#i do something similar because i'm an anxious mess

[krimiqueer]

Because I focus a lot on body language, I realized Lucas/his character started to rub his fingers around 2018. The first time I saw it was in Der Pass (season 1, 2019).

Then I watched more Polizeiruf 110 episodes and saw that he started doing that too in Der Fall Sikorska (2018) and later episodes, but not before (unless I missed it).

So I wonder if it's a Lucas thing or something he started to put into his acting in 2018.

[bewiiitched]

⟩ Sex doll (chapter nine)

• author's note: I just can't wait to bring Logan back fjjfdjekwjd all I gonna say is that I'm addicted to clichés.

Warnings: Violence, mentions of torture, blood, powers as drugs, angst, lies, Wade being a idiot.

///////

It's one of the times she decides to visit Althea, where everything starts to go wrong.

It was a day off that she had thought of spending with Logan, but he had gone out with Laura under the pretext of looking for a normal job. His impatience with the mercenary growing more and more every time they were involved in missions, despite the fact that both were impossible to kill, she knew that he felt something similar to concern for the mercenary's carefree behavior, the proof of which being how his yellow suit was always more torn than Wade's, which hid any trace of blood that could stain it.

As much as he didn't want to admit it, their relationship had become closer despite the constant provocations between them, and there was no doubt in the young woman's mind that part of it had been due to the fact that they had both saved the world.

So when she knocks on the apartment door, a slight smile tugs at her lips as she hears the old woman's voice from the other side of the door.

“Althea.” She greets, and hears the woman murmur a greeting in a relieved tone, a complaint about how she finally had some peace now that they were both gone. “Hm? Wade's gone too?”

She asks a bit confused and the first thing she thinks of is how a job search involving the three of them would end.

“Yeah, yeah. Something about a mission with him, and he better be back soon, he promised to bring me more snow.” She grumbles, and though the first thing she notes in her mind is how it was probably a drug gang deal judging by her answer. She can't help the way her heartbeat echoes in her ears as she realizes the situation.

She takes a deep breath out of inertia, thinking there must be a good reason why Logan would lie to her about his whereabouts, but her blood boils despite that, wanting, needing to know what the reason could be for them to have pushed her away. It wasn't a drug gang.

She knows that asking her won't get her anywhere, but she's too anxious to care. “Did they tell you anything about where they went?”

Her voice is tense, and she watches her rummage through the drawers for what is probably cocaine, but she stops when she notices the change in her tone, her frown and her head turning in her direction, following the sound of her voice. “No.”

She answers, but there's a question in her tone, not only because they both know she doesn't get involved in missions anymore, but because she's starting to think the mercenary has tricked her.

She hums in response, her gaze darting around the room but her frustration growing when she sees nothing useful, no clue that could help her figure out what was going on. “He told me he was going with Laura.”

The older woman lets out a huff that ends up cementing her annoyance. “I’m pretty sure handsome there has been here all afternoon until they left. They said something about, ah…my memory isn’t what it used to be, but was it something like fake codeine?”

She murmurs, not sounding entirely sure but her attention is drawn back to her when she hears her choke on her own saliva, something like panic shaking her breath and the only response he gets is the sound of the door slamming shut as she flees the apartment.

(...)

She wants to get rid of the idea, like she wants to crawl out of her skin, the thought that she may find herself wrapped up in the organization again even though she had given up on it. Deep breaths do little to calm her and focus her thoughts, and her frustration only grows when she goes to find the report on her powers that Killebrew had written, detailing the change that had come after the first suppression.

Like a hurricane, she messes up half the room until she rummages through her closet, and the folder where she kept the documents is empty, as are the missing blood samples, the same ones she had stolen from the lab at the risk of them trying to create some experiment on her like they had done with Logan.

The thought of calling the mercenary crosses her mind, because she knows she will have no way of locating him if he is hell-bent on hiding whatever they are planning from her, but she doesn't. And a part of her is worried, pissed off, and scared in equal parts that she is being left out of something that so deeply involves her.

(...)

When Logan returns to the apartment, he instinctively stops at the door frame, the scent of her not going unnoticed by him even though his hearing confirms that there is no one in the house. But the emotional trail she left behind overwhelms him for a moment before he enters, and it is not until he steps into the room they now share that he curses under his breath, pillows on the floor, blankets unfolded and the closet door is open with the hangers moved to the side, revealing the space where her chart was supposed to be.

And her blood.

He realizes that she must have left in the same hurry that she entered, but he has little time to analyze the situation further when he notices the presence of the mercenary approaching the apartment and goes to the living room, opening the door before he has a chance to knock.

There is frustration written on the mutant's face, his jaw clenched as if he were going to stab the mercenary with the same daggers that his gaze sends in his direction. “You said she wouldn't notice.”

He growls, and his hand wraps itself in the fabric of Wade's suit, close to grabbing him by the throat, Wade raises his hands in a peaceful gesture, but the nervousness is evident in his tone. “She hasn't! She doesn't know anything yet!

His nostrils flare, and he feels stupid, just as stupid as he felt the first time the mercenary made "an educated wish" about saving his universe, but this time they both share the blame,

And he can't shake off the feeling that his body is tingling at the thought of not knowing where or what the female is thinking. Worry eats away at him, and the mercenary's attempts to appease him are not few.

"Her first instinct has always been to runaway, so if she's looking for answers she can't be too far away.”

(...)

Even though the vast majority of the project staff had been killed by Deadpool in his attempt to find answers about Ajax's whereabouts, in a larger scheme the female knew that the lab work hadn't been done alone, just as Killebrew had collaborated with more scientists when it came to running the project even though they weren't nothing permanent.

However, her first step is to try to find out what they had been investigating, so she keeps a low profile, and he hopes that at least part of what the mercenary had told Althea was true and that it was a drug issue. Hours of questions and frustrations pass until she finally gets something, and she doesn't know whether to laugh or cry because the "fake codeine" hasn't spread so openly through the streets.

What she gets is not much, and she finds herself not so kindly questioning two pairs of dealers who had confessed to receiving the substance in previous days, when she makes out a figure approaching them.

She glances sideways, still holding the gun in the direction of the guy she doesn't have a hold of, while the one she does corner throws nervous glances at his partner. "I don't know anything else. I-If you're a policeman, we're only in charge of delivering."

He justifies himself defensively, and the young woman notices his accelerated heartbeat, giving him a condescending look. It’s then that she feels the phone vibrate in her purse and she doesn’t need to know who it’s from.

“Who are you getting this from?” she hisses, losing her patience, and the gun turns in his direction when she sees him shake his head.

But it’s neither of them who answers, and her gaze turns in the direction of the voice. “A mental institution outside the city.”

He’s a homeless man, and she knows from the way his body shakes that he’s been under the effects of her power, her stomach churning at the thought, how his body is receptive to something he can’t understand.

“Get out of here.” She growls, letting go of the man and they both run away. There’s wariness evident in her gaze, she can see the hunger, the need for stimulation, and she doesn’t want to wonder how the man deduces that she’s the source of his addiction. “Where else?”

“There’s a shelter a few blocks back. I can take you there.” He answers, and her eyes follow him, watching him look around urgently. She can’t tell if the urge he suffers is from the stimulation of her power or the lack of it.

Reluctantly, she nods, but when she lets him come closer, she knocks him out, gently placing him on the ground before calling an ambulance. Her mind, however, is elsewhere.

She gives the address of the place, but there is no sign of her when the ambulance arrives and has set off to reach the outskirts of the city, when she checks her calls she can see Wade’s number being her last call and decides to turn it off.

If her hunch was right, the shelter would be nothing more than a mere test to see the effects of her power. The institution, however, the place where they would all end up when the situation became problematic.

It was never her main purpose in the project, but in retrospect she realizes perhaps the only reason she hadn't ended up killed by Ajax, is because they needed something more from her, that they had something more useful that made the rivalry between her and Ajax take a backseat.

(...)

It's all darkness when she arrives at the place. And the feeling of unease only grows when she sees the suburb in which it is located, and she can swear that whatever they are doing in the shelters of the city, it is just a whim to not attract attention, since the area guaranteed them enough people with whom they could experiment.

Getting past the security personnel is easier than expected, the guard who watches the door for obvious reasons does not expect to see a girl alone at 4 am.

“Stop there, sweetheart. This is private property. Can I help you?” He asks, but the concern is short-lived when a blow to the back of his head against the wall makes him fall and drags him where the cameras can't capture him.

The buzz of the door opening puts her on alert, even more so when the sound contrasts with the deathly silence of the place. Part of her knows that it had been a misplaced hope to think that the project had come to an end. For lack of another way to describe them they were like cockroaches multiplying, and as long as there was an idea left to profit from, Weapon X would form again.

Her gaze travels to the reception area, which is empty, and continues until she sees the sign that identifies each floor of the building.

Her senses pick up a second heartbeat and she is quick to hide behind a wall, the sound of approaching footsteps makes her react and her hand is placed over the mouth of the nurse, who looks at her frightened, and the situation only intensifies when she can see the recognition in her gaze. A turn and she is cornered against the wall, hand on her neck squeezing hard enough to restrict her airflow. “My blood, where they hide It?”

Her tone is demanding, and her gaze follows her hand, watching her make the sign of two. Being right is far from comforting, and being recognized is like receiving a kick in the stomach. As tempted as she is to knock her out and get a problem off her chest, she decides to drag her along with her.

And she pulls a syringe from her pocket, which she places at her throat.

“If you lie to me, you’re going to join them.” She threatens, her eyes focused on the young girl writhing under her grip. And she shakes her head dramatically, making her squint. “What’s your name?”

“M-Mary.” she answers in a shaky voice now that the pressure on her neck has lessened.

“You know me.” And it’s not a question, the girl gulps, a soft nod in response before her grip tightens again in warning. “Tell me everything.”

(...)

Despite having been in the project since before Francis was enhanced. Suspicions about the organization didn’t come until she herself began visiting the lab as something more than just to keep the patients in line. She was the only mutant, and her powers didn’t need any enhancement, but the original purpose for which she had agreed to be part of them.

Her reluctance to torture hadn't gone entirely unnoticed, and before she could realize it, Ajax was positioned over her, like a wolf stalking cattle after her powers were contained. Her fluids as an object of study that never yielded answers, too busy with torture and missions to have time to question herself.

But the questions come back to her as she reaches some kind of lab, she didn't expect to get too much information out of the nurse but she needed to know where to move before she was discovered. Years of being forced to ask and then hit hadn't quite contained her nature, hit and then ask.

As the nurse had said, she manages to get her file out of one of the drawers, puts it away among her clothes, her attention returning to the fridge that holds her blood samples and at first she grimaces at the amount. She had never visited the lab so many times to generate such a quantity.

It's no surprise to her that her blood is being used as a stimulant, it is, however, that it continues to have an effect even when her powers aren't being used over the victim.

“It took you a while to come out of hiding, my dear.” A laugh follows the man’s voice as he barely speaks half a sentence before the young woman’s gun is pointed in his direction, her enhanced senses kicking in and suddenly the idea of ​​killing sounds more tempting. Her gaze is fixed on him, and the nurse retreats after a condescending gesture from the man. “Pulling the trigger won’t get you answers.”

His voice is calm, but the image he’s trying to create contrasts with the doctor she knows, and she can tell the stress has taken its toll on Killebrew’s face but he takes her silence as a sign to keep talking. “Killing us won’t be the end. You should know that after how it ended last time. You joined us to control your powers, and you succeeded.”

The sound of the gun going off-safety echoes through the room.

“Yeah.” It’s the only thing she says before a bullet rips through the doctor’s knee, the scream echoing through the halls as she sees the man curse and writhe in pain, she sees him pull back as she approaches until she kneels in front of him. “But I never asked to go around torturing people.”

“You had a purpose. You still do, don’t be stupid.” He growls through his teeth, bringing his hand over the wounded area and paling at the bleeding, as his pants soon turn crimson.

“My purpose ends with Logan.” She answers without hiding her rage in her voice, and her grip on the gun tightens when her senses pick up footsteps approaching in a hurry, she decides to go the peaceful way, and quickly dodges the guard who enters the room, sliding across the floor and twisting his arm behind his back before kicking his partner in the stomach, making him hunch over. Keeping him by the arm she pushes him against the other, making them both fall and pointing the gun again.

“The addiction,” she begins, looking at Killebrew. “It shouldn’t develop without my powers, what the fuck have you done?”

She asks, frowning and remembering the multiple tortures, how she had believed that the effects of her power had been something temporary, that physical contact was nothing more than the match that lit the gasoline that was her blood, and yet, they were wearing her down without her being involved.

The idea of ​​being compared to codeine was confusing on its own, being that her power had always been more about stimulating the nerves to control the various sensations rather than numbing.

“It alters the neurochemistry of the brain,” He explains and her brow furrows even more, her jaw clenched as she tries to maintain her composure and not spread red on the white walls. “Nerve control gives you power, but your fluids guarantee your survival. As a mother secretes hormones that bond her with her newborn, they will not want to kill the hand that feeds them. They crave stimulation, before you can even choose what to do they become addicted to whatever you offer them through your blood.”

Suddenly her mission with Logan makes sense, not just because he had been able to harm her while under her power, which she had blamed on how his regeneration healed his nerves constantly preventing a control that lasted.

“You think it will susceed?” She mocks, shooting his shoulder this time eliciting another scream and sees the two men tense, but ends all initiative to move when he turns the gun on them again.

Despite the pain, the expression on the doctor's face makes it clear that he is underestimating the addictiveness of her fluids and she can feel her stomach turning.

(...)

The whole situation gives her goosebumps, now that her clothes are covered in blood she has little interest in thinking about the consequences when all she can think about is whether the victims would suffer long-term damage. As if it were possible the hallways are even more silent despite the sound of gunshots, and there is not a soul to be found despite the fact that the building is not small.

Her mind turns over the contents of her file as well as Killebrew's words, and for the third time, she feels her phone vibrate against her hip.

"What?" She picks up without hiding her annoyance, keeping her gun in the other hand she continues advancing through the hallways, and rolls her eyes when she hears the mercenary's apology. "Fuck you. “ she spits, and the concern she hears in his tone for her safety only pisses her off more, it’s the last thing she cared about at the moment. “You had no right to keep it from me, Wilson.”

“I know!” He replies, his tone slightly higher for emphasis. “I thought- I thought it would be quicker if we took care of it ourselves, while you continued to ruin your life commuting from work to home.” He knows his attempt at a joke isn’t appreciated, but he still tries to get her to tell him where the hell she is. “Please, please, tell me you’re not doing something stupid.”

For a moment she falls silent, because it’s not exactly wise to have walked into a place alone that profited from her powers and wouldn’t kill her because they needed her fluids.

She stops dead when she hears footsteps approaching, and by inertia she leans against the wall, watching out of the corner of her eye two nurses cross the hallway carrying a stretcher with a woman who did not look in good condition at all.

“Tell me where you are”

“Saint Helen psychiatric hospital.”

(...)

However, when they both arrive there is no trace of her, and all attempts to locate her are useless when before leaving she had abandoned her phone, leaving it on the chair in the reception area.

On the other hand, the silence in the place is even more overwhelming when as they explore following her trail there is nothing but blood and corpses of the personnel involved, to the surprise of the mercenary, including the lifeless body of Killebrew. The patient's rooms are no exception, since there is no sound and in the place it could be noticed how they had been forced into unconsciousness.

"It was her." The mutant murmurs, scanning the room, by the persistence of the smell he could assume that she had not left long ago, but that did nothing to relieve him.

"You're a genius, peanut, is there nothing else your Scooby doo nose can tell us?" He hisses frustrated, and steps back slightly at Logan's growl, the concern of both makes the tension return, and this time his thoughts are focused on her rather than on avoiding a beating by the mutant.

“The man said they were spreading it around the streets...” he begins, glancing at the mercenary out of the corner of his eye, but his brow furrows as he sees him abruptly exit the room. “Hey.”

He calls out to him, only to be ignored and reluctantly follows him, watching him enter the room where the doctor’s corpse was located. But before he can stand in the doorway, the mercenary speaks. “What do you smell when you’re in front of him?”

“What?” he asks out of inertia, frowning as he wrinkles his nose, the whole place reeked of stress, but it wasn’t easy to pinpoint the cause.

“I think she’s trying to relieve them. Like she did to me in the lab. He has signs of torture, see the stiffness in his body?” he asks, bringing his gloved hand to his jaw and though trying to understand him, Logan just looks at him as if he were stupid.

“He’s dead. Of course he's ten-”

“No.” He cuts him off, emphasizing the denial as he points to the corpses of the guards. “She killed him with her power, probably tortured him trying to figure out how to fix the rest.”

That catches Logan's attention, and he kneels in front of the corpse, squinting as he notices how the muscles on the man's body are much stiffer compared to the two men, and it's because of the proximity that he notices the blood staining his lips. “I don't use just pain.”

“Yeah. I think that was evident from the stain on his pants, I bet the remaining blood went elsewhere before he died.” The sarcasm in his voice stops and quickly when they hear hurried footsteps in the hallway and both become alert, but Logan is faster in approaching the door and intercepting the woman who was fleeing.

“ Woah, woah, calm down, blondie. ” Wade intervenes when he sees her struggle with the mutant, and the dismay in her expression is clear, as is the blood on her clothes.

“ What happened? ” Logan asks, frowning and standing in front of the door to cover the corpse of the doctor who had been staring so intently.

“ She tried to cure the affected. I told her it wouldn't work, but she didn't listen to me and then she tried to cure that man but d-died, she lost control. ” she stammers, swallowing saliva when she remembers it. As if she could still see the panic expression on her face as the old man's body fell at her feet, the blinding rage that preceded Killebrew's cries of pain.

“Fuck.” Logan curses under his breath, and he can feel Wade tense beside him, as if he’s remembering something.

However, the young woman continues to recount the situation. “I tried to get help, but she locked me in the bathrooms.” She answers in a firm voice, shuddering slightly under the mutant’s gaze.

“They’re unconscious. What does that mean?”

“It’s just temporary relief. Their blood, it creates an addiction process.” and from the expression on both of their faces, she can tell they’re aware of that fact. “Their powers create the stimulus they become addicted to. But in the absence of it, they tried to replicate it through normal means, and it worked.”

“Now, that’s just great, now you have a group of masochistic drug addicts.” He grumbles, and ignores the exasperated look the mutant gives him. “Is there really no solution?” ”

Logan's brow furrows even more as she sees her deny it. “No, it's not a nervous problem that she can fix, it's damage to the brain and the withdrawal syndrome that they get when they stop using it is even worse, the addiction weakes, but by becoming addicted to the pain, they end up not measuring the damage they cause themselves and put their lives at risk.”

/////////

Taglist: @bontensbabygirl @twinky-wink

[spectrechosts]

Desperado

I want to be done reuploading and all I have left is shorter stories I haven't touched in forever which means shit is getting CONDENSED into single posts so I can have all this done by Halloween.

This one is about an anxious pilot and her friend who definitely isn't a pirate. 3 chapters.

Selene sighed.

"Okay," She said, "Do you really want to know why this keeps happening? Because you're not going to like it."

Luna nodded, meekly.

"It's the hat."

"What?" She squeaked, half baffled half offended.

"Literally nobody doing reputable things in space does so wearing a cowboy hat. It's- I don't even know how to explain this to you in a way that shouldn't already be apparent."

"But I like my hat!"

"I know."

"You can't judge someone based on a hat!"

"I don't know what you want me to say. It's like one step removed from wearing an actual pirate hat in terms of accessories that say you are doing piracy."

"You cannot assume that from a hat."

"It's the hat and the fact that, to an outside observer, your tendency to avoid people because you're shy looks like you have a whole 'mysterious dark stranger in a tavern' vibe going on."

"But-"

"I told you you weren't gonna like it." Selene said, and finished her beer. "Now tell me what you got roped into so I can get you out of it."

"I-I think they're loading black market organs onto my ship."

"Jesus christ."

"I'm sorry."

"Luna, you can keep the hat. It makes you look cute. But, for the love of god, you have to get better at saying no to people."

~~~

"C-Can you please go faster? I have deadlines, and-"

The customs officer glared at Luna, and she withered. They carefully inspected every inch of her cargo hold, opening shipments, checking for hidden panels, scanning for traces of contraband.

"What's her deal?" Another customs officer asked Selene, who was watching the scene unfold.

"Oh, you know how it is." She shrugged. "Jumpy pilot gets singled out at a checkpoint for being suspicious, that makes them more jumpy the next time, and round and round it goes. She's been flagged down for inspection six times this month."

"Heh, poor kid."

"Poor me having to wait through all this. I could be on Mars by now if I didn't have a soft spot for doe-eyed idiots."

"Mm. Well, speaking of inspections, your ship's been randomly flagged for a search."

Selene narrowed her eyes.

"That seems to happen quite often when you're on shift."

"Hey, I just do what the system tells me." The officer said, putting his hands in the air. "Think of it as lucky that they show up on my watch, and not somebody less understanding."

"Fine." Selene huffed, and slipped him a credit chip.

"Well, looks like everything checked out clean. I'll get outta your hair."

Selene folded her arms and waited for Luna to finally be cleared to leave.

"I'm sorry!" She cried over comms as they took off again. "I just get so nervous!"

"It's okay, Luna. You're not doing anything wrong."

"I don't know why I get so worried about being searched. I'm not a pirate, I don't even know any pirates!"

Selene smiled.

She'd tell her eventually, if things between them got serious.

~~~

"S-So that's my cargo manifest, and as you can see everything is in order."

Luna was sweating bullets. She didn't know what it was about inspections, but just the idea that she might have accidentally messed something up and go to jail for it made her queasy.

"Ah, I don't need to read all that, girl. Just show me what you're hauling and we'll talk about what you're going to do with it, okay?"

The inspector clapped her on the back, and she squeaked. "Um. Okay?"

"Good girl."

This inspector was weird. She was very nice, but everything she said sounded scary somehow. It kind of reminded her of that one time Selene had gotten drunk while they were docked at Neptune and said some incredibly salacious things to her in a similar tone of voice before passing out at their table.

That… Wasn't a memory she needed right now. She was flustered enough.

"So um, this section is all iron ore, containers one through twenty-six."

"How wonderful. Next."

"Then these ones, twenty-seven through thirty-one, these are all, um, industrial air filters. It's- It's mostly all just stuff for the refinery." Luna explained.

"Okay, I think there's been a misunderstanding here." The inspector said, putting her arm around Luna's shoulder.

"O-Oh. I'm sorry?"

"It's okay, pretty girl. I was unclear. I want you to show me the good stuff, yeah?"

"The… Good stuff?" Pretty girl???

"The secret stuff, babygirl. The illegal stuff."

Luna went pale.

"Nonono, I-I don't have-" She babbled, and the inspector's face fell.

"Ohh, babygirl, I don't like being lied to." She said. Her sly smile was gone, her relaxed posture replaced with that of a predator looming over her prey.

"I'm- I'm not-" Luna said, backing away.

"Do you know what happens to people who lie to me?"

Luna backed into the side of a shipping container, and the inspector slammed an open palm next to her head. She flinched at the impact, tears welling in her eyes.

"They… Go to jail?"

The inspector's ominous appearance cracked, a smile showing through. "They- What?"

She giggled. She laughed at her and Luna's face burned and she didn't understand what was going on.

"You- You still think-" The inspector struggled to speak between fits of laughter. "Oh, oh I had heard Selene liked to play house with easy marks, but holy shit girl you're like, actually stupid."

That made Luna mad. Was she too trusting? Maybe. Was she bad at social situations? Sure. But she was not stupid, and she did not like being laughed at, and she definitely didn't like how this girl talked about Selene. She balled her hands into trembling fists.

"Whew, okay, let's do this from the top, with no subtlety so you can follow- ghlk!"

Luna punched the fake inspector in her stupid throat and tackled her to the ground, raining blows upon her arms as she attempted to guard her face.

~

Luna was released from the security office after a few hours. The cameras corroborated that the now very bruised woman in the other holding cell had been posing as a customs officer to gain access to her ship.

Selene was waiting for her when she got out, and swept her into her arms.

"I'm sorry," She said, "This is my fault, I-I haven't been honest with you."

"You're a pirate." Luna grumbled.

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

"Do you know her?"

"…Yeah. She's my ex."

"Then is what she said true?" Luna sniffled. "Are you just, playing house with me? Because I'm gullible?"

"No!"

"If-If I find out you're lying to me, I'll never forgive you."

"No, Luna, I was going to tell you everything, I swear."

"Okay." Luna said. "I believe you." She wiped her tears away with her sleeve. "So… That's the kind of girl you're into?"

"Not for a long time now. Too much trouble."

"What kind of girl are you into then?"

"…Okay," Selene said, blushing a little. "There is one other thing I need to tell you, while I'm spilling my secrets-"

[stillaclownlol]

Tylo save me...Tylo...save me Tylo...

WHATEVEER leave me alone more ship alphabet garbage 😭😭😭 I'm gonna sleep I got work tomorrow 🫠🫠🫠

Logan Fields

A = Affectionate

A bit reserved. He's never had anybody to be affectionate with besides his grandparents so he doesn't really know where to draw the line. Also, you know. Hes gay in Georgia in 2016, he needs to be careful. A lot more comfortable with verbal affection tho!

B = Best Friend

Logans never had friends so like. If he did have a best friend he would be really loyal to like a concerning degree, probably protective too, but also extremely helpful and encouraging, always trying to teach you new things :D

C = Cuddles

A littleeeee touch starved :< So he does like cuddling with Tyler, especially since they don't get the chance to do it a lot (only at Tyler's house). He's super melty because he has to take off his glasses for it and he gets sleepy quickly. Will probably fall asleep during it...^_^

D = Domestic

He's a little romantic in the sense that he wants to get married and settle down, have a kid, and 3 cats. He's not in a rush or anything but it is something he looks forward to with Ty. He's good at household chores, especially cleaning and taking care of the garden, and he's a pretty good cook. His specialty is still baking tho.

E = Ending

If his relationship with Tyler spiralled (which has a decent chance of happening) :> If the resentment he had with Tyler boiled over and all the bitterness came out, yeah, he'd probably end things, probably in a yelling match. It's hard to see them breaking up amicably ahaha :")

F = Fiancé

He spent a lot of his childhood/early teens thinking he'd never be able to get married, so...it's a big deal for him. Cried when Tyler said yes (and while proposing)

G = Gentle

Generally he's pretty soft spoken. He's not a super physically aggressive person...but he has his moments 🫠 But usually he's pretty light with Tyler, specially since he has like...chronic pain...🤡 Also good at saying super mushy stuff that makes Tyler implode

H = Hugs

A bit awkward about it, but he likes hugging. Always a little hesitant, so waits till Tyler hugs him first, but he's a v good hugger :) very cozy aura. He's a short king so he can snuggle into Ty's chest.

I = I love you

Was so nervous he almost threw up- Got really emotional and cried- he didn't plan it so the whole thing was a mess lmao

J = Jealousy

Tends to manifest as insecurity more than sheer jealousy. Sometimes thinks Tyler will leave him for somebody "better" (him and Tyler are actually pretty similar in that regard) and he might honestly just bring up how he thinks Tyler can do better depending how far they are in the relationship.

K = Kisses

A bit shy. Gets flustered by proper kissing so he's more of a pecker, usually kisses Tyler's cheek or chin because it's hard to reach him with their height gap- he gets all gooey when Tyler asks him to kiss him on the mouth tho (^_^)//

L = Little Ones

He likes children! He finds them more honest than people his age kkkkk. He also likes how children are constantly learning new things and likes teaching them about interesting facts :D gets a bit overwhelmed by hyperactive children though, better with children who have quieter characters like himself.

M = Mornings

Eepy lil guy. So seepy. Big tirremd. Barely coherent in the morning, also he's not wearing his glasses or contacts so he can't even see help him. He needs a shower and like four cups of coffee to even wake up lmao. Tyler be literally dragging him out of bed because otherwise they're GONNA BE LATE-

N = Night

Total night owl, loves staying up late (especially in the summer) to use his telescope. Tyler has to drag him INTO bed otherwise he's gonna stay up till 4am or fall asleep on the balcony :>

O = Open

Honestly pretty closed off, he doesn't like talking about his past unless it's really necessary. Gets anxious if Tyler asks personal questions early in the relationship.

P = Patience

Patience is a virtue he's worked hard to cultivate. He does kind of bottle of his negative emotions so when he *does* lose his patience it tends to be explosive.

Q = Quizzes

Good memory and very detail-oriented, so he knows a lot about Tyler, and he's also good at applying that knowledge. He's better at reading him than most people.

R = Remember

His favourite moments are whenever Tyler is just unapologetically sweet and sappy with him. Makes him forget how mean he used to be :>

S = Security

Way more chill than Tyler, he trusts him to take care of himself, but sometimes he thinks about Tyler stuck on the tree...bleeding out...his organs torn to shreds... and he worries about him 🫠

T = Try

Of course he tries. He's trying so hard. To be brave. To love him unconditionally. To forgive him. He just needs time...hopefully.

U = Ugly Habit

Kind of a grudge holder and he's one of those people who will be kinda salty after you apologize for smth even tho he accepted the apology. Passive aggressive ngl. Tyler is always "..." whenever Logan is annoyed with him even tho he prolly deserves it 🤡

V = Vanity

He doesn't *not* care about his appearance but he doesn't care a loooot. Was raised to be well-groomed so he is very clean and proper but fashion-wise he's kinda...y'all know 😔 (he can look like a nerd and still be fashionable BUT he isn't just look at him 😭)

W = Whole

They got that trauma bond so no, not really, he wouldn't feel "whole" without Tyler. But I think he would be able to move on at some point.

X = Xtra

Very serious about learning Spanish! Tyler's kinda "...bro I don't even know it that well" about it but Logan wants to make an effort. He's really smart including in languages so eventually he starts speaking more proper Spanish than Tyler (but with a horrible accent) which Ty's just dead over. He can have a full on convo with Marianna and everything.

Y = Yuck

HATEEEES how protective Tyler is. Like he understands where he's coming from but OMFG he feels SO infantilized by it sometimes. And also Tyler is constantly trying to help him and Logan just feels like Ty doesn't trust him to do things by himself. He hates people who let their anger control them too, if Tyler is mad he will just walk away from the argument and hang out in his room.

Z = ZZZ

Looks like an absolute angel while sleeping, it's ridiculous. He just looks so goddamn peaceful and serene, Tyler is just "?!!?!?" and wants to combust 🫠

Tyler Hernández

A = Affection

His way of showing affection is like. Annoying. He's that kind of guy who shows his care by teasing the crap out of you 🤡👌🏽 Logan was kinda intimidated at first but now he's like. So over him because he knows his bf is dumb. He understands the chalequeo.

B = Best Friend

He your RIDE OR DIE FR. Omg...THAT WASNT ON PURPOSE, I just meant that he's really loyal even though he's kind of a "tough love" kind of guy 😭 would tell you if your bf sucked ngl

C = Cuddles

Secretly wants to hug Logan all the time. Logan is very soft and he just kinda...melts when they cuddle. Like its a guaranteed way to relax him, and lord knows he needs to relax.

D = Domestic

King of household chores. Compulsive cleaner. Cooks AND does the laundry. He cannot sit still for five seconds help him 🤡 It would take him a LONG time to be comfy not living with his mom or sister (I think Taylor would move out first) so there might be like. A small period where he and Logan live with Marianna.

E = Ending

He's kinda...reluctant to ever break up with anybody, especially Logan. If he did it'd be like, more on accident after losing his temper, like Logan saying maybe he should leave and Tyler saying he will or whatever. He'd regret it ofc 🤡

F = Fiancé

Oh, he was really surprised when Logan asked him. And happy :). He had gen never thought about it cuz he was so stressed lmao but he was real excited and also lowkey terrified 🫠

G = Gentle

Verbally he's pretty harsh, that's just how he is. But physically, besides the occasional arm/shoulder tug, he's very careful with his loved ones <3 sometimes when he's sad he holds Logans cheeks or rests his head on his lap.

H = Hugs

Ohhhh he loves hugging. If he could, he'd be hugging Logan constantly 😭 his hugs are REALLY long and he kinda does that like. Swaying motion. Also lifts Logan off his feet. Literally shoves his face into his shoulder.

I = I love you

He needs to be really sure of his feelings to say it, and even then he usually says it very quietly or when he thinks Logan won't notice. For some reason has an easier time saying it in Spanish (he just like me fr)

J = Jealousy

Yeaaaaahhhh...worse than Logan. Hate watches people who be getting touchy with Logan :) you know he would get salty/sassy about it he's just Like That TM. And Logan is not putting up with that haha.

K = Kisses

Awkward and makes it way more tense than it needs to be smh. If he's kissing him on the mouth he gets really nervous and squeezes his eyes shut and just HOVERS there waiting for Logan to close the gap 💀 Kisses the top of his head a lot so Logan can't see him blushing cuz he's a loser.

L = Little Ones

Like a beleaguered babysitter. He finds kids annoying and he can be a little Itty bitty bit mean to them sometimes but he's like that annoying older cousin you had that you liked to play with because they were Real with you. Hair ruffler.

M = Mornings

Wakes up right with his alarm and gets straight to work. He goes jogging and does stretches, then comes back home to make breakfast. Logan sleeps through it all help

N = Nights

He goes to bed at like 9pm because he's a dork lmao and he gets tired 🤡 That doesn't mean he'll fall asleep tho! He's super restless and will be tossing and turning and sometimes Logan will spoon him so he'll sit still and relax for a second-

O = Open

...No 💀 HELP NONE OF THESE KIDS ARE OPEN FFS- 😭 naaaah he doesn't feel like telling people his "sob story" or whatever and he doesn't really like talking about it 🫠 He mentions things offhandedly to Logan, who...understands and doesn't ask.

P = Patience

Whatever he loses his temper easy, big deal. Consistently annoyed at the world, and who can blame him? World kinda sucks 🤡 he's been working on not losing his cool so quickly because Logan just doesn't like being around angry people.

Q = Quizzes

He is a detail-oriented guy with a good memory, not to mention being well organized, so he has a space for "important Logan info" that he thinks might be useful at some point. Not at Aiden's level tho (fortunately 🤡)

R = Remember

When Logan confessed, because he was just so...I'm tryna think of the right word here omg. Like, in awe? That this guy he's been crushing on and was honestly not that nice to liked him BACK? And they were so earnest and genuine about it and he was just???? Help???

S = Security

Tyler is overprotective of Logan the same way he's overprotective with all the people he cares (a lot) about. He will put himself in front of him in dangerous situations, remove him from situations if *he* thinks they're dangerous...can get kinda annoying about it...

T = Try

Tyler puts 110% of himself in anything he cares about so yes, he is trying very hard in this relationship. He is very meticulous about helping Logan out whenever possible, planning outings/dates, controlling himself around him, etc etc. Trying to get Logan's forgiveness

U = Ugly

He is overprotective and sometimes doesn't let Logan handle things by himself when Logan totally could. The aforementioned anger issues are also a problem :/ Also can be kinda brash and won't...filter his thoughts before hand when he probably should.

V = Vanity

About as concerned as the average teenage boy is. That is to say, very little- (helpppp I know this isn't the case for everybody LOL). He literally still matches outfits with his sister I don't think he cares about his own style too much LMAO

W = Whole

Nahhhh all of them got that trauma bond for life and would feel incomplete with out each other. I think he'd take it a lot worse than Logan too.

X = Xtra

Sometimes they go to church together as deeply repressed Catholic boys with religious trauma. Tyler thinks he'll go to Hell whenever they kiss but he's gonna do it anyways 😔

Y = Yuck

He doesn't really like, how do I say this, like. "Vapid" people I guess (this is just how he views some people tho). Like for example before knowing him better he thought Aiden was a really shallow person. So he'd never date anybody who he thought had nothing going on under the surface. Needs the relationship to be serious, like, he doesn't want anything casual.

Z = ZZZ

He has bruxism and like, scratches his throat while sleeping (not with his hands like, the swallowing thingy you do) (cuz he just like me fr), and he is literally so loud it will wake Logan up at night even tho he's a deep sleeper 😭

[tummieaching]

I hope its ok to share this - I am having a *time* with this kink today and have no one to tell. Please only read on if you're ok with explicit asks. I'm in my 30s, she/her. You can call me ✉️.

Wrote this in two parts, one in notes app while waiting in line at Post Office, two just now at home which I can send next if you could like to read it.

(One). I think I am about to be sick in public because I messed up my plans and I'm anxious and horny about it lol. Today I had a day off and had some low level nausea which was turning me on so I decided to go with it. I ate a lot of rice pudding and choux pastries and raspberries and then drank a lot of water.

The plan was to wait until I felt very sick and then sit in the shower and let it come back up. I ate as much as I could and was starting to sweat and cramp and my mouth started to water. I drank some green tea because it makes me get really uncontrollably sick (I learned this the hard way at a fancy tea one time and threw up scones and cream in a hotel garden). Right as I finished the tea the first wave of "oh god its coming" got me and I stood up slowly to go get a towel and move to the bathroom.

Then I got a text. It reminded me I needed to get to the post office before it closed to drop something off, it was something very important and today is my last chance to do it and I had forgotten. I had no choice, and only 30 mins to get there. I thought about inducing and trying to get it all up before I left but there was no time. I also knew there was very little chance of making it there and back in the heat without having to be sick even though I have a strong stomach. I grabbed the parcel and some water and rushed out of the house.

I made it to the Post Office but had to stop once on the way because I was sure the sick was coming but I just heaved and then it passed. I'm waiting in a queue at the post office and I have just had to turn my head and try to disguise a gag as a cough. They have a pastry stand and the smell is making me feel like I'm going to puke all that pastry from earlier, I can feel it crawling half up my throat each time I burp (as discretely as possible). I just need to drop this parcel off and then I'm going to try walking home through the park because when I do need to vomit hopefully I can do it in a bush or something.

Thank you very much for sending this, I am very okay with explicit asks and this is wonderful ♡ I understand the anxious, horniness as I've been in similar situations and it can be such fun lol...I'm lying in bed in a hotel room with a full belly resisting the urge to touch myself to your story here, please send me more ♡ I wish I was in line behind you watching you hide that intense nausea... I would love to hear more about your tea story as well ♡

[graysparrowao3]

2024 Writing Reflections

Thank you @little-paperboat, what a nice tag to receive, really interesting to reflect on these questions. I'm not sure who may not have a tag, here are some no pressure ones if you would like to join and an open invitation (no seriously, I really like this one I want to tag everyone lol)💛 @wakacreations @thylyre @faetouchedfool @barbwillbrb @lolliputian

What's been your biggest learning point this past year?

To embrace the joy of writing. This meant trying new things or putting them out there or just writing what spoke to me. Writing "easy" and not worrying about my prose - if I just wanted to write fun dialogue with the same damn dialogue tags, then go for it babe, let those blorbos yap. If I wanted to put in the most cliche, in-your-face metaphor, smack that literary device on the arse and send it out! If I had a short idea that I thought was fun, I could share it as a fic, or a post, or even just a message amongst people who like similar things. The more I embraced the joy of it just for its own sake the less anxious I felt about it.

How has your writing developed this past year?

Writing sexually explicit content. I'm very cautious about the explicit content I consume for my own psychological comfort, and it was quite liberatory to be in control of the writing and know what was going to happen, and definitely allowed my writing to grow in depth, gain a new skill, and explore more heavy and intimate themes.

Bad writing habits?

I get impatient and want to be done with something even when I know the editing isn't quite finished and then spend the next hour frantically making edits after it's uploaded.

Favorite thing you wrote?

I feel like this changes every time I reflect on it, probably because I like them for different reasons.

For now, I'm going to say Part 10, the main "concluding" part of the NB series. I was absolutely exhausted after I wrote it.

I'll also say chapter 10 in The Elturian Prodigy, because in it Rolan begins to figure out the events of Descent into Avernus, and I was proud to be able to come up with how he might do it that didn't seem super obvious but that an intelligent character could reason through.

Biggest win?

Finding support and kindness that uplifted me to such an extent that it has changed the trajectory of my life. I'm part of the many folks who have found their joy and creativity again thanks to fandom writing and the overwhelming and unexpected kindness of people in the online community spaces. I even had some people in real life remember I was trying to write again and ask how it was going and I had to not be a big emotional mess about it. Thank you online writing friends <3

Your favorite words of the year, aka the words you check each chapter for, making sure you didn't repeat them 788 times?

Everyone is always breathing in various ways. Lots of deep breaths, huffing, snorting, air catching in throats. Or chuckling in various dry, wry, ways. Or brows doing various things; raising, creasing, cocking.

This is a ridiculous sentence, but I had to take a moment in the middle of the NB series and check I wasn't overdoing twat, bastard, and feck and turning it into a caricature. (There's a part where Rugan says "Every other word out of your mouth is 'feck this' or 'bastard that'" which was absolutely me calling myself out lol).

Goals for the new year?

I think I responded to this elsewhere, but in this moment I am thinking...

Just don't stop reading and writing, keep practicing and growing.

Always remember the kind words of internet friends that have made you have faith in yourself.

Keeping working on the ongoing WIPs.

I think, if I'm being honest, I would really love to finally get something original self-published or close to it by the end of 2025. As the saying goes, the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, but the second best time is now.

What are you excited for in the new year?

Well I'm in the middle of a couple of interviews, so getting hired would be good because life has thrown a lot around recently that won't be letting up any time soon. Fingers crossed.

I got some books for Christmas and my anniversary before that I'm looking forward to reading. Just finished the First Law trilogy.

Getting through some more of my fic WIPs and moving towards completion of those projects.

Some more cheeky tags because this is a great tag game if you are interested @vera-king-hrfl @beesht @ashprince-of-bel-air @alpydk @dutifullylazybread

[multiplicity-positivity]

Hey, I was hoping to get some advice. A lot of our systems members have been striven to dormancy because I (host) have been really rigid with how that certain fictions and introverts "should" act. I don't mean to do this and I try really hard not to so that, but a lot of my friends left because they couldn't take it. Along with thus I have issues where I try to autofill headmates sentences which often passes them off, or I get really anxious that I'm actually talking over them and they aren't saying anything to me. This has made a lot of others uncomfortable but idk how to stop. If I could get some advice on this that would be lovely

Hiya! We’re sorry to hear that y’all have been going through a difficult time >_< for what it’s worth, our host went through something similar after our own syscovery! He had a problem with wanting to control many aspects of our lives, of trying to speak for us, and telling us how we should think, feel, and act. It was rough! But it’s gotten much better for us, and we can talk a bit about how we reached the point of connection and camaraderie where we are today! >w<

Okay so the very first thing should be like noticing when you do something that hurts or offends your headmates. Just try to pay attention and recognize when you do stuff like try to control them, interrupt them, or assert yourself over them! Once you have been paying attention to how you treat your headmates for a while, it’ll become easier to like, actually change your behaviors :3

Y’all might find like round-tables or in-system meetings helpful! Our system has a meeting inside every couple months or so to check in with each other and make sure everyone is doing okay. It can get kind of crowded and hectic, but it’s been a great way for alters to be heard, voice their concerns, and collaborate in useful ways! Maybe you could try to have a meeting with your headmates where everyone can feel welcome to speak from their heart without fear of being cut down or interrupted. It could set a good example for what positive communication could look like in the future!

And like, through all of this, it’s really important to remember that headmates are unique and different, and that absolutely includes introjects and fictives! Some fictives may be comfy identifying strongly with their source, others may act nothing like it, some may not really care about their source, and others may be more focused on defining who they are in the present… and all of that is okay! Challenging your preconceived notions or ideas about what introjects are and how they should act might make it easier to keep from trying to control the actions of the introjects in your system.

All in all, try to be kind to yourself and your system in all that y’all do! Forgive yourself when you make mistakes and try to do better in the future, but also ask for forgiveness and remember to apologize when you do harm! Try to learn and grow when you mess up, and don’t let it get you down! Holding resentment against yourself for struggling to give your headmates agency won’t help anyone in the long run, so it’s better to try and let it go so you can focus on being better in the future!

Gah, sorry this got so long and rambly! >_< But good luck with starting to reforge and maintain positive relationships with your headmates. We hope things get easier for y’all soon! :3

[ell-arts]

A other ask from the possum,holy shit

You said you had a list of headcanons for cyil x pac...

I'm curious...

What hc do thee have...

Oh buckle up, hun :-)

It is a bit long, so click below at your own risk xD

Sometimes the Pac-team do patrols around the city to keep citizens at ease, and these patrols are often done in pairs. Whenever Pac and Cyli are out on patrol, they always keep a vigilant eye out. But they've started a thing where, at the end of their patrol, they wrap things up with an ice cream date.

Cyli is usually calm and collected, but whenever she's stressed or really nervous, then she tends to hold onto her arm or even absentmindedly fiddles and fidgets with her fingers to the point of rubbing them raw if she doesn't snap out of it. These subtle movements usually go unnoticed, until Pac started picking up on them. Cue him stepping in to hold her hands and divert her attention away from whatever is stressing her out.

To return the favour, Cyli will often pull Pac out of a stressful or anxious haze by taking him out to dance with her in the rain. She's a nature baby, of course she's going to rope him into one of her favourite methods to kill stress :)

Pac often brings Cyli a new type of invention or puzzle because she likes to solve things, whereas Cyli often brings him little exotic snacks or foods that he's never tasted before. It's their way of saying, "Hey, I know you like this thing, and it made me think of you, so I brought it along to see you go feral over it :>"

It wasn't as evident in the show, but I'd like to think that Pac and Cyli are academic rivals. They both seem to do well in school, and Pac even says he's gonna try and beat her A+ grades with his own in "That Smarts." So I hc that two of them often study together...while teasing and trash-talking each other in between.

Following up on that, the two will also often engage in friendly banter on other matters...

"Don't say it. Don't you DARE-" "So what'cha say, Cat-Man, are those ears only good for hearing long distances?" "They're not ears, Cyli, for puck's sake they're my eyebrows!"

Pac is a nerd when it comes to History. Cyli is a nerd when it comes to, well, a lot of things. Give these two a book or something of a shared interest, and you've got them talking and nerding out over the given subject for hours.

One time, Cyli lost her glasses and had to wait a week for a new pair to arrive, and during that time she had to deal with the frustrations that came with vision impairment (squinting, tripping over things, mistaking people's faces, etc.) But one thing that's helped her out is to keep her eyes on Pac...since he's the only Yellow Orb in a sea of blurry colours, he's her beacon to go to whenever she has a hard time looking for her friends.

Cyli knew that Pac had developed feelings for her long before he actually confessed. He didn't hide it very well... XD But the feeling was mutual for her. She just wanted to hear him say it first, in a similar fashion to the way she wanted to hear his apology outright at the end of the "All You Can Eat" episode. The memory of this goofy yellow boy turning into a blushing and stuttering mess while trying to confess his feelings is one that she'll always cherish :3

I've got a few more hc's other than these, but some of them I'm keeping a secret for now ;)

[rainbowsky]

Hi Rainbowsky

Hope now your tensions are bit less. Came to know about the loss of your known ones through your Post... My heart felt condolences for the same!!

Plz feel free not to answer now , you can answer after you think you have become stronger facing the present circumstances .. the mental torture turtles are facing now a days is beyond words. I too have cried so many times, and whenever I feel anxious I read and re read your blog which makes me feel better and I thank you for that to atleast provide some vision in this tough time!!

I was just wandering if GG has posted something on any social media on the occasion of dragon boat festival and I found none. I don't have any assess on weibo so no idea. I want your opinion on this. Is it normal or does it have any significance observing the current scenario...

Loads of lov

Take care

Hi Shakurablossom. Thanks, I'm doing OK. 😊

Neither GG or DD posted anything for Dragon Boat Festival. It is unusual, as GG normally always posts something, and DD has posted something for the past couple years as well. Nothing this year.

Of course there's no way of knowing why. There are a few fan speculations and theories.

The current situation might play a role in why. It's possible they don't want to post anything 'festive' when they know fans are hurting.

There's also the fact that they're likely together right now as they're both in Beijing. They might be too busy and more focused on home life than on social media. This year's Dragon Boat Festival fell on 622, which is a number of significance to GGDD from way back. Fans speculate it's their anniversary or a date of similar importance.

A lot of fans are speculating it might be because GG doesn't want to mess with the post count on his accounts. GG's personal account is at 1005 right now (his birthday - 5 Oct), XZ Studio's is at 823 (bo ai san - Bo Loves Zhan).

No one knows, though, and there's really no way of finding out.

[readingtoinfinity]

DNF: Pizza Tower (Project NoBa24)

When I started this project, I knew there would almost certainly be a game I wouldn't finish. Completion I would almost always skip over, but finishing? I thought I'd be able to do that. Alas.

Pizza Tower was released almost two years ago to almost-instantaneous acclaim, or at least it was nowhere on my radar before everyone was talking about it and also making thirst art of Peppino. I heard a lot of claims of Wario Land similarity thrown around, but as I've not played those games I can't say if the comparison is justified; I'm also not likely to check those out at this time.

Like Cuphead this game has a distinctive art style, though using simple high-contrast digital art rather than Fleischer-style cartoons. I was reminded fondly of my days editing sprites on Smackjeeves (before that site went away) and examining the color work was a fun nostalgia trip. But like Cuphead, Pizza Tower is willing to lock all the art behind a difficulty gate, a choice I find artistically commendable but frustrating in this specific context.

There's a lot to love about this game: the plot is absolutely simple (Peppino's restaurant needs money and so he ascends a magical tower to seek its fortune) so that you can focus on the gameplay and sprite work. Peppino is an astonishingly-dynamic and fleshed-out character for a guy who barely speaks, having poses and animations for many specific and varied contexts. He's an anxious mess, giving Luigi a run for his money as the most fearful Italian video game character, but also capable of locking in and getting things done, though no less fearfully than before. There's a sense he's hanging on by a thread but determined enough for that to be all he needs. And as for the gameplay, the moves you can do are incredibly varied, starting with jump and grab and from there to dash, climb, long jump, dive, rush, uppercut and, later, fire a shotgun. There are so many options for you to blitz your way through the levels and arrive at your goal.

And that's where my problems start. Pizza Tower is a different beast than something like Cuphead or Super Mario Bros. Wonder, both games I 100% completed, where you have much reduced controls in what you can do. Cuphead is just shooting, jumping and dashing, and Wonder reduces that to sprinting and jumping. There are further complexities in both, of course, but Pizza Tower starts from a complicated base and expands from there. I'm reminded of Pseudoregalia in a lot of ways, which also boasts a complicated moveset, but Pizza Tower is completely comfortable leaving you in the dark and having to train in the tutorial until you figure something out.

For indeed Pizza Tower is uncompromising in its design. The game is busy and brightly-colored, fast-paced and busy in a way that makes playing exhausting. I had finished the first four floors before I realized that I wasn't having fun playing them, which completely dispelled the illusion that the stress it was giving me was something I enjoyed. I also beat two of the three levels on the final floor, but only stopped at WAR! because I found it too stressful. From there I just watched a playthrough and considered myself content, for even if I had enjoyed the gameplay there was one thing I resolutely didn't enjoy.

I do not enjoy the boss battles in this game. The complicated control scheme is finicky and hard to use in the constrained space of the boss arenas, and the boss battles are memorable and unforgiving. They get more health than you, they can't be hurt except at key moments and they will recover their health for a second wind that annoys the hell out of me even in writing. I didn't enjoy any of the boss battles I beat, and when I looked up the final boss I decided it wasn't something I was going to be invested in beating.

I want to remind anyone reading this that the game is still fantastic. All the mechanics I talked about are definitely someone's cup of tea, and the game is rated Overwhelmingly Positive on Steam for a damned good reason. But someone is not everyone, and for every rule there's an exception. I wanted to like this game, and I tried my best to enjoy the experience, but at the end of the day I just have to understand it's not for me. Maybe I'll pick it up in the future, but not today.

Time played: 7.1 hours

Next game: Balatro

[finniestoncrane]

Heyo finnie!! Congrats on 1500 I'm so proud of you! I hope you have fun with this event and don't burn yourself out! You deserve nothing but the best! 💚💚

Anywho, I'm here for a blind date..., I've never been on one before but always been interested lol.

So...I know you already know like probably WAY TOO MUCH about me (more than you cared to EVER know lmao)and we're kinda similar hehe BUT I'm gonna try and describe myself for you anyhow lol

I'm a 24 year old woman who is often described as thoughtful, wise, and genuine. If I'm not writing, I'm drawing or vice versa. I'm usually creating or working on something! My interests often vary but they're usually centered around cartoons and comics! I love video games even though depending on the console I'm shit at them but enjoy the concepts and art that goes into them nonetheless! Basically I'm a socially anxious mess of a nerd that's trying her best lmao.

Hope this is decent enough that was really hard🥴😂

💜 blind date 💜 the kitchen is now closed! 🔞minors dni🔞 • masterlist • kofi link • tag: finnie1500 (to follow or to block) a/n: there were so many options i could have picked from ri but i knew in my heart EXACTLY who to send you on a date with💚

"Hello, and welcome to the Vill-Inn! Your date has been here getting things ready. I hope you weren't in the mood for soda and burgers, because he's ordered tiny sandwiches and a pot of tea for the table..."

As you approach your table, your date stands up and takes off his top hat, holding it in both hands in front of him nervously as he introduces himself.

"It's so wonderful to meet you! I'm Jervis."

You can tell he's impressed that he's made it through the whole sentence without stammering, and it's hard not to offer him a warm smile in return for his charming grin, punctuated by his protruding overbite.

He's quick to try and get to know you, but equally forthcoming about himself. And he mentions repeatedly how nice it is to have someone who is so polite and attentive, willing to give him so much attention.

Jervis is also extremely interested in your writing and art, especially taken by how creative you are. Like you have invented worlds to escape into on a whim.

"Why, you could have created as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

And when you broach the subject of Lewis Carroll, he's entranced by your knowledge, how much you know, how bright your eyes are when you talk about it. Which by the way, don't think he hasn't noticed your blonde hair and blue eyes. You'd make a wonderful Alice, truly. And though he wants to compliment you, he really is struggling to find the words.

"You do look marvellous, my dear. But I'm finding it difficult to put it into words. I think I could, if only I knew how to begin."

When you blush at his words, so poetic, so charming, he's completely besotted. Shy, unaware of how magnificent you are? It would be very easy for him to swoop in and claim you as his own.

For what feels like forever, he listens, eyes wide and holding his chest, as your tell him about your love of comics, games, and cartoons. Wonderous, joyous hobbies, escapism with whimsy, something he is familiar with himself.

The wait staff interrupt you though, and you realise that they're cleaning up around you. You wonder how long you've been talking, commenting on how it feels like only a moment you've spent with him. It's silly, but you tell him you hope that you haven't talked too much, or wasted the time to get to know him more as he was listening to you.

"If you knew time as well as I do, or how deeply intrigued by you I am, then you wouldn't talk about wasting it."

[petite-ursus]

With my birthday next week (eeee!) I finally managed to get some journaling done. 7 pages and I only got a fraction of the summer onto paper. So many wonderful and strange and exciting things have happened the last few months... it's just so difficult to sum it up.

I've mentioned there's a part of me that wishes I was at a point where I felt safe to be emotionally available... to really put an effort into dating again... but I think because it has been such a whirlwind summer with Options At Hand I just keep forgetting how little time has past since the ex finally got out of my house.

It was less than a year ago that I was waking up every morning literally drenched in sweat. I was still being touched when I didn't want it. I wasn't being allowed to sleep through the night. I was anxious and scared, sad and lonely in a way I've never experienced before, and honestly it feels so surreal now.

I'm sure the ex has been madly in and out of love at least twice in the time it has taken me just to feel okay again... that's who she is, and I don't view that as a flex. Still, there is a part of me that wishes I could have snapped back even half so quickly and that I had a wonderful gorgeous partner on my arm to validate to the world that I'm Good... that's just not where I am.

She terrorized me. Threw my furniture. Screamed at me. Took over my bedroom and wrecked my sleep. Wouldn't get out of my house, and made the place I loved most into a palace of eggshells. She intentionally made me doubt my judgement, made me feel small and unsure... and yeah, I've spent the last year recovering the self she saw and wanted to have, if not love. Excavate her from the wreckage. Whatever.

I've said it before and I'll say it again... I'm still afraid. Not of her, because she has no access to me... but of what I allowed, and could allow again. Hindsight is 20/20 and I see now how she was like a copy paste in a lot of ways of other people I've loved. The difference of course being that while those relationships were rocky they were based in mutual love. I've been mulling on what a difference that makes... What habits that allows to form. They all had these similar through lines, but with her it was a more dangerous iteration because she wanted to possess me as someone she saw value in... but never actually loved me as a person. Being with her forced me confront some very real relationship patterns of my own, without that glammer of love to make the acts of violence less damning. Who I choose. Why I choose them. The full depth of the harm choosing people like that can do to me. I want to believe that now, having been through that I'll make different choices. I know even as I'm browsing the apps I'm doing it differently than I did before... but people lie, and I don't want to enter my next relationship with my guard all the way up. There's only so much I can do, and then I have to trust another person...

I still can't imagine letting anyone into my home again. I don't know if that's something I'll ever be able to do.Though I hope I say this like a character in a book who doesn't know she's going to be living with the love of her life in 5 chapters(years.)

Two weeks ago was one of the first times since she destroyed the peace I found in my home, where I looked around and said, "Oh I love it here," again. The animals are all happy and healthy, the string lights and plants and all my rocks and decorations make my heart sing. There's no mess and no clutter. I think, maybe now that I have a landing space again... a real refuge again that doesn't feel just like... a place where something terrible happened, with gaps in the furniture and wall decorations where my things were removed to make space for her... maybe now I can get there, to a place where I can let someone else in... but man... tldr, I really just need to give myself a break and let it happen when it happens. It was so so bad. I've had such a wonderful year by comparison that the edges of my memory have softened and made me feel like I should be "back at it," with the life goals that involve another person... but like so bad my actual health deteriorated and I was literally in the hospital. It is OK that it is taking time (LESS THAN A YEAR) to process it all and heal from it. SHOULDERS take more time to fully heal than that sometimes.

Life is so long. There is so much time.

And also, as an aside... I've been rolling around in my head what a surprise blessing it is that in seeing how unloved I was in this last relationship I'm able to find real love in my past relationships where I'd been unsure of it before, because it was so clearly there by comparison. Not that I'd go back to these other people, not that it changes any of the things that were/went wrong, but to know that even if I wasn't loved well... I was loved... That's valuable to me. That's a gift I wasn't expecting.

[starlightscarsyt]

[Brotherly Bond - DRDT Fantasy AU]

Searing Genesis had been traveling for several days now. It was time to rest and clean themselves up. The four of them stopped at a local inn, with Teruko & Veronika sharing a room, and Arturo & Charles sharing another. The perfect place to catch up with themselves.

Arturo had informed Teruko & Veronika that he would be taking Charles to a small hot springs he found while exploring the nearby woods. Teruko gave em' the okay, and off to the hot springs they went.

…At the hot springs, Arturo was already inside the calming waters, his mask removed with only a towel wrapped around him. He looked over to Charles, who was in a slightly similar state, with his glasses off and the same towel manner, but not inside the springs yet. Arturo sighed.

"C'mon now, it's just us two. You don't need to be shy." His tone was reassuring, at best.

"I-I don't know…I've never experienced this kind of thing before…"

"Hey, I get that. But still, you don't need to worry. We brought our weapons in case anything happens, and if anyone tries to do anything to you, I'll gut them. Okay?"

"…"

Charles nervously sighed and sat himself into the hot waters. He even let his hair flow in the water. Arturo gently smiled at him.

"See? Nothing bad happened."

"Mmm…I guess not." Charles messed with his hair strands.

….

"Is something on your mind, Charles?" The tall elf looked at his mage friend.

"Uh, well…I guess." Charles looked away.

"…"

Arturo scooted closer to him.

"You can tell me, you know."

"…"

"So, what's up?"

….

"…I…I guess I'm just nervous."

"About?"

"…Sometimes…I wonder if I'm even doing enough for our guild. I mean, look at me…I'm a fumbling wreck who hides behind you whenever we're in big crowds, I get anxious to the point I can't properly cast my spells, and…"

Charles stared at his reflection in the water.

"I don't even remember the brother I lost."

"…"

Arturo gets it now. Charles…feels like he isn't good enough. He thinks all of his flaws will only weigh their group down. Well, he can't exactly blame him for feeling that. He was isolated in his home in the woods all by himself for so long. He barely talked to people before all of this. Who wouldn't be nervous with such big changes like that?

…

"…Don't be so hard on yourself."

"Huh?"

"I get how you feel. I mean, I felt the same way when I first left my own village. I thought someone would get hurt if I abandoned my home. I thought they all wouldn't survive without me."

"W-Why would you think that? You're one of the most powerful healers ever!"

"Yes…but the last time I left my village to gather ingredients for more healing equipment…I too lost my sibling for it."

"…Your…sibling?"

"My little sister. I saw her die…right in front of my own eyes. And ever since then…that guilt I had prevented me from ever stepping foot outside my village…all because of that one day."

Arturo's elf ears drooped slightly. Charles would tell this story was painful for him to remember.

"I…I'm sorry."

"It's okay. What's better now is that I learned to grow from that experience, all because Teruko brought me into her guild."

"…"

"I know how isolation feels. And leaving it can be scary, Charles. Same with feeling like you aren't enough. But let me reassure you of something."

Arturo gently laid his hand on Charles' head, softly patting it.

"You are enough, no matter if you think so or not. You're still growing and adjusting to your new environment, and that's okay"

"…!"

"And even if your own older brother is gone, you can count me to be one that will stay by your side. That way…we won't both be alone. One way or another."

"…"

Charles felt himself tearing up. Nobody had ever treated him with such kindness. And more than that…is Arturo really speaking the truth? Is he truly enough?

"…"

"Thank you…" Charles smiled through his slight tears.

"…Of course."

The two spent the rest of their time in the springs…allowing themselves some much needed relaxation. Together, as brothers. Not by blood…but by heart.

[End]

[welcometololaland]

All Austin Everything???

I didn't see it yet and I'm really curious about how they would be connected ^^

This ask is from...February 19th. I'm so sorry. I have no excuses. Literally my inbox is a mess of stuff from ages ago that I never got around to answering and I apologise profusely for my crimes.

I think this was an ask about the RWRB/LS crossover that has been LANGUISHING in my Google Docs for months now. Actually, a lot of fics have been languishing at the expense of ALTA which fights me and my sanity constantly. Every second day someone has to convince me not to set fire to it. But anyway, that is not the point.

I have thoughts about 911 Lone Star and RWRB and none of them are coherent but let me set them out for you:

I think a lot of people take a look at the characters in RWRB and Lone Star and think: Alex Claremont Diaz is to TK Strand what Henry FMCW (sorry Henry i'm not typing your full name) is to Carlos Reyes. Certainly, I see similarities there. Alex and TK both have personalities that are a little chaos demon (and are children of divorced parents), whereas Henry and Carlos are more cautious, considered and have a love of their life that is also somewhat the bane of their existence.

So this fic was always intended to be a bit of a fun character study more than anything. I can kind of see Carlos getting a little like ??? over a real life prince and I can see TK and Alex running off into the sunset and doing something unhinged like bringing home several lizards for their beloveds (on second thoughts, maybe not Alex - he was scared of those turkeys). ANYWAY.

The real point of the character study was to actually look at the alternative interactions, because I think if we scratch the surface a little deeper, more similarities appear.

Alex and Carlos have obvious similarities - in that they're both Mexican-American, born and raised in Austin and can cook. But they're similar in other ways too. They're both a little perfectionistic, overachieving types with a fear of failure. They're also both a little anxious and can bury themselves in a task to prevent confronting their emotions.

Henry and TK...oh my god. Do NOT get me started. Let's go with the obvious first: they were both very close with a parent that died young. They've both suffered from poor mental health and either experienced or been very close to someone experiencing difficulties with substances. They both historically believed themselves to be undeserving of the love that someone else was trying to give them and have both run away from expressions of that love when things got too real. They both (at some point) felt trapped in an identity that felt pre-determined (I see this for TK as his career as a firefighter given that his father is one and he had serious questions about it in s 1 and then obviously changed in s 2).

ANYWAY I think I had better points once upon a time and it's very late and I'm sleepy so sorry this is the best you're getting out of me tonight.

One day this fic will get finished, but in the meantime let's all just pray that ALTA writes itself and I am freed to stop stressing about a 110k piece of writing that just refuses to co-operate.

Thanks for the ask!

[mochinon-yah]

NUUU ITS OKEY NWS!! i've been like off-and-online sporadically but anyway coughs

yeee!!! i hope that you're able to get some time to yourself so you can do the things you enjoy heheheh (speaking of which, what are some of your fave manwhas? i need some new ones to read ;-;) but good luck with that project!

(dw i got scratched by a cat too a couple times)

YE CATBEDO!!

fr tho, i feel like he'd be a lot clingier than he normally is? especially when i'm off doing my own thing like drawing or sewing. he'd probably mess around with my art supplies at some point just out of spite /aff. "oh, i see you. you're just being cheeky."

or "i just saw you knock over my paint, don't act all cute, mister."

methinks he's not very subtle smh. i just happened to be looking jskfjsbfhs

but anyway! i'd love to learn how to drive someday, but now since i'm too anxious and i get like very overwhelmed easily guh ;3; (night drives are scary, thats why i'm usually the passenger princess + im not expected to drive but my bf said he'd teach me someday. man drives like a grandma tho JFKSNFBS)

oho icic well im slowlyyyy falling down the hsr rabbit hole bc of sunday and jiaoqiu so im like on the brink of becoming obsessed hehe

THIS IS SO LATE VIVI, I'M SORRY 😭😭😭

I got too busy with life and i forgot that you actually sent an ask 😭😭 i even forgot fish's ask hdhdhdjdjd my bad everyone, i'm not one to engange in social interactions all the time so maybe that's why i forgot orz

Anyway, moving on to the ask-

After this really busy project of mine, i'm finally able to get some me time to myself! Actually, tomorrow, i'm going to go to a haunted house near the place i live with my friends jdnddnhdjdj we've been wanting to go there but yea life got busy and the plan got postponed

But finally!!!! I am going 🤩💪

I HAVE A LOT OF FAVE MANWHAS ACTUALLY!!! Omg i don't have a lot of people to talk abt this with, but i need your fave genre of manwhas so i can recommend something that you'd like!

Catbedo.... i can totally imagine that 😆

I bet he really just annoys you on purpose so he could get attention lol, i can see him be all "what? i'm not doing anything, what do you i'm bothering you?" He's becoming so cheeky after meeting you, it's wild 😭

LMAOOO YEAH YEAH he's not very subtle but your observation skill is literally on top, so you just sometimes see him be a mess of a man and you can't help but to laugh bdnsjsjjdns

OH imagine if that's what makes him so interested in you!! He did something dumb cute -> you saw and laughed silently -> he's curious as to who saw that (σ≧▽≦)σ i think that'd be such a cute fluff story!!

but anyway! i'd love to learn how to drive someday, but now since i'm too anxious and i get like very overwhelmed easily guh ;3; (night drives are scary, thats why i'm usually the passenger princess + im not expected to drive but my bf said he'd teach me someday. man drives like a grandma tho JFKSNFBS)

Honestly being anxious to drive is so normal, so don't worry about it vivi!! Idk about the place you live in, but if you wanna drive, you should learn it continuously without stopping so your brain doesn't forget! If i remember correctly, my brother learned how to drive in one week (like actually driving a car and all that) continuously, because if he did stop, he could forget some stuff :o so i kinds think it's a matter of do u want to do it or do you reeeeaalllyyy want to do it?

Well, all in all, good luck vivi!!! (Before moving on to the last topic, i gotta mention the way you said ur bf drives like a grandma and laugh at it for a while LMAO)

Oh yk i can see why you'd like sunday and jiaoqiu, they both have similar vibe with each other 😭😭 do u perhaps like to simp for sussy guys- i mean, yeah, me too bestie- *coughs* the hsr rabbit hole is not gonna swallow you itself, so take ur time lmao once you're in, it's gonna be hard to get out 😆

[eaymtb]

It's three weeks today since I last wrote a chapter and I'm feeling weirdly anxious about that fact, like. I've taken accidental long breaks before, but never longer than 14 days and never on purpose and I'm just. It feels bad? XD It feels bad. And it's not an obligation thing, or an external expectations thing, or a productivity thing. It's something internal that I can't quite explain. I suppose in a way it's good, that not writing feels wrong somehow. It's a little like that feeling when I know I've forgotten something really important but can't remember what. Except I know what it is in this case. But it's similar to that, that looming 'what am I not doing, what important thing am I not doing? oh no.'

It's undoubtedly exacerbated by having just collated my word count tracking into a tab on the spreadsheet. I've been tracking up to this point by posting screenshots each time I post a chapter in a discord server I share with a friend as a progress/update/be my cheerleader bitch kind of thing. So this is the first time I've actually seen it all laid out neatly, all together, after scrolling back through that channel and collecting all the data. I had a Moment when I re-calculated the monthly word total for April. It was under 30k and I was so sure I'd hit my goal for that month. But I'm also really bad at math, so the possibility I'd just messed up adding my word counts as I was going was very real. Until I remembered the goal was 25k so yes, yes I did in fact hit that goal, lol. It's super cool that eaymtb is over 100k now, I never thought I'd write something that long. But the monthly word count goals are what's satisfying. Probably because those are challenges and goals I can actually set for myself and meet. I didn't end up making the 30k goal for May. I kind of did on a technicality if I count the catwin fic I posted. But I'm not counting it because that feels like cheating. So, nope, didn't make May's word count goal. Sad forever!

Actually I think I might be freaking out over June being empty of data? God my mental health is so fucking weird. I can't tell if it's an anxiety thing or an autistic thing. Both, probably. Apparently my nervous system thinks I'm going to fucking die if I don't have at least one thing to put in June. XD

Okay, well, I guess I'm going to have to see about writing the next chapter then. Slowly, though, I've got two weeks left of my self-prescribed break, so I can potter and take my time instead of sprinting.

Edit: Oh LOL. TMI probably, but I just realized all my longer breaks (10 days in Feb, 14 in April, 11 May, all coincide with my PMS/period cycle, which makes perfect sense. March was a random easy, low pain cycle which happens sometimes, which is probably why that break was only 6 days. This is why I love collating data. It makes what should be an obvious pattern actually apparent.