#i do not want to fight anyone but especially not a terf

[punkitt-is-here]

Hi, I'm genuinely looking for an explanation here and not looking for an argument /srs

Can you explain how calling a transfem a TERF for spreading ideology that I genuinely assumed was included in the definition of TERFism is othering ? Not to be that guy, but I'm autistic and I'm having a very hard time connecting the points you're making, and I genuinely want to learn and understand what you're saying /gen

Again, I do hope this doesn't come off as hostile, I am genuinely trying to learn and understand better, and I want to be able to fix misconceptions about what a TERF is in my own mind, and I haven't seen anyone bring this point up before /gen

You absolutely do not have to answer this, but I hope you have a fabulous rest of your day, and I do apologize for what I said, as it wasn't necessary for me to comment on the situation.

Yeah totally! Okay, I got a lot of this from Ibram X. Kendi's "How to be Antiracist"* where he talks about describing "racist" as an identity means that hardly anyone is going to ever "identify" with it, even if they are a racist. It's much more helpful to talk about actions being racist or anti-racist. Someone committing racist acts speaks far more to the vulnerability of anyone to cause harm, rather than it being something ONLY reserved for someone with the identity of "racist". For example, Clarence Thomas, a black man, has done untold amounts of harm to the black population in the US. If we subscribe to the "oh, (X) can't be racist, they are (a minority)" train of thought, it means people are less likely to understand that Clarence Thomas commits racist acts. In the same way, describing yourself as an anti-racist is not enough, as it can let people be comfortable with racist actions because they think "oh, I'm an anti-racist, I can't commit acts of racial harm." That's why it's more helpful to describe acts as racist and anti-racist rather than framing them as identities.

In a similar way, describing someone as the label of "TERF" can have a similar effect. Because it's specifically a label centered around being anti-trans, transgender people of all kinds will easily assume they cannot be transphobic, because the label of TERF is ideologically opposed to their existence. It invites ridicule rather than introspection. By saying actions can be transphobic, I think it helps a lot more because it's easier to understand that trans people can be transphobic. For example, Blaire White is right there. Despite being a trans woman, she is actively doing transphobic acts. By calling out an action as transphobic rather than describing someone as a "TERF", it helps fight back against the idea that being trans means you cannot be transphobic. For a super duper simple example, I can step on my dogs tail, but it doesn't mean I hate dogs, it means I committed an act of harm against my dog. Describing me as a dog-hater when I LOVE dogs would invite ridicule more than it would a tendency to watch my step when my dog is in the house. I hope this makes sense!

*I'm not trying to say the Black and Trans experience is exactly the same, just that like any oppressed group, there is a lot of overlap in tactics and thinking, especially for people who are Black and Trans. Reading about other groups can really give you a ton of helpful insight on how to work within your own identity!

[teaboot]

Do you think that cis men feel the same way as trans men do? Like with how men get treated by society as being inherently evil and as predators?

I think maybe both cis and trans men experience these issues but it's easier for a trans guy to point it out because he gets to see people so quickly turn on him for being a man while transitioning

oh yeah definitely

I find "meninists" fucking obnoxious, especially as any of their VALID concerns fall under the bracket of feminism, but there does exist a presence of radfems and terfs that are scarily eager to lash out at anything resembling masculine that. Definitely needs to be addressed somehow

Like. There's a mile of middle ground between "Um yeah women have problems, whatever, but what about ME and MY FEELINGS 😢" and "I am genuinely trying my best to be thoughtful and considerate of others, and everything I do is being met with bad-faith interpretations and dismissal"

And I think the best advice I have for anyone else getting bogged down by this is that. like.

If someone is determined to see the worst in you, nothing you can do to prove otherwise will be enough. You will never change that person's mind. They don't want you to change their mind. So like... just focus on you, and keep doing your best, and learn, and know that people determined to find something nasty don't really have an issue with YOU- they have their own experiences and traumas coloring their worldview.

Someone who is determined to see you as a monster will only ever see a monster. So it's better to ask yourself, "would a monster do what I'm doing?". If the answer is yes, take steps to change that. If the answer is no, then it's not about you, and you can give yourself permission to move on.

So... yeah, I imagine cis men probably do feel the way I feel about this sorta thing sometimes.

Except, like. After a lifetime being a girl, living as a girl, fighting for equality as the only girl in a lot of men's spaces, being a feminist girl and an Eldest Daughter girl and calling out the bullshit only to later realize I'm not a girl... and that Im actually mostly a dude, still a feminist... at least when people call me a mysoginist, I know they're talking out their ass

I can kinda see where young men encounter their very first radfems calling themselves feminists and immediately become radicalized right-wing conservatives cause like. If I as a teen thought feminism meant Radfems and Terfs, I'd probably start running too

It's all just so exhausting

Any one group being wholesale grouped as "100% helpless gentle victim" or "100% selfish malevolent monster" is doomed, imo

(Now watch the notes blow up with "this is just 'not all men' rhetoric, lol)

But anyways I hate nuance I hate interpretation I hate implication and symbolism and context and I wish everything in the world was simpler so we could all blow a collective joint together and invent some new soups

[miraculouslumination]

Just because twitter is collapsing and we'll probably be getting an influx of users coming back with extreme terf/exclus brain fungus;

Mspec lesbians and mspec gays are not your enemy!! They are not Ruining the Sanctity of lesbianism or gayness. They are not the reason why cis men are lesbophobic, and they are not why bigots can't take gay people seriously

They are NOT a community that uses a label made to describe a lesbian who is attracted to trans women. It was not made by terfs. It is a label that is largely used by queer people with a beautifully complex sense of sexuality, and/or oftentimes gender identity/identities

Mspec lesbians and mspec gays are simply a subset of the lesbian and gay community, much like the asexual lesbians, or aromantic gays, or the trans* lesbians or the non-he/him gays. These are diverse communities, and have been for decades, even centuries.

No one in the mspec lesbian and mspec gay communities are demanding anyone to do anything, especially in regards to a stranger's own sexuality. All they ask for and want is understanding, respect, and care. Just like the rest of us - just like you.

Mspec lesbians and mspec gays are people who have probably gone through a lot of inner reflection on who they are and what label they want. As you most likely have, as well, and so have I.

We all start off with the same question - "what am I?" - it's just that we all end up with our own answers, each one similar and different to each other.

We are a community. A family. Having a kneejerk "but!! My feelings!" is inevitable, especially with the more complex or obscure things, but that is something that should be temporary and then let go.

Do not let that hook of fear dig into you, because it won't lead you toward the bright future you want.

Fight it, open your mind, and listen to us

The world is always weirder than you think

[genderqueerdykes]

Not expecting a reply but wished to express (as a transfeminine person) thanks for your post regarding transandrophobia, had been seeing a large amount of my trans mutuals on this site begin to buy into a perception of transmasculine people which was an identical duplicate of those held by members of the TERF movement here in the UK, that they are entitled, immature, incapable of self determination and unneeding of liberation. Despite awareness that any individual can adopt cruel beliefs and that it might be comforting to do so (and despite awareness of this sites history of bullying campaigns targeting highly specific marginalised groups) I was confused as to why so many people found that perception in any way legitimate, especially during a time in which trans people of any assigned sex are so conspicuously in peril.

i wanted to thank you for taking the time to send this, i really appreciate you!

honestly, having so many transfeminine people step forward and say that this is making them uncomfortable has been amazing. it really is the minority of people behaving this way. most transfeminine people do not want to see someone else being hated for their gender or assigned sex- i mean, why would we want that...? that's what people do to us, why would we ever benefit from doing it to someone else?

a large amount of my trans mutuals on this site begin to buy into a perception of transmasculine people which was an identical duplicate of those held by members of the TERF movement here in the UK, that they are entitled, immature, incapable of self determination and unneeding of liberation.

dead on the money, i could not have articulated it better if tried. beautifully worded. people, whether or not they realize this, are 100% parroting terf rhetoric when they treat trans men this way. this behavior was born in terf circles, and now it's spreading to other people. people are not realizing that they're being radicalized in a way that harms other people. terfs hate trans women, of course, we know this, but they hate trans men and mascs as well, and that's not a good thing. i have no clue why people look at terfs and rad fems and go. they're evil for hating trans women/transfems. but they're BASED AS FUCK for hating trans men and mascs. like HELLO?

i have no idea why people look at rad fems and go "wow they're actually so based for hating men that is so awesome they're right all men are evil girlboss gatekeep gaslight fuck men uwu but i promise i don't hate trans women!!! i'm not a terf i don't hate trans women! terfs hate trans women and i'm not like that! i can't be a terf if i don't hate trans women hating trans men is good because all men are bad!!!!!!!!" why are you agreeing with ANY of their politics? they hate ALL trans people: that is a bad thing! hating any group of trans people is a bad thing! that is transphobia!!! people seem to think that terfs only hate trans women which is so far from the truth. why do people think it's okay to condemn part of their beliefs but not all?

like y'all wake the FUCK UP rad feminism is not progressive! you do not look cool for saying you hate trans men and transmascs! you are not pushing queer rights forward. you are not lobbying for trans women if you throw trans men under the bus.

I was confused as to why so many people found that perception in any way legitimate, especially during a time in which trans people of any assigned sex are so conspicuously in peril.

this is exactly what i don't understand. i do not understand why people think that attacking a group of trans people will somehow lessen our suffering. as if splitting up and fighting with each other will somehow bring down cisheteronormative patriarchy.

how does any of this help anyone? like seriously. how? please explain to me how this helps anyone. how does this help trans women get access to gender affirming care? how does this help trans women who are single mothers? how does this help trans women of color who are dealing with racism on top of transmisogyny? how does this help trans women who need medical care? how does this help trans women find jobs that won't turn them away for being trans? how does this help trans women who are scared about coming out as trans? how does this help trans women who live in transphobic towns and countries? how does this help trans women find community support? how does this help homeless trans women? how does this help trans women who need help with addiction? how does this help trans women escape domestic violence? how does this help trans women who are too poor to stay afloat?

thanks for stopping by, i really appreciate this message, and it does a lot of people good to hear other transfems who are not okay with this. your message will do a lot of good, so i think it's very important to publish. :) take care of yourself, thank you so much for being a compassionate person! this was a very insightful ask, thank you!

[most-hated-blorbo-bracket]

Welcome to the most hated blorbo bracket!

Do you have a blorbo that you absolutely hate?

Is there a character that makes you want to tear your hair out?

Do you want to put them in terrifying situations and study them under a microscope?

If so, this bracket is the one for YOU!

Our mission is to find the absolute most hated character in tumblr history. Will it be someone universally hated? Or someone more niche?

Let’s find out!

Rules

ABSOLUTELY no TERFs, bigots, transphobes, racists, or any sort of shit like that! This is supposed to be a lighthearted tournament, and I will NOT tolerate any fighting.

Your blorbo will be judged mainly upon the propaganda YOU give. I don’t know most media, so please be detailed!

Your blorbo must be hated :)

Characters from controversial media will most likely be accepted. If it’s from something especially controversial, I’ll send out a poll about the media and have the people decide your blorbo’s fate. If anyone is uncomfortable with a certain character after the bracket is revealed, please let me know!

Know that I am running this alone..so expect some silly little things to happen by accident! This is also my first ever bracket :3

Propaganda in asks is always welcome, as well as just silly cat pictures and whatnot.

Aaaand…here is where you can find your submission link!

Tags for exposure + inspo under cut!

@pinkhairswagtourney @canonmisogynyvictimstournament @most-datable-datable-bracket @the-nobody-tournament @dumbass-duo-showdown @dumbass-duels @leastdatablebracket @let-me-date-them-bracket @ultimate-blorbo-bracket @stinky-fuck-swag @action-brodown @pikmintournament @starwarspilotstournament @theater-kid-throwdown @badass-queer-couples-battle @art-that-fucks-you-up-tournament @obliterated-character-tournament @fuckingstupidbracket @generic-man-in-suit-battle

[genderkoolaid]

Do you still believe HRT, which unless you have a messed up endocrine system doesn't hurt or sterilize anyone , and SRS, which often calls for reduction or addition of things and doesn't have to entail the removal of any genitals, gonads etc, are in the same vein as being trans abled, and wanting things like debilitating illness, removed limbs, and to use mobility aids etc when physically and mentally abled? /genq

It could've been a trollpost, but I saw someone posting about something that supposedly came from you about how it's the same as removing healthy gonads or to sterilize oneself intentionally to want a limb removed to disable oneself /g

Uh, yeah, at the very least I believe it doesn't make sense to support people's ability to choose one but not the other. [Also as a necessary disclaimer: I am physically disabled and I use both a cane and a wheelchair. It has had a major impact on my life. This is my opinion as a cripple who suffers on a daily basis from both my disabilities and systemic ableism.]

If you get healthy gonads or sex organs removed, you are essentially reproductively disabled. When it comes to phalloplasty, especially RFF, your arm can experience some nerve issues (which for most people is not serious, there are therapies you do to help recover) but you could, potentially, experience some kind of disability. None of this is a value statement about any kind of medical transition because disability is morally neutral. In fact for many people being reproductively disabled is an entirely positive thing! Even though for another person it could be deeply upsetting!

I've fought for a long time against TERF fearmongering about transmasculine transition, specifically HRT, and their warnings that "it will make your good pure body DISABLED!!!!!" which is both ableist and transphobic. It comes from the assumption that a disabled body is inherently lesser and tragic and a place of suffering, and that no trans person would ever take disability for the ability to experience euphoria and relieve their dysphoria. Many of us would rather be disabled and happy than abled and suffering. So why do we only get to apply this to medical transitioning for trans people?

Yes, obviously getting a limb removed or paralyzed or losing a sense is going to change how you live and you will have to deal with a lot of ableism. But it's not up to me to tell someone else that they shouldn't pursue happiness and relieve because oh no! They might be a DISABLED PERSON! The worst thing to be in the whole wide world!!!!!!!! Like disabled people already have to constantly hear "wow if I was you I'd kill myself." And while you shouldn't comment your feelings on someone else's condition unprovoked, I think it's way better to see people getting excited to live a happy and active disabled life instead of constant traumaporn. So yeah I think people should have the ability to pursue voluntary disability & I also think it would be cool to see people with BIID reclaim the label of transabled, since it was coined by a BIID activist to create a less medicalized and suffering-focused way of talking about BIID.

(Also, my stance as a mobility user has always been that the only criteria you need to fill to get a mobility aid is thinking it could help you. People already suffer unnecessarily because they are worried they aren't "disabled enough" to deserve an aid. So if someone w BIID feels better when walking with crutches I don't care! Especially if they actively fight against systemic ableism and inaccessibility! I am wayyyyy more concerned with all the buildings in my hometown with no goddamn elevator + crosswalks with no button or speaker than I am with someone using a wheelchair because it helps their dysphoria.)

[loganhowlet4t]

-Pinned-

You can call me sir, mister, or even dad if you want. Really anything, as long as it's not a submissive term.

18 yr old Appalachian (KY) transsexual male, on testosterone, pre op. 5'8, 193lb, most of my weight is muscle but I do have a little bit of a belly.

I'm a canine therian, primarily a WolfSheppard, spiritually and physically. Also a not-deer click here if you don't know what that is

Mostly an NSFW account, and I'm a freak, so be warned for content such as cnc, blood/g0re, weapons (gunplay especially), fauxcest, branding, scent kink, dumbification/himbofication, stalking, fighting, military/training, necr0, and just general darkship/deaddove.

I have npd and aspd, but I still try to be nice to others🫶🏼

I don't have a dni, anyone can follow me, idc EDIT: i forgot terfs exist and they are currently interacting with me, that's my only dni, yall have very sad lives and I don't want to be reminded you exist

Asks open

[littlesapphicraccoonguy]

A lot of my mutuals have an introduction post pinned so here’s mine!

You can call me Goose(it’s a nickname I have) or Duck(because I like ducks) but i prefer to be called Goose :3

I also have 2 alt accounts, which are:

@linsangdetector (a gimmick account im hardly active on)

@littleasexualraccoonguy (my reblog account)

Do NOT interact if you are:

An Israel supporter, a supporter of Russian invasion, antisemitic, racist, homophobic, transphobic/a TERF, sexist, fat phobic, ableist, a bigot in general, anti-furry, a zoophile, a MAP, or a scam account

This account is a safe space for: queer people(duh), trans people(including those who use neopronouns :3), furries, therians, neurodivergent people, and people of any religion(as long as you aren’t a dickhead ofc)

(More info below)⬇️

Now for my interests: BoJack Horseman(my favorite character is Todd), Octonauts, Tails Noir, Breaking bad, Scott Pilgrim(manga, show, etc.) dinosaurs, silly critters especially raccoons, art(duh), history, Fight Club, The Boys, Taxi Driver, The Mule(2014), Cooties(2014) and the SAW franchise!

But the things I mostly post about are Saw, The Mule(2014), Cooties(2014), Dying Breed, and just Leigh Whannell in general because I love him

My favorite musicians+bands are: Nine Inch Nails, She Wants Revenge, Deftones, Korn, Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, Green Day, Black Flag, System Of A Down, Alice In Chains, Nirvana, Blink 182, Radiohead, Bloodhound Gang, Weezer, Alex G, Beabadoobee, Glass Animals, Ayesha Erotica, Sublime, Arctic Monkeys, Beastie Boys, and Arctic Monkeys! :3

Also one more thing, incase anyone wants to repost my art(which i doubt) im okay with it for the most part but PLEASE give me credit!!!

These are my userboxes so far⬇️ feel free to save and use any of them for yourself, i only made 4 of them anyways

[saypleasetickleme]

Please read before interacting:

Hi, my name’s Alejandra, or Alex for short, but honestly I'll answer to most things as long as they're respectful. As I mentioned in my bio this will be a predominately (90%) tickle blog, but I do have broader kinks under the BDSM umbrella so, yeah, there might be the occasional smattering of things in that wheelhouse too.

Obviously with that being said this will be a NSFW blog. MINORS PLEASE DNI, it's for your own safety. If you do you'll be blocked immediately. Anyone that omits their age on their blog will also be treated the same. SFW blogs of age that interact will be treated in a sfw manner, but understand that my blog will likely never be entirely sfw.

My orientation is Lesbian, but imo tickles are for everyone so as long as men/masculine identifying individuals are happy with sfw tickles and don't get weird with it then this blog is definitely for you too <3

When it comes to my blog, and especially my own posts, everything is with the assumption that safewords are applicable and have been discussed -- If cnc is your thing that's fine, no judgment here, but please don't come into my asks or comment on my own posts trying to enact said scenarios. It's happened a few times now and you will just be ignored/blocked.

My favourite spots to tickle are wherever you're most ticklish. It's cliche, I know, but for me it's all about 'lee's reactions...

My own ticklishness however is pretty non-existent. It's maybe a 2-3 on a good day unless we're talking two specific spots, and even then it's like a 5/6 max. It definitely works in my favour though, I'm always the least ticklish person in the tickle fight which means I always win 😏 

I first got into tickling at 18 irl and haven't really looked back since, but this will be my first experience with the online community.

Mainly a Ler, maybe 3% Lee under very specific circumstances... Very much enjoy the juxtaposition of playful verbal teases while completely wrecking someone.

My IMs will mainly be used for getting to know the community, please don't use them for request/scenarios ect they will be ignored unless we know each other well. My asks on the other hand are always open, though I will respond to them at my own discretion. If you prefer to interact anonymously then feel free to sign off with an emoji/name if you want me to know I’m talking with the same person each time, I’ll keep a list somewhere. Hate/harassment/homophobes/transphobes/TERFs/misogynists/bigots ect on and off anon will indisputably just be ignored/blocked. I don't intend to waste my time or energy on you.  

And last but certainly not least -- if you can't say my url out loud then you should probably get tickles as forfeit. Sorry, I don't make the rules 🤷‍♀️

[your-chewtoy]

intro post

here to feed my heat & hopefully yours too.

hiii i'm moth!

18+ NO MINORS 🔞

i follow + like from main (@beast******e)

DNI zionists, terfs/transmeds, racists, queerphobes, anyone "apolotical", ableist, pro-ana/ed, cishets, feeder/feedee blogs

(everything here is fantasy unless explicitly specified otherwise! do not practice any of these hard kinks without proper research, safety, and trust between partners!)

🦷💕🐾

27, they/it (he/she too, but only if ur trans)

genderfluid, bisexual/queer

non-monog & partnered x1 (down 4 friends, flirting, sexting, romance, etc.)

disabled (chronic pain, mdd, anxiety, also very likely audhd but no formal diagnosis)

3 years post top surgery & was on t 2019-2022

feral bratty succubus & depraved puppy thing.

my name is moth, but mutuals can call me doll/dolly, puppy, mutt, wolfie, pig, bug, good pet, good toy, good ANYTHING, little one, little sis/bro/sib, princess/prince, prey, meat/dogmeat, bait, girlthing/boything if you want to >////<

please no fem terms (like girl, lady, woman, etc.) besides the ones i listed above! i'm okay with my body parts being called anything (except "breasts" for my chest)

feel free to dm me your fantasies/nudes or ask me anything you want to know :>

my pics are tagged #chewtoy pics

kinks + limits below

hypersexual & hopelessly submissive. sometimes switchy. bratty sadistic top with the right people.

kinks

(not an exhaustive list, but includes my extreme kinks so you can block the tags if needed)

pain of any kind (but especially being slapped, bitten, punched, spanked)

^ fight club fantasies - beat me up pls?

pet play (mostly puppy/wolf stuff, but also piggy, fawn, lamb, bunny, a few others)

breeding

free use / used by strangers

exhibitionism/public sex

bathroom control

dumbification

brainwashing & hypnosis

cnc (blackmailing, coercion, corruption kink, somno, intox)

bloodplay

anal (stretching, rimming, anal breeding)

squirting

forcefem + forcemasc

burns, branding, forced tattoos

monsters & deities (vampires, succubi, werewolves, cryptids, gods, etc.)

religious kink & sacrilege

furry stuff

knife/gunplay

devotional & ritualistic cannibalism

predator/prey, primal dynamics

fauxcest/incest kink

soft limits (ask first/in specific situations)

ageplay

piss drinking

snuff/extreme gore

hard limits

scat

vomit

raceplay

misogyny related degradation

detrans fetish / misgendering

calling anyone but my current partner "daddy" (non-negotiable, don't ask)

anything involving pulling/breaking teeth

[pillarsalt]

How do you cope with loneliness? My friends are so important to me but sometimes I feel like I can't fully relate to them anymore, and I just think about how they would hate me if they knew I was GC. I have TIF and even a few TIM friends that I love and cherish very dearly because I can see that they've just fallen victim to a toxic ideology feeding their body dysmorphia and self-esteem issues. But I can't tell them how genuinely worried I am about their mental health or send them detrans testimonies that I think they would relate to because they'd think I was some hateful violent monster that I'm not. Even the content creators that bring me joy and comfort are all so fiercely anti-TERF and it just makes me sad. I don't want to hurt anyone. I even distanced from the radfem community a bit because I felt like I was becoming too hateful towards men and TIMs when I truly believe many of the ones in my life are just trying their best and fell victim to a manipulative ideology that myself and other women also fell for. It's not that I wish I was still a TRA, because I feel much more at peace internally with my identity and my belief system, but I don't know if I can say peaking has made me happier overall. I feel like I don't fit in anywhere now. Making radfem friends helped a little bit but it's not the same as being around people I've known for years and gotten close to for reasons other than this one shared belief. I don't just want to abandon them all. And it's FRUSTRATING to see people spew misinformed fearmongered nonsense and not be able to actually help them dissect those beliefs. Feeling like the only one who sees things for how they really are, but forced to play along regardless, is just so restrictive and isolating.

To be completely honest with you, I don't have a great answer. I've been lucky to have one or two close friends at a time to whom I can tell everything, including my uncensored feminism-related beliefs. I've also been (and currently am) in friend groups with multiple people who identify as trans or are dating someone who identifies as trans, and have had to keep my thoughts and opinions to myself to keep the peace. I agree it's incredibly difficult sometimes, and I know a fair few of them would instantly drop me if they knew I was a "terf". It's kind of funny because I know some of them have an inkling of what I think about the issue, but say nothing so they don't have to fight with me. If anyone asked my opinion directly, I wouldn't lie, but I admit that I lie by omission.

It is hard to watch the ones who take the medicalization route hurt themselves. My ex girlfriend and I still talk, she's a they/them nonbinary now and despite always and still being very feminine and never expressing discomfort with her body before (including posting thirst traps often,) she wants to get a mastectomy soon. It sucks because of course after having looked into this phenomenon for so long, I'm well aware of the complications and side effects that can result from a major procedure like this: phantom pain/itching, extensive and restrictive scarring, the risks of infection and necrosis, and of course the risk of regretting having an entire organ unnecessarily removed from your body later on when it's no longer fashionable to do so. It sucks that voicing even the mere suggestion that it might be a bad idea is enough to have you shunned as an apostate. I genuinely care about her and I would feel similarly if she was having any other radical cosmetic surgery like breast implants or a BBL. At the end of the day, our friends will make their own choices regardless of how we feel about it, and the only thing we can really do is be there for them in the end.

I feel similarly to you in that I don't want to hurt anyone, only to protect people and especially women from the harms that are intrinsic to trans ideology. Unfortunately, you can't help anyone who doesn't want to be helped. Sometimes though, you can play dumb and ask questions that might get them to think a little bit more about the rhetoric they're repeating. For example, I often go out for drinks with coworkers, one of whom is a she/they nonbinary woman. One time she said something about how she couldn't be a full they/them because she's still 'girly' sometimes. I said something like "doesn't it seem kind of regressive to associate how feminine you are with how much of a woman you are? what about butch lesbians?" She didn't have an answer and brushed it off, but I could see the cogs turning a bit. Playing the uninformed normie pointing out the obvious sometimes gets them to realize how twisted the logic in trans echo chambers can be. And I think sometimes expressing your disagreement with the dogma can show your friends, who know you well and know you're a good person, that, contrary to what they've been told, not everyone who disagrees with gender ideology is an evil nazi out to slaughter transwomen in the streets.

But yes, in general, it is very very isolating to hold radical feminist beliefs. I'm sorry you're going through it. One thing to remember is, there are tons of women even in your general vicinity, who like you, don't buy into gender rhetoric but aren't saying anything in order to preserve their safety and social lives. I do believe that as the world seems to be becoming more aware of the reality of the situation, more and more people will feel able to be open about their dissent, and it will become less of a fringe opinion as the flaws in the ideology are exposed. Here's hoping I guess. Keep your chin up anon.

[qqueenofhades]

I came across a post about some show called The Other Two and it was making fun of Angels in America and I just...I didn't know how to react to it beyond rage. Like do young LGBT+ people understand how important that play is? How much it meant to our community and still means? Why are we all so irony poisoned that we put down the things that gave us comfort in a time where all of us are faced with the very real possibility of being erased from existence and murdered by the right wing nut jobs passing horrible legislation calling us child groomers. I'm so fucking sad and angry.

I'm in two minds about young LGBTQ people these days. On the one hand -- it's great that they get to grow up in an environment where they can (more or less) be themselves, have institutional supports like marriage and Pride Month and LGBTQ characters in media and plenty of visible discussion. It really, really is. All of that progress was hard won and we shouldn't WANT them to have gone through the exact same struggles as their elders. That's always the thing -- fight so your kids can have a better life, and we shouldn't want that to be any other way.

On the other hand, because this is the case, a lot of younger LGBTQ people don't respect the community's struggles, believe that they're real, learn its history, or understand the magnitude of the threat it is once again facing now. Instead they end up doing things like embracing TERF logic and arguing on social media about who has the right to use the most hyper-specific microlabel, pushing us all into smaller and smaller separate boxes because "queer is a slur!!!" and relentlessly gatekeeping and moralizing at other vulnerable people, both inside the community and outside it. And man, that just does not sit right with me. Of course, not all of them are like this, but a not-insubstantial number are, and it troubles me.

As for Angels in America: I saw Part 1 live in 2010, after reading both parts beforehand. It knocked the fucking SHIT out of me, and this is even before I had consciously realized that I myself was queer (though I was already reading a ton of queer lit/history like This Just Seems Neat, because I was clueless). So I don't know why the irony-poisoned postmodern masses feel the need to get their jollies out of taking shots at it, especially since, once again, times have changed and LGBTQ art and experience is represented in a whole lot of other ways than just "AIDS tragedy." Which is as it should be! But if anyone thinks that it's okay to then mock, minimize, ignore, or otherwise discount everything that led us to the point of them smugly having the ability to do that, then yeah. Fuck off. Jfc.

[velvetvexations]

I also should have looked up the statistics to double check before sending my original ask, but I was referring to a specific news story I followed about a black men attempting to gain custody of his child, only for the mother to get it despite her history not severe neglect, and the child ended up dying in her care. I didn't want to spell that all out bcs it's an incredibly painful thing to think about, but I should have specified what I was referring to. That is also def not just a result of misogyny, but of racism, since black men are often seen to be absent or even dangerous parents. I am sure there are cases where men have an easier time getting custody, especially rich white men, but as will all situations the story is more complicated when you bring in intersectionality and especially race. I just think it's important to remember that a black man wasn't just being denied his child because he was black, the specific way society views black *men* was part of the problem.

As for the working in more dangerous jobs point, I brought that up because yes, men do tend to work those jobs more than women do, but where MRAs get it twisted is that that's only true *because* of misogyny. Women WANT to be firefighters and loggers and soilders and do hard labor, it's just that the fields are male dominated and riddled with misogyny so women often can't get an in or leave after being treated like shit. Additionally, it is also an issue with workplace regulation and capitalism devaluing ALL life in favor of profits. MRAs are right that more men work these jobs and thus die more and I can see how they would feel that their lives are devalued, the issue is that they blame that on women when the real culprit is misogyny and capitalist deregulation of workplace safety. They also bring up the draft, which again I can get how some men feel that their lives are only of value if they are willing to die, but that isn't bcs women are valued above them, it's because the draft is inhumane and NO ONE should be forced to go to war at all, and certainly not against their will. Like genuinely the fact that men have to sign up for the draft just to vote is insane to me and I can't blame any man for being upset about that, it's just a lot of them have a deep seated hatred of women and thus blame them for it rather than seeing that the real issue is forcing *anyone* to go to war.

(I also recall them using the Titanic disaster to show that society doesn't value men's lives but uh...yeah no the Titanic is one of the only instances where women and children were prioritized. Historically in shipwrecks women and children were left to die while the men escaped, but I can kinda get the irritation a little given Titanic was such a big deal it's overshadowed the true history of protocall in maritime disasters.)

I also meant to add in that in the RBG case the man wasn't being denied the tax credit just for being a man, it was because he was unwed and that tax credit was intended for families where the wife was absent, dead, or for whatever reason was incapable of providing care for an ill family member. I suppose you could even argue that it was less a case of him being punished for being a man and more him being punished for being unwed, thus a manifestation of amatanormativity and heteronormativity, but it is true from what I read they fought the ruling on the grounds that he was facing sex based discrimination, and the case went on to provide legal president to fight types of sex based discrimination that primarily harmed women.

I just also think it's important to fully understand what hate movements believe and how they can make their ideas seem rational and appealing, because it's the only way to counter them effectively. Hell the modern queer movement deciding that TERFs *only* hate trans women and have no other targets is why radical feminism is so prevalent in queer spaces. They can't recognize TERFs if they aren't screaming about trans women, and the TERFs know that. If you don't understand what your enemy believes and who they are against and how they doctor their arguments for recruitment you stand no chance of eradicating them. MRAs did successfully recruit women, very feminist women in fact, with some of these very talking points, because they held off on the blatant misogyny until they knew they had you on their side, just like TERFs will pretend to not hate trans people until they've already got you. It's important imo to not boil their entire belief system down to "incels who want sex" even if that is a major part of it because then we can't teach people to watch out for the less obvious dogwhistles and understand what the actual issue behind these points are and thus how to fight them and not get drawn in with seemingly reasonable arguments AND how to recognize the difference between someone drawing attention to real issues men face and someone who just wants to spew hatred.

I honestly kinda wonder if the current pushback against transandrophobia is born of the backlash to the MRA movement, but from people who didn't pay attention and learn the rhetoric and how to counter it and now think anyone who talks about any men suffering for being men in any context is a closet MRA who must be shown the door immediately, but idk that's just speculation on my part.

But anyway, I should have been more clear and checked my sources better, but tbh I just felt like the ask was getting too long and it was late and I had a headache so I just ranted about what I remembered of the movement. I'll be sure to be more clear next time I send something in, I don't want to spread misinformation or get any ire drawn your way.

However I do want to say comparing trans men and trans masculine people in general to MRAs is ridiculous because even when you break down the few few slightly valid points MRAs bring up before laying on the Horrifically Agrressive Misogyny that's clearly NOT what trans men and mascs are taking about, the two movements imo have so little in common it's legit ridiculous to compare them, and it's also ridiculous to act like some jackasses using the concept of misandry as a way to shut down women means the entire concept of the patriarchy harming men at all is so throughly tainted we can't even let trans men talk about it or coin language to describe anti-masc bias especially in queer spaces. Imo anyone comparing discussions of transandrophobia with MRAs is missing the point and has no idea what they're talking about re: trans mascs *and* MRAs.

Thank you for the clarification anon, though I'm still not totally sure about the custody thing because I've heard different things since your first ask. It's good to have a dialogue.

[genderqueerdykes]

I was wondering if you know how to deal with the hate, especially in queer spaces. It's supposed to be, preached as, safe there, but most of the time it isn't.

I don't feel safe the community. I know that's bad and I should but I don't know how to get past it all. Honestly I barely even say I'm trans or queer at this point, hey a lot don't want me there maybe completely removing myself would be best? There was the whole "trans men shouldnt be apart of trans/queer comunities because they dont experience hate" a while back. I know it's not every space and I have just been unlucky in finding places but it feels like more and more places are agreeing with terfs now and I don't know how to handle that. I'm so scared.

Sorry if this is rambly, I've never felt okay to tell this to anyone.

you know it's a good question, considering how fractured up the online communities really are right now. the issue is that enough people have taken the rad feminist bait and begun arguing with their neighboring queers they don't understand. it's a really tough time. i actually also feel alienated from most of the community, believe it or not. i sort of stick to myself and interact with my own fan base because i'm unsure as to whether or not people think i'm whatever -phobic they're the most riled up about because of how "Extreme" my beliefs are or whatever.

it's crazy but it seems like people are literally becoming proud conservatives right now. it seems like people are super proud that they hate gender non conformity right now, and lesbians who are men, bisexual gays and lesbians, female gays, trans women, trans men... people are proud to hate queers online right now. they completely fell for the conservative rad feminist bait and they don't see it. they're doing exactly what they want. the more they fight with each other they less we can have productive conversation

i say start out small. work with a small group of people you feel comfortable with, and slowly branch out and add people as you go. it's best to not overwhelm yourself with a community that's too large. i joined a community recently that didn't let me join because i listed 2 of my identities as fag and dyke. it was an 18+ community. it was really wild to watch. people are literally regressing and becoming conservatives. but there's also open minded queers literally ever

we need to bond together more than ever now, stick together in whatever ways we can. reach out to those mutuals you like who really agree with you and vibe with your beliefs and want to make sure you're doing okay. stick with people who have similar identities and find others and the communities they frequent. if the surface level of tumblr isn't for you, which i agree can be scary, you can also try communities on reddit like r/FTM, r/MTF, etc., you can try instagram, or whatever other social networks youre on.

you can also always try to find something IRL. IRL meetups are almost guaranteed to be less hostile. i recommend looking for "pride group in my area" "gay/straight alliance in my area" "lgbt group in my area" "queer pride in my area" etc. to see if there's anything at all in your local community. colleges often have them open to the public. good luck, you're not alone in feeling exhausted and alienated. it's rough right now, but sticking together with other queers is the key. stay safe for now.

[citadelofmythoughts]

It’s both very sad and ironic that cis women specifically who deny or get angry at trans women on the grounds of “they didn’t or don’t suffer the way REAL women do” is proving that they do in fact suffer in similar ways. A woman online who isn’t hurting anyone is being sent hatred either directly or indirectly bc her body does not match What. A Real Woman Looks Like. Which is sownthing cis women struggle with and they’re not only fighting male views on their bodies but other women as well.

Assuming a trans women will hurt you because “she was socialized male and born with a penis which will be used to hurt me” is the same bullshit as “I a white woman feel afraid because this black woman spoke to me in a tone I’m labeling as aggressive and now I will cower an blink tears from my eyes and hope someone stronger will protect me from her”

I’ve been thinking about this at woke actually. I’m afab and was raised by strong black women but I identify very strongly as queer with no big label fitting me but knowing Woman does not fit. Girl used to fit as a child but as an adult Woman does not. And a lot of me wonders if cis women’s fear and hatred of trans women does not stem from They Are Men, at least not all of them, but as a sort of jealousy.

Trans women delight in the way their bodies change. They are so so happy to see developments and document them and tell others they feel safe with. They go shopping for the first time and try out the girly things they didn’t get to experience growing up. The struggles and threats of violence against them are very real but they do not outweigh the euphoria of finally being who they want to be. Who they hoped and feared they could be. Who they love to be.

Cis women and TERFs especially only see the double edged sword. Young girls and their bodies are sexualize. Growing wider hips and breaths is an experience that belongs more to others than the individual depending on if they live in an area that demonizes female bodies. Or if not they get that shit from television. Their bodies are used as weapons and it takes a long time to unlearn that and to live for themselves in a way that’s not tinged with shame.

Trans women if they start hormones are outwardly joyful. That’s not saying being out as trans is only fun and that young boys are sexualized or aren’t given under expectations. But cis women don’t think about that. They only see the current adulthood joy and not the adolescence awkwardness or pain or suffering. Feeling like your body was wrong. Having people close to you and loving them and them loving you back but not all of you. Not being allowed to do certain things bc of The Gender. And there is no time boy equivalent for boys.

Cis women see trans women joy and gender euphoria and instead of going “how do I find that for myself. Am I in an environment that is still holding an axe over my head? That little girl who was scolded for having a body that changed against her will. How do I heal her” they blame trans women and paint them as aggressors or predators in hiding so they don’t have to confront the fact that despite the societal challenges being a women is so so wonderful. They deny themselves the joy of womanhood for the sake of gatekeeping it via suffering or arbitrary biology.

Not every cis women has suffered the same. Some cis women tear down others the same way men do. There is no monolith of how women move through life. But to acknowledge and internalize that? To let go of the idea that YES society does not treat women fairly but you as an individual have the power to change that on a social level by sticking up for others until the respectful outweigh the disrespectful? Letting go of that means realizing that there is more to being a women than Being Born With a Specific Body. That it’s not something you have to earn by being hurt the right ways. And they cannot comprehend that

Damn anon, this was just incredible. If there was a way to do it, I'd hug you.

You're completely correct about my experiences as a trans woman. It's been said that when you start transitioning it's a second puberty and that's not just physical, I've been living the years I never got to have when I was a teen and with that comes awkwardness but also so much joy.

I wish more people would realize that hating others and making them feel awful about who they are isn't going to fix their own pain.

[redheadbigshoes]

Hi! Gay Man anon here!

I just wanted to thank you for taking the time to write your latest post! And I also wanted say that it’s SO TRUE. A few days ago, I was literally complaining to a friend about the way people love to invalidate homosexuality with their “sexuality is fluid” or “everyone is a little bi” discourse and how this was actually harming Lesbians and Gay Men (but especially Lesbians because there’s the extra-layer of misogyny added to it).

He kept reiterating that “It’s just online discourse, nobody is interested in hearing stuff like this in real life and Lesbians and Gays are happy as they are.” And I was just there like… No?? This type of stuff has a LOT of impact on reality, it’s not hazardous that conversion-therapy-obsessed people renamed it « sexual fluidity exploration through therapy ». It’s not hazardous that people react disproportionately and call you a bigot or a « lesbophobe » when you say that Lesbians don’t date or have sex with men. But he kept insisting that we should just ignore them. It upsets me so much. Every time we meet someone who holds this type of beliefs (mostly online, since we tend to be in the same spaces), I get angry and leave. And when I complain about this to him and explains to him that I cannot fricking stand homophobes and I don’t understand why this doesn’t upset him more (he’s Gay too), he just says “It’s okay to keep interacting with them even though they’re wrong” or “It’s fine as long as they’re not actively trying to harm anyone”. I mean, you do you, but I hate how homophobia is so normalized amongst « Queer » people online and in real life.

I fricking hate it. I cannot stand homophobes, no matter how “nice” they are or how “progressive” they seem. I wouldn’t want to interact or be friends with TERFS or transphobes in general, even if they’re like « trans women are men but I still respect them », so why should it be different when it comes to homophobes just because they use seemingly “woke” speech????? I thought maybe I was reaching too far and maybe I was overreacting to a problem that wasn’t that big, but I’m glad to see I wasn’t wrong. I’m really tired of people undermining this.

Hey!

You’re welcome! It’s so important to bring up this stuff.

Your friend either doesn’t have ANY lesbian friends in real life or he doesn’t care at all about lesbophobia and homophobia. How dare he says this stuff only happens online when conversion therapy existed? And it’s STILL a thing in some places.

You don’t even need to ask lesbians about their own experiences to know how people disrespect lesbians irl. A lot of non-lesbian women use the excuse they’re lesbian to try to reject men, and so many times they don’t take this as a rejection.

The funny thing is when you try calling someone like him a lesbophobe they get super offended as if they literally aren’t lesbophobic lol Ofc there’s a difference between being lesbophobic and doing lesbophobic things, the second one it’s not something conscious, but if you’re called out for your bigotry and you decide ignoring it, that’s when you show you truly are lesbophobic.

Supporting someone who’s prejudiced while you KNOW they’re prejudiced means you’re deep down prejudiced too.

So ironic how these homophobes love calling out terfs (and let’s be honest: a lot of the time they’re using this card only to silence another minority) and pretend they care about LGBTQ+ people when they don’t give a shit. They only pretend.

Unfortunately some people only about about fighting homophobia, transphobia (or any other prejudice) when THEY are directly affected by it. If they’re not, they pretend it’s not a big deal, they try to convince themselves that’s not a real problem.