#i do not want to do a masters third year broke me

[bloodcunt]

life after uni sucks so bad trying to apply for jobs is literally the most miserable thing ever

[marcsburnerphone]

And they were roommates

(Captain John price x F!reader)

Summary: that captain wants somewhere more homely to settle down and when an offer like yours comes alight on Zillow he must take up on it.

Warnings: none yet

Part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4

———————

“John Price, military captain, heavily decorated, and unmarried.” you read off of a printed sheet of paper. He’s the third person you’ve seen today that wants to rent the room available. You were praying this one would be a success. You weren’t looking to house the married couples or the rowdy in love teenagers you’d seen earlier on today.

“Yes ma’am that is me.” He says looking down at you, not metaphorically but physically he’s inches above you. You’re far younger than he imagined, beautiful and so awfully well spoken that he’d assumed you’d be either his age or older.

“If this is your job and you’re not married and don't have kids I’m sure you get paid well. Why do you need a roommate?” You say hoping you don’t sound rude but with a job like that this man could afford much better.

“I’m not home much and basically live on base but for the times I do briefly return home id like it to be in a place like your home, beautiful, deserted, quiet.” The last few places he stayed in were apartments and he wanted to settle into something he actually cared to return to, not just someplace that could hold some belongings.

“Well then Mr.Price let me show you the rooms and house, follow me.” You lead him into your home through the halls and the living room simply showing him around making small talk about your job and hobbies.

“If you don’t mind me asking why is it you need a roommate?” He later returns the question, you halt in your tracks and stand still for a second making John hope he hadn’t overstepped.

“I was in a long term relationship that ended two years ago and when we broke up he left me the house or I technically demanded I keep it and um bills have been hard to keep up with.” You Look him in the eyes and smile softly, relieving him of the anxious feeling he’s holding.

“Sorry for asking.” He sincerely apologizes.

“Don’t worry about it, I think it's better you did because this will lead us to the next thing.” You reassure him and continue walking through a pair of French doors.

“This will be your office, I’m sorry about the boxes, they're a little too heavy for me to carry through this house and throw away.” You point to a fair amount of them pushed into a corner.

“No, don't worry about it, I'll get them out.” He replies kindly.

“And then right through here would be your bedroom.” It's exactly to the right of his office, a huge room which must be the master. He wonders if this had been the room you shared with your ex and by the look that covers your gorgeous features, he’s right.

“It has its own bathroom and a walk-in closet. If you want to live here, I’d like the home to be treated as if we both own it, not like you just rent a room, especially for the price.” You explain and truly that is your hope. He’s the perfect tenant and on his submission form he’s looking for a long term place which would mean less worry about the future bills on your behalf.

“When can I start moving in?” He turns to look in your hopeful eyes.

“Immediately if you want it of course.” You say with excitement. The mortgage payments have been a burden and this was a huge relief.

“Is it okay if I have some of my mates help me take these boxes out?” You nod enthusiastically with a quiet

‘of course’.

“I'll be back here early in the morning, Thankyou for inviting me into your home.” He says turning to make way back down the path you took to the room.

“Thankyou Mr.Price.” You offer your hand as a settlement.

“Call me John please.” He shakes it politely.

“I'll see you tomorrow john.” You say walking him to the door and bidding him a goodbye.

—————-

“Be honest captain, is she cute?” John had the unfortunate situation of having to haul soap with him in his car while the two other men drove the moving truck that he only rented to get rid of the boxes you had.

“She’s nearly a decade younger than me.” He answers hoping that’ll lay it to rest.

‘That doesn’t answer my question.” Soap never chooses peace.

“Yeah she’s stunning.” And really you were.

—————————-

“Hi good morning, come in.” You say opening the door letting the cold air sweep into your warm home. Eyeing the huge men that stood in the doorway.

“Good morning this is soap, gaz, and that's ghost if you couldn’t tell. This is my task force and certainly my best mates.” John replies quickly giving them an introduction.

“Nice to meet you all.” You say trying your hardest to not sound intimidated.

“And you as well, gorgeous.” Soap says gripping your small hand in his own.

“He’s a flirt, don't worry about him.” Gaz says, shaking your hand next.

“Nice to meet you.” Ghost offers you his gloved hand giving you the softest handshake he thinks he’s ever given in his life.

“Well you boys can get too it there is pastries on the counter and drinks in the fridge if you need anything i'll be in my room that’s down this hall.” You say smiling at all of them then reaching into the pocket on your paint stained overalls fishing out a pair of keys.

“Oh and before I can forget John these are yours, this one is too your office and bedroom door and this one is too the house door.” You say handing them over on the pink keychain you’ve kept them on all this time.

“Thank you.” He says before you walk away.

————————

“That little lady does not know how to pack these. They are insanely heavy, how'd she ever expect to get them out.” Soap says picking up a box from the office room that’s filled with papers.

“I don’t think that was her main concern.” John says as he also picks one up walking them outside and into the U-Haul he rented.

“She’s a true stunner though, how will John Price be able to resist?” He teases his captain.

“I’m with soap on that one.” Ghost surprisingly grumbles throwing a box down on the gravel.

“Should��ve seen the way she was looking at you captain.” Gaz enters this pointless conversation out of breath gently setting down more boxes.

“I actually think you're the only one here whose age is appropriate for her gaz.” Gaz makes a sound of disagreement.

“Captain 8 years isn’t what you’re making it seem, don't you remember when soap had a girlfriend like 13 years older than him.” The memory flashes through all their minds and ghost has to keep himself from giggling.

“And don’t you remember how it ended.” It was ugly, soap found that when time passes people get older and being 37 with a 50 year old wasn’t what he thought it’d be.

“All I’m saying is I think some romance with a pretty lady like that could do you some good. I mean your living in a home together tension will get to you at some point.” John rolls his shoulders back and sighs.

“Shut up and get back to work, all of you.” The captain says demanding as they all hurry back inside.

But what if?

——————-

“Wow, I don't know when’s the last time I've seen these rooms empty.” You say walking into the office.

“Was it all his?” John says giving you a one up at the change in clothes. You're wearing your pajamas which consist of shorts and a big shirt.

“Yeah it was, when will you be bringing in your own stuff?” You reply quickly changing the topic.

“I actually have all my stuff in my truck, only three boxes, I’m not a man of many possessions.” He laughs Gruffly swiping a hand over his mouth.

“I have clean sheets in my closet if you’ll be needing some.” You offer politely.

“Please.” He says and you nod, turning to go get them.

“I’ll just be bringing in the rest of my belongings.” He says walking down the opposite end of the hallway.

He brings the boxes in one by one, setting them in the office not paying mind to where you could have gone till he brings the last one in and hears you humming in the bedroom putting what were to be his pillows inside pillow cases.

“Oh love you didn’t have too. I've been making my own bed on base for longer than my memory goes back.” His deep voice slightly startles you.

“Sorry, it's just a habit.” You apologize softly and he wonders if it came off the wrong way.

“No, Thankyou is what I really mean.” He says slightly smiling at the floral print sheets that now adorn his bed.

“Sorry these are actually the least feminine looking ones I have.” You smile realizing how silly it looks for a man as manly as the one who stands before you to have blue and pink flower sheets.

“No worries love.” He nods to you.

“Well I'll see you in the morning, goodnight.” You say giving him a small pat on the shoulder and leaving to what he could only assume to be your bedroom.

He got changed for the night, ready to settle into bed. As soon as his head hit the pillows the scent of lavender and a perfume that had to solely be you was invading his senses. Something so feminine and warm and good, god was it good. He turned his head slightly more into the pillow taking a deep breath in and out enjoying it. The more he focused on it the easier the sleep had come and before he knew it he was sleeping like a bear in hibernation.

—————————————-

I’m ready for a new story.

Comments and reposts and greatly appreciated<3

If anyone has thoughts or ideas on how this should go please send them in.

[harunayuuka2060]

Vil: What is Professor Vargas thinking by partnering those two?

Azul: Yuurin is one of the top performing first-year students while Malleus is the top performing student among third-years.

Vil: And?

Azul: ...

Azul: I don't know.

Vil: ...

Ace: Will Yuurin be alright?

Deuce: They'll just be doing the exercise together. I think there's nothing to be worried about haha...

Jack: You don't sound reassuring at all, Deuce.

Deuce: Well...

Deuce: We're talking about Draconia-senpai here.

Ace: Right...

Malleus: How are you, Yuurin?

Yuurin: I'm fine. How about you, Malleus-senpai?

Malleus: *chuckles* I'm doing great. What will we be doing today?

Yuurin: Catch and throw.

Malleus: I see.

Malleus: I'll try to be considerate with you.

Yuurin: Thank you, Malleus-senpai.

The students: ...

Professor Vargas: ...

Professor Vargas: I don't know what's going on but I'm liking it!

Malleus and Yuurin: *throwing and catching the ball at each other at the speed of light*

Malleus: *laughs* I never imagined that a simple game of catch and throw could be this enjoyable!

Yuurin: ...

Yuurin: Malleus-senpai, it seems the PE class is almost over.

Malleus: Is it? We should wrap this up then.

Yuurin: *nods* *catches the ball and doesn't throw it again*

Malleus: *smiles* How's your hand, Yuurin?

Yuurin: ...

Yuurin: *there are cuts in her hand*

Yuurin: I may have injured myself a bit.

Malleus: Hm. Come here, dear. I'll treat it for you.

Jack: ...

Ace: What did he just call him?

Deuce: ...

Deuce: "Dear".

Yuurin: ...

Yuurin: Leona-senpai?

Leona: Don't mind me. *applying a whole bottle of disinfectant to her hands*

Yuurin: ...

Jack: ...

Ruggie: *wheezing*

Leona: By the way, Aki is going to visit here next week.

Yuurin: Huh?

Leona: He told you before, didn't he?

Yuurin: ...Yes.

Leona: ...

Leona: He'll be visiting together with his husband.

Yuurin: ...

Ruggie: I— Leona? I thought Aki would tell her that himself?

Jack: ...

Leona: My tongue slipped.

Yuurin: ...

Jack: So Yuurin is a protective sister...

Leal: *shivers*

Leal's sister: What's wrong?

Leal: ...

Leal: I-I don't know. But it's scary...

Leal's sister: Huh?

Akihiko: ...

Akihiko: Leona must've told Yuurin already.

Leal: Ah! Master Akihiko?

Akihiko: Hm?

Leal: Are you sure that I should visit Night Raven College with you?

Akihiko: Yes. *smiles* You're my husband. You need to accompany me.

Leal: Right...

Yuurin: Aki.

Akihiko: *soft chuckles* Sorry.

Yuurin: Who is it? *sounds stern*

Akihiko: You'll meet him soon.

Yuurin: Is he a good person?

Akihiko: *chuckles again*

Yuurin: ...

Akihiko: Don't be mad, bluebell. I wanted to tell you, but I'm sure you would go against it.

Yuurin: ...

Yuurin: Couldn't you have waited a little longer?

Akihiko: I'm sorry, bluebell.

Yuurin: ...

Yuurin: *sigh* What can I do? It has been done.

Akihiko: By the way, how are you feeling, bluebell? Are you experiencing any side effects from stopping all your medications?

Yuurin: Hm. No.

Akihiko: ...

Akihiko: How about your voice?

Yuurin: ...

Yuurin: I won't be using my feminine voice to you because you kept something important from me.

Akihiko: Aww... But will I get to hear it in my visit to Night Raven College?

Yuurin: ...

Yuurin: Yes.

Akihiko: *chuckles* I'm excited.

Yuurin: ...

Yuurin: Can't you tell me his name at least?

Akihiko: You can ask for his name when you meet him.

Yuurin: ...

Yuurin: Fine.

Leal: ...

Leal: There's that shiver again.

Leona: I can't tell you who it is.

Leona: But he's not that handsome. Don't worry.

Yuurin: ...

Yuurin: Leona-senpai.

Leona: Nah. I already broke my promise once.

Leona: I won't be doing that twice.

Yuurin: ...

[catherinnn]

Faking It, Feeling It

summary: fake dating with eddie! where jason and chrissy break up and they become a little too obssessed with Eddie and you. so much so that you start acting as if you two are already dating so they'd leave you alone. but you were never very good actors.

warnings: mature content (not actual smut but implies), jealously, swearing, just major fluff really.

6.8k words

The last few weeks at Hawking’s High have been hell, even more than normal.

Star couple, high school sweethearts, prom queen and king of the school: Chrissy and Jason had broken up.

They have been dating since their freshmen year, and now they’re currently in their senior year.

And while it was hell for everyone who thought they were the perfect couple, the ones that claim they no longer believe in love since they broke up; it was even more of a hellhole for you and for Eddie Munson.

A weird combo, I know. Why do you two randoms have anything to do with the break up? You may have had like two conversations with Hellfire’s Dungeon Master in total within all of your high school years.

All you knew of him was what the people here say about him, which you don’t really believe in. You don’t really care, you’ve learned the hard way to not care about the rumors they spread in this town.

But back to the original question, I’ll give you the answer: Eddie and you are involved in this whole situation because after the happy couple decided to break up and accept their new bachelorhood, they wanted to get back out there and be with other people, and guess who their first options were? You for Jason, and Eddie for Chrissy.

Not so random since Eddie and Chrissy have been friends for ages, plus, Chrissy knew he was the perfect guy to get back at Jason. That Eddie has had a little crush on Chrissy for ages was totally a coincidence. A happy one she would say.

And since you’ve been trying to ignore Jason’s longing stares at you while he was actually dating Chrissy, trying to forget about the time he had called ‘dibs’ on you if he was ever single again, so none of his other friends made a move on you— not that they really listened —it was not random either.  

Now the question may be: Why has it been hell for both of you?

The thing is, Jason and Chrissy have been flirting with you and Eddie at every given chance since they broke up.

For obvious reasons you didn’t want to go on a date with Jason. Not even if he was the last man on earth.

Eddie didn’t want to date Chrissy because, even if he has had a crush on her for so long, he realized that she would only use him as a rebound, a toy she plays with for a little while just to make her ex jealous. And even if his hellfire friends told him “fuck it, that’s the only chance you’ll get with a girl like her! Take it anyways” It didn’t feel right for him, so he decided not to do it.

As for right now, you were currently running away from the classroom you just had history at. It was one of the classes you shared with Jason, and even if you did have the luck to not be seated with him, it was in his plans to walk you out of the class to flirt a bit more and maybe you’ll finally agree to go on a date.

“Gorgeous! Wait up for me!” he yelled at you, but you were luckily faster than him and got out of the classroom before he could catch you. You did see him spot you in the hallway though, so you ran without even looking where you were going.

You turned to the left into another hall with a couple of doors. You tried to open the first one but it was locked, you tried the second one but quickly realized it was the boy’s bathroom— because a boy inside fixing his jeans looked at you with a horrifying look on his face and stared to yell at you to get out.

You heard Jason calling out your name, so you quickly entered the third door and closed it behind you.

You heard his footsteps slowing down.

“Hey, princess! Where did you go!” you heard him continue walking further into the hall and away from your hiding place.

You sighed.

“Caaann we help you?” a voice behind you asked.

You turned around and saw a full table of people staring at you weirdly.

“Oh- sorry, I didn’t know you guys were here”

“You didn’t see the sign on the door that said ‘do not enter’?” a younger boy asked you a little annoyed.

“Actually no, I was kind of in a hurry to… hide from somebody” you confessed.

“Who?”

“Jason Carver”

“Wait, I know you” The guy at the end on the table spoke, whom you did know too, Eddie. He said your name to confirm he did actually know who you were.

“The one and only”

“Why would you even run away from Jason Carver? Isn’t he like every girl in here’s dream boy?” The same annoyed boy asked you again, you recognized him as Nancy Wheeler’s brother… Mike was it?

“What, him? Disgusting, he’s been trying to make a move on me even before him and Chrissy broke up, so now he’s even more annoying” you told them.

“Alright, we’re kind of in the middle of something here-“ an older guy started but Eddie cut him off.

“He’s been annoying you too?”

“What? Did he try something on you too?” you joked.

“What- no! I mean that Chrissy has been flirting with me nonstop as well since they broke up, I already told her no, but she keeps trying to convince me”

“You rejected Chrissy Cunningham?”

“I ask myself that same question everyday” another guy commented, a curly-headed one.

“No! I don’t mean it in a mean way, it’s just- I thought every guy wanted to date Chrissy Cunningham”

“She’s only trying to use me to get back at Jason- you know what? Doesn’t matter. Just a funny coincidence that the same couple is annoying both of us” Eddie explained.

“Yeah, how funny” you said in a sarcastic tone. “Look, you can continue with your board game, I just need to hide for a few minutes until Jason finally leaves”

A few guys sigh in annoyance, but Eddie nods and signals a chair near him so you can sit.

“So… wait- you’re both trying to get out of Chrissy and Jason’s flirting with you?” the curly-headed guy speaks again.

Eddie and you nod.

“And you’ve both already rejected them?”

You two nod again.

“But they won’t listen?”

Again.

“Huh”

“What?” you ask.

“Nothing, I just… thought of something funny”

“What?” Eddie asks.

“Well, if this was one of those rom-coms my sister always watches, you could both start acting like you’re dating each other. That way both of them leave you two alone” he comments.

“Act like we’re dating?”

“Yeah, how would that even work?”

“Well, in those movies they usually act like an actual couple, like, maybe you could have lunch together in the cafeteria, or walk each other to your classes, come to school together, things like that” he explains.

“Umm- I don’t really see that working, they would see right through” you say.

“Yeah, how we even start dating in this fantasy? We’ve barely spoken before” Eddie comments.

“Yeah, it doesn’t make any sense”

“Okay, I don’t really care about this so, are we gonna continue the campaign? Because otherwise I could use the free time” Mike interrupts and Eddie is brought back to reality to continue with the game.

A few days after all of that, you were in the cafeteria trying to find your group of friends but you don't seem to find them anywhere in there, maybe they're still grabbing lunch.

"Hey you! I can finally talk to you again, you've been really busy lately, I barely see you anymore!" Jason corners you right when you're about to sit at a free table.

"Hi Jason... yeah, I've been -busy with school, you know?"

"Yeah I understand, you know I've been having a hard time with Spanish this semester, and I know you're very good at it" he starts and you fear where he's going with this.

"Yeah, I wouldn't say very good, you know Rachel Stinson? She's much better than me, the best in our class!"

"Yeah, but I don't really know her. Plus I think you'd be a better teacher than her, and a cuter one as well" he says giving you a smirk, very proud of his response.

"Eddie, look" Gareth tells Eddie and signals to where you stand with Jason, looking very uncomfortable.

"Fuck, yeah. He's definitely asking her out again" he comments.

"You could... help her"

"How? Is this about your little plan?"

"I'm just saying, you would totally save her and you'd like that if that was you and Chrissy instead of her and Jason" he points out. Eddie thinks about it for a few seconds. Gareth is right: he would be grateful if he didn't have to come up with another excuse to Chrissy.

Fuck it, he's already walking up to you two.

"Jason I don't..." you start but someone interrupts.

"Hi pretty girl, I haven't seen you all day"

You turn and see Eddie.

"What?" you ask confused but you see him blink at you and you remember what his friend told you about. "Oh! Hi Eddie, I didn't see you there"

"Have you been avoiding me, princess?" he asks with a smirk while putting his hands on your waist.

"I could never!" you say and put your hands on his shoulders.

"Um... hi?" Jason interrupts you two.

"Hi Jason?" Eddie greets him with a wondering tone, "Oh, we're you talking to him, baby?"

"Oh no, he was just telling me that he's having trouble with Spanish" you explain.

"Oh yeah, she's great at Spanish, good thing I have her as a personal teacher" Eddie comments quickly catching on.

"You're teaching him?" Jason asks you.

"Yeah, for like a month already I think"

"Thanks to this pretty little thing right here, I have a B in Spanish now"

"Wait, I- I'm confused, what are you two?" Jason asks with a frown on his face.

"Well, we haven't really put a title to it... but we've been seeing each other for a few weeks now" you explain.

"Seeing each other? As in... dating?" he asks again.

"Can you believe it? The prettiest girl in Hawkins gave me a chance" Eddie says and gives you a kiss on the cheek.

"I can't believe it" Jason murmurs.

You hear your name being called from behind you, you turn and finally see your friends with surprised and confused faces looking at this scene.

"Hey girls, finally," you greet them, "Eddie, I'll see you later, yeah?" you say to him getting a little too close to his face to emphasize the flirting.

"Mhm, please" he adds and lets you go.

"Bye Jason" you quickly say to him and then walk over to your friends to explain everything.

Later that day, you were quick to find Eddie before he got into his van to leave.

"Hey, Eddie!" He turned around and waited till you got closer. "I just wanted say thank you for helping me today with Jason, you really saved me there"

"No problem, really. I'm still surprised it actually worked" he comments.

"Yeah," you laugh, "either Jason's really stupid or we're really good actors"

"A bit of both maybe" he laughs.

"Anyways, thanks for today, I owe you one" you finally say, and start walking away.

"Wait" Eddie stops you after a few seconds, "Maybe we could actually do what Gareth said"

"Which one was Gareth again?" you ask.

"The one with all the curls, he told us to act like we're dating" he explained.

"Oh, yeah. Umm, I mean it really worked. Jason left me alone for the rest of the day"

"We can try it on Chrissy next time and see if she buys it"

"Yeah, sure" you say with a smile.

"Do you need a ride? We can maybe work out the details on the way" he offers and you accept.

--

"So the story would be that I started tutoring you in Spanish and then started dating" you confirm.

"Yeah, that seems believable. Do we need any rules for this?"

"Like what?"

"Like... boundaries, I don't know"

"Yeah umm, well obviously no real intimacy, we should communicate openly to avoid misunderstandings, umm what else?" you list.

"How long are we gonna do this for?" he asks.

"Maybe we should see how it goes, I don't want to say that we should do it for the rest of the year, so maybe until both of them are no longer interested in us" you propose.

"Yeah, that's good. What about physically?"

"Umm well, the hugging was fine, flirting obviously. I don't know, what couples do"

"Kissing?" he asks.

"I guess we would have to do it eventually to seem believable" you say.

"Yeah, totally"

The next day Eddie came to find you in your locker.

"Are you ready to start, girlfriend?" he jokes.

"Yeah, sure... boyfriend"

He walks you to class, you sit together in the classes you share, you start doing everything together that morning.

Eddie and you are walking to his locker and when he opens it, a note falls from it. He grabs it and reads:

Meet me in the woods at lunch. -C

He sighs.

"Guess we're having lunch together too" you say.

"Yup, seems like it" he confirms.

And you sit at the Hellfire table next to him. Eddie explains to the guys what you two are doing and Gareth has a big smile because he was right, his plan actually worked.

After like 20 minutes, Chrissy shows up in the cafeteria.

"Eddie! There you are!" she walks up to your table and you quickly sit closer to him. "Didn't you get my note?"

"Note? Oh, I totally forgot Chrissy. Guess this one here distracted me" he blames you with a sweet tone.

"I did not!" you say giggling a little.

"Oh, I didn't know you were in hellfire" Chrissy says to you.

"Oh, I'm not, I just wanted to have lunch with him" you explain to her while you play a little with Eddie's hair.

Chrissy frowns, clearly not understanding anything that's going on.

"Sorry Chrissy, what did you want though?" Eddie asks.

"Well, I wanted to ask you if you're doing something this weekend, maybe we could go see a movie?" she proposes.

"Oh, I'm sorry I already made plans with her," he puts his arm around your shoulders "right, sweetheart?"

"Yeah sorry, he's all mine this weekend" you joke and give him a sweet kiss on the cheek.

"Oh, I didn't know you two were..."

"Dating? Yeah" you finish her sentence.

"Huh, well... congrats!" she says with a fake smile on and walks away.

"That was quite a show" one of Eddie's friends says. You should really ask Eddie for their names, it seems like you're going to spend more time with them than before.

As the week continued, your acting did too. Jason wasn’t bothering you as much, and if he did you just gave him the excuse that Eddie was waiting for you and walked away.

But on the second week you started to notice Jason’s stares while you were with Eddie, either at lunch, or class, talking in some hall. Anywhere. It was like he was studying or analyzing, looking for something between you two.

When you told Eddie about this, he said you would have to be yet more believable. So far you’ve only been flirting or close to each other if Chrissy or Jason were around.

But now you’re acting for the whole school. If one of Jason’s friends sees you two a little distant, they would tell him right away.

Right now, you two were standing in front of the door of your next class, a class you share with Jason. You were just standing there, talking closely to each other.

“The short one with the curls is Dustin, and his friend, the tall one with black hair is Mike” he said to you sweetly. From the outside it looked way more romantic.

“Wheeler, right?” you confirm.

“Yeah, exactly!” he says with a smile.

“Yeah, I figured because he looks just like his sister, Nancy” you told him, looking up at him lovingly.

“Yeah, is true…”

“Oh, Jason is coming” you tell Eddie as soon as you see him.

“Ok, do you trust me on this?” he asks and you’re a bit confused but you still nod anyway.

When Eddie is able to hear footsteps behind him, figuring it was Jason, he grabs your face with the one hand that wasn’t on your waist, pulls you closer to him and gives you a sweet kiss on the lips.

It wasn’t very long or short, just the right time for you to feel his soft lips on yours, feel his soft touch on your cheek. Just the right time for you to hold your breath for a second because your mind became so occupied by him that you just forgot.

Who would have thought Eddie Munson could be so sweet? Not you.

For a second there you also forgot why he had kissed you in the first place. But thanks to Jason you fell back to reality, since he walked right next to you two to enter the classroom while clearing his throat a little too loud.

-

“Why is Jason looking at our table so angrily?” One of the kids asks while sitting down. Lucas, you learned his name was.

“I may have kissed the girl he likes in front of him and now it seems like he’s pretty angry” Eddie explains with a smirk.

“You’re kissing now?” Dusting asks.

“Yeah, I mean we had to, he was already suspecting something”

“Lucas is right though, why is he still looking at us like that?” you notice.

“Are you done eating?” Eddie asks you.

“Yeah”

“Come here” he pulls his chair back to have more space between him and the table and pats his thigh.

“Excuse me?”

“Sit here with me, let’s actually give him something to stare at”

“I am sitting here with you, you’re asking me to sit on you” you tell him.

“Sweetheart, please. I know it will work, it will make him even angrier” he convinces you somehow and you end up sitting on his lap.

“Well, if you’re gonna do it, you should be more convincing” Gareth corrects.

“How?” you ask annoyed.

“Loose the attitude, you want them to think you like Eddie so much that you need to be as close as possible to him at all times, and right now you look like you hate this and you want to run away from him” Gareth explains.

“Wait, do you?” Eddie asks concerned.

“No! No, it’s fine,” you comfort him and adjust yourself on him, sitting more casual, as if you do this all the time, “Better?”

“Yeah, I’d say that’s ok”

“Hey, I was meaning to ask you,” Eddie starts, everyone at the table went back to their own conversation so he’s only talking to you now. “you can totally say no, because it wouldn’t be at school, and I don’t know, we haven’t really discussed if we’re still doing this outside of school-“

“Eds, you’re rambling. Just tell me, what is it?” you cut him off.

“Well, you know I’m in a band with the boys and we’re playing this Thursday, so Chrissy came up to me today and told me that she was looking forward to Thursday because she was planning on coming to see us play, to see me” he explains.

“Oh” you cringe. “I’ll go too”

“Really? I don’t want to force you or anything, you’re already doing this here at school, wouldn’t want to bother you outside as well”

“Eds, I’m not just doing this, you’re helping me here too,” you tell him with a smile, he can be really cute sometimes. “It’s not trouble at all, I didn’t have any plans for Thursday night anyway”

“Thanks, really” he says.

“Besides, it would be weird if you’re playing with your band and your girlfriend wasn’t there to see you front row. Kind of suspicious, don’t you think?” you joke.

“Definitely suspicious, but your boyfriend will buy you a drink anyway for the trouble” he says and you feel like there’s a flirty tone in his voice, but… no, it couldn’t be. Nor Jason or Chrissy were around to listen.

Either way, you don’t know if it is because of how close his face is to yours right now, the possible flirty tone he’s using, calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, or because of the stupid kiss he gave you before that you can’t seem to stop thinking about, but you’re feeling a strong desire to have his lips on yours again. 

And you’re kind of acting on autopilot right now, but your faces are already realllly close, your hand comes up to meet his cheek, he’s not pulling away or looking at you weirdly, so you do it. Your lips meet his in a short kiss, a sweet and delicate one.

But as soon as your lips separate and you look at him in the eyes, you panic.

“Uh I- I’m sorry, J –Jason was… looking at us again and –I kind of just-“ you start but he interrupts.

“It’s fine,” he laughs at your nervousness, “We’re dating, remember? So it’s normal that we kiss. Besides, I don’t really mind kissing you, sweetheart”

Thursday night came along and here you were with Corroded Coffin getting some drinks before it was their moment to play. You were a bit exited to see Eddie play, you weren’t going to lie.

“Eddie! Hii!” you hear Chrissy greeting— only him —behind you and so it was show time for you two. If this was a movie, it would be the director shouting ‘action.’

“Hey Chris” Eddie greets her back while pulling your chair closer to him subtly.

“Oh I’m so excited to see you play, have you seen him yet?” she asks you.

“No, it would be my first time. I’m really excited too!” you explain to her but you look at Eddie with a smile during that last sentence.

“Oh it’s like you’re dating a rockstar! I’m so jealous!” she jokes… I think? But you laugh anyway.

“Guys, you can start in five minutes” the bartender lets the guys know that they can go up stage already.

It’s just a few minutes of alone time with Chrissy once they guys go, but luckily they start pretty fast and all of your attention is on the stage, or on one of the people on stage anyway.

And you have to admit, you didn’t really know what to expect, metal music isn’t really your type of music and you didn’t know if the guys would be really good.

But they surprised you completely, even if it’s not the music you usually go for, the show was great. And they all played so good, you can tell they take this pretty seriously.

Eddie was completely mesmerizing on the guitar and after every guitar solo he played, you were there cheering for him so proudly. Along with a couple of other girls your age, you couldn’t help but notice.

Once they finish and come down the stage back to you, you were the first one to go give Eds a big hug.

And you’re going to excuse yourself because Chrissy was right next to you waiting to congratulate Eddie too, but as soon as you two separate a little from the hug you take the chance and give him a good kiss that has all of his friends cheering as well.

This time it wasn’t a shy or short kiss. You had one arm around his neck and the other you used to grab his face by his cheek. He was already with his arms around your waist, but when he felt your lips on his, he pulled you in even closer.

And when you cut the kiss you look at him with an audacious look. “You were completely amazing”

A big smile forms on his face after your words and that kiss. “Thank you, baby”

An hour passed, you’ve all been drinking a little more, but luckily no one was actually drunk yet.

Chrissy had gone outside since one of her friends joined her and both went out for a smoke. So you and Eddie didn’t have to act anymore, he had gone closer to the bar with Gareth and you stayed talking to Jeff.

After a while, you excused yourself to go grab another drink, that’s when you see him again. But he wasn’t with Gareth. No, he was talking to another girl, one of the girls you saw cheering for him.

She was wearing a Black Sabbath cropped shirt with a little black skirt and boots, black hair with some red strands. Which made you feel… uncomfortable, like a little squeeze in your chest. She looked just like Eddie’s type.

Every time she laughed she would lean closer to him, and take the chance to touch his arms or chest.

He didn’t seem uncomfortable though, he was laughing too, having a blast. And you felt yourself getting angrier.

“Eds” you interrupt them, “sorry, I’m gonna steal him for just a second”

“What’s up?” he asks once you’re a few steps further from this girl.

“I just saw Chrissy getting inside the bar again. I’m sorry, but it would be weir if she saw you flirting with another girl” You lie… but just a little white lie, I mean, Chrissy could actually walk in again at any minute and see him with this other girl. Imagine the mess.

“Oh, yeah that would be weir” luckily he agrees, “thanks”

“Do you wanna go over there? I was chatting with Jeff” you propose.

“Yeah, I’ll be you with in a second, just let me apologize to this other girl”

“Yeah sure, and can you get me another drink while you’re there?” you ask him with a smile.

“Of course”

After a few minutes he meets you and Jeff. “Here’s your drink, princess”

“Thank you, how much was it?”

“Don’t worry” he says.

“No, come on. You already bought a drink for me, let me pay for this one” you insist.

“Buut I wanted to buy you another one, so let me” he says with a smile.

“Alright, but we’ll share this one”

After a couple of minutes of talking with the boys, Chrissy still didn’t show up and you were a little nervous he would discover your lie.

But thankfully, after ten minutes, she and her friend came back inside, walking right over to you. Eddie sees them too, his arm was already around you, plus you were both sharing a drink so you didn’t worry.

“Guys, we were gonna head home already” she announces. For a second there you were cursing internally fearing that once she left, Eddie would go back to the girl from before.

“Oh yeah, maybe we could head off as well, right sweetheart?” he asks you.

“Yeah, sure” you agree with a smile. Luck was on your side today.

You greet everyone and Eddie drives you home.

“Thank you for coming today, really”

“It was really fun. You really were amazing up there, I didn’t just say that because Chrissy was there” you confess.

“Thank you, and I’m glad you had fun, maybe –um, you could come again next time, if –if you want” he proposes a little nervously.

“I’d like that, count me in”

“Great” a little smile forms on his face from your words.

“You know… you’re not what I thought you’d be like” you confess, maybe you were tipsier than you thought.

“What? A freak?” he says and it breaks your heart a little that that is the first thing he thinks.

“No, just… a little scary maybe”

“Am I not scary?” he looks at you acting threatening.

“No, not at all” you laugh, “you’re really funny and really sweet actually, like a teddy bear—TEDDIE!”

“I’m not a teddy bear!” he defends.

“You are, a really cute one” you say without even thinking, and you don’t see this but Eddie blushes hard from your comment.

“Thank you, princess”

“You know Jason calls me princess all the time too?”

“Oh –sorry”

“No, I actually like when you call me that. When he does it is disgusting, but when you do it its actually nice… it’s weird” you ramble a little.

“Well, I’m glad you like it when I do it because I like calling you that, it suits you” he says, “We’re here sweetheart, do you need help getting to bed?”

“Eddie!” you laugh at his question, “you know it’s only acting, we can’t actually sleep together!”

“I didn’t mean it like that” he laughs a little at your reaction, but you see his cheeks also turn red, “I meant if you need help to walk, or go up the stairs?”

“Oh no, I’m fine, thanks” you give him a kiss on the cheek, “Bye, thank you for driving me”

“Bye princess” he greets you with a smile.

--

The next day it was hellfire Friday, you walked with Eddie to the drama room where the guys were waiting for him. You weren’t going to stay, you just walked him to say bye to the boys and then go home.

“Ok, I should get going now. Bye everyone!” you greeted them and they greeted back. “Bye Eddie” you turned around to see him and gave him a smile.

“Bye sweetheart, see you next week” he gave you a hug and off you went.

“Wow, she walked you all the way here just to say bye?” Dustin noticed. “Even without Chrissy or Jason in the room you still seem to be acting”

Before Eddie could answer, he noticed that Mike and Lucas are practically biting their tongue to hold their laughs.

“It was nothing, she just said goodbye, what was so romantic about that?” Eddie explains.

“Last night at the bar they were both extra sweet with each other, even when Chrissy wasn’t around” Jeff joins in the teasing as well.

“They were?” Dusting asks concerned which seems to only be worse for Mike and Lucas since their faces are now fully red and with tears forming in their eyes.

“What’s up with you two?” Eddie finally asks them.

“Guys, stop please” Dustin complains to them, but this only makes them start screaming in laughter.

“You don’t realize?” Mike manages to say between laughs.

“You’re making little Dusty here soooo jealous” Lucas explains.

“Stooop” Dustin complains again.

“What do you mean ‘jealous’?” Eddie asks confused.

“He’s had a big crush on your fake girlfriend since he first saw her” Mike explains.

“God, I hate you two” Dustin tells them.

“Oh… you have?” Eddie asks him.

“I’s not like I’m waiting to get a chance with her, I know it would never happen, but it’s just –weird to see you kissing her and all of that” he explains himself. Eddie feels a little bad for him, but at the same time it bothers him a bit that Dustin has a crush on you. It’s like… you’re his, Eddie’s. It’s obvious you would never look at Dustin in a romantic way, he’s way too young. And it’s not like you and Eddie are a thing, you’re just acting, but it’s weir for him to know one of his friends has a thing for you.

And since that day—Eddie would never actually confess he’s doing this—but every time, after Chrissy or Jason would walk out after seeing you two all romantic, and you would move over and go back to your conversation with Dustin, he would come up with something to get your attention back on him.

Again, he would never actually confess he does this, it makes him feel like a little kid. Jealous of a literal fifteen year old, when he’s 20.

The following week felt different. The dynamics between you and Eddie had shifted since your fake romance began. Every stolen glance, every scripted touch, all the playful banter—they'd unconsciously started to blur the lines between acting and genuine affection.

Late at night, you find yourself replaying those moments. Holding hands while walking, his arm around your shoulder at any given time, every kiss, how fucking soft his lips were all the time, making you want to kiss them every second you’re around him. And when you’re not around him? You’re thinking of them, of him. Finding yourself actually missing his company.

Would Eddie feel the same? Does he miss having you around? Does he want your lips on his all the time like you do?

You were considering just killing yourself if he didn’t actually felt any of these things. Imagine the embarrassment it would be to have fallen for someone you’re pretending to date, and him feeling completely indifferent towards you. You’d have to move out of the country.

Thanks to these thoughts you were feeling a little uncomfortable around Eddie, so you started to—you wouldn’t say avoiding him—but trying not to be so close to him all the time. Until he started to notice you were being different around him.

One day, he decided to ask you about this. If it was really happening or if it was all in his head.

Because, if he was honest, he did start to overthink things when it came to you. You made him so nervous lately, he just wants to do everything right with you.

He was looking for you everywhere, even started to ask random people if they saw you today. A guy told him he had seen you going to the library a few minutes ago. And when he went to check, bingo. Finally he found you.

"Hey, there you are" he greeted you.

"Oh Eddie, what are you doing here?" he noticed your sudden nervousness. Fuck, what if he had done something to upset you?

"I was looking for you, I wanted to talk for a second"

"Now is not a really good time, you should get going, I'll find you later"

"Why?" he asks a little offended

"I think I saw-"

"Princess!" Jason finds you as well.

"...Jason" you whisper to Eddie finishing your sentence a little too late now.

"Oh and her apparent... prince" Jason comments referring to Eddie.

"Apparent?" he asks him.

"Jason, what do you want?" you ask annoyed.

"Why so defensive? You look way better with a smile on that pretty face" Jason started. "Is he bothering you?"

"No, I'm not!" Eddie answers. "Am I, sweetheart?"

"No, of course you're not" you lie for the sake of your fake relationship. Even though right now, they're both bothering you.

"See Jason, she was fine until you came, so why don't you go?" Eddie tells him while wrapping you in his arms. Fuck, you can already feel the stupid butterflies.

"Princess, I can tell when you're lying. Tell me and I'll take him off of you... with pleasure" Jason tells you.

"Jason, I’m fine!”

“Come here baby” Eddie said taking you to one of the tables away from Jason.

“Thanks, he’s so annoying I swear… Eds?” you started complaining but he wasn’t playing attention, still looking over at where Jason stands.

“He’s still staring at us, giving me looks” he complains. He looks back at you and brings you closer to him, wrapping his arms around you again.

“Eds…”

“Let me just do this” he finally says before kissing you. He gives you a sweet kiss. One where your lips are dance together until you someone interrupts.

“Excuse me?” The lady of the library says a little offended. “You can’t come here and do that, I’m going to have to ask you to leave”

“What?” you ask confused, but before you can even comprehend what’s happening, Eddie grabs your hand and starts running deeper into the library.

“Excuse me?!” You hear the lady from far away now.

Eddie turns in a random aisle and runs with you until you reach the end of the hall.

“Shhh” he says to you and tries to listen if the lady has followed you two or not, “I think we’re clear”

“Why was it necessary to run from her? She’s like 60” you complain.

“What is your deal today?” he asks.

“What?” you act as if you don’t know what he means.

“Why are you so annoyed?”

“It’s just… Jason, he puts me in a bad mood”

“That’s not true, you wanted me to leave you alone even before he showed up”

“I don’t have a deal, I don’t know what you mean”

“I think you do, and not just today, you’ve been weird with me for days now”

“Weird how?” you ask.

“You’re more distant. And I get it if you don’t want to be hanging out all day, but… you weren’t like that before” he explains.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think you would care so much” now you feel bad.

“You’re crazy if you think I wouldn’t care or wouldn’t notice. We’ve been hanging out nonstop for weeks now”

“A month and a half actually” you correct him.

“Has it been that much already?”

“Yeah” you laugh, “One would think they’d get over us by now and let it go” you joke referring to Jason and Chrissy.

“We’re too attractive and so interesting” he jokes but he says it with a straight face, as if it really was a struggle. And this makes you laugh harder.

“Shh” he laughs too. “She’s gonna find us”

“She’s another one who’s also jealous of us, that’s why she wanted us to stop kissing and kick us out” you joke.

“I bet she is, we have to be more careful. We’re too much of a power couple”

“Yeah”

“See, I missed this” he explains. “If I overstepped one time and didn’t realize, I’m sorry, or-“

“No, no, Eddie you didn’t do anything, it wasn’t your fault”

“Then what was it?” he asks.

"This whole pretending-to-be-dating thing… it's made me realize some stuff" you confess.

Your heart started racing, you were actually telling him.

"What stuff?" he could feel the gravity in her words.

"That maybe… maybe I'm not just pretending anymore" you finally say, looking at the ground, you fear if you look at him, it would make you even more nervous.

His gaze was fixed on you, his breath caught in his throat. The air suddenly felt charged, unspoken emotions crackling between you two. "Me too" Eddie admitted, barely above a whisper.

Your eyes are quick to look up at him, a mix of surprise and relief washing over you. "You feel the same?"

Eddie nods, a shy smile tugging at his lips. "I didn't think you would too. I thought you wanted to end all this agreement actually”

You shake your head with a smile.

“Come here” he says and you move closer to him, his hands on your cheeks, bringing your face slowly closer to his. Your hands set on his chest, just because you needed to touch him, to feel him.

His lips crash into yours. You have kissed before but this somehow felt like your first kiss, ever. It wasn’t like any other kiss he had given you before, this was more passionate and romantic all at once.

"I guess all that acting wasn't so pretend after all" Eddie chuckles softly, after you pull away.

"It seems we're not really good actors” you reply, a hint of playfulness in your voice.

Eddie took a deep breath, gathering his courage. "Would you… maybe want to go out for real? No more acting, just… us?"

A rush of emotions flooded you as you look into Eddie's eyes. "I'd love that" you reply, heart pounding with newfound excitement.

[bebebelll]

does anyone know her dad? daniel ricciardo smau (part 2)

pairing: daniel ricciardo x toto's secret daugther!reader / daniel ricciardo x schumacher & wolff!reader warning: mention of slutshaming note: part one here, part three here, part four here

ynquads never drinking or letting 20+ men into my 2-bedroom place ever again. also yes danny slept on the floor but brought great wine.

liked by susie_wolff, danielricciardo, mercedesamgf1 and 1 834 273 others

maxverstappen1 who threw up in the hallway? because someone threw up on seven pairs of shoes

alex_albon lando. i saw him drunk dancing out there too landonorris OKAY

username ARE YOU NOT EVEN GOING TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE TOTO WOLFF THING

username they are absolutely fucking username the fuck are your sources bro?

georgerussell63 i would like to apologize for the vase that i broke

logansargeant i will add the sorry for chipping the countertop lewishamilton i took the dog toys for roscoe and i'm not sorry fernandoalo_official i didnt do anything but i would like the recipe for the soup

danielricciardo why would you post just that pic?? i found you sleeping on the kitchen floor in the morning you were not doing any better

ynquads lando stole the sofa, alex slept in the armchair, charles and max were passed out in the tub AND pierre, carlos and yuki were in the bed. i did not have other options at 5 am danielricciardo you shouldve come next to me. we could have cuddled ynquads baby i am literally in your arms right now danielricciardo and i want you with me all the time

username if austin has the whole grid + like four of the old guys get passed out drunk in one small apartment, i cannot wait to see what las vegas does to these men

danielricciardo love you and also am so scared of your dad. we won't need his permission to marry someday right?

tagged: ynquads

liked by ynquads, maxverstappen1 and 593 837 others

username i love the dichotomy of the pajama pics and the hot evening wear

ynquads get you a man who can do both

landonorris like how you're both ignoring sky news and twitter burning down with the rumours

ynquads so...you know how the world of motorsports is super small? you grow up with half the formula 1 grid and idolise the other half. sometimes you grow up being mortal enemies and you both get into f1. sometimes you win the title because your teammate dies. sometimes a 27-years-old toto wolff hooks up with michael schumacher's sister katarina. anyway! Lass uns diese Woche zum Essen gehen, Papa! Viel Glück für Onkel Lewis und George! (let's go out to dinner this week, dad! best of luck to uncle lewis and george!)

liked by danielricciardo, mercedesamgf1 and 1 837 364 others

susie_wolff your dad appreciates the first photo a lot! he didn't love the third though

mercedesamgf1 we'll always have a spot and cup of coffee just for you! no need to go to red bull, come home to us ❤️💪(also admin has known this since 2017 and could barely keep their mouth shut so thank you now i can comment)

ynquads mercedes admin really is gods strongest soldier danielricciardo please dont let mercedes just steal you. i need my good luck love charm and kisses ynquads dont worry dan we can romeo & juliet the shit out the red bull v mercedes feud susie_wolff your dad says NO and also do you want to eat salmon on tuesday?

username I FUCKING KNEW IT I CALLED IT I AM THE CONSPIRARY THEORY MASTER I AM GOD

redbullracing sweetheart you don't need to agree to anything. we have red bulls and cake in the hospitality 😅 please stay with us

ynquads what kind of daughter do you think i am? redbullracing we have daniel ynquads you know max and daniel have always been my favourites i could never leave red bull

username yn is 50% schumacher + 50% wolff and daniel 8 wins. imagine the kids they'll get

maxverstappen1 the kid's godfather is also going to have 3 championships danielricciardo 👍

@eternalharry

[dear-ao3]

the 2024 formula 1 silly season and drama master post, part 2 (part 1 here)

Hello and welcome to ah fucking fuck auto caps fuck fuck fuck how do i turn off auto caps AHA there we go okay. take 2

hello and welcome to the great and very insane formula 1 2024 season drama post, part 2. if you are new here or are just looking for part one (which contains the previous 16 (?) races, the off season, pre season testing and everything else, that can be found HERE. (a word to the wise: open it in a browser, not the app, and preferably on a computer to avoid crashing. its fucking long). 

what the hell is formula 1? car go fast. fastest cars in the world zoom around tracks at top speeds of over 300kph, piloted by the top 20 drivers in the world. it might not sound dramatic, but oh man. you will Not be disappointed. this post focuses on the drama, the insanity, the sheer what the hell how is this a serious sport. no legitimately. we've just about seen it all this year. grindr, dogs, watersports, ice cream brands, its all here.

the point of this post? to educate, to catalog the insane drama, and to just have a good time. people like to gatekeep this sport, there is also a lot happening. i try to make it easy to understand. again, probably best to start at the beginning of the post because it does a pretty good job of explaining things, which i began way back in january, and can be found HERE (again, shes long, be careful)

and, as usual, if you do not want to see this post EVER AGAIN, block the tag #saph explains silly season 2024

and a second caution, i assume this post will be getting long as well. including this one we have minimum 9 updates left!

anyway, those of you who have been following along the whole time, welcome back! i know we got a little delayed. and i know we’re on a new post, so lets just briefly take a second for me to explain what the fuck happened. first i had an anatomy test, second i work 2 jobs with fuck ass hours, third tumblr decided to stop letting me look at any of my drafts, fourth tumblr support ghosted me about the drafts issue and the post was half saving half not so i just decided fuck it, were going with post 2, electric boogaloo, and fifth, i decided to start typing this instead in a google docs so. many changes. if you're new here i am usually more on top of this.

but here we are. were back on street circuits. we’re in baku, azerbaijan, for the start of the last third of the season. 8 races remain, world championship titles are still within grasp of multiple people. the drama is dramaing. and today is september 22, 2024 and lets fucking go. 

first and foremost, on account of the fact that this post is late (again, see above), were going to have to do a bit of a speed run. if you're new here, i promise that this is not representative of my normal dedication to the update post. and for those asking, yeah, ill probably compile it somewhere better than a tumblr post after its all said and done, but we don't have time for that now. 

what we do have time for is the Off Week (and like some of the media stuff). and it was filled with silliness: 

george russell decided to wear what can only be described as slightly ugly yellow short shorts with his taylor swift shirt that he got at the eras tour. this was baffling for several reasons, the main reason being that i don't think the internet knew that he was capable of wearing a graphic t shirt

fernando alonso got his aston martin valkyrie finally. in case you are unfamiliar, a valkyrie i think is the worlds fastest street legal car. he posted tweets about this that made it seem like he wanted to fuck the car. hilariously, the car broke down an hour later.

we also had the very thrilling conclusion to grill the grid. oscar won and he somehow managed to look more pleased about his grill the grid win than his first race victory. 

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nico rosberg went to the green awards and he wore a fantastically insane teal blue suit. yes i know hes not a current driver. but you all like hearing about him so ask and you shall receive. unfornunately i cant find a picture of it though

and also not a current driver is mick schumacher, but my roommate asked me to include that he was seen on his girlfriends instagram being bad at golf. like. exceptionally bad at golf. like he hit a tree 20 feet in front of him.

also playing golf was lando norris. except he managed to look like try bolton from high school musical 2.

he also talked about the world driver championship with his friend max fewtrell while they were playing golf. unfortunately i lost this link in the sea of technical difficulties, but the gist of it was that he was saying that there is still hope for him to beat max in the championship (hes about 60 points behind right now). lando doesnt usually talk about the championship because he doesnt want news outlets to paint him as “desperate” so this was interesting

charles leclerc had an insane off week. first he rear ended someone in monaco. then he spoke at a yacht conference. he was not scheduled to speak at said yacht conference, he was there doing something else and they were like hey you're cool people know you, heres a microphone. he alsp ended up on a weather channel while promoting a karting event he was doing for the jules bianchi foundation (his god father, the one who died during the f1 race in japan 2014). he also changed his instagram pop and re centered it because some random tiktoker told him it matched his aesthetic better.

oscar piastri posted a photo of himself sitting in the cockpit of a plane and then promptly deleted it. because he posted it on 9/11. for anyone who doesnt know what that is, that was when some terrorists hijacked commercial planes and few them into the world trade centers in nyc and the pentagon in washington dc

max verstappen also posted a plane pic with himself and lando norris, but he did not delete it.

we also had the return of daniel ricciardo’s jpg instagram account, which is kinda like a finsta for photos that hes taken. i think lando started this a few years ago. 

heading into the race week we certainly got a weird ass batch of pr. including but not limited to:

lewis hamilton was back on top and slaying in the fit game. as was yuki. 

lewis hamilton also exposed george russell as listening to katy perry pre race. katy perry and taylor swift (this was after he claimed that he liked listening to old school rap music.) though, lewis then started singing wrecking ball???? confusing vibes all around

george was not off the hook yet tho because some intern definitely make him say skidibidi toilet or whatever the thing is idk, i might be gen z but im not insufferable, okay? actually george in baku was just all kinds of unhinged

george and alex also got up to something, what it is no one knows but it is clearly something

max pulled up to the paddock de aged about 10 years. picture one is of him in baku in 2015 (i believe he was 17) and picture 2 is this year. no i am not kidding. 

and franco walked into the paddock telling everyone about argentinian mate (which is a drink, not a friend)

and max shoved a microphone out of the way so everyone could gossip

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then of course, we had some slightly more relevant drama

haas announced that ollie would be replacing kevin at baku. in case you forgot, kevin magnussen received a total of 12 penalty points over the season so far, which means he gets one race ban. how did he get the points? well he was mostly wreaking havoc on everyone else so that his teammate, nico hulkenberg, could drag his car into the points. lets all remember the time in saudi arabia where he managed to get 20 seconds of penalties by basically driving like a mad man just to make sure that nico could keep his position after he pit stopped. anyway, nico was kind of pissed about the race ban situation and said “maybe the guidelines for F1 penalties need to be reviewed as the stewards ‘want to get involved’ no matter the contact.”

in any case though, k mags was out. and ollie was in. we’ve seen ollie before. notably he subbed in for carlos sainz at the saudi arabia gp when carlos had appendicitis. he managed to get points as well. since then, he has been announced as a haas driver for 2025 and is now subbing in for k mags (haas, later in the week called him a super sub. clearly no gen z person read that over.) he can do this because ferrari has a haas engine so they share reserve drivers.

adrian newey finally got employed. i know! i can hardly believe it either! but he did! and youll never guess where! 

ferrari? no that would be too obvious. 

mercedes? nah

williams? no too much of a shit show

aston martin? ding ding ding! just the right amount of shit show! 

that is right. newey is going to aston for 2025. 

apparently he was offered a “good package” according to himself, which i assume means pay and also the fact that lawrence stroll made him a shareholder? stakeholder? whatever its called. in the team itself. basically he has a lot of power. 

he said that he always wanted to work with fernando and lewis. and he couldn't do both. and aston had a better package than ferrari. 

fernando looked positively evil during all the announcement pictures. and called the team "definitely the team of the future" and for those of you who don't know, fernando is positively evil. hes just been stuck in a shit box and we havent seen very much of him, but man does he know how to evilly slut it up. so that will be fun to see.

by contrast, people said that lance was not excited enough. and well. lance 1. has resting bitch face and 2. never really looks excited about anything. also he lives in a world where take your child to work day somehow became his job. (his dad owns the team).

lewis hamilton was asked what he thought about adrian not going to ferrari, and here's what he had to say:

"i feel like, while I have mentioned before that it would be an honor to work with adrian, i have been privileged to work with two championship winning teams that didnt have adrian."

mclaren announced pato o ward would do FP1 in mexico. who is pato o ward? hes one of mclaren’s indycar drivers and one of the f1 reserve drivers. he is incredibly charming and definitely runs his own social media as seen here:

mclaren Also claim they figured out who their number 2 driver is and they claim its oscar. i say they claim because the statements were a lot more complex than that. essentially, according to andrea stella, the priority is to the team first, then lando and then oscar. so they didn't outright say that oscar is the number 2 driver and i am willing to bet real money that this is because mr mark webber, oscars manager, has something in oscars contract that prevents him from being a number 2 driver. this is of course because mark webber was one of the most infamous number 2 drivers in f1 history to none other than menace war criminal sebastian vettel, who in their time as teammates, managed to win 4 back to back world champions. or, top to bottom if you're mrs darbus from high school musical. 

lando was asked about this and he said that yes, the team does support him. though he would not expect oscar to give up a win for him and that it is more complex behind the scenes. i suppose we will see if there are any papaya rules coming out this weekend….

and oscar said "i think the main point is its not purely just going to be me pulling over for lando every single race, because thats how none of us, including lando, wont want to go racing, if we feel that someone has done a much better job on a weekend, whichever way it is, we want that person to be rewarded."

max verstappen commented on the mclaren situation as well. which was funny mostly because red bull has one of the most defined number 1 and number 2 drivers of any team. he said "you look at it form oscar's perspective, he is closer to lando than lando to me. they have to deal with that."

and allow me to put on a tin foil hat as we are about to talk about the future of the red bull seat. because all i have to offer here is a baseball hat and a red bull can. 

a long time ago we talked about the red bull cans. the ones that red bull makes to promote f1. at the end of last season red bull put max and checo on the red bull can. this season at the start it was just max on the red bull can. well. now checo has reappeared on the cans too. and i will tell you what i think this means. it means that checo is not getting swapped this season, which was a possibility for awhile. 

but! there is more! 

daniel ricciardo made an instagram post this week. and it was very interesting. but most interestingly he was wearing a red bull hat.

which he does occasionally, no big deal really. he did race for the for several years, he technically does currently. BUT then he showed up TO THE PADDOCK wearing the red bull hat.

which is Big Interesting. usually you show up in a statement outfit or wearing the team kit. and daniel is not a red bull racing driver. he is a visa cashapp racing bulls driver. they might be owned by red bull but they are Not the same team. so why the red bull hat. in the paddock. well, the rumor is that hes taking checos seat for 2025. and the rumor is that this will be announced before mexico. so checo can have a proper send off. 

and with that. the baku lore. 

theres a lot that has happened at baku. as i said its a street circuit. and i think its the fastest street circuit. but over the years theres been some notable events. 

such as the great kimi raikkonen radio for gloves and steering wheel:

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they gave mini kimi this week gloves and steering wheel in honor of that

the max and daniel crash in 2018 when they were running p1 and p2 respectfully

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and of course. how could we forget. charles’s infamous “i am stupid” radio.

speaking of charles, he crashed again in fp1. not quite in the same spot, but nearly. he took a picture with the marshalls. 

then in fp2 he rage quit, basically saying that the car sucks. 

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but he was back and better than ever in practice three because he managed to top the time charts. welcome back fuck ass ferrari.

some other teams definitely experienced the lows but not really the highs of baku during practice. like lance stroll who came on the radio to say “this is not a car” (good thing they have adrian newey now, right? 

franco colapinto also cut his ear before practice on the neck strengthener stretcher thing that they all use and the team wanted to give him stitches but he was like no no no i need to be in the car in about 5 minutes im not doing that. so he jammed on his helmet and jumped in the car. he also crashed and when he went to the medical center he took off his helmet and there was blood everywhere and they were like no no no you cannot race! and he was like no! this is not from the crash! and then explained it and they let him do qualifying. 

also im pretty sure? ollie bearman crashed? in practice? but frankly i don't have time to google it so whos to say. 

but alas. qualifying. 

i know i know this is kind of a shitty update. i promise ill go all out in singapore. i PROMISE. 

so as i said. its a street circuit. high speed. 90 degree corners. and also windy as hell. we also had the dynamic duo of karun and harry in the commentary box. 

max led the first practice, george led the second and i think charles led the third. or some order like that. 

slipstream here is almost essential (slipstream: going behind another car to reduce the wind drag so you can go faster) 

charles has the last three pole positions (first in qualifying) here in baku, but he has never won. by comparison, red bull have never had pole here but they have won. 

and franco has never been to baku before. 

i think that's all the exposition that we need here. 

q1 started with max complaining about his car. “the car is jumping around like crazy on the rear axle” he said. despite this he was sitting in p3. 

the mid field battle though….the mid field battle was heating the hell up. mostly because none other than franco colapinto, who if you will remember, has never been to baku before, had split the two ferraris. he was in third for the moment, .109 seconds behind carlos sainz and .159 seconds ahead of charles leclerc. we still had a lot of qualifying left to go, so this was probably not going to stay, but it was still insane. he was pushing insanely hard, nearly kissing the walls. clearly he had learned from his crash in practice. 

the two mclarens waited until the very end of q1 to do their final flying push lap, and oscar made it through, but tragedy struck for lando. 

lando was in the middle of his last flying lap, time was ticking down, and there was a Very Brief yellow flag on the track. now, according to rules, you cannot complete your flying lap if there is a yellow flag. so lando pitted and was stuck down in 17th and out of qualifying. this would be the first time that he was out in q1 since vegas last year (which if i remember correctly was also not his fault) 

now though, of course nothing is ever that cut and dry. people thought that there had been a mis showing of a flag. yellow flag means that a car is stopped on track, white flag means that a car is going slowly on the track. and people thought that there had been a yellow flag shown when it was actually supposed to be a white flag (if there had been a white flag then lando would have been able to keep doing his flying lap) lando himself said that he had no idea what people were talking about because there is a light on the steering wheel that lights up when flags are called and he had a big yellow light. so it was clearly a yellow flag. 

if you're concerned about lando being able to pull it out of the bag, id like to point you in the direction of the mexican gp last year where lando qualified 17th and finished 5th. on a track that was hard to overtake on. he can be absolutely insane when he wants to be. worry not gentle reader. 

in any case. also out in q1 was daniel ricciardo, valtteri bottas, zhou guanyu and esteban ocon.

and notably, williams, who was on fucking fire this weekend as we already saw, finished q1 with alex albon in second (ahead of oscar) and franco colapinto in 8th. pierre gasly had somehow managed to also get into 4th. and nico hulkenberg was in 7th with ollie bearman in 13th. i told you the mid field battle was heating the hell up. 

q2. everyone zoomed straight out of the gate. they didn't want to get lando norris’d. but, speaking of that, if lando managed to get no points in the race and charles managed to win, charles would overtake lando in the drivers championship. mark webber himself told this to charles, who was absolutely baffled. 

in any case, charles was kinda suffering right now and that was because he was not getting slipstream from carlos to make his lap faster. meanwhile, carlos seemed to be actively trying to give charles the slipstream because he came on radio to say “he keeps missing the tow” 

and amazingly, franco colapinto was 4 tenths AHEAD of alex albon. alex albon who had not been unqualified by his teammate once since the start of 2023. ex red bull driver alex albon. that alex albon. 

max topped the times in q2, followed immediately by charles. insanely, fernando alonso managed to drag the aston martin to fifth. and franco was right behind him in 6th. by comparison alex albon was in 10th. 

and from q2 we lost ollie bearman, yuki tsunoda (who has never qualified lower than 8th in baku), pierre gasly, nico hulkenberg and lance stroll. so yes, ollie bearman managed to outqualify nico hulkenberg. this is ollies second ever f1 race. 

steaming on forward to q3. 

we had, for review, in q3 the following: 

both ferraris, both red bulls, both mercedes, both WILLIAMS (has not happened since vegas 2023), plus fernando alonso and oscar piastri. 

right out the gate it was wild. 

“red bull! theyve re found their mojo! or have they!” karun said. red bull were in 5th and 6th and not entirely sucking for the moment. 

everyone did one flyer and then came out at the end for a second flyer. 

here were the standings: 

charles, carlos, oscar, george, checo, max, lewis, alex, franco, fernando

and everyone was making it to the line and all was going smooth until-

wait a second what is that

could it be! alex albon! with the air box fan still on his car! surely not!!!

oh but it was! and harry and karun were like oh wow so unfortunate for williams tisk tisk

meanwhile ted jumped on the radio to Loudly announce to everyone that this was insane and if i have time here i will put the rant he ranted cause it was Fantastic.

and what do you know i have time

so we had 3 minutes left qualifying and everyone was pulling out of the pits for their last flyer when oscar hopped on the radio to say

"the williams still has the air box fan in"

"oh what an error! disaster for williams!" karun and harry said. they speculated if the marshalls could get it or if the session needed to be red flagged. but alex threw the fan off the car.

and then they asked "ted have you ever seen that before?" and ted did not hold back:

"ITS A MASSIVE YELLOW FAN HOW COULD YOU MISS IT???!!! HOW COULD THE MECHANICS MISS IT???? I CANT BELIVE THEY WOULD MAKE SUCH A MISTAKE DOWN AT WILLIAMS! SUCH AN EXPERIENCED BUNCH OF GUYS AND GIRLS! WHAT IS GOING ON AT WILLIAMS OPERATIONALLY? HOW COULD YOU SEND A CAR OUT LIKE THAT?"

alex, obviously, got fined for an unsafe release 5k euros. he also had to throw the fan off to the side and got slightly covered in dry ice. he did not get to the a second flying lap. 

franco did tho!

and here were out qualifying results: 

p1: charles p2: oscar p3: carlos p4: checo p5: george p6: max p7: lewis p8: fernando p9: franco p10: alex  p11: ollie p12: yuki p13: pierre p14: nico p15: lance p16: daniel  p17: lando p18: valtteri p19: zhou p20: esteban 

oh ho ho but we werent done yet. because pierre gasly got disqualified from qualifying. for failing fuel flow regulations. and lewis was going to have to start from the pit lane for changing his power unit. 

everyone, and by everyone i mean oscar max and checo, pretty much said that charles was going to get pole no matter what, they knew this coming in and the best they were trying for was second

onto the race. 

notably, this is considered a checo track. this was one of the three races that max did not win last year. because checo won it. its a track that he does well on, evidenced by the fact that he qualified above max in qualifying. so people were expecting big things from him.

and so, we head into lap 1.

charles managed to hang onto the lead. checo passed carlos straight out of the gate for third and max managed to pass george to take fifth. lando had managed to get ahead of nico and up into 13th. notably, franco held onto 8th and ollie was able to hold onto tenth. 

someone who was not doing well was lance stroll, who came on the radio saying that he had a puncture. this was from contact with yuki. lance had to pit for fresh tires and was pretty immediately thrown to the back of the grid. 

by lap 2 lando had managed to get past daniel and was in 12th, he was trying to get past yuki next, which he managed by lap 3. yuki also lost a  spot to nico. 

also slaying in the mclaren was oscar, who took fastest lap. then charles took fastest lap.

and lewis hamilton, who had started from the pit lane, was up to 16th. already. somehow. though he was displeased with the tires, sayig that “this tire is pretty bad” over the radio. 

yuki meanwhile was clearly having a problem because he had started going very very slowly. thought the pit wall said that he had no problems. this would later turn out to be false but we will indulge them for the time being. 

franco was STILL ahead of alex albon on lap 6. STILL. 

lando on lap 8 managed to push his way into points positions, overtaking ollie bearman for 10th. though this was where things were about to slow down for him because in front of him were alex, franco and fernando, who were all very close together and would be hard to get past. 

george was back in bad luck hell as a plastic bag entered his airbox. will he ever catch a break. 

on lap 11 nico hulkenberg finally caught up with ollie bearman and passed him for 11th. 

and max’s car was not working. to potentially no one’s surprise. “i have zero bite in the car” he said. and this was probably true because checo was a whole 6.5 seconds ahead of him. insane gap. 

several pit stops later that i will not detail out because we simply do not have the time, alex albon ended up in 4th and lando ended up in fifth. and oscar was about to get undercut by checo. 

“mojo seems to be back for checo perez” harry said, correctly. 

mojo was back for him indeed. and now he was right behind lando. 

and if you will recall, according to mclaren themselves, priority at mclaren is the team first, then oscar, then lando. but oscar was ahead of lando. so what did mclaren do? 

they asked lando do hold up perez, but not compromise his own race. 

remever a long time ago when i said mclaren wouldn't have any internal drama this season? man how i was wrong.

lando managed to hold up perez for around a lap or two before he got past. this was crucial because this was during when oscar was in the pits. 

thanks to lando and the power of the papaya rules teamwork, oscar ended up coming out in 4th, only .706s ahead of checo. 

mclaren are working together everyone! mclaren are working together!

meanwhile, turns out that yuki did indeed have problems because he retired on lap 17 with a hole in his sidepod from the contact with lance on lap 1. this was now two races in a row where he had had to retire for reasons out of his control. 

several more people pitted. and eventually charles was back out in front, oscar was in p2. until he wasn't. no, he didn't dnf. he overtook charles! he was in p1! he popped out of nowhere! nowhere being 2 car lengths back and just flooring it to spring around charles like a little silly slinky! karun called it a “good, fair and robust defense,” which sounds like its descibing notes in wine. but this was not wine. this was the baku gp. and we were only half done. 

ollie bearman was defending against lewis hamilton, holding on tightly to 14th place. 

charles was still behind oscar and he could not get past, despite the fact that he was still very much in spitting distance. “they are pushing like crazy or they have more grip than us” he said. 

carlos got past both lando and alex albon and was up into 4th

this brought max up behind lando. max was on 11 lap old tires and lando was on 24 lap old tires. but lando still defended like hell and managed to hold onto sixth. max was 0.632 seconds behind lando on lap 25 when he said that “my brakes are not working.” this was hardly a surprise. max has hated the car since china.

also experiencing technical difficulties was sir lewis hamilton. he was stuck down in 14th and was first told to do “everything you can do to get the surface temp down” of the tires. he said “im trying” then several laps later on lap 29 he came on the radio to say “are you seeing how i have to drive this thing?” “yes,” bono, his engineer said. “quite effective though.” 

max was still half a second behind lando. mclaren faked a pit stop call over the radio to get max to pit. he did not. 

but, george russell did manage to pass him. which was “not good for max’s world champion aspirations.”

this was also when ted very bafflingly said that “if i had a sofa in the pit lane i would be jumping up and down on it” im not sure what that was in response to. 

meanwhile, ollie was still holding off sir lewis hamilton. and charles was trying to get oscar to pit again by lying over the radio. it was not working. 

lando did a pit stop finally and came out a whole 15 second behind max. he was hoping to catch max by the end of the race. but it might be tight. lets go last lap lando. 

“lando, imagine andrea on your shoulder saying ‘zero wheel spin’ in every exit,” lando’s race engineer said. if you're confused, everyone else was too. 

10 laps to go and here were the order of affairs:

oscar

+.449s charles +1.865s checo +2.989s carlos +16.530s george  +1.909s max +11.535s lando +9.715s fernando +2.589s alex +2.451s nico +4.667s franco +1.590s lewis +1.261s ollie +1.791s pierre +9.205s daniel +23.919s esteban  +.789s lance +3.862s valtteri +3.631s guanyu 

lando was determined. he took fastest lap on lap 43 and was 8.8s behind max

at this point, the leaders were starting to lap the cars in the back. “the back markers are starting to come up,” checo’s engineer said to him. “its going to get messy.”

“hold onto your hats and if you don't have one go get one and hold onto it” harry said. harry would turn out to be correct. 

we had the top 3 all running very close to eachother, that was oscar, charles and checo and “welcome to the party carlos sainz!” who was now 1.2 seconds behind checo in the four way battle for the lead.

definitely not leading was lance stroll, who retired on lap 47 with a brake problem. 

oscar managed to pull ahead of charles by 1.5 seconds, finally knocking him out of DRS range. so now it was a three way battle for second. and charles had “no rear tires. no rear tires at all.” 

and, just like i said he would, lando managed to pass max on lap 49. he was closing the gap slowly in the championship. 

“verstappen’s day goes from bad to worse,” harry said. because lando still had fastest lap, so he would score 3 more points than max. which is important if lando wants to beat max in the championship (though i think hes still like 60 points behind)

meanwhile! franco managed to pass nico hulkenberg for 10th! he was in the points!!!! at his second race!!! 

but this was short lived because there was a crash! a big smackeroo! between carlos and checo!! checo was mad, carlos didn't know what happened. 

what happened was that carlos was trying to pass checo but checo did not move over. it was deemed an equal fault accident. both of them were utterly confused at what happened and apparently spent 20 minutes in the medical center being utterly lost and aparently saying that sometimes this sport sucks. and! contrary to what several people said! checo did not bang on carlos’s helmet after the crash. 

the crash actually caused chef's dad to have a heart attack. he is stable now.

and well. this clip of george from the post qualifying interviews definitely didnt age well:

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but! since we were a matter of a few laps from the end, this meant that the rest of the race was finished under a virtual safety car. 

which meant 

OSCAR PIASTRI WINS THE AZERBAIJAN GP

and george inherited p3! 

and on his own merit too! no safety cars, no team orders, no weird shit! 

“yes!” he whispered over the radio. 

he almost fell getting out of the car, then gave us all the “one moment” hand gesture before properly celebrating. 

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he also got driver of the day! 

(this was marginally better than george russell, who said over the radio “i cant get any rubber (to pick up on his tires) all im getting is leaves”)

gunther steiner also hosted the post race interviews. which was interesting. 

george said that the most difficult part of the race was “driving full gas into a wall of carbon fiber on the penultimate lap…the vsc should have come out sooner” 

charles bashed ferrari because they didn't do any high fuel runs in practice. 

oscar was entirely pleased. “i managed to overtake and hold onto it for the next 35 laps..one of the better races of my career.” and honestly, oscar winning a race straight after mclaren basically announcing that he was their number 2 driver is nothing short of hilarious.

and! mclaren was now leading the constructors championship by 20 points! for the first time in ten years!!!!

the top three had a moment outside of the car that was filled with baffled: 

and oscar's engineer tom got to stand on the podium with him. he usually takes a selfie with oscar after each race he podiums at, but he was too excited to so george took this picture for them

(george also aparently demomished oscar in a game of uno on the plane, immediately humbling him)

george also shielded himself from the champagne on the podium

the cooldown room reacted to the crash in a very straight forward manner:

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and very quickly cause its midnight and the singapore gp starts in 8 hours, the post race, speed ran: 

-mark webber told off laura winter for thinking that oscar didn't have good tire management

-alex albon was “super happy, that's a lot of points for us” (williams finished in 7th and 8th). he cut his own interview short when ollie bearman arrived, saying “I can go, im happy to go” and then waving comically. 

-williams was so pleased with this result they blasted everyone with champagne. and they overtook alpine in the constructors championship! this was also their best race finish all season

-(and a quick note, if youre going to really blame logan for being that shit of a driver here, please remember that the car he was driving was several rounds of upgrades behind alex's pretty much the entire time he was driving it)

-ollie became the first driver to ever score points in his first two races for two different constructors because the double dnf pushed him up to 10th place. he said that there was not much difference between the haas and the ferrari, the ferrari was just red

-franco continued to charm everyone and flirt with the reporters. 

-they interviewed george and lewis and the camera had to be adjusted for george's height. it was comical and resulted in my favorite edit so far of the season (sound on)

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-lando looked pleased and happy for once. he said about holding off checo that “i didn't hold him up i just had to cool my tires a little.” he was delighted to be leading the constructors for the first time in ten years and he defended alex albon saying “i struggled to get past alex for a while, which is common, alex doesnt make mistakes.” he also ratted on max for going to fast during the VSC and said “i didn't complain, facts were stated.” and to sum it all up he said that “im executing things well, i’m very quick…i’m not going to be the happiest guy, but i am never the happiest guy….car is performing well everywhere…some red cars behind us seem to be our biggest competitors right now” 

-by comparison george insulted all of pirelli. the tire people. “pretty infuriating that it (the pace) changes this so much….its black magic, people who make the tires don't understand the tires…..for 20 laps we had a car not worthy of points and for 20 laps we had a car fighting for victory and the only difference is the tires.” 

-lewis was notably upset after the race and walked through the paddock with his helmet on, not wanting to talk to anyone. but he did talk to franco and ollie and congratulate them on a job well done defending against him and racing against him. franco even fangirled over this on his instagram. 

-charles was clearly upset with ferrari. he was so upset he posted a thirst trap.

-and oscar. oscar was very happy this afternoon. and his mom was there! she doesnt usually come cause it scares her, but nicole was there today! 

-mclaren celebrated with a hell of a lot of champagne. both oscar’s wina and lando’s insane recovery, and the fact that they were leading the championship. red bull have been dethroned, at least for now. 

-there was so much champagne that lando took off his socks to spray it. all seems well at mclaren. 

-at least one thing is for sure, oscar had a better time here this weekend than last year when he got food poisoning and only ate four pieces of toast

and with that. we head into singapore. quite literally as it is starting in a few hours. again, i apologixe about this post. its a little sad, but the next one will be better. pinkly promise. 

see you all soon!!!

[pixeechix21]

The Ritual

Reader x Slytherin boys (Matteo and Theo)

Summary: When the ritual begins, the dark gives light to desires that need to be satisfied. You are a Slytherin and there’s the initiation for Last Year students. Pansy begs you to go, but what makes you agree is because, the Slytherin boys were betting you wouldn’t because you're a goody two shoes. When you arrive at the bonfire in the Forbidden Forest you're teased by Matteo and Theo.

TW: where do I start??? degradation kink, praise kink, primal, threesome, rough, M/M/F, blood, fighting, oral, p in v, fear kink, being chased, almost suggestion of rape (didn’t happen phew), trapping(idk wt it means necessarily but like it makes sense), teasing

WC:2.8K ish

Heading towards the dungeons you were ready to take off your tie and huddle up, hidden away from them. Entering the high vaulted main room, you search for them making sure you're safe. Pansy shrieks excitedly as soon as you take a step further. She runs up and hugs, “bitch where the fuck have you been!” she takes hold of you and steers you to the large leather couches situated in an arc, full of giggling girls. “Hey, y/n,” a couple smile and continue gossiping in whispering voices. You let yourself curl up between Pansy and Oliva. 

“Yeah, Snape wanted me after class to talk about extra work,” you explain, trying to play it cool and that you definitely weren’t getting some from Gryffindor. 

“Boo! You overachiever,” Pansy teases. “So you going?” She looks eagerly. It takes you a moment to realize what she was asking.

“Ehhhhh-”

“For the love of god, you better be,” she threatens.

“But I have to study and honestly I don’t want to be out there freezing my ass off,” you complain. You wanted to go but you really did have work you hadn’t done any of the assignments for tomorrow.

“You won’t be freezing your ass off if someone’s grabbing it. Pleeease,” she grabs your arms giving you faux puppy dog eyes. “We can even leave. After midnight,” she negotiates. You’re unsure, you’re low key excited about the Ritual, but… your brain tries to reason.

“Yeah pleeease, I know someone that’d want to get some,” Matteo's voice mocks from behind us. Aw shit, the Heirs. 

“Shut up Matteo, go find a fourth year to play with,” you retaliate facing the group of boys. Each tall and darkly handsome each in their own right. 

"Aww don't say that you know i prefer third years," he mockingly puts a hand to his heart in hurting. "I was merely offering an option."

"Ew Matteo," you, Pansy and Liv say in unison, rolling your eyes. "Anyways she would go for a dick like you, she's got Simon from Ravenclaw to help" she points out completely forgetting that that was said in confidence and that he broke it off to pursue "true love" or some shit. 

"We all know Simon couldn't please you," Tom chirps in walking along, already bored of this child's play. You roll your eyes and face forward ignoring their laughs echoing down from the boy's dorms. 

"He's not wrong he has that rat out of a sewer vibe," Liv agrees watching as your face screws up in a smile as you agree. 

"I'll go," you finally say.

"Yes bitch!" Pansy squeals again, jumping up and running to your room. 

The ritual is a customary initiation for final year Slytherins. All the staff know about it but they don't have enough energy to deal with stopping it from happening. It happens on the last weekend of autumn term, where everyone drinks endlessly and there's always a game involved. Hunt or be hunted; separate the mundane from the ambitious. 

As soon as Snape is reported to be tucked away in his master room, the students slowly scuttle out of the dungeons like mice, out to the dark forest. 

Pansy is readjusting her tits to be pushed out further, you shake your head giggling. "Shut up you're blessed with amazing tits," she dismisses you pulling down your shirt to stop you from hiding yourself. "Show what your mama gave you babies." The cold encircles your body and the full moon lights the path into the forest. In the middle behind a tangle of trees there's a small clearing in the middle a large bonfire burns. You see a page flutter up in the flames, probably used old books instead of fire, you think. You're nervous, unsure of the darkness and the rowdy teens drinking. Pansy spotted her boy toy and she left the bottle in hand. You walk around talking to others, slowly warming up as the fire burns brighter. Then just as everyone settled down, there was a shouting announcing, “everyone shut the fuck up!” On top of a newly fallen tree stood Draco. 

“As you all know tonight is the sacred night of the Ritual!” Everyone lifts their drinks shouting in excitement. “Alright alright, tonight’s special game is Tag, boys versus girls, as we are gentlemen we’ll let the ladies have a head start.” He goes on mischievously. “The Forbidden Forest is filled with monstrous creatures, but don’t lose sight of the real dangers. Us.” There’s geering all around. You search for Pansy but she’s nowhere to be seen. Don’t be a pussy, a small voice tells you. Inhaling deeply you accept the consequences whatever they will be. It’s a game, and you’re the chestmaster you got this, you hype yourself out. 

“We’ll start in 10 minutes,” Tom shouts. Everyone spreads out, you head out to search for a route. “The winners will be given the honorary title of King and Queen of Slytherine, and will be placed as head girl and boy of Slytherine house.”

“You warmed up?” Matteo cuts you off, eyeing you up and down. “I can give you a hand. Get you ready,” he steps closer. You instinctively step back. 

“Where you off to little bunny, we haven’t said go,” Theo breathes out smoke. The pungent smoke fills your lungs as you suck in your breath. He’s directly behind you, sandwiching you in.

“Go fuck yourself,” you say snarkily. Your chest rising up and down, tits rising and falling out of your small shirt. Matteo’s dead eyes look down to your chest, and smiles slightly, running his tongue over his teeth. Like a wolf ready to eat. 

“Trust me, I’d rather you do it,” he says slowly, inching closer. Theo chuckles as you step back again, this time his large hands take hold of your waist to steady you. A small hum of agreement comes from him. 

“I’d fuck your dad before you,” you spit out glaring up at Matteo. Challenging him further.

“Ha! I never thought power would be what gets you hot and heavy y/n,” he teases.

You’ve had enough, there’s too much adrenaline and alcohol running through your body to the point you’ve lost all reasonability, because suddenly you’re getting extremely hot. There’s a stirring down between your legs as he grabs your chin so that you look up at him. Feeling both of their hands holding you there, you feel trapped, encircled and being toyed with. 

Draco is counting down to zero and you’re starting to anticipate your escape. “Be careful little bunny,” Matteo starts.

“Wouldn’t want a big bad wolf to catch you,” Theo finishes, flicking his cigarette away. As Draco shouts zero, they both step aside, a devilish smirk plastered on their faces. They watch you intently as you start to walk away backwards then you turn around and bolt it.

There’s screams and giggles of girls as we make our way through the dark forest. I don’t even want to be the head girl you think regretting coming, the comfortable thought of your books and studies sounds like a much better option. You’ve slowed your running shouting and giggles only  distant echoes now. “Run run, bunny,” a voice says. You stop spinning around trying to gauge where the voice came from. The silence chills you to your bones, and you go into a sprint again. There’s laughing all around. You want to barf from the heavy breathing and alcohol. You check behind you, “GOT YOU!” Caleb James shouts, scaring the living shit out of you as he jumps out and takes hold of you. “Look who it is, the slytherin heirs’ slut,” he jeers, his breath stinks as he talks closely to your face, you turn your head in disgust. “Bet you’ll open your legs for me,” he starts to manhandle you and you scream for help. Your wand had fallen to the floor when he caught you. “Shut up slut,” he shakes you vigorously. There’s a snap of a twig in the dark. He stops his movements. You try to break free. Two dark figures step out of the shadows, their black clothes like camouflage. You never thought you’d be happy to see them. One of them advances upon you guys, he raises his fist and punches Caleb. A splatter of blood falls on your face, you step back watching them. Matteo dodges a swing and gets him in the ribs. Theo goes from behind and holds Caleb in a lock, “don’t you ever fucking try that you mud blood,” Matteo growls as he lands punches mercilessly. “Let him go he’s mine,” Theo steps back and Matteo tackles him to the floor.

Caleb gets Matteo breaking blood, a small stream coursing on his face. “Stop! Teo stop you’re going to kill him!” You yell. “Stop him Theo!” You jerk your head to Theo who’s watching happily taking a drag from his cigarette. 

“No this is all him,” he chuckles. Matteo’s knuckles are covered in blood and the boy isn’t responding any more. Face swollen and already purpling. After a second of two, Theo pushes off the tree, “alright I’m bored. Get off Matteo,” Matteo grabs Caleb's shirt and pulls him close, he says something that you can’t hear and then pushes him down.

He looks up at you as he gets up. “You okay?” He says quietly. His breath is erratic, a wild excited look fills his dark eyes. “You didn’t have to do that,” you start.

“A thank you would be polite,” he says sarcastically, approaching you. You can smell the blood and mint and he exhales from his mouth. Without you realizing your hand goes up and swipes his split lip, wiping some blood away. Suddenly he stops you by your wrist mid air. He takes you in close. He towers over you, “thank you,” you whisper. You’re released and snap out of the trance. Theo offers his blunt, taking it you relax as the smoke cradles you. “You caught me,” you laugh, not sure how to process those brief seconds you were scared for your life. 

“What’s the prize?” Theo teases, raising an eyebrow. 

“Come here and I’ll give it to you,” you joke. Well you thought you were joking until his shadow blocks the light of the moon and his black eyes gleam cravingly. You pull his head down, he opens his mouth slightly. You kiss him. His hands wrap around you and his tongue dominates your mouth. Ravaging your lips. Wanting to play with them like they did you, you break apart he looks disappointed at this. You put the blunt to your lips and breathe, exhaling as you eye Matteo who’s looking jealous at the scene in front of him. “And you,” you direct at him. Already your panties are wet with the idea of having them both. At the same time. 

Pansy would laugh her ass off, you think humorously. 

He comes to you with his hands snaking to your ass as he pulls you in close. He licks his lips, his eyes hooded heavily in lust. His kiss was determined. He wanted to show you. Force you to see that he’s the one you need. Behind you you feel Theo press himself into your ass, already growing harder you feel his dick on your back making you gulp. Reaching for him you pull his face into your neck, obediently he places hurtful kisses and bites up and down it. Matteo’s hot body firmly pushes you to Theo. Matteo’s hand needs your tits, as Theo’s moves down in front to your panties, his cold hands play between your wetness. You moan as you're over-stimulated. Turning your face to take Theo’s lips and bite. A clash of teeth and tongue. “You’re so wet for us bunny,” he moans. Matteo distances himself and looks at you both. Staring. He gets turned on at the idea of you entangled in his best friend's hands. He envisions himself giving you unbearable pleasure. How it’s hard to restrain himself and take you all for himself. “Take it off. Now.” He crosses his arms glaring at you as you make eye contact with him. Theo breaks away. First your pants fall to the floor. Your nipple hardens evermore at the chill and pure neediness. “More,” Theo presses. Lifting your shirt over your head that joins your pants on the floor. Tantalizingly you undo your bra. Then look through your lashes as you take off your pink panties.

They inhale at the sight of your beautiful naked body, both of them on the edge of tearing you apart. Your skin buzzes excitedly as you get on your knees in front of them. Your mouth starts salivating at the thought of having them both. “Want us both?” Matteo provokes. You nod your head, your hands eager to undo their belts. 

“Greedy little bitch,” Theo takes your hair and pulls it harshly. Your clit is crying to be touched, throbbing painfully. You can’t take it anymore. An unspoken agreement went between the boys, Matteo took you and Theo stood and watched. You have no time to react as you're thrown down, you hear the jingle and zipper coming undone. His hand palms your ass bruising it, you feel him slide his large tip up and down your slit, pushing in slightly then pulling out. Sexual frustration builds in you so much that you press your ass to him. “Needy little whore,” he chuckles as he thrusts himself in. Your back arches as he unfurls his hatred for you. There is no gentleness in his thrusts, none. He takes his hand to your front and starts edging you to your orgasm. Circling fast then slowly, taking you almost to the top then lets you settle down. Over and over he plays these cruel games. Theo eyes flare up as you look at him, eyes half open as if drugged by the sex, mouth open, you pant and moan. 

“You sound so pretty,” he crouches down, clearing a loose strand of hair, tucking it delicately behind your ear. He kisses you then stands up taking off his belt. “Take this Matteo, give her a lesson or two about power,” he hands his belt to Teo. He releases his grip from you and snaps the belt. The loud snap echoes in the dark.

 The Ritual so sexual and forbidden, it inspires even the most demonic of creatures. 

Matteo lets the belt hit you once, twice, three times each time, stinging more than before. You’re going to hate sitting down tomorrow. Theo comes back into your sight, his hard cock begging to be released. 

“Open wide bunny,” Matteo commands, setting down the belt and going back to circling your clit feverishly. As you come opening your mouth to let out sounds of pleasure Theo thrusts his dick into your mouth. His hands steady your head as he face fucks you, “fuck you’re better than I’d ever imagined,” you see sweat build on his forehead. “Look at you, such a beautiful little whore,” he wipes the strands of hair that are plastered to your face. 

“Fuck- God y/n you feel like heaven,” Matteo brakes out, as his own fucking doesn’t slow. You're so full that you start to feel another build up, it’s too much. It’s just enough. It’s not enough. Delirium comes over you as you cunt throbs, and you can breathe. The boys’ moaning and animalistic fucking sounds like a symphony to you. You cry out as you come again losing all control of your body. Theo finishes and wipes his come from your lips and you lick them clean as told so. Matteo’s nails mark you as he finishes ruthlessly. 

All three of you are a mess. Theo offers you a hand to stand up as Matteo helps you dress, picking out leaves from your clothes. Both treating you like a queen. You are lost, and they guide you back. “We found her! The Queen of Slytherin!” Theo takes your hand and bows. You are absolutely bamboozled at the fact that there were students playing tag and that they’re all cheering not knowing what just happened. Pansy yelled happily and you just nodded, thanking people as you passed by and headed to bed.

Because God knows the pain you’ll be in tomorrow.

[tip-top-cloud-surfer]

To Be a Man - Hangman

Pairing: Hangman / Wife!OC (Sophie)

Word Count: 2.2k

This work, all my works, and my entire blog are 18+ Only

Warnings: Secret Marriage; Non-Traditional Family Dynamics; Mentioned Death of Minor OCs; Marriage of Convenience/Necessity; Mentions of Type 1 Diabetes; Third Person POV, Named OC kids and Wife, No Physical Descriptions of Any OCs

Summary: Hangman is married. And it’s no one else’s business.

Prologue Part 2 Part 3

Master List

A.N. Disclaimer - I don’t have Type 1 diabetes and so this is purely based off of a little research and what I’ve seen my friends with Type 1 do.

“You’re married!?”

Hangman turned around at the accusation to find the rest of the Daggers, save for Coyote, who he was talking to before they were so rudely interrupted, staring at him like he had grown a second head. He scoffed and rolled his eyes, not sure why it was any of their business.  

“Yeah, what’s it to you?”

“Who the hell are you married to?” Rooster asked, earning a condescending smirk from Hangman.

“My wife.”

“Well, no shit Sherlock.”

“Where’s your wedding ring then?” Payback questioned, leaning on the table to inspect Hangman’s left hand. “I’ve never seen you wear one around.”

“It’s on my dog tags, dipshits,” Hangman replied, pulling out the chain to show them, even though he didn’t have to do that. “That a crime?”

“Why do you flirt with other women then?” Bob inquired, sharing a look with Phoenix. “Two women gave you their numbers last night alone.”

“Did you see me calling either one of them?”

“Well . . . no, we didn’t, but—”

“—When did you get married?” Phoenix intervened, tilting her chin up and narrowing her eyes a bit. “And where is she?”

“Two years ago. And she’s driving here right now,” Hangman stated, checking his watch. Pulling out his phone, he looked up his wife’s location before turning back to the Daggers. “She’s about five minutes away, if you want to be specific.”

“She’s staying here with you?”

“For a while, yeah. Like anyone else’s spouse would,” Hangman retorted, getting a bit annoyed with all of the questions. “Why?”

“Well, we’ve got to meet Mrs. Seresin,” Rooster drawled, folding his arms across his chest. “Since we’ve heard so much about her.”

“Do you even have a picture of her?” Fanboy questioned, causing Hangman to shoot him an annoyed look.

“Yes.”

“Well, are you going to show it to us?”

“No,” Hangman snorted, shaking his head. “No, I’m not.”

The Daggers continued to list of questions that Hangman half-answered, half-gave bullshit responses, before Hangman spotted a familiar silver car rolling into the lot. Ignoring the Daggers, he set his drink down and got up from his seat, slipping around the railings on the back porch of the Hard Deck to greet his wife. Coyote was about to take a sip of his drink when he found five sets of eyes trained on him.

“I’m not telling you guys anything,” Coyote stated, shaking his head. “They’ll be here in five seconds.”

“So, you knew the whole time that Hangman was married?” Payback questioned, causing Coyote to nod in return. “And you never thought to mention that?”

“Not my business to tell.”

“Jake!” a shrill voice that definitely belonged to a little kid broke through the air.

The Daggers all quickly pivoted from Coyote to the boardwalk where a girl, probably around six, sprinted down the wooden path. Hangman picked up his pace and scooped her into his arms, lifting her off the ground effortlessly. And if the Daggers weren’t confused and befuddled before at Hangman’s personal life, they sure were now.

“He’s a dad!?”

“What the hell is he doing with a kid!? This is Hangman we’re talking about, right?”

“She called him Jake, dumbasses,” Phoenix pointed out, though she watched the interaction closely. “What kid calls their dad by their first name?”

Hangman kept walking with the girl in his arms, chatting excitedly with her. Then another kid, a boy probably three or four years old, jumped up onto the boardwalk and raced towards Hangman as well. The Daggers grew even more confused. Hangman leaned over and scooped him up like he weighed nothing, pressing a kiss to the side of the boy’s head.

A woman finally stepped out from in between two cars and pulled Jake in for a tight hug, which he tried to return as best he could with two kids in his arms. The Daggers watched their interaction like hawks but gave each other confused looks when the woman, who they presumed was Jake’s wife, pulled away with just a kiss pressed to his cheek.

“That’s his wife, right?” Rooster asked Coyote, who nodded. “They’re not that affectionate?”

“Maybe five strangers staring at them makes them a little uncomfortable,” Coyote suggested, taking a sip from his beer.

Hangman eventually led his family to the back of the Hard Deck, dreading the conversation that awaited him. Jake’s wife glanced up at the Daggers, who were clearly waiting for them, before turning to Jake. Nudging him gently with her hip, she jerked her head in the direction of his squad.

“Did you tell them anything?”

“Nope,” Jake replied, shaking his head. “Not a single thing.”

The family of four made their way up to the back deck. Setting Leila on the ground and taking her hand as they walked up the stairs, Hangman finally turned to face the stunned and even more curious Daggers. Leila hid a bit behind his leg, always a bit shy around strangers, but he rested a hand on her shoulder to remind her that he was there and that it was all alright.

“Everyone, this is my family. Family, these are the Daggers,” Hangman introduced, half-assed, earning an immediate poke in the side from his wife. Gritting his teeth slightly, Hangman restarted. “Daggers, this is Leila and this is Tyler and this is my wife, Sophie”

After Hangman introduced her, Sophie waved politely in greeting to the Daggers, who awkwardly waved back to her. Withholding an eyeroll, Hangman started on the introductions in the other direction.

“Guys, that’s Bob, Phoenix, Rooster, Fanboy, Payback, and you already know Coyote,” Hangman listed off, pointing at each Dagger as he spoke.

“Javy!” Leila called, running over to greet him.

“Hey, Firecracker,” Coyote joked, picking Leila up and setting her on the stool that Hangman had been sitting on before.

From there, the awkwardness slowly dissipated. Very slowly, but it did dissipate just a bit. Leila and Tyler were running around on the back deck, laughing and stretching their legs after the long car ride down from Lemoore. Hangman had switched his beer for a water and returned from inside the bar with a drink for his wife, whose order he knew from heart.

They were in the middle of a conversation, though Hangman thought that it was bordering on an interrogation with some of the other Daggers when Sophie’s phone started to buzz with a weird ringtone. In an instant, Jake turned to where Leila and Tyler were playing.

“Tyler, come over here,” he called, causing them to stop.

Hangman picked up his wife’s phone and tapped it, causing Tyler to pout. Tyler begrudgingly trudged over to where Jake and Sophie were sitting and Jake quickly scooped him up and sat him on his lap. Meanwhile, Sophie had been rifling around in her purse, pulling out a separate bag.

“Fruit snacks or the granola bar?” his wife asked Tyler, holding out both items.

Tyler quickly leaned over and grabbed the fruit snacks before turning around to hand them to Hangman. Taking them without hesitation or delay, Hangman ripped the package open and poured the fruit snacks into his hand for Tyler, who started to slowly eat them one by one. The other Daggers seemed a bit confused, though Bob instantly recognized the situation.

“He’s Type 1?” Bob guessed, causing Sophie to nod sadly.

“Yes, he is,” she replied, checking her phone again. She showed Jake her screen, causing him to encourage Tyler to eat the remaining fruit snacks in his hand, before turning back to Bob. “You know someone with Type 1?”

“No, my dad has Type 2. My sister has the same set up on her phone,” Bob explained, causing Jake’s wife to nod slowly.

Tyler seemed a bit upset, though resigned to his situation, but Hangman did his best to try and make it enjoyable for him. Teasing Tyler for his choice in fruit snacks, hiding them and pretending to find them in random spots, and other very un-Hangman-like actions that caused most of the Daggers to grow even more confused at the situation, Hangman blocked all of that out and just focused on Tyler.

“Alright, just hang on for a second, bud,” Jake told Tyler, who clearly wanted to play again.

After they were sure that Tyler’s glucose levels were stable, Hangman set Tyler back on his own two feet. Leila, who had been chatting loudly with Coyote and Fanboy, let out a shriek and started to run after her brother again as if nothing had happened to disturb them in the first place.

“How long have you known that he has it?” Rooster asked, watching Leila and Tyler play.

“About two years now,” Sophie explained, folding her arms underneath her as she rested them on the picnic table. “He was only a couple months old when his doctor suspected something. Took some time to get an official diagnosis.”

“He doesn’t seem to let it get him down,” Payback commented, watching Tyler laugh and run around Coyote.

“No, he doesn’t,” Sophie replied with a soft smile. “He’s like my sister.”

“Your sister has Type 1 too?”

“No . . . she didn’t,” Sophie stated softly, her tone earning a few confused looks.

“Leila and Tyler are her niece and nephew,” Hangman supplied, gently resting the outside of his thigh against his wife’s own to remind her that he was there for her.

“My sister and her husband died a few years ago,” Sophie continued quietly, shifting a bit in her seat. “I got custody after they passed and after Jake and I got married, he adopted them.”

And suddenly all of the pieces were starting to fall into place.

Leila eventually came running over, asking if they could go down to the beach. Sophie got up to take them down herself, not trusting two kids who grew up in desert territory to know anything about ocean water safety. And when they were gone, all eyes fell on Hangman. After a long, drawn out sigh, he slowly narrowed his eyes at his squad mates.

“If any of you fuckers even think about going to the brass about it,” Hangman vowed, pointing menacingly over at the gathered Daggers.

“Dude, no one here is looking to take insulin from a little kid,” Fanboy stated quietly.

It wasn’t exactly uncommon for service members to get married for the benefits. And hell, you would have had to have been a completely selfish, heartless, brown-nosing government lapdog to try and get someone in trouble for making sure that a kid with a treatable condition lived happily without bankrupting his family.

“How did you meet your wife then? You knew her before the kids’ parents died?”

“Yeah. We were in a long term . . . situation-ship at the time,” Hangman recalled, earning familiar looks from his teammates. “And she told me that it was a lot to handle and she didn’t expect me to hang around, especially because I was deployed at the time. I came back home to visit her and saw how stressed she looked—she was crying, Tyler was still in the hospital at that point, Leila was barely talking . . .” Jake trailed off, a dark expression coming over his face. “I didn’t think. I just told her to marry me and I’d get it figured out. And I did. They live up with me in Lemoore now.”

“And you guys have an open relationship?” Rooster guessed, earning a sharp glare from Hangman immediately.

“No,” Jake replied bluntly.

“Not even a little?” Rooster asked, alluding to Hangman’s flirtatious personality.

“No,” Hangman stated, folding his arms in front of him. “We’re not.”

“But you’re not in love, are you?”

“That’s complicated,” Jake responded, loosening his posture a bit sheepishly.

“Yes, they are,” Coyote called back, earning a look from Hangman.

“Yes, they are what?” Sophie called out, strolling forward with Leila and a soaked Tyler beside her.

“What happened?” Jake asked, standing up from the table.

“Leila thought that it would be funny to push her brother into the ocean,” Sophie returned, shooting her niece a look. “She thought wrong.”

“He kept pulling on me!” Leila whined, stomping her foot on the ground. “I told him to stop! And he didn’t listen!”

“Well, that’s no reason to try to drown him. Go, sit on the bench right there. Now,” she ordered, causing Leila to huff but follow her order.

“I’ll take him,” Jake offered, walking forward to grab a soaked Tyler from his spot next to Sophie. “Come on, Ty, let’s get you dry.”

Jake reached out his hand for the keys, which his wife handed over without even a look in his direction. It was that smooth, that natural. Jake held Tyler, who had started to shiver despite the warmth, in his arms, not caring in the slightest that some of the ocean water was now soaking his own clothes. Coyote seemed rather amused at the shocked expressions on his teammate’s faces, which Jake blatantly ignored as he strolled away.

“What?” Sophie asked, spotting their confused expressions.

“Nothing,” they all echoed back to her.

Prologue Part 2 Part 3

[wrenreid]

Hands-on Learning

synopsis: Spencer Reid’s best friend pays him a visit in DC. She meets his coworkers and they spend quality time together while she’s in town. But their friendly dynamic changes with he asks her a question she was not expecting. (season 2 glasses reid)

word count: 4k

content: 18+ MDNI, oral (f receive), penetration

Spencer has been begging me to come visit him again since the last time I was in D.C. six months ago. And I won't admit it to him, but I've been dying to see him again so much it physically pains me. Going six months without seeing your best friend is the worst feeling in the world, but I'd take the emotional turmoil any day because it's for him.

And I suppose he's worth sitting on this plane, lodged between a sleeping old woman and a man who has gotten up to pee ten times since take off. I must really love him because I'm only an hour into this five hour flight.

Spencer and I met when we were 18. I'd just started my freshman year at CalTech and was in an advanced class with a bunch of 22 year olds. My eye caught his immediately. He was the only person my age in the lecture hall.

I sat next to him and told him my name. I knew I had to make him my friend because he was the only other freshman in the class.

Or so I thought. I didn't know until a month into our friendship that he was indeed not a freshman, and he was taking the class for fun while he worked on his second PhD. A small part of me hated him that instant, but I had already fallen into the Spencer Reid charm. I couldn't get rid of him, no matter how hard I tried (which was not very hard at all.)

We became close pretty fast. Almost every moment we weren't in separate classes, we were together. I was pretty much his only friend and he was the first person I met in uni, and probably the only one to accept me a hundred percent as I was. Being so far from home was hard, and he made it worth it.

Usually we'd do homework or watch scary movies in his single dorm room, which I totally took advantage of. I'd spend the night with him instead of my over-sharing roommate who thought I needed to know every detail about her and her long relationship with her boyfriend Kyle, specifically the phone sex. TMI.

My other friends would joke about how we were in love, but the truth is, we weren't. Not in that way at least. He was my best friend, and I was his. We were there for every big moment in each other's lives.

Well, not every big moment. Spencer was not invited when I finally lost my virginity during spring break of freshman year. But he was there when the guy I'd hooked up with broke my heart. And he bought me ice cream and told me stupid facts until my lips broke into a smile.

I was there when he got his second and third PhDs far quicker than any graduate student should. And he was there when I graduated with my masters in psychology and cognitive science.

"You're a nerd too," Spencer said, his voice teasing as he bumped my shoulder. "You can admit it now that we're done with this place."

I told him to shut up, but a wide grin was plastered on my face. We'd made it through the highs and lows of college together.

However, that grin was soon replaced with tears. Spencer had gotten a job offer with the Behavioral Analysis Unit at the FBI headquarters in Quantico, Virginia. He was going to the academy, and I was starting my research job. He was going to the east coast, and I was staying in California.

"You're leaving me," I said through tears, knowing me guilt tripping him was wrong. But I needed him to stay.

"I'm leaving California, not you," he said, his eyebrows knit together with worry. I could tell it was eating up at him, but I couldn't stop hating the situation. Losing my best friend was the absolute last thing I wanted.

The day he left, I drove him to the Las Vegas airport after he said goodbye to his mom. I didn't help him get his bags, instead I stood there moping. As I watched my best friend walk away, I realized I needed to be happy for him. He was excited about this opportunity, and my bitchiness was ruining that for him.

It wasn't romantic movie-esk the way I ran after him. It was more of an anxiety filled scene where snot ran down my face as I chased him down. Honestly, I probably looked like a stalker.

"Spencer," I breathed out, looking up at him.

He smiled softly. "I knew you wouldn't let me leave without giving me a proper goodbye," he teased.

I shouldn't have taught him teasing and sarcasm. It's bitten me in the ass so many times.

I wrapped my arms around him, ignoring his comment. My face pressed against his chest as his arms held me close. My eyes were closed and I steadied my breathing. Even though he was going what seemed like a million miles away, he'd always be my best friend.

And that's stayed true even three years later. We've kicked this long distance shit in the ass. Of course, we don't talk as much as we'd like, but we still talk. And whenever he can, he visits me in LA after seeing his mom, or I take a visit to the nation's capital just to see my favorite FBI agent.

——

"Every time I see you, you look different," I say with a chuckle as Spencer helps me get my bags into his guest room.

"Is that a bad thing?" He questions, eyebrows furrowed.

"Take it as you will," I say, plopping down on his couch.

He joins me shortly after. He really does look different. He's gained some weight, changed his style up just a little, his hair is parted at the side almost neatly, and he's finally wearing glasses again. Except these ones are far different from the ones he wore in college. These ones are kind of hot, but I won't tell him that because I can't feed the genius's ego any more.

"So," I say, wiggling my eyebrows. "Tell me about your girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend," Spencer says, his cheeks already turning pink.

I roll my eyes. "Tomato, tomahto."

"Y/n," he warns.

"Fine, fine. Topic for another time. Don't forget, I'm here all week, Dr. Reid," I flash him a grin.

He sighs dramatically, rolling his eyes.

"You know you've missed me," I say, leaning my head on his shoulder.

He shakes his head, but a small smile creeps up onto his lips. He's missed me. But rather than admitting that he asks, "What would you like to do tonight?"

"Food. What's the best restaurant in the city?"

"The best or my favorite?" He asks. "Because they're different."

"Your favorite," I request, a soft smile on my face.

Spencer nods. "Alright. I'll let you nap off the plane drowsiness, then we'll have dinner."

The smile on my face grows wider. He knows me so well.

After my way-longer-than-I-intended nap, we get ready for dinner. I don't dress up fancy because Spencer has seen me at my worst, drunk, crying, and throwing up.

That was the one time I've ever seen him drink. I drug him to a party that we both ended up hating. We left early and instead bought our own liquor. He'd just turned 21, and I used that to my advantage.

Spencer and I ended up drunk in his dorm room. Surprisingly, he handled his alcohol much better than I did. I got wasted and threw up in his sink before making it to his toilet to repeat the action. He held my hair back as tears streamed down my face from the burning in my throat. Then, he threw up from the sight of me vomiting. It was not our finest moment.

"Ready to go?" Spencer asks, coming into the restroom where I'm touching up my makeup.

"Sure am, doc."

The dinner is amazing. He catches me up on all things BAU cases before asking me how my promotion has been, which is, in simple words, pretty damn great.

——

"Oh you're not Spencer," says a way too handsome black man as I open the apartment door.

"Nope. I'd like to think I'm prettier," I joke.

"Yes, you are," he flashes me a smile.

The footsteps behind me halt. "Don't even think about it, Morgan," Spencer says, a warning tone present in his voice.

The man in front of me holds his hands up in defense, the charming smile still on his face.

"This is Morgan? You did not describe him this hot," I turn to my best friend.

He glares at me. "You also don't even think about it."

I laugh softly and offer my hand out to Derek.

"Y/n. Nice to finally meet you."

His firm grip shakes my hand. "So you're the competition I have as Reid's best friend."

"In the flesh," I grin. "And it's no competition. I've got years on you."

"Ooh she's bold. I like her," he says.

I haven't had the opportunity to meet all of Spencer's coworkers because of both of our busy schedules and us making sure to spend every second together while I visit. I've met his boss one time and friend JJ. I liked them. I know enough about everyone from Spencer's stories to know that he's in good hands.

"Did you need something?" Spencer asks his friend.

"Oh right. Yeah I was just going to see if you wanted to come out with us, but I see you are occupied," Morgan says, looking to me.

"Go out where?" I ask, not letting Spencer respond.

"Bar. To drink and play games."

"That sounds fun! We'll be there," I say.

Spencer fake coughs behind me, and I turn to my best friend. He gives me a look.

"C'mon, Spence. It'll be fun. I want to get to know your team."

He can't say no to me. "Fine. But let's not stay out too long, okay? You know you can't handle your alcohol."

"Hey, I've grown up since college," I chuckle.

——

“Have you two ever...?" Spencer's gorgeous dark haired friend asks me as she takes a swig from her glass. She cuts her eyes to Spencer, then back to me.

He's currently at the bar with Morgan who's attempting to flirt with the pretty bartender.

"What? No! God no," I laugh, shaking my head.

"Hm," Emily hums. "I just thought I sensed something."

"Nope. He's my best friend. Why mess with that?" I smile softly.

"So you've thought about it?" She's nosy. I can't blame her, I am too.

"No," I answer.

That's the first lie I've told to Spencer's friends. Of course I've thought about it. I don't think anyone has been friends with an attractive person without thinking about what would happen if the relationship dynamic changed. My best friend's kind of hot. I know that. Before we were close, I debated on asking him out. But we're just friends. We're best friends. And nothing is going to change that.

I get to know Spencer's friends a little more, get slightly tipsy, and start a game of darts with Morgan.

After he beats me, not by much I'd like to add, we're just about to start a rematch, but a hand touches my back lightly. I turn around to face Spencer, and a soft smile creeps up onto my lips.

"What's up?" I ask.

"Can we head back? It's getting late," he asks, checking his watch.

I nod, brushing my hair behind my face. "Sure, but tell Morgan I totally could've beaten him in a rematch."

Spencer laughs softly. "She could've," he says to Derek behind me who rolls his dark brown eyes.

"Getting old, doc?" I ask Spencer as we walk to his car. He's 99% sober, so he drives us back to his apartment.

I sit in the passenger's seat, hands folded in my lap. My eyes are on him.

"Hm?"

"Why'd we leave so early?"

"10:30 is when the guys in the bar start getting drunker and handsy. I didn't want you to get dragged into some asshole's grasp while dancing," he explains.

"Oh," I nod. "I can handle myself, you know that right? Just because you're a big federal agent now doesn't mean I need you to protect me." My voice is thorough, but a small smile is on my lips anyway.

"Just returning the favor, Y/n," Spencer says. He knows I protected him all throughout our shared college days.

My cute going-out clothes have begun to get uncomfortable. I unclasp my bra, keeping my somewhat sexy shirt on and slip it off from underneath the blouse, letting it fall to Spencer's floorboard.

"Much better," I breathe out an exasperated sigh.

He's silent in his seat, eyes on the road. I see his hands grip the steering wheel a little harder.

"I missed you a lot," I say honestly. Usually I'm not one to say what I'm feeling or be mushy gushy, but the two shots of tequila have opened me up.

His eyes flick to me, his lips formed in a soft smile. His face is being lit up by the passing cars' headlights. I can see how sharp his cheekbones are, his jawline.  "I thought you were heartless."

"I take back my previous statement."

"I missed you too," Spencer says.

"Of course you did, I'm a delight," I gloat.

The sound of his soft laughter fills the air. It pulls on the strings in my chest.

"How is it possible that I leave in three days already?"

"Shh," he shakes his head, eyes still on the road ahead of him. "Don't mention that right now." Spencer's hand pats my knee before squeezing it comfortingly.

——

"I have a question," Spencer says, coming into his room where I'm currently laying on his bed, reading a book I grabbed off one of his many shelves.

I look up from the page I'm on. He looks nervous, cheeks red, his hands fiddling with themselves.

"Hit me," I say.

He sits down at the edge of the bed. "I don't really know how to ask this... It's a weird question. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, and..."

"Spit it out, Spencer,” I eye him.

"Could you... would you tell me how to please someone. Specifically a woman. During sex."

A huffed laugh releases from me, and his cheeks burn redder. I think I'm blushing too. "What?"

"I'm sorry. That was weird. Forget I said-" he starts softly.

"Have you never...?"

Spencer shakes his head.

I didn't really think he had, but I didn't ever expect him to tell me when or if he lost his virginity anyway. He's reserved, even with me with some things.

"Wait," I sit up straighter. "Is this about your girlfriend?"

"Not my girlfriend," Spencer corrects me. "But yeah. We have a date the night you leave, and I think she's going to expect it. I mean, this is our fourth date."

"Well, if you don't want to have sex, don't have sex," I say sternly.

"It's not that I don't. It's just that I've never done it. I don't know what to do. I've read, and I'm good at anatomy. But what if I'm bad at the physicality of it all?" He presses his lips together, his teeth gnawing on the inside of his bottom lip.

"I don't really know how to explain it," I chuckle nervously. The blood is rushed to my cheeks, they're probably scarlet. "It just kind of happens."

"I shouldn't have asked," Spencer says.

"No, it's just that... like with anything, practice helps people get good sex," I tell him.

He looks up at me, his eyes asking what his lips won't. I feel my heart pounding against my chest, faster than usual.

"Do you want me to... show you?" I ask. He has always preferred hands-on learning.

"Would you?"

I nod slowly, hesitantly.

He moves toward me slowly, hesitantly.

"Kiss me," I tell him, hoping this won't get too weird.

Spencer and I have been best friends for years, we're extremely close, but this may bring us too close. This could ruin everything, but for some reason, I can't stop it.

He presses his lips to mine gently, his hand cupping my face. My eyes flutter closed. I reciprocate the kiss, and it's a lot easier than I imagined. Not that I've entirely imagined it.

My hands trail up his arms slowly. He's gained muscle. I guess that's a part of his FBI agent glow up. His tongue roams my mouth, and I'm pleasantly surprised by how good of a kisser he is.

He pulls away after a few minutes. He's breathing heavy. "Are you sure this is okay?"

I nod, then lean in to kiss him again but he leans back.

"Say it."

"It's okay, Spencer," I tell him. This time he lets me kiss him again.

I lay down, my back against his bed. He hovers above me, his hand on my waist now as he kisses me. He's good at this, and that thought comes to my mind again as his lips suck on my neck.

"Keep doing that," I whine softly.

He obliges and nibbles my skin gently. "Is this okay?" He whispers.

"Mhm," I noise.

I let him take the lead for now, do what he's comfortable with so far. His hand trails up a little further. I tell him he can touch me, and he does, though hesitantly at first. His fingertips graze against my breast before he finally gets comfortable enough to take hold of it through my shirt. He squeezes then pinches my nipple. He knows more than he lead on.

A soft moan releases from my mouth, my back arches just a little. His hand slips beneath my shirt, his warm touch on my belly. Spencer takes ahold of my shirt then lifts it up. I help him take it off me. I'm completely bare hips and above since I wasn't wearing a bra anyway. His eyes widen a little, and he smiles softly.

"Stop staring at me," I laugh a little.

"We're about to have sex and I can't look at you?"

I roll my eyes. "Let's just continue."

Spencer nods. "What do you want me to do?”

"Well, most women like to do other stuff before actually getting into the sex. Penetration alone doesn't do it for most of us," I tell him.

"You included?"

"Me included."

"What do you like?" He asks.

"What are you comfortable with? Do you have any ideas?"

Spencer thinks for a moment. "I want to learn how to-I want to give you... oral."

I burst into a laugh. "Spence, never say oral to a woman. Just say head."

"Head. Noted," he nods.

He's adorable when he's nervous and nerdy. Which is pretty much always.

"Kiss me first. Anywhere," I tell him.

He chooses the soft flesh of my stomach. I smile down at him. I reach down, pushing down my shorts, my underwear too. I'm growing needy.

Spencer slips them the rest of the way down and tosses them down to the ground. After slipping off his glasses, he kisses the inside of my thigh. God, I need him to do something right now.

His big hands push my thighs apart. Then he pauses. The clocks in his brain turn.

I feel like he's just about to call this whole thing off, but then I'm hit with a shock of pleasure. His tongue licks in between my folds.

“You’re really wet,” he says, more like an observation that a tease. Then he attacks my clit with his lips after taking a second to find it. Fuck. He definitely knows more about sex than I was led to believe.

Spencer's fingers leave marks on the inside of my thighs as he grips onto them. His lips suck on my clit, tongue flicking back and forth often too.

Soft moans spill from my lips. I'm trying to be quiet. I shouldn't be enjoying this as much as I am.

The sudden shock of Spencer's mouth removing from my clit makes me whine in protest, but his fingers sliding inside me make up for it.

I groan, my head leaning back into the pillows.

“Do you like this?”

I bite my lip, “Mhm. Curl your fingers.”

He does as he’s told.

When Spencer both fingers my cunt and sucks on my clit, I'm a moaning mess. "Holy fuck, Spencer," I whine. My legs are shaking within minutes, and even though he's still sloppy and new at this, my body loves it. My hands grip into his hair.

"Just like that, Spencer. So good."

A loud moan rings out from me as I finish. I couldn't even warn Spencer before my release pours from me.

My breaths are heavy and loud. Spencer pulls away, looking up at my eyes.

"Was that okay?" His breathing is heavy too.

"No," I say. "Spencer that was fucking amazing. You've seriously never done that before?"

He shakes his head.

"Wow."

"Told you, I'm good at anatomy," he smiles bashfully.

"Take your pants off," I command. "I want you inside of me."

I find a condom in my purse as he shrugs his clothes off. I sit up and find myself staring at his bulge with wide eyes. He's bigger than I expected. Not like huge to where it's unnatural, but big enough that I will probably need a minute to adjust once he's in me.

I tell him to lay down, and he does. He's a good boy. I like it.

I help him get the condom on, then swing a leg over his lap so that I'm straddling him. "Are you ready?" I ask him, my hand holding his face gently.

He takes a second, processing that he’s about to lose his virginity. Probably freaking out a lottle that it’s to me. “Yes ma'am," Spencer nods.

"Just a gentlemen," I grin.

I lower myself onto him, and once he's inside me, I do need a minute to adjust. Moans come from both of us, and I love the sounds we make together.

"Fuck," he groans, his voice raspy. He repeats my name over and over as I start to roll my hips.

"Oh my god." My eyes shut, and I bite my lip to keep me quiet.

"Don't do that," Spencer tells me. "I want to hear it."

I give him what he wants. I bounce up and down on him, his length hitting me in the right spot every time.

Both of our sounds fill the room. Spencer holds my hips down, stopping me.

"Wha-?"

"I want to do it," he says softly. "Please."

"Do what you want with me, doctor," I tell him, nodding.

He flips our positions, and he's on top of me. Spencer's lips crash into mine as he enters me again.

I bite his lip, causing both of us to moan into each other's mouths.

Spencer doesn't last much longer since it's his first time, but I don't even mind. He rubs my clit until I come again, and I feel I'm floating.

We lay on his bed, heavy breaths morphing together. "I think you're going to blow her mind, doctor Reid," I chuckle softly.

"Who's?"

"You're girlfriend that's not your girlfriend," I say, eyebrows furrowed.

"Oh, right. I don't think I'm going on that date. Okay, actually I canceled that date when you got here."

"What?" I chuckle, confused.

"There's no date,” he says, point blank.

"Did you just trick me into sleeping with you?" My eyebrows are still furrowed, but I'm smiling.

He presses his lips together. "Well, if you put it that way... I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"No, no. I admire the hustle, doc," I laugh softly, my fingertips circling on his bare chest.

Men and women can be purely platonic friends, no romantic feelings involved. But maybe Spencer and I aren’t that type of friends after all.

tags: @shakespear-picaso-lovechild @kylakins88 @jazzerbelle14 @cynbx @yazzyu @regulus-black-223048 @virginmusicloverr36 @sebs-oxygen @jolotta @booktvmoviefangirl @nevielei @pauline5525mgg @necromaniackat @r3idsp3ncer

[italoniponic]

𝓑𝓲𝓽𝓼 𝓸𝓯 𝓒𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓻𝔂 - mini-project

Runaway Shrimp

Notes: this is based on a very fun request I made with Malleus, Leona and Azul where Reader accidentally confessed their feelings to them and instead of facing them and waiting for a reply, they just… “bolts” (as the Anon said lol). So then @gilswifey asked if I could do a part 2 with Jade and I thought, huh why not? 

Jade Leech x g!n reader who runs really fast / headcanons / fluff & comedy / part 2 / use of “you” pronouns

“Our house will be a mushroom farm like this…,” you blurted out. It was a big mistake on your part, considering that the alchemy workshop was so empty that your voice projected better than ever, and above all, Jade had enviable hearing. Especially because he was right next to you. So much so that he took his eyes off the poisonous mushroom he had in hand just to face you;

There were no great excuses to be made, no means of deflecting the subject. The implication that you imagined living together with Jade in the future — and the awareness that the constant presence of mushrooms would be inevitable — was right there, heading for more things. More clear that this would have been to have asked for his hand at that moment;

But you chickened out. Well, you never intended to let him find out your feelings, let alone reveal them in this way. Jade still stared at you for another minute, his heterochromatic eyes going from wide in surprise to slowly relaxing into gentle amusement — mostly from your expression of horror — when…;

... you ran away. Few things really impressed Jade in seventeen years of life, being two years of earthly experience. He could be fascinated by various things, develop curiosity about human habits, and wanting to know different things without further ado. But that was the day he was most taken aback by things. And all this is your work;

You ran out of the workshop faster than a flock of sardines when they spotted a monster whale. Jade congratulated your speed — even though you were out of sight to hear it. Calmly, he got up, put away his newest mushroom in a terrarium and made a little call;

From the point where you were, you had two directions: the outskirts of the Ramshackle or some point near the library, near Main Street. That’s considering you were running in a straight line. A third option would be the Hall of Mirrors region. The Leech’s aquatic predator ability aside, you personally had the advantage of knowing how to run really fast. But Jade had an idea that would save him time;

You thought you were out of danger. Your legs had carried you to the other side of the school, somewhere in the woods near the library. Not a sign of Jade following you. You leaned against a tree to catch your breath, but the fatigue wasn't all that was making you feel bad. It was a mixture of guilt and a certain disappointment that you were really alone after all;

Not for long though. Someone took you in their arms by surprise, putting a frightening distance between you and the ground. When you turned around and saw turquoise hair, you even thought it was Jade... but Floyd’s laugh totally broke your expectations;

“I see you’ve managed to catch a runaway shrimp for me, Floyd. What a good brother you are,” Jade smiled when he met the two of you. Floyd carried you in his arms to the courtyard of the Botanical Garden and dropped you into the arms of his twin — the game was good while it lasted. Floyd had mentioned that Jade would spear him from eating the test shiitake dishes if he looked for you in one area of the school while his brother went in the other side;

A master plan, you had to admit. Although there was still the problem that you had nowhere else to run and hide — not with Jade carefully holding you in his own arms, purposefully not giving you that opportunity anymore;

“I personally don’t understand why you ran away like that. It’s not like your feelings aren’t reciprocated,” Jade said gently. It caught you off guard. The feeling was so clear on your face that the merman had a little chuckle. Jade had a docile smile, something very uncommon to see — especially for how sincere it was. But the truth was that he always had that one smile when you were around him.

| Special notes: not very necessary to the story but I imagine that Floyd was still there when they solved things up and he's like "oh for Ursula, get a room you two! gross! this? right in front of the school facility for everyone to see? disgusting, I'm telling mom" :P while they only smiled to each other bc he's that type of supportive brother lmao |

[percervall]

Mamma mia, here I go again {pt8}

Summary: A summer of poor decisions leads you to having to face the consequences of your actions —and the men involved. Pairing: Kevin Magnussen x fem!reader, Lewis Hamilton x fem!reader, Mark Webber x fem!reader Warnings: angst, descriptions of a crash, mentions of religious trauma Word count: 1246 Taglist: @ashy-kit @averagef1fansblog @barcelonaloverf1life @bradfordbantams @dannyramirezwife-simpaccount@doofenshmirtzevil-inc @exotic-iris13 @goldsainz @iloveneteyam @jaypreshpresh @laura-naruto-fan1998 @monzamash @norrisleclercf1 @opheliaas-stuff @roseseraj @szobosz @topguncultleader@vellicora @ystrolllll 

Part 8 of the Mamma Mia series

After Japan, you operate on auto-pilot, the days all blurring into one. At work, your colleagues leave you be, however, your best friend sees right through you, especially after you cancel on her for a third day in a row. So Jasmine does what any best friend would do: she lets herself into your apartment with the key you had given her, only to find you curled up on the couch, staring into space as the sun sets, drowning you in twilight. She forces you to get changed out of your work clothes while she puts the kettle on.

“Talk to me. This is not like you,” Jasmine says, putting a mug in front of you.

“I don’t even know where to start..” you mumble.

“Start with what’s got you so heartbroken that you’ve become a recluse,” Jasmine offers. You shrug, feeling another wave of tears threatening to spill.

“I broke my own heart. I should never have agreed to their plan,” you say. You tell her all about the last couple of weeks, about the dates they had been taking you on. About how you tried so very hard to not fall in love.

“But I did. I fell harder than I think I ever have.”

“How does that lead to you breaking your own heart? Shouldn’t you be over the moon and disgustingly in love with your man?” Jasmine asks you.

“How can I be happy when I love all three of them?” you throw out, a sob wrecking through your body as you bury your face in your hands, “I am such a greedy whore for wanting all of them,” you whisper.

“No. Stop that right now,” Jasmine says, moving her chair next to yours and pulling you against her chest.

“Sometimes I really curse your parents for the religious trauma they subjected you to. Babe, we’ve talked about this. There is nothing wrong with being a slut or a whore, as you put it, as long as it is your choice to be called that term. Nothing wrong with a little consensual degradation in the bedroom. But loving more than one person does not make you a whore. It makes you polyamorous,” Jasmine responds, rubbing a hand down your back. 

“P-poly-what now?” you ask as you look up at her.

“Polyamorous. Oh babe, for someone with a double master’s degree, you really are clueless sometimes. It means someone who’s in a relationship with more than one person at a time. It just means you love differently than the heteronormative norm.”  

You’re quiet for a moment, letting your friend’s words sink in. She’s hit the nail on the head with her comment about your parents. You went no contact years ago, but your religious upbringing sometimes still haunts you even now that you’re an adult and no longer believe in the church as an institution. A tiny spark of hope flickers alive in your heart at the knowledge that there is a world in which you don’t have to choose between them, before it gets squashed by the realisation that you might have burnt that bridge before you even got to cross it. 

“What if it’s too late?’ you voice your biggest worry out loud, “What if they don’t want me anymore?” 

“Unfortunately there is only one way to find out. You gotta talk to them.”

Jasmine made it seem so easy, but finding the time to do so is proving difficult during the next race weekend. Due to the sprint race, the weekend is even busier than normal. By the time Sunday comes around you are convinced it won’t happen. Kevin seems to be avoiding you —and you can’t blame him for that—, Lewis is busy preparing for two races, and Mark is filming for Channel4. You throw yourself into your work, trying your hardest not to think about how your chest constricts every time you catch a glimpse of any of them on the screens in the garage. It’s not until Sunday’s race has well and truly started that you can’t use work as an excuse anymore. The latest bits of sim data have already been analysed so you really have no reason to stay in your office. You hide away in the back of the garage, out of sight for most of the cameras but you have a clear view on the screen with the F1 world feed. Your chest feels tight with anxiety for this race; the heat has been brutal for everyone involved and the tyre management put in place by Pirelli doesn’t fill you with confidence either. 

The first 30 or so laps go by relatively smoothly, but just as you allow yourself to exhale for the first time in what feels like an hour, things go horribly, horribly wrong. Logically you know the whole thing won’t have lasted for much longer than several minutes, but it feels like everything slows down as you watch one of the RedBulls collide into Lewis’ car while trying to overtake in the straight between corners 15 and 16, sending the latter spinning into the barrier on the right before getting bounced to the other side of the track like a ping pong ball before it comes to standstill against the wall. The RedBull tries to correct its own course but can’t help losing control again and sends the Haas that was behind them into the gravel where something seems to snap from the back of the car, causing the driver to lose complete control and slamming sideways into the barriers. Miraculously, the RedBull remains on the track, although it’s obvious the car has some major front wing damage, and makes it into the pitlane without much of a fuss. You keep watching the screen breathlessly, hoping for any signs of movement while you vaguely hear Lewis’ engineer ask Lewis if he’s okay. Instead of confirmation, it remains quiet. Your chest feels too tight to catch your breath as panic claws its way up your throat when you realise that the Haas currently in the barriers is Kevin. Ripping your headset off, you make your way outside and into the pitlane. Air, you need air. Leaning against the wall, you inhale deeply, trying to use the breathing techniques from yoga to calm down. They’re gone, your brain very unhelpfully supplies and you cover your mouth with a hand to stifle the scream that’s threatening to come out. You hear someone talking to you but the words don’t register as his body blocks you from view. Looking up, you see Mark’s concerned face looking back at you and the realisation that Lewis and Kev got hurt hits you all over again. A sob wrecks through you as your knees buckle.

“I’ve got you,” Mark murmurs, pulling your body against his. “They’re gone and I-.. I will never get to tell them-.. Mark-..” you sob into his chest. Mark rubs a hand down your back, letting you cry into his shirt as he tries to sooth you. You thought the heartache you felt after Suzuka was bad, but nothing could have prepared you for this. You can’t breathe, can’t think; the only thought going through your head is how this baby will never get to see their dads, how you lost the loves of your life and that you will never even get the chance to tell them that, how it’s all your fault. And that thought rips you apart all over again.

For maximum emotional damage, may I suggest playing Gracie Abrams' Cedar on loop while reading this? Because that song broke me

@curiousthyme this chapter would not be what it is without you, so thank you

Please let me know what you think. Your comments, tags and likes mean the world to me 💜

[slafkovskys]

can we get something on jimmy telling scottie he’s staying in minnesota for another year?

if you want!!

jimmy’s watching her dart around their bedroom, the sounds of ryan yelling at someone over a video game trailing down the hall when he just blurts out, “do you want to live together next year?”

scottie freezes, ryan’s sweatshirt half folded in her hands as her eyes drift to the man on the bed, “what are you talking about, jimmy?”

“next year, do you want to live together?” he repeats his question and she only looks more confused, “you can- you can say no-”

“jimmy, i can’t go to st. louis right now-”

“no, here,” jimmy says and scottie tilts her head to the side, “with ryan and me.”

“ryan and- shut the fuck up,” the sweatshirt falls into a pile in her suitcase as her hands cover her mouth, “you- are you staying?”

“i’m staying,” he confirms and she lets out a squeal, jumping over the mess of dirty laundry she needed to do before she left for atlanta to tackle him on the bed. he chuckles as her arms wrap around his neck, “one more year baby.”

“one more year.”

“what’d i miss?” ryan pokes his head in the doorway and the two look towards their third with big grins plastered on their faces, “did you win the lottery?”

scottie’s cheeks burn, “kind of.”

“i asked if she wanted to life with us again next year,” jimmy says, letting his hands slide down the girl’s hips and squeeze at her thighs, “after, what? eight months, i thought it was about time.”

“that’s how you broke the news that you were staying, by asking her to move in?” ryan questions as he crosses the room and falls onto the bed beside them. scottie leans over and presses a quick kiss to his lips, “did you say yes?”

“i didn’t really have a chance,” she admits, “i never thought about how you never asked me to move in. i just kind of came to get away one night and never left.”

“that was our master plan, larsson. step one, get you away from your shitty roommate. step two, fall in love.”

she grins, “there definitely should have been more steps in between one and two.”

jimmy chuckles, tucking the girl into his chest, “we never said that it was a well thought out, plan.”

[echo-goes-mmm]

Silas and Wren #10

Masterpost

Previous

Next

Warnings: Off-screen child abuse, implied past non-con, slavery

“Mama?” 

Willow bit her lip, scrubbing away the stain on Master’s shirt. “Yeah, baby?”

“When will I get my mark?”

“Mark?” She could barely stand to look at him anymore.

“Like yours.” he tapped her left hand. “Ev’ry one else got one.” She swallowed hard, and wiped the sweat off her forehead. He was getting so big now.

“You’ll grow into it. All slaves do.”

___________________

She heard the screaming from across the courtyard. The urge to run and snatch her baby boy away from the branders was almost too much to bear. But she grit her teeth and dug her nails into her palms. 

Wren was seven, now. The brand had to be fully healed before he could be sold.

They carried him to her shortly, his little body trembling with sobs. They shoved him into her arms, and left.

“You lied to me,” he wept. He burrowed into her chest.

“I’m sorry,” she said, helpless. “I didn’t want to scare you.” 

Wren was her third child. It never got easier. He tugged on the gauze around his hand.

“Don’t scratch.”

“Why do they hurt us? It’s not fair.”

“Oh baby,” she sighed. “Fairness is for the Masters. We’re different. That’s just how it is.”

“Why?” Willow rocked back and forth.

“Slaves are just made to serve, baby. We’re meant for different things in life. Like how a dog can never be a wolf. They might look the same, but they’re not. Okay?”

“‘Kay,” he sniffed.

___________________

“Willow, Master wants you in his office.”

She hurried upstairs, dread pooling in her gut. Secretly she wished Wren had gotten an infection, just to have him a little longer.

“Sit down.”

She sat in the chair across from Master.

“The boy is healed, correct?” She wanted to yell at him. Wren was his child too; it wasn’t right he didn’t bother to learn his name.

“Yes, Master.”

“Good. He’ll be sold next week. I suggest you say your goodbyes.” Next week?

“He’s only eight, Master. Can’t he stay another year or two?”

Master frowned at her. “Out of the question.”

Tears formed at the corners of her eyes, but she refused to wipe them away. He should see the mess he made. His own son, sold away at eight. It was abnormal, children weren’t sold so young.

Master wanted him gone because Wren was his and everyone knew it.

“Don’t get hysterical, Willow. I’ll tell you what,” he sighed, “Pick the position for him to be sold under. Will that make you feel better?”

It was a one-time offer, a generous deal she couldn’t pass up.

“Kitchen work.”

“Very well. You’re dismissed.”

It was an easy decision. There would be plenty of opportunities to steal scraps and pick at leftovers, and the work would help him grow strong without breaking his back.

One last thing she could do for her child.

She just hoped Wren would stay in the kitchens.

___________________

“Mom?”

“Yeah, baby?” They stood at the front of the house, waiting for the wagon.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Am I going to see you again?”

It was too much. Willow got down on her knees, pulling Wren into a tight hug.

“No. I’m so sorry.”

“Oh.” He began to cry, and her heart broke. She was so stupid. She thought Master would let him be, that maybe Wren would be different to him.

“Just be good, okay? Look at me.” She wiped away his tears, and he looked at her with his big brown eyes. “Promise me you won’t cause trouble. Just do your duty and everything will be okay. Promise me.”

“I promise.”

taglist: @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @secretwhumplair @freefallingup13 @mylovelyme @whumpzone @paintedpigeon1 @haro-whumps @whumpthisway @fanastyfinder @extemporary-whump @susiequaz12 @keepingwhumpwiththekardashians @the-cyrulik @morning-star-whump @writereleaserepeat

[lilacwhimss]

CAREERS LEGACY CHALLENGE — A STORY BASED LEGACY

hello! this is my new legacy challenge based off of sims 4 careers!!! it started with me creating a new save and needing a place to organize my ideas, and it became this 10 generations legacy! this has a lot of room for storytelling and developing your own stories, but it also has gameplay focused rules! your sims all have some background detailing for you to comprehend why they want to follow that career! i hope you all enjoy this! if you give it a chance, post and tag me! i also have more generations being planned, but they’ll be extra gens ;)

GENERAL RULES + GUIDELINES:

all required rules have to be completed before moving to the next gen

rules that have a * are optional!

a few cheats are allowed, but try not to overuse them. only in gen. 1, you’ll be allowed to use freerealestate, bb.enablefreebuild, money cheats and university cheats. for the rest of the gens, you can use cas.fulleditmode for other sims, live edit/debug cheats for decorating your house and you can use UI cheats if your game broke to complete aspiration milestones

you must join the careers from each generation, and you also have to reach level 10 of them, even if it requires extra skills (i think this is kinda implied)

i tried my best to make this mod-free, but gen 3 has a modded aspiration. i did give an unmodded alternative, though!

mods and cc are super incentivized!!!

i split the rules into main rules and plot rules. the plot rules are fully optional, but it'll give you some background for your generations!

colors are also optional! i just enjoy playing with them.

PACKS REQUIRED:

EP: all of them (up to For Rent) but Eco Lifestyle and Get to Work.

GP: Spa day, Dine out, Realm of Magic, Outdoor Retreat

SP: Paranormal, Crystal creations, Tiny living, Nifty knitting, Backyard

— 🪻

let's get started!

gen 1: law (judge).

colors: orange & green

—

since you were a kid, you strived for the best. you lived with your mother and her spouse, no sight of your dad. growing up, you had a fiery personality, which lead you to make a single friend in your entire life. you always wanted to be the best at everything, and help people get justice. you discovered that doing yoga kept you in check. all was going well: you were going to the university you always wanted, opening the path to your dream along with your best friend, until they died. how will you navigate life now?

TRAITS & ASPIRATION:

overachiever, hot headed, generous

academic

MAIN RULES:

max research & debate skill

max wellness skill

max a third skill of your choice

always take one elective that has nothing in common with your major

you have to major in history

you must live in a student dorm in your first term.

PLOT RULES:

have only a single friend prior to joining uni (you can cheat this if you want to start the gen as a young adult)

that friend has to die (be creative!)

create a club with your roommates and go out every week*

marry someone that goes to the rival university

have at least one kid and a max. of 3 kids

have a close family dynamic with everyone initially

at some point during the heir’s teen years, modify the family relationship to difficult, but only with the heir. this is important for the next gen.

gen 2: restaurant owner.

colors: pink & purple

—

you definitely had a white picket life growing up, with dancing and cooking being your favorite family activities. your parents were amazing, kind and caring — until you said that you wouldn't attend university. your relationship with them strained, so as soon as you aged, you packed up and moved to Mt. Komorebi with the last savings you had. you had enough to buy/rent a place, but was that enough to get to your dream of opening a restaurant? how will you get money? and, most importantly: how will you deal with your parents?

TRAITS & ASPIRATION:

foodie, dance machine, loner.

master chef

MAIN RULES:

max cooking skill

max dancing skill

max skiing skill*

must move out as soon as your sim ages up to a young adult

work as a babysitter in your teen years to get money

gain at least 4 stars on your restaurant

PLOT RULES:

don't attend uni

when you move out, become a part time barista until you get enough money to buy a restaurant (i recommend building it beforehand to see how much you’ll need to get)

marry an adventurous sim

see your parents once a year

have only one kid and have the supportive family dynamic with them as they grow up.

gen 3: paranormal investigator

colors: black & white

—

you were a lonely kid growing up in the snowy mountains. no siblings, no friends, just you and snowboarding. you always felt like something was watching over you. your parents always supported you, even when you chose to move out and follow what your grandparents wished for. you rented out a place, and weird things started happening around. will you find out what's going on?

TRAITS:

genius, geek and unflirty.

renaissance sim (no mods)/ paranormal proficiency (mod)

MAIN RULES:

max medium skill

max snowboarding skill

must attend uni (you choose the major)

must live in a haunted house lo throughout your life

befriend bonehilda

no kid limit

PLOT RULES

join/create a ghost hunters club

marry someone who is also a freelance paranormal investigator

always own a cat and a dog

gain the coffee fanatic and the close knit lifestyle

successfully plead for someone's life at least once*

gen 4: conservationist (marine biologist)

colors: blue & yellow

—

your parents always told you supernatural stories, entertaining you with possibilities of hidden things all over this world, ranging from ghosts to werewolves. mermaids were always the ones that marveled you, and made you want to learn more. your parents never denied the existence of all of those things — but they never confirmed it either. you decide to settle that yourself, and there's only one way to approach it: by moving to sulani. you buy a small home by the beach, get a job and start researching. one day, you come across some weird type of kelp. what will you do with it?

TRAITS & ASPIRATION:

child of the ocean, ambitious, loves the outdoors

beach life

MAIN RULES:

max fishing skill

max herbalism skill*

max gardening skill

complete the fish collection (if you don't have all packs, it's fine. complete the collection with the packs you own)

also complete the seashell collection

become a mermaid

explore everything in sulani

live on a lot with the volcano activity challenge

PLOT RULES:

always participate in the island festivals

live on a tiny home in a beach lot (that has an ocean part)

marry a human

only have one kid and they must be human (cheat your way into not raising a mermaid)

gain the outdoorsy lifestyle

live on a lot with the simple living challenge*

gen 5: stylist (style influencer)

colors: white & brown (or clean girl-esque colors)

—

you grew up by the beach, always in contact with all sorts of people with different clothing styles that always made you want to learn more about them. you remember going on a trip with your grandparents to a bigger city once, and you were amazed by the hustle and bustle, the different people. you knew you wanted to live there, but you also didn't want to leave sulani behind. will you leave, or will you stay?

TRAITS & ASPIRATION:

loyal, high maintenance and dog lover

friend of the world

MAIN RULES:

max charisma skill

max fitness skill

max wellness skill*

join the stylist branch in the style influencer career

sell at least 5 outfits on trendi

PLOT RULES:

marry a non-committal sim

move to san sequoia, but visit sulani every weekend

have at least two kids with that sim

always own a dog

gain the close knit + frequent traveler lifestyle

divorce your spouse after the second kid

marry your best friend

gen 6: farmer + horse racer

colors: orange & teal

—

you knew your parent loved the city, but that life just wasn't for you. your dad didn't see you a lot — and you knew he never wanted to have you. inspired by your grandparents gardening lessons, you decide to live the city behind and move to the countryside. your parent is disappointed, wanting to be with you for everything in your life, but your step parent supports you a lot. initially, you only planned on living your life, raising plants and chickens. but you stumble upon a horse, and you bond with it. will you adopt it?

TRAITS & ASPIRATION:

animal enthusiast, self assured and neat

country caretaker

MAIN RULES:

max horse riding skill

max gardening skill

max all your horse’s skills

get at least to level 3 of knitting skill

move to Henford-on-Bagley

win the ultimate horse championship

PLOT RULES:

have at least three chickens, one cow, three bunnies, one mini goat and one mini sheep

complete at least one help needed quest from the townies every week

win at least once in every fair (crops, chickens, etc)

live on a lot with the simple living challenge

name all of your animals after food

gain the adrenaline seeker lifestyle

have max friendship with all of your animals*

marry another horse champion (rivals to lovers would be a good option)

have at least two kids

gen 7: acting

colors: black & red

—

you loved watching movies and soap operas in that old, grainy TV your parents had on their farm. you knew you wanted to participate in those, and you yearned for that type of attention. you auditioned a lot as a kid, but would always get rejected, until you eventually found out they ruled you out because you were a bumpkin. angry, you moved away from henford-on-bagley all the way to Del Sol Valley. you decided you needed a fresh start, away from your roots. but will you manage to completely avoid them?

TRAITS & ASPIRATION:

squeamish, ambitious, good

world famous celebrity

MAIN RULES:

max acting skill

max singing skill*

max media production skill

reach pristine reputation

become a global superstar

get ( at least) to the following perks: established name, star treatment, fan favorite and lifestyle brand

PLOT RULES:

gain the health food nut and the frequent traveler lifestyle

move to del sol valley as a teen and live there your entire life

marry another celebrity

have only one child

host charity events at least once a season

you can fall down to a neutral reputation if you decide to get your sim to come clean about their identity

gen 8: jeweler

colors: blue & purple

—

your parents were celebrities, so you were constantly put into the spotlight. you just wanted to read and daydream about crystals and jewels. you constantly had to run away from paparazzi, and you made it to the news by fighting them publicly. that got your parents very angry, and they sent you away to live with your grandparents in henford-on-bagley. you make a lot of animal friends there, and widely explore the world, searching for crystals and metals. one day, someone offers you a getaway from all of the human world: the magic realm. you accept it, but you must return to del sol valley and tell your parents. how will you do it?

TRAITS & ASPIRATION:

creative, perfectionist and outgoing

crystal crafter

MAIN RULES:

max gemology skill

max a second skill of your choice

become a spellcaster

reach rank 6 - virtuoso

learn all spells and potions

get at least 12 perks, and the insightful eye trait is required

complete the crystals and metals collections (if you don't have all packs, it's fine. complete the collection with the packs you own)

PLOT RULES:

befriend all sages

give all sims their respective jewelry pieces (ie: the mystical ring for morgyn ember, the mystical bracelet for the charm family and judith ward’s bling necklace)

craft every jewelry piece + all crystals (with only one type of crystal/metal each i’m not that cruel)

own at least one crystal tree

make at least one piece of jewelry with jet

marry a human OR perform the rite of dissolution after reaching rank 6

have more than one kid, but the heir must be human

gen 9: landlord

colors: yellow & green

—

you had weird books lying around your house, written in a language you couldn’t understand. your parents never cared to explain why, and you never really asked. you had no idea what you wanted to do in life — you just knew you wanted to be rich. after a quick research, you decided to be a landlord. yes, everyone hated landlords, but you just wanted money. when you told that to your parents, they gave you a harsh stare, but said nothing. your grandparents congratulated you, though. so, after a quick business class, you buy your first property. now you just have to… do everything. renew it. you realize it isn’t going to be that easy, and you’re too prideful to ask for money. will you give up, or will you start from the bottom?

TRAITS & ASPIRATION:

materialistic, self assured and ambitious

five star property owner

MAIN RULES:

max photography skill

max mischief skill

max a third skill of your choice

complete the tassels and the marbles collection

own at least one rental property your home world and one in another world

PLOT RULES:

live in brindleton bay

start from the bottom with your rental, but you have to get to a five star rating

marry one of your tenants

host a potluck every weekend and a pool party every summer

have a good relationship with all of your tenants but have a bad relationship with your parents

gain the people person and the energetic lifestyle

you must have twins and let the wheel decide which one will be the heir

hold a grudge against one of your parents

gen 10: veterinarian

colors: pink & white

—

you grew up by the water, surrounded by stray animals you always desperately wanted to have. your parents never allowed you to, leaving you to care for them in secret, spending your pocket money on food for them. you always nurtured this love and compassion for animals, wishing to help them all. you go into university, looking for a biology degree to follow your dream of becoming a vet. your parents don't really care about what you do, as long as you bring money to the table. so what will they say once you state that you'll be opening a vet clinic by yourself?

TRAITS & ASPIRATION:

generous, proper and socially awkward

friend of the animals

MAIN RULES:

max veterinarian skill

max pet training skill

buy and/or renew a vet clinic

get a 5 star clinic rating

always own at least one dog after becoming a young adult

you have to attend university and major in biology

complete the feathers collection

PLOT RULES:

marry one of your clients that has a cat

always feed the birds

have max friendship with at least 5 cats and 5 dogs

never choose mean interactions with pets

join/create a pet lover’s club with weekly meetings in your house

have at least two top tier employees

your vet clinic can be in any world, but you must live there

go camping at least twice in your life

[goldenavenger02]

Prompt: the rest of the ninja finding out about Cole and Geo's relationship. Fluff.

It is a LITTLE angsty. Just a little. I hope you enjoy

When Cole arrived in the courtyard with no warning, Kai wasn’t sure he had ever run faster.

Well, he was sure that he had run faster in stressful situations, but he hadn’t hugged Cole in so long; he was just glad that it felt the same, it felt warm and strong and safe. 

He didn’t want to let go, it had been years since he had seen him but he also knew that the same was true of Lloyd and Zane so he found himself letting go just a few moments later to let everyone else get their fill of hugs in.

Even Wyldfyre, who acted like a feral being towards everyone new and old, was even interested in Cole’s arrival to the point of asking multiple questions about the place Nya had said that she found him, The Land of Lost Things.

Kai didn’t miss the solemn, almost sad look on his face as he spoke about where he had ended up after The Merge. A look he hadn’t seen in years, not since Shintaro.

But the look faded when the subject was changed to Lloyd explaining how the Mergequakes were stopped and everything returned to the happy, bubbly energy that had filled the monastery since Kai had returned.

And as Cole came into his room hours later and laid on the mostly clean floor, Kai was baffled by how everything felt so close to normal, to how it had been after they had defeated the Crystal King.

All that was missing was Jay lounging in the bean bag chair in the corner and playing some sort of Sonic game, only responding to every third sentence and being thoroughly confused when they laughed at his lack of context.

“Has Lloyd started acting as stuffy as Master Wu yet?”

“Nah. He tried to keep the whole monastery in order and broke a bunch of plates in the process.”

“Anger issues?”

“Nah, they fell out of the sink,” Cole’s laugh was infectious and filled Kai’s chest to the point where it hurt long after it faded into giggles that punctured his next sentence, “he’s doing his best, but he’s still Lloyd.”

“That’s good, I think,” Cole mused before sitting up and looking directly into Kai’s eyes, “do you still make edibles and hide them under your bed?”

“Even if I did,” Kai started, smiling as the famous incident of everyone taking his brownies that were just meant for when the long nights got too long and resulting in him simultaneously getting banned from the kitchen unless there was his mother’s or one of Zane’s cookbooks involved came to mind, “there’s that dragon, Riyu. He’ll eat them and either be high off of his ass or vomit on my bed.”

“He’s eaten your edibles before?”

“He’s eaten so many things that he shouldn’t and for some reason, my bed has to be where he gets rid of it,” Kai corrected before laying back down, “do you still have that bottle of fireball in your room?”

“That shit has to be rancid by now, it was opened before the Merge,” Cole shook his head, also laying back down and staring at the ceiling, “I suppose I could always go and get more tomorrow though.”

“We’re a bit old to hide edibles and alcohol in our rooms, I think. Lloyd’s even old enough to drink now.”

“Remind me to take the kid to a bar and make sure he’s not taking straight shots of vodka.”

“Noted.” Kai agreed, even if the idea of Lloyd drinking forced him to slip into the protective role he was so used to when it came to the green ninja.

“Besides, even if Lloyd’s old enough to drink, Sora, Arin and the feral one, they’re still kids. Not to mention the dragon who pukes in your bed.”

“Her name is Wyldfyre, and that was actually way different for her, since she’s usually trying to light things on fire or prove she’s the best. She was raised by a dragon, manners aren’t exactly her thing.”

“She sounds a lot like you.”

“I wasn’t raised by a dragon.”

“No, you were raised by yourself, which might be worse.”

Kai threw a pillow at Cole’s face; the pillow he threw back knocked him onto the floor tailbone first.

“Ouch.”

“You good?”

“Yep, just a sore ass,” Kai confirmed as he maneuvered onto his back and laid next to Cole, the sounds of their breathing filling the silence, “Nya told us when she got back, about the Finders.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, the Formling and the Hypnobri kids, and the Munce and the Skulkin who are our age,” Kai could have sworn that he saw a blush spread across Cole’s face at the mention of the Munce, “do you wanna tell me about them?”

“Fritz, the Formling, reminds me a lot of Lloyd when he was a kid. Adventurous, kind and pokes his nose where it doesn’t belong. Spitz is much more reserved and shy, but loves playing with Fritz and gets himself into trouble a lot because of it. Bonzal…well, I’ve known her for years, but she isn’t very forthcoming. She’s got a great sense of humor though, crochets a lot of blankets and also collects bones.”

“Why?”

“Whenever you ask, she just says they’re extremely useful; but, she wouldn’t hurt a fly so I’m not worried about it.”

“Okay,” Kai nodded while trying to get back on topic, but when he asked “what about the Munce?” he was able to guess why Cole’s cheeks flushed at the mention even before he started speaking.

“Geo. He’s the elemental master of fusion, he turns lost things into these large art sculptures. He’s good with the boys, he makes sure that they’re always taken care of, no matter what. He’s the only one who can get Bonzal to say more than a few sentences. He’s so caring, and funny and…he might be one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.”

“He sounds great,” Kai agreed with a nod before asking, “so, why didn’t you bring them with you? Because the monastery is big-”

“It wasn’t a space issue. First Master, I wish it was a space issue,” Cole’s voice filling with tears made Kai’s heart pang with regret, “whenever they tried to leave, this fog would engulf them and lead them back. They had been forgotten for so long that they couldn’t leave. I only left because I thought I heard Master Wu…but it just led me here.”

Kai reached over and pulled Cole into a hug; he had needed the hug when he finally returned, but given how he tucked his head against his shoulder, he knew that it was Cole who needed a hug now.

They stayed like that until Cole finally spoke again, the sobs evident in his voice as he kept his face pressed against Kai’s shoulder.

“I…I miss them so much.”

“Hey,” Kai finally spoke and cupped a hand around Cole’s face to brush a few tears off of his cheeks, “we found Nya, we found Zane and we found you. We’ll get the others out of there and we’ll find Jay, PIXAL and Master Wu.”

��I know,” Cole agreed, taking in a shuddering breath while wiping his face on his sleeve, “it’s just really gonna suck until we do.”

[scalproie]

kfp4 is literally fine. idk why everyone is so mixed about it

that being said I do have some gripes with it like: the anachronistic names like steve and larry did piss me off bc it broke the immersion SO HARD for me. I dont remember it being such a problem before

Kai and Shen were distracting. Them being here with no narrative importance was obviously going to make people go "hey why dont they do more/have literally no lines?" rather than "oh look it's Kai and Shen! All the previous villains are here!", like I genuinely wouldve been fine if we just saw the chameleon transform into them or them not being here at all. It shouldve just been about kung fu masters which neither Kai nor Shen are. Genuinely only Tai Lung shouldve shown up.

Speaking of him, LOVED Tai Lung's inclusion, his scenes were great and I'm glad we got him back even for a bit. BUT. he was underutilized as hell. Like obv I wasnt expecting him to have a major role or to end up the new dragon warrior (like many people thought/hoped would happen for some reason? Guys it wouldnt have been satisfying) or even to have a scene with Shifu (like if THAT does happen, it needs a bigger focus and obv the movie was not going to be about that)... but I think he shouldve had longer scenes with Po. And unlike the other two main villains, he does have potential narrative importance: the movie is about the dragon warrior title itself again like the first movie (second was about Po himself, third was about chi as a whole/the panda village), and Tai Lung does embody the mastery of physical strength, which is what the chameleon is after. So yeah, while I dont want him to steal the spotlight more than he does anyway, I still think he couldve been used for more than just for a few snarky comments, and I'm a bit sad if this really is the last we'll see of him but also yknow, glad we got Just A Bit more. His very first and last scenes were sweet tho, him finally calling Po dragon warrior was nice (as long as I dont think too much about it tho lmao)

Anyway

The 5 not being present is such a non-issue for me. I love them sooo much DO NOT get me wrong but like genuinely, what would they have added to the story? How would you have worked them into it without breaking everything? I do not get why them not being here was such a deal-breaker for so many people bc you wanna argue they were well-utilized in kfp3? I'd rather the story focus on Po and another new character than trying to juggle the 5 into it, and besides, we got an explanation for why theyre missing (even if a little on the nose) so im not asking for more.

Anyway I'm gonna wait a few years before people calm down and realize kfp4 is literally fine, even good dare I say, because I remember how it was when kfp3 came out in 2016.

And speaking of kfp3, it has it easy bc "The Kung Fu Panda Trilogy" sounds nice and people just put it alongside the masterpieces that were kfp1 and kfp2 even tho, in my honest opinion, kfp4 is better, is funnier (the humor is on par with kfp2's even), has a similar pacing anyway, and the chameleon is a better villain than Kai byyyeee