#i do not miss dialup

[skankhunt44]

This was back when you had two web pages open, MySpace, and MSN.

Your emo song lyrics as your status, trying to become the alpha emo. You always took a selfie from above. Times were wild brah.

Then there was dialup internet... it was the worst sound. Also if anyone picked up the phone, you were fucked.

It was a time. That most of you weren't alive...

[fooltofancy]

the universe heard i had a headache and was like may i interest you in a long string of eas activations in this trying time

[quinloki]

The more I hear about you, the more I love you (in a not creepy way) 💓 you're a super cool person and I think you're my idol ❤️

xD <3 Thank you ^_^

Ah, to be fair, a lot of stuff I did was really risky. Like, it's a bit amazing I'm here levels of stupid.

I won't get into details, but I totally met A Stranger From The Internet when I was like... 13? 14? The WWW was a little more than chat rooms and dialup connections, and my dumb ass met someone who owned a drove a car.

And later, I wanna say I was 20-22, maybe a little younger, I drove two hours for a bdsm hookup with someone I did not know that well. This was really before I'd gotten into kink enough to be smart about it. I look back on it and just physically cringe because it could've been SO BAD.

I mean, it was hot - good for what it was - but it's a fucking miracle I wasn't just murdered and dumped on the highway. No cell phones - not really - and no one knew I'd left to go do it, so no one would've missed me for days.

I guess what I mean is, I appreciate the compliment, but damn my guardian angel is going to beat the shit out of me when I die - and they'll be right to do so XD

And I guess, if I can use my personal Dumb Shit Experience™ to help people out so they can experience life with a little less dumb and shit mixed in there, then that's good.

[dawnrider]

For #WIP Wednesday I bring you a snippet of what I'm working on for @inuparentsday 2024! A modern AU with the lovely Izayoi discovering that the house she got for a steal in a great neighborhood was a steal for a reason...

Inspired by art by the delightful @heavenin--hell (Yes, that one.)

Snippet below the cut!

It was a good deal. In this housing market, one couldn’t turn their nose up at a great deal like this. So what if people said the furnace made odd noises. And the water heater growled when it was heating up. And the plumbing tended to clang and bump when the water went through it… Those were nothing when you took the price into account! She would have plenty to do the renovations she wanted to do. Fixing up the garden, painting the walls, eventually replacing the appliances… The neighborhood wasn’t even a “bad” one! Signing the paperwork, she had repeatedly felt like she was getting away with something very sneaky and that – at any point – someone was going to show up and tell her it was a mistake, that they had missed several zeros on the price and could she please come up with the remaining amount. Yet here she was, standing in front of her new front door to her new house in her new neighborhood in a new city. She let out a sigh of happiness as the lock turned with the key and the old door swung open with a creak. “Nothing a little WD-40 can’t fix,” she chirped. As she went through the house to look at it more closely, she started a mental checklist of the things that “just needed a coat of paint” or “a new set of hinges” and “maybe a new sink…” Her cheeriness faded some, but seeing the view from the upstairs sitting room and the balcony beyond it made it all worth it. Perched on one of the elevated neighborhoods that overlooked the main part of the city, she could see the ocean just beyond that. The sun set just beyond the horizon with the water often sparkling in the foreground. It was amazing. It was by far the most beautiful place she had ever lived in her entire life. One of the first things Izayoi did was set up her office in the sitting room. If she was going to continue to afford the mortgage on this house, no matter how small the payments were in comparison with her old house, she would need to make sure she could work. Part of that meant getting someone out to install her internet. Apparently there had never been anything all this time and there would need to be a fresh installation. Izayoi had that in her budget, but finding someone to actually do the work was proving a much greater challenge than she would have expected. “Yes, that’s the address,” she repeated. The operator hung up on her. “That was rude,” she muttered, staring at the receiver in her hand. She dialed the next number and was met with much the same treatment. Six more calls and she was running out of numbers in the yellow pages. Finally, someone at least told her why no one would listen past the address. “Lady, I don’t care if you’re willing to pay extra. That place is haunted and I’m not sending any of my guys in there.” “Wait… Seriously?” “Yea. No one here is gonna take that job. That’s why it’s never had a hookup. The only reason you got phone service is because the lines are on poles for that and it comes in through the roof.” “Please! If the phone lines are in that way, can’t you…” “No. Cable’s gotta go in through the ground and into the basement. City ordinance. So you either deal with dialup, or you get satellite.”

[soapbombs]

hey,, you should totally explain all the important lore of dialtown to me bc im far too lazy to actually go watch somethin myself /nf

OKAY OKAY SO. Anybody correct me if I forgot anything, but.

all but Norm have object heads due to The Dialup, initiated by Callum Crown, former president, who lost his memory on January first of 1967, day after the Dailup was set into motion. Norm doesn’t have an object head due to being the first ever astronaut sent into a worm hole, forcing him to travel into the 2020’s, despite being from the 60’s, meaning he’d missed the dialup in its entirety. He was exiled by Mayor Mingus, Callum’s Granddaughter, for refusing to conform and replace his head.

Now, as for Callum. Born in 1923, his left arm being his only complete limb. He eventually built himself legs to join the war, but was denied, giving him newfound spite and determination. He made himself a prosthetic arm, and sold multiple prosthetics to soldiers who had returned, getting him a business, but that was quickly shut down once soldiers didn’t NEED to buy any more limbs. He tried adding upgrades to these prosthetics, with tools built in, but was passed off as a guy who made himself a freak for show. Passed off as a door to door salesman made of clanking metal. He soon realized his telephone was what connected him to the rest of Dialtown, the world, and that’s what started his idea for the phone-heads. The idea caught on, and a typewriter alternative was made too.

Callum was elected president after other roles, but after the dialup, he had accidentally pressed a button on the side of his head, one that would erase his memories in case he was ever captured by an enemy, or something of the sort. Of course, he HAD planned a way to get those memories back, that being giving his vice president, Milton R. Wallace, the plans to his head. But, Milton was no longer around, and not another soul knew a thing about how to fix him. Doctors tried, but there wasn’t anything they could do.

Mingus (in the 2020’s I assume) even tried to get GOD to fix it, only to be turned down.

[directdogman]

i dont know if you've already answered this question or not, but how did callum crown get all the other countries to agree to the dialup?

This is a very smart question. Norm's summary of Crown's life leaves vast portions remarkably underdetailed. The year or so that he initially made his fortune is incredibly well explained, but pretty much everything after that point is a skeleton. The biggest reason for this is due to Norm time-traveling. He had to fill in the gaps using biased and sanitized sources. A lot of context/important info is missing.

For instance: Norm explains that Crown took over the whole UN in half a sentence and doesn't elaborate further. Norm's extras menu page kinda indicates that maybe Norm is lying to himself about some aspects of Crown, just as Mingus is. ...Namely involving Crown's view of Democracy itself. Crown had very noble priorities, which he DID believe intrinsically. Sticking up for the poor, creating a world that not only tolerated, but fully valued disabled people, to feed the hungry and eradicate poverty entirely... However, Crown showed that he was willing to do anything to get 'his way', as to him, it wasn't just his way. It was the only way forward. This mentality was his downfall in the end and it destroyed every close relationship he had in the end.

So, to answer your question: how did he get all of the other countries to agree to the Dialup? Easy. Every world leader knew what'd happen if they tried to say no.

[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

YOU HAVE SUMMONED ME honestly I was worried that this was super late but then I saw the time stamp on your post and I was like 😀 tis still shenanigan time!! HALEY!!! aka BITEWING!!!! sweet angel baby puppy love of my life. she’s adorable. she only has three legs! when dick rescued her from getting abused by some random jerks in the street she BIT HIM hard enough that he needed STITCHES. and he said “oh i’m gonna take her to the pound tomorrow” and babs and tim were like 👀 uh huh, sure you are dick… and next thing you know we see he’s got toys for her and a bed and a bowl with her name on it. her name was voted on by readers and is a nod to haly's circus! (which writers occasionally forget that dick owns now, but that’s a whole other tangent) she is a tiny menace and I love her! just in canon we’ve seen her try to play with/tear up important papers, she ate dick’s tv remote and tore up his couch, and she has daydreams about fighting crime as bitewing 🩵 she very much strikes me as an ankle biting menace while she’s still a puppy, and I feel like lucky would literally have to scruff her to pull her away from a fight… which honestly also feels right for kate and dick in some cases 😂

This is amazing I am sobbing I am weeping Kate and Dick with their disabled doggos

(Also Dick and Clint lowkey soulmate vibes???)

I was imagining Kate losing Lucky at a dog park (full disclosure I have no idea how dog parks work, maybe just a regular park?) and she's getting pizza to lure Lucky (and potentially also Jeff???) back to her, she's not super worried, she's chatting to Cute Tall Guy who is ALSO missing his dog. He's not getting pizza for doggo, just for him. Anyway SUDDENLY A RUCKUS and Kate and Tall Guy hear Barking! And individually they are thinking, well, my dog might have just started a gang war

again

This is fine

It turns out puppo Haley has found a stray cat mama with a new litter of kittens and has planted herself between the cat and some other dogs who are clearly VERY poorly behaved, but she is a hero and that's! what! heroes! do! However Haley is a pup and also missing a leg she could use some backup basically, and Lucky, who has never met a disaster he doesn't love, decides to ALSO plant himself between the mean dogs (who are lowkey trying to bully Haley) and Haley and the cats. Jeff might be there but mostly for the Drama bc he's a messy bench like that

Anyway Dick and Kate proceed to RIP INTO the other dog owners and then look at each other askance like wtf are we supposed to do with the cat?!?!?! Who has decided Haley is just a big dumb kitten she lost and has adopted her (very bruce-coded of the cat tbh). And kittens?!?! One of them is orange and has something going on with an eye and Kate is like oh NO this kitten is a cat Lucky I can't believe I have at least one cat now

(clint: you know you don't have t--

Kate: who am I to argue with the cat distribution system)

Dick is frantically calling up his favorite animal expert (it's Damian) about how to safely move mama and kittens? And where? Vet??!?!? Animal shelter?!?!?! Tim?!?!

To be fair Dick could have probably figured it out if he was alone but Kate is there and his brain makes dialup noises when he looks at her for too long yes he's WEAK leave him alone

At some point Kate winds up sitting on the ground and Haley flops into her lap and passes out because it's been a big day for a puppy and Lucky and Jeff give Kate the BIGGEST SADDEST BABY EYES because that's their spot?? Why is this interloper hogging the Pizza Girl? Lucky turns Sad Dog Eye on Dick like Dick is just going to remove his darling puppy from her nap spot? Sir. Please be serious.

Idk where i was going with this but also Lucky the hardened established dog hero and Haley his young impetuous sidekick dog, Jeff finding missions for them working out of Batcow's barn. BITEWING!!! I am dead. Pandemonium is their business.

lol for some reason Haley is giving me cat vibes a little. Lucky is like, this is Pizza Girl. Protecting Pizza Girl is my sworn duty. And Haley is like I am BITEWING. This is my human sidekick, Nightwing.

(Also for some reason I'm lowkey vibing Clint and Babs???? For this???? I think they are besties regardless but just seeing them watching their favo disaster birds getting parent trapped by their DOGS like "are you seeing this? I'm not the only one seeing this right????")

ANyway maybe Clint has custody of Lucky so Kate and Jeff are moping hanging out at a park (Jeff is an extrovert and he is LONELY he wants FRIENDS) and one of two things happens:

Haley bolts and Dick is chasing after her and hears someone go "Don't you BARK at him, he didn't do anything! He just wants to be friends!" which makes Dick have the simultaneous thoughts of "oh no what did my dog do" and "how DARE you yell at my dog!!"

he rounds the corner and sees Haley looking as chagrined as a chaos pup can look before scootching closer to the other dog and licking its...nose. Snout?

"That's a shark," Dick says. The shark in question is now dragging out what appears to be a rotisserie chicken and is sharing it with Haley.

"What?" Kate says. "No, he's just a rare breed of dog. The, uh. The Chilean Hairless....land...shark."

OR Haley is Not Afraid! She decided she and Dick were playing fetch with one of his escrima sticks and she took OFF so now Dick is yelling for her hoping she comes back with the same stick she left with.

So Dick is hollering for her and Kate answers back "Haley is over here! Uhh assuming Haley is a dog and not a child, or a bird, or a lizard of some kind?"

And that's when Dick sees his dog playing with his escrima stick with a shark??? who is leaving dents in his weapon????

Kate isn't even looking at Dick when she's like "hey, do you come here often? Jeff has been really lonely and she's the first dog we've met that isn't terrified of him, so that's pretty cool, anyway hi my name is Kate...." and THEN she looks up (and up, and up) at Dick and is like. oh my god. is this why Gwen said we should try this park today??? Because of beautiful dog dad man?

either way Jeff REFUSES to leave Haley which means Dick and Kate have to spend most of the day together. At some point MODOK tries to steal Jeff back and Haley plants herself in front of Jeff and growls at MODOK and she's actually pretty intimidating but it's still the cutest thing ever. Jeff and Haley are ride-or-dies, like Jeff will be mad at Dick when Haley has to go to the vet.

[askpiperangel]

MAIN ACC IS @8bitwonders

“Stabby told me to get a “computer” and download this thing called “Tumblr” so uh...Hello! Call me Pip! I am Detective Piper Angel, though you probably know me already for how brilliant i am, heh! Here are some things about me!”

Info:

Pronouns: She/her

Flag: 🇬🇧

Likes: “Ducklings! A lot, hehe! I like other things too, but ducklings and birds are all you need to know about.. O-Ooh! Other than the fact i like space! Oh, it’s so beautiful! My great grandfather worked for NASA all those years ago, i love space..”

“I work for Mayor Mingus as Dialtown’s one and only (totally not corrupt..) detective! I usually have my lil’ pet duck Benno with me along the way! He likes wearing different hats, heh! I gave him a mask, Dialup duck heads are horrible...Don’t tell Miss Crown i said that…”

“I used to wear disguises for different missions, so you can ask to see some of those! I think i have some of in my closet somewhere…Hm.”

Alliances:

“I tend to hang around with Little Billy, he’s truly a cute little boy when you ignore the havoc he wreaks!”

“Hm. That Mr. Allen guy is not too bad, neither is Phonegingi..They’re not my friends though, i swear!”

“Hehe, i am totally Miss Crown’s favourite too...”

“I live with Stabby, Shooty and Mr. Rustlebelt at The Dialtown Zoo!”

Works with The Dialtown Mob, hence why she’s so obsessed with Mingus.

Acts cold to Norm for being a normie but secretly respects the dude.

OOC: Ask rules:

Her accent switches to Southern sometimes, since she disguised as a cowgirl for a whole year for a mission and got used to speaking in a Southern accent.

Piper is not a minor, so feel free to message what you would like (Romance, threats etc.) Just do not go too far.

Please do not spam the ask box, as i am likely busy and will not respond for a while. I probably will not respond if you spam.

“Feel free to ask Benno questions too, but he doesn’t do much..”

Open to roleplaying, OC asks and character asks!

May contain some headcannons.

Some asks will be responded with drawings, some won’t be. Nothing personal!

Ty! :3

[msfbgraves]

Reset

I got catapulted straight back into the 90's for a week, on account of my wifi, and thereby my tv, internet and radio being out. I had data but had to use that very sparingly, like dialup without the screeching.

I read two thick novels and a novella in a week.

I manage two books a year, mostly, and I always thought that this was about mental bandwith.

No, it's about not having tv or social media or internet.

And I feel conflicted now.

They're such easy timefillers.

But times and infrastructure have changed. It's really hard to not have wifi. I could potentially go without tv and series on demand, but I have some very old school family that simply expects tv, and in that case some series are included anyway. I'm on my phone now too, not diving into dovstoyeski.

But it doesn't really linger and it can really sap energy needed for deeper concentration.

How much new media adds to your life? How much drains?

I can't pretend it's 1996 but I hated it so much less than I expected. It's nice to be able to read like it's easy! I did immediately feel that in that case I needed to renew my library membership yesterday; 20 or so unread books were not going to sustain me for long.

And it isn't as simple as saying "Get off Tumblr", because Tumblr has the best information on sticking it to our corporate reality I know. Seriously, I would be missing something that would make life in definitely- not - 1996 less hellish.

But it's also too easy.

Like why cook you have a Snickers right there kind of easy.

And now I don't really know what to do, the world is so full of quick distraction but it absolutely costs something. And it's one thing to kind of know that and quite another to experience it, if only for a week.

[badassxbirdy]

January Activity Update (Pinned Post)

It’s time once again for an activity update! If you’re new here: these posts help me to keep track of what the frick I’ve been doing, particularly when tumblr breaks or the brainfog strikes. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to do a full monthly update, so this one includes posts and drafts for October, November, and December. Everything else can be found in previous monthly updates under this tag. There’s also the full thread tracker here.

The full activity update (along with OOC house keeping) is below the cut. Bold text = links.

If you want to see all IC interactions without the other stuff, click here. If you’d like to start something new, there are opens and memes, or you can just hit up the DM’s. You can also add Ty on Wire for IC texting.

Now onto the update!

Housekeeping:

A couple of little tweaks have been made to the guidelines page. Nothing huge, mainly just an update on formatting in threads and fc’s.

Ty’s Wire is now working again! 🥳 If you didn’t get a reply last time you messaged her, please resend your message. Or just send her a new one/start a new convo if you’d rather. I also have regained access to the discord account. Same username as here so feel free to add me, just let me know who you are if you do. I only log in when I’m here actively working on drafts, so you may still prefer to use the DM’s to chat.

I don’t do this often, but I’m going to be giving my inbox a bit of a reset by deleting most of the unanswered memes. Even though those ones aren’t being posted, thank you for sending them!

I’m getting notifications for old reblogs and things I was tagged in a month ago, a few even longer ago than that. Some are repeated ones that I saw in my activity feed when they were first posted, but some are brand new to me so I’m very confused rn.

In a similar vein, it’s currently hit or miss as to whether I get a notification for being tagged in a post. It also doesn’t always show up in my actual tracked tag. With that being the case, If there is something I haven’t replied to that is not listed in this post, please let me know.

Still in the process of changing up my medication. We’re taking it slowly as I’m coming off one that is notoriously a pain in the neck for withdrawal symptoms. It’s been absolutely kicking my arse, so if I’m slow to respond to ooc messages, please do not feel ignored. I will answer when my brain is not making dialup noises. Thread replies will happen when they happen. I’m trying to put less pressure on myself, but as an anxious human and chronic people pleaser it’s a struggle. 😂

Threads, replies, and other IC interactions:

(In alphabetical order by username.)

@astormymind

Library ghost hunting with Finn (drafted)

@beastbitten

Extreme awkwardness. 😂 (link)

@demcnsinmymind

At the motel (link)

Azzy proved a point (link)

Taking Lance on a hunt (link)

Doing Lance’s hair! 😭 (link)

Mischief at the bar (link)

Car trouble (drafted)

An unwanted visitor, and Ty finds out the boy has powers! 👀 (queued)

@demonstigma

A weird conversation (queued)

@derschwarzeengel

Tyler is not sick. Definitely not. (link)

Damon? Talking about his trauma? It seems miracles do happen. (queued)

Ty finds Vampire!Damon (queued)

Roasting 50 shades (drafted)

“She’s a ghost AND a bitch!” (drafted)

@destroyerscved

“How did you find me?” (link) Sorry for the repost!

Magic bean juice (queued)

@discipulusmaleficus

Abandoned house (drafted)

@hellomynameisfuckyou

A tackle hug for Damsel (link)

@hvbris

A questionable attempt to cheer up Olive (link)

An appointment with Dr Soliman (link)

Meeting the captain (link)

Ty is confused by Wednesday (drafted. Sorry this one slipped through the cracks for so long!)

@imprvdente

Birthday fun (link)

At the motel with FBI!Fish (drafted)

@innerwar

Ty rescues Damon (link)

Being grumpy at Homelander (link)

Babysitting Jude/the Doc (drafted)

Bad jokes with Charm (queued. Sorry this one slipped through the cracks for so long!)

@kxllerblond

“You owe me a dinner. A very nice dinner.” (link)

@loyaltyguided

Birthday cuteness! (link)

@loyaltylanced

“Destiny can’t be changed.” (link)

@magaprima

Demon problems (queued)

Demon problems part 2: electric boogaloo (link)

@nightiingaled

KilliTy cuteness! (link)

Even more KilliTy cuteness! (link)

@tmrrwppl

I just couldn’t resist okay. Don’t question it. 😂 (link)

@vyrulent

Tyler meets Orobus Jones! (drafted)

Headcanon, dash games, and assorted silliness:

ELEVEN YEARS. ❤️ (link)

“Nothing to steal” (link)

Wanted poster dash game (link)

Damon’s birthday gift (link)

Say My Name drabble by Bramble! (link)

Pinterest dash game (link)

Ty’s Christmas mischief! (link)

I think that’s everything! As always: please let me know if I’ve missed something. I never intentionally drop threads without notifying, rest assured that if it’s not here I am either having a brain fart or I simply have not seen it. Remember to be kind to yourselves, and stay safe! ❤️ — Em

[autobotua]

Earthspark, S1.2

God I hate this new style of splitting seasons

Anyhow

The second wave of Terrans isn’t as appealing to me as the first. Jawbreaker is the best of them, Nightshade is ok I guess, but Hashtag sucks. She’s an annoying, overbearing sibling type who makes me think of boomer comics shit. “What if transformer get ipad” ass. I do not miss dialup sounds. And her ponytail thing looks silly.

Twitch taking on something of a leader role among her siblings is nice.

Either there was already a cavern under the barn and Nightshade just renovated it, or I’m calling bullshit on them digging that bunker that quickly.

Nightshade and Hashtag’s transformations are some wildly cheaty bullshit. Nightshade, at least, has a toy coming up, and I’m curious as to how the hell the Hasbro engineers are going to pull that one off.

Pop culture references. Hashtag going “all your base” like a mid-’00s gamer comic fell flat for me, but Blitzwing(?) as a pointing soyjak and Family Guy Death Pose Nova Storm were hilarious.

The flashback in Warzone felt... small. Like, there’s only the guys we’ve already seen in the present there. You couldn’t have slipped in Brawl or a couple of extra Seeker repaints or something?

Between Costa IDW (captured by Skywatch, stuck in vehicle mode, and driven around by Spike for joyrides and booty calls), Prime (MECH and all that), and now Earthspark (GHOST), Breakdown should just call in sick whenever any shady groups of high-tech humans show up.

I’ll be very surprised if there isn’t a significant Breakdown/Bumblebee shipping contingent after that.

The way Shockwave’s altmode moves is goofy as hell.

GHOST are gigashady. I feel like there’s going to be a schism between Schloder (who seems to be a genuine believer in the official mission) and Croft (Sketchy McSus) once the truth comes out. What’s Croft’s first name, anyway?

How the hell is Mandroid still able to walk with two heavy ass Cybertronian arms grafted onto him? Man’s puking petrol, so maybe there’s more mods under the hood.

People seem to be taking Breakdown, Brawl, and Novastorm being dead as a given, but I have my doubts. Hardtop survived losing his arm and Bee survived being drained, and Brawl’s a big guy. It’s Frenzy and Laserbeak that I think might be dead - don’t think we saw them escape from the arena when Grimlock went ape.

[thygoddessouijathicc]

Phone Guy Dave AU Fanfic: Aubergine Pizza

(Disclaimers: it’s best to thing of my first fic, Saferoom, as sorta a prequel/backstory. This is once again quite OOC, especially for Dave, because, well, he’s a phone guy now, a bit for Jack as well because he has depress because boyfriend is phone, admittedly not too out of the ordinary (not the depress at least, the phone part is pretty weird tho). 

While my last fic was hardcore angst with a double shot of angst on the side, this one, and probably a lot of future phone guy Dave AU fanfics contains a great deal of fluff. Specifically Davesport fluff.

DSAF 3 spoilers)

Jack had found that despite having called in a few favours with the factory, he hadn’t managed to have them make Dave any less brainwashed. Ok, that is not entirely true, as he had managed to effectively skip out on the whole fake wife and being named Scott thing. But that’s where his luck ended. 

Dave had been simply left with really no memories whatsoever, and upon having asked if Jack knew who he was, the orange man had snapped at him. Jack didn’t mean to. It wasn’t Dave he was upset with. It was Henry.

The man who he had trusted for some reason. Perhaps Henry really was the manipulative mastermind he thought himself to be. Henry had used his body to hurt Dave, and now Dave had forgotten his own name.

Jack had gotten in trouble, apparently Dave was missing a lot of organs, and his decomposition was suspicious. The people at the factory had accused Jack of having killed him himself, taken his organs, and left him to rot. The only reason he was not arrested was a) because what was going on wasn’t exactly MORAL in the first place, b) Jack is very scary, and c) Dave COUGHED. 

Jack wasn’t sure he’d ever get Dave back. He wasn’t responding to anything, and he was running out of hope.

“Uhhh sir? Sir you have been standing there staring at me for the past 10 minutes.” Jack was snapped out of his trance by Dave, ‘staring’ down at him.

“Right. Sorry I lost my train of thought. What did you want again?”

The phone sighed dramatically, “You know we’re never going to get anywhere if you don’t focus, sir. I was just telling you that our suit performer is… ‘on vacation’ which is code of course for ‘running from the police’. Now I could step in for h-“

“No.”

“Sir I don’t understand.”

“I’ll do it. I swear to god if you ever have to see the inside of a springlock suit.”

“I already have.”

“Do not be a smartass employee.”

“Now that the case of the suit wearer is settled, rather oddly I might add. We have finally completed all matters on this page.” Dave says.

“So are we done now? Can I go now?”

“No. We have 4 more pages.”

Jack whines “still?! We’ve already done like 8!“

“11 actually.”

“Christ.”

“Ok onto the next order of business. The customers find Matt to be unsettling, due to his virginity and smile. Now, we can’t do anything about the smile but we CAN take him to Vegas and hire a couple hookers.”

Jack smiles at Dave’s first solution being hookers in Vegas, maybe he wasn’t gone after all.

“Nah, won’t work. I’ve already tried that. Besides, can’t we just have Matt wear a mask? He should be wearing one anyway.”

“We can’t. The hecking masks melt off his face due to the power of his virginity.”

“…Christ.”

“So I’m assuming Matt is a bust?”

“Pretty much. We just need to tell customers to deal with it, he all but came with the prize counter.”

“I thought you specifically looked for him for the job.”

“He all but came with the prize counter.”

Dave makes a dialup noise in frustration. “Ok… how about just this last page. I want to be done as much as you do. I have a longing to hide in the Saferoom so I don’t have to do my job. Mostly to escape this conversation.”

“Gimme the next boring list item.”

“Ok, so, music man has made his nest in our ball pit and kids have started disappearing into it. Fazbender’s has a long history of child murders so it looks very bad for us.”

You’d know about that, wouldn’t you. Oh wait… no you wouldn’t. Never mind…

“So we probably need to find some way to get rid of it… only problem is that… I don’t want to even enter that room because of it.”

“Eh, it’s not our worst room.”

Another dialup noise “HOW THE HECK IS THE ROOM WITH THE GIANT HECKING SPIDER ROBOT THAT EATS KIDS NOT OUR WORST ROOM!?!?!?!?!”

“Disabled bathroom. Also the strip club, although that one is also my favourite. It’s only bad because Oscar.”

The phone guy sighs “ok, next order of business. The health inspector is coming soon-“

“How soon is soon?”

“12 years.”

“Ok that’s it, meeting over, you’re obsessing over things that don’t matter. It’s tradition to only care the DAY OF the inspection. Plus a little bribery goes a long way so you don’t even have to care that day either. You’re working yourself to death.”

“Better dead than closed sir.”

Jack grabbed the purple phone man’s hand and dragged him away.

“Where are you kidnapping me to sir?”

“My favourite room.”

“Oh dear god no.”

Jack throws open the door to the strip club. “Look Davey, STRIPPER FAXES.”

“…why did you say ‘fox’ like that?”

“Dave… say ‘fax’”

“No.”

“Dave I’m not angry, just disappointed. Say fax.”

“Sir… you’re scaring me.” Dave backs away.

“Say fax employee. It is an order.”

“Fine sir. ‘Fax’. Are you happy.”

“Very.”

Jack leads Dave into the strip club, and directly to the salad bar. “Sir if this is that thing where you get me to yell at you to not eat the salad I’ll fire myself.” Ah, Jack remembers making his first phoney do that. Priceless. Not something he’d make Dave do, but priceless nonetheless.

“No I was actually wondering if you wanted any. It’s the only food in this building you can’t get cancer from.”

“I don’t have a mouth, sir.” His phone guy reminds.

“I’m sure we could just shove it up your ass and have the same effect.”

“Sir, I’m not letting you shove salad up my ass.”

“:(“

“Did you just… say an emoticon? Also did you want to shove salad up my ass?!?”

“Ok, I’m bored now and I’ve endured too much Oscar by being in the same room as him.”

Jack grabs Dave’s hand again and drags him out of the room.

“So what is it… if I might ask… what is it you actually DO? During the days you’re here?” Dave asks Jack.

“Eh, I mostly just wander around looking for loose change and messing around.” Jack gets a dialup tone in response to this.

“Look if you really want to be doing actual work. How about we make a pizza? The eternal spirit of Ronaldo taught me how.”

“The WHAT NOW?!”

.

.

.

Dave mostly forced Jack to put on normal toppings. This wasn’t good. Jack was hoping to reawaken Dave’s chaotic urges by giving him opportunities to mess with people, but the factory had turned him into some perfect employee. Fortunately for Jack, he had a TRUMP CARD. A whole eggplant.

Dave was just about to put the pizza in the oven when he pulled out the plant. “Wait, Dave, one more ingredient.”

Dave seemed to freeze for a moment upon seeing the eggplant, as if remembering something. Holy shit was Jack’s stupidest plan to date working?

“An elusive aubergine!”

“H-how is it elusive.”

“Murder.”

“Of course. Well you can’t put it on the pizza it’s not sliced or anything.”

“Sure I can. He desires to be on the pizza, Dave. I’ve never been one to say no to aubergines.”

“Look I can tell that somehow by looking at you. But this particular EGGPLANT is telling you to do something EVIL.”

“Fake news. All aubergines tell me to do evil things.”

“The evil power of your purple vegetable is causing me to glitch, get it away from me. Kids won’t want to eat it anyway.”

“Sure they will. It’s delicious.” Jack decides to demonstrate this by taking a bite out of the eggplant.

“Ok now we REALLY can’t put it on the pizza, you bit it.”

“I have more.” Jack says, pulling more eggplants out of nowhere. Dave makes a dialup noise in response.

“Ok Sport, really, this is causin’ me to glitch.” Dave says, having apparently switched back to his real voice. Jack smiles upon hearing the nickname.

“Glitch smitch, it’s going on the pizza.” Jack moves to put it on the pizza.

“NO!” Dave jerks the pizza away. “I’m not letting you mess with my code!”

“Dave…” Jack sighs. He wants him back, as soon as possible. But he doesn’t want to hurt him again. He’s at least managed to START Dave remembering who he is. With some clever language and an aubergine alone.

Jack’s eggplants seem to disappear back into Jack’s Apparently bottomless pockets.

“Ok, I’ll stop. You win, normal pizza it is.”

“Actually…” Dave says, sounding somewhat unsure. Dave grabs one of the acid mushrooms Jack had tried to convince him to put in with the regular ones and sticks it on one of the slices. “Lil’ thing for whoever gets that piece.” Dave says. And for a moment Jack almost forgets he’s talking to a phone guy.

.

.

.

That night, Jack goes home hopeful for what the future might hold, for the first time since Dave had asked him to go to the factory, he feels things might be ok.

As for Dave? As soon as he goes into sleep mode, he has dreams of a time long past in which an aubergine and his tangerine took Vegas by storm.

(Notes: Aaaand fic two is done. It’s a better depiction of what to expect from the PG!Dave AU. Although there surely will be more angst like the first one. Not much more to say. Bai!)

[codeform]

hm I think we’re um missing a rlly cool tron opportunity with um. no y2k tron content

considering like. programs/systems reflect an idealized sort of webscape/techological atmosphere— esp w/ legacy and its sleekness. I thin k trheres like so much that could b done w/ the concept of early web/geocities/flash/dialup and the really interesting design both physical and digital.

I also think the design of legacy is rllyrlly funny from this perspective bc it’s also a reflection of flynn and it more fits like his zen-thing mindset and again that real sleekness but when flynn was building his system it was the 80s and we all know what flynn was LIKE in the 80s and I cannot buy that THAT was what Flynn’s mindscape was like @ that time. that’s so sillydumb. n like a friend n I have talked abt how flynn only saw the encom system when it was being leeched off by the MCP but it’s still like. NOTHING like the legacy system. so like part of me wonders if the grid has changed over time With Flynn himself Or if it took on more of a reflection of Clu 2 perhaps perhaps. bc this is the guy who fully sent Clu 1 on a mission WHILE HE WAS MAD UNFINISHED like it’s a normal thing 2 do. wtf dude :/

[aerialworms]

2, 3, 17 and 40 for the ask game!

Thank you for the ask, friend!!!

2) talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

Oh jeez, that could be almost all of my fics. They tend to keep growing and growing because the characters want to do more and more things, until a 500 word ficlet becomes a 12k multichap! The most notable, I think, is my destiel star trek fusion au, which started out as a quick oneshot to get the kirk/spock/dean/cas brainworms out of my head before last year's NaNoWriMo so that I could focus on my goal of finishing several WIPs I'd been working on for months. Instead of doing that, like I intended, I kept thinking of more and more ideas and plot points to add into the universe, and ended up with 13 total fic ideas, two fully written first drafts for them, plus a couple halves of other ones, and like. maybe a thousand words on one of the WIPs I'd intended on finishing. For the whole of NaNo. I think that's the problem with writing Dean and Cas, though - it's literally canon that they'll fight against the narrative the author sets them, even when I'm actively trying to get the two ungrateful bastards together /j

3) on a scale of 1-10 how much do you enjoy incorporating romance into the average story?

10, baby! I love writing romance. I do write stuff without romance (mostly in my original works), but I really enjoy writing romance in fics, which is all I've been writing lately.

17) what is your favorite line you’ve ever written?

"the world was thrown into a greyscale majesty, pierced with shadows that were darker than spilt ink."

Annoyingly, it's from a fic that I don't really want people to read anymore, and have only left up because a) it was my first ever fic (published 10 years ago!!!!) and b) it was a gift for my best friend at the time who I've since lost contact with, and I want her to be able to find it if she ever wants to (Ruby, if you still follow me on here, I miss you!). The phrase "a greyscale majesty" popped into my head when I was writing it and keeps popping back in. I just like the way it sounds, although it's a lot more flowery than I like to write these days. Not my best line, but definitely my favourite.

40) best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten.

Oh man, how to choose! I think it's a three way tie of comments left on my latest fic, Watching Over You - my wonderful friend Liz rereading chapter 3 before bed multiple times, someone here on tumblr saying it's a perfect bedtime story and they've reread it multiple times and it was an instant bookmark, and the absolutely tear-inducing comment on actual ao3 that my writing was cinematic and also "flows beautifully and is so enjoyable to read." I actually couldn't reply to that comment for almost a week cause my brain kept making dialup noises every time I read it! I actually got so much lovely feedback on that fic, I'm grateful for every single comment!!!

[resmarted]

i'm surrounded by wolves and bad actors. i have been my whole life, it's always been like this. camera one, camera two, and we're rolling. they never expect it when we go off script, the looks on their faces when i survive the hits so effortlessly, the setups so predictable and yet none of them seem to see it coming. and i keep showing up because this is the role i was hired to play but we work for very different agencies and my level of representation is an irritation to those who struggle to be seen. i've been quietly leading what appears to be an ensemble cast for so long now and we all play pretend that i am merely a background player but they don't know that i know and i let them think they know everything about me by way of what i choose to give them. it's this whole game where i am a jungle cat dressed as a mouse and they are strays in an alley being baited with the promise of a happy home should they catch me. they don't realize i am from the wild and thrive on a good hunt, that i get off on feigning as the prey and watching them delight in the idea of getting to capture me. i sit in my grave that i have dug up for them because i am used to doing all the work around here, and when they think they have pushed me into it i do the thing where my arm throws dramatically over my head and i faint loudly like it's the end of the world. they don't anticipate the snare traps lined around the surface timed perfectly for when they step closer to lean over for the better view of my suffering. they can't even tell that it's happening, for mine is not the obvious instant snapping of a limb or cracking of a bone; how pedestrian. i prefer a much more subtle, slow burn. here comes the punishment of a thousand years down their bloodline, their children's children's children paying for their crimes tenfold in ways so specific to their wrongdoings one could never argue its root cause. mine is an invisible claw that tears into the soul and punctures every vessel of their life force without making a sound. i am very kind hearted and will bandage the wounds knowing full well they are the same hands that pulled the trigger aimed right for me. the looks in their eyes when i stand so calmly before them in perfect health despite all the poison is enough of a trophy, but i'd be lying if i said it's not a thankless job.

anyway, i miss you. i wish you weren't so stupid. i wish you could make up your mind and clear your throat and figure a way out of your problems instead of waiting around for me to solve them for you. i wish we were sixteen again and hiding under a tented sheet to talk on aim all night from a laptop dialup connection. why did you dream me up if you were just going to snuff me out like a wet birthday candle? what a waste. we could have been everything. you're so dumb. you think I don't see you, that i'm so easily scared away, that i would flinch at your crazy or your scary or your ugly. i know you're unhinged in a way often viewed by commoners as unlovable and you have these wounds of abandonment you're so convinced are completely unique to you, like no one else has had a neglectful parent before or someone who mishandled them at a tender age. i know you like to stay safe under the blanket of victimhood because at least that way when everyone else is the bad guy you don't have to really look at yourself. i want you to know i love you in spite of it all, that you are still worth everything to me whether or not you took that rage out on me the way you once did to your mother or other women in your life who may have wronged you. i wasn't always this forgiving or understanding. i used to be so much meaner, i still am in so many ways, but i try to see all sides better now. it's all you can do, try to change and outgrow the version of yourself you were yesterday. you don't have to be an angry teen forever and if you slip back into it sometimes it's okay, you can be forgiven and try again the next day. you're not restricted to this pain or committed to the same old psychosis, it doesn't have to own you and these beliefs you have about yourself aren't necessarily true nor do they have to remain this way even if there may be hints of reality lingering within. you need to stop boxing yourself into this identity or giving into the brainwashing that you're the monster you created yourself to be. you need to believe love is more than ownership and control, and just because i can walk away doesn't mean it is without consequence or that it somehow means i loved you any less for daring to protect myself from any further pain.

i wish every day we were still laughing and painting black clouds yellow together. i like you in ways others can't quite reach, for more than just your charm and charisma and surface level persona, but for the weird things you say in between you think no one hears and the strange morose moments when your mask starts to slip and you forget to disguise your the fact that you're a human with your little clown dances. i can hear the chains rattling in your mind during the silences and distant gazes where you avoid eye contact and pretend to be busy just to make sure you keep going. everyone tells me to stay away from you and everyone tells you that i am the problem and we do the thing where we listen to everyone else's opinion instead of our own intuition. you are troubled, but not in a way i can't handle, and though they say i deserve to be more than someone's nurse i can't help but to want to comfort you back to health. i can hear the frustrated groans of audiences screaming and begging me don't do it but then i reappear like clockwork with arms casted out like a net for you to trustfall. and so what if you hurt me? so what if you lie and you cheat and you make me feel stupid for trying, i'll deal with the repercussions of risking a heart full of love another day. it's here now, beating and bleeding like an idiot for you. i know i am supposed to be smarter than this. honestly at this point the snake pit is so tiresome i am ready to give into the venom and allow it to take me out like cleopatra during the fall of rome. i am exhausted from the expectation of always being on guard and always having my defenses up lest i be killed like the flower moon, but i suppose this is how they isolate you to your weakest point. the truth is i hope if this is your long game you at least succeed in the mission this time and get the job done. at least if you killed me i may finally experience a sense of relief, and what more could a girl ask for at this point? i am so tired of the wolves and bad actors.

[funfaired]

yelling to the void about this but had some Idears and Thots while replaying DSAF and Dialtown these last few days. 

I really love this main theme of this mad attempt to grasp at a time / return to a time that is impossible to reach. The attempt itself being the downfall, and almost forcing the main big bad into losing any chance at happiness in the time they inhabit here and now.

Mingus was at least willing to take the help of Norm in the good ending, weather she liked it or not. But in the end it was good for her, it was a step in letting go. Which is something that’s clearly very hard for her. And while Mingus is definitely focused on her own gain, it would be wholly inaccurate to say she was a monster. 

She, much like Henry M, lost someone important to her which was this driving force to change the world to fit an image they thought was best. Henry M and Mingus both seem to have the ego to think they know best for the world as well. I can’t speak on Callum Crown since we don’t know too much about him canonically lore wise, but I honestly think that’s an excellent choice.

 There’s an excellent amount of care taken in establishing this world that has been so drastically effected directly by him, and Mingus. We hear a few tidbits of information and there’s some hints towards things we find out later about Mingus, her intentions and theming. But all around, he remains a bit of a mystery. This individual who may have had a bit more questionable intentions or ideas is so (chefs kiss)

In a way, you get to know Callum Crown without ever really meeting him. You know him through the world he’s left behind, through the people he’s left behind, through those that were before the Dialup. Close or otherwise. It’s a wonderful storytelling tool that makes now only the underlying mystery more believable but that much more captivating.

This theme of slowly discovering more about the world you live in and how it’s been effected by someone is also seen a bit in DSAF.

I like that Dogman decided to leave that a mystery, personally I feel like it adds to the experience and I kind of don’t want to know more. I’m very much content and floored by the whimsy o the mystery. We never know Callum, not personally, but we do get to know him through what he changed and left behind.

In the end, it doesn’t really matter who he was or what his intentions were. Because if you get stuck on trying to make sense of the past you miss out on the future you could have. It’s a nice theme, and a lesson that Mingus almost misses and Henry M is too late to learn. 

I’m sure there’s more but my incoherent rambling aside, 10 out of 10 game. great storytelling and characterization as always and a level of it I strive to do! Play Dialtown.