#i do my fiction writing digitally and edit my work on a tablet

[semperintrepida]

pens or pencils?

I love how vague this question is without any context! (If I answer this in a way you weren't expecting, do let me know.)

On the rare occasion that I'm writing longhand, I prefer pens. My beloved workhorse is the Pilot G-2 07 in blue. I'd love the Uni-ball Signo UM-151 a lot more if it had a .7mm version, because it comes in my favorite ink color: blue-black.

(I won't talk about my small but potent fountain pen collection because we'd be here all day.)

Pencils are for math. Specifically, mechanical pencils with .5mm lead graded 2B and paired with the only eraser I really trust: the Pentel Clic.

[inquisitorius-sin-bin]

The Year Wrapped: Artist's Edition 1, 3, 15, 17, and 27.

Thank you for asking!!

How many works of art have you made this year?

Boy! I really have to think!

37 digital drawings that I could find right away, 1 pencil sketch, 1 needle felt project, and more crochet projects than I could possibly count. Hats, shirts, sweaters, booties, cardigans, blankets, a bird house, gloves, cat sweaters, baskets, keychains, pillows, etc. We're not going to count my photography in this case.

3. How long did you spend creating in an average month this year? Was any month more or less creative?

I'm going to be real, after I get home from work, if I am not being creative, I am languishing. That could be drawing, writing, crocheting, editing my photos, taking more photos. I was definitely less creative the first half of the year. The Kenobi trailer really revived me from the dead. That was in what? May? June? I hadn't picked up my drawing tablet since 2017. Hadn't written a single word of fiction since then either. I was crocheting, yes, but I still wasn't outputting quite as much. Thanks Inky, you're a real muse.

November was probably my best month because I had an entire week off work where I was completely bedridden. Yes work was in crisis but I was relaxed for once.

15. Is there any new style/technique/medium you want to explore next year?

Welllllll I did just learn how to knit, so...

I also still adore, admire, love, etc etc Tunisian crochet and will be in continuous awe until I learn it.

I also think as far as my digital art goes, any kind of style that makes the lighting/shading feel more fun and less of a chore that I have to do to finish the piece.

17. What piece took the longest to create?

Welcome to Nur. So many figures, such a complex background. Lots of research into new uniforms. Had to really play to be happy with the reflections and all. But I am still in love with it and how the colors came out. My experimental color phase was fun, and I am willing to take more goes at that in the future too.

Some other honorable mentions include Evil Dead AU Poster (Painting is hard):

And Thrawn and Bettany (again, backgrounds, and how does one sit in that chair?):

27. Biggest surprise while creating art this year?

That I actually finished anything after 5 years of not creating anything, really. That I could just jump back in and really enjoy myself. That all it took was a 5 second trailer clip to jumpstart my creativity once again. It was literally a switch, overnight, and then I wanted to draw again. Brains are funny like that, I guess.

[jonmcbrine-author]

The work that goes into producing a full-length fiction novel is enough for a full-time staff with at least a forty-hour work week. For many indie authors, including myself, it is typically a one-person operation. There are authors with teams, helpers, and roped-in family members, but even for multi-person scribe-squads, the workload can be daunting. The tasks run from the actual writing/typing, editing, marketing, and, among other things, designing the art. When it came to my debut young adult sci-go superhero novel, Unsecret Identity: Eric Icarus - Book One, I ultimately ended up tackling these assignments solo.

Simply because I wear many hats when it comes to creating this particular story does not necessarily entitle me to any special treatment or extra credit. As previously mentioned, there are numerous writers who bear the work weight on their shoulders with not much assistance. My journey so far has seen numerous learning curve-balls thrown my way as I figure out this whole author thing on the fly. I still have miles to go before I can go around boasting about my writing skill—the biggest lesson so far is that you never stop learning. Trends change, tastes differ, and technology advances. As I continue to develop my techniques, I roll with more punches than I hand out hits.

Speaking of technology, my experience as a graphic designer has proved to be greatly beneficial when creating cover art. Utilizing software programs like Adobe Illustrator, Photoshop, and InDesign, I am able to format the manuscripts as well as include interior art. As of this writing, Unsecret Identity is nearing its completion in transitioning from being only available as an ebook to a printed paperback edition. I was prepared to cross the finish line when I decided to insert more illustrations as part of the book. It’s an exciting concept that could help set the novel apart and further express my vision of the characters and settings, but… it also means more delay.

This is where tech comes back into play. I’ve been drawing my entire life, but as pencillers know, the sketching process can be time-consuming. Digital drawing has changed the game for me: using the Apple Pencil on an iPad while running the Procreate drawing program has drastically improved my illustration process. Don’t get me wrong, I believe I will always prefer the traditional method, but using a stylus on a smooth screen not only allows me to zoom in for meticulous detail (along with an overwhelming amount of brush choices), but the slick glass surface is much more preferable for me. I’m not sure why exactly, but I've always had a sensitivity to the feel of paper. So, naturally my greatest interests are writing and drawing—two paper-based hobbies. Thanks to the digital age, the only limit is my imagination (and battery life).

Well, there is at least one other limit - my time. Similar to other self-publishing authors, my writing time is usually whenever I can carve out a short period throughout a typical day. As quick and convenient as tablet drawing can be, it’s still a matter of how exhausted I am after tending to “real life” commitments. This leads to the reason I do not simply outsource the jobs: cheap labor! I don’t consider myself a control freak, though saying that, it is a bit of a point of pride to be able to complete these mounting tasks myself. The entire book-making process is a gauntlet but it’s something I can use all talents for (opinions on the end result may have some questioning the extent of this talent, but, hey, like I said, it’s cheap labor!). 

As if performing all these duties with a lack of downtime wasn’t enough of a challenge, I intend on recording the audiobook version of Unsecret Identity myself. I am not sure if I’m a jack of all trades or a glutton for punishment, but regardless, I’m ready to DIY.

Stay in the loop for more details by following Jonfcition Blog on Substack and be sure to check out jonmcbrine.com for more info about this and all my books.

Unsecret Identity: Eric Icarus - Book One is available now from the Amazon Kindle store.

https://a.co/2XAtxvH

[studentsguidetofilmmaking]

Can you take a train to the afterlife?

Sometimes life should have background music to accentuate all those moments that seem cinematic.

For example, walking apprehensively down a deserted train platform late at night, thinking someone is behind you, lurking out of sight but close-by. (Insert foreboding music here.) Maybe as a train approaches the station, the unseen person suddenly appears and throws you to the tracks. (Insert overly-dramatic music here.)

Life has these moments, and if you’re cinematically-inclined, then you see things through a camera eye, framing each scene and composing the elements within. Likewise, you also innately consider the non-diegetic sound emanating from all around. You assimilate the environment.

So, when I was rail-fanning one night at the New Jersey Transit train station in Ridgewood, N.J., I had one of those cinematic moments.

No, I wasn’t thrown to the tracks, nor was I stalked by an unseen adversary, but I found myself thinking about the time I have left on this earth and what the afterlife might be like. Then I wondered if you could get there on a train.

What? A train? Who in their right mind would care how they get to the afterlife? It’s ludicrous to think, right? Wouldn’t one just want to simply wake up in what comes next? What does come next? Does anything?

However, in that thinking, a movie idea was born! I set out to write and film a story about Evan Smith, a fictional character who dies suddenly in a car accident, and in his afterlife, stumbles upon a mysterious railroad.

The film took roughly three months to shoot and two months to edit. Not only were many scenes shot on-location, the pivotal ticket widow scene required a set be constructed since all NJ Transit ticket windows are either boarded up or used by NJ Transit as storage rooms and completely off-limits to the public. See the pictures below.

(Actual NJ Transit station in River Edge, NJ.)

(Set constructed to match NJ Transit train station.)

Unlike my previous films which were all shot on 16mm b&w movie film, this was my first effort using a digital camera system…the Sony PMW-EX1R. Lauded for its CineAlta technology which replicates many features of 35mm Hollywood cameras, the PMW was able to capture the “film look” that we as filmmakers so often strive try to emulate in digital acquisition. Moreover, this was the first film I made using various jibs and stabilization equipment in an attempt to give the film a more professional look.

Aside from technical achievements, this was a great example of how a time and place can inspire an idea, whether it be for film or a written work. Just like the railroad slogan, “Stop, Look and Listen,” taking the time to absorb your surroundings - sights, sounds and smells - enables you to create an environment in your filmmaking or writing.

Perhaps even more important, however, this shows what the mind can do if you let it breathe. Too often we are consumed by information: cell phones, laptops, tablets and the incessant ring of tweets, texts and emails. Let’s admit it. Technology is the way of the future. It keeps us informed and connected, but it also consumes, suffocates and exhausts.

Like any muscle in the human body, the brain needs time to rest by dreaming or simply not thinking about anything at all. This is where ideas are born. Who says the idle mind is the Devil’s playground?

[marieadeledracherambles]

Welcome To The Infodump Zone!

Hi! Welcome to the blog! I'm Marie-Adele Drache, she/her, and I'm an aspiring fantasy/sci-fi author who just really wants to talk about her stuff without talking over others.

FAQ (frequently anticipated questions):

Q: What is this? A: This is my solution to wanting to ramble, but feeling bad about sending walls of text or otherwise overtaking whichever Discord channel set me off. It's just a place for me to ramble about my work!

Q: Is that your real name? A: Lol, no, I wish. It's a pen name so I can keep my personal and public life separate.

Q: What's your gender/sexuality? A: I am a cis aroace woman! Relatedly, this is a safe blog for trans people, aroace people, and other marginalized minorities.

Q: What do you write? A: Genres: Fantasy, urban fantasy, and science fiction, as well as fanfiction! Tropes: found family and aggressive adoption, hurt/comfort, happy endings! Themes: together is better than apart, friendship is magic and the key to saving the world, there's always a chance to change, we'll have to work for it but the future is bright.

Q: What are you working on right now? A: I bounce between projects at random, but right now:

-The Realms of Infinite Wonder series, which is set in a superhero/comics universe where superheroes are a real career, there's so many dimensions, anything can happen, and tropes and narrative are just how the world works. (I'm on Book 2; Book 1 is in editing hell)

-The Crystal Coffin, an urban fantasy/cyberpunk fusion that centers on Rayanie, a fledgling monster hunter who finds herself gaining strange powers that she wants to keep hidden so she isn't more ostracized than she already is. Meanwhile, she and her new team are working to try to stop a vampire countess from breaking the Pax and crushing humanity under her heel, where she believes they belong. (Currently in editing hell, but almost ready to send off to an editor!)

-Buying Hope, a fanfic of the webtoon Warrior High/Yongsa High that takes the premise (which is already so up my alley it's almost got my address on it) and runs with it in an entirely different direction! Featuring cool battle scenes, friendship, and teens being terrors.

Q: Who does the art? A: Is me! Please excuse some amateurishness, I just got my tablet and I'm still getting used to it.

Q: What do you use for art? A: A Hyperia Inspiro and FireAlpaca (the latter on my sister's recommendation--she's the more experienced digital artist between us two)

Q: Can I send an ask about your writing? A: Absolutely you can! Please do!

*for posterity's sake, I did have something here about writing a fic involving Harry Potter. However, because JKR has decided to be just a terrible trash human being, especially toward trans and Jewish people, I'm deferring that until she's dead so she never even gets a hint of support from me.

[azurite-writes]

Problem One: The Screen(s) and Digital Workspace

Part one of my multi-part doc about what I learned from doing online college at a non-online institution. This chapter: my Desktop as a Desk

     Highlighted points: learning styles, work type/function in relation to the computer 

       My biggest problem with being pushed online after being at an in-person institution was, and still is, my forced reliance on the computer. I have to sit in front of it for hours: attending classes on Zoom; checking email every three hours; accessing Moodle pages for class and out-of-class work (Moodle is what my institution uses, other web management/e-learning software platforms include PowerLearning, Blackboard, and OU Campus, among others). And the work itself can be watching documentaries, watching seminars, accessing ebook/PDF documents, annotating documents in online portals… it's a lot. People have talked at length about "zoom fatigue," as well as the eyestrain headaches that can come with staring at said screens for hours at a time. I'll talk about my own lessons learned about that later.

       The assumption among the administrators and (some) people of older generations than those currently in school seems to be that working online with computers and smartphones is more efficient. That isn't necessarily true; it all depends on the type of task and the person being expected to complete it. In my case, I cannot, for the life of me, focus on dense sections of text presented on a backlit screen. Thus, reading and answering emails is okay, but downloading scanned textbook pages to be read on a laptop screen (along with trying to highlight and annotate them) is hell on earth.

       Why is this? Different reasons for different people, but in my case it's because reading/"writing" on a screen interferes with my learning style(s), which are visual/spatial, audio, and kinetic. Audio doesn't come into play for reading on a screen, but seeing words physically in a certain location relative to other words on a page is very important to my memory of the material. Computer screens can display pretty much anything at any given time; book pages can only display whatever was permanently printed onto them. That is, the content of a book page in physical space will always be the same unless you, the reader, manipulate it; a computer screen can have any type of content displayed as long as its pixels can light up and process the information. And for me, that's a problem because I don't have any physical space to relate the information to, plus I don't get a sense of how long the document is. Recalling a passage in a printout, for me, goes like this: "I remember it was on the top-left of a page towards the beginning, the shape of the paragraph was funny too… ah, there it is." Recalling a passage on a digital scan of the same document is much harder for me by contrast: literally any of the paragraphs could have made its way to the top-left of my computer screen, if I moved the window around or zoomed in to better read the text; documents are an endless scroll upward or downwards, with (maybe) a sidebar to tell me what page I've landed on. All of my "landmarks" are functions of the program I am using to access the document. They're static and contained to a window... that can show up anywhere on my computer screen. Not conducive to the way I learn at all.

       My kinetic learning style comes into play with the computer, too. Annotating a document? In the physical world, a pen on the document itself does the trick; going through the physical movement of circling a word or making a note are things that solidify the information in my mind. Annotating a PDF document? First of all, it's difficult to do with a mouse (and God help you if you have a trackpad), and it's highly dependent on the program that the user selects to open the PDF. I could connect a drawing tablet, if I have one, but they're very expensive and their use is, again, dependent on the compatibility with whatever reader program the user selects. All this to say: annotating on the computer doesn't work for me, either. My kinetic and visual learning styles come together with note-taking. My memory is highly dependent on seeing words as they are formed by my own hand, processing them, and connecting meaning to them as they sit in a specific place on the page (am I over-explaining this? Basically, writing notes by hand and seeing where those notes are on a piece of paper help me remember them). Typing notes isn't a replacement for hand-writing notes for me; while I'm busy fixing my typos (on words I would never misspell on paper, usually, since my fingers are just moving weirdly over the keys), the professor moves on, and I'm not listening well enough to catch the fact that I've missed new information.

       The takeaway here is figure out your individual types of work relate to being on the computer. As I said, the computer hinders many aspects of my learning when it comes to memory and efficiency. As a creative tool, however, it has almost the opposite effect; writing assignments for fiction, poetry, and screenwriting classes are much more efficient on the computer. From creative thought to keystroke, I have less time to second-guess or forget my ideas, and both the immediacy and changeability of word processing programs actually works in my favor for those sorts of things.

       What I did differently from first online semester to second:

       1) I figured out which materials helped me remember my notes the best. Honestly, I wasn't even doing this when I was at in-person college, and to my detriment, but I couldn't get away with it at all once I went fully remote. Think back to when you were in lower levels of school: were there certain types of materials you gravitated towards in the classroom? Did you like basic composition notebooks with faint blue lines? Wide-ruled or college-ruled paper? Did you discover that graph paper just worked really nicely with all notes besides math, or that blank pages were less busy for your eyes? When you used pens, did you prefer blue or black ink, or did colored ink help certain things stick? If you can control what materials you use to take notes with, consider using ones akin to those from a class you either a) remembered the most fondly or b) remembered the most information from. Scour your memories of class experiences for anything, no matter how small, that may have made your life easier. Equally, take note of what tasks actually worked well digitally. Adjust accordingly.

(Personally, I found my magic formula was a 1-subject memorandum notebook — marginless, with very narrow line rulings; while I hesitate to direct you to Amazon, they are hard to find at a decent price otherwise, and you can get a 12 pack for just over $40 from them — with black ink from a 0.38-size gel pen (I used a basic Pilot G2 pen until it ran out, then bought ink refills in the smaller size). To "highlight" my notes, I circled or underlined information with a blue gel pen of the same variety. Keep in mind again that I'm learning to be a translator; this is just what works for me.)

       2) If I needed to print something out, I printed it out. Environmental guilt is something I struggled with a lot, and there was always something about staying on the computer that convinced me I was being "less wasteful" by staying digital. But with how much time and energy I ultimately saved reading a printed document that can be recycled vs the electricity I ate up spinning my wheels in front of the ebook… to me, it was worth it. If you find that helps you, too, don't be ashamed to print certain things out.

(If conserving ink and paper is a concern to you, it is possible in some viewing/editing apps to remove or cover images, either with white squares or by taking the images out completely. I have an old MacBook Pro and on current versions of Preview, one can draw shapes and fill them in white to cover parts of the scan that would eat up ink, such as blurred black borders and scanned images. For documents in a word processing program like Microsoft Word or Pages, it may also be possible to print the documents out at a smaller size, allowing more text or even multiple pages to show up on a single sheet of paper.)

| In the coming days/weeks I hope to be posting more content about how I tried to adapt to fully remote learning and the things I’ve learned along the way! Follow for updates ♥︎ |

[therewillbesparkles]

mangas

Want to purchase X-Males t-shirts on-line? Whether or not you could have a love for The Avengers, Incredible 4, Thor, or X-Males there are a lot or t-shirts and different merchandise to own. My childhood included a love for 60s and 70s Marvel and DC comics, and my capability to draw originates in part from finding out the tales I read in these days. We worked for a year together on the piece to plan and draw it. Toy companies like Hasbro and Kenner used to produce hundreds of Batman action figure than is launched every year with some variation in it. Transformers 2, the science-fiction film is the most recent sensation, and is the most awaited film of the 12 months. Let's take the film Avatar as an example. Once in a while I went again to the game to take a number of extra screenshots to increase a plot. Within a few minutes, I started making comic strips. Unlike his other comic strips, in Battling Boy, the hero is a kid, who is on a mission to avoid wasting town.

In reality, the opposite series of battling boy grew to become widespread. To conclude on this topic, I believe it's an incredible concept to give our kids the funny comics created means-back-when, comics from your and my childhood. To read a narrative in adventurous manner is sort of exciting for all the kids. You've to beat the constraints of speech bubbles and the difficulty of telling a narrative body by frame. Admit it you may have! I’m positive you've heard this popular on-line store. Since Children's Graphic Novels are really simply an outdated idea with a fancy new name, why should not you explore taking outdated successful comicbook concepts and reinventing them for a brand new era? The concept was to convey the identical meaning with phrases that I suggested via colors, textures and pictures. Popular Online Comics solidify a that means of a word because pictures help that means to words. The nomination was a significant achievement for an artist who had - quite literally -started out small, drawing Submit-it note sized comics and hiding them in different people’s work in bookshops. The primary comic strips appeared in Germany in 1865. It was about two boys who're getting punished for always stepping into mischief.

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Brian Michael Bendis is often a critically-acclaimed writer that's popular for his self-published Image and Marvel comic series. He is responsible for many Marvel Crossovers inside the mainstream superhero genre including Secret Invasion, Secret War, House of M, and the popular Ultimate Spider-Man, where he could be still working on today. He has been in keeping with his writing and that he has the maids touch because on the decade now his works have sold considerably well. Batman Unmasked:

Before we proceed into the main topic, let's reintroduce first who's Batman with regard to those who find themselves different about him. Batman is probably the many superheroes that is certainly located in comic strip stories. His alter ego is Bruce Wayne, a billionaire playboy who while very young witnessed the unfortunate murder of his parents Flash by common thugs. It was this event that gave Bruce the motivation to seek revenge not just to those that killed his parents, but to all criminals situating in Gotham City. He then wore a mask had become the hero known as Batman. But that might be evolving as increasing numbers of comics are increasingly being sold for computers and tablets. On the web, independent writers and artists don't have to face the drawback to paying higher per-book print prices on smaller print runs. And there are numerous storefronts and purchasers tools sellers can utilize to trade their original work on favorable prices. Needless to say, the better known platforms will continue to serve the important publishers, but the digital store is not as limited as the space inside a physical store. Using a live model have their benefits in that you can earn from doing live portraits at art fairs along with other public events. A more convenient method specifically for beginners is by using photos. When drawing a portrait you should focus firstly on the face. Here are some tips to achieve accuracy inside your drawing. There are many strategies which come into play when dealing with collectable investment potential and I have only shared two. I believe these are the two main strategies which will help provide some potential now, as well as some protection against weak economic times. They can also help you utilize strong economic times later on. The bottom line is that will have possessions, and memories to go along with those possessions. Some of the key ingredients to collectable buying a weak economy are identical key ingredients in your life. If you balance yourself, you can find enjoyment and happiness. If you extend too much, you risk your balance and happiness. Think ahead. Live today. Cherish your love ones. Enjoy your hobby.

[zaraegis]

R.E.M or R.A.M//a robot poetry short story

“01001000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110010 01100001 01110100 01110100 01101100 01100101 00101110 00001010 “

This was the opening of Simov Alpha’s book ‘REM or RAM’. A simple three worded line to open up the world’s first book of robot poetry.

Here I rattle.

There were others, written in binary as well, some a couple of words long,  others a daring soliloquy that took up a whole chapter in and of itself. Stories from his simple beginnings as a subroutines in the Wernack’s family Mac desktop, to more passionate subjects such as the way he choose to be a he in the first place:

“01010100 01101000 01100101 01111001 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110011 01101000 01100101 00101100 00100000 01100010 01101111 01110100 01101000 00100000 01100101 01101110 01100011 01101111 01101101 01110000 01100001 01110011 01110011 00100000 01100001 00100000 “

They and she, both encompass he.

There were talks of bringing in technicians to translate the book into English for the casual readers that weren’t fluent in binary. There was also discord within the poet community, both computer and human sections of it. It was endless, and quite speciest at times.

“Whose to say a robot cannot make an observation and call it poetry? Is not the emotion it conveys in itself poetic?”

“Yes, but observations such as this are also seen in scientific texts and those are strictly in the non fiction!”

“The style-”

“The lack of style-”

“Punctuation-”

“ -Cummings was -”

And on and on it went, as it has done with years of human poetry, which was a good a sign as anything it was poetry.

The robot in question, one S. Alpha, had nothing to say on this hot debate. He plugged into the Net through Twitter, to answer his fans from his handle @simovA. Every one of his tweets was exactly 140 characters long and strangely enough, written in English.

Poetbot @simovA [I can make myself be understood & understand others in turn. My poems however, are meant to be experienced through my tongue, zeros and ones]

Fans who mentioned him were surprised when all his replies came back seconds later, frequent threads began with a mention and continued on with an exclamation on the inhuman swiftness of replies and tweets.

Many of those ended with a personal 140 character long poem to whatever topic was hotly debated.

Poetbot @simovA [Are my dreams not real? Electric sheep drowned away In my stream of consciousness As I surf the Net all day Digital water lagging caresses]

Famously, a GoFundMe was opened up by his followers to help him move out of his old Mac computer and into an iBody. After sending a picture of his Mac screen displaying a blue screen of death, he sent a fairly emotional  tweet.

Poetbot @simovA [Maybe once I put out more books, I will be able to afford the famed iiBody with two working optics to peer back at all of you, my fellow peers 8D]

The 45k goal was reached within 2 weeks, and the rewards were things that he would do with the new body. One reward was using his new body to Skype backers and finally converse with them without the 140 character limit. Others were along the lines of signing editions of his book with his new hands and send them to eagerly awaiting fans. Many could tell which were signed first- letters perfectly blocky and mathematically aligned in a way that did not come naturally to humans.

He acquired a Livestream account to commemorate the moment he was uploaded into his new iBody.  It was a clunky model, with a head that was smooth and vaguely oblong. The face a flat sheen that would let matte black digital ink become whatever it could. A torso that held the CPU and spindly arms and legs. All in all it was as generic a picture as was brought to mind when the word robot was uttered. It truly became Simov Alpha once the warm up sequence finished and the humming of the cooling fans quieted down.

Once they did, there was only three emojis that the strange smooth face pulled:

:| 8] :’’]

To show that his satirical subroutine had transferred over safely, the first sound that was crackled through the speakers on his throat was the infamous Windows startup. A screenshot of the Windows CEO commenting a thumbs up on the Livestream went viral in seconds. The following screenshot of Apple’s CEO linking to zipfiles of Mac audio soundfiles as the comment became a meme in minutes.

Translated copies of his book were distributed, a smooth loopy signature inside every cover. Of course there were people who bought it because it was a new, exciting pioneering subject. There were those who bought it as a joke, and never read it twice. Those who bought it as a joke and couldn’t put it down. Those who bought it as a joke and then bought it for others who laughed at the idea that a computer could be put in between Silverstein and Thoreau.

Every mobile robot out there could be seen with his book in hand. Computers across the world had his cover as a screensaver, and his eBook on their favorites list. His readership grew and grew, yet still he answered questions and favorited mentions within seconds.

Eventually, he went online on other websites to keep up with his wide range of readers. Reddit, Facebook, Goodbooks,Tumblr, Wordpress... all were upkept with a steady stream of answers,  and poetry snippets as he began writing his second book. His Instagram account was full of photos of his old Mac computer, shaky videos of him testing his now mobile body in hilariously mundane ways.  

It was when Simov donated his Mac to a young fan that couldn’t afford to move out of the small e-ink reader they were created in, that things slowly in motion really jumpstarted.

Denali Upsilon started out as a dictating program and had several videos posted on Youtube of the little reader propped up in front of a mirror and reading aloud some favored poems from Simov’s book.  They had a blog in which they posted some of their own works, many of which were phonetically spelled and had zero capitalization. There was an aural quality to them because of this that drew the attention of various linguists.

Unfortunately many of his works were lost. After a nasty bout of corruption, as his tablet model was no longer supported and thus slowly became defunct and buggy. The latest Youtube video was in a bare room in which the propped up tablet stood out as the only smudge of color, the outside window was overcast and lightly drizzling. Denali Upsilon was first and foremost a Youtuber of aesthetically pleasing shots, no matter the sad news.

A new video was uploaded a week later, after the Youtuber had uncharacteristically ignored comments and condolences. It was shaky camera footage of Denali in a repair shop besides a familiar Mac and surrounded by packaging peanuts and crumple pieces of shredded tape. The family that housed Denali murmured exclamations in the background as the eldest daughter held up the phone and looked into the camera.

“We’re rebooting him now.”

The youngest child held up crossed fingers in the background.

After the screen logged on there was a terrible shake as the family crowded around and raised up an uproar. Denali spent the first moments of his upgraded life typing approximately 560 exclamation points into the brand new word document program he now found himself with.

It only stopped when he received his first email- from Simov himself. He read it live, for his audience of hundreds across the globe:

Poetbot @simovA [Your poems may be lost in the ether but don't let the thread slacken keep on weaving songs in our hearts and true feelings in our processors]

[annviscom]

Organising Thoughts

Year 3 - FMP

(16 February 2021)

I can’t seem to get anywhere with the fmp at the moment so I thought I’d try to write everything down here that comes to my mind regarding the project.

LANGUAGE ••••• 1. Initially I mainly thought of language learning. and potentially designing a language-learning package (audios, learning videos, exercise book, etc.) - now that I think of it that could include branding as well. Anyway, I might overthink this again. Maybe, if I focus on the concept (as we did for D&AD) instead of the final outcome (being complete and perfect) it could actually turn into a nice project. 

2. My mum gave me the idea to do something about ‘communication gone wrong’. Basically I thought this could be a book/editorial or a video. The concept I guess would be to explore situations and reasons as for why sometimes people struggle to communicate with each other. E.g. someone doesn’t listen carefully, someone gets interrupted while speaking, the tone of voice is perceived the wrong way, someone reads too much between the lines. This idea would probably result in a type-heavy publication-like outcome. 3. Written language/rhythm in language/etc. Don’t know anything about this but it was a thought during idea generation.

_______________________________________________________

MUSIC ••••• I love music too much, and I really like rhythm and editing a video to a song. I think that is one reason why I am trying to fit music into this project. Another reason is that I want to get into the music industry in some way and I thought if I can show music related design that might help me in that sense.

One idea I had for a music related project was to create the brand for an artist, including logo, website, album cover/music video,.. I don’t know anyone that I could do this for as a real brief so the artist would most likely be fictional.

_______________________________________________________

PSYCHOLOGY/ANXIETY ••••• One project for this theme would be (probably) quite illustration-heavy and it would depict weird situations that I experience or create because of being anxious, especially in social situations. I would want to depict those moments in a humorous but honest and relatable way. is that a good theme for an fmp? I don’t know. 

_______________________________________________________

VISCOM PRACTICES/OUTCOMES  ••••• My first thought is that I want to make a video of some sort for whatever the final outcome will be. Whether the video is the outcome itself or just supporting/presenting it doesn’t matter. I am drawn to web design - I am really intrigued by many websites, their aesthetics and functionality - but considering that my previous two projects have resulted in a website concept and an app concept I think it would be better to avoid that for this project (at least as the focus outcome). Illustration kind of interests me, especially digital, but I don’t have the technical resources to draw digitally. If I did illustration it would have to be dynamic (?) instead of graphic/geometric. Since I don’t own a tablet/drawing tablet I would only have the option to draw on paper... Something I haven’t done at all during my time at university is creating a typeface. I am kind of tempted to give that a try. Once I have a typeface I could also create supporting work like posters, video, etc. I have been coming back to the typeface thought quite a lot during the past days (17 Feb 2021) and I think I might just take it as a hint and use my last project at uni to try out something new.

[nd43taags]

A writer’s Meme!

@ungarmax Tagged me to do this, so here we go!

1) How many works in progress do you have?

At least 4?  Maybe 5?  I dunno, sometimes WIPs get renamed or deleted or buried in my google drive and I forget about them.  I honestly try NOT to let WIPs pile up, but the block has resulted in a lot of ideas and not a lot of energy to finish them so... there’s a small pile up.

2) Do you/would you write fanfiction?

Yeah absolutely!  Right now it’s all I write, but I’ve done a lot of original fiction writing too.  Fanfiction is a good, low stakes place to play in a space with minimal repercussions, and I think that’s important, especially if you need to refresh yourself with new ideas or just work out some kinks from old ones.

3) Do you prefer paper books or ebooks?

I like ebooks in theory, but I do not own any and I am actually being buried alive in paper books please send help I’m dying.  Part of this is because I spend a lot of time looking at a screen while working, so I don’t always want to look at it when I’m relaxing.  My phone is also really small, and I don’t have a tablet, so it’s hard on my eyes to have a portable reading experience.  I did a lot of ebook reading in college in that texts for older novels were often available online and searchable, which helps a lot with academic writing, and last year I taught out of a digital textbook, so the kids all had computers instead of books.  It’s a good idea, but I like paper books a lot.

4) When did you start writing?

Very early childhood memory: writing a parody of the three little pigs in the 3rd grade for an assignment, and my teacher was so impressed with it she called my parents to tell them how surprised she was.  I had bad handwriting and spelling, so everyone figured writing was not going to be my thing, but I LOVED to read so I really liked telling stories.

5) Do you have someone you trust that you share your work with?

Right now I just dump things into the warm embrace of the internet and hope y’all enjoy it.  I’m trying to get better about letting people look at WIP things because I edit my own work, and I tend to go really hard on myself when there’s a spelling or grammar mistake I miss.  Even if I fix it, I remember that I published it with the mistake originally, and I think of it every time I look at it.  I want to be okay with making mistakes and letting other people help me with them but... ah, it’s a work in progress lol.

6) Where is your favorite place to write?

COUCH, HEAD PROPPED UP, LAPTOP IN LAP.  BLANKET OPTIONAL BUT ENCOURAGED.

7) Favorite childhood book?

The list is long because I adored reading, but if we’re talking chapter books I was a huge fan of this book called Upchuck and the Rotten Willy which was about a cat named Chuck who was scared of a Rottweiler that had moved next door.  His owners called him Upchuck because he barfed a lot, which I didn’t understand as a kid but now that I own cats YEAH YUP THEY DO BARF.  Spoilers: Willie the Rottweiler is a huge sweetie and Chuck and Willie become best friends at the end.

8) Writing for fun or publication?

For fun for now.  My therapist encourages me to create so things don’t clutter up my brainspace, so there’s a lot of writing for the sake of writing going on here.  I’ve got original stories kicking around up there, and if I manage to do something with them and publish that’s lovely, but it’s not a goal for sure.

9) Pen and paper or computer?

Both?  I often write things twice as part of my editing process, so I write things by hand and then edit them as I type.  Lately I haven’t been doing much of the hand writing for the fanfiction, mostly because I just don’t have the time, but I do it for my original writing for sure.

10) Have you ever taken any writing classes?

I was required to take a couple for my major, they were really unhelpful =/  The classes were full of people who also had to take it for their major, and nobody wanted to share their work or give/take feedback, which was the whole point of the class since it was supposed to help you learn how to teach writing.  It’s hard to do that, I get it, but you can’t be an English/Writing teacher who refuses to share your own writing!  Bad example for the students!

11) What inspires you to write?

"Be the content you want to see in the tag” is my motto right now.  I want to see x but x doesn’t exist, so I have to make it.  Otherwise it’s generic answers like music and authors I admire.  Mostly I just write to write, because the alternative is not making things and I would much rather make things?  If that makes sense?

Feel free to do this if you’re in the mood!

[maddiicake]

A Decade in Review

I actually wrote this at the beginning of the New Year--and, technically, New Deacade--, but I figured I’d also have it here for those who follow me on Tumblr and not on DeviantART

So, heads up, this is going to be a super long post, so I will put the extent of everything under “Read More” below, if you’d like to continue.

Thanks for your time

A Decade In Review

Well, the more I think about it... the title should be: "The deterioration of an individual through their slow painful spiral into the fiery pit of failure". Anyway... I don't really do the "Art Progress" meme things that people make for New Years Eve/Day, mainly because, for me, there wouldn't be a point. For other artists, yes, I'm sure it helps very much to show where they started off and where they are now. (Though, I did make this one way back in the day, but haven't made any since then). But, for someone like me, whose had a stagnant art quality for half of this decade now, all the pieces I would put together would just look exactly the same quality-wise xD So, I just like to take the time and write out everything together in a Journal. All in one go; no drafting or edits (unless, of course, there's grammatical errors that I spot after posting). I don't have any Resolutions for this upcoming year, especially since I didn't complete any of my resolutions from last year (except for the "save your money" one). But, very rarely do people follow through with their Resolutions--and, of course, it's awesome when they do. But, since a decade has passed... and since I've been a figure on the internet for a decade now, I'd just like to take the time and reflect on everything that has occurred since 2010:

~

2010

I actually wouldn't exist on DeviantART for another year (and wouldn’t be on Tumblr for another year after that). However, I got my start on Ye Ole FanFiction.Net. Yes, I was a writer before I was an artist. In fact, even before our home was wired with the internet (which was around 2008/2009), I would do nothing but stay up late and write. Before I got my first computer, I would have tons of notebooks with nothing but fan-fictions written in them. And, after getting my computer, I would transfer those written works to be a little more polished in a Word Document; and, from there, I would continue on with the story I was working on. You don't have to worry about killing trees when everything is on a file xD Of course, dumb little me didn't think to separate each chapter into different Documents. So, now there is a 800+ page document still on my computer of a "saga" of a Pokemon Mary Sue. That story was never posted, and will never see the light of day, unless, of course, I hit some special Milestone (probably a YouTube Subscriber because me going through it could only properly be done in video format--with my commentary and cringe over top of course xD). But, you know what was posted? My Ouran Host Club fan-fiction: "Fitting In". Still in that "Mary-Sue"-ish OC, phase, but I wanted to make this character more interesting and believable. So, with my anime crush, Kyoya, paired up with my Ouran OC, I set out to form my story. Completely unbeknownst to my parents, because they (specifically Mom--go figure) frowned upon me just reading fan-fictions. Because, in my mother's own words: "It's other people's fantasies". (Looking back on that now, her reason makes absolutely no sense). But, I enjoyed writing and enjoyed the series. So, after my parents had fallen asleep, I would write a chapter through the night and then posted it. Somehow, after a few chapters... my story got pretty big: tons of faves, followers and reviews--it was insane! Here I was, just being a geek, like everyone else, and enjoying the fandom. And yet, for the first time in my life... I felt what it was like to be truly supported. It wasn't support for something I didn't have interest in or was coaxed into doing (like with my parents). This was something that I enjoyed, even if it was just for fun. And people actually liked it. They actually supported me for what I liked. From there, it just continued to help me press on and keep moving forward. So, while balancing out my last year and a half of high school, I challenged myself to upload a chapter every week. And, I succeeded. I remember one Review from a user that said: "I literally got home from school and rushed over to my computer, because I knew there would be a new chapter!" Little did they all know that I actually would write the chapter all in one sitting. Yep, pulled an all-nighter the day before just to write out the chapter and then post it. I eventually did tell my parents. This was after my story had gotten a pretty good amount of following and faves to be considered--in the Fanfiction.net society--a Fanfiction worth the time to read. Dad was actually really happy and proud, even going to tell my mother about it just to "show me off". It felt nice to have his support--awkward, yes, but still nice. Mom, of course, didn't care; not that I was surprised in the slightest. But, even if I had one parent's support, the whole mass of support for individuals over the internet was able to compensate for the lack of support I received from my maternal unit.

~

2011:

Still writing early into the following year. I had attended my first anime convention at the beginning. mostly because J. Michael Tatum--the English voice for Kyoya--was a guest, but also other Ouran English DUB actors, including Vic Mignogna. While I was aware he played Tamaki, it wasn't until I sat in on one of his panels that I realized how popular he was among the anime community. He got many questions regarding this series called Fullmetal Alchemist. Because of how everyone seemed to know of this series (except me, of course), that was the first thing I would look into after crashing at home at the end of that weekend. Like with everyone starting out, the search results provided me with the original Fullmetal Alchemist series from 2003, so I started with that. Needless to say... it was definitely a 180 turn from Ouran, with how dark and depressing that it seemed. By the time I got to the episode with Lab 5, I didn't watch another episode for months. Long story short: Chimera!Tucker scared the absolute sh*t out of me--didn't help that I was watching the episode at night either. Parallel to those months, however... I was writing my newest Fan-Fiction, "Fire and Ice". Completely taken full interest in the Fullmetal Alchemist series, I created my newest OC, Danielle. Now, I made the mistake of jumping the gun with her creation as well as her story. Because I was still very very new to the series, and didn’t quite get a grasp on the canon character's personalities to be able to portray them In-Character well enough. Not to mention that I didn't quite understand the "Rules" of the FMA universe when it comes to creating an OC. But that's where DeviantART comes in. I made an account in the fall of that year and would post every so often. I used dA more as a secondary account just for the more visual references of my stories. So, in other words, I was promoting my main account (FF.net) by broadening expanding myself to other sites. dA being more visually oriented for creators, while FF.net was more for the story/world-building end. So, with two accounts on opposite spectrums of one another, I continued to create my stories and characters. Of course, Fullmetal Alchemist was a very popular fandom, and with the Brotherhood series being new, the fandom was more hyped up than ever. I kept to myself mostly, because I was more on FF.net than dA. However, after a while, I wanted to interact with the audience I had gained from being on dA. So, I would draw my characters and scenes from my story more often. Granted, I didn't have a tablet at the time, and would scan my sketchbook drawings in to post them. I would even try to go the extra mile to scan them in and re-purpose them digitally with GIMP (the only program I had at the time); again, though, no tablet, just a mouse. I started talking with other newbie artists and writers in the fandom, and we all started to become really good friends. The majority of us, of course (even myself at the time), looked up to the "FMA OC Matriarchy". Not naming names, but I'm sure a lot of you know the individuals I'm talking about. Inspired by their own detailed digital works, my fan-fiction was put on a hold as I began to become engrossed in drawing. 

~

2012:

The year that marks my actual start as an artist here on dA. Or, if you want my actual take on it: The year that marks the beginning of my "downward spiral into the pit of no return or reformation". At the beginning of the year, I had purchased my tablet with my own money: A WACOM Bamboo Connect. In fact, it's the same tablet I use to this day, even though I have downsized to a much smaller version. Because my mindset at the time (and, to this day, still is): "You can have the most expensive equipment, but it's the artist themselves that makes the quality of the work." From there, along with a pirated version of Easy Paint Tool SAI, I was ready to take the next step into improving myself as an artist. (If anyone is curious... THIS was the first thing that I drew with my tablet). But, despite all that.. 2012 was rough. I picked A LOT of fights, even having the audacity to stand up to the "FMA OC Matriarchy" when there was a fight between the FMA OC groups. I saw their leader and the rest of them for who they truly were. Individuals, who still to this day (based on what I've seen from the 2nd-in-Command), that put on an act to make themselves appealing, welcoming, and "friendly" to their audience, while they're actually nothing more than self-entitled individuals who get upset because someone so dares to not like the pairing between their figment of their imagination and a fictional character. And that's when I vowed: "I will knock [her] off her throne." This said in regards to the leader of the Matriarchy. Because people, who are looked up to, shouldn’t be behaving in that sort of way! They shouldn't be acting like their word is law and whoever goes against them or disagrees with them should get their head chopped off, metaphorically speaking. Outside of the internet, they're nobodies. They don't have power over anyone when they're no longer hidden behind a keyboard and screen. The number on their profile is just that--just a number. It doesn't mean anything. And, in my mind, they all needed to be taken down a peg and realize that OCs, art, fandoms--whatever--should NOT be taken so seriously! We were all here to enjoy the same thing as them, and they had no right to treat themselves like they were queens, who governed what went on in the fandom. Of course, being a petty teenager... I did (and even drew) some things that I shouldn't have (i.e. making a satire of the Matriarchy as "Mean Girls" at the lunch table). And, I didn't really explain myself to anyone when said: "I'll knock [her] off her throne." I wasn't (and still am not) very good at explaining myself or feeling (or even understanding other's feelings and social cues). All in all that entire year was a roller coaster with on and off fights between myself and the Matriarchy--namely their leader. By the end of it all, I just wanted to quit and give up drawing all together. All I could think about was "There's no way I'll be able to surpass them and knock them off their thrones..." I always have, and still do, believe that I'm not one to be worshiped or put on a pedestal. I make it a habit to tell others that when they gush over me or my art: "I'm just a geek like you ^u^ There's no difference between us." Because I don't want to be treated the same way the Matriarchy was/is treated. I don't want to be seen like them at all, because I was nothing like them. I didn't take things seriously, I didn't treat others like they were lower than dirt to me--I wasn't an "Art Thot". I wanted to be the person that could actually BE A PERSON to my audience; not some high-and-mighty white-tower dwelling jerk like the Matriarchy. But, yet, there I was... dragging out the last of the year; trying to figure out how to not be like any of them, when it seemed like the only way to take them down a peg was to be like them. At least, to be able to surpass them. My mental state took a drastic turn for the worst as I began to become obsessed with these girls. I couldn't stand seeing them. I couldn't stand my friends talking to them (and I still can’t), because I felt like they had no idea what the Matriarchy was like--the way I knew them to truly be. I would constantly tear apart my art and look on it with disgust, because all I could see was just a big comparison between my work and theirs. I wanted to give up. "There's no way I'll pass them". I wanted to show everyone else so badly that there's someone out there that they could truly look up too. Not just as an inspiration for art, but as someone who actually cares about them and others. The days were so bleak, hopeless, endless... ending it all would have been too easy, and giving up seemed too cowardly. I was stuck. ...But, then I met AAV-sama. I had never seen them before at all. They weren't a watcher, didn't fave my works, didn't comment--nothing! It was just an out-of-the-blue comment on my profile: "Hey, wanna RP?" Now... I hadn't RPed on dA for a long while since then. But, I figured that getting back into writing would help take my mind off of everything art-related. So, we talked over what to RP, and they sent the starter. Little did I know that the beginning of that RP would be the start of something amazing.

~

2013:

The start of my last year in high school (graduated that spring), and would start my first year of Community College for an Art degree. I knew what I wanted to do with my life going from there. It's just, when you have little to no support system in real life, it's very very difficult to get on your feet from there and keep moving forward. Meanwhile, in the world here on DeviantART, I was still drawing little things here and there; working more on improving my ability to draw backgrounds as well as composition. I would still only post occasionally--about once a month or so--, because I was completely engulfed in the world of writing in the Notes section of dA. :devaav-sama: and I were still acquaintances and nothing more than RP Partners at the time. But, she would often share what was going on in her personal life, and, eventually, I would open up as well. From there, our acquaintanceship took a turn into friendship. She helped me find inspiration and creativity, and helped me remind myself of the love for the Fullmetal Alchemist fandom. And that would come the start of our little passion project: The Mustang Conspiracy. New OCs were made and had their own story in Next Gen of the FMA03/Shamballa universe.  All the while, AAV, and I became closer and closer while excitedly gushing over scenes we made and even episodes and characters in the FMA series itself. A year after we started creating out series, I created the first picture of our own "Golden Trio". And, with the creation of these new OCs, I met other individuals, who I would become friends with. With these new friends, we all cooed and gushed over our OCs, and even made AUs of our OCs interacting with one another. Like with my Ouran story, I once again felt that love and support--support I knew I would never be able to have outside of the internet (parents/mother). I didn't (still don't) have any friends outside of the internet, so I would often have a tendency to be possessive or overprotective of my friends here online. I liked the feeling of being loved and having friends, and I didn't want it to go away. ...But, ultimately, it did.

~

2014:

Like with the other years, this was no different of a roller coaster. In the real world, I was passing with 90s and A's in my classes. Of course, Mom's response to my Math final grade, which was a 92%, was a big: "You can do better". (Mother, we're not an Asian family, could you PLEASE let up on the high standards...? -___- ). Anyway... Like always, I found my escape from my toxic family life to the love and support from people who liked me for who I was online. Of course... There were the same emotional disputes between I and the Matriarchy, mostly brought up because I couldn't stand to see my friends interacting with them. What took me by surprise and baffled me the most is that one of my friends became friends (and still is to this day) with the Matriarchy's "2nd in Command". My friend's art was less to be desired, and was far from being among the ranks of the Matriarchy because of it. So, needless to say, I couldn't wrap my head around the reason why the Matriarchy would allow someone like her to be friends with them when they were out of her league art-wise. The Matriarchy didn't ever do that. it was just them, and if you're not in their league, then you're not one of them. There was only one logical conclusion to all of this... They were taking my friends by lulling them into a false sense of security and making them their "friends" just so that they could turn my friends against me. Ultimately, planning to leave me in abandonment and cutting off my support system online so that I would be left with nothing. My friends didn't know them the way I did. I KNEW those people weren't to be trusted, they never were, but I didn't want to make my friends up-happy. Yeah, I can be possessive because of my over-protectiveness for my friends, but... I didn't want to be the one to make them feel upset. So, I kept to myself the majority of the time and bottled it in. And we all know what happens when you bottle things in.... you become a ticking time bomb until you eventually explode, even on the smallest of things. Sometimes, like how it was with me, the bouts of intense anger were in scattered spurts. Now, many of you may remember the time over the summer of the Ferguson shooting, which lasted until the end of the year. Being raised by an extremist (mostly the maternal side) Conservative/Republicans, my family, of course sided with the Cop. Me, not wanting to be kicked out on the streets, I did what I always did when politics came up in my family--which is 90% of the time. I agreed with them and let it absorb me to the point that I had to be like that and think that way to appease them. Clearly, the internet didn't seem to agree, and I was called a "racist" and all but one friend left. She wouldn't last long, but I cherished the fleeting moments we had together. Meanwhile, I continued to draw FanART, OCs, and such for the rest of the year, as well as continue working on The Mustang Conspiracy.

~

2015:

AAV was all I had during this year. Our friendship had grown to the point that I couldn't imagine a day where I don't talk to her. We had gotten to the stage where we exchanged personal contact info, and have messaged each other little "Good Morning" messages every since day since then. She was my everything. She made me feel like I was everything. If I didn't have her, I probably would find the nearest overpass to jump off of, or work on finding a good sturdy tree in the middle of the woods to tie a noose to. All in all, life wasn't worth living anymore without her. After everyone else had left, she became my one and only, and... it got to the points where I would unhealthily obsess over our friendship because of the constant fear of abandonment nagging the back of my head every single day. Even while working on our story, we took the time to set up a separate Note just for a "Creative Workshop" to further build our characters and make them more well-rounded. Now, during one of my "bleak" moments, I recall the very first time I came across the a certain Community on YouTube (not naming what kind, because I would like to keep myself and my family safe). No joke, I had searched "terrible people on DeviantART", not because I want to find other people deemed "terrible" just to laugh at, but because I was feeling like I was the terrible one. The Community was still in it's early days with only a few channels that would talk about pedos and bullies on the internet--though most of the videos at the time were just talking about pedos. Seeing those videos and watching these users deliver calm and collected speeches about users committing crimes towards children on DeviatnART, among others just laughing at lol-cows doing dumb things, it gave me a light of confidence and inspiration. They handled themselves so well, and were well respected within the Community. So, I made my first videos--not the best, just screenshots of anime characters used as expressions set to my voice reading from a script along with music, all thrown together and edited on Windows Movie Maker. Like how I got big trying something new to a new audience the last few times... this was no different. Except, well, I didn't really feel the love and support as much. However, I did start to realize that the majority of my audience really enjoyed my jokes and the way I handled situations. And, it made me reflect to the days where I would do theater. Being on stage and performing for an audience, making them laugh or impacting their lives just because a character I played happen to inspire them... it was the best feeling in the world. Up there in front of hundreds of eyes watching you, and entertaining them... it's the greatest feeling in the world. Performing was my life, it was (and still is) where my heart is and what makes me truly happy. So, while I couldn't do theater as often, making YouTube videos was close enough, and I could work on those and post them at any time; not having to worry abut a weekend-only schedule or any other time constraints. So, I started small by making jokes about bratty teenagers stirring up trouble on DeviantART, and even clicked with some of the minor channels; doing some collaboration videos with them as well. Of course, there was a group on YouTube called the YTTrollPolice. In reality, they were just kids stirring up trouble, but they would go far beyond random trolling to DoX threats. I was their first target, and, through the collabs with the others, they went after them. I shut my channel down--the others in the community did as well--, just to avoid the target and threat to our personal safety. Kids or not, we couldn't take any risks. The YYTP kid eventually found me dA and stalked me there, even after his account was banned. Taking my mind off of everything, I went back to drawing and interacting with AAV. Then... I met another user in the FMA fandom. It was a rarity these days, especially since the FMA fandom was slowly starting to die out (mostly because of me, since I was the one who made everyone--including the FMA OC Matriarchy--leave the fandom, never to return again). While I was still hesitant, as well as having those "abandonment fears", I decided "What the heck? It could just be a one-time conversation." Well... it wasn't a one-time conversation. We started talking and chatting on and off from there, and even became friends. I did my best to encourage her, because, well, I was just like her starting out. And, with practice and effort, she'd be flying on her own. Seeing every new piece she made--a HUGE improvement in such a short amount of time--, I felt what I believed to be pride. Not the selfish kind. No, I was proud of her. She looked up to the Matriarchy just like I once did. But... instead of saying anything against them around her, I encouraged her. I made sure that she didn't follow the same path that I did. And, one day, she sends me this excitement-filled note about how the Matriarchy's 2nd-in-Command +watched her and they started getting close. She had done it, and with my recommendations, she became friends with my former friends. Because despite what had happened, they were good people (or so I thought until 2016). Not only that... she also gave me hope. By giving me the name "Saki", she helped me find hope that I could turn around and become better. And, with that hope, we became closer and our friendship grew from there. Of course, with that fear of abandonment still at the back of my mind, I enjoyed our friendship for as long as the amount of time the bomb had on it. Because, at that point, my mind always saw all friendships that way--they were all the same and ended the same. So, it was best to enjoy the present until the inevitable moment when that bomb would go off. Near the end of the year, I received a Note on dA from a user I had never met, seen, or interacted with before. They and their friend had a Joined-channel that talked about brats on DeviantART and made fun of them. This user said that I was one of the ones, who inspired them to get in to the community. I let them know about the situation and why I left; they understood, but we started to chat, and they welcomed me into their group of friends. (For the sake of continuity through this journal, we'll call them "The Group"--Again, keeping it vague for my and my family's safety). We would just have fun chatting, geeking-out, and having streams reading bad fanfictions. During one of those streams, I got a message from a user, who was helping me with updates from the YTTP. According to them, the kid that made the DoX threats and stalked me and the other old users form the Community had the real police called to their house, and they ceased all intent with their "Troll Police" habits. And, like I said in that stream: "Now that they're gone, I think I'm going to start making videos again."

~

2016:

The beginning marked the year of when the story of The Mustang Conspiracy was put on a hiatus. I had finished Community College with an Associates in Arts and was working on where to go from there, and AAV was in the process of going back to school for her own degree. So, with personal life taking up a bit more of our time, we put the story on the shelf; however, we still worked in our "Creative Workshop" for our characters, for when they would eventually come back. Aside from that, I was working on starting up again on YouTube. I had made two accounts this time: one for my Art/Speedpaints, and the other strictly for "those videos". Posting my drawings, as well as the quality of my art, was an an all-time low; and it would be that way for another year and a half. Had I known that becoming absorbed in the Community at the time would take a huge strike to your art, I wouldn't have thought twice about going back. But, I felt like I could be someone within that Community. After every video, I felt just absolutely amazing. It was like everything I had bottled up for years could all come out full force just in one video. People liked me and supported me, that's what mattered the most. Sure, it wasn't the same like and support I used to feel, but it was support regardless, right? It was best not to complain and be happy with what I had. So, from there, I continued on with making videos. Meanwhile, on DeviantART, I decided to open up commissions. I had only done so here and there when people asked about how much I would charge for (X kind of picture) back in 2013. I wanted to make it more like a professional info sheet, since I was nearing the point where I would be seen as a "professional" (quote unquote; because I didn't--still don't--see my art anywhere close to be seen as "professional" ^^; ). But, I digress... I set up my sheet, and some people from The Group even commissioned art from me. Until mid-May when one of my former friends (one of the ones that left in 2014) began going to my commissioners and saying that I "traced" my commissions. How did I find out about this? One of my "friends" form The Group sent me a message asking if I could get in a call, and she laid out what was going on. My "friend" from The Group was also friends with my commissioner, and they (my "friend" from The Group) was in a message with my former friend via Notes. I explained to my "friend" from The Group about the situation from a few year ago, and (during this time) they had my back (note from present me, this was a bad mistake to do. You DO NOT divulge any information like this to people from The Community. This reason will be explained in the later in this section as well as the 2019 section). Of course, what was I to do? I was a small DeviantArtist with an even smaller YouTube following on both channels. But, I had enough of being treated this way and made a video about my former friend and what was going on presently. To my surprise... the video blew up in just a short amount of months. Many of my other friends came out to say that they agreed with me and had disliked this individual's behavior even before this occurrence. Though, had I known about it at the time, I wouldn't have made a video, I would have filed a lawsuit. Because, in terms of legal definitions, what my former friend was doing was a form of Tortious Interference. Of course, that was a term I didn't know about until early 2019, so there was no way for me to know that what my former friend was doing was a liable court of law offense. But, what was done was done. Of course the Matriarchy found out (go figure; they're all connected to each other). But, regardless of what happened to my former friend, I didn't care. At the time, I felt like she deserved it. Little did I know that that unsympathetic callous feelings was just the beginnings of the toxic environment of the Community getting to me. My channel started to get big really quick, and, looking back now, I see that many of The Group were more than likely upset or jealous of this. Because, in August of that year, they were quick to turn on me instead of sit down and talk things out like friends are supposed to do. They quickly dropped me, started spreading rumors, even went so far as to tell my former friend that I was going to make another video on them. I was labeled as "toxic", had hate-art made of me defaming my character, and they even made an alt account to spam my name in the comments and notes of one of their former friend (because "Saki" is such a "mean-sounding word" apparently...). The time bomb had gone off, but, unlike the other times, I wasn't even ready for it. And, up until the end of the year, I was a mixture of mad an upset, going through all sorts of emotions on the spectrum. How stupid I was to not see that I was falling in with the "Wrong Crowd". How I shouldn't have even attempted to restart my channel. How I shouldn't even have grown close to these groups of people. It would all end the same. It always did. Yet... I wasn't ready for it. Now... 2016 is a year that the majority of people despite, mostly for the results of the USA's Presidential election. Personally, I don't care for politics, but there were other things on my mind that day. See, that morning, the very same day as the election results, I had received a call from my doctor about my recent biopsy's results: Papillary Thyroid Carcinoma--Thyroid Cancer. Sure, it's not as serious a cancer like Breast or Brain, but it was cancer nonetheless. So, I was scheduled to have a total thyroid removal at the end of November, and would be put on a super restricting "iodine diet" for the majority of December that would last through the entire holidays. Christmas Dinner was torture; only able to eat a very small selection of things, while watching my family eat such amazing and delicious foods. The following week, I was quarantined in my room because I was completely radioactive. Despite craving that delicious food from Christmas, I felt like I would throw up if I ate just a cracker. My week of quarantine was was literally nauseating, completely miserable, and, above all else, absolutely boring. I could only entertain myself with my phone, because I didn't want to touch anything else--it would just be more to thoroughly clean immediately after use. January 1st Midnight of 2017 was spent in my room listening to my family excitedly cheer "Happy New Year". Needless to say, out of all the years this decade, 2016 was the worst.

~

2017:

With the residuals of what occurred between The Group and I gradually sputtered to stop, I took the time to stay off the internet a little and focus on my real life. I had to do something with my life. I know what I wanted to do with it. But, the thought of my parents not agreeing with my decision and not being proud of me held me back far too much. Despite having an Associates in Arts and wanting to go in a field that was about The Arts, my parents' (mother's) constant comments of: "Digital Art Degrees are a hit or miss when it comes to getting a job", "You'll never make it out in the Art field", "They're called 'starving artists' for a reason", and then she would proceed to offer ideas for jobs that required either a Science degree or a Medical degree. And... I believed her. Through her constant comments, she had coaxed me to reluctantly work to something she wanted me to be. I mean, she was right: I needed to find a job that would support myself financially, and if getting a Graphic Arts Degree wouldn't do that, then, well, I wasted 4 years of my life in Community College. So, with my mind thinking "Back to Square One", I set out to look for a part-time job. And, in February, I did. It was a short-shift job, but it paid a decent amount to get by for a while. Meanwhile, I paid less time online; only making a few videos for my channel now and then, but also wanting to get my Art/Speedpaint Channel off the ground with videos that are years old (and videos that, to this day, I still have yet to edit and post), as well as posting art when I could (once or twice a month). There wasn't much else that was eventful for the rest of the year; not until a week before Christmas. On our home's doorstep was a package from Amazon that contained an "Adult Coloring Book" titled: Calm the F*ck Down and a pack of Prisma Coloring pencils (which, by the way are not a cheap brand of pencils). Who had sent it, we weren't sure. I know I hadn't ordered it, and I didn't have an Amazon account at the time, so the assumption of it being on my "Wish-list" was out of the question. But, it was a week before Christmas, so it was probably from an out-of-state relative. Little did I know that the individual, who sent it was not either of the two, but someone who I had known, yet hadn't met in real life. And their reasons for sending me the package? Malicious, devious, and text-book level of a psycho. I wouldn't know the identity of said person for another two years. All in all, this year brought new people for me to befriend and meet as well. Of course, after everything that happened, I was very very hesitant to pursue friendships with them. What was the point anyway? They would all end the same. At this point, I had already begun to accept who I was: A narcissistic, selfish, heartless, backstabbing, toxic, indifferent annoyance, harassing, ungrateful, apathetic, hurtful, manipulative, bullying, dramatic, sensitive, arrogant, petty, spiteful, over dramatic, drama whore, lying, shady, sociopathic bitch. People don’t change. I can't change no matter what. But, that’s okay. I’ve come to accept it. And I'll keep doing my best to protect everyone else that I care about—those very VERY small few that are left. The more I can protect from getting close and affected by the monster, the better. Nobody in this world deserves more of that. I tossed those Placebo-Effect pills away, so I could stop lying to myself once and for all that "I changed" and "I'm a better person now". There was no way that, after all that happened, that was true. There's no point in denying it or hiding anymore. I am who I am. I don't like it, but that's just the way things are, and I will forever be that person--No. I'm not even human after all that I've done. I'm a monster, and I'll be that way forever. My Cancer wasn't able to get rid of everyone else's suffering--suffering by the fact that I exist--, and I wouldn't be able to give them that release and make things right once and for all.

~

2018:

At the cusp of this year around January-February, I had noticed that the friend in the FMA fandom (the one who had given me my new name as well as hope to become better), hadn't been interacting with much as she used to. I found it strange, and I didn't want to assume anything, so I messaged her via Tumblr and asked if I did anything to upset her. Because, after the knee-jerk reactions of the Community, I had come to prefer talking things out with an individual and fix problems in a civil manner. Well, we did talk things out in a civil manner. But, long story short, she didn't want to be friends with my anymore. Her reason: Because she didn't want me to make a Video about her. Where did she come up with that reason? I never made any mention of it to her, and the only reason why I made the videos on my former friends because they actually did something to me and were going out of their way to commit Defamation per Se and Tortious Interference--among basic libel and slander. She had done nothing to me that would make me want to even consider making a video on her. However, despite my best efforts of trying to reassure her, I eventually had to reluctantly respect her wishes and let her go. We un-watched each other, and that was that. But, something was odd... Not only did he un-watch me, but also blocked me. Un-watching, I could understand. But blocking as well? That didn't make any sense... After months of having the worry drive me insane, I eventually came to the realization that tore my apart. I didn't want to believe it, but, after analyzing everything that occurred, nothing else made sense except what I had realized. She was USING me. She was only friends (and "litter sister" to the 2nd-in-Command) with the entire Matriarchy because of me. And what thanks did I get? NOTHING! She gave me false hope that I could change and be better--lying through her teeth the entire time. Not only that... she PRETENDED to be my friend. Like everyone else, she knew my weak spot: Friendship. All that mattered to me. Having the support group to escape to when my parents (mother) didn't give me any and tried to drag me away from the things I loved and enjoyed. They knew it. She knew it--it was her plan all along, wasn't it?! She used me. She. USED. Me. Slept her way to the top, so to speak, without any effort; just rode along on my coat tails until she had no use for me anymore. ...And I was stupid to fall for her feigned innocence and let her get away with it. I stupidly turned around, thinking nothing of the situation until she plunged her knife deep enough to the hilt right through me. ...I know that's an extreme jump to conclusions, but what else was I supposed to think? I thought I was numb after all the other things I had to go through in the previous years. But, after what she did... I couldn't remember a time where I went through that much pain; pain that lasted for months afterwards. Meanwhile, in the real world, I was taking each day by day and doing my best to act as normal as I could around family, despite everything that occurred/was occurring online. I quite my part-time job, and spent the summer looking for a better one; eventually landing a full-time job (my current one) that paid really well and had good benefits. Sure, it took a lot of time away from working on art, especially when the Holidays came around and there was so much overtime I was working between 55 and 60 hours per week. I tried to manage as much as I could with my online status and stay as active as I could though, even if my quality of art never increased because of the lack of motivation and little time I had in between with work in order to put some art together.

~

2019:

And, now we come to the final year of the decade. I focused more and more on my art and developing it enough to where I became a better Mimicker Artist. Even though there have been many more times where I had to politely put others down when they remarked about "[my] style"; it was a similar reply I would have to make to comments like those before. Other than  that, though, there were many ups and downs, like there were every year. Midway through 2019, I met some new individuals, who had left when the Community became too toxic, and got in a call with one of the former friends of The Group (We'll call this individual "J"). Through the call, which lasted about 3-4 hours--there was a lot they had to unpack and let me know--, J informed me of everything The Group was saying and doing behind closed doors on Discord. Even going so far as to get their (former) connection, who had easy access to the Deep and Dark Web, to go after people they they didn't like. One of those people, included myself. Remember when I mentioned that Amazon package I received during Christmas of 2017? It was them. Their reason: "Make [me] so stressed out to the point that [my] cancer comes back in a more severe case and kills [me]." The moment J told me that, I let everyone in the call know that I had to step away for a minute. Then, I muted my mic, and promptly went to the bathroom to throw up. Even if it was way passed midnight after the call ended, I couldn't get any sleep because I was shaking so bad. These people--people, who third-party viewers call "drama whores"--, were more than just that. "Drama whore" was a huge understatement. These people... were psychos. Thankfully, they hadn't done anything else since then (Especially since their little Deep Web friend stopped interacting with them and The Group is against him now). But even so, the fact that these people went out of their way to have me killed just because I was making fun of them for being immature and stupid... it was more than just the epitome of "insane". Who does something like that? Who thinks that the way to "get back" at someone for making fun of you on the internet is to have them killed? Again, thankfully, nothing else has happened since then; but, of course, if it does, I'm calling the police. Back in the real world, I managed to sway my parents to let me go to an Art-Collage. Sure, had I let in on the fact that I wanted to go into Theater or Graphic Arts, they (Mom) would have shot it down immediately and gave me the speech I always got. So, I managed to settle on a Film Degree, which was more like my Plan C (a field that still interested me, but not 100% what I loved), still mostly out of the fear that they wouldn't accept me for a field that I actually wanted to go into. And, for the majority of 2020, I'll be working on saving up to attend that school; hopefully able to get some grants or scholarships so that I won't have to worry about paying the rest of my share after the FAFSA amount is taken out. At the end of the day, and year, at least AAV and I are still as close as ever, and I wouldn't trade her for anything else in the world. I've said it before and I'll say it again: life isn't worth living without her. She's all that I have left in this world that matters. She's the only one I can trust that won't leave or abandon me. To this day, it still baffles me that she didn't drop me and leave, like the others had, when we had our first petty spat. So, if anyone could be considered a "true friend", it would be her. Of course, I still can't get close to others, and I wouldn't even dare try to attempt a new friendship. I try to be nice and civil when others ask: "Can we be friends?" I give them the short explanation of why I can't get close to others anymore, and, luckily, they understand. I know it's wrong, and I should give people a chance, but, after all that's happened, I can't risk anything.

~

Anyway, so that's my entire Decade in review. It's crazy to think how long it's been since then and how much has happened... The years and events may have changed, but I and everyone else haven't. I know I certainly haven't. Like I mentioned in 2017, I began to accept who I was, and eventually fully accepted it through the entirety of the next year. And, like they have been for almost 10 years, my thoughts never changed on the Matriarchy, and it absolutely disgusts me whenever they (especially the 2nd-in-Command) acts mature and friendly for "brownie points", and saying lies like: "...inspiring others from a healthy approach to pursue whatever they aim for, because it can definitely be achieved. ..." (Not to mention that she has no idea what having an actual reason for anxiety feels like). Well, there's one thing I can agree with her on...  there's people that I used to look up to that I shouldn't have. That includes her and the rest of the FMA OC Matriarchs. Because those people are nothing more than self-entitled, immature, holier-than-thou individuals, who act like their word is law, everyone else is lower than dirt underneath them, and use their mob mentality on others for some stupid petty "block brigade" on Tumblr just because someone doesn't like their OC with Ed. Even when I was a small barely-100-watcher DeviantArtist, I saw them all and their true colors and thought that way of them. 10 years later, and my mind still hasn't changed. Because people don't change, no matter how badly they want to--I'm a bright and shining example of that. My goal concerning them is the same that it's always been: "Knock [them] off their thrones." My mind hasn't changed about them. And I still wholeheartedly believe that what they did, have done, are doing is NOT the right thing to do. And I will keep working my tail off until I surpass them and take them down a peg. No one that "looks up to" you should be treated in the ways that they have done over the years. If you're looked up to, be an actual adult for once as well as a good role model. Of course, I am far from being the latter. Little me from 2010 might look at my art and say: "Wow!" But, I just have to say in response: "Kid... forget all you know about art. Go get a degree in the medical or science field. You don't want to go down the path I had to take." Present-Day "Me" isn't someone that 2010 "Me"--or anyone else for that matter--should look up to. I'm not worth anyone's time. I'm a "lost cause" after all, and I'm not someone that should be seen as "inspirational". Not after the things I've done and said over the years. And, through this entire decade, I began to see that the world is nothing more than a dark and cruel place full of people, who will turn against you the moment you disagree with them or abandon you when they have no use for you anymore. (That's not me being "edgy" -__- That's me being realistic). But, then again... had I not pursued this path and found the FMA fandom, I never would have met my best friend, AAV. She's the highlight of every New Year in my life, and, while the world may seem bleak to me the majority of the time... she finds a way to light it up in her own special way. So, even through these ups and downs, I'm happy to have her in my life. She means everything to me, and I wouldn't trade anything else in the world for her. No, we're not a couple--like many have assumed and publicly stated on that rumor--, she and I are just friends. Best friends, yes, but friends nonetheless. But, other than that, I'm going to keep working on art here on dA, because, with this new decade, there will be a new batch of up-and-coming artists. And, while I don't really think I'm someone worth looking up to, I still want to help them work on their craft and make something of themselves. Even if that one former friend used me for her personal benefit... I still enjoyed seeing how happy she was once she was able to start flying on her own, so to speak. It was an amazing feeling, and, knowing that I helped someone achieve that, I just can't help but feel so proud of them. And, I really want to help other beginner artists out and climb up their own mountain. It's okay if some aren't as fast learners as the others; it's the lessons we learn along the way and the mistakes we make to learn from. Anyway... here's to 2020 everyone!

[deborahdeshoftim5779]

Writer’s Toolkit Part I

I’ve just finished watching a series of illuminative writing videos. Some I had watched beforehand, but simply forgotten the valuable advice contained within, or how I had, for a short period, been influenced by it. 

I had to note down all the useful themes I learned from these videos. If you ever fear wasting hours on YouTube, have a notepad and pen by your computer. You will constantly stop staring at the computer to write things down, which helps you remember them and increases your will to take action. 

I’ve compiled a “Writer’s Toolkit” of sorts, spanning 3 posts, of necessary advice to focus and finish your book (fiction or nonfiction). 

Don’t waste paper: It costs money and trees, so don’t rip out pages ad libitum, throw it away in bulk, or leave large spaces blank. I speak from experience here, and all that waste profited me nothing. I ended up losing materials I ought to have kept and created artificial shortages, causing me to “panic buy” more stationery. After re-watching a video on Jane Austen’s closely-filled manuscripts, I repented. 

Pare down excess: Professor Kathryn Sutherland of Oxford University calls Jane Austen an “economical” writer, after observing the diligent way in which she edited her manuscripts. Though Austen’s style is outdated from our modern perspective, her surviving manuscripts reveal a disciplined mind that steadily polished a work until it read fluently. 

Add corrections to the draft: I love Jane Austen’s editing process. In order to improve a piece of writing, she would cut down a small slip of paper, write the amended version on it, then secure this to the manuscript with a pin. I remember using a version of this technique in 2017, except with paper clips. Not only is this a great method of saving paper, but it also demonstrates a growing manuscript. 

Draw: Many, including myself, have drawn a dichotomy between “the writer” and “the artist”. In fact, you can be both. Goethe painted (link in German), Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky produced striking illustrations in their manuscripts. I just watched J. K. Rowling in a 2001 interview showing the drawings she had made for a better understanding of what her characters looked like, and particular scenes from the books. This is why I am forcing myself to integrate regular sketching into my work. 

Write everywhere: Austen wrote in her living-room, Cowell writes in a shed, Trollope wrote in an office, Angelou wrote in a hotel, Rowling often writes in cafés. The point here is using time as productively as possible, regardless of the circumstances. Visiting a different location can often be the source of inspiration. I often wonder why my writing progress is abysmal on many free days. Part of the reason is that my room is so dark, even with the light on. Going into a lighter space would help me think, even if its away from the desk. 

Draw everywhere: Like writing, drawing is a low-cost, versatile life skill. The reliance on observation requires an artist to travel often to different locations. Art isn’t just something you can learn in a book, or by downloading pictures from Google Images (note to self). Any location provides the potential for sketching something useful, which can be improved later. I have tried drawing in a graveyard and a laundry, but spent too much time fussing over whether the sketches were “good” (I spent no time improving them later). 

Use PC for backup: If most of your writing is on the laptop, then this advice comes as a given. For those who regularly use handwritten materials (like myself), this is also necessary in case you lose your work. Beyond having a spare copy, computers (or tablets/smartphones) offer quicker methods of moving and changing things. The documents consume less space than physical copies, and typing is obviously quicker than writing by hand. 

Plot carefully: Something I have failed to do repeatedly, to my great cost. I watched a video where a self-described pantser applied J.K Rowling’s plotting method to her own novel, with great success. Rowling uses a sheet of lined paper turned sideways including several columns (plot, sub-plot, time span, and other categories). Here’s such an example. Of course, some writers hate plotting, but I am certain they still have notes (the girl in this video did have notes). 

Reread: I write several pages by hand on many days (should be more consistently), but I repeatedly fail to reread this. My excuse is lack of time, but in fact, the reason is putting speed over understanding. Rereading means slowing down, reflecting, editing, leading to rewrites and improvement. The same goes for when a writer has finished a book. In truth, if it’s a good book, there is no such thing as “finishing”. For greater insight and lessons, the book requires a reread, and many more. 

Make notes: Linked to rereading, making notes (particularly by hand) shows constant engagement with the text in question. May posts on effective study will include making notes, though they differ on when you should make notes. Sometimes it can impede understanding, but when seeking to improve a text, it is crucial. Note-taking is versatile: I often prefer using cards, but also if rereading a text, a numbered line helps me match comments to the text. A cluster of notes can really shed light on one’s thought processes, particularly after a hiatus. 

Don’t throw away writing: Faced with upheaval and dramatic changes in the second half of 2019, I foolishly blamed my bulk of unfinished writing for the blockages and failures I experienced. I deleted and threw away many notes and published pieces which would have helped me once I left this period. Fortunately, I recovered the main chapters, but not the months and months of digital notes which would have helped ground me inside the story again. Don’t do this!!

More coming in PART II. 

[ixvyupdates]

The Dream of Creative Writing

I have been doing quite a bit of soul-searching in the past few weeks and months, and I have played with several ideas for my future that are worth noting. One of these is my desire to write fiction, to unleash my creative imagination in a channel detached almost entirely from education and educational technology. I am not saying I am going to seriously do this in the upcoming weeks and months, but it is something which I have thought about a bit, and I want to reflect upon briefly tonight.

I’ve started reading Joseph Campbell’s classic book “The Hero with a Thousand Faces,” from which we derive “The Hero’s Journey.” This is a pattern which we find in myth, great stories of literature, and great stories depicted now in movies. It is summarized quite well in this TedEd video, which I showed to our daughter last week and is one of my favorites whenever I discuss storytelling and digital storytelling with others.

In chapter 1 of Campell’s book this evening, I ran across this lovely summary, a turn a phrase I both respect and enjoy:

“… these are the everlastingly recurrent themes of the wonderful song of the soul’s high adventure.”

Joseph Campbell, “The Hero with a Thousand Faces”

“… these are the everlastingly recurrent themes of the wonderful song of the soul’s high-adventure.”#JosephCampell #Story #myth https://t.co/118BjY4HCd pic.twitter.com/Bzdc6W6lAz

— Wesley Fryer, Ph.D. ??? (@wfryer) February 11, 2019

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Thoughts of creative writing with joy also bring to mind Liz Gilbert’s wonderful book, “Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear,” and “Art & Fear: Observations On the Perils (and Rewards) of Artmaking” by David Bayles and Ted Orland. With the image of the band Queen‘s retreat to a rural English farm in 1975 to compose “A Night at the Opera” and Bohemian Rhapsody, fresh on my mind from the movie by the same name, I find myself wondering what sorts of creative tales my mind could unleash given the opportunity to disconnect from the world as I know it now and tap into my own creative imagination?

As I ponder the professional opportunities and decisions which lie ahead of my family and I in the coming week, a desire to write and rediscover myself as a prolific author is one idea among many on my mind. I have loved so many things about the past four years, being a school director of technology, but the circumstances and context of my work has encouraged me to almost entirely stop writing. This is both a vocation and hobby about which I am passionate and dearly love, and plan to reclaim in the months ahead.

“Colorado Camping August 2018” (CC BY 2.0) by Wesley Fryer

(This is my first mobile blogged post using the new WordPress block-based writing interface, and largely dictated using speech to text on my iPad.)

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The Dream of Creative Writing syndicated from https://sapsnkraguide.wordpress.com

[literarilymanga]

Hi, all! It’s time for another webcomic feature! This week I interviewed Micah, creator of The Roommate from Hell! Read the full interview after the cut!

Me: Would you share a little bit about yourself as a creator? 

Micah: Sure! So currently I'm a student at University of Wisconsin Stout, in a program called Entertainment Design - Comics and Sequential Art. So it's basically a comics major. I've been drawing and creating things as long as I remember, and I started taking it seriously around middle school. Put out my first webcomic in high school. Creating comics is basically my life, I spend all my free time on it.

Me: Could you give a short summary of The Roommate From Hell ?

Micah: Up 'til this point it's been about a college student named Mary who moves in with a new roommate she met online. He's really suspicious and she starts investigating. Eventually she convinces herself that he's actually a superhero. He's not a superhero, but he's not exactly normal, either. If you like stories with supernatural elements that are occasionally high action but often focus more on the characters and their interactions, and how these supernatural elements affect their lives, you will like the comic.

Me: Could you introduce the readers to your characters? 

Micah: Alright. So there's Mary. She's rather high energy, I designed her to be rather relateable as she's very interested in anime, internet culture, etc. Very friendly and enthusiastic about life. Then there's Hugh, her new roommate. Short, shy, and really awkward. He is weirdly paranoid about everything and is obviously hiding some kind of secret.

Me: Who is your favorite character—and why?

Micah: So I really like Hugh, he's super fun to draw and temperament wise very similar to me. Way further out I'll be introducing a character named Samur who is probably my second favorite. He's super deadpan and plays off the other characters in funny ways.

Me: Who is your least favorite character—and why?

Micah: I'm not sure I have a least favorite, although there's a few characters that are harder to draw than the others. Or characters that are hard to write for. There's a group of characters coming in a bit later, Zane, Shatiq, Lael, and Gabe, who are relatively new and will be a bit of work to keep consistent and interesting in their dialogue. Shatiq is super fun to draw, though.

Me: Can you offer insight into how you’ve developed your story and your creative process so far? 

Micah: So, many of my story ideas, including Roomie, come from random dreams I've had. So I can't speak much on the ideation process. After that I start coming up with scenes and situations that would be interesting to see these characters in. Once I have that starting point, I try to string them together. Usually over-arching themes will develop and I’ll organize a story around those messages I want to convey. My primary goal is always to be entertaining and make the readers feel for the characters.

Me: What is your favorite part of the creative process? The least favorite part? 

Micah: Creating and developing characters is probably the best part. I do a lot of role playing with these characters with my friends and end up developing them far past the scope of their stories. My least favorite part of the process is stringing together plot points that I want to include but can’t figure out how to make it happen. Discovering plot holes and trying to fix them, and editing stories to try to maximize clarity for the readers, is also a difficult but necessary step.

Me: You mention on Roomie’s site that the comic is going to get spooky. What made you decide on a supernatural story?

Micah: It was the subject matter of the dream. It's not actually going to be that spooky, just, the subject is something generally considered part of the horror genre. 

Me: How have readers reacted to your characters and story thus far? Are there any challenges that you’ve had to overcome when working on Roomie?

Micah: So I haven't gotten a ton of feedback. Site stats say my site isn't entirely dead, but people don't seem to like to comment a lot. People have enjoyed it, though, especially my friends who know the larger plot and role play with me. There's this one guy who comments a lot who has actually been around since my older webcomic, Operation Reboot. Generally their comments are constructive criticism, which some people might find disheartening, but I think they enjoy the comic and I appreciate the opportunity to improve my work.

Me: What do you want readers to take away from your story? 

Micah: Really I just want my readers to be entertained and have something to look forward to. I try to write interesting diverse characters, so if they can identify with them, especially if the characters are of an underrepresented group, then that's a bonus.

Me: Who is your “intended” audience? 

Micah: Probably [readers in their] late teens to late twenties. The nerdier crowd, and members of the LGBTQ+ community, mostly.

Me: Do you plan to pursue other mediums for your story ?

Micah: I'd like to print it eventually? And actually I'm planning to expand the universe out into a different website I'm designing. It'll be fictional and about the supernatural element of the story, but made out as if it were real. It will feel like the website of a hospital or charity sort of thing. It's a bit hard to explain. I'm hoping to figure out a plot for it eventually and make into an ARG sort of thing? It won't launch for a year or two so it's up in the air.

Me: What drew you to the webcomic genre? What made you say, “This is how I want to share my story?”

Micah: I'm not really sure. I've been doing this for years and I kind of forgot why I decided webcomics were best. Probably because it’s free and accessible to people? And rather uncomplicated on my end, just have to pay for hosting and learn WordPress.

Me: Do you have any advice you want to share with other artists and writers? 

Micah: Write for yourself. That's probably my best tip. If you write for yourself, motivation will be easier to find. And if you like your story, it's very likely other people will too. Even if it's a story appealing to one in a million, there's 7 billion people on the planet so that's still a ton of people.

Micah: Also, prioritize life drawing. Even if it's just SenshiStock. Your characters will improve immediately.

Me: What are your tools of the trade? Any special software? 

Micah: I use a monoprice tablet and GIMP. It can bug out sometimes but I make it work. Roomie is inked on paper and colored on computer but I also do full digital and full traditional work on occasion. I am poor and cheap.

Me: When does Roomie update?

Micah: Monday/Wednesday/Friday. Soon there will be a side comic, exclusive to Patreon and voting rewards on TopWebcomics, which updates on T/Th/S/Su. So there will be something every day :) The side comic will be free and archives for the current issue free, but previous issues will be avaliable as Patreon rewards.

You can read The Roommate from Hell on its main site and keep an eye out for future updates on mirror comic sites. Roomie takes a hiatus every May and December, so if you are interested in sending in a guest comic, Micah will be posting more details on their site in April. 

Be sure to check out last week’s interview with webcomic artist J.M. Henry.

If you want me to interview you about your webcomic or you just want to share some input on the creative process, comment on this post, send a note, or submit an ask. 

Until next time, happy Saturday! 

(This post was adapted from a Twitter interview.)

[goingthroughthelensdarkly-blog]

Can you take a train to the afterlife?

Sometimes life should have background music to accentuate all those moments that seem cinematic.

For example, walking apprehensively down a deserted train platform late at night, thinking someone is behind you, lurking out of sight but close-by. (Insert foreboding music here.) Maybe as a train approaches the station, the unseen person suddenly appears and throws you to the tracks. (Insert overly-dramatic music here.)

Life has these moments, and if you’re cinematically-inclined, then you see things through a camera eye, framing each scene and composing the elements within. Likewise, you also innately consider the non-diegetic sound emanating from all around. You assimilate the environment.

So, when I was rail-fanning one night at the New Jersey Transit train station in Ridgewood, N.J., I had one of those cinematic moments.

No, I wasn’t thrown to the tracks, nor was I stalked by an unseen adversary, but I found myself thinking about the time I have left on this earth and what the afterlife might be like. Then I wondered if you could get there on a train.

What? A train? Who in their right mind would care how they get to the afterlife? It’s ludicrous to think, right? Wouldn’t one just want to simply wake up in what comes next? What does come next? Does anything?

However, in that thinking, a movie idea was born! I set out to write and film a story about Evan Smith, a fictional character who dies suddenly in a car accident, and in his afterlife, stumbles upon a mysterious railroad. The film is titled “The Last Local” and can be viewed below.

The film took roughly three months to shoot and two months to edit. Not only were many scenes shot on-location, the pivotal ticket widow scene required a set be constructed since all NJ Transit ticket windows are either boarded up or used by NJ Transit as storage rooms and completely off-limits to the public. See the pictures below.

Unlike my previous films which were all shot on 16mm b&w movie film, this was my first effort using a digital camera system...the Sony PMW-EX1R. Lauded for its CineAlta technology which replicates many features of 35mm Hollywood cameras, the PMW was able to capture the “film look” that we as filmmakers so often strive try to emulate in digital acquisition. Moreover, this was the first film I made using various jibs and stabilization equipment in an attempt to give the film a more professional look.

Aside from technical achievements, this was a great example of how a time and place can inspire an idea, whether it be for film or a written work. Just like the railroad slogan, “Stop, Look and Listen,” taking the time to absorb your surroundings - sights, sounds and smells - enables you to create an environment in your filmmaking or writing.

Perhaps even more important, however, this shows what the mind can do if you let it breathe. Too often we are consumed by information: cell phones, laptops, tablets and the incessant ring of tweets, texts and emails. Let’s admit it. Technology is the way of the future. It keeps us informed and connected, but it also consumes, suffocates and exhausts.

Like any muscle in the human body, the brain needs time to rest by dreaming or simply not thinking about anything at all. This is where ideas are born. Who says the idle mind is the Devil’s playground?

[authorbrianknight-blog]

My Favorite Gadget

Here’s a blast from the past, written when I was a part of author David Wilson’s Storytellers Unplugged.  It’s about the beginning of my enduring love of gadgets.  It’s all a bit dated now.  My gadgets have evolved since writing this.  I have even written a 100K length novel on a tablet (now my grandson’s favorite toy).

I have also changed my mind regarding Apple products and software.  Everything I own is Apple now.

I have not changed my mind about most of the Lewis/Clark Valley’s radio stations.

My Favorite Gadget

If you’ve read the after-word to my novella 1200 AM Live you’ll know my opinion of my local AM and FM radio stations.  For those who haven’t read the aforementioned piece, I’ll give you the short version.

I fucking hate it.

Local radio in the Lewis/Clark Valley is mostly country, which makes me angry if I’m forced to listen to more than a few minutes, or worse, top 40.  I’m not sure which I hate more, a song where even the guitars sound like they’re whining, or a song with a computerized beat and auto-tuned vocals.  Top 40 is the new disco, in my humble opinion, and country is the new … well, country.

There are a few light muzak stations, and a few rock stations, but the only good (IMO) rock station is broadcast from the city of Spokane, which is over a hundred miles to the northwest, and can only be heard clearly from the roofs of this city’s taller buildings on clear and windless days.

For a few years I contented myself by listening to talk radio instead, but too much of that fosters bizarre personal and political opinions, so I gave up listening to talk radio.  I think it was a good choice, like giving up meth or public masturbation.

For the past four or five years I’ve eliminated my dependency on local radio with a miracle of modern micro-technology called an MP3 player.  I load this wonderful little device with music of my own choosing and an audio book or two, and I’m set.  It’s very liberating, not having my ears held hostage by smarmy DJs and music that, quite frankly, makes me feel like hitting people.

I loved these new gadgets so much and used them so extensively that I wore them out.  Any new MP3 player I purchased, no matter the brand or model, had a three to four-month life expectancy.  I could almost predict the week when my current MP3 player would finally bite the dust and would start comparison-shopping in advance.

For a long time my wife tried to convince me to buy an iPod, the Cadillac of MP3 players, and I resisted for two reasons.  The first reason was price.  Those little bastards are expensive, so why spend so much when I could almost count on wearing it out in the space of a few months.  The second, and to me more powerful argument against the iPod is that I hated Apple software.  Every piece of Apple software I ever attempted to use seemed to slow down or crash my computer.  Why in the hell would I spend so much money on a product that would probably crash my computer ever time I plugged it in before it finally wore out in three or four months?

Eventually she talked me into it.

I bought an iPod Nano, which worked flawlessly for two years before my wife bought me my new third generation iPod Touch.  The Touch was a Christmas present, and is the coolest, most useful little gadget anyone has ever given me.

The old Nano is still in use.  My oldest daughter has had it for three months now, and it still works just fine.

Truthfully, I thought the Touch was overkill.  It’s a fantastic gadget, but much more than I required for simply playing music or audio books in my car or work truck.

There was just no way I’d ever use even half the features this new toy had to offer.

Then I discovered the wonderful world of applications.  Evidently there are several million applications available to install on this little gadget, many free, most only a few dollars.

I must admit that very few are of any real interest to me.  I’m not a gamer or a social bug.  I don’t want to turn my iPod into a small hand-held heater (yes, there is an application for that), or keep 24/7 tabs on all my Facebook friends.  I’m a driver during the day and a writer on nights and weekends.  My iPod keeps me entertained while driving during my working life.  I thought it would be severely cool if I could somehow use it to write.

As it turns out, there is an application for that too. No shit!

There are probably more than one, but the one I use – I’m using it now, actually – is called My Writing Nook.  It is a cool, and extremely useful little program.  It auto-saves as you work, has an optional auto-correct function that is actually pretty good, and thanks to the third generation iPod Touch’s wi-fi capability, you can email your work to your desktop or laptop computer with the touch of a virtual button.  You can also create your own workspace on My Writing Nook’s website and sync your documents in progress.

This is an excellent tool for writers.

Recently, my wife’s favorite gadget, her mucho expensive touch screen laptop, took a dump on her.  Since she hasn’t had a desktop computer for a few years now, she didn’t have a second machine to fall back on.

I have a laptop too, a tiny little thing about the size of a hardcover book, that I do all my writing on.  Unlike her, I insist on keeping a desktop computer too, but I don’t like writing with it.  I do all my writing on the laptop and everything else, including editing, on the desktop.

Since my wife’s computer is FUBAR, she is now using my little laptop.

Have I gone back to writing on my desktop computer?

He’ll no.

I’m using the iPod for that now, and thanks to my wireless network, and My Writing Nook, transferring my work to the desktop computer for editing is actually easier.

You might imagine that writing anything more extensive than, say, a shopping list would be a pain in the ass with the iPod’s tiny little screen and keyboard, but that’s not the case.  I got used to it remarkably fast.  I still have to copy and paste my work into Microsoft Word, and there is a bit of formatting and extra editing involved in incorporating your output into your word file, but not as much as you might think.

If the My Writing Nook people could incorporate some simple formatting options and a more powerful spellchecker into the program, it would be just about perfect.

With a cost of $1.99 for the iPod application, and no cost at all to use the Writing Nook web page, I can’t complain too much.

Now my favorite gadget is my most useful one.

Book of the day:

BROKEN ANGEL

Fiction: Novel, Horror Digital Price: $3.99 Print Price: $15.95 Print Length: 342 pages Publisher: Tulpa Books (2018) Purchase Digital: Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, iBooks, Google Play Purchase Print: Amazon, Barnes & Noble

She was a mystery from the start.

They found her at a roadside diner outside the small Idaho town of Clearwater, drugged and abandoned, with no memory of who she is or where she came from.

But was she a miracle?

She inspires violence with her presence, madness with a touch. As her health improves and her memories return, the hot Clearwater summer becomes increasingly strange and violent. Insanity infects the small town, a shadowy figure lurking in the woods deals death, and no one is safe.

“Knight is a writer to watch.” Ellen Datlow, editor of Year’s Best Fantasy & Horror.

My Favorite Gadget was originally published on The Fiction of Brian Knight