#i do have faith that like in most art time has a way of sorting wheat from chaff

[tomatoluvr69]

It’s getting to the point where an author having an MFA from Iowa* or similar is like an active point against me reading the book. I don’t want your meandering ennui fest that made your workshop group cum over its vague message dysthymic protagonist and inconclusive ending. I want a bizarre plot written by some incredibly gifted working class freak at the expense of their sanity

*actually one of the most if not the most prestigious in the US not just a state chosen randomly for effect lol

[writingwithcolor]

Author with cultural disconnect: How do I write without making it seem as if I hate my own heritage?

Anonymous asked:

I’m a white-passing Asian author, and I’ve never felt all that connected with my heritage. My current story centers on a fairy (re: fantasy-world POC) child and ends with her realizing that her parents are toxic af and her human best friend’s family takes her in. This is the perfect opportunity to sort through my own issues with my heritage and finally convince my monkey-brain that it’s okay to not know how to cook Vietnamese food or celebrate tet or speak Vietnamese… But I also realize that if I’m not careful, this could easily slip into “Hey, I hate my heritage and so should you!” So how can I stop that from happening?

Writing for yourself first, not an audience

I ask you a simple question: why put pressure on yourself to have any sort of non-offensive messaging for a story that hasn’t been drafted yet and is to convince your monkey brain it’s okay to exist as yourself?

That seems like the fastest way to stop the story from being actually cathartic and instead a performance art piece when you already feel hung up on performing as “properly” part of your culture.

As I said in Working Through Identity Issues and Other Pitfalls of Representation, not all stories you write need to be for public consumption. Especially stories you’re using for your own self-processing and therapy, because you’re trying to get a cathartic moment that is rewriting your own story.

At what point does the public need to be involved in that?

I do understand the compulsion to want to post—I have definitely posted some Questionable™ material in my drive to get validation for feeling the way I do, wanting people to witness me and say “same.” It’s a powerful urge. Sometimes it’s worked, but most of the time it’s just made me feel horrifically exposed.

But you really do not have to post in public to get any sort of validation. Set up a groupchat with friends if you want the cheerleading and witnessing—people who will know your story and give you good-faith interpretations and won’t accuse you of anything. Honestly I’d suggest setting up this groupchat anyway; as someone who just got one again after quite a few years without it, my productivity has skyrocketed from being around supportive people.

Let the monkey brain have its monkey brain moment and shut off the concept the story is for the public. Shut off the concept of performing for an unknown audience. It’s for you. Be authentic, no matter how bad it would look to outsiders. They’re not reading it. Part of getting catharsis, sometimes, is being the worst version of yourself, somewhere nobody else can see it.

Deciding to publish the work

If, after you do write it, you find that you actually do want to polish it up and put it somewhere… edit it. Rewrite it entirely if that’s what it takes. Take the story through the same drafting process every story needs to go through, ripping out the unfortunate implications as you go.

Editing can be its own form of healing, as you try to figure out what this character would need to not be hateful. As you realize, once this longform journal entry is out of your head, what was bothering you now that you can see it pinned down on a page. But you absolutely do not need to write with the intention of editing in that healing. When I’ve tried, it’s fallen flat.

The healing will come from being yourself, no public involved, and writing about your feelings in their rawest form. Anything else is extra.

There’s no point in trying to put guard rails on the drafting process, not for a deeply personal piece. And by the time that drafting process is done, you’ll likely have specific scenarios and contexts that you can ask about, and you might even have ideas on how to fix it yourself once the story has a shape to it.

This is 100% a situation where there’s no real sense in idea workshopping something in the plotting stage. You’re doing something for you. Decide if it’s for public consumption later (while acknowledging “no” is a perfectly valid answer), and only figure out how to make the story not overtly harmful if you decide to put it out into the public.

~ Leigh

[vyl3tpwny]

genuine question: why is genesis so low on ur topsters?

also, if you can: could i hear why hawaii: part ii is rated 3.5 on ur rateyourmusic? (as opposed to like. anything higher)

(p. s. your music inspires me to be the sincerest version of myself, and for that i thank you. the impact you've had on my life is unforgettable.)

genesis isn't rated low. my number one album of all time is genesis' "the lamb lies down on broadway", for about 16 years running. my topster is organized by relative colour, it's not perfect but it just looks nice!

—

when it comes to talking about music, what i like and like about it, almost 100% of the time i NEVER want to discourage people, talk down to artists, or claim my opinion as fact. the only time i will actively talk down about art is if it's purposefully harmful (see artists like: Tom Macdonald, etc).

with that said, music by miracle musical - and by extension tally hall - often does this thing where there are a handful of really impressive, well written songs that just blow me away. but then the rest of the album outside of those handful of songs are either just ok/catchy or don't interest me very much. the tally hall gang's highs are very high, and equally their lows are just sort of pace-killers for the albums.

it's dynamics like these that prevent me from liking some of my other albums for similar problems! i think albums like queen of misfits and glitter are bogged down by an absurd amount of boring filler that could have just been left out or reworked to be more interesting, it makes it hard to ever listen to those albums front to back. ironically i don't feel that way about fairytails, my 40-song long ass album, almost everything in it still feels rather purposeful to me. i listen to my own music a lot, and once i've finished a project i tend to try and listen to it and enjoy it from an audience perspective rather than an artist one.

while i'm on the topic, i don't necessarily agree with even rating hawaii pt. ii 3.5 because in the past few years i've completely lost interest in the idea of weighing albums by arbitrary scores. nowadays i like to just give 4-5's to albums i like and then ignore anything else. it doesn't really make sense to me to assign a number score to something with good faith, other than to show that score to other people. interfacing with art is not a black and white process. despite the so-called 3.5/5.0 score i gave hawaii pt. ii whenever that was, the reality is that record has influenced me and i've enjoyed it. honestly that's what matters the most. we can sit here and talk album dynamics, technicalities, compositional proficiency, lyric profundity, and """""consistency"""""" (which is a word music critics love to throw around without actually realizing what the fuck they're talking about) all day, but what matters the most is:

Did you like the music? (Yes/No)

Did it inspire you in some way? (Yes/No) [Optional]

Does it seek to do harm? (Yes/No)

Do you respect the efforts and goals of the artist? (Yes/No) [Should always be the inverse of Question 3; i.e; if you answer No to 3, then you should answer Yes to 4]

honestly if you answer yes, yes, no, yes, then it's a good album. i really don't care. not every piece of art has to push the envelope to new heights and be the most innovative thing in the world - i mean wouldn't that be extremely fatiguing and overwhelming? everyone wants to be a critic and tear down shit that doesn't click with them within the first viewing/listen these days, i don't know why, it's probably an ego thing, bred by the echo chambers in the corners of the internet. but a lot of music criticism can be COMPLETELY discarded in favour of "this just isn't for me", and a lot of people go leaps and bounds, doing mental gymnastics over internal compensations, to just avoid saying the dreaded phrase of "this just isn't for me".

trust me, i'm someone who has immense experience with tearing other people down to compensate for my internal insecurities, it happens extremely often which is why a lot of art criticism makes ZERO fucking sense. it's never about making meaningful commentary about anything, it's always just trying to justify in the format of a dissertation - the subjective experience of "this just isn't for me".

so. do i like hawaii pt. ii? yep. is it a perfect album? no. why did i rate it 3.5? probably because at the time i wanted someone somewhere to perceive me as Very Articulated and Well Educated In The Realm of Discussing Art In Front of Other People, in Order to Appear Superior in Intellect and Refined in Taste, Because I'm Insecure Just Like Everyone Else.

[mullermilkshake]

The rose garden - Chapter 1

I will be uploading the whole thing here, it's just going take a little time, but if you want to read more right now, there's more on my AO3 <3

Summary - You are just an author wanting to put your writing out there and carry on with your life, but when two people end up murdered, things you write about seem to be more real than just pure fiction.

Pairing - Yandere!Suguru Geto x Fem!Reader, Detective!Satoru Gojo x Fem!reader (Sort of. One sided)

Word count - 3.9k

Full tags (master list for the entire fic, will add TW and significant tags in each chapter) - DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT!!! PLEASE READ THE TAGS!!! because this is gonna get dark, NSFW,SMUT,NO USE OF Y/N, YANDERE!SUGURU GETO,Porn With Plot, graphic depictions of violence, major character death, PornwithFeelings,EstablishedRelationship,PleasureDom,Codependency,Murder,Torture,Conspiracy,Cunnilingus,Orgasm Control,Multiple Orgasms,Minor Original Character(s),psychiatry,Medication,Power Imbalance,Vaginal Fingering,Disembowelment,Manipulation,Gaslighting,Rimming, Praise Kink,Grinding,mentions of blowjobs,Dry Humping,thigh riding,Dark,Autopsy,Aftercare,Hunting,Guns,Perceived infidelity,Body Horror,Smoking,Vaginal Sex,Misogyny,Public Stimulation,One sided sexual tension,Invasion of Privacy,Strangulation,Reader-Insert,Serious Satoru Gojo,Orgasm Edging,Obsession,Accidental Voyeurism,Angst,Questions of masculinity, stabbing, shooting

One hell of a launch, now I just have to write the damn thing.

An award for your cabinet.

Tags for chapter - Fem!Reader has some anxiety, Suguru is a therapist, Established relationship, Pleasure dom. Smut, Vaginal fingering, Multiple orgasms, Nipple licking, Orgasm control

Darling, 

Your books are exemplary. So much emotion, darkness and pure, raw principles to execute the perfect story. I look forward to reading more, be brave and explore the unknown, your true fans will always be there for you. 

And I’m your number one fan. I always will be. 

—

Well, your fiancé was your number one fan, but it helped getting fan mail like that.

Getting up in front of a large group of people who were all aiming for the yearly award in the dark fiction world wasn’t easy. Especially when half of the authors in there glared at you with fiery eyes when your name was called to receive it.

Those who were awarded, had the opportunity to launch and promote their new book. “Hello, uh, this is such a shock. T-thank you for the nomination and this award…” 

What should you say now?

It didn’t help that you had crippling stage fright. “I’d like to thank my agent, my editor, and the wonderful team I met along the way to get this book off the ground. It has definitely come with its hurdles and you all came through for me. But most of all, I’d like to thank one person in particular who has been my top fan in the highs and lows, and never lost faith in watching me do what I love to do.”

He was sitting right at the front next to your empty seat, your name cards nestled next to one another in tandem. “And that’s my partner. Suguru. Thank you, hon. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you.”

He smiled sweetly and blew a kiss from the audience to which you caught. “So… It is with great pleasure to announce my next book. Coming this year…”

A staff member came to the stage carrying an art stand for the reveal of the cover you agonised over weeks to get right. “‘A fate sealed’ was the first book, and I’d like to introduce the second instalment in the series…”

The man approaching placed it down and ripped the cover away to reveal the picture. “Severed connections.”

The room erupted with a roar of applause and their faces studied the new book cover, a series of blotches and blood stained shoes, taking inspiration from a piece of art you saw last year at an exhibition out of town and a homage to the ink splodge Rorschach test you were familiar with from your fiancé.

Well they seem to like it. The hours crying over it not being right were worth it in the end.

“Uh, t-thank you everyone.” 

You weren’t sure what to make of the award, it laid heavily in your hands, cradled almost with an ornate open book and cartoonish knife to mark the genre. Certainly a first for the cabinet at home which had sat empty for over a year.

And now, you finally had something to put in it.

It took everything in your power not to run from the stage straight to the comfort of Suguru’s arms, but he was already there waiting for you to take your hand at the bottom of the stage steps.

“Sweetie, you did perfect.” He pressed a delicate kiss to your temple.

“It wasn’t too much? I didn’t really know what to say.” Sliding your arm around his instinctively, you showed him the award. “It’s neat, right? Sort of heavy. Could knock someone out with this thing actually.”

“It was the right amount of what you needed to say.” Suguru must have noticed your rambling because he engulfed your hand in his for safety, grounding you a little. “It’s wonderful, that’ll look perfect in the cabinet. We can put it in when we crack the champagne open, alright?”

“You got champagne? We didn’t know if I was even going to get nominated.” It was a confidence issue. You knew that.

He led you over to your seat and set the award down for the other nominees to be announced. “Well I knew you were going to be. So we’ll enjoy it together.”

There wasn’t really ever a time when you sat next to each other that Suguru’s hand wasn’t touching you in some shape or form. For the most part, as the others got up for their awards, his fingertips rested on the back of your neck, caressing part of your hairline like a comfort for himself.

Ten awards were handed out for each sub genre of dark fiction, yours being romance- thriller. You were not a seasoned veteran by any stretch, but three years and counting, it was the most shocking surprise to be called.

The vibe in the grand hall was exquisite, elated dancing, call outs and scouters already fishing for new faces and work to start the new book year in launch season. A few months from now and a book of your own would make the brave appearance for a second time in a year.

The only thing you had to do now was actually finish it so your agent could do her job. Writing was the hard part, and boy, were you struggling this time around.

Well, you actually had to start writing it in the first place. 

Anxiety was a killer, deadlines were even worse testing the boundaries and mortality of your own brain stem, forcing too hard for an end result. Your agent was really going to kill you. 

What else could have killed you? The amount of glares in your direction that were seemingly directed at your award.

It was known in the industry that, by the news articles, you were the ‘underdog’. Not your choice of word and undoubtedly a conscious decision by critics to throw a stack of sharpened blades into a bag while they shook it up for drama, or whatever odd reaction they wanted.

Unfortunately, with plenty of mud slung, that was the poor word that stuck, and seasoned authors did not appreciate it. 

Words hurt, some more than others, but it didn’t matter most of the time. Suguru stood by your side with a soothing touch and kept you grounded to soldier on. Like the most handsome, well connected personal shield to deflect the negativity and allow you to keep on doing what you loved.

After all, writing did start off as a hobby, not a full time job. You just happened to have the opportunity to get paid for it once you had found the appropriate publisher.

“Oh, it’s you.” An author stood there in a beautiful emerald gown, a writer who was as talented as she was known.

She contributed to the same sub- genre. She did not, however, collect an award tonight.

Her pseudonym was Ella.

“You won an award?” If only her acting skills were as diverse as her writing. Maybe then she might have been able to convince you.

You lifted it up, Suguru’s hand lingered over your waist. “Yeah… I did.”

She folded her arms dismissively, and noticed a friend of hers came up alongside her. “I didn’t see, must have stepped outside to use the bathroom or something.” She eyed the award briefly. “That’s cool.”

“Thank you.” You were still humble. “It was a massive shock-“

“Have you met my friend?” Ella side tracked you immensely. “She’s an aspiring author. Up and coming actually.”

“Oh Ella.” She appeared embarrassed, but her acting skills needed some work too. “Oh… Doctor Geto? Your…” That reaction was sincere.

Suguru smiled and still held close. “Hello, what a surprise to see you here.”

You looked to him for an answer. He obliged. “We know each other through work.”

That meant in his own words, that she was a client of his.

Suguru was the perfect shield. He also stayed back and allowed you to fight your own battles. More or less, he dealt with the aftermath. Not the healthiest attachment to which he had already pointed out, yet still indulged you. You saw it more as relying on each other.

“Y-yeah. Through work.” The girl nodded with a curt smile. “Anyway, we should go, Ella. I think your publisher wants you.”

“Bye.” It was short, but you always tried to stay cordial.

You turned to your fiancé after they left without responding. “Through work, huh?”

He stared them down as they left and stole a kiss at your forehead. “Yeah, just regular work stuff. Nothing important.”

That made you smile. “I was just regular work stuff once.”

“You may be many things, sweetie. But ‘regular’ you are not. You never were.” Oh yes, you were also a client of Suguru’s. Well, former.

You just got a proposal instead of a filled prescription.

Whenever he talked like that, it sent flutters in the depths of your stomach, especially in close proximity to his touch. Suguru took care of you to which you were endlessly grateful. He was a caring man, giving in every way and expected nothing from you but your love and trust.

Though tonight, it was inevitable that it would not end by the two of you sleeping. It was entirely possible you would fall into bed with his head between your thighs.

“It’s lovely you think that way, Doctor Geto. ”

He exhaled with amusement and looked at you like you were the only person in the room. “I always do. Soon to be, Mrs Geto. ”

Just the name made you giddy.

As soon as the book was finished, planning would commence and you could invest all your time into planning the wedding.

You both looked at eachother like you were the only two in the world. “Why don’t we take your award home and celebrate-“

“Hey!” Through the crowd, abruptly causing a ruckus was your literary agent, Akari Nitta. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere- hey Geto, it’s nice to see you. It’s been a while.”

“It has. It’s good to see you.” Suguru gave your hand a reassuring squeeze and let go. “I’ll let you get on with it. Come find me when you’re ready to go.” 

You agreed and watched him leave. Nitta leant to the side and sighed wistfully, observing him go and disappear into the crowd.

“How on earth is he so perfect? God it makes me sick.”

“I often ask myself that too. I wonder why he puts up with me if I’m honest.” 

Why did he? An insecurity of yours that was no less vocal most of the time. 

As honest and hard as your job was, you made a living writing about murder and conspiracies, sex and depraved toxic traits whereas Suguru was an accomplished psychiatrist with his own practice.

Hardly a perfect match in occupation considering Suguru had regular sessions with you before entertaining the idea of courtship.

Some saw it as wrong, an abuse of his power but that was simply not true. Not in the slightest. He just happened to know you more intimately and understood your insecurities before the first date.

“Anyway, before you go drooling over the place because of Mr Perfect, I wanted to catch you before you cut and run like always.”

That wasn’t strictly true. You did try and make an effort, you just preferred to be invisible. Tonight however was your day off and you were not about to spend the evening speaking of business and other subjects that could wait for Nitta’s office.

“Right now? Can’t we leave it until when I’m back?” You still had to break it to her that the book would take longer than she initially recommended.

“Yes now, and then we can get it all out of the way. First of all, congratulations, I knew you could do it.” The first proud pat on your shoulder, followed by…

“I need to know how this next book is coming along, I’ll need to sort out the last of the advertising before the deadline.” And she read your vacant expression far too well.

“You are nearly finished. Right?”

Um… in my mind. Yes. “I still need some time-“

Her tut of disapproval got you searching around the room for Suguru. “You haven’t even started have you?”

“I mean… Well uh, sort of.” 

It wasn’t that you couldn’t, or was riding off of the high of your win and sales, it was just that every idea you put to paper just wasn’t right.

“Oh shit. We have a deadline, how on earth are you going to get any investors if you can’t produce the product on time?”

Either the plot didn’t work just right, or the corner you’d written yourself into had no life preserving ring to scramble for and climb out. Each time made the computer page more empty and depressing.

At this rate, you were uncertain that you were even going to get it finished this year. Still, you had a plan.

“I have a plan though.” You held your arms up in defence. “Suguru’s taking me to our place out of town, y’know the one by that lake? I’m thinking it’ll be great inspiration for me to get started. Quiet, secluded, so I’ll have no distractions.”

She pinched the bridge of her nose like a scolding parent. “Fine. I expect several chapters at least by next week. I can’t provide them with anything if the manual script doesn’t exist.”

“Yep, of course… several by next week.” Oh crap. You bit off more than you could chew.

“Good.” Nitta appeared more positive. “Now go get your man before all those thirsty book reading women cause a flood.”

Naturally, Suguru was surrounded by people, anyone who was drawn in by his aura and charm that just instinctively radiated from his body. Ella being one of those people.

He was chatting quite well enough until he saw you, and once more, it was as though you were the only person in the room. Though it wasn’t the same for every other person there, their expressions faltered slightly as he abandoned them mid conversation to approach you.

“Are you ready?”

You nodded, your eyes flitting to the people behind him who had started chattering amongst themselves. Ella staring at the back of his head with a fire in her eyes distracted you, you assumed she would focus back on the conversation. She didn’t.

“Doctor Geto, won’t you join us for the after party? All of the nominees are invited to my place, I’d love to have you there.”

Wow, she was flirting. The sticky oozy tone in her words made you sick. You were not invited to anything after and you accepted an award too, you would have heard about this surely?

“Oh?” He said, turning back for just a moment. “ Everyone is going?”

“Yes, of course. We had such a good turnout for nominations that we decided to celebrate.” Was she pushing her chest out?

You couldn’t blame her. Suguru was so handsome. He had this charismatic air about him that put anyone’s guard down and bare their soul to him, you knew he’d listen too. Perhaps that’s why he was so good at his job.

Unfortunately, his kind and charming nature drew the wrong sort of attention at times. Well, unfortunate for you. It impacted your confidence greatly. Still, Suguru never made you feel any less, and never bit any bait. And you trusted Suguru implicitly.

It was other people you didn’t trust.

“No thank you. I’ll have to politely decline.”

“Huh?” She was speechless. It was the astonished and gormless gaze you always selfishly enjoyed afterwards.

“I’m going home to celebrate my wife’s award.” He laced his fingers with yours. The way he used wife as your title set your stomach ablaze.

“She’s your… Oh.”

“If you’ll excuse us, we have some celebrating to do.” He didn’t even entertain her.

Suguru led you through the crowds and across the packed out hall until you were met with the cooler air of the lobby. He walked with more of a pace, longer strides you just about managed to keep with.

Forgotten again. You were almost invisible.

“Ignore it. They’re pompous, the lot of them.” But you were always seen by Suguru. 

“They’re envious you got where you are on talent alone, most of them have some sort of finger in a different pie that helped them get where they are. You did all of it on your own with no help from anyone high up.”

You wouldn’t have said that he was angry or furious, but how he spoke indicated that he was at least upset with the situation. Even so, you had yet to experience him even raise his voice. Suguru dealt with issues like this and ones even worse with class and dignity every time.

“I know.” You said, taking his hand properly and finally matching his pace by the time you both had entered the parking lot. The award still clutched tight in your fingers.

“I honestly don’t know how you do it. I’m so proud of you for rising above it and being who you are.” There were the words of affirmation you needed.

Just as you were.

Despite the therapy, the dark themes and red flagged recipes for disaster wrapped up neatly inside a book cover to cover, how your mind worked and overworked, Suguru loved you just as you were.

Mostly the only person to confidently express it.

“I don’t know how I do it most of the time either.” You chuckled it off as a little joke, yet there were times where you found yourself counting to ten or taking the largest inhales of air so you didn’t scream the house down in mounted frustration.

The silence on the way home was comfortable. A quietness that settled like sediment in the bottom of a well, easily disturbed by either one of you talking and introducing your voices back into the space. It settled easily, but picked up and merged just as well.

“You called me your wife.” Just saying it carved a smile on your face.

“Well, you will be soon enough. We should get used to saying it, right?” You didn’t need to face him to see that he was smiling. “It suits perfectly.”

“I like the sound of it too.” The sound was nice, but the stress of planning something like a wedding was daunting enough.

You didn’t mention that to Suguru though. The stress of the book was enough. You were convinced that he had his reservations about it though. Still, he never expressed it regardless of how well the two of you communicated to each other.

The rest of the ride home sat nice enough, it had begun to rain by the time you had reached the house, coming down considerably hard when the weather report specified none. Once the garage door closed, Suguru came round to open your door before you could even get your seatbelt off.

You were still grasping your award. “This will look really good in the cabinet, won’t it?”

He helped you up and stayed holding you, “It’ll fit nicely. Why don’t you place it while I get the champagne. It doesn’t look like the rain’s going to stop any time soon, I think it’s a perfect time for a bath.”

You nodded and trotted off, slipping your stiletto heels onto the plush carpet in the hallway and padded towards the living area, the long awaited cabinet sitting there waiting for something to sit willingly in the glass chambers for its stomach.

My first award… Right there, in the middle, front and centre to show anyone who visited that you were a serious author who collected awards because you were doing alright for yourself. Perhaps, if you worked hard enough, you would give this baby trophy a hypothetical and equally as adorable sibling to accompany it behind that glass next year.

As you closed the door, the champagne cork popped off across the room in the open planned kitchen followed by a small fizz and splat. You turned and saw Suguru chuckle with a small foamy mess pouring out of the bottle's neck.

“I’ll clear it later.” He came over with the glasses and poured. “To the most beautiful, intelligent and talented person I have ever met. Congratulations, Dearest.”

A heartfelt cheers. You would choose this over everything you had gone through tonight. Every time.

“I couldn’t have done it without your support, hon.”

He took a sip, as did you and studied your face like it was the last time. “That was all you.”

The tension was palpable, his charm often shifted when the two of you were alone. It never ended either, his adoration for you that you often felt was misplaced. How could someone as beautiful as Suguru even notice you? Yet he still did.

“I’ll go run that bath.” One soft peck to your cheek and he was off towards the bathroom.

The night wasn’t ending at all just yet.

“Oh my…” Most of the time, you failed to even find the words to express how good Suguru made you feel when his fingers were deep inside you right to the knuckle.

The thing with Suguru, was that he was a giver. It was rare that he ever received because he enjoyed the art of giving more than you ever realised.

It was thunderous, the bathroom lit only by several candles visibly keeping the bath water warm without a top up over the goosebumps lacing your skin with sweat and bubbles. The grand sunken bath served its purpose far too many times to count.

Countless times you had Suguru over you, working your body to a fine tune he played so easily. He knew your body inside and out and made sure you knew it too.

“There. You think I can have one more from you, sweetheart? It would make me so proud.”

So sweaty and just his voice set everything on fire that made your eyes water. “I don’t- I think I… My make up-”

“Let it run down your face.” His fingers pushed slowly, painfully unhurried. “I’d always notice how beautiful you are in a pitch black room full of fog, mascara makes no difference.”

The delicate and almost patronising peck on your cheek to reassure you made the air even more dense. He just knew every single trick in the book to make you squirm.

Suguru leant forward and ran his lips loosely over the prickled skin of your chest, moving down to take a nipple between his teeth just to make you shudder. Overstimulation was something you responded well to and he just loved how much it affected you.

“I just need to-” Full eye contact just to steal the words from your throat.

“One more time.” It wasn’t a demand, but it may as well have been. “I know you can do it. Will you do it for me?”

He sucked and made a seal, flicking his tongue to send you wild though you stupidly hoped you could control the jerking erratic movements of your body. You wanted to finish all over him again, hand between your legs, fingers curled just perfectly.

One more time. Could you do it? Yes you could. It was brewing deep down like a tickle, an itch to satisfy or one for Suguru to scratch. It was just there, building and building.

“Do it. Come for me, sweetheart.” 

As though on cue, one last orgasm rolled through your abdomen just like the lightning outside. Ripping and clenching around his fingers in silence bar the quietly sloshing water and orange scented bubbles coating the soaked skin of your stomach.

“Four times. Good job.” Everything he said was like sparkling dust and glitter. Your ears perked to it and hung on every word like melted butter.

What a way to end such a momentous day for your career. Wet and proud with one gorgeous man between your thighs.

Sort of blissful.

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(Master list)

Tag list -> If you want to be tagged, let me know! <3

DISCLAIMER - I do not own any of the characters of Jujutsu Kaisen. This is a work of fan fiction and is absolutely not representative of the views or intentions of the original creator(s).

The side characters and advanced plot is my own work. A gift for @vampir-queen and original idea for this fic is their's.

Also Please don’t post any of my work without permission thank you!

[essie-essex]

Vampire the Masquerade - OC Deep Dive

(I don't remember the exact formatting of the post I saw, but hopefully this is close. I wasn't tagged by anyone. I just felt like doing this.)

Character name: Asha Mariam

Clan: Tremere. Regent of the chantry in her city. Loyal to House and Clan Tremere (obviously).

art by @crownedinmarigolds

What common/uncommon fear do they have?

Someone finding out her (and her sire's) secret.

On another note, she does not have a fear of fire. She was afraid of many things as a human, and after her embrace, she did not want to be afraid anymore and sought to find a way to protect herself from fire. She found a way. Most others believe it is the strange tattoos on her skin and sigils she embroiders on her clothing that protect her. Unfortunately, the method she chose makes her extremely vulnerable to those with the True Faith.

Losing the few friends she has, due to a conflict of interest. Especially those outside of the clan. She has done things behind at least one friend's back that he would not approve of.

Do they have any pet peeves?

She doesn't like it when apprentices sabotage each other to get ahead. She believes it weakens the clan and thinks that they should work together. She emphasizes this during orientation for apprentices. If they choose to sabotage the work of another apprentice, they had better not get caught.

Being called a witch. She's not curdling your milk or making your crops fail. She is a sorceress or a magus.

Other Tremere, especially adepts, resorting to petty insults when dealing with those outside of the clan. Surely, Clan Tremere is above this sort of childish behavior.

Mentioning Carna, House Carna, or anything about Carna or the other traitors in her presence.

False flattery.

What are 3 items you can find in their bedroom?

A silver-colored sphere, used as a communication device.

A packet of papers including general guidelines and helpful information for neonates.

A cabinet containing the vitae of every apprentice who has ever resided in her chantry.

What do they notice first in a person?

Their demeanor and the way they say their words. She wants to know what their motivation is. She is always seeking to manipulate others into helping the clan.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how high is their pain tolerance?

Pretty high. Like an 8. Her sire put her through a lot in her early years, including physical discipline.

Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure? (or freeze and fawn)

Freeze. She likes to think about what she is doing before she does it. This can be a disadvantage at times. Luckily, she's pretty resilient.

What animal represents them best?

A talking snake.

How would a stranger likely describe them?

It depends on who is describing them. For some, she is reckless and dangerous, mostly due to her actions during her first year after her embrace. Now she has learned discipline and patience from her sire and is not like that anymore, but it's hard to ditch the reputation she earned in her youth. Others may think she is manipulative. The Tremere tend to come out ahead in any city she shows up in. Some others, especially her fellow Tremere, think of her as loyal, and despite coming from the most underhanded backstabiest (making up a word here) clan, deals with her are mostly predictable. Mostly.

“Stay way from her. She may seem like she's friendly and wise, willing to break taboos and help a fledgling navigate the labyrinth of horrors that is this unlife, but remember, she's a Tremere, and the best advice you'll ever get is to never trust a Tremere.” --Nosferatu primogen

“Back when she was a neonate, she messed up bad, but for some reason she was bailed out. Now she's basically Meerlinda's bitch.” --an anonymous Tremere

Do they have any hobbies?

Embroidery, singing, and she's taken an interest in technology and surveillance.

I tag: @the-100th-witch @losieee @lacroixgrimoire @vtm-nightcity @straight-edge-hippy @ventruetower @hubakon1368 @nebula-cnidaria @vampiremood @medeaft @candycorn128 and all the vtm people. I'm so sorry I can't remember your names, but tag me if you do this!

[milksuu]

⌜modern!au!hwei x gn!reader⌟ ╰ ❝ A WORK OF ART ❞

❥ prompt: Hwei takes you on a date. But you're not really the 'artsy-fartsy' type. ❥ content/warnings: established relationship, fluff, suggestive language/themes ❥ word count: 668 an;; i swore i would write something for hwei when he came out. i have fulfilled my promise...to myself lol.

"Tell me. When you gaze into this painting. What sort of feelings does it possess you with?"

"I'm possessed with the idea that someone spilled their coffee on it. And to cover it up, tried to wipe it away. But only smudged it around before deciding 'Ah, yes. This was an obvious intentionally stroke of genius. No one will suspect a thing.' And now, I'm feeling like I could go for a latte."

Hwei pauses, pinching his lips to side at your observation. He bows his head, as if coming to an inevitable conclusion. Which was, in fact, your glaring lack of an artistic eye. Still, he lifts a smile, not giving up on the idea that bringing you to a ritzy art gallery wasn't the worst idea he's ever had.

"Surely," he speaks low as to not disturb the other patrons busying themselves with the view, "you must have some inkling of emotion when you see it. Don't you?"

"Hwei," you finally turn, closing the galla pamphlet you were pressed to take. "You're asking an accountant what they think about art. Honestly, I'm more concerned about the price tag. In which case, I feel a sense of remorse for whoever plans to buy it. It's a blank canvas with a coffee stain."

"I'm beginning to think that you might lack just a fine hair of imagination." He bears a soft smile that washes away any nerve you have over his quip. He has a way of making his jests lighthearted and almost poetic. But that never meant he wasn't being truthful. Maybe that's what made him so dangerous to begin with. And that's what made you stall for a breath whenever you were with him.

Lifting an arm, he gestures for you to take it. You do, and allow him to escort you to whatever part of the gallery he wants to try and entertain you with. He's made a point to inspire you, and even mold you into someone who could potentially appreciate the crafts. He's put a lot of faith in potential. And that you could say, was not the most pragmatic way of going about things.

After a slow waltz to the next atrium, he brings you to stand before a chiseled, marble sculpture of a man. Carved with such expression and lines, it wouldn't surprise you if it started breathing. Quitely, you trace the statues body, down the the very detail of what was between his legs. By curve and size alone, you gather the artist didn't want this particular piece to be missed.

"It's giving me a sense of," you breathe in a refined breath for air, twirling a dramatic hand to the lower region. "Phallic."

You think Hwei will try to argue with you. Chastise you for your childish take on fine art. And possibly end the date early from sheer offense. Instead, he covers his mouth from his airy laughs.

"It seems you have a very good eye for these kinds of things. I knew I was dealing with an expert." A hint of amusement lightens the dark circles pressed beneath his sultry eyes. "I may or may not have have been thinking the same thing."

"My turn to ask the questions, then." You clear your throat, mimicking his ornate style of speech. 'Tell me. What sort of thoughts does it possess you with?'"

"I'm possessed with the thought"—he chuckles, closing the gap between your bodies. His lips mere inches away from yours. Whispering the last of his secret—"of how badly I want to kiss you right now."

"Really? In front of a Greek man's marbled penis, surrounded by a room full of voyeurs?" Your fingers take the fabric of his turtleneck, pressing him closer. "I would've never guessed this is what turns you on."

"Oh. You have absolutely no idea." Hwei concludes, quieting your breathy laughs with his lips. It blooms a cascade of warm tones in your chest, and you feel your cheeks bruise an intense hue of pink.

There's a time and place for when you would tell him.

That the way he makes you feel is your favorite work of art.

[micamicster]

HII MICA i just wanted to ask your thoughts in the new season now that youve finished it, especially your favorite moments, episodes, and songs!!

Ok here are my long awaited (sorry babe!) season 2 thoughts! This really got away from me haha but long story short: I loved it ❤️

Long story medium: Nida Manzoor has done it again—beautiful, vibrant, funny, and poignant. A season 2 that succeeds in expanding the world and deepening our understanding of the characters. And the songs are great!

Long story LONG: under the cut <3 (and also I’ve reread this and i have managed to avoid any major spoilers so if you haven’t watched yet this post should be safe!)

I went into this season VERY apprehensive. I think the first season is a practically perfect season of television, and over the last few years I’ve had plenty of time to think of all the ways a second season could fail to deliver. But as the credits rolled on season 2 episode 1 my sister and I just sat there grinning at the screen like you guys we are SO back!!!!

Some thoughts, in no particular order:

The writing: Nida Manzoor has a knack for putting her finger right on the sore spot—right on the place where the show is most likely to receive criticism, and digging in. Not in a gotcha, bad faith sort of way, but by pulling those issues apart and showing how painful and complicated and nuanced these questions of representation and responsibility really are. Not to give too many spoilers but whew. Her episode fives! Other people can speak to this better than me but this seasons episode 5 was raw, painful, pointed… simultaneously a criticism of art and representation as political commentary, and like the only possible political commentary that could be made under these conditions. Fictional battles with censorship, identity, representation, and responsibility meet the very real world, where Nida Manzoor is producing a real show. To quote manzoor herself, “i don’t want to give the answer to the audience because i don’t have it—I don’t want to ever feel like I’m preaching or delivering a sermon about anything; instead, just posing the question.” It’s such a good show guys.

Character Arcs: The arcs given to the band members who were secondary characters in season one were executed beautifully. Getting more insight into Taz, Ayesha, and Bisma (and giving more to do to their incredible actresses!) was exactly what I’d hoped for from a season 2.

God I Wish The Show Was Longer part A: While I loved (and badly wanted!) more time with the other girls, I did miss the tight focus on saira and Amina as narrative foils and drivers of each others character development that season one had. Not just from a shipping perspective! (although we all know I’m guilty of shipping for sure lol). But I did miss their relationship, and a longer season would have given us more time to spare from the other important arcs going on to return to things I loved about season one.

Compared to season 1: One difference I noticed was how the surrealist elements aren’t only contained to Amina/her narration anymore, but that other characters have them or interact with them (Bisma pausing her arguments, Ahsan trying and failing to interrupt the spotlight on Amina and Billy). I thought it was a great way to show how much closer the characters have become (that Ahsan would even notice Amina’s little fantasy!) and also as a way to give narration over to different characters (Bisma being the clear pov in those fights as compared to Amina narrating things she’s only heard about in season 1). Another difference is how each episode of season 1 is so well-contained and precise, while I feel the show sprawls more in season 2 as a result of expanding the world and becoming more of a true ensemble show. This isn’t a criticism—shows need to expand in order to continue to grow! Just an observation, which leads us to:

God I Wish The Show Was Longer part 2: Around episode 4 and 5 I wondered if they were going to be able to tie everything up, given how many complex issues and conflicts had been raised. I had no reason to doubt—Nida Manzoor brought these conflicts and arcs to deeply satisfying conclusions, without feeling like these issues lost nuance or were reduced in complexity for the sake of a finale. It’s incredible what all she managed to achieve in 6 episodes! That said, I would have loved to have been able to see more of the characters journeys, and one or two more episodes would have given things more room to breathe. I would have loved to see more of Taz’s work with other artists, or Saira becoming more comfortable with the idea of herself as a mentor. Bisma’s arc in particular I thought could have used more time, although Faith Omole’s stunning performance of Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood does beautiful emotional work for her arc (and tbh for everyone else’s arcs—it’s a centerpiece of the episode and a great example of what a song can do for character, emotion, and arc in a musical narrative). Which brings us to!

The performances/songs: Putting these two together to say that every actress delivered an incredible award-worthy performance, juggling comedy and dramatic acting skillfully. And the songs! Villain Era is on fucking repeat in this house. Already said Misunderstood is amazing but it should be said again. Nina is pretty much the toughest act in the world to follow but Faith fucking does it. Stunning ❤️ Speaking of Faith her doing the voices in Oops I Did It Again was the happiest I’ve been all year oh my god this show is so much funnnnnnn everyone watch it it’s so! fun!

[aeternallis]

High-Context Culture at Play and Kim's Mode of Communicating // a rant

So, something I notice once in awhile when I go through the tags on Ao3 for KPTS fics are commentary on the lack of communication in the show—specifically, how Kim doesn't communicate. Tags such as, "Kim communicates, it's a miracle", "OOC because they actually communicate", "Kim uses his words", "Healthy Communication, so it's OOC", etc etc.

This isn't meant to call anyone out and mind you, this isn't something I've only seen in the KPTS fandom; tags like these are also used in a lot of danmei fics I see, as well as the sheer variety of anime/manga fics I've read in my time.

And ngl, when I see those tags...my gut reaction is often to feel that they sound very much tongue-in-cheek and somewhat mocking. Not just to the character himself, but to the narrative itself. It's a bit uncomfortable at times, reading those kinds of tags, even if I know to myself that there's likely no malicious intent behind it.

For what it's worth, I won't apply bad faith arguments on works of art and creativity, and I'm certainly not looking to police fic on Ao3, yknow?

Having said that though and just because I have yet to see a post talking about this topic explicitly, I also feel that it's important to some degree to understand how people communicate in Thailand, and Asia in general.

Mind you, I’m no expert in Thai culture, lemme repeat that yet again. They have unspoken social rules that I myself wouldn't understand because I'm not Thai, nor do I speak Thai. Asia at large, though sharing a unique set of many similar values, is not a homologous region; each country has a rich tapestry of history and culture and very much different from one another.

Yet, as someone who grew up in an Asian household who shares many of said values, I often feel like—when it comes to East Asian/Southeast Asian fictional characters at large—there has always been an unconscious, almost knee-jerk habit I often see in fanfiction to reshape their style of communication to a more western context, if that makes sense. As someone who used to translate doujinshi and Pixiv 小説 for fun, it was always noticeable and a bit jarring, once I moved over to read my fanfic of choice, yknow.

This isn't inherently or purposefully malicious in any way, but it can feel very dismissive, even if it's unconsciously done.

Thailand and most if not all of SE Asia operate in a high-context culture. High-context culture means that when we communicate, it’s not always so much the words themselves that matter, but the context surrounding those words: body language, tone, eye contact, a person’s social status, etc etc. The words sometimes only convey part of the intent, but it doesn’t convey everything. In some situations, the words themselves can even mean the exact opposite of what they’re trying to convey.

It's why so many misunderstandings happen between international fans on platforms like X, because the nuance is often lost in Google Translate.

On the other end of that, we can use Tumblr as the example: since this is mostly an English-speaking website, for the most part, this hellsite operates on a low-context culture, but is easily ignited with outrage based on seemingly high-context traits. LOLOL

This type of communication is not always easily translated into the subtitles, nor is it remotely perfect in any way. It can be quite complex, and hell, even in the context of its own culture, misunderstandings can and do happen all the time. And, as we've seen from the recent popularity boom of East Asian media from the past two or three decades to the American and western audience at large, some of the most compelling drama can come from these sorts of human error.

Besides that, if I’m being perfectly honest, almost always (one of) the source(s) of fandom drama when it comes to character interpretation is due to the nuances of the high-context culture the story takes place in that can have the loudest enthusiasts arguing back and forth.

This is particularly true for characters like Kim Theerapanyakul, who are meant to be portrayed as mysterious and unreadable.

(Lan Wangji and Hyakuya Mika are also a few that comes to mind in my personal experience, uh huh)

To be quite frank, it's why I personally avoid getting into any nitty gritty discussion when it comes to characters like Kim and LWJ, because they mean so much to many different people, as well as simply for the fact that I do not know everyone's emotional tolerance when it comes to disagreements. Lol What I'm saying right now can be taken to be hard-hitting fandom policing, when I'm really trying hard not for it to sound like that, nor is it even my intent. I'm not telling anyone that they're wrong or that they've misinterpreted the characters, but what I am saying, is that people in fandoms, especially for the English-Only Speakers at large, need to be more consciously aware of their cultural biases.

And before I go on, mind you, it’s perfectly okay to have cultural biases—we all have them, myself included, that's just a fact of life. No one is exempt from this, if anyone is itching to point fingers.

I don't think it's an unreasonable thing to say that if one is engaging in media that's not from their cultural context, it's good to be more aware of the surrounding cultural norms and values of that said piece of media when you apply your own interpretation to it, and especially when you may not be the intended audience.

It’s why “your headcanons are not my headcanons” is, I will always believe, a very good rule to adhere to, especially when peeps disagree with popular headcanons, so fandoms can be more respectful and tolerant of each otherrrrrrr when disagreements inevitably crop upppppp, but anywayyyyyy~

I’ve met enough expats who’ve lived abroad in my current line of work to say that trying to understand the unspoken social rules, norms, values, etc. of the foreign country they choose to live in is most often one of their biggest sources of frustration. Alas.

And, as a side-note: high-context cultures are in no way superior to low-context cultures. Both modes of communication have their pros and cons, and molds society in various different ways.

But I digress! An example of the high-context culture at play is the break-up scene in front of Kim's apartment, which I've seen a number of fic authors portray as a genuine apology from Kim:

Which—in terms of what was spoken, Kim did say he was sorry.

But let’s think about the context of the apology: he said the words as he was walking away, before pulling his arm from Chay’s grasp. He looks back at Chay coldly, and overall, his behavior is dismissive; from his body language alone, he portrays a picture of aloofness and treats Chay as an annoyance.

What he says is an apology, yes—but it's an apology with no sincerity whatsoever. It's why Chay broke down as hard as he did, because it's not just Kim's lies that had him reeling, it was the fact that in the context of how Kim dismissed Chay during that scene, it also heavily implies that nothing between them had ever been sincere. Kim completely reverses the understanding that Chay had of their friend/relation-ship and cuts it off completely.

And although what I'm saying may come across as "Duh, that's freakin' obvious," I also want to add another point: Kim would know the implications of what this non-apology is. He would understand the context in which he'd said those words. Whether he chose to regret them or not later on is up for debate, but it's interesting to see whenever fic authors use this scene as an excuse that Kim genuinely thought he apologized, just because he said the words out loud.

Do you see what I mean? In that scene, the canon's context is what matters, but I've seen enough fic where that scene is turned on its head and fic!Kim thinks and excuses himself, portraying the scene to somehow mean that it's the words that matter. The nuance is thus lost, so in turn, the emotional weight of that scene is also disregarded.

This is what I mean when I say that there is an unconscious habit some fic authors have in changing the communication style that the show is set in.

Because the reality is, Kim didn't apologize. He knew he didn't, and Chay most certainly knew he didn't. What he was communicating in that scene was entirely different from what an actual apology entails.

Be that as it may, the audience knows that the non-apology doesn't negate what he and Chay went through together in the show. He may have been lying to Chay for the majority of the story in regards to his involvement in the mafia, but it doesn't mean that the love and adoration he feels for Chay through his actions didn't come through. Kim may not have said much to Chay besides singing for him a (stolen) refurbished version of his own song, but it doesn’t mean that his intent wasn’t conveyed. It's why Chay cried the way he did, in that in some way or another, the song Kim sang is a reminder of everything that happened between them did have truth to it.

Just because they communicate in the way one may not be used to or unfamiliar with (especially in the low-context culture that countries like the US, Canada, Australia, etc. operate in), doesn't mean that they're not communicating to one another.

Healthy communication doesn’t always have to just mean “straightforward meaning in the words.”

When tags like the ones I mentioned earlier in this rant inevitably crop up, especially when it comes to characters who are non-American/British, one can't help but feel that their canon mode of communication is being mocked and made to be seen as inferior.

In which case, TL;DR, when one writes tags like these about certain characters, I sincerely hope that their cultural biases are in the forefront of their mind, and they're aware and humble enough to admit that there are some things that they may not understand in terms of the cultural context. And due to the fact that they do not understand it, hopefully not mock it in response.

[roboj0e]

"girl please" is a neutral phrase lmao but my bad ig. anyway, to 99% of the population a fetish and a kink mean more or less the same thing. if there's a difference could you explain it? thx... btw you're not a feminist if you think it's ok to draw or get off to sexual art of children, even if they're fictional/cartoon... you do realize a lot of shota and loli content is traced from photos of kids, right? my abuser made cartoon csem traced from my photos. :/

My dad used to force me to watch csem and distributed csem of me also exists. I actually get sent it sometimes on facebook who I know are just my dad using sock puppet accounts. Did I win the CSA Olympics? Am I now enough of an authority of this trauma to make unsubstantiated claims? I could trauma dump unsolicited on you too but I have compassion so I won't and also I'm not about to plead for my humanity from someone who won't listen and engage in good faith anyways.

I'm sorry that happened to you but it would have happened regardless of the existence of lolisho. Abusers are gonna abuse no matter what. This was the first thing I learned in therapy. What's funny is it was lolisho that help me realize my abuse. Yes I understood sexual abuse conceptually but I couldn't recognize it happening to ME until I saw my situation reflected back at me in a safe sane scenario. My therapist said it was bc I was repressing it in denial and only allowing myself to fantasize about it in a safe environment was I able to recognize it as abuse. Funny how life works like that huh.

Oh to explain I completely forgot bc I had to write this twice bc Tumblr crashed. A fetish is a sexual reliance on something to achieve sexual arousal or gratification and can be sexual.outside of sexual contexts. A kink amplifies sexual gratification, usually has to do with roleplay or sexual acts/positions/height/weight and has to be negotiated and communicated and consentual. Ppl do use them interchangeably BUT specifically with the word fetishize ur using it wrong in this case. To fetishize something there must be both dehumanization and objectification. U can not dehumanize or objectify fictional characters they are not human and are already objects.

No I don't support sexual art of children. This sort of phrasing is just a deliberate misrepresention so u can position urself as morally righteous and disengage from the conversation early and not have to examine what anyone is actually saying. They are fictional characters. They can be any age, any race and body type and have any name at any time. They are objects. They don't exist and can not accumulate trauma the way you or i can. They do not need protection.

If u don't like it that's fine. Especially considering your trauma. But ur claim is unsupported and wildly inaccurate. Do not projects ur trauma onto others especially as it pertains to facts about criminal psychology and sex crimes. This is unhealthy and will lead to paranoia that same paranoia that brought u to ur conclusion here. This is not pervasive enough in lolisho to be considered a trend or even the default. But you also could be sharing real abusive images/scenarios no matter what form of media u engage with. But that doesn't not mean we should sanitize art and media on the off chance someone could be evil. Your not exempt from the same personal responsibility ur trying to place on me just bc u don't engage in fictional pornographic material and it's not especially heinous when it's fictional art versus and any other medium. We could all be unknowingly sharing and engageing with abusive material but all we can do is protect and believe victims and figure out as a society how to reduce harm.

No banning lolisho or any media is not a solution. Studies show most csem is produced/distributed by parent/guardians. The best way to protect children is to advocate for children rights and the reduction of parental rights. Experts have been saying this for years. Children being treated like property both by law and society is what is perpetuating their abuse. Not fictional art.

Censorship is not the solution. Any historical application of censorship has always ALWAYS lead to the mistreatment and silencing of victims and marginalized communities. This will make it difficult for victims to appeal to censors and share their stories which are valuable for understanding abuse but also valuable bc it is art. And incentivizing ppl to invade other peoples privacy to be sure they have the right identity/trauma to create a specific type of art is fascism. So is censoring or banning that art. This will do nothing but silence and shame victims. This is happening still right now and has happened plenty in the past. Guilt and shame ONLY perpetuates sexual abuse.

This is also forcing ppl to engage in art and fiction with a paranoid analysis FIRST. telling ppl they can tell whose a good or bad person based on what they draw/write or engage with is not healthy and is antithetical to educating ppl on how to recognize abuse. It's irresponsible and It's giving children and teens anxiety disorders. Look at any ex anti/proship anonymous confessions. Look at the damage ppl are causing with this third grade level of word association and cause and effect. Ppl are developing POCD. Me included ALMOST.

Experts have been saying for decades now that fictional sexual material has no link to escalation into sexual violence or engaging in paraphilias. No fiction doesnt effect reality. these same psychologists that have debunked claims such as "violent video games cause violence" have also researched how it operates the same with fictional sexual material. There's no special circumstance just bc it's sex or porn.

Just bc u navigate the world on disgust and paranoia doesn't mean I have to. I listen to the science and research. While also having my own experience to draw from.

As a CSA victim with a SEX THERAPIST do u really think I would not have done my due diligence before engaging in any community?? I've done a hell of a lot of work to get where I am now. Sexually liberated and healthy. Both personal growth and LOTS of research into sex crimes. And I really don't feel like hearing regressive religiously programmed sex negative thoughts on the fiction I enjoy.

I am a feminist tho. I'm just not regressive and reactionary. 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

[baileyblethen]

COMPENDIUM OF A MADMAN

Preface:

Desmos, the Greek name for shackled, is how I have often felt. It is only in writing this tale that I can feel the bonds loosen unto snapping. For, my life has been near to Phaethon’s journey. Emerging from a semi-hedonistic youth entwined with vague Catholic guilt, to eventually arriving on the platform of doubt, a stop before my way to truth. For, as with Iris, the beauty of the rainbow leaves me in wonder, and I can confidently affirm that wonder has given me closure. This tale is the truth, just from one side, mine. I do not attempt to hide any bias, for another’s story is not mine to tell. As with my real life, the story is turbulent, for in the beginning you find a youth disturbed, grasping for what he believes dearest. Pains and joys are found, but from both he does that which Ovid had his cast do, change. To metamorphose as a man is not a quick or easy affair. The trials and tribulations of life often seem to stymie the change, or even more often, sink you back further into your original state. Being twenty-eight at the time of writing this preface may mean that I undergo many more changes in my life, as long as it goes; but while it does I shall strive to align all towards what I truly seek. That is what this tale attempts to tell, a story of grasping beyond the passion driven and intemperate self, to find something sustaining, which not only sustains, but breathes life in return. Yet, ambiguous language is dangerous, so frankly the tale shows Bailey begin to ascertain the truth of life, and realize that there is a worthy life within this sphere. Contrary to Jacques Maritain, I may not have a habitus, and this may detract from the tale and attempt at art, as for especially with the beginning, it tells the story of a life lacking virtue. Yet, as Jacques Maritain, I seek to make perfect that which I create in its own image. And to do so I must be honest. Honesty for me includes creating how I recall my own life into my work, which will riddle or enhance the journey with allusion. However, I seek not to simply give an autobiography, or a dull recounting of my life. For if I were to simply retell it, I, myself would lose attention fast and label myself as an outcast sinner. I do not have the imagination to produce fantasy, but what I lay on these pages satisfies me, for it is as it was, and exacting replications can be left to the naturalists and biographers. It is also vital to emphasize that what is written is not any attempt at a progressive history, or guide in any sort of ethics. No, I believe I would be one of the poorest guides, and what I have poured out in these pages is a plea. A plea to think on the good life, as well as the bad. There is no answer given, only prompts which one may form on his own. I was born into a faith but had never embraced it, and even rebelled in some manner, until I started to become faithful, which to this day I find myself still becoming. This is evident in the writing itself, for answers were waning when I began this novella, yet I still sought to find the best of life. And now at the end of the book, I like to think of myself as a very bad Christian, but I still try. And I do sincerely hope that one day I may in good conscience write a redeeming sequel to this novella, if I am ever held fast by virtue. So Christians, atheists, agnostics, and all, you have every right to find fault with my tale, but I will hold fast to it, for what has been done can not be undone. The uplifting part I find is that what unfolds beyond this page is the chance to reflect, and perhaps there will be others who enjoy, as I do, evaluating actions and beliefs, so as to adopt, or even perfect ones learned. Looking back helps me move forward, and only then am I happy in the present, and perhaps the eternal.

I am now thirty and looking to promote my book. This piece has been for me the most honest introspection I have ever done, which prompts me to wish to share this, and hopefully has some merit to the insights found within.

It is currently free for kindle and the paperback is for sale here: https://www.amazon.com/Compendium-Madman-Bailey-Blethen/dp/B0BT6V58SM/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=54JQN47XBH4Y&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.EixqhUr1p5LCgz7S4bIxPJbiIxd5ox6pLxjG0384pXM.x6U6I6JzYvFo-vkP-C81K3Ae9sriPc52GanSAIhorF4&dib_tag=se&keywords=compendium+of+a+madman&qid=1717697114&sprefix=%2Caps%2C116&sr=8-1

[jabesa0]

hi Jackie!!

did you ever feel hopeless or insecure about yourself and your art or feel scared or unmotivated to continue drawing? if yes, do you have any tips on how to cope with that and not to lose faith and motivation?

sorry if the question is too personal btw, love your art!!!!💋

Hello there!!

Hmmm I’d definitely say there’s been times where I’ve been extremely unhappy with my art, though most of it was before drawing mammon.

(More under the cut it got long again lol)

A lot of it stemmed from the typical “can’t seem to find my style” issues that a lot of artists face! I was also generally just unhappy with just my skill level at the time and what I expected myself to be producing, even if I wasn’t ready yet! I’d more likely than not have a bunch of unfinished works that I’d never touch again because I simply lost interest in them the more I worked on them.

I had always liked art and drawing, with people being my main focus, but I don’t think I ever had a direct sort of connection or muse like I have now with mammon.

I know it’s a bit silly but through falling in love with mammon, I was able to sort of give myself the drive I have now to keep improving and working! Rather than studying and practicing just for the sake of it, I would work so that I can draw mammon as best as I can. And if I can’t draw him the way I picture, I simply find ways to improve and take note of so I CAN draw him like I want!

I know it’s said a lot in the art community but genuinely finding something or someone specific that you love with all your heart will help you improve, because you’re doing it for your love of that muse that you have for yourself :D!! Whenever i find myself with free time to draw, i promise you I won’t work on a single thing other than whatever mammon project i have next, and through that I’ve improved many aspects of my art!!

Oh and also take a break when drawings seem to be going bad!! When I struggle with a piece and think “damn this one sucks bad I’m scrapping this”, it’s usually later at night so I choose to go to bed and get a fresh start tomorrow so I can see what’s really bugging me with a piece!

Anyways that’s really my way of not losing motivation, maybe it’ll work for you (hopefully it does!!)!! But definitely for me, my adoration for mammon has spurred me on to work hard so that one day I’ll get asked to paint a beautiful mammon mural that they’ll display on like….the Sistine chapel two or something

[windienine]

i keep wondering whether, under the right circumstances/when cast by a proficient enough magician, artisanry could just... make a new human being, either in part or whole-cloth.

things we know about artisanry so far:

most people in the mosaic know at least a little bit of it.

it is part of the typical school curriculum in the mosaic.

you can use it to make various physical objects and constructs out of your own energy.

it's used widely in manufacturing. most trade goods in the mosaic are put together using magic. (let's think about why the mosaic is capitalist voice) if you could skirt having to bother with physical resources and just use people's energy as a renewable resource, why wouldn't you? you can still mark up the price on quality goods, since they took more time, skill, and energy to produce. and if everyone's working... they'll buy things they don't have the skill or energy to create for themselves.

the fact that ysmé casts very quickly is bizarre and shows both considerable magical power and prowess. however, her constructs are "unstable"-- if they're damaged or a strong force acts upon them, they vanish.

loïc is not good at casting with artisanry at all.

guesses based on that + setting details:

the manufacturing thing is why the mosaic has such advanced technology despite limited access to natural resources. self-sufficiency would create an insular, commodity-focused culture, and people who leave the mosaic willingly for the outside world (now that it's been all but confirmed there's no money to be made in looting ruins or building new towns) are now seen as eccentrics at best.

artisanry is state-sanctioned.

how good you are with artisanry heavily affects your job prospects. obviously, more skilled artists will have more skilled art clients, but the guy who can make automatons, power cables, and vehicles with his mind probably has ironclad tenure at his engineering job.

if flower reading is connected to fayim and you're borrowing a bit of their power/connecting with their emotions when you cast with it, artisanry occupies something analogous for the builder. it's connected, in the public mind, to a sort of faith.

if flower reading requires translative and poetic knowledge for a good cast, artisanry requires mathematic and engineering knowledge of how something physically works. want to make clothing? you'd best understand the stitching, the material, and the measurements.

there is an official "correct" way to cast with it that is widely agreed upon, and people who use magic in the "wrong" ways or by the "wrong" methods are suspect.

i think the big question that all leaves me with is like

this would by all accounts be wildly unethical, but can you make living things out of artisanry, if you understand on a structural level how a living thing works? could you create an automaton that highly resembles a living thing from the outside? are most constructs made of artisanry (at least at the highest level of skill) indefinitely stable, or do they start to denature after the creator dies and need to be replaced or at least reinforced by another magician?

[billysjoel]

ttpd thoughts

for the record, i'm not trying to be like. purposely hateful or anything, i'm just so deeply disappointed with her. this last year has been a mess and she's repeatedly acted in ways that, at the very least, rub me in the wrong way and at their worst have disgusted me and made me lose so much respect for/faith in her. miss americana has become a piece of performance art rather than any sort of meaningful activism.

she made a very public display of dating/hooking up with a bigot and basically said "fuck you, i do what i want" in response to valid criticism and then tried to smooth it over by working with one of the women he'd called slurs. almost every time she spoke this year, whether in an interview or through tree, she reinforced my worry that she views herself as untouchable and that any sort of negativity or criticism directed toward her should be discounted because she's an "underdog" and a woman, despite the fact that there are very real issues with her words and actions. and don't get me started on everything with football guy and his trump-loving ass.

she is absolutely allowed to do, say, date, fuck, etc. anyone and anything she wants. she can write songs about all of it. she can do damage control and pr and control the narrative however she chooses. she can run smear campaigns and drag names through the mud while maintaining she's the perpetual victim when she's arguably the one with the most power in any given situation. i can appreciate that fame presents a set of challenges that i will never experience or fully comprehend.

but i'm also allowed to have my opinions on it, especially when so much of it is so heavily publicized. there is so much we will never know and there is also so much we do know that we never should have. pretty much since eras was announced, she's become so deeply oversaturated and it went from being cool to see so much hype and getting a new album and new re-recordings to feeling like everything is about money and breaking records. it's become a machine, a content factory, and so many decisions feel rushed, incomplete, and incongruent. it doesn't feel like there's been real thought about the material itself and instead it's become about aesthetics and sensationalism.

i think that's why i'm so frustrated right now and it's highly likely that these albums will grow on me or at least some of the songs. i've been listening to the 12 songs i liked on repeat since i finished my initial run through each album and i already like them even more. but i wish that it could truly just be about the music for me. that's what's always been most meaningful to me about taylor is her lyricism and the stories she tells through her songs. but knowing everything i know and having seen everything i've seen over the past year, it's tainted my perception of the albums and the songs on them.

i think that taylor has a lot of growing to do as a person. i've heard people say that sometimes celebrities are frozen at the age they became famous and i think that really shows in taylor's case. the irony of a song being titled "so high school" was certainly not lost on me. a lot of her phrasing feels very juvenile, just as her treatment of joe and everything surrounding the end of their relationship has been. i never really had feelings about him one way or another, and as i mentioned above, there's a lot we'll never know about what happened between them. but she's been pushing her victim narrative so hard and the only thing i've seen from joe is his support of palestine. actions speak a lot louder than words. it changed so drastically from the initial news of their breakup being amicable to turning him into yet another villain. i have no doubt in my mind that taylor has been treated very poorly by a lot of the men in her life, and joe is likely not an exception. but i'm to the point where i have to take everything she says with a heaping tablespoon of salt.

at the end of the day, taylor's music is her own and i understand why she's said that she wants her work to be about the music and not about the men. i can see how it would feel invalidating to have her songs picked apart and attributed to the men they're written about. and i'm not even trying to do that here. but i can't recall a time when she's been so public about her relationships? in the past, it's felt a lot more like speculation, but jesus, between ratty and tk this past year, we've just been inundated with so much that unless i was an extremely casual fan that managed to escape her face on every news show, billboard, and social media website, i can't fathom not knowing what she's singing about on these albums. she can't have it both ways.

i still have all the music that came before ttpd, and like i said, with subsequent listens, ttpd will probably grow on me a bit, but idk man, i'm over it. and i think it's important to be willing and able to criticize or at the very least analyze your favorite media, whether it's music or tv or film or literature or whatever else. your favorite thing probably sucks in one way or another and pretending it doesn't doesn't make you a better person than someone who acknowledges it. these are complex, extremely nuanced things i take issue with and when it comes down to it, i will never know taylor personally and be able to talk to her about these things and get her point of view and her thoughts. that leaves me to say my piece, which is what this post is.

as a recovering swiftie, i'm just so very tired.

[26thwinter]

kihyun, hyungwon, & changkyun: moon opposite chiron

something i noticed is that monbebe that bias either kihyun, hyungwon, or changkyun tend to also bias one of the other two 🤣 my theory is that those monbebe are drawn to the emotional complexity of these three members. there is an aspect all three have in common: moon opposite chiron; the child is at odds with the wounded healer. trauma doesn't heal as effectively, resulting in people who are emotionally closed off, and shy away from being vulnerable with others.

the most obvious example of this is changkyun. the shyest out of the members, he's mentioned before that he pushes people away out of fear of getting hurt. changkyun's moon-chiron opposition actually forms a t-square with his mercury. with mercury as the focal planet, he spends a lot of time in his head thinking about his emotions, his trauma, and why everything keeps happening to him. think of a t-square as a bow, with the focal planet being the force pulling back the string. what is the trigger that will release the arrow and relieve the tension? we look for harmonic aspects to the focal planet. for changkyun, he has saturn sextile and neptune conjunct his mercury. he has to learn how to heal the hard way, face his demons and grow as a person. simultaneously, he must maintain faith in the world and the universe, while continuing to express himself through his art. music is catharsis for him. if he were to show people his wounds, would he be embraced with open arms?

someone you wouldn't really expect to have these kinds of struggles is kihyun. he's known for his fiery energy and robust stamina. this is because that is exactly what he wants you to see. kihyun's moon-chiron opposition also forms a t-square, but it's with his mars, the planet of violence, aggression, and getting what you want. kihyun burns through any troubles that he has and uses it as fuel to make him shine brighter and brighter so that you can't see his pain. unlike changkyun, kihyun doesn't have a "release." the danger of mars is always there, but that doesn't mean that he's perpetually violent - quite the opposite in fact. kihyun has buffers that ease the tension between his moon and chiron, most noticeably mercury. he also spends time thinking quietly on his own, but he doesn't drown in obsession like changkyun does. with his razor sharp mind, he's able to get to the bottom of things pretty quickly (but that doesn't mean he won't be devastated by what he finds. he just doesn't let it overwhelm him). his moon makes additional harmonic aspects with venus and jupiter, which allows him to maintain warmth and generosity in his inner world.

hyungwon is the only one out of the three that doesn't have a t-square formation with his moon-chiron opposition. he simply has one benefic planet acting as a buffer - jupiter. instead of pouring himself into creating art, or burning energy to fight, hyungwon simply lets everything be. everything will sort itself out eventually, he just needs to do his best in the given moment. in those episodes of monmukgo, he and kihyun were playing games to dispell any rumors that one was better than the other. kihyun, in his typical style, was trying hard and winning the first couple of rounds. however, hyungwon as the one that eventually won overall. he and kihyun actually have their moon and chiron in the same sign - pisces and virgo, respectively - but they have vastly different approaches to their shared problem. hyungwon has a reputation for being "lazy," but he's really just facing the tides of life. if the waves get him, so be it. if they don't, that's fine too. all he needs to do is to keep his mind intact, and move with intention, and everything else will fall into place.

so monbebe who stan any two out of these three members are probably struggling with similar issues, but instead of facing it on their own, they're living vicariously through mx 🤣

[winterarmyy]

An important message to all

Please stop and read for a moment.

Dearest readers,

Just a gentle message from me. I got this ask a today and I just want to remind you that if you don't like or agree with what I write, or you don't like me in general, you can block me. If the contents of my work doesn't sit well with your morals or views in any way, you can block me. And as return, if I find you being rude to me, I can block you as well. As I did exactly that to this nony.

At first, when I read the first lines of the ask, I was totally cool about answering it because you know, I am basically a stranger. You don't know about me at all so it's fair for you to ask of my situation. I mean, I can be a ceo of a company and you still wouldn't know.

I was already crafting the answers in my head, until my religion was brought up, until my family was insulted;  And I really don't appreciate that.

Sure, you can insult my writing or me as a human being, regardless of my religion, and I would take it like an adult. But, insulting my faith? My father, my brother, my future husband that I haven't even met yet? That is disrespectful. And I don't need this type of people in my life.

To be clear, I am not autistic nor I am trying to be misogynistic. Which reminds me, why would anyone make that comparison in the first place anyway? I am fanfiction writer. All works are fictional. The characters and the scenarios within the work are fictional. It does not translate or convey any influence relating to my religion or beliefs at all.

My inspirations has always all come from movies, books, songs, arts that I've enjoyed and some might be a bit too twisted for anyone to digest. And there is nothing "cute or sexy" about writing violence in the first place. That scene was meant to be disturbing, to trigger some sort of fear from my readers. Not to make them think "aww yinn is so cute for writing this". No. And I'm sorry if any of you sees it that way. Perhaps, it was my horrible writing skill that have failed you.

When I started writing, I was scared of posting it anywhere until i read some tumblr posts about how I should be proud of my work and that was the reason I start sharing them to this particular community. It was with the hope that they would appreciate it without judging where I came from or what my background looks like. So please, don't disappoint me. Don't make want to quit writing all together; because it would be the lost of joy in my life.

And, I would love to remind all of you to be kind to one another. The difference in the color of a person's skin, their body shape or weight, gender or sexuality, the God that they prayed to, should not be an excuse for you to be unkind. Respect each other. If you can't, then remove yourself from the situation. As simple as that.

With that said, from this moment on, anyone who approach me with any kind of disrespect will be blocked by me immediately. I may be soft most of the time, but I simply do not tolerate this kind of behaviour.

Thank you staying this far.

Until then, stay gold everybody.

Yours, Yinn 🤍

[malsperanza]

Some things MXTX doesn't spell out in TGCF

MXTX likes to leave certain things to our imagination, and several of them periodically lead readers to wonder what the missing info was. Two are especially intriguing:

What was Hua Cheng's password?

What did Hua Cheng's murals depict?

I think these can be grouped together because they both point to some aspect of Xie Lian that lives rent-free in Hua Cheng's mind: that is, Xie Lian's incredible sexual appeal.

The password: we'll never know, but we do know that it embarrasses Xie Lian hugely, and there's really only one thing that ever embarrasses Xie Lian. This is a guy who has no problem declaring publicly that he's impotent, and a rag-picker, and other things that would humiliate most people. But his own sexual allure freaks him out and triggers an extreme modesty reaction. Especially if it's coming from Hua Cheng.

So we can go to town about the password, and imagine whatever NSFW phrase about Xie Lian is most likely to make him want to hide under a rock ... and also turns him on with delight. (Hint: in SVSSS the phrase "heavenly pillar" turns up a few times.)

The murals: I don't think we need the murals spelled out - it's pretty easy to guess what they depict. Hua Cheng became a talented artist when he was still a kid - he made a drawing of Xie Lian to replace the missing temple idol when he was about 12 or 13. He has only one subject for his art: Xie Lian Xie Lian Xie Lian. And since he doesn't expect that anyone else will ever see his mural, he can indulge his fantasies.

And here's where we have to look at what religious belief means to Hua Cheng. Now, we know that Hua Cheng considers Xie Lian his god - he literally worships him. So any image or effigy of Xie Lian is, for HC, literally a religious image to be venerated. At the same time, HC's particular way of venerating XL is a mixture of religious fervor and sexual desire. (That combo is actually pretty common in religious imagining, from the sexuality in Hindu sacred texts to depictions of Jesus Christ as a nude and very sensuous man, etc.)

When, at the end, HC and XL get together as a couple, this deep belief doesn't leave Hua Cheng. Every time he rails his god, he's praying to him. And the more dominant he is, the more it delights XL, who plays up the drama of helplessness to the max. There is no one in the universe less helpless than Xie Lian, so HC's form of worship is pure pleasure for him - a freedom from all responsibility.

So painting the murals is a kind of devout religious experience for Hua Cheng, one that sustains him during the long period when he can't find Xie Lian and doesn't know if he'll ever find him again. Painting the images is a kind of prayer, like lighting incense. Only, of course, Hua Cheng probably doesn't simply bow to the images he has painted, but does other things too. They are, basically, the most elevated, intense kind of NSFW fan art. (Leave it to MXTX to really understand fandom and its obsessions.)

The murals are undoubtedly celebrations of Xie Lian's beauty, sexual allure, and - possibly - images of sex acts in the manner of some Hindu temple sculptures. They are there for Hua Cheng to pour his devotion into, and also for his relief during the centuries of his lonliness.

One of my favorite things in MXTX novels is her awareness of fandom behavior and the ways readers interact with her characters and stories in the web novel format. It's most obvious in SVSSS, but she inserts all sorts of in-jokes and even parodies directed at her fans in the other books too. Hua Cheng's NSFW art is exactly what fans do. HC isn't just XL's "most faithful believer," but also his biggest superfan.