#i do have faith that like in most art time has a way of sorting wheat from chaff

[tomatoluvr69]

It’s getting to the point where an author having an MFA from Iowa* or similar is like an active point against me reading the book. I don’t want your meandering ennui fest that made your workshop group cum over its vague message dysthymic protagonist and inconclusive ending. I want a bizarre plot written by some incredibly gifted working class freak at the expense of their sanity

*actually one of the most if not the most prestigious in the US not just a state chosen randomly for effect lol

[writingwithcolor]

Author with cultural disconnect: How do I write without making it seem as if I hate my own heritage?

Anonymous asked:

I’m a white-passing Asian author, and I’ve never felt all that connected with my heritage. My current story centers on a fairy (re: fantasy-world POC) child and ends with her realizing that her parents are toxic af and her human best friend’s family takes her in. This is the perfect opportunity to sort through my own issues with my heritage and finally convince my monkey-brain that it’s okay to not know how to cook Vietnamese food or celebrate tet or speak Vietnamese… But I also realize that if I’m not careful, this could easily slip into “Hey, I hate my heritage and so should you!” So how can I stop that from happening?

Writing for yourself first, not an audience

I ask you a simple question: why put pressure on yourself to have any sort of non-offensive messaging for a story that hasn’t been drafted yet and is to convince your monkey brain it’s okay to exist as yourself?

That seems like the fastest way to stop the story from being actually cathartic and instead a performance art piece when you already feel hung up on performing as “properly” part of your culture.

As I said in Working Through Identity Issues and Other Pitfalls of Representation, not all stories you write need to be for public consumption. Especially stories you’re using for your own self-processing and therapy, because you’re trying to get a cathartic moment that is rewriting your own story.

At what point does the public need to be involved in that?

I do understand the compulsion to want to post—I have definitely posted some Questionable™ material in my drive to get validation for feeling the way I do, wanting people to witness me and say “same.” It’s a powerful urge. Sometimes it’s worked, but most of the time it’s just made me feel horrifically exposed.

But you really do not have to post in public to get any sort of validation. Set up a groupchat with friends if you want the cheerleading and witnessing—people who will know your story and give you good-faith interpretations and won’t accuse you of anything. Honestly I’d suggest setting up this groupchat anyway; as someone who just got one again after quite a few years without it, my productivity has skyrocketed from being around supportive people.

Let the monkey brain have its monkey brain moment and shut off the concept the story is for the public. Shut off the concept of performing for an unknown audience. It’s for you. Be authentic, no matter how bad it would look to outsiders. They’re not reading it. Part of getting catharsis, sometimes, is being the worst version of yourself, somewhere nobody else can see it.

Deciding to publish the work

If, after you do write it, you find that you actually do want to polish it up and put it somewhere… edit it. Rewrite it entirely if that’s what it takes. Take the story through the same drafting process every story needs to go through, ripping out the unfortunate implications as you go.

Editing can be its own form of healing, as you try to figure out what this character would need to not be hateful. As you realize, once this longform journal entry is out of your head, what was bothering you now that you can see it pinned down on a page. But you absolutely do not need to write with the intention of editing in that healing. When I’ve tried, it’s fallen flat.

The healing will come from being yourself, no public involved, and writing about your feelings in their rawest form. Anything else is extra.

There’s no point in trying to put guard rails on the drafting process, not for a deeply personal piece. And by the time that drafting process is done, you’ll likely have specific scenarios and contexts that you can ask about, and you might even have ideas on how to fix it yourself once the story has a shape to it.

This is 100% a situation where there’s no real sense in idea workshopping something in the plotting stage. You’re doing something for you. Decide if it’s for public consumption later (while acknowledging “no” is a perfectly valid answer), and only figure out how to make the story not overtly harmful if you decide to put it out into the public.

~ Leigh

[micamicster]

HII MICA i just wanted to ask your thoughts in the new season now that youve finished it, especially your favorite moments, episodes, and songs!!

Ok here are my long awaited (sorry babe!) season 2 thoughts! This really got away from me haha but long story short: I loved it ❤️

Long story medium: Nida Manzoor has done it again—beautiful, vibrant, funny, and poignant. A season 2 that succeeds in expanding the world and deepening our understanding of the characters. And the songs are great!

Long story LONG: under the cut <3 (and also I’ve reread this and i have managed to avoid any major spoilers so if you haven’t watched yet this post should be safe!)

I went into this season VERY apprehensive. I think the first season is a practically perfect season of television, and over the last few years I’ve had plenty of time to think of all the ways a second season could fail to deliver. But as the credits rolled on season 2 episode 1 my sister and I just sat there grinning at the screen like you guys we are SO back!!!!

Some thoughts, in no particular order:

The writing: Nida Manzoor has a knack for putting her finger right on the sore spot—right on the place where the show is most likely to receive criticism, and digging in. Not in a gotcha, bad faith sort of way, but by pulling those issues apart and showing how painful and complicated and nuanced these questions of representation and responsibility really are. Not to give too many spoilers but whew. Her episode fives! Other people can speak to this better than me but this seasons episode 5 was raw, painful, pointed… simultaneously a criticism of art and representation as political commentary, and like the only possible political commentary that could be made under these conditions. Fictional battles with censorship, identity, representation, and responsibility meet the very real world, where Nida Manzoor is producing a real show. To quote manzoor herself, “i don’t want to give the answer to the audience because i don’t have it—I don’t want to ever feel like I’m preaching or delivering a sermon about anything; instead, just posing the question.” It’s such a good show guys.

Character Arcs: The arcs given to the band members who were secondary characters in season one were executed beautifully. Getting more insight into Taz, Ayesha, and Bisma (and giving more to do to their incredible actresses!) was exactly what I’d hoped for from a season 2.

God I Wish The Show Was Longer part A: While I loved (and badly wanted!) more time with the other girls, I did miss the tight focus on saira and Amina as narrative foils and drivers of each others character development that season one had. Not just from a shipping perspective! (although we all know I’m guilty of shipping for sure lol). But I did miss their relationship, and a longer season would have given us more time to spare from the other important arcs going on to return to things I loved about season one.

Compared to season 1: One difference I noticed was how the surrealist elements aren’t only contained to Amina/her narration anymore, but that other characters have them or interact with them (Bisma pausing her arguments, Ahsan trying and failing to interrupt the spotlight on Amina and Billy). I thought it was a great way to show how much closer the characters have become (that Ahsan would even notice Amina’s little fantasy!) and also as a way to give narration over to different characters (Bisma being the clear pov in those fights as compared to Amina narrating things she’s only heard about in season 1). Another difference is how each episode of season 1 is so well-contained and precise, while I feel the show sprawls more in season 2 as a result of expanding the world and becoming more of a true ensemble show. This isn’t a criticism—shows need to expand in order to continue to grow! Just an observation, which leads us to:

God I Wish The Show Was Longer part 2: Around episode 4 and 5 I wondered if they were going to be able to tie everything up, given how many complex issues and conflicts had been raised. I had no reason to doubt—Nida Manzoor brought these conflicts and arcs to deeply satisfying conclusions, without feeling like these issues lost nuance or were reduced in complexity for the sake of a finale. It’s incredible what all she managed to achieve in 6 episodes! That said, I would have loved to have been able to see more of the characters journeys, and one or two more episodes would have given things more room to breathe. I would have loved to see more of Taz’s work with other artists, or Saira becoming more comfortable with the idea of herself as a mentor. Bisma’s arc in particular I thought could have used more time, although Faith Omole’s stunning performance of Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood does beautiful emotional work for her arc (and tbh for everyone else’s arcs—it’s a centerpiece of the episode and a great example of what a song can do for character, emotion, and arc in a musical narrative). Which brings us to!

The performances/songs: Putting these two together to say that every actress delivered an incredible award-worthy performance, juggling comedy and dramatic acting skillfully. And the songs! Villain Era is on fucking repeat in this house. Already said Misunderstood is amazing but it should be said again. Nina is pretty much the toughest act in the world to follow but Faith fucking does it. Stunning ❤️ Speaking of Faith her doing the voices in Oops I Did It Again was the happiest I’ve been all year oh my god this show is so much funnnnnnn everyone watch it it’s so! fun!

[aeternallis]

High-Context Culture at Play and Kim's Mode of Communicating // a rant

So, something I notice once in awhile when I go through the tags on Ao3 for KPTS fics are commentary on the lack of communication in the show—specifically, how Kim doesn't communicate. Tags such as, "Kim communicates, it's a miracle", "OOC because they actually communicate", "Kim uses his words", "Healthy Communication, so it's OOC", etc etc.

This isn't meant to call anyone out and mind you, this isn't something I've only seen in the KPTS fandom; tags like these are also used in a lot of danmei fics I see, as well as the sheer variety of anime/manga fics I've read in my time.

And ngl, when I see those tags...my gut reaction is often to feel that they sound very much tongue-in-cheek and somewhat mocking. Not just to the character himself, but to the narrative itself. It's a bit uncomfortable at times, reading those kinds of tags, even if I know to myself that there's likely no malicious intent behind it.

For what it's worth, I won't apply bad faith arguments on works of art and creativity, and I'm certainly not looking to police fic on Ao3, yknow?

Having said that though and just because I have yet to see a post talking about this topic explicitly, I also feel that it's important to some degree to understand how people communicate in Thailand, and Asia in general.

Mind you, I’m no expert in Thai culture, lemme repeat that yet again. They have unspoken social rules that I myself wouldn't understand because I'm not Thai, nor do I speak Thai. Asia at large, though sharing a unique set of many similar values, is not a homologous region; each country has a rich tapestry of history and culture and very much different from one another.

Yet, as someone who grew up in an Asian household who shares many of said values, I often feel like—when it comes to East Asian/Southeast Asian fictional characters at large—there has always been an unconscious, almost knee-jerk habit I often see in fanfiction to reshape their style of communication to a more western context, if that makes sense. As someone who used to translate doujinshi and Pixiv 小説 for fun, it was always noticeable and a bit jarring, once I moved over to read my fanfic of choice, yknow.

This isn't inherently or purposefully malicious in any way, but it can feel very dismissive, even if it's unconsciously done.

Thailand and most if not all of SE Asia operate in a high-context culture. High-context culture means that when we communicate, it’s not always so much the words themselves that matter, but the context surrounding those words: body language, tone, eye contact, a person’s social status, etc etc. The words sometimes only convey part of the intent, but it doesn’t convey everything. In some situations, the words themselves can even mean the exact opposite of what they’re trying to convey.

It's why so many misunderstandings happen between international fans on platforms like X, because the nuance is often lost in Google Translate.

On the other end of that, we can use Tumblr as the example: since this is mostly an English-speaking website, for the most part, this hellsite operates on a low-context culture, but is easily ignited with outrage based on seemingly high-context traits. LOLOL

This type of communication is not always easily translated into the subtitles, nor is it remotely perfect in any way. It can be quite complex, and hell, even in the context of its own culture, misunderstandings can and do happen all the time. And, as we've seen from the recent popularity boom of East Asian media from the past two or three decades to the American and western audience at large, some of the most compelling drama can come from these sorts of human error.

Besides that, if I’m being perfectly honest, almost always (one of) the source(s) of fandom drama when it comes to character interpretation is due to the nuances of the high-context culture the story takes place in that can have the loudest enthusiasts arguing back and forth.

This is particularly true for characters like Kim Theerapanyakul, who are meant to be portrayed as mysterious and unreadable.

(Lan Wangji and Hyakuya Mika are also a few that comes to mind in my personal experience, uh huh)

To be quite frank, it's why I personally avoid getting into any nitty gritty discussion when it comes to characters like Kim and LWJ, because they mean so much to many different people, as well as simply for the fact that I do not know everyone's emotional tolerance when it comes to disagreements. Lol What I'm saying right now can be taken to be hard-hitting fandom policing, when I'm really trying hard not for it to sound like that, nor is it even my intent. I'm not telling anyone that they're wrong or that they've misinterpreted the characters, but what I am saying, is that people in fandoms, especially for the English-Only Speakers at large, need to be more consciously aware of their cultural biases.

And before I go on, mind you, it’s perfectly okay to have cultural biases—we all have them, myself included, that's just a fact of life. No one is exempt from this, if anyone is itching to point fingers.

I don't think it's an unreasonable thing to say that if one is engaging in media that's not from their cultural context, it's good to be more aware of the surrounding cultural norms and values of that said piece of media when you apply your own interpretation to it, and especially when you may not be the intended audience.

It’s why “your headcanons are not my headcanons” is, I will always believe, a very good rule to adhere to, especially when peeps disagree with popular headcanons, so fandoms can be more respectful and tolerant of each otherrrrrrr when disagreements inevitably crop upppppp, but anywayyyyyy~

I’ve met enough expats who’ve lived abroad in my current line of work to say that trying to understand the unspoken social rules, norms, values, etc. of the foreign country they choose to live in is most often one of their biggest sources of frustration. Alas.

And, as a side-note: high-context cultures are in no way superior to low-context cultures. Both modes of communication have their pros and cons, and molds society in various different ways.

But I digress! An example of the high-context culture at play is the break-up scene in front of Kim's apartment, which I've seen a number of fic authors portray as a genuine apology from Kim:

Which—in terms of what was spoken, Kim did say he was sorry.

But let’s think about the context of the apology: he said the words as he was walking away, before pulling his arm from Chay’s grasp. He looks back at Chay coldly, and overall, his behavior is dismissive; from his body language alone, he portrays a picture of aloofness and treats Chay as an annoyance.

What he says is an apology, yes—but it's an apology with no sincerity whatsoever. It's why Chay broke down as hard as he did, because it's not just Kim's lies that had him reeling, it was the fact that in the context of how Kim dismissed Chay during that scene, it also heavily implies that nothing between them had ever been sincere. Kim completely reverses the understanding that Chay had of their friend/relation-ship and cuts it off completely.

And although what I'm saying may come across as "Duh, that's freakin' obvious," I also want to add another point: Kim would know the implications of what this non-apology is. He would understand the context in which he'd said those words. Whether he chose to regret them or not later on is up for debate, but it's interesting to see whenever fic authors use this scene as an excuse that Kim genuinely thought he apologized, just because he said the words out loud.

Do you see what I mean? In that scene, the canon's context is what matters, but I've seen enough fic where that scene is turned on its head and fic!Kim thinks and excuses himself, portraying the scene to somehow mean that it's the words that matter. The nuance is thus lost, so in turn, the emotional weight of that scene is also disregarded.

This is what I mean when I say that there is an unconscious habit some fic authors have in changing the communication style that the show is set in.

Because the reality is, Kim didn't apologize. He knew he didn't, and Chay most certainly knew he didn't. What he was communicating in that scene was entirely different from what an actual apology entails.

Be that as it may, the audience knows that the non-apology doesn't negate what he and Chay went through together in the show. He may have been lying to Chay for the majority of the story in regards to his involvement in the mafia, but it doesn't mean that the love and adoration he feels for Chay through his actions didn't come through. Kim may not have said much to Chay besides singing for him a (stolen) refurbished version of his own song, but it doesn’t mean that his intent wasn’t conveyed. It's why Chay cried the way he did, in that in some way or another, the song Kim sang is a reminder of everything that happened between them did have truth to it.

Just because they communicate in the way one may not be used to or unfamiliar with (especially in the low-context culture that countries like the US, Canada, Australia, etc. operate in), doesn't mean that they're not communicating to one another.

Healthy communication doesn’t always have to just mean “straightforward meaning in the words.”

When tags like the ones I mentioned earlier in this rant inevitably crop up, especially when it comes to characters who are non-American/British, one can't help but feel that their canon mode of communication is being mocked and made to be seen as inferior.

In which case, TL;DR, when one writes tags like these about certain characters, I sincerely hope that their cultural biases are in the forefront of their mind, and they're aware and humble enough to admit that there are some things that they may not understand in terms of the cultural context. And due to the fact that they do not understand it, hopefully not mock it in response.

[baileyblethen]

COMPENDIUM OF A MADMAN

Preface:

Desmos, the Greek name for shackled, is how I have often felt. It is only in writing this tale that I can feel the bonds loosen unto snapping. For, my life has been near to Phaethon’s journey. Emerging from a semi-hedonistic youth entwined with vague Catholic guilt, to eventually arriving on the platform of doubt, a stop before my way to truth. For, as with Iris, the beauty of the rainbow leaves me in wonder, and I can confidently affirm that wonder has given me closure. This tale is the truth, just from one side, mine. I do not attempt to hide any bias, for another’s story is not mine to tell. As with my real life, the story is turbulent, for in the beginning you find a youth disturbed, grasping for what he believes dearest. Pains and joys are found, but from both he does that which Ovid had his cast do, change. To metamorphose as a man is not a quick or easy affair. The trials and tribulations of life often seem to stymie the change, or even more often, sink you back further into your original state. Being twenty-eight at the time of writing this preface may mean that I undergo many more changes in my life, as long as it goes; but while it does I shall strive to align all towards what I truly seek. That is what this tale attempts to tell, a story of grasping beyond the passion driven and intemperate self, to find something sustaining, which not only sustains, but breathes life in return. Yet, ambiguous language is dangerous, so frankly the tale shows Bailey begin to ascertain the truth of life, and realize that there is a worthy life within this sphere. Contrary to Jacques Maritain, I may not have a habitus, and this may detract from the tale and attempt at art, as for especially with the beginning, it tells the story of a life lacking virtue. Yet, as Jacques Maritain, I seek to make perfect that which I create in its own image. And to do so I must be honest. Honesty for me includes creating how I recall my own life into my work, which will riddle or enhance the journey with allusion. However, I seek not to simply give an autobiography, or a dull recounting of my life. For if I were to simply retell it, I, myself would lose attention fast and label myself as an outcast sinner. I do not have the imagination to produce fantasy, but what I lay on these pages satisfies me, for it is as it was, and exacting replications can be left to the naturalists and biographers. It is also vital to emphasize that what is written is not any attempt at a progressive history, or guide in any sort of ethics. No, I believe I would be one of the poorest guides, and what I have poured out in these pages is a plea. A plea to think on the good life, as well as the bad. There is no answer given, only prompts which one may form on his own. I was born into a faith but had never embraced it, and even rebelled in some manner, until I started to become faithful, which to this day I find myself still becoming. This is evident in the writing itself, for answers were waning when I began this novella, yet I still sought to find the best of life. And now at the end of the book, I like to think of myself as a very bad Christian, but I still try. And I do sincerely hope that one day I may in good conscience write a redeeming sequel to this novella, if I am ever held fast by virtue. So Christians, atheists, agnostics, and all, you have every right to find fault with my tale, but I will hold fast to it, for what has been done can not be undone. The uplifting part I find is that what unfolds beyond this page is the chance to reflect, and perhaps there will be others who enjoy, as I do, evaluating actions and beliefs, so as to adopt, or even perfect ones learned. Looking back helps me move forward, and only then am I happy in the present, and perhaps the eternal.

I am now thirty and looking to promote my book. This piece has been for me the most honest introspection I have ever done, which prompts me to wish to share this, and hopefully has some merit to the insights found within.

It is currently free for kindle and the paperback is for sale here: https://www.amazon.com/Compendium-Madman-Bailey-Blethen/dp/B0BT6V58SM/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=54JQN47XBH4Y&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.EixqhUr1p5LCgz7S4bIxPJbiIxd5ox6pLxjG0384pXM.x6U6I6JzYvFo-vkP-C81K3Ae9sriPc52GanSAIhorF4&dib_tag=se&keywords=compendium+of+a+madman&qid=1717697114&sprefix=%2Caps%2C116&sr=8-1

[roboj0e]

"girl please" is a neutral phrase lmao but my bad ig. anyway, to 99% of the population a fetish and a kink mean more or less the same thing. if there's a difference could you explain it? thx... btw you're not a feminist if you think it's ok to draw or get off to sexual art of children, even if they're fictional/cartoon... you do realize a lot of shota and loli content is traced from photos of kids, right? my abuser made cartoon csem traced from my photos. :/

My dad used to force me to watch csem and distributed csem of me also exists. I actually get sent it sometimes on facebook who I know are just my dad using sock puppet accounts. Did I win the CSA Olympics? Am I now enough of an authority of this trauma to make unsubstantiated claims? I could trauma dump unsolicited on you too but I have compassion so I won't and also I'm not about to plead for my humanity from someone who won't listen and engage in good faith anyways.

I'm sorry that happened to you but it would have happened regardless of the existence of lolisho. Abusers are gonna abuse no matter what. This was the first thing I learned in therapy. What's funny is it was lolisho that help me realize my abuse. Yes I understood sexual abuse conceptually but I couldn't recognize it happening to ME until I saw my situation reflected back at me in a safe sane scenario. My therapist said it was bc I was repressing it in denial and only allowing myself to fantasize about it in a safe environment was I able to recognize it as abuse. Funny how life works like that huh.

Oh to explain I completely forgot bc I had to write this twice bc Tumblr crashed. A fetish is a sexual reliance on something to achieve sexual arousal or gratification and can be sexual.outside of sexual contexts. A kink amplifies sexual gratification, usually has to do with roleplay or sexual acts/positions/height/weight and has to be negotiated and communicated and consentual. Ppl do use them interchangeably BUT specifically with the word fetishize ur using it wrong in this case. To fetishize something there must be both dehumanization and objectification. U can not dehumanize or objectify fictional characters they are not human and are already objects.

No I don't support sexual art of children. This sort of phrasing is just a deliberate misrepresention so u can position urself as morally righteous and disengage from the conversation early and not have to examine what anyone is actually saying. They are fictional characters. They can be any age, any race and body type and have any name at any time. They are objects. They don't exist and can not accumulate trauma the way you or i can. They do not need protection.

If u don't like it that's fine. Especially considering your trauma. But ur claim is unsupported and wildly inaccurate. Do not projects ur trauma onto others especially as it pertains to facts about criminal psychology and sex crimes. This is unhealthy and will lead to paranoia that same paranoia that brought u to ur conclusion here. This is not pervasive enough in lolisho to be considered a trend or even the default. But you also could be sharing real abusive images/scenarios no matter what form of media u engage with. But that doesn't not mean we should sanitize art and media on the off chance someone could be evil. Your not exempt from the same personal responsibility ur trying to place on me just bc u don't engage in fictional pornographic material and it's not especially heinous when it's fictional art versus and any other medium. We could all be unknowingly sharing and engageing with abusive material but all we can do is protect and believe victims and figure out as a society how to reduce harm.

No banning lolisho or any media is not a solution. Studies show most csem is produced/distributed by parent/guardians. The best way to protect children is to advocate for children rights and the reduction of parental rights. Experts have been saying this for years. Children being treated like property both by law and society is what is perpetuating their abuse. Not fictional art.

Censorship is not the solution. Any historical application of censorship has always ALWAYS lead to the mistreatment and silencing of victims and marginalized communities. This will make it difficult for victims to appeal to censors and share their stories which are valuable for understanding abuse but also valuable bc it is art. And incentivizing ppl to invade other peoples privacy to be sure they have the right identity/trauma to create a specific type of art is fascism. So is censoring or banning that art. This will do nothing but silence and shame victims. This is happening still right now and has happened plenty in the past. Guilt and shame ONLY perpetuates sexual abuse.

This is also forcing ppl to engage in art and fiction with a paranoid analysis FIRST. telling ppl they can tell whose a good or bad person based on what they draw/write or engage with is not healthy and is antithetical to educating ppl on how to recognize abuse. It's irresponsible and It's giving children and teens anxiety disorders. Look at any ex anti/proship anonymous confessions. Look at the damage ppl are causing with this third grade level of word association and cause and effect. Ppl are developing POCD. Me included ALMOST.

Experts have been saying for decades now that fictional sexual material has no link to escalation into sexual violence or engaging in paraphilias. No fiction doesnt effect reality. these same psychologists that have debunked claims such as "violent video games cause violence" have also researched how it operates the same with fictional sexual material. There's no special circumstance just bc it's sex or porn.

Just bc u navigate the world on disgust and paranoia doesn't mean I have to. I listen to the science and research. While also having my own experience to draw from.

As a CSA victim with a SEX THERAPIST do u really think I would not have done my due diligence before engaging in any community?? I've done a hell of a lot of work to get where I am now. Sexually liberated and healthy. Both personal growth and LOTS of research into sex crimes. And I really don't feel like hearing regressive religiously programmed sex negative thoughts on the fiction I enjoy.

I am a feminist tho. I'm just not regressive and reactionary. 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

[onetoomanyyy]

can you do a deep Namida analysis? you can include personal hcs i need her i need h < wants namida lore so bad orz

Namida. Naminami. Master Namida. Mida-Chan. The Girl From Planet Namik.

I’m much more of a headcanons guy than an analysis guy, so this will probably be more “headcanons slightly based on analysis” than the other way around, sorry 😵‍💫 (however, a little while ago fishhjuice did a compiling of all the canon namida facts)

Namida likes to present herself as the most orderly and put-together member of Squid Squad, but in actuality she’s probably the strangest one. She can be quiet around strangers, but once you get her talking you’ll never get her to stop. She knows all sorts of seemingly useless facts that somehow always manage to come in handy. She has insane spice tolerance and usually finds herself adding copious amounts of hot sauce to foods she thinks are too mellow. She likes photography and art, sometimes doodling her friends in her free time. Her lack of a complete eyemask is a mutation that she used to touch up with makeup, but later abandoned it after it started to become integral to her image. She’s willing to sing but is a bit embarrassed to, as she isn’t sure her singing voice is all that good.

Namida grew up fairly wealthy and her parents fostered her love for music at a young age, sending her to a music school where she learned piano and picked up some jazz theory. Later, she began to grow bored with the prim and proper lifestyle, and was the first member to join Squid Squad after becoming fast friends with Ichiya.

Namida is the emotional core of Squid Squad. Shes the best at talking to people and has a way with words that make it impossible to stay mad at her (even if she just did something that definitely warrants it). She’s also the most affectionate member and is responsible for the most group hugs.

Out of all her bandmates, Namida is closest with Ichiya. She was the first person he met after moving to Inkopolis, and he was pretty much the first really close friend she ever had. However, this closeness meant that during the final weeks of Sqdsqd’s lifespan, she tended to brush off how much of an ass Ichiya was being out of fear of damaging the band further. This did not turn out to be the right decision and she went on to feel a little guilty about it, wishing she could have done more. She puts up with a lot of his shit, but is willing to give him another chance come Front Roe. She’s a little worried about it all, but she has hope that it will work out. (go read my fic for more on that 😋😋😋) (shameless plug)

Namida and Murasaki are partners in crime, two chaotic-good bundles of energy. They’re pretty much the only duo who never had any ill will towards one another. The majority of Namida’s nicknames were coined by Murasaki. They lost contact with each other after the breakup but happily reunited later down the line. In Front Roe, Nami wishes that Murasaki wouldn’t be so dismissive of Ichiya nowadays, because that definitely isn’t going to fix anything. Wow, finally a pair that isn’t that complicated!

Namida always respected Ikkan for his musical prowess and considered him the funniest (even though he cracked jokes the least often). They would end up sharing the quietest moments together, making easy small talk and sometimes exchanging personal musings they wouldn’t share with the others. However, even Namida had concerns that some of his criticisms of the band were a bit too harsh, but they were all in good faith, right? So it wasn’t a big deal, right? She misses having someone to talk to where she didn’t feel a need to be the bigger person.

that’s all I’ve got for Namida! I really don’t draw her enough for how fun she is to draw. Thanks for the ask!!

[mikelogan]

ttpd thoughts

for the record, i'm not trying to be like. purposely hateful or anything, i'm just so deeply disappointed with her. this last year has been a mess and she's repeatedly acted in ways that, at the very least, rub me in the wrong way and at their worst have disgusted me and made me lose so much respect for/faith in her. miss americana has become a piece of performance art rather than any sort of meaningful activism.

she made a very public display of dating/hooking up with a bigot and basically said "fuck you, i do what i want" in response to valid criticism and then tried to smooth it over by working with one of the women he'd called slurs. almost every time she spoke this year, whether in an interview or through tree, she reinforced my worry that she views herself as untouchable and that any sort of negativity or criticism directed toward her should be discounted because she's an "underdog" and a woman, despite the fact that there are very real issues with her words and actions. and don't get me started on everything with football guy and his trump-loving ass.

she is absolutely allowed to do, say, date, fuck, etc. anyone and anything she wants. she can write songs about all of it. she can do damage control and pr and control the narrative however she chooses. she can run smear campaigns and drag names through the mud while maintaining she's the perpetual victim when she's arguably the one with the most power in any given situation. i can appreciate that fame presents a set of challenges that i will never experience or fully comprehend.

but i'm also allowed to have my opinions on it, especially when so much of it is so heavily publicized. there is so much we will never know and there is also so much we do know that we never should have. pretty much since eras was announced, she's become so deeply oversaturated and it went from being cool to see so much hype and getting a new album and new re-recordings to feeling like everything is about money and breaking records. it's become a machine, a content factory, and so many decisions feel rushed, incomplete, and incongruent. it doesn't feel like there's been real thought about the material itself and instead it's become about aesthetics and sensationalism.

i think that's why i'm so frustrated right now and it's highly likely that these albums will grow on me or at least some of the songs. i've been listening to the 12 songs i liked on repeat since i finished my initial run through each album and i already like them even more. but i wish that it could truly just be about the music for me. that's what's always been most meaningful to me about taylor is her lyricism and the stories she tells through her songs. but knowing everything i know and having seen everything i've seen over the past year, it's tainted my perception of the albums and the songs on them.

i think that taylor has a lot of growing to do as a person. i've heard people say that sometimes celebrities are frozen at the age they became famous and i think that really shows in taylor's case. the irony of a song being titled "so high school" was certainly not lost on me. a lot of her phrasing feels very juvenile, just as her treatment of joe and everything surrounding the end of their relationship has been. i never really had feelings about him one way or another, and as i mentioned above, there's a lot we'll never know about what happened between them. but she's been pushing her victim narrative so hard and the only thing i've seen from joe is his support of palestine. actions speak a lot louder than words. it changed so drastically from the initial news of their breakup being amicable to turning him into yet another villain. i have no doubt in my mind that taylor has been treated very poorly by a lot of the men in her life, and joe is likely not an exception. but i'm to the point where i have to take everything she says with a heaping tablespoon of salt.

at the end of the day, taylor's music is her own and i understand why she's said that she wants her work to be about the music and not about the men. i can see how it would feel invalidating to have her songs picked apart and attributed to the men they're written about. and i'm not even trying to do that here. but i can't recall a time when she's been so public about her relationships? in the past, it's felt a lot more like speculation, but jesus, between ratty and tk this past year, we've just been inundated with so much that unless i was an extremely casual fan that managed to escape her face on every news show, billboard, and social media website, i can't fathom not knowing what she's singing about on these albums. she can't have it both ways.

i still have all the music that came before ttpd, and like i said, with subsequent listens, ttpd will probably grow on me a bit, but idk man, i'm over it. and i think it's important to be willing and able to criticize or at the very least analyze your favorite media, whether it's music or tv or film or literature or whatever else. your favorite thing probably sucks in one way or another and pretending it doesn't doesn't make you a better person than someone who acknowledges it. these are complex, extremely nuanced things i take issue with and when it comes down to it, i will never know taylor personally and be able to talk to her about these things and get her point of view and her thoughts. that leaves me to say my piece, which is what this post is.

as a recovering swiftie, i'm just so very tired.

[winterarmyy]

An important message to all

Please stop and read for a moment.

Dearest readers,

Just a gentle message from me. I got this ask a today and I just want to remind you that if you don't like or agree with what I write, or you don't like me in general, you can block me. If the contents of my work doesn't sit well with your morals or views in any way, you can block me. And as return, if I find you being rude to me, I can block you as well. As I did exactly that to this nony.

At first, when I read the first lines of the ask, I was totally cool about answering it because you know, I am basically a stranger. You don't know about me at all so it's fair for you to ask of my situation. I mean, I can be a ceo of a company and you still wouldn't know.

I was already crafting the answers in my head, until my religion was brought up, until my family was insulted;  And I really don't appreciate that.

Sure, you can insult my writing or me as a human being, regardless of my religion, and I would take it like an adult. But, insulting my faith? My father, my brother, my future husband that I haven't even met yet? That is disrespectful. And I don't need this type of people in my life.

To be clear, I am not autistic nor I am trying to be misogynistic. Which reminds me, why would anyone make that comparison in the first place anyway? I am fanfiction writer. All works are fictional. The characters and the scenarios within the work are fictional. It does not translate or convey any influence relating to my religion or beliefs at all.

My inspirations has always all come from movies, books, songs, arts that I've enjoyed and some might be a bit too twisted for anyone to digest. And there is nothing "cute or sexy" about writing violence in the first place. That scene was meant to be disturbing, to trigger some sort of fear from my readers. Not to make them think "aww yinn is so cute for writing this". No. And I'm sorry if any of you sees it that way. Perhaps, it was my horrible writing skill that have failed you.

When I started writing, I was scared of posting it anywhere until i read some tumblr posts about how I should be proud of my work and that was the reason I start sharing them to this particular community. It was with the hope that they would appreciate it without judging where I came from or what my background looks like. So please, don't disappoint me. Don't make want to quit writing all together; because it would be the lost of joy in my life.

And, I would love to remind all of you to be kind to one another. The difference in the color of a person's skin, their body shape or weight, gender or sexuality, the God that they prayed to, should not be an excuse for you to be unkind. Respect each other. If you can't, then remove yourself from the situation. As simple as that.

With that said, from this moment on, anyone who approach me with any kind of disrespect will be blocked by me immediately. I may be soft most of the time, but I simply do not tolerate this kind of behaviour.

Thank you staying this far.

Until then, stay gold everybody.

Yours, Yinn 🤍

[dulcewrites]

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back (modern au)

Pairing: Aegon II Targaryen x reader (wc: 3.6k)

Summary: Sometimes Aegon is sure that the Gods like playing tricks on him. Your reintroduction into his life only proves that further

A/N: the time has come for my Aegon work!! I’m so excited because this also my first time doing an modern au. I explained the idea more here. This will include all the hotd hits: mommy issues, daddy issues, the Targs being an all around messy family. This is my contribution to the tgc Aegon universe 🫡. Slight house keeping: Aemond has both of his eyes in this universe but the sight in one eye is diminishing/has been diminished over the years. Also there are certain elements I will be taking from hotd/asoiaf and the Faith of the Seven is one.

Blog masterlist

You had always assumed that therapist offices would be sterile and cold. Or at the very least, annoyingly put together.

Cregan Stark’s office is nothing of the sort.

From deep red floors to the walls of antic books and shelves filled of knickknacks. The office is not what you expected to it be. It only makes you more anxious for this whole ordeal. The only indication of his credentials as a professional being the certificate from the University of Cambridge hanging on the wall. Even the laidback nature of him made you pause. Call me Cregan. Mr. Stark was my father.

Long brown hair pulled back, dark beard, stormy grey eyes, topped off with a flowy button-down shirt. He looks better suited chopping down wood somewhere than helping university students. Everyone seemed weary of the new addition to the dance department.

Your eyes flutter to the clock behind him then back to his warm eyes.

“I am sure you are wondering why I wanted to speak with you,” his voice is soft. There is an element of mirth that has you raising a brow.

You shrug in response. “Taking inventory of the inmates, I assume.”

The joke does seem not seem to land the way you thought it would. He gives you a incredulous look before shaking his head. Your mother always told you that your inability to keep to certain thoughts in your head would get you in trouble sooner or later.

“My new position here is to help the dancers, especially ones transitioning out of school, handle this year,” he begins. “A sounding board if you will. Listen to any problems. Assist with finding resources and opportunities beyond this point.”

You nod slowly, still not understanding why this meeting is cutting into your warmup time. Instinctively, you point then flex your foot in your fuzzy black boot. Your eyes go back to the clock. Gods, Aemond is going to tear into you if this does not wrap up soon.

“Most of the notes were positive,” he replies quickly, reading the furrow in your brow. “Bright, hard-working, and diligent were just a few things said.”

“Most of the notes were positive,” he replies quickly, reading the furrow in your brow. “Bright, hard-working, and diligent were just a few things said.”

“Most of the notes were positive,” he replies quickly, reading the furrow in your brow. “Bright, hard-working, and diligent were just a few things said.”

“Most of the notes were positive,” he replies quickly, reading the furrow in your brow. “Bright, hard-working, and diligent were just a few things said.”

You let a breath you were holding in. Of course, that was what was said. You have dedicated your life to this; you expect nothing less than comments like that. They are sentiments you should not think but you know you are one of the most talented dancers in the program.

But then your mind drifts to something.

“Most?”

He gives you a pained smile. “There were a couple of comments that expressed concern about your… intensity and your health.”

You blink blankly at him.

“I don’t think I am any more intense than any other student here. We are all very serious about our art.”

Cregan nods. “I was informed about an incident that happened in your second term here. Something quite awful.”

Your blood runs cold, and you sniff stiffly in response. Please don’t you think.

“I am sorry for your loss.”

You try to keep your eye from twitching. There was a time in your life where all you wanted was someone to tell you that. To let you know that they feel bad for the situation you found yourself wallowing in… for the situation Marina found herself in.

That time is over.

“It has been over a year and a half,” you plaster on a smile. “Thank you for that, but I am doing fine.”

It was not lie. It really wasn’t.

Cregan hums softly. “Why don’t you and I make a deal. We meet each other once a week for the rest of the term. We can talk about how you are doing, and work towards you graduating.”

You feel your patience wearing horribly thin. It is not that you have a problem with therapy or counseling. You just don’t need it nor want it.

“Look, I appreciate the concern. I just don’t have time for weekly meetings. I have auditions for companies, finishing my classes strong. Also, an end of the year project… which is not going well so far.”

Your eyes go back to clock above him. You are so fucked.

“I do not have the time,” you repeat, not even clarifying if you mean for the meetings or this conversation. “I have too much on my plate.”

Cregan smiles, easy and cool. It softens the sternness that has settled into his long face.

“That is exactly why we need to do it.”

A sinking feeling gathers in your stomach. He is not going to take no for an answer, is he?

As you leave the room, new schedule in hand, all you can think about is how much you despise Cregan Stark. Your ire extends to whatever instructor told him you needed help in the first place. The walk to the practice studios is cold and damp. Somber weather matching the way you feel.

You must take a deep breath before going into the practice room. Aemond, perched at the piano, shoots you a glare. Ignoring his eyes burning into your back, you sit on the floor to put on your pointe shoes.

“I know you have little care for my time,” his voice cut through the room. Low and condescending. “But if you want to get through this, the least you can do is show up on time.”

You do not answer immediately, eyes focused on your shoes.

“It is just common sense.”

Aemond continues to lecture you about the importance of respecting people’s time. Perhaps if you told him about your meeting, he would let it go. But then again based off the few weeks you have spent with him, you know once he gets started, it is hard to stop him. His voice fades in the background as you stare at yourself in the mirror.

In your head, you repeat the affirmations you recite every morning.

You are talented, you are grounded, you are alive.

Aegon could not help but stare at the rain as it fell and splintered on the large class windows of the meeting room.

When he was younger, he hated the rain. The endless rolling clouds and damp days made him feel like he was in a bad nightmare. But the older he got, the more he started to appreciate the rain. Utterly soothed by the tip tap of rain against something solid. He could make a melody out of it. Plus, it helped him sleep.

He rarely got good nights of sleep.

The somber weather only added to the uninspiring atmosphere in the room. Aegon tried hard to listen. He fought hard to keep his eyes from glazing over. Placing fonder thoughts in his head kept him from outwardly expressing his boredom. Today, he thought of what he should get to dinner. Something hearty… or maybe something spicy. The thoughts lead to him texting his brother.

I can drive up. Want that Thai place around the corner from yr place

It took Aemond minutes to reply, but when he did it was a simple no. His brother was always a man of few words.

I’ll pay :)

He watched as the dots appear then disappear then reappear again. Aegon smiles at his phone when Aemond eventually says yes. He gives Aegon strict instructions to stay in the car and wait on him to come out.

“Aegon, are you listening?”

Aegon’s eyes shoot up from his phone to meet one that resembles his too much for comfort. Rhaenyra is eyeing him exasperated. There was slight tension at the beginning of the meeting when he gave her a funny look after she sat in the seat their father normally does. But he had no interest in arguing with Rhaenyra, at least not today.

“Yes, I hear you,” he clears his throat, and rubs one of his eyes.

“Long night?”

The smile is there when she says it but the words are condescending. Her smile works on others, but Aegon knows what lies beneath it. Such a delight to work with, Viserys would beam. Everything was easy when her eyes softened, and the corners of her lips go lopsided in a good-natured way. Aegon knows she must that to survive in this environment. Mask all her slender and confidence with smiles. He would respect it more if she did not try to play him like she does the other men in the firm.

Like he is one of father’s mindless cronies.

They share the same blood. Which means he knows they are both predisposed to thinking they know best by nature.

“I want to talk about reconsidering the pro bono option,” ok, maybe he does want an argument. Bothering Rhaenyra sparked a unique kind of joy in Aegon.

Rhaenyra’s brows furrow. Their brains had been hardwired differently by now; her business-oriented ideals sometimes working in direct contrast with the direction he thinks the firm should go in.

“I think the idea is one we should consider,” Tyland Lannister pipes up, voice chipper and full of mirth.

Rhaenyra’s gaze turns to him, completely unimpressed. Aegon had to bite back a smile. Tyland had a habit of siding with Aegon in meetings like this. The Lannisters, a family that has dipped their foot in any lucrative business they could find, not only had a history with Targaryens, but with the Hightowers as well. Rhaenyra had expressed to their father how much it bothered her. All she received was a wave of the hand; for all the special treatment he felt Viserys gave his eldest child, Aegon can say Viserys has never been good at laying down the law within the firm.

How he managed to run the company with that attitude was beyond Aegon.

With the slight support of Tyland, a couple of the other suits in the room nodded in agreement. Rhaenyra swallows, eyes shifting back to Aegon’s. When his sister is upset, he has noticed her eyes shift to a chill blue to a tempered iris.

She looks at him with a look that Aegon could only describe as pure exhaustion. The type of exhaustion that happens when you deeply resent someone. Somewhere down the line they took a sharp turn right, and never got back on track.

The irony of the distance between them, is that it was not always like that. His first memories of life are not with his mother, father, or even with the siblings he grew up in the same household with; they are with Rhaenyra. He has fuzzy recollections of teenage her blowing raspberries on his belly when he was a baby. They used to share knowing glances when their father went on tangents. She used to take him on trips to the park. Now Aegon finds himself wondering what things Rhaenyra whispers in Viserys’ ear when he is not around.

Maybe that was the last time Rhaenyra genuinely liked him. When he was younger with no motives or true thoughts of his own. He supposed he can’t blame her; that was the last time he liked being in his own body too.

There are times he looks at his sister, and he wants her to bring him into a hug. Rhaenyra always gave the best hugs, only rivaled by his mom. He wants to burst into tears and tell her that she was his first friend. That he needed her years ago. But then he remembers the look of disbelief he received when Viserys said Aegon would be working for the firm.

The coldness is better. His heart doesn’t break multiple times over anymore.

“Aegon and I can discuss that later,” Rhaenyra says after a minute. She stands to leave. “This meeting is over.”

She’s frustrated. He can tell by the way she leaves the room without a single glance his way. One thing they do have in common is the bone-chilling urge to flee a place whenever things get too difficult or when they get too annoyed. Could be self-preservation. Could be them sparring others the anger Targaryens are known for.

Aegon sits for a moment as everyone else filters out of the room. The rain comes down harder against the windows. He closes his eyes listening to way it bangs against the building.

Tip tap tip tap

He identifies with the rain. Moody, surly, gloomy.

———

By the time Aegon packs up to leave for Aemond, the rain had stopped. The clouds clearing out as the light leaves the sky.

He lets the top down on his car. The cool air nips at his tip of his nose and cheeks. It burns in the best way. Aegon sits at the front of the building that he knows Aemond will be in. He sits patiently for minutes, but then curiosity and impatience take over.

Whenever he is on the campus, he can’t help but want to take it all in. Look at all the buildings he can. Explore as if he was child again. He always thought it would be him to follow in his mother’s footsteps coming here, instead it was Aemond. He tries not to let the scratching bitterness work its way up his throat whenever they go home. The way Alicent frets and gushes over Aemond holds a special place in brain.

Her sweet, talented boy

He still does not know if she says it in front of him on purpose or by accident.

The building was nothing like the firm. Warm wood opposed to the glass and shiny metal he was used to. It was easy to know where Aemond would be, most of the lights in rooms dimmed except for one at the end of the hall.

He follows the piano he can hear faintly. Even though they are brothers, Aegon often feels like he is encroaching on something deeply personal when he hears Aemond play. Like he was hearing a part of Aemond he kept hidden from world. It made him peak in the room versus walking straight in.

He sees Aemond, eyes closed, playing a melody he does not recognize. It’s beautiful. But that is nothing out of the ordinary for Aemond.

Before he can finally make his presences known, a pair of legs obstruct his view. A graceful turn, followed by an acrobatic leap. All Aegon can is stare in slight awe, but he can’t help his mind from drifting to his mother. It reminds him of the black and white photos of her hanging in the foyer of their family home. Or the old videos of she used to show them when they were little.

He doesn’t know what he misses more - being that young or when Alicent wanted to share those things with them.

Before Aegon can finally walk in, the dancer stops abruptly turning to Aemond.

“Hmmmm,” she hums lowly. “I’m just not feeling it.”

Aemond lets out a guttural groan in response. He stands from the piano, roughly closing the top.

“You have not ‘felt’ the last two things I have composed.”

The dancer shrugs, not fazed by Aemond’s temperament. “Nothing has inspired me yet.”

He mumbled something under his breath, and Aegon watches as a head full of hair pulled pack in a ponytail snap back to his brother.

“What was that?”

Aegon knows that tone well. Him and Helaena would use it often when Aemond did that. They both hated when he would mumble under his breath. It always led to arguments that Alicent would have to break up. Aemond starts to gather the music sheets on the piano.

“Could be your tired routine that has everything feeling uninspired,” Aemond says louder.

“Oh please,” there is something so oddly familiar about the voice as it rings out. The insults don’t match the clear and sprite like nature of it. “If anything is tired, it is the cheap Rachmaninoff imitations you keep composing.”

“Gods, you’re such a….”

“Awe, what am I Aemond,” she doesn’t miss a beat. “tell me, so then I can tell you what you are. Because trust me if you think calling me a bitch is going to hurt my feelings, you should hear what people say about you.”

It makes Aemond falter. Aegon knows that deposited the tough face his brother puts on; he gets bogged down with what others think and expect of him. Aegon decides that maybe he should step in now.

“I think you both looked and sounded great,” he winced as soon as the words came out. His voice loudly ranges through the studio. Not entirely the smooth entrance it should have been. Aemond’s eyes shoot to Aegon; he seems to be getting that angry look from all his siblings lately.

Aegon freezes when his gaze meets big eyes staring at him incredulously. He recognizes the gentle slope of her nose, and the softness of her pretty face.

“Oh, fuck me.”

Aegon has a special talent for being foolishly. A knack for being numbingly unintelligent when it comes to feelings. At least that is what Daeron tells him.

“For someone so bright in other ways, you can be real stupid.”

But managing to include himself in the mess that is Aemond’s university life must be a new kind of low. This must be the Gods punishing him. The false promises he dishes out to women coming to finally bite him in the ass.

Her eyes go from Aegon to Aemond, then back to Aegon before she left out a chuckle of disbelief. “My life must be joke.”

Aegon opens his mouth to say something, but then realizes his mouth is the thing that got in him into this mess in the first place. His mouth on yours, his mouth on you, and his mouth’s ability to say sweet nothings at the drop of a hat. So all he can do is watch as you angrily put on your coat and tear off your dance shoes. While putting on your boots you turn to Aemond.

“Figure your shit out before reaching out to me again,” you hiss at him.

You don’t even spare Aegon another glance as you storm out. Leaving him with just the quick whiff of your sweet perfume.

The two brothers stand there in silence for a moment before Aemond finally speaks.

“I thought I told you to stay in the car?”

The drive to the Thai place was filled with Aemond cutting Aegon off by turning the radio louder and louder. He asks for what happened but seemingly shut down when the implication of what happened became clear.

“So, you fucked my project partner,” he mutters bitterly. “And then completely ghosted her after you promised you wouldn’t. On top lying about your last name.”

Aegon shakes his head, mouth full of tom kha khai. When he says it like that it sounds so awful.

“We did not have sex,” Aegon repeats. Then his shoulders slump. “But yes… we might have done… other stuff and I may have… not called when I said I would.”

Aemond scoffs, picking at his half-eaten curry. The brother bonding not going how Aegon wanted it to.

“I can apologize. I can send flowers.”

“No, absolutely not.” Aemond blanches. “You need to leave her alone. We are already not on the same page, the last thing I need is more issues with her.”

He did have a nice night with you. One of the better ones he can remember. It could why he was so apprehensive to reach out. It was just Aegon’s luck. He manages to fuck things up even when he says he won’t get attached and involved.

“Well, I guess I feel a little bit less bad about what I was going to tell you,” Aemond says, then clears his throat. “Criston asked about you again when we talked.”

Aegon says nothing in return. This dinner was a mistake. He had already had a bad day at work; everything has down spiraled from there.

“I invited him to my recital in a couple of weeks. I just thought I should give you heads-up if you decide to come.”

Aegon shrugs. “It is your recital; you can invite whoever you want.”

“Funny, mother said the same thing,” Aemond smiled, it not reaching his eyes. “I don’t get why you guys must take your feelings out on him. He was nothing but kind to us. Especially to you, he taught you everything you knew about drumming. He didn’t make you go ha-“

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” Aegon snaps.

What he really wants is a cold pint or a glass of wine, but he knows the look Aemond will give him if he orders one. Before a head-splitting headache comes on, Aegon asks for the check.

He wants to forget about the dinner. To forget about all the feelings that get stuck is him brain and keep him from functioning the way he wants to. Some nights he dreams about his siblings all being together, their father a distant memory. Other nights, he has nightmares of Alicent’s face contorted in pain and tears. Scared and disappointed.

But tonight, brought something different. Visions of soft lips, and a warm laugh flood his mind. Everything syrupy, and hazy in the best way. Not even Aemond’s words could break the succession of them.

Stay away from her

Aegon has always had trouble doing what he supposed to

[freddy-and-friends-au]

The band’s all here! (WIP)

I still haven’t finished their new endoskeletons yet, but I think I have their suits mostly down!

Feel free to ask any questions you may have in the inbox!

EXTRA INFO AND SCREENSHOTS UNDER THE CUT!!!

At first glance, these are obviously inspired by the traditional Chuck E. Cheese x Rockafire Explosion suits, designing them more like sports mascot costumes and having very little of the endoskeleton showing at all times (say for Foxy, of course). This was not only for more realistic world-building, but also to optimize animation, as we now have less moving parts that are actually showing, and therefore, less to render.

You might be wondering “if you wanted a more realistic approach to the suits, why not take a more realistic approach to the masks, like a more ShowBiz Pizza style?” And to that I say: everyone does that.

Okay, that isn’t entirely the reason. I like the idea of basing the designs more off of the canon models than something that already exists, because I like the idea of FazEnt having their own style of making animatronics. The ShowBiz style isn’t the only way to do animatronic masks, and these masks are how FazEnt would go about making them. Even when FazEnt does use the trademark ShowBiz rubber-face masks on the Junior models, they don’t do it the same way that ShowBiz does it.

Something interesting I want to do with Freddy & Friends is to set narrative moments apart from the moments meant to be passed off as real footage. The designs shown above are for the latter, meanwhile the narrative will use more artistically stylized suits textured to more so resemble a comic book, sort of like Into The Spider-Verse (except instead of going for a generalized comic book feel, the Freddy & Friends style is gonna be more reminiscent of the Batman: Year One comic). The designs will be more reminiscent of how I draw them on paper, as opposed to being faithful to the canon.

Here’s some extra info as to how I came up with the designs, as well as some extra renders and concept art!:

Original concept art from September 30, 2020.

Freddy was a little obvious to design, probably because everyone seems to design him like this when making more cartoonish versions of him. A more defined tuxedo complete with a collar and cuffs with a red stripe around his hat. It just seemed like the right direction to go in.

Bonnie was initially intended to wear a vest, though I was holding out for something else so that he could be differentiated from the evil rabbit (the evil rabbit wears a vest). I asked my friends what I could change it to, and one of them said “Try a cardigan”. Honestly, that fits Bonnie’s personality so much better, both in terms of spirit and cartoon.

You might also notice that Bonnie was supposed to have buck teeth, as well as more squared off teeth. That was originally part of his V1 model, but when I tried applying that to the new models, literally any way I tried to arrange it made Bonnie look like so much like an insufferable asshole that I wanted to punch him in the face. Ultimately, I ended up ditching the buck teeth and just gave him his classic teeth.

Chica was a little hard to do something unique with at first. I initially wasn’t really sure what I wanted to do with her, but when I modeled her V1, her little chef’s hat was a last minute addition to her design. I’m also thinking about changing her bib into an apron, per the toon designs that Henry posted a while back.

Foxy was probably the most fun to design. Obviously, his final model has a lot of details inspired by the FNAF movie, but when I was designing him 4 years ago, I really just wanted to go crazy with his design. I wanted him to have a beard, I wanted him to have a peg leg (I really liked the idea of animating him with a limp). Unfortunately, I don’t know if I’ll keep the peg leg, because it might be a little too hard for Henry to animate with the tech that he has.

As a cheeky little reference to the roots of the FNAF fandom, I wanted Foxy’s hook to resemble the hook seen on the Splinks Foxy model. ;)

Endo01 - Version 4 WIP

I’ve done a few different versions of the endoskeleton. What I’m trying to do for this new one is to assemble him modularly, allowing me to make each component a recognizable component (they’re also actually modeled after real components).

I’m not gonna go into detail about the functionality of this guy, because I eventually plan to make a Freddy & Friends Instructional VHS series centered around being a mechanic for FazEnt. However, what I will say is that these designs are intended to have plausible functionality, especially using the technology of the 1980’s (which is not restricted to pneumatic technology, because making an animatronic walk with pneumatic actuators while maintaining the traditional complexity of animatronic endoskeletons is simply impossible).

EXTRAS:

The original Version 1 designs

My failed attempt at giving Bonnie buck teeth (I wanna punch him so bad…)

Fixed Foxy

???

[effervescentdragon]

*holds out a mic like a reporter* what’s your opinion on the current state of the mcu?

my opinion is that it should have died a long time ago and that everything they do is just abusing the corpse of a frankensteined thing that should have been left and buried a long time ago.

now, i am not that much up to date. i have stopped engaging with mcu after endgame, with the exception of watching the forst season of loki and wakanda forever and i think the eternals, which is good if its taken out of the wider context. my opinion is that the mcu is empty and soulless and a perfect indoctrination into individualist capitalism, warmongering patriarchy and the greedy capital-driven urge of mega corporations and billionaires to replace any sort of humanity with artificially, computer made caricatures of something that once moght have been called art.

i remember that article that tom hiddleston wrote as a response to i believe scorcese sometime way back in 2012, defending superhero movies. i am too lazy to find any refetences so whoever reads this can do their own research and correct me if im wrong anywhere, but i do believe he gave sir christopher reeve as an example. he wrote about the thruths that superheroes explore, how there is not one, but many. how it is the mundanity and the pure humanity that gets amplified and therefore explored and understood through the characters of superheroes, and it all brings us closer to the human experience. that article has stuck with me through all the years ive spent watching these movies and believing in the message - we are all superheroes in our own way. we all make choices, no matter on how much of a micro scale, to do the right thing. to protect, to shield, to fight against injustice. art is, after all, inherently political.

there is none of that in the mcu. ive seen it being chipped away piece by piece over the years, seen the ethical and moral dilemmas we all face in day to day life brought on the big screen to make us understand that there is always a choice, no matter how tough that choice may be, and that every single one of us is capable of both the biggest heroism and the most depraved atrocities, because we are, in essence only human; i have seen all that be replaced with american capitalist war and conquering propaganda, girlboss empty feminism and whatever the fuck those shit "christians" are now pandering and paddling as "family values".

the only god disney worships is obscene amount of money. the only value they respect is how little they can pay and how much they can exploit to get highest monetary value for their shitty cgi-ed recycled propaganda movies. they have turned every character into a twisted version of themselves, assigned value to only those characters who help them propagate their imperialistic capitalist world order, and are fine to spit out dozens of same content (because by now, it is content, devoid of any artistic ideation) and stomp on all that superheroes used to stand for and all that they used to teach us. they also do it in a most insidious way, giving token "other" characters, be it by their race or faith or sexual orientation or gender, while counting on the systematic lowering of critical thinking skills in people to ensure people are dazzled by the shallow representation and never look further away from the rainbow cgi and explosions to understand that mcu has become just another cog in the us imperialist war machine.

i lied. i looked up tom hiddleston's article because i think a shakespearean actor classically trained who quotes tolstoy for fun might have written a better punchline than i could write, in my despondent, disappointed and despairing state of seeing something i've loved with my whole heart be ruined ny human grief. i was right.

"Maybe playing superheroes isn't such an ignoble undertaking after all. "I still believe in heroes," says Samuel L Jackson's Nick Fury in Avengers Assemble. So do I, sir. So do I."

except. except i believe in real life superheroes. in the people protesting against the genocide in gaza. in the people on the ground risking their lives to tell us in the west, about sudan and palestine and uyghur muslims and armenia and congo, in a bid that we might turn our heads and watch the actual real life crises caused by the very imperialists who use these superhero movies to try and save their status quo of opression. i believe in a man who chose self-immolation over being party to the atrocity that is the us military. i believe in my friends in germany who go out every weekend and fight against the rising nazi regime. i believe in every person that has spoken out against the atrocities in the world, every person that has donated and educated and debated and wrote to the representatives and protested. and they still do it, and will continue to do it. these people are the real superheroes to me, and guess what? they are just humans. and those people comitting atrocities right now? they are just humans too.

this is what the superhero comics and movies that i used to watch taught me. that humans are those who have the capacity for the biggest heroism and most despicable atrocities both. we just have to choose. and that is not something that anyone will be able to learn from the mcu anymore.

[milksuu]

⌜modern!au!hwei x gn!reader⌟ ╰ ❝ A WORK OF ART ❞

❥ prompt: Hwei takes you on a date. But you're not really the 'artsy-fartsy' type. ❥ content/warnings: established relationship, fluff, suggestive language/themes ❥ word count: 668 an;; i swore i would write something for hwei when he came out. i have fulfilled my promise...to myself lol.

"Tell me. When you gaze into this painting. What sort of feelings does it possess you with?"

"I'm possessed with the idea that someone spilled their coffee on it. And to cover it up, tried to wipe it away. But only smudged it around before deciding 'Ah, yes. This was an obvious intentionally stroke of genius. No one will suspect a thing.' And now, I'm feeling like I could go for a latte."

Hwei pauses, pinching his lips to side at your observation. He bows his head, as if coming to an inevitable conclusion. Which was, in fact, your glaring lack of an artistic eye. Still, he lifts a smile, not giving up on the idea that bringing you to a ritzy art gallery wasn't the worst idea he's ever had.

"Surely," he speaks low as to not disturb the other patrons busying themselves with the view, "you must have some inkling of emotion when you see it. Don't you?"

"Hwei," you finally turn, closing the galla pamphlet you were pressed to take. "You're asking an accountant what they think about art. Honestly, I'm more concerned about the price tag. In which case, I feel a sense of remorse for whoever plans to buy it. It's a blank canvas with a coffee stain."

"I'm beginning to think that you might lack just a fine hair of imagination." He bears a soft smile that washes away any nerve you have over his quip. He has a way of making his jests lighthearted and almost poetic. But that never meant he wasn't being truthful. Maybe that's what made him so dangerous to begin with. And that's what made you stall for a breath whenever you were with him.

Lifting an arm, he gestures for you to take it. You do, and allow him to escort you to whatever part of the gallery he wants to try and entertain you with. He's made a point to inspire you, and even mold you into someone who could potentially appreciate the crafts. He's put a lot of faith in potential. And that you could say, was not the most pragmatic way of going about things.

After a slow waltz to the next atrium, he brings you to stand before a chiseled, marble sculpture of a man. Carved with such expression and lines, it wouldn't surprise you if it started breathing. Quitely, you trace the statues body, down the the very detail of what was between his legs. By curve and size alone, you gather the artist didn't want this particular piece to be missed.

"It's giving me a sense of," you breathe in a refined breath for air, twirling a dramatic hand to the lower region. "Phallic."

You think Hwei will try to argue with you. Chastise you for your childish take on fine art. And possibly end the date early from sheer offense. Instead, he covers his mouth from his airy laughs.

"It seems you have a very good eye for these kinds of things. I knew I was dealing with an expert." A hint of amusement lightens the dark circles pressed beneath his sultry eyes. "I may or may not have have been thinking the same thing."

"My turn to ask the questions, then." You clear your throat, mimicking his ornate style of speech. 'Tell me. What sort of thoughts does it possess you with?'"

"I'm possessed with the thought"—he chuckles, closing the gap between your bodies. His lips mere inches away from yours. Whispering the last of his secret—"of how badly I want to kiss you right now."

"Really? In front of a Greek man's marbled penis, surrounded by a room full of voyeurs?" Your fingers take the fabric of his turtleneck, pressing him closer. "I would've never guessed this is what turns you on."

"Oh. You have absolutely no idea." Hwei concludes, quieting your breathy laughs with his lips. It blooms a cascade of warm tones in your chest, and you feel your cheeks bruise an intense hue of pink.

There's a time and place for when you would tell him.

That the way he makes you feel is your favorite work of art.

[zone-of-truth]

I think Taako's character is the most interesting case in terms of a character study because the way he changes is very very dramatic. Fandom-wise, this is why there is such a stark contrast between early Taako designs and later Taako designs, and also part of why he is so popular. For Merle though I think the first big change we see with him is when his patron deity is changed to Pan. Clint obviously had a more solid idea of Who he wants Merle to be by that point, but I don't think things completely fall into place until the character choice is made to give Merle children. That choice isn't made until after the Eleventh Hour. Possibly before but if that’s the case, Griffin wasn't aware of Clint making that character choice. I think it being so long though for Merle to develop a strong backstory narrative is why he hangs loose in the minds of many.

Not that Merle doesn't have a personality. Like he does and it is part of why I love him so much, but his backstory just sort of cements what kind of character he is. His relationship and dillema with Pan is made more interesting with the knowledge that Even with kids, Merle didn't know what he was doing and didn't have faith in his connections with others. Even when Merle isn’t explicitly following the choices of others, we see a lot of his character is rooted in him not having faith in himself.

To use them as an example, Magnus and Taako have certain mantras associated with them. "Magnus rushes in" and “Taako's good out here." Then you have Merle who doesn't necessarily have one in the podcast, but is repeatedly described to be the one who follows behind. You see a funny switch in The Suffering Game where Justin, Travis, and Clint all say respectively, “Taako rushes in!”, “Magnus follows him,” and “Merle’s good out here.” I’ve seen art occasionally that uses this as Merle’s “mantra” (though definitely not as commonly associated with him as “I cast Zone of Truth” is). Each phrase and the commonality of it being said really just summarizes their characters. Magnus is bold, direct, and confident. His catchphrase was established in the first arc and it is repeated by himself, his player, and the other players. Taako doesn't really use his and is notably used less than what Magnus yells, but it still shows that Taako is unworried, flippant, and nonconfrontational. Merle has no catchphrase he says often, but we SEE him follow behind. We SEE him reluctant to make his own decisions and being content with going along with the group. We SEE him follow what others are doing, even if he never verbally comments on it. His actions show much louder than his words.

Merle wasn’t there for kids for a long time because he was paralyzed by fear and and a lack of faith in himself. Merle continuing to dislike and distrust Angus when Taako has always liked him and Magnus quickly warms up to him just shows how… unfamiliar he is with kids. He doesn't know how to treat children and he doesn't know the effect of having an adult you look up to treating you poorly. Growing up as well it was Merle’s father who kept pushing the Pan faith onto him and as an adult, Merle is pretty agnostic before his character arc is resolved. He starts out as a cleric for Pan because that’s what he was surrounded with growing up and then his faith in Pan falters after The Crystal Kingdom (we see the peak of this in The Eleventh Hour). Merle seems to be just… burned out from worship after all the bombardment as a child. Clint has said Merle is insecure about his place on the team but the fact he treats Angus as another adult is telling about his relationship with his kids and his own insecurity.

The thing is though… Merle didn’t experience that kind of self-doubt during The Stolen Century. At least, we didn’t get to see much of it. He’s less in the shadows of others and more exuberant and unapologetic. With John, we see him telling him what’s what. He has an appreciation for life and a kindness we do not see as often in the arcs before. And fittingly… we see him say to Angus that he’s alright in Story and Song. In the same arc, we see him finally resolve his relationship in Pain.

Merle is a follower because he lacks faith. His lack of faith leads to him doubting his own capabilities and self-worth, leading him to lash out at Angus and avoid the responsibility of taking care of his children. This is just a vector of Merle caring so, so much. He cares deeply about others and what they think of him, which is why he doesn’t like Angus and projects onto him but also why he behaves the way he does in The Stolen Century: he doesn’t want to be any other way if it means his family believing he is someone else. He cares deeply about his children, which is why he returns to their lives but also why he left them in the first place. He didn’t think he was good enough and he didn’t think they deserved him as a father. He cares deeply about his ideals and beliefs, which is why he comes around to Pan and stops his meetings with John but also why he chooses to be a follower for most of Balance. He doesn’t want to be rejected.

[nayatarot777]

✨ what do you need to know right now? + random messages ✨ ~ pac

check out my youtube if you’d like! 🤍

• pile 1 •

there’s an ending to a long cycle that’s coming up. everything in your life seems as though it’s stagnant. not progressing or moving forward at all, but that’s because you’re afraid to surrender a certain way of doing things. when just living your life, or how you achieve things in particular.

you could be feeling stagnant because you’re trying to develop motivation through projects, hobbies, belief systems, etc. that you’ve outgrown. you’ve learned what you need to learn from those things but it’s almost like you’re afraid to let go of them regardless. the unknown seems scary at first, but i know that you know that there’s so much more peace and balance on the other side of surrendering to this life change/identity change.

random message but animals could be important to you guys. birds. chickens in particular. and frogs. idk what that’s about 😂

i just heard “life reset”. there’s also a message about finding complete peace and comfort in your own private world. you might not want to be around people much and that’s perfectly okay.

surrender your boundaries between you and the universe. things might be too overwhelming right now, but if you’re someone who operates out of faith, now is a good time to practice the art of surrendering. those of us in this pile have fought through enough already. we’ve been through enough. we deserve to sit in our own peace and quiet and enjoy our time to ourselves if that’s what we choose.

bonus message: for those of us who have done fiery wall of protections or return to senders? the universe has heard our requests loud and clear. this is blocking out anything and everything that is destructive in our lives. our spirits won’t be so susceptible to being bothered by people’s bullshit lmao. i’m seeing that most of us are people that not many people have access to easily, anyway. if that’s not the case yet, then a space and time for complete hermit mode is coming up.

• pile 2 •

you guys are switching up the way that you think and speak to/about yourself. a huge burst of self assurance and confidence is subconsciously coming to you guys. it’s not clear where this confidence is coming from, but it could be due to avoiding a disaster of some sort?

you could be in a situation that has continuously made you worry for quite a while now, but i’m seeing that you’ll have either the motivation, strength, or bravery to change the course of your life through actively asserting yourself towards something. that’s what will help with this tough situation.

there’s also a message about you guys genuinely picking up on hidden enemies, psychic attacks, and non-genuine people around you. you’re not being paranoid or anything like that. you’re subconsciously or unconsciously picking up on some hating ass energy. i don’t like that. i heard that you should burn some palo santo or something to cleanse yourself and your space. bitches are big mad over you, pile 2 👀

what i’m picking up on is you picking up on the hidden competition that you know you feel from certain people in your life. it’s very gross. you’re realising that you’re someone who actually has something that others are jealous about. and that could be absolutely anything.

you’re increasingly getting more confident in listening to your intuition and this will help you to avoid a betrayal or backstabbing. i feel like, again, you’re unconsciously aware of this (or maybe you are consciously but you’re not speaking about what you know?) and this is also helping you.

keep doing your thing, and release other people’s assumptions and judgements of you. you don’t owe them shit. not an explanation. not your defensiveness. nothing.

• pile 3 •

for some of you, you’ve been given the responsibility of putting in the ground work for something. you’ve been given too much responsibility for too long and it’s overwhelming for you. an opportunity to leave something stressful behind is showing itself. you see that you’re investing way too much into whatever this is, just for it to not progress or evolve. things have stayed the same for a while and you’ve been carrying burdens related to this that you haven’t had to. for way too long. the opportunity to walk away is arising.

i’m also seeing that some of you could be laying a creative project or some type of work to rest? to switch paths and find something much more fulfilling. you can use the knowledge that you’ve learned so far for your new path and make great shit happen. it’s better than sitting around, waiting for something to happen without any progress.

some of you could even be leaving whole careers behind. because of the fact that they don’t emotionally fulfil you like you’d like. you’re following your heart more than money, status, or anything else, and that’s a great thing. your spirit feels free after releasing whatever this is.

i’m really getting big retirement vibes from this. of course that’s only for a smaller number of you, but figuratively speaking, whatever path you’re going down is building you so much stability and wealth. it’s actually insane. you’ll be able to live your life in a chill way. no stress. you can grow fruits out of your labour on your own unconventional path and still live comfortably. you know that. and you’re succeeding as long as you release what you need to.

p.s. - i’m picking up on a lot of virgo energy from you guys. or chiron. you guys are doing enough. stop being so hard on yourself. you’ve perfected your chosen path. you know what to do. run with it.

[chelzone]

My WIP Games Ahead: An Assortment

feeling like rambling a bit to get myself motivated to work on stuff right now, as well give a fresh update on what projects ive been tending to this year. just gonna focus on three that have had a lotta work put into em already

not gonna tag this one since its a mixture of SFW and NSFW and hidden under a read more. dont open if u dont wanna read about the latter (more specifically expansion kink stuff)

Hallowed Discharge

this one i've been putting my heart and soul into for a long while now, as it's a mountain of coding and writing despite only being maybe 25-30% finished argubly. made within the Quest text adventure engine, much like my released SFW game Kindred Spirit. Hallowed Discharge revolves around a pooltoy priest named Reverend Artemis, and his task in trying to nonlethally expel a hell of a lot of spirits from an abandoned mall named Delícias do Vale. features a hell of a lot of NPCs to chat with, tons of tasks to do for the most important of spirits, a mixture of percentage-based stats to be mindful of (weight, faith, and energy), and a fuckton of early game overs if u aint careful along the way. so far currently i'd say half of the first floor's tended to, same for the basement, and nothing for the second floor or general outside yet.

last time i tinkered with this, i was tending to a mission where the player has to attempt to fix fuses around the mall to restore partial power to the basement generators (mechanically it works code-wise, still need to move them to proper areas before the task can be completed properly). as for the justification of kinky stuff, our beloved goddess of expansion herself Her Divine is puppeting the show from above

Enchanted Bliss

another game with a lotta heart put into it, this one's a SFW visual novel made within Ren'Py (my first proper one at that in said engine!). Enchanted Bliss revolves around a newbie and mid-to-late 20 something wizard Dylan Rhodes, being strung along on a mission with a bunch of professional wizards / coworkers (a field exercise for Rhodes, a bigger deal of trouble for the rest). within the ruined city of Filia Lunae, Dylan will have to tag up with one of their coworkers to investigate a part of said city and hopefully score a friendship / a romantic relationship along the way (or even beef it completely).

last time i worked on this, ive been in the process of redoing the art style completely to be a more neon and line-focused one (as seen in the image above). fuck ton of emotion sprites are done for the protagonist Dylan, supporting character / mission boss Carmichael, and one of said coworkers - Brava Denvers. still have to draw the rest of the emotions for the other 5 coworkers. past that ive made 16 short music loops (1 min or so each) that might wind up in the game or its soundtrack slated for post-game release in the years ahead. still a lot of drawing, writing, and music-making ahead along with sourcing any royalty free / public domain sounds with credits of course. current playable section is just the tutorial / introduction camp before starting any of the six routes

The Ballad of Hush and Clover

another kinky game, though this one made in the flicksy 2 engine much like me released SFW game For Your Eyes. this one revolves around wizard couple and toony folks Evelyn Hush an Patsy Clover, heading off to the Nilbrook Mountain Chain to investigate a strange cave stumbled upon by a coworker. from there, they stumble upon a small fragment of what used to be temple to the (shocker) goddess Her Divine. there, a mystical figure emerges as a proxy of said goddess an offers a challenge for one (whichever the player chooses) of the toony spouses / wizards present.

with enough vague story rambling outta the way, it's basically gonna be a point and click sort of storybook thang. you'll either be playing as Evelyn OR Patsy - not both. each spouse has their own setting and associated adventure in a simulated dimension tied to their challenge (the other stays behind in the real world with the mentioned figure / proxy). so far a fuckton of scenes are drawn for it already, fulfilling the entirety of gameplay in the introduction and tutorial. gameplay elements besides traveling From Here to There will also be opportunities to use your powers, think about the situation ahead, chat with the folks within the challenge, and utilize a map to figure out where the hell ur at.

last time i worked on it i started making the early parts of both playable stories for each respective protagonist. Evelyn gets to deal with potential inflation mischief on an airship resort of sorts, while Patsy deals with potential fattening mischief on a cross-country luxury train of sorts. this one has been fun as fuck to draw and write for, and is chock full of visuals oh my lord

anyway if uve read this or even a chunk of this write-up, thanks! feel its important to remind folks that im still working on things and offer any progress updates when i can lol. at the moment of writing (08-29-2024) im prob gonna try hopping back into game dev for one or all of these come early September this year. id say realistically it'll be a hot minute until i release any of these three (most work needed for Hallowed Discarge, least needed for The Ballad of Hush and Clover, yadda yadda)