#i do have an ao3 w some stuff published

[olderthannetfic]

Sorry to revive the hp wank on your blog but, yk, it was pissing me off. I’m so sick of “grow up children the lore isn’t even good.” Should I pick up some sci-fi fantasy brick instead? Some TikTok romantasy shit? As if the solid magic system is why I or anyone is into hp fandom, as opposed to the gaping holes authors and artists use as planters. The volume of work and history of fandom, and yes, history as a cultural phenomenon. It sucks that jkr used her wealth and prominence as a springboard to be hateful, but done is done on that. Jkr doesn’t, for me , atp, come into it, not since she published DH, and I know I’m not alone. The majority of book character slash fic enjoyers w fuck terfs in bio are not the same people w hp jansport and herbology t shirt. They are not hitting retweet. Email warner brothers abt their new theme park, or better yet, the media that legitimizes and platforms her, or better yet, actually pivot to activism /for/ trans people.

Like, it’s not my fault that jeffree star made good music in 2009, and all the racism, transphobia, and sex crimes he’s done before and since don’t actually make my eBay copy of beauty killer slay less. it’s not like he’s getting proceeds. Those are perfectly valid reasons to not be able enjoy something you might otherwise, but like. What we like and dislike is more to do with the gut than ppl act like it is, when it comes to stuff they can’t personally see the appeal of.

I don’t like fascism or mark wahlburg, but that doesn’t mean I think those things being bad is an actually compelling reason for someone to deny their extant enjoyment of Attack on Titan or The Italian Job, even though it /is/ the reason I personally can’t stand these things.

On the other hand I still like Home Alone 2 AND Two Weeks Notice, and Friz Frelings non-overtly-racist ouvre.

This is just another case of moralizing a personal squick, an iteration of which a broad chunk of self proclaimed proshippers seem perfectly happy to engage in.

I have a bunch of new and comfort fics queued up for my top surgery recovery. If one more person tells me to just decide to like earthsea instead I will metaphorically kms in front of them. There’s exactly one earthsea fic on ao3 with gay sex. And, yk, my blorbos aren’t there. Joy you can’t personally relate to is not less important or more immature for being unrelatable to you.

And ngl it wasn’t gonna work on me anyways, but telling people to discard something they enjoy and care about bc otherwise they’re bad evil cringe immature babies with shit taste who only read one book is like, not the winning argument people seem to think it will be.

--

[4urvalidation]

EASIER THAN LYING | Chapter Two

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER

A/N: I say this is dark!Rafe, but in reality he is the goofiest version of himself that you have ever seen. I jest. The dark! part comes with his past and his actions and everything else that makes Rafe - Rafe. I also really enjoyed writing and exploring his relationship with Sofia a little bit more as well as y'know - giving her character an ounce of personality (something the Pates failed to do in the show)

One more thing! I'm also going to publish this on AO3 so in case you're enjoying it and feeling extra generous, please go on over and show the fic some love 🥺

T/W: Explicit sexual content, dirty talk and praise kink. Mentions of drugs and alcohol as well as implications of murder. Or crimes as such.

RAFE

She cut her hair. 

That’s the first thing that comes to mind when I see her. 

And then, I look at her boyfriend. He’s a tall and lanky dude of around 5 '11 with shoulder length unkempt dirty blond hair and a baby face. I stare at him from across the room and then I look down at Sofia - her slight build and perky tits and almost immediately, like she knows I’ve been gaping at her, she looks up at me. 

“Babe, smile.” I do as I’m told. Not because I want to but because doing exactly what my girl tells me, helps me earn brownie points and lately, that’s the only way I can convince her into letting me do stuff. 

Sex stuff.

Which is weird. I never had to try this hard with Trudy. 

All I had to do with her is just show up and she’ll be right there on her knees sucking me off until my eyes have practically rolled themselves to the back of my head. 

Sofia on the other hand… well, Sofia is different. 

She likes our sex to be slow and gentle, just like she likes me best when I’m slow and gentle and not crashing out at the tiniest fucking thing. But then again, Sofia doesn’t know me the way Trudy once did. 

A good thing, I remind myself. 

“Hey stranger.” I shoot Trudy a smile the second she and her hipster boyfriend find themselves in front of me and Sofia. She flinches; her face drawn into a grimace I’m very familiar with. “Long time no see.” I’m grinning now, arm stretched and snaking around her bare shoulders. When I pull her towards me, her entire body stiffens as if we had never done this before. As if we are actual fucking strangers. As if I had never made her scream my name. Over and over and over and-

“I’m Charlie.” Hipster boyfriend shoves his skinny large palm in my face and I stare at it. His eyes are a strange shade of muddy green; downcast, but happy - the kind only a spoiled Labrador would have. I shake his hand. His smile grows wider. “Tru’s told me a lot about you.”

I shoot Tru a look. “Has she now? What kinds of things exactly?” 

Trudy rolls her eyes and I bite down a laugh. 

Fuck I’ve missed her. 

Missed her hands, missed her smell, missed her lips-

“I’m Sofia.” 

Fuck. 

Right.

“My girlfriend.” I clear my throat and glance at her. She doesn’t seem too upset. Yet. 

“I take it Rafe hasn’t told you anything about me?” Trudy deadpans and I almost choke on my drink.   

Sofia pats my back. Gently. “No, no - he has. He’s told me a lot of things. About you.” She says sweetly in the kind of way only a sweet girl like herself can and then looks at me - angry, pointedly - because clearly that was a fucking lie and I should’ve told her about Trudy and the two years we spent fucking our brains out. 

Shit.

I wonder just how many brownie points this is gonna cost. 

The pre-wedding brunch nonsense goes as much one would expect. Sarah’s useless fiance tries way too hard to be Kook, Sarah keeps on blabbering about how excited and in love she is, dad keeps nodding away and smiling like he actually wants his favorite girl to marry a Pogue, Rose keeps sending back orders and Wheezie… Wheezie is just there until Sofia notices her quiet and starts asking her about school. 

Not a great topic - by the way - considering how Wheezie’s grades have been less than stellar this year and she stopped talking to the only friend she’s ever had, but at least someone is finally paying her attention, so she beams. Seeing Wheezie happy makes me happy. That’s just how we work and I sit there, looking at them - my favorite girls - until I notice Trudy silently excuse herself from the table. 

I know I shouldn’t do it - nothing good has ever come out from the two of us meeting alone in secluded places, but she’s been ignoring me all day and I need to know what her fucking deal is. 

That and why the fuck she’s blocked me from everywhere. 

“Jesus, you scared me.” Trudy yelps when she catches me standing in front of the bathroom she’s just come out of. I grin. She grimaces. “No. I’m not doing this with you.”

“Doing what?” 

“Whatever you seem to have in mind.”

“But my mind’s pretty blank right now.” 

She rolls her eyes. 

My grin grows wider. 

“I just wanna talk, Tru.” 

“Don’t call me that.” Trudy barks. 

“What? Tru?”

“Yes.”

“But it’s such a good nickname.”

“I know. But it’s not yours.” 

I can’t stop staring at her scowl; at the way it makes her lips all pouty and kissable and shit. So I move forward - just a tiny little step towards her, enough so I can smell her flowery perfume, “Tsk, I don’t think my girl’s gonna appreciate it if I call you after the one I gave you, Sweetheart.” 

Trudy rolls her eyes, gets ready to leave, but then stops. Turns. I don’t like the way she’s looking back at me. It’s the same look she gave me when that happened. 

“There’s something you need to know.” She says suddenly and my heart skips a beat. “This guy, Patrick Hahn something… he uh, he’s investigating Sheriff Peterkin’s murder.” My blood runs cold. I haven’t heard that name in years. For some stupid reason a part of me thought I would never hear about it again. And yet… 

“What is he, like a P.I or something?” I croak. 

“No. He’s a podcaster.” 

“The fuck?” 

“I know, I know… I thought the same thing at first, but he’s a really good one. I’ve…  I’ve actually been listening to some of his episodes and… Rafe, this guy… he knows his stuff.” 

I stare at her. I wanna say something; something that’s gonna make this whole entire thing not sound so fucking stupid, but nothing comes to mind. Like - how can a fucking podcaster solve a murder? And an unsolvable one at that? 

“So what? You think he can do it?” I ask finally and there goes my voice again - shaking like I’m going through puberty.  

Trudy shrugs. “Maybe. I dunno.” 

“Shit.” I curse under my breath. “Shit, shit, shit.” And then slam my open palm against the wall because if I do so with the fist it might cause a ruckus and the last thing I need right now is dad yelling at me about how I’ve ruined his perfect little girl’s moment. “We’re fucked. Trudy we’re so fucking fucked.” 

I’m pacing. Hands buzzing, ears buzzing and I so desperately need a fucking drink or two or three and a whole strip of valium or maybe lorazepam or whatever Rose has suddenly decided to keep in her stupid little medicine cabinet. I jab my fingers in my head; I feel like I’m going to die - which isn’t new - I almost always feel like I am going to die, it comes with the job, but not like this. Never like this. 

“Rafe… Rafe baby what’s wrong? What’s going on with him?” I hear Sofia call out for, but she sounds like she’s so far away. Like she’s out there - safely tucked away on the surface while I am underwater and drowning. 

“I think he’s having a panic attack.” Trudy. Oh Trudy. Oh baby. I’m so sorry. I’m so so fucking sorry for dragging you into my shit-

I wake up in a room. My old room and very  quickly realize that Sofia is right there - inches away from the bed; body looking perfect in that bright orange dress and head turned towards the window. She’s looking at the ocean - something she can never do from our apartment or the shack she once used to call home. I feel myself getting tender suddenly. I want to pull her towards me, kiss her neck and face and tell her just how much she fucking means to me, but something keeps me tethered to the bed. 

We are so fucking fucked.

“Oh, you’re up.” Sofia beams the moment she notices I am awake and practically skips towards me. “I was so worried, baby. How are you feeling?” 

Good question - how am I feeling? 

Well, first of all, I have never ever before passed out from a panic attack. Second, I really don’t fucking know. Uneasy, maybe. Scared, most definitely. But I can’t tell her that. I can never tell Sofia that because Sofia doesn’t know what I’ve done. 

I watch her slide her perfect little body towards me; scooting herself right where I need her the most and inhale. She smells like vanilla and roses and I want to devour her right then and there. I start touching her like that - gently sliding my fingers over her bare arms and shoulders; pressing my lips on the nape of her neck before cupping one of her tits. 

“Rafe,” She squeals, laughing, “Your parents are downstairs.” 

“Better keep quiet then.” 

I realize the panic attack has helped me earn back all of my brownie points; even the ones most times I have to work trice as hard for. Sofia lets me fuck her from behind - raw and hard and honest, just the way I like. Our clothes stay on (Boo!) but at least she isn’t complaining about the whole no condom thing.

I can’t stop touching her - her thighs, her tits, her neck, her hair - and she’s so soft, so sweet and small and perfect, I want to disappear inside of her. Nothing like the way Trudy was when we used to fuck. But then again, Trudy and Sofia are completely different people. 

Sofia makes me work for it. 

Trudy just let me. 

“Look at you… fuck… look how good and tight you are. And so desperate. So fucking desperate for my cock. Tell me baby… tell me you’re desperate for my cock. Tell me please.” 

“Rafe…” Sofia moans. “You know I don’t like that.”

“I know baby, but please… please tell me…” I thrust into her softer, just the way she likes; coaxing and buttering her up for the real thing and there she is - relaxing under my touch, under my lips- 

“I’m so desperate for your cock.”

“Yeah you are.” I smile against her shoulder. “Good girl. You are such a good girl.” Suddenly I realize I’m speaking to her in the same way I used to speak to Trudy. Praising her. Teasing her. Making her beg for it. Except, Sofia never really begs for it. It’s always the other way around, so just out of curiosity, I slip myself out of her - eagerly waiting for her reaction, but all she does is hum. 

“That’s it?” She turns, looking at me with those stunning little doe eyes and I almost bust one out right then and there. 

“No.” I say sternly. Or at least, I try to. “I’m not putting it back in until you tell me you want it. Tell me you’re desperate for my cock.”

Sofia looks at me. Then, she furrows her brows, “I just told you…-”

“No. Not like that. Tell me you really want it.” 

She straightens. Her purple bra is peeking from underneath her dress and I wanna pull it off her body with my teeth. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah. I just… I like it when you beg for me.” 

Sofia purses her lips, something she always does when she is considering  something and it feels like it’s taking her ages, but when she finally says it I am so happy I want to do a cartwheel. “Please baby… please, please, please put your big, throbbing cock inside me. Like that?” 

“Yes, yes - just like that.” I make her beg some more. Slide her pretty panties to the side and soak my fingers into her perfect wet cunt. And boy is her cunt wet. Dripping really and it takes all three of my fingers with such ease, I have to stop and remind myself just how badly I want to be inside her again. 

I vigorously slide my desperate aching cock against her sopping folds; soaking it with her want before slamming it inside her throbbing wet pussy. Sofia yelps - loud and deliciously clear - and I have no other choice but to slap a palm against that pretty mouth of hers. 

She feels so good; better than ever and I can’t stop. I won’t stop. Fucking her gets me high. Makes me feel high and as long as I have her in my life I don’t need another drug. Well, that’s a lie. I still need drugs. To act. To forget. To cope. 

I flip Sofia on her stomach, hand still tightly pressed against her mouth, “You’re doing so good baby. Taking my cock so well. Just like the perfect good girl that you are.” And she is. She really is the most perfect girl. Despite the pouting and the complaining and the way she always makes me put a lot more effort into things. Into her.  

When I first met her - almost a year ago at the yacht club - I thought I’d found myself another Trudy.  She was kind, soft spoken and sweet. The exact kind of girl that completely melts when you tell her she is beautiful right after successfully tricking her into believing you’re not like the other guys. Once that happened, it didn’t take a lot of effort to get her out of that little uniform and straight into my bed. 

What took a lot of effort was me trying to convince her into going at it for a second round, to which she boastfully said, “I’m not a one-night stand kind of girl. If you want to fuck me again, you better take me out to dinner.” 

So I did. 

And here we are. 

Fucking like teenagers in my childhood bedroom. 

When I come - hard and deep inside her - her name is the first thing I slur against the crook of her neck. 

“What did you call me?” She says, eyes wide with surprise. 

Opening my mouth, I blink at her, but no words come out. 

I don’t think I remember, is almost what I’m gonna say but manage to stop myself before it’s too late. 

“Huh?”

“You said Rue.”

“What?”

“Who the fuck is Rue, Rafe?” 

Trudy.

Gertrude. 

Rue. 

I call her that because she always fucking ruins everything.

“Are you sure you heard me right?”

“I have ears don’t I?” 

I blink at her again. 

“I love you.” 

“What?”

“I love you.”

“I know that you do Rafe! Who the fuck is-”

“That’s what I said. When I nutted inside you. I told you: I fucking love you.” 

Now it’s Sofia’s turn to blink. 

Her mouth does that pouty thing again. 

And then she scrunches her nose, “Ew don’t say you nutted inside me. It’s gross.”

“Okay, baby.” She looks at me - all gold and shimmering - and fuck, I really do fucking love her.

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER

[not-poignant]

Hi! Okay, so I found you originally gods back in like, 2018? Maybe? Time is fake. Anyways you wrote my all time favorite fic, then I found you again recently through A Stain That Won't Dissolve and I am just absolutely devouring this one as much as the other.

My question is, I know you have you original works published (Which I just saw and had no idea about and will be thoroughly checking those out.) But, would you ever do physical copies of any of your AO3 stories? I'm guessing the answer is no on that and that's totally fine!! But the thought of having those fics in my grubby lil hands in the form of paper is such a satisfying thought. But I am just as happy having them in a lil folder in my chrome or downloaded to my phone completely.

Anyways I just need you to know that you are a gods damn holy being and I am so glad you exist because your writing gives me a reason to keep living ;-; thank you!

Hi anon!

So I won't ever do physical copies of my own fanfiction stories, unless I like commission a book binder to make some copies just for me.

But as for my original stories on AO3, I do really want to physically publish them. That was actually the plan for this year - to start doing this - but I hit what I like to call Mega Burnout, and struggled just to write, and have had to backburner a lot of stuff, a lot of plans. I started to edit Game Theory and then...yeah.

It is the plan though! It's become especially true actually with later stories like Underline the Black and Falling Falling Stars. I think these could be really good published as unconventional psychological fiction, and I don't mean 'really good' as in it will make me a lot of money - I don't think they will, Perth Shifters taught me that book publishing isn't for me if I'm doing it for finance reasons lmao - but I mean... just for the satisfaction of seeing my own fucking writing on my own bookshelves.

I'm weak, I want to see it somewhere where it feels substantial, and where I can hold it in my own hands, and it has a cover, and a proper copyright page, and an index. Where it can be not just in ebook form because AO3 will do that for you, but where it can exist for audiences who wouldn't touch AO3 with a 10 foot pole (because they like missing out on great stories or w/e).

It's very indulgent of me, but as I get older, I look at my bookshelves and increasingly think 'those folks who have enjoyed my stories - including me - should at least have the choice to put them on their shelves.'

If you're a bookbinder, or willing to print them out for yourself, and don't sell them in any way or form, you can of course do it for myself.

But it grows so much more important to me over time too. <3

[theblackwhitengrey]

Thunder here, pronouns she/her, and welcome to the bare bones blog for all fic-related stuff.

The plan is to use this to infodump certain Hatchetfield related headcanons and the Black, White and Grey AU (shared with @monstrousaffections1, who goes as Monstrous/ Marr) that is on AO3 in two ongoing fics (and hopefully more in the future).

It also is a good place to drop any questions y'all may have about this AU, anon or not. The ask box is open after all.

To put a short summary, The Black, White and Grey is an AU that kinda leans a little more into possibilities of how the Black and White functions and how it MAY eventually affect Hatchetfield, so it will involve obvious non-canon aspects specifically for our AU. Such as more adults having a form of Touch of Gift, some little exploration of things like the Hive mechanics, what Pokey stands to gain from this, so on and so forth. It will also have OCs, of human and non-human, which time will have to be made to explain each one of them. (I sure hope I remember this)

Things to note:

Updates are irregular. Adults have adult stuff and catching up irl to do.

Please read the tags of every fic we get to publish. If I have not clarified, assume any fic from us is dead dove material. Stuff I was raised on and exposed very early on in my childhood, and is as good as the norm from where we come from, and our generation.

Tags for easier search (for my own reminders as well, look down in the tags):

#persephone of apotheosis - Arc 1, where it's set in an alternate version of events when Apotheosis was underway, and instead of running it's course, it was eventually unsuccessful

#director's cut: school dayz - Prequel to Arc 1, where it explores why (probably how as well) the events of PoA are commencing the way it is, in typical horny teen fashion

A quote I shall leave here for all who do stumble on this blog:

Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster... for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you.

~Friedrich W. Nietzsche

(KIV, may add more to this as we go)

[rjthirsty]

Fanfic Writer Wrapped - 2024 Version!

I guess we're supposed to post this and let people ask us, but I don't want to mess with that stuff. Mainly because I don't think I'll get much interaction, but also because I just kind of want to answer these myself. Is that really so bad? So anyways, it's based off this post, and the OG author gets all credit for thinking up a million questions for me to answer. Thank you @asirensrage

2024 Fanfic Writing Reflections

What fic did you work on the most this year? Probably Deceit and Decay. It's a dark fic set in the Ikemen Prince world, staring my OC, Dahlia, who was Belle and never met the Conqueror Beast, Gilbert von Obsidian. In other words, he's gone off the deep end. 50,000 words, so far, about 20 chapters. Still a wip.

Did you have any fic writing goals? Did you meet them? Just to write more, so yeah, I met them. I work best with ambiguous, not SMART goals. I tried a lot of different ideas, and I had a lot of fun with them all.

How many fics did you work on this year? 50 published. There's probably another dozen still in my WIP folder, so maybe 60-ish?

How many new fics did you post this year? 49, I think? My long fic was started last year, so that takes one out, but otherwise I don't really know when I started and finished most fics. Sorry.

Did you update any old/previously posted fics this year? What were they? Sure. The Royal Lion is my first long fic (100,000 words, 30 chapters), and most of those were written in 2023. I just finished it in February or something.

Do you have a favorite fic you wrote? Nope. I'm not sure how I'd rate most liked to least liked with my fics.

What’s your favorite passage that you wrote this year? I can't remember what I said to someone yesterday, I certainly don't remember what I wrote over the last 12 months. I often read my work and go, "Wow! I wrote that?!" But I clearly did at some point.

Favorite line of dialogue this year? Nope, can't name that either. Sorry. Maybe I should have read these questions more than just skimmed them.

Favorite POV? (or rather what POV did you use the most this year?) Probably third person omniscient. I also wrote a lot of second person with reader-inserts, so I'm not sure which is more used for me.

Did you find yourself repeating a word or phrase in your writing this year? If so, what was it? Ahaha. Uh... probably something about panting or moaning. 80% of what I write is smut.

Cut for length. Numbers are going to reset. :(

How did you help other writers this year? (i.e. leaving comments, reviews, beta reading, offering advice, etc) All of the above. I leave comments on most things on ao3. I reblog on tumblr. I beta read a few times. I cheerlead. I helped when people requested advice for things. I talk through a lot of ideas with others. I love supporting other writers.

Did you receive any advice that resonated to you this year? Oh, hmm. Yes. "There aren't any rules in fanfiction." It's such a simple idea that everyone knows, but when I was fretting how to end my long fic so it could work with the next in the series I was going to write that didn't need to be connected to the current one, a friend said, "Why is this a problem?" Then she said the rules part and I was like, "Oh. Yeah. That's right." Like, we don't have to do anything at all to make the fanfic consumable commercially. That's not the point of fanfic. It's to write whatever we want and enjoy creating. Who cares if there are plot holes? Who cares if it's crack taken seriously? Nothing has to work between fics. There are no rules.

What did you enjoy most about writing fic this year? Trying out new styles and genres. Finding out what I like to write, and how I like to write.

What did you enjoy the least? Having too many ideas and not enough time.

Who was your favorite character to write for? My OC Emmit from my Ikemen Prince gender change AU. He's a fucking adorable bean and I loved bringing to life my first original character.

Did you have a song on repeat while writing this year? Nope. I tend to listen to a playlist of instrumental stuff, so nothing on repeat except the playlist.

Did you make any playlists for your fics this year? What are they? Oh, no. I'm not that creative. I'm very bad connecting music with characters.

What’s your favorite thing you made for your fic or character this year? (such as pinterest, moodboards, gifs, etc) Huhn. I hadn't considered that. I guess the banners for my fics listed on my masterlist. I like designing things.

What was your most commonly used tag for your fics (on ao3, tumblr, etc)? Ikepri fanfic on tumblr, and Gilbert von Obsidian on ao3.

Did you participate in any fic writing challenges this year? I did! I did a few things for Kinktober. I always go small with my goals.

What was your favorite comment/review you received this year? Oh... There were really too many amazing people that said nice things about the things I wrote about. From just screaming and keyboard smashing, to thoughtful analysis, I really loved reading them all.

What was your top-rated/commented fic this year? Oh! It's the same! "I'm Pregnant" with Ikemen Prince.

Were there any ideas you wanted to work on this year but you didn’t? YES! I wanted to write an IkePri fic about Belle leaving the castle and the king being unable to live without her. I wanted to start my Yves fic for the gender change AU. I wanted to write yandere fics with multiple characters. I wanted to write ships that only exist in my head. Waaaaah.

Were there any new fandoms or genres you explored this year? Yeah! I tried out fluff for the first time. I'm attempting a dark fic. I struggle with crack.

Is there anything you want to write or try to explore in your writing next year? How to evoke more emotion from others in my writing. I want people to fall in love reading about the characters I love. I want people to cry when the story is depressing. I want people to be impacted from my writing, thinking about it for days or weeks later.

Do you have a goal for next year? If so, what is it? Finish at least one long fic. Two are currently WIPs.

What are your hopes and/or desires for yourself and for other fic writers in the next year? To create more. For me that means I hope I'm not sick as often as the previous years. For others that means I want them to care less about what other people think, and just create. It's all beautiful no matter how you see it.

2024 Ao3 Specific Stats

How many people subscribed to you this year? (User subscriptions) 14

What were your total kudos this year? 491

How many comment threads were created on your fics? 54

How many people subscribed to your fics? 24

What was your word count posted on Ao3 this year? 279,255

How many hits overall on your fics this year? 9,803

What are your top 5 fics (in terms of hits) this year? Bonus: If you post fics on tumblr, using Tumblr Top! what fic has the most notes? (in total and that you posted this year) 1. "I'm Pregnant" with Ikemen Prince - 1,048 hits (multi chapter) 2. Deceit and Decay - 752 hits (multi chapter) 3. Between His Teeth - 691 hits (one shot) 4. Banging Birthday - 663 hits (one shot) 5. Belle's Gentle Beasts - 559 (multi chapter) Tumblr Top!: "I'm Pregnant" with IkePri. lol. 330 notes.

Did you discover any new fics or fic authors this year? A ton! I started my tumblr account this year, so I found the entire Ikemen Series fandom that hangs out on here. It turns out I've read some of them on ao3 already, but I met so many more.

What was your favorite fic to read this year? Oh geez. Pass. I can't even begin to make a favorite. I bookmark fics I love, and I love a lot.

Who was your favorite fic author this year? Can I say myself? lol. I probably read more of @scummy-writes stuff than anything else because we're both obsessed with Gilbert, but I did read several other fandoms and characters. @aquagirl1978 got me into Villains. @xxsycamore is an old favorite who keeps creating more IkeSeries stuff. @wistfulwanderingone created a Secret Santa gift that made me tear up. Aaaaahhhh! Just thinking about it again has me wanting to reread it for a fifth time.

What fics or authors would you recommend for others to discover and read in the next year? See above. I'm partial to anything with Gilbert von Obsidian from Ikemen Prince, but I love a lot of Ikemen Prince. And I enjoy dipping into other IkeSeries fanfics every now and then.

What advice would you have for people who might want to try writing or sharing their writing next year? Just write. Write messily. Write badly. Write in bullet points or through dialogue only. Write however works for you. You can always improve if you wish to improve, but you can't improve when there's nothing written. Turn off notifications if they give you anxiety. Don't even look back at the fic and what numbers it's doing if it's going to affect your mood. Seriously. Just post into the void. Let others fall in love with the people you love.

Any regrets? For writing? No. I regret that my health sucks and it keeps me from creating. I regret that I started writing so late in life. But when it comes to what I did and what I'm planning on doing and what I've put out, I'm so fucking proud of myself.

[actualbird]

happy new year kabayan!! 1, 2, 5, 6, 9, 18, 25 for the ao3 wrapped meme!! also you're one of the reasons I got back into TOT and it's a joy seeing your posts and fics around <3💜

wahhhh, hi hi elias!! and happy new year's eve to you too!!! im so honored to be have pspspspspsps'd u back into tot hehehehe, and im so happy to hear you like my works hHUUUUHUUUUU ;^;

u picked a lot of asks, lemme go thru em one by one >:3

1. How many words have you written this year?

A WHOPPING 48K, ACCORDING TO MY AO3 STATS

thats wild, i totally do not feel like i wrote that much. did i black out and post fics while unconscious at some point??? kJBLSKDJF

2. How many works did you publish this year?

10 fics!!! (and one (1) podfic)!!

it's much less than my previous years, but i was SUPPPERRRRR busy with IRL stuff this year so im trying my best not to beat myself up over it ;w;

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

OHHHHH definitely my Main Story 12 missing scene fic with marius and luke, "fail-safe"

personally i didnt feel very satisfied with how i executed the fic, but like, i posted it anyway because i needed the fic Out Of My House. and i wa surprised by the comments i got!!! it made me really happy to see that people liked my take on the missing scene, especially this comment that called it the Best Main Story 12 missing scene fic they read

HUHUUU //SOUNDS OF CRYING

6. Favorite title you used

for the laughs, it's definitely "that time the dragon chose me to be his mate!?!??" for being hilariously cheesy webtoon isekai title vibes HAHAHAHA

9. Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

mariluke

[nobody is shocked]

JBLKSBDFSDFDSF THEY JUST MEAN SO MUCH TO MEEEEEEE. it's definitely an OTP of mine thats gonna go down in my personal history books like. their impact cannot be understated. the more i write them, the more i love them :3

18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

ohhhhhh i primarily wrote mariluke fics this year, so i basically just ping pong'd between writing marius or luke, but marius is definitely more challenging for me to write, between the two of them. especially in the fic i mentioned earlier, "fail-safe"

it was challenging for me to figure out what would be going on in marius' head, in that situation....

25. Did you receive any gifts this year?

not yet!! but because of the @marilukeweek secret santa 2024 event, im due to get a fic gift soon and im SOOOOOO EXCITED FOR ITTTTTTTTTT //HEART EYESSSSS

[cannibalisticcorpse]

2024 fic round up game

What fandoms do you write in?

currently it is JUST dead boy detectives, but DC fandom & x-men still have my mind, body & dick

How many words have you published in 2024?

ao3 says 367,000 words, but that's only posted stuff & doesn't count what im going to write this month night. i have AT LEAST 30k words of unposted stuff and wrote well over 60k words last month, so... come back later XD

What is your greatest achievement this year?

the friends I've made :] also finally writing stuff i actually want to write

What are your top three fics you’ve written this year?

oh mama chaptered, unfinished, RPF, romcom

good luck chaptered, unfinished, payneland, coming of age

AND ONE I'VE BEEN ADVISED TO NOT CLAIM PUBLICLY SO INSTEAD WE'LL SAY-

i wish it was summer oneshot, completed scott/warren, hanahaki/college roommates/enemies to lovers/band au

What have you learned?

some improvements on prose/word usage for artistry in writing, also that u can cum w a soft dick

What fic did you want to do but never made it off the ground?

ough my crossovers.. red dwarf/dbd & suits/dbd

Did you beta any fics? Any favs you want to shout out?

i should 😭 skylie & craftee i will get to you!!!!

What ideas are percolating for next year?

tattoo bdsm idea for payneland... it'll be a good one.

Who do you want to thank?

@handwrittenhello you know what you did to me

@agerblade for encouraging my degeneracy

@voiidvagabond & @chronically-pansy og rexstrevri nation ❤️

Other shoutouts:

ALL THE BRATS!!!! MY BESOTTED BRATS!!!! EW, MONTY. YOU'RE NOT BESOTTED BY THAT LITTLE BRAT, ARE YOU?? WE ARE!!!!!

tagging: anyone who wants to play!! @gayboydetectivez @aceofturtles and @littlechameleonguy 💪❤️

[sangrefae]

🌷 Writing Patterns 🌷

i was tagged by my bff @sangrientojoe tysm..... 💖💖💖

Rules: Share the first line of your last ten published works or as many as you are able and see if there are any patterns!

i only have 8 published works, discounting the two fics that are a collection of scattered drabbles, so i'll include two exclusive wip lines to make it 10 dfhbfjkdbfg

"'It's this challenge, apparently, a test of your restraint or some such bullshite...'" (FFXIV: in the purgatory of my hips [18+], unfortunately indefinitely TBC until i feel motivation again ghjkl;)

"Though having only closed them for a fraction of a heartbeat, Elinor opens his eyes to an entirely unfamiliar world." (FFXIV: a bit of chemical haze)

"Elinor stares at his hands as he sits in the grass outside Stillglade Fane, waiting." (FFXIV: i love you for psychological reasons)

"The wind around them howls, buffeting Shrimme and making it that much more difficult to find her quarry. A moment longer, though, and she quickly spots it; a victorious noise in the back of her throat, she reaches to grab the last frosty stalks left behind by the icetrap she'd hit with the aetheromatic auger and dutifully stuffs them into her bag." (FFXIV: a fever you can't sweat out, a comm'ed fic for @radicrow [18+])

"The large double doors that stand as the entrance to Skysteel Manufactory close behind Aymeric with a clatter, briefly overtaking the rhythmic racket of machinery that near constantly fill the air. It's a distinctive enough sound around the western parts of Foundation, enough so that some residents complain of the incessant clatter, but Aymeric has never found reason to draw close enough for it to have any effect on him." (FFXIV: wine and dine [18+])

"Stephanivien woke again to the sound of crying." (FFXIV: and i believe that you will see a better day)

"The steady bounce of the chocobo's running gait soothes something within F'toren, the rocking sensation steeling his nerves. Behind him, he can hear Haurchefant's chocobo keeping up the pushed pace, his love's voice still clear through the cleaving wind of the approaching storm. Toren shivers, his shoulders raising and ears flattening against his head as if to protect himself from the biting chill, and urges the bird forward." (FFXIV: acts of servitude, a gift fic for elliekat on ao3 [18+])

"For all his years being the Ishgardian Prince’s personal guard, Aymeric had never been able to see Ser Estinien Wyrmblood’s face." (FFXIV: steel blue, a gift fic for petrarchanconceit on ao3)

"Falin smiles softly at the older kobold woman as she approaches the worn counter, key in hand and bags slung carelessly over her shoulder. It's still early, but the dim space of the tavern is marked by the bustle of activity; carefully, Falin makes her way across the floor, murmuring apologies and excusing herself as she pushes past bodies." (dungeon meshi: unnamed WIP, centered around Falin during her travels after the manga finishes)

"For all intents and purposes, it's a perfectly normal omelet. The egg is nice and fluffy, rolled expertly into bite-sized portions easy to pick up. Beyond the dubious sourcing of the eggs themselves, the plate is clean, the pot they had been cooked on as sanitary as he could hope for, and nothing looks especially suspicious or threatening." (dungeon meshi: i'm sick of swallowing stones, a kabru-centric WIP focused on his issues w food and eating)

as for patterns...... i either go with a one-liner to try and get over the hurdle of Starting the story OR i do a little scene description. i kind of just. jump straight into the action no matter what though bc otherwise i'll get too off-track LMAO

i tag @scriberat @vesperaevis @lavampira @athina-blaine @solibrie and anyone else who wants to do this ehehe

[bobtheacorn]

2024 Writing Roundup

tagged by @goodlucktai !

Words Posted:

round abouts 25k! i actually worked on AND published more than i did last year! so that's kind of exciting! 2023 was..... ROUGH buddy! 2024 was kinder 😊💜

Additional Words Written:

*gestures vaguely* at least twice that. probably

Fandoms:

Digimon

Rise of the TMNT

Usagi Yojimbo

Sonic the Hedgehog 

Highest kudos + Highest Hit One-Shot:

warmly in the dark taking the W for both!! by like, a LOT lmao not Technically a one-shot but idc

New Things I Tried:

I don't know that i was particularly adventurous this year, at least writing wise. I wrote the same sort of fics for the same sort of characters that i'm always obsessed with lmao Apart from starting (or at least working on) some ambitious (lengthy) projects, I stayed pretty much firmly in my wheel house. But i did spend genuinely most of the year prepping for and then actively moving to a new state so. That's a new thing!

Fic I Spent The Most Time On:

GOD the fic i spent THE MOST TIME ON was that. Goddamn. Leosagi fic…. that still isn't done. When I started splitting it into multiple docs and then into multiple folders to even keep the timeline straight, when I started actively feeling like this guy

any time i worked on it - i set it down lmao. Girl it's not that deep. You are thinking too hard abt all of this. It is a silly self indulgent fanfic you are writing FOR FUN it do not need to be so goddamn pedantic. Sometimes u just gotta let stuff cook a lil longer in your brain before u try and get 'em out and that's fine

Fic I Spent The Least Time On:

meager and infinite, bro the way i sat down and wrote that straight out in like an hour. actually insane to me lmao I'm surprised that i managed to do that with a couple of fics this year, where when i actually had the TIME to just sit and write, i cruised 'em out in just a couple of days! So that's been nice! 💜

Favourite Thing I Wrote:

Soft spot in my heart for pop. I got really nostalgic abt digimon (like I do every 5-10 years lmao) and there was actually a lot of new stuff that came out right around the time my brother and I rewatched it (or stuff had already come out that we got to catch up on)! I feel like Tai got waaayyyy to much attention in Adventure 2020 but damn if he don't live in my mind rent free. my fav guy.

Favourite Thing(s) I Read:

I have so many ao3 subscription emails that i haven't even opened 💀

I know i read You should TOTALLY kill that guy, my liege by waywardwitchcat at least five times bc it's so funny and insane i'm for real obsessed w it aslkdjaslk it just GIVES! it gives Everything so casually, the comfort kinkfic of all time lmao

also (not fanfic related but) I listened to the audiobook for This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone and oh my god Oh my GODDDD if you haven't read it, do it; if you can listen to the audiobook, specifically, DO IT.

Writing Goals for 2025:

Think I wanna try and hit at least 200/400 words a day. I want to buckle down on FINISHING STUFF, and i want to actively try to set aside Actual Time to Write.

New Works:

Pop sequel, project Aster, the "apparently witches hold grudges" series, and oh my GOD the Mariko fic I wrote 5k for and then FORGOT EXISTED until i was just now browsing through my folders 💀💀💀 the brain fog is REAL. anyway, those are where im gonna be putting the brunt of my efforts unless something hits me sideways!

Tagging: @plothooksinc @radishhqueen @sroloc--elbisivni @crows-murder if yall wanna 💜

[lavendelhummel]

First sentences

I was tagged by @tryingthisfangirlthing for this:

Tag Game: Share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written less than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway!

Thank you! This is a great game! Ten is a lot! I’ll try not to ramble and overexplain about each too much but— well, you know me. Diving straight in (pun intended for this first one):

Jump: Underwater space moves differently. On rescue missions time passes differently. And yet Myka always dives. She jumps. (this is currently a wip (7/11 chapters), B&W lifeguard AU)

Springball: Nerys liked Jadzia. (hahaha, lol, what’s new?! This is a Kiradax fic! a oneshot, my first and only startrek fic!)

Cacao: And they happily lived ever after. The tales are old, even older than Helena, some of them at least, and they are ubiquitous. Different languages make for different endings: And they lived happily ever after, and they lived happily until the end of their days, and they married and had many children, and they lived for a long time and were happy; and if they haven’t died they live on still. (This was a gift fic for @kla1991 for this years B&W gift exchange and is more abstract than what I usually post)

Pretty Picture: Moving overseas means you cannot take many knick-knacks with you. (B&W AU oneshot, Helena moves and needs decorations, she crafts them from old magazines she finds in the library Myka works at)

Fly Me To The Moon: “Remember what you did to me in London?” Myka asks. “Do you still have some of that stuff?” She is stretching her body to its lengths and turns her head to look at Helena, observe her reaction. “Why, do you want to fly to the moon?” They are laying in bed, next to one another, both nude and with sweat having cooled down enough already, that Helena has pulled up the covers to their waists. Now she turns to face Myka. (Yeah, okay I got obsessed with the idea of cavorite last year, what about it? I still think this one would be fun to have a smutty sequel, but don’t feel capable to write that genre. But I alluded! Yay!)

Laundry Day: “Why are there so many stairs here?” Pete groaned. “Are you sure, you didn’t add in a few just to annoy me since the last time I was here?” (My fav of all my fics!! Also this line does not represent it at all! Mermaid!Helena falls from the washing machine Myka and Pete are carrying up the stairs to Myka’s apartment here)

Yellow: She was nervous. Of course, she was nervous. Nervous as hell. (Most recent… this was the first long-fic I wrote. The first to be taken half-seriously. The second if you count published works to ao3. But I updated it last year for a probably final time. It follows Moiraine and Siuan on their journey through medical university, originally planned the whole way through and beyond but I didn’t feel it anymore so it’s the first 8 semesters and they end in a happy place so it doesn’t feel unfinished at all to me — and the nervousness in that line is because this is the traveling to a new life for baby!Siuan. I changed POVs in this fic in ways I wouldn’t anymore. I think during this my writing improved so the first chapter line takes me back.)

Flower crowns: The car had broken down. Calls had been made, Helena had gotten furious that she wasn’t allowed to be the one to fix it, and a real, certified mechanic had shown up. (also not representative in the way that this is the most fluffy fluff thing where the warehouse crew has a lovely afternoon after this unfortunate car breaking. This was a gift fic for @lilolilyr)

The Bering and Wells Advent Calendar 2023: Never fall for your flatmate (I’m just gonna put these in one bc it was one story): I wrote Day 1: The box contained books, Myka was sure of it. Day 13: Shower! Necessary! Day 22: Myka Bering is hiding. And Day 23: “Well–” “Well, wasn’t this lovely?” Abigail and Helena speak up at the same time. “Lovely,” Abigail echoes. 

The earth that spins and spins and spins: “Ugtta ee hhomnmtig,“ Pete had said. Myka had stared at him. Then, when had swallowed his apparently hot bite of pizza and formed the actual words, "You gotta be romantic, Mykes!", she had stared at him some more.(Also not representative. It’s from Myka’s POV, but about Helena discovering a 20th century poet (Jacques Prévert, who else?) and dealing with her grief. This was my first B&W fic and I love these poems and also Helena and Myka! It’s a bit cheated, bc there were two written and posted the same time: vacation with @lilolilyr and we each wrote one oneshot alone and one together and posted all three at the same time. On the list the one we wrote together is after this one: Drunken Considerations: Helena curses modern alcoholic beverages. But I think Lilo wrote that line so I picked the other fic.)

Woah, ten is a lot! And with mentioning both and the calendar ones as one, this is the complete list of my B&W fics too. I had hoped to get through to my Siuaraine fics as well here. But I wrote too much B&W :(? First line from Siuaraine mermaid fic not on here :((? Also not that iconic first line that lives rent free in my head but never got written down for the other siuaraine mermaid au :(((?

Tell me your first lines! Or not! only if you want to! I am tagging the two writers already mentioned above and @trollocks-in-my-bollocks @onaperduamedee @purlturtle @madronash @anandabrat @lakeofsilverpike @hecatesbroom @thatordinaryoddity. That’s then people as well! Ten is so much! How do I know so many cool writers?! Amazing! <33

[its-all-papaya]

l absolutely promise to remember that this is old writing for you lol

Coming from a fellow writer, I know how brutal it can be to look back on old works/writing especially when you know your writing has improved/changed over time.

Quite honestly I’d be shocked if you DID like every single thing you’ve wrote.

Something that helped me a lot in the beginning when I was struggling with this was to look at those older chapters and use it to recognize your growth as a writer. Because your writing IS different now and you WERE a different writer in the past.

It might feel brutal to read or post something knowing it isn't your best work BUT as the fic goes on it can become a physical example of your growth.

I hate a lot of the old stuff I wrote. Like- it's straight up embarrassing and the thought of people reading it makes me want to crawl in a hole. BUT. I keep those works on my account bc they show how I’ve grown.

I know this likely doesn’t help anything, I’ve been exactly where you are and it’s no fun lol. But I hope it can maybe give you another perspective to consider as this fic goes on.

-og :)

the problem is like.... i DON'T have other writing like this?? aside from the cursed lestappen, i'm genuinely still proud of everything i've put on ao3. and probably i'll be fine about this one too once it's all the way out, it's the releasing the early chapters on their own that's eating at me bc it's like FORCING me to reread the parts i hate. idk!! again, i know i get super self-critical when i'm hungry and tired and that's probably what's going on, but also i've been very mehhhh about ch 3 since like... christmas. and i just don't know how to fix it without upsetting the progression of the entire rest of the fic!

i think the ticket here is that i approached it w the goal of getting landoscar into a relationship instead of my usual fic process which is "what if lando norris was having Thoughts and oscar was there?" and so they both end up doing things as a means to get them where i want them to be, and not because i actually think that lando or oscar would do those things if they were in those situations.

idk!!! impossible to tell how good your own work is while you're in the middle of publishing it probably. i'm not really sure what i'm going to do about chapter 3 but probably i should consume some protein before i make that decision.

ty og sorry i am ornery and like to complain and do not ever want to be actually helped...

[grapenehifics]

20 Question Fic Writer Tag

Hell yeah I'll play. Thanks @palfriendpatine66 :D

How many works do you have on ao3?

AO3 says ten, but one of those is a series continuation of another one, so I count it as nine...although tomorrow that will go up by one, after the reveals for the Ghost Window challenge go out.

2.) What's your ao3 word count? 

Oh god. 690,376. I honestly think I was happier not knowing that fact about myself.

3.) What fandoms do you write for? 

I don't multitask well. I can write Star Wars fics or I can write Star Wars fics. I haven't even ventured outside the Clone Wars era yet.

4.) What are your top five fics by kudos?

Some Technical Difficulties - big gap - Solsbury Hill - An Uncivil War - medium-sized gap - An Unlikely Duo - another gap-ish - Down by the Seaside.

5.) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yep. I like it when authors reply to me when I leave a comment, so I try to pay it forward. Also sometimes we get into fun little side chats.

6.) What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

At the moment, not one single damn one of them. They have angst in them, but none of them end on angst. However as of about twenty-four hours from now, my answer will be, Ghost Window AU.

7.) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Literally all of them. I'm happy to read angst, but when it comes to writing I am firmly in the happy endings camp.

8.) Do you get hate on fics?

I had some people tell me they were dropping out of Solsbury Hill because it wasn't getting to the Obikin fast enough, but I wouldn't call that hate. So, no.

(Side note, though: you don't have to tell authors that. Just delete your subscription quietly.)

But, I am also very ready to delete any and all negative comments. This is my fun side project; good vibes only.

9.) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

...pretty vanilla kind, honestly. Again, I read much more adventurously than I write. (Although, as recently as two years ago I would have said I don't write smut at all, so hit me up two years from now and maybe I'll be writing hardcore d/s, I don't know.)

10.) Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

By the strict definition, no. If you're talking 'dump Star Wars characters into settings of other movies', then hell yeah, that's kind of my jam right now. Down by the Seaside is Obikin Overboard. Next year I'm planning to publish Obikin Jurassic Park, Obikin Parent Trap, and Obikin Princess Diaries II. And I have a couple more on my to-do list.

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Is this a thing I need to worry about?? Shit.

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated?

@kittonafoxgirl did a podfic of Some Technical Difficulties and it is still like one of the top five most rad things that has ever happened to me; does that count?

13.) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No but @fulcrum843 are currently mulling something over...

I do get a lot of help with my writing though. @piecesofeden11 basically wrote all the DnD stuff in An Unlikely Duo. I talk stuff out on Tumblr with folks all the time before I actually sit down to write it (or during, lol).

14.) What's your all time favorite ship?

I have no plans to write anything other than Obikin, and there's so much new good fic that it takes up most of my reading time as well.

15.) What's a WIP you'd like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I wouldn't call it a WIP because there are no words on a page but I love the *idea* of a fic based on Jenn Barkley from Parks & Rec but have no idea what direction to take it and may never get to it. (If anyone wants to take this idea and run with it please do; it is very much up for grabs!)

16.) What are your writing strengths?

This is a weird thing to answer about myself but I hope I write with a sense of movement, propulsion, even a little suspense - as a reader I love to feel that I have to turn the page, I have to see what comes next, I don't want to put this fic/book down - and I try to work towards that goal in my own writing.

17.) What are your writing weaknesses?

Getting bogged down in details. It drives me crazy in movies when characters have these huge mansions but seemingly never go to work and somehow this has translated into me being incapable of just writing a smutty one-shot or whatever because what is everyone's job and how much is their mortgage payment and do they get paid on Fridays or Mondays and how many bedrooms does that apartment have.

18.) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

See answer above about over-complicating things: I came up with this whole system for An Uncivil War for whether I'm writing out the dialogue in a language other than Basic (I feel like we really only have enough information for me to be able to do this in Huttese and Mando'a, and even then only short conversations in certain subjects), or simply noting that a character is saying something in another language ("he said in Ryl" or whatever), or mixing Basic and a word/words in another language within the same sentence. It was important to me to capture that multilingualism, but it's also a lot of work, ngl.

19.) First fandom you wrote for?

Technically Johnlock but I never finished/published anything.

20.) Favorite fic you've ever written?

I love all my babies equally, she lied.

It's the Can't Stop the Suns series, which is An Uncivil War, Pick Up the Pieces (more than halfway completed), and Sometimes Fate Steps In (loosely outlined). Sometimes I'll just look over my notes and get giddy about how much good stuff I'm packing in there and how much *more* good stuff I haven't even gotten to yet. I'm throwing the kitchen sink of stuff I love at it. Even if the final version doesn't quite live up to the vision I see in my head (it rarely does), as long as I get close I'll be happy.

I tag @piecesofeden11, @underacalicosky, @fulcrum843, and, as usual, anyone else who feels up for it!

[ravenclaw-writes]

Don't Mess With Moony

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Sirius Black

Description:

Remus has been in love with Sirius for ages, but lately, Sirius has been getting on his nerves.

OR

Sirius tries to flirt but Remus is painfully oblivious.

Word Count: 10,727

Original Publish Date: 2021-04-06

A/N: Heyo! Here's fic no. 2 from my AO3-to-tumblr transfer. Hope you like! Feel free to check out my other stuff either on here as I start to upload or on my AO3 where they already live :)

| MASTERLIST IN BIO |

| Read on AO3 |

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Now, Remus Lupin would deny it to anyone who asked, but he had what was probably the biggest crush that was humanly possible on Sirius Black. He was able to deny it because, unlike James Potter, he did not go around moping about his unrequited love. Instead, he kept it bottled up inside and only allowed himself to indulge when the rest of the Marauders were sound asleep and he could have a quick wank to the thought of whatever ridiculously sexy thing Sirius had done that day. It was fine, he told himself. He had a system that worked.

While yes, Remus had irrevocably fallen for Sirius, that did not mean that the boy in question couldn’t get under his skin. And under his skin did he get.

Sirius, James, Peter, and Remus were all sitting in the Common Room. It was late and all Remus wanted to do was crawl into his bed and pass out. He was trying to decide if he had enough energy to wank to the fresh images of Sirius in his new black nail polish (he should really send a thank you card to Andromeda). James was on his back in front of the fire, Peter had claimed the armchair and Remus and Sirius had the sofa. Sirius decided that he wanted to take up as much room as possible, which Remus did not appreciate. He also did not like to be this close to Sirius as the clock ticked closer to his designated Wanking Hour.

Remus was tired, a little horny, his hip was acting up because of his awkward position on the couch, and on top of that a little agitated by the approaching moon. Logically, he knew that he could just tell his friends this (minus the horny part, obviously), but Remus hated bringing attention to anything that came along with his lycanthropy, despite the validity. Remus was hoping that maybe Peter would say something first, or maybe Lily would come down and tell them to go to sleep. James would, and does, do anything that woman says. But unfortunately, she did not.

“What about you, Moony?” James asked.

Remus turned back into the conversation. “Sorry, didn’t catch that.”

“Come on Moons, any Valentine’s Day plans?” Sirius teased, toeing at Remus’ hip. His bad hip. Remus held in a hiss of pain.

“Nope,” He said, popping the ‘p’.

“Oh, come on Moony, surely you’ve got your eyes on someone!” James said, turning his head to look at him.

“I’ll probably just spend it in the Library, if I’m honest,” Remus shrugged, avoiding the question, because yeah, he did have his eyes on someone. A certain grey-eyed, black-haired, illegal-animagus someone.

James shook his head in disbelief. “Oh, come on, you can’t seriously mean that. This is the first year we’ve all got dates! It’s only fair that we find you one!”

“All?” Remus really wished he had been paying attention earlier. He knew Peter was seeing someone, a Hufflepuff whose name he didn’t bother to remember, James and Lily were “finally official”, but Sirius? Since when was he seeing someone?

As if reading his mind Sirius smirked. “Yes, yes, I know. First Valentine’s Day in my glorious 18 years on Earth that I actually have plans.”

“Yeah, but you still won’t tell us her name,” Peter piped up.

Sirius flipped his hair dramatically. “Unlike some of us, I don’t kiss and tell.” Remus tried to hide his disappointment. He didn’t need the visual of Sirius and Mystery Girl kissing in his head right now.

“Don’t think too highly of yourself, Black, Remus doesn’t kiss and tell either,” James teased.

“Wait, Remus, you’ve kissed someone?” Peter asked, sitting up straighter. All eyes were suddenly on Remus. Thanks for bringing me into this, Prongs.

Remus shrugged. He’d only ever kissed one person. It was last year, Charlie, a Ravenclaw prefect who had stayed late after one of Remus’ Library Study Sessions. Remus didn’t even know Charlie was gay. But as it turns out he was very gay as they had done a lot more than kiss, specifically a few times in the prefects’ bathroom. Remus felt bad because truthfully, he was really only using Charlie as a sexual outlet for his pent-up Sirius Feelings. The night he called it off was also the night that James caught him sneaking back into their dorm. Remus did not confirm or deny James’ suspicions and since it was never brought up again Remus had assumed that James was still half asleep and had simply forgotten. It appeared that that was not the case.

“Details, Moony! Details!” Sirius kept toeing at Remus’ bad hip, a little harder this time.

“There aren’t any, let’s move on,” Remus tried to ignore the pain he was in and also direct the conversation away from himself.

“It was last year, I caught him sneaking back into the dorm,” James smiled, proud of himself. Remus flipped him the bird but all James did was laugh.

“And you didn’t TELL ME?” Sirius was taken aback. He sat up straighter and, in the process, pushed his feet into Remus. Remus tried to calm his breathing but fuck, that hurt.

“Didn’t know you were so interested in Moony’s love life, Pads,” James raised an eyebrow. Remus could have sworn he saw the beginnings of a blush on Sirius’ cheeks. “Besides, not mine to tell.”

“You can at least tell us who it was,” Peter reasoned. No, Remus thought. That’s the last thing that I want to tell you. Well, actually the last thing would be the details on how hard I fucked -

“I’ll bet it was someone from your ‘study sessions’. Those girls are always throwing themselves over you,” James laughed and pitched his voice up, “Oh, Remus, you’re so smart! Remus, you’re such a great teacher! Remus, I want you to bend me over this desk and -”

“They do not say that!” Remus interrupted, not wanting James to finish that sentence.

“They might as well!” Peter exclaimed. “That’s why I stopped coming, mate, it was painful to watch.”

Remus felt himself redden. No, there was no way that was true.

“Awe, Moony’s embarrassed,” Sirius teased, poking at his hip again, this time with more purpose.

“Would you stop that?” Remus snapped, turning to look at Sirius. All laughter in the room stopped. “You’ve been poking at my hip all night and it really fucking hurts, ok?”

Sirius shrunk into the couch. “Sorry, I- I didn’t realize it was your bad-”

“I’m going to bed.” Remus decided. He already killed the mood, and he was done talking about his not-plans for Valentine’s Day. It was a stupid holiday anyway, only useful for the February 15th sale on sweets at Honeydukes.

Remus stood up and had to grab the arm of the couch when he lost his balance after putting weight on his bad side. Sirius reached out as if to catch him, but Remus jerked away. He left the now silent Common Room and limped up the stairs to the dorm.

____________

It took Remus an unfortunate amount of time to cool down after that night. Luckily his friends were willing to brush it off, associating it with the upcoming moon. Said moon came and went and they were all back to normal. Remus had almost forgotten about Valentine’s Day. Almost.

As usual, the Great Hall was fully decked out. Normally, Remus didn’t really mind. Valentine’s Day was never his favourite day of the year, but he always secretly looked forward to seeing Lily turn down James after whatever stunt he decided to pull. This year was different. For starters, James and Lily were dating now so he didn’t have the shut down to look forward to. Peter was always hit or miss. He was the first of the four of them to have a proper girlfriend. Sirius tried to argue that he should hold that title, but James said hookups don’t count. If you do count Sirius, then technically James was the last to have a proper relationship as Remus beat him to it with Charlie last year. But then again, if it was proper girlfriends they were competing for, Remus could guarantee that he would never even place. He hoped that Sirius wouldn’t make it to the podium either.

Remus trudged through the day, it was rather uneventful as far as Valentine’s Day goes. He saw more action in the hallways this past Christmas when someone enchanted mistletoe to hang above certain archways around the castle. Remus was certain it was James looking for any excuse to show off his new relationship with Lily, but he never admitted to it.

He would never outright say it, but Remus was avoiding Sirius. At first, it wasn’t intentional, Sirius refused to get out of bed with the rest of them so their paths didn’t cross until lunch, but Remus did start going out of his way to take different routes to class not wanting to put a face to Mystery Girl. In his mind, she was extremely ugly. Or maybe bore a striking resemblance to a certain teenage werewolf. Remus was not ready to face the truth that she was probably the most gorgeous woman with the most womanly body and melodic woman voice. Someone the complete opposite of a gangly, scarred … man. He wasn’t sure why he was getting so worked up over this. Sirius has been involved with girls before. Remus has no reason to think that Sirius was anything other than straight. But something about the fact that Sirius had made plans with her on Valentine’s Day made his heart sink. So, Remus took the long way to class. He skipped lunch, had early dinner. He threw himself down on the couch in the empty Common Room.

It was sad, really. Moping around like a girl. Maybe then he’d be interested, Remus thought. He lazily flicked his wand and set the kettle on its way to the fire. He was really more of a coffee person, but Lily always made him feel better with a cup of tea when he got into “one of his moods”. He guessed that his current state did fall into that category. He reluctantly got off the couch to look through the cabinet of mugs for his personal favourite. The collection of mugs in Gryffindor Tower was secretly one of Remus’ favourite parts of the Common Room. Students could bring their own mug if they desired and most of them ended up just leaving them in the cabinet even when they left the school. Going through them was like flipping through a guest book of Gryffindors past. Remus’ favourite had the most obnoxious colour pallet with random shapes and designs. However, it one of the biggest and had the best handle for his big hands.

He was in the middle of flicking through the second shelf when he heard footsteps coming down from the dorms. “Moony?”

Great. He had gone all day not interacting with Sirius and now they were alone in the Common Room. “Not at dinner?” Remus asked, turning his head to face Sirius. Mistake. Sirius was wearing the pair of ripped jeans that frequently appeared in Remus’ dreams and a loose fitting maroon button-up with the first few buttons undone. His hair was still a little damp, he must have just gotten out of the shower because Remus could smell the soap he always used, even from across the room. This shouldn’t be allowed, Remus thought. He is not allowed to look this good. Remus noticed the hint of a blush on Sirius’ cheeks. “Getting ready for tonight then?” Remus turned his head back to looking through the mugs and tried to inconspicuously adjust his trousers.

“Finishing touches, yeah,” Remus heard Sirius start walking closer. The kettle started to hiss just as Remus was giving up on finding his mug. Some idiot first year probably used it. He grabbed a random one with a massive handle off the shelf. Huh. Surprisingly, it also fit his hand. This might have to be his new backup. Remus grabbed a tea bag and went back towards the fire.

Sirius had spread himself across the couch. When Remus turned his eyes flicked to the mug in his hand and he broke out into a grin. Remus gave him a questioning look as he began to pour the hot water into the mug. “That’s mine.”

Remus almost dropped the kettle. He turned to face Sirius. “What?”

Sirius’ smile widened. “Yeah, I brought it this year.” Remus looked down at the mug in his hands. He hadn’t really been paying attention to what he had grabbed but now, paying more attention he let out a low chuckle. The mug was all black, decorated with a pattern of white stars. “Get it? James and I went to some muggle shops over the summer and I just had to buy it. Leave my mark, y’know? Sirius Black, the Gryffindor.” Sirius shrugged. Remus didn’t want to get soft right now. He wanted to be able to have a reason to be mad at Sirius to justify his avoidance. But instead, all he got was another reason to love him. “It also has one of those giant handles that I know you like so I was hoping that you would be able to stop using the absolute eyesore that you normally do.” Merlin, fuck, Sirius! You can’t just say things like that!

Remus, unable to formulate words decided to nod his head and make his way to the armchair. “So, uh, what are your plans for tonight?” He asked, not really wanting to know but figured he owed Sirius the decency to at least seem like he was interested.

Sirius shrugged. “What about you?” He asked, dodging the question.

Remus decided not to press. Surely, he wasn’t stood up by Mystery Girl? “Homework, I think.”

Sirius laughed. “You and your bloody homework.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Sirius started to backtrack. “No, no, nothing wrong with it, I just can’t help but think you should be putting yourself out there!” Merlin’s beard, he was not about to have this conversation with Sirius.

“I don’t know, I rather like my routine.” It wasn’t a full lie. He was content with the routine, but he wouldn’t mind if the person to ruin it was the one sitting across from him.

“Moony, you can’t seriously expect me to believe that!” Remus shrugged in response, sipping his tea. “What about that girl from last year James was talking about?”

“I didn’t confirm anything that James said that night.”

“Merlin, work with me here!” Sirius was getting annoyed.

“Maybe I don’t want a girlfriend, alright?” Remus snapped. Immediately, he regretted it. He hoped that Sirius took it as “I don’t want a girlfriend right now” and not “I don’t want a girlfriend because I’m a raging homosexual who’s absolutely in love with you”. The silence before Sirius’ response was telling Remus it might be the latter.

“Moony,” Sirius paused, as if he was choosing his next words very carefully. “Are you -”

“Look, why don’t you just go on your date ok? I’m fine alright, just drop it.” Remus realized that interrupting Sirius was probably a red flag, but he just wanted to be left alone right now.

Sirius relaxed his face. “I was thinking I might just spend the night with you, actually,” he shrugged. Remus was getting mad.

“Sirius, stop. Go on your date, don’t be an asshole, you can’t stand a girl up on Valentine’s Day!” Remus stood up, he wanted this conversation to end. If Sirius wasn’t going to leave then he was.

Sirius sat up, his hair was ruffled from drying a little while pressed against the couch. Remus tried not to think about how his hair might look similar after sex. “Where are you going?”

Remus sighed, putting his mug down on the end table. He was no longer in the mood for tea. “I’m going upstairs because I have work to do, you’re being an idiot, and I’m done getting your pity!” He started to make his way to the stairs.

Sirius hopped off the couch and followed him. “What do you mean, my pity?”

Remus huffed and turned around. “You know exactly what I mean! You’re going to bunk off getting laid to spend time with me? I’m not that fucking lonely for Merlin’s sake!” Remus started back up the stairs without waiting for a response. He reached for the door to their dorm but Sirius called ou after him.

“Wait, stop!”

Remus opened the door and started to make his way over to his bed only to see that he could not throw himself on it like he had hoped because someone piled various types of chocolates and sweets on it. He quickly turned to see Sirius standing in the doorway. “Did you do this?” He snapped.

Evidently, this was not the reaction Sirius was hoping for because his face fell. “Well, yeah. I mean I was hoping you wouldn’t be pissed at me when you saw but I know you like to buy sweets on the 15th so I thought since tomorrow’s a Hogsmeade trip it might be too busy, so I-” Sirius was getting red.

Remus, unfortunately, was still on edge and was not able to see the gesture for what it was and instead, it only added to his anger. “Merlin’s beard, I’m not your fucking charity case, Black!”

Sirius jolted. He quickly regained his senses and seemed to be inching closer to how Remus was feeling. “I never said you were!”

“Well, you might as well have!”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Fucking hell, you just can’t take it when someone does something nice for you, is that it? Stop feeling so bloody sorry for yourself and maybe you’ll see that people actually care about you!”

“Just fuck off, ok? Go enjoy your date, romance her with a shag in a broom cupboard, why don’t you?”

“Fine, I’ll go. But you’re being a right prick, you know that?”

Remus turned back to his bed. He heard Sirius scoff and then the door closed.

Remus sighed. That could have gone a lot better. He looked down at the pile of sweets. Really, it was nice of Sirius to think of him. Why couldn’t he have just said bloody thank you?

Remus may or may not have had a shameful wank that night thinking about how hot Sirius had looked while mad.

____________

Remus ate the chocolate. He wasn’t just going to let it sit around and go bad, as much as he wanted to, simply on principle. Things were weird between him and Sirius for the next little while. He avoided the subject of Mystery Girl at breakfast the next morning, but that might have just been for Remus’ benefit. As usual, running around the castle grounds under a full moon set everything back into their place. Remus, after getting a stern talking-to from Lily, thanked Sirius for the sweets.

It was now March. Remus’ eighteenth birthday was coming up. It was a weird age, eighteen. He will have been legal in the wizarding world for an entire year but now he was going to be legal in the muggle world too. The other Marauders were purebloods, so he was glad to have Lily to talk to about the weird limbo he was in. Remus wasn’t sure Lily knew just how much he cared for her.

It was nearing midnight on the ninth. Remus was making his way to the Common Room. He was having trouble sleeping and was surprised to find Lily curled up on the couch with a book. She gladly lifted one end of the blanket she was using, and Remus joined her on the opposite end of the couch. Their feet were touching under the blanket and Remus liked the little bit of physical touch. He was feeling rather melancholic. This would be his last birthday at Hogwarts. He felt as if Lily could sense his feelings and they talked for quite a while. There was a natural pause in the conversation and Remus felt completely at peace, for once. “Lily?”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t think it’s weird that I’ve never had a girlfriend, do you?” He asked.

Lily shook her head. “No, I think it’s perfectly alright for you to wait for the right girl.”

“What if I don’t want that?” Remus looked down and started playing with the corner of their shared blanket.

“To wait?”

“The right girl.” Remus didn’t dare look up to meet Lily’s face.

“I think it’s perfectly alright for you to wait for the right boy.”

Remus’ head slowly raised, and he met Lily’s eyes. She had the softest smile. Remus let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and felt Lily place a comforting foot on his.

“Moony? You down there?” Broken out of his trance, Remus turned his head in the direction of James’ voice.

“Yeah?” He called back.

“Lads! He’s down here!” James yelled, presumably back into the dorm. There were sounds of commotion and Remus quickly turned back to Lily.

“Lily, they don’t - I haven’t told -”

“Don’t worry.” Again, with that soft smile. Lily Evans was something else.

James, Peter, and Sirius came clambering down the stairs and before Remus knew what was happening, they launched themselves onto the sofa. Lily yelped and moved out of the way. “What the fuck -” Remus was squished under the weight of the three fully grown boys.

“Happy birthday Moony!” James yelled from the top of the pile.

“It’s after midnight!” Peter, middle, supplied.

“Happy birthday, Moons.” Sirius. Bottom.

Sirius’ head was pressed against Remus’ chest and while it felt delightful, and perfect, and oh so right, he really needed everyone to get off of him because if Sirius felt the hardon that he was trying to fight back then not only would this be his last birthday at Hogwarts, it would also be his last day at Hogwarts, period. “Can we maybe not kill the birthday boy?” Merlin bless Lily.

“Lily!” James finally noticed that his girlfriend was also in the room and he pushed himself off the pile. This caused Peter to fall off but Sirius didn’t move.

“You’re squishing me, asshole,” Remus said, trying to push him off.

“Oh shut up, you’re fine,” Sirius got off of Remus and offered him a hand to help pull him back into a sitting position. Remus took the hand and tried to shut his brain off when it also felt right. Sirius sat on the couch where Lily had previously been. Peter was on the floor.

“So, Moony, you ready for the party?” James was now sitting in the armchair with Lily on his lap. Remus groaned in response.

“Oh come on, it’ll be great! We’ve even got other Houses coming!” Sirius added, as if that was supposed to make him feel better.

Sensing this was the wrong move, James piped up. “Not too many though, just a few we know you like to study with. Speaking of, do you happen to know a Ravenclaw Prefect? He was standing with the group, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with him,” Remus stopped breathing.

“You’re going to have to be more specific than that, James,” Lily teased.

“Uh, he has black hair, a little taller than me, kinda looks like Sirius but shorter hair and ten times more awkward,” James laughed.

“Oh! Charlie! He’s lovely! How do you know him, Remus?” Lily asked.

Remus was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that James said he looked like Sirius that he didn’t answer right away. He did not have a type. “Oh, uh, he prefers the library when it’s late, we studied together last year.” At least this wasn’t a lie.

“Oh ok, good ‘cause Padfoot was really trying to sell the party and said that you’d love to see him there. He looked pretty pleased.” James said.

“You WHAT?” Remus snapped his head to look at Sirius. No one said anything.

“I, uh, we can uninvite him, if you want?” Sirius said softly, scratching the back of his neck.

“I thought you said that you study together though?” Peter asked.

Remus breathed heavily. “Past tense. He doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”

“Well, I think you might be wrong there, he seemed excited,” Sirius said, thinking that it would help.

“Yeah, well I’m not!” Silence. Again. “Look, fine, whatever. Maybe he won’t show up.” Remus sighed and got up off the couch.

“Remus I-” Sirius started

“No. I’m going to bed.” Remus left the room and went up the stairs to the dorm. He got into his bed. He still wasn’t tired. At least he didn’t cuss out Sirius this time.

____________

Remus’ birthday for the most part passed by in an uneventful blur. He was debating talking to Lily about the whole Charlie situation seeing as she was now officially the only person who knew he was gay. And she likes boys too, maybe she would have some advice?

Remus’ birthday fell on a Friday this year so he still had classes to go to but luckily, he wouldn’t have to worry about the hangover he’s counting on happening tomorrow. Remus was tired. Not because he didn’t get enough sleep, no, it was more a mental tiredness. He was looking forward to getting absolutely pissed tonight and just forgetting about everything.

Remus never looked forward to the parties the Marauders threw for his birthday. He enjoyed himself, sure, but he always felt quite out of place. Everyone was there for him. Or, well, that was the idea. Should he dress up? Sirius always did for his own birthday. But that was Sirius, he was an outlier in the data. Maybe he should get dressed up. This is his last one, and maybe Charlie will show up. Maybe that’s all Remus needs. A good fuck.

He sighed, looking himself over in the mirror. He decided that the jumper the Potters got him for Christmas and a pair of jeans was the best he was going to look. He could hear music and loud chatter from the Common Room. The party had already started, it seemed.

“Moony?” Sirius knocked on the bathroom door. There was also that issue. There had been no formal apology between him and Sirius. They hadn’t had the chance to be alone yet. It seemed that now was that chance.

Remus opened the door. Sirius was standing there wearing The Jeans and a Bowie shirt that Remus had given him for his birthday that year. Once again, looking far too good. “Nice shirt,” He joked lightly.

“Thanks, my idiot of a best friend got it for me,” Sirius replied, matching Remus’ light tone. That was a good sign.

“Listen, Pads, about last night -”

“Already forgotten. Today’s your day, Moons, you should get to spend it with the people you want to.”

Remus met Sirius’ eyes. “Thanks.”

“And as my apology -”

“You don’t need to -”

“Yes, I do,” Sirius’ tone changed. “And as I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted,” Remus rolled his eyes. “As my apology, I am going to share this beautiful bottle of firewhiskey with you tonight.” Sirius whipped out the bottle from behind him.

“Ok, I can get behind that,” Remus laughed.

“Good.” There was a pause. Their eyes stayed locked. Sirius was the one to break it. “Anyway, I, uh, I gotta piss so …”

“Oh, shit, yeah, go on,” Remus moved out of the doorway to the bathroom. Sirius handed him the bottle and went inside. After the door clicked shut, he unscrewed the top of the bottle and took a large swig. He left the bottle on Sirius’ nightstand and made his way down to the Common Room.

“MOONY!” Remus was met by a very loud James when he reached the landing. This got the attention of the rest of the crowd who all turned to look, letting out a cheer of “Happy birthday Remus!” Ever awkward, Remus opted for a wave in response.

Lily pushed her way through the crowd and gave Remus a big hug. “Happy birthday, love,” She said into his chest. She let go and looked up at him. There was just something about knowing that Lily was there for him that made everything feel infinitely better.

“Drink, for the birthday boy,” James appeared at Lily’s side. He wrapped an arm around her waist and passed Remus a cup with the other.

Remus took it and James raised his eyebrows expectantly. Remus sighed, brought the cup to his lips and chugged.

“There we go!” James gave Remus a rather forceful pat on the shoulder when the cup was empty. Remus laughed, thankful that he had friends to support his wish of getting plastered.

Suddenly, there was a hand gripping his shoulder from behind. Remus jumped a little. “Drink up, Moony my friend,” Sirius’s voice was right in his ear, his free hand reaching around Remus to pour a hefty amount of firewhiskey into the empty cup Remus was still holding. Lily looked utterly shocked.

“Not planning on seeing tomorrow?” She joked.

Sirius moved to Remus’ side, his and still on his shoulder, his arm now wrapped around. Remus wasn’t sure if the warm feeling he was experiencing was because of that or the alcohol that was making its way into his system. Regardless of the reason, he started to down the drink in his hand. “You only turn 18 once, Evans, come on!” Sirius teased.

“Yeah, and you only die once too!” She shot back.

“Evans, if you are to one day become Mrs. Prongs, then I must inform you that us Marauders are actually immortal,” Sirius said matter-of-factly.

Lily rolled her eyes. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“Just you wait, I am going to be the sexiest eighty-year-old you’ve ever seen!” James exclaimed. Lily shook her head fondly and didn’t dispute.

Sirius removed his arm from around Remus and started a heated discussion with James about how no, he was to be the sexiest eighty-year-old. Remus tried not to shiver at the loss of contact. He took this time to scan the room. Partly looking for Charlie, party looking for Peter. He always did get himself in the oddest situations at parties.

“So,” Remus stopped his scanning to see Lily had removed herself from James and was now standing at his side. “I’ve been thinking,” She said. Remus could sense that she was being very careful with what she was saying. “Charlie.”

Remus turned his head to look at her. “What about him?”

“I don’t mean to overstep anything, but, based on facts that I now have and your reaction last night, I feel like you two have … history?”

Remus chuckled a little. “You’d be correct with that assumption,” He took another drink. “Didn’t end so great, but also if he shows up tonight, I’m worried he might get the wrong idea.”

“The wrong idea being?”

“That I’m still interested,” Remus finished the rest of his drink.

“So, I’ll take it that it was not a mutual end to things then?” Lily was still hesitant when she spoke.

“Right again!” Remus laughed, starting to feel the buzz that he’d been chasing. “I felt bad because I was essentially using him because the person I am actually interested in will never be interested in me, so …”

“Well, at least you knew to call it off before it was serious,” Lily shrugged. Remus almost opened his mouth to correct her, maybe make a joke about how that was the issue. That it wasn’t Sirius. “So, who is this person that will never be interested in you?” She joked, bumping her shoulder into his side.

Remus sighed. He trusted Lily immensely. So far it was feeling really good to talk to her about these things, and he knew he never would be able to say it out loud without the alcohol so this would probably be his only chance to come clean. “Sirius.” Lily’s eyes widened and her hand flew to her mouth. Remus nodded his head knowingly and raised his cup to his lips only to remember that it was empty. He looked around the room for Sirius so he could get a top-up. “Where is that tosser, anyway?”

“Are you going to tell him?”

Remus stopped scanning the room again and looked at Lily. “I don’t -” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “He’s so painfully straight. I don’t want to make things awkward. Instead, I will be drinking my pain away tonight!” He raised his empty cup into the air. Lily just shook her head at him, knowing there was nothing she could say to change his mind.

An hour went by and Remus was drunk. The bottle of firewhiskey had emptied rather quickly and he was really craving a smoke. Remus wasn’t one for dancing, so he mostly spent his time at parties standing in the back watching everyone else jump around. It worked out nicely because he was able to sneak away to the dorm to smoke or take a break from the stimulating environment without his friends following him.

He stumbled up the stairs, one hand trailing up the wall to keep his balance. He pushed his way into the dorm and went to his nightstand to grab his pack of cigarettes. He pulled one out and made his way over to the window. He pushed it open, lit up, and took a drag.

“I was wondering where you were,” Remus turned quickly and saw Charlie standing in the doorway.

“Hey.”

“Nice party.”

“I guess yeah,” Remus took another drag.

“Haven’t seen you much this year,” Charlie took a step into the room. Remus sighed.

“This year’s been mental,” Remus laughed lightly. Charlie walked closer.

“I was surprised to get the invite,” Charlie chuckled, making eye contact with Remus. Charlie had nice eyes. Not Sirius nice, but he could still appreciate them. Remus shrugged. Charlie took the neglected cigarette out of Remus’ hand and took a drag.

“Didn’t know you smoked.”

“I don’t, not usually anyway,” Remus nodded in response, not really sure what else to say. Charlie placed what was left of the cigarette on the window ledge.

“Listen, Charlie -” Remus was cut off by Charlie pressing his lips firmly against his.

Remus made a surprised sound, but he didn’t hate it. Merlin, it had been so long since he had been kissed. He found himself responding quite quickly, his arms snaking around Charlie. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. It was his birthday, after all. He could snog someone if he wanted to.

“Mm, Remus,” Charlie moaned into the kiss. Remus could feel himself growing hard. He could also shag someone if he wanted to. Charlie broke away to trail kisses across his jaw and down his neck. Remus kept his eyes closed. Charlie kept moving lower and when his lips were no longer on skin Remus opened his eyes to see him move to his knees.

“Merlin, fuck,” Remus breathed as Charlie started undoing his jeans. He pulled them down and started palming over Remus’ bulge.

Charlie hooked his fingers into the waistband of Remus’ briefs and slowly pulled them down. His dick sprung free. Remus was a little embarrassed at how quickly he got this hard. “Fuck, I’ve missed your cock.”

Remus reached down and gripped hard on Charlie’s hair. “I’ve missed your mouth.”

Charlie chucked but slowly started licking the tip. He wrapped a hand around it and lowered his mouth. Remus groaned at his dick was met with the wet heat that was Charlie’s mouth. He started bobbing his head, stroking whatever wouldn’t fit. Remus tightened his grip on Charlie’s hair. “Fuck, yeah, don’t stop,” Charlie looked up and made eye contact with Remus. He did kinda look like Sirius, now that he thought about it. Fuck, no, don’t think about Sirius right now. But he couldn’t help it. Charlie’s eyes turned into the specific shade of grey that simply draws Remus in. His hair was longer, more curl to it. Perfect bone structure. Sirius, on his knees, Remus’ cock shoved down his throat. Remus pulled on Sirius’ hair, pushing more of his cock in Sirius’ mouth and he came suddenly with a loud “Fuck!”.

Remus opened his eyes when he heard gagging and looked down to see not Sirius but Charlie. He quickly released his grip on Charlie’s hair. There was a creak and Remus’ head shot in the direction of the door. That was Sirius. “Shit, fuck!” He scrambled for his jeans, trying to cover himself. Charlie swallowed rather loudly and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He stood up, looked back and forth between Sirius and Remus.

“See you ‘round. Happy birthday, Remus,” And he was gone.

Remus finished zipping up his jeans and looked back up at the doorway but Sirius, too, was gone.

____________

It had been a week. The incident of the Birthday Blowjob had not been talked about. Remus wasn’t sure if he was thankful for this or not. On one hand, he was glad not to talk about it because that would also entail having to find out just how long Sirius was standing there. On the other hand, he just wanted things to get back to normal and if that meant talking about it then he just wanted to get it over with. Remus hadn’t seen Charlie, either. He wanted it to stay that way. If he ever did bump into him, he would probably play the “I was so drunk I don’t remember anything card”. It was a low move, but he did cum down his throat imagining it was someone else, so he was already pretty close to the bottom. At least he didn’t moan Sirius’ name.

He was tired of being constantly on edge. Even if Sirius had only seen the tail end (Remus prayed to whatever entity would listen that he wasn’t there watching him cum), he still would have seen Charlie on his knees and Remus half-naked. Not much for the imagination there. He was on edge because essentially that had been his coming out to Sirius. He didn’t know how Sirius felt about gay people, it never really came up in conversation. For all he knew, Sirius could be the nastiest homophobe. Remus’ biggest worry used to be that Sirius was straight and would turn him down. Now it was that Sirius was repulsed by him.

Remus took it upon himself to put some distance between him and Sirius. He desperately wanted to talk to Lily, but he didn’t want to disclose the graphic details. James? No, that would involve him having to come out first. He sighed.

It was a Friday night and Remus was trying to do some reading from the comfort of the Common Room. He tried to forget that this time last week he was sharing a bottle of firewhiskey with Sirius. He tried to forget that as the night went on, they stopped using cups and just took gulps from the bottle. He tried to forget that he’d had Sirius’ saliva in his mouth. How he would like to have more of it. Remus shut his book with more force than he had planned. Merlin’s sake.

“Hey.”

Remus jumped a little and looked over the back of the couch. Sirius was standing at the bottom of the stairs. Like Remus, he was in his pyjamas.

“Hey,” Remus said back.

“Mind if I join you?” Remus shrugged and Sirius walked over. Remus pulled his legs closer to his body so Sirius could sit on the couch with him. Their feet touched. There was a pause. “Do you hate me?”

Remus blinked a few times. “What? No, why would you think that?”

“It just - I feel like lately you’re always mad at me.” Sirius looked down and started picking at his nail polish.

Remus was about to deny that claim until he thought about it. Yeah, he really has been mad at Sirius a lot this term. “I don’t mean to be.”

Sirius chuckled. “Thanks,” His voice dripped with sarcasm.

“No, I just mean … There’s been a lot going on, y’know?” It wasn’t really a lie. Remus just didn’t want to say that the truth was that he’d discovered that it was easier to be mad at Sirius than to pine over him.

Sirius nodded slowly. “About last week -”

“Sirius -”

“No, please let me finish,” Remus shut his mouth. “I just, I want to know what I did that made you feel like you couldn’t tell me.” Sirius kept his head down.

Remus found that he was holding his breath. What was up with this couch and confessions? “Don’t take it personally, really. Lily’s the only one who knew.”

“You told Lily?” Sirius’ head snapped up.

“Well, I mean, she figured it out. All it took was my reaction to you inviting Charlie it seems.”

“So, are you two …”

Remus laughed lightly. “No. Well, last year. He was, uh. That’s who I was with when Prongs caught me sneaking back in.”

“Oh,” Sirius said. He was avoiding Remus’ eyes, looking over his shoulder instead. Remus nodded and started picking at the dirt under his fingernails. “So, you’re -”

“Gay,” Remus didn’t want to hear whether Sirius was going to use a different word or not.

“… How did you know?”

That caught Remus’ attention. “What?” Sirius was red. “Well, I guess my first clue was that I didn’t understand what you lot were on about when it came to girls,” Remus chuckled. “And then I realized that I felt that way about blokes.”

“Like Charlie?”

“Sure.”

“Were you nervous?” Sirius was picking at his nails again.

“Yeah. But I kinda forgot about all that when he kissed me.” Remus shrugged. If Sirius was going to make a fuss about this, he probably would have already.

Sirius nodded, taking this information in. “I didn’t have plans on Valentine’s Day.”

“Huh?” Remus didn’t understand the connection.

“I lied.” Sirius flushed again. Remus liked that shade of red on him. “I wanted to spend it with you.” Remus froze. He could feel his heart beating faster in his chest. “And I kept teasing you because I was worried you’d gone and made plans with someone already. I didn’t mean to hurt your hip that night, I really am sorry.” Remus had almost forgotten about that part of the night. He didn’t know how to feel about the fact that Sirius hadn’t. “I didn’t want to admit to myself why I wanted to spend it with you and then you just snapped at me. The chocolate didn’t make things any better,” Sirius was still looking at his hands. Remus’ mind was going a mile a minute. Sirius wanted to spend Valentine’s Day with him? Has Sirius been interested all this time? Since when? Surely, he would have noticed Sirius flirting with him? Right? “And then I felt like I really fucked up when we told you Charlie was invited,” Remus nodded. “Hence the firewhiskey,” He laughed to himself. Remus enjoyed the sound. “And then … well you know the rest.” Sirius was still red. Remus felt his face heat up the same way.

“Sorry you had to see that.”

Sirius chuckled again. “I’m not.”

Remus’ breath caught in his throat. He was about to open his mouth to say something, he wasn’t sure what exactly, when the portrait hole opened and James and Lily came stumbling through, back from their patrols.

“James, we’ve been over this, we both can’t fit through at the same time!” Lily said through laughs.

“But I don’t want to stop holding your hand!” James whined.

Sirius snorted rather loudly, and James and Lily noticed the two boys on the couch. “James Potter, ever the sap.”

“Oh, shut it, Black, you’re just jealous.” James tried to downplay the redness of his cheeks by teasing Sirius.

Sirius pushed himself up off the couch and stretched, his shirt riding up ever so slightly. Remus tried, and failed, not to stare at the patch of exposed skin. “Well, time to call it a night. We’ve got party planning to do in the morning!” Sirius clapped his hands together and joined James in walking towards the stairs.

“Party? What party?” Lily asked, stopping in her tracks.

“It’s ol’ Prongsie’s birthday soon Evans! Surely you haven’t forgotten?” Sirius teased.

“I didn’t forget. It’s just, didn’t we just have a party?”

Sirius barked out a laugh and wrapped his arm around James’ shoulders. “You are quite observant, Evans. We did in fact just have a party, but that was for Moony. This one is for Prongs.”

Lily sighed. “Fine. But just, maybe not as big as the last one?”

Sirius broke out into a grin. Lily groaned.

____________

A little over a week had passed. Whatever it was that happened on the couch a week after Remus’ birthday was never discussed again. And Remus was going out of his mind. He wasn’t sure what to make of the whole situation. His first instinct was to talk to Lily, but he felt like Sirius would want to keep whatever he was trying to say a secret. That also made Remus’ mind spin. There were things that Sirius only wanted Remus to know.

James’ birthday unfortunately fell on a Monday this year, so the party was set for the Saturday before. Remus wasn’t sure what the crowd was going to be like. He knew that James was more popular than him so logically there would be more people, but on the other hand, Lily did ask for a smaller group and knowing James he probably let her have that win. Charlie was not invited.

Remus was nervous. He felt like tonight was the night to decipher Sirius. Once Sirius was drunk, he would be an open book. Remus was not planning on drinking. He wanted to be able to remember whatever Sirius says to him.

He was in the bathroom, fixing his hair when he heard the music start. Voices became louder and it was eerily similar to last time. “Stop fussing, you look good,” Remus’ hands froze. He saw the reflection of Sirius standing in the doorway through the mirror. He looked good.

“Hair’s getting a bit long I think,” It was starting to curl at the ends.

“No, I like it,” Sirius stepped forward and reached up to run his fingers through Remus’ hair. Remus’ eyes fluttered close at the touch. “Remus, I- ”

Remus slowly opened his eyes. They were standing really close. Sirius’ eyes quickly glanced down to Remus’ lips. The air was thick. Gathering all his courage, Remus slowly leaned down and removed the few inches between them.

Sirius’ lips were wonderful. They were softer than they looked, tasted like sweets with a hint of tobacco from the cigarette he bummed off Remus earlier. But best of all, they kissed back. Remus felt like he was going to faint when Sirius’ lips moved together with his own. Sirius’ hands slipped from Remus’ hair and rested on the back of his neck. Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius’ waist and pulled him closer. The kiss deepened and Remus could have sworn he heard Sirius moan. His grip tightened and he pulled away from Sirius’ lips, kissing across his jaw, trailing down to his neck.

“We should probably head down, no?” Sirius asked breathlessly. Remus hummed in approval but didn’t stop. “Remus, if you don’t stop now then I’ll never let you.”

Remus chuckled. “Now that sounds like a good deal to me,” He bit down lightly on Sirius’ neck. Sirius swore and gripped onto the hairs at the bottom of Remus’ neck.

“Fuck, I want you, Moony.”

Remus paused to look at Sirius’ face. Fuck did he want Sirius too.

“Hey, are you tossers coming down or not?” James’ voice tore them apart.

“Yeah, just a sec!” Remus shouted back. Sirius was still regaining his composure. Remus revelled in the fact that he was the cause of that. “Continue this later?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“That better be a promise.”

“Oh, I promise,” Remus said, smacking Sirius’ ass on his way out of the bathroom.

____________

Torture. The night was nothing, if not torture. Once Sirius had regained his grasp on the world, there was no stopping him. Little things mostly, just to tease Remus. But on multiple occasions, he squished his way through groups of people “accidentally” brushing his ass directly over Remus’ crotch. It wasn’t until the fourth time that he tried to do this that Remus decided that two can play at that game. He gripped Sirius by the waist, holding him in place. No one was paying attention, they were all trying to have their own conversations over the music. Remus pressed himself harder against Sirius, making his erection known. “Are you just going to keep teasing me all night?” He asked, directly into Sirius’ ear.

“Maybe …” Remus tightened his grip and Sirius bit on his lip.

“How would you like it if I did that to you, huh?” Remus lightly nibbled on Sirius’ earlobe. He let one of his hands trail lower, down the front of Sirius’ thigh. “I could just palm you right here.” Remus felt Sirius shudder. “Oh? You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Sirius started nodding his head feverishly. “Hmm, well maybe you should have thought about that before you started teasing me, then.” Remus released Sirius and took a step back.

“Oi, Pads! How much have you had to drink, mate? I’ve never seen you this red!” Remus smirked at James’ comment. He watched as Sirius tried to pull himself together while James made his way closer.

“Just need a bit of air, I think,” Sirius choked out. Remus tried not to laugh.

“Hey! Moons!” Remus’ head perked up and he joined the conversation. “Take Pads upstairs and crack a window, yeah? Lily will be furious if he pukes down here.”

“Yeah, sure,” Remus agreed and wrapped an arm around Sirius. “Come on mate, let’s get you upstairs.”

They turned and made their way towards the stairs, pushing through groups of people as they went.

The second they made it into the dorm Remus pushed Sirius against the door and kissed him. He responded just as hungrily. Sirius’ lips were still as sweet as before, less tobacco, but no alcohol. It seems that Sirius also wanted to be sober for tonight. Remus was thankful.

Remus broke off the kiss and started trailing kisses across Sirius’ collarbones. “Can I confess something?” Remus paused what he was doing and met Sirius’ eyes. Sirius’ face reddened and he looked away. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about when I walked in on you,” Remus raised an eyebrow. “I came so hard that night thinking about it,” Remus went back to kissing Sirius’ neck. He remembered their conversation on the couch. Sorry you had to see that. I’m not.

“I also have a confession,” He said. After a few more kisses, “I was imagining it was you on your knees.”

Sirius groaned. Remus felt the vibrations with his lips. Sirius lightly pushed Remus off and sunk down to his knees. Remus tried not to moan as Sirius started to unbutton his jeans. He unzipped them tantalizingly slow. Once undone, Sirius pushed them down Remus’ legs and palmed his hand against Remus’ erection. Sirius slowly pulled down Remus’ boxers and his dick was finally free. Sirius glanced up at Remus. He nodded, and Sirius began trailing his tongue across Remus’ shaft. Remus instinctively reached out to get fistfuls of Sirius’ hair. He moaned and Remus tightened his grip.

“I’ve had enough of your teasing,” Remus seethed.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sirius replied, his innocent demeanour a stark contrast to his current actions.

“Don’t make me just fuck your mouth, Pads” Remus was mostly kidding. He very much had a dominant side, but he’d never had many opportunities to use it. Even with Charlie, it stayed relatively dormant.

“Yes, please.”

Remus choked on his spit. Sirius did not respond with words, instead, he simply let his jaw go slack. Remus nervously thrust his hips, edging his dick past Sirius’ lips. He kept going until he reached the point where he figured Sirius couldn’t take more. Sirius, ever impatient, reached for Remus’ thighs and forcefully pulled him closer until his nose was flush with Remus’ stomach. Remus let out a moan. Never in his life had someone put his whole dick in their mouth.

Sirius gave Remus’ thigh a tap, bringing him back down to earth. Slowly, Remus pulled out and thrust back in. It felt amazing. He gripped harder on Sirius’ hair and squeezed his eyes shut as the moan Sirius released vibrated around his dick.

“Your mouth is so good,” Remus said, continuing to fuck into it. Sirius moaned again, louder, if that was possible. His cheeks were red, and spit was dripping out of his mouth, he was quite the sight. “You look so fucking good right now,” Sirius made a noise that Remus hadn’t heard before and he pulled out and removed his hands from Sirius’ hair, worried that he’d hurt him.

“Why’d you stop?” Sirius’ voice was hoarse, and Remus’ dick twitched.

“I thought I hurt you,” Remus said. Sirius bit his lip in embarrassment.

“You didn’t, not that I’d mind,” Remus inhaled sharply at that revelation. “I just, really liked what you said.”

“That you look good with my dick in your mouth?” Sirius nodded, biting back a moan. “Well, it’s true,” Remus reached down and swiped up some of the drool from Sirius’ chin before bringing the finger into Sirius’ mouth. Sirius groaned.

“Fuck, I need you.”

Remus pulled Sirius up by the collar of his shirt and smashed their lips together. “Bed. Now.” He growled into Sirius’ mouth. Sirius obeyed and all but sprinted to Remus’ bed. Remus kicked off his shoes along with his jeans and underwear currently pooled at his ankles. He grabbed his wand and locked the door. No interruptions this time.

Remus turned around and made his way over to Sirius. He was laying in the middle of the bed on his back. On his way there he had kicked off his shoes and his jeans were also gone. Remus walked up to the bed and got on it, straddling Sirius. He palmed over Sirius’ dick. “What do you want?”

“Anything, please, just touch me.” Sirius moaned, closing his eyes. Remus smiled and lifted his hips to pull Sirius’ underwear down. His dick twitched upon contact with the cool air. Remus leaned over Sirius and reached for his nightstand. He opened the first drawer and pulled out his bottle of lube. He sat up and popped the cap, squeezing some into his hand. He tossed the bottle onto the bed and brought his hand down and wrapped his fingers around Sirius. Sirius made a sound at the back of his throat at the touch. Remus began stroking Sirius teasingly slow. When he let go, Sirius whined, and Remus loved the sound. Needy Sirius was definitely a Sirius that he enjoyed. Remus reached for the lube again and squeezed some more onto his hand before bringing it down to his own dick. Sirius wined again and bucked his hips. “Impatient, are we?” Remus teased.

“Please, Moony,” Remus was loving this new side of Sirius he was discovering.

“Please what?” Remus asked, cocking his head to the side.

“More, I need more.”

Remus loosened his grip on his dick and reached his fingers to wrap around Sirius’ dick as well. He started stroking them together and Sirius moaned, sinking his head back into the pillow. “There’s a good boy.” Sirius squeezed his eyes shut and his hips bucked involuntarily.

Remus tightened his grip on their cocks. “Oh, so that’s what you liked, huh?” Sirius bit down on his lip. “You like knowing what a good boy you’re being?” Sirius nodded his head frantically. “Use your words, come on.”

“I like it.”

“You can do better than that.” Remus tutted, giving their dicks a squeeze.

“I like … I like being your good boy.” Remus smiled and picked up the pace.

“Good.”

“Remus,” Sirius moaned. It was only his name, but Remus thought it sounded downright sinful the way it all but dripped out of Sirius’ mouth. “I need you, please, Merlin, please.”

Remus reached for the lube again. Sirius whimpered at the loss of Remus’ hand. He coated a few of his fingers before bringing them back to Sirius, this time much lower than were they were before. “Here?” Remus asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yes,” Sirius breathed. Remus rubbed a finger against Sirius’ hole and slowly pressed in. Sirius groaned at the sensation.

“Have you done this before?” Remus asked, slowly thrusting his finger in and out of Sirius.

“Y-yes,” Sirius stuttered out.

“Not so good then, are we?” Remus added a second finger.

“I am, I am,” Sirius moaned out. “I pretended it was y-you,”

Remus tried not to moan at that confession. It was incredibly hot thinking about Sirius, just a few feet and 2 layers of bed curtains away, fingering himself, thinking about him.

“You’re all mine then, huh?”

Sirius moaned as Remus started scissoring his fingers. “All yours, all yours,” he repeated.

“Good boy.”

Sirius let out a strangled cry and Remus added a third finger, for good measure.

“Please, please, please,” Sirius whined.

Remus removed his fingers and quickly stripped out of his jumper. Even though Sirius had seen him shirtless before, Remus was still self-conscious about his scars and wanted to keep his top on until the last possible second.

He reached for Sirius’ shirt and he arched his back to let Remus pull it up. The shirt went over Sirius’ head and he lifted his arms up. Remus let the shirt bunch up at Sirius’ wrists and decided to keep it there. He pressed Sirius’s wrists into the headboard of the bed. “Stay.” Sirius nodded, eagerly.

Remus reached for the lube. After he successfully coated his dick again, he lifted one of Sirius’ legs up and rested it on his shoulder. He pressed his dick against Sirius’ hole.

“Please, Remus, please,” Sirius moaned, again with Remus’ name, and that’s all he needed. He pressed in slowly and Sirius moaned out. It was at this point that Remus was thankful for the noise coming from the Common Room that would drown out the noise coming from Sirius.

Remus kept easing himself in. When he was fully inside, he let his body relax. “You feel so fucking good, Sirius.”

Sirius moaned in response. He went to move his arms forward, but Remus reached out and gripped the middle of the shirt, pressing Sirius’s hands back into the headboard. “I thought I told you to stay?” Sirius whimpered. Slowly, Remus began to move, pulling out and thrusting back in. Sirius was biting on his lip, trying to keep his noises in. Remus started moving faster, desperate to get Sirius to release those dirty sounds.

“F-fuck, more, I need more.” Remus agreed with Sirius’ wish and picked up the pace. He leaned down and attached his lips to Sirius’.

The kiss was more teeth and breathing into mouths than lips, but Remus didn’t mind. “So good,” He moaned into Sirius’ mouth.

There was a knock at the door. Remus froze his movements. “Hey, just wanted to check-in, everything alright?” James.

Remus got an idea and slowly started thrusting back into Sirius. “Yeah, everything’s good!” Remus shouted back.

“And Pads? He hasn’t gone and made a mess, has he?”

Remus looked down at Sirius and raised his eyebrows, urging him to respond to James. Remus picked up his pace, fucking deeper and harder.

“Y-yeah! Everything’s good!” Sirius was straining, trying to keep his composure.

“You want me to come in? Moony and I can take shifts if you need it.”

Remus bit back laughter. “What d’you say? Want to take turns with me and Prongs?” He asked, quiet enough that only Sirius could hear.

Sirius squeezed his eyes shut. “N-no! That’s okay! Go enjoy your p-party! OH!” Sirius pressed his lips tightly together. Remus had found the perfect opportunity to find Sirius’ prostate. He kept hitting it.

“You sure?” James was persistent.

Sirius opened his mouth, but nothing came out other than the tiny sounds that he couldn’t stop from escaping.

“We’re good Prongs, he’s perking up, we’ll probably be down in a bit,” Remus replied, punctuating his sentence with a particularly hard thrust.

“Okay, just find me if you need anything,” James said.

When Remus figured enough time had passed and James had returned to the party, he reached for Sirius’ wrists and pulled off the shirt. Sirius’ arms fell immediately, and he gripped down on Remus’ sides, his nails digging into the skin.

“You did so good, so so good.” Remus pulled out completely and Sirius whined at the loss. “Why don’t you show me how good you are and get on top?”

Sirius nodded vigorously and he sat up to swap spots with Remus. Remus laid back on the bed and watched as Sirius straddled him and positioned himself. He gripped Remus’ dick and slowly sunk down. “Fuuuuck,” Remus moaned. Sirius slowly raised himself up and then swiftly back down again. Remus was in heaven. Sirius leaned his head back as he bounced up and down. “You’re so fucking hot.”

Sirius smirked, the cocky bastard, and began fucking himself faster. Remus loved how Sirius’ dick bounced around with him, dripping precum as it went. He could feel himself growing closer.

“Fuck, fuck, I’m going to cum,” Sirius moaned, and Remus started thrusting up in time with Sirius. Sirius reached behind him and held onto Remus’ thighs to balance himself as he started moving faster.

“Are you going to cum without me even touching you?” Remus realized.

Sirius bit down on his lip. “Mmmhmm.”

“Oh, fuck Sirius, yes, yes, cum for me, such a good boy.”

“Fuck, Remus!” The sound Sirius let out as he came was too much to handle for Remus. Sirius kept bouncing on his dick as ropes of cum coated Remus’ stomach. Remus lifted his arms and gripped Sirius’ hips. He pulled him down at the same time that he thrust one last time, cumming with Sirius’ name on his lips.

After the two boys caught their breath, Sirius removed himself from Remus. He reached for his wand that was resting on the nightstand and with a quick scourgify, the mess he left on Remus was gone. He then flopped down on the bed, resting his head on Remus’ chest. “Fucking hell.”

Remus let out a breathy laugh and started to lazily play with Sirius’ hair. “I would very much agree with that.”

“Remind me to get on your bad side more often,” Sirius laughed.

“What do you mean by that?”

“If all it took was me pissing you off a couple of times for you to fuck me like that then I will gladly face the consequences.”

“I think you’re forgetting that we made up each time, idiot.”

“Are you going to tell me that there wasn’t lasting sexual tension?” Remus didn’t answer. “Exactly my point,” Sirius laughed.

“If you piss me off one more time then you’re going to get a lot more than a fucking.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, now.” Sirius tutted.

Remus lifted Sirius’ head off his chest and repositioned himself so he was on top of Sirius, one hand on either side of his head. “When have you ever known me to not follow through on something?” Remus asked, lowering his head to kiss across Sirius’ collar bones. When he reached the nape of his neck he bit down slightly and sucked a large bruise.

Sirius pushed Remus’ head away. “Okay, okay, I take it back. I can’t do another round just yet, Merlin!”

Remus chuckled and put his weight back on the bed beside Sirius. “Don’t mess with me, Black.”

“Oh, you know I already plan to.”

[rodolfoparras]

So TW for slightly emotional rant and allusions to SA (mostly in context of Simon and his story and certain type of fics) in case someone needs it

I know I ranted about this before already (several times I'm pretty sure) but I think I'm little extra annoyed because of my own flashbacks and how I've been feeling lately but I swear I want to take Simon and keep him away from everyone, especially certain writers.

And like I said already (or maybe I didn't and I just ranted to bestie about it and I thought I ranted here), I can't stop someone from writing Simon the way they want and I'm certainly not gonna go and bully them for it in their dms but it's just so.... 🙃🙃

I have both written and read plenty of dark fics in general and it might be hypocritical of me but I hate when someone writes Simon in context of him being aggressor/assaulter (I can't even bring myself to say specifically what but I think you get it)

I just really want to write like a masterpost or something or publish a whole ass essay on him here so because some of y'all (and let's be honest here it's almost always fem writers) don't get to play with him and write about him until you actually take a look at him and try to understand his character. Yes, a lot of people have weird or even dark coping mechanisms and yes some victims become aggressors but y'all need to look at what you're writing.

Not everyone ofc, I have seen some writers do really good job on those fics and even if I don't read them and I don't see Simon like that and it's very triggering for me (exactly because it's him), I can admit when someone writes stuff with nuance and care.

✨a n y w a y s✨

Sorry for this long ass rant but I couldn't stop thinking about it and I just might actually write that character analysis essay

-🔮

First of all sugar bee you’re more than welcome to rant here !!

But to the second point you say you read dark fics and criticizing these ghost fics could be seen as hypocritical but I don’t think so at all! Dark fics on ao3 at least have the intent to be dark, ghost fics here on tumblr don’t even intend to be dark

It’s just that fem writers give the same traits to any and all male character which is daddy dom who’s possessive and obsessive and what not

And it’s a shame bc cod characters are fully fleshed out characters with backstories traumas goals etc and they’re unfortunately completely disregarded so that fem reader/ writers can have another dom daddy character to thirst ABOJT

[silenthillmutual]

my buddy @doomednarrative tagged me in a fic writer's ask game so ^_^ let's do this!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

on my current account i have 154. being unemployed and hypomanic during lockdown will do that to you.

2. What is your AO3 wordcount?

895,907. i can't tell if that's a normal distribution for my fic count or not.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

at the moment: silent hill, bloodborne, and pathologic. most of what i have up there is for pathologic. i've got other fandoms up there though.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

eight, thirty-one - 1899 kudos (danganronpa)

to quote mika, age 35, of beirut, lebanon: "where have all the good (gay) guys gone?" - 1066 kudos (danganronpa)

(they long to be) close to you - 1021 kudos (mob psycho 100)

all jotaro wants for christmas is kakyoin (and he screws that up) - 810 kudos (jojo's bizarre adventure)

anticlimax - 796 kudos (danganronpa)

5. Do you respond to comments?

i've responded to most comments i've gotten, though it's always months late because i tend to read the e-mail first thing in the morning, head to work, and completely forget to respond. responding feels more personal. i know i'd be more likely to comment on someone's fics if i knew they appreciated it, so i try to make the effort, even if i struggle to know what to say.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

god this is old as hell but probably life in technicolor/the end of all things. they're life is strange style aus for one punch man and genos dies at the end of one of them, and at the end of the other the city is destroyed. the fics are connected, but i won't say how.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

so tired, so tired, my heart and i (pathologic) is probably the sappiest i've ever written a fic so i'm guessing that one!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

occasionally. i got transmisogynist hate for when you finally get inovlved, face to face for writing chihiro as a trans girl, and it made me stop writing for danganronpa altogether. i got a guest user on some burakhovsky nsfw i posted (idr which one) who said "jesus christ, tag your trans shit". and someone who went off on me years ago called vita in motu (pathologic) "borderline mpreg" and they very much meant it derogatorily. so if i seem a lil paranoid about interacting w people there's a reason why lol.

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

i do! i actually write more smut than i post because i am not showing everyone my oc/canon smut. like some friends will be able to see it but i'm not brave enough to show the whole world that. also a lot of au smut recently that has no context and i'm not posting it to ao3 without context.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

i did moreso in the past than currently. we're not gonna talk about the craziest one though<3 love and light

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

nah. i've had people write fic very inspired by stuff i've written but not copy-and-paste stolen, to my knowledge

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

people have asked but as far as i know it never happened. always thought it would be cool!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes!! w my buddy dj :) also published rps in the past that i shaped up into fics.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

mulder/scully is The Ship Of All Time to me. the blueprint.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oh there's a few!!

a rebel without a case rewrite that i started because i wanted to fix what i saw as timing issues in the film.

an akira/mob psycho 100... crossover? au? both? i had some real ideas for that one but it's not going anywhere

a silent hill au for mob psycho 100 that apprently someone was interested in enough to try and make their own while referencing mine. it was an audience participation fic and i'm honestly upset that i lost steam on this one because it was a lot of fun!

a magnus archives statement from artemy burakh. the idea behind that one was that he saw daniil die, and then be replaced by another actor... but artemy's the only one who noticed the different actor.

literally dozens of pathologic fics that i have started like you have no idea just how much i have started for that stupid game.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i'm not sure! my partner says i do vagueness well, and the unease that comes with that. i think i do decent at introspection in general

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

action for sure. i tend to do better with thought than with action, so i can write really long scenes where absolutely nothing hapens. kind of an issue!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don't really do it because i only know like...extremely basic german and i feel it'd be a disservice to other languages to just google translate. i will occasionally describe characters using sign, but again... not knowing it, i don't feel comfortable just saying shit, you know?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

i wrote something like fanfic as a like, eight year old? for a book series i can no longer remember. but for first published fanfic it was either bones or soul eater. those fics might still be out there, who knows!

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

i don't really have one! i'm still really proud of o tempora, o mores (pathologic), vita in motu (pathologic), and my mind has changed my body's frame (bloodborne) <- less sure of that one bc not much feedback but y'know!

who shall i tag.... @stvlti, @brodyliciousbooty, @loudmound, @go-go-devil, @shogoakuji and anyone else who writes, consider yourself tagged :P !

[the-whirlers]

Hello! Here from AO3 and really enjoy your fic. Just wanted to reach out to ask if you had any tips for developing a story and taking the time to create something and having enough confidence to post it publicly? For example, do you plan your entire story out and write in long sit-down sessions or in bursts of energy if that makes sense? Thank you in advance for reading.

hello hello! thank you for the ask. i am saur saur sorry I let this sit for over a week, idk how to use tumblr!!! here is the long long answer:

i had the concepts and ideas i wanted to play with first and then the general plot after - basically the timeline and events were more or less finalized before I started actually putting stuff together. And then randomly if im on the train or something and read an article in the news or listen to a song or look at a piece of art and think wow thats rlly proper stuff i'll drop that all in like a "scrapbook" on my iphone notes as inspo of stuff i want to do stylistically . then i punch clock in for a few hours on a free weekend to tie everything out and churn out a chapter.

I think the key to sharing your stuff is all of this should be enjoyable, you have no fiduciary obligation for what u make to be perfect or even good. its SO FUN to put stuff out there and think "christ that's just absolute dogsht hehe" the next day bc you rlly cant get away w/ that attitude at work. for sunday friend i had the sudden clarity 8 chapters in that replacing what he says with the "Zs" looks SO DUMB but im not going to go back and fix it bc come on i cant be bothered. with the rise of AI, people will at some point be able to generate whatever fic they want but they wont have these unique mistakes or have the very specific inspos you bring to the table as a person living life

(off topic but this is why i think we should let the robots calculate our taxes and underwrite leveraged loans or whatevr and let the humans be creative. ill get CANCELLED one day for being a human supremacist and telling the clankers to stay in their LANE)

its good to be proud of what you're making and also bc people are reading your stuff i want to put in lots and lots of effort since they graciously chose to invest their spare time but at the end of the day the quality only has to be at the point u can read your own fic and enjoy it xxxxxxxxxx and when you do publish something PLS send it to me i'm already SO excited to read it <3 I hope this was helpful :D!!!