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lizzybeth1986 · 1 year ago

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Protagonist-Centered Sexuality

(Read the rest of the "Hana Lee: A Study In Erasure" series here!)

CW: Bullying, Homophobia, Bi-erasure.

"To be clear, Hana is bisexual, but at this point in the story, that's something she's still figuring out for herself!" - Kara Loo

I don't think there's any better way of starting this essay than the story behind this quote.

(Note: Some who were around at the time of this story mentioned that that the team was under pressure to say Hana was bi instead of gay, partly from discourse with "people who took offence at Hana being coded lesbian". Being in the fringes of this discussion at the time, I cannot completely confirm the veracity of this, but just for clarity I thought I'd add this context as well. For the purposes of this essay, though, I will be mostly referring to Hana as bi and focusing to a larger extent on depictions of bisexuality, but will attempt to discuss whether that is reflected at all in the writing).

Sometime in October of 2017 (a few weeks after TRR2 released), a player had posed a question to the Choices Support Team. Does Hana Lee have a canon sexuality? The response was... bizarre - if I were to put it in the kindest way possible - even if you were someone who barely paid attention to Hana's scenes:

There was plenty of backlash over this response, of course, because when the hell had Hana ever tried to "pursue the prince" and how the hell would that make her straight! Kara Loo, one of the book leads, almost immediately posted a response, apologizing and maintaining that "this doesn't reflect how we view bisexuality at Pixelberry". It was clear from her post that Hana wasn't out to herself yet, forget anyone else, and it seemed to hint at a journey of sorts.

It's 2021 now, and we're on the seventh and final book of the series. The word "bisexual" hasn't appeared in the story once.

Mechanical vs Canonical Bisexuality

Different types of media write about expressions of sexuality in different ways, but the distinct discomfort that comes with openly talking about queer-related issues can be found across the board. A lot of visual media, esp film, has had a long history of erasure when it comes to LGBTQ+ representation, leading to either a lack of depictions of those stories, or having them heavily couched in innuendo. And even though there is more openness to such rep now, the discomfort often remains.

It is possible for showrunners/filmmakers/writers to attempt to cater to two very distinct audiences: the homophobic audience that is uncomfortable with even a hint of something that isn't heteronormative, and the LGBTQ+ audience that would like to see themselves in the characters they watch. Several strategies are employed to gain the attention, and money, of both: queerbaiting, queercoding or queercatching, all of which involve some form of catching the latter audience's interest with tantalizing hints about a character's sexuality, while still being vague enough to make it "safe" for the former type to watch. (Do watch Rowan Ellis' video essay "An Evolution of Queerbaiting: From Queercoding to Queercatching".) An infamous example of this is how J K Rowling announced Dumbledore being gay after her books released, yet you would never learn this outright from either the original HP books nor in the subsequent Fantastic Beasts film series.

For games however - especially choice-focused RPGs - the mechanics of this are somewhat different. For instance as a queer woman playing Choices, I can tell which sexuality is the default and which one is barely written with any thought at all...but what I'm complaining about wouldn't fit too well in the category of "queercatching" because a gay/bi/pan character's relationship is still at the center of the story, if I should so choose. So how do I explain why I'm so dissatisfied with what I'm getting, if at least I'm getting a full relationship with a woman out of it?

This is where we separate the way relationships fuelled by the mechanics of the game, from LGBTQ+ stories that are stitched into canon. Verilybitchie, in her video essay "How Bisexuality Changed Video Games" (seriously, watch it. It's a real eye-opener) goes into detail about this, but here's a small screenshot just to give you a rough idea:

(The essay breaks down many, many concepts - such as how sometimes the games view bisexuality and polyamory as almost interchangeable, and how some of the games negatively equate polyamory to cheating by taking away the option to be honest with the partners. One of the reasons this video focuses on bisexuality is to show how monosexuality is often viewed as a norm in the game mechanics themselves, even equated to faithfulness. But that is not relevant to this essay).

Mechanical Bisexuality - basically put - moulds the sexuality of your romanceable characters to suit yours. If you're gay/bi/pan, and want to romance a same-sex character, they will respond to you romantically and based on what they say in those playthroughs they may be either gay or bi. But if you play the same game as a straight person, you will probably never know. There are ways this can be done well, and still be respectful to those characters. But if done badly, this means that the romanceable character's sexuality is important only in relation to the player and not on its own. Which is to say that as long as you're using fictional bisexuality for my coin as a queer player, but not bothering to explore bisexuality as a lived experience, you're still engaging in a form of bi erasure.

Canonical Bisexuality, on the other hand, establishes a character (who is not the player) as bi regardless of the player's choices. Which is to say that their sexuality - like in real life - exists independent of the player-character's actions or desires, and is a part of their character history by default. Again, this doesn't mean it's completely perfect - Verilybitchie's video shows us examples upon examples of how a lot of canonically bi characters are villainized and othered in gaming culture. But if used well, it can be extremely empowering to see a bi person proudly and by default establish their identity within the framework of that game.

The video establishes three main criteria that a game must meet to be viewed as showing canon bisexuality - the showing of bi attraction across the board, not centering the player-character in the character's bi identity (ie I should see it even in playthroughs where I'm not romancing the character) and - the most important - we shouldn't take into account Twitter canon.

What is Twitter canon? It's when the developers/story leads "out" the character in their interviews, but continue to not address their sexuality in canon. As Verilybitchie explains it, "game developers are much more likely to call their characters bi in interviews than in the actual games themselves. Using the word "bi" is not everything, it's not the be-all or end-all of representation, but games do tend to avoid the word "bi" like the plague. You know, like in real life!"

What Kara Loo essentially did, in the example above, was exactly that. Twitter canon.

LGBTQ+ Rep and PlayChoices

Before we go into whether Hana has a journey related to her sexuality or not, it helps to take a brief look at how queer characters are depicted on the basis of both being aware of their identity, and being public about it. In a game like Choices that has long considered its diversity in representation its USP, you will have at least one LI who is considered canonically gay/bi, at least two books have a trans character, and in a book with a gender-customizable MC, every LI should be assumed at least bi. That isn't even counting side characters who are canonically gay, bi, pan, aroace and non-binary.

So it's not about whether these characters exist. That is the game's setup. What is important then is the way their queer identities are contextualised. And I find that this manifests in four different ways (note: I'll be sticking to LIs here):

1. Mechanical Bisexuality: In Choices, the texts that show this most, are the ones that have gender-customizable MCs. Because the MC could be either male or female (or nonbinary, in one case), it is assumed that the LIs are automatically bi (there is a section of the fandom that would rather view them as "playersexual" but I'm going to pretend they don't exist). In books where the LIs are viewed by their writers solely as male romancing female MCs, the heteronormativity is apparant in the way they're written, esp their sex scenes (eg. when you see carelessly-written pronoun changes for a gender-customizable character). However, we do have examples that show the writers clearly putting some level of thought into that LI's interactions with a male MC. Think of how PM2 has Damien's ex Alana refers to him wanting a "partner" rather than a girl/boyfriend, or the scene where Ethan Ramsey has sex in OH1 with a male MC. However, these strategies are sometimes used in tandem with ones that make the character's queerness less apparent to players who may not be comfortable: think of how, in both OH2 and BSC - Rafael Aveiro and Dallas James' other partners/ex-partners are given the same gender as the MC, meaning that their sexuality would rarely or never be addressed across canon. There is also a disrespect from PB itself in the way coded sexuality is viewed - think of how, for instance, TE allowed for us to choose the MC's sexuality in the beginning, yet in the service of a diamond scene claimed "you can change your mind" and used the split-attraction model as an excuse for this framing.

2. Out and Proud: Queer characters who are either confirmed or assumed to already be out in public. Often this includes characters who romance female LIs in genderlocked books but who never reference their sexuality in the books and aren't treated any differently when they openly romance the female MC. Generally it is assumed that they are comfortable in their identity and publicly identify as such. In most cases, PB does this as a way to not talk about sexuality, but in comparison to the categories following, it can be somewhat mitigated by the implication that this character is out and proud.

There are examples where the character can hint at, or talk about their journey though. Lily Spencer (BB) starts out dating another woman, and tells us by Ch. 3 that she was a "nerdy, bi black girl growing up in rural Wisconsin". You have Emma Hawkins (HSS) mentioning her coming out to her parents, and Zig Ortega (TF) casually coming out to his friends when he says he finds James' friend Teddy attractive. You also have Teja Desai (RCD) speak of romantic escapades with a girl in the first book, and confirming she is lesbian to her friend Seth in the second. We have two transpersons (Aisha Bhatt of BP and Andy Kang of ILITW), two nonbinary people (Cameron of HSS and Wren of AME) and one aroace (Zephyr Hernandez of TE) who are also comfortable in their identities and give us small insights into their journeys. These moments and dialogues may be fleeting, and may have very little to do with the character's current arcs, but they add a lot of rich detail to the characterization and give us an insight into their journey as queer people.

3. In the Closet: Characters who are out to themselves but still in the closet. Usually, they are aware of their sexuality, have been for a long time, but cannot - for personal or professional reasons - come out. The MC is often faced with someone who knows they are gay/bi, but is navigating a relationship with, or supporting them while they deal with whether they can be so in public or not. Struggling with coming out can be a character arc in itself for these characters, and notably PB has focused on some of their journeys.

An excellent example of this is Kaitlyn Liao (TF). In Book 2 she tells us she's been aware of her sexuality since school but had never been in a relationship before the MC ("I knew I liked girls, but it seemed like a total fantasy that anyone would like me, you know?"). The entirety of the second book is dedicated to her coming out - first to her friend from Texas, Arjun, then to her parents - one of whom takes time to get used to this truth, but who unequivocally supports her at the end of the book. You also have Eiko Matsunaga (MoTY) who cannot come out at her workplace but is outed by the homophobic Vanessa. This is also a subplot often used in some of PB's historical stories (as well as the next category) - Annabelle Parsons (D&D) and Gemma Montjoy (TUH) imply their awareness of being attracted to women, but have to keep their sexuality a secret because in their time their identity is not only deemed unacceptable, but also invisible (at least in Annabelle's case).

4. The fourth category is what I sometimes dub as "Baby Gay/Bi/Queer".

Unlike "In the Closet", these characters start out unaware of how they identify, and their realization that not only does the (female, in all these cases) MC capture their attention in a way they don't expect, but that it goes beyond her into who they are and who they feel romantic attraction for. In at least two of these cases, those LIs (both are lesbian) openly say they will never again lie with/date another man.

I won't talk about Hana now, but I will briefly touch upon Sabina (ACOR) and Ava Lawrence (MFTL). Sabina lives in ancient Rome, was married off as a child and is under the thumb of an abusive man. She is a deeply traumatized woman when we first meet her, and the MC must peel through her many layers of pain and repressed anger to finally help her find freedom. A fan-favourite Sabina scene references the poem "One Girl" by Sappho, the poet from ancient Greece so intimately tied to the history of LGBTQ+ literature that two terms came both from her name (sapphic), and the name of her birthplace (lesbian, from Lesbos). Ava, on the other hand, is still in school, overcompensating in her relationship with Mason, battling her confusion and feelings for the MC, before coming out to their classmate, Bayla. In a rare instance of inspired writing from the MFTL team, Ava describes the words as being "ripped out" from her, and Bayla becomes a source of comfort and solidarity when she reveals that she, too, is a lesbian. She is paired either with her or with the MC, who is also written as canonically bi. We are also told that she comes out to her parents later on, and gets their support.

As you can see, Sabina and Ava being "Baby Gays" allows for some great scenes, where they can strongly assert their identity as lesbians and find a happy future. The problem lies in how the writing teams often write them and their journeys as if they are outside the scope of the story, not valuable enough for consistent exploration. In their respective books, both Ava and Sabina are often written out of the events and rarely given much attention. Financially they are given far less chances to rake in money because the scenes are so few and far between, and structurally, they are overshadowed by their male counterparts. Of course that is a factor that affects female LIs across the board, but in the case of this particular type of character, it is even more damaging.

It is important, especially for these characters, to have more space and attention given to this arc in particular, because it is their central arc. We are watching their coming out journey, their discovery that they are not straight, in real time. And it is essential in such cases - if you're a company that cares about representation - to allow that arc to blossom outside of the MC, and to center these LIs first and foremost in this story. And it is important because they tend to be the most vulnerable - often coming from familial/societal structures that don't allow them to even question what their families expect them to feel (in at least two of these examples). In their stories they deserve support, they deserve space to explore that aspect of their identities - with or without the MC - and if narratively possible, they deserve to know that they are a part of a large community. Depriving them of this can send a damaging message, esp if you're a company that benefits from being viewed as acting "inclusive", with a "lack of heteronormativity" in your stories. (HAHAHA)

Hana as a Baby Bi

Hana gets her first proper kiss, ever, in TRR1 Ch. 16 (optionally). She sleeps with someone for the first time, ever, in TRR2 Ch 18. While this is par the course if you're not the person the MC was joining the competition to win (Drake, too, gets his kisses and love scenes late in the story), the story is insistent that these are things she's never experienced before. What does this mean, and why was it necessary in Hana's case to take this long?

If you choose every single romantic option with Hana in TRR1, you will notice a slow, but subtle progression. She blushes and doesn't directly comment on how this affects her in almost all these scenes, but from her room to the Cronut shop to our dancing lessons to playing piano, to...finally...confessing her feelings before the Coronation, we find Hana slowly getting comfortable with the intimacy of touch.

If we were to go by Hana's own account, most of the girls/women she'd interacted with thus far hadn't shown much of a desire to interact with her: they're described as either privileged, pampered women who saw her as a rival (much like Olivia and the other noble women do in the beginning), or as people too wrapped up in their own interests to notice her (as she hints in the dressage scene). Even a "nice woman" is a novelty to her.

The MC turns her notions of how other women act on their head as soon as the two meet, and we find that every word that indicates attraction, and every touch, seems to surprise her with how much it affects her. In the bakery where they have cronuts, she is shocked enough by her own response to immediately withdraw her hand, and she seems to have an experience she didn't at all expect when she teaches the MC the romantic Cordonian Waltz. But by the time she plays piano for the MC, she seems to feel more comfortable around her, allowing the touches to now linger. By the time of the Beaumont Bash, she is enthusiastic to retry her first kiss, showing us just how much she's progressed in establishing a sense of comfort with this woman she is learning to love.

Romantic, sensual touch is a novelty to Hana not only because she's new to the idea of a woman being with her. It's because she is new to the whole concept of sexual desire itself, beyond the books she may have read. She is so new to what it's like to passionately love and be loved by someone, that when she finally confesses her feelings to the MC in her Ch. 17 diamond scene, her words come out confused and almost inarticulate:

In the second book, while she is comfortable with kissing and light makeouts in most of their diamond scenes, she places boundaries when it comes to sex, because the experience is not only new but something she can only feel comfortable doing when she's confident of her relationship with the MC (as implied by the way the narrative stops short of sex in her last two individual scenes before her proposal). But this is perhaps something I will be addressing later on in this essay.

Touch and romance with the MC is central to how we read Hana's sexuality - mostly because it's the only way we can get a clear idea of her sexuality journey overall. The narrative doesn't want to even think about it otherwise. There is no dialogue that refers directly to it, no interactions with other people that directly references her having feelings, no indication of this part of her identity. So a lot of my reading of Hana as a woman learning other sexualities besides "straight" exist...is based mostly on her interactions with the MC.

There is one huge catch to this, though.

There is no scene of Hana's, across the seven books of this series, that references her sexuality - lesbian or bi - by default.

The Discomfort Around A Sapphic Hana

To elaborate on that last sentence - most of the scenes I mentioned above? Are part of diamond scenes. With friendly options. Some of them have more friendly options than romance, in fact.

In the sub-essay on LI!Hana and Friend!Hana, I made a comparison between the three confession scenes at the Coronation Ball. It was clear that the MC would learn about the male LIs' feelings for her by default, and can have Hana openly confess in the free option for the scene, but you have to push the romantic options consistently for Hana to state it in her diamond scene. Her "confession scene" can absolutely be played without ever once referencing her attraction to the MC, simply by the MC friendzoning her first. And unless you choose a romantic option in TRR2, Hana never, ever talks about this attraction for you again. Perhaps the only indication of her feelings that happens by default, is Olivia's calling out of the MC prior to Coronation Ball ("It might be fun to buddy up with Hana...but at the end of the day, she's going to go away heartbroken. And have you ever considered that you might be the cause?"). It hardly even sticks because it's brushed off so casually afterwards.

It is possible - even easy - for you to go through this entire series and the subsequent one, without hearing a single word from Hana herself, about either her love for the MC, or what it means for her to realize that she can love women.

What is absolutely striking about this when you look at these bits of writing as a whole, is how much the comfort of a straight (and possibly homophobic) female player is prioritized in the way Hana interacts with the MC. Hana's love for the MC has to be tailored to fit the player's comfort - Liam's and Drake's do not. A Hana who is told that the MC doesn't love her back is supposed to return immediately to "best friend" mode - no lingering sadness, no regret, her feelings are simply not allowed to have value on their own.

This is disturbing in itself. But perhaps this would be mitigated by seeing Hana's sexuality play a role in other exchanges that may have at least a romantic aim, right? So let us further explore other possible relationships, even the ones where she has no interest yet must enter in with the intention of marriage:

Peter

The Cordonian Waltz scene with Hana in TRR1 is perhaps the only one where Hana's queerness is at the center - or at least hinted to be. There is a compelling collision between her growing feelings for the MC (if you choose to romance her) and the memory of a man who almost married her - who we never see in the actual book, but who is referenced in later scenes as a looming example of her "failure".

Hana speaks of Peter with a mixture of gratitude and pain - she is careful to tell us that he was a nice man who handled their situation more kindly than she expected him to, but is also aware that he had the privilege to expect sweeping romance from a relationship in a way that she never could. Her description of their engagement cuts into the pain of living in the closet - not only does she not love the man, she also feels immense confusion and guilt at her "inability" to do so ("even though I told him what he wanted to hear, I couldn't hold back the tears"). Whether or not the MC flirts with her in this scene, this story (thankfully) features, and has all the power and intensity that you'd expect from a scene about a queer person in a closet.

Back when TRR1 was the only book out, many players found this scene hinted strongly at Hana being lesbian, and I'm inclined to agree. There is an emotional intensity that suggested a realization that she couldn't love a man, couple with her attraction for a woman. And while honestly Bi Awakenings can be just as powerful, I can see why it would be read this way more.

(This is not the only time we learn about Peter. Hana's subsequent stories about him tell us one very interesting thing about her life with her parents - that she is not only closeted, but also a virgin. At truth-or-dare, she describes her first kiss with Peter as a staged performance that crashed into disaster when he missed and punctured his lip on her earring. The first time the MC seriously makes out with her, Hana tells her that her relationship with Peter had always been chaste. Canonically, she has never had sex nor actual sexual contact before the MC. This puts her in a doubly vulnerable position because not only is she in the closet, but she also has no rubric for what sexual dynamics are like, and that can change how certain LI scenes could be read. For instance, when the MC who is engaged to someone else sleeps with Hana, there is an added layer of exploitation, considering there was no readiness for sex when they were not official.)

We are never given a default scene that even picks up on the threads Hana leaves with this story. But ironically, Peter is referenced twice by other women to label Hana a failure. It really goes to show you what the team thought the most important takeaway from this scene was.

Liam

The two things to keep in mind with any interaction that features Hana and Liam is that 1. They're both LIs, and 2. Hana is a lady of the court, and ladies of the court are often given limited interactions with Liam (at least, if you're not Olivia) because the focus of his story is so trained on the MC. So they're friends in group scenes, have a handful of interactions independently, can speak positively of each other to the MC - but there is never going to be any closeness that can be misinterpreted as romance.

Hana's stated purpose when she enters Cordonia is that she hopes her chances at marrying Liam will be better than that of marrying Peter. Yet, romance wise Liam is a non-factor for Hana early on. There is no question of her having romantic feelings for him, and because Liam's story is (from the beginning) primarily about the conflict between doing his "duty" and loving the MC, there is no expectation from his end either, which means the transition into stating they are friends happens pretty soon after the social season ends.

We have dialogue from both of them speaking about each other even outside of group scenes (Liam telling us why he appreciates Hana as a friend in NY, Hana telling us an adorable story of Liam helping her on her first day in Cordonia) but very little that references the brief time when she was supposed to woo him. Which is alright, because it hints at an easier and less painful dynamic than what she had with Peter, and a far less annoying one than what she has with Neville.

Unfortunately, however, the narrative seems to add her not being picked as Liam's bride on her "failure" list, which is egregious when you realize that literally no other woman from the same social season is measured by that ridiculous, sexist standard. It also points to a disturbing aspect of the worldbuilding in general, but I'll get back to that a little later.

Rashad and Neville

These two characters enter at a rather interesting point in Hana's story. She is either interested in the MC, or not interested in any relationship at all, but faces threats from both her parents and Madeleine to either get a male suitor or leave Cordonia. Even the MC, regardless of her feelings for Hana, is viewed positively in this scene only if she stands in as Hana's wingwoman, with her optional offer to be a suitor not even seen as a viable option. No matter whether there is a romance or not - the MC seems strangely distant from the very real possibility that her potential lover may be forced to marry another man, which is a real contrast to the possessiveness and scorn Drake's MC can optionally show when it comes to Kiara.

The one good thing that comes out of this subplot is an awareness from Hana, that these two are not viable options for her anyway. Straight off the bat, she can by default consider them boring, and the few times she speaks about them she can articulate what she finds dissatisfying in her interactions with them. Rashad recedes in the background once it's clear that Neville likes her more (though he briefly features in TRR3 to help Hana with a contact for her father's business). She is eventually allowed to push back at Neville, independent of her argument with her father, and let him know exactly what she thinks of him (on the flip side? She does this in defence of Drake, and Neville becomes the main antagonist in Drake's TRR3 subplot from that point on).

As I mentioned in the previous essay, Neville is Hana's final straw when it comes to obeying her parents. He is disagreeable enough to her that she has to put her foot down. Whether or not the MC takes an interest in her, Hana clearly feels marrying Neville is beyond even her limits of endurance, and the prospect of marrying him coupled with her defence of the MC is part of what propels her to defy her father in Shanghai (Sadly, what could have been a default coming out moment is instead turned into an vague argument about friendship and self-reliance).

This may work...as long as it is a springboard to Hana's self-discovery both within and outside of her romance with the MC. If it is something that opens her up to either dating, or figuring out who she is and what she likes romantically. Which...doesn't exactly happen.

These are the men we see with "relationship possibility" in Hana's story, yet it is clear that she has no romantic interest in any of them. The dynamics with some of the men (esp Neville) revolves around her discomfort with those relationships. We do not see any other examples of this furthermore in the text, and often this is used as an example of how she can't possibly be bi (which is honestly a legitimate argument when you take into account what we said earlier about "Twitter canon"). The MC is the clearest indication for her preference for women...except that it centers the MC more than her, and mostly depends on the player's comfort with her sexuality to even be seen.

With that said, do we have any examples of her having anything romantic with women? Women who aren't the MC??

Madeleine

"But Lizzy," I can hear some of you say, "what about Madeleine?"

Which is a fair point. Every LI had an alternative LI (though Maxwell's was scrapped almost as soon as he became an LI) and Hana was no different. Madeleine was very clearly intended, by TRR3 at least, to be Hana's alternative LI. On the surface, this should sound like a good thing, right? Hana's sexuality and feelings for women could be acknowledged beyond the romance with the MC, right??

Well...if you like bully-victim "romances" that revolve around the bully, I guess.

If you squinted, maybe you could see something that would pass for a hint of romantic symbolism in TRR2 (the bachelorette activity Hana had planned for Madeleine hints at her believing the two are supposed to have a date after the chocolate fondue party), followed by a handful of scenes in TRR3 where Madeleine could imply having a crush on Hana (these scenes only appear in her single playthrough). In between these two things...is Madeleine's admission about wanting to "break Hana".

I've already addressed the chocolate incident and its implications in the essay of "The Ladies of the Court", so I'll be skipping straight to the "romantic" implications of that scene and how that "romance" is framed thereafter.

Many Madeleine stans often treat the chocolate incident as a one-off, which is not only wildly inaccurate but callous in its minimization. Madeleine in her position as Queen-to-be, constantly reminded Hana of their power dynamic and in fact threatened to send her back to China if she didn't manage to get a suitor. The source of a lot of Hana's anxiety in TRR2 revolves around very real threats Madeleine had made. The chocolate incident wasn't just one bad thing Madeleine did that one time, but an escalation in a string of abusive and threatening behaviours. Which means that once the writers established Madeleine and Hana as possible endgame (as they clearly wanted to do), they were faced with the choice to either address what Madeleine had done to her and have her face consequences, or retcon it completely to make the romance easier for Madeleine. They chose the latter.

On the surface you can tell exactly which trope the team might have been going for - the Armoured Closeted Gay/Bi that usually involves a gay/lesbian/bi character dealing with their discomfort of their sexuality by harming another gay/lesbian/bi character. (We've seen a variation of this in ILITW, with Lily Oritz and Britney - except that the situation revolved more around Lily's unresolved feelings for a bully who was once her friend, and she had the freedom to choose differently when Britney disappointed her at the end. It's still problematic, but Lily is given a healthy sense of agency within this dynamic). This trope often involves bullying, which is justified as them coping with their confusions and possible self-hatred. There are ways to ensure the victim is centered in such a dynamic and not the perpetrator (which you can see, to an extent, in an example like Lily's), but it can also center the bully and ignore the victim's perspective. In Madeleine's case, this trope was part of a bigger "redemption" arc - one in which she was a patriot with a neglectful and overly critical father, grieving her lost chances and learning to find purpose in her new job - with Hana being subtly positioned more as a prize for her dedication, rather than as a person with her own opinions and agency. It shows in the way their interactions in TRR3, when the narrative was trying to subtly push the ship, are framed.

There are five distinct scenes total in Hana's single playthrough that hint at the possibility of this relationship in TRR3. Madeleine's "stupidly perfect" dialogue in Fydelia, Hana and Madeleine cross-referencing each other in their scenes at Costume Gala, Madeleine's nonapology and offer for a dance in Vegas, Madeleine's reaction to the Hana MC asking if she's "jealous" prior to her wedding reception (she reacts a bit flustered about Liam - the man she was going to marry - and Hana, versus her casual dismissiveness at the same question from a Drake or Maxwell MC). I'm not including the finale conversation, as that was an attempt from the team to backtrack on the ship completely, post backlash, and therefore features excuses that contradict canon to make Madeleine's reasoning sound legitimate. Three out of these five feature Hana, and you'll find a common thread in at least two of those scenes:

In both scenes, Madeleine hints at her attraction for Hana, but Hana is only ever allowed to be surprised and at the very most say that she never expected that from Madeleine (and while Hana can - thankfully - sound a slight bit suspicious of Madeleine's motives in Vegas, the "tricks" she mentions do not match the intensity of what Madeleine actually did in TRR2. Which makes sense, considering they were already retconning the chocolate incident altogether). The end result usually has Hana say...very very little about what she feels.

There is only one scene among these five that even allows Hana to vaguely imply any interest in Madeleine at all, in fact - at the Costume Gala while talking with the MC and Olivia:

The writers made a subtle distinction between her compliments for Madeleine in her single playthrough, and Kiara in her LI one, by having them be more personal for the former, and more neutral with passive language for the latter. But it is one in four scenes that have Madeleine talk more, express more, articulate her feelings more, with little space or agency left for Hana. Hana almost feels like an afterthought in these scenes.

In each scene that features the two in this "romance", Madeleine is the one whose thoughts and feelings matter. She feels Hana is "stupidly sweet and perfect". She thinks Hana's company is more bearable than most people's and that she would "be willing to let bygones be bygones" when the MC speaks of her earlier behaviour. She feels that mayyyybe she mayyyy have wronged Hana. She is asked if she feels jealous of the Hana!MC. She feels her abominable behaviour towards Hana would actually be justified if Hana had been "fake" like she'd suspected. And you will see this even in the way many fans who support the Madeleine x Hana ship frame the "romance" - Madeleine's feelings are explored more, Madeleine's actions are justified, excused or downplayed, and Hana's feelings and journey are clearly not as worthy of exploration.

We hear so much about what Madeleine thinks of Hana and almost nothing of what Hana thinks of her (until the epilogue, and even then Hana is allowed only a few lines about needing time to forgive Madeleine, while Madeleine's assumptions and excuses dominate the conversation). So even in the one other relationship that would have confirmed Hana's sexuality, the feelings of the woman who harmed her have far more value.

This leaves us with the MC, who is the only person Hana is actually allowed to express a clear attraction for, and who functions as the catalyst for her LGBTQ Awakening (another trope, which shows a queer character emerging into a realization of their own sexuality), yet there is no real space for Hana to move forward if the MC isn't interested. There is no real attempt to have her awakening lead anywhere if it doesn't benefit the MC. The narrative wants to give the MC the credit of being Hana's first, in every way possible, but cannot be bothered to move it away from the MC if she doesn't want to be.

And even if the MC decides to romance and marry Hana, the fact that they're a queer couple is hardly ever addressed. Questions that Hana could have as a wlw, are hardly ever brought up. In TRH1, while the writing changes to accommodate alternative ways of getting pregnant for a wlw couple, a lot of the dialogue seems to remain the same as it is for the male LIs (esp the ones about "making babies" and sex). When she marries the MC, the narrative forgets that Hana was ever in that damn closet to begin with!

In the end what Hana gets is a story that moulds the importance of her sexuality according to the comfort of the player, but that won't allow her to explore her sexuality on her own terms outside of the MC. It's a sexuality that centers the protagonist, rather the the actual person experiencing that journey. The only two romances PB allows her are about the other person, and very rarely about her.

But romances aren't the only way one can highlight a sexuality journey, though they are one of the most effective. Being part of the LGBTQ+ community...is also about community: about realizing that there are many others like you, and that you can find solidarity among people who have experienced similar journeys, about the LGBTQ+ culture of the place you're staying in. So...does TRR attempt to do at least that?

Heteronormativity and Cordonia

There are ways you can address sexuality if you don't want to push forward a romance. Have the closeted character meet other queer people. Have them join communities dedicated to LGBTQ support, and engage in activities that support queer people. Hana is a voracious reader so having someone recommend her books by queer authors wouldn't have looked out of place either (ACOR did a variation of "lesbian character reading lesbian literature" by having Sabina and the MC read out Sappho's poetry). Have her rethink feelings she may have misinterpreted as closeness or hero-worship of someone (eg. maybe a famous female celebrity) to realize that what she had was a crush. Sure, this may not center the MC, but if Drake can spend chapters whining about his sister and Maxwell can spend more chapters believing in the goodness of his obviously-evil dad, then dammit Hana could have been allowed space to see her sexuality beyond how it could benefit the MC.

Not only does the narrative NOT do any of this, but they also reinforce heteronormativity in several sequences, while aggressively retconning previous indications of it so to avoid addressing possible past homophobia.

I've mentioned before that the Cordonian Waltz scene is perhaps the closest Hana gets to speaking about her sexuality, in a roundabout, unaware way. While her engagement with Peter, and the reason behind their subsequent breakup is the center of her story, it is just as much about her parents' heteronormativity - where they would throw only men at her for marriage, where Hana had clearly never even thought loving a woman was possible before, where the traits her mother assumes to be attractive to suitors tend to appeal to men in the court (acting like a damsel in distress, for instance). Everything about her parents' training screams heteronormativity.

The Cordonia of the first two books seems to reinforce this somewhat. It is depicted as a stiff-upper-lip sort of society that focuses on "propriety" and is squeamish about PDA, and most of the relationships we get to see in its world seem to reinforce heteronormativity. Perhaps the closest someone ever gets to openly mentioning they're queer is Maxwell in his TRR2 finale scene, where he speaks about flings with "people", which gave rise to the hc that he was pansexual. Hana herself gets to engage with a queer character or two (such as Marguerite from TH:M in TRH1) and even gets to encourage Kiara during truth-or-dare when the latter is asked to choose women she can date.

In TRR3, the narrative seems to lean more towards theories about TCaTF (equating the Great Houses to the Five Kingdoms, showing us weapons from those times, having more Duchesses than Dukes and having Liam remind us that one of their most iconic rulers was a woman), which didn't seem as heteronormative (eg. Tevan can casually talk about his male and female suitors in the middle of battle, Annelyse is openly flirting with Kenna when they first meet). In addition to this, the choice to make the reception from the public, of the Hana x MC relationship, the same as the other LIs...allowed readers to view Cordonia itself as a society that views relationships that are not openly hetero, as normal. Queer dynamics are okay, I guess, as long as the narrative doesn't have to work to show it.

Unfortunately, the lack of real thought and planning that strategy suggests, leads to moments that would seem out-of-pocket or strange in such a world, yet not treated that way.

A clear example of that is this scene. Cordonia at this point is supposed to not discriminate between men and women, and okay with same-sex relationships. Yet Hana - the closest we have (until the hints about Madeleine) to a canonically queer character - is considered a failure for two men not choosing her! In a narrative where, optionally, she is marrying a woman and on the verge of becoming a Duchess! And this persists even after her goddamn marriage when the queen of a neighbouring country can mock her the same way!

This is bad enough already. But from the same chapter emerges something even more insidious - the erasure of Hana's own background, especially the components of heteronormativity we saw in her Cordonian Waltz scene and the argument with her father:

"New money" was never a factor in Hana's family's reasons for choosing the matches they did - direct or implied. The gender of her expected partner was. Not once did Hana's parents ever try to put forward a powerful, titled woman of old money, and this story was filled to bursting with them. Hell, even the Cordonian Waltz scene shows us that Hana was never even allowed to think in the direction of loving women! Yet the narrative thought it appropriate to wrap up Hana's arc with her parents - whose isolation of her and control over her relationships led to her being unaware of her own sexuality for years - by erasing that very important detail.

The narrative itself treated even Hana's wedding as an afterthought. She was never really viewed as another bride, never given all the perks that the MC got. Their wedding was written (like Maxwell's) with glitches galore, including the infamous "husband and wife" label from the officiant that openly ignored the player's own choices just a few chapters before. And as I've mentioned in previous essays, the writers made no distinctions between bride!Hana and bridesmaid!Hana at the reception, resulting in the uncomfortable image of Hana doing bridesmaid duties in her wedding gown. One book later, people were teasing Hana and the MC about all the sex they were having to make babies, and the only real difference between Hana's single and married playthroughs...was that married!Hana could learn she couldn't get pregnant. In her single playthrough, despite the core theme of her story being self-discovery, she was hardly given any life of her own.

When this is the way the narrative itself treats Hana's sexuality, what hope is there that they will allow her any sense of community with her queer identity, outside of the MC??

Lesbian or Bi?

It is a testament to how little Hana's sexuality mattered to the writing team, that even after the end of TRR3 the fandom was still debating over whether Kara's Twitter canon had any weight.

It didn't need to be this way. They could have made Hana's confession to the MC actually default. They could have allowed her to actively show interest in a woman (or a woman and a man) and center her in the story with that alternative LI, rather than treat her as a prize in a former antagonist's story. They could have even peppered the story with hints that she was going out, meeting other people, learning on her own that she was not straight and letting us know clearly what she identified herself as. And while sure, this may be too much to ask from a company that often sidelines its female LIs, the fault still lies with them for making her a person so deep in the closet that she had to come out to herself first. (Which, btw, they never allowed to openly or subtle reference in canon).

Hana was called bi by a story lead of the book. The same story lead claimed she was going through a journey of discovering this, yet nothing in her actual story supports that. She shows no attraction to any man in the books, but we also never see her show any real, obvious, consistent, canon-supported attraction to a woman that isn't the MC either. The only other possibility of a relationship revolves around someone who'd found joy in harming her, with little to no agency for Hana. Her sexuality was spoken of as "something she is still figuring out for herself" yet it's been six books since and we've heard nothing about what it is she's figured out.

The narrative would have lost absolutely nothing by making her a canonical lesbian, or even a canonical bisexual, yet pushed her into a version of the "mechanical bi" template where she could either show her attraction to ONE woman in particular, or just keep that aspect of herself hidden forever. And while one may assume that her "figuring out" of her sexuality happened offscreen, it is clear that her writers were too uncomfortable with her sexuality themselves, to provide clarity, to even want to give it any value beyond the MC's needs and desires.

In closing, if I were to sum up how TRR treats Hana's sexuality, it would go something like this:

Hana isn't allowed past romances. Hana isn't allowed future romances. Twitter canon claims she's bi yet only has her briefly talk to four men she's not even interested in. The only woman she's allowed to actually date is the MC and even that is moulded for the MC's comfort levels. The only other romance she's "allowed'' is with someone who wanted to break her, and she's hardly even allowed an opinion on that person's interest in her. Her parents are shown to be homophobic but when the team wants to soften them further they erase their homophobia. And then she is never, ever, EVER allowed even a sense of community with other queer people because the fucking world they built is actually so fucking heteronormative!!!!

It is clear, therefore, that even Hana's sexuality is written in a way that it's never about her - it is written for the MC. If the MC romances her, Hana's whole sexuality story begins and ends with this one person, with no future reference to what her closeted past was like or how her journey progresses beyond her marriage. If the MC rejects her, the narrative never bothers with what happens next for that story. It is the MC who romances her that benefits from her attraction, and the MC who doesn't want her love that benefits from her silence.

Hana's story of her sexuality - as with many other aspects of her writing - begins in uncertainty, but ends in erasure.

#hana lee #hana lee: a study in erasure #response reblog #el-dritchknight

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valleyrunearchives · 3 months ago

Text

Clouds and Castles: Not for the Faint of Heart

Rating: General Audiences Fandom: My Time at Sandrock Pairings: Unsuur/Builder/Logan Warnings: None

Chapter 1/1

Unsuur makes a noise of understanding before turning back to his spells list. Emerald is offering him some suggestions when Logan, who’s sitting on their other side, groans loudly, “How the hell did I let ya’ll convince me to play this?”

Emerald doesn’t skip a beat, simply looking over his shoulder to deadpan at him, “Because you love us.”

This was a request for @el-dritchknight! They requested a Long Fic of "DnD night turns Polycule" with their builder Emerald, Unsuur, and Logan!

Check out my Ko-fi!

“So… why can’t I use that spell?” Emerald smiles softly as Unsuur asks the question with furrowed brows in the middle of their Castles and Clouds campaign night. Justice chuckles, telling him, “It’s ‘cause you already used it, buddy.”

“Yes but I want to use it again. So, why can’t I?” Unsuur asks again.

The sheriff runs a hand down his face in fond exasperation at his deputy. Emerald stifles an amused chuckle before leaning over to point at Unsuur’s character sheet, “Look here. See how there’s a 1 next to the spell name?” He waits until Unsuur nods, “It’s the number of times you can use it before you have to rest. So because you’ve already used it one time, you have to rest first before you can use it again.”

Emerald doesn’t skip a beat, simply looking over his shoulder to deadpan at him, “Because you love us.”

He ignores the immediate flush that comes to Logan’s cheeks as the yakboy ducks his head into his serape with a slight cough. Unsuur gives him a look, one they can’t quite decipher, but they ignore it for now. Instead they continue to talk about various spells he could use for his turn. Owen, their party’s game master, waits patiently while the two speak together.

“Okay, I think I want to cast… bolide,” Unsuur finally decides. Owens takes a moment to flip through his notes on the spell before asking him, “Which target are you aiming for?”

Unsuur leans up a bit to look at their battle map. Emerald smiles again, gently reminding him, “Remember you have to be able to see the target for it to work.”

The darker haired man points to one of the enemy figurines, “So I can’t hit that one because they’re behind the pillar?”

They nod in confirmation. Unsuur decides on an enemy close to Logan’s character. “Aw c’mon! I could’ve handled him by myself!”

“You’re a gunslinger, Log’. You’re better at fighting at a ranged distance anyway,” Emerald tells him matter of factly.

He’d never admit it but the white haired man clearly starts pouting at that, mumbling something about it being horseshit since “he could just pistol-whip it.” Emerald rolls his eyes at him good naturedly. Owen, ignoring the bickering, rolls for a dexterity save but just barely fails it. He tells Unsuur to roll for the bludgeoning damage. Unsuur glances over at Emerald, not quite having the dice numbers down yet. “2d6 because it traveled over forty feet,” Emerald tells him softly, reaching out with one hand to grab the d6 to hand to him while the other he uses to brush some of his long purple hair back behind his ear, “So roll this one, two times.” When the damage is calculated up, Owen reaches over and lays the figurine down to signal its death. Justice cheers loudly at the downed enemy while Logan reaches around Emerald to shake Unsuur’s shoulder in happiness. Emerald takes note of the light flush on the quieter man’s cheeks. Interesting. Owen then asks Unsuur if he wants to use a bonus action to which the other man shakes his head no, ending his turn.

“Okay then. That means the next turn is… mine with the character… there,” Owen points to one of the remaining enemy figurines. He reaches up to stroke his chin for a moment before asking, “Emerald, where is your character right now?”

They point to their little artificer figurine on top of a stone balcony. Owen nods before humming while thinking again. He rolls a die without a word which has all the players at the table exchanging a look of confusion. “Alright,” Owen says, threading his fingers together in a way that seems sly, “With a cry of ‘for the glory of the queen!’ The enemy Kobold turns and strikes the pillar of the nearby balcony with its heavy mace, causing it to crumble and the balcony to start to collapse.”

Everyone jumps to the edge of their seats. “Wait! Is it trying to Kamikaze itself?! Can I run?!” Emerald asks a bit frantically.

“Athletics check please,” Owen tells him.

They scramble for their d20 and roll it frantically. Their hands thread into their hair, messing up the braid a bit, “A three? Are you kidding me…”

The saloon owner chuckles a bit, “Your character takes a second too long to realize what the kobold’s intent was. They valiantly attempt to regain their footing enough to get to stable ground but are unable to and, unfortunately, are falling back first towards the ground,” Owen tells him. Justice starts cursing under his breath next to him.

“No, I'm so low on health…” Emerald groans, dropping his face into his hands, “I really liked this character too… What a day to not have a healer…”

“Can I catch ‘em?” Emerald lowers his fingers enough to peek his brown eyes over the top of his fingertips at Logan. Owen blinks at him before asking, “What?”

“I’m close enough,” Logan points to his character on the board, “Can I catch ‘em?”

“Sure, I’ll allow the attempt. Also roll an athletics for me,” Owen tells him.

Logan grabs his own d20 and sends it rolling, not caring that it rolls so far to stop in front Unsuur’s setup. He leans up to look at the number as well as his character stats sheet, “Thir- No! Sixteen!”

Owen nods approvingly, “Logan, your character jumps at where Emerald’s is falling and just barely manages to catch them. It does send you both to the ground but you’re relatively unharmed.”

Emerald places a hand on his chest, sighing in relief, “Thank you. You saved my life.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Logan jokes with a smirk.

“Shut up,” The builder deadpans at him.

Logan chuckles before it cuts off as he starts looking around, “Hey, where’d my die go?”

Emerald checks his own and notices his d20 is missing as well, “Mine’s gone too.”

Justice clears his throat before throwing his thumb over to Unsuur. The quieter man is leaned far down to be eye level with the table, tongue peeking out a bit in concentration. Emerald smiles, “What are you doing, Unsuur?”

He removes his hands and shows the three d20s - his, Logan’s, and Emerald’s - perfectly stacked against each other. Emerald raises an eyebrow and gives him a questioning look. Unsuur smiles shyly, “It’s because we fit together so perfectly.”

Logan chokes on his breath as Justice drops his head onto the table, “Light have mercy on me… Just confess ya’lls feelings for each other and put me out of my misery!”

“Justice!” Emerald hisses just as Logan coughs out, “Feelings?”

“Uhm… yeah. Both of us. For you. Is that a problem?” Emerald asks, running their hands down their braid.

“No!” Logan says quickly, “Not at all.”

“Wait, is this happening in-game or in real life?” Owen asks with an excited gleam in his eyes.

“Real life!” Justice confirms, standing up swiftly and grabbing Owen by the wrist to drag him away from the table, “C’mon, you’re walking me home!”

“Uh okay. Bye guys, see you next week!” Owen waves as he’s dragged out of the saloon.

“We didn’t get to finish the battle,” Unsuur commented.

Emerald smiles, placing a hand on his arm, “I think in this case, it’s okay.” He takes a deep breath and turns back to Logan, taking his hand between his own, “But yeah we really, really like you… so…”

“Be our boyfriend?” Unsuur takes over to ask without a modicum of fear or embarrassment.

Logan whistles lowly, grabbing the brim of his hat to pull it down over his eyes, “Yer a bold one, ain’t ya?”

“It’s part of his charm,” Emerald gives Unsuur a fond look, who flushes a bit from it. Then they turn back to Logan, “So? Will you? Be our boyfriend?”

“... Yeah I think I will. Proper courtin’ says that I should take ya’ll out on a day. Whatcha say? Tomorrow at seven?” Logan asks them in return.

Unsuur nods as Emerald replies, “Sure. Are we meeting back here?”

“Nah. I got an idea. I’ll pick you both up. You two’ll just have to wait and be surprised on what I’ve got planned,” Logan tells them with a wink.

“I like surprises,” Unsuur murmurs happily with a blush. Emerald can say with a very deep certainty that, in this case, he does too.

#my time at sandrock #mtas #logan mtas #mtas unsuur #mtas builder #unsuur/builder/logan mtas #unsuur x builder x logan

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