#i do fine for myself
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I hate being so fucking poor hhh
I really do like my job and my boss but like...
#shit man#i dont want people to feel bad for me#i do fine for myself#but like yeah#i haven't purchased new clothes aside from one 20 dollar squid shirt i bought for my birthday#in like 5 years#all my devices are going to shit#my phone is 7 years old#my laptop 10#my desktop i dont even know but its shit the bed and doesnt really turn on anymore#newest thing i own is my kindle and i saved for months to get that#im just tired#its not about stuff really#its about like... having to admit that i really cant afford it i guess
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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whens megatron coming back
#transformers#transformers one#transformers fanart#optimus prime#megatron#elita one#bumblebee#b 127#i wish bee had a reaction to megatron leaving 😭😭😭#like thats a third of his friend group 😭#i feel like hed 100% be super clingy too#i wish megatron and bee had more screentime together....#annoying little yellow guy that u have to deal with#fine... ill do it myself...#i just want bee to interact with everyone and be happy and have fun and pplay with touys
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10 years later
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#fushiguro megumi#nobara kugisaki#itafushi#itafushikugi#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#least heterosexual group photo ive ever drawn tbh#u have the kings of subtle pda and their judgy lesbian third wheel#this does remind me a lot of the kind of art i used to do jhgdjghdfj#specifically that one furuba main trio piece i did forever ago. same vibe better art#anyway......i tried my best........ i tried so hard#i do not know how old they look . the goal was 25/26 but atp i've gaslit myself into thinking they look the same#especially megumi im so . throws hands in the air in defeat#but idk what else i can do cries at least i like it??? i think???????#i don't know!!! if they look younger than 25 whatever!!!!!!!!#why is it so hard fr me to make chars look older im gna slam my head against the door#maybe its fine. idc <- (lie)#in other news itfs are married fight me abt it . yuuji rockin the right hand ring fr Lack Of Finger reasons#also i am Eating nobara's fit . she might also look a bit younger than intended the more i look at her gDI why cant i have nice things#new hairstyle carrying tbh. i think she would a. grow it out and b. switch the side she parts it on to make Seeing easier#god just take it all tht really matters 2 me is low pony nobara and Rings On Fingers itfs#i did my time in yoi i know how to make wedding bands Work
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I’m sorry but I will truly never get over Ekko who lost his mentor and all his friends at a young age, then spent the rest of his childhood building a beautiful and strong community that helped get shimmer addicts off the streets and give them a new life that thrived off of trust, respect, and loyalty while slowly watching the girl he loves lose herself to her psyche and become an unhinged suicidal terrorist who he is unable to save despite repeated attempts at it. And THEN gets booted into an alternate reality where he learns he could have had EVERYTHING, the beautiful and thriving community, the education, his family, and the girl he loves and he heartbreakingly leaves it all behind because he knows he doesn’t belong there and he has to go back to save his people which he DOES multiple times at great risk despite knowing what overextending his z-drive could do only to end up completely alone in the end. The most selfless character in the entire series. That’s my boy savior.
#Ekko I love you so much#I wanted a happy ending for him so bad#FINE I’ll do it myself#arcane#arcane s2#arcane season 2#ekko#ekko arcane#timebomb
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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.
sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.
you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.
it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.
but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.
they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.
they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.
barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.
and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.
but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.
they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!
this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.
#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone#yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr#ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person#and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens#have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists#and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference#we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender#and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different#i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.
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One of my favorite parts about the writing of Howl's Moving Castle is how easy it is to write off all the things from our world at first as him just being a weird wizard™ (also thanks to bestie @jutenium for spotting this I wouldn't put it like that without you!!/pos). Sure, Sophie uses weird descriptions, but readers have every reason to believe them because of the way Howl is presented as a character. When Sophie says he wrote with a quill that doesn't need an ink, you wouldn't think it was actually a ballpoint pen, you would think Howl had just enchanted his quill so that it wouldn't need ink! When she adds that she can't make out a single word, you think he has matchingly terrible handwriting, but in fact Sophie has simply never seen a pen writing. When she sees the mysterious labels on his books, you think he's keeping a lot of obscure magical literature, but it's really just an encyclopedia and a guide like "Top 10 Rugby Tips." When Sophie notices the bottles in Howl's bathtub, you think they're some kind of magical jars where he keeps girl's hearts, but I'm almost certain that they're just 'Dove' and 'Head and Shoulders' that he's enhanced with his spells and put silly labels on. When you read Calicifer singing a song in a language Sophie doesn't understand, you think it's some kind of ancient cipher or code, but it's actually just a rugby song in Welsh that Howl sings when he's drunk. And finally, when you see the terrifying black door, which is completely shrouded in darkness, you imagine a passage to an eerie, mythical place, similar to what Miyazaki showed us - but it's just fucking Wales.
#howl's moving castle#sophie hatter#howl pendragon#howell jenkins#hmc#howl's moving castle book#hmc book#diana wynne jones#I love him he's a mess#he just goes 'I'm gonna make myself such a quirky horrible image so that no one wouldn't question the weird stuff I keep using'#('because no WAY I'M GONNA WRITE WITH A QUILL 20TH CENTURY GUYS)#and it WORKED#(Also that probably why Suliman can't do the same thing. He's too classic Royald Wizard™)#(and ppl would have questions to him)#(but Howl? He's fine guys he's like that All The Time)
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Quick doodles before I evaporate.
#jjk#geto suguru#satosugu#gojo satoru#Don't look to close these are so rough#“Girl dinner” I say to myself looking at the 500th tiktok edit of sato/sugu actually dry heaving wanting to crumble into dust#jjk is the worst thing ive done for my mental health in a while#anyway I still love them and wish they could have been happy together for a little longer#Didn't get a chance to hug your best friend and tell him how much he means to you in highschool#no biggie just do it in the afterlife#Jkjkjkjjkjkjk Everything is fine#my art#jujutsu kaisen
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Usopp nooo you got burnt i guess now i gotta lather this sunscreen all over your back…sigh…c’mere…..
#one piece#art#fanart#digital art#usopp#god usopp#sunkissed#i love you usopp#this is for all my usopp enjoyers#i was waiting for someone else to draw this but…#fine…i’ll do it myself….#YOURE WELCOME
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self-made north star
#art#coyote#coyotes#printmaking#linocut#linoleum print#traditional#traditional art#my art#i've had. so much shit going on lately artwork-wise and i've been scrambling to get like. five different things done this past#week i am TIRED and i have to teach every day this week i will be a fine paste come monday#when i can finally take a day and. not do anything. good lord#on the bright side my stuff is coming out well so. could be worse#i love youuuu lino prints#this one's big bc i was like. i want a coyote shirt but i know the vibes i want so. i will make it myself#i've been too busy to print this on clothes yet but. i will. by god
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Beautiful trans man for the lads :3
#gave him a halo towards the end cause why not lol#thot about angel wings then realized im not drawin all that#art#digital art#drawing#illustration#artists on tumblr#trans man art#top scar art#the top sacrs are kinda hidden maybe ill draw a piece that features them better#but i made them like stylized lol#artwork#could the body hair be drawn better? shore. couldi have looked at myself as a ref? absolutely. did i? eh sorta kinda#i like glanced at my arms and wa slike yeeah this is probably fine#the thing is some people stylize body hair really nice but idk how to do that lol#anyways need to draw dudes wearing short shorts so i can draw leg hair lolol#and ladies too of course of course#ill try my best i am mostly an artist that draws portraits lol#lgbt#transgender
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Joshua Jackson for Numéro Netherlands
#joshua jackson#numero netherlands#ok fine I’ll do it myself#like a fine fucking wine#I can’t wait to let him read me an audiobook
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the most difficult thing about growing as a person socially, as in getting out of your shell and noticing that you are, is that there will still be times when it doesn’t feel like you’ve grown at all! times when you can’t really connect with anyone around you, times when you fail to enter into an existing conversation, times when you say the wrong thing (or nothing at all when in hindsight you probably should’ve). but that’s also kind of the best thing, because that’s the thing that helps you realize that sometimes, it’s not you or your lack of skills or any shortcoming. sometimes certain environments just aren’t for you and certain people aren’t your people, and that’s okay. that’s human. it’s okay to not feel the progress you have made all the time.
#and that goes for every type of growth#backstory of this post:#after I came back after a few months of doing my international internship I felt so much more confident#it was easier making friends and walking up to people#i took more chances#and generally just heard it a lot from those around me who kept telling me how much i’d changed#this was further supported by my first office job that went pretty well#but then came my grad internship. and while i love the work and have met some great people I noticed it was difficult again#there was one office lunch where no one spoke to me at all! it was my first week and I didn’t know what to say#if i should even say anything#we were all sitting at the same table#not one person even glanced my way#it made me doubt myself; i was doing so well before#was that even real? why can’t I just speak up? this is not the way to connect with people#especially in my first week!#but you know what#i was still doing well. i just had to factor in the fact that these were all middle aged people talking about reality shows i didn’t watch#and bikes i knew nothing about#as well as people who knew i was the new intern yet didn’t speak to me at all even though I’d introduced myself to them all individually#and even so#people I couldn’t really talk to about MY interests outside of work either#my point being:#it’s okay to not feel a connection with everyone you meet#it’s okay to fall back into old habits even though you’ve developed new ones#it will never unravel the process you’ve made and the connections you’ve built#you’re doing fine#after this internship I will surround myself with people who reaffirm that belief#growth in the self#self love#positivity
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Okay consider Bruce Wayne is the very well known bankroller for the Justice League. Batman is still part of the league, but they don’t know he’s Bruce Wayne. So, due to Bruce Wayne being such a well known figure and very obviously connected to the Justice League, that has kinda made him a target for certain people which means the Justice League has decided to assign one of their members to help keep him safe. Insert notorious billionaire fighter Superman becoming the part time bodyguard of Bruce Wayne in this epic superbat romance
#where Superman falls in love with Bruce Wayne because it turns out he’s not that bad of a guy even though he’s billionaire scum#and Batman is not getting jealous of himself no sir#you’re crazy#this idea came to me while discussing comic book iron man so if you’d like to marvel this idea go for it#also feel free to make it any other hero but personally I’m more of a superbat kinda guy myself#i honestly feel like Superman is a bizarrely logical pick#because sometimes Gotham and Metroplois are like neighbors and Superman has super hearing/flight/super speed#(and all the other super powers that make him practically invincible)#also Batman obviously can’t do it because he hates all rich people and clearly has beef with Bruce Wayne (hence why they’re never together)#and Superman is such a swell guy obviously he’d be down to keep their bank account- I mean trusted civilian ally safe#this idea could probably still work fine with all the kids snickering in the background and maybe sometimes helping covering for Bruce/Bats#but personally when I read superbat I kinda like it to just be Batman and Superman 😅 not really Batfam and Superman#like this it’s own genera to me#anyways#my post#dc#dc comics#batman#bruce wayne#superman#clark kent#superbat#batman and superman#fan fiction idea#justice league
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wanted to practice some more intense angry expressions and what better excuse to further my agenda of giving megumi the emotional catharsis he deserves
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#fushiguro megumi#megumi fushiguro#yall know tht one juuzou panel gjkgdghjkdfhgjkgd#guess what was my ref fr bottom right#i think megumi deserves to scream real guttural at least once#i think it would be good for him and i certainly would not complain to see it#i love stoic emotionally constipated characters dont get me wrong but also like. come on. points at the 'whatever!' scene#he's so GOOD when he gets to be expressive like PLEASE#anyway i once again have to do everything myself in this house when it comes to this kid#so i am treating myself to 4 flavours of angry megu#here we've got a fine selection of enraged ; holding himself back from clocking a mf by a thread ; seething ; and tortured :D#the classic capricorn emotions#real talk tho anger is Hard to draw#also bad fr the state of my skin probably with the way i was subconsciously Making these expressions as i drew#gna give myself wrinkles at 24 i had my brow furrowed so deeply
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poor boy now counts wolves instead of sheep (sketch is under the cut!)
i think the first sketch of this deserves to be here as well it's so cute to me :D
#i actually love how it turned out#drew this while being very sleepy myself#deciding on colors was a great struggle tho#i didn't even plan red color here it kinda happened naturally and i was like ok i guess#wasn't planning blue colors there too#i love chaos i have no idea what im doing and it's fine#rdr2#rdr2 fanart#barghestland#john marston#art#artists on tumblr
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