#i didnt see this whoops

[jasperthejester]

me: finally accepting theres a good chance im autistic and starting to work up the courage to ask my parents to see if i could get a diagnoses but being scared to

my mom: do you ever think you have adhd? if you want to do a screening for add next time your at the doctors you can

me:

[huginsmemory]

Just. percolating thoughts about Bill, denial and his lies are lies. Bill as a character I'd say is characterized by deep deep denial. He's a character that's both aware and immediately not aware of his feelings and his situation; it's all very doublethink. It's about denying everything and drowning it all out (yeahhhhh big partier? Alcohol and drug abuse? Totally a result of being healthy; not to mention the dissociative episodes he APPARENTLY GETS???).

Because essentially, hes constantly warping his perception of everything occurring around this glass tower he's built of who he is, a ruthless, unfeeling tyrant of a monster, akin to a god (and beloved by humans when he deigns to charm them). This persona is something that he's made in response to his own belief that he's a monster, his own deep insecurities for being a freak and wanting to have proper connection, care and vulnerability with someone that he's lacked. It's a persona built upon self destructive tendencies, denial and the pursuit of pleasure for the purpose of drowning out anything uncomfortable, that he's practiced for trillions of years. And at the same time these insecurities that built this persona are all deeply denied in the way he'll deny that Ford meant everything to him but also when asked if Ford meant nothing to him, backtrack. He's both aware and not aware; he'll never have a thought of 'oh I loved Ford' because that is IMMEDIATELY repressed. He can't even admit that. It doesn't fit who he's supposed to be, it's vulnerable, and we can't have that. This triangle is more repressed than a fucking gay Catholic priest. He's both emotionally literate and completely illiterate because any emotions or situations that don't fit his fictional self gets immediately suppressed/skewed in perspective.

And that's how he's both good and terrible at manipulation, because he knows how to play people and can be very good at it, but his denial gets in the way. That's why you see him not talking about his dimension unravelling to Ford to ask him to make the Portal, instead of pulling the rug out under Ford; because it's vulnerable, it doesn't fit 'him as a monster' and even if it would get his way he can't do that. He mentally cannot even conceive of asking that and can't even in a way to himself accept that his dimension is unravelling and he can't do anything prevent it, can only take over earth instead. And he assumes that Ford will simply just bow to his will because that's what's supposed to happen, right? And it's the same as his lies about all the people he contacted over human history that were annoyed by him; he's too far in denial to even acknowledge that they didn't like him because hes supposed to be loved by all he tries to charm, that's why he puts the pages in to TBOB because he thinks it makes him look good, even if anyone looking at that goes 'yeah that's not what's happening'.

And this is all the most obvious with what he did with his dimension, his guilt around it because if pressed he will never admit those feelings, and he doesn't even admit it too himself; in fact when it's brought up by others such as time baby he gets angry, because his denial over the situation becomes questioned. And it's only ever one instance, that you see Bill admit to vulnerability, to admit to being actually aware of any of all these underlying feelings, and that's the moment that he shares unprompted about Euclydia with Ford, in response to Ford's own vulnerability... in which he indirectly calling himself a monster.

And it's all so fascinating, because if his denial is ever properly cracked enough, oh BABY you know that glass tower is going to shatter, everything is going to come down like a house of cards, and Bill will be left in the wake of everything that he's done, with nothing to shield him emotionally. And so isn't it better to be in denial? To deny he killed his dimension? Doesn't it hurt less than to admit all along it was guilt, it was insecurity, and that after his dimension burned, he's razed civilizations to the ground in denial and self-destruction?

post previous to this (similar vein)

[shesmore-shoebill]

"took off my shirt call that body horror" is a hilarious line.

also loved that the response to the demonetization apparently means zooming in on Amangela's reactions during particularly brutal scenes

and censoring curse words. except Amangela just repeat the curses anyway. so. you can roughly puzzle out what they are ASKFJSJFJD

[dustykneed]

Wow. surprisingly peaceful domestic moment. When will it be ruined? /ref Bones + Spock @ Jim (mcspirk)

here ya go anon !! thank you so much for the req<33

the reason bones and spock are always arguing is because every time they agree on something the universe will make jim do something completely reckless and stupid just to fill the old married couple bitchiness deficit in the space-time continuum. (also psst if jim hadn't interrupted his husbands in panel two spock would totally have worked his way up to resting his hand on bones' shoulder lmao)

[pup-pee]

i just i jist i justi just i just i jsut i just ji jstu kji just i just

“kinda” a redraw of this but not rlly like @ all

[catfindr]

ID: a petfinder listing for a cat named "Don't Ask." he is a domestic shorthair/tuxedo mix kitten from North Hollywood, California. He is a black and white cat, sitting and staring at the camera with his head tilted to the side. /end ID

[cirque-dhomosexual]

Diablo Cody I see you and I understand you!!! I see how you write morally grey characters who do fucked up shit but ultimately just wants to be loved and accepted by society. I see how you create characters who are a little weird and off putting but are loveable nonetheless. I understand how you see women's connection to each other and girlhood as a whole. I see how you write women's trauma and society's perspective on that. I see how your idea of a good man is a dead one. I g e t i t

[suppenzeit]

I raise my white sail, forever so lonely,

against vessels of steel

[zemi-noelle-art]

The hardest part of my Halloween costume is done! Can you guess who I'm gonna be? :)

[dol-dee]

@wolfgirlwrongs wonderful PCs Rey and Caris <3 I've been having a lot of fun drawing some of the pcs from my dolgl comrades, in the dolgl server :)

Rey Askblog: @swanetic Caris Askblog: @sunnysidesneks

[bother-blame]

You say that no one appreciated you!? Bullshit! No one could stand to let you go! We never once abandoned you! It was all for you!

[dazedpainter]

fanart dump!!

i thought it'd be a good way to figure out my style in drawing transformers, but instead of going to canon transformers characters (COUGH IDW SIDE EYE) looked too cool so i got scared

ocs - swiping left to right from the beginning - belong to:

@ratchetsfataft -> @asimp4bee (smaller one's mine) -> @starheavenly -> @wishingstarinajar

YOU GUYS HAVE SUPER COOL OCS!! if any of this isn't cool with you just dm and ill remove it

[skitskatdacat63]

I drew all of my historical AU Sebs!!!!

In order they are(with relevant links to lore info if you are curious!!): Napoleonic Hussar Seb(x), Renaissance Muse Seb(x) and Boy King/Emperor Seb(x)

Let me know which you like best!!!

[shesmore-shoebill]

well. surprised and pleased(?) to report we've got some 2.6k words of fic written about the apple watch amangela thing hanging out in my notes (and then moved to gdoc bc i hit character count limit).

will be published once i figure out some more of the scene transitions and how to like. end it. (and have edited it at least once.) so. 👀

[averageclawcodeenjoyer]

Miles is the "Eeugh there's a bug kill it" or "Oh fuck that's creepy gotta get the boyfriend" kinda guy in the relationship

And Ganke is the "Oh, it's a bug. Let's admire it and put it outside gently." Kinda guy in the relationship. Maybe he thinks a lot about the poem about the crime of being small, and hey, he already loves bugs, so of course he's going to treat them with kindness. Miles gives him a disgusted look though when he sees him handling them. He's not a fan...

Ganke's like "We have no right to kill them just because they're right there. This is their space, their world. They're just kind enough to share it with us." (And the instrumental of Need 2 by Pinegrove is just playing in the background as the sun shines on him)

And Miles just side-eyes him and goes "Okay babe you're all wise and deep now will you please take care of the moth that's up in my bed it keeps flying at me and freaking me out."

BUGS.

[antipathy-arsonist]

(Looks at you with gleaming wide eyes ) an auditor or Phobos drawing perhaps..?

au dintor