#i didnt realize i was this far into the brain rot

[memurfevur-archive]

I apologize for the transformer theory dump

bro dont worry i am making the biggest sparkly eyes!

i suppose for the energon thing im sort of looking at TF Prime and some of the live action movies, where there were/are energon deposits in the earth.

it would be VERY interesting if trolls had discovered it and started using it for their things, mostly like ships and drones and stuff like that. i saw Rise of the Beasts last night so I guess I'm sort of incorporating a thought of 'the energon can be activated so what if its relatively unknown before it gets activated?' like maybe cybertronians would just recognize it best. its literally their life, between weapons and commerce and being tiny units of what makes up their sparks lol

yeah alternia probably is not a good place for autobot mentality except for some rebels and even then, yikes lol. factions like Star Seekers would probably do okay with Alternian ideals though

though now im thinking, perhaps there's a more neutrally aligned group of cybertronians on alternia? not all preachy on peace like autobots but not entirely corrupt with power like decepticons. stuck on the planet with no way home maybe they gotta make an unlikely alliance of sorts or the empire would eat them up, using their parts and sparks to further the empire's control. your point on metal suits is hella fascinating i love me some good fucked up lab experiments sdgfsdgfsd also imagine if Trolls found out how to do stuff like raising the dead more efficiently through energon/dark energon, sort of like what we see in Prime (people with necromancing trolls aside). imagine trolls being able to rise Drones up from the dead again and again and again even within the midst of battle, even more so if they somehow managed to make cybertronians into weaponized suits.

alternatively it may also be fun to think about Cybertron and Alternia possibly being at war. that kind of narrative might actually make some things easier, like why some cybertronians would be on alternia in the first place, why trolls might be aware of them and fight them, the conflicts between factions, etc.

though tbh i absolutely love the thought of a maximal/predacon or dinobot or something accidentally adopting a troll because their disguised form is some sort of animal/monster thing and trolls could mistake that for a lusus LOL its just funny to me

ugh now im kind of wanting some TF easter eggs in my homestuck sandbox o+< i think out of anything, energon deposits could be on Alternia. that could explain the evolution of [classic/helmsman] psionics, actually.

[lizaluvsthis]

Smg4: smg4 doesn't meme for 1 second

Mostly Gay Boys talk / and well lil bit of crew talk

SPOILER ALERT!

The crew convinced three to take four in for a therapy session. Tho that didnt solve his problems on complete brain rot with all of the memes.

Three did try his best to make him stay a bit focused on the topic they were meant to discuss with four's own meme problems.

And that didn't work-

- after smg4 was sent to meme rehab -

Everyone in the crew were sitting in the gaming room watching some tv, they were seen bored as ever without smg4.

Even just a small glimpse with each memeber entirely they've missed smg4 as well. He was their friend, their leader.

Shroomy came in with the mention of "among us" everyone- as in EVERYONE looked at where smg4 is supposed to be sitting at- reminded them the times when he would laugh at couple of meme jokes.

It is pretty much saddened by the crew how worse it could be in a day without smg4 is by at their side could make them feel miserable.

Then Meggy mentioned about missing smg4...

You know who responded to that?

Three himself...

"Yeah...like, if... er... smg4's stupid humor... like actually... made our lives more exciting...and we didn't like... realize it or something?"

"We're going over to that facility... to get SMG4 back!"

Smg3 was the one who knocked the door, he wanted him to come back. Even the crew also needs smg4 back because he wasn't just any other leader. He was already part of them as well.

They could all tell so, even for smg3 too.

Smg3's character development has taken him way more better to where he'd come far off being the evil villain he used to be before then coming to how much important he chose his own path.

"Hi, how are you" gave them the shock on their faces. Like they felt it was already too late to take back the treatment he was given while he was away.

"Woah smg4! Look at the phone! Wow, sk---di! Yeah you like this! Wooh! Sk---di t--l-t! Hehe. Stinky, woaaaaahh!" ★(I had to censor this because I hate reading nor hearing [REDACTED])

Smg3 attempted to try and brighten out his mood. Gave it a chance who mightve thought would work, giving him those meme moments that definitely would make him laugh.

But three didnt even know he wasnt even sure- if he even liked sk---di t--l-t.

Last time we know is that four almost lost his sh-t during that one cintent farm episode, he cringed to the part of mentioning this kind of brain rot.

But now that his mind is not any other that he'd act at all, smg4 became the normal. The person he wasnt supposed to be. Who SHOULDNT be.

"What is... a meme..."

Everyone didnt want to lose smg4's senses, they didnt want his own person to disappear SO. they went inside the lab to get back his uhh... meme... thing-

Then- yeah he did-

Some of their eyes were relaxed but still worrying for him, while tari and smg3's eyes were a bit widened in shock. (Three was more widened than tari btw)

This indicates that three may have grew tons of roots being there for smg4 as well. That their friendship they both have planted is far beyond than just "sticking" to the sides.

Now that Four is back in his senses, everyone joined in including smg3 to do the... t pose? Whatever it's called.

Three was so happy- to finally get him back- speaking of having the role as a tritagonist, he really mustve took way more care and tells how important he already is to him. Even as a friend.

Honestly the hosts here who've completely have done much was Meggy and Three. Well- mostly three since he'd been convincing the crew to not give up or regret the choices made.

He LITERALLY told them that they need to get him BACK.

And everyone did understood.

So- tell me- PLEASE THEY BOTH HAVE TO BE CANON ALREADY THERE IS JUST NO WAY YOU'RE MISSING A 'HOMIE' FOR THAT-

Mark my words they have to be- (if they dont become canon in wotfi 2024 i will cry and die)

There is literally no way you guys look at each other like that. Stare for atleast SIX MORE SECONDS. (/referring to Puzzlevision movie when FOUR HAD BEEN STARING AT THREE)

and then caring for one another so emotionally like- mate- THATS FRUITY ALREADY- ENOUGH- WITH THE "FRIENDS" WHERE IS THE "BOY" AND "FRIEND"??????

I cant- I cannot- thats how badly they both need each other and slow burn is just- literally... uuuuuurugghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

They both mightve had the longest slowburn i have EVER seen in the sun and moon shipping history/silly

This mostly takes alot of time (judging by like lumity or catradora)

But i wouldnt mind with this also- its- well- kind of almost there but not yet...?

[rintaroll]

❝ INSIDE THE LINES. ❞

— during matsukawa's time babysitting your niece, more than a couple realizations occur to you.

⊱┊pairing. matsukawa issei x gn!reader ⊱┊tags. fluff, established relationship, reader has a 6 year old niece and works at the bakery, food mention, mattsun has a sleeve tattoo :], unedited ⊱┊wc. 1.3k ⊱┊note. cleaning out my drafts hehe this was back when i had my mattsun brain rot (OH btw while writing this he works as a tattoo artist in my mind but i didnt mention it anywhere)

© RINTAROLL

"issei, i'm so sorry-"

"it's fine," matsukawa waves his hand dismissively. his eyes flicker to the clock on the wall. "when are you coming home?"

"soon. i just have to frost the cupcakes and wait for the customer to pick them up." you pan your phone to the chocolate cupcakes, fresh out of the oven and still steaming hot.

"those look really good, babe." matsukawa muses.

you hear a small voice squealing from behind the camera. "i wanna see!"

your boyfriend chuckles, eyes trained on your niece, himeko, whose ears have perked up at the word 'cupcakes'. the six-year-old scrambles onto the sofa, comfortably nestling herself into matsukawa's side. her eyes widen when she finally sees the cupcakes in all their chocolatey goodness. "yummy..." she says, eyes boring into matsukawa's phone screen, unblinking and shiny.

you pan your phone back to your face. "they're not for you!" you remind her.

"i know!" himeko sighs dramatically, strands of hair falling onto her face. mattsun effortlessly brushes it back. "i have to wait for tomorrow so we can make them together."

"yes, that's right." you nod in approval.

"why can't it be tomorrow already?" she pouts. mattsun doesn't realize, but your eyes are trained on him while he stares at your niece while adorning an amused smile.

"hm," you ponder. "maybe if you sleep early tonight, then tomorrow will come earlier?" a sly grin forms on your lips.

himeko narrows her eyes at you. "that's not gonna work on me!"

you shrug. "worth a try."

matsukawa snickers at your failed attempt to trick her. "smart girl," he praises her before raising one of his hands, which is met with a high five from himeko. your niece then proceeds to stick her tongue out at you.

you shake your head, but there's a smile on your lips despite you doing so. she might as well steal your boyfriend at this point, you think to yourself.

you can almost remember the good times—when himeko was four and hiding behind your legs, while matsukawa was crouching in front of you. she was terrified, little hands gripping onto your pants. she told you he looked like a gangster, with all the tattoos covering the entirety of his right arm. "what if he kidnaps me?" she wailed once he leaves, to which you comfort her by saying that he won't. from her skeptic expression and her glassy eyes, it was safe to say that she was far from convinced.

and yet now here you are. with your boyfriend and your niece in cahoots, conspiring together to overthrow you someday.

"anyways, i was calling because she wanted me to tell you she finished her coloring book, isn't that right, hime?"

halfway through his words, himeko lets out an 'oh!' and jumps up from the couch. she picks up her coloring book off the floor, where it was surrounded by an assortment of colored pencils and markers in disarray. flipping to the last page, she proudly shows off her latest piece of work. "look!"

you gasp, genuinely admiring the effort she's put into coloring in the drawing of a fish. considering how she's just turned six, she's done a wonderful job in coloring inside the lines. "that looks so nice! did you do that all by yourself?"

"yep!" she chirps, nodding excitedly before stopping to ponder for a moment. "hm... i guess, uncle mattsun did help me color the amenomies..."

"anemones," matsukawa stage whispers.

"right, amenemones."

you and matsukawa bite back your laughs. "it looks really good, himeko," you comment, still smiling.

himeko nods absentmindedly. it becomes obvious to both you and matsukawa that her attention is not on either of you anymore. she goes out of frame as she continues to flip through her coloring book and zeroes in on her work, leaving matsukawa the only one left in view of the camera.

your eyes flit to the top of your phone screen, clicking your tongue when you read the time. "alright, i better go and start frosting. the customer will be here soon. bye, himeko! bye, baby."

matsukawa's heart flutters helplessly. he will never get tired of you calling him that. "see you," your boyfriend beams. although still engrossed by her coloring book, you hear your niece mumble a soft 'bye' right before the call ends.

pocketing his phone, matsukawa turns his focus back on himeko only to find her tiny lips curled into a frown. "something wrong, sweets?"

she looks up, with her brows all scrunched up. matsukawa feels his heart melt at the sight. "i'm out of pages. what will i color now?"

"i'll buy you another one tomorrow, okay?" he pokes her nose.

with a giggle, she scrunches her nose in effect. "okay."

an idea spontaneously strikes matsukawa. it might be one of the best ideas he's had in a while—the realization that himeko brings out his creative side more often than not quickly becomes an afterthought.

"actually, hime..."

her ears perk up, big eyes staring up at him. those big, doe eyes he has not learned how to say no to.

"i know something else you can color."

matsukawa was sure he saw himeko visibly light up when he offers his tattooed arm. he doesn't need to tell her twice. she expeditiously collects her markers off the ground—she's big enough to know that pencil colors won't be able to color in your skin!—and spreads them out on the sofa next to where both of them sit.

snuggled into his side, matsukawa has his tattooed arm around her as himeko starts to color in the tattoos from the ones on his forearm. "i'll make sure your arm looks extra pretty!" she exclaims excitedly.

"can you make it look as pretty as you are?"

himeko tilts her head to the side as she thinks of an answer. "hm... maybe. i'll try." the earnestness in her answer makes matsukawa chuckle.

as himeko continues, her inquiries about his sleeve don't stop. did it hurt? (just a little bit.) what's the meaning behind this one? (there's no meaning to that one. this one, however...) are you gonna get a tattoo of y/n? (i already did.) can i get one too? (matsukawa laughs awkwardly when he hears the last question, immediately changing the topic by asking her what her favorite color is. he doesn't want to get into trouble.)

the conversations tone down when himeko makes it halfway through matsukawa's forearm. he knows himeko turns quiet once she's focused. it's only when matsukawa feels her marker slip that he realizes that she has nodded off. making as little movement as possible, he closes the cap on the red marker that she was holding and puts it aside.

half an hour later, you tip-toe into your living room with the intention to surprise your boyfriend and your niece at heart. as you get closer, suspicions start to arise when you realize that it's awfully quiet.

wait, are they-

oh.

they are.

your heart blooms at the precious sight of matsukawa and himeko fast asleep on the couch. matsukawa's head is lolled back on the back of the sofa, his arms around himeko as she is curled up into his side. they look so comfortable and peaceful, soft snores coming out of the both of them with hideko's head rising up and down along with matsukawa's chest with every breath that he takes.

you just finished snapping a quick picture when realization sets in.

and no, it's not about how matsukawa has successfully won her over for good—that realization has set in a long time ago.

but it's realizing that you want to spend the rest of your life coming home to this sight. him dozing off on the sofa, waiting for you to come home, and maybe a child, or two, of your own curled up next to him.

vocabulary !

himeko is written like so: 姫子 in kanji. 姫 (hime) means princess, while 子 (ko) means child. mattsun's nickname for her is hime, which essentially means he calls her 'princess'.

[formula-fun]

my love. today I read your venom au finally (idk why I was putting it off, probs bc I wanted to enjoy as much of it as possible before I go into venom!max brain rot). RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ABSOLUTELY AMAZING FIC!!!!!!! DETHRONED YOUR OWN ABO FIC FROM MY LIST OF ALL TIME FAVESSSSSSSSS

in all seriousness tho, I loved it so much, max is so silly there:] he's just a big goopy lad who's obsessed with his human and I have to respect it (me too, mate, me too).

now my love, I have a question that burns me which I'm afraid I have to ask: how upset is max that he can't get his human pregnant? and does he make his indignation with charles' biology known? alternatively: mpreg? 🤲🏻? venom style mpreg? 🤲🏻🤲🏻? for me? 🤲🏻🤲🏻🤲🏻? lestappen with a lil goop baby that wrecks havoc and who lives in charles' pockets? 🤲🏻🤲🏻🤲🏻🤲🏻?

thank u for the fic mwah mwah kissing you loving you all that shabam

my LOVE! thank you sm i'm glad you liked it!! <3333 dethroning if i had words is CRAZY my evil little goo fic has come so far hashasahsah no i have so much fun writing them being silly and bullying each other in charles' brain, it's a good time!!

and im gonna write under the cut because i love this question, i have many many many thoughts. this is also gonna show how little regard i have for the source material unfortunately. but im having FUN

so i wrote a snippet a little while ago abt max's reproductive cycle because apparently this au wasnt weird enough, and basically long story short HE can get pregnant and has in the past, but symbiote babies are very vicious and hungry and their first act in life is usually either to eat their parent or be eaten. so max's parenting instincts are pretty nonexistent. they also reproduce asexually, so his mating instincts are similarly nonexistent. sort of. for a while

max is in love with everything about earth though. he loves that so many creatures instinctively care for the young of even other species, he loves that reproduction is a decision between two parties, he loves that humans devote so much of themselves to raising their young. he finds it all kind of sweet, but the weight of it didnt really click until charles found out max could have babies but was disappointed to learn they couldnt raise them and love them like humans do. its like he hadnt really considered that could even be possible for them, but once he learns there might be a way he goes all warm and soft and max is like ??

cause then max realizes all at once, like. he wants to make something with me. he wants to do the things that humans do when they raise their young, he wants to be with me forever and ever, he wants me because his oldest most ancient instinct thinks i would make a good mate and i would take good care of his babies. he wants to have sex because it feels good and he wants it to be me because he loves me, but maybe also he wants it to be me because he wants me to help him make something thats a little bit of both of us?? and welcome 2 earth alien blob max w a breeding kink

and i dont know, i would like to say they find a way around the problem eventually. maybe there's some way it works out? maybe it's some sort of nature vs nurture situation where max's babies end up being super chill because they were raised in a loving environment, or maybe symbiotes arent driven by a base urge to consume, it's just a product of their hive mind which has been silent since the civil war started. maybe any babies max has end up taking on a lot of charles' characteristics simply because charles was hosting him when they were created. it's possible they find a way around it and get a lil goo ball to call their own. maybe max almost does eat it until he feels how anguished charles is abt it, and then he looks down and registers that their baby is the same soft pink as charles' palms and eyelids and the tips of his ears, and all at once he just can't do it

but yeah definitely a lot of room here for exploration and discovery to say the least dfjskfjsdf

[evilminji]

Problem! HE HAS A PHYSICAL CHEST. Not to rain on anyone's parade or anthing... but this is ABSOLUTELY a very real problem. Jason is NOT A GHOST. He WAS a Ghost. Superboys Prime's tantrum punch Undeath'd him. He's not even a halfa... because, again, he DIDNT DIE thanks to Prime-y's tantrum "fixing" it.

He's not half dead. Or Undead. He's DE-Dead. His soul moved on, became a ghost, had a core, and THAT core was lead to believe he once again "moved on" when his sentient mind was RIPPED AWAY by the Lazarus trying to stich his soul back into his body properly. There were multiple realms involved in his soul's existence but only ONE of them got effected by The Tantrum Punch.

He's basicly a ghost with no brain sown crudely into his own living corpse. With rotting string. In a dump. NOT GREAT for his health is what we're getting at here! The fact that he functions AT ALL is a testimont to his incredible will power. But the spiritual medical complications are? Unspeakable and hellacious. Dear sweetJesus, he's basically vomiting tar.

Then we have Hal? He's a bit of an asshole. He knows he is. But so is this particular ring! For some reason that no one can figure out, it found its way basicly STRAIGHT to this quadrant and has been hovering around Earth like it was WAITING for a chance to choose somebody. Was even both petty and pissed when his original ring got to him first thanks to the accident.

He didn't even know rings COULD get petty.

But when his og ring got cracked in a nightmare of a fight? And he NEEDED a backup? There it was. Shooting in to save the day. He was able to get OGy fixed up... and, you know, LIVE. Soooo, he may have kept it.

I know, I know! Not supposed to DO that. One per lantern. But the little guy seemed to REALLY want to go to Earth! It likes humans. He figures he could just... carry it around you know? Maybe he'll find who it's looking for. Help them learn to be a lantern.

And in the mean time? He has back up. A double charge. Hell, Feisty even gets along with OGy these days! They barely bicker. He hadn't even REALIZED how much each ring had its own... not personality, so much, as bias almost? OGy is super "Facts not Emotions" and kinda grim but Feisty is more "Hope in the darkness" and "let's punch um in the face!", ya know? Plus it LOVES cataloging literary collections. OGy goes for the historical figures.

That said, has he heard about the Bat's zombie kid? Yeah. EVERYONE has. Dufflebags of heads and blowing things up? Kinda hard to miss. Kid has PROBLEMS. Which, yeah, Hal can kinda get that with the whole "dying horribly" and "Bats don't do therapy" bullshit. But it's was too far.

He's heard the guy was getting help though. Speedy and the Tamaranian princess. He can respect that. Oliver really fucked up with Speedy, yet the kid managed to pull his life together dispite all the shit he went through. Heard he even had a kid.

So when Hal is near Gotham? Picks up a Lantern signal? Well, Hal has BEEN that asshole that no one thought could change. That didn't DESERVE anymore chances. He got them when it mattered most though. It gave him the chance to be better. Because you don't stop being an irredeemable asshole by no one ever taking a chance on you. If he has changed? If he's trying to be better?

Yeah, Hal can let go of who he was, for the man that he can become. Give him the chance. Fuck the Bat. His "Rules" and hang ups. So he follows the signal. Tries to keep an eye out for Hood. Tries not to step on any toes in his territory. Even though... it's kinda weird... the signal almost seems to be leading straight towards where he thinks he spots...

Then the back up ring shoots of him like a sniper shot.

Hood goes down. Clutching his chest. Oh Fuck(tm)! SHIT. Hal has never moved faster. The ring is INSIDE Hood's body. Rings don't DO THAT. It isn't even giving the little "you've been chosen" speech. Just went straight for MURDER apparently! Shit. Oh fuck. Bats. Gotta call Bats! Hood has a HOLE in his chest AND the armor over it, and he's pretty sure he sees Green Lantern energy spreading from the wound like a poison!

He has to contact Oa. If rings are going ballistic, they need to know. He'll get in trouble but FUCK IT. He should have-! And then? Then the world tears open around him and Lanterns step out. Bats is demanding information in his ear and the watch tower is telling him to hold on, help is on the way, and? It... It won't even matter... will it...?

There is static in his head. He thinks he may have stopped breathing. Because he's looking at dead Heros. There are monuments to them back at Oa. Like some parody of the blackest night. Or a dream. He's just? Calmly helped to his feet. Hood is picked up? Why are they picking up Hood? Oh... oh we're going through the portal... It's green. Green is a good color. Safe. Yeah... yeah he can do that...

And Barry is running as fast as he can but it's not fast ENOUGH. He gets to watch Ringless Lanterns pleasently shepard his friend and colleague through an obviously suspect rip in reality, one who is VISIBLY sinking into shock, all while carrying off the potentially FATALLY wounded son of his OTHER colleague. Trying to tackle one, he can't even touch them. Nearly slides of the roof.

He hasn't felt so helpless in years.

The portal closes. They lose connection with Hal's comm immediately after. Chaos decends as everyone tries to figure out what's happening. Guy Gardner furiously IDing the dead Lanterns even as he denies it could possibly be them. The Bat himself a terrible sort of Fury and Fearful.

A realm away, doctors rush to and fro, most of them yetis. The rest Lanterns. It is an unprecedented medical case. A travesty. The finest doctors in the realm are being called in at behest of the King himself. An Inquiry is being organized of, and lead by, the most ruthless truthseekers to have ever exsisted to discover the cause of one Jason Todd's De-Deathing. A terrible crime was committed against him, a near necrosis of his soul.

Hal sits in a waiting room under a neon green shock blanket. There is a teenager in a hazmat suit with a crown of ice and a cape of stars, serving him a drinks he's only ever read about. The planet its from was swallowed by its star six millennia back, there were no survivors. Tastes pretty good to be honest. Apparently the kid is either a god or a king. Might be a god king.

Hal thinks he may have fucked up. It's been a long day. Kid's name is Danny. Hal suspects he was Human once, so, wooo humanity? He guesses? Is this why everything seems to happen to Earth? Because the god king of everything was born there? Huh. Guess the others were petty losers.... yeah, that tracks...

Kid's nice though. Hal drinks his drink and decides he's not gonna think about it. But first?

"Hey OGy, we're cool right?" "......yes." "Ominous as hell, but I'll take it. Good enough for me! Wake me when I'm needed okay buddy?" *green pulse of confirmation*

@stealingyourbones @cyrwrites

Short DPXDC Prompts #487

Power rings are just concentrated ghost cores. Hal is picking up an unidentified Power Ring and it’s coming from inside of Jason Todd.

[headspace-hotel]

Okay I was planning on staying out of it but this is painful to watch.

To be clear, OP was being very weird and didnt at all need to say that. But it seems like hald the people since then have just been trying to explain what OP mewnt and doing it horribly, because I do in fact get ehat thry were saying.

Theres been a bug movement with online fascists thats like "modern society is too urban (see: diverse). Weve gotten too far from how we traditionally lived, and were so out of touch with nature. Kids spend all their time inside or in the suburbs and never get to see real nature." And its all a recruitment tactic.

The Start of that pipeline is often just "huh modern scoiety is extremely out of touch with nature. Kids grow up without the experiences I had as a kid running around in creeks and stuff. Kids cant recognize plants." And most of that is true and it Is bad, but they then often make a very quick leap to "this is a problem with Society." And from there to fascist talking points.

And like, if you squint, you can very easily draw similarities between the very start of that pipeline and your recent posting.

Again, this is Obviously incredibly stupid and anyone who actually reads anything you post can see that. But like, I can at least see how, if someone is primed to always look only for fascist dog whistles, and one of your recent posts crossed their dash, if theyre not smart, they could arrive at that anxiety.

Everyone since then has just been dumb about it.

...Okay I'm thinking the "cottagecore" discourse has just rotted people's brains out here. I didn't realize it until now but "posting pictures of a basket of freshly picked strawberries is a fascist dogwhistle" really was a Thing on here a while back. Okay. That makes sense now.

I know about the "trad"/fascist-adjacent 'homesteading'/off-the-grid doomsday prepper attitudes. Where I live, being a 'homesteader' often goes along with stockpiling guns.

But these people's attitudes are individualistic, it's all about personally escaping the "Modern" world and living in The Wilderness(tm) somewhere and being "self-sufficient" (lmao). Kind of a manifest-destiny adjacent fantasy (gross)

This is where the "cottagecore" discourse brain worms did immense damage—no one wanted to explain why the individualistic, intrepid settler homesteader fantasy was a problem, so all the well meaning people on the margins of the discourse went "oh, okay, wanting to reconnect with your natural world and consciously participate in your local ecosystems is a fascist/colonialist thing."

I have multiple posts buried deep in my drafts about this somewhere that I was afraid to post, because I was met with the "google is free" stuff when I tried to figure out what was going on, and Google was entirely empty of any material explaining the (alleged?) fascist and colonialist roots of cottagecore.

It makes my brain hurt because yes, actually, I *see* how "homesteading" is sometimes related to white supremacist and colonialist shit, and the fascist and "cottagecore" communities do have an overlap that is not purely coincidental. That's real. It's not made up. But. A lot of people on the internet have learned to recognize fascist "dogwhistles" instead of learning to recognize fascist ideas.

A lot of the work of recognizing fascist-adjacent stuff in the wild does rely on developing a sensitivity to such "red flags." I've talked about things that I consider to be red flags, and I sometimes respond strongly to them. But—it's crucial that you understand that the red flags themselves are not what fascism is. You have to be able to see and recognize the actual harmful components of an ideology instead of deciding that any similarity, no matter how superficial, Is Fascism.

A lot of colonialist and fascist systems of thought have "relationships with nature and growing plants is good" somewhere in there, but the actual poison here comes in a few forms:

unquestioned romanticization of settling/colonizing an Untouched Wilderness

deciding that some kind of stable, inherent 'natural' state of human existence is always good, and 'unnatural' things are bad

modern society is decaying and degenerate, "traditional" values and lifestyles are better (enter romanticizing the past as a paradise of moral and racial purity)

Yes, there were statements in my post that looked superficially similar to some of these. No, those statements were not even remotely close to communicating the same things.

And "dogwhistles" are not about superficial similarity. If you learn about 'homesteading' as a white supremacist fantasy being a thing, and you jump onto a post talking about growing native species like "Oh look I've found a fascist dogwhistle!" You've misunderstood the assignment.

[shoezuki]

piglin techno confusing the fuck out of ranboo hcs

i jus be doin some shit sometimes n then my brain is like ‘hey think a this’ and i been tryin to type this out but my internet is so bad rn i couldnt even Open a new post what the fuck. anywayss. this ran so long. so fucking long

started with ‘i wonder how piglins act’ and now technoblade is doin some shit, ranboo is so confused, and philza is a delighted bystander who is having the time of his life

technoblade is 100% piglin. many people think he’s part human to some degree but hes Completely and Utterly piglin

most assume as much since he doesnt begin to rot in the overworld. but short answer; he’s Built Different

long answer is a blessing of the bloodgod but shhhhhh

techno never corrects anyone or talks about being piglin or Anything. he just doesnt care what other people think and assume. the only one who Knows is phil

phil had first thought it was out of some sort of shame or desire to Hide it but. yeah. no. techno jus doesnt care. build; different

although more Notable piglin traits come to like if he’s close to people

piglins are both social and anti social. kinda. they can be hugely independent, do well without ‘proper’ socialization for a Long while. but they group together for Lifetimes. once piglins find a family or friends and expend Full trust to them. its all or nothing you Cant break them up

how tommy betrayed and turned his back on techno just. its like a physical pain. once he trusted and respected him, the mere Idea of betrayal was nowhere in question. it never occurred to him

philza is now the only person that techno consciously and subconsciously considers him a part of his ‘pack’ (i cant figure out a better term but that one doesnt Fit)

techno never realizes when he acts piglin traits out towards those he trusts. he never does so in company outside of what he considers family. philza notices though.

phil tends to study and research other races and cultures a lot. he’s been around a long while, has met many people of all different backgrounds. he likes knowing and understanding what he can. its just fun too.

it mostly started when he first met techno because he wanted to figure out what the FUCK techno was doing without asking and therefore embarrassing him

but phil knows techno well. and he knows piglins well enough. and he Knows techno doesnt ever seem to be self aware of his more inhuman habits

but Phil knows. and he Notices when techno starts to consider ranboo a part of the pack

First, it’s gifts.

surprisingly, its ranboo giving techno the axe first

he wasnt there to see it. but phil might as well have been present, considering how Horrifically in depth techno ‘ranted’ to him bout it

but techno reciprocates it and Then he really starts to notice more and more

first, it was giving the enchanted apple to ranboo. sure it Technically had been swiped by techno out from under ranboo but it was still Something. techno wasnt one to give up valuables easily

then techno starts ‘complaining’ about ranboos living area. and his eating habits. phil looks away when techno smuggles golden carrots into ranboo’s shack 

eventually technoblade is crafting ranboo a cloak to match their own and he’s freaking out about ranboo’s height and his dimensions and how much cloth he’ll need but he refuses to ask ranboo and phil is holding his head in his hands

(phil forces techno to gift him the cloak in person rather than stash it under his pillow and run like he’d planned. techno bitched about it but after ranboo practically lit up, burying himself in the cloak and thanking techno so hard his throat mustve hurt, techno was so practically purring the rest of the day)

after gifts, its noises. 

techno is seemingly silent. he doesnt speak up much, moves so quietly people tend to jump when he appears. 

in reality, he talks to himself constantly. either when alone or when in phil���s company. philza knows that aspect is the ‘voices’, and also just technoblade’s tendency to fill the silence and wonder his own thoughts aloud

but the snorts, squeels, grumbles, and other sounds he makes without realizing are some phil knows are piglin

its often guttural, a noise he makes in the back of his throat that rumbles and reverberates through his bones. 

itd sound terrifying to anyone, but after years of techno trilling deep when phil enters a room, when he returns from some sort of journey, when he says hello or makes his presence known in anyway, phil realized its more like a greeting. excitement to see him. it became something sweet

long story short ranboo nearly jumped so high his head went through the ceiling when he’d first walked into the home, said hello, and some gruff purr sounded from the techno’s chest

theyd both jumped so hard, stared at each other as if they were trying to figure out what was wrong with the other 

phil was physically pained as he held back his laughter to the point he was crying. that changed the subject to him quickly

it didnt happen again for a while, but phil didnt say anything and just watched. it was too entertaining

techno would make his small squeals between breaths when he remembered something, muttered to himself, snorted and huffed even as ranboo was around

ranboo got used to it. he stopped jumping or even looking confused when techno trilled some sort of deep purr when ranboo would join them for dinner

lastly, techno was tactile

or, as tactile as he could be. techno wasnt touchy even on a great day. he was selective, reserved, would lean into phil or loop an arm over his shoulders but would never say anything about it

phil didnt question it and would just pat techno on the arm without saying a word

but. sometimes. when phil would be gone for a long time, techno would rest the entire weight of his head on phil’s shoulder, practically encapturing him, rumbling and grumbling so harsh it shook phil’s whole body

phil still wasnt certain on this one. he couldnt find much in the way of what it meant. piglin’s tended to stay with their own, and they never reunited after long periods of time because they never would dare to separate for long

 he was kind of guessing here, but the way techno would drop his shoulders and practically melt made phil think he was just missing him and wanted to confirm phil’s presence. 

it wasnt like he complained. it was sweet

ranboo had been gone a while. he was vague on why, or where. phil had a suspicion or two but ranboo kept a lot of secrets

neither techno or phil pried too far, but phil could tell it was disconcerting to techno. he was tense and kept himself almost deathly busy for two weeks

(piglin rarely if ever kept secrets from one another, phil had read once. omitting a few things here and there, maybe. but lying or deception was out of the question)

phil hadn’t been there when ranboo returned. he’d been gathering firewood after techno was insistent they completely top up all of ranboo’s stores

he’d heard the muffled growls techno made as he walked towards ranboos shack, before even seeing him. 

when phil found them techno had ranboo nearly completely obscured in his cape, and definitely he’d have been out of sight if he was any shorter. 

techno’s head was lofted heavy in the crook of ranboo’s neck, forcing ranboo to hunch with arms wrapped tight around ranboo. his arms were pinned. 

ranboo caught his eyes, looking so scattered and tired and confused and maybe even terrified. he might have spoken or maybe he just mouthed ‘help me’ but the gruff purr-like sound techno made was too loud to hear him anyways

philza shoved his fist in his mouth to keep from laughing

later that night ranboo asked phil if techno was going to kill him. phil wanted to scream

even later then, techno had admitted to phil that, yeah, okay, maybe ranboo was growing on him. phil had never felt so violent

[princeanxious]

(Black) Rose Petals

My anxceit brain rot is acting up again, so i wanna share this brief(<- lol 3 hours later and this is a whole oneshot fic whoops) idea that just hit me

Cw: an altered take on hanahaki as a concept, brief blood mentions but nothing too graphic i think, HURT/COMFORT, happy ending! Lemme know if i missed anything!

So like. Human/high fantasy au with a surprise appearance of hanahaki but its worldly existence is that of just some extremely rare and nasty spell/curse that can be cast on others unlucky enough to run into a being heartbroken enough to cast it.(or something. Idk.)

So uh. Janus is a prince, Virgil is a prince from a different kingdom, and following the backstory of them being really close as childhood friends, but something changed and they broke apart suddenly & violently. And unfortunately, both were far too prideful to admit their fallingout was due to a mutual effort(however unintentionally caused) and have refused to even consider rekindling their friendship until the other breaks and apologizes first, much to their kingdoms' frustation and dismay.

At the starting point of this would-be story, Janus and Virgil would have been avoiding eachother for about 6 years(both having been roughly 16 at the time of their falling out, making them roughly around 22 at this point), and their allyship is tenuous at best, though unreflective of their kingdoms stronger connections.

It stands to not that there has been times where theyve met during those six years, always unintentionally and unfortunstely never ending well. Though theyve long since learned to simply ignore eachother for the peace of their kingdoms, rumor has it that the first few encounters after the initial fallout were shouting matches fit enough for rivals.

It's always been unclear to the public why such a toxic fallout had occurred so suddenly between such close friends, and while their were hundreds of ideas and rumors guessing why, no one would know that even Virgil himself didnt know.

The only one who had the full story was Janus. And it drove Virgil crazy to no end.

They'd never kept secrets from eachother before, so when Janus started to close off from Virgil, he'd worried he'd messed up somehow. But Janus wouldnt explain it, even when he assured him it wasnt Virgil's fault.

And when Virgil just wouldnt let it go, Janus changed tactics. Even when guilt and regret filled him with every nasty jab he'd thrown, Janus felt this was the safest option.

Virgil couldnt know, could never know that Janus loved him, or Virgil would hate him for it, or find it weird that Janus loved his best friend this way and leave, and Janus knew he couldnt take the pain of rejection of Virgil leaving because of his love.

So, Janus chose to make Virgil hate him instead. Janus couldnt have Virgil, he was convinced of it(for some reason, perhaps bc one of them was already betrothed at a young age or smth else that isnt outright real world homophobia bc i want a happy ending w/out extra strings on that end dang it), and felt it was better to break apart what they had with false vitriol than with his confession of love. Safer, even.

Better to love from afar knowing he could never have what he wanted, than stay close by and let his hurting heart consume his rationale and fracture everything they could've had if he ever slipped up.

The act was easier with every year that went buy, even as his heart never stopped yearning, never stopped hurting. Even when there were times, few as they were, where Virgil seemed to think about breaking the tenuous peace with an olive branch. Bare glimpses of the person Janus fell in love with all those years ago.

And it hurt his heart all the more when Janus turned them down each time, turning the offer of reconciliation away with a bitter resolve that stemmed more from his own self-inflicted pain than anything else.

(He doesnt notice that the bitterness has begun leak into everything he does. Doesnt realize how blinded its making him to the way hes begun to act to everyone else around him, not just Virgil.)

He just had to stop loving Virgil, then barrier could come down for him to accept, or rather, finally offer an olive branch of his own.

That's all.

(He was lying to himself, though. Virgil had never done anything that could make Janus stop loving him, despite having every reason to return Janus's unwarranted venom two-fold. The bastard. Why couldnt Virgil make things easy and just hate Janus already?)

And then, well. Something goes wrong.

An outting, a request for Janus and his father, King Remy, to attend a meeting in a neighboring kingdom's castle.

It was supposed to be a simple little trip. A simple regular meeting of allies for any updates and the like. Using simple straightforward path through the enchanted forest that seperates their kingdoms.

Janus shouldnt have bothered to count himself so lucky as to expect his life to stay simple. Not when he keeps making stupid decisions.

He doesnt really remember how it started, or why he'd dared to leave the carriage at the first sounds of an attack against his fathers wishes, but the creature he encounters is nothing he has ever heard of, never seen, never expected to see in broad daylight.

Its massive wooden body is haggard and willowed, wailing with grief. Despite their knights trying their best to fend it off or at least maneuver it away from the royals, the creature is persistant, seemingly searching past its assailants for something else.

And when it's gaze meets Janus's, he freezes. Because he feels it. Feels the aura of the gaze. Its wailing is deafened by the invading voice suddenly inside Janus's head.

"I see it is You who I seek,

Your sorrow is a beacon, your splintering heart a tragedy, yet the cause of your grief is your own! Your soul is tainted with a loneliness of your own design, and yet you wallow still, with no intention to change. Your lies poison the garden that grows within you, making bitterness prosper and understanding wilt in its wake.

If that is what you seek, then so be it. But know this now, your body will soon reap what you've sown."

And with that, the lumbering creature turns, still ignoring the shouts and attacks of the knights as it disappears into the forest with barely another wail.

The encounter leaves the traveling party shaken but otherwise unharmed, rushing the rest of the way to the neighboring kingdom without pause until they were safely out of the trees.

Janus, thinking over the words that had rattled through in his head, choses to say nothing about the experience. A cryptic warning at best, hes sure, and sees no reason to raise alarm for a few intrusive words.

What Janus doesnt know is that creature is a creature of grief, born from the worlds worst heartbroken souls and drawn to other beings' sorrow like a moth to a flame. What Janus doesnt know is that this creature's presence alone is rare, unheard of even when war or plague or loss ect. is not directly involved.

What Janus doesnt know is that this creature saw Janus's heartbreak and became angered by its self-inflicted presence in the young royal and the ensuing bitter rot beginning to poison his soul for good.

What Janus doesnt know is that this creature has bestown an ancient curse known as 'hanahaki' upon him in its anger.

A slow-acting curse that feeds on a broken heart's woe from the moment it is cast, working to slowly entrap the cursed being's body's limbs and neck in vines and filling their lungs with flowers.

There are only two known ways to break this ancient curse.

If the cursed being can heal their broken heart, then the curse will receed and fade away.

If the cursed being cannot heal their broken heart, their lungs will fill with flowers as the vines slowly tighten around their chest. And eventually, they will die.

The event doesnt quite escape Janus by the time he notices something isnt quite right, but its become distant enough in his mind that it doesnt immediately jump out at him as directly connected.

The simple kingdom meeting had gone otherwise normally, even as Janus could hear snippets of gossip at all ends about the kind of creature theyd encountered.

And of course, Virgil had been there with his father, King Patton. The old man seemed desprate to fret over Janus and his father, but he'd long since lost that permitted closeness since Janus and Virgil's fallout. Janus would be lying if he told you he hadnt been trying to avoid the kind king's sad eyes all day.

Janus unfortunately found himself lying a lot more these days, though.

Virgil had been trying to past his defenses again today, too. Snipping little bits of snark he knew would make Janus laugh or frown at, really anything to pry at the solid barrier that he'd figured out Janus had been putting up. Anything to break through and catch another glimpse of the Janus he used to know, anything to even just give him a chance to ask "why?"

Now that Janus knew what Virgil was doing, he wasn't successful. Didnt mean he couldnt still try, if only for the sake of annoying Janus for entertainment. Even if it ended in a particularly petty spat that ended up cutting way too close to home on both sides.

"Like fucking hell Janus, you make me wonder why we were ever friends!" (What happened to you? What happened to us?)

"Well maybe we shouldn't have been! I'm sure we all would have been happier!" (Its better this way, it has to be.)

"Maybe we would! I dont know why I ever thought I liked you. I should have just given up when they told me to, at least then hating you wouldnt have taken so long!" (I dont mean it, i dont hate you, i hate this, that this is what we've become. I cant take it anymore. I just wanted to know what i did wrong.)

"I'm glad we can finally agree on something, then!" (This is what i wanted, so why does it hurt so much?)

It had left his wounds freshly reopened, and gave the curse the perfect chance to strike. By the time they'd arrived back home, the curse had begun working in overdrive.

He'd only been coughing a little.

He'd begun to blame it on spring time allergies, but the stupid cough became persistent. Within a week, the Royal Doctor had looked Janus over, and told him he'd probably caught a cold and that they'd have to keep an eye on him if he got any worse.

And then, well.

Then one night out came the first few petals, before a whole flower followed. And for a few moments Janus stared at the delicate bulb of darkness in his lap, stunned.

Thats when the words of the creature clicked in his mind, gently gazing at a bloodflecked petal in his palm.

'But know this now, your body will soon reap what you've sown.'

Following suit with plucking up the flower in his lap, he wasn't surprised to have piece together this next omen; a Black rose- a symbol of death.

Janus couldnt really deny it now, he probably deserved this.

But that didn't mean he couldnt try to hide it.

It was always easier to breathe after a flower finally ejected itself from his lungs, and then for three days he was mostly fine before the next inevitably forced its way out.

Surprisingly, he kept the lie going for about two whole months without incident.

And then he doubled over infront of his father during a particularly horrible fit, and unwillingly coughed up two whole roses before he could stop or calm it. And well, all hell broke loose after that.

Janus pretty quickly stopped caring though, as the curse seemed to get worse, and began to become a constant, painful reminder that rose bushes had thorns. And that Janus would not be spared from them inside or out, lucky him.

It took another three days for the vines to appear, almost overnight. Small thin little things that started at his wrists and ankles, and wrapped up and around his arms and legs, finally meeting and weaving tightly around his chest. Within 48 hours the vines had grown strong and begun to thorn, and walking became impossible without drawing blood.

Finally, the curse began to slow. Yet, Janus wasnt too sure he could count himself thankful for it.

Bedridden and miserable, Janus wanted to laugh at his miserable self-inflicted state. And cry. And scream. Too bad his lungs were having none of it, seeing as he could barely talk without setting off into another wheezing, blood flecked coughing fit.

When the Royal Mage had figured out just what Janus was cursed with, it was like setting a fog upon the castle. There was nothing to be done, nothing that could be done without agitating the curse further.

His father had even sat next to him, looking more serious and wrecked than he'd ever seen his carefree king of a father be, and listened to him plead for Janus to talk to him. Give them something to work off of, anything!

Janus knew why he chose to keep his mouth shut, feeling deserving of the punishment of his own making. Instead he closed his eyes, and silently wept.

Word of prince Janus's sudden ailment got around the kingdoms quick, as was the reason for Remy's abenses at ally kingdom leader gatherings.

When word got to Virgil, its said that he stumbled out of his chair and down to the kingdom stables, calling for a hasty visit that King Patton knew the reason for all too well.

For all the bite back he'd done since their fallout, Virgil still cared about Janus. Had loved him even, even if those feelings were now locked away deep inside to keep them safe from the carnage of their falling out.

If Janus was dying, Virgil couldn't let the last words he said to him be 'I hate you!'

Because above all else, it wasn't true. And Virgil was tired of fighting it. Tired of fighting Janus when he just wanted to hold him close and never let go.

The state that Janus is in when Virgil comes barreling through the doors of the other's sickroom is shocking enough to make him freeze in place.

Black petals and roses litter the large bed, the royal resting in it looking so small and painfully weak. Pale and wheezing, the cursed prince stares at him with surprised and terrified multicolored eyes.

The fact that the emotions dont dissipate behind a wall of indifference the longer Virgil remains in the room says volumes about whatever storm is brewing inside Janus's head. Hell, when Virgil comes to sit down next to him and takes his hand with a gentle squeeze, he even gets a hesitant squeeze back.

And at that point Virgil knows that if Janus is going to die, he cant just admit he doesnt hate him. He.. He has to get it out in the open, all of it. And given that Janus cant even properly speak, its the perfect opportunity to lay it all out.

Everything.

And its only when he finally lays it all out, even down to "I still love you, have loved you, for so fucking long. I was gonna figure it out, how we could be together, yknow? Even after you started pushing me away, even when i couldnt figure out why cause i could tell that you didnt want to, i was gonna figure it out. I.. I dropped everything the moment i heard cause, cause I care about you so fucking much it hurts, even when i know I shouldve given up I just. Couldnt. Because I knew something was off. I always knew, Jan. You'd never actually lied to me before, and now i dont even care about that! I just. I wanted you back. And I'm so terrified of losing you before I got to chance to try.."

And Janus is weeping again covering his mouth in a way that cant be comfortable to muffle his cries before giving up and reaching out for Virgil with both arms.

And Virgil doesnt miss a beat carefully wrapping his arms around Janus as the other clings tightly to his tunic and sobs.

Virgil can make out portions of apologies through the hiccups, carefully waiting out the storm as Janus breaks down in his arms for the first time in years. And like Virgil always does, he holds and protects him the whole time, carefully rubbing his back in soothing motions and tucking Jan's head into the crook of his neck.

It's only when Janus finally exhausts himself that the tears stop, but he doesnt let go of Virgil even a little bit, so Virgil carefully reclines them both, having manuved himself onto the bed to better hold Janus.

Theres an uneasy peace between them, which niether want to break after years of tension, but Janus knows he needs to say something.

"You are going to be so mad at me.." He says, his voice rasping but no longer quite wheezing.

"Mmm, you dont know that. And- and.. Even if i did get mad, I don't think it will stop me from loving you. After all we've been through, I dont know if theres anything that can. So.. Try me."

"When.. When I began to draw away, I'd had a revelation. And like the idiot that i was, I figured it was better, safer for me to pull away. And when you stubbornly clung on like a spider to a web no matter what I tried, I panicked, and kept used the first thing that had worked.

"I.. I cant say that it was purely romantic love, at the time. But it was infatuation, a romantic crush that rivaled over all my platonic feelings for you and made it hard not to reach out and say something. And I was convinced if i said anything that would be the beginning of the end of it, that you were push me away for being weird or hate me. I was afraid of your rejection breaking my heart, and losing you as a friend as a result.

"Instead, i broke my own heart by pushing you away. How fitting, hm?"

Virgil had gone still and quiet, but Janus kept his head tucked into Virgils shoulder for fear of losing his nerve.

"What im trying to say, is that I.. I love you too. And im sorry I was such an ass about it."

A good sign was Virgil slowly resuming rubbing Janus's back as he processed the other's words. Janus marveled in the partial amount of breathing room the curse had released its hold on. After a few long moments, Virgil finally spoke up:

"..You were right about one thing" Virgil added softly, before backing up just enough to scoot down to be closer to eyelevel with Janus, " I am mad. But really only about the fact that i could've already been with you the past 6 years. But you can bet I'm not leaving you alone now. I want to spend everyday you have left by your side."

And Janus could feel his eyes prick with tears, happy ones, for once.

"The mages say this curse is fueled by a broken heart, but eventually dies out if the broken heart heals.. So you may be at my side for quite a while, you know?" Janus says snarking oh so gently, his eyes betraying his nervousness.

"Bold of you to assume im not ready to spend the rest of our entire lives together, side by side." Virgil replies seriously before grinning, tucking Janus closer and tilting his head up, basking in the bright red blush across Jan's cheeks.

"Speaking of.. Can I..?" Virgil begins, glancing at Jan's lips.

"Please, kiss me." Janus finishes, meeting Virgil in the middle to close the gap between them.

And if Janus's lungs feel clearer than they have in months? Well, for now he plans on using it to continue kissing his love, obviously.

They had tons still to work through and talk about in honesty, but that could wait for another day. For now, these lovers plan on peacfully basking in each others presence for the first time in 6 years, finally reunited and safe.

[beyondtheciouds]

.30. Part 1 of 3

Grace groaned, being over dramatic as she followed Christopher down the rotten and creaky stairs to the basement lab. She had volunteered to assist and now she regretted it. Her hair, white ash; untamed like the snowy feathers of a swan fluttered around her shoulders as she took one rotted step at a time.

Her hands; trembling pulled the heavy robe she'd snatched from a closet around her tighter to shield the cold from her body. The robe she'd realized too late was wool and a hideous shade of purple that was approximately several sizes too big. The hem dragged behind her like a veil. For once, Grace was at ease. She gave a doleful look as she opened her mouth. They'd only gone down about a dozen and already she was tired. "How many stairs are there? A thousand?"

Christopher wasn't as oblivious as he seemed. He had been paying attention; listening to her light breathing like a piece of information his brain needed to explain to his heart. He tried not to move as fast as he usually did and walked in front of Grace with a slight skip to his step. In his hand, he held a witchlight in one palm. A smile; hidden in the corners of his mouth formed. His other hand was sweating in the pocket of his trousers clutching the inner fabric nervously. He didn't glance back at Grace when he answered her. He was far too preoccupied counting her breaths. He instinctively took the narrow steps two at a time, multiplying. "Not quite, but a good guess nonetheless. One hundred and twelve to be exact."

Grace groaned again, her gray eyes on the back of his shirt and the crissed crossed brown suspenders he wore. "Seriously?"

For no particular reason, Christopher Lightwood had become a mystery to Grace in the months she'd been working with Lucie. Every now and then he would show up while Grace and Lucie were having tea, discussing the next necessary steps. He'd only speak to Lucie, never acknowledging Grace while he delicately devoured lemon tarts.

Grace Blackthorn was not used to his ignorance and the fact he was oblivious to her had Grace feeling shaken. She was not alright with being ignored.

"Yes," Christopher said, nearly tripping. He caught himself immediately and was shocked he hadn't fallen on his face.

The two moved in a new, comfortable silence until the last step when Christopher announced they'd arrived.

Much sooner than Grace expected they were at the old wooden doors. Christopher opened up the double set of doors and the creak of the hinges echoed in the underground laboratory. The basement opened up to a much larger, cleaner room.

Grace was immensely impressed. "Oh my!"

Tables and chairs scattered about; benches filled with green glass beakers and blue tubes. Images. Images not paintings carefully strung up on copper wires. Boxes and boxes full of color papers and blueprints. Foreign tools and peculiar instruments littered dusty shelves. Scientific equipment arrangements were all over the room like blooming flowers. Strange and unusual inventions and inventory were stacked in every visible corner.

Grace smiled as Christopher turned to face her. Her eyes were wide as she took in all the intense colors of the tubes and beakers.

"You did all this?" Grace asked, astonished by the multitude of items.

Christopher blushed, suddenly shy. "No, well. This is Henry's lab but don't worry. We---- I mean, I am allowed to be in here."

Grace raised her eyebrow, turning to lookat Christopher. She gasped as he pulled off his dusty glasses and wiped them on his shirt. His eyes confirmed her suspicions that he was relieved that she'd wanted to come to his favorite place in the Fairchild Manor. The irises were iridescent; a peculiar lavender shade bright enough to remind her that he was James's blood.

Neither noticed the silver eyes flaring in the shadows as they moved into the room.

Grace leaned over a mental monstrosity on the table, her eyebrows now up into her hairline.

Her features held an increasing amount of worry in the lines that appeared on her forehead. She did not admit that she might be skeptical as she eyed the entire entanglement of large nuts and small bolts; long screws and short nails holding together mismatched pieces of wood and metal. Somewhere in the middle was a control panel with brightly colored knobs, buttons and gears.

Grace continued to eye the machine suspiciously as if it would soon come alive as she moved to the other side of the table where the chairs were. "What is this terrible looking thing and why do you have it here?" She finally asked after several minutes.

For the first time in his life, Christopher felt the lightbulb go on over his head and a tingling feeling in his chest. Someone other than Henry and Thomas were interested in his passion. He now understood what James was referring to when he looked at Grace. She wasn't just beautiful he decided, she was ethereal. "Are you sure you want to know?" His voice teased lightly and surprised both of them.

Grace hesitated, feeling nervous and reached out her hand timidly to touch the gears. "Of course."

Christopher clutched the bright tube in his hand as he sat down in Henry's rocker beside where she stood. The purple liquid in the glass test tube fizzled and bubbled as he moved. "Oh! Don't touch! Sorry! That's... That's Henry's Top Secret investment."

"Top Secret investment?" Grace asked, interested and snickered. She'd wanted to press, but his eyes told her that she'd never be able to loosen his lips the way she could with James. If something was a secret in Christopher's confidence, it stayed a secret. "What does this...calamity of metal and wood precisely do?" Grace asked, her curiosity like a cat winning her over.

"Never you mind," Christopher said playfully, careful not to spill the acidic concoction on his pants. They were already stained from rain and mud. Suddenly he was once again shy and uncertain; perhaps embarrassed by his ruined clothing.

Grace suspected that Christopher was tongue tied and against the voice in her head, she let him be. She gracefully rolled her shoulder and gestured a manicured finger to the tube Christopher held instead of pushing further. The light of the candles painted their silhouettes on the ceiling and Grace wondered if Jesse would be the same when he returned from Purgatory. If. If he returned. If.

Would he still love her? Would all the pieces fit?

She hoped the spell would work as she sat down on a wooden chair. She hoped to be out of Idris soon and away from the other Shadowhunters. Everything that happened next would depend on the accuracy of the spell and of Christopher's potion Grace decided. "Can you tell me what that particular wretched smelling liquid is, Christopher?"

Grace pronounced his name so informally that Christopher blanched, then turned several shades of pink. He tried to sound more calm than he was at her attention. He wasn't even sure how he was feeling. The thing that struck him and took his breath away was that he didn't even consider that Grace Blackthorn knew his name. "Compound X. I would like to name this liquid Compound X." Christopher paused, gathering himself. "Entirely composed of natural and semi-natural ingredients; imposed crystalized crystals then liquidized arnum lily petals, crushed sparrow bones, smashed spider spindles---"

"Right. I get it," Grace interrupted with a sour taste in her mouth. She didnt need to suffer complicated details but she didn't want to be mean. She waved her hand at him as if he were a fly buzzing about her on a summer day.

Christopher laughed uneasily, not understanding the change in Grace's mood. "Sorry. Sometimes I get ahead of myself."

"What does it do?" Grace asked and raised an eyebrow. She smiled sweetly, inching the wooden chair closer to Christopher's.

Christopher grinned, his lavender eyes lightning up like moon flowers. "Hopefully it will bring your brother back."

***

James sighed, leaning against the door. He checked his pocket watch for the third time in ten minutes. "Quarter past three."

"We've got time before the Fairchild clan awakens.. and Lucie said to wait up."

"For bloody sake, the birds aren't even awake Tom. What are we even expecting to happen?"

Thomas cleared his throat, his mind already foggy from the few drinks he'd gulped down during the third and fourth rounds of gin rummy. He sat on the couch with his arm wrapped around a square pillow. "We need to call Alastair."

James felt nauseated. "No," he said, unable to convey agreement. He needed sleep not to be standing here arguing like fools. "Why? Didn't you hear what time it is, Tom? He is probably well fast asleep like we should be by now."

The maid was finally asleep but mostly passed out, drunk in a chair by the window. Her eyes were closed and she whispered unintelligible prayers. Thomas glanced uneasily at her before speaking. "We need the extra help. Lucie said we need to make a complete circle. An even number."

"Without Cordelia with us---even with Alastair there will not be enough." James argued; angry at being deprived of his sleep. This was to be the only night he'd get rest after recieving a letter from Will staying he'd found Tessa. Lucie and her mess had taken it from him originally and now Thomas was corrupting what little time was left.

He was suddenly jealous of Cordelia, sound asleep and refusing to indulge in his sister's madness.

James's nose twitched and he felt the edge of his vision blur; a voice fraying in his ear as the edges became obsolete. Belial wasn't pleased.

"Why are we helping them raise the dead again?" James asked, undeterred by the way his voice slurred, becoming distant.

He was fading.

"Because she's your sister. Obviously this means a hell of alot to her if she has convinced us to risk exile." Thomas said, his own words slurred. James was as crooked as Thomas's smile. "Besides James, you'll have to help keep Lucie safe."

James caught his breath, his lungs burning. "Exile? Lucie never mentioned Exile to me, Tom."

Thomas had the temporary choice to be embarrassed or confused. He chose confused. "I...she never told you?"

James and Thomas had been quietly arguing for the last fifteen minutes and now this new information was the icing on a very thin piece of cake. James was done talking to all of them. He wanted to get to bed before his head imploded with another rotten expose. "No, apparently I was not privy to that piece of information, Thomas but I wish I had been."

"James. James, I am sorry you did not know of the risks involved with her plans but you should have still known."

And of course, he had a faint idea of the consequences.

"Call upon Alastair if you must Tom." James said bluntly and paused, watching Thomas's complection turn white. James's gold eyes were furious and flaring. Thomas sat up straighter, expecting some imitation instruction. Perhaps his friend knew more than Thomas thought. Perhaps that was not news. Perhaps James already knew that Alastair was to be part of their group. Part of the plan. Unknowingly, Thomas's cheeks burned red as James continued on. "But if you do include Alastair in this nightmare, please do know you will be the one dealing with Math when awakes from his drunken slumber. Goodnight, Tom."

James frowned, upset with Thomas. He turned quietly on his heel and sighed. He stormed out of the room like a rotten child who wanted a piece of chocolate that was refused.

James had to get away before he dissolved into darkness.

Thomas sat on the couch quiet and more sober than he was drunk. His hazel eyes were bloodshot wide and unblinking. He was too shocked and stunned to speak.

[wincore]

AGREEEE, WORKING OVER THE WEEKEND IS THE WORST esp since im in uni full time and i work 9-5 on the weekends which means... no breaks for me ever.. 🥲

MASSIVE CRUSH ON OIKAWA OMGGG I SUPPORT THIS!!!!! but i am unfortunately much older than 15 and still enamored by 2d men 😔 life’s rough like that HDJWKDJ YES ATSUMU CAUSES PROBLEMS ON PURPOSE.. HES THE WORST!! btw.. ive heard that the oikawa to atsumu stan pipeline is very real... so if u get to s4.. u may develop atsumu brain rot like me 👁_👁

OOO alright run on, extracurricular, vincenzo, true beauty, love alarm, & perfect crime. NOTED!! ive actually been meaning to watch extracurricular for a while now, it looks so interesting!! now that it has the wincore seal of approval i must watch 😤 OMGG SAKURADA DORI I SAW HIM IN ALICE IN BORDERLAND!! super good show but really gore heavy at some points 👁

ahh ok thank u for the reccs, ive been thinking about starting demon slayer too!! shoplifters sounds really interesting :oo crime??? i havent watched a full movie in a while so i will def check it out!! THESE R ALL GOING IN MY NOTES APP.

NEXT YEARRR omg it sounds far away but i know time passes so quickly nowadays so I WILL WISH U LUCK ONCE AGAIN 💛 i hope u update us when the time comes!!

UGHWHHD EVEN THIS SYNOPSIS IS MAKING ME MISS UR WRITING?!? I LOVE THE WAY U WORD IT... “given a choice to pretend, you find that jaehyun is the lesser of the two burdens to bear” AHHHHHHH omg “he’s in a relationship and doesn’t rlly care about the soulmate system” THIS IS ALWAYS SUCH A PAINFUL SCENARIO IN SOULMATE AUS PLSS!!! Wait is the soulmate of yn gonna be an oc/vague character or another member :O EITHER WAY... PAIN! THIS IS GETTING ME SO EXCITED AND U HAVENT EVEN MENTIONED ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT JAEHYUN’S LIKE IN THIS FIC YET

RUNWAY CHARACTER CAMEOOOS YESS I LOVE RUNWAY YN!!!! i actually reread it last night and ugh i was reminded how much i love yns personality... just the process of experiencing all tht self doubt with them!!! so real & makes u root for them :’)

“if jeno plays edward i need him to that apple scene like taemin did” WHHHHHWJDJJWJDBW THIS MADE ME CHOKE ON THE WATER I WAS DRINKING LMFAO

GODDDD THESE TROPE/MEMBER PAIRINGS, HARD AGREE HARD AGREE!!! HAECHAN AND RENJUN ARE E2L 100%!!!! i think bc the ppl in the bff2l category cant convincingly hate yn back LOL

“gets complimented on his lyricism often but like every song’s about you” STOPPPPP HES SO PERFDCT FOR THIS TROPE!!!!!

OMG I SEE EXACTLY WHAT U MEAN ABT SICHENG IN ROYALTY/CHAEBOL AUS... i think like u said it’s because of his poise & the way ppl are generally in awe of him but also bc of his reluctance to open up!! more reserved until he trusts u... funny and kind but sometimes perceived as aloof... those r some prince tendencies! “what are corporate businesses but modern day kingdoms” LMFAOOWJDJ SERIOUSLY THO

“mans really said i will not give you any onscreen idol personality to work with” HDJWJDJWJSJ LITERALLYYYY this is why i have trouble reading jaehyun fics sometimes bc sometimes they can feel “inaccurate” but its mostly just bc there’s no Standard Personality Stereotype to go off of. but a random & uncommon trope i think he’d pair well with is exes to lovers!! Yes im basically just a jaehyun + angst advocate.

“i think most of them would pair well with bff2l??” FACTTTTTTT and no im not just saying this bc its one of my favorite tropes.. heh... i think i told u this before?? but ur like the main reason i started enjoying e2l!!! i didnt like it before bc i love the PINING in bff2l but then i started reading ur works n was like OH SHIT! THERES LOADS OF PINING HERE TOO...

i think yangyang is not bff2l or e2l, he is in his own category which is Annoyer2Lover HDJWKDJ ex: troublemaker, wasted nights

OMGGGG I DID NOT EXPECT ROYALTY AU TO HAVE SUCH A LARGE LEAD IN THE SURVEY??? and cryptids is so low 😔😔 cmon guys, vampires r fun!!!

WE R LITERALLY WRITING ESSAYS TO EACH OTHER RN BUT I LOVE IT 🥺🥺 its a such a nice break to read ur response when im burnt out from studying!!

OMG IM GOING THROUGH #moonwrites AND IM LITERALLY AN IDIOTTTT IVE BEEN OFF TUMBLR FOR SO LONG I DIDNT REALIZE THAT ROMEO ROULETTE HAD A PREVIEW OUT????

“And I get what out of this?” “Me?” IM IN LOVE WITH THIS CHARACTERS PERSONALITY ALREADY LMFAOO

“—and when this whole game you’re playing is over, you’re going to say I rejected you.” ?!?!???? THE WAY JAEHYUN IS A LITTLE SHIT! THEIR PERSONALITIES ARE BOTH SO FUN PLSJWJDJEJ IM MORE EXCITED NOW!!

pls disregard the part in my last ask where i asked abt romeo roulette.... i had no idea all of the information i needed was sitting right in front of me 😔😔

- tata

WHAT 9 TO 5 ON EVERY WEEKEND???? the system has failed you this honestly feels like a villain origin story 😭 when does it get better???

ALSO let me answer the other asks separately for better readability lol we really out here writing essays GOOD THING i have practice writing but like. this is infinitely better to write 🥰

PLSSS SOMETIMES I WILL SEE AN EDIT/TIKTOK OF OIKAWA AND BE LIKE DAMN I REALLY NEED TO CATCH UP I MISS THIS MF also are you daring me to ruin my life for 2d men bc i will do it without hesitation. wait till i watch hq again and get that atsumu brainrot with you he seems annoying enough for me to like ^_^

AND YES PLS I WAS SO ABSORBED IN IT!! extracurricular was the most gripping show i’ve watched in a while like yes enough teen romance give me two unhinged teenagers doing crime 🤩 AND OMG??? THAT’S WHERE WE SAW HIM TOO and although niragi was literally vomit-inducing human trash, sakurada dori is like. a good actor. except i hated coffee&vanilla which starred him it was literally so cringe i couldn’t 😭 i blame the writers for that though. IM EXCITED FOR S2 OF ALICE IN BORDERLAND THO i really like horror (and i can tolerate gore if ive been desensitized enough) and like i read the manga too!!! the games were really interesting (although morbid).

😭😭 MY NOTES APP IS FULL OF RECS FROM FRIENDS ALL OF THEM HATE ME FOR NOT WATCHING THE SHOWS BUT LIKE. i binge 3 or 4 at a time and strike them off and then go 6 months without watching a single tv series hhh.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I SURE WILL UPDATE !!! it’s so exciting to think about grad school sometimes :33

AHHH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT AND THE PREVIEW TOO SGSDJKDS there’s a few differences in the actual fic i think bc i changed up the language (and i dont remember what else bc i refuse to look at my writing) JAEHYUN RLLY IS A LITTLE SHIT he’ll be like hm yeah im pretty chill :) and then proceed to beat yn at her own game at times. (she wins mostly dw) the fact that i made her soulmate cha eunwoo like girl if i were you i’d crash their relationship 🥱 (jk) but like. jaehyun too is 🤩 despite being dry af

ASDKDSKDS YOU REREAD ALL (ALMOST) 19K WORDS ??? IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE THAT FIC SM AAAAHHH IM FEELING LIKE AN ACTUAL AUTHOR 🥰 i loved runway yn too they were like boss attitude with 20% anxiety.

LOOK JENO BETTER BE PULLING MOVES LIKE THAT TO IMPRESS THE GIRLS 😤 if he hits himself in the forehead with the apple, bonus points bc that was true comedy (as invented by taemin)

AND YES. LIKE I KNOW MARK HATED DONGHYUCK SO MUCH HE WANTED TO LEAVE SM BUT LIKE HE’S TOO NICE WITH EVERYONE ELSE 😭😭😭 i cannot picture him pissed off apart from that summer fight </3

thinking about dejun getting rejected by a girl he wrote a song for. rip brother.

IM GLAD YOU PUT THAT INTO WORDS BC THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT IT IS!!! he’s got all of these regal qualities but he’s still human ykyk so it makes for the most amiable person on earth 😌 i love this characterization of him!!

oof exes to lovers with jaehyun... i had a similar idea a while ago (with theme song sincerity is scary by the 1975) that i discarded bc i don’t think i’m cut out to write that 😭 (YET) so i will keep this is mind. u r so right about jaehyun feeling inaccurate bc it’s like he’s very mild in personality onscreen sometimes?? so him having strong personality traits makes me go 🤔🤔 that man is overreacting. (jkjk but like you get the idea)

WAIT RLLY OMG BC OF ME???? i would never enjoy e2l irl bc irl dudes are 🤢🤢 and if they annoy me i will end them. but in fiction the mutual pining and initial disgust at yourself for liking the other??? helllooo 🤩🤩🤩 especially if it’s in a romcom style <3 bff2l is also better in fiction bc if the relationship doesnt work out irl and the person become uncomfortable with me i will just get annoyed jskshdl

LMAO YOU ARE SO RIGHT ABOUT YANGYANG HE’S JUST THAT™ DUDE skgkhs he feels like someone fun to hang out with but he would annoy you the whole time. also he is cute 🥰

AND EXACTLY!!!! IM HAPPY FOR ROYALTY AUS BUT CMON. LOOK AT THOSE VAMPIRE TEETH. feel like media ruined vampires for people 😔 

THIS IS SUCH A NICE BREAK FROM STUDYING HONESTLY!!!! im like working on two semi-large projects AND studying course and out-of-course material simultaneously so my brain is a little fried. thank u for this 😘

[voljenimedved]

I dont remember turning into the person I am right now. I opened my Spotify profile and marvelled at how little new music I had discovered over the past months (months?

no, not just months, its been almost a full year now, how could it have been that long already?), wasnt listening to new music my thing, a thing I made a point out of keeping precise track of, so where did that me go- riddled with headaches, riddled with mental battles and new intestinal issues, with my knees worsening and my hands constantly pulsating with pain- my entire body is decaying, and I dont remember how that happened.

I remember a few events, a very few, they make me shake and feel physically ill, but nothing in between. I wonder at how my mind has tried to keep me safe and only retained vague shapes. For eight months, I had lived in a limbo of hurt and fear and illness and I had no idea. One day, I chose to confront one of the demons, the one I had almost thrown up for in response to any thought of it, and I didnt die. I lived I was shaken, but I carried on- I woke up- I woke up from my eight months coma and realized where I am and who I am and actually there was nothing left of me

and I had to start over. There was nothing left of me, the last demon being the biggest to bring me down, the last coffin in the nail at the end of a two year long trial, and now I had to reinvent myself. I couldnt stand my new favorites now and I hated my clothes and I despised my favorite songs and I resented Berlin and I couldnt think of my surrounding town and I cursed my programs and I grew to dislike alcohol even more and I was unable to play games I had enjoyed and I shudder at musicals I liked and I detest my memory, the cursed knowledge that I had to live with, knowing I was

stained and ugly and disgusting now

and others were able to carry on and live their lives as if nothing happened, some even laughing at me, gossiping, where was that fair, I had nothing anymore, I lost my personality, my friends, my partner, my memories

and I grieved, I grieved for the opportunities lost, for the relationships lost, and for myself. For something supposedly natural, changing feels more unnatural than anything else- I didnt want to change. I long for times where my brain wasnt rotting away from stress; where my everyday wasnt ruined by delusional anxiety; where I hadnt been touched and stained; where I hadnt spent money, where I hadnt sent that message, where I hadnt rekindled that old flame where I hadnt made myself vulnerable where I didnt question it where I didnt rely on you where I didnt touch you where I didnt say yes to you where I didnt hang out the entire night with you where I hadnt cried to my mother at night admitting it to her where I hadnt known a virus was on its way to change everything where I hadnt known I was riddled with phobias where I didnt

know

But I know. I know, I have experienced all of it, and now have to live with all of it. And so I have spent the past few months rebuilding myself.

Day by day, bit by bit,

I am reimagining myself. Proving to people how I am able to survive without most of them knowing. Every single day is a battle and- when I cry this much about ordinary days, I remember days from the past two years, they flash by me- scenes in which I would spend hours straight in my bed, sobbing, every single day for several weeks, unable to sleep at night- when I would scream in anguish over being left alone and my parents would hurry into my room- when I almost puked from anxiety every single day and called the police out of fear and sobbed into my mothers chest- the summer where I found out she cheated on my father and fell to the floor, heaving, hyperventilating, because I was convinced she didnt love me anymore-

all that inevitably led to me dying, and now I am different.

How far can I push myself while still being me and not lying to others?

Im not ready to live my life. I am unable to stand or walk for long, unable to go a day without genuinely believing I am dying, unable to take care of myself, unable to express myself, unable to live healthily- how do others do it? At only 18 years old, am I really this abnormally affected, or am I just

the abnormally sad odd one out?

I still miss all of them. I hope, one day, I wont. I hope, one day, I wont long again for the words and touch of people that stuck knives into me, poked at me, prodded my brain until I was nothing but a wet, shaking little clump of blood, flesh, bones and cells, thrown into the world like a newborn at 18. I hope I will find myself and outgrow all of them.

[lunetual]

hi i once again invade your ask box with loud brain rot ...

KYUNG MUN IS IN A GROUP AND I JUST FOUND OUT

he looks so different i didnt recognise him at first but i stared closer and its him !! i'm so happy for him !!

the only dumb thing is that their music is geoblocked for me on spotify so i can't loop his songs ;-;

i hope you're having a good day !!!

- yun (@moriiyun)

hehe HI yun <33

YEAH hahaha i'm so sorry i would have mentioned if i realized you didn't know !! i started keeping an eye on younite bc of him and i thought their debut ep was really fun like i loved it :') and kyungmun is literally glowing he seem so happy he is thriving !! i am loving watching him have such a good time in their content :)

for some reason the album was available for like a day and now it's like. not accessible i think for most of us </3 i think people have been trying to email spotify and bnm so like hopefully the issue gets fixed soon!

i hope you're having a good day too!! oooh and what did you think of the tnx WAY UP teaser images they've released so far??

[ohnoguysifuckedrightup]

beeps

:readmore

was gonna write in the journal and itll be transferred soonish, but i think so much time and energy and movement of self that would have been spent considering who i am was instead spent on trying to get people to like me. i had a very cold and fearful life for such a long time. no monumental tragedy or great obstacle to overcome, but just every single day there were threats and so many people who might scream or hurt me, and every day for years and years i just thought about what i could be to escape their ridicule, postpone their wrath, and gain some kind of acceptance. so i never thought of who i might be. never cared for what i wanted, and drove myself insane trying to think of what would be worth my life. i concluded that i had to do something practical and good for people with no chance of failure and with maximum effect. i planned to try to put a dent in world hunger, burned myself out, and then hated myself for years. and then i was 23. i only really had time to realize i liked men at like 17 when i was in highschool and when i tried to talk to a family member and my girlfriend at the time, both shut it down immediately. my cousin i wasnt too surprised at, i mean he had only told my sister he was bi, not me, but when my girlfriend shut me down when i started to tell her, she just shut it down. that one hurt me deeply and i didnt recover really until like two years later when i told a new partner who was very proud to be a pansexual person. still so much of me was burnt out with college and i let myself drift so far and further. then by the time i started realizing more, it had become too late, there was no time i thought. there is time, not now, not never. but there is time.

there wont be time tomorrow but when im there, there will be time enough at last. theres time right now, to write and process. to write the process is the only way i find i can process. and to write and process takes time. and takes all the time i need.

has to. if i dont write a rambling, flowing, jarring, jaunty diary entry better addressed to a therapist than a slice of journal or some poor hard drive, if i dont do the long form with the

fuck i dont know how i changed the text color of that last paragraph abd i dont know how to undo it

if i dont do the long form with the space to let the medium tickle my withered, dehydrated cortex long since amputated from the part of me capable of witicism, then i will never explore myself. never finger pockets of my consciousness like camus' allegory, never trace the lines of braille in my brain i cant read, never feel the texture of patterns etched in my mind, never feel a dull corner of something meant to sit and be a hearty piece of home.

so ill do this and do this and do this and unlock memories of being a child reckoning with myself in the world. ill remember the hours and hours i thought of death in church. ill remember the way i felt when i tried to think if myself and couldnt, and ill remember the notes i would have written down in a hurry if i could have,

because thats all this examination would be if i tried to do what i could as fast as possible, a note

ive got hundreds of notes, little ends of miles-long threads, all tucked away ready to be pulled and all so quickly forgotten, so easily left undisturbed

so easily their charges left undisputed

so many long thoughts that were meant to fulfil their duty, these thoughts all had sacred callings and were left on read, left in an archive unnavigable by a dumb bitch like me. sewing machine in the corner, guitar on the hook, books in shelves. they all gather dust. dusk falls and i whither and rot without their refreshment.

but i take steps now and can go on walking down this line. walking for myself and not carrying the burdensome duty of some person who never existed except by my own hand, drawn to specifications i had little say in until all thoughts of myself were thoroughly burned, extinguished, and buried.

so we write for as long as we need, until we can see where each of us ends and where we never can. ill write until i find my i love yous. ill write like a million monkeys at type writers until i find the page that just says i love you and the real story can follow thereafter

so it goes on and on and on

and so i go on and on

cest la vie

and life goes on

[ecotone99]

[AA] [HM] My stoner "let's-play" short story I wrote for my friends in our group chat. I gave them options and this is how the story unfolded:) Enjoy!!

Chapter 1:

You are walking in the Tractor Supply parking. You frequent this store for your bird seed every week. It's been 4 months since you've been going and for a while now there's been a mysterious Van in the back of the parking lot.

Chapter 2:

You have chosen to investigate!

You come up to the van only to discover a rancid smell of decaying flesh and mouthwash. You can tell someone was trying to mask something here...

You go to the back of the van and see the door is unlocked.

You open it (of course).

You go inside the van to see a decaying body. It is a man's. But it's too far gone to distinguish any identifying features. It's the worst smell you've ever smelt.

What do you do?

Chapter 3:

You check the body for a wallet.

All you find in the wallet is a used condom, 37 pesos, a package of blunt wraps, and a prepaid debit card. You are unable to find anything to identify this man.

You are confused why this man doesn't have an I.D., credit card, license etc. In his wallet. Did he not want to be found?

You then recall that you smelled mouthwash when you approached the van. Your overwhelming confusion has blinded you to the fact that it's still there.

You decide to search the rest of the van.

Where do you look?

Chapter 4:

You give up and decide to go home.

What are you supposed to do? You don't know who the hell this guy is and don't know any other way of figuring it out. You head toward the back doors of the hot, smelly van and open them.

You exit the van only to find it's dark out. You've only been in there for 5 minutes??

Then you realize...

It was already dark out.

The fumes from the carcass must've messed with your sense of time. You get in your car and leave. You go home.

Your drive home was very quiet. There was no other traffic on the road.

It's late. And you are very tired.

You brush your teeth, shower, take off your watch and go to bed. But you can't help but think who that man was.

Has he been there as long as the van has?

Was he murdered? Suicide?

You can't sleep. You need to sleep.

Chapter 5:

You light up, eat some chips, set your alarm at 7:00am for work tomorrow, then go to sleep.

Beep beep. It's your alarm. Time for work. You are on time for your linemen job. You are traveling to Grove City today to work on a downed line. You and your work buddy leave at 8:00am.

You light up on your way to Grove City on the way there while your buddy drives.

You love weed. You are always high.

You get to GC, finish your job, smoke while your at it. You work best when your high (who doesn't?😂).

You finish the job and head back to Clarion.

Shit.

You didnt get your birdseed last night.

Okay, no big deal. Go back to Tractor Supply and get the bird seed. Your buddy does't mind.

You arrive. Exit the car. Of course you look in the corner of the parking lot.

The van's not there. You're freaked and get back in the truck.

“What's wrong?" Your buddy asks.

"Nothing, I'm fine. I just realized they don't get the bird seed shipment until tomorrow, lol" you say.

You eventually arrive home. Maybe you're just high and paranoid.

What do you do?

Chapter 6:

You smoke more weed. (No surprise there you fucking stoner)

You chill at home, alone and high. It's a Friday night. You don't even have a pet. But you don't seem to mind. You go to the basement and work on your adirondack chair that you have in your wood shop. You are a great craftsman (plus, you work best when you're high).

You were commissioned to make a lawn set for a family in Rochester, New York. You want to make this nice. You only have 1 chair and a picnic table left to make. They are expecting this set tomorrow evening. They want to have it ready for their annual neighborhood Jesus picnic. This is a big deal.

You know you have a lot of work ahead and are pressed for time. Good thing you smoked. You'd be watching Little House on the Prairie forgetting all about this shit right now.

You smoke and work through the night. The set it complete.

Luckily, your boss let you borrow his moving truck to haul everything up.

You go to sleep. It is 4:00am you are still baked. You are always baked.

You wake up at noon later that day. You are in no rush. You chill out and smoke some weed (no way).

You are leaving at 3:00pm. You start loading the set into the truck.

Four chairs and two tables. This is going to be a lot of lifting. Thank God the truck has a lifter.

Everything is in and secure.

It is 2:30pm and you have a five hour drive ahead.

What do you do?

Chapter 7:

You choose not to smoke (a genuine surprise).

Due to your high tolerance you have already come down from your earlier smoke sesh. It is time to drive.

You are driving up to Rochester. You gotta piss. Man, you gotta piss bad. You stop at a rest stop to piss. It is 5:30pm. You start to feel sick while pissing. Not shortly after, you puke your brains out for a whole fifteen minutes. Why are you puking so much?

You are a mess.

You gather yourself and leave the rest stop. Your breath smells awful.

WHAT THE FUCK!

You discover your car is being robbed. You yell at the thief and chase him off. You are able to see his face. He is a Latino man. Very tall. Like 6 ft. 7. This dude's a giant. He runs though (pussy) and drives off...very slowly.

You are able to record his license plate number "WIYSP-YAFTN"

"That's a weird plate, no numbers. Stupid fucker. Don't rob my shit."

You call the police and give them the plate number. They ask for the make and model.

"Uhh, it was a black truck. That's all I remember."

They tell you that vehicle and plate are not in the system. They ensure you they'll keep looking. You don't have much confidence in them. This phone call has been at least ten minutes.

This stop has been longer than planned.

You need to deliver this furniture. You still feel like shit. You head back on the road. The rest of the drive took two and a half hours, you're behind on schedule. You finally get to the house.

"Hey! You're pretty early!" Said Isaac, the dad of the family.

You thought you were about a half hour late. You look at your watch.

It's 5:30pm

"Someone laced that fucking weed" you think to yourself. "I could've swore I was late as shit. I must be tripping"

You disregard this incident and let it go. You unload the furniture and get paid. Your job is complete.

“Hey man." Isaac says. "Wanna stay for the party tomorrow? We got an extra guest room? We'd love to have you."

You're tired as shit.

Chapter 8:

“Yeah, man. I'll stay" you say. "But I don't have any overnight stuff."

"That's okay" says Isaac "I have plenty of clothes."

"Oh...okay" You respond.

"I guess I'm wearing his clothes, then" you think to yourself.

"Want a snack?" asks Isaac. "Wife made brownies"

"Brownies sound good" you say. And eat 7.

Isaac laughs. He's a weird guy.

"Come see my family" says Isaac. "I'd love you to meet them."

You and Isaac walk into the living room.

"Everybody! This is Christian." (That's your name)

"Hello, Christian" they all say. In perfect unison.

"Christian" says Isaac. "This is my wife, Wendy. And our kids, Alex, Scotty and Paige.

"Hello" you say. You are uneasy.

You hangout with the family for the night. Play some Monopoly and the kids go to bed. You, Isaac, and Wendy are still up, watching Treehouse Masters.

"So, Christian...we've got a question for you" says Wendy.

“Would you be interested in a threesome with Isaac and I?"

Chapter 9:

You freaky fuck! You barely even know these people. Plus they're fucking weird.

"Whatever, let's do it!" You are overcome with an intense amount of excitement for this. You don't feel sick anymore. You haven't felt sick for a while now...

"GREAT!" Isaac exclaims. "Can't wait to watch you fuck my wife! Up to the bedroom we go!!"

You all walk up to their bedroom. It's a typical looking room. Except for one thing, the clocks. There are 3 different clocks in the room.

"Why are there three clocks?" You think to yours-

*lock*

That was the noise of Isaac locking the door. What the fuck is going on?

You freak.

You run for the door and try and open it. That shit's locked. Your not leaving.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?" You scream at them.

"Calm down, father" they both say in unison.

"Father?? What the fuck?! I'm not your dad! I'm younger than you! You sick fucks!"

Wendy puts a fourth clock on the wall.

"The fuck you doing with that clock, bitch!?" You yell at Wendy.

"Where's Isaac?" You think to yourself.

You smell something...minty.

You are in a pickle, what do you do now?

Chapter 10:

You run into the bathroom to find Isaac pouring massive amounts of mouthwash into the tub. It is almost full. You run to kick him. But are grabbed by a man. It's not Isaac. You can tell this man is big. You look behind you.

It's the thief.

He take you and dunks you into the mouthwash tub.

You pass out.

You wake up. In the same bathroom. No one is there. You walk out to the bedroom. The clocks are gone. So are Wendy and Isaac. The man is on the bed...

Smoking a bong.

"What the fuck is going on and who the fuck are you!?!?" You are mad.

"Calm down, father." He says.

"What the fuck is this father shit!? I'm not a dad! I'm single, and have no kids. Or pets! I'm a loser!"

"Exactly" tall man says. "You were the perfect candidate"

"For what?"

"You are the next Father Time. You have been for a couple days now."

“What do you mean?" You ask.

"I have transmitted my powers to you. We have met before."

You hear a car noise from outside.

"Look outside in the parking lot. he says."

You look.

It's the van.

"What the fuck! That's the van!" You say (yell).

"And it was me in it" he says. "My name is Jesus."

"What do you mean?" You ask.

"I have transmitted my powers to you. We have met before. I was the one in the van."

"But you were a rotted carcass!"

"Yes, and no. That was my Father Time form" he says" My 673 years have passed. My tenure of Father Time has ended and I needed to transmit the powers on to the next competent candid."

"But, how did you do that??"

Jesus throws you a book.

"This is everything you need to know. I am the third keeper of time. I have paid my dues and now you are the fourth keeper of time."

You read aloud "in order to transmit powers to the next, the next keeper must have an unpleasant experience of your Father form."

"You smelled my rotten flesh" Jesus said. "I think that did the trick. You now have the responsibility of controlling time for the next 673 years until you pass it on the to next. Just like I did. Just like Bambone the 2nd and Moses the 1st."

"Moses? Like Bible Moses?" You ask

"Yes" says Jesus

"Woah. And Bambone?"

"He was a Viking."

"Shit"

"Yeah"

You are still curious. You have so many questions.

Chapter 11:

"What about the weed?" You ask.

"The most important part" Jesus replies. "You must always be high for now on. If you are not high, then time distorts. This is due to the chrono-transmitter that developed in your brain. You smelling my dead body released the toxins in your brain to create the transmitter." He says "it is solely powered by THC. If you go three hours without weed. You will become very sick."

"I puked my brains out at a rest stop on the way here" you say. "Is that because I didn't smoke?"

"Precisely" Jesus replies.

"Shit. So for he next 673 years I am condemned to a life of being a stoner and the ultimate timelord? How will I keep this a secret? What happens when I don't die??"

"You are Father Time now." Jesus replies. "You will figure it out. Everything you need to know is in the book. Thank you and good luck:)"

Jesus vanished.

You aim to leave the room. Both doors are locked.

What do you do??

Chapter 12:

You notice the 4 clocks on the walls.

"Well, I am Father Time now. These things are like...my weapons? Fuck it, let's give it a shot."

You go up to one, take it off the wall and violently shake it.

"Come on! Work! You piece of shit!"

It does nothing.

You look on the back. There are words.

"FATHER OF TIME: MOSES

THE FOUNDER OF THE TIMELORDS

ACTIVATION DATE: Year 0

TERMINATION DATE: Year 673

WHEN JESUS WAS BORN, GOD DID NOT JUST ENTRUST HIS SON AS THE SAVIOR. BUT MOSES WITH THE GIFT OF TIME. HE WAS THE FIRST TO CARRY THE RESPONSIBILITY: THE ORIGINAL TIMEKEEPER."

"Woah, so that's how Moses came to be. I guess God didn't wanna control time and bequeathed it upon Moses."

“These next ones should be Bambone's and Jesus’”

As they were.

You go up to the second clock and read the back.

"FATHER OF TIME: BAMBONE THE VIKING

ACTIVATION DATE: 673

TERMINATION DATE : 1,346

"THE LAZIEST VIKING OF THEM ALL, BAMBONE DID NOTHING FOR HIS TRIBE AND SMOKE HASH ALL DAY.

ONE DAY, IN WHAT IS NOW NORTHERN RUSSIA, MOSES WAS ON HIS TRAVELS TO FIND THE NEXT KEEPER. HE CAME ACROSS A VIKING TRIBE. HE WAS CONFRONTED BY THE HEAD VIKING, CHARGED WITH TRESPASSING, AND WAS ORDERED TO BE BEHEADED. MOSES, KNOWING THIS WOULDN'T HAVE WORKED ANYWAY, PLAYED ALONG. THE TRIBE ORDERED BAMBONE TO BEHEAD MOSES THE NEXT MORNING. THE NEXT DAY BAMBONE SLEPT IN AND FORGOT ALL ABOUT THE EXECUTION CEREMONY. MOSES TOOK ADVANTAGE OF THIS SITUATION AND BIT BAMBONE'S EAR OFF. WITH THAT BITE, HIS POWERS WERE TRANSFERRED."

“lol, Moses Mike Tyson'd his ass." You chuckled. You are so funny.

"Okay, now time for Jesus'"

"FATHER OF TIME: JESUS THE FARMER (pronounced hay-soos)

"He was a farmer?"

"ACTIVATION DATE: 1,346

TERMINATION DATE: 2,019

JESUS WAS A SIMPLE SPANISH FARMER WHO LIVED IN SPAIN. WITH NEWS OF THE BLACK PLAGUE HE TRAVELED TO MEXICO TO START A NEW LIFE. UNABLE TO SUSTAIN FINANCIAL STABILITY AND HAVING TO HIDE HIS SEXUALITY FROM EVERYONE HE FELL INTO A DEEP DEPRESSION. WITH HIS FARMING EXPERIENCE, JESUS STARTED TO GROW CANNABIS. HE GREW THIS ONLY FOR HIM. HE LOVED IT SO MUCH. MEANWHILE, BAMBONE THE VIKING WAS IN SEARCH OF A NEW TIME KEEPER FOR HE KNEW HIS TIME WAS RUNNING UP. IN MEXICO CITY, HE WENT TO THE LOCAL SPANISH PUB AFTER A LONG DAY OF SEARCHING. ON THIS VERY DAY THERE WAS AN ATTEMPTED ROBBERY ON THE PUB. A LOCAL TRIED STEALING A WATER BARREL. BAMBONE WENT TO HELP. THE THIEF EXPRESSED HIS REGRET AND EXPLAIN HOW SAD HE IS. BAMBONE KNEW THIS WAS HIS CHANCE. BAMBONE OFFERED TO HELP. THE THIEF TOOK HIM BACK TO HIS HOME TO DEMONSTRATE HIS POOR LIFESTYLE. BAMBONE SEEMED VERY ENTICED...A LITTLE BIT TOO ENTICED. THE THIEF TRIED TO KISS BAMBONE. BAMBONE BEAT HIM WITH HIS CLUB. HE THEN BROKE HIS LEG THUS, TRANSFERRING HIS TIMEKEEPING POWERS. POOR GUY. BUT BAMBONE HAD TO DO WHAT HAD TO BE DONE. HE LEFT THE BOOK. EXPLAINED WHAT HAPPENED, AND VANISHED. THAT THIEF WAS TIMEKEEPER 3: JESUS” (obviously)

Chapter 13:

"FUCK, timekeepers are fucking dicks!" You exclaim.

"Now on to mine, I guess."

"FATHER OF TIME: CHRISTIAN THE LINEMEN

ACTIVATION DATE: 2,019

PROJECTED TERMINATION DATE: 2,692"

Then you know what happened.

You realize you are unable to escape with these clocks. So you must go out the way you came in, the bathtub mouthwash portal.

You submerge yourself in the mouth wash. You pass out and wake up. You are back in the room. Wendy and Isaac are there. They explain how they were Jesus' time servants. And how You will be assigned your own after one year. They wish you good luck. And vanish. You leave the house, grab your blunt from the truck, roll it. And continue with your life.

You must learn how to harness these powers.

So, smoke a lot of weed and maintain that time keeper name👍

submitted by /u/Jippy1707 [link] [comments] via Blogger http://bit.ly/2WLdp4B

[absolut-vodkum]

life feels impossible to live. Only one person cares about me the way they say they do, or at least that's all i notice. i cant believe i've actually made it this far riding the high the playing video games, sex, drugs(wish i did more)b etc. if i could change anything it would be to scream at that bitch who manipulated me into ruining my entire life in high school and make her realize i hated being with her. instead she decides to date some asshole who assaulted our child and she still forgave him after lying about some pretty heibous shit. i cant believe i ever hd feelings for someone like that. the best part is my own mother couldve prevented it years before it even happened if she gave a single fuck about me. she says she does but it'a fucking impossible to see it for me. she provided me with a roof over my head, food, and an abusive step father. she never listened to me or anything. her first response to hearibg me say i would kill myself is to send me to a mental hospital. she didnt even try to talk it out with me she just guilt tripped me into thinking i would need it. then after i get out she decides to guilt trip me with the cost of hospital bills like she wasnt the one who fucking left me there in the first place. ive never gotten any advice from her. she played a fucking mmorpg while i grew up sheltered and made my own decisions because i used to be pretty smart, i think. i wish i was a fucking dumbass things wouls be a lot easier. instead i can mope around while depression and anxiety rot my brain and i refuse to find the strength to get out of bed or use my muscles for anything. with some luck maybe i can find the strength to sit here and do nothing until i finally die

[thatinnerfeirygoddessphoenix]

New moon, new me

I hope.

Ive decided to let the past stay in the past. To sacrifice it for a better future. When those thoughts and memories inevitably come to me I block it out. Don't give it my time. Because if I dont I will continue down the path of the crazy. Ive always attracted broken and messed up mental cases for friends. The outcasts and weirdos. Those desperate for comraderie.

I had few friends as a child. What I thought was shyness turned out to be social anxiety. Is it so wrong to be cautious about strangers? Especially when you've been told not to be so forward with people? Maybe I was even hurt by some stranger, but its so far back in my repressed memories I cant even remember.

Or maybe it was because i was a tall girl. A little chubby, I believed I was fat. I had asthma so i couldnt run or play like the other kids. Asthma attacks are a bit similar to panic attacks. Suddenly you cant breathe right. Perhaps it was a little bit of panic as well. Its easy to misdiagnose a kid. A poor kid.

So I was poor, fat, "lazy", too tall, socially awkward and loved learning and books more than doing cartwheels. Ive never learned how to do a cartwheel.

Needless to say Ive felt ostracized. So I started separating myself from others. Better to do it before they could, right? Make it seem like it was MY idea that I was alone. That I was the one who didnt like THEM. It progressed so eventually the other kids were afraid of me. This big, scary, mean looking girl whos favorite color was black and listened to metal. Sure, i kinda get it. I loved metal because it was my parents favorite genre. I looked up to my dad, who is a drummer, even though he was never there all the time.

Now he hounds me to have grandchildren. How can I politely explain to him that I dont want to end up a sad and lonely wreck of a mother because some ass decided to nut in me and leave?

I do realize now that Ive picked up my moms bad luck with dudes. Not believing you're worthy of someone so thats what they think too. Giving up before you start. Getting angry at them instead of evaluating yourself and how you could change.

Being healthy is so important if you really want that special someone enough. Mentally healthy. My family is as unhealthy as they come. I grew up thinking this was normal. No one ever talked things out or called anyone out. They just let whatever ills they had fester and rot inside of them. Usually the next day they acted like nothing happened. Life as usual. Better to let it go than rock the boat, but that meant that whatever wrong was never righted. The wrongful never learned just how shitty they could be.

It was all talking behind backs and complaining instead of confrontation. Like the ghost of my grampa was gonna swoop down and punish them for talking. I feel like he was the root of all the suffering they all endured. Bad people ruin lives. I can attest.

Lately, due to my emotional state, ive been such an asshole. So angry at the world for abandoning me. For abandoning itself.

Of course I dont hurt people the way he did. He seriously scarred them in a way NO child should EVER have to feel. I just lash out with my cutting words, or the lack thereof.

I run away, hide, from them when they need me. Become selfish as I try to nurse the pain I feel. The guilt over hurting them makes it worse. I want to hurt myself for it, but I promised myself that I would stop self harming.

At least I dont break my own oaths. I promised I would never do meth or heroin. Not since I saw what I could become. Since I saw a friend with huge potential turn into a stuttering unconscionable mess. I cant hurt myself anymore. Ive done terrible things to myself, because I couldnt handle the pain i felt inside.

My emotions have always been unusual. Intense. I can feel what others do, and when I feel my own, compounded with theirs, its too much to bear.

These promises Ive made have not stopped the rumors about me. I know my outward appearance and actions were... unusual. Incriminating? No, they failed to see the sad desperation of lovesickness. Of hating myself immensely because the guy I loved didnt love me back. Yet I lived with him. Made him my best friend. Made him my everything.

That was the biggest mistake. In the end I probably just hurt him. I wanted him to hurt so that he could feel even a FRACTION of what I was going through. I was unable to let it go. Hyper-focusing on every detail of him and me. We never left each others side...

That could have been part of it. It was so strange. He never told me he needed time away. Never tried to do stuff on his own. I gave him as much opportunity as possible. The strangest part was that I never needed a break from him, not until the end. I wanted to be by his side always. Me? I cant be with ANYONE for more than a few hours without having to be alone to recharge myself. It was like i finally found a battery amongst vampires.

What was I so upset about then? I felt like he WAS hiding something from me. I still have a feeling deep in the void of my chest, that he had something to say, but was too afraid to say it.

The part of me that loves him wanted him to admit he liked me too, but was too afraid of what people would say if we actually did get together. Social impairment.

I buried that down. So any hint of attraction ANYONE sent me I just... threw away. No, they cant think that. Im just kidding myself. Just false hopes. That wasnt real.

This is why i like straightforward people. Takes the second guessing right out of my head. So there is no room for my brain to tell me they could be lying or using me.

Im a new person. I dont like the idea of falling in love with anyone new. Love hurts too much. Love is hard. I still have him in my heart, but damn, I cant keep him in my head. I hope he does some good for himself. I hope he finds a better life.

I hope i do too. Gotta stop running around with someone else in my head because theres no room for my own thoughts.

I want to be able to create again. Can one still create after theyve been destroyed?