#i didnt expect people to even get invested in this silly little thing

[aychama]

I need to keep reminding myself that im making the comic for me. That im telling this story because im a little crazy about it.

Im making all of this on my free time after work so I shouldnt feel guilty about not pumping out artwork after artwork.

I know so many people are waiting excitedly, so am I, but making a comic takes time and work. This whole thing is probably going to take so much longer than I think it will.

Nobody is pressuring me either so taking time for myself is not a bad thing. Even if people forget about my stuff and it doesnt get engagement its not the end of the world.

I am making this for myself. Just because I like it. Just because I enjoy creating.

[rqs902]

.

a lin ran feature :’) i respect hes self-aware about his need to be more than cute to succeed. lin ran has always given me a vibe that hes very serious and tough on himself. he looks soft but has high demands and seems very determined to get what he wants.

im not worried about li hao bc hes surrounded by a bunch of kids who can teach him how to dance LOL not just lin ran but like jin fan and tianci too

what is this pole and could they not move it LOL

lol so jin fan and tianci did a flippy trick and we just gonna pretend like it didnt happen lol okay 

ugh so jin fan kinda got to do more dancing than other stages but i was still hoping itd be more!!! but man lin ran is really killing with his stage presence here

leave it to ycw to speak loudly and vocally about his friends being injured so people recognize their suffering

LOL lin ran’s sassy “im not stupid!!” but yea the third stage was really rough for him, so im glad he was able to recover 

LOL lin ran again casually threatening the production team to be like “please edit this stage well” “please don’t cut our segment short” LOL 

lol yea im not surprised at this point that li hao won even tho it shouldve been lin ran. youku is def making these rankings up. lol gjm did you even look at lin ran’s facial expressions???? lol making up excuses for youku wat

lin mo praising lin ran and giving him encouragement like a true bro bc he knows how hard lin ran worked for this stage. i wonder if he designed the stage rigging

AY I RESPECT OSCAR. hes a good kid and someone whos willing to speak his mind to address problems, thats awesome. they need someone to do that. he’s direct with the problems but also directly follows by complimenting them and saying how great they could be if they pulled through LOL hes still a kid so hes trying not to offend them but i respect his courage, warmth and dependability. 

LOL XUE EN DESTROYED FRANKLIN HAHAHAHAHAHHA and he goes all cutesy after like he has no idea the power he holds LOL but im glad they showed some footage of xue en also teaching the other kids dance. cto skills whooo 

ycw still bringing up shiwei? hes either very caught up in his feelings still (which is probably not a good thing at this point) or hes just a really dedicated friend... or youku is just purposefully using shiwei’s elimination for dramatic effect. 

im surprised they didnt highlight cxh more bc youku seems to like him, and conversely they gave xzx a ton of time for his stage and let xzx win. 

XUE EN IS SO HANDSOME 

okay i just needed to get that out of my system

but also im kinda glad syh is in this group bc hes the only one who i will not laugh at when singing this song. ycw and oscar talking about drinks and whiskey??? yall are babies?? also this song does NOT match this dance well at all. i see why they didnt like it when they previewed it LOL also i see now why i saw an edit on twitter of this dance over “retreat” from qcyn bc that song actually FIT the tie pulling move.. versus this im just like ??? seems so out of place?? 

also their voices all sound weird :\ maybe its just too high of a register for ycw and cxh? or maybe theyre just not very good at singing....? lol 

giving xue en the only multi colored tie? THEY KNEW. 

im just happy that the party group was able to make their stage so well that other kids were regretting not choosing them bc ycw was really struggling to get people to join him...

LOL CSP BEING SILLY TO ZHAN YU THIS IS THE FRIENDSHIP I NEED

LOL XZX AND LIN MO are adorable together 

im glad that they spent time to say zhaohao has improved, i feel like hes gotten zero recognition so far. i feel like ycw winning is the only win i am willing to believe so far. (couldve been xue en too tho) 

A FEATURE ON XIKAN’S FRIENDSHIP WITH LUO ZHENG omggggggggggggggg luo zheng the sweetest ge, leaving all the good things for xikan whatt ugh but luo zheng is like literally going actor route so sad that he still wants to be on stage but has no opportunities. im grateful theyre still so close that xikan starts crying just thinking about him 

xikan being involved in the stage design and costuming and all makes me think of lin ran but also makes me think of cai xukun. cxk always gets so involved in every little detail to seek perfection

interesting that they focused it all on zry and lxk........ but at least highlighted xikan’s fun side

lol they purposefully cut in fan yu screaming zry’s name and ycw yelling cyc.... 

but also tbh xikan’s voice was not very strong during his high note and i know hes giving 110% into his dancing so im guessing he doesnt have much air left at that point but i was kinda disappointed it couldve been better. BUT he still did a good job. i thought the part where they ripped off his jacket couldve been more impactful? but it felt like it was just randomly in the middle of the rap break and he doesnt sing again until much later so it was like why did you change clothes there? 

tbh this song isnt that exciting? so im surprised that they wanted it that badly? 

i saw spoilers that fan yu was gonna be there and its adorable and i love their friendship but lol zuo ye being like i shouldve asked all my gege’s to come.... lol aka they know its kinda unfair for fan yu to be winning votes for zry

im grateful all the trainees are supportive of xikan and they purposefully showed a bunch of popular kids cheering for xikan

gosh that injury on his nose, you know hes put too much energy and is too invested into his dance part when he rips his own face like that :\ 

i saw spoilers that renyu would win and someone did the math that it makes zero sense for their group’s score to be that low, but i didnt expect their score to be THAT low.... goodness wtf thats definitely rigged, i see why people were mad. 

renyu winning is either entirely rigged bc youku wants him to debut or people are really just voting for him bc fan yu was there and that’s not fair either. i love renyu (and his friendship with fan yu) but there’s no way renyu actually won that many votes on a stage where he didnt really show his vocals that much and he messed up his dancing and he was surrounded by kids who danced much better and wouldve made him look not great. this makes zero sense. and the fact that ycw is the only winner that made sense is probably bc youku was like well we cant make it too obvious that its all a joke. but really, its all a joke. 

yes i love that renyu worked hard and stayed up all night but can we talk about how xikan does that for every stage? and renyu’s just now started to do so. renyu just came into this competition less prepared, so his improvement is easier to see. 

i still think if youku wants to debut renyu, theyll kick out lin ran from top 7, but can we talk about how lin ran put in all the effort to design and perfect his stage? how he teaches others to dance and pushes his group mates to shine as a leader and how he has truly one of the most memorable and formidable stage presences on this whole show? people say the debuting group will need renyu’s voice but how can you really say that renyu fits and is prepared and deserves to debut more than lin ran? 

renyu is adorable and talented but let’s be real, as a vocalist, hes not like you zhangjing, hes not like zhao lei, hes not like zhao pinlin, hes not proven that he really fits to be a main vocal in a boy band. youku cannot force us into believing that he can fit that role without any evidence to prove his worth. its like theyre trying to jam someone into that role and its like renyu’s their closest bet, but even tho he still doesnt quite fit, theyre just gonna shove him in anyway. this is what happens when you only give attention to people who are dancers and dont give actual attention to people who are actually boy band main vocal material.... /COUGH ZHAN YU or even cui shaopeng?? 

how can you possibly believe that renyu got 173 but their average was 134? none of xikan’s groups numbers make sense: 

how did shengen suddenly drop so much? youku has been touting him this whole time into the top 10. shouldnt more of xikan’s fans voted for xuyu? bc he literally begged during the last elim for xuyu to make it this far. xuyu wasnt even dead last in the elim ranking but here he gets last place by like 15 votes??? when everyone else’s vote difference is like half of that at max? 

you expect me to believe lin ran only got 127 after he literally descended from the ceiling as an angel? that doesnt attract attention? how are both zuo ye and hu wenxuan so low? wenxuan was literally center and had bright pink hair, and in a song style that suited him, you cant tell me he didnt shine on this stage. xikan tied with xzx???? beneath a kou cong and su xunlun tie??? no way 

theres one week left and youku’s getting desperate to make it look like whatever they’re going to make happen will be a natural result, that this competition is up in the air and no one is safe, but it just seems very questionable to me. 

sooo does this mean there arent gonna be elims before the finals or what, we just dont see them announce who gets to perform? im assuming not all 32 kids will take part? and theres not gonna be a mentor collab stage? it wouldve been cool to see han yu and cheng xiao with the kids. there were 3 stages between the first and second elimination but no third elim and no mentor stage? its a mad rush to the end, honestly. 

oh well, we still love these CHILDREN 

ps: if youve been following my rants, i honestly feel like i have had a really positive impression of zheng renyu from the start and i really do like him. he makes really good songs and his voice is very nice and his friendships are pure and his attitude is commendable. 凄美地 and 當帷幕落下 and 後來的我們 are some of my favorite favorite songs to listen to from this entire show, like probably 3 of my top 5, and a good deal of that is because of renyu and his voice. but im just trying to be realistic and renyu is not in my ideal debuting boy band. 

[boopliette]

Hello, sorry to bother but I just saw the Les Mis tour in Milton Keynes and I know you did, too! How did you like the staging? Did you enjoy it? I have feelings (I always have tbh but now more feelings)

I did, I saw it in Milton Keynes last weekend! I was super lucky because I actually saw the third cover Jean Valjean’s debut! He was amazing and whilst I was sad to miss Killian, I was so excited to be able to catch something rare! 

I really thought the cast was wonderful, like I saw that Valjean, and an understudy Fantine and the rest was full cast and I loved most of them so much! Especially like, Martin Ball’s Thenardier is hysterical, Nic’s Stars was fantastic, and ofc I loved Will and Rubeun as Enjolras and Grantaire. I also thought Harry was a lovely little Marius, what a sweet little baby boy. 

Now, my thoughts on the staging are much unchanged from the last time I talked tour. It’s okay? Like, yeah its still les mis (even if they did change the lyrics in a lot of parts which just kept throwing me off) but its not like, as finely tuned as the London production is.

One thing I kept feeling was that it was so like,, empty? Because the stage in Milton Keynes at least is Huge, so everyone felt so spread out and far apart, and it didnt feel like it had the same, intimacy or energy as the smaller stage in London does? So like I felt way less invested just on that.

One change I really hated was how the factory foreman is the first guy to pay Fantine in Lovely Ladies?? It doesn’t make any sense because when he comes back out they sing at him “Come on Captain, did you wear your shoes”??? Like he’s the Factory Foreman, you just established that? He’s not a captain? Go home tour you’re not making sense. 

A lot of the differences like, I like them but I still don’t want them to replace the London production? Like Gavroche’s Death is still really powerful but in a different way? Like in London I find there’s more tension just because a) the song is longer and b) you really get a sense of how small and alone he is one the other side of the barricade. But on tour you get that brief moment of “oh thank god, he made it” before he gets shot. Also, Empty Chairs is again, very powerful but in a different way. Like the tour highlights Marius’s grief, whereas London highlights his guilt? And like none of them are bad changes, they’re just Different. 

Also, Javert’s suicide really caught me off guard. I didn’t expect him to Peter Pan. Like, sure London is silly with a grown man rolling on the ground, but a grown man floating in mid-air was so funny to me that I couldn’t take it seriously. Also, and this is just me being pedantic, but he jumped off the bridge, and was falling straight down but then also was falling backwards and landed in the river backwards despite logic saying he should’ve been feet first and I was so distracted thinking about that I zoned out for most of Turning (also Turning? I don’t need that extra verse, thanks, I’m good). 

I’ll admit some of my tour enjoyment was compromised by an unruly audience. Like they wouldn’t stop chatting and tHEN. AND THEN! The audience started clapping along in Do You Hear the People Sing AND IN THE REPRISE WHEN EVERYONE IS DEAD! LIKE MILTON KEYNES, THIS IS NOT THE TIME!!!

I wish the touring production and the original London production could just, co-exist. Like why can’t we just have both. The tour really suits touring, I don’t think it will work as well in London. 

But yeah, what are your thoughts about it?? I can see why people would love it, but I’m just so salty its replacing what I love that I’m so nitpicky about it.

Also, if anyone wants to talk more about the tour, or my beautiful love the London production, feel free to message me more! I love talking Les Mis.

Also also—

 That goddamn wagon can still go to hell.

[hisui-cotton]

RWBY V6E11 Theorizing and Reactions

Sorry it's a wall of text

Firstly GOD I HATE ADAM, IM SO HAPPY!!

Knowing that he really at this point- no matter what happened to him, even if he didnt deserve whatever it was that happened to him in the past- will absolutely deserve what Yang and Blake are gonna dish out, is fantastic.

I was pretty surprised about the face reveal actually I genuinely thought itd just never happen. But I'm happy it did because now I have some serious concerns about the world of Remnant.

It feels possible that Adam's semblance is actually artificial and brought on by whatever people branded him at the SDC. I doubt he was born with his sword, and it's safe to assume it's only his sword that works with his semblance since he always has it. Thus I think the SDC probably experimented on him and tested the possiblity or artificial semblances that they could make specifically to "enchnace" people for maybe a cause of some sort, in a way that ensured they'd always have the best possible fighters with the best semblances. Or the best dust test subjects.

That or the weapon has to be passed down through his family and the interest peaked people who research semblances so they poked and prodded him to figure out how his semblance worked.

Or he was just a SDC slave.

And if the artificial semblance was successful, could there be a chance that Mercury will one day be subject to it? Or find out and become interested?

And what kinda of people do something like that to a possible generation of faunus? Even if you don't see them as people, even if you see them as animals, theres got to be some moral kick at some point that tells you that you're the monster and not them. It's likely people of Atlas, who believe in the military power they have and likely want to sustain assisted by the SDC. Or a group that existed in the SDC and then was brought down with the early growth of the initial White Fang, maybe even before that and was a reason the White Fang came to exist.

Bumblebee moving to the possible canon is fantastic though I dont know how likely itll become full out canon right now, but maybe. I mean that with every hope that it will be, I just think that after this they'll simply be closer and feel better about their relationship before going "yes I am romantically interested in you".

But in all hopes I want that ship to SAIL NOW!!! WITH IT BEING SAID STRAIGHT UP! I love the hand hold, I love the togetherness so just say it straight up soon, I don't need a kiss I just need to hear the confirmation.

((As much as I also love Black Sun. Dont @ me please I'm a person who crack ships all the things in a pure AU world where anything is possible I'm sorry))

The fighting was top notch btw, the emotional investment is there and the coordination is so good!! I loved the use of smears and stretch, especially since this is 3D, I do wish the fighting was backed up just a liiiiiittle bit but I understood the use of character expression during the fight too. It just didn't feel like every hit was very big, just very strong so it looked kinda odd? Like you couldn't see much of the wind up while they were moving, only the speed of the attacks. When you did see more of the wind up it was just while they were still. It was still obvious the strength in each hit it just felt kinda off at minor points. Mainly with Blake v Adam.

Adam v Yang though WHEW I WAS GONNA CRY! She was doing really well she didn't flinch during the fight which I found suprising at first and then the hand shaking came in and I noticed that it's only her left, that's ever done it, and i wonder if that just because it has nerves or if she thinks that's something will happen to that one too. Or maybe it's just a general unconsciousness thing with the trauma of losing her other hand (the PTSD of it). But she still took the fight really well and I'm happy she is really learning to control her fighting its absolutely great growth, because while she's fighting with emotion, she's staying calm and not fighting in anger but more in...determination...to protect Blake and I'm sure she knows that things can't be going well at the cliff so she's trying to see the quickest way to finish this for their sake and the others.

Now speaking of the cliff. White Roooose, Flower Pooower, JAUNE BOI WITH THEM PRO STRATS, Qrow and Ren working together was actually unexpected, and Oscar and Maria in the plane has me scared af.

Grandma Atlas (bc I cant remember her name) is very confident in herself, and I would have though that silly if she didn't somehow make the mech move fast enough to catch that missle?? I, tbh, didnt like that but I'll give then the anime fight moment, itll be my one for the season (which is pretty good since there's only one more episode I think).

Maria is too loose of a canon, I literally cannot believe she just mentioned having her drivers license revoked and now shes flying ship. Itll be fine since she pretty much has the ships view but jeez Maria.

Ruby knowing that Weiss would be useful in the fight on the ocean means that she and Jaune are probably thinking very similarly about how to handle the fight. Jaune explaining the fight and reassuring it tells me he was thinking about how to fight it the moment it started approaching.

Jaune grabbing Nora was incredible, like back in V1 or V2 I never would have thought he could do something like that just out off the top of his head. But I think that also says something about how scared he is to lose another teammate. He was pushed away by Phyrra, could only watch initially when Weiss got hurt, but now he feels the strength he needed all those times and dived head first in protecting his teammate over just himself when he saw danger coming.

Oscar's analysis of fighting is likely getting good or getting influenced mildly by Oz's trained eye for that kind of thing.

Weiss's wasp was maybe overused just a tiny bit. I feel like if they amped her aura/semblance, created a surface, and then went with her knight, things would have been a bit easier. Or maybe harder? She and Jaune might have used too much and KO'd themselves if her knight wasn't enough and then they'd just be in the same spot.

MY PRECIOUS DAUGHTER RUBY!!! BETTER BE OKAY!!!!!!! She was fighting really well, but I was also surprised by that she took at the glass, she was out for blood with a shot like that. She used her semblance more than I expected but I guess again a giant mech what's she gonna do.

Nora getting back HER MAN!!! THAT WAS A GREAT LINE AND NORA IS THE GREATEST EVER thank you.

I hope the town doesn't get attacked by Grimm because they're scared of this ruckus the kids are causing.

Also based on the title of this episode are you trying to say that Grandma Atlas is the little old lady who lives in a shoe!

Umm....I guess that's all I have thoughts about? I dont feel like I missed anything that I had a big reaction to.

I look forward to the final ep, whenever that'll be (I think it's this coming sat. But idk) and then after that GEN:lock. But this season has been so satisfying to watch even if it feels like I dont really remember everything (though I'm sure that's from personal problems not anything with the story).

[swampgallows]

it’s becoming harder and harder for me to find solace in places. the guilt inside me is becoming heavy. i know that if i want something, i need to make it happen, but i am so exhausted of having to do everything myself. and the things i do get help with i feel grateful, of course, but then so guilty that i’m needing to be helped that it’s incapacitating. i’m just so late in the game to everything. i’m so outside of life and what other people are doing. i’ve always felt that way, though. i’m never gonna snap into place like they want me to. 

i need to pick a career and stuff. i just have to like shot in the dark pick something at this point because there isn’t going to be some divine calling, my pittance from art commissions is not gonna be enough to sustain me (and i dont think i can get to a point where it will), im just so bogged down knowing that everybody is fuckin poor. 

part of me wishes i could wake up and just ‘be normal’. that i could throw away all the weird stupid shit in my life. the trashy little kid bracelets, the clown clothes, the nerdy interests, the ugly monsters (what on earth is an ‘orc’?), the hundreds of heavy and just plain weird records that are sooo boring and irritating and repetitive and loud and obnoxious. all the shit i’ve internalized about stuff i am beyond passionate about, the only fuel that keeps me alive and gives me a reason to wake up in the morning. i read once about brain trauma, that someone suffered an injury and when they woke up, all of their interests changed completely. they were a classically-trained musician, iirc, and ended up just selling all of their instruments and getting rid of all their books etc because it had absolutely no value to them anymore. they were completely changed. i dont remember what their new interests became, but... the thought of that has haunted me for over a decade. maybe someone will hit me in the head just right until i wake up and be a normal person who cares about normal, accessible things instead of all this fringe and abrasive fantasy bullshit. what if i woke up one day and became a devout christian? i roll over and my room is foreign to me, along with everything in it, and then i just throw it all away? i start over, stripped clean. tabula rasa. i get good interests instead. relatable adult things, like gourmet food and backpacking. i titter with the girls at the office and wear pencil skirts and focus on landing me a tall dark and handsome. 

the thought of becoming that thing is heartwrenching. painful. but it’s all obvious, of course, why i would ever have that masochistic fantasy of completely disowning my worthless oblong self. a me that isn’t ‘ruined’. 

i went through my kandi stash the other day trying to find all my kandi with bells on it (I could have sworn i had more). and going through a lot of it was a flood of memories. high school, college, raver days. when i was in high school, all by my lonesome, the only candy kid or rave-associated ANYTHING in my 4000+ fellow students, i had to wear a lot of my own kandi. and i did so as a beacon, a lighthouse, hoping that i could be a beaming signal to any other candy kids who might be in hiding. and i got so dizzy and self-consuming with my repressed interest that i became a zealot about it, being extremely rude and elitist about my interests because i felt a need to protect them. i felt the pressure of them looking to be watered down or erased. i was the same with warcraft. 

ten years later i’m not as rude about it, but i feel exactly the same way. in high school i had to wear my own kandi, would have it ripped off of my arms in big fistfuls by those who ostracized me, and had to be tongue-in-cheek and submissive about my passion, my very real and non-ironic DEVOTION to this. thank god on tumblr i can write 4000 word dissertations about garrosh hellscream and some of you crazy fucks actually bother to read it, but sometimes i still feel like that kind of pariah for having a very niche and very specific fixation. 

even people who played warcraft when i was in high school told me i took it too seriously because i roleplayed; and even roleplayers in the game told me i took it too seriously because i didnt want to sit around for 6 hours pretending to drink alcohol and trying to get laid, except as an elf. the fact that i really wanted to discuss the lore and delve into the story and the universe of azeroth, of how it would feel to be in that place, to live that life, ostracized me even from the people who claim to feel the same way. but roleplay was never about focusing on how our veins dont surge anymore as undead, how your digestive organs need to be removed post-undeath so they dont explode and rupture and hang out of your bowels like the abominations in the Undercity, how the undead are technically still the same citizens of Loraderon but are being ousted by their living counterparts in neighboring kingdoms. it was just “haha im a funny dead pirate man and i’m going to womanize 12 blood elf women at once behind all of their backs.”

in trying to become a gabber dj too, i felt like i had to take it upon myself because nobody else plays the music that i like. but alll of these things... it feels like i’m just building a house by myself. i feel like nobody truly, at the core, appreciates the intersection of interests that i have, or can only smile and nod at my fervor but not really understand it. and it’s nobody’s fault, nobody is obligated to feel what i feel. 

i’m glad people enjoy the garrosh posts and art that i make. and i’m glad that my friends make kandi with me now and encourage me to play gabber. i’m happy when i get some really good RP, even if i have to be the one to walk up every time. i’m glad that people want me to “do the thing”. i just feel like... there is no payoff once it’s done. everyone gets glad that it’s finished, and they enjoy it then, but then it dissolves. nobody is invested in it but me.

i know the solution is to be more accessible, but i can’t seem to imagine anything other than swinging the pendulum in the opposite direction. like, all or nothing. either you take all of my german expressionism with the warcraft meta and the rave shit, or you get nothing. i dont know how to dilute myself and that’s part of what was killing me at my job. i felt like a novelty. a doll. but it wasn’t their fault.. they couldnt relate to what i was talking about and passionate about, and it’s not their fault. they liked me because i was well-spoken and funny and a diligent worker, which are all nice and accessible things, but when nobody can cathect with me, really empathize with me, i feel like a jester. a consumable. 

my college roommates would tell me that they loved me because i was so funny. and that’s it. i existed as entertainment, but anything human about me—my passions, my interests, my insights, my memories—meant nothing. even my family will ask me a question and then cut me off in the middle of my sentence, expressing more of just their disbelief or confusion about something than actually seeking information. it’s why i stopped answering customers when they’d ask “how did you dye your hair?” and, like an idiot, i attempted to explain the process to them, thinking they actually wanted to know. but a few words in and their eyes glazed over, probably because they weren’t expecting a “real answer”. i began to accept that any questions directed toward me were closer to passive acknowledgements of me just standing there and existing in their field of vision than any sort of actual desired input from me. it’s like when people ask “how are you?” and you are obligated to say “fine” because it is the rote response. if you actually start talking about how you are doing, you are violating the socially agreed upon script of pleasantries. 

i cant do small talk. i cant do scripts. i dont get it. it doesnt make sense to me. and i think retail killed me because of that. i wasn’t a person. i wasn’t even an NPC. i was just a doll. an actor. a pull-string action figure with 5 fun phrases. i was so wacky and weird with my green hair and my silly bracelets and funny observations. ho ho what fun it is to work here with our personal jester to tell us funny stories about her cuh-razy antics she gets up to!

like how nate said “the craziest thing of someone’s year will be seeing someone play the legend of zelda theme on an accordion at a convention and for us that’s just like a walk down the street”. 

my feet straddle two divergent worlds and i cant pick just one but im about to fall in the crevice.

man i fuckin love ratatouille man. i fuckin love that film. i cant choose between two halves of myself. even when the halves want the other half dead.

i need a liaison. where’s MY linguini????

[lifeasitis21]

Meant To Be (Part 2)

Pairing: Pietro x Reader

Summary: Part 2 of my story Meant to Be. Part One here. And for those of you waiting for this, thank you for your patience! I hope you enjoy.

Warnings: Injuries

Blood was dripping down your forearms, comms were down. All you could hear was static.

You could feel yourself fading, first would be the dull pounding headache, then the blurry vision. You were losing blood, and quick.

“Fucking bastard.” You spit through gritted teeth, holding one hand to your torn abdomen and another to the wall to steady yourself.

Just a couple more feet and you’d be out, you could see the moonlight seeping through a crack in the door at the end of the hallway.

10 feet. 5 feet away now. The room was spinning. Warm blood now trailed down your thigh. Leaving puddles of it in your wake.

Your arm weakly reached out towards the handle, 2 feet away.

In front of the door now he stood. Like a prison wall between you and life.

Your legs had given out by now. On your knees, you looked down at the hole in your stomach, the blood staining your hands.

You looked up into familiar eyes. They were filled with love. It made you sick.

“Let me out.”

Your plea was met by silence.

“Let me—“ you muttered weakly. “Le’me out you son of a bitch. You son of a bitch! You did this let me out!”

You screamed it with all the strength you had left. The sounds of pain and agony intertwining themselves within your blood curdling scream.

You jolted up, the echo of your own scream fading in your mind as you clutched the sheets around you.

Your head was damp with sweat.

It took you a moment to recognize your surroundings as your eyes adjusted to the darkness.

“I’m okay.” You whispered, chest still slowly rising up and down. “I’m okay.”

It was early, probably around 5. That was when you usually woke up after a nightmare. And no matter how many times you tried you could never fall back asleep.

Whenever you were overseas and this happened, you would jog to the nearest beach, or into the deepest forest you could find. But here, the only escape was to succumb to the noise inside a city that never slept.

You rolled out of bed and threw on some jeans. Now that your identity wasn’t hidden, you felt that you had to be on edge. You hated that, but you were used to it.

You pulled a beanie as low onto your head as you could and left the loft.

This part of town was actually pretty quiet so early in the morning.

You had to go to the tower sometime today anyway and it was only about a 30 minute walk.

You just hoped someone would be awake, as to avoid awkwardly waiting in the living room until someone showed up.

The security guard saw you approaching and ran to open up the door for you. He seemed to have taken a liking to you since you showed up. He was an older guy, maybe in his 40’s.

“Good morning Frank. How are you?”

You smiled and tugged at your beanie. Fiddling with the fabric as he greeted you.

“It’s pretty early Y/n. I didnt expect to see anyone.” He said, convincing you that he was emotionally invested in whatever your answer would be.

“Couldn’t sleep.”

That was enough for him. You were a person of few words, and he understood that you didn’t mean any offense by it.

“You have a great day then miss Y/n.”

You got off the elevator on the fitness level. Maybe if you got your blood pumping, it would tire you out enough to pull your mind from that stupid nightmare.

At Clint’s suggestion, you’d left a bag with some clothes and toiletries in one of the lockers. If you ever needed to crash here you could, but for now you changed into some workout clothes and put in some headphones.

The gym was empty, only lit by the early rising sun. You kept the lights off and headed for the punching bags. It always felt good to release a little tension by beating the crap out of something that couldn’t fight back.

It had been a couple minutes and you were beginning to lose yourself. Which is what you’d hoped would happen.

A few yards behind you entered Pietro, he wanted to get in his workout for the day before the gym got crowded. But to his pleasant surprise he saw you across the room. Your back was to him, and he could see the wires of your headphones swaying back and forth as you moved around the bag.

In the blink of an eye he was standing right behind you. Unwisely, he placed a tentative hand to your shoulder. It took you no time at all to grab said hand and pull it down over your shoulder, followed by his entire body.

He landed on his back in front of you with a thud.

“Jesus christ. Pietro, what the fuck?!” You shouted.

“Ugh, la dracu pe mine.” Pietro took a moment before standing up. “Good morning to you too Y/n.”

That brought a smile to your face, you bent down and grabbed his arm to help him up.

“I’m sorry about that. You–just surprised me.”

A grin formed on his lips. “If that’s you surprised, I don’t want to see you angry.”

You returned to your bag and threw a couple more punches, expecting him to walk away and do his own thing, he didn’t.

“So, what are you doing here so early? I know you didn’t sleep here,” You shot him a sideways glance as he continued. “So you must have come from your home.” 

He waited patiently, like a child waited for a present on his birthday. 

“Sometimes I like to work out. Get some of my energy out when I can’t sleep as well.”

“Who said I couldn’t sleep?” You said, jabbing a few more times. 

“Well, excuse my assumption frumoasa, but if you could sleep, wouldn’t you be sleeping?”

You couldn’t help but laugh a little, finally taking the bait and giving him your full attention. 

“I go back to sleep, just happens sometimes. And when It does, the only thing I can do is go somewhere or do something, so I came here.” You rested one of your arms around the bag and watched him watching you. You found the way he looked at you strange. Most looked at you like a puzzle. Minds buzzing to try and figure you out. You hated that. But Pietro, he looked at you like a painting hung in a museum. Something that was in and of itself complete and whole. He was just a bystander lucky enough to see it with his own eyes.

A jingle began to play in your headphones, it caught you off guard and you jumped a little. Your phone had begun to ring, when you pulled it out a silly picture of Clint with his tongue sticking out popped up on your screen.

You glanced up at Pietro before taking a few steps away and answering.

“Hey.”

“Y/n hey.” He sounded in a rush, “How fast can you get here? I need your help.”

“Well here as in the tower? I’m already here. Downstairs.”

Pietro felt a little out of place listening in on your conversation, but as you’d turned to talk, he couldn’t help but notice how much your workout gear was doing for your curvy figure.

He stopped himself, of course…But every time he did he couldn’t help but glance again. One thing he couldn’t risk was you catching him. After strike one with that young recruit, he didn’t want you thinking he was a jerk. Did he find it easy to seduce women, yes. Did he flirt with them often, yes. But he didn’t want you to know that. And maybe that meant something.

“Uh, Yeah. Okay I’m my way up.” You turned to Pietro, who seemed to be very interested in something on the top of his shoe and said, “Clint needs my help upstairs, says he’s in over his head? Do you know what that’s about?”

“In over his head?” His head tilted to the side ever so slightly. His accent did something to you, you couldn’t deny it. You loved hearing him talk. “It may have something to do with him agreeing to host some national leaders for dinner tonight, promising they would enjoy a home cooked meal, and then forgetting he doesn’t know how to cook.”

Sounded like Clint.

“We better go then.” You said as you turned. You hadn’t even thought before you simply expected Pietro to join you, but he didn’t say a word about it, just followed close behind you all the way upstairs..

“Oh–my god.”

As you and Pietro approached the kitchen you could smell it before you could see it. And when you did see it, well. It was bad. 

“Oh thank god you’re here. Y/n I may be a little fucked right now.”

“No shit.” A blood splatter like pattern of flour littered 4 of the 6 cabinets. At least two eggs had either fallen to the floor or just cracked right there on the counter. 

“So we have some guests coming for dinner. And I decided to cook up some of my famous double chocolate brownies…I may have forgotten a few steps of the recipe so–”

“A few?” Pietro chimed in. “I’m pretty sure you don’t own a fucking cookbook, much less follow the steps of said cookbook.”

You walked towards Clint and used your thumb to wipe a clump of…maybe egg whites, from underneath his eye. 

“What about the dinner part of this dinner?” You asked.

Clint rolled his eyes. “That is going to be provided by one of Tony’s finest caterers. I told him my only job should be dessert. Then he told his caterer to make a cake, so my job is the dessert that people will have the option of eating.”

“Just tell us what you want us to do old man.” Pietro laughed. He grabbed an apron and tied it around himself, and then he handed another to you. “I think you might need this prinţesă.”

You took the apron from his hand and tied it around your waste. You were starting to grow found of his little nicknames. 

“Okay Pietro, whats the next step?” You held your flour covered arms over a bowl full of what you hoped would turn out to be a good cookie dough. Pietro had gotten assigned instruction reader after Clint asked him to crack an egg into his bowl and he had just crushed it in his hand, shell and all.

“Stir the cookie batter until it is wet enough to stick together.”

You looked down at the bowl, which at this moment only contained dry ingredients. “Yeah I don’t think that’s gonna happen.” You looked over your shoulder at Pietro, who had an open bag of chocolate chips that he was pouring directly into his mouth.

“Pietro. You didn’t tell me any of the wet ingredients yet.”

A devious grin formed on his face and he pushed off the counter he was sitting on and leaned in towards you. “Well dragă if it’s wet you want, leave it to me.” He was close enough for you to feel his breath on your neck, and holy shit were you okay with that?

“Okay, my god kid just read the directions!” Clint interrupted.

You laughed when you were embarrassed apparently, you didn’t know that until now.

Things were actually coming along. It was almost 5:00 and you guys were on your last batch of cookies. The caterer was supposed to be there at 6:00 for the party which began at 7:00. 

“I think we’re going to pull this off.” Clint sounded very surprised. Way too surprised for someone who agreed to this in the first place.

“And Y/n. You two still have enough time to get ready for tonight.”

You looked at Clint for a moment and then up at Pietro, hoping he understood what Clint meant.

“You know, for tonight, the thing we’ve been cooking for all day.”

“Hmm, yeah no. You didn’t say anything about me going so you know I’m not..going.”

Now both Pietro and Clint looked at you like you were crazy. 

“Y/n. Please.” When he said your name your eyes found his. “Don’t make me spend my evening with a ton of pretentious assholes. I mean, if you don’t go I will most definitely be the only.. interesting person there.”

By this point Clint had trained himself to automatically roll his eyes anytime Pietro talked.

You on the other hand, couldn’t help but notice the stall before Pietro said ‘interesting.’” 

You were really doing this. Knowingly walking into a room filled with people who would run if they knew even half of the things you had done.

Luckily Natasha gave you access to ‘anything in her wardrobe that you wanted.’

You chose a strapless black midi dress with floral print on the corset. 

You couldn’t even remember the last time you wore heels, and as soon as you put them on your feet began to hate you. Only a few hours of polite smiling while you pretended to know or care about what anyone was saying. Not too bad. You could do that. 

 A floor below you, you could hear the chatter of arriving guests. You didn’t want to do this, not even in the least bit. A quiet knock at the door startled you out of your trance. You opened it a crack to reveal two green eyes leading up at you. It was Wanda. 

A disarming smile graced her lips as she placed a tentative hand to your door, encouraging you to open it. 

 “Are you ready yet Y/n? I don’t want to walk down alone.” Her voice was sweet, very motherly. 

As you pushed open the door you saw the deep red of her long ball gown. Her hair was pulled up tight into a bun and that same smile was still on her face.

 Without a second thought, she weaved her arm through your own and guided you towards the stairs. “You look absolutely gorgeous Y/n.” 

 If you were honest, you really felt it too. Looking down at Wanda on your arm, you felt safe. Which is something you hadn’t felt in a long time.

 As the two of you got closer to the stairs, the noise grew louder. Between the music, and the crowd of people you now saw, the first thing on your list was a drink. Apparently Wanda had felt the same way because without a word she led the two of you to the bar. 

 As you all but glided across the room, eyes fell upon you. You could feel them staring. And the twinge you started to feel in the pit of your stomach was not a good one. Beside you, Wanda squeezed your arm a little, pulling your attention to her. 

 “I know what you are thinking. A life on the run will do this to a person. But I guarantee you, the stares are not ones of malice.” 

 As the two of you arrived at the bar, Wanda ordered for the both of you. When your drinks arrived, her choice surprised you. 

 “Whiskey neat has always been a favorite of mine.” She swirled the amber liquid in her glass and took a sip. 

 Not wanting to be fully aware at this party for much longer, you did the same; savoring the feel of the alcohol warming your insides. 

 From across the buzzing room, Clint caught your eye and smiled big. He made his way over to the two of you with a glass of champagne in his hand, his cheeks beet red. “Ladies, great to see you this evening. And may I say Wanda, you look amazing.. and Y/n.” He turned to you with what seemed a confused look. “I don’t know if I should be a ‘proud older brother’ or a ‘protective father figure’ right now but either way you look beautiful.” 

 “Holy shit,” You laughed, “that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” He stayed by the two of you and talked your ears off about the multiple high class attendees that made it to the party. In all honesty you could care less, but he seemed excited and you were proud of him.

You felt a presence at your side and turned to see Pietro. He’d kept it simple, just dark blue suit and white shirt, but god did it catch your eye.

As he stood beside you he shamelessly looked you up and down. 

“Măiculiță Y/n.”

This caught Wanda’s attention and she whipped her head towards him. “Watch your mouth brother!” She hissed.

Pietro only caught your eye.

“Not too bad huh.” You said, giving him a half a twirl.

“Breathtaking.” Was all he said, eyes wide. But the way he said it; the honesty in his voice, the captivation in his eyes.

A grin began to pull at his lips. “I didn’t know you had been so worried about trying to impress me Y/n, but rest assured, you have.”

Aaand he’s back.

The rest of the night was increasingly better after Pietro had found you. He made you laugh like you hadn’t in a long time. His personality changed a bit after he’d had a few drinks. But it was a good change. Like he was beginning to let his guard down.

“Don’ worry. I’m not embarrassed to say. My first time was…less than satisfactory.”

You almost spit out your drink as Pietro continued. Was he really about to go there?

“…there was chocolate everywhere by now. She was saying something about not liking the feeling of it. I was confused as to what went wrong, until the next morning..when I saw that the chocolate I bought was the kind that doesn’t uh..tu stii, stay soft?”

It took you a moment to understand what he meant. 

“You mean the chocolate that hardens–”

“Yes! Thats it!” He laughed and took another sip of his drink. The joy in his eyes shone bright as he watched you.

“So what about you? What was your–”

“Absolutely not.” You said with a smile. “You aren’t as bad as I thought you were..but still no.”

He parted his mouth a little and tried to look offended. “Well thanks for that. I’m glad I’m not as horrible a person as you thought I was.”

That made you laugh and feel a bit guilty at the same time. “Oh, no! That’s not what I meant. I–” The smile that had been stuck on his face faltered as a woman approached the two of you.

He glanced over first, pulling your attention from conversation.

The girl you’d seen in the training room approached Pietro with a grin on her lips and a twinkle in her eye. She’d gotten much more confident and much more familiar very fast. She draped her arm around his shoulder and stared at you head-on. Obviously secure enough with Pietro to do so without even acknowledging him.

“Y/n. It was such a pleasure to learn from you today. The way you and Pietro went at each other today–” Pietro tensed up just like he had the other day, but Jordan wasn’t giving in so easily this time. “To be honest, it made me a little jealous. After last night though,” She said, leaning close to his ear.

Before she could continue doing, whatever the fuck she thought she was doing, you stood and grabbed your drink. “I didn’t think recruits were allowed on this floor.” You glanced down at her, and for the first time all night you were grateful to the heels.

She stuttered moment before responding. “They are if someone invites them.” She glanced over at Pietro as she spoke, but he was now on the offensive and physically removing her arm from around his shoulder. 

From what you could gather, he was explaining to her that he’d told her that her presence wasn’t a good idea. But you didn’t hear much more as you walked away.

Your body went cold as you left. Behind you Pietro ached as he watched you, but you weren’t going to do anything about that.

Whatever it was he did with her last night was banging at the door to your mind but you were doing everything in your power to keep it out. 

As you made your way to the stairs you passed Natasha who you hadn’t even seen all night. 

She beamed up at you as she saw you and you felt guilty passing her after she’d lended you her own clothes. 

“Y/n, you look amazing! I’m so happy you made it.” Her eyes were glazed, a big smile on her face.

“Of course I made it. I had to show off this beautiful dress you lent me.”

Her mouth fell open as if she’d just realized that was hers. 

“O’my god! You have to keep that. Please, I won’t take it back. It was made for you.”

Drunk Natasha was apparently extremely nice, but you glanced behind you and saw Pietro surveying the room, most likely looking for you, so you said your goodbyes and made your way towards the elevator instead. The only place you wanted to be right now was not here.

You made it onto the elevator before Pietro saw you, but not before Clint had followed you on.

“Quiet the party if I do say so myself. I spent half the night watching the dessert table and surprisingly, a lot of people went for the brownies I made. I mean, that is–”

Your silence caught his attention and he looked over at you. The quietness of the elevator as it carried the two of you downstairs was deafening.

Clint was the only person who ever saw you cry, he was there for you at your weakest point, but it had been so long since you needed him like this. You hated that you did.

Without another word, Clint followed you out of the tower and just stayed beside you as you walked. He knew you were headed in the direction of the apartment, but he knew if he wanted to get anything out of you he would have to wait for you to talk.

And you didn’t until the both of you were inside the loft. 

“Should I pour us a drink?” Clint asked as you walked up stairs.

“Better bring the whole bottle.”

He waited for you downstairs as you changed into something more comfortable. As you walked down you noticed him swirling his drink, waiting for you to join him.

As you did you took a big gulp of the bourbon he’d picked. You could feel his eyes on you. You had to give him something.

“I have these, nightmares now.” You started. “Almost every night now. I’m hurt, bleeding out. And I’m trying to get out of this building. I don’t know where I am, it’s always so dark.”

“I push myself to the end of the hallway, and every night it’s the same. Someone is standing there, blocking the door.”

“Someone, or…”

You glanced up at him, but the moment you caught his eye you looked back down.

“It’s Mark.”

He started to become uneasy now.

“Y/n you know what this could mean. All of that sounds painfully familiar and it seems like you are purposefully ignoring it.”

You hated how right he was. 

“Tell me this then. All those years ago, when we met. I found you close to death.  And that son of a bitch was nowhere to be found.” 

“Oh, fuck Clint.” You yelled, standing from the table and walking away.

“Honestly, have you never thought that maybe the faceless person who shot you in the dream was you remembering that it was–”

“Clint, please just stop.” You warned.

You ran your hands through your hair, tears covered your cheeks.

“Y/n. I know it’s hard to think about someone you love, betraying you. But maybe you didn’t know him as well as you thought. I know I didn’t know him but you have to consider that he may have been the one who–”

“Mark couldn’t of shot me because I killed him okay!” Your chest rose and fell sporadically. Clint was rendered speechless as he watched you.

“When you found me we’d been on a mission. I–I told him we shouldn’t of gone in alone. He told me to trust him and I did and it got us both caught…They tortured us both. Mark had information they wanted. Things he hadn’t even told me. There was nowhere else for us to go.”

Clint stood and slowly walked over to you. You were shaking as you spoke.

“He knew I wouldn’t get out with him. I could see it in his eyes. He’d given up. We both had but he-h wouldn’t let me…after forcing him to watch as they tortured me, they shot me and pushed me over into a corner. The minute they left the room I forced myself up and I picked up a gun…The last time I looked in his eyes was the day I, killed him. I..I killed him. I left him there–”

Clint held you close to his chest as you sobbed. He held your weight for you. You could barely breath through tears, much less move.

You repeated those three words to yourself. The reality of Mark sinking in.

“Y/n. You didn’t kill him. Do you hear me? You did not kill him.”

He placed his hand on the back of your head and wished he could take your pain away. 

“You saved him in the only way you could Y/n.” 

Clint lifted you up and sat with you on the couch. He stayed with you all night.

The next morning Pietro woke up with a dull thud in his head. After you’d left the party he pulled Jordan aside and told her whatever it was they had going on was over. It was a lot of yelling. All of which he knew he deserved.

He didn’t know how he was going to fix things with you but he knew that when he looked at you, when he heard you laugh, it was the first time in a long time he’d felt like that. And he was willing to do whatever it took to get that back. In whatever form it took.

He saw you leave last night with Clint, so he remembered to order a black coffee along with a Vanilla Chai for you. He left the drinks outside your door, knocked and then left.

Baby steps.

You were due back at the tower for a training lesson you’d promised Natasha and Wanda you’d be there for. No one knew anything about this, and you would rather go than be asked later why you didn’t. 

“Y/n, they would understand if you didn’t show. It’s not a big deal.”

The last time you saw this side of Clint was 7 years ago. So protective, you appreciated it, but after all that time you’d learned that this life didn’t leave you much time to feel sorry for yourself.

Clint was in step right behind you as you went to leave the loft. As you opened the door, you all but stepped on top of the cups outside your door.

“–what the fuck.” You took a giant step over top of them to miss them. 

“Did you order coffee’s or something?” You asked him. He looked just as confused as you were. 

“The bad planning and consistency of ignoring my actual coffee order and getting me a black coffee says Pietro all over it. He do something to piss you off?”

“Do you even have to ask.” 

It was a cold morning, so the two of you opted for a taxi to the tower instead of walking.

The streets were eerily quiet. As you pulled open the front door, the unmistakable smell of blood over took your senses. 

A few feet from you you saw Frank slouched down on the ground, holding his hand to his shoulder that was gushing blood. 

“Frank!” You yelled, beginning to rush to him, but before you could even make a move, a forearm grabbed you around the neck and yanked you hard in the other direction. 

They put a gun to your head as Clint ran in after you. His eyes fell on you before they found Frank. 

“Help him.” You were able to mutter. The arm grasped down around your neck harder with every move you made.

“Just, let her go.” He said, hands warily extended towards the gunman. 

“I did that once. I won’t do it again.”

That voice made your blood run ice cold. 

Behind Clint, you heard the elevator ding as it arrived on the ground floor. Someone must have heard the gunshot.

Pietro and Steve rushed out of the elevator but came to an abrupt stop when they saw the gun to your head.

He leaned in close to your ear, sending a shiver up your spine. Tears streamed down your cheeks. “Last time I saw you, I was dead.” In front of you on the wall, you focused on the reflection of yourself in the picture. “But don’t worry too much about that Y/n. Cause like always, you were right.” Next to your face, you unmistakably saw the face of the man you’d let go of all those years ago. 

“Mark..” Was the last word you could get out before a blunt thud hit the back of your head and your world went dark.

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[jakehawkfield]

So my wife is totally convinced we have a “gnome infestation”, whatever that means. She swears she can hear the little dudes giggling at night and standing ominously in the garden in the morning. I thought it was funny at first that she’s being so paranoid about this, cause the likelihood of gnomes causing issues in some random picket fence suburban home is like, really low, i feel like. Maybe if we lived in some gothic mansion I’d expect supernatural activity, but this place was built in the 60’s. Anyway, so my wife starts getting really upset about these “gnomes”. Every time she loses her keys, or i bump into something and she didnt see it, or even when the house settles she swears its the gnomes. And i admit, some weird stuff has been going on. It’s just us, no kids, but sometimes things just seem to disappear and neither of us remember putting it anywhere. Like a whole bag of parsnips. I’m not even sure what parsnips are, so it wasn’t me, and my wife swears on her life she didnt touch them. Things started appearing, too, eventually. One time i came home from work and there were three cloves of garlic very neatly lined up in front of the door. Maybe it was some neighborhood kids, but i dunno. No pranks came or anything. It was all really harmless at first, like I’d wake up and theres just a bunch of grapes hidden in my shoes. It started to go south, though, when one night i wake up to my wife coughing really hard, she’s sitting up in bed and i sit up too and rub her back while she coughs. And then when she’s finally done and turns to me, her mouth is just full of dirt, and there’s dirt on her hands and lap where she was coughing. “The gnomes filled my mouth with dirt,” she said. She was really upset so i didnt fight her about the gnome thing. Another time, i went to sit down for dinner and I’m so glad i looked because on the seat of the chair was two kitchen knives, blade side up, propped up like that with a paperweight from my desk and an ice cream scoop. It was obviously done by a person intending to harm me, so that’s probably when i got worried. We called the police after that one, but they couldnt do anything. There were no signs of break ins or stalkers. They just told us to be careful. So we did, and we just kind of tolerated waking up some days to every surface of the house coated in peanut butter and olive oil and stuff. It got really annoying, though, so eventually i called an exorcist, at my wifes request. I mean, i wanted this to stop too, but i wasnt sure what some phony psychic or whatever could do. Anyway, when we wake up on the day the exorcist was scheduled to come, our house was a mess. A bunch of stuff was knocked over, wallpaper was shredded from the ground to about two feet up, and weirdest of all, there were miniature pieces of clothing and tools all around. I stepped on at least three tiny ladles, and there were little red fabric cones around, and what looked like a shirt the size of a napkin, and tiny wooden clogs that would be about the right fit for an american girl doll, probably. Lots of other stuff too. We decided not to clean it up so that the exorcist could see what he was gonna be dealing with, and also my wife was really paranoid that the gnomes would get revenge if we threw out their stuff. The exorcist shows up a little while later, and when he sees the mess that the house is in, he just lets out a low whistle. This guy has got priest robes, rosary beads, and a bible tucked under one arm, like he’s gonna give a sermon and then banish a demon in the same hour. So my wife kind of takes the lead here, since shes so invested in the gnome theory, and she tells the guy all about it. “We’ve got a gnome infestation. Theyve been doing all this stuff. Its the only explanation,” she says, and i love her but at that moment she just sounds so childish and silly that I’m embarassed to be there. “Its not gnomes,” i say, and its the first thing ive said in a while. “Gnomes are a garden decoration. They don’t trash people’s homes, they just stand there. If any supernatural thing is doing this, its probably a goblin or a demon or something. Gnomes though? Ridiculous.” And my wife seems a little embarrassed now, because what i said was true. But the exorcist just shakes his head, looking skeptical. “I wouldn’t be so convinced of that,” he says. “You want my diagnosis?” My wife looks at him like he’s the second coming of christ or something and nods vigorously. The exorcist takes a look around at all the mysterious, tiny clothes on the floor. “Gnome shoes? Gnome shirt? Gnome problem.”