#i didnt bruise myself this week though

[alienated-idiot]

My fear of needles has apparently gotten bad enough that I experience a vasovagal syncope response when giving myself my injections. Learned the hard way last night after almost passing out.

[orcelito]

oh for another stupid thing i did recently. ALSO on friday. well i was getting ready to prep the tiramisu cream. and i was Also getting ready to cut up the big parmesan wheel. so i grabbed the parmesan wheel with my left arm (it's a Real armful) and i needed the mascarpone cheese tub. and my dumb ass was just like "Hm i need this in my arm. YEET" except. at myself?

i threw the mascarpone cheese tub at my ribs. accidentally. but it fuckin HIT & i cant see a visible bruise but it definitely felt like i bruised my ribs. hurts when i touch the area. i felt very not smart after this.

[hswriting]

Hard to Love - Part 2

[Image Alt ID: a three picture collage with a black background. The first picture is of someone wearing a chain bracelet grabbing the wrist of someone who is wearing a thumb ring. The second picture is of a neck wearing a necklace that had a moon and a gemstone on it. The neck is bruised. The final picture is of Harry Styles putting his hand over his mouth. He is wearing rings of three of his fingers. He is also wearing a black shirt. End Alt ID]

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Masterlist Series Part 1 Part 3

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2.2k words

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Harry wants to talk to April about what he saw, but April is hesitant given their past. Harry can’t let it go so easy.

CW: mentions of abuse, alcohol, suicidal ideation.

It’s been a week since my double shift with Harry, and he has not said a word to me that wasn’t work related. We have worked a few shifts together, but he never said anything that wasn’t necessary. It’s so odd for him not to make fun of me, but it’s kind of nice. I’m sure it won’t last very long though. He will talk to me soon enough.

I pull up to the restaurant and put my car in park. I take a deep breath to prepare myself for the day. I walk in the restaurant doors and see Harry is already here, which is odd because I’m always here first. He gives me a look. I can’t really describe it except for curious. I don’t know what his deal is today and I don’t have the energy to deal with it. I walk up to the station and grab an apron. I get ready. Straws. Pens. Notepad. Check. Check. Check.

“Can we talk?” Harry said quietly. I turn and look at him.

“What do you want? Been a while since you’ve made fun of me. After what you saw I’m sure you have jokes piled up for me.”

“I don’t actually. Don’t be a dick. I’m serious.” He says, his face almost scary with how stone cold it looks.

“What do you want to talk about then?” I ask him.

“Your arms.” He says just a bit too loudly. I shush him.

“Not so loud, asshole.” I say, pulling at my sleeves, feeling the comfort of knowing they are down.

“I’m sorry. I wanted to ask you what happened.”

“Nothing you need to worry about. You just worry about you.”

“Why are you being like that?”

“Being like what Harry? You don’t get to be a dick to me every single day, and then ask me such personal questions.”

“Yeah, but when you look like that, I almost have to. Do you hurt yourself? Did you get into an accident? That’s a lot of bruises for one tiny person.”

“Why do you care? You hate me, and I hate you. That’s how it’s always been. I’m not entertaining this conversation. Go find something to do before we get in trouble.”

“No. I won’t. They look awful. You should see a doctor.”

“Mind your own business, Harry. I mean it.” I say. I start to walk away when Harry grabs my wrist to get my attention again. I immediately turn around. Fear floods my body. My wrist aches.

“April I-“ he begins to say, but stops. It’s dawns on him that he is hurting me and he immediately lets go. “I’m sorry I didnt mean to hurt your-“

“Don’t you ever fucking touch me again.” I say, so serious that he looks a little scared. “I mean it. Don’t ever fucking touch me. Ever.” I run to the bathroom and close myself into a stall. I run through everything in my mind that could calm me down. I hate Harry. He needs to stay away from me. He has no right to ask me about them, and then grab me. He’s so stupid. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.

I love coming to work because I can get away from being at home. I don’t have to worry about being grabbed. I don’t have to worry about being hurt. I’m safe at my job. Today Harry changed that. He made me feel scared. He made me uncomfortable. It makes me hate him more. He took away my one place that I could go.

I realize that I started to cry as I sat in the bathroom stall. My fists squeezed shut. My body tensed up. I work through the motions. I slowly loosen my muscles to a more comfortable state. I open my hands and see little crescents From my fingernails. I open my eyes and wipe my tears with my sleeves. I open the stall and look at myself in the mirror.

You can tell I have been crying, but there’s nothing I can do to get rid of the puffy red eyes. I have to go out like this.

I walk out of the bathroom stall and back to the station. Harry stands there and is sanitizing menus and drying them. He doesn’t look up at me. He goes back into the silence, giving me the cold shoulder.

The shift passes by so fast, but that only leads to a long day ahead of me. I know Robbie is going to be home.

We do our normal mid shift cleaning routine. I clean the bathroom. Harry takes care of rolling silverware and getting dinner menus ready. When we walk out Harry says goodbye to the staff who just came in. He begins talking as we walk to our cars in the employee parking spots.

“Listen April, I’m really sorry I put my hands on you. I didn’t realize I was hurting you, and it dawned on me as to why you have marks there-“

“Harry-“

“No, let me talk. If someone is abusing you April you don’t have to go home. I can help you.”

“Help me? I don’t know how many times I have to remind you, you HATE me Harry. Before you saw them, you made fun of me so bad. You made the only safe place I had miserable, and today you took it away from me completely. I don’t have anyone else to lean on. I only have myself.”

“I know what I said was awful. I had no idea April. Now I do. Let me help you. It’s not right you have to live like that.”

“What can you do that I haven’t tried? I can’t run away. He has my location on my phone. I tried ditching that too Harry and he has a tracker in my car that I can’t find. I try to bank money Harry and he finds it. Spends it on more alcohol, then beats me more for trying to leave him. What do you want me to do? I can’t just leave. If I am not home by a certain time I’m going to get my ass handed to me. I have to go.” I tell him, trying my best not to raise my voice so others can hear.

“April you can’t go home. They have places for women like you. Or god forbid, you could stay with me. You can’t go back to that!”

“I don’t have a choice! You have no idea what my life is like Harry. You caught me off guard the other day. You don’t care about me. You just feel guilty because you made fun of me for being abused. I want to leave. Your offer sounds so tempting, but I can’t.” I tell him. I climb into my car and start it. I respect him for his offer, but I hate him because I can’t take it. I hate him that i have to go home. That’s not his fault. It’s mine.

I pull into the driveway. I quickly gather my things and head inside. I sit my stuff down and get into regular day clothes.

“Took you an extra 5 minutes to get home compared to your normal drive time. What happened?” Robbie asks.

“Got held over at work. My manager was there today and we had a short team meeting.” I lie. My manager was there, but there was no meeting.

“Okay.” He says flatly. “Start dinner. I’m starving.”

“Okay.” I say, not putting up a fight. This is my safest way to live. Robbie follows me into the kitchen. He grabs a beer and goes back to the living room. I start making a meatloaf for us to eat. I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. I don’t check it. I know if he walks in and sees me texting whoever it is, he will get mad at me for not promptly making him something to eat.

The meatloaf is in the oven when he comes back out for another drink. Another beer. He gives me a look and walks back out.

I make mashed potatoes as I wait for the meatloaf.

After what feels like forever, I take the meatloaf out and make Robbie a plate. I take it into him and then I make my own. When I sit on the couch beside him, he takes his first bite. He finishes his mashed potatoes and think to myself thank god. I hope the rest of the night goes this well.

He begins to bite into the meatloaf.

“The bottom of this is burnt.” He says with irritation and anger in his voice.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-“

“Don’t you fucking work in a restaurant? Shouldn’t you know how not to burn food?” He asks me? Raising his voice.

“Robbie I don’t make food at the restaurant. I just wait tables.” I tell him in defense, hoping me not being a cook will get me some slack.

“Quit with your attitude. That’s all I get from you anymore. No more ‘thank you Robbie for what you do for us. You provide for us. You work so hard Robbie.’ It’s always attitude and talking back and I’m fucking sick of it.” He says, slamming his plate down on the coffee table.

“Robbie I’m sorry. I can make you something else.”

“What, so you can burn it too?” He says, standing up.

“No Robbie, please.” I beg him. He grabs my shoulders and makes me get off of the couch and stand. Tears roll from my eyes.

“You hate me that much you can’t even put care into the food you make me?”

“Robbie please. You don’t have to do this.” I try to reason with him. “I know I messed up I’m sorry.”

“How else are you going to learn to treat me with respect unless I show you how. You’re like an insolent child. Have to beat your ass for you to learn anything.” I beg him not to do what he is about to do. He doesn’t even hear me.

He slaps me across the face, red marks and burning sensations left behind on my face as I fall to the floor. He picks me back up and grabs my neck. He slams me against the wall and I struggle to breathe. I claw at his hands. I kick his shins but he doesn’t move. I try scratching at his face but nothing makes him let go. It feels like a lifetime before air is able to fill my lungs. It burns like hell and I cough a lot after his hand leaves my throat, but there’s nothing sweeter than the air that I am breathing now.

I try to run towards the front door as he is searching for his next weapon but he runs to me and grabs a handful of my hair. I scream, but it’s useless. He takes me over to the couch. He sits down and slams my body onto his legs.

“You want to behave like an irresponsible child and back talk me, I’m going to beat you like a child.” He says. He yanks my pants down. He takes his belt that he grabbed earlier and takes it across my bottom as hard as he can. I scream again. Another whip. And again. The next one is across my back. Another on my feet. Then more across my bottom. Everything stings and burns so bad. My throat is raw from shouting.

When he feels like I’ve had enough, he lets go of my hair. He pushes me to the floor. He walks back into the bedroom and slams the door. I lay on the carpet and cry. I’m so sore I can’t move. My whole body aches and burns. My neck and throat are just as bad. I do my best to adjust my clothes so my pants are back where they belong.

I need out. I need to leave. But I can’t. I want to call the police, but he will hear me. He would kill me before they ever got here. I have no one I can call. I can’t go anywhere. I am stuck here.

When the burning dies down some, I crawl to get on the couch. I lay on my side, avoiding the raw and welted areas. I remember my phone. I pull it out of my pocket and open the screen. I look at my notification bar.

New text message. Open to read.

I open the messaging app and see Harry’s name pop up under unread messages.

Harry: I just wanted to check in from earlier. My offer still stands, whenever you’re ready.

I want to believe Harry. I want to believe that he is genuinely being nice to me, and trying to help. I want to take his offer. He could come and get me. He could call the cops, but if Robbie would ever find him, he would be dead too. I can’t do that to him. To anyone.

Me: I’m fine Harry.

Harry: is there anything I can do?

Me: for your safety and for mine, just let it go.

Harry: okay. I’m sorry. Try to have a good night.

I don’t respond. There is no having a good night. There’s not a good anything anymore. Everything sucks. There’s no getting out of this life. I just want it to end. I want this pain to end. That’s the only way.

I end up falling asleep on the couch after many hours of staring at the clock on the wall. Listening to it tick as time passes.

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Masterlist Series Part 1 Part 3

[blood-teeth]

TMITAWH is 2 years old????!!!!

i cant believe i missed it that sounds so ridiculous to me! in my defense, i was driving for two weeks straight

i don't have anything planned for celebration; i'm so sorry! but i do have some updates!

for those that missed it, tmitawh is now a novel and will no longer be told in an interactive fiction format. this has upset a lot of people. i've lost a lot of followers over this announcement. and i can understand this to some extent, but largely i have to continue to be unapologetic about my choices.

this story is one that has, in every meaning of the phrase, saved my life. writing in this little world has gotten me through some of the darkest times and carried me through to the next day. at some point, IF stopped being a media that was capable of telling the story i wanted to tell.

i'm disheartened by a lot of the anons i've received. some are hateful and unkind. others are upset that they no longer will have the opportunity to pursue Cain or Ezio, and a few mention that they're not interested in reading a lesbian story and will not be reading the book if it ever makes it to publication. i've disregarded the first, but the second cuts the deepest i think.

i have never, ever been shy on this app that i'm a lesbian. i feel as though i've talked endlessly about it. being a lesbian is a huge facet of my identity and being told that, in so many words, a story written for myself, with other queer people in mind, is not for them seems like such a stupid thing to say. like, i didnt write it for you. i wrote it for me. i wrote it for the lesbians who love so violently that they have to hide it away under their clothes, in between their teeth. i wrote it for the lesbians who have been told their love is disgusting, or wrong, or sexy and for a male's pleasure only. i wrote it for the lesbians who are told their love is okay as long as they never show it- as long as they only hold hands at most but never kiss in public. i wrote it for the lesbian who sits in pews and breathes over their hands and wonders if God loves them still.

i'm not sorry to not have written a story catered for you when the whole world is for you. leave me out of your self-absorbed, hateful little orbit.

please know, this blog does not tolerate hatred, bigotry, or harassment in any shape or form. and if you're going to fuck around with me, you sure as hell are going to find out with me.

on a more positive note!

i want to thank you all who have been overwhelmingly positive and supportive of my endeavors!! it means the absolute world to me!! i sometimes hold myself at night and think of all the kind words y'all have sent over these past two years and just sob. never in my life before this could i have imagined sharing my work with people who give a shit and care. it warms me in ways i cannot begin to describe. i love you and i hope you are well as always. my inbox/dms are open ANYTIME if you just want to chat, catch up, rant to me, or tell me about your pet. actually, please tell me about your pet.

Some quick publishing updates:

I'm 20k words out of 90k into draft 2. and i think this is going to be the last draft before i query (?????) i'm really very happy with the muscles and bones of the manuscript. now it's just some meticulous line editing i have to work through.

after this, i'm off to the query trenches. (im scared) if anybody has gone through this process before and has any tips, i'd love to hear them!

here's a little excerpt:

"She grabs hard enough to make sure of her presence, not enough to bruise. Some sick part of the Traveler’s brain says, Yes. Please. More. Press deeper. Press harder. Bruise me. Hurt me. She delights in the heat that blossoms from where the Reverie digs her fingers into skin. Eyes earnest, stubborn disposition to her jaw as the thick muscle there flickers in an implication of anger. “I will find you,” she’s shaping her tongue into a dagger at the Traveler’s throat. “I will find you again, and that is a promise.” The Traveler gasps, tilting her head higher. She blinks and— The Reverie’s mouth is on hers, hot and aching, and the Traveler blinks— Want flavors the Traveler’s tongue, the Reverie’s hands pressed tightly against her collarbone, teeth at her jaw. She blinks and— Is this Before or After?"

i also, stupidly, have officially started a twitter that i want to start working with. i know twitter is dead, but it remains to be very useful for publishing. if you'd like to follow me, im there on @ morganhollow25. i dont know how to use it. im scared to use it. but if you have a twitter maybe follow me there too! i absolutely plan to be on tumblr primarily. i love it here and have grown a tiny home in these webs.

i'll have more updates coming soon regarding FTMTB and other works. thank you all again <3

[pbandjesse]

I felt so bad today I had to stay home. My voice was totally gone. I couldn't even laugh!! Nothing would come out! Terrible. Uncomfortable. I was not having a very good day.

I didn't sleep great. I actually fell asleep sleeping on my back which I literally never do. I just couldn't get comfortable breathing on my side.

When I woke up I was coughing so hard. We think I have bronchitis. James told me I shouldn't go to work. And they were correct. I was worried about moving the car to the correct side of the street. And they said that if that was what was worrying me then they would go do that.

I would wash my face and did my lotions to try to feel better. But I still needed to stay home and stay in bed.

I don't remember James leaving. Which made James very worried when I told them that later. But I just somehow missed that conversation. Like I remember them coming in to check on me. And asking if they should bring anything home for me. But I missed them saying goodbye. So I was slightly distressed. But I would be alright.

My voice was very hoarse. I decided I should just try my best to not talk. Rest my voice and my body.

I would have my little sandwich James had made for me. Today was not exciting. I had my sandwich and enjoyed looking out the window. I watched a lot of videos. I texted with Jess. I texted with Celia. We came up with a silly plan about voting for best bird of the session next summer. I was not feeling great but I was trying to be positive.

I would gaslight myself into thinking I was fine when I didnt cough for a few minutes and then I would cough so hard I thought I was dying. My chest and throat feel bruised. It was pretty rough.

I thought about sleeping. But while my body was exhausted from coughing, my brain was totally awake. So I just spent a lot of time playing on my phone. Writing emails. Watching videos. Jess told me to be nice to myself and I was trying!

I just wanted to be fixed. I accidently kicked Sweetp and couldn't even apologize. It was tough.

I got an email from a fieldtrip next week and there was a mistake on our end with our calendar. Which then lead to a bunch of phone tag with Alexi and Elizabeth. I didn't realize Elizabeth was still on jury duty. And she didn't know I was home and it was just a lot of back and forth trying to figure out how to fix this. And it'll be fine but it is a little annoying we got all flip flopped.

James would come home soon enough. And we had discussed how I wanted taco bell. So they would take me there. Which honestly helped me feel a lot better. After they cooled off and I got shoes on, they had a quick call with Dante. I tried to say hi but it was just a squeak. And then we were off.

We drove out to Brooklyn park. And got to watch the pretty sunset over the water. Speaking of water there is going to be an event soon to jump in the harbor because it's safe to swim now. Mostly. I want to jump in the harbor?! James does too.

We got taco bell. It was great. I ate it on the drive back and it was exactly what I wanted.

When we got back here James took all our Halloween decorations down. Hung up the blanket I got them as a wall tapestry. Love it. We will wait to put our Christmas decor up until Thanksgiving. Though we need to get our Christmas egg down. We are trying to start a tradition. The ceremonial opening of the egg. Which is a little Christmas scene inside. Love the egg. We opened it last year after Thanksgiving dinner. That's the tradition. We're going to make it a whole thing.

We have been hanging out since then. James made themselves pizza dough. I laid in bed. Eventually I went and took a bath and it helped my chest congestion a little. But I'm still suffering.

I am going to try to sleep soon. I want to go to work tomorrow. So I really hope I feel a little better then I do right now. When I just started coughing so hard I started crying. Sucks. I do not like this.

I love you all though. And I hope we all feel better

[artsychaosbean]

I watched a video and it infuriates me

My issue with the video is this is a mom vs a professional nutritionist. This is another case of a mother who stubbornly thinks she cant possibly be wrong.

I was forced to eat peas and beans, I have autism. I can't handle the texture of peas or beans. I was forced to eat garlic with a garlic allergy.

I was forced to overeat

Many parents not all but MANY parents take a "I know your body best" stance and IGNORE the words of their child. Forcing a kid to eat is just as bad as depriving them of food. and it does cause EDs I went through 2 different eating disorders and my relationship with vegetables and meat has been soured my whole life since I was a child. I have to force myself to eat vegetables and it has to be cooked in specific ways. I don't WANT to be this way and didnt make myself this way. Same with meat, unless its fish I struggle to eat meat even though I love the taste of chicken I was forced to eat so much meat even when full it makes me want to puke.

I developed stomach problems aswell so I cant eat as much anymore and my digestion is messed up. I cant digest beef, pork, brussel sprouts, peppers or beans at all anymore.

So this "Tough love" Mom just comes off ignorant. Shes stuck in that same toxic mind set and keeps talking over the nutritionist who seems like a very polite person. when I was forced to eat food I got an ED that made me have an aversion to food, eating caused me panic attacks. When I was fat shamed despite not eating much bc I did have weight problems even though I ate little, ate healthy and was active, but the result was I started skipping meals and sneakily putting meals back and throwing up. I was starving myself.

Then later on in life I got the opposite end of that eating disorder over being fat shamed and I'd starve myself still at meal times but then guilt binge a bunch of junk food and hide the wrappers and packaging in the garbage, and then guilt starve myself again for eating. it was a vicious cycle.

Some parents do NOT understand that kids aren't just manipulative whiny attention seeking little devils. Which is how they treat their children. STOP EXPECTING THE WORST IN YOUR CHILDREN. COMPROMISE, TALK TO THEM AND TREAT THEM LIKE HUMAN BEINGS.

When you expect the worst in your child and treat them off of that, you cause resentment. When you don't listen to your child even if they never have lied to or manipulated you in their life, you teach them that no one will ever believe them and that affects their self image. When you don't listen to your child on their health, they won't listen to their own body and start ignoring the signs of health complications. That could KILL your child if the psychological damage goes too far. I was ignored on numerous occasions and got injuries from it or ended up almost in the hospital. My mother then turned around and made it all about herself being a victim "IF YOU JUST LISTENED TO ME ABOUT THIS UNRELATED THING A WEEK AGO THIS WOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED" as I sit there with my thighs entirely bruised unable to walk bc I had an injury that got irritated bc she forced me out when I told her I couldn't and warned her my injury would get worse. But bc shes the mother she "Knew best" and didn't take responsibility when I got hurt worse bc she ignored me.

Yknow what that taught me? That I can't TRUST my MOTHER to take care of my physical needs. That I have to take full care of myself. This means as a teen I wouldn't tell her if I was in pain, even when it got to the point where I SHOULD have been hospitalized. Because I no longer TRUSTED her to tell her. bc of HER actions and HER words. TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN. LISTEN TO THEM. DONT TAKE THEIR CONCERNS LIGHTLY. and if your child is being "Picky" consult professionals if no way you cook something works. Because if they complain about texture it very well could be adhd or autism. And if its not, and if they dislike that item regardless of how you cook it. Let it go, find other foods they might like in the same food group. Dont like cauliflower? Try broccoli. Again try it in different recipes dont keep trying the same thing over and over expecting them to just "get used to it" bc maybe its the way you cook it. I hate tomatos cooked for example bc of the heat and texture but I love them raw in a salad. It doesn't mean I dont eat tomatos, it just means I don't like them cooked and thats not that hard to do. And NEVER hide the food from your child. If you do that will also create a negative relationship with food and a distrust in you as a parent which will make them LESS likely to willingly try new things which can impact their relationship with other foods. If they don't like hot dogs, try "pigs in a blanket" But dont HIDE that its hotdogs in it, let them know. Make an agreement with your child to try everything ONCE and to try every new recipe ONCE. but don't pressure them or scream at them even if its frustrating. Yelling at your child just makes it harder on them especially if its autism. As a child who was forced into EVERYTHING and never had a choice. I have now grown into an adult with a lot of self image issues, a bad relationship with two essential food groups, and more triggers for my PTSD and Anxiety. It impacted my mental health and self worth. Im not the only one, I have a group of 12 friends on discord who all went through similar things with the same / similar consequences in their life from the issue. We all have a fear of foods now and we all had eating disorders as children and teens bc of our parents.

[bishiglomper]

New problem today. All last night I was nauseous and my guts were cramping.. Really sharp ones. Like the ones where I have to hold my breath and not move one iota or i was gonna die. The menstrual crap already made me sore but this timed it by 10. I thought my guts were gonna fall out. If I didnt have such adverse reactions to morphine I'd have taken myself to the ER.

Also i think I was in so much pain and sufferring that i stopped bleeding for a while. Which was weird because it was so heavy and then suddenly nothing. Until all this agony passed. 👀 it started up again.

You have no.idea how sore i am. I feel like someone took my insides and just beat them to a pulp and and stuck them back in. Even breathing too hard makes me feel bruised.

I'm so beat up i dont even wanna eat. I sipped on some chocolate milk. These people had lasagna and peanut butter cream pie and I'm just sitting there like. ..Weh. D:

Not even cereal feels safe.. Did think about plain cooked noodles though... But pasta is bad for me 😓

I am so tired of this week. What did i do to deserve all this shit? 🙃

I have another appointment in des Moines tomorrow i hope I can fuckin move

Right now it looks like I'm walking on glass or something. I am feeling so tender. 😓

[wolfisland]

i went from having like 8 irl friends to exactly 2 over the span of a year and a half and thats kind of fucking insane to me and its like okay am i the problem? legitimately am i the problem? and everyone else who knows the details (because i will hang myself out to dry so fast. id rather know if i fucked up than have a bunch of yes men telling me i can do no wrong) has said i was in the right but i still dont get it

like i have an itemized list of WHY i stopped being friends with these people or why i didnt make an effort to make amends when they felt slighted, but i do just kind of sit there and wonder how it all got this bad? like you have to understand i was a much, much, MUCH nicer person at the start of last year. i was a people pleaser. i let so much shit slide even though it hurt, inconvenienced, or disrespected me

i feel justified in my reasons for leaving those friendships. i dont hide my side of the conversation if it happens via text. i keep my fiance updated on as many things as possible so that i have some kind of record of what i say or whats been said to me during conflicts. i dont think i made the wrong decision walking away from those people

but i still just dont really get it. to clarify my reasons for leaving were like, telling a dude not to use an n word substitute which he flipped out over, finding out another friend was (in my opinion) grooming someone and theyd waited til i was drunk to spring it on me, one friend TRAPPED ME IN THE BATHROOM WITH HIM AND FORCED ME TO LOOK AT HIS ECCHI COLLECTION OF HIGH SCHOOLERS. HES IN HIS 20s, one friend had been fucking belittling and mistreating me for the better part of a decade and i snapped when he defended his mother triggering my eating disorder, one friend expected me to choose between their bruised ego and my job because they didnt get hired there and guilt tripped me for not like. cutting ties with a support system thatd literally done NOTHING to them, and one friend went completely fucking weird and distant on me and started talking behind my back literally one fucking week after id confided in her that i thought i had npd.

like. i think i had EXTREMELY good reasons to not fucking stay in those friendships. i despise all of those people now. i do not even slightly miss them. but i guess i do miss the freedom to go places with a group of friends. its extremely isolating.

dgmw ive TRIED to connect with other people. ive made like casual friends with people and been invited places and hung out with them but i always find out some dirty little secret or red flag that i cant ignore, like one of them ending up being a fucking domestic abuser, or someone trying to manipulate me into agreeing with them by very very VERY obviously obscuring their side of a conversation to make the other party (who imo was justifiably uncomfortable with her behaviour) look like the bad guy

like my issue isnt that people seem to dislike me irl. its that they like this shallow idea of me and the surface level masking and then get fucking weird when i maintain my boundaries even with them. people act like just because i care about them that they get a free pass to just do whatever and thats not how it fucking works. if i tell you how and why you're guilt tripping me and why its inappropriate and overstepping, your fucking place isnt to go "youre manipulative for saying im manipulative" and try and act like im a cruel heartless cunt for being uncomfortable with your behaviour!

so much of this shit couldve been solved by actual direct communication and in some cases A SIMPLE APOLOGY AND CHANGED BEHAVIOUR but when i communicate openly and directly suddenly im the bad guy. like im sorry you got used to me being a pushover but thats done now. im not doing that shit anymore.

like i went to the ends of the earth for some of these fucking people. some of them id known for years. some i literally LIVED WITH. shared beds and rooms with. and suddenly all in the space of a year and half after i decide to start telling people when what they do hurts me or is inappropriate or rude everyone like freaks the fuck out. unsurprisingly all of these people were white btw

im gonna get a little emotionally vulnerable on main and i need you all to be cool okay like be chill. dont make a big deal out of it

[cowboisadness]

Found You {Arthur Morgan x F!reader}

Summery: She was there for Arthur through everything, being more than good friends but less than partners. They support eachother through the good and bad times, it’s not love tho, no, it’s not love at all.

Rating: M. Basically porn with plot. More plot than i planned i really got carried away with this. SMUT IS HERE! 18+ ONLY!!

—–

Chapter 4 - Together

The next few days were nothing short of torture. Arthur never spoke another word to me, huffing whenever I would say something to him or just walking away from me completely. Everyone else in camp soon noticed something serious had happened between us. Their comforting words and questions on what happened went unanswered and dismissed. I hoped time would help, that I would get a chance to explain myself and apologise for my foolishness and downright stupidity. But as the days passed, the frayed ends of the rope had no chance of being reconnected, no matter how hard I tried and how hard I cried. So I flung myself into as many jobs as I could get. As a distraction.

Robbing homesteads. Stagecoaches that turned into shootouts more often than not. Gambling with fellers that were too drunk to notice me stealing their wears from right under their noses and gone before they realised anything was amiss. Fighting in hidden alleyways with meagre men that thought they could take on a woman with nothing to lose. Just to feel something, another kind of pain that would lessen with time.

It wasn’t until I was sat at the edge of the camp, cleaning my revolver while looking out over the overlook, stars raining bright above. Bottle of whiskey by my side that Hosea came over and sat beside me. Silent at first. Taking in the view.

“You going to explain whats going on?”

“Nothings going on, Hosea.” I shrugged, running the oiled cloth over the same spot mindlessly. “Arthur won’t tell me. I though out of the two of you, you would.” he kept his eyes ahead, not bothering to look at me. I sighed, my shoulders dropping in defeat. I might as well tell him, not like he would be able to change my mind.

“I’m an idiot. I spoke to Mary. Told her to leave Arthur alone and to stop contacting him.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know anymore...Seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“You love him.” I could see his grin out of the corner of my eye, albeit a sad on.

“Not you too, Hosea.”

“You two were very close. Closer than you think I realise. I’m not a dumb old man you know”

I didnt reply to that. No point to, my mind was made up now. Instead, I holstered my gun and stood, picking up the bottle as I did. Turning to Hosea to finally look at him.

“I’m leaving, Hosea. Only for a few weeks or a few months. I don’t know.”

“You really think leaving will help?” “Maybe. It might help him if I’m not here. I’ll send money and write to you and Dutch. I’ve already packed.” After a few more words and questions on my plans when I’m out there on my own, we hugged and I said my goodbyes to him, Dutch and a few others. Promising the girls I will see them again, even though I was doubtful. I willed no tears to spill when I gathered my things, leaving my tent bare and hollow. Mounting my horse I left camp without looking back, letting the wind guide me in whatever direction it wanted me to go.

---

Roughly 4 months had passed since leaving. Currently holed up in a now-abandoned cabin in the depths of Grizzlies East by O’Creagh’s run, hiding from the law after robbing the fence in Van Horne. Id wrote letters and sent money to nearby stations as promised. Keeping updated with the gangs coming and goings. The last time I heard from those who would write back, mainly Hosea and Mary-Beth, was when they were held up in a place called Shady Belle. I haven’t heard anything from them since. That was a month ago. I had thought of going there, finding them. But I couldn’t bare having to leave again after realising they had been getting on fine and had left me to my own devices. Coming to the conclusion that I was not returning and that I had abandoned them all. Which was far from the truth. I still cared, which I’m sure was evident from whatever leftover money I had been sending to them. Only, it wasn’t getting picked up from the stations anymore, along with my many letters. I was travelling back to the cabin after an evening hunting for supper and hopeful breakfast. The blanket of trees now behind me, opening up the wondrous starry night, pulling my jacket closed as the cold breeze this time of year began to sting any uncovered skin. I looked around before dismounting, taking my kill of two rabbits stowed on the side of my ever faithful horse and made my way inside. Looking around once more to make sure I hadn’t been followed. Just to be safe. As I began to skin and gut the meat, the warm glow from the lantern lighting my every movement in the otherwise dark cabin, I heard motion outside. Bears and wolves were not uncommon around these parts. I had to shoot my way out of a wolf pack not a week ago, coming away with nothing but a bruise on my hip from being bucked off the horse in her desperate attempt to flee. Nevertheless, I placed down the knife and picked up my rifle propped up against the door. Looking out the window to the right of the door. Seeing nothing and hearing nothing else. I went to the door, preparing my rifle then placing my ear to the door. It was silence for a few moments, then movement again, making its way up the steps. It didn’t sound like an animal. With a hand on the handle and rifle ready to be used, I swung the door open. The rifle now aimed at the unwelcomed guest.

It took a moment for my eyes to adjust in the darkness, but it didnt take long to recognise who it was.

“Arthur?” It was barely a whisper. A question of disbelief. I blinked a few times, surely my eyes were playing tricks on me.

After a few breaths, he finally spoke “I’ve found you.” We just stood there, I released a breath I didnt even know I was holding. How did he find me? Why would he? Months of keeping myself away from people the best I could and staying hidden for long periods of time I was beginning to feel content with being a lone wolf. Not thinking that lone wolves are weakened beings after too long. Often driven out when deemed useless or a weakness to the pack, or leaving to find their own family. Not alone forever, wolves would struggle and go insane.

But he, of all people, found me. The only question now is why. And that was the only thing I could say as I lowered the gun.

“Why?”

He told me everything that happened. The downfall, the betrayal, the heartbreak. Those that we lost. Everyone gone in one way or another. Sean, Kieran, Lenny, Hosea, Molly, Miss Grimshaw. Dead. Saint Denis bank, Guarma, Micah working with the Pinkertons. In the end, Micah had turned Dutch against almost everyone, whispering little worms into his ear until they grew and grew to leave no room for anything else.

Dutch turning his back on Him and John. Leaving John to bleed out and leaving Arthur on that mountain. Where he thought would be his final resting place. But once the sun was up, high in the sky, he found the energy to live. To heal. To find me.

And that’s what he did the last few weeks until he heard whispers of someone fitting my description that caused a bit of hell in Van Horn. He knew he was close.

“But...why did you want to find me?” I asked. Both of us sat around the small table below the window, two empty whiskey glasses before us.

He took in a deep breath, his perfect blue eyes meeting my bloodshot and watery ones. “I wanted to the moment I was told you left,” He leaned over, taking my hands in his.

“I’ve had a lot of time to think these last few months. Especially in the last few weeks. What you did before you left, I understand now why.”

“But I hurt you.” letting a sob escape, my body starting to tremble and I’m sure he could feel it in my hands.

“It did hurt. But losing you hurt even more,” He said, nothing more than a whisper, his eyes never leaving mine and his hold on my hands not faltering as he continued. “I remember what you said to me that night years ago. ‘Bout not knowing how much I mean to you. Well - I - I do. Because I feel the same. Always have. it just took me a while to realise it I guess.”

I couldn’t stop the tears. The damn had busted open. Within seconds he was on me, his arms enveloping me, my hands coming to purchase on his shirt. Neither of us wanted to let go, out of fear the other would disappear into the air like dust in the morning rays. We held each other for what felt like an eternity, my tears slowing and the shaking subsiding. I lifted my head from where it was perched on his chest to look at him, our eyes locked once more. No words were spoken but I could see it in the depths of those pools, the forgiveness and longing. And I was sure my eyes mirrored the same. His hand came up to cradle my face and I instinctively leaned into him, my breathing hitching despite the calmness that washed over me. Then I looked into his eyes again, only to be met with a look I had not seen in many years. I opened my mouth to speak but before I could he surged forward, his lips on mine. It was delicate, more fragile than any other kiss we had shared. It wasn’t long until that fragility turned into desperation, my hands at the nape of his neck, his on my waist. My mind was running a million miles a minute, all thoughts of him and this moment. Feeling like we were young lovers again. His hands roamed my sides as I gripped his hair, keeping each other glued to one another. My body began to burn up, feelings I had repressed for months pushing their way to the surface, refusing to be drowned. We broke apart and he pulled me to stand, his lips now on my neck, trailing wet kisses from below my ear to the hollow of my neck, causing me to moan. He looked at me then, desperation and pleading etched upon his face before I kissed him again. Kissing the scar on his chin that was easily visible within the stubble, his jaw, down to his neck and then his chest. Pushing off his jacket and suspenders with it. My fingers returned to the front of his shirt, undoing the buttons slowly as he pushed me back into the direction of the bed. My legs soon coming into contact with the edge. His hands now making a start on my blouse, pulling it from the confines of my pants and lifting it over my head. My hands roaming his chest and snaking down to his abdomen, stroking the hair there, causing him to tense at my touch. He always was a fine man, built from hard work that I couldn't help but adore. His arms wrapping around to my back to undo the corsets lacing, completely surrounding me and all I could smell was him. Horse, rain, sweat and something that was just so undoubtedly him. Undoing his gun belt was muscle memory, hitting the floor with a thud, my corset following, now both bare from the waist up. We couldn’t wait any longer, our lips on each other once again as we worked on unbuttoning our pants. He leaned me down to lay on the bed, my legs hanging over the sides as he wasted no time to pull off the rest of my clothing. Laying there propped up on my elbows I watched as he raked his eyes over every curve, scar and freckle on my body. Kneeling between my legs he drew kisses from my knee up my thigh, getting oh so close to where I wanted him to be. He looked up at me once more, giving a shuddering breath before his mouth landed between my legs, soft but purposeful strokes easily pulling moans from me. He didn’t let up, devouring me like a man starved as he paid close attention to my little bundle of nerves. My body shaking again but for a whole different reason. It had been too long and I knew I wasn’t going to last if he kept going for a minute longer. My hands fisting the bedsheets I tried to speak but it was useless, squirming from the sensations. Lifting my legs to rest on his shoulders feeling him moan against me, the vibration causing bolts of electricity to fire through my whole body and land at my core. I could feel my orgasm rapidly approaching and my hand flew down to card through his hair, holding him there. My body convulsed as I tipped off the edge, my head rolling back as the blinding pleasure washed over me, moaning his name into the air. Arthur was above kissing me within seconds, tasting myself on his tongue and lips. Catching my breath he pushed me further up the bed until my head hit the plush pillows. Removing his pants and then situating himself between my legs. I could feel him pressed up against my thigh, hot and swollen and begging for attention. And oh how my body craved to give him what he needed. His eyes met mine, hooded and filled with lust. Silently asking for permission. I nodded, placing a kiss on his forehead and placing my hands on his shoulders. Electrifying jolts surged through my core as he strokes himself along my slit tenderly. His skin burning to my touch and looking downright drunk. Completely intoxicated. He sinks into me slowly. My body soon getting accustomed to the memory of him as he bottoms out, his hips meeting my thighs. My breath hitches as he bites back a moan. Both of us taking a moment just to bask in the feeling of one another like this again. It all felt the same but so different. He kissed the scar on my collar bone that he only got to see before when it was fresh. We had been through so much over the years we would need to learn about each other again. But one thing remained the same; my body yeard for him. He pulled out before setting a languid pace, lifting one of my legs to wrap around his waist, allowing him to go deeper, his pace quickening and lifting my hips to meet him, Chasing our pleasure. One hand in my hair, tangled up with my locks as his other hand firmly grasped my hip. The look on his face was evidence that he was holding back, needing to completely lose himself in me. And I felt the same. “Arthur...Please.” I purred, not needing to say anymore. His pace quickened with a grunt, one that was a borderline growl. My moans and the sounds of skin on skin filling the air and our ears as he kept hitting that sweet spot. My nails forming crescents on his shoulders. Pulling him down to crush my lips against his, our teeth clicking and tongues dancing together. Pulling back suddenly with swollen lips as the pressure began to build, my whole body trembling more and more as I got higher and higher. Moaning out his name as his rhythm began to falter. Nuzzling into my neck and mumbling ‘oh, fuck,’ in that gravelly but wanton voice. His hand on my hip made its way between my legs, rubbing in quick circles. I couldn’t hold back. That coil within me growing tighter and tighter before snapping. My back arching as the shockwaves rocked through me. Slowing his pace slightly to ride me through it before picking up his pace again, chasing his pleasure with a few more pumps of his hips and he stilled. His hand like a vice on my thigh as he spent himself inside me with a drawn-out moan. It took us a few moments to get our breath back. Pulling himself from me causing me to whimper from the empty feeling and sensitivity. He moved to lay beside me and pulled me to lay with my head on his shoulder. Neither of us willing to clean ourselves up just yet. My skin now acknowledging the cold air around us. The thin sheen of sweat cooling me. Nothing was said for a while as he held me close until he broke the silence to place a kiss to the top of my head then lifting my chin for my face to meet his. “I love you,” he said. My eyes getting blurry from the confession I never thought I would hear. But looking at him I knew it was true. His eyes shone with adoration. I smiled weakly before kissing him once. Looking back into his eyes and with no hesitation, I said out loud what id only heard myself mutter in my dreams. “I love you too."

[weasleysbride]

Long Locks

Fred Weasley x Fem Reader

Warnings: Some swearing, bit of fluff

Description: You and Fred knew each other for years. Your families were best friends and you took every chance you had to spend time with Fred. He only just found out how gorgeous you were, especially when he see’s the real length of your hair.

* The summer after the Triwizard tournament *

You and Fred hadn’t had hair cuts all year. His entire family had missed the opportunity of getting hair cuts, however, you didn’t really mind. You’re hair, however, was nearly past your butt. Putting it in a ponytail didnt help much either, as it only multiplied the chances of you whacking either yourself or others with it, so you often put it in a bun.

You had already spent a week at the burrow. The entire family had gotten their hair cut, all except for you. You didn’t mind though, the long h/c hair wasn’t annoying you in any way, since you always had it up the same. Only George knew how long your hair really was, as he’s walked in on you brushing out your long hair before. He kept it a secret though. Thankfully.

George and Fred were your favourite Weasley’s. No doubt about it. Only, you saw them as two different types of bestfriends; George was a more sympathetic person, and saw you as his younger sister, and was super protective of you in a brotherly way. Fred, however, was different. You saw him as more than a best friend, but not in the brotherly way. Maybe it was the way he always flirted with you, in a different way to most girls.

You were definetly in love with him.

You were lying in Ginny’s room on your bed. Ginny’s room was your second bedroom, and you loved it. It was 3 in the afternoon and you hadn’t seen anyone all day, since they had gone to visit Bill Weasley. You had a headache from always wearing your hair up, even in bed, so you explained to Molly that you didn’t feel very well, and that you needed rest. She agreed.

So there you were, sitting cross legged on the end of your bed, with your hair falling naturally. There were a few strands on the book that you were reading, but you didn’t care. You were so busy with what you were reading, so engaged in the fantasy, that you didn’t hear the footsteps leading up to the room you were seated in. You heard the door creak open slightly, and you looked up from your page a little startled, only to see Fred looking back at you, shock written all over his face. You then remembered why.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” You said sarcastically as you ran your fingers through your hair, moving it out of your face.

“Haha, very funny love.” Fred said, still looking a bit dumbfounded as he walked over and sat beside you, keeping his eyes locked on you as he did. “ Why have you never worn your hair down before?”

“I don’t know, honestly.” You said, closing your book and looking up at him. His brown eyes were filled with wonder and magic, as you saw his eyes twitch down towards your lips and then up to meet your eyes again.

“You’re absolutely gorgeous with it down, y/n.”

“ Aww, thanks Freddie.” You said, heat rising to your cheeks as you gave him a warm smile. You could hear him take in a sharp breath. You ruffled his short red locks as you stood up, brushing your hair away from your face again.

Before you could reach towards your wrist to grab your hair tie to tie your hair away from your face, Fred grabbed your wrist tightly and sat you back down, this time, on his lap. Your eyes widened, as he didn’t let go of your wrist and laid it on your lap as he interwined his fingers with yours on your other hand. His hands you much bigger, and it made you feel safe. You sat in comfortable silence, your hair in your face a little, but the rest on Fred’s lap under your butt.

“I can’t anymore Y/n.” Fred said, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck. You knew that this would either end good or bad.

“Is everything okay Freddie?” You asked, slightly worried.

“No. Nothing’s alright. I can’t be your best friend anymore. I just can’t. Before you start assuming the worse, I need to admit how bad I’ve wanted you since I met you. You’ve always been so perfect. I can’t go a single day without seeing or hearing from you, and every time I have to restrain myself from coming up and kissing you like it’s my last breath. I need to be more than friends. Y:n. I need you.” He said,confidently squeezing your hand and wrist, while still nuzzled into your neck, his breathing rough and hot.

You were left speechless. You had always loved him, yet you thought he never would. “Now I don’t have to explain what you do to me, considering I do it to you.” You said, removing your wrist from his grip and pulling your hair away from your neck and underneath you, exposing your neck.

His lips curved upwards into a smirk as his breathing became extremely sharp, before moving his hand that was once holding your wrist from your lap to your waist, pulling you closer to him as he pecked your neck.

He lightly licked the spot he has been kissing, before biting down and leaving a large love bite. You let out a small moan, still holding the back of his head with your fingers tangled in his firey hair.

You could feel a small lump forming beneath you, knowing exactly what you’re doing to him.

The silence was defening, but comforting. You let out small moans as Fred moved down your neck and to your shoulder, where he left one last slobbery kiss, sliding the spaghetti strap of your tank top down your shoulder.

Fred squeezed your hand one last time before letting go and grabbing your waist with both hands, his fingers bound to leave small bruises of where he has touched you. He lifted you off his lap and turned you around. You were now straddling him.

He smirked as he eyed your lips before leaning in and giving you a small but passionate kiss. You were surprised at first, but really into it, so your arms made their way through Fred hair while one of his hands left your waist to push your hair back to one side again. You pulled away, needing air.

“Wow.” Fred whispered, looking deeply into his eyes. His lips were swollen slightly from you biting his lip and his hair a bit messy. Your strap was still hanging off your shoulder, Fred couldn’t help but smile at the beautiful sight. Not only were you absolutely gorgeous no matter what, but he got to see you with your lushious h/c hair out of the way for him to please you. He was delighted that he kissed you. His best friend, his love, his everything.

“Be mine.” He said in a small shished whisper, still gripping your waist and your hands still wrapped around his neck tightly.

“Now why would I do that?” You asked, teasingly.

You pecked him on his lips one more time, but he held you there against him. The lump in his pants was much bigger now. He kept the kiss passionate, not letting you go, when you tried to open your mouth for air, he saw it as an opportunity to slip in his tongue, exploring your mouth. You decided to fight back, only his won dominance.

You both needed air, so you pulled away, both your lips bright red and swollen. You both gasped and gave a small smirk at each other. It was a dream come true.

“WE’RE HOME DEARIES!” You nearly fell off of Fred’s lap at the sound of Molly Weasley announcing their presence. You were busted.

“Let’s continue this later, but I think you should first cover those marks.” Fred said as he lifted you off of his and down next to him, nodding towards the side of your neck that he had kissed. Shit.

“Thanks, love.” You replied, giving him a wink as you hot up and headed your way to your trunk. Little did you know that Fred was blushing head to toe, as he had never had a girl he loved so much call him that with such confidence. But he knew just how to get you back.

Later on at dinner after you had tidied yourself up ( covered everything on your neck and tied up your hair as well as changing into a loose jumper and jeans ), you made yourself downstairs to see everyone gathered at the dinner table, talking while dishing up their dinner.

You sat down next to Fred, and you gladly made your way next to him. Fred then randomly asked for attention as he stood up, looking very proud. Everyone turned their attention to him, as they placed their cutlery down since they had finished.

“I would just like to announce that Y/n and I are now dating, and I couldn’t be happier. She is an amazing young women, and is absolutely gorgeous, especially with her hair down.” And with that, Fred reached for your hair and took out your hair tie, your hair instantly falling down over your shoulders, a strand landing in front of your face. You blushed head to toe a bright red as everyone stared at you with shock in their eyes.

“ FINALLY!” George and Ginny said together clapping.

Molly was ridiculously excited. She quickly got up and walked over to you, giving you a tight hug while you still sat in your chair, giving Fred a glare as he returned a cheeky grin at you.

“Oh how wonderful! My baby boy has finally grown up! Oh and he is right hun, you are absolutely gorgeous with your hair down, you should have it out more often!”

“YOUR DAD OWES ME 10 SICKLES!!!” Arthur exclaimed happily. Everyone gave him a puzzled look, before he began to explain.

“Well, me and y/n’s dad made a bet. I said they would begin dating while you’re at our house, but he said it would happen during the school term.” He said, proudly. Molly shook her head before her and Ginny began doing dishes, and everyone started to leave the table. Before you could get up, Fred’s hand snuck up to your upper thigh, squeezing it lightly. He gave a small grin before you pecked his cheek, leaving him dazzled as you went upstairs to have a shower.

I know I’m absolutely terrible at writing, but I hope you enjoyed it even the slightest bit. I will be writing more often, and don’t be afraid to leave requests!

[peanut-butter-parkerxx]

hickey prank...gone wrong

y/n wanted to prank the avengers for forgetting to hide a hickey she got from a 'mysterious boy' after she finished pranking them and telling them its fake, peter came in and NOT so subtly asked her when he did that since they're secretly dating

pairing: peter x stark!reader

status: secretly dating

y/n's pov

ive been watching a lot of youtube lately, it literally became my best friend, i scrolled through my recommendations and found a 'hickey prank' video, i smiled to myself already knowing im about to do it, and clicked on the video

It was a girl pranking her parents for getting a hickey, i watched the girl make the fake hickey on her neck, and i was considering to ask peter to do one for me that would be more entertaining but that would obviously backfire if i couldnt wipe it out

so i didnt ask him, another thing is that peter and i have been secretly dating for around a month now, my dad, tony stark, strictly told peter that i am off limits but were still dating and its been the best month ever.

anyways, i opened my vanity drawer and got my eye shadow pallet, i decided on a spot to make the 'hickey' and started adding dark colored eye shadow to make it look believable, the end result looked pretty good, and i know that from experience ;)

it ws on the right side of my neck right below my ear, i opened my two braids to cover the 'hickey' took my phone to record this i already know chaotic experience since this is the avengers we're talking about and left my room while i was walking in the hallway i got a text from peter saying:

MY baby 🥰🧸: coming in 15! xx

I squealed from excitment coz its been a week since ive seen him because of his exams and everything but back to the prank

i walked inside our kitchen/living room and the avengers were scattered everywhere since they just finished a mission and now theyre hungry af, perfect

i snuck my phone behind a bowl of fresh fruits and acted normally trying to contain my nervousness and excitement

"hey guys!" i said looking at the kitchen island that filled with delicious hot meals, yumm

"hey sweetie" dad said kissing my cheek, and everybody mumbled a 'hey' since they're too busy stuffing theyre mouths with food

"hows the mission?" i asked curiously, thor, sam and scott completely ignored me trying to stuff everything in, nat and wanda were talking about how stupid one of the men were for flirting with them and comepletely beat the shit out of him for makig inappropriate comment, my girls I thought and steve, dad, bruce, and bucky answered my question

they've always had a soft spot for me and hated whenever i got ignored, i smile at them grateful that they didnt ignore me even though i wouldnt get mad i mean im also starving

i continued on eating arguing with sam on who will get the biggest slice of the chocolate cake wanda made, but then i remembered i came here to do the prank so i decided its time

i looked infront of me checking if my phone is still recording and it was, its been recording for 8 minutes now so i excused myself from the table to go 'get some fruit'

i quickly grabbed an apple and rerecorded the video, "so what do you guys wanna do? peters coming in a few" i said taking my hair and secured it behind my ear, its been exposed its been exposed omg omg omg i tried to calm down a bit coz in any second someone could spot my 'hickey'

"oh, we could have a movie night, you know, coz peter finished school so we should celebrate" my dad said looking at me then looking back at his food but looked at me again eyes widened, he spotted it ABORT MISSION OMG OMG

I looked down at my food trying not to run from the glare hes giving me

"y/n?" my dad asked, his tone has never been this serious before, oh shit

"y-yes" i squeecked god pull it together y/n, its not real

"what is that on your neck" he pointed out, which grabbed everyones attention, great, all eyes were on me, steve, bucky and bruce widened their eyes shocked, wanda and nat were smirking, sam, scott, and clint were laughing their asses off while thor looked as clueless as a baby

i was sitting at the center of the table and i just wanted to sink in and get absorbed my the marble walls

"w-what do you mean?" i asked 'confused' i grabbed nats phone that was between us, opened the camera and gasped trying to act surprised and scared "I-I uhhh" I let go of my hair so it can cover it again "I-I burned my self while curling my hair" I nervously blurted out, wow I'm a great actress

"that does not look like a burn young lady what is that?" Steve buts in, anger literally fuming from his ears and eyes Bucky glaring at me trying to think of every boy I've ever interacted with

"I curled my hair uncle Steve!" I replied rolling my eyes

"THAT IS NOT A BURN HUN THATS A HICKEY" my dad got out of his chair clearly getting angrier by the second

"ITS NOT DAD, YOU THINK I COULD HOOK UP WITH BOYS WHEN IM BEING WATCHED 24/7?" I shot back standing as well, everybody gasped

"what is a hickey if I may interrupt"

"SHUT UP" the rest of the team said clearly enjoying this

"I wanna know who's D y/n got" Sam said laughing

"was he at least good?" Nad asked smirking

"please tell me you used protection" Wanda asked concerned

"WHO IS IT" all three of them said

"NO ONE!" I shouted

"why is he that important that you have to be so secretive of him?" Bucky suddenly blurts out tightening his fists so hard his knuckles could pop out

"maybe he's special" nat smirked

"y/n" my dad said in a warningly tone "if you don't tell us who this idiot is I swear I'm gonna let Bruce turn into the hulk and smash every boys house that you've ever interacted with" I felt like that was enough, and obviously got everyone's attention, I tried to contain my laughter coz they're faced are just hilarious waiting for me to tell them who it is

"it's....it's...a-a..A PRANK!" I laughed, everybody looked at me speechless clearly not buying it

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS A PRANK THERE'S STILL A HICKEY ON YOUR NECK" my dad shouted

"yeah a FAKE one" I took the wipe from my back pocket, wiping my 'hickey' and gestured to the smudged make up "SEE??" I laughed

Steve, Bucky, Bruce and my dad looked relieved, nat, Scott, Wanda, Clint, and Sam looked...disappointed?? And Thor was still clueless as ever, I walked to the counter to stop recording

"YOU WERE RECORDING?" Wanda scoffed

"do not do that to us a again young lady I was gonna get a heart attack" Steve warned leaving the table

"doll" Bucky said and I looked at him "if I ever see a boy with you this close" he gestured between him and I "I will squish their face and pull his brains out with my bare hand" he warned

and for a second I thought of Peter, I swear he's gonna get killed if they know what 'helping him study' and 'looking after me' means I just rolled my eyes at their stupid behavior

"so y/n didn't get any D yesterday? Poor thing" Sam laughs

"SAM I SWEAR YOUR NEXT ON THE LIST" dad said walking out of the kitchen

"for the first time in forever IM glad this was a prank coz the poor boy would've been dead just by the glares he'll get" I laughed shaking my head after the hilarious prank we cleaned up the kitchen island

"ok guys I'm gonna go to my room to clean this...mess" I gestured to my neck full of smudged make up

"hey guys, what did I miss?" Peter walked in the living room a few minutes after i left

"oh just y/n being y/n, she'll tell you what happened" Scott laughed which confused Peter but he ignored it m opened the fridge to get a snack and go to your room,

like I said it's been a week since he's seen you so he was very excited to kiss you hug you and just shower you with affection...in secret obviously

he knocked on my door doing our secret pattern and barged into my room

"HEY PETER" I almost shouted jumping onto him crossing my legs on his torso and snuggling my headphones to his neck

"hey baaaby" he whispered kissing my temple

"ITS BEEN AGES" I whisper shouted

"that it has" he whispered back finally connecting his lips with mine, And slowly walked to the bed, he sat down which resulted in me straddling his lap

"I missed you" I mumbled hovering his lips a bit

"I missed his more" his voice was lower than usual which made my hormones go haywire, he started pampering me with kisses

"I *kiss* miss *kiss* you *kiss* so *kiss* fucking *kiss* much" he said

"oh since when does innocent Peter Parker swear" i teased looking at his eyes

"since I've dated you" he shot back "when I started dating you, you made me feel and become like a normal horny teenage boy" he kissed me again

"well, im glad you feel...normal" I laughed, he started kissing my neck again and unfortunately my dad was walking past my bedroom at the time

"is this a bruise or just a very messy hickey I gave you, coz if it is I better fix it" he smirked already knowing it's not his but just finding an excuse to do one on me

"oh it's just a prank I did to the team which thankfully I recorded so you can see it"

"how bout I make it a real one?" He smirked

"Yes plea-"

"WHAT?" my dad barged in PERFECT TIMING DAD

"PETER BENJAMIN FUCKING PARKER YOU HAVE 3 SECONDS TO LEAVE THIS COMPOUND BEFORE I FRENCH FRY THAT WHAT I THOUGHT WAS INNOCENT BRAIN OF YOURS"

"RUN PETE RUNNN"

🏃‍♂️ 💨

Have a wonderful morning/afternoon/evening/night!

-quacksonlover

[thechangeling]

Say my name or I won't survive

This is an extension of my headcannon for non binary Kit. He uses he/they pronouns. Kit comes out to Jessa as nonbinary.

Tw: mentions of transphobia/enbyphobia

A lot had happened since that conversation with Magnus. Kit usually didn't like to make a habit out of breaking down in people's arms. But it had become clear in that moment that they needed to talk to someone. That they needed to face the things they had been pushing down, trying to avoid.

Kit was currently standing in front of the mirror in his bedroom. Magnus had let them take some clothes that had been magically altered to fit Kit. Just so he could experiment with wearing them.

So far he hadn't made it out of his room wearing a dress or a skirt, but Kit was trying to take baby steps. Well mostly they were just scared. Scared of what Jem and Tessa would say.

Scared of what everyone would say. Like what if he was just making everything up? Or maybe he was just confused? Shadowhunters were big on tradition. Asking people to use different pronouns for Kit and stop using his full name might be a challenge for some people.

Like Jace, their brain supplied.

Kit stared at their reflection on the mirror. Magnus had started teaching them how to apply makeup and experiment with it. Kit confessed that when they were younger they used to steal eyeliner and lipstick from drug stores and put it on when Johnny was otherwise occupied. Kit was still no where near Magnus's level of talent but they were pretty good.

Kit had done simple makeup today, not looking for anything too crazy, just a little mascara to make his eyes pop and concealer to cover his light bruising from training. He hadn't wanted to look too girly during this conversation, he figured it was better to ease Tessa and Jem into this whole thing.

Also Kit didn't always feel like looking too girly, even though as Magnus constantly reminded them, clothes and makeup didnt have a gender. They liked playing around with different concepts, different styles. The societal ideas of femininity and masculinity were just that, ideas. There were no real rules, not when Kit stopped playing the game.

They stared at themself in the vanity mirror, trying to think of exactly what Kit was going to say to Jem and Tessa. Just saying the words, "I'm nonbinary" didn't seem good enough. They felt like they needed to give a proper explanation of their feelings and experiences or else they would be accused of faking it.

The urge to prove ones validly, the need to make sure people knew he was real and he wasnt crazy, it was more importent then anything. It was infuriating. Knowing that his experiences could be so easily dismissed as delusional feelings.

Not trans enough. Not cis enough. Not gay enough. Not straight enough. Kit's mere existence was a controversy on it's own. It was exhausting enough to make Kit want to abandon the whole idea of coming out again all together. Maybe it was easier just to smile and nod everytime someone misgendered them. Ignore the clenching of their stomach and the punch to the chest that came with it.

Smile and nod and be the man he was meant to be. But he had been doing that for 18 years and he couldn't survive it much longer. Kit needed to come out. People needed to acknowledge his reality and use the proper pronouns for him.

Or else Kit was going to wither away, shrivel up into something unrecognizable. A shell of their former self. They were going to die if they had to hear "Christopher" one more time.

The only time it was tolerable was when Ty said it. Kit could almost pretend that he could be the person Ty thought he was, if it would make Ty happy. He used to think that he could let himself wither away and die as long as Ty was ok. As long as Ty was safe and happy.

But that wasnt ok. That wasnt fair. Kit deserved to be safe and happy as well. One of the things they had learned with Jem and Tessa was that Kit deserved to put themself first sometimes. Kit deserved good things despite what Johnny Rook had made them believe. Kit wanted Ty to be ok. They wanted Ty in general.

But Kit needed this.

He took a deep breath and exited his room, heading downstairs to the kitchen where Jem was cooking breakfast and Tessa was trying to get Mina to settle down. Everyone looked up as soon as Kit entered the room.

"Kitty!!!" Mina screamed excitedly, waving her arms around. Tessa shushed her fondly, scolding her for yelling.

"Good morning Christopher," Jem said with kind a smile. "How did you sleep?"

Kit tried to ignore the way their stomach clenched at the sound of their birth name. Dead name, their brain supplied. They needed to tell Tessa and Jem. Kit slid into a nearby chair with a heavy sigh.

"I need to talk to you guys about something," he muttered, trying not to sound too nervous or dejected. Tessa and Jem shared a worried glance.

"Is everything alright Kit?" Tessa asked sparing Mina a glance, probably wondering if she should be removing her from this conversation. Kit shut his eyes briefly and took a breath.

"Yeah I hope so. I just need to tell you something," Kit ran their fingers through their curls. Jem and Tessa watched them, waiting patiently. Kit tried to ignore the shakiness of their breath and the way their palms.

"Here's the thing," Kit began. "You might not get it but I need to ask you to respect it ok?

He didn't wait for their responses. "I'm nonbinary. Which basically means that I'm neither male nor female. I'm something else, something seperate. I don't know I guess I just think of myself as a person who doesn't really have much of a gender," he was staring at the tabletop refusing to make eye contact. "It's just sort of like, if you think of the colour spectrum as gender, I would be a blurry watercolour. A mixture if all kinds of different things and sometimes some colours are more vibrant then others. And then sometimes it's just gray."

Kit wasnt sure if any of this was really making any sense but they knew they had to try. Jem and Tessa were both still silent. Mina was happily chomping down on her breakfast and ignoring all of them. Kit took this as a sign to continue.

"I don't exactly know why I'm like this or how I know. But maybe there are some things that you just can't explain. You just know. Like I know that the sun will set and then rise again tommorow and I know that I love you guys," Kit voice faltered at the last part. He looked up at Tessa and Jem, panicked over seeing their reactions.

But they were both just staring at Kit with huge, loving smiles on their faces. Kit's breathing slowly began to return to normal but their hands were still shaking. Tessa csne towards them slowly, grasping Kit's hand in hers.

"Baby it's ok," she cooed. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. It's just like we told you when you first came out as bisexual, we will always love you no matter what." Jem nodded.

"I have admit this whole thing is rather fascinating," Jem chimed in with a smile. "I've never heard the term before." Kit fought the urge to remind him that two weeks ago he had never heard of playstation, but decided against it.

Mina was paying attention to them now and she was smiling at Kit. "No bany!" She cried excitedly. Kit couldn't help it, he through his head back and laughed. Mina scowled at him slightly. "Not quite Min-Min," Kit told her playfully.

"Do you have different pronouns that you would like us to use?" Tessa asked. Kit's heart fluttered at the question. They didn't actually think either Tessa or Jem would think to ask.

Kit cleared their throat. "Yeah do you think you guys could use alternating he/they pronouns for me? Like use he in one sentence and then use they?" Kit instantly felt kind of guilty for complicating things further. "I'm sorry I know that's kind of confusing."

Jem shook his head, "no it's fine! We just want you to feel comfortable." Tessa nodded in agreement. "Is there anything else?" Kit pulled Mina's hands off of their shirt. She had begun to tug and pull out of boredom.

Kit nodded. "Yeah do you think you could stop calling me Christopher please?" He hoped he didn't sound to harsh. There was something so guilt inducing about having to ask for these things. It felt like Kit was making unneccessary demands. But he wasn't. He had every right to.

Jem instantly looked sheepish. "I'm so sorry Kit," he said softly. Tessa looked guilty too. Kit shook their head.

"Its ok. You didn't know. Just don't do it anymore ok?" Kit felt significantly lighter, like a giant weight had been lifted off of their shoulders. They slid out of their stool to walk around to the other side of the kitchen island and hug both Jem and Tessa.

Kit knew it wouldn't always be this easy. He knew that this life would be complicated and difficult, but it would also be full of exploration and freedom.

Kit would always have a place he belonged.

"I am also a we."

- Sense 8

Tag list you know the drill, let me know if you want on or off: @scrat-is-god @playwithravenclaw @lavender-scented-rat @knifescythe @ti-bae-rius @dianasarrow @doitforthecarstairs @jazzkaurtheglorious @waterlillies @zfoxdraws @julieandthefandoms @older-brother-kit @ilikebooks8 @nott-the-best @stxr-thxif @magnus-the-fabulous-entp-bane @autumnangel20 @hufflepuffyskam

[lovetenya]

𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬: 𝐲𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰

pairing: tenya iida x gn! reader

warnings: angst. anxiety. paranoia. self doubt. unkind words. non-explicit mentions of physical pain & scarring. implied death, but i don’t elaborate. lying. worrying.

word count: about 1.8k

author’s note: nobody writes any iida angst, (barely anyone writes for him at all) and as a vehement lover of angst, i thought i’d fill that gap. i love tenya, i really do, but i love to think about him in this way just as much as i love to believe he’d be the perfect other half. nobody is perfect, not even ingenium.

loving tenya iida is yellow.

it’s the color of the petals on the soft yellow daisy bouquet that he surprised you with on the night of your first anniversary. although it wasn’t a last minute purchase (how could he forget the best day of his life?), he still wasn’t exactly sure what to get. 

what kind of object can symbolize a love so encapsulating?, he thought. there is no tangible item that could possibly show how i feel.

he picked up the familiar flowers from a shop on the corner that the two of you had walked past before on a date. it was one of the first ones, and you pressed your face against the glass to get a better look at the delicate flowers inside.

he caught himself in his romantics when he thought that none of them were prettier than you. nothing was or ever would be better than this moment, where you were on your tip toes in an attempt to see more flowers. that day, he insisted on buying you a small bouquet of yellow daisies, and thought it would be sweet to indulge and revisit the memory.

the week before your anniversary, he made you promise not to execute any elaborate celebratory plans.

“honey, you know that I’d rather do nothing with you than anything with anyone else,” he said. and he was serious. he would rather sit together on the couch half-listening to a documentary (because you can’t keep your eyes off each other) than go out to dinner, where he couldn’t let down his guard. 

although he liked to think that his work made the world a safer place, he couldn’t help but feel paranoid whenever you were out in public. how could he be sure that someone in the restaurant didn’t want him dead? how could he be sure that they wouldn’t kidnap and kill you just to make him suffer? if he couldn’t be sure, was it worth the risk?

he’s an iida, after all. with their striking looks and long hero legacy, it’s not exactly easy to blend in in a world whose wellbeing depends on your greatness and ability. there’s a great sense of pride in coming from a long lines of heroes, and his parents were much less than thrilled to receive the phone call that tenya was in the hospital following the incident that rendered his arm “useless”. they weren’t happy to see that he chose to leave his arm that way as a reminder of his dedication. 

when they figured he was out of earshot, they asked questions.

did the doctors check for any mental ailments?

will he ever be able to use his arm again?

why didn’t they amputate? 

what kind of hero accepts a physical wound and doesn’t try to heal?

what kind of hero goes after a villain on their own?

are you sure he’s cut out to be a hero? 

tenya isn’t proud of the publicity his family got following the incident including a certain self-proclaimed hero killer. he isn’t proud of the wary stares he gets from his classmates. he isn’t proud of the violence he’s been forced to commit. he isn’t proud of any of it, really, but he doesn’t regret his actions; not for a second, not even when he’s painstakingly rubbing scar balm into his shoulder, hoping that at least the scars would fade.

the pain, which seeped deep into his muscles and pricked at his bones, was more than just a cosmetic concern. he couldn’t care less about a scar, but with his limited movement capabilities, he knew he’d never be able to teach his sons to throw. the doctors didn’t have to tell him that. but, of course, they did. he knew what it all meant. he saw through their sugarcoating and attempts at softening the blow. they should’ve known better.

although he’s now your tenya, he was a hero first. 

before there was you, there was responsibility. before there was love and devotion, there were hero duties and combat instincts. they’re ingrained into his mind, refusing to be ignored. even when things seem fine, he can’t help but make sure. he couldn’t live with himself if his laziness were to cause someone else’s pain. that isn’t what heroes do. when you’re in public, he’s constantly scanning the room and won’t sit with his back to a door or window, because he needs to be able to see who’s coming and going. he has to make sure that everything is fine. he has to make sure everyone is safe, and everything is put-together. 

he has to be strong, because there are thousands of people counting on him. he has to be strong, because evil doesn’t rest. he has to be strong, because... if not him, then who?

--

the day of your anniversary, you texted tenya while he was at work.

you: i hope you have a great day, my love! i can’t wait until you get home so we can celebrate! <3!!

tenya: I can’t wait either! I love you very much, sweetheart. See you later.

--

he came home with his arms full of the bouquet of flowers, and almost teared up at the sight of the dinner you had set up for the two of you. you always considered every worry, every caution, every gut feeling of his, and he appreciated that more than he’d ever be able to express. no words did it justice. 

you’re more than his other half, you’re his everything. you’re everything he needs, everything he can’t be, and more.

you surprised him with an at-home dinner date, where it was perfectly safe and calm, and there were no people hiding in the shadows. music softly played in the background, and the daisies looked perfect on the table.

it’s okay, tenya, you reminded him. you’re home now. 

--

yellow is tenya’s birthday present, or the envelope holding it at least. 

there are only so many thoughtful gifts you can give before the inspiration simply runs out, and you have to go bigger. you have to look forward, and think of what will really leave a mark on someone’s life. you only have so many chances to get it right. 

one year, for his birthday, you got him the deed to a recently-discovered star and named it after him. a star for your star. your guide in the dark. your light in unimaginable darkness. your ever-present warmth.

--

many years later, when tenya is long gone, his star sparkles a little brighter.

through the telescope, he seems to be waving hello.

--

golden yellow is the promise ring that you have no idea how tenya afforded.

you insist he take it back and that neither of you are ready for the commitment, but he refuses, of course.he’s never been more ready for something in his life. he tells you,

“i got it for you because you’re worth it.

every day with you is worth it.

i never want to spent another day of my life without promising to love you every second of every day.

every time you wear this ring, you’ll be reminded of how much i love you.

i saved for months, anticipating this very moment when i’d get to promise myself to you forever. 

i promise, you deserve it.

you deserve everything, and i can’t wait to give it to you.” 

and you did deserve it. and you deserve him, in all of his glory. forever.

--

the harsh bruises littering his chiseled body are yellow at first. they turn purple, eventually, before they fade away completely. their sting, however, is more than just the pain of broken blood vessels. they’re a concrete reminder that tenya isn’t untouchable. he isn’t invincible. he’s human, and he bleeds red.

the bruises come when his instincts send him in the wrong direction, when he dodged too late, or when he couldn’t seem to land a kick. he tells you that they’re from when he “tripped going down the stairs” or when izuku “accidentally punched him too hard during a training session.” (lies.)

yellow is the embarrassment you feel when you confront izuku, pleading with him to be more careful with tenya, and he tells you that he couldn’t have possibly caused those bruises, because hasn’t seen iida outside of class in weeks. nobody has. he’s been training more than usual, and hasn’t been at group dinners.

yellow is the sickness and guilt you feel at the realization, because you recently teased iida for not getting his homework done. he smiled weakly, pretending like it was just a foolish slip-up. it was so unlike him, you couldn’t help but poke a little fun.

“ooooh!!! class representative iida tenya, professional stick in the mud, didnt complete his populations analysis essay on time??? somebody call the news outlets!!! or an ambulance, because i think i might die from shock!!!”

he couldn’t blame you for your ignorance, because he liked that you didn’t know. you didn’t know how tired he was. you didn’t know how hard he was pushing himself. you didn’t know how hard he was working. you didn’t know how close he was to breaking. nobody did, and he liked it that way. nobody wants to see their leader falter, or hesitate, or fail, so he didn’t let them.

while he didn’t like to make you wait, he especially didn’t like to make you worry, and he figured the best way to do that was to keep it all in. he was supposed to be an upstanding hero, worthy of admiration and inspiring greatness in all, but at the end of the day, your opinion of him mattered the most.

in his mind, he was supposed to be your hero. and he tried, with every fiber of his being, to be your everything.

he was supposed to keep you safe, not keep you up at night, wondering if this morning was the last time you’d get to kiss him goodbye. he’s supposed to come home to you, and he promised, even though he couldn’t be sure, that he would. he didn’t want to lie about that.

his lies are yellow. they’re made with hope of protecting you, with keeping you safe from the evil swirling through the world. 

what you don’t know can’t hurt you, right?

...right? 

they’re made with intentions filled with sunshine and his golden gaze when you’re supposed to be studying, but the temptation is too strong. 

his intentions are filled with the colored pencils scattered on the floor of his dorm room from when you sketched each other for the first time. 

they’re filled with honey coated love, first sweet and satisfying, but eventually leaving you with a sore throat. they leave you feeling his love, but also his lies. 

and through it all, you still love him, maybe even to a fault.

even when he’s yellow.

[shhh-no-ones-home]

how to save a life bucky barnes x reader

+++++++++

Good old whump 😌 this is so fucking long (wc: 2113)

also i know some people are weird about dogs so just know reader has a very large typically seen as aggressive kind of dog (but hes not, just a little slobbery and awkward lol)

Song: say something by danny worsnop and matty mullins 

tag list: @cynic-spirit

+++++++++

"I can't take your shit anymore. If you won't do anything about it then I will! I quit!"

I yelled, untying my apron and tossing it at my manager. One of the cooks had been harassing me for the last couple weeks and he refused to say or do anything. But I had reached my breaking point.

"Come on y/n, we need you! You can't leave me short staffed like that."

He whined and I shook my head, making my way to the back door.

"No, fuck you Rodney, you can find someone else to deal with it."

I said annoyed, clocking out, grabbing my stuff and storming out the back. I gave him the finger as the door slammed behind me, sighing angrily at myself for not finding a new job sooner.

"Fuck!"

I yelled, kicking the brick wall before leaning into it, shoving my head in my hands. Then I heard a harsh cough. My attention snapped towards the man limping through the alley way, seemingly clutching at his side.

"Hey, are you okay?"

I asked, reaching into my bag and gripping my pepper spray tightly.

"Sir?"

I asked again, moving closer to him in the darkness. When he looked up at me I realized who it was. I had seen pictures of him before. What was his name? James? Yeah captain Americas bear friend. From the museum.

"Help."

He managed before falling face first into the dirt. I gasped as I watched his body go limp. In that moment I wasn't quite sure what to do. I couldn't call someone cause I didn't know who to call, and God it was gonna take everything in me to get him back to my apartment. But I couldn't just leave him here. Shit. I sighed before kneeling down and rolling him over. His face was bruised and bloodied, the same as the knuckles on his hand. He must have really gotten into it with someone. I bit my lip before sitting him up with a groan.

"Okay james, work with me here."

I sighed out, going around him and picking him up. He made a soft noise and I looked at him, his eyelids bobbing open for a second.

"Two blocks, that's all it is."

I told myself more than anything, slinging his arm over my shoulder and walking with him dragging his feet. The whole walk was labored breathing and groaning. He was heavier than he looked but then again he was pretty much solid muscle. And though he wasn't much help I could tell he was trying. That endurance was paying off a little bit. But as soon as we were to my apartment he was out, practically falling through the door after I opened it. I only just caught him, laying him on the floor gently and dragging him to the couch. As I tried to put him on it I could hear my dog whining and tapping his toes in his crate.

"Give me a minute Wolf."

I said half annoyed as I got James flat on his back. When I was content with him laying there I let my massive akita-rottweiler mix out of his crate. He immediately went to James and started sniffing him excitedly until I snapped my fingers at him.

"Hey, leave the nice man alone. Let's go potty."

I said, him barking and running towards the door. I quickly got his leash on and took him down to the streets of new York. We walked a good block before finally heading back to my apartment. After I took Wolfs leash off he was right back in James' face.

"Hey, what did I say? Go lay down."

I instructed, him making a sad sound before pouting his way to his large bed in front of the window. I sighed, looking over James with my hands on my hips. Then I noticed a darkened spot just under his jacket and immediately began to worry.

"Shit. Is that blood?"

I said, stepping closer. I watched his face as I knelt down, pushing the coffee table further away from the couch.

"James I don't know if you can hear me but I'm gonna undo your jacket."

I said in a clear voice, watching to see if he moved but he didn't, prompting me to go on anyway. When the front of it was undone I gasped. He was indeed bleeding. It took me a minute to get it fully off, his shirt following right after. To my surprise his whole torso was covered in scrapes and bruises, along with what seemed to be a gunshot wound. Luckily it was only a graze. That I could treat.

"What the hell were you doing?"

I asked out loud even though I knew he couldn't hear me. I shook my head before going to get the first aid kit from under my bed, wolf following me around my apartment. I guess lucky for him I went to medical school, I mean I flunked out my last semester, but still. That's only three months I'd have to finish before I'm a licensed nurse. I had this. Right?

"God I hope I don't have to sew this man shut."

°°°°°°°°°

The next few hours I just sat at my breakfast bar staring at him in the living room, sipping coffee and trying not to wake Wolf who was now fast asleep at my feet. I was waiting patiently for him to wake up, to make noise, to move even an inch. but it never happened. He was however still breathing, the portable heart monitor I had attached to his finger beeping softly.

When the sun started peering through my curtains though I figured it was best to check on him again. After all, I would need to change his bandages soon so whatever it was that hit him didn't get infected. Wolf for one was very excited again for me to be working on the stranger, running to him and getting in his face again.

"Wolf!"

I scolded, James jolting upright as I pulled the collar back on his large black neck.

"Sorry."

I said through a nervous laugh. He looked around for a moment before looking down and wincing in pain as he touched his abdomen.

"Go lay down."

I said harshly, wolf not quite budging at first. But going when I nudged him with my knee.

"Um, I hope you don't mind that. I did as best I could but it's been a while. I was gonna come change them."

He stared at me, looking to wolf in his bed when he sighed.

"Thank you."

He said softly and I nodded.

"Do you mind laying back down? It's a little easier."

I said and he did, slowly, watching my every move as I knelt beside him. I dug into my kit to get new dressing, peeling the old off and shaking my head. It was still bleeding but there wasn't much I could do about it.

"Do you remember much about last night James?"

I asked and he shook his head no, the dog tags around his neck shifting. I focused intently on what I was doing, hearing wolf sigh again. I rolled my eyes, sending him a playful look.

"You aren't afraid of dogs are you James?"

I asked and he shook his head again.

"Okay wolf, come here."

He stood quickly, panting as he came over and stood beside me, looking like he had a wide smile on his face as he sat down. James looked up at him and smiled back, bringing his right hand to scratch at wolf's head. It was a good distraction as I fixed his wounds for a second time. As I put the stuff away I was forced to remember he was still shirtless.

"Oh uh, I washed your shirt too, it was pretty soaked through."

He nodded, making a pained face as he moved to sit up, letting me help as he did. Wolf took that as an invitation to get on the couch, his large dog body taking up a good portion of it as he laid across James' lap. I looked to the ceiling as he laughed, petting him some more.

"I'm so sorry. If you want him off all you have to do is tell him to get down."

I said standing up, going to the kitchen to wash my hands.

"I don't mind it, he reminds me of an old friend."

He lamented as I came back, wiping my hands on a towel.

"They must've been one hell of a friend."

He nodded slowly.

"Hey uh, you can call me Bucky. if you want."

I reached for his hand and shook it.

"Y/n."

"Thanks for this y/n."

I nodded, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I'm not gonna lie James, uh Bucky, I was a little shook up last night. I had just quit my job when you came stumbling down the alley I almost wasn't sure what to do with you. And I know as a citizen I probably should have called an ambulance but as an ally..."

I paused. he looked a little more into what i had to say now.

"I've, well, I've been around the block with a string of heroes before and none of them could ever actually get help from paramedics. So I did what I could."

He nodded.

"I really appreciate it y/n, I must've been desperate after all, to go to a complete stranger."

He laughed.

"I'm just glad you found me and not someone else. Or who knows what could have happened."

"those were my thoughts exactly."

there was a long pause, me standing awkwardly and both of us staring at the floor. then Wolf barked, taking both of our attention as i jumped at the sudden sound.

"guess he agrees."

i said and he laughed again.

"ya know i really appreciate this. is there a way i could repay you? some how?"

he asked and i shook my head.

"no, i couldn't let you do that. really."

i said quickly, holding my hand out, watching as he struggled to stand.

"i want to."

he insisted, stumbling forward and i caught him. he panted out a pained noise.

"knowing you're safe is enough. come over here, lets get you something to eat."

i said, walking him slowly to the bar i was just sat at and feeling his back muscles strain against my palm as i held him upright.

"careful, you keep taking care of me i might never leave."

he said through a wince as i placed him in the chair.

"promise?"

i laughed and he sent me a soft look before smiling. i could feel the blush run across my face as i moved to the fridge, making a face like i was an idiot for saying that.

"uh i went to school to be a nurse after taking care of my last boyfriend. he was terminally ill but didnt want to stay at a care facility. i guess ive kind of been missing it since he passed last year."

"im sorry."

he said quietly as i pulled things out of the fridge for breakfast.

"its alright. ive been getting by. plus i have wolfie over there to keep me busy."

i said with a smile, the large dog wagging his tail as he sat at the edge of the kitchen.

"im sure he appreciated all you did for him."

bucky said and i nodded once, moving to the stove.

"uh, how do you like your eggs?"

he turned in the chair to look at me.

"what's your specialty?"

i laughed.

"anything but poached."

he smiled widely at me.

"over easy please."

"great. that i can do."

there was another long silence as i began frying the eggs. then he cleared his throat.

"would it be a little Stockholm syndrome-y to ask you out after saving my life?"

i let out a short, loud, laugh before looking at him.

"oh you're serious?"

i asked and he scratched the back of his neck nervously.

"unless youre not looking but the least i could do is take you to dinner."

i nodded slowly, plating the food and setting the plates on the counter.

"im not but i wouldnt say no to dinner. and who knows, maybe id be open to seeing you after. maybe with a shirt and not bleeding on my couch."

he picked up the fork and raised it in cheers to me.

"ill take it. and its the least i could do. as a thank you."

"its a date then."

[gaetoeinhaler]

𝐩𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭

lucifer x female reader smut

words : 1.8k

warnings ; spanking, choking, degrading, jealous and rough sex, mentions of a fight

_____________

i'm not sure how long it's been since i've seen lucifer come out of his room. he's always occupied with his work, but never pays attention to me. that's not how a relationship is supposed to work. no matter how much i tried to get him to at least go out on a date with me, just to give him a little break, he never agreed and continued to focus on his work.

it got to the point where we had a fight about it. i can still remember his words echoing throughout my head. luckily, the other brothers were here to comfort me.

they said lucifer will soon realize what he did was wrong and come out to apologize. though, its been past a week. and i'm starting to slowly doubt their words.

sitting down, watching a movie from the human that i had picked out, it being "It chapter 2" , we were all huddled together. mammon was clinging onto my arm as if his life depended on it, levi was holding my other arm. belphie was asleep, beel was eating all the popcorn. asmo and satan were on the other side of the couch, focused on the t.v. screen. waiting for another jumpscare to come.

______________

lucifer had finally finished all the paperwork that was needed to be done. he'd turn them in tomorrow to lord diavolo. though, throughout the time he worked on then, he had his mind wrapped around one thing and one thing only. (y/n). he didn't know how long it had been since he had last seen her.

he knew that she only wanted him to take a break. that she was worried for his health. but, he just had to go and lash out at her. he decided he'd make it up to her. he'd take tomorrow off, after he turned in the work, and spend the rest of the day with her. doing whatever she wanted for that day.

        he walked outside his room, seeing the hallways empty. the house was silent. that made him suspicious. he walked around, heading to the dining room. no one was there. he even checked the kitchen, expecting to find a hungry beelzebub roaming around looking for something to eat. he didn't, though.

        he wasn't going to jump to conclusions. he kept on walking until he heard the sound of voices coming from a room. he peeked through the door, and sure enough, there they all were. they were watching a movie. but, there was one thing lucifer didn't like. it was the fact that (y/n) was being smothered by two of his brothers. he frowned at the sight, and walked away.

        he'd do something about it later. something she couldn't refuse one bit whatsoever.

______________

        after the movie had ended, i slipped away from the sleeping brothers. walking out of the room, i headed down the hall, towards the kitchen to grab a small snack. thoughts raced around in my head, the memory of me and lucifer's fight still present within my mind. no matter how much his brothers comforted me, it still made me doubt myself. it made me doubt that i was good enough for him.

        shaking it away, i sighed out. if lucifer doesn't want me then he shouldn't have dated someone like me. walking inside the kitchen, i grabbed a cup from the cabinet, trying to stay as quiet as i could.

        pouring myself a glass of (flavor) juice, i brought the cup to my lips. taking small sips, the juice slowly disappeared. the cold substance slid down my throat, refreshing my thirst. going to place my cup in the sink to wash it, a creak was heard. footsteps soon came, and out from the darkness was lucifer.

his black hair was disheveled, out of place. eyebags were under his eyes, tainting his pale skin with a dark purplish black color. his ruby eyes held exhaustion in them, showing how tired he was. but yet, a small smirk was placed upon his pink lips. "hello, (y/n)." i gave a small nod, to acknowledge his appearance.

i could hear his form move, the floorboards creaking as he moved. turning to the sink, i started washing my cup clean. as i moved to put it away, a pair of hands landed on my hips. hot breath fanned against my ear, ruby eyes staring into the back of my head. "did you have fun? spending time with my brothers?" he whispered into my ear.

"lucifer..." i breathed out, turning my head slightly to get a glimpse at his red orbs. jealousy was written within them. need, too. the need for attention. my attention.

"tell me, what did you do with them?" he asked, moving the cup from my hand and to the counter. his hands on my hips turned my body around, making me face his way. "nothing, we didnt do anything." i reassured him, making sure to use the right words as to not fuel his jealousy. his eyebrows were narrowed, his eyes peering into my own. he clicked his tongue, moving his face until it was only inches away from mine.

"tell me. who do you belong to?" his eyes never blinked once, staying open to stare in my (e/c) eyes. taking a breathe in, i stare back in his eyes. "i belong to you,"

his smirk widened,"are you sure? it seems that you've forgotten." he leaned closer, his lips centimeters apart from mine. "i'll have to remind you who you belong to, (y/n)." his lips caught mine in a quick kiss, prying his way between my lips to allow his tongue inside my mouth.

        it brushed against mine, giving off warmth before claiming wherever it went. his hands snaked around to my top, fumbling with the hem of my hoodie. he pulled away, lifting up my hoodie and soon my shirt. his lips reattached to mine, his hands moving to my back.

        his fingers made quick work, unclipping my bra and letting it fall to the floor where the rest of my clothing have gone.

        lucifer pulled away, taking in the sight before him. his hands grasped ahold of my waist, lifting me up and setting me on the counter. his mouth attached onto my neck, leaving kisses amongst my skin, and the occasional nibble. his fingers moved to pull my leggings down, dropping them to the floor. his thumb pressed against my clothed clit, a gasp escaping my mouth the more he pressed down.

        with one hand teasing my slit, feeling the wet spot on my panties, the other worked on my nipple. pinching it softly, getting it harder with arousal. his teeth dug into my skin, soft enough to leave a bruise but not hard enough to cause my skin to break. his teeth moved down, leaving bites from the side of my neck to my collarbone.

        his hands moved away, his head pulling back to admire the bruises forming on my skin. his teeth dug into his bottom lip, his hands moving to remove his shirt. lifting it up, revealing his frosty pale skin, his toned chest. once his shirt was fully removed, his hands moved to remove his pants, fumbling with the belt.

        now fully naked, his erect member standing out, he slipped my panties off to join the rest of our clothes amongst the ground. his hands found their way on my hips again, pulling me close.

        aligning his member to my heated entrance, he slid himself in, groaning at the tightness. my hands found their way to his back, my nails digging in softly at the feeling of his cock stretching my walls. "lucifer," i whimpered, staring in his eyes.

        his hands removed themselves from my hips, pinning me down against the counter. my legs wrapped themselves around his waist, pulling him closer.

        he pulled out, before pushing himself back in. a moan erupted from my throat, encouraging him to move more. his hips pushed against mine, his cock hitting deep inside me. more moans came from me, his hand snaking to meet my throat. grasping ahold, enough to not cut off my breathe and blood flow. he leaned down, bottoming out before thrusting in.

        "you better quiet down, don't want my brothers to hear you now." he whispered. "they'll hear how much of a slut you are, taking me like this, letting me do such things to you, in this kitchen."

        his cock hit deeper every time he thrusted in, hitting deep inside my core and stretching me out more and more. i tried to keep quiet, trying to silence my moans, though when his dick hit that one spot, a small scream came from me.

he growled, his hand leaving my throat only to strike against my ass, leaving a stinging pain that only made me tighten around his cock. a groan came from his throat, feeling the sensation of my wells squeezing, pressing on his dick as he continued to thrust in.

“what did i just say? you little whore,” he huffed, his pace speeding up, chasing after my orgasm. “trying to get my brothers to hear your moans? how loud you are?” he groaned more, feeling my walls tighten more, signaling my orgasm would be soon. “taking my cock in your tight pussy,” his eyebrows furrowed, his red eyes peering in my eyes.

“lucifer, please,” i moaned softly, my thighs starting shake, wanting my release. “tell me who you belong to,” he huffed.

“you, i belong to you!” i cried out. “please, let me cum!” i pleaded, hearing him growl once more. “alright,” his words were spaced out. “cum when i say so.”

sweat dripped down his forehead and chest, his thrusts becoming sloppy as his cock twitched within me. his hair was more disheveled, ruined and out of its normal place. strands stuck out, his teeth sinking harsher and deeper in his bottom lip.

the tip of his dick kept hitting my special spot, drawing me closer and closer to my orgasm. until, the knot finally broke. not waiting for his command, i clenched my walls around him, using my legs and drawing him closer. my hands quickly found there way to his back, my nails digging into his skin and leaving red scratch marks.

waves of pleasure crashed over me, releasing on his cock. his tip twitched, before hot semen shot out and into my core.

panting heavily, my nails un-dug themselves from lucifer’s skin. my head fell against his chest, his muscles relaxing. his hands found there way, snaking around my form, and pulling me close.

“dont think this is over.” he whispered. “this is just only the beginning.”

[betweentheracks]

Heyo! Not to be too nosy here but you mentioned you're in bad health and recovering, and I just wondered what happened? Also how would it impact your career since, from how you've made it all seem thus far, it's a highly active and demanding job?

Hope you take care and get well! You appear quite strong and not like you'd take whatever has happened just lying down, so here's to you!! 🙏💓

No sweat and no worries here, I dont find this particularly invasive. If anything, I'm flattered you care to ask after me lol. 😁

A few weeks back I met a friend I hadn't seen in some time for lunch. This was against my better sense of caution that I've held firmly to throughout the pandemic, but I would feel regretful and dismissive if I didnt agree to see her while I had the chance. I should've listened my gut and stayed safely at work because this "friend" failed to mention she had tested positive (she knew already by the time of our lunch date, she has since admitted) and had figured since she had no symptoms there was no harm in being in public.

FF only a few days later and I was feeling a little unwell but had put it off as an effect of the winter blast that had just hit where I live. I'd spent half a day out in the cold and snow for a photoshoot only the day before and thought it was probably due to that since I'm susceptible to weather influenced head colds and bronchitis. Fortunately, my job mandates a rigid COVID-19 screening twice a week due to our high profile clientele and as an assurance of health and safety for us all. Mine read back with a positive and with the way I had been feeling I was immediately sent home and the company closed its doors while the building was sterilized and our clients notified.

Thankfully I managed not to infect anyone I work with nor my son. Regrettably, I did infect my best friend since we're horrifically incapable of maintaining personal space and have weak shit immune systems. We both agree it is a wonder we made it this far into plague times without it catching us.

So I went and got looked over and sent on my way with my prescription of potent anti-virals and steroids. I was well prepared to abide the quarantine guidelines and had sent my son to my mother's home for the duration so that he was out of the danger zone. It was fine, I was kinda cool and keen on getting a few days to myself to rest up and all that jazz. But it wasn't meant to last and I found trouble in the form of being unable to remain conscious much at all and would pass out constantly. After a few times of this I gave my brother (he's a doctor and vaccinated) a ring and told him that my fatigue was no joke dude and needed him to come give me a better once over than the one I'd gotten before bc I was sure I was not meant to feel this badly. He found me unconscious in the shower that night, my head battered from crashing to the basin.

After ensuring I wasn't concussed and jokes on what a hard head I have to take such a beating and show no signs of registering it beyond bruising (a joke between us due to him having once accidentally put a golf club into my forehead and fracturing my skull but that's a different story) he told me to call him regularly so that he can review how I feel and the progression of my symptoms and left. By the morning I had already had two more instances of sudden fatigue and collapsing in on myself. I had been posting on my main blog here about how I was doing and due to this I caught the concern of @peekbackstage and upon their suggestion to have my O2 levels tested it was revealed that I was having issues with my blood not circulating oxygen as it should and nearing hypoxia.

Here's the rub. I have a heart condition that is already very dangerous and bleak which limits my heart's capability of delivering blood through my body as it should. Cardiomyopathy or, as it seems better known, congestive heart failure. I've had surgery for it and it has been a while since it caused me any real issues as long as I stick to my routine of care and manage my health, but when COVID-19 infiltrated my body it immediately snagged upon this weak heart of mine and sank its fangs in.

Within a day of being admitted to the hospital I had a grand mal seizure due to the constant fluctuations of oxygen in my blood and the way my body was working double time to supplement for it. And only 2 days after that and when my nervous system had finally quieted down, I went into full cardiac arrest with a heart attack at my young age.

My next weeks were spent connected to machines doing more for me than my own body could. I developed pneumonia in my lungs, acute though it was it was still another complication that my wrecked body had to overcome as it made my already ragged breathing even worse. I was steadily shedding muscle tone and definition due to a lack of mobility and the fact that my body felt like a deadweight I could hardly take command of, and generally very weakened. My heart, the horrible thing, was inflamed and trying too hard by beating too fast, too hard.

FF some more and I was doing fairly well and treatments were showing some improvement. My heart was still being an ugly and gnarled beast in my chest and throwing weird spikes on the monitor that raised alarms. The pneumonia was retreating and I had no further seizures. It was the dawning light of my first signs that I was recovering!

It took a while more and so fucking many tests day in and day out for me get cleared for release. I tested negative for COVID-19 and was ashamed that I actually forgot that that was why I was even in the hospital to begin with, given all that happened. I have to undergo physical therapy and counseling; PT for heart happy exercises as well as to manage to my depleted muscles, counseling bc I was rocked mentally from all the almost dying and the depressive haze of being holed up in the hospital and surrounded by people who, like me, came in with COVID-19 but unlike me did not come out of it.

I'm home now. I had to have a pacemaker implanted and must stay vigilant for any showing that my heart is not performing as it should. I still have some severe inflammation and chest restriction in my airways as well as my blood vessels but nothing too daunting. I also have a full battalion of prescriptions, most for my heart, and a nebulizer to ease any breathing issues. The worst is honestly that I still am very weak and have severely limited reserves of energy.

My job is required to make me take 12 weeks of leave for rest and recuperation. This is very upsetting since I had been requested by name to be an assistant stylist at the Grammys this year which is truly a dream (especially with BTS in the mix 😩😩) and also bc I'm just a workaholic by nature and love my job. When I return I am expected to learn how to properly delegate tasks that do not directly require me to handle and slow down the pacing of my projects. My boss terminated a contract with a client that was nearing the scheduled end of our agreement and was also incredibly problematic to help lighten my workload. It's imperative that I reign in my stress levels or my heart will not last until the next surgery I'll need, so I'm gritting my teeth and letting my job be picked apart to reduce my responsibilities.

My post awaits my return but I will not be returning to full activity for a while after, which means no rifling through the racks for hours alongside the archivists in search of the perfect piece. I'll be welcome to meet with my clients and oversee the glam teams, will still be the command tower for final verdicts on which styles to use. But I will not be running around showrooms nor personally handling matters any competent trainee could be tasked with like I've always done. I will no longer be able to fly out anywhere for destination shoots or fashion shows.

If, after my next surgery, things are better and my heart stable to the point that they are hopeful of things will be reevaluated. While it is difficult beyond measure for me to relinquish the reigns of my career and be restricted in what I can do now, I am very thankful to be alive and upright when that wasn't a certainty just a little while ago. This is such a humbling experience to have survived when my stats kept dropping every day. I've been told to expect that I will never make a full 100% recovery and to expect to stall out around the 70%-90% range, with 70% being the most realistic.

My best friend (the one I gave the plague to) will be moving in with me so that I am never on my own if things go tits up and to assist in wrangling a toddler since I am currently without the energy to do so as my child is, sincerely, a crazy gremlin spawn with limitless battery life. Slowly, my life will regain some normalcy 💖