#i didn't think this would be such an essay bruh if only i had this energy for uni stuff i'd be unstoppable

[darklight-owl]

Making this a reblog because I have many thoughts-

Twin Fantasy by Car Seat Headrest ;w;

There's a lot of different interpretations for this album but mine has always been "a codependent relationship between two people with similar traumas and their eventual breaking up" and like IF THAT ISN'T ANGSTY ROYAI-

Anyway I got to listening to the album again and (bear with me it's 1am) I'm gonna try and explain how the songs fit them (I'm sorry I start talking about music+characters and I can't stop I'll regret it if I don't do this):

My Boy and Beach Life in Death are just straight up pining/these two doofuses trying to figure out what their relationship is exactly (also the lyrics "Last night I dreamed he was trying to kill you / I woke up and I was trying to kill you" but as THAT scene,, yk the one where Roy almost kills Envy)

Stop Smoking is... well I think the lyrics "we love you and we don't want you to die" speak for themselves.

I already talked about Sober to Death but uhh yeah they were wrecks before they crashed into each other :')

Nervous Young Inhumans doesn't fit as much I'll admit- this song is about the singer's partner never letting him see the "ugly" side of him while the singer thinks he ONLY showed the ugliest parts of himself when he was with him- ok yk what never mind I see it.

Bodys and Cute Thing are ALSO pining!! But THIS time it's because they're already dating and spending a lot of time apart (which ALSO is what happens in the series go figure). In Royai's case there's also the looming threat of death so we get the lyrics "Don't you realize our bodies could fall apart at any second / I am terrified your body could fall apart at any second"

High to Death... Oh God this is the breakup one. See this is what happens when you separate Roy and Riza they are suffering alone and neither of them is reaching out :'[

Yeah from this point on the album moves away from the relationship and is more about the aftermath,, i'm not gonna dwell on them too much bc why do I do this to myself

Famous Prophets I see as more Riza PoV, in this scenario (that only exists for angst because they are married in my brain) Roy would be the one to break it off and use the military regulations as an excuse when we all know he just believes he's undeserving. Also the lyrics "Did I fail? Did I fall? Did I waste my time on a broken heart?"

(Side note I'd kinda forgotten about Famous Prophets hinting at the singer's partner improving his life and leaving the singer behind but I'm ignoring it that doesn't help our purposes here)

Twin Fantasy fixes it though sorta! They're on good terms, and although they may not be lovers anymore they still love each other if that makes sense.

Admittedly the parallels are mostly in the begginning songs but uhh yeah gonna go cry over people who don't exist now-

heck heckheckheck ok so your fma playlist post got me thinking about songs that would fit these guys and I had an epiphany there's this whole ALBUM i love that just has the biggest Royai vibes and since you're the Authority on Best Couple (in my head at least) I just thought you should know this-

OMG which album also very flattered

[anarchy-and-piglins]

Dark SBI Mafia AU because I reread yours, and I watch too much General Hospital.

Techno is a struggling college student. Not struggling with grades, oh no. He has perfect grades. All of the assigned work? Too easy. What he actually struggling with? Money.

His asshole parents wanted him to stay local for college, but he wasn't going to do that. He was destined for greatness. He was a shoe-in for an ivy league school. He did fencing as an extra curricular, he had perfect grades, he had written KILLER entrance essays. It was a done deal. He was leaving his podunk small town and going off to become the next great american author.

But all of his applications were rejected.

Techno was incredibly upset with himself, thinking he had somehow messed up. But, after doing a little "legal adjacent" searching, he finds out his parents used shady connections to get his college apps rejected.

Instead of getting mad and calling them on it, he quietly (and quickly) applies to a different school. Not ivy league, but still having a FANTASTIC writing program.

He gets in and he tells his parents he is going to a different college than the community college and they flip their lid. It's a huge argument and Techno stomps out of the house and goes to stay with his friend Skeppy.

He stays with Skeppy until he graduates, completely ignoring everytime his parents try to contact him. He's 18, they can't do shit to make him go home. Skeppy is a good friend, and applies to the same school that Techno did (and gets in). Techno never told his parents WHICH school he was accepted to, because he didn't want them to sabotage him. So, he and Skeppy get an apartment together the Fall that school starts.

Hence why Techno needs money. He didn’t get as much scholarship money as he needed because he applied late. He's a shoe in to get more grants next year, but this year is pretty slim.

So, he starts a little business of writing people's essays for them.

Doesn't matter the subject, level, or length, Techno will write your essay for you. He charges by the grade. Oh, you only have $70? I can't get you more than a C on that one, bud. Like, Techno is really only in college for the diploma. He already knows all this crap. It's honestly a little boring to him. But if he wants to get a doctorate, he has to play the game. And, if anything, all the writing is just more practice for Techno.

His teachers are none the wiser. It's not like it pings a plagerism scan. Techno is writing each one individually. How would they know?

Well, one teacher knows. Or, at least suspects. But he can't prove it.

Anyways, Techno is all about that money grind, which gets a little hard when Skeppy starts throwing parties in their apartment.

Skeppy is polite about it. He always tells Techno ahead of time that parties are happening. He makes sure everyone knows that Techno's room is a No-Go. And honestly, Techno ABSOLUTELY advertises his essay sells at these parties. At least, he does so before people get too drunk and loud, and then he quickly retreats to his room. He had splurged on soundproofing. It's much more quiet.

However, one night he stays out at the library late and when he fights his way through Skeppy's party to get to his room he sees someone sleeping in his bed.

Wait, not sleeping, passed out absolutely WASTED.

And the guy...looks almost exactly like Techno.

That's weird. Seems like the start to a bad horror film. But Techno is too tired to deal with this and tries to shake awake the jerk that's snoozing in his bed.

He doesn't get anywhere with that. The lanky bastard doesn't wake at all but GOSH does be sleep slap! Bruh. Techno doesn't have time for this. Techno finds the guys wallet and phone and pulls up the emergency contacts.

He calls the option labeled Dad. Screw this guy, hopefully he gets chewed out by his dad for underage drinking or something.

A person answers, sounding annoyed that Wilbur ditched family night.

"Uh, I have your son."

Silence, and then the guy on the other end starts the threats, asking for demands and Techno backpedals hard, telling him that Wilbur is just drunk passed out in his bed and someone needs to come grab him.

The voice on the other end is just like "Oh, oops. Okay, I'll come grab him."

Techno has to drag mostly unconscious drunk Wilbur through the party. The dude is fighting him with every step. Techno is getting a WORK OUT.

Techno finally makes it out of his apartment and sees a very shiny black car. A driver steps out and opens a back door. Techno was assuming that he was just going to drop Wilbur in there before a blonde man steps out.

The guy is kind of staring until Techno breaks the silence. The guy hurries forward to help. Wilbur mutters nonsense as Phil sets him in the back of the car.

Phil thanks Techno and Techno brushes it off as no big. Until Phil offers money and hey, Techno isn't going to say no to money. And the guy gives him, like, $2000 cash. Is that sketchy? Yes. Does Techno care? Nope.

They say their goodbyes and Techno walks back into the apartment, a little exhausted.

He doesn't notice Phil staring after him like a hawk, before climbing into the car.

Phil maneuvers Wilbur's head into his lap. He looks down at his son, his oldest son who was born a twin. Who's twin was stolen when they were only DAYS old, Phil preoccupied with helping his wife who had had a really traumatic birth.

A twin he had thought dead, the person who had stolen his son having spit that in his face when he had slit their throat.

Phil pulled out his phone and started making calls.

When Wilbur starts hanging around Techno, he assumes that the guy wants a discount on essays. Fat chance. He charges Skeppy double, he's not giving this guy any leeway.

Yet Wilbur hangs around, constantly asking prying questions. Wanting to know more about Techno. Pestering Techno in the library. Following Techno to the dang bathroom.

The guy is relentless, but Techno isn't...bothered, per se. The attention is nice. Skeppy had made a new friend named Bad and spent a ton of time with him. He kept encouraging Techno to make more friends, too.

Well, what could another friend hurt?

It's surely fiiiineee.

Have a good day.

I kept this ask hostage for so long, it's been collecting dust in my ask box for over a MONTH. But only because I wanted to come back and keep rereading it. This is SO GOOD, and my brain has brrr thoughts in many different dimensions. Especially about how Techno's 'adoptive' parents could factor into this...

[ghostkingdoesstuff]

Question? And sorry if this sounds dumb and insensitive. I know a lot of these mythology stories people use to believe in them. But what does it matter if the story isn't 100% accurate to the original myth? Is it historical accuracy that is why that a lot of people get wrong when people like one version better than another? Or is it because they use to be(an some people still do) believe in these stories that's part of their culture? I'm asking as a person who loves myths retellings and dont really are which one is 100% accurate because it was so long ago well never 100% no for sure.

I'm a polytheist who works with Greek deities, so that's mostly what I can speak on. Back then, telling stories about the God's was commonplace, building upon old renditions and adding new "cannon" to the mythos. We're still uncovering new artifacts that add to the mythos and contradict other aspect of the mythos. Personally, I don't see a problem with changing aspects of it to fit a modern story.

That being said, the other part of that "Poly" in polytheist is Muslim (confusing, truly, I know), and that comes my other opinion on this topic: be respectful. Using South Park for this example, the only episode of South Park to ever be pulled off the air, in all the hijinks Matt and Trey have gotten up to in decades of television making, has been the one where they depicted Muhammad (PBUH). Now... truly, I think it's dumb to get in a tizzy over to the point of killing people because your favorite dude was drawn in a way you didn't like... duh.

That being said, there is a way to depict the Prophet in art that Muslim scholars typically agree is fine. Depict him with a veil over his face. More interesting character design than just a brown dude for art points as a bonus. I'm not saying if Matt and Trey had done a few minutes of research, we could be watching one of the best episodes of South Park on HBO Max today... but yeah, that probably would have saved them some hassle... then again, overzealous people will be overzealous regardless of what one does. So truly, Gods only know.

TL;DR People complaining that specifically Greek mythological stories aren't "100 percent accurate to the myths" truly know nothing about Greek mythology. Bruh, there are a million different versions of the same myth. It's primarily an oral mythological. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM PEOPLE??? Additionally, there are instances where it's understandable why people would be upset.

I can only speak on what I know personally, but this is a really interesting topic, I could write an essay about it truly, but this post is getting long, lol.

[misssugarpinkshome]

Omg I saw the funniest thing last night when I went through my old fictions on an old website I frequented (which I should really update and go back to)

On one of my fics I posted in 2014 (so, you know, at age 17), I received a comment from this person that was clearly “criticism” but… well, I’ll get into their comments. They were fairly high and mighty about it. Mind you, this was a quick, not even 2k oneshot about… a character… going to bed. That’s it. It was just a little slice of life fic about a character overworking themselves and their assistant helping get them to sleep.

Their first message was about a single missed apostrophe and an extra space, and they said “Nice fic but not great.” I asked them about the grammar (because I thought it’d been right, but I struggled a lot with apostrophes) and they said explained how it worked and said, “Source: I teach English to ESL classes.”

[Stares in “I am now an English teacher and I still don’t get my grammar 100% correct 24/7”]

Anyways, I asked for clarification on why my fic wasn’t good, and they said, “it’s very poetic, but it feels forced.” Which. Bruh I’m 17 and it’s a pithy little oneshot. Get a life? But they responded that they would “come back and give it another shot one day.” I awkwardly thank them for their entirely unsolicited grammar and vibe check criticism and we move on our way.

… so cut to 8 weeks later, and I get another message from them. It’s correcting another apostrophe error, and then says “Ouch, touch start. Pass.”

Do you notice anything about this?????

Anyways. Being the pedantic 17 year old I was… My response was a my attempt to match their level of pretentiousness and spite.

Plain text:

Now, allow me to question you for but a moment, Sir. I seem to recall you commented on this fanfiction once before with a very similar comment - that is, you felt the need to correct my grammar. For one thing, I have to wonder why you didn't catch this grammar mistake the first time you read through this. Obviously, a teacher of ESL classes is an absolute expert in the English language; as such, I would assume that you would catch a simple mistake in what was quite literally the second sentence of the story on your first read through. I recognize that I missed it, but I do not proclaim myself the most grammatically correct aspiring young author in the world. Moving on from that fact, you have commented on grammar in this fan fiction before, and mentioned that you thought it was a "nice fic but not great." I have to wonder why, after 8 weeks, you decided you suddenly enjoyed this fanfiction you thought was "very poetic, but feels forced." You mentioned you would read through it again because I took criticism so well; after 8 weeks, I rather gave up on receiving any extra comments from you. Perhaps it simply took you this long to read a fairly short fanfiction. Perhaps you had grading of your ESL class to catch up on.

I understand that my fanfictions are not loved by all, and that my flaws in grammar and spelling might make you dislike my fanfictions. But seeing as the only way I can interpret "Ouch, touch start. Pass." is that you did not want to read my fanfiction (despite having read it once before), I can conclude that you, sir, are a tad bit of a fool. If you think this is a pass up fanfiction, then by all means, stop reading it. And, if it truly was so unmemorable that you forgot you read this, then you're in luck: your original comment was so unmemorable, I had to scroll all the way down to this comment box just to remember you had commented on this fanfiction already! Had you not angered me, you would not have another essay to read from another aspiring fan of the English language.

Have a lovely day (Website Emoji)

PS: I am not quite positive what a 'touch start' is. Perhaps you meant 'tough start'?

[End Plain Text]

AND YOU KNOW WHAT CAME OF THIS?

The fucker updated his comment with the typo to correct it, and that was it. No reply, no taking down his comment. Just leaving it there for the world to see that this man in giving my fic a "second chance" revealed he didn't even remember critiquing it 2 months prior, and didn't catch the Obvious Error in the second goddamn sentence.

Strangers online who critique writing are wild.

I think that one thing people fail to understand is that unsolicited literary criticism coming from an online stranger who is reading with no knowledge of what the authors intended goal is, is not going to be received the same as say: the authors beta reader or friends who know what the authors intended goal and has the sufficient knowledge and input to help the author reach that desired outcome.

"But I'm only trying to be helpful" How do I know you have the knowledge and literary skill for you to be able to actaully do that when we don't know each other and you are essentially a stranger to me? Are you applying this criticism based out of personal biased experience and desire to see the story or characterization be driven in another direction or tweaked, or do you know the author's intentions for the character? If the story is incomplete, are you basing your criticism of a character on the incomplete narration with only partial information available of them or are you building up a report until the story's completion? Did the author provide you with the information needed to make a fully informed criticism?

Have you discussed with the author what their plans are or are you assuming them based off the narration, especially if the narration is proven or implied to be unreliable or missing key points of the plot? Are you unbiased enough to help them reach their desired outcome for the characters and story regardless of your personal feelings towards the characters/antagonists and setting? Can you handle being told your specific input isn't wanted because you're a reader and/or have no written anything relating to their genre or topic? Do you understand and respect that the author's personal experiences might influence their writing and make it different than how you would have done it personally? Do you understand if an author only wants input from a specific demographic relating to their story?

If it's for fanfiction or other hobby media, are you holding a free hobby to a professional standard? Are you trying to give criticism because you feel like the author has produced 'subpar job performance' of their fic? Are you viewing their work as a personal intimate outlet or something that must conform with mass media? Are you applying rules and guidelines when the fic is shared for simple sharing sake? Is your criticism worded appropriately and focused on the parts where the author has requested input on rather than a general dismissal and or disapproval?

Have you put yourself in a place where you assumed you have the input needed for the story to evolve better, or have you asked what the author needs and what they're having trouble with? Can you handle having your criticism rejected if the author decides their story doesn't need the change and not take it as a personal offense against your character? Are you crossing that boundary because you think you are doing the author a favor? Are you trying to be helpful, or do you just want to be?

I think sometimes when people hear authors go 'please don't give me unsolicited writing advice or criticism' they automatically chalk it up to 'this author doesn't want ANY constructive feedback on their stuff at all' and not "i already have trusted individuals who will help me with my writing goals and- hey i don't know you like that, please stop acting so overly familiar with me'

[kafkaoftherubble]

年与年之间恍惚的阈限：末夜•旭日•无常

Part of this is cobbled from entries written on Paradehyde, 31st December 2023 at 10.38 p.m., and January 1st, 2024, both shortly after 12 am and 5.18 pm.

We haven't laid out our resolutions for this year. It should be done by this week.

Last year's Lyndises didn't make any resolution; we still didn't feel like the future would include us back then. The Knocking Lady didn't succeed in making any of us do what she really wanted, but she didn't really lose either. The future was tenebrous. Ungraspable. Packed with everyone else except us. There seemed to be no spot for us in the future; the future had overlooked us, we thought. It's like people; no matter how much I'm allowed to be around them, there will come a moment when I cease fulfilling their conditions, and they will leave, or I will fade away from them. It's not even out of malice. It just happens.

It's impermanence. Both the Lyndises and Fionn in the early days of the year already understood this. Hell, we understood this since we were kids. Impermanence. It's as natural as the sun rising and setting.

The year got better. My predecessors were really something. It wasn't really a mistaken boast when one of them declared, almost bitterly, "We always recover without help. We just do."

Though, it would be remiss of us to ignore the one who strived the hardest. "Without help" was a misnomer—this statement is only true if we treat Fionn as do the world out there does: as a non-person delusional existence attached to a person.

---

Last year's New Year Quote, according to Paradehyde, was Albert Camus' "One must imagine Sisyphus happy."

Last year's Word of the Year according to Lyndis of A Few Weeks Ago, was "interdependence." Because "dependent co-arising" was two words; it didn't fit the bill.

The Lyn at the Beginning of 2023 thought this would be "The Year of the White-Haired Boy." She meant Fionn, but the funny thing was that it turned out to be Gojo Satoru who hijacked that narrative. I didn't even realize I liked Satoru this much until that infamous Chapter 236. I could have gone on never knowing. And then he just took up my thoughts. And then I, supposed Dedicated Essayist for To Your Eternity, wrote essays on Jujutsu Kaisen. On Gojo Satoru, who already has a surplus of meta essays and whatnot.

Damn it.

I think another "Totally Trivial and Useless Realization" comparable to this Satoru shit is—okay, don't laugh—that we really, really, really... No wait, I said don't laugh, assholes! Don't laugh!

We really think, I mean, hypothetically... Like if a certain very famous Siddhartha was alive in our times, he might just be a cognitive scientist too. It seems so up his alley. I mean, yea whatever, he could totally become a philosopher and a teacher or something. But cognitive science, man. Come on. Makes too much sense when you really read what he said and thought about.

And I think—as in, I share the same sentiment as that unfortunate Lyndis who realized this while rambling about things with Lyishere—that if he were to be alive at this time, and I somehow got to know him personally... I think I'll like him a lot. I think I'll wanna befriend him and annoy the shit out of him and think about stuff with him and break his arguments apart if I don't think it holds. I would like to watch him all the way to his Awakening. I would like to study him. He would be very interesting to study—

"BRUH DID YOU JUST say your perfect partner is the Buddha?! HOLY SHIT, this is inSANE. OH MY GOD NEVER SAY MY STANDARDS ARE HIGH EVER AGAIN. LIKE MINE IS HIGH BUT NOT THE BUDDHA like bro ATEEZ MOUNTAIN MAN HIMBO CORE WITH OPPENHEIMER IQ IS ACTUALLY MORE NORMAL THAN THIS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK"

Yea. I don't think anyone else needs to know about this. Let's just keep it between us, and Lyi, yea?

Fionn? Nah. He's more like Ananda than Siddhartha. Doesn't stop him from being someone I care about the most in this entire world, though.

---

I really like the days between the years. "Zwischen den Jahren" or something. It's its own liminal space, you know. And we are drawn to liminal spaces like that. It feels like where we seem to belong.

The thing about these days is that it makes for the best time to observe anicca! You watch the days between Christmas and New Year crawl toward finality. If it has been a bad year, it's ending. If it has been a good year, it's ending. If it has been a neutral year, it's ending. Everything ends. Nothing lasts.

And then, at one point, I suddenly felt quite... scared!

2023 started out not too impressive, but it progressively got better. In fact, it ended up being a huge step up from even the years before it. It was really the most bliss we had for a while.

And then, when 2024 came, I suddenly thought—well, who says it's gonna keep getting better? Who says it's gonna plateau in this comfortable stability, either? Everything is impermanent. Good times are impermanent too. Whatever peace I'm feeling right now—it's impermanent. It won't last forever. Something could come and yank it away from me.

And that, Lyndis of the Future, was me forgetting what anicca really means. As eventful or as storied as a moment may be, it will die. As packed with the strongest sentiments we could possibly experience or label—joy or stress or pleasure or pain or rapture or despair—no matter how royally this moment struts on a stage right now... it will drop dead and become history. Being momentous changes nothing. Being nondescript changes nothing.

So, of course the 8-foot Tall Woman jeered at me. I was scared of losing these good days because I grew attached to something impermanent in the first place. She would laugh at Fionn, too, because he tends to grasp on good moments and mope if something he likes is ending—for example, the end of a pleasurable trip would really make him brood.

It's kinda annoying cause' we often are aware of our attachments—that means we are knowingly being dissatisfied/suffering/distressed. Knowingly! It's like already knowing you're gonna hate this game, and you still buy it and play it. It's different from not knowing you'd hate this game and buying it and playing it, ya know.

"There's no fear for one whose mind is not filled with desires," said The Guy We Could Have Been Very Close Friends With Me. Well, we're certainly not without desires, that's for sure.

---

Fionn told me while we were lying on the floor listening to fireworks that though he was still thinking over his resolutions, there was one thing he wanted to continue pursuing: equanimity.

Well, I'm afraid you ain't getting that if you and I can't solve the attachment-to-impermanence problem, man.

The thing, guys, is that his resolutions are our resolutions. It's not a separate enterprise he undertakes on his own while I can undertake my efforts on my own. We are dependently co-arisen. He cannot get to where he wants if we don't help. It's the same in the world outside, between persons despite their supposed independence as human beings. One person cannot succeed without the backing of their closest, immediate environment; that includes the people in their lives.

So his wanting to pursue equanimity means we have to be resolute in that, too. What a drag.

The bigger drag is how, even though we started understanding anicca at a young age, we still grasp. I honestly don't think we have that many excuses.

You can forgive someone who didn't know much about this philosophy for being distressed over their attachments, but we already knew this and verified this through our own experience, over and over, at a young age.

You can forgive Past Lyndises for falling short because they were young, brain-not-matured-yet, inexperienced, and trying hard to survive, yadda-yadda. But I? I have no excuses. I am in a better position than my predecessor in January 2023 already. I am heir to the sum of their knowledge, experience, and thoughts. I honestly have no excuses.

I actually kinda like that. The fact that I have no excuses, I mean. To even arrive at this stage, where I'm living in such an optimal state as to have no excuses, means all of the previous Lyns have been skillful. They had, despite their circumstances, acted skillfully enough that now I am reaping the benefits! Isn't that swell? They planted causes that allow me good effects. Kamma done well, y'all. That's affirming shit right there!

I wouldn't want to let my Future Lyns down.

I wouldn't want to let Fionn down.

---

Emotions like anger and anxiety aren't permanent. I mean, they always seem permanent when they are happening, but that's an illusion. They cease on their own, ya know.

The reason why they don't cease, one of Past Us realized, is because you consciously or unconsciously extend them beyond their longevity.

Think of them as a flame on a candle. Before the flame dies out—which it will on its own—you keep lighting new candles with this flame. So the original candle of anxiety is dead, and yet new ones continue its existence... similar to a rebirth. You keep lighting new candles each time the old one is on its way out.

So this emotion is sustained. It looks like a blazing field, but if you look closely, it's really a sea of candles. And if you are heedful enough to refrain from lighting new candles, then you'll see even the strongest emotion die on its own course. That's just impermanence doing its work.

I wonder if this is, oddly enough, one solution for the impermanence of... well, bliss? Joy? What was that phrase again? Dittha-dhamma-sukha-vihara? Abiding in ease, here and now?

Anyway, lighting up candles with the flame of Ease before it die would mean sustaining Ease beyond its expiry date, right?

But Fionn raised a good point: I have to be really heedful of what candle to light, because if I accidentally light the ones of passion and excess joy, then I'll be stuck in a frenzy of lighting them forever before the flames run out.

It's got to do with dopamine. The pain in the death of "Good Times" is really the effect of lowered dopamine levels. The stronger the reduction, the stronger the crash. And dopamine acclimates itself to prolonged rewards and sets it as its new normal; it's how a brain functions. Something great will become merely good over time.

If I light the wrong candles, then I will lock myself into a constant fear of the flames blowing off, i.e. the crash of dopamine. The candles of passion are always getting shorter and shorter as dopamine acclimates itself to rewards, so I'll have to scramble to find more and more "arousing" (longer) candles to light. But that raises the "normal" dopamine level to even greater heights, making its crash even more terrifying and painful should it happen. I will only be even more scared.

Do you see what Fionn and I are seeing? We'll be enslaved by this fear. I'll be doomed to this Sisyphean work of lighting candles and stressing over when the crash is coming. It will be worse than Sisyphus's Rock-Rolling, because the slope keeps getting steeper, the rock larger, and the summit taller.

Sooner or later, not even the candles themselves will become joy. They will just morph into anxieties as if fucking Mahito had touched them and Mui Tenpen the shit out of them.

That's so unskillful! 嫌だ！

----

Which comes back to the question: what are we supposed to do?

Well... "What are we really trying to achieve" is a good question, I suppose:

Are we trying to extend a feeling of joy, or the longevity of "good things," beyond its expiry?

Or are we trying not to fear the impermanence of good things?

Which is it?

The more skillful goal seems to be the second one, methinks. The first is just good old "attachment" cosplaying as noble intent. Besides, the second goal is related to equanimity itself.

Oh, this is great! A good question to ponder during meditation! It will get us a tad bit closer to Fionn's resolution! Yes, this is a good start!

[itshyuka]

Hi! Do you mind if I join the teacher convo?:D I was studying to be a high school english and biology teacher at uni a few years ago. In my fourth year I had an insane burnout because we didn't get any support during the pandemic (also the education system went to hell due to politics) so I decided to take a break and put my studies on pause. I started working at a language school where I was overworked and underpaid (they reaaaaallly took advantage of the fact that i didn'thave my degree yet), but my students were amazing and I genuinely enjoyed it, and it actually gave me more experience than any classes at uni. I ended up quitting because of the overworked+underpaid part, and now i'm self employed and teach online, and I love it so much!!😭 I also managed to get back up from the burnout and planning to go back to study, although I will switch to linguistics, I don't think I could join the school system now, I have some real horror stories about my peers doing their internships during the strikes://

Did you always know you wanted to be a teacher? Is it what you'd expected? Also if you could change something about the school system to make it better (for students OR the teachers) what would you do?

It's so excited to see other young teachers!!! Most of my peers switched to something completely different, I think only one person actually graduated from my department 😔

Anyways!! Wishing you a lovely day, thank you for letting me unload all that, didn't know I needed it 😅💕💕

you can unload whenever you want!! happy to listen! especially if it’s about teaching hehe

so sorry to hear that that happened to you!! burnout is the worst…… I never felt quite the same after my first ever burnout. Glad you’re back in a much better mindset 💖 also yes to linguistics!!!! such an interesting field of study.

i’ve also heard my fair share of horror stories unfortunately… so I totally understand people like yourself who don’t want to enter it. it’s such a shame the education industry is rife with all kinds of crappy happenings.

anw um i’ve always known i’d end up in the teaching field sooner or later!! but of course it’s not what younger me expected it to be now that i’m actually a teacher. it’s so much more work behind the scenes than i realised. makes me appreciate some of my favourite teachers growing up a lot more. also it’s so emotionally draining esp when you get a class that doesn’t care 😭

something i’d change??? huh. smaller class sizes comes to mind first. students deserve more personalised help!!! but smaller class sizes means we need more teachers…. and that’s a tough ask when we get piss poor pay for the amount of stress and work we go through (esp in the public system!!) 💀 the overwhelming lack of respect for teachers is also so tough….

i think overall though i’d love to go into education policy down the line and advocate for much better support for teachers. bc better supported teachers means better supported students. like uh increased PAID planning time for one bc bruh ive spent too many nights unpaid and then guilted if i even think of claiming it as paid work… also better access to resources for ALL schools too. like equipment, facilities, textbooks and wifi.

sorry I could go on and on, and i do rant about this topic to a mate in education policy all the time HAHAHA but of course politics is messy and schools are businesses 🙄🤢 this is just my essay speed run. thanks for asking 💖💖 i always love connecting with fellow educators!!! bc i got into this industry to support people and who better to support than other fellow teachers (and also the kids of course) hehe

[just-some-random-blogger]

Death By Bagel

NCT Culinary Student!Mark Lee x Fashion Design Student!Reader Summary: Mark makes a cake cause he's realized he can't lose you to some f-boy. Word Count: 3k+ Warnings: Fluff, childhood au, college au, slowish burn, slight cursing, reallllly fluffy, some broksi-dude action, typos sksksksks, etc.

R E Q U E S T my friend: mark lee, slow burn, friends to lovers

A/N: I wrote a fic that already had like 1k+ word then I LOST IT (i think i deleted it) thus this. It took me 10 years to write this msmsmkskskks. PLEASE TUMBLR IS MESSING WITH ME AND MIXED UP THE ORDER OF SOME OF THE DIALOGUE

“As a doctor, I don’t think you should be doing that,” Mark says, not even bothering to look at his patient seated rudely on the floor. Oop, he’s lying down now.

Mark huffs and looks up from the clay block he was molding on his tray, “YOU’RE SO UNPROFESSIONAL!”

Mark’s mother nearly spits out her coffee upon hearing the words of his five-year-old son. Her husband snorts, “He got that from you.”

The woman throws a look at the man and was supposed to give a snarky retort, up until the sound of the doorbell ringing. She grins from ear-to-ear and dashes to get the door.

When she comes back to the living room, she’s accompanies by another woman and a tiny version of her.

“Markie! Say hello to your Auntie!” Mark’s mom calls.

Mark from the carpeted floor looks up and blinks, examining the stranger-woman and its human-ling. Mark turns to his father who was sat on the couch and receives a nod of approval almost. Mark purses his lips and waves at the woman.

The woman waves back and then crouches down to the little girl, “Baby, say hello to Mark.”

Unwilling, she shakes her head.

“Aw come on, baby. Don’t be shy. Mark over there is a really sweet boy. I knew him when he was in his mommy’s tummy, just like Mark’s mom knew you when you were in mine. You’re the same age so you’ll get along just fine.”

With the unnecessary explanation that gave no justification to the scene whatsoever out of the way, the girl was fooled into peeping up, “Hi, Mark.”

“Hello,” Mark says, not particularly interested, as his patient was still in the midst of dying in his office. He turned to his stuffed toy called Mr. Lion and attempted to stand him up once more.

At this point, the girl makes her way to Mark.

“We’ll be back in two hours, honey. Keep an eye on the children,” Mrs. Lee tells his husband who had been occupied with TV the entire time.

“Yeah. I got this,” he smiles to his wife then goes back to watching.

The bumble bee clad figure sat down to Mark in blue and watched him play.

Mark ignored her for a few seconds, needing to assert all efforts on standing that dumb toy up. Once successful, Mark turns to her, “Do you play doctors?”

Mark was then met with the same lack on enthusiasm. She hums, “I like playing baker doctor.”

All at once, Mark gasps, “ME TOO!”

It was unbeknownst to the children it was oddly specific and the chance of this happening was pretty slim.

And in a blink of an eye, excited giggles erupt in the room, as if they had been having so much fun before this scene. It was here and there the two would become best friends to the very end.

... so I guess it means the reckoning is upon us.

“MARK LEE I SWEAR TO THE FU--” “WHAT! WHAT!?” Mark laughs.

"YOU ATE MY BAGEL! AGAIN!" I growl in a loud whisper, throwing the wrapper at him and his flat head before he could think to dodge it while he annoyingly laughs.

"I asked if I could have it though!" he says, fully knowing his sins.

I glared at him and say lowly, "I thought you were referring to my notes, bread for brains."

Mark snorts loud enough for our teacher to wake up from his nap. Once the class notices, we all pretend to be doing something productive and Mark plays it off with a cough.

"Mr. Lee." Mr. Kim says sternly, clicking his tongue, blinking his eyes rapidly.

Mark finishes coughing and turns to our seated professor, "Yes sir."

"Don't go to school if you're sick and going to cause a racket with your coughing."

Mark nods firmly and Mr. Kim closes his eyes again, mumbling, "page 65 is due tomorrow."

The entire class grumbles. Mark beside me scoffs and makes a face, "Yeah, yeah, Doyoung."

I turn to him and elbow his side.

"Whatever," Mark shakes his head, "professor bunny-teeth won't hear me."

Once class ended, we both get our things and head out for lunch. We walk to our canteen, fussing over assignments, deciding we should do it together later in our mutually free period.

I groan and narow your eyes at him as we have an argument over how he hasn't finished the essay for English, "That's not the point."

"Yo Mark!" a voice calls from afar. Mark and I turn, looking for the voice, and I spot the dimpled senior, Jung Jaehyun, in a table with the rest of his squad.

I nudge Mark and point at the pale guy seated by the corner.

Mark throws him a smile and waves. I follow closely behind him as he walks over to the table. "We're going to sit with them?" I say in some sort of gasp.

"Yeah." Mark replies simply, not bothering to turn to me, "they're cool."

I knit my brows at that and nod, "Yeah I know. But I'm not cute today."

Mark stops in his tracks and throws me a confused look, "what?"

"I didn't put any make-up on today, also I'm pretty sure there's a visible stain somewhere on my jacket, I just don't remember where."

Mark scrunches his face up again, even more confused. "What? How do you... forget a stai-- that's not the point. Why do you wanna look cute today?" He scoffs and continues lowly, "hardly as if you ever look cute."

I let out an annoyed groan and punch Mark's shoulder. "Like when you panicked when Seulgi came over and asked for notes."

Mark openes his mouth, "That is so not the same! Jaehyun's a fuck bo-"

"Just shut up already," I snap and shove him forward so he'd continue walking. "Let's not keep him waiting," I add and mumble, "also I know. Dong Sicheng however is very cute."

Mark chuckles, "he's dated every girl on the dance team."

"Okay, maybe not that cute."

"Ya, Mark," Jaehyun grins and greets the said person with a high-five and chest bump. He turns to me and speaks my name with a smile. I smile back politely and wave.

I'm about to sit next to Sicheng, but Mark shoves me and so I end up sitting on the other side of the bench table with Jaehyun. I turn to Jaehyun with a small, non-awkward smile and shoot Mark a glare. He seems unbothered though.

"So, you up for a round later?" Jaehyun asks Mark.

Mark talks over me, "you know it, dude."

Jaehyun flashes his dimple smile all the stupid girls fall for. I'm only half falling for it cause I'm only half stupid. He raises his brows, "you bought the dough, right?"

This makes me knit my brows.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really did this time," Mark mumbles quickly. "It's my turn anyway."

Jaehyun gives an off look, "that's literally what you said last time bro."

"Yo, no for real. It's in my bag, if you wanna check."

Jaehyun shakes his head when Mark begins to scramble for it, "no, Lee, it's good. We wouldn't want you friend to get dirty."

Is it just me or do you feel slimey all of a sudden?

Jaehyun then gives me a somewhat, somehow sincere smile, "so. I hear you're in fashion design."

I give a soft chuckle, "yeah. That's me."

"I could tell from a mile away. Mark looks horrible next to your getup."

I look down at my sweater and ripped jeans. Mark exclaims in protest, "shut the hell up, Jae."

I give a soft smile at Jaehyun, "don't know where that comes from but thanks I guess."

Jaehyun chuckles, "I'm kidding," he eyes Mark, "I saw your Fashion Design pin on your bag when you sat down."

"Oooohhhh, haha, okay, that makes sense."

"Ya, Jeff," Sicheng calls for Jaehyun, "it's almost time."

Jaehyun turns to his friend and nods. He turns back to me and Mark, "well, it's nice to meet you. Mark won't put a sock in it even if I beg. See you around, fashionista."

He stands and slaps Mark's back, "see ya later, broski."

"Yeah, bruh," Mark replies.

Once it's just Mark and I, I snap at him and blurt out in a whisper yell, "YOU'RE ON BROSKI LEVEL WITH JUNG JAEHYUN?!"

Mark gives me a weird face, "bruh, I think he calls the principal broski, for real."

I smack Mark, making him whine, "you know what I'm talking about, Mark! And what, are you doing drugs?!?"

He shakes his head in confusion, "Wait, what!? Who the hell told you that?"

"Uhhhhh you were talking about dough and showing up later. Sounds like you owe him money for drugs, Mark."

"??? In what universe did we even mention drugs?? Does this," he slaps his face, "look like a face of a drug addict to you?"

"A gullible idiot maybe."

Mark's jaw drops, "oh wow, okay. I'm done with this conversation." He proceeds to stand attempt to walk away. I scoff, "not on my watch bitch."

Like the true idiot that he is, Mark begins to legit run away from me, like a criminal who stole my cookies. It's embarrassing that he, a man much taller than I, could not even outrun me. I suppose I should be grateful, but this just fortifies my thoughts of him being an idiot even more.

But okay... I wasn't actually expecting this... like... Mark and Jaehyun... like... actually baking bread after school with dough Mark premade at home. Also, uh, Jaehyun looks super cute in an apron that I'm having a mental breakdown. And what's new, so does Mark.

"I can't believe you thought I was a drug dealer," Jaehyun says in a soft pout as he rolls out dough on the marble counter of his friggin large kitchen in his friggin large house. Like dang, I knew he was rich, but he's like Rich™ Rich. Rich with a golden diamond encrusted Rolex watch rich that's in a glass display rich-- wtf.

Mark wheezes in his telltale high pitched laugh as he opens a pack of unsweetened chocolate pellets, "she thought dough was some sort of metaphor or something."

"Cute," they say at the same time. Mark turns to Jaehyun in slight surprise and Jaehyun turns to me. I roll my eyes, though I feel my neck burn. I avert my attention to the scene I was sketching on my pad, Jaehyun and Mark baking croissants. I clear my throat, "I'm just making use of the single braincell between us, cause if he doesn't die falling down the stairs, he's gonna pull some idiotic stuff like baking with Jung Jaehyun."

Oddly, it's Mark that reacts to that with a, "hey!"

Jaehyun rubs his chin on his shoulder, "I also can't believe you think so little of me.'

I break a sweat but decide to answer honestly, "... ... ... You have a reputation."

"Of being a fuck boy?"

Mark loudly transfers the chocolates into a metal bowl, making the two of us snap at him. Mark makes a face, "oh gosh, sorry."

Jaehyun sighs, "well. I admit I get around, but that's only because I get dumped every time."

I raise a brow.

Jaehyun purses his lips, "nah, let's not make this weird. The croissants will be flat."

"Dude," Mark turns to him, "that's literally only because you messed up the recipe."

Jaehyun grits his teeth, "no. It's because Kun's a little teacher's pet and sabotaged me so he could get the best grade."

"No, but like Kun is really nice, he helped me with the fold techinique."

Jaehyun scoffs, "He stole me vanilla extract, Mark. Who does that?!"

"No, listen, he's cool, like, for real--"

"No, you listen, he's a little shit and--"

The two begin to bicker like a married couple, and I begin to draw inspiration form the scene to design some random sketches of wedding dresses.

I look back to the two and still can't get over the fact that I learned Jaehyun was a culinary arts major with my best friend, and that I was currently in the Jung's boojie home because I thought Mark was buying drugs from him. Not what I was expecting at all my day to go like, but I'm not mad this is how it went.

"No, no, no, no," Jaehyun says. He turns to me and points, "let's just get an outside opinion. Babe, what's your favorite color?"

"BABE?!" Mark barks.

I take a moment to reply. I blink slowly, "uhh... pink?"

Jaehyun bites his lower lip and claps his flour covered hands, "Right. Pink croissants it is."

Mark shoots him a glare and turns to me, back to Jaehyun, "she has a name."

Jaehyun nods, "yeah, and she wants pink croissants."

Mark makes a face and Jaehyun examines it, chuckling under his breath. "Wah, you two are something, huh."

No one really responds.

We began to always eat lunch with Jaehyun and his friends. It's funny cause I realized Jaehyun, although I still firmly believed he was out to get nasty with every other girl he sees, he was actually just like Mark. A total loser with a love for cooking.

"Hey," Mark says with a snippy tone.

I give him a look and suddenly receive a paper bag to my face. Mark sits on his chair next to me, as per usual. I smell the thing before I realize what it is. It's a freshly baked bagel. I perk up and smile, "Aw, you baked me a bagel?"

Mark raises his upper lip, "no. Jaehyun did."

I knit my brows, "what? Why?"

Mark narrows his brows, "do you, like, like him?"

I give him a look. I take a bite of the bagel, making Mark look at me in disbelief. I answer, "You do know I only hang with him cause you do, right?"

"Then why'd you eat the bagel then?"

"Uh, a number of reasons. 1) it's a bagel, 2) free food, 3) I'm starving, 4) it smells amazingggg."

Mark does a face, "fair. I've been meaning to ask how he does his seasoning for a while now too." He releases a breath, "and anyway, I'm pretty sure he made a bagel cause I told him you liked them. Never talking about you to him anymore though."

I look at him, "why do you talk about me so much to him anyway?"

"Uh because you're amazing," Mark says instinctively.

I feel my heart skip at that. I coo and place my hands on my chest, "wait that's really sweet."

Mark looks at me. His face begin to shift, "too bad it's a lie- haha."

I give him a look and rebut, "jerk."

"Loser."

As quickly as I found out about Jaehyun being Mark's friend, that's about as quickly as I found out he didn't like hanging out with him anymore. It's kind of a shame I never got to go back to his boojie house.

There was this one encounter I had with Jaehyun though... which was a little weird, not gonna lie.

He was waiting for me outside my Tailoring class, smiling and waving when he saw me. I Reluctantly reciprocated and walked over to him.

He releases a breath, "I've been waiting for about 20 minutes for you. I didn't know when your class would end."

I raise my brows, "you could have asked?"

"Well I would need your number for that, and that would have ruined the surprise," he pulled out a brown paper bag, reminiscing the same one Mark chucked at my face.

"I made you two this time," he smiles.

I take a moment to reply, "you don't have to make me bagels, Jaehyun."

He grabs my hand, "yeah, but I want something out of ya," he places the bagels in my hand. He proceeds to lead us off and we begin to walk down the hall.

Truth be told, it's a little scary that his ulterior motive is up in the air. Jaehyun places his hands in his pockets, "I like your dress, by the way."

I smile, "thanks. I made it."

He smiles and nods, "right. That makes sense as to why it suits you well."

I can't help but blush at that, and simultaneously feel conscious when I realize a bunch of girls in my course are looking at me and Jaehyun as we strut down the hall.

"So, what did you want, Jaehyun?"

"Well, I clearly wanted to ask you out."

"..."

"..."

Jaehyun smiles and give a soft laugh, "is it so ground breaking?"

"... Uh..."

He sniggers, "hey, you can say no. I mean I hope you don't but you can." Jaehyun leans in and raises his hands, "I won't like it, but a man should take rejection from a lady well."

I turn to him as he straightens up. I turn to the bagels he made me and bring it back to him. He laughs, "no, I made them for you really. It's not poisoned, in fact it's made with love."

I visibly react to that, which makes Jaehyun wheeze. I can't help but laugh back, "that was hella tacky."

"Worth a shot though," he says. "Good luck with Mark."

I look at him with silence and he chuckles, "ya, you can't fool me."

I'm about to retort but then Jaehyun gets called by one of the frats dudes I identify as Johnny Seo. Jaehyun does a curtsy and clicks his tongue, "see ya later babez."

"You know, I would have said yes if you didn't do stuff like that."

Jaehyun purses his lips, "no you wouldn't."

I shrug, "worth a shot though."

Jaehyun places a hand on his chest, dramatically calling, "Uh, rejection hurts, man."

Yeah, I never went to Jaehyun's boojie house ever again.

Silver lining though was Mark's dorm smelled equally as nice because of all the food he cooks, although it came with a whiff of axe body spray from his roommate, Lucas. It's cool though, he was almost never around for me to smell it in its whole intensity.

"Aite," Mark calls from his side of the dorm. I perk up from the two seater dining table they had and turn to Mark who was covering the cake he was making for his finals.

"Don't, like, peek, okay. I want you to see the cake all at once and give me your honest reaction to it. Please, like, all my lives kinda depend on it."

"How many lives do you have?"

"9, I'm pretty sure."

I stand from my seat, "not you faking your life as a cat, but get it I guess."

Mark raises a hand at me as I walk over, "can you not, I'm high-key panicking right now."

"Over what? You literally made a box of donuts for your midterms and it looked better than Misty Mreme! I'm sure your cake is hot."

"It was in the minifridge for a day. I mean it barely fit cause of all of Lucas' mountain dew."

I groan, "just show me it, Mark Lee!"

Mark whined and dashes over to me, grabbing my shoulders, "okay, but like, don't be mean about it. I swear, I might cry."

I give a sound and fake cough, "it's ugly."

Mark doesn't respond to that particular jab, "I'm serioussss. Please be kind, okay?"

I look at Mark's nervous face and give a soft pout, "Markie, please, not that I think it would be ugly, but I promise you don't have to be nervous about my reaction."

He isn't soothed by that, but he does release a sigh, "okay. So for context, Mr. Moon wanted the cake to be one or two tiers, but I went with one, cause there aint no way I'm going to the other side of the campus to freeze a two tiered cake. Then, the theme was something from your childhood, so, I, uh, thought this was fitting. The exam is 60 percent decoration, 40 percent taste by the way."

Mark gives me a hesitant look, but steps way for me to see it. I then see a heart shaped, medium sized cake in my favorite pastel pink color. By the top there's a little boy on the floor playing with a toy oven set and little girl in a bumble bee dress, holding a stethoscope. At the bottom of the cake, there were jelly letters spelling out, "I like you."

I cup my cheeks at the sight of it and feel my eyes start to well at the sentiment.

Wait... was this really happening?

Mark heaves in and out, "okay, so like when Jaehyun began to like hit on you, that sucked pretty hard because he's known for getting girls and I thought maybe he'd get you too and I got panicky. Anyway, I....... have liked you since we were kids... And... I know you probably don't feel the same way but I have to try, you know.... Yolo."

My feel my tears retract from what I hear. I rub my eyes. I turn to Mark and find his nervous face. "Did you just say yolo in your confession, Mark?"

He looks like he's about to throw up.

I can't help but chuckle and pout, "dude..."

I prolong the moment. Mark gets even more nervous as he repeats softly, "dude..."

"We could have dated in grade school all this time."

It takes a moment to register in his head.

Like, a really long moment.

I sigh, "Mark! I like you too, dummy."

He freezes and blinks. His face begins to burn. He breaks into a soft smile, "nice."

I break into a laugh.

"... Uh... So... Can I like... Kiss you?"

I snort and feel my own cheeks begin to burn, "I think you should refrigerate your cake first."

Mark snaps out of this trance, "oh shoot, you-" I give him a quick peck on the lips.

He is dumbfounded.

I feel butterflies go wild in my stomach.

"I'll wait over there for when you've fixed that."

Mark watches as I walk away, "yooo.... That's not fair though."

[lordymaru]

I'm about to refute this entire essay with the simple explanation being:

The only interaction we've seen of these two is when she's a freaking 8 year old. Your self insert shows no boundaries.

And this is probably the last time I'll make a post about the stupidity behind the way the pair is viewed:

Note: I know there's people out there with a brain who ship these two in a more conventional way. In the end you do you, ship whatever you want, no one can prevent you from doing that, just don't be gross about it.

One of the parts being the Significance of their first encounter:

She’s a poor peasant girl who’s suffered immense trauma, suffering, and loneliness. Her initiative to help Sesshomaru came from her generosity

Exactly, she's alone for her family had been killed before her eyes, the villagers treat her like garbage. When she meets Sess he's wounded and simply in a bad state, both mentally and physically. Both of them are, the difference being he's a demon, a powerful one and for him to have ended in such a bad shape only stabbed at his pride- Rin on the other hand is a child, a human tiny child who is vulnerable and to him she poses no threat. Both of them are weak then.

At this point, it’s observable that despite knowing her story, her scars, and her difficulties, humans do not even empathize, let alone sympathize with Rin. It is the feudal era, after all. She’s a young, disabled orphan and the villagers only see her for what she lacks: a voice, a family, and a place of belonging.

Again with your feudal era shit. I can assure you the world is just as ugly today as it was before you and I existed. Next.

When he asks about her bruises, this is the first time anyone had ever afforded her a second glance.

This was a huge step forward for Sess, a huuuuuuge one for he showed interest in another living creature, not just any creature but a human. And for her it was probably like Christmas, for no one had showed her any mercy or interest. Ok you get a point. But oh, boy, how I'm about to spit on the next one:

The audience can see Sesshomaru calculate her body language, recognizing that she is mute. Instead of pressing her further or ignoring her outright, he attempts to comfort her (in his own way), making her feel that it is okay if she chooses not to answer him; that her desire to reply to him should only be a desire, not an obligation. I think, on one hand, that was the first moment of something that would resemble compassion that Sesshomaru had ever administered, trying to put himself in her shoes — if someone had asked him to do something that required, for example, his left arm, he probably would have appreciated them saying “you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to” so to provide him agency for something that he actually cannot do. And the same goes for Rin. He recognizes her disability, maybe even resonates with it and decides to empower her with a choice. Choice is important when it comes to the Sesshomaru/Rin dynamic and it’s a word that will come up often. 

Ok why are you comparing the loss of his arm to her not being able to talk? Not all disabilities are the same, you moron. Or am I dumb for thinking this way? If so, feel free to call me out on my lack of common sense kr whatever you wanna call it. Sess physically couldn't do shit with his left arm because well- it was gone! That's a physical disability. Rin had "lost" her voice after what she witnessed and so she wouldn't speak anymore. Have you heard of Psychogenic Dysphonia? If not, you can click here and give it a reading or do your own research. The more you know: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0892199703000158

So you say he "empowers her with a choice" that is "important when it comes to the Sesshomaru/Rin dynamic" let me get this straight, a choice because why? She's a child? A female? Because you said so yourself, it's the Feudal Era after all and therefore women had no choice in life, no voice, no agency, no nothing. So he was being magnanimous then? You know... This is where you start edging into the gr00ming territory. Can't you see? No? Alright, moving on.

BRUH WHAT THE FUCK?! Are you fucking good? See how you self insert? Bye. Next

The next time Sesshomaru sees Rin, it is suggested that he actively sought her, whether it be by curiosity or concern for well-being

He did... It is not suggested, he actually did asdfhkl. For both curiosity and he probably was worried. He also states he wants to test out his sword, what a perfect chance to do so for Rin is pretty much dead and that's the only way to make his sword work. So she was both being a guinea pig and an itch he wasn't quite sure how to scratch. Next.

Silence Rin.

Rin screams endlessly, annoying Sesshomaru. Firstly, this is the first time we hear him call her by her name. Secondly, Sesshomaru is visibly annoyed by her noises, however, he does not tell her to “shut up” as he normally would with Jaken or even InuYasha. He simply says “enough of that Rin, stop it.” (In Japanese he says, “Silence, Rin. You make too much noise.”) Even analyzing the Japanese dialogue, it is evidently softer than Sesshomaru’s usual ‘kisama’ (貴樣) manner of speech that we see depicted usually. This is the first time he’s had a companion who is not a demon, someone with compassion, and who has had his general best interests at heart with no expectations in return. His softer tone is a logical deduction to make.

Ok... "someone with compassion, and who has had his general best interests at heart with no expectations in return." Bruh... As if he would even consider meeting someone's expectations. Are you sure you're talking about Sess? Another thing is, he always speaks in a calm tone, he rarely yells or loses his composure- he had no reason to be rude to her either, you're excusing his regular behavior simply because she ain't Jaken. Anything else?

Rin doesn't change Sesshomaru overnight, it's a gradual and long process

Well duh!!! Just like you don't lose the pounds you gained from eating in one sit 12 donuts a week ago. Stating the obvious and for what? What's exactly your mf point?

The silence part is important, idk how to tell you there is a power imbalance in their relationship from the moment he tells her to be quiet. He didn't say please, he didn't ask her to, he told her to be quiet. Like a parent would, if I could count the times my mom told me to shush.... That's your first indicator he is not her friend, he is not her equal.

Letting you Be Yourself: The Panther Demon Arc

the first frame the audience sees in the anime sets the scene, painting the Sessshomaru entourage in a serene manner, indicating a level of comfort between group members (episode 75). This is vastly different from our last depiction of Sesshomaru and Rin’s relationship. In episode 44, he was unable to withstand her (albeit annoying) childish antics. But here, it’s observable that Sesshomaru can accept her and her package of unconventional fun. Not only does he tolerate and even more so, accept Rin, but he accepts her influence on his vassal, Jaken and allows them to be free around him.

Is called developing patience. I can assure you that when you're a parent or an older bro/sis and your kid/younger sibling is noisy af you either learn to tolerate that or get used to it for kids are kids abd you have to let them be kids. Next.

She's a child, she's not stupid.

The Abducted Rin: Calling her Name

The respect that Sesshomaru shows Rin is insurmountable. However, the InuYasha franchise is clever to portray the subtlety of Sesshomaru’s respect for her. KV on Twitter points out how highly he regards his companion and never relegates her to anything less than the value that she as a person embodies (@KVndie via Twitter). He consistently humanizes her. 

He only sees how important she is to him after her ass dies a second time. What do you mean? He respects her enough to not coddle her, she is independent and taught her to be self sufficient from the very start. That's respect. He consistently humanizes her because... She ... Is ... Human! OMG WHAT A SHOCKER!

As Naraku remarks on his hostage to Sesshomaru, "Naturally, the girl you're looking for is not here…,” he continues, “the girl is in custody outside of the castle..." Naraku never makes an attempt to give her personhood, leaving her unnamed, disposable, and relegating her to a mere "girl." But Sesshomaru doesn’t take any of this. He is a cold-hearted Daiyokai, yet he still makes an effort and upholds his principle to refer to her as Rin — not a replaceable “girl.”

Naraku is a mf genius. It didn't quite click until now he wanted to see if she was important or not to him and to what extent. For he planned his moves that way, making people turn against one another. While he wouldn't have made Rin turn against Sess he set everything up so he would end up wanting to kill Kohaku and in doing so, Inugang would have engaged against Sess.

Sesshomaru’s insistence on using Rin’s name isn’t only highlighted in this isolated incident though. It pays off. It is an ongoing theme in their dynamic throughout the series.

That's her name ... How you want him to call her? Baby?

I could go on and on but... This is a fucking essay. And then I stumble against more bullcrap:

The second point I want to highlight here is Sesshomaru’s reaction to Rin’s fall and her risky expedition. At this point, it’s unquestionable that Rin has a special place in his heart.

Of course she has a special spot in his heart. I won't deny that. What worries me is how you're trying to justify the way she's important to him since she was a child. As if his way of seeing her had changed.

I'm gonna disagree by agreeing with you in a few pointers. Kagome and Kikyo were rivals, they both romantically love the same guy. Kagome being the only one who could save Kikyo chooses to help her, knowing damn well Inuyasha would have suffered if Kikyo had died- further more, if it was in Kagome's hands to do something about it.

Rin on the other hand, I will applaud to her how she grew past her fear of Kagura after being kidnapped by her, she saw her body in the river and said fuck it and did her best to try to pull her from the water. I loved how stubborn and brave she was, even tho Sess had to pull everyone out of the water- she deserves a gold star. You go baby girl!!!

Rin later makes a cheeky comment, noting Kagura’s romantic interest in Sesshomaru. Jaken brushes this off as childish naivety. But for the spectator, this establishes two things: (1) That Rin does not see Kagura as a rival for Lord Sesshomaru’s attention, let alone affection; and (2) that Rin is still a child. Rin is certainly a child, with a youthful and fresh outlook on life that brings out the best in people. But even as a child, her relationship with Sesshomaru is incredibly healthy, clear, and surprisingly communicative.

Why would she? She's not a spoiled brat

Nah? I thought her double D indicated otherwise. OF COURSE SHE'S A MF CHILD.

Why do you keep mentioning is healthy? Do you need reassurance of it? Communicative in what way? Cuz if you wanna talk about communication let's talk about how he didn't even acknowledge her ass when she gave birth. He didn't even say her name, didn't even look at her. Tell me now how they are communicative and healthy?

I could go on, I really but all I'm getting from this load of bullshit I'm forcing myself to read is how you do in fact need to reassure yourself thr ship is god tier and is... How you said it was? Ah, healthy.

Anyways, thanks for reading and if you see any typo ... My apologies, I tried. Also if you have any input or I was out of line in some way, my apologies once more.

[lexirooackerman]

Titan nightmare (3)

Pt. 2 Classroom rumble

"Ha! I told you mickey! were not gonna be late this time ! hahaha"

"did you brush your teeth?"

"ofcourse i did! am i kid who needs supervision so he could brush his teeth?"

"wait. do I smell bad?" *smells his breath*

"no. I'm just asking."

eren sees armin heading to their classroom so he runs like a happy dog.

"hey bruh!"

"hey! did you finish it this time?"

"nope not yet. But I had another dream last night. It was dope but I need more time to write it. "

"bruh you have a cool computer and all why dont you just type it down?"

"what is it" mikasa finally catches up.

Eren and Armin looks at each other. They will never tell Mikasa about their cool ideas. Never. Not unless they get famous from it.

"nothing, mickey." Eren smiles convincingly.

Eren sees mikasa's reaction and he is not satisfied. He thinks that Mikasa is offended because the three of them sworn to be bestfriends til death do they part.

"hey. Don't be sad mikasa. Eren and I will tell you at the right time."

Mikasa's reaction is as usual. A blank and serious face. Everyone knows she only smiles when Eren makes her smile or ... when Levi gets pissed of from whatever reason it may be.

---

*kriiiing krrrriiiing*

Bell rings.

Levi comes in. Everyone shuts their mouth and proceeds to their designated seats without him instructing them. No other teacher can do that to their students but Levi.

"Hey class. I want you to know that all of you failed yesterday."

"that's impossible!" Mikasa exclaims as she stands up from her seat. She gets really mad and doesn't care whether her brother reacts to it.

both Eren and Armin are shocked.

"Mikasa please don't shout at your bro---" Armin couldn't finish his sentece because now mikasa is staring at him with an angry face. He gets really scared of her whenever she's mad.

"I can't fail everyone and pass only my sister. So you better sit down you, brat."

"So it means Miss Ackerman passed,sir?"

" Yes. And as usual, you failed again Mr. Jaeger."

"But sir, how bout me?" -armin

"You didn't pass. Your essay is too long."

Eren's POV :

sht. Is he just making fun of us? Why didn't he pass Armin and Mickey. I don't get it. Mikasa is her sister and he knows she deserves it same as with armin. Mikasa looks like she's finally gonna punch her brother in the face and Armin is teary-eyed and trembling. The world is cruel. I hate this. What should I do?

"Eren." connie whispers to Eren's ear.

"Look. Sasha and I passed. It's a miracle."

Eren's face lights up when he sees everyone actually passed and Levi's just b*tchin as usual.

The whole classroom makes a loud noise as they celebrate their victory over the hell week. They never thought they would ever pass their subject with Mr. Ackerman. Although the school year is just starting and it's their first ever exam given by what they thought the most toxic teacher to ever exist. Ackerman is their physics teacher *

"Thank you sir!" - sasha and connie

"Hey, Jean. You look sad. what's the matter?" -eren approaches jean. theyre seatmates.

"uhm. Matter is anything that occupies space and has mass."

"HAHAHAHAHAHA dude we don't need that anymore! exams are done!"

Eren's laugh adds to the already loud noise that's happening inside the class.

meanwhile, Mikasa is still mad and refuses to look at her exam paper. Armin sees her disappointment and asks her if she's okay.

"Mikasa. Are you okay?you should check out what your brother wrote.Your brother left a short message on each of our test papers"

Mikasa looks at Armin. "I'll check it later."

Everyone is still celebrating and Levi is just allowing them to do whatever they want because he thinks they're too exhausted from last week's exams.

"look at him. He's a devil." Mikasa tells Armin

"Mikasa don't be so mean. Are you not happy that sir Levi considered everyone's answer and passed us?"

"I'll never forgive him for kicking Eren."

"mmikasa. That was a long time ago. You should have forgiven him already. afterall, he did that because he was protecting you."

"huh? He did that to hurt my Eren."

[saraa-lancee]

Bruh I never said it was a private post, I asked you NOT to come on my post about me being happy and CALL ME FUCKING NAMES. "You know how this works" oh, so you're patronizing and an asshole! Yes, as a full grown adult who had been here for years, I know how this website works. I was HOPING FOR BASIC DECENCY on my obviously emotion filled hasty post that was me just expressing happiness! I didn't think I'd have to provide cited context to a simple statement about loving SARA LANCE!! MY URL AND CURRENT SPECIAL INTEREST!

You literally resulted to name-calling immediately when I disagreed with you? Are you fucking 12 years old holy SHIT! Though I don't think I've actually ever been called a dingbat specifically,.so that's kinda fun.

Like, calling what I said absurd and not worth reading is not the approach lmao. "You're wrong, you're absurd, I'm right, I'm going to assert my opinion again, basically."

"I don't care what else you said" OBVIOUSLY BECAUSE YOURE STILL NOT COMPREHENDING WHAT IM SAYING!! NONE OF IT!!

Im... not going to respond to this really,(in the points you said about Mick and Ava). I disagree with what you're saying. ITS OKAY TO DISAGREE. But it's OBVIOUS YOU DONT WANT AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION, you want to start an argument by shooting out of no where and using that tone (it feels patronizing and malicious to me.)

I have feelings about both mick and ava as characters and would be happy to discuss them (would love to! I LOVE CHARACRER ANALYSIS). But it's clear you just want to put me down instead if explain why you feel that way/having a conversation.

"I hate characters worthless ass, but that doesn't make me malicious". Are you.sure?! Are you.sure none of what you just wrote wasnt... yeah whatever okay. (Also was talking about the GENERAL MALICIOUSNESS OF THE ANTI-AVA PART OF THE FANDOM. Just because you dislike a character doesn't mean you should be so vitriolic towards them?).

(Lmao I honestly just didn't think I'd have to provide a full recap of all my emotions and beliefs and interpretations of every character who could be involved in every single post!)

(Caps lock in my attempt to do an integrated TL/Dr)

I really don't like starting shit in Fandom but COME ON!! I just want to be happy!! I just want to express that feeling!! When I see a post I don't agree with in Fandom I just.. keep scrolling?

(I see on your blog you don't seem to shop Avalance, but that doesn't mean Saras being treated like shit because she's not apart of whatever ideal you had. (I could lecture an essay about Mick, not only as a character but in a meta sense because patterns. I'd be happy to talk about that if you want to! I just prefer civility in that kind of conversation!)

I just... this episode felt like such a love letter to Sara Lance.

Especially in all the ways that honestly felt kind of missing or shallow in season5 (and even a little in season 4 honestly...) And I could expand on this but it's late yet I need to express this emotion, at least a little.

That beautiful stubbornness and conviction. Not only the I'm Going To Propose On My Own Terms And My Own Way but also just refusing to die, refusing to give up. When Bishop keeps coming back she keeps getting up and beating the shit out of him.

That constant fear of not being good enough, being nervous because when she proposes Ava is going to say yes but what if Ava still deserves "better", what if Sara isn't good enough?

Some very very incredible fight scenes. Sara is a warrior, and very strong and incredibly talented. She deserves to be that warrior again.

I dont know, I felt like so many big things happened in season 5 that were never completely addressed and even the 'Sara Things' (her literal blindness, for example) weren't about Sara.

This episode feels like it's about Sara. I don't know if that makes any sense but I just... that's the only way I can think to say it.

The interactions with Ava at the end also just made me feel so... warm. When they first embraced and all that....