#i didn't talk about the stress/growth things but like. yeah it's there. it works

[kirihoon]

READER WHO CRIES WHEN THEY'RE NOT TAKEN SERIOUSLY like katsuki chuckling at reader getting annoyed/upset at something he did and they cryyy 🥺

This is my first ask! omg, so exciting. I'll try my best.

Bakugou Katsuki laughing at you.

You've had an awful day. In fact, you've been having a lot of awful days lately. You just got a job after years of working your ass off at uni. You were so excited. It's your first job! Your first step into the real world! Yeah, you really set yourself up for disappointment.

Since you were new, no one cared for what you had to say. They would dismiss you or act like you didn't exist. Who cares about your opinion on the project? Who would give a shit about your ideas for improvement? Just go get us some coffee, newbie.

You were heartbroken to say the least. It's been about a month of this and you were running out of optimism. You kept looking for silver linings when they finally turned gray.

As you enter the apartment you share with your boyfriend, you sigh. Taking off your shoes and sitting at the coffee table. You open your laptop and look at the new design for the building that your team was trying to get approved.

Despite the shit you go through, you can't help but love your job. You've always had a passion for architecture and design. You could envision it in your eyes and the endless ideas float in your mind.

"Hey, brat, you seem busy." you don't even notice Katsuki enter the apartment. He stands there in casual clothes with hair slightly wet. He probably showered at the agency.

"Hi, Kats. It's just stuff for work." You try to say nonchalantly but the stress of work was weighing down on you. You haven't told Katsuki any of this because he was so proud of you for getting the job! You can't disappoint him!

"Yeah? Are you okay? You seem down." you sigh and muster up a smile.

"Of course I am, honey." You could see that he definitely does not believe it. He can read you too well. You look at him with pleading eyes and he takes the hint. Dropping the subject.

He sits by you and looks at your laptop, "What's that?"

You know what he's trying to do and you appreciate it. He knows how much you love to talk about what you do, it never fails to put a smile on your face.

"Oh! Let me tell you all about it!" You start talking about the project and there's a sparkle in your eyes as you recount all the ideas you have.

Suddenly, you hear it. Laughing. Katsuki's laughing. Directed at you.

Your heart breaks and you stop talking. Afraid your voice will crack if you do. You're frozen in your spot as your heart races and the world starts to cave in. You have a flashback to your coworkers. All of them laughing at you trying to give your ideas and present your work.

Tears well up in your eyes and your lip quivers. You can't even bother looking at him. Nobody takes you seriously. Not even him.

Were your ideas really that shitty? Shitty enough that even your boyfriend finds it laughable?

You close your laptop and abruptly stand up. You run to the bathroom still clutching your laptop to your chest. You lock it and crouch down to sob some more.

"Y/N! Baby, what's going on? What's the matter?" You hear Katsuki's shaky voice. He's panicking. You know he is. But you sob even more.

Katsuki follows you. Now there's only a door separating you.

"Baby, please, tell me what's going on. Are you hurt?" he starts asking a lot of questions. Questions that you don't have it in you to answer yet.

"Damn it, Y/n! Open the door! Please!" despite your on-going breakdown, you still appreciate Katsuki's patience. You know what he really wants to do is to blast the door away. He's had a lot of growth since you two started dating. Both of you have. You try to calm down as you recall that one of the things that made your relationship as strong as it is today is the promise of communication.

"J-just. Give me.. please, uh give me some time?" you stutter out in between sobs. Meanwhile, Katsuki sighs. There still panic in his eyes and deep worry etched on his face but at least you responded.

"Okay, I'm right out here." he sat down leaning his back against the door. He thinks about what could possible have happened.

After almost a half hour, you emerge. Katsuki is quick to stand and look at you, scanning if there are any physical injuries. He's just about to ask you again if you're okay but he's frozen. His heart aches at the redness of your puffy eyes and tear streaks down your face.

You both stand in silence. Him due to concern meanwhile you due to shame. Shame of your sudden outburst. Shame of your ideas. Shame of your shitty job. and finally, shame that even your boyfriend doesn't seem to think you're capable.

He's a hero for fuck's sake, he saves people for a living. You can't even do your office job right and here you are throwing a tantrum.

You can't help the shakiness of your voice as you finally break the deafening silence. "Do you- do.." you take a moment to try to compose yourself. "Are my ideas really that pathetic?". You look at him as tears reappear in your eyes.

Katsuki looks at you confused, he tilts his head and his eyebrows scrunch. "What?" He's wiping away the tears before he can even think about it. He caresses your cheeks as he steps closer. "What are you saying, baby? What's wrong?"

You look down and lean away from his hands. "You- you laughed. Why?" A million thoughts race in your mind. Did he finally see that you're not competent enough for a hero like him? Is he gonna break up with you? Maybe your coworkers were right about you.

Now, Katsuki's even more confused, trying to recall when he laughed. Finally he recalls the moment right before you stormed off. His gaze softens and he takes your hand in his.

"Honey, no, I wasn't laughing." Your sadness turns into anger at his words. "You're lying! I heard you! You can't gaslight your way out of this. If you have something to say, just say it!" You were shaking at this points. You didn't actually mean it. In fact, you didn't want to hear what he had to say. You weren't sure you could handle it.

"I chuckled." Now it's your turn to look confused. "Yeah, that's the fucking issue, Katsuki."

"No, no, you don't understand. I didn't laugh, i chuckled. Heck, it was even closer to a giggle." You looked at him as if he was talking nonsense. and in your mind, it really didn't make any sense.

"You were so excited, talking about your project. I always love it when you do. You're so damn passionate and determined - it's one of the reasons I liked you in the first place. You were different from the other extras." you can't stop the hint of a smile that appears on your lips which he immediately notices. He visibly relaxes a bit and smirks.

The smirk changes into a smile as he says the following "I was so proud. You were adorable as you work on your dream job. I couldn't help but smile. Apparently not only smile but also chuckle."

"Honey, I wasn't making fun of you. I promise."

Your anger dissipates and your sadness reemerges. Tears stream down your face as you hug Katsuki. You sob while venting about work, and how you feel, the imposter syndrome, just everything. He listens and rocks you back and forth trying to soothe you. He kissed the top of your head. He's never been good with words, so he does what he can do to show that he's here for you. His first instinct was actually to get mad at your coworkers and boss, but he knows now is not the time. His baby needs him. He carries you bridal style to your bedroom as you continue to cry and recount your shitty month. He orders some food and puts on your favorite movie and he hugs and kisses you, offering you a few encouraging words.

Weeks later he tells you to quit your job. He pulled some strings and now you're working on a brand new building. All from scratch. An amazing and high-tech building for the newly formed DynaRiot Agency. You both celebrate and you go to work as soon as you can. After all, DynaMight only settles for the best.

yeah, idk anything abt architecture, im sorry. not proofread. umm, hope you like it! im not rly good with the comfort thing so this is the best i could do haha. weird ending i know.

[insteading]

So, I'm newish to fandom, right? Though I'm not new to being obsessed about particular shows, my last rounds of obsession came when the blogosphere was still a thing, and that's where my blathering about it in the tags energy went.

I get that "Positive feedback only on art and fic" is a way of extending support to artists and writers who make things for free! (I also have ascertained that we don't have the same norms for meta / nonfiction, which I find fascinating AF. Is it that meta's commitments are more explicitly intellectual, and that we therefore expect and accept a level of critique we wouldn't where fic and art are concerned?)

The caveat I've been seeing "Except where racism is concerned-- we call out racism ..."

We don't. Not universally, not consistently. And I'm going to bet calling out racism when that calling out actually happens is a comparatively new fandom norm, and there are some people who dismiss it as a form of moralism. My point here is:

Fandom norms aren't eternal, and (this is my blogosphere training talking)

Re: "ship and let ship," you like what you like, but what you like is culturally influenced. Subtracting the wrinkles from someone you're drawing comes from somewhere (and it's not always "I'm drawing an AU in which these guys met in high school"). Drawing someone as skinnier than they are comes from somewhere. (I'm thin. The number of times IRL someone has attempted to force-team me into bonding over snarking on someone for their fatness is substantial and not cute.)

The norm of "If you don't like it, use the back button" means if I nope out of your fic in chapter 7 because I just read a sentence in which Stede's eyes are blue, and that has been a pretty reliable proxy for racism, you will never know why I stopped engaging. You won't know that I stopped reading because your Ed can't read-- a detail that you think is canonical but that has been disproven multiple times in the show. You might think life intervened. No. I have three hours of commuting and a ridiculous amount of reading time. If I didn't finish a fic there is a reason why. Maybe you're happier not knowing it. Meanwhile I'm thinking: if we were actually friends, I would be working up the courage to talk to you about it, because Blogosphere Years Ago I promised that I would not let pointing out racism, fatphobia, ableism be the sole responsibility of POC, fat people, and people with disabilities.

I get that it's stressful to be called out. Hell, it's stressful to say "I have a problem with this" too! But I've also seen people do absolute master classes in responding to a gentle callout without defensiveness, and with changed behavior, and it made me better at in-person conflict to witness. One of my blogosphere lessons is: Preferring harmony over growth isn't neutral. It's culturally white, and it has costs (mostly to the people who don't share the cultural positioning of the majority).

So yeah: part of what makes me sad about the back button norm is that I think it reinforces a producer / consumer relationship between writers and readers. If I can't tell you when I've got a problem with something, and you can't tell me when you've got a problem with something, that's a hard limit on the extent to which we can know each other. (Also: because I write meta rather than fic, it is absolutely within tumblr norms for you to tell me my take is bad, even if it's not within fandom norms for me to say "I love this fic except for X.") And as someone who made enduring IRL friendships from my blogosphere days, I find that a bit saddening.

[that-birdy-chick]

Part 2 of me rambling about s8 of hawaii five 0

Live commentary

ep 6

- did-did Danny really just organize an intervention for Steve? To make him take better care of himself?? I don't know how to feel about this

- Lou really just said "Steve listen to your husband, he loves you" spoken like a true married man

- kinda gotta agree with Dog, not your finest move Danny

- so can we all agree that Danny losing his mind a little over Steve's radiation poisoning is kinda like the whole Steve losing his mind over Danny retiring thing but in reverse?

- I think Steve has never looked more stressed than with this stress counseler person asking him about his sexlife right in front of danny

- awwww now the end of this episode is in my top 3 favorite heart to hearts these two dorks have ever had

- Danny being honest about being scared that Steve isn't taking his radiation poisoning seriously to the point it keeps him awake at night and steve replying that he's scared too but that he doesn't want Danny to change because he loves him the way he is and that he does take things seriously URHGH

THE GROWTH! The genuinely healthy communication! I'm so proud of them 🥹

ep 7

- no no no what is going on between adam and kono? My breakup senses are tingling and I don't like it

- I swear the way Adam and Steve's conversation in the car went is so "let's talk about our respective marriages" coded

Like honestly it's so blatantly obvious - they are literally paralleling mcdanno to kono and adam ffs

- hey and come on adam you too? Why does everyone need to shit on the restaurant thing

- haha Steve is mad people he cares about just walk into a dangerous situation without backup - I love how this season confronts Steve with his own behavior

-hmm l don't know how to feel about Lou literally deleting evidence to protect tani, really most of their shady "police work" really didn't age well

- damn Steve killed a cop, that's definitely gonna fuck with him

- love how Lou is looking out for everyone, he just is the team grandpa

- sooo adam is gonna join five 0 right? This is what all this is about isn't it?

- I swear I am trying to care about junior and tani and what's going on with them but Idk so far I haven't really warmed up to them

ep 8

- eyyy Danny is back and calls Steve babe within 1 min into the episode? This can only be a good one

- nvm I swear to God Steve if you crash land yet another plane-

Seriously dude? Haven't you learned your lesson from the last time?

- naww Danny is so proud of Steves character development, sure hope he isn't gonna do something dumb and risky and ruin it again

- okay so tani and junior huh? They're definitely gonna be a thing soon aren't they

- the dude was killed because he was hiding from a drug cartel that he snitched on and fled with the drug lords daughter, I swear all these people always have the most dramatic backstories

- aaaand steve is doing the dumb reckless thing, Danny my guy I feel you're pain, he is so done with his shit he doesn't even yell at him anymore

- Danny is such a fucking saint, Steve almost went and got himself killed AGAIN and all he cares about is being last and danny husband of the fucking year just goes "yeah yeah you did well let's get a beer maverick"

- okay tani and her brother are kinda cute in their peek sibling behavior, I feel bad now for calling her a kono replacement, girl is much more than that

ep 9

- damn love Jerry's new haircut

- I will never get tiered of Danny and steve bickering about the restaurant, I know they are setting it up to fail but I genuinely think this could have been a good thing to eventually end the show on, like a retirement thing, but oh well

- aww I love Danny trying to comfort neolani with something Steve told him, only to have it backfire and make him anxious again

- pfffff and tani and junior sit in the far back like literal children

- oh great we're doing the biological warfare stuff again, this should be fun

- so they only have 8 hours to live? sounds like a prime love confession set up to me

- love our respective couples comforting each other, have to say tani and junior are doing a way better job tho like seriously Steve "try not to die while I take this call okay?" that's the best you can do, seriously?

- and of course Danny's all time stress response is to bitch about or at Steve, stellar coping skills all around

- omg danny did not just say-and steve didn't - OMG is it actually-

-nvm of course it's a fake out, damn it after 7 season why do I still keep falling for this shit

-the little restaurant talk Danny started to distract Steve and himself with was pretty sweet tho

- hey, wait why is Danny the only one definitely close to death? The others all seem relatively fine

- and of course Steve has to go and needlessly risk himself, so junior has to safe both their ass's instead of him just doing it on his own in the first place

- excuse me people why are there not more fanfics about the crew stuck in quarantine together?? this shit is hilarious and has so much potential for angst!

Please if anyone has some great fic recommendations send them my way please!

-no come on Danny, Steve didn't wanna upset you! That's honestly a pretty mature thing given the situation you were in, and now their arguing

- poor tani and junior they be stuck with these two idiots for a long time

- I could really see tani, just snapping at them after two days to either kill each other or fuck it out already, because their whole shebang is just exhausting for everyone

ep 10

-AHHHHH they finally opened the restaurant!? Progress!

- why does the screen look weird? Please don't let this be a dream type thing

- "Right now grandma Williams is smiling down at you" awww Steve, that is so sweet🥹

- nooo it's a dream thing 😭

- love how everyone makes fun of Steves near mental breakdown haircut, really dude it looks terrible, why does no one stop him?

- wow you really gonna give em kids the judgemental stares for flirting? Steve Danny as if you're any better

- and of course they're getting jumped in freaking quarantine

- really the dude went through all that trouble, just to kill Danny? And didn't even try aiming for the head? amateur

- aww Danny imagining grace wedding, my heart <3

- Danny is hurt, Steve is freaking loosing it, I'm so here for this

- Lou really said "sir, you better have a plan soon because if you don't Steve will come up with one, and only God can help us if that happens" I love you so much Lou

- huh so Danny thinks Charlie will be a cop? That's interesting

- awww and of course Steve is there, sitting next to him like a good husband, and the rest of the ohana

- nooo Danny being there for kono and adams first kid, that is so wholesome 😭

- Steve is straight up having a terrible time, while Danny has some idealistic feverdream about the future, this is so fun

- excuse me Steve you fingering your husband does absolutely not make you even for the liver thing, you nut

- so there gonna blow up a bomb right next to another bomb? Sure that seems reasonable

- yes Lou! Get the sledge hammer!

- poor Eric, don't worry hun we still have 2 seasons left to go Danny will be fine

- no NO you cannot- you did not just show me that while Danny's dying the last thing he hallucinates about is having grown old with Steve 🥺

- "and if I could do it all over again I wouldn't change a thing" I'm done, this is it, that line just killed me 😭❤️

- excuse me, Danny is dying and you people are choosing NOW to tease Steve about his stupid haircut? Seriously??!

- yes everyone copes differently I guess, but when Steve's life was on the line no one was joking around is all I'm saying

- yes Danny Steve saved your life by fingering you, deal with it XD poor Eric is scarred for life

- love Danny genuinely getting some love for once, this was a good episode

[beanghostprincess]

What do you think about Zoro and Usopp?

(If you’re still doing the ship thing)

yeah!! honestly the ship thing was just an excuse so people would send me asks bc i love interacting with all of you here <33 just use my inbox for anything you want to ask me and i'll reply anytime!!! (for the ones who sent me sanuso/zolu prompts, i swear to god i'm writing them i'm just slow af and busy with work. bear with me pleaseplease).

okay so!! zoro x usopp!!!

i must say, i didn't even think about them as a ship until not long ago when i saw a fanart of them and i went "oh, damn, they're actually really cute!". that, and also that you can't go into the ao3 sanuso tag without finding sanji/usopp/zoro too. which i understand. i just don't usually read those much. but i know the ship exists and i appreciate it bc the three of them deserve love, and tbh at this point i just love the whole sanji/usopp/zoro/luffy poly thingy.

i love the zosopp dynamic. they're so,, so silly,,, and there are so many possibilities for angst too???? like, not my top ship but damn it has a lot of potential. and i'm easy to convince, so with a few fanarts and fics i might actually start shipping them for real. who knows. i'm just very specific when it comes to shipping zoro (meaning i only ship him with luffy, lmao. and sanji when the horniness takes over the critical thinking or when the art is just too good).

i love their scenes together and the whole "calm x anxious" thing that ends up turning into "calm one is actually stupid and anxious can't believe he's really that stupid". that also being zoro seeing usopp's potential and wanting him to grow as a pirate so he doesn't interfere when it comes to things like water 7 or personal growth, but admires him from a distance. while usopp is, like, there, admiring and kind of envying zoro's strength but also admitting that he's human too and has feelings and can act like a dumbass. i think zoro would be clingy with usopp in the sense of protectiveness because in canon he's already protective of him (and also would find comfort in him after knowing him for so long. east blue crew things), so them being a couple would only make him more possessive and caring. which is cute!!! like (and i also say this when it comes to sanuso) zoro knows usopp can protect himself. he just cares too much to let him on his own. and he might act like he's tired of usopp's anxious and panicking attitude, but he gets it. he lets usopp do his things. he stays there. zoro protects and loves and he isn't loud about it but he's like a gentle, big cat. and this is just me being a very violent sanuso shipper, but the three of them together would be good when it comes to protecting usopp and also hyping him up!!! that's their sniper!!!!! they love him so much.

but also, from usopp's pov (because for some reason we always talk about zoro's povs when it comes to shipping???? idk why. it happens a lot with zolu, too, idk) i think he loves zoro in such a silly, teasing, intimate way,,, the east blue crew will always hit different, man, but idk,, usopp loves teasing zoro and making him mad and somehow he always ends up making the swordsman participate in their silly, dumb shenanigans. and i think that's beautiful because it's not only usopp wanting to fuck with him, but also usopp wanting zoro to have fun instead of just being protective and first-mate-like all the time. does that make sense??? i think it does.

there's also the respect between them. like, silent respect. zoro knows usopp is capable of fighting and making his own decisions and yet still protects him when asked because sometimes he knows there are fights that only the monster trio can handle (same thing that happens with nami, basically). and usopp respects zoro's position as the first mate and admits that he isn't just a dumb swordsman. although he loves teasing him bc tbh stressed zoro being out of his comfort zone is just so funny--

besides, they're sooo domestic. i love the tiny bits of them smiling and hugging. soft zoro is rare, but when it happens??? it's my whole world. and i think usopp is one of the few people that can make him smile in such a cute way!!!

also they're chaotic af. since day 1. i love them. they have to be one of the most hilarious duos in this show.

ngl now i have the urge to read fics of them uguhhsdjksdkj

TL;TR: i like them a lot, they're just not my top ship. probably i will ship them soon if i consume enough content. give me a few days.

LOOK THEY'RE SO CUTE GONNA CRYYY

[lunar-years]

Sorry, another anon jumping in here- while I'd love to think that Roy would take Jamie's feelings in an R/K wedding into account, I think canonically hes still a bit inept at reading Jamie sometimes (ie: the bar date/ stay away from Keeley scene) so I can see him asking Jamie to be best man without considering the further implications. Which of course leads to the Richmond boys deciding to be an emotional support bubble for him through the whole thing and its only later in the evening when Roy steps outside for some air and sees Jamie with eyes shining, gritting his jaw determinedly trying not to cry while Sam tries to wordlessly comfort him, that Roy realises hes fucked up a bit there. Isaac coming up to him like "we know you didn't mean it like that, but bit cruel that bruv"

yeah 😭

I think it all very much depends on the timeline this is theoretically happening in, too. The thread I read about the alternative s3 roy-keeley wedding was kind of funny because they were using s3 dynamics with everyone else but those two. So when they said "Jamie would obviously be best man!" I found myself thinking...like...idk man, I don't even think Roy would even want or ask Jamie to be his best man in that scenario, because they would not actually be best friends the same way they are in the actual s3.

This might be very cynical...but in a s3 where the Roy & Keeley we see on the verge of breakup in the s2 finale are suddenly getting MARRIED... i do not think Roy and Jamie would become nearly as close in that timeframe as what we see play out in canon. Because so much of their dynamic in s3 is built upon Roy being in a very bad place post-breakup, then volunteering to train Jamie (imo, at least in part as a distraction/way to bury himself in work to stop thinking about how miserable he is in the personal aspects of his life) and then ending up genuinely loving spending time with Jamie and spending ALL of his time with Jamie, slowly pulling him further out from his slump because Jamie's given him something and (someone) to care about again.

Whereas, if Roy is busy and stressed out over wedding planning all the time, whilst also consumed by the same unaddressed insecurities that plagued his relationships with both Keeley and Jamie in the s2 finale (which he only would've pushed further down after a successful proposal) I 1) think it's quite possible he wouldn't have even volunteered to do extra training with Jamie in the first place and 2) even if he did, wouldn't have had the same time to spend with or focus on him, resulting in them...not becoming close! certainly not best man close. Also, Keeley has ALWAYS been a point of strife between them. it's why Roy's head butting Jamie in the s2 finale, it's one layer of why the bar date goes so poorly, etc.

Roy "when I look at her I only think about Jamie fucking Tartt" Kent who has not gone through the breakup nor any of the growth said breakup facilitated is a man deeply insecure in his own relationship (and in this case, engagement) who sees Jamie on some level as still a threat to his peace. I do not think he'd want Jamie to be involved in the wedding at all, tbh, even if their relationship was getting slowly better and they were at the place of tentative friendship we see in the s2 finale.

Now, of course all that changes if we're talking about a scenario where roy-keeley have gotten back together post-series and are then getting married somewhere down the line. That's the version of events where I think 1) Jamie would do anything Roy asked him to, up to and including being his best man, even if it hurt him in the process and 2) Roy would be perceptive enough and care enough about Jamie not to ask. You're totally right that Roy struggles to read Jamie sometimes, but I also think there were sooo many factors at play in the bar date and so many of them would be eliminated in a scenario where Roy and Keeley are getting married post-series. Like, so much of Roy's obliviousness there stemmed (imo) from jealousy and insecurity and his own desire to win Keeley back regardless of Jamie's feelings, so part of it was him being inept on purpose as a form of avoidance, lol.

Whereas, if he's proposed to Keeley and said yes and they're both in a significantly more secure place in their relationship, Jamie isn't really any "threat", so I would like to think Roy would at least pick up on his discomfort surrounding the wedding before hitting him with "will you be my best man" (or like, Keeley would say something when Roy brought up the idea, because it really is deeply ludicrous).

[bathic]

Warnings: Light angst.

Word Count: 1.6k

Yeosang felt like the world was destined to split open and swallow him whole.

Shattered earth like jagged teeth snagging onto each thread holding his uniform together, tearing apart at his sneakers until the rubber soles are nothing but orange peels and his laces look like fine hairs brushed from a cat. Had it always been this… vapid? Mindless droning beginning as a soft ‘good morning, Sangie’ eclipsing into a dull buzz as the causality of breakfast and coffee mixed with the occasional newspaper flipping faded by the recurring ‘You need to start thinking seriously about your future, Yeosang’ followed by, ‘Those gadgets will get you nowhere’.

The seventeen-year-old couldn’t even taste the spices in his breakfast, the chicken porridge seemingly bland and cold despite lingering in his mouth.

He bowed his head, a soft excuse to leave and be on his way uttered into his chest. His father’s sigh held a weight to it, dragging the stern dismissal with a huff and a shake of the morning paper stretched between his hands. Yeosang was on his socked feet without a single word, keeping his eyes pointing south and away from the silent search that his mother was doing from her spot at his father's right. She usually sought him out when conversations over the table turned into expectations of the future, a hushed comfort and thinly veiled agreement to his father's words that stressed the importance of success; of which was supposedly not possible with aerial technology.

But she didn't that morning, leaving the space by the front door empty. Yeosang would scarve his own neck with a two-year old gift from his next-door neighbor and best friend of nearly five years and shoulder his backpack over the thick cotton of his pullover.

~

Wooyoung hated the cold. Winter in all its frigid glory and blinding whiteness made the teenager feel very much like the Grinch minus the hatred towards Christmas. He longed for summer, wished to see the lush growth of grass and cycle through the countryside with the song of cicada's blaring in the wake of his pedaling. The taste of cherry jubilee making the sweat clinging to the fringe on his forehead worth every dip, scoop and bite.

He startled a bit from his reverie, the sudden appearance of Yeosang at his side looking desperate to depart.

"Again?"

"Yeah." The reply was short, emotionally tired and muffled into the fabric wrapped around Yeosang's neck.

A frown pulled against Wooyoung's chapped lips, "I don't get why he has such a hard time understanding that not everyone wants to be a doctor or some kind of paralegal. He isn't, right?" The question was rhetorical, but Yeosang shook his head anyways; Wooyoung already knew what his best friend's father did for work. "Exactly! We have dreams too, ones that we want to follow and chase and achieve one day. Why should we give that up?”

Wooyoung wanted to be a professional footballer, wearing the presenting colors of their country proudly with skinned knees and dirt smudged skin as crowds roared in the stands. He could taste that imaginary glory, feel it soaking into his skin, chants of his team deafening his hearing.

Yeosang sighs, adjusting the strap on his shoulder with a trembling hand. “I don’t know— I just… I don’t want to talk about it, okay?”

“Yeah, sure, okay.”

Snow wasn’t scheduled to fall until the evening hours, but a few clumps lightly plummet to gather and cling with a might so unusual for such a small substance onto the two teenagers' hair.

~

Sometimes, Seonghwa would lie in bed and write out his regrets with just a blink and flick of his eyes across the ceiling in his bedroom.

Things he wished to say, things he wished he didn't, insecurities about himself and his role as the captain of the Jayu dance team. Had he been too hard on everyone as of late? Was he being understanding enough when a few of the juniors informed him that they couldn't continue on with dance club because it was interfering with their curricular studies? If he fought them on their decision, would they have stayed? Should he have? Was it wrong to let them slip away so easily? Could they see it in the way his smile faltered that he was disappointed to be losing more club members? Maybe he should have told them that the team was ready for an entry level competition despite being the complete opposite.

Would they be, however, if someone else was the captain instead of him?

His bed didn't seem as warm as it had been before his thoughts painted the ceiling, the white not as bright and dulled both by his doubts and the curtains blocking the sun and snow outside.

~

"Let's go to Jeju Island next summer, I miss the beach." Yunho stuffed his hands into the pockets of his pants to save the cold from biting at them anymore than they already have.

At his side, Mingi removes his black-framed glasses from his nose. The lenses fogged over from the shift in air temperature. Inside the small cafe, lines of red and green garland hang in soft arches along both the ceiling and the L-shaped counter. Small bobbles dangle between each row and bright red ribbons gather in faux-velvet fabric at the peeks of each slope. Yunho sniffed the air like a frantic puppy, cinnamon, baked fruit and fresh bread enticing him closer to the pastry case.

"You say that every winter."

Mingi wipes away the condensation with the end of his scarf. "Can't we go somewhere else? I hate the way sand ends up everywhere it shouldn't."

"How about..." Yunho trails off while tapping a slender finger against the apple of his chin, eyes jumping from freshly filled pastries threatening to burst with light cremes and festive treats decorated in green, red and gold detailing. "Yeosu?"

"Thats still by the ocean which technically has a beach attached to it... somewhere."

"Then what about Wonju? We can go hike and visit the theme park there," Yunho pauses, turning to fix Mingi with a cheeky grin, "No beaches, just mountains."

Mingi couldn't help but mirror him with his own smile, eyes crinkling and thinning behind his glasses; returned to their designated spot after the fog was swiped away.

"Sure."

~

Jongho stared at the orange and black-lined ball in his hands like it was the sole reason why he was out of commission. The root cause of the cast on his left leg and the wheelchair he has been bound to for the last two weeks.

He knew it wasn't to blame, but pinning all of his ire onto the inanimate object made it better than the alternative, attacking himself. Had he not let his overconfidence and inflated ego blind himself from his slip-up, a misstep into an oncoming player that he failed to notice at the last second costing his team a win and his ability to finish the season on the court.

The school gymnasium was empty, save for himself and the basketball in his hands and his resentment for the sport he loves.

~

Was it the weight of one decision after another decision that weighed down on his shoulders? Of course it was, being the class president wasn't just for anyone. The role needed a leader, someone born to command. And while Hongjoong didn't have an issue with voicing issues, concerns and grievances while simultaneously lending an ear to suggestions and alternatives given by his other fellow student council members and the rest of the student body, there was something about having to uphold the entire image of the class president role that felt like the eighteen-year-old was dragging himself through tar.

From the moment he stepped foot on campus, platformed sneakers pristine and only lightly creased, his reputation coiled around his throat like the cold spindly fingers of a parasitic spirit. He was suffocating under its hold, feeling more akin to a mindless puppet on razor-thin strings than a living person with individualistic flaws and fears. Only when he stepped foot into his home, welcomed by the silence before his parents got off work, did everything lift, and he could settle into himself without judgement.

Hongjoong swallows, trimmed nails scratching a bit at the skin of his neck where he swears, he can count one, two, ten fingers latched around the column of his throat.

~

San loved his home in the countryside. Enjoyed helping part-time at the garlic farms with the community elders. He liked having his father as his taekwondo mentor, finding his stern teaching and strong resolve admirable. The walks to the rural bus stop no matter the season provided a welcomed moment of free observation and short-lived peace. It offered the space to think, the patience for decision-making, an uninterrupted second to daydream.

Something he found himself doing far more often as of late.

But it wasn't about the freshly falling snow, or where the hole in his knitted glove came from or who actually won in the snowball fight, he had with his older sister yesterday afternoon before their mother called them in for dinner. San often entertained daydreams about other places. Beyond his rural district, where garlic fields were replaced with flower beds situated along cemented sidewalks, trees overhanging with spring blooms that'll shower down onto bustling roads, somewhere that if he squinted enough along the horizon, he could see the distant blue of the ocean. Fields melting into quaint cafes that lured in customers with the soft scent of baked bread and confectionaries promised to make your tastebuds sing.

San did love his home and all that it had to offer, and even what it didn't. But during those small paces to that lonely little bus stop, did he daydream about the more.

[liz-thinks-too-much]

Can I be petty for a second?

So, I finished reading The Darkness Outside Us, and as I was looking for some video essays on it, I found one where someone didn't like a specific scene of the book, so here are my two cents about it.

The scene this video references is the one right after Ambrose and Kodiak have sex for the first time and they talk about top and bottom dynamics, and how they got into the ship thinking they were tops (because that's the only role they ever played), but now they're okay with the idea of being verse.

In this video the person says this scene is contraproductive, not normbreaking and fetishization. They're disappointed that both of them are tops and that Ambrose, which is the smaller, softer one, was the first one to bottom, saying that it falls into a norm. And honestly? I don't see a problem with that. The whole deal of having the freedom to express your sexuality is so that you can decide if you want to have vanilla sex or not, and if you end up falling into an unharmful stereotype, that's okay as long as it's safe and both you and your partner are okay with it.

I don't see people getting disappointed with straight romance because the woman didn't peg her partner to prove she's not lesser than him, so why are we expecting a queer author to make a statement out of queer sex? Ambrose and Kodiak entered the ship as two fuckboys who always topped, but as soon as they fall in love, have sex and open up to each other they both say that they're okay with bottoming sometimes, even Kodiak says so! You know, the super masculine guy who came from a very conservative place that would make fun of him for wanting to bottom? Yeah, even him is comfortable enough to explore new things with his boyfriend, so how can you say that this scene is not normbreaking?

And what if the softer one was exclusively a bottom and the muscular one was exclusively a top? Queer people don't need to make a revolutionary take on sex every time they fuck, existing in a queer relationship is already a political statement by itself!

I would have a problem with this scene if Kodiak or Ambrose made fun of/humiliated each other for wanting to bottom, but that never happens, they actually are very supportive and happy to discover these things together in the future.

The youtuber also say this scene is fetishization because it's only purpose it's to ease the mind of people who think they're entitled to know who is the top and bottom of the relationship, and though I agree this is disgusting behavior, I don't think this was the purpose of this scene. Through the whole book we see Ambrose talking about how horny he is for Kodiak, because he's a teenager, so it's no surprise for them to be open about their sexual history with each other after falling in love and realizing they're in danger. They use intimacy as a way to ground each other in this stressful situation.

The purpose is to show how comfortable they are to build intimacy, to communicate their needs and try to build a dynamic that works for them. It's about growth, love, and most of all, it's supposed to be funny. From Federation's stupid "donating" and "welcoming" terminology, to them turning their aftercare into a political debate about the power dynamics and heteronormativity of sex roles, to the "two tops go to space" joke, to Kodiak saying they should make a schedule so they could fuck five times a day: It was so fucking stupid and funny, and I absolutely loved it!

But honestly, that's just my personal take, so no hate to the youtuber or anyone who disagrees, you do you, babes!

[maskedemerald]

Pre-Order The Last Straw Novella

So the Kickstarter didn't work out but that isn't going to stop me! The book still comes out on the 25th of November! I'm still planning to do a smaller print run so if you want Paperback its going to exist! Follow the link to my website to pre-order in either E-Book or Paperback format!

A Curiosity Piqued – The Last Straw Novella – Masked Emerald

Also If you are interested I have some thoughts about the Kickstarter experience below the cut! Just my thoughts going forward and not words from any kind of expert on the matter. In fact they are rather rambly, sorry about that.

The Numbers

Costs

Indie printing is definitely not cheap, the costs have gone up for pretty much everything. However the worst thing was the increased cost of postage. Everything I read said make 20% of the goal postage costs. The way things are now I found it was more like 35% which is not good. My original printing costs were £3000 but by the time I'd added on fees, postage for the physical books and taxes it was £7000!

The Problem with Social Media

One of the biggest adversaries I faced was the algorithm and social media. Discoverability is shit on pretty much all social media at the moment. Getting seen beyond my existing followers was a big challenge. The only place I found growth was Tumblr and specifically in the Writeblr side of it (Hi new writer friends! I appreciate you! I'm still catching up on the tag games from when I was ill!)

The Experience

Preparations

Definitely next time starting preparations earlier. There is a lot of preparations involved so I'm definitely going to give myself more time so I'm not trying to do it all at the same time.

The video was harder than I thought it would be, give me unscripted streams any day over trying to get that perfect take.

Shy Bens Get Nout

Is a useful phrase however my anxiety sometimes makes it hard to actually do but seriously if you don't ask then you don't get. While it wasn't me that asked, someone asked on my behalf and as a result I got to do a talk about the book on the radio. Pick up the courage and ask, it might just make a difference. The worst they can do is say no. Which yeah can be intimidating but I need to get better at it!

Stress

I've been describing the Kickstarter as a mad dash. That's what it felt like. I had to constantly be pushing it and then things got worse, I got ill. I was in bed with no capacity to do anything for a week. It tanked my ability to push the Kickstarter. I seriously think its a good idea to have a bunch of posts already written and scheduled to go out. That way anything I post is extra. I really didn't like the stress of it personally so if I try again in future I'll be working to keep the stress low.

Future Plans

Longer Term Funding Pool

I'm going to be tracking the money made by The Last Straw and any merch designs to count towards the next print run of either The Last Straw or the next book. I'm also thinking about the people subbing on Twitch and the people considering becoming a Patreon. These people by the time a book comes out have put money into the printing pool and I think it would be more fair if they can also get the physicals without needing to pay full price. Also without them feeling they need to participate in a Kickstarter to make the thing they want happen. So I'm planning to change my rewards! Subs and Patreons will get virtual stamps towards physical items. This lets me keep entry low and even based on how much I get across the Twitch subs and Patreons. I'll be posting a proper breakdown soon.

Plans for Trying Kickstarter Again

I plan to try crowd funding again if the long term pool doesn't get enough for the next book but I am also considering trying out other sites like Indiegogo. The flexible funding is interesting if I could work out the costs the right way. We'll see what happens in March/April when I need to start thinking about printing the next A Curiosity Piqued.

[thebiggarage]

Part 1 of my story.

Where do I start?

Where do I start? It's been really hard running a business now, I think going on 6 years, for 3 of those we suffered COVID years, and that was only after 1 year of running a business that was not what we thought it was, we bought a motorcycle business.

Now we are struggling through the aftermath of covid. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I'm yet to see it.

The books looked good when we first made an offer for the business, it looked like it was picking up. But in all honestly, it was very, very slow. A quiet business, there wasn't much going on. It had been running for 30 years. But that's all they managed to do is just have a shop, it wasn't going anywhere.

The workshop was, non-existent and mechanic worked 1/2 day a week and didn't really have work. He just brought his own stuff in to do.

We took on this business at a time in life where we were suffering a lot of trauma. My husband had just lost his dad to a good 3 years of sickness, which was just such a traumatic time and my mum had fallen sick the same year we decided to buy the business. We were going through the worst times of both of our lives suddenly losing our parents.

2 months later, the purchase of this motorcycle shop went through, yet my mum was gone. How was I supposed to run a business now? No time to grieve. It was really hard. I also had 2 teenage boys at home needing help and motivation in their schooling. They are my stepsons, and they live with us permanently. I have given everything I had to give these boys a life, a wonderful home, and education. I want them to succeed, so I threw everything into them. Their education, their characters, their clubs, their hobbies, everything to give them every possible chance in life as well as raising our 2 year old daughter whilst the boys were having all their mood swings and I was trying to run a business I knew nothing about.

How did I do it? There's only one way that I managed to get through the first few years. And that was by Faith.

However, about a year ago, I lost my faith. Up until then I would spend every free moment in my Bible talking to the Lord. Every step I took during the day. I asked him what I should do. Where I should go how I should do it. And yeah, it was still hard, business was hard. Life was rubbish, too stressful. Nothing working. There is no time at all, and it just got harder and harder and harder.

But in the background, I held on to my faith. I again prayed and sought guidance from God. And slowly, things started to change. Opportunities came my way, new customers started coming in, and the business started to pick up.

I also learned to prioritize and manage my time effectively. I made sure to spend quality time with my boys, focusing on their education and personal growth. I delegated tasks in the business, sought help when needed, and learned from others who had more experience in running a business.

The eldest got into the Navy, 4 years after first applying. That was another fight. But now there's no looking back. He has found himself.

Most importantly, I kept pushing forward, even when things seemed impossible. I reminded myself of why I started this business in the first place and the dreams I had for it. I refused to give up and kept working towards my goals, no matter how difficult it became.

Running a business during challenging times is never easy, but with faith, resilience, and determination, it is possible to overcome obstacles and find success. I believe that through it all, my faith in God and the support of my loved ones kept me going. And for that, I am grateful.

[1d1195]

Finals went well! I think for once in my life they weren’t too horrible?! And I was above average for all of my exams?! Expect math but we already know about my relationship with math lol

You have no idea how much I missed you! I swear I would have popped in earlier but I was so busy on Friday/weekend😭 I had my final early in the morning and I went to my friend’s graduation ceremony.

I’ve always wanted to dye my hair a silver color yet I’ve never caved in,plus my parents were never really for it when I was younger lol they were more worried about my hair being damaged than I was when I was younger lol and I’ve NEVER had the desire to be blonde which is why every time I catch a glimpse of myself rn I get freaked out😭 I’m excited when the dye will arrive lol and yes I will update you on that lol

I’m pretty much the same too when it comes to my hair growth! I chopped it off in January (up towards my chin) and now it’s by my hips lol and honestly if your hair grows fast, I say you should go for it if you want darker hair!

Omg you already saw him?? Im so glad you had a great time! And Niall has a violinist on tour with him?! Oh that is such a win! I love when artists highlight musicians like that! Love that their chemistry was so good and I too don’t know how she managed to do that! And omg that shoutout to Boston must have been so sweet😭

I totally get about the picking aspect! I use to be like that too! So I know how hard it is to not pick. Doing my own nails really helped with that honestly, like I don’t do gel anymore so I just use regular polish with simple designs/stickers I can do. I think that since I put in “work” I tend to not pick at them or just maybe think twice about it more! Plus I use a “peel off base” sometimes so if I do pick it won’t damage my nails as much because of the base. I say get that pedicure, like if you can, you deserve it!

You couldn’t even tell that you didn’t know where to take their story while reading it! And at least for me I could tell that there was lot of emotion into it. Especially that part with her and the child. I think it was heartbreakingly beautiful to read due to the parallels of her own story. And I’m glad that she was able to cry and just feel all of her emotions! It was so lovely to read Sam!

It’s probably going take time to relax or slow down a bit because it can be a bit abrupt to suddenly be “stress free”. And yeah I remember! I totally get it though but you’re trying at least! Self care or being “healthy” doesn’t look the same for everyone and we all have different needs. It can start out really small and you can build on that. But I’m still hoping for you to have an amazing summer! Plus you still have so much time!

No plans yet for the summer tbh! I don’t have anything set yet but maybe I’ll go to a few concerts and see my friends who came back for the summerlol I do though want to start a new book series the Interview with the Vampire one! I’m watching the show rn so I kinda want to make that commitment this summer but who knows lol also what are your thoughts on audio books?

It’s so nice to finally talk to you!!! More than a week is far too long! I was itching to be back! Missed you so much bestie!!! I always love hearing from you❤️-💜

OF COURSE YOU WERE ABOVE AVERAGE! You're incredible!!! 💕

Don't worry about being busy. I just missed you!!! 😭

Omg please ignore what I said about my hair. It doesn't grow nearly as fast as yours I'm FLOORED. Naturally my hair looked good today (getting it cut tomorrow). The hair stuff I was using reformulated and it's devastating. Changing the length will also make things complicated. Didn't know about the peel off base...that's intriguing. I should give that a try.

The shout out to Boston will probs be on repeat in my head for the rest of my life. Not sure if he says it to every crowd (he probs does) but I felt so special in my back row seats. It was so nice 😭 I told my sister I wish I played the violin and she said "I don't think you needed another thing to be neurotic about" and tbh she's more than likely correct; probs for the best I stuck with singing in choir 😂☠

I'm not against audio books but they're not for me. I like to listen to music while I read and I like to hold my books. I think I MIGHT consider getting a kindle/e-reader this year. A lot of my friends and coworkers have recommended audio books "You can read two books at once" but I don't enjoy that all that much. I get pretty confused as is while reading one book I don't need to read/listen to a second and mess with my story lines. I know next to nothing about Interview with a Vampire so please tell me about it! Why do you like it and what's it about? Have you heard how the book and show compare? Do you tend to prefer book > movie or the other way? I'm a book over movie kind of person and I typically read before I watch but someone I know who kinda struggles with reading mentioned it works for her to watch first because then she kinda knows what's being described when she reads. I never thought of it like that and I appreciate that POV way more now. (Also praying this will work when I get around to watching Catch 22 because right now it's the only book I've ever given up on and also considered doing as an audio book) I swear I need comprehension questions like I did back when I was in school. I'm absolutely STUPID when it comes to reading anything that was written prior to 2000. I love The Great Gatsby, Of Mice and Men, and To Kill a Mockingbird, but I swear I'm dumb af and didn't read anything underlying in them. Meanwhile my english major sister is like "you didn't know the rabid dog meant racism?" Like know, I thought it was a dog. I took note that Jem was color blind you're lucky I noticed that.

ANYWAY sorry for the rant about books and shows and whatnot. I hope I answered your question; what do you think of audiobooks?

So glad you're getting a chill summer bestie! You deserve it and all the fun things you're going to do!

xoxo

[imtrippin666]

The next few weeks were really good. Sleep overs, dates, partying every night, drugs, connection, passion. Jasmine had just been accepted into University to benefit her growth in her career. Money was stacking up, bills paid, luxury. Especially considering its San Myshuno. Jas felt everything was a little too right but dismissed it knowing she has trust issues aurrounding honesty. Plus... schools coming up and that's very nerve racking. Just very thankful we can easily travel so moving won't be a question.

"Hey babe, just wanted to let you know I took today off. I know I've been working hella and you specifically communicated you're not interested in someone like that. I just haven't really had a choice"

"I'll be there in like 15 Jas. And yeah I dont like my partner gone all the time at work. It stops communication and intimacy. I do understand you do charity work though so don't stress. Bye."

*Madilyn hangs up fast*

"I've really missed you Mads. It's hard sleeping without you by me now."

"Is that right? I missed you too. I wish you would take more days off for me. Let me stare into your eyes more often.... kiss those lips more often"

"Its just hard to take time off when there could be people who need your help. This world is getting really sick. I will say I'll try my hardest to tale more time for us. I don't want this to become a huge thing"

"How are you gonna be more available when school starts in a couple weeks. Plus charity work gets busy during fall and winter. It's unrealistic"

"Its really not... I give you all my time. I haven't even seen my Mom or Dad in weeks. I didn't get to even say bye to Julia or Jeremiah because my last day there I spent with you. My family is very important to me, my mom busted her ass off and I'm just not being able to show her any appreciation. It's been 2 days of us being apart unable to speak much... I'll stop going to party every night."

"I need attention, affection, connection Jasmine. I never grew up with family or support besides you. We don't go out together, we dont fuck, we dont cuddle, no pictures together. Its boring. We just stay here and drink and talk about movies we just watched"

"We dont fuck..? Are you kidding? Any moment you find you're climbing on or under me. I'm not use to that and honestly it sometimes feels like that's where our connection is. Not to mention, you never let me top when that's what I like. I work 8 am to 7pm. I do not have the energy so no I'm not always super excited"

*Jasmine rubs her face*

"Why did you wanna talk so bad? To yell at me ab how hard I work? Because I'm not trying to fight. I'm getting dressed because I was hoping to take you out. We can talk after I'm done"

Jasmine didn't mean to offend but how much time does she has to make for this relationship.

[krystlestasik]

An Introduction of Sorts...or technically a re-introduction.

I've had this blog for years and year; multiple times I've achieved basically large chapters of my life... mainly because I'm not the same person as I was then and I want to start a new chapter. I am a firm believer in growth and while sometimes you don't grow in the ways you thought or want to; it's still growth.

So here's my re-introduction and a summary of the story so far...

I'm 34, single, fur-Mom to two kitties; Harper and Zu. I lost my kitty Pepper last October... It was one of the hardest things I've gone through. Last year was marked by loss for me....I lost a lot. The biggest thing I lost last year was myself... A lot of things contributed to that fact and I'm sure the longer I blog the more I'll talk about those things and the implications of that loss in the present. I have to remember to quit looking back...as it it doesn't change what happened. I let the past tear me apart once before and I can't let it happen again.

I'm probably going to blog a lot about flying and my journey with becoming a pilot. Being in the air is one of the places that I just feel like everything is gonna be okay. It's peaceful to me.

I used to be a Hospitality Consultant and I had a business partner that I ran that with... Last year he was going through some personal stuff and I was losing myself and not focusing on what I needed to. In the end we made some huge mistakes that basically cost us some really big clients..the kind of clients we needed in order to keep doing it full-time to pay for staff and ourselves. After going through all the shit I was going through and didn't really have my heart or mind in the game I decided to give it up as my primary career. I had just burnt myself out towards the end and it was yet another thing that just wasn't making me happy anymore. In late November I went through some stuff that just....made me realize how unhappiness can impact trajectory...so I made the decision that I would strive for happiness and good health...so that's what I did. I now work for a pretty amazing company where I can use all my skills and also grow into different positions. I am sad I'm not my own boss anymore but in some ways I like it better...I never have to stress over how I'm going to pay myself or my employers and I don't have to work so fucking hard for basically the bare minimum. (That was the other thing I decided late last year...no more settling for the bare minimum) I don't have to keep having the same fights over and over again with the clients wanting results without being willing to make changes. So yeah, now I work for a company in logistics/aviation and I'm happier for it.

I have some really great people in my life...I also put some distance between me and people whom I love deeply but couldn't trust anymore, who didn't respect boundaries, and/or just weren't helpful at helping keep drama out of my life. I will never ever kick someone out of my life or not be a friend if they need/want me but I can put distance and boundaries into place if that's what needs to happen.

All in all...this is a small summary of me so till next time :)

[crimsonstray]

glacialdeath​:

The mention of her brother hushes her up quick enough, sucking out the energy she had just revved up for him. Rukia seems to bury herself under the weight it brings up, her shoulders sagging and her gaze downfalling. “You and me both…” She mumbles, not trying particularly to be heard one way or the other. She still hadn’t gone to see her brother since everything. Was she worried? Had she thought about going to see him? And had she asked about his condition? Yes, yes and yes. Underneath all the nerves her brother flared out of her, she had the desire to see their sibling relationship in a different light. But in terms of beginning that, she had very little clue where to even start, let alone how she could convey that properly. Even just the thought makes her lose her voice and cause an itch in her throat. Renji was the far easier reconciliation between them both. At least here she didn’t have to feel like she was approaching a room of nails in etiquette. Soon enough, she picks herself up, lifting her head up if only just because she knows that there are some things still in her power, and one of them is that she can offer some kind of support for Renji. “But you’ll get through it. Just say something cool like ‘So, we good?’.” Her imitation of a ‘cool’ sort is a deeper inflection and a sort of nod that is more with her chin than her face. She muddles it afterwards, losing confidence in herself quickly. “Or something.” But upon hearing herself she summons a sort of critiquing tone in her head that uses her brother’s voice that judges her and her enthusiasm ceases just as soon as she found it. Maybe the fact that she hasn’t seen him since makes her inadequate in giving the best advice there. With a deep sigh she dismisses her old words and instead remains serious with a frown. “…Nevermind. Nii-sama isn’t the sort who likes to dwell on things though. Or at least I never saw him as one who did.”

When it comes to elaborating on her previous question, she reflects, hand upon her chin before starting. “It was something Ukitake-taichou told me before. Fights tend to be two kinds. Fights for your life and fights for pride. The pride isn’t always just your own but pride for those you care about. Comrades, loved ones. That sort of thing. There’s more than blood and lives on the line is how I’ve always understood it. Like…” Rukia pauses, trying to choose her emphasis carefully.  “…a sort of honor that if it’s disrupted or unfulfilled you become less of a person.” She remains skeptical of the idea, and begins to become more opinionated. “I don’t know. Sometimes I think it’s more dangerous than combat. I can’t help but think about what losing a fight like that would do to a person.” Is it better off dying then? Do the results matter? Or is it all about the resolve of wanting to see it through regardless of that? She doesn’t fully understand it still, but she’s made herself respect it to an extent. That didn’t mean she wasn’t wary that Renji could have gotten himself caught up in one, her eyes casting him a glance. “But maybe I’m over-complicating it, and it’s never about the results in the first place.”

Taiyaki enters her vision and she blinks for a moment. With little acknowledgement, she takes it from his outstretched hand before long. When he calls her out for not eating a rosiness rises to her cheeks. Quickly she takes a large bite of the taiyaki to prove him wrong, trying to swallow quickly before she can repute him. “I am not scrawny! S-Shut up! I eat when I want to!” She tends to forget to eat when her stomach is filled with boiling emotions and thoughts, which has been most of the time lately.

He has some point in his words, voicing the questions and doubts in her head she tries to ignore. She tries to remain silent and not entertain them, but her mind stacks further ones on top, discouraging her confidence as her brows furrow in thought. When her powers return, whenever that even ends up being, will she be weaker than she already was? Will Shirayuki only speak to her in whispers? They are questions no one knows the answers to, but ones she has settled on bargaining with. As she clasps her flexing hand into a fist she builds up her resolve, deciding that if she has to start from scratch or start off weaker it would be good enough; at least it would be better than nothing. With that hopeful stance in mind, Rukia is done with explaining herself and has been serious for far too long, exchanging her thoughtful pose for jestful joy. “Hmm, well, if I’ve got a lot of time, maybe I’ll become a housewife or something!” She pauses, letting that awful picture sit in his mind before grinning and cutting it off. “–Just kidding.” It’s her own joke that gives her a different, actually good idea however. “Hmm, maybe I could work on my sword techniques and fighting stances in the meanwhile though. Who knows, maybe if I get good enough, it might even bring back my powers sooner. And then I’ll be leagues ahead and surprise everybody!” She places a hand on her hip with a delighted hum, raising her nose in the air cockily enough. At the very least, it would probably be a good way of keeping her sanity in the meantime.

“You should really lighten up though. I’m the one who lost my powers, not you, fool.”

She opens her mouth to say something, but instead finds herself in the crook of his shoulder, embraced tightly, like she’s an elusive gust of wind he doesn’t want to lose. It’s something about the force and the contact that sparks memories she had abandoned, or ones she had thought she had. It was a hold that reminded her that he was very much in front of her, and there were no longer bars between her and him and no class either. It was something she didn’t realize she missed so much that she can’t help but smile as she places a hand upon his back in return. “Idiot. Who was just talking about there being no need to be thanked?” For a moment she lets herself rest her head on him, the sound of his heart calming to her.

from the corner of his eye, he could see her shoulders sag at his mention. the mention of the mighty kuchiki byakuya. the moon that he could never quite reach. no matter how hard he tried. why was his captain so difficult to deal with? ' i heard that. so he's giving you a hard time too huh? ' he had no idea how things were since she was taken in by that household. he thought she was adapting but then when his captain decided to abandon her the way he did, it became clear to him that he had been mistaken. and he felt bad. bad for not being there for her. ' is it really that hard being a kuchiki? i mean sometimes i forget that you're actually the rukia that i knew with the way you carry yourself like nobles now. ' that much was true. she had changed. become a little more elegant than he knew her to be. but he also knew that the rowdy girl was still in there somewhere. under all that shine and gloss of her new life. he scoffed at that suggestion. ' yeah right. as if that would work with him. he'd just give me that serious face of his that's so judging but not quite and make me feel like i was the biggest turd he'd ever seen. ' hm, in a way, she was right. maybe it was best just to ignore that all this happened. but was that really healthy? it didn't seem like it. then again, since when was talking things out even a thing with his captain and himself? not really. he sighed and shook his head. ' why is everything so hard. '

Renji listened to Rukia's explanation. brow narrowing as he was paid attention to her words about pride and fights and what it was she exactly meant. and the more she went on the more confused he grew. since he didn't think it applied to him. he shook his head when she was done, ' i was fighting to prove my worth. but also to show the captain that too. it had nothing to do with pride. at least i don't think so. ' proving one's worth wasn't about pride, it was more growth right? maybe he should have a talk with ukitake-taichou about this later.

' you are too scrawny! ' he retorts, ignoring her shut up and squinting his eyes at her. he wasn't sure if it had been the stress of the entire situation or if it had been her time in the living world. either way, she did look thinner than usual. and he didn't like that. ' from now on. i'm checking up on you and making sure you have your meals so your scrawny ass can get back to healthy. ' and he wasn't taking no for an answer. the way he folded his arms showed that much.

' psh, yeah right. ' he scoffed, he could hardly imagine her being a mere housewife after being a warrior. ' that's not who you are. besides, your scrawny ass can't cook even if you tried. ' okay, now he was pushing it while calling her scrawny. and was probably going to get punched for it. but at least now he knew that things between them were back to normal. and it was good. all good. ' well, hm. i guess that's a good call. practising your sword techniques and building your muscle too. ' he wasn't sure if it would help bring back her powers but it was a good start.

' i can't lighten up even if it's you who lost your powers. that just means i have to look out for you more then. '

Renji pats her back, holding onto her a little longer and not wanting to let her go. but he knew he would have to eventually. but not quite yet. this was nice. and she could pull away any time she wanted. but he hoped she wouldn't just yet. besides, being called an idiot wasn't an insult when she said it that way. it sounded more like an endearment. ' well, it had to be said. ' he replied with a lopsided grin continuing his gentle pats. she was so warm in his embrace but also so small. and now that she was also powerless, she seemed even more fragile. it flared his protective instincts all the more. but he also knew she would kick his ass before he even tried to baby her. it didn't matter though. he was still going to look out for her. it was decided. ' did you get to sleep? '

[msommers]

OC ENNEAGRAM RAMBLINGS. 

type. — two, the helper wing. — three, the achiever subtype.  — seduction

basic fear: of being unwanted, unworthy of being loved basic desire: to feel loved

some sources: enneagraminstitute, enneagrampaths, sleeping at last podcast “two” episode, enneagramprofiling, integrative9, videos by josh keefe (1, 2), lost ones along the way because i’ve been reading here and there about this stuff for a good while

— TYPE TWO. 

i literally have no detailed format to this, i’m just going to scream into the void about how maeve is Thee type two until i’m out of braincells. obligatory reminder that two by sleeping at last, a song specifically about this enneagram type, is one of the most iconic maeve songs and everything about it is perfection for her.

the main thing about twos is their love for helping others. how they will go out of their way to provide and care for people, whether they’re close to them or not because one of their main desires and drives is the need to feel helpful. the enneagram types are said to be types that people were born into which shaped how they learned to adapt in their early childhood. in maeve's case this traces back to her desire for wanting to feel Helpful and Good developing from her time spent striving to aid her struggling family, doing what she could to provide for them and make them happy, despite the fact (or maybe because of it) that it never seemed to be enough for her parents. this also ties into another trait of twos: wanting to be loved. maeve was born with a heart too big for her body if i'm being honest, and she was starved of affection and love for most of her childhood/teens years because of the selfish and demanding nature of her parents, resulting in her (at times desperate) desire to seek out love wherever she can. carden's eventual proposal of maeve's hand in marriage in exchange for plenty of coin to her parents was, unfortunately, a deal that maeve was all too happy to agree to—she would be pleasing those around her by giving carden a wife and providing coin enough to her parents which would allow them to build up the farm, and maeve would receive the love she was craving. (or, you know, that was the Wish.) 

another big part about twos is how they would prefer to focus on others rather than look at themselves. they put up a façade to fool others into thinking that they’re okay so that the attention may be placed on them, as they’re more comfortable coming to their aid and struggle when it comes to spending time on themselves. they feel at their most valid helping others and see no need to turn the lens inward. this way of thinking hits hard for maeve at many points in her life. her greatest negative emotions (feeling lonely, starved for love and touch, relying on others for her happiness, fluctuating self-esteem, etc) are things that frighten her, she’s scared of opening up about these feelings to others (and even herself) because on top of feeling like she might not ever stop feeling such things, it hurts her to think that others might see her negatively. see her as worthless, over emotional, too clingy, etc etc. the biggest part of maeve’s overall character development is overcoming these fears with time and the help of others that she comes to trust enough to see her with the mask off.

when at their “average” (and bordering on “unhealthy”) levels of development, twos want to be close to others. they can start people pleasing and become intrusive, they Need to be Needed and so they can become overbearing with intimacy or hovering. though they’re full of good intentions, they can become self-sacrificial in wearing themselves down for everyone by finding (and sometimes creating) needs for them to fill. maeve doesn’t stick in these particular stages for long enough periods for them to be a problem, but there are moments in time where the traits do pop up. maeve has an inherent desire to build close relationships with others and if she feels that she’s not succeeded, she can come off to some as overly friendly or presumptuous. then there’s the side where she turns to seduction and affection, craving the attention and approval that comes along with it. they’re not frequent but maeve has these moments during her early-to-middle adventuring years, when she’s at her worst and feeing unwanted or unloved, terrified that all she’s doing for others and herself isn’t enough and she believes she has to start compensating for what she’s lacking in self and effort. 

a “healthy” two is said to be in balance. their generous, compassionate and loving nature draws people to them “like bees to honey”. they use their empathy and endless patience to understand people to their cores, helping others learn how to love themselves by providing them with appreciation and attention. they are selfless and humble, providing unconditional love and believing it is a privilege to be in the lives of others. all of these things are perfect for maeve when she’s in the later years of her adventuring, not traveling as often after finally reaching a point of true self love and learning exactly what she is to those in her life. she is able to care for herself as she does for others, her altruism and forgiving capabilities are at their peak and she knows her own boundaries when it comes to providing for others. this is also when she takes on arguably one of her most selfless goals in life: dedicating her efforts into dismantling the eternal fire after she has spent months in novigrad, the pain of seeing too many (and herself) hurt by their cruelty becoming too much and her deciding to do something about it despite the task being huge. 

— 3 WING.

maeve was very nearly a 2w1 because i can see so much of it suiting her, but ultimately wing 3 won out for its more social nature and the desire to help big groups of people. while she does at time focus her support on individuals while traveling or staying with them, for the most part maeve’s motivator is looking to help communities either by assisting in protecting them on a witcher’s monster hunt to bring them safety, or by bringing them together through other means (arranging and hosting events, taking charge of important changes she thinks are required, offering advice, etc etc).

the biggest example of this wing for her i feel is her collection of works. they serve as many things, but among that large list is 1) a clear indicator of the massive web of connections that maeve has collected over the years, 2) down the line it’s a way of telling who she became closest to by having more tales about them, because she found that they liked her for who she was instead of her actions and actively decided to spend more time with them, 3) it’s her largest scale attempt at trying to persuade huge groups of people by sharing countless hours of works that ask people to look at witchers, mages and non-humans in a new, kinder light. maeve has and will continue to do work for other humans in her lifetime, but her most pure passion lies in helping those communities that have been looked down on and treated so cruelly for far too long solely because they are different.

other tiny points: she loves being a hostess for her friends and communities, she can easily get overwhelmed by the strong emotions of others and herself at times, keywords ‘alluring, adventurous, and versatile’ apply quite well, she seeks security by nurturing her closest relationships and supporting the ones that she loves, her becoming overbearing and lashing out in anger while stressed, etc.

— SEDUCTION SUBTYPE.

initially i was turned off from this subtype for maeve because of a quote on “they may find it difficult to accept limits or take “no” for an answer” and this goes VERY much against who maeve is when it comes to relationships, but everything else i read about the subtype fit her well and so it’s a case of not every little thing can be perfect but it still works out.

one quote that i do felt like it came for maeve’s fucking life, however, was “they have an unconscious need to feel lovable through being desired.” sex is a Big part of maeve’s life and especially when it comes to her confidence, to her there’s a struggle to find something that compares to the feelings she has and shares with another while being intimate. the unmatched feeling of being truly connected with somebody while at your most vulnerable, the affection of touches and kisses, the give and take of pleasure and adoration that perfectly hits that desire of two’s to give to others and then receive in turn,,,idk man, just v good.

this subtype isn’t solely focused on naughtiness though, as it’s all about the two using their charm and energy on attracting people to them so that they may build strong connections, ones where they feel safe and that they can trust the other(s) enough to open up to with their own emotions and needs. they’re passionate and expressive with their emotions, alluring and generous in their attempts at securing those equally beneficial relationships. there’s also the bit about them using their ‘seductive’ skills as a way to perceive the needs of others so that they may build those bonds with the goals of having their needs met. all a bunch of stuff that lines up Wonderfully for this bard.

[yoonpobs]

we don't talk together | myg

pairing: min yoongi x oc

genre: angst, hurt/comfort, growth! exes that remain exes

words: 2, 842

summary: it's hard to say it's over

What they don't tell you about goodbyes is that it isn't the end.

It's far from the closing of a book. Goodbyes are the itch that urges you to pick up an old book from the shelf just to feel what you first felt when you re-read certain parts of a book; the same remorse you felt when a character you grew attached to didn't get the ending they deserved. Or, maybe it was the villain that was misunderstood—your own heart wishing to reach out to the sad soul that couldn't even be recognised when all they do is speak.

But some books will end up dusty, forgotten, tucked away in the corner of your shelf; or in the most drastic of cases: lost.

"The park looks ... different," Yoongi speaks up for a lack of a better conversation starter.

You hum. What would you say? That it wasn't the same from when we used to spend our Spring's blended into Summer's until it got too hot for us to lay in each other's embrace?

It was still too fresh even though it's been nearly a year.

"There are more dogs," You point out the moment a tan pomeranian runs past the two of you, the owner an old couple laughing away under the cherry blossoms.

He nods, fingers stuffed in his trench coat. You note that it's the same one he wore on your anniversary, plans abandoned when there was a mix-up with the reservations until the two of you stumbled across a hidden gem that soon became your go-to date place.

You will yourself to look away so no more memories can resurface. It seems like every part of your life has somehow seamlessly intertwined itself with traces of Yoongi that it was impossible for you to exist as just yourself.

"How are things at the firm?" He asks after the two of you walked side-by-side in complete silence as more and more chatter fill your ears.

"It's ... going," You chuckle dryly.

Yoongi raises an eyebrow at you, shooting you a brief glance over until the two of you reach a bench. You dare say it's muscle memory that dragged your heavy feet into the direction of the only bench that you've known in the park. The compressed reminder of the initials of your names that you carved as teenagers likely still staining the years old wood. It was meant to be an emblem for wisdom, the ring of growth that meant to be the endgame for the two of you.

You almost laugh in bitterness and how literal the metaphor was.

"Everything okay?"

Yoongi takes the first step to sit on the bench because he always did. Ever the gentlemen when he opened doors for you, let you into the car first, waited until you stepped ahead of him to trail behind like a shield.

The first date, first kiss, first confession.

The first one to decide that it was over.

"My boss is just being sexist, as usual. I thought I'd get used to it after spending two years there but ... there are some things that you just stay unfamiliar, you know?"

It was very like you to speak in double-entendres without intending to. But it was also like Yoongi to pick up on it, especially after years of learning all the best and worst parts of you; he was and probably will be one of the few people in your lives that will always foresee your next move.

The two of you sit a fair distance apart on the bench even if it was a battle for space anyway. You didn't have the liberty to lean into his embrace anymore and he wasn't in the position to say that it was okay for you to breathe, to relax.

"You shouldn't get used to those remarks. There are times where you learn to grow used to constructive criticism but if what he's saying makes you question your worth because of very arbitrary reasons like your gender then that isn't criticism, nor is it constructive. It's bigoted and chauvinistic."

You look down to your thumbs as you fiddle with it, his words comforting you. It was woeful that you still chased validation from him even after learning to be that person to yourself.

"Yeah, I guess."

Then how did you get used to things?

If time didn't make things familiar then what did? Was it not the five years with Yoongi that led you to see him build an empire for himself all the while destroying the relationship that you had? Or was it because he was the person that you thought of doing the most minuscule things?

"By the way," He clears his throat, eyes still set forward, "Namjoon says hi."

You raise an eyebrow, surprised to hear the name of a mutual friend—or more appropriately, friend by association and acquaintance when that link was broken.

"He knows that you're with me?"

Yoongi nods his head.

"I needed to let someone at the studio know and ... well, he's the only one that knew of our situation."

You chuckle bitterly.

Of course. The suggestion of his work only made your heart drop because as much as you wanted to be supportive of him, even after the break-up, the name of his studio or songs only reminded you of the battle that you helplessly lost.

"You can tell him that I'm still a text or phone call away. No need to play messenger," You return.

The atmosphere is more reflective than awkward. You know that the two of you had your pieces to say, your own narrative to tell but neither brave enough to break the calm that you were settled in. It was a nice difference from the way that things ended, and you supposed that you were similar enough to believe in a mirage than the inevitable truth.

But you didn't call him out after six months to sit in silence to walk away with your heart feeling heavier, nor did you invite him out just to remember what it feels like to have him next to you—even in complete silence.

"Would you have really quit?"

This time, you gather all the bravery that you've built over the past few months to ask the question that has been mulling in your mind since the night you decided that it was officially over.

It was a painful break-up. Even if you expected it when Yoongi came home earlier one night with bags under his eyes and his keys that he usually left at the studio because he knew you'd always be home to open the door for him.

"I'm sorry?" He seems taken aback.

You don't blame him. You've always been more passive in dealing with confrontation due to your conflict-averse nature—but that didn't mean you didn't get angry or annoyed—or hurt. But if you learned anything, it was to stop asking yourself questions that you'll never have the answer to.

"Would you really have left the company to save our relationship?"

You chose your words carefully. Instead of saying to be with you, knowing that he lost the love, he had for you somewhere along the way—you point out the one hole that he held on to for the sake of stability. The one thing that was constant in his life with how unpredictable the music industry was.

"Yes."

Somehow, the answer doesn't make you feel better because even with time apart you knew he was lying to save your face.

"You don't owe me anything to lie to my face, Yoongi." You frown.

Yoongi sighs, rubbing his hands across his face as he leaves your statement hanging in the air to mull over his answer.

You prefer the silence that way. It showed that he was at least listening, or cared enough to decide his next set of words. Nothing like how much it pained you to acknowledge the responses you got from him when you were crying were just out of obligation than sincerity.

"No, I wouldn't have."

You nod your head, expectant of the answer but you needed to hear him say it himself rather than drowning yourself in ruminating thoughts of how there was still a semblance of hope that he would've given it up for you, for your relationship—or the life that you were meant to build.

"I wouldn't have asked you to, anyway." You confess.

Yoongi turns his head to look at you and for the first time since you've met at the park, he notices the absence of a necklace around your neck. The necklace that you never took off. He wants to comment on it, ask where it went or if you've pawned it off out of pettiness but he held no remorse towards you. You were tolerant with the break-up even as you sucked in your tears when he knew that it killed you on the inside. Yoongi didn't have the heart in him to ask you.

"Oh."

"You were the one that said you'd quit so we could stay together," You say softly.

Yoongi doesn't respond as he looks back to the night where the two of you sat down to talk about the standing of your relationship. It was a rollercoaster of emotions that started off with an amicable discussion that eventually led to the two of you yelling until you surrendered to your tears and just left the battle completely.

He said a lot of things that night. From things that he's been bottling up for months, to things that he's always wanted to tell you and things that he didn't remotely mean, and things that he's regretted the moment it left his lips.

"I guess I did."

You sigh, leaning back into the bench as you observe a couple walking in front of you, passing your bench as they share an ice cream on a cone; bickering on who'd get the first lick. To anyone, you and Yoongi would've looked just like a couple that has reached a comfortable point in your relationship where intimacy was just sitting next to one another.

But you admit, there was something oddly intimate and heart-breaking about sitting next to someone you've loved with your whole heart and feel nothing but ... weightlessness. Like the burden of your concerns was lifted ever so slightly just being here.

"I wouldn't have made you choose between your relationship or your dream, Yoongi. I would never have done that to you."

Yoongi knew you would never have made him do something as abhorrent as that. You were far too understanding. But you had wanted from him too, that he wasn't willing to provide just yet. He didn't know if it was because of the expiration date to your relationship or because of the stress he was under at work—but he convinced himself that it was you that was asking for too much instead of him compromising too little.

"I ... I know," He whispers, "I'm sorry."

You purse your lips. You try not to let your emotions appear on your sleeve. You were tired of allowing your face to speak before you did. You needed to use the voice you had.

"I loved you so much, Yoongi," You murmur, "I loved you so much that I would have taken anything I could've gotten with you just so I could be with you."

Yoongi stays silent at this.

"I didn't mind if you spent more time at work than at our home. I just wanted to know if I was ever in the picture when you were talking about the future. I know how much you love music and I supported you through every audition and failure ... and to know that I was just—" You swallow, the words still painful to say. But you needed to make your peace with it, "—that I was just someone that would wait for you instead of your partner. That's when I knew that you didn't love me the way I loved you."

Yoongi chokes to speak up but you shake your head.

"No, Yoongi. You loved me, you did. But somewhere along the way you stopped and you just pretended that we were okay even when I was trying my best to fix the seams. I wasn't your girlfriend anymore, I was just someone familiar to you and I didn't deserve to feel that way." You tell him sternly.

Yoongi surrenders to his silence as you take a deep breath to continue.

"Maybe I loved you too much in a way that you couldn't understand."

"_______, don't say that—" His eyes widen when he tries to reach a hand to yours to comfort you, but your body language remains stoic as you keep your hands in your lap.

"—and that's okay Yoongi. I loved you but not in the way you needed. I'm not here to make you feel bad about what I chose to do on my own because it wasn't my fault that I couldn't be what you need." You say sadly, but a small smile on your face as you finally say the words that have been eating at you for months.

"... okay," Yoongi accepts.

"We all have different ways to love and be loved. I loved you and that was enough for you at one point but love isn't all a relationship needs. You loved me too, in your own way and I accepted that but just because it was enough for me doesn't mean it was enough for us." You glance over at him to see him staring at you intently.

"I'm sorry that things turned out this way," Yoongi says softly, eyes gentle.

You wave him off.

"I don't think I'll ever love someone as much as I loved you, though," He confesses, eyes returning to the scene in front of him filled with different colours of life that seemed to look vibrant under the Spring sunset.

You shake your head and chuckle softly.

"You say that now but you'll meet someone one day and you'll remember all the reasons why you love in the first place. And it'll be enough for you, and them."

He shrugs, a small smile itching on his face.

"I really did love you," He says, "But I'm sorry for not being honest with you. I owe you that much of an apology."

"We're not here to forgive or forget, Yoongi," You look at him kindly, "We're here to move on."

He purses his lips and hums, nodding his head.

"I hope you get that promotion at work you were talking about months ago, ______." Yoongi offers, a gentle grin marring his face.

"I did," You shrug.

It feels liberating to have achieved something and only feeling content by acknowledging it yourself. Months ago, you would've hurt at the fact that Yoongi didn't know. But the change you welcomed after the end only showed you that there was a new path for you to walk on.

His eyes widen, but eventually, he chuckles and shakes his head, muttering something under his breath that sounded a lot like knew it.

You push yourself off the bench, dusting your hands on your pants as you offer him one last smile before you say goodbye for the second time.

"I hope you find someone who you'll love more than you ever did with me." You tease.

He rolls his eyes.

"Impossible," The grin on his face is easy, and your heart still clenches at the nonchalance, but you don't expect the feeling to go away so easily—nor do you mind. It just shows that you needed to wait and that you were willing to do it.

"Of course you will. You're a musician, Yoongi. You need a muse," You smirk at him as you turn around, a small wave on your hand to say goodbye.

As you walk away and his body gets smaller and smaller from your vision, you turn around to say:

"We don't talk together is a beautiful song."

Yoongi's smile is genuine, and so is his goodbye. A gentle acknowledgment of his hand as he stands up himself, walking to the other direction of where you were headed.

You still had a love for Yoongi, and you suppose you always will. Just like how you would feel pleasant when rediscovering a childhood hobby that triggers a fond memory, or how you love different things in your life in different ways. Whether or not you love someone more than you've ever loved Yoongi isn't your concern, because when love comes in one form, it goes in another.

When you still take the same route you'd usually take with Yoongi after your walks back home, you pass the cafe you used to frequent to see that it's replaced with a new bar. You smile fondly to yourself, shaking your head.

You loved that place.

But eventually, you'll find another cafe with a beautiful interior and a latte to match, and you'll love it too.

[carpisuns]

do you ever get discouraged by social media? like the fact that a lot of interactions can never go beyond the surface level since you won't get to meet a lot of people irl or the fact that numbers seem to matter so much to how others perceive you? hope this isn't too heavy, just curious to hear your thoughts

hey, sorry it's taken me so long to get back to this! but yes, i definitely know what you mean. social media can be a strange and disheartening space to be in because it's all about perception and not often about truly knowing someone. we all kind of have a version of ourselves that we put out there for the world to see, and it's not necessarily a completely false image, but it's also not the full picture, you know? and in a fandom space like this one, it's mostly built around a single interest or group of interest, which is great for surface-level bonding with people but not necessarily for a deeper relationship. so it can feel hard to build truly meaningful friendships sometimes.

i've been fortunate tho to meet some amazing people online that i now consider some of my dearest friends and closest confidants. it started with bonding over a shared interest, but then we found that we had more in common and started sharing things outside of that one interest and talking about our lives and supporting each other in both our hard times and good times. i feel really blessed and lucky to have these friends in my life, whether we ever get the chance to meet in person or not.

i'm not sure if you're actually looking for advice about this, but if you are, mine would be to just be kind and positive and enjoy interacting with people, and that may naturally lead to deeper friendship. that's how it's worked for me, at least. kinda depends on what your vibe is and how you prefer to interact online but i've made friends by sending asks/messages to people to let them know how much I enjoy their work and by hanging out in discord servers to chat about fandom stuff as well as general-interest stuff. might be a good place to start!

and as for numbers, yeah, that can be frustrating too! i'll be totally honest—i used to care way too much about numbers. at one point it lowkey became an obsession for me 😩 i'd be constantly checking to see how many followers i had and how much attention my posts were getting and i got too invested in watching the numbers go up and too frustrated when they would stagnate and most of all just too focused on comparing my following with other people's. it was especially bad on instagram bc everyone's follower count is on public display and art tends to get a lot more attention there, so i grew way faster and i also watched other people grow at like breakneck speed and leave me in the dust and i would get jealous,,,woof.

but there came a point when i realized that my focus on numbers was not healthy or enjoyable for me and it was making my fandom experience stressful and bitter rather than fun and chill. so i took a little break for a few weeks and really tried to gain some perspective with it all and it helped loads!! i mean i won't say i don't care about numbers at all anymore haha but they definitely don't have the same hold on me. my growth both here and on instagram has slowed down a lot but i honestly don't mind at all and actually may find that preferable haha. idk im just satisfied and comfortable where i am and what i find most fulfilling in fandom is my friendships and my interactions with other fans, not really the individual attention that I get. it's been nice to take the pressure off myself and not worry about performance and instead just kinda vibe lol. like i used to stress when I didn't post new art for a week, but now i just make stuff when i want to and let myself take my time and post when i'm ready instead of rushing out of some self-imposed sense of obligation.

i totally get people's desire to grow a bigger platform, especially creators who have professional ambitions, and it's awesome to celebrate with them when they hit milestones. but i hope that no matter where any of us are, we remember that our worth is not determined by our online following. and also that we are all just regular people with blogs! I think there's a tendency to treat bigger names in the fandom as like pseudo-celebrities or something (i've definitely been guilty of that ), but at the end of the day we're all just big nerds who like talking about a cartoon lol. it's nice when we can all just support each other and share content and discuss ideas and stuff without making people feel unduly pressured bc their following (like putting them on a pedestal, demanding a greater output of content, etc.) or making them feel lesser because of their lack of one. fandom is about community, not competition, and your contributions are valuable even if they get less attention that someone else's!

ok i feel like i've just rambled a lot, sorry lol idk if any of this was actually meaningful/helpful to you but i wish you the best and hope you feel less discouraged about this! 💜