#i didn't know who to tag really but i've started a rewatch and i couldn't resist giffing my most beloveds

[nick-nellson]

BRIDGERTON 2.01 Capital R Rake

[lock-my-feelings-in-a-jar]

Have you always been the way you are now about Russ? I don’t know his music but I see all your posts.

a good question!!

prepare for lots of probably unnecessary words.

i haven't always been like this about russ specifically, but i've always been like this in the way of like.. i get attached to one thing for a while and can't get enough of it until i get burned out(i always love them all though even after i get burned out and maybe drift away from them a bit but they always live in my mind and are part of me forever and i always love seeing things about them)

or sometimes until i feel i've learned enough about them i guess? or until i feel i have what i needed from them, if that makes sense and doesn't sound weird? because i always feel like i'm just searching for something in these bands and i don't really know what it is exactly.

but just in learning about their music, that's part of why i made this blog, so i could learn about bands and musicians and have somewhere to post about them as i go through different ones.

ever since i can remember, i've been like that(billy joel was actually one of the musicians for a little while many years ago(before i had this blog) but i didn't actually learn that much about him at the time, i just couldn't stop listening to a lot of his songs and i still love his songs)

HOWEVER it feels like it's intensified times a billion now with russ.

i didn't know he existed until last year.

story time, everybody gather around and zone out while i talk forever about this:

i think my first memory of seeing his name was when i was making gifs of "new york groove" by hello, because i posted a link around that time to their site that had some information about them and it talked about him helping them out. while i was reading it i was just like "oh neat, i have no clue who this russ ballard guy is, but these are interesting words about this band"

that was innnnnn [me checking my archive] june of last year. THEN. fast forward toooo i think it was november, @burn-on-the-flame changes my life by sending me an argent video, which i am forever grateful for. 💜💜💜💜💜

i was posting and learning about badfinger still at the time, one of my other favorite bands, so i was still fully stuck on them and nothing else.

but as soon as i watched that argent video for the first time, i already knew what it was going to turn into. maybe not the extent of it, but while watching, i was thinking "omg who is this guy in the sunglasses with this beautiful voice and stage presence and who is very visibly in love with music? he intrigues me, i need to know him"

i looked him up a LITTLE BIT(i didn't recognize his name at the time from the information on hello) but i had to stop myself because i was like "no i can't yet, i need to let the badfinger thing fade off naturally first" because i felt it was going to soon enough anyway since i didn't have much left to post or to gif of them and i felt i learned enough(still wanted them with me though because i love them and that's why my url and blog title is of some of their lyrics).

so then fast forward to the end of january. i had already rewatched that one argent video a few times by then, loving it more and more each time. russ just silently living in my head for that whole time. he was kind of just some mystery guy to me that i couldn't stop thinking about because there was just some sort of comfort kind of vibe about him.

i didn't really know anything about anyone in the band yet, but i started making gifs of that video and in the tags on my first gifset of them even, i was like "get used to them because they're staying for a while". (because usually in between my obsessions, i'll gif some videos of various bands/artists until i get attached to one, so i felt i should warn everybody)

i knew they were gonna be special to me even though i hadn't really listened to their albums yet, just the songs in that live video, although i already knew "hold your head up" because it's been played a lot on the radio. i've always known it but never really thought about it. i THINK i knew "liar" too, but probably the three dog night cover of it, since that one was the hit(i also knew the three dog night version of "chained" but i FORGOT I LISTENED TO IT until i saw that they covered it and it's on the three dog night vinyl that i have. i had no idea until i was looking at the giant list of written songs on russ's wikipedia page).

ANYWAY. knowing they'd be special to me, i listened to most of argent's albums in order, but it went like

starting with the first album, i listened to it when i was supposed to sleep, but i stayed up a little bit late just so i could lie there in bed in pure darkness with headphones on and have NOTHING around me to distract me from the music.

i did this for their firstttt three? albums? or four maybe. i can't remember. i think it was the first three. and i can say that this is my favorite way to listen to any music for the first time even though i haven't done it with anything since then. i kind of wish i did the same with the other ones and with russ's solo albums, but it's fine. so i'd listen to one album for a few days and then move on to the next one in the same way until i get used to the songs enough in small amounts at a time.

so then fast forward to me actually learning more about russ. i almost don't even have words. literally every single thing about him is just. beautiful is the only word i can ever think of to describe him, really.

from the way he got through his childhood accident, his fears, his depression and the way he talks about it in interviews and always points out to everybody that it won't last forever, one foot in front of the other, etc. that kind of stuff, the way he went all out on reading books about like psychology kind of stuff and mental wellness and started putting a lot of that into his songs to help others, the way he's always so encouraging and uplifting, the way he'll do things like keep the bus waiting because he's not done spending time with the fans yet, the way he chose to stay home with his kids to see them grow up instead of touring even though he really missed touring(and he took a big hit in doing that in terms of people knowing his music exists but he knew what was more important), the way he helps other people with their music, the way he cares about animals and has been vegetarian since like the late 70's/early 80's and became vegan around the 2000's, the way he's always so quick to tell his friends he loves them all the time, hugs everybody always, just wants more love in the world and for everybody to be happy and live the life they want to live and find a passion. his small little inspirational speeches he does for song introductions sometimes. LIKE. it's impossible not to love him, anybody that knows him would agree. he's literally just a happy, loving ball of sunshine, just living his life and doing his best all the time.

and then his MUSIC. i cannot stop listening to him. he's done quite a bit of different things over the years, AND chances are, most people know at LEAST one of his songs(but probably more than one), but from other bands/artists probably. whether it's them doing a song he just wrote or if it's a cover of one of his. i mean, there's so many.

but most of his hits were through others, and then almost nobody knows who wrote it/originally did it. he's never had the recognition or appreciation he should have for the amount of things he's done. in fact, you get stuff like the video on youtube of him doing 'since you been gone' on supersonic where the description of it is just somebody totally trashing him for no reason. like????? why. (just about all of the comments were defending him though and that made me happy)

so many other musicians out there know him and have nothing but praise and respect for him, which makes it even more sad to me that hardly anybody outside of that knows him. but his constant passion and love for writing and making music is amazing to me, and his level of discipline along with that.

he's just VERY INSPIRING TO MEEEEE for so many reasons. he's been actually changing my life this year in very big ways.

and because he's very similar to me in some ways, the way his brain works feels like it aligns with mine so often. i've never come across somebody like that before in my life. i love the way he makes me feel less alone in the world just from him existing. like, he really gets it. he understands. i don't know how to explain that better.

so IN CONCLUSION, although i do get obsessive about bands and musicians in similar ways, i have never experienced it quite like this before with this much positive impact on my life in just one year. i hope it never stops. he took me right out of depression for a while there and, although it keeps coming back again now, i feel like i can handle it a little better than before.

i've never been able to REALLY choose a favorite, like #1 FAVORITE musician above all before, i always considered all of my favorites as equal favorites, but now i've found him. russ ballard. the light of my life.

[me snapping my fingers as everybody is 100% zoned out] okay i'm done rambling now

(if you ever want to know any of his music, i would be glad to share some)

[lesbiancruzramirez]

!!! woc question game !!!

figured this would be a fun thing to do in my off time so heres some added questions for the fandom if you so feel free to answer !!

favorite minor character and why? (can range from guy with little screentime or guy with info only available on supplementary material like the books, magazines, etc.)

favorite relationship dynamic / ship and why?

favorite piece of fan content(s) and why? (can be a fic, fan art, etc. can even be your own work!!)

and extra question going off that last one: favorite piece you've made in the fandom?

under the cut is my answers to some previously asked questions!!

how did you get involved in the fandom?

i've watched the cars films before but it was only when my little brother was watching them on disney plus back when my family still paid for it that i really sat down, watched it and got invested in it.

and it hit at a very convenient time because i was phasing out of my empires/life series interest and it just snowballed from me checking out the cars tag on ao3 to skimming the pixar cars wiki to . having a whole side blog named lesbiancruzramirez

it was nice it was just me and my kid brother rewatching the cars movies over and over i even got really into cars 2 !! a fun movie actually!!! then me and him watched all the cars shorts and yeah it truly did just all start when my brother saw the cars movie in the selection of movies on disney plus and picked that to watch

favorite character and why?

tbh. cruz ramirez is kind of annoying (/heavily sarcastic. i am joking. if i ever unironically say that u can shoot me on sight 🙏)

anywho i love love love cruz ramirez 🫶 i will admit when i first kinda sort of watched cars 3 I wasn't too compelled by her but i do remember being endeared to her a lot and then upon a proper rewatch i just sort of fell in love with her she is so lovely and excitable !!! like she's just a little guy? she's just a little guy!!!

i think her whole struggle in the film is so compelling and i wish that and her character could have been expanded upon like storm and mcqueen were..... like maybe in a book or something.....

cars origin: cruz control i will literally never forget you DAVE KEANE . OR ANY OTHER MALEVOLENT FORCES OUT THERE. IF U CAN HEAR ME. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LEAK THE MANUSCRIPT 🙏🙏🙏

anyways yeah i jus love her for being really silly and a dorkass racing fan whos only keenly aware of and into the women of the racing world (she only recognizes and knows louise nash among the other racing legends) and lightning mcqueen and i think thats so real of her 🫶 shes a racing fan but only for mcqueen and women 🫶 me too sis. this among other reasons is why i just love cruz shes sooo fun shes so silly shes my babygirl truly. the guy ever

any dream merch you'd like to own/see made?

🫶 cruz ramirez tsum tsum plush 🫶

literally any of the tsum tsum plushes actually THEYRE SO CUTE? SO LOVELY? MY BABES? MY GUYS!!!

would also love die casts of these sillies and also a couple other choice die casts like the tim treadless n natalie ones. the only merch of my favs out there

as for merch id like to see made . if ever, it probably wont be official but id like merch/die casts of some of game-only characters since some of them have such cool designs and i also really really want a candice one

favorite scene from any cars media?

uh UM . cant pick one scene but cars 3 is my fav movie so heres some top 5 of my fav scenes from cars 3 in no particular order

lmq and cruz argument. "i just never thought I couldn't" "i wish i knew what that felt like" <- makes me INSANE about them. GOD. god.,

and correspondingly i like their make-up scene where lmq does the stupid little dance and song and cruz is embarrassed as hell

the whole opening scene makes me all giddy like yay :D good times montage :D bobby cal screen time 🫶 love that for them

cruz doing doc's flip and winning the florida 500 and i would not be true cruznat fan if i didn't mention "heck of a win!" "yeah... heck of a win (gayly)"

jacksons fuckass intro scene with mcqueen. literally such a high school mean girl? "such a pleasure to finally beat you" "you heard me" "i think i touched a nerve" obsessed. what a weirdo ass freak (lovingly)

i literally remember this movie the best and!! now some honorable mentions from the other two movies!!!

my fav kaciao moment "i dedicate my win tonight to miss sally" "actually no i already dedicated my win to her" <- SUCH fun rival banter off the two of them and i think all three of them should kiss sloppy style thanks

"oh por favor señor tow truck" sorry im weak for femme fatale holly shiftwell

docs first try still giving advice to lmq and lmq sasses him "turn right to go left" is just that iconic to me tbh

and the whole "life could be dream" neon roads scene is so so beautiful!! i adore the neon aesthetic in the first cars movie and oh i miss it dearly

what is your favorite personal headcanon?

too many to choose uh um off the top of my head the sudoku obsessed natalie hc . goes hand in hand with the autism hc i love silly hcs like that

also my cruz met jackson pre cars 3 (or well. somewhere in the middle of cars 3 technically?) hc im still in the middle of writing a fic for that!!!

will update with more answers to questions later!!will be yapping more definitely when i get more off time

[cescalr]

Oooh, definitely glee for the fandom asks! <3

Always with the hornets' nests with these ones, I see! Though i don't think there's a fandom out there that isn't in some way a hornets' nest once it gets large enough... hm. Alright. I'm just gonna be as honest as i can be about this, and tag accordingly.

Glee:

my favourite female character: augh. argh. ouph. so difficult. so hard. Since I'm working off of half-remembered show and half recently-rewatched show... its a tossup. Mercedes, Santana, Quinn. Probably Mercedes. She did nothing wrong ever in her entire life <3 well okay maybe except that one time she smashed kurt's car windows (but it was a banger song, though). Can't say Santana because of the Biphobia TM and other things like excessive use of bigotry-based insults, and Quinn. Oh god girl. Cheating is not cool! Funnily enough! So I find them really interesting but 'favourite' is hard to say. Mercedes. Mercedes for sure <3

my favourite male character: Blaine sam blaine sam blaine sam yes. I am imitating ripping petals off of flowers and coming to a conclusion based on which is the last name i said. So I guess that means Sam! But really this is a tie.

my favourite book/season/etc: Mannnnn idk. I don't like shows for seasons as-a-whole. Also i could not tell you what happened in any given season if you held a gun to my head. I'm not good at that. The only shows i know 'seasons' of are Buffy and Teen Wolf because i've watched them like 100000000000 times (exaggeration) for various reasons (mostly fanfiction research).

my favourite episode (if its a tv show): I can tell you my LEAST favourite episode (blame it on the alcohol, thank you Kurt king of biphobia! this is a persona foible it's not the worst episode in the show. by far. by far. it's kind of an average one. I'm just angry at it.) BUT er. Favourite? Idk. Genuinely some of the earlier Kurt-centric stuff was really well done (his convo with Burt... <3) and the Quinn giving birth accompanied by bohemian rhapsody was obviously iconic, but if I'll be honest I couldn't name any episodes of this show (other than That One previously stated, anyway). And yeah most of the time they were named after song titles and No i don't remember those song titles either. I'm just so bad at this. My memory is that of a goldfish's being haphazardly bounced around on a sieve.

my favourite cast member: it would be really funny if I said Demi Lovato [she counts!] but the truth is N/A: i don't know these people !!! They are strangers!! (i don't. follow celebrities. at all. I couldn't even name most of them. They're just people doing a job and their lives are irrelevant to me beyond their ability to perform that job well. I do not need to know where they live and what coffee they drink. Stalker shit tbh. I'm kind of a very private person myself, so rpf-adjacent stuff just... creeps me out. I've never watched a single cast interview in my lifetime and I'm not about to start!)

my favourite ship: Difficult to say! Grave and obvious lie. Blam. It's blam. Quintana is a close runner up though Santana really needs to stop dating people who cheat on the regular (I'll accept Quinn has grown enough not to do this by the time a Quintana coupling would be viable - and satisfying in terms of character arcs - narratively speaking).

a character I’d die defending: Blaine Anderson did something wrong for sure but like Kurt did it first so shrugs. Cancels out. Bad for each other! Case closed!

a character I just can’t sympathize with: genuinely don't remember if I had one of those the first time around because I was like 10 and just didn't pay attention if I didn't care, but Terri and her racist self take that 'prize' this time, alongside the obvious predator in the room [original choir teacher. Sandy? I forget his name immediately after hearing it. He doesn't deserve to be remembered]. Also JBI is just.... a yikes character all around. I mean, he's a blatant stereotype for one, in a the people who wrote this person don't like jews kind of way. Unfortunately common stereotype too, for the era, so not only is he that, he's also lazy. Just a one-note pervert who's the butt of various antisemitic 'jokes' you've heard from era-peer shows a million times over, tired and awful and a sour reminder of bigotry that continues to this day. Really regrettable character who's lack of redeeming qualities was probably purposeful. (I know Rachel and tina are also jewish, but this comes up very rarely and mostly only when santana needs to say something kind of fucked up, as is her modus operandi, for 'comic relief'. Tina's jewish-ness wasn't even canon for several seasons, because she didn't have a surname or a family or anything resembling complex character depth for several seasons. The one time I really remember Rachel's religion being important was when she was pressuring Kurt into believing in some kind of god, which??? don't do that. Bad example. Trying to guilt trip a friend into faith sucks. I take back what i said earlier Mercedes did that too. Boo. Girls try again that was a bad showing all around. Though i have no idea why Kurt went the acupuncture route as his 'secular' option but i think that has to do a lot with the writers doing literally no research ever once in their lives (you can tell they don't by the way they write the football segments of the show, which make no sense according to football fans who watch Glee, of which there are numerous because real life isn't like fiction where you can only like music or sports. Most of the kids in my school year were doing the most of everything ever if they were the 'popular' ones - we do that differently; popularity isn't really based on who know know; for some bizzare reason literally everyone knew who I was? Even people I'd never spoken to?? - but more about like... how much you can do, I guess. Overachievers, but I'm not saying that negatively; these people were generally - generally - very nice, and surprisingly chill for people who had no spare time whatsoever. I'm not entirely sure when they slept; A* across the board, at least one sport, at least one instrument, several extracurriculars, parties every weekend, dozens of friends and an s.o. . Eh? Way too much going on. Scary lifestyle! Impressive burnout rate, probably. Er. Tangent! Back to the scheduled programming).) There's uhhhh there's a lot of bad characters on the show, but i'd say Sandy and Terri and her equally but more loudly racist sister are truly completely irredeemable ones. Like they're not interesting or anything, they're just there to be narrative annoyances (which, in the case of Sandy specifically, is insane. Arrest that man!!! He has actively sexually assaulted minors!!!).

a character I grew to love: difficult to say because I tend to just make an opinion and stick to it. Also i don't remember who i liked at first and who i didn't, this show came out when i was eight. I didn't watch it until I was a little older than that, of course, but I frankly have spotty memory until my late teens, so! I'm not sure!! Quinn, probably. Pink-hair-era Quinn helped me understand her more, and seeing the moments of kindness hidden behind practical cruelty, when you understand her family and situation, makes things make a lot more sense. It takes a lot to get me to sympathise with a cheater, but I can see where Quinn was getting all turned around in her head about life because of her upbringing and socialisation, not to mention the profoundly negative impact cheerios had on her mentally and that the school's culture in general was not exactly a breeding ground for empathy and optimism.

my anti otp: can you tell (klaine). I don't dislike Kurt!!! Please let him have a fun chillaxed boyfriend in new york with his vogue friends. But also please stop attempting to control other people's diets thank you!! Thank you!! I'm of mixed feelings. Blaine and Kurt both did at least one bad, relationship-ending thing, and proved over and over again that they just weren't on the same wavelength in regards to life goals and ways of living it. They can't even share the same living space, which is kind of required for a functional marriage. I don't know, it just seems like they settled for their first proper, serious boyfriend even if that's not really the best match, and I... wish they'd just got to see more of life first, you know? They got married at like 20! Or something! I'm 23, I cannot imagine getting married at 20. That's a baby. Let them live first!

(same for Santana and Brittney, imo. I also don't really like them together because Santana and Brittney have very different ideas regarding monogamy, which is just never going to go down well in the long run. If your girl cheats on you like twenty times and tells you to your face its not cheating in her view of things, but you think it is, break up with her because you'll just make each other miserable. Brittney sort of seems incapable of feeling guilt but if she were, this kind of moral pressure would be Not Good, and obviously Santana isn't comfortable with the idea and doesn't have to be!! Just move on!!! Find other people!!!! Don't marry your first girlfriend if you've broken up like ten times this is simple!!!! Please!!!! But Klaine wins out over Brittana because - in my opinion, glee fandom please do not persecute me, I am known for this specific thing - I see... interactions that verge on abusive between Klaine that I don't see in Brittana. So. Oof? Ex; use of public perception to disguise attack; deliberately hurting Blaine in a stage-combat fencing match (you are not meant to make actual contact in these) and thus using Blaine's own dislike of making his difficulties common knowledge against him in order to 'punish' him. This is no good! Don't do this!!.[Also just to err vaguepost about a comment.... that is. not. what i would call passive aggressive. Physically attacking someone with a sword - no matter the type of sword, fencing foils hurt just as much, they're just not stab-you sharp... er, these days - is just straight-up aggressive.]).

Note that negative things stick in the mind better than positive ones; on a rewatch I may well alter my opinion!

But also I'm really, really stubborn. So it's not likely. Klaine.

[platypusplayhere]

Thank you @dangerliesbeforeyou for tagging me, im mentioning all kinds of media bc I love to rant, I have a lot of love in my heart and I have trouble choosing just 8: (im making this on mobile hope it's readable).

Howl's moving castle (2004)

My first experience of gender envy, gender fascination, gender emulation for Howl, at a time I didn't even know that gender was a thing because I was like idek 7 years old.

Kiss of the rabbit god (2019)

A short movie, stumbled onto it bc of Tumblr. You honour, I simply love it.

Shrek (2001)

I'm not being ironic I'm very serious about this one. My mom used to braid my hair weekly when I was little and I constantly played this one, I know it by heart and I'm not joking. I freaking love this movie. Same goes for Mulan, Beauty and the beast, Charlie and the chocolate factory, and the whole Shrek franchise up to the 3rd one. (Gotta watch Puss in boots 1 and 2 tho.)

V for vendetta (2005)

This is a shout-out to 14 years old me who might have at some point based their personality around this movie or maybe they didn't, who's to say. I'm not sorry. Kinda still like it tho.

Corpse bride (2005)

There is an independent cinema in my hometown and they did run it often over the years. Bestie I don't know how many times I went to see this movie with my mother as a child. Recently learned about the Jewish origins of this myth and im a lil upset about the stolen storyline without the context. But some will say it's a Burton movie and they're right.

Valentine's day (2011)

First movie I went to see alone with my friends, I was like 12yo. Rewatched it again like 2 years ago, yeah it ain't that great but it's the memories right.

Father and soldiers (2022)

The last movie that made me cry. I hate war movies but my friends convinced me to go because it was less than 2 hours and I've been mad at movies being more than two and a half hours lately (looking at u House of Gucci, Doctor Strange 2) yeah, I cried my eyes out. It's not a perfect movie but the message is great and very moving. I don't like the English title because the original/French title directly refers the name of a group of African soldier recruited by France in its colonies during WWI -> "Les Tirailleurs" (if I remember well, the soldiers were recruited in every colonies but they left Africa from the Senegal and so all these soldiers are referred as Senegalese regardless of their actual origins). The English title is more fitting thematically wise I'll give you that.

Fulmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood (2009)

Knew about it, was recommended by a dear mutual of mine on this very hellsite and yeah, ppl keep saying it's good because it just is.

I told sunset about you/ I promised you the moon (2020-2021)

If you read my tags u know how I rant about this show often. Watched it 2 years ago thanks to someone i follow on Tumblr (but im not really sure who it was anyway if you're a mutual thank you sm). My first foray into BL (back when I didn't even know what it was) and I couldn't be happier that I started with this. I don't have enough words to praise it. (currently writing a post about it tho, stay tuned for whenever I get around to finish it (tell me if u wanna know when it's up), big up to Bad Buddy and To My Star too)

Honoured mentions bc I started making a list and had more than 8 and couldn't not mention them:

Other movies: O'brother, Love and Leashes, God's own country, Jackie Brown, The big lebowsky (idek if I like this movie but I needed something to base my personality around when I was 15yo)

The book The Hunchback of Notre-Dame by Victor Hugo, I'm gonna keep my rant about how the English title is a misunderstanding of the book locked and not even start it.

Alice isn't dead and The Magnus archives (although they're podcasts and I haven't quite finished them, the first seasons are exquisite)

Welcome to Night Vale, I have a lot of episodes to catch up on (currently working on that) started listening like in 2016 then stopped around idek 2 years ago. Some of these episodes are masterpieces ( some I know by heart: Guidelines for disposal, Love is a shambling thing, What happened at the Smithwick House, If he had lived, and The Pilot ofc)

the ballet Swan Lake (1995, 2012) by Matthew Bourne. I don't have enough words. I'll just say it's on youtube.

.....and many more im not think abt rn

*acts surprised* this became a real long post, real quick

(That's why I take a lot of time to answer those lmao, shout out and thank you to the ppl who tag me in these and then I take a lot of time to answer)

Tagging these people and anyone who wants to do it can mention me: @sherlockig @dontbesoevil @lordmeowdemort @namelessbeing @hairbackc0llarup @comrademichael @johnlockdynamic @lovelywickedsoul @frenchsiren

[claudiajcregg]

S5 Pregnancy AU - I’d love to hear about!

Welp, this is embarrassing – mostly because this has been sitting in my inbox for almost two weeks, and I kept saying “I need to write something up!” and then… I didn't. (Or rather, I did, then I forgot to post it.) Sorry for the wait, Lil! Thank you for asking <3 (I'll divide this up because I keep writing about the process and how it came to be, instead of any actual, interesting facts.)

I have talked about this one in the past though I don't have a tag for it. The gist is what it says… (Early) S5 but CJ is pregnant. I had this idea over a year ago when I hit mid/late S4 in my rewatch. I thought it'd be interesting to explore some of her disappointment at that time if you added an unexpected pregnancy to it, even if I had the idea before even getting there, lol. Think, the ending-ish of Han, or parts of Disaster Relief. (Both of which do feature! I surprisingly focus a lot on Disaster Relief.)

The thing with S5 is that the timeline is so weird, and I feel I've also created one that isn't entirely realistic but I think it works within the story. (IIRC, the season starts in “May” but also July, then the Shutdown is in November, lmao. A few of the episodes are sneaky two-parters that flow into each other… See 5-6, 7-8.) I've finally gotten out of the no-man's-land I wrote myself into and the next chapter or two, knowing myself, will deal with 7-8! There are a couple of scenes that should be fun to write! (There are so many details I want to mention that are technically spoilers for early twists…)

Every time I had the urge to write it, I'd edit whatever outline I was working in, and though I kept some details… my muse decided to make a big change early on that completely changed the fic's direction. That, and my inability to write anything succinctly. No reason why this story will cross the 100k barrier in a couple of chapters, tops. (It's sitting at 85k across 12 chapters. I think it'll be less than 20 chapters total. Hopefully.)

This might be too long to share snippets, but I've shared some either on the server or here, a couple of months ago.

For more irrelevant details on the “process”…

As I hinted at, I wrote an outline or two around this time last year, because I couldn't stop thinking about it. When I say outlines, it's a general path for the story to follow – ideas, suggestions of dialogue and/or scenes I write to myself; all focused around some sort of chapter structure. I find it much easier to write if I write down where a chapter might go, even if it's just a few lines saying “This happens → then this → finally this;” otherwise, it takes me months. Some would say that I should post it and get encouragement that way but… I hate being dependent on something I can control even less than my muse? That's not for me, thank you. Mad respect for those who work like that.

It was meant to be short – 1-2 “long” chapters per trimester, more if needed, but then interludes in between trimesters. It's not that. Most chapters currently cover 1-2 weeks, but there is not really a pattern. I was afraid of having a fic that would take over my life like the WOWO did three years ago… And it has, but I've also taken breaks and not felt too guilty about them. I definitely don't want this one to sit in my drive and have me wondering what to do with it.

(The novel, aka WOWO, aka IM AU (2021): 150k written in a little over five months, even with extended breaks over the summer. Still hits, even with all its crazy decisions, maybe because of them, but it's also been too long, and it will always remind me of someone who kinda hurt me. Attempts to replace those memories by sharing the story with others, trying to gather whether it's worth posting, have failed, lmao. One day! Maybe!)

But yeah. Uuuuuhhhh. As I've said… Twelve chapters in ten months, 85k words… It's still not done. In fact, I've repeatedly said I am unsure of how to end it (beyond the obvious), but I'd estimate it to be under 20 chapters. I'm not posting it anywhere yet because I want to be able to edit it as a whole and try to make it more consistent; to add little details as I come up with them. There's also the fact that I am not skilled enough to write a compelling story that mixes politics and emotion into something remotely engaging. As a result, the story's politics are very surface-level, and probably repetitive at points, but it's also true I've always been more interested and focused on the emotional journey and the relationship(s) at its center. (Which should surprise exactly no one who's ever read one of my stories.)

But, as critical as I might sound of myself here, I am having fun writing this and I'm committed to seeing it through. I just keep having ideas for stories down the line, putting actual show events through a 'but she also has a kid' perspective.

[bumblebee-be]

GET TO KNOW ME tagged by @barbiediaz

nicknames: talia, tals, tal, t, tata (ONLY family), peanut (only my mom)

zodiac: taurus, libra, libra (taurus)

height: 5'5-6"

favorite music: alternative, indie (pop/rock), singer/song writer, GOOD country, but it's more about the son/gartist than genre

sweet/savory/spicy: depends on the mood but usually sweet

relationship status: as single as anyone can possibly be

followers: almost 300

following: around 250

do you get asks: rarely

amount of sleep: anywhere between 5-8 hours

what are you wearing: a harley davidson shirt i got thrifting

dream job: social justice lawyer

languages: fluently: english, some: spanish, ASL teensy bits from traveling: greek, italian, french

random fact: i'm currently working as a nanny for three boys under ten!

aesthetic: uhhhhhh you know those raccoons that like root through the trash but occasionally manage to slay?

last song: currently listening to scrawny by wallows, last was please by daisy jones & the six

last film: uhh it might have been sleeping with other people?

currently reading: i'm starting red rising asap (lee's influence) but currently i just have a book of plato's writings i've been perusing

currently watching: suits (first time), new girl (rewatch), shameless (rewatch)

current obsession: the kids im nannying for (i really need to revive a hobby. or get some friends over the age of 10 and under the age of 30.)

last thing you googled: ...johnny sins. i was having a discussion with a friend and he couldn't believe i didn't know who that was and told me to google it. all i could find is that he was rumored to palay lex luthor. apparently that wasn't correct.

tagging @mysteriouslyyounggalaxy @aziraaphales and @eddiebabygirldiaz

[vasattope]

Thank you @plushyluke @whenyoulovesomebody and @hideitaway for tagging me 💜✨

8 shows to get to know me:

Supernatural (oh how I love to suffer and how badly obsessed with Sam and Dean's story I am. I love these brothers too much and I've seen all 15 seasons. I've lost count of how many times I've rewatched seasons 1 to 5, honestly. Also there're a lot of good fics in this fandom so there's that)

Queer As Folk (US) (the only show that has the one and only Brian Kinney. What else can I say? I bought the whole series on DVD over 10 years ago and it's still one of my most precious possessions)

Bojack Horseman (the way this show portrays mental illness and human relationships is incredible. Every time I rewatch I discover details I didn't notice before. I can never have enough of it)

Friends (well, it's Friends, my first sitcom, I keep it inside a special place in my heart and I still find it funny every time I watch it)

Parks and Recreation (I've chosen Parks and rec and not The office because I saw this one first and it's the one that made me fall for mockumentary comedies. It's embarrassing how many times a day I can quote this show)

House MD (even tho I never finished it cause I stopped watching at the beginning of season 7, I loved it from the start. I shipped House and Wilson SO HARD, you don't even know. Also it was the first show I watched in English with subtitles because I couldn't wait for Spanish TV to translate it... You could say it was the beginning of an era lmao)

Haikyuu (this show dragged me out of a really dark place back in 2017, made me reconnect with old friends and helped me make new friends. I never liked spokons, but this one? Omg, this one is perfect. You can ship literally everyone if you want to and it's so wholesome and heartwarming... I love Haikyuu so much it hurts)

Avatar The Last Airbender (I've also lost count of how many times I've rewatched it, it's cute but also funny and tragic. I love it)

Special mention to Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, another show for those who like to suffer over two brothers tragic story. It's fantasy at its best, conspiracy and war. It's just perfect.

Ok, so I've chosen these shows cause I've rewatched them more than once at some point in my life, you could say they're my comfort shows 🤭

I don't know who hasn't done this already so I won't tag anyone this time... but if someone sees it and wants to do it, feel free to do so 🥰

[mytragedyperson]

Thoughts I had while watching/regarding bungou stray dogs

Before I begin I just want to say I don't want any hate for any thoughts and opinions here. We're allowed to disagree and have a different opinion regarding this show and these characters but what I don't want is a bunch of people being rude because we disagree on this show and these characters. Unlike the characters in this show I'm actually a real living human being with real human emotions. I'm not going to be a dick to you for your opinions, I just ask that you don't be a dick to me for mine. Also I'm lazy and I've already sent most of these thoughts to my friend who does not watch this show so I'll just be copy and posting those messages here as I wrote them to her. As I write this I'm on S3 E36, but I have been sending these messages to my friend since I started watching it yesterday and since I'm posting literally every thought I sent to my friend there will be things that are wrong whether I know it or not, so just a little forewarning for that. Also most of these thoughts will be going up to the first episode of S3 though I may later add to this with other opinions when I inevitably rewatch this and get to season 3 again.

And then he instantly ate the candy before she could try it but the thought was there. Also it was funny. Then again I also thought Dazai having Atsushi throw the phone just so Akutagawa would jump after it and immediately hanging up was funny. It was cruel, it was mean, i still laughed because I'm not so secretly a terrible person and this show brings out my worst qualities. What more can I say.

Wait I'm once again watching bungou stray dogs and I'm actually feeling so good right now. So there's a character called Ranpo and there's this traumatised 14 year old called Kyouka who basically had no childhood, and one of the first things Ranpo did is go out and buy her a shit ton of candy she's never tried before. Also he's just generally one of my favourite characters. He's 26 but he's childish, can barely do regular human things but he's really smart like think sherlock Holmes and he doesn't give a fuck but at the same time he's so sweet and just wants everyone to praise him but he can also be kinda snarky and sarcastic? Idk if those are the right terms. Ugh I love him

And then there's dazai who is basically a walking red flag and used to work for the mafia but he is so fun and interesting to watch. He's so manipulative, I actually couldn't tell you how much of his personality is real, how much is fake, and how much is a bit of both. He's also only 22 which I didn't realise until now. I stand by this but now I'm pretty sure nothing he says is a complete lie. Like he manipulates people with the truth more than anything. It's fascinating to watch. And terrifying

Also I there's this sweet friendly happy country boy who seems really Naive but (since this is a world where superpoweres/special abilities exist) he has super strength like can lift a car with one hand strong. He can beat up an entire gang with a smile. But he only has this super strength when he's hungry. That's another thing I like, some of the abilities are overpowered but others have limitations or only work in certain conditions. However then you have the main character who can turn into a weretiger and that for some reason gives him restoration abilities. Like he legit lost a leg in one of the first episodes then turned into a tiger and it was just back with no sign he'd ever lost it. Okay I'm gonna admit I still forget this guys name. Kenji? I will look it up so I can tag him. I'm sorry I don't dislike him I'm just terrible with names. Also I interrupt this past thought to bring you my current thought. I'm currently paused on cannabilism part three. I'm pretty sure Ranpo and Chuuya are still in Poe's book. Also I don't think I mentioned Poe that much in my messages to my friends but I love him. He simultaneously wants to be the best, be praised and get one over on Ranpo. At the same time he wants to be friends with Ranpo. He's adorable, he's lonely, there's something kind of sad about him. Honestly there's something kinda sad about most if not all of these characters but we'll get back to that later. Now on with my previously scheduled old thoughts

And then there's a woman in it who can heal people but only when they're basically dying so if she wants to heal a minor injury she has to almost but not quite kill her patient before she can heal them. I don't have much more to say here, Yosano seems cool and badass and all that but we don't really see much of her. I did really like the S1 episode we got with her but that's the only point she's really had a chance to stand out which is sad.

Also this isn't an old thought but I love how S3 showed that even though Ranpo is childish at times he can be mature when needed.

Could do without the incest they randomly hint at or just throw in in general but I understand its more for humour than anything else and it's rare enough that it can be ignored.

And then the head of the mafia has like a girl who's around 10 near him and idk if it's a translation issue or me overthinking it but it does give me a slight pedophilic vibe the way some things are said.

And yet somehow he seems to actually care about the people working for him. It's so interesting to watch a show where the characters treated as the morally grey imperfect humans they are. Like dazai left the mafia but he didn't magically become good and forget everything that let him survive in the mafia. He never claims to be a good person and he doesn't care. He doesn't care about being good or doing the right thing. The show doesn't treat him like he's always a good person or someone who always does a good thing. Sure, the main character sees him as good or at least not bad but that's because Dazai took him in and got him a job when he had nowhere to go because he's an orphan. I'm also not sure how many of the people he works with now know he's in the mafia. Like in the third episode or something it's said that no one knows what he did before. But it's at the end of that episode we the audience find out he used to be in the mafia, and three of the people he works with are there but they're all either unconscious or dying so it's unclear if any of them actually heard and idk if they actually heard and nothing seems to change after that and it's never mentioned by the detective agency whether they know or not. But the mafia isn't treat like they're wholly evil or bad either. Yes they're criminals, they're murderers they do bad things but they seem to be somewhat supportive of each other and care about each other somewhat, you know kinda like a very fucked up, toxic family that is abusive towards each other but is also like wtf only I can be mean to them, they are my fellow mafia members, no you may not hurt them, only we can kill and abuse our family members dammit kinda way. The kind of thing that's horrifying in real life but can make for some interesting scenes. Also Kyouka and the Red haired woman, I'm sorry I completely forgot her name- the way this woman cares about Kyouka as if she's her own daughter and wants her to be happy.

Also you gotta love a show that isn't afraid to kill off some kids because yes these are dangerous criminals and they're going up against other dangerous killers. You think they're gonna draw a line at killing kids to get what they want? Realism in my anime I love it.

Like I realise that sounds vaguely demented but I'm so sick of black vs white, good vs evil. Having two criminal organisations go up against each other? Yes. Having two criminal organisations and a detective agency go up against each other? Yes. Having the morals be grey to the point where your main character, the character with the best morals, still probably wouldn't exactly be anyone's image of good? Who thinks they can't do something not because of morals but because their self esteem is basically 0, maybe even a minus number? Yes. Of The main groups that have been given names there's not one person among them that I belive couldn't kill someone. Even the ones that don't kill people or don't want to could kill people. And I love that. All the villains, all the bad guys, all the characters feel like they could be real people, exaggerated and dramatic, sure, but at their core all the characters feel real, and most of the relationship dynamics you can kind of understand or feel rooted in real life. When you look at your main characters you're not necessarily encouraged to think they can do no wrong. Ugh god I love this anime

Also I'm now pretty sure that Ranpo at least knows that Dazai was in the mafia. Not only does he have deductive abilities but there's a chance he was working for the agency when Dazai joined. The president of the agency knows and I feel like Ranpo knows either because he was told or he figured out. If he knows he didn't tell anyone. I have no proof of this so far, it just makes sense. If he can put on glasses, look at a complete stranger and know that if they go where they're going they'll die, and by looking at a body knows how and when someone died and who killed them and why, then surely he could figure out dazai was in the mafia or something similar? Idk that just makes more sense to me than him not knowing and, while he is pretty childish, he's also 26. He probably knows that telling the other agency members that dazai is a mafia member may not be the best idea. If he can tell Dazais a mafia member he can also probably guess the others reaction and some of them are new to the agency. Also its a detective agency so it's technically on the other side of the law. And the less people that know, the less chance there is of the wrong people finding out, you know.

They literally introduced these kids for the sole purpose of killing them off to send a message and I appreciate it. Honestly these are episodes to establish a characters past and background why are they so good and detailed.

They literally killed a bunch of kids to encourage someone to kill them. This is madness I love it.

Honestly it's really interesting how the leader of the rival group, who I refuse to call a villain was searching for death and to escape, meanwhile dazai is searching for a will to live, a reason to live. Oh yeah this anime is great but its also depressing and there is a pretty big theme of suicide and murder and death running through it so there is that.

He doesn't even leave the mafia because he wants to become a better person, he does it because his only friend told him to while dying in his arms. Or rather he's indifferent to morality and chooses the side of "good" or at least twilight because he was asked to.

OK I think they know dazai was mafia by season 2. That's what I'm gonna go with. It makes more sense, except then Kunikida didn't know but that could've just been Dazai trying to annoy him so idk. If someone knows who exactly knows dazai was in the mafia please let me know.

The fact that this rich guys power is literally the more money I spend the more power I have is a really interesting reflection of life honestly.

I mean dazai kind of implied that he hopes he can become a good person but I literally think that's just because his friend asked him to.

Also the fucked up mentorship that is Dazai and Akutagawa is so toxic and so abusive and yet to some extent I'm here rooting for Akutagawa hoping he gets the acknowledgement he wants. Look, listen, I know this wouldn't make it pess abusive, abusers do praise their victims sometimes to keep them around but honestly I want him to achieve his goals whatever they may be.

Plus I feel like it shows Dazais character as well. He is manipulative, ge is toxic, he is abusive, he is a killer, he is a criminal. He is a walking red flag and how he interacts with Akutagawa shows that, and yet how he treats Atsushi, the main character and his new apprentice I believe he called him is different. He praises him more, he doesn't hit him as much, the one time he did it was to snap him out of it when he was freaking out. Idk how to describe Dazais character in a positive way abd yet he's so entertaining to watch that I can't help but like him and honestly it feels like the audience is being manipulated just as much as everyone else around Dazai only its worse because we've actively seen more of the things he's done that have been less than good and yet we just kinda shrug and go well that's dazai for you but that's not normal. If this was a real person I'd be very concerned but as its a fictional main character I've decided to just not think about it too deeply. I like his character, I think he's interesting.

Also idk how this falls or anything but this guy was basically called, not even weak just not strong enough yet, by Dazai, literally internalised that so hard that even 4 years later, when he's a lot stronger than he was before, he still thinks he's weak simply because Dazai has never said he's strong.

It's kinda like how I feel watching You. Like you know what he's doing is wrong and he's not a good guy but because you're following him and know his point of view you don't completely hate him. This is more regarding how he treats Akutagawa than un general.

And the thing is this show is actually so sad. Like when you listen to the characters talk and the main theme being looking for a will to live, looking for a life purpose, its honestly quite a depressing show, it just has fight scenes and some silly characters and lighter hearted moments that make you forget for a moment that it's a sad, depressing show.

Honestly this guy with the money is literally spending all his money to try and make his family happy but I cannot figure out how destroying part of Japan makes his family happy. Maybe it's something to do with this book he's looking for.

Yeah also I love how impersonal group 3 seems. Like there's the armed detective agency, the mafia and the guild, and the guild are doing all these things but at the end of the day it is just a job for them. They don't actually care about each other or their boss that much, some of them care. it's just a way to make money. I kinda like that.

Also we have Cthulu or some other monster pretending to be human so thats cool.

Also Ranpo made a friend, like someone who isn't in the agency and they can be geniuses together and there's an element of rivalry but they still respect each other and their abilities. I'm so happy for both of them. I did talk about Poe look at that.

They seriously had this grown ass man say he prefers the women in his life to be under 12 so I wasn't overthinking the pedophilia they were putting in. It's good to have this clarification though, and as my friend pointed out still doesn't need to be there but there it is and I can't change it so let's just go with it.

Also Dazai just kinda knows everything and everyone and he's slowly puppet mastering everything. Like he has people in the mafia who still seen loyal to him and do what he tells him. He kind of has a friend in the government. He's in the armed detective agency. And there's 2 years where he was hidden that I still know nothing about so basically all I'm saying is I'm pretty sure Dazai is secretly in charge of all of Japan and everyone else has just failed to realise this yet. Still stand by this and if its not true yet it will be.

OK we had Cthulu and now we have what appear to be demons and apparently the mangas have vampires so this should be interesting.

I mean it makes sense. If they can have supernatural powers why not have supernatural beings as well.

And now one of the characters is a vessel for a god and has been this entire time.

Honestly it's so funny to me to go on tumblr and see people be like oh dazais toxic, he treats Akutagawa badly. Like yeah obviously he's a mafia agent. He's an executive. He was 15 when he joined and I doubt he's much older when Akutagawa joins. Akutagawa is his subordinate. It's like obviously mafia members don't treat their subordinates well. They're the mafia. "Oh Dazai manipulated and strong armed Chuuya and Akutagawa into joining the mafia." What as opposed to the honourable recruitment methods usually used by mafia members? Like they think that's gonna make me find the mentor mentee relationship any less interesting? They also seem to talk like finding this type of dynamic in a fictional show with fictional characters means you somehow support or are fine with abusive dynamics in shows which is literally not how this works? Like you can find something entertaining in fiction that you hate in real life. Like personally I find mind control powers really interesting but in real life they'd be horrifying and I'd hate if they were real. I honestly don't get how seriously some people take enjoying a fictional dynamic between fictional people. And by the way before anyone tries to twist this to say oh so you think it's OK for some people to get abused just because they're in the mafia? No I don't think that, abuse is abuse and abuse is always wrong in real life but that's also how things are in the mafia and among criminals and people in general. That doesn't make it right or good. It's just how things are, just reality, an unfortunate reality but a reality all the same. Sorry if this seems really antagonistic and stuff. It just annoys me when people act like enjoying a fictional dynamic in any way reflects your real life dynamics. Though this may also be because I accidentally tripped and fell into shipping dazai and akutagawa. Listen, I didn't want to ship them, I didn't expect to ship them, and yet ship them I do and I can't change that. As I said in real life this dynamic is horrible and no one who claims to love you should treat you like Dazai treats Akutagawa. I didn't get a choice in this one. I didn't even need fanfiction to make it happen. My brain really looked at all the characters in this show, all the possible ships and went that one and pointed at one of the most toxic ships in this show. I'm sorry I'm disappointed in me too but it could be worse, so I'm just gonna ignore any negativity associated with that particular opinion.

Also if the story I was supposed to take from the dazai and chuuya 15 years old episodes was supposed to be that dazai was a terrible person and a dick and a villain, I'm sorry to say that was not the message I got. I'll be honest I didn't really take a message from the whole Chuuyas former group and dazai conflict, I was too busy thinking of that undertake song you sometimes hear on tiktok you know the line "you're only still alive because I made a promise". And honestly those kids sucked anyway, family isn't something you hold over someone's head as you owe us situation. Dazai was mostly honest about his actions? Like I feel like he never directly lied. Of course there are plenty of ways to avoid completely lying while also not telling the full truth. Is it really Dazais fault everyone was so easy for him to predict? Now did he have to call the boss or reveal he was from the mafia? No. Obviously not but at the same time why should he hide it? He has no reason to. And let's face it whether those kids showed up then or not ,Chuuya was always going to end up working with Dazai to some extent, he already had and also, he still wanted answers for himself. The teens were the ones that decided that was a betrayal and decided to try and kill Chuuya and join up with the mafia's other rivals, which the mafia obviously wouldn't like. Was it manipulated and puppeteered? To some extent, dazai certainly did things on purpose that he didn't have to do, predicting it would cause a specific reaction. But predictions aren't always right. Dazais plan working still relied an awful lot on other people's reactions and choices. And no I feel no emotion for the fact they're 15, so were Dazai and Chuuya, they were still perfectly willing to kill Chuuya for a perceived betrayal. And in response to that Chuuya agrees to Dazais terms to save them. Thus why my brain just went "you're only still alive because I made a promise". Anyway, yeah thise are my thoughts on that i won't comment on Akutagawa's joining the mafia yet because I haven't seen that flashback yet, and Dazai did still mistreat them. I did get the message that he's a master manipulator and can be dangerous but this had already been established.

[star--anon]

Rewatched Maze Runner

Warning! The following below contains giant paragraphs of rambly, out-of-order thoughts on some random movie. Viewer discretion is a word.

If everyone could go ahead and remember that, apparently, the stage directions for the introduction of the Runners is, "A group of kids sitting far away from the crowd, not really joining in, like war veterans that never assimilated back into society"

I've always had the vague sense that Thomas and Newt were such a popular duo that, in later movies, Minho was somewhat overlooked in order to make room for the two. I can't tell if it's just the movie's reinventing of Minho's character (let's be real: book-Minho and movie-Minho are two different people), but I think the overlooking of Minho happened since Day One, honestly. Like, during the scene where Thomas, Newt, and Minho talk to Jeff (doctor guy) about Teresa? And Newt gets all the sassy lines and Minho stays quiet?

He would not fucking say that.

(don't get me wrong I love Newt; I just wish Minho got to shine more. He's so loud and confident and sassy in the books. Not only did we lose that, I also feel like we didn't get anyone to replace that. Newt's a bit more broken than Minho is, so as sassy as he was, he couldn't be book Minho levels of sassy. So we just kind of completely lost that cocky attitude entirely. Also, cmon man, I deserve this. I never get to see Asians be the sassy ones in movies. We're always the nerds.)

Also if we got more sassy Minho it'd make the scene where Thomas and him follow the Griever core beeping thingie to the Griever Hole so much funnier. Minho looks so lost and confused during that scene lmao

It's worth mentioning that Gally's respected enough to be the one to cross off Gladers' names from the walls after they die. Like, it cannot be a coincidence that the two times we're shown where someone gets their names crossed, it's Gally.

"He built half of this place himself." Yeah, man. Gally is a respectable character in the Glade. There's a lot of subtext in the movies, but I feel like that's totally glossed over by the fandom. Then again, I wouldn't know. I don't hang out in the Gally tag to be honest. Too much xReader smut there.

Just a reminder that there's a deleted scene before the scene where Gally pushes Newt to punish Thomas for breaking the rules. Minho bursts into the room and goes, "What the hell, Gally? You think you can call a Keeper meeting without us?" And after Gally tries to get Thomas to leave the room, he immediately snaps, "He stays." And that should've been left in the movie. ONCE AGAIN THEY CUT OUT MINHO BEING COOL AND CONFIDENT. WE WERE DONE A DISSERVICE

"Gally-" (placatingly) "Nah, Fry." Damn I want more Frypan. This one scene, where Frypan then proceeds to chase after Gally, has so much behind it. I want more Frypan dammit

When Minho and Thomas are exploring section 7 and discover the Griever Hole? Before going in, Minho turns and asks, "You sure about this?"

He would not fucking say that.

Just for the record, Gally is scared. I feel like that's not talked about a lot. He's not... Okay, well, I mean, he is a plot device that is mad at Thomas because the plot requires it. BUT HE IS ALSO a terrified kid! "For three years, we've coexisted with these things. Now you've killed one of them. Who knows what that means for us?" HE'S TERRIFIED HE'S SCARED THOSE ARE THE WORDS OF A SCARED KID WHO DOESN'T WANT TO DIE!! JUSTICE FOR GALLY AHHHHHH !!!

Having a VFX guy to be the director was a genius move. The scene where the walls in section 7 start closing in on Thomas and Minho is genuinely beautiful and exhilarating

When Alby wakes up and the Main Gang (my term for the group of main characters) burst into the room, and Minho immediately asks Teresa, "Has he said anything?" AHHHHH T^T He cares, he really does. Beneath all that attitude, he cares.

Damn Wes Ball was such a good fucking pick to direct this movie. And anyone who worked on the VFX deserves so much love. And money. Mostly money. but love too! Anyway, the night scene where the Grievers come in and kill a bunch of kids is fucking beautiful. I think I got too used to Marvel, where all the shitty CGI is covered up via super fast cuts that make it difficult to keep up with the action. It's so nice to take a breath of fresh air for once.

Wish we got to see more of the Gladers fighting back against the Grievers, though. Two people throw a spear and that's it? C'mon.

"Chuck, don't let go!" "No shit!"

Ooooooooh, when Alby goes insane and rabidly hacks away at the Griever tail holding Chuck? Dammit I love him too.

I think it's because I'm aromantic but I hate it when an artificial romance just completely overshadows any genuine friendships made. I always hated that the first half of the book is Thomas forming tentative relationships with the Gladers, and then Teresa comes along and Thomas totally prioritizes her over everyone else. I like movie Thomresa a lot more.

When Minho whips his machete out after Thomas gives his bloody inspiring speech? *kicks feet and giggles*

It's worth mentioning that Minho always runs behind the group of kids? I've noticed this in Scorch Trials, too. Minho always runs behind everyone, even though... y'know. He's faster than them all. It's kinda cute; he's making sure nobody falls behind.

Okay, but genuinely, though? I have my gripes with the books and movies' writing, but the movies' diversion on Chuck's death is genuinely good. Twice, he almost died (Griever got him, he almost fell down in the Griever hole). It's like they want to nail home that he has plot armor so when he actually dies on the third time, it totally comes out of left field. I feel like if I hadn't read the books and just watched the movies, that would've absolutely stunned me.

I usually don't bother myself with complaints about movies because I fully believe that some movies have symbolism and social commentary and character arcs and some movies are just to stimulate happy chemicals in your brain for 2 hours, and both types of movies have value. However, I will say that the "detail mistake" that Minho knows the password to the Griever Hole starts with 7 is kinda unfounded. They're literally in section 7. If you're being asked the pattern of the maze while in section 7, you'd probably start with section 7.

Everyone say thank you to Jeff for sacrificing himself so we could go on to Scorch Trials and see sassy Minho at his sassiest (still a tamer version of book Minho though). Also say thank you to Jeff for having the most gruesome death. Obviously no blood was shown, but him screaming as the Grievers basically trample him was pretty damn shocking. From heroic self-sacrifice to merciless death. Whiplash.

Big ol' sign that says EXIT Frypan: "Seriously?"

Chuck nervously, hopefully asking, "Is it over?" AHHHHHHHHHH TT-TT

Just saying, I'm sure the first time Chuck gave Thomas his little totem, it was because Chuck believed Thomas could get them out. The second time, though? When he's literally bleeding out in his arms? Where Chuck realizes he's never gonna see his parents AND Chuck realizes Thomas is as close as he's ever gonna get? AHHHHHH

[i-am-borgia]

the look on Alfonso's face will never not be funny

Y'all the System keeps messing my tags all the way up and I'm not about to shorten them so here they are, coherent for once:

So, I've been critical in the past of Lucrezia's reasons for turning to Cesare *physically*, because every time she does so her trigger is being rejected by Alfonso in one way or another. Now, I will admit that seducing one's brother is never a mundane or average reaction when rejected, but social convention aside, this specific reaction bothers me because it seems to showcase Lucrezia's low self-esteem and her love/trust issues. Obviously she and Cesare both suffer from this to some measure, partly because they've been low-key in love with each other their whole lives (sorry Neil), but to make that the thing that pushed Lucrezia over the edge seems like Red Flags Class 101. But rewatching this scene gave me a slightly different perspective that I wanted to throw out there in a bunch of messy and unasked-for tags:

I know that Lucrezia was on a campaign to woe Alfonso into sleeping with her (which couldn't possibly have anything to do with her nascent suspicion that Cesare killed Juan for her, which I do believe got the incestuous mess of season 3 rolling officially), but I don't think that explains her behaviour in this scene. The air is frigid until she mentions Cesare - ostensibly trying to warn Alfonso that Cesare can act like a psychopath when anyone tries to have a discussion with him about Lucrezia, but in reality she gets mentally side-tracked when she starts talking about Cesare's passions and how they're so intense when it comes to his "family". Immediately after she gets all touchy and affectionate towards Alfonso, kissing him etc., when Alfonso clearly looks turned off. He gives her the most awkward laugh in the universite and then randomly leaves (even though he was hardly in danger of losing his virginity, I mean, come on). Lucrezia stares off into space with this discontented but determined expression - and THAT is when she thinks about the conversation and realizes she knows darn well how intense Cesare's passions are towards her. She pays him a visit not long after, and can't go five minutes before making a suggestive remark and basically rubbing up against him. Cesare just happens to be feeling his oats because he's trying on armour, I suppose, and "chastily" kisses her (in the exact same way Lucrezia kisses Alfonso) and things start falling into place for Lucrezia. As some sort of final test, she invites Ces to her room, and the damage is officially done.

Now, looking at it this way, her decision to go to Cesare's room during the wedding or her decision to receive him naked are less about her insecurity invoked by Alfonso's rejection of her, but rather his rejection and the problem with her child (let's keep in mind that Cesare failed to fix that for her and yet she pulled more to him than to Alfonso) seemed to have caused her to feel more secure about the nature of her bond with Cesare - so even though there's a lot of insecurity in her, low self-esteem etc., opting to go to Cesare was her solution for the problem, finding that missing piece of the puzzle. If Cesare, who did not have this same "awakening", had not rejected her time and again after the wedding, I doubt she would have suffered so much from their relationship. She admits to it, really: she keeps searching Cesare out and never tries to pretend that her love for him is planotic. So my closing argument for today, Your Honour (lol), is that that notion originated more or less in this scene.

I'm also starting to see why my tags didn't fit.

Have a lovely weekend everyone!

[fandom-hoarder]

Carry On Anniversary

Monday: What "Carry On" Means to Me

I wasn't going to write anything up for today, because there are so many more eloquent people giving beautiful commentary about when they first watched the episode. But then I got feelings so here I am!

I was looking through my posts from last November to see if I posted anything, but most of my commentary was in tags on reblogs. I didn't post a lot of original content a year ago!

For me, I needed a little time to really process the finale. I was watching with my son, and we had to watch it on the app the day after, so I had tried to avoid spoilers until he could sit down with me. By the time that happened, I was so eager that the whole episode felt like a whirlwind. I devoured it and my emotions were secondary.

I remember knowing immediately someone was going to die when they showed the rebar, but even though it was the finale, I didn't actually expect a real death! When it happened, so casually, and then Dean called Sam over, my heart and breath caught, but I didn't cry.

My reaction was literally: "What? WHAT?? No, but. FOR REAL??" I watched Dean's confession raptly; my ears got hot when he said things pulled right outta fanfic, and think I clasped my hands tightly against my chest at the forehead touch. I don't think I blinked. But it didn't really sink in until it showed the montage of Sam's life, and ngl I didn't cry then either because I just felt Sam's emptiness, and then that damn wig broke the tension and made me laugh.

The episode ended, and I was in my writer frame of mind, analyzing what I liked and what I wished had been different. (If you've been here awhile you know I'm really not a fan of putting kids' names on their clothes lol, but my initial opinion on who that last monster was has done a complete 180. It was good, actually!) Talked to my son about what he liked and didn't--he didn't dislike anything!

It was later that night and the next day that it really started to sink in, and my compartmentalization broke open. Brain breakage happened. Brain worms. ILYSMMBB! QPR SAMDEAN BASICALLY CANON. DOMESTIC MONTAGE! 'ALMOST PERFECT'!!

And I couldn't rewatch the full episode, but I reblogged the fuck out of barn scene edits. I've probably rewatched the barn scene more than the bridge scene, and I've watched that A LOT. And the coda fic. Oml. I've read the fuck out of some coda fic. I read road_rhythm's Where the Bodies Are Buried in December and was still crying my way through it in March when I recorded it. (My 3rd - 8th read-throughs at that point!)

I really didn't think it could get better, especially with the fandom drama, but I didn't really know then what a fucking gift J2 are. Bibro kings, truly. Being able to 'go to' a J2 panel thanks to the virtual con felt like such a personal experience. Finding out all the bits they'd changed and added. Hearing their headcanons for Sam and Dean and heaven. Not having their soulmatism undercut by 'and then they split off to separate forever-afters'.

Utterly amazing.

And what really made me type this all out just now is a random thought I had while watching the fanvid I just reblogged:

Supernatural gave us the complete ending I'd hoped for Merlin. They got the dying confession, but they also got the reunion after being split apart by death! SUPERNATURAL ACTUALLY RESOLVED A PERMANENT DEATH IN A WAY THAT FELT LIKE A BALM TO MY HEART. THEY MADE A PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP THE DEEPEST AND MOST MEANINGFUL KIND OF LOVE IN THIS SHOW.

THEY GAVE A SHOW THAT HAD BEEN FULL OF DESPERATE DECISIONS, WITH TERRIBLE CONSEQUENCES, A HAPPILY EVER AFTER!🤯🤯🤯🥰🥰🥰

It honestly made me, an aspec person, so happy to see other fans leaning into the qpr of it all. How is this even real? A year later, I'm still reeling. And I honestly hope I never stop.

❤

[covered-with-ink]

3 for the ask game :]

Hi! You're my first anon ask here, what a surprise! :-D Anyway...

3. What do you think about [specific character]?

Since you didn't specify who you're thinking of, I decided to just go and share my opinion about the main cast.

Light - He's a total asshole (affectionate). I remember that in the first few episodes, I didn't care about him, I just acknowledged that he's the perfect tool for delivering the complex plot. When we got to Naomi's demise, this turned upside down, though. From then, I became intrigued with his thought process, and watching him get to rock bottom was...really fun. I love Light, and I tend to get emotional about him. L - Fun fact, when I first got into dn, I started off as a huge L kinnie! But unfortunately, over the months my passion for his character somehow disappeared. It's been a long time since I rewatched the first half of the anime. I still appreciate his character a lot, and I've been thinking about him a lot, recently. And I agree with everyone who says he's certainly not a good person, he's just the lesser evil out of the two. (If you want to see how I like to perceive his character, then read this fic - https://archiveofourown.org/works/36100453 - by @SeventhFracture, but mind the tags! This fic is currently my favorite though. :-D) Misa - I don't particularly like her, but I don't think she's annoying either. I deeply relate to her because of her totally unrequited feelings for Light. She surely made some reckless decisions, but I think her presence makes the show better. So good points to Misa. And I like her and Rem.

Mello - I liked Mello and his way of seeing things and his intelligence certainly impressed me. But his arc was rushed, both in the manga and the anime, with a lot of plotholes I couldn't overlook. I wish we got to see him more. Near - It's complicated. First of all, I'm convinced that they're trans, and no one can change my mind about this. It's hard for me to relate to them, mostly because of their stoic behavior, but that also makes them one of the most interesting and dangerous characters in dn. Near is a very complex character, and I'd like to explore them more in the future. Mikami - wow. huh. As you can see, I created a Tumblr blog because of my immense love for him. He's my all-time favorite, and I can't get enough of him. There are so many aspects of his character, so much foreshadowing and dropped clues about his personality. Due to this, I believe he should have been given more screen time and scenes, so we can all explore those aspects more. Still, I'm not angry that particularly angry that this didn't happen. This way I have more chances to fill those tiny holes myself, and I truly enjoy it.

Thanks for reading through my longpost, and thanks for asking dear anon! I hope this is the answer you expected, but if you'd like to know my opinion on other characters too, feel free to drop another ask! 📷

[finduilasclln]

#and I don't think Travis was ever indifferent about Emmett

He really, really wasn't, omg. Sometimes I'm really curious about their first meeting because Travis took him home, and then Emmett stayed, and then Travis just couldn't stop caring. Like, in those early episodes it's very much it's very much Emmett who is all "don't coddle me because I'm a probie" and "don't treat me differently because we hooked" up and "don't make a thing of it". And Travis keeps caring and trying despite all that. Until it becomes clear that Emmett isn't cut out to be a fire fighter and that hits him where it hurts and it catapults into the other direction. He never responds to any of it with a shrug, like, the "DON'T EVER SAY MY NAME AGAIN", that is some serious jilted at the altar dramatics, Travis.

IDK, so much of their early relationship happens of screen, but I feel like it's very obvious from Travis's strong reactions to everything Emmett does that he was really into him from the start.

I'd love to see or know more about their first meeting as well. Emmett was very much introduced as a one night stand that lingered a bit. And then oops, he starts working at the same place Travis does. And oops, he's in the closet! Awkward! So yeah, I'd love to learn more about how they got in contact.

I really have to do a rewatch because I've only seen it once, but Travis is definitely paying special attention to Emmett when he starts working there as a probie. The fact that Emmett is also a firefighter... Throwback to Michael. Does Travis feel like he's at risk of losing yet another person he's romantically involved with to the job? And then Emmett not wanting to be a firefighter at all... How does Travis feel about that? Relieved because now he's not in danger so much? Disappointed because firefighting is such a huge part of his life, because Michael was one as well, and how can anyone not want to become one? Mixed feelings for sure.

The fact that Travis is angry at Emmett for such a period of time tells me that he does in fact care. He probably doesn't know how to handle the fact that he's developing feelings for someone again. Because caring about someone equals being at risk of being hurt when they leave. Because caring about someone new after losing a spouse probably brings home a lot of new feelings of guilt as well. Is he "allowed" to fall in love again? Does that somehow dishonour Michael's memory and what they had? Does it mean he somehow cares less about Michael if he starts caring about someone else? I can see all those things going through Travis' mind.

On top of that, Emmett does some things Travis doesn't agree with. He stays in the closet longer than Travis would like. He lives his life (in the beginning anyway) in order to please his father and not to do what he himself wants in life. Travis probably can't handle the fact that he's developing feelings for someone who is so different than him. And all of that makes him so angry! But like I said in my tags, the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. And the fact that Travis is angry shows that he's not indifferent to Emmett. At all.

So I absolutely agree with you that while we didn't see a whole lot of their early relationship (Unfortunately. I wonder if it was always the plan to get them to where they are now? Or if they gave Emmett a larger role on the show because of how good Jay and Lachlan work together?) it is clear from what we do see that Travis is not unmoved by Emmett, from the very start.

Sorry. I kind of word-vomited there. :)

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

Movie Night (ft. Cas's t-shirt)

THANK YOU for the ask, Dear Anon! I'm very flattered that you enjoyed the last one, and hope this meets your expectations! I WISH I could tag you in this, but you're on anon so.. Anyways, I went for Tuesday movie night idea, and clubbed it with a 'cute t-shirt prompt' I received and it got long AF but please leave a comment if you read and like!

*

"Ahh," Dean let out a perfect sound of exhaustion meeting the plush comfort of his couch. "It's finally Tuesday."

Sam snorted from the side, because his relationship with tuesdays had been kind of a love-hate. Not that Dean ever took him seriously - he doesn't blame his brother, really, because he wouldn't believe Dean either if he told him 'a piano crushed you to death' or any of those other ridiculous ways in which he'd died.

"If you like movie nights that much," Jack added, from the side - he was settled in one of the big chairs, looking more like a kid than he usually did. "Why don't we watch movies on other nights, too?"

Sam leaped to answer, ever ready to squeeze in a lesson for the nephilim. Good values needed to be a part of the upbringing. Children need to be taught by example. "There's an analogy we can use for this, Jack. Say, uh, Dean loves his birthday very much." Dean frowned at his brother. "Because of the pie, and the gifts, and all the beer." Dean shrugged. "So, he wishes on his birthday candles that everyday be his birthday!" Sam paused, and Dean wondered why he spoke as if he was talking to a kid, and not the strongest 2-year-old ever. "But, what happens then, is that he keeps growing a year older on each birthday - that is, everyday!"

Jack looked alarmed. "That's - bad."

"Yeah, because then I'd grow to be 60 in like a month and die." Dean added, in a deadpan.

"It won't take you thirty years to get to sixty." Sam reminded him.

"Shut up, Sam." Dean scowled and turned back to Jack. "Listen, kid, this isn't about all the good movies in the world getting finished too soon, if we watch 'em everyday. It's more about the attitude."

Jack nodded.

"Like, uh," Dean swallowed. "Like our dad always taught me and Sammy, hunters need to live a disciplined life. Can't just start watching a movie whenever, because that'll make your head feel like you're giving it permission to do crap, just like that, without a routine. That's never good for a hunter - even less so, he'd say, for the sons of an ex-Marine. Messes your head up, and takes away your ability to fixate on your decisions." Dean paused. "It's not like I've not watched movies on a Saturday because I wanted to, but the old man made sense - it's just, a routine is better to stick to."

"That sounds like a horrible amount of behavioral psychology to associate to an activity as trivial as watching a movie." Came a new voice, as Cas stood in the doorframe, his head just slightly tilted as his eyes looked straight at Dean.

Dean's exhale was caught in his lungs, and he blinked, staring at Cas with a chest full of air, and still feeling like he'd sink instead of buoyant. Cas was no longer in the trenchcoat and pants - he wore grey pyjamas which fit snug over his thighs, and a t-shirt which had to be new, because holy fucking shit.

He'd have noticed the angel walking around their bunker, wearing a black AC/DC shirt like that - simple, to someone else, perhaps - yet the way it fit over his biceps, widened his shoulders a bit more, and gave an elevated look to his chest because of the smooth descent to a toned abdomen - rendered Dean incapable of looking away. Complete with his hair sticking up at odd angles, hints of a stubble and inspecting eyes focussed on Dean, he looked like the stuff of Dean's (guilty, oh so guilty) dreams.

"H-hey, Cas." Dean cleared his throat, shifting on the larger couch to make space for him. He waved his hand dismissively to disregard all that he'd just said. "Forget about that, it was crap - come sit down." He suggested, breathlessly.

"Look who finally joined us," Sam addressed, in a normal voice and not even bothering to look up again - making Dean wonder why he didn't get all caught up in Cas's t-shirt, like Dean just had. He was unfairly attractive - but not just to Dean, right?

"I'm sorry," Cas replied, as he sat down next to Dean. Not a single part of them touched, since they were on opposite edges of a large couch Dean originally got for Sam and him - but there was still a tingling under Dean's skin, which had to be Cas's fault. "I couldn't find any socks." He turned to Dean, suddenly smiled, and tugged his pyjama up a little to show him the socks he wore. A pair of fucking novelty socks, they were - but Dean found himself grinning mindlessly, as Cas crossed his legs under him, and the visual was taken away from him.

"Of course, you couldn't." Sam inputted. "Dean hasn't been doing the laundry lately."

"Why am I the only one supposed to do it?" Dean threw back, and Sam didn't say anything to it.

"Nevermind." Cas declared. "I found socks, unwashed though they may be. Let us start." He referred to the movie.

Jack had fell silent for a moment, and he spoke up again. "Yeah! What are we watching today?"

At the same time that Sam opened his mouth - probably to drag Dean on how they better not watch something they'd just watched - Dean spoke up. "We're watching The Fellowship of The Ring, today."

"We just watched that on literally the third Tuesday of March -" Sam complained.

"Listen." Dean threw back. "Don't shove your crazy awesome memory with movies and dates, in my face - 'cause my brain forgot the movie already."

"Forgot? You probably can quote it line by line, Dean." Sam frowned. "But I guess you're not satisfied until you flawlessly recite it in your sleep, like Lost Boys."

Dean flashed his best shit-eating grin, and if that's what he was gonna do, he wasn't gonna agree with Sam. "Well, it's what we're watching, Sammy. Deal with it."

Sam narrowed his eyes. "What about Jack? Or Cas? Why don't you ask them if they want to watch Lord of the Rings again?"

"I do." Jack announced, brightly. "I like Frodo and Samwise Gamgee." Sam rolled his eyes. "But, I could also watch something else. I trust Sam's recommendations, after Harry Potter." He added, faithfully.

"Careful, buddy, Sammy's raising your son to be a nerd." Dean muttered to Cas, and he nodded, as if it was a line that needed to be answered with a nod.

Sam grinned like it was victory handed to him on a platter. "He said he could watch something else, Dean."

"What about Cas?" Dean turned to him, rotating in his seat. "Whadd'ya wanna watch, buddy?"

Cas pursed his lips, as if in deep thought. The deciding element. The one who'd tip the scales in the favor of one of the Winchesters.

"It's not Sophie's Choice," Sam grumbled sourly, as if he already knew what Cas would choose.

"Let him think!" Dean shushed his brother.

"I have reached a decision." Cas informed everyone, looking solemnly at the TV, instead of their faces. "We shall watch The Fellowship Of The Ring, tonight." He turned to Sam. "And if there's no hunts and we're at the bunker tomorrow too, Sam's choice shall prevail - that is, if Dean agrees to go against John's sayings and watch a movie on a Wednesday."

"That's fair." Jack grinned.

Dean beamed at Cas, with his little smile and his goddamn t-shirt, which was gonna drive Dean crazy in due time, he was sure. "See, Sam?" He ignored the comment on his father, because it was rare stilted humor, and in a perfect deadpan.

Sam muttered something under his breath which sounded a little bit like 'profound bond' for some reason, and rolled his eyes in defeated agreement, as Dean began to look for the movie.

"Whatever," Sam substituted, not looking up from his phone as the opening credits began to play. "The three of you can rewatch the entire LOTR series if you want, I'll just leave you to it." He shrugged.

"Hey!" Dean was annoyed. This was family movie night. Sam was supposed to be a part of it too. "Lord of the Rings is right up your alley, nerd. Why're you bitch-facing so hard tonight?"

"Well," Sam chewed on his lip. "It's very long, and I wanted to get to bed for an early night."

Dean narrowed his eyes, and hit pause on the remote just as the elves began to narrate. "Why?"

"No reason." Sam stalled. There was an almost familiar edge to his voice and -

Suddenly, it all made sense to Dean. The dots connected in his head, and Sam's reluctance to watch a three hours long movie was suddenly reasoned.

"Why, Sam?" Cas repeated, intrigued. "Are you alright? Do you not feel well?"

"He feels fine. I know," Dean cut in. "He's got a date." Sam's eyes widened before he vigorously shook his head in denial. "Some virtual crap, I bet, because you don't like to get laid, and an actual date may've involved that - but whatever is your idea of a fun time, hey, I'm not judging."

"It's not a date!" He declared.

"Then it's something like it." Dean shrugged, getting surer, with Sam's panicked expression. He knew his brother well enough to read through this cover. "Tell me Sammy, is this a video call with some chick you met online on those awful sites?"

"Dude, no." Sam balked. "I'm on no such awful site to meet chicks."

"Sure, you're not." Dean narrowed his eyes. "Then, who? Because clearly I'm right about the rest of it."

"It's," Sam looked like he didn't wanna continue, would like nothing better than to not finish the sentence. But with Cas joining in on the stare, he let out a subdued, "Uh, Rowena."

There was a stillness in the room. Dean and Cas slowly exchanged a look, and Sam flushed. "Who?"

"We know her, Dean!" Jack corrected, promptly.

"Not like Sam does," Dean shot at his brother, who looked flustered as crap, and it was all Dean had ever wanted from this conversation.

"Dean!" Sam looked grossed out, while it should've been them. He was the one dating a three hundred years old witch. "We're gonna discuss -"

"- if you're about to tell me you'll discuss a case, I swear to call you on your bullshit by calling Rowena right away." Dean challenged, definitely.

"I -" Sam pursed his lips. "I don't need to have this conversation with you, jerk."

"What about the rest of us?" Cas asked, and there was a smirk playing on his lips, which made him all the more attractive.

"None of you." Sam declared, standing up, looking offended. "You are literally infants! Don't breathe a word of this to anyone, Dean, or I'll - whatever, just watch your frigging movie, I'm out of here."

"If you're gonna do stuff, use headphones!" Dean waited until Sam was far enough to not hit Dean for it and yelled after him, as the latter marched out of the room, embarrassed. It was his duty as the older brother to make that happen, so no issues there. He turned back to Cas, grinning at him - and Jack, of course.

"The rest of us are here without the intention of leaving halfway to call a chick, right?" Dean asked, though it was a pretty stupid question for Jack - and if the answer were yes for Cas, he'd have a major-ass freak out right there.

"Right." Cas confirmed, for some reason; his voice rich and gravelly, and Dean's attention was once again taken by Cas's t-shirt - now that his kid brother was sufficiently out of the picture. True, Jack was still there, but that's a different issue. Dean had to hold a reputation in front of Sam, that he could control his senses in the presence of Cas, and that he could rein it in, and that he could do a lot of things which he was very far from, in reality.

"Me too." Jack announced, brightly, and Dean rolled his eyes.

"Jack, you're two." Cas informed him, and Dean had to stifle a snort at the very notion. Nevertheless, he toned down the weird, made himself comfortable in the couch - maybe shifting a little towards the middle, and let out a small, content sigh, for the second time this evening.

He hit play.

*

“Why do we keep making the same mistake?” Dean groaned, his head falling back on the sofa. Once again, like every tuesday ever - they’d forgotten to get food before they sat to watch the movie. Now, around half an hour in, it was all Dean could think about. But getting up seemed like an awful chore.

Cas nodded his head in agreement, grave and earnest. “It’s because we don’t learn our lesson.”

“Dean, do you want to learn said lesson tonight, by not eating?” Jack asked.

“No.” Dean glared at him. “I may be around Mr. No-Food, and Little-to-no-food, but it isn’t wearing off on me.” They’d not paused the movie to have this discussion, so he kept his eyes on the screen as he spoke. “As a human, I have a few simple needs. Such as beer and something like popcorn to chew as I watch a classic with my - I mean, with you guys.”

“Okay." Cas shuffled in his seat, beginning to stand up. Dean frowned instantly, and pulled him down, gripping his wrist. Cas easily succumbed, and was back on the couch with a surprised little bounce - looking at Dean, confused. "What? I'll get you the beer and popcorn, so that you don't have to get up. I can obviously see you don't want to."

Aww, Dean's brain melted.

"Nope." He said, out loud, popping the 'p'. "You don't need to do that. I'll go."

"I volunteer, Dean. It's not about need," Cas protested. "And you enjoy this movie more than I do."

"Sure, but I've watched it a helluva lot more too." Dean raised his eyebrows, and Cas smiled a little, one of those smiles that he reserved for Dean, and made his insides flutter.

"We could just pause it." Jack suggested, not looking away from the TV yet, for the entirety of the conversation.

"No, you keep watching, there's no need," Dean excused, standing up himself, smiling in spite of himself. Cas looked at him, and not at the screen.

"Dean," And that wonderful voice of his swept over Dean's brain and made the puddle vaporize or some shit.

"Yeah, Cas?"

"I could keep telling you what's happening, while you're in the kitchen." Cas proposed, breaking into a wider smile, all crinkly and toothy.

"Aww, Cas," Dean couldn't stop himself in time, staring blindly at Cas's face and short-circuiting in his head. And instantly cleared his throat, and added in a more composed tone. "Okay, you do that. Thanks, I guess."

Dean wondered, as he walked into the kitchen and went looking for the bacon he'd made earlier, what was up with him tonight. He was usually able to hold his tongue in front of Cas - he was usually able to look away from him, even though it took some persuasion. But there was something today, that had taken away his brain-to-mouth-and-eyes filter.

Must be the new shirt.

Dean knocked, obnoxiously loud, at Sam's door before barging in with a plate of bacon and a beer. He saw Sam fast asleep, on his front, and did not know where to go with that, so he left the table at his bedside in case he was going to wake up and resume his midnight call or something.

Then he took the rest of the food and two beers and went back to the movie room.

All through his venture, Cas had kept yelling updates through the door. "Merry and Pippin just hugged Frodo!", "And now, Frodo just met Bilbo again!", "Arwen is speaking with Frodo now!" This had made Dean grin so hard, that he almost dropped the dishes. Damn, Cas was awesome.

As Dean handed him a beer, and put the plate of bacon between them on the couch, Cas whispered to him. "And Arwen just kissed Aragorn, son of Arathorn."

And Dean stared at Cas, his blue, blue eyes and his eyebrows pinched together in concentration, and his crinkled nose - and his goddamn voice, and his way of speaking, and how he just said the words 'Aragorn, son of Arathorn' like an entire fucking dork, and how adorable it was that he'd been doing a live-commentary for Dean, and just - he was almost overpowered by a desire to kiss the perfect little smile tugging at his lips, and palm the stubble-covered cheeks, and maybe, if Jack weren't here, pull that gorgeous fucking t-shirt over his head, because it was distracting.

Dean was instantly taken aback by his own stream of thoughts. He was clearly going crazy.

He could bet it was the fault of the shirt.

*

Okay, but at this moment, Dean needs the remote.

And it's not just because the remote is on the other side, next to Cas, and Dean's brain instantly launches into a scene in his head, when Dean asks for the remote and Cas is too comfortable (he's already holding onto a large cushion like it's a blanket) to move, and he tells Dean to take it himself - and then Dean will have to lean over Cas to get it, and there'll be a moment where he's almost on top of him, and they'll happen to look at each other, and Cas's eyes will flit down to Dean's lips as Dean adjusts himself to reach the remote, on Cas's lap, and maybe Cas says something like -

That's enough.

Dean doesn't need the remote so that something like that plays out in reality. He only needs the remote to lower the volume, because Jack is asleep and he'll wake up otherwise in the war scene and noise that'll follow.

But this way or that, he can see the said scene happening.

Maybe there's a part of him which wants it to happen exactly how it happened in his head.

Maybe it will.

So, with more energy than the sentence needed, he says, "Cas! I need the remote!"

And Cas turns his head to look at Dean, an incomprehensible expression.

But instead of saying a variation of, 'take it yourself' like he was really, really supposed to -

He picks up the remote with his left hand and hands it to Dean simply.

Dean stares at it for a moment, everything forgotten, especially the reason why he needed the remote in the first place. And then he kicks himself for being a goddamn teenage girl about this, and plays off the disappointment with a 'thank you' in the manliest voice he can conjure, and he's pretty sure it makes up for the kind-of-but-not-really pornography he'd been dreaming up. Sam's irritating voice nags in his head, you're confusing reality with porn again.

Of course, Dean is too lost thinking and staring at Cas sideways when he's sure Cas can't see him - to remember to lower the volume, and Jack wakes up with a jolt at the Uruk-Hai screeching at Gimli the dwarf.

*

Jack's going off to his room. The movie isn't finished yet, but he's been dosing off throughout and Dean can't tolerate the insult to the Classic, so he tells him to just go off to sleep. It's been a long day.

"Will you both watch it whole?" Jack asks groggily, before leaving and Dean looks enquiringly at Cas. He only has to turn his head a little, because Cas is much closer to him now. They've both gravitated towards the middle.

"Of course." Cas answers. "Unless Dean needs to sleep." Dean shakes his head confidently, and Jack nods.

"Okay, goodnight dads." He mutters, at least it sounds like it, and Dean would've lost it if Cas's slight weight leaning on his arm weren't grounding him to his current location instead of somewhere panicky in his head.

"Goodnight, Jack." Dean lets out, and he's aware it doesn't sound as constipated as he thought it would, and he's proud of it.

"Dean." Cas speaks up, a moment later. "I think we should turn off the lights."

"What?" Dean blinks, mildly.

"I know neither of us will want to get up later." Cas justifies. "So we might as well do it now."

"Can't you," Dean grumbles. "Can't you use your mojo to push the switch, or..?"

Cas sighs. Then blinks, and the entire room goes dark. Cas's eyes open, and they're gleaming like blue halos of light in the suddenly dark room - and Dean can still make out his face, in the light of it. It's all hard lines and small smiles, from the little he sees. "I need to remember I can do these things, don't I?" He mumbles.

"Yeah, our human incapabilities are wearing off on ya." Dean tells him and they start looking at the screen again.

"You're not incapable if you have to stand up to turn off the lights." Cas replies, and Dean just hums in response.

A little later, Cas speaks again, and he sounds happier almost. "Dean."

"Uh-huh?" Dean looks away from Gandalf on the screen, to look at the angel.

"Did you notice Jack kept falling asleep?"

Dean pauses. "Oh." He smiles too, it coming over him all of a sudden. "Yeah."

"That means," Cas's tone is bright, and Dean can hear his smile. "He's enough human to fall asleep in the middle of a movie, again."

"Human incapabilities strike again," Dean teases, and Cas chuckles audibly and it's a really, really good moment. Although yeah, it's a bit too domestic for Dean to be perfectly at calm - Cas and he are sitting in the dark, watching a movie they've watched so many times before, discussing the progress of the nephilim they've been raising (with Sam, of course) and Dean has his hand around Cas's seat - in what he now feels guilty on realizing is the oldest trick in every guy's playbook. They're both more in the middle of the couch than not, and the beers have been drained to the last drop. One of them doesn't sleep, the other won't - and then there's Cas's perfect t-shirt, which shall drive Dean to madness each time he sees it, and beyond.

*

Slowly, the arm which is on the couch, falls on Cas's shoulder - and it's a rather rapid course from there to it being slung around Cas, with Cas tucked under it and leaning into Dean so that it's comfortable.

It's not that Cas's head is on Dean's chest, or not even that his fingers are playing with the fabric of Cas's shirt - its just that they're so close to doing that, and somehow Dean can't pull back this time.

Like, he suddenly realizes, he's been doing forever.

It's again, a good thing that he pretty much knows LOTR scene by scene, and in spite of almost completely being distracted by everything Cas, he answers all trivial questions Cas mumbles at him in that deep, deep baritone - and there's a heat pooling in Dean's insides, and he can't quite place if its the spot behind his ribs, or further south.

Both sounds most appropriate.

*

Dean is not proud of this, but he fell asleep.

It's not that he didn't finish the movie, because he did - he remembers the last scene (or it could be from a previous watching that he recalls it) but it's just that he fell asleep right there. Next to Cas.

No, not even next to him. Pretty much wrapped around him. And somehow that's - not so wild, after all. It kinda feels awesome. Its not even morning yet, so he has more hours.

He wakes up with his hair tickling his breath and coughs mildly when he realizes that he'd buried his nose in Cas's hair - and his lips on his head, apparently. He straightens, but is sure to not make much movement - because Cas doesn't sleep like they do, he rather drifts off to a sorta-catatonic state but stays very much awake and alert. He doesn't want to wake Cas up, because the angel looks so comfortable, nestled on Dean's chest - that it somehow invokes a feeling of pride in him.

And love.

And that's that. The not-freaking-out segment of this story abruptly comes to an end, and Dean clenches his fist to stop himself from beginning to tremble.

He ends up with a fistful of that goddamn shirt which Dean blames for everything in that night, and Cas stirring awake, and straightening. The weight rested on Dean's abdomen is lost, and it feels weird and colder.

"It's seven minutes to four. Ante Meridiem." Cas announces, in a voice which is roughened by lack of use.

"You should go back to sleep." Dean begs, because Cas doesn't need to see Dean get anxious about the whole pile of feelings he's beginning to feel crushed under.

"Dean." Cas says, in that voice, and straightens some more. He's at Dean's height again, and their noses are inches apart, and Cas looks worried about him. "Dean?" He repeats, and he's concerned, and he's perfect, and his voice is something else, and the way he looks at him is something else like Dean is worthy of all his attention somehow - and the emotions are brimming and he doesn't know what to do with them until he -

He jerks himself ahead, and grabs Cas's shirt for good measures, pressing his lips against Cas's.

It's a moment of bravery, it's a moment of impulse, and it's a moment of utter stupidity because Cas doesn't react -

Until he does, and he kisses back, and he's excited and into it and Dean's taken aback by his vigor and in awe of his own hands which are grappling at Cas's t-shirt for friction as he moans into Cas's mouth.

"I blame the t-shirt," He whines, when they pull away, to look at each other better. And he does.

Of course, he's not an idiot (except for the many times that he is). But what he definitely isn't, is dense enough to not realize that this had been over ten years in the making.

These urges were familiar, and suppressed each time - the sudden feelings were overpowering, except he'd learn to deal with them tactfully, by crushing them with every means possible.

But what had changed today and he'd actually acted on it instead of swallowing it, had to be the tee. It fit like magic, and it perfectly showcased his lean, muscled chest - and gave a peak of his collarbones, and if he stretched, his obliques - and it was as black as his hair in the dark, and ah, it had to be the shirt.

Because otherwise, he didn't know what it could be, that had made tonight - today - this.

Cas still had his hand on Dean's bicep. "This one?" He looks down at himself. "I got it from your closet months ago."

"What -"

"And, you blame it?" He repeats.

"No," Dean shakes his head, anxiously, truthfully as he captures his lips in a kiss again. Slotting in place against each other, and as loving as they were passionate - he had had no idea that kissing Cas would be this amazing. "I love it. I'm gonna need you to keep wearing it. On Thanksgiving, I'm gonna be thankful for it."

Cas laughs against Dean's lips, and says something which is lost in the bliss of the moment.

Nevermind. He has all the moments after this, to listen to him. But he only has this one, at the end of a Tuesday movie night, to enjoy their first kiss (he's pretty sure all the short, little kisses just make up one major kiss). So he does.

*

Edit: Thank you for reading! Would like to tag @iamcharliebradburylevelperfect @awkward-penguin-in-a-trenchcoat @all-or-nothing-baby @styggtroll @notyoursweetbaboo @moderatelypanickedbisexual @but-for-the-gods-three-days and @emmii4 ! If you don't wanna be tagged, I'll remove you from the list, just ask! Have an awesome day!

[rami-writes-blog]

Highschool Sweethearts - Chapter 2 (Reader x Rami Malek)

I'm so glad I have a half an hour lunch break. The flush on my cheeks is still present because of my earlier encounter with Rami. I push it away, I can't be feeling like this. I mean I have a boyfriend.

I slowly walk across the courtyard when I finally find a place where it's quiet, farthest away from the big crowd. While eating a banana, my finger's softly ticking along to the beat of the music I'm listening, on my knee. Suddenly someone plops down next to me from behind and scares the fuck out of me. ''What the fuck dude'' I growl and put on my angry face.

When I see it's Rami my angry face immediately melts. ''I'm -.. sorry. I didn't mean to scare you'' he immediately apologizes. ''No please- I'm the one who should be apologizing. I'm easily startled'' I explain. ''Bad conscious huh?'' he asks playfully. ''No- lost in thoughts I guess'' I say with a pink flush over my face.

When he has his full attention on the pizza that he had just boughts, it's only now I stare at him for the first time. I mean I had looked at him multiple times. But now.. I couldn't stop staring.

He has these tiny black curls, deep blue/green eyes, light toned skin and a really sharp jawline. When he smiles, he makes my knees tremble. He smells really nice. I can't really identify it but – it smells comforting. I've never been good with guys so every single one of them makes me nervous, but him even more so. When I got together with Ty.. I don't know, we were both drunk and he took the first step so it was way different I guess. Plus he was really self-assured, so it kinda came all from his side.

''you want a slice?'' he offers me as he holds it in front of my nose, holding it with both hands. ''Its dubble cheese and salami'' he adds. I nod gratefully. ''Sure, why not? Thanks!'' I say giving him a big smile. After I take my first bite, it's really hot and all the cheese is falling off. I have to make some really weird faces to slurp the cheese slings. From the corner of my eyes I can see him looking at me. He starts laughing at the sight of me struggling with the pizza.

''What are you laughing a1bout?'' I ask with some innocence. ''Come here'' he says as he wipes away the stains of sauce underneath my mouth. ''Oh'' I say flushed. ''Thank you''. I'm too ashamed to look at him so I just stare at my pizza in stead. ''Here''  he says while handing me a napkin.

I wipe my mouth one last time after finishing my slice and after some moments of silence I'm the first one to talk again. ''I'm sorry but- is there any particular reason why you decided to join me for lunch?'' I ask him nervously. ''Well you looked like you might needed some company so-'' he looks at me expectantly. Like I'm about to shoo him away any second.

''HEY BABY'' I hear coming from behind me. It's Tyler. I ashamed say hi to him too. From the corner of my eye I can see Rami's confused look. Probably taking in that another man just called me 'baby'. Ty sits down next to me and as he comes closer to give me a kiss, I can smell the alcohol on his breath. I immediately shake him off ''have you been drinking already?'' I ask him with an astonished look. ''It's only 11.30 am in the morning Ty. What the fuck''.

I know I probably shouldn't take such a tone to him, but with Rami by my side I feel kind of.. More secure. ''Ah baby come on don't be like that'' he tries reasoning with me, grabbing my arm. I try shaking it off but he gets really handsy. Trying to kiss me on my neck, pushing his body up against me.. he even tries grabbing my boob.  I angrily push him off of me the best I can, given the fact that he's much stronger and bigger than me.

I look at him both angrily and disappointing ''Be like what? You're the one that's drunk when it's not even noon. You know how I feel about that''. I get up and take my backpack, tears fill my eyes. He always gets so different when he had some alcohol. He jumps up immediately and grabs a hold of my arm. My anxiety kicks in. ''Ty stop. You're hurting me'' I beg him. The grip tightens even more after that and I'm pretty sure this will leave a bruise. ''And you should watch your fucking tone. Loren'' he growls at me. He intimidatingly bends over me, trying to show me who the boss is, when his eyes suddenly fall on Rami, who now too was on his feet and took a step closer.

It's like I'm nailed to the ground but because he points his his attention to Rami, I manage to free myself from his grip. Tears blur my vision but it doesn't matter. With tears swirling down my face I walk away. ''wh- Loren. Are you ok?'' Rami comes running after me, trying to make sure I'm ok. ''Yea I'm just a bit sick. Imma head home'' I lie to him. Not even looking at him. I don't want him to see me. I don't want him to stop me from leaving.

I'm actually planning on going to my favorite spot. It's in the park, in between all those trees, right at the water. Tears stream down my face as I roll up my sleeve to look at my arm. It already has some huge bruises on it and the finger prints from just moments ago start to show too. I zip open my backpack and take a joint out of some side-pocket. Fuck. Where's my lighter?

As I take my backpack and rumble aroung in it to find my lighter, I can see it looking at me.. I didn't know I had it in there. Or maybe I just forgot. I gently took it out of my backpack. I lit my joint and took a deep swig and slowly let the effect hit me. I look at the discovery from my backpack admiringly. I roll up my shirt a bit to expose a bit of my stomach. I promised myself I'd never do this anymore..

Now feeling nothing but.. Anger? Impotence? Sadness? All together. What it was, I couldn't cry anymore. I take another deep hit of my joint, the blade still between my fingers. Not sure what my next move will be, but my automatic pilot takes over and I put the blade at my skin.

''You mind if I join you?'' a deep voice behind me asks me. I recognize it. I could recognize it out of a thousand voices. It both startles me but also I kind of expected him to come after me. I should've run. I hide the blade underneath my leg, avoiding him from seeing it. He looks at me with a caring look in your eyes. I shake my head as a reaction to his question, tapping next to me suggesting him to sit down.

''You know... You can take off your 'I'm ok mask' now... It's just me''. He exclaims while tugging his knees up . He's probably hoping I'll talk. It's a really sweet gesture and I really appreciate it. But I don't know him. Why should I talk to him?

''So. How do you like school up until now?'' I ask him to distract the attention from this shit. He just shrugs his shoulders, ''Fine I guess'' he answers after doing some thinking.

Still sitting with his knees up, he’s staring over the water. He seems kind of distracted, lost in a day dream. I take full advantage of that moment and take in all the little details of this gorgeous man. Putting them somewhere in my mind where I can rewatch them anytime I want.

His small ears.. His stubble of probably not shaving for a couple of days. His mouth slightly opened. The little frowns he makes. His hair that is kind of messy but not in an unkempt way. How rough it looks but also really soft. The way he fiddles with his fingers. His smell. The small wrinkles around the corner of his lips and eyes. The way his eyes are so mesmerizing.

He turns his head towards me and gives me a sweet and nervous smile. He caught me checking him out and he finds it amusing. I again feel like a little kid that has been caught with its hand in a cookie jar. I quickly look away to hide the flush on my cheeks.

God.. That smile. That fucking smile.

''Well. Something interesting did happen today'' he suddenly says while rubbing his chin in a thoughtful way. ''O?'' I’m generously curious to what that might be. ''I met a really cool girl today'' he says while looking in another direction again. I can tell he's nervous. It's actually kind of sweet.

Tagged: @sleep-all-day-and-all-night​