#i didn't know which to go with so i did both like a coward

[omgfangirlland]

Kinda want a batfam x reader where she was actually loved but she just didn't notice it.

Bruce didn't want reader to be involved so he hid her but to her it came off as Bruce not wanting to deal with her. She never noticed the loving and longing glances they gave her.. The yearning of wanting to call her their sister/daughter but they couldn't as she was born weak and they didn't want her to be in danger. She began to loathe them but also loathe herself for being born weak. She was smart, able to learn and copy moves but never had the strength to properly execute the techniques. She never noticed how the batfam would protect in her in the shadows while she continue to hate them for not caring for her.

(Bonus, she dies and get sent back to the past, finding out that they care for her or the batfam goes back to the past.. Months before her death and makes up for everything)

-🔱

The born weak part immediately made me think of Jeff "Joker Moreau(I still believe we were robbed of this romance option much like how I think EA were cowards for not letting us romance Garrus and Tali from the first game) from Mass Effect the trilogy, because he has a mild(to severe but it doesn't look like that in the games, just the brittle bones and maybe breathing problems? can't quite remember) case of brittle bone disease, and it's essential to his character, so I'm taking a lot from him- needing leg braces, crutches/cane/walker, his attitude-

I'm also making the batfam go back into the past-

Hope this is the thing you were referencing here 😩⬇️

CW: death, inaccurate depiction of brittle bone disease(my only knowledge is wiki and one videogame character)

PS this will have a part 2 because I started at like 4- it's almost 7:30 rn 😩😩 I'm tired :))

When Bruce first saw you in the back of Gordon's police car, you were a mess. Glassy eyes, busted face, both legs broken, and your nondominant hand bruised to hell. The aftermath of a Bane attack that left you alone, no other family members wanting to take in a sickly child like you, too much responsibility.

And it was- but that wasn't what worried Bruce. The man didn't know how soft he could be with his touch, the pats of praise he gave Dick, Tim or Jason could easily hurt you- what if he squeezed your hand too hard and broke your finger? What if he hugged you too tightly and dislocated something, or cracked your rib?

He was terrified. So terrified, he flinched away the first time you tried to hold his hand- he wasn't prepared, didn't expect it- he was sad for two weeks when you didn't try to hold his hand again. And Dick wasnt any better- he was stressed, shaking with the need to just grab you and swing you around like a doll- which you were in his eyes, the porcelain kind that the tarot reader at the circus always warned threathened him not to touch or he's bound to shatter them into milion of tiny pieces.

Jason met you a lot later, and when he first heard Bruce say that you had brittle bones, he didn't much care. "She's not a china plate, Bruce, she won't break if you look at her wrong." He remembers saying, but seeing you was another story. Your room was on the ground level, and seeing your stiff walking, hearing the metal of your leg braces, your hand around a cane, made him choke on his words.

He knew he shouldn't patronize you, shouldn't baby you- you were more than capable, that was very clear- but everytime you went to sit up, to grab something deemed a bit too heavy in his opinion, every time you were going for the stairs, he was the first to say something against it or to react- hindsight 20/20, he came off ruder than he meant to be.

Tim wasn't talking to you. He was afraid his tired mind would slip and say something that would make you hate him beyond repair, and while he wasn't afraid to touch you, he did think you'd hate it if he did. So he kept to the shadows, to the internet, keeping you out of the eyes of the media and nuking comments he didn't like before you could even have a concept of their existence.

Cassandra was your second shadow from day one, simply refusing not to follow you from the shadows once you were out of your room, which was starting to be less and less. She thought it was a bonding activity, but to you, it was just weird events you refused to acknowledge, because your mind immediately went to ghosts. The salt was way too high? You sigh and turn around to try and find Alfred, but the clicking of a glass on the marble countertop stops you. The salt wasn't on the shelf anymore. "...Thanks?" You take the salt and refuse to look at the cupboard again. Cassandra nods to herself, happy to be of help.

Damian was Bruce's little spy. You thought kids didn't want to be your friend because of your illness, but the truth was that Damian was a jealous and protective kid, and Bruce was ready to bite heads off at the slightest mishap. Like when one kid laughed at your walking aid- Damnian was quick to report back to his father, and Bruce was even quicker to threaten the school and student- nobody would believe how terrifying Bruce "Playboy" Wayne actually is when it comes to his kids.

But all that to you seemed like no one wanted to be near you, that nobody wanted to know you because of how you were born. And slowly, you started resenting your supposed family. You didn't care about your colleagues at school- they were strangers, but Bruce took you in- he was supposed to be different.

At one point, you thought he did it for PR reasons- "Bruce Wayne adopts disabled kid" - you were ready to be paraded around, for him to act up in front of the cameras, but the man barely agreed to let you go to an in-person school. Soon after your mind settled that he simply wanted to hide you, that he deemed you a stain on his name or simply not useful to him since you couldn't be Robin- so you remained quiet, a good kid with high grades, because what else could you do in their eyes besides dream and learn?

You didn't remain quiet when Bruce mentioned that a team of pilots and a spaceship crew would be at the next gala. You begged for an hour straight, almost cried, and when he gave in, you sure did- in the coziness of your own room.

On the day of the gala, you dusted off a dress you bought out of pure spite, expensive and too showy for the graduation party your school had planned- you fully wanted to sneak out and just catch a taxi or get a bolt to your school since Bruce forbade you from going, but when the day came you were simply crying too much due to overhearing tit bits of Jason arguing with Bruce about you.

So your day was spent in your room, doing your hair, having a mental breakdown over your eyeliner being sisters, not twins, and you felt amazing- until Bruce stared you down. He was biting his tongue to not cry, he still sees you as the little tween, and seeing you all dolled up made him realize how fast time passed. To you, he seemed utterly disappointed. And an argument almost broke when he refused to let you use your cane, insisting on the wheelchair. He won. For now.

You were on a mission, and a wheelchair won't stop you, not when you'd be so close to your dream- you just didn't expect to meet your dream while Ivy was attacking. Alas- you stole the spaceship Bruce was presenting as a something-something for the Justice League - you didn't care, you just wanted to pilot the babe.

When his voice came through the coms of the spaceships, you did panic, your replies being grunts and hums, and as they complimented you, you felt vindicated- finally, you couldn't wait to see their faces when they realized it was you who learned in second how to maneuver this beauty through Ivy's attacks, that it was you using the weapons on her plants to get them out of trouble.

Ivy wasn't having it. Her anger and desperation only fueled her powers, and as she took care of the bats, for now, she refocused her full attention on the airship. Attack after attack, you evaded and shot, but one vine came down hard on the tail of the craft, taking the wing out with the engine.

The craft was built to withstand a crash, the interior was made to move as little as possible during such a scenario, and the belts were made to hold tight. Anyone else would have gotten some ugly bruises, but anyone else didn't count for someone with brittle bones.

The crash didn't kill you, the broken spine and punctured lungs from the jolt of the impact and hold of the belt did. It was slow and painful, but you couldn't be happier in your last moment.

The family was in ruins.

They didn't sleep that night... or the one after. Everyone felt guilty to some extent, like they could have done more, better, but Bruce knew you would have stolen the ship either way, your diary said as much. You wanted to prove to him and the others you could do it- could be the best at anything you put your mind up to- and you were. You were amazing, your laughter through the coms will be a memory he'll hold dear to his heart. He wished he had said that while he could.

Dick was punching his way through dummies when he wasn't lethargic, while Jason simply locked himself in his apartment, drowning into his own sorrow. Tim and Cassandra busied themselves with anything they could, anything that would distract them from the need to cry, and Damian was close to stealing your corpse and throwing you in the pit- Alfred decided to sedate them- slightly-, what really put them to sleep was the cuddle pile as they watched movies they took from your room.

When they woke up, they did so in their own rooms, deciding to just lie in their own beds for the day, not quite having it in them to get up... Everyone but Tim, who got up to steal the coffee pot.

The young man stopped dead in his track as he saw your disheveled self eating breakfast. He did something he's only done while severely sleep deprived. Passed out. Your mouth hung open as he made impact with the floor, and all you could do was yell for Alfred with worry.

[hufflezki]

summary: remus thinks you're way out of his league. but, to his own surprise, you're here to prove him wrong.

-> remus lupin x gn!reader, just remus yearning & pining, swearing (because, cmon, its remus), inspired by role model's song (with the same name), word count: 1,503

Remus first met you during one of his Herbology classes. Where you helped him with his trouble with the Venomous Tentacula plants. The teethy little bastards annoyed him to no extent—his words—but you had come to his aid and stunned them every time they tried to bite him. He really wanted to make it up to you then, but you insisted. And you never really crossed paths again.

Until James barged into their common room, with you following behind him. Remus noticed you immediately and his breath caught. Turns out James knew you, he had for a while. Ever since he was paired with you for a Charms homework. And you have apparently taught him how to make a flower crown. Which was why James traveled from the courtyard to his common room, just to show his friends the ones you both made.

Remus didn't exactly know how they got you to start hanging out with them. One day you just sat next to them during lunch, and now they’re adding you to every weekend plans that they have. Remus’ friends accepted your addition to the group as if it was just any other day. But for him, it felt quite a lot.

Not to sound like he doesn't like you, it's actually quite the opposite.

Remus could go on with a list about why you're the sweetest person he has ever met. But that’d be never ending, which is probably why he’s in his bed right now, moping to himself about why you just have to be so out of his league. And this was purely coming from after he saw you interacting with Amos Diggory. Even though he probably just asked you a question. Remus shivers at the thought, embarrassed by his own jealousy. He was barely even eating the chocolate you’d given him this morning, having lost the appetite.

Merlin, how did you get him to act like this? He wasn't even supposed to be this miserable so early in the month. And yet here he was curled up in his bed, hiding himself under his blanket, as he let his guilt eat him up. You did look comfortable talking to Amos, though. He wonders if you ever looked at him that way too. If you feel comfortable talking to him at all.

A whine emits from the back of his throat, as he buries his face on his pillows. He was fucked, definitely fucked. You’re too good for him, you deserve someone better. But then he didn't like the image of seeing you with somebody else. So what the fuck is wrong with him?

“Remus? Hey, Moons.” He hears James’ voice as he comes in, closing the door behind him. The curly haired boy comes into Remus’ view with a wide smile, which falters when he sees his friend looking like.. shit. “Woah, what’s gotten into you?” James sits down next to him, eyebrows furrowed, worried. Remus sighs, his mood completely shifted now that James is here. After all, it's hard to wallow in your self-pity when you’ve got company.

“Nothing, I just woke up. What’d you need?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, James, I am quite certain.” Remus presses on, and James lifts his hands up in mock surrender. So, he starts talking about how he’s playing a board game with Sirius and Peter downstairs, and asks Remus if he wants to join. Which he originally said no to, but then James mentioned you’re also downstairs. So, now Remus is making his way down to the common room, following James’ steps.

Did he just spend the last couple of minutes crying about you? Yes.

Was he about to miss an opportunity to be with you? No.

Is he pathetic and a coward? Yes. Abso-fucking-lutely.

And turns out, the only way out of his miserable, depressing, and guilty state is you. You and the sweater you're wearing, that looks oddly similar to his. “Hi, Remus.” You smile once you see him—and it's so bright you might as well put the sun into shame—and he sits down next to you on the sofa.

You must’ve sensed that something's up with him, as you immediately rest your head on his shoulder. And he welcomes it, completely melting once you’re in near proximity. You don’t talk, you don't ask him any questions, you just sit there and offer him your comfort—silently. And maybe that’s just what Remus needs. A moment where he could turn his mind off, and don't let his thoughts consume him.

In a span of an hour, you managed to convince Remus to walk outside. And maybe it's just him trying to distract himself, but he’s pretty sure you might have Legilimency. Because why else would you take him to the Black Lake to see the sunset? If you didn’t know, he felt absolutely horrible? But, on a more serious note, you’ve always been spontaneous. And he likes that about you. Especially, when you pay attention to him so much that you know when things start to feel off.

Things like this, it makes him think if he really does have a chance with you or not.

“This is yours, by the way.” You admit, pulling on his sweater that you’re wearing while looking up at him, expectantly. And his eyes widened. “How?” He seems much more amused than you expected. “I was cold earlier, and this was the first thing Sirius gave me.” Remus raises his brow at the mention of Sirius’ name. “I asked him where he got it, and he said you let him borrow it.” Then you let out a laugh, finding it ridiculous. “Which I was suspicious about, but I didn’t ask him again.”

Fuck, Remus knew exactly why Sirius gave his sweater specifically to you.

“Looks like I have to talk to him about stealing my things.” You smile, glancing up at him and then down on the ground. He watches you kick a few pebbles to the lake, as a comfortable silence falls into you both. Then you say his name, and he hums, meeting your gaze once again.

“If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.” It's sudden, and he doesn't exactly know where it came from, but Remus appreciates your sentiment. More than so, when he finds your hand inching closer to his. And he’s never been brave enough to initiate the first move, yet here is, intertwining his hand with yours.

“Is this alright?” Remus whispers, voice coated with uncertainty. He’s already bracing himself to pull away, expecting the worst. But you tighten your hold, pulling him closer to you. “More than alright.” You assure him, lifting the weight off his shoulders. And he thinks this is the most convinced he’s been that he might have a chance with you. Because, all this time—as pathetic as it sounded—he would only wish for something to happen.

So, what if he did sneak into the Divination classroom, and tried to look into a crystal ball to see if there’s a future with the both of you together? He was desperate! Okay? He wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for the nagging voice inside his mind.

But it seems that he no longer has to come up with such desperate measures. As the universe presents with something more interesting. “Can I tell you something, Remus?” You ask, and he nods his head in response.

“I’ve liked you for so long. And this isn't exactly how I imagined I’d tell you–”

“You like me?”

He didn't really mean to interrupt you, but his mind may have short circuited the moment he heard the words ‘I like you’ . You look at him, baffled as to why he’s acting like this is a new discovery. Which it is, for him.

“Wait. You didn't know?” He shakes his head, and you cover your mouth in surprise. “How come? I thought I’d made it so obvious?” You really did think so. I mean, you’re wearing his sweater for Merlin’s sake! But, typical Remus, he’d rather assume the worst than ever think you had the same intentions as him.

“There might’ve been, uhm, some slight issues with the transmission, perhaps?”

“You mean you really didn't have a clue?” He nods his head, and you can't help the sudden laugh that comes out of you. “Did you tell James or Sirius?” Remus asks, and you nod your head. “I told both of them.” He gawks at you, before looking away to run a hand through his hair, frustrated with himself.

“Is that bad? That I only found out about it now?” You shake your head, things were already going the different direction, anyway.

“No, not at all.”

Maybe this isn't how the both of you expected for things to go. Remus thought you’d never like him back, but here he is pulling you closer after you just told him otherwise. And he felt the strong urge to really make it up to you this time.

marauders era masterlist ꩜ .ᐟ

[thegoldencontracts]

Aishiteru—I Love You

—♡ Whispered confessions of love in a language you really should have realized the both of you could understand.

—Characters: Leona, Ruggie

—Warnings: Reader is a bit dense, in case that's not your thing

—Notes: So, uh, I really did mean it when I said I'm back on my bullshit ww (in the voice of someone who surprised even herself); Anyways TIL male lions roar before mating ahahah guess which section that's gonna come up in (difficulty impossible)

Leona Kingscholar

It was very, very stupid to love someone who would so obviously never love you back. A prince of majesty untold with the bright, sharp green eyes of a predator and beauty that watched both his brains and brawn.

But you loved him. Maybe not. Maybe it was just infatuation, a mix of chemicals influenced by hormones bound not to last, but you didn't care.

And he... he tolerated you. The lion was a difficult one to get a read on, apathy masking all the depths of his emotion.

He thought you were scrawny, you knew that much, for he always shoved a packet of snacks into your hands when you spoke, claiming you "needed to get some meat on your bones".

He thought you were troublesome, as he said repeatedly when he helped you with those stupidly difficult homework assignments. There was a magic he seemed to work into his every word, one that made seemingly mind-numbingly complex concepts become clear as day.

And his henchman thought you were stupid.

"Seriously, Kantokusei-kun, you're denser than a pile of rocks..." The hyena beastman had muttered as you accompanied him to Leona's resting spot. "I'll leave you two to do your thing."

Leona was there, tail flicking lazily and hair perfectly disheveled.

"Herbivore," he said, adjusting his mane. He wasn't asleep for once. In fact, he had no hesitation as he stood, pawing at your shoulder. "You're late."

Huh?

"Late?" you asked. "To what?"

"We always meet around now," said Leona simply.

...Did you? Was it, like, something he kept track of?

Leona roared lowly. Was he angry or something?

"Did I do something wrong?" But he just laughed.

"Don't play coy with me, herbivore," he said. "I think both of our intentions are clear by now."

Was he trying to pick a fight with you? Oh, god, you were not surviving this unscathed. But- But you hadn't even said you loved him! You couldn't die without getting this off of your chest?

But you also couldn't put your feelings out there in the open to be so easily rejected...

You had a solution. Just pick a different language, easy as that!

"Ti amo," you said. If you died staring at his beautiful face you would die happy.

But again, Leona just smirked.

"Took you long enough," he said. "I was startin' to think you were just playing around."

Right. He must've thought you were insulting him! After all, he probably wanted to fight, right?

"It's, uh, not an insult," you admitted. Silence.

"...I know."

What.

"What do you mean, 'you know'? It could very well be one!"

Leona, for once, seemed visibly incredulous.

"Do you need to go to the hospital or something? Get your head checked?" He looked over you scrutinizingly. "Your vitals are alright. What's goin' on?"

"Well-"

"Are you tryin' to say you have bad taste or something?" he said, letting out a self-deprecating chuckle. "Guess you'd be right about that."

"I mean, you don't know what I said! How do you know it's not an insult?"

...

Leona's eyes narrowed.

"Do you think," he said. "That a prince like me doesn't know a basic phrase like that?"

Leona was royalty. Right. Royalty. Who usually had to learn countless languages for diplomacy purposes.

Holy shit, you were stupid. And screwed. Very screwed.

"Thickheaded and a coward," he huffed, though his voice softened. "Got no clue why I like you."

Wait. He liked you?

"Why do you look so surprised?" Leona said. "Thought I made it obvious."

He really didn't. Then again, maybe you weren't the best person to decide what was and wasn't obvious, considering you couldn't figure out that a prince would understand a well-known Italian phrase.

"Well, um." you said. "I love you too!"

For a split second, you could've sworn you saw his cheeks flush darker, before he nodded.

"Yeah," he said. "I figured. Now c'mere."

Without letting you protest—not that you would've—he pulled you onto the bed with him.

"After dealin' with your thick head, I definitely deserve a nap."

But even someone like you could notice his tail was gently wagging.

Ruggie Bucchi:

You loved Ruggie Bucchi.

You loved his smile, his greyish-blue eyes, that dirty blonde hair of his that was just so easy to ruffle. You loved the way he would beam whenever he managed to score easy money or food, the way he endured everything life threw at him with a smile.

And there was his odd brand of kindness. He gave you bits of food he scored when he could, always insisting it was just "to make sure you'd owe him later"—but the time where he collected his debt never came. Every chance he could, he brought back food to share with the children back home. Your subconscious took note of each and every instance, whether you wanted it to or not. And each time, it seemed as if this bottomless pit of romantic pining somehow managed to get even deeper. Perhaps that was an oxymoron. Oh, well.

You doubted he loved you back, though. His gifts were friendly, and as was his smile. Nothing more. Those flushed glances you noticed were mere figments of the imagination. Ruggie Bucchi was a pragmatic individual who most certainly did not care for your affections.

So you kept them hidden. You tried, really, you tried. But the thing about romantic feelings was that they were impossible to keep suppressed.

The scene was a stereotypical sort; the two of you beneath a tree, splitting a sandwich. A light breeze.

This was where all the confessions happened, you thought. You sternly reminded yourself to act normal.

"Shishishi, this is good! Where'dja get it from?" He asked.

I love you so much, you wanted to reply. But you held your tongue. Act normal, you reminded yourself.

"I-I made it myself," you said. He beamed, little canines and agh hewassocute-

Damnit. You really couldn't take this anymore. But you couldn't bear to say those three words aloud either.

But what if there was a compromise?

Something other than English. A language he couldn't speak.

"Wǒ ài nǐ," you muttered. I love you, in Mandarin hinese. You'd heard it in a song once. Admittedly, it was a bit intense of a phrase, but still. It wasn't like he'd understand, anyways.

Ruggie stiffened, eyes going wide as saucers.

"What did you say, Kantokusei-kun?"

"Wǒ ài nǐ," you repeated, because it you still weren't satisfied with saying it once. "Just something in another language. You wouldn't understand."

You didn't mention Mandarin, in case he tried to translate.

"Uh-huh," said Ruggie, looking pointedly away form you.

Wait. Did he... think you'd insulted him?

"It wasn't anything mean, I-"

"I know."

His voice was still curt and clipped, red creeping up his cheeks.

"So," Ruggie said. "Do you know what that means?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

Ruggie cut you off with a flick of the wrist, before looking down, quiet as a mouse. After a few seconds, he spoke, slowly.

"Kantokusei-kun," he started. "Did you know," he cut himself off with a nervous shishi. "-That I can speak ten languages?"

"You can?" It was odd how Ruggie wasn't immediately taking the chance to brag about it, honestly. Or mention the skill's use in soliciting job opportunities.

"One of them is Mandarin," he said.

Oh.

Welp, you had a nice run. It was time to dig yourself into the nearest hole!

"Welp," Ruggie said, red-faced and apparently having had his fill of earnest conversation for the day. "That was awkward. Seeya! Don't be so tasteless with your jokes next time, okay?"

"It wasn't a-"

"Seeya!"

You sighed. Seriously? He thought you said it as a joke?

Maybe he was just uncomfortable and wanted to play it off. Yeah, probably that.

But the next day, you noticed the sandwich he brought you as 'payback' was shaped like a heart.

[leah-lover]

Second chances. Alexia putellas x coach!reader.

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3.

summary : the confrontation between alexia and R.

Alexia always had a hold on you. Her stare would often captivate you and suck the air out of each room you were in. being stuck with her in the physio room, her muscular thighs on full display, was your worst nightmare. Her eyes seemed to devour every part of you and yours couldnt shy away from doing the same. There you both were 4 years after that night still looking at each other like nothing mattered in the world but the person in front of you. Your heart made it  its purpose to quickly remind you of the gaping hole she left in it. You remembered the amount of tears she drew from your eyes, and the delay she caused to your success and career. You shifted in your seat and looked away from her. You reminded yourself that the person in front of you wasn't  the love of your life anymore but the one that destroyed you. 

“ You don't know how many times I imagined us talking like this. I planned this speech many times but now that i have to do it i can't recall a word.” she says breaking the silence. Her voice was shaky which wasn't something you were used to. You hardly ever saw alexia nervous and fidgety which was interesting to witness. You didn't say a word though. You kept your composure as you always did and let her speak her mind. 

“ uhmm. I am sorry. I know that i fucked up really badly. I shouldn't have acted like that that night. I should have fought for you. Fought for us. I should have reprimanded Irene and done everything in my power to help keep us together but I was a coward. I chose the easy road. You don't know how sorry I am. I regret everything and if  I could go back I would stop you from leaving or leave with you.” 

You fantasized many times about what alexia would say if she was to apologize. What you dreamt of sounded like what she said but coming from her it didn't sound as satisfying as would have hoped. It  only made you angrier. You tried to keep your composer because it was your default setting. Your face was as emotionless as you could have it but your blood was boiling in your veins. You waited for her to add something but she didn't. . she was shaking and her eyes were glued on you. 

Realizing that she was done you got up to leave. She quickly hurried to your side. “ So you won't say anything?” she asked, nervousness clear in her voice. “ I said I would hear you out and I did.”  you respond with a monotone voice. 

“ Please say something.” she pleaded. 

“ What do you want me to say? You want me to say that you are forgiven. You are not. You destroyed me and for that I will hate you forever.” 

“ You don't mean that.” 

“ I don't mean what? The part where I said you destroyed me or the part where I said I hate you.” your voice was undermining and insulting which made her body visibly tense. 

“ I was in love with you and you chose you before me. You chose your career before me. You chose your family and friends before me. And what?  you think i am sorry and I regret everything would make me forgive you and come back to you.” you voice and body language were cruel. You laughed at her, undermined her presence and belittled her just with your tone. You saw her shrink before your eyes. You didn't mean to or maybe you did. But the image in front of you made your heart ripe.

“ I was dead without you. I couldnt breath, sleep, or eat. I thought that you would come after me and tell me that I am to you worth more than some stupid trophies or a legacy. I thought that you wanted to continue your life with me and that that night was just a mistake But you didn't. You left me alone and unemployed. You ruined me. You broke me. I had to learn how to breathe again. I had to learn how to sleep in my bed alone. I had to train my brain not to think about you  and not to try and hold out hope that you wanted me. You made me feel unloved and undeserving of everything.” you saw tears escape her eyes and stain red cheeks. 

“ I am stupid. I don't deserve you or  a second chance. But I can't help but miss you and need you. All I have is this stupid job and my memories of you. I replay them every night before I go to bed. I replay how my lips  felt on yours and how your head felt on my chest.  I should have come after you and told you that I love you more than anything but my ambition stood in the way. I thought that my career and the approval of my family  would fill the void in my heart but I was wrong. I love you. “ 

You two stood there with your hearts laid bare. You know how she felt and she knew how you felt. 

“ After all this time I love you too alexia.” you took a deep breath and you saw her eyes light up. “ But I can't trust you. I went through so much pain and anger. I don't think that I am capable of moving past it to be with you.” you swiped her tears away with your thumbs and gave her a quick peck on her lips. She didn't fight back, she wanted more but you stepped away from her and left the room. 

As soon as the door closed behind you tears streamed down your face as you ran away from the hallway. 

You were the last one to board the bus. You saw a glimpse of alexia whose head was lying on mapi's shoulder. Her eyes were puffy, her cheeks were red and your heart was no longer able to keep your feelings for her dormant. Two voices were screaming at you. One was reminding you of how much you love her and the other reminding you of how much she hurt you. You put on your headphones to try and drown out the noise that tortured you. 

Midnight found you awake, the image of alexia’s crying face was burned into your memory. A knock on your door stopped you from cursing yourself for thinking about going back to her. When you opened the door you found Irene in front of you. 

“ Can I come in?” she asked. You stepped aside to let her in. 

“ I am a jerk.” she stated. “ Yeah you are.” you responded. 

 “ You haven't done anything to hurt me but I have done everything to hurt you. I was young, jealous, and angry. Everything that happened was on me and it was my fault. And for that I apologize. I knew that night that it would hurt you and get you to leave so I did it. I was a child jealous that her best friend found love and she didn't. I am not excusing my behavior which was wrong. I am giving you a much needed apology.” 

“ Thank you.” you respond. 

“ alexia loves you. She is deeply in love with you.” 

“ Irene, stop.” you interrupt her. 

“ She truly loves you and she truly is sorry for everything. She would do anything to be with you again. She was a mess when you left. That's why I didn't want you to take the job. I knew how much she had gone through and how much she still loves you. And when I looked at you I saw that you too still loved her. In  an effort to save my friend I was rude to you. Hate me but please try to find the will to forgive her.” 

You didn't know what to do with what she told you. Your heart was burning for Alexia and you knew now that hers yearned for you too. 

You pick up your phone and look at her contact. Will you forgive her or shut her out again?

[palskippah]

Hi! Over the last few months I've made these drawings of my Goldenheart fankid :D

He's Cyrus Goldenheart and he's my newest coolest baby and I love him very much.

Some stuff about them under the cut! And also other things and more drawings sjsj

-First off, know that Cyrus is his English name, because in Spanish he's Ciro Goldenheart- because Ambrosius is Ambrosio in the hispanic dub and that's very cool (also, I'm glad they didn't change Ballister's name to Trabuco and just left it as Ballister askdjsa)

-Also, I love the headcanon that in this universe family names come from the mash-up of last names to whatever sounds coolest. So Ballister and Ambrosius picked the last name Goldenheart (they could've been Boldloin but both were like hell no- And in Nimona's humble opinion, they were cowards)

>ALSO did you know that in the Latin Hispanic dub Ambrosius calls Ballister 'Balli' instead of 'Bal'? It makes it seem much more like a pet name and I love it.

>Also, headcanon that Ballister calls Ambrosius 'Ambrosito' when he's being particularly corny. (It works as a diminutive of his name with the -ito but also, osito means 'little bear' in Spanish, so it's a very cool pet name)

>Also, Ambrosoli, because that's a Chilean candy company, and I think it's funny.

>Now, since they're famous as knights and whatnot, imagine that Goldenheart was the name in which their fans referred to them as a couple- (I know that Balli had been considered a villain and an awful person and stuff after being framed, but I bet his fans came back after the movie ending and whatnot :''v) and then they got married and became the Goldenhearts for real, and people were like YEAH WAHOO bc they love them.

-Years after the movie, and after Nimona coming back and all the fixing their relationship thing, they got married and all, and had planned to adopt a kid some years later (because Ballister didn't want to have any babies himself), but then they found out they were expecting and were like 🧍🧍 (maybe my guy got too nervous and made the wettest wet cat eyes ever and that made Ambrosius be like Balli, it's okay, don't worry D: let's talk about this)

>Anyways there was the thing of do we have them or not, and then they had a conversation, like:

(Ballister, still with his puppy-under-the-rain eyes) "...do you want them?" (Ambrosius makes some noncommittally noises) "Do you?" "But do you?" "But do you? You should decide" "Yeah- I just want to know your opinion." "Yeah, but it's your body." "Yeah, but I wouldn't raise them alone, both of us would. Do you want a baby right now?" "But I don't want my opinion to affect your opinion, because you would have the baby and I know how you feel about that and I don't want my decision to affect your decision because it should be your decision... So, what's your dec-?" "For Gloreth's- Stop saying decision! (Ambrosius' stupid attempt at lifting the tension was successful, because Ballister's laughing) Do you want them, yes or no?" "Yes I do, but only if you want them too, and if you don't that's alr-" "I think I do!"

>Then, later that day, there's Ambrosius' like, so... are we going to have a baby? (doubtfully) and Ballister's like I don't know :( (apologetically, because he genuinely doesn't know pipipi)

>So anyways, after some more days of thinking (because he had the final say in it, of course), Ballister's like yeah let's have them and they're both like WOO WE'LL HAVE A BABY :D, and Nimona's like HA! You'll get huge! And congrats too, I guess, when she's told.

>And then like eight months go past and Nimona's like HA! I knew it! and Ballister's like shut the fuck up >:( I'm not in the mood right now and Nimona's like (waving her hands) fine, chill, boss. i'll make the joke later then. And Ballister stares blankly and goes ...thanks (y'know those silent stares he does like three times in the movie?) (I want to write down all the expecting headcanons I got but whwhwh)

-Ambrosius' like we have to name them something with C, so we're A, B and C :D and Ballister's like yeah :D! so they look for names with C, that's their only requirement.

-Ballister and Ambrosius had a long as hell list with names with C and whenever Balli was like hey we should decide on one soon, no? D: Ambrosius was like yeah let's pick one :D, but it never led to anything because they couldn't decide.

>As a placeholder they called the baby Baby and then forgot about choosing a name, and then they were the same day in the clinic/hospital going through the list while holding their very much already born baby and being like this one? no- or this one? what about-? and the problem with having so many options was that they couldn't decide on one.

>They weren't truly that much of in a hurry, because they could name him later, but still they felt guilty because they had had several months to have that ready (literally everything had been ready for their baby's arrival, except his name)

>Finally Nimona, after taking a small peek at their list, was like, y'know what? he looks like a Cyrus, he reminds me of the sun, (bc he was wearing soft yellows and stuff, maybe, and the bed's sheets in which Ballister was lying were a light blue) and both Ballister and Ambrosius looked at their baby and considered the name. So, he's named Cyrus.

-The news refers to him as Baby Goldenheart though. Very cute baby, the public agrees on.

>Then there's the debate of which dad he looks like the most, and baby pictures are pulled from years back and they're like LOOK (posts a pic of baby Ambrosius with his Gloreth's descendant mom) THEY LOOK ALMOST IDENTICAL (and they actually do, same eyes and nose, same curlier hair and round cheeks)

>Then when he grows up, he actually looks too much like Ambrosius, but also a tad bit like Balli (it's the black hair and eyebrows).

-Even after he's all grown up, his family still calls him Baby instead of his name. And he knows that if either of his dads call him Cyrus is because he probably fucked up.

-I have a headcanon for Ballister's father, he looked almost just like Ballister but had a more hooked nose and curlier hair, but same big eyes, also had a beard and stuff. The thing is that Baby has black, curlier hair too and people think it's just like a combination between Balli's dark hair and Ambrosius' curlier hair BUT NO it's his grandpa's 😭 pipipi

(Translation) Blackheart (in my head he's Blackheart idk why ashjds maybe Boldheart had been his unmarried name, and Balli changed his to that alongside his name): My love, you're the prettiest girl with that cloak! <3 Kid Ballister: Abba, but I don't want to be the prettiest girl :c Blackheart, grabbing Balli's nose: The handsomest then! Kid Ballister: Hehe! (thinking about Bluey's laughter for this one pipipi)

>Also, know that Ballister's name was an inside joke between the two, were his abba had said he was his 'ballister' (the pillar that kept him upright) (they usually talked in Urdu, not in English, Balli had a better vocabulary than him from watching TV and going to an English-talking school), and Balli had burst out laughing, saying 'abba, it's baluster!' and his dad was like 'nope! I'm pretty sure it's ballister!' just to see his little girl still laughing.

>Anyways, then he got arrested and stuff and Balli changed his name to that, and then there's this moment a year later where, in jail, he sees his girl (now a boy) for the last time in the news, where they show him as he will start his training as knight and Blackheart's super happy because his son is actually alright (he had been worried sick about him all this time) and y'know, point is that he dies shortly after that and Ballister finds out years later when he tried looking for him D:

>(If you tell me but Kym, ballister is already the correct word, I'll tell you huh because I actually have no idea, you know I speak Spanish :'''v I tried translating Balli's name and it got corrected to baluster each time ajsdka)

>By the way, Ballister's scar over his eye is from when he had been like three and had fell against a sharp end, causing a slash and a lot of bleeding that had almost made Blackheart die from a heart attack. He had hurried to take him to the nearest health center, all while Ballister had been crying with his face all drenched in blood, and his dad had been genuinely thinking that his little girl was about to die from his carelessness (he hadn't been looking when Ballister fell).

>The slash over the eye is the reason he knows for sure that that's his child on TV, standing beside the Queen.

>Anyways, I love angsty headcanons with parents.

>Got another headcanon that Ambrosius got two moms, both don't spend much time with him from being too busy, but they love their son dearly (and y'know that Ambrosius' voice actor said that the Director was his parental figure? Maybe since his moms weren't around much, he started to look up to her as a mother and- wa, IT'S JUST I read a headcanon/theory (?) about the Director grooming Ambrosius for her benefit and it made a lot of sense 100/10).

>Ambrosius' moms are cool, although they did sort of force him to start his training to become a knight when he was of age to go into the Institute (he either went to knighthood or the family business, his knight mom (who's currently retired from knighthood and working at their family company) showed him her cool sword to lure him in, and his businesswoman mom showed him some colorful statistics- of course the sword won), but he ended up loving knighthood (despite everything), so he doesn't hold a grudge against that.

>(wait i remembered that Korean tradition of sitting babies of a certain age in front of objects so they choose one and that dictates how they'll be in the future? pipipi)

>Random headcanon, but Ambrosius is actually a blond and dyes some parts a darker color to achieve the cooler hairstyle. Also, the 'every descendant of Gloreth was/is/gotta be blonde' is interesting and gives place for analysis and stuff, but I've got this one where every descendant of Gloreth has somewhat of bunny teeth or a silly smile, and that's better in this case because I don't have to make Baby a blond- but his smile, when he's older, reminds Nimona of Gloreth's.

-Baby is a sweetheart with absolutely everyone. He smiles and coos nicely whenever people try to entertain him.

>Except with Todd. Whenever he sees him he spits up his milk and Ballister's pretty sure that it's a very weird coincidence, but Ambrosius and Nimona hold up a debate, convinced that the hate for punchable faces must be genetic and untaught, given that Todd had always been nice with Baby. Ballister throws Nimona a look and she says, my trauma, my jokes, Boss. And Ballister has to reluctantly agree and accept that he can't argue with that.

>Headcanon too that Ballister had called his father abba (looked it up and that's a fond way to call fathers in Urdu, if I'm wrong sorry :'v), until he was arrested and eventually died, so he taught Baby to call him abba too, and Ambrosius taught Baby to call him daddy, and even in adulthood he calls them that. And then there's Nimona who tried to teach him to call them Boss and Goldie, but she never succeeded.

(Imagine Nimona and Baby sat in front of eachother on the floor of the living room or something) Nimona, who had turned to look like Ballister, pointing at themself: Who am I? Baby: Abbababa- (he's a lil confused but he got the spirit, he's getting there in understanding askjdsad Ambrosius is currently Dadada) Nimona: No, Baby, Boss! Boss, say boss! :D Baby: Abbababa (happily reaching for him) Nimona: No, Boss! I'm your boss! (a cutesy tone) I'm Boss, Baby! Yeah, who's a cute baby? :D It's you! (then she got distracted and started playing with him)

-Nimona is Baby's sibling/cool aunt/mentor/bad influence/babysitter/something something. She's not a Goldenheart (and she doesn't want to be, she's just Nimona) but she's happy to be a part of their family anyway.

>They're the Goldenhearts + Nimona :''v

>Also yeah, Nimona is Ballister's sidekick/child/lil' sibling/friend/little menace/something something. The point here is that they love and care for each other very much <3

>Also, Nimona is Ambrosius' first ever, #1 hater, and he doesn't blame her for that. (They got a cool relationship though, like they like to bicker and wrestle with each other, and Nimona always wins because Ambrosius isn't very trained in fighting snakes, crocodiles or gorillas or any weird animal for that matter) Both love Ballister and that's sort of their main point in common, among other things.

-For a very long time, Baby had thought that in the world existed several pink creatures named Nimona, just as several adults named Daddy existed, and many kids like himself were named Baby. His Abba's the only one named that though, it seems. Then, when he's like three, he starts to realize that Nimona is just one person, and that apparently his Daddy and Abba's names weren't that. Abba's name wasn't even Boss, like he had suspected, and Daddy's wasn't Goldie. And then, as if that wasn't enough for the day, they tell him your name is Cyrus. Imagine his surprise.

-Baby is a daddy's boy for real and he loves both of his dads so so much :'v He also loves Nimona very dearly.

>He sees both of his dads being affective with each other and he copies that, as well as other things. Holds Balli's face to look into his eyes directly (he doesn't know that what Ambrosius does is just touch their foreheads together), he smacks his mouth against Ambrosius' face, harshly, and leaving him full of drool as he tries to bite him (doesn't know how to kiss yet, but when he figures that out he's always giving them), smacks Nimona's head with his little hands (he's trying to pet her hair, like he usually sees his abba petting the pink creatures) and all that. He's very sweet I'm telling you waa :'''v

-Ballister and Ambrosius try not to make Nimona take care of Baby too much, but Nimona herself looks for chances to take care of him.

>Also when he had been just born, of course Ballister and Ambrosius were all sleep-deprived and busy, so she would transform to look like either of them and Baby wouldn't tell the difference. If all, he was happy when all of a sudden there were two of either of his dads :''v

-Dumb headcanon that when Baby cried at night, they usually went 'ro-sham-bo' about it, and every single time they do the same hand gesture, and at the fifth or fourth (depending on how tired he is), Ambrosius will go ah fuck it >:( and just stand up himself to see what Baby needs. This happens way too much, and Ballister knows, and Ambrosius knows too. Baby doesn't but he's glad that every time he cries, it's very likely that his daddy will show up after a while.

-I'm thinking that Ballister would be that kind of dad that used to be afraid of holding his baby when they were a newborn, and then plays with them roughly when they stop being too fragile.

(Translation) First part Ballister (walking): Okay- Careful... (First day out of the clinic) Second part: Ballister: Do I throw him your way, Nimona? Nimona: Yeah, throw him!

-Ballister is one for darker clothes and all that, but when they found out about Baby, he started getting the most colorful clothes for them. Whenever he went out for whatever reason during those months, he came back with at least one piece of clothing, be it a onesie, a pair of socks, a hat, or some cute overalls. Baby's clothes drawer had already been overflowing with clothes just a few months before he had been born, and they had to get another one to fit in all the clothes because Ballister refused to stop getting more.

>Something something him only using darker clothes since he was a little kid and his dad not being able to afford him a bigger wardrobe and wanting to give Baby all the stuff he didn't have - thinking about my mom in this sense, she said she had bought me so many cute clothes when I was a baby bc she had had to share all her clothes with her sisters and their clothes had never been that nice bc of money and :'v

-Broskii I got more headcanons from when they were expecting Baby and I want to tell them all to you BUT I gotta make another post exclusively about that pipipi

-I know that the creator of Nimona said that the Institution most likely got dissolved, but I think this thing works as the cops and police of investigations and stuff, so maybe they didn't dissolve it, but rather stated new policies and values to be taught to the current knights and also to the future generations. And this change still takes a lot of time to happen but it does happen so- yippie ?

>Sorry I say this just so Ballister and Ambrosius can still be knights pipipi. Ballister is Sir Goldenheart and Ambrosius is Captain Goldenheart.

>With that, comes this thought that Nimona gave a knife to Baby once and was like, be free, my child! like taping a knife to a roomba, and then Baby used it like a sword and ran happily to show his dads that he too was cool and had a very big knife like they do when they use their shiny clothes.

>(debating this one bc yeah Nimona loves chaos and hurting people and breaking stuff but she definitely wouldn't like Baby hurting himself, but I still drew this waa I love when babies want to be like their parents)

(Papi means daddy)

-When Baby grows up, he isn't very passionate about becoming a knight (like Ballister had been) and neither of his fathers were keen on forcing him on knighthood (like it happened to Ambrosius), so he dosn't become a knight when he's older, and takes an interest in sciences (blitzmeyer mentioned?? I know her design was used for the queen, but I don't care I'll fit her here one way or another she's my fav scientist) and goes to college and all that, he also likes mechanics and overall stuff that Ballister likes.

>And it's definitely because his abba had been talking to him about this stuff whenever he could (because he loves this stuff, and even before Baby was born, and since they were supposed to talk to the baby so they could recognize their voices, Balli just rambled about this and that, and sometimes even narrated what he was currently working on and stuff :'''v Expecting Headcanons my beloveds)

>And both Nimona and Ambrosius are like: Yeah, see? Even he agrees (about him forgiving Ambrosius a tad bit too quickly, even if both knights had been manipulated and stuff), while Ballister doesn't know if to be exasperated that they don't let the topic go, or laugh because it's pretty amusing how offended Baby is in his behalf over something that happened nearly five years before he was even born.

>Eventually they have to explain everything that surrounded the whole thing and Baby feels actually a tad bit bad for getting as angry as he got at Ambrosius. He's like oops sorry daddy 🧍(I'm still petty though)

>Baby hadn't talked much until he was around three or four, usually just answering things or repeating stuff whenever his dads tried to teach him new words, but then one day he answered a very long rant from Ballister about animals (nerd, had said Nimona) with more animal facts and both Balli and Nimona were like :0 And since then Baby hadn't shut up, and he's always talking.

> Since they share interests, he and Ballister talk a lot about stuff (Balli is like nice, there's two of us now, because Nimona doesn't have it in themself to listen to him talk 23348 hours about one thing, and Baby actually responds with yapping of his own, unlike Ambrosius who is glad to attentively listen to him for hours but doesn't do much more than be receptive of the information most times pipipi) (y'know when someone is talking passionately about something that they like but you don't, but you're happy to hear them talk anyways? that thing sjdj)

(is yapping the correct word? Over at TikTok they use it as talking a lot, so I picked it from context, I hadn't really looked up if it's correctly used sdjksd)

-Baby is a simultaneous bilingual and learned English, Urdu and Korean from his dads and Nimona.

>With this, I'd think Ambrosius was one too (given that he was exposed to English and Korean since he was a baby), but Balli had had to learn English when he was past three maybe since his dad hadn't been very good at it and had mostly spoken in Urdu? Not sure how languages would work in the kingdom, but I guess it's the same as countries where there are different dialects or languages in different regions. (? La verdad no sé, toy chamuyando skjds)

-When he's 14 he gets a growth spurt as expected but then gets even taller than Ballister, and Nimona finds it hilarious (she got surpassed in height two years ago) And he was expected to be tall anyways because both his dads were tall too, but Ballister was like c'mon >:(

-When he got old enough and learned about the whole Queen's death thing, he spent the whole afternoon throwing Ambrosius angry looks, arms crossed and all. And after a beat of silence, he'd suddenly say: No, and you know what angers me the most? and then would ramble about literally everything the man had done wrong at that moment, all while Ambrosius himself nodded in agreement. Then Baby would say (to Balli): You forgave him way too quickly, abba, I would've burned his house down or- I don't know- but how?! And just like that?!

-Nimona was determined on teaching Baby all she knew, and Ballister was like yeah it's okay if he turns out like you, but turned out that Baby is the most chill kid ever actually, like he lacks this wish for mayhem that many kids have, like Nimona hoped he'd have (like she expected the antichrist/chucky or something). In execution, at least, because he has great ideas, if Nimona's willing to make them true.

Baby, about seven: Nimona, and what if *a plan in excruciating detail of the most deranged nature* Nimona: HEHE YEAH >:D Let's do it! Baby: No, but you do it :) Nimona: huh ??

>And this is because he knows that Nimona can do all this better and he thinks it's funny to watch her wreak havoc, while also not getting in trouble himself. (His dads tell him be a good kid and he's like yup I'll be a good kid c:)

-Nimona draws Baby like a little star because he's small (plus there's Ballister drawing over her drawings, thinking about him picking Nimona's drawing habits of scribbling on top whatever comes to mind)

(Nimona's saying: make your own drawings! while trying to push him away, and Ballister's laughing - their arms are like in a weird position that in my head made sense shdjdh)

-Plus here's a drawing of Nimona having cat behaviors (becoming a loaf anywhere) (ronroneo means purring).

>When Baby hadn't been born yet, she'd loaf right over Ballister's belly and simply sleep or make biscuits sometimes, and when he tried to take her off himself, she'd try to not use her claws but she'd grab against his shirt anyways, going BUT BOSS- Baby and me are chilling! And this translated as Nimona loafing on top of Baby whenever he's quiet enough, after he's born.

-I made another post about the comic versions of Ballister and Ambrosius on TikTok, and added a comic version of Baby too, following the logic on his current design (Balli's hair and eyebrows, Ambrosius' nose and eyes, and all that)

>'Papito Corazón' in other countries means a very good, diligent father (? I think), and at least in Chile is used sarcastically for men that are emotionally or financially neglectful with their children 😭 Comic Ambrosius is one at the beginning, but he becomes a better father later on, promise sdjsjd

>This Baby had a hard time recognizing Ambrosius at the beginning because they didn't spend much time together, and Baby has no object permanence yet.

>Anyway, Ballister and Ambrosius aren't a thing here, it was sort of a enemies-with-benefits kinda situation that led to Baby :'v

>(also know that I haven't read the comic yet, so if this seems ooc I agree with you, because I really don't know these characters askdjsa sorry)

-ALSO here's the first drawings I made of him before settling on this design, also it's from when I was trying to draw Nimona sjjs

>He had brown hair instead of black, but the rest is all almost the same.

And that's it so far!

If you read till here, I hope you liked it!

Have these sillies kissing, it's from a video I did 🧍 Ambrosius gives Ballister 23783 kisses and Balli gives him one (1)

Also, the limit for images is 30, which is a shame because I wanted to add more stuff sjdjsd I'll make another post if I compile enough drawings to make a big post, or make that post about them expecting Baby

(I love the Nimona mains so so much, they're 24/7 in my mind)

[thebestsetter]

Karasu was a coward. It was as simple as that.

He looked for the weaker enemies. He thought he was mediocre, so he never went for the stronger people. Always the weakest, the ones underneath him. The ones he knew for sure he could beat.

And, being a coward, he also never admitted his feelings for you out loud. After all, being your one and only academic rival was way better. The look of what could only be described as pure loathing when he got 1% more than you on a random exam, the look of pride and smug smile on your face when you beat him, the sneaky and sarcastic remarks... it was all so... exciting. He didn't need your relationship to change. You were both clearly "comfortable" with it (if going at each other's throats is deemed "comfortable," that is.) That's why he kept quiet, firing smart and cleverly hidden flirtatious lines every now and then. It was all fine.

Until it wasn't. Until he couldn't keep his feeling hidden anymore.

It was during a random chemistry class. Being the top 2 students of the advanced class (the top 1 was always changing, yet it always showed the same result: either you or him), the teacher assigned you both to do a project together, wanting to see "what kind of amazing project will come out of the smartest students she ever had", and that also meant sitting together during classes.

Neither of you was really happy with this, but decided to treat it as a challenge: whoever managed to stay the longer without outright verbally attacking the other would win. And you both were not the kind of people who backed down from a challenge.

That day, you had spent hours working on that project during late hours. So, you were just so sleepy you couldn't help but lay down your head and rest for a bit, trying to get a well-deserved close eye.

"A bit" turned into half of the period.

"Psst, smartie pants" Karasu nudged you with the tip of his pencil "The teacher's looking funny at you. I mean, he always looks funny, but it's even worse right now."

At your lack of response, Karasu nudged you a little bit harder

"Hey, I'm being serious. Open your eyes or else we'll be in trouble." He then rested his head on his hands with a sigh, admiring your sleeping face. A small smile appeared on his face "You know, you're kinda cute when you're not being a total nerd. Or glaring at me. Or laughing at my 97 when you got a 98"

He gently removed a hair that fell on your face, putting it behind your ear. "I wish I had the courage to tell you this." He whispered "I like you. A lot, actually. Way more than I should."

He doesn't know why, but he waited for a response. He waited for you to suddenly get up, point at him and laugh at what he said. Because no way you'd ever like someone so... mediocre as him.

"You're really sleeping?" He nudged you once more, obtaining yet again no response. His smile widened, and he couldn't help but continue to stare at you, completely zoning out for the rest of the lesson.

He wishes he could say this was the only time this happened, but it wasn't. Everytime you slept during chemistry class, Karasu quietly declared his feeling for you. Saying what he liked about you, what he wanted to tell you when you were awake, talking about which dates he wanted to go with you.

It became a routine, honestly. But he'd never admit everything to you out loud.

And he actually didn't even need to.

Because little did he know, the only time you really slept was during the first one. And little did he know, the project wasn't the only thing you were working on. February 14th was getting close, after all.

Well, his sleeping confessions really reassured you, at the very least.

Based on this request!!

Not proofread!

[comicaurora]

hi red!! just listened to the newest episode of the ospod and i have one question: did you and magenta enjoy sonic three??

TREMENDOUSLY

(spoilers below)

Maria playing a soft acoustic cover of Live And Learn on the guitar was Incredible

We both lost it when Sonic looked directly at the camera and quoted "talk about a low-budget flight!" word for word

Almost every Sonic vs Shadow scene in the trailer was from the very first action scene in the movie, which was absolutely the way to do it. They didn't spoil anything important AND they didn't drag out the opener.

That first action scene was KILLER. They hit every single beat they needed to establish exactly who Shadow was.

The pacing overall was fantastic. When Blue and I watched sonic 1 and 2, we concluded that sonic 2 had More Fun Stuff, but sonic 1 was far more tightly paced. I think sonic 3 got back to the pacing of sonic 1 - not an ounce of fat on there.

CHAO GARDEN TOURIST TRAP

Magenta called the movie cowards for not letting the GUN soldier actually shoot Maria

Extremely elegant way to take Tom and the ancillary humans out of commission and motivate Sonic to have his obligatory "I must go alone and Take Vengeance" darkest hour, BUT I really respected how they let Knuckles choose to back off and trust him, even if narratively we know Sonic is making the wrong choice. My boy Knux got a shockingly good showing this movie, considering all he really had to do was get worf'd to prove how badass Shadow is. They do some careful work making sure he still feels like a powerhouse even though he's outclassed by both super hedgehogs.

Making Shadow's motivation in this movie raw, fresh, suicidal grief was absolutely the right call, because that makes this whole Destroy The Earth thing the equivalent of an extremely understandable but short-lived temper tantrum caused by "from my POV my best friend died in my arms like YESTERDAY" and that means it feels like he could conceivably be talked out of with a little empathy and compassion, which is exactly what Sonic gives him, after the COOLEST FUCKING FIGHT SCENE I'VE EVER SEEN

This Sonic is cleanly growing from a good-hearted kid into exactly the kind of relentlessly compassionate paragon hero they're portraying him as in the IDW comics and it is Rad As Hell

And on the flip side, making Gerald's villain motivation slow and calculated and locked in over the course of fifty deliberate years was a very clever way to convince us that Shadow just needed kindness and a good example, but Gerald had made his choice and could absolutely not be redeemed.

"You're no Maria" is cold as ice and I'm still thinking about it days later

everyone's acting like Robotnik's dead but my man was wearing a nanotech suit that could turn into anything like if they want him back he'll be back

excited for Shadow to just Turn Up at some point in the future during a risky fight scene and for literally only Sonic to be happy to see him, As Their Dynamic Should Be

Magenta really likes Metal Sonic as a character so hopefully he's not just relegated to Interchangeable Army Of Minions status forever

A M Y

I predict that in Sonic 4 we will get Silver as the main first-half-of-the-movie misled villain and Shadow WILL reintroduce himself into the plot by kicking Silver in the back of the head and I WILL lose my mind

[pacifierbby]

★ *. * · 𝑱𝑬𝑨𝑳𝑶𝑼𝑺 𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑺

𝑹𝑬𝑸𝑼𝑬𝑺𝑻𝑬𝑫? you could write something about jealous Lando pleasee. Honestly, I don’t really know what it could be, fluff, smut, or angst. I’ll leave it up to you ♡

୨ৎ 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 LN4 x reader

୨ৎ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 none

୨ৎ 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓

-𝑵𝑨𝑽𝑰-

He could never understand why you dated so many dickhead men all of them lead to you ringing him up in the middle of the night crying for him to pick you up because yet another fight has occurred leading him to console you over a bottle of wine and some much-needed cuddles he just wished that you would open up and see everything he did for you was because he fell madly in love with you he was just coward to even tell you scared to even ruin the friendship between the both of you making him move into self-pity when you go crying to him wishing he would tell you how much he loves you. The day you told him that you've got another boy on the block that you think it's going really well and that maybe he's the one and not one toxic trait coming from him did massively hurt lando he just wished for your sake that that was true and that you found the one.

You and Lando chilling in his Monaco apartment the sun shining through the big bay windows giving you a soft glow "Hey Lando what are you doing tonight?" looking over to you "Uh nothing tonight was thinking off chilling in for the night" shrugging "well me and ben thinking about going to that new club if you want to join" making his smile instantly fade quickly smiling so you didn't notice "uh yeah sure" making sure that you didn't notice which you were more engrossed in your phone than him at the moment having this small feeling that something was going to go wrong tonight but he keep that between himself knowing it will probably cause a fight between you both the last time he announced his thoughts about your ex you told him that everything was wrong and stopped being an arsehole and that he was using you to get to him was completely wrong when later down the line he was right and you apologised massively for that and ever since then he watched you figure your ex-boyfriends out yourself.

Lando always knew how you felt after that and you told him that a couple of guys before that did try and use you to see him and ever since then he promised himself and to you that he would never bring the conversation up again knowing how much that it affected you which you were happy that he listened to you and your feelings Lando didn't know that deep down that you wished he was something more to you but just like him you was a coward to even tell him and that all these guys are just to push your feelings away from him and with Ben that worked greatly. As much as it hurt him it hurt you seeing him with so many women daily making you separate from him for a little which he never understood why but it was easier for you like that.

"Ben said that's great and we are going at 8 o clock is that okay for you?" looking away from your phone towards him "Uh yeah will it be fine for me to invite Margarida? Making your heart stop a little "Yeah yeah that's fine" getting up from the comfort of the couch "Well I'm going to go back to my apartment to get ready I think Ben is going to pick me up so I'll meet you at the club?" making Lando nod walking over giving you a side hug walking you over to his door.

He knew he shouldn't have asked if his recent hook-up could come but he really needed to get you and Ben out of his mind for the rest of the night only he could think that Margarida would be a better option other than alcohol quickly sending her a text. He never told you that she was a hook-up he just wanted you to automatically think that they were together hoping for some kind of reaction from you which you didn't really show. he doesn't know how long he can put this charade up for...

8 o'clock came quicker than he hoped the sun slowly moving down behind the clouds sighing and looking at himself in the mirror "Hey babe do you like my dress" rolling his eyes " Marg haven't I told you to stop calling me that?!" he couldn't really stand her voice at the moment "but yes yes I do now come on they're here" not even give her another chance to change the godamn dress for the seventeenth time that hour.

The new club was lively tonight well obviously they are all here for the same reason you are. Looking towards Lando I saw that he was more interested in the glass than whatever Marg was actually saying to him which was odd but you cant deny Lando had picked a really gorgeous girl slim, blonde hair a model all-check box list that you couldn't really check for him yes you was jealous of Marg knowing that she has something that you don't which you truly wished you had "hey Lando shall we get the drinks?" ben spoke interrupting your thoughts which honestly you was actually thankful for but looking at lando it's like his thoughts been interrupted to "uh yeah sure"

Lando looks over towards you every chance he can get to make sure you are okay "So you and Marg eh?" Ben spoke making his eyes leave you "' we're really not together she's just one of my huck-ups" taking a sip of his beer while waiting for the other orders "Oh well if we're on that category" Ben paused "I'm only with her because of you" making Lando look back at him furious his hands tightly around his glass "What!" Lando automatically wants to meet his hands with his face but he knows he cant "Well you're cool and she's your friend so she is my better option" he laughed a little not really observing that Lando was mad "Are you joking Ben that women has everything that you need why!" "well the sex is another good thing" that was it for Lando his fist connecting to his face.

However, y/n saw everything running towards the boys "What the hell Lando!" dragging Ben next to her and looking at his face "Tell her what you told me tell her!" Y/N looked confused towards Ben but only he smirked: "I don't know what you're talking about?" Lando's hands fisted once again "this dickhead told me he only wants you Y/N because you are my friend and I quote that sex is another good thing" She didn't want to hear more "Please tell me he's joking Ben please" but ben just shrugged and nodded "then Lando had the right to hit you and hear I am stupid defending your dumb arse" she didn't want to see her cry that just shows that he won Lando grabbed her hand walking her out off the club

"I'm so sorry Lando I'm so sorry to defend him over you I don't know what to say" the tears slowly coming out Landos hand automatically wiping them away "Listen love I totally understand you didn't know you didn't listen you wasn't their I get it" out off all the words Lando know what to do or say he knew how to console you and everyday you was grateful for it "shall we go home" you just nodded wanting to get away from this club.

Both Lando and Y/n are wide awake in two separate rooms both of them thinking the same things after tonight y/n truly knew her forever was and it was under her nose forever and honestly it only took for tonight to find out the jealous thoughts when he had women surrounding him wanting to just grab him and just be hers she felt silly letting all these men degrade her when there was one man who praised her made her feel loved and praised the floor she walked on. For Lando, he thought the same the constant jealousy for all the men that she dated.

y/n walked into Lando's room she just about saw his shadow wrapped around the quilt in his bed "Are you awake" she whispered his figure slowly waking up "Come here" his voice responded lifting his quilt covers inviting in quickly jumping in "Thank you for tonight Lando I couldn't thank you enough" Lando grabbed her hand she was thankful that it was dark but the blush she had on her face will probably make her like a tomato "can I be honest with you?" Y/N nodded "Uh Y/N I like you no I love you. you honestly don't understand everything I feel when you tell me you got another boy but after tonight everything I think is because I fell for you a while ago and I'm so sorry that it took me this long to tell you" Y/N leaned over turning the bedside lamp on looking towards Lando's eyes "honestly Lando it took me tonight when in bed with my own little mind to finally understand what I'm actually feeling is that I'm falling in love with you as well I just want to say thank you for making me feel the way I should feel from a man" Lando leant over wiping the tear away from her cheek the one she didn't notice that even left her "can I kiss you" Y/N nodded both of them connected they're lips and after that she knew that Lando was forever.

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ © 𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘦𝘳𝘣𝘣𝘺

[starrylanex]

I Love You, I’m Sorry

dean winchester was a coward.

he knew that, when it came to you, he would always be a coward. a selfish bastard. an asshole. a dick. when it came to you, he would rather be all of those things, than a mourner, a griever.

if he loved you, he would find it in himself to let you go. and because he loved you so fucking much, that he did- exactly two summers ago, he let you go.

but then again, because of the line of work he was in, it was impossible to keep people you cared about alive. and he would rather have you alive and hating him, then dead.

sam was confused. he didn't understand what happened in between the two of you while he was gone. because dean was already alone when he joined his brother from stanford. he knew dean was mourning you, in his own, quiet way, even tho you were alive- he checked, he knew you were alive, but his brother was acting like you had died.

dean would charm his way into women's pants almost every other night- in every town they stayed. dean liked to think he was over you, that screwing other women got him over you. but it was never enough.

because he looked for you in ever woman he was with, he didn't know he was doing it- it was an automatic, subconscious thing, comparing them to you. he knew that he still loved you and he was so, so sorry that he hurt you. but what was done, was done. and he knew that you probably hated him just as much as he loved you.

it wasn't until two summers after getting back into hunting with sammy that he somehow started talking with you again and honestly, he didn't know how it happened. he wasn't complaining tho. fuck, he was so glad that the two of you were talking again.

it was really nothing serious. you weren't friends, but while talking with you, he realized that you didn't hate him as much as he though you did. and he didn't know if it was good or not, because he knew that he didn't deserve the kind eyes, and the kind words you would offer while helping him and sam with hunts.

what mattered was, that the two of you were cool now. all the bad blood was left behind- he hoped it was left behind because he missed working with you. fuck, scratch that. he fucking missed you.

so seeing you, seeing your sweet smile which was directed towards his brother warmed his heart. of course he wouldn't show it, but his eyes would follow your every move when you weren't paying attention.

it didn't feel real during that year after he made a deal with the crossroad demon to bring sammy back to life in exchange for his soul. nothing felt real for dean anymore. but he was so fucking glad that he got to spend that last year he thought he would have, with you. having those drinks at the bar, and laughing at his stupid jokes like old times.

sometimes, he thought you pitied him. and thats why you were pitifully spending the last moments of his life with him. you didn’t know of course, he made both sam and bobby promise as his last wish to not tell you. he would figure out it later, and it would probably backfire once again, but at that moment, dean though he was doing the both of you a favor for not telling you about the deal.

he loved you so fucking much that it fucking hurt him. both physically and mentally. he would laugh it off every time you got concerned over him, it was honestly sweet, but it hurt.

what mattered was that he had made amends with you. at least- he thought he did- he hoped he did. because god, he didn’t want to die with having you hate him. it was selfish and wrong, he knew that. but thats what life was about. that was what their kind of life was about right?

being haunted by the look in your eyes. by you. by your love and his love for you. he loved you and he was sorry that he did.

[localvillagecryptid]

AU where at some point in canon, it's revealed that the System is, in fact, a person. Not just any person: a Green JJ fangirl. And not just in a "has or had a physical body" way, but like someone who died and BECAME the system or part of it. Like a weird post-death recruitment into the cosmic illuminati. Shen yuan and Shang qinghua have in fact been arguing with a sapient former human who does, in fact, have the option to be less of a dick but is actively choosing to be this way for Plot Reasons (aka shipping content + she gets a raise for each successful story made).

This is revealed when she slips up in some of her messages to them and breaks character a few times. When she tells shen yuan to "just fuck him already, dammit," accompanied by a handful of other swears, shen yuan is horrified to realize he recognizes her writing style. The system used to be another PIDW regular that cucumber did NOT get along with, because unlike his "totally legit and fair" criticism, miss danmei fan complained primarily that the story would be better if binghe (and basically the entire cast) were gay (amongst other things). Shen yuan simply HAD to take up arms against such a RIDICULOUS notion, not knowing that miss green jj had clocked him AND airplane from miles away and had sniffed out the fact that aside from PIDW being meant as a cash grab, airplane was also just a total coward who wasn't brave enough to make it a danmei the way that he'd initially intended. He was originally going to post it on the danmei site, but chickened out and made it straight instead. Hence, we got PIDW. Anyway, she and cucumber had historic arguments in the comments section, though she wasn't as prolific as shen yuan, because unlike him, she was actually employed. Also, because she knew how to work smarter, not harder, and instead was busy making gay fan art and fics of PIDW instead of just whining in the comments all day. In fact, she only ever came back now and then to get updates on the characters to supplement her fan content.

Shen yuan then realizes that the entirety of svsss is Her Fault (it isn't; half of it was a prison of shen yuan's own making), which then brings him to, "wait. Did you CHOOSE to put me here, you demon???" Because yes, he died, but he didn't ask to get isekai'd! As it turns out, she volunteered for the position of svsss system (her god complex simply couldn't resist), but shen yuan dying was just a lucky boon. When she realized he was cucumber, she thought, "well since you love binghe so much, here! GO AHEAD AND MARRY HIM" and here we are.

This leads to several fights in which sy and airplane BOTH look like they're going crazy bc they're talking to air. The "air" is, meanwhile, docking points for public image loss + "being mean to her", and dropping them in situations as punishment. There's an entire week in which shen yuan is getting hit with back-to-back wife plots because he said her old HuaMing Twitter fan art was trash, and that there was no way Hualing or Liu Mingyan were lesbians. Perhaps when they call a truce, she admits that there's a lot more that can be seen behind the scenes, such as affection meters, stats, etc etc that are invisible to sy and sqh.

However, she refuses to be helpful and divulge the information, because "it would compromise integrity/authenticity of players' actions" etc. She laughs every time shen yuan frets that luo binghe hates him, knowing damn well the affection meter has broken past the full bar. She's completely lying every time she tells them that x action will cause them to lose so many points that they'd die (because the point system is up to her, but the stakes being so high helps her own performance rating). The only actions that could do so are A) averting the abyss event, and B) telling people about the system/transmigration. Everything else is up for grabs. In fact, there could even be loopholes to those; but I like to think that since she held such a grudge against shen yuan from their internet beef, she threw all her plans out the window for a fix-it story once she saw his soul on the market.

When binghe is stuck wandering mega hell, system is playing Mario Kart and looking up which universe she wants to work on next.

[munsonsmixtapes]

Paint Me

Benedict Bridgerton x fem!inexperienced!American!reader

summary: An unfortunate funeral causes you and Benedict come face to face and he is your surprising shoulder to lean on. And after a secret moment in the garden, you become closer than ever before.

word count: 4k

taglist: @syraxnyra @turtle-cant-communicate @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @intothesoul

part one part two part four part five part six part seven

February 13, 1817

There was a knock on your door after you had gotten home from the gallery. You had embarrassed yourself enough when you had insulted Benedict's painting and weren't in the mood to speak to anyone, especially not who you knew was on the other side of the door.

You had already felt like a disappointment to your father and you didn't need to hear him tell you as such. But he entered the room anyway and sat on the edge of your bed next to you. He went to wrap his arm around you, but you pulled away, moving closer to the other side.

"I am afraid that I have not been there for you when you needed me most," he went to reach for your hand, but you pulled it away, fully turning your back to him.

"I am afraid that is true and I do not wish to speak to you at this moment."

"Bunny," he went to use his beloved nickname for you which caused you to stand from the bed, turning to face with a kind of anger you didn't even know was possible.

"You do not deserve to call me that. I understand that you are my father, but you were also my best friend. So where have you been?" You asked, your voice getting louder. "Where have you been when your wife, my mother betrayed me? If you love me as much as you claim to, then why have you never defended me when you saw the two of them treating me so horribly? I know why. It is because you are nothing but a coward and I do not wish to speak to you any longer."

With that, your father left the room, leaving you alone again. All of your anger was getting the best of you, everything that had happened throughout your whole life, weighing on you. You went under your bed where you hid away your art supplies and began to sketch, the pressure of your hand pressing the charcoal to the page, causing it to break, both it and the tears that were falling from your eyes, ruining the picture completely.

It seemed that not even your form of therapy was working. The one thing that made you feel better in fact did not. As your anger reached its peak, you threw everything across the room in a loud clatter and changed into your nightgown, getting into your bed, pulling the covers over you and crying until sleep claimed you.

But your sleep did not bring you any rest whatsoever, the only thing happening behind your eyes was your father. You saw his carriage crashing into a tree, the ship he was on going down, him falling off his horse, all leading to his demise.

The guilt was eating at you for the way you spoke to him. Even though everyone was asleep, you couldn’t sleep any longer without apologize for the way you spoke to your father. Whether he accepted it or not didn’t matter. You just needed him to know that you didn’t mean a single word.

You snuck out of your room with every intention of heading to your parents’ room at the end of the hall only to your mother sobbing in the foyer. She was on her hands and knees while Lilith held onto her, rubbing her back while he cried tears of her own.

You approached them, looking around for your father only to not see him, and you expected the worst. It seemed that all of your nightmares were in fact not that, but premonitions.

You felt lightheaded, your vision going hazy as your sister told you what had happened. Augustus had gone for a late night horse ride and had experienced a heart attack, causing him to fall off and pass away right there because there had been no one had been around to give him the proper care nor get him to a hospital.

It was all your fault. Or at least, that was what you were telling yourself. He did, however, die in one of the ways you had dreamed about, so you supposed that you had spoken it into existence.

The next few days, the house was quiet, neither you nor your mother or sister uttering a single word, nothing feeling quite right to say as far as the loss was concerned. The funeral was the next week and the three of you stood together, weeping over your father’s grave.

You were approached by Kate and Anthony who pulled you into a group hug as your cried into their shoulders and they held you for as long as you liked. When you pulled away, you saw Benedict standing behind them, his eyes already on you. For once, the flirty look in his eyes was replaced with a look of sorrow. 

For a second, all of your dislike for him dissipated as he pulled you into his arms, his hands rubbing up and down your back as he whispered nothing but nice things into your ear as you cried into his shoulder. 

Kate and Anthony turned away to give you a private moment and whispered to each other about what was possibly going on between the two of you. Kate thought it was sweet, but Anthony was ready to nip it right in the bud. There was no way that he was letting his brother anywhere near you, not even in a friendly way as  Benedict was unable to be friends with women. He only bedded them and there was absolutely no way that could happen. 

You pulled away from Benedict and he was quick to wipe your tears. You hadn’t seen him that soft and gentle since you had moved back to England and you were happy to have your old Benedict back, even if it was just for a moment. 

Benedict didn’t know what had come over him. He wasn’t sure why, but seeing you so heartbroken broke his own heart. When he saw you sobbing when he got to the graveyard, he swore that he could actually hear his heart crack. Usually, he would only comfort a woman going through a loss for the sole reason of getting her into bed, but this time, that wasn’t even a thought. He just wanted to make sure that you were okay. 

He didn’t leave your side the entire day as everyone followed your family to your house to enjoy a meal together in your father’s honor. He kept his distance out of respect, but he wanted nothing more than to wrap you up in his arms and let you stay there as long as you wanted. He knew how close you were to your father and just how much it had crushed you to lose him. 

As day turned to night, you could feel your cold shoulder towards Benedict start to thaw. You were beginning to think that maybe you were being too hard on him when he had genuinely been trying to right his wrongs with what he had done to you almost a decade ago. You didn’t think that you should have let it hurt you for so long and that the grudge you were holding against him was really only hurting you in the end.

February 20, 1817

As a way to see your artwork, Lady Danbury had one of her friends host another gallery. You had told her that it wasn’t at all necessary, but of course, she didn’t listen to you. She assured you that everyone would love whatever you decided to submit and that they would all be lining up to purchase commissions from you.

You, however, thought it was a bold claim. Sure, you wanted people to see your work, but now you were nervous that none of them were going to appreciate it the way that you did. It was all very personal and you weren't sure that you wanted it hung for everyone to see.

Despite that, you still submitted your most personal piece. A painting of your father that was your own way of honoring him. A way to forgive him for all he had done to you and to let go of all of the guilt you felt for what had happened to him. It was the best form of therapy you could have ever asked for and easily your best work to date.

Benedict's piece had been coming along great as well. For once, he wasn't thinking about every single brush stroke and just went along with it, letting the brush guide him. He was going off of memory since he didn't have a proper photo of his subject, but he thought it was turning out rather well considering.

Instead of going to the studio, he decided to work in the garden, the sunlight being the best thing to point out all his imperfections if there were any. He was not going to have a repeat of what had happened last time. It was far too embarrassing.

"Ah, there you are, brother," Eloise spoke as she approached him.

"Here I am," he replied and was quick to stand in front of the painting so she couldn't see it, but it was too late. She had already seen it. She pushed him out of the way and let out a gasp as the painting before her.

"It that-"

"No," Benedict cut her off, trying to block her view of it again, a shade of pink apparent on his cheeks. Eloise just laughed and pushed him out of the way again, careful not to knock over the easel.

"It is!" She gasped. "It's the l/n girl that Kate and Anthony have befriended!"

"It is not." He didn't know why he was denying it. All the proof was right there.

"You cannot deny it. It seems that you have befriended her as well." Eloise could see the way that her brother looked at you and it seemed like he was attracted to you. She hadn't had many interactions with you, but according to Kate, you seemed like someone who keep Benedict humble and ground him.

"She doesn't like me, Eloise," he shook his head as dipped his brush into a shade that was the color of your skin tone and did some shading where he thought it would look nice.

"Why not? Did you hurt her, because Anthony will certainly-" Oh, Benedict knew exactly what Anthony would do.

"I did," Benedict nodded. "Eight years ago. When her family lived down the road, we painted a lot together in the study while Francesca played the piano, but one night-"

"What did you do, Benedict?" Eloise wasn't sure he wasn't going to say, but what she did know was that she wasn't going to like it.

"She told me-she told me that she loved." Her eyes widened at that and she wasn't surprised that she didn't know that fact because you would have been too scared to admit it to anyone and Benedict just felt horrible about the whole thing and didn't want to revisit it.

"And what did you say?" Considering the fact that you were ten and Benedict was twenty-one at the time, she could assume what had happened.

"The only thing I could. She was a child and I was certainly not interested in her and so I told her as much. Maybe a little too harshly and she ran."

"Benedict," Eloise gasped. So that was why you always paid almost attention to him. All of the dots were finally connecting. Now she was thinking that she liked you even more. That you were the first woman to not fall for her brother’s charms even though you were the exact one who should have. He definitely had a type.

"I know, and now she's here and beautiful and I'm afraid I've fucked it all up." Eloise was wondering what had gotten into him that he had such a defeatist attitude. He was never that way towards the women he was interested in even if they weren’t interested. In fact, that usually only motivated him even more.

"Maybe this might seem like a foreign concept to you, brother, but have you ever thought about apologizing like a normal person?" Benedict actually had thought about that, but he didn't think that was good enough, so that was why he had done the painting of you. He hoped that would help you see just how much he cared for you.

"I think it might be too late for that." He decided that his work was done and started to clean his brushes.

"It's never too late for an apology," she rested a hand on his shoulder and gave is a squeeze, leaving Benedict with much to think about.

February 21, 1817

You sat in the study with one of your books in your hand, but you couldn't focus on it. Your letter letting you know whether or not your artwork was accepted into the gallery was going to be there any second and you were terrified. There was a lot of riding on it and you were very afraid that they hadn't accepted it.

Kate and Anthony had insisted on being there when you got the good new and Kate clutched your hand as a servant entered the room with the envelopes on a silver platter and you reached for yours, feeling like time had stopped as you ripped into the envelope.

You read the first few words of the letter and let it drop to the floor, feeling your body go cold, collapsing into one of the chairs as you accepted defeat. They didn't want your piece. You should have known since they wouldn't have since you were a woman. They hadn't said as much, but you were able to read the lines.

Despite your sadness, you told the couple that you would join them at the gallery and felt horrible that Lady Danbury went through all that trouble for nothing. You didn't want to have to look her in the eyes, but the only worse thing was not going an accepting defeat. You were going to show everyone just how strong you were.

February 25, 1817

Practically everyone was already at the gallery when you had arrived and you felt dread come over you as you accepted that you were going to have no part in it. You had been rejected from many things like that before, so you weren't sure why it hurt so much.

Lady Danbury had approached immediately when you arrived and you really didn't feel like speaking with her but you plastered on your brightest smile, faking like you had interest in the conversation even though you would have much rather been in the study with your paints.

"Ah, there's the artist," she greeted. "You left last time before we were able to talk about your critique of the Bridgerton boy." Normally you would have felt guilty for something, but this time you couldn't have cared less. Benedict Bridgerton could have stood to be knocked down a few pegs and you were really enjoying being the one to do it.

"And I apologize for that. I was just letting my own issues take over." You were only apologizing because you felt like it, not because you meant it.

"No apologies necessary, dear. I loved it. I wish you would speak your mind more often. More people could benefit from hearing your thoughts. Especially ones like Mr. Bridgerton." Lady Danbury didn't mind Benedict, but often times she felt he had a big head and let his ego get in the way.

"I appreciate that, but unfortunately, I don't think that I'm up for it tonight."

"But what am I to think about the artwork without a lovely artist to give her opinions?" There was something odd about the interaction and you couldn't figure out what.

"You do flatter me, Lady Danbury. I suppose I wouldn't mind joining you."

So, you led her around the gallery and told her what you thought about the pieces, promising her to not hold back this time, suddenly not afraid to speak your mind. And Lady Danbury was loving every second of it, very entertained by the shy wallflower coming out of her shell.

She quite liked your company, amused by your little quips that you had come with on the spot. And she appreciated how you felt like you were able to be your true self around her, not the shy person she had met a few weeks ago. You were growing on her and easily becomg one of her favorite debutants of the season.

"Lady Danbury, who do you think your favorite artist is?" You asked as she got to the second to last piece. All this time you had been talking about the pieces in front of you, but you were curious as to what kind of art she liked since you thought a person's favorite artist said a lot about them.

"You." You were surprised to hear her say that considering that she hadn't even seen any of your work.

"Oh, that's very nice, but-"

"No, dear, it's you!" She cut you off and forced you to turn to the piece on the wall. You let out a gasp as your face stared back at you, feeling something very strange coming over you.

You stepped closer to the painting and turned this way and that, convinced that you were looking into a mirror, but you weren't. You could very clearly see the paint strokes when you got close enough. Who the artist was was a mystery. You had absolutely no idea who could have done it and wanted to know their identity and why you had been their subject.

You couldn't stop staring, wanting to reach out to touch it, but you knew you weren't allowed, even if it was your face on the canvas. It was amazing how well they were able to paint your features and you wondered what they had used for reference.

"I hope this isn't too amateur for you," a voice whispered in your ear and you felt a chill go down your spin as their hot breath hit the back of your neck.

You turned around only to be face to face with the seconds eldest Bridgerton brother. You eyed him, wondering why he would have done something like that and what he would have gotten out of it. That had to be the reason why he would have done it...right?

So many questions were swirling around your mind, your main one being how he was able to make the painting so accurate that it felt like you were looking into a mirror without having you sit for it.

"What is this, Benedict?" You pointed to the painting and he just chuckled. You didn't like how much you enjoyed making hearing the sound and wondering how you would have been able to hear it.

"It's you." He was smiling brightly and you wished he had done it more often. The look was just too pretty on him to hide away all the time. You wondered why he always seemed to always look so serious. In the many times you had seen him, he had only smiled when he was with Eloise.

"I'm aware of that...but why?"

"I think the better question is why not."

"How were you able to do it without me sitting for you to paint me?"

"I will answer all of your questions, but right now, we must see the final painting."

He offered you his arm and you grabbed onto it, letting him lead you through the rest of the gallery.

"But this was the last one." 

"Not quite,” he winked and stopped at the last piece, causing you to let out a loud gasp as your own painting was staring back at you. But it had been rejected. How did he get a hold of it and why was it there? The man was confusing you even more by the second. You were convinced that he had just been trying to get you to forgive him just so he could feel better about himself, but now you weren’t so sure. 

You felt tears well up in your eyes as you turned to him. No one had ever done anything that nice for you before. Something so selfless that they only did because they wanted to and not to make themself look good. Maybe he wasn’t the same Benedict that your remembered. Maybe he was finally turning over a new leaf.

Benedict wiped your tears away and even though it was entirely inappropriate, you threw yourself into his arms and he was quick to catch you, almost falling backwards because of how much force you had used to push yourself in his direction. You squeezed each other tight, avoiding the gasps of the people around you. Lady Danbury shooed them away to give the two of you some privacy as you both pulled away. 

Without a word, you pulled Benedict away from the gallery and you both discreetly made your way through the crowd to get outside for some much needed fresh air. You looked out into the garden and couldn’t help but feel like home there.There was something that was so comforting about it that made it seem like you belonged there. You could see yourself there with Benedict right by your side, the two of you facing each other with your own easels as you painted your own portraits of each other. 

You hadn’t thought about him in that way in a long time and wondered where that had come from. Maybe you were overcome with gratitude to him, but that didn’t matter. What did matter was the fact that you couldn’t stop yourself from staring at his pretty lips, wondering what they felt like between yours. And how you could have taken the chance and it would not have been inappropriate.

Without a word, you grabbed him by his coat and pulled him down so that his face was only inches from yours. You pressed your lips to his with so much force that your teeth clinked together and you both were quick to pull away covering your mouths in pain. You couldn’t believe you had done that. That was exactly why you never acted impulsively. It always just ended in embarrassment. 

You just shook your head as you felt your cheeks heat up and turned back to enter the gallery. Benedict wasn’t going to let you get away this time, though. He lost you once and he wasn’t going to let it happen again. And this time, he was actually attracted to you and he was going to let you know just how beautiful he thought you were. 

He grabbed onto your arm just as you were going to open the door and turned you around to face him. His hazel eyes bored into yours as he grabbed onto your chin, lifting it as he bent down. He slotted his lips between yours and you tried to move along with him, mimicking his actions exactly even though you had absolutely not fucking clue what you were doing. 

Your hands moved to his face and pulled him closer to you so you had more access to his mouth, becoming addicted to the feeling of his lips on yours. You had only gotten a little taste, but already wanted to do that exact thing for the rest of your life. Benedict pulled away to let the both of you breathe, but quickly dove in for more as he grabbed onto your waist and pushed you against the pillar that was behind you. You let him lead, taking exactly what he wanted from you as you were pliant under his touch. 

He pushed your mouth open as he slid his tongue inside, letting it swirl around your own and a sound escaped your mouth that Benedict definitely needed to hear again. And the fact that what you were doing was considered wrong only made him love it more. He continued to kiss you like his life depended on it as his hand moved up to your breast, massaging it the best he could over your dress as you let out another moan, this one louder. You pulled away as you felt a weird sensation between your legs, a lot of wetness collecting there. You began to panic as you pushed Benedict away, embarrassed about what was happening. 

“I had a lovely time tonight, Mr. Bridgerton, but now I must go.” You curtsied and then rushed inside, gathering your dress in your hands as you did so. 

You made a beeline for the restroom and locked yourself inside it before grabbing the nearest towel-like fabric and pulled up your dress before wiping. You pulled the towel away not to find blood like you were expecting but found that whatever was between your legs was almost clear. You were convinced that there was something wrong with you, having never seen anything like that before. 

While you were panicking in the restroom, Benedict was pacing in the garden, debating running after you even though he was sure that you had already left. Had he made you uncomfortable? That must have been it because you looked so scared. He had taken advantage of you and now he was going to beat himself up over it. Not reciprocating your feelings when you were a child was one thing, but taking advantage of you was another and now he had ruined his chances with you because he was selfish. He didn’t think that another painting was going to fix it either. Perhaps it was time to finally let you go for good and let you find a man who was actually worthy enough. A man that was actually able to keep you.

[3amfanfiction]

And We Go again

Simon broke your heart when he left. Is he surprised that you moved on? Why is he showing back up? cw: none, 4k

[Thinking about a Simon Riley who breaks your heart. You’d been together for years when it became too much for him. The constant worry for your safety, the fear that someone would track you through him, it twisted his mind and the only way forward in his thoughts was to cut ties. Cauterize the wounds so the nerves were deadened, no chance of someone finding a sensitive spot.]

He cut ties completely, right from the beginning. No phone calls, no text messages, no contact. He turned into his call sign and was a ghost. Nothing physical remained, only the memories in your mind.

He had the decency to tell you in person. If nothing else he wasn't a coward who hid behind text messages. The argument lasted all night—you trying to convince him you were fine, that nothing was going to happen and him being adamant that his presence was putting you in danger.

He wouldn't listen.

Every point you made had a rebuttal, he had clearly come prepared. But you couldn't help the attempt. Showing your soft underbelly as he cracked you open while extracting himself from your lives. Leaving fissures in your panoply as you tried again and again and please listen to me.

"We were supposed to be forever," your voice broke halfway through, choked by emotion. Sitting in the kitchen, you watched Simon where he stood against the counter, even now trying to put space between the two of you.

"Sometimes—" he swallowed, gaze steady and far too emotionless for someone causing such harm, "sometimes things don't work out like we've planned and we have to adapt and re-strategize. This is one of those times."

"Adapt and re—? I don't want to adapt and re-strategize, Simon!" You turned pleading eyes on him, fighting your tears with a herculean effort, "I want you here with me." You slammed a finger down on the table in emphasis.

Your chest ached. Your heart felt like it was slowly being eaten away with every word from his mouth. Corrosive acid flowing through the veins and corroding the tissue. Slowly eating away until there was nothing left.

"I'm sorry."

he'ssorryhe'ssorryhe'ssorry.

"If you were sorry, you wouldn't be leaving." You could feel yourself losing the fight, against the tears and the breakup both. It wasn't fair. Why did he get to come in and decide you're better off apart? Didn't you get a say?

Not fair not fair not fair. You two had made plans together. You were going to buy a house, maybe get a dog years down the road. None of that was going to happen if he left.

And if he wasn't here anymore, if you didn't have him to lean on, what was going to happen to you?

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do by myself," you broke into a sob, no longer able to hold back. Thick tears ran down your face, "I don't know what to do, I need you, Simon."

Simon walked over and pulled you up out of your seat and into a hug, holding tightly, pressing your face into his chest. You fought it at first before crumpling into him, letting him be strong for the both of you.

One last time.

"You'll be all right. You're tough, you're going to get through this."

It almost made it hurt worse that he was still comforting you, even as he was ripping your heart out. If he was an asshole then at least you would've been able to hate him.

You felt the fabric under your face become sodden with tears as you struggled to bring yourself back under control. It was the work of minutes before you're able to look up at him again, eyes red and swollen but tearless once again.

Seeing his apologetic face above you filled you with annoyance which turned to anger the longer you looked at him.

[At first you were so angry at him. Why? Why did he do this? You were both fine, nothing had happened and nothing was going to, he was just being dramatic. He was hurting the both of you for no reason.]

"No! This is stupid!" you shouted, losing your temper with a frown and a shove, separating yourself from his embrace, ignoring his reaching hands as you take a step back. "You're running because you're scared. The big bad Ghost is scared of something that might happen."

"Sweetheart," he tried, palms faced upward, reaching, tone calm in an attempt at appeasement.

"Don't touch me!" you cried, cutting him off, slapping his hands to the side, "You don't get to act all high and mighty. You're choosing this. You're still stuck in the past, thinking that what happened to your family is going to happen again and it's not!" your voice cracked on the last word, doing nothing but angering you further. You grit your teeth and stuck your chin out, looking to cause hurt equal to what you were feeling, willing to try anything to ease the agony, "You're choosing to end what we have, forever, because you're being a baby. When this whole thing is because you're a little kid who's afraid of the dark, afraid of the past."

"And what if I am?" He finally broke, voice raising to match yours, "I'm allowed to be scared sometimes too! Do you know what it would do to me if you died? If you died because of me?" his face curled into a look of pain so deep it came across as disgust. Needing nothing but the echoes of you being hurt to cause shock waves of agony to ripple across his soul.

"You're not listening to me Simon, I'm not going to die," you tried again, frustrated, knowing it was a futile effort but unable to stop reaching for him, hoping that this time he would reach back.

"Everything around me dies!" he thundered before pulling himself back together, taking a breath to recenter himself. "Everything and everyone. I've watched it in real time, I won't do it again with you." He took a moment to breathe, face evening out, "We're over."

[But he wouldn’t listen, convinced that he had the right of things. He packed up his things and left--leaving you crying at the kitchen table, not looking back.]

He left you in the kitchen, heading towards the back of the house only to quickly return, bags clutched in his hands.

He planned this. He must have if he was already packed and ready to walk out the door. You never had a chance of changing his mind.

"I'm rotten, through and through," he hesitated by the door still looking at you, not wavering for a moment, even when it was painful, "and I'm doing what's best for you. You don't see it right now but you will one day." Looking at you one last time as if to memorialize you in his mind, he turned and walked out the door.

"You're a coward, Simon Riley!" You shouted, waiting until the door was shut before breaking down into gut wrenching sobs, crumpling forward to bury your face in your arms and wail.

[You move on. If he thinks you’re going to pine for him forever he’s mistaken. The best thing you can do for yourself is to try and be happy. Whatever that looks like.]

You made it to the grocery store and the corner bookstore this week. You were angry at the fact that being able to go two places was a milestone. You expected to lose a lot of things when a relationship ended but this was a bitter truth.

Everything reminded you of him and what you'd lost at first. The street corner where he snuck a kiss, the grocery aisle where you squeezed his ass and made him jump three feet in the air, the park that had the pop-up hot chocolate stand you stopped at the day you were caught in the snow.

You hated it.

If it would have been reasonable, you'd have moved. Packed up what you wanted and left the rest. But moving took money and you were down to one income now. You would be staying right where you were and would work through your triggers as they came.

And they weren't shy about making their presence known. You had broken down more times than you cared to count over the weeks since he left, some days not even able to leave the bed. It was horrid and felt like you were trapped in a nightmare.

It wasn't sustainable. You couldn't live the rest of your life having a break down every time you thought you saw Simon in a crowd, every time you caught a whiff of his scent, every time you thought you heard him saying your name. You were miserable and you didn't want to be.

So you set about to change it in any way you could.

[You put in the work. You find out who you are single, who you are when you don’t have Simon’s shadow standing behind you, and what brings a smile to your face.]

You knew what you were working towards, you just didn't know how to get there. How do you heal from a wound that ripped you in two? Your anchor, your person, was gone and you needed to be okay standing, however unsteadily, on your own feet.

It seemed easiest to start with the small things.

You signed up for a painting class. Once a month you sat in a room with a handful of other people and you all painted the same picture. Some months turned out better than others but it did what it needed to, it got you out of the house.

You even made new friends which you weren't expecting.

They encouraged you to continue branching out. Figure out what made you happy. You liked the painting classes, although you're unsure if it's the painting or the people who made it enjoyable.

You tried a book club and a needle-point class but neither were quite what you wanted so you kept searching. Indoor rock climbing, weekend dog walking, ceramics, working on a theater backdrop for the local school—if it was something you could jump into, you tried it. Each class was a page in your book, perhaps not a lot by itself but it slowly told the story of who you were.

It took a while but you started to figure out who you were, the things you enjoyed, what made life a little more.

[You weren’t expecting to fall in love again. She’s wonderful, so it happens quickly.]

You made a friend at the painting classes you still went to, every other week now. She was one of the instructors and you saw her every class.

It was surprising how easily she made you smile.

It didn't take long before she was sitting you up front, closest to her when setting up for the evenings. You began to have inside jokes, knew each others preferences, good-naturedly teased one another.

It frightened you when you realized what this feeling growing inside of you was. You were trying to get over heartbreak, not set yourself up for another round of hurt.

You tried to pull away, telling yourself it was for your own good, it was for protection. But she wouldn't let you. She reached out when you went silent, asked after you if you skipped a painting class. She made sure you knew you were wanted and that your presence was never a burden.

That you were never a burden.

When she asked you out there was only one answer.

[Sweet and kind, she has a steady head on her shoulders and she loves to make you smile. She’ll pepper kisses across your nose and cheeks, tuck her hand into your back pocket to squeeze your butt when you least expect it, and always has your favorite drink at her house.]

You took it slow, which was a struggle with how easy everything was.

Lunches turned to date nights turned to day trips turned to sleepovers.

Things weren’t perfect but they were good.

If you disagreed, you discussed it. No arguments, no hurt feelings, just conversations. And she was so demonstratively affectionate you never had to wonder about her feelings. She showed them in innumerable kisses dusting your face and any skin she could get a hold of. If you were walking she had your fingers threaded together, occasionally bringing your hands up to her mouth for a kiss or a tiny nibble.

You were standing in line at the grocery and she came up behind you, wrapping her arms around your waist and placing her chin on your shoulder to wait, whispering in your ear about these shorts make your ass look perfect, baby before giving it a squeeze. Laughing at your resultant yip and looking innocent when the cashier turned to look at you, as if butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth.

[How could you not fall in love with her? When you think the word home her face is what pops into mind. Her laugh is what you hear when you get caught out in the rain, soaked and irritable-it always calms you down, her smell when the annoyances of the day gets to be too great.]

It didn’t surprise you this time when you realized your feelings. It had been a long time coming, slowly growing with each kind word and cheerful moment shared. Now that you could see it was there, you were surprised you hadn’t recognized this wellspring of love before.

Because you did. You loved her. And you weren’t scared of it. It was hard to be scared when you knew she was right there with you.

You realized it after an exhausting day at work. Everything that could go wrong, did. You were short staffed and a delivery which was supposed to be there the night before never showed up so you had to handle it.

It was exhausting and you were tired and wanted to cry.

Your phone lit up with ‘Babe’ on your way home. It was her warm, hi baby, that had your shoulders lowering from your ears. She kept you company the whole way, listening to you about your day and the mishaps you’d had to deal with.

By the time you walked through the door she was putting the finishing touches on one of your favorite comfort meals, the couch was set up with everything you could need and the TV was queued. When she smiled at you, you really did break down with a sob, too overwhelmed at the gesture to hold back.

She let you cry on her shoulder while she rubbed your back.

[So you twine together, tighter and tighter as the months go on, milestones and anniversaries coming and going. Until one day you hear a knock on the door.]

How long had you been together? It felt like forever and not at the same time. You knew it has been long enough that you’d started setting money aside each month. Something that would go towards a ring in the future.

You were cleaning the kitchen while Babe was in the back, having given your pup Cooper a bath and now trying to get him semi-dry before he hopped up on the bed or couch.

You could hear her singing to him as she dried him, a little ditty she made up just for him—Cooper, Cooper, you’re such a trooper, look at that handsome smile, look at that shiny coat, you’ve got so much style, please sir can I get a quote?

Cooper knew his cue and gave the tiniest little boof at the end. You smiled as you pictured the scene, knowing she had given him a kiss between the ears at his participation.

You’d finished wiping the counters when you heard the knock.

[It’s a booming knock, one you haven’t heard for quite a time. You know who it’s going to be before you ever get to the door, your partner returning from the back of the house, making her way towards you.]

It was a knock from fists too large to rap gently and too used to battering down doors, besides. It had been years since you heard that sound and your breath started to pick up as your feet automatically took you to the door, helpless to stop the catastrophe before it began.

You had been doing good! Things were better now than they had been for a long time, why was he showing up at your doorstep? You didn't want him here!

It was like a Pavlovian response. The last time you saw him you had experienced pain your mind shied away from even now. You can’t help but to feel his return was going to bring that pain back too.

You reached the door and pulled it open after only allowing yourself a steadying breath, looking up, up, up at him.

Simon.

[He hadn’t changed much in the time he’d been gone. Although it’s hard to see any new scars when he was covered up like that.]

You had forgotten how big he was. How if you only looked at his mass instead of his eyes it was easy to be intimidated by his size.

But you knew this man. You had seen him cry when his nightmares became too vivid, had rubbed his back as he vomited into the toilet, listened to the most heinous cough first thing in the morning when he was trying to clear his throat. He was undoubtedly just a man, no matter how forbidding.

He looked good at least. He had a healthy weight on him and you couldn’t see any wounds. New scars were still to be determined though.

You wondered if you were allowed to see under his mask any more.

[“Simon,” a sigh, already tired knowing him showing up on your doorstep could be nothing but trouble.]

“It’s been a while,” you said, forcibly calm, staying in the doorway, keeping him outside. You couldn't be hurt if he stayed outside, right?

You wondered what brought him here, now, after all this time. You didn’t separate on good terms—he made sure of that. You weren’t the type of exes to drop by each other’s house or send Christmas cards. Hell, you didn’t even bump into each other in the store.

“I hope I’m not interrupting,” he rumbled

You wondered what he would do if you said, yes, you are interrupting, you’re no longer wanted here. Would he argue? Or would he turn around and leave?

Which did you want?

“What do you need?” you asked instead, avoiding his statement.

[Arms wrap around your waist before he can respond, who's this? and you don't hesitate to share. You have no interest in keeping secrets.]

You startled when she touched you, too focused on Simon to recognize her footsteps coming up the hallway, headed your way. Cooper was probably shut into the bedroom so he wouldn’t dart out the door. As her chin tucked onto your shoulder, she asked, “Who’s this?”

How did you explain Simon? How did you tell the woman you hoped to one day marry about the man you had expected to marry? That guide wasn’t in the latest how-to quiz on the internet surprisingly.

Still, she made it simple for you. She was incredibly easy to talk to, both when you were learning who the other person was and over the course of your relationship. You had had these conversations with her before. On nights when you had woken up crying or weekends when the drinks flowed freely. You had talked about who Simon was to you, what your relationship with him was like, the expectations, and then the eventual end.

So really, all you had to do was introduce them.

“Babe, this is Simon.”

[She offers him a warm cuppa because that's the kind of person she is. You'd like nothing more than to close the door in his face, uninterested in opening yourself back up to the hurt. Your tether to him was a scarred over nub, nothing there to support leftover feelings. He made sure of that.]

You weren’t sure how you all got to the kitchen. It was as if it was instantaneous between one blink and the next. It was utterly your partners doing, though, of that you were positive. And as you cradled the steaming cup of tea in your hands you realized again how thankful you were for her.

But you still didn’t want Simon here. In this sanctuary you’d made, free of his influence. He hadn’t pulled any punches when he ended things and you found yourself unwilling to be back in a situation where he could hurt you again.

You didn’t know what to say to him, how to start a conversation anymore. You used to be able to ask him anything, now you couldn’t even ask if everything was okay.

Seeing him sitting across from you at the table was surreal. You had come to terms with never seeing this again so it was shocking. You felt like you were concussed, your thoughts jumped from one topic to another, never staying on one thought all the way through. You didn’t know how you were going to handle tonight.

Babe must have taken pity on you because she stepped in and took up the conversation, starting with introducing herself. It let you zone out. You were aware of the cadence of tone between the two of them but the individual words felt muffled as though spoken through a thick door.

What was he doing here. You didn’t want to see him.

You didn’t.

Right?

Obviously you were happy he appeared unhurt. Even right after the breakup you hadn’t wished him ill. Did that mean you still cared for him in some capacity? You thought that it might.

You tuned back in as chairs scraped across the floor, the other occupants both standing before heading to the living room, Babe making a detour to grab bedding from the hallway closet before meeting Simon by the couch.

[Why is she offering to let him spend the night? Babe you don't need to do that . . . babe?]

What did you miss? You weren’t paying attention but surely you would’ve heard her offering him a place to stay for the night. She knows she doesn’t have to do this right?

You kept quiet while she made up the couch, still not ready to have a real conversation with Simon and it seemed he felt the same way with how he made sure to keep your partner between the two of you as often as possible.

You decided you didn’t want to be here anymore. You’d reached the end of your rope, unable to play at indifferent any longer. Spinning on a heel you strode for the bedroom, anything to put distance between you and the feelings you felt bubbling up like acid, corroding your throat and causing your nose and eyes to burn. Just like when he left. You knew him showing up was going to cause you pain.

It was eons before she made her way back to the bedroom with you. Watching as she crawled under the covers you asked, “Why is he here? Why did you let him stay?”

“Because he needed it.”

Banner by @/cafekitsune

Current Stories || Main Repository

[iprefervillains]

I know we sometimes joke over Bradley getting Nat and Jake getting Javy in their divorce before TGM, but what if Jake was actually the child of Nat and Javy’s divorce. What if Javy was/is his BFF and Nat was originally his wingmen?

What if the reason for the break-up is a pregnancy scare? Nat's period is late (actually due to stress but she doesn't know that) and she freaks out because she put way to much work into getting where she is just to "ruin" her career for a man. You know who also did everything to become a naval aviator? Bradley, so they bond over that. (They were just casual acquitances before that).

Nat then gets offered a spot on a different squadron (other side of the world) and asked if she wants to take her wingmen with her. By the time she already plans to break up with Javy, so she knows he is going to need his best friend Jake to build him back up. Nat then asks to get deployed with Bradley as her wingmen instead, but she doesn't tell Jake this and just says those were the orders.

She then ghosts both Jake and Javy but makes it seem like the lack of contact is due to her deployment until Jake hears from their CO a few months later that it was actually Nat who requested to get deployed with Bradley and that contacting her should work just fine.

Boom ultimate betrayal in Jake’s eyes, because not only did she choose the cowards way out of her relationship with Javy but picked his biggest rival/crush to replace him too. He also thinks she slept with Bradley because of the rumor mill, which is another double betrayal on top; Javy doesn't deserve to be cheated on and he told her about having thoughts about Bradshaw.

Cue very tense Top Gun experience because Jake wants to prove to himself that he is a way better pilot than Bradley.

Bradley doesn'treally get what's going on because last time he checked, they were just normal colleagues who trash talked a bit and now Jake is suddenly openly antagonistic and out for blood. Nat and Javy are fortunately in different classes.

Now, it's been years, but Jake 'Hangman' Seresin knows how to hold a grudge, so he is still super petty when they meet again at Top Gun for the second time. Nat didn't want his as a wingmen? Well, that's perfectly fine. He doesn't need one of those anyway. (He stopped flying with a wingmen in mind after she dropped him). And he is still pissed at Bradshaw for helping break Javy’s heart (and his own) by sleeping with Nat.

Meanwhile, Javy and Nat already talked it through two years before TGM and are now somewhat Okay-ish. Javy found someone new to settle down with, so at this point he is more mad about her hurting Jake in the process.

Let's be real a friendship betrayal is sometimes even worse than a romantic break-up and Jake wouldn't take being left behind by Nat well.

(And maybe, just maybe Bradley and Jake had something brewing all those years ago before the thing with Nat happened, so Jake felt even worse when he thought that Nat and Bradley slept together, because if Nat is Bradley’s type than Jake never really had a chance and was just making a fool of himself anyway.

[sukunas-wife]

Sealed Pt. 5

first try 😎 (5th really)

1 / 2 / 3 / 4

It didn’t take long to buy what you needed, but your funds were running low. Which led you to believe it was a good time to return to the temple you had opened, immediately after opening the doors there was a line of women and children. It didn’t take long as you started to go through them all, “blessing” pregnant women and healing sick children. Grateful women who couldn’t bear children or didn’t want to lose their children were more than willing to pay any price for healing. You’d been there almost all night when you felt an all too familiar presence. Your back was to the door but you turned looking over your shoulder. There he stood, tall, pale, long black hair and black robes. You turned completely to face him, “You must be Lady Y/n of the Shrine, I’ve heard so many stories of how you… help people, I’m curious of how you do it.”

Kenjaku, those stitches on his forehead would give him away easily to anyone who had common sense. “Sorry men aren’t allowed in the Shrine, with the exception of my husband and son.”

“You have a husband and son?” His face was smiling in disbelief, you didn't trust him even if he and Sukuna had chatted more than a few times he always left an uneasy feeling in your stomach. “Yes but that’s not important , so tell me why you’re really here. I get the feeling you're not leaving so easy.” He hummed, shrugging his shoulders, “I came looking for something. You have it and I might need it. So one sorcerer to another we both know what you have that’s helping you so much, it was awakened when Ryomen Sukuna was reincarnated. Do you know who that is or did you stumble across this little artefact and decide to keep it for yourself.” You watched his hand move from his sleeve holding up one of Sukuna’s fingers. Unamused, you looked away, “Sorry to tell you the only thing I see is a rotting dismembered finger, if you're not here to benefit both of us please leave.” You tried to wave him off but persisted in following you, Morí put himself between the both of you so you didn’t bother to look back at him. “I’ll give you one warning, you give me whatever you took and I’ll leave. But if I have to take it myself-“

He was cut off feeling hot liquid run down his face, your hand held up over your shoulder, “This is your warning, there won’t be a next one.” The sound of his skull cap hitting the floor was disturbing, Morí wanted to gag at the sight of the brain exposed. “That was a mistake.” You turned around your robes ruffled noisily “No! You turning your back when RYOMEN WAS BETRAYED WAS A MISTAKE KENJAKU, your damn lucky you have that binding vow and that he never found out the truth you two faced coward, I used to think you changed bodies so frequently because you actually had a plan. It turns out you're just lowly scum and your intentions were never clear, you’re a coward and when things become difficult in one life you’d just pop someone’s else’s skull open and go for a joy ride until it’s all used up.”

You saw those Fox like eyes light up followed by that unhinged smile, “Well if it isn’t Mrs.Ryomen Sukuna, I heard the rumours you escaped the prison realm, I just couldn’t believe it.” You felt your lip twitch like you were going to bare your teeth, “Believe it, I’m free and don’t think I’m here to support your silly little flip flop grill cheese bullshit plan. I’m also not going to join your little club of misfit cursed wombs and deranged psychopaths. I’m here for Ryomen and my son, if you do anything to hurt either of them I swear on your life Kenjaku I’ll be the one pulling you out of that man’s skull and making sure you never find another life. I have my plans already and I don’t need you.” He seemed displeased, “That’s the problem here Y/n, your wedding vows can’t do a thing to break a binding vow.”

You laughed “That’s the thing Kenny, you two made a binding vow, Tyler’s say there’s this cute little red string tying to Ryomen, you can both push and pull in the same direction as long as the rope never breaks. But, what happens if a third party comes in and manages to cut that string.” Your head tilted with a passive smile, “Get out.”

————-

“Alright Mama-dori, it's time for little Itadori to go out on his own on a mission!” Gojo seemed excited about breaking this news to you. You couldn’t have given him a more bewildered look. “What do you mean on a mission?” Mori was by your side taking the cracking tea cup from your hand before it shattered over the tea table. “Think of it as a field mission … erm Lady Y/n.” Your face didn’t change much while you were staring him down, he could swear he’s seen that look before. “Where’s it going to happen…?”

He gave you a mischievous smile, “Well if I told you how do I know you wouldn’t interfere.” “If you didn't, what makes you think I wouldn’t find Yuji on my own.” Your smug smile didn’t go unnoticed. “Good luck finding us then.”

———

It didn’t take long of you spending your day at home lazing about waiting for Yuji to come back, you weren’t held captive in this dingy little house but you started to wonder if this is what Sukuna felt like now that you understood he was trapped inside of Yuji

“Mooriiiiii”….. “hm.” “MoorIIIIIIII” “I’m sorry?” “MORI.” You finally lifted your head from being laid out on the cushions on the floor, Mori sighed with a sympathetic smile, closing the book he constantly kept your records and plans in. “Yes Lady Y/n?” You rolled over laying your head on the pillow not looking at him anymore, “I miss- Yuji? Or is it your husband this time?” You fell silent huffing and burying your face into the pillow “bof” Mori shook his head with a small smile at your muffled speech. “We’ve talked about this Lady Y/n, if you do want both of them back they really do need to know the truth.” You moved around so the side of your face was on the pillow and you could just barely see Mori looking at you from the tea table, “Do you know how difficult it’s going to be to explain to Sukuna he was reincarnated into his son that he now sees he’s being held hostage in?” Mori’s eyes didn’t leave your face as you watched a ladybug crawl past you, “But he recognizes you even without your cursed presence Lady Y/n…”

Finally you sat up looking at him, “Do you wanna know a secret Morinozuka? Something almost no one else knows?” He seemed uneasy at the thought, hesitating as you continued, “I’ll have to kill you if you ever tell anyone else but do you know why I lived so long? Why don't I age? Look at us Morino, you were a child when I found you all those years ago. You’ve grown, look at me, I have the same face and appearance as the day we met.” You held your hand out to him, he took it in his looking over the back of it, he remembered your hands well. When he was a child you gave him that motherly love of wiping away his tears, he’d take your hand whenever he’d get scared walking in public. He watched you fill out every paper, he admired the way you would heal people, but he always noticed how people’s hands changed with their age, but your hands were the same as the day he met you. “You haven’t aged Lady Y/n but I can’t tell why.”

“I’m a curse Mori, there’s a beautiful story behind how I became a curse” he watched how you smiled looking at your hand, he watched a mark form over your finger, “But that’s a story for another time!” You were quick to get up, “Let’s make something to eat. I doubt Gojo’s not going to feed them so we can eat at least.”

It didn’t take long for You and Mori to throw together a hot pot with meatballs. You were serving Mori who insisted he should be serving you, “oh be quiet Mori I didn’t take care of you for years for you to take care of every little thing I do now, now eat.” He huffed and started to eat watching as you started to serve yourself, it was when you were about to eat your own meal Yuji busted into your new home excited to tell you about everything. Mori caught your food as Yuji tackled you in a hug “Mom you should’ve seen us it was so cool we…” he paused looking at the table where you had set up the pot of broth. “Oh you were eating, sorry.” You watched as he smiled sitting back on his heels rubbing the back of his head with a big shy smile. You couldn’t help but smile at him, “cmon sit I’ll serve you some if you want and you can tell us how your… field test went.” He sat cross legged beside you leaning against your shoulder rambling and stuffing his face telling you about the revolving sushi and this Girl Kugisaki he and Fushiguro met. You laughed hearing how he whined that she sighed after just looking at them. You leaned your head on his and he kept talking, you listened to every word until he eventually fell asleep in your lap.

You looked down at him, your sweet boy, until you saw that eye open up, and a mouth form, it was a soft call and out of character, “Y/n.” You looked at him, Ryomen, “Ryo…” you saw the malicious smile on his face “If this brat trusts you so much I think you could do a little talking and get me out of here don’t you?” He watched and you smiled, shaking your head, crinkling your nose, “Reincarnated not too long ago and you're already making bigger plans…” your smile fell “what the hell was that where are the women and children moving about anyways hm?”

He looked away making a “face” “I don’t know what you're talking about woman, must’ve misheard….” “Mhm.” He looked back at you before looking away, “It’s been lonely you know…” you leaned down pressing a kiss to Sukuna’s “cheek”, he didn’t bother trying to fight you, “I know it’s been lonely you’ve been locked up for centuries Ryo.” He hummed, before looking at you upset “What are you doing HERE Y/n! Why would you surround yourself with these sorcerers and this brat? Who is this brat? WHYS HES SLEEPING ON YOUR LAP!?” Yuji stirred and you rubbed his head, you should send him to sleep in his dorm, “Ryomen-“ you gave him a look, he rolled his eye, “as much as you’d hate to hear this, Yuji Itadori is our so- mm, hmm?” Yuji sat up rubbing his eyes, “What time is it?” He yawned and all you saw was Sukuna squinting at Yuji before disappearing.

“It’s 10:40 Yu,” you started to stand up, “You should go sleep in your dorm so Gojo to Fushigumi don’t freak out if you're missing.”

He laughed, “Fushigumi.” He’s gonna love that one.” He stood up from the ground stretching and yawning before he squeezed you in a hug, “Gnight mom I’ll see you tomorrow.”

————-

“Hm, it’s July… I wonder if Yuji will want to go watch the fireworks later this month…” you yawned leaning against the post on the porch of the little home. The afternoon sun shining on your face, eyes closed, head resting back against the post. Ungratefully one leg was propped up the other was swinging off the porch just barely grazing the grass, the vibrant red of your robes shining bright. The shoji doors were open wide with fly nets set up, futons were airing out for when you wanted to laze about on the porch or in the living room on the floor, Morí had gotten tired of watching you throw all the cushions in a pile just to complain when you were on the floor and the cushions wouldn’t stay still. You heard him hum still scribbling away, you looked over picking up the hand fan laying at your side, “This was my wedding fan, did you bring it?” Morí hummed again “you said bring ALL your precious belongings when we first left the temple I assumed since it was wrapped in fine linen and in a red wooden box it was preserved for a reason. Then I saw a painting in your temple and it all made sense, Lady Y/n.” You waved it around unceremoniously watching the little charms sway around, “Lady Y/n… was Ryomen Sukuna really your husband?”

“Is he really my husband" is what you mean, he still is my husband even after all these years being forced apart…” you paused looking down on the school, “…he’s my husband…surprisingly he was different then to now. I still love him regardless, he gave me his heart and I gave him mine, sure the wedding vows today would probably sound occult but I was his he was mine, it took years to be comfortable by his side and then we he’s our first child, Yuj-” Morí watched the panicked look on your face, when you pulled your sleeve up grabbing your arm where your binding vow has marked you. He watched you squeeze the muscle hissing through gritted teeth, “Yuji.” It sounded like a forced grunt. He watched you cough from trying to bear the pain, it stopped and you let go, you were visibly confused “Lady Y/n what- I don’t know” you cut him off, “that’s never happened before.” You watched as the mark became a lighter colour almost blending into your skin then you understood, “I NEED TO FIND YUJI.”

———

“….s..Go..” You couldn’t get the words out, you wanted to scream at Satoru, you wanted everyone to die and it filled the room the moment he didn’t let you enter and you forced your way in to see your son laying on the cold metal bed. He was stripped bare with a gaping hole in his chest, the woman in a lab coat and Gojo watched you walk right past them. You could still feel a faint lingering of Sukuna’s cursed energy. Your hand moved up slowly taking Yuji's. He was so cold. The hand you squeezed as a child, the tiny chubby hands that wiped your tears “It’s okay mommy!” The hands you held onto walking him to school, you shook your head, tears in your eyes, it’s always these damn sorcerers who are so prideful in what they do they try to play heroes and fix the world. Putting the lives of others at expense even if it means they’ll only save one or two people. Your hand trailed up his arm fingertips brushing over where your binding vow was disappearing. “Some proud jujutsu sorcerer you must be.” You could feel Gojo’s stare, having ignored all his rambling but knowing he was upset.

“My son is dead at the expense of what Satoru Gojo?”

Your hair fell over your face when your tears started to fall, ducking your head down feeling like your chest and shoulders were curling in on you. You placed your hand on his chest and it felt like everything changed. You weren’t in that room, you were standing in an all too familiar place.

“Oh,” you felt the heat in your cheeks rising when you heard Ryomen’s voice, “Well if it isn’t my pretty little wife finally coming to visit me hm?” He was behind you, his left arm lazily wrapped around your waist the right around your shoulder so his hand could hold your jaw, he turned your face to look back and up at him. His eyes were lidded and smiled down at you, “Ryomen…” he moved in closer, his lips ghosting over yours, “y/n.” He closed the gap kissing you, he could feel the way you broke out and smiled against his lips, it made him crack his own smile when you tried to hold back your giggles. You were so happy to be able to see him after so long, “Ryo.” You pulled away and he frowned slightly looking at you, “what- LET GO OF HER-“

All you saw was Sukuna grabbing Yuji’s fist and throwing him and sending him flying into the liquid a distance away. “Oh Yuji..”

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[do-androids-dream-ao3acc]

There's a present under the Christmas tree that wasn't there two hours ago. 

It makes Tommy stand stiff as a poker in the doorway of his own living room, his mind full of possible break-in scenarios. However, the typical signs are missing. No ripped-out drawers, no shattered glass; and what burglar would bring instead of taking something? The somewhat sad little tree, which Tommy didn't actually want to put up in the first place but then did because it's Christmas after all, seems to shine a little brighter thanks to the present. 

Carefully, he approaches the tree under whose green branches the box lies. Its red wrapping, decorated with little Christmas trees, is reflected in the equally red and shiny Christmas baubles. Of course, there’s only one way to how the present got under the tree, only one person who’d be able to do it. Buck still has a key to Tommy's house. He hasn't been in touch since the break-up, and Tommy has missed the perfect time where you presumably ask for the things that the other person still has in their possession. 

The little red box bears Evan’s signature so much, it hurts. It is not particularly carefully packaged, although you can see he's made an effort. Instead of just buying a box, he has wrapped whatever is in the parcel in wrapping paper. It’s wrinkled, the small trees on it are uneven. Tommy can almost see it: Evan sitting at his kitchen table, his tongue between his half-open lips, concentrated in a tangle of adhesive tape. A man with such skillful hands, yet he simply can’t coordinate them. Hands that save lives but fail when cutting paper. Opposites that are downright confusing - and yet so attractive. 

Tommy lets out a sigh that echoes off the walls of his room, as if his own house is mocking him for his self-inflicted loneliness. He holds the small gift in his hands and wonders whether he should really open it. What’s the intention behind it? Why give him a present? The truth is, Evan had gifted him with his mere presence, probably without even knowing it. Getting that back would be a far greater gift than whatever may be in this box. 

The only problem is that he believes he doesn't deserve either. 

Tommy carefully pulls on the adhesive strip, runs a finger beneath the paper and very gently removes it. There is a plain white box underneath. Maybe it was a spontaneous idea to wrap it, but then why go to all the trouble for an undertaking that Evan also knows he hardly has mastered? Tommy's thoughts are on a rollercoaster, a constant up and down, and every steep descent causes tingles in his guts. 

Tommy shakes the box. There’s a soft tinkling sound inside, metal scraping against the cardboard of the box. He turns the box over in his hands, looks at it from all sides, but he is only delaying the inevitable, and he knows it. Opening the lid feels like tearing off a band-aid. Inside is a folded note on a layer of tissue, as green as the little trees on the wrapping paper, but not as green as the branches of  Tommy’s Christmas tree. Green as hope, maybe. 

Tommy,

I still see a future. E. 

Tommy stares at the note, his eyes actually looking right through it, far away; back to a time perhaps when he was less afraid. His fingers carefully feel their way over the tissue in the box. There’s still time to put aside the message, the box, the hope. Maybe he's too much of a coward for that, too. Tommy reaches under the paper, lifts it out of the box and tosses it aside. It gently slides under the tree, almost exactly where the present was. A sign, or not; everything is a sign or it isn’t. 

There’s a key in the box.

That’s not the key to Tommy’s house. Even if it would have been a weird way to return it like this, his deceptive heart feared just that for a moment. But it's also not the key to Evans Loft, because Tommy didn't give it back either. Silly, that they both had clung to this symbols so much. So, it’s neither his key nor Evan’s, and it only takes a quickening heartbeat longer for Tommy to realize. It really is a symbol, this key. One that not only relies on Tommy's curiosity, but also trusts that he will rise to the occasion. 

Suddenly, his phone is in his hands.

This the key to your heart, Evan? 

Bating his breath, he’s waiting for an answer.  

[aishaspen]

hi, i need opinions on this excerpt of a james potter x reader fic (idek if i will ever complete or post it) i just wrote. if you like angsty fics can you pls tell me what you think about this one? i am open to any form of constructive criticism as long as it respectful!

warnings: angst, swearing, slutshaming, a bit of manhandling here and there, implied infidelity and cheating, no use of y/n (some of the dialogue is taken from the oc and bridgerton).

“Why? I am just a slut, aren't I?” She said, narrowing her eyes at him.

James ran a hand through his hair, and tore his eyes away from her. He did say she was easy, didn't he? So why did hearing it come from her own mouth hurt so much?

He tried to speak, to tell her that he didn’t think of her as such, to tell her how much he wanted and loved her, but the words never made their way out of his mouth.

She waited a few minutes for him to answer. He didn’t. She knew he wouldn’t, because he was a coward.

“I hope you and Lily find happiness together.” she whispered, before letting out a scoff, and walking away from him. Good riddance.

“I don't want her! Can’t you see?” she heard him yell, but she didn't want to look back, and kept walking. No matter, James thought, and strode towards her.

She felt him tug at her arm once more, and she struggled to get it out of his firm grasp. A wince left her lips, but she tried to twist her arm again, only in vain.

“Let me go, Potter.” she grunted and tried to pull her arm away, again, but to no avail.

“No. I am not going to let you go.” He said, pulling her towards him again, as she struggled to get out of his grip. She shook her head at his words, and twisted her body, trying to catch someone’s eye so that they could free her.

“I want you. I really do. And unless and until you admit that you want me just the same, you are stuck with me.” Despite the circumstances, a boyish grin crept its way up to James’ face.

Hearing his obnoxious words snapped something in her. She turned back to him, and her free hand collided with his cheek with a harsh force. He dropped her arm in an instant, while she glared at him with red eyes, lined with tears.

“You had me, James. You were the first, no, the only one to ever have me, and you chose Lily. You had me at the Yule ball, and you chose to walk away.” Her throat felt heavy as she said the words, but her chest had never felt lighter. A tear threatened to fall down her cheek, but she raised her chin defiantly to make it disappear back in her eye. She would not let James see her cry, no. Not after what he did to her.

When he refused to answer, again, She didn’t even scoff. She hadn’t really expected more from him, anyway, but it was disappointing to see him speechless.

The silence around them felt heavy and suffocating. She was the one to break it. She didn’t really know if she was more sad or happy about what she said next.

“I never wish to see you, or speak to you again. You are dead to me, James Potter.” The words had an air of finality and sorrow attached to it. A stray tear fell down James' eye as he looked her in the eye with a look which was mournful, angry and pleading all at once.

She let out a heavy sigh, before turning her back to him for the last time. Was this everything she had hoped for?

When she was certain that she wasn’t in his eyesight anymore, She let her tears fall freely for the first time in a very, very long time. She felt both liberated and trapped at once, and she didn't know how to scrub that feeling off her skin.

This was it then. James Potter was finally a closed chapter in her life. Or so she hoped.