#i didn't have enough time to line and colour the others bc of the fucking pre-flight crunch

[macksartblock]

it's 4 am in a warehouse and i have a plane to catch

[hollow-keys]

Diana and Clark for the character bingo (bc you said they were on your mind)

I mean, they were on my mind but I have the attention span of a *remembers goldfish can actually remember things for months* me.

Anyway, on it boss 🫡

Clark

People in the 30's were so right to get attached to him I really love him. I relate to his feeling of alienation and his self consciousness a lot which has led to some. Projecting. A lot of people are wrong about him (by virtue of being so popular) but not enough to tick the everyone is wrong about them box.

Of course there's the "Superman should be dark" Zack Synder crowd and whatever the fuck Injustice is but there's also people who make him too clean and perfect or overemphasise his niceness IMO. My view of him probably comes from reading older comics (especially golden age) where he's a bit rougher and I like that side of him. Like his original tagline was "Champion of the Oppressed" he forced a war profiteer to enlist to teach him a lesson, he trapped a mining company owner (and his party guests) in a mine so he would make his mines safer, he tore down a slum to force the government to rebuild it with better materials all within his first few issues in Action Comics. And this characterization wasn't entirely in those early issues, like later on in DC presents #28 where he fucking. Gives Mongul (unfortunate name)* a brain hemorrhage (it was the only way he could think of to defeat him). Or in The Death of Superman where he kills Doomsday without umming and ahhing over whether or not it's sentient. He's like Diana in that he won't kill most of the time and tries to understand others but he's not a hardline "no kill" guy.

*Elaborating on that but giving a character who is both a villain and has yellowy coloured skin a name that's one letter off of a real Asian ethnicity is uhh... unfortunate ignorance at best and purposefully racist at worst. Mongul. Mongol. They're not even pronounced differently.

*Abrupt segue* Anyway, back to Superman. His meaner and more overtly leftist side frequently gets watered down so he gets characterised as a "hug it out" liberal. I won't say this is a mischaracterisation because there's no one Superman, but it's not my fave.

There's also a lot of discourse about who the real guy is. Is he Kal, Clark or Superman? So you get the shitty take in Kill Bill that calls Clark Kent his critique of humanity (what?) or the Byrne take where Kal doesn't matter.

In my view, he's all of it. He grew up an anomaly, worried he could crush his peers without a thought, constantly having to control himself. Of course he's clumsy because he's spending so much time reigning in 99% of his power, he doesn't have brainspace to think about minutiae. Of course he's anxious because one wrong move could kill somebody. When he's Superman a lot of his brainspace gets freed up because he doesn't have to hide so he's more confident. His heritage does matter because all immigrants, or even descendants of them like me, feel a connection with their heritage, and for someone who never got to know it in the way he should have, he feels a longing for it.

He idealises Krypton and is forced to recon with the flawed reality of it later when he talks to Kara about what it was actually like, which I found a bit relatable because I would idealise Ireland as a child and only really took the rose coloured glasses off later on (which sounds stupid but I was a child and it was really easy to feel like Ireland would be more of a home for me when I didn't fit in in England and my Irish mother accepted me. I extrapolated).

None of it is fake, which is out of line with golden age Clark being non-confrontational and making himself small as part of his disguise, but I don't treat any era as gospel. So yeah, I have a lot of autistic feelings about him.

Umm. I didn't intend for this to be so long I just got rambling about various Clark thoughts that have been buried somewhere in my head for a while.

Diana

She may not be your fave of all time but she's still going in the blorbo by proxy category because you're a fan. On to my actual thoughts about her.

A lot of my feelings about her are mired in my thoughts on her treatment as the only female member of the trinity and how the amazons are treated/written in general rather than solely being about her because in a lot of ways she's symbolic of DC's treatment of women.

WRT the trinity, she's the only member without a secondary title (she used to have Sensation Comics a long time ago) and her potentially much more interesting dynamic with Clark is shoved aside in favour if Clark + Batman. The trinity really feels like it's BATMAN!!! Superman also! and uh *checks smudged handwriting* Wobner Woman.

WRT her she's frequently sexualised, almost always written by privileged men, her supporting characters get nothing (the first non-Diana wonderfam related ongoing was Wonder Girl in 2021 and only lasted 7 issues), her lore gets retconned with much less hastle than Batman or Superman's and her series numbering keeps getting rebooted*

*This may seem like a petty complaint but I've noticed that characters who get rebooted numbering are often ones who while popular enough to get consistent ongoings, don't get a lot of faith from DC so they use the new number 1's as a gimmick to garner interest.

But to focus solely on her as a character, I feel similarly to you about liking her in a chill way. She feels less relatable to me than Clark but she's very cool still. I like her optimism, her strong sense of justice, general badassery and also that she's willing to cross that line and kill under certain circumstances. Her diplomatic bent really makes her unique among heroes too.

I need to read more of her absolutely.

---

But yeah, the reason I was thinking about them was because I was (and am) annoyed that Clark and Bruce are pushed as the dynamic when Clark and Diana make much more sense.

They're both outsiders (in different ways) with incredible power who base their justice around harm reduction and have a sense of optimism about the world and the ability to do better. Both make a point of being compassionate, considerate and diplomatic. Bruce's justice is rooted in his trauma and a desire to protect others from experiencing that and he's more pessimistic. He's not particularly considerate or good at communicating, he can be quite self centered and he's obscenely wealthy, which I think would put him at odds with Clark and his values. (Yeah, yeah, Bruce donates to charity but he's still a billionaire so it's clearly not enough, and while Clark may not be straight up commie, I do think he'd agree that being a billionaire is too much).

The reason Bruce and Clark are pushed so much is because they're DC's most famous characters but Diana isn't too far behind and she makes more sense as Clark's closest friend on the League but DC hates women and loves Batman so it's Batman and Superman: World's Finest forever and ever.

Thanks for asking!

[moriartyluver]

The only thing keeping me sane abt the baby is the fact that they can always make another pen and he wasn’t even that formed yet😭

The bouquets of lilies being fresh is going to ruin him even more because it means she was still mourning until then

Honestly fl has every right to be salty for a little, girlie lost and had to deal with sm

Imagine William trying to get her attention and constantly glancing at her during the dinner because he hasn’t seen her in so long and just can’t get enough of her but he’s also scared to keep looking at her for a long time because he doesn’t wanna bother her🤭

Bro definitely had a little shrine, it was like a Lana Del Rey shrine expect for fl instead

Louis is such a therapist, mostly a couples one but he could definitely be a good children’s therapist

YES EVERY ROOM.

Okay not every room but most rooms, and they had done it in a bathtub, end of story

Almost everyone in the gang had heard them😞 they are traumatized but fl and liam couldn’t care less

Honestly almost all the mtp characters are probably virgins and haven’t had their first kiss or a crush

Actually I take that back I feel like liam would’ve had these small crushes (that mainly formed from admiration) when he was a teen for a few people but they weren’t like big ‘I wanna marry you’ crushes but just small short ‘wow you’re so cool, kind and smart I’m gonna crush on you for a few days and then move on’ type of crushes

HELP FL MAKING IT A COMPETITION

PAUSE

WDYM BY THAT

So is the something part of fl or something different😟

🎀.

I think the saddest part abt losing the baby for fl would be losing the last thing she had of liam. It was mostly because the baby was an extension of her dead lover that had her so distraught

Fl would still be wearing traditional black mourning clothes when William sees her again and all the people who didn’t know abt William coming back would ever so confused when she suddenly starts wearing other colours again

Thing is with fl is that she’s actually really understanding but she doesn’t show it if that makes sense. Like she lets William back in really easily because she knows that even tho he was selfish for not finding her as soon as he could, she knows he was suffering a lot in her absence and physically too. She doesn’t think what he said to her before he jumped into the Thames was right but she sympathises with him bc she realises soon after that he was trying to push her away for a reason

Honestly fl and Liam are giving that one lyric in flawless by the neighbourhood “So, she put his heart in a bag, he wouldn't ask for it back He didn't want her to cry, she didn't want to be sad She said, you better not leave me This shit'll be fucked for days and weeks and months”

He keeps trying to sneak little looks at her because he thinks she got even prettier although tired, in his absence and he can’t take his eyes off her aww. The moment their relationship goes back to normal, they can actually love each other freely without having to worry about anything. Fl breaks off her engagement to liam wannabe and lives with him happily ever after and they have a bunch of kids who are little hybrids of them

I swear liam is on the very thin line between normal love & infatuation and then just insane obsession and low-key yandere type of love for fl. the shrine is such a funny concept tho like imagine one of his brothers sees his little collection of photos that he has of fl and him together. Gets worse after they get married 😭

Louis is og Charlie’s and og Lottie’s therapist u can’t tell me otherwise. He had to do couples counselling for fl and Liam except that wasn’t very hard tbh.

NAH THE BATHTUB 😭 THEYRE SO DOWN BAD. Only the other members of the gang’s bedrooms are safe. Every damn room is crazy 😭 they didn’t have much time. Had to make it count. Arguably Moran has had it the worst out of all of them. We make fun of him for being a cockblock but for him all of a sudden he’s walking in on some kid he’s known since said kid was a teenager getting pinned to a desk by his not actually wife

The only mtp characters I can imagine getting any sort of action would be Moran, James, possibly Albert?? John but that’s because he’s married. Patterson low-key a dilf like bros 40 and still looking fine. Most of the others have never even spoken to a woman let alone kissed one

I relate to liams crush situation. It’s usually platonic but the admiration makes it feel romantic if that makes sense. I’ve never had a proper proper crush on a guy before bc British dudes are NASTY unless they’re from mtp.

Liam is just such a hoe and it’s so funny to kind of mischaracterise his nerdy ass that way man 😭

[izzy-b-hands]

More Dethklok/The Revenge bc why not since I'm not sleeping yet lol

also Jack kills Rockso in this one, congrats to Jack, get fucked to Rockso aksndkfnf

---

"So," Jack winces. "How attached were y'all to the on-site clown?"

"The what?" Nathan grumbles around a mouthful of potato chip.

"The guy, big hair, bright colours," Jack gestures. "Deep V on his jumpsuit?"

"Oh, that piece of shit," Nathan chuckles. "Toki likes him. Why?"

"Ah fuck," Jack sighs. "I may have run him down because he started shooting at me while I was trying to park."

"Oh. Okay."

"Uh...that's it?"

"I mean," Stede interjects. "He was a bad person. Very literally just a terrible man."

"And there's things to be said about vigilante justice, blah, blah, blah," Ed adds. "But instead I'm going to ask if you want pizza or not."

"Yes?" Jack frowns. "What about Toki?"

"You're basically a clown now and again," Izzy says. "And not a complete piece of shit like Rockso was. You're a good replacement."

"And what if I don't like Toki? I'm meeting him for the first fuckin' time today, after all-"

"Rockso ams deads!" Toki barrels into the kitchen and slams into Jack's chest. "Charles says you trieds to saves him! Thanks you so much for whats you did!"

Charles jogs in behind him, making clear 'just fucking go with it' gestures to them all.

"Uh, yeah," Jack pats Toki's back. "I sure did all I could. Definitely didn't reverse over him more than once."

Toki sobs.

"And hey! We were gonna have your chefs make some pizza! That's gotta help, right?"

"Cans we does shots while we eats it?" Toki whimpers. "Also, ams you a cowboys or a clowns or both?"

"Depends on the day and who you ask and Izzy don't say a fucking word," Jack smirks. "I'm Calico Jack, and I don't let genres define me."

"Think metal Tom Waits," Ed says. "That's him more or less in a phrase."

"I've asked you not to do that, define me," Jack sighs. "Toki, I think I need those shots. Where's the nearest whiskey bar?"

"We don'ts got a bar, but the Klokateers makes most of our booze here!"

"Why the fuck do y'all ever leave?" Jack asks playfully as Toki drags him away towards the nearest Klokateer, presumably to start feeding each other booze.

"Okay, so someone's gonna deal with the..." Pickles pauses. "Charles, you got someone dealing with-"

"Rockso is on his way to be cremated then buried," Charles interrupts. "As per his latest will."

"Oh good. So, if we do this song with Jack-"

"No other concerns about Rockso being killed on your property?" Charles asks.

"No," Skwisgaar replies. "He ams finally deads; we haves pizza on the way; grass ams green, any other facts yous ams wanting me to recite for no good reason?"

"That answers the are you hangry question," Charles continues. "And no. Just wanted to make sure, if anyone was feeling anything conflicting about it-"

"Shhhh," Pickles interrupts. "Just enjoy the moment with us."

There's a beat of silence.

"So. I didn't see a parking lot when we got dropped off here today," Frenchie says gently. "Where did Jack park, and where the fuck was that creepy clown wandering?"

"Doesn't matter, his car will be safe regardless," Stede takes the lead, with an accompanying nod from Charles. "And he was wandering in the best place possible: in front of Jack's car."

"A lot of people die here, huh?"

"Don't worry about it," Nathan passes down plates as a chef sets a platter of pizza on the counter nearest them. "Have some pizza, and think about that adjustment to the bass line I mentioned. Murderface can't play it well enough, but you or someone else could."

Frenchie takes the pizza and nods. "He truly was one of the worst people, wasn't he? The clown?"

"May he rescht in pissch," Murderface declares, and with it, the matter feels perfectly settled.

[capricioussun]

We’re just gunna have to ignore the absolutely abhorrent quality of this sketch bc I can’t waste time on non art fight stuff rn but colour was really important to get some of the aspects across

Stuff abt him beneath the cut ✨

So 1, I have no idea what's up with that style. That was how I saw him and it felt fitting but I'll probably try to draw him in my more usual style at some point but for now, he is Shaped.

2, I didn't capture it well, but this guy looks like a mess. His "colour layer" sometimes misaligns with his "line art" layer when he moves like they suddenly shift to different frame rates, and he has all these glitches, some of which are only visual, but some of which make him flinch/twitch/shudder/etc.

3, his clothes sporadically change pieces, and he rarely has one One cohesive outfit, sometimes elements of other papyri even glitching in, or fanon things like his brother's bandana

4, when he gets really bent out of shape, the glitches worsen significantly and the right eye goes from static to pitch black, the colours leaking from his mouth the same, while the left eye goes from purple to The Blue Screen Of Death

5, what are the colours leaking from his mouth? I don't know. They can also leak from any bones/joints/eyes/etc, but mostly just from his mouth, and it pretty much never stops, though it dissipates quickly enough so it doesn't just like. Get everywhere and stay there

6, his form itself isn't wholly stable, so he can stretch and squish sort of like a cartoon but it does hurt him the more extreme it gets

7, his magic is completely fucked. Attacks don't even appear as attacks, just error messages of sorts and like, corrupted code looking...things.

8, I don't know what he qualifies as, so I'll say for right now he’s mostly chaotic neutral. I don't think he necessarily wants to hurt others? But could probably be incredibly dangerous and easily provoked

9, he knows who he is but can't actually really remember anything about himself, so he’s kind of always confused, and assumes anyone he recognizes could be his version of them

10, I have much to mull about him but he’s sooo fucked up and I love him <3

Holy hell I just got slammed by visuals for a fucked up swap papyrus that I will be calling CD for rn (corrupted disk) but it was WILD I have to draw him once I finish this attack

[6okuto]

Heres something more fluffy, post chapter 12 mc taking felix out on a date bc they know how much of a romantic he is- as much as he has tried to hide it. Maybe they got an idea from one of his novels. Or could be a planned confession if they hadnt actually said I love you yet, just bc they know hed like it.

— mc taking felix on a date and saying i love you

help. i sure wish i noticed this earlier BHSBF no it's ok [ here's the date post where felix is implied to have asked mwah ] this is my apology to him btw. sorry felix here's your first i love you

the fact that they've spent so much time together and sort of figured out their feelings...but haven't gone on a date and felix hasn't been feeling good...it's time for mc to take initiative

mc taking him around and doing !! as many romantic things as possible !!

sharing a drink with two straws, getting matching jewelry, making wishes at a fountain together, picking out a drink or book for each other, pulling his hand along to make him flustered, surprising him with a kiss whenever they can

you know that lady on tiktok that writes poems on the spot when you give her a prompt,, them getting one together :((

but mc still doesn't think it's enough. so they decide to have something special at the end

hear me out. collecting both of their favourite novels and lines out of them and making like...a little booklet with quotes & at the end they ask if he'd like to go on a date

OR. or. a little scavenger hunt where they leave a quote at each location + a hint and they all lead to mc at the end (with sage and anisa's help probably) :[

y'know the tiktok sound that says "as a cold hearted bitch with no feelings about anything if somebody said this to me i would simply perish and die because that's the most romantic thing ever" yeah. all those quotes. all the ones that he'd love. little romantic nerd

"i don't think i knew i was lonely until i met you"

"i would come for you. and if i couldn't walk to you i'd crawl to you."

"i'll give you the world. the moon. the fucking stars. anything you ask, it's yours. i'm yours."

"when i watch you sleep, i feel overwhelmed that you exist."

mc handing him a bouquet of his favourite flowers..(or if it was my funky little scavenger hunt idea there's a flower at each location)

i want you to look me in my eyes and tell me felix would not be completely overwhelmed and (almost) cry

he thinks he's so cool so edgy so mysterious but he's just always wanted something really romantic to happen to him

and mc doing it of their own volition in such a personalized way??

he takes the time to read each and every quote along with any notes mc made, noticing how many he had mentioned to them and how many he had never seen but made his heart flutter

the "i didn't even have a favourite colour" post except with the quotes that mc starred

he looks at them and they say "i know the past few weeks haven't been easy but i just wanted you to know whenever you want help or a break, i'll be here. and if you'd like to go on another date i'd enjoy that, but it's up to you. i love you"

saying "i love you" is probably . a very big thing for him . the romance and intimacy and trust of it all :/

and if felix could verbally keysmash...he would. if he could vocalize "bsdhbfhfbakd??@!#$%#!@?" that's the noise he'd make

but he can't so all he does is kind of stammer and choke

he tries covering up how flustered and emotional he is by saying "well, that definitely ruins my plans for telling you i love you first, doesn't it?"

felix kissing them and saying "thank you, mc. and yes, i'd love to i—i, um," "you don't need to say it if you don't feel comfortable—" "no, no! i just...i can't—ugh. i really did plan to say it first. but i love you, too. truly, with all of me." :(

i'm on the verge rn

felix rereading all the quotes alone, coming into mc's room, and tackling them into a hug & kiss with no warning </3 help girl

[jonnnysuh]

Never Not - Park Jinyoung

Pairing: idol!Jinyoung x gender neutral reader

Summary: Your bad day is turned around when your childhood best friend, Jinyoung, returns to your hometown and takes you on a tour of your favourite memories together.

Genre: angst, fluff, friends to lovers

Warnings: suggested sexual experience

Word Count: 4.3k

Requested by: Anon

A/N: Hi guysssss. I took a small break from tumblr bc I got super busy with work. I haven’t written something like this in a while, but I actually loved how it turned out. I recommend listening to Never Not by Lauv to get into the mood <33

Effort was hard to make these days. Even the way you walked had an unmistakable slouch. Your exhaustive strides were just a shallow reminder that there used to be a hop in your step. Five more minutes and you were free from the shackles of work. Free to figure out what to make for dinner, and appease the gurgles of your stomach.The seconds on the point of sale system didn't seem to move fast enough as you folded the customer's final item and shoved it into a bag.

When you were a kid, no one told you how exhausting being an adult was, and thus it became something to look forward to. You were so caught up on getting that first kiss, sneaking out to go to parties, seeing people that your parents didn't approve of, that you didn't realize that life didn't slow down from there. It was like you blinked, and you were no longer 16. Instead, you were twenty-something perpetually feeling like life was just an endless pit of "what ifs" and building up the courage to make something of yourself. Another mindless "Have a good day." escaped your lips as you bid a customer bye for the nth time that day. You wondered how many of your years would waste away telling others to have a good day, when you yourself hadn't had one in a while.

You pressed your fingers against your temple to sooth a small growing headache. Working in retail for as long as you had, you knew that the s-curved line of people didn't stop for your discomfort. With a fake smile on your face, you welcomed the next few customers as your eyes wandered around the store looking for the person who was going to take over for the next hour. Fifteen minutes past the hour, your replacement finally came. Externally, you wanted to scream and ask them what took you so long? but you knew that would only make you as good as the worst customer. Graciously, you nodded at them, before walking away to the back room to fetch your things and head out.

...

You stood against the wall at the bus shelter shivering from the cool summer breeze that was disguising just how rapidly autumn was truly coming. Today probably wasn't the best day to forget your coat.  You rubbed your arms for warmth, taking micro footsteps in place.  The pain in your feet made you romanticize the comfort of the sturdy old bus seats as a place of rest. You felt your phone in your pocket vibrate, but you let it ring out. You were determined to get a seat on this bus. A deep sigh escaped you as you surveyed the density of the crowd on the platform- the ride home was definitely going to be longer than usual. When the bus arrived, you queued behind a long line of people. Your phone rang a second time, at this point the crowd was getting larger and you knew you weren't going to get a seat on this bus.

PRIVATE CALLER 

"Hello?" you pressed your phone to your ear. Sometimes your mother used phone booths to reach you, so you expected her voice to be on the other end of the line. "I'm offended I had to call you twice for you to pick up."  The voice was much deeper, and the delivery much more lighthearted than anything that would've came out of your mother.  The absence of a greeting was distinct and direct, but no matter, you knew exactly who this was.

You felt the tenseness of your shoulders drop with just the sound of this voice. "If I had definitely known it was you, I wouldn't have picked up, Mr. Private caller." you jest with the phone  pressed between your ear and the crook of your shoulder.

"You know, I was gonna suggest that I pick you up, but just for that comment, I change my mind."

You poke your tongue at your cheek, coyly. For all the changes that occurred in your life, for some reason you could depend on Jinyoung's quick wit and humour to hit the spot even after all this time.

"That's fine, I just finished work so I was thinking of just going home anyways."  You had no idea he was even back in South Korea. Last you heard, he was on tour somewhere in North America. More than that, you couldn't even remember when the last time you actually talked was. You were curious about what he was up to these days, but you you knew any hint of urgency in your voice would lead to incessant teasing on his part. The line progressed slightly, but you still didn't feel any closer to the entrance of the bus.

  "I'm about to get on a bus home." 

"Well, don't get on." 

"If I don't get on then you're gonna have to repay me for the fare I paid to even get here." You eyed the bus reaching its capacity, and stepped aside. You twisted your fingers in hope that he was being 100% serious, otherwise you were going to have to wait out for the 6:30pm bus.

"I can't believe the cost of your attention is only $2. Do better." the voice quipped. 

"Okay, Jinyoung I guess I'll just get on, then." you threatened, although you had no intention of boarding the departing bus.

"Fine, fine. I'll pay for your fare. Just wait for me."

...

The sky had darkened tenfold since you hung up from Jinyoung's impromptu call. The streetlights glowed gold against the lavender backdrop of the sky. You sat on the bus shelter bench, swinging your feet back and forth as you waited for him. If he took even a minute longer, you vowed to somehow become the president of the Park Jinyoung hate club. Of course, you wouldn't actually, but the idea became more appealing the longer you waited. 

You weren't one to go on spontaneous outings- at least not since your teenage years. Recently, you followed the strict routine of work, home, sleep, and to stray from it seemed pointless. But the fact that he even thought of you when he came back home to South Korea was still not something you could wrap your head around.

In the distance, a glow of headlights appeared, stopping perfectly adjacent to your bus stop. The window rolled down, and there appeared Jinyoung's face in all its glory. To say all the words in your vocabulary disappeared would be an understatement. A part of you doubted he would even follow through. Without missing a beat, he returned a look to you. "You just gonna stare at me, or are you gonna get in the car?"

...

Your backpack was sitting atop your lap, bouncing with the movement of the car. Jinyoung hung one hand over the steering wheel. The orange and purple of the sky twisting, and creating a brand new colour that only seemed to grace the skies at this hour. The music was unidentifiable, but the volume was low enough that you didn't even bother trying to figure it out.

"So what'd you do today?" he asked. 

"I worked, I told you that." you replied, matter-of-factly.

"And how was it?"

"I honestly can't tell the difference between this week and last week. Or even last month. Same old, same old. Annoying customers, stale lunch, forgot my jacket at home even though it's 15 fucking degrees outside." 

"Do you still work at that clothing store you started at when we were 20?"

  Your eyes shifted, following the ever-changing scenery of the highway. No idea where he was bringing you, and yet you were brought to comfort by Jinyoung's habits.  You knew he didn't have a drug deal, or a random party planned.  Jinyoung was always the type to be home before midnight. He was a self-proclaimed goody-two-shoes, but you weren't completely fooled. You knew he could bend the rules if it seemed to serve him.

  "That exact same one."

 "Anything else?"

  You looked at him, the shock settling in that he was really right next to you-- no longer just a figure on a billboard that you used to know. The changes of his physicality were subtle; his face was more defined, but his cheeks still carried the baby fat that had been there since childhood. The shadow of his facial hair loomed on his smooth skin. The mole on the top of his lip, not necessarily gone, but faded. He looked older, but the aura of his presence remained the same.

"And then I was dumb enough to get into a car with a stranger because he said he'd give me $2."

Jinyoung side eyed you, causing you to erupt in laughter. His glare was also unchanging. "Stranger? Your memory's fading already?" He shook his head disappointedly. "I thought you still had a few good years left."

  "Oh yeahhhhhh. Sorry Jinyoungie. Didn't recognize you with all the fame." you pinched and pulled on his ear- both things a relic of your grade school years. When you were kids, you never let him forget the age gap. Granted, it was only 3 days, but that gave you the freedom to refer to him however you pleased, while he was stuck with the honorifics.

As you let go, the curve of his ear flushed red. "OWW.” he cried, swatting your hand away. “You’re lucky I’m driving otherwise I would pull your hair.”

Being raised with Jinyoung meant that you were inseparable but kind of in the worst way. If Jinyoung got  a good mark on a test, his parents would immediately flaunt it to yours. If you wanted to sneak out, he was on your tail telling you to go back home. And if he knew you liked someone, then that person would know soon enough by the words of Jinyoung. All of that warranted ear pulling, and if you did something in retaliation he would pull your hair.

He was one of the few people in your life, who encapsulated a certain time of your life.  The time in your life when you were young, and the world felt so big and everything was possible.

  The car rocked back and forth as it shifted into the elevated ramp of a parking lot. Your eyes widened as you realized where you were.  He lingered in his seat before popping his seatbelt off and exiting the car. You followed him, swinging the passenger door open.

  "So you randomly called me because you wanted to hang out at the...convenience store?" you gestured to the old, orangey building. The bricks were chipped, and the fluorescent lights illuminated the outside through the big glass window.  You remember the days when you and Jinyoung would sit on the parking blocks and split a bag of chips until you were chased off the property by the owner. He pulled on the store door, pressing his back to it and letting you enter first. 

"Well, I wasn't going to come here until you started yanking my ears. That's when I knew you were hungry."

Without stopping, you weaved through the store until you reached aisle 3- the snack aisle had become a home to you and Jinyoung when you were growing up. In grade school, you were both fearful of what was beyond the boundaries of your home and school so you indulged in after school snacks at the convenience to talk about the latest happenings in your life. As you aged, it became the place of solace after exams, or the meetup location for last minute plans.

  He picked up a package of gummy worms, and shook them in your face. "Do you remember what happened the last time we ate theseeee?" Jinyoung smirked. For a moment, you were taken aback by how much he had grown. In your teens, you and Jinyoung met eye to eye. Now, you felt like you had to look up at him in order to be taken seriously.

  You crossed your arms, "Yeah, we ate them in the parking lot and you made me confess who I had a crush on." 

"Chan, right?" 

You nodded, with a sulk as you reminisced. "That wasn't fair."

 "Why? Do you still have a crush on him?" 

"I haven't thought about him in so long. You really think I'd have a lingering crush on a guy I haven't seen in years?"

Jinyoung shrugged, and shifted his feet. "You had a huge crush on him, though. You even stared at him like this." He rested his palm to his cheek, letting out a deep sigh while trying to maintain an enamoured expression. You snorted, hitting him on the chest. "You'd write his name all over your notebooks AND you bullied me into giving you one of my new ones." he added.

You let out a belly laugh. "And then I wrote his name all over that one too."

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. "They were premium quality notebooks. My aunt sent me them from the states!"

 "You had a kabillion of them. Besides, you pestered me for-like-ever to know who I liked, but you never even told me who you had a crush on." You grabbed the bag of gummy worms from his hand and placed it in your shopping basket. Your attention shifted, as you realized you should be in search of your favourite chocolates. You knew that you were far too old to be eating junk food for dinner, but there was something familiar about being hyped up on food that you knew would rot your insides. Your eyes landed on the top row of the wall, and before you could grab your favourite chocolates, Jinyoung stripped it from the wall and dropped it into the basket. He piled on a bag of sour cream and onion chips, and then you both ventured to the drink refrigerators.

  Both of you stared deeply at your drink options. On each level of the fridge, stood several different colourful drinks. If you knew Jinyoung, then you knew he would pick a Coke- it was something he swore by in your younger years. You hummed, mentally deciding between an iced tea or a vitamin water.  You weren't sure why it bothered you when Jinyoung picked up a Sprite, but you tried to hide your dismay. With an ice tea in hand, and a basket full of both of your favourite things, you made your way to the cashier.

  At the last moment, Jinyoung placed a bright yellow umbrella on the checkout counter. He looked down at you, surely, “You never know when it’s gonna rain.”

...

The following car ride to your next destination only lasted about 3 minutes before he parked on the side of the road and dragged you down the street, with the plastic bag full of your foods in hand. 

"I should've known you were going to bring me here." you said, strolling down the familiar gravel pathway towards your elementary school. All colour in the sky had disappeared now, finding it hard to see anything but the outline of each other and some features.

  Both of you settled on the grass field, onlooking the tall school building that was the foundation of your formal years. As soon as you opened the bag of chips, you found yourselves deep in conversation, talking about what life had been for him the last few years. You couldn't help but be in awe when he explained the rush he got when he got on stage, and how he got anxiety when he thought he wasn’t doing his best.  The candidacy of his thoughts drew you in and you were surprised that he trusted you with his secrets. 

All these years, you had always wondered what he was up to, if he was living a life far better than the one he left at home.  To everyone else, he was this huge pop star that had travelled the world 3 times over, but to you, he was your best friend who left home at 16. You had seen him through the bad hair phases, the adolescent temper tantrums, the voice cracks, and the questionable fashion choices both your parents had put you in.

  He leaned back on his arms as he gazed at the school. "Are you afraid of change?" You were silent for a moment as you thought. "On a scale of 1-10?" you rocked your head back and forth. "It's a 15."

Jinyoung raised his eyebrows. You held your legs to your chest, and looked at him. "Why?"

He opened his mouth, but quickly closed it and looked smugly in the other direction. "Heyyy." you poked him repeatedly. "You can't just ask me that and not tell me why."

He enclosed his hand around your finger, forcing your poking to come to a halt. It felt like he was studying your face. Never in your life had you ever felt like you were under the scope of Jinyoung's gaze. The darkness of the sky acted as a mask, hiding your blushing face.

"It was the last thing I asked you before I left." he admitted. "I asked you that when things were about to change big time for us… I always wondered if you resented me for leaving you behind."

  The last day before Jinyoung left to become a full-time trainee, you two snuck on to this very same field. Both of you ran across the grass, picking up dandelions; believing that if you gathered enough and blew on them, that they would fuel your wishes.

  “You thought I could resent you?” He nodded. “Well, for starters, I hate your guts.” You replied sarcastically, causing him to look at the ground with embarrassment and your face softened at the sight of it.

  “You know what I wished for on all of those dandelions, Jinyoung?”

 “Not to fail the math exam.” Even in a soft moment, he couldn’t help but be sly. “No!” You exclaimed. 

“Well, you should’ve. You got a 48.” He sensed your killer look on him. “So what’d you wish for?”

You played with your fingers. You thought you’d take this secret to the grave. “I wished that you’d be successful in whatever you chose to do.” His eyes enlarged, alarmed at your confession. “but maybe I should’ve wished for the math thing.”

  Jinyoung giggled, inching closer to you so your legs were pressed against each other. 

“What did you wish for?” You asked. He smiled with the side of his mouth, shaking his head. 

“I wished that I’d always find my way back home.” “Oh goddd.” You gagged. “you’re so corny.”

 “What about you, huh? You used your wish on me!” he bellowed, his voice echoing against the school playground. 

“Hey, I might just be the reason why you’re famous.” You fought back.

You flipped your phone over, 7:53, the brightness of it only barely illuminating the dark. You thought about what you would be doing at this moment if you weren’t here, if he hadn’t picked you up.  Mmm probably falling asleep to a tv show. Probably dreading tomorrow. Probably not as happy.

"But what did I say? You know… the first time you asked me that question?” You couldn’t even begin to imagine how 16-year-old you answered.

  "You said you were excited to see who we were going to become.” The words of your younger self were so hopeful, yet your current self felt hopeless. Your expression sank, and Jinyoung offered a small smile to revive it. He felt guilty having asked you the question in the first place.

You sat in silence for a bit, dwelling on the excitement for life that you once had. Where was it? And how could you get it back?

“I feel like I’ve let myself down. I don’t even know who I am now.”

Jinyoung blinked slowly, watching his childhood best friend crumble. He rested a hand on your shoulder.  "I just look at you, and in so many ways you're the same. I still know what makes you laugh, and the way you say things. I can still pick out your favourite snacks, and know you’re gonna pull my ears when I do something to piss you off.” he yanked on yours softly. "Everything about you feels just how I left you. I feel my youth when I'm with you. But at the same time I’m comforted by how much you’ve changed.”

“I don’t think I’ve changed much.”

“You don’t see it, do you?” You shook your head no. “Do you remember how scared you were to even leave the house when we were kids? Now you live on your own. You never took anything seriously back then, but you’re now one of the hardest working people I know…” his voice softened. “And you let yourself be vulnerable with me when it used to take hours to drag it out of you.” You laid on his shoulder, and he rested his head on top of yours, snuggling closer. “You fear change, yet you’re changing right before your own eyes. And maybe one day, I’ll come back here, and I won’t even be able to recognize who you’ve become.” You sniffled, the idea of Jinyoung not remembering you broke your heart. You held your chest. “But if that day does come, it’ll be okay. Because I know that the person that you’ve become will have it all figured out.  I’ll always be rooting for every single version of yourself even if it doesn’t include me.” You sobbed quietly, interlocking your fingers with his. He held your hand tightly, rubbing his thumb against the back of your hand. For once, there was an action not done out of habit or relic. It was an action evoked just for this moment, and it was a change that you didn’t mind.

…

Jinyoung held your hand, leading you down a narrow road a few minutes away. The sound of crickets, barking dogs, and distant vehicles could be heard as you stood in the middle of the road of your childhood neighbourhood.

  You hadn’t been here since you moved in 2016. You looked up at the large modern house that sat on what used to be two lots. Yours and Jinyoung’s childhood homes were purchased by a wealthy business man and demolished to build the business man’s dream home. You stared at the foreign house that sat on the place of your childhood dreams and frustrations.

  Jinyoung placed his hands on your shoulders and stopped you at the exact halfway point between what was once his house and your house. You rubbed your arms as a gust of wind rushed by. Without thinking, Jinyoung slipped off his hoodie and placed it on top of your shoulders.

“I remember racing you down this street.” You piped up, pointing down the end of the road. Jinyoung always won that race. No one was faster than him on this street.

“I remember finding that stray puppy and fighting over who got to keep it.” He responded.

“It should’ve been me.” You bickered. Jinyoung laughed, amused at how you were always one to hold a grudge.

“Do you remember that day when it started raining soooo hard and we had to walk shoulder to shoulder under my umbrella?”

You nodded. “Ya, that was the same day with the gummy worms, you dummy.”

“So do you remember what happened right here?” He pointed at the exact spot you were standing. You racked your head for a memory, but nothing stood out to you clearly. You shook your head no. “We always said bye to one another here...but…?” you trailed off.

He took a step forward, both of you standing directly under the streetlight now. You watched his face light up as he likely played the moment back in his head. “So that day, standing under my umbrella, we were about to go our separate ways. You turned into me.”

He took another step closer, popping open the bright yellow convenience store umbrella and holding it over your heads.

You could see it now. It was drizzling so hard, even your hair wasn’t protected from getting soaked.   You wrapped your hands around the handle, just like how you did back then. Chest to chest, huddled under the umbrella. Jinyoung locked eyes with you, your heart beat faster.

“And you looked at me, and I swear I was going to say everything I wanted to tell you right then and there.” Your mouth opened in shock. “This was the place where I almost told you I loved you.”

You studied the eyes of the boy you watched grow up. He looked scared, but sure. There was no doubt in your mind that Jinyoung meant what he said. He lowered the umbrella, not letting his gaze veer from you.

  Your life was just a build up of what if’s and trying to gain the courage to make something of yourself… but you didn’t want that anymore. With your heart beating out of control, you leaned into him, taking the risk and kissing his lips. He wrapped his arms around your waist, deepening the heat of the kiss.

A round of thunder boomed above you, and little by little, raindrops began to pour from the sky.

You and Jinyoung separated to look up at the sky. “I did say, you never know when it’s gonna rain.”

You both ran for the car, shoulder to shoulder, under the umbrella. From your heads to your toes, you were soaked in the rain, but neither of you cared. You silently thanked the world for every bad thing that happened to you today that led to this.

…

You blinked your eyes awake, surveying the damp clothes strewn across your living room floor, and the heat of the bare body laying next to you on the couch. You stared at your sleepy childhood best friend, a smile spreading across your lips. This was a change you were ready for. 

[meraki-kintsukuroi]

a star is dying, but the universe won't let it.

(or alternatively: you're burning out like a dying star but these hands that have loved you even long before will never let you go, even if it means getting burnt along.)

tags/warnings: hurt/comfort, light angst, soft fluff, references to depression and to the pandemic, and maybe probably a bit of child abuse it doesn't happen though its just mentioned, implied long-distance relationship, space, morbid, and colour metaphors, discussions about death and dying, shit writing and word vomit (bc im rusty as hell).

pairings : kindaichi yuutaro/reader (gn! reader & ambiguous relationship bc ytf not)

wc : 1, 755

a/n: dedicated to @haru-senji for being in the same situation as I and to all the other people who are as well, hang in there you guys, love you and please stay safe <3.

"Hey 'tarou are you up...?", Yuutarou hears you call out to him in the dark, breaking the silence in the night with your voice faint and small, almost lost against the loud howling wind of the dim sky.

He shifts, twisting his body to where you are, and in the dark--despite of it all--reaches for you when you don't pull or push him away and squeezes the hand you let him hold.

(Intimacy between skin has always been a line you jump in and out of and yuutaro wonders if there ever could be a day where he can hold you without you flinching or shrinking away, and without him saying that its okay despite the hurt in his heart or the deep open scars in yours.)

"Mm, yeah..?", he asks, voice a deep low rasp from the silence that had long been stretching between you, "What is it?"

There is a pregnant pause before you speak. It stretches long and wide much like the ones before and he can't help but be reminded of sea and the sky and he thinks that even in the vastness of it all with you besides him, your backs against the grass of some far away place, underneath all the darkness and twinkling nights, and far away from all uninvited eyes. He thinks that if you were to say anything here and now he would keep it lock in his chest until the day he died.

(Because happiness is limited in a world that is almost at its limit, only holding on to whatever thin silver lining there was to just not fall into the void of nothingness and cease to exist.)

"Do you know how a star is born?",

The ex-volleyball captain blinks once and then twice, and thinks of a grand king who he had served for three long years, of a boy turned king-enemy, to a friend that he had found once lost, of a gymnasium so big that it had to be the whole universe with how many stars, planets, and other celestial bodies there had been, but no matter how much he had thought of it, those astral objects that he had thought of was only at their prime and not at their beginning.

(Those people, those upperclassmen, those players, those rivals, his teammates, had been and always been stars--the moon, the sun, the planet--his universe.

He wonders how proud, those who have seen them at their very beginning feel? To see the rock with no fuel burn with utmost energy along with others who are just as bright as them.)

"No, I don't.", He says, a quiet thing and hears you hum, before feeling you twist and turn before finally settling again, not once letting his hand go as you did so.

(He does not comment on how closer you are to him now, afraid you'd pull away and distance yourself from him again.)

"How about when they die?", you ask him instead, and across the vast meadow he hears the crickets chirping this season's song "Do you know how they die?"

Yuutaro closes his eyes, and thinks of an explosion, of bright colours and a supernova exploding in the expanse of space, of the destruction that follows the grief that comes along with the loss of something as bright as a star.

He thinks of the king-prince-boy and how he had exploded into nothing but colours of red, black, and blue of the grand king who had burst out crying hues of green, grey, and teal, of a dark black empty gym with no bright light or palette in sight.

"They, uh, collapse i think...?" He says trailing off, trying to rack his left part of the brain of the lessons he hadn't slept in science class, "Yeah they do--And then they, they, uh... explode into supernovas? Yeah they explode into supernovas." He finishes unhappy but accepting all the same.

It's not like he was as blunt but smooth with his words just like his best-friend, not sweet like honey, or rough but straight to the point. He was still an awkward, tongue tied, and still fumbling idiot even after all this time. Even when he had hit a growth spurt or even after hitting a major milestone in his life, He was still the tall awkward boy people know who had just grown into an adults body to fit an adult's clothes.

You hum again, and he feels you inching closer, but not close enough to hold you the way he wants to--needs to--

(He pushes the greed--the fear of loosing you--letting go of you away. He can't, does not, will never be selfish, he can't allow it, not when he knows all too well what happens to you and the people around you, suffer through all too well.)

"Do you think we'll go out like that?", you ask him again, voice almost like a child afraid, "Like a supernova exploding in colours?"

He feels you shift again, and this time he thinks you're much closer to him than before and he thinks that you might be facing him this time too, he doesn't know it's too dark to see (but even so, even so, even so please come closer so I can hold you so--)

"Or do you think, we'll go out like a daisy crushed by the one who's supposed to take care of it?"

And something about that question, something about the way you say those words, makes his heart scream and mind twist in agony.

Because he thinks of the world, and how its marching to an unknown point and how much its scaring people. Thinks of you and your home that's only getting so much colder with each day passing. Thinks of himself and how he's just like a ghost wandering with a lover that's slowly collapsing--dying underneath the weight, of the pain of it all, that's too much for them to bear and not being able to do anything about it because-- "the only person who can save you is yourself, and you know that better than anyone else Yuutaro." His mother had once said.

And he knows, he knows, he knows, he goddamn knows, that things are getting worse for you--for him-and for everyone else, but he will fight God and his angels if it meant at least being able to carry some of the burden you had to carry all because the people who was suppose to do it but couldn't so you had to learn how to carry it all by yourself even after all this time.

Because Yuutaro with all his awkwardness and flaws had never been alone.

You however, have been painfully all by your lonesome.

And you meant to him that much to say the least.

"I don't know really." he murmurs truthfully, and squeezes your hand as an I'm sorry that i can't help you lift your pain that I was years too late to even try to do so and now you're hurting so much that you're almost at you're breaking point, and even if you don't know why or what, he still tries to.

Because he was just a ghost with no body or home wandering around this world, trying his darn best to find himself again for a lover that's slowly collapsing and loosing the brightness that they once were.

"Lots of people die in many ways you know?", He says not having one single clue about what's he saying but continues on because happiness is a fickle thing and is it selfish of him to hold your hand and keep you safe from the monsters that was supposed to love you for a bit much longer?

"We're not stars or flowers or anything,", He says with a finality he didn't know he had.

"We're people and we die when we die.", he goes on to say, and he thinks of an accident on the news, a tragedy in a script, and a genocide written on the history books, and thinks that for all the fire and hydrogen or whatever that makes up a star, planet, comet, or whatever. They were all still painfully human even on their last moments.

That they'd all bleed, cry, turn ugly, and at the end of it all die in more ways than one, because humanity is a fickle thing and they were no different.

That he was still human despite being a ghost of he once was, that you were still human even if you were a rotting corpse murdered by the monsters that were your own flesh and blood by the burdens and self-projections that they always had.

That the tyrant he had hated so much was just a boy underneath all the gore, grime, and blood, and that the grand king he had served underneath all the gold and silver and bronze was just human too.

They all were.

"But what if someone wants to go already and the people around them don't want them to...?" He hears you mutter softly, and he squeezes your hand again replying.

"Then don't.", He mutters tiredly just as much you are to the world, the monsters, and at yourself, "Live."

"Do you think we'll ever...", you trail off, and he knows from your tone that you must be struggling with what words to say so he squeezes your hand again because this is the only way you'll let him show his love for you other than his presence (because you're so, so, so scared and he is too, for you and for him as well.)

"Live again?"

Because he's a ghost of a star cluster once formed and you're a rotting corpse of a white dwarf floating in space with no way or direction to what home once was.

"I don't know really.." He says again, and crosses the gap between you deciding fuck it and presses his forehead against yours pushing on as he goes on, "But we'll cross the bridge when we get there all right?"

You don't pull away nor you push him away, instead you tense before relaxing again, and this time instead of him you're the one who squeezes his hand instead.

"Yeah we'll cross the bridge when we get there."

And in the dark--despite the dark, he thinks that maybe you're smiling in what it seems for a long while now, and he thinks that maybe, maybe he is too.

(And when morning comes maybe you both start trying to live again.)

[brood-mother]

furiosa spoilers and mediocre ranting under cut

insane amount of cgi and TERRIBLE quality cgi at that. there's a permanent and very obvious greenscreen halo around the cast about 75% of the time. i knew it wasn't going to be as practical stunts/effects heavy as the first one bc that production was A Lot, but like...why do we have cg dogs when they don't DO anything that normal dogs can't do, why do we have cg riders falling off their bikes at low speed onto sand in long shots when that's basic party stunts 101, why do we have cg furisoa on a cg bike cresting a hill when that's not even a stunt that's literally just a drone shot of someone riding in a straight line? if you're going to throw cgi at the audience hand over fist WHY are the action sequences significantly more pedestrian and boring than any in fury road? there's so much cgi that it makes the cast look like shit because hardly anyone is properly reacting to anything that's happening around them

i'd say it was full of plotholes if it ever had a plot with enough substance to poke holes it, but otherwise its just full of inconsistencies and stupid shit that yoinks you out of whatever verisimilitude you can scrape together. there's so much random shit flung at the wall that means nothing and goes nowhere. her hair? nobody else aging during the time jump? dementus's seizure? rictus's interest? the cape that defies time and space? the tattoo? the people eater and bullet farmer just hangin around at joe's place like a couple of blokes who do fuck all (tag them)?

WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT OF THE OTHER IMPERATOR? jack or whoever? there was like a weird implication of romantic feelings but they didn't know each other, were hanging out in silence for like a couple of hours, touched foreheads, then he died off screen? there was ZERO set up ZERO chemistry ZERO interest ZERO plot or character development, ZERO point to any of it other than a half hearted attempt at shoehorning in something vaguely heterosexual. either he should have been introduced way way way earlier in the film, or - in my obviously objectively and highly educated opinion - it should have been another (older) woman/outsider like furiosa who actually taught her the ropes and how to live in that world and gave a shit about her, sorta like furiosa to the wives in fury road. but instead it was Just Some Fucking Bloke who idk thought she was hot or whatever

it feels shamelessly miscast, like they really just googled whoever was the most popular young white actress atm and rolled with it. atj was Not It. she was literally out-acted by the child actress who plays baby furiosa. her interpretation of "traumatised reticent revenge-driven badass" was blank face/big watery eyes, same as every single other role she's ever played. and don't get me wrong, sometimes that works for a role, but it sure wasn't this one. there is absolutely nothing about her that reads 'dangerous' or 'tough', if you don't have the gravitas then you need the physicality and she lacked both. comparing her performance with charlize theron is like night and DAY bc charlize has the talent and experience to know a character that doesn't emote with their face is still a role that requires ACTING.

everything that made the first movie special (imo) is largely absent. i can picture in my minds eye entire scenes and sequences from fury road YEARS after i saw it bc the cinematography, the framing, the score, the colour, the purposefully staged almost shakespearean dialogue, the sound design, the action, the amazing side characters, EVERYTHING came together to make something that was really gorgeous. you could take a frame from nearly anywhere in the movie and it would look like an art print. that's almost completely absent from furiosa. i finished it like 5 hours ago and i don't remember ANY specific sequence, shot, frame, use of score, or singularly beautiful line.

this is an entire movie about furiosa and yet we get as much or perhaps even less character depth or growth than we do from fury road. she barely speaks, she doesn't do anything that isn't a cool action shot or silently glaring (outwith the 0.2 sec burst of anger at the end), there's no love, joy, pleasure, fear, interests, friends, hobbies, NOTHING to her character beyond "i'm kinda badass (in a purely physical sense)" and "i want to go home, i guess". is there an action movie equivalent of 'sexy lamp syndrome'? training dummy syndrome?

and finally the most egregious sin of all: refusing to show or acknowledge misogyny in ANY significant way at all despite the fact its literally the exact vehicle that's carrying the fury road arc of mad max. the able-bodied women we see in fury road and furiosa are, with the exception of the ppl in the green place and a female goon: forced breeders (wives), livestock (mother's milk), or slaves. it is a system that has misogyny built into the foundations of it by absolute necessity. it was implied to be exceptional that furiosa was a respected imperator in fr, she was clearly Something Special thus wasn't made into a slave or a milker when she was no longer 'suitable' for breeding. as a kid furiosa herself is placed with the other breeders with the intention of her becoming one someday; she is a healthy female, thus there's absolutely no other options to be considered even though she's clearly strong, capable, and reasonably smart. when she runs away (from the wife pit and later from the citadel) she pretends to be a man to protect herself with such dedication that she's essentially mute for FIFTEEN YEARS. but when she is forced to reveal her true identity on the road with her dumbfuck LAZY 'hair reveal' moment, no-one gives a shit. the war boys don't give a shit, jack doesn't give a shit, dementus and his gang don't give a shit, furiosa doesn't give a shit. she doesn't try to disguise herself again after that. she goes back to the citadel, to immy joe and rictus and the creeps she ran away from/disguised herself to avoid the attention of in the first place. they don't give a shit either. this random woman they don't know/recognise bursts into his war room after fucking up SO much guzz/bullets/vehicles/etc and starts spouting off and they...listen to her? let her do her thing? the extent to which they avoid the topic of her gender, of sexual violence and overt misogyny which is contextually unavoidable, is really conspicuous and makes the entire film feel insincere

like. for a purported girlboss pussyqueen movie that ALSO wants to pretend that no-one in the setting believes or enacts the misogyny the premise of the story is built on, there sure are inexplicably no other female characters. i think i can count maybe...6ish other women who speak in this film? there's furiosa's mum who dies in the first 10 mins, valkyrie gets two or three lines. then there's a domestic slave who gets two lines. the one (1) female goon who gets one line (maybe two, i went to the bathroom during one of the 'action' scenes she was in the background of so maybe she shouts smth idk). the two wives who get one and two lines respectively. the maggot farmer who gets two lines. im not even exaggerating, i might be off by like a line or two but that's seriously it.

literally what the fuck and who the fuck is this movie for. its not mad max enough to attract the OG fans, its not exciting or spectacular enough to get the marvel crowd, its not cinematic enough to get the letterbox gang, its not female-led enough to attract the kickass lady lovers, its not gritty or dark enough to convince grimdank or crust aficionados, and it's not got nearly enough of any of these in a reasonable mix to please people who loved fury road.

i mean ofc some people will like it or even love it more than fury road and that's fine but mannn, as a fan i felt like it was a big wet fart kinda letdown. like...4/10 standalone movie, 2/10 prequel.

ladies and gentlemen i regret to inform you that furiosa was fucking ass

[aks3raao1]

You know, there's a thing with characters that foil each other and serve as the "good" and "bad" respectively (Toga/Himiko, Tenko/Izuku, Nagito/Hajime, Ryoko/Hajime, Atsushi/Akutagawa) but that trope felt rather annoying to write, especially in the world I am trying to write about (ALTERNATIVE's world is basically MHA X BSD but like. 1000 times more fucked up and the Specialised are always prejudiced against. A terrible lot).

The title itself, ALTERNATIVE is to symbolise Romila's POV of "infinite choices and paths present for every being" and how she starts off the story with a decisive line of,

"Many people ask me if this could have been avoided. They beg for me to tell them that things could have been better. There are others too, who try to justify that this was the only way for things to have been. If you ask me, both are living in states of denial. One can't accept the stupidity of humanity for disregarding common sense for violence and prejudices. Another can't accept humanity's choice for having better circumstances if the one with the power chose to."

The thing is, the running theme is that the story is a bittersweet one, despite there not being many deaths of the main characters, but there was always a junction where you can see it could have been avoided, that there was an "alternative" for things to have gotten better, especially in the first book.

Another reason for the title is that it's basically an "ALTERNATIVE" to this world of ours, where super powers and stuff like those exist.

The subtitles of both the books (Myriad of Colours, Colour of Death) signifies Romila's power, "Aura Tracker" which lets her view people's aura as colours (Myriad of Colours is to signify the different kinds of people she meets, Colour of Death is about what affects her the most (death) and how she's constantly seeing that colour everywhere, especially now that it's war).

The thing about ALTERNATIVES is that Romila could have chosen to be a doormat (like Koldin tends to be at the beginning (his rp self is like THAT due to circumstances different to ALTERNATIVE's actual storyline. Also because Hack's a nicer person to be around than Romila is) in order to nOt hAvE cOnFliCt™) to not get into conflict and put up a super nice persona for people but she didn't. She decided to focus on hanging onto her reasons for doing what she does and using it to create a caustic personality to shield herself because she knows that she will regret being a doormat (Her Despair takes the form of Koldin Hopkins).

Now Koldin could have certainly put his hatred for society at the forefront and taken a caustic personality but instead chooses to be nice. Because he doesn't want to become as hurtful as the rest, that's how he wants to disentangle himself from society. However he, like Romila (who just took standing up for herself to extremes), takes this to the extremes causing him to gain the personality of a nice boy™.

However this also goes into why they made the choices they did (which is what Romila realises during the Mansion of Death arc), because for Romila, she didn't really have the psychology for actually becoming a doormat (because a) Her mom wouldn't have it b) She hated to be called weak c) She didn't have anyone to fall back to after the inevitable consequences of being a doormat d) She felt that if she were to live with monsters, then it's easier to blend in by being one (this comes useful to her when she infiltrates into the Government) e) She saw doormats getting suicidal which frightened her) or not becoming fully caustic (since her standing up for herself wasn't. Liked. By. Anyone. And seen as aggressive and she basically went, "Well if they see me as bad, I will show them BAD" which led to her breakdown causing the incidents at the Mansion Of Death (especially a twisted hatred against Koldin for extremely understandable reasons).

For Koldin, being meek and peaceful had let him get by in the streets and his skills to difuse fights had come in handy. Later when Dr. Hopkins took him in, he was well. A member of the Radicals who were known to be extremely merciless towards the Specialised (he had defected but Koldin had a REALLY good reason to be wary) so he figured if he stayed nice, he wouldn't be kicked out of the house and Dr. Hopkins being Dr. Hopkins just assumed that it was his normal and that behaviour carried into school. He figured that it was a horrifying thing to be aggressive and then saw how Romila got treated and decided that yep, he was right, that confirmed his world view alright and it was more reason to be super nice. While Romila saw Koldin as a person who everyone took advantage of (a thing she hated. To be exploited just like that) and went, yep that confirmed hers and it was more reason to be super angry.

However the thing is that, Romila was chided for being anything, which caused her to just give up to be peaceful (because what would she do? Anything she tried to do got her scolded) while Koldin (thankfully) found a support system. It really goes to show the difference a good friend can do.....

As it is, when I first began writing this, the most obvious choice presented itself to me. Koldin is the "hope" and Romila is the "despair" (on the protagonist, deutergonist side) but that seemed stupid and boring as it wouldn't make sense. Since I am trying to make a point of showing with how Romila's world view gradually changes from "there are wrong and right choices" to the fact that it doesn't have to be rigid and that *now* she wouldn't be hurt if she used what her vulnerable side wanted (a world free of prejudices and unnecessary cruelty) with the talents she had. That kindness mixed with her usual personality won't literally kill her.

And for Koldin, being a doormat means that he got taken advantage of a lot by different people and since he refused to actually stand up for himself ("Ah...aha......it seems that I can't..." "Can't what?" "Feel angry for myself......it's always anger that comes from the ones I love being hurt" "Then love yourself too, you will feel angry again" ~ Koldin's conversation with his inverted self in the Labyrinth) he got. Taken advantage of. By virtually everyone. However he decided that if being nice would keep him keep his self and his name self then it would be fine. He did not want to be the source of grief (his actual parents tossed him out because of his Specialisation). The Mansion Of Death actually causes him to snap for that reason, because Romila literally puts him in a torture dream "for the greater good" and then proceeds to kill his dear friend. One thing Koldin HATED. Killing friends. (Due to them being run over by a car, which led to his paralysed left arm)

Now on the other side, their respective friends:

Romila:

Luja: Cynical and annoyed by people's stupidity but not to caustic extents and she wants to be a scientist and isn't haunted by the possibility of dying.

Kratanos: Full of anger and hatred against the world but not entirely blinded by it and is focused to using that anger for reformation of the world (she becomes a therapist later, to help people)

They both have her caustic parts but they also let themselves embrace another side which makes them her "balance".

Koldin:

Anand: Believes that there's no requirement for violence unless it's absolutely necessary.

Karishma: Figures it's a better idea to just listen to rules but doesn't hesitate to break them if she sees that they are bs

They both have his peacefulness, but don't hesitate to do what they think they should do, which makes them his "balance".

The point is that, the case of choosing alternatives isn't possible with a tunnel vision. Even so, there are choices that literally can't be made due to the individual and circumstances. Sometimes the choice is to choose more than one choice. Well, that's one dramatic storyline......

It reminds me of DDLC side stories since everyone has a bit of the other person's solutions and more of a opposite personality (don't take this the wrong way, there are many stories like that and it's honestly a favourite to think abt but it's just that DDLC does it well especially since it's only a school environment). Tbh, I like dramatic storylines that rlly dig deep into a character's perspective (reasons why I'm in love with Hack and Axel in particular). My whole thing is that I'd rather read a story with interesting and in depth characters than one where only the plot is good so I say you made the great call of the century with Koldin and Romila's characters.

What you thought before getting into it is rlly how every great character arc starts. You focus on one, somewhat forget the other one until you review every single character for inspiration and then BAM! PARALLELS! It's really admirable how, even in this messed up world of specializations, you didn't purely focus on the plot bc it honestly sounds interesting enough to just stick around for Romila's life and journey. You could have ended it all with just that, but no, you smacked Koldin in there and said "be my interesting on par character that can kick Romila's gut" and IT WORKED SPECTACULARLY!!!

I really love ur writing and hoping to one day read (and maybe print out) every story you've ever written bc GODDAMNIT I NEED THE FEELING OF THOSE WORDS ON WORN PAPER WITH AN ARTISTIC COVER AND AN AMAZINGLY HEAVY WEIGHT

Aka, paperback. Bc that's how I like to roll and that's how good I think it is. 1000% worthy of a bestseller

[milf-harrington]

hullo it'sa me-

i am hopeful that today i have enough mental stability to write and therefore reply to you answer to my last ask! which i am happy about!

first I find so incredibly amazing that you're actively trying to learn more about maori culture and such, it must feel pretty good to discover small things and understand more and more your heritage. i am a bit of a language/cultures nerd and tbh i've always wanted to learn more about maori culture as a whole, but well I will never be able to learn about stuff like that as thoroughly as i would want, bc you know, linguistics don't really pay well and I need to support my family aNYways i'm realising that i'm making this about me and that's not what i wanted. i also hope this doesn't come off as weird or rude, if it does, feel free to call me out!

tbh same for the introvert thing but that's pretty obvious seeing as i'm asking stuff on ANON -_-

ohhh it's really super sweet how you talk about being an uncle and your sister! one can really see how much you love being one :)

And i guess there's just something so homely to an old library :)

(you're so artistically developed -can you say that? I can't write anymore yeeee- but really i am amazed)

now i'm kinda curious as to what the purple texta anecdote is 👀

I'm slowly realising that this won't be interesting if i just react to everything you mentioned.

i will just say : for the concert thingy, it really depends on what concert you're attending tbh, so like a chopin recital will obviously not have a bunch of lights -but i know you didn't mean that kind of concert- and sometimes the lights are too much, sometimes it's just right and just adds to the feel :)

i really felt that "didn't feel like a teen/person part" i guess i'm still kinda going through it?(like i don't feel like i exist rn it's weird) but froyo my beloved

i did really like how you answered that question, because well for one I wouldn't know how to answer that, and you made a really cool extended "about" out of it!

i know it might be really annoying to just get my "haha i do that " reactions, and tbh I would maybe be bored if someone replied to things i said about myself just with "yea this one time i-" kinda stuff, so again feel free to tell me to tone it down whenever :)

(also for the astrology thing i've always tried to get into it but everyone says different things about the signs and their meanings so i got overwhelmed and now i can't actually tell you why you would think libra is good 😀 )

(but AnYwAys i accept your proposition let's get married 😊 🌹)

also my heart jumped a bit at seeing the tags wow i've been "my-beloved" -ed

no but really i am sending a lot of love, i also saw that you didn't want to go back inside so i hope everything's as good as possible for you, it sucks, i am sending you lots of love💖💖💖

–💐

hi!

that's awesome! im glad you're doing okay today (:

languages and cultures are really interesting, and if i had a better attention span i'd probably be a lot more motivated to learn. even with maori things, i only spend a few days hardcore learning and then i start getting distracted and the next thing i know it's been several months since i even said a word of te reo. and don't feel bad! i think i say it a lot, but i really love hearing about other peoples lives and stuff so yeah don't feel bad about talking about your interests!!

the purple texta anecdote really isn't that interesting which is why i didn't really explain it in my response but it's basically: my mum put me down to sleep and then everyone was outside, but then when mum came in to check on me she discovered that i'd somehow gotten my hands on a purple texta and there was a baby-height line drawn all the way across the walls, the door, the toilet, and it was filled with scribbles bc i'd tried to colour it in lmao. my step dad had to replace the toilet and sand back the door (:

oooh yeah i get that! i suppose when i think concert, i think big ones like green day and my chem? but i'd probably really vibe with small gig-type concerts, like local shows or something (one of my favourite bands played at a bookstore once)

ah i get that! i hope you're able to feel better soon, feeling not-real fucking sucks :/

i have a forbidden romance w fro-yo 😔 i get major headaches from eating yogurt (except greek yogurt??) so my friends wont let me eat fro-yo anymore- but they will let me eat their toppings, which is awesome bc they always get good ones

no i do the same thing sometimes, so it's okay! it always feels more like a sharing of experiences than a "this is about me now" type of thing, at least to me anyway

(a few people in my life really like astrology, and my aunty, the same one from NZ, is an actual astrologist lmao so i've developed a bit of a deeper love for it bc it's like another little thing that connects me to her!)

(!! married at 18, amazing 🌹)

yeah things were okay last night, i'd just gone to sit outside so i could talk to my mate on the phone and then just,, didn't want to go inside bc there was a nice atmosphere. (i mean i was also avoiding the uncomfortable energy that had built up after my parents argued, but it was mostly for the atmosphere of outside)