#i didn’t wanna tag it as such bc i don’t consider myself an anti but someone said i should anyway

[local-space-case]

edit: tagged this post as anti zutara because even though i personally don’t consider it to be an anti zutara thing, a couple people disagree so thank you to the one person who was nice enough to just ask me to do it anyway

prefacing this by saying you can like whatever ship you want so don’t come for me (edit someone immediately came for me). but one of the reasons i don’t like zutara and don’t like that it’s being alluded to in the live action is because i feel like it waters down a lot of scenes they had together that were meant to establish each others individual characters, or rather some viewers water it down. like rather than healing zuko’s scar out of the kindness of her heart, it’s because she found him attractive. rather than returning her mother’s necklace to show zuko is more honorable than he thinks, it’s because he has a crush on her. katara doesn’t save and comfort/thank zuko in the final agni kai because zuko has effectively lost most of his remaining family in one day, its because they’re deeply in love.

i’m not saying these instances and romance are mutually exclusive, but i PERSONALLY feel the scenes are more powerful without it.

it just really feels like it undermines the power of platonic love (and f/m friendships in general) and their separate journeys as characters to find their peace in order for it to be bad boy/feisty girl romance.

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

Scrolling through the fe tag and getting Annoyed bc I just saw a post that was a very thinly-veiled dig at dimitri/blue lions fans for the cardinal sin of *gasp* enjoying characters for their characterization and not, like, purely for their ideologies lol. also had the classic “D is pro-monarchy and therefore conservative and bad 😥🤢🤮” and “E is anti-monarchy and therefore progressive and good 😄🔥👍” spiel that we’ve all seen a billion times, which is obvs an extremely reductive take that ignores context and other crucial aspects of E and D’s characters but whatever

I myself don’t really engage in fe3h discourse, and mostly operate under the notion that your favorite fictional characters aren’t necessarily indicative of your irl morals/politics (no matter what people say, this is, at the end of the day, a fucking video game with no actual stakes. you can like and support whoever you want idgaf). However i just wanna say that i find it genuinely astonishing that, instead of just embracing their fave’s flaws and telling everyone else to fuck off, a certain part of this fanbase has effectively gaslit themselves into believing that the openly imperialistic, warmongering, and borderline authoritarian character (tmw your cartoonishly evil henchman has a secret police force created for the sole purpose of killing people who rebel against your rule/regime 🥴) is like, an uber leftist revolutionary hero. probably so they can pat themselves on the back for being True Activists™️ bc god knows they don’t do shit irl lol

People need to get out more lol. It’s not like you have to love the characters for strictly what they believe in or I’d actually like Edelgard considering my frequent comparing of her and Ashnard and the fact that I actually like Ashnard.

Really, I don’t think Dimitri is pro any kind of governing system as long as the people are happy and living well. Like, if I recall, Gilbert’s solo ending only mentions that he trained the next prince and not that it was actually strictly Dimitri’s blood child. Like, given that there’s no mention of him being married or having a kid in a good chunk of his endings, you could actually argue that he just adopted a kid. Sure, it would mean his child was crowned for being his child, but it also doesn’t specify that the next king was also a Blaiddyd.

Obviously people are going to assume it was simply because “That’s How Faerghus Works”, but when there’s no mention of it, there’s no confirmation for us to go by. How do we know he didn’t just adopt some orphan that took to him considering he’s good with children? How do we know he didn’t decide to not have a Blaiddyd as king because of the emotional range they have on top of their physical strength? What if he decided it was a dangerous combination and he didn’t want his child to live with that, so decided to adopt?

The thing is, we don’t know much about Faerghus post game except that there’s another prince after Dimitri, and Edelgard would have a similar ending. It doesn’t have to be her child or even an adopted child, but eventually another emperor would have to take her place. Considering all Dimitri cares about is that his land has a guide for the people, he wouldn’t really care about who the leader was as long as his people were happy and healthy.

Which, like, if you look at irl situations, that’s not being conservative. Irl people who are in power don’t give a flying fuck about the people they have power over. You get decrepit straight rich white men who make decisions for the populace without consulting them, and they have a small group of such people who decide everyone’s fate based on what they want or think is right.

Considering how Dimitri is king because of his bloodline but actually only sees himself as a guide to help his people, seeing the people themselves as the real rulers of their own land, I’d say that’s... very unique and specific to him. In all FE games you get bloodline based leadership, but it doesn’t mean the leader is bad. Eliwood is next in line for leadership based strictly on a bloodline, but so what? He’s just a nice dude who hates war. Just because he was born into a ruling bloodline doesn’t mean he’s a bad ruler or shouldn’t be any sort of leader. Saying Dimitri is bad or conservative for living what he knows is the same saying that yeah, Eliwood is a trash conservative and horrible leader to his people simply because he’s leading based on inheritance and not uwu merit.

When you look at Dimitri and Rufus, both candidates in line for the throne (i.e. if Lambert died without any kids, the throne would automatically be given to Rufus because he’d be the only royal left), Dimitri is an amazing “ruler” (which I use in quotes because he really doesn’t rule so much as figure out what his people want and base his final decisions on that. He’s basically there to keep the peace and keep organization while letting the people have a say in how they live, which is extremely different than any other lord or royal we’ve ever had in the franchise).

Rufus on the other hand doesn’t even really rule, but instead lets the country fall apart through his lack of ruling. He may not be a crazy tyrant, but he certainly doesn’t care about the country or the state it’s in. They’re both in the same bloodline and both have immediate claim to the throne (i.e. if anything happened to Dimitri, Rufus is immediately next in line), but despite both being born into that possibility, they both have very different ways of handling it; that being, Rufus doesn’t handle it at all, so he doesn’t go by “I’m next in line after Dimitri if he has no children but I don’t care to rule even if it tears the country apart”. Does that make him better than Dimitri simply because he isn’t ruling when he could be when Dimitri hadn’t come of age? By these people’s arguments, yeah, he’s the better ruler because he’s not being “conservative”. Fact is, he’s not ruling at all, so they’re seeing a Blaiddyd who could rule deciding not to. So, by their standards... Rufus is good and progressive.

You could be “progressive” and not go by a monarchy and still be a horrible ruler. You could have people vote in a new leader who sounds great when they tell you their plans, then they get into their new position of power and it’s all downhill from there. I’m not just saying that because of my feelings for Edelgard and Dimitri either - I’m saying that because I’m living in a country where that shit actually happens. Potential leaders will make everything sound good, and then once they’re in power, people might turn around and realize well oh shit, that was a Bad Choice.

And, you guessed it, I’m going back to my old buddy Ashnard. He’s the “last in time Tee Em” as far as anyone knows in-universe. Once he’s dead, there’s nobody to take his place because he killed everyone else in the royal family indirectly through use of the Blood Pact. So, is he now progressive and good because he knows once he’s dead that the next Stronkers person will take over for him? Knows that he Has No Children Tee Em and so the monarchy is finished? By their argument, well, Ashnard is progressive and good, all the actions he took before and after be damned. You hear that, Ashnard? You’re a good man now!

Mind you, the only surviving Daein royal wouldn’t rule anyway, so I guess he’s good and progressive too because he just wouldn't wouldn’t want to or care about that. He’s not as easily pulled into something as Pelleas, where Pelleas was just told “you’re the prince” and he was like “oh okay guess I’ll just rule or something”.

If my favorite characters reflected my morals, that would be a WILD ride. If you tried to learn about me from knowing my favorite FE7 character is Ephidel, then tried to form a solid basis about me knowing my favorite from Houses is Dimitri, I’d like to see what nonsense they cook up with that. Ephidel doesn’t even have morals or ideals but he’s still my favorite.

What you’re describing is people who can’t see flaws in their favorite(s) and are totally blind to it, which is... well, not a good thing. One thing that says a lot about someone’s favorites is how they view them and if they bash other people for not liking their favorites, yet argue all negative things about another character (for me, as an example of someone I don’t like: Ionius. I don’t like him as a person, but I do see him as a good father to Edelgard in the sense that he loves her and cares about her. I think what he’s done is shitty and I would never like him as a person, but I wouldn’t say he’s devoid of any good qualities whatsoever, because hell, at least he loves his child and just wants the best for her. Just because I don’t like what he’s done doesn’t mean I shut myself off from seeing and accepting any good traits in his character). It’s also disturbing when people think it’s good and okay for innocent people to be sacrificed/killed for a rich person in power’s goals. That’s exactly what rich people in power want. They see the people below them as pawns and see us as faceless, nameless numbers that they rule over.

Also, I believe it says a lot about someone’s maturity when they can’t accept flaws in their fictional favorites to the point of having to target another group of people and put down their own favorites in any stretched, possibly way because they can’t handle their favorites having flaws and those flaws being discussed. To me it says a lot about a person based on how they act. I feel differently about a person when I see them behave with a completely closed mind, attacking other people who enjoy a form of media and its writing, while refusing to take criticism for the things they enjoy. Some of my favorites don’t always say or do the best shit, but for some reason Edelgard stans just... can’t accept nor fathom the idea that she’s anything but perfect and firmly believe she has no negative traits and is always completely right. There’s no “that’s bad”. It’s always “sure, that’s bad, BUT”.

a certain part of this fanbase has effectively gaslit themselves into believing that the openly imperialistic, warmongering, and borderline authoritarian character (tmw your cartoonishly evil henchman has a secret police force created for the sole purpose of killing people who rebel against your rule/regime 🥴) is like, an uber leftist revolutionary hero. probably so they can pat themselves on the back for being True Activists™️ bc god knows they don’t do shit irl lol

This is basically the best way of putting it, tbh. I also agree that yeah, these are the exact people who will harass and bully people online until they delete their accounts and leave because these stans can’t tolerate anyone except their hivemind existing on this planet (and yes, you might be aware this actually has recently happened in this fandom, very specifically and noticeably being Edelgard stans who incited it for LITERALLY no reason other than to do it, and to upset someone who liked Faerghus and not their uwu girlboss who was just posting their thoughts and headcanons about Faerghus and its characters. the stans in question ignored everything that was actually happening and dragged stupid ass politics into it over a totally fiction matter and think that’s called “fucking around and finding out”. Yes, that’s how obscenely stupid these “activists” are), and these are the exact people who do nothing irl to help the real world. These are the people who cry activism, but all they do is use bullying and forceful words and don’t do a damn thing irl. The saddest part is, the leaders of the world do more for the world than they do and most of what they do isn’t even good, yet it’s still better than what these children do.

Normally I wouldn’t say their favorites equal their ideals and shit, but they literally argue about politics and what they think is right in a political setting rather than argue reasons for actually enjoying their favorites. In other words, they’re not defending their reasons for liking a character. They’re defending their political views and trying to point at a video game and say “see? hot waifu chick who fawns over you wants these things too, so I’m obviously right!”

It was never about Edelgard as a character. That’s the whole problem. It was always about defending their extreme political views and violently, aggressively hating anyone who doesn’t agree with their political views.

They just happen to like that their views fall in line with a sexy, pretty looking uwu girlboss who paints “them” and gets flustered about it. They just figured they had a hot chick who had the same views as them and liked that.

[puppy-phum]

get to know me

am going to mix these two different tag games into one post so thank you a lot for tagging me @jazthespazz and @i-am-just-a-kiddo ♥

it’s somehow funny to do these same games again after a while so let’s see what I come up with:

Part I

name: real name petra but i prefer vish/vishie over here ^^ 

pronouns: she/her

star sign: aries ♈

height: 178cm (which am coming more and more proud of while i realize how damn tall every cdrama actor is lol)

time: 10:37pm as am answering this one

birthday: 10th april!

nationality: finnish 

fave bands/groups: ah well this is always a hard question but let’s go with these: BTS, DAY6, OneRepublic, Hurts, Oneus, Hoppipolla, TXT, Red, Mamamoo

fave solo artists: (forgive me if i’ve assumed any of these wrong) Novo Amor, Talos, Crywolf, Liu Yuning, SYML, EDEN, PVRIS, Joker Xue, NF, Halsey, Sleeping At Last, Nuz, HyunA, Sam Smith, Taemin

song stuck in your head: it’s OneRepublic’s Rescue Me bc of the song tag game i did earlier today :’D that one always gets stuck in my head whenever i as much as see the title lol 

last movie you watched: i think it’s The Yin-Yang Master (2021)? I haven’t watched any movies after that bc am so busy with all of my dramas haha

last show you binged: i think binged would be The Journey Across the Night! I watched that as a whole in 4 days

when you created your blog: in 2013 

the last thing you googled: ummm i think it was “what is a ball of wool called” bc of fic purposes haha as a non native speaker i always get a bit lost with words like this 

other blogs: none, i just dump everything here like the idiot i am 

why i chose my url: dates back to my intense summer of binge reading J.R. Ward’s Black Dagger Brotherhood series. Vishous was my favorite of the brothers haha. i first used this username in some random game on my nintendo ds lol 

how many people are you following: 358 which somehow feels like a lot but also like way too few?? i should probably search for some new blogs with other topics than cql, bts and/or dmbj bc i do love a lot of things at once 

how many followers do you have: over 800 

average hours of sleep: i’d say around 7h

lucky numbers: i remember answering 5 previously? i don’t really have a lucky number but 5 pops into my head

instruments: nope, no. not touching those tyvm. i admire everyone who can play any instrument tho

what i’m currently wearing: black jeans, socks with foxes on them (plus my woolly socks), a gray cardigan (my fave thing ever!) and an orange/brown top

dream job: writer would be ideal but that is very faaaaar into the dream zone 

dream trip: around different parts of asia to taste all the amazing food ;; maybe a road trip of sorts through europe? or inter railing? another trip to london bc i miss that ;; a trip to the very northern part of lapland to see all the auroras etc! i’ve never been that far north :’D 

fave food: if i need to quickly name something then sushi. otherwise am pretty fine with anything spicy 

top three fictional universes you’d like to live in: i remember thinking about this a lot the last time i answered this but hmm. currently i’d say dmbj still bc that world is fascinating AND i would love to talk to the characters. mass effect would be the second one currently bc i miss those games and the space stuff is super cool! and the third one would be assassin’s creed rogue bc that is my fave ac game and i like the northern sea and the places in it AND i could probably be one of abstergo’s employees instead and just test/play those simulation games haha 

Part II

Last Song: am currently listening to my playlist with just everything so i have Andrew Belle’s The Enemy playing right now (also I only just now realized that Andrew Belle also sings Pieces which is one of my fave songs? my bff linked that to me after it played in some tv series she was watching)

Last Movie Last Stream: i didn’t want to mention the same movie again or skip this question and i’ve wanted to talk about this anyway so! i watched Liu Chang’s bday live last night :’D it was so much fun even if i couldn’t understand anything. it was just nice to watch him being himself and have fun and chill with his fans. also the songs were amazing ;; i cried with Liu Sang’s character song as well as the ending. and all the while i couldn’t turn my gaze away from his eyes! he has such pretty eyes and they were absolutely Sparkling throughout the whole stream, it was so nice :’)

Currently Reading: Devotions by Mary Oliver (i adore her poems! they’re a very nice change after Siken haha) and then some uni stuff for a course about culture and mental health plus my thesis

Currently Watching: Douluo Continent, Word of Honor, The Long Ballad 

all of these are amazing and make me feel different things! i started Douluo Continent just a while ago and am now on ep 16 i think? it’s been very pretty and very chill and i watch it during the weekend while i wait for new episodes to the other two :’D it’s nice to see Xiao Zhan again and i’ve enjoyed the rpg game type of feeling in it? the group of seven is doing amazing and it’s interesting to watch them craft their team work! Word of Honor again has reached the ending and i just hold my breath with it. am not too far gone with it so i am not getting as heavy feelings about it as i probably could but i enjoy it  alot still and i do cry at times ^^ and then The Long Ballad has just blown me away! i didn’t expect to love it this much and be this invested in it but everything about it has been such a positive surprise and it keeps making me super emotional! i love the characters and the story and the romances even! it’s a great accomplishment for me. also yes i cry on the daily bc of hao du and bc of ashile sun’s hair haha

(i am also rewatching Ultimate Note kind of and been thinking about getting into rewatching Reboot bc it has been on my list ever since i finished it)

What is antipoetry to you: okay hmm i had to google this too and have to agree with Kiddo here. i don’t have strong feelings about poetry tbh, i wasn’t into poetry that much before maybe a bit over year ago? Siken has really blown me away haha. but i have always loved song lyrics which i never thought as poetry but then Kiddo said to me that they consider them poetry and yeah ok. i agree? so idk poetry can be whatever i suppose. i’ve never seen any rules in it anyway. i know there are many rules for different types of poetry but then again. i feel like poetry has always been just words put together to feel things and i guess that is the core purpose of every written type of art in the end right? 

Currently craving: a drama as good and as personal as The Journey Across the Night. that show really just stole my heart and i want that feeling back. i think about that show every day. i miss Li Jia and his two partners. i miss the vibes. i miss sitting on my floor watching it and just sobbing my heart out haha. also! craving a properly subbed, whole version of Anti-Fraud League. only the first 12 eps are badly subbed out there. wetv has... blocked? deleted? the whole show??? i need it to my life, i wanna see Xiao Yuliang being cute as Mi Ruo and i wanna know where the story goes smh 

thank you so much for these both! i had fun ^^ also am sorry this is so long but haha if you’re asking me to talk about myself and my interests then this is what you get :) 

tagging (to do which ever part you want or both!): @cross-d-a @jockvillagersonly @humanlighthouse @kholran @xcziel @minmoyu and @leonzhng ♥

[troglobite]

problem:

people treat me poorly or ignore me or don’t check in on me or don’t support me very much

then other people, who i wasn’t as close with, by happenstance, aren’t available to talk or hang out

and in response i fully withdraw from literally like all people and all things

thus isolating myself entirely

and i spiral and start doing VERY badly

then when i realize what i’m doing and how bad i’m doing, the slightest bit of affection or attention makes me feel INSTANTLY so much better

but the problem is that i then think the whole thing was just my fault and it was JUST me isolating for “no reason” that caused the problem

but in reality i circle back around to the start

where certain people don’t treat me or consider me the same way that i have them

and of course the isolating this time started as “well i don’t want to be the first one to suggest things anymore, if i ever was” and “i don’t want to put excess energy into relationships that i don’t get a whole lot from in return” 

esp bc of the pandemic &how stressful everything has been &how LITTLE they have cared

so i’m protecting myself

then i start doing it too much bc i get sucked into the cycle

and then i end up so lonely and yearning that anything seems good enough

except that it’s not

and i just need to verbally recognize this for myself

yes, i am isolating myself right now out of anxiety and fear and resentment

and it is absolutely making me feel worse

but i didn’t START this, this was a response to others’ behavior that was already isolating me

and again, the evergreen disclaimer for this stuff on tumblr: if you’re reading this, it isn’t directed at you

also i tweeted a thread that was too emotionally vulnerable for twitter, i’m deleting it off of there and copying and pasting it here instead bc the thread is evidence of the results of what i’m talking about here

motherFUCKER i read a fic that promised a happy ending and it wasn't a happy ENOUGH ending & now i've completely fucked up my emotions & i'm angry &i wanna cry &i HATE this i want him to get his memory BACK. FUCK THIS. THEY LEARNED THE LESSON GIVE HIM HIS MEMORIES BACK FUCK YOU

i should've just gone to sleep but i wanted to read this it sounded good&promised a happy ending! &now i'm just crying&i'm gonna have to take fucking anti-anxiety shit to be able to sleep i'm so fucking upset

&no i'm not being dramatic. fic is the only thing bringing me any joy&comfort rn &i ONLY read fun stuff or happy endings &i'm just fucking hurt. tag it HOPEFUL ending or COMPLICATED ending not a fucking HAPPY ending bc it's NOT.

like fuck this it's actually a minor trigger&it's only okay for me if it gets FIXED and it NEVER WAS. FOR A FUCKING YEAR BASICALLY. &MAYBE NEVER. FUCK THAT. NO. i'm really not doing well at all god i'm doing really really really fucking bad. not abt this fic just in general.

i can't take it i need things to be Right and Safe and Okay SOMEWHERE &if i can't have it in FICTION then why am i even here just let me ESCAPE to somewhere where ppl actually LOVE &where things WORK OUT if you're good &ppl who suffered get only good things from now on!

&where love can fix it all &everyone will be okay in the end fuck this shit tag&promo your stuff ACCURATELY. FUCK.

just. WHY. i don't WANT them to have to start over again missing all the important things. they worked SO HARD and had SO MUCH SHIT to deal with. &then THIS happens &i'm like ah yeah an interesting&popular plot to deepen self-love&romantic love!" &it just. no.

also to add to this

i think the other problem is that.

my mom Knows and Loves me. i have her. (i’m even withdrawing from her, though, i feel like she resents me or finds me annoying or that i’m too much and she really needs the break more than i do--i’m minimizing and putting thoughts/words in her mouth and i shouldn’t, but that’s how i currently feel)

and i will NEVER take her for granted, i love my mom. (anything “negative” i post abt arguments with her are minor, temporary things, and usually made worse by how badly one or both of us is feeling)

but i don’t feel as though anyone else Knows me

and i know we talk about the mortifying ordeal of being Known

but right now that’s what i fucking crave and i’m realizing maybe that’s just what i want all the time and that’s where everything comes from and why it all hurts so fucking badly

i feel like i know most people In My Life pretty well. not all of them. but the ones i’ve invested time and energy into. 

sometimes i can predict their thoughts/feelings/actions. i can anticipate stuff. i purposely trying and behave or talk in a certain way, not to manipulate them, but to make sure i’m as clear as possible To Them

i don’t always succeed, i am, after all, an autistic fuckshit failure of a person which again i’m just catastrophizing and being mean to myself but whatever

the point is. if i really committed and the other person let me. i could Know them.

but i don’t feel like anyone has ever bothered TRYING to CARING or even THINKING about Knowing me

most people don’t even lowercase know me

my older friends from hs know parts of me very well

there’s an understanding there of seeing each other grow for like a decade or more (since i’ve known some of them since before hs, etc.)

&when they send me a small thing as a token of like. knowing me. and having known me. it feels good. i feel seen.

but these current people claim to have put in all this work and time and energy and they keep being WRONG about me. like AGGRESSIVELY WRONG.

like they’ve completely missed the mark.

but i can correctly predict: when they’ll cancel plans. when they’re insecure about something. when something i say might upset them so i have to fix it, and even in fixing it it’s still not good enough. their patterns of behavior under certain circumstances. what kind of stuff they’ll like. 

there are parts of them that still confuse me, but it’s because those parts are inherently confusing and they make no effort to try and examine it for themselves, much less try and let OTHER people in on it.

they’re emotionally immature and they don’t spend time reflecting on shit the way that i do. and part of that is to my detriment sometimes. 

but i also just think it’s healthy and important to analyze yourself and reflect deeply and think about what you’re doing and why, bc shit isn’t always other people’s fault or just their problem

the problem for ME is that i’ve had the REVERSE problem in that i historically have inherently automatically assumed that everything was my fault, and learning that it’s NOT is part of my growth

like understanding where those boundaries are is really important

&when people CONFUSED or OBFUSCATE those boundaries for/around/against me, it gets. really fucking difficult.

what it comes down to is that i’m lonely and i really crave a deep, loving, intimate, Knowing relationship with someone

and i don’t think i’ll ever have that bc

i’m not worth it

and when it comes down to it

the fic i read really killed me inside bc i deeply identify with the character who lost his memory

i’m not NEARLY as good as him but i AM as conflicted, self-loathing, self-deprecating, willing to take the blame, and see only the bad or morally grey parts of myself as he is

and he gets a happy ending in canon

he gets a second chance and he learns to love and respect himself and his past and grow

and guess what? his husband is there, and it turns out his husband has loved every iteration of him in both lifetimes

but this fic

gave the character i identify with--extreme memory loss caused by a curse. he forgot ALL of the last twenty years. some of the trauma, his own death, his return, his growth, coming back to life, fixing nearly everything, realizing he loved the guy who’s loved him all this time, getting married, realizing he and his husband basically have a son they raised in tandem over two lifetimes, finding a home when he felt like he never had a home, all the people he thought hated him actually loved and respect him and want to protect him. he feels GOOD. he’s healthy and adjusted! he’s loved! and he loves with abandon! freely and openly! he’s changed but for the BETTER! 

it doesn’t mean he was ever a BAD person, but HE was happier! 

and then he loses his memory and in the fic it STAYS LOST

the fucking thing said it was a happy ending, BUT HE DOESN’T GET HIS MEMORY BACK

instead, he PERMANENTLY is stuck having to start over from the LOWEST POINT IN HIS LIFE (before the events immediately preceding his death)

he spends A YEAR away from his husband, uncomfortable and unconvinced that he’s wanted

and the POINT of the fic was basically to be like “see, you were lovable and worthy THE WHOLE TIME”

but WHY COULDN’T HE LEARN THAT AND THEN GET HIS MEMORY BACK?! at least SOME of it?! or START to?!

and his husband is in agonizing pain, waited almost 2 decades for him to come back from the dead, thinking he’d lost him without ever telling him how he felt, then he gets him back! two years, happy marriage! then BAM all of that ERASED. an entire year without him by his side. there was a scene on their anniversary that was unnecessarily disgustingly painful.

but i kept reading thinking “well it said happy ending!”

anyway the point is

it makes me SICK to think that he had to start over from his lowest point 

bc i NEVER want to go back there

i can’t STOMACH the thought of losing all of the growth and change that i’ve managed over the last however many years

and how PAINFUL that would be for me and my mom 

and in theory whoever else cared about me at all

and it just made me mad to think that they had to suffer MORE HORRIBLE TRAUMA just to LEARN A FUCKING LESSON

AS IF HE DIDN’T ALREADY KNOW THAT AND HADN’T ALREADY LEARNED THAT AT THAT POINT IN HIS LIFE

HE WAS FINE

HE KNEW IT

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS WITHOUT RESOLVING IT AND MAKING SURE THEY WERE BOTH AS HAPPY AS THEY DESERVED TO BE WITHOUT A FUCKING YEAR OF TRAUMA THAT’S FUCKING HORRIBLE

it’s not only through trauma that you learn things

trauma doesn’t inherently make you a better person

it was the HEALING that happened to the two of them that made them better people and brought them together and it was the cooperation and shared goals

and my point is that fucking fic was tagged wrong and now i’m just really fucking upset

thinking about how life fucking sucks and everything’s terrible and nobody Knows or loves me besides my mom and i just really really really really really want and need someone right now

and that tells me i shouldn’t be dating or trying to find anyone

but the problem is when i’m not like this, i don’t tend to really want Anyone at all

and it’s been over a decade since there was anyone i was genuinely interested in in my actual real life

and given how badly i want a relationship (and this is true even when i don’t feel like this, i think), it’s concerning that no one interests me

on the other hand idk if that’s a genuine sense or feeling, or if it comes from the fact that i haven’t met the right people/person OR

bc i just anticipate people not liking me or only liking PARTS of me and for their own purposes

and i realize this is the STUPIDEST fucking thing to be upset and caught up about at FOUR IN THE FUCKING MORNING when i have SHIT TO DO and my fucking SLEEP SCHEDULE has been fucking TERRIBLE

but that’s where i am

i feel deeply fucking broken and lousy and awful and like just a genuinely terrible person with no legitimate recourse to fix things or myself

so i’ll just have to put on my sarcasm and Jokester masks and be the person people expect me to be and be there for everyone else and shove everything down by drowning out the fact that i’m not worth anyone’s time or love or effort or anything and just be worth my own time and just deal with it

fuck i had stopped crying and now i’m crying again

thought the anti-anxiety stuff would prevent that from happening but i’ve been sitting here with the shakes and trembles this whole time so great here we are

[carbootsoul]

i was tagged by @katarahairloopies!!! thank u :mwah:

name: leo! @/zeitgeistofnow on ao3, @lazypigeon & @timetohope on here, altho i’m considering uh switching back to not having an art blog :/ i have to think abt it.

fandom(s): ace attorney is my main one rn bc i’m replaying the games with a friend of mine and it’s reminding me how invested i am in the characters!! a lot of my recent fic is atla stuff, altho i’ve been distancing myself from the fandom bc i’ve kinda exhausted my interest in it. finally i’ve been reading a lot of mp100 fic but i don’t think i’ll ever write for it. i just love how dumb all the characters r (with the dubious exception of ritsu)

where you post: ao3!! tbh i always get suprised when people say they write/read fic on any other platform like i haven’t messed around w wattpad or ff.net since middle school... catch up........

most popular oneshot: going just by “one chapter” as the definition of a oneshot, the firestarters, bc it’s fluffy and modern au :) i wouldn’t necessarily call it a oneshot tho bc to me a oneshot shows like, one scene? so like by my definition and your sweet sweet sun makes me crazy (i wanna lay you down and see how you amaze me is my most popular!! (also @ kit u thought UR fic titles were unnecessarily long??? i’ve hit the ao3 LIMIT for characters in titles. it’s about the aesthetic

most popular multichapter fic: sdkjflakjlkj it’s two crowned kings; and one that stood alone, which is a w359 fic i wrote back in late 2017. it’s literally the last fic i haven’t orphaned from when i actually wrote podcast fic (i have 4 other podcast fics but they were all borne out of nostalgia and written after i stopped participating in the fandom). i rewrote all but the last chapter? the last two? about a year ago and i fucked up halfway through so like chapter 6 and 7 are repeated and there’s something missing but i’m too lazy to fix it. no one’s going to read it now anyway :) it WAS the top minlace fic for a little while tho which i take great pride in.

favorite story you’ve written so far: oh that’s a hard question akfsldkfj i honestly like most of them!! and i write a LOT so there’s a lot to choose from. tonight, we are young is def one of my favorites- it was fun to write and i got to explore the ways zuko and yue r similar, which i LOVE to do outside of a zukka/yukka view. you can lean on my arm as you break my heart  is one that i’m really proud of? the whole “cooking as an expression of bato’s love” is definitely some of my favorites. a lot of my ace attorney fics would be categoried as my favorites if i hadn’t improved, too, if that makes sense. like they’re no long my favorites because i can see where my writing is shitty and it bothers me, but if i had written them a month ago they’d be my favorite.

fic you were nervous to post: figures 1-5: killing gods def!! it’s a lot more purple-prose-y than most of my fics and it was also written before i’d kinda like emersed myself in the atla fandom so i didn’t have as good a grasp on the general understanding of zuko’s character as i do now. tbh it’s one i’m rly happy w tho!! i have a few people leave really nice comments on it and rereading them makes me really happy. also it was the start of me hating the position of fire lord and being at least passively anti-it in my fics.

how you choose your titles: they’re almost all song lyrics!! only 14 of my 50 words AREN’T song lyrics and about half of those are from before i started writing ace attorney fic lol. sometimes i go into a fic with a song in mind for the vibes and then i usually go with lyrics from that (like in ‘cuz we’re the greatest /they’ll hang us in the louvre), but otherwise i usually pick an artist i’ve been listening to and go through their songs until i find a lyric that fits. sometimes the lyric doesn’t even really fit the fic and i just chose it at random or because i searching up the word “fly” in my spotify library or whatever. honestly i like coming up with titles? i know a lot of fic writers hate it but being able to just use song lyrics is v soothing for me and while i know that most people won’t search out a song just bc it’s a fic title like.. seeing that the title of a fic is a hozier lyric does affect how i read it and i kinda like that.

do you outline? i outline my long form/multichaptered fics with varying strictness. usually anything over ~8k will have some kind of outline. sometimes i go into it with every single scene planned out, sometimes it’s just notes on the side of the google doc that say “it's about MORE family. about how it's not betraying your existing family to find more” and “scenes i want to include: [...]” and “vampires... ngl kinda hot.” i’m trying to outline super strictly less bc i’ve found it’s less fun? but i do try to keep a plot arc in mind. since most of my fics are more character-driven than plot-driven, that usually just means keeping track of what character development i want to happen or what is motiviating the characters. 

complete: um everything posted on ao3 i guess. also the MULTITUDE of orphaned fics out there asksfjldkj i always click ‘leave my pseud on’ so if u look up my username you see all of my fics and then a. lot of other ones.

in progress: - a fic titled ‘dad phoenix’ that is actually just a no DL-6 au with defense attorney miles edgeworth and single dad bartender phoenix where neither of them want to date for A While but phoenix gets wrapped up in one of miles’s cases. it’s about family. it’s about writing teenagers. it’s about the background franmaya which is ALWAYS what i’m here for in wrightworth fics - a franmaya werewolf/vampire au because i’m ~gay~ and love rivals to lovers and also franziska and maya both being angry their older brothers r dating each other. - my secret santa fic!! which i can’t talk about much but it does feature toph and zuko and also piandao and jeong jeong???? idk where they came from but they are Part Of The Fic Now also i forgot iroh existed for half the fic and wrote piandao as zuko’s father figure and now i’m in too deep. - a 5+1 bakoda fic (maybe a bato/hakoda/kay fic??? i need to decide. that’s part of why this fic is still incomplete bc i can’t decide which relationship dynamic i prefer) that’s 5 times bato said he loves hakoda and one time hakoda said it back. possibly i have already written him saying i love u back and i need to change the title a little. - retail au klapollo where klavier works at an overpriced boutique and apollo comes in to buy earrings for nahyuta’s birthday. klavier gives him a punch card (one that the store doesn’t actually offer anymore as a bid to get apollo to come back) and all of apollo’s family come in to use the punch card and also give klavier variations on the shovel talk/find out if he’s actually into apollo. - a LOT of atla fics that i don’t think i’ll ever finish :(

coming soon/not yet started:  - i want to write some blackmadhi bc they’re.. cute..... and it’s a good excuse to also write athena and i love her - my stuff for yueki week!!! i have NOT prepped enough but hopefully i’ll remember in time! i wrote the prompts in a way that kinda set up stuff i’ve already wanted to write (don’t look at me lol) so hopefully i’ll get at least two or three fics finished in time. - i want to rewrite the wrightworth fic i have about them not getting married bc it was interesting and i like what i wrote about but i think i could have written it better and made it more interesting. rewriting fics is hard tho bc i’m never sure if it makes sense to just edit in the new work or to repost it? and then if u repost it do u delete the old one? conflicting so i might just not

do you accept prompts? totally!!! a disclaimer tho i’m not super into writing atla stuff anymore (most of the atla stuff i’m still writing is  something i made a commitment to finish) so if your prompt is an atla one i probably won’t do it :/ basically anything else is fair game tho!! podcasts/aa/sa/uh i don’t remember anything else but like if you search a fandom on my blog and come up with more than two posts about it chances r i’d be happy to write fic for it!

upcoming work that you’re most excited about: oh huh i mean probably the no dl-6 au!!! it’s the longest ace attorney fic i’ve written already and since it’s wrightworth it’ll get more attention than any franmaya fic i write. my standards r so high now tho after getting to much feedback from atla fans... love u all... obviously i have no choice but to pressure my atla mutuals into playing ace attorney. pls ask abt it bc i WIll Give You A Sales Pitch about why you’d like it in relation to atla

tagging: i’m not rly tagging anyone!!! @deadflora if you still consider urself a fic writer also consider urself tagged! also any of my other mutuals who write fic i just can’t think of anyone rn

[ingayderzim]

not to be that person who asks a googleable question but wtf is hazbin hotel bc i googled it and the only “critical” thing i could find was a typo-ridden article of someone saying it has good animation and its haters are stupid. i was able to glean what it is/what it’s about but idk about the discourse lmao

Im actually so glad u asked this. Here's the lowdown, this is my definitive answer to hazbin shit from here on out, unless new info comes about of course.

Hazbin hotel is an independent cartoon by vivziepop. Most people (that ive seen) have agreed that the pilot of the show really isnt that great but the reason it has so many fans is bc of the entertaining livestreams, massive amounts of canon content produced (she has had these characters for years), unique art style, and the characters. (Ass ugly but unique.)

Its haters are totally justified bc of some of the "controversial" (read: bad) things vivziepop has done. Here's the conclusion that my friends and classmates (several of whom are Black, one Hispanic woman, and one trans woman...nellie if ur reading this i 💜 u) and i came to after discussing this stuff. I am NOT saying "well my black/trans friend said it's ok so i dont have to think about it!" this is based on a few different conversations that my friends and i have had about this topic so what im saying is that my opinion was formed by talking about this situation with multiple people affected by the controversy.

One controversial thing is a drawing u can easily find on google (called beastiality.jpg i believe?) It's a cropped (chest and up, but hes obv naked) drawing of vivziepops character, drawn by vivziepop, moaning, with a snake around him. The character is 17. Many people have interpreted this as child porn. I dont think this image is pornographic, i think it's a stupid joke (it was even tagged as a joke iirc) and completely inappropriate but since it's 8 years old on top of not being porn, i think it's just an example of a dumb drawing. That being said, i would NEVER argue that someone who is uncomfortable w the drawing (im uncomfortable with it! It's gross just not porn) or considers it porn is wrong. They are entitled to that opinion and i would never expose them to vivziepops work or talk about her stuff around them if they expressed to me that they disliked the image.

Another thing is that she drew a doodle of two racist TERFs. This is the one where my friends of color, my friends who are black, and my friends who are trans women took the lead. I sat back for this part and here's their and my opinion on this after talking about it and verbally going through this whole situation.

She was following these women (who had done blackface and stuff) and drew art of them. The art was a "quick doodle" that she did apologize for and she said she didn't realize the extent of their beliefs. She knew they werent great but hadnt consumed much of their content in depth. I believe her bc while ive never followed anyone as bad, ive certainly followed some pieces of shit and didnt notice for months simply bc im not online all the time and bc of the volume of people i follow, combined with the non chronological algorithms lately.

At the risk of screwing myself, im going to admit that there was about a year or so of my life where i enjoyed The Amazing Atheist. I was even subbed to him. I was a nonbinary lesbian (2 things he cant stand lmaoo) in catholic school and therefore i strictly watched his videos about theological stuff since thats what was frustrating me at the time. I had no clue the type of evil racist, transphobic, homophobic (yes ik hes bi), misogynistic things he thought, said, and did, bc i didnt watch those videos. I literally only watched select theological ones that could be of use to me while edgily debating my teachers (sorry mrs macdougal but u had it coming). I was about 15 at the time and im 19 now. Im sorry to everyone i hurt by ever having supported him. I had one of his quotes written in the inside of my religion notebook in high school. I regretted it and ripped the page out the moment i discovered the truth about him. I cant stress enough how much I HATE HIM. Thats an example of what i think happened here tho.

One of my friends who is a trans woman said (paraphrasing) "i think the worst thing shes done is that terf art but i believe the apology especially bc it was a quick drawing."

That being said, i would NEVER argue with someone who wanted nothing to do w vivziepop bc of this. That's their right. 100%. I would never expose them to her work after that.

The last thing i remember is something about a pedophilic couple in a comic but i heard it was a 17 year old and a 19 year old. Im 19 and if one of my peers did that i wouldnt say pedophile but id say ur a fucking weirdo, BUT, the kids were fake and being written by an adult so i can totally see her thinking that age gap is much less of a big deal than it really is. Like she forgot what it's like at this age. Idk how true any of that part is tho, i heard that info entirely secondhand.

Another thing to do with racism is that there's a joke within the show where one character says to the other

"don't get your taco in a twist"

"Was that supposed to be racist or sexist?"

"Whichever one pisses you off more"

I thought that was gross but one of my friends pointed out that vivziepop is of el salvadorian descent so that's her business. Like if i made a lesbian joke of equal or greater offensiveness than that and someone tried to call me lesbophobic over it id be like "that's literally my territory."

Oh speaking of which that character's name is vaggie and shes a lesbian but it's not pronounced w the same G you'd hear in "vagina." Vivziepop seems to name characters weirdly (like how in helluva boss theres a guy named blitzo and the o is silent) so maybe it's a pussy joke but i have no idea.

The animation was.................better than i could do, i wanna say the faces and gestures were good but god i remember there was a part with a car and my gf had to pause so i could laugh my ass off at it. I wouldn't describe the animation as a highlight but i liked the style in motion i thought it was a fun change. Vivziepops style is not appealing imo but i appreciate it as an art student and as someone whose friends all like she ra and steven universe where every character looks the goddamn motherfucking same, and while its chaotic and i dont care for it, the style actually works way better in motion than you'd think.

A good rule that i def use is to assume hazbin fans are guilty until proven innocent. If someone says they dont care about the discourse surrounding it and like it no matter what, RUN! They would support the show even if the creator was in fact a pedophile, or had done the blackface/was a terf herself! They probably support some horrible ppl and are probably "anti antis." A lot of them are minors tho so i'd say block and move on.

So, do i like it or not? Im an art student and all my friends like it so while i didnt think it was funny, i do fuck with it. At the convention this weekend my friends and i had a convo that led to me drawing an ahego hoodie where the faces were angel dust (a character's) face. It was a joke that i could make a killing by selling that in a booth at a con.

Theres really nothing compelling about the show but my friends like it so i join in on their conversations, and i do have a soft spot for angel dust bc he's like a worse, less amazing and gorgeous version of one of my characters, Candy, the love of my life.

A lot of people say the show was edgy/offensive and maybe im just desensitized but besides the taco thing i didnt pick up on that whatsoever??? The Archer episode "Swiss Miss" is worse than helluva boss and hazbin combined and even archer isn't offensive.

Im probably not aware of all the "discourse" (aka people being reasonably uncomfortable by weird and bad shit this random woman has done, and other ppl saying their opinions are wrong when it's literally just an opinion about a show) so if anything she's done isnt included in here it's not to defend vivziepop, this is genuinely all i know. I wouldnt describe myself as a fan of hers.

[yuriyuu]

About me tag game

Tagging game - About me

Tagged by @grievingcain

The rules: You must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people

Tagging: @otabekismybff, @faeyuri, @unzan, my moms @godtier1 and @alliechick, whoever wants to do this really idk

long so putting under a read more

The last…

1. Drink: mango juice 2. Phone call: dad 3. Text message: my friend Tilda 4. Song you listened to: Syphilis - Fleshgod Apocalypse  5. Time you cried: uhhh I think when I was at my last con like a year ago. I was a bit drunk and my friend showed me dog videos and I started crying lmao. The last time I cried sober was years ago when my dog died back in like, 2014. I don’t cry very often tbh.  6. Dated someone twice: Nah lol. I’ve officially dated one person in my entire life. 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: lol yeah. 8. Been cheated on: you can’t be cheated on if you don’t date. (i’m keeping cain’s answer bc it’s perfect) 9. Lost someone special: my dog.  10. Been depressed: i’ve been depressed since I was in my mother’s womb lmfao. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: More than once D:

Favorite colors… 12. Teal 13. Black 14. Purple

In the last year, you have…

15. Made new friends: Yeah 16. Fallen out of love: If by fallen out of love, you mean realized the people I was emotionally dependent on for years were giant pieces of shit, then yeah. Kinda had to force myself to fall out of love with them for my own sanity, even tho I still look back on them very fondly despite the trauma they’ve caused....>.> 17. Laughed until you cried: Yeah. 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Lol yeah. I’ve had some pretty wild rumors made up about me.  19. Met someone who changed you: Yes, in both good and bad ways, mostly bad lol.  20. Found out who your friends are: Uhhhhh I guess??? 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: LOL I READ THE QUESTION WRONG. no I haven’t. I have not kissed anyone. The last person I kissed on my facebook list was back when I was 11 way before facebook was a thing hahaha. We still good friends to this day. 

In general…

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Pretty much all of them. I don’t add people I haven’t spoken to IRL with a few exceptions. 23. Do you have any pets: No. :( I used to but he passed away a few years ago. 24. Do you want to change your name: hah I already did.  25. What did you do for your last birthday: Nothing 26. What time did you wake up: lol i dont’t sleep.  27. What were you doing at midnight last night: I have literally no recollection.  28. Name something you can’t wait for: to be surrounded by big beautiful dogs. 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: like 10 mins ago. 31. What are you listening to right now: Nymphetamine Fix - Cradle of Filth 32. Have you ever talked to a person named tom: dude my dad’s name is tom. also I was friends with Tom on myspace...yeah...tom on myspace was my buddy.  33. Something that is getting on your nerves: the universe, myself, the fact I don’t have a dog, my OCD, my PTSD...just everything really.  34. Most visited website: Tumblr and twitter. 35. Hair colour: right now it’s blond but it’s naturally dark brown. 36. Long or short hair: I consider it short, but it’s fairly long for someone who’s male-identified. 37. Do you have a crush on someone: lol 38. What do you like about yourself: lol, but bigger. 39. Piercings: I have 3. I have 2 on the left side of my lip and my septum pierced. 40. Blood type: idk.  41. Nickname: Kiichan, Keagasaur 42. Relationship status: single forever. :’) 43. Zodiac: Scorpio 44. Pronouns: he/him or they/them. 45. Favourite tv show: Probably Jojo’s bizarre adventure. I love YoI but there’s a lot of things that disappoint me about it so Jojo is probably my fave show. 46. Tattoos: Yeah I’ve got my dog’s pawprint tattooed on me.  47. Right or left handed: right. 48. Surgery: I’ve had a few. 49. Piercing: Didn’t u ask this already. 50. Sport: look i’m a lazy piece of shit i don’t do sports lol.  51. Vacation: I hate traveling and being away from home. vacation is stressful. 52. Pair of trainers: what

More general…

53. Eating: I just ate tacos? 54. Drinking: Nothing 55. I’m about to: Work on fanfic probably... 56. Waiting for: the antis to finally notice me. 57. Want: the ability to get shit done. 58. Get married: Yeah I do. :( like really bad lol.  59. Career: can I get a career in petting dogs

Which is better?

60. Hugs or kisses: Neither i’m extremely touch repulsed. pls don’t touch me. 61. Lips or eyes: Eyes 62. Shorter or taller: taller!! I’M A SUCKER FOR TALL BOYS. <3  63. Older or younger: Older def lol. Everyone i’ve ever liked or kissed has been way older than me. My first ever crush had the same age gap as Yuuri and Yuri LOL. I was around Yuri’s age too haha. man I miss him, I wonder how he’s doin’... 64. Nice arms or nice stomach: pls i’m a leg guy. 65. Hook up or relationship: Relationship 66. Troublemaker or hesitant: idc.

Have you ever…

67. Kissed a stranger: no lol i hate being touched by people I actually like, never mind some rando. 68. Drank hard liquor: Yep.  69. Lost glasses/contact lenses: This is the story of my life. 70. Turned someone down: Many times. 71. Sex on the first date: i’m sex repulsed. 72. Broken someone’s heart: Yeaaaaaah.  73. Had your heart broken: Yeah, but only bc I become emotionally dependent on people who treat me like shit bc i’m stupid lol. 75. Cried when someone died: I cried when my dog died? 76. Fallen for a friend: yeah. never again.

Do you believe in…

77. Yourself: LOL. 78. Miracles: not really. 79. Love at first sight: I barely believe in love even tho i wanna get married one day. 80. Santa claus: ofc. 81. Kiss on the first date: uhhh I don’t kiss people but I guess? 82. Angels: no.

Other…

83. Current best friend’s name: Siobhan and Tilda. 84. Eye colour: brown 85. Favourite movie: shit what’s a movie.

[chickenstuffedwithmozzarella]

Holiii! They didnt want to watch Dunkirk? Too bad.   A sting one? I didnt hear about that. But its possible. 3000 euros? Byeee😂😂😂😂. I'm a broken student. Have some mercy on me pls. I agree 100% with what you said about parenting and conditioning kids. It's kind of sad, but also real. (1)

Hiiii!!!! Sorry I’m so late, but what a weekend! Did you know that today was Mother’s Day?L well, a lot of people seemed to have forgotten it 🙄🙄. I had so many things to do, lol. But, well, I, gonna try answer everything, bc tomorrow I won’t be able either, and I don’t want to have you waiting.Okay, in their defense I’ll say they have already seen it,jajjajaa. But, well, why don’t watch it again!?!?! I think it was a Sting one. If not him, someone like him, oops 🙊.I thing it’s cheaper now. That was like 8 years ago. Now, I guess there are more clinics that do it. Back then, there was only one. But look at the good side, if you sight isn’t stable yet, you can’t have it done. And we you finally can, you’ll have a job (hopefully) to pay for it, and it will be cheaper, jejeje.

Bringing balloons sounds like a great idea!! They had them at the last show i went and it was really cool (even though i never got to touch one of them. Jajajaj). If you do decide to bring them, i’m sure you all will have a wonderful time! Ooh, okay. Thanks for the info. I’ll take a pic when she finally puts the poster and i will send it to you🤗 (2)

Lol, imagine if I bring them, and I start glowing them, and I get dizzy, and miss part of the concert because I get sick, 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. That’d be awful!! jjajaja. But I’m slowly convincing myself to bring them, and then I’ll see if I can blow them and all that. (Ijejdiebdc I really rally want!!! But I don’t want people looking at me like I’m a crazy old lady 😅 (even if no one sees me)).I’d love to see that door, but only show me if you’re totally comfortable with it,love.

JAJAJAJA. Andy y Lucas? Really? (They came to my city’s festivity last year😂) Almost the same thing as Niall. Yep. I wasnt allowed to go to a show without my parents until i was 18 years old, and look at them now! And this is no even their first concert. Last year we went to see Ed Sheeran in Barcelona (another Bday present for my little sister). I dont know how they can be so convincing (lying. I do know. My sister is the little one and that counts…). But i’m happy for them. I really am. (4)

Hey, Andy y Lucas were a totally hit with they’re first album ,jajaja, have some respect 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. Me and my friends spent a summer walking around with our DiskMan (you know what it is, don’t ya) on hand, listening and singing their songs, lol. I got to see them twice now that I remember, lol. They came to where my sister was living, and we went to see them. Again me dragging my sister to see artist she doesn’t like,jajajja. Tbh, I haven’t being to a lot of concerts in my life :( I’ve to see: Andy y Lucasx2, Bisbal, Bustamante and Rosa (year 2002), David Civera!! 🤣 (2001), Pereza, and I think that’s that. Then I went to 1D in 2014, and Harry and Niall this year. What a lame teenage. I’d love to see Ed, how good it was?? Also, you’re little sister is a proper little sibling, eh!! Jajajaja.

Yes yes. Now they have to come back to make it up to me. (DO IIIIT PLS, IM DYING). Oooh. I saw the video of honey you uploaded 😍 Weird, but cute. Jajajajaja Yep. I’m pretty sure she follows you, because i’m always showing her blogs that i like; “this one is hilarous” or “look at the art”, and when i first found yours i was like “WHAAAAAAAT. A SPANISH LARRIE. CANT BE”. So i showed it to her. But i’m not worried bcs she is been so busy she doesnt even check tumblr anymore. Sadly. (5)

Weird is a thing to called it. Some people think is disgusting,jajajajja. I don’t careeeee, I love my weirdoooo!!! Jajajaja I go around showing his videos to whoever wants to listen,jajajjajaaj. Ohhh, I’m a Spanish larrie 😢. There are so few of us…there are probably a lot more of us, but since we all speak in English, you can’t never know. I’ve found other Spanish larries, but don’t think I follow anyone, lol. Have I told you about the most absurd thing that has ever happened to me???????? It was at Harry’s concert. The girl who I sold a ticket to, avert been talking for a bit, turns to me an ask me with the most serious face you can think “are you a larrie?” But in Spanish sounds different, as it’s something I don’t talk out loud ever,jajaja “(eres larrie?)”. And I turned to her like a little rabbit flashed in the middle of a road 😳. And I asked her “are you?” Jajajaja. And we both were, obviously. (I laughed at the absurdity of the conversation,jajajaja). And we talked a bit about Larry things, but with hushed voices, just to not alert any anti/her, whatever you want to call it,jajajaja. Well, if she doesn’t check, you don’t have to be worried. But are you keeping her informed on everything that happens? (Harry’s suits, everything Niall, Limo’s new song, LOUIS!!)

JAJAJAJA. Fun fact, my name is indeed a flowery one. Idk how, but you got that right. We can keep that name if you want. I like it. It’s cute 😊 Ooh. Yes. You started babtsitting this week right? I forgot to ask how it went. Sorry :( Omg. Your cousins sounds amazing. Really smart. He could read at the age of 2? That’s… a lot. And photographic memory? That’s a blessing amd a curse. Is that because of the autism? (I’m sorry i dont know a lot about autism) (6)

SERIOUSLY???? I don’t know why (well, I know why. I’m half witch-half human, but can talk about that later,jajaja), but you reminds me of flowers (my brain is very weird, and doesn’t make sense a lot of the time). Okay, I’ll tag things I want you to see with flower anon. Probably I’ll include a 🌺 in the tags, but that’s just because I live for emojis,jajajajja.Hey, don’t worry for not asking, I forget a lot of things, and then I remember at the most random times 🙄🙄. Well, he’s like very special. When they thought he was autist(?), doctors considerate him a super intelligent one. But in one of his revisions, they told my cousin’s parents that he wasn’t autist, but he was a very slow normal kid. So 🤷🏻‍♀️. Anyway, I don’t think photography memory is because of that. His mom has it too and my cousin (my little cousin’s dad) is always telling who usefully it was for her when she was at uni,jajajaja. He’s only a bit jealous. But I don’t know about my cousin. Of course I see his different to the rest of kids his age, but at the same time he knows thinks kids at his age don’t even dream about knowing. And is not exactly that he knew how to read, but with his memory he could recognize a word after having watched Optica written once, and repeat it out loud. Like, his mom could write once Papá, and he could remember the world anytime you’d write it. And they taught him a lot of words. And we buy him a lot of toys related with words and all that, so he learn what sound goes with what letter. So he just started reading one day. It’s amazing.

🤦🤦Depriving someone of strawberry cake only because it is pink should be considered a crime. Yeah, i think my friend wrote it. And i told her in my answers that i thought the survey was not well done, but she hasnt reach me, and i dont think she will. I’m not sure she will even use my answers bcs i went a bit overboard with them. I guess she was looking for “yes/no because of that” answers but instead i wrote her a dissertation about sexuality, genders and social construction. Ups. (7)

Pink candies even!!! Isn’t that a big case of bad parenting?!?! 🙄🙄🙄🙄 I’ll show you what I did yesterday (I hope I don’t forget,lol), and you’ll understand why I’m the rainbow queen,jajajaja.Well, if you’re close enough to each other, I think you could talk to her in person? Explain her why it was wrong? She can ignore you if you’re face to face. Maybe she’ll learn something?  Maybe she didn’t saw anything wrong with the way it was written, but if you explains it to her, she’ll understand. 🤷🏻‍♀️Also, well done 👏🏻👏🏻 on being faithful to you and your thoughts! I’m proud of you!!

Same happens to me. I spend far too much alone, and when i can, i talk as much as possible. I totally understand. Niall had kittens? She was the one that eat them? Or it was another of the cats? Oh oh!! I just remembered you said in the tags the other day that we should talk about fics and recs, but i forgot to answer then. Did you wanna talk about something in particular?? (8)

Yeah, Niall has kittens. And this time she didn’t get to eat them. She hid them anger something and two of them died. And the other one died yesterday, I think, because she didn’t feed it. I don’t know what is wrong with that cat. We even thought that something was wrong with the kittens (because their parents were siblings (niall and Louis 😅), but this time soured they were sons of another dad, so 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️. It must be her.Ooooohhhhh, fics. I love reading fics, jajaja, but I can think about anything in particular now 😭😭😭😭😭 (Bc I’m tired, and sleeping, and dreading tomorrow’s morning 😫😫). But, yes, of course, someday will talk about fics. When you’re freer. Also, when were your exams starting this week or last week???? 😱😱😱 I can’t remember!! This weekend was soooo long, it felt like a month!! Jajaja. But very very very good luck on your exams!!! You keep me informed, please?

Hazte oír? Please, dont remember me that. I was so angry. I still am. And part of my family (my conservative cousins) agree with that statement and the organisation and uh 😷. I dont understand how they can be so intolerant. I find it horrifying. Some months ago, my teacher brought someone to give a lecture, and i left halfway because i was getting too angry about what he was saying, and later i found he was from Hazte Oír and it all made sense. (9)

WHAT?? You have family who supports that?? Who are you related to them?? Okay, I started answering this before I finish reading, and now that I did you’ve let me speechless. They brought someone from that association to your uni??? 😳. I can’t believe it. But I applaud you for leaving. What a shame. Seriously, I don’t know what to tell. I find it horrifying that teachers/schools/universities do that. Because that is educate in hate. 😡😡😡😡 I’m getting angry just thinking it. I don’t know why, but I become irrational when I’m in front of that kind of thoughts. Like all I want to do is shut their f*cking mouths, and scream SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UPPPPPP!!!! IdufbvbfivubrfvI’m so sorry you have to deal with that!!

JAJAJJAJA. I wasnt serious. I just find hilarious when they call us a cult. Because we are not ?? Nop. I’m her favourite guinea pig, and she know that i dont do wax. I have only done that 2 times, and there’s not gonna be a third. I relate too much to your cousin, jajajaja. I just help her when she need someone to practice massages with, or anything not involving wax. I dont know about Oh Anna life, but a version without the screaming & the backround noises would be nice. (Reminder approved). 10

I call us a cult??? When??? Jajajjaja. I don’t remember, but if I said it, it was sarcasm, for sure, jajajaa.Jajaja “and there’s not gonna be a third” 🤣🤣🤣🤣. Oh, but aren’t you smart??? Jajajaja. You only want the good things!! No no, I you want a massage, you have to go to her wax exams, jajajaja. I don’t know why people don’t go willingly to be waxed by people who’s learning how to wax. What bad could happen?? Jajaja. My wax teacher told us that once, a previous year, one of the students let a drop of was fall on an another student eye. And to retire that wax, they had to cut her eyelashes!! THAT is horrific and traumatic!! She told us, so we didn’t ever forget that we don’t have move the wax around our clients faces/eyes. And it was the perfect story to never do it,jajaja.At this moment, I’m all in about buying a delux album with just oh Anna, Medicine, baby honey, and that melody he played yesterday(?) for 15€ plus (gastos de envío).

YOU SAW THE NEWS ABOUT LOUIS? HE IS PARTIALLY FREE. Yaaaay. And also, Liam appeared on TV? Where? What did they say? Pd. He said the word “sacapuntas” once again😂 and i love him. And, have you watched familiar mv? I havent yet, but my sister said it was cool. And last but no least, how are you? Did you had a good time? 11

Ay, don’t remember me. I still get emotional imagining good things happening to Louis. I hope/wish/pray that everything is happening in that regard is accord to him. And that this isn’t another fake good thing. I’m so tired of expecting good for him, and then he never gets it. And, realistically, I know at some point in the future, he will be “completely” free, but I can’t wait for that day. BE TOMORROW!! Well, we only can wait and see how thing go happening.Yes, I already told you about Liam. It was just exactly a minute, but it makes me so happy. And he’s everywhere!! Even in Spain! I can’t believe it. He’s doing so well. I think he said sacapuntas too,jajajaja. That’s all he knows!!🤣🤣😱😱😱 I haven’t yet!!! I totally forgot!!! I hope tomorrow I get to watch it. Sorry, limo.I’m good, thanks for asking, jajajaa, just a bit tired and sleepy. And tomorrow I have to go to some doctors p, I have to wake up at dawn (🤣🤣🤣🤣, it’s been so long since I woke up that early). But well, my sister just changed me this week’s day of work. Instead of Tuesday, I have to go on Wednesday, so u can nap Monday and Tuesday!jajaja (I haven’t go to sleep in Sunday, and I’m already thinking about my Tuesday’s nap 😅😅). And this Friday. IGET TO SEE NIALL!!!!! 😱😭😱😭😱😭 I can’t waiiiittttt!!!!!!!

This is what i we’re doing for some time yesterday, see the rainbow?? Jajajaa. I try to put rainbows every time I get a chance 🤣🤣🤣. I’m evil!!! (I know it’s not exactly a rainbow, but it was the most similar I could get 😅). And see this pink candies (marshmallows) at eh bottom? Well, some boys/kids can’t eat them, bc they’ll lose their masculinity 🙄🙄🙄🙄.

That’s all for tonight my lovely flower 🌺 anon. Have a nice day/week. Keep studying hard, so you can get your good results at the end of it all. 😚😚