#i did this to my writing and then my nd ocd brain was like

[hirazuki]

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[peppermint-flavored-chaos]

things i did as a neurodivergent person to get straight a’s for the third year in a row

hi hello hi how’s it going. welcome to the 3am-burst-of-motivation-tumblr-post-of-the-day, where i’m sharing all of my study tips that allowed my adhd/austism/ocd/bpd brain to somehow squeeze out straight a’s for the third year (sixth semester) in a row. 

1. study differently for different subjects. contrary to popular belief, flashcards and rewriting your notes does not work for every subject (unless it does for you, in which case ignore me and do what works for you). different subjects, at least for me, require different environments, techniques, and associations. 

2. association! sensory stuff works great for me because i tend to associate physical things with emotions and even personality types, so have something be constant every time you study. example: i have two tubes of chapstick, one peppermint and one pomegranate. i put on the peppermint one right before i go to bed and the pomegranate one after i eat breakfast - i associate the different scents with different activities (going to bed and starting my to-do list). 

3. to-do lists! mine are written on sticky notes and stuck to my mirror because i hate hate hate having the sticky glue stuff from sticky notes on my mirror and i’m not allowed to clean my mirror until all the sticky notes are off of it. when i can’t see my mirror, they’re on the outside of my backpack because they’re bright pink and the social anxiety makes me think people are staring at me if they are on my backpack. 

4. change your location often. specifically for my adhd peeps who have the attention span of an overexcited puppy, walk around. do things. go to a park or a coffee shop or a grocery store or a sidewalk or a bench somewhere or my personal favorite, the bank. when you’re understimulated go somewhere with lots of different noises and when you’re overstimulated so somewhere quiet or control noises (listen to music, noise-cancelling headphones, humming). 

5. keep a piece of paper next to you for the Random Thoughts That Come at Inconvenient Times and write down the stuff you want to look up/do/tell someone about and like... i don’t even know why that helps but it does. just having your thoughts out there i guess?

6. body doubling. find a person who will study with you. bonus points if it’s another neurodivergent person. they are depending on you to finish the studying and get the good grade. THEY ARE DEPENDING ON YOU. DON’T DISAPPOINT THEM. (side note anxiety people i would not recommend this for you)

7.  go to a place that will remind you to pee and eat and drink things. starbucks is great for this. so are most restaurants. 

8. get a new thing to study with every week. i like new things. if i have a new thing i am going to use it until it’s no longer exciting. i get a pencil, just a boring, manual pencil from the drugstore every monday afternoon for like sixty cents. it’s a fantastic method, at least for me. 

9. don’t drink something with caffeine in it while studying. you will either fall asleep or end up on a roof. it is not a good situation. caffeine for neurodivergents is like sleep pills, for me at least and most of the other ND’s i’ve met. if not for you, you’re lucky. 

10. spaced reps. in other words, find a big pair of dice and write vocab terms on each side, then hurl it at the ground and define each term. do this for like an hour. it’s fun and gets a lot of energy out. 

11. stim. vocal stims, physical stims, self-talk, fidget, yelp, squeal, tap your foot, walk around, shrug your shoulders, twitch your nose, jump up and down, ribbit like a frog. stim, stim, stim. it helps. 

anyways. it’s 3:17 am. happy studying!

[writesistersociety]

Writing Disability and Neurodivergency

Writing Disability and Neurodivergency- Some simples Dos and Don’ts from a Person who is Both

Diverse representation in media is extremely important, and it’s more than just skin color or sexual/gender identity. Disability and neurodivergency are often grossly misrepresented in media, if they get represented at all. As an allistic, able-bodied, cishet woman, I’m constantly striving to put more diverse representation in my stories, but sometimes it gets scary! I’m a bad researcher, what if what I look up is wrong? When I’m so nervous about it, how do I know the line between accuracy and othering? 

I want to be able to represent these often marginalized and overlooked groups in a respectful way that doesn’t put my perception of them over what they feel and really are, so I talked to my friend @Franzidoeseverything on Instagram, and this is the rundown that thon gave me: 

“Word of advice, hold the opinions of someone living with the condition they’re talking about higher than someone who has a similar issue, but not the same thing. For example, I can’t talk about what it’s like to be in a wheelchair, but someone in a wheelchair who doesn’t have EDS cannot talk about what it’s like to have EDS. Same goes for neurodiversity, I can educate about autism but not ADHD.

NEURODIVERGENT CHARACTERS (Specifically Autism)

Don’t make them super weird or strange in unnecessary ways, but don’t try to make them as “normal” as possible. Stimming, being overwhelmed, shut downs, meltdowns, and things to accommodate sensory needs are normal for us, and they should be portrayed as such. Portraying them as weird, strange, or unnatural is gross. But simultaneously don’t make us as “neurotypical” as possible, don’t hide the less flattering sides of it, don’t hide the joy either.

Always avoid person first language. Say “autistic people” not “people with autism.” Make sure you’re using the right vocabulary.

Autistics aren’t robots, geniuses, or “special needs.” We’re disabled because our brains function differently in some ways.

All of our needs are different. Some autistics are nonverbal, some are hyper verbal, etc. We are not cookie cutters, we are just as unique, diverse, and individual as NTs. 

ALWAYS avoid stereotypes like Sheldon cooper and such.

Try your best to portray positive aspects of neurodiversity as actually positive. For example: “They were so overcome with joy about the news they couldn’t hold in from flapping their hands and jumping, a pure, unfiltered expression of happiness” is a better way to portray stimming than “Overcome with the news they couldn’t hold it in, as hard as they tried, and ended up flapping and jumping, which earned them some stares from everyone in the room.”

DISABILITY 

Everyone experiences pain differently. A wonderful, accurate, description of pain that comes to mind is the the beginning chapters of Misery by Stephen King. We usually have many different types of pain, caused by different things, and can sometimes distinguish between them.

We have good days and bad days, the good days are minimal pain (not none). The bad days are baddd. Learn about spoon theory, we use it to describe ourselves very frequently. 

DONT EVER CURE IT. DONT CURE PHYSICAL DISABILITIES OR NEUROLOGICAL. DONT DO IT. It’s horribly offensive and should always be avoided. Obvious exceptions for curable illnesses.

A disability will impact every single aspect of life, keep that in mind. For example, I have a lot of tooth issues due to EDS. 

Make sure your disabled character (physical or neurological) isn’t being infantilized by you. By other characters in order to make a point is fine, but as an author don’t forget disabled people smoke, drink, date, have a sex life, swear, get angry, get sad, feel joy, and every other aspect of life

Disabled characters should be in everything, even just as a background character, as long as they don’t exist for white saviorism or to make the main character look better. If you’re writing a piece with an emphasis on a disabled character, you have an ABSOLUTE DUTY to represent that community well or you cannot write that character. If you’re writing an autistic character, you bet your butt you’re personally gonna spotlight autistics, listen to them, and speak out against Autism $peaks.We aren’t inspiring for living day to day lives, stop the inspiration porn.”

Some general stereotypes to avoid:

Crazy/psycho ND character

Genius autistic

Sad good-for-nothing disabled character

Only there for inspiration disabled character

Only there to make another character look good disabled character

Only representing autistic children (it’s lifelong)

Saying “multiple personalities” instead of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID, OSDD, etc).

OCD being only cleanliness character

Disabled character being cured or “finding God” and magically being fine (something about finding comfort in religion is obviously okay)

Some Instagram Accounts to Look At:

Thechronicon

Livingwaterless

Livingwithlilac

Living.With.Misophonia

Autiscope

Autism_unmasked

Actuallyautistictiktoks

Chronicallycatastrophic

How.u.feeling

Jessicaoutofthecloset

Sweetsensorystuff

εїз Happy Writing, Creative Minds  εїз

[simptasia]

neurodivergence in abc’s lost

i’m gonna be listing off and talking about the canon neurodivergent characters in lost. i won’t be adding characters that i personally headcanon as neurodivergent in some way, what i’m writing here is elaboration upon what has been given to me by the show. please note that none of these people’s conditions or disorders were named in the show, so such diagnoses being named here are me taking that extra step based upon their symptoms

first of all i wanna point out that based on what i’ve seen the show, that the island’s healing powers applies to conditions inflicted upon the mind, not ones inherent to the mind. thats why daniel’s brain damage heals, but people like hurley and locke will always continue to have depression

hugo “hurley” reyes

schizophrenia and depression

our most prominently featured mentally ill character. it might seem bold to label him with schizophrenia when it’s never said that that’s what he has. but during his time on lost, he displays many of the symptoms: paranoia, pathological self loathing, delusions and hallucinations. now, it’s a fictionalized depiction of schizophrenia and that’s probably not even what the writers had in mind but it’s none the less a really, really good and respectful portrayal of it

it would take too long to list off all the times when hurley displays paranoia (heck, it’s easy not to notice how much its a part of his character) and self loathing. delusions? the situations regarding the numbers and his bad luck (canon never ever Proves what hurley believes to be true regarding that stuff)

they did an episode dedicated to hurley having hallucinations. a man named dave who drives him to self destructive behaviour, self hatred and attempted suicide. fun fact: when people with schizophrenia in real life have hallucinations, they tend towards just auditory. hurley gets visual as well as per Rule Of Drama. this is not a bad thing, just a narrative tool

(steering slightly into headcanon for a bit here but i personally ignore the dharma made Hurley Bird they revealed in the epilogue and just take hurley hearing that bird say his name as an auditory hallucination. for two reasons: one, hurley hearing/seeing things that don’t exist is already consistent with his mental state. and two, that bird literally, genuinely did not fucking say hurley)

extra notes

to be clear, in case there's confusion, hurley really does have magical powers. he can talk to dead people. that isn’t a delusion or hallucination. you can understand how confusing and distressing this must be for hurley

he's had a compulsive eating disorder since he was ten due to the pain of his father abandoning him. his struggle with this is well documented

at several points during the show he’s shown to have trouble spelling. he especially confuses his “y(s)” and “ies”. it’s not clear if this is due to poor education or a learning issue. or both, really. it’s safe to assume with him being poor, mexican and mentally ill, that school wasn’t easy for hurley

hurley has unjustifiably lived at mental health institutions on at least two occasions (the first time was against his will, second was volunteer)

john locke

depression

locke suffers from severe self esteem issues, and i know most lost characters do, but i mean to the point of irrational and destructive behaviour. he has an obsession with being deemed special in order to justify his existence. he also suffers jarring mood swings. (he can switch from calm and jovial to angry and defensive at the drop of a hat). when he was wheelchair bound, this threw him into a depression. when he failed to convince anybody to come back to the island, he attempted suicide. he would have gone thru with it too. he will go to extremes to make sure things stay the way he wants them to (killing an innocent woman so they can stay on the island, tying up and drugging boone so he won’t tell anybody about the hatch), and will fall into despair if he fails

also note that the things im saying about locke are not a comment on people with depression. i don’t think all depressed people kill and drug people. those were statements on locke’s character that i believe are a part of his mental state. my point is: he’s emotionally unstable and he tried to kill himself. and i think his extreme need for validation (from people and the universe in general) is especially concerning

to me, this all says to me that locke has clinical depression

locke isn’t as easy as the other people on this list to classify as Canon Neurodivergent but at least to me, i think it’s very obvious. like i feel bad being so vague but like, basically, watch any locke episode

daniel faraday

acquired brain damage, severe memory degradation as well as other neurodivergent behaviours (i’ll go into it)

he’s played by jeremy davies. enough said

okay, jokes aside. at some point in the past daniel and his assistant theresa were involved in some vaguely referred to time based experiments. while she was catatonicized, the accident left daniel severely brain damaged (also daniel spent years doing radioactive experiments without head protection, which would not have helped and indeed that is foreshadowing of this whole debacle)

apparently this left him in a state where he can no longer take care of himself, having been assigned a carer. his most outstanding symptom is that his ability to process short AND long term memory has been impaired

short term: he’s shown to have issues retaining memories from day to day. he wasn’t sure if he had met charles widmore already (he hadn’t). charles lays some exposition on him and when daniel asks why he’s telling him this, charles says, with sureness, that “because by tomorrow you won’t remember this”. counting on that to be an absolute fact seems silly to me but that does seem to the case. again, Rule Of Drama is in play here

long term: he can no longer access memories he formed many years ago, famously the memories he formed with desmond in 1996. all in all, this condition is highly plot convenient. can’t argue with results, really

no, i can keep going, i got more, this is daniel fucking faraday we’re talking about: his ability to remember 3 playing cards has been impaired (note that this is a skill most 4 year olds master), he forgot the secret code the science team were all taught and when he introduces himself to jack there is a long pause, in hindsight implying that daniel forgot his own name

like real life memory conditions, theres varying level to how much he does and doesn’t remember. he’s thankfully not in a 50 first dates situation and doesn’t forget everything day to day. clearly he remembers people if they’re around enough, like during his time on the boat. charlotte, miles, frank, naomi...

upon landing on the island, his memory slowly gets better (considering his condition beforehand, the fact that nobody comments on this is staggering)

when dan is fully healed? i could not say, i could theorize, but such things are nebulous. but still, the times we see dan without his brain damage, he still behaves like a neurodivergent person. just not like he was when he was brain damaged. he stims near constantly, has a tendency to repeat names and words (echolalia) and it’s shown that dan compulsively counts in his head. he counted up to 864 beats, if i remember correctly, which is about 10 minutes of counting in his head. by no stretch of the imagination is that neurotypical behaviour

(im not trying to sound defensive. and i don’t think anybody, anywhere, is arguing that daniel faraday is a neurotypical. unfathomable)

going into headcanon territory again, his ND traits, when not brain damaged, say to me that he’s autistic and/or has OCD and possibly anxiety. thats all theorizing on my part tho. but the fact of the matter is, damage or no, he’s neurodivergent

notes

his apparent need for tactile sensory input is legendary in the lost fandom. in layman’s terms: him pet pet. not just people but objects too. humans, overall, tend to touch things to process input better. many ND people do it more, and it seems daniel is a case of that (i am not making a solid statement on jeremy davies’ neuro state. that’s his business)

he shows an inability to properly process grief

he also shows shocking indifference to his own safety, resulting in reckless behaviour. how much of this is a result of his mental state or his upbringing is up for debate. i think it’s a combo of both

without his brain damage, he appears to have an eidetic memory

danielle rousseau

trauma induced mental illness

pretty self explanatory. the loss of her expedition, husband and daughter, as well as 16 years of loneliness (on THIS island) has resulted in emotional instability for danielle. she’s prone to paranoia, trust issues, irrational behaviour

she’s just not well. she’s right most of the time but she’s not well

libby smith

indeterminate mental state 

libby was institutionalized (the same place hurley was sent to) and placed on medication (which seemed like sedatives to me, based on her expressions). in the show it’s not what clear what put her there, but having just done some research, i’ve discovered that Word Of God says that libby became mentally unstable after the death of her husband dave smith. so this is probably another case of trauma induced mental illness. she must have had a pretty extreme episode to cause her to be sent to a place like that. something to think about

but alas, it’s libby, so not much info. moving on

benjamin linus

anti social behaviour disorder (is my best guess)

oof. depictions of mental illness with characters who are immoral are depictions of mental illness nonetheless. i feel almost silly saying this but: ben is not... okay

ben displays issues (at best) with empathy, compassion and morality. how much he cares about other people is highly debatable but one thing that's certain is that he does genuinely love his daughter. everybody else is ????

but the loving alex thing rules out him being a sociopath or having narcissistic personality disorder. and it is genuine because when he loses it with grief, it’s not a performance, because the only audience is us...

he’s a compulsive liar, lying even when it doesn’t benefit him. lying just because. ben is highly unpredictable, which isn’t inherently a neurodivergent thing, but when a person goes from a calm discussion to strangling somebody, all roads point to Uh Oh (i don’t know the technical terms for Uh Oh). many of his outward emotions are performed (the difference between his fake smiles and few real smiles is noticeable). he’s manipulative, he treats people like objects for his benefit/plans, he’s self absorbed, he has zero issues with murder unless it’s a child. he does have some moral standards. but overall, uh, [just gestures at ben]

also ben is repeatedly offended when other people don’t trust him, which is HILARIOUS, but also shows a cognitive dissonance on his part

hmm i need more here, im gonna break out the big guns

that’s some basic info there and doesn’t that line up with ben?

the article goes on to say that people with this can put on superficial charm. that is, behave friendly and “normal” when they have to. which ben is shown to be able to do

and this

“Serious problems with interpersonal relationships are often seen in those with the disorder. Attachments and emotional bonds are weak, and interpersonal relationships often revolve around the manipulation, exploitation, and abuse of others.”

reminds me of his situation with juliet. and locke. and his “friendships” in general

i snipped the wikipedia article for this because unlike the rest i felt,,, underequipped to talk about this sort of thing

ben being mentally unwell is clear enough in canon and i think this disorder is what lines up best with it. please note that ben is capable of change and growth (like people in real life who have such issues) and like the show i’m not gonna paint him 100% evil or irredeemable. i’m just saying what’s true

notes

ben says at one point that he doesn’t dream anymore. it’s highly probably that this is a lie, but if it isn’t, well that's not good. it’d mean his brain isn’t entering into REM sleep properly, which can lead to emotional problems

ben doesn’t blink as much as most people do, something michael emerson did on purpose. this can apply to some neurodivergent people

it’s shown that he was quite nonverbal as a kid. in the flashbacks in “man behind the curtain” little ben barely speaks

honourable mentions

pretty much all the survivors suffer from PTSD due the trauma of the crash

a great deal of the characters suffer from PTSD from trauma in general due to their awful lifes. like, abusive parents, war, loss of loved ones, etc

and i must note that ben, daniel and locke suffering from parental abuse, ranging from emotional to physical, is something to factor into their cases

claire, similar to danielle, also suffered trauma induced mental illness due to the loss of her baby and feeling like she was abandoned

sayid is depicted as dead inside during season 6 due to The Sickness, so thats like a magical form of depression. and one could argue that he already had regular depression beforehand

boone joked about shannon having bulimia. (whether or not it’s true, boone is an asshole) if it’s true, shannon has an eating disorder, which is considered a form of mental illness. espech one so self image based

self harm

self harm is not an inherent part of mental illness but such concepts are often linked so i felt i should mention some of these, it’ll be quick

hurley’s aforementioned eating disorder

charlie takes heroin as a form of self harm (that isn’t a theory on my part, it’s clear as day that charlie started taking it because his sense of self worth was so low that the drugs felt like the only option)

locke, hurley, (both as mentioned above), jack, desmond, michael and richard have all attempted/nearly commited suicide

so what can we conclude from this? well that's up to you, really. that i love lost a fuck ton? that the actors and writing in lost is amazing? that all the neurodivergent based depth got saved for the boys? yeah

but i wanna conclude with this: a part of what makes lost really special to me is that these people i’ve talked out here? they’ve suffered, and oh boy it was tasty suffering, but all of them, yes even libby, were more than suffering

these people have nuance. one way or another, these people (to varying degrees) were happy at times. silly. funny. angry. opinionated. they loved. they were loved. they lived and breathed as human beings. that means a lot to me

lost is a story of broken people given a second chance. take that as you will

thank you for your time

[attentiondeficithyperactivedude]

A Neurodivergent Guide to Bullet Journals

Hey y’all, so I’m sure you’ve heard of the bullet journal. As pinterest shows, it’s become a neurotypical mess of a concept, all the stress and obligation of a planner with none of the convenience of pre-made planners.

This is, as I recently learned, not the original concept. As HowToADHD wonderfully describes, it was a system created by someone with ADHD as a simple, adaptable system to create order while having room for chaos.

So, from someone who tried it in 2014, failed, and tried again in the year 2017, here is the definitive neurodivergent guide to the bullet journal from an OCD, ADHD, PTSD, schizotypal fucker.

What’s the purpose?

Three years ago, I don’t know if I had an answer. To get organized?? No clue.

Now, it has one purpose. To get my wild brain fuckery down on paper. I think all day “I need to call the apartment I’m hungry is the dog fed I need cuddles is my queue big enough where is my monkey overalls why dont I wear my old fall out boy shirt more” and bam, forgot to call the landlord. If I write down “Call landlord” then I have the freedom to find my overalls and get some candy, while having a physical reminder and obligation to call my landlord.

Remember, it’s a tool

The problem I had, and a lot of other people did, is looking at the pretty inspo pics and trying to make it pretty, with all number of cool trackers and doodads. However this helps us ND ppl very little. We get so hyperfocused on the idea of it, and 2 weeks later it’s in a closet somewhere. 

It doesn’t have to look pretty. You don’t need training in calligraphy. It will be messy, there will be things scratched out. And that’s ok. This is a tool to help you find some sort of organization.

Start with the basics

I made the mistake of going for a complex key. This had tasks, subtasks, finished, partially finished, inspo, ideas, poems, lists, all while trying to be color coded and neat. This is not reasonable This time around, I stuck to the bare bones as the creator intended, found on the website.

This might sound silly, but dots work better than squares, which I used last time. They take less time to draw and can be modded recklessly. 

In addition, don’t feel the need to make lists, trackers, and other things right away. If you like to, go ahead! But really this is to track the shit you have to do, and the shit you did. 

You don’t gotta do it so much

Ideally, you do this once a day. But hey, that is a lot to commit to. Personally, I keep mine beside my bed, or in my work space. This way I have it in a place I’ll remember, and if I’m in bed, I’m likely to pick it up and write down the shit for tomorrow while I’m here. But if I’m having an episode, I shouldn’t feel bad for missing a day or two.

It’s whatever you need it to be

Honestly, this is the most important. This is a system skeleton, not a rigid system. You do what you can, you do what you need to, It’s no more and no less than what it needs to do. Don’t need to track adulting, but do need a mood tracker. Here you go! Need somewhere to put all our lists and reminders? Go ahead! Need a place to write down the Important (tm) delusions? It’s numbered!

Good luck! And if you need anything else, message me!

[barbecuedphoenix]

300(+) Followers: 10 (More) Facts About Me

*checks self* Oh, boy: it looks like someone tagged me in my sleep. Not again, @inky-imagines... Just kidding. It’s always good to hear from you, dear. ;)  

I have an OCD streak for whatever I work on though that’s probably not a huge surprise to people. My fingers always itch if there’s a missing reference, a catalog error, a budget pop, or a typo that shows up after something is published, and I won’t get into how many times I re-read and micro-edit drafts. When it comes to video games, I have to explore and read everything, finishing games at least twice as slow as my friends. …And I’m moved to clean and reorganize in my spare time. What...? It’s good for my blood pressure. -_-

My age is a mystery to most people: one colleague once told me that based on how I look and act, I could be anywhere from 30 to 18 (and I suspect she only cut off at 18 because that’s the legal age to start working at standard salary). She’s not the only one who gets confused: I’ve been greeted in some strange ways in just the past few years. A campus director once asked me ‘what would you like to be when you grow up?’ when I showed up to interview her in a plain T-shirt and jeans. And on two occasions, two gentlemen-- in their early 40s and 70s respectively-- tried asking me out when I showed up at a coffee shop, and then a bar, dressed in a suit. Being a generational chameleon can get awkward, yes. >_>

My sense of taste and smell is actually the poorest in my family… yet I probably cook the most out of all of them. And no, no one has ever died from sampling what I cook (thank you -_-): I stick to biologically-safe ingredients, and my palate can still tell the difference between a dish with 3 ingredients and a dish with 13. But subtler flavors are reduced to maybe half-strength for me. Having a less acute sense of smell and taste in the kitchen is like driving down a highway without glasses; I have to be careful in estimating how close I am to the destination, or disaster.  

Spanish Flamenco makes me happy. :) My phone is filled with dance videos for whenever I need a five-minute pick-up.

I’m terrified of heights only when I have to trust my two (left) feet. If I’m looking down a 700-meter drop from behind a railway, a window, or above a glass floor, I can really enjoy the view. But put me on a naked cliff of the same height, and you’ll see me hugging the rock like a gecko. I trust contraptions to hold my balance, not myself. >_>

I get mesmerized by snakes :D (and every other creature that moves like something from outer space); if there’s a snake on display (that’s not venomous), I have to touch it. Yet geckos and many lizards automatically make me cringe if they approach. It could be because of their feet and the way they crawl/climb; I’ll happily be throttled by a snake, but I can’t abide lizards crawling over me. >_< The human brain is a funny instrument. :(

Across the board, I’ve kept more longtime friendships with guys than with girls. Those standard shopping trips, beach parties, and girls’ nights-out? I never really had them. :( Instead, I had window-shopping trips that end at video-game stores, road-trips, and attempts at scaling sheer walls (indoors and outdoors). No one has ever called me a tomboy before, but my general routines with my friends fit the bill. (At least they ask me to go free-climbing instead of footballing.)

I’m bilingual, if only just: able to understand and chat in both English and Bahasa Indonesia. But years spent in private schools abroad that are taught exclusively in English-- and then getting packed off to the United States for college-- did a number on my Bahasa. So most people assume I’m (an undefinable Asian) born and raised in the United States… and are fairly skeptical when I tell them otherwise. And Indonesian parties always make me feel awkward, which is one reason why I like to stock up on anecdotes of cultural mix-ups beforehand and let them treat me like an English gateway. Writing-center shenanigans always helps.

People often complain that I speak really fast, really softly, and in a really low voice for someone so small. And use big words. And occasionally, someone throws in that I have a strange accent, when speaking in English or Indonesian. In general, I please few people when I open my mouth. :( Hence the jokes.  

My kink is to travel: I get giddy when it’s time to hustle luggage through the door, and I actually enjoy traveling on airplanes (even with the long layovers in airports: more chances to people-watch, in my opinion). When I can, I collect travelogues and fictional travelogues, plus histories of crazy colonialists clashing with native empires. And I can develop some weird or awkward crushes on people who’ve spent years living outside their places of birth, and have good stories to tell from the mole’s eye view. ‘Globetrotter’ is actually one item on my list of people to bed date. Yes, date. >_>  

*glances at tag-gun* Oh, it will be a shame to not use this. 

I hereby tag @areyntheheartseeker, @meekasha, and @what-the-eel. Tell me about you people. :) Though you’re also perfectly obliged to ignore me. :( 

[captainthief]

Michael Jones, Fidget Cubes, Serial Killers, and the movie ‘Split’

Let me start this out by saying that Michael Jones is one of my favorite people to ever exist. Ask any of my friends, and they’ll tell you how I’m constantly raving about how funny he is and how cool he is and what a good person he is. If I didn’t believe in that last bit so completely, I wouldn’t even be writing this post—I’ve seen personalities like him react badly, or completely ignore, issues like this, but I’m writing this because I firmly believe that if Michael does read it, he would accept what I have to say and take it to heart.

For those who don’t know who Michael Jones is--he’s a good guy, who happened to say something careless. Please read anyway.

So, today, the newest episode of my favorite podcast, OffTopic, was released on Youtube. The boys got on the topic of the Fidget Cube that’s been a huge trend lately. I was ecstatic to hear them talk about it and how much money it raised on kickstarter! But then Michael said that they’re something serial killers would definitely have, and my heart sank.

For background: I am Autistic. All of this information is what I have learned from participating in Autistic communities—I’m not a psychologist, though I do often discuss these things with several trained professionals. Anyway, among Autistic people and other similarly neurodiverse people (conditions like OCD, ADHD, and Dissociative Disorders, for example) ‘fidget toys’ have been a thing for a while—rings that have spinning parts, or necklaces that you can chew on, or puzzle toys like Rubix Cubes, ect. That’s because people of these neurotypes are often either ‘overstimulated’ or ‘understimulated’—either there’s too much going on for their brains to process, or there’s too little going on and the person has excess energy. At these times, neurodiverse people will do what is known as “stimming”—repetitive physical movements or actions. For the understimulated, this gives them a task to do, and for the overstimulated, it becomes a grounding action to focus on. Stimming takes many forms, often just seeming like the person is an especially energetic or fidgety person—things like tapping, or clicking your tongue, or shaking your leg. However, some people are compulsively drawn to less socially acceptable “stims”, like rocking back and forth or flapping your hands. That’s why fidget toys were developed—to help people like this stim without being socially inappropriate.

So when I heard the boys talk about the Fidget Cube, I got excited, because it’s rare that ND (neurodiverse) related things hit the mainstream, especially things that are actually good for ND people and not abusive (more on that in a bit). It didn’t matter to me that the boys seemed to think it was kind of silly—even the fact that they were talking about it meant that maybe some ND behaviors can start to be more normalized in public.

And then we get to the Serial Killers. Michael said something along the lines of “I’m not saying that everyone who has a Fidget Cube is a Serial Killer, but probably every Serial Killer has a Fidget Cube”. I can understand perfectly why he said something like this—for a brief second my mind turned towards agreement, before I realized the implications of Michael’s words. Here’s the thing: Michael phrased his words that way intending to be non-offensive to people who use the Fidget Cubes, and that’s why I think he may listen to me about this, but frankly, it wasn’t good enough and is still a harmful statement.

Here’s why: even with their recent popularity among the general population, fidget toys are for Neurodiverse people. They have proven significant psychological benefits for us. Whether neurotypical people find them fun or comforting, they were developed for the neurodiverse. When you think of a fidget toy being used, you’re probably imagining a person with noticable symptoms of neurodiversity (cue Trevor with the Adderall joke, both funny and accurate). So even if you say not all people with Fidget Cubes are Serial Killers, when you say All Serial Killers have Fidget Cubes, you’re probably associating Serial Killers with noticeable symptoms of neurodiversity. You’re saying all Serial Killers have symptoms, and so probably a large percentage of Serial Killers are neurodiverse.

Again, I can’t really blame Michael for having that unconscious association. Most people would. That’s because most people have a very disproportional idea of how Serial Killers and mental illness/disability relate. Most of it’s media related—just look at that new movie Split, which completely twists Dissociative Identity Disorder into something it’s not, to scare people. The fact is, ‘scary’ mental disorders—Autism, Schizophrenia, ect—do scare neurotypical people, and so they are associated with other scary things, like Serial Killers. That’s not to say no Serial Killers are mentally ill—many are—but it’s not nearly as high a percentage as common perception would have you believe.

To many people, this all probably seems like something small to make a fuss over. Why does one little joke matter? Well, here’s why: because neurodiversity is almost never acknowledged by the general population, except as something scary. Let’s use Split as an example again—most people would probably call it ‘multiple personalities’. Try to think of every instance where you’ve heard those words—I can guarantee that for most people, it will only have been in Jekyll/Hyde-esque scenarios, where the “other personality” is mean or evil or socially unacceptable. So what? Well, there’s probably more than one child from the age of 7-17, when most people develop more definitive personalities, that feels like they’re two or more people. There’s probably more than one child from the age of 7-17 who feels like they are more than one person living in one body. There’s probably more than one child from the age of 7-17 who feels like this and sees an ad for Split. There’s probably more than one child from the age of 7-17 who sees that ad, maybe several times, and thinks that’s scary and that’s evil. There’s probably more than one child who actively tells themselves “I don’t want to be that”, and try to convince themselves that they’re a ‘normal’ person, and ignore what’s going on in their own heads so that they aren’t rejected by others. There are millions of mentally ill people in the world—but because mental illness is scary, there are also millions of mentally ill people in the world that refuse to believe they are mentally ill, and so are unable to get the treatments that could vastly improve their quality of life. There’s also millions of non-mentally ill people in the world, who will avoid the mentally ill as though they’re contagious, or bully them for behaviors they can’t control, or even kill them.

And so I return to Michael. Michael, I’m not going to say “educate yourself on these issues”, because I don’t expect you to do that. I’m not going to say “You need to apologize”, because there’s no way you knew that you were feeding into this issue. If you end up reading this, then saying what you did may even have been a good thing, because this way, I can let you know something you wouldn’t have known. Michael, all I’m going to ask from you, and anyone else who reads this, is to remember 7 words: mentally ill people are not bad people. This little phrase works in reverse, too: bad people are not mentally ill people.

When you said that Serial Killers would have Fidget Cubes, you probably had an image in your head of a character from a movie or story off the news. That person probably had some trait that made you uncomfortable—obsessiveness, or hyperactivity, or lack of eye contact, ect. Michael, when you think “that person is so creepy”, I want you to think, “but there are good people with the same traits”. I want you to think, “Just because there’s ‘something wrong’ with them doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with them”. All I want, is for you to be aware that on some level, you do associate mental illness/disability with bad, scary things—if you are aware of your own bias, then you may be able to begin to take a step back from your own thoughts, and think, “There it is. That’s wrong.”

I just want people to realize that we all tend to see “mentally disabled” as “bad”, and that it’s unfair.