#i did say i'd hit back with a controversial opinion of my own if i got one of these so i Guess this counts?

[thehandsomecat]

controversial RaC opinion: rivchet is a really weird ship. Like... Would you really date your own genderbent clone?

i agree with you so much anon. r/vchet really isn't my cup of tea either, ngl

though i didn't really think about it in the sense that rivet is ratchet's literal genderbent clone... [rambling under the cut]

bear in mind that i haven't played rift apart myself (owning a ps5? in this economy?) and i have the memory of a goldfish, so i might be wrong about this or missing something important:

but i was under the impression that rivet is truly a different person from ratchet, and the main reason she's considered ratchet's (almost) 1:1 dimensional counterpart is the fact that they have so much in common (height, backstory similarities, personality, putting up with nefarious, etc) but beyond that, they seem like separate individuals. but if i missed something that proves that they are clones, that's definitely another thing to consider.

(not trying to be annoying about semantics, just musing about the clone idea - sorry for the tangent)

but anyway - me, being a loser who thinks way too much about the logic behind shipping - my main issue with r/vchet is that the idea of them being together feels like it's being forced onto the characters, even despite ratchet already having a canonical girlfriend, and rivet being a lesbian? i think? (albeit stated to be such outside of official canon as far as i know, thus making the topic of her sexuality - and rivet, the character, as a whole - the subject of many very annoying online debates)

but all of that gets disregarded in the context of shipping them together. because apparently, a woman (especially a ~lombax woman~) just Cannot Exist on screen in ratchet's vicinity without HAVING to be his love interest. because she's Not Allowed to be her own person, independent of the male lead with her own role in the story. she just has to exist solely to play a very specific romantic role towards ~The Main Man~ <3

and - in the specific case of this ship (and ratchet x angela, to a much lesser extent, though i feel like i've seen this too) - there's this weird idea of like, "well, they're the ~last lombaxes~, you know what that means <3" with the implication being that they're somehow "required" to get together for "the future of the species."

...even though the lombaxes aren't in actual danger of going extinct (in fact, they left their home dimension to AVOID that happening), they're just scattered across dimensions and, other than themselves, there aren't any left in either ratchet or rivet's dimension. and thus this gives the appearance that the lombaxes are going extinct, when they really aren't. with the newly repaired dimensionator they can literally Go Find Them Now if they want to.

and so not only does the idea not really make sense in an in-universe context, it feels like it reduces both characters to what they're capable of 'giving' to the universe at large without considering them as individuals with their own wants.

and i'm not trying to say that's the only reason anyone ships them. i'm sure there are other reasons that people have, though i wouldn't know because i just Cannot get into it. and i also don't care That much. but like, i feel like i've stumbled on wayyy too much content of the ship that centers entirely around their status as The Last Of Their Kind, with the running theme being that Repopulation Is Their Sacred Duty or some weird shit. and all in all, it just puts a bad taste in my mouth.

i will give the R/vchet Likers one thing - there's a reason people are shipping ratchet with rivet despite the fact that they knew each other for a very short time canonically, and it's because ratchet and rivet had more on-screen interaction and a vague yet slightly better sense of 'chemistry' with each other (which is really just two people being polite with someone they just met, as they have no reason not to be) than ratchet has with his own girlfriend.

which is a separate issue and ultimately the fault of the writing basically making talwyn a non-presence for several games in the series at this point, and i hate that for her, i really do. but that's a rant for another day. this post is long enough as is.

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Nicole's rant: The Venom Problem

Contains spoilers for Venom: The Last Dance.

‼️ This might be a controversial opinion but i’ll say it anyway.

let it be known i’d love to have just straight up 1.5 hours of raw footage of eddie and venom just hanging out doing stupid shit, just let tom hardy and his comedy shine. please. i wouldn’t be criminally offended if rhys ifans & the hippie family joined.

ps: i don't mean to hate anyone liking this movie. to each their own. if you liked it, then that's also fine. this is my opinion and you don't have to agree. i was raised on early marvel (the incredible hulk, blade, elektra, iron man...) so i'd say i can tell a decent superhero story from something utterly mid, if even that.

because… what in the fuck is venom: the last dance (2024)?

madame web (2024) war flashbacks hit hard with this one.

who wrote this? and who said it’s a good idea? WHY and HOW did tom hardy produce this?

COLUMBIA YOU HAD THE RIGHTS TO VENOM FOR 3 MOVIES.

i’m not sure if it’s copyright issues or something, but there’s surely SOME OTHER storyline that you could capture into the movie instead of whatever the last dance is.

not that carnage was any good, but a) woody harleson (we stan a king) and b) it’s not expected for every movie to be 10/10, mishaps happen. it was a fun little experiment and we get it. pop off, sister. atop, it was directed by andy serkis (we love a king).

BUT HOW DID YOU FABRICATE A SECOND CARNAGE?

because oh wait, you didn't. let there be carnage (2021) was so weird and bad it was actually endearing in a sense. it defo embraced the silly side and yannow what? looking back at it, i'll trade it for the last dance without a second thought.

first off: how does this have 81% on rotten? huh? pls give me the deets of your dealer because i need the shit you've taken before viewing it.

why open with a reminder that venom and peter parker ALMOST met in the MCU? why teasing with what could’ve been but WASN’T?

tom hardy doesn’t look like he wants to be there and covering it with having a “perpetual hangover” might be the best fucking bandage anyone came up with.

“i’ll consider going for playing venom again IF i get to fight spider-man” TOM MY BOY TELL THEM.

baron mordo was done dirty, yes, but THE UNSPEAKABLE HORRORS venom did to my boy Chiwetel? my boy looked like he’s forced to be there. 0 chemistry, 0 passion. someone give him a break.

whose idea was to cast Juno Temple? there’s not a single ounce of soul in those eyes. miss girl doesn’t change her facial expression once for the entire movie. at first, i thought they truly casted paralysed actress, which was one points i defended the movie with.

then i learned she’s not???

rhys ifans & alana ubach? 10/10.

every scene inside the laboratory was a mandatory chore.

didn't we forger something? like fucking anne for example???? and you give her what? a single name-drop. fuck off. (i'd yeet too after reading the script i think)

andy serkis dropped by for a guest appearance ig.

mrs. chen. how do i start?

i almost walked out of the theatre on that sequence. that’s my petty personal issue and i’ll admit as much, but WHERE did everyone put their brains? like that sequence doesn’t make any sense.

i mean ofc they can meet in las vegas. ofc, gamble. BUT THE REST?

does the main plot line even make sense? like are venom and eddie super special or can any of the symbionts make the key with their host??? (tbh that might be me zoning off and not the movie’s fault)

the movies’s 4/10 at best. eddie and venom scenes? 10/10. anything else? mandatory chore

at least agatha all along (2024) popped tf off.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

im so confused about that taekook pic. is jimin trolling? it's like he's toying with us? pls plss plss don't forget this ask bpp. pls answer my asks. i don't get why everything feels fake about jikook, tkk, jimin. is he even happy? it's like hybe is pulling the strings and trying to confuse jimin stans to frustrate us.

*

Ask 2:

At this point I just feel like we're getting played with lol. By who and for what? I don't know. But I've felt this way ever since we got photos/video that jimin did in fact get a cake for his solo and I'm sure big hit saw what the fandom was saying about him not getting one and they still waited to announce that he did.

BTS just isn't fun anymore for me rn. There's just this tension surrounding everything. And not just with shipping. It's fandom wide blatant favoritism. Shifting confusing narratives from the guys themselves (Jungkook claiming he's not trying to shy away from the maknae image when that's all he's been saying for months now???). Tae doing whatever it is that he's doing (bless his heart chile). Namjoon seems to be a mess rn, I wanna give him a hug, he speaks like life is kicking his ass. And our jiminie, I can't get a read on but he seems happy. And the other 3 being in the army so they're not causing trouble lol.

These taekook pics from jimin, hmmm idk, maybe it's his way of telling people he doesn't care about the backlash, and tae bringing jungkook up constantly, and we should back off.

It's all a mess. I never thought I'd long for the day we'd get a real break lol. I WANT to miss them.

I don't hate them. This is just exhausting. It's like them and the company are trying to be strategic with everything and it feels a bit disingenuous? Idk if that's the word. Maybe disconnected is more the word. And I know they've always been strategic in the things they do, so idk why this feels different to me.

Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble in your inbox lol

*

Ask 3:

Something feels wrong about suchwita. It feels forced. Am I the only one who feels Hybe is doing damage control with jikook to contain the fallout from Golden? BPP I'd like to hear what you think about vminkook's date, suchwita revealing the travel variety in context of all the controversies that happened lately. Does Jimin just not care about taekooker hate? He might be kind but he's still human.

*

Ask 4:

I give up on Jimin. Tired of stanning a grown man letting himself get played for a fool. Hybe, you won. Gloat away BPP. You and the rest of the OT7 cows win.

*

Ask 5:

BPP your asks about that RM - FACE credits controversy from Pjms reminded me of one debate I saw btw flat earthers and scientists. It's the most fascinating thing I've ever seen. The part that made me think of you is how flatearthers called the scientists uneducated, said they did their own calculations and made their own observations to arrive at fringe theories that disputed the wider consensus. I found it so strange how both scientists and flat earthers could observe the same thing but reach widely different conclusions. I know you've been going over and over with solos for some months so I hope this can make you laugh a bit BPP.

https://www. youtube.com/watch?v=Q7yvvq-9ytE

***

Hi Anon(s),

Lol, Anons in asks 1 through 4, why are you letting your minds torment you over things that should be obvious? Anon in ask 5, you sent me that ask last week, but it feels apt to post it now given the sort of asks I've gotten in the last few hours.

How many times can we go over the sort of conspiratorial thinking that plagues people who eventually become akgaes, thought patterns that have been shown several times this year to be completely misguided? If the only conclusion you can reach after everything we've seen in the last 10 months, after seeing Jikook, Taekook, Yoonmin, Vmin, and Yoonkook's conversations recently, is that 'someone' must be trying to pull a fast one on you, then maybe you should take a step back.

Honestly, in my opinion, you all fit the profile of people who should engage with k-pop very sparingly. Most times, I've observed these sort of views (also in the case of flat-earthers) are caused by gaps in foundational knowledge about the subject coupled with personal implicit biases. I see this happen all the time, and it's unfortunately the sorts of people who think like this who only get further sucked in, to the point they lose any semblance of a reference point. If you're still at the point you're asking these questions, especially Anon in ask 1, 2 and 3, there's still a chance. I'd suggest a clean break, a detox period, and very limited exposure going forward but starting from scratch and actually watching official content from the early years. A lot of people who joined the fandom post-2020 have only seen compilations and selected clips of BTS's formative years, and so they lack the background to better interpret everything that's happening in Chapter 2 - from why HYBE wouldn't respond to akgaes whining about cakes by posting it right away, to how vminkook have behaved throughout Chapter 2.

Listen to how you feel and please step back.

With flat earthers it's funny because in a bid to be skeptical, to 'question everything' so they aren't "played as a fool", they end up becoming just that. For most other people there's no joke, but for them the joke is always on them.

*

Thanks for the video, Anon in ask 5. But rather than make me laugh, it did the opposite. The conclusion of the video is that no flat-earther, not one, changed their minds after debating with the scientists. I had a theory that the people who end up as akgaes were always going to be that regardless of any arguments that run contrary to their beliefs, because at the heart of it, it's not about the arguments but about them. But I hoped I could be wrong. Extrapolating the conclusion of this video to my theory, the suggested implication is bleak as hell.

Anyway, stream Golden and enjoy jikook jikooking. Sounds like we're about to get a full calendar of content.

[thewertsearch]

Asks Comp - 16/4

I literally did not know The Baby Is You was a thing. To be welcomed back into the comic like this after four months is very on brand for Homestuck.

... and wow, its outro really does match the end of this song, doesn't it? That's even funnier than if he'd snuck some of Megalovania in there.

Ooh, that's another liveblog I'll want to check out when I'm done! I've never actually seen a Worm liveblog before. Adding it to the list myself!

Nothing's really changed since I've been gone! I make a conscious effort not to do much Homestuck analysis off-blog, since I want my journey to be fully documented here.

It's good to be back! I'm looking forward to a full reread when I'm done.

Would you believe I didn't even know there was a book?

I also didn't know the movie had two (allegedly) terrible sequels, which is very funny. Neverending story indeed.

Thank you! I can't take too much credit, though - most of my tagging system has been crowdsourced from askers!

At some point, before we reach the end of the comic, I'm going to have to formalize my approach to liveblogging Homestuck's side content.

What I'll probably do is give each of them the 'lite' treatment initially, but if they turn out to be more canonical than I thought, or particularly interesting to liveblog, I'll 'zoom in', and analyze them properly. We'll see how we go!

Could you imagine the relationship dynamics in your average troll soap opera? The shipping web for a single season would make our heads explode.

It's a fun question. What sort of object symbolizes everything?

The first thing I'd try would be a star chart, Dave's magnifier and a literal planetful of Grist.

Added to the list! Not until later later on, though - I'd worry that the opinions and theories of another liveblogger could interfere with my own, especially if they're talking about it with someone who's already read it!

I would find it hard to disagree.

Do people think Act 1 is pointless?

I mean, it is the slowest Act in terms of pacing, but slow pacing isn't always a bad thing. You sort of have to take it slow when your readers have this much to get to grips with.

...okay, maybe we didn't need quite as many Sylladex mishaps as we got. But we still needed some. Homestuck has a lot to introduce you to.

I always pictured an English accent for Hass - although, interestingly, I didn't picture one for Jade. As a headcanon, I like the NZ one better.

Where did Grandpa grow up again, actually? He was raised by Fake Mark Twain, who was from Missouri - but I don't have a clue what a Missouri accent sounds like, let alone one from a century ago. I have a funny feeling that it's not the accent I'm imagining coming from Jade.

Now that's a ship I'd never have seen coming. Props to Hussie for coming up with something more controversial than my Feferi<>Equius.

All four kids, with four endgame weapons, might be able to challenge Jack's current incarnation - but they're not going to get the chance. You've hit the nail on the head - he's semi-perfect Jack for a reason.

I have several theories for Jade's prototyping, and every single one of them would make Jack even more dangerous than before. It's just barely possible to challenge him now, but things will only get worse.

Read the room, Serket!

Would Vriska have tried to negotiate? She feels like the type of person who'd rather take a beating than admit they're outclassed. Plus, I'm not sure how much she'd have to offer Aradia, who seemed entirely motivated by revenge (and, possibly, secretly motivated by timeline stuff).

All that said, I would have loved to hear Vriska trying to worm her way out of this.

I love it! Please send in the completed house, if you get the chance. That's going to look so cool with a moving meteor.

And they're both easily distractible! This feels like two people who might actually get on surprisingly well, if they were in, say, the same high school class.

It's hard to say what's a rarepair, since I don't know what ships are rare in the fandom - although I'd have a few guesses about the most common ones.

If we're going for a ship with very tenuous connections, I will submit Rose x Feferi for your appraisal. They're both fans of the Noble Circle, and their signature colors are pretty close.

You know what, I'll just review all of your ships. Tavros/Gamzee - PB&J - is pretty cute. [] I'd recommend Miracle Child for a number of reasons, but it does include a well-written Gamtav. Jack/Droog is more <> to me than it is <3. Like One Sundered Star might be influencing that? I'm not really sure. Somewhere I think I saw a Jack<>Droog. Your pre-shipping chart post isn't in the chrono; also, I'm pretty sure the A6A6I5 ask is one of mine. Gamzee/Eridan is a rarepair; I've seen it, but not often, and it's a <> in the fic I'm referencing. Kanaya<>Terezi and Feferi<>Vriska are strange enough that I've never seen them anywhere, really. [] And finally, Vriska and Tavros. These two are the textbook example of why the ashen quadrant needs to exist, and they're a perfect pair for it. [] ~LOSS (8/1/23)

I don't even know if Carapacians have moirallegiance - but those two would definitely work if they did.

Out of all my ships you flagged as rare, I think my favorite is Feferi<>Vriska. I just think they'd gel weirdly well together!

[maythearo]

Yeah! The g3!! I know it has certainly been a uhhhh controversial topic lol

Imo draculaura looks sooo cute

Certainly lolll

You know how it goes I'm gonna ramble again so I'll put the read more thing for the sake of scrolling past it 😭

Well I'll start off by saying that, in this era of reboots and mass adaptations of every mildly old franchsie ever, is kinda impossible to avoid negative reactions from the people who were fans of the first generation of such franchises, because it happens, when someone takes something you grew up with and changes it to a modern audience most people's reaction will be "what in the world that's not how it was back in my days" + the phenomenon of older generations not liking the stuff that comes all for younger generations and etc. And I mention all of this bcs this definetely affects how people's opinions on things such as design (of MH in this case) go, there's lots of strong biases in this conversation of reboots and all

And tbh I wasn't immune to that 💀 at first I didn't like a lot of small decisions they made because I was used to the old one and "the og's always better" type of opinion, monster high was a big part of my childhood and probably a big boost to my interest in art! Which is what I live for baisically nowadays so ofc I felt strongly about it 😭 but when I came back after some time I realized, hey it's not that serious. I don't even remember specifically what those things I criticized were about, so that's an indicator of how much I actually cared, deep down lol. Like, pink Lagoona did not kill me, can you believe that? /s.

My opinion as of now, is that I think the g3 designs are really cute on their own!! I'm gonna stop myself from comparing it to the first gen because for the most part that's a waste of time and also a huge tangent from where I want to get 😭 recent reboots are a product of this era and they adapt accordingly. Sometimes they hit sometimes they miss, I think g3 mh is going well mostly!

(Talking about the concept designs and doll designs in this part) g3 takes from general modern fashion, clothing-wise the characters are not draaastically different from each other, they all just dress like how teenagers nowadays do but each got their own little motifs to their wardrobes. I don't think this "lack of difference" between each other's outfits is an enormous one nor is it inherently a bad thing because hey, if it looks good it looks good, and you can distinguish their clothings between one another just fine imo. In some cases I got some nickpicking in terms of "the pattern of this shirt is not working with these pants" or "whoa there's a lot going on with these colors" or "they really love to put bright pink lipstick on everyone huh" but it's rarely something I heavily dislike (only cases I can remember are that I wasn't a fan of was Heath 💀 feels like halfway through the process of his design mattel said "no you can stop now he's good like that" nothing is happening with that look, it's crazy, what happened to my boy. And Twyla, that wasn't as bad a s Heath's, but it just didn't work for me)

I can't say anything about the quality of the material of the dolls themselves bcs I don't have any of the new ones but oh my god, I also think Draculaura is adorable 😫 I think Venus dropped too recently and I'd buy her for sure!! The braided hair is everything and her fashion sense is probably one of my favorites so far? I also love Abbey's doll, and Frankie too especially that one line that they got a guitar? Instrument? Rockstar theme I think? (I'd cosplay that, no joke) from what I can see the designs are putting a lot more variety on drawing and sculpting different body types, features and details on the dolls and I think that's super fucking awesome! G1 also experimented with facial features and details on the body every once in a while but not as nicely done as now!

For the animated series I understand they had to tone it down to some extent because inserting all details the dolls and concept art had could lead to technical trouble (I think), so it isn't fair to compare them to one another. I'm just gonna ignore the animated series in terms of design for now, cause it's in the dolls and in illustration that a franchise like monster high work best anyway. I don't think much abt the cartoon tbh and I'm also not up to most episodes, idk who else dropped recently. But honorable mention, in the standards of the animated series my favorite designs are Deuce and Medusa for sure

That's long enough of a post so I'm gonna stop right hereeee, this was more of an overview of the g3 as a whole rather than ratings of each character, but yeah! I'm no longer a hater, I'm ok 👍 (if you're one of the people who heard me extensively complain over g3 before in another social, honestly I don't even know what it could have been about but you know what, disconsider it, it's easier that way 😭) I may have more opinions about it but that's all I could remember for now. Also my brain is fried.

And I can always change my mind on this, so there's that! Someone get me a Venus and Frankie doll rn please and thank you

[ninjastarsultimate]

Why is Shadow's character so badly handled in canon modern sonic?

... is what I would say if I didn't overthink his character. Shadow the Hedgehog is oftentimes seen as a controversial character and oftentimes his lack of a defined and concrete representation leaves different canons and ideologies of Shadow the hedgehog through fanon and canon media alike.

Now, did I gather a thesis and do I have an idea of what I am saying? No. Am I an experienced fan of the Sonic the hedgehog fandom of long-term? Also no. But I like to analyze things and look over them and even research them once I get invested. My special interests conclude of majorly taking part of video games for years now.

My past experience with Sonic the hedgehog in prior years is seeing the franchise and characters from an outsiders point of view. Not fully knowing the lore or significance of characters, having the fans ideas and content being my only sources.

And honestly, the fandom is a mess. As are many fandoms. But I'd say the Sonic fanbase is a bit special. In the early years where Shadow The Hedgehog was introduced, he was shown as a character with an appeal to early teens and Angst lovers at young ages and so the fanbase took his character for what was at face value. Dark colors? Emo. Dark. Full of hatred and lack of empathy. Hates sonic. And so on forth.

And this wasn't a joke, as far as I can see, people genuinely received his character like this. Few pointed out that in reality he was more in a grey morality scale. And then, people wanted to see more of him. He died in Sonic adventure 2 as a hero, completing his story arc.

Sega was observing the fanbase. Sega was seeing how people interpreted fans by popularity. I believe they took the fan iteration of Shadow and when they went forward in making Shadow the Hedgehog, they saw the darker and more selfish exaggerated traits in the fanon interpretation of Shadow, so they adapted it. Which of course, led to a very. Very badly written choice story.

Now, Shadow the hedgehog had POTENTIAL

a game bringing back a fan favorite? Amazing. Plot twist even. But erasing all the development and hitting the audience with the SAME idea of a flawed memory? It leads to a sour taste in your mouth of plotholes leaking everywhere.

I'll make a post later focusing more on the game Shadow The hedgehog once I force myself to look more into it to give a better in depth explanation. But for now, I will just take what I know. DO NOT. TAKE MY WORD FOR IT. THIS IS MY OPINION. IF IT WERE NOT CLEAR.

Sega since then after the horrible characterization of Shadow in his own game, doomed the character of Shadow in pursuit. People realized once their fanon idea became canon, it just wasn't fun anymore. It was obvious and the matured audience who grew into the original canon Shadow were given a sore reminder of what everyone thought Shadow was. Future writers of newer games would look to Shadow the Hedgehog in order to write future sonic games including Shadow.

As fans continued being unsatisfied and complaining about his character and being split between Shadow's character in Shadow the Hedgehog versus the Sonic adventure 2 game was a prominent division including other ideas of how Shadow should be, and in all of this, Shadow soon became less and less prominent as a main.

And then. The Sega mandates.

In all truthfulness, I will continue this section in a separate post where I look more into them, but to brief it shortly, as far as I am aware, they put a certain set of guidelines to limit characters and how future writers set the characters as.

In this, they further push into the cold and distant Shadow we know today. Alongside with the aggression.

So. All this said, is his character in capability to revert to a medium? Unfortunately, fans of the original shadow will not be getting any of his older character back as far as I can see, but... there is a way to mix some of it in, meanwhile still maintaining within what sega wants Shadow to be.

Shadow has been presented to keep a calm with him in the second adventure game. Which is a trait that is seemingly erased. Shadow should have his calm attitude again. But show to be very dangerous when provoked. His overdisplayed aggression contradicts his cool demeanor he was presented with. Yes, he can be angry. But there is a difference between struggling with displaying emotions and outwardly reacting impulsively.

Speaking of impulsiveness, Shadow isn't one to be known to be impulsive. He worked with Eggman, found out about Rouge being a spy, and even planned to doublecross them all just to keep a promise he didn't understand.

Remember, Shadow was doing this with little understanding of earth. His only knowledge of earth was G.U.N, who murdered Maria, and Eggman, who was selfish and blew up the moon. Needless to say, his actions were not motivated for geniune evil, but confusion and loyalty.

Another aspect, loyalty. Shadow was endlessly loyal and loved Maria, being as siblings and no doubt regarding to her as a sister. His only family.

Yes, he can be selfish, but he is his only family left. He had yet to learn about other friendships and he had seemingly swore not to get attached to others.

If not outwardly, but implied.

Shadow does have friends, but perhaps he denies them as his fears of losing them are what he sees as a personal weakness.

Modern Shadow could have a sadness with him, not an anger. But a listlessness. A troubled mixture of emotions suppressed and swirling inside. His bursts of anger could be moments where there is a peak inside the fact he still hasn't gotten over Maria.

She was such a strong role in his backstory that an erasure of that could be considered capital sin.

His selfishness could be only a light affect of him being told his entire life he was The ultimate lifeform. But for what purpose?

He could see it as a formality, and in so he follows by acting the role he is given. His ego complex being more by habit and not being self-centered. As he has shown many times to care about others subtly (or not so subtly).

Again, I want to point out progression in the sense of a reversion to be able to justify his out of place behavior, and slowly connect it back. And Merge it.

Modern Shadow is confused. And no one has talked to him as if yet to help him. And he is stuck. If he gets a game or role now, he is most likely going to be the standard angry Shadow with no further explanation.

But in the other hand, if he were just to come back to normal, there is no smooth line between with no satisfaction.

What I like about frontiers are the subtle references stitching games together. Establishing a concrete lore long time needed.

Im going to conclude this rant soon, by lastly going over Shadow and sonic's rivalry briefly, as I will make a post about that as well.

In my next post I will actually go over Sonic's character himself, and how I believe it contributes to how others around him are portrayed and shown as.

In short, I might add more when given the chance to, but thank you for reading this little drabble. And please do reblog with your ideas and comments.

[dwtisgay]

i'm interested in the dream hasan essay if you don't mind

This essay was written 6 months ago for reddit in the midst of Hasan's shirt controversy and dream's controversy about coming out AND also responding back to fans starting off, I am a fan of both content creators and have been so for a while, and I couldn't help noticing, especially recently, how much their "fanbases" mirror each other in cancellations, even though their content tends to be completely different than each other and they have different fanbases with varying ages. On one end you have wholesome minecraft content creator (cum jokes aside) and on the other you have politically charged commentator but they both get attacked with the same vigor over the silliest things on twitter and this post will delve into analyzing the whys and whos and hows using the two most recent controversies for both of them, dream's coming out (started off by a hasan post amusingly) and hasan's gucci shirt

1. before I delve into their recent controversies I think its important to highlight : Who are the haters and what made them?

tldr; normies and obsessive antis (fantis as I dubbed them for the purpose of this), and what made them is the fact dream and hasan have two or so controversies that manage to cover a WIDE range of political and moral viewpoints

starting off there are two types of people that I tend to predominantly see in controversies relating to these two: normies, and fans/fantis (antis who love to hate them)

the reason I made a whole ass stupid word to describe antis is because anti by itself feels inadequate to describe the level of attachment that a lot of these antis have to these content creators these are not not normal fans, and thus I conclude they are fans who love to hate them, someone who either used to be a fan or just just hates them obsessively; a fanti someone who follows along, knows all the ins and outs and inside jokes yet hates everything about it just because it doesn't agree with them and because of the social climate anything you hate needs to have a moral reason therefore they light a match, then normies tend to bandwagon way after a fan/ti has lit the match, but what compels a normie to bandwagon?

I feel like in the face of public consciousness having one moment (or in the case of these two, multiple moments that cover a variety of people and have a wide outreach) that has a normie immediately perceive you as bad in current day because your name is tied to that moment does play into the cancellation campaigns; for dream I'd say its either the speedrunning scandal or him being an edgy 14 year old, this is something I constantly see from people who aren't fans of dream and know nothing about him reference when they bandwagon. Hasan's moments vary depending on who you are talking to politically, its either the 9/11 incident or The House, the liberal hate train for hasan did exist before hand mostly in the form of his own fan/tis claiming he was grifting for making any money at all, but it didn't explode into mainstream till the house

and so, you can see it in play in the recent controversies, someone close to dream/hasan makes a joke thats sarcastic in nature, a fanti does a thread/comment/post about how that joke is actually problematic, a normie does a little word association and sees ah that name is negative in my head and the logic checks out therefore I must give my half baked opinion and hate on them (this is how velvet baits a lot of people for example haha)

when you are wildly hated by a large variety of people some of which used to be your fanbase because you manage to hit different hate spots for people, people start thinking you are being rightfully hated because if that many people who usually disagree with each other hate you, that means the hate must be correct. As such a rare breed of cc is born, one that people love to hate.

when people love to hate you, you become a default punching bag, every action you take is immediately a negative one and if they cant milk hating you from one angle they switch it up to the other angle, when people cant hate you for being a leftist they start claiming you are a grifter, when they cant hate you for being queer they start hating you for being "homophobic"

2. How they respond to the hate and how it responds back

tldr: oh my god they never stop responding please someone disconnect the wifi, their fanbases love doxing them for breathing wrong

in dream's case they sparked a whole ass new controversy, hasan's fantis are slacking honestly. Both CC's respond back and try to reason with their fantis, this then thereby creates even more wood for the fire, words start being nitpicked, clips taken out of context by fantis on a power trip wanting their 15 mins of fame going "see! see! we told you, we were correct! we are morally superior" and something that was a non issue gets extended far longer than it should. In fact the way the bases respond back is so eerily similar that these two got dox about them spread by normies just because people had an issue with them/disliked them over something that is a very big nonissue and most certainly did not deserve their address being known to the world

Hasan and Dream both want to be seen in a favorable light but they cant because in actuality they are fighting a much bigger hidden prejudice, and that is an inflexible opinion from normies who dont care and fantis who want to cannablize their fame or want their attention. in this clip hasan speaks about the shirt drama and says (https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=139&v=8XfWrnNFxFU&feature=youtu.be)

I'm the only deranged motherfucker who like responds to all the haters and shit. so I created this environment thinking that I could like reason with these people, thinking that I could reason with the wave of negativity associated with me because I am insecure, I do want people to especially, allies like people who are supposed to be on my side to understand my position, to be charitable when they're talking about me or take part in this community so it hurts, it destroys me. When it's right-wingers I don't give a fuck obviously I know where it comes from with right-wingers like "oh socialism is when no money socialism is a poverty cult socialism is a poverty cult" so when it's allies, when it's supposedly people who are leftist I'm like what the fuck dude, what are you doing .

however, there are differences too in how they respond, starkly speaking the apologies; the two controversies, the shirt and the coming out follow an exact path and diverge at the apologies, dream folds very easily under the weight of his fanbase mostly because I assume he still wants to retain them, he tries to appease and subdue, Hasan doesn't tend to bend if ever, he reasons endlessly then gives up and moves on, I cant tell you which ending is more successful or better both seem like they are mentally taxing in their own ways but it does seem like Hasan has a much more solid and loyal core fanbase, whereas dream's feels a bit more brittle mostly because its tied to a young fanbase and young kids tend to phase out of their interests with age

3. Their communities

tldr; dream seemingly has a stronger inner community but also they joke the same way

While hasan seems to have a more loyal viewerbase, Dream seems to have a more solid inner community ie munchymc crew dteam, and he isn't completely alone in the fame game in his corner, the only issue is that he is alone in size but he still has the moral support of friends who can help him and give their opinions which he can trust, Hasan to me doesn't seem to have that and in the previous video he admits that he struggles a lot with self doubt because of how people respond to him and that clouds his vision

that isn't to say their communities are different or that hasan is friendless (lol) because as I said before the reason these two controversies started is because fantis leveraged the style of joking that these two content creators have with their communities, velvet and ostonox (hasan's close friend and editor/mod) both made a joke at the expense of dream and Hasan respectively because that's what you do when your friends with someone and the jokes get twisted and twisted or taken seriously. 4. conclusion: hit each other up and form a self help group chat

[siswritesyanderes]

This is a series of asks bc, while I do LIKE all the charas of Fantastic Beasts individually, much of the romantic pairings dont sit well with me. By that mean the messy love polygon w Newt & I think I finally figured out why & I'd like another's opinion on it. For starters, Newt's attraction with Tina is too fast for me considering he was friends w Leta, got expelled out of Hogwarts for Leta, carried Leta's photo in his case, & basically loved her for YEARS. But this is all undone by a [1]

jaunt in NY having met a woman, who he admittedly went on a huge adventure w, over the course of maybe a few weeks. He's so taken w her she replaces Leta's photo w her own &, after refusing to go to Paris for Dumbledore, leaves immediately once he finds out she's there. I just find this unbelievable. I can rationalize it from Newt's perspective where Tina is a fresh breeze sweeping into his life on (percieved) unrequited pining, but this is my conjecture based on my understanding of Newt. [2]

The audience shouldnt be left to rationalize endgame couple of the mc on their own. & the whole thing w Leta is so messily handled I dont think they can save it even if they bring her back in FB3. How she feels for Newt vs Theseus & unresolved lingering affection, etc. She & Newt were SO important to each other & we SEE that & they dont HAVE to get together, but they need proper resolution bc they have actual history between them. God Leta in general deserved so much better. [3]

But my main gripe is that this love polygon serves no purpose to what I believe is the main selling point of FB: the world. HP having love stories makes sense bc we're following the story of a boy as he goes through adolescence & his journey through that via school is part of that, which is why the romance feels fitting. It's a very personal story. FB on the otherhand is the best peak we have at the wider wizarding world beyond school. HP introduces the world of magic, but FB rlly expands it [4]

To that end Jakob & Queenie's relationship is the only one I find myself liking, bc it's deeply tied to the world setting, the series' biggest selling point (in my opinion, should have said this earlier). It underscores the attitudes of the period & the conflict they face feels suitably substantial & not like filler. There's a moral question between them of are they worth it? And how far should they go to be together?

Imma be real hear & say FB2 was rlly Queenie's movie & they should have been ballsy & just make Queenie the mc for FB2, bc her story was actually considerably more important to the overall development of the story than Newt's, which mostly came off as a rushed & a tad clichè soap drama. & making it about Queenie I think builds more room for good conflict & independent narrative for Tina that would serve her chara better. [5? 6?]

If I bad to be REAL ballsy, I'd say my big issue w/ the relationships in the FB series & how it enhances or impedes the main story & what I believe to be it's biggest attracter (the setting) could have been solved if they made Newt's romantic interest a muggle. It attaches a deeper meaning & relevance to them & the story so it felt more deeply that they truly moved WITH the narrative rather than beside it but I guess Im just picky. Thx for putting up w this! [Final]

(My response below the cut.)

Yeah, pretty much all of this is right.

Regarding the Tina thing, it was definitely rushed, especially since there was literally nothing romantic between them in the whole first movie, except maybe the end part where they're stumbling over their words. Despite knowing how movies work and knowing that they were the male and female lead, I still found that completely out of left field, because they don't really share any interests and I didn't feel like they felt anything in particular for each other before that. She really wants to be an auror and feels really intensely about it; he just wants to travel the world and write about magical creatures and take care of them. I don't see a lot of compatibility there, and the movie didn't really do anything to reconcile that gap.

Jacob and Queenie made sense, because they actually sowed some seeds for it. It's not even about the fact that they both like to cook; they showed an interest in each other throughout. They noticeably like each other. Newt and Tina never really had that, to me, so it was bizarre for her to become his primary motivation in the second movie.

Queenie's trajectory in movie 2 overall bothers me, so while I agree it would have been better if they'd centered it more around her, I definitely think they needed to drastically rewrite pretty much everything she did. Enchanting Jacob at the beginning never sat well with me; I usually only have to say this in the Descendants fandom, but if one half of the ship is magical and the other half isn't, we can't have the magical one enchanting the non-magical one for romantic reasons without addressing what a violation of trust that is. Like, Jacob would be justified for never trusting her again, over that. Also, the fact that she apparently holds it against people if they think bad things about her is not something I would expect from someone who has been a Legilimens as long as she has, and not a detail I like, at all. Especially since it was used to give her justification to be mad at Jacob after she enchanted him in the first place. I find it sad, because Queenie was definitely my favorite character in the first movie. (Also, joining Grindelwald was a nonsensical thing to do. I can only assume she's there to spy on him or something, because it makes literally no sense.)

As for Leta, I really don't like how that was approached. First of all, I don't like how their mention of her in the first movie was "She was a taker; you need a giver," because once we actually met the character, that only made me resent Queenie for representing her that way. Leta deserved better in pretty much every way, and they definitely shouldn't have killed her off like that. I find the whole situation really iffy from a racial standpoint. The first black character to be written three-dimensionally in all of HP lore, and they make sure to preemptively tell the audience that she's a "taker", kill her in the same movie we meet her, and manage to trivialize her death by turning it into a little "Who was she saying 'I love you' to?" mystery. I like her relationship with Newt and Theseus, and I'd definitely want to see more of it.

Yes, it definitely would have been better, thematically, if they'd made the love interest a Muggle. (I'd honestly say they should've paired Newt with Jacob, but I know they're unwilling to do that. That would be kind of cool, though, to see the movie shaping up with two male characters and two female characters and have the men end up with each other and the women just live their lives as humans.)

With the story they ended up telling, though, I don't think that is needed; since Queenie is already dealing with the wizard/Muggle storyline, Newt could have a different conflict. Maybe his love interest should be a werewolf or something, to tie in the wizarding world's unresolved dislike for "half-breeds". And if he were in a relationship with someone already regarded as a creature, the wider wizarding world might take a different view to his studies and look down on him a lot more. Idk, a thought.

And then, with Leta/Theseus and Grindelwald/Dumbledore (if they were willing to actually deal with that), they'd pretty much hit every controversial beat they've got: wizard/Muggle, wizard/"half-breed", interracial, homosexual. Credence and Nagini are both creatures, kind of, but I still like them together, so their relationship doesn't have to tie into any theme; it just has to be developed way more.

On the whole, Crimes of Grindelwald felt like they skipped a movie. It feels like they needed a middle installment to make these relationships happen, instead of jumping from "Do Newt and Tina maybe have feelings for each other?" to "Newt loves Tina and Tina is possessive enough of Newt to be outwardly upset with him when she thinks he's engaged to someone else," and creating a whole relationship between Credence and Nagini that we see none of.

The fact that Queenie and Jacob were done well in the first movie gives me a fair amount of goodwill for them, but that goodwill only offers enough cushioning from the botching that movie 2 did that I'm near-indifferent to the ship, now, instead of actively opposed. I'd like to see things improved, but as it currently stands, I'd be just as happy seeing them end up not together as together. The fact that Leta's relationships with Newt and Theseus were more interesting than any of the aforementioned makes it that much more ridiculous that they killed her. What ship am I supposed to care about how? If I can't go into the next movie delusionally hoping Newt and Leta will get some moments, or enjoying the Theseus and Leta content, then I'll just be sitting there waiting for Credence and Nagini to share a screen, and who knows when that'll happen?

[lonelier-version-of-you]

Oliver valentine

Ooh, thank you for this one anon, I don't get to talk about Oliver very much these days (or at least, I haven't in a while, though him being back thankfully provides reason for me to talk about him more again).

Why I like them: He is a brilliantly complex and IMO often very underrated character, played by a truly talented actor. He's very deeply flawed, and in a lot of ways (especially in his early episodes) not a very good person, but he's very interesting to watch and since his second stint you can tell he's really trying.

Why I don't: He can be an utter asshole sometimes. The whole 'swapping his exam results with Penny's' fiasco comes to mind.

Favourite episode: Don't make me pick. Just don't. He's had so many brilliant episodes.

Favourite season: Honestly, I'd have to say probably series 20, even though he was only in the first 13 episodes, because his brain injury arc was incredible.

Favourite line: His speech trying to convince Henrik to let him work at the hospital in S23E29 (last week's episode) really got me. "I was told that I'd never live alone again, but I do. I was told that I'd never practice medicine again, but I will!"

(Raise your hands, fellow disabled Holby fans: how many of us nearly cried at that? Just me? Yeah, probably just me.)

Also loved his line to Jac when she asked him why he didn't go and work at a hospital that he hadn't been shot in the head at: "It appears being shot in the head somewhat limited my options." It was just so refreshing getting to see a disabled character make a disability joke on Holby, rather than the show relentlessly mocking them for humour yet somehow refusing to let them joke about their own disability (*cough*Jason*cough*).

He also has some great lines in The Prisoner. Him saying "Who could forget you?" to Jac is iconic. And does him quoting 'Higher' by The Saturdays count as a line, because if so, I'm including that too.

Edit: OH and how could I forget “Love means loss to me, and I can’t stand losing you, ever.” 😭

Favourite outfit: See my previous points about not paying attention to the clothes the men on Holby wear very much, haha. Saying that, can I count those pyjamas he wore a lot while he was in hospital after he was shot by Fredrik? Because those did look like really cosy pyjamas.

OTP: I'm boring, I really only ship him with his wives. So Ollie/Zosia and Ollie/Tara for me, thanks.

BroTP: I LOVE his friendship with Jac.

Headcanon: I know I say he's bi and genderqueer all the time, but. he's bi and genderqueer. More specifically, regarding his bisexuality, I see him as having had quite a few male crushes and even having slept with men under the guise of "experimentation" throughout his life, then finally coming to terms with his sexuality after a grief-fuelled one-night stand with a man after Tara's death.

Unpopular opinion: That thing people in the fandom did, where before they viewed him as a "cool funny relatable character", and then the MINUTE he became disabled everyone started calling him a "precious uwu flower child"? That wasn't cute. At all. It was just weird and infantilising and ableist.

A wish: I just want him and Zosia to get back together and be happy. I know Ollie's obviously not in a great place right now (both in the sense that he hasn't dealt with his brain injury as well as he wants to think he has, and I think he's probably struggling with the psychological trauma too), but I want some kind of happy or at least hopeful ending for him.

An oh-god-please-don't-ever-happen: I don't think this will happen, but if the thing in the trailer implying he's hit a new partner leads into them making him an out-and-out domestic abuser, YIKES. I think it will be more of a controversial-grey-area type of thing where he lashed out once on impulse because of emotional dysregulation, though - a really shitty and utterly unjustifiable thing to do, but not necessarily out of any intent to cause any harm (which would be the difference between his behaviour, and, say, Isaac, or Tina from Casualty). So hopefully they won't actually go there.

5 words to best describe them: In the opposite to Kian or Roxanna (who were hard to describe because they were barely fleshed out), Ollie is too complex for me to find 5 words that do him justice! Um. Outgoing, insecure, selfish (a little), I know I used 'passionate' already for Ange but can I use it for Ollie too because it does fit. That's only 4 words, but I tried.

My nickname for them: Same situation as with Dom - technically Ollie is a nickname, and I call him that, but I don't have anything unique I call him lol.

[clansayeed]

Jack, many of the fics I read around here, treat Kamilah as a Gaius' victim and him as an abuser who manipulated her. I don't know if that perception comes from the fact that most of Kamilah's fanfic writers are lesbian and there's this "trend" of treating men as enemies or if it comes from the fact Kamilah's fans need to see her as a manipulated victim, so they can excuse her for her atrocities. To me, it's very difficult to label Kamilah as just Gaius victim, considering how badass, strong and powerful she is. I see her more as Gaius' accomplice that managed to redeem herself that his puppet. There's loads of evidence on the BB books that she was his partner in crime rather than his victim. IMO, treating her as a product of his manipulation looks like underestimating Kamilah. What is you opinion about this? I'd like to hear your input as I consider you one of the writers that has managed to understand Kamilah's personality the best.

I want to start off by saying I don’t know, nor am I speaking for the majority of writers in the fandom, no matter their orientation, but rather I’m only speaking for myself--my interpretation of Kamilah--and my thoughts on her. Which... as is pretty apparent by now is very different than perhaps PB or the BB writers intended. I have nothing to say regarding the beginning of this ask.

You pretty much hit it home with my ideas here:

“I see her more as Gaius' accomplice that managed to redeem herself than his puppet.”

But... I think it’s possible to be both in this case.

Something I mention a lot and something that drives much of my thought process when it comes to characters like Gaius and Kamilah is the simple fact that I don’t think it’s ever possible to understand them. Yes because they’re fictional first and foremost but taking that away and giving critical character analysis; they are thousands of years old. 2,000 for Kamilah and based on my logic nearly if not 3,000 for Gaius. Like... think about how much you change in a lifetime. Think about how much you change in a decade, or a year, or whatever. Multiplying that by literal thousands is... kind of small potatoes to someone like us. Someone finite.

Because there’s a difference in mentality, I think, when you stop considering yourself in league with the things that will come and go. A freedom of mentality and, in my opinion anyway, a freedom from certain values and morals and ethics, etc. The way you treat someone you know will die in your lifetime changes. The way you treat someone who you know will not die in your lifetime changes.

So when the dynamic of Kamilah and Gaius is brought up I think the idea of “nothing exists in a vacuum” needs to be brought up (in analysis anyway) more than it is. Because it’s easy to see motivations and intentions in the moment (or, in this case, in the context of the scene given) and take them one way, but if they are taken as just another tiny tiny piece of the whole... that’s a different story.

“... treating her as a product of his manipulation looks like underestimating Kamilah.”

Yes. This one thousand (or two thousand, depending on your persuasion) times yes. One of the reasons I think they stayed together for so long was because of their similarities. It’s only for brief moments at a time but we see Kamilah was a tactician, a nomarch; someone with keen enough military strategy to have a decent number reporting to her and important enough that the fabled Undying Centurion, or any prisoner I’m willing to bet, would be brought before her to decide their fate.

Saying the Kamilah we see in flashbacks and meet in the present -- cunning, capable, even a little devious, and very powerful -- is nothing more than a product of her time with Gaius is doing her a great disservice. The potential was already there. He just gave her the years to develop her talents as much as she wished.

Controversial opinion, but I would even say had she lived 2,000 years on her own and without Gaius’ influence she probably would have ended up a very similar woman to the one who had been at his side. Maybe a little more open emotionally, but with only very minor personality changes.

Of course what Gaius did (in canon anyway) was unforgivable, abusive, awful. But denying their similarities is just kind of silly. They worked so well together because of those things -- not in spite of Kamilah being some repressed doe-eyed soul forced to put on a hard face for her abusive partner, but because I really believe they played each other as well as they played the world.

There’s nothing wrong with seeing Kamilah in this light, too. It doesn’t make her evil, or imply she would ever be emotionally abusive towards MC. So often a woman’s cunning and devious nature ends up demonized and that’s just... such a shitty way to view women, and especially characters. What Gaius did to her and how he treated her was terrible, but that doesn’t automatically make her the typical kind of victim.

Going back to the vacuum train of thought -- we can’t forget that despite her wits and mental and physical dominance... history hasn’t exactly been kind to women. And definitely not women of color. Which is putting it way too mildly, obviously, but isn’t the point right now. Sure there were periods and places in which a smart woman could find a way to gain her own power but as a whole, and likely in Gaius’ Western-modeled Court, that power had a limit.

So taking that and applying it to a woman of color who has seen dozens of those social structures come and go and always ending up the same flavor of sexist, and saying she wouldn’t grow a thick-ass skin like armor and find any way she could to twist the world to suit her? Like I said above; a disservice.

Hope that curbs your curiosity?? I wrote this in segments with long breaks in between so if I seem to jump tangents my baaad and feel free to ask me to elaborate on one part or another.

[askbensolo]

Have ur parents ever gotten really mad at u and totally lost it? This is random, but I'd like 2 know.

It was almost a year ago, right after Uncle Luke came to visit us.

While Luke was here, Mom forbade me from saying anything about Darth Vader or the Empire, because she didn’t want me to embarrass our family. I complied, if a little begrudgingly.

But I got sick of having to bite my tongue all the time. I thought it was unfair of my mom to shut me down every time I began to approach controversy. Once Luke left, I almost just wanted to disagree for the sake of disagreeing.

…It all culminated in me telling my mother I was glad Alderaan was destroyed.

In my defense, it wasn’t a premeditated act. I’m certainly not glad Alderaan was destroyed. And I was certainly never planning to say what I did. 

…Well, okay, maybe I had been thinking about it. Fantasizing about it, a little, whenever I was angry with her. Whenever she put me over the edge, I would just sit and sulk and imagine the cruel pleasure I would feel, telling her to her face that I was glad her planet had exploded. Not because I was actually glad, but because I wanted to hurt her. And I knew that something like that would hurt her more than anything else.

(“Tell me…is it wrong that I feel good when I imagine hurting her?”

“Of course not, dear boy… It’s only a fantasy. What stays inside your own mind cannot hurt anyone.”)

Luke’s visit had left me feeling sullen and moody. In addition to Mom shooting me dirty looks whenever she thought I might say something controversial, Luke’s cheeriness had begun to get on my nerves.

I know, I know, Luke’s a great guy. But he...just…wouldn’t shut up about Jedi life. It was always “my students” this, and “my students” that. “I’m so proud of them” for this, “I’m so proud of them” for that.

(”He loves his students more than he loves you.”)

Now, my opinion of Luke has since improved. But then, I couldn’t be around him without acting all guarded and defensive. “Fix your attitude,” Mom would hiss in my ear. “Your uncle doesn’t get to come around often.”

(”She doesn’t care how unhappy you are. She can’t even see how unhappy you are.”)

So I was glad when it finally came time for him to go. But all my bitterness stayed inside me. You see, it was the night after Luke left that it happened. Because now that he was gone, and I didn’t have to worry about keeping up appearances for him, my self-control was quickly approaching depletion.

“You know, it’s funny how some people never change,” Dad said, spooning some more greens onto his plate. “Luke’s just the same starry-eyed kid he ever was. Hard to believe it’s been so many years.”

Mom laughed and gave him a mirthful look. “Luke said the very same thing about you. ‘Han still swaggers around like he’s twenty-nine and single, doesn’t he?’ That’s what he said.”

“Nooo,” Dad interjected, feigning surprise, but actually sounding quite pleased. He leaned toward my mother with an intentional smirk. “Do you think I’m as dashing as I was when I was twenty-nine and single?”

“Well, it doesn’t matter what I think, because the fact is you’re forty-nine and married,” Mom sniffed, and pecked him on the cheek.

“Would you guys stop being gross? I’m trying to eat,” I muttered in the general direction of my plate.

“Nice to meet you, Trying-to-Eat—”

“Han.”

“Fine, I rescind my attempt at humor.” He shoved the last of his food in his mouth and got up to put his dishes in the sink.

Mom sighed, following him with her eyes, then turning to me. “Ben…what is it that’s bothering you? I feel like I haven’t been able to have a normal conversation with you for days.”

I shrugged.

“Is it something I did?”

I didn’t answer.

“...Ben, honey, we’re not going to get anywhere if you don’t talk to me,” she said quietly. “If you don’t want to talk, that’s fine, but you have to at least communicate—”

“Can I put my posters and stuff back up now?” I blurted, more to shut her up than anything else. She had made me take down my Empire posters and models because Luke had been sharing my room.

I found myself looking right at her. I averted my eyes and hunched my shoulders.

She was silent for a moment, apparently undergoing some kind of realization. “Is that what this is all about?” she asked, somewhat incredulously.

“No…I’m just asking,” I said tersely. “So can I?”

She paused again, wetting her lips.

“If you have to,” she answered, her tone hardening. “But you know your mommy would rather you didn’t.”

I bristled. “You’re not my mommy, Mom. I’m not five.”

“Well, sometimes you act that way,” she remarked, almost as an aside. But it wasn’t, because clearly I was meant to hear it.

I let my fork fall to the plate with a clatter. My head was beginning to swim. “Why? Just because I have different opinions than you?”

“It’s the way you handle those ‘different opinions’ of yours,” she said stiffly. “You act as if you had a complete understanding of the way things were.”

“So you’re saying I don’t.”

“You’ve only read about the past, Ben,” she said quietly. “I’ve lived it.”

“That means you only have one perspective,” I shot back, feeling hotter and hotter with every passing second. “I have the cumulative perspective of hundreds of people through thousands of accounts.”

“Hey…let’s call a time-out,” Dad said cautiously from across the room, drawing Mom’s attention and my vitriolic gaze. Mom nodded, reaching for her plate and standing up.

“Your father’s right,” she said. “This isn’t accomplishing anything. Listen, sweetie…I’m not going to tell you what to do with those posters, but I’d just like you to consider that you never had my permission to obtain them in the first place, and I would be extremely grateful if you didn’t put them back up. Just think of it as a favor to your mother.”

My heart seemed to be racing out of control. Everything was a blur. I couldn’t feel anything except for that immense feeling inside of me, and in an instant it overran my reasoning and took me over. I grabbed my plate and flung it to the floor, relishing in the resulting crash and the stunned reaction I got from my parents.

“Stop trying to control me!” I shouted. “Why do I have to change myself to make you happy?! Can’t you just let me live?!”

Mom set her jaw.

“Your room, Ben,” she commanded. “Now.”

But the storm that surrounded me refused to obey. And then all the energy circulating inside me tunneled deep into that secret, burning desire to inflict harm. Faintly, I knew I had to suppress it, somehow, but I didn’t want to. It licked my insides with flames, and I liked it. Before I could even think, ugliness came rushing from my lips.

“I’m glad your planet exploded,” I said darkly. Just like that. Just like I’d done a thousand times in my imagination.

The plate in Mom’s hands came crashing to the floor, the broken shards mingling with the ones already there.

“Ben—” Dad started to say, but Mom cut him off. She was shaking, struggling to find words, but she spoke.

“You have got to be the most impudent, most disrespectful child in this or in any other galaxy,” she stammered furiously. “It is going to take a long time—and a lot of willpower—for me to forgive you this one. You have crossed the line, do you hear me? If you ever say that again—”

“I’m glad Alderaan exploded!” I shouted, shooting fire straight into her eyes.

Silence.

And then, it happened. She snapped.

“You are a terrible person and I want you out of this house!” she screamed hoarsely. The look on her face now was fear, not anger. She was trembling, starting to cry. “You are not allowed here anymore! You are not my son! You do not deserve a single thing this family has sacrificed for you! Get out. Get out! I can’t tolerate this kind of talk and I don’t want you here!”

“Go and cool off, Ben,” Dad echoed in a low tone, his face an expression of serious concern.

What else could I do? I left.

Once I was outside the house, my resolve crumbled, and the strength of my anger evaporated. I broke down and cried. The burning fire gave way to a hollow, aching emptiness that seemed to devour me even more voraciously.

(”She says you’re a terrible person. She says you’re not her son. She says you don’t deserve to be here. She says she doesn’t want you. She’s going to send you away. She doesn’t want to see you again. She doesn’t want you anymore.”

“Stop! Stop tormenting me!”)

The truth about what I had done hit me too late. How could I have said such terrible words? How could I have forgotten? It wasn’t just some thing that had happened; it was the stuff of my mother’s worst memories and her worst nightmares. She had been captured and forced to watch as her home planet was blown to pieces. She had had to stand there and be a witness as virtually everyone she loved, including her parents, burned alive and vanished from the face of the galaxy.

And I suspect that somehow…in some way…Mom still believes that it was her fault. As strong as she is, that trauma is something that’s never left her, and maybe never will.

And me? I’d taken advantage of that. I’d dug my claws deep into those scars and ripped them wide open and taken pleasure from it.

(“You! You lied to me! You said there was nothing wrong with imagining!”

“Sweet child…I never lied. I said there was nothing wrong with imagining, but only if you kept it inside your own head. I’m afraid you failed.”)

The more I thought about it, the more I came to believe that she really did hate me now, and that my father did too. They were going to send me away to Luke and never speak to me again. My entire body seized up. Sweat rose up from every pore in my skin. I felt like everything inside of me was trying to tear me apart, and all I could do was curl up and sob on the ground. They were going to disown me and nothing I said would be able to change what I’d done.

In reality, I was only disowned for about half an hour. Then Dad came to get me.

I shrank away when I saw him coming. I almost got up and ran, but I didn’t have the strength. I’d already cried out every tear.

“Well, you really did it this time, kid; didn’t you?” he said softly.

“I’m a terrible person,” I choked out, still edging away. I used it like a shield. I didn’t want him to tell me the same thing, so I simply said it myself.

He shook his head and came closer. “No. You just said some terrible stuff. That doesn’t mean you’re a terrible person, it just means you gotta make it right. C’mere, kid.” He held out his hand.

I slapped it away.

“She said I wasn’t her son.” My voice hitched and cracked like a damaged droid’s.

Dad paused, a faint grimace lining his features.

“Well…” he began slowly, “I think what she really meant to say was that Darth Vader wasn’t her father.” He looked at the sky and put his hands in his pockets. “I guess that…in that moment…she didn’t see her son. I think she saw Vader standing there, instead of you.”

When he said that…it was like a shadow had passed over me. I slowly shook my head as I burst into fresh tears.

“I don’t want to be Darth Vader,” I whispered.

I had never said that before.

And that was the catalyst for me to start shoving all my subversive opinions back under the bed where they belonged. All the Vader posters, all the TIE fighter models, they’re still in a box in my closet now. Just…rotting away.

Obviously, my mother and I made up and everything. She was very sorry about the things that she’d said, and I was even sorrier about the things that I’d said. She showered me with hugs and kisses and reassured me over and over again that I was her baby, even when I hurt her—and I had hurt her, very much. I apologized over and over. I promised I would never say anything so…so evil ever again. And she promised she would never again say that I wasn’t her son.

“Those are never, ever words that any child should hear,” she said quietly, tears slipping down her face as she held me close. “Especially not mine. You’re the light of my life, Ben-Ben. Mommy is so, so sorry.”

Of course I forgave her.

But…that didn’t make it better right away.

…I hate to paint myself as a victim since I’m the one who, you know…said I was glad about the extermination of an entire civilization. The extermination of my mother’s home planet. The planet that she watched go to flames right before her very eyes, when she was only a kid not much older than me.

But…the words she had said in her anger and her pain stuck with me for weeks after the argument (and even almost a year later they still come back to me sometimes). I memorized them to the intonation. I heard them in my sleep. I thought about them constantly. Yet...I couldn’t tell anyone. Mom and I had made up to one another already—so wasn’t the whole thing supposed to be over and done with? I didn’t want to bring it back up again.

Plus, I was scared that my mistake had given my mother every right to say what she had said.

So I just…let it fester inside of me. I felt very lost. And very bitter. And very shaken. Because even though we had made up, and even though I knew she hadn’t meant it…I was just so angry that my mother could let herself say something like that. That I wasn’t her son. That I didn’t deserve to be her kid.

…It ate me away.

(“Do you see how easy it is to lose someone’s love?” he whispered in the darkness, embracing me, wiping away the tears, displacing the pain and replacing it with himself. “She forgives you now, but you saw how quickly she was willing to abandon you. That is why you can depend on no one but me. You must learn to validate yourself without your family…without your parents… You know they don’t love you anyway. But there are other things from which you may derive your strength, young one…and more strength than you have ever dreamed of.”)

[taco-calamitous]

Ha-HA! Have THIS long-ass shit on your page!