#i did not intend for this to be long enough to warrant a read more i am just incapable of not going ape shitt when it comes to grineer lore

[sweetsuo]

Hiya. I was wondering if you could do Suo, Ren Kaji, and Umemiya from Wind Breaker with a s/o who has a secret tattoo? Like they have a tattoo on their arm or leg but they always had it covered up with something not to hide it just because the clothes their s/o normally wears covers it. With a gn!reader please

Howdy! I sure can ovo. I tried to encorporate the prompt as much as I could without it being repetitive or the sole focus. Also in umemiya's, i mention a skirt of fabric, but there is a youtube short (here) i based the performance off of and figured that it was more just like a draped fabric?? I couldn't think of a more appropriate word so I'm sorry if 'skirt' is a little too gendered ;v; i can always change it. Also have no idea where to put the 'read more' so here's to hoping it won't mess up too much fjdksfj

𝐒𝐞𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞

Hayato Suo x gn!reader.

drummer!Ren Kaji x bandmate.gn!reader.

Hajime Umemiya x dancer.gn!reader.

genre. [SFW]. Ficlets with Fluff~. Suo finds a secret of your past. Kaji is your bandmate. Umemiya attends one of your performances.

cw. in suo's - mentions of physical fights. drummer!Kaji. in umemiya's - pole dancer!reader. probably spelling errors dlkfj.

wc. ~2k.

𝐇𝐚𝐲𝐚𝐭𝐨 𝐒𝐮𝐨

Summer was always sweltering. The humidity, the heat, the sun relentlessly beating down from above – it all made for a horribly sweaty time. When choosing your outfit, you went for something a little more revealing from your typical. A tank top and some shorts. Simple and generally not enough to garner you stares. That is, if you didn’t have tattoos. Some of the more rural areas still affiliated tats with the Yakuza or delinquents. Luckily this town was pretty open minded. 

You only had them on your knees, but still tried to cover them up with foundation and longer pants. It was illusory – the type to make it look like you had joints of a ball-jointed doll. On the left knee was a crack in the ‘porcelain.’ It was all intended to be a cover up from a past fast. One you were not too excited to be reminded of, but still was part of your history.

“My, what do we have here?” Suo’s saccharine voice tore you from your memories. 

He sat beside you on the rail of the bridge above cascading waters. You feel his cool gaze linger on the ink. It hadn’t been long since you started dating. You hadn’t really done anything yet to warrant him seeing your tattoos, either. He wasn’t the type to judge based off such superficial features yet somehow the paranoia remained. Would he judge you?

“This is lovely. The blending is superb.” His smile is as soft as his touch along your knee. He admired the art. It took a lot of skill to make skin resemble the texture of porcelain. 

You straighten and bend your right leg in response with a grin, “Thank you! The girl who did it was really talented!” Your partner nodded in agreement; his gaze filled with loving intrigue. Enthused, you chattered on, “Said it’d be painful, especially at the back of the knee-“ You twist your body and gripped the rail to show him the pit of the knee, “but nothin’ could be as painful as getting my knee kicked in-“ An arctic chill ran up your spine. Confused, you pause in your chipper yapping. “Uh... Hayato?” 

Suo leaned, grazing his fingertips along the inked-over scar of the left knee. Silence took over as he stroked the area with delicate care. His smile faded, leaving behind an eerily flat expression. Suo was the chill dominating over the heat. “Is that what this is from?”

“Happened when I was stuck in KEEL a while back. Before I moved over here. Got the tattoo to cover up the scar.”

“Ah. Would you happen to remember who the troglodyte is that did this?” The vitriol of those words passed through such a polite smile as he peered up to you.

“None of that.” You pursed your lips and teasingly flicked your hand at him, “No vengeance seeking on my account.” He opened his mouth to make some sweet excuse only for you to interject, “I did whack them with a pipe so I wasn’t too fair either.” You shrugged off the incident. Enthusiastically, you motioned to your knee, “Plus I got a pretty rad tattoo out of it. The past is the past.” You leaned against him, resting your cheek on his shoulder. 

Suo kissed the crown of your head, leaning his lips upon the roots in thought. He chucked, surrendering to your charms, “Fine, fine. I’ll stand down." He checked his phone for the time, "Shall we go have our tea?” 

“Of course!” You hop down with Suo’s assistance. You didn’t fully believe he’d stand down, but that would be a problem for another lovely summer day.

𝐑𝐞𝐧 𝐊𝐚𝐣𝐢

“Ren~! Are you excited? I’m excited.” You practically leapt from foot to foot in the band lounge room. The walls were lined with posters, tour promos, and thumb-tacked notes from bands of years past. Photos of band members in that exact location were hung to immortalize the bands that made it big. You toyed with the corners of handwritten notes, more than overjoyed to read the words of encouragement from bassists and singers alike. 

“Mhm,” He leaned his head against the back of a couch, hands patting on his thighs as he mentally ran through the setlist as last minute practice. 

So far, it was just you and him in the room. Sugishita, Hiragi, and Kiryu all went to grab drinks before the show. Two years after graduation, the band was made. Never got too big – it was mostly a hobby after all. But tonight was a big night. With some pulling of strings and pleading Suo to smooth talk the venue manager, the band was able to play a night in a well known spot.  

“D’ya think it’ll be more underground?" You questioned, "Never been to this venue before even in my groupie years so I'm not sure of the crowd's vibe."

“Dunno. Heard it was popular because of the blacklights, mostly.” Kaji answered cooly, "Probably a lot of different people."

“Blacklights? Is that why everyone made these?” You pull at the collar of your shirt. Everyone from Bofurin met up on the old rooftop the night before and drew on black t-shirts with bleach and highlighters. You certainly didn't cry upon recieving the gift. Ofcourse not!

The only thing was that it got hot on stage and the last thing you wanted was to sweat through all the sweet words written by your friends, so you modified the cut. The sleeves were cut off (no writing was on them!) and you slit the side seams so it draped on you like a tank top. But then, a different thought popped into your head. Maybe that wasn't the only thing.

“Oh shit.” 

“Hm?” Kaji leaned forward with a tilt of his head, “What’s up?”

“I have a tattoo.” 

“Eh? You do?” His brows furrowed. Not from anger - he never gave a shit about tattoos. He even had a few neck pieces nowadays. He’d seen most of your body by this point and never noticed a single line of ink.

Pretty gray eyes narrowed as he investigated you, “C’mere. Lemme see.” He motioned you over and you happily obliged. You took the opportunity to straddle his lap. He pat your exposed skin, trying to find this hidden gem along the canvas he thought he memorized. 

“It’s here-“ You twisted, holding open the slit of the shirt to show your ribs. 

A crease lined the center of his brows, “Nothin’s there.” 

“It’s UV ink.... there's gotta be a light around here to show you.” From above the couch was a metal pull string to a blacklight. With a yoink, the amethyst light glowed. You heard the doorknob turn followed by Kiryu popping his head in.

“Ten minutes ‘till start-“

“Kiryu before you go again, flip that switch!” You motioned to the light switch next to the door. 

The pinkette gave you a mischievous grin, obliging, “No backstage funny business. Hiragi will have a heart attack on stage.” He shut the door with a wave, leaving you and your red cheeks illuminated by the blacklight. 

As soon as he did, Kaji’s eyes widened. In UV ink, you had a ribcage tattooed on with flowers peeking through the bone. His thumb grazed the skin, eyes wide in awe. 

“That’s hot.” He mumbled. Strong, calloused fingers pressed into your flesh and pulled to see more. You enjoyed the attention, almost cursing at Kiryu for the time announcement, “Have you always had this?”

“Mhm! I got it when I was a teen. Too scared to get in trouble, though, so figured hiding it with invisible ink would work perfectly.” You looked off to the side, “All in one session. Don’t recommend.” 

“That why you could barely move that one month?” 

“Please don’t bring that up again, I was embarrassed enough when Taiga accidentally five-starred it and I cried on the roof. Shit hurt during healing!”  You shared a laugh from the past shenanigans.

Kaji took the sucker out from his mouth and pulled you in for a kiss. The remnants of his lolipop lingered between you and him.  He snorted at your pout when he pulled away.  Free hand cupped your cheek. The corner of his mouth turned up as he asked, “Let’s get a light for the bedroom.” 

𝐇𝐚𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐔𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐲𝐚

You took a deep breath in. Your fingers wrapped around the hand loop. With a tug you make sure it’s firm in its place along the pole. Tsubaki had convinced you to join her at the club for some extra cash some time ago. At first you weren’t sure if you were cut out for it. You could do exotic style, but flow and contemporary were where you felt free. You were assured it wasn’t a problem. “Diversifying style is what keeps people coming!” is what she said. 

You also had tattoos. Your body was etched with botanical sketches of ferns, ivy and strawberry leaves that wrapped around your form. From your ankles to your shoulders and wrists. This was not a problem for the club, either. With the mix of your aesthetic and your style of dance, you were known as a faery at the club. This led you to develop a regular audience who enjoyed such stylings. 

You breathe out. The one person who hasn’t seen you yet was Hajime. Guilt saturated your chest. He’d ask when you were performing, and you would say during his patrol time.  You knew he wouldn’t judge you. And yet the thought of him watching you was nerve wracking. What if he didn’t like your art? Both your tattoos and your dance were integral to you. What would happen if he didn’t think you were good enough? No. No thinking of that now. 

The music began. You stepped forward once before lifting into the wind. The sheer fabric of your skirt trailed behind you as you take the pole in your hands. Transitioning from flag stance to a windmill, your leg hooked the pole firmly and propelled you around once more. The final piece of your short performance was to elongate and stretch your body, hand reaching for the crowd as you bend just slightly back. A single leaf curling out from a stem.

Your eyes opened upon the applause of patrons. Scanning the crowd, you froze upon seeing him. Umemiya was clapping, pride and awe reflected in the depth of his eyes. Your chest tightened. 

A soft landing and a bow later, you were on your way to the dressing room. Your hands pressed into your cheeks to comfort the bite of embarrassment. Your mind ran with words to explain your avoidance. You asked the world for a moment to think, and the world said absolutely not. Hot hands grab yours without mind to the sweat on your palms. 

“Your dance was beautiful! You are beautiful!” His voice filled the hallway and drained your head of rumination. “Just like that one painting – ” Hajime pulled the backs of your fingers to his lips as he thought. He was a beauty with his nose scrunched with concentration.  “When you reached out..... Creation of Adam!” Something hitched in your throat, eyes wide and mouth agape. Umemiya’s words continued to cascade over you, “Your tattoos made me think of the one with the lady on the swing, too – because of all the flowers.” 

“The Swing?” You ask, too dumbfounded to even contemplate your prior pity party. You felt your insides warm up from such high praise. “Do... do you like art, Hajime?” 

“I like you,” Umemiya’s gaze entrapped you in their intensity, “I never really got into it before, but I saw that you had a lot of paintings and books about the arts and dance so I did some lookin’ up about it.” He laughed, “I like the ones with gardens in ‘em.” He thumbed at a sprawling ivy vine curling at your wrist. Adoration bloomed with his words. 

Your lip trembles and you shove your face into him to cover up the sniffles. A gentle kiss planted onto your temple, “Sorry if I upset you coming here. Tsubaki said she was dancing tonight so I came with some of the guys for a drink.”

“Figured she did this,” You muttered into his shirt, “I should be the one whose sorry. I should���ve been upfront. I was just-“

“I get scared, too. Don’t even worry about it. I would’ve waited for you to be ready,” The warmth of his voice soothed your lingering nerves. His chest jerked with a huff, “Tsubaki was just scheming.”

“Glad she did.” 

[gothicprep]

I keep seeing people online taking dumps on a youtube video called “bad conservative horror”, which is 3 hours long. I’m procrastinating packing my bags for Moving Purposes so, sure, I’ll bite.

my bias going into it is was that, while I don’t think any of the filmmakers involved in 80s era horror movies were conservatives, there’s probably something to explore with how “sexually active teens who drink get mowed down by a freddy or jason when they didn’t do anything wrong” flicks likely resonated more with people in the reagan years than they would have if you dropped them in any other time period. is it enough to warrant a 3 hour long monologue? i doubt it. but I’ll keep an open mind.

it begins with the presenter being angry that his previous video on “the hills have eyes” was poorly received. okay. guess I have some assigned viewing to follow what’s going on here. so i did and, frankly, it’s a really bad video. it falls into the trap of reading cinema like it’s a novel. so, in other words, it’s mostly dialed in on the writing aspect and ignoring every other part of film language.

not to point out the obvious here, but movies offer you an artistic opportunity that novels don’t – one that’s mostly sonic and visual. this is especially true of mid 20th century horror movies. it’s less concerned with telling you a story as it is painting you a landscape. alex garland does this a lot. baz luhrmann is this on meth. 60s and 70s horror movies mostly aim to give you something pulpy and decadent in this sort of fashion. I don’t think there’s any basis for saying that horror from this era is primarily concerned with expressing broad left-wing punk social themes. don’t read it, watch it.

tangential, but probably worth bringing up: if you follow online junk that’s related to movies, you’ve probably seen side-by-side comparisons of the shot composition in movie xyz and a painting. henson & lucas’s labyrinth and escher’s relativity being the most direct one. if you’re taking habitus into consideration here, it rains all over the argument that this stuff is made with working class sensibilities in mind.

anyway. not worth my time. turned it off, wrote this, and now I’ll just go back to packing. probably the first time something i intended as a distraction actively made me want to do chores. there’s a first time for everything!

[actuallyevilgay]

The Apathy (Part 2)

Astarion x Male Reader/Tav

DNI if you are a minor. Dead dove don’t eat. Please read my about before replying. Content: Astarion x Male tav, this is post epilogue.

Summary: Once Astarion learns from Withers Tav is somewhere in Neverwinter, he intends to find his lost love. We learn from Tav's perspective what he has been doing all this time. Reminders: Astarion is the vampire ascendant, Tav is not a heroic figure. Contains headcanons for several characters, contains headcanons for illithid brain alteration but not evolving. Tav uses daggers and magic. Astarion is an Arcane Trickster Rogue. I created several npcs. Some Neverwinter lore is mentioned. Content Warnings: Tav suffering from depression / ptsd, self-neglect. This part contains implied sexual attempted assault. A/N: The first part is here: link I had fun writing part 2. Angstttt..

The plan used to be, to make no plan... For Astarion- Strategy had not been on his mind for 200 years up until he gained a palace and a title. He used to be a magistrate, sure- however.. The laws changed. He was learning the ropes again. Manipulating a few political allies and gaining some influence was easy in his position. Baldur’s gate believed him to be a benevolent contributor to the repairs of the city. In the six months of his reign behind the curtains, the city’s damage from the mind flayer invasion was but a stain in the back of everyone’s memory. Unlike Cazador, Astarion did not depend on fear. He preferred enticing and seducing his targets, but not with his body. With promises, promises he could fulfil. If you play tyrant for too long, people will want you gone. If you pretend to be a saint, people become complacent. Happy, they want you around. They will keep your secrets, and reveal their secrets, to be wielded like daggers. Ready and willing for a stab in the back. But no one has dared to leverage his, Astarion was too useful. Despite Jaheira’s distaste for him, her and her harper's caution did not warrant a fight. Astarion was too interested in making sure the city was safe, not just for him but for all the people who became dependent on him. And thus, Jaheira kept her mouth shut, tolerating his very damned existence.

He had sired a fair few, hundreds spawn in that time, many of which were servants, others who became his eyes and ears. As the ascendant, his blessing was more subtle, safe for a few differences… Not all spawn would gain red eyes, and while the majority could tolerate the sun just fine, that gift would fade should they leave the near vicinity of the mansion. Others suffered light sensitivity in the eyes, requiring them to wear masks or glasses to hide their vampirism. The fangs, the paler skin was all there, they could easily hide their nature and live off air, water and bread, threading borders and wading through water. The sun remained a tiny problem for the most part, but not for Astarion himself.

The mansion acted as an anchor point of this connection, even if Astarion left for a while, his connection to this place and the ritual location connected him to all his spawn in the city. The longer he stayed, the larger a permanent safety net became. As a result his spawn eagerly bounced around the city without much worry. 

There were rules of course, they were not to talk about their nature. They could not feed off strangers unless it was to kill off a problem permanently, someone who would not be missed. The bodies would have to be disposed of.

If anything, it felt peaceful. Astarion had his ambitions of course, as an immortal he had time enough to pan out his plans to make sure it would outlive any of his predecessors, as well as foes and friends alike.

The high from which he fell, the very jump that had pushed Tav away made him wary of the newly gained instincts. Desires, the need to covet power.. He would not let it control him again. It was a tool to be used warily. All his abilities were great, but he was not a god.

If he could rise to his position, someone could rise to a position to annihilate him if he made himself a big enough nuisance.

A portion of his instincts raged against the idea of staying sated, it wanted to be full. Being sated kept him going, he had no need to cause suffering. Yet. Suffering should have a purpose, yes? To indulge in those habits could make one thread dangerous waters. He had enough of the idea of walking through acid, still remembering his torture deeply.

All this thinking made him lonely.

Astarion looked to his throne in silence, listening to the sound of his servants moving things around and preparing their tools. He was not going alone to Neverwinter, and he could not leave his position without a caretaker in place.

Jaheira was not aware of it, but one of her harpers was his spawn. A recruit by the name of Alice. Alice was a rather small Tiefling girl, soft spoken and highly intelligent.

She made a bow as Astarion turned to her. ‘’I will be leaving for an undisclosed amount of time, I take it that you will continue your role as we discussed?’’

Alice nodded in response. ‘’I will report any noteworthy news.’’ Satisfied, Astarion dismissed her quickly, only for the next few servants to walk in. He revelled in the respect he received, trying not to show off how much he enjoyed their devotion and loyalty.

Two of the new faces were his personal bodyguards, the only two people he’d be bringing. Who’s to say Neverwinter didn’t have plenty of fresh people to make use of? He certainly preferred travelling light.. And in disguise. Both of the bodyguards were high elves, fraternal twin brothers. One rarely spoke, the other was tricky. His personality changed depending on who he was speaking to, as he used to be a theatre actor before taking this job. Vandelion and Tyselius. Vand and Ty for short.

They greeted with a salute and bow, the last person to talk to was standing behind them, waiting her turn. Astarion gestured for them to step aside so he could speak to his Chamberlain.

‘’Saralyn dear.’’ Astarion smiled at her, even though she avoided his gaze. Previously a human, Saralyn was one of his first spawn. ‘’You will manage business while I am away, is there anything you need before my departure?’’ 

‘’Nothing of note m’lord, my only request is for a bodyguard.’’

‘’Oh? Are you concerned about your safety? That is new.’’ Astarion’s brows lifted in surprise.

‘’It is simply the first time I am left in my position without your guidance and protection. I want to be sure to do my job well without risks.’’ Her speaking revealed no ill intent, only honesty.

‘’Very well, assign whomever you please from the dormitory as your personal guard.’’

‘’Thank you, my lord..’’

Enough formalities. His patience was wearing thin. Everything was done, preparations were made. They were leaving. Now.

Off to wherever Tav was, Neverwinter. What would he be doing in such a rich city? Living off trade? Did he pick up a job? Why would he push away Gale’s attempts to reach him?

If only that answer was so simple.

….

Neverwinter was vast, Volo called it the most civilised city in all of faerûn. Markets, shops, anything you could think of was sold here, if it was legal of course. There were enough things about this place that made you wonder if it was crime free. It certainly wasn’t.

Despite the cosmopolitan paradise, riches were still divided. Even if nobles were taxed heavily to share the wealth across the place, any rich civilisation invited division regardless.

You roamed the streets, catching sight of snowflakes as one landed on your nose.

Cold. It’s going to get cold.

Your clothes were worn, to the average pedestrian you looked like a beggar. To someone more prejudiced and worried for their life; you looked like a thief, or trouble.

The guard was aware of you, but never saw you act out any crimes. You would sit in public areas, watching folk pass by, wandering aimlessly until you were out of sight.

Like many times before, you took your pick. Using strange psychic abilities to displace items into your pockets. You would never aim for the better trinkets, just little things.. Like misplaced gold coins, or rusty coppers. Gold they can miss, a necklace? Maybe. If it looked like a family heirloom, you certainly avoided it. So far no one has reported their losses.

You only took what could easily be traded for food. During the nights, you would find a place to sleep on the docks, below a bridge, or an abandoned market stall.

Why are you here? One might wonder. There was no answer for it. You simply were here. 

As you nodded off, the cold was getting to you. A voice called out to wake your anxious body jerk right up. ‘’You poor sod.’’ It was a wintershield watchman, one you’ve met before. Never talked to, though. But his face was plain enough to remember. Remember.

‘’It’s certainly not the time of the year for you to sleep outside. I can’t stand it.’’ The man complained, you looked at him dully, wondering when he would leave you be, so you could sleep.

‘’How about I treat you to a night at the inn? Hmm?’’ His tone changed, but you couldn’t place with intentions. Your neck hairs stood up with caution. ‘’What’s your bargain, guard? I doubt you’d offer something so freely.’’ The man smirked in response.

‘’I’ll tell you, but first.. How about a warm meal?’’

The tavern was pretty empty, small. One quick look would make one assume it was not a popular establishment. Another one and you questioned the type of customers this place had. It wasn’t loud, but it felt.. Suspicious.

Your stomach disagreed with you, and you hungrily gorged on the dinner the man purchased for you. If not for the food, you would’ve noticed his obsessive staring. His eyes lingered on your dirtied face, picturing something.

‘’What is your name?’’ He asked, causing you to look up from your plate. ‘’..Why do you want to know?’’ Your eyes warily scanned the man. You did not trust him one bit, but you were so damn hungry. A part of you was ready to kill him if needed. You didn’t care if they threw you in jail.. At least you’d be somewhere inside. Hidden. ‘’Tav…My name is Tav..’’ 

Why you wanted to hide, you could not place. What were you hiding from? A headache?

No.. This food was too good. Just think about the food. Eat your heart out. Ignore this man.

Once finished, you watched the man pay for a room, he took you upstairs, guiding you inside. A warm bed was waiting for you, not the best.. But better than the stone floors of Neverwinter. Better than frostbite and cold feet.

Then.. The door lock made a loud sound behind you. The once too friendly guard grabbed you by the throat, slamming you onto the bed. Your vision quickly turns white, and before you know it, you’re covered in blood, drifting in the water by the docks, unsure what just happened.

Disoriented by the sudden displacement, you force yourself to swim back to the shore, fighting the nausea and coughing up from the cold. Shuddering.

There’s shouting, yelling in the distance. Fear. You wanted to run.. Did you kill the man? Did he drug you? The water already washed away any evidence. You search yourself for wounds but find none. Perhaps you did kill him, for one thing.. The dagger you hid below your shirt was missing. Your cloak was torn, making you believe there was a struggle and you got away.

You searched for the location of the fight in the distance. You could see the inn from where you stood. The roof was torn open, yet there were no signs of fire or explosion. Just a large hole, like a beast flew out. The guard certainly took notice, because you could see flashes of torches reaching the place.

Without much further thought, you jumped back in the water and swam to a different dock, to avoid leaving footsteps in the sand.

Once you reach the safety of the wooden planks, a fainting spell overtakes your body, but your stubborn reflexes refuse to let you pass out. Landing on your hands, you got right back up, jerking forward, eyes searching for the nearest hiding spot.

You notice the doors of a storage shed, likely used by the fishmongers. Once you got close enough, you halfway fell against the door, it opened just fine. Someone forgot to lock this place up it seems.

Exhausted, you drag yourself, crawling inside, hoping you aren’t bleeding and leaving no trail. It didn’t matter, even with the adrenaline, your body demanded sleep.

You face plant into the ground, unable to move. The fear kept you awake for a while, making you shake helplessly. Something awakened in your veins, a headache.. Then.. A quake. Some boxes fell, the sound of dead fish flopping over the floor was close .Afterwards, silence.

The silence was so deafening.

Morning came oh so rudely. A trail of light hits your wet face, you feel stiff. You hadn’t died of hypothermia, but you might soon.. Your instincts told you to get up and search for warmth.

The shed had many things, fish. Partially spoiled, some still fresh and preserved.

Firstly, you took boots that were laying around and happily discarded your old ones. For a moment, you looked at the scraps that previously covered your feet. The chunky old things had holes, and a strange familiarity. It made you sad as you stared. These boots must’ve been dear to you once, but you can’t fathom why it made your heart sink to toss them. Was it a family heirloom? No.. Maybe you’d just worn them for a very long time. It was nostalgia.

Some more searching and you found a few things they’d probably miss. A new bag you could slink around your waist, and a fresh shirt. It was old, smelled bad, and had a few patched holes, but it was good enough. A needle and thread later, and you repaired your cloak with some fabric you found.

Before leaving, you made sure to clean up the mess you made, hoping to hide your traces. A few fish they could miss as well, serving yourself some breakfast with a makeshift firebolt.

The docks were starting to become lively, not too crowded. You passed with ease back into the streets, returning to your usual habits. Wandering and taking things that could be missed. Your mind emptied itself of the events of last night. It happened, it passed.

 A thin layer of snow had started to cover the city landscape, greeting you bitterly.

Something about the season felt strange. As if you’d never seen snow before. Everything felt new, yet so strangely familiar. Images occasionally played in your head, showing the streets of a different city. It was confusing and disorienting at times, but you did not like the visions.

Something about the different city made you feel on edge. There was a vision of an explosion, fires. Bodies scattered among the rubble. Whatever that place was, you weren’t there anymore. You were here instead.

This morning, the usual charitable figures would approach you, not say a thing, but toss a few coins your way. They barely looked at you, feigning empathy, but truly they just pitied the sight of you. Hoping the money would be enough to make you leave.

One look at your reflection in the frozen fountain water spoke loudly. You were a mess. Your hair had grown longer, tangled, uncared for. Despite the fresh clothes, your face was covered in bruises and patches of dirt. You did not recognise your own face, vaguely recalling what it used to look like. Your eyes were dull, doll-like. Tired.

‘’Look at him. It reminds me of when this City had a Beggar’s Nest.’’ Gossip of two loud Elven nobles nearby took your attention, but you didn’t turn to face them.

‘’Hush! Enough of that. I don’t want to think about that damn volcano or the undead invasion again.’’ Afterwards, the couple huddled away quickly.

Your mind blanked. You are a beggar. That’s the closest to a sense of self you’ve gotten this past week. You’ve been here for at least a few months. Someone approached you with a letter a little while ago, but it made no sense to you. The place was vaguely described, and you did not know what any of it meant. The letter must’ve been misplaced, so you tossed it without much thought.

‘’You look like you could use some help.’’ Another voice. This time, it came from someone much smaller than you. A halfling woman, she looked at you with a bright smile. ‘’Want a job?’’ She offered. ‘’I’ve just opened a tavern nearby. Work for me.’’ The cheerfulness of the woman made you wary. ‘’I..I.. Don’t like taverns.’’ You stuttered. ‘’C’mon now lad.’’ She offered her hand. ‘’Let's get you warm, okay?’’ Something in you made you reach forward. She had this motherly feeling about her. Your height difference was a little awkward as she pulled you away from the public space as if you were a lost child.

All the way into her charming little building, she held your hand firmly, not tightly, but firm. She was strong, you could sense. Perhaps the woman had been an adventurer some time ago. All though it was more likely that you were skin and bones, you did not have much strength to go on with and last night reminded you of that.

‘’I am Jilvy Fogwater, This is my tavern! Do you have a name, dear?’’ The halfling woman spoke once you sat down. The tavern was definitely made for people of various heights. The woman grabbed a seat and climbed on top to meet you face to face. ‘’..Tav. It’s just Tav.’’

‘’Tav, hmm?’’ Jilvy cocked her head to the side. ‘’You seem so unsure..’’ She pondered, looking worried.

‘’No worries Tav! Let me take care of you from now on.’’ Her smile was warm and friendly. Something inside your empty head responded. Was that a sense of relief? You couldn’t tell.

Your emotions had been confusing for so long. The only things that made sense were your base instincts. Hide. Run. Steal. Eat. ‘’Okay..’’ You wanted to thank her, but you hesitated.

She nodded at your response in acknowledgement, turning around and pouring you a hot cup of tea from which you drank greedily.

‘’Usually the folks prefer beer at these kinds of establishments. I intend to serve breakfast and lunches without alcohol.’’ The woman continued to prattle on about her business venture. Something about healthier diets and battling addiction or whatever.

Your mind emptied as you eyed the wall. There were some pictures framed. Paintings. One of her family, probably. Another of a halfling child with a similar hair colour to you.

Perhaps this woman pitied you, or felt a need to heal from an old wound. You didn’t know, and you didn’t want to ask. Her motherly energy was difficult to ignore. You did not find it unwelcome, just odd. Everything was odd.

At the very least you didn’t feel lonely.

[that-student-that-has-homework]

You WILL Have my Herbs 03

Diluc / Reader

Previous Chapters: Chp 1 | Chp 2 | Chp 3 | Chp 4 | Chp 5 | Chp 6

Read the Full Story on Ao3 | Tumblr MasterList Here (Maybe even leave me a comment please? :3< )

Summary: Listen you just wanted to pick some plants, do some experiments, find some cures, and report back to your mentor. Unfortunately a handsome vigilante puts you in his debt and now you have to fight him to let you make it up to him.

Chapter 3: A Most Suspicious Shade of Blue

Your constant run-ins with Abyss Mages warranted surveillance.

Or at least that’s what The Knights of Favonius’ Cavalry Captain thought. If not to reveal if you were somehow involved with their plot, then for your own safety. 

To be fair to you, you’d not killed or poisoned any of the people you’d offered remedies to. He did get the sense that you were just another earnest researcher, and stubbornly generous in a way that was most peculiar. He hadn’t confirmed he’d wanted a bar of soap, but there had been one delivered to him, wrapped up neatly with his name on it, and a note stating you had more if the soap was agreeable with his skin. 

As innocent as you seemed though, there was a sharpness about you, and Kaeya was not the type to leave a stone unturned. Unfortunately, you’d rejected the pen he’d applied an elemental marker to, which would have given him a gist of your general activities. So he assigned a knight to keep an eye on you and report back on your activities. After all, you weren’t suspicious enough to warrant his personal supervision. Yet.

With you taken care of in a sense…the ever so diligent Cavalry Captain went to get a drink, in preparation for the incoming attack of course. Oh and to inform the intended target of the plot while he was at it.

“One Death in the Afternoon,” he called out to the familiar bartender as he slid onto one of the bar stools.

“Drinking on the job?” The bartender chastised without turning around. “This is what the Knights of Favonius do on duty? As inefficient as ever.”

“Not inefficient if you can hold your liquor my dear Diluc,” Kaeya responded smoothly as he surveyed the tavern, “fortunately I can hold mine.”

It was barren, not a patron in sight, just what the captain required. 

“I heard a most interesting piece of information,” he began, his singular eye scrutinizing the redhead as he poured him a drink that didn’t quite look like his order, “seems that some Abyss Mages are planning a series of attacks on Mondstadt,” the bartender slid him the glass, still not looking at the knight, “something about drawing out a Dark Knight Hero.”

“Well then, rather than talk to me, shouldn’t you be preparing to prevent these attacks?” The redhead scoffed.

“My so cold,” Kaeya smirked, his visible eye crinkling, “people would think you’re the one with a cryo vision.”

At that, the captain took a sip of the drink, noting its distinctly acidic taste. Cider, non -alcoholic cider. Definitely not his order. He let out a little chuckle and surveyed the counter: no bottles were within reach, how unfortunate.

“I just thought I’d let you know,” he resigned himself to his non-alcoholic drink and took a long sip of the apple cider instead, “in case you weren’t already aware.”

He received a grunt in response as the redhead continued to tidy his workspace. With a sigh, the cryo user took another sip of his drink, remembering another thing he was mildly curious about.

“I heard a report a while back about an Abyss Mage attacking a visitor to Mondstadt,” he trained his blue eye at his suspect, “apparently someone using a pyro vision saved her and fled into the darkness of the night,” the suspect in question continued to organize and prepare for when the busier hours came around, “that wouldn’t have been you, would it?”

Diluc let out a tired exhale, “the knights couldn’t even save one visitor to Mondstadt?” He scoffed. “As ineffcient as ever.”

“There’s no need to hide it from me Diluc,” the blue haired man took another sip of his cider, “We both know you’re the famed Dark Knight Hero.”

“Why do you ask?”

“Curiosity.”

He heard a tired exhale from his sworn-brother then. Well the answer he’d given was enough. It also corroborated your story. You really had been jumpy due to the attack then. He didn’t really doubt it much after having gotten to know you a little, but it was still nice to confirm that you really hadn’t been lying.

If he were to be honest, the Cavalry Captain was really hoping you weren’t . You were strange, no doubt, but that made you very amusing. He’d rather not have to eliminate you.

The downside to all this, was that you were onto Diluc’s secret identity. That’s quite impressive, given how of all of Monstadt’s citizens, he was the only one who figured it out. Then again, most of her citizens were drunk, whereas you were adamantly sober, perhaps that factored in?

With his curiosity satiated, the captain downed the rest of his drink, paid the bartender what he owed and got up to leave.

Finally managing to make eye contact with his conversation partner, Kaeya was about to bid him farewell when the redhead beat him to it.

“Thanks,” Diluc said, maintaining eye contact, as he accepted the mora. 

“Take care, Diluc,” the captain cast the man a small smile, before turning and heading out.

Feeling oddly refreshed, the captain decided to make a round about Mondstadt proper, check in with the knights and see if he could sniff out any suspicious activities. It’s unfortunate that they hadn’t sniffed out these activities prior to getting the intel. Then again, with Diluc going around eliminating the mages it would be difficult to detect them.

Kaeya was on his way to investigate the shoreline just outside the city walls when he came about a peculiar scene.

The knight he’d assigned you was truly lucky that you were rather herb obsessed. His mediocre surveillance skills aside, this guy had no idea how to think fast on his feet. Hilariously, Kaeya had arrived just in time to witness the knight being caught by you. My, and it hadn’t even been a day of surveillance yet. Though it had only been a matter of time with that knight’s skills, or lack-thereof, really. 

You seemed stunned by the presence of this knight, pausing, as though you’d been frozen by cryo, to stare at your observer. As you usually did, you put on a friendly smile and asked how you could be of help. To which his little spy locked up and stuttered and truly gave himself away. 

Or he would have, had you not seemingly assumed that the knight was just stunned by your behaviour and was struggling to articulate his thoughts. Kaeya would say you weren’t off with that assumption. You were, holding on to a tree branch with your legs obviously trying not to fall and break your neck, after all.

The knight seemed to finally regain his bearings enough to attempt to help you. Which involved him holding your knapsack as you refused to be touched for whatever reason. Then again with where the knight’s hands were going he could understand why. Regardless, you managed to get your arms back onto the branch through what seemed like sheer willpower, and hug it, looking much like a sloth, before righting yourself with less effort. Not long after you scrambled down the tree to retrieve your precious bag, and reissue your offer, however right side up this time. 

With some coaxing from you, the knight chose a random ailment, and you had some remedy for it. He took it sheepishly and wisely chose to walk away.

At this point Kaeya could have been able to conclude that you were truly innocent, after all you hadn’t suspected the knight in the slightest. But at the same time, you’d been a spectacle, to put it mildly, and so it only made sense that a knight would “approach” you, and therefore be in your vicinity. 

You were truly a peculiar character. That weird mix of clueless and vigilant: you were obviously perceptive enough to know to avoid being indebted to him, yet rather clueless about most matters that did not involve your beloved herbs.

Your peculiarity increased with time. The assault on Mondstadt began, and after an attack you would go and study the aftermath of the skirmish. You would then look around to make sure you hadn’t been caught, before scurrying off and doing things with your plants. That was the report that Kaeya had received the first time you’d done that. That same evening he received word from Lisa over drinks that you’d provided the Knights with a pot full of salve that treated burns.

This behavior persisted. The Mages would attack, you’d inspect the aftermath and provide a solution. There weren’t too many casualties, given the more difficult enemies were being decimated by Diluc in the shadows. Kaeya was also doing some secret work to subtly assist his brother-hopefully without his detection.

It was as things were starting to stretch on that Kaeya’s spy came back with another observation. He hadn’t thought it too odd to begin with, however after delivering remedies to the knights you would head to the Dawn Winery. You went there consistently every two or three days. He was embarrassed to admit it, but he’d even missed you one time you’d done so as you’d left just as the sun began to rise. Even worse, he hadn’t realized you were gone until you’d come back.

The captain folded his fingers into each other and rested his chin atop them, humming to himself a bit. “When is her next trip to Dawn Winery?” He asked coolly.

“In two or three days sir,” he reported dutifully, “she returned just this afternoon after spending the night in Springvale.”

“Springvale?” He raised his visible eyebrow.

“There was a flu going about, she provided aid,” he paused before adding, “free of charge.”

Kaeya leaned back in his seat with an amused huff. That was very consistent with his own observations.

“How does she manage to continue affording to eat?” He mused to himself.

“Actually she was recently asking about ways to earn mora,” his spy supplied, “respectfully sir, I don’t think she’s a threat.”

Kaeya chuckled. Truthfully he didn’t either. At this point you were more a source of entertainment for him through the mundanity of his duties. The captain sat up again.

If he let this knight continue with his surveillance you may unwittingly expose the redhead. That wouldn’t do anyone any good. And it wouldn’t even be your fault really, it would be his . Unless of course that was your plan all along. But again, you were now under surveillance for his own amusement, nothing else. 

“Agreed,” he finally responded to the knight, “from tomorrow onwards, we are ending our surveillance of the apothecary. You are to resume your previous post. ”

“Yes sir!” He saluted, however didn’t make a move to leave.

“If that’s all then you’re dismissed,” the captain waved. 

“Actually sir, one last thing,” Kaeya nodded at his temporary subordinate for him to continue, “she recently purchased a basic polearm from Wagner. Which was strange.”

Kaeya snorted, “that’s a good choice for an absolute novice,” he propped his feet up on his desk then, “dismissed.”

With that the knight took his leave.

Kaeya wasn’t about to lie: it was curious that you headed to Dawn Winery so frequently. Had you managed to convince Diluc to accept your aid? It wasn’t entirely out of the realm of possibility, just highly unlikely given he didn’t really know you. Anyway, he kept an eye on you, and only on the third day since he relieved the spy of duty, did you finally head out to the winery.

The cavalry captain made a few observations:

Your backpack seemed lighter than he’d have expected it to be.

You could not resist plucking every stray and random piece of grass that met your fancy.

You actively avoided monster camps of any kind.

You were a fast runner. You bolted from the slimes that had emerged from nowhere like your life depended on it. To be fair it probably did.

You got along well with Adelinde.

Yes when you arrived at the winery, she’d been outside enjoying a quick cup of tea, and had set the cup down to whisk you into a brief hug. You’d then swung your backpack off of your shoulders, and began to rummage through it. Huh-it looked notably fuller than it did throughout your journey.

Kaeya noticed you pulling out some more soap-ah could Adelinde be the kind lady you’d mentioned that one time? Among a few other things that seemed specifically for her. Kaeya was beginning to wonder if your trips were exclusively for the maid when Diluc’s butler appeared and led you around behind the building.

The two of you talked briefly. You took notes as the older man spoke. At some point you startled and seemed worried, while he seemed sheepish. You relaxed not long after though, and began to pull out all manner of things. As well as what looked to be a book.

Kaeya watched you most likely explain what some of the items you’d produced were for and how to use them. Seemed some of the others were already familiar to him as he nodded in recognition at some products. It seemed like you were gearing up to leave when the man seemed to ask you to wait before heading into the winery in a rush. He re-emerges shortly after with containers similar to the ones you’d just given him. Kaeya speculated that they were likely yours and had contained the first batch of ointment or what not.

With a final goodbye to the butler, you were off. He noticed that you headed to Springvale instead of returning to Mondstadt. He’d confirmed what he’d wanted to confirm though, so he instead continued on his way to Mondstadt.

A drink was in order, and he was pleased to find just the bartender he wanted to see, tending the bar. He’d almost expect someone who was relentlessly going after and obliterating scores of monsters to look worse for wear, however Diluc didn’t have the usual signs of fatigue on him. Well at least not physically. It’s still draining to be on high alert. 

The captain ordered his usual, and this time he actually got what he asked for. He also noticed how Diluc was radiating a rather familiar, though unique scent. It almost smelled like a product he owned too. Like a product he’d been gifted.

He smirked up at the bartender, “nice to see you’ve been taking care of yourself.”

A quizzical raise of the brow was what he received in response. 

Seemed the great Dark Knight Hero was too busy saving Mond to realize where his soap, and potentially many other ointments, were coming from.

Not long after he’d stopped surveillance of you, the Knights received another tip. Jean said that there was an unnatural increase in illnesses and strange ailments in Springvale, and that she would be sending out a reconnaissance team to investigate the area.

That tip was obviously from you. He wasn’t part of the recon team, and Eula had told him as much when she saw him there. However that didn’t deter him in the slightest as he sought you out.

“Sir Kaeya!” You greeted when you saw him. “How are you?”

“I’m well. And yourself?” He returned with ease.

“I‘m well,” you chirped though not seeming to have your usual energy, “I am concerned about the villagers here though.”

“I assume that’s why you reported it to the knights?” He offered you a practiced smile.

Your brow furrowed at that. Then you shrugged, “I suppose Master Jean could have told you,” you paused and cast your sceptical gaze back at him, “how did you know it was me though?”

He smirked then, “let’s say I had a hunch.”

Your expression told him you didn’t believe him in the slightest. Or at least that you knew that wasn’t the whole truth. However before he could let you dwell on that he began his interrogation. 

“What are these strange ailments you spoke of?”

You paused. “Very dark mucus, it looks like tar,” you started before shaking your head and correcting yourself, “when the villagers cough, they cough violently, and, well, actually let me start from the beginning,” you took a breath. 

“Villagers develop coughs out of seemingly nowhere. And when they have severe coughing fits where they hack up mucus that’s black in color-for the record it’s usually translucent when healthy or yellow-ish or green-ish when ill,” you pause before, “and sometimes the severity of the cough causes enough strain that they cough up blood. They also have a severe chest pain.”

“That does sound troubling,” Kaeya’s face scrunched up.

“It is. Extremely,” you agreed, “there’s also a case of severe fatigue, and some people’s limbs seem to have a faint bluish tint. I was concerned it could be poor circulation but it doesn’t seem to be the case.”

After a slight pause you continued, “also people seem to simply have the life sucked out of them. Pure emotional fatigue, a sense of emptiness, even in children that were quite literally full of life and aspirations just the day before.” 

Kaeya was quiet as he considered things. You continued, “I also heard complaints from the hunters and farmers here, seems there’s something odd happening to nearby flora and fauna. They have to go farther out to hunt? The ground seems to be sucked dry of its nutrients. According to them that’s unusual.”

“I suppose I’ll just have to ask them about that then,” he let out a sigh, “thank you for your cooperation.”

“No problem. Well actually there is a problem, uh you’re welcome?” You returned.

Kaeya let out a huff of amusement and left you to your own devices. Which involved helping with the ailing citizens. He went ahead and asked Draff to confirm what you’d informed him of, and while the hunter was complaining, a farm lady came by and also complained. She produced a familiar white branch, and everything clicked into place. Kind of.

Seems the Abyss Order was behind this madness. Which meant if they could handle this issue they may be able to nip their: ”assault on Mondstadt issue” in the bud. 

Though he usually acted independently, Kaeya did want to get things done here quickly, hearing children were being sucked dry of their ambitions left a bitter taste in his mouth. 

He convened with Eula, gave her what intel he had and received what she’d gathered. Kaeya then took this intel back to Mondstadt to share with Lisa. The trusty librarian could go through the restricted books and possibly come up with an answer.

She did not disappoint. A day or two later, she’d concluded that there was likely a domain nearby teeming with Abyssal energy. It could possibly be polluting and potentially even invading the environment near Springvale. Which would explain the peculiarity of the ailments. The information was relayed back to Eula and a domain was indeed discovered.

Though by the time the Knights had geared up to go in, it had already been cleared out. 

Kaeya didn’t see Diluc for another week after that. 

Pity, he needed to talk to him about what he saw in there. Though from what he observed, it seemed like there was a high concentration of Abyss Mages. An alarming amount really, which could explain why Springvale seemed to suffer as well. It was a wonder how Diluc even managed to go in there alone and escape-he did defeat them and make it out alive right?

It turns out that the fiery ex-Knight did in fact make it out. However he was not uninjured. The fact came to him in the most amusing manner. Jean had mentioned that your remedies were being brought to Mondstadt alongside the Dawn Winery’s famed dandelion wine. It was rather curious, however it made sense if you were assisting with curing the villagers.

However you were not in Springvale. 

He was rather fortunate that one of the knights they’d temporarily stationed in Springvale happened to be the one he’d assigned to watch over you. Given he was sensitive to your movements, he informed Kaeya that you’d disappeared around the time the knights discovered the domain was cleared out, and only returned four days later, even then you didn’t remain long and disappeared for another day.

He was mildly suspicious that you knew the identity of who cleared the domain. That part was troubling. The captain told him not to worry and that you probably were likely scouring the land for herbs to use for remedies.

That wasn’t a complete lie.

After all you clearly had been aggressively foraging if what he found was any indication.

A trip to the winery and a little bit of scouting revealed that you’d set up a camp far enough from the winery to not be immediately detected, but close enough that you could be summoned in case of an emergency.

You looked worse for wear.  Absolutely horrible if Kaeya was to be completely, unabashedly honest. With how you were stirring a strange bubbling concoction in your haggard state, you looked as ominous as an Abyss Mage. It was clear you were running yourself ragged, and while the location you chose was relatively safe, the wilderness could be unforgiving.

You had pots and jugs of all shapes and sizes that you were filling with remedies. As the day went on he was fortunate enough to observe you meeting with Adelinde twice and Diluc’s personal butler twice as well. 

Adelinde’s first meeting seemed to stress you, you had immediately scrambled for something and handed it to her with what he assumed were some instructions. Upon her departure you’d refocused your efforts according to whatever she’d said, pulling out another cauldron-not without difficulty though-to brew something else. When she returned later, very little tension left you and you only offered her more salves and instructions.

Kaeya could only assume whatever you and Adelinde were discussing had something to do with Diluc. Because when the butler came around, he had a bunch of weeds and he received the larger pots of salve. Meaning he likely handled the transport of remedies to Springvale and Mondstadt. 

Perhaps he ought to pay the Winery a visit the following day? After all, he really did want to go to check up on his dear, reckless brother.

For now he would amuse himself with watching you slave over all these remedies. What was particularly amusing was when you finally sat down, barely munched on an apple and then fell asleep holding it.

-_-

The following day the cavalry captain got a greeting as warm as his vision. His estranged brother did not seem particularly thrilled to see him. Amusingly enough, the redhead looked to be in a better condition than you did, despite the multitude of bandages and stitches he could see poking out from under his loose blouse.

“Why it’s great to see you too, brother ,” Kaeya’s smile was polite, “you can’t imagine how relieved I am that you’re alright.”

The winery owner shot him a displeased frown. Despite his tone, Kaeya was genuinely happy to see him doing relatively well. If he were to be completely honest with himself, he’d admit that this newfound lightness he was experiencing was relief at his brother’s wellbeing. Why, the man was already in his study attending to every manner of task, meaning he was very well indeed.

“Though I can’t help but wonder what it is that could have injured you so much?” He obviously eyed the variety of bandages. “Did your glider perhaps not deploy properly?”

Diluc let out a frustrated sigh, “state your business Kaeya.”

“I’m just here to check up on my reckless brother,” the captain kept his tone light, innocent.

“I wouldn’t have to be so reckless if the Knights of Favonius were not so inefficient .”

“What was in that domain?” The Knight asked finally. “What have you learned?”

Red met blue in a stare-off that would only delay the inevitable. 

Kaeya smirked, “come now Diluc you can’t complain of the knights’ inefficiency and then not share information that could potentially remedy that issue.”

The former knight let out an unamused snort. Before closing his eyes and letting out a tired sigh, “perhaps had the knights been more efficient they would have acquired the information they needed themselves .”

“We already know the domain was teeming with Abyss Mages,” the cavalry captain shrugged, “there had to have been some Pyro Abyss Mages. So how did you manage to make it out without being more severely injured?”

The redhead wasn’t looking at him. Rather he seemed intent on setting a paper on his desk ablaze with the intensity of his glare alone.

“Is that all?” He asked as he met Kaeya’s gaze again.

“The traveler was last sighted in Inazuma,” Kaeya folded his arms across his chest, “so your usual assistant in these situations was most likely not present, unless you have information proving otherwise?”

The silence persisted.

“Diluc I’m sure you’re aware that in your current state providing Jean and I with the information you have is necessary to protecting Mondstadt,” the captain narrowed his single eye at his brother.

The man seemed to consider his words a moment, before letting out an exhale and leaning onto his elbows on his desk, “they had amassed their troops within the domain.”

“How many of their forces did you take down before you had to retreat?”

“To my knowledge, all of them, however there could be more coming,” he responded levelly, “that was only one domain.”

“There, now was that so hard?” Kaeya cooed-he wasn’t about to reveal his surprise, they’d estimated at least ten Abyss Mages if not more than that.

The glare he received was extremely displeased. That was all the information he’d be getting for the day it seemed. He was about to excuse himself, however the lovely Adelinde came in bearing a freshly brewed tea for the two of them.

Seeing Diluc’s exasperation, he simply couldn’t help but stay. The captain took a seat in one of the chairs in the room, and happily accepted a cup when the familiar maid offered him one. It was a strange blend, it smelled divine and was as invigorating as its scent. Perhaps this was one of the blends you provided?

Finishing up his cup, Kaeya rose to his full height again. 

“Please tell me you’re compensating the person offering you such… herbal blends?” He grinned.

Ah. By Dilu’s expression, he’d clearly had his suspicions about the source of his treatments. The slippery captain didn’t give him time to respond.

“Good day Diluc,” he opened the door of the study, “I wish you a speedy full recovery.”

With that he was gone. The captain spared you an undetected glance and hurried back to Springvale to investigate the domain again.

This time, he managed to unearth yet another interesting piece of the puzzle.

[fancifulplaguerat]

I am going to continue being a fervent Daniil apologist because I’ve always been bothered by the Bachelor Ending, because Daniil isn’t even present for it. The Utopian Ending reads as the triumph of the Kains, and Maria in particular, which I’m sure the Kains intended. I particularly want to focus on the Kains treating Daniil as their heir; the Kains seemingly knew there was calamity on the horizon, one that would threaten the Polyhedron, and so needed someone to preserve their life’s work and legacy. 

This is first suggested in the Bachelor Route, when Victor tells Daniil “The cause of Simon’s death is much too significant. It seems we are on the brink of a realization that will be a death warrant to all of us—and, more importantly, to our life’s work. Georgiy wants to exhaust all possibilities of finding proof that he is mistaken.” This line is mirrored by Georgiy in the Changeling Route, when she can ask him about Simon’s murder. Abridged dialogue: 

> Why are you afraid they'd escape? *

Georgiy Kain: ... No human being could have killed Simon. He was killed by a creature of supernatural powers.

> And you want to know what the creature looks like? *

Georgiy Kain: ... No. I want to know what power it wields [...] I will try to keep believing that his death was an accident. For as long as I can keep this belief alive, I'll be able to strive for our creation to flourish as it always did.

Victor and Georgiy imply that Simon’s death/the plague pose a threat to the Polyhedron, while Maria confirms that the Kains anticipated disaster: “Plague... and to think that all those years we were expecting an earthquake...”  

Daniil was a perfect choice for the Kains; his idealism and desire to push the bounds of possibility would draw him to the Polyhedron, and he was in a vulnerable position when he arrived—he essentially depended on them, as he needed Simon to protect his life’s work and presumably save his colleagues from persecution. The Kains are well-aware of this, as Georgiy says that the Kains are “well acquainted with your scholarly work. We are also quite aware of the difficulties you are experiencing and well-prepared to do our utmost to support you.” The Kains know what’s at stake for Daniil, so it seems purposeful that Georgiy rubs salt in the wound about how Simon’s murder was connected to Daniil’s arrival; that it was a message intended just for him, and only Daniil can bring Simon’s murderer to justice. But that ‘only you can help us’ sentiment doesn’t seem spurred-on by Simon’s “murder,” as Victor tells Daniil, “We put too many hopes in your arrival. The echo of these hopes has lead [Georgiy] to offer you a rather intricate conundrum to solve.” To me, this implies that the Kains wanted Daniil to solve Simon’s murder because of their previous expectations for him. I think those aforementioned hopes were that Daniil would preserve their legacy, which is first suggested on Day 3: 

Stanislav Rubin: What kind of relationship you have with the Kains, colleague?

> Friendly, I would say.

> I'd say our relationship is rather tense. *

Stanislav Rubin: Is that so? They don't seem to know anything about it. Both Georgiy and Victor speak of you with sympathy and respect. I was told they treat you like a friend; a brother; a son... Some people go as far as to say they will make you heir to their family!

And lo and behold, on Day 9 Victor asks, “Would you be willing to watch over... no, not over us, but over the garden which we have spent all our lives growing?” Even more damning, when on Day 10, Simonified Georgiy says, “Yes, you are exactly as I imagined. My boy, when Isidor described you to me... I knew that this is the way I would like my heir to be.” It might just be the translation (my Russian is not nuanced enough to check the original) but that switch between past and present feels intentional. If Simon had said “...that this was,” his statement would be more I would want an heir like you, whereas the present tense implies that Simon chose him as an heir. Grammar aside, the line still seems like an admission from Simon that he intended Daniil is be his heir and protect the Kains’ legacy; likely because they knew the Polyhedron was at risk and that their number was up (Maria says that only Kaspar will survive the next decade). So perhaps when Isidor came to Simon asking him to help this doctor hellbent on beating death, Simon decided Daniil was The One.  

The point of this tirade was once again because I’m distraught over Daniil D Dankovsky and his gauntlet of misery. While I don’t think Clara or Artemy necessarily have “better” endings, their ends at least feel like theirs. And what if I cried and screamed and threw up because Daniil, the healer most deprived of agency, is the most upset about being a doll. I know his and Artemy’s dialogues about this are identical to a point but where they diverge, Artemy says it doesn’t matter, but Daniil insists “Well, it matters to me!” (and oh. do I have thoughts about that.) This is why I love Daniil choosing the Termite ending, as it’s a definitive choice he can make that doesn’t play into the Kains’ hands. If Daniil destroys the Polyhedron, he gets to strike back against inevitability, what he spent all his life striving to do, and that fells like a well-deserved if meagre victory for him 

[i-just-needed-a-place-to-ramble]

Okay I have to say that it bothers me immensely how this fandom treats the Donnie’s Gifts episode.

Specifically the shock collar.

I know, I know, it’s an incredibly old topic that’s like poking a sleeping bear to bring up again, but if you may feel the same I do, then hear me out.

On one side, we have people who see it as Donnie being deliberately cruel and actively wishing to control his brother through force if need be.

On the other side, we have people who see it as something good, and poor Donnie didn’t mean to hurt Leo! He didn’t mean for his gift to cause harm! He just wanted to create something to make Leo focus more, he just doesn’t understand that what he did was bad! But it’s okay because he doesn’t get it!

Both these readings suck, in my opinion, though one I see more often than the other.

Now, I love Donnie, I do, he’s so, so fun and interesting and a fantastic character…but the shock collar was an incredibly messed up thing to make. Obviously, he loves his brothers, and he just wanted the best for them, but it was still an objectively awful thing to do to your brother. (Don’t get me wrong, Mikey and Raph’s gifts were also not great, but let’s focus on the collar.)

See, making a collar like that, and having your brother wear it, knowing what it does…that’s not a good thing. It doesn’t matter that he didn’t get to explain it first. It doesn’t matter if it was meant to help Leo in the long run. That ‘help’ is forcing Leo to endure painful shocks until he’s conditioned to, what, pay attention? (And that’s a funny thought, considering it was the shocks that distracted him in the first place.)

Good intentions don’t automatically make things okay.

There’s also an admittedly ableist tone to the reading of Donnie simply being let off the hook because he “doesn’t understand why it’s bad.” That’s- that’s so infantilizing. Donnie is more than capable of knowing when he messes up! And he did mess up here! I hate when people use his autism as an excuse, it feels so ableist to me. Just let him own up to it and apologize! He’s not a bad guy, and it’s okay for characters to mess up! So long as they own up to it! Donnie’s a person too, and he has flaws, let him own them, please.

However, this is not to say that Donnie is evil or abusive for doing this, not at all. While he should not be absolved of guilt, he clearly isn’t intending for his gifts to come off the way they had, and he clearly made them out of concern for his brothers. It’s understandable that he would go about it the wrong way - it’s just not okay that he did. And what he did warrants an apology to the others, especially Leo, even if they themselves shook it off.

So, yeah. The shock collar is incredibly messed up. It was painful enough to affect Meat Sweats- and Leo had it around his neck. It’s a comedy, so I know we gotta take these things with a grain of salt, but whenever I see this episode tackled in a more serious way, it almost always either 1) makes Donnie out to be the Worst, as though we aren’t constantly shown him caring immensely for his brothers, or 2), admittedly more prevalently and annoyingly, it chooses to focus on how sad and misunderstood Donnie is, rather than the very real harm he caused. Like. LEO IS THE ONE WHO HAD A SHOCK COLLAR ON HIM. Put there by HIS OWN BROTHER. And no one cares about that??? Leo’s pain is dismissed??? Donnie’s feelings matter more??? What????

I think that’s what gets me most here, honestly. Not that Donnie is presented as evil, or innocent, but that Leo’s experience doesn’t matter in comparison to Donnie’s reactions to it. It leaves a horrible taste in my mouth to see time and time again.

Again. It doesn’t matter what the intentions were. It also doesn’t automatically make Donnie abusive or evil.

But it was a shock collar, made to hurt, made to correct, and if you look at it outside of the comedic lens it was established in…it’s not okay.

Donnie’s not a bad person, and he’s actually a pretty great brother, a hero in his own right…but he really messed up here.

And that’s okay to admit.

[quickdeaths]

@more-than-a-princess

With the person she was intending to meet running late, Shinobu sat upon the bench at the train station, waiting. Too often did loitering in a public place seem to others as an invitation to approach her with confessions or date requests, so looking occupied was a (mostly ineffective) attempt to stave off such behavior. In this instance, they held their phone in their hands, trying to determine what sort of message might be appropriate for the situation at hand. For now, at least, she recognized the importance of composing the message in full before ever typing, rather than subject the recipient to the endless triple dots should she happen to be looking.

[Yaguchi]: Miss Nevermind, I wanted to express my appreciation for the chocolates you sent me the other day. They were both thoughtful and delicious. [Yaguchi]: I regret that I couldn't see you on the day in question, but as you may have heard, there was a certain unpleasant incident that kept me rather occupied well into the evening. [Yaguchi]: I'd hoped to see you and convey my appreciation in person later, but it seems it's been quite the busy week for both of us. [Yaguchi]: Ideally, I'll be able to meet with you and Anzu later tonight, but in the event that it's impossible for me to do so, I wanted to speak with you before the distance between then and now became too great, and I appeared ungrateful. [Yaguchi]: In any event, I wish you and Anzu a pleasant evening.

The message was regrettably long, but there wasn't much Shinobu could do about it. There were enough things that warranted mentioning that it simply required a series of messages. Still, even after saying that much, Shinobu wondered if there was yet more to say. "Shinobu-san!" The introspective moment was broken by the sound of a familiar voice. It seemed there would be no time for further messaging, with Shinobu looking up from her phone to see the person she was meeting disembarking from the train. "I hope you weren't waiting for me long. Are you ready to go?"

"Girls' night!" Anzu declared with a small laugh, walking behind her new friend with a cheery, carefree expression. "I'm glad we could do this, Sonia-san. It's gonna be so much fun!" With the majority of her friend group being 'old people who worked at the theater' and 'Shinobu-chan exactly,' it wasn't like there were many people who would come with her to a host club, or really anywhere she liked to go. She really enjoyed the nightlife, and while there was a limit to the kind of messy fun she could get into when accompanied by Sonia, whose reputation was important enough to be worth protecting, it was still nice to have a friend around.

As they approached the club, Anzu pointed out the sign, a large, fancy, silver banner over the entrance that read SHOOTING STARS in English, with NAGAREBOSHI in smaller kanji between the two words. A moderately classy display beside the door featured the establishment's social media accounts, testimonials from local entertainment figures (including, perhaps, a certain Kohaku Goto XII herself) and headshots of the most popular hosts. It was the photographs in particular that most drew Anzu's attention.

"That's one of our classmates in 77-B," she explained, pointing to the only woman among the hosts, a handsome girl with short blue hair and a classy vest over a short-sleeved button-up shirt. "Rui-kun! She's the Ultimate Host." How exactly an underage girl had won that title two years ago, Anzu wasn't sure, and wasn't going to question. In a lot of cases, HPA students were just that exceptional, to the point where normal rules didn't seem to apply to them. Or maybe it was the case that rather than the 'talent' that everyone talked so much about, the core of being a Hope's Peak Academy student was more about 'going so far as to accept no obstacles in the way of one's dreams.' Or not. Anzu wasn't smart enough to think about those kinds of questions.

"She and Shinobu-chan don't really get along, but she's not a bad person," Anzu explained, taking one last look towards the display before leading her friend into the club. Shinobu didn't get along with most people, so Anzu didn't necessarily think of it as a disqualifying factor. The club's interior was cleaner and more presentable than many others of its kind, not that Sonia might have much to compare it to. Rather than the neon pinks or sultry reds of a lot of clubs, Shooting Stars kept a comfortably mellow blue aesthetic, paired with classy blacks and clean whites. Comfortable plush booths surrounded small, round tables that nearly sparkled, the ceilings dotted with perhaps too many chandeliers. A presently-unused stage sat in the back of club, and at this early hour, only a few seats were filled with women in dresses or businesswear, some looking like they may have come straight from the office. The working men, similarly, presented a fairly unified image - nice clothes, trendy haircuts, far more jewelry than most men.

Standing at the front of house was an older man by the standards of the district, likely around 30, with glasses, a dark suit, white gloves, dark hair pulled back into a short ponytail. "Welcome, treasured guests, to Shooting Stars," he said with a smile and a polite nod, first to Sonia, then to Anzu. "Anzu-san, it's been too long. Thank you for thinking of us, and bringing a friend." Anzu nodded, beaming. "Hey, Monsieur. I have an appointment tonight, with Rui-kun." At that, the man's smile faltered only a bit. "Ah... I'm afraid your prince is in another castle." That the actress showed no reaction to the reference seemed to dampen his spirits. "Er... Rui-san is, unfortunately, out tonight." He leaned in, speaking more quietly. "Her younger siblings are ill, and she seemed concerned about them. I sent her home, rather than have her worry all night."

Anzu frowned. "Oh... Well, I guess that's a good reason." The man straightened back up. "I'm sorry for you and your friend to have come all this way, but if you'd like to stay, I'm happy to offer you a small discount?" He motioned towards one of the nicer-looking open booths. "If the two of you would like to take a seat, I'll join you in a moment to figure out what we can do for you instead." Disappointed though she was at Rui not being there, Anzu nodded. "Alright. Thanks, Monsieur." Leading Sonia towards the offered booth, she sighed. "Sorry, Sonia-san. I wanted you to meet Rui-kun, but I guess she's not here tonight. Did you think any of the guys on the display were especially hotsexy?"

[resurrection-of-soul]

Flashback | BIOHAZARD 8

Writer: Akira (日日日)

Characters: Keito, Kaoru, Koga, Rei

Rei: (Ughhh… No way~ My former self is so embarrassing~) (What're you acting so cocky for? Be more honest!)

[ For the best viewing experience, please read directly on my blog! ♪ ]

Time: Minutes later.

Location: Inside the underground live house's karaoke room.

Keito: What is this place?

Kaoru: What do you mean, what? It's karaoke, y'know? Karaoke. Mr. Honor Student, are you seriously so "all work, no play" that you've never been to a place like this?

Keito: No, even I know what karaoke is. What I'm asking is, why is there a place like this in the back room of a live music house?

Kaoru: My household's pretty strict in various ways, y'know? So I was like, let's give expanding the business a go~ I had soundproof practice rooms with full-scale professional equipment installed back here, but it totally flopped with the customers.

Koga: Hmph. 'Course it ended up like that. Yumenosaki students should be way more interested in a facility like that than anyone else, but none a' those assholes have any interest in makin' music at all.

Kaoru: Yup. That's why I decided to repurpose this practice room as a karaoke room, making it more accessible to the general public. It's a new feature at our store~

Koga: (Oh yeah, I remember this.)

Kaoru: (I totally put my blood, sweat, and tears into managing that business, y'know? I worked real hard to learn aaall sorts of things...) (But towards the end, we became like an emergency shelter for those who couldn't fit in at Yumenosaki, and those kids actually made use of the practice rooms for their intended purpose.) (So even though I went through all the trouble of renovating this room into a karaoke room, it wasn't long before I ended up having to put it back the way it was. We didn't have enough practice rooms, y'know?)

Kaoru: (Ahh, this is so nostalgic... I really did give it my all, huh.)

Koga: (You shoulda spared some a' that energy for your studies n' idol activities. I pretty much never saw you at school back then.)

Kaoru: (Well, y'know~ I was like, totally not into that kinda stuff at the time ♪)

Kaoru: Hmm~? This is like, super weird?

Keito: What is it? Did you find something suspicious?

Kaoru: Nah, more like the opposite. Sakuma-san was supposed to be waiting for us here, but I can't find him.

Keito: …Sakuma-san came personally? Just what does he want from me after all this time?

Koga: Oh, oh! I'm gonna get to see Sakuma-senpai! Woohoo, I've been waitin' for this! ☆

Koga: (…God, I was such a die-hard fanboy back then, it's seriously embarrassin'.)

Kaoru: (You can still be pretty embarrassing about him nowadays, y'know~?)

Rei: Heeey. Kept you waitin', huh. My bad… I got caught by a scary guy, y'see~ I had to explain all sortsa stuff to get 'im off my back, but it ate up a lotta time. Man, it sure is rough bein' popular.

Keito: …...

Rei: Wow, you actually came, bouzu¹. What a law-abidin' citizen you are.

Keito: Bastard, you're the one who called me out here.

Rei: That's true, but… You've sure got some guts, showin' up in front of me again just like that. Aren't you embarassed? The other day, I thrashed you so soundly you'll never recover~ ♪

Keito: …...

Rei: (Ughhh… No way~ My former self is so embarrassing~)

Rei: (What're you acting so cocky for? Be more honest!)

Koga: (…Is that you, Sakuma-senpai?)

Kaoru: (Ah, just as I thought. Our real selves are totally following our past selves around, huh?)

Rei: (Indeed. 'Twould seem you two have already grasped the situation. At the moment, we are as like spirits, watching over our former selves.) (Alas, being forced to witness my past self's mortifying behavior from up close and personal is akin to being thrust into my own personal hell. What manner of sin have I committed to warrant such punishment?)

Koga: (Hah, this's your own fault. I ain't ashamed a' the way I live my life, so I've got no problem watchin' my past self behavin' like thi—)

Koga: AAAAAH! SAKUMA-SENPAI! AHHHHHH! I-I-I-IT'S AN HONOR TO SEE YOU AGAAAAAAAAIN!

Koga: (......)

Rei: (What remarkable mental fortitude you possess, Koga… Seeing this, can you still claim to feel no shame?)

Koga: (IapologizeI'membarrassing)

Kaoru: (Woah, how rare, Koga-kun's speaking formally. I'm better off than you two at least, but I'd still rather not be reminded how immature I used to be.) (Why's all this happening? It's probably related to the AIIE experiment somehow, right?)

Rei: (Mm… Tis difficult to speculate much further than that.) (Were I to hazard a guess, perhaps our dreams have become intertwined due to our brains all being connected to the same device.)

Koga: (Does it really work like that? Ain't dreams meant to be more— more personal, or whatever?)

Rei: (Who can say? Tis new, untried technology.)

Kaoru: (It's way too late to say this, but I'm, like, totally going to regret agreeing to participate in such a shady experiment, aren't I?)

Rei: (What is done cannot be undone, for there is no way to turn back time. We should focus our attentions on adapting and responding to the current situation as quickly as possible.)

[ ☆ ]

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A term used to refer to buddhist monks, but also a somewhat old-fashioned, diminutive way of saying "boy" or "young man," kinda like calling someone "laddie."

[sixthoctavarium]

It's Been A Good Run

This is a decision I've mulled for a long time, and after some thought, I've made a final decision.

As of this moment, I consider myself retired from fic writing. Unless something drastically changes, I am through writing fanfiction. This was something I was hesitant to post, particularly because I knew it would disappoint people, but I figure it's better than never saying anything and leaving everyone hanging.

Unfortunately, this means that the Sword Saint Chronicles is now dead. I did not intend for this, particularly because I'm always one who believes in finishing what I started, but at this point, barring any drastic change, the series will not be completed.

To explain my decision, let me give a little background on my adventures in fic writing and about me.

You see, prior to writing fanfiction, I had a lot of things going on in my life. I spent time with friends, I played the Final Fantasy Trading Card Game, I played a lot of video games and pinball, and I attended a lot of conventions. I had plenty going on. In early 2020, I discovered Hamefura by chance while browsing TVTropes, and seeing that, the premise interested me. I then read some manga scanlations and was even more hooked. Then I found out an anime was coming and got excited. Now when this originally happened, I didn't think I'd get too much into the fandom. But then COVID happened, and suddenly I was working from home, and most of my pastimes were now a no-go due to things being on lockdown. Because of that, and because of the stress of this sudden change, as well as (unfounded) concerns about my job, I began to immerse myself into Hamefura. It was a major reason I got through the pandemic sane, and seeing new episodes on Saturdays was a highlight of the week for me.

Then one day, I began thinking of potential fanfics to write. Now that I suddenly had time, I decided to jump in and write. I started off with That Night In A Safe Haven, which turned out well. Afterwards I then did Six Interesting But Ordinary Weeks, which people seemed to like but now I can't stand. I read that and cringe. But I kept it up because it's a reminder of how much I improved.

Then I came up with the idea for Fight Like A Lady, which I consider to be my first true "hit" fic. And then things went from there and I kept writing. I had the time, and I had ideas, and also a sounding board in the r/otomegame Discord, so I kept writing.

I've gone places I never imagined with my writing. I saw fics which got their own entry on TVTropes, but never in my wildest dreams did I ever think something I wrote would make it. Then I wrote Catarina Claes MUST DIE, and at the conclusion, someone found it worthy enough of warranting a TVTropes page. I was honored. And moved. I actually got emotional from it. I told my best friend that I think I now know what it feels like when a baseball player gets the call that they've been elected to the Hall of Fame.

And so I continued to write, and things went on. But then the pandemic lockdown began to let up, and I slowly began to do more of what I'd used to do. In July of last year, I went back into the office and began working from there instead of my home. And then this past winter and spring, I worked a ton of overtime. Suddenly, the time I had to write was shrinking, and unlike when I first began, I started to be somewhat annoyed at writing because it was taking time away from my preferred pastimes. But I still had ideas and wanted to write them.

Eventually, I began my most recent (and as of now my last) fic, My Next Life As A Planeswalker: All Routes Lead To The Multiverse. And I found while writing it that my interest in the Hamefura fandom was not what it once was. I went through and finished the story, but at the end of it, I knew I needed a break. Unfortunately, that break will be permanent now. Simply put, I've got a lot of other things I want to do, and with work, my interests, and the like, I just don't have the time to really dedicate myself to fic writing.

If you're disappointed, I understand. I totally get it. But I wanted to be upfront and let everyone know what I've decided. If things change, or I get the itch to write again, I might jump back into it. But as of now, I don't think I'll ever get back into it.

I want to thank everyone that's read my stories, left kudos on AO3, and commented on them. Your comments, praise, and criticism were what fueled me, and I can't thank you enough for them. Its your noticing my stories that made this such a rewarding experience.

Thanks for taking the time to read this as well. I'm glad to have gone through this and learned things about myself, but I feel it's time to move on, and again, I'd rather let you all know what's happening.

Until next time.

[nyctarian]

My Favorite Books I Read in 2023

(In a rare event this year I gave up on any kinda bad book so quickly that this is just a best list for once. As such i have just put the list in order of when i read the book. In addition to this specific list Here Are A Few Other posts about books from this year)

[These reviews are not spoiler free be warned!!!]

This list is as of yet incomplete!!! I have most of the books that will be on it listed, thought I did just go through everything I read this year and not just the ones I saved to an endofyearlist shelf as I finished them and found a few more that reasonably stuck with me enough to warrant a note on here. I have not added them yet! Also although I did say in the literal first paragraph that this is just a best list there were some books i saw as I went thru that were like, oh I wish those were better than they were they had such potential, so I may also add those at some other point

Trust by Hernan Diaz: Putting this list in order of when I read it means that the first one is the one that :) i may or may not have actually finished before the year ends :) [NOTE: I have not.] BUT it is good enough that i am Adding It Anyways! Trust is written as a series of excerpts from books about Benjamin and Helen Rask some 1920s rich people. The book manages to present the couple from a series of differing narratives (starting with an in-universe novel about a fictionalized version of the couple before going forward with the "non fiction" books about them, increasing the revelations as you go. This was one of the ones i went into before i engaged any online hype about it bc its cover caught my eye on the new arrivals shelf of the library i work at, and the actual premise was so intriguing i had to check it out. It took me as long to read bc I prefer to listen to nonfiction and this book manages to meat that tone so closely that i kept wanting to listen to the audiobook instead, but also this year i kept not being able to engage w audiobooks and podcasts so i didnt want to actually spend the money on buying it!

Whereabouts by Jhumpa Lahiri: This another book that I read because I stumbled across it at the library I work at. I spent a lot of this year looking for things that were similar to my standout favorites from Last Year, specifically Cook, Pure Colour, and No One Is Talking About This, and this was one of the first ones that I pursued of that ilk that I really liked. The story is about a writer and how she is living and has lived her life. If you are looking for more plot or a character who is either nicer or nastier this probably isnt for you, but for a look into how a woman has lived her life, what she regrets and how she find hers joys, i thought it was really really engaging. Here are some of my GR progress updates as an indicator of how the experience of reading could be ehhhhh but also was still one of The Books Of The Year To Me

Solutions and Other Problems by Allie Brosh: This is 2010s tumblrcore millennialbait. Once more, at the library I work at, I found this book. We did a display of our graphic novels collection and we had both the first book collecting the hyperbole and a half webcomics and this one. This was during a winter break period in january when the library was basically empty, so i basically just grabbed both books and, despite having read the original webcomic back in the day (and its ubiquity to this day in some memes) i had spent long enough away from the original material that they both managed to make me laugh a surprising amount. Only the second one is on here bc speaking of 'surprising amount' the first one had a surprising amount of times the R word was used, which while is Of Its Time having been published in the early 2010s, made me uncomfortable! it wasnt an egregious amount to make me not read the sequel, w the knowledge that the sequel was intended to be at times an emotionally heavier read and also was published in the 2020s, but i still wanted to note it here. my enjoyment of this book also was aided by the fact that i started it in january and finished it in april, just reading a bit at a time to get some laughs in. These reads also did spur me to checking out more of my libraries graphic novel collection, and then this plus my interest in reading more translated fiction lead to me giving more of a chance to misc mangas etc this year.

One Hundred Shadows by Hwang Jungeun: Hey everyone have I mentioned that One Hundred Shadows by Hwang Jungeun was the best book i read this year. Because this was the best book i read this year. This is a book about the romance between the two leads, with a background story of a fantastical magical realism plot, that is centered around modern gentrification and classism. It is all of those things in the quietest way possible. The central relationship is so much of the two characters spending time together and talking. The Magical realism is the occasional thrum of the idea of shadows rising. The discussion of gentrification and classism is the background worry about where they work being demolished. This is the best book I read this year. I spent the entire year the minute i finished this book desperately trying to find another book like it. This is the best book For Me this does everything i want a book to do and it does it in the best way possible. this book ruined my ability to read novels about romance because they were too Loud and could never meet this books high, quiet standards. [NOTE: I actually do not believe everyone should read this book because seeing bad takes about this book would make me insane. Only read this book if you are going to experience it the exact same way as me and have all my same thoughts and emotions!!!!]

Soft Science by Franny Choi: April is national poetry month, so my library did a display about it. I didn't read this because of seeing it in that display, but part of the display we did was us recommending short poems we liked, and one of mine was Choi's "We Used Our Words We Used What Words We Had" which lead to me realizing I had never read any Franny Choi poetry collection in full despite already liking a number of her poems, so I read several poetry collections and this one was my favorite. Bodies and Technologies and the ways they are and are not the same things and are at odds with each other and in conversation with and an aid to each other was a theme i was interested in this year in a specifically poetic way so this book was perfect for that

Mona by Pola Oloixarac: I was able to enjoy this bc i have been terminally online twitterbrained in a leftist internetsphere way for a while now. As I note in the attached goodreads progress updates my first real Thought about the book was to compare it to "Nobody Is Talking About This" which was one of my best books i read last year and also a book that i found Very Very Very Frustrating for much of the time i was reading, and also was in conversation with terminally online stuff in a way that didnt always work but still managed to feel Of The Moment in a way that wouldnt be (too horribly) outdated in the future. Mona is about author and professor Mona, a peruvian author who frequently reflects on what it means for her to be a Woman Of Color working in an american college system, with much of the plot focusing on her leaving the country (and also leaving her responsibilities and the expectations people have of her and the violence that just happened to her behind) as she is nominated for a Very Prestigious Literary Award, as she mingles with other international authors. I hated large chunks of this novel, it frequently had discussions of sex that i found frustrating to read because of the verbiage used, the ending was jarring and it was inarguably one of the best books i read this year. The juxtaposition of the frequent flashbacks to the main character's recent experience with sexual assault and intimate partner violence which she is only vaguely aware of happening. Despite being very different books i found the way this book ended and the way Piranesi (next on this list as i finished them at the same time) ended to be similarly frustrating but understandable.

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke: Ok i found the ending frustrating BUT the incredible prose and the amazing descriptors made the journey to get there good enough that i was okay with it. I spent a very long time working on reading piranesi. Sometimes when i want to finish a book but know that i probably won't i do a trick where i read the book backwards. i go to the last chapter and then i read it, and then i go to the next to last chapter and read that one, and i do that until i either can go back and continue from where i left off at the start of the book, or until i just join up with that part and have finished the novel by making it to the middle. I ended up doing that with piranesi and let me tell you it was confusing! and as someone who semiregularly (a time or two a year at most) i know its my fault for doing it but it isnt normally THAT confusing. The book was still very good. The ending (spoiler) jolts what i had assuming to be a straightforward fantasy into the real world in the same way that Mona's ending seemingly thrust that book into a fantastical narrative when it had been a more straightforward contemporary novel before then. Reading these books at the same time made me think about those choices a lot! Oh the plot of this book is that its about a man and the magic house he lives in. It was beautifully written and that was more important than the plot, which wasnt BAD persay, but i liked Mona better.

Woman, Eating by Claire Kohda: This was a book about vampires that was actually about food culture gender family and being mixed race. The book was one that as I was reading it I knew it was going to be on this list. At times the womanhood aspects were a little Too universalizing for a story that otherwise was really good about centering its main character as a singular figure moving through the world. Genuinely incredibly well written prose, and the way it reaches its climax was really excellent.

Inheritance by Taylor Johnson: Another book of poetry that I found incredibly striking. Another book that I found by happenstance in the library I work in. I read it long enough ago now I can't really describe it but multiple of the poems stuck with me enough to repost here. Never one note or repetitive while still having a tonal and narrative consistency tying it all together.

Fever Dream by Samantha Schweblin: I didnt like that in the end this became somewhat of a standards "those strange creepy kids are strange and creepy and evil innit" type story bc of how genuinely strange and captivating the narrative was for most of the book. It was a little bit of a let down but despite that it was Still Excellent. The whole time I was reading it it was a very anticipatory experience letting the story unfold, even if I found the conclusion somewhat lackluster it made me want to read more from the author.

Mr. Salary by Sally Rooney: I never finished Normal People but i found this weird novella interesting. Just this side of safe from being problematic with a very intentionally smash cut-y conclusion of the story. It was very interpersonal and character oriented without going too unnecessarily deep or staying too safely shallow. If it was longer or more detailed it probably wouldnt make the list. That's all i really can say about it.

Heaven Official's Blessing by Mò Xiāng Tóng Xiù: This series. hmm. how to explain my mental illness. This was the only thing i got as insane about as i did one hundred shadows, but because this was an 8 volume/1400 page light novel with a thriving fandom, my mental illness was encouraged more than with one hundred shadows. It was a little up and down with the beginning being a little slow to start, and the flashback arcs being a little drudgery-y, but whenever xie lian and hua cheng got to have chemistry together it was a homerun, and the fact that the story was basically a mystery series with an overarching big bad villain but in a world inspired by chinese mythology made it great. It wasn't my only light novel this year (after checking out some of the guardian cdrama i started reading the fanslation for that which was my first light novel this year but the fanslation is imperfect so im still working on it s l o w l y) but it was my favorite that i read and my other favorite of the year with one hundred shadows. If one hundred shadows was my like, litfic Genuinely Good Book fave than tgcf was my lightreading Genuinely Fun Book fave. Someone should write a tgcf!au of one hundred shadows and a ohs!au of tian guan ci fu just for me.

Temporary by Hilary Leichter: This was a weird one! The narrative structure of the sort of work drudgery surrealism is something that both kind of bores me a lot but I find endlessly fascinating when done well. This one at times edged too close to the sillier end of things but was grounded enough to be very enjoyable. The end of it hit somewhat similar to Pure Colour in a way I wasn't expecting, but I found the strange worldbuilding very enjoyable, even if narratively it never quite seemed to do what I want a book to do.

Manga Catchall: As noted above, I did read some manga this year but most of them had some substantial flaw enough to not make the list. Of specific note I would say Yubisaki to Renren (volume three being my favorite volume of the not-yet-completed series which is why its specifically the one in the cuspies screenshot) as the most well-rounded highlight, and the incomplete series I am most excited for more volumes of. The other manga in the screenshot was either stupid fun but very flawed or almost very good with one or two big "oh come on's," especially in regards to either tonally inconsistent cringe or unnecessary (for me) graphic content. The only one that I didn't finish reading the (available) volumes of was boys run the riot which i stalled out in the middle of vol 2 for being just a little too YA for me not for any other real reason, but it had diverse rep and is something I could see being important to a younger queer reader. The cat proposed could have been really excellent, which it was for most of the story, and then inexplicably the epilogue was like about 3r3ctile dysfunction? which kinda affected the whole thing. Semantic error i read because i broadly enjoyed the drama even if it was flawed but the manhwa was hmmm kinda insane and wayyyy toooo hot and cold unnecessary conflict-y. Very much the "you too are insane but just dont involve anyone else in your shit and youll be fine" meme. Fangs was an interesting plot intriguing worldbuilding good slowburn(ish) romance but uhh more graphic than expected and the plot really kicked off at the very end of the 2nd volume..of 2 published so far lol. I Married My.... was fine but the chemistry wasnt really there as much as it should be even as a friend thing, but the main characters sort of internal monologue about what is my place in the world was good. Sasaki to miyano was good chemistry but a kind of silly main plot for how they orbit into each others lives, but the characters are an enjoyable enough bunch and it was an easy read. something that i think will be better as a sit down and finish in a row once the series is completed.

Other Cuspies Of Note: Something New was an enjoyable read I previously read the authors other book Relish which I think was better but this one was also good. The author is friends with and mentions in the book ojst!erika who is like a noted insane problematique weirdo lol. Scholomance as with many novik books I had a lot of issues with and didnt enjoy the whole time but she is good at writing a main character of a really strong personality and interesting magic systems. As of right now ive stalled out early into the second book and likely will dnf instead of getting to the third, so my critique as with many fantasy series is "wish it was a standalone" lol. There were some side characters of note in this first book w/openended endings who i checked the other books and they dont really get mentioned again which was a bummer lol. Portrait of a thief I started last year and finished by reading backwards around the same time as piranesi. I enjoyed the writing and that the characters had distinct pov's but I wish the heist had been centered more somehow? and the character conflicts a little less rote although I did broadly enjoy the characters themselves. mainly it made me excited to check out the authors next (as of yet unreleased) book. One Good man was a novella I was interested in reading for ages and if it was longer than a novella I likely wouldnt have enjoyed it as the romance was a little too hot and cold and the characters a little unncessarily dumb at times but it was pretty good, and while ambitious in its setting of vietnam era france it largely managed to hit the right mark for me.

ok its jan 21 2023 im prob not gonna finish this rn!!! but here are the cuspies that could have made the list + the mangas/manhwa that could have made it (if its a volume of a manga it just is a catchall for the series) (eta: 2/6/24 I did end up baaaaaasically finishing the unwritten entries but am leaving the screenshots for clarity as i mentioned them in some of my reviews.)

and while i didnt have a worst of here are the disappointments that i had high hopes for that range from i dnf'd bc it was bad to disappointing whole to store to stumbled at the ending

[pseudo-apollo]

The Husky and His White Cat Shizun Made Me Say I Wanted to Drink Bleach: Here's Why

Disclaimer the First: I have only and only intend to read the first volume (45 chapters) of this series.

Disclaimer the Second: I'm writing this to vent my own frustrations and give them form. And because this blog is tiny so I doubt many people will see this post. I'm not trying to do a call-out or start drama with the fandom.

Disclaimer the Third (Final): My gripes with this book are NOT over the sensitive content it contains. I had a good idea of what I was getting into when I picked it up, and honestly it sounded like my cup of tea. Don't worry, I'm not going to bitch about the Geneva Convention violations (lol)

Now, let's jump right in:

This book reads like fanfiction of The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System. From the time when I read the synopsis of the book to the point I put it down for the last time, that was a constant thought running through my mind. After finishing the book, I did the most minimal of research, and what would you know, SVSSS first published in 2014, and The Husky and His White Cat Shizun started publishing in 2017.

I'm not here to make accusations of plagiarism, but...

To set the scene, we have a story about a young disciple from a humble background and his abusive, uptight shizun. There are two other disciples that are central to the story, one of whom is a love interest for the main disciple, the other is a rival. The young disciple is naturally gifted at cultivation as well as being an exceptional cook and stunningly handsome. Despite being orphaned and abused by his shizun, the disciple grows up to be a powerful, ruthless ruler, and uses his power to exact revenge on his shizun, confining and torturing him, but not killing him for a long time.

The story itself properly begins with the death of the main character via self-induced poisoning, who is then transported to a previous point in what could be called the previous timeline. The main character then must do what they can to change outcomes of the story without revealing themselves. The relationship that then evolves between shizun and disciple ends up being more affectionate than in the previous timeline, and conflict arises surrounding who is "supposed" to be the disciple's love interest.

In arguably the first arc of the story, the shizun and disciples set off to gain experience by helping a wealthy man in a small town who is being troubled by a malicious entity. The main character, while remembering this from the original story, uses their knowledge to sound smart, but ends up changing things so they no longer know what is going on. This creates an embarrassing situation where the disciple grows closer to his shizun rather than his fellow disciple who "should" be his love interest. The clue that helps solve the entire mystery ends up being perfume.

The shizun is quite handsome, repeatedly associated with a plant, and presents a very stoic face. Despite his outward calm, he constantly struggles with his complicated feelings toward his disciple.

The disciple uses his good looks to manipulate people, constantly seeks his shizun's approval, and is often likened to a dog in some capacity. He also has a *ahem* sky pillar impressive enough to warrant several mentions.

Now...I feel I've quite made my point, whether or not anyone else agrees with me, I can understand either way. These are the major similarities that I most readily noticed, but there are of course smaller similarities as well that I couldn't fit in, or that I missed. I will end my comparison to SVSSS there.

However, I would be remiss if I didn't bring up the major similarity I also see between The Husky and His White Cat Shizun and Heaven Official's Blessing. The funny thing here, is that both began publishing in the same year, but I couldn't find the months, so clearly these similarities are, in my opinion, more likely to be coincidental. When taken with the other striking similarities to another of MXTX's works, though, I feel it at least worth mentioning, if for no other reason than to stop it rattling around in my head.

As the first "mission" of the story, we find a woman wronged by her lover has become a malicious entity seeking revenge. The transgression relates to marriage and her lover leaving her for another woman. Her actions have caused people to seek the help of our main character and two of the main character's companions. In order to investigate the matter, the main character must dress in wedding garb and they and their love interest end up playing the role of "husband and wife".

And of course, there are other smaller similarities that will go unmentioned, as the smaller the similarity, the more likely it is to be unintentional or coincidental. Much of this could be coincidental, in fact, but taken all together, I hope one can see how throughout reading this book, I was endlessly reminded of things I'd read previously. I was imagining what it may have looked like if it were fanfiction.

I would love to say that's where my issues with the book stop. Really, I'd love to. But here we are, and I'm already this deep into it. The similarities I saw in the synopsis of the book were actually why I bought it in the first place. I figured if I liked SVSSS as much as I did, surely I would enjoy this book that promised much of the same, just darker. I was VERY onboard for that.

However, what I got was something that made me bored and disappointed, while also cringing. It was completely underwhelming from what I expected reading other reviews of the book. Of course it could get more intense, but with how strongly I disliked the majority of the characters, I knew I couldn't continue reading to find out. The only reason I finished reading it at all was

I paid about $11 for it, and was determined to get my money's worth

I was hoping, very sincerely, that it just suffered the common issue of having a rocky and uninteresting start. I wanted to see it get better

Once I came to the conclusion it wouldn't get better, I wanted to see just how strongly it resembled SVSSS so I could make this post and get something out of my time

When the most detailed depiction of graphic events (in my opinion, of course) is during a three-chapter long flashback about a character who doesn't matter where a man is trying to force-feed a young girl an orange, I'm not getting the dark fucked-up mess that I expected. I'm getting excessive backstory for a character I don't care about, and finding myself surprised that this is the scene in the book I find most unsettling.

As I said, it probably gets more graphic later in, but I'm not sticking around to find out. It's also possible some of the disturbing stuff just didn't hit for me, that happens, and that's fine.

For me, it's the unlikable characters on top of non-committal violence and darkness, with cheap, cringe-inducing sequences and too-familiar structure and plot elements done poorly. I kept wanting to like it, but I couldn't. At best, this book had a couple good moments, and that wasn't enough for me. I don't mind irredeemable characters. Irredeemable characters can still be likable, and these ones weren't.

Anyway, this feels like it's getting repetitive and rant-y (if it wasn't to begin with), so I'm wrapping it up here...

My rating for The Husky and His White Cat Shizun (Vol. 1) is:

1/10: Don't Waste Your Money Or Your Time

[residentdormouse]

Make Note of those Nifty ‘N’ Words

Now knowing there's a necessity to narrow the given narratives, I may neurotically nitpick my selections less I become negligent about neutralizing all nonchalant news of upcoming nonsense. (insert River Song here) No need to nullify natural nuance that builds in later narration unless necessary. Maybe it's all for naught? A bit naive? Or maybe just narcissistic? Nevertheless, I will try and note only needed sections and limit the numerous spoilers regarding the gang and their notorious nightmare man.

(Also honored that you started reading this absurdity, @mrsmungus. I hope it doesn't disappoint!)

My Words: Name, Needless, Nasty, Nausea, Notice

Your Words: Outrage/Outrageous, Offer, Offend, Obey, Objective

As always, if you think it looks fun, don’t hesitate to throw up an ‘@’ and throw up your ‘O’ words!

Name

By evening, Hayden found herself back by the fire with Glen sitting next to her. Harold's music had now been replaced with his, and the vape pen passed back and forth, shared between the two.

"So you really think we just drop this? No more attempts?"

"You didn't see what happened, Hayden."

Using her chosen name always threw her for a bit. Giggles was her name to him, and she loved it. Hayden was formal, reserved for more serious matters. A warning label that implied, ‘do not follow with snark.’

"What happened there, can’t say it was normal, and--"

"Which is why I don't think we should treat this like it’s normal! There's no hard science researching this, Glen. Uncharted waters here on out.  Think we need to explore every--"

"Correct me if I'm wrong here Giggles, but you can't very well explore if you're dead.”

Needless

(This is only used twice between both stories. And I’ve also used both of these before - Another fail. At least I could go back a little further with this one, so its not all a repeat.)

"How much of this did Glen rehearse with you?"

The offense at the questions was taken immediately, and she made a note of just how little prompting it took to wind Lloyd up. “Hey! I am capable–”

"It's not commentary on you as much as observation of him, I promise.” She didn’t feel the urge to needlessly work him up; the fact that he was here now showed he cared in his own way. But she could see when a script was given, and Glen’s direction was shining through. “You can't tell me I'm wrong, though, can you?"

“The two of you are fuckin’ stupid for each other, you know that?!”

That got a smile from her. She wished that she knew exactly how he was aware of this fact. What they had done to warrant it. Examples. Stories. Memories she should have. But the lack of information on her end did not alter the truth in his statement, and she did not doubt he meant what he said.

Nasty

(Pretty far into Diving, but the rest were really bad on the spoiler deal.)

"Drink? I'd recommend the Macallan, it has aged quite well."

For as much as Max tried to make it seem otherwise, she knew very little about the woman in front of her first hand. And from what she could gather, not many did. Deliberate measures for sure, couldn't be anything else at this point. Her reputation preceded her, though, and Max knew there was no way to be around as long as her, get as high up on the ladder, without having some nasty business in your past.

The logic was enough for Max to justify retaining a resistant stance, despite Quinn's now questionable judgment.

"Little rich for my blood. But speaking of..."

There was no more to her sentence, it already served the intended purpose.

A polite laugh resounded while Gwen turned to mix something for herself. A carafe of dark red mixed with the translucent brown in an exquisitely crafted glass. An object made specifically for her no doubt.

"It pairs very well with A positive, I must say. O negative would do in a pinch. But if you're going to break into the good stuff, why tarnish it with an inadequate mixer?" From her peripherals, Max could see Harold stiffen at the open admission, and with how rigid he was to begin with, she could barely believe this was possible. “Perfectly fine in a glass, of course. No need for extracurriculars. Unless one would be into that type of thing.”

Nausea

With a small step, Fran stood to the side allowing her entry into the home. “Thank you for coming over. I wasn’t sure who else to ask.”

“Yeah, absolutely!”

It was then she noticed quite a few boxes stacked on the side of the porch. Susan grabbed the top two, and began to head to the living room. The post Fran held at the side of the door now relieved, she made her way forward towards the stack of items. Two steps forward and she was cut off with a very loud throat clear.

“Uh, I think not. You. Sit down over there. I got this.”

Fran didn’t need to be told twice. She was nearing the end of the pregnancy, and everything ached. Her feet and legs were swollen and screaming in pain at her. Random kicks to her kidneys would have her crying out at odd points in conversations. And the nausea… The plain cereal she just forced down was threatening to come up at the thought alone.

She let out a deep breath and relaxed into the couch. “I seriously can’t thank you enough. Wasn’t sure what I was going to do without Stu here–”

Notice

"Oh! Oh. No…it's not like that. Not that I wouldn’t… its just...” 

She didn’t expect campfire confessionals to be turned on her, especially on something she hadn't even fully admitted to herself. Of course Glen was a great guy. She’d be a damn liar if she said she didn’t think about him when he wasn’t there, that she didn’t feel a calming grounded energy around him. There was something more about him… a good nature and levity. He was funny, and... 

'Shit..’

She took a deep breath, reigning in the flustered energy. 

"Ok. Well played. Tables sufficiently turned.”

But if Fran had picked up on this… 

“...am I that obvious?"

She laughed, "No, you’re fine. I just thought I noticed a connection there as well, but I wasn't sure." Just as contagious as Glen’s, her laugh shifted the atmosphere to a more favorable one.

[lesvegas]

ritchie’s🎃💀 ABCs of Horror Movie Marathon!! 💀🎃

Horror movie challenge prompted by @quintsmachete

Day Twenty Two - V is for Venom: The Last Dance (2024)

Promise this won't have spoilers, besides this: there was no kiss, no monster sex, and not even an 'I love you'. And that's okay.

This is gonna be long, by the way.

Hear me out.

My friends and I joke about how the third movie better have Eddie and Venom fucking on-screen, but you'd have to be pretty naive to think they would lean into the homoerotic angle anymore than they have in the first two movies. While I do wish there was a little more explicit love between the two, I honestly kind of appreciated the subtext and the way their 'relationship' ended (that's not even a spoiler; see title and trailer).

There are two main reasons I found their dynamic and the movie's ending satisfying rather than disappointing: the nature of the relationship itself, and the fact that this movie really couldn't be more than what it was on that front.

I'm not a comic book nerd. Feel free to send asks to my bestie @nosoactivehero if you wanna hear his thoughts about all that. But what I do know from the few interpretations of Eddie and Venom that I've seen (Spiderman 3, Spectacular Spiderman, random episodes of other cartoons, the odd game or two) that a relationship like that could never really work out in the end. You could even say they're doomed from the start. The fact is, while these Tom Hardy movies have made Eddie and Venom closer than they ever have been before (as far as my non-comic-book-reading ass is aware) they're still a parasitic man-eating alien and a human man trying to keep it from devouring everything in sight. They love eachother, they feel like good friends at worst, but there's never been an instance where they've been able to maintain a symbiotic relationship long-term without anyone getting hurt. Ultimately their relationship has to end, and it has to end either with Eddie dying, or him living on and feeling like a major part of him is missing forever. And I think this movie handled that pretty well.

As for this movie's limitations... listen, it was limited from the start. Venom 2018 was something of a fluke; it was intended to be an edgy antihero movie a la Morbius that unintentionally became a hit with monsterfuckers, enough to warrant two sequels. And while Sony did lean into that a little bit and tried to cater to that audience, it really starts and ends with promotional material and tiny tidbits of that dynamic in the movies. It's honestly surprising there was even that 'kiss' in the first movie at all, because there's still the other half of their target audience: kids. And their parents.

Sony already has monsterfuckers and fujoshis in the bag. They're gonna see this movie and cling to every little #symbrock moment there is. They don't really need to be pandered to more than they already have been. So, that leaves the kids and the parents who will buy tickets for them. They were already gonna see this movie if they saw the first two, and the only thing that might put them off from doing so is hearing that they made the main character and the big alien slime monster gay. I can believe the director/writer Kelly Marcel and producer/writer/star Tom Hardy would be willing to take that risk, but I highly doubt Sony would ever let the movie happen if they even thought about it. So that leaves relying on subtext and history to sell the ship.

Also, these movies are still PG-13. This one has a lot more swearing and violence than before, but it's still PG-13... I think.

I still think they could've at least dropped the word 'love' aloud just once, but I don't blame them for dialing it back either.

This movie has a lot of loud moments, but it also has a lot of quiet ones I found myself appreciating. There were typical goofy Venom moments like you'd expect, maybe a little less than usual, but there were also moments where they were just talking or Venom was expressing Eddie's feelings aloud. I honestly think my favourite scene was in a van with a family on their way to Vegas (well, stopping by Vegas, again, not gonna spoil it) and Eddie had a moment to think to himself about what he wants, and where to go from here. The kid of said family talks to him a little while everyone sleeps, asking for reassurance that aliens aren't real, and Eddie's hesitation is kinda funny before he lies to reassure the kid. Aliens aren't real, don't worry about it. I thought Venom would pipe up with something obnoxious in response, but instead he told Eddie that he said the right thing, and that he'd make a good dad. And I think that says a lot about how their friend/relationship has developed over the last in-movie year.

Can you tell what I went to see the movie for? I mean, the first two were really fucking messy, it only makes sense I'm mostly here for the #symbrock moments. But the rest of the movie was honestly not nearly as much of a mess as the last two, and I found that really refreshing.

It's definitely not perfect. The first few minutes of exposition had me looking at my bestie and saying 'what the fuck was that'. Fortunately, they only drilled said exposition in two more times after that, and it felt somewhat justified in that it really just acted as the vehicle for the plot and stakes as any tolerable exposition should.

The first 20-30 minutes had me worried this movie was gonna suck worse than before, but after that the movie quickly got good. A lot of new characters were introduced which also had me worried, but their screentime felt justified by the end as they all had a role to play, big or small. The sets were a hell of a lot more interesting with a mix of wilderness, cities and a certain military base, and for once every set piece was largely visible and colourful. I think I would've preferred more night time scenes, but that's just a personal preference. The action was honestly pretty engaging, even if most of it was still CGI on account of Venom being. Venom. The music was surprisingly great; I could give or take the pop songs but they were fine, and the orchestral OST genuinely hit at times. The story is... fine. Again, it really just feels like a vehicle for the scenes to happen the way they do, but it's easy to follow and isn't entirely unbelievable in the context of the universe. I could nitpick some stupid moments and plot holes, but c'mon, it's fucking Venom 3, do you really expect cinematic perfection? I think the fact that I only rolled my eyes twice was pretty impressive. The humour didn't land for me as well as before, but it did get a chuckle out of me here and there.

And the ending... I get why some were disappointed, but honestly, I liked it. A lot. I also thought it was kinda ballsy to end on a bittersweet moment like that. Not the kind of thing you'd expect from a movie where half the target audience are kids.

I really liked this movie as an ending to a hot, messy trilogy of flukes. Not great, but honestly not that bad. Gonna give this one three outta five lobsters 🦞🦞🦞🗌🗌

[dailyrandomwriter]

Day 419

Tomorrow will be the first day of October and I’m excited to say that the new journal has been set up and I've already started to fill it out. Though I did take pictures of the pages before I started filling it out.

I’m really excited about this for two reasons. 

The first, is that this journal now covers the last set up didn’t. When I did the month of September I made the assumption about what I needed that wasn’t quite accurate. While, I was on the nose that I needed habit trackers and a bingo card in order to get myself going on everyday habits and tasks, I didn’t realize the scope of how much I forget. Now that I realize it was more of a memory/attention issue, I realize there’s a lot more I could do to help myself.

When I did September, I didn’t add any collections, such as lists, that were meant for a full 3-month term. And there are certain things I could have added to make my life easier. Like a Gift Board to generate gift ideas because Christmas is going to be here soon. I also added a wish list of things I wish to read, watch and play, to see if having a running list and adding it to my daily to-do list keeps me from mindlessly scrolling through social media and Youtube. There’s also a page for Chimera Academy so I don’t bounce around mindlessly when writing.

As for my trackers, I’ve decided to do a different type of monthly tracker this time around so I can add more self care tasks that I’d like to do. Especially as life is heading towards the colder months, remembering to put body lotion on is very important. 

In my original September set up, I made my wellness check-ins as part of my daily log. However, because part of my wellness checks are in part due to medical needs, I realized I wouldn’t be able to give my doctor consistent data if I put it as part of a daily log. It makes more sense to have it logged for as long as I use the journal. Now, I’m still experimenting with layouts and I wanted to have fun, so I’ve actually set it up for a month instead of 3 months so it allows me to try other layouts.

I also added a Meal Planning page, not as part of a fitness goal, but because I constantly forget what my original plan for any meal was. It’s also a bit harder for me to judge what I have left in my fridge when I have to make meal changes. Something that happens often because I still accept food from my parents like I’m still a university student.

Finally, my daily log. I’ve discovered that half a page is not enough to write what I want and still have a place to decorate afterwards. I also needed a place to have a small to-do list, and a place to note any events going on as I am often bookmarked on a current day, and will check that first during the day. I kept the space for my to-do list small so I don’t overfill it with things. I want to give myself the satisfaction of having finished a list, and a to-do list is also more of a way to maintain somewhat of a routine.

The second reason why I’m excited is because I am going to try concepts from the Bullet Journal Method. I’m not actually busy enough I think to warrant the method in full, but I want to give it a try to see if it helps with task management. Though, as stated before, I am purposely making sure I don’t overfill my day with tasks. There is a good chance I won’t use it the exact way it was intended, but I do want to see if the core collections as part of the method would be useful to me. Except the Index, because everything is more or less in chronological order.

I’m going to queue the blank pages into my @pretendcottagelady tumblr blog along with a collection of other pages I’ve been making over the course of the month.

[thearchivistsjournal]

Day 204,

Morning thought: Will that healing spring of Maiko’s help the body of my Catacombs self?

*******

I’m back at the house but Maiko isn’t.  On the kitchen table she left her bracelet and a note on her wax tablet saying she needed time alone.

Fair enough.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have, but I checked her hiding spot underneath the couch cushions and found her pouch, so I’m confident she intends to come back sooner or later.

That’s the end of the day most presently on my mind, but what of the events preceding it?

Mostly, I was talking with Pat.  Around lunchtime I told Cass I was going to talk to him about some “personal life advice stuff, and maybe some old history stuff,” and that she was free to lock up early to go join her family, otherwise she’s in charge until I got back.  I think the idea of being in charge of anything rather appeals to her.  Or maybe it’s just that she likes being trusted with responsibility.

It took some asking around, but I eventually found Pat down on the beach once again.  As I got close he turned around to greet me and invited me to join him on his walk.  I was happy to do so, apologizing as I did so about not visiting as much as I’d intended.  He said not to worry about it.

It didn't take long for him to ask me how I was holding up since the last time we talked.

Reflexively, I said I was doing fine.  Then I caught myself.  Paused.  Corrected myself by saying that wasn’t completely true.  Struggled to find words now that I was finally there.  Asked if we could just walk for a while.

And we did.

Slowly, Pat started to fill in the silence, commenting on the weather, the birds, a large shell on the sand.  He drew me into light and easy conversation.

As we both stopped to catch our breath, taking seats on a log of driftwood he observed that I wasn’t faring much better than he was.

I said it was a lingering effect of the Children’s Fever.  Or perhaps lingering damage.  That I’ve been weak and easily out of breath since then, and while it’s gotten a little better these past three weeks it’s been slow enough that I worry if I’ll ever get back to full strength.  Giving voice to that concern provided a segue into one of the things I’d wanted to talk to him about, namely the healing spring.  I told him that I’d heard and read about it (technically true on the latter, but barely) and had an idea of how to find it, but I thought I’d ask if he knew anything of it or thought it might help me before I take a long and uncertain trip to get to it.

As it turns out, he was familiar with it, and had even been there once or twice himself.  He wasn’t sick himself while visiting but he did generally feel better for a while afterward.  He said that while there weren’t enough people in the Village getting seriously sick or injured enough to warrant trying to take a trip to it more than once every couple decades, he knew of a handful of people that claimed it helped them more than time, rest, or medicine could do.  It might not be a miracle cure that instantly gets me back to where I was before and it might not last forever, but it should do something for me.

Good enough for me to try it.  Now I just needed a boat, preferably one big enough to accommodate more than one person and carry supplies for an extended trip.

Hearing me mutter that last part to myself (the old man has young ears, I swear) he gave me the names of several people to talk to about borrowing a boat.  He seemed certain that the villagers would be willing to help one of their own, especially with my health on the line.

One of their own?

He smiled.  Said that I live here, don’t I?  Fill a role.  Eat the same food.  Walk the same streets.  What else would I be?

An outsider?

He laughed like I’d just delivered a punchline and then said I can be both at once.

Seems like a paradox to me, but I’ve learned to be comfortable with those.

Trying to get back on productive practical topics again, I brought up that I’d read about Iole, was given to understand that the island she wound up on was near the one with the spring, and that I was considering looking for her while I was out there.  Check in and see if she’s still alive.  Seems like a good thing for the Archivist to do.  And sure, I could check on her via floating island since she’s on the eastern stop, but  that’d be nine days in transit to her and then another twelve or thirteen waiting for the floating island to come back around to take me to the Village.  Seems better to combine the trips if I can.

I was caught off guard by how quickly Pat’s mood darkened when I mentioned Iole.  He agreed that checking on her was the decent thing to do if I could locate her.  But then he added a warning that I shouldn’t bring her up while I’m explaining what I need a boat for.

I asked why not.  Why anyone would have a problem with me seeing her.  Did I miss something?  Was she in fact exiled or outcast?

Pat shook his head.  Said it was nothing like that, but word might reach Theo, and that was the kind of digging for answers that the other oldest man had warned me against.  Theo had already warned me once, and might actually do something if I ignored him.  Likely nothing direct or physically harmful, but he’ll find a way to make digging hard for me.  Make sure there are no spare boats.  Encourage people to visit the library to keep me too busy to leave.  Give the mediators the idea to put together a large event that needs recorded at an inopportune time for me.  That sort of thing.

I recalled the missing capy that almost prevented the floating island expedition and kept Vernon from joining us.  Probably best I don’t mention the recent trips to the cathedral to anyone outside our group then.  Maybe encourage them to do the same next time I see them.

I asked what he knew about Iole.

He said nothing I wouldn’t likely find out on my own by meeting her.

The silence returned for a few minutes.

Patting his knees and putting on a brighter face, Pat worked his way up onto his feet and asked if I cared to keep going or turn around and head back to the Village.

I said it’d be a shame to waste the nice day.

<==Previous          Next==>

[my-deer-friend]

I don't really think we disagree on much. You don't know me (hi, internet stranger! 👋), but if you skim through my blog, you'll see I regularly use modern terms in jokes and shitposts to describe historical people – but then use more precise language for serious/academic posts.

So fundamentally, yes. Both are good! "Static and precise" is not and cannot be a standard for queer identites (that's exactly what I'm saying). Use whatever words you want in casual settings. I don't care. Have fun!

Still, I disagree that the "dichotomy is false" where it comes to academic scholarship specifically, which is what my post was about.

You say we should use "modern terms for groups with similar experiences today"; I'm saying that the experiences are not similar enough (or at least not in the time periods I'm studying) to warrant the modern terms. Not all queer scholars agree with that position, but here's my case for it.

You make my key point in your third paragraph. It's so contextual. If someone says they're gay, does that mean "the dictionary definition of gay" or "same-sex attracted, but not exclusively" or "how it was used in the 1970s" or "homosexual but not homoromantic" or "specifically a man attracted to men, so lesbians better not use it" or "my personal homebrew shorthand because I don't want to make a powerpoint about it"? Any of these could be meant; we can't tell without digging deeper. Even a seemingly straightforward term like "gay" unfolds to have a multiplicity of contested meanings and signifiers. Contemporary terms are living constructs: constantly negotiated, ideological, and laden with today's cultural meaning and baggage.

These words are not neutral. These words are not static and precise. They're not meant to be – but that real-world advantage is exactly what makes them shaky ground for historical queer scholarship.

The challenge is that the words we use today for sexual preferences or behaviours are often simultaneously the words we use for associated sociocultural identites. So, a lot of people will treat "homosexual" and "gay" as synonyms, where really they're not – the first can describe a sexual act (even between two straight same-sex people), whereas the second doesn't even clarify the gender of the person or whether they desire sex at all.

If one scholar writes that a man found guilty of sodomy in the British navy was gay (intending to mean "had commited a homosexual act") and another person reads that to mean "was exclusively sexually and romantically attracted to men", then... that's confusing, inaccurate, and potentially outright wrong. If you drew a venn diagram comparing an 18th century molly and a 21st century gay man, there would be some items in the overlap and many items in the non-overlapping parts of the circles on each side. As such, calling him gay instead of a molly both takes away the defining things that make mollies what they were, and suggests contemporary characteristics that weren't present at the time.

If somebody says that people did not (or could not) have the same gender or sexual traits that correspond to modern labels before those words were invented, then ✨that's nonsense✨ and they're talking shit.

But there is also a bad-faith (and rarely subtantiated) accusation that avoiding modern terminology in academic writing is erasing queer identites. When queer scholars say someone can't be pansexual before the identity is coined, it's like saying you can't be Canadian before Canada becomes a distinct country. "Pansexual" and "Canadian" are social-cultural identities, not objective ahistorical descriptors. But people have lived on the landmass that now falls within the modern borders of Canada long before it had that name, just as people in history existed who were attracted to others regardless of their sex/gender identity before "pansexual" was a thing.

And often, these people did have words for these identities. If a historical person considered themselves omnisexual, then my position is that it's inaccurate to call them pansexual or bisexual instead. That, to me, is erasure of queer identity.

TL;DR – in casual everyday contexts, do as you please. In academic writing, favour precision.

The problem with applying modern queer labels to historical people is not only that those labels didn't exist at that time but also that the labels used today just aren't very static or precise anyway.

Let queer people of the past have their own queer identities. <3