#i did love university SO much but i got badly burned out this last semester. so not best not worst not bad but. something

[clementineskesh]

i'm FREEEEEE. [ ] EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE

[mrsnegan]

I am here with another request. It’s where college student!reader desperately tries to seduce her college professor(Negan), and after a full semester of trying she quits. Until she bumps into Negan in the hallway and he asks her why she stopped or something and they have sex.

Please and thank you💛🌟

[I'm sorry this took so long to write, life got in the way and in the last few days I finally found the time to work on your request. Professor/student AU is one of my favorites, so I had lots of fun writing this for you. I hope you enjoy reading it! 💛]

Warnings: smut, swearing, rough blowjob, bodily fluids, unprotected sex

One full semester you had tried to get his attention. One full semester of hoping to make him notice you, want you. You sounded desperate, even in your own ears, you knew, but you couldn't help yourself. He was the wet dream of any student, tall, dark and handsome with a deep voice and dimples which made you swoon. And he was your professor, a fact which you often tried to ignore. Your attraction towards him was borderline obsessive by the point the semester reached its end. So the only thing saving your sanity was to stop this desperate shit show of a seduction. He wouldn't notice you anyway. Of course your clothes didn't define your worth but they helped to get attention from time to time, so you wore all the sexy outfits your wardrobe had to offer. What a bratty behavior, you thought to yourself, though it hadn't stopped you to wear those skirts and tops which made you feel absolutely irresistible in front of him. To your dismay, he didn't seem to notice, a fact which frustrated you greatly. So your skirts got longer again, your tops less revealing.

As the days went by, your lectures with Professor Negan turned out to be the same as always, and by the end of the last one for the semester, you even felt relieved to have a break from staring at this handsome devil for hours. Despite him not even looking at you once, you had a hard time looking at him without drenching your panties.

You decided to return your books to the library but Helen, a friend of yours, invited you for a coffee in your favorite place not far away from campus. By the time you both said goodbye after a super relaxing afternoon of talking and laughing, you remembered your books. Checking the opening hours of the library, you had half an hour left to get business done. So you walked back, returning the books just in time. What you didn't expect was to run into Professor Negan on your way out, nearly knocking his coffee out of his hand.

"Ugh, sorry, Professor", you said, cheeks turning red in embarrassment. You always made a fool of yourself in front of those people who you found attractive. And up close, he was even more attractive than behind his desk during lectures.

"It's alright, Y/N, no need to apologize." He winked at you with this million dollar smile of his, accentuating his dimples.

You gulped visibly, nodding absently while walking past him to exit the library. What you didn't expect was to hear his low voice behind your back.

"By the way, where did your sexy as fuck skirts go? Laundry day?"

You whipped around, flabbergasted.

"Excuse me?"

He took one step in your direction, smirking wildly.

"I wanted to know why you don't wear those nice skirts anymore. I loved watching your ass in those."

With your mouth slightly agape, you just stared at him. No way did he notice your attempts without you noticing it. Had you been this blind?

"I...I thought you..."

"You thought I wouldn't notice? Oh sweetheart, I'm just good at hiding it, couldn't risk someone seeing my boner whenever your lovely tits more or less dangled in front of my face."

There was no way for you not to turn bright red under his heated gaze.

"Are you...making fun of me?" you asked, insecure about this whole situation.

He laughed lightly, emptying his coffee and throwing it into the bin a few feet away effortlessly. Everything he did, how he moved and talked seemed effortless to you.

"I would never make fun of you, Y/N. Not my style. Especially not when you're reacting this cute even if you must have known how absolutely naughty your whole behavior has been."

You couldn't stop your arousal at his words, him flirting with you made your heart nearly jump out of your chest.

He took another step towards you, then another until he only was a breath away from you.

"You need it bad, don't you, sweetheart? Need to be fucked real good by someone who knows how to handle you."

The moan leaving your lips didn't surprise you at all. His voice alone did things to you, you couldn't believe this was happening for real.

"How often do you imagine me inside of you, huh?"

For the first time since running into Professor Negan, you looked into his eyes. You could swear the desire in them would swallow you whole.

"Too...too often to count", you answered truthfully.

Without any other word, Professor Negan grabbed your hand, dragging you with him towards the part of the library which was used by staff and university teachers only.

He unlocked a door to a room with bookshelves, some desks and chairs in it and locked it after the both of you were inside.

At first, you just stared at him with wide eyes, your thoughts running wildly in your head, then he took determined strides towards you, pushing you against the opposite wall with ease. The kiss that followed drove the air out of your lungs. He claimed your mouth forcefully, kissing, you senseless with his talented mouth. He tasted better than you could have imagined, so you met his ministrations with equal fervor, groping at his strong arms to find some leverage.

His tongue felt incredible inside of your mouth and you couldn't stop the thought of him kissing you down there.

His hands also wandered down your body, up again, touching as much of you as possible.

"You have no idea for how long I wanted to do this. Fuck, you drove me mad all those months."

You stared at him with bedroom eyes, his words sounded too good to be true in your head.

"I thought you didn't care, Professor", you whispered breathlessly, chest heaving.

"It's Negan for you and care I most certainly fucking do." He attacked your neck with kisses and licks, teeth lighty sinking into your skin. He was rewarded with your moan, his name leaving your lips, tasting the sound of it on your tongue.

"You know you've been a bad girl, don't you? Teasing me relentlessly and then stopping like you changed your fucking mind from one second to the other."

"Negan I...", you tried to explain, but he silenced you with his index finger against your lips.

"Non of that. I know you need to be fucked badly and I'm more than glad to fuck you senseless, sweetheart. But I need to punish you first. Your little outfits and all that eye-fucking could have gotten us into real trouble."

"Punish me? How? But this...this here could get us in trouble too."

Negan just smirked at you, attacking your lips once again before answering you.

"Maybe I will bend you over one of the desks and spank your gorgeous ass until you beg me to stop. Or I will choke you on my cock and make you thank me for it. And yeah, it could get us in a lot of trouble but I don't care anymore, though your little games out in public need to have consequences. So what will it be, sweetheart?"

You gulped down nervously, but aroused nonetheless. His heated gaze burned your skin in the most delicious way and as tempting as getting spanked by him sounded, you really wanted to be fed with his cock. At this point, him finally in front of you, you couldn't suppress your inner slut, so you dropped to your knees without further ado, looking up at him through your lashes.

"Fuck, dirty girl", he commented your choice, letting you open his belt, the fly and push his jeans down. You freed his glorious cock which was standing at attention the minute he ran into you. He was everything you ever dreamed of, thick and long, definitely intimidating at first sight, but you didn't care. You wanted to taste him, to please him. So you experimentally closed your hand around his base, jerking him slowly while you placed the first little kiss to his tip.

Negan hissed at your ministrations, looking down at you in awe as you worked him leisurely.

His left hand came crashing against the wall for support as you took him into your mouth. His right collected your locks into a lose ponytail, guiding your movements. After bobbing your head a few times, tasting and feeling him on your tongue, you swallowed more of him, earning a rich moan in return.

"Yeah, fuck, let me fuck your mouth", he said above you. You wouldn't want it any other way, your panties felt drenched at this point, so you happily obliged, grabbing his strong thighs for support.

He pushed his hips forward, pushing your head further down his cock in return. You gagged, of course you did, just as he said he would make you, so you tried to breath through your nose steadily, while his thrusts came quickier and more forceful. Your spit dribbled down your chin, tears rolling down your cheeks from the intrusion, but you loved every second of your punishment, of being used like this.

Negan pushed you down until your nose nearly hit his pubic hair and you sputtered around his length. The moan above you made you feel dizzy with desire and then finally, he let go of your hair, so you could pull back and suck in much needed air into your lungs.

"T-than-k y-ou", you stuttered out of breath, throat deliciously burning from his rough handling.

"There you fucking go, sweetheart, you took me so well, such a fantastically filthy mouth", he praised, helping you up on shaky legs. He kissed you once more, passionately and forceful, like he couldn't get enough of his taste on your tongue, then guided you to one of the desk, sitting you down, legs dangling off the edge.

Now it was him kneeling in front of you, opening up your legs to his hungry eyes.

"Shit, getting your mouth fucked should have been a punishment, instead your panties are fucking drenched. Dirty girl", he said smiling mischievously, rubbing you gently through the fabric of your panties.

Your hips bucked involuntarily against his hand, you wanted more, everything, all of him.

He stripped you off your panties, pushing your skirt up some more so he could spread your legs wider.

Without any other comment, his face buried itself between your thighs, surprising you with a broad link from your hole to your clit. You gasped, hands gripping the edge of the desk.

"Such a delicious pussy, ready to be fucked."

His dirty talk drove you mad and as his mouth closed over your clit, sucking you into his mouth, you completely lost it. Your moans turned louder by the second while he pleasured you in the best way possible, driving you towards new heights. His tongue was joined by his finger, pushing itself into your quivering pussy.

"Shit, Negan", you groaned, looking down at him.

Your praise spurred him on, fucking into you with his finger, lapping at your clit. He pulled his finger out of you to quickly return with two of them, fingerfucking you faster and faster. Your body shook above him, too much pleasure to handle. You came with a scream while he sucked at your clit mercilessly and reached spots inside of you which you didn't know existed.

When he re-emerged from between your thighs, his grin seemed to be even bigger.

"You have no idea for how long I wanted to taste your pussy. Always imagined something this beautiful must be hidden under your short skirts."

"And you have no idea how many times I dreamed about you eating me out", you responded, still high from your orgasm.

"Luckily for the both of us we can finally fuck each other's brains out."

"You've got a condom?" you asked him breathlessly after another heated kiss.

"No, sorry sweetheart. But I'm clean, I promise you that. Are you on the pill?"

You nod your head yes, then pull him against your shivering body.

"Fuck me raw", you whisper in his ear, his moan traveling through your whole body like lightning.

You didn't have to tell him twice as he lined himself up with your center and sank down into your heat with one smooth thrust.

He swallowed both of your moans with a bruising kiss, setting a steady pace. He stretched you so good, it felt amazing, better than you could have ever dreamed of.

"Fuck, you feel devine, Y/N. Such a good girl for me."

You moaned at his praise, relishing in the way he fucked into you. Your hands found their way around his neck while his wandered from your hips to your breasts, groping you through your blouse.

"The next time we fuck I'm gonna worship those perfect tits of yours and will take my fucking time with your body", he whispered into your ear.

"The next time?"

"Oh fuck...sweetheart, you think I would let you go after all these months of torture...and feeling how absolutely perfect you fit around my cock now? No fucking chance..."

He picked up the pace, pounding into you mercilessly. His lips against your neck and his fingers all over you drove you to your breaking point. His thumb came down on your clit and you were done for. You moaned his name over and over again while he kept thrusting into you, fucking you through your second orgasm.

"Fuck, gonna cum...", he warned you just moments after your waves of pleasure ebbed away. He pulled out, stroking himself against your thighs and came with a loud groan, painting your inner thighs with his seed.

You felt alive, sated, dirty and glorious at the same time, pressing him against you to kiss him passionately.

After long moments of nipping on each other's skin, he retreated from you, pulling his jeans up, fastening them again. With a smirk, he leaned down to collect your panties. You looked at him with an arched brow while your lips curled into a small smile.

"Don't worry sweetheart, I will buy you a new pair if you want. I just fucking love the idea of you returning home with my seed between your precious thighs and no fucking underwear. I bet you will touch yourself to the thought of what we just did. And that fantasy alone makes me wanna fuck you all over again until you can't walk straight."

---

Taglist: @iluvneganandjamie @happysgal @negans-attagirl @you-a-southpaw-doll

[troped-fanfic-challenge]

Chopped: Holiday Trope Exchange 2020 Masterlist!

A huge thanks to every person who signed up for our fic exchange, we got 21 really wonderful fics! We’re sorry it took us so long to get this out to you all! For anyone who isn’t sure what this was all about, this was a double blind gift exchange where each of our twenty-one (21!!!) writers were assigned four tropes from an anonymous recipient, and were tasked with writing a fic that fit our holiday theme, and included all the tropes. The only guidance from their recipient were a couple of brief notes they included during the sign up, and both the writer and recipient were revealed when we shared all the fics! A big thanks to the Tropesters who stepped up to write a second fic when we needed them! These fics, as with all our TROPED fics, were creative and unique, and found ways to utilise tropes that may seem so simple but were transformed in really spectacular ways! Please enjoy these wonderful holiday fics!

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roots in my dreamland (my house of stone, your ivy grows) (Rated M) [Bellarke]

Written by @captaindaddykru for @thelittlefanpire. The four assigned tropes were 1) Doppelgängers, 2) one character is a dancer, 3) first snow, and 4) kissing to keep a cover/a secret.

Summary: Clarke really wants it to work out with Bellamy, but as an A-list Hollywood actress there’s a lot of contractual obligations she can hide behind instead of confronting her own insecurities and past mistakes. Luckily, this Christmas she’s lucked out, and her stand-in Josie is more than willing to (completely selflessly of course) take her place.

Now comes the hard part.

brighter than moonbeams (Rated T) [Memori]

Written by @the-most-beautiful-broom for @thedefinitionofendgame. The four assigned tropes were 1) The characters play a game,2) Secret Santa, 3) Exes to Lovers, and 4) Surprise kiss.

Summary: Murphy and Emori fall in love fast, and then talk themselves out of it. Years later, their paths will cross again, and they realize that their might be parts of their story that are yet to be written.

What a way to start the year (Rated T) [Bellarke]

Written by @bellarkeshoe for @bellamysgriffin. The four assigned tropes were 1) Law enforcement partners, 2) Character gets BADLY injured and they hide it somehow only to reveal later that they are mortally wounded, 3) Characters hugging after they’ve been through hell, and 4) Kissing in the snow.

Summary: It’s New Years Eve, and Bellamy and Clarke got stuck working.

It’s Alright, It’s Okay (Rated M) [Clurphy]

Written by @sailawaymayday for @wwjacksparrowd. The four assigned tropes were 1) Found Family, 2) Groundhog Day/timeloop, 3) Character gets shot/stabbed/BADLY injured and hides the wound somehow, only to accidentally (someone else touches them and their bleeding, they collapse, etc.) reveal later that they are mortally wounded, and 4) Hurt/Comfort.

Summary: Clarke makes it onto the Ring with the rest of Spacekru. What happens when New Years Eve keeps repeating itself? And what does Murphy have to do with it?

Dancing in Graveyards: An Arkadia Anthology (Rated T) [Gen Fic]

Written by @justbecauseyoubelievesomething for @kinetic-elaboration. The four assigned tropes were 1) Small town gothic, 2) Christmas Lights, 3) First snow, and 4) Sneaking someone in/out of your window.

Summary: Three small town gothic stories intertwine as old friends reunite and try to make the best out of their lives. Raven returns home after her foster father’s death and is pulled like a magnet to her enigmatic highschool sweetheart. Jasper seeks solace from a tragedy and desperately attempts to outrun the ghosts of the past. Bellamy battles his inner demons and prays not to tear himself and his loved ones apart in the process. And all of them come to realize that they belong together, even if the place they call home is shadowed by sorrow.

do or die, you’ll never make me (because the world will never take my heart) (Rated T) [Bellarke]

Written by @shen-gong-oops for @probably-voldemort. The four assigned tropes were 1) Fake dating, 2) Amnesia AU, 3) Enemies to Friends to Lovers, and 4) Superhero AU.

Summary: As the youngest member of the Guard and the daughter of the Guard former leader, there are high expectations set for Clarke. The Marketing and PR teams at Ark expecting her to be prim and proper during any conferences, while simultaneously performing their well-rehearsed fight choreography to a T.

But when four unknown supes challenge the juggernaut that is Ark Industries, Clarke wonders if herodom isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Merry Christmas, Lovebirds (Rated G) [Murven]

Written by @kinetic-elaboration for @shen-gong-oops. The four assigned tropes were 1) One character cautiously says “i’m going to kiss you now, okay?” or some variation of that, 2) Mutual pining, 3) A misunderstanding, and 4) Tattoos.

Summary: There’s never snow for Christmas on the beach, Murphy is a culinary genius, Raven has a boyfriend, and other presumed facts, too obvious to mention.

Once Upon Our Story (Rated G) [Bellarke]

Written by @andthelightbulbclicks for @bellamythology. The four assigned tropes were 1) break-up/make-up, 2) Did they or didn’t they, 3) Extremely biased flashbacks of the same event, and 4) Bookstore or library AU.

Summary: Bellamy returns with as much fanfare as one can imagine when driving a school bus decorated as Santa Claus through town, leaving Clarke shocked and all of their friends confused given he hasn’t been home in months.

(Or: Six months ago, Bellamy left Arkadia.

Six months ago, Clarke didn’t.

Six months ago, their friends knew the relationship ended, even came up with their own versions of what really happened. But the question that they all want to know for certain– is why?)

Dream A Little Dream of Me (Rated T) [Clurphy]

Written by @queenemori for @vmreed. The four assigned tropes were 1) One character has a child, 2) Protectiveness, 3) Only one bed, and 4) Soulmates.

Summary: It was just Murphy’s luck that right as he was starting to enjoy Earth, he had to leave. But he’d rather that than succumb to a fiery death wave. He and the other residents of the Ring remembered Clarke every year during their New Year’s Eve celebration. But even when they weren’t celebrating Clarke, Murphy couldn’t seem to get her off his mind. He wished his brain would stop playing tricks on him by making him think she was alive. Clarke was dead. Wasn’t she?

i don’t wanna burn out, so wont you please set me on fire again? (Rated M) [Murven]

Written by @kuklash for @sparklyfairymira. The four assigned tropes were 1) Protectiveness, 2) Exes and Lovers, 3) Small Town AU, and 4) Characters fall on each other and have a moment.

Summary: The wind nipped at Murphy’s nose as he stood in the doorway of the gas station on the edge of town. Work was slow, as it always was after sundown, especially in the mid-December cold, but someone had to make sure the good townsfolk of Arkadia could get their milk and gas after the small general store closed. All 800 of them. He watched the cars drive by throughout the day, recognizing each and everyone of them. Bellamy’s beat up truck he worked all highschool to afford, Clarke’s clean new sedan, even that jerk Finn’s loud ass motorcycle. He watched them all pass one by one, his old classmates returning home after another semester of college at the University of Polis. The only sign that time was passing at all.

The phone inside rang, breaking him out of his melancholy, at least for now.

“Great,” he thought, sarcastically. “A phone call 10 minutes before we close.”

He walked back inside and put on the most cheerful customer service voice he could muster.

“Dropship Gas, this is Murphy. How can I he-”

A familiar female voice cut him off, leaving him cold.

“Murphy? Thank god!”

It was his ex.

Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you (Rated M) [Bellarke]

Written by @sparklyfairymira for @captaindaddykru. The four assigned tropes were 1) Celebrity AU, 2) Meet Ugly, 3) Characters must share something, and 4) Characters aren’t together but are mistaken to be.

Summary: Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffin are household names thanks to their music. They belong to the same label so they often work together on duets—even though they can’t stand one another. Their first meeting is disastrous and six years later they still can’t get along.

toward brighter days (Rated T) [Sea Mechanic]

Written by @reggieshamster for @/ashplana. The four assigned tropes were 1) Apocalyptic Log, 2) bed sharing, 3) road trip au, and 4) mythical creatures.

Summary: Dear Harper,

I am ridiculously out of it this morning. Last night, when we reached the campsite, Luna suggested we give Echo her own bedroll, since she gave hers up the night before.

Which meant Luna was sleeping with me.

Beside me.

Excerpts from Raven’s journal as she travels to Polis for the Winter Solstice Festival

three words, two hearts, one maybe (Rated G) [Bellarke]

Written by @bellamysgriffin for @bellarkeshoe. The four assigned tropes were 1) Youtuber AU, 2) best friend’s sibling, 3) frikdreina, and 4) miscommunication.

Summary: After an accident blinds Clarke, Octavia’s been encouraging her best friend to keep up with her artwork. In order to inspire her, she recruits the help of her older brother, Bellamy, who’s recently launched a new exhibition at his museum, to feature her work. Bellamy likes Clarke’s work, and he’s more than happy to help. But when she doesn’t show on the big day, he takes matters into his own hands. With an old video camera, he records people’s reactions to Clarke’s artwork so that she’ll know just how talented she is. But when he sends it to his sister, he doesn’t expect her to upload it to YouTube. And he definitely doesn’t expect to go viral.

Something Beautiful, Simple, and Bright (Rated T) [Clurphy]

Written by @wwjacksparrowd for @queenemori. The four assigned tropes were 1) Friends with Benefits AU, 2) Prank war, 3) characters are not together but are mistaken for a couple, and 4) Based on a Song.

Summary: Six months after Wonkru and Eligius manage to establish peace and divide Eden between themselves (with a little slice shaved off for Spacekru, of course), Clarke has a mission: plan a New Year’s Eve party for fifteen hundred people within three weeks.

Murphy’s mission? Stop her from burning out in the process. Oh, and if he could just get Monty to quit it with the freaking noisemakers, that would be great, too.

(…Okay, yeah, he’d also like to date Clarke for real instead of just sleeping with her. But that’s a pipe dream, right?)

put your faith in the devil and the deep blue sea (Rated M) [Clurphy]

Written by @probably-voldemort for @kuklash. The four assigned tropes were 1) Time Loop AU, 2) Characters fall on top of one another and have a “moment”, 3) Enemies to Lovers, and 4) Superhero AU.

Summary: Twenty years ago, when the clocks changed from 11:59pm on December 31st, 1999, to 12:00am on January 1st, 2000, the world ended, exactly as the doomsdayers had predicted. Now, there are only a few livable months left on Earth, and the privileged are evacuating for a life in space, abandoning the planet.

But not everyone has given up.

Clarke was only three when the world ended, and she’s spent most of her life in her mother’s lab. Now, as the last space ships are preparing to leave, her mother’s machine is finally ready, and Clarke and her mother are heading back in time to try to stop the apocalypse from happening in the first place.

An attack on the lab leads to Clarke heading back to 1995 on her own, and the past isn’t quite how Clarke’s vague memories from the beginning of her life paint it. Clarke soon discovers that not only did the machine do more than just send her back in time, but she wasn’t, in fact, sent back alone.

Will she be able to stop the apocalypse before the clock strikes midnight? Or are some parts of history unchangeable?

All I Want For Christmas (Rated T) [Memori]

Written by @thedefinitionofendgame for @the-most-beautiful-broom. The four assigned tropes were 1) Fake dating, 2) Joke kiss turned real kiss, 3) One character is sleeping and the other character is watching them totally in love, and 4) Blanket fort.

Summary: Tired of being single, Murphy decides to take matters into his own hands and get himself a girlfriend before the annual Christmas Day dinner with his friends. Having had bad luck in the past with girls - all twenty four of them - Murphy is determined to make the twenty-fifth, the “Christmas Day” number, his forever.

Of course, this is easier said than done. When his fellow coworker, Emori, seems to be having similar problems and suggests them being each other’s “fake dates” to their Christmas parties in December, Murphy jumps at the chance. Fake dating is better than being totally alone, right? It appears that way, at least until Murphy starts to catch feelings; the ones that make you question everything you think you know. As their “fake feelings” start to become more real, Murphy realizes that Emori’s the one he wants for Christmas. But she’s got walls up and even though his heart doesn’t stand a chance, Murphy’s determined to break them down and show her what falling in love really means, maybe with the help of a little December magic thrown in.

As long as we’re together, no I can’t get much higher (Rated T) [Murven]

Written by @dylanobrienisbatman for @andthelightbulbclicks. The four assigned tropes were 1) Zookeeper AU, 2) Treasure Hunt, 3) secret places, and 4) Secret Santa.

Summary: Murphy has only known Raven for a little while, but the longer he spends getting to know her, the more he realises that there’s no hope of him not falling in love with her.

So when he gets her for Secret Santa, he makes it his mission to nail it.

before i knew you (Rated G) [Clexa]

Written by @dylanobrienisbatman for @sailawaymayday. The four assigned tropes were: (1) Pen Pals, (2) 3+1, 4+1, 5+1, etc., (3) surprise kiss, and (4) character meets another characters ex.

Summary: What do you do when your penpal, the person you know the best in the world, who you love, turns out to be the rather rude (if also rather pretty) sales girl from downstairs? Lexa is about to find out. or - 3 times lexa and clarke meet without knowing they’ve been penpals since childhood, and the 1 time Lexa figures it out.

when life gives you shit, you make kool-aid (Rated M) [Becho]

Written by @reggieshamster for @dylanobrienisbatman. The four assigned tropes were: (1) Bodyguard AU, (2) Bed Sharing, (3) Kissing to Keep Cover/a Secret, and (4) a Character gets shot/stabbed/badly injured and they collapse, being caught by their loved one.

Summary: Bellamy used to have it all, and then one screw-up cost him his career and his fancy life. Now, working as a bodyguard for alcoholic businessmen and their families, he gets a call from his sister for a job… escorting a hitwoman to testify against a man convicted of crimes against humanity. What could possibly go wrong?

and left the secret at the grave (Rated T) [Clurphy]

Written by @probably-voldemort for @justbecauseyoubelievesomething. The four assigned tropes were: (1) Murder Mystery, (2) Partners in Crime, (3) Exes to Lovers, and (4) Snowed In.

Summary: At 8:57 on the morning of December 23rd, eight year old Jordan Green discovered the body of Skybox Inn owner Vera Kane on the floor of the lobby. His screams woke up the other guests of the inn, as well as the live-in butler.

The discovery of the body was followed shortly by two more discoveries. The first was that the storm the night before had knocked out the phones and the internet, and the second was that the inn was completely snowed in with no hopes of escape anytime soon.

Thirteen people trapped in an inn.

Uncountable secrets.

One murderer.

One question.

Who killed Vera Kane?

what a tangled string of Christmas lights we weave (Rated T) [Linctavia]

Written by @thelittlefanpire for @reggieshamster. The four assigned tropes were: (1) Royalty AU, (2) Cyrano AU, (3) Characters fall and end up landing on top of each other and have a “moment”, and (4) Hair brushing and/or braiding.

Summary: When the royal family loses their beloved Prince Wells, the future king of Arkadia, all eyes are on them. The Queen remains as stoic as ever, the Spare grapples with his new responsibilities, the Princess drowns in her grief, and the King is threatening to abolish the monarchy forever.

At Christmastime, as tensions in the palace rise with the vicious tabloids outside, the royal family makes an escape to a castle in the mountains, hoping to find solace and reconcile with their loss.

Princess Octavia will try to mend her broken heart back together as she becomes entranced with the letters sent back and forth between herself and another. But when it’s revealed who the true penman is, will she rise above her sorrow or sink further into it?

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Take a read! Leave a kudos/comment! Our Tropesters worked so hard on creating some unique, festive fun fics from all the amazing tropes that were sent in. Thanks again!

[raguna-blade]

So thinking bout persona, which as far as this blog is concerned is basically all I do, and I got to thinking.

So the Metaverse/Mementos, Shadow Time/Tartarus and The World in the Tv/Midnight Channel are all basically the same thing right? Not PRECISELY the same thing, but the overlap is immense and real. I'd be willing to bet that the various spinoff games Including Q and such would also count towards this in that they're kinda worlds in the sea of the Unconscious (and with at least Two Users of the Universe Arcana sleeping to keep the world secure right now, who knows what weird funky things are going on there.)

But they're generally the same thing, and part of the rules that are generally established have to deal with perception and one and all seem to exist as a rule in weird liminal spaces.

Forgive for innaccuracies it's been a while for P3 and P4, but with that out of the way.

Tartarus is a transformation of a school, and has strict limitations on how long it is active (not unlike a school really) and not only that is made up of discretely aesthetic but also very uniform locations. The Persona Users only have their one Extra Hour to make their way through (or at least in story that should be the case) and reach their final destination.

Tartarus is, without question, one of the most confusing nosense places because of course it extends up and up and up some 300 floors (apparently) which is weird, but what's perhaps weirder, at least in context of the Persona 3-5 Series of games is that there isn't really an effect upon the users precisely. Oh to be sure it effects people, it changes them into coffins which, considering the Tower's Purpose and all makes sense. The place is all about death and that great change, and the way that persona are summoned via Evoker I suppose would explain their not being coffins. There's an awareness of death there I suppose, and so an additional awareness of this special time given.

Ok. Cool.

The Midnight Channel though, it's a world more or less made up of the endless distorting fog, which alters shape to take the form of those who fall into it's greatest fears and concerns writ large and obnoxious, seemingly in an effort to have them confront themselves. At least, in theory, once the fog lifts, but formed in such a way that almost seems tailor made to have people freak the absolute hell out.

And of course, the place it exists/accessed is a television, turned off at midnight which, frankly is a pretty strange space if you're expecting anything to show up on it, or rather expecting NOTHING to show up on it right?

Everything blown up the way that it is, it makes sense that the world is endlessly foggy, not as stable as it initially appears, and all that, but as to the persona users themselves, they're...more or less just as they are. They're granted glasses by Teddie that allow them to see better, but they are otherwise not fundamentally changed.

Which...Leads us to Mementos. A Place that is explained as not only a direct connect to the sea of the unconscious, a rather different statement from the other major locales even if they too are a direct connection, but it also...changes the persona users.

The liminal space (and this is, I think admittedly, somewhat of a stretch) is more or less just any old random place, but you, distinctly, not a part of it. Well, that's the metaverse as a whole, but Mementos itself is a train station, which tracks as far as I understand the subject. It's a place of coming going, and just an endless sea of people who you really are just kind of one of.

But...Why does it change them so much? It's explained that the form that the phantom thieves take is their form of rebellion against the world. Very literally, the manifestation of their Rebellion (Of which Their Transformed Selves are paired with their Persona's with whom they made a contract).

Alright, that tracks, it's consistent to an extent, but this raises the question of why don't we see that in the other shadow worlds? Part of that, I've said before, is Because I think the Phantom Thieves are more or less playing at their Shadows as opposed to the other Persona Teams. The Shadows that We see in Persona 4 seem to be in line with what we're seeing in the Phantom Thieves, in that they are the version of their relevant person pushed to their extremes and distorted, pushed into a state of otherness for one reason or another.

Not all of them get fancy duds of course, and certainly that's at least as much because of the circumstances of their Shadow's formation (with them being dropped into the situation fully conscious as opposed to just kinda dropped int), as well as the nature and degree of their alienation. I expect that for those who didn't quite get the full transformation, they didn't quite feel that degree of alienation that you see in everyone else that develops a Full Dramatic Shadow.

Or perhaps another way to say it is, their personal view of themselves had yet to become distorted in any major way just yet.

Now the Investigation team get's to reintegrate into the world so their degree of isolation never get's to develop but it's worth pointing out that in the case of the Thieves that...doesn't actually happen.

Without fail, they're still outcasts one and all, if now outcasts that now cling together in friendship love and understanding of their circumstances.

But...

I don't know how to phrase this, but I suppose by the line of logic that I'm following here, the Phantom Thieves never quite Cohere as a group.

Like I recall hearing some folks talking about how the games seem to kinda abandon some of the character's personal plot points in rapid succession to focus on different issues, especially seen in their social links. Like the one that immediately pops to mind is Anne and Shiho and the hot nonsense that happens to them early on. Her social link instead of dealing with that at all beyond briefly touching on it as a thing that did happen, focuses instead on her modeling career, and a degree of taking that more seriously.

Which I agree is kinda bullshit. I'd love to know more about how Haru is dealing with the fallout of her dad beyond the lightish touch it gets, or more about Yusuke's relationship with his shitty dad, or more about Makoto's relationship with her sister and her parents and the like.

See, these things aren't NOT touched on, by no means. Haru's entire social link DOES deal with the fallout of her dad's death...In relation to the Company that she now holds a massive share of and not precisely related to her personally.

But they aren't really a thing that the Thieves, as a group, actually touch on. It's not a thing that get's directly dealt with constantly in the storyline as opposed to what goes down in Sees which is damnably intimate despite their initial desires. They do after all live together, and their job has just thoroughly run in and kicked them in the teeth on every front.

Hell, despite how uh...well badly(?) but definitely at least clumsily and obnoxiously (I am assuming, for a moment it's supposed to be awkward and kinda just...not great, for effect. It probably wasn't, but it's what we got, and at the very least I think it deserves an examination in that light.) The Issues that plague the Investigation squad one and all come up constantly. Kanji's issues with masculinity/homosexuality, Naoto's problems with gender/gender roles, Yukiko's princess status, Teddies Emptiness and attempts to fill that void, etc etc. It get's played with, rather directly, it get's shouted from the mountain tops, and for all that people very definitely fuck up and say some shit (Yosuke) this stuff comes up, and frequently I think.

But not with the Phantom Thieves. They're in fact, extremely guarded with each other, despite being on the same side and all that jazz.

Which leads me to Maruki, and the True End antics.

Cause see, Maruki also get's a Rebellion outift. It's not thief themed, no, it's more a kind of messiah. Or rather, A torch bearer. Whatever his means, his objective is and always was to lead people to being happier and better versions of themselves, although It's plainly obvious that he loses sight of doing that well with the method he chooses given how it's a thing that applies the same cure to every single person when that obviously wouldn't be a good idea.

Sumire says it herself, If not for him there's a good chance that she wouldn't have lasted long enough to make friends as is. And I don't think she's wrong considering how....well absolutely fucking done she was. That was not a healthy mental state that she was in BEFORE her sister died, and it wasn't much better after.

More importantly though, is what happens during that Third Semester. With the Third Persona's that everyone gained, every single one, WITHOUT FAIL, addresses the major concerns, the major events that they've all been staunchly ignoring and refusing to talk about. Ryuji's track desires, Haru's dad pain, Morgana's still burning desire to be human, all of it.

And he fixes it, and he makes, at least for a little bit, better. And in doing so, he absolutely changes the course of their lives, let's them see the way things COULD be, actually sit down and acknowledge one more part of themselves that they want to achieve, and in doing so unmasks, without fail, literally every single one of their persona's.

Well, I say unmask, but they also obviously have face coverings still going on or a degree of inorganic/ambiguous heads and faces, but the degree of difference is stark I think between that and their second persona's or their first.

Also, at least, if you actually bother to max out the social links, and just let someone actually IN, such as it is.

But back to Maruki, it's actually rather interesting that his Metaverse Outfit arguably makes him the HARDEST to identify of everyone. Yeah it's a big golden outfit with an obnoxiously huge helmet and cloak but...

The Helmet is far more interesting to look at than the person wearing it, and even looking at his face it's only really recognizable as him if you can get a clean side view. The Outfits is bright and Golden, but is otherwise unidentfiable if someone else were to be wearing it. The Cloak further makes it harder to see anything between being huge, fluttery, and covering basically anything of note body wise (and potentially facially since it again just flutters all over) In addition to his staff/torch it's...

If we're going through the Shadow Cosplay as looking at the person in questions distorted view of themselves, It's interesting that Maruki's distortion basically does everything in it's power to make him a non entity. Which, I suppose makes sense given his ultimately goal.

[alphasmoonlit-selfships]

For Jason on the shipping asks!! Pre relationship 1, 2 and 4. General 1, 5, 7, 8 and Love 1, 4, 8!! So sorry for the late ask, my friend ;;w;;

Oh my dear friend!! No need to be sorry! These asks are so fun! And an ask of my sweet storm, a day after his birthday! 🥺🥺 much acceptance! 😤💖

Let’s dive in! 🥰🐺🐺 I wanted to give a good split between The Legendary Wolf Warrior’s and Digimon AU, but it is just going to be hella long uwu; so I’ll go with Digimon College Au for now! There is also a second first impression and meet later, buuuuut will go with the first! ^^’

Pre-Relationship:

1. How did they first meet?

It is about second semester of new uni for Danielle, she was on her way back to her university’s town, riding on Cyberwolfmon on the way over. Jason was with his sister, Lula, Lidia, and Thomas, having a short outing nearby the area, when a rogue Digimon appears and let us just say Jason gets grabbed protecting his sister and goes airborne by this Rogue. Raiwolfmon’s champion form manages to strike the Rogue and Jason is free falling from there after. Until! Danielle swoops in and saves his life, almost falling herself, she is small and he tall like,,, girl! Know your limit!

The Rogue was defeated and everyone was safe and sound! 

2. What was their first impression of each other?

Hehe, honestly, after that saving, Jason was utterly smitten by Dany, with her crooked smile and shining eyes as she tells him, “Gotcha there friend!” when she catches him from falling. His words all tongue tied and unable to say anything, but fluster and gratitude. Even as they all scramble to get some covering from authorities that heard some of the commotion.

She is honestly concerned over Jason, of course, understanding what it is like to fall from a great height like that and how shaking it is! She does admit that he is handsome and his pale blue eyes the most captivating thing about him... But doesn't let it linger for long, not when she is feeling affections for someone else... 

Nonetheless, Danielle is utterly excited to know Jason, along with Lidia who is another Digimon holder with her Earthamon! She takes their contact info and heads on her way soon after (always a shy lass to much action is overwhelming). Even so, she gives Jason the kindest smile and tell him to be careful, or she’ll come saving him again~

He, of course, doesn't mind at all, but is not hearing the end of it from his sister and fellow roommates~ 🥺😳

4. Who felt romantic feelings first?

Jason! Definitely my dearest storm. Although a clear crush at the start from her saving him, upon meeting her again did he slowly grow more feelings of affection. Curious to know more about her and her major and such... even when she had clear affections for someone else, he held back his feelings a lot, more than happy and content to be in her presence and get to know her more as a person. Both definitely had a strong friendship for a long time, but until things got messy in the Digital World did things between them start to move along.

Note: I will say that Danielle does grow feelings for Jason in their duration of friendship in the real world, it is...just difficult to fully explain, as another plot device keeps them from truly turning to one another as their true person of affection. 

General:

1. Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?

Oof, the one thing I haven't truly thought of...

Jason most definitely! Believe me, these two are the slowest burn ever ;;w;; TakaSam is the slow burn in canon, but Digimon AU? That place goes to JayDany lol.

They are definitely in the Digital World when they confess, about a few years in, memory wipe and everything. It probably happens sometime after a battle with the Sins or a significant Digimon, Jason definitely confesses to Dany in recovery, maybe even kisses her too,,, or maybe that was her UwU, who knows? Nonetheless, they are finally together after such a long time, Jason is over the moon and just so in love with her, Dany has honestly never felt so light, even when evolving with Darkwolfmon, her heart is just warm and full ♥️🥰

5. What’s their height difference? Age difference?

UwU you know meeee~ am smol and he be tol <3 Danielle’s height varies depending on my AUs,,, but she is 4′9″ like me~ Canon wise she is 5′4″. Jason is about 6′1″, while canon him is about 6′4″. So about 14 inches between them UwU’’’

Danielle is 21 and Jason is 22 when they first meet! They are a year and two days apart in age! Canon wise they are both 22 with a two day gap in age!

7. Who takes the lead in social situations?

Jason! He is just more social and curious, despite his abusive upbringing by his stepfather, he has always been more interested in learning and meeting new people, he has a soft disposition to him that makes him more approachable to others around campus. He does get skittish and wary around older men who have a rough edge to them or stern way of speaking as it reminds him of his stepfather.

Although, later on in the digital world, Danielle herself, along with Takaru and their Digimon, becomes a voice and leader of convincing the Digimon to follow in their quest to defeat the grand evil that is causing the digital world to crumble. Of course... not by her choice, more so after the convincing of the others~

8. Who gets jealous easier?

Danielle! Yeah... our way of being jealous is honestly just self-loathing more than anything UwU’’’ feelings of self worth and not being good enough clouds the mind a lot. She never acts on her jealousy and it is often spent with Jason slowly getting her to talk about her feelings. She doesn't like thinking badly about anyone, and feelings of guilt soon come in which leads to the intrusive thoughts.

In a more solidified relationship, Danielle is more confident and trusting of Jason, growth in her self worth and confidence definitely grows!

Love:

1. Who said “I love you” first?

Jason! He may have said it once or twice before they were taken to the Digital World, probably a small murmur before Dany left or when they were having a moment~ But it does happen for real, real in the Digital World, he is probably on some pain meds, but they are the truest words. Dany does return the affections though actions and much later tells “Te amo, te amo con todo mi corazon, Jason; esa es mi verdad” (I love you, I love you with all my heart, Jason; that is my truth).

Precious Jay, he is just so in love with her, embraces and carries her.

4. What are their favorite things to do together?

Honestly, just being around each other, even before their relationship began, Dany just enjoyed his lively presence, he had a patient and beautiful demeanor, the way he spoke about his interest and engineering just made her smile. He had the tendency to ramble about happy moments he barely recalled and never interrupted him when he spoke on it. 

He enjoys her calm presence just as much, but when she speaks, it’s like she is telling him about a world unknown. Talking about her imaginings and tales just made him fall more for her. Often the one to push her to talk more about her stories and art in a way not many really heard about. He often asks her to teach him more on art and is often the one he turns to for critiquing. He is also one of the first from the group to hear her sing, encouraging her further and falling for her soft voice.

Stargazing is another thing, Jason never once thought of the endless sky or universe before Danielle showed him more. Flying on Cyberwolfmon with her, before the digital world? Now that is some intimacy building right there! Listening to music, while it rains heavily outside, and they are both just working together on their own thing? Some nice intimacy building! Both just catching a break from saving the world and running through a field so in love with each other and just imagining a life together with their friends and Digimon with them?? Omg yes! 💕💖😳💖💕

8. What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

UwU I got all the songs, lol, a mess, but here are some!

Heart, Venus, Two by Sleeping At Last (Definitely Jason’s POV in the first two, w/ a mix of both in the last)

Spark (The Hunger Games: Catching Fire) by Arshad (Mix of both, but Jason singing)

7 years by Lukas Graham (Cover by Jasmine Thompson) (Danielle’s POV)

Love by Nathan Wagner (Jason’s POV)

Many, many thanks for the ask my dear friend! I truly appreciate it! 🥰🥰 I miss my stormy boi so much, you have no idea! I definitely need to give him some love (along with my other warriors ;;w;;) too! 🥰🥺🥰

[maybemarvelbaby]

Freckle

A/N: So, this is my first work on tumblr, I hope you enjoy it! <3

Paring: soulmate!Peter Parker x Reader

Warnings: Strong Language, Angst, Fluff

AU: Soulmate (tattoo)

Notice:

(Y/N) = Your Name

(Y/H/T) = Your Hometown

(Y/H/C) (Y/E/C) = Your Hair/Eye Colour

Everyone has a tattoo that they are born with, well almost everyone. There are a few unlucky souls who are born without the privledge of the universe giving them a permanent marking. ‘What is the importance of a silly tattoo?’ You may be asking, well it’s a lot more important than you might think.

In this world, people are born with two halves. One is you and the other, your soulmate. If you are fortunate enough to be given a soulmate (although it is more uncommon to not have one) you will bear a unique tattoo somewhere on your body. The only copy of said tattoo with be on the body of your soulmate in the same place that it is on you.

You’ve lived your whole life wondering where your tattoo was, that was until your parents broke the news to you. You didn’t have one.

Needless to say, you were devastated. You had spent almost 15 years of your life assuming your tattoo was somewhere you couldn’t see it, but it wasn’t anywhere on you. It crushed you to know that all of the fantasies you had about meeting your soulmate would never come true. But, as time went on, you learned that it was okay. That there are other people without a soulmate that still need love, so you decided that the universe had actually blessed you, instead of giving you a curse.

Three years after you discovered you had no soulmate, you had finally accepted it, and decided to find someone like you.

“(Y/N)!! Come sit over here!!” The calls from your best friend, Michelle Jones (though everyone called her MJ), echoed across the cafeteria, snapping you from your thoughts. You quickly made your way across the cafeteria to sit next to her.

You and MJ had been friends since diapers, until in the third grade when she moved from (Y/H/T) to Queens. You two still communicated often and your parents set up countless play dates.

Needless to say, you were estastic when your father landed a new job in Queens and received the news that your little family of four would be moving there. Your little sister, on the other hand, was not as excited. She had just found her soulmate, they had a matching set of white daisies tattooed on the back of their right hands, and she was not too keen on leaving her. Though family came first, and she had to leave her love behind.

“Hey MJ! It’s been what, like, 6 months since we last hung out?” You asked, easily striking up a conversation.

“Yeah, now that you live here though, hanging out won’t be as expensive.” She laughed at her own joke, the laughter soon doubling as you remembered how expensive it was to get plane tickets once a month.

“I’m so glad I’m here.” You smiled.

“Me too, oh! By the way, I want you to meet a few people.” Her eyebrows lifted and her eyes grew wide as a big smile etched across her face. She turned your attention to the three boys that sat across you.

“Hey there! I’m Jason. MJ has told us a lot about you, it’s good to finally put a face to the name.” The first boy said, his blonde hair and blue eyes barely catching your attention as soon as he stuck his hand out. You noticed a small rose tattooed across his upper arm. You gasped when you noticed the familiar sight.

“Oh my god! MJ! You didn’t tell me you found your soulmate!” You exclaimed, faking frustration with your friend. She scoffed and rolled her eyes affectionately.

“Yeah that’s him, now hurry up and meet the other two.” She replied.

The second boy perked his head up and smiled widely in your direction, the outline of a thin heart, full of complex designs was located right below his jaw.

“Hi! I’m Ned.” He said extending his hand like the boy before him did. You shook it smiling.

“(Y/N), nice to meet you.”

The last boy was seemingly distracted by whatever he was writing in his little notebook. A small, black spider marking sat on his left thumb. Ned noticed the boy’s lack of attention to the current situation and nudged his friend in the side, before nodding his head in your direction.

“O-oh, sorry. Hey, umm, I’m Peter. You must be (Y/N). MJ has been crazy about you moving here all week.” He chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his neck. You smiled at him warmly and his anxiety seemed to fade.

The five of you spent the rest of lunch together, talking about god knows what and making the stupidest jokes. MJ seemed to notice the quick friendship that you and Peter managed to form, smirking lightly to herself.

Soon, the bell rang, signalling it was time to head back to classes. You stood up and walked out with MJ, the boys insisting that you two go ahead and that they will clean up the table, allowing you to get a much needed five minutes of girl time.

“So...” MJ started, “No tattoo still?”

You shook your head scoffing to yourself. “Nope.”

“I’m sorry, (Y/N)... I know how bad you wanted a soulmate.” MJ said sighing.

“It’s okay, MJ. There are other people like me who don’t have one, I’m just gonna do my best to make do with what I got.”

MJ nodded, before leaning in to whisper in your ear, “Word of warning, you might wanna tattoo something on yourself with a pen or something because Flash Thompson loves to pick on people who don’t have soulmates. He’s pretty brutal about it too.”

You nodded in agreement as the two of you walked into your shared chemistry classroom, sitting at the same lab table. You pulled out a pen before quickly drawing two lines encircling the ring finger of your left hand. You showed it off the MJ.

“That’s kinda cute, honestly. Simple, but cute.” She said taking yo ur hand to admire it. Peter soon walked in and noticed the two of you, walking over to stand in front of your lab table.

“No soulmate?” He asked, “Don’t worry, I won’t tell.” He mimicked a sipping motion across his lips and you chuckled, muttering a quiet ‘thanks’ as he left to go sit at the table behind you.

Before you knew it, school was already over. It was faster than you originally thought, and you assumed it has to do something with how much fun the people you made friends with were.

Everyday you were in school for seemed to go by in the blink of an eye, and before you knew it, it was already the end of the second quarter. You and Peter’s friendship had grown fast. You learned about how he had no idea who his soulmate was, and he often seemed uncomfortable talking about soulmate business, so you often did your best to not bring it up.

Because it was almost the end of the first semester, midterms were coming up. You were a straight A student, with over a 95 in every class, except for one, Spanish. In said class, you had a 90, and it was killing you. You weren’t bad at Spanish, in fact, the language came almost naturally to you. You could write and understand it with ease. The part you had trouble with was speech. You knew how to pronounce each word and how to properly for sentences, but your teacher was a little bit over enthusiastic. He made it a point to give you a partner each week, and the two of you would have to present a little skit (spoken in Spanish of course) in front of the rest of the class. The stage-fright that you got was almost ridiculous. You would freeze up and stumble over your words, often throwing your partner off course and ending things badly for the both of you. The midterm assignment was no different.

Instead of a test, your Spanish teacher decided to pair everyone up and have them prepare a 15 minute conversation that each group would present privately to the teacher. Luckily, you managed to get the one person you trusted most in your Spanish class, Peter. He was practically fluent in the language and he didn’t give you the same anxious feeling when he was around you.

The two of you decided that it may be a good idea to head to his apartment after school and begin working on the project. So, that’s exactly what you did.

The two of you raced to his apartment complex, and you beat his to the elevator, holding onto the wall so you could steady yourself and catch your breathe. No less than three seconds later, Peter was in the elevator, hand on the opposite wall and chest heaving. He glanced at you and the two of you make eye contact. A light laugh erupted from the both of you as you humoured yourselves at your shared childishness. The elevator opened as soon as your heart finally stopped racing, and you two went down the hall and into his apartment. A young looking woman stood in the kitchen, scraping burnt food off of a nonstick cooking pan.

“Hey Aunt May! This is (Y/N), we’re gonna be in my room practicing for our Spanish assignment.” Peter called out. Aunt May whipped her head around and a wide smile spread across her face.

“Hello, it’s nice to meet you, I’m Peter’s Aunt May.” She greeted.

“Hello ma’am, it’s nice to meet you. Peter talks very affectionately about you.” You replied with a polite smile, extending your hand. She blushed and chuckled.

“Honey, please. Call me May.” She chuckled, ignoring your request for a hand shake and wrapped her arms around you instead. “We don’t do handshakes, we give hugs.”

You stiffened for only a moment before relaxing and accepting the hug.

“Dinner will be ready soon, if I don’t burn it again.” She said, drawing back from the hug and allowing you and Peter to go back to his room and get to work.

“Sorry about her, she kinda touchy.” Peter chuckled nervously.

“It’s alright Peter, I don’t mind.” You replied comfortingly, a small sigh of relief escaped his lips, and you giggled.

“Let’s get to work. Shall we?” He asked, clasping his hands together.

“Sure,” you nodded, “where do you want to start?”

“Umm... I’m not sure. Why don’t we just say whatever comes to our minds in Spanish.” Peter suggested.

“Alright sure ummm.....” you tapped your index finger on your chin, thinking of what to say, “Mi pelo es (Y/H/C) y mis ojos son (Y/E/C)?”

“That’s works okay, umm... Me gustan tus ojos. Son muy bonitos.” You blushed at his words.

“Gracias. Me gusts tu cabello rizado, es muy lindo.” His cheeks flushed with pink when you spoke and he cleared his throat.

“Me gustan muchos tus labios.”

“Me gustan tus labios también.”

Peter face grew hot and he shifted nervously before speaking his next words. “¿Puedo besarte?”

Your face flushed bright red. The quiet ‘sí’ you tried to say barely left your mouth before his lips were on yours. For a moment, it felt right, until you realised that it wasn’t. You suddenly pushed his off of you. He looked back at you, eyes wide in shock.

“What the hell are we doing Peter?!” You squeaked, “What the fuck was that?! I don’t know what you’re doing but you need to cut it out, now!”

“(Y/N)... what are you talking abou-”

“No, shut it, Parker,” You snapped, regretting it slightly as he winced at the way his name left you lips. “You know I don’t have a soulmate! We both know that you do! What kind of friend are you that you lead me on like that?!”

“(Y/N)... I-I ne-”

“I don’t care Peter. I’m going to talk to Mr. Valdes tomorrow and ask to switch partners. I can’t work with you if your gonna do that shit... I’m sorry Peter. I don’t belong to you...” You grabbed your bag and grabbed te handle of the door, but before you could turn the knob, a sticky string stopped you. You whipped your head around to see Peter, looking at you determined and hopeful.

“(Y/N)... there are a couple things I have to tell you.”

You sigh, and decide maybe it was in the moment and that he just wanted to apologize or something, so you stopped fighting the web on your hand and nodding, signaling him to go on.

“Okay uh... the first one is that I uh... I am... umm...”

“Spit it out Parker!” You said, frustrated.

“I don’t have a soulmate.”

Your eyes grew wide, “W-what?”

“This isn’t my tattoo...” he stated as he grabbed a tissue and wiped the small spider tattoo off of his thumb. “I don’t have a soulmate either.”

“P-Peter... I am so sorry... I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay. I was kinda happy that you didn’t have one either... I kinda like you a lot.”

“I like you too Peter. Now, care to explain what this is?” You asked motioning to the web with your free hand.

“Oh yeah, I’m also kinda Spider-Man.”

“You’re just full of surprises aren’t you Peter Parker?” You asked affectionately. He chuckled before grabbing you left hand, since it wasn’t glued to the door knob. You looked down at them and suddenly another surprised gasp left you lips.

“Peter? What is that?” You asked, pointing to a small dot on his left thumb, under where the spider was.

“Oh, that? It’s just a freckle in think. I was born with it.” He shrugged.

“Peter... I don’t thinks that’s a freckle.” You smiled, shaking your head. His eyebrows creased in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I think that’s your tattoo.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because Peter,” you looked up again, catching his eyes in an affectionate gaze, “I have the same ‘freckle’ on my hand as well.”

An excited gasp left his lips.

“Y-you mean?”

“Yes, Peter, we are soulmates.” You laughed and his smile grew wider and he hugged you tight. He pulled back from the hug before capturing your lips in a loving kiss.

The next day at school, you told MJ all about the previous night’s events.

“Well, show me the tattoo then.” She said. You lifted up your left hand and pointed to the little black dot on your finger. She scoffed lightly and rolled her eyes affectionately.

“That is the dumbest tattoo I’ve ever seen.” She teased and you just laughed with her.

“The universe works in mysterious ways.”

[dandelliongirl]

What a year

2020 was..

The last time I wrote anything it was April, and now it is the 23rd of December and I’m about to go spend Christmas with my family. My last failed attempt at christmas bread is in the oven (for some reason it didn’t proof at all, I guess I put too much flour in..) and I’m cooking up some Christmas porridge on the stove. Watch me burn that in a moment too.. For some reason this whole autumn has been a very stressful disaster. I am still working from home and just logged myself off of work until the 7th of January 2021. Maybe because I’ve been working from home it feels difficult to get into holiday mode. At least we got some snow today so it looks beautiful.

Spring and summer 2020 were an absolute dream! With no responsibilities and the possibility to work from anywhere I got to spend so much time with my family and at our summer house away from the stress of the real world. I could not have dreamt of a better summer, and apart from strawberry picking (at an actual farm, not just from my own strawberry plants) I got to finish off my summer’s to-do list. I even made a cute little summer video with my old Canon EOS 100D (yes - I have a new Canon EOS 90D now!). Endless days of exploration, swimming, biking, sauna, gardening, having lunch with the midsummer roses, baking rhubarb galettes with my own rhubarb from the garden, biking to the ice cream van, SUP-boarding with dad and spending so much time outdoors made me happier than I could ever be. I cannot believe how many beautiful things COVID has given me despite it’s awful impact on the world.

The start of the autumn semester was chaotic to say the least. Practically all of our system integrations are behind one developer, and he happened to be on vacation when everything went down, and study rights did not transfer correctly. This lead to an insane rush of support requests across the board, and lots of extra stress. I was exhausted and scared after last autumn’s disasters and definitely didn’t need another one to start the new semester. I’m starting to seriously fear August... Other universities have tens of people in their technical support, and we have TWO (sometimes 3). In more positive news I was given a permanent job contract starting August, which was amazing, and makes me so grateful especially during a year when many lose their jobs and get laid off. I guess that also contributes to my levels of stress as I cannot hide behind “I just work here for another few months”, but I have to actually take responsibility and ownership as a permanent team member.

Basically a lot of things escalated at work this autumn because our entire staff is way over burdened with COVID changes and the systems not working in an ideal fashion. Because our organisation does not have clear and defined process ownerships many changes come alongside the implementation of new systems, which puts me as a system admin (and not a process expert) in an awkward position. Hopefully our organisation will be able to develop and reconfigure responsibilities with some outside help, but for some reason my hopes aren’t very high.. All in all the anger and frustration of the organisation has been reflecting on the way people treat us and each other and as an empath it has been very exhausting. Luckily my new team is amazing and I’m having so much fun working with them - even though we aren’t physically working together at the office. I cannot imagine how it would be if my previous colleague hadn’t left. I hope she is happy and thriving as well!

All in all what got me through the autumn was the fact that I got to work from home. Being able to take a 10-15 minute nap when things got overwhelming pretty much saved me. Also the fact that I can wear whatever, make tea or snacks whenever I need to and don’t have to spend time moving from one location to the other. My guy got his own computer desk and a proper chair, and we’ve both been working from our very crammed but cozy livingroom. Even though our hobbies have been on and off I’ve gotten a few moments to myself and have also gotten used to doing my thing even though he is always here. No big relationship drama apart from the occasional little argument.

Ballet and body combat got to continue in person for most of the season. The last couple of weeks of ballet classes were on Teams, and the last body combat class was on Facebook with the season ending a couple of weeks early, but other than that having hobbies outside the house definitely helped. I have also loved having my ballet friend stay home instead of studying abroad. Obviously it sucks for her because it has meant a lot of changes to her plans, but I’ve needed her so much, and enjoyed our walks, hanging out together, going to ballet and the hours we spent outside talking on our way back. Ballet classes have been pretty easy as we only go to pointe and adult classes, but at least we are having fun together, and I like to somewhat maintain my skills even though I am not improving by miles. It’s also easier for the body as I’m definitely no longer a teenager. Starting next year we’ll have a fancy new studio!

After the relaxing summer it has definitely felt like I don’t have enough hours in a day or days in a week to do everything I need to. I cannot believe how I used to do all this and so much more pre-COVID but I guess it’s all because Animal Crossing didn’t take anywhere between 30 minutes to 5-8 hours a day. Oops. Needless to say I have been loving ACNH even though the Halloween and Turkey Day events were a bit too easy compared to New Leaf. I have high hopes for Toy Day tomorrow (YIKES! TOMORROW?) even though I haven’t had to go through the usual process of noting down all my villagers’ wishes, which I definitely miss. I am sad the diy recipe RNG has been so bad though. I’ve spent a couple of days spawning balloons on my beach, and never got the big Christmas tree diy in time. Maybe I’ll get it tonight but it’s definitely too late for this year.. Maybe next year then. I didn’t struggle this much with the maple and mush series diys..

So yeah, last summer me and my friend finished our old photography project and I edited the last sets of photos to give the finished book for her as a Christmas present. I love the project a lot because the learning curve is so apparent between photoshoots, and I found my “style” throughout the process. My EOS 100D started to get weird electronical bugs and definitely wasn’t running very well anymore, so after insane amounts of research I decided to get the EOS 90D from a Black Friday sale. I still need a memory card and a new camera bag for it since it’s so much bigger, but I’ve already planned out some future photoshoots and the theme of the new project, which can be described as “Adventure”, “Expedition” or “Discovery”. I just hope my friend will have time to model for me because I’m yearning to go try my new camera out.

My boyfriend and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary with a friend couple who started dating a week after we did. We took an extended weekend trip to a national park, a spa and a rental cabin. It was so much fun and a very special way to celebrate 10 years together. Especially with an exceptional year like this one has been.

Yesterday me and mum went to granny and grandpa’s place to help with the last of their Christmas preparations, take over some food and sing Christmas songs. I took our old piano book with me and mum played the piano while we sang. Grandpa got teary eyed during a special song and it was so incredibly bittersweet. I don’t want to lose my grandparents but I know it won’t be long since they are both approaching 100 years. I am so thankful for them, and for the time I’ve gotten to spend with them. I just wish I could remember more of it. It seems so unfair that we never have enough time with all our loved ones, and there are so many childhood memories other people remember that I don’t. I wish I could go back in time and observe myself spending time with my grandparents to memorise everything. If I ever have children I’m going to take so many photos and videos to preserve as much as I can for them.

In my post from April I wrote that I had been looking at houses and vacant lots. Well, the house of a childhood friend of mine is listed and I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve arranged my mortgage and left an offer. The sellers didn’t accept my first offer so now I’m going to see the house again on the 30th to see if it’s wort raising my offer. I like the house but it’s definitely a bit inconvenient as it is a 3 storey house and way too big and expensive for our current needs. I just really like the area and it is one of the best houses in that neighborhood. I’m going to let things progress naturally though, and if I end up with the house then it was meant to be. If someone else makes a higher offer I won’t be upset either since we have no immediate need to move. It’s just a bit crammed in our current apartment and I would definitely like to have an actual office for my photography equipment, and a sewing machine/crafting space.

Looks like my christmas bread cracked pretty badly but at least it rose a little in the oven.. Hopefully it is edible. At least the one I made for granny and grandpa turned out better.. Time to go scarf down the last of my porridge (which I didn’t burn by the way!) and then try to get all my stuff over to mum and dad’s place. Christmas preparations this year have been crazy busy and I definitely regret not being able to enjoy the season enough but hopefully I’ll get more in the spirit tonight. I’m really happy with the gifts I got mum, dad and my guy this year (online and early in October/November to avoid the rush).

I’m hoping to make a new year’s post on here as well either before 2021 or during the first week. I just like writing things down so that I can look back on where I’ve been. :)

Happy holidays whether you’re spending them with your loved ones (in real life or through a video call) or alone.

[gamerwoo]

[SF9 Imprinted] Inseong: Home is Where the Heart Is

@neverknewgrey2016 asked: Idk, something with Inseong probably. I’m feeling fluff but really whatever you want tbh

Characters: Inseong x female reader

Genre/warnings: werewolf au, college au, fluff, some crack, slight angst but like super slight i swear

Word count: 2,698

Summary: Having a long distance relationship is hard enough, but it’s even worse when you’re a werewolf struggling to deal with the pull to their mate. 

a/n: hello!! for anybody who doesn’t know, Imprinted is a series I have for multiple groups I write for. they’re all set in the same universe and do mingle sometimes but for the most part, each group’s respective series is separate. it’s all based on request aka you request more parts for somebody (you can include what genre you want and even a plot) and I’ll write it if it goes with the story (for example, you couldn’t request for Inseong to have a mate that’s one way if his mate in this is another). you can see what’s already been requested here! (and anything in bold in this story is in english)

Next | Imprinted Masterlist

“Wait, Dawon did what?”

“It was only a small fire, don’t worry about it.”

“Inseong, that’s very worrying.”

“Hey, have I ever told you that your Korean’s getting better?”

You chuckled, your eyes closing briefly as you shook your head. You knew he was just trying to distract you from what he just told you, but you decided to go with it since he already told you that nobody was hurt and nothing burned down.

You held your phone to your ear, trying to adjust the textbook you were carrying in your other arm with your knee, letting out a soft sigh, “I kind of have to get better if I want to spend my life with you.”

“I dunno,” Inseong replied, “some people make it without speaking a lot of Korean here.”

While Inseong was your mate, you lived a 23-ish hour flight away from him. While he was in South Korea, you were all the way in America. You only met Inseong when you went to Korea to study for a semester, and Inseong was hired at the translator for your program. It was literally love at first sight.

Of course, dropping the werewolf bomb on you wasn’t easy. You could be described as a laid back person, but anybody would freak out a little bit realizing the person they had strong feelings for could shift into a giant wolf. But once your panic subsided, things were fine.

Well, up until you had to go back home.

“So...is Inseong gonna die?” Chani wondered when he found out you were going home, sounding like he just asked what the weather was like outside.

“No, because she didn’t deny him,” Youngbin explained, “but he definitely won’t be at his best without his mate nearby for however long.”

You’d been back home in America for three very long months, and all you wanted was to be able to cuddle and kiss your boyfriend again. You tried your best to make the timezone thing work, too, so you could talk to each other, but that was difficult. Basically, everything about being in a long distance relationship with such strong ties to each other was a struggle.

You couldn’t even imagine what it must’ve been like for Inseong.

“You know, a few more paychecks and I should have enough to come visit!” Inseong informed you cheerily.

Ever since you left to go back home, Inseong had been keeping what was in his savings to go see you. He wasn’t sure for how long, but any little bit of time would be enough for him after not being near you for three months.

Little did he know that you were saving up, too.

“It’s so boring here,” you told him as you put your book on top of your car and unlocked the door. “I don’t even know what we’d be able to do together.”

“Doesn’t matter. As long as I’m with you, it’ll be fun.”

“God, you never get any less cheesy, do you?”

“Nope, I only get more cheesy!”

-

Things with the pack were getting a little...complicated this last week. Inseong wasn’t the only one to imprint in the pack, with Chani having imprinted but keeping his mate as far away from the pack as possible, and Juho recently found his since Inseong last spoke to you, and she was trying to keep herself away from him. Juho was a lot more open about his mate, though, so everybody pretty much assumed what the issue was: she was afraid. They all understood, but considering you were pretty open after that initial shock, and Chani’s mate didn’t even seem to care, this was kind of a wake up call to the pack that the rest of them could have mates just as difficult to get through to.

For now, though, they were trying to help Juho do just that: get her to warm up to him.

“The only way she’ll ever like me is if I’m not...me,” Juho sighed, dropping his head in his hands.

“I hope I get a mate like Inseong’s,” Dawon mumbled, but with Juho’s hearing, he heard it. He lifted his head to glare at the older wolf, so Dawon added, “...Sorry.”

“Not every person will be okay with all of this,” Inseong reminded them. “Even  _____ was afraid.”

“But not for long,” Rowoon pointed out, only to realize he wasn’t really helping.

“It’s a lot to take in: werewolves existing, being told they’re meant to be with you forever, and everything that comes with that. It’s really scary from their perspective,” Inseong tried to reason. He had spent a lot of time trying to look at the situation through your eyes when he first told you and you’d panicked about it. “You’ll gain her trust in time.”

“Werewolves don’t have time,” Taeyang reminded them. “If she doesn’t accept him as her mate soon, then...”

He trailed off, pretending to choke himself while he dramatically stuck out his tongue and rolled his eyes up into his head.

Chani gave him a blank look, “...She’ll strangle him to death?”

Taeyang sighed, using his hand to hit the youngest in the arm instead, “I’ll strangle you.”

Everybody knew what would happen if a werewolf wasn’t accepted by their mate: death. It happened slowly, the wolf’s life getting drained little by little over the course of about a month until they just died. The just needed their mate that badly that they couldn’t live without them.

The only way that wouldn’t happen was if the mate died, but it was still an awful thing to live through. But without that pull there, fate would reset, and they’d have a new mate to find. It was kind of fucked up, but it was how things worked.

“Ooh, you know what you should do?” Dawon spoke up excitedly, his golden eyes wide as he pointed at Juho. “You should save her from danger! Like in Twilight!”

“You watched Twilight...?” Youngbin asked slowly, making a face at him.

Ignoring the alpha, Dawon continued, “When Bella got in trouble, Edward was always there to save her! And now look at them!”

“They’re fictional,” Inseong reminded him.

Jaeyoon shrugged, “It would gain her trust though, I guess. But she’s not in trouble, and I don’t suggest you get her into any.”

“I wouldn’t!” Juho whined, seeming offended his brother would even think he’d do that. “But...Dawon, tell me more about this.”

Inseong sighed and rolled his eyes, standing up to leave the living room before this conversation got any weirder. He just hoped things were sorted before he had to leave for America. He was so close to having enough for the round trip, he just needed a little bit more. But if his pack was still a mess, how could he leave them? Sure, he wasn’t the alpha, but as the oldest, he felt he should stick around to make sure everybody was okay and nobody was getting in trouble. Plus, with Juho being rejected meant he wouldn’t have much time left, which was why the pack was scrambling for ideas.

He shook his head. He couldn’t think negatively. For now, he had to focus on the positives. It wouldn’t be long until he could see you again and hold you in his arms, and that was all he wanted to think about.

-

As always, Inseong tried to call you everyday. However, about a week and a half after the time you spoke to him and he told you how Dawon set the microwave on fire, Inseong didn’t sound as happy as every other time he had called you since then.

“Inseong, what happened?” you asked, knowing something was wrong just from the tone of his voice.

He sighed deeply and stayed silent for a moment before saying, “I can’t come to see you.”

You didn’t understand that. Did he not want to? Did something happen to the pack? Did something happen to him?

“What, why?” you asked.

“This is going to sound dumb, but Juho punched my car.”

Now you were quiet, not really knowing what to say to that. His brother...punched his car? Like, for fun or what?

“Can I have elaboration on that?” you asked.

So Inseong began to tell you the story of how Juho’s mate was terrified of him because he was a werewolf, and how Dawon had come up with this dumb idea that was inspired by Twilight of all things, and Juho hadn’t understood it all that well.

“So?” Dawon had asked eagerly when Juho had come through the door. “What happened?”

“I punched a car,” Juho replied, but he didn’t seem happy.

Then Inseong took in his words and turned to talk to the younger wolf that was now looking through the fridge and running a hand through his hair.

“I’m sorry, you did what?” Inseong asked.

“I punched a car like Dawon told me to,” he repeated, looking at the eldest around the door of the fridge.

Not only was Inseong staring at Juho like he was stupid, but Dawon was too -- and that was saying something because Dawon was the king of doing dumb things.

“That’s not what I--” Dawon cut himself off, sighing and shaking his head, “Whatever. So what happened?”

Juho shut the fridge with slight force, throwing his hands out to his sides in frustration, “She’s even more terrified of me.”

“Well yeah, you punched a car for no reason!” Inseong laughed.

“Wait,” Dawon spoke up, holding up a finger as he narrowed his eyes at Juho, “who’s car did you punch...?”

Now, instead of looking annoyed and upset, Juho looked nervous and slightly scared.

“So I had to pay to get my car fixed because he didn’t even punch the side of it like in the movie, he punched into the hood and actually broke something in the engine,” Inseong sighed in frustration. “And by ‘something’ I mean ‘a lot of things’.”

You frowned even though he couldn’t see, “I’m sorry, baby.”

“I’m just so upset I can’t go see you now,” he said, sounding completely defeated. “I’ve been saving up for so long and now I’m back to almost nothing in my savings. I have to save up all over again.”

With how upset your boyfriend sounded, you wanted to just blurt out your plans. You felt so bad because he sounded so heartbroken, but you wanted to surprise him. Plus, the surprise would mean so much more to him now.

“Don’t worry, we’ll figure something out,” was all you told him.

-

Tired. The only thing you felt was tired. You couldn’t even feel happiness or excitement because jet lag was a bitch and you wanted to just curl up in bed and pass out. But it was the middle of the day here so that wasn’t really ideal. You were wondering if maybe a short nap would suffice but you were scared you’d sleep through your alarm and then be awake all night.

It definitely took a lot to transfer to this new university, but it would be well worth it. You just had to stay awake long enough to call Inseong, but you weren’t sure if you could even do that. But you were going to force yourself to.

Standing in the middle of your new dorm, you went to Inseong’s contact in your phone and called. It rang longer than normal, and you thought maybe you caught him at a bad time at work -- if you weren’t so sleepy, you’d know today was his day off -- before somebody answered.

“Hi, _____!” somebody chirped.

“Um...who is this?” you asked.

“Rowoon,” he replied with a chuckle. “Sorry, I should’ve figured you wouldn’t know. Inseong’s out doing groceries right now and he forgot his phone here. If you need something though, I can give you Chani’s number and--”

“Actually,” you spoke up, “maybe you can help me.”

“With what?”

“Would you be able to come pick me up?”

“What?” he asked like you were crazy. “You’re all the way in America! I can’t just float my car across the ocean.”

“Don’t worry, it’s not far,” you promised with a sleepy laugh. “I’ll send you the address.”

-

Inseong was confused the entire time he was with Chani doing grocery shopping. He had instincts that they called the mating pull that would lead him to you no matter where you were, and those instincts were telling him you were closer to him than before. His instincts had really been all over the place the last 24 hours, actually. But he couldn’t call you and ask about it because you had already told him you’d be at your parents and couldn’t use your phone because they had a thing about ‘family time’.

“Inseong, what’re you making that face for?” Chani asked as he looked over at Inseong while they drove home.

The older wolf couldn’t tell, but his eyes were narrowed slightly, and his brows were furrowed just a bit like he was concentrating or thinking. But it was only because something must’ve not been right because he felt like you were very close by. Last he checked, your parents didn’t live in South Korea, so he knew you couldn’t possibly be anywhere near here.

“I feel...weird,” was all he replied in a murmur.

Chani just nodded, raising his eyebrows, “Sure, dude.”

Chani was already in on it. Rowoon had texted him about it, so Chani was well aware as to what was up with Inseong. But he was very good at playing dumb.

Inseong pulled into the driveway, shut off the car, and opened the door. But as soon as the air hit him, he smelled something vaguely familiar. It was a scent he hadn’t smelled in a while, but it was one he could never forget. It was like the sweetest, best scent he’d ever smelled, and he knew exactly what it meant. He just didn’t know how.

Without even saying anything to Chani, Inseong booked it into the house and followed his instincts up the stairs. He burst into his room, just barely catching his door from slamming against the wall when he saw you fast asleep in his bed. He was so happy, tears started forming in his eyes. He couldn’t believe you were here, and somehow having you sleeping so soundly in his bed made him even happier. He still didn’t understand how or why you were here, but it didn’t matter because you were here and he could touch you and kiss you and be with you.

Inseong quietly closed his door before he made his way over to you, he crouched down at the side of his bed and looked at your peaceful face as you slept, reaching out to lightly stroke your cheek with his thumb to make sure you were real. The widest, brightest smile spread across his face being able to look at you and touch you and hear your heartbeat.

He stood up to slide off his shoes before he carefully climbed over you into bed. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer to him, not wanting to wake you but just needing to hold you as close as he could.

You woke up just a little bit -- enough to just feel that Inseong was with you -- and rolled over to face him. You buried your face in his chest, clinging to him and making him chuckle. When you were settled again, he nuzzled into your hair and just took in your scent, just wanting to stay in that moment with you forever.

“She’s here for good, y’know,” Rowoon said as he quietly entered the room. “She transferred to the college in the city. The train ride there isn’t too long.”

“A train ride isn’t anything to me,” Inseong scoffed, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. 

You used to be a 23-hour plane ride away, so he would sit on a train for hours if he had to just to see you. But luckily, you were right here with him, in his arms. You were home.

[allsystemsarenotgo]

A friend and I were talking one day, and she shared this with me.

She was much like me, raised with a quarter between the knees, terrified of the things we were taught to avoid and trying to live reasonably noble lives. She wasn't allowed Birth Control for religious reasons (pro-life) as well as to prevent enablism. Her family was much more religious than mile, though I still went to church during my Sophomore, Junior, and Senior years of high school.

She married a guy 10 years older than herself, who was a long-time routine customer of her family's business. They married right after she graduated high school, long before she applied to higher education.

She is a nurse now. She has 3 kids, works long hours at a hospital, and her husband is a successful farmer as he always has been. She struggled at times, but she made it through.

She knows life would have been easier without the first child, but she was innocent and naiive and I think she realizes that she jumped in the deep end of the pool before learning how to swim.

I did the same thing.

All through high school I pledged to abstinence until marriage. I hated everything to do with sex. The topic, the drama, the action, the result. I wanted nothing to do with it.

But I also never dated through grade school at all. I never had a girlfriend. Plenty of crushes (M.S. above being one of them), but just as many denials. Because I didn't drink, smoke, do drugs, have FFA animals, or play athletics, I also wasn't a member of any social group. I was always the kid in the corner of the cafeteria scarfing food down in 5 minutes and sleeping the other 20, or asking to go to a teacher's classroom, where it was serene and quiet.

My freshman year of college, I even wrote an essay on abstinents for English class. That really didn't go over well in regards to having to read it out loud. There might as well have been fruit flying at me.

My dorm was set up such that we had 3 private bedrooms that shared a living space and bathroom. One of the roommates always had girls over, and he never tried to be quiet (or if he did, he failed...badly).

So those two things were my indoctrination to college life. Getting judged and leered at for writing an abstinence essay, and having to listen to a roommate multiple times a week.

Towards the very end of my freshman year, a girl from high school messaged me. We started talking, and she admitted that she had always had a crush on me and was too shy to ever say anything.

Error #1: For no good reason whatsoever, I agreed to formulate a relationship with this female

So when I moved home from the dorms, I hung out with the lass a few times, but my parents were moving out of the country and closer to my school, so I could live at home. That meant that this would now be a 1.5-hour-each-way medium-distance relationship.

So every 4th or 6th weekend during the remainder of that summer and into the fall semester, I would drive up and spend a day with her. Sometimes, I would drive her out of the country and into the city to give her a glimpse of escape (it was very impoverished where we grew up).

Error #2: Doing whatever made her happy

I really enjoyed the time that we spent together. She got me a purity necklace for Christmas that year. She said she understood that my preference meant something to me.

But then, something changed. She would start dropping enuindos and jokes and send me photos that I didn't ask for.

Error #3: Not standing up for myself

She said that I meant something to her, and asked me if she meant something to me. At the time, I did not comprehend that as a trap...but I wanted to make her happy, so I said "yes".

The next thing I know, she is booking a hotel for us for Valentine's day. Wherein, I learned a thing or two or five or ten that I really wasn't interested in learning in the first place.

-Provides Clorox to help scrub the thoughts from your mind-

After that, she wanted me to come see her more and more often. But I was tied up with school and life.

Mind you, we usually had a phone call every night, or at least every other night. Same time, right before bed. Sometimes we would fall asleep on the phone with eachother.

Error #4: Accepting anything as fact

Well one night, I called her, and she answered...but it was noisy in the background, like she was driving. But she never talked while driving, and wouldn't answer the phone with family in the car.

She said she was in a friend's car and they were going to the beach for the night, which was completely reasonable for the time of year and her group of friends. She cut the conversation short saying they had arrive, so we bid our greeting. But she didn't hang up, and something told me that I shouldn't either. So I didn't.

"Who was that?"

"Don't mind him. He was just calling to check on me. He's controlling like that."

"He sounds like a jerk"

"Enough about him. He won't do this."

-Provides more clorox-

And that's how I found out that her primal needs were more important than our "relationship".

Unfortunately, shortly after I broke up with her, I was sent a photo of her quite visibly pregnant. Fortunately, the timetable did not add up to Valentine's day (aside of the fact that it was physically/biologically 95% impossible).

That summer, I started a job at the student newspaper. Right off the bat, one of the graphic artists and I got along very well. We spent way too much time at work talking to eachother and goofing off, instead of working. Enough so that our boss took notice and things got tense for a bit with him. We still cranked out work no problem, but we were both too young to understand workplace policy and procedure when it comes to "dating but not dating", which is basically exactly what we were doing. We spent alot of time together. I would go to her dorm after class and we would watch movies and just goof off or do whatever. We enjoyed time together.

Error #1: So cliché. So, so cliché.

So Valentine's day rolls around, and she asks 'the question'.

So something in biology: There is a term called "Once an animal has the taste of blood, they will always hunt for it." Unfortunately, humans can sometimes be considered a sub-species of the animal kingdom.

Like the dumbass that I am, I accept to the terms and conditions.

And at the end of the night, she asks: "So are we officially dating now?"

"I...I guess?", I answered nervously.

Errors #2 to #457: Not escaping

And just like that, I was suckered into nearly 2.5 years of having a FWB while having to, very creatively at times, mask it as a legitimate relationship.

We enjoyed the time we spent together.

We enjoyed going places together.

My mum liked her, her parents liked me. (Dad was skeptical at best and thought I could do better)

The small issue: I struggled to communicate at times. I didn't know how to find my voice, so there were times that I would have to text her how I felt. Sometimes I would hide in a corner just so I could cry. (I later learned of my autism, and it all made sense and I learned how to resolve this)

The big issue: I was completely burned out on intimacy. After almost 2.5 years of emulating laboratory rabbits, I was done. My usefulness had expired.

The biggest issue: We were both suffering academically. We had no common interests at all anymore, and we had put eachother ahead of our own academics so much that we were both risking academic expulsion.

So we mutually agreed to break up.

She dropped out of university (and never went back or finished her schooling), and I changed majors twice before getting my Bachelor of Science.

My first relationship lasted from June 2009 to April 2010.

My second "relationship" lasted from February 2011 until May 2012 (Although we started spending time together in significant amounts starting August 2010)

I have not had a girlfriend since May 2012.

I had one friend in my senior year of college, who gave me some non-physical affection while also keeping me firmly locked in the friendzone. But quality time, by itself, only goes so far.

I have not had any physical affection since May 2012.

I have not spent quality time with a female since May 2013.

For most of that time, from May 2013 to August 2019, I really didn't mind it at all. I have been so tied up in working, hobbies, and life in general, that I completely ignored women.

But as my birthday loomed near in October 2019, it donned on me....I was on a crash course to being eternally lonely.

So I have tried online dating. I have gone on a few first dates, but no second dates.

Sometimes, I want to give up. The fight just doesn't seem worth the reward.

And honestly?

Sometimes I feel exactly like my friend's remarks at the top of this post. Sometimes I wish I would have been a little more rebellious, a little more care-free, a little more out-there.

But at the same time, ...

Sometimes I wish that neither relationship would have ever happened.

That I would have never learned the true definition of intimacy.

That I would have never done whatever it took to make the other person happy.

That I wouldn't have been such an easy push-over.

That I would have stuck to my initial pledge in life

That I would have spoke up more and defended myself.

All I am now, is damaged product.

I don't truly know how to love.

I don't truly know how to feel.

I don't truly know how to be myself.

I don't truly know how to be intimate.

I am human, I am male, so of course I have my moments. But I don't want that to be the reason for a relationship. I want it to be the least-important factor, or not a factor at all.

I want a relationship founded on trust, honesty, fortitude, common interests, personality, maybe even a little faith.

Not intimacy.

I just want to not be invisible, or to only have one attribute visible.

I want to be seen for all the other attributes.

I am not A-sexual. I still feel emotions and feelings. I just don't want to let them out of the locked box which contains them. Not without lots of context and preparedness.

[jawnjendes]

i don’t know why | shawn mendes

university au a totally perfect summer babey, shawn x goth gf

AN: u know how life imitates art or vice versa???? yeah sometimes i hate that. anyway i thought i was gonna slow down with updates but i had one (1) free day before i move (tomorrow) so here is this do with her what you will

******let me know if you wanna be tagged in future chapters

masterlist | playlist

In the past, if there was ever a time I could trade 120°F weather for literally anything else, I would have taken it. I would have given anything to stay in Toronto over the summer if it meant I wouldn’t experience heat exhaustion from the moment I stepped outside. I would sell intense SoCal weather to Satan for a single cornchip.

It’s halfway through May, and I still wore a long sleeve and jeans when I went out. It rained sometimes, and when it didn’t, it was cloudy. I could appreciate the coziness that accompanied the weather, but for the time of year, it was also putting me into a weird headspace. I couldn’t shake the feeling of my body unconsciously waiting for sweltering, dry desert heat. I was supposed to be in shorts and a tanktop in my hometown, and Shawn was supposed to be there with me. We were both supposed to be facing the chaos that was my extended family.

On top of that, I was hating having to go to the dealership five times a week. That was all I had going for me now that school was out. I didn’t even work five days during the semester. I never worked in the summer at all in the last few years, and again, I was wearing sweaters in May.

On the bright side, Shawn went to his first therapy session, and it went well for him. Said he had a breakthrough, and ways to combat the night terrors, but he had more that night anyway. I had to time when his body would start twitching, and then wake him up 15 minutes prior. It worked well, and it brought some relief to us and our sleep. I was just glad he was finally doing something about all of this, even if he was still reluctant to talk to me about it.

Sometimes, we were on different wavelengths. Shawn was in the process of getting his perkiness back, and it showed when my pessimism was out and about. There was a balance of light and dark between us, and today Shawn had all of the light.

I decided to go barefaced today. I felt the need to not hide how tired and done I was with the world and its bullshit. My eyebrows were incredibly sparse, and the under eye bags were just a little sunken in. While I was eating solid food again, I was lacking in other nutrients, therefore I was still dropping weight. Why hide it, right?

Shawn just had to point out that I was not wearing makeup, and I just had to take it the wrong way.

“I can’t look pretty all the time,” I snapped.

“But you do look pretty all the time,” he replied, unfazed.

I rolled my eyes and turned away from the bathroom mirror. Shawn was standing next to me, putting product in his freshly washed hair when he noticed my body language.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I have nothing to complain about. I should be grateful.

I left the bathroom and went to change into my uniform. My company shirt needed a wash, but I made a mental note to douse myself in perfume before I left. I was also on my last pair of clean white leggings, which gave me another thing to do when I got home because Shawn doesn’t do laundry. He waits for his mom to come over and do everything for him.

He came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, in his white Sting t-shirt and black jeans. I don’t know why I envied the fact that his only uniform was a stupid apron. Or the fact that he actually looked forward to going to work.

“Okay,” he spoke firmly, “not that long ago, you were pushing me to talk, now it’s your turn. What’s wrong?”

I sighed, not wanting to destroy the last chances I had at pulling myself together before my shift. “It’s nothing. I’m totally happy to be here.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“It means exactly what I said.”

“Doesn’t sound like it.”

My skin was crawling with unreasonable annoyance. I wanted to yell at him, and for what? Was it his fault that my insides were the actual worst?

I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. Then I looked at him, and the underlying sadness started to creep in. “I just miss my parents… and California. I kinda wish I was there.”

Shawn’s eyebrows scrunched together. His tone was something I was not expecting in the slightest. “You don’t wanna live here?”

It didn’t take much to get me back to my angry state. “I didn’t say that,” I defensively argued. “I said I-”

He interrupted me. “No, no. You don’t wanna be here. You don’t wanna live with me. It makes sense, you’ve been moody this whole time!”

My eyes narrowed into a death glare. “What, am I not allowed to miss my hometown? Am I not supposed to be angry that my large intestine refused to cooperate and part of it had to be removed? Should I not be pissed off that I’m eating bland rice everyday?”

He looked more confused than angry. “I think you should be happy you made it, that you’re okay now.”

I scoffed. “I should be happy? I don’t get to go home until December! I don’t get to see my family this summer! It’s almost June and I’m wearing a fucking sweater!”

“Don’t you hate the desert?”

“You don’t understand!” I yelled. Well, I did it.

“What don’t I understand?” Shawn shot back, raising his own voice. “You hate living here, right? You want to leave, eh?”

“I never said that!” My fingers pulled at the hair on my scalp. “I’m pissed that this is how I ended up living with you! And I wasn’t ready to live with you to begin with! I’m pissed that I won’t get to see my family until the end of the year! And I’m pissed that I’m the one who almost died and you’re the one who’s traumatized!”

That definitely silenced him. Shawn's face fell in a way I had never seen before. My rage faltered a little bit, but not enough to take back anything I said. He asked what was wrong, and I told him. I was too impatient to wait for him to say something, so I grabbed my purse and my keys and I was out of the apartment in a flash.

~

Under normal circumstances, I was very good at keeping my personal problems under wraps for the sake of remaining poised and professional. A customer could yell at me and throw a tantrum, and I'd keep my face neutral and polite. When I ended things with Luca, I feigned composure so well that I was named employee of the month.

But no, a stupid fight with my boyfriend threatened my professional-but-mildly-bitchy reputation! I was able to be polite to customers, both over the phone and in person, but I was testy to any coworker that came within a five foot radius of my desk. The finance, sales, and parts managers all fell victim to my signature death stare at various points in the morning. I was honestly shocked I wasn't fired by lunch.

Shortly after my lunch break, Stacy made her departure, leaving me with Jason and Luca. I gave them the cold shoulder from the moment they entered the office, a signal for them to leave me the fuck alone. They obliged, but they still clowned around at the back of the office.

"Dude," Jason said in his stoned out drawl, "they should replace lube… with hand sanitizer."

Luca chuckled. "The fuck? What'd you smoke today?"

"Nah, dawg," he continued, "replace lotion, with IcyHot."

I had my back to them, so they didn't see the puzzled expression on my face. As if I haven't heard such crackheadery like this before. Sometimes it made me laugh, but obviously not today.

"Okay, I got one," Luca said between laughs. "Replaces pads… with aluminum foil."

"Replace tampons with paintbrushes."

"Or! Sticks of dynamite!"

There was only half a brain cell in this room, clearly. That half was taken by Jason, who had a customer come in asking for him. He left the office, giving Luca a smug look through the small window.

There were plenty of people still in the building. The other managers, sans Stacy, and the rest of the salesmen were running around doing boring business things. I wished I had things to do, like file repair orders in the filing closet that was nowhere near this office. Or add up more gas receipts… Or have a long, pointless conversation with a customer over the phone. I literally wished I could do anything to avoid the fact that I was alone with Luca for the first time in months.

Of course, he could never keep his mouth shut.

"So, did your boyfriend break up with you?" he asked in a teasing, childish tone.

I ignored him and pretended to be busy with car repair orders. I didn't even know how to read them most of the time.

"You know I helped Shawnie boy write a song," Luca went on.

My blood boiled remembering how badly Mercy was ruined for me. The real meaning behind the lyrics messed me up more than I liked to admit. I hadn't listened to that song in months because of him, apart from when Shawn would perform it. Still, spite kept my mouth shut.

"Answer me, you little whore," Luca deadpanned. "Thought we were cool."

No, I do not know where the logic is behind that. Luca's mind was unlike anything I've ever encountered, and I can't believe I used to find it so attractive and endearing. I used to take his degrading name calling as terms of endearment. Maybe it was in a twisted way. But that was then. Now, he couldn't even compare to the man I had now.

Luca grew impatient, and decided to approach my desk. He leaned against the surface, practically sitting on it, and his brown eyes burned a hole into the side of my head.

"That song was about you."

Brand new information!

"And I'm assuming you've heard it," he continued. "So you know how I really feel."

Finally, I huffed out a sigh and looked up at him. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you know it's true and it gets to you." He smirked, showing off dimples that I used to adore. He talked like this was some sort of challenge, and god knows he loved to challenge me.

"You're a lot of things," I said, "but you're not a liar. Why start now?"

"I'm not a liar. You just don't wanna believe that someone could love you."

I really did not know where to start with that. He never loved me because he frequently went to me when he was bored and horny. He never loved me because he didn't want the things I wanted, and instead of letting me go, he kept stringing me along. He knew I wouldn't leave.

I  scoffed and got to my feet, not wanting to be looked down on anymore. "You don't know that. You don't know anything about me."

Luca turned his whole body towards me. He was still smirking as he fixed the stupid RayBans perched on his nose. "If anyone's gonna know anything about you, it's me. I know you better than anyone here. I probably know you better than Shawn does. And you hate that, huh?"

He was the only person who wasn't intimidated by my death stare. He was the only person who made me powerless and small. And yeah, I really fucking hated that.

"Oh, so now you suddenly wanna admit that? Now I'm worth something to you?" I spat.

Whatever cockiness Luca had on suddenly faltered. He took a step back, ready to shut down, but I wasn't having it anymore.

"You had feelings, eh?" I asked, internally cursing the vernacular that planted itself into my vocabulary. "So where was all of that last year? Where was all of that when I was tearing myself apart to put you back together?"

"I never asked you to fix me," Luca said. "You just didn't want to fix yourself. I know I was just another person you didn't want to commit to in the long run."

"I wanted you to-" I tried to say, but he interrupted me.

"Oh, I bet you wanted me to be your boyfriend. But I know a crazy bitch when I see one. Doesn't look like anything's changed. Wonder how Shawn deals with you."

It felt like the glass bubble surrounding me was shattered with a sledgehammer. It felt like the wind was knocked out of me, or like my spirit had been forcibly removed from my body. My face was hot to the touch, and angry tears were threatening to come out of my eyes. Everything around me suddenly turned grey and went in slow motion. This feeling in my chest was dull and aching, and I wasn't sure how to deal with it.

Even when Jason entered the office again, I still felt like I was floating. Luca went back to his desk, and my body moved back into my chair. Memories of finishing up my shift were spotty. This darkness was awfully familiar.

I found myself wandering around Walmart after work. My legs felt numb, but they moved and worked like they should. My breath was constantly getting caught in my throat, and my spirit was just following its vessel around the store. I felt like I could collapse at any moment, and I could just let the ground swallow me whole. I tried looking at the video games in the electronic section to get myself back to normal, but I just felt numb. I ended up buying a stick of deodorant and an ice cream bar I couldn't eat.

~

Shawn was already home when I got there, and he still wasn't talking to me. There wasn't anything in me that wanted to try to fix that. He needed to sit with his angry boi feelings anyway. My body moved past the living room, where he was sitting watching Netflix. He looked at me, I saw it from my peripherals, but I just silently turned into the bedroom.

I spent the next hour leaning against the wall in the shower, hot water coming down on my back. I had a specific Halsey song on repeat blaring through the bathroom, even though my spirit floating above my body knew it wouldn't help the situation. I just needed to feel something.

"Tell me how's it feel sitting up there

Feeling so high but too far away to hold me

You know I'm the one who put you up there

Name in the sky, does it ever get lonely?"

Eventually, I was back on Earth, and the water was cold. My limbs ached as I moved around again to shut the shower off, but at least I was feeling something. Once the noise from the running water was gone, I was forced to hear more of that damn song. I still didn't bother to change it as I stepped out of the tub and wrapped a towel around myself.

"Gave love 'bout a hundred tries

Just running from the demons in your mind

Then I took yours and made 'em mine

I didn't notice cuz my love was blind"

I made quick work of drying off and getting dressed. I didn't bother with putting leave-in conditioner in my hair or moisturizing my skin. I stared down at the sink and processed what went down at work.

"I didn't ask you to fix me. You just didn't wanna fix yourself. I know a crazy bitch when I see one. Doesn't look like anything's changed."

Shouldn't you want to fix the one you love when they're down? Wouldn't you do anything you can to ensure that the one you love would be okay? Why else would I give up therapy so Shawn could take my place?

Oh, crap. Shawn.

Before I knew it, I was walking out of the bathroom, back to the living room. Shawn was still on the couch, take out box in hand. I watched him eat pasta as I leaned against the doorway. My voice came out raspy and wavering, but still coherent.

"I'm sorry about this morning. I didn't mean to snap at you."

Talking alone caused a crying fit to form in my chest and throat. I turned on my heel, not expecting much of anything until-

"Did you eat?"

I stopped in my tracks, but I didn't face him. I cleared my throat before speaking again. "Not hungry."

"Hey, I know we fought, but you still need to eat."

"That's, that's not why…" I trailed off. This was a time where I wanted to sit and cry in his arms, something I never did. (The hospital doesn't count - I was under the influence of morphine.) I knew he was still mad at me, though. I couldn't ask him for anything. The only thing I could do was clear my throat some more.

Mad as he was, Shawn was still persistent. "Do you feel sick?"

Yes, but not the way he was probably thinking. I wouldn't even know how to explain it.

"No," I said simply.

I heard Shawn move from the couch, but I still kept my back to him.

"Is something-"

I cut across him. "Don't try to be nice to me. You don't have to after the way I acted."

"We had an argument, we didn't break up," Shawn said.

Slowly, I turned my head to look back at him. The only thing between us was the doorway. Shawn didn't seem as wound up as he did this morning, but that didn't mean he probably wasn't feeling it anymore. I didn't want to risk another fight.

"I didn't mean anything I said this morning," I told him, my voice still small. I couldn't find it in me to fake composure. "I like living with you, and I appreciate everything you've done for me."

He nodded. "I'm sorry too. I understand that you miss your family. I miss mine, and they're only a half hour drive from here."

If I didn't have this surgery then I would be at home and I wouldn't have been irrationally shaken to the core by Luca's words. I could literally be in my childhood bed right now.

"Yeah," I mumbled, reaching my threshold. "Yeah, I do miss home."

Shawn then waved me over. "Come on. Come here."

I felt like I was going to fall apart as I stepped out of the small bedroom. My knees shook slightly, but Shawn took my hand and led me into the spacious area, over to the couch. He watched me as I sat down. I must have looked like a right mess if he was giving me careful eyes, like I might break into pieces at any given moment.

He got up and grabbed the grey, woolen blanket from the other end of the couch and draped it over my lap. "So… how was work?"

"I don't wanna talk about it." I stared at the TV, but I didn't really care about what was on.

"Alright. Do you wanna play Breath of the Wild?"

Tears welled up in my eyes in a split second, and I rapidly nodded my head and sobbed out, "Yeah…"

[triplefrontierstuff-blog]

When were you gonna tell me? - Will “Ironhead” Miller x OC - Part I

A/N: Okay, I got a little too excited with this, so don’t mind me for writing this bible. Really hope you all enjoy, though xx

Genre: Angst

Word count: 4063

Writer: Lari

A soft breeze blew on her face as Diana woke up, only to discover that it was actually Will's warm breath on her face.

"Good morning," he said, softly and drawn, the corner of his lips slightly arched in a trace of one of his beautiful smiles, taking small strands of hair gently out of her face. Diana gave him a sleepy smile, rolling over to caress his face. Will's blue eyes brought her a feeling that almost never overwhelmed her when she received it: the usual comfort, but also a sense of anxiety and worry in the pit of her stomach.

Something was wrong, and she barely remembered what as he came over and kissed her lips gently.

“Sleep well”, Will asked, and as she thought of an answer, she realized he was ready to leave.

"Perfectly," she lied. "And you?"

"Better than I deserve," he answered, giving her another kiss on the forehead. Will knew that Diana had been sleeping badly, not only for the way she'd been up all night in bed, but how restless she seemed in the first few minutes of the day. He’d been noticing her girlfriend's stress for a few days, but he also knew that post-graduation was being hard on her, especially since it was their first year living together and being away from the family was affecting her more than she could admit. Will tries not to bring up this topic, but he knows it’s being more complicated than she expected. He doesn’t judge her. Not everyone is trained to adapt to any kind of situation and environment as he and his brother were.

"Are you going early again?" Diana asked, yawning and watching Will's eyes color shift slightly as the light streamed through the curtains. The day was grey and cloudy, making his usually blue eyes get a little darker. He nodded.

"We need to train the new staff as soon as possible, some of them are still having a hard time adapting," he replied. Diana was beautiful in the morning and he resisted the urge to kiss her again. She just nodded, caressing his beard and watching him in a long and strange way. She seemed to ramble on something. Still, he kept it to himself, as he usually does. "Anyway, I have to, darling." he said, giving her a warmer kiss before getting up, picking up his jacket and leaving.

Diana didn’t wait another second. Quickly, she got up, looking for the bloody little boxes she’d left in the bag last night; after picking them up, she ran to the bathroom.

She lowered the toilet lid, sat down, and sighed heavily. Diana had bought two pregnancy tests - just to be sure. She knew her own body enough to fear the worst, but she still hoped it was all in her head. It happened before.

In a hurry, she opened the first box, peed in the pot and all that known process and waited.

Those five damn minutes seemed to last for hours. Her eyes glinted at the shadow of a little stick forming itself, and Diana, hopeful, kept praying that that was the only one.

Her prayers were almost heard, until she saw the second one.

Nervously, feeling the adrenaline take hold of her veins, she took the other test and did the same procedure.

But the second little stick also appeared.

She knew, deep down she knew.

She stared at those two positive pregnancy tests for a few minutes, the most agonizing in her life. She knew that Will would take it as a welcome surprise; Incredibly, he appreciated the idea of ​​having a child. He didn’t exactly feel ready or good enough - he feared what he would be like around the kid on one of his bad days -, but deep down he was found of the idea.

But Diana wanted to wait.

Her life was never easy, she was 34 years old and still in his first degree, when most of her friends were practically PhDs. She’s been dreaming on getting her expertise in applied biochemistry and even pursuing a master's degree in forensics. In her plans, she’d never even thought for a second about having a child - in fact, she fell in love with Will so unexpectedly that even that was out of the plans. Now, staring at those two little sticks in each of the tests, she wondered where her dream would be in the middle of this.

How could she let that happen? Would it be fair to allow something that never had place in her plans to just rob them from her?

No, she couldn’t let that happen.

Diana suddenly heard the bedroom door opening and, startled, she realizes that she hasn’t closed the bathroom door. Quickly, she tossed the two tests into the trash, covering them with the toilet paper she kneaded hastily, squeezing the discharge right away and leaving the bathroom still in her T-shirt and panties.

Will was beside the bed, looking for something under the pillow and the sheets.

“Something wrong”, Diana asked, reaching out to him and hugging his wide back.

"I left the God damn cellphone again" he said, still dismayed. She smiled, knowing he loses that cell phone every minute of the day simply because he wasn’t into technology enough to care carrying the thing with him everytime.

“Is that the one”, she said, pointing to the object, which rested on the nightstand beside the bed. Will smiled, putting it in his pocket and turning around.

"What would I do without you?" he asks, holding her face in both hands, making circular movements with his thumbs, as he used to. Diana inclined her head to brush her face against his touch; filled with worries, feeling a gentle touch of Will's large, warm hands made her forget for a second all the mess that her life was becoming.

"Not much," she said, leaning down to feel his soft lips touch hers tenderly.

"I promise I'll try to get home earlier."

"I promise I'll really try to make us dinner before I give up and leave it to you." they both laughed, and, giving her one last warm kiss, Will said goodbye again.

As the slight feeling of anesthesia that was Will's touch and scent dissipated and reality plagued her again, Diana sat up in bed and took a deep breath, trying to put her thoughts in order.

That would be a long day.

***

The university was busy, as usual, and Diana didn’t quite know what she was doing in there. She barely managed to think of what to wear to get there, she doubted she’d really focus on anything. But she couldn’t miss that class - besides being an important subject for the exams, it was one of the most important ones for her thesis, where most of her hours of research in the library were concentrated.

She just picked up her things in the closet and headed for the classroom - a large auditorium where the teacher was setting up the projector for class.

Diana tried very hard to concentrate, or think of anything but the result of the two tests that morning - she tried to think about the lab where she worked, how the weather would be like. Nothing seemed to catch her attention or distract her enough, so she left the auditorium, literally threw her things in the closet, and picked up the cell phone, disking a familiar number.

“Hello”, said the slightly euphoric voice of Benny.

“Hi, Ben, it's Diana.”

"Your timing is always perfect," he said ironically. "I'm in the middle of something."

“Is it gonna take too long?”, she really needed to talk to him. Benny could feel the subtle hint of urgency in that question, so he looked at Pope, who was talking to some bad looking guys who didn’t want to pay them, and sighed heavily.

“Did something happen?”

"Kind of", her voice sounded more broken than she planned, and she knew at once that she wouldn’t be as strong as she imagined.

"I can see you in an hour, ok?"

She was about to hang up when he called her.

“Hey, Diana?”

“What?”

“Was it Will?”, the way he asked that question was so unexpected and genuinely worried that Diana felt her eyes burn.

"Kind of", she replied, evasive again, choosing to tell everything at the right time.

"You know I’ll kill him, right?", she smiled slightly.

“I know.”

“Then go to Deli’s and order my beer”, he said and hung up, leaving her surprised that he could always soothe the anguish she felt with only half a dozen unspoken words. She also knew that the beer was a well-known Ben Miller tactic of making her have enough of it to be completely honest - but that wouldn’t be needed.

 The day seemed to improve as she approached the cozy diner, which was the stage of Diana and Will’s first meeting, but which had been long frequented by her and Benny. No matter how much time passed, Diana couldn’t understand how she and Ben Miller had become friends, considering that, if they didn’t meet in that bar, they would never see each other again because of their diverse careers. She, in the first graduation of her life, first semester, a junior college who still lived with her parents; Benny, a war veteran who drinks and fights better than anyone she know; both the same age, however.

When she got in, Diana went to the place they always choose - at the window, with padded seats and a rectangular table - grateful for the empty spots. Of course it was, it wasn’t even close to lunch yet, so the place hadn’t got the chance to be crowded by noisy people.

Diana ordered a cappuccino, opting for something less aggressive than a large cup of beer before noon, and looked around deliberately. She remembered how Benny, on a hot, humid night, had taken his brother and friends - Pope, Catfish and Redfly, as she came to know - by surprise, claiming it was his birthday and his brother - who had returned from the Middle East - also needed a nice night to get away. She remembered William Miller - who later discovered were also called Ironhead - sitting next to her, as Ben was getting drunk in his own seat. He smiled lightly, knowing that in a short time he would have to break his brother's partu and take him home before an alcoholic coma.

Will was not the shy type, Diana soon realized this - he just wasn’t willing to take that night as his brother would. Still, they talked for a while, in the middle of the bustle that Benny caused to want an arm-wrestling battle with everyone who passed their table. Will was educated and reserved, always a good listener while Diana explained that she was in her second semester in college and hardly expected to finish the course. Will enchanted her without her own noticing in how he was paying so much attention to her, looking right into her eyes and smiling discreetly as she began to shuffle a few words over the beer.

Everything came in flashes as she sipped her drink, until her thoughts were interrupted by the front door bell.

After entering the diner, Benny immediately looked to the right, finding Diana sitting in their usual place.

"A large beer, please", he ordered to Wendy, the attendant who was always flirting with him, even though she knew he was in a relashionship.

He didn’t have to come too close to realize that Diana's greeting smile was tainted with an insistent worry, something he easily learned to notice. Her eyes were tired, he could see she haven’t slep well, and her hands wouldn’t stop moving - either by tapping her little pinkie in the cup, or by curling a lock of her long, dark hair, or by picking up a napkin and wiping her fingers unnecessarily; something she always does when she’s anxious.

“Been waiting too long?”, he asked, sitting across from her, leaving his jacket by his side; the day was really heating up.

"Not much," Diana replied, not quite sure, for she had been so caught up in her own thoughts that she didn’t really notice if it had been that long. “Large beer before lunch?"

"It’s been a long day," he said, watching Diana smile.

"What were you guys doing?", she questioned, because whenever Benny and Pope were together for some work, things didn’t always go well enough, to say the least.

"Incredibly boring," he answered, getting his drink from Wendy, who smiled falsely shy and touched his hand on purpose before leaving. "But the money you get in cargo escorts is incredibly good, so at least it was worth it”. He pulled the glass to his lips and gave a few good sips, sighing heavily at the end. She thought it was too early to drink beer so avidly, but she didn’t even bother to censor him; Benny has his own conceptions of proper schedules. "There was a smart guy who wanted to screw us up, but he clearly didn’t know who he was dealing with. If you think I'm convincing, you don’t know what Pope can do.”

Diana simply drifted through the whole plot. Unbelievably, it was calming her a little. All the effort to find something to be distracted with - even forcing herself to go to class -, for Ben to do it better than anything. She loved it in him, just as she loved the way Will was more self-contained. Sge didn’t know why she had never been attracted to Benny, but had fallen in love so deeply with his brother.

Benny was still talking when, as he realized the unnatural, restrained silence of his sister-in-law, his tone decreased until a quick silence happend before he asked:

“Okay, can you tell me what happened now?”, Diana was feeling perfectly restrained so far, but as she looked at Benny, she was afraid she couldn’t hold the ends.

She looked at him with almost all the forces she had.

"I'm pregnant," she said, perhaps a little too quickly; in fact almost scrambling to say the words, like a fifteen-year-old girl telling the news to her controlling and authoritative father - not to a friend and brother-in-law who most represented a brother to her.

Benny was speechless for a moment, just assimilating everything.

“From Will?!

"Hell, of course it's Will's, who else would it be, dumbass?", she wasn’t necessarily offended, but she found the insinuation ridiculous.

"I'm not judging, I'd still be with you if it wasn’t, I just realized how worried you are two miles away from you and suddenly it made sense when you told."

Diana said nothing, only sighed, still holding her cup with the almost cold drink.

"But why are you so worried, Forest?", Benny questioned, this time with the voice lower and leaning forward on the table, waiting for the moment she looked at him. Diana thought it was cool to call each other by their last name sometimes, except she find hers to be too simple.

"I don’t know if I want it now - and it's not just the fear of not being a good mother, I just ... I don’t want to.”

"You don’t want it to disturb your career, right?", as unbelievable as it sounds, Diana would never be offended by this kind of question, because as much as it seemed that he was judging her, she knew he was only saying it because he knew her very well, his voice subtle and intimate. Benny could be quite spontaneous and even a little euphoric at times, but he was incredibly understanding and affable with those he loved.

Diana nodded, unsure what to say, making Benny remember a seven-year-old girl being caught red-handed using her mother's jewelry and being forced to confess everything. Whenever she did that, she reminded him of this. He smiled, got up and sat down beside her.

"Listen, I don’t know what you really want to do – actually, I think the idea is desperate, but if I can suggest something, I'd say you should talk to Will, see how you can handle it."

"He’ll wanna try, Benny, he will and will also propose to take care of the child all the time if I want to."

"Does he want to have a baby this bad?", Benny didn’t imagine his brother to be that way.

"It's not like it's a dream for him, but I know that if it happens, as it is happening now, he won’t appreciate the idea of ​​ruling out the possibility. He lives with too many deaths in his own mind to not want to preserve a possible one.”

Benny nodded, just waiting for her to finish.

"He's going to say that he's gonna do all that’s needed for the baby by himself, if I want to; I don’t want to get rid of this child, but we know it won’t be like this, Benny. I won’t be able to just leave my boyfriend with our son and focus on my career like that, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself or not to be worried all the time. I don’t know what to do, Benny, that's the truth.”

Benny pulled her by the shoulders in a hug and felt the top of her head touch his chin.

"I took 28 years of my life to be able to do what I wanted," she continued, her voice muffled. "I know it's selfish, but a child has never been in my plans and it's very unfair that now that I can be what I want to be, it might be taken away from me so abruptly.”

 Benny stepped back a little so he could look into her eyes and said, firmly this time:

"Diana, you're perfectly capable of getting what you want, whenever you want.  I'm not saying that necessarily because I want you to have this baby - I'm really going to support you in any decision you make -, I'm just saying that you shouldn’t martyr yourself and think that it's selfish to prioritize something you've always dreamed of, do you understand?”, she nodded, feeling her eyes burn, but not letting any tear fall. "Now, you're sure you don’t need a drink?", he asked, pulling the glass to himself and taking it in halfway. Diana smiled briefly, feeling some weight drop from her shoulders.

"I don’t think so", she said, watching as he shrugged and finished at an impressive record time. "You know, just because you ordered a large beer necessarily means you're competing with someone to see who finishes it faster. You can just take your time.”

"Strength of habit", he said, blinking and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

 The day was virtually lost after Deli's. Diana couldn’t concentrate on her assignments, and even a co-worker in the lab realized that, volunteering to help her and finish cleaning the glassworks at the end of the day - which Diana promised herself se would be more grateful for later.

The subway to her house didn’t take long, so in about twenty to twenty-five minutes she arrived home.

The house was dark and empty, as usual, considering she always arrived before Will. She couldn’t help but smile slightly as she remembered that his promise to come earlier had been predictably broken. Not that Will was some kind of workhoolic, he just wasn’t used to leaving earlier, so he only remembered that promise when he was almost home.

Anyway, Diana didn’t think it was bad at all, she wanted some time with herself to take a long bath in the tub and try to relax. Then, shortly after throwing her purse on the bed and taking off all her clothes, she prepared her bath unhurriedly, went slowly into the hot water and closed her eyes.

In fact, the feeling of coming from an emotionally exhausting day and sinking into the hot water was perfect - as if, for just that moment, it sank all the problems together.

Diana didn’t notice when Will parked the car in the garage, throwing the key on the side table by the door and snapping his neck. However, she realized when he entered the room, even though he was silent as a cat - and it took some time and some scares to learn for her to learn- and took off his shoes; then, she just waited for the door to be opened in a crack a few minutes later, with William Miller prostrate in his underwear.

"Can I steal your bath?", he asked, a ghost of a smile haunting his lips. He always did this, even though they had dated for some time and it was perfectly understandable that he would just walk into the bathroom and slip into the bathtub with her. Diana knew how much Will preserved privacy and the intimate moment of each one with itself, and she could only think how perfect that damn man was.

It was a pity that at the moment this thought didn’t bring her as much happiness as usual.

"Definitely," she replied, sitting up better to accommodate his big legs. They always talked about buying a bigger bathtub, but deep down they both knew it was perfectly adequate for the two of them, he was just roomy as a bear.

Will opened the rest of the door and entered, silent, in a way that he became accustomed to being unaware of, as Diana watched his concise way of doing things - the way he shut the door, as he pulled his hair back with one hand, smiling, handsome, watching her wait for him to take off his underwear and slowly walk into the tub, trying not to step on her feet. Right after that Will was sitting, legs spread and flexed, almost out of the tub, and it was not long before he drew her into his chest, a cuddle that was one of her favorite ones.

Diana soon got up and turned her back to him, just to sit down again and crawl backward until she touched Will's firm, soft chest. Before she even settled down, she felt his long arms wrap around her in a place where Diana could stay forever, without worrying about anything else.

All this – at the same time that left her with the feeling of a warm and happy heart -, made her feel the icy fingers of guilt and anguish rise into her gut.

Will could feel her brief tension, her breath not fully relaxed. Diana was good at disguising, so it took him some time to notice these subtleties in her ever-so-spontaneous behavior. Her hair was partially wet, but that wasn’t what he wanted. Will gently pushed away the long dark strands that rested on her shoulder - leaving all her hair on one side -, and buried his nose in her soft neck, smelling the bath salts, but looking for her own smell, inherent to her skin. Diana couldn’t deny that every time he did that - no matter how this was a common habit of his in tub-baths -, her legs always loses their way home.

He felt her shiver a little bit and smiled, his lips and nose still glued to her skin.

“How was your day?”, he asked, his voice muffled as he made an involuntary caress with his fingertips on her hips, sipping her scent that he had to find in the midst of so many bath salts.

"Basically the same," Diana replied, her whole body shivering and feeling the effect that this man had on her. Eyes closed and head tilted, she continued. "The class was boring, so I left early and meet Benny.”

"Wasn’t he at some work with Pope?", Will questioned, never taking his face from her neck.

“Yeah, I didn’t even know that. I called him and asked if we could see each other, we didn’t speak for a long time, and he said he was busy, but he managed to go." she answered, knowing that what she was telling him wasn’t the whole truth. With Will, she couldn’t disguise anything so well, and the more serious she was, the less success she had. Not that she lied with frequency, but she knew she couldn’t tell a complete lie. She needed to mask it with some of the truth.

Will nodded, and, still sucking her scent, he trailed his hands between her thighs - one of his favorite parts on Diana's body -, simply caressing and feeling the softness of that fleshy region. Diana knew that he wasn’t necessarily trying to do something - Will liked to feel her skin and, whenever he could, he rested his hand unknowingly and began to drag his thumb from side to side; or, in flashy parts, to give light grips. She didn’t know if he was aware of what he was stirring inside her, but she made no mention of making him stop.

Will began to kiss her neck, dragging the warm kisses closer to her shoulders, his lips soft and tender, promising things she knew they would fulfill if she wanted to. His fingers began to sink deeper into the flesh of her thighs, his hands now rising up at her hip - another part he adored -, pressing her lightly against his chest. Diana was just letting go, feeling his big hands, his fleshy lips kissing her shoulder, his beard brushing her skin calmly, calculated, and it was not long before she felt his usual stiffness at the end of her back.

Suddenly, she seemed to be aware of everything, and it seemed she was doing something he shouldn’t do - as if she didn’t deserve it. The tension spread, but Diana soon restrained it, for she knew that Will would ask her if she got desperate; then she just centered her head so that he could no longer continue to kiss her, and took a deep breath, sitting more erect in the tube.

"I'm sorry, I...", Will stopped the movement with his hands and interrupted her.

"No need to apologize if you just don’t want anything, you know that.", he said, low in her ear, and placed another warm kiss on her shoulder, reposing his hands on her hips again. "Besides, that’s not my point here.”

Diana sighed, pulling his hands in front of her in a warm embrace she knew she was far from deserving, but she needed to make the most of it before being hit by reality again.

[banesapothecary]

Stick With Me

read on ao3

Alec dreaded move-in day. He’d had his apartment—and his entire floor—to himself for the last month or so during training, but now the first day of classes was only a few short days away. He wouldn’t have any roommates this year, which was perfectly fine by him, he’d decided. He’d shared a room with Jace for several years after their parents adopted him, and he relished having his own space once again. He loved his brother, he did, but Jace could be a handful.

Izzy and Jace both attended the same university as him, and it was great being so close to them, but Alec couldn’t help but feel relieved that his siblings were assigned housing in a different residence hall. That didn’t mean they wouldn’t constantly be in his hair, though. The solitude of his apartment was about to be utterly destroyed. Alec wouldn’t have it any other way, but still he groaned as he sank back deeper into his couch.

His eyes scanned over the email he’d just finished writing to all of his new residents introducing himself and wishing them a wonderful new semester at Alicante State University. He felt aggressively cheesy as he attached the move-in checklist. Izzy would laugh if she read it. Who are you and what have you done with my brooding older brother? he could hear her scoffing.

It was true. Alec Lightwood wasn’t exactly known for being the positive, happy go lucky type. He’d spent too much of his life trying to fit himself into the perfect son, the perfect student, the perfect anything for that. He couldn’t exactly greet his new residents with “Welcome back to constant stress and awkward social encounters looming around every corner. Have a great semester of hoping you pass a course that you’ve worked your ass off for. As your RA, I’m sure we’ll get along great as long as you know how to hide your alcohol.” He’d be fired in an instant, and Alec really couldn’t afford that. His mom had three kids in college, and another just starting high school. The free housing he got as an RA went a long way in their house right now, especially since his father had left, and there was no way he would risk making things harder for his mom.

His phone buzzed with a calendar reminder. His hall director, Luke, had requested all of the RAs for one last meeting to go over check in procedures. Alec skimmed the email one last time and hit send before heading out the door.

***

“Alright, you’re officially checked in. Have a great first week of classes,” Alec said with a fake smile plastered to his face.

“Thanks,” his resident--Simon--replied and shut his apartment door, leaving Alec alone in the hall. He breathed a sigh of relief. He was done, finally. Every single one of his forty residents were checked in and he was free.

The day had gone by in a busy haze populated by the new faces of his residents and their parents. Parents were the worst, he decided. One parent spent a solid hour hounding him with questions about the hall and it’s policies as if their child hadn’t lived on campus the past three years and also as if there weren’t at least ten other students waiting to check in.

It’d been a long day, to say the least. He barely even processed his new residents’ faces. He only knew names because of the roster Luke had given him and the hours he’d spent making name tags for the doors.

He headed back to his own apartment, ready to collapse back into bed and nap until the end of time. The universe had other plans, it seemed.

Alec turned the corner just in time to see who he assumed was a resident hidden behind the largest stack of boxes Alec imagined possible to carry before they collided. The boxes went flying, bouncing off the wall and hitting the floor with a crash that made Alec wince more than his own fall to the floor. His resident faired better, stumbling backwards but managed to remain on his feet.

He recognized the man from earlier--was his name Magnus? he wondered briefly. Yes, that was it. Magnus. The extravagant man with gold-lidded eyes and the extravagant name. Everyone blurred together, but he imagined Magnus never had much of an issue standing out.

Magnus’s eyes widened. “I’m so sorry. Are you alright?” he asked, reaching down a hand to help Alec stand.

Alec accepted the hand and allowed Magnus to pull him to his feet. “I’m okay, mostly. Just a little embarrassed.” He scratched at the back of his neck sheepishly. “Sorry about your stuff,” he said, eyes skimming over the boxes and looking for visible signs of damage of whatever was inside.

Magnus waved his hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about it. Those were just the last few things in my car, mostly junk. Plus, stuff can be replaced.” He winked and Alec felt a burning in the tips of his ears.

“Well, at least let me help you,” Alec said after a moment of awkward silence. “It’s the least I can do,” he added, picking up one of the boxes.

“No, no. Really it’s alright. I’m sure you’ve been on your feet all day, and my apartment is just around the corner.”

Alec raised an eyebrow. “Room 431, right?” Magnus nodded and that was all he needed to know. Without another word he picked up a second box and turned, heading back the way he’d come and stopping in front of Magnus. “I just finished checking in your roommate a minute ago, actually,” he said when Magnus caught up with the rest of the boxes.

Magnus hummed and slid his keycard into the door, unlocking it. “Yeah, Simon is a friend of a friend. He’s a big nerd and he rambles a lot, but he’s a good friend.” The door swung open and music hit them full blast. Alec didn’t know how they hadn’t heard it from the hall. Magnus grimaced. “Sorry, did I forget to mention he’s a musician?”

Alec laughed and set the boxes down on the counter. “Well, if he gets too loud to bear, just let me know, and I’ll talk to him.” He grinned. “I’ll even make it sound like someone else complained so he doesn’t know it was you.”

“My hero,” Magnus chuckled. “Thank you for the help, and I’m sorry again for any bruises.”

“You’re welcome,” Alec said as he moved to leave. “Have a nice first week back,” he added as he slipped out the door. If he’d blushed slightly at “my hero,” he’d never admit it out loud.

***

“I don’t have a hamster. Who told you I have a hamster?”

Alec stared, unimpressed. He stood in one of his residents’ apartments and he wanted to be doing literally anything else besides listening to him blatantly—and very, very badly—lie. He knew for a fact that Raj did, indeed, have a hamster in his apartment. Raj’s roommate Underhill, a friend of Alec’s from a class two semesters ago, had complained about it himself. And it certainly didn’t help Raj’s case that an empty hamster cage sat on the coffee table behind where he was standing, as if his body could block it from sight. Alec could only hope the hamster was contained somewhere safe, and not freely wandering the apartment.

He said nothing, enjoying watching Raj squirm and pull at the edges of his t-shirt. A few more moments of silence stretched, the tension pleasantly building—at least, pleasantly for Alec. To say he wasn’t a fan of Raj was an understatement. He’d already caught Raj with alcohol in his room three times, and it was only the second month of the semester. Not to mention the several noise complaints. Even Simon the pseudo-rockstar hadn’t gotten any noise complaints yet, and Alec remembered seeing him with an electric guitar and several amps on move-in day.

“Are you sure,” Alec said slowly, “that you don’t have a hamster?”

Raj blinked. “No, I don’t have a hamster. I told you already, dude.”

“Then you won’t mind if I search the apartment?” Alec barely stopped himself from grinning as Raj’s face grew red.

“What?” he sputtered. “You can’t do that!”

“Sure I can,” Alec told him. “I have reason to suspect there’s a hamster in this room, and I know you’re lying to me because there’s a hamster cage literally right behind you.” Alec paused to wonder if Raj’s head might explode like an overripe tomato squeezed too tightly. “So unless you want to just admit you have a hamster and find it a new home, I’m going to have to do it for you. And considering your most recent violations, I’m assuming I might find something else in my search, too.”

Raj’s eyes widened and his mouth opened and closed like a fish. “I’ll get rid of it,” he muttered finally.

“Great,” Alec said cheerfully. “That makes my job easier. I still have to report this, though. Just make sure it’s gone by the end of the week.” He patted Raj’s arm—more of a slap—and turned to leave the apartment and head back to his own.

His phone buzzed as soon as he was in the hallway. It was a reminder from Luke to hang the new fliers he and the other RAs had been given at the last staff meeting. He groaned internally, but replied On my way to do it now. Just finished talking to a resident, you’ll love that report. Normally Alec hated the paperwork associated with his job, but he had a feeling that describing Raj’s insistence a hamster wasn’t present in the room despite clear evidence to the contrary would be a pure delight.

Alec slipped into his apartment and grabbed the stack of fliers and roll of duct tape off the table. He managed to hang them all up within an hour, he noted gladly as he sank into the couch later with his laptop to begin filing the report on Raj and his hamster.

***

Winter was striking hard and fast, though Alec really should have seen this coming. They were well into November, and finals were already right around the corner. Wind bit at him as he made his way across campus like the chihuahua that lived next door to his abuela’s house that used to try to bite at he and Izzy’s heels when they were much younger. Back then, they’d had a chain link fence and the sheer willpower of their mother and abuela to protect them. Now all Alec had was a coat much too thin for the winter covering them like a frozen sheet of ice.

His sigh of relief formed a cloud in front of him as he finally reached his building. The warmth hit him instantly and he almost moaned at how good it felt to finally defrost just a bit as he stepped inside and into the elevator. He’d just left his last class for the day, and even though it was only around 5 PM, nothing sounded better than a hot shower and curling up in his bed with a cup of tea.

As he unlocked his door, his eyes drifted to one of the fliers he’d hung the week before. Interested in being an RA? the flier read. Below it listed where to find information or who to contact about applying, but what caught his attention was the bright pink sticky note attached to the flier.

I would apply for the job, but I could never be as good of an RA as you, the note read. Alec felt his cheeks heating up as he reached up to detach the note from the flier. He looked around, as if whoever left it might still be around, but the hall was deserted aside from himself. He looked back at the note, lips upturning in a small smile.

Alec swiped into his room and dropped his backpack in a hurry next the door. He searched through his desk drawers until he found a stack of post it notes and a pen. He opened the door to his apartment and stuck the original sticky note on the outside of the door, and placed his own beneath it.

Whoever wrote this, he scrawled, you just made my day. He drew an arrow to the original note. He didn’t know why, but he hoped whoever left it would see.

***

“Why did I let you talk me into this?” Alec grumbled, shooting his sister a glare as she laughed.

“Because I’m a good girlfriend, and you’re a good brother,” Izzy said happily.

Alec raised an eyebrow. “You aren’t Simon’s girlfriend, though,” he pointed out. Clary snickered beside him.

“She’d better not be,” she said, elbowing Alec lightly.

“He’s not exactly my type,” Izzy deadpanned, looping an arm around Clary’s waist as they slid into an open booth. The bar was packed and dim and smelled faintly of smoke, which Alec quickly decided to be his least favorite combination.

“So his band is called Rock Solid Panda?” Alec asked, eyeing the flier on table.

Clary nodded. “It could be worse, though.”

Alec snorted. “That’s up for debate.”

“It used to be Champagne Enema.”

Alec blanched. “Okay, yeah, Rock Solid Panda is a great name.”

“Are Maia and Magnus coming tonight?” Izzy asked, turning to Clary after they’d ordered a round of drinks.

Clary nodded as their waitress returned with two glasses of wine and a beer. “Maia wouldn’t miss Simon’s first show. She’s almost more excited than he is, and if that’s not true love I don’t know what is.” She paused to take a sip of her wine. “Magnus said he’d try to come but I know he has like three exams this week, so we’ll see.”

“Spoke too soon,” Izzy laughed. Alec turned and saw Magnus and who he assumed was Maia heading towards them.

“Hey guys!” Maia called out over the noise as they reached the table and slid into the booth

“Maia, this is my brother, Alec,” Izzy introduced. “Alec, this is Maia, Simon’s girlfriend.”

“Nice to meet you,” he smiled.

“And you and Magnus already know each other, right?” Clary asked. Alec nodded and sent a quick smile Magnus’s direction.

Magnus’s hair was spiked today, with a hint of red in the tips that echoed the traces of red around his eyes. His shirt was simple and black, but it was fitted to his shoulders with a low cut V, and long-chained necklace hung down. Alec’s mouth went dry. He smiled at Alec, the low lights at the bar shining against what Alec only knew to be highlight after watching Izzy do her own makeup for years. “Hello, Alexander.”

He opened his mouth to reply—to say hello, to tell him absolutely no one called him Alexander, not even his parents—but the lights dimmed even further and Simon stepped onto the stage.

Alec couldn’t deny the show was good. Simon had talent, real talent. Maia and Clary cheered the loudest, their screams easily discernible over the din of the bar. Simon grinned at them and blew a kiss to Maia between songs. Alec couldn’t help but catch the adoring look on Izzy’s face as she watched her girlfriend cheer and laugh.

The show ended with an eruption of cheers all over the bar, none quite as loud as their own table. Simon came to join them, squeezing into the booth next to Maia and pressing a kiss to her cheek.

“You were amazing, babe,” Maia gushed.

Simon beamed at her. “Not as amazing as you.” He glanced around the table and grinned at Clary. “Seriously, I think the entirety of New York could hear you guys screaming.”

“Then the entirety of New York knows how talented you are,” Clary said, earning hums of agreement from the rest of the group.

“I say we celebrate!” Izzy exclaimed. “That new club Pandemonium just opened.”

Clary, Simon, and Maia all nodded eagerly. Izzy turned to Alec with a raised eyebrow.

“I have a staff meeting early tomorrow morning,” he said, shaking his head. “Sorry, Iz. You guys have fun, though.”

“I’ll walk back with you,” Magnus said. “I have far too many exams to study for at the moment.”

Izzy pouted. “Alright, but you both work too hard and I will force you to have fun one of these days.”

Alec laughed. “I don’t doubt it, Iz.”

Magnus looked affronted. “I have plenty of fun, I’ll have you know. The key, my dear, is moderation.”

***

The New York streets felt pleasantly calm after the crowded bar filled with loud conversations and music. The chilled air didn’t bite quite as badly as it did a few days ago, but Alec could still feel his nose burning a bright red and his fingers fighting to maintain their circulation.

“I can’t believe your sister and my best friend are dating and we haven’t gossiped about them yet,” Magnus said after a few moments of walking in silence.

Alec let out a surprised laugh. “I know. They’re aggressively cute, aren’t they?”

Magnus groaned. “The worst. Let me be single and lonely in peace.”

“Exactly,” Alec grinned. “Simon and Maia aren’t much better at being subtle, either, it seems.”

“No,” Magnus laughed. “But I am happy for them. Both couples, I mean.”

“Me too.”

Magnus stopped walking suddenly, Alec already a few steps ahead when he realized. He turned back to see Magnus staring up at the sky, and he craned his own neck to see what he was looking at.

Snow, he realized with a smile as several flakes began sprinkling all around them. He breathed a laugh.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Magnus said softly. He shivered as a few hit his face. “Cold as shit, too,” he added, eliciting another surprised laugh from Alec.

“Come on,” he said with a grin. “Let’s get inside before you freeze to death.”

Magnus grumbled but hurried after him as they walked the last few blocks to their building. The heating hit them like a portal to another world, one with modern conveniences and hot chocolate and lots and lots of blankets.

The elevator ride was quiet as they rode to the fourth floor. Magnus stared at his fingers, fiddling with the several silver rings he wore. Alec kept stealing glances at him, at the way a few snowflakes still clung to his hair and disappeared one by one until they’d all melted.

They stepped out of the elevator and Alec froze at the sight of his door. At the sight of a new post it note, stuck right beneath the original note and his own.

“Alexander?” Magnus asked softly.

“Sorry,” he said, shaking his head. “Someone’s been leaving me notes,” he said, gesturing to the new one.

“Oh?” Magnus asked. “What are they about?”

Alec pulled the latest one off the door. I’m glad, it read. You brighten my day every time I see you. His heart thudded in his chest. Who was leaving them?

“Just...really nice things I probably don’t deserve,” he said.

“I don’t know about that,” Magnus told him. “I know we don’t know each other that well, but don’t sell yourself short.”

Alec shrugged but offered him a small smile.

“Have a good night, Alexander,” Magnus smiled as he turned to head towards his own apartment.

“You too,” Alec called after him.

***

The notes came more frequently now, Alec noticed. Sometimes before he’d even had a chance to reply to one, another would appear on his door. Things like you have the best laugh or you have a beautiful smile, Alexander that left him blushing and confused with absolutely no idea who was leaving them.

“Sounds like you have a secret admirer,” Izzy told him when he’d mentioned the notes to her. “And you have no idea who’s leaving them?”

“None,” he’d confirmed. He’d almost convinced himself it was just Jace messing with him, but some of them had been blatantly flirtatious, and he knew his brother wouldn’t go that far. God, he was curious. He needed to get to the bottom of this.

Who is this? Why do you keep saying all of these incredibly nice things? he scribbled onto a sticky note and placed it on his door before he could change his mind. Maybe he wouldn’t get a response at all, but he had to try, he thought as he headed out for class.

***

The first thing Alec noticed when he returned from class and stepped off the elevator was that someone was standing at his door. He groaned internally, exhausted and not exactly in the mood to deal with whatever this new complaint or crisis might be.

The second thing he noticed was that the person wasn’t knocking. Instead, they were placing something on the door. They shifted slightly to the side and Alec saw a flash of purple. A post it note, Alec realized. Oh my god.

The third thing he noticed was that it was Magnus. He ducked around the corner before Magnus could turn and see him, heart beating heavily in his chest. Magnus was leaving the notes. Magnus was his secret admirer.

He watched from the corner as Magnus capped his pen and headed back down the hall towards his own apartment. Alec approached his door slowly, eyes not straying from the purple sticky note.

Because you’ve unlocked something in me, Alexander, the note read. Alec didn’t fail to realize Magnus hadn’t answered the first question he’d left earlier. It didn’t matter, though. He knew now, anyways.

He hurried inside to find his own stack of sticky notes, an idea forming in his mind.

You didn’t answer my first question, he wrote and hurried down the hall to Magnus’s door. He debated leaving it on the door for him to find later, but he worried Simon might find it first and just discard it. He bit his lip, thinking, and knocked before he could change his mind.

“Hey, Alec,” Simon said as he opened the door. “What’s up?”

“Is Magnus here?” he asked.

“Yeah, but he’s in the shower, I think.”

“Oh,” Alec said. “Well, can you give him this?” he asked, handing over the note. Simon raised an eyebrow as he read it. “He’ll know what it means.”

“Yeah, no problem,” Simon shrugged.

“Thanks.”

***

Magnus was at his door fifteen minutes later with still wet hair. It was adorable, Alec thought as he opened the door, but his breath caught in his throat when he realized Magnus wasn’t wearing any makeup either. He’d never seen him without striking eyeliner or touches of blush and highlight, and while the effect the makeup had was stunning, so was the man in front of him now.

“You know,” Magnus said in a rush. “How do you know?”

“Well,” Alec said. “You’re the only one who calls me Alexander. Even my parents don’t call me that.” He shrugged. “Also, I saw you put the last one on my door when I got back from class earlier,” he added with a grin. “Narrowed the playing field quite a bit.”

“Oh.”

Alec stepped back from the door. “Do you want to come in?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Magnus breathed as he stepped into the apartment. “Well, I guess the cat’s out of the bag.” His eyes met Alec’s and they were so sure Alec felt his heart pause. “I like you, Alexander. Quite a lot. You’re beautiful and kind and we’ve only hung out a few times but I can see how fiercely you care about your family and friends, and you listen, you really listen, and—”

Alec cut him off, unable to stop himself from surging forwards and kissing Magnus. It was quick and maybe a little awkward and caught off-guard, but it was good and real and felt more right than anything Alec had ever experienced.

“You’re all those things, too,” Alec said as he pulled away to breath. He gasped as his eyes widened in realization. He stumbled backwards a step. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—” He cut off, taking in the hurt expression on Magnus’s face. “Not like that,” he exclaimed. “This is coming out all wrong. I like you, I want to kiss you, I do, but I’m your RA, and we’re not supposed to get involved with residents because of potential conflicts of interest and—”

“Oh,” Magnus said suddenly, eyes wide. “I didn’t tell you yet. I came by to tell you earlier but you weren’t here, and then I saw the note you’d left.”

Alec’s forehead scrunched up in confusion. “Tell me what?”

“I found out I have enough credits to graduate a semester early. I’m graduating at the end of next week, after finals,” Magnus explained.

“You...you are?”

“I won’t be your resident after next week, so…” Magnus trailed off.

“No conflict of interest?” Alec asked with a slight grin.

“No conflict of interest,” Magnus confirmed.

“In that case, would you like to go out with me at the end of next week?” Alec asked.

Magnus’s grin was blinding. “I would love to, Alexander.”

***

2 years later

“Darling, wake up,” Magnus whispered into Alec’s cheek. He laughed softly as Alec groaned in response, not yet ready to leave sleep or their bed behind.

“Don’t want to,” he mumbled, attempting to burrow his head further into his pillow.

“But I want to make pancakes. Or waffles,” Magnus said. Alec could feel his pout against his cheek and his heart twinged at how cute his boyfriend was, even when he was trying to force Alec from their warm, comfortable bed.

“You can make them, and I can stay in bed, then,” he grumbled, but he couldn’t stop himself from opening his eyes to peek at Magnus’s adorable pout.

He wasn’t disappointed. “But it’s more fun if we make them together,” Magnus said softly, his pout worthy of every Academy Award.

Alec was a fool if he thought he could ever win out over that pout. “Fine,” he whined. “I’ll leave our very extremely comfortable bed to satisfy your appetite.”

Magnus hummed. “That’s odd. Usually satisfying my appetite requires us to be in the bed.” Alec sat up and swatted at his arm, earning a chuckle. “Come on, love. These pancakes aren’t going to make themselves,” Magnus said cheerily before disappearing into the kitchen.

Magnus had already made two steaming cups of coffee by the time Alec joined him. He hummed, breathing in the scent as Magnus handed him a mug.

“I think you love caffeine more than me,” Magnus teased.

“Not possible,” Alec said as he took a sip.

“How do you do that?” Magnus asked. “How do you always say the most casually heart wrenching things?”

“I don’t always say them,” Alec shrugged. “Only when I’m with you.”

“There you go again. You’re going to be the death of me one day, Alexander.” He leaned forwards to press a kiss to the tip of Alec’s nose before turning towards the ingredients scattered on the counter. “Darling, can you grab the milk out of the fridge?”

Alec set his mug on the counter and turned to Magnus as he opened the fridge. “If I’m going to be the death of you, then it’s a miracle I’m still alive.” He placed the milk on the counter, eyes flicking to the fridge as the door swung shut. His eyes caught on a little blue square right in the center of the door.

“What’s this?” he asked Magnus, who just stared at him. His heart felt like a trapeze artist as he read the note.

Will you marry me?

His eyes flicked over to Magnus who was still staring, playing with the rings on his fingers. “Really?” he asked softly, the hope and love in his voice coming out thickly.

“It’s not too informal, is it?” Magnus asked nervously. “I was going to get a ring and do the whole romantic candlelight dinner thing, but I thought this felt more...us.”

“It’s perfect,” Alec said, his vision blurring slightly as tears filled his eyes. “Wait.” He ran over to his desk, searching through the messy drawers. He pulled out a sticky out and grabbed a pen, hurrying back over to the fridge. He placed the blank note next to Magnus’s and scrawled Yes, a laugh bubbling in his throat. “You’re right. This is more us.”

Magnus stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Alec’s waist, his own eyes wet with tears that hadn’t fallen yet. “I love you so much, Alexander.”

“I love you, too,” he said, voice cracking as he leaned into kiss his fiancé.

[lastbluetardis]

Chemical Potential (8/11)

Summary: Slightly homesick and stressed about her abysmal chemistry grade, Rose Tyler meets quirky James Smith, the boy who sits in front of her in their chemistry class. They become fast friends as James makes it his personal mission to help Rose get through the semester.

Ten x Rose University AU

This chapter: ~5200 words, teen

Notes: This was written for the lovely @thegreenfairy13 as part of the @dwsecretsanta gift exchange. Also tagging @doctorroseprompts.

I foresee about two or three more chapters after this one.

AO3 | Ch1 | Ch2 | Ch3 | Ch4 | Ch5 | Ch6 | Ch7 | Ch8 | Ch9 | Ch10 | epilogue

“Hey Mick! Come on in!”

Rose moved back and let her oldest friend step through the threshold into her flat. He was in town for a conference, and had promised to stop by for a visit before flying back to New York.

The scent of grease, cheese, and bread wafted from the large cardboard box in his hands, making her stomach gurgle hungrily.

“Make yourself comfy,” she said, taking the pizza box from him to set on her cluttered kitchen table. “S’cuse the mess.”

Rose grabbed plates from her cabinet, then opened her fridge for two bottles of beer. After she and Mickey plated their pizza, they sank onto her couch.

“How have you been, babe?” he asked, knocking his knee against hers. “How are you enjoying America?”

“I’m good,” Rose answered. She took a bite of pizza but winced when the hot cheese and sauce scalded the roof of her mouth. “America is fine, I suppose. Different from London, but I like it.”

“And school?” he prompted.

“It’s… okay,” she said carefully. “I’m taking a chemistry class. Stupidest decision of my life. I’m rubbish at it. But my other classes are all right, I s’pose. I’ve only got one art class. Well, I mean, I’m also in an art history class, but I don’t particularly count that. My art class is a painting class, which isn’t really my specialty, but I like it well enough.”

“What have you been working on?” Mickey said, slouching back against the sofa. He took a lazy swig from his beer, then used the bottle to point to Rose’s opened but sleeping laptop which was perched atop various loose papers and her sketchpad.

“I was touching up a few photos before you arrived,” she answered vaguely.

“Can I see?”

Rose bit her lip. Mickey had always supported her art. While she knew he thought it was a difficult career path to try to follow, he’d never voiced his doubts aloud. He was always game for taking a look at her work, especially if she was trying a new technique.

But she knew that James would be the only thing he’d see on her computer screen. The two of them had gone on a walk during a sudden snow squall a few days ago, and Rose had taken photos of him and the two of them walking around the snowy campus. The snow hadn’t lasted longer than a day, but it had been beautiful as it came down.

“Oh, come on,” Mickey goaded. “You’ve never been shy before.”

“Shut up,” Rose said lightly, smacking his thigh.

“Were you working with a nude model?” he teased.

“Shut up!” she said again, laughing. “No, I haven’t worked with a nude model.” She gave him a sly smile. “That’s not ‘til I get to the advanced courses.”

“Well then, lemme see,” he said.

Rose bit back a sigh and stood up to grab her laptop. She woke it up, logged in, then pulled up the photos she’d been touching up. The first one made her heart squeeze. James had his head tilted back, his eyes squeezed shut, and his mouth wide open as he caught snowflakes on his tongue. It was a close-up shot; bits of snow clung to his lashes and she could easily see the smattering of freckles across his cheeks and nose. He was utterly beautiful.

The next photo was of James crouching beside a mini-snowman he’d made. It had taken him ten minutes to scrape up enough snow to build the six-inch-tall snowman. Nevertheless, he was beaming proudly as he squatted beside his creation.

“And who’s this?” Mickey asked, raising an eyebrow at her when he realized her subject was the same man.

Her cheeks burned as she muttered, “James.”

“And who’s James?”

“Nobody,” she lied. “A kid in my chemistry class. He’s helping me study.”

Mickey stifled his grin around a swig of beer. “Uh huh. Sure babe. ‘Cos study buddies definitely go on snowy walks together.”

Rose’s face was on fire, but she couldn’t quite get the denial out. She knew she and James were more than friends. Well. She felt more than friendship towards him. But she still didn’t know where he stood, or what he thought or felt about her.

The buzzing of her phone gave her the distraction she desperately desired. It vibrated again, then again. The texts came through in rapid-fire succession that immediately told her it was James. It was endearing that he sent a series of back-to-back texts rather than one long message.

A smile crossed her lips when she saw his name on her phone, then she read his texts and her smile grew after each one.

Hey! Hope you’re having fun with your mate. Sorry if I’m interrupting. Ignore me ‘til you’re free, if you want.

But I’ve got a question. Well. An invitation. Thanksgiving is the week after next.

I know you’re not American and probably don’t give two shits. But still, when in Rome, y’know.

Anyway, I was gonna have a few mates ‘round my place for dinner. Mates who live far enough away that they aren’t going home for the break.

Turkey and potatoes and stuffing and veggies and pie. Basically it’s Christmas, Part One. Gluttonous Americans.

Oh, the dessert-y pie btw.

There’s gonna be loads of food.

What d’you say Rose Tyler?

“Is that him then?”

Rose jolted, then her cheeks flamed. She’d forgotten she wasn’t alone, and she was painfully aware that she had the daftest grin on her face.

“Maybe,” she said. She grabbed her bottle of beer and took a long pull from it, hoping the motion would help get rid of her smile.

“What’d he want?”

“To invite me to Thanksgiving dinner in two weeks,” she said. Mickey waggled his eyebrows, and she reached over and pinched his arm. “He invited several people, Micks.”

She turned back to her phone and typed, “That sounds great! Count me in!”

Woohoo!!

Then he sent three grinning emojis and three thumbs-up. She smiled and sent back, “Can’t wait! I’m excited to see what the hype is all about.”

“You really love him, don’t you?”

Rose whipped her head around to face her friend, who was watching her closer than she was comfortable with.

“Dunno what you’re talking about,” she mumbled, but her voice was thin. “We’re just mates.”

But Mickey was looking at her dubiously, and Rose didn’t bother to deny it again.

“Have you told him?”

“Course not,” she scoffed.

“How come?”

“Because what if he doesn’t feel the same way? Or what if he turns out to be another Jimmy?” That was her biggest fear. She was already so in love with James, even more than she’d been with Jimmy. It was exhilarating and terrifying. The stakes seemed much greater this time, and she knew that if things went badly with James, it would hurt even worse than last time.

“Has he given any indication that he’s a lying, cheating wanker?”

“Well, no, but neither did Jimmy at first,” Rose argued. But she couldn’t picture James becoming like Jimmy. She was sure there were warning signs with Jimmy, but her stupid teenaged self had been too besotted and naive to see them. She knew better now, and yet James wasn’t showing any signs of being anything other than his adorable, goofy, kind, lovable self.

“Are you gonna go through life assuming the worst about people?” Mickey asked carefully. “That’s not the Rose Tyler I knew.”

“You knew the Rose Tyler who didn’t have her heart broken,” she sighed.

Mickey gave her an appraising look. “You’ve got it bad,” he said softly. “For someone who’s insisting you’re ‘just friends’.”

Rose sighed as she began gnawing at her thumb cuticle.

“Maybe a bit,” she admitted. “He’s just… he’s amazing, Mick.”

“Then why haven’t you snogged him yet?” Mickey asked.

“We’ve gone over this,” Rose huffed. “Jimmy sort of put a sour taste in my mouth regarding relationships.”

“That son of a bitch wins if you let yourself be miserable and alone. Do you really want to be moping about that wanker when he’s out there shagging that bimbo he left you for?” Rose winced. “Sorry, babe. But you know what I mean.”

“Yeah. And no, I don’t. I’m not miserable, Mickey. And I’m not lonely.” She hissed as she bit her cuticle down too far and it began to bleed. “I just… what if it doesn’t work? Or what if he’s not attracted to me and things get awkward. He’s my best mate. Apart from you, of course,” she added hastily when Mickey let out a grunt of protest. “I love being around him, and I love our friendship. I don’t want that to go away.”

“Have you ever considered the idea that he’s as in love with you as you are with him?” Mickey asked.

“I… no, not really. Because that means getting my hopes up.”

“What wrong with that?” Mickey shrugged. “Rose, I know you’re scared of being hurt again. I know. But think about what you might be losing. Eh? What if you’re both in love with each other and are perfect together? Remember how happy you were with Jimmy in the beginning? Imagine that, but deeper. And forever.”

“Being with Martha has made you soft,” Rose teased, even as a lump lodged itself in her throat.

“Oi, don’t knock it,” Mickey said, jabbing his elbow into her ribs. “Being in love is the best thing that’s happened to me. I want that for you, too, Rose. I want to see you happy.”

“I am happy,” she stressed.

“I want to see you happier,” he amended.

Rose loosed a long, low breath. “I never thought I’d see the day when Mickey Smith gave me dating advice.”

Mickey chuckled, but sensed that Rose was done with the conversation, and stood up for another beer.

He stayed for another few hours before calling a taxi to take him back to his hotel room.

Even after Mickey had long gone, his parting piece of advice still rang in her head. Instead of imagining the worst-case scenario, imagine the best.

oOoOo

Rose was eager to go to her chemistry lecture on Monday morning. She hadn’t talked with James much over the weekend, between hanging out with Mickey and working a ten-hour shift at the grocery store on Sunday.

But when she sat down for class, James was nowhere to be found. He didn’t stroll in at the last minute, like he sometimes did, and when she checked her phone after the period was over, there were no texts from him letting her know he wouldn’t be in.

She headed to the library to pass the time until her noontime class, and when she sank into a plush sofa, she pulled out her phone and sent James a message.

“I hope everything’s all right.”

She spent the next fifteen minutes opening and closing various apps, waiting anxiously for James to reply. It wasn’t like him to go suddenly silent.

Yeah. Fine. Why?

She exhaled with relief.

“You weren’t in class today.”

Am I not allowed to skip class just because I feel like it? I didn’t realize I needed your permission. Or to check in with you.

Rose started, then her chest caved at his un-James-like rudeness.

“Of course you can. Sorry. Didn’t mean to nag.”

Tears burned behind her lids and she pressed her palms to them. The last thing she wanted to do was break down in the library. But she was self-conscious and upset by James’s behavior.

Towards the end of their ill-fated relationship, Jimmy had used to tell her to stop nagging him. That she was being paranoid and suffocating him. That she shouldn’t have been surprised he found another girl who was more trusting and less paranoid.

Her phone buzzed on her thigh.

No, I’m sorry. I’m being rude. Really. I’m sorry. I appreciate you checking in. For all you knew, I was dead in a ditch. I’m sorry.

Rose sniffled and wiped her stinging nose against her sleeve.

“If I’m being overbearing, please tell me,” she said, even though it would hurt if James asked for distance from her.

You’re not. I promise.

I’m just. Not feeling well.

“Sick?”

No. Emotionally. Having a shit day.

I’m actually gonna go back to bed now.

I’ll see you Wednesday.

Sorry I was an arse.

Rose frowned at her phone, but didn’t reply.

She was worried about him for the rest of the day. He must be having a truly awful day if he skipped school. Sure, she’d seen him on the days when he was short-tempered or sullen, but he was always pleasant and polite with her, even if he was sometimes quiet and withdrawn. And she’d always managed to make him smile on those days.

But this seemed different. She didn’t know why, but she felt it deep in her gut.

Finally, she was done with classes for the day, glad that Monday was her early day. At two in the afternoon, Rose stood at the bus stop, but rather than catch the bus to her apartment, she instead rode it to the stop near the grocery store. She had a list running in her head, and it was a quick trip in for the ingredients to make her Nan’s old homemade chicken noodle soup. As a little girl, that had always been one of her favorite meals, and as she grew older, Rose often made it as a comfort food.

While James wasn’t physically ill, she hoped the soup would cheer him up even a tiny bit. Or at the very least, it would be a quick meal for him if he wasn’t in the mood to do any cooking.

For the next two hours, Rose slaved over an enormous pot of boiling chicken, adding seasonings and chopped vegetables and lastly noodles to the pot. Her flat was filled with the scent of the cooking soup, and it made an ache of nostalgia ping in her chest.

The soup was eventually ready, and Rose ladled half of it into a different pot. Then she called for an Uber and made her way to James’s house.

She argued with herself for the entire ride. Was she crossing some sort of boundary? Would he be annoyed that she showed up? Would he think it was weird? Would he think it was overbearing and suffocating, no matter what he’d said earlier?

Her heart thudded rapidly against her ribs as the driver pulled into James’s development. Well, there was nothing to do but go for it. At the very least, she’d drop off the soup then go back home.

“This house here?” the driver asked.

“Yeah. Could you wait for a few minutes? I’m dropping off food for a friend. I dunno if he’s even home or anything.”

Even though Rose could plainly see James’s car in his driveway.

“Sure thing.”

Rose clambered out of the back of the car, vat of soup in her arms, then she walked to the front door. Her hands were full, so she pressed the doorbell with her elbow.

Long seconds passed, and Rose was about to try the bell again when the door opened. James looked awful. His hair was unkempt, his eyes were red and glassy, and he was still in his pajamas.

“Rose?” he asked, his voice hoarse. He blinked rapidly a few times, as though he didn’t believe it was actually her standing there.

“Er, hi. I- I just wanted to check that you were okay.” Then she raised her arms a little, showing him the pot in her hands. “I made soup. If you want.”

“Yeah. Thanks. Haven’t eaten since breakfast.”

Rose frowned. “It’s nearly six o’clock.”

He shrugged.

“Are you… all right?”

He shrugged again.

“Do you want to be alone?” she asked quietly.

“Why would anyone want to be alone?” he asked bitterly. She’d never heard him use that tone before, and the combination of anger and agony made her stomach twist into knots. She wanted to drop the soup and take James into her arms until that haunted look left his face.

“I meant… do you want me to come in and hang out for a while?”

“You don’t have to,” he said wearily, rubbing his fingertips into his eyes. “I’m not going to be good company.”

“You don’t need to be,” she said. “We can sit on the couch in complete silence if you’d like. I’m actually here to see your cats, anyway.”

The tiniest of smiles tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Yeah. Okay.”

She grinned. “Kay.”

Rose turned towards the idling driver and balanced the pot of soup on one hip to free up a hand. She waved him off, and he raised his hand in recognition before pulling away. She then turned back towards James and followed him into his house.

“Hi, Pip,” Rose said as the tabby zoomed straight into her legs. Pippin chirped and wove between her feet, nearly tripping her as she walked to the kitchen. “I’m gonna start heating this up, if that’s all right? It shouldn’t take long. I just made it so it’s still warm.”

James nodded and followed her as she set the pot of chicken soup on the stovetop and turned on the burner.

“We’ll let that heat through, then we’ll eat,” she said, more to fill the silence between them than anything.

With the soup beginning to warm up, Rose had nothing else to keep her attention. She turned and rested her bum against the counter and looked at James.

“What’s wrong?” she asked gently.

James had mirrored her position and was intently watching little tufts of steam rise from the pot.

“Today’s the day my parents died,” he said, his voice flat and toneless. “It’s always a hard day. Usually my aunt comes by, but she couldn’t get the time off this year.”

“Oh, James.”

“Don’t,” he bit out. “Just… don’t.”

Rose tried not to let her hurt show on her face.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, shoving his hands into the pockets of his pajama bottoms as he scuffed his socked toes across the floor.

Rose tentatively stepped up to him, and she reached out to touch his arm. The muscles of his forearm stiffened, but she kept her hand on his skin and rubbed her thumb through the fine hairs on his arm. After a moment, his muscles loosened.

She leaned back against the counter and moved her hand to link her arm through his. She hugged it to her chest and rested her head on his shoulder.

He sighed, then rested his head atop hers.

“It’s been nine years,” James murmured. “And I’m still… so angry. I’m furious with them. Both of them. Why did my mum have to bother with our stupid dogs? Eh? And why did my dad go back in? Why did he just… leave me? He left me outside. He left me alone.”

James’s voice broke, and so did Rose’s heart. Her eyes burned, but she squeezed them shut, forcing her tears back.

“Why did they leave me?”

Rose shuffled until she was standing in front of him, and she wrapped her arms around his waist. She lifted onto her tiptoes until she could set her chin on his shoulder. His cheek scraped across hers, then his ear pressed into her cheek as he hugged her back tightly. He was trembling slightly, and Rose stroked his back in what she hoped was a soothing manner.

“I’m so sorry, James,” she whispered. “So sorry.”

He didn’t say anything, but he tightened his arms around her.

Rose didn’t say anything more, nor did she drop her arms from around James. She’d hold him for as long as he needed it.

Eventually, he gave her a single squeeze then straightened. Taking his cue, she dropped her arms and took a step back.

His eyes were red-rimmed, but she pretended to not notice. She gave him a tentative, tight-lipped smile, which he returned before he turned away from her to find a tissue. As he blew his nose, Rose went to the stove and stuck a ladle into the pot of soup to stir it.

“I think it’s done. Want some?”

“Yes please,” he said, his voice somewhat raspy. He cleared it. “I’m starved and it smells amazing.”

“Bowls?” she asked, gesturing to his cabinets.

She skated to the one he pointed to, and she grabbed two bowls for them, and scooped soup into it. She then grabbed spoons and walked to the dining table.

“Pippin,” Rose sighed when the tabby leaped gracefully onto the table and lifted himself onto his back legs to try to see what was in her hands. “You’re gonna burn your little nose.”

James lifted his cat into his arms. Pippin nuzzled into James’s chest, but then began to cry when he realized James was walking him out of the kitchen. Rose giggled at the pathetic cat while she set the bowls onto the table and slid into a seat.

“The idiot acts as though I never feed him,” James grumbled when he walked back into the kitchen. “Can I get you something to drink? Water? Wine? Beer? Other?”

“Water’s fine,” Rose answered. “Thanks.”

James grunted in acknowledgement, then passed her her beverage and sat in the chair opposite her.

They slurped at their soup, and apart from James complimenting the meal, he didn’t say anything. The silence was only somewhat uncomfortable, but Rose didn’t want to force him to make conversation if he didn’t feel like it. So she simply stared at her own bowl, pushing the contents around after each bite.

Rose was pleased when James ladled himself a second albeit smaller helping. He finished the entire thing, then cleared their dishes and stacked them into the empty sink. That task done, he turned to her and stared intently at her for a few uncomfortable seconds.

“Why are you here?”

Rose frowned.

James’s eyes widened. “I mean, obviously I’m glad you’re here. You’ve made today as bearable as it can be. But… why?”

Her face softened. Because I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you, and my God, my heart is breaking for you today and I can’t bear the thought of you being upset or lonely.

His gaze was on her, expectant, as she swallowed down the words she wished she could say.

“Because you’re my friend. You’re my best friend,” she modified. “And it hurts me to see you hurting. And I know I can’t erase all the pain you’re feeling, but the least I can do is be here so you’re not alone.”

James’s expression was unreadable and his eyes were glassy. But he blinked and they cleared, but the unidentifiable gentleness remained on his face.

“Thank you,” he murmured. “You’re… I…” He clicked his teeth shut, then ran his hand through his limp hair. “Do you want to watch a movie or something? Or do you need to be getting home?”

“I can stay,” Rose said immediately. While she had a stack of work to do, she knew it would be there for her tomorrow.

Rose followed James into the living room, and she lowered herself onto the couch beside him as he turned on his television and opened the Netflix app.

“Find something for us to watch,” he said, giving her the remote. “I’m gonna free Pip from his prison.”

Rose chuckled and scrolled through the list of films, unsure of what James was in the mood for. Probably something light and funny.

She finally settled on a rom-com, hoping James wouldn’t mind. She’d never been able to watch those kinds of movies with Jimmy. He’d always moaned until she flipped it to a superhero or action movie.

“Excellent choice,” James said, making her jump. She hadn’t heard him return. Pippin jumped onto the couch and into Rose’s lap, kneading her in a rhythm she thought too quick to be soothing. But he was purring loudly and blinking lazily.

James plopped down beside her, then she hit the play button and they settled in to watch a woman travel to Paris to try to win back her fiancé’s heart.

They didn’t speak at all though the movie, but they each laughed to themselves at certain scenes. Rose was pleased whenever she saw James smile out of the corner of her eye.

“Wanna watch another?” Rose asked when the end credits rolled.

“We don’t have to,” James said quietly. “It’s getting late. You can go home if you’d like.”

“I’m up for another movie if you are,” Rose answered. “Or if you’re subtly trying to tell me you want me to leave, you’re gonna have to be a bit more obvious.”

James snorted and rolled his eyes, but she saw his entire body relax as he picked up the remote and sifted through the movies. He landed on a Disney film—Tarzan. She was a little surprised by his selection, considering how the movie began.

As they watched the flames eat up the ship and Tarzan’s parents flee in their lifeboat, James began to speak.

“That night was the worst night of my life. I can still remember everything perfectly, no matter how hard I try to forget.

“My dad came into my room and shook me awake, saying the house was on fire. None of the alarms were going off. The batteries were probably shot. I don’t ever remember my parents checking or replacing them. Half the house was already in flames. The police still don’t know what caused the fire. Anyways. Dad grabbed me and ran. He literally… He hoisted me over one shoulder and carried me outside.

“He waited with me for about a minute. But he was terrified for my mum. So he went back inside. He hadn’t been in for more than five seconds before the whole house just… exploded. Literally. Blown to bits. I got knocked to my arse and hit my head and passed out.

“When I came to, I was in the hospital and couldn’t hear anything. I think I started screaming, ‘cos they knocked me out. Then when I woke up, Aunt Sarah was there. When my head was healed, she took me home with her to Croydon.

“It was hard for both of us at first. I hated her. It wasn’t fair, but I resented everything about her. I hated her house. I hated Croydon. I hated my new school. I hated myself. I hated my parents. I hated my stupid, fucking, arsehole dogs. And I especially hated my mum for wanting to save them instead of herself, and for making my dad go back inside.

“Bless Aunt Sarah, though. She let me rage, but she also held me accountable and told me off when I was being a bit too dramatic. She made me go to counselling, which I grudgingly admit helped after a while. Eventually I woke up one day and my anger was gone. More or less. But then the depression set in.

“It scared my aunt to death to see me go from emotional to numb seemingly overnight. But I worked through that, too. It took a damn long while. But funnily enough, moving to the United States helped. Aunt Sarah had wanted to move here for so long, but put it off because she didn’t want to upset me with too many changes too quickly.

“But when I was sixteen, she asked if I might like to come to America, and I jumped at the chance. I figured I could remake myself. I didn’t have to be the boy whose parents died. I could just be James, the cool kid with a cool accent.”

James blinked, then his cheeks turned red. “Sorry. I kinda word-vomited there.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Rose said, reaching over to thread her fingers through his. “I don’t mind listening.”

He gave her hand a squeeze, then kept their fingers interwoven as they lapsed back into silence.

About half way through the movie, James’s fingers began to twitch in hers. She glanced over and saw his head was tipped back and he was half asleep. He jerked himself awake half a dozen times before he fell into a deeper sleep and didn’t stir for the remainder of the movie.

It was almost eleven o’clock, and Rose was drowsy but still awake. James, however, was completely out and snoring softly. She carefully lifted herself up off the couch, then took the blanket they’d been sharing and tucked it higher up on his chest. He didn’t stir.

She straightened, then chewed on her lip as she tried to figure out what she should do. Should she stay with him? Or should she call an Uber to take her back to her flat? She wanted to stay, but perhaps that was too presumptuous. But she also didn’t want James to wake up and not know where she was.

After she tidied up the house—putting the leftover soup in the fridge, washing up the few dishes in the sink—Rose went back into the living room. James was still dead asleep, though Pippin had curled himself into his side. The cat chirped, then the sound morphed into a yawn as he rolled closer to James and went to sleep.

Rose smiled. Then, making a potentially rash decision, she took the blanket that was draped along the back of the couch and sat down in the recliner. She pulled the footrest up and leaned back to get comfy. She curled up on her side to watch James.

His chest rose and fell slowly as he breathed. The deep lines that had been present all night on his face her smoothed over. He looked like any other untroubled twenty-two-year-old boy.

A warm ache bloomed inside of Rose, swelling through her chest and stomach as she watched him sleep. She could get used to this.

Instead of imagining the worst-case scenario, imagine the best.

Unbidden, Mickey’s piece of advice clanged through her head.

What was the best-case scenario?

She would profess her love for James, and miraculously, he would admit he felt the same way. She would kiss him, and he’d kiss her back. She would promise to love him forever, and he would give her that same promise, and they both would uphold the vow for the rest of their lives. She would find her soulmate in him, and he would find his soulmate in her.

Rose yearned for that fantasy to come true. She wanted so badly to tell James how she felt. Even if he didn’t feel the same way, she found that she didn’t want to hold anything back. In fifty years, she didn’t want to look back and regret not saying anything to James and potentially miss out on her great love story.

After finals, Rose vowed to herself. Let me get through this class. Then I’ll tell him. Let me get through this semester, and I’ll talk to him. It’s only four more weeks.

A sense of calmness settled over Rose, and with her resolve strengthened, she slipped into a dreamless sleep.

[en-chantant]

I try and try and try and try to be strong to keep on fighting I try my best but each time I have less energy and what am I supposed to do if my life is so miserable in every aspect

I am sick: My whole body hurts a lot and it feels like it is burning itself, I can't even get out of bed anymore. The pain is too big. This is like living in hell and I really really want it to stop. I don't have any medication for this and IDK man it just sucks sooooo bad

I am depressed: I've been depressed during many years and I had found a way to cope with the illness for a while I was doing so much better but that has fallen apart as well. My body is covered on scars as a reminder of who I really am. I was diagnosed with major depression and panic disorder and I never got a treatment for that

I have no future: Even though I try my hardest in University and I take extra classes, I live in a fucked up country where nothing works and people starve to death. I can't leave this place because I'm too sick to be able to work daily

I have no money: I starve almost every day. I'm not dying but I'm surely not eating properly and it is so hard to have energy to do anything when I'm so hungry. I need new clothes and I'm obviously not gonna be able to afford them. I need fucking MEDICATION for my illness and I can't afford it. I can't work because I'm too sick to move oh God

I have no friends: That is not a big problem because I'm used to it but sometimes it hits me harder. I have only one person in my life who is always there to support me but I barely see her because she's always busy with her own life so I'm always alone anyway. People always leave when they find out that I'm fucked up as hell...

I have suicidal thoughts: I wanna die soooo badly oh my God I'm a coward but I'm sure life is too hard for me to be able to put up with it. I'm too weak and that's it.

I still talk to my abusive ex: I had the hardest relationship with him because he wanted to control every aspect of my life. It's been years and I still talk to him because somehow I still care...

I fell in love again: Soo when it seemed like nothing could go worse I fell in love with this guy who was supposed to be my best friend, we kissed and made out twice but now it seems that he doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I'm pretty sure I'm too fucked up for him. But oh God I fell for him and I don't know what to do now. I thought something nice was going to happen in my life for once but it was a lie. He doesn't wanna see me anymore and he doesn't reply to my texts...

Since I'm sick I have no idea how I'm gonna go to university if I can barely move out of my bed. I guess I'll fail this semester because of my sickness. I'm begging my mother to take me to a doctor but I've been waiting for months now and I'M TIRED AS FUCK OH MY GODDDDD

WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE TO LIVE IN THIS HELL

I had to give up on my dreams... I loved to train.. And I loved to practice aerial silks. I wanted to become an aerial acrobat, I was so sure about it. I got sick and now it's been months since I was able to train. It's just a dream now.

I am learning French which is something I truly enjoy. It had been keeping me sane during the last few months but now I don't think I will be able to go back to my classes because my illness has come to the point where I CAN'T FUCKING MOVE THE PAIN IS TOO STRONG AND I CRY BECAUSE I CAN'T TAKE IT

Ohh and my father is violent, when he gets mad he yells at me that I fucked up his life and that I should leave this place, he tells me he's going to hit me. He doesn't hit me... Yet. I'm afraid he will. He hit me when he discovered I cut myself, I remember I almost fainted.

Staying in bed every single day while I get older and my future goes away doesn't sound like a plan to me. I don't even have my own money to solve this problem. It's too big for a little girl.

I'm gonna be 20 soon. And I feel like I'm 6 .

Anxiety is gonna kill me if I don't do it first.... I would be trying my hardest If I wasn't so sick like c'mon!!!! There are lots of things I'd love to be doing but I CAN'T I'M FUCKED

I need help sooooo badly but no one is here to help. There is just SUFFERING alone in my room

So now why on Earth should I stay alive????????????

[cassyblue]

Ok I am getting fucking fed up. 

So A) Here I am feeling entirely incompetent, a failure, and unable to do anything on my thesis without needing to be hand held by my adviser. I have apologized to her before for being a high maintenance student. Like when I say that I don’t want to ask for funding to go to conferences or workshops because it’s pushing my luck since I have been an less than ideal student, it’s for a fucking reason. I fucked up my graduate assistant ship super badly last semester and while I’m doing better, I’m still not doing great. Like I don’t know how I am going to hold down a full time job because I struggle with taking care of myself and being competent. I can put in good work at my assistantship. But the problem isn’t the quality of the work, its that I struggle with exhaustion and energy levels. Things are better with meds but I literally have to be on campus almost every day of the week to manage my course load and work even after having my ga hours reduced. Is it bad that I want her to tell me that I am terrible and that I probably have no professional prospects. I want her to see me as I see myself. I want her to confirm it. I just want her to tell me Erin, you are the worst student I have had. I just want it to be true so I can move on. 

And my fucking coauthor who acts like we’re all buddy buddy when we are not. He basically got my fucking project because I was graduating and I couldn’t finish it and stepped in and acted like he was the expert when I was the the one who had been on it for 6 months before him is back at his bullshit ). So our paper got accepted. It’s my first publication. It’s his third or fourth at this point I think. But it was accepted with minor revisions. Which were supposed to be done TWO WEEKS AGO. I uNDERSTAND LIFE IS HARD AND BUSY. But like god between him and our PI it should have been easy to drop in the genebank info and like clarify a few things. I even asked if there was anything for me to do to help. I have gotten the third reminder from the journal that’s like HEY YOUR REVISION IS LATE YOU HAVE TO TELL US IF YOU NEED MORE TIME OR NOT. And I emailed to see if there’s anything I could help with and GOT NO RESPONSE. aND LIKE Maybe I wouldn’t be so high strung about this except for working in that lab was during my horrible depressive episode and I have been waiting almost two years for this damn publication and the last time I was told I would be an author on a publication IT NEVER HAPPENED. And I offer help and no one responds. I just feel like such a failure. That project I know I fucked up. I literally had anxiety attacks about going into the lab during the time I worked there and I would have anxiety attacks in the lab. I cried at the microscope because I was just in such a bad place. And I named my bug after an author whose books really helped me during that time. 

And what do I fucking see today?

My coauthor doing the university research showcase with a poster where he lists me as a coauthor without telling me (I mean it was second to last but still like hi tell me pls) with pictures of our new species with their names and shit. All while our paper revisions are not done. And like the research showcase is a nice to. It’s just cv filler. I did it as an undergrad my dude. I know what its like. 

It just makes me want to scream because when I was at my undergrad uni where he goes for grad school now, the pi told me she was working on revisions and that my bug the one i named was going to be the one investigated for biocontrol and it got my hopes  up. 

I’m not cut out for research and I know that. But let me have this one thing. Please. I just want to have this damn publication done so I can stop being angry and sad about it. I can put the fucking whole lab experience behind me. It Would give me closure. 

I didn’t tell anyone in the lab that I was depressed and so anxious that I was having breakdowns. My parents told me not to ell the pi. I probably just seemed like useless and lazy. I got a nice letter of reference but it’s all bullshit because I know I wasn’t stellar. I didn’t put my all in it. I had to deal with being picked at casually. I had to deal with sexism. I had to deal with my other job being disparaged.Like I don’t lik speaking ill of people. And that they’re so well connected when I’m just languishing because I can’t get my act together and I sturggle with life. Like I don’t know if it was my depression that made everything seem worse. And like I cried in the bathroom so much that one of th eolder grad students in a different lab noticed and told me I could come to her anytime if I felt down. 

All I feel like is the drugs are keeping me from exploding again. That they’re the only thing keeping me together and I just am struggling with therapy. I don’t know if its because its me. Or if its the therapist. I don’t want to talk about my parents over and over. I don’t know what to talk about. I don’t know what to do.

I just want the world to burn right now. I want to burn it down. Maybe I’ll come out to my parents and let that start a shit storm. That would be good. That would let me destroy myself so completely. 

you know as a kid I wanted someone to tell me there was something wrong wth me so badly. I wanted to be diagnosed with some deadly disease or chronic illness. Then people would care about me and love me I told myself. How fucked up was that. I just wanted someone to acknowledge that I was just inherently wrong and be kind to me for it. 

[ec-sanderssides]

May I suggest highschool analogical

Okay, so I realized as I was writing this that I actually have way more ideas for it than would fit into a oneshot, and that this might turn out to be multi chapter? Idk, I thought I’d see what you guys think of it before I do that. Anyway, i hope you the fic, aka The Most Awkward Semester Ever.

Virgil pressed his face to his pillow and groaned, his voice slightly muffled, “Why does the universe hate me?”  

“And you say I’m the dramatic one.” Roman sat down on the bed beside him. “What’s gotten you worked up this time.”

“We’re doing a partner project for English,” Virgil replied, rolling over onto his side. “And I got paired with Logan.”

“Logan?” Roman replied, a smirk growing on his face. “As in the Logan you have a cr-“

“Yes, as in the Logan I have a crush on,” Virgil snapped, burying his face back in the pillow. “It’s a disaster.”

“Come now,” Roman declared, “No need to be such a Negative Nancy. Think of this as an opportunity! You can use it as a chance to woo him.”

“It took me five minutes to stop sputtering and remember my name after he introduced himself to me,” Virgil said, face still buried in the pillow. “He thinks I’m an idiot.”

“Ah,” Roman grimaced, “I can see where that would be embarrassing. But don’t give up! You still have many chances to impress him. What’s the project on?”

“It’s for the midterm,” Virgil replied, reluctantly dragging himself up into a sitting position, “We have to pick a poet from the 18th or 19th century, and do a study of their life and the way the era influenced them, as well as do an in depth analysis of one of their poems. Logan suggested we meet in the library tomorrow to pick the poet.”

“Well there you go,” Roman exclaimed. “If you do some research on potential poets now, you can impress him tomorrow with your preparation.”

“You think?” Virgil asked, a small flicker of hope lighting within him.

“Well if there’s one I thing I’m good at, it’s romance.” Roman flashed a smile at him. “Now, pull out your laptop, I’ll help you prepare.”

Meanwhile

“I think my partner in English is scared of me,” Logan said dully, staring apathetically at his notebook. “I went to introduce myself and he startled so badly that I was worried he’d fall out of his seat, and then it took me another five minutes to calm down enough to get his name. I ended up telling him we could meet tomorrow to start the project, I felt so bad.”

Patton frowned. “I’m sure he’s not scared of you,” he said encouragingly, “Maybe he’s just shy.”

“Maybe,” Logan acknowledged, “But I’ve seen him interact with our classmates, and he didn’t seem to have a problem. I just wish I knew why I scared him.”

“Well you can be a little intense sometimes when it comes to academics.” Patton hummed. “You do have a reputation for overachieving. That might have intimidated him. Especially if he’s feeling worried about measuring up.”

Logan paused. That was an excellent point. He sighed, now he really felt bad. The problem was that he wasn’t sure how to fix that. It’s not like he could say don’t worry about it, he’d take care of the project. He actually did want Virgil to share the work load with him. But telling him not to worry about measuring up to his level just sounded arrogant and insulting. Social skills may not have been his forte, but he knew that much.

“Hopefully it will be better tomorrow,” he said rubbing his forehead. “Maybe if I let him pick the poet, he’ll feel more comfortable?”

“That’s a great idea,” Patton chirped. “And you wouldn’t mind letting him pick?”

Logan shrugged. “I like many different poets,” he replied. “If anything, this makes it easier, since trying to pick between them would difficult. They’re all so interesting.”

“Well, there you go,” Patton smiled. “Oh! And I can make cookies for you take along with you! Cookies make everyone feel more comfortable.”

“Patton, we’re meeting in the library,” Logan said, bemused. “They don’t exactly allow us to eat there.”

Patton pouted. “Well I’ll make them anyway, you can offer to share them afterwards,” he declared.

“If you like,” Logan said, turning back to his notes. Then after a pause, he added on “Thank you.”

Hopefully things would work out, he really didn’t to spend the semester watching Virgil flinch from him.

The next day

Virgil stood tall and determined by the doors of the library. He and Roman had researched for over an hour on poets last night, and he felt prepared and ready. He was actually kind of looking forward to this project now actually. The Romanic poets seemed cool.

Anyway, the point was that he wasn’t going to embarrass himself this time.

“Hello, Virgil.”

Virgil squeaked as he jumped out of his skin. Distracted by his thoughts, he hadn’t noticed Logan coming up behind him.

So much for not embarrassing myself, he thought, as he turned around. Clearly his throat, and hoping that Logan wouldn’t notice how badly his cheeks were burning, he replied. “Uh-hey.”

Logan was staring at him. Fuck, he was probably regretting getting paired with such an idiot. Eager to move on, Virgil hastily continued. “W-want to go inside. I, um, I already did some research on a bunch of different poets last night, so I’m definitely ready to get started today.”

Logan sighed internally. It looked like Virgil was still nervous around him. Hoping to ease the nervousness, he pulled out the container Patton had shoved in his hands this morning, now even more grateful for his friend’s forethought.

“I’m definitely interested in your thoughts on the project,” he replied, careful to keep his tone light and non-threatening. “But before we go in, would you like a cookie? My friend Patton gave them to me, but there’s no way I can consume all of them myself.”

He held his breath, as Virgil peered at the cookies, hoping the other would understand the unspoken apology for scaring him.

“Thanks” Virgil eventually said, reaching out to take one. “I love chocolate chip.”

Success! Logan thought. Now they could work on the project without Virgil being so nervous around him. Pleased with his progress, he smiled at Virgil, and motioned towards the door.

“Shall we?” he asked.

But Virgil only ducked his head and nodded. Logan suppressed a frown. Okay, maybe they weren’t there yet. But he was determined to make the other other boy feel more comfortable around him. And, he did have a whole semester to figure it out.

Meanwhile Virgil was dying inside. I cannot believe he fucking smiled at me, he thought desperately. I am doomed, utterly doomed. How on earth am I going to last all semester without stumbling all over myself.

Both unaware of the other’s internal conflict, the two boys made their way into the library finding an open table to sit at. Once they had sat down, Logan pulled out his notes, prompting Virgil to do the same.

“So poetry?” Logan said awkward, unsure of how to make the situation more comfortable.

“Yes, poetry.” Virgil agreed, still staring determinately at the table instead of Logan. “Let’s do that.”

This was going to be a long semester.

Part II Part IIIPart IV Part V Part VI