#i deleted this bc it felt too personal and i got scared um but its ok now

[apollumihelios]

as a second generation immigrant, it's weird and a little frustrating to try and create a world inspired by my culture when i feel so disconnected from it in the first place. it feels like something is missing from my life and I don't think any amount of studying will fill that void. but i want to try. everything I am revolves around this world I've created and it's been a good start for me to reconnect with my greek roots after being so indifferent my whole life.

I've been writing on and off for years, but only properly began this endeavour about four years ago when I was really questioning my life. to cope with everything I began making maps of a simple fantasy world, and creating small towns with insignificant lore in minecraft. but I became bored of creating standard medieval stories, I longed to see my culture within a genre I loved so much.

ultimately what pushed me to commit to writing was the lack of greek characters that were actually greek and well written, and not just used as a joke or to push a personal agenda (see literally every 'retelling' made by non-greeks). not to mention if anything greek happened to be in fantasy media, it's either an extinct culture with the classical aesthetic or the focus is on bastardizing the olympians. because that's all we're seen as; a dead culture whose only value comes from the gods. and that's just not true.

I wanted a world where the focus was instead on the people and their way of life, rather than the gods and epic wars. I wanted stories about families, friends, and lovers who didn't have any divine power at their behest. I wanted to read about the intimacy of the mundane, the beauty of being, and the tragedy of trying. I wanted to see my culture represented in a way that wasn't through the western eyes--which even I have been tricked by. I want greek stories told by greek people.

I don't know if my work will be any good or worth anything to anyone. maybe I'll get scared and none of it will see the light of day. I know this won't bring me any closer to understanding what I've missed out on, but just being able to learn and create something is enough for me.

[strawberrymilkgeorge]

Part Ten. Faces

warnings: swearing, hate comments word count: 4.1k (not including pics)

behind the screen (irl dream x f!reader) series masterlist ultimate masterlist

A/N: sorry its late!!!! this feels rushed but i was just too excited to get to some parts!!! also i have had some parts written out for SO long that they dont even feel cute to me anymore so im literally praying to every deity rn that you guys think its cute lmao anyway enjoy!!!!

**********

It had been about a week since Karl's slip up but everything was already more normal than Y/n had expected it to be. Of course, George, Sapnap and Quackity were all very understanding and gave her space while simultaneously reassuring her that she was safe with them. She fully believed it too, she knew she was safe with them and they weren't going to tell anyone her name.

The one unusual thing was now she had a heavy guilt, like someone dropped another sandbag in her stomach, every time Dream texted her. If the others knew, it was only fair that she tell him her name too, right? I mean, it's Dream. Dream! The boy who had quickly slipped his way into her life and, though she wouldn't admit it to Karl or Naomi, her heart.

But how? Does she just come right out and say it or wait until it gets brought up? She hadn't practiced telling anyone her name because she wasn't planning on doing it any time soon. Though, maybe she should have been seeing as she was going to see them all in person in a little over a month.

Regardless of the guilt, Y/n had other things to worry about today; Quackity was coming to visit. Karl had picked him up from the airport and the two of them spent all day catching up and doing who knows what but Y/n still hadn't met him. She was scared. She wasn't scared of Quackity, but scared because it was the first time one of her online friends would be able to put a face to her name and voice.

Y/n shuffled across her living room rug and reached for her phone on the coffee table, looking for some sort of distraction while she waited for them to arrive.

-

Y/n rolled her eyes but smiled, shaking her head as she threw her phone on the couch. Okay, he's right. It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be great. It's just Quackity. If he said anything rude or annoying or anything she could literally just step on him like a bug.

A sharp knock on the front door of her apartment snapped her back into reality. She shook her limbs of nervousness as she made her way to the door, two familiar voices begging to be acknowledged from the other side.

"Let us iiinnn!! Y/nnn!!!!" Karl whined.

After countless times asking the same question, she finally convinced Karl that she was okay with him using her real name in front of Quackity. He clearly still felt guilty about telling the boys her name, asking her multiple times in different ways whether he should call her Y/n or Bugsy in front of the guest. She finally got it through his head that she didn't mind either way.

"Hold on!" she yelled back. She unlocked the door and swung it open to see Karl and Quackity. "So impatient."

"Holy shit, you are tall! Goddammit, I thought that was a joke!"

Y/n laughed shyly at the greeting, looking at Quackity like he was crazy. "Hello to you too. Tried to warn you, dude."

"Yeah but, damn! You're tall and attractive, what the hell?"

"Dude," she said with a warning in her voice. She thought the flirting on Twitter was funny, but in real life she got embarrassed easier and wasn't a fan. "I'm about to kick you out of my house before I even let you in."

This was weird, meeting Quackity before meeting some of her other friends. She loved Quackity, but she had known George much longer and Sapnap even before that. There was no problem with meeting Quackity, she just had no idea how to act since she felt like she hardly knew him.

"Am I allowed to tell people that you're hot?" he asked as he fell on her couch, Karl following right after.

"Quackity!" Y/n yelled, her face heating up at a compliment. "Seriously?"

Karl cackled and shoved Quackity. "Shut up, Alex! No, you're not allowed!"

"Sorry, is that compliment reserved for Dream?" He cackled at his own joke and Y/n's face heated up even more.

"I seriously will kick you out of my house."

"You wanna be flirty on main but not in real life?" Quackity scoffed.

"I'm not flirty on main, you are!" she laughed. "Seriously, don't."

"Okay, sorry, I'll stop," Quackity promised with a laugh in his words.

The three of them fell into easy conversation, mostly because Karl and Quackity were already comfortable around each other at this point. They eventually decided to go to the mall, just to mess around and do something.

*reminder: covid doesn't exist in this fic bc we only want happy things so ignore their masks :P*

Y/n frowned as she unlocked her front door, staring at her phone. She had been so happy with all the fans freaking out about the meetup so she looked at the trending list, expecting to see a flood of keyboard smashes and happiness, but that's not all she ended up seeing. BUGKARLITY was trending, so she scrolled through the tweets and was upset to see not all of them were positive. In fact, when she typed her name in the search bar, lots of the tweets using her name were rather mean.

A few that stuck in her head called her an attention whore and said that her friends only flirted with her because she paid them too. Who on earth would even do that? Some hurt way more than others but she tried to push them aside. It wasn't like this was the first time she had seen comments like this, but they had only gotten worse since her Minecraft date with Dream. She was worried it was cause more hate for her friends and the last thing she wanted was to be the cause of their own hate.

She typed several different messages to Dream, deleting them all after she reread them. She felt like she had to request the same thing from him in a different way. Maybe because she felt like his words meant more, even if he really was just joking like the rest of them. She decided to call him instead of texting.

"Hi!" he chirped happily from the other end.

"Hi, Dream," she said as her chest filled with something warm at the sound of his voice. "How are you doing?"

"Good," he dragged out the word. "How are you?"

"Okay."

"Just okay? What's up?"

"Um," she started, immediately forgetting the words she decided she'd use. "I just... would you mind, uh, not flirting with me so much on, like, Twitter and streams and stuff like that?"

There was a silence before Dream's frantically apologetic words came through. "Yes, of course, oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. If I had known I was making you uncomfortable, I wouldn't have—"

"Wait, no," she interrupted but he must not have heard.

"—said things like... oh gosh. Bug, I'm really sorry—"

"Dream!" she raised her voice, getting him to stop ranting. "You don't make me uncomfortable."

"Oh. Really?"

"Of course not. I actually think it's really..." Cute? Adorable? Endearing? "funny," she decided.

"Oh. Then why...?"

She sighed heavily and explained what she told the others. "So, yeah. I just don't want you guys getting hate because of me so I figure if you stop then... you know."

"Bug..." he said gently. "I'm really sorry. I promise you that I don't—none of us think those things about you."

"I know."

"No, seriously," he said, clearly not believing her. "You need to understand that I..." he paused. "I mean what I say. Always."

Always? she thought. There's a few things he's said that certainly he didn't really mean... like calling her cute?

"I don't joke around like that unless I want to. I wouldn't say things like I say to you unless I really, really, genuinely considered you a close friend and felt comfortable around you. And I do."

Her heart swelled. "Thanks, Dream. I just... maybe don't do it so much for right now? Online, at least," she clarified, not wanting to deprive herself completely of Dream's flirting.

"Yeah, if that's what you want, of course."

"Well, I don't want you to stop flirting with me but, yeah."

He chuckled. "Oh, you do like when I flirt with you?"

She hummed and changed the subject. "Did I interrupt you doing anything?"

"No," his teasing voice dropped and was back to his regular self. "I'm just editing the video we filmed the other day."

"Oh, the 'Minecraft, but you can't touch the floor'?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Oh," she said, not meaning to sound disappointed. "I'll let you get back to it—"

"No. I mean, you can stay on the phone. Unless you're busy."

She smiled and put her phone on speaker and set it next to her foot on the floor. "I was just gonna paint. So I can stay."

Before she knew it, almost two hours had passed of them sitting in comfortable silence, occasionally speaking to share something with the other before going back to their tasks. It was comforting knowing she didn’t need to speak constantly and could just hang out with Dream.

Y/n's phone rested on the floor next to her, Dream on speakerphone on the other end, only the sounds of his keyboard clicking letting her know he hadn't fallen asleep or hung up. She wasn't sure when they started doing this, staying on the phone even when they had nothing to talk about, but they had done it a few times before. They had talked on the phone and Discord many times but it was usually always with purpose, not usually this silently-enjoying-each-others-presence nonsense. Who was she kidding calling it nonsense, she enjoyed it an embarrassingly insane amount.

She repositioned so she was laying on her stomach as she finished sketching an image that was in her mind.

"Hey, you still there?" Dream asked softly.

"Yeah. Sorry, am I taking away from your sitting in silence time with George?" she joked.

Dream chuckled lightly. "Nah, you're more fun. I was just seeing if you ditched me for Karl yet."

"Nah, you're more fun," she mimed truthfully. "But I'm very focused on this drawing."

"Can I see it when you're done?"

"Don't expect too much. It looks bad."

"If you don't tell me what it is, I can't know how accurate or inaccurate it is."

"Very true..." she trailed off, holding the canvas further away to examine it all at once. She wanted the sketch to be perfect before she made permanent choices with paint. She enjoyed the serenity they maintained even when talking, voices low and delicate like they were keeping secrets but not quite whispering. "Are you almost done editing your video from the other day?"

"Sorta. I'm at the part where you and Sapnap almost died laughing because a ghast knocked George into lava and then Sapnap laughed so hard he fell into lava."

She chuckled, remembering the situation vividly. "That was so funny. The way George screams is so funny."

"Let Naomi know that," he mumbled, causing Y/n to gasp.

"Dream!" she laughed loudly and he joined.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's true though."

"Disgusting!"

A distant voice sounded on the other end and she assumed it was Sapnap. "What do you want for dinner?"

Dream responded with a soft, "Nothing, I'm good."

"Are you talking to Bugsy?"

He must have responded physically because the next sound was Sapnap's very clear, much more lively voice speaking directly into the phone. "Hi, Bugsy!"

"Hi, Sapnap!"

"Can you tell Dream to eat some damn food? This man literally hasn't eaten a single thing all goddamn day."

"Dream," Y/n scolded slowly. "Please eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"I'm not showing you my painting until you eat."

A door closed on the other end and she took that as a sign that Sapnap had left.

"I don't wanna see it anyway. It's probably trash."

"Take that back!" she gasped lightly. She looked at the canvas as she grabbed the first paint color and laughed. It was only a sketch and it was already trash. "Fine, then I won't go on the trip if you don't eat in the next ten minutes."

"That's punishing yourself too though."

"Who says I want to see you?" she asked.

"I never said anything about not seeing me being the punishment."

She had been caught. "It was implied."

"Sure it was."

"It's true though. Who says I wanna see your stupid face?"

He didn't say anything, but an incoming FaceTime call lit up Y/n's phone. A FaceTime call from him.

Her smile dropped. "Clay?"

"Answer it," his voice was lower and her heart started beating faster. Was he really about to show her his face to prove a point? Reveal his biggest secret that only a few close friends knew? To her of all people? She made sure she couldn't be seen in the small window and pressed accept, the voice call ending and the FaceTime call starting.

To her surprise, what came into view wasn't his face, but the logo of the hoodie he was wearing, the simple smile of his merch taunting her. She laughed, the anxiety slowly fading away as it was replaced with a heavy feeling in her stomach. Was she disappointed? Maybe a little, but he teased her into believing she would see him.

"Oh, wow! Dream face reveal! He looks just like his icon, no way!!!"

His chest moved up and down as he laughed, not moving the camera away. "You heard it here first, guys! You've known my face all along, the logo is actually my face!"

She laughed and returned to painting, not paying any more attention to her phone since he was now also showing his ceiling, a small corner of his monitor in frame but nothing else. "I mean it though, if you don't eat, I'm going to be so mad I won't even want to be friends anymore. Or you'll die from malnourishment before we get the chance to meet."

"I doubt it. I'm just not hungry."

"Whatever."

"Oh, hey, so you met Quackity today. How was it?"

"Very scary."

"Yeah?" he asked sympathetically, urging her to explain if she wanted.

"Yeah. But it turned out okay! He didn't act any different so it was fine. It was mostly just awkward. He's also so freaking loud. You would not believe how much louder he and Karl get when they're together."

"I can imagine. Aren't they doing a stream right now or something?"

"Yeah, I think so. I don't wanna watch though, I've had enough of them for the month."

Dream laughed. "How will you deal with them together for New Years'? It'll be for like two weeks."

"Who knows if I'll actually go?"

"Wait, what?" he asked abruptly, not even bothering to hide the disappointment in his voice. His keyboard stopped clicking and she could picture him staring at his phone as if looking at her. "Of course you're going."

"Not if you don't eat food! You have, like, 3 minutes to eat something until I officially am busy doing other things whenever the trip is."

Dream groaned and clicked a few things on his computer before the image on the screen became blurry as he walked through the house, still pointing it at the ceiling. She looked away again and kept painting.

"Quackity's really funny though," she continued. "It was super awkward at first but it was fun to have someone else to help me make fun of Karl."

"Wait, Bug," Dream called out over the sound of wrappers crinkling.

"Hm?" She hummed, continuing to paint.

"Bug," his voice was much softer and he sounded nervous.

She looked at her screen and dropped the paintbrush as she focused on what she saw, grabbing her phone and holding it closer to her face so she could see, still making sure she wasn't in view. All the anxiety from the beginning of the FaceTime suddenly came back and hit her like a truck. Sitting on her screen, waiting to be seen, was Dream. His hood was up, tufts of blonde hair sticking out, and he was standing with his back towards a dark room, the dim light from his pantry making his face just visible.

He held up a cookie in front of his actual, real face. "Are you watching?"

"Y-yea... I... Yeah. I'm watching. Is that really you?"

He nodded once before shoving the cookie in his mouth. "There, I consumed food," he announced, his voice muffled by the cookie. "Now you're legally obligated to come."

"I—What? CLAY! WHAT?"

"What?" he asked innocently as he chewed, walking back to his room and still holding the phone up to show his face. His room light was on, making his face much more visible. If Y/n thought he was attractive in the harsh pantry light, he must have looked like a god in his room lighting, even as pixelated as he was due to the quality of FaceTime. He fell on his bed and Y/n could only gape at his features. He slumped against his headboard, surrounded by roughly a thousand pillows, sporting a small, shy smile as he stared at the screen. "Bug, what?"

She opened her mouth but no words came out. Needless to say, he was unbelievably handsome. Part of the speechlessness was from the shock that he showed his face out of the blue, but obviously, the majority of it was that he was pretty much the most attractive person she'd ever seen. It should be illegal for someone to look that good in a hoodie, especially when pixelated.

"Hmm," he hummed thoughtfully. "Wanna take back what you said earlier?" He bit into another cookie.

"W-what did I say earlier?" Why was she stuttering???

"You said you don't wanna see me and that I'm ugly," he teased.

She paused for too many seconds too long before finally muttering, "you arrogant son of a bitch." He laughed loudly at that.

His eyes crinkled and he threw his head back. So that's what he looks like when he wheezes, she thought to herself, pretty.

Dream shuffled his position on his bed and rested his head on one of his hands. He looked so comfy. "Why are you so quiet, weirdo?" he mumbled.

She set her phone back down and touched her cheeks with her hands and looked away for a moment, grounding herself to the real world for a second. She couldn't process her thoughts when she was staring at a man as gorgeous as Clay. "I don't know, maybe because you gave me no warning before showing me your face? Or because you failed to mention that you're incredibly hot?"

She was so glad she had looked back at her phone or else she would have missed the glorious sight of his cheeks turning bright red before he turned the camera back to his ceiling. "Oh my gosh."

"Aw cute, I made you blush."

"Shut up," he mumbled. "You threatened to not come if I didn't eat something!"

"You didn't have to—you showed me your freaking face just to prove you ate a cookie!! DREAM! I would have believed you if you just said you ate something!" she laughed breathlessly, staring at the phone now for a chance to see him again. "I was joking anyway!"

"Sure you were."

"I was."

"Well, oh well. You deserved to see me anyway."

"Oh, I deserve to see you?" She laughed. "How big is your ego?"

"You know what I meant," he groaned. "You got doxxed by Karl and you met Quackity in person. And you've clearly had a bad day because of all the hate and stuff. You've done a lot of stressful things recently and you deserved to be let in on a secret too."

He was so sweet. Like, tooth-rotting, Halloween candy stash hidden under a kid's bed, upset tummy sweet. She also couldn't get over the fact that he was a million times cuter when he was shy like he was being now, his voice soft and unsure. It contrasted vastly with the confident, loud-mouthed Dream everyone usually saw, though she liked that Dream too. She wished he could show his face for just one more second to see what he looked like shy. Probably sickeningly adorable.

This was it, wasn't it? The chance she had been waiting for to tell him her name? He just let her in on his biggest secret, now he was the one deserving to be let in.

"Y/n," she said with a confident, but soft voice.

There was a long pause. "W-what?"

"Y/n."

He understood the second time immediately. "Y/n..." he tested, the smile in his voice clear as day. "I like it."

"Yeah, well, I guess you deserved to know the secret too."

"I would have been content never knowing."

"Really?" She didn't believe him. He seemed like the type to never be satisfied, always looking for something better. Not in a greedy way, but in a motivational, goal-oriented big achiever way.

"Really," he hummed. "I already feel like you're too good to be true so I wouldn't be surprised if you weren't a real person."

It was silent as she tried to collect her thoughts.

"Bug? You okay?"

"Yeah, I... it's just a lot."

"Sorry."

"No, it's not you. Well... I don't know. I just don't know what I'm supposed to say when you say things like that," she admitted.

He paused. "I think you always have the perfect responses when I say things like that."

"What do I usually say?" She smiled shyly, pulling her hoodie up to her lips.

"You usually call me a nerd or say you can't stand me. 'Oh my gosh I cannot stand you'," he mimicked before laughing.

"What? How is that the perfect response to you saying you can't believe I'm real?"

He hummed and she could practically hear him shrugging. "Because it's a classic Bug response. It's a hundred perfect you. So yeah, it's perfect."

She was silent, trying to compose herself before she exploded.

"By the way, check Twitter."

"Why, are you bragging about me calling you hot?" she teased, hoping to make him blush like she had earlier. It worked.

"Oh my gosh, no. Just look."

She clicked her home button and navigated to the app, her feed instantly flooding with the same similar messages.

"Oh, my gosh," she muttered, her fingers flying away as she typed out her own tweet in response to the love.

Dream chuckled from the other end and when she asked him why, he vaguely said that George texted him but didn't explain further.

"Um, I have to go," she said mournfully. "Karl and Quackity are coming over again."

"Booooo," he pouted.

"Sorry, you aren't the only man in my life," she teased before instantly regretting her choice of words. Too flirty, Y/n, she thought to herself.

"Hm, shame. Am I at least at the top of the list?"

She bit her lips, wanting desperately to repeat what she had told him on their Minecraft date. In the end, she gave in. "I always mean what I say too," she started. "You're my main bitch, baby."

Dream made some sort of sound, a mix of a scoff and a whine but Y/n didn't comment on it, just glowing with heat in her cheeks.

"Leave before I don't let you," he said softly and the heat only grew.

"Goodnight, Dream," she pressed, the tone in her voice letting him know he was being a tease. "Thanks for... thanks for your tweet. And for everything you said earlier."

"Of course. Sorry that you have to see those kinds of things a lot."

"It's okay when I have people like you."

"People like me? What does that mean?"

"Just.... people like you." Cute, sweet, kind, genuine people who make her heart flutter.

She could hear his smile in his words and she figured he knew the unspoken words in her thoughts, the ones she was saying without saying. "Okay. Goodnight, Y/n."

"Goodnight."

**********

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[ficletsbynaria]

Hello! Hope you don't mind, I'd like to request something very specific and kinda personal... For maybe Tokoyami and Shinsou? Where their S/O plays an instrument but doesn't want /like to play infront of other people? And now there's recital and her mom makes her go as always but this time S/O didn't have enough time to practice (maybe bcs of hero work) and feels ashamed to play? 1🙏

“I have 20 minutes to get there and can’t stop crying 😖 I just like to imagine there is someone to hug me after… I’m so sorry, delete this if you want to ❤️ love u 2🙏”

worry not anon ! i’d cater to any requests no matter how specific it is 😊😊 as someone who writes self-indulgent fics i would know ,,, and who wouldn’t want hugs and kisses from tokoyami and shinsou ?? 💖💗💓

alright let’s get to it !

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱: 1,740 words

𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔠𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔰: Tokoyami Fumikage, Shinsou Hitoshi

𝔱𝔞𝔤𝔰: none

𝚃𝚘𝚔𝚘𝚢𝚊𝚖𝚒

You clutched the bow in your hand, stopping yourself from throwing it across your room. Hot tears threatened to fall from your eyes as you inhaled deeply. It took everything in you not to cry in front of her that day.

“You are going to that recital, or I will drag your stubborn self there.”

You kept your tone steady. “Mom, I didn’t practice enough. Can’t I just miss one performance?”

She let out a scoff at your suggestion. “What an irresponsible request. It’s your fault that you didn’t practice, and you will pay for the consequences.” Your eyes went wide. Your mother was willing to embarrass you in front of a crowd.

“I knew that U.A. school was bad for you. You should’ve pursued classical music like me.” 

“I don’t want to be like you. You wanted me to become a musician. You never asked me what I wanted.”

She stared you down with a dark expression, her gaze making you flinch. “Don’t talk back to me, child.”

The sounds of knocking made you snap back to reality. You realized quiet tears stained your cheeks and you did your best to wipe any traces off with your sleeve. Violin and bow in hand, you swung open the door, revealing a dark (but welcome) figure standing there.

“Fumi?” The boy’s hair ruffled at the sound of his nickname. Tokoyami rubbed the back of his neck, a gesture he made when he’s a bit shy. Something he only does around you.

“Um, dinner’s ready. The others told me to come over and tell you.” He glanced at the instrument, “Since you seem busy and all.”  

You were slowly forgetting your sadness from before. Tokoyami couldn’t have arrived at a better time. 

“Oh! Are you practicing the violin now, Y/N?” Dark Shadow crept from behind Tokoyami, pointing at your instrument. You lifted it up and stared at it with tired eyes. “Yeah, just a bit.”

“You were in your room all day. I don’t think that was for ��a bit’.” Tokoyami interjected. Your face felt hot at his comment calling you out.

Waving your hands defensively, you stammered out an excuse. “It’s not that! I was just perfecting some parts, that’s all.”

Tokoyami gave you a look and you sighed in defeat. Of course, your perceptive boyfriend would know if you were lying to him. 

“Is it your mother again?” He also read your mind so many times now, that it scared you.

“When is it not?” You joked. He, however, was not in a laughing mood. Looking you over, you felt small in his gaze, albeit almost being at the same height.

“Move aside.” You took some time to process his words but realized you were blocking the doorway to your dorm. You stepped aside, letting him in, and closing the door behind you.

This was a regular occurrence for both of you. Tokoyami sensing your sour mood and opting to stay with you in your room to help you feel better. 

Even though he initiated the dorm visits, when it comes to what you do in the dorm, you were the one making the first move.

Placing the violin and bow in its case, you quickly hopped over to your bed, where Tokoyami was already seated. Snuggling up to his side, you let out a quiet sigh. His hair tickled your cheeks and you smiled to yourself at the thought.

“My mom didn’t allow me to skip my recital. Even if she knew I would just mess up in the middle of it.” Tokoyami was quiet, letting you speak. “I mean, yeah it’s my fault I didn’t practice that much. But she should at least understand my reasons.” Your hands gripped the fabric of your pants. You anticipated another wave of tears coming, but your mind went elsewhere as you felt something warm wrap around your hand.

Tokoyami was facing away from your surprised face. It was unusual for him to initiate physical contact. You must be in a really bad mood for him to do that.

“You shouldn’t beat yourself up for something that you couldn’t control.” A man of a few, but wise words, Tokoyami continued. “Besides, you’ve practiced enough. So it’s unlikely that you’ll mess up.” He went silent again after that. You also couldn’t form any sentences after the initial shock of him holding your hand.

To make matters worse, he started rubbing circles at the back of your hand with his thumb. At this point, you were too flustered to think of a response. Finally, Tokoyami looked at your direction. His expression became serious. “If you’re nervous on that stage, think of me and how proud I’ll be of you when you perform.”

Your heart was hammering in your chest. Tokoyami was intense, but this was the first time he directed that intensity to you, in a good way. Regaining your composure, you glanced back at your violin case. 

If you’re nervous, think of me and how proud I’ll be.

You felt yourself grin at his words. Unable to contain your excitement, you gave Tokoyami a peck on the side of his beak. The contact startled him off your bed. His eyes darted around the room, avoiding yours. You couldn’t help but chuckle at his reaction.

“Thank you, Fumi.” You beamed up at him.

Tokoyami peeked at your face, then faced the other way, crossing his arms defiantly. 

“Don’t mention it.”

“Hey you’re blushing!” Dark Shadow popped out again and teased Tokoyami, causing the bird boy to curse it out.

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．

𝚂𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚘𝚞

You hid around the stage curtains. Your hands were becoming clammy at the worst time. You tried rubbing your hands together to gain some heat from the friction. Scared didn’t even begin to describe your state. You hated crowds, terrified of the eyes landing on you. Seeing your every move. 

Lucky for you, you had a piano recital coming up in 10 minutes. With a gymnasium packed to the rafters, and your whole family on the front row ready to watch. You considered begging your tutor to call off the performance, but you thought better of it. Besides, the wrath of your mother when you cancel the recital was a fate worse than death. 

One thing kept you from running away though. From hiding under your blankets, away from the world’s judgmental stares. 

You peeked outside from your corner, looking over at the audience. Your eyes lit up when you spotted a mop of purple hair somewhere in the third row. Maybe this recital wouldn’t be so bad, after all. 

As if feeling you ogling at him, Shinsou locked eyes with you. A smirk appeared on his face and he gave you a wink. The action made you blush and you whipped back into your safe corner. Of all times, he chose now to be a cheeky little shit.  

“Five minutes till showtime, Y/N.” Your tutor reminded you. Your nerves were on fire, and his little reminder did not help. Gathering your courage one last time, you checked again for Shinsou. Surprisingly, you couldn’t find him in his previous spot. That made you even more nervous. 

“Oh my god, I’m hallucinating.” You thought you saw your boyfriend in the crowd. Looking again for the third time, you confirmed that everything was in your imagination. 

Great. I’m going insane. 

You weren’t usually on edge. This time was different, since your practice was minimal, and you had no formal rehearsal beforehand. You wanted to quit piano when you got into U.A. but your mother told you that the general studies department didn’t have the same load as the hero course. She was right, in that matter, yet her reasons to force you into continuing piano lessons were a stretch. Arguing with her would lead to nothing productive, so you decided to humor her for now. 

Still, you were hoping to avoid recitals during your first year. With where you are now though, you deemed your hopes were ignored. 

“Sir, the backstage is for authorized personnel and performers only! Please go back to your seat.” 

Your attention went to the commotion behind you. You almost squealed out when you saw who was in the middle of it. 

“And what if I don’t want to?” 

The staff suddenly froze in their spot, eyes glossed over.  

“Go and tell your boss to give Y/N five more minutes.” The staff member slowly turned around and walked towards your unaware tutor. Meanwhile, the culprit was sauntering towards you. You hid your smile in your hand, clearing your throat.

“I told you not to brainwash innocent people.”

He chuckled. “He was taking away my alone time with you, how’s that guy innocent?”

Shinsou walked around you and hugged you from behind. You let out a tiny shriek as he nuzzled himself into your neck. 

“I missed you, you know? You kept practicing after class for the whole week.” Shinsou’s voice was muffled into your skin. You relished his warmth, using it to distract yourself from your nervousness. Back then, you didn’t consider him as the touchy-feely type. A few weeks into your relationship and you were proven wrong, however. Not that you minded.

“That whole week wasn’t enough prep. I’m going into this unprepared.” You sighed, pulling away from Shinsou’s embrace. He glanced at his watch, clicking his tongue when he realized he had a minute or so left.

He placed his hands on your face, compelling you to look at him. His dark purple eyes were boring into yours, and your focus momentarily went over to the ever-developing bags under his. 

“Listen to me when I say this.” Your eyebrow arched at his statement, thinking better of answering him if he decided to brainwash you now. He’d use his quirk on you as a joke sometimes, but when you noticed that any hint of playfulness was gone from his expression, you answered.

“Alright, I’ll listen.”

He smiled at that. “You worked hard to get to this point. Believe in your abilities, and you will  never feel like you aren’t enough.” He stated, removing his hands from your cheeks and placing them in his pockets. 

“Now go out there and knock ‘em dead.”

Shinsou gave you a quick kiss and ran off before more staff members came to scold him. Watching his retreating figure, you weren’t sure why you were so nervous in the first place.

After all, he believed in you.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

how to keep yourself together during uni semesters in australia:

im not gonna lie: over the past 3 years at uni, i have never kept myself together. so, im probably not the right type of person to give anyone advice on how to keep yourself “together” at uni lmao. but i felt like doing it, since im close to finishing so here you go, people:

class/subject and degree advice:

- if you’re not doing a double degree (which will probably give you four or five subjects to do each sem, and a full 4-5 days at uni each week, like some of my friends), stay home on your days off. take those days both to relax, and also fill yourself in to do some of your readings (although i’ll admit i only started the “doing my readings” thing this semester after two years of ignoring them, lol whoops.) this will help your stress levels a bit (hopefully) bc at least you know what the fuck you’re talking about in class and can actually say something during your tuts/lectures.

- if you’re doing a single degree or even a double degree (again i know some people who’ve done it with double degrees), and your full load of 4 or maybe 5 subjects is stressing you the fuck out, drop down to three units per a semester, if you want to actually keep a full load for certain things. yes, it will make your degree go slower in most cases, but not as slow as going part time. it will obvs make your load a tad lighter (if you’re a full-time student), and it’ll free up your days spent at uni. it will give you fewer deadlines to worry/stress about. 

on another note, go part time if you want to/have to. i met one person at a careers fair this year who’d been at uni for five years doing her commerce degree with just one subject a semester bc it gave her less stress and plenty of time to actually work at her job.

- go to your faculty’s/school’s help desk to find out whether your course progression is right. also book meetings with the head of your faculty whenever you can; according to the head of the students bookings are open or wherever possible in your timetable. doing this lets you know whether you’re progressing with your course in the right time-frame, or right time-frame for you. remember, these people are there to help you. this saved me hours of worrying throughout my degree. 

- TRANSFER DEGREES IF YOU HAVE TO: if you feel out of your depth, or completely disinterested in your degree, transfer from it. in some cases (mostly if you���re in the same faculty and the degree is a flexible/general one) you can easily get the first year subjects in transfer credit. this is what i did in first year, when i realised that i felt very out my depth, personality-wise and for other reasons, in the bachelor of communication and media studies in 2015. i knew, after one semester of it, that it was not what i wanted to study.

I realised that forcing myself through marketing and management subjects and studying blogging at uni just bc i had a tumblr- yes, that was my kind of ridiculous and super misguided reason for picking the course, believe it or not- would “kill” me, (like obvs not literally) but it would drain tf out of me if i continued w/ it. but  luckily, since it was in the same faculty, all i had to do was do an extra subject in spring sem in 2015 (bc degree changes required you to have 24 credit points in a semester to transfer at my uni for most courses), and that sem sucked, but i got a years worth of credit in my degree, so i finish one semester earlier.

- for classes in a single degree, try and find your ideal amount of days at uni. my ideal is three days. i almost had the opportunity to have a two day week at uni this sem, bc the timetable gods were almost good to me. but unfortunately, the timetable gods were assholes and managed to let a two hour tut for one class (editing) on tuesdays ran through my US literature lecture. but i also didn’t really want just 2 days at uni, bc i knew that i probably wouldn’t be fucking productive at all in the 3 remaining days i had off during the week.

- go part-time if you have to, no matter whether you’re on a single or a double degree. do your degree on your own terms.

- don’t listen to your parents spiel on your degree or what majors/minors to do. same goes for running your subject choices by your parents. 

- or if uni is really, really getting you down, you can defer for six months and go back later. (also, for mental health, see a councilor/psychologist either from your uni or outside of uni, i started doing this after a mental breakdown in second year). 

- on feedback from your professors/tutors: okay, so. i’ll admit here that i’ve become the asshole student that literally only gives a shit about the number grade, rather than the quality etc comments that the professor (usually) gives back to me after they’ve marked my assignment, bc i don’t really have the heart to read what they’ve written etc. but, like. actually read their feedback... or listen to it. 

if you have an odd professor that likes to give audio feedback (one of my philosophy profs did this, and no. i didn’t listen to it on either assignment, particularly bc it was my least fave subject that sem and bc i had a drama with the essay that lost me like 20% of my grade for that subject), listen back to it and see what they say on your (presumably, i have faith in y’all) well bullshitted essay. their feedback is valuable. also don’t be afraid to approach your tutors for feedback either.

- on asking for help/advice on your assignments or the subject in general from your profs/tutors: DO THIS. of course, it’ll just be general guidance in their consultation hours or via email, but, don’t be scared to ask them! it might boost your marks a bit or help you clarify your essay’s argument or something like that. i was too terrified for the better part of my degree, and then too stubborn to ask for help from my profs/tutors and i think that’s why my marks and my mental health got kinda shitty. idk how to ask for help. but then again, idk how many people actually do this in the courses i did. but y’all do it.

for the general side of this, they can help you by giving you extensions (if they’re not an asshole) or whatever to help you sort your shit out. this is something i never did. but do it when you need it.

- on the topic of marks, they don’t matter. but don’t try and settle in the “p’s get degrees” mindset... even though i say this whenever i get a final mark and it’s a pass. i aimed for a credit average tbh, marks wise. i’m dead average lmao. but then again, i’ve never been a straight-A student, born to graduate uni with like high class honours or the like.

general uni life and life advice:

- GET YOUR P’S OR BLACKS (i.e. GET YOUR DRIVER’S LICENCE Y’ALL), if your family circumstances permit it or if you’re motivated enough, before you get to uni. it’ll open up so many opportunities on campus (if you don’t live on the campus and you live far away from it). and also other ops outside of uni. (but then again you might not bother driving to uni everyday  bc like uni parking, depending how it is at your uni, will always be a fight for spots.

- although i said earlier to use your days off to do some study... also use them for self-care and like life admin meaning the following:

face masks

actually take a looooonnnnngggg fucking showers y’all. the shower is the one place you’ll actually fully relax while you’re at uni. also it’s a good place to mentally plan and map out your essays etc.

yes, netflix

BUY A KINDLE (if your budget permits ofc). although it was a big cost on the outset obvs (its like $200), it was the best investment for me. i saved a fuck ton of money for some subjects, bc the books were either free or like $20-$30 cheaper on my kindle and not anywhere between $20-$40 for some texts in the uni shop. like, textbooks for english lit/creative writing or even philosophy (sometimes) etc subjects, can amount in costing to $200 or more in total for buying separate texts, just like a single, average business/law/nursing/science textbook.

read books from outside of your prescribed texts, and get totally engrossed in them if you can. i did this in first year with the complete tomorrow, when the war began series and the ellie chronicles (it’s sequel trilogy) by john marsden. and yes, i completely ignored by readings for these books, bc i hated like 90% of my uni texts. but i’ll admit that it made uni a tad more bearable, though.

if you have free days, do not go into uni. use them to catch up on sleep. or do my next point.

apply for jobs. maybe you’ll be lucky to get one and learn how to balance study with work. also it can keep you sane, money wise. something i didn’t get to have during these last 3 and a 1/2 years. but you’ll also get to know how hiring works, in general.

make yourself a fucking study timetable. this will help you get an idea of when you’re set for study. and i know, i know. it’s so hypocritical of me to suggest this bc i never bothered to make one for myself anf instead went with “i’ll study when i feel like it”......... which, um, barely ever happened all throughout uni... until this sem. lol whoops. try and stick to your timetable.

if you can, delete you fucking tumblr. 

COFFEE! COFFEE! COFFEE! MAKE THIS BEVERAGE YOUR FRIEND.

if your uni has a bar, don’t avoid it. you might make friends there. i was alone at uni for a vast bulk of the time, so i avoided the bar and mostly stayed in the library.... which didn’t give me much time to make friends.

if you make good friends at uni, talk to them often, so that you can coordinate some of your classes/tuts with them and so you can exchange not w/ each other to save time come exams. it’ll also save your ass in some classes where the prof passes around the roll in the lecture and doesn’t really check the attendance

also try and pick subjects that have recorded lectures, those fuckers save your ass come essay writing time etc.

if you’re doing literature/creative writing etc subjects, read some of your prescribed texts in the uni break- in either the november-march break or the june/july break. yeah, it’ll drive you insane bc you’re reading for a class in the holidays, but, fuck. it’s saved my ass a couple of times with books that are anywhere between 200-400 pages long (e.g. wuthering heights, lady chatterly’s lover, the grapes of wrath, any of shakespeare’s plays etc etc) giving me either a lighter reading load bc I’d finished the book during break or I’d left a few pages near the end of the book, but had read the bulk saving me a fuck tonne of reading time during the heavy part of the sem.

AUDIOBOOKS BITCHES. i only started using audiobooks on youtube when doing shakespeare. but damn. they’re amazing if you don’t really want to be engaged in a physical book sometimes, and great for gauging the tone of whats being said/picturing the characters more clearly when doing literature/creative writing subs. i’ve heard several times that they’re particularly good for commuting to and from uni, if you live far away. but sometimes they can be a bit pricey.

buy secondhand textbooks y’all.

DO NOT BUY YOUR TEXTBOOKS IN ADVANCE, in some cases. i did this for a lot of my subjects, and some times one to two of the texts changed each year... or in one case, THE WHOLE FUCKING READING LIST CHANGED. LITERALLY, and i’d spent like $200 buying the books in advance. but also, i got to read some good books by accident. don’t waste your money. but if you can find them cheap (like old editions in other fields obvs, that students are selling, buy them if you hella need the book)

take lunch in to save money on expensive campus food. but on that same note, don’t forget to spoil yourself with some of the nice food on campus every once in while.

also for lit/creative writing subjects, go to your local op shop or thrift shop to find some of the older books and get them for like $2 or 90cents instead of the fucking $15-$30 that your uni will have you sell your soul for.

Feel free to add more!!! and defs for other fields! 

[livingasaghost]

tonight is a good night for thinking time with jenna so buckle up babes

first of all let me just say that i apologize to everyone for being a pretentious asshat bc that is my natural state of being. i have very high standards and when i know something or have an opinion, i will make sure you know you’re wrong. recently realized this is a flaw of mine and i would like to improve upon it in the future. 

second, uh remember when i used to watch game of thrones?? when it first was airing in like 2011? remember when i READ THE BOOKS?? it has now been 4 years since i read a dance with dragons and i’ve forgotten almost everything about that world and i feel so free from that drama and chaos. however, i keep seeing random gifs from the newer seasons and i *almost* want to dip my toe back in the water just so i can hate watch it. but i know that will lead to intense binging and serious addiction like it did in the past, and also imma be REAL mad the whole time either because A) it’s really enjoyable or B) they’re still doing the same shit they did in season 5 which made me want to scream. at this point though i can’t claim that i don’t wanna watch bc of spoilers bc like honestly we are not getting winds of winter and i no longer even care about any of it. anyway, that’s me reasoning that i shouldn’t pick up GOT again even though part of me wants to. end of rant.

BABY DRIVER WAS SUCH A COOL MOVIE AND I GET THE HYPE NOW. was it the best ever? no. however, i LOVE the musicality of it - especially that opening scene - and i think *most* of the cast is pretty cool. also it made me miss the days of ipods. 

i have now reached peak marvel fangirl - aka i am now the type of person who watches the same four movies again and again and again and again in the same month just because it’s all i want to watch. they’re just so comforting!!! and by they i mean my holy quintet - ragnarok, gotg 1+2, homecoming, & black panther. i don’t think i can get sick of those movies ever. 

this weekend i spent my time reorganizing and deleting a bunch of files on my laptop & hard drives & computer and i feel a lot better. it took some time since i have so many files (bad jenna) but i think i’m getting better at this whole getting rid of stuff thing! my life is slowly becoming more manageable and i’m really proud of that fact. i’m doing the things i said i was gonna do! (aside from getting my oil changed oops) 

in other news, music is really great and i want to buy so many albums right now wowee

ALSO THERE’S LIKE 2 MONTHS TIL I SEE TAYLOR FOR THE FIRST TIME THIS YEAR

i am currently <50 subs away from 15k and that’s SO COOL

even though i have a lot of jobs this week for work i’m honestly kind of relieved bc i’ve been sitting alone in my room for like three days straight and it’s really unhealthy for me oops

my birthday is in like a month basically! wow! 23! is coming! so fast! i wanna be 22 forever i think it’s been my most memorable age. also i’m scared ppl are gonna forget or be too busy for my birthday party/photoshoot so uh THATS FUN (legit if this one fails i am admitting defeat and never throwing anything for my birthday ever again i am so sick of people bailing on me when i just want to have a nice time with the people i love)

in other news i have felt so disconnected from my roommates and i know it’s all my fault bc i’m selfish and i want to be alone rather than with the people but i don’t know how to snap out of it and fix myself and go be with them all again

MY SKIN HATES ME AGAIN I SWEAR IT’S LIKE I’M IN SEVENTH GRADE ALL OVER AGAIN (okay not quite that bad but definitely worse than it’s been in a while). i just don’t get why it’s so baaaad.

so anyway ive been watching a lot of favorites videos from krist and basically i want to buy all these hella expensive products that i don’t need just bc she does such a good job selling me on them. i literally got perfumey body spray the other day bc i was like YEAH KRIST IS RIGHT I NEED A SIGNATURE SCENT like no you don’t jenna stop 

i watched a video a few nights ago about motivation and how you have like 5 seconds before you fall back into bad habits and honestly i am working really hard this year to make little changes in my life but i think that piece of advice was super helpful. I WILL OVERCOME MYSELF TO BE BETTER. I WILL STOP IGNORING HOW UNHEALTHY I AM. I AM WORTH THE WORK. 

as i was typing this i had a minor moment of WOW NOTHING IN THIS WORLD MATTERS where i realized i’ve done nothing with my life recently and i don’t hang out with anyone and i’m kinda lonely but ITS FINE EVERYTHINGS FINE at least i hailee texts me back sometimes -sigh-

- edit; upon thinking more about skin i have come to the realization that my shitty diet is honestly probably what is making my skin hate me! i never really believe people who use that excuse for bad skin but like honestly it’s probably true and ya girl has been eating like a 12 year old boy for um about four years now? so maybe i should fix that? i guess april is all about eating good food now? and drinking water that too

- edit2; i am now sitting here looking up skincare products recommended by youtubers and honestly i could spend like $100 right here right now on products i probably don’t need but sound FUN. who have i become. what am i hedwig.