#i currently have just enough for my bills this month and like $100 left over so I'm not hurting hurting

[cuntwrap--supreme]

Stopped at a gas station in a sketchy part of town after I got done working, and there's a wallet with like at least my rent in 100s just laying there. There are 2 tweakers tweaking a few feet away that somehow hadn't noticed. I brought it inside because I'm not a sack of shit no matter how poor I am, but if I were a spiritual person I'd 100% believe that to have been some kind of test from whatever deity or force of nature I believed in.

[terriwriting]

Hi. My name is Terry and I went into debt during the pandemic lockdowns. Some of it was because I had to break a lease to escape a building the landlords were turning into a slum (elevator was broken for nearly a year, roaches overran the place, next door neighbour was throwing coke parties all night). For a while things were okay, but then the rising cost of living and rising interest rates made that debt unsustainable. Now I'm lurching from one crisis to the next and I need to get out from under this debtload before it crushes me. Everything donated to this fundraiser will go directly to paying down that debt, because it is the single biggest problem in my life and makes every other problem worse.

I actually owe over $10,000, but I have one Guaranteed Investment Certificate left over from years ago when I was able to save money. That matures in August and I've already made arrangements with my bank to have it applied directly to my debt. The GIC is for just over $7,000, which leaves me with $3,000+ to pay off somehow.

Currently I make just enough to cover bare minimums (rent, utilities, groceries) and if I can get extra shifts I can keep up on interest payments. But if I can't get those extra shifts or if I miss a shift I fall further behind. And sometimes I get enough to pay the interest, but I get it too late in the month to pay by the due date and still end up being charged a late fee. For a while I was making headway on the debt, then the cost of living went up and I was just breaking even. Then both the cost of living and interest rates went up and now I'm barely hanging on by my fingernails.

I have tried to make up the difference by cutting back. I've reduced my phone and internet services to the lowest levels available, and I try to keep my power usage to a minimum. Water is included in my rent but the area I live in is in drought conditions and water bills are going up. Property taxes are also going up in the region. My rent will probably go up at the end of my lease, whether I stay in this place or try to find a new one. Every apartment in this city is too expensive now, and my landlords have actually been comparatively reasonable in raising rent.

The cost of living has gone up too fast for me to keep up with, and I can't make my interest payments or reduce this debt on my own. Every small setback becomes a crisis, and I've made two posts here to cover things like vet bills and end of month bills. If I can reduce my interest payments immediately and reduce my debt over the next few months, I can get out of this spiral. If I can't, I'm going to keep tripping from one crisis to the next until I fall completely.

It's not all bad news. I have a couple of ongoing writing projects that might actually earn some money. My cats are healthy (thanks to everyone who donated to my previous fundraiser). And I have an apartment that is close enough to shopping and work that I don't need a car. I'd be doing alright if not for this debt. So: Everything donated to this fundraiser will go directly to paying down that debt, because it is the single biggest problem in my life and makes every other problem worse.

Thank you for reading this.

$100/$3100. Thank you!

[sigilmain]

Okay gonna rant coz I already did all this math for something else and I'm mad anyway.

Minimum wage in my state is $10.10

Many places used to do the thing of saying part time and then having it be like .1 hours under what is considered full time but they can't do that any more due to new laws saying if your average weekly hours are above a set amount for a 4 week period they have to give you benefits so rather than do the math they just hire at 15-20 hours a week

Which means to get full time 40 hours a week you need to work two or three jobs and hope the schedules don't overlap and if the schedules do overlap hope the places don't go "show up or get fired"

Now for math! If you are lucky enough to get 40 hours a week at minimum wage you're making $404 a week, or let's say $808 every two weeks as is the usual pay period

Keeping in mind that's before taxes come out; after taxes according to a calculator found on my state's official .gov website that's $632 every two weeks, or about $1,264 a month

The average one bedroom/one bathroom apartment in my area runs $1,000 a month on average and that's without utilities

On top of that, unless you have someone to cosign for you since they still have this outdated image that your rent should be no more than 1/3 of your income if you're not making at least $3,000 a month they will usually deny you

So to afford a one bedroom/one bathroom apartment you either need to share with 2 other people or work 120 hours a week at 9 different jobs without scheduling errors; keeping in mind there's only 168 hours in a week, so that work load leaves you 48 hours per 7 days [about 6.8 hours a day] to sleep, eat, shower, transport yourself to work, clean, do laundry, go grocery shopping, etc.

And let's say you do manage to find 2 people that you're willing to share a single bedroom and bathroom with [assuming you're just working 40 hours a week] so the rent goes down to $334 per month [rounding]

Of the $1,264 you've made that just leaves $930 per month to pay for a car/gas or transport like Uber since my area has 0 public transport, utilities [since those aren't covered in the rent], internet and phone bills, an groceries.

My last roommate's car bill was $300 a month, gas to get to and from his job that was just a 15 minute drive was nearly $100 a month. And can't forget car insurance, which you need to be able to legally drive! The cheapest car insurance in my state is about $80 a month, so there goes $480 leaving $450 behind if you're lucky to have a job that's so close by and not a 30-45 minute commute like my mom had when I was growing up

Utilities averaged around $100 a month and the internet $80 for stuff that didn't shut down the second we were both trying to watch videos on our computers, so let's say that's $180 divided by 3 people coming out to $60 a month which leaves $390

The current cheapest price I can find for cell phones is $30 a month through Cricket. Yes other places offer cheaper, including Mint Mobile at $15 a month, but those places only come at that price if you pay multiple months [usually 3-12 months] in one big lump sum. So let's take the $30 a month, leaving now $360 a month left over

I shop for myself, and my grocery bill averages $70 a week right now because of inflation. That's with me buying store brands, buying stuff to cook myself if the component ingredients are cheaper, doing meal prep, buying stuff that's on sale, having access to my house mate's store card that gives discounts on store brands because he works there, coupons, and every other money saving method that's reasonable for me. So $280 a month for groceries, and let's bump that up to $300 to account for times you gotta buy things like laundry detergent, deodorant, shampoo/conditioner, and things like that. We're down to $60 a month

$60 a month that you get to set aside to have savings. No going out to dinner, no subs to streaming services or your favorite video game or whatever, no accounting for pets or renters insurance or random expenses or your roommates eating your food or health insurance [since your jobs will likely fight you on providing it] or doctor visits or needing maintenance on your car or anything else

Working 40 hours a week with at least two jobs, often three, will leave you $60 a month to spend on non-bills if you share a one bedroom/one bathroom apartment with 2 people and the rent and utilities are paid equally between everyone and you have no surprise expenses

And people wonder why my generation and those younger have just given up on everything. This is the kind of shit that's happening to us and we get blamed for being lazy or not wanting to work but the reality is we know it doesn't matter; even if we do work we won't make enough and when we say we're struggling we'll still be called lazy when it's not our fault our government benefits too much from corporate greed to do anything meaningful about it. And why I'm just....tired. So, so tired.

[dovesndecay]

I don't want to make this post. I don't, I don't, I don't. I never do.

I'm eternally exhausted with making begging posts every week, with my own situation and lack of options, of what feels like inviting a cocktail of pity and disdain from every which way, and having to be gratingly transparent about my finances and my personal health to complete strangers to essentially make a bid for "why I deserve to be helped" is...a lot to deal with when you're already disabled and chronically mentally ill.

But I have little room left for pride, and, well, *gestures at capitalism*.

If you follow me, you probably know my situation. But for those who don't, here's the cliff notes.

I'm disabled and unable to work and support myself beyond what I do for my patreon (which is never as on-schedule as I keep trying to make it) and when my roommate and I feel up to it, we do doordash a couple times a week to supplement. Those funds generally go towards meds and food when things get tight.

For the month of October, thanks to incredibly generous folks, I was able to just make the car insurance payment and parts of the smaller bills that had begun piling on top of each other.

But out of my regular $1200 worth of bills, I still have $935 left that I need to pay to just make it to being able to start trying to pay November's bills.

$400 of that $935 is just to make the car payment. Which is kinda important.

(For folks that saw we had to send the car in to the mechanic a week or two ago; Johnny's all fixed up, running good, and I can't thank y'all enough for the help!! I've been out of town, and I was so worried about him!!)

My car is how @natalieironside makes it to her dirt wizard job each night, which is what pays for the roof over our collectively queer disabled heads, so keeping Johnny in our possession, instead of the bank's, is, admittedly, pretty high priority. And it's already getting near a month overdue.

[img desc: Screenshot of my bank balance, which reads, "$86.00" on top and "available balance" below.]

My current bank balance is $86.00, and every single bit of help -- whether by donating or boosting -- genuinely means everything to me.

Ways You Can Help:

You can donate directly via any of the options below. And if you're able to, willing to, do this, it does not matter to me if it's $1 or $100, my gratitude to you is endless. Please never apologize to me for how little you might be able to do to help me. Every bit means the world to me.

PayPal: link

Venmo: borinquenaqueer

Cashapp: $borinquenaqueer

You can check out my patreon! I’m writing a queer vampire serial, sharing short stories, and behind-the-scenes content. There's a fair bit of stuff on there that might catch your eye. I'm working on adding upcoming cosplay stuff as well! (Current top project is Guillermo De La Cruz from What We Do In The Shadows!)

You can purchase a print through my shop! Accomplices from my patreon get a 15% discount code!

Disclaimer: For transparency's sake, I'll tell you now that print purchases do not pay out until something like 2 months after the initial purchase. (But I like it when people like my photography, so y'know.)

Send me something from my wishlists! All of the funds I'm sent, whether it's donations or pledges, go towards bills + food. So, I keep necessities and wants that I simply can’t afford to get on my Amazon wishlists.

[General | Cosplay | Pets | Clothes]

Lastly, You Can Reblog This Post.

And if that's all you can do, I want you to know that doing this means just as much to me as if you were able to do every single one of these other things all at once. Without your boost, my post dies within a few hours and I get nowhere.

Thank you. 💛

[bowandcurtsey]

Congratulations for 1k followers! I'm so happy for you, and you deserve all of our love♡ I hope many more people discover your account and fall for your stories like we do.

Can I request for a part 2 of Langris falling for Commoner Reader? And I was actually the one who requested that, and I really loved it so much♡

Thank you so much for all your hard work, I love you so much and I wish more blessings comes your way! Thank you so much for making my day brighter whenever I read your stories, I love you and have a great day!♡♡♡

Part 1

Hello bby, thank you for coming back to request again! Thank you for loving my work! ♡

Langris Vaude x F! reader

It only took 5 days for Langris to come back to you with good news. 5 days. You've heard of so many cases where commoners make a report and they wait for months for news. But yours? Less than a week.

It only took 1 day for Langris to get the guy to confess to his crimes AND write the detailed report to submit. The vice captain personally interrogated the man, aka Carlos, one to one. When he left the room, man was shaking and nobody knew what Langris had said or done.

The next day he went to the magic parliament and got this case to be escalated with evidences that this man was a repeated offender. The team helped him with this one; he made them run a back ground check on the 2 men in 6 hours.

Within 3 days the magic parliament came to Langris' office early in the morning, telling him that the court for this case would be scheduled in two days.

And here he was, standing outside your shop with you, breaking the good news. He watched as your face brightened up from the tiring day and your lips curled into this sweet and beautiful smile.

"oh my god," you exclaimed excitedly upon hearing the good news, "thank you so much, my mom and I appreciate this so much, Vice Captain Langris!"

His heart uncontrollably raced in his chest and he felt giddy from happiness like a kid getting his favourite candy. But of course, the cool and suave Langris had to play it cool, "it's a small case. How are your injuries?"

"Er.. I'm feeling much better now!" you beamed at him.

"Don't over work yourself, you're on light duty as told by the doctor, " he narrowed his eyes at you, "see you at court in 2 days."

"I'll try to, we're a little short on manpower during this busy season, plus now that we have to close 2 days later to attend court, we have to work doubly hard to cover for the rent.." you suddenly thought about the losses you'll make for that day, on top of the losses from the other day.

"tch." he sighed out loud, shaking his head as he walked into your shop.

"Hello Vice Captain Langris," your mom greeted him warmly, "thank you for the other day."

He shrugged and nodded politely to your mom and took out a bag of yuls, "how many more bowls are available until you're out?"

"oh! We still have a good 100 bowls to sell son, order as much as you want for your team, it's on the house!" your mom offered, thinking he wanted to grab dinner for his team.

"Give me 100 bowls to go then." he placed the bag of coins on the counter, "then go and rest for the day. Just put everything in a huge pot, I'll bring it and ask someone return it tomorrow."

Your mom and you blinked at him.

"What?" he snapped at the both of you, "if you don't have such a huge pot then just give half of it to me, no worries. Then pack up for the day after the current customers are done eating."

"N-no.. we do have a big pot.." Your mom was flabbergasted, "It's just no one made such a big order before..."

"Also, I'll book down your little restaurant tomorrow.." he paused awhile, thinking of an excuse, "It's Alec's birthday so I'll let them celebrate. Give me the bill to book down the restaurant for an entire day."

"Erm.. No one has done this before either.." your mom looked at Langris dumbfounded.

"Alright, just charge me as per the sales you make for a busy day then." Langris shrugged. "Is 3000 yuls enough?"

You tugged at Langris' sleeves from the side, "can we talk for a minute..?"

---

"What is it?" Langris questioned the moment you both were out of your mom's hearing.

"You don't have to do this for us..." you quickly said, "we owe you too much."

"Then just heed the doctor's advice and not over work yourself."

"But I can't be selfish and rest while my mother slogs herself out!" you suddenly cried out, "it's just what us commoners do, slog out our lives because we're not rich and cannot afford to rest unless we're dying and bedridden."

Langris raised a brow at your sudden outburst.

"We can never repay you for all your help.." you lowered your head.

"Who said anything about repaying?" he scoffed.

You glanced up at him, your gaze meeting his, who was staring intently at you.

"I'm a magic knight, a vice captain at that, isn't it my duty to serve my citizens? And can't I just buy 100 bowls of noodles to treat everyone in the Golden HQ for their hard work for the past week?" He continued with his white lie so you wouldn't feel bad.

"Also, is it wrong to book down a restaurant?" Langris looked into your e/c eyes, "since you said you owed us a favour so I thought booking your restaurant would be best, isn't it?"

You pursed your lips. This man said nothing wrong. Maybe you really thought too much into it. Maybe a small part of you had a little wishful thought; that maybe the Vice Captain of the Golden Dawn was interested in you.

"Cat got your tongue?" the sharp tongued Langris was back, "now can I get my noodles?"

---

Langris put down a huge pot on the desk with a loud thud. Everyone looked at him with the commotion he made.

"Noodles. Give it out to everyone, including Captain Vangeance. It's for the hard work in the past week." Langris simply said as he disappeared into his office again.

Every one stared at each other and the huge pot sitting on the desk in the middle of the office. Since when was Captain Langris so nice? They thought to themselves as they helped themselves to some noodles.

"Alecdora!" Langris called for the member into his office.

"Yes sir?" Alecdora came in holding a bowl of piping hot noodles.

"Bring some members to y/n restaurant tomorrow early evening. I booked the place. Don't create a mess and clean up after yourselves. Bring a cake and say it's your birthday. The food is on me. Leave the place by 830pm sharp."

"H-huh?" Alecdora was still trying to process what his Vice Captain just told him.

"Just do as I say, get out." he waved the man away as continued his paper work.

---

2 days later, you were well rested and recharged thanks to Alecdora and his team coming in so late in the day and leaving so early.

You and your mom saw Langris waiting for you at the entrance of the magic parliament.

"We have a prosecutor that will help you, while that idiot probably has his own defence lawyer. He'll lose 100%, so you just have to answer truthfully at whatever questions they ask you later on." he explained.

You were the victim and your mom was a witness. So Alecdora helped to bring your mom in to register while Langris brought you to meet your prosecutor.

"Don't be nervous, brat." he tried to console you, "you have 'worry' written all over your forehead."

"Stop teasing me!" you exclaimed, cheeks burning from embarrassment.

He stopped suddenly, standing very close to you all of a sudden. "As long as I'm here, you won't lose. Don't worry. I always keep my promises."

You heart was almost about to stop as you felt thousands of butterflies in your stomach.

"Th-thank you, Vice Captain Langris.." you spoke softly and shyly now. It was Langris' turn to have heat spreading across his face.

"What can I get you after this case is over?" you really wanted to do something for him for all his work, "I'll try to do anything you ask or get anything you want if it's within my means!"

"well then, since you insist..." a smirk crept up Langris' lips, "I want a date then. A day off. I'll bring you out."

He watched as you flustered, thinking about how cute you were.

"if you win the case later on, you'll be compensated handsomely, I believe.." he pretended to stroke his chin, although he had already studied and put in a proposal for the amount to be compensated to you, "you'll then have a good amount of money to hire someone, so you'll be free to go on a date with me, won't you?"

"..."

"Well, you don't have to if you don't want to," he tried hide his hurt feelings and turned away, continuing the walk to the prosecutors' office.

"Y-yes I'd really love to Vice Captain Langris!" you quickly said before catching up with him, "if you don't mind being seen on a date with a commoner.."

"Tsk." he rolled his eyes, "have you not heard me clear enough? As long as you're with me, I won't let anyone bully you."

-end-

[blooming-inthedark]

I’M HAPPY FOR YOU

but. i can’t be 100% present enough to share your joy because i’m... emulous. and please understand, this makes me feel very shitty. i wish this wasn’t my truth.

currently, three of my female friends are very pregnant. all 3 of them are married. all 3 of them are due within the next month.  all 3 of them are having boys, ironically. and all 3 of them are of course very excited about entering motherhood with their bundle of joy, thus, sharing parts of the very happy but sometimes painful and emotional journey with me.  and of course, i am happy to sit by and listen to the emotional vents, the funny food cravings and cry spells, the random information about do’s and don’ts of pregnancy, and buying all the gifts [that i can afford] for the baby showers! what an exciting time in my friends’ lives, and i get a front row - well, maybe a 7th row seat if i’m being realistic (because hey, niggas be busy with work and life) - to all of the action. 

there’s so much excitement that earlier this week, another one of my female friends revealed to me that she just discovered she is 2 months pregnant. surprise! omg! congratulations! yayy!

but i’m not gonna lie. somehow, hearing this additional exciting news sort of punched me in the gut a little bit. because that little asshole critical voice came through loud and clear.

this is your 4th friend to be with child. the other three are married and she’s engaged. oh, and two of your other friends just closed on a new house this month, with their spouse/partner. two of your friends are high earners. one of your friends from high school wrote a movie and just sold it to a popular TV network. your actor friends? they either gave it up in confidence because they found another passion, or they’re getting booked. so... what is it that you’re doing again?

i know you’re not supposed to compare yourself to other people. and it’s not even that i desire to have a baby, get married, or get a house right now like my friends. those are things that i want in my future, but none of them are really my ‘right now’ goals. the problem is that everyone around me has something in their lives that they can draw joy from, and i no longer have that. 

now, i’m not romanticizing their lives and assuming that because they have babies, high paying jobs and marriages means that everything is perfect for them. i know that this isn’t true for anyone. everyone has to deal with some level of sorrow, disappointment, pain, or general bullshit. but that sorrow, disappointment, pain and general bullshit is maybe underlining or sprinkled into their circumstances. it doesn’t HEADLINE their existence. 

my frustration since i’ve moved to GA has been losing the balance of things i wanna do vs. things i don’t wanna do... things i like vs. things i really dislike... having a community vs. being by myself...

it seems like everything in my daily routine leaves me drained and passionless. my job is remote, so i spend every day waking up, just to go and sit in the living room. all day. my hours are late, so i miss out on the mingling/networking/playtime events for other actors. by the time i’m off work i’m too tired and annoyed to do anything else other than eat and watch something on tv. my best bet for staying active with creative endeavors is paying for classes but my rent has gone up and my pay has remained the same so i can mostly afford a manicure and a scented candle with what i have left over after bills. i’ve tried to find new jobs, specifically something that doesn’t leave me sitting all day and involves more people interaction. but so far i’ve only gotten rejection emails. the only people who have reached out were scams or didn’t pay enough for me to live off of. 

i’ve also been dealing with a phorid fly issue in my apartment during the warm months that the leasing office has done nothing to combat.  they are not like fruit flies and drain flies, hanging out in one area. they are attracted to light and alcohol and other random shit. they dart in and out of my face all day at work and i’ve been miserable. (luckily because the weather is getting cold they are finally slowly going away) i know i won’t be renewing, but because of the rent prices here and my lack of decent pay, i haven’t been able to find another apartment in budget that isn’t in a crime ridden area or infested with bugs. 

i’ve started and stopped trying to form a physical fitness routine. i try to leave the house on weekends just to say i didn’t spend my entire week in my apartment. i facetime one of my friends every day just to have some people interaction. the few friends i have here i’m able to hang with seldomly, but again we’re all adults with lives and it isn’t very often.

maybe i have a warped sense of what life should look like as a single person who has moved away from their entire family and primary community base. maybe i am stubborn and not willing to sacrifice enough to change my circumstances. perhaps i’m right around the corner from that random, unexpected life changing moment that will turn things around. 

all i know is, at this stage in my life, it has been tough to be happy for others without being reminded that there isn’t much happiness in my own life, and how scary it feels to know it has been this way for a while. naturally you figure ‘i’m the common denominator’ so its gotta be something i’m doing wrong. but this only brings more self loathing. 

i really don’t want every post on this blog to be me complaining and being emotional about things that have hurt or disappointed me in my life. but damn. this is how its going and writing it down helps. 

hoping nobody reads this and judges me. knowing that your opinion means nothing. respectfully. :)

#sigh

envy - 7 me - 0

[imagineyourworld]

CONGRATS ON 100!! WOLFFE AND H PLEASE? f!reader or gn! is cool

Thank you <3

Uhhh, that sounds perfect for Wolffe!

I hope you'll like it!

Love, Charlie

-------

Wolffe x Genderneutral!Reader

Warnings:

h. "I never believed in soulmates until I met you."

-------

When you entered your flat late at night after returning from the cinema with friends your plan had been to put on your comfiest pyjamas and read until you fell asleep, maybe have a cup of tea. Your initial plans did not include Commander Wolffe laying on the floor next to your couch in only his blacks, pressing an old towel to his shoulder and bleeding half to death. "What the hell happened?", you asked, trying your best not to yell and wake the neighbours. Wolffe lifted his head, though only a bit, even the small movement seemed to cost too much energy. "It's not that bad, I didn't even have to go to the med bay", he slurred. For a moment you were stunned. Then you sprinted over to your refresher to grab the med kit you kept there exactly these kinds of situations. "You didn't need to or didn't want to?", you asked from where you were rummaging through your drawers. You couldn't quite understand Wolffe's muffled response, but were fairly certain it wasn't all that truthful anyways. "You know, one of these days I won't be able to patch you back up and then your ego will bite you in the arse." Slowly you got down on your knees next to Wollfe and began to peel the towel off of his shoulder. The blood had begun to dry, making it stick to his skin, but you took that as a good sign. Drying blood meant there was no more coming out. You didn't speak as you wetted the towel with water from the bottle on your couch table and began to clean the wound and then disinfect it. A quick glance at Wolffe's face told you that he was trying his best not to let it show that it burned, even though you knew it probably hurt like hell. "Sooner or later I'll have to send your General a bill for all the medical supplies I've had to use on you over time", you told him, half joking and half serious. You had a steady job, but it didn't pay all that much and bandages and bacta were expensive, even more now that there was a war going on. "I can make it up to you in other ways", Wolffe said with a raised eyebrow and a knowing smirk. Usually you would take him up on that offer in a heartbeat, but in his current state you considered yourself lucky if you even got him into the bedroom in one piece. "Another day, my love", you told him, but brushed your lips against his to soften the blow. You knew for a fact that Wolffe often needed to feel you, in more ways than one, after returning from brutal missions, and any other day you would have been happy to help him out. The sound he made when you leaned back again to focus on his shoulder was close to a whine, that alone told you that he really was in no condition to do anything other than sleep tonight, even cuddling would be difficult with his injury. After a few more minutes you had managed to stitch the roughest parts of his shoulder together, apply an even layer of bacta and put a bandage on the area. "You'll have to see a medic tomorrow, no first aid class prepared me for this kind of wound." Instead of arguing with you Wolffe simply nodded. He knew you were right, but all he wanted after returning was the comfort of you. Your familiar home, your soft bed, your lips against his and your skin on his, falling asleep and waking up next to you instead of a cold and sterile cot. "Now how about we go to bed?" Carefully Wolffe sat up straight. For the first time that night he actually looked at you. You seemed tired, but happy to have him with you again. "I was about to suggest the same thing, cyare." Despite his gruff protests you put his healthy arm around your shoulder and helped him stand up, which wasn't as easy as it sounds, because Wolffe was way too strong, heavy and especially stubborn to actually let you help him. It took a lot of convincing, sweet words and dirty promises to finally get him into bed. "I'll just brush my teeth and then I'll be with you", you whispered in his ear before leaving the room to head to the refresher. You returned only a few short minutes later, but by then Wolffe's breathing had evened out and his eyes were firmly shut. You brushed a stray strand

of hair, usually well kept but now beginning to curl at the ends and longer than usual, out of his face and pressed gentle kisses to both of his cheeks. "Sleep well, my love." You were surprised to hear him reply, thinking he was asleep already, which, due to the bloodloss, would have been best. "Thank you, for everything. I know I don't say it often enough." A sweet smile founds its way to your lips as you snuggled under your blanket and rested your head against Wolffe's uninjured shoulder. "You don't need to thank me. I'd do it all over again for you, I'd do everything for you. I love you, you know that." You didn't see his expression, but you could feel his body next to yours relaxing just a bit. The last bit of tension gone after hearing those familiar words. "I love you too. You're the best thing that ever happened to me." You turned your head a bit to press a kiss to his shoulder and nuzzle your head into his neck. The familiar scent surrounded you, telling you that this was real, that Wolffe was here and mostly alright and that he loved you. "You know, I never believed in soulmates until I met you. But then you came into my life and you were so gentle and kind, but also snarky and sarcastic and I felt whole for the first time, like the part I didn't know was missing was finally found." His words left you stunned. It was rare that Wolffe talked about his feelings, hell it had taken him months to finally confess in the first place, but that only made you savor these small moments even more. "You're my soulmate too", you whispered against his skin.

-------

That may have been a little ooc for Wolffe, but every now and then he just needs someone to take care of him, someone he can be soft with.

[nim-lock]

Art Career Tips, 2021 Edition

Here’s an edited version of my 2019 answered ask, because... this feels relevant. 

It is a problem of capitalism that folks equate their income as a judgement of their value as people; and let me preface. You are worth so much. You have inherent value in this world. Your income is not a judgement on who you are (plenty of billionaires are actively making the world worse). LARPing self-confidence will go a long way to helping you get paid more for your work, because clients will believe that you know what you are doing, and are a professional. 

& real quick—my own background is that I’ve been living off my art since 2018. I went to art school (Pratt Institute). I work in a publishing/educational materials sphere, and a quarter of my income is my shop. Not all of this information may apply to you, so it is up to you to look through everything with a critical eye, and spot pick what is relevant. 

So there are multiple ways of getting income as an artist; 

Working freelance or full-time on projects

Selling your stuff on a shop

Licensing (charging other companies to use your designs)

This post primarily covers the freelance part; if you’re interested in the other bits there is absolutely info out there on the internet. 

IF you are just starting (skip to next section if not applicable) dream big, draw often (practice helps you get better/more efficient), do your best to take "a bad piece” lightly. You’re gonna RNG this shit. At some point your rate of “good” works will get higher. Watch tutorial videos & read books. A base understanding of “the rules”; anatomy, perspective, composition, color helps you know what the rules are to break them. This adds sophistication to your work. One way you can learn this stuff is by doing “studies”—you’re picking apart things from life, or things other people have done, to see what works, and how it works. 

Trying to turn your interests into a viable career means that you are now a SMALL BUSINESS; it really helps to learn some basic marketing, graphic design, figure out how to write polite customer service emails; etc. You can learn some of this by looking it up, or taking skillshare (not sponsored) classes by qualified folks. Eventually some people may get agents to take care of this for them—however, I do recommend y’all get a basic understanding of what it takes to do it on your own, just so you can know if your agent is doing a good job. 

Making sure your portfolio fits the work you want to get

Here is a beginner portfolio post. 

Research the field you’d like to get into. The amount people work, the time commitment, the process of making the thing, the companies & people who work for them. 

Create work that could fit in to the industry you’re breaking into. For example, if you want to do book cover illustration, you draw a bunch of mockup book covers, that can either be stuff you make up, or redesigns of existing books. If you’re not 100% sure what sort of work is needed for the industry, loop back into the portfolios of artists in a similar line of work as whatever you’re interested in, and analyze the things they have in common. If something looks to be a common project (like a sequence of action images for storyboard artists), then it’s probably something useful for the job. 

CLIENTS HIRE BASED ON HOW WELL THEY THINK YOUR WORK FITS WHAT THEY WANT. If they’re hiring for picture books, they’re gonna want to see picture book art in your portfolio, otherwise they may not want to risk hiring you. Doesn’t have to be 100% the project, but stuff similar enough. If you aren’t hired, it doesn’t mean your work is bad, it just wasn’t the right fit for that specific client. 

If you have many interests, make a different section of your portfolio for each!

Making sure you’re relevant 

Have a social media that’s a little more public-facing, and follow people in the career field you’re interested in. Fellow artists, art directors, editors, social media managers; whoever. Post on your own schedule. 

Interact with their posts every so often, in a non-creepy way. 

If you’ve made any contacts, great! Email these artists, art directors, editors, former professors, etc occasional updates on your work to stay in touch AND make sure that they think about you every so often.

Show up to general art events every once in a while! If you keep showing up to ones in your area (when... not dying from a sneeze is a thing), folks will eventually start to remember you. 

Industry events & conferences can be pricey, so attend/save up for what makes sense for you. Industry meetups are important for networking in person! In addition to meeting people with hiring power, you also connect with your peers in the community. Always bring a portfolio & hand out business cards like candy. 

Active job hunting

Apply to job postings online.

If interested in working with specific people at specific companies, you could send an email “I’d love to work with you, here’s my portfolio/relevant experience”, even if they aren’t actively looking for new hires. Be concise, and include a link to your work AND attached images so the person reading the email can get a quick preview before clicking for more. 

Twitter job postings can be pretty underpaid! Get a copy of the Graphic Artists’ Guild Handbook Pricing & Ethical Guidelines to know your rate. I once had a twitter post job listing email me back saying that other illustrators were charging less, and I quote, “primarily because they’re less experienced and looking for their first commission”. This was not okay! For reference, this was a 64-illustration book. The industry rate of a children’s book (~36 pages) is $10k+, and this company’s budget was apparently $1k. For all of it. 

Congrats you got a job! Now what?

Ask for like, 10% more than they initially offer and see if they say yes. If they do, great! If not, and the price is still OK, great! Often company budgets are slightly higher than they first tell you, and if you get this extra secret money, all the better for you. 

Make sure you sign a contract and the terms aren’t terrible (re: GO GET THE  Graphic Artists’ Guild Handbook Pricing & Ethical Guidelines) 

Be pleasant and easy to work with (Think ‘do no harm but take no shit’)

Communicate with them as much as needed! If something’s going to be late, tell them as soon as you know so they aren’t left wondering or worse, reaching out to ask what’s up. 

And if all goes well, they’ll contact you about more jobs down the line, or refer you to other folks who may need an artist, etc. 

Quick note about online shops/licensing and why they’re so good

It’s work that you do once, that you continuously make money off of. Different products do well in different situations (conventions vs. online, and then further, based on how you market/the specific groups you are marketing to), so products that may not do well initially may get a surge later on. 

Start with things that have low minimum order quantity and are relatively cheap to produce, like prints and stickers. 

If you are not breaking even, go back to some of the earlier portions of this and think about how you could tweak things as a small business. Ease of access is also very important with this; for example, if you only take orders through direct messages, that immediately shuts off all customers who don’t like talking to strangers. 

Quick resource that you could look through; it’s the spreadsheet of project organizing that I made a while back 

Licensing is when people pay you for the right to use your work on stuff they need to make, like textbooks or greeting cards. This is generally work you’ve already made that they are paying the right to use for a specified time or limited run of products. This is great because you’ve already done the work. I am not the expert on this. Go find someone else’s info.

“I am not physically capable of working much”/ “I need to pay the bills”

Guess who got a hand injury Sept 2020 that messed me up that entire month! I had a couple jobs going at the time that I was terrified of losing, but they were quite understanding when I told them I needed to heal. So:  Express your needs as early as you know you need them. Also do lots of stretches and rest your hands whenever you feel anything off; this will save your health later. Like, the potential of a couple months of no income was preferable over losing use of my hands for the rest of my life.

This continues to apply if you have any other life situation. Ask for extra time. Ask for clarification. If you tell people ahead of time, folks are often quite understanding. Know how much you are capable of working and do your best not to overdo it. (I am.. bad at this)

Do what MAKES SENSE for your situation. If doing art currently earns you less money than organizing spreadsheets, then do that for now, and whenever you have the energy, break down some of the tips above into actionable tiny chunks, and slowly work at em. 

The original ask I got in 2019 mentioned ‘knowing you’re not good enough yet’. Most artists experience imposter syndrome & self-doubt—the important thing is to do your best, and if anything, attempt to channel the confidence of a mediocre white man. If he can apply to this job/charge hella money for Not Much, then so can you! 

Check out this Art Director tumblr for more advice!

Danichuatico’s Literary Agent guide

Kikidoodle’s Shop Shipping Tutorial

Best of luck!

–

Once again disclaimer this post is just the ramblings of a man procrastinating on other things that need to be done. I’ve Long Posted my own post so that it turns into mush in my brain if I try to read it, but I wrote this so I should know this content. If you got down here, congrats. Here’s a shrimp drawing.

Yee Ha. 

My reference post tag My tip jar

[cosmiclatte28]

Coffee (Jaemin x you)

warning : fluff! flirty Jaemin! 

okay sorry for once again reusing a fic, this was from my Sehun collection which I actually find cute, but I guess Jaemin can fit in here nicely too! 

enjoy! 

“One ice Americano,” the angelic guy with ominous aura places his order, for a second the café suddenly feels frozen. He looks and sounds cold, but once he steps into the counter in front of you, you feel the blazing sun of summer, the cute shy smile, and a gentle stare.

“One Americano, no water? 6 shots of additional espresso” you question him even when you remember his order nicely in the back of your mind.

The man across you smiles, “You remember?”

You smirk, deep inside your heart you wonder how one could forget if that’s the only thing he orders in every single visit and no one else drink a coffee like him.

You take his card, swipe the bill, and rush to brew his cold coffee.

Ever since the cold and hot man enters that door last week, you quickly fell for his demeanour aura. You learn his name when he ordered his first cup of coffee in a bubble tea shop. Though you find it weird why he bought coffee when you guys are known for bubble teas, you did not reject his orders; you even wished with all your heart he will be a regular here.

“One ice Americano coffee to go, for Jaemin oppa,” you scream out his name, and when he walks to take the bag, your hand swiftly drops in a piece of cookie inside the paper bag. He saw you and almost say you misplaced an order, but your whisper silence him.

“It’s a complementary,” You panicked, “Special for the customer who has the queuing number 100.”

You see him smile and you hear your co-worker stifling a laugh.

“Thank you,” Jaemin smiles and nods his head as he takes his order, “Thank you, see you!”

He leaves the counter with his expressionless face and your shift continues. You take more orders from other customers.

One of your co-workers nudges you when the rush hour is over, and the café is a bit empty. “What was that, did you put in your number on the cookie earlier?” the man with a beautiful eye smile teases you.

You blush when your mind teases you back with the phrase Jaemin said before he left.

“Stop it Jeno, I did not drop my number in it. Seriously, I just wanted to treat him a cookie, what’s wrong with it?” You shrug your shoulder and choose to leave to take a short break. Well, secretly you scream out of joy when you reach the storage room. Jaemin, the man who creates butterflies in your stomach is slowly recognizing you.

The next day, your shift starts and as time ticks by, your heart beats faster as you expect the presence of Jaemin. He shows up in his regular time, with his regular expressionless handsome face just that today he looks a bit tired and annoyed. You pull up your textbook-smile and try your best to control your heating face.

“Welcome, is it another usual menu, or are you interested in trying todays special menu?” You flash a concern look to him. He catches your attention and runs his eyes through the menu. He sighs and inserts his hands into his pockets.

“Do you have any recommendation for a bad day?”

You nod in a second, “Are you okay with Chocolates?” he nods, you type in a menu and he seems to agree with what you call ‘House favorite chocolate bomb bubble tea’

Jaemin hands you his card and surprises you when he asks for a table number. He brings his number and sits on the corner, the secluded chair near the windows.

You are quite surprise; he never dines inside. With a question mark in your mind, you prepare his drink and once again sneak in another slice of red velvet cake. Jeno catches you again and smiles widely while wriggling his brow, “Go, and take that order to his table. Let me take over the cashier and orders.”

You thank him and after tidying your appearance, you deliver the drink and cake to the man sitting alone and lost in his thoughts.

“Here’s your drink, and I bring you a cake to cheer you up.” You move the drink and cake from your tray to his table.

Jaemin’s cold façade melts away when he sees the red cake and your sweet attention, “Wow! Am I the 100th customer again today?” He laughs at his own words. You feel like melting into a puddle right then and there.

He takes his time enjoying the cake and reviving his mood with your special brew, you are once again busy behind the counter and running over making different orders of drinks. You can still see Jaemin from several quick glances, and that is enough to make you energized until your shift end.

After 10 minutes, the tall man in suit fleets from his chair and queue into the line in front of me. You are perplexed when he shows up again with his shy smile, “I’m here to pay the red velvet and I want the cookies you gave me yesterday. I want two of them, all packed to go.” You swipe his payment only for the cookies, the red velvet is from you.

“For someone?” You ask when you take out two fresh baked cookies and wrap them nicely inside a bag.

Jaemin shakes his head, “It’s for me, and I’m working overnight today. The cookies will be my acquaintance tonight.”

“Have strength! Good luck,” you send him off with a wave of hand.

That’s the last time you ever see him. For a good one week, you never see his nose. Jeno teases you repeatedly for waiting and hoping like a fool, but you shush him off. One week feels like a month and the nosey customers really drain your energy.

One night when Renjun is already mopping the floor and you’re already turning over the chairs, the door opens and a young man in a tidy suit surprise both of you. Jeno glances at the door sign; it clearly is turned over already, why is he here.

“Sorry, are you closed already?” the man you missed for one week questions the two of you.

You quickly leave your current work and take over the counter, “No, we can make it work for you. We still have 5 minutes to the closing hour, but feel free to take your time.”

“Usual order?” You ask while turning on the brewer and cashier, Jaemin nods then take a seat at one of the tables you haven’t turn over.

Jeno bids you goodbye after his mopping is done, and you’re left alone with Jaemin.

“Please make yourself a drink, can you sit with me for a while tonight? Drinks are on me.” he sounds hopeful.

You take his invitation, making yourself a cup of warm coffee. You carry the dark liquids and a plate of cake from the storage.

You take your seat across him; he has his coat off already and he looks breath-taking in his white shirt and loosen tie. He is busy with his cold drink, and you preoccupied your nerves with the warm caffeine. Your heart is almost bursting out of joy, here in front of you the man you crushed, you finally get the chance to sit alone with him only. You don’t care what your boss will do to you if he ever finds out about this.

Jaemin picks the fork and pokes the cake, “What is this?”

You snap from your daydream, “Oh, that’s a new menu. A rainbow cake, were going to release them tomorrow.” He raises his brow in curiosity,

“Each colour has different flavour. Please try them.” You look at him expectantly when he takes the red part into his mouth. He savours the taste, munches, pokes into the next colour, tastes them and when he reaches the 7th colour, he finally makes his comment.

“Hmm it’s cool, a nice idea! It also tastes good. I am sure buying this again.” Jaemin’s eyes brighten and he gulps down his coffee to clean his palettes.

“(y/n),” Jaemin surprises you by calling your name. You almost ask where he learned your name, but you realize you wear name tags every day. “Thank you for opening the café for me and thank you for sitting here with me tonight.”

You shake your head and hands, “No, it’s not a problem Jaemin. Besides, I can probably help you if you need someone to talk and share stories too. Only if you’re willing too,” You panicked.

Jaemin thinks for a quick second and smirk, “You’re probably right. I need to share what’s bothering my mind. Great idea!”

It sure is a great idea for Jaemin, but not for you. Jaemin has just finished his story about his breakup with his so-called girlfriend he loved dearly. You are surprised to find out he has been dating for one year and got dumped last week, because poor Jaemin caught her kissing another man in the park. She chose the other guy over him. Jaemin concludes that he’s now traumatized, and he will be staying away from falling in love for a moment. He is hurt, and he doesn’t want to fall in love now.

You made a mental note about this and continue to talk about more things. As the night deepens, the cake vanished, and the coffees finished, you learn each other’s hobbies and favourite singers.

Jaemin helps you clean up the table and turning over the chair. He drops in extra tips into the jar, then he waits for you outside as you turn off all the machines, lights, and lock the door.

“Thank you for listening to me tonight,” Jaemin bashfully looks into his shoes.

“It’s nothing big, I’m happy if you’re feeling better now. So, good night Jaemin,” you wave your hand to him when your bus arrives. He waves his hand back at you and descends into his car.

After that night, you remember his words where he did not want to fall in love yet. That morning, you ensure your heart that the feeling must stop. You ask Jeno to switch with you and take over the cashier. You choose to work in the kitchen with your other co-worker, Renjun. You’re not going to fall more into Jaemin, no you need to stop before you hurt yourself.

You tell Renjun why you’re here now and the cheerful man just pats your back, “Aw, you’re burying a feeling. It’s okay you still have me and Renjun. We’re both still free and available for blind dates.” He winks and succeeds in cheering you up.

Weeks passed by, you work in nice union with Renjun baking cakes, and preparing bobas. Your life is bright again even without seeing Jaemin, until one day Jeno barges into the kitchen and smirks, “(y/n), he’s here and he wants to see you. I can’t hold it anymore; I’ve been telling him lies that you’re not here anymore but turns out he saw you and he wants to see you!” today.

“Who?” Renjun asks

You freeze in your place, is it really the same man you’re thinking of?

Jeno sees your reaction, “You want me to shoo him off?”

You shake your head, Jeno suddenly remembers something, “Ah yeah, he told me to tell you this. He’s ready to try it again. I don’t know what he means but he told me to deliver that message to you.” Your eyes widen and you turn your body to exit the kitchen door, leaving the two men puzzled.

You quickly run your eyes through the customers inside the small café, but he’s not there. Your eyes catch him leaving the door with a glass of Americano in his right hand and a small pack of cookies on his left.

You did not meet him yet, but you know when you will see him again.

That’s right, tomorrow.

The last rays of sun lights are slowly fading off, the sky is beautifully painted orange and purple. You tighten the apron over your waist and with the textbook smile you’re taking in orders and payments once again.

“Good afternoon, what can I help you with? Maybe a special menu today? Rainbow bubble tea made especially for you.” You wink at the man in front of your cashier counter.

He chuckles, “I’d take that as a yes, if you’re going to sit with me in that table at the corner.”

You blush and punch in his order, “That means you’re having Americano today, because I am not free until my shift ends at 9.”

He glances at his watch, “Three hours is nothing compared to a week. Please add a slice of rainbow cake too! I am waiting for my date until 9 tonight.” He offers you his deadly smile, and you cannot feel your legs.

Jeno and Renjun heard everything, when Jaemin goes away to his chair; the two men take their cue to mess with you.

“What do you want for a drink? Let me prepare it for you.” Jeno takes over the cup in my hand and makes the order.

“Of course, strawberry boba, right?” Renjun winks and walks to take a slice of rainbow cake and cheesecake.

“You love my cheesecakes, right? Now, go sit with him and we will take over your part.” Renjun unties your apron and pushes you to Jaemin’s table direction.

What? you’re surprised with the sudden situation.

“Go get your love, good luck!” the two men unite and push you into his direction. Jaemin turns his head and sees you walking to him. He smiles and gets up to pull out your chair.

“Guess this is it, I don’t have to wait for three hours by myself, and my date is here already.”

fin.

[arcticfox007]

Suptober Day 1: Harvest

This is my first time doing Suptober and I probably won’t do every day (and am already a day late) but I thought it would be a good creativity boost and looking through all the other work it seemed like a lot of fun! Thanks to @winchester-reload for organizing this :)

Check it out on AO3!

Castiel hadn’t meant to overhear the conversation. He was supposed to be on break, but had volunteered to reset room 5 for the next patient because he knew his friend Alex had been in dire need of a break. Cas was only a volunteer, spending his junior year of college shadowing various medical professionals to get a better idea of what a career in medicine would really be like. When Alex had suggested shadowing one of the doctors she worked with, he’d readily agreed, knowing that his friend spoke highly of both Dr. Barnes and Dr. Fitzgerald.

He’d already spent the past few hours shadowing Dr. Fitzgerald (or Garth as he insisted on being called) and had seen enough to realize that Family Medicine was understaffed and struggling to do the best they could for their patients given the absurd constraints on their time. Garth was currently seeing a patient who didn’t want a stranger in the room, so the doctor had told Cas to grab some lunch. Cas had intended to do just that when he saw Alex making frantic phone calls at the front desk. When she’d hung up, she’d looked at the end of her rope, explaining to Can that one of the other nurses called out and she couldn’t find anyone to cover for them.

Which is how Cas ended up in room 5 wiping down the surfaces and pulling a new paper cover over the bed. Cas knew all about patient privacy, but really, the conversation easily carried into the room when the man who must be one of Dr. Barnes patients had decided to continue talking to her out in the hallway. The man had a compelling voice and by the time Cas realized he was eavesdropping it was too late to avoid it as leaving room 5 now would have only made the unsuspecting patient realize he’d been overheard.

“Um, and, I’m really sorry about this doc, but I probably can’t afford the bill for today’s services right away.”

“Dean, just call Meg like I told you. Our pharmacy here is amazing at finding co-pay cards for these types of medications.”

“I will talk to her, I swear. It’s just when we had to switch insurance plans the new one says the co-pay for that grade of medicine is $100 a dose. I’m honestly not sure I can make that work Dr. Barnes.”

“I understand, but you need this medicine Dean. Your RA will flare right back up without it. If that happens you eventually won’t be able to work at all. Even skipping doses is ill-advised, letting the inflammation persist could eventually cause permanent damage to your joints.”

“I get it doc, I do, but $400 a month? It’s basically choosing between eating and my ability to move without pain.”

“Dean, just talk to Meg. We will figure something out. At least promise me you’ll take the Humira every other week. I know it didn’t manage your symptoms well at the lower dose before, but it was still better than letting the RA go untreated.”

Dean must have responded to Dr. Barnes in some way Castiel couldn’t hear, because after a few moments the sound of footsteps echoed down the hallway, fading as they moved towards the front desk. Cas hurried out of room 5, the trash bag hanging unnoticed from his wrist. His heartbeat sped up as he worried that he wouldn’t catch a glimpse of “Dean” before he left the office. Cas didn’t really know what he was planning on doing, just that he couldn’t stand the thought of this man resigning himself to pain all because the healthcare industry was such an awful mess that it would burden someone with choosing food over medicine. Something about the way Dean had sounded reminded him so much of his sister, Anna, right before she had left Castiel forever. That feeling drew Cas forward to meet a man he didn’t know. Cas couldn’t solve Dean’s money problems, Cas couldn’t force the government to change how healthcare was run in the country, Cas couldn’t even make Dean’s medical issues any better – but he could meet this man and maybe make him smile for a moment. Maybe, if he was brave enough, he could offer him some sort of friendship so maybe he would have one more person to help him through his struggles. Cas had been too young to understand how alone Anna must have felt but he knew more about it now. Helping people like Anna was what had drawn Cas to medicine in the first place.

Turning the corner Cas was startled to see what could only be a 6-foot flannel-wearing freckled god. The man was Hollywood beautiful and for a moment Cas forgot what had brought him rushing around the corner in the first place. The sound of Alex pointedly snapping her fingers brought Castiel back to reality as he broke of his inappropriate staring. He felt his skin heat up rapidly as he blushed.

“Did you finish room 5, Castiel?” Alex stared at him expectantly. Silently, Cas handed over the trash bag and muttered something about taking his lunch break outside. Too embarrassed by his very obvious admiration of the man that must have been Dean, Cas didn’t think he could talk to him in front of Alex. He rushed out the front door in the hopes that the autumn air would help him pull himself together. He didn’t know why he’d felt so compelled to talk to a man who’s private and very personal conversation he’d overheard. He was almost glad that his humiliating gawking had saved him from speaking to the guy. After all, what would he have said anyway? The air alone wasn’t helping Castiel’s composure, so he began pacing in front of the building.

“I mean how do you go up to a stranger and tell them they aren’t alone and that good things do happen? It’s not like it wouldn’t embarrass the guy to know I overheard him talking about his money problems…” Cas froze as he heard someone clear their throat behind him.

“Uh, hey man. I actually came out to ask you something else, but I think this just got awkward.” Cas took a deep breath already knowing it was Dean standing behind him. Cas’ habit of muttering to himself when anxious had gotten him into trouble on more than one occasion, but never quite as badly as this felt. Sadly, his fervent wish to turn invisible on the spot was being ignored by the universe and he found himself staring into striking green eyes while wondering how he could possibly salvage this situation.

“H-hello Dean. I’m Castiel, and I can’t apologize enough for overhearing your conversation with Dr. Barnes. I swear it wasn’t intentional, I was cleaning out the room you were standing near and – “

“Whoa, hold up buddy. I’m not mad or anything. I mean, it wouldn’t be my topic of choice to start chatting up the hot new guy at my doctor’s office, but you clearly work in healthcare, I’m sure you’ve heard the same thing from lots of folks.” Cas’ brain froze a bit when Dean referred to him as hot, but then it caught up with what he was actually saying.

“Er, actually I’m just shadowing Dr. Garth for the day, but yes, I have heard stories like yours. My sister, Anna, went through something similar. That’s why I wanted to say something to you but wasn’t sure what. Then I actually saw you and, well, you saw. I’m not really good with subtlety. I apologize if I made you uncomfortable.” Dean threw his head back with a barking laugh and Cas found himself staring at the beautiful man yet again.

“Having someone like you checking me out definitely doesn’t make me uncomfortable. If it makes you feel better, I came out hoping to ask if you’d be interested in going to the Harvest Festival tonight. I have to work for a bit at my store’s booth but if you were free around 7, I’d love to talk with you more. Even if it’s just whatever you wanted to talk to me about before.” Dean smiled flirtatiously at Cas, and there was no way to resist that.

“Yes, I’d love to! Where should I meet you?”

They exchanged information quickly, and parted ways with matching smiles. Cas would get his chance to tell Dean how his sister gave up her fight with cancer because she knew her treatments were bankrupting the family. He’d tell him how he’d was hoping to be a doctor himself one day to maybe help someone else like Anna win their fight despite the shitty healthcare system. He’d also tell Dean that he’d chased him down the hall because he’d desperately wanted to tell him that maybe they were strangers, but that he hoped Dean didn’t give up and that he’d be willing to be there for him if having a friend would help.

Now though, Cas thought maybe he’d already made Dean’s day a bit brighter, and he looked forward to getting to know the handsome man better. Maybe his impulse to offer his friendship to a stranger wasn’t as insane as it first seemed, and if Castiel was reading things right perhaps friendship wasn’t the only thing they had to offer one another.

[mommymooze]

Dreaming of a Different Day

Reader, Fe3h Characters, Modern AU

Blood, gore, fighting, dead bodies, homework, sweating

7986 words

Working night shift at a gas station isn’t the most glorious job, but it helps pay the bills while you are trying to complete your degree at college. Determined to graduate without getting buried under an insurmountable amount of student debt, you work two jobs, sometimes three, even if it means taking 10 years to get a 4 year degree. Scoring a job in building maintenance for the college certainly helps with getting reduced fees on classes and books. Between two current jobs and classes or study time, there isn’t much time to sleep. Sometimes you volunteer your body as a lab rat for some of the studies done at the university, if you can work them in to your hectic schedule. This time they want to study your brain while you sleep. Getting paid to sleep? Sign me up!

Filling your 32oz. thermal bucket with coffee, you head out to catch a bus to campus. You have about an hour to study before you make it to the appointment at the psychology building.

An alarm sounds on your phone, time to pack up to make it to your appointment on time. Stashing your laptop and books into your backpack you head up the stairs to the third floor. Opening the door, you see a sleepy looking green haired student gathering forms together and stapling them into packets, placing them into manila folders.

“I’m here for the 8:00am appointment.” You announce.

He hands you a folder and a pen, telling you to fill out the paperwork and return them to him when complete.

You fill out the forms completely and honestly. Your sleep schedule is hell, you sleep when you can, mostly during daylight hours. You don’t recall any of your dreams or nightmares. No drinking or drugs. No sense in lying on these forms, they’ll find out if you’re trying to say something to please them or force yourself into their study group. Forms complete, you place them on the front desk as the young man nods.

Returning to your table you pull out your laptop and begin working on homework. You notice someone is standing in front of you.

A tall young woman with short blonde hair smiles at you, asking you to follow her. You grab your things, she leads you to a small room with a bed and several different machines, some on tables, some freestanding.

She tells you to change into a hospital gown, tie in the front because they need to attach some wires for monitoring. Most of the wires are attached to your head. She tells you the liquid they use to have it stick to your head is easily washed out of your hair. Once you are fully wired, she leaves and comes back with the fluffiest, warmest blanket you have ever felt and wraps it around you leading you to the bed. She asks if you want a sleep mask to block out the light and you do. The hum of the machines, the darkness and the fluffy warm blanket are enough to get you to fall asleep quite quickly.

A soft alarm goes off and you hear the voice of the green haired man asking you what you remember. You stay still, thinking. You recall walking down a corridor, speaking with other people. They are dressed differently. Maybe wearing a school uniform? You were carrying a book headed to…you can’t remember. It is strange, why suddenly have a dream here of all places? Taking the mask from your eyes you look to see him writing. He finishes his notes and leaves muttering a soft “Thank you.”

The wires are removed, you are told to change back into your regular clothes. They will message you if you will be chosen for further study. Handing you an envelope full of cash you head out the door, just in time to make it to your class.

Classes done for the day. You are mopping the floors of the student housing building 3. Yet another party to clean up after. Sure, you could notify the RA’s and make the other students do it, but they would make more mess and take too long. It is easier to simply clean it up yourself. Giving the floor a final mop, you shriek as someone steps behind you and taps on your shoulder.

“Hey, sorry we made so much mess for you.” A handsome male with dark hair, darker skin and brilliant green eyes smiles at you.

“No prob. No mess, no job, right?” You answer. They always show up when the work is about done.

“Can I interest you in some cake? We have some left.” He gestures with his hand open towards you.

“Nope. Smelled it too long cleaning it from floor vents.” You keep swiping the mop back and forth, then dunking it in your soapy bucket, squeezing it out and slapping it back on the floor.

Claude attempts to introduce himself. “Claude Riegan, Senior, Political Science.”

You answer in a monotone voice, “I am the janitor.“

“Hah.” He forces a laugh. “I’ve seen you in the halls here and there. You’re a student as well.”

You shrug, going to the closet to dump out your bucket. “Gotta run. Bldg 2 calls.”

He smiles and waves, you sort of wave back.

Work complete you head back to the smaller than an efficiency apartment you rent. Hotplate, and microwave for cooking, it has a half bath so you wash in a plastic tub. One small room for everything, no closets. Everything you own is in labeled tubs. No windows, but there is a door that locks.

You work on homework until your brain is fried. Collapsing on your bed you set an alarm, plug in your phone and laptop and sleep for a few hours before you have to get up for work tonight at the gas station.

Making it to class 5 minutes early you haul your bucket of coffee with a straw in it to your seat. Did you see that Claude guy in the halls? He likes yellow shirts. Both times you saw him in that color.

Today you listen to the lecture while looking around the room. Most of the time you take notes but you know this particular subject well. There’s a guy with light green hair and glasses to the right. Why does he look familiar? Have you seen him in a class before? You recognize the emo guy in front with a brown haired girl always huddled together. Oh no. The horrendous heartbreaker is here. Who doesn’t know about him? How many messes of his have you cleaned up because he’s dumped a girl and she resorted to violence and damaged school property? At least 100. You had no idea he was in your class. You lift up a book to block his direct view of your face. Perhaps you can remain nonexistent to him.

The professor ends the lesson. You note the work to be turned in, due date, assigned reading. Just as you’re about to finish tossing everything into your bag, you get a text. The psych guys want you for another sleep study. You tell them you can daytime sleep Tues or Thurs or Fri til 5. Great. They take all 3.

Cool. You may actually have some free cash for a few weeks. Maybe you can splurge on new shoes.

Monday night at the gas station is quiet. They usually are. Coffee keeps you coherent enough to make correct change and clean things properly. You have enough time to get home, clean up and hit the psy lab by 6am. They are to wake you 2 so you can make your class in plenty of time.

Mercie is the girl that wires you up to the machines. She hands you the sleep mask and fluffy blanket. It doesn’t take you long to go to sleep having come off your caffeine high a couple hours ago.

The alarm goes off and you bolt upright to a seated position in the bed, gasping for breath.

“Tell me quickly.” The green haired man encourages you to speak.

“I was fighting for my life. There was a battle. It was primitive. There were swords and long spears and huge axes with blades bigger than your head. A woman had fire coming from her fingers killing a man. I could smell his flesh burning. I stabbed bad people with my spear. I had to help my friends. We were fighting…um…a gang? thieves? They were hurting people nearby. My friend was hit by a spear and I killed the guy that hit him. Then I was…touching my friend’s stab wound. Light came from my fingers and I watched the hole in his side close up.” You sat there, staring at your hands. They were your hands but no longer covered in blood. You were grimacing as hard as you were in the dream, concentrating on your hands. But they did not glow.

“What else? What about the land?” His disinterested voice demands more.

“It was in a wild undeveloped area. No buildings. Just trees and rocks and bushes. We were fighting our way up a hill. Some of us going up one side, some going the other. I could hear them fighting on the other side of the hill. We were going to meet at the top. I couldn’t wait to see the leader, I kept looking for her blue hair. I knew she was the best fighter ever and would do everything to keep us safe.”

“Anything else?” His last follow up question.

“It’s faded a lot now. So much blood everywhere. The smells, they were awful. Metal banging on metal was so loud.”

He stands and stretches. “Thank you.” He says as he closes the door behind him.

You get dressed and grab your stuff heading for your afternoon class. Why are you suddenly dreaming? You don’t remember dreaming much before since you were a kid. This was a nightmare. You didn’t drink anything. You had slept over 7 hours, that’s the longest you’ve slept in…months? If the nightmares keep up, you’re not sure this is worth the extra cash.

After class you head home. You don’t feel as exhausted as you normally do, so you work ahead on a class or two. Most of the time homework can be done while you’re at the gas station counter.

Class in the morning is boring. Only a few more weeks to suffer before you get a break. Heading home you lay in your bed. You want to sleep. You really, really do. But now you’re afraid if you close your eyes, will the dreams continue? You grab your accounting book and start reading. You wake up with your alarm going off so you can get ready to head to work tonight. You do not dream, not even a about spreadsheets.

Work is uneventful. Mostly the same people coming in to buy the same things. Taking deliveries of different foods and replacing the purchased items on the shelves. Completing homework as time allows. Finally, it is time to clock out as the next shift comes in to deal with the daytime crowd.

You hit the bus, get to your room, swap out what you don’t need with what you do, toss your backpack on and head out to the Psych lab. You’re wired up and under the blanket. You feel a bit anxious about sleeping, however it is totally dark and the humming of the machines soon overtakes your thoughts and you fall asleep.

You awaken to hear the same guy as before asking you to talk.

Not opening your eyes you go through what happened.” There was a battle but not a real battle. Everyone is fighting but you aren’t really trying to kill each other. The weapons are fake. The magic is real but not seriously real. It reminds me of watching football practice. Each team wore their colors and are trying to beat up the others. The yellow team wins and everyone goes to a party. The blue haired leader lady said I had done a great job. She asks me to have tea and wants to talk about joining her house. Is she leading a fraternity? I woke up as I was helping clean up the mess after the party.”

“Tell me where this happened.” He asks.

“Well, the battle was on a big open field. There was a hill that someone could pull a lever and fire stuff at others. Scattered clumps of trees here and there, where some people would hide. It was a long walk to get to the field there. When walking I spoke with a grayish haired guy that would talk about stories he read about knights and do gooders. Oh, and on a big hill were three people with bright green hair. A man, woman and a younger shorter girl. They were watching. But they did not go to the party after. The party was in the dining area back at the school.”

You’re dressed, your hair feels sticky, so you put on a baseball cap with the university logo on it and head to your janitorial job. Mind numbing floor sweeping, mopping, and emptying trashcans fills your night. You are glad you had a good sleep at the psych lab, because it’s a short night tonight after getting off at 3am and having a class again at 8am the next day, you make it, like any other college student.

Grabbing something awful to eat after class, you head back to the third floor in the psych building for the last sleep of this week.

You wake up completely and totally freaked out. What a nightmare. Walking forever in the rain until you are soaked through, your skin all cold and wrinkly, and now you go into the creepy tower with the rest of the Blue Lions. You’re on the blue team. An older woman is the teacher, you wish you had the blue haired lady, she was so awesome.

Everyone creeps around and around going up higher in the tower while bad guys are firing arrows and popping out of hidden spaces. You remember using magic. You concentrated and this circle with marks on it appeared in your vision and next thing you know you shot lightning out of your fingers at a monster. A horrifying monster. It used to be a mean ugly guy but he changed and got big and evil looking, like a T-rex heavy on the claws and teeth. Everyone is fighting for their lives.

The worse part is one of them was his brother and had to get something back for his family. There was so much blood. Everyone was freaked out, especially the guy that killed his brother. It was horrible. By the time you finished talking to Linny, you were shaking and holding yourself. He just kept saying it was only a dream and told you that you would be fine.

You head to classes trying to best to concentrate.

Normally the job of polishing floors is nice. The machine does all of the work, you just change out the heads to clean then polish. The hallways here lead to rooms that have been reset for a large Art show presenting the student’s works. Many of the students are in your way, hauling in stands and setting up displays of their work. You keep looking down, studying the polishing machine. You can’t look at most of the artwork it, reminds you of the monsters you’ve dreamed of, or swords, or there is blood everywhere. What happened to fields of flowers? Paint a bowl of fruit or something bland.

You clock out at 3 am, head back to your room and crash burying yourself under a ton of blankets. One class today then you don’t have to be back to the university until 6pm. You need to hide in your bed. You are mentally exhausted. You need to sleep, so you down some cold medicine and it knocks you out.

Sleep is not kind. You aren’t in the lab, you are in the safety of your own bed. The dreams, okay, nightmares continue. Some girl is missing. Everyone is trying to find her. The Blue Lions leave to find some item and fight monsters, when you come back they found her, some other gal that was missing, and a creepy skeleton looking guy on a horse fought them in the basement. Ugh. You remember that head someone had on a stand in the art class, with the red glowing eyes. At least before you woke up you remember having tea with the blue haired professor and you agreed to join her group. She also gives you nice flowers for your birthday. You wake up just after tea was over.

You’ve never dreamed before. What the hell. You aren’t getting paid to dream at home. You don’t want this. What can of worms have they opened on you? You want your regular dreamless close your eyes, sleep, open them and go again. Not running miles and chasing horrible things and stabbing stuff and getting hurt and bleeding.

After class this morning the library is your destination today. Gotta get some references and info for a class. You stop by a quicky mart on the way. Need coffee. You’re not one of those fancy coffee kids, just creamer and go. You could care less what mountain they grew the coffee on as long as it is caffeine and keeping you awake.

Filling your cup with the elixir of consciousness, you see a girl with purple hair having problems with the whipped cream function of the expensive coffee and creamer dispenser.

You walk up to her. “Hey Bernie, want me to help?”

“Sure.” The girl says still punching buttons.

You fiddle with the machine knowing how temperamental they can be and get plenty of whip cream on top of her coffee.

She looks at me to say thank you, drops her books and screams. “Who are you? I don’t even know you!”

You shove a lid on her cup and put it in her hands. “Take your coffee.” Picking up her books, you stuff them in her arms. You head for the checkout. Your brain is confused too. You don’t know her, but she’s in the dreams and it’s her, Bernadetta.

Heading to the library you pull out your laptop and begin working on a project for class. You keep your head down, concentrate you keep telling yourself, but pieces of the dreams creep up on you every time you try to focus. Writing a few sentences, you click on an arrow on your laptop screen. You remember Bernie shooting arrows and she’s an amazing archer along with Ignatz. They love to paint. You wonder what it would look like if they did something together.

Concentrate. Fingers on the keyboard. The page is filling with text, the project is coming along. You need to find another book for reference. Signing into the library website you search for its location. You find the book and take it back to your seat. Flipping through it you find the section you want. Inside there is a postit note:

“Don’t bother with this. It’s wrong. See…” It lists a book you passed on, thinking this would be better. Perhaps the mysterious postit writer has been through this class and is saving everyone else from the same headaches. Nice. You get up and trade out books. This one does have exactly what you are looking for and your project speeds forward. You flip through the book once you’re finished with its contents and surprise! Another postit. “Bonus: Check out…”

You are enraptured, of course you go to find the next book. It is even better than the last one. The section related to your task has a note. “BTW, don’t quote that last book, Prof hates it. Do this instead. The curious get the rewards!” OMG. This is the greatest stuff. But the game is over, no more notes, you even check behind the last one. It did keep you entertained and focused though, a great help or you may have never finished this.

Saving everything and backing it up onto the cloud you have enough time to toss your stuff into the employee lockers and get your janitorial getup on. Baseball cap and earbuds in, it’s time for 8 hours of cleaning up after everyone else.

Building 3 is the party hub of the campus. At least they cleaned up some of the party decor, floor vents contain no cake, but they still leave a mess. You have to wash down the walls.

About 1:30am a dark haired guy with a ponytail comes in all frazzled asking if I’ve seen a red headed guy passed out somewhere. Nope. We both check the balcony and there he is out on a plastic chair. It is heartbreaker Sylvain.

You ask for help picking him up to get him to a standing position. You tell his buddy to hold him still. Throwing your right shoulder into his crotch you grab his left arm and throw it over your opposite shoulder. Sylvain is now up over your shoulder in a fireman’s carry.

His buddy gets the door and elevator for you. When the door opens there is a wheelchair close by and you dump Sylvain into it.

“How’d you know how to do that?” His friend asks.

“I’ve carried him before.” You answer as you help wheel Sylvain to the car. You help pour him into the front seat and reach over the seatbelt to his friend.

“Good luck. He’s your problem now.” You mutter as you turn around and head back to work.

At least this time he wasn’t bleeding you think. Wait. You’ve carried Sylvain before, during a fight. To get him to safety. That was Felix who came to get him. When you carried him, you were in leather gear and had more muscles. It reminds you of highschool wrestling. You did that for a few years. It felt so right doing that, but this college doesn’t have women’s wrestling, so you left it behind. It was how you got the job in janitorial because you are a female that can lift and move heavy weights, doing it the right way and not getting hurt.

Finishing your shift it is early Sunday morning. You go home, sleep, and dream.

You’re playing chess with Hubert. You’re beating him and he is pissed. He threatens you with cheating, distracting him, etc. You laugh at him. He’s always threatening someone or something.

Byleth comes in and ends the game. You head to a war meeting with the rest of the Black Eagles Strike force. Now that Byleth has returned Edelgard wants to recapture the great bridge at Myrddin.

After the meeting you head out to the training area for magic users. Warming up with a few Thunder spells, you work through Thoron then Bolting. The magic flowing through you feels amazing, you are one with the forces of nature.

You can feel the cold flowing from your fingertips as you cast blizzard at a target. Casting Fimbulvetr you watch as a solid ice grows around and surrounds the target.

Taking a few cleansing breaths, you then cast sagittae, the arrows breaking chunks of ice off of the target. Agnea’s Arrow finally strikes the ice, causing bright flames releasing steam into the area. The ice and target are obliterated.

You feel a good exhaustion come over you. Practice complete, you head to your quarters to complete additional research for some spells you have been working on.

The next moment you are on the bridge, fighting Alliance fighters and a few former classmates. Byleth has you stationed further away from the students, your goal is to take out a number of heavily armored ground troops and clear the way to Judith, leader of the enemy forces. Your fingers spark with electricity as your favorite spells are prepared. You remind yourself to keep your jubilant shrieks to yourself, in the last battle Hubert chastised you for frightening Bernadetta.

You wake up in your bed. This time you are not revulsed by the fighting. It felt thrilling. That scares you more than when you were upset and afraid. Things are so different in this dream. Byleth is a woman. But you’ve seen them before as a man. You know Edelgard was your enemy before, but this time you practically worship the ground she walks on. You remembered the singular focus you had in the dream. Nothing to distract you from your goal. You would forgo sleep, train well into the night.

Why were you playing chess with Hubert? Oh. He had tricked you, saying that chess is training of the mind to think more strategically. You thought he was trying to keep you out of the training grounds for a while. He’s always playing mother hen over everyone, sticking his nose in where it doesn’t belong.

Sitting up in your bed you shake your head. That was not part of the dream. It felt more like a memory. Are these dreams making you delusional now? You would like to get off this mental merry-go-round.

The next two weeks are filled with working nights, classes or sleeping during the day. Your bank account is getting fat. Your brain is not doing so well. Things from your dreams hit you during the day. Stopping at the cafeteria of the college, you look down at your tray of obviously poor choices. Mercedes voice is in your ear, suggesting that you eat more vegetables. You swear you can hear Manuela tell you to put the pie back on the shelf and get brussels sprouts, dark greens are much healthier for you.

You wear hoodies to class now that the weather is getting a bit colder. Tying the hood around your face to block your peripheral vision helps you concentrate on where you are going. Otherwise you feel like you recognize so many people.

Yesterday, while in the cafeteria you ate your oatmeal with extra raisins and apples, less sugar, thank you Marianne, when you heard a male voice over the rest of the throng. You knew it was Ferdinand. He was being boastful and incredibly proud of his stance on the subject, as a noble should be. It had to be him. Gulping down your food you grab your carton of 2% milk and head out the door to take the long way around to class.

Being a lab rat for the psy group seems to be getting easier. It is like you slip into an alternate universe in the past. Everyone there has the right names and faces, while here in the future, most of them don’t know themselves as you do.

Linny gets lazy about writing down everything. He simply records everything on a laptop and someone else can transcribe it. He sits in his chair, folds his arms and drifts off to sleep to the sound of your voice telling of your dreams.

It is getting harder to keep your accounts of what happens in the dreams simple. You know everyone’s names, the weapons, the enemies, the spells. You feel the need to translate them into something that relates to modern equivalents. You are also trying to be careful about revealing just how deep you are into these…are they just dreams? Memories? Recollections?

Finishing your recitation of the dream, Linhardt is asleep again. Linny!! It’s Linny now. You poke him in the ribs where you know he is ticklish, he quickly wakes and demands that you stop. You ask him to unhook the wires so you can head out. Taking your envelope, you head out to the ATM, deposit the cash then get ready for work.

Noting the amount of posters on the walls for the party in Student housing building 3, Claude is going to have a huge mess for you to clean up. Finishing work on the admin building you head over to whatever disaster awaits you after the party.

The common area and meeting room used for the event are not the worst you have seen. They even bagged up most of their trash. Hauling in a huge plastic dumpster on wheels, you load up the bags to make room to maneuver. Wiping down the tables and chairs you stack and move them to make mopping easier.

“Hey, hope things are better this time, Janitor.” Claude announces as he walks into the room.

“It’s nice. Thanks.” You mumble, surprised that he is here.

“I know we left a huge mess before, so I put Hilda in charge of cleanup.” He has that smirky grin on his face. It’s funny how some things never change. He’s still handsome too.

“I bet she was pissed that you’re making her work.” You say without thinking.

“She was.” Claude nods. “You know her?”

“I..uh..know some people in common.” You answer, wiping a table harder. Claude has always been intensely curious and you are now on his radar. Great.

“You look familiar. I can’t recall where I know you from.” Claude’s voice trails off as he puts his hand to his chin and thinks.

“I have pretty common looks. One head, two eyes with bags under them from lack of sleep. Same as most students.”

Claude sits cross-legged on one of the not too dirty tables, making himself at home. He is staring at you, his chin resting on his fist.

You finish the tables and chairs, except for the table that is occupied and sweep the largest chunks from the floor.

“Please tell me you are not majoring in sanitation or building maintenance.” Claude finally speaks.

“I thought you fell asleep.” You shake the broom onto the building pile of crumbs and debris. You answer him, “No.”

“Too simply dressed to be arts. Rocket scientist?” Claude asks, raising an eyebrow. “You hang out in the science and mathematics buildings.”

“Allergic to RP-1.” You answer, sweeping the crud into a dustpan and heading to the janitorial closet for a mop and bucket. As you emerge with your tools, Claude is in the hallway waiting for you.

“Thank you for an engrossing and in depth conversation.” He yawns and stretches his arms. “Next time don’t talk my ear off.”

Giving a happy sigh of relief you finish cleaning and reassembling the room into its standard configuration. Finishing for the night you grab a shower and head home for a nap and a homework filled day.

Sunday night at the gas station starts off with the normal routine. Delivery trucks unloading overpriced snacks, little old ladies holding up the line while they dig out exact change from their purse, kids dumping sodas on the floor. Past midnight the customers are few and far between. The door sounds and you look up from your bookwork. Some guy with messy red hair starts to come in, turns around and yells at whoever is in the car parked outside in the handicapped spot.

He turns around and faces you. First, you see the gun in his hands. Second, you look at his face and see Miklan.

“Hands up, Bitch. Listen or you are fucking dead.” He snarls, waving the gun.

You put your hands in the air alongside your head. A gunshot rings out, you hear the bullet hit the wall behind you, just over your head.

Miklan snickers, “Yup, loaded. Open the fucking cash register then get back.” He orders.

You open the till then push your back into the cigarettes displayed behind you. He climbs on the counter, reaching in the drawer, looking to grab the cash, but still pointing the gun at you. You keep your hands up, moving them in familiar positions as you softly mouth the words.

An incredibly bright flash of light goes off in front of you combined with a near deafening boom. Miklan’s body flies in the air, landing on his back on the floor. The entire store goes dark. The car outside flashes its lights, then backs up, crashing into a gas pump and speeds off.

You grab your cell phone out of your bag, thrilled when the screen lights up. Calling 911, they say they are on the way. In minutes police, a fire truck and ambulance arrive. They let you grab your belongings and take you outside away from the building under a nearby streetlight. You see camera flashes coming from the building as the ambulance hauls a stretcher inside. An officer speaks with you for a while, telling you to relax and saying a lot of nothing. They frequently ask if you are okay. Your voice shakes and you are visibly trembling from the experience.

After almost an hour they make you lock up the building (minus one Miklan) and take you to the station for questioning. You call your employer while riding in the car. They will handle the store, they are happy you are alive. Take off the rest of the week with full pay.

At the police station you tell them what happened. He came in, shot the gun, you opened the drawer and while he was taking the money something electrical must have happened because there was an electric flash and the whole building went dark. You try to describe the car that was parked outside. You never got a look at the driver.

The police thank you for your cooperation, giving you a cup of coffee, a Danish, and a ride home. You head up the stairs to your apartment and unlock the door. Turning on the light you notice an unmarked envelope on the floor. Nervously you open it. Inside is a slip of paper that says:

“We need to talk. -B.”

You fall onto your bed. You know the handwriting. Its them. Byleth is here, now. There is nothing else on the paper. No phone number. You have no idea what to do next. The only thing you can think of doing is wait. Since it is 3am, you may as well try to sleep. For seeing a dead body for the first time in this life, you are more relaxed about it than you feel you should be.

You wake up to your phone announcing a text message. You sit up and see you have 3 unread messages from an unknown number. You take a deep breath.

[8:00] Hey

[8:05] Wake up

[8:07] Wakey, wakey

I’m up. [8:07]

[8:08] Blue Prius outside, get in and take a ride

Every alarm in your head is going off telling you that this is a bad idea.

Give me a couple minutes to get ready. [8:08]

Stepping outside there is the Prius. As you arrive you open the door to see a huge man hunched over the wheel. He is so large part of him is in your seat. You close the door as you wonder how he got into the car in the first place. You move his elbow away to put on your seatbelt.

“Heya pal.” He says.

“Balthus?” you ask, raising an eyebrow.

“The one and only.” He smirks and hits the gas so hard you fly back in your seat.

He takes you downtown. You are glued to the seast, white knuckled, hanging on to the door handle as he drives like a maniac. You can’t say anything because your heart is in your throat. He suddenly stops in front of a large, unmarked brick building with a 16 above the door.

“Go on ahead, it’s going to take me a while to get out of here. Elevator is through the doors, fourth floor.” Balthus grunts as he opens the door and begins to unfold himself to get out of the tiny car.

As you step up to the door you hear it unlock. Going inside there is no doorman, no security, simply a hallway that leads to the elevator. Punching the up button, you wait. Checking your phone there are no new texts. The doors open and you go inside, hitting the 4thfloor button. You are shaking with excitement, nervousness, dread and who knows what else. As the doors open, they reveal an elegant and very tasteful office setting. Behind a high counter you can’t recognize the person sitting there until they stand up and smile widely at you, holding out his hand.

“Hi. Just call me Gavin. I’m sure you know me as-“

“Gatekeeper!” You gasp and laugh, shaking his hand warmly.

He hits a button on the desk and a voice on the intercom responds, “Okay.”

The door on the other side of the room clicks and opens.

“You can head on in now.” Gavin gestures to the slightly open door.

You walk to the other side of the reception desk and the door is open to a richly wood paneled hallway. The door on the other end of this hall opens as you approach. You pull the door the rest of the way open, stepping in to see Byleth sitting in a large comfortable office chair and Yuri partially seated on the top of the desk on the opposite side.

“Welcome to the fold.” Yuri holds his arms out wide.

You rush over to give him a huge hug, like you would any dear friend. Because he was? Is? You’re not sure, but you hug him anyway.

“I’m sure you have many questions.” Byleth folds his hands on his desk and looks at you, waiting for your response.

“I don’t get a hug?” You ask, holding your arms out.

Byleth stands and steps around the desk and hugs you, then looks down at you. “I apologize. I am not certain what you know and what you remember.”

“A lot. This is going to take a while.” You answer. “Can we drop the formal setting and sit somewhere comfy? With you behind the desk it’s like we’re back in school.”

“I’ll get us some coffee.” Yuri offers. “Cream only, right?”

“Yup.” You chime as Byleth leads you to an overstuffed corner couch in front of large windows that offer a great view of the city. You take a seat at one end and take your coffee, placing it on the end table next to you. Yuri and Byleth sit beside each other on the other end.

“So you two are together this time?” You ask.

“Yeah.” Yuri smiles as he takes Byleth’s hand in his own.

“Awesome. My favorite.” You nod.

“Just how much do you remember?” Yuri asks, tilting his head.

“I remember fighting alongside each of the houses. If I was not in the house when Byleth led them, they recruited me. Byleth was a male once, a female twice. Three times altogether.” You begin, then frown. “Strange. None of them are like the history books.

Yuri and Byleth look at each other for what seemed like a long time. Yuri bends over and hits a button on the telephone on the table.

“Gavin, order lunch to be brought in and make reservations for dinner. Cancel any remaining appointments for today. Thanks”

“Okay. Start from the beginning. Let’s say Blue Lions. What is your first memory with them?”

“I was staying at an inn, Remire Village. I just made it to the dining area and was stuffing my face full of food when Jeralt comes in all pissed off because these kids show up and they’re in trouble.” You begin. They let you keep talking. Yuri tents his fingers at times, mostly sits back sipping his coffee.

Byleth is spellbound as you begin. He stares into your face like he is reliving your memories with you. Well, they did live them with you. They were your best friend.

You tell them of the battle with Miklan, finding Flayn, Remire, the fall of Jeralt, the defeat of Solon, the battle of Garreg Mach, the five years of being without Byleth, reuniting for the Millennium festival, Dimitri’s madness, the battle at the bridge and Dedue’s return, the nightmare that was Gronder, Merceus and Enbarr.

You then go silent. You look at Yuri and Byleth. You grimace for a moment.

“BylethmarriedDimitri.” You cough into your hand. “I don’t remember much after that.”

Byleth sits back on the couch. “Fascinating.”

“You never told me that-“ Yuri begins to say until Byleth gives him a look that obviously says now is not the time for this.

A beep sounds from the telephone.

“Time for lunch.” Byleth says as he stands up.

You leave through a different door and are led to a dining room. The food smells delicious.

Over lunch you begin your questioning. “Okay, so was this all real? I know you merged with Sothis and everything, convenient to leave that out of the history books, but this actually happened? It’s not just dreams. I began to remember while dreaming, then it moved on to remembering while I was awake. The memories flooded my brain like a tidal wave.”

“Yes. It was real. It did happen. Several times.” Byleth answers you without hesitation.

“You kept reliving that part of your life over and over until you arrived at the best solution? That is fucking amazing. Hawking would've loved it.” You shake your head in near disbelief. “You were the archbishop, but the church isn’t around any more. I guess you just let that go away on its own. What are you doing now?”

Yuri comments about how well the meat is spiced and that they should order this dish again. You interpret this as new subject time.

“There was no mention of dragons or Agarthans in the history books. Did that happen?” You ask quietly.

Byleth nods, “Yes. It did. It was a fantastic combined effort to take them down. We agreed it was best left unwritten.”

The food is quite delicious. You try to think of more pleasant things to talk or ask about, your head spinning with this revelation before you.

“Who else remembers?”

“Just you.” Yuri answers.

“You gotta be shitting me.” Your jaw drops nearly to the table.

“Only you.” Byleth nods.

“Is anyone else supposed to remember?” You’re happy about these two, but you also hoped to speak to a few others. Reminisce about old times? Something like that.

Yuri explains, “Well, in the past we tried a few times, reincarnation is a thing actually. Most of you appear close to the same time. We had tried different ways of bringing through their memories. The problem was that when some remembered they mentally crashed. Now with counseling and medications being as advanced as they are we thought we would try again.”

“So then I volunteer to be a lab rat and something clicked…” Your voice drifts off as you recall the early dreams. .

Yuri continues, “When we read the reports of your dreams we were very excited. What we weren’t’ prepared for is how quickly it awoke the memories in you. We had no idea how you would respond.”

“You are a secretive creature, keeping mostly to yourself.” Byleth nods.

“We’ve been spying on you here and there.” Yuri grins. “You are so damn boring. Anyway, hiring you at the university made it easier to eavesdrop on your conversations.”

“What about the gas station incident.” You have a puzzled look on your face.

“That was all you.” Byleth shakes his head. “We had no idea that you could retain so much knowledge that you could actually cast spells. Crests have pretty much faded from existence. There are probably a few flickers here and there but nothing manifesting.”

You head back to the comfy couch, a fresh cup of coffee in hand. “So what now?”

“Well you can go on with your best life. You can work with us. What do you want to do?” Byleth shrugs. “We want to give your soul some closure. Maybe to be able to move on? Not like some creepy ghost or anything.”

Yuri winks, “Hey what about your love life? Do you remember much about it?”

You scrunch your face remembering what a mess it was. “Yes, I do. Ugh. I fell for Claude but had no chance because of supersexy female Byleth. I chased after Felix who was a good friend, but he was in love with Sylvain for forever. Then omg, can’t believe I am saying this, Hubert, and well, he was all over Ferdinand.”

They both look at you with a slight frown.

“I don’t know what order Byleth went through the different houses. I never remembered from one experience to the next. Now that I remember them all, I can certainly see what I didn’t before. A whole lot of ‘love is blind’ going on. Wanting something so much you can’t see the signs blocking your way.”

“How about now?” Yuri has that sly look about him. What a gossip.

“Working two jobs trying to pay for college and not be buried in debt, I have not dated. Ever.” You shrug. “It isn’t fair to someone else, we would have almost no time together. I work nights 7 days a week then school and homework. There is no time to breathe or eat, much less look for love.”

“Well, Byleth is unavailable.” Yuri moves a bit closer to him to assert his ownership. “You know Claude is quite curious about you, ‘Janitor’.” He taunts.

You roll your eyes. “What part of my life don’t you spy on?”

The three of you talk about fond memories, precious victories, even recalling a few of the tragic events.

“So you’ve poked a hole in my brain and all of my memories are out. What would you like to see me do? Wow. I feel like I just dropped a card into the Advice Box.” You laugh.

Byleth, who loved to answer these, sits up. “You should finish your degree and get your Masters.”

“Masters?” You groan, “I am dying right now, you want more? Degree, Masters, required internships and I’m already behind not being able to take things on full boat. I’ll be graduating when I’m 40.”

“Well, there’s a scholarship you may be interested in.” Yuri has his sneaky sneak face on. “You qualify of course. Pays for your schooling, housing, and monthly stipend. Funded by the Eisner foundation. Very private lot they are. More of a don’t call us, we’ll call you kind of group.”

You fall back onto the couch in shock. “W-why are you doing this?” trying to choke back tears.

“The usual.” He drawls. “Finally being able to catch up with old friends. Thank them for everything they’ve done. We would not be here without you. Hoping maybe you want to hang out with us. Maybe awaken a few others?”

“This is all beyond belief.” You shake your head. “If you asked me six months ago that I would be here with you two, talking over past lives. Wow. Do Seteth and Flayn come and visit?”

“They’re around.” Yuri gestures just vaguely enough to let you know yes, but that is not readily available information at this time.

“You are not planning on forming a vigilante superhero group or something weird like that are you?” You frown.

Yuri pouts. “You don’t want to be Lightning Lady or the silver bolt?”

“No.” you answer resolutely. “Masks freak me out these days. You should’ve seen some of the stuff in the art show. Made the Death Knight look like a fairy princess.”

Byleth stands. “We deserve a great dinner, care to join us at Dedue’s?”

“He’s here? Cooking? You bet!” You realize this is the beginning of something amazing.

[superspookywombat]

The Good Vibes Witch {j.h}

Warnings: one use of ‘hell’, un-proofread writing

Requests (shortened versions) : “I would love to read fanfiction (one shot) where reader is a young witch, which decided to move to the town since she is traying to get hold of her powers and take a breath from life, just rest. (like the more scared or stressed she is the harder it is to use her powers) they could be like... she could change the reality, it will be realated to her imagination and the calmer she gets the more powerful she is? but not knowing the life there isn't that calm like she would like it to be. Turns out she is Jasper soulmate, the reason she get there was that Jasper persona was "calling her" and they seems to be perfect much since he got the powers to control emotions. She is really sweet and pretty shy women, but when needed can be really tough.” from @mental-breaker-74​

And: “Can you make a jasper x reader imagine set in eclipse where y/n is a young witch (just young adult age and not 100+) who can kick new born vamp's ass ??” from anonymous

A/n: i’ve had a lot of writer’s block recently so this isn’t my best work and i’m sorry about that. also, i kept going between passed tense and current so idk what’s going on with me tbh

Enjoy :)

You weren’t sure what possessed you to drive your crappy little car to the East Coast, but there you were, on a bumpy little backroad because your car couldn’t go over 46 MPH. Maybe it was the promise of starting a new life in a sleepy town, somewhere you could hide in a cottage in the woods and be one with nature. You needed somewhere quiet- somewhere calm- where you could thrive and be in control of your powers. Something was calling you to the earthy town of Forks, something you couldn’t describe. If there was one thing you had learned by now, though, it was to always go with your gut.

You pull into a run-down gas station, where only one other car is there besides yours. You walk towards the door, hesitating before wrapping your fingers around the door handle and pulling it open. Walking up to the cashier and pulling out a twenty from your wallet, you gently tap the bell on the counter. The shrill sound vibrates your eardrums, and a man walks out of a hidden corner. He does a double take at you, before lifting his arm to wipe the sweat from his forehead. You glance down at your shoes, trying to place your focus anywhere but the man. He holds out his hand for the bill, and you hand it to him, his fingers unnecessarily brushing yours and making the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

“What’s a pretty, young thing like you doing all on your lonesome?” He asks, leaning in close enough so that you can smell what he had for lunch. “Bad things happen to ladies that travel these roads alone.” 

“I’ll be careful, thank you.” You say, reluctantly plastering a smile onto your face. You pull your arms to your chest protectively and glance over your shoulder repeatedly until you’re out of the store and into the open air. As you fill up your car, you look at your reflection in the driver seat window. It had been a spell gone wrong that left you 17 for the rest of eternity, but you hadn’t known it at the time. All you wanted was to be treated like an adult, but it backfired and froze your body and left you as a teenager for the last forty years. You had to move around every three to four years, or whenever people started suspicious of you not aging. You found that if you built a cottage in the woods, you could prolong your stay to about ten years. You didn’t need to eat, your body was literally frozen in time.

Once the machine clicks, you get in your car, locking it immediately and putting it in drive. According to your phone, you were about two hours away from your new home. 

You almost miss the driveway to the plot of land you bought, it being tire tracks that lead to a cliff above the river. As soon as you reach the end of the bumpy drive, you step out and look at your surroundings. You squint your eyes, seeing flashes of white through the tall trees. Great, neighbors. You sigh and make sure that there’s no one watching before closing your eyes. Once you’re one hundred percent calm, you mentally reach down into the earth and pull at the metal, rocks, and wood. All around you, rocks lift from the riverbed, the breeze drying them before they settle into the form of a shelter. Wood from the forest floor drags over and makes a roof, the moss still glued to the bark.

Your new house knits itself together before dawn. You place your trinkets and potion ingredients on the wooden shelves, then lay out your tattered quilt on the makeshift bed. You inhale the earthy scent, then look around at your home for the next decade, hopefully. 

Over the next few days, as you settle in, you focus your time on decorating your cottage. Flowers sprout from the grass, moss and vines rapidly plaster themselves onto the stone, and mushrooms stick up from the stumps decorating your yard. Because you only need a few hours of sleep per week, you use most of your free time knitting rugs to make the place warmer.

A week after moving in, a knock on your sturdy front door takes you by surprise. Why would someone come visit you? You obviously moved out here for isolation. You walk over to the window, moving the curtain aside to peek out and look at the visitors. A petite woman and a tall, lanky man stand outside, the woman holds wildflowers in her hands. You reach to open the door, but then remember your exposed cauldron. Swiftly pulling a blanket over it, you open the door and poke your head out. 

“Hi, I’m Alice.” The woman says, holding her flowers out for you to take. You blink, before realizing you should take them. Opening the door all of the way, you gently take the flowers from her grasp. “We were out hiking and noticed your cottage, here- it’s so lovely.” 

“Oh, um, thank you.” You say, mentally cursing yourself for being so awkward. You motion for them to come inside, glancing around the small room for anything incriminating. 

“This is my brother, Jasper.” Alice says as you rummage for a free vase to put the flowers in. Standing up and deciding to find something later, you tuck your hands safely behind your back, looking up to meet the blond’s intense gaze. You look down at your bare feet, blushing. 

“Nice to meet your acquaintance, ma’am.” He says, his southern drawl like a lullaby to your ears. Calmness radiates through the room and you feel your powers swell inside you. Despite the calm, something more powerful pushes its way into the room. 

“What are you?” Alice asks, her thin eyebrows pushing into a menacing squint.

“Wh-what?” You stutter, backing up until the back of your knees hit your rocking chair. 

“Alice..” Jasper says, but she shuts him up with a pointed look. He sighs, clearly giving in to the girl.

“I can’t see her, Jazz. And neither of us can hear her.” Alice says.

“I know what you are.” You say before you can stop yourself. There was a few in one of the towns you had called home for awhile. They both whip their heads to you, and you suddenly feel small. Why the hell would you say that? “I can feel it, the power radiating from you. You both are Cold Ones- more popularly known as vampires.”

Alice looks at Jasper with wide eyes. “How do you know that?” She asks. You close your eyes and focus on the sight of a flower blooming. When you open your eyes, you open your hands and a white lily sits in your palm. “A witch..”

“Something called me here. Someone called me here.” You say, and Alice looks to Jasper. 

“We need to take her to Carlisle.” She says. They quickly walk out of your cottage, and you look to them with wide eyes.

“You carry her, Jazz.” Alice says nonchalantly. 

“Pardon?” You ask, but you’re swiftly swept off of your feet. You clasp your arms around Jasper’s neck, a scream escaping your lips as he takes a running start and jumps off of the cliff. “Are you trying to kill me?” 

“Not particularly.” He says with a sly smirk. After demanding he puts you down, you jump from his grasp and follow Alice into the big, white house.

-------------------------------------------------

After a few months of living next to the coven of vampires, you were rather good friends with them. Alice liked to drop by and knit with you, Rosalie liked to visit and drink a concoction of yours- Blood Tea, Esme gardened with you, Carlisle and Edward liked to sit and read on your bench, and Emmett enjoyed listening to you talk about the native species (even if it was just to know what was best to hunt.) You’d become close, so it came as no surprise when you found yourself spending more and more time with Jasper. He liked to spend most nights in your garden with you, stargazing, watching you practice magic, or even reading. You both fed off of each others’ calmness, making you more in control of your powers and him feeling relaxed. One rainy evening, it had happened so fast you didn’t even realize. You realized that you had fallen in love with the lanky blond.

“I know this is a lot to ask of you, and I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think you could handle yourself.” Carlisle had come to you the morning after a big party at their house. 

“What’s happened?” You asked, pouring him a cup of tea. He took it, graciously, but made no move to settle in. 

“We have to fight, and I think you would be very helpful.” He says, avoiding eye contact like a dog who had done something wrong.

“You don’t even have to ask, Carlisle. You know I’d love to help in any way that I can.” You assure him with a smile, though you feel unsure on the inside. 

That’s what brought you to a clearing that you recognize from many games of vampire baseball, staring down at an army of newborn vampires. Jasper, right next to you, held your hand in order to strengthen the emotional connection between the two of you. Of course, that didn’t help you feel calm, because the butterflies surging through your body had the exact opposite effect on you. You take a deep breath, knowing that the vampires will sense you aren’t like them and take you on as an easy target. But they’d be sorely mistaken. As vampires and wolves rushed the newborns, you stayed on the sidelines, only stepping in every so often to stop a newborn in its place if it was gaining on your friends. But when you saw three piled on top of Jasper, you inserted yourself into the battle. 

You threw your hands out, reaching for the organic material- or what was left of it- in the attackers’ body. You pulled it apart like cotton, and they flew up into the air before exploding into a cloud of dust. Jasper got back onto his feet, giving you a gracious nod. You felt lightheaded, but decided to keep going anyway. 

A yelp alerted your attention, and you ran as fast as you could, stopping at an injured wolf. You tried to calm yourself enough to knit the bloody wound back together, then stepping back to let the wolf rejoin the fight. You stood amidst the battle, sending the newborns flying and exploding. Once there were few newborns left, you collapsed to the ground, feeling drained.

You kept drifting in and out of consciousness, but you could tell that you were being carried through the woods by Jasper before blacking out again. The next time you came to, you were lying on a medical cot in what appeared to be Carlisle’s office. 

“Did we win?” You ask weakly, barely strong enough to raise your voice above a whisper. Jasper is quick to grab your hand, and you notice all of the Cullen’s surrounding the bed.

“Oh, good, she’s not dead.” Emmett says, earning a pointed look from Esme. Alice hands you flowers, reminding you of when you first met. 

“You were unconscious, we didn’t know what to do.” Carlisle says.

“I’m fine, I think. I just pushed myself further than I’m used to.” You say, your mind still foggy. Feeling stronger, you push yourself up and give Jasper a kiss on the cheek.

“We’ll give you two some space.” Esme says with a smile, and you blush and lay back down, feeling weak again.

Over the next few days, Jasper helped you regain strength. He sat on your bed with you, reading to you while you lay against him. He was like a calm machine, which helped you recharge even faster. You taught him how to knit, and he recited his favorite poems over and over again (per your demand.) You made him a flower crown and he made you one (with Alice’s help.)

Though the whole vampire battle ordeal wasn’t overly pleasant, it brought you the love of your life, and for that, you couldn’t be more grateful. 

[the-littlefangirl]

TFATWS episode 1 rewatch commentary

The first scene was so beautiful. I loved that we didn't start directly with the fight sequence. It feels way closer to the quiet beginning of CATWS and I love it so much.

The title is also SO NEAT, music's on point too but hey it’s Henry Jackman the one thing I’m sure it’s going to be great overall is the score.

The choreography is AMAZING, really well shot. Sam shielding himself with only one wing was MA-JES-TIC.

“WHAT'S UP” EXACTLY SAM EXACTLY

I did feel so uncomfortable in regards to the military aspect of it. Not that I was expecting anything else, but both here and in Captain Marvel the military we're good guys < 3 propaganda is so blatant and ugh:/ At least there wasn’t a literal recruitment spot like with CM. 

The yellow filter in the Tunisia scene BYE please stop with the yellow filters 2k21

"I've been working with the Air Force for six months now" So, did Sam even catch a break at all after Endgame? Or did he just throw himself to work like SOMEONE did after being iced for 70 years. Hmmm? Sam????

"Essentially, these people, they want a world that's unified without borders" OH NO! HOW AWFUL, how evil of these bad guys smh

Joaquin: SO about Steve

Sam: :)))))) nope

"Moon stuff" SAAAM

#1 cry with Sam's speech, full on chills.. Fuck. Me. His voice about to break before saying thank you bYE.

Shady politician: "It was the right decision" (FUCKKKKK YOUUU)

Rhodey: *press any key to doubt *

I need someone to analyze the different curation of the two exhibits pretty please

NOT THE PHOTO POST-AZZANO JFC. That photo is my weakness, Bucky sweetie (also I find hilarious that usually when there are articles about Stucky and/or #givecaptainamericaaboyfriend they aaaalways use that photo LMAO)

In case someone wants to read the transcription of the texts about Bucky: "In 1944, while on a mission to thwart a Hydra weapon transport in the Alps, Barnes was thrown from a train and believed to have been killed in action. It wasn't until 2014, over seventy years later, that it was revealed that Barnes was alive, having been found by Hydra operatives. Captain America himself (i can't read) the effort to bring Barnes in only to later aid in a escape from custody having been convinced of his innocence. Steve's loyalty to his old friend, coupled with his refusal to sign the Sokovia Accords, led to the dissolution of the Avengers and drove the Captain into hiding with other like-minded Avengers including Natasha Romanoff, Wanda Maximoff, and Sam Wilson. The current whereabouts of Barnes remains unknown, habing been labeled a fugitive following his escape from custody."

"current wherabout unknown" but not the government, interesting. Also, pretty good summary of CACW from the public's perspective, although one of the things I always wanted to see explored was the public's reaction of the fallout of them going into hiding after Civil War (which I'm hoping we'll get to see a little bit of in Black Widow).

Interesting point about the 70 years without having Captain America. Clearly the sacrifice play wasn't enough this time to fuel the nationalism so they went with a squeaky clean John Walker instead.

Sam saying the shield belongs to Steve I'm going to cry now excuse me. Sam. Sam sweetie.

The No. 1 Captain America comic in the display ugH fuck yes

See this is how you do a cameo that has actual meaning. Thank god for Malcolm Spellman being a competent writer. That scene was so well written.

HAVE YOU PRAISED ANTHONY MACKIE'S PERFORMANCE TODAY?? Holy shit that last shot fucked me up.

I'm loving the use of the wide shots, especially in the flashback. The camera movements are in synch with The Soldier's state of mind and mission focus, so good.

EVERYONE STAND UP FOR THE NATIONAL ANTHEM aka The Winter Soldier theme composed by Henry Jackman.

Without a doubt the most brutal TWS fight scene there has been, People involved in Punisher and John Wick are involved in this and it SHOWS. 

For the record, still stands that the only time we've seen him chocking someone with his right hand instead of the metal arm remains the Maria Stark assasination. I know it's probably because of blocking and the way the shot was composed but the implications are still bone chilling. God.

Uhhmmmm I'm very ambivalent about the "Hail Hydra". On one hand, it was 100% fanservice and the internet is probably going to go insane over it, and the dead way Sebastian Stan delivered the line. Good shit. Buuut what I love about CATWS is the way Bucky never, ever ever, mouths Hydra rethoric, and even when Pierce tries to gaslight him with it, it's just an empty effort. The Winter Soldier isn't doing anything because of ideological loyalty to Hydra, even if it's product of brainwashing, it's just sheer dehumanization. They don’t need him to say the words because he’s just An Asset. There are people who have put it more eloquently but yeah, I rather go with the fanon interpretation of that aspect.

The music growing louder with the shot of the keys. GOD.

I'm fine this is fine.

#2 cry with the therapy scene of fucking course.

The government monitoring Bucky is noooot going to end well lmao.

"We need to know that you're not gonna * slowmo stabbing motions *

Bucky: * nodding along slowly * 

I laughed out loud.

"It's passive agressive" I love him.

The way this scene just sucker punched me in the face, made me weep and then had me cracking up. Amazing.

Therapist: You can't do anything illegal

Bucky: yup yup check checkity check. What IS considered illegal tho?

*aggresive tablet finger pressing *

"Then why isn't it rule number one?" Bucky your Steve is showing.

I love the close up shot. I'll keep saying it. It's so good.

"I'm James Bucky Barnes" yeah you are🥺

That smile is nightmare fuel LMFAO I love it.

Uhm the way I'm kinning Bucky it's not funny anymore damn

That whole “are you lashing out at me” rambling is really reminiscent of the bar scene in CATFA and how he lashed out at Steve after Peggy left. Uhm yeah fuck.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" "Peace"

"That is UTTER BULLSHIT" "You're a terrible shrink"

yeah ugly crying to ugly laughing speedrun for me

"You're free" "To do what?" jesus. That entire scene. #3 and #4 and #5 cries for moi.

Ugh that Brooklyn shot. Someone needs to do a gifset compairing it to the one in CATFA asap.

"It's like Monique but it's got a "U" in there for uniqueness" "That's absurd" LMAO

"You can't keep fighting with your neighbors" uHM * redacted redacted i'm shifting into 1940s mode abort abort *

"Nobody passed 90" "So young. Such a shame" FGADHGA

🥺🥺 yes flex those flirting skills good for you

"It's a dance to this things. You can't… you gotta warm up and I haven't danced since 1943. Feels like." #6 cry I completely broke down into tears with that.

This Yori storyline is going to punch me in the face with a metal fist. Great!

The TWS theme when he looks at Yori fuuuuuck.

GREAT LET'S GO TO LOUISIANA THAT WAS GETTING HEAVY.

Those shots of Sam in the car. Immaculate. Showstoping. Yes.

Marvel, what if instead of promoting the military industrial complex you put a lot of publicity about cars?

"Uncle Sam!" LMAO subtle.

Everyone trying to have the wings lmao same.

I've only had Sarah for a day but etc. Brooklyn 99 meme

Good mirroring about Steve and Sam family's legacy. Good shit. Goooood shit.

Sam is trying so hard ouch my heart. I can't imagine how painful the scene with them reuniting must have been. He 100% still feels a lot of guilt about being gone for those 5 years (and even longer before that).

"Maybe it is time for us to move on" uuuuuuuuuuh

"To the rescue" "Always" 🥺🥺 i love them so much already

That shot outside the restaurant is so beautiful. Can't wait to see the night scenes in Madripoor tbh.

"I tried the whole online dating thing. It's pretty crazy". Uhm well that is something that Bucky Barnes has now said. In canon. Damn.

"It's a lot" "You sound like my dad" LMAO

Every Bucky fanfic trope speedrun with this scene

"Wow you really can drink" OH you have no idea

Just realized we don't even know her name, well.

"You have any siblings?" "I have a sister" THE WAY I SCREECHED. We're definitely getting Becca

Well that escalated quickly. The important thing is to try?

I can't deal with this BUCKY SWEETIE #8 cry right there fuck

The wardrobe department is KILLING IT, there's such a difference between the outfits of the shows vs how ugly and generic it usually is.

"ThEre is NO such thiNg as on time. You're either EARLY or LATE . picK One" lmao the way he delivered that line

At first I thought the flag smashers had thrown two cars out of a window LMAO

"I don't know how jurisdiction works here, but I'mma have to place you under arrest" uhm yikes. The way they changed Joaquín Torres backstory to just random army nice guy #1 is not sitting well with me, what can I say.

Sam's wings motions I LOVE HIM YOUR HONOR

Fuuuuck this guy.

"Funny how thing's always thighten around us" "Look, I'm on your side. After all, he's a hero". This script is C R I S P as hell, great fucking job.

"I don't care, I'm not gonna quit" "What are you trying to prove? And who you trying to prove it to" SHIT HSIT SHIT!!! UGH amazing. Look it's not necessary to say the show's questions out loud but how they flow between the conversations is still very satisfactory without feeling in your face about it. Inner conflicts have been set up fucking perfectly everyone * claps *

Ugh here we fucking go.  I knew this was how the episode was going to end but my stomach still dropped like a rollercoster. God.

The score is on point. Damn. Damn.

God, Sam.🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

The captain america franchise's visuals in the credits are always so amazing.

Also, does anybody know why Mackie isn't first in the billing?  Uhm what's that about?

ANYWAY CONCLUSION THAT EPISODE WAS SO FUCKING GOOD LIKE HOLY SHIT. I love them so much. The balance between the personal conflicts and the political aspect (although the military aspect is still very much yikes) was on point and it was overall a joy to watch.

[prorevenge]

Ex-girlfriend had me arrested and contributed to stealing $1000's of dollars from my bank account before I got my retribution.

This is really long but ends with a lot of irony and perfect results.

TL;DR Ex lies and has me arrested because I didn't take her on trip with me. She also destroyed some of my property and possessions while stealing others along with cash and bank card. Prosecutor finds out it's all lies files charges to which she wants me to have dropped. That angers me so I turn over evidence of her other crimes. She goes to jail. Good stuff!!!

About 13 years ago I was in an amazingly toxic relationship, and was completely blindly stupidly in love or so I thought at the time. We had been together about 2 years and had been living together since literally the first night we met. I owned my own home which I worked from and made great money and asked her to quit her job after one too many incidents where she had to deal with a handsy boss. Months into our relationship we rented an apartment out on the beach but I kept my house and we'd go sleep there 2-3 times a month. Since she was looking for a job I told her I would pay our bills while she found and settled into her new job. Her job search lasted about 5 minutes and then she took to hanging out around the house while I worked 15-16 hour days. We spent all day everyday together except for when we would go out to bars together and she'd meet her girlfriends and I'd meet my people's. I got burnt out on work and since I owned my own business I decided I could have my subcontractors do the day to way work and I'd take a year to travel while working remotely 2-3 days a week.

It was around this time I noticed a change in her attitude and our relationship. She became suspicious and accusing me of cheating which was completely unfounded and confusing to me since we were together almost always. Had I listened to those around me I would've put that relationship out of its misery and walked away. However, I decided to try and make her see I wasn't what she thought I was. I obviously see now it was projection and her on concern about being caught sleep around.

We took a year and went all over the US on road trips, going to music festivals, and seeing friends all over the country. We also went to Europe a few times so she got to do and see not just our country but 7 others on my dime while cheating on me but making me feel like the bad guy.

Things would be great while traveling until we were about to land, or just after we got home then she'd pick a fight and I'd go to my house for the night. Our last trip together was to Portland for 10 days in the first week of October. We had a great time and things seemed like the worst was behind us. Boy was I wrong! In our town there's an annual halloween street party. We had each gone for 10+ years before we started dating and every year since we began dating. This particular year I had decided I wanted to go to voodoo festival in New Orleans which is the last week of October and our local shindig is the last Saturday of October. This caused a huge fight between us and I told her I needed a break to assess our relationship. This brought out an evil side in her which I'd never seen. I was shocked and wasn't going to tolerate it. I packed my bags and went to the airport and caught my flight to NO. I got there the day before the festival started and went and gambled and did my tourist obligations on Bourbon Street. That evening I was missing her so I booked her a ticket and tried calling her but got no answer. I texted her and let her know that a ticket was at the airport and a car would be waiting to bring her to my hotel but still got no response. Hours after I called her she drunkenly calls me screaming about how she knew I had one of my whores with me on this trip. She went on for 20 min before I told her to forget the ticket and to fuck off at this point I was 100% done. At that point she asked what ticket because she hadn't seen the text (flip phones were the worst for that reason) but it was too late in my book. For her to think I was that type of person and the seriously personal attacks she launched into let me know there was nothing left to salvage. Before hanging up I told her when I returned I would be moving out of the apartment and I would no longer be paying for everything so she had a week to make arrangements.

Because we were living together she had access to the spare key to my house I kept in our apartment. She went to my house and dumped bleach all over my clothing and my sneaker collection. That there would be enough for me to murder her if I wasn't a decent person. She also stole 300+ records and my spare bank card plus the $10,000 I kept for emergencies (bail money) in a safe hidden in my closet. This was an intelligent woman but her thinking during her little crime spree wouldn't indicate that. Instead of using the bank card herself she gave it to a friend of hers and they spent over $3500 on purchases and withdrew $5500 from my savings. I only found it was happening because my bank called and wondering why my card was being used in 2 separate states minutes or hours apart in the same day. I shut the card off and filed fraud claims and put her out of my mind for the rest of the week while having a blast. Festival was great and had a great time hanging out drinking, drugging, gambling, and partying while in New Orleans. The festival ended Sunday and I flew home the following Tuesday. I come off the jetway into the terminal and am met by two detectives. They ask my name and I of course started answering all their questions. Within 5 minutes I'm in handcuffs and being led away for felony domestic violence, terroristic threats, burglary, assault, and criminal mischief.

I had left on my trip on a Friday afternoon. That next day is when I sent her the ticket and we had that blowout where I ended it. She called the police and told them we were fighting and I came to her house and she wouldn't let me in, so I threw a brick through her sliding glass door. Once in then I started to strangle her and one of girlfriends tried to stop me and I punched and beat her up. She told the police I fled to New Orleans. (The level of crazy here is beyond scary she staged a break in by smashing a door in our apartment, had hand marks on her neck to be photographed, and the other girl had a split lip...all faked) The police somehow got my flight info but didn't bother to check that I wasn't even in town when all this allegedly happened. I went to jail and bonded out ($35,000 bond) and had to hire an attorney. Based on charges filed I was looking at 12 years now that's what I would've served but still scary AF. I knew I could prove where I was so wasn't overly concerned. However it cost me $3500 for bond and $10,000 on an attorney. I got my $3,5000 back when my case was dropped. After getting out of jail I went to the airport to get my car and she had slit all 4 tires on my car leaving the pearl handled switch blade I bought her as a gift in the last tire.

My attorney gets all my travel documents to the prosecutor and the charges are dropped. I was going to let the rest of the shit go and be done with her. Honestly if losing that money meant I'd never have to see or deal with her again I would've paid double. The prosecutor was pissed and filed charges on both my ex the other girl who lied to police. At this point he didn't know about the fraud complaint from the money stolen from me. Again I was going to just let it go until my ex called me. She tried apologizing by saying she was sorry she had to do all the stuff because I told her I never wanted to see or speak to her again while in New Orleans. By doing those things she felt it would get my attention is the way she put it. I told her she was a spiteful bitch and karma would run over some day. Her response was I was spiteful for leaving her and going on the trip without her. My last words to her that I would be very spiteful and her oncoming karma rolled into one. Because I had texts asking her about the damage done in my home and the missing $10k/bank card and the money spent in which she admitted all of it I turned those over to the prosecutor. He filed theft, burglary, identity theft, misuse of credit card, and about 4 other charges on her. She had a key but no permission to be in my house so the burglary charge stuck and so did 5 of the other charges. She got 6 years and did 3. Once out I would see her when I was out because she has always bartended or been a waitress. Over a three year period I saw her working at 5 places. At all 5 I notified the manager or owner that she was thief not to trusted and gave them just enough info to see she was a felon. She lost those 5 jobs. After that she moved away. Last I heard she lived in Chicago. Feel sorry for whatever person this parasite is currently attached to.

Crazy Psycho = 0 Me = 1

(source) story by (/u/Burnvictim49percent)

[theyearoftheking]

Book Seventy-Nine: If It Bleeds

“There’s an underlying truth in it which I believe you will grasp even at your current age Films are ephemeral, while books- the good ones- are eternal, or close to it. You have read me many good ones, but others are waiting to be written.” 

This is it... the second to last book in the challenge. I’m really dragging my feet reading Later (although it is a spectacular book). But this challenge is over, and I don’t know what I’m going to do. I have a ton of books on my shelves and Kindle to read, and writing that needs to be done (characters are all but screaming for me to come back to them); but this project really gave me purpose in a rudderless time. 

I had started this project as a fun conversation piece, but quickly turned into something bigger. During quarantine, this challenge gave me a purpose. I’d challenge myself to read one hundred pages a day, and remind myself to drink water between chapters. Sometimes writing these posts dragged me out of bed. In winter months I’m extremely agoraphobic, and it’s tough for me to leave the house some days. And other days it’s all I can do to wash and brush my hair. Mental health is a bitch, sometimes. But I didn’t mean to make this about me... although I’m sure some of my readers can relate, a lot of us took a hit to the mental health during 2020. While I will look back on quarantine fondly (it gave me excuses not to leave the house, or change out of my pajamas), my mental health will not. But just as it’s time to leave the house, I suppose it’s also time to start focusing on new projects once this one is complete. I have no idea what that will look like. Maybe I’ll start with Steve’s movies. Maybe I’ll re-read Joe Hill. Who knows. But I do know I’m going to indulge in some trashy fiction reading. 

Ok! 

If It Bleeds is a collection of three novellas, and a Holly Gibney story. I shouldn’t discount the other three stories: they’re extremely well written, and thought provoking. But the real star of the book is the Holly story. 

The first story, Mr. Harrigan’s Phone turns grief on it’s ear. A lot of people call their loved one’s cellphones after they pass... they want that experience of hearing their voice just one more time. But what happens when the phone is buried with your loved one and continues to ring? And what if you get a text from them after their death? It’s a sweet story, with your typical Steve twist. 

The second story, The Life of Chuck is told backwards, and “contains multitudes”. It also has a post-apocalyptic vibes, with California falling into the ocean, and the Midwest burning. It also has college kids storming the White House looking for answers, which is just another example of Steve predicting the future. 

Steve was inspired by a random billboard that read, “Thanks Chuck!” along with a guys picture and “39 Great Years”. Again, something mundane with a great Steve twist. He’s proven this is his sweet spot. 

The third story is If It Bleeds, which picks up almost immediately where The Outsider left off. There’s a tragic bombing that takes place inside an elementary school, and Holly can’t stop watching the television news reports. There’s something tickling at her brain, and she can’t figure out what it is. 

Eventually we find out there are more monsters like the one Holly killed in The Outsider. Jerome makes the best comparison, and says evil is like a bird that randomly flies from person to person, infecting them as it goes. There’s one section of the book when a character refers to the monster as, “It”. So it makes you wonder if this is one big tie-in, where we find out Holly is killing pieces of the monster that plagued Derry for so long. 

The mystery itself is secondary to Holly’s larger-than-life character. She is dealing with family issues; her Trump-supporting mom needs Holly’s help putting her uncle in a care facility, and Holly is struggling to cut herself out of the co-dependent relationship she has with her mother. But Holly has grown. She knows her worth, and she doesn’t let people talk down to her anymore. Her evolution is best described as, “Holly would do well to remember...who she is. Not the child who nibbled Mr. Rabbit Trick’s ears. Not the adolescent who threw up her breakfast most days before school. She  is the woman who, along with Bill and Jerome, saved those children at the Midwest Culture and Arts Complex. She is the woman who survived Brady Hartsfield. The one who faced another monster in a Texas cave. The girl who hid in this room and never wanted to come out is gone.” 

The final story is Rat. And I’m just going to tell you... an actual rat quoting Jonathan Franzen is perfect. He’s problematic enough to be an actual rodent. Yeah, I’m going to say it. The Corrections was absolute garbage, and I don’t know why it was lauded the way it was. He’s a condescending misogynist and he’s not nearly as good a writer as he thinks he is... says the girl writing a blog on her Stephen King musings. But whatever! I own what I’m doing, and the significance of it.

I will gladly re-read all of Steve’s books again before picking up another Jonathan Franzen book. If you want to dive into all the reasons he’s disgusting, this Bustle article will explain it to you. Like, legit explain it. Not mansplain it. 

Anyway, Rat explores why it’s not a great idea to make deals with rodents during major weather events. And when you’re at your isolated cabin and a major snowstorm is on the way- heed your wife’s advice and come back to civilization. 

This collection included plenty of Constant Reader mentions:

Derry

Shawshank Prison

Castle Rock

Gunslinger

It was an excellent collection, and I can’t get enough Holly. Steve talked about how she started out as a small, minor character and her presence just grew and grew. I don’t know about the rest of the Constant Readers, but I’d totally read another Holly book. Hell, I’ll take a whole series at this point. 

So, my final book is Later. I’ve got about 100 pages left to read and then that’s it... until April. 

Total Wisconsin Mentions: 48

Total Dark Tower References: 76

Book Grade: A+

Rebecca’s Definitive Ranking of Stephen King Books

Doctor Sleep: A+

The Talisman: A+

Wizard and Glass: A+

11/22/63: A+

Mr. Mercedes: A+

End of Watch: A+

Under the Dome: A+

Needful Things: A+

On Writing: A+

The Green Mile: A+

Hearts in Atlantis: A+

Full Dark, No Stars: A+

The Outsider: A+

The Bazaar of Bad Dreams: A+

If It Bleeds: A+

Just After Sunset: A+

Rose Madder: A+

Misery: A+

Different Seasons: A+

It: A+

Four Past Midnight: A+

Stephen King Goes to the Movies: A+

The Shining: A-

The Stand: A-

Finders Keepers: A-

Bag of Bones: A-

Duma Key: A-

Black House: A-

The Institute: A-

The Wastelands: A-

The Drawing of the Three: A-

The Dark Tower: A-

Dolores Claiborne: A-

Blaze: B+

Hard Listening: B+

Revival: B+

Nightmares in the Sky: B+

The Dark Half: B+

Joyland: B+

Skeleton Crew: B+

The Dead Zone: B+

Nightmares & Dreamscapes: B+

Wolves of the Calla: B+

‘Salem’s Lot: B+

Song of Susannah: B+

Carrie: B+

Creepshow: B+

From a Buick 8: B

The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon: B

Sleeping Beauties: B-

The Colorado Kid: B-

Storm of the Century: B-

Everything’s Eventual: B-

Cycle of the Werewolf: B-

The Wind Through the Keyhole: B-

Danse Macabre: B-

The Running Man: C+

Cell: C+

Thinner: C+

Dark Visions: C+

The Eyes of the Dragon: C+

The Long Walk: C+

The Gunslinger: C+

Pet Sematary: C+

Firestarter: C+

Rage: C

Desperation: C-

Insomnia: C-

Cujo: C-

Nightshift: C-

Faithful: D

Gerald’s Game: D

Roadwork: D

Lisey’s Story: D

Christine: D

Dreamcatcher: D

The Regulators: D

The Tommyknockers D

Until next time, Long Days & Pleasant Nights, Rebecca

[bad-days-are-ok]

4/23/2021

Brain dump 🧠

I’m getting my little sister ready for school right now. I have work later tonight. I think I’m getting a bit of a cold because my throat feels all weird and I feel all congested and shit. My nose won’t stop running either I took some Benadryl so hopefully that helps. As soon as Katie’s done getting ready I’m gonna walk her to school. I have a cold sore on my chin right now :(( which really sucks it’s so itchy and just uncomfortable and I ran out of my cold sore medicine too. Which sucks even more because that was helping me not notice it as much. I feel meh today. I’m alright though. Just been in my head a lot. Thinking about life and everything I’ve had going on. I haven’t talked to Damian in a little over 2 months which is a little weird since we talked everyday for the past 5 years but it’s not as hard as I thought it was going to be. It’s more like wow I wonder how you’re doing type of thing but I’m not gonna talk to him there isn’t anything for me to say. He’s living his life I’m living mine that’s what we need to be doing. Things with Rolando have been good still talking and hanging out we went on a date the other day to the flower fields which was really fun I had a really good time with him. I’m thinking of going back to school in the Fall I need to start working on my education again. I made a class plan of the classes I need / want to take. I just need to check and see what they have available. Turns out I’m not gonna be able to see my therapist anymore I lost my insurance that she was under and I can’t see her anymore they approved me for 6 visits but I guess we’ve used them all already so I really have nothing. It really sucks honestly I really love going to her and I’ve been seeing her since I was 17. I wasn’t planning on not seeing her anymore til like the far future so it’s all just really unexpected and I’m honestly trying not to think about it all to much 🤪 it’s fine I suppose maybe once I start seeing someone new they can teach me things I would’ve have been able to learn with my current therapist. Maybe I’ll make more progress more than I could’ve ever imagined. Who knows I’m sure it’ll be trial and error finding another therapist I like and who fits me well. I got paid yesterday and I literally only have $100 left I paid all the bills I had left for the month and now I gotta make that last me two weeks til next payday 🤷‍♀️ it’s fine I’m used to being broke if I feel okay enough tomorrow I’m gonna try to pick up but that’s if I’m not getting sick I’ve been trying to work 3 days a week so I can make some more money so far I have 2 days this week. Alright timers done. I hope you all have an amazing day today be safe and be kind to one another ✨✨