#i cried with almost all of these but I'll blame it on my period

[soephiphany]

Hi :)

I wanted to start here by giving you some fic recs of some of my fav stories/mostly drabbles I've read here.

How I'm a slut for fluff, there'll be a lot of it, like, A LOT.

Favs of all : 🌼

Let me get started with the whole reason why I downloaded this app (I'm serious)

And also my boy Yoongi

The love of my life :

I actually started reading this at Wattpad and got so addicted that i needed more. Now I just can't stop thinking about it and everything i do reminds me of it. Yes. I'm yoongi biased (actually Yoonjin). 🌼

I actually don't know if I recommend some of if or just the whole page :/ everything it's just so beautiful lol I'll just rec my favs :)

Prepare yourself to suffer :

(i don't think I'll ever be able to look at rain in the same way. I highly agree it's cloud piss)

This one actually made me cry, it's so sweet. 🌼

This is CANDY SWEET. I love you @indgio, i love you lol

Okay. Here's more Yoongi stuff cause I'm whipped.

🌼

https://at.tumblr.com/poutyniall/i-was-thinking-about-how-yoongis-first-i-love/bdcy7bjab4ew

https://at.tumblr.com/your-daily-biaswrecking/yoongi-is-cooking-but-when-yn-comes-home-she/ja0kv6uny3ys 🌼

https://at.tumblr.com/ijungkooki/day-2-yoongiswitching-places/ny5f0p8u0dkg

https://at.tumblr.com/bluewhale52/almost/y5ce8kgs0fbq

https://at.tumblr.com/poutyniall/i-can-see-yoongi-as-the-type-of-boyfriend-to-in/odvl5fyz4052

https://at.tumblr.com/jjkeverlast/colorful-lines-myg/gaf8tgvj6t8b

https://at.tumblr.com/norcula/a-drabble-series-involving-min-yoongi-and/jtvv1yk9yhmn 🌼

https://at.tumblr.com/yoongiphoria/sweet-toothache-myg/mzzf51zak4ih

https://at.tumblr.com/indgio/1643-myg-yoongi-cant-help-the-smile-that/peeguu80eyy9 🌼

https://at.tumblr.com/kookiesbuckethat/yoongi-x-freader-genre-angst-to-fluff/h8m5nexhz3a1

https://at.tumblr.com/namfinessed/genre-major-angst-fluff-second-chance-romance/0gcij73hmj0n

https://at.tumblr.com/blue-jisungs/poor-kitty/3q79j8mdd9wu 🌼

https://at.tumblr.com/eoieopda/can-i-request-a-drabble-with-darksidedyoongi/t1fedf3mf9zf

https://at.tumblr.com/herecomesjoon/a-lovely-thing-to-wake-up-to-this-is-very-sweet/ng38zcxflff2

https://at.tumblr.com/justanotherstarlightmonger/ice-cream-makes-everything-better-myg/5y9881zdqlxm

(i relate a lot to this one, since i have migraines)

https://at.tumblr.com/sailoryooons/hi-for-your-writng-event-id-like-to-request-a/7vypphp1hs2f

https://at.tumblr.com/kooksbunnnn/helping-hands-min-yoongi/p1ixviegnkth 😳

https://at.tumblr.com/champagneher/midnight-kiss-min-yoongi-based-on-them/7k7scbx7nv

https://at.tumblr.com/yoonlattesworld/purity/5fwfb2swa1ux 🌼🌼🌼

https://at.tumblr.com/yoonlattesworld/having-a-bad-anxiety-attack-while-yoongi-holds-you/m31dbzqmdibl

https://at.tumblr.com/yoonlattesworld/his-world/tqqfdz999v6f

https://at.tumblr.com/parkdatjimin/i-finally-have-my-request-what-about-ancient/xttd74l2xrg3 🌼

https://at.tumblr.com/aphrodijin/swing-life-away-min-yoongi/oaq9s6tj3u8u 🌼

https://at.tumblr.com/jjkeverlast/unexpected-lovers-myg/eqqmw26aq5sl 🌼

(This was way much prettier, i promise. It's just the third time I'm doing it, so my small patience is running out)

NOW... (for the third time) I'll recommend some profiles i LOVE

@indgio love you

@jjkgyu i love their reacts so much

@bangtan-sonyeonddaeng i highly recommend this for the ppl who like BTS reacts

@jjkeverlast yeah. Just yeah. I don't really know what to say lol ... Borahae haahah

@personasintro MIMI HAS MY SOUL.

And last but really not least: @onlyswan ... They have me entire heart for themselves. Thank you, just ... Thank you lol. I love SO much their drabbles and they make me so happy and comforted. I slept at 2am yesterday cause I couldn't stop reading fluffy Jungkook lmao

Well... Guess this is it (and i really hope this time Tumblr helps me ;-;) this was basically me being a simp for the boys, mostly Yoongi ahahaha

Enjoy these Yoongi, (a little bit of) OT7, and the biggest bias wrecker of my life: Jeon Jungkook:))

That's it! I hope you enjoy these stories as much as i did ☺️

See you next time <3

- Soo Soo 🌼

[nembzz]

❤️🥲

[tarisilmarwen]

Rebels Rewatch: "Steps Into Shadow"

Everything is all shaken up for Season Three, let's go.

So I know I said I really like it when shows change up the Status Quo but...

Some of the changes took a bit of getting used to in Season Three. I'll admit it.

(It's the hair, Ezra's hair took getting used to, I believe my exact reaction was, "Nooooooo not the cute shaggy shonen protagonist hair!" I'm okay with it now and it's hella easier to draw but it was a bit of a mourning period.)

So! Season Three begins six months after the end of Season Two. Everyone has had a cosmetic upgrade. They're all older. Ezra is seventeen. *cries*

Ezra had his seventeenth birthday offscreen while he and Kanan were not on speaking terms.

*sobbing forever*

Anyway we open In Media Res with the Spectres (minus Kanan) pulling off a jailbreak.

Oh it is absolutely not a coincidence that our first sight of Ezra this season has him bathed in shadow.

Sabine and Ezra casually bantering mid-mission and Ezra being seamlessly badass. <3

That cute little fond smile of Ezra's when he sees Hondo. T_T

Ohhhh I remember when people were freaking out over just how casually Ezra shoots this Stormtrooper with a blaster very obviously not set to stun. It's such a contrast from "Stealth Strike" in which he promises not to hurt any of them. He's taken some parts of Maul's words to heart, sadly, and now he's acting like a proper soldier in a war.

Ouch.

Don't mind me appreciating Ezra and Sabine's brief battle tag-teaming moment here.

As if the Luke parallels were not strong enough, Ezra's new lightsaber--after a harrowing fight against Darth Vader in which he lost his other one--is green. And sue me, I love his green lightsaber, it's my favorite.

Also a big fan of how Ezra demolishes this whole hallway of Stormtroopers by himself. He doesn't even blink.

"Is that really Ezra?" "Most of the time." The meaning behind this exchange is ambiguous and there are plural interpretations. I think Sabine is referring to how utterly serious he is, no stopping, no delays, all-business. We only really saw him banter and smile with the others when on their way in, once the reinforcements arrived it was all go time.

It really isn't Ezra's fault that Terba got killed. But Ezra's Hero Complex, Guilt Complex, and sense of hyper-responsibility are all colliding and making him take the blame on himself for not having complete 100% control of the situation, also why he snaps at Hera later for griping about just that.

Never not gonna love Ezra as leader with Sabine as his competent lieutenant. <3

The Force Theme goes creepily off-tune here. This is NOT a Jedi Mind Trick. This is Force Dominate and yes, it is a Dark Side power.

This scene is deliberately uncomfortable. It's almost like possession, like Ezra using the AT-DP pilot like a meat puppet.

Sabine looking Very Concerned as she watches what Ezra does here. :)

There's just a moment where they hold on the shots of the AT-DP's legs and Ezra's feet, juuuuuuust to give you enough time to comprehend the horror.

"When did Kanan teach you that?" There's just a smidge of discomfort in Sabine's voice here, she knows full well that's not something normal.

Ezra's "I did what I had to do." here is a bit needlessly defensive, Hera didn't offer any commentary in judgement at all, he's just instinctively already verbally flinching about it because he knows it was wrong.

We can already see the effects of Malachor on Ezra, he's angrier than usual and bristles at Hera's criticism.

"Ah the fiery spirit of youth, eh?" "It's not all bad." Hera looks so SAD here. :( There's so much unspoken sorrow. You can hear a certain frustration and helplessness.

Cut to Ezra having the expected angst session in his room. The holocron, sensing his anger, lights up, making his cadet helmet (the one Sabine painted for him, that's supposed to represent a sense of safety) look creepily demonic.

"You can see things clearly your friends cannot." Ohhhhh you absolute bitch, that specific turn of phrase is meant to dig at Ezra's guilt over Kanan's blindness isn't it? Ezra even repeats it. "They can't see..." This scene here, his speech, is the lynchpin of his entire experiment with the Dark Side; his guilt over Malachor is eating him up and like Anakin before him he's resolved to never let it happen again. So he must become stronger, more powerful. His fear of further loss--his attachment--is leading him down the same dangerous path.

It hurts so good, it's such good angst.

THERE SHE IS, MY FAVORITE FABULOUS BITCH.

She's awful. I love her. <3

The entire crew being so Done with Hondo lol.

Heeeeeeey remember how I talked about how a large part of Rebels the show is how the Ghost crew in particular helps put the Alliance together piece by piece, ship by ship?

Yeah these are the Y-wings that take part in the Battle of Yavin.

Sato promoting Ezra, awwwww. The sheer respect these two have now. Sabine and Zeb are very happy for him and Hera says Kanan would be too and ow ow ow the lined hurt in Ezra's face when he points out that Kanan is never around anymore.

The man himself has grown a Sadness!Beard and is in such inner turmoil that it's woken the Bendu, whose voice we hear calling to him.

I really feel for Hera, trying to mediate between her two Jedi, who are both hurting and both avoiding each other, the frustration and anguish she must feel.

Perhaps nudged by her words Kanan does try to pay Ezra a visit to talk... aaaaaaaand immediately discovers the open holocron.

Ohhh this conversation hurts. Ezra's so angry and hurt by Kanan seemingly abandoning him and all Kanan can think about is protecting him from the holocron's influence and he must feel like such a failure as a teacher, especially when Ezra yells about how he doesn't need Kanan.

:((((

Rebels says vehicle registrations and tolls are tyranny lol.

Right so, mistake number one: Running instead of playing cool. The Alliance does have a small amount of funds and they could easily forge a ship registration. Give the Mining Guild fake credentials, pay the fee, and they could have bought enough time to deflect suspicion for an hour maybe.

Yeah the krykna aren't any less creepy.

Hi Bendu!

The Bendu is an interesting addition to the lore. He seems in the vein of the Mortis Gods, an ancient entity in tune with the Force, though the normal rules of such don't apply to him. He's a neutral party, possibly representative of the spirit of nature, which is neither Light nor Dark it just is. His True Neutral alignment would later be challenged by Kanan but for now he seems a helpful ally, offering to assist Kanan learn how to "see" through the Force. (I do like to joke that he's trying to get all the Force noise to calm down so he can go back to sleep.)

Mixed feelings on how Kanan's blindness is handled. Would have liked to see more of a recovery/coping arc, but a lot of the little subtle hints and nods they do in later episodes are really effective at showing how he's adapted. And then there are the odd moments where Rebels writers forget he's blind entirely. So there's some room for improvement.

Also he should have been allowed to make some blind jokes. DON'T @ ME THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN HILARIOUS.

Ezra: "No witnesses! 😠" Sabine: "Dude WTF?" Love how even though his Dark Side tendencies concern and worry her she's not afraid to push back at him.

Kanan assumes the "source of unbalance" he's carrying is the Sith holocron and confesses his fears that it's corrupting Ezra. The Bendu claims, "An object cannot make you good or evil.", explaining how it's one's mindset that determines that.

Which I mean, point, buuuuuuuut this is also a fictional universe in which the traces of Sith ghosts stuck in soul jars can literally possess you sooooo...

Anyway the scenes of Bendu teaching Kanan how to "see" through the Force are amazing. 10/10 no complaints. Will comment on things as I go just to point them out.

For starters, how about the panic and fear in Kanan when Bendu destroys the sensor beacon? And his angry hopeless, "I can't see anything! Not anymore."?

MEANWHILE WITH THE IMPERIAL DOOM SQUAD:

*ANGELIC CHORUS*

Hello my favorite blue bastard.

The first hint of Kallus's changed allegiance is here with this vaguely accusatory comment about civilian deaths outnumbering insurgent deaths at Batonn, which Thrawn was promoted for. Pryce calls them "acceptable margins". Timothy Zahn would later reveal in the first new canon Thrawn book that it was her who detonated the bombs that killed everyone. For the moment I will refrain from commenting on his concerning habit of retconing things to absolve Thrawn of anything bad ever and just respond with the appropriate amount of disgust at Pryce.

Always loved the cool effect where everything except Thrawn's red eyes fade out.

Mistake number two: Not calling Hera to tell her, "Hey the Empire is scrapping the bombers literally as we speak." and asking for advice. Hera probably would have consulted Sato and the combined brainpower could have come up with a better plan than "Charge in recklessly and scoop them up against orders without further observation or research."

Even Rex, who backs Ezra up later, thinks they should tell Hera about it first.

"That's an order!" Ouch, Ezra, that is the most insensitive thing you could have said to a former clone trooper.

Ezra's need for control over every possible variant situation (to prevent himself from suffering further loss) is actively making things worse for the mission, not better. He is showing a distinct lack of trust in the command structure, and an almost possessive need to keep his team safe and under his direction.

No one comments on his bossing them around though, not even Sabine, and into the maelstrom they go.

Hi Brom Titus!

Rex still showing a very slight deathseeker tendency.

Sabine's been taking notes from Hera on flying a ship with no power, clearly, lol.

This cue right here is going to come back later in the climax of the episode. The frantic rapid percussion definitely gives off the feel of "falling".

Love Melch feigning a malfunction he fits right in with Han "slight weapons malfunction" Solo lol.

Sabine sounds tired and exasperated when she points out the fighters won't have any fuel. I can only imagine the kind of impulsive, reckless, rash leadership decisions she's had to put up with from Dark Side Depression!Ezra for the past few months.

Rex is supportive tho. <3

Bendu going through Kanan's other senses methodically to help him relearn how to navigate. <3

Kanan foresensing the danger Ezra's going to be in from across the galaxy and freaking out about it. <3

I'll be honest I don't quite understand this philosophical mumbo-jumbo but whatever it works, Kanan's got his mojo back and is going to go get his padawan.

Ohhhhhh oh I know this cue right here has been used before, dammit where was it used before?

Hang on... I think it's Kanan's theme?

*goes back to check "Stealth Strike"* No, not there. Ugh, this is gonna bug me.

*checks YouTube* It IS Kanan's theme! Holy crap.

Sabine does not have a good time of it against this Dismantler droid. Zeb's prehensile feet save the day, though. Always love when they get to use those.

Worried Ezra be worried. <3

Ezra's strained "Oh shit it's mom." tone here lol.

Recall what I said back in "Fire Across The Galaxy" about how the Rebellion will always pull your fat out of the fire even if you've been stupid? Yeah.

Hera's face when she sees Kanan sitting in the co-pilot chair. <333333

Rex, ah... may not be all mentally here I think the Dismantler droid is bringing up some unpleasant memories.

The subtle symbolism continues!

This exchange is hilarious. "Yeah, get ready for another demotion." Lol Ezra.

Ezra considers the dilemma for half a second and then chooses violence. Mistake three.

Chopper pitches a fit about getting in a Y-wing. Given that he was shot down in one, that's understandable.

This fond smile and headshake at Hondo. <3

Mistake four, not checking to see if the Y-wings had hyperdrives before taking off.

Always love it when one of the kids uses Zeb's "Karabast!" He's a bad influence on them lol.

All of Ezra's previous bad decisions culminate here, he's stranded on a collapsing station, unable to contact help, and the last thing he heard from Sabine was that the Empire was there. It's not any wonder he's practically breaking down in tears.

"This is wrong, it's all gone wrong!" Well, that's what happens when you choose all the Dark Side options, Ezra. Should have kept a save point.

:((((((

Taylor's acting here is amazing, Ezra sounds SO lost and scared and desperate and he just wants Kanan to be there.

A bold and serious "Shenanigans" cue as Phoenix Group blazes in to the rescue. <3

And there's that cue that I told y'all would be coming back. :)

This sequence is perfection. Ezra clinging to the station as it falls, Hera flying with such microprecision she misses all the debris flaking off of it, the rushing wind, the music...

Ezra's shock when he hears Kanan's voice.

KANAN BATHED IN WHITE LIGHT REACHING OUT TO EZRA AS HE AND THE STATION PLUMMET INTO THE ABYSS.

THE RETURN OF THE ARC WORDS, "I'VE GOT YOU."

THE SOUND DROPPING OUT AS THE FORCE THEME PLAYS SOFTLY AND KANAN TELLS EZRA TO LET GO.

EZRA TRUSTING KANAN, LETTING GO, AND LETTING THE WIND CARRY HIM WITHIN REACH.

Cinematic poetry. <333333333

Hera smiled at first when Kanan told her he'd gotten Ezra buuuuut she's pissed now about the Phantom lol.

Pryce's shade at Konstantine, ha ha.

Thrawn sounded so disappointed too, almost sulky. "That's not the Rebel fleet!" 😠

Major "mom grounding her rebellious teenager" vibes. Love that Zeb and Sabine stick up for him.

Dodonna namedrop!

I know some people wanted a bit more out of Ezra's flirtations with the Dark Side but personally I think it's fitting that as soon as Kanan and Ezra bury the hatchet he never touches it again. The major impetus behind his running to the holocron was Kanan's distance from him, reinforcing all the self-negative beliefs Ezra had about the whole situation--that it was his fault Kanan was blind, that Kanan blamed him, that he wasn't a worthy student, that he couldn't rely on anyone but himself to get strong enough to protect the people he cared about, that he needed the holocron and the Dark Side to get that strength.

And you'll notice he doesn't quite swear off the thing entirely, he asks after it both here and in the beginning of the next episode, a bit like an addict antsy for their next fix.

(No, fandom, Kanan's "I'll always come back." here was not secret foreshadowing that the writers failed to follow up on in Season Four, it was a straightforward sentiment in the moment.)

This is a heartwarming sight. <3

This... is my favorite of the season premieres. For obvious reasons.

Once again the main strength is the focus on Kanan and Ezra's fractured relationship as it pieces back together. The action is tightly written and every single element serves its purpose. It's funny, dramatic, heartbreaking...

I don't really have any other words, this episode is just amazing.

[ashs-reverie]

25th April - 19 Days until Finals

I'm officially under the 20 day mark now so the anxiety will creep in soon :|

I didn't study at all yesterday bcs i got my period and the cramps were shitty as hell :/ Also, cried a couple gallons i blame hormones :)

I watched 6 eps of Luke Cage. Today is almost the same as yesterday, still cramps but i think i'll manage to study a bit.

Also does everyone get anxious when relatives are gonna come over or is it just me? 😭

Ya'll have a great day 💖

[carusoaids]

Taking a break

Hi.

I want to announce that I'll be off Tumblr for an indefinite amount of time.

I don't make this decision lightly. I created this blog at the beginning of the week with the intention of promoting campaigns and replying to all the people who had reached me out before. My goal was to have them answered by the end of the week. Sunday has come and that is not the case. I want to apologize.

As I've mentioned before, I got sick for a couple of days. Especifically with gastritis due to a great amount of stress from issues stemming from my personal life and the medicine's patent of my anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. I was nauseous, fatigued, barely able to eat, barely able to stand still and suffering from constant headaches and stomaches. You may think I'm exaggerating, but I've suffered on-and-off gastrointestinal problems since I was 18 entirely because of stress. It is something I have to keep in check.

Originally, I wanted to take a break to reorganize my life, as I've been doing so many things in such a short amount of time. But I decided to come back as I didn't want to leave the people I've been in contact and fail the people who have reached out to ask for my help.

While I don't completely regret it, it wasn't the best decision for me, my mind or my body. I feel like I've delayed my recovery by spending almost all of my day here, trying to do my best under a lot of fatigue and pain. I'm doing better, but now I've been suffering from insomnia, as my brain won't shut off after logging out, and gotten constant headaches for looking at the screen for extended periods of time. I've sacrificed physical movement to sit in a chair for hours just writing posts and responding to messages.

i don't say this to blame anybody, it was my mistake not establishing clear cut boundaries and enforcing them. I'm telling you this to make you understand the level of stress I've been going through. Genuinely, I don't even enjoy logging here or on insta.

I haven't had the time or energy to draw and do things for myself other than playing some games. I don't even feel comfortable logging to check my art blog because I'll know I'll get bombarded with messages asking for help.

I would like to state that my art blog is a place for me, where I can be myself. It is a space for all the topics I want to tackle, not just political, activism or mutual aid related. Please do not try to contact me there to circumvent my closed askbox and messages in my other blogs, I find it very disrespectful and I will not reply to you (the exception are people I've kept in contact and community organizers).

I'm feeling defeated, depressed...I cried on thursday night because I felt so guilty feeling this way. It feels lonely logging here. I don't have anyone to talk to, to rely on or to ask for help when I'm feeling this way. I only have my friends who are not on this platforms.

i apologize for making this so sentimental, but I'm at my limit. I'm tired and hurt.

I everything goes well, I'll be doing some activism work irl in a couple of weeks. It's still unconfirmed, so I will not get ahead of myself. But if it happens, it'll be hard to juggle my community care and mutual aid efforts online and my activities offline. So, I'd rather put my energy there for the time being.

i hope to return rejuvenated and full of energy. See you and take care.

[slashersangel]

god, you're my favorite writer ♡♡ stay that way 😢❤❤

Can i pwease request something? First, i want a hug :D and second..I wish to request a fluffy headcanons for a poly!lost boys for when the reader is on her period and she just becomes very sensitive, she can't handle being yelled at or anything aggressive/rough and she just..bawls, cries her eyes out and she is constantly wanting attention (u can also include michael if u want bc he pretty boy and im a simp 🙄)

You can also do them separately if you wish, I don't mind. I'll be a very happy person regardless :0 bc ur perfect owo ♡♡

I’ll give you ask many hugs you want, thank you so much😭😭 and if this isn’t me literally everyday not just on my period 😫🤚 michael is such a pretty boy you’re 100% right to simp

and so sorry this took so long, i just got a new job and i’m sooo tired! but i’m fine now

Ploy!Lost Boys with a sensitive s/o

• let’s say it was the first time with them dealing with your period, they were concerned when they smelt blood all over you, queue all four of them (mikey doesn’t have the strong sense of smell yet so he doesn’t know what’s going on) checking for any wounds, cuts, scraps, bruising, anything, Paul even tries to look under your clothes before Dwayne stopped him, but that was just mostly for personal reasons.

• Once you explained they all collectively said “oh.” Paul had to be clued in a bit more but thats okay, at least your pretty Paulie<3

• you were walking with Marko and David to go get some food, since David had the money and Marko just wanted to be with you cause you smelled so much like blood good. You were falling a bit behind because of your cramps, that’s when someone bumped into you, knocking their drink into themselves.

• The person of course, blamed it all on you and started yelling at you to which your eyes teared up at. David and Marko noticed. They both stepped in front of you, Marko was ready to swing and he almost did as he and David told the person off, male or female, his hands are rated e for everyone

• but, when they heard you sniffle, they turn around and see tears brimming in your eyes, almost falling out. You didn’t want to cry in front of the small crowd you’ve attracted, so you tugged on David’s sleeve, not trusting yourself to not break down in sobs when you try and speak

• Marko and David quickly knew what to do and they took you quickly back to the rest of the boys who crowded around you as you struggled to hold back tears.

• When Paul (ever so blissfully ignorant) asked you what was wrong and you just broke down, rambling in basically incoherent sentences about how you were just walking and this person bumped into you and they spilt their drink and you didn’t even do anything and they started yelling at you, and you didn’t even get your funnel cake! You cried extra hard at the last part

• Once you calmed down some, because it was embarrassing to cry in public, you drove with Dwayne back to the cave along with the rest of the boys, save Marko, he stayed back to buy your funnel cake but he raced to catch up with all of you.

• once you got back to the cave, you apologized profusely for crying, so much to the point where David was annoyed. And with a short, sort of angry, ‘it’s fine’, you quieted down and he thought he did something, until he looked back at you and saw your lower lip wobbling and new tears filling your eyes,

• “what is it now?”

• “you yelled at me.” you cried.

• queue Michael holding you, then paul pushing michael off of you and holding you and Dwayne scolding David.

• “why did you yell at her?”

• “i didn’t!”

• it all basically ends in a cuddle pile every night until your period is over, extra cuddles if you cry, or get upset, or sad, or if you even blink wrong then at least two of them will be on you.

• and if you want then one of them (or more if you’re comfy with that yet) will have smexy fun time with you to cheer you up! Or to distract you for the time being because they will eventually have you talk about it and they’ll help you as much as they can.

i remembered to put tags the first time around!!!!😁😊 clap for me

[pengujoon]

JUST REST, YOU'LL BE FINE

"Just go home for now," you sighed, tired eyes darting towards his concerned ones. "I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" your boyfriend asked, voice lacing with care.

"Yeah," you said, "I'm sure."

Hesitantly, he got up and packed his things into his bags, and walked towards the empty classroom doors. All this time, he hadn't broken his eye contact with your frail body slumping over the messy table of papers.

He looked at you worriedly before stepping out of the door, shutting it softly after leaving.

"Finally," you thought. And almost immediately, your tears came crashing down your face, loud sobs echoing through the empty classroom, hands reaching up to wipe away your unending flow of tears.

It was really tiring, managing so many college related activities while maintaining your grades at a high level to keep your scholarship. And not to mention, your mother was extremely against the fact that you were taking part in so many college activities.

Every time you arrived home later after a meeting with the committee members, be sure to expect a lecture from your mother. No matter how much you tried persuading her that you were indeed studying in college during your free periods, it somehow never went through her.

"Mom," you cried, "I swear I'm studying!"

"Who knows?" your mother scoffed, "You can be lying to me, but God will know if you're telling the truth."

"I am!" you shouted.

"Is this such way to treat your mother?" she shouted louder, "Your grades have been dropping so badly and now you're joining a club as a committee member?"

"Mom, 75% isn't that bad, and it's only the first semester!"

"So what? That's the whole point! The first semester has the least amount of chapters and yet you can't manage to get 85 and above. Are you even trying?"

"I am!" you cried, "And joining club committees will give me a slight advantage in my resume!"

"As an interviewer, your grades are more important than whatever stupid club activity you're in!"

You do agree that grades are indeed more important than committee roles, but she's saying as though joining a club is a waste of time. If she truly understands you, why would she not let you be part of a club?

"But mom," you said softly in defeat, "Why can't I? If.. if I join a club committee, it can.. perhaps.. help reduce my social anxiety."

"Now you're blaming me for not letting you join clubs?" she shrieked, making your eyes as wide as a saucer plate, face paling at her statement. "How did you even develop social anxiety?"

"I'm such a failure of a mother."

It's not like you could tell her that your social skills dropped greatly after being stuck at home for 2 years because of the pandemic, can you?

She'll just blame you for not making friends when you can't even make any. If you tried making online friends, she'll just bash you for making friends on the internet, how they're all catfishes and just using a false identity to lure you in.

Yes, although you do agree that what she says is true, but isn't life always like that? You have to take a risk for everything. Heck, it's not like you'll just gush out all your personal information to someone you just met on the internet, will you?

She'll always make it seem like she's winning. You'll never be able to win against her.

"I need to get this right, I need to get this right," you thought as you frantically typed in the research results for your club meetings into a document for the slides department to prepare the slides in advance. Being a secretary did not mean that you were exempted from all the other duties such as research, preparation and presentation.

"Thank you so much!" your team members said happily as you handed your research report to them. Not a single one of them asked about your pale figure; even if they did notice something odd, they said nothing.

Why were you putting in so much effort to do all the things that they told you to do last minute in the wee hours of the night?

Maybe it was because you sought for the attention, for praises, for recognition that you never received.

Being so caught up in your loud thoughts and tears, you never heard your boyfriend coming inside the room towards you until you felt his hand upon your shoulders.

You flinched, choking up a soft sob in shock.

"What? Why are you here?" you forced the words out, heart pounding against your rib so painfully loud.

He said nothing.

"TALK TO ME!" you shouted, "Why are you-"

He pulled you up from your seat, not bothering about the few sheets of paper that fell to the ground, and engulfed your body in his warm embrace.

Eyes widened in shock, you stiffen up, frozen hands extended behind his back.

"You don't have to say anything," he said, "Just let it all out."

You no longer felt scared. You cried out all your sorrows, body shivering in his hold. He pulled you tighter against him, hand rubbing against your back, tears slowly collecting in his very own.

The warm evening glow shone through the room, as though the sun was surrounding the both of you with some form of comfort.

He said nothing while you cried, not even bothering about your tear stains on his shirt as you cried into his chest. Feeling your tight shivering grip around his body just broke his heart into a thousand pieces more.

He hugged you tighter, whispering soft nothings by your ears while he patted you gently on the back. He closed his eyes and focused on your softening cry, trying his best to control his frantic breathing.

Burying in his chest, you gripped the material of his cloth tightly, knuckles turning white from the harsh grip. All the pent up stress from these past month overwhelmed you, and

"I'm so sorry," you chanted, "'m so, so sorry..."

Voice trailing at the end, you pushed yourself away from him, not sparing a glance at him in fears of the worst.

"Hey," he said, "Look at me."

You shook your head, hands rubbing away the tears that threatened to fall. You wept softly, your body trembling.

"Please, just look at me."

Your reddened eyes bore into his worried ones, tears threatening to fall from his own. His heart broke into a million pieces more as he took in your broken figure, shaking from all the emotional baggage you carried on your own.

He knew just how much you had on your plate — he knew. He also knew that you were just as capable of managing everything to your best capabilities, but he should've seen the warning signs: skipping lunch to catch up on deadlines, staying up all night just to study for an exam the following day with no sleep, running different organisation activities all day without any rest — he should've done something, but he didn't.

He overestimated his capabilities of being able to protect you. He thought he could tell when to force you to take a break, he thought he was able to help you just by being with you — and honestly, his presence did help destress you a majority of the time.

But he wasn't able to tell when you were about to break down from all the overwhelming stress. He overestimated himself.

"I'm so sorry," he muttered, nuzzling in your neck. "I should've known."

You threw your hands around his neck, plopping your head down as you manage to hold your tears in. The emptiness you felt in your heart since a long time ago was restored the day you met your boyfriend — you just knew that he was the one.

He helped you through the many ups and downs of your life together, and no doubt, you helped him through his darkest times too.

You love him, and he loves you dearly too.

You were thankful for him, for being the anchor in your life, to keep you grounded to real life.

"Just rest," he said reassuringly, "you'll do fine."

may is probably one of my most stressful months so far through 2022, mainly because of the numerous college activities that i am a part of, and i feel that i'm not being productive as i should? something's not right, i can feel it

[saradesuchiha]

hi it's des ü

ig i need to share this to u guys...

i've been experiencing pain in my right forearm more than 2 weeks. i continued working on loads, commissions, and atleast doodle once a day while enduring the strain. i have a tendency of overworking and completely overdoing things and not stopping bc i don't like being idle while i know i have queued work. i thought the pain will soon go away if i take it easy during my days off like i used to do, but it didn't. the pain became intolerable and i hardly can't lift or move my arm anymore.

last tuesday, i had it checked and was diagnosed w lateral epicondylitis; it's a condition that causes microtears to the elbow tendon due to overuse. the doctor said it will take abt 6-8 weeks to heal, if the pain prolonged, then i will have to consider taking shots and it will take almost half a year or so to recover. he also advised me to rest and atleast 2 weeks off strenuous activities and other miscellaneous tasks, take prescribed pain relievers and attend scheduled physical therapy. when i feel better, i can return doing my normal routine slowly.

my mom and i had an argument as we head home. she told me to just quit my job and she's been very vocal abt it eversince i took the offer. i work from home for 10hrs for four straight days, night 'til morning + i take side jobs or make art commissions to earn extra during my days off. i'm comfortable w this setup bc i don't have to go to the office and has less financial stress. i'm the breadwinner in my family, so i have to work hard and earn more than enough, else, my family and i will not have anything to fill our plates and pay the bills. but my work and lifestyle are affecting my health. i have chronic stress, insomnia, and now, tennis elbow pain.

i understand her concerns are for my well-being, but i love and want this job and i don't want to quit. i stayed in my room and cried myself the whole day and can't focus on anything. i realized how greatly affected my life is bc of one injury. i'm afraid of losing my predominant arm and its a vital part on my skills. i'm more afraid of what will happen to my family if i'm dysfunctional for weeks or if i completely quit my job. i have no one to blame other than myself.

i'm just relieved it's nothing worse, but it will take few weeks to feel better. i'm still absorbing and trying to process everything in my mind. i already got things sorted out quickly at my work and they're very understanding abt the situation. atleast what i can do for now is try to ease my mind, be patient, and not force myself to work if i'm in pain, else i'm going to suffer more.

sorry if this post is quite sad. i have this weighing on my chest and i just want to take it out. i want to tell u guys too and not worry if i'm inactive. ig i'll try to come back after first 2 weeks of recovery period and not over do it. i'm not going to make full art for a while but i'll still doodle every now and then. i still have pending entries for march fan events and other related fanarts in my drafts. it feels frustrating that can't finish them on time for each event. but i'm still going to post them even they are beyond late once i finish them.

i hope u guys are all doing well, always safe and take good care of urselves. thank u for taking time reading this. see u guys soon~ 🌤️

[hawksugarbaby]

Tokoyami x reader- Big city, small pond

Fluff + Nature took back the earth AU combined with fantasy AU

You didn't take a breath before sinking back down from the side of the moss overrun pavement into the flooded road, deepened after many years of abrasion and sinkholes popping open intermittently. Deep enough for anything to swim in at least, though clementine traffic cone's still floated and drain covers for manholes had rusted and chipped away at the side. Litter still filled the bottom of the sinkhole but had all seemed to collect in the deep abysses. Metal benches were still bolted to the floor but had new river weeds and algae wrapped around each section of the skeleton but it was a wonderful place for anything to sit.

Your gills split open on your neck and you walked the depths of the "river" the reflection of miraculously working street signs for takeaways that greedy humans reopened over and over no matter how many times mother nature reclaimed the earth. Your finger's brushed the scales of an orange carp darting past you and you kicked your leg's out, turning them to an iridescent (f/c) fishtail, ending and transforming to human at the hips, your skirt clung to the tail under the water and your flowy t-shirt billowed out when you moved sharply, turning a corner or halting quickly to watch something.

Your tail kicked up rocks and dust which swirled in the water and settled at the bottom again as sediment. You scoffed at a human dropping a paper wrapper into the water that turned too much and landed on the floor, a few balls of red and white paper landing on your arm then tumbling off.

You popped your head up feeling a lily pad drooping down over your hair and covering your right eye. "Hey!" you shouted but the human was on his knees looking into the water in annoyance "Excuse me! I don't appreciate your wrapper dissolving in my river!" you shouted and he lifted his head, ruby eyes fluttered to you pulling the lily pad off your head, flopping it back onto the water where it drifted further away.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to drop it, I was trying to find it now" he sighed in annoyance at the knowledge it was gone. He sat cross legged at the side and tilted his head looking at you. "Mermaid?" it was definitely supposed to be a question but it sounded more like a surprise than curiosity. You rolled your eyes and repeated his word in a mocking tone "oh mermaid? No. I'm not a mermaid, I'm a nymph obviously. How would you like it if i just assumed you were a crow!" you crossed your arms, your tail fins swishing back and forth impatiently. "I suppose I'd be most irritated" he scratched the back of his neck and hung his head.

You sighed swimming closer to the edge and rested your forearms on the kerb next to him. "It's whatever. Not like you city folk would know a difference anyway. Mother nature did all she could to reclaim the earth as hers and you still poison us with your plastic and oil and deforestation" you listed the minimum amount of things humans had done yet it was still enough for him to feel a guilty punch to the gut. "I'm sorry for what my species did to the earth" he spoke on behalf of a race that didn't care. The human race. But it was nice to hear an apology for once instead of someone claiming it wasn't their fault.

"My name is tokoyami fumikage" he held out his hand and you took it, the web's between your fingers stretching out slightly and you analyse him curiously "(y/n) macdonald." he nodded and smiled at you politely "You have a very nice tail" he said unsure how to continue your conversation, it wasn't like he could just ask you to get up and join him for a dinner and get to know you, though honestly he wasn't sure how nymphs worked, for all he know maybe you could? "Thank you. It's my favourite colour!" you grinned swishing it behind you and hopping on the edge on the path with all your strength.

You kicked your tail out and they transformed into legs dipping into the water and creating ripples around your calves and he stared amazed at your split appendages, skirt still hugging your thighs nicely and your t-shirt stuck to you like a puppy with abandonment issues.

"The difference by the way. This is the difference between mermaids and nymphs. Mermaids are usually really rude too" you explained, picking a string of riverweed from your leg and flinging it into the water to drift along the shore or sink to the bottom. He hummed in response since he couldn't agree or disagree, for now he would stay a neutral party unwilling to get on your bad side again. "I see. How did you end up here anyway aren't nymphs supposed to be out in like... rivers and lakes?" he queried and you sighed looking at the murky water sadly, missing the feel of your own river. "Uh, when mother nature decided to shift stuff around and the big tsunami flood thingy came it flooded my river and we all ended up somewhere different. Maybe it was on purpose but I ended up here" you swung your legs in the water tapping the stone ground with your fingers.

You missed the smell of earth surrounding your crystalline lake running off into smaller streams and your favourite river for finding pebbles in. you missed the fluffy flax seed that stuck to you when you were drying off in the long grass by the bank and that floated on top of the water for fish to pop up and suction down into their stomach. You missed your friends mostly, almost sisterly bonds between all of you now severed and spread across all of japan.

"I miss home really. For all I know my friends could be home waiting for me" you exhaled deeply and tokoyami sadly glanced at you wondering how far your legs could take you. "What if I helped you get home?" he asked and you jumped excitedly. "You would really help me! Don't you have school or friends or anything? Are you sure you can help?!" you blabbered for a minute or so about how inconvenient it would be and how you didn't know how far you would have to go until he stopped you. "My school is on break right now so I have about 2 months off before I need to go back. Most of my friends are going to look for a cause of the reclamation too since half our school is unusable since it started so I have no qualms helping you"

You jumped up and down giddy and dove back in the water splashing him with water that rolled off his feathers, soaking the choker on his neck and you apologised. "I'm just so excited to go home! Thank you so much!"

And so began your long journey to your home. You passed hundreds of abandoned buildings crumbling to nothing with vines twisted up the sides and supersized branches through the shattered windows, ivy had crawled up the walls of every structure you passed and you talked aimlessly along the way. "So mother nature is-" "a goddess inside the earth" tokoyami nodded at your explanation and looked around in understanding. One of her creations had destroyed the other, the necessary one, and she was proving that humans were expendable. "I'd be pissed too if my home was being filled with gross plastic." you giggled and smiled thankful that someone finally took you as sane, you were tired of truth seekers who didn't like the truth they gave them. They had too much blame on them so they went to find something else.

A month flew by quickly, you spent as much time swimming along streams that you could but of course not every path was filled with water, so it was a long journey for someone who wasn't used to walking barefoot on the actual ground for huge periods of time.

"What are your friends like?" Tokoyami asked, pushing a bish out the way for you to crouch through and you hummed, "caring. They care about a lot of things like climate change, obviously, but also silly stuff like um the best wood to carve you and your significant other's name in, or which leaves are the shiniest at golden hour. We have to make up fun little games or we'd just get bored" you smiled and he chuckled. They sounded similar to you, pointing out tiny details on your quest like spiderwebs covered in dew hidden in the grass, or perfectly round stone's that were shiny in the sun, it made sense you wanted to get back to them so badly.

The trees opened up to an empty circle of grass and a circle not much smaller of water, flowing over the sides of the bowl into the grass and streams wound along into their own segments of the forest. "Home... i'm home! I'm home i'm home i'm home!" you cried jumping up and down and sprinting into the gorgeous blue water and immediately your legs changed to your (f/c) tail, glowing in the sun as you floated on your back and soaked up the water. "Come in come in!!" you shouted while waving at tokoyami.

You had taken rest stops at old hotels and decrepit houses to check for water and of course food and sleep but there was enough civilization along the way to keep you going. But tokoyami hadn't had a bath, a real bath, one he didn't have to fill with a showerhead, in a month and god he wanted to relax desperately.

He peeled off his sticky t-shirt and hung it over a tree branch dipping into the water and relaxing immediately. "This is surprisingly warm" he muttered watching you splash around joyfully and sunk under the water. It was so clean he could keep his eyes open and watch you dip in and out of the water bouncing like a dolphin.

You swam over to him and he sat back up shaking the water out of his feathers and you smiled hugging him tightly "thank you for taking me here. I wish I could help you get back home but I don't think i'd make it back here myself. You sighed and he shook his head. "It's okay, I have other ways of getting home. I don't have to leave right now. I'll stay for another fortnight but then I probably have to go" he looked at his phone glad he had data and could contact hawks at the click of a button.

In 14 days that went by like rapids over rocks tokoyami had to say goodbye and hawks picked him up from your spot on the way back from a mission. 2 of your friends had also found their way home so you weren't lonely and tokoyami had promised to visit. "Okay and be safe home okay! I hope I see you soon!" you shouted as hawks lifted him into the air and he nodded in a silent agreement and waved.

"See you soon (y/n)!" he shouted back and you jumped in a wave as they disappeared into the bright blue sky reflected in your lake.

"Sooo..." one of your sisters sidled up next to you and you blushed "don't even! I know what you're going to say" you shoved her away and she laughed at you teasintly.

"Soo..." hawks started and tokoyami rolled his eye's "no hawks"

[mrsbarnes107]

Secret of the Widow

-part seven-

Summary: Post Endgame time period. The team is healing, trying to navigate this new normal they’ve found themselves in when Bucky and Sam bring home a stray with an attitude and a secret. Will the broken team take her in? Or is it too much to bare?

Warnings: language, *eventual* violence and smut, death, fluff, angst

Pairings: Bucky x OC

Disclaimer: this is posted to Wattpad as well and it WILL HAVE PLOT. I’m a Bucky hoe so there will be smut and romancy stuff but this is a series, so plot plot plot and slow burn.

Something was blinding me and I was wrapped in a cocoon of warmth.

I cracked my eyes open, sunlight streaming in and effectively burning my retinas. A big yawn escaped as cat stretched across my bed, popping my joints deliciously.

Of course that's when I noticed that I was in my bed. The bed I was very much NOT IN last night.

I stumbled to the bathroom, throwing on some spandex shorts along the way. The mirror revealed a very distraught woman. Jeez I'm a mess. Puffy eyes, wild hair, pillow creases on my cheek. With a sigh I throw my hair into a bun and wash my face and teeth, staring down my reflection.

Where on earth did this ginormous hoodie come from? This thing is like a dress, I cant even see my shorts and I KNOW it's not mine.

The fact that i cried hard enough to pass out and NOT feel someone carry me to my room AND put a hoodie on me is very concerning. I need to reign in these emotions, no matter how hard it is being back in the tower.

I slip some fuzzy socks on and check the time. 6 am. Of course.

Making my way quietly down the hall I snuggle more into the cozy hoodie. It smells like musk, man, and crisp night air. This is mine now.

No one seems to be awake, so I decide to treat the team to an extravagant breakfast of waffles, bacon, and eggs. But first a very very large cup of coffee.

As the aroma of Heavens most beautiful creation fills the room I have FRIDAY shuffle my music, broadcasting it in the kitchen loud enough to dance around to but not wake the others.

Food is almost done when I'm in the middle of singing into the knife I grabbed to cut up some fruit.

"SHOT THROUGH THE HEART AND  YOURE TO BLAME" chop chop chop "YOU GIVE LOOOVE  A BAD NAME"

I toss the knife behind me and spin around to flip the bacon, catching it with a little twirl. "I play my part and you play your games oooh you give loveee"  I begin setting the food on serving trays "a bad name."

As I'm dancing around the kitchen, enjoying the peace of cooking in an empty space, flicking the knife in the air and twirling it in my hand, I hear the team start to get up and around.

"She was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean" what a great way to start the day, bomb music and a dance party. "She was the best damn woman that I ever seen. She had sig-" as the knifes handle lands deftly in my palm, someone interrupts my concert.

"I feel like I should be serenading you right now Doll. Lookin like that, cookin food like this, definitely the best damn woman I've ever seen."

With a squeak I had launched the knife towards the voice, Bucky plucking it out of the air, right in-front of his amused blue eyes. He was leaning against the doorway, legs crossed and sleep rumpled hair. Apparently he's been there a while and apparently he was blessed with beauty no matter his state of dress.

"Barnes what the hell! Warn a girl, jeez." I put my hand over my heart to calm it while pouring a cup of coffee, walking it over to the super soldier. "And damn straight I'm the best. Glad you've noticed."

He follows me into the kitchen, leaning against the counter sipping his drink. "You're pretty skilled with this." I guess that was his warning as he catapulted the knife towards my stomach. Well I deserved that, I thought as I caught it while skipping a few songs.

"You'll come to learn I'm skilled in a few things." I say with a wink. "Although, I don't think anyone works a blade like you do Sarge."

I look up to find him staring at me with a weird expression before he shook his head and smirked. "Well Doll, I could always give you some pointers if you ever wanna train with me."

I'm jamming to Back in Black when the rest of the team walks in. Throwing Bucky a smile over my shoulder and a quick "your on, meet after breakfast?" He gives a nod and sits at the island beside the others.

This could be fun. Or a disaster. Definitely not a good idea. But a fun one for sure.

I'm still bouncing around to AC/DC when Sam scowls at me. Well he looks like a grumpy kitten in the mornings apparently.

"You are definitely Tony's creation." He grumbled, followed by a thank you, as they started scarfing down breakfast.

•••

"Hey Ali, why are you wearing Buckys hoodie?" Peter mumbled around a giant bite of waffle, food flying everywhere.

I paused for a second then continued pouring myself some more coffee, giving Barnes a quick glance that he avoided, deeply interested in his bacon apparently.

"Oh I forgot I was still wearing it, sorry Sarge." I said with a chuckle. "Couldn't sleep last night so I watched a movie and Barnes ended up joining me. I got cold and he was ever the century old gentleman."

That earned a scoff from the old man.

"We're still leaving at lunch right? I'm craving a taco from downtown." Wanda pipped up from across the island.

"Yeah that sounds great, I'm gonna get a quick workout in beforehand."

Peter glanced up from his waffle mountain "Do you think you could stop by the lab and help me out with something? When you're done shopping?"

I see Bucky staring at me in my peripheral, eyeing the smile I force onto my lips. That lab just can't get rid of me huh Tony. "Yeah of course, I'll let you know when I'm headed there."

With that I head back to my room and throw on some shoes and a tank top, leaving Buckys hoodie on my bed. I did say it was mine now anyways.

The gym is a large, two story area with many connected rooms. I went into the sparing room, with mats on the floors and a wall of punching bags. After stretching and putting on some music, I work on the power behind my punches, trying to land harder blows for someone larger than me.

Getting lost in the feel of fist biting leather I let myself drift into thought. I still don't know how to incorporate myself into the team. They were all very kind and grateful this morning, talking about their plans and letting me know they will be interrogating the two bombers from yesterday.

Am I being too open? I'm usually serious and more reserved unless I'm comfortable with someone like Nicky or Tony. It's just that I want them to see more than my serious, throat slashing side. The team is already gloomy enough, but I don't want them too think I'm not taking this seriously. Finding that line is hard when I don't know how receptive three of them even are to me at the moment.

Wanda, Buck, and Peter all seem fine, but the others are more hesitant.

I finish a set with a spinning roundhouse, sending the bag against the wall, just as one of my favorite songs comes on shuffle.

Being on your own for essentially twenty-two years gives you very little option for conversation. Besides the times I stayed with Tony, I was alone. As a kid my teachers were just that and Nicky was there when he could be, but all I really had was myself.

So music is my release. All I ever really had to let loose and feel lighter when on the road or cleaning up after a mission.

So I sing along while launching daggers into a sparring dummy from across the room.

[for-fucks-sake-h]

Hello! Im just really upset and really need to tell someone that doesn't know me. I'll start by saying exactly 1month ago I was upset about something very similar, I know bc of clue! Im talking to this guy and I really like him. We've been talking a little over a month, I've never been in a relationship before// never really had guy friends except my friends bfs but they never really stuck around. Im almost 21 and I know I'm still young so no need to freakout, last month I cried bc~~1

Bc he called me innocent. Like I'm about to start my period so I'm 89% sure it's to blame but I feel like my innocence is such a turn off it disgust me. I've recently joined bumble and I had like 6 guys or so that I matched with ask to meet but I didn't really want to so I didn't. But with this guy I wanna meet him and im afraid he didn't wanna meet bc it's a very short conversation normally and Im worried bc I enjoy talking to him so much that I've got blinders on ~~2

Like how some people don't see how trashy someone is bc they like them. And If I bring him up to any of my friends they wanna know when we're meeting but we haven't really talked about it and watching all my friends have awful relationships, I tend to think the worst when he doesn't reply for a while :( which then makes me think he doesn't actually like talking to me and I'm really upset and I think my new job(coworkers) have boosted my confidence so much that I think it's okay to want a bf ~~3 

Last one I don't even remember what I've told you but I'm just sad and afraid he doesn't like me

- - - 

Phew, okay love. There’s someone on instagram that I think you should check out, her username is nurberxo. I think her stories and confidence course about dating would be really helpful to you. I know you’re just looking to vent, but if I can offer some insight/advice... if a man gives you any indications that he’s not interested (doesn’t reply to texts, doesn’t make an effort to see you) then he really just isn’t into you. I’m not saying that’s what’s going on here, but you should definitely be aware of it.  If anyone wants to see/talk to you, then they will make an effort. Always remember what YOU bring to the table. There are millions and millions of people in the world, don’t settle.  

[faithnfrivolity]

She was raped at the age of 8. Her rapist was found guilty, but spent only one day in jail. After he was released, he was murdered. Because of this, she became mute for almost 5 years, believing her "voice killed him." "I killed him that man. because I told his name. And, then I thought I would never speak again, because my voice would kill anyone ..." Her name was Marguerite Ann Johnson. Later in life, she would change her name . . . to Maya Angelou. During this time, this period of suffering, this period of shame and guilt, this period of silence that she "developed her extraordinary memory, her love for books and literature, and her ability to listen and observe the world around her." A teacher and friend of the family helped Angelou speak again, introducing her to the world of books with authors such as Charles Dickens and William Shakespeare. When she finally did speak, she said she had a lot to say. Maya Angelou became a voice for women, a voice for the black community, garnering respect and admiration for her honesty. She would say, "There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you." Angelou was challenged by her friend, author James Baldwin, to write an autobiography, which became "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings". The book would be critically acclaimed, but banned in schools and libraries because of its honest depiction of rape. When asked by an interviewer why she wrote about the experience, she indicated that she wanted to demonstrate the complexities of rape. She also wanted to prevent it from happening to someone else, so that anyone who had been raped might gain understanding and not blame herself for it. She would also later write another book titled "Letter to My Daughter", which was dedicated to the daughter she never had but sees all around her. In the book, she says, "You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them." She would also write in her poem, "And, Still I Rise": "Did you want to see me broken? Bowed head and lowered eyes? Shoulders falling down like teardrops. Weakened by my soulful cries... You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I'll rise..."

[40sandfabulousaf]

Hihi all except warmongers. Happy Boxing Day, I guess? Most of us here don't celebrate it; the long weekend, however, is a chance to recharge these tired old batteries and indulge in plenty of self care. I'm dousing my face in mask sheets as well as had a relaxing facial treatment. Apart from those, my festive long weekend has, so far, been filled with cuteness. Babies!

I got to rock my precious nephew, 近平, affectionately nicknamed after our family's idol, Presidential Secretary Xi, to a gentle slumber and gosh, he is just adorable! 😍 Ever inquisitive, he was so tired that his eyes were slits; he had trouble keeping them open and yet, from time to time he would peep at us even as he settles into a peaceful sleep. I couldn't stop staring at him 💕

Then there was this meatball. Meet Grace's and Douglas' son, almost 6 months old now. Apparently, he doesn't allow others to carry him and cries immediately but we bonded. Not only does this adorable lil' sweetheart not burst into tears the moment I interact with him, his little fists wrap around my fingers when I touch his hands and he doesn't let go! Then I initiated carrying him and OMG he could just stay in my arms forever!

I visited Grace and Douglas yesterday and this sweetheart let me carry him without crying till my arms were numb and fatigued. Talk about babies knowing how to melt adults' hearts! As his parents enjoyed some rest, the meatball and I had some playful times. Given his more reserved nature, his parents and grandma were amazed that we were so relaxed in each other's company. I could've taken him home with me, but the thought of changing his diapers is enough to make me gag, so no thank you, I'll stick to strictly playtime 😅

Across the globe in the US, with 2 vaccines now approved for emergency use, Americans feel assured enough to travel domestically in order to catch up with loved ones over the festive period. Can't say I blame them; during our country lockdown, it was difficult being physically separated from family, especially my elderly parents. Finally seeing them in person and receiving assurance that they're well far exceeds the satisfaction derived from any video call.

So yeah, this has been my long weekend thus far and it's been a blessing. Today is another day of R & R. I'm looking forward to the same next weekend!

[meetmeatthecoda]

Oooooh lizzington prompts! Shameless anon is here 😂 Hmmmm well.. I WANT ALL OF THEM, but I'll settle for these -for now- told you I'm shameless: 10, 24 (I'd die if Red was the one trembling), 31, 41. My feels are yours to mess up with 😭❤️

50 Dialogue Prompts

Oh my gosh, HELLO shameless anon! :D So happy to have you back in my inbox bringing me prompts! :) Okay so, I’m sorry these took so long, but here they are, all 4 at once. (Which is why they took a while. And also because, at every turn, I was fighting my instinct to turn each prompt into a full-length fic. Darn.) So I hope your feels come out of these mostly intact ;) Please enjoy! :D Much love!

10. “Come here.”

24. “You’re trembling.” (Red is, indeed, the one trembling. And also, this is sort of a companion mini-fic to number 10.)

31. “I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending that they’re you.” (This one goes into T rating territory, be advised, and enjoy ;)

41. “I feel like I can’t breathe.”

10. “Come here.”

Red sighs as he collapses on thesofa, kicking off his Italian hand-made shoes like they are cheap sneakers andrubbing his face with both hands.

What an exhausting day.

Lizzie had called around nine,saying they were dead in the water with their current blacklister, and askedfor his help. Unable to deny her, and also wanting to have the truly despicablenumber 45 in custody as soon as possible, he had wracked his brains for ways tohelp. Unfortunately, the only thing he could come up with was chatting with oneof his less pleasant associates. De Marco was the only one Red could imaginewould have any intel on this blacklister. Whether he would share it with him wasanother story completely.

De Marco is an interestingindividual, a recluse, a hermit, living by himself in the wilderness of NewJersey, so naturally he is a little unhinged. He can be perfectly pleasant, ofcourse, but if caught on the wrong day, Red knows from experience that he willemerge from his cabin on a rampage, guns blazing. It is nothing Red can’thandle with Dembe by his side, of course, but he doesn’t want Lizzie anywherenear someone so unpredictable, just in case.

So Red had relayed his plans toLizzie, for once not holding back anything, wanting her to know the probable dangerof this contact. He made a point to stress that she, or anyone else from thetask force, should not try to follow him under any circumstances. De Marco istoo volatile and they should wait for Red to contact them with anything helearned.

She had agreed reluctantly, in arather odd tone of voice, but Red had had no time to linger on it. Besides, Lizzie’smood had been anything but consistent lately.

So he and Dembe had set off at onceto northern New Jersey to pay a visit to old De Marco. He was rather uncooperativeat first – perhaps Red should have called ahead – but after a few knives were thrownhis way, Red managed to calm him down and obtain the information the task forceneeded.

On the long drive home, Red hadcalled Cooper with the time sensitive intel, wary of Lizzie’s strange mood and wantingto spare her the usual role of middleman this once.

They just arrived back at theircurrent safe house and Dembe went straight to bed. A day full of driving and dodgingbullets from a paranoid maniac tends to take a toll. Red can certainly sympathize.

With a weary glance at his watch,Red sees that it is nearing midnight. He supposes he should head to bed aswell, exhausted as he is, but he still feels that strange restlessness thatcomes from being confined in a car for a long period of time.

Perhaps he’ll make some warm milk,that usually makes him sleepy, and it’s certainly better for him than scotch,yes, perhaps he’ll –

Knock, knock.

Red frowns. Who could that possiblybe at quarter to twelve on a Tuesday night? Suddenly wide awake and on alert,he grabs his gun from it lies discarded on the side table and clicks off thesafety, padding silently to the door. He takes a quick glance through thepeephole and feels a jolt go through him.

Lizzie is standing there.

He quickly flicks the safety backon the gun and places it on the entryway table, unlocking and opening the doorat the same time.

“Lizzie, what a pleasant – “

“Where have you been?!”

And before he knows it, Lizzie ispushing her way past him and into his safe house and what is going on?

“I’m sorry?”

“Oh, don’t play stupid, Red. Youcall and tell me all about this dangerous god-awful blacklister and thencasually go on your merry way to meet with him and then you don’t even call meafterwards? You call Cooper instead? What was I supposed to take from that? Thatyou were injured and didn’t want to worry me? Or that you simply didn’t careenough to let me know you were okay?”

Lizzie finally stops to take abreath but Red can do nothing but blink stupidly at her, stunned. He had noidea she would be so worried about him. Frankly, he didn’t think she would caremuch at all. She had made it very clear in the past that she cares very little forhis safety. Why should this time be different? There are not many people leftin this world that care about his well-being and she has the least reason ofanyone. He certainly can’t blame her.

Red frowns.

He can see tension making Lizzie’sshoulders rigid. Her arms, which had been planted on her hips while she wasyelling at him, have since drifted to wrap around her waist. He glances up ather face, still frowning, and he sees she is staring at him, waiting to hear whathe has to say for himself.

Well.

“Lizzie…” he says slowly. “I’m perfectlyall right. I’m sorry if I worried you. That was not my intention.”

She must be able to hear thesincerity in his voice but instead of relaxing like he suspected she would, hesees her arms tighten around her middle and, unbelievably, he sees her eyesfill with tears.

Perhaps he had overexaggerated DeMarco’s eccentricities.

And perhaps Lizzie cares more abouthim than he originally suspected.

He feels a wonderful warmth floodhim from head to toes.

“Well,” she mutters, lookingstrangely vulnerable and small, standing here in his hallway, looking anywhere butat him. “I was still worried.”

Oh, Lizzie.

“Come here.” He murmurs, reachingfor her.

And, unbelievably, she surgesforward into his arms without hesitation, one arm wrapping around his back andthe other around his waist, her face pressing into his shoulder. He wraps hisarms tightly around her in return, wishing irrationally for a moment that he couldabsorb her into his body and keep her with him always.

Silly.

He feels her take a deep breath in,her torso expanding within his arms, and he breaths with her almost byaccident. As they exhale together, Red feels a lovely contentedness settlewithin him. He makes a silent promise to do his best not to worry her again.

24. “You’re trembling.” (Red)

Liz sighs as she closes herapartment door, shedding her shoes carelessly in the hall and dumping her coatand bag on the table, feet aching.

What an exhausting day.

It had started early with asighting of their blacklister and ended so very late, after endless paperworkand formalities. At least their blacklister was finally in custody.

If only it hadn’t taken a buildingblowing up to finally catch him.

Liz had been the first to go in,Ressler and Samar not far behind her, when she caught sight of their suspect.She took off after him without a thought, heedless of their cries to wait.

She didn’t realize he was going toprime a bomb.

But luckily, number 67 doesn’t havea suicidal streak. After he rigged the building to blow, Liz chased him rightout the back door of the building and finally took him down as the explosionknocked them both off their feet. Aside from a few cuts and scrapes, Liz isperfectly fine, but that didn’t stop Cooper from giving her a long lecture onthe advantages of teamwork.

Liz sighs again, leaning againsther apartment door, sore and wondering idly if she’ll make it to her bed or ifshe should just settle for the couch and does it really matter anyway becausehow –

Knock, knock.

Liz jumps away from the door,startled. Who could that be?

“Lizzie, open the door, it’s me.”

Red. There’s an odd tightness andurgency to his voice that Liz can’t identify.

She frowns and quickly opens thedoor. She doesn’t even get a good look at Red before he is rushing through thedoor, kicking it closed behind him, and gripping her by the shoulders.

“Lizzie, are you alright?” he asksurgently.

Liz blinks, confused. “Um, yeah,I’m fine, Red. Are you?”

Bewildered, Liz watches as Red’sface contorts in anger.

“Are you really going to ask methat, Lizzie? After you were in an explosion today? Why did you go after thatblacklister? How could you be so stupid, so reckless, we would have gotten himsome other way, you shouldn’t risk your life like that, you could have beenkilled! And you didn’t think to call me at any point today? After I heard thenews, I had to call Aram, of all people, to find out if you were alive – ”

Red’s anger seems to evaporatequickly, draining from his face as he looks at her, his eyes flickeringanxiously over her face.

“Red, I’m sorry.” Liz sayshonestly. “It was a crazy day, I didn’t really have time for phone calls. But Ididn’t mean to worry you.”

Liz looks into his eyes, meetinghis gaze for a moment before she sees his eyes flicker down to her cheek,zeroing in on the scrape there she sustained from a random piece of shrapnel inthe explosion.

Liz watches as Red raises his hand,as if in a trance, to brush his fingers gently across the superficial wound.She looks at his hand, so close to her now, and is shocked to see his fingersunsteady.

“You’re trembling.” she whispers.

Oh Red.

They move at the same time, Red’strembling hand delving into her hair and the other yanking at her waist to pullher to him, while Liz’s arms wrap around Red’s neck. Liz scratches lightly atthe back of his head and she feels his shiver against her whole body. Shenotices that the trembles are not confined to his hands, in fact, they seem tobe quaking through his whole body. He buries his face in her neck and sheshushes him, rocking them a little back and forth.

Oh, Red. He thought she had died.

“I’m all right, Red, I’m righthere.” She murmurs to him, cradling him. He takes a deep breath in at her wordsand lets it out slowly, the tremors gradually fading. Standing there holdinghim, Liz makes a silent promise to do her best not to worry him again.

31. “I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretendingthat they’re you.”

Red sulks in his booth, cringing ashe watches Lizzie press up against her partner, dancing in the darkness of theclub. He knows it’s necessary for Lizzie to appear occupied with her date whilethey wait for their mark to appear but that doesn’t mean he has to like it. Hesips sullenly at his scotch, wishing he could simply throw it back and orderten more like he wants to.

They have been staking out thisparticular club all week, undercover as simple clubbing patrons, waiting fortheir mark to appear. But it’s Friday and he still hasn’t showed. Red knowsthat if they don’t see him here tonight, Cooper will pull the plug on the wholeoperation. But at least Red and Liz aren’t wearing microphones anymore,connected to the team outside in a surveillance van like they were earlier thisweek. They gave up that part of the operation after Red convinced Cooper that thepresence of the van was putting off their mark.

That wasn’t true at all, of course,their mark was far too stupid to notice the team. But Red didn’t want to riskembarrassing Liz any more than he already has. Because on their first nightundercover, Red and Liz had decided to portray a couple enjoying a night outand things had gotten a little…out of hand.

The tension that always seemed to besimmering below the surface of their interactions had finally snapped under thedarkness and heat of the club. They were dancing fairly chastely when Liz hadfinally leaned in close to his ear and whispered to him.

“We have to sell this.”

Red’s heart had just about stoppedin his chest when Liz had turned around and started to grind against him. Redhad a split second of inaction before he was kicked into gear by the feel of Lizdancing so provocatively against him. He simply couldn’t stop his handsgripping her hips and pulling her firmly back against him, enjoying the frictionfar more than he probably should.

They danced like this for whatseemed to Red to be a glorious 30 minutes before, without warning, Liz spunaround and crushed her lips to Red’s with a moan. Red, after being stunned foranother short moment, didn’t waste any time in pulling her tightly against him,his mouth working furiously against hers, their tongues tangling.

When they finally surfaced for air,their eyes met and, while taking in dilated pupils and flushed cheeks, they suddenlyremembered the mics and earpieces currently trapped between their warm bodies. Theyheard Ressler clear his throat and call off the operation for the night.

After a wide eyed, searching gazeover his face, Liz had slipped away from Red and disappeared in the crowd. Theywent their separate ways and they haven’t acknowledged the incident since.

So Red insisted on no more micswhile they were undercover. As it turns out, it wasn’t necessary, as Lizzie hadsteadfastly avoided him as much as she could while they were both stuck in thesame club for six hours every night. She had no shortage of partners and Red,while plenty of women sent interested glances his way, sat in his boothdrinking scotch.

And trying to forget the feeling ofLizzie moaning into his mouth.

He sighs. A futile business, to besure.

Red checks his watch. Almostmidnight. He casts a final glance around the room for their mark and, seeinghim nowhere, decides to throw in the towel. He tosses back the last of hisscotch and stands. Lizzie looks to be having a fine time with her currentpartner and he’s sure she can find her own way home. Bitterness rises in histhroat like acid and he starts to push his way through the crowd to the door.

However, he doesn’t get far beforea hand grabs arm and he turns, startled, to see Lizzie tugging him to the backof the club.

“Lizzie – “ he starts to say butshe continues to pull him along until they are in the relative quiet of the backhallway.

Alone.

“Lizzie, what – “

“Look, I’m sorry about earlier thisweek,” she interrupts him easily and, oh, she’s apologizing and telling himwhat a mistake it was, of course, he never had a chance with her –

“But I can’t stand this awkwarddance anymore so let me just be honest.”

Yes, they should just address itlike adults and move on and if Red’s heart comes out of this broken beyondrepair, who really cares –

“I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending thatthey’re you.”

What?

Red just stares at her for a minute, her smoky eyesblinking alluringly at him, her lips looking wonderfully tempting with a lightcoat of deep red lipstick.

She wants to kiss him again?

“So how about you take me home and we do somethingabout that?”

Red grins at her. Oh, hell yes.

41. “I feel like I can’t breathe.”

Ring, ring.

Liz taps her finger anxiously against her phone as itrings, waiting for Red to pick up. It’s very late at night, almost earlyreally, but she can’t help it.

She needs to talk to him.

She can’t sleep and she can’t seem to do anythingabout it but Red will help her. He always does.

Sam’s birthday is coming up and it’s the first one sincehe’s been gone and Tom is gone too (which is definitely for the better) butshe’s still having a hard time. Red saw her yesterday at the Post Office,looking exhausted and sad and somehow knowing why, and told her to not hesitateto call him.

So, at two o’clock in the morning, that’s what she’s doing.

“Hello?”

“Red,” she breathes, relieved, closing her eyes.

“Lizzie? It’s very late, is something wrong?” Oh, Red.

“No, no, I’m sorry, I hope I didn’t wake you.” Forsome reason, it didn’t occur to her that Red might be sleeping.

“No, you didn’t wake me, Lizzie, but you should beasleep.”

“I know, it’s just…” Now that she has him on the phone,what does she say to him?

“Yes?” Patient Red. What has she done to deserve him?

“I can’t sleep. It’s…it’s Sam. And…you said I couldcall?” She feels so tentative now, what if he didn’t really mean it, what if hewas just saying it, what if –

“Of course, Lizzie, of course. I’m so glad youcalled.” Oh, Red. She can hear the sincerity in his voice. Of course he meantit, this is Red.

“Thank you, Red. I just…Well his birthday is coming upand I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that but it’s the first since he’s beengone and, though I know it shouldn’t mean anything, Tom isn’t here to help methrough it and as disgusting as he was, he was the only thing I had and I justdon’t know what to do,” and it’s all spilling out of her now, all the feelingsand thoughts that had been building up inside her ever since she realized Samwould have been fifty in a week’s time. “…And the all the grief and sadness isback and it’s like he just died even though it’s been over six months, I don’tknow why it’s so much more difficult all of a sudden but I just miss him somuch and I feel like I can’t breathe – “

It’s then, when her voice breaks off with a gasp,tears falling down her cheeks, that she realizes Red is speaking.

“Lizzie, Lizzie, it’s all right, just breathe, justbreathe for me, sweetheart, can you do that? Everything is going to be fine, Ipromise, it’s all right, just breathe.”

And Liz finds herself clinging to his voice like alifeline and she’s breathing easier now, taking deep gulps of air, and calmingherself.

“Is that better, Lizzie?”

“Yes.” She whispers, her throat sore and her voicehoarse. She already feels more empty and exhausted than she has in days.

Talking about it really does help.

“Now, I’m going to come over and we’re going to talkand you’re going to get some sleep tonight because I have a feeling you needit, all right, Lizzie?”

“All right.” Liz says easily, smiling a little now.Why did she wait so long to call him? Because, after all this time, she shouldknow one thing.

Red will always take care of her.