#i cried so much and i'm so exhausted

[pandaspwnz]

so.

we might have to put down my youngest dog Lily. She just turned 5 but a few months ago she started limping so we took her to the vet and found out she has arthritis. No big deal, she's on daily painkillers, seems fine. Then she starts limping again and wouldn't really stand or walk very far, and we take her to the vet wednesday and get a shot of a painkiller that should work better over time, since her regular painkillers weren't doing enough to manage it. Thursday she seemed to be doing better again but then suddenly friday evening something happened and it. got. bad. she limps constantly, legs shaking badly, hind legs won't support her weight, won't take more than 4 shaky steps without sitting down again. We were in contact with a vet over the phone saturday and sunday to figure out if it was urgent or something that could wait til monday (since in the weekend just stepping a foot in the door would be 2200 dkk (around $320). We had given her her regular pain meds, even though we were supposed to cut down on half of it after the shot, but clearly she needed it. The vet over the phone says we can give her some regular strength paracetamol and if that manages her pain well enough, we can wait. So we get her more painkillers, she takes them, it seems to help a little. Meanwhile my mom was willing to be carrying Lily to where she needs to go, but I dug out a cart we had in the basement so Lily could ride on that and spare my moms back and Lily's own little legs.

So today, monday, we got an emergency visit at the vet and the vet says it is. bad. they're overbooked and busy but she said she wanted to see Lily right away and went and made sure they could squeeze Lily in for an x-ray and bloodtest.

So we leave her at the vet to get the x-ray and go home and a few hours later we get a call and it turns out Lily has completely torn her cruciate ligaments in BOTH hind legs. We don't know if they went at the same time because somehow?? this little fucking terminator has said. NOTHING. No howls, whines, screams, anything. Nothing.

Only option is surgery. But it is SO expensive. Getting one leg fixed is 24000 dkk ($3.5k), but since it's both they can do it for 38000 dkk ($5.5k). And that's not touching the 6000+ dkk ($875) diagnosis fee we paid today, or any medicine for treatment post surgery. We thankfully have insurance which will cover a total of 29700 dkk ($4.3k) UNLESS we/the vet can say there's a chance she tore her ligaments in two separate incidents, in which case they'll give us that amount twice, once for each leg. I don't know how it works, don't ask me. It's fucking stupid.

Thing is, we live paycheck to paycheck. At a push we can scrape together 15700 dkk ($2247) which we already spent some money on today for the diagnosis fee on, and we have 3 other pets we need to take care of. If we spend all the money we have and then some on Lily and something happens to the others, we wouldn't be able to do anything. So basically my dog's fucking life is depending on if the vet can somehow tell us, either truthfully or by sticking their necks out for us, that the ligaments tore in two separate occasions. Otherwise we just can't afford it.

Which fucking sucks and makes me so angry because she can get the surgery and there's a really good prognosis!! It's like an 85-90% chance she'd be completely normal once she's all healed (it would only slightly increase the risk of getting arthritis, which she already has a little of anyway). And it has to come down to fucking money.

And we are not. at all. willing to do surgery on one leg at a time. Absolutely not. We are not going to have her suffer for so long just because it would make it easier for us to somehow pay for.

Anyway, we have a surgery booked for monday (which is in a whole fucking week!! that's so long from now!) but we don't even know yet if she can have it. We're expecting a call from the vet who saw us initially so we can find out if we can say it was two incidents or not. We'll know at the latest on wednesday and if not, then we just. have to put her down. because of money. we don't want her to be in pain. but man this just fucking sucks. she's my little baby and I don't want to lose her.

this was taken on the way home from the vet. (yes she's fat we know, she's on a diet and already lost 1.5kg)

please send good vibes

[leeblissy]

hi I'm home sick with covid, am probably not getting paid for my time off, and have had to order quite a bit of food cuz I don't feel well enough to make anything o/-< it's getting very expensive very fast and I don't have much money left, plus the money im losing out on from not working is gonna fucking suck.

I can't draw anything rn cuz my apple pencil doesn't work and I'm just so so exhausted anyway but here's my kofi and my v*nmo is herecomeslee if you wanna help a guy out

[heybaetae]

.

[polaroidcats]

I just want to crawl into bed and hide underneath my duvet for like a month but I have to go be a functioning caregiver in like half an hour, I have no idea how people do this full time when it's already breaking me to be a part time caregiver

[dontdropthatthunthunthun]

I was not expecting to be grieving this much. Then again I was not expecting it to be now. I expected to be 80 and seeing him dead at the respectful age of 85,not 31 in a very very unfortunate way

[apocalypticdemon]

forgot that migraine postdrome can make me so fucking sad. worst feature my body ever installed.

[lovelaceisntdead]

Today was a good day I got to look round an old bindery that I was really interested in and the man who worked there was so nice and so encouraging and it made me feel so much better about choosing to pursue a dying craft. And I saw so many lesbians walking around and I went to a little queer cafe (completely by accident) and had my little gay drink and today has just made me feel so much more hopeful. Oh and I looked hot today.

[dante-and-dragons]

Ough. Post-session fatigue is hitting harder than usual today.

[dazais-guardian-angel]

went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠

[emwritesfootball]

whatever man (because it definitely had to be a man) decided that curly hair looks more fancy/professional/etc should be shot and killed if he isn't already dead

[primordialchoice]

Things are starting to look up for my family 😊 I'll see if I feel emotionally up for it to be here in the coming days.

[usurpator]

I did wake up. But it's real

[maryibgarry102]

Having digestive issues for months is the worst. My experiences with food lately have been so meh or bad, i feel sick randomly all the time but especially in the mornings, i can't get excited about food because my stomach problems have caused increased awareness/sensitivity to textures and stuff and so it's hard to eat both emotionally AND physically and as someone who has always found a lot of beauty and excitement in food i'm just so fucking sad

[cowardlycowboys]

if u ever get baby fever working at a daycare really curbs that!

[transgender-catboy]

They really don't warning you about all the dumb little things you'll cry about after you lose someone

[shu-bullshit]

I feel I'm just not a gaming person by nature although quite some of my fandoms are... I love to see how they tell stories through this interactive art form but god the process of playing can be so stressful. And for the relaxing ones I still have ways to make them stressful.

Sometimes when I watch playthroughs and see others genuinely enjoy the games, I really wish I could enjoy it more.