#i couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted ah but im singing like a bird bout it now

[uhhhitsme]

@missholloween um im so sorry in advance i know we dont interact a lot.......... but i have an. abnormal amount of feelings about this song. way too many feelings. this time its not my fault tho okay!! smy was the one who recced it to me!! curse you smytherines..............................

this song to me is VERY very post-fall curt centric, but also details a lot of flaws within curt himself pre-fall. the gist of the song is about a person who's lost someone they cared about, and wishes that they had properly expressed how much they cared about them before, and appreciated what they had.

one thing that's always confused me about the fandom characterisation of agent curt is that like..................... it's always either he's this sad little puppy trailing after owen like a dog on a leash, constantly being taken care of, or that he's this completely dismissive asshole who cares infinitely more about being a spy and himself to give two shits about owen until it's too late. the first one IS a lot more common but i see the second one enough that it bothers me.

and the thing is, both are missing the point massively---the interpretation of pre-fall curt to me that's always made the most sense is the idea that curt does care about owen, cares so impossibly much, that he can hardly stand it. but he's not good at letting himself say it.

he's grown up in the 1930s and 40s constantly entrenched in the idea that the ideal man is someone who provides for and takes care of others, who isn't emotional or weak or makes mistakes, who isn't vulnerable. we a lot of curt putting significance on that through spying in the show, trying to project this suave, macho, brave spy who isn't afraid of anything or anyone, who's always going to defeat the bad guys and win. in "this is a safe space" he's described with a massive messiah/saviour complex, and he himself admits he feels a huge obligation to being the one who saves the world. that he doesn't see much value in himself, outside of being that perfect, fearless hero.

and since he put so much value on himself being that flawless person---that hero, that incredible spy, that no real human being could actually always be---i think that being vulnerable with owen would have also been hard for him. that letting himself being taken care of would make him feel weak, and ashamed. that he couldn't express how terrified he was of losing him, of how much he loved him, for the fear that owen would love him less for not being the incredible spy he wants to be. that's why he did a lot of what he did in a1p1---because a part of him needs to prove he is that impossible person, after needing saving by the person he's supposed to save and then ribbed at by his boss on call in front of that same person.

he needs to be the hero, the strong one, because he's afraid of owen leaving him if he isn't. and because of that, he leaves a lot unsaid. i think the actual lyrics from the song put it really welll

i couldn't utter my love when it counted ah, but i'm singing like a bird 'bout it now and i couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted ah, but i'm singing like a bird 'bout it now words hung above but never would form like a cry at the final breath that is drawn

additionally, one of the running metaphors throughout the song is the singer being the "shrike to [singer's ex] thorn." a shrike is a type of carnivorous bird that kills it's prey by impaling them on thorns, which, first of all: metal as hell. second of all, the implication is that the singer can't survive without their lover, because a shrike would not be able to survive without it's thorns---it couldn't kill prey and therefore couldn't eat to survive.

i think this metaphor works really really well also with the idea that the only reason that curt was able to keep going, post-fall, was because he thought owen wouldn't want him to. i could go on a WHOLE other rant about that if i wanted to because i feel the extreme need to reference the show constantly for proof so i dont feel like a liar and a fraud who's making things up in my head, but for the sake of time, the best indicator of this to me is the lyrics in spy again. you know the ones. (im too lazy to grab them.)

anyways yeah everyone who respects agent curt mega should add this to their curtwen playlist NOW. THERE IS SO MUCH OTHER STUFF I COULDNT GET INTO BUT SERIOUSLY THIS SONG IS SO SO SO PERFECT FOR HIM

[natjennie]

gets down on one knee and opens a ring box. inside the box is a piece of paper reading "ghosts fic recs?"

are you sure you want to do this. you don't have to do this. because I just spent half an hour making a google doc. you've done this to yourself..

ghosts fics

general:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39788370 The Haunting Of Button House, what if shane and ryan buzzfeedunsolved investigated the house? it’s fucking hysterical is what if.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/44176099 there til it’s gone, alison bumps her head again and can’t see the ghosts anymore and it’s exactly as heartbreaking as you think it would be

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33273475 And So On and So Forth, imagine a future where alison grows old and finally passes away so she can hang out with the ghosts for real. ok now try to stop crying.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33201640 when the smaller picture is the same as the bigger picture (I’ll love some littler things), alison thinks about the ghosts and it is um. tragic. did you know?

cap-centric bc im me:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/47655670 …And A Rainbow! cap and kitty have a gay little sleepover! yippee!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/36796477 Butterscotch, cap autism moments simulator. he gets overwhelmed at a party and pat sits with him

https://archiveofourown.org/works/46425295 The Dreams That You Dare To Dream, another one by spineless-lobster hello, based on an angsty text post I made, rips my heart out and it was MY idea. that’s just rude.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30025770 A man is not very tired, he is exhausted, idk how to describe this one like I can’t do it justice. the first tag is just “the captain remembers” and yeah that feels right.

capvers:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27044512 if rome hadn’t fallen, havers fantasizes about what can never be

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26857282 a soldier can sleep in any warzone, what if I never stopped crying. havers memories.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31028219 Exercise in Wanting, the most tender 2k blowjob you’ve ever read

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27875726 rabbits wrapped in velvet, cap and havers exchange christmas gifts. I sob inconsolably.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35163190 someday, sweetheart, one of a handful where havers is a ghost that somehow gets to button house, but also it’s christmas and they’re sweet.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27167254/chapters/70371735#workskin I couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted (ah, but I'm singing like a bird, 'bout it now), button house hosts a wwii museum exhibit, cap thinks of havers

https://archiveofourown.org/works/46311469 as no men love for long, what if havers was a wwi soldier who died and he ghost-ed during cap’s life? sure, why not!

patcap:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35568760/chapters/88672456 Out of Touch, okay sobbing crying wailing, absolutely touching relationship with pat and cap and daley, warning for child illness and death

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35665516/chapters/88925122 The Baker, an ultimate favorite, au where cap was like a secret agent hitman, he’s trying to escape that life, hides out in Button, a village where everyone else lives. it’s incredible I love it so much.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/45870337/chapters/115444147 Flies on the Wall and Elephants in the Room, half the ghosts become invisible to the other half, they think they got sucked off, it’s heartbreaking

https://archiveofourown.org/works/37282168 forced proximity, the first of many by hounds_of_love, I’m obsessed with their work, basically cap is snowed in to pat’s house, features him being very autistic and also they fuck. and pat’s trans.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/37460623/chapters/93486928 the quick and the dead, VAMPIRES!!!!! cap’s a vampire!!!! cap’s a vampire seeking a roommate and pat needs a place to stay and doesn’t see some very obvious red flags

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33225691/chapters/82495348 adored, the CLASSIC, pat and cap are teachers and they chaperone a school trip to france and hate each other and fail at trying not to fuck

capulian:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32169565 A Rainstorm, A Lightning Rod, CAP TRAUMA!!!!! and julian being less of an asshole than usual

chess husbands:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/42132657 Made Our Cave An Everywhere, light sexual content but mostly some melancholy existentialism. yknow how it is.

I can't do anymore or format this better rn bc my gummy just kicked in, love and light.

[saint-sebastian-coded]

I COULDNT UTTER MY LOVE WHEN IT COUNTED AH BUT IM SINGING LIKE A BIRD BOUT IT NOW

I COULDN'T WHISPER WHEN YOU NEEDED IT SHOUTED AH BUT I'M SINGING LIKE A BIRD BOUT IT YOU

[dogsmouth]

shrike by hozier will never fail to make me cry like a fucking baby

[bellamyblakru]

thank you so much @badthingshappenbingo !!! all of these are incredible and angsty asf and i can’t wait to start writing!!

so, stealing this idea from queen aj, i thought it would be cool to see if anyone wanted to request one of the squares + what POV and/or ship👀 you want me to write!

since im literally a merlin blog now, all the character POVs i think i could write in are:

Merlin

Arthur Pendragon

Gwaine

Lancelot

Gwen (perhaps? never done it but it would be fun)

Anyone, really, if you want someone else’s POV

Ships i could write for:

Merthur (honesty this would be my favorite and probably the best since i do it all the time lmfao)

Merwaine (sure😌i love them too)

Merlance, my beloved

Or, if you wanted, just a gen fic between Merlin/anyone, or another pair, ill try to do that too!!

my ask box is open!!🥺 and my ao3 can be found here if you were curious about what i normally write💞

finished prompts:

i couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted. ah, but i'm singing like a bird 'bout it now

be still, my foolish heart, don’t ruin this on me

when you move, i could never define all that you are to me.

i won't let you go (‘cause wherever you are is home)

[loves-quinns]

Listening to hozier and wow the Hannah / Owen implications of "i couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted / ah, but im singing like a bird about it now"

Expect to hear from my lawyer I’m suing you for emotional distress

[shark-myths]

shrike by hozier is a girl out boy peterick song.............................. im emo “I couldn't utter my love when it counted Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now And I couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now”

fuck. yes.