#i couldn't help myself when i saw suits as an option

[cervidaecorpse]

Thank you @lazyheartcomputer for giving me ideas. :)

I'm at a crossroads with Phaser's coat and in the hopes of finding a friend, I found a worse enemy. Braids.

[moonkitty59]

a second chance?

• Somewhere unknown •

I don't know when the world became so dark. Everything was black and dark, I couldn't see where my brothers and Lila were.

I was walking around trying to find a way out of that dark place, but it felt like I was walking in circles because I never found a way out of that place.

I was already getting tired so I went to a corner of the room, until I saw a bench with no back that allowed 3 people to sit on it. I went to him and sat down.

I stared into space with sad eyes remembering everything that happened and the things I did.

How could I have done this? Having hurt Diego by betraying his trust with his own wife. The mother of your children.

How could I fall in love with crazy Lila? I never liked her lovingly. Why had I done that? Kissed her. Remembering this gives me chills.

I let my brothers die with no option for them to be happy for once. I always ruin their moment of happiness.

But the biggest feeling I feel from all of them is guilt. I should have apologized to Diego, he didn't deserve it at all.

If I could meet them all again I would apologize to them all for everything.

I'm so focused on my thoughts that I don't realize I'm staring into space. I come out of the trance by blinking a few times, I see a light opening out of nowhere, almost looking like a portal.

I get up and walk slowly to the portal, before entering it I observe it for a while. I put my left hand inside him slowly and see that everything is ok. I felt like everything was fine, I decided to enter the portal completely.

Until everything went dark.

October 3, 2024

--- Bye, lady swan. --- I wave to the kind lady who gave me a job perhaps temporarily.

--- See you tomorrow, darling. --- says the gray-haired lady. --- be careful on the street! --- she says, worried about me walking down the street at dusk.

I quickly look at the lady. --- don't worry, lady swan! --- I say to reassure her.

I leave through the glass door of the coffee maker and walk down the almost deserted street. I put my hands in the pockets of my red coat and look up to admire the sky for a moment. I look back at the path and walk until I reach a park. I decide to go inside and take a look before I go home.

I get close to a lake and watch the ducks swimming in it for a while. Until I saw in the corner of my eye a person who looked like he was lying down, moving in pain.

I look scared at the unknown person and see a guy who looked to be 19 or maybe 20 years old wearing a nice black suit and a coat, lying on the floor moaning softly in pain.

I take my hands out of my red overcoat and go to him slowly to help him, but still a little scared.

Still looking at him I say: --- is everything ok?? --- I say slowly approaching the unknown guy. --- need help? --- I say with concern in my voice.

With his eyes closed he just nods yes.

--- Okay. Okay. --- I take my phone out of my bag and call for help. --- Hi, there's a guy down here in Parque City. I don't know, I just saw him lying here. Okay. Okay. --- I hang up the phone to watch the guy until the ambulance arrives.

I sit down on the wooden bench nearby to rest a little. What have I gotten myself into?

The ambulance didn't take long to arrive, they put the unknown guy in the car and took him to the hospital.

They told me to come along as they needed some information.

Sighing, I agreed to go along, but wanting to get it over with so I could sleep soundly in my bed.

I arrive at the place and sit at reception to wait for someone to call me. I end up dozing off in the hospital chair, but someone shakes me, waking me up instantly. He looks at her and I see that she is a nurse.

--- miss, Mr. Max wants to see you. --- she says with a clipboard in her hand looking at me.

Mr Max? Who is Max? Could it be the expensive one I found in the park?

--- Oh... Ok. --- I get up with my body a little sore and follow the nurse to room 005 where "Max" was. She knocks lightly on the door and we hear a "come in" through the door. The nurse opens the door and lets me in.

I walk in and see the guy sitting on the hospital bed in the center of the room. He looks up from the book in his lap to look at me.

--- You must be the girl who saved me. Right? --- he says with a raised eyebrow.

I shake my head looking into his beautiful green eyes.

Damn, I didn't imagine he was that handsome.

I feel my breath almost hitch feeling his intense gaze. I look at the floor and start touching the edge of my blouse shyly, feeling intimidated perhaps?

--- Yes sir.. --- I say slowly.

He notices my shy state and gives a small mischievous smile. He looks me up and down and lets out a laugh, scaring me a little with his almost hoarse voice.

--- Well, you don't need to be so shy, dear. --- says in a hoarse voice. --- I called you here to meet the beautiful girl as they say and to say thank you for helping me. --- looks at me intensely.

I lift my gaze and look at him. --- no need to thank me. You looked hurt, so the right thing was to help you. --- I say.

He gives a small smile and was about to say something else, only for someone to enter the room.

--- Mr. Max, visiting time is over. --- the pretty nurse says. --- Come on ma'am, we need to let Mr. Max rest. --- she says, making room for me to pass through the door.

I take one last look at Max and walk to the door. But I stop for a few seconds when he speaks.

--- It was nice meeting you, beautiful lady, I hope to see you again someday! --- he says.

My breathing catches but returns to normal, I quickly walk out the door for fear of falling for the green-eyed guy's charms.

What have I gotten myself into?

author's note: sorry for any typos! :)

[marshmallowprotection]

Wow your tags absolutely broke my heart for him :( The image you painted is heartwrenching and, unfortunately, also relatable in a way. Ouch. I know that feeling of wanting your abusive mother to be there, even if it means you'll probably have to bear through her harsh words or, in worse instances, physical beatings. Reminds me of than VN between him and Rika when he saw his mom dead. Ugh. I just want to hold him.

Yeah. I haven't been able to shake that one from my head when it comes to Ray and Suit Saeran's feelings about their birth mother. We're well aware that neither one of them hates her, even though there would never be any judgment if they did confess to hating Mother Choi somewhere along the line. GE Saeran says it best, I think, when it comes to how he feels about it.

As much as that woman tortured him, Saeran's view always comes to the same conclusion. "I don't think she was 100% evil. I think she was a cruel woman, but I can't find it in myself to hate her because... there was a time when she protected us from our Father." Now, I know he's not clueless. He knows that his Mother used him and Saeyoung to be able to get money for her addiction. He knows she didn't value them.

But, this is Saeran, he wants to understand why people come to the conclusions they do so he can better understand himself. He wants to know why his Mother was like that, but he'll never get the chance to speak to her because... she's dead. He wants to grieve her death, because nobody will. She wasn't a good person, but Saeran just can't imagine not giving her some kindness despite her never giving him a single ounce of kindness.

Saeran's got a kinder soul than anyone I've ever met. The people he offers kindness to don't deserve it, but he offers it because he wants to be better than they were to him. He wants to end the cycle of hurt and hatred in his own way, and I respect that. It's how he wants to get peace and it's important he has the chance to get what he needs for his closure.

How I phrased it in your tags is how I saw Suit Saeran's perspective on the matter when it came to his childhood. Even though he's well aware that being around his mother would be the worst thing for him, he still wanted her there because... having her there was better than being alone. He didn't want to be alone. He wanted to have someone there for him so the idea of succumbing to illness or isolation would never overwhelm him when he had to wait for Saeyoung or his Mom to come home.

Saeran's worst fear is being alone in the darkness.

No matter how complicated his feelings are about his mother, the idea of being alone until his very last breath is terrifying. Saeyoung always told his little brother that they were the same. If Saeyoung got something, then Saeran got it, too. If Saeyoung was strong, that meant that Saeran was strong, too. As long as they were together, they could be strong together, and without his older brother there to help him feel strong, the idea of strength is ripped away from them and rewritten. 

That's how Rika gets inside his head, after all.

To Saeran, in that thunderstorm of yours, he could only think of one thing. "Would I rather be alone in a house that might crumble in on me during a thunderstorm, or would I rather have my mother there, screaming at me during the storm for crying my eyes out?" He would rather have his Mother there. Because, at least then, he... wouldn't be all by himself. The twins strength comes from each other because it's all they had growing up, and tearing them apart rattles their peace of mind and comfort.

If he couldn't have his brother there, he would rather have the only other option afforded to him... even though that would mean he'd be trapped under his mother's abuse and cruelty. He would much rather choose to be with her because the option without her would leave him alone... and being alone means he's a sitting duck for his father to kill him, or for something else to destroy him first.

Would you rather pick the devil you know or the devil you don't? 

Sometimes, that's one of the main reasons why people are afraid to leave situations they're trapped in. They don't know if it'll be worse outside of what they already know, and they think they can handle what they've already been forced to go through. I understand that feeling quite well. 

The answer at the end of the day will always be to prioritize yourself and make sure that you're safe, even if you have to make it difficult decision in the end. But that doesn't mean you're not allowed to have complicated feelings about it, and this is a situation where there are complicated and messy feelings. I just... ugh. It's so complicated for Saeran and Ray when it comes to their mother, and they never get to have a more in-depth conversation about it, and even with GE Saeran and his feelings, there's not as much there as I wanted to hear about.

[violet-jessop]

i had my first therapy session today.

90 minutes with a psychologist who i'm booked to see once a week for the next 5 weeks.

a friend asked me if i was nervous last night when i told her, and i had to think on it. i found i wasn't. it was strange because logically i think i should have been, but i couldn't muster any real feelings about it. i felt indifferent. resigned.

i know that's probably not what she wanted to hear, but i think lying in this instance would have just given her false hope.

to get to this point has been such a shit show.

self harming since a decade ago this year, suicidal on and off for at least for the last eight. tried to seek help in 2019 only to get put on 10 times the starting dose of some random antidepressant and told to fuck off with no follow up and automatically renewing prescriptions. stopped taking those after a year or so with no real improvement. things have just steadily declined.

last year was okay, probably the most okay i've felt for an extended period since 2014. but now it's almost worse because i saw it could be okay, and now it's not again.

finding a psych that met my needs was near on impossible. my only two criteria were trans (or just a queer person who i could feel like less of a freak with) and able to deal with SI - and that left me with one option via telehealth. booked in to do a 15 minute consultation with her she was 30 minutes late to the session, so i assumed i'd been forgotten. then when she eventually called she didn't even acknowledge it.

getting the mental health care plan from my GP was so degrading. i went to a different doc because i didn't trust the last guy who is just so happy to write prescriptions. but the new guy was no better. clearly thought i didn't need any of this, wrote maybe 2 lines on the mhcp documents, left most of it blank, didn't even bother to sign it. said he performed the k10 which he didn't. straight up wrote that i seemed fine based on "good eye contact and engages well". and he never even sent it to the identity clinic, i had to chase him to obtain a copy so i could send it off myself.

and today rolls around. we have our session. what was supposed to cost me 134 out of pocket cost me 250 unexpectedly, so after the appointment they had to call me several times because my account had insufficient funds because i only had enough for what they'd told me it would cost.

in the session she misgendered me. she said "as a woman with autism. oh, i assume you're she/her right?". which was wild as a psych who works for the "identity clinic" - where i had to fill in a million forms that included my pronouns in multiple places. where i had sent an inquiry to find out if they had anyone on staff who would suit a non-binary person with SI. and then the SI, where i mentioned it as something i'd like to work through, and she pretty much told me if i talk about that sort of stuff in a non-joking way she'll have to make sure i'm institutionalised. so i had to play it off as a joke. as hyperbole. the two things, such basic things i thought. so what am i here for again? is what's wrong with me so taboo i can't even pay a medical professional $250 to let me speak about it? is my soul so putrid? if anyone ever tries to force me into inpatient i'll put on a pine overcoat as soon as possible, that's not up for debate.

so we talked about other things, and i cried in front of another person for the first time in ages and it wasn't even cathartic it was just for the shame of admitting my failings out loud. and she told me maybe my anxiety is just autistic meltdown which i know isn't right, i know the difference. she walked me through diaphragmatic breathing like i was 5. she recommended i buy airpods and try burlesque. it reminded me of Jo telling me i should try drumming circles around the time of my first attempt.

so i suppose i was right in feeling indifferent. i had enough hope left to try, but not enough to be hopeful. i really don't have the energy to go through this all again. time is ticking down, 128 weeks at best. i suppose i'll give her another two sessions and see. but if she doesn't work out i think that's me done. how many times am i expected to try? it was already mortifying enough. i know Tal will be angry, but i just don't have it in me to keep doing this over and over. every failed attempt at getting better just adds more weight, reaffirms what i already suspected.

and the statistics of it. either i've encountered consistently bad medical practitioners OR the problem lies with me. at this point statistically it has to be me, there's just been too many failings. especially when i see so many friends drive the same road without issue. yet i keep hitting roadblock after roadblock. at what point do i just acknowledge that i'm a bad driver? maybe it's been roadblock after roadblock because there's nothing else, there is no good ending. i shouldn't be on the road to begin with.

[misc-obeyme]

Thinking about Lucifer knowing Spanish, and I love the idea that he picked it up on his own (HELP, IMAGINE HE LEARNED IT SUPER FAST BEFORE THE EXCHANGE STARTED ONCE HE SAW MY FILE, THAT'D ALSO BE FUNNY). But if Lucifer ever scolded me in Spanish, I'd fr burst into tears and turn into the biggest goody two shoes 💀 (for at least a few days). Like I already hate being lectured, but something about it being in Spanish just 😭 it feels sooo much worse (maybe because there's so much emotion in the language? Dialect? Very big disappointed mom vibes.)

also IT AIN'T GONNA BE ME CONFESSING, THAT'S FOR SURE. Or if I did, it'd be in the most round about way or by accident (catch me pulling a Mammon like in that car ride drabble.). I am saying it in EVERY WHICH WAY except saying 'ily' outright.

It wasn't my day for dinner but you came home sad, and suddenly I'm cooking and it's your favorite dish? Psh, don't mean nothing, I was craving it too. I found a super shiny coin and gifted it to you? I have plentyyy (don't think about the fact I keep shiny coins from the current year in my bag for good luck, and it's the first one I've found all year). I'm spending my last pieces of grimm to buy us a treat to share bc we passed our exam? Well, it'd be wrong if I only got myself one... (true story, spent my last $10 on chipotle kids meals for me and my friend/coworker so we could eat because we were both broke and had two days left to payday)

Mammon will need to grab me by the shoulders and shake me because I would not believe he's into me. I'd come up with an excuse for any evidence that he is into me 💀 He could be like "GET IT THROUGH THAT THICK SKULL OF YOURS THAT I HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU!" and I'd be like "you wot? you're joking right?"

like I said, I'm denying it to hell and back because it's scary af !! I've only been in love 2.5 times, and the first time I was brushing off my feelings and making excuses. And then one day I had the "Oh. Oh... Aw, fuck." moment and became a mess around them. I've always been wary of romance (my only relationship ended up toxic, and I became more wary lol)

But the same thing happened with Mammon becoming my fave 😭 I was thinking about other characters (along with Mammon) like Levi, Beel, and Dia. But then everything about Mammon made me fall a little more without realizing, even while I was trying to deny it. I'd get asked my fave character, and I couldn't choose, but Mammon was always an option. And one day I had the "Aw, shit" moment. He won me over with his dumbass ways, heart of gold, and terrible bandaging skills.

*head in hands* THIS MAN MAKES ME WRITE ESSAYS BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH WORDS TO EXPRESS HOW I FEEL AAAA

anyway I am excited for the new lessons !! my cards are powered UP ! also I got a sketch and lineart update on one of my comms and 😭🫶 literally wanted to jump around at work because it's so perfect and cute (it's me and Mammon cuddling in bed AND RHEY PUT HIM IN A TANK TOP SND YOU CSN SEE HIS MUSCLRS AKDKD)

anyway. I am. so Normal about this. aha... OKAY I AM SENDING GOOD VIBES, AND HOPE YOU HAVE A LOVELY DAY AND FIND $10 ON THE GROUND TOMORROW (ALSO APPLIES TO ANYONE READING THIS) OKAY BYEEE

- ✨ anon

Disappointed mom vibes lolol. I think that would suit Lucifer really well, actually. He has those vibes anyway, make him lecture in Spanish and it's just even better~

Er. Well. I like when strict characters start scolding people, so perhaps my opinion is invalid in this case. I just find it very funny and it makes me want to tease them so bad.

Anyway, here's my opinion on romance: yes, it's scary af. But it's worth the risk.

Any time you enter into a relationship with someone, especially if there are intense feelings involved, you're taking a risk. No matter what, even in friendship and other such types of relationships. The way to get close to someone is to be vulnerable with them. And there's always the chance that the person you're being vulnerable with will take that as an opportunity to hurt you. But not everybody will. And you'll miss out on the people who won't if you just... don't even try, you know what I mean?

Ehhhh sorry to get all deep on you like that, but I've seen this kinda thing plenty of times in my life. I'm that person everybody tells all their relationship woes to and then I give them advice that they never take. And then it always turns out that I was right all along lol.

I also kinda think it's okay to fall in love with someone but never act on it. Sometimes it feels like I fall in love with everyone I meet. But sometimes you legit fall in love with someone who just... isn't the right one for you. And you know it, so there's no point in trying to pursue anything. And the feelings fade as that person moves on with their life and it just becomes a fond memory.

For what it's worth, I don't think Mammon would ever give up on you. He's not as dumb as everyone makes him out to be. He's actually quite emotionally intelligent. As soon as he finally figured out his own feelings and was able to accept them, he would clock onto yours. And if someone straight up told him (such as one of his brothers), I think he'd keep reaching out to you, keep trying for you, keep doing his best to make it so you're comfortable enough with him to be honest about how you feel~

Anyway, this is just me being a hopeless romantic lol!

Welcome to the Writing Essays About Fictional Characters You Love Club! lol honestly I get so embarrassed about how much I have to say sometimes...

I'm also excited about new lessons! And your commission sounds amazing already!

Sending the good vibes right back to you! May we all find $10 on the ground!!

[my-own-walker]

Someone You've Never Seen Before

A Kyle Spencer Fan Fiction

frat!kyle AU, fem!main character, sexual themes, mature language, use of drugs and alcohol, frat boy antics

9.

I'd never thought of myself as pretty. In fact, I'd never really thought of myself at all. Sure, I took pride in what I wore, but that was just about where the vanity stopped. My looks were the least of my worries.

But I seemed to care so much more about them suddenly. It felt like my skin didn't sit right over my bones. I found myself staring in the mirror, scrutinizing every detail on my face. The pores, the size of my lips, the bags that seemed to crop up overnight under my eyes. It was new to me to feel this way. To feel, I guess, not pretty.

In the week after the party (and my overnight stay), I kept mostly to myself. Despite not wanting to show up to Calculus class, I knew I had to. I sat quietly next to Kyle and took notes diligently, not saying a word to him.

I couldn't shake this disgusting feeling of both guilt and anxiety when I was near him. It was, in short, a rough few days. I would wake up, scrutinize my appearance, try in vain to dress myself, go to class, feel awful, then go back home and lay in agonizing silence, trying to quiet my thoughts.

That was, until Wednesday night. My phone lit up and buzzed on my nightstand. I sat across the room at my desk, reading a book for one of my other classes when the noise distracted me. Determined to finish the chapter I was on before checking it, I put my head back down and re-focused. Until another text alert came through. And another.

"Damn, chill," I spoke, thinking aloud. I strode across the room and stooped down to look at the screen, my stomach dropping when I saw who was multi-texting me.

Kyle: Hey Hannah.

Kyle: Just reminding you. Meeting tomorrow at mine.

Kyle: See you soon!

"Aw fuck," I groaned. I flopped, face-first onto my bed, which was thankfully right next to where my phone lay. "Motherfucker," I mumbled into the fabric of my duvet. For one, I didn't want to see Kyle in an intimate setting, such as his room, ever again. I also did not want to return to the KLG house, fearing that someone had seen me fleeing on Saturday morning.

Our weekly meeting for our Calculus project snuck up on me. While I would have much preferred for us to meet at my place, I knew that wouldn't do.

The inside of my shared apartment with Lily was pretty strangely decorated. Lily and I were lovers of all things fun and odd, and our interior design choices reflected it. Our couch was royal purple, and decorated with several random throw pillows and stuffed animals. We placed billiard balls in a decorative bowl on the cowboy-themed coffee table we found at an estate sale.

I refused to use overhead lighting, which drove Lily crazy. She yielded to me, though, a person who commonly got migraines, so everything was lit a warm yellow and striking pink, thanks to the miscellaneous strings of light I hung everywhere.

It was a small place, but it did the trick for the two of us. It wasn't great for entertaining, and the way we decorated it didn't help. It overwhelmed the space. We understood that. 

Because of how small the place was, there would be no way to avoid Lily, who simply couldn't help but either flirt or mess with any frat guy in her sight. She also couldn't help but bust my balls, so if her flirting went nowhere, she would accuse Kyle of being my boyfriend and insist upon making him super uncomfortable. With Lily set on bugging us, we'd never get anything done. 

My room was not exactly an option either. It sat right across from Lily's bedroom. It was small, dark, and plastered with posters. I had no issue keeping it clean enough, but it wasn't suited for people to hang out in there, let alone a frat boy. I assumed he probably wouldn't enjoy members of The Smiths or The Rolling Stones staring at him from the walls.

I digress, Kyle's place was the only option. And at that moment, it felt like an impossible mountain to climb, an incredible obstacle to overcome. 

+

The time came, much before I would have liked for it to, to head over to meet Kyle. Except, I stood in my room, surrounded by discarded outfits on the floor, staring at myself in the mirror, frustrated. Why was it that I couldn't seem to piece together the right articles of clothing? No matter what I put on, I managed to see something I didn't like about myself.

With little-to-no time left to pick, I settled on a tee with a black skirt and knee-high socks. I felt like shit, but I needed to jet if I was going to make it on time. 

The walk there was quick and painless. I arrived at exactly 7 pm, our agreed time. Kyle stood waiting for me on the stoop again, knowing I'd need ushering through the house.

"Hey Hannah," he called to me as I walked up the drive.

"Hi," I said, simply. I met him on the porch, waiting for him to lead the way. He opened the door and led me through the house, heading straight for the stairs and to his room. In the upstairs hallway, this time, though, stood Archie Brenner, the other KLG guy in mine and Kyle's Calc class. He paused and looked at me with an unreadable expression. I cast my eyes down and continued on.

"Hey," Archie called after us. We both spun to face him, surprised. "Are you seriously meeting for the project now? And this often?"

"Yes," Kyle replied lowly. "Strictly business."

"You two fuckin' try-hards," he laughed, shaking his head as he walked away. I sighed inwardly, having expected way worse.

We made it the rest of the way unscathed and settled in his room, I on the couch and he on the ground. The center of the room was a mess, the small area on the floor covered with books and papers. He sat in the center of it all, a spot he'd likely carved out for himself in the chaos.

"Sorry," he chuckled bashfully. "Lot of makeup work and current work."

"Did you miss a lot of school?" I asked, pulling my Calculus materials out of my bag. Kyle sighed and ran a hand through his curly blonde hair.

"I missed Friday and a couple of classes on Monday," he answered. "It all just piled up so fast." He laughed, scratching the back of his head while looking down at his mess.

"Do you need time to work on all of it? We can be quick so I can leave-"

"No, no," Kyle interrupted. "It's nice to have a break and actually speak with another human."

"Can I help?" I offered.

"I wish. I'll be okay," he smiled, setting a few books aside to make room for his Calculus materials. "I think we should decide what differentiation scenario we want to take on." He stuck his pen in his mouth and bit down, holding it in his teeth while flipping to the correct page in his notebook. My stomach twisted while watching him, almost as if I were homesick.

"Yeah, that makes sense."

+

"No, no, it is," Kyle argued, standing to join me on the couch. He flopped down next to me, scrolling through his phone frantically to prove his point.

"A number cannot possibly be lucky or unlucky," I protested, crossing my arms. "The stigma around the number 13 is ludicrous. And 7 isn't lucky either."

"Hannah," he spoke sternly, cocking his head to the side as he looked at me, lips tight. "You can't possibly be a non-believer. You look the part of a believer."

"I look the part?"

"Yeah with your, I guess, like weirdo style," he tried to clarify, looking back down at his phone.

"Weirdo?! Are you serious right now?" I cackled. 

"I meant, like, artsy, I don't know," he muttered, dismissing my feigned shock. "Here!" He held his phone out and showed me the door of a home, donning the number 66.

"Yes?"

"Like I said, 66 is my unlucky number," he explained, turning the phone back to himself. He stared at the image for a moment, lost in thought. I waited before interrupting his thought.

"Are you going to explain, or?" I tried, sarcastically.

"Uh, yeah," Kyle murmured, locking his phone. "That was my old house."

"Oh," I managed, sensing the shift in his tone. He put his phone down on the couch cushion next to him and looked back over at me, a strange look on his face.

"We lost it during Katrina. My dad had just cut out," he continued. "Nothing but bad things happened there."

"Gosh, I'm sorry Kyle," I whispered, not sure how to proceed.

"No, I brought it up, it's fine," he sniffed, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand. "Brought it upon myself, I guess." He laughed sardonically.

"Doesn't make it any less shitty," I replied.

"Yeah, the situation was just, bad," he uttered, staring off over my left shoulder. "My mom isn't exactly all there, either. She's not right. Hard to live with." He shifted to face me better, resting his elbow on the back of the sofa.

I wasn't sure what to say, so I just nodded.

"After we lost our house, things got bad between my mom and me," Kyle went on, further spelling out a detail I didn't know about him. "I never had it good with my parents, but that year was the worst. Since then it's gotten even more bad. So I'm here."

"What do you mean?"

"I live pretty close to school but I live here because I can't live with her," he relayed. "It's okay because it's all on my dime. I'll be an engineer and make my money and be able to avoid her forever."

"Well, you have a plan at least," I returned."That's something."

"I got involved here so I don't have to go back there," he said. Kyle inhaled sharply as if he had broken out of a trance and smiled. "I'm sorry, I should stop."

I sat forward, putting a hand on his knee. "No, I'm sorry," I laughed. "I'm not good at finding things to say."

"It was nice that you listened," he hummed, looking down at my hand on his leg. I removed it quickly and crossed my arms, looking at him, almost pleading for him to change the subject with my eyes. "Do you want to get coffee or something this weekend?"

It was not the subject change I expected. In fact, words wouldn't even claw their way up my throat or fight through my lips. They sat in stunned silence in my head, frozen in shock. I mustered a nod, agreeing.

"Sunday?"

"Yeah, that works," I blurted, silently kicking myself that only those three words could muster the courage to leave the safety of my mouth.

Previous Part | Next Part

[finkinthisfrew]

Anything (Pt.39)

Saying goodbye at the airport was hard. Walking away was even harder. But seeing Matty's tear-stained face trying to hold a smile as he waved goodbye made turning down the corridor next to impossible. It took everything in me not to collapse after I rounded the corner out of sight, but I held strong. I held back until I buckled myself into the plane seat, finally allowing myself to replay the passionate kiss Matty gave me before we parted in my mind. 

His kiss was urgent, but his lips were gentle, tender against mine which quivered with sadness. His hand weaved its way through my hair, caressing my scalp sweetly, his other on my lower back, pressing me closer against his needy body. His lips never left mine for more than a second as he kissed me over and over, each kiss harder and more passionate than the last, up until the very last moment before I had to leave. I kept replaying the kiss over and over in my mind as we took off, my silent sobs only waning when the flight attendants approached during mealtimes. 

Eventually, I fell asleep, exhausted from crying, and too numb to do anything else. After the taxi ride home, Matty called me back after he got off stage, apologizing profusely between tears for not being there to answer my call when I landed and telling me he missed me more than anything. Once I got upstairs and tossed my luggage aside, I peeled off my clothes and crawled into bed, propping my phone up against the pillow next to me, and lay down to watch Matty make his way back to his hotel. By the time he got back and crawled under his own covers, it was well past 4:00 am in London. I didn't care though- I didn't even notice. It didn't matter how late it was, or how exhausted I felt, all I cared about was being with him- even if it was only through a phone.

We lay watching each other on our screens, tears coming in waves, interjected with the occasional little 'I miss you so much...' or 'I love you'. We fell asleep together on the phone, and I slept heavily and dreamlessly up until the early afternoon.

As I lay curled up in a ball under my duvet watching Matty's chest rise and fall in the corner of the screen, his face angelic as he slept, I fought internally over what to do. I could get up and start my day and go to the pottery studio to work, or I could do what I really wanted to do, which was lay in bed and let myself cry all day. I knew what the responsible choice was, but it felt too heavy- too much. The thought of going on with my day when everything felt wrong seemed impossible. How was I supposed to live my life if the love of my life wasn't here? I flip-flopped back and forth for a while, my train of thought breaking as I saw Matty's eyes squint open sleepily.

"You look a bit grumpy this morning," I heard my favourite voice on the planet tease from my phone. Seeing his sleepy face looking at me through half-open eyes made me miss waking up in his arms terribly, but his little smile was so cute that even in my dismal state I couldn't help but smile back. 

"I was just trying to decide what to do today," I blushed as I picked up the phone and sat up quietly in bed. I watched him yawn and stretch his arms before he followed suit, picking up his phone and propping himself up against the headboard.

"What are our options?" he asked sweetly. I loved how he said 'our'. It made him feel a little less far away. I smiled even bigger at that, and he grinned widely back at me.

"Well, my first option is going into the studio and begging whoever's in today to let me get caught up on the boatload of work I'm now behind on... I have so much to get done before next weekend, and I thought I'd have more pieces finished by now," I started to ramble, not mentioning the reason I was so behind was because I had left two days earlier than expected for my trip. I didn't want to make him feel guilty.

"That sounds like a nice option. What's option number two?" he asked curiously as he twirled a piece of his hair absentmindedly with his finger.

"...crying in bed all day..." I replied sheepishly.

"Oh, petal," he said, his voice full of tenderness as his brow creased with sadness. 

"I know, I know... I'm aware of how lame that sounds now that I say it out loud..." I said as I put a hand up to cover my reddened cheek.

"That's not lame, darling. Your pain is the furthest thing from lame..." he reassured me gently.

Neither of us wanted to trigger the tears that threatened both of our eyes, so we just sat in silence for a few moments looking at each other sadly.

"I think going to the studio is a great idea, you should go," Matty said gently, eventually breaking the silence. "Don't give me that look of skepticism!" he said smiling cheekily at my now frowning face. "You know I'm right!"

I couldn't help but laugh. And as terrible as it felt to be apart, things felt different this time. Don't get me wrong. I felt heavy, exhausted, broken and defeated, but I felt something beneath all of that this time. A strong foundation, unmoveable and unbreakable. Matty and I were in this together this time, and I wasn't going to feel so lonely again. I knew it- I could feel it.

I sighed over-dramatically as a tear escaped my eye.

"I don't want to admit you're right, but I'm too sad to fight, so I'll let you win this time," I said with a small smile. I saw Matty's eyes soften at the tear rolling down my cheek and I could almost feel his thumb wiping it away gently through the phone.

"We could spend the day together!" Matty said as his eyes lit up. "Maybe I could keep you company today while you work?" Matty suggested. "If you'd like it?"

"I'd love your company," I said with a smile, my heart swelling at the thought. "But is that possible? You're so busy," I said worriedly, not wanting to get in the way of his schedule, "And I mean... do you think it's sustainable if we just Facetime all the time whenever you're on tour? We can't do that forever..."

"I think we've learned cold turkey doesn't work for us," Matty said softly with a playful smirk. "We can ease into it- spend some more time together on the phone until we've acclimatized ourselves to being apart, then maybe cut back a little once things don't feel as fresh," he suggested thoughtfully. "I've got nothing going on until the show tonight," Matty continued happily. "Come on, let me keep you company for today. We're taking a bus to the next show tonight anyway, so I can hang out all day until the show if you'd like! Maybe it'll make things a little easier."

I thought today was going to be a terrible day full of tears and numbness, but I felt so much lighter knowing I'd have Matty's company. I couldn't help but smile at the idea.

"I'd love to," I said, my heart fluttering as a giant smile of relief spread on Matty's face.

We chatted casually about Matty's schedule for the next few days as I got dressed to go to the studio. I pulled on a pair of navy Adidas shorts and a white baby tee before heading to the washroom to brush my teeth. Matty hopped out of bed and rushed into his own bathroom to join me.

"I -ih I -oo -ee yo- -oo-uh," Matty mumbled as he brushed his teeth, white foam spilling out of the corner of his mouth.

"Huh?" I said through my own full mouth. 

He bent out of the frame to spit the toothpaste out of his mouth before returning with a big smile.

"I wish I could steal your toothbrush," he repeated with a cheeky grin.

I couldn't help but smile back, my heart fluttering at the thought of his hand on mine, stealing the brush like he always did.

"That's the one nice thing about being apart," I said jokingly as I rolled my eyes.

Matty dropped his mouth in mock offence.

"I can't believe you'd say that," he said, clutching his chest dramatically as we both laughed.

We chatted happily my whole walk over to the studio. I was immensely lucky- no one was there when I arrived and the booking sheet only had one name written down for 9:00 pm that evening. I had the place to myself until then.

I worked away at the wheel for hours, chatting about everything with Matty, watching him journey to breakfast, waving hello to the band, listening to him play guitar on the tour bus, telling each other stories as they came to mind, and just staring wistfully at each other as we let the static of silence play through our phones. It was sad but nice. I was so grateful he'd suggested we spend the day together- he was right. It did make everything a little easier.

It was well past dinner and I had an hour left until I had to leave. I was almost completely caught up on my work and was pushing to get ahead now when I saw someone was calling me. I leaned towards the screen which I had propped up on a stool across from me, squinting to read the name as Matty's head looked up from his guitar.

"What's up, darling?" he asked curiously.

"Carly's calling me- can I call you back?" I asked as I wiped my hands quickly with a rag.

"Of course. Actually, we're just getting to the venue and we have to start sound check in a minute. Shall I call you back once I'm done? Maybe we can watch a movie together before you go to bed or something- have ourselves a little date night," he suggested with a little smile.

I beamed back at him.

"I'd love that," I said happily as he smiled back at me. "Have a good sound check! I love you!" 

"I love you too, Anna," Matty said sweetly, his eyes scanning my face lovingly before hanging up the phone.

I quickly accepted Carly's call before it could go to voice mail.

"Hello?" I answered curiously.

"Hi, Anna! Welcome back! How was the trip?" Carly asked pleasantly. I really liked Carly, she was such a kind person- she and Adam were so perfect for each other, it warmed my heart thinking about it.

"It was great! Way too short," I admitted sadly, "but perfect. I wish you could have come!" 

"I know, me too, I'm so upset I missed George and your karaoke performances, I heard they were pretty spectacular," she chuckled, "But I'll get my own night out with them in a couple days."

"Oh right, I forgot, you're leaving tomorrow!" I remembered suddenly. Adam had told me how excited he was for Carly to come visit. Much like Matty and I, the two of them had planned for Carly to visit when they had a full free day off, but she was going to stay and travel with them for the rest of the tour afterwards.

"I'm so excited- I'll make it just in time for the show tomorrow night and then we get the whole day together Monday," she gushed giddily before cutting herself off. "But anyways, I was calling to ask if you wanted to come get a drink tonight with me and some of the girls! I won't see you until after tour, and I'm sure you'll be busy with Matty once we're all back- I'd love to see you before I leave!"

"I'm not sure..." I answered hesitantly. I wanted to see Carly, but I wasn't sure if I could handle going out when I'd been in such a fragile state just a few hours ago. Spending the day with Matty had felt so lovely and had made me feel so much better, but the thought of going out seemed exhausting. Not to mention I didn't want to bail on our last-minute movie date.

"I honestly would love to, but I think I'd just be a sop and bring down the whole mood if I came along," I admitted. "I'm not sure if I have the energy to be social- I'm still feeling pretty down about leaving Matty..."

"I understand," Carly said kindly. "How about you sit on it? We aren't meeting until 10:00 pm anyways. Think about it and let me know either way?"

"Thanks, Carly," I replied. "I'll let you know."

After we hung up I saw I had about a half dozen new text messages, and I smiled when I saw they were all from Matty.

I miss you already

I like knowing you're in my pocket here with me :)

Do you know how beautiful you are btw?

I've got the most gorgeous girlfriend on the whole planet and all I wanna do is kiss her

I love you so much, angel

Look: this venue is ALMOST big enough to house the teeniest fraction of my love for you

The last text came with a photo. Matty had taken a selfie on stage at sound check with the giant empty stadium behind him. He had a huge grin on his face and looked unbearably adorable.

I quickly wrote back.

I miss you and love you more than anything, baby

It took mere seconds for him to reply.

Not more than me ;)

I blushed at his response as another text came in.

What did Carly want?

I quickly typed out the summary, explaining how she'd invited me for drinks and how I didn't think I'd go because I was too sad and wanted to have our movie night.

You should go! We can have movie night any old night. I don't want you cooped up inside and depressed because of me- you should go have some fun! I think it'd be good for you to get out and take your mind off things for a couple of hours. Then you can tell me all about your night once you're back- I'll probably be off stage by then

I hesitated.

But what about our movie night?

I waited patiently for Matty's response for twenty minutes as I fought internally over what I should do, working out my anxiety on the wheel.

Sorry- just sound checking! Let's do a movie night Monday night- tomorrow I'll be on a flight after the show, but Monday I have the whole day free! We could even do a movie marathon or something :) 

Please go tonight <3 It would make me so happy to know you're out having a fun time with Carly

I placed my phone on my lap and tapped my toe anxiously as I went back and forth in my mind. As hard as it felt, I knew things were different this time and that everything would be okay, but I knew that it would take effort on both our parts. I knew Matty was making a selfless sacrifice by telling me to go, and he wouldn't do it if he didn't think it was for the best. I sighed before picking up my phone again and typing out my response.

Alright. But we get the WHOLE day together Monday- capiche?

I got back to throwing the last piece of the day on the wheel and received a text message another twenty minutes later.

I was going to threaten you with mobster talk if you didn't suggest it first :)

Monday all day- it's a date <3 

I'll call you once we're done here- I'd like to watch you get ready to go out (in a very wholesome and completely not pervy way...)

I couldn't help but laugh out loud. I sent Matty several heart emojis in response as I looked up at the clock to find I only had a few minutes left in the studio.

I wired off my piece and placed it on the shelf to dry along with the rest of my fresh pieces, snapping a quick picture to send to Matty later. I gathered my belongings and tapped on Carly's contact in my phone as I rang her back.

"Alright. Where are we going, and what should I wear?" 

[jayahult]

Eight

Eight crew-members. This ship is supposed to run with eight crew-members.

That thought kept echoing in my head as I stared out the window towards the inky black, pulling away from the fray. I couldn't look behind me. Allison was behind me. She was behind me. I checked the damage control display again, as if it would make things better. We were running on one of six thrusters remaining. The ECM was spasming, shooting out false signals, eight on our tail, sixteen, one, twenty-five. I hit the switch to try to purge the system. I didn't even want to think that he had an active fusion reactor sitting towards the tail of the ship. I couldn't bring myself to check it again. Levi had patched the leak, the poor bastard. I checked the life-support. The missile had torn open the side of the ship like can-opener. A large portion of the oxygen had gone with our cramped quarters; the carbon recyclers were several miles behind us, alongside our emergency oxygen kits. I punched an approximation of our status into the computer. Levi thumped his foot behind me. We had about twenty hours before we'd all suffocate.

I sighed, and looked back at Allison. She was dead. I had no idea how she got this far. She must have been just getting through the locks when she was exposed to the vacuum. Our suits were designed for helping with rapid decompression, but there was only so much that they could do. Her face was red with blood, her eyes desperate and sad and trapped that way forever. Levi was alive for now. He was near to the reactor. He saw it nearly breach. Fusion reactors don't melt down, not like the old fission systems were prone to, but a leak on a functioning reactor core could and would release massive amounts of radiation. His face was ruddy and sad. He couldn't meet my eyes. He was the oldest among us, twenty-seven.

The radio crackled to life, startling me. I kicked the other chair as I turned around and Allison floated against the chair that I had crudely locked her into, and her dead mouth lolled open as if to speak what was said over the channel:

"Attention, attention, all vessels - retreat has been ordered. Repeat - retreat has been ordered. Repeat -"

I checked the TMCS, and the fuel reserves. Technically we weren't dead in space, but we were as close to it as we could get. We wouldn't make it back to carrier in time for the retreat. That meant capture, or re-entry. By everything I'd heard being taken prisoner by the RTs would make you wish you were dead. We weren't built for re-entry. Even if we got a stable trajectory that wouldn't kill us by lithobraking, there was the problem of shutting down the reactor in time to minimize damage to ourselves and the local environment. The local comms opened up as well.

"Is anyone alive up there?"

It was Silvia. Still alive. She was in the engine room when the breach happened, which means that she'd be cut off from the rest of us.

"We're alive!" I said frantically, "It's Juno and Levi. Seems like we're the only other survivors. Listen, do you have an EVA suit near you? I need you at the bridge. Allison is dead. Levi is-"

I glanced at him.

"He's injured. He's going to need medical attention, but first we need to burn and re-enter Calvin-22-"

"Are you insane?"

"I've already weighed the options, Silvia. We're going to either die in orbit, in aerobrake, in lithobrake or we'll be executed by tribunal by some RTs, or we can take our best chance."

"You are insane," she said, "Thruster three looks like it could still function if I make a quick fix. I'm going to try that and head to you."

"Thank you," I said.

"You're welcome, ma'am."

The comm crackled again, and went silent, and I slumped in the chair, confused. It was only a few moments later that I realized that since Allison was dead, I was the highest-ranking person on the ship left. Levi waited for a moment.

"So, how do you feel about the promotion?"

"What?"

"I- nevermind," he said, "Thought it'd make you laugh. Ma'am, you entered the numbers wrong."

"Hm?"

He reached over to the life support panel, and tapped the backspace lightly before entering three instead of eight. I hadn't even noticed my mistake.

[staygolddindjarin]

Grief

Chapter two: Rebellion

Din Djarin x Reader x Cassian Andor

Series Summary: Raised on Mandalore, born into a bloodline of warriors, no one ever expected for the daughter of a Clan leader to go rogue. Leaving the life of security and making the journey to fight in the war against the empire meant many things... giving up the way of the Mandalore, and giving up a solid future. A future that involves an arranged marriage to a foundling from another clan.

Chapter warnings: some brief angst, this ones pretty mellow ngl

Words: 3.3k

A/n: i was not expecting such a good response from the first chapter but bruh you guys are amazing- anyway here's part two of my brain's misery

Part 2/?

The trip from Mandalore to the planet of Dantooine was long, and still ongoing. We all took turns, watching to see if we were any closer. After each jump from hyperspace, the transport would stop at a space refueling tank, before slowly going onward toward the destination. We must have been traveling several systems across the galaxy. We had a few laughs, mainly while watching Gander try and steal Shyloh's food from his knapsack while he was sleeping. Most of the other time we all just sat in silence, up until this point.

"What do you think we're all going to do once we get to the rebel base?" Merc raised his voice slightly, barely capturing our attentions as we had all been dozing off, and Shyloh was taking watch at the view point.

"What do you mean?" I had asked, not quite sure of what he was getting at. I sat up straighter against the wall, showing my interest in the newfound conversation.

"What branch do you think you'll end up in?" He was in a daze as he spoke, almost unsure of his intentions of bringing it up. His dark eyes were nearly emotionless under his furrowed brow.

"I hadn't really thought about it. I would say maybe something like mechanics," I said, thinking of the best possible use of my talents. I'm sure there's plenty of mechanical help already assisting the rebels, but with the galactic empire growing it's forces by the day, they needed all the help they could get.

"What about flying?" Shyloh perked up from his seat at the window.

"What about it?" I asked, curious as to why he suddenly thought of the new topic.

"You could do it of you wanted to. Be a pilot, I mean. You have the skills," He told me, but I scoffed. He wasn't in any way shape or form was making an ounce of sense at all.

"Speeder control races are a bit different from piloting fighters against the imperial troops don't you think?" I laughed at the idea, but he rolled his eyes, persistent with his opinion.

"It's less different than you think it is. Also mind you, I never saw you lose a race," He objected, but I wasn't having any of it.

"That's because when I raced, my own credits were on the line," I joked, seeing what he would try and come up with next, only to be met with a cold hard stare, before an answer that would shake me to my core.

"Well, now the freedom of the galaxy is on the line."

My smile dropped from my face and I turned to face the other two, who were looking back at me. They didn't expect that answer either. Shyloh was well known to be a boy of few words, and only really spoke to his friends and family. He was a founding just like the rest of them, but he had been with ths clan longer, due to having been saved from a war infested home as a baby.

He could sometimes be very wise, even if he didn't think he was being so. We weren't sure what it was, but he had this sort of presense that was so powerful. We knew when he would walk in a room, or walk out of it. It's like the air would change. Much like it changed now, with his words rendering us all speechless.

The silence was uncomfortable, and I was the one who left it unresloved, so I spoke up in favor of my crewmates to not keep quiet any longer.

"Perhaps I shall see where I am needed first."

"Perhaps you shouldn't be so afraid to explore an option you would excel in," He again rendered me speechless, and I did not have anything else to say this time. I was young, but my mind was not. I could comprehend thoughts the same way that an adult could. I could handle things just as well and if not better than some, too. He was right. I was simply afraid.

"I think we're finally here," Shyloh said, turning back to look out of the view port again.

"Its about time," Gander stood up, slinging his knapsack over his shoulder and standing at the transport door waiting for it to slide up.

We all followed suit, but Shyloh stopped us and held up a warning finger to stay still.

"There's manding droids, we gotta sneak off carefully. They don't look like bulk but they could be armed," He suggested. We were not yet at the rebel base, meaning these were probably droids of the land, and belonged to whoever oversees the exports on this planet.

When the panel opened, we were all careful to first peek out of the transport. This planet was nothing at all like Mandalore, which was dry and hot. This planet was lush with plants. And the air was slightly humid. It was a very welcome contrast from where I spent most of my life.

We all sneakily bolted out of the transport, ducking down behind one of the cargo units placed outside. We saw an opening in what looked like some sort of forrest patch.

There was a chill in the air on this planet, even in the middle of the day. Mandalore only ever got colder at night, when the sun was down and the moons were shining.

"That was close." Merc mumbled as we began to turn around and head into the grasslands, trying to find the rebel base.

We made sure no one was behind us, and were careful to check if any droids had caught sight of us.

We all went to turn around, but as soon as I did, I collided with someone's chest, rather hard might I add, sending me to the ground on my bottom. I didn't even collide that hard with the person, it was just the shock that sent me backwards.

"Need a hand?" I looked up to see a man, a sly smirk on his face as he held his hand out towards me. I took it without question, heaving myself up from the grassy, and somewhat muddy ground beneath me.

"You must be our contact," Merc smiled, and the man nodded, turning and begining to lead us to a speader that was hovering nearby behind a large set of trees.

"We must be careful not to use names outside of the base. I would be more than happy to formally introduce myself once we reach our final destination," He chuckled. It was only now that I realized he had an accent, a thick one. Probably left over from his native tongue that spilled out his mouth when he spoke galactic basic.

I know that sometimes my accent slips in when i speak. I never had to worry about using Mando'a around my fellow crewmates. They were foundlings, and hadn't been raised to speak it. Shyloh was, but he prefered to use galactic basic anyways because he had forgotten so much of it.

We all boarded the speader, Gander and I sitting on the back, our legs hanging off as we held onto the side bars.

"This might be a bumpy ride for you two," The man said, looking at both of us before giving me a wink. I scrunched my face up, not sure how else to react to it. The man was definitely on the younger side, but I wasn't sure how he could possibly see an interest in me.

Maybe he did and I just didn't want him to. Maybe I was still hinged to the idea that I would go back to Mandalore someday and marry my betrothed. I was so young, and hadn't the slightest idea of what feelings I could possibly be harboring, if any at all.

I couldn't deny I found him appealing. Anyone would, at least any human with eyes that is.

His hair was dark, and so were his eyes. He had a bit of stubble along his jaw and above his lip. He was somewhat scruffy looking, but in a good way.

As the speeder went through the forresty stretch of pathway, I kept turning around to catch a glimpse of him. Each time I did I had to look away fast because Gander would give me weird stares.

I would play it off like I was simply taking in the view of the green planet around me, and he wouldn't seem to notice.

After a while, with quite a few twists and turns, and Gander and I nearly falling off the speeder twice, we arrived to our destination.

We all hopped out of the transport, following the man into a giant cargo port. As soon as I looked to my left I could see an X-wing fighter in all it's glory. I had never seen a real one before, just heard stories and viewed holograms.

"Alright. We have about twelve other recruits arriving on this base today, so you will all be attending orientation this evening. As for right now, you look beat, and should rest. PX-74 will assign you to your bunks," He said, gesturing to the droid before beginning to walk away with a nod, but I stopped him before he could take a step.

"Wait a minute... I believe I recall something about a formal introduction," I crossed my arms over my chest and shifted my weight, trying to give off the look of having as much confidence as I could muster. I was putting on a facade, possibly to make me seem more mature. I didn't know the real reason.

He smirked, raising an eyebrow as he scanned me up and down with his dark eyes.

"Cassian Andor," He smiled, then looking right back at me with questioning eyes. "And how about you... you got a name?"

"Y/n from clan Maldrix," I said, my confidence wavering a little when he looked at me the way that he did.

"She's a Mandalorian," Shyloh perked up, and I sent him a warning glare.

"Yeah, sixth generation," Merc added, his cocky smile pasted on his face for all to see and be annoyed by.

"A mandalorian? I've heard the stories but I haven't ever met one. Are you-?"

"I'm not," I cut him off before this got twisted into one big lie. "My mother and father are."

"Doesn't that make you one too?" Cassian furrowed his brow but his tone was somewhat joking and humorous.

"No, it does not," I wasn't harsh with the way my voice came out, but I was firm. Though I wasn't one of them, the mandalorians and all they stood for were very important to me.

"Mandalorian is not a race, it's a creed. Some of the best Mandalorians I ever had the pleasure of knowing didn't even have a bloodline from Mandalore. They were foundlings, like these three," I explained, laying out the facts so that there was no longer any confusion lingering, but now there was a tension that was thicker than the trees on this planet.

"Even still, she can fight just as good as any soldier taken the creed," Merc jumped in, trying to clear the air, and thankfully, it seemed to be working.

"She flies even better," Shyloh mentioned, and I swore I could kill him. He was just so pushy sometimes, even with his massive sense of wisdom.

"You fly?" This peaked Andor's interest, and immediately he seemed more engaged towards me.

"I'm not as good as they say I am," I admitted, but he shook his head.

"No, really... if you can fly we could really use you. We're putting together a team for an air raid that's set to happen about one month's time from now," He came up closer to me and stared me in the eye.

"I'm just a kid, I might really let you down," I joked, trying not to get too caught up in his eye contact. His eyes were much darker when you could see them closely.

"I tell you what, I can arrange for you to have time in the flight simulator after orientation. If we feel you would be an asset, we can add you to the strike team," He said, nodding along to his words. I understood that they might need backup, and if push came to shove, I could maneuver faster than any pilot back on Mandalore. I never lost a race, nor did I ever lose a bet.

"Okay."

I could tell I was blushing from the extra attention I was receiving. I wasn't so sure what about me was so enticing that I deserved it.

"I have to go now to pick up the other recruits from a drop station. I leave you in the capable hands of PX-74," He said, returning to his speeder and letting us be lead off into the base.

"There are only so many open bunks left. Two of you will share one, and the other two will be placed with bunk mates." The metalized voice of the PX unit was strong in our ears, and we all followed after him as we ventured into the long hallway at the end of the cargo port.

The droid stopped at a door about midway through the hall and opened it using the side panel on the wall, revealing a young man that seemed almost younger than me even.

"One of you will be staying here. Which will it be?" The droid asked, turning towards our small group.

"I'll take this one," Shyloh said, stepping forward into the bunk to meet his new roomate.

The boy looked a bit frightened at first, but because of Shyloh's powerful yet calming energy, he seemed to relax almost immediately.

He turned and smiled back at us, waving before the IG unit closed the door and kept us going.

He walked us down passed several more doors, maybe more than twenty, before he stopped at another one and opened it up.

Inside sat a young woman, her legs crossed as she sharpened a knife with a smirk on her face. She looked up and made eye contact with me first.

"I wondered how long it would be before they got someone else in here." Her voice was somewhat low and raspy, but it was kind of soothing in a way.

"One of you-" the IG unit began again, but I stopped him, stepping into the bunk with the girl inside.

"I'll take this one." I smiled at the two boys left before the door closed on my new bunk.

I moved to set my knapsack down on the bottom bunk, but my roomate stopped me.

"Bottom one's mine." She said, looking up from her sharpened knife again to inform me of the sleeping arrangements.

I instead threw my knapsack on the top bunk, trying to climb up into it, but failing miserably.

"You need a hand?" She chuckled, watching my lame attempts to swing my leg up high enough. The fact that there was no ladder should have tipped me off.

"I'll be okay, thanks," I laughed, keeping my attitude loose and positive, though this bunk bed was already causing unnecessary problems for me.

"If you say so," She chuckled again, seeing as I finally managed to haul myself up and onto the bed.

"First try," I joked, and she laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world. I think that we would be getting along, because no one ever laughed at my lame sense of humor.

I laid back, resting my arms behind my head and staring blankly at the ceiling.

"So, where are you from?" She piped up, not taking her eyes away from her previous knife. That thing must mean a lot to her.

"Mandalore," I let out, trying to get comfortable on this lumpy pad that was under my head.

"Actually?" She seemed surprised. Everyone had heard of the planet that the mandalorian tribes had resided upon, and usually they understood what kind of people the place would breed.

"Yeah. Left just in time. Tomorrow's my birthday," I shut my eyes continuing our converastion with one less sense. It didn't matter, though. I was still fully awake.

"What would you have had to do?" She pondered curiously, finally looking up towards the bunk in interest.

"Well, to put it short... tomorrow I would have had to swear my freedom away. No living being would ever be able to see my face again till the day I died," I laid it out plain and simple, and she seemed to understand.

"How old are you?" She asked, her trail of questions getting longer and longer.

"Sixteen tomorrow," I answered, feeling a bit more tired now that my eyes had been closed, and the lights in the bunk rooms were dim.

"You're just a baby," She scoffed. "How could they possibly expect you to make that choice so young?"

"It's just the way it's always been there. This is the way," I remembered. Those words used to be said to me nearly ten times a day, and now they only rung in my mind as a memory.

"That's insane. The people on your planet must be crazy to take an oath like that," She muttered.

"You would think so... the strangest part about it is that there are kids brought back as foundlings that take the creed without hesitation. They don't even belong to a bloodline, they just feel as though they have right to the creed as much as anyone else," I silently remembered Din for a moment. He was the bravest, strongest, most loyal Mandalorian I'd ever known. A foundling.

I began to get bitter at the thought of leaving him. He could have made things better for me if I had just given him a chance. I had to let my head get in the way. I needed to think about something else.

"What about you, huh? Where you from?" I asked, changing the subject as quickly and painlessly as possible.

"Alderaan. Born and raised," She said, getting up from the floor and dropping herself on the bottom bunk.

"You been a lot of places since then?" I asked, but she first let out a heavy sigh before speaking.

"Only too many to count," She said, settling herself on the bunk like I had done.

"Must be nice..." I muttered. Finally able to relax on this pathetic excuse for a bed pad. Of course I couldn't complain. I'm the one who chose the life of the rebellion, including their miserable bedding. "I've never been anywhere outside my home planet until now. I haven't even seen the entirety of my own planet."

"Most new comers are the same. They haven't been anywhere else, then they come here and its like we're moving non stop. Base to base, on just about every planet in this galaxy," She reassured. At least now I didn't feel so out of place.

"How long have you been stationed here?" I asked, unsure of how long I would get to adjust to things.

"A few months. It's likely we'll have to leave soon. There's rumors of the imperials knowing our location," She answered, rolling her eyes, thought I couldn't see from the top bunk.

"You're kidding," I scoffed. After just getting here, I might have to up and leave again. I'll have to learn to accept this new life, it's what I wanted.

"I wish I was, kid," She added.

"I have a name," I retorted back, not a fan of the nickname 'kid'. I waited for her to ask me what it was, but when she stayed silent I sighed. "It's Y/n."

"I'll call you what you are... now get some rest, they'll come pounding on that door in a few hours for orientation," She said, as though she somehow had grown to a habit of mothering me only five minutes after we met. I dropped the conversation and drifted off to sleep, my eyes were too heavy to keep open anymore anyway.

.

.

Tags open

A/n: okay so like i wrote this a while before everything with gina carano happened and i do not in any way condone her whatsoever so let's pretend she's been recast already...

[complexactually]

Jamaican Vacation

Day 1 of 14 :

It had been a 10-hour day of driving and flying to the resort in Jamaica. We had no delays but the trip was exhausting nonetheless. My wife and I had just finished checking in and were quickly dropping our bags in the incredible ocean view suite we reserved. The room was absolutely perfect with white linens, a huge bed, modern decor, a patio jacuzzi, and the sound of the waves gently crashing outside the window. Wonderful as it was, we were on the move, ready to start our vacation for real.

We unpacked quickly, changed clothes, tossed our valuables in the safe, and headed out. We needed a bar,  somewhere low-key and quiet where we could relax and get situated. Although we were tired from traveling, we were buzzing with excitement, 14 days of fun, rest, and relaxation in a naughty environment. We had picked a "clothing optional" resort. It was something we had always fantasized about. We both thought of it as a way to spice up our relationship. We had not quite settled into the clothing-optional setting, and since it was our first time, it didn't need to be said that we would remain clothed for a while.

My wife was so sexy. She had changed into a tight little dress that showed off all of her curves. As we walked through the resort, I couldn't help but notice the multitude of eyes wandering her way. It was hard not to; she had long legs, a tight ass, full breasts, a pretty face, and long silky brunette hair - she was the complete package. I found myself excited, knowing others found her as gorgeous as I did. We eventually found a perfect little quiet sidebar with just a few people. Most of which were clothed, which helped us feel more settled.

After our first drink, we were casually approached by a man who introduced himself as Josh. He made small talk at first, asking us where we were from and how long we were staying. As we talked, he was attentive, quick-witted, and charming; we were both under his spell, laughing and conversing like old friends. He had a handsome face, muscular body, and playful confidence that all played to his advantage. He was completely naked and blessed with a massive member. It hung lazy and flaccid, plump between his legs and disinterested in anything but hanging there as we talked. I caught my wife's eyes glancing at it several times, but I found it hard not to look myself, how could I judge her for taking a peek.

About an hour passed, and Josh invited us back to his room for a drink and a joint. I was initially hesitant about the offer, but my wife looked at me and asked for permission with a playfully desperate "please, baby." Shit why not, I thought. We are on vacation; how could I say no after having such a great time.

We made it back to his place, and we had another drink and smoked the joint. I guess the travel, alcohol, and weed were too much for me, and I dozed off for a few minutes as they talked. 

I don't know when I came to, but as I did, I heard strange slurping sounds. I opened my eyes sleepily and I saw my beautiful wife on her knees, braless in front of me, with Josh's monster cock in her mouth.

The wave of emotions was unexpected. I was aroused, sickened, and jealous all at once. My physical reaction to the scene was paralyzing. My heart started racing, cold sweats washed over me, and my vision became blurry. This was a fantasy and a nightmare all wrapped up into one. I was unable to process anything. 

It was graphic. My wife was working his cock hard, which made me realize she had been at this for a while. This was the late stages of a blow job, dirty, sloppy, and hard, not the playful start. I honestly couldn't believe it and paused, wondering if I was still in a dream. But no, my wife was giving this relative stranger head, and I was watching. I was aroused, really aroused. We had never seriously talked about involving others in our sex life - we weren't good at that. She did know I read wife sharing stories, but she was never interested. Clearly, Josh piqued her interest.

I felt powerless to do anything. Her sucking and bobbing went on for some time until she laid back, spread her legs and removed her panties. It was at this point that she recognized I was conscious, she gave me a wicked smile and mouthed "I love you." Needing no invitation, he stepped up and slid between her legs and kissed her inner thighs. He spread her sweet flower and started kissing and sucking her, reciprocating the gift she had just given him.

Another few minutes passed with her enjoying him, then suddenly, they both looked at me as if for approval. I knew what they wanted, but I was unable to vocalize anything. Almost knowingly, he simply gave me a wink, turned back, moved between her legs, and started to push his fat tool into her. He was gentle with her at first, taking his time, enjoying the process of resizing her to accommodate him. She moaned and cursed, orgasming several times as he stretched her.

After about 10 minutes of slowly rocking and inching into her, he finally bottomed out. She grimaced, raising her head she looked down between her legs with amazement - her legs shook violently as she orgasmed for the fourth time. He was clearly deeper in her than any man had ever been. Now all the way inside, his penetrating rod picked up the pace. She didn't moan; she grunted like an animal with each thrust. His heavy hanging balls slapped against her ass at the bottom of each impalement. Her lips grabbed onto his manhood as he pulled out. She was in a frenzy, her look was desperate and wonton, as he hammered away at her. This was a woman I had no idea existed. It was as if my wife was sexually unlocked and enjoying every moment. 

As for me, I desperately wanted to jerk myself but knew I would immediately lose control if I did. So I sat quietly watching the show.

Eventually, she calmed herself and settled in with his size and pace, her pelvis flexed into him, meeting each of her lover's thrusts as they arrived. As the sofa gave way, her beautiful breasts bounced rhythmically with each falling impact. Little orgasmic waves would slowly wash over her, but she maintained her focus. Beads of sweat had formed all over her body. She looked incredible, natural and womanly. Occasionally, our eyes would meet, her mouth agape, looking lovingly, and almost in shock - in those moments we connected and it was an enormous relief. The man was a specimen, relentless, showing no sign of letting up on his assault. He was using her for his own pleasure. He had a purpose, he was proving to her that he is a much better fuck than her husband.

I assume the sound of their mating, echoing through the resort, attracted the firm knock at the door. Mindlessly I broke away from the scene and answered in a half daze. Through the door waited for another man who asked if he could join the party. I couldn't comprehend the question and absent-mindedly said "sure". I didn't get his name, but he casually undressed, revealing an even more enormous monster than Josh. He didn't say a word. He just patiently stroked himself to attention, waiting his turn like a batter on deck warming up.

After what felt like an eternity, Josh put her on her knees and started fucking her doggy style. At this point she was in a state of full capitulation, her body had relented and she was taking all that he was giving. I had a perfect view of his cock long stroking her. Her tits and ass jiggled as he hammered into her harder. For five minutes, he relentlessly assaulted her, but he was clearly about to reach his limit and asked where she wanted it. She replied with a breathless "give it to me ." He didn't hesitate and sunk deep, his balls tightened and he unloaded his seed in my wife's willing womb. He roared with pleasure, and she orgasmed one last time as he pulsed inside her.

She collapsed, burying her head in the sofa, with her ass up as she received his gift. He sprayed rope after rope of his nut in her - she thanked him profusely. After a minute of recovery, he slowly started pulled his coated member out of her. As he finally exited, an enormous stream of fluid rushed out of her once tight, now gaping, hole. I was astonished. She had been pummeled, gaped out, and flooded by a man twice my size. I loved it, and so had she.

Uncoupled from her lover, she looked at me with thankful and loving eyes. I had never seen her look so content and satisfied. My love for her had never been deeper, I was so grateful to see her in that state. It was in this moment that she noticed our visitor. She looked back and gave me another devious smile. Then looked back at him, raised her tiny ass up, and welcomed him in.

What a vacation this is going to be.

[scvrllet]

EXAM SEASON

A Platonic!Ranboo & Reader oneshot (based off his dsmp character not the content creator)

Late night study sessions leads Ranboo to meet someone who may just help him pass his Arithmancy exam, and possibly someone he could consider a friend.

contains: gender-neutral!reader (they/them pronouns used), readers house is not mentioned, Hufflepuff!Ranboo, hogwarts au (set in fourth year/GOF), (1,170 words)

authors note: here is ranboo’s oneshot for my dsmp x hp au series! fucking finally lmao, sorry for the long wait i got overwhelmed at the amount of people who liked the masterlist when i posted first it and just couldn’t write anything for a bit but i finished this one! purpleds next!

join my taglist | series masterlist

Considering the fact that memorization wasn't his strong suit, you would've thought that Ranboo would have avoided taking subjects such as Arithmancy where good memorization skills were key. Any other subject would've been suitable for him but when his Head of House said that the Care of Magical Creatures class he signed up for was full, for some reason Ranboo chose Arithmancy out of the other listed options. Whether it was just his nerves that led him to pick the first one listed or some other unknown reason, here he was now in the library at nearly one in the morning with books littering the entire table.

A cup of tea he had made before coming down was buried beneath the masses of books somewhere but Ranboo couldn't care less. He could last without the tea though the stress that fogged his mind was making it harder and harder to stay focused.

"Would you like a biscuit?" A soft voice caught his attention. Looking up from his books, he saw a student in (H/C) robes holding a plate of biscuits out to him. Not wanting to be rude, he timidly took one which caused the bearer to smile.

"Arithmancy huh?" They said aloud as they looked at the many open books sprawled across the table.

Ranboo nodded as he took a bite out of the biscuit. "This exam is going to be the death of me."

"Would you like some help?" The question caught Ranboo by surprise and almost made him choke on the biscuit. Fortunately he was able to play it off as a cough before sitting upright.

"Really?" He said, tone a bit too excited for his liking causing the person to chuckle. "I mean, are you sure? I don't want to be a bother if you're busy or anything, I can probably handle it myself if you are so-"

"I'm sure, I don't mind helping. I didn't take Arithmancy but I did sit through enough study sessions with Cho to understand it. Against my will that is but at least the knowledge is coming into use now." They said and Ranboo's ears perked at the mention of his friend’s name.

He wasn't that close with the Ravenclaw but after being paired as Potions partners for the last few years, the two have grown close enough to call each-other friends. Even then he was surprised he didn’t hear of or see them before.

"You know Cho?"

They answered his question with a nod, setting down the plate of biscuits before taking the seat in front of him at the table and introducing themselves with a smile. "I'm (Y/N)."

"Ranboo, nice to meet you (Y/N)."

"Likewise, now we have some studying to do." (Y/N) said as they grabbed one of his textbooks and quickly scanned the pages. "A lot actually, these books are full of crap, you won't learn a thing with these."

Pulling out their wand, Ranboo watched as they summoned a stack of textbooks to appear on the table.

"Isn't magic forbidden to be used outside of class?" He asked, shivering at the thought of accompanying Filch for detention if you were to have gotten caught.

"I'm sure Filch has more, groundbreaking things to worry about than me using magic. And plus, it's for studying, the rules say magic used for studies is acceptable." They responded, eyes glued to the pages as they flipped through them hastily but Ranboo caught the ghost of a mischievous smirk on their lips. "Here, this will teach you more than all of the books you got here."

Taking the book, Ranboo read over the words of the books and unlike the ones he got from the library, this book actually taught him what to do rather than simply restating the basic elements of it. “Where did you get this?”

(Y/N) simply shrugged in response, explaining that Cho had bought them for her studies and hadn't used them since she finished taking the class last school year. It was a small gesture, lending him the books, but with how much these books may just help him in tomorrow's exam, he needed to repay them somehow. Before he could even begin to thank them however, he needed to pass.

It was a tiring night for both of them and even if Ranboo had insisted on them heading back to their dorm and rest, (Y/N) told him that they were okay and was content on helping him study. Even if it meant spending the entire night in the library.

By the time morning came, Ranboo was still scribbling notes down on a piece of parchment while (Y/N) seemed to be dozing off in their seat. He felt guilty for partially being the cause of it even if he knew they stayed on their own accord. When the sounds of students beginning to get ready for the day echoed through the halls, Ranboo had finally finished the last of his notes before exclaiming “Done!” which also woke up (Y/N) who looked to have finally fallen asleep.

“Oops.” He said much quieter, a meek smile on his face as they let out a sigh.

“Thought a bloody murderer was in the school again.”

“Thankfully no, but I did finish studying-”

“Which means I can now sleep!” They cut him off and Ranboo couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed. Especially when he did pull them into this mess.

“Yes you can, thank you for helping me, I owe you so much.”

“I just gave you better resources and some company, you don’t owe me anything.”

“Come on, how about some Butterbeer at Hogsmeade this weekend at least. I’ll pay, but it’s the least I can do.”

They looked at him with a tired, but also amused, expression before finally accepting his offer. “Fine, looks like I’ll see on Saturday then.”

“Great, I’ll see you then.” Ranboo replied and as he watched them gather their belongings and leave the library, he had failed to notice the folded piece of parchment that had been slipped into his pockets until he was sitting at his desk during the exam. It was risky to be reading a note in the midst of an exam, a simple speculation of cheating would result in an immediate fail regardless of what was written inside but Ranboo didn’t seem to worry too much.

Opening the neatly folded note, he found himself smiling at the simple words printed on the parchment that read: Goodluck Ranboo :) . Looking up from his desk, he managed to catch sight of them outside the door giving him a thumbs up. He had to cover his mouth to not bring attention to himself laughing as he silently thanked them for the encouragement but as he watched them quickly get told off by Filch for standing outside an exam room, silencing himself became much harder than he originally thought.

Looks like I have to reschedule for the next Hogsmeade trip for that Butterbeer.

FIN.

TAGLIST

PERMANENT TAGLIST: @lucy-malfoy07 @tsukilover11 @sweetblueparadisebabyg @gryffindorgirl @annika0-o @rocketxgirl @debesteimanetje @vixxiann @nataliewalker93 @averyisbackinthetrashcan @killzandchillz

GEN. DSMP TAGLIST: @water-vevo @sparklykeylime @chaiteabeebee @hopeisnootfound @lemonnotade @dreamyender @denkisclown @yellow-aster @confusedcrayon

RANBOO TAGLIST: @luluwinchester @shibble @bberee @oh-my-ronron-mphfpc-fanfic-heart @quivvyintheclouds @joyfullymulti

[marshmallowprotection]

Oh gosh, that post about Saeyoung and his characterization made me want to clap! I once had an argument with one fan who was bashing on him for... 'loving his brother more than he loves us'??? That literally made me feel weirded out. Like, damn. And yeah, a lot of people make him seem more cruel, than he is in canon. I think there's a similar problem with Suit! Like, yeah, he was acting aggressive and harmful - that's undeniable. But... he never really directly hurt us? It's more bark than bite. Well, maybe except for that bite and pushing us on the floor, but in fanon it's always way more extreme than that. I read a few fics where he literally tortures mc and enjoys it, and... it always felt so wrong to me. And I love dark scenarios! I have a few aus myself, but there's always some outside force, that makes them act this way. Like, I can imagine him isolating us or locking us in the room. But I literally cannot imagine him, for example, tying us up and hurting us directly. I genuinely don't believe he's capable of that... Maybe it's just my interpretation of him, I don't really know.

But yeah, I've seen a lot of people in my native fandom, who hate Choi bros, cause they... care for each other?? It's so confusing to me, as a huge Saeyoung fan. Like, his love for his family always made me appreciate him more, why would it push someone away? Of course he should put Saeran first - he's in a cult for Gods sake! It did made me feel a bit upset at the time, when in the Secret Endings we barely got any interaction with him, but it wouldn't feel the same otherwise. I first fell in love with Saeran during the Secret Endings, cause I related to him so much at the time. I just remember crying my eyes out reading his inner thoughts. I think that's why Unknown and SE Saeran are my favourites, haha. And all of that wouldn't be possible if the story was only focusing on our romance with Saeyoung!

So yeah, sorry for the rant, but I just wanted to express my opinion on the matter. I think false characterization is a pretty annoying problem in all fandoms. And that's just Saeyoung and Suit! We could discuss literally every single character in mysme here lmao

Sorry for my huge essay btw I really should be sleeping right now, but I read that post and just couldn't resist ahaha

It's always something, y'know?

Yes, they're angry and bitter, but it hurts to see people think that's all there is to their character. I don't know how many times I've had to go and explain to people that Suit Saeran is afraid. He believes anger is a sword and a shield, if he cries first, they can't make him cry.

It's not a healthy mentality and it hurts him greatly, and he knows that even if his malice was meant for him, you suffered. He apologizes and you're there to say, "I know, I forgive you, and I hope to stay by your side as you heal and become better for yourself."

Suit Saeran is able to say he fucked up. He wasn't right to do what he did and he pays for it. He may say that he likes seeing you cry and be upset, but he doesn't. He just can't admit vulnerability. He just saw Ray get basically torn limb from limb for loving somebody, of course, he's not okay right now.

He locks you in your room, but God, he'd never tie you up or physically beat you. I know why Cheritz added in the bite to that VN itself because it gets them paid for adding in those elements, but I don't care for that, myself. Because I can't see him lashing out in any physical way. Emotionally, yes, but not physically.

If you pay attention to what happens, the only time he touches you is the bite, when he pushes you against the ground, and maybe if you want to count when he nudged you against the wall? But, I think that last one was more him making you walk yourself into a corner.

And it's worse with Unknown because... God, it's so twisted up and it makes me sick. People should write whatever they want to write and enjoy that content, but if I had a dollar for every time I opened a story about Unknown and it turned into Torture Porn, I'd be rich and upset at the same time. Unknown and SE Saeran were also what pulled me in during 2016, so their characterizations mean a lot to me.

Unknown isn't like Ray or Suit Saeran. He doesn't care for you like those two do. You're his eyes. You're a tool. But, he still finds a sense of amusement in you. You're interesting to him. That's just... yeah, it's going to be a mess when you consider him in romance, but it doesn't need to be as grimdark as I've seen for years. I don't even wanna get into that because I'll just get upset. I just wish people tagged things properly because I get so disheartened looking for Unknown stuff and it's just. that.

And Saeyoung gets this rough, too. People will make him out to be the joker that he doesn't want to be. Yes, he loves to play pranks and have fun, but that's not all he is. Don't just lump him off as that one thing. Saeyoung did what he had to do for Saeran in the SE. I'm sorry that he closed himself off again. But what choice did he have at that moment?

Leave Saeran in the hospital to die? Because if he kept lashing out, he was going to get more attention and focus. Not even Jumin Han can protect Saeran from that. He can't. Saejoong would've found him and he would've been fucked royally. Saeyoung made a hard choice, take his brother from the hospital because if he didn't, Saeran would likely die. Yes, that was a bad choice because Saeran needs therapy and specialized care, but he had two options. Let Saeran die or try to help Saeran himself.

It was a mess.

It was a horrible mess but they made due. I personally imagine them to be getting therapy after things settle and they're able to do what they need to do. God, just. Yeah. Fanon is going to happen and there isn't a lot anyone can do. This happens to every character and we're all just going to cry.

[boop-le-snoot]

masterpost • main masterlist • taglist & faq

Introductory prologue. The main pairing will be established ironstrange x reader. This story will be rated explicit, have some canon-typical violence and language. The 'fuck' harvest is bountiful this time of the year. Updates - irregular so far, I'm posting it as I go.

No y/n, no "you", no name - nickname only, no reader description - race/age/body type neutral, she/her pronouns. Please leave a comment if you spot a stray 'blushing' or the likes, I write as it flows and sometimes miss those words when I proofread. I try to be inclusive of all my readers.

"Your total is twelve dollars, seventeen cents," I rattled off on autopilot, casting a glance at the cash register and plastering an automatic smile onto my face. The pleasant expression was frozen on it, stuck like glue, despite the news I had received earlier in the day. "Thank you, have a nice day," I doubted the customer actually heard my words.

One of those business-types, wearing a tailored two-piece, with a Bluetooth headset attached to their ear and brain always a mile away, our little coffee shop a mild interruption in their daily routine of making more and more money. "Hello, how can I help you?" I addressed the next customer, my eyes unseeing, gliding over their face and to the storefront where I noticed we were running low on eclairs and carrot cake.

"Hey, Starlight," the woman's voice was familiar, tone soothing, as I snapped my eyes to meet a pair of reddish-brown ones, staring at me with concern. "The usual," our city's very own superhero; Wanda Maximoff stood before me with her head curiously tilted to the side and her brother hovering behind her, examining the assortment of various cakes on display. "Long day?"

"You have no idea," I sighed, sending off the organic, single-use cups with scribbles off to Dave, our barista. Wanda's order was large, usually about ten or twelve coffees and quite a few treats, so I donned on some nitrile gloves to package the treats while Dave handled the drinks with practiced ease. I admired his stoicism. "Might be seeing a bit less of me," the woman's eyebrows rose in displeasure at my admission.

"Tony won't be happy," Wanda mumbled, side-eyeing the backdoor behind which my boss usually resided during the day. "You got fired?" The words attracted the attention of her brother. Pietro was immediately at her side, joining into the concerned staring.

"Nope," I popped the 'p', methodically shoving the food in its packaging. "The café is expanding hours and our shifts are being split now. Jeremy is dead set on me working the graveyard shift, so I'll be here six AM to two PM," I couldn't help the sigh that left my lips.

My boss, Jeremy, had opened his boulangerie little over two years ago, and as he had predicted, it set off almost immediately. The place was located almost in the heart of the dozen corporate sky-rises full of busy, wealthy people who liked their things to be both instant and luxurious. Jeremy had fit right in with the law sharks and business vultures, if you ask me, with his penchant for demanding the impossible.

I was expecting an increase in work hours, I wasn't going to lie - our little cafe was busy nearly all the time it was open - but the fact that he chose to split a day's shift came as a punch to the gut. Like most service staff, I made most of my money from the tips, and they and they only were the only reason I stayed in a place with a shrew for a boss and the worst health insurance in the area. Thankfully, the rich businessmen from local offices didn't count their money and left me more than generous tips.

The coffee machine beeped for the last time as Dave passed me the three cupholders before I carefully bagged them, arranging the treats on top. I saw Wanda lick her lips at the aromas coming from the paper bag before Pietro snatched them out of my grasp. I rattled off the total, catching Wanda's eye as she passed me several twenty dollar bills, waving off my attempt to return the change.

"Penny for your wandering thoughts?" She smiled warmly as I chuckled at the question I've grown to expect with a quiet sort of joy.

The first time she'd wandered in, soaking wet from the rain and looking as lost as a child in a mall, ten minutes before closing time, I was reading my book right at the counter as I waited for the coffee machine to clean itself. I hadn't even noticed the quiet woman until her words startled me out of the book-induced trance and I shamefully had to ask her to repeat herself, hastily shoving my book under the counter. She smiled at me, shyly, and asked me about my reading instead of rattling an order for one of the sickly sweet caffeine concoctions female customers seemed to love. And she returned in a few days, asking the same question after taking a careful look at my face.

"And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about." I took a careful moment to recall a paragraph from the book I was currently reading, Murakami's 'Kafka on the Shore'. It seemed fitting, with all that had been going on in my life recently. I was still caught in the middle of the storm, unsure if I'd make it out but hoping for it nonetheless.

"That's beautiful," Pietro smiled at me, the tips of his silver hair reflecting the lights of the cafe's baroque style chandeliers. I barely managed to smile at him as he was already speeding off, the entrance door banging shut behind a blur of white and blue. Each time he did that, I couldn't help but wonder how he managed to not spill any of the hot beverages.

"Because it's true," Wanda added with a comforting smile. I nodded in agreement, hoping some of her positive attitude would dissipate the sense of doom I'd been lugging around all day. She departed, taking the sense of comfort with her, as I caught the tail end of something shouted in Sokovian - something that sounded exactly in place, coming from one disgruntled sibling to another.

When the residents of the nearby Stark tower began frequenting my workplace, I barely had the composure to stifle my quiet fangirling to socially acceptable levels. Not long after the Scarlet Witch turned a semi-regular, she started bringing her colleagues with her - Hawkeye at first, who was a decent, normal dude; he looked like an exasperated dad and Pietro appeared every thing the rambunctious son, as the younger man peppered the older man with questions about the cakes on our display.

They all had fancy names, but at the bottom of it, a chocolate cake was a chocolate cake. That much I told them, with a snort, earning myself a lopsided grin and a generous tip as I patiently listed off the more commonly used, simplified designations for the twins as the knowledge of them being European immigrants crossed my mind.

After Hawkeye came the Black Widow, and then Captain America with a sunny smile and his moody boyfriend in tow. While Bucky Barnes' expression was generally sour, the man had a wicked sweet tooth, shoveling frosted, glazed treats at the rate of a competitive eater. Both men were extremely polite if not very chatty and tipped well.

Tony Stark himself - well, he was a special one. His sense of humour trailed on the fine line of obscene, oftentimes raising the eyebrows of nearby people standing in line. I wasn't born yesterday, either: years of customer service work left me with little-to-no surprise regarding overzealous men and I could quip back equally as sharply, just slightly south of Tony's own jokes. He never overstepped, however, and with time, I developed a quiet appreciation for our small talks.

Which did brighten up my day, if only a little. "A little birdy told me your boss is being a douchebag. Want me to clean up that muck?" Tony was, as usual, wearing a bespoke suit and sunglasses, which he'd pushed up to his forehead as he frivolously leaned on the counter after placing his order.

I sighed, remembering Wanda's words. I didn't know what to expect from the eccentric billionaire; last of all, I didn't want any handouts. I'd started a search for a second part-time job the very day I got told my pay would be essentially cut in half. "No need, Mr. Stark, I'm gonna be fine and dandy," I replied with a smile that I was sure didn't really reach my eyes. "We'll still be able to resume our nice chit-chat at brunch on Saturdays," I winked, hoping to keep up the usual light atmosphere of our banter.

"I told you to call me Tony!" He exclaimed, like always, shaking his head and glaring at the back door. "Yeah, no," the man had absolutely no chill. "I'll still sic the IRS on him," the last part was said quietly. Mr. Stark often spoke to himself.

I laughed at the rich-kid, spoilt way he was acting. A grown man with an attitude of a teenager and a sweet tooth to match one - except for his coffee. That was always the strongest, blackest one we had on hand. I hadn't even heard of a triple espresso until Mr. Stark had waltzed in, skipping the line and filling the air around him with the smells of cologne that smelled like money, motor oil, iron and soot.

The moment I opened my e-mail at home, I felt my gloomy mood worsen, Mr. Stark's words echoing in my head. I'd sent my resumes to two dozen places and only a handful even bothered to reply - all preemptive rejections, there weren't businesses needing a part-time employee with a useless degree, who could only work evenings. Except bars, but they required some sort of certificate for bartenders and lots and lots of bare skin for waitresses. I tried to steer away from that part of the industry as much as I could, saving it as a last resort option.

It had come down to browsing Craigslist as I ate my way through a carton of cheap take-out, too exhausted to cook and too anxious to go out to the nearby bodega after 9 PM. One more negative side of working late shift - making my way home in the dead of the night in NYC and hoping Spider-Man was hanging out nearby should a thug decide on me to be their next victim. The joys of big city life.

As the column of various ads stared at me with various suspicious offers to make quick money, ads for 'young, sociable women' and I stared back at them in muted disgust. The 'looking for a job' section was much more sensible with the few ads I'd clicked on out of curiosity depicting people seemingly in a similar situation as me - short on money but not desperate enough to surrender their dignity to corporate greed. The decision was momentary - I'd started typing and hit the post button before I was through with my food, slapping my old laptop shut as soon as the as posted.

Hopefully, the creeps will stay away. The next couple of days stretched out slowly as I got up at the crack of dawn to open the shop, served the early birds whilst sipping my own matcha latte and clocked out not a second later than 2PM, taking home half the usual amount of tips. My e-mail remained as silent as ever, only a few suspicious replies to my ad, texts that I didn't even bother replying to. Human trafficking and pyramid schemes, was that all that NYC had to offer?

Apparently, not. Around 6PM, my phone dinged as a notification popped up and I scrambled to read it - all too aware of the upcoming rent day, and was pleasantly surprised with the contents of the e-mail, re-reading it several times to make sure there weren't any hidden stones under the water. I replied with my phone number, not expecting it to ring within minutes of hitting the send button.

"Hello?"

"Hi, we just corresponded," the voice on the other side was feminine but slightly rough, as if it's owner spent days chain-smoking. "I would like to invite you for a small interview, if you wouldn't mind."

I chewed on my lip in contemplation. "Could I ask you some questions first?" The levels of anxiety, I thought, were reasonable in the situation. It mutely gnawed at my chest.

"Sure," the woman agreed amicably. "My name is Odette, by the way," she mentioned off-handedly, the name fitting her voice in a strange way.

"Uh, well," I stammered. "You mentioned it's a herbal medicine shop, you're not selling weed under the counter, are you?" I voiced my worries meekly, hoping for an honest answer.

The woman laughed, a sharp, terse sound. "No, dear, I do not sell or possess anything illegal. I merely offer supplies for the locals that prefer natural, alternative medicine." She sounded jovial.

"Like - um, healing crystals?" I vaguely remembered reading about them on the internet, or seeing them in a YouTube video, perhaps.

"Yes, we sell those, too," her tone grew more joyful at the mention of the shiny rocks. I didn't think that they actually cured anything, to be honest, however I was willing to give it some credit - the placebo effect was a scientific fact. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

"Okay then," I chuckled nervously. "I'm free tomorrow after 3 PM."

"Grand. The shop is open until 10 PM, just say your name at the counter and I'll be right with you."

As soon as I hung up, relief and curiosity and trepidation blossomed within me, imagination unhelpfully supplying images of human trafficking documentaries, basements with chains and other, less horrifying but still unusual things. The pep talk over a wine glass that I had was necessary: it was a herbal shop, for fuck's sake. Worst case, I'm going to work with Karens who think the Earth is flat and quartz cures cancer. I could even get a funny story or two out of those, something to share with Bucky or Wanda in lieu of the usual book quotes I entertain them with.

The day went by smoothly, the café no more and no less busy than usual so after a brief detour back home to put on something that didn't smell like coffee grounds and yeast: comfortable pants and a soft sweater, something that would keep me warm but would not unnecessarily restrict any movement. My good luck charm, a large oval necklace with a shiny gold star in the middle, hung heavily around my neck, providing quiet comfort.

Heart thudding in my chest, I approached the old-style, inconspicuous building, double-checking the address before opening the old, heavy wooden door right at the corner of the building. It was like a movie scene, in a way - the day was overcast, meager sun rays shining through the lead curtain of clouds, the streets were clear and few honks rung out in the far end of block, sending a flock of pigeons into a lazy scatter over the slanted roof. The door creaked softly, the handle cold under my touch, instantly filling my nose with a strong smell of herbs so plentiful, I could not distinguish one from another.

Inside didn't look any less intriguing: the décor was outdated but somehow fitting and homely, high wooden shelves stocked with glass jars and wooden boxes with neatly placed labels on them. The counter was empty - save for a large, golden bell, which I timidly pressed.

The woman who emerged from behind the worn cotton curtains behind the counter most certainly was impressive. Tall and broad, with dark eyebrows and even darker eyes, she critically surveyed me for a moment, making me shiver under her gaze - and then she smiled, revealing rows of pearly white teeth and instantaneously losing the imposing aura around her.

"Um, hi- I'm-" I didn't get to finish my nervous stammering.

She interrupted me with a careless wave of her hand. "Here for the interview. Yes. Welcome, Star," her eyes briefly fell on my necklace while I struggled to swallow the unease.

I hadn't told her my nickname - to be honest, these days, I heard it more often than my given name. People quickly took notice of my love of star-patterned items and teased me relentlessly over it, losing heat only when I calmly went along with it, too used to hearing the same jokes since my early childhood.

Odette motioned me over, parting the curtains to reveal a tiny, but tastefully decorated hall with two doors on each side and a staircase at the far end of it. I followed her into the room on the left, which turned out to be a peculiar sort of office. I thought I noticed an Ouija board in there but wisely kept my mouth shut.

"I live on the floor above the shop so don't go throwing any parties while you're on the job," she remarked playfully, gesturing to a pot of tea. "It's peppermint, does wonders for calming one's demeanor," the gesture was sweet - and very telling.

I wondered if I looked as spooked as I felt. After all, it didn't seem like Odette and her business were fishy in any way, and the décor and atmosphere were quite... Appealing, in a way. Something magical, something belonging in Europe or on a high schooler's Pinterest board. I sipped my tea in-between questions, thinking how maybe, I could actually grow accustomed to this place.

The shopkeeper acted as if I'd already accepted the job and I - well, it's not like I had any other options waiting for me. The pay was more than I expected it to be, for such a small bodega and a part-time shift, and it would help me cover my bills with enough to spare. The customers were said to be mostly regular and undemanding, with a few rare exceptions, and should I need assistance, the owner was always a call and a floor away.

With a considerably lighter heart, I left to pad the damp sidewalk back towards my house. Thankfully, my new workplace was only a short walk away.

The tag list is open until the story is finished. Please use the 'taglist' Google form to request (top of the fic, clickable link).

@mikariell95 @letsby @sleep-i-ness @toomanyrobins @mostly-marvel-musings @persephonehemingway @schemefrenzy @lillsxd @bluecrazedandbeautiful @slothspaghettiwrites

[cloverfics]

always be with you ; eren yeager

warnings not edited, other than that... nothing much lol

genre fluff, angst ( ? ), modern au, established relationship

word count 1.3k

inspiration n / a

synopsis in the final days you have with eren before you have to go away for college, he takes you on one last date before you leave

a / n back from a hiatus i wasn’t even aware i was taking 😁 only explanation is that i’ve been in between fandoms and didn’t feel like writing for anyone really. but i’ve recently attached myself to jjk so let’s see how that goes

"Eren, I don't understand the need for a blindfold." Your fingers came up to touch the material for the umpteenth time. Eren scoffed, his hand coming over to swat your hand away just like the other times.

"It wouldn't be much of a surprise without one, would it?" Your body jerked to the right as Eren hit another sharp turn.

You huffed. "Well, the more you drive recklessly, the more I want this surprise to be over."

He laughed. "Don't worry, you big baby. We're here now." The car eased to a stop in what you guessed was a parking spot. It didn't take long for you to process where this surprise was.

From the amount of turns, to the salty smell of the ocean. You already knew Eren had taken you to the beach.

"We're at the beach?" Eren finally removed that blindfold. The beach was practically deserted at this hour, at least on the side Eren always brought you to.

"Don't like it?" He asked, already getting out of the car.

You followed suit, opening the passengers door and having Eren join by your side. "I don't mind but we come here all the time."

"I know, I know," Eren grabs the both of your wrists, leading you both from the pavement to the sea of sand. "But I wanted this to be the last spot we came to before you have to start packing tomorrow."

Eren said it with a smile but you could tell that sentence hurt him more to say than for you to hear. For you, Eren had always put on a brave face. No matter what the circumstances were, he always made sure you knew he was "taking it well".

Being one of the closest people to Eren, you knew when he was on the opposite spectrum of that. You knew when a situation was weighing down on him, you knew when he was stressed out, you could when he just wanted to breakdown.

You saw all those things clearly ever since you told him you wanted to travel for college. Specifically, thousands of miles away from him. Eren always knew he wanted to stay homebound for college, and so did you. But unlike him, you didn't have much ties to your hometown. Besides him and your friends.

And you had the overwhelming want to travel since forever. Since you got the chance with a scholarship to a college across the country, you weren't going to pass it up. Much to Eren's dismay.

He was upset, to say the least. It wasn't direct but he was trying to convince you to try other options. Like for example, stay with him. Thankfully, he let that hope go when he saw that you were serious about this decision.

Yet, even though you knew he had come to terms with the idea, he was still hurt and worried for your relationship. You were too. For the past year your relationship has managed to withstand anything, but the possibility that long distance could deliver the blow prodded at you.

"I think this is our usual spot." Eren sat down on the sand, bringing you down with him. You two sat side by side in silence. Just listening to the repeated crashing of the waves.

It reminded you of the moment this had become you and Eren's spot. One year ago, the both of you sitting close to this very spot on the sand. Talking about nothing. There was no worry that one of you had to leave for a while. Just the worry Eren had that you'd say no to his request of being his girlfriend.

The memory made you laugh, your forehead meeting your knees. Eren looked over in concern.

"Are you okay?" Your eyes met his curious gaze and you couldn't help but laugh more.

"I was just thinking about the night you confessed to me. And how we started dating at this exact spot." Your laughter subsided as you laid back onto the sand. In the moment, you weren't worried where it landed but you knew you'd be annoyed when you say up.

Yet, when Eren joined you and copied the way you looked up at the sky, your future worries melted with ease.

"16 year old Eren was quite the romantic, choosing to confess to you at a beach at night." Eren mused. You hummed, a soft laugh rumbling in your chest.

"Now that I think about it, I think that's the most romantic thing you've done." Your laughter was more audible when you heard Eren's gasp.

His hand landed on his chest, he was obviously offended. "I have done romantic things since then," He sat up onto his elbows.

"Like— remember the time I—" Eren paused when began to laugh more hysterically. He scoffed, plopping back onto the sand.

"You were joking." He said bitterly in realization. You nodded, shuffling over to place your head on his chest.

"I was just joking, bub. You're very romantic." Eren sucked his teeth, his hand coming up to dust sand from your hair.

You cleared your throat. "I'm going to miss this." You whispered, hesitant, hoping you didn't cut deeper into any of Eren's open wounds. He inhaled deeply.

"So am I." He whispered back, his hand rested on the side of your neck, his thumb caressing your cheek.

The silence returned but you could only focus on the present. You wouldn't get a moment like this with Eren for a while and that you couldn't even imagine.

"You know," Eren interrupted your thought process. You hummed in response. "I brought you here to stargaze."

"Really?" You inquired.

"Yea. I wanted to say one of those cheesy lines like how, even though you're thousands of miles away, I'd always be with you because of the stars. But then I realized that line was really bad." He laughed it off. And usually, you would too. But just him admitting that weighed into the fact you'd really be without him and only with him through your devices.

You wouldn't be able to hear any more borderline terrible jokes or what he considers romantic lines in person, on his chest, on his shoulder. The thought singly made tears well up in your eyes and your tears fell before you could blink them away.

The sudden wet spots of Eren's shirt and the sound of your sniffling alerted him. He sat up immediately, bringing your body up as well.

"Oh no, I know it was really bad but don't cry." Eren's fingers came to wipe your tears before cradling your face in his palms. You laughed at him sadly.

"I'm not crying because of your terrible line, idiot. I'm crying because I'm actually going miss you telling me them in person. It's not going to be the same when we're thousands miles apart." Your explanation made Eren frown.

He sighed, leaning his forehead onto your own. "I know. And I know it's selfish to say that I'd do anything for you to stay with me but I know you going to that college is what's best for you. I want what's best for you and if it means we'll have to be apart for a while, I can accept that."

Again with the silence with only the sound of the waves. You sat on Eren's words, trying to accept the situation just like he had.

You scoffed, weakly hitting his chest. "How are you taking this better than me?"

Eren laughed, pulling back hut still keeping his hands cupping your face. "I'm not, seriously. But I love you and I know that this is what's happening. And I know we'll still be together no matter what."

That made your frown upturn a bit. Eren had faith in your relationship, and there was no reason for you to have doubt when he didn't.

You sucked your teeth. "I love you too."

"Yea, I know."

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Californian Dream (Pt. 01 of 11)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader

Word count: 2.8 K

Summary: Being part of one of the richest families of California doesn't mean you're happy. Your life is boring, and you're surrounded by meaningless people and their meaningless talk. Even during Summer, with the break you have from college, there's nothing good going on. Nothing but the new pool guy, Billy, the most handsome man you ever saw. You were successfully avoiding him, not wanting to act like an idiot in front of the guy until Billy accepts to be your date for a fancy gala you're forced to attend. The night was going well, even better when he sneaked you out to go to the beach. But a gang of criminals breaks into the party, kidnapping the heirs to the wealthiest families, which includes you. So, for your safety, your parents want you to stay with Billy, living in his apartment until the criminals are caught. And that could take weeks, maybe even months.

Warnings: Light violence

Next part (02)->

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

{Dacre Montgomery Masterlist}

×

Lemonade

Ignoring the meaningless chattering, you drink what's left of your water, then put the glass against your neck, hoping the cold will help with the hot weather. Summers in California are always this hot, and since you're under the sun, it doesn't help. Some of your friends, or better saying, the family friends, the people you grew up with, are here again, using your pool as if it was some kind of club they can attend. Standing on this badly shaped circle, you pretend to listen as Ryan goes on about some mansion he helped his father sell this weekend. He's excited, gesticulating a lot, and the others seem to be quite interested too. But not you. Honestly, you couldn't care less.

Through the corner of your eye, you see someone moving on the other side of the huge pool, behind some trees. Turning your head to see it better, you easily recognize the new pool guy, Billy Hargrove. He's been working here for only a couple of months, coming a few times a week to clean the pool or to fix something. You always pay attention to the staff, because nobody else does. You like to know them since they're working at your house after all, and that made you befriend a lot of them throughout the years. But Billy? You haven't even crossed paths with him yet. On purpose.

Billy is by far the most handsome guy you ever met, and you just don't think you can say anything to his face. He probably thinks you're one of the silly, rich chicks he meets on his job, and for some reason, it bothers you.

“(Y/N).” Ryan snaps his fingers on your face, dragging you out of your thoughts. “Are you in there? Aren't you listening?”

“Yup. Sorry, I tuned out for a minute.” Politely, you apologize. “What were you saying?”

“The gala. Who are you going with?”

“Uhm... Not sure yet.” Playing with the empty glass, you move your weight from one leg to the other. “I don't have any good options.”

“What?” Gisele exclaims, giggling. “Robert wants to go with you. Daniel would easily ditch his date for you. And Michael–”

“Don't wanna go with neither of them.” Cutting her off, you decide to just say it. Robert is the most hateful person you ever met. Daniel has been chasing after you for years, it doesn't matter how hard you try to make him understand you don't like him, and every girl he dates, he does it to try and make you jealous. And Michael is a manipulative jerk. All three members of the most prestigious families of California, and desired bachelors. And yet, you can't stand them.

“Who are you going with then? The pool guy?” Gisele gestures at something across the pool, and you know at who.

“Maybe. I bet he's way better than Michael, Daniel, or Robert.” This makes all the five of them laugh, in a very mocking tone. But you mean it. “I might go by myself. Who cares?”

“Are you crazy? Your parents will care, and people will talk, you know that.” Ryan rolls his eyes, lightly slapping his friend's arm. “C'mon, Antony, let's find (Y/N) a fourth option.” The two guys smirk and walk away, and you don't even bother to ask what they're up to. You don't care.

“For real now, (Y/N),” Alice says, running her fingers through her hair. “Gisele is right. The three guys are so into you, and Robert...” She chuckles, exchanging a glance with Gisele. “He's hot. He's... So damn hot.”

“Why don't you go with him then?” You ask her, taking a deep breath and already thinking of an excuse to get away from this conversation and back into the secrecy of your bedroom.

“Because I'm dating.” She answers as if it was the most obvious thing. As if she didn't have a different boyfriend every month. “James Whayland. The one and only, heir to the Whayland fortune? Do you happen to know him?” A rhetoric question, of course. Everyone knows who the Whayland are. “I'm so gonna marry him.”

“You must,” Gisele adds. “You'd be like, stupidly rich.”

And they go on with that, a conversation you don't even try to follow. A lot of girls do that, getting married to join the fortunes and shove more money into their pockets. Your mother herself did it, and she tries to push you into doing the same, pointing out the richest bachelors of California. But you'd never do that. You rather never get married than getting married without love. It's so obvious, yet, if you bring that up, it always becomes an argument. ‘Love comes with time’, she says. ‘Once you're provided financial stability, you'll learn to love the provider.’ None of that sounds appealing to you. You're hoping to fall in love one day. It hasn't happened yet, but you'll patiently wait.

“Hey, Earth to (Y/N).” Ryan raises his voice, and, a little annoyed, you look up at him.

“What?”

“You're welcome.” He says with a wicked smile.

Furrowing your eyebrows, you tilt your head to the side. “For what, Ryan?”

“For getting you the best date ever for the gala, sweetie.” He and Antony laugh, and soon enough the others follow. “The pool guy is taking you to a high society party. How amazing is that?”

It takes a while for you to even process what he's saying, but his mean tone makes you angry. He thinks he's superior to anyone who doesn't have a collection of fancy cars in their garage. “First of all, Ryan, the pool guy has a name, alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. You're always close to the staff.” He emphasizes the last word, making a disgusted face.

“Second...” What? Second what? You know you can't go with Billy. That would get people talking. But then, the other options make you sick to even consider them. And honestly, you couldn't care less about what people say. It'll probably get you a hell of a lecture from your parents, a few weeks of gossips and mean comments, but that's it. Soon enough someone else will become the hottest topic. “You know what, forget it.” Putting the empty glass on the table, you walk away, ignoring how they call you, telling you not to be silly.

Maybe the guys are joking. Maybe they're just pulling a prank on you, but there's no problem with finding that out. Walking around the pool and into the garden, you walk around the supply closet, following the low noise of something being put into the metal shelves. The supply closet is open, so you patiently wait on the outside, barefoot on the grass as you move to stand to bellow a tree. Bouncing your leg, you look around, breathing deeply and trying to understand why the hell you decided to face Billy now. He's the only guy who works here you're making sure not to have any contact with.

“Good afternoon.” The voice startles you, and you immediately turn to face him. Billy is closing the closet door shut, eyes focused on you. And yes, he's far more gorgeous from up close. “May I help you, Miss–”

“(Y/N).” You cut him off, cursing yourself for doing so. “You may call me (Y/N).”

He simply nods, walking closer and stopping on a shadow spot too. “Do you need anything from me?”

“Uhm...” For a moment, you gotta think a little to remember what brought you here. “I just wanted to ask if maybe some two jerks came to talk to you... About a party... And... Taking a girl to this party...” Playing with your fingers, you wonder if he already thinks you're a total idiot.

“Yes. They said you needed a date for some gala.” Billy crosses his arms, not looking away from you. “If you need it, I can take you.”

Oh. Would he really do that? “Uhm... Look, Ryan and Antony meant it as a joke.” You gotta be honest, even if it means he'll give up the idea. “I mean, not for me, they're just... They're jerks. And they...” Holy crap. You have to get your shit together. “They thought it would be funny to make you think you could take me to this gala.” Taking a deep breath, you push the words out. “But... I would like it if you could because all my options suck. It's either Michael or Robert or Daniel, and you probably know they're all fighting for the award of the worst person on the face of Earth.”

“It might be really hard to make this decision. Might as well split the award in three.” He speaks up and you giggle. The staff don't usually speak like that about the families they work for. But Billy doesn't seem to care and you like that.

“Yeah. So... I know people will gossip about it but I'd be forever grateful if you could do me this kindness.” You're blushing now, biting your lip. “Because I know it's not your job or anything but I could pay you if you want.”

“There's no need.” Billy shakes his head, shrugging his shoulders. “It's a party, right? It will be fun.”

“Oh... About that...” Calling such events ‘parties’ is a misunderstanding. Almost a crime. “These things... Suck. It's super dull, full of rich people donating, trying to donate more them someone else just so they'll show off how rich they really are... You'll absolutely hate it. I do.” Gesturing at yourself, you give him an apologetic look. “I'd owe you for life if you help me get through it without having to put up with any of those assholes.”

Billy nods, looking down before his eyes meet yours again. “I believe I'll have to wear one of those suits right?”

“Well, I'll be in some uncomfortable dress, so we'll both be unhappy about our clothes.” Your mind goes to the lilac dress your mother made you buy, extremely expensive.

“Alright then. It's on Sunday, right?” You nod. “Should I pick you up?”

“Yes. At seven.” He gives a small nod before gesturing at the garden. “I gotta go now.”

“Sure...” Billy waves before walking away, and you stand there, wondering if you should go back to your so-called friends. You're sure Ryan will have that stupid smile on, eager to know what you and Billy have spoken about. And you won't tell anything, but you also don't want to deal with that shit right now, or else you might tell right to their faces how much of a jerk they are. So you decide to follow Billy through the garden, easily finding him by a particular big tree. He's opening a leaf tarp on a clean space on the grass before taking a fan rake. “This tree is dying.” You say, getting his attention. Billy turns around, furrowing his eyebrows. “That's why there are so many fallen leaves. See how some of them seem healthy, normal green leaves? It only happens when the tree is dying.”

“Then you should have someone cut it down before someone gets hurt.” He says, looking a little confused. “Shouldn't you go back to your friends?”

“Yeah, I probably should.” You're tired of all the things you should do, so for today, you won't do them. As silly as it may be. “Do you need some help?” You ask, stepping forward a little.

“No, I'm alright.” It sounds like a question, and you blush from the way he stares at you, for several seconds, before focusing on his task, raking the leaves to the tarp.

“Ok.” Whispering, you move to sit on a wooden table, one of the many you have scattered around the property. You try not to look at Billy too much, noticing how weird it feels to do this. You barely know the guy, he'll be your date for a gala, and now you're awkwardly seated here, watching as he works. Well, it is better than whatever your friends must be talking about now. “So... What exactly do you work with?” You ask, hoping to get any kind of conversation going. “I thought you just took care of the pool.”

“I work for a company. BJ's Associates.” Billy starts, and you take this chance to look at him. Despite the distance, you can see the sweat glistening on his forehead. “They send me to any place I'm needed. Some of them are scheduled weekly, others are random. And–” He makes a pause suddenly, giving you a look. “Are you bored yet?”

“No.” Shrugging your shoulders, you giggle. “I actually wanna know.”

He turns his head to look at the pool, which is a little distant now. Maybe he thinks this is some kind of move, and you wouldn't blame him, judging by the way the guys probably came to talk to him. “That's it. I clean pools, fix cars, might paint walls or something, clean gardens... The list goes on.”

“You know how to fix a car?” Raising an eyebrow, you move to seat on the table, placing both your feet on the wooden bench. “My car is making this weird noise and I'm sure it's not some normal noise.”

“How does it sounds like?”

“Like a clunking, I think... every time I hit the breaks, even when it's softly.”

“It could be some damage to the brake caliper.” He's quick to answer, and you raise your eyebrows, impressed. “Or it's badly mounted.”

“Damn, you're good.” You exclaim, giggling at his funny face.

“I just–”

“(Y/N)!” Amelia's voice reaches you, and Billy stops talking, resuming his job. “I've been looking for you.” The old lady, with her gray hair tied up on a perfect, sophisticated bun, comes to the table you're at, a tray with a jar and six glasses on her hands.

“I've been here chatting with Billy.” You tell as she lays the tray down. “And no, I won't go back to the pool.”

“They're talking about James Whayland.” She starts, rolling her eyes. Amelia is the only one in this house, well, the only one you know who understands you. “Alice Martin was talking about marrying him...?”

“Yup.” A stronger wind messes with your hair, so you use a hand to keep it away from your face. “Something about joining their fortunes and being the king and queen of California. Some shit like that.”

“Poor Alice.” Amelia breathes out, taking a glass and pouring some lemonade on it before handing it over to you. “That Whayland kid is not the nicest guy on Earth.”

“Poor James!” You giggle, putting your glass down and serving her some lemonade too. She doesn't like when you do that, since she's here to serve you. Amelia, the woman who raised you is here for nothing else than to serve you. So unbelievable it almost makes you laugh. “Alice isn't nice either. She can be very manipulative to get what she wants.”

“Don't I know?” She mutters. “Well, I must go. Serve this to your friends.”

“No, no, no. Take your glass and leave the rest. If someone complains tell them I'll drink the whole jar.” Taking the tray from her hands, you place it down on the table again.

“Alright, Miss–”

“(Y/N). Honey. Bunny. Anything, but not this formal stuff, ok?” You correct her, and Amelia gives you a bright smile.

“Alright, (Y/N).” She repeats before turning around and walking away, cordially greeting Billy.

Taking a sip from your glass, you smile to notice Amelia's lemonade is as good as always. A little too sour for your parents taste, but you like it better this way. Your attention goes back to Billy, still dealing with the fallen leaves, despite being almost done. If you ask, he might say no, so you just pour another glass before jumping to the ground, making your way over him. “Here.” Raising your voice, you get his attention. And once again he has this confused expression on his face when he sees the glass. “Lemonade. It's hella hot out here and this might help.”

“Thanks.” Squinting his eyes a little, he takes the glass from your hand, taking long sips, drinking almost everything.

“Sorry if it's a little too sour. I don't like much sugar on it and Amelia knows so...” When he's done, he gives you back the glass. “Why are you looking at me like that? I swear I'm not a ghost.”

“That's not it. I'm just not used to being treated like that by the owners.” Billy's voice gets a little darker, and he pronounces the last word with certain anger. But you can imagine exactly why. Most of the people you know aren't very fond of their employees. They're just the people they pay off to do what they can't do by themselves.

“I know how some of the families can be mean.” Drumming your fingers on the empty glass, you stand there, staring at Billy, just now noticing the deep, beautiful shade of blue from his eyes. Involuntary, you breathe out, smiling.

“What?”

“Nothing!” You burst out, clearing your throat and finding your legs again, making the way back at the table. “I–”

“(Y/N)!” A shout startles you, and when you turn at the source of the voice, you see it's Gisele. “Get back here! You won't guess who just got here.”

“If it isn't Michael Jackson ready to perform Beat It, I'll be disappointed.” You mutter, only loud enough for Billy to hear it as you walk back to the pool.

“Call me if it's him,” Billy says and you giggle, giving him one last look.

It's not Michael. Well, it is, but not Jackson, just Michael Rothford. He stands by the pool, where everyone gathers around him. Trying not to look pissed, you move closer, offering a polite, fake smile. “Good afternoon, Mike. How have you been?”

“I'm way better now.” He answers, and you try to ignore how everyone moves a little, giving you more space to move closer to Michael. He takes your hand, giving it a shake, and awkwardly squeezing it softly. “I'm here to ask, once again, for you to let me take you to Sunday's gala.”

The two idiots, Antony and Ryan start giggling, and you know exactly why. “Sorry, Mike, I can't.” Pulling your hand away, you cross your arms. “I already have someone, so...” Thank God you have the perfect excuse, and it's not even a lie. You're so damn relieved you won't be forced to attend to such a boring event with someone like Michael.

“Who?” He snaps, suddenly pissed. “Daniel is going with that Angela chick. Robert, you can't stand. Andrew isn't in the country, Willian–”

“You don't know him, alright?” Cutting him off, you sigh.

“Oh, shit,” Ryan mutters, and you give him a look. He has a hand covering his mouth, trying to control a laugh. “You're really going to the gala with the pool guy.” Antony burst into laughter, and the others try to control themselves not to.

“You rather go with the staff than with me?” Michael sounds offended as if he was punched in the face. “Are you kidding me, (Y/N)?”

Quickly, you try to think of something to say. You can't say the truth, that he's a hateful human being you can't stand being next to. But nothing comes to your mind. “No, I'm not. I... Actually wanna go with Billy.”

“Honestly, (Y/N), screw you.” He barks, and before you can answer, he grabs both your shoulders and pushes you straight into the water.

Everything happens way too fast for you to process, so there was no way you could tell him you absolutely can't swim. So the moment you hit the water, you just sink, your body moving to the bottom, way too far from the surface. You do try moving your legs a bit, uselessly. But you're suddenly pulled, strong arms moving you through the water until you finally reach the surface, gasping for air. Breathing fast, the terror finally starts kicking in, and you push yourself up, stumbling a little, ignoring all the hands that offer help. Once you're out of the water, seated on the edge, you finally see who saved you, Billy, also pushing himself up, only with a lot more grace than you. You exchange a glance, and his hand is the one you take, pulling yourself back to your feet.

“You can't swim?” You hear Michael's voice, a curse caught in your throat. “I never met a Californian who can't swim.”

Not minding the small crowd around, you make you walk to Michael, losing no time before slapping him right on the face, the loud noise of your wet hand colliding to his cheek startling some of your friends. “Asshole!” You yell before storming away, embarrassed, still struggling to catch your breath, feeling cold thanks to your soaked clothes.

“Hey.” Someone calls, but you ignore them, walking fast into the house. “(Y/N).” Your arm being grabbed makes you stop walking and turn around, ready to make hell rain on whoever it is, but your fury melts away when you see Billy. “Are you ok?”

Taking a deep breath, you relax a little, nodding. “Yeah, I just... Got scared.” He lets go of your arm, but you don't step away, looking into his blue, calming eyes. “Thank you, though. You saved my life.”

“Can't believe he threw you at the water like that.”

“See why I need you to take me to that stupid party?” Crossing your arms, you pace around. “I can't even begin to imagine how it'd be to spend the night with that prick.” Looking down, you notice how you and Billy are dripping, soaking the white floor. “I gotta go change, and you should... I don't know. At least you got to enjoy the pool for a while.”

“I'd rather enjoy it when you're not drowning.”

“Yeah, that would be better.” Shyly smiling, you give a step backwards. “I gotta go... But thanks again.” Stopping in your tracks, you decide to be just a little brave. Stepping closer, you tiptoe to place a quick kiss on Billy's cheek, before turning around and rushing upstairs to your bedroom.

×

@multific @dontxfearxthereaper @nope-thanks @nikkixostan @shinydixon @alwaysadreamingoptimist

[lokis-army-77]

If You Please

Chapter four

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 1860

I'm bad at writing descriptions, so this is basically a reader insert into The First Avenger and then we'll see how it goes from there.

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After about thirty minutes of driving, we made it out of the tunnel, after another hour we made it to the camp. When the car was finally parked I slid out of the back seat and straightened my skirt. I looked over the top of the car at Peggy, she motioned for me to follow her. She led us to one of the army's many jeeps.

“The project recruits are in the training field, we’ll have to drive over to them." She hoisted herself up into the cab and I quickly followed suit. The ride to the training field was short, but in the few minutes, it took us to get there a wave of anxiety crashed onto me.

The thought of seeing Steve here was panic-inducing. I had only just seen him a few hours before but having him see me in the job that I had kept secret from him was not fun. I had a feeling that this was going to be a long day.

As the jeep came to a stop I could see the line of recruits and there stood Steve right in the middle of them. He wasn't that hard to miss, he did stick out like a sore thumb. I leaned up between Peggy and the driver and said, "I don't think i can do this right now."

Peggy looked over her shoulder at me, "you can do this Roger's, there is nothing to worry about. Let's just go do our job." I took a deep breath and nodded, exiting the jeep.

I trailed slowly behind Peggy and stopped just out of Steve's view. I watched while she introduced herself to the line of men. As she walked down the line one of the men commented on her accent. Turning to ask his name he responded with, "Gilmore Hodge, your majesty."

Peggy then asked him to step forward and once he had done so, he was swiftly met with a punch to the face. I let a small laugh out as he fell backward.

“Agent Carter, I see you’re breaking in the candidates. I also see that you’ve brought Agent Rogers as well,” Colonel Phillips called out as he and Dr. Erskine came towards the group. We both quickly gave him a salute. With the mention of my name, I knew my cover was blown and I walked out to where Peggy and Coronel Phillips stood and introduced myself. My eyes fell on Steve who looked utterly shocked.

The Coronel then proceeds to give his small speech about how we would win the war because we have “the best men”. When he noticed Steve he also added “and because they are going to get better.” He continued by telling the men about the SSR and what the goal of the program was. When the words super-soldier were said, I could see the men take a sharp breath in and puff their chests out. From the looks of it, I could already tell these men were not what a super-soldier should be. I continued to watch Steve as he sent me questioning looks. I mouthed to him that I would explain later and he nodded slightly.

After the Coronel’s speech was when the real work began. They went straight into training exercises, push-ups, sit-ups, jumping jacks, every exercise you could think of. I stood back and watched, only chiming in when I saw one of the men slacking or doing something incorrectly. Steve was in the middle of the group, trying his hardest to keep up with the others, but he never quit.

Once night fell the recruits were sent off to the canteen for supper. They all trotted off in a group but Steve didn’t move from the spot he had been in. I looked over at him and sighed. I waved Peggy on and walked over to my brother. He started to speak but I quickly interrupted him. “Before you say anything I want to say I’m sorry for keeping this from you, I was legally forbidden from saying anything to you.”

He stood there for a minute processing, mouth opening and closing like he was going to say something but then quickly thought better of it. He raked his hands through his hair and exhaled heavily. “I.. I have no idea what to say. When did you even have the time to join the SSR?” He asked, sounding a little cross.

“Do you remember when I started taking night classes down at the community college? Well, I was actually in training here with the SSR. I’m not really sure how it happened, it just did. I really wanted to tell you so bad, but I couldn’t. I hope you understand why.” My head hung low as I spoke, this and my engagement were the only two things I have ever kept from my brother and to have one less thing weighing on my mind felt like a relief.

“I understand, you only did what was asked of you,” he spoke calmly and pulled me into a hug.

“Thank you, Stevie.” I gave him a tight hug back. I let go and started to walk to the canteen. “Now, here I am your superior, I can't be giving you special treatment because you’re my big brother.”

“I wouldn’t want you to. So do I just call you Agent Rogers from now on? I'm not going to lie, that's a little weird,” He laughed, falling into step with me.

“Yes that's exactly what you should call me and I’ll just call you Rogers from now on, maybe with a little more force.” I chuckled and shook my head, “I have a meeting to get to so go get some supper and get your things unpacked. I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow morning at 0600, soldier.” I turned to my right and headed for the main office building of the camp.

Over the next few days, Peggy and I watched over the training of the recruits. I watched as Steve lagged behind in every exercise and obstacle, but he managed to pull through. He used his smarts to get through some of the tasks, unlike the others who relied on their brute force. Dr. Erskine kept a close eye on him whenever he was present on the training field. I knew that Steve was his one and only choice out of the group to help further the experiment we were conducting.

Today was no different than any other, I peered at the men doing seats of burpees in the midday heat. “Let's go girlies! Faster! My grandmother can do these faster than this!” I yelled, pacing back and forth behind the group. To my right, I noticed the

Coronel and Dr. Erskine had arrived. They were deep in a conversation when I heard Peggy shout from the front of the group and I turned back to watch the men do their exercises.

The next thing I knew someone was shouting “grenade”. The whole area went into a panic. I spotted the grenade and started towards it in hopes to reduce the damage it would do if it was just left to sit. Before I could reach it, Steve dove on top of it.

“Get away! Get back!” he yelled. I dropped to my knees next to him, my heart pounded in anxiety but the explosion never came. I realized that it was a dud, one of the grenades used to train with. Steve uncurled himself out of his position and looked over at Colonel Phillips and Dr. Erskine, “Is this a test?” I grabbed his arm and pulled him up to his feet with me.

“Well, that was interesting. I can’t believe you would jump on a grenade Steve,” I shook my head.

“You’re one to talk, I saw you running straight for it too. Even when I was on top of it you still stayed. I told you to get away,” he chided.

“Steve don’t scold me, I couldn't just let you blow up. That was really brave of you though. Not many people would do what you just did.”

“Mr. Rogers, Agent Rogers, please come see me for a moment,” called Dr. Erskine. Steve and I looked at one another and then walked over to the doctor. “Come, follow me.” He led us to a jeep where we hopped in and were taken to one of the office buildings.

Inside the office, Dr. Erskine pointed at two chairs for us to sit in while he went behind his desk and took his seat. “I’ll just get right to the point. Mr. Rogers, I believe you will be the best candidate for this operation. You too Agent Rogers. I believe you both will be the best options for what we are trying to do here.” He explained to us. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This project was supposed to only have one participant, not two.

“If I may, I thought this was only going to be carried out on only one person, why choose the both of us,” I questioned.

Dr. Erskine looked at Steve and then at me. “This is my experiment, I can choose however many test subjects I would like to perform on. Not only that but you both displayed what I would like a candidate for the experiment to have, and that's courage and a good heart. Agent Rogers I’ve known you for a couple years now and I have had you in mind for this for a while,” He paused and looked down at the papers on his desk, “I also believe that since I did some testing with your blood work that the success rate will be greater since the two of you are siblings.”

Steve and I nodded as we listened to what he was telling us. He continued to recount to us what he had experienced with Hitler and Johann Schmidt. He told us of the unfinished serum that Schmidt had taken and that there were dire consequences, he had gained power and strength but at what cost?

“The serum,” he paused, “the serum amplifies what is on the inside, not just physicality. Good becomes great and bad becomes worse. Not only did I choose you because of what I have seen in you but because I know that someone who is weak or has been looked down upon knows the value of strength and compassion, unlike the bully who has had power his whole life.” He poured himself a drink and then two more for us. “Just promise me that whatever happens in the lab tomorrow, you two will stay good-hearted and true to yourself, do not become the perfect soldiers they want you to be. Now, drink up, you have a procedure tomorrow no liquids or food will be allowed after 10 o’clock tonight.” He handed us our glasses and then he picked his own up. I glanced at Steve and after raising my glass in a toast I slung my head back and felt the burn of the alcohol sliding down my throat.