#i couldn't draw anything bc school Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[seaofreverie]

So busy with Sparkstember that I almost forgot that I go back to school on tuesday

[cvntluver444]

7 mins in heaven w ellie😇😇😇😇

thank you so much for your request and your support love!! <3

✞ 7 minutes ✞

✿ summary : the request!

✿ warnings : smut minors/men (boys) dni, puss rubbing, dirtyy talk, shy reader, sweet ellie, ellie teaching reader, reader is in closest!!!!!!, mentions of reader in str@ight relationship, almost getting caught!, if i missed any lmk pls!

✿ a/n : thank you for supporting my works as always! this is not my best work bc i used all my creative brain juice on my last fic so i am so sorry! unfortunately, i am headed back to school this weekend so my writing is going to slow down, but i'm not stopping don't worry babies. im hoping to put out 2-3 fics a week still!!!! keep sending in those requests! I have one more to work on, so to the anon who requested it its coming i promise my love!!!!

ALSO i did kind of make this a personal fic im so sorry LMAO basically i just explain how when i finally realized i was gay YAYAYA !!!!!!! but yeah warning again the reader in this is based on me so it is like finding out you're into girls later on kind of thing so if this is something you're not interested in feel free to skip! I hope you like it lucy!!! (idk if that's your real name im just going to call u that teehee) i love you all so much! muah

✿ as always, please remember to keep spreading information on and support Palestine!!

daily click

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

you anxiously played with your fingers as the last of the party guest gathered around the huge circle. your friends and you decided to spend your saturday night at one of your classmates party, resulting in you now dreading your turn in the 'truth or dare' game.

"you okay?" you turn your head to your left as your eyes land on your friend, who clearly could pick up on how nervous you looked.

"yeah i'm fine," you tell her. "just hope i don't have to do anything stupid or embarrassing. she laughs at your comment.

"don't worry, i doubt you'll even get picked. there's a lot of people here and were all drunk so, who cares!'. her shouts fills the room, drawing a couple eyes toward the two of you. you giggle and hide your face, trying to tell her to keep it down. in the midst of shushing her, your eyes graze the room, watching people roll their eyes at her behavior. but your eyes catch someone else's and you freeze.

ellie williams

she sends you a soft smile, a dark look in her eyes. you gulp and look away quickly. god, she was so hot you thought. you hope she couldn't how flustered she made you. you hope no one could. your whole life, you've always had no problems catching boys' attention. you could have a whoever, whenever, but with this luxury came its flaw. you never actually liked the boys you went out with, you just loved being loved, being in a relationship. you never understood why you felt that way, but just continued on normally, not giving yourself a chance to actually explore more about yourself. but when you first met ellie freshmen year, the feelings finally became visible, especially after finding out she was also into girls; however, you were still not sure if she felt the same. This caused you to once again burry your feelings and close yourself up. You were too scared, and way too sober to even try to talk to ellie.

suddenly, a loud voice can be heard yelling throughout the house. "truth or dare starting now in living room," on boy shouted. your palms became sweaty and you prayed that everyone would pick up on your uncomfortableness and just leave you alone. as always though, the world likes to work in funny ways, and you feel a large presence sit next to you and tap you on the shoulder.

"hey," the boy smiles, "cool if i sit here?" you just give me a simple nod of your head and continue your attention elsewhere, your thoughts interrupted once again. "you look good tonight, by the way". you turn back around, and give him a quiet thanks, and before he could respond, everyone around you begins to pick who will go first for the game.

after three or four people went, you began to grow annoyed. the man next to you could not take the hint, and you were the only person here not having a good time.

"alright williams," the room cheers silently, "truth or dare". your attention is now fully on ellie. she stares up at her friend who just picked on her, small smirk on her face as she answers with a confident dare. "hmmm," her friend hums out loud, looking around the room. you swear you see their eyes stop on yours for a second, before they get an idea. "i dare you to do 7 minutes in heaven," they pause and the room is filled with oooo's. your heart drops a bit. "a person of your choosing." now everyone was going crazy. everyone knew ellie was gay, and everyone knew she made every girl gay, so it was a pretty heavy dare.

ellie smiles up at her friend, sage you think their name is, before she slowly starts scanning the room. you quickly look down, hoping that your avoided eye contact would make you more invisible. your only focus now was watching your fidgeting fingers and giving back half asses answers to the man beside you who still will not shut up.

you hear ellie suck in her breathe before she slowly gets up from the ground. all you wanted to do in this moment was sink into the ground, not sure how you were going to handle seeing ellie pick another girl that isn't you and go fuck her in the closet. too deep in your thoughts, you don't hear the air leave your friends lungs as a certain someone stalks towards you. you only know ellie is right in front of you once you see the beat up sneakers sneak right under your vision.

your eyes widen and you cant breathe. there has to be someone behind you right? no, she could not pick you. in fear that you would be disappointed when looking up, you keep your head down, telling yourself that you're just-

your friend next to you quietly says your name, excitement laced in her voice. she was the only one you told, the only one you could trust with something so personal to you, so to say she was absolutely ecstatic to see ellie pick her best friend, well that was an understatement.

after your quick reality check, your line of vision trails from the top of her feet, all the way to her line of vision, where you see hear towering over you, smirk on her face. you felt like you were going to throw up.

"wanna come with me?" she asks you, that little smile never leaving her face. you look around the room, everyone in just as much shock as you. you look back at ellie, and without thinking twice, you nod your head yes.

she grabs her hand out for you to take, and you two make your way into the closet in between the living room and kitchen, but not before ellie yells something along the lines of keep yourselves busy, and don't be pervs. you feel like you're dreaming, you can't believe ellie williams picked you. but suddenly, you're brought back into reality when she closes the closet and turns on her phone flashlight.

"so," she begins, "how's your night been." you now grow extremely insecure at how little you've been talking to her, not knowing exactly what to do next considering you've never been with a girl.

"oh uh," you begin, "it's been okay. what about yours?" stupid stupid stupid.

"pretty good. saw that guy talking to you. you looked uncomfortable so thought i would save you." she gives a light giggle, but your heart drops and you look at her with sad eyes.

"oh uh yeah haha thanks," you attempt to say, sadness clearly laced in your voice. ellie picks up on it.

"are you okay? did he do anything?" she asks you, coming closer, concern reading all over her face. you blush at how much she cares about you.

"no, no, he didn't do anything, just was annoying," you let out a breathy laugh. "i guess i just thought that we were gonna, ya know, since you picked me, um, never mind this is stupid." your cheeks are now red with embarrassment, and ellies face softens at your rambling.

"aw, no sweetie. just because i picked you doesn't mean we have to do anything. i know you're not into girls." she gives you a friendly tap on the shoulder. ouch. your heart has now sank completely, and you slowly go to reach for the closet door handle. ellie looks confused, before she panics and grabs your hand.

"where are you going? it hasnt been 7 minutes yet sweetheart," she asks you.

"i was just gonna go back. kinda boring just doing nothing here." you tell her sadly.

"well, what do you want to do?" she still hasn't caught on? at this point, you feel like you will never get another chance again. with your ego still a little boosted that she chose you, you answer her.

"i wanna kiss you, ellie," you tell her. she freezes in the spot she's in before she slowly relaxes and relief washes over her face.

"i wanna kiss you too." she tells you. you look up at her, hope in your eyes, and she slowly grabs yours chin with her fingers and pulls you towards her. your lips meet and you both slowly start to make out. now you know why it was called 7 minutes in heaven. pleasure rushed through your body, and you instantly melted into the kiss. it was the first time you actually felt something when kissing someone, and in the bliss of this new feeling, you now put your arms around her shoulders.

the kiss deepens and turns more sinful as ellies hands now trail down to your ass and give it a light squeeze. you moan into her mouth and she groans back in response. her hands now start exploring your body, covering every inch of you until they make their way down towards your loose jeans. you quickly pull away, feeling like a complete virgin even though this kind of stuff is nothing new to you.

"woah, hey, you okay? we can stop if you want," ellie tells you, scared that she may have gone too far.

"no ellie its not you, its just," you try to find the right words. "i've never actually been with a girl before." you tell her, shame written all over your features. she lightly grabs your face once more as she gives you another passionate kiss.

"im happy to help you through it, and if you ever want me to stop, you just tell me." she explains, leaving light kisses all over you exposed next and chest. you moan out as you give her your permission to continue. her lips find her way back to yours, taking control of the kiss. in between each breath, she made sure to tell you how beautiful you were, and how much she had been dreaming of this. you return the compliments, gasping when ellie now picks you up and leans you down on the closet floor.

now on top, she puts all her weight on her elbow, as the other one trails down from your chest, then your stomach, to finally the place where you needed her the most. still kissing you, her fingers undo your buttons. once your jeans were shoved down, and your panties moved to the side, ellie breaks the kiss.

you whine from the loss of contact, and she shushes you. "is it ok if i touch you?" she asks you politely.

"yes, ellie. please touch me," you beg her. "want you so bad." her lips suddenly reconnect with yours, and her fingers start rubbing light circles on your clit. you moan as she teases you, never feeling this way with any guy you've ever been with.

"you make the prettiest noises," she tells you, nipping at your lips. "fuck, and you're so wet too." her talking alone brings you even closer to your high, another new feeling.

you feel her fingers now trail down and tease your entrance, making the most sinful sound. she bites her lips, then starts pumping two fingers inside of you.

your eyes now roll to the back of your head and ellie falls to your side, the new position allowing her to finger you even faster. your head leans into her shoulder, and tears brim in your eyes from how good shes making you feel.

"faster, please," you beg, now staring into her eyes. the innocent look on your face causes her pussy the clench.

"yeah baby? you want me to go faster?" she teases you. "ill do anything for you beautiful." that was enough to send you over the edge, and you start to shake and she speeds up her motions.

"els" is all you can get out, but she knows exactly what you're trying to say, telling you to let go and cum all over her fingers.

and you're about to, until you hear yelling outside the closest door, and people are banging on your door, telling you seven minutes has passed.

you and ellie groan, and you're about to scream out of frustration, before ellies low voice cuts you off.

"i want you to get dressed and meet me outside my car, we can finish this at me." she tells you, a loving look on her face. you giggle and give her a quick peck, before jumping up and putting on your clothes.

you two come out of the closet, rushing towards the front door, completely ignoring all your friends and strangers random questions flying your way.

"where are they going?"

"are they holding hands?"

"do you think they did anything?"

"they so fucked."

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

✿ a/n: heh, they came out the closet. anyways, like i said, very personalized im sorry i hit my penjamin and im in my feels but i really hope you guys liked it! my requests are still open! love you all so much and don't forget to follow because i post frequently!! <3

[cussima]

i shifted accidentally for the first time last night 😭

it wasn't my first time shifting, but it was my first time shifting on accident to a reality completely unknown to me 😭 Anyway here's that (long, quite detailed) story time !! (with reaction pics of course 😋)

i was so tired last night, and i had to wake up at 7AM today, i wanted my mind to be quiet so i could fall asleep easily and not have any vivid/random dreams (they make it so i can't rest well)

my subconscious with a different plan:

i remember being asleep here, lying on my bed and the darkness of my room, and all of the sudden i was standing in front of a white haired professor in a school in JAPAN !!!

now I don't have any japanese drs, or am close to anything japanese for that matter (i dont watch anime, etc etc) i think maybe i thought how i'd like to go to a tokyo grand prix for five seconds yesterday but that was it 😭 there was absolutely no reason for me to have woken up in a different country AND AT A SCHOOL !! for that matter like i genuinely have no idea what happened.

ANYWAYS...

the professor just talked about how i was new and my professors, and classmates, and all (i don't remember exactly what he said but when i woke up i knew it was an introductory "welcome to this school talk) and sent me to a classroom where i got way too worked up about a sexist mf, i kinda yelled at him for being sexist and the shit he was saying.

(i didn't YELL i confronted him and told him his ideology was stupid and might've given him (thrown...ish) some stuff to him but it was on topic i promise it was more like i landed him... some trash... like i put it at his feet for him to pick up okay, let's move on)

then i left that class !! but it was just as other classes were about to begin and another guy that had been in that class with me dragged me into another classroom because he had liked me (he didn't say it but he was rlly nice to me so i assumed he liked me) (liked me as in yk he didn't hate me after the whole class confrontation, i just had so he wasn't as bad as that other mf !!, im not saying he fell in love w me just in case anybody gets confused) (also the classroom wasn't empty he just had another class and dragged me along with him)

in that classroom he told me to put my hood on (i was wearing a black cotton jacket with a hood on it, we didn't have uniforms) and to not draw too much attention to myself (it was an all boys class, so if the professor found out im a girl she would've kicked me out and tbh idk what i would've done 😔)

and then the teacher came in, (i wanna describe her bc she was sooo,,, teacher core LMAO she had a big nose, glasses, red hair up, burgundy sweater and a white sort of lab coat thingy) introduced the class, and said she was going to play a movie, closed the class curtains and that's when i started remembering i had shifted here.

she played the movie (looking back at it now, i think they might've picked up from where they had left off in a previous class)

it was a movie with rupert grint where he was an adult and he had discovered like a magical realm, i remember i thought of harry potter (bc of rupert) and knowing that had never existed there, he had never been ron. There was also a blonde woman (gorgeous long blonde hair kinda looked like tilda swinton) and a little girl that was somehow related to Rupert's character.

I realized that movie didn't exist in this reality and that's when I sort of began panicking and remembered i had Actually shifted there

I decided to check my 5 senses but then I realized I don't know the steps to do it....

like i have to 5 what 4 what 3 what 2 what 1 what

so i just touched the desk where i was sitting, i touched the paper from the boy's notebooks and more stuff i can't remember, i remember wanting to touch the pencils inside the pencilcases but I couldn't be loud + those weren't mine !! and then i breathed in a couple times

and then i opened my eyes here again

now I know that stuff really doesn't work for me it just brings me back to my dr, because im just trying to remember what the tiktok i saw on this reality about the 5 senses method said 😭

ALSO !!

something i didn't mention is that when I walked into the second classroom, i got nervous when i realized it was an all boys class. I don't know what the class was on, i was looking around frantically, the curtains surprised me they were dark and i had never seen dark gray curtains in a classroom (what a stupid culture shock 😭)

when the teacher came in i put my hair on my eyes to FAKE A FRINGE !!! I didn't listen to her at all when she began the class, and then another guy with big blue eyes was mouthing something to me and the boy behind me, the boy i was with said "he's deaf just read his lips"

MF I DON'T KNOW HOW TO READ LIPS ?!?

so now im nervous as fuck about not being able to read his lips and looking like an asshole that doesn't want to talk to deaf people

all while trying not to get kicked out of this class !!

it was A Lot of information to take in 😭 no wonder i shifted back i was being silly af

also THEN i shifted to a reality where my phone had barely charged (it had a decent amount of battery after i shifted, it went from 75% at 5AM when i woke up from my shift to 25% at 7AM)

[yanderepuck]

Fun facts I've learned about Van Gogh by doing my own research and by tour guides in the Van Gogh museum:

Started art bc he thought it was easy

Does NOT understand how the postal system works and that it takes time for a letter to be received (he got to Theo's house before his letter, thus surprising them that he arrived and is moving in)

He also tended to burn his mail after reading it

Tried to take art classes but the moment he got bored he did what he wanted

The Japanese that's painted around The Plum Tree is an address to a brothel

Man offered his severed ear to a prostitute

Was an art dealer and hated it

Dropped out of school 3 times

Went to school to be a priest like his father but failed the final test and didn't try again.

Theo couldn't sell a single one of his paintings

Only signed the paintings that he liked

Thought that the Potato Eaters was his best painting ever, but art critics say it is one of the worst paintings

He painted 50 portraits as of peasants and chose the best 5 to put in the paintings and they were still considered awful

Gauguin didn't consider him much of an artist because Vincent couldn't paint from memory/imagination. He had to look at something in front of him

Was one of the first to use tube paint and was looked down upon for it

Theo had to pay Gauguin to move in with Vincent

Drank a LOT of absinthe

Was a regular at brothels

Nearly married a former prostitute (Theo and parents were against it and their relationship ended after 18 months)

Theo wrote to him more than he wrote back

Had no kids himself but had two kids named after him (Theos child and the Prostitutes child)

Loved Japanese art

Didn't want to romanticize peasant/poor life which is why many of his paintings didn't do well

Took a drawing class where they did 0 painting. Did a study with a skull and Vincent went "fuck it" and painted it which was absolutely not allowed in the class.

Was never actually diagnosed with anything, but modern day professionals have diagnosed him with 'manic depression' 'schizophrenia' and 'epilepsy'. But since these were made after he died they cannot be 100% confirmed.

This man was wild tbh and every time I learn something new about him it's wild

[coupsjin]

ੈ✩‧₊˚ ot13 svt: when they first saw you

╰┈➤ summary: you meeting for the first time!

╰┈➤ warnings: none

a/n: some members you met at hybe, and others in just random places - i didn't want to keep them all at hybe bc that would just be boring

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

scoups / seungcheol

when he first saw you at a restaurant, he couldn't take his eyes off you

he was with a couple of his friends, but he couldn't seem to keep up with conversations

when you made eye contact his stomach was filled with butterflies

he secretly smiled to himself, turning his attention back to his friends :(

but i feel like no matter how much he wanted to come up to you, he didn't want to make you uncomfortable

so when you were leaving he lied to his friends that he was going to the bathroom and asked for your number

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

jeonghan

you and jeonghan always ride the same subway back from work

he didn't notice you at first, but the third time that he was on the subway with you, he noticed that he'd seen you before

every day he got a bit closer to you - sitting in the same row of chairs, standing close to you

until he finally found the courage to sit beside you and make conversation

he's just genuinely excited to get to know you :(

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

joshua / jisoo

you were at an amusement park - there was a ride that goes pretty high, and is just to see the night views

you and joshua have to sit next to each other, because your other friends are paired together

he would be super nice, making conversation as the ride went up

when you got to the top, the ride started spinning slowly

wind went through your hair, he couldn't take his eyes off you

after the ride he asks for your number <3

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

junhui

jun first saw you at hybe

you work at hybe in business management, and you had seen him a couple times at meetings and gatherings

when he first saw you, the first thing he noticed were your eyes

to someone else, they look just like any other eye. but to him, there was something special about how when you smile, your eyes went slightly down, drawing him in

he asked you out after becoming friends, just to make sure you were comfortable :(

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

hoshi / soonyoung

he first saw you when working out with mingyu

you were at the gym to do some cardio and weights, when you noticed two guys occasionally looking and whispering about you

after some time, hoshi starts using the machine next to you, pretending to stretch when really trying to show off his muscles to you (mingyu taught him this)

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

wonwoo

regulars at the library (to study or look for books) you and wonwoo have met each other a couple times

he's not the type to start conversation, but sometimes he asks you if you're looking for anything specific or if you've read a certain book

after weeks of just small talk, he invites you to come read with him on a couch in the library

just really wholesome convos, talking about books and school :(

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

woozi

you and woozi were volunteering at a cat shelter for a day

he saw you playing with the baby kittens, thinking it was cute how your voice changed pitches

you two got along, making casual conversation while playing with cats together

playful banter was also a common theme

a really cute day for both of youu

he asked if you wanted to volunteer with him again when the day was over <3

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

dk / seokmin

seokmin suddenly got the urge to learn the piano. he asked woozi and bumzu for any tutors that were good, and they suggested you

on the first lesson, seokmin proved to have a talent in piano. you were surprised, getting excited to teach him more

dk thought that you were really pretty from the moment you walked in though he didn't show it

he looked forward to your lessons every saturday all week, messaging you about "questions" he had, which was just an excuse to talk to you :(

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

mingyu

met at a cooking class

as a horrible cook, you wanted to at least be able to make yourself something fast (and that tastes good)

mingyu was at the cooking station next to you, saying hello when you arrived

when you started struggling, he noticed and offered to give you a hand

you agreed, getting along with him really easily

you two had really great laughs, messing up and getting your hands drenched in sauce when he accidentally spilled some on you

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

the8 / minghao

met at hybe! you were his vocal coach, as he was preparing for his new album (manifesting)

he was having some difficulty with a certain part, so you demonstrated for him

he was shocked by your singing voice, suddenly having an attraction towards you

he thought "how could someone this pretty also sing this well?"

you and him really enjoyed your time together

he asks you out on your last session with him :(

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

seungkwan

you met at a marathon, planning to only run half of it

you and seungkwan were next to each other when it was about to start, and he wished you good luck

you ended up sticking next to each other for most of the marathon, motivating each other and finishing the race together

seungkwan loves people who are perseverant and dedicated to something, and he found you really attractive from that moment

later on when you start dating, you would train for marathons together :')

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

vernon / hansol

you were one of the backup dancers for seventeens new comeback (also manifesting)

specifically, you were in the hip hop teams performance

you had been a fan of seventeen for quite some time, this was a really exciting opportunity for you

vernon loved your energy - bright, but not to overwhelming that he felt uncomfortable

he found himself drawn towards you, and have talked to all his hyungs about you at this point

in the song, theres a dance where the members touch the shoulder of a backup dancer

for vernon, he had to touch your shoulder, which was the highlight of the practice :((

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

dino / chan

you were the new staff that was in charge of filming and editing the going seventeen episodes

on your first shoot, all the members said hello to you with a big smile

but the member with the biggest smile was dino

when he wasn't being filmed, he would always glance in your direction, trying to find you in the crowd of producers and cameras

after a while, he asks you out after one of the shoots :)

[wheresmymilliondollarman]

reader x xander Hawthorne please 🥺

xander hawthorne x fem!reader

hcs about meeting & dating xander hawthorne

a/n: HI IM BACK! & tysm for the request!! xander is so underrated 👎 thats my bae fr🫶 currently working on other stuff but wanted to do this request bc i immediately had ideas for this!! i still don't completely get how school worked in the books, so if there's any wrong info please bare w me. if this wasn't what you had in mind feel free to send a specific request! again, this is kinda fic like but still calling it hcs.

word count: 7.3k

warnings: long backstory again, mentions of death, sexual themes. (pls lmk if you see anything else that should be labeled as a warning)

you’ve always lived on the middle side class of things. you were, thankfully, never poor, but also never rich enough where you could afford the more luxurious things in life.

your mother owned a small bakery 3 blocks away from your home, while your father worked for an electrician company. both jobs were stable enough to provide for necessities and both your parents enjoyed their occupations.

your parents always told you to never worry about money, but it still made you reluctant to ask them for things you wanted in fear they couldn't afford it. which is why you always tried to fix your problems yourself.

if you ever needed money, you would work for your mother at her bakery in exchange. while it was still your mom giving you the money, it made you feel better that you earned the cash. 

you later found yourself working at the bakery even without needing money. you liked working with your mom, and it was fun to learn how to make different types of sweets. 

at school, you were always a studious person. you worked hard to get a's and never anything below. you wanted to make your parents proud and feel as if their hard work toward the family wasn't for nothing. 

you knew it would be practically impossible for your family to afford your college career without going into debt. so you always looked at scholarships and what they looked for in students, so you tried to make yourself appear well-rounded. 

you joined student council, mathletes (although math wasn't your forte),library club, chess club,art club, film club, yearbook, culinary club, asl club, and a few others over the years. to say your schedule after school was always booked was a major understatement.

although your favorite was always the art club. you never even knew you had an artistic side until you joined. you explored it more with your membership and soon became quite good. 

during your freshman year you took your first art class. you were excited to learn under a professional for the first time. 

after a few lessons, your first major assignment was realism project; draw somebody in your everyday life. 

you were both excited and a bit nervous. you had drawn people before, but never someone you knew, and you wanted to make a great first impression on your teacher. 

you ended up choosing your mother as your muse; your father could never stay still enough to be drawn. it took a lot of long nights when your mother wasn't working to finish your drawing. you could've just taken a photo of her and drawn that, but you pushed for the extra mile of drawing her from real life.

you were satisfied when you finished, and your parents were in awe by your work - telling you over and over how talented you were and your teacher would surely be impressed. still, you were anxious about turning it in the next day in class. 

your assignment was a big hit with your teacher, you got a perfect A+. she commented on your beautiful handiwork, noting that your drew from real life. she also advised how you should consider switching to an advanced class since it was obvious you were already beyond a beginner course. 

you wanted to decline at first, being intimidated by the thought of being in a class with others who were just as good or better than you - but your gut instinct told you it was the right choice to make. 

it proved to be right because by the spring you were already one of the best in your art class. you expanded into all types of art: abstract, realism, expressionism, digital, etc. your favorite and most notable works tended to be the realistic ones of people, place, and objects. art had become a part of your life in the best way. 

you entered a numerous amount of competitions and always come back on top; it got to the paint your shelfs had all been filled to the brim. you parents of course were elated with your success and were never prouder. 

you soon were able to make some money with your art skills as well. you got commissioned for mainly portraits of family and friends, mostly to give as gifts or to have in their household. it made you feel proud someone out there had a piece of your art and that people loved your work enough to want you to paint their family. 

the biggest commission you've ever taken was a 40x30 portrait of an older man. the request was anonymous, so you weren't sure who the man was or if the request was for himself or another person. 

the project took a few weeks due to your work load and having to paint such fine details on a huge canvas. you were happy with the outcome and were astonished to find out the anonymous buyer had given you 10k for your work. it was way over your normal pay grade.

your success didn't end there. in the summer before your sophomore year, you received a fancy envelope in the mail. it was addressed to you and sent from heights country day school. 

at first, you were confused as to why they would send you anything. everyone in texas knew of heights country day, it was one of the best private schools in the state. almost all parents want their kids to be a student there, but the tuition was awfully expensive, so if you weren't rich you were most likely not getting in. 

you didn't wait to tell your parents before your ripped open the envelop in anticipation. you unfolded the letter inside and skimmed over the introductions.

you were shocked to find out you were being awarded a full paid scholarship to attend heights country day school for the rest of highschool. 

your first thought was to assume it was a prank, or a scammer trying to get your info. but you examined the letter further; the seal of the school and the dean signature did look quite authentic. then you noticed the number listed on the bottom of the page. 

you figured you should just call and check for confirmation. you told yourself the worst case scenario would be they laugh at your face and tell you the letter isn't real. 

you definitely did not want to inform your parents until you made the call, that way if it wasn't real, their hopes wouldn't be crushed and they would never even know about it. 

it took an hour of pacing in your room to finally work up the courage to make the call. you kept tour expectations low to avoid disappointment. 

the secretary of the school was quick to pick up after two rings, and you briefly explained the letter you received. you held your breath for a second until she told you to "please hold for a moment." 

when she returned she informed you you were being transferred to the dean's phone. your nerves were through the roof at this point. you wanted to believe it was a good sign the dean wanted to talk to you, but maybe he wanted to tell you himself the letter was unfortunately a phony and they do not give scholarships to art students.

the dean finally picked up the call and you both exchanged greetings. from there he explained how the letter was, in fact, very real.

the school had seen a work of yours and dug deeper into your portfolio and academic career. they were very impressed with your achievement, especially given your age. the board was all unanimous in agreeing to offer you the scholarship because of your artistic talents and would love for you to become a part of their school. 

the rest of the call was a blur to you. when the call ended you stood stunned in your room for a minute. you had to pinch yourself to remind yourself this was real and happening. 

once you snapped out of it, you were jumping up and down in joy. you truly were elated to possibly be a student at one of the top private schools in texas or even the country. 

you wasted no more time informing your parents when they arrived home. they also thought you were just pulling their leg, but after you told them you had confirmation - you swear their jaws hit the floor. 

your parents were just as excited for you. your mother took the liberty of baking all your favorites in celebration, even lemon scones, which were your favorite.

before you knew it, summer was over, and it was time to get back into school. you spent the rest of your break prepping to attend heights - gathering books, supplies, and a uniform (which was mostly paid by the school). 

this was your first time wearing a uniform, and you were a bit delighted to wear it. it was a burgundy blazer with a navy crest embossed, with the school motto in latin, a white dress shirt, and a pleated plaid skirt. 

it screamed, "i go to a really expensive private school."

it was nerve-wracking that you were now going to school with some of the richest and elite children in america. you'd hope it wouldn't be obvious where your social class stood, or if it was, they wouldn't think of you any less for it.

you did your best to stray from stereotypical assumptions, but then again you've never interacted with people of a such higher social class - you really had no idea what to expect. 

nonetheless, you wanted to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, so you held your head up high when the first day came around. 

the school in no way looked like a regular public school, it shared way more similar qualities with college campuses. it was beautifully constructed, and you had a feeling the inside was even more stunning.

your parents dropped you off in front of the twin archways of the school, wishing you a good first day, and they were only a call away if you needed anything. you responded with your goodbyes and now stood on the pavement of heights day.

a part of you was glad your parents left so soon; you loved them to death, but their older modeled car stood out amongst the other deluxe cars parked and driving into school grounds. the last thing you wanted on your first day was to stick out like a sore thumb.

you took a deep breath before you took your strides through the front door.

you were happy to see no one gave you obvious looks and stares when you walked through, like those of a movie. everyone seemed preoccupied with their own things. you were silently thankful for that.

you made your way to the office on your own; luckily it was very near the front entrance with a big sign that said 'office of registrar'. making it very easy for you to find it without having to awkwardly ask another peer.

you walked to a desk of who you assumed was a secretary and gave her your name and stated your business. she instantly recognized your name and made a swift move to hand you your schedule.

the secretary informed you about the school's modular scheduling, which means they operate on a six-day cycle, and classes meet anywhere from three to five times a cycle. you were free to fit in lunch where you saw fit. you honestly didn't quite grasp it, but you figured you'd just learn along the way.

she also let you know another student had been assigned to show you around school. that's how you ended up meeting rebecca laughlin.

rebecca was a shy and a bit nervous girl, but seemed sweet nonetheless. you briefly got to know her as she showed you the different rooms; the archive room, the reflector (basically the cafeteria you realized), gym, the art center etc.

she was in the same grade as you, and had a twin sister named emily also in the school. from the small mention of her sister you sensed it was likely a sore subject. you took over from there talking a bit about yourself and your interests.

rebecca mentioned she was also new this year, having moved to texas just recently with her family but frequently visiting before that. she was able to go on a private tour with her sister over the summer, which is why she knew the place quite well already.

you two chatted a bit more until the tour ended. the last stop was the art center, and you were more than thrilled to go inside and check it out. rebecca was about to enter along with you before she saw her twin sister and people who you assume were her friends , a boy and a girl.

you turned around to glance at them and saw they were waving her over. you could tell rebecca was hesitant to just leave you for them, but you reassured her she provided an excellent tour. she reluctantly went off toward her friends, not before giving you her number and letting you know if you had any questions you could reach her.

you took a peak back at where rebecca and her friends were walking away. they all look straight out of a teen vogue catalog. emily was identical to rebecca, same red hair, eyes, and face. you could tell emily was more confident than rebecca however. there was another girl, dark eyes and even darker brown wavy hair - she was so beautiful it felt unreal. and lastly with them was a boy, he was quite tall, dark-skinned with light honey brown eyes, and a head full of curly hair. he was handsome and easily fit in with the rest of the model-looking girls.

you must've looked a second too long because he turned his head in your direction and you both made eye contact.

you quickly snapped your head away,not waiting for his reaction, and made your way to the arts center. you cursed yourself for being caught looking a bit, and now you were slightly embarrassed.

when you reached the arts center, you were amazed. it was a big building with different rooms, it was decorated as if was a museum, marble floors and pillars, archways, etc. and everything about it was engaging.

you took the time to explore the whole place; you found several different art rooms you assumed were open to students, different supply closest, classrooms for teaching, and even a few soundproof rooms. at some point you ran into a few teachers and got to know them and what they taught. you had a few of them in your schedule, so it was great to know where their classes were.

before you knew it, it was time for your first class and then eventually to your last of the day. for lunch you had opted to eat what you brought from home in the archive because you didn't feel like going through the anxiety of finding somewhere alone to sit in the refectory.

it ended up being ironic because you made a friend in there who was also eating lunch. you were sitting alone at small table when a blonde haired girl with her lunch approached you.

her name was mia, and you both instantly clicked. mia had noticed you eating at the table alone and thought she'd introduce herself since she hadn't since you on campus before. she was also a sophomore, seventeen, and she was part of height country day dance team.

she has almost always eaten in the archive since her freshman year; she enjoyed the quiet and privacy since few students ever ate or hung out there too long - you both had that in common.

after that great first meeting, the two of you became best friends. you would occasionally have a class or two with her depending on the schedule, but you both always made time to see each other throughout the day and eat lunch in the archive room.

she later on introduced you to a few of her other friends, that were now your friends as well. they were all pretty wealthy, but it didn't change the fact they were all genuine and friendly people. the fear of making friends at your new school was gone by the end of your first week.

that's set up the rest of your fantastic first year at heights country day school.

you fit in immediately with the art center and other art peers. you all carried the same passions, and it was very fun to learn from others. of course, you all intimidated to be around people so advanced and mostly rich, but it only pushed you to work even harder.

your teachers were all so great. they were also tough critiques, being professionals and all, but you took any critique you got with stride- making you a better artist.

your non-art-related classes were more difficult and work-loaded than you were use to, but you were quick to catch up with the rest of the class.

a few kids at school were stuck up and pretentious, but mostly the students weren't too far off from normal teenagers. and like high school there were cliques and popular people. you never bothered yourself with any of that, yet you always heard three reoccurring last names - hawthorne, laughlin, and calligaris.

you knew laughlin meant rebecca and emily, and it didn't take you long to figure out the other last names must belong to the other two people she was with during your first day. it made sense to you they were well-known, just their looks alone made you feel like they're superior to you.

you could've asked mia or literally paid attention to gossip around you if you wanted to know the first names of the boy & girl with the laughlins, but it honestly slipped your mind. frankly, you were too occupied with navigating your new school life to really care too much about it.

the most shocking event to happen that year was the dead of emily laughlin.

you weren't close friends with rebecca - you two did have a few chats and texts here and there; she once or twice joined mia and you in the archive. but you still felt horrible her sister died and felt the need to reach out.

you gave her your condolences when you saw her back at school, and let her know you were there for anything. she thanked you, but you could tell she needed space to grieve.

you still felt the need to do something, so you came up with the idea to make her a portrait and gifted it to her wrapped. you didn't see her reaction to it (she opened it when she got home), but she let you know she deeply appreciated it.

after that the rest of your year was quick to come and go. and before you knew it, it was summer again.

your summer stayed uneventful, but fun. you worked almost full-time with your mom in her bakery and spent time with your friends.

one afternoon, you were working the counter and you saw a familiar face walk in - a certain handsome, honey-eyed, curly-haired guy.

you greeted him as you normally did customers and asked for his order. he replied, asking for blueberry scones.

you nodded and went to get the scones from your display. that's when he spoke up again, commenting on how he'd seen you from school.

you were taken aback he’d remembered you but you nodded agreeing and replied you were new sophomore year.

"what happens to be your name, baker girl?"

"y/n. and what happens to be yours, new customer?"

he gave a dramatic offended look, hand over his heart - "you mean your telling me you don't know the name of the most dashing man at heights country day school?"

you shrugged, "i suppose not."

"when then i ought to fix that, the name is xander, milady," bowing down to give a kiss on the dorsal side of your hand.

oh he was charming alright. 

to hide your blushing face you busied yourself with packing his scones into a paper bag and rang him up to the register. 

"very serious question...how do you feel about blueberry scones?"

"they're good, but i think the lemon ones are better." 

you've never seen someone look so taken aback as xander did in that moment. he looked as if he'd just got the news his favorite boy band broke up. 

"are you alright-"

"what do you mean you prefer the lemon ones!"

xander then went into a tagent on blueberry scones stomp the lemon ones any day, and only psychos favored the lemons. you countered his claims, defending your favorite treat. you both were going back and forth until a bell rang throughout the bakery, signaling a customer has entered. 

"i suppose that's my sign to take my leave, but trust this debate is not over."

you rolled your eyes playfully, but you fought back a smile at the implication you two would speak again. 

he handed his black card to pay, and you tried not to look astonished at his casual display of the card. as you were swiping his card, he pulled a scone out of his brown bag and laid it on the counter in front of you. 

"here, it's my treat. this is the start of my fool-proof plan to convince you blueberry scones are far more superior." 

you tried to decline or offer him a refund for that scone, but ever the gentleman, he wouldn't allow it. he was out the door before you could protest anymore. leaving with a, "until we meet again," and a wink. 

you hated yourself for liking his annoying handsome beautiful smirk. 

as he requested, you did eat the scone. you admit blueberry is delicious, but nothing compared to the citrus of your lemon ones. plus, you found a new motivation to keep favoring them. 

that was the first of xander's many visits to the bakery that summer. always the same order, and always leaving one for you to eat. he really was on a mission to change your mind. 

sometimes out of spite you'd slip in a lemon scone into his bag to rile him up when he opened it. it always resulted in xander coming back the next day throwing a dramatic hissy fit. you kinda found it cute. 

you two continued your light banter about scones, but ventured into different topics such as school, hobbies, and exploding robots (his favorite topic). even as you worked behind the counter aiding customers, he was there talking your ear off. not that you minded at all, it was nice to have someone other than your mom to talk to. 

you found out xander was very smart; he builds replicas of star wars droids and was a three-time world champion at building machines. you'd never known someone with such intellect. whenever you brought it up, however, he'd brush it off saying it's a family thing and his brothers are much wiser. 

you briefly got a synopsis of his family, and it was quite intriguing. he had four half-brother; nash, grayson, and jameson - all sharing the same mother, but none of the boys' fathers seemed to be in the picture. all of them were basically raised by their grandfather, tobias hawthorne, who was obsessed with riddles and games. he sounded like an interesting man to say the least. 

you opened up to him a bit about your family and getting a scholarship into the school. which now looked not as impressive talking to a genius yet, xander was amazed at this, asking to see some of your work. 

you were suddenly self-conscious about your art. you thought a rich guy like himself probably had seen hundreds of artworks better than yours and done by people younger than your age. 

so, you lied and said you didn't have any pictures, and that you'll show him another time. you're gonna stall that as much as possible.

you guys later exchanged numbers, now being able to communicate outside your bakery hours during the week.

xander favorite thing was to spam you with pictures of himself eating blueberry scones, and you swore you were gonna block him everytime.

summer went by in a flash, and the school went back into session; you were entering your junior year. 

xander and you continued to hang out all the time, even more than you did with your own friends. he was always the one to find you around school, no matter the schedule you had that day.

he loved to sneak up on you and jump scare you, making your heart leap out your chest everytime. you would hit his arm in retaliation everytime and swore you were gonna unfriend him if he didn’t stop. you never actually did though.

xander made sure to pull you out your comfort zone. he sometimes dragged you (sometimes physically) to the refectory to go and eat with him. occasionally, his friends would join as well. rebecca was easy to talk to since you already knew her, and thea was…. complicated, but she had her good parts once she warmed up to you. 

you then demanded xander eat lunch with you and mia to compensate for eating at the refectory every now and then.

he obliged, but you told him it was better if he didn’t after he got kicked out the archive for talking loudly. he swore the archive keeper had it out for him.

he continued the ritual of giving you a blueberry muffin made by the chefs of his home. sometimes you'd bring your own lemon scone and give it to him, negotiating that you'll eat your scone if he eats his.

he'd always agree, but eat it begrudgingly. you swore he was warming up to the scone.

you two took your hangouts to after school. if you worked, it'd be at the bakery and if not, you'd go to the park and just walk.

you invited him over to your house one day after school, xander excitedly accepted. you were a bit nervous he'd think poorly of your home since you were sure he lived in a glorious mansion.

you introduced him to both of your parents, and they greeted him kindly, but your mom embarrassingly asked if he was your boyfriend.

you were quick to make a joke to cover your pink cheeks, "mom, we'd never work out we have complete different tastes in scones."

xander cut in, "well, you know what they say, opposites do attract."

was he flirting with you, or were you reading into it? and why did you like it.

xander ended up really enjoying your house; he even once said he found it more peaceful than his own. so, you guys now frequently hung out at your house after school to talk, banter, study, and or even help each other with projects.

even though you tried to avoid it, xander ending up seeing your art.

it was unintentional; you were seated at a table in an art space working on a sketch, of whatever came to mind, with your earphones in. you didn't hear xander walk in and call your name.

you noticed his presence when he swiped your drawing book. you quickly took out your earphones and tried to reach for it back, but he'd already seen your drawing. and to make matters worse it was a sketch of him.

you were mortified, but he just looked at it in admiration.

he asked if you made it, and you shyly said you had.

"can't believe you were trying to hide your talent from me. now, as an apology ur going to let me keep this."

you immediately said no, and went to take it out of his hand. but xander was quicker and took the page from the journal and held it above his head, out of reach.

after a lot of jumping to reach it, which was required because he's very tall, you gave up and let him have it. xander was pleased with that, and has carried it everywhere in his wallet since then.

he now always pestered you about your art, wanting to see it or wanting you to make a piece for him. you had to admit, you found it flattering.

to make it fair, you wanted to see him in action working on something. he was delighted to show you his robots, and some of his process making them.

you were amazed at his talent, but he could be careless at times.

for instance, you two were in the lab room and you were watching him working on a new formula to fuel his robots. he turned on bunsen burner and before you knew it, it exploded.

he ended up with a missing eyebrow, and you were laughing hysterically. you still have pictures of him without it much to xander's dismay.

you knew you'd grown a crush on the charismatic guy, but you were too scared to admit it.

you weren't sure if he felt the same way, and a part of you felt silly for even thinking he would.

you confided in mia about it, and she was convinced xander was head over heels for you. but you still weren't quite sure, and you didn't want to damage a really good friendship.

in middle of october, xander's grandfather, tobias hawthorne passed away.

he wasn't at school that day, but you assumed he was out sick or doing something important. it wasn't until you heard the news from peers talking about it did you put it together.

you immediately sent him a text sending your condolences and asked if he needed anything.

you didn't hear from him for the rest of the week, which worried you - but you knew, like rebecca, people tend to want their space when loved ones pass.

it was a friday night, you were studying for an upcoming test in your world history class on monday, when you hear a sound from your window.

you ignored it at first thinking it was a wondering animal or just trees against each other. but then you heard it repeatedly, and you realized it was sounding more like a tap against the glass.

you carefully slid your curtains from the window and took a peak outside. you then came face to face with the boy you hadn't seen all week.

it took you a moment to register it was him, you yelped at the first sight of someone outside. but then he started motioning for you to open the window and then you noticed it was xander hawthorne.

you unlatched the lock on your window and slide it open enough he could fit through. but it didn't stop him from tripping on your window still and falling onto the ground with a 'thud'.

"shh! my parents might've heard that!"

"wow, instead of helping a poor fallen man up, you scold him. what ever happened to warm hospitality?"

you ignored him and held your hand out to help him up. once he was stood up, you waited for him to explain why he was here.

he went on to say he didn't have a specific reason, he just needed to get out of his mansion home. "the first place i thought of to go was here, with you."

you swore your heart leaped when he said that. you were praying to whoever was listening that your face wasn't a tomato. how do you even respond to such a heartfelt statement?

luckily, you didn't need to respond to that because he was quick to follow up his words.

"actually, you seem to be the first person i think about every day. no matter what i'm doing, I'll start to think of what'd you be saying if you were there. anytime i see the sunset, my thought shifts to what it look like if you painted it. hell, i've even found myself eating, yes eating, lemons scones because they bring me reminiscence of you."

xander crept closer as his words flowed out. and you were frozen to your spot. heart pounding louder as he took another step closer to you - leaving less than a foot of space between the two of you.

unsure of how to react you said the first thing that came to mind.

"well, uh, maybe you should think about inflation that usually keeps my mind busy." idiot. why do you open your big mouth.

xander gives you a grin, obviously amused at your nervous rambling like the little jerk he is. he was so close to you, you were embarrassed at the possibility he could he your heart pounding.

he moves his right hand to the side of your face, brushing his thumb over your cheek - eyes never leaving yours. you didn't have the strength to look away or even move, as if he was a vampire who compelled you to stay still.

"i've never known someone to get red so easily as you."

you then realized how much of your face was burning, and then after that statement it heated up even further. stupid nervous system.

"i didn't think your face could get a deeper scarlet than it was a moment ago," he laughs, "it's quite adorable honestly."

oh, god. this guy had your heart fluttering at after calling you adorable.

"i wonder how red you'll get when i kiss you."

you did not have a moment to process what xander utter because at the next second his collided his lips upon yours.

nothing prepared you for how exhilarating kissing him felt. your knees gave out a little, and xander was quick to keep you steady. you weren't even ashamed, stuck in a trance by the kiss. it was as if a scene from a jane austen novel had come to life.

boy, was he a good kisser. it was unfair really, how perfect he could he at anything he wants.

when the two of you pulled away, he was the first to speak up.

"you're about as red as crayon right now."

that was enough to bring you back to reality and shove him.

immediately after that night, the two of you began dating.

at first you thought it was unsaid that the both of you were now dating, but you should've known better than to believe xander hawthorne would take the subtle way.

the following monday you were in the refectory waiting on xander, who'd ask you to meet him there. however, you hadn't seen him yet, so you just sat down at an open table.

suddenly, you hear some sort of a mechanical noises coming from behind you. you turned you heard toward it and nothing could have prepared you to see a life sized R2-D2 robot gliding straight towards you - holding flowers in its utility arm.

what the hell was in your breakfast that morning?

when it made it way in front of you, you were completely stunned. you could feel the gazes of people in the room also witnessing this. the robot look scarily realistic to the ones in the star wars movies, xander really was a genius.

the robot extended another arm to reveal a small envelope. you took it in your own hand, along with the flowers.

WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND?

a. yes

b. a

c. kiss me

you rolled your eyes at his antics, maybe genius was an overstatement. then you noticed some scribble at the bottom.

p.s. NUTR NUAORD

at first sight of the words - you thought you were having a stroke, but then you figured out you had to unscrambled it to reveal the words 'TURN AROUND'.

of course, xander was always one for puzzles.

you follow the directions of the note and saw the man himself standing before you with a basket full of both lemon and blueberry scones.

"a tough choice, i know. personally, option c is the most appealing."

you wanted to smack the smugness of out him, but instead you opted to answer with letter c.

dating xander was chaotic to say the least, but you wouldn't have it any other way.

you two were never allowed to go on ordinary dates, xander always made sure they were memorable.

for your first date he took you to an escape room, but reserved the whole thing just for the two of you. xander was obviously a pro at the game, but you were quick to figure things out as well. the two of you got the quickest escape time.

at the end of it, he gifted you gold chained necklace with an 'x' and a golden key. you wore it all the time after.

another time you were taken to a amusement park, also reserved for the two of you. you clung on to xander on the scariest rides, much to his enjoyment. it wasn't until the end you saw how there had been pictures taken of you both while on the rides - your expression being fear on almost all of them while your arm was tight grabbing xander's. of course his face was just his charming giant grin of excitement.

he made sure to keep them all and put it as had lock screen despite how much you told him not to.

xander was now way more lenient about the lemon scone thing, and you can proudly say he even enjoys them now. nonetheless, the tradition at lunch is still on-going.

the most nerve wracking part of your relationship was meeting his family.

you learned just how rich xander and his family are. you knew he came from a lot of money, but you were never informed he was related to a billionaire. you couldn't comprehend how having that much money was possible, but xander, of course, acted nonchalant about the whole thing. rich people.

his brothers were all pleasant to meet. nash was the nicest, similar to his brother, he was a charmer with a country accent. grayson was more closed off, and didn't say a lot, but greeted you nicely. jameson, was a wild card, he was a bit drunk, but everyone collectively chose to remain obvious to it. he was also very flirty with you, but you knew it was mainly to annoy xander.

apparently it worked because the following day jameson was found with green hair.

you were introduced to his aunt and mother. his aunt was also pleasant, keeping greeting formal. his mother was.... interesting... the interaction was small, but based on some remarks and backhanded compliments; she looked down on your lower status. xander was quick to defend you and apologize after.

you later were asked to open the front door with a jumble of keys that all looked the same. you assumed this was suppose to be a test of some sort, but you weren't a mastermind at puzzles games like the other hawthornes.

instead, you found a big rock near the front entrance and smashed it against the door locks until they broke.

the brothers looked all bewildered at your action. xander was the first to burst out laughing, come around you to wrap and arm on your shoulder and kiss your forehead.

"that's my girl. who needs logic when you have big rocks."

xander was your biggest supporter in everything. he loved every piece of art you made, and never let you scrap or throw any of it anyway. anything you ever drew or painted him, he would keep it framed and hung in a section of his room dedicated to your work.

he shows up to every art show you have, bragging to people around how his amazing girlfriend painted the work. you always blush in embarrassment, but it never failed to make you happy.

you showed the same support for his activities as well. you cheered him on at my robotic competitions and you were his assistant in helping with small tasks during his building and experiments.

xander made robots were mainly made for doing simple things in overly complicated ways. he also occasionally gifted you robots for small annoying tasks you would offhandedly mention to him.

for instance, xander was walking you to your next class, carrying your backpack as he always insisted it was his job to do. you joked about how you wished he was always around to carry your stuff so your arms wouldn't be so tired.

a few weeks later he gave you a small robot designed to carrying items such as a backup and books. he even gave it wheels so it could follow you around the school like a puppy.

with xanders extroverted personality, it shouldn't surprised you he is not opposed to any PDA. which thea always gags to in the background if she's there to witness it.

he always has his arm around you, preferably your waist, or interlocks your hands together. he loves to gives you random kisses on the forehead or cheek. xander's favorite thing is to surprise you with a kiss on the lips in public, just so he can see you blush.

your first time with xander was very romantic and he made sure it would be. there were candles all over his bedroom and rose petals scattered on the ground. 

although xander was known for being a bit cocky, he was just as nervous as you that night, wanting to make everything special just for you. 

once he made sure you were comfortable - it was like a switch flipped - his cocky persona was back ten fold. 

let’s just say the next day you couldn’t feel your legs, nor could you hide the multiple purple marks left on you. 

of course, ever the gentlemen he was - he made you breakfast in bed the next morning. 

you were even more shocked to find out that was his first time. why is he miraculously good at everything?  

you hung out a lot more at the hawthorne mansion, xander showed you different passages around it. the house was so huge it felt like you've only ever seen 50% of it.

you grew closer to the other hawthorne brothers, taking part in family game night. you after a game of their version of chutes and ladders, you were quick to turn down some offers to play a game.

you also became good friends with avery grambs, you had first met her at the will reading, xander inviting you for moral support. you related to how out of place her and her sister felt around highly rich people.

the events of the will were shocking, but you were happy to find out she'd be sticking around. her moving into the mansion made it easier to hang out with her. you helped her adjust to heights country day and became close.

you and xander both helped avery with what you could in solving the clues his grandather left behind for avery and the hawthornes. although, you kept quiet about the fact xander knew a lot more than he was telling.

however, xander was reluctant to let you join them on anymore research after almost getting shot at when you went along with avery and jameson.

you’d never seen him so mad at his brother, cursing him up and down for putting you in that situation.

xander was insistent for you to stay behind from then on, but you relented and kept tagging along with the others on their little scavenger hunts. xander realized he couldn’t stop you, so he forbid you from going on any clue hunts without him by your side.

it was cute how protective he was, but a little annoying too.

one day you were walking around the mansion with xander looking for jameson, who had wondered off to who knew where. you came across an unfamiliar office. you had asked xander who it belonged to and he informed you it was his grandfathers, now technically avery's.

the two of you entered the office space, you figured xander was curious if anything had changed since his grandfather's passing or if he had maybe left another clue behind.

you were looking around until you eyes came across something behind his desk - a large portrait of who you assumed was tobias hawthorne. upon further inspection, you came to realize another thing.

you painted this portrait.

"holy shit."

even beyond the grave tobias hawthorne keeps on spurring surprises.

[lefetellc]

Eerie Dating other Eris-Sonas

I got bored so I did a bit of digging through the sona pile and picked up a few interesting ones. It feels like everyone was reblogging eachothers' sonas, so it was kinda hard figuring out everyone's lore lol (This isn’t canon for any of the other Eris-sonas nor for Eerie, this was just flr fun lol)

Without further ado, let the Eris games begin!!!

.

.

First off is Yuka by @justeyuko (kind of short bc all I know about her is from her profile on the big Eris-sona drawing)

Yuka seems to be very energetic, just the kind of traits Eerie would like in a person (He also liked her style too)

He'd approach first: the tattoo shop would seemingly cease around their conversation

He'd compliment her clothes and ask her where she got them (This is happening in Eerie's senior year of high school where he's just about to leave, but wants to look around town b4 then)

Eerie would flirt with her occasionally, but it's more of on and on talks (It would thin out more once he leaves for the military)

If anything, they'd be more like batting buddies or shopping buddies

Eerie is after all, a rich kid

Their relationship would be more like a joke "Wanna date? Sure" They'd hit it off in the first two or three dates, but after awhile Eerie would lose interest and ask to breakup

The only thing he had going for Yuka was her clothes :/

Knowing how Yuka would probably get angry, Eerie settled for a friendship over losing connection entirely. It wouldn't be a big, intimate relationship but it'd be alright

It was probably better they stayed as just friends (platonic)

Now, second is Contrectatio by @loah-blublub

Eerie was originally a bully of Contrectatio

Eerie couldn't give two shits about some loser who only looked pretty when doused in yellow toilet water

But something about how Contrectatio would stare deathly into Eerie's body made him excited

Eerie was curious why Contrectatio was so angry (Eerie has no empathy) and if the boy actually fight him

Eerie would approach first (he's very forward in his early years; this is probably freshmen or sophmore year)

Eerie would give Contrectatio a normal ":3" face, telling him how much he 'sympathizes' for Contrectatio and want the best for him

Eerie knew something like petty words wouldn't sway the other boy, so he decided to treat Contrectatio out for some normal 'dates'. Eerie didn't label them as dates, but he heavily implied it.

He would give lovey dovey romantic suggestions to Contrectatio, knowing how much it confused the boy

Before Contrectatio could fully understand his feelings, Eerie would cut all contact and begin bullying him again

This time it was harder, meant to incite something out of Contrectatio

Eerie felt even more elated when he began to notice how aggitated and confused Contrectatio was; battling with their earlier romance and his present anger

Eerie wouldn't officialy date Contrectatio. The dating plan was only for Eerie to get close and then rip it all away so Contrectatio would lash out

Eerie didn't care if Contrectatio actually did begin to understand his developing feelings; Eerie only cared about the end results

I'm not sure if Contrectatio would actually lash out, but here's two reactions if/if not

If Contrectatio actually did lash out, Eerie would happily beat him up more. Leaving him with a nasty scar on his left cheek, some strangle marks, and a hot round of punches to the ribs

If Contrectatio didn't lash out, Eerie would slowly get irritated and tell his other bully-friends to kick Contrectatio out of their group and start bullying him again

That's all! I had some other sonas i saw like Soo , Ryan (the OG ex), #### (he didnt have a name I think, and he was the one left of Contrectatio) and Rina, but I'm tired after thinking so hard all day lol

[puuuders]

Aaaaah q&a stuff

1. What's your favorite TerzOmega dynamic? (ofthemorningstars)

I love ressurected Terzo, so definitely the relationship after that. I have an entire story in my pea sized brain for that. I imagine copia ressurects all of his brothers after sister imperator dies. Omega loses his mind for a little bit and avoids terzo, but then he gives it a chance and becomes ultra possessive, protective and paranoid. They end up moving out and living together and live happily ever after :3 

2. Do you prefer writing or making art? (Ofthemorningstars) 

I guess it depends. My art is very basic, I do not put a lot of time into my art. I do put a lot of time into writing, but I am not a great writer. I love both, but for big projects I prefer to write, and smaller I prefer to draw. 

3. How does it feel to find love on tumblr? (Ofthemorningstars) 

Couldn't ask for anything better

4. What has been making you distracted? 🤨 (evereverest2) 

mmmmmh see photo above babygirl (you)

5. What inspires you most to create? (evereverest2) 

 You probably noticed that 90% of my drawings are based on other people's work. I really like making fanart, as I am actually not a creative person. So definitely other people's amazing projects inspires me the most :3 

6. What is your favorite thing to draw? (Evereverest2) 

Semi-realistic portraits. I don't share those much bc idk if you would like that kind of stuff but here's some from my ghost shrine:

7. Do you have any plans for Pursuit of Something Better? How long will it be, etc. (Evereverest2) 

I have lots of plans for it. Im not sure how long it will be, but I know it will end abruptly. Also there will be a very big terzomega theme to it teehee I can't resist writing about my pookie bears. It will be mostly angst, maybe some smut but I don't know for sure yet. I know y'all hornballs would like that huh? (Me too) 

8. What got you into ghost? (Sp1ll3d1nk) 

Back in my youth (when I was in 9th grade like 2020), I was a brainrot ifunny user. I abandoned ifunny bc it got too political lol. But I was scrolling on ifunny and I came across a video and it had year zero playing in the background. I liked it so I checked the comments and someone said “is that a mother fucking ghost reference?” So I looked it up. This may hurt some of yalls feelings… but I thought ghost sucked at first bc I listened to a song that I shant name to avoid offending y'all lmao. I just didn't like it so I abandoned it. Then, I came across Square Hammer a few months later. Boner alert. Addiction started. So I got into ghost bc of ifunny lmao

9. Idk why but you seem like you were a band kid is that true? (Sp1ll3d1nk) 

LMAO that's a great headcanon. I really wanted to be in band because I really like playing piano, and my school had a few pianos. But for some reason students weren't able to play them in band, and like all of the other instruments were wind instruments and I didn't wanna play a wind instrument

10. What other things do you do besides art? (Anon 1) 

Other than rotting in my room drawing a gay couple, I really like physical activities. I regularly go to playgrounds and trampoline parks lol. I also love rollerskating and fishing

11. Are you and everest actually a couple- I REALLY CAN'T TELL I'M SORRY (anon 2) 

I think this person is anonymous bc they're jealous /j

No, we aren't actually dating... Yet. Teehee

12. What other music do you like besides Ghost (anon 3) 

Ahh I don't mean to sound like a poser /j, but Ghost is really the only metal band I like. I really like Red Hot Chili Peppers, Electric Light Orchestra (ELO), The Beatles, Queen, Elton John, mostly rock. I suppose Ghost does fall into the rock category too. A pretty obscure band I recently talked about with someone is Steam Powered Giraffe, they are very interesting individuals. 

Anyways that's all thank you pookies mwah time to work on Wounded

[forffax]

returning the favor with oc asks since i always wanna hear about yours !! if you had to pick like your top 5 favorite characters who would they be and why 👀 bonus if you want to pick your favorite like settings/worlds/universes youve made for ocs too!

OOOUH thank u chase!!!

I'm gonna list out my favs then talk abt my main oc universe a bit ^_^

This got ridiculously long so it's going under a readmore <3

1. Tos Family (sorry this is going to be. the whole family bc I cannot possibly choose between them)

i. Lux Tos (he/him)

(realizing now i haven't drawn him in a hot fuckin minute)

MY DAD. guy of all time ever. everyone's favorite half-human time traveling alien war vet. it always feels weird referring 2 him as part alien even if it's technically true sdjfgs. fun lore fact: he was the Dead Older Brother in original iteration Zephyr's Sad Backstory but I liked him too much so I decided he got to live <3

Lux is one of my older ocs that I still actively draw and think abt (late middle school...) and he's changed a LOT over the years but he's so so so dear to me. my guy who has Seen the Horrors and is now happily gay married with a kid :') sdfkjsk most things abt his story is just me being So Incredibly Self Indulgent (cool powers, complicated sibling relationships, gay) but it makes me happy and I love sharing it with ppl! Someday Voided 2 will be real and ready to share with the world...

ii. Ferdinand Tos (he/him)

Dad....2!!!!!! I don't remember when exactly I thought him up but it was probably around when Lux's backstory was getting a major overhaul... He's a man out of time he's training to be a doctor and his will to live is so strong he spent the better part of nearly two decades building himself a new body! Guys who died but got better <3. I think I literally got brain blasted one day and decided he's a non-op trans man and it was the best thing ever for him actually. He's a southern californian stuck in the cold northwest (probably. either that or the northeast im not settled on that aspect yet skdjfs). He's been super fun to write from a worldbuilding perspective too bc his main goal is to pioneer a new branch of medicine using his powers! His relationship with Lux and the rest of the family (and his reconciliation with his sister) is sooooo important 2 me :]

iii. Athanasius Tos (she/her)

THANAAAAA most normal sibling (lie). She was adopted formally right after Lux "died" and had a bit of a complex about just being a "replacement" for a good while, and she THOUGHT she had worked through that when Lux suddenly re-appeared... they're on great terms now but it was Tense. She's a biochemist and probably makes the most out of the household (she shares an apartment with Zeph!) It's very important 2 me that she can let herself be vulnerable with her family and close friends after years of bottling everything up... Epic nerdy autistic butches in your area <3 Fun fact she is the only full human of the main cast!

iv. Zephyr Tos (she/him)

My fuckign auncle. Within the story she only recently realized he was bigender and is much happier for it, even if you couldn't tell by her permanent scowl skjdfgs. Zeph was the original protag (along with Thana) of the short story I wrote in middle school that turned into Voided 2! In-universe he was very clearly supposed to be the protag but missed/ignored the "call to action" phase and just got a shitton of Issues and Traumas instead <3 She's so everything 2 me he's a freelance writer/artist she's kinda cringe and he is trying only as hard as she absolutely needs to in order to get by. While his relationship with Lux is MUCH better than it was when Lux first came back, she's completely inseparable from Thana and would do anything for her (I feel like they spent equal times protecting each other from bullies as kids...) He's changed so much from her original incarnation but developing him has been SO much fun <3 Since Voided 2 runs on real-world time (in that I have specific real-world dates for most major events) she turned 50 fairly recently and that's fucked but also funny. old.

v. Alan Tos (any)

Alan! Love this kiddo. He's Lux and Ferdinand's adoptive kid! Xe doesn't learn about it for a while but she was a government secret experiment test-tube baby (they were trying to artificially fuse souls together, distantly related to the later Child Soldier School ze was placed into) (kid cannot catch a break). He's a good kid, if not a little clueless and naive... someone who would hold no ill-will if you had to cut their leg off (this is not a hypothetical GJSKDS). Somehow, despite all this, she is by far the most Normal out of xer family <3 His fashion sense is some kind of spectrum between 60s businesswoman and scene and tbh? Very fun to draw! Her friends and family are very very dear to them and at the moment xe's just kind of letting life take zem wherever.

2. Vague (it/they)

unauthorized fucking thing kill it with hammers NOW!!!!!

Vague started as I think just a proxy for myself in vent art I drew in like early high school sdhjfgds they have since become. something. my mascot I guess? (I still end up using it for vent art sometimes bc it's functionally unkillable and it's fun 2 get narsty sometimes.)

originally it was just the weird cat-shaped angel thing but a couple years ago I gave them a human design that I really love too <3 vague technically has a place in Niko and my other cat furry ocs' story but their human form exists in the real world and is just Like That i think. vague is just a little guy okay? they're sorry about crying and bleeding all over the place (not bc it sees any issue with this they just noticed you looked upsetskjdfhs)

3. Niko (he/they)

Baby's first fursona! Niko was always mostly his own character but now that I have new This is Just Me sona(s), they've been officially retired from that front <3 Niko's story is mostly planned out, I just desperately need to write it somewhere skjdbfs but the gist is that Niko works a shitty minimum wage call center job and finds meaning and love through forming a band with people he happens to meet... also there's some whistleblowing and betrayal and vague slams down out of the sky at some point <3 Niko's band doesn't have a name but they're the lead vocalist! (Niko 🤝 Blue (is blue and sings in their band)) This is a universe where everyone is cat furries simply bc I wanted to design lots of cat furries but also I haven't drawn like half of his bandmates/friends.... orz

Fun fact I found my original doodles of him in an old math notebook and apparently I seriously considered the name "chandler" for them. Help,

4. Larkspur (they/them)

Laaark my friend lark :] they're my player character for a friend's tabletop campaign! *hands you a bug* *hands you a bug* *hands-

Their design was super fun to come up with and they're fun to play as :] They were raised on a farm and have a deep love for animals (insects in particular), but they have a hard time connecting with others and understanding why people act the way they do.. They wear an eyepatch to cover their multiple other eyes bc it gives them bad sensory overload to see with them! They also spent quite a bit of time as a bounty hunter before they were blacklisted from further work bc they let a target escape on purpose... Lark is a ranger/bard and they play the hurdy-gurdy! They're dear to me and I really need to draw them more sjdfhgs

5. Chungy Fresh (she/he/they)

Chungy my belungy.... she's a mimic who spent most of his life being a chest in the temple of a forgotten goddess until they gained sentience and saw a fursuit from far away and decided yep! I'm gonna look like that Now <3 She didn't get all the details right but he's never been happier! I think Chungy spawned from me drawing a weird fox thing and simultaneously thinking "hey wouldn't it be funny if a character had a verbal text/forum signature and it was also their name" skdjfgjskdfls. Chungy is def up there with "most fun ocs of mine to draw" bc she's so Noodly and Malleable... I started playing as him in a friend group's tabletop oneshot thingy (where multiple ppl write different unrelated oneshots but we use the same characters for each session) and it has been a lot of fun!

OKAY OC UNIVERSE TIME. I call my main oc story "Voided 2" bc it takes place in the same universe as my v personal self insert oc story "Voided" that I have been working on/writing/thinking abt since late middle school... It's kinda vaguely modern fantasy/sci-fi? Main things are that there are beings born at the beginning of the universe made of pure energy called Lunoirs. There are countless universes, and each universe has Lunoirs in some capacity. They mainly exist to "keep the balance," but if you ask any specific Lunoir what that means you'll get a million different answers. Mainly they gravitate towards any life within their universe and integrate with them, observing them and protecting them from Shadows and Vacares. Shadows are the unliving souls that will eventually be reborn and reformed into a living soul inside any given universe-- they exist in the space between universes, called the Void. the Void looks different to any being that crosses into it, and it's hard to say what its "true" nature is. Vacares are Lunoirs that have had their souls corrupted and eaten, usually by other Vacares. While Shadows, being amalgamations of soul energy, are strictly neutral, Vacares seek to cause chaos and eat more Lunoir souls, increasing their numbers in a vain attempt to satisfy their endless hunger.

The Lunoir population on Earth is fairly numerous, and since Lunoirs can take on whatever form they choose, many of them live and love and have children with humans, making partial-lunoir children (physically they are nearly indistinguishable from full humans, save for longer lifespans, odd hair and eye colors, and sharper teeth. also they have semi-physical wings, but these have to be manually brought out and often ppl don't even know they have them (*cough* zephyr *cough*)

Lunoirs aren't fully immortal, but they have a different life cycle to most other forms of life. When a non-lunoir dies, their soul disintegrates and is amalgamated with the souls of others in the Void to become Shadows. When a Lunoir dies (outside of having their soul completely corrupted/destroyed), they instead go into a sort of stasis and are reborn later; they have no memories of their previous life (the ones on Earth don't, at least) and they can take on wildly different appearances.

Lunoirs and partial Lunoirs have powers in the form of energy manipulation, particularly when it comes to the energy of their own souls... They can use their souls to form weapons, mainly to fight against Vacares that tend to be immune to physical weapons. Most people have one weapon that they specialize in, but in a pinch nearly everyone can form a knife. Humans can manipulate their own soul energy in this way too, but this ability must be taught/"unlocked" by a Lunoir or a partial Lunoir first (Zephyr, at some point, did this for Thana without either of them realizing it). Lunoirs can also manipulate the energy of the very universe to create Rifts in time and space, sometimes leading between separate universes... These rifts also open of their own accord from time to time, and there's a good number of people who have been displaced from their time or even their universe by unwittingly falling into one.

Every living being has a "soul" (a collection of their life energy), and through a kind of "reaching out," one can feel/taste/smell/hear/see another's soul... every soul is a bit different, so this is an easy way to identify people even from a distance!

The Earth Lunoirs once had a country where they congregated called Saluria, which was the site of a brutal multi-year war against an army of Vacares that wanted reign over Earth... Many Lunoirs and partial Lunoirs across all of Earth's history felt drawn to Saluria, often willingly or unwillingly being rifted to the time of the war to go fight in it... Some partial Lunoirs especially believed it was their sacred duty, while others believed it was a curse leading them to inevitable death... there's even whispers that Saluria itself is alive, luring in young partial and full Lunoirs out of self-preservation.. who's to say. Ultimately, the Salurian War was a victory, but not an easy one.

Lux and Zephyr are half Lunoirs (their mom being full), and Ferdinand is 3/4ths Lunoir! Alan is a bit of a weird case but functionally he's also half Lunoir :]

This is v much simplifying Years of worldbuilding ssjhdfgjks and I can FEEL I missed a bunch of stuff but it's all very very dear 2 me :]

[lucycore]

Hi!! I was wondering if I could get a IT 2017 ship. Thanks in advance!

Ok, so I'm a girl. I use she / her pronouns, and I'm bisexual.

Physically, I have long dirty blonde hair, hazel / green eyes, and I have pale skin with freckles. I also have glasses. I'm also around 5'6 ft. And I dress pretty normal ig. I usually wear band t shirts or tie die with bell bottom jeans or cargo pants and grey sneakers.

Personality wise im an ambivert. I'm quite shy around new people but very loud and open with my close friends. Speaking of friends I'm not very social since I have HUGE social anxiety but I do have alot of friends and get along with almost everyone. But I'm not very popular at school. And again speaking of school I get straight A's and im pretty goody two shoes in that area. + I've never gotten introubled but I often hide things from my parents and friends. I do get overwhelmed socially easily though and spend alot of time alone. Idk what else to add there hopefully that's enough

More facts about me / hobbies I have is that I really like music. I can play the piano and ukulele, but I more so enjoy others' music. Some of my favorite bands include The Beatles, Guns n Roses, Nirvana, Led Zeppelin, etc. I also love movies. My favorite types of movies are horror, comedy, and coming of age films. Some of my favorites include Stand By Me, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Napoleon Dynamite. Also, according to my friends, I have a dark / crude sense of humor. Some hobbies I also have are playing the piano/ukulele, writing, reading, drawing, and sculpting. My favorite places to hang out with my friends are the woods, the arcade, my house, and the mall. I also only have 3 very very close friends. And lastly when I grow up I want to be a lawyer or a paralegal.

Hope that's enjoy I couldn't think of anything else. Thanks again! Take your time :]

Okay so I was thinking between Bev and Stan and I'm gonna give u Bev.

I think she matches u more than Stan bc Stan seems too shy and not really outgoing and Bev definitely more.

Look wise I really wanna point out that ur pale skin with freckles matches her ginger hair and also the hazel eyes which are greenish (I have them too btw.) Also u have glasses and when she tried on the pharmacists glasses it leads me to think that she would ask u to put ur glasses on her. She would look cute in these.

Style wise I think it matches her style maybe a little but the bandshirts would be her favorite on u.

Personality wise u match her maybe the most. She is definitely an ambivert and like u said, shy at first but then open with the ones u feel comfortable with is also the case with Bev. She also gets along with most people and has friends (losers club). Also your not very social and so is she. Another important point is that u hide stuff from ur parents and so does she. I mean she hides everything from her father so I think u two would mostly relate about that to each other.

Hobby wise, like said before she would love ur taste in music and ask u about the bands that u like and together as a cute date idea the two of u would listen to music together and exchange your tastes in music. She would also love to hear u play the ukulele/piano. I also think the two of u would enjoy watching horror movies together but since IT is the biggest horror in your lifes, then you guys wouldn't need horror movies anymore lol. After all she would love your hobbies and love to try them out with u.

That's all I could take from your text that would match her so hope u like it and also like that I matched you with Bev.

[all-or-nothing-baby]

15 QUESTIONS, 15 (or whatever) TAGS

i was tagged by @ash-mcj—thanks dude! HERE is their's.

.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYBODY?

my middle name is the name of my mum's friend/dad's ex who died (my folks ended up getting together a year later).

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

about 10 minutes ago? to WELLY BOOTS which is an amazing devil song i've heard 10,000 times before. i honestly cry a gajillion times a day bc i don't just cry at sad stuff but also anything that moves me: from hearing a wonderful piece of music... to someone saying something kind to me or anybody else (real person or fictional character)... to being overwhelmed by the enormity of life and all its fucked-up and wonderful complexities... seriously, absolutely bloody everything makes me cry!

3. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

yes, two of 'em; a brilliant, beautiful, super-talented, immensely kind and outrageously hilarious 24 year old and a brilliant, beautiful, super-talented, immensely kind and outrageously hilarious 15 year old :) they're incredibly different individuals who bicker like siblings absolutely should and love each other a lot. i love them both so much it makes me cry when i think about it (surprise surprise).

4. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?

oh, no, never. (probs too much at times—although i don't always understand when others are using it with me #neurodiversesquad).

5. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

used to do what the american folks call 'run track', back in the day before chronic illnesses became the villain in my story.

6. WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT SOMEONE?

whether they, you know, get it (or not).

7. EYE COLOUR?

erm, a bit of an odd sort of dark grey/blue with lots of dark green swirls and splodges

8. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

oh definitely scary movies, horror my beloved <3 i think i'm finally (bc it's been on my list for so long omg) gonna get around to watching RELIC tonight! *scratching at the door noises*

9. ANY SPECIAL TALENTS?

forgetting absolutely fucking anything and everything all the fucking time. ALWAYS knowing the first letter of the word i can't think of. having a bit of a photographic memory. being able to play the william tell overture by flicking my fingernails against my front teeth. making really good pancakes. good at accents. pretty good at drawing faces. playing music by ear. great at making inconsequential lists lol

10. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

blackpool, a seaside town in the north-west of england, UK. imo it's a veritable shithole these days, only good for trashy arcades and getting stabbed... but i do miss the ocean now i don't live there.

11. WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

making art, making words, making mixtapes, making trouble, making time for reading, making music, making a mess.

12. DO YOU HAVE PETS?

yes—i couldn't imagine not having critters in the house! i have 4 precious arseholes cats: little jimmy novak and moriarty, who are both house-loving cats—like, they do go out, but are indoors wanting cuddles more often than not. whereas the other two, grace jones ii and goku, are practically feral and only really come home for dinner and if it's raining hard (and the occasional i-will-allow-you-to-stroke-me-and-let-you-have-the-honour-of-me-sitting-on-your-knee-i-suppose).

13. HOW TALL ARE YOU?

5'2". short king.

14. FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

loved art and english in high-school, and also enjoyed drama and history. i studied art at college and fashion at uni (which was a mistake, that world was very much not for me pfft).

15. DREAM JOB?

i honestly don't dream of jobs. but if i did? i suppose a portrait artist or published poet who was paid enough to actually live on, aha.

.

tagging, play or nay: @shealynn88 @sharkfish @novemberhush @greyhavenisback @poebin @jmeelee @raisesomehale @rajalagang @ohhalefire @halinski @kikiroo @lovebillyhargrove @harrgrove @slytherkins @witchsickness @ltleflrt @wellwaterhysteria @deklo @chasingcastiel @racheld93 @gabedemon absolutely anybody else who wants to do the thing!

[somelazyassartist]

I am having a very strange relationship with mental health currently and I need to talk about it or I feel like I'll explode!!! This is not all actually bad it's just like what is happening!!!!! Under cut bc I am just kinda rambling and don't know what I'm saying really and I'll probably delete this bc I will probably feel extremely weird about talking about it by the time I wake up tomorrow but!! Like j said I just feel like if I don't say anything I'm gonna explode!!!!!!

Like bad stuff out of the way first I guess there's like. Really traumatic realization about My ex-relationship where it's like. OH I was a literal child so I had no idea that was abusive but that was Really Fucking Abusive and I don't know how to deal with that?? I haven't even talked to that person in years and I'm in a much healthier and happier relationship now but like it is kinda fucking me up simply because I have no idea how I'm supposed to handle trauma that I didn't even know was trauma until after I'm far out of that situation. Also been having WAY more paranoia and weirdly vivid nightmares lately but I honestly have zero idea if those are related or not.

HOWEVER like literally don't worry about that at all ever BECAUSE despite those way lower lows than I usually have I have ALSO been having way higher highs in my mental health!!!!! And I don't know why!!!!! I knew moving would help with my depression a lot simply bc I'd be out of my shitty school and shitty cold garage bedroom and away from my shitty stepdad and away from the city (I do not handle loud and crowded and busy environments well) and now I live out in the middle of nowhere where it's quiet and I love it! But like for the last 4 years I've lived here I still felt like my depression had dulled like ALL my care about things down even if the depression itself kinda faded away. Like I got to the point where I wasn't crying myself to sleep every night, but I would read maybe 3 of my already-liked books a year and ignore my entire shelf of unread stuff, I had my favorite wizard outfit I'd wear on special occasions but every other day I'd just wear pajamas or a T-shirt and jeans because I couldn't be assed to do anything more, I'd have entire boxes of half-finished sketches because I would start drawing and lose interest halfway through the sketch, I have bins of art and decorations that I meant to put on my walls years ago and never did. But now!! Just in like the past few weeks specifically!!! I don't know why but I have had so much drive to DO THINGS!!!!! I WANT TO DO THINGS AGAIN!!!!! I've been reading!! Like, actually reading actual novels!!! Like I did when I was little where I was obsessed with making sure every book on my shelf got read at least once!!!!! I've been going through my closet and my accessory bins and makeup and pairing up what looks good!! I've actually been coordinating outfits and trying to make all my clothes have as much personality and fun as my one (1) special wizard outfit I wear!!! I had a bit of extra cash bc of holiday cards and I bought myself some armor despite knowing what it takes to maintain it and keep it nice because I actually have the motivation to upkeep it and find what clothes I have that will look good with a chestplate and pauldrons!!! (It also looks EXACTLY I mean EXACTLY like Laios Dunmeshi's armor so bonus autism win there)!!!!! I dug out my boxes of unfinished art and have been trying to finish old pieces!! I found my old half-filled notebooks and have been filling the blank pages that were leftover!!!!! I've been working on zines, I've been WRITING again (I fucking LOVED writing when I was a kid but grew to hate it eventually), I have multiple rough drafts for graphic novels and animations and in-universe 1st person perspective fantasy research journals!!!! I've been putting up art prints that've sat in boxes for years!!! I've been looking for where a shelf would go nicely to display my trinkets and nick knacks!!! I've been looking into 3D printing lightswitch covers with cool designs and figuring out what to paint on my bookshelves!!!!!!! I'm honestly extremely nervous and scared that this is temporary, and that soon I'm going to fade back into not caring about these things, and that if it goes away again it won't come back like what's happening now - but I am trying my best to keep caring and keep Loving life the way I haven't in years!!! And that is all anybody can do I think!!!!!!!

[gaym3bo1]

15 people, 15 questions

(if this means i'm gonna have to tag 15 ppl i'm gonna cry @non-binarypal7 @xagan @airenyah but thank u anyways hfhfh)

1. Are you named after anyone?

I'm named after two different political activists who share the same name lmao one marxist and one anti-segregation, ur allowed to guess

2. When was the last time you cried?

just before NYE bc i was completely overwhelmed and just wanted my peace and quiet (that i didnt get for like 3 weeks bc of the holidays)

3. Do you have kids?

lol no, i couldn't even raise a dog if i wanted to

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

i don't do any and i rlly should, but i was on a volleyball team for like 2 years in high school

5. Do you use sarcasm?

frequently, but apparently i've gotten worse at it and ppl can't hear it from my tone anymore, maybe i'm too deadpan with it

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

depends, but height is an obvious one

7. What’s your eye color?

Green? ish?

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

as long as it's not psychological horror/thriller i like both to a certain extent but i guess i'd choose happy endings (though i'm a strong fighter for 'not every story needs a happy end pls stop')

9. Any talents?

i'm self-depricating and feel like i'm failing at life so i'd like to say "None lol" but my friends would beat my ass so i'll say i'm quite good at picking up new hobbies/basic skills? And i'm a good cook!

10. Where were you born?

gemrany (yea i'll leave that typo, censor the place)

11. What are your hobbies?

making video edits of gay ass shows

reading fanfics abt gay ass shows

crocheting

drawing [hasn't drawn anything as a hobby in months]

eating delicious food (genuinely)

12. Do you have any pets?

3 snails <333 they are lovely and adorable and poop all day every day!

15. What is your dream job?

being the private chef for a friend that's suddenly rich for some reason. more realistically i would love working on tv shows or movies but also i know i'm not good enough AND i know how horrible the jobs are so i actually don't really. at least not as a long-term prospect but i'd love to try

tagging following 15 people:

....... tagging ppl in the last post already took all my social anxiety for the day, so i'll leave this for anyone who sees bc i am nosy but anxious (tag me i wanna see)

[petzel]

15 questions, 15 mutuals

tagged by: @yellowjckets THANK U I LOVE UUUU!!!!

1. are you named after anyone?

nope! well, actually one of my middle names is my grandpa's name, so i'm named for my grandpa!

2. when was the last time you cried?

last night, because cam bought me a necklace at target that hit me in a very emotionally vulnerable spot. i cry just about every single day though (i am a weeper from a long line of weepers and all that)

3. do you have kids?

i do not, but cam and i desperately want them. we are currently planning for one about 5 yrs 🫣 which is frightening but also very exciting. we're crazy too, like we already have a lot of baby clothes and cam's mom is handing down her cloth diapers and stuff. all very exciting!

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

i don't, but i am someone who struggles to understand sarcasm haha so i also struggle to use it properly.

5. what sports do you play/have you played?

i have never played sports lol. i wanted to play hockey very badly as a child (and still now), but it's expensive so i couldn't. i was told i should do track & field (specifically shotput) but i didn't want to. now i have a mild interest in dogsports, haha. i like LGRA, dock diving, rally o, and treibball.

6. what's the first thing you notice about people?

i agree with emmy about vibes, i feel like the first thing i notice is whether someone like. SEEMS nice or not.

7. what is your eye color?

like a t15/t17 on that 1998 eye color chart thing

8. scary movies or happy endings?

oh i loveee scary movies. i actually love both but horror is forever my angel

9. any special talents?

ehhh i have near limitless patience and have a decent beginner's mind? don't really think those are special talents, but hey. i can also touch my nose to my tongue i guess haha

10. where were you born?

my hometown is ann arbor, michigan. love that place forever and ever.

11. what are your hobbies?

drawing, cooking, (doing hw is not a hobby but i was in college for 4 semesters in a row and had no time for anything), dog training, photography (analog & digital), reading poetry, listening to the radio, spending time with my husband.

12. do you have pets?

yes! i have a 15 year old orange cat named buggy, and a 1 year old black and white spaniel mix named winston!

13. how tall are you?

5'4 🤫

14. favorite subject?

in grade school it was english and history, but in college, i loveee any of my classes that are actually about my major, fish & wildlife. i loved my lab last fall semester, and i'm really excited for horticulture lab this fall.

15. dream job?

mannnn who knows. i currently work at a botanical garden, which is good enough for me in the meantime! i'd like maybe some sort of labwork about birds, bc i liked working in the fish lab so much, but i also really enjoy my current staff team and i like more public facing work, so it's very up in the air rn.

TAGGING: @pepprs @centralpark1981 @romansmartini @dubwoofer @starw1sh @spelldealer @riskrov @snartled @evilsufjanstevens - all with absolutely zero pressure, i just see you all in my notifs and love you dearly be well dear mutuals

[jamesfalt]

adds to this as well with my tips since i'm in my last year. i'm an art major so some of these are very specific to art classes

CHECK YOUR EMAIL BEFORE YOU LEAVE FOR ANY IN-PERSON CLASS it's only happened a handful of times but i've literally had professors cancel 30 minutes to an hour before class and reach out by email

i'm sure if you've had a lifelong disability this is the first thing you do anyways, but always check with your disability center what they can do to help you!!! mine offers note-taking services where someone will go into class to take notes for you, it also helps if you need longer testing times and excused tardiness

IF YOU'RE TRANS AND OUT BUT HAVEN'T HAD YOUR NAME CHANGED: CHECK ALL THE ONLINE RESOURCES TO SEE IF YOU CAN'T JUST AUTOMATICALLY MAKE EVERYTHING YOUR PREFERRED NAME!!! i did digging on mine very early on and found a place to put a preferred name and have not had to deal with any deadnaming outside of more official matters (paperwork and such) since.

most professors are chill just talk to them if you need anything. when i caught covid last year it took me out of my classes for a week and my painting professor allowed me almost a whole extra week to finish my paintings simply bc i asked. had a power outage that lasted like 12 hours last semester and had to ask the teacher to extend the due date for the assignment due that night bc i just literally couldn't get online.

do not buy ANY BOOKS until you see that syllabus and the professor TELLS YOU TO BUY IT I'M SERIOUS. THE BOOKSTORE WILL STILL HAVE IT AND IF IT DOESN'T U CAN FIND IT ONLINE TRUST ME

unless the professor tells you not to, you can eat in class so long as you're not a nuisance

don't take morning classes unless you have to and if you do take only ONE per semester

art students: do NOT overwork yourself and pace yourself based on your projects in other classes. ask around what studio classes would be awful to stack (my painting professor had me convince another student to not do three studio classes where one of those classes was intro to ceramics bc that workload would've been BAD)

if u struggle with socializing and can't seem to make friends in class, join a club! clubs often also throw events and stuff you can go to outside of them that you can also make friends at.

check your email at LEAST 3 times a day you never know WHAT could happen genuinely

to reiterate an earlier point in the post, drop out of a class as soon as you realize you don't like it, i really wish i did this first semester when i took an english class that had everything due on wednesday at 10am. like the whole week.

i go to a state university and not a specific art school so it's not the same but unless your professor is super anti-fanart it's fine lol. i love doing fanart for class, i try to keep it minimal but if it works it works

oh feel free to bring shit to do with your hands for lecture classes. you can draw in them. you can crochet/knit. bring a fidget toy that doesn't make noise. never had a single professor who cared. bring stuffed animals who gives a shit.

if you ahve class on halloween go to class dressed up it's fun :( last year i only saw people from the art department dressed up it was so sad

if the weather is bad don't risk it honestly, even professors will cancel class if the school won't in those conditions.

uhhh just find out the fun things you can do around campus :) go to ur college's events they're fun,

OH LAST POINT find out what resources your campus has. for artists see what the campus print shop has and their prices, see what the craft shop has if your's has one. my print shop does stickers and magnets and transparencies all for really cheap, the craft shop has a kiln that is literally available for anyone to use so long as you have a membership or pay the day fee (or go on a free day for students). see if your campus has free counseling for students. does it have an on-campus clinic? use that too.

have fun and if shit sucks, hit da bricks! (drop that class! change your major to something easier for you!! drop out altogether if it's just not working!)

Actual good first-time college student advice:

Wear jeans/pants that “breathe” and bring a sweater, even if it’s scorching hot out, until you know which building blasts the AC to 60 degrees F and which feels like a sauna

Backpacks with thick straps are your friend!  Messenger bags are cool and all but if you’re commuting with a lot of stuff, symmetrically styled backpacks are better for your back

You are your own person and you can walk out whenever you need to or want to, so long as you’re not disrupting the class.  Meaning you can go to the bathroom without permission, take a breather if you’re anxious, answer an important phone call, etc.

If you don’t like the class on the first day, if you can- DROP THAT CLASS AND TAKE ANOTHER ONE!  It’ll only get worse from there!

If you can, take a class outside your major; it’s a good break from your expected studies.

You are in charge of your schedule.  Your adviser and guidance counselor is there to ‘advise and guide’ but if you don’t like certain classes and you can substitute for others, that’s your choice.

Consequently, if you are changing anything drastic in your plan, talk with your adviser and instructors.

Pay attention to your credit hours and grades.  Never leave this to the last week of school, you will be sorry and stressed beyond belief!

Unless it’s a lab book or otherwise specified, go to the class for a week or so before buying an expensive textbook.  Some classes, while having it on their required list, do not actually use the textbook a whole lot and you might find some of it scanned online.  Rent if you can or buy used online (schools actually don’t give discounts).  Use your best judgement on what you think you need.

Tell the people who go up to you selling or advertising things you are not interested in that you are in a rush to class and don’t have time to listen to them.  It’s less rude and they’ll leave you alone.

The smaller the class, the better it is to have some sort of acquaintanceship with a couple classmates.  They might save your ass if you are absent one day or need to study.  And talking with them makes the time go by faster without it being so insufferable.

You don’t need to join a club or sport, but internships are cool and useful!

If you can afford it, take a day off once or twice each semester if you’re too exhausted.  Just be aware of what you missed and if it was worth missing!

Your health is the most important, this goes for mental health too!!  Note: College-age/upper teens is when mental disorders like depression and anxiety are most commonly diagnosed.  Most schools have therapy services, especially during exam time.  Look into it if you need to!

Communicate with your professor if you are having trouble with something.  Anything.

Eat and stay hydrated.  Bring a water bottle and snack to class.

All-nighters will happen but never go over 36 hours without sleep.

It’s going to be hard and there will be times you might think about giving up.  This WILL happen.  You just have to make sure what you’re doing isn’t making you absolutely miserable and/or there is something rewarding and positive to look forward to at the end!

[roseannebp22]

a random but soulful analysis of one of my favorite Taylor songs of all time, The Outside =") <3

The Outside is the #6 song on Taylor Swift's 1st Studio album, Taylor Swift, released in 2006. It is also the second song she ever wrote, at only 12 years old, about being an outsider in middle school.

"I didn't know what I would find

When I went looking for a reason, I know

I didn't read between the lines

And, baby, I've got nowhere to go"

Taylor is a very expressive, extroverted girl, and if she's spontaneous the way she is now I can't imagine how she used to be as a kid. I truly feel she's the most truthful public person out there not bc she makes an effort for it but bc she doesn't know how to be anyway different. She clearly has always been that super loud, happy child that would get excited over small things and talk about what she loved nonstop even if no one was interested in what she had to say.

Now, at that age around 12, 13 when everybody's trying to fit in and act cool and unbothered, and draw the least attention to themselves as possible, her not being able to "read the room" and act like everyone else was annoying to the other kids. Since they didn't have the courage to be like her, that was unacceptable.

So, going back to the lyrics, little 12 year old Tay was confused and hurt as to why the others wouldn't accept her, and tried to find a reason for it, because after all, she was just being herself, like she had been her whole life.

She felt guilty because she couldn't speak the same nonchalant lingo of the others and wasn't able to get their underlying warnings of how inappropriate her behavior was to them.

"I tried to take the road less traveled by

But nothing seems to work the first few times

Am I right?"

She tried to continue to be herself (the road less traveled by since the others just complied to the social rules to fit in) and keep her usual excitable personality in all ways she could - probably trying to balance her true self with the people pleasing, but nothing worked..

"So how can I ever try to be better?

Nobody ever lets me in

I can still see you, this ain't the best view

On the outside looking in

I've been a lot of lonely places

I've never been on the outside"

*this is the part that breaks me the most ><*

now she's just being ostracized, confused, completely alone and desperate to be seen. She's convinced that she's the part of the equation that doesn't fit, she didn't comply to their rules, she's in the wrong and needs to do better.

But how if she's been shut off? She's now looking at her peers from outside of their dome, and all her chances to please them were wasted.

You saw me there, but never knew

That I would give it all up to be

A part of this, a part of you

And now, it's all too late, so you see

You could've helped if you had wanted to

But no one notices until it's too late to do anything

This is about not the perpetrators (her actual bullies) but their accomplices. To keep the social norm and status quo all kids must comply, even the ones who can see that there's something wrong there. Everyone saw her alone at the cafeteria, being made fun of in the corridors and eating alone in the bathroom.

Still, they just thought it'd be better to feel guilty from afar than to befriend her and accept her for who she was, which meant going against the unspoken rules - and being an outcast with her.

How can I ever try to be better?

Nobody ever lets me in

And I can still see you, this ain't the best view

On the outside looking in

I've been a lot of lonely places

I've never been on the outside

There's no happy ending to this song. It ends with the exact sentiment it begins with of not belonging and being the problem.

This song (and this cruel experience) feels like the foundation of everything for Taylor. Her career, her songwriting, her self love and self image. The way that this magnificent social butterfly continuously puts herself in that 'observer', outcast place even years later, as a grown, stratospherically successful woman and dives deeply into the loneliest corners of her inner self which later translates itself into the most raw and beautiful art like I look in people's windows and I hate it here.

The way all her emotional issues seem to start and end inside her. She's always the primary perpetrator of her pain because, to her, she's also always the issue itself. She's the one cursed with the prophecy, she's the one cutting off her nose to spite her face, she's the one with the blind optimism.

I haven't got a proper ending to this either, I just think about this song a lot - and the very real person Taylor is.