#i could’ve sworn that the creator was on tumblr

[jesus-holding-your-fave]

Eddie Dear from Welcome Home 🙏

Today, Jesus is holding:

Eddie Dear from Welcome Home

[bigjimbopickens]

hi sorry to bother you i know this is like a dead issue now but i was a massive fan of kevin before the hogwarts legacy shit, i’m a trans guy and i stopped watching him because of it. i really miss his content though, his channel is pretty much all the games i like and my sense of humour, but i feel so conflicted about wanting to go back to his content. i was just curious what your thought process was around rejoining the cult? i know it’s kinda weird to ask now since it’s been like 6 months since it happened but i feel really weird about it.

also like. no pressure to answer i don’t know if this is crossing a line or anything sorry

It’s okay don’t worry :) enough time has passed, to me at least. Tbh this is the first I’ve heard about this in a while lol.

It’s okay to feel conflicted. I don’t speak for everyone here but everyone I talk to regularly has forgiven him but won’t forget that this happened.

I do believe he learned from this, he hasn’t done anything HP related since then, besides for a few ps1 Hagrid cameos (which is fine, ps1 Hagrid has been a channel meme for a while). I just hope this doesn’t age poorly.

What started getting me back was a bit after the apology post I noticed that other YouTubers were doubling down on their decisions or just not saying anything, including ones I used to respect. Even though I wished Kevin did more than just a Reddit post, I’m glad he didn’t stay silent and admitted he fucked up. His intention wasn’t malicious, unlike a lot of other creators, which is why I was more forgiving with him compared to others. Though I still lost a lot of respect which was regained over time.

Oddly enough what got me to really respect him again was his video on those American Superpastors and Megachurches. Having grown up in one (though in Canada, they exist here but aren’t as big) it was very healing. He couldn’t say it because he didn’t want to get sued, but he was very heavily implying that he believes it’s all a huge scam and they’re exploiting people. But he’s right, I’ve witnessed it myself. Never would’ve expected him to make a video like that and be so bold with it. I’m glad Europeans see what goes on here and think “what the fuck?!” Great video definitely recommend.

Other than that, mainly just enough time passed where I no longer feel that way. I missed the sense of community which is why I rejoined the fandom but it’s not my main one anymore. I mostly do my own thing these days. It was awesome going to Vancoufur as Werewolf Jim and meeting CMK fans there too, I could’ve sworn I was the only British Columbian in the entire fandom. Though I don’t fully trust the fandom still, mainly people I don’t recognize. But not anyone here, Tumblr isn’t really the site for those people.

Not much else has really changed in his content, just no more HP videos in general (as of July 22, 2023) and the fast-paced editing has mostly stopped. He now only uploads on Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays now + any 2nd channel content, song covers or streams. The community has changed a lot though. The Reddit protests caused the subreddit to shut down so it’s gone, so there’s now no longer one big gathering spot besides Discord, which is the one side of the community I’m not in.

It’s really your choice if you wanna start watching again, anonymous user. Do whatever makes you happy :)

Since this is related, I haven’t heard a thing about HL since February. It really was just a mid game that was only popular because it was controversial. Transphobes really spent a lot of money on this, they’re the real losers. I know single player games get less players overtime but a lot of them still get talked about, replayed or are still relevant. Idk just my thoughts. If you really want a magic game with custom spells, play Oblivion’s Mages Guild questline or modded Skyrim.

Also sorry if I got back to this so late. I haven’t had a stable connection for a while until now. I’ve been away, escaping wildfires. Average Canadian summer activities.

[heraldofzaun]

This is my “Viktor has never been a stereotypical evil villain, you guys are just mean” post.

Hi. Well. That says it all, really, but I guess I should elaborate. I think that Viktor has always been a victim of society [cue Joker meme], it’s just that what society has shifted over the course of his lore update.

With new lore, it’s very clearly Piltover casting him out for his (in my opinion, pretty unethical from the get-go) ideas on free will/worker safety/etc. and that subsequently making him worse. But with his previous lore - what I run off of on this blog - I’ve seen a lot of commentary about how he’s always just been “evil”, or that his motivations weren’t defined, etc. And while I can agree that his old lore certainly has less of a word count (5x less, actually) and doesn’t make his motives crystal-clear, it’s just not true that his original incarnation was just a villainous scientist. (Nor is it true that he was perceived as one by his old fans!) It takes a little bit of looking at Blitzcrank’s lore, and the Journal of Justice (hey, remember that?) to see, but it’s there... So, here goes. I’m sorry for how long this ended up being (2k words!) - it ended up touching on a lot more than just Viktor.

Viktor’s always been stolen from. (Except for Blitzcrank’s newest lores, which contradict Viktor’s new lore, which... That’s a topic for another time.) It’s always been Professor Stanwick Pididly (now Professor Stanwick) who’s done the stealing - originally, he was a professor at Zaun’s “prestigious College of Techmaturgy”. In new lore, he’s a professor at an unnamed academy in Piltover. I think the best way to track the new/old changes is bullet-points, rather than writing this all out. Tumblr doesn’t allow T-charts, sadly.

Professor Pididly in old lore:

Zaunite professor.

Stole Blitzcrank (well, the accolades for developing Blitz’s sentience) from Viktor and Viktor’s doctoral team. (While this is headcanon, I’ve always assumed that Stanwick was Viktor’s (and Viktor’s team’s) doctoral advisor. I can’t quite imagine how else he’d pull off stealing a group project like that.) Viktor subsequently withdrew from the college and “barricaded himself in his private laboratory”. (Which is his house in my personal take, because really - what sort of doctoral student can afford a lab?)

Blitzcrank’s case reached Zaun’s legal system, resulting in a “legal maelstrom” (Blitz’s original lore) that ended with Stanwick presumably being legally declared Blitzcrank’s creator.

Blitzcrank’s lore states that “most now know the truth” in regards to who his creator is. This is important for later, so stick that in your back pocket.

Pididly is referred to as “Professor Pididly” in JoJ issues 3, 18, and 23, which are given the dates of August of 20CLE, March of 21 CLE, and June of 21 CLE.

Side note: According to Orianna’s judgment, which is dated May of 21 CLE - stay with me here, it’ll make sense - Blitzcrank entered the League “years before”. As League at this time was mostly running in time with the real world, this makes sense - Blitzcrank was a 2009 champion and Orianna was released in 2011. Judgments seem to be dated to a few days before a champion’s release, in order to tie with the lore - one had to be “Judged” before made a champion... but I’m rambling. Anyways, years before, back pocket.

Is referred to as “Chairman Pididly” in JoJ issue 27, dated August of 21 CLE. “Chairman” seems to be a title given to those in political power in Zaun. Another example is Chairman Magnus Dunderson, Zaun’s “Chief Executive” (issue 5). (I could’ve sworn that there is canonically a “Board of Executives” in old lore Zaun, but scrubbing through the JoJ on the wiki hasn’t turned it up - just Blitzcrank’s lore mentioning the “Council of Zaun”. Maybe it was fanon? Anyways.) Back pocket!

Also stole some work from Viktor in order to revive Urgot. Urgot’s revival was reported on in issue 3 of the JoJ, and the confirmation that it was from Viktor’s work is in Viktor’s original lore.

Professor Stanwick (Pididly? I feel like they ditched his last name because it was “too silly”, also because Stanwick sounds British-adjacent anyways and that’s Piltover’s “thing” - but anyways) in new lore:

Piltovian professor.

Stole Blitzcrank from Viktor alone, who made the robot to help clean up a specific chemical spill. Viktor went to Zaun for a few weeks and came back to find that Stanwick had “held a symposium on Blitzcrank and presented Viktor's research as his own”. Viktor subsequently continued on his studies, culminating with him later being expelled for “violating basic human dignity”. Viktor returns to a laboratory that he had in Zaun.

Blitzcrank’s case is solely a university matter. Viktor petitions Jayce to help support his claim, but Jayce is Jayce and doesn’t help out. The “matter [is] decided in Professor Stanwick’s favor”.

Blitzcrank’s lore doesn’t really say anything about if people know that Viktor made him (them, technically, but Riot doesn’t get to make the robot non-binary), but I guess it’s implied in the 3rd iteration? (That would be the first new one, after the IoW retcon making most champions’ 2nd lores being the same lore with any reference to the titular League of Legends removed.) He works with Viktor in that one. It doesn’t fit with Viktor’s updated lore at all, actually, because it mentions Stanwick absolutely zero times. (A post for another day...)

Has nothing to do with Urgot, since Urgot’s different now.

So, the general plot of “professor rips off a student” is there, it’s just got an added layer of “professor rips off a foreign/out-group student” in new lore to tie into the overarching idea of Piltover exploiting Zaun. (Is Zaun considered foreign? Yes? No? It’s sort of textually implied sometimes to be another city, but can it actually be when it’s physically underneath Piltover? Is the metaphor in new lore a class thing, then? Is it both? Am I supposed to take Viktor’s Russian accent into account when reading this text? I don’t know.) Anyways, so far so... same, in the broad strokes. Unless Viktor’s villainy in old lore is specifically because someone from his city ripped him off, I don’t know how you can compare new/old lore and say that old painted him as a villain.

But what about the everything else I put there? We’re getting there - that’s part of Viktor’s in-universe stuff. I’m taking a quick detour out of universe, to Jayce’s very first lore...

Which had Viktor stealing a techmaturgical device from Jayce. While I can’t cite this, sadly - thank you, Riot deleting the old forums and me not having the patience to look through archives at the moment - there was a backlash around this on the forums. Why would Viktor, a character who’d been stolen from, steal in turn? So Jayce’s second lore, the one that most people were familiar with before the new lore update, was made. Now Viktor stole a crystal after trying to partner with Jayce, Jayce was less well-established as an inventor, he had a bit more character... All good things. (Also, this is probably where the new lore direction of them being former college colleagues come from.)

Also, as an aside: this is the first use I can see of crystals specifically being described as arcane power sources... The only other discussion of magical crystals was the Brackern... which was then merged into magical crystals having to be from the Brackern... Which means that...

But anyways! Clearly Viktor fans didn’t see him as a villain in 2012, or at least not one that would victimize others in the same way that he’d been hurt. They made such a fuss about it that Jayce’s lore was changed to paint Viktor more sympathetically! (When’s the last time that there’s been that much backl- oh. It’s Seraphine again. Anyways.) So, again, Viktor’s perception as an evil scientist mostly seems to have come from people who weren’t really familiar with his lore. So... case closed?

Except that I also want to talk about in-universe things! Everything that I told you to put in your back pocket! Because this post is already over a thousand words and I have thrown myself firmly into this vortex.

Viktor’s victimization by society [Joker meme] is actually probably worse in old lore, which is a fact that I think has been pretty overlooked. While new lore Viktor gets kicked back down to Zaun and gets his work stolen in academia - with Stanwick presumably never being questioned on whether or not he made Blitzcrank, because there’s that whole “Zaunites are bad” thread that is both in and out of universe... Old lore Viktor sure does get it worse, although I admit that this requires some interpretation of canon. His thing with Blitzcrank was, again, a “legal maelstrom” - and with Blitzcrank being considered a Zaunite celebrity before this court case, it seems relatively easy/logical to infer that this maelstrom was a very public case.

So all of Zaun gets to see Viktor crash and burn in court. I’d say that’s a bit worse than just academia seeing it, as is the case in new lore.

And then there’s Blitzcrank’s lore flat-out saying that “most now know the truth” about who made him. (While this lore does predate Viktor’s existence - isn’t it odd to think about a Blitzcrank made by a faceless team of generic doctoral students, rather than Viktor... and a faceless team of generic doctoral students? - I see no reason not to take it as canonical for Viktor’s original lore. There’d been minor lore touchups before, so if Riot wanted Viktor’s creation of Blitzcrank to be an unknown... they could have edited Blitzcrank’s lore.) But Viktor’s still on the fringes, and nothing in his lore (which, again, was written years after Blitzcrank’s) seems to acknowledge that by the time he enters the League we have confirmation, date-wise, that it’s been years since the truth came out. (Orianna Judgment, etc.) That’s to say: people knowing that Viktor made Blitzcrank does nothing for him - he gets no apologies or anything like that.

Of course, if you take League lore as happening concurrently and nix the Judgments and the League, I guess that this is tenuous - but working within the framework of when he was released, it seems clear to me that the implication of all this lore is (whether it was intended by Riot to be read this way or not) that no one in Zaun cares that Viktor was stolen from. It’s an open secret. No one’s seeking justice for him. But it gets worse...!

So, it’s generally known that Stanwick didn’t make Blitzcrank by the time that the JoJ is running. And he’s just a professor for most of the run of that part of the lore, until... Issue 27. In which he becomes Chairman Pididly, someone who is now implied to have political power. (I have to assume he gets the position due to the political goodwill from Noxus that his revival of Urgot must have brought Zaun, but that’s just interpretation.) But! Even though most people know that Stanwick didn’t make Blitzcrank - that he stole Blitzcrank - he ends up not losing his university job (he’s still Professor Pididly for most of the JoJ, after all) but... gaining political office!

All of this is to say that Zaun is so crooked that you can have the fact that you stole from someone and ruined their life revealed... and get a promotion to government! You can shatter an idealistic man who had a “hope to better society” and make him into someone like the Machine Herald and face absolutely zero repercussions. I think that that is significantly worse than how new lore Viktor’s victimization by Piltover consisted of an academia-only dispute that left him with just some bitterness... New Viktor was, after all, kicked out of Piltovian academia for ethics violations, not for Blitzcrank.

Everything surrounding old lore Viktor is a bit harder to piece together, since you have to look through a few lores and make a few inferences, which is why I think that people don’t realize exactly how bad he had it... (That and time erasing memories, or people being new to the fandom, or people not being interested in Viktor, or...) But he had it bad, and I’m honestly disappointed that we never got to explore much of Zaun’s particular brand of corporate corruption in canon. Now they’re the perpetual underdogs, both victims and villians, and Riot isn’t quite sure how to write them beyond constant exploitation from Piltover. (Even the chem-barons have taken somewhat of a backseat lately in new lore, from what I’ve seen - Piltover seems to be the primary cause of Zaun’s ills, because the combined region is now an upper city/lower city metaphor about class. The chem-barons just seem to be written as a result of Piltover’s ignoring of Zaun - because Zaun seems to be more of an undercity than a sovereign city or state, but that varies depending on whatever piece of lore you’re reading and... Another post, another time.)

So. TL;DR: Viktor’s always been a character who was victimized by a city, be it Zaun or Piltover. Viktor’s always been a character more complex than just a maniacal villain, although it takes more work to see that in his old lore as compared to his new. (His new pretty much screams “we are trying to make him and Jayce morally grey”, after all.) This victimization is arguably worse in old lore, as it’s implied that he went through a very public legal case that ended with Stanwick taking credit for Blitzcrank. In addition to that, Stanwick’s subsequent shift to politics implies that Zaun is so corrupt that most everyone knowing that he’s a thief isn’t an issue at all. He’s untouchable.

Viktor’s always been the result of an idealistic man being crushed by a society that doesn’t care for him and his dreams. That’s nothing new.

[7thedisasterdyke]

all of the ask me something questions ^^ (I can't brain)

Oh dear, this may take a while... but here goes:

Have you ever:

1. Skipped class? No, but that’s just bc private school

2. Done drugs? No

3. Self harmed? No, and I’ve sworn several sacred oaths to never self harm.

4. Drank? Sipped

5. Shoplifted? No, but the future holds many things

6. Gotten a tattoo? No, but I would like to

7. Broken up with someone? Never been in that kind of relationship so far in life

What’s your favorite:

8. Show? 

9. Movie? 

10. Song? 

11. Tumblr? 

12. Singer/Band? 

13. Memory? 

14. Book?

Imma just be honest, I don’t really do favorites

This or that:

15. Invisibility or Ability to fly? If it were scientifically possible to not have physical consequences? Ability to fly. I’m asexual, I’m already invisible.

16. Cookies or Cake? Pie

17. Twitter or Facebook? Blegh, either Instagram or Tumblr

18. Movies or Books? Books, 100% of the time

19. Coke or Sprite? Sprite

20. Blind or Deaf? Deaf, at least I can still read

21. Tea or Coffee? Tea

What’s your:

22. Age? 17

23. Sign? Pisces

24. Height? Maybe a millimeter from 6ft?

25. Sexual orientation? Asexual

26. Shoe size? US men’s 12 extra wide

27. Religion? Polytheist, and simultaneously deist and theist (i.e. I believe in a Creator while also believing in other gods.)

28. Longest relationship? Relationship is a funny word, if the context is romantic, then no, if sexual, then no, if familial, then 17 years, if platonic, then I suppose 17 years, as I am still in touch with one of my first friends.

Opinion on:

29. Gay rights? Hell yeah!

30. Second chances? Depends entirely on how badly things were screwed up the first time

31. Long distance relationships? If you can sustain them, go right ahead

32. Abortion? Only in some cases. If you will not be able to support a child and still care for yourself, then it’s a valid choice. If you can, I won’t stop you from getting one, but I’ll still see it as a possible person who could’ve found a better cure for cancer, or HIV/AIDS, or any number of diseases, or maybe they could have solved any number of problems in the world. Just my opinion though, I’ve thought long and hard on this subject.

33. The death penalty? Only in cases that need it

34. Marijuana? That’s fine, if you want to get high, go for it. 

35. Love? Somewhat overrated in today’s culture, romance has become more desirable than true friendships.

Do you:

36. Believe in ghost? Sort of

37. Shower facing the shower head or turned away from it? Depends on which way I’m facing, I don’t really care.

38. Sleep with the door opened or closed? Closed

39. Love someone? I love a lot of people as friends, and some as more

40. Still watch cartoons? Um yeah, why wouldn’t I?

41. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend? I don’t know...

42. Like yourself? Sometimes, although after the dream that woke me up yesterday morning, it’s closer to a definite yes

Okay, that’s all of them

[mogai-headcanons]

i found the creator for heliosgender on twitter (@GirldxckCentral)! for “bestie-loving-bestie”, however, i haven’t had much luck sadly. i could’ve sworn that the creator was on either tumblr or twitter but idk – tf2 anon

oh! i forgot to add in my previous ask but it's cool if you leave out "bestie-loving-bestie" if you and/or other ppls can't find it - tf2 anon

thanks! i did another search on tumblr and twitter but still couldn't find it, so i'm gonna leave it off atm, but if someone finds it i'll add it.

[omgkatsudonplease]

competing access needs in yoi fandom: a quick rant

since i’m not done wanking i’ll add this thing which i briefly touched on in an article i’m writing for the transformative works and cultures journal: i really suspect half of the current wank in yoi fandom is due to competing access needs and definitions about what fandom is, some of which is generational. 

a lot of the older fans (or, like myself, older-in-fandom-years fans) have lived through active censorship of slash fanfiction prior to ao3′s creation, including purges on livejournal and fanfiction.net. these fans also tend to see fandom more as a hobby, something they do for fun on the side without profit which they may have had to hide from their family when they were younger.

fans that enter fandom with the rise of tumblr and social media don’t necessarily have that background, and are engaging with fandom in a time when slash has become more accepted in fandom culture, and people are (in part thanks to racefail 09) successfully pushing for more diversity in media. this leads to a sense, especially with the growing success of many fanwriters who ascend into content creators, that fan culture is part of the mainstream, and that engaging in fandom is a way of life and a potential vehicle to future success. 

so with this difference in mind it’s not surprising that some newer fans are quicker to equate shipping with activism (having never been in a fandom environment where contacting the creator with your gay ships -- or any fanworks at all -- could get you sued) and attempt to critique fanworks with the same amount of scrutiny -- or, arguably, more scrutiny -- paid towards mainstream media. it’s just the current environment, where the common perception is that fanfiction is a lot more accepted and widespread than it really is. (it’s also possible this acceptance of pop culture/fandom into existing cultural studies in academia could be why “wank” is now “discourse” though i could’ve sworn “the discourse” started as a meme -- but i digress)

so when two different though not diametrically opposed fandom cultures collide -- old fandom with its squicks and wanks and its kinktomatoes and “don’t like don’t read”, versus new fandom with its willingness to critique media for greater diversity and representation and its sincere belief that fandom can be a brewing ground for all of that -- it’s not that surprising that the current wank exists. that new fandomers are trying to push out old fandomers on the basis of “being creepy predatory adults” who “clearly condone problematic shit”, when it’s really just old fandomers following their old fandom rules and mores. 

that’s why it may seem impossible to bridge the gap, because most of the “let people write what they want” camp is of the opinion that fandom is a hobby done for free on the internet where at most a couple thousand people will read your fic and like it. in the grand scheme of things, no criminal will claim that a dark viktor fic inspired them to commit their crime -- and even then it’s the criminal’s fault they did that, not the author of the dark viktor fic, but i digress again. i’m sure i’m really generalising the demographics of both camps, but that’s the general trend i’ve seen. most of this wank boils down to culture clash between old and new fandom: old fandom ignores things it doesn’t like, new fandom is aspirational and seeks to eradicate things it doesn’t like. 

so perhaps it would be in all of our best interests to step back and say that there are competing access needs here. someone venting about their perception of how popular dark viktor is in fandom clearly has a different need out of fandom than someone who doesn’t understand why yoi fandom is ridiculously light and fluffy compared to other fandoms they’ve been in (i’d hate to see everyone reacting to my next fic collab when y’all are insistent that the siren au is angst, for the record). someone who wonders why anyone would write viktor and/or yuuri in pairings with other characters when they can be together clearly has a different need out of fandom than someone starved for rarepair fics. 

anyway that’s my wank and hopefully the last i’ll say about this before my article comes out so yeah. sorry this is long, feel free to discuss or rebut or whatever, though i might not respond.

tl;dr: old fandom and new fandom culture clash in yoi fandom leads to competing access needs out of fandom and subsequent piles of disk horse on my dash. 

[inkofamethyst]

January 8, 2021

I could’ve sworn that I’d written about this, but when I searched my tumblr I didn’t find anything relating specifically to what I’m about to say.  That said, I don’t think the search tool is particularly accurate (I searched for various forms of the term “wolf359″ and nothing came up, but when I searched “audiodrama” I got a single entry from March that included the words Wolf 359 so), so maybe I’m just re-stating something I’ve already talked about before.  But I’ve found that I feel most intelligent when I’m able to relate something from fiction to real life so here it goes.

Remember in Wolf359 when Hera (Hira?) found out that her glitch was programmed into her to keep her from becoming too ambitious?  The occasional glitch in her voice was literally Hera’s voice telling herself “I’m not good enough” or something along those lines every few words or so so that her creator could keep her spunk in check?  And this seeped into Hera so bad that she was barely able to keep the station running properly at times?  

Yeah.  That’s why I want to police my self-attacks.  I don’t want to be the one to suffocate my own ambition with some false humility that’s just a coverup for me not believing in myself.  And it’s cyclical, you know?  The more I attack my intelligence, one thing that I’ve been taught to value about myself (which is another problem to tackle at another time-- I need to value all of me always, not conditionally based on one trait), the less I believe in myself, and the more likely I am to start believing that what I say during those attacks are true.  Even if they’re nonchalant.  Even if they fly out of my mouth faster than I can comprehend what is actually being said.  Hera couldn’t hear her voice putting herself down, but it still affected her.  Hearing it every hour of every day.  A reminder of her lack of self-esteem.  A punch to her self-worth with every repetition.

So I want to stop that before it becomes too late for me.  Self-deprecation really isn’t cute.  It wasn’t cute in middle school and high school either, we were all just tricked somehow into believing that extreme humility (into the range of self-hatred) and apathy toward the self were cool.  They’re not.  And maybe pat of becoming an adult is realizing this.

There’s some truth at the bottom of every joke, you know.

I wrote this a few weeks ago, but I think it’s especially relevant now after what I wrote yesterday.  And hey, guess what!?  I’m gonna get a therapy!  I asked my dad whether mental health services were covered under our insurance and he said ~yeah~ so now my mom is helping me search for an appropriate therapist.  We win theeeeesssseeeeee.

Anyway I didn’t appreciate how smug my mom was when she talked to me about it all “I’ve been saying you’ve had self-esteem issues all along” well okay mom maybe I just needed to get to that conclusion myself.  And she had the audacity--the audacity--to tell me she was proud that I came to them.  Look, I wouldn’t’ve if I had my own health insurance, but I certainly can’t go pay for a therapist on my own, now can I?  She jus nosey.  Thas all.

And you know what I did to celebrate (or to self-medicate idk retail therapy can be tricky)?  BOUGHT THE SKIRT AND SOME PANTS.  Y’all.  I can’t even begin to express to you how excited I am for that skirt to COME (and I sure hope I’m not hyping it up for nothing).  It’s BROWN it’s BUTTON-DOWN and oh boy if it fits my waist with no alterations I might just squeal.  And the seller was so nice too; she’s definitely getting a good review.  The pants look super cool, and the inseam is a tad short but I really like the pattern on the pants so I’ll probably just try to cuff them?  If that doesn’t work I’ll just ~resell on a different app for a higher price~.  I’m still searching for my black (and brown) wool pleated pants with pockets at a price of less than or equal to roughly $20, but I’ll be content to search a while longer if I can know for a fact that one I ultimately find will be the best g*ddang pants I’ll ever wear.

Oh!  Oh!!  I also finalized the list of research opportunities I want to apply for this summer, and I’m super excited?  Like, originally, I was planning to apply for, like 16, but I felt that any number over 10 would be a bit overwhelming for my recommenders so I cut it to the top 9 that I was actually excited about.  gbsjkbnkfls and okay so I asked my bio prof and my anth prof both from this past semester to be my recs and my bio prof responded and was all like girl yes I’ll be yo rec and also check out these two other programs and also you wanna be my research assistant in the spring?? and I was like ...girl, what?  YES?!  Let’s chat?  And so we gon chat sometime next week to see if my schedule will line up with what she would like from me.  Granted, doing research on top of a 17-credit semester sounds like a lot lowkey, but I can do it, I’m sure.

Anyway, now I’m just waiting on my anth prof, and I need her to say yes bc I’m applying to some biological anthropology research thingies and her rec, even if it’s the most basic, generic thing, would be super super great.  If she doesn’t respond by tomorrow afternoon, I’ll send her an email through Canvas just in case.  My parents think 14 days should grant them enough time but I wanted to get as close to three weeks as possible.  I don’t think she’d have any reason to say no (especially since I really laid it on thiccc in the inquiry email about how much I enjoyed the class), and while I would love to consciously just make the choice to not worry about that, I’m not that self-disciplined yet, so I’m just going to try and watch the VODs from old livestreams (at some point I’ve gotta watch the destruction of L’Manburg) to distract myself.  Or maybe I’ll read...?

Today I am thankful for a lot of things!  I’m thankful for my mom and how she helped me format my inquiry email(s) (she recommended that I include a chart that detailed the opportunity, due date, and my interest at the bottom of the email and UGH that was such a good idea).  I’m thankful that I made the decision to narrow down my focus to only the top 9 programs I was actually interested in.  I think this will strengthen those applications because I can work on them without the noise of the projects that I was only somewhat interested in.  I’m thankful that I got one yes (and I’m hopeful that I’ll get another)!!  I’m thankful that no one swiped the skirt!  I’m thankful that I’m financially secure!  I’m thankful that I’m going to start seriously working on myself!  I’m thankful that I get to trash these dumb transition lens glasses soon!  I’m just so thankful today!!

Oh, note: So one of the programs I’m applying to will be a computational biology program at my old friend, choice 7(?).  Remember them?  The ones who gave me a full ride out of the blue?  Yeah..  At first I was like,, definitely not going to apply to them because I turned them down, and I couldn’t have them do the same thing to me out of revenge, you know?  Like, they offered me everything, and I broke the relationship off completely.  Originally, I wanted to have the last word.  But like, that’s obviously not a good reason to not apply to an opportunity, especially when computer skills are so important for biologists today and most biology grads really lose out by not taking any computer science courses.  So,,, I’m going to apply.  It’s not high on my priority list, but I figured I should anyway.  I mean, I really like the city it’s in, and I do think it’d be kinda cool to revisit it, you know?  

Another note: I also found a biology program offered by my good old friend, choice 1.  You know, the school I simped for, but I knew they were out of my league, so we had a good run, but eventually had to split?  Yeah.  Well, they were offering a cool project as well, but it wasn’t specifically within my research interests, so I decided to drop them from my condensed list.  Like, sure it’d be kinda cool to explore that city and live on that campus, but... eh.  One major thing I learned while at the fly-in was that the campus exists within a bubble, and the rest of the city is very different from the campus experience.  Different, like, rougher.  And I’m a gal who loves to explore cities.  I’d be all up in the city near my home campus if riding the train wasn’t so expensive and also if I knew how to defend myself.  So, yeah.  I even started filling out an app for them too lol.

Final notes: My choice 3 offers a few REUs but none align with my interests.  My top programs are through natural history museums!  My choice 2 doesn’t offer anything interesting, but honestly they’re not really located in a place I’d like to explore anyway.  I aim to apply to one in Boston!!!!  Man I’d love to live in Boston for a summer.  I desperately need to get that city out of my system, or find out that it’s the perfect place for me to live.  Ultimately, my goal with all of this is to be accepted into at least one program that will help me prepare for graduate school, give me research experience, and allow me to live somewhere new (assuming COVID permits).  Oh.  And to get paid.  I’m out to nab these stipends bruv.

[v3-killing-harmony-imagines]

Application Form

Hello! I wanted to apply to your imagine blog because I like the imagines you do and I’d like to help out if possible! You all seem super nice so that’s a bonus. I had fun writing this ^^. My application is below~

Mod Name: Mod Kaede

Contact: You can IM me on tumblr- @andromnoms, and my discord is andromnoms (at least I think I made a discord just for this) If there’s any issues, please tell me!

Won’t write: NSFW, anything with trans or nonbinary (cause I don’t have experience with that and I think others will do a better job at it than me), angst, certain poly ships- it really depends on who’s in it

Prompt: The girls and S/O ice cream date

~~~

Kaede Akamatsu:

- Who knew she was a big sucker for ice cream? For desserts in general?

- When you mentioned you were craving something sweet, her eyes immediately lit up

- She told you she knew the perfect place, and you happily agreed to follow her

- When you got there, you first noticed how big the shop was

- Like what dessert place needs to be this big

- She noticed your confusion and explained that this place has desserts from all around the world and she comes here often so she could try them all out

-  how is she not fat

- She gives some recommendations, but you tell her you want to eat something she hasn’t tried yet

- You two scanned the shop until you settled on sharing a big bowl of Akutaq (ice cream from Alaska)

- Despite its appearance, it’s actually quite good!

- You can taste all the berries in it, but it isn’t absurdly over whelming

- Kaede agrees!

- You two do that cheesy couple thing where you feed each other the food all the while giggling

- man you love your girlfriend

- Once you finish, you tell her that you really enjoyed the ice cream date, and she’s really happy!

- She offers that you join her on her dessert adventures and you automatically agree was that even a question

- As you head home, you mention that no matter how good desserts are, they’ll never be as sweet as her and you kiss her on the cheek

- “You’re so cliché S/O” she says while giggling

- you’re definitely doing this again

Maki Harukawa

- You knew it was going to be difficult to get Maki to come with you on a date, especially an ice cream one

- But you were on a mission and you were NOT backing down

- You WILL be the cutest couple that ever walked this earth

- When you bring it up to her, she just kinda looks at you and says no

- perfect

- You walk up to her and start poking her cheek

- “Pleeeeease? You never want to go out with me! There’s a new shop that just opened up and I want to take you there!”

- How could she say no to that face

- But of course, being classic Maki, she has to hide how she feels

- “Oh come on. You’re acting like Ouma now.”

- “Well if that’s what it takes, then I’ll happily act like him.”

- She sighs and finally agrees

- she loves seeing your eyes light up when you’re happy

- When you get there, there’s a decently long line, and she groans, but you tell her it’ll be worth it

- You two end up getting Mochi ice cream

- You insist that you two get all the flavors, but she says you two will never eat them all

- So you settle with the standard flavors

- The date is rather peaceful, not much chatting, but being around your girlfriend is enough

- When you finish, you ask her if she enjoyed it

- To your surprise, she says she did (which made you happy) and she would like to do it again

- You give her a quick peck on the cheek and told her you love her

- She was blushing, and managed to say she loves you too under her breath

- score

Miu Iruma

- When you told her you wanted to go out for ice cream, she almost instantly started pouting

- “But I can make a machine that makes ice cream! It’ll be way better than those half-assed ones at the shops!” she said while crossing her arms

- oh boy here we go

- You tell her that you don’t doubt that, but you two haven’t been out in a while and you’d like to take her on a cute date

- She huffs but agrees to go

-  All the way there she keeps mumbling about how you don’t think her inventions are good enough and she’ll just have to prove you wrong

- wink wonk

- You just roll your eyes and smile while grabbing her hand

- The place you take her to is a small but quaint shop

- She demands that SHE picks what you two get in return for forcing her out

- okay Iruma

- After a good 5 minutes of her staring at the menu, she decides to go with Sorbet

- You giggle at her wanting to get something so fruity, since she generally goes for something more hardcore

-“Can it! I put a lotta thought into this, y’hear?!”

- That just makes you giggle even more, which makes her blush. What a cutie <3

- Iruma’s the type of person to steal some of your food if you aren’t paying attention, and you had to learn that the hard way

- Like literally every time you were about to take another bite you could’ve sworn there was more there before. You were getting suspicious

- And her snickering was not helping her case

- So you decided to take revenge

- When you two finish, she opened her mouth to say something but was caught off guard when you started to kiss her all over her face, and left one final kiss on her lips

- She was a blushing mess

- “I enjoyed our date Iruma! We should really go out to eat more, since you seem to love food!” you say with a smirk

- This was the funnest date you’ve had in a while

Angie Yonaga

- You two were like the ice cream gods

- You have been to literally every ice cream shop you could find, and you would come back until you tried everything they offered

- So when you found a new parlor, you’d naturally had to eat there

- “Angie is so excited S/O! We have to try them ALL! All the ice cream!!!” she exclaims while bouncing back and forth, a giant smile painted across her face

- You know you can’t do that. Even if your stomachs were big, there’s just too much to eat all at once

-  You tell her this and she immediately stops bouncing to think

- “Hmhmhm…..God has told Angie to let you pick for us! He trusts you will make the right decision!” she says clapping her hands

- Okay big decision time

- After a while of browsing, you finally go with Granita

- Angie is very pleased with that decision! She knew god was right to count on you!!

- You two got a bowl large enough to share, and immediately started to eat

- It’s always been a competition to see who could finish first. 10/10 times Angie wins. There’s no stopping that girl

- “Nyahaha! It’s okay S/O! There’s always next time!” she says while snuggling up to you

- You laugh and kiss her on her head while pulling her closer

- You two stay like that for a moment, letting the ice cream settle

- She eventually looks up at you and says, “We have to come back and eat the rest!”

- “No questions asked.”

- what a cute girlfriend you have

Kirumi Tojo

- Kirumi doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth, but since she knows you do, she’ll happily oblige to go wherever you want

- This time it’s ice cream

- Lucky for you, she knows of a few places. She lets you pick which one you want to go to

- You pick the closest one since you want ice cream NOW

- When you get there, you get standard ice cream cones, except yours is PACKED with toppings. It looks like it could fall over at any minute.

- “Be careful S/O. I don’t want you getting dirty. Or sick for that matter” she mentions as she studies your cone

- that could be taken multiple ways

- She finished her ice cream quite quickly, but you were having issues with yours…

- It. Won’t. Stop. MELTING!

- “Do you want me to help you with that?” she said while giving you a concerned look

- You nodded and she started to eat some of the ice cream. Of course you didn’t let her take too much.

- With her help, you could finish quite quickly. But your face was covered with chocolate and sprinkles

- Kirumi just giggled and whipped your face off

- “Make sure to be more careful next time, okay?”

- “Okay!” you replied as she kissed your forehead

- good mom

- “We should do this again!” You said as you hooked onto her arm

- “Of course.” She softly smiled

Himiko Yumeno

- Like Maki and Iruma, Himiko isn’t fond of going out. She’s just too lazy. So when you proposed the idea of getting ice cream, she just groaned

- “Do we have to? I’m low on MP right now…”

-  when aren’t you

- “Well, we don’t have to, but I thought you might enjoy it since we’re going to get something sweet.” You say, which is just returned with another groan.

- “Fine… But if I collapse, it’s on you.” She says as she gets up

- On your way there, she clings to you like a koala, which makes it a little hard to walk, but at least she’s willing to go out for once

- She isn’t really picky when it comes to ice cream, so you end up picking for you two

- You decided to get strawberry rolled ice cream, since it’s one of your favorites

- Himiko insists you feed her, so you do

- her face is just too cute

-When you finish your ice cream, she says “I have a little MP now, so I can show a magic trick if you want…”

- Of course you can’t say no

- “Okay!” you say, which gets her to smile a little

- As you were waiting for her trick, she pulls you down a little and kisses you

- You’re blushing because that was not what you were expecting

- “Abracadabra S/O”

- You decide to take her on more dates like this in the future

Tsumugi Shirogane

- You know that when you mention ice cream she’s going to be all for it

- She may even want to go to an anime restaurant for it (and by may it’s a 100% chance possibility)

- If you just want some normal ice cream, she totally understands, though she’s a little disappointed

- You tell her you can go to an anime restaurant tomorrow when you’re more in the mood, and she gives an enthusiastic “Okay!”

- On your way to the shop, she talks about the most recent episode of an anime she’s watching and complains about how obvious the plot twist is and how she thinks the creators could’ve done a lot better with the writing

-  you decide to watch it when you get home so you actually know what the hell she’s talking about

- When you two arrive at the shop, Tsumugi already seems to know what she wants

- She orders Panapp, which surprises you, since that’s an ice cream you could buy at the store

- She explains she doesn’t want anything too fancy

- …..she also likes the faces on them

- You giggle and order some classic vanilla ice cream

- She makes some small talk about what cosplays she’s planning on making next and how if you want to help, you’re free to

- You two may even be able to do a matching cosplay

- You tell her you would love that! But let’s finish the ice cream first

- She giggles and kisses you on the cheek

- “I love you S/O. Let’s do this again!”

Tenko Chabashira

- You’re a little worried about asking her to go for ice cream, since whenever you ask her on a date she immediately retreats

- But today’s your lucky day. She is ALSO craving something sweet

- She’s still a blushing mess, but at least she didn’t run away

- On the way there, she has her eye out for any nasty boys, and you tell her to relax. This is about you two

- She calms down a little, but she’s still a little wary. She holds your hand the whole way there

- Once you arrive, she lets you pick the ice cream, since you know more about this than she does

- You choose to pick Spumoni, since it has a lot of flavors

- You suggest you two share it, and she agrees, even though she’s quite flustered

- “You’re so cute Chabashira- san” you say with a smile

- ABORT ABORT

- She doesn’t abort. Good.

- She tries to make small talk but she’s too flustered to properly say anything

- You tell her to focus on eating, you’d rather watch her

- Queue severe blushing on her part

- You giggle. You’re girlfriend’s just too cute

- When you finish up, you give Tenko a quick kiss after telling her you had fun

- “Tenko had fun too S/O… Can we do this again?” she mutters

- Which gets another giggle out of you

- “Of course Chabashira- san! Anything for you~” you wink as you grab her arm and pull her home

I hope this suffices~ It was really fun to write!

[femslashrevolution]

Love between women written by women-loving women

This post is part of Femslash Revolution’s I Am Femslash series, sharing voices of F/F creators from all walks of life. The views represented within are those of the author only.

Before lesbian fiction, I couldn’t remember the last book I had read. I used to devour books when I was younger, but around high school I started getting tired of the kind of stuff my friends were reading. I needed characters that were more like me, and the ordinary girls chosen to save the world and fall in love with some brooding but (arguably) lovable asshole in the process quickly lost their appeal to my questioning 15-year-old self. Books like Nicholas Sparks’s and John Green’s annoyed me to death. I could’ve sworn I didn’t like romance stories — turns out I’d just had enough of heterosexual romance.

I did read fanfiction. However, if we’re being honest, great fanfiction can be pretty hard to find unless the pairing you want is a really popular one, and we all know most femslash pairings just aren’t. We take what we can get, and when times are tough, lower our standards and scroll through the whole tag on AO3 again.

The day I found out there were books about lesbian romance, I was shocked that I’d never thought about it before. Never, not a single time, had it crossed my mind that just as there are people out there writing endless books about heterosexuals, there are lots of people writing about women who love women too. How would I know if I didn’t see anyone talking about them?

(Disclaimer: by “lesbian romance”, I just mean romance between two women, regardless of how they each identify.)

I started reading the first ones I could find, but it soon became clear that I could pick and choose from a wide variety of genres and authors. I have Goodreads to thank for that — with all the shelves and lists and reviews, it is without a doubt the best place for finding books to read. I spend almost as much time there as I do reading. Especially through lists, I’ve found an overwhelming amount of cool books with lesbian romance (or just non-straight female characters if you’re not exactly a sucker for romance in everything like me).

And the best part: the great majority of them are written by actual women-loving women. Which is a relief, because ultimately, the main reason why I started looking for books was that I was exhausted of being disappointed by television shows. I don’t need to remind you that 2016 was not a good year for lesbian representation in TV (not that the ones before were all that much better). It was either straight up Bury Your Gays trope or just endless queerbaiting. At some point I realized it was better to stop hoping that heterosexual TV executives had our best interests in mind when it came to representaton, because the truth is, they usually don’t. But you know who does? Other non-straight women.

Lesbian fiction writers are, most of the time, women who know what they’re talking about, and who write for people like them. They’re women who dedicate their books to their wives — “You are the reason I know how to write a love story” were Jessica L. Webb’s words. Women whose “About The Author” sections say that they live with their wives and children and/or pets. And sometimes, young women who are just people like us — 20-somethings who watch shows like Supergirl and Wynonna Earp for the femslash. Maybe they even started out by posting fanfiction online — Lee Winter was a popular fanfic writer for Swan Queen before she won a Best Mystery award for her debut novel.

I’ve always been one to talk a lot about the things that I like, especially on Tumblr, but I don’t see a whole lot of people here talking about these books. It’s usually more like the few of us who do begging everyone else to read them. When searching the tags I come across plenty of users saying things like, “we need more f/f books!”, and while it is true that we could always use more femslash, what we really need is for more people to acknowledge the books that already exist, because as I keep saying, there are plenty of them.

The biggest sub-genre of lesbian books in general is, of course, romance. However, since we’re living the age of Young-Adult literature, the YA books about girls who like girls are the ones that are talked about the most. They’re automatically exposed to a much bigger audience; almost every time I come across someone on Tumblr recommending lesbian books, they’re all YA. And YA can be great, but even at its finest, it’s just not everyone’s cup of tea.

That’s where all the other genres come in. There’s plenty of “adult” romance, whether you’re into classics and would like to read some historical romance or you prefer more recent stuff. Pretty much everyone likes a good best-friends-to-lovers story, but there are also enough to satisfy your enemies-to-lovers needs. In books you can also find types of characters we don’t see a lot of in other media: lesbian moms, older lesbians, disabled lesbians…

Enough romance. You like fantasy and also want a little representation? They’ve got you! Paranormal and sci-fi too. I personally love mysteries with badass lesbians. If you’re into fairytales, there are some lesbian retellings that might just be the thing you didn’t know you needed. If you want the novel versions of pwp (porn without plot) fanfiction, the fancy name is erotica and you will find lots of it.

My point is, there’s something for every taste, and I’ve made it my personal mission to spread the word about as many of these books as I can. They make me happy, and in a world where we hear sad news about homophobia on a daily basis, we need these happy stories.

-

About the author: Julia, 20-year-old lesbian from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Currently on vacation from university, devouring one of these books after the other, and talking a lot about them.