#i could write a whole ass essay on that point alone

[shidoukanae]

Paris Valerian but i redesign his dragon form for funsies based on how i see him=. Not sure if I like this design bc im not a fan of bulkier looking dragons but for Paris I think this works??

Some headcanons about this design:

has a bit of a bull-like look bc I associate bulls with persistence and madness and idk that fits Paris well so if Fian has a “fox” motif Paris gets a “bull” one for his dragon form 

His design is based a lot on how a stereotypically evil dragon would look???? Because imo OG!Paris reads as a massive antagonist and I think giving him a look that fits that vibe in his dragon form works!! Especially because he still is an antagonist in a way (though god does he not read that way lmao)

he’s stronger in his dragon form than Fian is and he uses this to his advantage to bully Fian around whenever they playfight as dragons. That said, it seems Paris is surprisingly gentle towards Fian in this form and never hurts him.

he uses this form to intimidate people into getting what he wants. He’s not used to getting retaliated against while in this form and quickly respects anyone who does so (read: Fian, Lyla and Helene)

the silver scales on his body can glow in the same way his eyes do. Typically, he keeps them dull-colored (see above) but if he feels a strong emotion of any sorts they’ll glow brightly without him meaning to (noticeably: they glow constantly whenever Helene is around for obvious reasons~).

[prince-jjae]

Pancakes for Dinner.

pairing; beomgyu/reader.

genre; angst, smut, fluff. (so much fluff, im so sorry.)

warnings; childhood friend!gyu, roommate!gyu, hate sex (kinda, not between gyu and reader), yearning...so much yearning..., one-sided affection (or is it?), toxic!gyu, aggressive!gyu, choking used as an intimidation tactic

jjaes comments; this one is.. kinda wild. its taken me weeks to write this. it rlly kicked my ass. this is a little over 5.5k words of pure angst, yearning and fluff. pls dont let this flop. thanks to my beta readers (wives) @liverspaghett and @hyukascampfire, i wouldnt have finished this without you guys.<3

Living with Beomgyu was a horrible idea. One of your worst, by far.

At first, it seemed like the most logical thing to do. You had been nearly inseparable as children, having spent your whole lives attached at the hip. When the looming task of moving out for college came up, of course, staying with your one and only best friend was the best idea you could come up with. And, of course, he jumped at the chance to have some form of familiarity in such a foreign space.

That was two years ago. Things were simpler, back then.

You huffed out a heavy sigh, forehead pressed against the cool glass of the plane. You were headed back home after a much needed trip away. You went alone, of course, much to Beomgyu’s irritation. You always did everything together, why not this, too? You didn’t have the heart to tell him. You simply couldn’t bring yourself to.

How would you even begin to tell him that you loved him, anyway?

–

It started shortly after you two had moved in together. You found yourself drowning in a pile of schoolwork. Essay after essay, quiz after quiz. One particular assignment had you at your wits end, eyes scanning over the same line of text over and over as if rereading it would help it sink in better than the first 7 times you did so. Your head fell against your desk with a loud thunk, the dull pain behind your eyes mixing with the new pain blooming on your forehead. Before you could lift your head to drop it on your desk again, your door opened with the faintest of knocks and a call of your name.

“Hey… you alright? You're gonna knock any sense you have left right out of your head if you keep doing that,” he snarked. Typical Beomgyu, trying to lift your spirits with jokes and half-hearted insults. You snorted out a humourless laugh.

“This homework is leading me to believe I never had any to begin with,” you replied, voice hollow and irritated. Beomgyu’s smirk fell right off his face. He moved closer to you, brows furrowing in concern.

“Hey, wait– Don’t talk about my best friend like that,” he rushed to soothe you, frowning as pulling you out of your uncomfortable desk chair and into his arms. Even as adults, you two were always a bit too touchy. You couldn’t bring yourself to care as you melted into his hold with ease. Usually, you were a bit iffy about physical affection. As kids, Beomgyu made it a point to make you accept him and his love. It was his life’s goal, apparently. One he had achieved after 6 years of hard work. Now, you were putty in his careful hands. you let your frustrations melt from your body until only comfort remained, comfort only Beomgyu could give you. He always had a way of making you feel better.

He rested his chin atop the crown of your head, rubbing soothing circles into your back, right where he knew all your tension would be held. “You're one of the smartest people I’ve ever known. You’re not only incredibly smart, but incredibly talented. I will not abide by this slander,” he half-joked at the end, trying to ease you into the way he saw you. You just huffed in reply, burying your face in his chest. He pulled back just enough so he could fix your skewed glasses on your face, smiling at you with that same lopsided grin he had when you first met as children.

“Let's take a break, yeah? I think I heard some ice cream and a movie calling our names.”

–

You always knew he was attentive, that he would make his future partner feel like the most cherished thing on the planet. But after about a year of him being attentive with you, you had a horrifying realisation.

Your heart swooping in your chest when he brought you your favourite snacks randomly, surprising you with your favourite coffee before classes, when he would make you pancakes for dinner as a surprise– it was slowly making one thing terrifyingly clear in your head. You didn’t want his attention to be anywhere else. Those thoughts that you had before about him making a future partner happy no longer felt like a pleasant thought, but it had jealousy rolling white-hot in your stomach. You weren't ready for him to dote on someone else the way he doted on you.

Still, you revelled in the feeling for now. Was it selfish to want to keep this, even if it was temporary? Perhaps, but you couldn’t bring yourself to deny him. Especially when he sat on your bedroom floor, back pressed to the side of your bed as you wrote your latest essay, strumming his guitar to fill the air. He was working on a new song, he had said. There were no lyrics quite yet, but the melody he was creating was so.. soothing. It made your head spin with warmth and comfort, but there was a yearning there that you couldn’t help but pick up on. You turned in your desk chair, facing him with your lips pulled into a curious pout.

“What’s it about?” you had asked him, voice gentle and soft as if you were afraid that speaking any louder would disturb the comfortable vibes that had settled over your room. He glanced up from his guitar, head tilted at you like a puppy. Your heart stuttered in your chest, making you glance away. You couldn't maintain eye contact when he looked at you like this, as if you hung the moon and stars for him.

“I’m… honestly not sure. But it seems like it wants to be a love song of some sort,” he replied, looking equally as perplexed. You sat up a bit straighter in your seat.

“Wants to be? Does a song know what it wants to become?” You frowned, confused. Beomgyu was always hard to figure out, even moreso when he became so beautifully poetic like this out of seemingly nowhere. He nodded quickly, soft blond curls bouncing at the movement.

“Every piece of art knows what it wants to become. You just have to let it decide.”

You sat there, stunned into silence. His words hit you in a way you never expected. You thought back to all of your unfinished stories, fictions you had written over the years that never saw the light of day. Only Beomgyu knew about a few of them, not all. After all, how could you tell him that a lot of the stories you wrote were about him? You realised he was right. Whenever you wrote, especially lately, your stories tended to go wherever they wanted. No matter how hard you tried writing various genres, various storylines, various characters.. It always came back to him. It was always him, in the end. You smiled at him, leaning back in your chair as you turned around to complete your essay.

“I think I get it.”

But you didn’t get the chance to tell him. You weren’t brave enough by then.

–

It was 6 months ago when he shattered your internal fantasies. He walked through the front door as normal, tossing his keys in the dish and taking his shoes off. Everything seemed normal, but you instantly knew something was off. Maybe it was the way he seemed a little too giddy today, maybe it was the way his cheeks were tinged red despite the temperate weather outside, but you had a looming feeling that something was about to destroy you today.

You should have trusted your gut.

The news was not surprising, really. That he had a crush on someone and it was going well. No, what gutted you was that it had apparently been brewing for months now, while you were blissfully unaware. You were too busy falling for Beomgyu that you hadn’t noticed him falling, too. But not with you.

Still, he was your best friend. You had no choice but to find joy in his happiness, even if it wasn't shared with you the way you wanted. So you smiled as wide as you were able, congratulating him with as much true happiness as you could muster. He grinned, the smile bright and blinding as he swept you up in his arms, spinning you around. It sliced through your heart knowing that he did all of this platonically.

“God, I really think they’re the one..” he breathed, sounding dazed. He was entirely unaware of the sound of your heart shattering in your chest, nor of the way your fake smile faltered for just a moment.

–

You decided it was time to go on a trip. You needed to get out. Fast. You needed to be as far from Beomgyu as possible, as fast as possible. Luckily you had plenty of vacation time from work built up, and within a few months, you were packed up and ready at the door of your shared apartment.

“Gyu, cmon.. You’ll live without me, right? It’s only for two weeks, and I’ll be back before you know it,” you rushed to console him, even at your own expense. Truthfully, you didn’t want to come back to him. He was absent from the apartment almost all the time now, spending all his time with his new partner. You no longer knew what he was up to, nor how his classes were going, if he was happy, sad, upset. You were a stranger, now. Such an intense change in your dynamic with him became a hot knife in your stomach, carving out your worst emotions and putting them on full display.

It was a tearful goodbye, but not on your account. Beomgyu was a blubbering mess, clinging to your shirtsleeve as if letting go would mean he would never see you again. You rolled your eyes at his dramatics, shrugging him off before ruffling your hand through his fluffy hair as you always did. “Besides, you’ll probably be too busy with your partner to have time fussing over me.”

You knew your words were a low blow, but watching his eyes water and bottom lip quiver stroked your ego just slightly. He frantically shook his head side to side with such a fervour you were sure he would break his neck if he kept going. You placed your hands on either side of his face to still him, his cheeks squishing against your palms. He stared at you with those big puppy eyes you loved, and your heart tugged in your chest. You wanted to kiss him. You wanted to hold him. You wanted to just stay here with him instead of running away like the coward you are.

Alas, he wasn’t yours to do so with, so you pulled away.

Gripping your suitcase, you walked toward the taxi waiting for you, but something gave you pause as your hand made contact with the door handle. You looked over your shoulder, giving him your best, watery excuse of a smile you could muster.

“Be good, okay? Be back soon.”

“You’d better.”

–

If you had some foresight, you would have shut down your computer before you left. Although, in your defence, you were too preoccupied with getting the hell out of the house that you did little to prepare your room for your departure. It really shouldn't be surprising that Beomgyu would go snooping in your room when you weren't there. It was perfectly innocent, he swore! He missed you so much. He needed to be in there to feel your presence again.

It had only been a few days since you had left, and the apartment was eerie without you. He realised just how much you lit up the room when you were there, keeping the apartment’s atmosphere warm and fuzzy with just your presence. He was content with just sitting on your bedroom floor as he usually did. He talked out loud about his day, rambling in his usual way and imagining you were watching with rapt attention and nodding along as always. He caught himself, pressing his lips into a thin line when he realised what he was doing. This was pathetic. He could just call you, but your phone seemed to be off. Not being able to contact you at all times settled a pit deep in his stomach that he didn’t like. His connection to you was severed; cut off at the neck, and he was floundering. He didn’t know what to do without you, so he dragged himself off of your bedroom floor and into his own room, flopping himself face-down on his own bed.

A few hours later, when he realised he couldn’t get a wink of sleep without you, he dragged himself out of bed. If he couldn’t sleep, he could at least do something productive, right? He went back to that song he was trying to write, guitar in his lap and pencil tapping against his plush bottom lip as he tried to concentrate. “Cmon.. let the song write itself..” he tried to coach himself through it, to no avail. After an hour of staring at a blank lyric page, he let out a defeated groan. Moments later, he found himself in front of your bedroom door. He couldn't recall how he ended up there, honestly. He swore his feet followed the familiar path to your room of their own volition. He pushed your door open, eyes fluttering just slightly at the way your scent hit him like a wall. He could feel his muscles release the pent-up tension he must've gained during his poor excuse for rest. Beomgyu sighed as he stepped through the threshold of your room. He wanted to settle on the floor with his back against the side of your bed like he always did, but something tugged at him today.

He sat in front of your computer.

You were a writer. He knew that much. He had read a handful of things you deemed good enough for his eyes, and he was positively enraptured with the way you wove words into intricate stories that tugged on his heartstrings. He was hoping, however selfish that hope was, that he could find something to inspire him into writing that damn song. You always inspired him, so surely your writing would do the same.

He swore he wouldn’t snoop for too long, wanting to find something from you, anything from you to aid him in his songwriting woes- and then he found it. Scrolling innocently through your saved documents, something caught his eyes.

“Pancakes for Dinner..” he read off the screen, the combination of words tugging at something familiar deep in his brain. How could he resist? He clicked the document open.

This work was different from your usual writing. It was in a poem format, and the pacing was reminiscent of a song. He wondered, distantly, just when you had the time to write something so interesting- oh.

2 hours ago.

You were writing this on your trip, probably with your laptop or phone. Something about that fact made his heart sink. You obviously had access to the internet, why weren't you talking to him? Were you avoiding him? It seemed unfathomable, you ignoring your best friend, just as he couldn't imagine ignoring you. Frowning, he pushed himself to read.

“Don't want to be forward, don't want to cross a line

But if I were to crash in this plane tonight,

I'd want you to know this.

Don't want to say too much, intrude on your space

But if I were to crash and I didn’t make it home

I’d want you to know this.”

Beomgyu's heart was in his throat. Crashing..? He hated the idea. You were going to be safe. He didn't even want to entertain the idea of you never coming home to him. You were a fact in his universe. A fixed point. Unchangeable. And here you were, writing about dying? About never coming back to him? He felt sick.

“Oh, and to say it is too scary, so I’ll just say something else

And I wish that you could hear me when I talk to myself

But this plane might not land safely

So, what the hell do I have to lose

If I just tell you?

I wanna eat pancakes for dinner

I wanna get stuck in your head

I wanna watch a TV show together

And when we’re under the weather

We can watch it in bed

I wanna go out on the weekends

I wanna dress up just to get undressed

I know that I should probably tell you this

In case there is an accident and I never see you again

So please save all your questions for the end

Maybe I’ll be brave enough by then.”

Beomgyu was floored to say the least. As always, your way with words was so intricate and amazing that he could do little else but read in awe. Something about it irritated him, though. This felt too.. Intimate. Not for his eyes. He knew he was invading your space, yes, but this felt too personal, even for you. You were always so reserved, keeping your emotions hidden and to your chest. Beomgyu prided himself in being able to read you better than anyone else, and yet.. These words. This song you wrote, these lyrics hit too close to home, somehow. He pushed on, but something nagged at the back of his mind that if he continued, things between the two of you would fundamentally change forever. It was a stupid thought, anyway, so he pushed it aside.

“Don't want to say something wrong

Don't want to be weird

But if you're still in love with her

I think that I’ll leave it there

And I won’t ever tell you this.”

The words felt like ice cold water washing over him, stinging and shocking him to his core. You were in love, weren’t you? It was obvious now that he reread the previous lines. You were head over heels. He should be happy for you, he knew that. He should be ecstatic that you could find someone to feel this way about, but that happiness never came. Instead, something raw and ugly clawed its way up his throat, causing him to push away from your desk and slam the door to your room. He didn’t know why he was acting this way. He didn’t care to know. Instead, he threw himself into anything and everything else, trying to rid your heartfelt words from his mind. You were in love, and all it did was piss him off. He completely forgot about his song, and completely forgot to close the tab he was on.

He spent the following few days in a bit of an angry haze. He was meaner. Rougher. you'd be shocked to see what he had become in the wake of his realisation. Part of him wanted to be ashamed of what he was turning into, but he couldn't find it in himself to give a damn. You were in love, he was dating someone, that was the end of it. So he took his anger out in a way he thought would aid him in keeping his priorities straight.

–

“Gyu, wait- slow down-!” his girlfriend cried, but it fell on deaf ears. He simply growled into her ear and gripped her hips in a bruising hold. He was being too mean, he knew that, but he didnt care. Her voice was starting to irritate him. It didn’t sound right. Her moans didn’t sound as pretty as they did before. This knowledge made him hiss and move harder, fuck her faster; Shoving her head into the pillows to muffle the moans that he usually loved to hear.

“Shut the fuck up, whore. You’ll take what I give you,” he spat, fingers tangling in her hair, shoving her face harder into the pillows as he continued to plough into her. She was using your nickname for him. He knew why she was doing it, wanting to exert some sort of power over you in your absence. It made him scowl, but it wasn't enough to make him stop.

It didn’t matter, in the end. It didn’t matter how often he fucked her. It didn’t matter how many surfaces of your shared apartment that he did it on. It didn’t even matter when he did it in your bed. The rage gripped his heart, unrelenting, leaving a foul taste in his mouth. Maybe he was sick in the head for this, for trying to wash you out of his life. He shouldn’t be acting this way. He knew he shouldn't be. But he couldn't help himself. He couldn't stop the anger from pushing him beyond his usual limits, turning him into something unrecognisable.

It was the day before you were supposed to come home, and he was exhausted. He supposed that the rage-induced fuckfest he found himself in was just his way of blowing off steam. It was fucked up, it was childish, and he was finally coming down from it.

Kinda.

He had the sense to break up with his girlfriend by now, thank god. It was a rough affair, full of screaming matches and scathing words. She was furious, of course. Not that Beomgyu cared. She was going off on a tirade about you, but he was only half-listening. Something about how she was better than he deserved, that she would get him back for this, that he was a jerk. He just kept staring somewhere beyond her ear, waiting for her to be done. Then she made a horrible mistake.

“Its them, isnt it?” Her words were enough to finally knock Beomgyu out of his trance. His gaze sharpened, zeroing in directly on her face.

“What?” He questioned, though his words felt too sharp, too dangerous. If she had any sense, he thought, she would recognise his words as the warning it was and leave it alone. Alas, she was just as dumb as he expected.

“Your roommate. They’re doing this. They’re the reason, aren't they? That bitch-” Before she could get any further insults out, Beomgyu had her by the throat.

“Shut the fuck up.” He almost grinned when she finally had the sense to look scared. He was seething. No one insulted his friend. You were more than just his roommate, you were his best friend. You were his one constant companion, his soulmate. Who was she to get in the way of that? Who was she to insult you; in front of Beomgyu, no less? Was she that fucking stupid?

He had backed her up to the front door, all the while she was spewing apologies and blubbering through her tears. He didn’t care. He stopped caring a long time ago. He only cared about you, he knew that now. He didn’t know how he had ever forgotten it. How could he have forgotten how perfect you were? How could he forget that he only had you?

It wasn't until after he had slammed the door behind her that he finally took a deep breath. It was over. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t feel much about it. She was just a distraction, really. You were his focus. You were always his focus. How stupid was he that he had lost sight of that?

The silence of the apartment rang in his ears painfully. It was taunting him, reminding him of the absence of you. He once again found himself entering your room with little memory of having walked to your door. Here, he could find some semblance of peace. Here, he could delude himself into thinking you were still here; that he could still smell you, feel you, hear you. He glanced at your computer, knowing it was still open to that document. His heart ached in his chest, jealousy eating him alive. How could you love someone else? How did you have the time to? He was almost always with you–

Except he hadn't been, had he? No, he had been too busy with his girlfriend– ex-girlfriend. He felt his chest cave in. You did have time to fall in love with someone. He had nearly done the same. He was such a hypocrite. How could he be angry with you for doing the same thing he did?

He frowned, hand shaking as he moved the mouse to wake your computer screen. He knew your password by heart, typing it in with nimble fingers and bated breath.

“Oh, ‘cause to tell you is too scary

So i’ll just say something else

Like how was fall semester?

And what was that song about?

I’ll try to hide the way I feel, But i’ll just want to shout

Oh, what do I have to lose right now?”

As he read the chorus again, something tugged at his brain. Something was so familiar about it. Even the pre-chorus felt.. Off. What was he missing? He read it and reread it, but nothing popped out to him just yet.

Then something on the screen flickered. His heart lept in his chest, eyes bulging as he watched a different coloured cursor begin to type out words. You were writing this right now. You were abroad, in some other country and yet he still shared this with you. It was almost enough to convince him that you hadn’t left at all, that you were still right here with him. If he focused hard enough, he could almost hear you typing, fingers flying over the keyboard in a flurry of movement like always.

“I think that I should probably tell you this

In case there is an accident

And I never see you again

So please save all your questions for the end

And maybe I’ll be brave enough by then.

Well, maybe I won’t ever say whats in my head

No, I won’t have to say anything

You’ll say it instead.”

That last line haunted him. It echoed in his head over and over. “You’ll say it instead”?

At first, the realisation hit him slowly. Pancakes for dinner, wanting to know what his song was about, being in love with his ex.. You were writing this song about him, weren't you? All these things lined up a little too well with the experiences he shared with you. Then it hit him all at once.

The person you were in love with was him, right? You were in love with him. Your best friend, your roommate, your soulmate. If Beomgyu was shaking beforehand, he was trembling like a leaf, now. This whole time, he was acting out and seething, he spent almost the entire time you were gone in a fit of rage, when in reality he was jealous of himself. He felt both giddy and ashamed. If only he had stayed a bit longer last time he was reading your lyrics. If only he had patience, he would have seen. He would have known that he was the object of your desires this whole time. He felt foolish, embarrassed–

But none of that mattered now. No, what mattered was that you were on your way back to him. What mattered is that you were coming back, and he was never letting you go again.

–

The plane ride back did little to calm your nerves. You had a decent time away, you supposed, but it wasnt the relaxing get-away you were hoping for. You spent the whole time fighting the urge to pick up your phone, wanting nothing more than to fall into the familiar comfort of hearing Beomgyu’s voice in your ears, the dulcet tones smoothing over every frazzled nerve you had. But no, you had to steel yourself. Moving on meant limiting contact.

Beomgyu was like a drug. The more you took of him, the more you relied on his presence, his voice, his touch, his smile. Everything about him was addictive, and you needed to quit. You’d never survive if you stayed so pathetically dependent on him. Quitting cold-turkey almost broke you. Scratch that, It did. It ruined you. You spent the first few days away sobbing into the hotel bed’s pillows, phone safety tucked away in your purse. You promised yourself you would try to find closure.

He loved someone else, plain and simple. You had to move on, not just for your sake but for his. How uncomfortable would he be if he found out about your feelings? Would he think you were disgusting for misunderstanding his actions? For creating this scenario in your head about the life you wished to have with him? Oh, god.. What if he found out about your stories? What if he knew what you wrote about? The scenarios you wove with him in mind were not something you ever wanted him to see. He could never know. He will never know.

You closed the document app on your phone, leaning your head against the window of the aeroplane as a sigh tumbled from your lips. They were bitten and gnawed beyond belief, a habit you had recently picked up as you tried to shove Beomgyu from your mind. The song was your last-ditch effort at putting your feelings from your mind. Maybe if you admitted it out loud, you could move on. Acceptance is the first step, or something like that. You closed your eyes, trying to imagine how the reunion was going to go. Should you move out? Maybe it would be best. The idea of being further separated from Beomgyu made your chest clench painfully, making you shake your head. No, you couldn’t do that. You weren’t strong enough to make that large of a step, even if it was what would save you.

If leaving Beomgyu meant your doom, you would accept your fate with open arms.

–

He was exactly where you expected him to be, standing at the terminal and waiting for you. Though, you knew it wouldn’t take any real effort to pick him from a crowd. You only ever saw him, anyways.

Before you could say anything, his eyes met you and you swore time stood still. Neither of you moved for a few long moments, just staring at each other in awe. Seeing him again, seeing the way his eyes lit up when he saw you, made all your self-respect fly out the window. All the work you had put in during your trip had been knocked down in an instant. How could you ever think you’d be anything other than his? It was written in your DNA, you belonged to Beomgyu, whether he knew it or not. That was your fate. He was your fate, no matter how hard you tried to fight it.

Then the moment broke, and you were being twirled around in a bone-crushing hug. Beomgyu was nosing eagerly at your neck, taking in your scent first-hand instead of your room. He sighed against your skin.

“You’re home,” he breathed, sounding dazed. You understood the feeling, nodding dumbly as he set you down on the linoleum again.

“I’m home,” you affirmed, looking up at him. His hands never left your waist. Normally, you'd have no problem with it but you knew this feeling of greed was wrong. Your hands pressed gently against his chest in a weak effort to push him away. Your heart wasn’t into it. “You have a girlfriend, Gyu, hands off.” Beomgyu scoffed, face hardening at the mention of her.

“Ex,” he corrected, staring down at you with an intensity that had your stomach tensing. “Ex-girlfriend.” He clarified, hands staying firmly planted on your waist. You swore you could feel his thumb stroking your side gently, but you were sure it was just your imagination.

“Oh..? Are you okay–” You couldn’t get any further words out, not when his lips pressed to yours like that. You froze, muscles stiffening under his hold. He paid it no mind, continuing to kiss you senseless. When you finally began to relax against him, he pulled away. Your eyes were wide as saucers, staring up at him as you fumbled for words. “I– you– what–?”

“I’ll say it instead,” He began, sounding just as breathless as you did. When you looked at him with confusion, he just laughed. “That love song I was writing was for you. I didn’t know it at the time, but it was. It was always going to be for you. I make you pancakes for dinner because I know you don't like candies, but still crave something sweet at night. I bring your favourite coffee to you before your classes because I love the way your eyes light up when you realise I memorised your order. I’ll say it instead, because I want you to know that I love you. I’ve always loved you, I think. I just never knew until I thought I had already lost you.”

Your head was spinning. He wasn’t giving you any room to breathe, instead he pressed his forehead to your own, hands moving up to hold your face in a gentle grip.

“You love me too, right? You wrote that for me, yeah? God, please say yes–” This time you were the one cutting him off with a kiss, pressing so fervently into him that his eyes rolled back into his head. This was everything he ever needed and never knew he wanted. He loved you, he would say it every day, every hour. He would be sure to remind you all the time so you never forgot. He needed you more than anything in his life.

“Yes.” You breathed against his mouth before diving right back in. With a single word he knew; he was yours, now and forever.

taglist; @hwanghyunjinismybae @biteyoubiteme @chyuuiung

[cryptidnamedhabit]

Alright, y'all are getting Bowuigi headcanons whether you like it or not because I'm kinda bored and don't know what else to post...

When they first start dating they keep it secret for obvious reasons

Luigi fell first but Bowser fell HARDER

It didn't take long for Kamek to figure out that there was something going on between those two

When he managed to get Bowser to admit it he acted like a smug bastard tbh

He agreed to keep it from being public knowledge until Peach and Mario knew about it

Oh boy... Peach and Mario's reactions......

Peach was worried and immediately interrogated Luigi and Bowser to ensure they were both in their right minds

After she figured that Bowser was being genuine, she was supportive but very hesitant for obvious reasons

First thing she did was establish ground rules for being in the mushroom kingdom and how being a king and Luigis boyfriend didn't give him a free pass for several things

Bowser reluctantly accepted Peach's terms and conditions

Mario, on the other hand....

To say he didn't support the relationship would be an understatement

He immediately assumed his brother was being used by Bowser for another one of his plots

Then he assumed Luigi was being mind controlled by Kamek (he's just there to enjoy the trainwreck from a safe distance)

Mario immediately stopped himself after he saw Luigis sad face

Mario promised to stop saying bad things about the relationship (in front of luigi, at least)

Mario was pretty much acting like a petty bitch about the whole thing

So much so to the point where Dk (they're boyfriends because I said so) had to step in and explain to Mario that he was being unreasonably bitchy about it

Eventually, Mario had to give in, but on two conditions

Bowser had to take a quiz about Luigi at some point and had to write an entire essay about Luigi (graded by Mario, obviously)

Bowser managed to pass (to Mario's dismay)

Anyway, after that was all settled, they could go back to boyfriend things :]

Luigi found out Bowser could purr after Bowser fell asleep and Luigi gave him chin scritches

Bowser was embarrassed after he woke up and Luigi just wanted him to purr again

Bowser purrs when him and Luigi are alone together :]

Bowser legally cannot be left alone in the Mushroom kingdom without Luigi being in close vicinity to him (yes, this was one of Peach's conditions)

Since Bowser is larger than Luigi, he needs to eat MUCH more food than a normal human being does

So if Luigi wants to make something for Bowser he needs to use like 10x the amount of normal ingredients

*cut to luigi cooking a huge ass amount of pasta in one of those big cooking pots*

Mario: Luigi, didn't you say that you finished cooking the food for the mushroom kingdom food drive?

Luigi: I did, this is just a snack for Bow-

Mario: HOW MUCH FUCKING PASTA DOES ONE TURTLE NEED!?!?!

Bowser is less easy to anger after he starts dating Luigi

Which means a lot because, well, it's BOWSER we're talking about here

The entire Koopa Kingdom warms up to Luigi pretty quickly

Since Bowser is taller he takes bigger steps while walking, which means Luigi pretty much has to speedwalk or lightly jog to keep up with Bowser

Eventually Bowser notices this and just starts carrying Luigi on his shoulder anywhere they go

Sometimes Bowser will slow down his own walking if Luigi doesn't want to be on his shoulder

[sidsinning]

I could write an essay about how much I love my GOAT Toji seriously

Like he represents everything a jujutsu socerer shouldn't be and uses EXACTLY those traits to solo both the socerers and the curses they work so hard to exorcise

The fact that he has NO cursed energy at all, what made him worthless in the Zenin clan's eyes, was exactly what sealed all their fates in losing to him is an INSANE twist to pull

(Yes there's Maki, but she feels more like she's trying to work within the system despite her limits (like the glasses she wears to adapt), unlike Toji who is totally free due to overwhelming raw senses alone)

His introduction opened up a whole new way to see the power system of cursed energy while making complete sense with what has been established, for me at least

(I wasn't super interested in the jjk power system personally until Toji showed how its strengths can be the user's own weaknesses if exploited properly)

He is an iconic infamous stain on both the socerer world inside of JJK and to one of the most important characters which kicked off the whole plot

He EASILY solo'd the world's most powerful socerer at the time- someone who represents everything that is the opposite of himself- with base planning and strategy

Didn't break a sweat the entire time

But despite all this power he has, despite the reputation he has for his strength, despite seemingly killing the world's strongest socerer at the time- the man was a deeply depressed and jobless bum

He is not any happier before or after his assassinations are done

Feels good in the moment then he's back to his life doing nothing but gambling his money away until the next job

This man who has beaten everyone of every age and species now in the series (he said these hands are rated E for everyone) was actually a WIFE GUY

He was living a shitty life in his clan who abused and feared him but found fucking LOVE and turned his ENTIRE life around for ONE PERSON to be a normal man, even having a child with her

And after she dies he spirals into deep depression, to the point he is incapable of being a good father; he knows on some level that his mental state is so bad he couldn't take care of Megumi properly- THAT is how DEEPLY he loved this woman

HE SOLD HIM THO WHICH IS TERRIBLE

BUT AGAIN

Showing how he's shit (making money from it) but also tries in his own way (I'm too mentally fucked up so a proper family should take care of him)

Then just looking into Megumi's eyes during his zombification knocks his consciousness back into himself, showing if there was one thing he truly cared about during his final moments, it was his son

Then sacrificing his life for his son in the end without asking for anything but his name to rest in peace

BUT ALSO HE MURDERS EVERYTHING WITHOUT REMORSE LIKE?

THE JUXTAPOSITION????

Literally kills teenagers and even during his final moments and his comeback he doesn't give a shit

Like he did a crazy anime fight to kill Gojo which was brutal but still a cool magical fight to watch

Then he fucking snipes a teenage girl in the head with a gun

A plain gun

No crazy stunts

No regrets

THE GOAT? 😭

ALSO THE WAY YOU CAN TELL GEGE LOVES HIM LOL

You could easily write his zombie ass out of the Shibuya Incident Arc but the man wanted to draw him again so bad he made room for necromancer granny to kick start the GOAT's return for a hot sec

HIS FIGHTS ARE SO COOL LIKE HE DON'T GOTTA RELY ON ANY SOCERER SHIT JUST HIS HANDS AND AN INVENTORY ON HIS SHOULDER ARE ENOUGH ITS SO RAW THAT HE CAN GO HEAD TO HEAD WITH WIZARDS AS JUST A DUDE AND WIN

[alaskan-wallflower]

dude i hate the chubby kyle headcanon so much like i really hate it and it’s not because i have anything against chubby headcanons in general (i hc stan, butters, clyde, and sometimes bebe as being chubby) it just does NOT make any sense to me based on his actual character. he’s canonically very athletic. and as for the diabetes thing some of these people actually have no idea how diabetes works. he has TYPE 1 DIABETES and people with t1 diabetes are more often than not thin/underweight because they don’t produce insulin which converts glucose to energy and they can’t regulate blood sugar levels so instead their bodies burn fat and muscle rapidly for energy instead. also overweight people with t1 diabetes are at higher risk of developing serious heart issues and double diabetes, so i don’t think sheila would feed and spoil him to that point. little science lesson for you all. but lately i’m realizing i think the real reason i hate it so much because makes him look like and have the vibes of kyle schwartz who’s entire existence serves as an over the top stereotype meant to be a foil to kyle who is not a stereotype. why is chubby kyle is always fucking portrayed with some gayass sweatervest on. if people really desperately want their chubby, nerdy, IBS-having, sweatervest wearing, investment banker jewish boy kyle s. is RIGHT THERE. there’s also a million other jewish characters in media that are canonically portrayed that way so can we please just have this one. kyle s. even refers to kyle as a redneck jock!! which he isn’t of course but obviously it would seem that way to kyle s, who is everything this fandom tries to force kyle to be. god sorry for ranting, i’m lowkey expecting to get flamed in the notes but we ball

…honestly yeah. me as well.

i’m a bit of a biology nerd myself. it’s a special interest of mine. i have family with diabetes (albeit type 2) and my father is a diabetes specialist. so i believe i’m qualified to talk on behalf of the diabetes aspect. not only does it make more sense for kyle to be underweight but it’s also spreading the false narrative that everyone with diabetes is overweight when that isn’t the case. apologies for the upcoming ramble. but t1 diabetes is typically childhood exclusive. it’s diagnosed at a young age for the most part, especially as seen with kyle. type 1 means that no insulin is formed at all. like…none. like anon said. and don’t think i’m regurgitating what they said. i could literally write up a whole ass essay on how to write kyle’s diabetes and i will if you guys want. i think many people think of type 2 diabetes when writing kyle. the difference between type 1 and type 2 is that people with type 2 diabetes can actually make insulin. but it isn’t enough to fully cancel out the sugar levels in the body. type 2 is also more often than not a somewhat curable disease. you can get rid of type 2 in some cases. you can’t get rid of type 1. and yeah. like anon said. i think sheila cares more about kyle’s health than she does about spoiling him with food.

and yeah. i guess the argument that ‘Ph BuT hEs OnLy 7 lBs lIgHtEr tHaN cArTmAn’ but you can really only say that he’s overweight if you know his height too. they look to be the same height. but you don’t know his exact height therefore you can’t make a case for or against it. like comparing someone who’s 5’6’’ and 120 lbs and someone who’s 5’1’’ and 127 lbs has a BMI difference of more than 6 units. cartman could be shorter. it’s hard to say. but yes. i agree with anon. i hate the chubby kyle headcanon. flame me in the notes. i don’t care. leave anon alone though. shit on my behalf. not theirs.

also yeah . it’s stereotypical as fuck. it’s kinda gross at some point. i agree with anon tho about chubby butters and clyde. maybe stan too because his father insists on feeding him ‘rich kid food’ but yeah. they’re right about kyle s. too. kyle s. is right there. or there’s mort from family guy. go slap your based hdcs on them ig. leave kyle b. out of it. the stereotype that all nerds are chubby and weak is overdone especially when it’s done to the only jewish kid in the show (kyle s doesn’t exist in fanon clearly.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 11 thoughts

okay!!!! i've kept you waiting long enough. now let's get into the things i liked about this episode while ignoring the stuff i didn't.

first. mulder walking into his office. and scully sitting there in the dark, watching a tape.

this had me HOWLING. how did she get in there? she keeps a key to his house and his office on hand at all times? the level of casualness with which he turned on the lights only for dana scully to be sitting in his office chair, as if it were the most natural of things in the world, floored me. she made herself welcome. she looks up and says hello.

then we get a little lore break to learn about the case and yeah yeah case stuff hold on. did she just say she got there at 6 am?

yes, you heard me correctly, she made her way into his office at 6 in the morning to watch the video and go through all of the related x files. i think i had tears in my eyes at this point and i definitely do now as i recount it. dana scully you are such a little weirdo and i love you so bad. i hope you enjoyed your time rummaging through his stuff. glad his space has really become yours as well.

and his entire lack of reaction to her being there pushed me even further over the edge. like, sure. at this point in their relationship, why not walk in to see her sitting at your desk and going through all your shit? the level of casual intimacy is at once so fucking funny and so heartwarming.

(a few weeks ago i was chatting with a friend about our top five favorite fictional characters, and i made the argument that scully and mulder ought to count as just one character for the sake of the ranking, because of how entirely they blend into one person. and her just being there when he opens the door- and having been there for hours at that point- really solidifies my reasoning. and i had made that argument BEFORE seeing any of s2, let alone this moment)

the next moment that had me laughing was when they went to the convalescent home (which wasn't a word i was familiar with before all of this) and our poor agents get stuck questioning a 74 year old man during his bath time. i already had a "oh noooo" feeling of dread about the whole situation- for how could the academy prepare them for this? and sure enough, he flashed them.

now, this was, like i mentioned in an earlier post, part of an attempt at social commentary that i could and might write an essay on- but let's set that aside here, and just deal with the fact that our poor agents have been put into such an awkward position, while understanding that the scene is being played for comedic value despite how awful that would be irl. because mulder smiles and says "thanks for sharing", while scully also bites back laughter. their faces at this moment had me laughing. it was such a "fuck my entire life" moment for both of them and i felt that extreme case of tv show-induced secondhand embarrassment.

and i think they handled it quite well!!! have we considered giving them a raise? for having to deal with all the haunted children and now creepy old men? god. their poor eyes. "thanks for sharing" stfu mulder... he cannot act seriously for ONE minute!!!!!!

there was another big ass coats moment when they walked outside and spoke with someone involved in running the program. and you know by now that's catnip to me!!!

one of the old men starts choking to death (he was taking mushroom pills he wasn't supposed to) and scully slips into Doctor Mode and it was deeply satisfying to watch. she starts saying fancy words and calling out for certain medications- "this man's in ventricular fibrillation, i need 75 milligrams of lidocaine and one amp of amphinephrine" and i'm sat there like yes. exactly right!!! she's doing serious doctor business!!!!

(i need to edit this image to make it appropriate for when her doctor mode takes over. because this is what i'm always referencing when i say someone is "shifting into ____ mode" and i don't think i've ever spelled that out before so i should here. have not seen seinfeld just saw this image one day and it permanently altered my vocabulary)

there's another moment where she's having a doctor-off with the dude who worked at the place and she said the line "the clinical benefits are marginal at best" and idk man i just like to see her doing her doctorly thing.

(she also gets very doctorly excited about the idea of there being improvements for incurable conditions such as alzheimer's and it's good to see some joy on her)

next thing that had me laughing:

"are you saying that the building's haunted? because if you are, i think you've been working with me for too long, scully" <- said in a flirtatious manner

don't remember what was going on at this point beyond someone had just fallen to death, but i wrote "another scully serving looks moment in the midst of tragedy" and i stand by it. this is really an epidemic. scully stop working angles in front of the dead... or don't because i'm not actually complaining <3

we also see mulder prowling down a dark and damp hall and cracking open a lock to break into a room. which seemed like a typical activity for a guy like him. literally just a tuesday in his life. he found a bunch of mushrooms and i made a frantic note reading along the lines of DO NOT TOUCH THEM because famously mushrooms WILL kill you but he seemed unharmed. thank god.

he's all, what if the mushrooms are what is helping the patients, and scully delivers this banger line: "mulder, mushrooms aren't medicine. they taste good on hamburgers, but they can't raise the dead"

which is 1. a hilarious fucking line just for its sheer ridiculousness, and 2. a critical insight into how scully orders her burgers... which i WILL be adding to my list of useless character facts

the episode winds down with mulder getting trapped in a room with rapidly rising water and we see the door SLAM right before scully can witness the ghosts tossing things about. and the commitment to that gag of her never actually seeing the paranormal stuff really got me there.

then, the door breaks due to the water, and everyone is soaking wet, which is always a good look.

overall, highlight of this episode to me was by far scully breaking into his office at 6 am. nothing will top that for me in terms of comedic value. it has become Her space now. she has claimed you mulder, there is no going back, you are in far too deep and thank god for that because you freaks deserve each other.

[roxannepolice]

k so i have a screenwriting project for drama, 30 min short film, i have like Some ideas but they're not good. you mention in my notes that in Romanian folk Christianity that God created Satan because he was lonely, that's compelling, could you share more? Could you give me research jumping off points?

Hi, sorry it took me a moment, but, again, craziest week in a while and it's not even because of DW.

But yeah, there appears to be a general idea of some kind of fraternal/co-creative relation between God and Satan in some folk Christian traditions. Arguably it's more the case of older myths getting a Christian makeover (sth sth Odin and Loki being blood brothers). Still, we end up with Satan and God hanging out amicably by the sea while bishops excommunicate each other over whether the Holy Spirit comes directly from the Father through the Son or simply from the Son.

The guy where I got this from was Mircea Eliade and he sort of applies jungian psychoanalysis of collective unconscious to religion. The specific essay is available on Internet Archive (my beloved) on pages 78-124. It's titled Mephistopheles and the Androgyne or mystery of the whole. Just fair warning, Eliade was writing in the first half of the 20th century and some of his vocab may be... not on par with modern sensitivities especially on Tumblr? He's not intentionally insulting or anything, just uses words like "gipsi" or presents male and female as discrete opposites or his information may be more anecdotal than thoroughly researched. So just. fair warning. It's brilliant in terms of finding general stories and their interpretations, so I hope it will be useful.

Some good bits (sorry, no quotes, the pdf is not editable):

Romanians have God and Satan be brothers or Jesus and Satan both be children of God

Ethiopians have a Saint and Devil-Woman be siblings (he ends up praying to Jesus for strength to murder his sister)

Peoples of Altai have God create the Devil by spitting on the Waters after exclaiming "If only I had a brother, I would make the World!". Then Satan suggests they be brothers and create tWorld together, but God answers "We will not be brothers but companions"

Romani of Transylvania have God be "unhappy alone" and admitting They don't know how to create the World, hence creating the Devil

Finnish version has God ask Their reflection in Waters how to create the World

Bulgarians dead ass have God see their shadow and tell it "Get up, comrade!" Satan then asks God to split thr Universe between them

Bottom line: knowing that this is the shit I've been into since I was a teenager, imagine what finding thoschei and especially tensimm did to my brain.

[xcryinginguccix]

Buckle up nerds, today were doing something fun.

Do y'all remember that very tiny game from Bethesda, the one that came out in 2011 called Skyrim?

Well on tonight's episode I'm ranking quests. Not all of them, just the big faction quests. I'm not that insane (yet, it will come eventually).

I can't believe I'm making a Skyrim post in 2024.

Anyways, let's dive in (spoilers ahead)

Number 5: Collage of Winterhold

Well... I have some opinions. It's underwhelming to say the least. I expected to learn some extremely fun spells, schemes, mystery and general feelings of walking into the coolest campus you have ever seen. What we got was... meh.

You could breathe towards Tolfdir and he would still call you the greatest mage in the history of mages. You can find more magic going into a random cave somewhere near Riverwood than you will find AT THE MAGIC SCHOOL. You also, don't learn anything... Or at least anything of value, and then the principal dies and you take his job. You can literally complete this quest with no more than 3 basic spells in your arsenal. Bethesda should fix this quest line instead of re-releasing this game every 6 months to upgrade the visuals of a single tree. Anyways let's go to the next one, this one is just getting me angry.

Number 4: Civil war shenanigans

Stormcloaks

Ahhh civil war. Viva la Revolution... Expect from no.

If 10 year old me was ranking it, it would be much higher (let's just say my tiny brain didn't understand what "Skyrim belongs to the nords" implied). Generally said it's a pretty solid quest. Ulfic sends you to kill some ghost in order to prove yourself, the Whiterun attack is fun, genuinely pushing against Imperial legion by doing some smaller scale attacks is fun, concerning Solitude was great... And you get a pretty funky bear armor. I like funky drip.

Pretty solid but I don't like nationalism sorry. So on the other hand we have...

Imperial legion

... I think this is one of the few games where I agree on pushing against the revolution. Too bad those guys also suck ass... It's like European politics, I'm choosing the lesser evil.

Generally this questline is pretty similar to the previous one, with the exception that you're fighting in some other areas. Defending Whiterun is extremely fun, I love this city so much. All my points from the last one stand, except this quest has worse drip but more enjoyable npcs.

Also lmao Ulfric fucking dies x D

That alone makes it a better branch.

Number 3: Jorrvarskr questlines

Oh yeah, it's lycanthropy time baby.

This questline is fun, so much fun. You get introduced to the gang right outside of Whiterun while they are trying to fight off a giant.

Fun dungeons, fun story, extremely enjoyable npcs. Progressing the companion quests enough will allow you to turn yourself into a werewolf, which is an automatic bonus for me. Going nuts on a random dragon in werewolf form will never stop being funny.

Also you can marry Aela and for that I would french kiss Todd Howard on his corrupt mouth. Live laugh love Jorrvarskr. Solid stuff.

Also if you suddenly decided that you "no no wanna :(" be a werewolf anymore you can heal yourself by... Cutting off a hags head and preforming a cleansing ritual with it.

Yeah no I have no idea how that would work but sure.

Number 2: The dark brotherhood

Words cannot describe how much this questline had me in a chokehold at the ripe age of 10.

This is so so so good. I love egdy shit. This questline starts as a banger from the introduction. I will never forget the feeling of walking into this creepy ass house in Windhelm, and seeing a child doing a ritual.

So much fun stuff right off the gate. I could write an essay about his whole questline. Fun missions, plotting and scheming, funky assassinations that get progressively harder with each contract and the plot twist and the end... Just the right kind of edge I always need. I love it so much.

Each of the members of the dark brotherhood have so much charisma. You get an emo horse, and a wonderful looking armor. Evil twink Cicero forever in my heart.

And finally, creme de la creme... Number 1: Thieves guild

My. Fucking. God.

There is a reason why I choose any type of rogue class anytime I play anything. This whole quest is living rent free in my head.

The introduction, the location, the npcs... The collage of Winterhold WISHES it had an atom of greatness this quest has.

I love everything about this questline, from start to finish. Every time I see Brynjolf in the market of Riften my heart gets filled with genuine happiness. The whole thing with the Nightingales and Mercer and KarIiah. I love how you can bring back the thieves guild to its former glory once again.

Every single npc is fun to talk to. When I say that I remember almost no one from the shitty wizard academy quest, I meant it. This tho, all of them are engraved in my mind.

Also, you can get ultimate drip, which is the Nightingale armor.

Best armor in the game, argue with the wall you cannot change my mind.

God I love thieves. God I love the guild.

Anyways that's all. Someday I will rank all the daedric quests once I'm bored at 4am again (spoiler alert: The mind of madness is in first place). If you want to change my mind... Well you won't bc I played this game since I was a child.

Special thanks to Todd Howard for my gay awakenings: Aela and KarIiah.

[magnetarbeam]

Trying to develop a complex interpretation of Ahsoka can be a real bitch sometimes, especially when I'm so ADHD I can rarely even watch a show, let alone analyze data from it.

I'm trying to let go of the perception of her as somehow being a perfect Jedi, that as far as I can tell arose post-TCW. She is an inherently selfless and compassionate individual, and she was brought up with the lessons of any Temple-raised Jedi, but her entire apprenticeship was spent as a soldier. Sure, Jedi aren't supposed to be that, but I really imagine that that's less important to her than the fact that Jedi are that now. It's not long before she's putting everything she has and more into fighting because if she doesn't, it'll mean people die that she could have saved. Especially for the clones, since almost nobody other than the Jedi will put in any amount of effort to save them.

(When I talk in this context about whether or not she's a good Jedi, I'm trying to do so in the context of how it's defined at the time, instead of the philosophy of the ass-end-of-Legends New Jedi Order that I often write her in in time travel scenarios. Her relation to that is a whole separate essay.)

Coming of age in this environment limits the amount of stuff she's able to learn about the role that Jedi are supposed to have. She's less of a negotiator because that skill is in a lot less demand than it was five years ago.

And she's good at fighting. For all that I hate the extent the show goes to display it (I'm not even gonna get into all the levels of bullshit the Marg Sabl thing is) the point is that she is naturally talented as a fighter and a tactician. I think this feeds into one of her major flaws: Her pride.

Losing her squadron over Ryloth is a failure that I used to dismiss as just a natural result of a teenager being shoved into a military command position with no training at all. And sure, it might not have happened if she had been trained, but the point lies in the fact that she thought she could complete the objective herself. There are a few layers to this, I think.

My specific headcanon is that Ahsoka had the top saber combat scores of initiates for three years before the war. She learned from the best pilots in the Order in Anakin and Plo. You also could throw in something about her having killed an akul and taken its teeth for her headdress, proving herself as an adult by Togruta customs, at an exceptionally young age. The effect is that at this point, she's let her skills go to her head, and she assumes she can do it instead of actually thinking it through.

(Had she been trained, I think she'd at least have remembered that she's in an interceptor with no missiles, and that even a heavy bomber like a Y-Wing doesn't try to 1v1 a frigate, let alone a Lucrehulk.)

When she first met Anakin, he initially rejected her, and I think that left her with a fear of disappointing him that she never totally got over. She feels like she needs to constantly prove that she's good enough for him, that she won't just slow him down. The canon from the Jedi Apprentice novels about aging out of the Temple and stuff is... very questionable at best in its logic, especially considering how the TCW movie frames it as Ahsoka probably being actually too young to be a padawan, but I like to use it in my headcanon because it implies that her assignment to Anakin was basically Ahsoka's last hope for being a Jedi, and that further punctuates this fear of rejection and also emphasizes their similarities in terms of both being reckless and aggressive and insolent and the kind of traits that probably make the Order see them both as disasters just waiting to happen.

Obviously Ryloth is a pretty big slap in the face for her, and she does get more reasoned and careful in her approach as time goes on (compare her first and second times on Felucia, for example) but that kind of... self-obsession, I guess, never totally goes away.

The way the GAR is structured doesn't help here, where she's often the only Jedi around to block blaster bolts and make decisions that actually minimize casualties.

Later on, it's less "I won't fail because I haven't failed before" and more "I'll do it because I have to do it to save lives, and I'm the only person who can and will do it." This is even more of a thing when she's fighting to depose Maul. The Mandos (Bo-Katan in disney canon or Spar in my more Legends headcanons) need a Force-user to fight a Force-user, and who knows when or if the broken Senate and Order are going to decide to do anything about it.

Where someone like Obi-Wan might have tried to reason with Maul first, Ahsoka sees that Maul's already done the stuff he has, concludes that he's beyond reasoning, and doesn't give away her position to try to talk him down.

I'm sure I'll come up with more to say here, but I've been typing for like an hour and a half and my attention has moved on.

[astriwilt]

So I’m rewatching The Sopranos for the third time and omg Caitlin deserved so much better. She was struggling with bad mental health issues and everyone treated her like shit.

ESPECIALLY FUCKING NOAH. MAN’S FATHER GOT A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST CAITLIN BECAUSE NOAH GOT A C AND NOAH THINKS THAT WAS A REASONABLE COURSE OF ACTION. NOAH YOU COULD HAVE TOLD HER TO LEAVE.

Now I can’t talk about Noah without mentioning Tony’s racism. Tony is a racist piece of shit and judged Noah based on his race instead of his character. That part has been analyzed to death though and everyone knows Tony is a raging racist asshole. What I wanna talk about is Noah’s character; which is what he should be judged on and not the color of his skin.

NOAH FUCKING SUCKS.

But in all seriousness; besides showing the audience how deep rooted Tony’s racism is….I think Noah served another purpose. To show the audience half assed “love and understanding” if that makes sense. I’ll explain it better: the first scene we see after Noah and Caitlin are in the same room; Noah is alone with Meadow and is talking to her about how they should just be patient with Caitlin. She’s far away from home and has obvious mental health problems. Meadow even comments about how caring and understanding Noah is and how “most guys wouldn’t even give a shit”. Then later Caitlin comes to talk to Noah while he’s studying. Noah lets her in; and then Caitlin talks so much that Noah can’t concentrate and gets a C on his assignment. Does Noah have the right to be mad? Yes. But should he also understand that Caitlin is literally mentally ill and that he was the one who let her in? Yes. Instead of being bitter about it for a bit he decides that his father’s restraining order is an appropriate response and bashes Caitlin for always intruding on him and Meadow. So kids, what does this say about Noah? It says he only cares when it’s convenient. He only cares until he sees how bad mental illness can be. Meadow has this problem as well; she was an absolute bitch to Caitlin at times…but at least with Meadow there was still some real concern there instead of virtue signaling. Noah’s character is a great example of how people treat mental illness. They’re all for supporting people going through it until they truly see the ugly side of it…..the illness part. If you’ve watched The Sopranos and seen how Noah acts then you know DAMN WELL this guy would say something like “We should do everything we can to help people struggling with mental illness 😢” if he was asked about the topic. But as soon as it affects him in the slightest way it’s a different story.

So is it unreasonable for me to write a whole essay about a guy who was kind of an asshole in a show about murderers and gang members? Yes, it absolutely is. But also people tend to be pissed off easier by a fictional character they’re more likely to meet in real life than ones they aren’t. I’ve met a lot of Noahs but I haven’t met many mafia members LMAO. Also for all the theatric anger in this post….the point of this post was to applaud The Sopranos here. Like I said before it’s an amazingly accurate representation of how people are mental health allies until they actually see how mental illness works. It was just so beautifully accurate and beautifully portrayed. So with that all being said:

[tallulah477]

Hi tallie!

I have a few questions-

So I'm thinking of writing a Lyle wainfleet x miles quaritch x oc multiple chapter story-

So the little plot i have is after the sea dragon sinks and miles and lyle make it out alive, they make it to land, meet my oc, and she teaches them the na'vi ways and everything-

So do you have any tips on making a good mauti chaptered work?

Also any tips on a three way sex scene?

I hope this isn't to much to ask for!😅

Thank you! 💕

Roomie, I'm sooooo here for this story already OMG

Also, you could never ask for too much - I'm always here to help and my DMs are always open too 🧡 I just hope my essay of a response isn't too much LMAO

I honestly can't say I have that much experience writing multi chaptered works so idk how helpful I can really be, but usually for my works I try not to go in blind because I can write myself into a corner like that. Sometimes, I can have a vague idea and it drives itself. But most of the time I need to have an outline to follow, even if I end up deviating from it eventually. And I would def suggest an outline for a multi chapter fic.

But my brain is so messy and so are my outlines lmao so idk if you're an organized person or not, but your outline totally doesn't have to be if you don't want it to be. I would say, whatever you can think of in that moment, write it down. Literally whatever pops into your head - whether it's a scene, a specific detail you wanna remember to mention, a line of dialogue, an entire conversation. Sometimes I end up writing whole ass scenes in my outline and then just copy and paste it into the doc and edit it 😂

I would suggest outlining what you want to happen in each part, specifically how you want it to start and where you want each chapter to end so you know exactly where you're trying to get to with each chapter. Are we ending on a cliffhanger, or a point of relief after a tense scene? It also helps with not rushing through/dragging the fic too much, I think.

If you don't mind me getting specific with your idea, I'd love to see how messed up Lyle and Miles are after the battle on the sea dragon. Their entire team just died (again) and they barely made it out with their lives themselves. I'm not 100% sure about Lyle cause we don't really get too close him during the movies, but I know Miles is going to have some raging emotions to get through because Spider chose the Sullys over him and left him there alone (if you decide to keep it canon like that). So I think that would be really fun to explore.

Then you can introduce your OC and go through whatever tension there's going to be between the recoms and her/her clan cause I doubt either one is going to trust each other right away so there might be some (or a lot) of hostility. Either way, it would be really fun to see how their feelings and emotions evolve on both sides, but especially for Lyle and Miles as they switch from their human marine conditioning to learning and appreciating the Na'vi way of life. It would def be a different learning experience from what we see in the first movie with Jake because even though Jake was also human/marine, he was wayyyyy more open to everything Na'vi than the recoms.

That's just my thoughts anyway - obviously everything is up to you! Honestly, you have a fantastic plot and there's so many directions you can go with this, so this is a great concept for a multi chapter fic.

TLDR: Outlines and details are your best friend 😂

For threesomes, I really try to keep the focus fairly equal between everyone. It's a little jarring sometimes when a character is completely forgotten about and then all of a sudden is there again, so try to go back and forth as best as you can to make sure no one is left out. So if you're OC is riding Lyle and thinking about how big his cock is inside of her, make sure she also feels Miles biting her shoulder from behind or pulling her head back to kiss her just so he's not just standing there like🧍‍♂️

Don't be afraid to use names either. Best to overuse than for your readers to get lost with who is who, imo.

Although eventually OC may be too overwhelmed and lost in sensations and might not know who's hand is who's and who's cock is pressing where but she doesn't care cause she needs to cum right now

Depending on how you wanna do your threesome too depends on how you set everything up cause they can be more like a train where one person mainly fucks OC while the other is just the helper and then vice versa, or you can do double penetration where they both have their own hole at the same time (or the same hole if you're feeling a little crazy lol)

This is so long, I'm so sorry LMAO

[silver-wield]

I want to wash my eyes, today I saw for the first time the indoctrination files c/rith gives to their audiences. I saw a new player waving it around as proof. Selected ultimania quotes and of course, essays. I like how they write down ways to argue with clotis and zeriths. Such as, "if they say C isn't himself as soldier C, tell them A is the only one who can bring out the "real" him as shown in part 1". They keep repeating the "real" part again and again and trying to emphasize the appeal of the crackship which is ~healing~

No wonder they thrown toriyama away for directly stating C only shows his real self with T ONLY and unlike them I'm not going to put " marks on the word real. And no wonder they hate T with a burning passion because she actually does heal him.

If they include AC and say she heals there? First, C's ultimately the one who forgave himself of his guilt, let's not forget that because they like to erase that part and that everyone, T, A, and Z are part of that process of reminding him that it has to be him. And geostigma is her direct responsibility as a steward of the planet nothing singled out there.

They like to manipulate and rely on the player's laziness to look for information (what are they? Fucking Jenova?). Even to give ways to "fight" back. No wonder they all sound the same. Ugh I just realized the existence of LTD and ship wars in FF7 is giving the illusion that nothing is canon even if CT have more sources than any other ship in FF franchise. It gas lights them into thinking nothing is canon even if it's quite literally right in their faces.

P.S. I fcking hate with a burning passion how anybody gives interpretation essays as proof. Or media tropes and fan service as proof of canon. No wonder sometimes I see some former C/As getting angry at their creators because what they have are only interpretation instead of in game content.

Yeah they all have this weird shared doc they use to argue from that's basically just more lies and bullshit because it's all incorrect info and shit translations they skewed in their favour.

At no point does it say anywhere that aeri brings out Cloud's real self.

It's this quote they lie about. They claim Cloud being "conscious" is him being his real self while Tifa wants a soldier or whatever garbage they make up to ignore the proper text.

I could go into a whole thing over AC using the script and ultis to show what those idiots claim is total bullshit, but the short version is Aerith didn't do fuck all except trigger Cloud's trauma. She wasn't actually present for most of the film, even in the scenes she's shown in, and she didn't cure geostigma.

Ideky the devs put those stupid ribbons on everyone for someone they knew for three weeks two years previously. It makes no fucking sense to be mourning still.

I really want a rewrite of AC. It needs fixing so badly.

I'm honestly so tired of people acting like Aerith is bigger than god and nobody's allowed to say anything bad about her. She's not even a good character. She's selfish, spoiled, her job role in battle can literally be taken by every other character, she doesn't listen to anyone, whines, acts like she's the leader and everyone should do what she says because she exists, she harasses Cloud in ways that are so not ok but because she's a girl and "cute" she's somehow exempt from consequences, and people constantly put their feelings on her feelings alone on Cloud and turn him into a two timing pos douchebag because they and she refuse to fucking listen to the literal protagonist.

I'm actually annoyed we're stuck with her for the entirety of Rebirth. I was hoping we'd get rid of her halfway through at the most, but nauuu we get 40hrs of stupid ass sidequests that include flower picking because the devs think that's good content and one way or another they will make us put up with her.

Well, I ain't putting her in my party and I ain't doing her shitty sidequests, and lucky me, idgaf about trophies so it won't even matter that I don't platinum the game 🤷

[snotsloth]

So, I got into a discussion with someone on the NaNo forums about pacing in a novel and what I learned about it during my English degree. Being a normal person who knows how to write a reasonable response to a simple question, I wrote this whole ass essay about how to speed up or slow down the pacing in a story. Then I realized what I had written was actually pretty decent advice, so now y'all also have to put up with me rambling about narrative pacing. You're welcome/I'm sorry.

Slowing down a Plot

Easiest way to slow down a story? Have your characters slow down. Take a breather. Maybe someone is injured. Maybe they have to wait on something else to happen before they take action. Maybe they just need a cup of coffee. Giving your characters a moment to step away from the plot and reflect can give your readers a bit of breathing space as well.

A great example of this comes to mind from Pride and Prejudice. Elizabeth goes on vacation with some relatives. It gets her away from the chaos of her family and all the drama and she has a chance to really think about everything that’s gone on with Mr. Darcy. This of course ultimately leads to her relatives asking if she would like to tour his estate, not knowing that this was the wealthy man whose proposal she had recently rejected. But the beginning of the trip feels like a little intermission where she has a chance to breathe and recenter herself.

On a smaller scale, elements like setting descriptions, inner monologues, exposition, or dialogue that is more focused on characters’ feelings vs. the mechanics of the plot can also slow down your story and give it room to breathe. I think back fondly to those long overwrought descriptions of feasts in the Redwall books from when I was a kid. They didn’t have much if anything to do with the plot usually, but they were fun, loving descriptions of food, merriment, and characters having a little time to show their lighter sides. But boy howdy did they go on forever and slow the pace of the story down!

Another more highbrow example of slowing the pacing would be soliloquies in Shakespearean drama. I’m thinking of Hamlet in particular. In the middle of all the chaos, political machinations, and personal strife, it’s easy to lose the thread of the plot if you’re not careful. You find yourself wondering, what on earth is this all for, what is going on in this man’s head? And then he steps out on stage alone and just tells you exactly what is going through his head (or is he?). Either way, Hamlet’s soliloquies throughout the play function as way-points, slowing everything down and giving both Hamlet and us a few minutes to think about what’s going on and why. Your characters’ inner monologues or conversations with others can be used to similar effect.

Speeding Up a Plot

Honestly, I still find this harder to do than the reverse, especially in a first draft like most of us are working on this month. However, there are also some basics you can think through if you feel like your story is dragging.

The first rule for speeding up a plot is the oft repeated -and oft hated- adage, “Murder your darlings.” Speeding up a plot often requires cutting the parts of your manuscript that you spent the most time on; backstory, world-building, extraneous dialogue about feelings that doesn’t move the plot forward, etc. Get rid of any passages that are standing between your reader and the plot that aren’t necessary to understanding said plot. I remember reading somewhere that, “Your readers don’t care about the coinage system in your fantasy world, but they do care that your characters don’t have enough money to bribe the guards to get into the city.” Or something to that effect. Basically, only explain what you need to and move on.

Along those lines, I’ll repeat another writing advice cliche, “Show. Don’t tell.” If there’s a way to explain something through the action of your story, do it that way. For example, I could write, “Amelia felt sad because she missed her dog.” Or I could write, “No click of claws across the tile greeted Amelia as she walked through the door.” Even though the second sentence is technically longer, it demonstrates Amelia’s feelings through the action of the story. This keeps the pace up and active, instead of passive and turned inward.

When all else fails, especially in a first draft, just skip over sections that are not integral to the plot. Just stick a note in brackets or something else that says, “idk they went and had dinner then came back.” Maybe you’ll write a dinner scene later if you decide it feels right, or you may just mention they had dinner and then get right back to whatever is more important to the story.

When to Focus on Pacing

Ultimately, pacing can be hard to get right on a first pass, so don’t get discouraged if it feels like your novel is dragging or if it’s moving too swiftly this early in the process. You can always circle back later. Plus, you won’t get a good feel for the overall pacing of your story until you have an entire first draft in front of you.

However there is one thing to be careful of while writing a first draft, and that is letting yourself get too bogged down in the details and losing interest in your own story. If that starts to happen, take a break from the current passage you’re writing and just go write a scene later in the story that excites you more. You can always figure out the connective tissue later.

Pacing can be a really subjective thing and hard to get a feel for, but reading a wide variety of books, trying different types of native styles, and doing multiple drafts of your own story will help you get a feel for what works best for you. The most important thing is to keep working at it and keep trying new things until you find something that works for you. Thank you for reading this giant spontaneous essay, and best of luck this month!

[minetteskvareninova]

Minette Rates Love, Death & Robots, Vol.2

(Again, as spoiler free as possible, which is to say not very. Sorry about that.)

AUTOMATED CUSTOMER SERVICE - Offputing animation style and eyeroll-worthy antitechnology message redeemed to a staggering extent by a decent story and, most of all, by being fucking hillarious, maybe the funniest short so far. See, this is how you do satire! 8/10

ICE - This one is... Complicated. The animation was beautifully stylized and appropriately atmospheric - except for the humans, who were just plain hideous. The worldbuilding was pretty lame - except for the whales and the way it played into the unironically good story and characters. Overall, flawed, but pretty good. 7/10

POP SQUAD - The story and message of this one were so utterly horrible that I might have to write an entire meta unpacking them. In short: just read The Declaration series by Gemma Malley instead (or at least the first book, I haven't read the rest). 1/10 for semi-decent animation and cute kids.

SNOW IN THE DESERT - This one had a few interesting kernels, like interesting worldbuilding and concept for a main character, but they all come to naught as the emotional core of the story is a deeply lame romance between extremely poorly drawn character. The pixie cut girl works for a government agency whose main goal is to get Snow, except she completely forgets it because of his magical dick. Which is supposed to be kinda miraculous, but in a completely different way. Snow is better, in that he's just a dude who wants to be left alone and enjoy simple things in life that your regular grunts on this desert hellworld don't have access to. I... I don't get it. Like you could definitely make some point of the fact that he's incredibly privileged by local standards, but they don't. Overall, what this all boils down to is that someone dropped an albino Wolverine onto a Tatooine-esque planet, let him do some cool action scenes defending himself from random bounty hunters and gave him a sexy lamp, I mean cyborg as love interest, while deeply sucking in writing both romance and Wolverine. Fun to roast and rewrite, somewhat entertaining to watch, not too amusing to remember. 4/10 for the potential

THE TALL GRASS - Now we're cooking! Classical lovecraftian short, where a man briefly encounters the Horrors, explained just enough to be more scary than your regular monster, but not enough to ruin the mystery. Also the animation is great and the whole concept of Horrors hiding in a tall grass just Appeals to me. 10/10

ALL TROUGHOUT THE HOUSE - I was kinda dreading this one, because I am a scaredy cat, but turns out nothing terrible even really happens, and now I don't know whether to be glad or disappointed. "Not suitable for children" my ass; look, it's true that the Entity design was appropriately gnarly, so I wouldn't want my kid to watch this, but if it did anyway, I could plausibly just claim the Entity is completely benevolent and just looks Like That so that kids are scared into being good. I mean, it could've demonstrated a miniscule level of malice by, like, eating their misbehaving dog or whatever. Nevertheless, it is a fun, bizzare little tale and the design of the Entity was so good that I still liked it a lot. 7/10

LIFE HUTCH - A fun, imaginative little piece of survival horror in space, even better than The Helping Hand from the previous volume. Also Michael B. Jordan is pretty, sue me. 9/10

THE DROWNED GIANT - This one was thoroughly spoiled for me by Jacob Geller. Good news is, very little actually happens in it anyway and it's more about the vibes than anything. Bad news is, the vibes were spoiled for me by Jacob Geller too. This one I think might've been more impactful in written form, or as a mostly silent movie, but as a movie with narration it just doesn't land. I recommend you read the original short story and/or watch the Jacob Geller video essay Fear Of Big Things Underwater. 5/10

[tradingmaps]

The Paris Review Guide to Becoming a Well-Read, Cultured, and Critically Thinking Person

Dear _________,  What kind of soulless freak could fail to answer your call? Your intelligence glows through your professed ignorance (as does the authenticity of “a very specific religious cult”). That sounds like an educationally less-than-ideal but, in other ways, fascinating childhood. My only piece of advice before recommending some titles would be: don’t fall for the inferiority/superiority racket. We’re not on a ladder here. We’re on a web. Right now you’re experiencing a desire to become more aware of and sensitive to its other strands. That feeling you’re having is culture. Whatever feeds that, go with it. And never forget that well-educated people pretend to know on average at least two-thirds more books than they’ve actually read.

A place to start is with Guy Davenport’s nonfiction collections, Every Force Evolves a Form, The Geography of the Imagination, and The Hunter Gracchus (with more pieces in The Death of Picasso). You’ll learn an enormous amount from these essays and sketches, but almost without realizing, because they give off the pleasure of great stories. Read the title essay in The Hunter Gracchus (about Kafka and the way symbols can take on a life of their own), and see if it isn’t as stimulating and creepy as the last good movie you saw.

Come up with a system of note-taking that you can use in your reading. It’s okay if it evolves. You can write in the margins, or keep a reading notebook (my preference) where you transcribe passages you like, with your own observations, and mark down the names of other, unfamiliar writers, books you’ve seen mentioned (Guy D. alone will give you a notebook full of these). Follow those notes to decide your next reading. That’s how you’ll create your own interior library. Now do that for the rest of your life and die knowing you’re still massively ignorant. (I wouldn’t trade it!)

Read My Ántonia, and then read everything else by Willa Cather. Inside her novels you’ll find it impossible to doubt that high enjoyment and extreme depth can go together. The most difficult art.

Read Isak Dinesen’s Seven Gothic Tales. I’m saying that randomly, because it seems right, and to approve the spirit of randomness.

If you get into a writer, go all the way and check out everything he/she has written. This summer I fell into a Defoe hole. Started with the major stuff, the best novels and the good journalism, and then read everything down to the poems and the tedious political pamphlets, since by that point I was equally interested in him as a human being and wanted to have as accurate a map of the inside of his brain as possible. His is one of the minds that helped shape the modern world—we’re literally still telling his stories—so there’s a vital interest. I read Maximilian Novak’s super-solid biography of him, Master of Fictions. That sort of questy reading ends up enriching your experience of each individual book and piece, and it lends a sense of adventure to the whole business, which after all involves a lot of lying down or sitting on your ass.

Borges and Denis Johnson—anything by either. Edith Wharton’s story “The Young Gentlemen.” (Random, random.) Robert Penn Warren’s All the King’s Men, and then his poems if you’re feeling spry. Find on the Web and buy an old paperback copy of the Robert Penn Warren and Albert Erskine–edited anthology Six Centuries of Great Poetry (a book for life). Read the next two things I’m going to read and then see how you like them: Grant’s Memoirs and Karl Ove Knausgaard’s My Struggle. Read Nabokov’s Speak, Memory and Joan Didion’s Slouching Towards Bethlehem.

Books that got me kick-started were the great modernist biographies, especially Hugh Kenner’s The Pound Era and Richard Ellmann’s life of James Joyce. Read those two books and you’ll have a decent-size grid on which to plot the rest of your reading. I’m somehow moved to spurt out, Stephen Greenblatt’s Will in the World. People have been writing about Shakespeare for half a millennium, and the very best of it just happened.

Ignore all of this and read the next cool-looking book you see lying around. It’s not the where-you-start so much as the that-you-don’t-stop. I was reading Phoenix Force novels until I was like thirteen. These days a lot of people I know are into Murakami. I should have said more novels. If it’s by a Russian, read it.

[lttcto]

THEM