#i could post the current chapters but then i'd feel bad because We're Still In The Early Days. i'm establishing the new dynamics

[fox-guardian]

i am asking you about the stoker swap au. 👁👁

there's many a post discussing it in the "stoker swap au" tag on my blog if you want more info but basically danny survives his would-be strangering and goes on to work at the institute while tim remains at his publishing job, stressed that his younger brother is working at said institute after having lied about his qualifications and also as he learns more and more about how unsafe the place is to work at. it's a fix-it fic i'm in the process of writing but idk if it'll be posted but i do post art of it occasionally.

[junkshop-disco]

Just posted a new chapter so what better time for a fic meme. Tagged by @magicalrocketships but idk if I have any better screen grabs than theirs.

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

38, which makes the average word count completely ridiculous.

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

1,048,397. Average word count 27,589. Brevity, I don't know her.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Downton Abbey, Fate the Winx Saga, Good Omens currently.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Honeysuckle Arch

Learning to Speak the Language of Flowers

An Equal and Opposite Reaction

Instalments

The Could in People

Whenever I look at the stats, I'm taken aback at just how skewed my sense of which fics are the most popular is. Because I would not have guessed some of these at all.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to, but I am--at heart--a deeply anxious squirrel masquerading as a person and any sort of interaction with people I don't know well can sometimes be too much for me to handle. When my anxiety is bad, I imagine that every single comment will be about how shit my writing is and what an awful person I am, so I can't read them right away, let alone reply. I have to work up to them and do a couple at a time and I always intend to reply but sometimes, weeks/months/years pass without me feeling up to it and then it feels too awkward. Right now my anxiety is much better thanks to lots of medication and some pretty hefty life changes, so I'm more able to engage with them like a vaguely normal person, but sometimes if I have a bad week, opening the comment box to reply 'thanks! Glad you liked it' makes me feel like James Bond sitting nose to nose with an armed bomb. I do hold onto comments, though. I screen grab ones that really resonated and re-read them when I feel down. They mean a great deal to me, even if I can't always say so in a timely fashion.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It's definitely a Merlin fic, possibly Doubt Creeps In? That whole thing is pretty angsty and there's no real resolution. I wrote a few angsty endings in Merlin fic.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Idk that I've ever written truly happy ending. I've written cute endings, give-them-a-break endings, but I don't know if I'd describe any of them as happy. I don't tend to go in for them. Nothing winds me up more than an epilogue with a pasted on happy ending. I have been known to hurl a book across the room.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven't for a while but I used to when I wrote HP fic. My favourite ever was 'you should be flayed for writing this. I hope you die.' I still laugh when I think about it.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes. All kinds? I have written the odd fade to black in my time and also the most unremitting filth in all flavours of vanilla to kinky.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I've written a handful. Back on LJ I wrote a Merlin/Twilight crossover where Edward and Merlin team up to fight evil vampire unicorns who can only be killed by virgins singing at them until they explode.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yep. Tbh I just feel sad for the people who do it. It seems like a very hollow way to do fandom.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yep. And podficced! It's always nice.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've done a few Big Bangs and other events where I collaborated with someone and it's always one of my favourite things to do. I've also co-written some... stuff on anon, which we're not going to talk about 👀

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Can anyone pick just one? Like Hotel California, I check out but I never leave. I am still here for Mulder and Scully, Mal and Inara, Tara and Willow, Giles and Jenny, Bradley and Colin, Merlin and Gwaine, Nick and Harry and Niall, Isak and Even, Remus, Lily, Sirius and Tonks, Crowley and Aziraphale, Thomas and Richard, Ed and Stede, Farah and Saul. The ships I love never leave me and picking a favourite would make me sad.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

If I'm posting it, it will get finished. I have a couple of things languishing on my hard drive that may never see the light of day, like a Thomas in LA fic post DA2, but I can't not finish things.

16. What are your writing strengths?

A commitment to the bit? An unwavering belief there's never a bad time for banter? An unfailing devotion to poking people's bruises?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

See above.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Would attempt only in a comedy situation where getting it wrong was the point.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Firefly. The first one I posted in was HP though, rip.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Saying I'm fond of all of them would be such a cop out, wouldn't it? In truth, my favourite is usually the one I'm currently writing, so let's say Sum of the In-between Things. It's morphed so far from what I intended it to be and I have literally no idea if I can stick the landing on it, but I've genuinely had a blast writing it, and that's the point, isn't it?

Tagging: @septemberrie @myalchod and @magnolia822!

[cathodic-clairvoyant]

You are actually the only person I have seen say anything that makes sense regarding HDWR recently, thank you for your good takes. I love this manga, but it really feels like I’m not reading the same story as most people sometimes

I for the record think that there is a lot (in fact i'd say majority) of interesting discussion about hdwr, even now, (just the other day in the main tag i saw a post that i liked talking about tamaki as a character & her and miwa's relationship and despite the subreddit having a lot of silly posts lately i think a couple months ago around ch. 113's release there were a lot of good comments about MiwaSae and both of their development throughout the story and I think even now there's good discussion about ch. 119 and miwa and tamaki burried in the silly stuff) and in some sense like i feel like the current wave with ch. 119 was always going to happen, it's a very emotionally charged topic that we're seeing how much it hurt a character people tend to like so like i understand being upset by it and having strong opinions about it.

That all being said, the kind of discussion that tends to surround the story of "sae was unfair/toxic to miwa" "tamaki has always been manipulative" "yuria is unfair to sae" are baffling to me because I feel like to get anything out of this story- to not instantly just be frustrated with it- you have to interact with it a little bit on its terms and I think part of that is acknowledging that these characters are more complex than the simple one word "abusive/toxic/manipulative/innocent" labelling and have complex emotions and imperfect reasoning that cause them to make mistakes, be cruel to each other, and do the wrong things. This doesn't excuse the characters' actions but that's not what the story is interested in doing anyway.

And like, I don't think the story is for everyone, I don't think everyone has to want to interact with the story on those terms; which is why while i personally don't agree with the kind of people who say "i had to stop reading when miwa and sae broke up bc it was too sad/too frustrating" and the like, I can at least understand it as just the story has goals that reader doesn't want to engage with, which is completely understandable. Where it confuses me is getting so far through the story and still not choosing to interact with the story on its terms. What are you getting out of this story then??? Does viewing sae as toxic enhance the story for you? Is it a useful way in looking at the narrative?

Especially since I feel like tamifull has attempted to make these characters realistic almost to invite us the reader to examine both ourselves and our relationships as we read. Is How Do We Relationship a useful tool to to analyze yourself or your own relationships with if you flatten the characters into good and bad? Is that a lens you'd want to view your own relationships with? I don't think so. I feel like the only things it could lead to is "i wouldn't make that mistake because I'm not toxic." "i wouldn't find myself in this situation because me and my partner aren't like them." So like. What benefit does viewing these characters in this way give you? You clearly seem to agree with/like the goals of the story if you're still here 100+ chapters later so like. What are you getting out of this?

I dunno. Like i said, I do think there's still a lot of good discussion about hdwr. That's why I still lurk the subreddit and read posts in the main tag. It's just this specific genre of discussion i can't understand especially when it happens with like more recent chapters

[buckybarnesalways]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖

Thank you for this ask. This is gonna be hard to just pick 5 I love all my fics lol.

Would you come home summery: Carlos and TK have a misunderstanding. Tk runs out carlos worries.

Tk relapses

This has to be my number one. It's ths first fic I was confident enough to post. It's my first chapter fic. I was extremely shocked when people actually liked it.

Just a dream summery: Bucky has a nightmare, Steve is there comfort him

This one shocked me,I actually had a dream about this fic and woke up and typed it out at like 4:30 in the morning. When I read it back,I couldn't believe I'd written it. This is probably the fic I read when I realized my sister was right and I really am a good writer.

The unexpected summery:Carlos is gone and tk's world is crumpling

This one has special meaning to me. I actually forgot a whole scene in this one and I asked My sister who is also my editor if she could add it in. She was nervous because she likes to say she can't write. (That's kinda our thing I'm the writer and she's the artist, and we're each other's hype person) I finally convinced her and when she sent it back to me I was floored by how good the part she wrote is. (I actually told her I was gonna print it out and make her read it repeatedly every time she said she was a bad writer)

Nothing ever stays the same summery:Carlos' parents catch him in an intimate moment with TK and Carlos panics

I'm obsessed with this one. I still can't believe this is my writing. My sister also gave me a huge compliment on this one. She said I write Tarlos as if they're real people. (She wasn't amused when I told her it's because they are real) it's one of my biggest fears that I'm gonna write something and it's not gonna be anywhere close to the characters and no one will like it.

My forever summery: Carlos and TK go on vacation

So this one is actually inspired by a photo that Rafa posted. I wrote this one while I was in the hospital. And to the one person who asked for it there will be a chapter 2.

Honorable mention is the wip I'm currently working on. It's gonna be the longest one I've ever written. I'm not even close to halfway through and it's already 8,000 words. Hopefully I can get back to it soon now that I've gotten my anxiety and depression somewhat under control.

Thanks for this @ravens-words this made me look at my fics in better way instead of just yeah I wrote it can't believe people are reading it.

Pretty sure everyone's done this already so I won't tag anyone. But feel free if you want to do it.

[chaotic-tired-bastard]

💞💌💘

ask me something- fic writer edition!

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

I think the most important thing for me would be a tie between the characters and the technical stuff. If you can't get a character down to at least some kind of accurate portrayal of said character, it's really hard to keep reading when that's not the character or the character's personality is doing 180° turns every other line or paragraph. The technical stuff is just as important- if someone has bad grammar, improper punctuation, improper capitalization, etc..., I don't think I would be able to read it. If the improper technical stuff is on purpose and an integral part of telling the story, then it's less... jarring but still a big pet peeve of mine. I also hold myself to high standards for the both of these, as I don't want to be a hypocrite, going around criticizing these things while also sucking ass at doing it myself.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okay okay okay so I'm doing a multi-chapter fanfic thing for the first time in a few years and I'M SO EXCITED! I've been working on the first chapter for a week so far and I'm at 5,480 words so far, so it's going to be a long one! I'm going to be posting it on both my AO3 and my old, decrepit Fandom.net account solely because I wanted to make a cover for it. The name of it is currently undecided, sadly, but I'll come up with something eventually. I've actually gotta share something about it now, so... uh... have an excerpt from somewhere in it I guess. (Oh, yeah, it's an ATLA fanfic. Because that's what I'm currently hyperfixated on. Yeah, we're humanizing and therapizing the murder grandpa)

“Sozin, it seems as if you’ve taken a disciple,” Roku said teasingly, and the turtleduckling atop his head quacked in agreement.

💘Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

I'd have to go with my first fic that I really put a lot of effort into- Lovely Bitter Water. I cranked out 21 chapters with a grand total of 47,174 words, which was insane for two years ago me, and I actually reread it every once in a while. I feel like I was trying to shove too much stuff into 2000-ish words per chapter, and I could go back and rework a few things, rewrite a few scenes and do better on the characterization of a few of the characters. Honestly, it's kind of like my child and I really love it, even though it's kinda bad 😅

[laughterbynight]

First, thank you for the explanations. They aren't bad at all, we're just trying to draw common understanding from two completely different languages. It's rough.

And that's not even taking into account social and societal norms which get even trickier when you've got characters who are westerners that are being written to make sense for a Japanese audience ( Duo and his mini-me are good examples).

Truly, thank you.

That said, at this point I'm working off of what's been translated up to chapter 8 so that's where my confusion is coming from, not from you. I want to make it clear that I'm not saying you did anything wrong or contradictory, I'm just trying to make connections between what I've read and the intent behind it (which doesn't always seem clear but I'm assuming will make sense later).

Re Relena's personality thing I don't mean you implied that, I mean that's what it feels like in the story. Sort of like the way she acts or approaches situations would be colored by her last name and the ideals attached to it. I figure that part is shorthand storytelling but that feels contradictory to what we learn earlier about her grandmother (I think her grandmother, right?) who held the peacecraft name while being a pilot. (Side note: I'm sad we don't get more of wyvern. Relena piloting a proto zero style dragon mobile suit would be raaaaaaad.)

It's just an odd thing in the story. I know what it's going for, but it felt weird. I feel like she can just be a peacecraft and do things differently.

I was also under the impression prior to FT that Sanc/Sanq was not always a peaceful country? I thought the pacifistic thing was fairly new thanks to Rex joining the family, which makes it even stranger that the peacecraft name is so strongly tied to total pacifism. I mean naming convention aside, but you can get a name like that from different methods of peace and how that's defined by each era, so I was expecting more of an explanation for that (it's possible I missed it cause damn was I skimming at parts).

To be fair though there is a lot of hey remember the plot of EW underlying the whole thing so maybe what feels weird to me is just all those nods to EW. Like, I get it dude.

I get why she's acting with the republic currently. Her hand was forced (although that bit where they were considering allowing a nuke to go off pre freeze was wild) but I did get the impression it had more to do with saving Heero originally. Duo was the one like, HEY MAYBE DONT CAUSE NUKE STILL BAD?!

Okay so she's still public enough to be on display in a city named after her (doesn't exactly seem safe or smart but sure) but Kathy and Fenrir(DJ?) are implied to not know the real her because none of the current generation does? That's where I'm getting confused.

20 years puts the pilots at like 35-ish right? Why are people gray and incapable of piloting suits at full capacity? Like I'm 34! Yeah I'm not 16 but I'd argue I'm in a better place now than I was at 16. It seems weird that age is treated like such a big deal when it was never established that it had a massive impact on a pilot, other than the gundam pilots being shockingly young. That surly implies that being older as a pilot would be the norm, yeah? And I know Duo has his own story explaining the extra aging but I'll be honest, I'm completely ignoring that. The generation xerox thing still isn't working for me.

Just Mars is a battle hellscape. Got it. How very poetic given the association with the god of war.

Final bit about popsicle boy. So you say later he starts acting more like his post EW self, which is good. During the mission to save Relena everyone she's been given lethal wounds from what appears to be a shrapnel bomb. Heero then runs after the guy instead of staying with her? Like yeah yeah vengeance on her behalf. Romantic whatever but like, what if she died while he was doing that? I know she had medical aid but him leaving her in that state felt so wtf. It's not like Dis could enact ppp on his own so I don't think Heero needed to go after the guy. (Also did nanomachines ever come up in any other GW media or is this new because I was just like, since when are these a thing???)

At this point this is as far as I've gotten. For the love of god feel free to spoil things if it helps the story make sense. Me reading at like 3am probably didn't help my understanding.

Good lord.

Okay, me again.

These conversations have me back on the attempting to read Frozen Teardrop train. It's going slightly better this time although there are still a myriad of problems. (Turns out I still don't care about Treize)

One thing keeps bugging me (mind you I'm still in the early chapters). Am I to understand that in FT someone who is in cryostatis loses ALL of their memories which then need to be basically downloaded back into their brains? Because that poses a ton of problems.

There's no way every aspect of someone's personality and private thoughts would be in a data bank, let alone singular pieces of data. Even supposing by this point in time, in the gundam universe, we have technology that can store the same amount of data as a brain, that doesn't seem to be what the writing is saying.

So in this case, heero and relena have like no reason to care about each other. There's no way all of that private and internal relationship was on historical data files. I'm so confused over this concept. What on earth.

The only way this works is if private memories remain but historical ones don't, which would be very weird, still?

Lmao, to be fair I never cared for Trieze too 😂. Sumisawa wanted to do a prequel and expand on the GW universe (since the anime had such tight time constraints) so he took the chance when asked to do a sequel and added a lot of exposition to Frozen Teardrop. Which is why almost every character has an Episode Zero type backstory as well as their turn to narrate what they've been doing the past 20 years.

It seems like a lot but after 13 volumes it does all eventually come together.

The memories of Heero, Trieze, Zechs, etc are gathered from the Zero and Epyon systems as part of that whole "conscience being uploaded to the system" that the anime briefly mentions. It seems wacky but for the sequel of the anime that had Trieze build a future predicting robot out of nowhere, some wackyness is to be expected 😂.

So technically Heero's emotions, at least until EW would be stored on the Zero System. Although iirc, in FT the reason he needs to have memory files uploaded into the Princess Aurora capsule is so he doesn't wake up disorientated and can get to the mission right away. Whereas they believe that Relena was awakened abruptly and that's why she's enforcing the Perfect Peace law (she's being used as a puppet to spare millions of lives like with her time as Queen Relena but it's the hypothesis that the Preventors come up with at least). Relena does have some "cognitive dissonance" though from being abruptly awoken but it's more that she forgot what her true ideals as "Relena Darlian" were and instead was trying to live up to being "Relena Peacecraft".

I can assure you that Heero and Relena do have their private memories, with them both remembering right up until they were frozen, and that the more you read the more it will all start to make sense.

Feel free to keep the asks coming if you want because this is the most I've been able to talk about GW in a while, so any more questions and I'll be happy to clear things up or even just discuss stuff lol.

[gc-genshin]

Chapter Four: Epiphany

Epiphany (n.): a sudden insight or understanding of something.

Pairing: Various x female reader

Summary: You get an idea of what's going on… sort of.

Warnings: Explicit language.

Word count: 12.7k (holy shit my bad)

A/N: Uh… *taps mic* hello?? Is this book still relevant?? Did y'all miss me? Lmao, lot of shit happened the past months so I wasn't really able to focus on this story unfortunately. I hope this extra long chapter makes up for the wait! Plus this isn't proofread and I'll add the taglist later, I'm ready to post this chapter.

Happy reading!

Your first week of working at the Wangshu Inn was… uneventful, to say the least.

Other than being hectic trying to take care of guests because of Lantern Rite, nothing really surprising has happened. Which you suppose was a good thing.

After your little drinking incident that happened a few days ago…

—

“Perhaps…” Xiao started and you waited with a baited breath, nervous as to what he was going to say. “You are in need of some assistance, you imbecile.”

You looked at him with hazy and unfocused eyes. In your drunken stupor, you could only respond to him with an embarrassed laugh.

“Aha, yeah…” You trailed off awkwardly. Your eyes then began to droop dangerously low as a sudden wave of drowsiness had hit you. Xiao could only watch as you instantly passed out in his arms while letting out small snores. The adeptus let out an aggravated sigh as he picked up and carried you to your shared room, already regretting the decision of taking care of you.

—

It was safe to say you didn't see him for a day or two.

Today was Friday. One day before the Mingxiao Lantern was released. Goldet had decided to already pay you for your two weeks because of how hard you were working, which you tried to decline, but Goldet was as stubborn as you so you reluctantly accepted the money.

You were sweeping the reception area, bored out of your mind. You were done with all of your chores but you still wanted to work and be productive. You turn your head when you hear Goldet heave a sigh.

“Lantern Rite is nearly here, why don't we decorate the inn this year?” She asks you.

That line sounds familiar. You tilt your head, feigning confusion. “Lantern Rite? What's that?”

Goldet looks at you surprised. “Oh! Don't you know? On the first full moon of the first month each year, Liyue celebrates the Lantern Rite. It's a festival to commemorate the heroes from the past. After dark, the people release Xiao and Mingxiao Lanterns into the night sky.” She began explaining. “Ah... "May the flames of wisdom spread to all, and never be extinguished." This is the meaning of the lanterns. We believe they act as the beacons in the night, guiding bygone heroes back to their homeland.”

You gaze at her in wonder. “That sounds like a magnificent festival.” If I cried during the cutscene from the game, I wonder how much of a mess I would be if I was able to see it in person.

“Do you want to get involved in the Lantern Rite?” Goldet asks.

You nodded. “From the way you were talking about it, it sounds like a wonderful experience.”

Goldet clapped her hands excitedly. “That's great! The festive period leading up to the day itself is all part of the celebrations. If you're looking to take part, it's not too late.”

You thought for a moment. “Wait, so you're telling me that I don't have to work?” You asked Goldet.

She let out a small gasp as if she was shocked you would even suggest such a thing. “Oh Archons no! I would never ask you to work on a holiday such as Lantern Rite!” She exclaimed. You blink at her a few times, caught off guard by her slight outburst, and she laughed at your expression. “Haha... During this time, we pray to bring peace and ward off bad luck. Liyue locals call it "bidding farewell to the old and welcoming the new."

After hearing Goldet exclaim, Huai’an, her husband and the innkeeper, came to see what the commotion was. “Verr, are you alright? I heard you yell.” He asked with a concerned look.

Both you and Goldet turned to him. “I'm fine, dear. I was just explaining to [Name] the history behind Lantern Rite.” Goldet tells him. “Can you believe this will be her first time celebrating it?”

Huai’an gives you a look of surprise. “You've never experienced Lantern Rite?”

From the way they were talking about it, you almost felt embarrassed to say no. You hunch your shoulders and meekly shake your head at him.

Huai’an noticed your timid state. “Well isn't this exciting?” He quietly asked Goldet. He then turned to you. “Lantern Rite truly is a wonderful experience so I have no doubt that you'll enjoy it. Plus I can teach you how to make Xiao Lanterns!” He gives you an encouraging smile.

You give them both a wide eyed stare. “So… I'll be able to go to Lantern Rite? You don't need me for anything?”

Goldet shook her head while laughing. “No, you silly girl. Everybody will be in the city to release lanterns, so the inn won’t be very busy that night.” She gives you a soft smile. “Go and have fun.”

Shit I might just cry. You looked at Goldet teary eyed. “Boss!” You wept comically. “You're too kind, boss! Paying me in advance, giving me a roof over my head, letting me go to Lanter Rite! What did I ever do to have such a wonderful boss?” You cried out and glomped her into a hug. You were totally using your younger appearance as an advantage to act more childish because you would have never done this with any other boss.

Goldet laughed at you, reciprocating the hug. “And what did I do to deserve such a wonderful employee? You've been working so hard since you've started, it would be cruel of me not to let you go and enjoy the festival.” She tells you while swaying side to side. You've come to realize that Goldet was starting to become like the older sister you never had.

You both pull away from the hug. “Plus,” Goldet began, “I paid you early in advance so that you would be able to go shopping.” She gives you a cheeky smirk. “Can't have you wearing my clothes and your uniform the entire time you're here.”

You laugh at that. “You're right.” You grin at her and Huai'an. “Thank you both so much, for all that you've done for me.” You say sincerely.

“Of course [Name]. Now go have fun shopping.” She gestures to the balcony. “I think you've just about swept the floorboards down to splinters.”

You thank Goldet again and give her one last hug before running to your room to change. But as you were making your way up the stairs, Goldet called out to you. “Oh [Name]! Um… also,” she trailed off uncertainly.

You crinkle your eyebrows in confusion. “What's up?”

“If you're able to…” she cleared her throat. “... could you... try to convince Xiao to go with you?” She asked. She then let out a sigh. “We're not close, I wouldn't know how to ask him myself. But it seems that you've grown familiar with him.”

You look at her confused. You? Being close with Xiao? Yeah, the thought sounds nice but there's no way you have already ‘grown familiar’ with him in just a week. If anything he tolerates you at best since you've forcefully wormed your way into his life.

“Really?” You tilt your head. “Xiao doesn't seem to be one for crowds.” Sorry Aether, I might have to steal your idea. “I mean, I'll try and convince him but I can't make any promises.”

Goldet let out a resigned sigh. “I suppose you're right… Anyway! Just thought I'd mention it. You should get yourselves down to the harbor.”

She then shoos you off with a smile. “Get going! If you leave too late, the city will be crowded with people and you won't be able to make the most of it.”

You nod enthusiastically. “Yes ma’am! Happy Lantern Rite!” You wave to her and Huai'an.

They both wave back. “Happy Lantern Rite!”

—

You burst into your room, practically vibrating in excitement at the thought of having your own clothes. You hurriedly started to strip out of your uniform, unaware of the curious gaze that came from your current roommate.

Xiao was currently leaning against the railing on the balcony that accompanied the room and was wondering why you were in such a rush. As he turned to question you, he instantly turned back around upon seeing you reach behind yourself to start buttoning your dress, keeping his gaze on the scenery before him. Xiao let out a deep breath and rubbed his forehead in aggitaion. I just can't get used to her doing that.

However, when you start to undress, you notice Xiao quickly turn around out of the corner of your eyes. Halting your movements, you call out to the young adeptus as you buttoned your uniform back up. “Sorry Xiao! I didn't know you were there!” And you made your way to the bathroom.

Hearing you say his name made Xiao tense up in surprise and furrow his eyebrows. He was one hundred percent certain that you would have just kept undressing in the middle of the room, being the shameless mortal that you are, but you didn't. You instead moved to change in a different room. Huh… perhaps she does have some decency.

You quickly came out of the bathroom after that interaction, dressed in Goldet’s clothes for the last time. Seeing Xiao still out on the balcony, you walk up to his side while enjoying the warm breeze.

Xiao looked at you from the corner of his eyes, nearly seeing the excitement radiate off you. “Where are you going in such a rush?” He asked. You perk up when hearing his voice and swivel your head to him.

“Goldet is letting me go experience the festival!” You exclaimed excitedly. “Isn't that great?”

Xiao rolled his eyes and let out a scoff. “What's so great about releasing glowing trash into the sky only for it to return to the sea?”

You hummed. “Well, it's like any other tradition I suppose. It's not so much the actual festival or ritual that matters but more of the meaning behind it instead.” You shrug. “Plus it gives me an excuse to go shopping, you coming with?”

“No.”

You let out a groan and roll your eyes. Even though you were expecting it, you couldn't help but feel a little disheartened at his answer. “Why not?” You question. Although I already know why.

Xiao gave you a look. “I don't enjoy large crowds of people.”

You let out a sigh. “Fiiiiine,” you drawl out, “no means no so I guess I'll stop bothering you about it.”

Xiao raised an eyebrow. Really? She's going to quit just like that? He looked at you dubiously.

“For now.” You added mischievously with a smirk.

There it is. Xiao should have known better. He found out that you were too damn stubborn to give up easily pretty quickly. He shook his head at you. “Do you plan on leaving soon?” He changed the subject.

You nod. “I was going to leave as soon as I changed but then I saw you and just had to talk to you.”

That made Xiao scrunch his eyebrows. “You just had to talk to me? Why's that?”

You look towards him and give him a closed eyes smile. “Because I wanted too! Plus you're my friend and I enjoy your company.”

Xiao gave you a once over. A heavy feeling settled in his chest when you referred to him as a “friend”. That word left a bitter taste in his mouth. Everyone that he ever considered a friend had either died or left him in some way, and he never bothered to keep in contact with the current adepti, so the thought of you wanting to be in his company was worrying. Who knows how long it'll be until his karmic debt finally catches up to him…

And drags you along with him.

Xiao narrowed his eyes at you. You immediately took notice of his tense state and swallowed at the harsh glare he gave you. Uh oh. You let out an uncomfortable laugh. I don't think he liked that.

“What have I told you about getting close?” He asked harshly which caused you to curl in on yourself slightly.

“In the thousands of years that have passed, I have taken countless wraiths,” he began, “so if you want no trouble, it’s best you keep your distance from me.” After he finished scolding you he turned to leave, going to do who knows what. You watched as he seemingly stormed away. Slightly panicking that he was leaving because you had upset him, you steeled your nerves and asked the first thing that came to your head.

“But what if I want trouble?”

Your question made Xiao stop in his tracks. He turned to look at you confused. You wore an expression that was full of confidence that waived slightly.

“What if I don’t want to keep my distance away from you?” You continued. “You told me to “stay out of your way or all that awaits me is regret”, right?” You quickly stride over to him and jab a finger in his chest.

“Well guess what honey? That's a risk I'm willing to take.” You tell him fiercely. “I make my own choices and if I happen to make bad choices then I will deal with the consequences of those choices.” You place a hand on your chest and glare at him determinedly.

“You have no say in what I ultimately can and can't do, Xiao. Only. I. do.” You finally finish and place your hands on your hips defiantly.

Xiao looked at you blankly, trying to process what you had just said. When he finally did, he looked at you sternly. “Is that really what you want?”

“More than anything.” Your eyes bore deep into him, not wavering in the slightest in your decision. “You saved my life. The least I can do for you is offer you my company and assistance in any way for not letting me splatter all over the ground. Even if you don't want it.”

After a few heartbeats of silence, Xiao reluctantly gave in and sighed while crossing his arms. “You are the most troublesome human I've had the displeasure of knowing.”

You smiled triumphantly. “Glad we're on the same page!”

“Well I'll be heading off now. Do you need anything?” You ask as you start heading towards the door.

“Nothing in the city would be of use to an adeptus.” He responds. “Don't forget your blade.”

You promptly made a 180 turn and walked towards your nightstand where a little dagger laid. Since you weren't able to fully wield a bigger weapon and don't understand how they do the whole whooshy thing to make their weapons disappear, I think he called it “particulation” or something like that, Xiao insisted that you had some form of weapon to protect yourself with.

You grabbed the knife and clipped it parallel to your belt, allowing your shirt to conceal it. “I don't see the reason as to why I have to have this thing. Aren't the Millelith scattered along the road to Liyue?” You then turn to Xiao and tilt your head. “Plus I can just call you whenever I'm in trouble.” Though that would probably be a last resort for me.

“I don't trust those lousy soldiers.” Xiao huffed.

You raised your eyebrow and pursed your lips, nodding in agreement. “Yeah… I don't blame ya.”

“Anyways,” you shrug, “are you sure you don't want to come with me?”

Xiao only shook his head. “Best you go alone. There's no need for me to be there.”

You look at him with big doe eyes, trying to convince him to at least walk you to the harbor. “But the road from here to Liyue Harbor is long and full of dangers... I need someone to ensure my safety!” You exclaim, seemingly scared.

“That's why I gave you your blade.” The adeptus gave you a bored look upon his handsome face.

You then startled Xiao when you clapped your hands into a prayer position and brought them to your head. “O Vigilant Yaksha, please escort me safely to the city!” You cry out.

Xiao tensed at your sudden decloration. Normally, Xiao was used to other’s praying to him and hearing their wishes but when you did it, it made him feel… fidgety. You seemed to hold yourself in a high regard that you didn't let anyone have control over your actions, so it was odd to see you with your head bowed to him.

Xiao crossed his arms and looked away from you. “Quit that. There's no need for you to bow to me.”

You perked up, an excited gleam in your eyes. “So you'll come with me?”

“So be it. I won't be going into the city though.” He retorted.

You throw him a smile. “That's fine!” You straighten back up and open the door. “Come on, let's go!” You wave at him.

Xiao shook his head at your antics and began to follow you. And to think that she's a grown adult. “Wait.” He called out.

You stop in your tracks and look back at Xiao confused. “Huh? Why?”

Xiao walks up to your left side and grabs your bicep. You looked at him even more perplexed. What is he doing?

You then began to feel a strong gust of wind swirl around you and in an instant, darkness flooded your vision and a familiar feeling of nausea came over you. When you opened your eyes again, you saw the gates of Liyue below the hill you were on.

You put your hands on your knees, trying to keep from puking everywhere, as you begin to process that Xiao had just teleported you both to Liyue.

“Here we are.” Xiao released your arm.

“Would have been nice to know beforehand.” You groan. After feeling like you weren't going to empty your guts out, you look up and let out a small gasp.

In front of you stood an archway that led to the bridge that entered into the city. Looking beyond that, you could see the beautiful Chinese architecture of the buildings that filled Liyue Harbor with the magnificent decorations of Lantern Rite along the city. You gaped at the scene before you. Holy shit…

Xiao swiveled his head to give a hard stare. “Don't go and cause any trouble.” He warned you.

That caused you to let out a snort. “Yeah, yeah, sure. What are you, my dad?” You raised an eyebrow at him. “Why did we teleport?”

“So I wouldn't have to listen to talk my ear off all day.” He responded bluntly, causing you to let out an offended gasp. “And I told you,” he continued before you could tell him off. “so long as you are in Liyue, it is my duty to protect you and not let any harm come to you.” Xiao reiterated.

“Wow… you really are my dad. But that's a pretty big responsibility. You sure you can follow through with it?” You question.

“Are you questioning my abilities as an adeptus?” He asked gruffly. He then leaned in closer to your face. “I always take care of my duties.” Xiao finished while staring you straight in the eyes.

Your eyes widened in surprise at his declaration. The way he said that so firmly and confidently made your chest feel light before tightening, a familiar feeling of guilt settling in, causing you to look away and frown. Shit… not now.

Noticing the change in your demeanor, Xiao tilted his head confused. “What's wrong?”

Shaking your head to get rid of the self-deprecating thoughts that were forming, you look up at him with reassuring eyes. “It's nothing.” You tell him with a small smile.

Going back to your seemingly old self, you give Xiao a look. “Alrighty,” You turn towards him and hold out your pinkie, “pinky promise it then.”

He gave your pinky an inquisitive look. You furrow your eyebrows in confusion. “You have heard of a pinky promise before, right?”

Xiao squinted his eyes at you. “Is this another strange human gesture?”

“Eh, I wouldn't necessarily say it's strange. More endearing than anything.” You hold your dominant hand and make a “give it” gesture. “Give me your hand.”

Xiao hesitantly puts his hand in yours. You close it into a fist, only leaving out his pinky. You then bring your own pinky and lock it with his own. “Now say your promise again.” Xiao looked at you reluctantly. You let out a groan. “Come on dude, just do it please?” You say giving him your best puppy dog eyes.

Xiao sighed. “I promise, so long as you are in Liyue, that I will protect you and not let any harm come to you.” He looked at your still entwined pinkies. As he said this, a gentle breeze drifted between the two of as if it was sealing the promise between you and Xiao. Xiao watched as the wind suddenly made your hair flutter around you and the way the afternoon sun casted just the right amount of shadows on your features as you looked up at him. At the moment he didn't see the fifteen year old features that made up your current face but the mature, more sharper features that he saw from your most recent pictures and student ID.

“Now what?” Her hands are really warm.

You give him a smile. “That's it!” You then let go of his pinky, bringing your hand back to your side.

He looked at you confused. “That's it? Nothing special happens?”

“The special thing about pinky promises is that the person who broke the promise gets their pinky cut off by the other person who made the promise.” You say to him.

“That's quite gruesome for such a little act.” Humans confused him so much.

“I think it was more of a scare tactic for kiddos than anything really.” You shrug. You then started walking to the city. “I'll see you later Xiao!” You call out with a grin.

“Be careful.” He told you with a subtle nod, which made your smile somehow even brighter, before teleporting away. You then turned back around and practically skipped to Liyue.

—

You made your way down the hill and soon came upon the gate that led to the city. In front of it stood two guards, you couldn't bother to remember their names, who gave you a nice ‘welcome to Liyue Harbor’ as you walked past them. As you walked over the bridge you saw the Mingxiao Lantern standing tall in all its glory. Continuing on, you finally stepped foot in the city. With a look of amazement on your face, you spun around while trying to take in all of the decorations.

I can't believe I'm actually here… You let out a disbelieving laugh and began to feel your eyes become misty. Am I really tearing up right now? Oh my God I am. You shake your head trying to get your emotions in check. As you carry on walking further, the infamous somewhat creepy shipowner, Bolai spots you looking around like a lost puppy. Which you really weren't, you were just hypnotized by the decorations.

“Hello young lady!” He called out to you. You whipped your head towards him, slightly startled. When you realized who was talking, you made a small grimace. Oh… it's that really creepy guy that I don't like.

As he makes his way towards you, you put your guard up as you straighten your back. “Hello.”

Bolai raised an eyebrow as he stopped short of you. “What a strange accent. Are you perhaps foreign?” He questioned.

You furrow your eyebrows. I have an accent? “Something like that.” You reply with a shrug your shoulders nonchalantly and a ghost of a smile on your face. Ain't no way in hell are you talking about yourself to him.

Bolai narrowed his eyes at you suspiciously. How interesting. “Quite the mysterious one, you are. Tell me, young lady, where do you hail from? Fontaine? Sumeru?”

“Sure.” You tell him halfheartedly. Why the fuck is he grilling me so hard? I should probably give him some sort of answer so he'll leave me alone. “I traveled a lot so I never really had a distinctive place to call home.” You smoothly lied. Well… it wasn't entirely a lie.

Believing your little fib, Bolai’s face softens into a look of realization. A young girl like you didn't have a home growing up? Is that what you were hinting at?

Taking notice of the subtle pity look that crossed his gaze, you groan internally. Great, now he's going to think that I never had a home. Whoops!

“Well just know that you are always welcomed here in Liyue,” He reassured you, kinda. Your eyebrows raise slightly in surprise from that. “And if you ever need anything, and I mean anything, you can always come to me.” He finished ominously while giving you a smile that seemed a little too kind.

You leaned your torso away from the strange man and looked at him mildly creeped out, yet kept a polite smile on your face. “Duly noted… thanks.” Trailing off, you maneuvered your way around and sped walked away from Bolai. A fake shiver runs through your body. Ugh… just as creepy as I remember.

You continued further into the city. Your head was constantly moving from left to right, up and down, taking in the gorgeous decorations that littered the buildings and streets. Pulling out the Mora pouch that Goldet gave you, you recounted the money that you earned from your first week working. 60,500 Mora… that should be plenty right? You paused. Actually, isn't that a lot of money? This seems like a lot for just a week of work. After pondering a few moments, you shrug the thought off.

You made sure to visit almost all the food stalls that were on the harbor to experience Liyue’s cuisine authentically, as well as how to make Xiao lanterns. After doing all the activities you possibly could, you made your way up the gigantic steps that led to the main road of the city.

As you made it to the top, you put your hands on your knees trying to catch your breath. From being on your feet all day from working plus the training the Xiao puts you through, it's safe to say you were pretty damn tired. You're kidding me. I can not be this out of shape! You thought.

Heaving one last breath, you straighten back up. You looked out to see the streets bustling with people with a slight grimace on your face at the crowds of people. You absolutely hated crowds of people because being around them just completely drains your energy.

However, your curiosity and astonishment motivated you to move forward. As you walked through the city, you kept an eye out for any clothing shops because you needed your own clothes, since that's pretty much what you came here for.

Letting your gaze continue to search through the windows of various different shops, your eyes landed on an article of clothing that caught your attention. You quickly make your way to the store and opened the doors, causing a bell above the door to let out a little chime and alert the store owner and other shoppers of your presence.

“Welcome!” They called out. You give them a small wave in response as you make your way over to the outfit. Once you made it, you reached your hand out to feel the smooth silk of the fabric. It was a beautiful sleeveless, purple dress that reached the middle of your thighs. Around the skirt of the dress laid two longer pieces that were a darker purple and draped along the sides. The top of the dress was two different colors, the right being a dark purple that were the same color of the longer pieces while the left was a lighter purple that matched the skirt, and had a high collar and with an opening in the chest area. The dress also adorned what looked like a wide obi belt, but you weren't too sure. The whole dress was trimmed with gold accents and had gold swirls all along it. Next to the dress were a pair of low ankle boots that matched the color theme.

This was the one.

You yoink it off the rack and look around for the owner. When you found them, you asked if they had any dressing rooms to try on the dress to which they led you to one. You begin to strip as soon as the door closes behind you. I really hope it fits otherwise I'll be heart broken.

As you slipped the dress over your head you zipped up the side and fastened the button on the collar. When you turn around to face the mirror, your eyes widen in surprise. Holy shit… I've never had a dress fit me so well. The dress sat magnificently on you and accentuated your curves. However… You looked down at your chest to see that your bra from your universe was most definitely visible thanks to the opening that went from the collar of the dress to the belt. I'm gonna have to do something about that. Looking back in the mirror you took notice of your tattoos. Those as well. You thought for a moment. Plus I don't particularly like wearing dresses unless I have leggings or something underneath it.

You begin to take the dress off and put your other clothes back on. I wonder if they would have some kind of body suit or something… You put the dress back on the hanger but continue to hold on to it. Making your way back towards the racks of clothing you begin your search.

As you walk through the aisles of clothing, you notice a black full body suit hanging on one of the racks. Bingo! You thought with a smile. You made your way to the suit, but you failed to notice the other body that was backing up into you.

Feeling a sudden weight on your right side, you stumble a little due to the force. However, the person that ran into had lost their balance and started to fall to the ground. Eyes widening in surprise, you were quick to catch them by grabbing them under their arms. When you looked down to check on the person to see if they were okay, you felt your breath hitch.

Staring back at you startled are lavender colored eyes that were lined with dark, thick lashes that belong to the one and only Ganyu.

You begin to feel your cheeks grow warm as you look down at the gorgeous half-adeptus in your arms. Ohfuckohfuckohfu– “Are you okay?” You asked worriedly. When you looked up to see what could have caused her to trip, you were greeted with the sight of a man that looked a little too pleased with himself. As he looked away from Ganyu and up to you, you made sure to give him the coldest glare you could manage – which made the man’s smirk falter and back up just a little.

Fucker.

Ganyu blinked as she came back to her senses. “Y-yes! I'm alright.” She gives you an appreciative smile. “Thank you.”

You return her smile. “It's no problem.” As you help her upright, you lean closer to her ear. “Do you know this guy?” You whispered. She looks at you from the corner of her eye and subtly shakes her head no.

You looked up to the creep and gave him an ‘innocent’ smile. “Is everything alright here?”

Realizing the slight hostile undertone in your voice, the man gives you a strained look. “Y-yes, everything's fine!” He stuttered and gestured to Ganyu. “I just thought I'd give this young lady a little help.”

Your eyes flicker from her back to the man. “She looks to be just fine on her own. What does she need help with?”

The man’s opens then closes, trying to think of a good excuse. “I… uh… well, she-!” You cut the man off with a raised hand.

“I'm going to stop you there. You're making yourself look like a fool.” You chastise. “It's obvious what you're doing and you're clearly making her uncomfortable. I suggest you stop now before you keep digging your grave even deeper.”

Eyes blown open and mouth agape, the man stares at you in shock from your words. Was I really that obvious? The man thought. He felt himself cowering in on himself under the heavy gaze of the two girls.

“Well, whatever.” He scoffed while avoiding eye contact, seemingly trying to act tough. “It's not like she was actually attractive.” Yet he received no reaction from either of the girls, as they continued to stare. The man began to fidget from their silence, then quickly turned around and left the store.

Both you and Ganyu let out a sigh. “Thankfully, that's over.” You tilt your head at Ganyu. “Does that happen often?”

“No, that was the first time it has ever happened.” She reveals. She then bows toward you. “Thank you for helping me.” When Ganyu straightens back up, she places a hand on her chest while giving you a sweet smile. “My name is Ganyu, secretary of the Yuhai Pavilion.”

God, she's even more gorgeous in real life… You flush a little as you give her a small bow in return. “It's nice to meet you, Miss Ganyu. I'm [Name] [Last Name].”

“It's a pleasure to meet you as well, Miss [Last Name]. Again, I do apologize for bumping into you earlier.” She tells you.

You wave your hand dismissively. “Just call me [Name], please. Calling me by my last name makes me feel old.” You joke.

Ganyu tilts her head curiously at you. “If I may ask, how old are you?” She asks innocently.

You pause, processing her question. Damn it. “I'm fifteen.” You manage out. I really hate telling people that because then they'll treat me like a child…

“Really?” She wonders aloud. “You're quite mature for your age and you seemed to know exactly what to do in the situation that happened earlier…” She trailed off.

You freeze hearing that. Oh shit! Has she caught on already?! You let out an awkward laugh. “Yeah, mature…” You say while making a subtle face. Although Xiao would disagree otherwise.

“Anyways, thank you once again for helping me. Is there anything I can do for you in return?” Ganyu asks.

You bring a finger to your chin and hum in thought. “Actually there is.” While Ganyu waits patiently for your request, you give her a smile. “Would you know of any stores that would have a body suit?”

The beautiful half-adeptus perks up in response. “As a matter of fact, this store has the same ones that I wear. Let me show you.” She then beckons you to follow her.

You do so with a skip in your step.

—

You and Ganyu soon left the shop, with you now wearing your new outfit that screamed main character. Thankfully the body suit was able to cover all of your tattoos. As you continued through the city, making light conversations with Ganyu, you watched as two little boys, who looked to be around the age of ten, chased each other around the streets while laughing. You watched them with a small smile. While you didn't like kids, you didn't necessarily hate them either. Plus it was kind of your profession to be able to take care of them as well. But you definitely didn't want any kids. Well, right now at least.

You watched as they weaved through the legs of strangers, trying to avoid getting hit. However, as the one with light blue hair raised a hand out in order to tag the other little boy with darker blue hair and an asymmetrical cut, a man that wasn't paying attention to what was in front of him went to take a step and kneed the poor boy hard in the head. The pale blue haired boy went down in an instant.

You let out a snort and raised a hand to your mouth to hide that you were laughing. “That poor kid just ate shit.” You couldn't help but let out a few chuckles at the kids unfortunate situation. Ganyu looked at you confused from the corner of her eyes. I'm a horrible person.

“I'm so sorry, buddy! Are you okay?” The young man that hit the boy asked as he crouched down. He received no reply as the boy laid still. The man started to shake the boy, seemingly beginning to panic.

“Hey…” He called out once more. “Are you okay?” He shook the boy frantically. Still, he received no reply. “This isn't funny, kid. Wake up!”

You stopped laughing and straightened your posture as your ‘doctor mode’ kicked in. Now you were getting concerned. Thousands of scenarios ran through your mind as to why the kid wasn't getting up. Is he concussed? Is he faking it? What's going on?

The other little boy that was running away, turned around when he heard yelling. His orange eyes widened in fear. “Chongyun!” He cried out and began running back to his friend.

Realization dawned on you. Those kids were Xingqiu and Chongyun. Your feet moved before you even noticed it as you rushed towards Chongyun and the man. Ganyu jumped when you began running and raised a hand to stop you. “[Name], wait!” But you were too far away to hear her over the people walking around.

A crowd began to form around the two to see what was happening. This caused the young man to panic even more. He looked up to the crowd. “Is there a doctor here? Please, anyone!” He cried out desperately, yet no one made a move to help.

You shook your head at the crowd. I see that the Bystander Effect is still a thing here. Xingqiu made it to Chongyun before you did, then got to his knees as soon as he reached him and started tapping Chongyun on the shoulder. “Chongyun?” He asked. “Wake up ‘Yun!”

You finally made it to the crowd and started elbowing your way through. “Excuse me! I'm a doctor, please let me through!” You yell out to the pedestrians. They turned and looked at you skeptically. Your lip curled up into a sneer at the people's ignorance. I don't have time for this.

“I said MOVE!” You yell out startling them in the process and forcing them to move. “Thank you!” You say exasperatedly, not forgetting your manners apparently. You quickly made your way over to Chongyun and got to your knees behind his head, gently placing your hands on either of his cheeks in order to stabilize his neck, in case he had injured it. Xingqiu noticed you and looked at you with tears eyes, worried out of his mind for his friend.

You looked to the man who started this whole mess. “What's going on? What happened?” You asked hurriedly while you checked Chongyun’s pulse.

The man seemed to be in a daze as he answered. “This kid just came out of nowhere. I had accidentally hit him with my knee and now he's not waking up.” He explained shakily. “Then this other kid just now showed up.” He pointed to Xingqiu. He then looked at you confused. “Aren't you a little young to be a doctor?”

You look at the man and give him a glare. “I don't think that matters right now since I'm the only one who even bothered to step in and help the poor child.” You glared at the rest of the crowd when you finished which made them avoid eye contact with you. Murmurs started to float through the crowd. What was this girl doing? Who is she? She's clearly too young to be a doctor.

You ignore their not so quiet whispering and look over to Xingqiu, giving him a reassuring smile. “Hey buddy,” you started softly. “What's your name?”

The normally composed boy let out a sniffle. “Xingqiu.” He responded. “My friend, Chongyun, isn't opening his eyes! Can you help?” He asked pleadingly.

“Don't worry baby, I'm a doctor.” You tell him, the pet name subconsciously slipping out of habit from when you worked with kids. “I'm going to help him and make sure he's okay.” Seventy beats per minute. Normal heart rate. Nineteen breaths per minute. Normal respiratory rate. If he wakes up soon, it'll most likely be just a slight concussion. You mentally start going down the checklist for head trauma patients when Chongyun finally opens his eyes.

Quickly taking notice, you yell at the crowd. “Everyone back up please! The kid is waking up so give him some space!” The crowd immediately backs away. You look back down at the boy who was wincing from the sunlight.

“Hey honey,” You gently try to get his attention, “can you hear me?”

Chongyun opened his eyes fully and looked at you, confused before squinting from the sunlight. From his position on the ground and the way the sunlight was hitting his baby blue eyes, you were able to see that his pupils were equal in size. Good. No anisocoria, no serious brain damage.

“Wha…?” Chongyun groaned out. With your hands on his cheeks, you gently tapped them to shift his attention back to you.

“Hey honey, look at me.” You instructed. “What's your name?”

The boy paused for a moment. “Chongyun.” He answered.

Alright that's one question. “It's nice to meet you Chongyun.” You smile at him. “Chongyun, do you know how old you are?” You continued.

“I'm ten.” He responded a little quicker this time. You nodded your head at him. That's two.

“Do you know where you're at, Chongyun?” You made sure to keep saying his name so that he would focus on you.

After a moment of silence, he responded. “I'm in Liyue.” He then closed his eyes and let out another groan. “My head hurts.”

“I know, dear. One last question, okay?” You tell him. He nods. “Do you know what happened to you?”

He thought for a moment. “I was… I was chasing Xingqiu,” said boy perked up in response to his name, “we were playing tag. I almost caught him then it suddenly got dark.” He opened his eyes and looked at you. “Why did it go dark?”

You give him a look of reassurance. “Your noggin got hit pretty hard and you fell down. You were asleep for a few minutes but you'll be okay.” You tilt your head. That's the last question. A and O times 4. He's alert and aware. “Does your head still hurt?” You asked as you began to palpate his neck, feeling for any serious injuries. You removed your hands when you found none.

He nodded. “Do you feel pain anywhere else? How about your neck?” He shakes his head in response.

“Good. Do you feel like sitting up for me sweetie?” You ask. Chongyun slowly moves to sit upright with your help and you guide him to the curb to sit on so he was out of the road. Xingqiu crawled over to his friend to see how he was doing, with you reminding him to overwhelm Chongyun. As you look out towards the crowd, you see Ganyu, who was carrying a cup of what you assumed was water, make her way over to your little group. She hands you the cup, which you thank her profusely, and you give it to Chongyun.

“Drink it slowly.” You advise him. “I don't want you choking on me now that you're awake.” You tease gently while sending a subtle wink to Xingqiu, causing the young boy to giggle.

He gingerly takes the cup from your hand. “Thank you ma’am.”

“Thank you, ma’am!” Xingqiu tells you as well.

“It's not a problem.” You reassure both of them with a smile. As soon as they saw that Chongyun was okay, the crowd dispersed and continued what they were doing. However, not without whispering amongst themselves how seemingly a teenager knew exactly what to do when taking care of an injured child.

You continued to sit with the two boys to monitor Chongyun, in case something suddenly went awry. Ganyu stayed as well, astounded at the young girl before her.

“What you did was quite impressive Miss [Name]!” The half adeptus praised. “I didn't know you were so vast in medical knowledge, and at such a young age too.”

You let out a few chuckles. “Well you only just met me today Miss Ganyu.”

She then gives you a sheepish look. “I was surprised to see you help him so quickly,” she leans in closer to whisper to you, “given that you were laughing at him earlier.”

“Oh… yeah,” You let out an uncomfortable laugh. “As long as they're not seriously hurt or in any danger, kids getting hit or falling is hilarious to me.” You let out a wince. “Wow, that sounds awful.”

“Yet you didn't hesitate to help him as soon as you saw that something was wrong.” Ganyu pointed out.

You lifted your hand to pet Chongyun on the head. “Well I've always wanted to be able to put my life to good use and help people in some way, so what better way than this? Helping people in their times of need.” You give Ganyu a cheeky smirk. “I may act all tough but I'm actually a big softie.”

“I'm well aware of that now.” Ganyu chuckles.

As you visited with the half-adeptus and two young boys, you failed to notice a pair of red eyes gazing at you with a look of mischief.

—

After triple checking that Chongyun was okay and him constantly telling you that he was, you wave the boys goodbye who returned it in full. Ganyu then tells you that she should continue running errands for Lady Nigguang and you may or may not have freaked out a bit inside when you heard her name. Waving to the half adeptus as well, you continue to wander aimlessly through the city.

You soon found yourself at the Wanmin restaurant, chef Mao working swiftly in the kitchen. He soon brought out your order and after paying, you made your way to the south side wharf. As you make your way to the dock, you sit down on the edge and look out at the ocean before you while swinging your legs. You welcomed the smell of salt water and the ocean breeze that fluttered around you, yet it did nothing to quarrel your racing thoughts.

I can't believe I've already been in Teyvat for a week and still don't have a fucking clue as to how I got here in the first place. You slide your hands down your face and clasped them together in front of your mouth. And Xiao has been no help to me in that matter unfortunately. The guy still doesn't talk to me that much anyways. Plus training with him has been difficult as well. I've learned that he's a super strict teacher and I've only managed to construct only two Geo items with him this past week but that was only when I was extremely frustrated or upset, so I have no clue as to how I'm going to be able to properly control the element… or that ‘particulation’ thingy with the weapons as well.

You drop your head in your hands and let out a whine. This is all so confusing! I really wish someone or something just give me some fucking answers!

You then look up and run your hands through your hair. Turning your head to the left, you see the giant Mingxiao lantern that was ready to be released once it was dark enough. You let out a sigh and try to relax. I should probably start looking for a place to watch it when it releases tomorrow. You stand up and start walking back to Feiyan Slope. Soon you crossed over the little bridge that connects Chihu Rock and Feiyan Slope. You decided to stick closer to the buildings to try and stay away from the crowds.

However, as you were too preoccupied to not hit anybody, you didn't notice a hand reaching out from an alleyway until it was too late. You felt a harsh tug on your left arm which caused you to let out a yelp. You quickly caught your bearings and when you turned to slapped your assailant, you froze as you saw a pale face that looked to be thirteen years old inches from yours. Red eyes with strange, floral shaped pupils came with the face and was framed with dark hair that faded into red.

Holy… Hu Tao? You wondered. But she looks a lot younger? Younger than this “me” that's for sure.

You give her a confused smile. “Um… hello?” Am I just going to meet every character in Liyue today?

“You're the one Mr. Zhongli told me about!” She exclaims. “It's nice to meet you! My name is Hu Tao!”

You swore you felt your soul leave your body when you heard his name. ZHONGLI?! HE’S LOOKING FOR ME?! OH SHI-! You're cut from your thoughts when Hu Tao starts pulling you. “Hey! W-wait!”

“C’mon! Mr. Zhongli is waiting for you back at the funeral parlor. It seemed like he wasn't too happy with you so we shouldn't keep him waiting any longer!” She giggles.

Yup, I'm officially dead. Maybe now I can go back to my world and be normal again.

Soon the young girl brings you to the doors of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. You gnawed on your lower lip. Fuck… I'm more nervous now than I was when I was taking the MCAT. Maybe because I'm meeting a FUCKING GOD?! You begin to slightly hyperventilate, the reality of the situation finally sitting in. FUCKFUCKFUCKFU-

You are once again snapped out of your internal freak out by Hu Tao pulling on your arm. The girl pushes the doors open while bringing you with her. The inside is about what you expected from a funeral parlor with coffins lining along the walls along with different types of shrines. After a few twists and turns, you and Hu Tao reach a very intricate door with a plate on it that says “Consultant: Zhongli”. You clench your jaw as you could practically feel the intense aura that radiated from him even through the door.

Without even knocking, Hu Tao busts through his door. “Mr. Zhongli! I found her! This is the girl you were looking for right?”

The wind gets knocked out of you upon finally seeing him in person and your knees about damn near buckle from underneath when you make eye contact with him. If you thought Xiao’s eyes were intense, then you don't even know how to describe Zhongli’s.

The Geo Archon narrowed his eyes towards you. “Indeed it is, Hu Tao.” His deep voice rumbled throughout the entire room and shook you to your core. “You may take your leave now.”

The young girl pouted. “Aw… and I wanted to see you scold her.”

A quick glance from the corner of his eyes was enough to make Hu Tao take the hint and leave, however not without whining on her way out.

As soon as Hu Tao was gone, Zhongli stood up and took large strides towards you, causing you to start panicking. Hu Tao, why did you have to leave me alone with an Archon?! Soon the man towered over you, forcing you to look up at him. The shadows that casted over his being due to him blocking out the overhead light made his striking amber eyes all the more intimidating. You felt like you were about to be pounced on like a mouse cornered by a barn cat.

Then Zhongli lowered his face closer to yours. “So you're the outlander who took my vision without permission.” He accuses. You feel your breath hitch in your throat and your palms beginning to clam up. You had never been more intimidated in your life and you have fought against people twice your size no problem before!

“Oh…! Um, t-that was me?” You stutter out. Your eyes widen when you realize just how fucking stupid you sounded.

Zhongli coolly looked at you. “Of course it was you. I knew that you were not of this world the moment you arrived in Liyue.” He tells you firmly while staring straight into your soul. “Now, do inform me on how you were able to acquire this power without a Vision granted from me?”

The silence was deafening in the room. You thought you were just about to faint until your experience from working under pressure in the emergency room decided to kick in and not fail you as you quickly composed yourself.

“In my defense,” you raise your hands. “it was completely out of my control.”

Zhongli raised an eyebrow, unconvinced.

You let out a sigh. “Here's what happened. A saw a Statue of Seven in Guili Plains, in all of its glory, and as soon as I was near it I felt a pulling sensation. Later that day I was extremely frustrated and all of a sudden a rock pillar just came out of the ground.”

Zhongli hummed in thought before finally standing back to his full height, allowing you to breathe again. He brought a hand to his chin and looked down in thought. “Interesting. I have not heard of such instances where that has ever happened, with me or any of the other Archons.” His eyes met yours again. “So what makes you special? So special that even the adeptus Xiao has decided to look after you?”

You couldn't help the exaggerated laugh that bubbled out of your throat. “Ha! I wish I knew, but your guess is as good as mine sweetheart.” You pause. “I also know that you're Morax too… if you haven't figured that out yet.” You finish meekly. WHAT THE FUCK AM I SAYING?!

The Geo Archon’s eyes widen at you. “How did you know that? Where exactly did you come from?” He interrogates.

You quickly explain to him the same thing that you told Xiao, that he was from a video game and that you were aware of what was to come in the future as well as how you somehow physically de-aged.

“Interesting.” Zhongli thought for a moment. “It appears that you come from a similar universe in which our’s exists but in a completely different manner.”

“How much of our universe do you know through this ''game”?” He questions.

“I know of some future events that will happen, but the lore of the story is still a complete mystery. We don't even know how long the main story of the game is.” You say.

Zhongli pondered. “I see. If you know what is to happen in the future, then it would be best to let things run their course and not intervene with it.”

“Yeah, the butterfly effect and shit like that.” Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise as you subconsciously swore. You quickly slap a hand over your mouth. “Sorry… it's a bad habit.” You apologize quietly.

Zhongli decided to ignore your mishap. “So you're aware of what could happen. And since you're already aware of my identity, I presume that you know that I go by Zhongli now?”

You nod your head. “Yes, I do.” You then realized that you haven't introduced yourself. You quickly bowed towards him. “My name is [Name] by the way! [Name] [Last Name].”

Zhongli nodded. “It's a pleasure to finally know the name of the outlander that took my Vision without consent.”

You make a face at his snarky comment. “Is it a pleasure though?” You muttered rhetorically.

“Let's continue with your situation.” Zhongli diverted the conversation back on track. He then looked towards you. “Perhaps if you tried to remember the events that happened to you before you came here, that may give us a better idea as to the reason why you're here.” He then gestures to one of the chairs in front of his desk. “Please have a seat. It will be easier for you to remember if you're comfortable.”

“I do remember being on a bridge but that's the only thing I know now.” Moving to sit down, you tuck your dress skirt underneath you and cross your legs, trying to look somewhat professional. You take a deep breath as you gather thoughts. What happened before coming here? What was I doing? You lean forward and rest your elbows on your knee while interlacing your hands, then put your forehead against them. You close your eyes and your eyebrow twitches into a furrow as you begin to concentrate. [e/c] eyes move rapidly behind eyelids as memories start to form.

“A hospital…” You began. “I was working a shift in the hospital.”

—

“Hi Miss Bradford!” You cheerily call out as you knock on the door. The old woman looked up from her magazine and smiled at you with dull blue eyes.

“Dr. [Last Name]. How are you doing sweetheart?” She asks softly. Miss Bradford was a quiet old lady in her seventies with salt and pepper hair and the brightest, most gorgeous blue eyes you had ever seen.

That was before she had started chemotherapy.

Miss Bradford was your most recent patient. You had treated her a few months ago when she came to your emergency room with intense chest pains. After taking multiple different CAT scans and MRIs, you and several other doctors had concluded her diagnosis as breast cancer. Although you admitted her to Oncology, she kept having complications when she had started chemotherapy; causing you to see her quite frequently.

Today was the day Miss Bradford would start her third round of chemo and you decided to bring her her favorite lunch before starting. Miss Bradford was hell bent on beating this cancer but after her most recent round she had started to lose her appetite. Which was never a good sign for a cancer patient.

“I'm doing well, thank you. And I thought I told you to call me [Name]?” You grab a chair and pull it up next to her bed.

She gives you a small smile. “But you worked so hard to earn the title of a doctor. I'm only giving you the respect you deserve.”

You shook your head playfully at the older woman. “How're you feeling today?”

She let out a sigh. “Tired, but better than yesterday. I'm ready to get this damn treatment over with.” She grumbled.

“That's good! Do you feel like eating today?” You ask.

She shook her head. “Not really but knowing you, you'll probably force me to eat anyways.” She looked at the plastic sack in your hand. “Whatcha got there?”

“Well hopefully this will bring your appetite back for today. It's your favorite!” You raise the bag higher and place it on her food tray. “Almond Tofu! I remember you telling me that it was your go to desert when you lived in Singapore, so I had one of my foreign exchange friends teach me how to make it.” You let out a dramatic sigh. “I can't tell you how many times I messed up baking this damn dessert.”

Miss Bradford looked at the sweet treat with tears in her eyes. “Oh, [Name]…” She let out a wet laugh. “You didn't have to do that.”

You smiled at the older woman. “I know I didn't have to, but I wanted to.”

She suddenly reaches over as quickly as all the tubes hooked up to her allowed her and brought you into a tight hug. You fretted over her before she cut you off.

“Thank you, [Name].” She whispered. You reciprocated her hug gently.

“You're welcome, Miss Bradford. Though I can't guarantee it'll be just like the real thing.” You playfully warned.

She let out a laugh as she pulled away from the hug. “I'm sure it will be wonderful.” She gives you a grateful smile. She then evenly separates the dessert and gives you half of it. You shook your hands no at the offer.

“No no, Miss Bradford, I made this for you so you don't have to share it with me.” You politely decline.

She glares at you but smiles. “I know I don't have to but I want to.” She quipped.

You gasp. “How dare you throw my own words back at me!”

“Just take the damn dessert, Dr. [Last Name].” She laughed out loud.

Letting out a sigh, you grab the plate from her and begin to eat with her. You both chatted for a couple of minutes after finishing before you were paged to be back down in the emergency room. You grabbed the plastic container the dessert was in and threw it away. As you moved the chair back to its proper place, you looked at Miss Bradford.

Reaching a hand out, you place it over her own. “Thank you for eating today, Miss Bradford.” You tell her sincerely. “I know it's getting hard but all of the nurses are telling me that you're doing great.”

“Just two more rounds and it will be over.” You encouraged her.

The older woman nods as she grasps your hand and gives it a tight squeeze. A nonverbal thank you.

“Do you need anything else before I leave?” You ask.

She shakes her head. “No, Dr. [Last Name]. I'm quite alright. Now go save some lives.” She lets go of your hand and shoos you off.

You roll your eyes teasingly. “I'll be back to check on you after your treatment. Try not to see me this time around!” You open the door and wave back at her. “Good luck! You got this!” You then swiftly leave the room and head back to your station.

As soon as you were gone, Miss Bradford’s smile dropped immediately. She laid her head back and lifelessly looked at the ceiling. Tears started to fall from her cobalt eyes as she thought about you and the gift you had made for her.

“I'm gonna miss you, [Name].” She whispered into the empty room.

—

After three days, you fortunately had the day off from working so you immediately went to go see Miss Bradford.

You soon made it to the familiar room. “Hi Miss Bradford! How do you feel-” You stop in your tracks upon seeing Miss Bradford lying in front of you. The older woman looked nothing like what you had seen three days prior. Her beautiful salt and pepper hair had begun to fall out and her skin looked like it was barely hanging onto her bones.

You quickly come back to reality. This is what chemo does. And elderly people tend to not survive the drug. You remind yourself.

You take a deep breath and walk towards the bed. “Miss Bradford?” You call out. “It's me, Dr. [Last Name].”

The woman slowly opened her eyes. Her bleary and glazed over eyes tiredly searched for the voice calling out to her before landing on your form. Her dull blue eyes light up in recognition.

“[Name].” She croaked out yet still gave you a smile.

You give a smile right back to her. “Hi Miss Bradford.” You greet softly. You squat down next to the bed so it was easier to make eye contact. “How're you feeling?”

She let out a tired sigh. “Like shit.”

You chuckled quietly before you both sat in silence for a few moments. You open your mouth to say something but the older woman beats you to it.

“I don't think I'm gonna make this round, sweetheart.”

You clench your jaw hearing her statement. “Don't say that.” You tell her firmly. “I thought you wanted to kick this cancer’s ass?”

The poor woman couldn't even manage a chuckle. “Don't all patients say that?” She asked. She looks past you and out the window. “I think it's my time. I can feel it.”

She then closed her eyes and gave you a grateful smile while reaching up to cup your cheek. “Thank you, [Name], for sticking by my side even when my own children didn't. I couldn't have asked for a more wonderful doctor to take care of me.”

You held the hand that was on your cheek and gave the older woman a sad smile as if to say “I'm sorry for not doing enough”, yet she seemed to understand what your smile conveyed as she began to caress your cheek as a means to console you.

“Keep saving lives, Dr. [Last Name].”

The steady flat note of a heart rate monitor tells you that your patient has finally passed away.

Her hand that was on your cheek laid flaccid on your own. You closed your eyes and let out a shaky sigh. After a few minutes of sitting in silence with your deceased patient, you press the nurse’s call button. You then place her hand next to her on the bed. Shortly after several nurses come into the room and begin to console you while covering Miss Bradford’s body with the sheet. You watched them as they wheeled her out of the room.

She told you to keep saving lives and you plan on doing just fucking that.

—

It was dark out when you finally left the hospital after you said your last goodbyes to Miss Bradford. The temperature had dropped significantly causing a shiver to run down your spine and goosebumps form on your arms.

You're not going to lie. Even though she told you that she was ready and already accepted her death, you couldn't help but feel like you failed her; so you were feeling pretty depressed. Everybody was so determined to get her healthy again, to go back to a somewhat normal life again. But it was never that easy.

You passed several buildings as you continued home. Soon you were passing your current town's local park when you suddenly stopped, a sudden feeling of anxiety had come out of nowhere. It felt like there were eyes on you, watching your every move. Your face sets into a hard glare to try and look intimidating. You turn around in a circle trying to find any suspicious people, yet you only found yourself alone in the street which unsettled you even more.

A sudden rustling causes you to whip your head to the right. Your eyes immediately lock onto a bright pair of golden ones that look at you from the tree line. Neither one of you refused to blink or look away, seeing who would back down first.

Your eyes widen when the other set of eyes seem to just dissipate into thin air. After a few moments of trying to process what the hell just happened, you shake your head.

I must be going insane. You thought. When you turned around to continue home, your gaze caught sight of something on the sidewalk. On the sidewalk was what looked like gold flecks of dust hovering in front of you. Being the completely logical person you were, you tried to kick the dust away from you. However doing so only caused more gold flecks to appear and soon a trail of them started to manifest that led into the forest where you saw the pair of eyes. You looked at the trail bewildered. What the actual fuck is going on? You drop your head and let out a defeated sigh.

“Yeah, I'm over this.” You mumble out loud. You walk through the trail dead set on going home and sleeping for the entire day tomorrow. Now you weren't going to lie, yes you do get upset whenever one of your patients pass away, but normally not this upset because that was part of your job; it's bound to happen. But Miss Bradford’s death seemed to be taking a bigger toll on you than you thought.

However, as you tried to walk through the trail it forcefully turned your body to walk to the forest. Your eyes widen as your adrenaline spikes and your fight or flight kicks in as you start thrashing around, trying to release its invisible hold on you.

“Hey, wait! Stop!” You cry out. You whip your head in all directions, trying to look for someone to help you. “Help! Anyone, please!” Yet all you received was silence from the empty street. While the gold dust continued to push you toward, you still tried to fight against it though you quickly began to falter thanks to the mentally and physically taxing day you just went through.

As if it had sense you were giving up, the trail abruptly stopped pushing you. For a split second you thought about running off again but decided against it. You watched as the trail formed and led even deeper into the forest where the bushes and trees were so thick that not even the bright moon that was above could illuminate it. Your eyes flicker down to the trail before going back to the forest then back down to the trail. You grimace at the trail as if you were saying “do I really have to?” to it.

All of a sudden, your head whips up to the tree line as you hear music softly playing from it. From your limited musical knowledge, it sounded like it was a harp or some type of string instrument. You feel your muscles relax and your heart slows its frantic pace as the soft melody coursed around you, like a warm comforting blanket that had just come out of the dryer, and a sense of peace had washed over you.

The logical side of your brain was screaming at you to not listen to it. To not be a dumbass and see where it was coming from. To run away as fast as you could while screaming for help, yet you already knew that wasn't going to work. But the hypnotic song that the harp-like instrument was playing kicked that side of your brain to the curb as it lured you into the forest.

Your feet moved before you even realized it and soon you began to bush limbs away. After a few minutes of trying to follow where the music was coming from, it started to get louder and then light filtered through the trees. You quickened your pace and pushed away the last of the trees, but froze in your place as the music suddenly stopped and at what you walked upon.

In front of you was nothing but a vast and endless bright blue sky. From above where the sun continued to glow brightly but seemed to be twice the size of what it was before, to below you where you could see a single hint of land anywhere. Clouds rolled by thanks to the gentle breeze that blew past you and tall pillars were littered throughout the area, some were even floating!

You turn back to the forest behind you with a confused expression before looking back at the open sky. Wasn't it just night before? And why is this… oddly familiar? Where have I seen this before? You wondered.

You jumped nearly ten feet in the air when you heard a noise at your feet. You look down to see individual slabs of concrete form a bridge several feet out in front of you and the gold trail resumes onto the bridge.

You stare at the bridge processing what just occurred. You could practically hear the Jeopardy theme song playing in the background. You sharply inhale and your eyes widen when finally realized why this was all familiar.

Motherfucking Genshin Impact! I thought I recognized this loading screen!

You place a hesitant foot on the bridge, expecting it to crumble but it stood sturdy. You take another step, then another, and after four steps the bridge begins to form out again. You keep walking as the bridge does so. You do this for a few moments, giggling to yourself about what is actually transpiring.

“I really have gone insane.” You laughed. “Ah, and my future was so promising.”

A loud boom from below cuts you off from your self deprecating thoughts. What the hell? You get down on your knees and crawl over the edge of the bridge to see a huge black rip in the sky.

“Outlanders,” A voice boomed out. “your journey ends here.”

And out stepped the Unknown God.

Oh shit. You gasp quietly as your heart rate accelerates at the sight of her. She's hotter in person. You looked around for the twins and quickly spotted them on a platform just below the Unknown God.

“Who’re you?” The queen herself, Lumine, calls out.

“The sustainer of heavenly principles.” The Unknown God summons a black cube in her hand. “The arrogation of mankind ends here.” She then creates a cube below the twins, forcing them to jump out of the way. They spin in the air and summon their, much cooler than the ones in the game, wind gliders with swords in hand.

The Unknown God sends multiple horrifying trails of cubes after the twins, forcing them to fly and twirl out of the way of them while causing the whole sky to rumble somehow. Soon the twins fly towards the Unknown God and collide with her creating a huge explosion.

The explosion caused the bridge you were on to shake due to the force. You grabbed on tighter to the ledge in hopes of keeping your balance, but an aftershock made you slip off from the edge. You let out a terrified scream as you suddenly began to fall.

Your scream caught the trio's attention and made them look at you. The twin’s faces morph into a shocked and horrified expression as you fall while the Unknown God’s eyes narrow in recognition. “There you are.” And sent cubes after you, yet you are completely immune to what's happening around you thanks to the wind that was blowing in your ears.

Lumine quickly yelled to her brother. “Aether, catch her!” She diverted her attention back to the god. “I'll take care of this!”

Aether jumped into action and quickly flew to you. He willed his wind gliders to move faster than the cubes and was soon on you. He then flies underneath you and catches you bridal style. You let out a loud “oof” as you roughly collided with something and opened your eyes, which had subconsciously closed when you fell, to see Aether flying away with you in his arms and away from the cubes.

Aether looks down to your wind blown form. “Are you okay?” He asks gently. How you could hear him over the wind, you didn't know, but you could only stare at him in shock, not actually believing that he was real.

Taking in your silence as being in shock from the fall, he flies higher in the air and turns to the Unknown God to see his twin getting sucked into the god’s cubes.

“Lumine!” He cried out. He looked between you and his sister before ultimately throwing you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes while keeping a firm hold on your thighs. He zooms to the god at high speeds which catches you off guard.

“What the fuck?!” You screech. You were starting to get a little motion sickness from all of the sudden movements.

Aether dips behind the god and swings his sword at her which causes an even larger explosion than before. You let out a scream at the loud sound. You could feel Aether’s chest rising and falling rapidly under your legs due to him panting. You hear him gasp and you turn over his head to see what was happening, though you already knew.

However, the sight of the smoke from the explosion coming back and encasing Aether’s hand was more terrifying in real life than it was in the game.

“Hold on!” He orders then quickly readjusted you so that he had a hold of your waist. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and cover your face in his shoulder, bracing for any sort of pain. Soon your vision started to turn black, but before it covered it entirely you heard Aether scream out to the Unknown God.

“Wait, don't go! Give my sister back!”

—

A/N: Kazuha is now officially the ninth member of the harem. Also, y'all... Inazuma? Lord help me I want to add Gorou and Thoma to the harem as well.

Side note, for all of the male characters that have a "young adult" physique like Aether, Kazuha, Xiao, etc. they're taller than they are in the game, from 5'6"-5'8" (Xiao still being the shortest) while those with an "adult" are anywhere from 5'10-6'2", because I said so lol.

[itsclydebitches]

I kinda wonder, what could bakugou do (hori write bakugou to do) to make him less popular with the "anti" crowd. Like He was a horrid child no doubt and people who try to put blame on Deku or lessen the terrible shit bakugou did aren't great. But as we don't rly see it, we have to assume bakugous behaviour wasn't stopped, we only ever saw his mum "punishing" him when he was being rude after getting kiddnapped. Nothing will excuse what bakugou did, but he has stopped? He's overall a harsh person but he's not harrassing and bullying people anymore, specifically not deku, he's trying to attone for what he did to deku and has now apologised for it. His behaviour was never viewed as justified or good in the series, he's a scary figure in middle school, we're not meant to like his behaviour, so the series itself hasn't justified his actions.

As someone who relate to both bakugou and deku more than I'd like to admit (never told someone to jump tho, that's fucked lol) so I can 100% understand not liking or even hating bakugou but as someone who's not 15 anymore, looking back I also made a lot of really shitty decisions and like bakugou have tried to make up for it, and like deku I was 'friends' with people who hurt me.

Is there anything he can do for the "antis" to just dislike him rather that be "anti"?

(I'm very sorry if you've talked about this somewhere, you can just tell me to look for it if you have, I'll continue to look for your posts on the subject)

Hey there, anon! I think I’ve spoken about this only tangentially and/or in my main Bakugo meta, which is too big for anyone sane to read. So yeah, let’s chat here!

For me personally—and that’s all I can ever do: speak personally. I think it’s important to keep in mind that there is no single solution to please the “anti” crowd. Each fan will be looking for something slightly different in Bakugo’s character, much of which might contradict what a “stan” is currently enjoying. Given how charged a character he is, I'm not sure it's possible to get the entire fandom to like him—what I’m looking for hinges on having a different reading of the story than you seem to. Meaning, I think the series does justify his behavior. Not in any overt, super obvious way like having all the characters go, “Wow, Bakugo! I sure do love how you threaten people all the time. That’s super cool and heroic!” Things are rarely that straightforward. Rather, it’s in a more subtle, but consistent manner that paints a rather conclusive picture across hundreds of chapters.

Simply put, Bakugo is continually rewarded for his actions. Or, if not outright rewarded, his actions are ignored in a way that implies silent acceptance. Characters may not always like what he does... but they're willing to let it slide because Bakugo's heroism was always treated as a given, not something he had to earn and prove.

With the ever necessary disclaimer that I’m not fully caught up yet, here’s a list of some of the things that stood out to me in the first half of the series:

Bakugo’s bullying made him the most popular kid in school.

Bakugo’s bullying was ignored by/outright supported by the teachers.

Bakugo’s bullying did not hinder him from getting into U.A., one of the most prestigious hero schools around.

Despite acting horribly throughout his time at U.A. too, this behavior was continually ignored by the teachers and other authority figures around him.

Bakugo’s struggle to realize that other people aren’t “trash” doesn’t hurt his achievements in any way. He still gets top scores, still wins the tournament, etc.

Bakugo’s behavior gets him special attention from All Might, the greatest hero and Bakugo’s personal idol.

His behavior doesn’t make others dislike him in any manner that’s taken seriously. Everybody is still willing to not just put up with Bakugo, but—in time—start treating his behavior as a quirk (no pun intended lol) that they’re secretly fond of, rather than something he should legitimately be striving to change. Kirishima is the most overt example of this.

This is compounded by his behavior constantly being framed as humorous. Much like with Mineta’s perverted actions, characters might superficially go, “No, that’s bad!” but the story never demands any significant development because then we’d lose the “joke” of Bakugo screaming in rage at the slightest inconvenience, threatening to murder someone over nothing, constantly belittling everyone around him in a “funny” manner, etc. When fans talk about development of a manga character as archetypal and extreme as Bakugo, most don’t really want to see significant change to his base personality. Because then that would result in someone who doesn’t look like the “real” Bakugo: someone nicer, more even-tempered, more mature, etc. But for those of us who were never drawn to that personality in the first place, the continued acceptance of his rude, egotistical, and violent behavior is discomforting. The easiest comparison I can draw is between this and Bakugo’s mother slapping him. That slap is meant to be another “joke”—we see it constantly in shonen anime, something "humorous" you shouldn’t take too seriously because haha, it's just an overprotective mother—but many fans do take it seriously, using it as the basis for a whole “Bakugo was abused and this explains his behavior” reading. Well, I take the “joke” of Bakugo’s threats and insults seriously, especially in a story that starts with something like telling Izuku to jump off the roof. In the same way that many fans want others to treat Bakugo’s mother as a serious topic that has had a negative influence on his development, I want the series to take Bakugo’s everyday actions seriously as a negative influence on… well, everyone around him. But it doesn’t. His base personality is grudgingly adored.

The above two points are seen most overtly in Izuku, who never wavers in his respect for Bakugo despite how Bakugo treats him. Not just prior to U.A., but during their training too. Izuku, as the protagonist, is the emotional heart of this tale, so when he talks about how inspiring Bakugo is, it encourages the reader to see his behavior as inspiring too. Rather than, as said, something that needs to change. Izuku's continued friendship with Bakugo, his adoration of him, and his acceptance of the way he's treated has severely warped how the entire story sees Bakugo's actions. After all, if #pure Izuku can see the good in Bakugo, why can't everyone else? He must not be that bad after all.

I could get into detailed analyses of all the above—like how Bakugo was the one comforted after attacking Izuku outside the dorms at night and how the messed up relationship he has with Izuku is upheld as something to nurture; how the remedial courses he had to take were made to be rather silly, thereby undermining their supposed importance to his development; how Bakugo’s kidnapping had nothing to do with his flaws, but much of the fandom uses it as a way to dismiss any appropriate consequences because, “Hasn’t he suffered enough?” etc.—but in the interest of keeping this within a readable length, I’ll leave it at that. The point is that Bakugo has always been privileged when it comes to his behavior, resulting in others either outright praising it, ignoring it, or demanding that he change a miniscule bit, which always keeps him far below the standards of both his peers and the expectations of a hero. Everyone in 1-A must learn to be even better than the good people they already are... Bakugo needs to learn that other people aren't dirt at the bottom of his shoes. It's never been a particularly impressive development when pit against the rest of the class. All of which can make something like an apology feel pretty hollow. Yes, he’s apologized and I say with all seriousness that that’s great! But how does that apology stack up against 300+ chapters of content? As Bakugo’s words highlight, he's been a really awful person up "until now": he was consumed by Izuku being “miles ahead of [him],” he “looked down on [him]” because he didn’t have a quirk, he “didn’t want to recognize that,” he “hated that,” “grew distant,” “tried to beat you down,” “opposed you and tried to show my superiority over you,” and ends it all with, “it probably doesn’t mean anything telling you all this” before finally getting to the “I’m sorry.” This is basically a laundry list of how horrible a person Bakugo has been for the entire series, with an acknowledgement that this apology is coming really, really late. This is the moment where I could START to like Bakugo, depending on how he acts form here on out, but that pivotal moment arrived after six years of content and in the final arc of the story. It’s too late. Bakugo needed this kind of self-reflection and positive action 250+ chapters ago so he could (hopefully) grow into a better person across the story, not at the story's end. What we got instead is 322 chapters of him being a really horrible person, but the story going out of its way to excuse or even praise that behavior the majority of the time.

As a quick comparison to end on, I think what Bakugo needed was what Soo Jin got in True Beauty. You don’t need to have seen the drama to follow along. The tl;dr is that she has a lot of the core qualities of Bakugo: an all-consuming drive to win that was created due to abusive parents with high expectations, resulting in her bullying a peer to a pretty horrific extent. The difference between them is how the story frames their actions. When Soo Jin becomes the bully she loses everything. Rather than succeeding academically, her grades plummet, making it clear that this anxiety and self-doubt (things the fandom keeps insisting Bakugo is struggling with, but that rarely ever show up in the text) is actually impacting her day-to-day life. Her best friend drops her because she’s not going to support her choices. The boy she likes rejects her. She’s eventually forced to start over somewhere new - which importantly separates her from the girl she was bullying - and get some distance from her parents, resulting in the growth needed to become a healthier, happier, good person again. So when Soo Jin apologizes to the girl she hurt, it feels earned. The story continually recognized how horrific her actions were and put her into a place where she either had to change, or continue losing at everything else that was important to her. Bakugo? Bakugo doesn’t lose. Oh, he claims he does because he’s comparing himself to Izuku constantly, but that’s just him thinking in extremes. He still wins academically. Still wins many battles. Still wins at having friends. Still wins by maintaining the prestige of being a U.A. student. Still wins by getting All Might’s attention. Still wins by receiving Izuku’s respect and an agreement to maintain this rivalry that Bakugo is so obsessed with. Bakugo comes out well 99% of the time, he just thinks he's "lost" because he can't stand not being the absolute best.

For me, the story needed to have Bakugo face consequences for his behavior, not receive rewards and/or have others ignore it, and that revelation/apology needed to come way, way sooner. For me the issue is not a specific action that Horikoshi can have Bakugo do in the next chapter and them bam, I like him now. The problem is Bakugo’s entire concept, how he’s received by the entire cast, and his run across this entire series. "Entire" is the key word there. Which is why the “But he’s apologized. What more do you antis want?” reactions don’t sit well. What we wanted is a better written redemption arc across those 300+ chapters, not a single scene that’s meant to have us forget all the other problems inherent in the story. At this point it’s a far more complicated situation than, “Bakugo just needs to do X, Y, and Z and then we’re golden.” At the end of the day, Horikoshi failed to make me like him as a person and I’m pretty sure he isn’t going to change Bakugo enough to make him likable to me. Bakugo was never the sort of character I’d be inclined towards without a serious, nuanced redemption arc, but sadly, a core, crucial part of that redemption arc took six years to arrive. At this point there’s no way to change the problems in Bakugo’s writing for that huge chunk of the series and not enough time left in the series, it seems, to do the work we should have seen across the entire run. Honestly, idk if the Bakugo we'll get going forward is someone I can just dislike as opposed to being really uncomfortable with, but my money is on there being too little story left and too much investment in upholding Bakugo's base personality for that to happen. I could absolutely be proven wrong! But I think the problems are structural and needed to be better dealt with from page one, not hastily patched over in the final hour.

[multi-lefaiye]

13, 14, 15, 29, and 37!

hello!!!

13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?

I don't remember where I saw this, but I think the best writing advice I've come across is that, generally speaking, there is no such thing as a bad concept. Pretty much any idea can work with the right approach! Sometimes it takes a while to find that approach, and it might be hard to make that concept work, but there's pretty much always a way.

14. What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever come across?

That tumblr post out there that was like. This person listing a bunch of examples of figurative/descriptive language (such as describing a character as choking out words or hissing as they speak) and complaining about how it's not realistic. Like sure everyone has their own personal taste but you will take my descriptive language from my cold dead hands.

15. If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose?

This is a lot of power you're giving me right now. Anyway UHH out of the fanfiction I've written, if I could somehow make a film version of my Unwind fic Twelve Years that'd be pretty cool. Even if it's not done and it's been a hot fucking minute since I updated it, I think it's a fun look into a fucked up universe and an exploration of like... a character who's extremely far removed from the main characters of the series and is just trying to survive the best they can.

Out of my original WIPs, if any of them were filmed I'd be pretty excited I think, but if The Ruins of Memory was filmed that’d be fun, but it’d have to have SO many effects....

29. If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

OKAY HOLY FUCK. There's a few but I'll share the one I'm thinking about the most rn.

So there's this Saw fic I read recently that will not leave my fucking head. I have reread it several times and it's already a comfort story for me. It's called Must Be A Devil Between Us by Vulcanodon (not gonna link it directly here b/c there is explicit content in the third chapter) and it's like. My favorite fic I've seen so far with the premise of Adam surviving and reconnecting with Lawrence, not knowing that Lawrence is now an apprentice for Jigsaw.

What I like about Must Be A Devil Between Us is that, imo, it uses dramatic irony very well, and even though it's focused on Adam and his perspective, it still portrays Lawrence and his psychology in a really interesting way!! I'd fucking love a continuation into this particular fic's version of the series, though I definitely respect that the author isn't planning to at this time.

Also I love that fic because there's like... a very fun bit of ironic comedy in the fact that Adam COMPLETELY misinterprets Lawrence trying to confess the whole "I'm working for a serial killer now" thing. Lawrence says that there's a secret he had to keep from his wife that ultimately ended their relationship, and he feels that Adam is someone he can be honest with and be himself. And Adam's like, "Oh he's gay? Neat. Guess I'm not as subtle as I thought about my own orientation if he only feels comfortable telling ME about it." It makes me laugh <3

Either that or a continuation of that one fic where Adam ends up in a time loop, that would also be really fucking good.

37. Talk about your current wips.

Ok we're gonna be here all day if I list every WIP, both original and not, so I'll try to keep this brief <3 I'll share one thing about each WIP.

The Ruins of Memory - This may be on hold until further notice, but don't worry, I think about my sad post-apocalyptic furries all the fucking time.

A Modern Ghost Story - Well this started as my attempt to make a fun story about ghost-hunters (in the style of Buzzfeed Unsolved) stumbling across a real haunting, but the lore's out of hand so I'm not sure where it's going now.

God Died With Wooden Bones - This story's plot is still very vague in my head but I do at least know the backstory. I have that going for me. Anyway this, if you can believe it, is chock full of bones and skeletal imagery!

CUDAAS - I really need to get a proper title for this before it's too fucking late- Anyway Alekto, one of the first book's protags, was originally meant to be a very minor character until I thought about the three personality traits I gave them and went "oh there's something here."

Bleeding Over Eden - This story is really metaphorical and I'm realizing more and more that the whole thing can be read as an allegory for coming to terms with the worst parts of yourself and moving past grief. I have a theme, evidently.

For We Are Both Fragile Things - The prequel to Bleeding Over Eden, Fragile Things is all about some really REALLY sad gay people who slowly get angry and bitter due to factors that are mostly behind their control.

Magic Apocalyptica - Wuh-oh, how did the planet get all these fucking holes in it!! This isn't one single WIP and more just a setting I've been developing but it's there.

And the unnamed WIP I'm currently referring to in my head as Sad People WIP: I'm gonna be honest that this has very little so far aside from Themes and Base Concepts but I still am thinking about it and microwaving it in my brain.

I feel like I'm forgetting things. But this is very long so I'm gonna call it for now <3

[xiyao-feels]

Nie//yao (MDZS)

So NMJ/JGY is actually getting two versions, because my read on them is wildly different for MDZS vs CQL.

In MDZS I...don't ship it? I mean, there just doesn't seem to be to be anything there at all of a romantic or sexual nature. It's not that they don't care about each other, they clearly do, but it's in a way that is...NMJ as substitute father, JGY as substitute brother, and heavily, heavily inflected by their (current and then former) relationship as superior and subordinate.

Putting this behind a cut because a) it's me explaining at breath length with quotes why I don't think they have a romantic or sexual relationship and I don't want people to have to see that unless they want and b) accordingly it is REALLY LONG and I also don't want to clutter people's dashes, so.

Actually backing up a step, I don't see MDZS NMJ as being attracted to anyone, that's not really specific to JGY. I tend to read him as aspec, tbh. So theoretically he could have romantic feelings about JGY without being attracted to him—I think he may have some quasi-romantic feelings for LXC, though I don't think he conceptualizes it that way—but... honestly, it's not really clear to me that he even likes JGY as a person.

I'm not saying he doesn't like JGY! He clearly does, at least before MY tricks him and flees. But it doesn't seem to have anything to do with MY's personality, as opposed to like—MY being really competent and conducting himself well.

Some quotes about what exactly NMJ values about JGY:

'Nie MingJue interrupted him, “I promoted you not because I wanted you to give back anything out of gratitude. I simply thought that you should stay in this position, since you are capable enough and your conduct is to my liking. If you really want to pay me back, just kill a few more of those Wen-dogs on the battlefield!”'

'After [Meng Yao] left [for Langya], Nie MingJue switched to another deputy. Wei WuXian, however, felt that the new one was always a few beats slower. Meng Yao was an unusually clever talent. He could understand what wasn’t said, and perform to the best with the simplest orders. He was efficient and never slacked. Anyone used to him wouldn’t be able to refrain from comparing him with others.'

'Nie MingJue was never close to people. He rarely opened up to anyone. Though he finally managed to obtain a competent, trustworthy subordinate, whose character and capabilities he approved, he found that the subordinate’s true colors were nothing like what he had thought they were. It was only natural that his reaction was so extreme.'

'Wei WuXian had once found it strange as well. Ever since Meng Yao betrayed the QingheNie Sect, the relationship between Nie MingJue and him hadn’t been the same as before. Then why did they later become sworn brothers? From his observations, aside from how Lan XiChen brought it up, having always hoped that the two would reconcile, the most important factor was probably the gratitude of saving his life and writing the letters. To be precise, in his past battles, he had more-or-less depended on the information that Meng Yao sent over through Lan XiChen. He still thought that Jin GuangYao was a talented person whom one would rarely come upon, and intended on leading him back onto the right path. However, Jin GuangYao wasn’t his subordinate anymore. Only after they became sworn brothers would he have the status and the position to urge Jin GuangYao, like how he disciplined his younger brother, Nie HuaiSang.'

Jin GuangYao spoke with dejection, “But, Brother, didn’t you hear what he said in the oath? Every sentence meant something more. ‘Face a thousand accusing fingers, be torn from limb to limb’—this was clearly a warning for me. I… I’ve never heard of such an oath before.”

Lan XiChen replied in a gentle voice, “He said ‘if one were to think otherwise’. Do you think otherwise? If not, then why should you worry over it so much?"

Jin GuangYao, “I don’t, but Brother has already decided that I do, so what can I do?”

Lan XiChen, “He has always cherished your talent, hoping that you would choose the right path.”

You might notice a recurring theme here: there's a lot of focus JGY's competence and conduct. But anything about who JGY is as a person? Not so much.

They clearly had a good superior/subordinate relationship going on, albeit one in which NMJ was missing a lot of context (see just behave well and show people up, plus the you're missing a solid foundation thing). But it does seem to be basically professional. WWX describes them as conversing "peaceably, even impressively" in contrast to "his future self, always being scolded by Nie MingJue" and "those jokes of how 'LianFang-Zun fled whenever he heard that ChiFeng-Zun arrived,'" and.... that's kind of it. The closest we get to them as friends is them talking together with LXC after NMJ tells MY he will give him a letter of recommendation and send him to his father; as WWX describes it, "The three chatted back and forth, at times serious, yet at times light. The conversation was much more relaxed than when they had been in the living room. Listening to their chatter, Wei WuXian often wanted to get a word in as well, yet he was unable to do so."

That's definitely not nothing! But it's also the most we ever get, only shows up the once, and is explicitly contrasted with their conversation from earlier. Moreover, I'm pretty sure LXC's presence is a necessary part of things; NMJ tends to respond differently to LXC than to other people (even just earlier in this chapter, we're told that while "Nie MingJue had never been one for humour," "in front of Lan XiChen his expression eased"), and WWX explicitly notes LXC's conversation skills in the context of this conversation: "At this point in time, their relationship really isn't bad. Zewu-Jun is actually quite good at holding conversations, so why is Lan Zhan so bad at it?"

In addition, I'd say that looking at the early part of that conversation is quite telling; while LXC and MY are sitting together as equals, MY stand up at once the moment NMJ interrupts, and doesn't sit even after NMJ tells him to do so (I think he probably does take a seat at some point, but the narrative doesn't actually tell us when). Moreover, MY seems to be worried that NMJ will be offended by a possible lack of gratitude on MY's part ("Sect Leader Nie, if you heard everything, then you should've also heard me say that..."), and the only objection he expresses to leaving is precisely that he owes NMJ a debt of gratitude, not anything to do with, like, missing him. To me all the evidence suggests that while they had a close relationship, it was not a /personal/ relationship, but fundamentally one of superior and subordinate.

(For a close read of the scene where NMJ, LXC and MY are talking together, I highly recommend @confusion-and-more's post here)

Moving on, let's look at after JGY becomes JGY. They don't seem to particularly spend time together with each other, certainly not for the sake of it. There's a brief moment at the Flower Banquet where NMJ asks JGY why he's wasting his time with XY (who has not at this point in time committed his crime, he just has a reputation), but after JGY makes his excuse and scurries away, NMJ turns away and doesn't seem to seek him out or even pay him any particular attention for the rest of the scene; he only shows up once more, and that's following WWX. (And although JGY-as-replacement-NHS would be a post all on its own, I do think it's interesting to note that the exchange about XY is immediately followed by LXC and LWJ coming over, described in a way that highlights both their impressiveness and their status at brothers—their Twin Jade-ness, one might say.) During the guqin scene, NMJ only speaks once, and it's to address LXC—to protest the inappropriateness of LXC leaking exclusive Lan techniques. When JGY shows up to play the guqin for him the first time, NMJ asks JGY "what did you come here for," which suggests that NMJ is not generally expecting JGY to come by without a specific, concrete reason. The closest they ever seem to get after JGY becomes JGY is during these guqin-playing sessions, and as WWX describes it, "when playing the guqin, the way that the two conversed and got along even had a hint of the peace they had before they fell out"—which is certainly better than there being no peace at all, but which I think suggests there's still at least some tension, given that it's only a "hint."

Now, NMJ certainly cares about JGY, both in the sense of desiring his well-being, at first, and absolutely in the sense of being emotionally invested in him—even after his death, as a fierce corpse his only desire is to kill Jin Guangyao. But while they had a close superior-subordinate relationship—certainly NMJ seems to have felt close to MY—at no point was it a close personal relationship, and I don't think that NMJ even liked JGY (or MY, I'm using the name expansively) as a person, let alone was in love with him.

But mostly so far I've been focusing in NMJ's feelings. What about JGY? Is /he/ in love with NMJ?

Once again, I just don't read him that way. This isn't to say he didn't care for NMJ—he absolutely did! He goes to quite significant lengths to save his life from WRH in the Sun Palace, including quite a lot of risk to MY himself—I analyze that in a lot more depth in the first part of my post here, if you're interested, though I will also note now that he specifically sent for LXC to help NMJ. (You'll have to scroll down some; I'm responding to someone else's post.) Afterwards, he kneels to NMJ and apologizes, I think sincerely, for hurting him and for invoking his pain about his father's death. He certainly conceives of himself as owing a debt of gratitude to NMJ for recognizing him, and he's so overcome when NMJ offers to send him to his father with a letter of recommendation, saying that he didn't promote MY so that MY would owe him, that he quite remarkably can't even find words. NMJ meant a lot to him, and so did NMJ's not defining him in terms of his birth—until he did, of course, at the stairs kick incident. But as far as I can tell, there's nothing to suggest he has /romantic feelings/ for NMJ, and frankly—how can I put this—it does not at all surprise me that JGY isn't in love with someone with a violent temper who is noted at least twice to react to people explaining themselves when he is angry with even more anger, and that's even without the thing where he nearly killed JGY on multiple occasions and called him the son of a prostitute.

No, I think JGY's emotional journey with NMJ goes through three stages: first, he's deeply grateful to him and respects him a great deal, although he's also aware of NMJ's lack of awareness of certain social realities (see: the teacup scene, NMJ yelling at the other Nie cultivators about their treatment of MY and telling MY not to worry as long as his conduct is upright); second, after Sun Palace, still gratitude and respect but also a mounting frustration with his lack of awareness of the implications of JGY's social position and his hypocrisy re: acceptable violence; finally, after the stairs kick when NMJ kicks him down the stairs, almost kills him, and tells him what else can be expected from the son of a prostitute, he is completely done with NMJ, but is still very much scared of him. The gratitude, I've discussed; the frustration, I think is fairly obvious in the speech he gives back to NMJ at the stairs. But I think the fear is often undervalued, so I'm going to pull a bunch of quotes again:

Meng Yao shrunk immediately after his previous outburst. Watching Baxia slash toward him, he sprinted off at once, scared lifeless. Of the two, one striked with madness and the other fled with madness. Both staggered, still soaked in blood. In such amusing circumstances, as Wei WuXian chopped at the future Chief Cultivator, in his heart he split his sides laughing. He thought that if not for how Nie MingJue was under heavy injuries and lacked spiritual power, Meng Yao would probably have been dead already.

Baxia’s strikes were so menacing that Shuoyue had to unsheath. Lan XiChen stopped him, half to support his figure and half to block his attacks, “MingJue-xiong, calm down! Why bother?”

Nie MingJue, “Why don’t you ask what he did?!”

Lan XiChen turned around to look at Meng Yao, his face was full of terror. He stammered as if he didn’t dare speak.

Nie MingJue remained silent, while Baxia and Shuoyue continued. Meng Yao took a glimpse at the glares from the clashes of the saber and the sword, his gaze full of fear. After a while, however, he still took a step forward. He kneeled to Nie MingJue.

A moment later, Nie MingJue still raised his saber. Lan XiChen, “MingJue-xiong!”

Meng Yao shut his eyes. Lan XiChen also tightened his grip on Shuoyue, “Please excuse…”

Before he could finish his sentence, the silver light of the blade slashed down violently, onto a boulder on the side.

Meng Yao flinched from the thunder of the boulder splitting apart. Looking over, he saw that it had been sliced into two halves, from the top to the bottom.

Jin GuangYao nodded. Xue Yang had been infamous ever since he was young. Wei WuXian clearly felt Nie MingJue’s brows knit even tighter. He spoke, “Why are you wasting your time with such a person?”

Jin GuangYao, “The LanlingJin Sect recruited him.”

He didn’t dare to protest any further. Excuse being that he needed to care for the guests, he scurried to the other side.

[part of his speech to NMJ at the stairs] You think that I should be afraid of nothing? Well I'm afraid of everything, even other people!

Within the temple, three people called Nie MingJue’s corpse ‘Brother’ but the three tones were drastically different. Jin GuangYao’s face was full of a drowning fear. His entire body began to shiver. No matter dead or alive, the person Jin GuangYao was most scared of was none but this sworn brother of his whose temper tolerated no evil. As his body shivered, his hands shivered as well, and the bloody guqin string he clutched tightly in his hand also began to shiver.

Clenching his teeth, Jin GuangYao struck a few acupoints of his arm. Amidst the dizziness that came from a loss of blood, he suddenly saw Nie MingJue walk a step towards him, his eyes locked on him. He was immediately half-dead with fear.

Collapsed beside Lan XiChen, Jin GuangYao saw this scene as well. Whether because the bleeding and the pain intensified at his arm and stomach or from some other reason, the glisten of tears could be seen in his eyes. But before he had a chance to catch his breath or lick his wounds, Nie MingJue turned around after he pulled his fist back and stared hungrily in his direction.

The harsh, stern expression on his rigid face held a sense of judgement that was no different from before he died. Even his tears had been scared away as Jin GuangYao turned to Lan XiChen for help, his voice trembling, “Brother…”

I think the stuff with, you know, handling NMJ's fierce corpse and hanging onto his head is often viewed as evidence of JGY's continued emotional investment in NMJ, but... I don't really think so? First of all, NMJ's fierce corpse is completely obsessed with killing JGY. I'll spare you another round of quotes on that because this is already ridiculously long and because it's not at all subtle—it's all over the temple chapters, take a look! And second of all—well, there's ways of getting information from a corpse. In this case, NMJ's resentful energy is so strong that without the protection of his body, papernan WWX is actually sucked into NMJ's memories against his will! Sure, maybe no one would risk it, and maybe no one who risked it would survive, but especially given that NMJ's fierce corpse is completely obsessed with killing JGY, that's a heck of a risk to take. And look at the description of the protections around NMJ's head:

Suddenly, Wei WuXian noticed that one of the shelves were blocked by a curtain. The curtain was covered in sinister, blood-red runes. It was a talisman of forbiddance, one of extreme power.

Jin GuangYao walked over and lifted the curtain.

For a split second, Wei WuXian thought that he had been exposed. After the faint firelight made its way through the curtain, he found that he was enveloped in a shadow. A circular object just happened to be in front of him.

Jin GuangYao stood still, as though he was staring into the eyes of whatever was inside this shelf.

After a moment, he spoke, “Were you the one looking at me?"

Of course, there couldn’t be any response. He was silent for a while, then let down the curtain.

Wei WuXian quietly attached himself to the object. Cold and hard, it seemed to be a helmet. He then turned to the front. As he had expected, he saw a pallid face. The one who sealed the head wanted it to see nothing, hear nothing, speak nothing, and so incantations had been crowded onto the waxen skin. The eyes, the ears, and the mouth were all sealed tightly shut.

There's containment, it's suppressed to all hell and back, and JGY quite justifiably expects it to be murderously obsessed with him, but to me it doesn't suggest a reciprocal obsession—just more fear.

I'll also note that as a strategy for containing the information about his own involvement it's a very successful operation! It failed in the end /eventually/, but the failure needed:

someone who could successfully break into his private treasure room and escape without being caught

who could also perform Empathy or a similar tecnnique on NMJ's head and survive it

who could successfully recreate from memory the altered Empathy song

whom LXC would be willing to listen to

That's a heck of a tall order!

As to being done with NMJ after the stairs, well, listen to what he says to LXC:

Jin GuangYao spoke with dejection, “But, Brother, didn’t you hear what he said in the oath? Every sentence meant something more. ‘Face a thousand accusing fingers, be torn from limb to limb’—this was clearly a warning for me. I… I’ve never heard of such an oath before.”

[...]

Jin GuangYao, “It’s not that I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong, but that sometimes I really can’t help. Nowadays, I have it bad no matter which side I’m on. I have to ensure that I’m on everyone’s good sides. I wouldn’t care if it were someone else, but have I mistreated our eldest brother in any way? Brother, you heard as well. What did he call me?”

[...]

Jin GuangYao was almost sobbing, “If he could say such a thing when he was angry, then just how does he think of me on a daily basis? Is it that because I couldn’t choose my background, because my mother couldn’t choose her fate, I’ll have to be humiliated by others throughout my whole life? If so, then how is Brother different from the people who look down on me? No matter what I do, in the end, just a sentence and I’m ‘the son of a prostitute’.”

And then of course there's what he says to LXC, in his speech to him at the end: "You, on the other hand, ZeWu-Jun, Sect Leader Lan, are as intolerant of me as Nie MingJue—you refuse to spare me even a single breath of life!"

So—wow, this got very long—I don't ship them, and although I think they have very much mattered emotionally to each other, I don't really see them as ever having been in love with or attracted to each other.

A couple of end notes:

In MDZS, NMJ isn't the first (non-MS) person who recognizes MY's worth, although he is the first person to promote him; by the time NMJ promotes MY MY has already met, rescued, and exchanged intimate confidences with LXC, who respects him greatly and thinks he is highly talented (see again the conversation in Hejian which NMJ overhears/eavedrops on).

I've seen people talk about them not understanding each other, but while NMJ certainly doesn't understand JGY, it's not at all obvious that the reverse is true; he generally seems to understand him pretty well. I think he has two surprises overall: first, that he wasn't expecting NMJ to say he didn't promote MY so MY would owe him, and volunteer to send him to his father with a letter of recommendation—and second, he wasn't expecting NMJ, who for all his flaws did seem to ignore JGY's background in good ways as well as bad, to call him the son of a prostitute.

I definitely don't read the coffin at the end as romantic. Or I mean, uh, there's the romance of an obsessive stalker-murderer finally getting his victim, and that's not nothing (unironically; look, I'm a Hannibal fan), but I don't think it's usually what people mean. This is a shitty end for JGY, part of how thoroughly he loses and is destroyed. I think to some extent it might be that he doesn't want LXC to be the one who killed him, and to some extent it's an act of defiance—now that he has nothing to lose, not even his life, he's going to go out fighting. I would expand on this but this post is ridiculously long and I have way too many quotes, maybe I'll do it in a separate post later on—but if you look at the description of it in the text, plus the subsequent description of it in the coffin...yeah. JGY didn't want to die, he didn't want to be engaged in a mutually destructive thing with NMJ; he wanted to leave NMJ behind in the past, and move on. It's not, for him any kind of fulfillment, is my read.

All quotes are taken from the Exiled Rebels translation: ch 48-50 for everything about NMJ and JGY's past relationship, ch. 47 for the description of JGY's containment measures for NMJ's head, and ch. 106-108 for the quotes about JGY's fear of NMJ's fierce corpse. The description of JGY going into the coffin is at the end of 108 if you want to have a look, and there's more in 109 and 110 about the difficulty of sealing NMJ's fierce corpse/its power and violence.

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

Out Of The Woods (3/?)

This multi chap fic has been one that I've wanted to write for a while. I'm hoping to connect a few loose ends, since my series is getting closer to the end. Don't worry, I still got a couple of fics left in me. I'd love to thank @xerxezra whose conversations with me are always inspirational. I'd also like to thank @dorkydisappointment whose writing got my creative juice flowing and @hoodoo12 who continues to inspire me all the time. Please check out the wonderful art done by @ravenousscorpian for two scenes out of the second chapter of this fic (Her art found here)

References to the woman in Ricks journal is from my fic What You Found Amongst The Pages. I know, that was shameless self promotion. There are a lot of questions that I wanted to answer in you'd chapter, but for the sake of editing had to put it in the next. I'll work on it right as soon as this is posted. Thanks for everyone's continued support. 😘😘😘😘😘😘

If you haven't read part 1 or part2, then heres a link (Read Chapter 1, Chapter 2)

In this fic the reader tries to uncover the mystery of the artist behind Zeta-7s portrait.

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Chapter 3: Dare Not Say That Man Forgets Sooner

Whatever redeeming qualities the room held in the previous happy hours were gone, and now even the remnant, lingering daydreams were falling away. With every hour you comprehended the severity of your assumptions and what the consequences were if you decided that enough was enough. Honestly, you didn't want to lose him because Zeta-7 was the light of your life; he expanded your universe and had helped you become a better person, but you could still carry on if you needed to. You had the means, your work, and an ever growing list of books to read, but was it enough, now that you had gotten a taste of the good life? Probably not.

Nothing made sense anymore.

Concerning the current situation, and all which led up to it; if you considered everything which included your existence, life till now, and all he had ever done, then there was no mistaking that he loved you; or had; at least thought he did, but it didn't change the truth of the matter; you hadn't been the first. A few hours had given you time to weep until you thought you had no tears left to cry, but there was still a thick fog over your thoughts and rationality; any shift of emotion being too much to bear. You curled into yourself, aching, hoping you'd disappear, but it didn't work; you were still here; stuck. Being at a disadvantage, not knowing how to get home and neither having a way to get there if you could was frustrating.

Who knows how long you'd been down here, despairing, wallowing in memories and dust, but you were tired, thirsty, and knew that if you didn't move he'd have trouble finding you, and yet you didn't care; let him find you; let him work for it. Though, how would that make it any better? All it would do is succeed in upsetting him before you knew all the facts. You hated this. Father always said hate was a strong word that shouldn't be taken for granted; you rarely had reason to feel as such, but the more you gleaned from those photos and the more proof you found of her presence about the place made you feel hateful and bitter.

Thinking of her smiling at him, receiving every bit of his loving-kindness and inviting demeanor animated by unaffected good-will; his general countenance and becoming familiar with a fresher-faced creature of your dreams; holding him; touching him; loving him. Oh God no, you thought, groaning into a handmade pillow. What was worse was that you couldn't dissuade the thought of her mysterious silhouette sneaking up behind you, plunging a knife into your already fragile identity, and taking back what was hers. Your doubt feeding these ugly horrors which were hybrids of nightmares and daydreams.

Though during a brief moment of clarity, you had come to a conclusion which hardly alleviated these feelings, but we're true; it wasn't your fault. Yes, it had been your choice to accept him and be in a proper relationship with someone with an ambiguous past, and yes you did snoop around a little, but you didn't know how much he'd been hiding or searching for someone like her and had settled on silly, stupid you. Yet, no matter how much you thought about it, why chase a vision of the past and put so much effort in the present? There must've been more to this; there had to be.

Manifested, unstinted kindness and consideration and love in his form didn't happen out of the blue, it was nurtured and conditioned. Had it been her influence which made you knew? Who knows, but you had been fortunate to have had an opportunity to associate let alone form a romantic attachment, but that would soon pass away once you confronted him. Right? After a little while longer, when your heart was finally beginning to slow and thought you'd be able to catch your breath, you heard him walking about upstairs; calling and knocking.

Rick was home and you turned over on the couch and covered your ears so you wouldn't hear him; you weren't ready to deal with this; you didn't want to deal with this. In your heart of hearts, you wanted to go home, to the past, back to when there were no problems and it was just you, dad, and your dreams. If only he was still around so that he could tell you that everything was alright and it was all just a bad dream and that he could fix it, but you couldn't; only in a dream, you could. Dad always knew what was best, but you were old enough to decide for yourself now.

Did this mean you wish you never knew Rick? No, but you wished that you would've never known about all this; about her; that you could've lived in ignorance. Oh, the sweet, sweet bliss of ignorance, how wonderful it had been while it lasted. Even when his warm laughter echoed down the stairway, having found you, ready, eager and excitable to be near you, you didn't answer. You knew you weren't in the state of mind to say anything nice, that despite it all he wasn't a bad person. Yet, the moment that hand of his touched your shoulder, you hissed. “Don't touch me.”

He gasped, stunned by this uncharacteristic aggression. Maybe you weren't the nice girl he thought you were after all; especially if the rustling of his clothes alone made you angry enough to dig your nails into the couch cushions. Zeta-7 waited for a few moments, ruminating on what would be the best course of action before he knelt down to be at your level and wondered. “What's wrong? Are y-y-you hurt? Is th-there anything I can do?”

Swallowing back a sob, you silently counted to ten then answered in a listless tone. “I don't know if you can. You've… you've been hiding stuff from me.”

“Huh, I-I have? What have I…”

“Don't try to deny it.”

Pushing yourself up, you rubbed your swollen eyes and chanced a look at him; your sight fuzzy as tears threatened to fall but thankfully didn't. The alarm in his widened eyes at the state of your runny nose, and tear-stained cheeks made him instinctively reach out to wipe your tears away, but you pushed that familiar, loving hand away. “M-mi corazón?”

Instead of answering as you usually would, you pulled out the well-loved copy of Persuasion from behind a pillow, took a deep breath and dropped it on his lap. “I found it while I was looking for something to read.”

“Oh geez.”

“And can you believe I found more than I bargained for.”

You two sat in silence for what felt like hours as he stared at it, and when he gathered the courage to look inside, the lines about his brow and mouth deepened; another sign that it was true. When he finally interrupted the silence, he confessed regretfully. “I-I was going to tell you.”

“But you didn't. There's a lot of things that I understand are none of my business, but this….I think is a good time to know. If you care about me at all, then read what you wrote.”

“But it's - it's not what you think.”

“Then there's nothing be afraid of. Go on then, read it.”

Visibly swallowing, his shaky hands held it open and he stuttered. “I-I-I thought of you today as I left th-the milky way, on my way t-to a classified location. I-I wish you were here so I could show you the beauty that exists across the universe, but knowing our limitations I can only send you this wonderful novel that I found when I was exploring a-a bookstore located on one of Saturn's moons. I-I know it can be hard to believe that Miss Jane Austen's works can reach the furthest depths of-of space, but that can be blamed on a certain Gallifreyan and his little blue box. I can't wait to hear what y-y-you think of it. Till next time my dear. With love, from Rick.”

“Don't forget the photos.”

Setting down the book, he glanced at the discarded photos, sagging a little after each one, gauging your reaction after he finished studying them. Rick was a smart man, he knew well enough that he messed up and how compromising those photos were. “It's not - I was only writing as ugh - as a friend.” He began, wringing his hands as he went on. “Y-y-y-y-you know I don't have that many.”

Which was true. “Really? So what did she do for you? Was she special?”

“She - she made me a little less lonely. That in itself was something I w-was grateful for.”

Your nails bit into your palms and that ever familiar ache bloomed across your chest; his answer birthing more questions than you were willing to ask. He offered you a Werther's original to placate you which you accepted; it's wrapper similar to the one in the painting. As ever he waited for you to answer, and the longer he waited, the more he sagged; his eyes pleading, hoping, wishing that he could know whatever hurt clouded your heart and wanted to fix it. “I want to believe you, I really do,” you admitted, which made him hopeful, though only for you to crush it with this. “but I'm tired of walking on eggshells. Tell me, what did you want from me when you had someone like her? Seems as though she was a good match for you. She was a creative who could paint, loved flowers, and butterflies among other things I imagine.”

“Sh-she did.”

You bit the inside of your cheek in an attempt to hold back the surge of feelings which were a result of his sincerity. Damn it. You could do this……possibly. “See?” you said cooly, focusing your gaze on your naked feet. “I knew she was special considering you sent her a book that had belonged to the Doctor. She also knew about your travels, which meant you trusted her and you hardly trust anyone. The point I'm getting at is that I want to know what I am to you. So, am I a knockoff or a rebound? Because we both know there's nothing like the real thing.”

“N-n-no, not at all. You mean th-the world to me and I-I love you. I have only loved you. ”

“But she loved you, didn't she? And you loved her. I can't ignore that. If she's anything like me, then what are we doing together Ricardo? Why aren't you with her? I…. I thought we understood each other but then I found proof that I was only second best. I can't do it, I can't compete with a shadow, and I'm not going to try. I don't have it in me.”

“I-I-I-I never expected you to. Por favor mi amor de m-mi vida, if you'll let me explain, I'll tell you whatever you want. I - I don't want to lose you. Please, honest t-t-to God, I don't. I can't.”

“Hmm, I didn't know you were a praying man.”

“When you're about t-t-to lose your universe, I don't think there are th-that many options. I can't - oh please I can't lose you. Not again.”

You felt your resolve breaking. You wanted to fall into his arms and melt into the comfort of them; for you both to comfort each other and let it all go because it probably was just a big misunderstanding; him being the best thing that ever happened to you, but not yet. Maybe he was a praying man after all, and if God was merciful, then why wouldn't you be? Rick certainly would. For Zeta-7, you could be. He'd definitely given you enough chances.

“Fine.” you decided, helping him up as you stood, but through this brief touch he almost misunderstood, thinking that the worst was over and gave your hand a squeeze; his warm smile weakening your resolve even further. Maybe Ricks were masters at mind games after all. And you knew it wouldn't take much for him to make you forget how unhappy you were, and like magic, show you something wonderful and dazzling, but you didn't want to be charmed; you wanted the truth. You bit the flesh inside of your cheeks hard enough for you to bleed, and despite relishing the warmth which permeated your chilled hands, you let go. “I'm……I'm not over it yet.”

TBC