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mylovejimimi · 1 year ago

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SNEAK PEEK | A MINIMONI STORY PT 1

— PAIRING: boyfriend!jimin x fem!reader x friend!namjoon x ??? — GENRE: smut +18. minors dni — WARNINGS: smut, dirty dirty talk (jimin's a menace), vaginal sex, oral sex (m receiving), not as much fluids as the last one lol but still fluids, riding, accidental vouyerism, talks of kinks, mentions of gang bang, jimin calls reader mean names, jimin and reader are in fluffy love, SOME plot — SUMMARY: It's your sweet, loving boyfriend's turn to plan your weekly date, and his sweet, homey plan comes with an exciting surprise in the form of a friend that he totally forgot was crashing at his place. — WORDS: almost 5k This one is like the holy scripture compared to the tae and jk one lmaooo but don't forget there's gonna be a part 2!!!!! promise to make it worse <3don't be shy and tell me what you think about my works! also i lied and say i would post it last night but my first draft didn't save <3 i love technology <3333 please remember you can send me a tip by buying me a ko-fi if you like this stories, it will meant the world to me and it will help me ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ Enjoy !

Whenever your schedules coincide, you and Jimin always made sure to have a date. Today was no exception.

Having an idol boyfriend, it was never an easy task to find time to spend together. And to have quality time, on top of that; a moment when he wasn’t too tired or overworked, or even anxious, and could engage in conversations or activities with you as his stress-free, lovely self. You always understood and supported him because that was his passion after all – though it never got any easier to watch him be away in tours or stay in the city but be unreachable, busy every second of the day. Also, you worked too, a less glamourous job of course, but a lot of times you had to give up your free time for some extra-hours or documents to finish at home.

Luckily for you, the boys just wrapped up the promos for their latest comeback, which meant they were relatively free for a couple weeks. It was Jimin’s idea to have a date every week, as long as he wasn’t required to work 24/7, to make up for past or future time apart.

So, it was a late Friday night and both of you lazed around in Jimin's apartment. You two loved going out and about the city, doing whatever activity you could think of, but since it was your boyfriend’s turn to plan the date – and he had been feeling like a homebody lately – he decided to have a chill night with you, the love of his life. You cooked, laughed, drank, danced around a little to his songs and now you were drinking again, sitting on the mat in between the sofa and the coffee table, chatting while soft music played in the background.

“It was an awful fit to be ever seen wearing! Whoever told you it looked good was lying” you laughed out loud at your boyfriend’s frown, before downing what was left of a bottle of soju, one of the many that you and Jimin already drank. You had the capacity to hold gallons of alcohol if you wanted; Jimin often joked that was what made him fell in love with you.

“It was you who told me I looked hot! I sent you a mirror pic and you replied with fire emojis” Jimin accused you with an offended pout, pushing you playfully and, in your tipsy state, making you fall fully on the ground. You giggled.

“I surely wasn’t in my best moment. Must had been one of those weeks of forced celibacy you make me go through when you release music, and thirst possessed me.” Jimin rolled his eyes with a little smile.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it. You get horny just like the rest of us, you’re not special.” You felt giddy and fuzzy inside because of both the alcohol and Jimin’s company. Goddamn, how you loved that man. Couldn’t help your big smile, heart in your eyes.

“Like the rest of you? You have no idea the depths and length of my horniness.” You started to draw random patterns on his thigh with your finger but kept staring adoringly into his eyes, always bold and teasing around him. With a hint of a smirk, he arched an eyebrow at your words and actions.

“Oh my God, right now too? You’re a horndog!” Jimin laughed heartily, pushing you again. You laughed along joyously, feeling happier than you ever been. You were sure you would never love a person the way you loved Jimin.

“Can you blame me? My boyfriend is way too hot.” Despite the dying laughter, Jimin, always up for flirting, had a smug expression that could be only mean problems. Sitting side by side, you only needed to crane your necks a little to be inches away from each other’s face, which was so helpful to your playing. You smirked, whole body facing Jimin’s now and buzzing with alcohol and imprudent ideas.

“Praising me for free? You’re totally too horny for your own good right now. But you’re right, I’m hot.” His smile got bigger and bigger the closer he got to you, stalking you slowly in the manner a predator about to attack his prey would. Soon enough, you could feel his breath caressing your lips: sweet with the fragrance of the flavored drinks, warm and intoxicating. Your eyes found his and in them you saw the glossy filter of alcohol mirroring yours, but the desire in his blown-out pupils was beyond comprehension. Your boyfriend was a menace – for you more than for anybody else. “And my girlfriend is hot as hell as well.”

“I am.”

“And we’re both very drunk.” Your heart accelerated in a second, just feeling the heat that radiated from Jimin and his gaze on your lips. And you knew Jimin was no better, if the ragged breaths escaping his mouth was any giveaway. “And we’ve been apart from each other for so long already.”

Call it a signal from the universe or simply your guts instincts being one step ahead of you, but a ray of clarity downed upon you carrying a possibility that, while it turned you on a bit, wasn’t completely right. Before taking things further, you frowned slightly.

“Baby wait, we’re in the living room, what if Taehyung or Jungkook just drop by without notice? They know the code for the door.” Jimin just shrugged, giving no importance to the very real, very probable problem. You, on the other hand, were too aware of it, remembering all the times you were there and any of the boys – usually the maknaes – would just walk in. Your boyfriend did not back off though; he just tilted his head playfully.

“Why does it matter? Everybody had seen us before at some point, and, like, this is my home. Plus, we’ll hear the door if anybody comes in.” Finally, he moved just the littlest bit so his lips could move yours whenever he talked. Jimin stared intensely into your eyes, speaking in this sultry, seducing tone that was so unique to him. “It’s been so long, baby, and I need you so much right now. I can’t even think of anything but having you right this moment. We’d waited long enough, my love.” And he closed the distance with a fervent kiss. You were never strong enough to fight his kisses, much less when you wanted it as much as him.

It always amazed you just how synced up you and Jimin were; but, well, everybody said all the time how right you were for each other for a reason. He knew exactly how deep to kiss, how fast or how sweet, and, of course, how to touch all the magical parts of your body to make you go feral. And you knew all of him too – but the truth is that both of you shared a lot of likes in every aspect of life, including intimacy. So, you knew he liked as much tongue as possible and as desperately as one can make it. Also, he liked to be touched everywhere at all times, because his body tended to get so sensitive, so brittle to your hands when he was turned on. Jimin loved feeling adored, and you loved to adore him.

He settled his hands on your ass, pulling until you were straddling him. Not missing a single beat, Jimin moved his lips to your throat, making sure to bit and kiss the most sensible spots. You gasped and whined and said things that Jimin couldn’t hear well with all the blood rushing in his ears. Then, all of a sudden, you gripped his hair in a fist and tugged his head backwards, away from your neck, because you knew he loved to roughhouse too. Jimin could clearly see the arousal and drunkenness swimming in your eyes, and he knew he must look just the same, but it was okay because you had been together long enough to be very acquainted with the wildest part of each other. Now it was your turn to attack his neck, and Jimin couldn’t help but think how good you were at it, surely more skilled than him. He groaned and whined loudly as the kisses became sucking and light nibbling everywhere; it went from his neck to his jaw to his ear and all the way down again, always mindful to avoid leaving too noticeable marks on the flesh.

At some point, he began grinding his crotch into whatever part of your body it could grind into, becoming impatient and whiny, so you stopped and left his neck to grip his jaw and look into his eyes. Only then, both of you realized what a mess of red lipstick you were.

“Who’s domming?” You asked, panting. As an answer, Jimin whined more and pouted, making you giggle. “You pretty, spoiled pillow bitch. You will have to do all the dirty work on your own someday, you know.” And you got back to work.

Not much time passed between the teasing and the doing, both of you needing to satiate the constant thirst you had for the other. You two were so high on arousal and desperation, aided by the alcohol, that you skipped the step of taking the clothes off. Jimin lowered his sweatpants to his upper thigh to get his girthy cock and heavy balls out, and then lowered your camisole enough to get your breasts out too, because he was obsessed with them.

“Baby –” you breathed when you took a hold of his member and felt how hard he was. He thrusted mildly and unconsciously, groaning when you tightened your hold on him. The precum his tip was leaking started to cover your fingers once you started fisting him, and you couldn’t resist the temptation: you released his member to take your hand to your mouth and lick his fluids away, making a show of it all for your boyfriend, who groaned loudly.

Before taking your hand down again, you licked your palm, but this time, instead of his cock, you took both of the man’s balls, playing with and gripping them. Jimin threw his head back on the sofa, moaning in a high pitch and tightening his grip on your hips, surely imprinting his fingers on the skin. Once again, you took his cock and got up your knees before moving out of the way your skirt and underwear. You were so wet that your folds squelched when you separated them to descend on your boyfriend, impaling yourself on the meaty, delicious member of his. The stretch left you breathless for a moment, because Jimin was large enough to fill you up fully even if he wasn’t hard. To get you out of the discomfort, he captured your mouth in a sloppy kiss, guiding you to move slowly on him and taking the liberty of put his thumb on your clit. You moaned, and mere seconds later, you were bouncing on your own, increasing speed and clenching your insides sporadically. Your boyfriend, in return, pushed you back down when you bounced up until you both found the perfect rhythm.

You two were too immersed in your own world; too consumed by pleasure to hear the distinct sound of the door lock being unlocked and the footsteps that followed.

“You’re my bitch, got it? This ass is only mine to fuck,” Jimin exhaled close to your mouth, trying to keep his eyes focused on you moving face. You whimpered but nodded. “I will use you like the cockslut you are, whenever I want to and however I want to. And with whoever I want to.” He thrusted up with vigor, clearly liking the idea of sharing you. “Can you imagine it? To get fucked by me and then by any of my friends? Or all of them, because I know the greedy whore you are.” And he made you gasp out loud by biting your nipple and suctioning it. You panted open-mouthed now, forcing your eyes to stay open and watch how your boyfriend went from one nipple to the other, and then to insert his tongue shamelessly in your mouth.

You almost lost your mind at the way he licked filthily your wet insides, but the idea of being shared was pushing stronger. It was no secret to your boyfriend that one of your deepest fantasies was to be shared by several people, submitting to them, being at their mercy; and despite the natural jealousy that arose in Jimin at the beginning, he couldn’t get the idea out of his head for days. He thought about it so obsessively that he got desensitized to jealousy, and, at one moment, he found himself getting hard and needing to jerk off to the made-up image of you being used by multiple people. So, it became his fantasy too.

“You always wanted that, to get passed around like a pretty toy, cock after cock fucking this useless pussy.” Jimin chuckled with gritted teeth, getting more turn on by his own words. You whined loudly, just as loud as Jimin was talking – because he simply couldn’t regulate his voice while fucking –, which was pretty loud for anybody else in the room to hear. And there indeed was someone hearing and watching you from the entrance. Not like any of you realized though. “You know what else a filthy slut like you wants? To choke on cocks. To get your pretty face fucked rough. To have cum dripping from your mouth and still get your throat fucked over and over again. And I know you want to choke on my members’ cocks, don’t you? Get on your knees for the seven of us, suck dry the cocks of those friends that think you’re just my cute, little girlfriend; their pretty, dumb friend.” Jimin hissed with a particular tight squeeze, so close to release. He gripped your hair, tight, and pushed your face closer to his. “Who is the spoiled pillow bitch now?” And he kissed you, knowing both of you were mere moments away from the best orgasm of the year.

And then, a phone rang strepitously right there in the living room, some meters away from where you were. And you knew it was neither yours nor your boyfriend's.

Both you and Jimin jumped in your places, separating from each other's body once you saw a blushing and frantic Namjoon hurriedly looking for his phone in his pants. With one hand, Jimin hurried to help you fix your bra and top that were half off your body, while with the other hand, he tried to put himself inside his own pants as hastily. As if Namjoon hadn't been watching your passionate encounter for the last five minutes.

Your head? Empty, come back later. Your body? Burning with shame and, well... other things had arisen too.

“J-Joon” you started, still out of breath, but you had nothing else to say. You just stared at your friend, who arrived at the perfect time to see you being dommed.

By your peripherical vision, you saw your boyfriend getting red in the face, expression twisted into pure fury.

“Yah! You –“ And he stopped himself in his tracks, staying completely still for a second and then clearly his throat, his whole demeanor changing in an instant. It was completely weird for Jimin to stop himself from berating someone, being the most argumentative man ever as he was.

What the fuck is going on?

“S-sorry you had to watch us, Namjoon” he said calmly but still harsh. Overcoming quickly the initial surprise and change of behavior, Jimin showed his friend he definitely didn’t like the unconsented voyeurism.

Namjoon, on the other hand, was petrified in place, holding both of his friends’ stares. Mind completely blank, he couldn’t think of any excuse or justification, not even the very real reason he was there.

“It’s, uh, it’s okay. I didn’t see much.” He wanted to slap himself for saying that. It implied he had seen at least a little. “I just arrived, really didn’t see or hear anything. No big deal.” And then both you and Jimin saw it – the proof that Namjoon saw some and heard some and he even liked some. The bulging in the front of his sweats wasn’t that obvious but it definitively was there, where it wasn’t in everyday happenings. You both got visibly surprised, maybe a little aroused too, but said nothing. Instead, you two, in all your lipstick-messed glory, stared Namjoon in the eye with some sort of dignity.

“I would have appreciated it if you hadn’t seen anything or said something or go somewhere else.” Jimin was always borderline aggressive when he thought something was inappropriate; and, though you didn’t always agree with this approach, you stood by him on this one because he was right.

“But I told you we shouldn’t do this here in the open,” you whispered, a little ashamed. Namjoon blinked, speechless.

“I-I…” He swallowed and inhaled deeply. “You’re right, I’m sorry I watched you and I’m sorry I interrupted too.” He said all of that sporting the brightest color of red ever seen in someone’s face. “I forgot both of you would be here and that you both do these things. I should have called before coming, sorry.” Jimin was totally satisfied with that reaction but you were not. You felt bad that Namjoon was putting all the blame on himself when you had a feeling something like this could happen and did nothing.

“It’s okay, Joon. Just… don’t watch us without asking ever again.” Though it did feel a little hot. Being caught was one of the many fantasies you and Jimin shared, and you knew that Jimin felt as aroused and excited as you. But he was sterner than you and so, he was the one that put the ruthless mask on and delimited the boundaries to all the people outside your relationship.

“Ask you?” Namjoon asked in utter disbelief, like he was hearing the craziest nonsense ever. He could ask? He could watch? You and Jimin looked at each other. Of course he could watch. Any of them could watch, if they wanted. You both discussed it a million times; if any of Bangtan, six of them being single and unlucky, approached the couple seriously, they had no reason to tell them no. You trusted them a lot, and it wouldn’t necessarily ruin the friendship; not if they didn’t make it weird.

“Well, if you want to do something that involves other people, you usually ask if they’re OK with it.” And yet Namjoon couldn’t believe what his group member was saying. He felt weird. So weird that his nervous system was firing all alarms. His heart started beating faster than when he came home to the image of two of his friends doing each other. He felt so overwhelmed suddenly.

“Okay,” he said, before spinning on his heels and almost running to Jimin’s spare room. You were confused. Why did Namjoon go to that room instead of getting out of the house?

“This damn dumb bitch interrupted us in the best moment.,” Jimin grumbled, upset.

“Babe, why is Namjoon here?” you inquired harshly, crossing your arms. Jimin pursed his lips and looked at you with his big, puppy eyes. You didn’t buy it. “Jimin, were you the one that made Namjoon come tonight?” Your boyfriend sighed dramatically, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Yes, baby, but – Wait, wait! I didn’t ask him to come! I just let him come!” he explained in a rush when he saw you open your mouth to yell at him. “There’s a problem with the water system at his building and I told him he could crash here for a couple nights. He is out all the time so I totally forgot he was sleeping here this week.” You scoffed.

“You’re dumb, did you know that?” Jimin just giggled at your response. It was an accident, so there was nothing to get angry at. You grinned at him, playing with his fingers. “Can we finish what we started now?” But he grimaced at that.

“I don’t know how to feel about fucking you after what happened. I mean, is one thing to fantasize about it and other completely different to experience it without consent.” Jimin didn’t look convinced. You appreciated so much how tactful he was about the situation.

“You’re right, baby, maybe let the shock pass first.” You squeezed his hand and gave him a small smile. “But would you, at least, let me help you? As a reward for being a good friend.” He smirked, and passed his arms around your waist to hug you to his body.

“How could I say no to a reward?” …

And just as fast as you agreed, you were on Jimin’s bed. Currently, your boyfriend was laying on his back, sweats on his mid thighs, with you kneeling by his side and pumping him with all your heart. And yet, he was fixated on the ceiling, barely reacting to the stimulation.

“Man, why the fuck are you just laying there? I’m giving you a hand job right now,” you huffed, frustrated with the indifference your boyfriend showed toward your efforts. “If you want a blow, you just have to ask, you know.” You stopped all movements and Jimin finally focused on you, coming back from being lost in his head.

“Sorry, babe, you’re amazing as always. I just can’t stop thinking about what happened.” He sat up, now being face to face to look you closely.

“Well, same. It was awkward but also kinda hot.” Jimin nodded a little absent-minded.

“He seemed surprised that you said he should ask.”

“It’s not every day that two of your friends indirectly invite you to watch them have sex, though.” At that, Jimin arched an eyebrow, playful all of a sudden.

“So you were inviting him, huh?” You blushed.

“I mean, yeah. Wasn’t that what we wanted? Did I read your eyes wrong?” Jimin, once more, got closer to your face like a menace, until you were millimeters from touching.

“So, you really plan on having him watch while you’re getting fucked mercilessly, in every way, in full dom/sub display? I bet you would like to get dicked down by him too.” He smiled and you felt your heart racing. What was your boyfriend implying?

“Uh, I don’t know? I mean, sounds… Yeah.” You really tried to form a rational sentence, though it was difficult with all your thoughts all over the place. As an avid over-thinker, you needed three to five business days to sit down and dissect the whole situation from beginning to end to sort out your opinions. “And what about you? Would you be fine by that? Would you also like to get some of his dick?”

“Nah, love. I don’t think it flows like that between us. Would be super embarrassing to bounce on his lap and go to a company briefing with him the next morning.” And he smirked deviously at you. “But it wouldn’t be weird watching him thoroughly giving it to you. Or should I say, hammering it into you.” He extended his arm and fondly caressed the side of your face. “Mmh, I think the shock had already passed because I just unlocked a new fantasy. Baby, I really, really need to see you being fucked into dumbness by him” he expressed with a pout, like begging you to give it to him. “I can attest he has a horse dick too.”

“Jimin!”

“And I think it will help me to shut up that annoying ego of yours for once; you’d been domming for too long and need humbling” he added to tease you. You frowned at the teasing; frowned even deeper at the weird list of cons of fucking Namjoon that your boyfriend just gave you.

"You’re getting a little too brave for a man with his dick in his vengeful girlfriend’s hand,” you told him lowly, narrowing your eyes and gripping said dick harder. Jimin took a sharp breath but smiled anyways.

“That’s it, babe, that’s how I like it. Just tug a couple times more while I imagine Namjoon folding you into two and fucking you to tears.” You scoffed and pinched Jimin’s nipple, way too hard to be pleasurable.

“Ow! But I’m being honest!” Jimin complained with a laugh.

“If you want me to blow you, stay fucking quiet, whore” you warned Jimin, getting comfortable on your knees. Your boyfriend helped you by taking your long hair in a makeshift ponytail in one hand. And you did exactly what you said.

As always, Jimin was loud and, at times, rough. Whenever you bobbed up, he only let a second pass before push your head down on his cock again. He lived for hearing you gagging and choking on him. And, as expected, he loved it messy and with a lot of saliva involved.

“Holy fuck, this mouth is amazing, baby, just like your pussy. Dirty little bitch, where did you learn to deepthroat this good? Is because you used your whore mouth on many cocks? I bet that’s why.” With each word, Jimin thrusted his hips against your mouth rougher. He was very aware of your limits and knew that his words and movements were making you drip. “Those late nights waiting for me in the company? I bet you spend them being used by the guys. Whose cocks do you slobber, you fucking cumdump? Yoongi hyung’s? Hobi hyungs’s?”

Your eyes welled up just as your pussy creamed the skimpy panties you wore for Jimin. Though you had a pretty dominant and defiant personality, you became fully submissive from time to time to humor boyfriend. Like in that moment, when you let him control your head by taking fistfuls of your hair to make you gobble his cock however he wanted. His balls hit your chin each time he snapped his hips up, and, since all that movement made it very difficult for you to keep your saliva in your mouth, most of it ended up falling towards Jimin’s body, dampening his testicles and inner thighs.

“Ah, I know -shit- you act all innocent but you let Namjoon use your mouth every night, like the disgusting slutty toy you are.” He was really close; you could tell by the precum that his cock leaked on your tongue and how his member throbbed. You looked up at him and catched him devouring you with his eyes, plump lower lip tucked between his teeth (and you couldn’t help internally melting at his cute crooked front tooth). On the other side of the blowjob, Jimin felt his abs flexing uncontrollably while he fixed all his attention on you, the most perfect being that ever existed. You were a sight for his sore eyes, with that fucked up face he loved – the only thing that could make him come in seconds. “Oh fuck, I won’t stop thinking about his come dripping from your mouth. Shit, shit, shit—”

Despite having your mouth way too full and roughed, you moaned to assist your boyfriend in cumming. The thrusts became erratic and a loud, long moan left Jimin’s lips when he threw his head back to finally let go, coating your mouth and throat. He pushed your face against his crotch and held you there tightly until he stopped coming. In a couple seconds more, his breathing was steadier and he could let go of your poor head.

You lifted yourself slowly and breathed deeply, composing yourself despite being a mess of tears, saliva and cum. Wiping some off with the back of your hand, you looked pointedly at Jimin, who just raised his eyebrows in a silent question.

“You’re getting a little too insistent with this me and Namjoon thing. Are you really that fucked up? That you would enjoy the emotional torture of seeing me with someone else? Do you have a kink about being cheated on?” Even with a rough voice, Jimin understood what you said instantly, and his response was a roll of eyes and a snort.

“Don’t be an idiot, I just find it hot, ok? I DO NOT want you to leave me for him.”

“So hot that you had to talk about it so detailly to cum?” You helped to get his pants back on their place before fishing one shirt you found nearby to clean your face. Jimin admired you for a moment, hands behind his head.

“Yes.” He smiles brightly. “And I’m serious when I say I need to see you get fucked by him. It’s, like, vital for me right now.” It was your turn to snort. “Maybe all of us could benefit from his stay here.” Eyes drooping, you rested your body on his, using his chest as your pillow. Too many things happened in the span of an hour and just now all the alcohol intake had its effect of making you sleepy. Whatever other things Jimin said, you missed them after giving your veredict:

“Maybe.”

#jimin smut #namjoon smut #jimin x reader #namjoon x reader #jimin one shot #bts smut #namjoon one shot #bts one shot #bts x reader #Jimin #namjoon #Jungkook #Taehyung #Jhope #Hoseok #Suga #Yoongi #Jin #Seokjin

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monsterrae1 · 11 months ago

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Fuck it Friday

Tagged by @honestlydarkprincess @buckaroosheart @spagheddiediaz @wikiangela @daffi-990 @jesuisici33 @exhuastedpigeon thanks !

So I know I said I was gonna take a break but for some reason I got really inspired about this one? Anyway it’s incredible self indulgent so let me be. Also with the promo I know no one is going to care so whatever

Context they’re 13 here and Isabel is fostering Buck:

“I’m Eddie.”

“I have a feeling you two will be excellent friends,” Isabel said, and with that she left them alone in the living room to get to know each other.

It turned out Eddie was from Texas and he was only visiting Isabel for a couple of weeks during spring break and then he’d go back to Texas, Buck couldn’t wait for the day he left. It was like Eddie was everywhere, Buck was trying to do his chores and he would find out that Eddie would have already done them for him, it felt like he was trying to make him look bad so Isabel would kick him out, and Buck couldn’t have that. He wouldn’t have that, he woke up extra early so he could beat Eddie to get the chores done, and then he would make sure to always be first when Isabel asked them to do something.

Which was how they found themselves in this predicament.

Isabel had gone out of the day, asking Buck and Eddie to please cut the grass on the backyard and cut some of the lower hanging branches of the tree since it was getting a little out of hand and she hadn’t had a chance to call her usual gardener.

They had finished doing what she asked when Buck had the brilliant idea to climb the tree to trim some of the higher up branches, Eddie had told him it was a bad idea but Buck didn’t listen to him and still climbed up. When he fell he was really hoping to not get an I told you so.

“Don’t tell her, please don’t tell her,” Buck was begging him through tears, holding his injured arm to his chest, staining his shirt with blood, “It’s not that bad, please don’t tell her.”

“Buck, you’re bleeding a lot, I need to take you to the ER,” Eddie insisted, but Buck kept refusing.

“She can’t know, she can’t”

“Buck, she’s not going to be mad at you, I promise you okay?”

“She’s gonna send me back! She’s gonna send me back,and I can’t, okay? She’s the best home I’ve ever been in, you can’t make her send me back.”

Eddie frowned, Buck was starting to feel a little light headed, he wasn’t sure if it was because of the blood lost, the panic or the crying, he just felt like he was going to pass out soon.

“Why would I make her send you back?”

“‘s wha’ yo’ wan’” Buck slurred, “yo’ don’ wan’ m’ ‘ere.” His ears were starting to ring, and before he could hear Eddie’s response he passed out.

Tagging if they’d like to share anything @bitchfacediaz @loserdiaz @hoodie-buck @buddierights @prettyboybuckley @rogerzsteven @bigfootsmom @elvensorceress @underwater-ninja-13 @eddiebabygirldiaz @heartshapedvows @malewifediaz @housewifebuck @steadfastsaturnsrings @911onabc @spotsandsocks @hippolotamus @the-likesofus @shortsighted-owl and whoever else wants to do it

#fuck it Friday #my wips #buddie #buddie wip #wip boyfriend sweater curse

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inagetawaycarxo · 2 years ago

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May I request some yandere! Heel Roman for how he would react to your ring gear, trying to convince you to wear something less revealing, etc? (Love your work)

Yandere!Heel!Roman Reacting To Your Ring Gear

— WARNINGS: errors I missed, toxic relationships, yandere!roman, angst, jealousy, possessive!roman, roman is just an asshole in this, manipulating, yandere theme, ROMAN BEING A RED FLAG, slut shaming.

— AUTHORS NOTE: requests are open for wwe and aew! thank you amore, that means alot to me.

— DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT give consent/permission for my work to be copied and pasted on other platforms. HOWEVER, I highly encourage feedback, likes, reblogs, and comments.

Roman was possessive, manipulating, obsessive, sadistic, delusional, impulsive, and self-indulgent before he even made you his. Now that he has you it is amplified not to mention he is clingy and overprotective. Bless your soul if you are naïve and don’t know or acknowledge the red flags he shows.

You always seek his approval in some way, whether it is inside the ring, doing promos, or personal matters. Especially on what to wear. The ring gear is no different.

So coming to him about your ring gear is no different.

If you didn’t then he would definitely make his opinion on your ring gear known in some comment.

Some may think it’s weird that you seek his approval/opinion. You can wear whatever you want. He isn’t the boss of you.

Roman definitely doesn’t give a shit what they think.

If you, however, challenge him on what you are wearing say if it is revealing he will belittle you. Manipulate you into wearing what he wants/approves off. Say if there is an age gap he will definitely use that to his advantage.

So, when you finally got new ring gear you wanted his opinion on it.

It was a little bit revealing. You were hoping that he would get turned on. And approve it.

But it was quite the opposite of what you were hoping. As soon you unzipped the coat you were wearing.

This is where his possessive, overprotective side comes out.

Roman's jaw ticked as he saw your ring gear. Your stomach was exposed. Your boobs were pushed up. Roman clenched his hands. It didn’t help you were only wearing undies, sure they looked like boy shorts but still revealing.

Yes, it turned him on, but you were HIS. Only he got to see you like that in private.

He didn’t like how his cousins and Sami were eyeing you with hungry eyes. You were HIS.

Roman quickly dismissed his cousins, Sami, and Paul.

Paul gave you a reassuring smile and a squeeze on your shoulder before leaving.

“Do you not like it?” You asked. Looking at him with pleading eyes. As he stared at you with a hard cold gaze.

God, he could bend you over and fuck you.

Roman composed himself. Motioning for you to come over to him. Which you did.

When you were close to him. He motioned for you to sit on his lap. Which you did.

“It’s a bit revealing,” Roman spoke. Giving you a concerned look, as you stared at him. He wrapped his arms around you.

“I know, I just, it's red and white and black,” You spoke. Trying to talk him into it.

“I don’t like it, I don’t want people staring at you like the way my cousins and Sami did,” He spoke.

“But I’m yours,” You huffed out. Giving him a pleading look. You liked it.

Roman let out a grunt of annoyance, of course, you decided to be defiant. Roman smirked slightly before saying what he was going to say next.

“You don’t want the fans and everyone else to think that you are slut then they already do, they already think you slept your way to the top,” Roman spoke.

You nodded your head. Sadness clouding your eyes. Roman felt guilty at the sad look in your eyes. Yes, that was a low blow, but if it got you to agree with him, then it was a win in his book.

Roman quickly placed a soft kiss on your forehead. Making your eyes close. Heart fluttering. Roman's eyes were open.

“I don’t want them to pick on you even more,” Roman spoke softly.

“Okay,” You whispered. Eyes still closed; you buried your head into his neck. Feeling nervous about challenging him. He was right after all. He was always right.

“I’m sorry for challenging you,” You spoke.

“It’s not your fault,” He spoke. Pulling you tightly close to him. A wicked smirk graced his lips…

LIKES ARE GREAT, BUT COMMENTS/FEEDBACK ARE GEMS! HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED IT!

#wwe x reader #roman reigns x reader #roman reigns x y/n #roman reigns headcanon #wwe x you #wwe headcanons #wwe headcanon #yandere hcs #roman reigns #wwe

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nextstopwonderland · 7 months ago

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Hi!!! Can I request 21 “Staring into each others eyes” with Bryan/Yuta, please? 🥺✨✨

Anything for you, Lexie 😘 (Bryan/Yuta my beloved)

Oh look it’s another take on The Red Rocks Date by yours truly.

I’ll show you a place (713 words)

Yuta didn’t really meditate much before meeting Bryan. Claudio would tell him how Bryan taught him years ago, and how it really can help.

Mox has no interest in meditating and Regal, when he was around, thought Yuta’s time would be better suited on the mat.

But Bryan would just look at him, with an expression he couldn’t quite read, and say, “When you’re ready, let me know.”

It felt a little like a test, but Yuta wasn’t sure for what.

Lots of things feel like that with Bryan, and Yuta craves to be passing each and every one. He’s felt reignited by Bryan’s recommitment to them. Has heard Bryan say he loves him, multiple times now.

(Has wanted to know exactly what that love entails.)

And so when Bryan tells him he’s going hiking Yuta jumps at the chance to go. He gets one on one time with Bryan, but it’s never truly private. This feels like it could be a turning point.

It’s everything he hoped, Bryan talking quietly, seeing him so in his element — focused on nature but also focused on Yuta. Asking him questions, wanting to listen.

It’s after Yuta films him for the Okada promo — something he feels so honored to have been able to do — that he gathers up the courage.

“Teach me? How to meditate?”

Bryan smiles at him like Yuta just bestowed the best Christmas present.

They sit a little ways off the path, in one of the few shaded areas. There’s no one around them right now, only the sound of a crow in the distance.

“I’ll walk you through a basic meditation practice. You comfortable?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Find your posture. Rest your palms on your thighs, face up or down, whatever’s comfortable.”

Yuta does so, face up.

“Now close your eyes, and just listen to my voice.”

Yuta doesn’t mean to shiver, but he can’t help it. Bryan’s voice is so soothing, washing over him like a gentle breeze.

He follows the guidance: find a memory, an image, hold onto it, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Focus only on the place in your memory, let it fill you up, ground you. Breathe in for four, hold for four, out for six.

It only lasts about five minutes before Bryan pulls him back, tells him to lock the memory away, tells him to come back slowly, open his eyes.

He isn’t prepared for Bryan to be looking right at him as he does, and realizes Bryan must have been watching him this whole time.

It’s like he falls right back into that place he was in, looking at Bryan. Unsurprising since he’d been the subject of his focus.

He’d chosen the first time he ever saw Bryan walk into the AEW locker room, the moment when he’d dragged a hand through his hair, looked over at Yuta and smiled at him, warm and bright.

“Love at first sight,” Kris had said later that night. Yuta had snorted in reply, saying “I’ve seen him for years now, have the DVDs to prove it.”

“Not the same.”

And maybe she was right, because he hasn’t stopped looking at Bryan since. Has wanted his attention, focus, smiles, slaps, whatever he could get.

And now they’re looking into one another’s eyes, all alone amongst the Red Rocks and Yuta wants — he wants.

“What made you finally ask?” Is the first thing Bryan says.

Yuta shrugs, never breaking their gaze. “Just wanted to know. To be… closer.” He flushes as soon as he says it, awkward and fumbling.

Bryan quirks an eyebrow. “To your inner self?”

Yuta bites his lip, and shakes his head. “To — you.”

Bryan’s smile is a slow, revelatory thing, starting out as surprise and then turning softer.

He reaches out a hand, the two of them sitting crossed legged only a few inches apart. Yuta grabs it, letting out a breath as Bryan squeezes his palm.

“I’m glad,” Bryan says, pulling Yuta closer to him, their eyes still searching one another’s. “That you asked.”

Yuta only closes his eyes when Bryan’s lips meet his own, like a firework going off inside him.

He breathes out and kisses back.

He thinks maybe this’ll be a new memory for his next meditation.

#Bryanwheeler #my stuff #Bryan bday bash

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84reedsy · 5 months ago

Text

The Mentorship, Part 22 - The End

The Mentorship

Characters: Curt Hennig/FemOC , Scott Hall/FemOC

Part 22 of 22

Warnings/Considerations: Smut, Age Gap, Power Dynamics, Dirty Talk, swearing

Word Count: 3470

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21

Taglist: @writeandsurvive @theweaselandthekilt To anyone and everyone who's read this; a sincere thank you from the bottom of my heart. This was the first thing I started writing when getting back into the wrestling fandom and it was meant to be just a one chapter blurb - but it grew into much more! Everyone's kind words and encouragement made finishing this possible <3

Pay-Per-Views were always more stressful. There was a lot more pressure to perform perfectly - much less was left to chance. Honestly, it felt like managerial over-reach, especially when they second-guessed Curt's suggestion for opening the match. Brinkley frowned at the man she'd never seen before yet acted as if he knew better than the three professional journeymen who stood next to her.

Curt shook his head to discourage her argument and Scott subtly touched her arm. She didn't know how they were so calm and so willingly taking bad direction from this wannabe booker. It was insulting to her, let alone them.

“This time,” Curt looked around them once the four of them were alone again, “we are here to protect you. We usually end up doing whatever we want. For us, it's like ‘so what if Russo bitches about it’. But…when you're on your own, you're gonna have to pick your own battles with them,” he knew as a newcomer she wouldn't carry enough clout outside of this match.

“There's only so much we'll be able to say,” Scott followed up.

“I get it…” she nodded, understanding their warning, “Don't rock the boat unless I absolutely have to,”

“Jesus, that boat is gonna end up capsizing” Kevin rolled his eyes, but smirked at her, ruffling her hair like a child.

“Thanks A LOT, now I have to go fix it!” She scurried back to hair and makeup, knowing time was running short. She could already hear the crowd reacting to the opening matches. Her stomach turned as her hair was resmoothed and fixed into a high pony with a braid wrapped around its base. She wasn't sure she'd ever been this nervous.

She worried she might throw up in the hallway from the nerves as she made her way to the locker room, trying to ignore the distant roar of 50,000 people that echoed through the concrete halls. Their match was still an hour away, how was she ever going to maintain until then?

“Aren't you glad we taped our promos already?” Curt smirked as she paced in the locker room looking a little pale. Scott and Kevin were filming their response live to the crowd now. He knew she'd get there eventually, once she got all of these tough firsts out of the way.

“God, yeah, I'd be a mess if we did it now, live. Why are pay-per-views so stressful?!” She continued pacing around the room to dispel her nervous energy, shaking out her arms to keep them loose.

Curt watched her, thoughts and memories swirling around in his head. If he’d never suggested what he had to Scott, he had to wonder if she’d still just be pining from afar and spending her nights in Curt’s room, working out her energies there. He knew he’d done this to himself and that it was the right thing to do, but he couldn’t help but feel some level of selfish regret.

He knew what he’d like to do to redirect her mind and what to channel that energy into. He couldn't deny that he'd pleasured himself before many big matches just to level out. Sex (even with one's self) was the ultimate way to prepare for a high energy performance. It was the same with actors, singers… wrestlers were no different. He could feel his impulsivity tapping at the back of his mind, making unsettlingly concrete arguments in favor of the proposition.

But he knew she'd tell Scott. She was adamant about being honest with him. He was grateful and irritated that she'd listened so well to his lessons. He didn't think he wanted to deal with however Scott may feel about it. It was better to keep the peace.

“CURT!” Brinkley snapped him with his towel, jarring his focus back to the present, “where are you?” She asked, having been rambling on for a few minutes only to see him staring off into the middle distance. The way he broke out into the tiniest of cold sweats and looked a little befuddled gave her a hint.

“Sorry, what? What were you saying?” He still shook his head, hoping it was dissolve the vivid memories in his head.

Brinkley straddled the bench he was sitting on a he pulled his kneepads just below his knees. She picked at a knot in the wood with her fingernail.

“Is it always gonna be like this?” She asked barely above a mumble, only looking up at him after she asked. He paused from answering right away, fiddling with his boots still. He sighed and rested his forearms on his knees.

“We're friends first, right?” He asked.

“That's what I hope for,” she oddly thought of all the times he turned her down, wondering if he was regretting them, “But is that too selfish of me? Is that me being naive?”

“No, it's not selfish of you. I should be able to give that to you.” He ran his hand over his slicked hair, “but I'd like to say something if I could,” he looked at her for silent permission.

She nodded.

“I wish I'd stayed professional with all this,” he knew that part would sound harsh, but he paused before the rest, “Because you are the best I've ever felt with somebody in that way…in a lot of ways actually. And going forward now knowing what I'm missing, knowing what we had…I just hate that I have to gatekeep what I didn't before” he stumbled around his words a little, looking frustrated.

“I know what you mean,” she tried to reassure him, “The idea of doing anything to hurt Scott makes me sick to my stomach…but it doesn't stop me from thinking about you. You were my first, I'm always going to remember what we were,” she reached out, resting her hand on the inside of his elbow.

“I know you moving on is the right thing, baby girl. I just hate the idea of being left behind,” he laid his hand over hers, “But I want you to do well…I want you to turn this place on its head. Be the first woman to get top billing. Of anyone…you can do it.”

“Thanks for believing in me all this time,” she squeezed his hand a little, “Curt if you want-” she started but he cut her off.

“I want you to do well in this match. And I know in my gut you will, so just…focus on that,” he said, squeezing back harder. He knew what she was about to offer; either inspired to out of pity for him or out of mutual desire, maybe even nostalgia…he knew nothing down that path was going to help her. And his job had been to help her.

Letting her go was the best thing he could do for her now.

--------------------------------

Brinkley didn't think she'd ever been this nervous on this side of the curtain. Even her first day was less nerve wracking than this. Her pulse thundered in her ears as she focused on her breath and tried to blank out the last few months.

“Don't forget,” Curt reminded her, hoping that any conversation would be calming, “you're not my valet this time. You're my partner. First time and last time with me, “ he looked over her outfit, the long leggings a better choice than her ass half hanging out of her shorts…at least for this match. The leggings were still stunning, criss-crossed orange and black lines went up the outside of each leg, large swaths were thin mesh, leaving a lot of skin somewhat exposed. The purple was perfect against her skin.

The top was another piece he bought, the strappy corset laced top. It added the perfect subtle sexuality to her outfit, not that she needed the help.

“Partners,” Brinkley reached out her hand, Curt took it, nodding his head as he smiled.

“One last time,” He took a deep breath as the entrance music began playing.

This time, he went out first, playing to the crowd and then building up Brinkley’s entrance to a surprisingly loud pop from the crowd. The sound made Brinkley grin widely. She wondered if the face turn would carry through her turning on Curt. They had been heels, but if the match was done like they’d planned…Curt would remain a heel and she would be the face among the Outsiders. That is until she adapted to their sneaky ways.

She felt comfortable with their plans. The future wasn’t scary - she wasn’t nervous or mournful like she thought she might feel. Curt hyped her up on the way to the ring as the camera followed closely.

The intimidating factor came from the two large men waiting in the ring for them. She almost wished she was still mad at Scott, it would make keeping a straight face easier. Especially with the way that Scott and Kevin looked at her like they were going to devour her. She did realize that she was the prize of the match - she let that boost her confidence and distract from the imposing opponents ahead.

She and Curt played to the crowd, mimicking each other's movements while they stood on the ropes in opposite corners. They synchronized their gum slapping and the crowd ate every bit of it up.

As they all four stood in the ring, separated only by the referee who was telling them to get to their corners, Brinkley pleaded to start the match. She enjoyed the acting part of kayfabe and she was among three of the best at it.

“C’mon Hennig, let me start, I can take these old guys!” She insulted them, as if Curt wasn’t the same age as them.

“Yeah, Hennig, let her take us on, let us have a go at the rookie,” Kevin nodded, sarcastically smiling as his words were meant to be insulting.

“Yeah, we got lots of moves for what’s about to be ours,” Scott pulled on a strand of her hair lightly, stepping back quickly as she shot him a warning look. The crowd responded as well.

“Yaaaaawn, same old tired moves you've been using for the last 15 years? Spare me,” she rolled her eyes, taking a step back as Scott started for her.

Curt shoved him back, barking at Brinkley to get to their corner. She frowned as if offended.

“Yeah, sweetheart, wait in the corner like a good little girl,” Kevin doubled down on his disrespectful tone. She flipped him off, but retreated through the ropes as did Kevin, Scott and Curt beginning their dance around the middle of the ring. After smacking gum through the air and a toothpick being thrown, the two locked up.

Brinkley tried to encourage Curt, holding her hand out for a tag but was denied when she was ignored. She played up throwing a tantrum, even playing the first couple of rows of fans that his refusal was “bullshit”. A contingent of fans started a change of the word, turning into a chorus against Curt. He was on the losing end now, Scott and Kevin having exchanged places a few times by now. Curt was far from the ‘fresh man’ in.

“CURT, COME ON!” Brinkley yelled, reaching her arm dramatically out over the rope as far as she could manage. The crowd was behind her, the chant now changing to “Tag her! Tag her!”

Curt took a clothesline and stumbled backwards, his hand falling into hers as she took the tag and he rolled out to the floor. She jumped into the ring, a disheveled Scott staring her down from the middle of the ring. He held up both hands, beckoning her to try him. He looked back at Kevin, both pointing at her and laughing. She took the chance to leg sweep him to the canvas, standing again quickly while looking down at his stunned face.

“Oh you got tricks?” He looked threatening at her, “Let’s do this then,”

He locked up with her, reminding her quietly to keep breathing through every move and that he was swinging her into the ropes. She followed the direction, sliding between his legs and grabbing his ankles, again leaving him on his back on the canvas. He cursed, slapping the ring in frustration as she ‘outsmarted’ him again.

She walked too close to the opponents corner and Kevin grabbed her, holding her against the turnbuckle. Scott lined up a punch, but right before he corrected, she slipped out of the grip downward, Scott connecting with Kevin instead and knocking him off the ring apron.

Scott looked over the rope at Kevin laying on the mats below, Brinkley threw herself into the opposite rope and toward Scott, hitting him with an arm bar that sent him over the top rope as well, landing on top of Kevin.

The thunderous pop from the crowd was deafening. She tried to not wince as the noise overwhelmed her ears. But she held up a hand above her head, calling for more.

The referee started counting out Scott who took nearly 8 of the count to roll back in. She had to use every ounce of her acting to not react to the dark ‘anger’ in Scott's eyes. He locked up with her again, once more slinging her into the ropes and hooking her into an arm bar takedown. She landed flat with a loud thud on the mat. She sold the fall, rolling to her side and moaning into the mat.

She looked toward her home corner and Curt was leaning over the rope, barking a demand that she tag him, she ‘drug’ herself towards him, but Scott grabbed her by the ankle and dragged her backwards to his corners, now tagging Kevin.

Kevin held her in the corner and she braced herself for the chops she knew was coming. He left them high to avoid a tit-shot, but there was careless padding higher and the slap stung, redding her skin. She sold it well, slipping downward again, only for Kevin to grab her by the hair.

She went for the easy low blow, Kevin selling like a champ as he went down into a fetal position. She knew Curt wanted back in and she should tag him, but she was having fun. And being with Scott and Kevin moving forward, who knew when she'd have a chance to fight them again?

But she was getting winded for real at this point and made a dramatic crawl that the crowd reacted to with supportive cheers; yelling louder and louder as she drew closer. She'd gotten at least 6-7 minutes in.

Just as Kev tagged Scott and he quickly stepped in, she slapped Curt's outstretched fingers and he came flying in with fresh energy, pummeling Scott. She rolled out under the ropes, “recovering”.

She caught her breath, hearing the bumps in the ring as she reached under it. The folding chair was exactly where it was supposed to be as she slid it out and slowly made her way to her feet. She held up her finger to her lips to the fans at the barricade as she played out her secret “cheat”.

She wondered how much heat she might actually pull as “ooooo's” filtered through the nearby crowd. She waited several minutes until her opportune moment presented itself, watching as Scott got the upperhand, and Curt was trying to mount a comeback.

She slid in the ring with the chair as Kevin had the attention of the ref, trying to enter the ring. The crowd popped when she picked up the chair, her knuckles white as she gripped the legs tightly. A thousand thoughts spun through her mind, but she ignored any objections of her own - knowing this was the best thing for the story line.

She landed a loud, safe slap of the metal chair against Curt’s back and stood for a moment while the crowd hushed for a second before reacting in surprise. Scott fell forward over Curt as Kevin pointed the ref to the cover. 1, 2, 3.

The heat from the crowd was instant and it bled over to Kevin who came over and celebrated with her. Scott was up moments later, each man holding a wrist of her’s in victory.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

She waited in the wings of the gorilla as they exited for Curt as he came back through the curtain. She couldn’t tell if he was mad or just exhausted. Maybe both. But as he looked up at her, trying to smooth back his hair, he grinned a little and smirked as he shook his head.

“Wasn’t expecting that…” He admitted, “But…it was by far the best way to do it.” He didn’t like feeling like he was left out of the conversation, but he also knew she owed him a couple of receipts for a couple of different reasons, “Are we even now? Or do I still gotta watch my back around you?” He joked.

“I feel like I should be able to still get in one rib before we call it even,” She postured, “but I GUESS we can call a truce,” She held out her hand to him. He looked at it and after a brief pause, shook her hand. They both smiled, but he could see tears creeping into the corner of her eyes.

“Thank you for everything, Curt,” She said through the ache in her throat. She felt silly for getting emotional. She would see him every night for the foreseeable future. They would likely be feeding in the ring, too. He would be trying to convince her to come back only for her to set him up for a Scott and Kevin melee.

But regardless, it felt like the end of an era for her. She finished shaking his hand, pulling away as they walked down the hall to wear Scott waited for her, slinging his arms across her shoulders.

“You guys headed out tonight?” Curt asked, “Got room in the back unless you wanna fight Steiner for the front,” he joked.

“Nope, in the morning, heading back to Scott's tonight,” Brinkley said, looking forward to that big house with just the two of them, “Kev's gonna swing by and get us,”

“We've still got a follow up interview to do for the next tv,” Scott reminded her as she started to untie her boots. She groaned, starting to lace them back up.

“I forgot about that, I'll be there in just a sec,” she told Scott, waving him on. He kissed her temple, making her giggle as he tickled her cheek with his stubble.

Sweaty coworkers filtered in and out, interrupting her lacing to compliment her on the match, almost always giving Curt his due credit, though he shrugged it off, humbly. He gave her all the accolades. Some even talked about possibly working together with Scott and Kevin.

When Russo came in with a compliment through his gritted teeth, Brinkley had to bite back her I told you so's, she took a page from Curt's book of humility and simply thanked him.

She looked at Curt who was finishing buttoning his shirt, “Guess we'll see you in Atlanta, then,” she said as he zipped his bag closed.

“See you in Atlanta, Brink. Keep those boys in line, now,” he teased, slapping her lightly on the shoulder as he walked out of the locker room. He walked alone to the car, knowing Ricky would be out soon. He tossed his bag into the trunk, laughing to himself as he imagined what mouthy, genius promo Brinkley was probably cutting against him. He looked forward to being as surprised as everyone else tomorrow when he saw it on a backstage monitor.

He had a few ideas of what she might say, each one making him laugh more than the last.

As he drove down the dark highway once again, he thought of how she would do great things. Her name would be in the marquee long after he'd retire. Who knows? Maybe in a strange twist he'd end up her valet.

“Everybody's jealous of your match,” Rick said, slouched down in the passenger seat with a baseball cap pulled over his eyes, “No one's gonna want to follow that kid,” he said.

Curt felt a genuine pride and some relief. But the credit for winning over everyone else was squarely with Brinkley. That was her gift, her natural talent. If only everyone had that, the locker room would be a far better place.

But as the night wore on and the yellow dotted lines passed by in the headlights, he felt content. He felt peace.

He'd done his job, he'd taught her well.

And though he hadn't expected it, he was thankful for all the things she'd taught him along the way, too.

#wrestling fan fic #wrestling fic #wrestling fanfiction #curt hennig #wcw #wwe #wrestling #fanfiction #pro wrestling #1999 #Scott hall #kevin nash #The Mentorship #wrestling smut #cameos by a lot of wrestlers

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rahleeyah · 2 years ago

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heyyyyyyyy d.c. anon here. Just wanted to say that I appreciate you sm. Like seriously. You take the time to listen and answer not only me but so many others with a rationality that is often needed. With that being said…

I wanted to give myself a couple days before asking anything bc I honestly didn’t know how I felt. I know I needed to give myself time to calm down from how I felt in the moment. I was absolutely heartbroken and gutted with what we got vs what was promo’d.

I feel like I went through the stages of grief lol. Eventually landing on acceptance that maybe that scene was possibly an ending and not a beginning? I can’t shake that feeling. I hope that I’m wrong. Genuinely. What do you think? Any reality where that might be where we’re headed?

But I can’t help but feel that having her say that she wasn’t ready three times and ending the scene with them apart feels like a sign? It would give both shows an out to move on? ::le sigh:: Idkkkkkkkkk lol.

Small disclaimer: I am still in my feels a little and I know that. So my negative thoughts are being fully acknowledged here. as well, I know everything that m has said and everything coming from the sr’s before the season started leans to the positive.

But I just can’t help but feel betrayed and strung along. To have invested decades to just be bamboozled feels… I can’t think of a word atm. I used to watch this show with my grandma on sick days when I was 12. I now have a toddler running around.

another disclaimer: there were positive things in the scene and I am also acknowledging that. I could go in forever but will spare you hahaha. The whole situation just makes me feel blah.

I understand why you feel like this and I appreciate you coming here and being honest (and self-aware!). it's been a few days since you sent this and I hope you're feeling better now. I don't share that particular feeling; I don't think they're ever gonna actually walk away from eo. whether we actually get to see them canon before the final episode of svu I also can't say, but they're not gonna close the door while the possibility is raking in the viewers. whatever it is, however long they intend to string us along, I don't think this was an actual ending. that would be a shitty business move lmao

it feels like tptb decided to step in an stretch it all out a little, but what we saw of the dialogue that was edited out doesn't really put eo in a better spot than where the episode left them. it looks like it was never the intent for this moment to be a real coming together, and we are where we would have been even if we'd gotten the material from the promos; eo were physically close and Elliot is sure but liv's not ready. the hug would've smoothed things out a little, would have been a more hopeful note to end on, but it doesn't really change that liv's not ready.

which makes sense. it hasn't been that long, really, since Elliot came back, and his wife is dead, and for so much of that time eo haven't been communicating at all, and yes the show has been going on for 24 years but it wasn't until Kathy died that eo was ever even possible, and even then it wasn't possible while Elliot was processing, and then undercover. they haven't really been flirting around the edges of this for 24 years; they spent 12 years telling themselves it was never gonna happen and ten years thinking they were never gonna see each other again and for the last two years there's only been a few months when el's head was clear and they seemed possible. this is, despite out impatience, still incredibly new for them.

so have hope, is what I'm saying. maybe not hope that we'll see them kiss before we all retire, but hope that this is not the end.

#anonymous #e.o asks #s.vu #dc anon

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londonspirit · 1 year ago

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Incoherent GO Rambles for prosperity

It's been two weeks and three days since Good Omens 2 dropped, and I'm still not over it.

CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR GOOD OMENS S2!!

For not even having WANTED the show, back when they announced it, I haven't been this in love with anything since S1!

I mean, I love the book and I was all for it when they said they're going to make a show out of it. (Do NOT get me started on the awesomeness of the cast; those who had been around, KNOW - the rest doesn't need to know the extents of my unhingedness back then!!!) I mean, I have a GO banner in my kitchen, for crying out loud!

Anyhow, when they announced a second season, I was more or less meh! Yes, I didn't really want it, it felt like overstaying its welcome and making the best of something that was too damn epic to be replicated again!!! (Which is still true for many sequels these days - some things just do NOT need a continuation! Some things just are allowed to END permanently!!!)

Boy, was I wrong!!! On second thought, I should've known. Neil (and Rob) know what they're doing. If anyone could make a second season of something that only existed in Neil's and Terry's heads, it was them.

Of course I was happy to get DT and MS back - they're just fucking epic together! Of course I followed the filming of it - it's DT, I always do (casually). But I didn't really care as much for it as I did for S1. I did see the promos and everything, I watched the trailer but my heart wasn't really in it.

But of course I watched it when it dropped (I'm not nothing but loyal to something I love(d), and I will always give it the benefit of a doubt). Well, I watched the first episode at work (calm day, and boss doesn't really care much anymore) and then the second one and since a dear friend had a head-start on me, she made sure I watched the 3rd one as well - I have never ever laughed this much about a stupid zoom-out onto a CAR in fucking EVER!!!!

I mean, that was one of the few reasons I was actually excited about it - John freaking Finnemore - I've been watching and listening to him for over a decade now (Thanks BC) so I KNEW it would be good on the writing front (Yes, I know, Neil's also very good at it, I never questioned the writing or anything!! I love him dearly; just didn't feel we needed more, that's all!)

Anyhow, I had to stop watching and could only finish after work on Saturday. I'm still utterly amazed that I wasn't spoilered on it - and GOOD LORD, am I glad for that!!!! Even The Leak didn't make it on any of my sm's - well, it did but I had that much self control to NOT click any links... which I will never not be grateful for!!!!!

Because it surprised me, shocked me, blew my fucking mind!!!!! In the best possible way, mind you!!!

I've NEVER really seen those two as lovers.

There, I said it. For me they had been best friends, platonic soulmates, whatever you wanna call two beings who hung around each other for over 6000 years and still wanna be around one another.

Of course I saw it all before: the art, the fics, the meta's and hey, good on you. Just wasn't how I saw it but hey, that's totally fine.

So The Kiss really caught me off guard. Like, staring at my screen with my mouth open and my heart pounding kind off guard.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I couldn't believe Neil went and did that. It was just too damn good to be true!!! (I mean, I've watched OFMD, I KNOW it's possible to do that but its soooo fucking rare these days, it's always better to expect disappointment than something some people have been waiting and wanting for over 30 years!!!!)

The rewind button got a workout, I was soo glad I wasn't at work watching that, so I could freak out properly, and I will be forever grateful that I had my friend who had watched it so I could scream and wail at her all I wanted and she was there for me, holding me virtually, screaming with me and just in general keeping me from losing my mind entirely.

It took me a while to wrap my head around it (still trying to catch up with all of Neil's asks (as I had been ignoring a lot beforehand as I didn't want to be spoilered too much)) and Im still sooo very much in love with it.

Yes, I am. It's maybe not the show I wanted but BY GOD, it's the show I needed. I loved S1, and I fucking ADORE S2 just as much. The whole damn thing is just perfect (as I should've known with Neil!) and I swear, Amazon better be renewing it, unless they want to deal with an angry mob of GO fans descending on their headquarters...

I ignore all the bigots and homophobes and in general people complaining about it because they're just wrong. If they still don't get it, yeah well... they never will.

I love how my very own perception of these two has shifted now. I mean, I knew they loved each other, just never really in THAT way (still understood why and how others may saw that differently, that's the beauty of fandom!). I still don't see it very sexual (right now at least), more like the kind of deep and endless love that comes after having spend sooo much time together, having avoided Armageddon and scheming against their bosses. It comes with trust and a feeling of 'he knows me better than I know myself'. It's a love humans probably never will have, and it's so fucking beautiful I wanna weep!!!

It made me write my first GO fic (after having tried and failed back in the days), and I hope there will be more because I am fucking inspired right now!!!

It made me fall back in love with DT which I never say no to *hehe* I mean, he's always been there for the past decade or so, at the back of my fandom life, popping up every now and then when there's new things he's done but boy, did he stoke that simmering flame into a roaring fire with his beautifully nuanced and incredibly heartbreaking Crowley! It does help that he ages like the finest wine and has never looked better! (although im still sad that demons apparently don't have freckles... god, I love those freckles so much!)

I'm still a little taken aback at the INTENSITY of my own feelings for this season! Right now, there's nothing more pressing than having the confirmation for a third season and then getting that on its way. (Its DOES help to know that Neil would be writing a novel in the VERY UNLIKELY case of S3 NOT happening!) But hey, that's take time, so I'll do the one thing I am really really good at - waiting. Trusting that the strike will resolved in favour of the artists, knowing that as soon as that happens, Neil will get on it. Hoping DT and MS still wanna do a third act with those two idiots, and knowing I will be a lot more invested in everything again going forward!!!

Until then, I will be rewatching it over and over, look at all the beautiful art and read all the wonderful fics, maybe write some more myself and just revel in the unapologetic love Neil (and the fandom) has for these two (That man's a fucking SAINT - I've never seen anyone have this much patience with our fandom, yet he's not afraid to call people out on their assholery if needed and I will love him deeply and wholly for the rest of my life!)

So yeah, basically just wanna say how very much I love Good Omens S1 AND S2!!! And that I was wrong!

NEVER doubt Neil Gaiman!

#personal #good omens 2 #go s2 spoilers #just in case #just needed to rant a little #go s2

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underworldsarcade · 6 months ago

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. . . INSIDE MY WORKSHOP BEHIND THE OLD ARCADE !!

an independent and semi - selective multimuse featuring a wide selection of muses. writer is undy ; he . they . it . 21 years old.

rules | muses | tags | thread tracker ( still updating )

BLOGROLL UNDER THE CUT ;

@irreggular - reginald reed ( 18+ only original character ) : primary

@mercmth - deadpool ( 18+ ) : primary

@orvlle - ed mercer : primary

@dfect - chai ( hi - fi rush ) : primary

@duskbrn - wayfarer ( original character ) : secondary

@intercpt - sci - fi original character : secondary

@hrrisn - sean harrison ( star trek original character ) : secondary

@turnabovt - phoenix wright : secondary

@mordiin - mordin solus : secondary

@underesources - resource blog : active

@finalfronticr - james tiberius kirk : secondary

#i could do whatever i felt like╭┈─ [ self promos ]#ok to reblog !!!#disney rp #transformers rp #star trek rp #columbo rp #undertale rp #ok ko rp #nsr rp #tron rp #lazytown rp #ace attorney rp

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aboutthemponies · 1 year ago

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Reflections on Whinny City 2023

Every pony convention has its special moments. Even after going to a dozen or so of these, every con has some unique special moment that jumps out, some wonderful little thing that you didn't expect which made your day. Normally those moments are things like getting to be a panelist on a friend's Pipp panel, adding an octave effect to Silver Quill's voice as he sings during an impromptu light saber duel, running the lighting rig for half of the concert and adding some really cool effects, winning a button during the SFM animation panel, blasting Discord while driving around Chicago, eating snow cones at a room party, etc. All those moments happened during this year and are treasured in my heart. But Whinny City this year was a different kind of special: it was the first time I performed on mane stage as a musician, leading the ukulele bronies to perform at the grand galloping luau. It's kind of a shock to me that this even happened. That I actually performed on Mane stage. That I made it; that I am a real musician.

I started out as a brony and a producer with my first DAW and no clue how to use it in 2014. That era was when MLP was at its popularity peak and after the hit musicians of the 2011-2012 era were firmly established. That environment was suffocating for a beginner, and it was hard to get any kind of encouragement with a music scene so large. Frankly, I wasn't cut out for it. After getting rejected from compilation albums so many times, I resigned to being a background musician, occasionally releasing tracks, never really getting better, and never making friends with any other musicians. After 7 depressing years of that, I stumbled into the dustcar Discord community, where I met most of my musician friends and where I finally felt like I had a place in this fandom.

That backstory only takes up a paragraph on your screen, but it was 7 years of my life and 75% of my fandom experience. That's a lot time to have experienced constant rejection, but at least it's made it clear to me how I want to interact with the fandom. Over that time, I've learned I don't like advertising myself, chasing popularity or trying to make it big because one, I'm definitely not at the same level as most of the other musicians, and two, chasing bigger view + like counts just leads to being unsatisfied with the following you do have, so I try to avoid playing the self-promo game as much as possible. That said, I do like making music, I do want to get better at making it, and I want my music to be valued, so despite this Celestia damned business, I put my stuff out there time to time. But what I've found that really motivates me is being apart of a tight-knit creative community, where every one is valued and supported at whatever their current level is. Dustcar (before the schism) was just that kind of community, and that glorious half-year of its existence was definitely my favorite time in the fandom.

A lot of people I know from that Dustcar/Busty's community like SOUND BANDIT, Evershade, rawrity, and even Chuckles started performing at cons post pandemic. It's been incredible to see my friends perform on stage, but it also invites the weird "should you be up there? When are you going to perform?" thought. It never felt like it fit well with my goals: performing is not going to make my production skills better, it's not going to help foster a community, I don't really want the spotlight, and I sure as hell don't want to get told I'm not good enough another freaking time. And yet... the theme was tropical getaway, and I just happen to play the ukulele more than any other instrument these days. I felt like I could pull off a ukulele-based set in a way that would actually be palatable, so I sent Snowy Charm a DM, pitched the idea to him, and he was down. I then sent DM's to literally anyone I could think of who played ukulele and attended MLP cons. The only other person who jumped on board was 4EverfreeBrony of all people! The application was accepted, I freaked out and swore for 5 minutes straight, and ukulele bronies was born!

Performing was stressful. I don't know if I would say I enjoyed it, with the 3 weeks of practicing every day for 1-2 hours, having a frantically fast sound check, and not being able to hear our ukes in the monitors. But I'm glad we did it, and it will likely be the highlight of my whole year. I want to thank every one of the people who performed on stage with me. Snowy helped me out so much, not only by figuring out by bringing the majority of the non-ukulele instruments and playing them, but also by being a second brain to bounce ideas off of. You brought so much experience as a professional A/V guy with you, and the set was sooo much better because of it! It also helped calm my nerves significantly. 4EverfreeBrony is such a legend; it's one thing to know that he's S tier, but to give him a new instrument (the baritone ukulele) and watch him learn it on the fly is astounding. It's such an honor to get to play with you; thanks for taking a chance on us! Thrack, thank you for DM'ing me last minute and jumping right in to the chaos with your bongos. JamesAsJames, I've always loved your record playing. Thanks for jumping on the invite last minute and adding to the synergy of the gang!

It was a really big honor to get to play on that stage. I don't think we blew anypony out of the water, and most people probably went to the luau because they wanted the food or already had a ticket, but the debut was incredibly well received by a lot of people whose opinion I cared about. Immediately after the set, I was floored when Koa congratulated us for the set and told me she liked some of my songs (huge Koa fan here in case you didn't know). Then we ran into the con chair Charlie en route to the elevator, who personally congratulated us. My friend Statoose (who also had his pony debut at this con) was gushing about the performance to me at a room party. Luck Rock congratulated me on a set well done and nailing the assignment of matching the set to the theme. And even some of the A/V team like Winchester gave their congratulations as well. All of those kind words mean the world to me; it's so validating after all these years of feeling terrible at music to have this kind of opportunity and feel like I made a valuable contribution to the fandom I've loved for so long.

There were so many wonderful moments too that came with the territory. My favorite was rehearsing on Thursday night before the con started; it was way more relaxed, everything was coming together perfectly, and the music was sounding fab. The mandatory musician meetups were a blast; spent the Saturday one hanging out w/ Statoose and talking about older fandom musicians, on Sunday's I brought the uke and was jamming w/ 4everfree, Canto, and Thrack. People came up to me to sign their con books, something I didn't even know people did, and I signed around 3-4 as well as Nexgen's shoes and someone's ukulele box. I gave away around 20 CDs of my music. Post con, all the musicians ran in to listen to the sonic rainboom together, and I organized a dinner with Pagan Pegasus, Ebunix, Snowy, Bolt, West, Blanket, + friends which was absolutely lovely. Later that night, I had a great time chatting for two hours about pony music with Luck Rock, BlueBrony, and TheOneGalen.

In all, I'm really glad I took a chance and applied as a musician. Not because it scratched some desire to perform, but because it made me feel apart of this community in a way I never felt before. And we did the thing: we showed the fandom that we can put on a successful set. I don't know if there will ever be a second ukulele bronies performance, but I am so grateful to this fandom for all the kind words, for the chance to shine, and the friends we made along the way. Thanks everypony!

–bramble <3

#brony #my little pony #whinny city pony con #musician

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capseycartwright · 2 years ago

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my 5 favorite fics i’ve written for fic writer appreciation day i love self promo

tagged by @queerpanikkar and i love love this idea bc its just so interesting to me to see what fics of their own an author recommends! tagging @clusterbuck @hattalove @thatbuddie @bibuddie @prettyboyandthekid @prettyboybuckley @henswilsons @eddiediass @mellaithwen @kitkatpancakestack @littlespoonevan @buckactuallys @buttercupbuck

we're building our own promised land - 16k

Eddie sighed, closing his eyes for a second. He hadn’t necessarily spoken these words aloud, just yet – not to Buck, or Hen, or anyone else – and he was afraid of the implications the words might make about him, and his newfound relationship status. But Eddie knew, know, that these things, if they went ignored, only festered, and became toxic and Eddie Diaz refused to ruin another relationship, refused to ruin the great love of his life, because he wasn’t able to say the words out loud.

“I,” Eddie paused, taking a steadying breath. “I don’t think I’m fully okay with the fact I like men, Frank. And I want to be. I just don’t know how to get from here, to there.”

- or, coming out, unlearning his shame, and processing his religious trauma takes a lot more time and support, and therapy, than eddie had imagined it would have.

it's funny 'cause i've always dreamed of me and you - 5k

when eddie gets shot, the last thing he expects is to wake up in a reality where he was married to his best friend. he had a girlfriend, for crying out loud - how could he be married to buck?

or, after getting shot, eddie spends a day in an alternative reality where he is very happily married to buck, and has a it's a wonderful life-esque experience.

i haven't been myself in a while (i'm sorry) - 10k

eddie was better - he was better, he swore he was better. he wasn't going to let some random sniper with a vendetta be the reason he couldn't do his job, so he had to better. and then the blackout happened, and eddie was falling out of a fucking helicopter and whatever god was out there controlling the universe had to be playing a sick joke.

- or, eddie's ptsd is triggered by the helicopter rescue, and recovery isn't so easy this time. not when buck isn't around.

without losing a piece of me (how do i get to heaven?) - 12k

eddie diaz had been baptised at six weeks old, born into a devout catholic family - the kind that went to mass every sunday, and enrolled in sunday school. it had defined his childhood and in so many ways it defined the adult he'd grown to become and maybe that had been the root of the problem, all along.

(he wasn't gay. no - of course he wasn't. he'd have known - wouldn't he?)

- or, eddie comes out. with a side serving of good old fashioned catholic guilt, pining, and hard conversations.

and i've been told, i'm heavy to hold - 10k

eddie is sixteen years old when he decides he doesn’t have a heart, and he's thirty two when he decides he doesn't want a heart, anymore, not if having a heart means you have to deal with so much pain, and heartbreak.

some days, it felt like he was swallowing glass, jagged edges tearing into the tender skin of his throat and reminding him that any happiness he's ever had - shannon, christopher, buck - was only ever temporary, because eddie had never deserved to have someone take care of his heart. no, eddie diaz's heart was always destined to crumble like dust, alone and unloved and undeserving of any more chances than the ones he had already wasted.

#in which i ramble #these are accidentally all eddie centric #but actually as it turns out i like quite a lot of my fic #it was hard to pick just five #in which lorna writes fic

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matt0044 · 3 years ago

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Little Witch Academia isn’t Harry Potter.

That should be obvious but it doesn’t always seem that way for some.

So… I like Little Witch Academia. I like The Owl House. I especially feel that that former deserves a second season. Hint Hint, TRIGGER.

I do not like how they’re being pushed as “Harry Potter Alternatives” or ”I Can’t Believe It’s Not Harry Potter.”

Not one bit. Here’s why:

Little Witch Academia has more in common with ”The Worst Witch” where a plucky young girls learns magic not because of some prophecy but because she wants to.

Atsuko Kagari was not The Boy Who Lived who lived with abusive relatives but a Japanese girl with a good living situation coming over to the UK’s best magic school.

There’s no Dark Lord hunting her down. Most of her adventures revolve around her school life where it’s more of a metaphor for art school with theme of self-expression. Even then, the final battle is more of a race to stop a missile from kicking off World War Three thanks to Croix’s misguidance.

Hell, Diana is less so mean in a cliche school bully sense and merely looks down on her dorkiness. At least compared to Hannah and Barbara whom she’ll call off if they get out of line.

I mean, Lotte does remind me of Ron but only on surface value at that.

Luz Noceda is similarly a far cry from The Boy Who Lived himself. She too is a plucky go-getter that gets in way over her head in the usual hijinks. Unlike Akko, she picks up magic more prodigiously and is very genre-savvy with the type of story she’s in.

Additionally, the settling for the story is never limited to Hexside. Luz’s time there is often small scale compared to her adventures throughout the Boiling Isles. We have episodes about Eda’s curse and family situation. King becomes an author. Amity… well, where do I begin?

Each show may have surface elements likely influenced by Harry Potter or elements it popularized. However, their individual appeal cannot and frankly should never be boiled down to that.

Yeah, it can work partially in recommendations but I’ve met others who felt Akko’s antics dragged down the show. Some felt that the cartoony elements like with Sucy’s dreamscape were just not for them.

Look.

I get it.

J.K. Rowling isn’t just a problematic children’s book author. She is THE quintessential problenatic children’s author. She’s not just a TERF but THE TERF, one who has emboldened many in their irrational hate with her massive platform and clout alone.

Harry Potter is how she got her profit and is still making bank off of it. Just the other day, I rolled into a Barnes & Noble where there was a bold display of everything Harry Potter and the Wizarding World.

I remember promos on Cartoon Network a few months ago on a gameshow themed around Harry Potter for its twentieth anniversary. It’s still going strong even with Fantastic Beasts becoming a clunker.

So one can’t just vote with their wallet or not engage with anything Potter. They see it necessary to discourage anybody showing interest in HP or any fans sticking to their guns for escapism’s sake.

One such way has been to push another show with similar elements to HP and claim that it’s ”better” somehow. Many use awfully superficial points of comparison that don’t say much aside from, “Don’t read the ’TERF books.’”

You know those ”I want a show/character/whatever” posts you don’t much these days if at all? The ones often pertaining to representation of minority groups in media? They’ve gone out of style due to how vague they could be.

Yes, they may be true but they never go over how said elements are handled. A gay protagonist doesn’t hold up to scrutiny if they’re killed out and in a disgraceful manner to boot.

This is the same vibe I get from these recommendations for what they make out as ”Harry Potter Alternatives.” Little Witch Academia has especially been done dirty by this phenomenon.

More so than with Netflix. :P

The Owl House at least has a plethora of video essays and Tumblr posts lauding its praises, diving deep into what makes it special beyond Harry Potter comparisons. LWA, even putting Netflix aside, hasn’t been that fortunate so a lot of ”watch this instead of HP” rhetoric doesn’t sit well with me.

I don’t want to like a show for what it isn’t. I want to like it for what it is. I want to fall in love with Akko with how she breaks the traditions of Luna Nova. I want to see Diana lowering her barriers and totes falling for Akko’s habit of throwing caution to the wind.

I wanna see Amanda sneak into a boys only school and sword fight her way out of a classical witch hunt. I want Sucy’s dreamscape where Studio TRIGGER go full freeaboo with their animation style.

See? Now those are selling points.

I recommend Little Witch Academia not as a Harry Potter substitute like thus is some sort of dietary recommendation. I recommend it for those looking for an Anime that you might’ve enjoyed as a child, being in Netflix’s kids section no less.

It’s got nothing lewd for those burnt out of fanservice. Akko is a charming young lady who every Magical Girl slacker protagonist would admire, voiced brilliantly by Erica Mendez in English (aka Ryuko Matoi) and Megumi Han (aka Gon Freecs).

The animation is among Trigger’s best with some very experimental episodes if you know Yoh Yoshinari’s work. Look up: Akko's Adventure in Sucyworld for just a taste of how wonderfully weird it can be.

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rwwinton · 2 years ago

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Okay guys, you know I rarely make promo posts here, but since I just had to buy a new computer after my old one finally gave up on me (it did an amazing job for 7 years, rest well old buddy), I need to put this out here. But I’m going to include a short story at the end for anyone to read!

If you want to read about my gay Boston coffeehouse owner, Nathaniel, and how he and his friends end up basically accidentally becoming rebel spies and witnesses to the beginning of the American Revolution, check out Let it Begin Here. And if you want to read about my aromantic and asexual privateer captain, Miles, and his adventures with his crew of queers on a stolen British frigate, check out Where Cannons Roar. If you already read and enjoyed these books, please remember to rate and review them wherever you purchased them, and tell your friends! Reviews are incredibly helpful for indie authors! My books are not pro-war, they are more like slice-of-life in a world where people just had to do whatever they could to make it through.

I also have a Patreon and a Ko-Fi.

If you’re into queer fantasy, I have a few things on Tapas, including a current project.

And as payment for enduring a self-promo post, here is a fluffy short story I wrote last year when I got really pissed off about some Twitter (RIP) thread with the theme of “those poor women in the past who had to endure their gay husbands cheating on them behind their backs.” My response was a purely sweet polyamorous story instead, also set in my Revolution world but after the war. (Content warning for mentions of war and also a dude trying to deal with society’s ingrained attitudes toward sexuality in the late 18th century.)

Noah looked out from the window of his house and watched as his neighbor, Luther, tossed feed to the four chickens in the yard, then walked toward the field and the two cows waiting peacefully inside. Noah had nearly lost those cows, but they had been spared by both the British and American armies that had marched across his farm. Perhaps it was because Noah had been among the American soldiers and had informed his officer that the farm was his, and had offered up three other cows to feed his fellow soldiers. He'd had more chickens before the war had begun, and two horses, but they'd not been there when he had returned.

He and Luther had served together. They had been neighbors all their lives and, being close in age, had always been friends. They had faced hell and more together in the late war, watched men killed by cannon and musket, saber and bayonet. They had marched without end and with poor supplies. Battled Redcoats and the elements. Felt the terror of battle, surrounded by the smoke of gunpowder and the cries of the wounded. They had courted death and come out nearly unscathed but for minor wounds and the nightmares that plagued them both in the early morning hours.

One morning, not long after returning home, Noah had decided to walk outside after being awoken by one such nightmare. He wanted to watch the sun rise over his small farm, to see open space where his mind expected other soldiers camped close to him, to not fear the British beyond the horizon. A treaty had been signed. That was why he was home, after all.

Luther had been sitting outside his own house, which was close enough that Noah could see him in the soft glow of the dawn, but not call to him without being too loud for so early an hour. He had invited Luther over with a wave, and Luther had soon joined him.

"I wanted to remind myself where I was," Luther had explained. "It isn't easy to sleep again when the dreams wake me."

"Will you help me with the farm?" Noah had offered.

Luther had nodded. "I would love to."

And so had begun a routine that had lasted for nearly a year. Luther came to the farm every morning and helped Noah with his daily tasks. It had allowed Noah the time to return to his business of watch and clockmaking and repair to ensure he had the money he needed to survive. He had considered selling the land for some time and moving to town, but he enjoyed the peacefulness afforded by the farm that had been his father's, where he had grown from boy to man. He knew his father would not have objected to the sale, as he had always been supportive of Noah's desires to perfect a skill and grow a business. He had secured Noah his apprenticeship to learn watchmaking, using what resources he could to send his only child to Philadelphia to be educated. He had sold pieces of the farm to pay for it, and Noah had been determined not to disappoint him. He wasn't the greatest watchmaker in all the country, but he had many customers both in town and outside it - friends and family members of locals who saw pieces he had made or repaired and wrote to him for their own pieces.

His mind wandered to the piece he had been repairing for Luther's mother, and he dreaded how he would deliver it to her once it was complete. Perhaps he could do it while Luther was at work in the print shop.

A gentle hand touched his back and he momentarily flinched, drawn from his thoughts abruptly. Another benefit to Luther's assistance was that it had also given him the time to court Penny, another friend he had had since childhood. He had been stunned to find out she had waited for his return, ignoring all other suitors until he could make it clear if he wished to marry her or not. It was an idea he had never been certain of. He certainly loved her and had for much of his life, but concerns over his own nature had prevented him from doing what any other man surely would have done many years before. But, having seen war and death, he longed for the comfort of family. With his only living relation a brother who had chosen the other side in the war, and who had left the house in shambles when he had chosen to depart, Noah had had no one else to turn to. Luther had been there, of course, but surely he meant to seek the comforts of his own family and leave behind the painful ties of war.

The memory of having had those thoughts caused sorrow to flare in his chest. He had been so terribly wrong in so many ways.

Penny slipped her arm around his waist and set her chin on his shoulder, gazing out the window at the farm lit by morning light. "You have been unhappy for a time now," she said quietly. "And it has been nearly a month since Luther joined us for dinner. If the two of you quarreled, why is he still doing work for you?"

"I don't know," Noah admitted, swallowing his pain. "I truly don't know."

She sighed and gently guided him away from the window. They sat down at the table, where breakfast had been set out while his mind had been so distracted from the present. As she sat, Noah noticed, as he always did, the growing swell of her belly that was their first child.

"Will you tell me what has happened between you?" she asked. "I don't wish to see my husband so distressed."

Noah sipped his coffee, but it did not settle well in his stomach. He swallowed heavily. "I don't wish to burden your thoughts with me. You have far too much to concern yourself with."

She gave him a sharp look, an intensity in her gray eyes that he was not used to having directed at him. "Including the concern that my husband, the father of my growing child, is struggling with something that he won't discuss." She reached across the table and gripped his hand, her expression softening. "I love you, Noah. That is why I want you to tell me. You've told me of the war, of the things you experienced - though I'm certain you failed to tell me some of the most terrible details. Yet you won't tell me this?"

Noah squeezed her hand and looked away. "It is because I love you that I don't wish to tell you."

How could he? It would destroy them. It would destroy their marriage and their family before it was truly formed. A family was all he longed for, and he could not lose his.

She sighed and stood without finishing her breakfast. "Speak to me when you've come to your senses," she told him as she left the room.

"Wait," he said, surprising himself.

She stopped and turned to him, walked up behind him and placed her hands on his shoulders. "Go on, love."

He did, before he lost his courage. His body shook as he confessed the truth, spoke the confession he had secretly longed to make. He told her how, nearly a month previous, Luther had assisted him in repairing the fence. The weather had turned on them, but they had persisted until the first drops of rain had become a torrent. They had run to the barn with the intention to return to their work once the downpour had ceased. They had arrived sputtering and soaked through, and had laughed at the absurdity of the situation. Luther had stumbled in the near darkness, and Noah had caught him, and they had laughed again. They had laughed until something had come over them, standing there in each other's arms, and then they had kissed. For Noah it had felt like the awakening of something he had long repressed, and he was powerless to stop, to remove himself from Luther's arms or end the passion growing between them. And so they had pleasured each other there, in the nearly empty barn, their moans and gasps lost in the howling of the wind and the lashing of the rain.

But Noah had been consumed by guilt from the moment it had ended. He had left Luther there, looking painfully heartbroken, and fled to the house despite the continued downpour. Since that day he had not spoken to Luther, had not left the house when Luther was on the farm.

"I cannot undo what has been done," he concluded, still shaking and stunned to still feel Penny's hands on his shoulders. "But I am terribly sorry. You cannot understand how sorry I am. I have wronged you, sinned against our marriage twice over. I can only promise it won't happen again."

"How can you promise that?" she asked. Her tone was gentle, but her grip on his shoulders was tight. "Do you mean never to speak to him again?"

The thought pained him. He already missed their conversations and their quiet morning work terribly. Penny knew what he had experienced in the war, most of it, but Luther had lived it with him. He had seen the things Noah had seen. He longed for the same comfort Noah did. At first, Noah had thought that the sole reason for his attraction and his yearning for his neighbor, but he knew it went farther into his past than that. He had always desired Luther, always seen him as wonderfully handsome. Yet, he had always been able to ignore those thoughts and desires by reminding himself that such a thing was not right. He'd focused his thoughts on beautiful women, especially Penny, and found his desire for them to be just as strong. It was a relief, he thought, to feel that way, to be able to distract himself from handsome men and remind himself how he ought to be. But his shared wartime experiences with Luther had brought their friendship closer, and even as he confessed to his patient, loving wife how he had sinned twice over against her, he felt shame at being unable to ignore the ache in his heart over the loss of Luther's companionship.

"If that is what I must do," he replied, his voice tight, tears wetting his cheeks.

She squeezed his shoulders. "Do you love him?"

The question was unexpected and brought him pause. He cleared his throat and confessed, "What I feel in my heart when I think of him is the same as when I think of you."

"You love him."

He bowed his head, covered his face with his hands. "I do."

She sat down beside him then, and pulled his head to her shoulder. "Then how could I ask you never to speak to him again? How could I ask you to give him up?"

He pulled away from her abruptly. There were tears on her cheeks and she looked utterly, terribly sad. "I won't abandon you," he declared. "You are my wife. You carry our child. I'm a husband, soon to be a father. I love you, and I'm committed to you and our family. I can't abandon you for such a life of sin." A thought suddenly occurred to him and he realized what her words might truly have meant. "Unless you wish for me to leave. I understand if you don't wish for someone as vile as myself around your child."

"Our child," she corrected. She reached out and gripped his hand firmly. "I love you, Noah. I want you to know your child, and I want more than one child. I want you to be the father of them, because I believe you will be a great father. You are not unnatural or vile. You are as God made you to be, with the ability to love deeply. Had you told me it was only something done out of lust, not because you love him, I would feel different I suppose. But Luther is a good man, and I know he must feel similarly toward you. Look how he still comes and helps with the farm work despite you acting as if he no longer exists. You have known each other all your lives, just as I have known you all of mine. If there is love between you that is happily expressed through kisses and sex, who am I to deny that?"

Her frank words left him staring dumbly at her.

She ran a hand through his dark brown hair, flecked in places with gray, then caressed his freshly-shaved cheek. "I love you, Noah. I want to see you smile and laugh again, as you haven't since this happened between you and Luther. I want you to speak to him, to repair your friendship if he'll allow it. I want him to visit again, to sit at our table and be a welcome uncle to our children."

He could scarcely believe what he was hearing. "Penny...?"

She smiled and leaned forward to kiss his forehead. "There is only one thing I fear," she added.

He swallowed. "What is it?"

"That you will forget me," she said quietly. "That you will prefer his company to mine."

"No," he swore, reaching for her and holding her tightly. "I love you all the more for this and I could not possibly forget your kindness and love. If there is ever a time you feel I am neglecting you, I want you to tell me. Even if Luther won't have me now and it is only us. I have a duty to you, as your husband, and I don't wish to ever disappoint you."

"I promise you," she said, sliding her arms fully around him. "I love you, Noah, for all that you are."

"Thank you," he breathed, and then broke into sobs, face pressed to her shoulder.

That evening, Noah walked to Luther's house when he knew Luther would have returned from his daily work at the print shop. It had taken him some time to compose himself after his conversation with Penny. He had not even gone to town himself to work in his shop, which he knew would put him behind on several orders. But Penny's unquestionable love and acceptance had left him feeling raw and exposed, yet not in a terribly bad way. He could put forth no other words to describe how he felt. He and Penny had spent the day together, assuring each other of their love. They had made love in the afternoon, and afterward Penny had listened thoughtfully while he had attempted to decide what he would say when he went to speak to Luther and offered her own advice.

He still felt terribly unprepared as he walked to the door of the house. Smoke drifted from the chimney, telling him that someone was home, though he didn't know if it was Luther or his mother. He took a deep breath and knocked.

It took a long moment for anyone to answer, but the door opened at last and Luther stood in the doorway. He looked disheveled, pieces of his dark hair fallen from his queue and his plain blue waistcoat partially unbuttoned. His face looked drawn, his eyes shadowed and stubble evident, the scar on his cheek from the ball that had nearly cost him his life or his jaw standing out among the dark shadow of hair.

"Noah?" he asked, his surprise obvious in his wide brown eyes.

Noah was immediately uncomfortable and his heart ached at the thought of what his appearance might mean. "I shouldn't have come unannounced," he said quickly. "I'm sorry if I'm interrupting your evening."

He almost turned to leave, but Luther seemed to realize his meaning. "I'm alone," he said quickly. "Mother is visiting her sister. I had a drink and fell asleep by the fire. I haven't been sleeping well."

Noah shifted uncomfortably and nodded, feeling foolish. "I'd like to speak with you."

Luther stepped back and motioned for him to step through the doorway. "Come in."

Noah did so and followed Luther to the chairs by the fire. Luther poured them each a drink, then sat across from him. He looked uncertain and swallowed a long drink of his whiskey.

"I wanted to apologize," Noah began.

"No need," Luther replied before he could say anything more. "It was wrong of me to instigate what happened between us. I didn't mean to cause you or Penny any pain. It was selfish and thoughtless of me."

"I'm sorry for leaving so abruptly," Noah continued, ignoring Luther's apology. "I hurt you. I should not have run as I did. What happened in the barn that day was something I had wanted to happen between us for years. Many years."

Luther appeared surprised. "What of Penny?" he asked. "I know you love her. You always spoke of her and wrote to her constantly."

"I do love her," Noah said with a nod. "The way I feel about you is the same. You mean much to me, Luke."

A look of pain crossed Luther's face. "You mean much to me, but please, don't tell me this. I won't allow you to harm your marriage. Penny doesn't deserve it. I never believed in the the sin of sodomy because it hurts no one unless it's forced - and then those forcing themselves on others are guilty of something far worse. But adultery harms others. I don't want to cause her any pain when she discovers you have been unfaithful to her. I can't allow myself to be involved in any more of it."

"She knows," Noah told him, earning another surprised look from Luther. "I confessed it all this morning. She doesn't wish to come between us."

Luther looked away. "She's ending it then?"

"No," Noah assured him. "She accepts you - me - us. I admitted how I felt toward you and she wishes to make you a member of our family, if Uncle Luther is a title you are willing to accept."

"She wants that?" Luther asked, his voice tight and his fear evident, as if he didn't dare believe Noah's words.

"She does. She encouraged me to seek you out and right the wrong I committed by running from you. I love you, Luther, and Penny believes you are a good man. I believe it, too."

Luther wiped tears from his eyes. "How could such an arrangement work?"

"I don't know yet," Noah confessed, "but I know we will sort out the details and find a routine that pleases all three of us. I believe it possible, and Penny does, as well. It is only a question of what you wish for, what you desire."

Luther laughed lightly. "I desire you, and the ability to tell you everyday that I love you. I wish to share our pain together, and comfort each other. I desire to dote on your children and spoil them as an uncle would, as neither of my sisters seem ready to give me nieces and nephews to fuss over. I wish to be a friend to Penny so she need not fear that I plan to steal you entirely away from her. I love you, Noah, and what I desire more than anything is to share a life with you, if you'll have me."

"Of course I will," Noah replied. "If the world were different I would have thought to marry you before I thought to marry Penny. She is a true friend and I love her dearly, but she did not endure what we have endured together. She knows me, understands me, but you know me from our shared experiences. But I want children, a family, also."

Luther chuckled. "I certainly can't give you those."

"You used to tell me you weren't certain if you wanted to marry and have children," Noah said, thoughtful. "Do you truly mean that?"

Luther shook his head. "I don't wish to marry or be a father, but it would have been difficult to admit the truth when it is all because I have no desire for women. I have always expected to support my mother until she is gone, then see to any children of my sisters. Had my father lived to see me now he would certainly have his own opinion on the matter, but Mother simply wants me to be content, even if it means lifelong bachelorhood. I think now I truly will be happy."

Noah stood, and Luther followed. They embraced and held each other as tightly as they were able. Noah felt Luther tremble and tightened his hold even more.

It was some time before they released each other and dried their eyes.

"I love you," Luther whispered.

"And I love you," Noah replied.

"Will you stay a few more hours?"

Noah smiled. "I would love to. Will you come inside for breakfast tomorrow? I believe Penny wishes for us three to talk."

Luther nodded. "Of course." He then leaned close again and, cupping Noah's face with both hands, kissed him softly.

The kiss quickly turned passionate, and only ended long enough for Noah to follow Luther to his small bedroom.

When Noah returned home it was only slightly later than he had originally planned. Penny had not waited for him, but had gone to bed without him. He changed quickly into his nightshirt by the light of a single candle, hoping not to disturb her, but he heard the bedropes creak as she turned over on the bed to look at him.

"Did the meeting go well?" she asked.

"Yes." He extinguished the candle and slipped into bed beside her. "I believe all is well. He will join us for breakfast to discuss it."

She found his hand in the darkness and squeezed it. "I'm happy to hear that. I had hoped it had gone well and that was why you were delayed."

Noah chuckled. "That is precisely why I was delayed, yes." He rested his head against her shoulder and drew a deep breath. "Thank you."

"Of course," she murmured. "You are more than welcome."

When Luther entered the kitchen the next morning, Penny did not hesitate to embrace him, and he did not hesitate to return the gesture. She kissed his cheek and welcomed him, and Noah saw the tear that escaped his eye.

"You are welcome in this house as long as Noah desires it. I visit my mother and sisters often, and I have much to do myself. Don't allow my presence to disturb you."

Her frankness seemed to surprise Luther, but he nodded. "Thank you."

"Of course," she added, "once the babe is old enough to notice things, more care will be needed to ensure your safety."

"When the time comes I may simply add a lock to the barn door," Noah suggested, only partly in jest.

Luther smiled at that. "And there is my house, though my mother needs to be considered." He turned his gaze back to Penny and took her hand. "You will never truly understand how grateful I am to you, and I promise I will never seek to demand Noah's full attention. We both love him, and he loves us both. I thank you for this opportunity to become a member of your family."

She smiled and patted his cheek with her other hand. "And I promise the same to you, for the same reason."

Noah, feeling deeply emotional, stepped forward and embraced them both, thankful to have such an accepting future.

#historical fiction #queer historical fiction #amrev fiction #writeblr #queer author #queer books

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sexcoffeeandkellynickelsfics · 3 years ago

Text

Jealousy - Erik Turner x Reader (Part 1)

Authors Note; something something this is probably kinda self indulgent I guess 😂 but like hopefully other people like it lmao. This chapter is the clean one… chapter 2 is not 🤭 there’s not really any warning except maybe alcohol and lots of it 😂 as always if you wanna be added to my tag list please feel free to ask!! 😘😘

You and Erik had been friends since way back when the only troubles in life were bloody bruised knees and night time curfews. You’d been friends forever, you’d supported him through starting the band always being front and centre at every show, taking the bands promo pictures and helping with sticking flyers up everywhere whenever you could. Erik and the boys were like your brothers you’d do anything you could for them.

You’d started developing a crush on him when you were a teenager but never acting on it as he was your closest friend, you thought the strings of failed boyfriends you had would stop all those feelings but they never did, the boyfriends turned into drunk one night stands you’d pick up from the bar after watching the boys play almost as a way to cope after watching Erik whisper in the ear whatever girl he was chatting up that night and then lead her away.

You continuously tried to convince yourself you weren’t jealous but always failing, tonight was particularly bad. The boys had played a stellar sold out show and were now using the rest of the evening to get as drunk as possible as fast as possible. You sat alone in a corner booth in the club nursing a beer, the music thumping loudly from the speakers and the smell of smoke, sex and cheap perfume filling your nostrils. You glanced over at the bar where you saw Erik flirting with a busty brunette. She was twiddling her hair around her fingers and laughing at everything coming out his mouth. If that wasn’t enough to make you see green she started raking her finger up and down his exposed chest under his jacket.

You slammed your beer down on the table in frustration.

“You gotta do something y/n” you turned to your left and saw Joey and Jerry stood next to you. They both knew how you felt about Erik and were constantly encouraging you to make a move on him but you never did. They saw how seeing him with other girls hurt you which in turn hurt them seeing how beat up you were about it, you were like a sister to them and they couldn’t keep standing by and watching you get your heart unintentionally broken every night.

“But how?” You stared at them both picking the bottle back up and knocking back the dregs.

They both slid into the booth either side of you and spilled out their grand plan to you.

“And if he doesn’t get jealous?” You tilted your head at them.

“Then we gotta amp it up” Jerry winked at you.

You pondered over the plans you’d created with the boys.

“Okay fine” you clanked your beer against Joey and Jerry’s.

“This better work” you nervously laughed.

“I promise you it won’t fail” Jerry grinned.

The three of you patiently waited for Erik to return from his latest conquest hoping he wouldn’t be too much longer, you began to get tired of waiting and stood up throwing your leather jacket over your shoulders readying yourself to leave when Joey elbowed you hard in the ribs and nodded toward the door as Erik sauntered back in looking slightly disheveled and obviously forgetting to fasten the top button of his pants back up.

You huffed holding back the tears that had been welling up in the corners of your eyes. Jerry clocked on to your frustration and jumped out of his seat yelling about shots and gathered everyone at the bar as the boys ordered the rather large order of shots. You’d already knocked back two before the bartender had finished pouring them out, shots were always your undoing so hopefully they’d make you feel less anxious about this plan. Already feeling the warm alcohol flood you, you decided to lean into the side of Joey and began fiddling around with the buttons on his shirt.

“Hey pretty girl” he smiled at you placing his hand firmly on the curve your ass causing Erik to side eye the pair of you. Jerry turned to you thrusting another shot into your hand.

“1, 2, 3, GO” Jerry yelled as everyone knocked back the liquid in their glasses.

Feeling suitably less anxious you decided to ramp up the jealousy plan. You removed your jacket throwing in onto one of the seats at the bar and sauntered over to Jerry who was leant on the bar laughing with Jani and Steven. Jerry turned to you and grinned and you grabbed him by the waistband of his leather pants pulling him in to plant a messy kiss on his lips earning a wolf whistle from the rest of the guys apart from Erik who looked like he was about blow steam from his ears. Jerry looked down at you wide eyed, shit eating grin spread across his face.

“You sure you want Erik cos y’know I am available” he wiggled his eyebrows at you. You playfully poked your tongue out at him and he laughed.

“So y/n is all this in order to make that slut jealous” Jani asked you gesturing over his shoulder at Erik who was draining another drink.

“Maaaaaybe” you slurred slightly. It was all fun and games but the reality was maybe he wouldn’t get jealous and all this would be for nothing. You felt the tears sting at the corner of your eyes again and quickly composed yourself by grabbing Jani’s bottle from his hand and chugging it.

“Say no more” he said grabbing your hand and dragging you towards the dance floor and began twirling you around. He stopped and pulled you into him so you were facing away from him and pulled your hair back behind your ear and leaned right in.

“I’m gonna place my hands on your hips is that okay?” He whispered to you. You nodded and leant into his grip and swayed along to the music with him

There was never anything said about Erik’s bandmates being off bounds, you’d never even though about messing around with them you’d always only had eyes for him.

You suddenly ripped from your thoughts by an extremely pissed Erik.

“Erik what fuck?” You half yelled at him.

“Shouldn’t I be yelling what the fuck at you?” He snapped back.

“What the fuck for?” You were starting to get mad now.

“I dunno all the random men you bring home to fuck for one night weren’t good enough anymore so you started on the band?” He yelled at you.

“Fuck you” you spat at him, feeling yourself reach boiling point you shoved past him retrieving your jacket from the chair at the bar and stormed out the club into the night.

Jerry repeatedly yelled for you to come back to no avail, turning to Erik he shook his head at him.

“Fucking fix it”

“Fix what, there’s nothing to fucking fix Jer” he shouted back at Jerry.

Jerry shook his head and began spilling everything to him, Erik’s face dropped.

“FUCK” he shouted as he ran out of the club into the night after you.

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suchalonelysunflower · 4 years ago

Text

Babylon (l.h)

End Up Here -Part 5

Pairing: Luke Hemmings x 5sos! Fem! Reader

Summary: A lot has happened and too many things were left unsaid. Even after a month they still find ways to be in each others mind.

Warnings: Angst and smut. Mentions of vioence, physical abuse, mental abuse, sexual abuse, harassment, cheating, fighting, sexism, frustrations, alcohol. Language and some grammatical errors (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word count : 10.1 k

Author’s Note: I cried a lot writing this, so I’m sorry. Final Part coming up March 16th! Remember that Reblogs, Feedback, Comments and Likes are very important! You have no idea how much they help me ❤️ Hope you like it and Happy Reading 🦋🌻✨

My Materialist // wanna be part of my tag list?

Series Materialist || part 1 || part 2 || part 3 || part 4

Liked by banksmadden, 5soslover55 and 1,750,316 others

yn5sos how did I end up here?

View all 55,432 comments

ashtonirwin who’s there with you?

hater7 pathetic

ynfan2 LEAVE HER ALONE PLEASE

5sosfan9 this is so irresponsible. I thought you were better.

↪️ yn5sos me too

“OUT OF CONTROL: Singer Y/N L/N seeing partying once again after the concert. L/N was last seen with a crowd of people, none of which were her bandmates”

“Sensitive, are we? On their last concert, Y/N L/N from the band 5 Seconds of Summer was caught running away from the stage mid-show, leaving her poor bandmates Calum Hood and Michael Clifford to finish the song for her. L/N came back minutes later to finish the show. Videos show the singer crying along to the love songs”

“5SOS BREAKING UP? SINGER Y/N L/N GOING M.I.A ON BAND’S SOCIAL MEDIA LEAVES FANS CONFUSED AND WORRIED”

“Y/N?!” Ashton kept banging at the door. His patience ran thin as the girl refused to answer “Y/N! C’mon!”

“She’s still not answering?” A voice called behind him.

Calum and Michael were already dressed up, ready for another day of interviews in a foreign language. Ashton assumed that the girls were already downstairs waiting for them.

The older man shook his head, frustration clear on his face as he kept banging on the door like it was his drums.

“Y/N, I will break down the door if you don’t open it!”

It wasn’t an empty promise. They could pay the hotel after but he’d be damned if something happens to Y/N.

She hasn’t been herself since Luke left. When they came back from doing promo that day they were met with the news of him leaving. Y/N didn’t leave her room that whole day.

They were mad, furious even, with Luke. All the things they warned him about were thrown down the drain. They told them not to believe the media and to talk to Y/N but he did none of those things, he only made it worse for all of them, especially the girl who was now spending half the tour absent-minded over heartbreak.

She told them several times that she was fine “I asked him to leave” She would say. But they know better than to believe her right away when she says those stuff, not after that night when she told them the truth about Madden. They swore never to make that mistake again, but history was repeating itself! Only this time it was ten times worse.

Y/N would go out every night after the show, no matter in which part of the world they found themselves in. She was determined to drown herself in alcohol rather than self-pity. They tried to spot her several times but she wouldn’t listen, so they agreed that at least one of them would accompany her whenever she went out just to make sure that she is safe and that she doesn’t go too far.

Last night, however, it was Michael’s turn but Beth felt sick so he couldn't go. He texted Calum, but he was already asleep so he didn’t see the message. Ashton was out with Dani for a date night and when he came back he found Michael in the lobby asking for some medicine for Beth’s stomach and when Calum answered their call with a sleepy voice they realized that Y/N was alone.

And now she wouldn’t answer the door.

“Y/N, I swear to God!”

“Why do you gotta bring the lord into this?”

The three men turned around and found Y/N standing next to them. Her hair was messy and her makeup was smudged, but his eyes remained empty as she looked at them quizzically.

“Were you already downstairs this whole time?!” Ashton asked, raising his voice. Y/N cringed as she shushed him.

“Ugh, could you talk any louder? My head is killing me”

Calum looked at his friend up and down, realizing what was happening “You just came back, didn’t you?”

All three of them turned their heads to her, unable to believe what was in front of them. This wasn’t the Y/N they knew. She was never like this, ever.

Y/N rolled her eyes at the sad, angry, and pitiful looks of her friends. She didn’t need to answer what was obvious.

“Where were you all this time?” Michael asked “We were worried sick”

“Wow, thanks dad,” She said with sarcasm, walking towards her door as she tried to find her key somewhere along with her pockets “I was at the bar. Did you know they open 24 hs? There’s no such thing as the last call here! I love this country”

She let out a little squeal of joy when she finally found her key, pushing Ashton out of the way with the side of her body as she inserted it on the lock.

“We have an interview in 30 minutes!” He reminded her.

“Yeah, your girl told me that downstairs” She answered before she started to close the door “Have fun with that”

But before she could close it completely, Ashton’s foot got in the way.

“You can’t keep doing this, Y/N,” He said with a serious tone, ignoring the pain of the door hitting his foot, still trying to close on him.

Y/N pushed a little harder “I want to sleep, Ashton. Good night”

“No! Goddammit, Y/N. This has gone too far!”

She opened the door, making Ashton trip, and almost fell to the floor in front of her. She was beyond pissed as she began to talk.

“No! Everything has already gone too far, I’m just catching up!” She spat loudly, making the boys look at her in surprise “Madden went too far, the media went too far, the industry went too far and Luke went too far. And I let them crash into me like I’m just a bystander, waiting to pick up the pieces they left of me! So excuse me for finally doing whatever they thought I did. Forgive me for catching up to this fucked up world and finally live up to their false expectations! But I’m not allowed to break down, not right now and probably not ever! So I will keep running. Maybe that way, if I catch up, they’ll leave me the fuck alone” Her eyes filled with tears as she spoke, but she will not cry in front of them. Not anymore “So, good fucking night”

Ashton closed his eyes when he felt the wind of the door slamming inches away from his face. He raised his hand to knock again, but soon he let it fall with a sigh.

He turned around to face the guys and they all had the same hurt expression, not because she hurt them, but because she was hurting herself. They all thought she was doing it unconsciously, but now it was rather obvious that she knew exactly what she was doing.

Y/N is destroying herself because there’s almost nothing left of her. So she’s speeding up the process.

“We can’t leave her like that” Michael said in a whisper, none of them were looking at the door right now, all their eyes were set on the floor as they contemplated their options.

“Well, she doesn’t want to see us. That’s for fucking sure” Calum murmured.

The three men stood in silence in the hallway. Breathing heavily from time to time as their minds tried to find a way to reach out to Y/N before it was too late.

“We have to do something” Michael broke the silence again, fidgeting with his fingers as he met the worried eyes of his two best friends “The fans are already saying that she’s going to leave the band and-“

“No,” Ashton interrupted him, clenching his jaw as the headlines of the articles ran through his mind “We are not letting that happen”

“But what if she wants to?”

“Then that’s not our Y/N/N,” He said “And I refuse to lose her this way or in any way, for that matter”

After a few minutes, it was clear that Y/N was not coming out of her room any time soon. So the boys had to get downstairs to get to the interviews, already thinking about excuses to justify her absence once again.

They wanted to stay with her, but management was already being too hard on them as it is, and they didn’t want Y/N to pay the consequences if they didn’t show up to at least one promo interview. So they had no choice but to leave her alone in her room.

Once the elevator doors opened, the three of them were met with the worried eyes of their girlfriends who quickly met up with them halfway.

“How is she doing? She didn’t speak to us when she came through the doors” Bethany explained as she stood next to Michael, grabbing his hand in comfort.

Ashton just shook his head.

“We talked,” Kat said with a sigh “We decided that we are staying here with her”

“What?”

“You’ll be fine in the interviews without us, but she needs someone. Even if we just wait for her in the lobby all day. Someone needs to check up on her” Kat continued.

“She’s lonely,” Danielle followed, “Even if she doesn’t want to admit it. She’s hurting too much for words to even describe”

The boys knew they were right. Even if Y/N doesn’t want to, they will still be there for her every step of the way. They were not going to leave her to drown.

“Thank you,” Ashton said, truthfully “But there’s gotta be something else we could do for her… just standing by and keeping an eye on her while she wastes away is just…”

He couldn’t finish the sentence, he didn’t need to. They all knew what he was referring to; that damn feeling of helplessness and hopelessness.

“We’ll figure something out,” Calum said confidently “We are not going to give up on her”

There was nothing much to do back in L.A. as Luke found out when he stepped out of the plane almost a month ago. His life has completely changed since he met her and now… Now she was gone and he was left with nothing.

It was his own fault, that’s what he reminded himself every single day since the morning Y/N asked him to leave. He acted on emotions rather than with reason, angry with the world that allowed him to get close to her just to rip her out of his hands the moment he realized his mistakes. He should’ve listened, should’ve fought, should’ve stayed. He should’ve done a lot of things and now he doesn’t even have the chance to fix it.

He hasn’t checked anything about Y/N since he came back. No articles, no tweets, no posts… nothing. He feels as if he didn’t have the right anymore. He never had the right to do it from the beginning, not without letting them fill his brains with lies that eventually left him in pieces.

How could he? How could he let all those things get to him? Everyone told him to ignore them, not to believe the lies that were written for the clicks and the gossip. He knew the truth, he lived with it, and yet, he had turned on her the second it had become too much.

Y/N was a private person and Luke could never understand why. Why if she was so private with her life did every news article write about her? They were all lies. And if he had at least an ounce of decency he would’ve realized that sooner and stand by her side instead of siding with the media. Yet, those thoughts were sticking with him at the back of his head, haunting him even in his sleep.

How easy it was for him to turn away from her. How easy it was for him to leave her. But how hard it was to ignore the love he feels for her, knowing that she won’t take him back and with good reason. Y/N deserves better, in every way, shape, or form. She was such a bright light in such a dark world, and he just hopes she will be strong enough to see it someday, even if he’s not by her side anymore.

God, he was just a fucking idiot.

And now, as he walked past the coffee shop where they first met while he fought the urge to cry again, he was willing to beat himself up for it. For losing the only person he cared about just because he wasn’t brave enough to fight for her as he should’ve. There wasn’t anything that didn’t remind him of Y/N, nothing he could do to shake the self-inflicted pain he caused, so he thought better than to let it consume him.

Luke sat on an empty bench near the campus, his classes didn’t start until a month from today but he longed for some kind of distraction. Once he settled, he took out his notebook and started writing. He doesn’t write about love anymore, rather he wrote about the loss of it while still mourning it fresh on the flesh. Finally understanding what Ashton meant when he said that heartbreak breaks you, and, for a moment, he thought about how she might feel at this moment; if she, at least once, thought of him with something wasn’t hate.

He spent hours sitting outdoors, writing as if his time were to end at any moment. He wrote letters of forgiveness, poems of grief, and free thoughts of the guilt he was feeling. He didn’t mention her, but they were all about and for her. For his Y/N who was now a world away and who he will not call his ever again.

It must’ve been late when his phone started to ring; the streetlights were starting to lit up the pavement as the sun started to set, leaving soft shades of pink and purple to cover up the sky. He didn’t know the number, so he let it ring thinking it might be just one company trying to sell him something he didn’t need.

But the unknown caller was relentless; calling and calling until Luke decided to answer after the fourth time.

“Hello?” He said, annoyed by the interruption. He didn’t want to talk to anyone; not like he had anyone to talk to, after all.

“You fucker” The voice at the other end said. Luke froze when he recognized it.

“A-Ashton?”

“Were you expecting the fucking queen?” He sounded angry and even through the phone he left Luke completely intimidated as he sunk into his seat.

“How - Whose number is this?” Luke asked, knowing he had all their numbers saved in his phone.

“Would you have answered if you saw my name on the screen?” He wouldn’t, they both know it. But at the same time…

“Why are you calling me?” He finally muttered, his head wrapped around the only reason Ashton, out of all people, would be calling him. He knew it was not to catch up “Is Y/N okay?! Did something happen to her?!”

Something must be terribly wrong if Ashton was calling him. That man was very protective over his best friend and Luke was sure he would’ve killed him if he found him the day where he yelled at her, knowing that Y/N must’ve told him everything. He knew Y/N was not going to forgive him and neither will the boys for that matter. That day he lost more than just his girl.

Ashton laughed without any kind of humor “No, she’s not. Of course, she’s not! You happened to her, mate. I don’t know what the fuck you did but she hasn’t been the same since you left.”

Luke’s eyes widened “She didn’t tell you?”

If he thought about it, it really wasn’t that surprising. Y/N never talked about her problems with him, but the boys always knew everything, them being the only people she knew she could trust with her whole heart. Luke had always been jealous of that, but once he found out the truth of why she kept some things for herself he understood why she could only trust her bandmates with it. He immediately thought that she would tell them everything, every word he said and the hateful words he wrote, but she didn’t and that could not mean anything good.

“She told us enough. That you believed the lies of her and Madden and didn’t let her explain before you lashed out and she asked you to leave. Not a single detail about it, only that you were gone and were not coming back. I guess she didn’t want us to kick your ass, but Luke, you better be certain that-”

“I know!” Luke said with a sigh “I deserve it”

“Dude, what the fuck did you do to her?”

How could he tell him? How could he mutter the courage to tell one of his best friends how he absolutely fucked up? Ashton would hate him, with every reason in the world he should hate him. Luke just hoped that he didn’t.

He, Calum, and Michael were the only friends he knew since he met Y/N. They took him in, welcomed him into the group with gritted teeth with the only condition to never hurt their friend. And after a year of being friends, he broke not only Y/N’s trust but theirs as well. And the fact that Y/N didn’t tell them what he’d done seemed cruel because now he had to. Breaking more hearts than their own.

“I fucked up, Ash” Luke muttered, rubbing his eyes with his fingertips as he crouched forward on the bench and placing his elbows on the top of his thighs, getting ready to face the consequences of his actions “I fucked up badly. I was just- You saw those articles, you saw those tweets and those photos. She never talked about him so I thought… What was I supposed to think? She had a reputation, and with the way, she acted the night before it all made sense to me. So I snapped”

“Luke, I swear to GOD if you touched her-”

“NO! God no, I would never!” Luke quickly stated, horrified at the thought of ever hitting her. He was not like that. He would never be like that “But the things I said to her… fuck, Ash. I threw everything in her face, called her a whore and a cheater without giving her a chance to explain herself. I was so fucking angry and she didn’t say a word. She took all of it in silence and I kept going, even when she begged me to stop I kept going... I didn’t know. You must know that I didn’t know what happened to her or her past with Madden. If I knew then I would’ve never-”

“But you did”

Ashton's words were simple, but they cut deeper than a knife through Luke’s heart. He never heard him sound so disappointed and angry. It reminded him of her and the last words she said to him.

“Luke, this girl has been through so much and you still went and dragged her through the mud just to hurt her”

“I didn’t want to-”

“Don’t fucking interrupt me” Ashton barked into the phone “You did. She gave you everything she could give and you threw it on her face like it was nothing without a chance to explain herself. And it’s not like she could run off, turn off her comments and go back to a normal life! I have never seen Y/N so broken since-” He stopped “What did she tell you?”

Luke knew he was referring to Madden. He remembers her face covered in tears, lips trembling and body shaking as she told him what happened in that relationship. He finally saw the hurt and scars that covered her soul.

“She told me what she could”

Ashton sighed “Then you must know that she would never go back to him,” He said, Luke could tell by his voice that he was hurting, too “He met her at a concert in our second world tour as a solo act. He is the son of a very famous producer and they hit it off right away. We didn’t know exactly when things turned for the worse, but we knew something was happening. She would cover herself more, never hanging out with us unless he was present, she wouldn’t eat in front of him or talk to any of us directly unless it was something about work and that still pissed him off. We all heard the rumors of him cheating on her, but she always dismissed them saying that he loved her and he would never do that. I still wonder what other things we didn’t know that she’s still processing.

It wasn’t until the night he almost killed her that we understood the severity of it. She came by my house while I and the others were hanging out. She was bleeding all over herself, her face was covered in blood just as her shirt and pants. It was terrifying; I don’t remember ever driving that far to the hospital, paying the nurses to keep quiet because she kept asking to keep it a secret. That bastard broke her nose and one of her ribs. She had bruises on her arms, stomach, eye, inner thighs, and legs and a cut over her eyebrow. She lost a lot of blood on her way to my house so Calum had to donate some of his because she needed a transfusion. She stayed in the hospital overnight; the next morning we filed a restraining order against Madden and she moved in with me that same day, promising herself and to us that she would never let someone do that again to her. We promise we would never let anything happen to her from that moment on”

Luke was shedding silent tears at Ashton’s story, all the things he imagined happened to her didn’t compare to the reality she suffered. And he only made it worse.

“She was never the same after that” Ashton continued “Until you came into the picture”

Ashton could hear Luke crying over the phone, his sniffs had given him away. But he knew he needed to hear this; he needed to know.

“We didn’t want you to get close to her, afraid you might hurt her the same way Madden did, but she insisted that you were different, that you were a good guy. And against our better judgment, we believed her. We never expected that little by little, we would get our Y/N/N back. She was smiling again, laughing and singing songs about the love we never thought she’d be able to sing again. It was so obvious that she loved you that we couldn't do anything about it but be happy for her, you brought her back to us.

I guess Madden saw that and didn’t like it, that’s why he came to see her that night. We don’t know much about what happened there or what he said to her, but she was shaking when she came back. All she said was that he cornered her, threatened her and called the paparazzi that worked for his father to take pictures of them, and since we were not in America, there was nothing the restraining order to do to help her”

“He did what?!” Luke shouted at the phone, fuming over the fact that that fucker decided to get close to her when she was vulnerable. He promised that if he ever saw him he’d kill him.

“Now you care about what happened?” Ashton asked in return, frustration lacing his voice at Luke’s sudden feeling of protection “Luke, she called you over ten times that day as she was breaking down in the green room. She asked us all if we could get ahold of you because the driver came back without you. She was so fucking scared and you weren’t there when she needed you by her side. So don’t you fucking dare get offended right now. It already happened and you weren’t there”

Ashton was right. Luke had no right to be furious at the moment, given that he was the one who abandoned her deliberately when he saw the pictures of her and her abuser. He had the excuse of ignorance, but that wasn’t enough. It never has, not it ever will be, because his girlfriend needed him at the time and he left her alone.

He cried into the phone, not caring if Ashton could listen or not. He was so fucking angry at himself, at Madden, at the world… He was supposed to protect her, he said he would and then he gave the final punch. He failed her because of his insecurities.

“I’m sorry” He cried, but Ashton was having none of that.

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing for”

“She doesn’t want to-”

“Listen to me you shit” Ashton hissed into the phone “I don’t care what you think she wants. She is destroying herself over the fact that the last person she thought would hurt her left her because he chose to believe the lies of the media over his own girlfriend”

Luke’s heart broke all over again “She’s what?”

“Oh my god, how dense are you, dude? Now you decide to ignore the gossip?! She’s been going out all night, drinking herself to death and refusing help from any of us. She is slowly killing herself by killing her soul” He sounded worried, scared even, as he muttered the last words “We are losing her”

“Wh-what can I do?” Luke asked helplessly. Not being able to bear the thought of Y/N being gone.

“We booked you a flight. Figure it out and don’t make us regret it”

“Forgetting the lyrics again? Y/N L/N surely knows how to displease an audience”

“Y/N L/N MISSES YET ANOTHER INTERVIEW AFTER PAPARAZZI CAUGHT HER AT A PARTY THE NIGHT BEFORE”

“What is going on with YN?”

He arrived late to the hotel, having his flight delayed for a few hours, and the boys were already waiting for him in the lobby. Luke took a deep breath as he spotted them from afar, they were talking among them, concerned looks covering their expressions as they looked through their phone.

Luke walked up to them, mustering enough courage to say “Hi,”

The three men turned towards the blonde, Calum quickly walking up to him and punching him in the face, caught Luke by surprise as he backed up holding his nose and looking at Calum with widened, surprised eyes.

“That’s for hurting my best friend, you asshole!” He said, making the other guests look in their direction.

Luke hissed as he made sure he wasn’t bleeding “Thank you. I deserved that” He said, blinking twice “But to be honest I was expecting Ashton to deliver the blow”

“Calum won at rock, paper, scissors” Ashton shrugged “But that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. We still need to have a serious talk and I might punch you there”

Luke nodded, understanding that he did not only fail Y/N, but he also failed them. He promised them that he would take care of their best friend and they believed him. They even helped them get together and served as trust advisers for Luke about what it means to date a celebrity and yet he ignored every single one of them.

He might never get their trust back, but now they needed to focus on other things more important than that.

“Where is she?” He asked.

“Out,” Michael answered “The girls went with her. We don’t want her to be alone when she’s drunk”

They started walking towards the door, getting into the car that would take them to Y/N and the rest of the girls. “Do you know what you will say to her when you see her?” Calum asked.

“No,” Luke answered honestly “I guess I’ll know then”

“And you better not fuck it up again, Hemmings, or I swear it’s going to be the last thing you do”

The dance floor was crowded. People were dancing one against the other as the beats of the songs reverberated all over their bodies and started the flame of having just one night of fun. Among them it was Y/N, dancing in the corner with her friends and ignoring their concerned eyes as she moved freely thanks to the alcohol that was cursing through her veins. She knew she had to wake up soon, but she just wanted to keep living this dream every night instead of facing the nightmares that would come in the morning.

She missed how easy everything was before that night when the nightmare started. When she couldn’t find Luke in the crowd of their concert nor their bedroom late at night. Now she doesn’t even want to go to sleep, knowing that she won’t find him there ever again, all because she asked him to leave.

But he wanted to leave, even before she asked him he was already getting his stuff to leave her “cheating ass”, writing words that describe their relationship as toxic. Is that what it was? Were they toxic or just scared? She couldn’t tell the difference anymore, not after spending night after night trying to erase those words out of her mind, but they were already scared forever in her skin. She promised herself she would carry them as a battle wound, as proof that no matter what you do, you could never win when the whole world seems against you even when you have done nothing wrong… Unlike now.

She knew what she was doing, she knew she was disappointing a lot of people. She was disappointed in herself, too, but she couldn’t stop. The world was finally telling truths about her and it felt nice to at least have that. They denied her the truths for so long, feeding everyone lies that they would believe without hesitation or her explanation, just like Luke did, and now she was finally acting like people supposed she had. Now, at least she had control over that.

She wondered if Luke ever thinks about her. If he’s forgiven her for whatever he thinks she’s done or if he continues to read the articles and rejoice in the fact that he was right, even when he wasn’t, he was right. Maybe he’d be proud?

“Darling, are you alright?” She heard Bethany shout over the music. All the girls were looking at her. She didn’t realize she stopped dancing.

However, she just nodded “I’m going to get more drinks!” She said, faking a smile even though the girls could tell that she was crying. But she was so far out she couldn’t even feel the tears that rolled down her cheek.

Y/N gripped the marble countertop of the bar, trying to hold herself steady. She was thinking again, she didn’t want to think anymore. She ordered two shots of tequila and drowned them down before asking for two more. But before she could drown the fourth one, someone snatches the drink out of her hand.

“Heeey” She slurred “Don’t get between me and my- oh, hello!” She smiled happily at the stranger who took her drink from her “You look a lot like my ex-boyfriend”

Luke’s eyes widened at the word. She has never called him her boyfriend in front of people before. He glanced behind her and saw Michael, Ashton, and Calum already standing next to their girls, nodding encouragingly at him.

“Ex-boyfriend?” He asked, eyes meeting hers and noticing the glimmer of tears in them. But she kept on smiling and nodding before she started to pout.

“But shhhhh,” She said, laying her head on the counter, almost like she wanted to take a nap “It’s a secret. No one knows we’re together… or were together. They will never leave him alone if they find out”

“Who?”

Y/N looked to the sides, almost as if making sure no one was listening before she leaned into him and whispered “The media,” Then she started to giggle “If they found out I have a boyfriend then they will want to know everything about him! And poor Luke wouldn’t be able to handle that, he shouldn’t go through that”

Luke’s heart broke at the sight of the drunk girl sighing in the bar, holding her empty shot glass and sniffing every other word to stop the tears from falling.

“He doesn’t deserve that, the hate. He’s a good guy, a little shy and awkward, but he’s nice. But the media is cruel and a liar, and I don’t want him to feel baaaaad. How stupid it is that because I love someone they should get hated on, right? Hahaha, I just wanted to protect hiiiim, cause I love him sooo so much. I even protected him from my friends! You know?! I never told them what he did to me in case they wanted to keep their friendship going, Luke is a very shy guy and he loved them very muchhh, I couldn't take that from him"

“Even if he hurt you?” Luke’s words were careful and filled with pain. When the boys told him that she was getting drunk each night he never imagined her this far gone. He never imagined her this sad.

Y/N shook his head “I deserved to get, hic, hurt” She said between hiccups “He said I was a cheating whore monster liar, b-b-but I don’t blame himmmm. I’m sad but at least he doesn’t have to deal with me anymore and this BULLSHIT” She yelled, throwing her hands up to the sky. But then she started crying, sobbing as she tumbled backward before Luke caught her.

Luke was trying to contain his own tears as she sobbed into his embrace “I just want to tell him that I’m sorry I couldn’t protect him from myself” She cried “I wanted to be happy with him but we are both sad and toxic for each other. That’s what he said in his poem. I-I-I just w-want him to be ha-happy”

Luke cried as he held her, burying his face into her hair as both of their bodies trembled. Even when she had every right to hate him, she still wants to protect him. Something he should’ve done.

“I’m so sorry, my love” He cried, making Y/N look at him with worried, tearful eyes.

“Oh, don’t cry, stranger,” She said as she cupped his face and wiped his tears “I’m sad but you should be happy!”

“Why?”

“C-cause you’re not me”

Luke stared into her eyes, she was smiling while the tears kept falling. Even at her lowest, she tried to be strong for everyone around her, even the stranger she thought he was. He pressed his lips on a thin line and nodded, hugging her tighter as if he was trying to hold on to the last piece of her that didn’t show coldness to him before she remembers everything in the morning. At least he would hold her one more time.

Y/N didn’t understand much of what was happening but she returned the hug with the same energy, letting the stranger cry into her shoulder as she rubbed his back with her fingertips, wondering what Luke was doing right now. She decided that she didn’t want to know.

“I want to sleep,” She said after a minute of holding the man.

Luke pulled away from her, wiping his tears as he nodded “Then let’s get you to bed, my love”

She shook his head, pulling on his hand as he tried to walk them out of the club “But Luke won’t be there when I wake up”

All the wind was knocked out of his lungs, did she want him there? “I’ll be there,” He said.

“What?”

“He’ll be there. I promise”

Luke gave one last look at the group. They were all staring at him with worried and hopeful eyes, actually surprised that this didn’t end badly just yet. Luke nodded at them and pulled Y/N with him, the rest of the guys followed him into the car as they made their way back to the hotel.

Y/N slept all the way back, her head was placed in Luke’s shoulder as the blond kept staring at her, silent tears still dying on his cheek. The guilt was eating him alive; it was painful to see her this way, but at the same time he knew that she was at peace as she slept, letting the world fade for at least a few minutes before reality came crashing down.

When they reached the hotel, Luke carried her back into her room. He sat her down on the bed and started to take off her shoes as she lazily rubbed the tiredness from her eyes, suddenly waking up for a moment.

“Luke?” She asked. Luke raised his head and was met with her eyes already locked with his, a glaze of new tears adorned her pupils as she whispered “Am I dreaming right now?”

“No,” He answered, voice as soft as hers as he got up and placed a kiss on the top of her head “No, you’re not, darling”

“Good. I always hate to wake up without you there” She said, looking over her shoulder to the empty side where Luke used to sleep.

They both stayed quiet for the rest of the night. Luke took off her silk shirt and leather pants and helped her put on one of the big shirts she’s used to sleeping in. He wiped the makeup off her face and followed her nighttime routine without missing a step. When she was done, she curled up to her side and quickly fell into a deep slumber.

Luke stared at the girl, his heart aching for her as he saw how fragile she looked while she slept. He thought about all the things she said that night, how he never considered her side of the story before. How he just assumed that she was hiding him because she didn’t want people to find out she was taken when in reality she didn’t want people to hurt him the way they hurt her. The way he hurt her.

Tears started to pick up in his eyes again. He hated to cry but there was nothing else he could do at the moment. Everything became too much too fast and he didn’t know if he could fix it. So all he could do was cry for the girl he loves and the girl he lost, not knowing if she would ever come back to him.

“I’m sorry” He whispered in a quiet sob, getting into bed with her and holding her close “I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m sorry, my love” He kept murmuring into her hair until sleep claimed him as well.

The next morning Y/N wakes up in her hotel bed but she doesn’t know how she got there. She looks to her side but the bed is empty, yet she finds an aspirin and a bottle of water in her nightstand. She wonders who was the poor soul that had to go with her last night to make sure she doesn't end up drunk in a ditch, at least they succeeded.

Then she hears water running up in the bathroom and her heart sinks. Did she bring someone here last night? No, she wouldn’t do that. But she was very drunk… Oh my god, what did she do?

Luke could hear her shuffling in the bed as he brushed his teeth. “It is now or never,” He thought, but he didn’t know what he would find behind the door. She didn’t know him yesterday, but today was another story and Luke’s heart shrank at the thought of Y/N hating him for coming back, even if it was to apologize to her. He was terrified, but he was tired of running away.

As soon as he opened the door he was met with Y/N’s surprised gaze. The girl was quick to cover herself up, cheeks tinted red at the sight of her ex-boyfriend in her hotel room. She didn’t miss the flash of hurt that ran through his face when she did that.

“Luke…” She said in one breath, suddenly feeling self-conscious by his presence “What are you- Did we-?”

“No,” He answered quickly, stepping closer to the bed “No, we didn’t. You were drunk and I- You know I would never do that to you”

“I thought we didn’t know each other…”

Her words lingered in the air between them, creating a tension that could be cut with a knife. How fast did they become strangers when they used to know every single cardinal point of their bodies, every breath they took and what they meant, every sigh, every look… Now they were just two people in a room with so much to say but with no words coming out of either of their mouths.

Luke noticed how her eyes changed. While they were no longer filled with tears, they now laid emotionless in front of him, dull and empty as she stared at him.

“I did this to her,” He thought “I took the light of her eyes. It’s my fault”

She cleared her throat, breaking the silence as she spoke “Well, thank you for bringing me here last night. You can go now” She said, tearing her eyes away from him as she sat on her edge of the bed.

Luke stood still “No,”

“I’m asking you to leave” Y/N clarified, her voice growing stronger but still a bit sore.

“And I’m telling you I’m not going” He responded, taking tentative steps towards her “Something I should’ve done all those weeks ago”

He was standing in front of her in a matter of seconds; he crouched to meet her eyes but she quickly turned her face away “Y/N, please” He begged, his hand coming to rest on her cheek as his knuckles caressed her skin while the other one was placed on top of her hands, both intertwined with each other on top of her thighs “You could look at me yesterday, please don’t deny me at least that. Let me see you, my love”

But Y/N didn’t move, her face stayed turned to the side with her hair covering most of it. She couldn’t look at him, she just couldn’t. It was too hard, too painful. Luke sighed.

“Okay, it’s okay. You don’t have to, but at least listen to me, yeah? I just- I need you to listen, Y/N, please” He pleaded, placing both hands on top of hers “Y/N, I love you”

The knot in his throat became tighter as he noticed how the veins of her neck tensed and she started to grip her hands tighter. But she needed to hear this, and even though it hurt to see her like that, he continued.

“I love you. I love you. I love you” He said, voice breaking at the end, impossible to fight that choking feeling in his throat “I loved you since the moment I saw you. You were all dressed up in Calum‘s clothes and you had a pen in your hair, and I thought you were the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, but you were so nervous about trying to clean the coffee you spilled that you didn’t even notice I fell for you without knowing your name” He let out a tearful chuckle “I started to fall that day and I haven’t stopped, not even for a second. Y/N you are- You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I was an idiot for not seeing that. I don’t know what I have to do for you to forgive me, but I’ll do anything, my love. Anything to make it better. Cause I followed you blindly from the start, and I’m so sorry I let you down. I’m so, so fucking sorry that I let my insecurities come in our way. I love you, even then I never stopped loving you”

He could see how her chin started to tremble, she was trying to hold off the tears as much as him “I - I wish I could go back in time. I would’ve never said the things I said, I would’ve never doubted you or left without listening to what you had to say. I should’ve fought harder for you, but I was a coward. I still am, if I’m being honest, but I will not run away, Y/N. Not anymore. I know I will never deserve you, but I’ll do my best and try. Because you, my love, are the love of my life, the greatest love I have and - and I can’t -“

It became too much for him. He couldn’t say anything else without breaking down. But he wanted her to know how much she meant for him, how much he is willing to fight for her if she lets him. She needed to know how sorry he was and how much he still loves her. But the words got stuck in his throat. The poet was left speechless.

“Y/N you are so strong,” He finally said “So strong, my love. And I’m so fucking proud of everything you do, I always have and always will be” He brought her hands to his lips and started pressing kisses all over it while wetting them with his tears “I wish I could take back everything I said. All those words were said out of anger and jealousy, that is not how I see you at all. You are so beautiful, Y/N, inside and out. So kind, so smart, so giving… You are perfect. And I love you, I love you, I love yo-”

Suddenly his words were interrupted by her lips as she started kissing him. Y/N didn’t want to keep listening anymore so she did the only thing he could, the thing she wanted to do the most since she saw him come out of the bathroom.

Their hands flew to cup each other’s cheeks, keeping their faces as close as they could, feeling how their tears became one as they started to deepen the kiss. They rocked back and forward with the intensity of their energies colliding once again, it was everything they needed and more. Suddenly, Luke got up from the floor and brought Y/N along with her, pressing her against the wall as their lips never left each other.

“I love you” He breathed into her lips before kissing her again and again and again, already getting lost in the feeling of euphoria she brought to him “I love you”

She kept crying as their lips met, savoring every word, every praise that came from his mouth, trying hard to hold on to them as she felt her breath become short “I missed you” She cried into the kiss, pulling away to see his face.

Luke’s eyes were blown wide as he stared at her, their lips were pink as they tried to catch their breaths. He knocked his forehead against hers before kissing it lightly “Please, forgive me” He begged, holding her tight against his chest.

“Luke,” She whispered as she tugged on his shirt, making him look back at her “Kiss me”

He looked at her softly, his baby blue eyes saying more than he ever could as he caressed her cheek one more time before leaning down and trapping her lips with his. He had no rush because there was no other place he’d rather be, no other person he’d rather spend time with. Only her. Only his Y/N.

Her hands traveled tentatively under his shirt, softly caressing the skin of his back and his stomach as she parted her lips to grant him more access and control. Luke’s hand that was not cupping her cheek rounded around her waist, bringing her body closer to him with the need of feeling her, all of her.

“Y/N…” He groaned, tilting his head back when he felt her kiss along his jaw and neck.

“Please…” She murmured against his skin, sucking and kissing on the spot that she knew would make him shiver.

Luke pressed her against the wall with his body completely covering hers. He grabbed the back of her thighs and lifted her feet from the ground as she locked her legs around his waist. “Please,” She begged again, closing her lips around the shell of his ear and slightly biting into it. She could feel him getting hard as her hips moved forward, her core pressing against his hardening cock. She moaned softly into his ear “Please, Luke. Please”

The movement of her hips was all Luke needed to lose himself to her, thrusting right back at her and moaning at the friction of her soaked panties against his clothed erection. Her sound became more breathy and he knew she was getting close just by the friction alone, having spent too much time without this feeling.

“Y/N…” Luke groaned into her after a particularly hard trust “I-”

“I know” She breathed “I need it too,”

Without a second thought, Luke turned both of them around, still holding Y/N by the back of her thighs as he placed them back into the bed. Now it was his turn to kiss along her face, her lips, her neck… everywhere she would give him access to and would leave her breathing his name. His hands fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, taking it off completely in one swift move and occupying his hands by touching her breasts, massaging them softly as his lips closed against one of her nipples, tongue circling around the hard pebble until they were nice, erect and wet from his kiss only to do it again with the other one.

Y/N was a whimpering mess under him, her fingers tangling in his hair as he sucked on her sweet spot, kissing down her body until his lips found her wet panties. He kissed over her clothes bundle of nerves, making her moan and begged for more as he swiftly hooked his long fingers at either side of her hips and pulled them down, kissing along her thighs up and down and up again only to finish tongue deep into her hole, lapping at her arousal and moaning against her at the taste of her. He always found her exquisite.

Stars were playing behind her eyelids as she felt one finger inside her while Luke’s lips closed against her clit, sucking it lightly as he inserted another finger per her request, thrusting then inside and out as she chanted his name like a prayer when her walls clenched against them.

Luke licked her clean as her fingers played with his hair, relishing this intimate moment as a precious memory for the future. When he pushed himself up he noticed that there were a new set of tears rolling down her cheeks “Are you okay, love?” He asked, “Did I hurt you?”

She shook his head, looking up at him with teary eyes “I love you”

His eyes soften at her words, hands caressing the side of her face as he leaned in without thinking, kissing her tears away with such care, never wanting to see them again.

“Luke…” She whispered, kissing his chin “Luke, make love to me”

Blue eyes met Y/E/C, sharing all the love he had in them before leaning down again to trap her lips with his; tongues dancing together like it was the first time all over again where no other words were needed.

Y/N helped him out of his shirt and shorts, pumping his cock in her hands as he moaned in her ear how good it felt before lining it up with her entrance, quiet gasps leaving each other’s mouths as they felt the familiar stretch when he bottomed out.

Soft words and kisses were shared as Luke’s thrusts were slow and steady. It was silent, needy, passionate; it was everything they needed and more. Their hands explored the familiarity of their bodies, leaving faint marks as they enjoyed their shared pleasure.

“Please,” She begged against his lips, moaning as Luke started hitting her spot “Please, please, please, plea-”

Her orgasm came over her like a wave and Luke was entranced with her face as it contorted in extasis, helping him reach his climax as he cum inside her, painting her walls as his thrusts became sloppy.

They stayed like that for a while, kissing on top of each other as their bodies stayed connected in the most intimate way. But soon Luke had to get up, getting a wet cloth from the bathroom and cleaning her up, whispering sweet nothings to her as he did so.

He climbed into the bed next to her, pulling her closer against his chest as his back rested against the headboard, drawing circles in the soft spot of her back and resting his chin on the top of her head.

They must’ve fallen asleep after a while because when he opened his eyes again he felt Y/N crying into his chest.

“My love?” He asked, worry lacing his voice as he accommodated himself better so he could see her face. Y/N eyes were puffy and filled with tears as she struggled to contain a sob “What’s wrong?”

Y/N sniffed, voice breaking as she asked “You love me?”

Luke furrowed his eyebrows in confusion “What a stupid question,” He said as he started playing with your hair “Of course I love you”

“But what else?”

Her question confused him, even more, when he saw pure heartbreak spread along her face.

“What else what?”

“You love me and what else?” She repeated her question.

“What else is there?”

Luke’s answer made her lips tremble as a new set of tears filled her eyes. His heart fell to his stomach with her reaction, not knowing what he did to make her this upset “Baby, what’s wrong? Is love not enough?”

Y/N shook her head as she took a deep breath, trying to find enough voice and courage to say what she needed.

“I’m not perfect, Luke”

“I know,” He said, bringing his fingers to caress your cheek but you shook your head.

“No, you don’t know” She stated, tears rolling down her cheek “You still see me as something out of your reach, as something you don’t deserve because you hold me to such standards that is impossible for me to live up to your expectations. I will let you down, even without wanting to, I will. And- a-and I don’t think I’ll be able to stand that look in your eyes once I do. I can’t go through that again”

She cried softly for a while, trying to find the right words to say.

“Luke, I need you to listen to me very carefully and really think about what I’m asking for here, okay, love?” She said after collecting herself just enough. He nodded as he gave her his undivided attention “Luke, I love you. More than anyone in the world, I love you. I thought I would never say those words again but I can’t deny my feelings for you nor do I want to. I love you. But I also love my life”

Luke’s eyes were fixed on her as she spoke, nodding along to what she was saying. She took another deep breath before continuing.

“A life that is filled with concerts, traveling and recordings and parties and interviews… A life that I chose to follow my dreams and make them come true. A life I am not going to give up because it’s mine and I truly love it. But in this life, there are some bumps in the road. There will always be people trying to bring me down, sending hate to me and the ones I love, spreading rumors all around where sometimes you won’t be able to distinguish fiction from reality. With people trying to get to me, by flirting or abusing their power with threats. But I keep going, I deal with all of that because that’s just the way it is. I will go to an interview that might get twisted, I might go and get flirted on by a random stranger that works for publicity. I might have rumors of me dating people I haven’t even met! All of that without my consent or knowledge. But I agreed to this when I agreed to follow my dreams and I can’t help it when it happens and most of the time I can’t say anything about it even if it hurts.

And when that happens I need to know that you will trust me. Because I cannot possibly ask you to leave your dreams to follow mine, meaning that we won’t be together all the time like we’re used to. And I need to know that you will trust me when I’m away from you”

Luke stayed quiet, his mind running a thousand miles per hour at her words. Could he trust her? When they were together on tour, and even at home in L.A, the rumors about Y/N were strong, so much so that he didn’t know if they were true or not. And even though he knew her, he still wasn’t sure. He doubted her, more times than not he did which ended up in him losing her until last night. He trusted her now, but…

“I don’t know,” He answered honestly, feeling like the weight of his shoulders was being lifted as he spoke “I don’t trust my mind, not when it’s about you. Not really. I trust you here, right now but I can’t promise that my insecurities won’t get in the way, changing that for the future. But I can try, I’ll do my best-”

“What if your best is not enough, Luke?” She asked, sucking the air out of both of them.

“What?” He asked in return, voice small and soft.

She sighed, blinking through the tears “What if- What if it’s not enough? You love me, but you don’t trust me. I love you, but I’m scared you’re going to run away every time you hear something about me that could tint the image of me you have in your mind. I’m scared of that Y/N because I’m not her and I might never be able to compete with her. I wish I could tell you that everything will change for the better, that love will be enough. But if we can’t see a future now…”

“There might not be a future at all” Luke finished for her.

The truth hurt more than they could ever have imagined, but it was still the truth. Without trust, there is no love that could endure the passings of times, but they could try, couldn’t they?

“What now?” He asked after a moment of silence.

“Hold me?”

Luke opened his arms and Y/N nested into them, setting her head upon his chest and letting his heartbeat be the melody of her heartbreak. “I love you” She whispered into his skin.

“I love you, too”

“I might never stop loving you”

“You don’t have to”

She sighed “I know, that’s what scares me”

Luke nodded, even though she couldn't see him. He let his fingertips trace up and down her arms and back, serving as the only comfort he could give right now.

“Stay with me tonight?” She asked, tilting her head so she could look him in the eyes “Just one night the two of us where we can leave the world behind. Just us and for tonight that’s enough”

He smiled sadly “Morning will come eventually”

“And what will happen to us in the morning?”

Luke let out a sad sigh “I don’t know”

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