#i changed patience's design cause i didnt like it

[toffeesbabbles]

okay okay jokes aside imagining Epic reading bedtime stories and doing other things with the kids is cute

[live-love-laugh-lesbian]

helloooo how are youuu!!

omg so real with rainbow dash and aj?? i saw this poll and she was the least liked and i was appalled how can someone NOT like applejack???????

im sure your gift receiver will love theirs!!

i mainly drink coffee for the caffeine andnrnsnf but i like the flavour too! id much rather drink a coffee with good flavour and not as much caffeine rather than one woth bad flavour but pure caffeine yk?

and fun fact!!! electric violins are a thing (but maybe you already knew that and i misunderstood?) theyre really cool sounding anything electric sounds awesome to me tho so maybe im biased akfjjrsjfj

okay three careers: id be a games designer, animator and an author! i want to pursue all of those in my one life but that seems unrealistic ajdjrjsjf i really wish i did have three lives to pursue each of them!! and your careers seem so cool!! my mums a teacher and she respects the ta's that help special needs kids so much!! and honestly i do too!! ooh medicine!! medicine was fascinating to me as a child i always either wanted to be a fashion designer or work in the medicine industry!! and we are SOOO twins with animating ajdjejsjf i love art and also yours is sooo good omg your velvette art>>>>>>>>>> akkdjejsd

for me!! dogss but im biased bc a) my mum had three dogs and my aunt has dogs and dogs in family so im used to being around them <3 and b) a dog didnt try to kill me!! (i will not elaborate ajdjrjsjfn) and omg your cats sound sooo cutee and i love how so many cat owners i know are like 'yeah shes unhelpful but shes cute!!' because honestly thats so valid ajdjrnsjfjr

oh yeah i totally get warm colours sorta stuff! my fav colours are either grey or lilac ajdjrjsjd so aksjdjsjd

hmm see this is hard because id love to control fire just bc itd look cool ajdjrjsjfj but also i think mainly air? bc if i hate someone i can just mess their hair up /j ksjdjejsjd but i think airs cool! but also lile fire because it looks cool but im biased bc im a fire sign so i think im supposed to be loyal to fire ajdjrnsnf but if i had to choose one, probably air! what about you?

and my question to you: what is the best compliment youve ever gotten and whats your fav way to spend a day off?

byeee!!!! this is so long sorry ajfjrndnf

-swiftie spring exchange anon

So first you don't need to apologise for length!! I love long messages XD

I think people like her the least because she's like..."normal"? She doesn't necessarily stand out as much as the others do, and I get the impression that makes people pay less attention to her :( But she's lovely!! She's a loyal friend, hardworking, and I love her family relationships too!! I'm super close to my siblings and love seeing those bonds in media XD

That makes sense!! I imagine coffee is like tea, wherein some is just like...a better taste. Okay sure I only do herbal tea, but some herbal teas are better than others XD

I did not know electric violins were a thing!! Worldview changing news right there. (sincere in a mildly hyperbolic way) I need to know what other electric instruments exist now however...I want an electric saxophone. Do those exist? I need to find out. (Okay turns out YES oh my god I love it. Some of them feel faintly cursed but that's ok I love a cursed instrument.)

It's cool how much we have in common X'D If you wanna keep talking post exchange I'd be up for that! Tbh at one point I too wanted to be a games designer...I tried to make a visual novel once. I did not have the patience for it. (It's funny cause my job requires a lot of patience, but then often I do not have patience?? I joke that my job uses up my patience but tbh I think it's just a different type of patience. Explaining concepts to a child repeatedly feels different from learning to code or play an instrument. I imagine there's many people who have the patience for the latter who would not for the former.)

I ALSO at one point wanted to go into fashion design - specifically, wedding dress designs!! I basically went from STEM careers to art careers then settled in education XD If I could do all three I would. But for now I'm satisfied with art as a hobby and education as a job. My mum also works with kids, but like, early years so before school aged XD I guess I sort of take after her in that regard.

Re: dogs and cats! My uncles both have dogs XD I think I'm kinda wary of dogs because I know many poorly trained dogs. But then like...one of my uncles has the most chill dog ever? Kinda a dumb dog too. They got burgled once and on camera they found that the dog had been awake and the burglar just stepped over the dog. She's just a very docile dog that doesn't feel a need to get worked up over things XD

I am very sorry about the cat trying to kill you tho!! Some cats can be vicious, to be fair. My two are very sweet thankfully - a black and white one who is 5 in October, and a tabby who turns 2 in May! The older one is generally more chill, she just likes to sleep and cuddle and judge others. And then the younger one wants to run around and cause trouble (nothing major, to be fair, worst she does is steal my post) and play all the time lol. She also wants to cuddle a lot, but she finds it hard to sit still long enough.

Fun fact I am making a pair of lilac trousers atm XD They're corduroy and I'm gonna add sequined hearts on afterwards.

Ooh which fire sign? I'm a scorpio XD I'd probably go for water. As a kid I wanted to do earth because I was a fan of Toph from ATLA, but I think I'd find water easier...am I looking at ATLA to decide? Yes. Yes I am. But yeah I think water! Also if I could control water I could swim maybe...

My favourite way to spend a day off is basically art, time with my sister (and friends, but usually I have to text because we live a few hours apart), and then a date with my gf. I like a bit of gaming too (found out Stardew Valley updated so been on that today after I finished work). It's also less energy consuming, so it's nice to use light gaming as a break inbetween art stuff. Providing it's single player games. I am extremely competitive when it's multiplayer, woops. My family and I once ended up contacting a monopoly helpline because my uncle and I got into such a debate over one of the rules lol. And as for compliment...not really sure? Sometimes I have people ask me where I got my clothes, or ask if I got them from specific brands, and that feels like a compliment because it means I made something that looks at least vaguely professional XD Honestly compliments on my art always make me happy. Oh, and compliments professionally - whenever a child or parent has positive things to say about me I'm like :D. I think I just like to know that others appreciate the things I can do? What about you??

My turn for a question...do you have a "bucket list" of sorts? Like are there any things you wanna do in life in particular? And do you think you'll get those things done?

[oikawaplssteponme]

PART 3 | previously: part 2 | masterlist

pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x fem! reader

ratings/warnings: swearing, fighting

synopsis: When UA’s hot heads, Katsuki Bakugou and you, are forced to put your hatred for each other aside and plan the third year Prom, things end up getting a little heated...

a/n: hello friends, i hope you all are doing well<3 taglist is open so just lmk if you’d like to be added :)) enjoy xx

•

three: sorry

You sat through the rest of class, watching your classmates battle each other. You wrapped up the cut on your arm and you were good to go. When the school day was finally finished, you headed back to your dorm and changed out of your uniform and into something more comfortable. You began to head down to the basement when you came across Todoroki.

“Hey Shoto, sorry about that,” you said nervously, pointing to the bandaid on his cheek.

“Don’t worry about it. You put up a good fight and looks like I got you too ,” he replied.

“Barely. You better beat me next time,” you smiled. He nodded.

“Don’t worry, I will.” You and Shoto parted your ways and you went down to the basement. The door was propped open. Bakugou was flipping through the folder that Aizawa had given you both.

“Hey…” you said. He didn’t look at you.

“So uh, how should we split up the work?” You asked. He still ignored you. Getting annoyed at this point, you snatched the folder from him.

“HEY-“

“Listen, you were the one who said you wanted to split up the work for this fucking dance so we have to talk in order to have that happen. What’s going on? You seem more pissed off than usual,” you complained. Bakugou looked at you, gritting his teeth.

“I’m fine dumbass. Just tired,” he mumbled.

“Sure you are.” You grabbed a stool and sat next to Bakugou. He rolled his eyes.

“Well damn you don’t need to be that close to me,” he said. You sighed, losing your patience.

“Bakugou, we both need to take a look at the papers. If I could I would be on the other side of the world to stay away from you.”

“Whatever.”

You looked down at the list of everything that needed to get done.

“Okay so for starters we should order the stuff that will take longer to get here. That would probably be decorations and stuff like that,” you said.

“We’d need to pick a theme before we order decorations,” replied Bakugou.

“Oh true. Okay um, any ideas?” You asked. Bakugou got up, walked over to a box, and pulled out 3 magazines. He sat back down.

“The theme packs that are crossed out are ones that have already been used. The themes circled are the ones within our budget. And the ones with check marks are the themes that we could get but we would have to cut back on other stuff to pay for it,” explained Bakugou. Your eyes widened.

“Did you organize this?”

“Yeah. I did it after class.”

“Woah…”

“ITS NOT A BIG DEAL I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE WE DONT MAKE FOOLS OF OURSLEVES PLANING THIS DUMB DANCE!”

“Okay okay. I just didn’t think you cared.”

“I can not care and still want to do it right. Remember if we do a shit job Aizawa’s gonna fail us or something.”

I forgot about that part.

“Okay well which of them do you like best?” You asked. Bakugou opened up the second catalog and turned a few pages. He pointed to a theme.

“This ones okay...I guess,” he whispered. You peered over at the theme, a smile creeping onto your face.

“I like that one too,” you said. Bakugou looked at you.

“Really?”

“Yeah, and its within our budget, so I think it’s a good choice.”

Bakugou cleared his throat.

“Cool um, I’ll grab a laptop so we can place the order.” Bakugou got up abruptly and walked upstairs.

Is he always in a hurry?

~

As you waited for Bakugou to get back, you began compiling a list of the work you would need to do. You decided to take more of the creative lead and began putting together a design for the tickets. You wanted it to match the theme that you and Bakugou had chosen.

“You can draw?” said Bakugou, peaking over your shoulder. You jumped.

“Jesus shithead you can’t just scare me like that,” you said, hitting his arm. Bakugou rolled his eyes.

“I thought you were only good at one thing,” he muttered. You turned to look at him.

“And what might that one thing be?”

“Combat.”

“So you admit I’m a good fighter.” Bakugou got flustered.

“NO I'M JUST SAYING YOU DON'T TOTALLY SUCK ASS,” he replied, “I’m still better though.”

“Well I hate to break it to you Bakugou but I’m a girl of many talents. So yes I can draw. Can’t you cook or something?”

Bakugou’s eyes widened.

“How’d you know that?”

“I remember from the training camp. You helped cook almost every meal,” you explained.

“Can we not talk about the camp,” he whispered. Your chest got heavy.

“Shit um I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s fine just drop it,” he said firmly. You nodded.

“Um, did you place the order?” You asked quietly.

“What does it look like I’m doing,” huffed Bakugou.

“Yeah sorry.”

“Why do you apologize so damn much?”

“I-I uh, sorry, wait no-” you stuttered out. Bakugou continued typing.

“You should save sorry’s for when they actually matter,” he muttered. You tilted your head.

“So they don’t always matter?”

“Well if you say the word so damn much it just becomes another useless word. Then when you actually mean it, it’s pointless,” he explained. You never really thought about it like that.

“I guess you’re right. Then I’m totally not sorry,” you joked. Bakugou let out a small chuckle.

“Okay nerd, keep drawing your stupid ticket.”

“ITS NOT STUPID!”

~

You and Bakugou worked in silence for the rest of the time you spent in the basement. You checked the time.

“We’ve been down here for like 2 hours. I feel like that’s enough for today,” you said. Bakugou looked up from his laptop.

“Uh yeah. Just let me place this last order,” he said. You nodded and began to pack up your stuff.

“Do you have the keys?” You asked. Bakugou nodded and fished the keys out of his pocket. Bakugou grabbed his things.

“Let’s go dumbass,” he said. You sighed and trailed behind him as you walked up the stairs.

The two of you went back to the dorms and saw your friends socializing in the common area.

“There you two are! We lost you after class,” said Mina, waving the two of you over.

“Yeah well party planning awaits. It’s a lot of work for just two people,” you explained, taking a seat.

“Damn right it is,” mumbled Bakugou.

“How’s the planning going?” asked Kirishima. You looked at Bakugou and smiled.

“Bakugou is having so much fun planning. He even picked the theme for the dance,” you said.

“SHUT UP-”

“Wait what’s the theme?” asked Mina excitedly.

“It’s a surprise,” you insisted.

“Just to clarify, Y/N is just shit at planning so I’m having to do more work,” chimed in Bakugou.

“I KNOW YOU DIDNT JUST-” You stood up but before you could go over to him, Iida had grabbed your arm, stopping you from going any farther. You huffed.

“Anyway, how’s your side Deku?” You asked. Deku had a bandage around his stomach, most likely from your doing earlier during training.

“Oh I’m all good! Recovery Girl definitely knows what she’s doing,” he smiled nervously.

“Yeah well I’m sor-, I mean uh, I hope you feel better anyway,” you replied, “you got me pretty good too Deku, so I guess we’re even,” you joked. You lifted up part of your shirt to show the bruise that Izuku had given you from his punch from earlier.

“OH MY GOSH Y/N I‘M SO SORRY!” panicked Izuku. You laughed.

“Don’t worry about it. Makes me look like a total badass,” you smiled.

“Sure it does,” mumbled Bakugou. You gave him the side eye.

“What the hell is your problem today?” You asked, crossing your arms. Bakugou stayed silent.

“God you are such a piece of shit,” you huffed. Bakugou stood up and walked over to you. He gripped the collar of your shirt, pulling you towards him.

“SHUT UP YOU IDIOT!”

Your blood began to boil. You kicked Bakugou in the stomach to get him to let go but his grip was so tight on you that he ripped the collar of your shirt, causing the two of you to fall to the ground. You pinned his hands down.

“TELL ME TO SHUT UP ONE MORE DAMN TIME KATSUKI! I FUCKING DARE YOU!”

“Stop this at once!” ordered Iida but neither of you listened. Bakugou flipped you onto your back, almost knocking the wind out of you. He then pinned you down as well. Bakugou leaned in to look you dead in the eyes.

“Shut. Up.”

That was it. That was all you needed to be pushed over the edge. You were pissed. Words couldn’t describe your hatred for Katsuki Bakugou.

“THAT'S IT!” Before you even realized it, you were already generating a small bond to hit Bakugou with.

“Y/N NO!” yelled Deku. Just as you were about to throw it at him, Kirishima had grabbed Bakugou off of you and Deku had pulled you towards him.

“BOTH OF YOU! THIS HAS TO STOP!” Shouted Iida. Your breath was heavy as you looked at Bakugou. Kirishima had let go of him but Deku still had his grip on you.

“LET ME AT HIM! I AM SO SICK OF YOU KATSUKI!” You yelled, beginning to struggle from Deku’s arms.

“Fuck off princess. I’m going to bed,” said Bakugou, turning around and leaving.

“YOU OWE ME A NEW DAMN SHIRT!” You shouted at him but he didn’t turn to look at you.

“And here I thought the two of you were finally getting along…” mumbled Iida.

I thought so too.

•

[taglist OPEN: @vangoghpoets @vangoghmusings @bokutory @complimentaryhugsgirl @cloudswritings @kriswu46 @neodnyl @evivn1 @jazzylove @mileven-reddie @whalerus @misssugarless @random-fandom-girl-24 @fanfiction-and-stress @ushiwakatrash @minhoswife @addictofsupernatural @the-shota-king-masayuki ]

[dandyuism]

190701 Dandyu @ PUBG Idol Super League  Live stream fanaccounts

Sunny asked Taeyeon what shes been doing these days, Taeyeon said she dyed her hair and filmed abroad for begin again, Sunny said shes been filming for a cooking broadcast

taeng: whats your main gun?

sunny: where can i see that, im just using what i got?

 taeng: yeah, but dont you have a favorite gun?

sunny: where can i see that?

Taeyeon also said its the first time doing something w a member in a long time. Sunny asked Taeyeon what she’s been up to lately before they started Taeyeon hit her head and said she dyed her hair lately LOL And went overseas and Sunny said she’s looking forward to the broadcast. Taeyeon also asked Sunny, and Sunny said she’s been doing a cooking program And Taeyeon said - the one that needs voting right?

Taeyeon & Sunny both saying they’re not so good at the game Sunny just said she needs Taeyeon to grab her by the collar and hard carry her . Sunny asked people to cheer for them (in the comments) and Taeyeon joked that should they shout? XD In the end the staff shouted and cheered for them . Sunny asked Taeyeon to invite her to jump off together from the plane .  Lmao two of them are so cute giggling at everything and even the chinese translations of what they’re saying.  Sunny asked Taeng whats the plan and Taeng said just to follow her But Sunny said Taeyeon didnt have any plans and separated . Taeyeon saved Sunny but Sunny died again. Sunny saying stuff like it's just the first game She has to get used to the phone Taeyeon said yup since they're not using their own phones.  Sunny said she really can't play, but its okay cause Taeyeon can grab her by the collar and hard carry her. Taeyeon telling Sunny to run towards the house And Sunny said she's good at running.  Taeyeon telling Sunny to pick up a particular gun, but Sunny said she's just picking up whatever she sees And she doesnt see the gun Taeyeon tells her to pick up.  Taeyeon telling Sunny to pick up a particular gun, but Sunny said she's just picking up whatever she sees And she doesnt see the gun Taeyeon tells her to pick up. Taeyeon got shot to low health and Sunny found her and saved her.  Taeyeon was trying to kill someone but she got shot instead and shouted to Sunny to save her.  Sunny told Taeyeon to kill the person before saving her But they both got killed Taeyeon said her phone isn't letting her shoot and there's some issue. Taeyeon's saying her phone is lagging, the audio is also laggy And complains whose phone is it, then Sunny said it's not hers. Taeyeon wants to get 1st place, so Sunny said they should just find a quiet place to hide and pick up items Sunny said she doesnt really know how to fly/pick locations, so she just follows Taeyeon Sunny would stay in the plane a long time, but Taeyeon jumps asap cause Taeyeon says there's no time.  Sunny said Taeyeon jumps fast and dies fast, whereas she jumps slow but dies fast. Sunny teased Taeyeon for running into the houses that she already did - no items for her to pick up. Sunny wants to stay and wait, but Taeyeon says there's no time and says they should rush out asap lol Sunny says this friend is so rushed/has no patience.  Sunny wants to stay and wait, but Taeyeon says there's no time and says they should rush out asap lol Sunny says this friend is so rushed/has no patience. Taeyeon said she thought Sunny was very good at PUBG (not sure if computer or phone -didnt hear) But Sunny said her friend plays well not her. Sunny said she cant drive LOL So Taeyeon will be driving her instead. Taeyeon killed another person and Sunny said Taeyeon is hard carrying them. Sunny was wondering why her kill count didnt increase then found out that Taeyeon killed the person instead of her lol. Sunny telling Taeyeon to just die and not faint so she wont have to save her hahahah Taeyeon's telling Sunny to be a backup and watch out for her. Taeyeon is putting on her earphones now and told Sunny to do commentary.  Sunny's telling Taeyeon she already killed 6 people so she can hide somewhere and survive to win, and she wont be scolded Said she doesnt understand the game much, but she just knows in survival games she should just hide. Sunny's cheering everytime the player count decreases by one Said theres 6 left and Taeyeon said one of them is herself.  Sunny is good at spotting the person and telling Taeyeon what to do haha She told Taeyeon where the person sniping her was and when they crouched and stood up.  When Taeyeon was trying to snipe the person, Sunny told Taeng she was being shot too and to get down and hide first . Taeyeon went to swim and Sunny said she hates it. Taeyeon got her 3rd kill and Sunny said she did well haha.  Sunny said today’s MVP is Taeyeon and asked her to comment why we lost Taeyeon said she’s not used to the equipment (the phone that’s not theirs lol). Then they said its okay cause its still their first episode They’re going to have to receive their punishment now Cause they didn’t win.  Taeyeon picked the 3rd punishment and said there shouldn’t be any sequence The punishment is to carry one another not their backs for 10 seconds Sunny said Taeyeon will die. Taeyeon said she does exercise too and that they aren’t paper humans anymore. The punishment Sunny chose is to sing(?) And Sunny suggested to swap their punishments cause she wants to hear Taeyeon singing. Taeyeon sung ‘Four Seasons’ 사계 and Sunny heard it as 사랑 (love) and thought Taeyeon was confessing suddenly and joked maybe thats what she wanted to hear LOL. They decide to post up the punishments afterwards The back carrying as a photo and the singing later too. Sunny’s question is What does she do when she’s bored? What’s delicious lately? Sunny said she likes lying at home w her cats and watching TV. Taeyeon asks Sunny if she just sleeps like that for 10 years. Someone asks Taeyeon if she knows what mala tang is now She doesn’t know and asked Sunny Sunny told her its spicy and said that she ate it Taeyeon said that Sunny can’t eat spicy well so she’s surprised. Sunny asked if Sogeum and Pepper are getting along well And Sunny said no Taeyeon laughed LOL Sunny said slowly Sogeum is slowly accepting Pepper Sunny said Pepper likes Sogeum a lot and always chases it. Taeyeon said that Pepper must be cute and Sunny said yup. Taeyeon’s question is if she knows how many nicknames she has in Chinese Sunny took the iPad showing Taeyeon’s stream to see. Sunny said she knows one cheeseburger recipe And Taeyeon teased her saying you just need to stack the ingredients and how easy it is And Sunny said she really wants to share it, but its the last(?) episode of her show, and Taeyeon accused her of trying to promote her show. Sunny said thats not the case and that Taeyeon will definitely not be able to do it when she sees it Taeyeon said that she will. Sunny says that there’s always something on Taeyeon’s hair, cause Taeyeon was brushing it and found something. Sunny’s question is what’s her most memorable 20s memory Sunny said they’re all SNSD memories, but she can’t even remember what happened yesterday Taeyeon tested her asking if she remembers how many rounds of games they played together.  Sunny said something about her lifestyle and life goals changed and all Sunny then asked Taeyeon hat her most memorable memory is Taeyeon said 20s every moment lol Sunny said they’re grandmas that can’t remember. Taeyeon said they gave all their youth to SM Said that theres a lot of memories with fans and members. Sunny talking about how there’s snow festivals and all - Ha Er Bin but Taeyeon said she’s very scared of cold, and Sunny said thats why she should go, Taeyeon joked that she should go and just die? Sunny said she should go and overcome it. Sunny’s question is if she wants to get more pets after Sogeum and Pepper And Sunny says she doesn’t have any plans after this, and Taeyeon said 2 is hard enough. Sunny said that her drinking tolerance has dropped a lot lately and Taeyeon kept saying that she’s lying and tickled Sunny’s chin and kept saying she’s lying XD. Taeyeon’s telling Sunny to face her polaroid elsewhere so the flash won’t overlap and Sunny says she doesn’t want to XD So Taeyeon said for Sunny to take first before she takes. Taeyeon said that she’d order her polaroid by pointing her fingers (1, 2, 3, 4) Then Sunny said what about the person that receives the person who receives her pointing 4 fingers XD And Taeyeon did the “4 dollars” imitation thats famous in Korea now apparently. Taeyeon’s struggling about wondering how to point 4 fingers hahaha Then Sunny offered to help Taeyeon take a photo And Taeyeon said ‘we’re so dumb’ and Sunny said ‘what do you mean ‘we’??’ Then Taeng said just me just me. Sunny was taking photo for Taeng and Taeng told her not to take one so close up and pushed her away. Sunny suggested a hand pose for Taeyeon for #7 and Taeyeon said “As expected she’s an idol, as expected” XD Sunny said its so hard to do a broadcast - having to think of poses for Taeyeon LOL. Taeyeon said that its really been a long time since they did such a broadcast.

Taeng: (about her hair) How is it? What’s pretty? Is it pretty? 

Sunny: Like a fairy. 

Taeyeon: Is there any soul?? No??? (meaning Sunny isn’t saying that with any sincerity)                                                

Sunny said that she was worse at gaming than she worried about Said that she should go home and practice, but she won’t improve even if she did practice Taeyeon said that means she and the game just doesn’t match.   Taeyeon saw Sunny’s design and shouted “pretty!” a few times, and said she should copy Sunny’s design Sunny kept designing and Taeyeon said that she doesn’t have the time to design it so much as they only have 2 minutes left.  Taeyeon said that their personalities show each of their designs.  Sunny saw that Taeyeon signed in purple and said ‘as expected'. Taeyeon took a keychain and said that its pretty, and Sunny told her not to waste time appreciating it but sign instead But when Sunny saw the keychain she said its pretty too. Taeyeon liked the smell of shirt(?) and kept smelling it And asked don’t others have moments like these? And Sunny said no hahaha. The staff gave them presents though they didn’t eat chicken (win) since its the first broadcast Sunny gave the gift to Taeyeon since she did well Taeyeon said she’ll open it at home. Taeyeon said that though today was quite a pity, they’d practice more at home so that they can showcase more exciting stuff for the fans Sunny said that 2nd place is already very good. They’re wondering about what to say at the end, and Taeyeon said its sleeping time now And said that “Even though its not time to sleep yet, go to sleep! Since there’s tomorrow too!” And made their ending comment ‘sleep well~'.  Taeyeon was imitating a flight stewardess announcement since Sunny was following her on the plane And they laughed when the translator even translated that, and Sunny apologised that she has to translate their jokes.

cr. suitaes, jasminelep

[owainigo]

I’m getting back into dishonored again so: favorite characters? Favorite levels? Low chaos vs high chaos? Stealth or aggressive? Tools or powers?

this is a good one i love love dishonored especially 2 (its the only game ive ever gotten every trophy for and it took me like 8 playthroughs so phew) but i havent played doto yet....i probably  should soon

favorite characters:

i would say my top favorite is the outsider i am very drawn to highly otherwordly/supernatural characters but like a very type that he embodies well so while a lot of other characters are also probably considered supernatural he sticks out very much to me. after him i would say emily, megan, corvo, hypatia, delilah and i would say jindosh too cause hes insufferable and stupid in a shitty twinkish way that i find amusing . i also love his character design 

on the flipside even if you didnt ask i would say least favorite are daud and the duke lol

favorite levels:

i LOOOOVED lady boyles last party and the dukes grand palace i think from each game those would be my favorite levels respectively. i also really enjoyed jindosh’s clockwork mansion i think the clockwork soliders are one of my favorite enemies out of all the games and i love how they playback recordings of jindosh which makes them a bit goofy yet theyre still creepy . delilahs final level in dh2 was also fun i loved the details like the guy trapped in the bathroom it really added a lot to the atmosphere and you could feel how desperate and scared he had been in there

low chaos vs high chaos:

i like the outcomes for characters/worlds better resulting from low chaos but also im very much bad at stealth and its hard for me to resist the urge to kill characters i dont like . while i prefer the outcomes of low chaos i think the character changes emily and corvo go through if you play high chaos are a lot more interesting and i love the difference in drawings emily makes in the first game depending on your chaos level....what really hit hard for me in the second game was having high chaos levels and choosing to keep emily/corvo in stone at the end and getting the resulting achievements “father/daughter is safe” i think it really hammers in how sympathetically twisted theyve become that they think the only way to never lose the other again is to keep them like that.. overall i think low chaos fits corvo better and high chaos fits emily better character wise though 

stealth or aggressive:

i like the feeling of successfully choking out/killing someone without getting detected but i have really low patience so usually i just run in there and cause as much destruction as possible lmao. however to get certain achievements figuring out creative ways to kill/knock out people without being seen was really fun and ideally if i had the patience all the time i would pick stealth

tools or powers:

definitely powers. nothing beats rat swarm in the history of any game ever. also as i said i love supernatural/otherworldy characters

[imagining-sio]

Red Blood & A Heart of Gold IX

Jason being a Dick Greyson

————————————————————————

“You wanna listen to me now?” he said, not bothering to look at me, he simply stared at the sky. I, however, was staring at the flaming parking garage. Where Jason’s precious motorcycle was blown sky high.

“That motorcycle meant a lot to me.” I said absentminded.

“Well I can’t lift that piece of junk and you.”

“Fuck you.” I got up.

“I’m sure you would.” he gave breathy laugh; I pushed him back down to the cement rooftop in retaliation. He got back up, chuckling to himself as he did.

“You okay?” He asked, his hand grazing over my bruised side as if it were glass.

“Stop asking me that.” I shoved his hand away.

“Never.” he muttered, but upon noticing I heard him he started backing away few steps. I knew that mannerism from somewhere, like a distant memory.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” I changed the subject, not wanting to linger on the thought.

“Black Mask put a hit out on you.”

“And you have to tell me this-“

“Well if not you would have ben blown sky high along with that shit bike.”

“Call it a shit bike one more time and I will cuff you.” I seethed.

“It was a shit bike, I never understood why you liked the damn thing so much.” He crossed his arms, taunting. It was eery hearing someone other than Todd call it a shit bike. He never was one for old fashioned things; but that bike was his first. So by proxy he had to love it.

“That’s it!” I pulled out my handcuffs from my waist band.

“Really? I just saved your life, again, and you’re gonna arrest me for dissing your blown up bike?!” He sounded like he was laughing through the sentence as I marche toward him. We swatted at each other, me trying to get a grip on him, and he simply acting like he was having the time of his life.

“Shut up before I make you!” I said to himkicking him in the thigh. He doubled over, but only to grab my leg. He yanked me until I was flush with his body. My hands came up against his pectoral armor inorder to stop myself from fully colliding into him.

“There are multiple assassin’s looking for as we speak. If you want to survive the night; you do as I say.” Hood spoke with a low tone, one sending shivers up my spine. The hand on the underside of my left thight didn’t exactly help either.

“Can you let go of me?” I said sheepishly, in an overall small voice. He dropped my leg once he realised what I meant, but his hand only moved to match his other on either side of my waist.

“I need you to trust me, (Y/N),” He spoke, his helmet offering no expression whatsoever. I sighed, nodding my head begrudgingly.

“Ok,” a puff of smoke blew in my face, causing me to back away. I grew dizzy by the second, my footing was turing to putty, as well as my vision. I felt a pair of arms pick me up, carrying me close to their chest.

“I’m sorry about this,” Hood’s voice echoed with remorse. I was gonna punch him as soon as I could get stregnth back in my limbs.

“Bastard.” I coughed hoarsly. My vision finally fading into blackness.

“Yeah, I know Darlin’. Imma bastard.” I hear a voice say softly, pulling me closer to their chest.

————————————————————————

When I woke; I felt a soft weight upon my body. I at first thought I was back in my apartment, but upon opening my eyes and finding dark cement walls and mood lighting; I knew I was assuredly not. I looked down to find dark, blood red, silk sheets, and a black comforter upon me where I slept.

I became more alarmed when I was no longer in my clothes I wore earlier that day, but only in a large red hoodie. I frantically scrambled out of the bed, wincing when my bare feet touched the ice cold floor. I hissed at the sensation, instantly moving to walk upon my tip toes to minimize the contact.

“I see you’re up.” his voice echoed. I gave a soft yelp, turning to find him in the doorway, leaning upon the frame with crossed arms.

The idiot was shirtless, but thankfully wore a pair of sweatpants. His chest was littered with bruises, including my handiwrok from a month or so ago. He still wore the little domino mask, which couldn’t give me a view of his eyes.

That head of black hair, (minus that little white tuft in the front), and looked dishevled as it fell over his forehead. It was unkempt, most likely from sleep or perpetually wearing that excuse of a helmet. He sported a few bruises near his jaw, and a bandage was over the bridge of his nose just beyond his mask. The lower half of his face was starting to show a bit of stubble.

“Where am I?” I asked, a sorry excuse to allow me to rake over his figure.

“A safe house.”

“Where?” I pestered firmly.

“In Gotham; on earth. Does that satisfy you, Jones?” He smirked.

“No.” I spat.

“Well, it’ll just have to do for now.” He shrugged, making his way over to the bookshelf upon the adjacent wall to his bed. He grabbed a worn copy of Pride and Prejiduce and tucked it under his arm as he fixed his sweatpatns on his way out.

“You didn’t-“ I said openly, grabbing his attention.

“What? No! N-no! I’ve been sparring the entire time.” He frantically shook his head.

“Your clothes are in the wash cause it started raining. The sweatshirt is all I had that would somewhat fit.” He desperately tried to explain himself. I was slightly amused at his jitters and his nervous ticks; finding them adorable.

“I hope that your being honest.” I grumbled making my way into the en suite bathroom.

“I swear on my grave.”

“That’s not the saying,” I gave him a look.

“It is for me, sweetheart,” he chuckled, shifting himself from leaning on the doorway. I followed him out of the bedroom, which led into a halway where one of the walls was completely glass, giving a full view of Gotham itself. Out of the hallway, we walked into the open floor plan of the apartment. The place was slightly luxurious, which was evident in the glass wall facing the Gotham skyrise. The kitchen was sleek and stylish in design, even with the dim lighting.

The ‘slightly’ half of it was in the cheap worn furniture, the small gym in the corner of the open floor plan, which even then, was only a punching bag that had been heavily duck taped. What was mostly jarring was that instead of the wall with a tv, it was just a wall of firearms.

“Is there a reason for a the weaponry?” I asked, hunching my shoulders in unease.

“I used this place when I was just starting out, kept everything on hand in here,” he replied, walking over to his enormous bookshelves; placing the book in his arm back in its place. He looked over his shoulder at me, cearly eyeing my uncomfortable posture.

“I’ll take care of them,” he turned around, placing a hand on my shoulder. I nodded, gnawing my bottom lip. I watched as he walked into the kitchen, still without a shirt, and in the lighting; glistening with sweat. This wasn’t fair in any shape or form.

“How long do I have to stay here?” I asked, walking up to the barstool.

“Until its safe.”

“And that would be when exactly?”

“Until its safe.” He repeated, shrugging his shoulders.

“And what exactly am I supposed to do in the mean time. I’m a detective for GPD, I’m also on a first name basis with the commissioner, and his daughter I may add. So please tell me you thought this through.” My feet padded closer to him and his kitchen. I gaged his reaction, watching him yank the fridge door open, the light only adding to his heavenly appearance.

“I’ve got it covered. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.” He dismissed me. A smirk playing on his face.

“Excuse me?!” My eyebrows shot up. My tone caused him to wince.

“You cannot just tell me that there is a hit out on me; knock me unconscious, take me to an undisclosed location; and tell me not to worry about it!” I angrily marched toward him, fire in my eyes. He shit the fridge, abandoning whatever he was about to get. As I moved closer, he backed away until his waist hit the cabinets and countertop.

Slowly but surely, a small smile grew upon his lips. In only detrimented me in my patience.

“Quit acting like this is fun for you. This is my life you uprooted.” I poked my finger in his pectoral, trying my absolute best to keep any and all of the thoughts running through my head to stay there. I did not want a repeat of this morning.

Before I could poke him again, his free hand caught mine before I could touch him. His grip was at first, iron clad. But it quickly softened as he Mille Dover what he was about to say.

“You know,” he started, his attention solely upon my hand within his caressing fingers.

“You’re adorable sometimes. You really are. But then you gotta do things like headbut me, try to arrest me, or act angry with me-“

“I am angry with you, idiot.”

“Maybe,” he leaned closer, his lips a hair’s breath away from mine. His eyes half lidded as they flitted between my eyes and my lips. His free hand splayed out to the small of my back, pulling my body flush with his.

“But I think that, deep down; you have other things on your mind.” He arched a brow. I felt a warmth pool in the bottom of my stomach, yearning for more.

Just as my eyes flit shut, the door burst open.

“HEY JAYBIRD I BROUGHT THE PIZZ-Oh, shit.” We both turned to find, Roy standing in the doorway with two pizzas and a six pack in hand.

Why the fuck was Roy here?

Did he say just say Jaybird.

Hood, knows Roy. Roy calls him Jaybird. Roy still used present tense talking about Jason.

I pushed out of Hood’s grip, backing away until I hit the glass wall directly across. My chest heaved to and fro. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t happen. I ran my hands through my hair frantically trying to grasp anything that made sense. My legs gave out and I slid to the floor.

“Well done Harper. Impeccable timing as usual.” Red rushed toward me, picking me up as if I weighed nothing to him. I couldn’t stop the tears now.

Everything I had gone through, the mourning, the unhealthy comparisons, everything was a lie. I was the only one out of the loop. Could I not be trusted?

“You didn’t tell me she was gonna be here!” Harper shouted as Red carried me back through the hallway toward the bedroom.

“You can’t be,” I sobbed into his chest. Every little thing about him began to fall into place, his comments, behavior, his scent. All of it. I was just in denial to it cause I watched him get buried at the funeral.

“I’m sorry you had to find out this way Sweetheart,” He pecked the top of my head as he entered the bedroom.

“Why,” I asked between breaths. He sighed, setting me down upon the bed.

“I don’t know.”

“You told Roy.”

He paused; “I did.”

“Is that why he’s here. Cause you needed someone to talk to?”

He remained silent.

“Jason.” It felt so foreign saying his name again, connecting it to the last time I saw his face, a much younger face.

“(Y/N). I can explain, it will take a while to, but I can explain everything.”

“You should have told me. That’s all that matters to me.” I grabbed the nearest pillow, clutching it for dear life, turning away from him. He sat there for a moment, the silence and tension palpable. After a few heartbeats he got up and left the room.

“I hope you’ll forgive me.” He said softly before shutting the door.

“I hope so too.” I mumbled into the pillow soaking it with salty tears.

[isekaisyouwithmyforearmlaser]

📼 ✏ ❌ 💬 🎵🎨 🎀 💭 📃 📖

 📼 - i dont listen to v1 banks as often as v2 or any there after, and i dont really dislike or overtly like any of them, but by law i have to say meiko because god will strike me dead if i dont. and i know you didnt ask and this isnt part of the question but i want to use this opportunity to say i like kagamine act 1 vbs the best despite all the flaws, just the tone alone i adore

✏ -im going to answer this from the standpoint of a consumer not a creator of vocaloid content. after the mess that was v5, i think they should wait a long while before releasing vocaloid 6, it just didnt feel like it had a strong start marketing wise. i miss v3 days lol. it doesnt really expand on much in terms of accessibility (basing this on the many accounts of people saying v5 is harder to use than v4, i still use v4.) most of the audience for vocaloid are people who are drawn in by the characters and have little to no experience making music, so i think they should try to focus on making v6 accessible and easy to learn (because vocaloid will always be difficult to master.) since again i dont use it often enough to be qualified to demand anything i think the “default” voicebanks should not be so fucking ugly, also im not talking about the price cause if you bought vocaloid 5…. L

❌ - i already talked about kamui kitano, so id like to talk about anri rune. i liked kikuos demo for that voicebank and its sad it never got realized, even though it did sound sort of generic female v3 vocal voice lol. again, i mostly just like her design as it stands out from more generic vocaloids like the orange one. mirai komachi i just googled that

💬 - spanish! when it comes to more languages i usually go to like the utau community just because they already have such a huge diversity in language. i remember also being very excited about french (alys) before they changed from vocaloid to cevio due to technical complications or whatever i dont recall. i still think a russian vb would be dope i want a vocaloid to be able to pull off a tatu song

🎵 - i said seeU eng before, miku got her chinese vb and the other cryptonloids are sure soon to follow, they all have eng vbs too, luo got a japanese vb. id like to see the vsingers languages expanded upon. i want to use yan he english. also miku really needs a spanish vb cause the spanish speaking producers make better songs than the english speaking producers

🎨 - NATURALLY, i want to say rin, but i think i want a miki figure lol. i dont buy merch often so i sleep most of the time and i also am poor

🎀 - in terms of project diva, chopstick, burning stone, reactor, demon star, blazing, and hakus gothic module. 

💭 - this one most covers from this uploader actually except for the curse ed os covers-> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mrAu2GUWOg

📃 - i have like not a lot of patience for things that arent people but growing up i loved the evil of series and have a lot of nostalgia for it. um i dont really like recent ones lol. when i was 13 i liked the putin p series yes you can bully me for this

📖 - i have a lot but after seeing that video with the cat on the guys head as hes yelling at the camera i said “that is fukase” and based my whole interpretation of him on this. the cat that controls him is his fucking hat that i hate. and miku is lesbian im pretty open to any headcanons but im firm with this one. i think gumi should be punk rock. fukase is prep passing :pensive:

that is all thank you comrade for vocaloid indulgence

[australet789]

Fractal

Hi! I really want to apologize for taking too long to update this chapter. But uni was really stressful and i didnt have the inspiration to work on this chapter until a few days ago. It's not as long as the previous two but it's a regular one. I hope you enjoy it :D I finally wrote an interaction i wanted since the begginging

A shout out to @laney-of-the-stars (AO3 link here) for winning the mini contest i held here on tumblr!

Thanks to @lunalocura for being an amazing beta!

Summary: Chaos, besides its own natures, has a little order on it. Chaos, without order, leads to destruction itself. When the object holding the chaos of the world is damaged, maybe a little more than order is going to be needed to fix it. Abomination! AU 

AO3

Chapter 5

When the cold air of the morning hits Marinette’s face she notices that it was the first time in weeks that she is early to school.

It wasn’t normally a bad habit of her. Really, she was only late the days after a night battle with one of Hawkmoth’s akumas (‘apparently a side effect of his miraculous is making him an insomniac. Are you sure he isn’t a vampire, Tikki?’) . Add to that the responsibilities of being the president of her class, homework, keeping up her grades, working on her designs, being a good daughter and still being there for her friends, if it wasn’t for her good stamina (and the traces of magic running through her body), she would have slept for a whole year.

So usually, she was as early as a normal student could be.

Today, though, it’s different.

Her mind goes through Chat’s words. He had called her, Ladybug her, around midnight. She was in her pajamas working in some sketches when Tikki announced to her that Chat was trying to contact her. She clearly remembered (and blushed at the thought) how she shouted “Transform me!” the moment her kwami ended her sentence.  No one could had blamed her: it had been hours since she last talked to him and she had already lost hopes of him calling her back. She had already imagined all the worst possible scenarios.

She had been maybe a little bit too eagerly when she answered her yo-yo.    

The conversation went too quickly for her taste —and considering how Chat normally acted, it shouldn’t have been that short—: he accepted being looked over by Marinette (she had to reassure him that yes, Marinette still wanted to help) but only after school and if she was free to do it. He didn’t want to keep her from going out with her friends if she wanted to. And he would only stay until 9 in the night if needed. He ended the call promising he would behave for her because he was a gentleman and ‘you are the only woman in my mind, Buginette’ and, if anything, she would be the first to know if something happened (she had to invent an excuse of why Ladybug couldn’t be there as well when he suggested it. She went with the whole ‘two superheroes visiting a civilian would be too much. You can sneak out but I can be followed and we both know we don’t want that to happen’.)

She let out a sigh of relief the moment they both hung up and then she tried to sleep —after apologizing to Tikki, of course—. But she couldn’t. No matter how much she tried to clear her thoughts, there was something bothering her that wasn’t letting her rest. At 4 in the morning, she stopped battling against her lack of sleep and decided to take her time to prepare for school (and check some of her homework too).

In that moment she realized the cause of her insomnia: there was another blond she haven’t heard about. Not since Twinkle-Twister’s attack.

She promptly grabbed her phone and searched through her messages: the last message was one the day before Shockwave’s attack.

She really tried to not freak out about it. Surely there wasn’t anything to worry about. Adrien didn’t need to speak her every day. That’s what friends do, right? Something probably came up to him, something about his job. There wasn’t anything she need to be worry about!

But then she remembered how awful and sick he looked that day and how even with that he tried to help his friends. Sure she saved him from out of the dragon’s claws but was he really ok? What if something happened to him on that roof? What if his sickness was actually something worse? What if his father took him to a hospital and that’s why he hadn’t communicated with anyone?

And that’s how she ended up in front of the school door —after Tikki calmed her down—, checking her phone every single minute. She couldn’t take the risk of missing any message.

“Wowowow, are my eyes deceiving me?” a masculine voice says besides her. “Maybe it’s the light of the sun that is making me see things?”

Marinette jumps, surprised at the sudden presence, but then rolls her eyes when she recognizes who is speaking

“There’s no sun since we are close to w-“

“She finally speaks!” The voice continues, which only cause Marinette to glare at him “and she is looking at me too! What a wonderful day! Ladies and gentlemen, Petit Pain in person!”

At the mention of the nickname, she can’t pretend to be mad at him anymore. Instead, a laugh full of fondness and old memories surrounds the two teenagers.

“What?” he says, a toothy smile crossing his features.

She shakes her head. “Nothing. It’s just…it’s has been so long since you called me like that.”

“It has been really long since we talked like this.” Kim says. Marinette tries not to flinch at the comment.

“Sorry.”

“Nah, it’s ok. We are both at fault about it. I never tried to look for you. I know that at least you did.” He bites his lip. “I should be the one apologizing.”

“You don’t have to.” She reassures him.

Brow furrowed, he shakes his head this time. “But I want to. I want to do things right. Having a maniac inside my head put some things in perspective for me, you know?”

A pang of guilt hits her again.

“Hey, don’t sweat it, Marinette. You and I both know it wasn’t your fault”, Kim reiterates. “You didn’t humiliate me to our classmates and you weren’t the one who possessed me with a demonic butterfly.” He pauses. “Because you aren’t Hawkmoth, are you?”

It’s Kim’s turn to flinch, but in pain, when Marinette hits his arm with her fist.

“Ow! I’m hurt! I’m very much hurt!”

“You earned that.” She hisses, but a smile teases the corner of her lips.

“As your self-proclaimed brother, I deserve some respect.” He mumbles, running his hand over his injured arm

“Beat me in arm wrestling and then we’ll see.”

Kim pouts. “Oh, c’mon, you know that’s never going to happen.”

“Precisely.”

His even bigger pout makes her burst into giggles and for the first time in days, she feels some of her stress leaving her.

“But seriously, you tried to help me that day, Marinette. Heck, you are always helping!” He exclaims. “In fact, if I didn’t know you better I would say that you are trying to beat Ladybug in which of you can help more people.”

If Marinette had been drinking something, she would have probably spit everything over Kim’s face.

“Hahaha, oh, Kim you are so funny!” She hopes for him to not notice the fakeness in her voice. “Me?! Trying to be like Ladybug? Please! I would never!”

She tries to change the topic as quickly as she could.

“So…uhm…” Marinette stutters, “w-what are you doing here so early?”

He hums. “I’m waiting for Max. I usually run around the school before classes and he measures my time. But he is a little late today. Weird.”

‘He is not the only one’, she thinks, running her thumb over the screen of her phone.

For a moment none of them says anything.  Marinette, for the sake of doing something, decides to check her messages once more. She feels Kim moving but she is too focused on looking at her mobile.

Nothing yet.

“Ahem!”

Marinette raises her head up and glances at Kim, who is sitting on the stairs, patting the spot next to him.

She cocks her head.

“C’mon! It’s pretty much obvious that something is bothering you. You can tell me.” He says, a smile still plastered over his face.

She hesitates for a second but then shrugs and sits next to her friend.

“There it is!” He exclaims, putting an arm around her shoulders and crushing her to his side. She lets out a little yelp. “Now, tell your dear brother what your problems are.”

“First of all”, she says, pushing his arm out of her shoulders, “I need to breathe.”

The young boy scratches the back of his head. “Sorry.”

“Anyway”, Marinette sighs, “I’m just…worried.”

“About?”

“Ehm…it’s…” ‘Would it be okay to tell him about Chat? Maybe not.’ ”…I have this friend…”

“Yeah…?”

“And like… we have been communicating for a while…”

“Aaaaaaaaand….?”

“And he…”

“Oh, a boy.” He interrupts.  “The plot thickens.”

“Shut up it’s not like that.”

“Sure, Jan.”

Marinette glares at him.

“One more interruption, and I will tell Alix the real reason why you didn’t come to the last bet.”

Kim pales.

“And, well,” she continues,” I haven’t known of him for the last few days. And the last time I saw him he looked so sick and tired…and I want to ask him if he is ok but I don’t want to pressure him, you know? It took me a while to speak to him and I don’t want to scare him away. So I’m just…yeah, worried.”

“I mean”, Kim says after a moment of thinking, “if you are worried you can send him a message instead of trying a direct approach.”

“But it has only been a few days…” she whispers.

“So?” He scoffs. ”Max has only been 10 minutes late and I already sent him 5 messages. He is your friend, isn’t he? Then he wouldn’t mind if you asked him if he is okay. If I was him I would be actually happy.”

‘That’s what Tikki told me too.’

In that moment Kim’s phone vibrates.

“See?” He says showing her the message he just received: it was Max apologizing for not communicating beforehand and telling him that something came up with his grandmother but that he was already close to the school.

Marinette smiles at this.

“Well that’s my cue to go.” He says, standing up. “Like my old man used to say: ‘Patience is a great virtue but a little initiative doesn’t hurt anybody.’”

“Hey!” Marinette calls him when he is leaving. “Thanks for everything, Patmol.”

Kim blinks but then lets out a big laugh.

“Nothing your big brother can’t solve, sis.” He winks at her and then runs to wherever Max is.

“And good luck with Adrien!” Marinette hears him scream to her when he is almost out of sight.

She stiffens at that but then shakes her head and laughs softly.

Tikki’s head pops out of her purse after hearing Kim’s departure.

“He is right.” She agrees.

“Yeah, h-“, Marinette starts, but is interrupted when her phone vibrates.

She quickly unlocks her mobile and looks at the message. It’s Adrien: he apologized for not talking sooner, but he was in New York with his father, helping him with the fashion show that was being hosted there. If everything came out right, they would be returning in 4 days.

“See, I told you!” The kwami chirps, excited.

A second message comes just when she finishes reading the first one. In that one Adrien says that he missed their night chats.

“Yeah, I know you did.” Marinette says, relieved that at least one of her problems was solved.

‘I know you did.’

“Plagg! Help me to check if everything is ok.”

‘Kid, this is the sixth time you’ve checked yourself.’

“It doesn’t hurt to check again!”

‘You are not even carrying anything! Just that stupid thing on your head.’

Adrien huffs. Today he is going to go to Marinette’s house and saying he is nervous would be understating things. The moment he ended his call with Ladybug, he started planning how their meeting would go, asking Plagg for advice and being awake all night when the kwami got tired. He didn’t want to scare her anymore, no matter how many times Ladybug assured him that Marinette wasn’t going to reject him.

“It’s not stupid. It’s for precaution.” He corrects him.

‘Oh, I’m sorry, you are right. The thing is not stupid. You are the one being stupid right now.’

“Wow, I can totally feel your love towards me.” Adrien says indignantly. His fists are clenched and a cold anger starts forming in his chest.

The kwami says nothing. Adrien closes his eyes trying to calm himself but it’s difficult. He then feels a low vibration in his throat and something running up and down his back, like if someone is rubbing it.

“P-plagg? Are you the one doin-?”

‘Shhh. Breathe first, then talk.’

He does as instructed. He tries to focus on the fresh sensation that replaces the painful cold in his chest and the soothing movements over his back. His breathing then started to regulate and his anger to dissipate.

“How…?”

‘Remember that I can feel what you are feeling. I am older and I know some tricks.’

“I…” Now Adrien feels guilty for doubting about his kwami’s feelings. “Thanks.”

‘Don’t feel sorry, lad. We both are in a situation that is uncomfortable and you are more sensitive now. Even I am more sensitive. But you can’t lose control or your powers will too.’

The flowerpot incident comes to his mind.

‘Kid…’ Plagg warns.

“I know, I know.” Adrien says. “I still need to apologize to her for that too.”

‘And, you know, for being late too.’ The kwami comments.

“WHAT?” He checks his baton and realizes that he is 5 minutes late. He clearly hears Plagg’s cackles in his head.

Ignoring his kwami, he promptly makes sure that everything is in order, that the door in his room is secured and then he leaps out to the rooftops.

It takes him another 10 minutes to reach Marinette’s house — he avoided as much as he could all the houses with flowerpots or something that could fall or hurt anybody—. He decides to hide behind the chimney over her balcony when he notices that Marinette is not home yet. He is relieved by that actually. That gives him the time to repeat to himself the speech he practiced all the morning and to check that the paper bag over his face is still there.

‘And here we go again with that thing.’

‘Plagg! I told you that the bag is-‘

‘For precaution and yadda, yadda yeah I heard you. But we both know that you are not doing it for that, but because of that dumb jok-‘

“Coo!”

Both Adrien and Plagg freeze at the sound. The former turns his head up and sees a pigeon over him.

‘Plagg, please tell me that my allergies were gone after I became this thing.’

‘You tell me, kid.’

The pigeon cocks its head.

Adrien’s throat aches.

‘Oh, no’

The pigeon suddenly launches itself towards him and starts pecking at the bag. Adrien gasps at the sudden attack but shuts his mouth quickly when the aches increase. The animal keeps pecking merciless, no matter how many times he shoo it away. He actually manages to brush its wings with his hand a couple of times.

‘WHAT DOES THIS BIRD WANT WITH MY BAG?!’

‘I TOLD YOU THIS WAS A DUMB IDEA!’

‘RETREAT!’

Desperate, Adrien jumps in the direction of Marinette’s balcony looking for cover, but his bad luck follows him, making him tangled with the white tarp that cover his friend’s balcony. He lets out a yelp and rolls over the balcony, landing ungracefully over the floor…

“Hey, do you hear something?”

…in the exact moment in which Marinette opens her trapdoor.

Adrien groans, both in pain and embarrassment. This isn’t going as it supposes to be. He looks at the girl in front of him and he feels his face reddening even more when he sees her standing there, eyes widened and her mouth forming a comical “o”.

Not for the first time, Adrien wishes for his destructive powers to make a hole in the ground and let it swallow him up.

“Well…” Marinette finally speaks, “…I knew you wanted to make a dramatic entrance but I think you went over the top this time.”

Adrien wants to cry and laugh at the same time.

‘Kid, remember…breathe.’ Plagg’s voice makes Adrien to finally compose himself.

‘Right, right…’

Clearing his throat, he carefully untangles himself of the awning, straightening himself up.

“I deeply apologize for the damages caused, Princess,” he says and to emphasize it, he bows to her. “But I must say, I was furiously attacked by a rabid animal.”

She looks back to where he came from and turning to him, she raises an eyebrow. “You mean, Jacques?”

“That thing has a name?!” He looks up at the chimney and glares angrily at the pigeon, who is distractedly cleaning one of his wings.

‘I can’t believe we have been defeated by a pigeon named Jacques.’

‘We are never going to talk about this, kid.’

‘Gotcha.’

“Ok but seriously,” Marinette’s voice interrupts his inner conversation, “is there a good explanation of why do you have a paper bag over your head?”

Adrien swallows and nervously rubs the back of his neck. “Heh, funny you ask! Uhm…erhmmm…well, you see…”

“Wait, wait, wait. Is this because of…of how you look like?” She inquires. “Because I- erh Ladybug told me already about it.”

He doesn’t answer her.

Marinette sighs. “Look, there’s nothing you need to hide, ok?” She takes a step forward, but Adrien gets nervous and takes a step back. She stops for a moment but then continues moving, decided. “I don’t know what exactly happened but I’m not going to get easily scared of a kitty version of Venom.”

“I mean it’s not exactly that but-wait-!” He begins saying but stops when he feels Marinette’s hands on his face.

Too quickly to stop her, she removes the paper bag…

“Oh my god.”

…To reveal a Chat Noir’s mask —that it was just a photo of a magazine stuck to a piece of cardboard- over his face.

The deadpanned glare she sends to him is enough to stop the laugh that was forming in his throat.

“Oh my god, Chat, seriously? A Deadpool joke?”

‘I told you this was a dumb idea, kid.’

“I just was trying to lighten up the mo- wait a minute how do you know it’s from Deadpool?” He asks.

She crosses her arms over her chest. “How do you know about it?”

“I asked you first.”

“I asked you second.”

‘Oh for the love of-‘

“My kwami told me it was a great movie but he only showed me certain clips.”

‘Don’t include me into this.’

“I asked my parents for permission and they said yes.”

“Young lady, you shouldn’t be watching that kind of movies, they’re not for your age.” He scolds her playfully.

She scoffs. “And are you? You don’t look older than me, kitten.”

‘STOP FLIRTING!’

‘Damn, she is right. I’m younger.’

‘You are totally ignoring me, aren’t you?’

‘What do you thin-no! Marinette, wait!”

But Marinette is faster again and the mask ends up in her hands in another fluid movement.

Adrien just closes his eyes, not wanting to see her reaction. He doesn’t want to see the same expression Ladybug had the first time she saw him.

“Chat…”

‘Kid…’

He lets out a soft whine and shakes his head.

“…please…”

‘…open your eyes.’

“…open your eyes.”

Adrien doubts at first but, slowly, he finally opens his eyes.

The first he sees in his reflection in her eyes. How the deformed features reflect into them. How the light of the dusk turns even creepier his aspect.

He feels horrified at himself.

But the eyes looking at him are not.

In fact, the next thing he notices is the smile on the girl in front of him. By the way her expression is telling him that he is not unwelcomed, that everything is going to be alright.

For the first time in days he feels safe.

“See,” she says, “I told you I wasn’t going anywhere.”

He has to repress the urge to hug her.

“Thanks, Princess.” He tries to give her the best smile he can in his condition.

She blinks but then laughs softly and mumbles something to herself. He catches something like “I missed that” but he isn’t sure.

“So,” she says after a moment, “would you…like to come in… I know my room is small and maybe a bit disorganized…well, disorganized in general,  but you can stay on the chaise, you know, take a nap…”

His eyes widen, surprised. He hadn’t thought about her asking to go to inside her house, let alone to her room.  Where there is stuff. Fragile stuff.

He can feel his heart throbbing in his ears.

“…unless you prefer going back to your house because I’m totally scaring you. I’m sorry!”

“Nono…it’s just…I m-mean…” He stumbles in his words and actually feels sweat forming on his hands, “I d-didn’t thought you were going to a-ask me that and I just…I need...I really n-need to think about it.”

“Right, right…”

“So, uhm…yeah I think I just…” He says, and jumps over the grills of her balcony.

“Yeah… you can…errr…” She licks her lips. “See you tomorrow?”

Adrien turns back and looks at her. He doesn’t want to hurt her and he is scared of what could happen if he can’t control his powers if he actually enters her room…

But at the same time, he finds himself not wanting to reject the girl who just welcomed him even with his condition.

“I…yeah,” he finally says. “See you tomorrow.”

He leaps off the balcony and quickly loses himself in the shadows.

When he enters his room, he lets himself fall over his bead. Putting an arm over his face, he closes his eyes and realizes that he is feeling lighter than ever.

‘Well,’ he hears Plagg talk again inside his head, ‘I think that went…not as planned.’

Adrien chuckles. ‘You can say that again.’

‘But it ended up pretty well.’

‘Yeah, I think so.’

‘But you know, you forgot to apologize to her for the flowerpot thing.’

‘…’

“Fuck!”

Later that night, Adrien finds himself unable to sleep.

‘Kid, you should rest. You need to keep your energies up for tomorrow.’

‘I’m not tired, Plagg.’

‘Yes, you are. You just don’t notice it yet.’

‘Maybe you need to tell me a bedtime story so I can sleep.’

‘Ugh, no, go to count some sheep or something.’

Adrien laughs, but it’s a short laugh.

‘Ok, something it’s bothering you. Spit it out.’

‘It’s nothing.’

‘Don’t lie to me, kid. Remember we share minds and sensations, so I totally know that something is eating you right now.’

Adrien hesitates, but he realizes is dumb trying to hide something from his kwami at this point.

‘I just…I was…’

‘Plagg, what if Ladybug can’t fix us?’

‘…’

‘Plagg-?’

‘Don’t think about that, kid. Of course Ladyluck is going to fix everything.’

‘B-but what if she can’t? What if what we have is incurable? The Miraculous Cure didn’t work the first time, what assures m-us that there’s something more powerful than that? I can’t even detransform and-‘

‘You can.’

‘What?’

‘What I said. You can detransform.’

‘Plagg, last time it was too painful and-‘

‘But you were able to. You were fine after that. The more time you keep with the transformation on, the more painful it will become later. It will almost impossible to try it, kid, it will ki-‘

When the kwami stops abruptly, Adrien doesn’t need to hear the rest of the sentence to know what will happen.

He could feel the sorrow coming from his friend when he talked.

‘What about you?’

‘What about me.’

‘You were melting after I detransformed. If I detransform again, what will happen to you this time?’

‘…’

‘Plagg, stop doing that silence thing, you are making me nervous.’

‘I can’t die kid, if that’s what worries you the most.’

‘But-‘

‘I’m a being made of energy. And energy cannot be created or destroyed…

‘…it can only be changed from one form to another.’ They both think at unison.

‘So like I said, you don’t need to worry about me.’

‘I’m not going to detransform, Plagg.’

‘Kid, I just told you-‘

‘I know. I know what you told me but we are both in this mess together and we are going to get out of it the same way. We are partners, aren’t we? So Ladybug will cure us both at the same time and that’s my last word.’

Finally, Adrien yawns.

‘Rest, kiddo.’

‘Yeah, yeah, I heard you –yawn- I heard you...mom.’

Plagg nothing says.

It usually doesn’t take much time until Adrien is asleep and today is no different. Plagg generally uses that time to think about the akumas, about his holder’s life, about his past holders.  The kwami can’t sleep either, but he is content on guarding his human’s sleep. He focuses on the constant rhythm of his heart, in the way his chest moves up and down because of his breathing.

It reassures him that he is still alive.

That there’s still time.

‘Once upon a time…there was a brave, curious kitten. And his name…his name was Léon…’

[tumblunni]

okay HOLY SHIT

I just remembered that show Gargoyles that I loved as a kid, and I decided to rewatch it, and its SOMEHOW EVEN BETTER THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS?? Like holy fuck?? It has one of the best introductions to any show ever! Did I just never see the first episode as a kid, or did all the implications fly over my head when I watched it??

Okay so.. like.. I knew the PREMISE but I didnt expect it all happened in the least expected way! The friggin theme tune tells us that blablabla ancient magical guardian creatures fell under some sort of curse and now they’re revived in modern times, such and such, there you go a one sentence plot. BUT HOW IT HAPPENED HOW it happened oh GOD And like the show starts with a whole hour long flashback to the gargoyles back in olden times?? like thats a really bold move! usually in kids shows theyre like ‘you MUST establish the status quo/episode formula right away’. here we literally only saw two minutes of modern times america. TWO MINUTES! some person we dont know finds some mysterious monster. now lets throw that all away and spend a whole glorious hour establishing how much of an upstanding man that damn monster is, and how the universe treats him like shit. like weirdly enough it raises hype for the modern day episode formula even as it shows none of it?? it makes the audience think ‘WAIT WTF THEYRE NOT EVIL, OH NO WE ALREADY KNOW THE MODERN POLICE IS GONNA ATTACK THEM’ :< And then also we get ANOTHER HOUR AND A HALF of establishing the modern day status quo too?? theyre labelled on dvds and stuff as the first five episodes, but really this was just one big 2 and half hour movie premiere! i wish i could have seen it in its original form back when it first aired, i just remember that it was really hard to catch reruns of the multi part stuff cos toon disney had a lot of airing issues

anyway WHY IS THIS THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER?

okay

OKAY OKAY

Here’s our premise! We start off in some ambiguously set medieval kingdom where everyone dresses like a mashup of vikings and englishmen yet have scottish accents ok seriously thats kinda distracting And we’re introduced to this small castle kingdom that’s protected by mysterious guardian creatures of amazing character design. Like seriously i wish they didnt focus so much on this ‘all the main gargoyles have to look more human’ thing, the comic relief teenagers trio was my favourite and also THE COOL GRANDPA EYEPATCH GARGOYLE ok ok im getting offtopic So in this universe gargoyles are a sentient species of winged noble warrior doods, who just happen to have a problem of turning to stone in sunlight. And they protect these humans but the humans are all assholes who’re like WAH BUT THEY LOOK LIKE CHRISTIAN DEMONS THEY MUST BE EVIL even as theyre like.. mid-being-saved. Absolute dumbasses. And seriously YOU BUILT YOUR CITY ON THE GARGOYLES’S LAND! You should count yourself lucky their leader is Niceman Mc Patience who agreed to a peace treaty instead of kicking your ass. Seriously Goliath you kinda comprimised too much! It really fuckin sucks!! The gargoyles are like.. employed by the humans for no form of pay?? They get literally nothing out of it! Except less room to live in their own home, and constant degredation.

Okay so THE HUMAN CHARACTERS AND THEIR CONSTANT DEGREDATION

We’re introduced to the princess and royal vizier dude when the kindly knight captain is like ‘hey you should say thank you to the gargoyles, not me’, and she’s like HOW DARE YOU LET THE BEASTS INSIDE THE HOUSE! Like seriouslt the gargoyles arent even allowed to be seen by humans?? Theyre supposed to protect them every damn day but also should never speak and never have any form of rights as sentient beings. WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR DAMAGE, MEDIEVAL DOODS?? So yeah here’s our brief summary of the everyone here: * Fucking asshole princess who acts like you let your dog shit on the floor if you give a friggin sentient being and king of another civilization the basic courtesy of being allowed to STAND INSIDE THE HOUSE * Cliche evil vizier lookin dood who doesnt really have much personality shown yet except being a sycophant to her anti gargoyle shit, and like.. from his character design you totally expect he’s gonna be evil. *shrug* * Niceman mc guardman who treats Goliath like a friend and is being all activist for gargoyle rights amoung the court. But also he’s really low ranking apparantly, and doesnt have any power to affect change. It seems that he’s been treated like shit by these royals for a long time... * One innocent nice kiddo who wants to hug the gargoyles for saving him, but his jerkass mum is all OMG HOW DARE YOU TOUCH HIM HEY EVERYONE YOU SAW THEY TOTALLY ATTACKED US RIGHT Like seriously he just fuckin tries to start a conversation with the younger gargoyles, and is all ‘youre my hero!’ and they have a nice talk that establishes a load of worldbuilding like how gargoyle culture doesnt have any form of names and Goliath only has one cos the humans gave it to him. Screw you, worldbuilding interruption predjudice mom!

Okay so now we have our premise, and we see some mysterious guy in a hood sneaking out of the castle to ally with some raiders who wanna overthrow the country and steal all its riches. Also a minor scene of the teen and kid gargoyle group being sent to their room for 'causing trouble’ even though seriously the humans started it >_> So like.. we all know where this is going, right? Its a pretty big omen when you give us a contrived circumstance for the children to be the only ones who can be safe from this impending catastrophe... And the voice was very gruff and deep so its probably not the princess doing this shit, plus duh she already has all the power so why would she need to stage a coup? Really, the question now is just what vizier man’s motives are for wanting to betray her!

... EXCEPT

This is where the story gets fuckin great, and also where My Soul Is Pained

hey guess who was really the traitor? its.... nice guard man! fffffuck its sooo creepy when the princess is running for help and she’s like HEY THANK GOD YOURE HERE and then he has this big slasher smile and reveals his plan T_T And like.. he’s still.. not really evil?? Nobody here is evil, except the personalityless plot device raider guys who just exist to set up this circumstance. The princess is an ungrateful predjudiced asshole, but she’s beloved by her human subjects and i mean., she never actually does anything evil, she’s just rude and nasty. And the vizier was a complete red herring and actually all his mysterious shit was just him hiding a crush on the princess, so he breaks down when he thinks she’s dead :( And then guard guy also wasnt lying about caring about the gargoyles. he tried to get them to leave so that only the humans would die, but then like.. his ambition overtook that one shred of loyalty he had to his friends. He thought he could get through all this without having to kill them, but when the raider guy insists upon it he ends up agreeing rather than lose his chance at stealing the throne. And then its really slimy how he’s all ‘BUT I DIDNT INTEND THIS ORIGINALLY, ITS ALL RAIDER GUY’S FAULT’ after goliath shows up and cries over the corpses of his family, like seriously what the fuck dude dont try and weasel out of consequences for your actions. But still it feels like he was once a genuinely good guy who just gave in to his selfishness and abandoned his morals?? And i mean its super justified for him to be angry at how he was treated by the princess, and to want to affect change in this society. WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU!! Seriously its so fuckin surprisingly deep to have some guy who’s a fakeout hero in the first damn episode. And some guy who’s a villain just because he stooped to any means necessary to carry out his once-heroic ambitions. Instead of changing society for the sake of the people, he’s sacrificing all the people just to gain the throne, and forgetting why he ever wanted it! SERIOUSLY HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO BE EVEN WORSE THAN ASSHOLE PRINCESS

so yeah then the plot just goes in SO MANY UNEXPECTED DIRECTIONS to get to the same expected conclusion! Instead of just being cursed by the bad guys, the gargoyles were betrayed by the one closest to them, while those bad guys all died innefectually offscreen. And the curse wasnt even an evil act! It happens because of a REALLY COMPLEX GREY MORALITY SITUATION, where the princess and vizier were gonna be sold off for cash, but then because the gargoyles tried to save them the guard guy decided to just execute them instead. So after their triumphant rescue of all the villagers, they find the vizier man sobbing over his dead love, and then he tells them its THEIR FAULT IT HAPPENED. And he doesnt want to live without her, so he makes a really stupid reckless decision and decides to attack the last few living gargoyles. And like RIGHT AFTER he casts the spell on them, he finds out the princess is still alive and its all oh Fuck What The Fuck Have I Done So vizier man tries to undo the curse, but his book of spells got damaged in the fight and (OF COURSE) coincidentally the page about curse lifting is gone. Cue fuckin Everyone Crying. SO FEW EVIL PEOPLE IN THIS STORY SO MANY EVIL ACTS DONE BY THOSE WHO THOUGHT THEY WERE THE HERO like even the vizier and princess realize they were wrong about their anti gargoyle bigotry after they have to see the consequences of it here but its just WAY TOO LATE FOR THAT

and then yo the EVEN MORE UNEXPECTED AND SAD BIT cos our protagonist gargoyle was the only one who didnt get cursed thats unexpected and he basically COMMITS SUICIDE TO BE WITH HIS FAMILY THATS KINDA MORE UNEXPECTED Well its more like a g-rated suicide metaphor?? Everyone thinks the curse will never be broken, so he curses himself too cos he cant live without them. And its really depressing cos even though we know they all eventually get uncursed, so many others just straight up died and also theyll never see their human friends again and also the castle is all destroyed so the fate of the kingdom is really ambiguous too?? we just know that the now-redeemed princess and vizier are gonna do anything they can to protect their citizens and atone for what happened. and they take the last few gargoyle eggs that werent destroyed, and promise to raise them with all of the love and respect they nevr gave poor goliath... and seriously they never say whose children those eggs were but he’s like the only person left who could have given them a proper gargoyle childhood. So like its morally grey that goliath is choosing death together with the people he knows, rather than living and trying to ressurect his dying civilization. i absolutely wouldnt blame him for it though, its not like suicide is an active choice, he wasnt exactly in his right mind at the time! But its just REALLY NICE AND COMPLEX! And raises a lot of questions about what will happen to these new gargoyles who’re raised by humans, how different would they be if goliath and co met them someday? i really hope thats actually a plot thats gonna happen, i cant rememebr ANYTHING about this show lol...

so yeah theres all the FUCKIN COMPLEX DARK MORAL AMBIGUITY IN ANCIENT ENGLANDSCOTLANDGERMANYKINDA and it is AMAZING and it absolutely baffles me how they ahve such great plots when other parts of the writing are kinda awful standard disney cliches?? like seriously they wasted so much screentime on Comic Relief: A Fat Guy Exists. Seriously he just.. exists. They show these really slow and overanimated scenes of him just.. eating things. not even exaggerated or comedic. he ate one pie, lets all make fun of him for twenty minutes but man, no show in the 90s was perfect, lol! this is still pretty damn great! AND VERY EMOTIONAL

oh oh oh and i didnt mention THE OTHER CRYING BIT cos the guard guy gets a cliche disney villain death, the whole accidentally falling off a cliff due to his own actions, so the protagonist isnt morally responsible for killing a man but then what makes it a really unique scene is that THATS NOT THE MORAL STANCE THE SHOW TAKES goliath WANTED to kill that damn man or, at the very least, give him some sort of punishment for what he’d done goliath has a fucking huge despair moment over the fact this villain man died and he wasnt the one who did it “you took everything from me, even my chance at revenge” cue ugly sobbing as this buff ass demon man screams at the heavens and cradles the stone dust that was once his damn wife what the fuck show why are you doing this to me

ITS REALLY GOOD

[pensurfing]

Caitlin’s Three Things List

Okay, so moments (probably hours by the time I finish this) ago I wrote a goals list that I think is good for self-evaluation. (Keyword: This is what I think. results may vary depending on what you’re looking for.)

I’m going to hop to it and answer some of these that I laid out in hopes of having a better idea of what I want to accomplish. 

The Three Things Lists!

1) Three things that went well this year.

* Audience growth

So once upon a time, I grew a pretty decent following due to creating an Inktober Prompt list. My expectations: Maybe two of my friends would do this, maybe. And then one stranger that has followed me for a while. (There are a few followers I recognize their username because if I post something they always like it and for some reason that keeps me going.)

But because of this prompt, I was exposed to MANY new creators and illustrators that I now enjoy chatting with and following! Instagram had the biggest maintained growth. I’m excited to create for an audience that actually expects me to create and not just for friends who see my things “whenever they aren’t busy”. (Not to bash them or anything, just there are a lot where unless I tell them, they don’t see the posts I make.)

Another surge of growth in my audience was due to tabling at conventions this year. I was terrified to show my work let alone attempt to sell it to someone. Tabling at cons not only boosted my confidence but also quieted one of my ever going demons. “YoU sUcK aT dRaWiNg CaItLiN.” “How do you have a degree? oh right, you just barely passed.” I can’t say this is the case, there is an audience that genuinely enjoys my scribbles. So I am forever thankful to Atlanta Comic Con for giving me that chance. It honestly opened a few doors for me.

**Process

I’ve gotten more comfortable with showing my process. It can be messy, crisp, and illogical. But turns out the people who enjoy my content enjoy my scrambled thoughts. It’s something about not being alone in this sort of sense that calms the nerves.

So I can say with chest poked out that sharing process has gotten MUCH better. I can thank a self-help book I bought this year that was a FANTASTIC BUY. Austin Kleon has [two] (currently? If he has more then I’m buying it like people buy a name brand.) books that helped me see that it is GREAT to share not only the process but advice. “Show Your Work” is the book I’m talking about for now. Great tips, the outline is on the back of the book. So if you’re like me, I need to clearly see what I might be getting into, you might have a ball.

And finally, (not calling myself out on this but other) If you’re going to respond to people when they ask you “how do you___?” do not answer “Google it”. That is the rudest thing I’ve seen some of even my FAVORITE illustrators do; that response can burn in hell. PERIODT. (my one typo allowed.)

*** Art Style Exploration

For those who think college will help you establish an art style that you’ll enjoy or help nourish the one you currently have.... Let me save you over 80K.... No, the fuck it won’t.

That was the biggest thought I had going into art school. If anything, it confused me more and utterly destroyed what little confidence I had in my drawing style. After graduating, I had a huge swing from how I used to draw to how my art currently looks. I stopped trying to please the one professor who stood between me and my degree and started drawing to please my tastes. And guess what? That did something. And that something WORKED. I love what I draw now; I see why I chose this as my career path. I’m genuinely happy with how my pieces turn out versus in college just wanting to turn the damn thing in and hoping it isn’t an F.

2) Three things you could have handled better.

* The loss of a good paying client.

Now hear me out when I say this: A good paying client DOES NOT EQUAL a good client. Say that three times and then exhale.

Back earlier this year, I had the opportunity to work with a writer who gave me hell and back. And even that is an understatement. I dealt with her because in school you were taught “if they pay on time, finish the work and get the exposure.” 

I’m here to tell you my lesson learned: A good paying client DOES NOT EQUAL good exposure, good pay, a good client. 

I was doing the work of three for the price of one and a half. (And was always told I charged too much.) She tried abusing this power with friends of mine, with other illustrators. When things turned out bad, she tried saying it was my fault. She read my contract and then tried telling me I changed the wording, I purposely did this thing, another thing was my fault. I could go on with this story.

The part that I wish I handled better?

How I treated myself afterward. I’m so used to people telling me, “Cait, this is what you do wrong. This is how you fix it.” that I don’t consider my own feelings, and when I bring my feelings into the scenario they no longer matter. Because they tell me they don’t matter. In this case, I wish I had treated me better, because my feelings, my mental health, DOES matter.

**My Patience Getting Into Conventions.

Pretty self-explanatory. I got into one, finished one, and wanted to do eight more in a week. But this sort of thing just takes time and I need to accept that.

***My losses

I had to listen to a Little Mix song to actually learn this one. The context of the song is nowhere near the topic at hand. But a verse from Power feat Stomzy really packs a punch after this year: 

“ You look him in the eye and say, "I know I'm not a guy But see there's power in my losses and there's power in my wins" “

I had to look one of my demons in the face, and state something similar. My loses mean I’m trying. My loses piling shows I’m not willing to give up easily, and that is something that took a while to be content with.

3) Three things artistically you want to improve on.

*Composition

It’s not awful, but it can be better.

**Color

I told this BOLDLY if I might add while critiquing someone else’s portfolio; “Your color palette is boring. All your [things] look as if they are from the same universe, during the same time of day, with the same kind of mood. After three photos it’s bland, boring, and understood you have a preference.” 

Can you say damn Cait? The statement was, in fact, true, but I certainly could not talk. My color palette is mainly bright, pop, and happy. In order to tell a story, I KNOW it is best told with color. And I failed myself this year. But I sure won’t next year.

***My Damn Tag

Okay, alright. Why is it well-established artists have their tag figured out? Even some who’s art style is so recognizable (I’m looking HEAVILY at you Gabriel Piccolo.) we know it’s theirs, seem to have a tag that suits them and works for them. But more importantly, they put it in A VERY DECENT SPOT. SOMEONE SHARE THIS SCIENCE WITH ME? CAUSE APPARENTLY I DON’T GET IT.

4) Three things you want to focus on trying.

*More backgrounds.

As much as it pains me, I need to improve on backgrounds and perspective. When I do make backgrounds, I’m told I make great pieces. That I should look into becoming a background artist. And don’t get me wrong, I like them. But I don’t like them.

I feel as though I need to improve in that region so that way I don’t feel as though it’s a weakness of mine. My backgrounds are nice, but they aren’t nice to my standards.

**More designs

I love character designs, but let’s be real. If you were to scroll down my site or my Instagram page, or even this Tumblr archive, could you tell? 

I draw characters a lot sure, but none are designs. No process, no sheets, no turnarounds, none of that. So that’s a huge goal of mine for 2019.

***Scheduling posting

At one point I was pretty good at this. Live stream in Instagram and Twitter, cool. Videos on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Cool. Everywhere gets a photo, everywhere gets a silly one-liner. Yay. I’m not leaving anything out.

Well by the end of this year that totally crumbled. 

SO I want to try getting better at that thing there. Because having attempted this at the end of the year was cool, but it still wasn’t enough apparently.

5) Three positive things to tell yourself.

* You are an inspiration. That’s all you wanted to be in life, you did it. I’m proud of you.

**You didn’t kill yourself like you tried to; you opened up about it for once and used that pint up anger creatively. That is very hard to do, trust. I’m proud of you.

***You moved on, matured, and let it go. Even when the goddess inside you told you these peasants didn’t deserve your light, your friendship, your greatness. I’m proud of you.

I’m just proud of me for not snapping when I had every right to; not everything deserves a reaction.

6) Three negative things you want to leave for 2018.

*Comparisons 

Oh boy. I am extremely guilty for this: I’ll compare myself to a well-known illustrator my age. I’ll compare myself to friends who are in the field having a blast and getting work; I’ll compare myself to friends who aren’t in the field and they struggle at getting work. I’ll compare myself to the kid I graduated high school with who is traveling the world, is able to eat, come home to his dog and relax because he doesn’t have tuition to pay. I’ll compare myself to these goddamn baby boomers who keep repeating “We didn’t have it hard, you’re just being stupid. Millennials aka our children deserve to starve. We’ll just put our faith in our grandchildren because screw the kids we raised and refuse to pay accordingly. $7 an hour worked in my day, they need to make it work now.” I’ll compare myself to fake people I created in my head and purposely made scenarios and wonder why I’m not like them, said creations I made because I was pretty low for ten minutes...

I just compare myself too much. To any damn body. It’s draining, obnoxious and most of all pointless. My new motto for next year is: “Unless it is helping you grow yourself, your brand, your spirituality, don’t do it.”

I’m not comparing my chapter two to someone’s chapter thirty-five. I’m not even comparing my chapter two to someone else’s chapter two. I need to stop doing that PERIOD! My journey is different, unique, and worth seeing through.

**Listening to negative others.

A couple of years ago, I lost a close friend around the time my aunt passed away. During this time I was hypersensitive to any and everything done or said; I also kept many walls up to hide my mourning. He caught the crossfire of all of that. I kept secrets from him I was too prideful of admitting and lashed out because of the emotional turmoil I kept suppressed. While in the midst of packing his things and leaving my life, he mentioned that I was a failure because I was unemployed and artistically speaking I hadn’t accomplished anything; that I would remain that way because that’s just the person I deserved to be. Now mind you, I graduated college that year; he was a flunk out. I changed my art style dramatically compared to when I started school to pass; he thought just posting crappy pictures of lukewarm sketches were equivalent. I started attempting trends and all he could do was copy. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t to bash my old friend. If he were to come back into my life and move on like nothing had happened I’d do the same. (With some limitations.)

It’s just while typing out this scenario, of our four-year friendship I can’t think of one nice thing/compliment/gesture he has said to me. That’s my problem.

I can be praised, admired, and look highly upon for years straight. But my problem is I let others negative thinking and comments marinate with me for a long while. Too long of a while.

Another example is my mother’s friend. (My mom has many friends that do this shit, but this one stung more.) 

This friend always roots for me; treats me like a person, and encourages my artistic journey. I consider her family before my actual relatives. 

We went over for some barbeque the family was having and I was ready. Black Hallmark Cookouts, laughing, good food, good music, shit talking others teams. She asked me a harmless question of when was I going to quit my day job. Seemed like nothing at first, until the added gest of what she continued with. “All I’m saying is you can’t do [your day job] forever. That will get old. If the art thing doesn’t work out next year what’s plan b?”

I’m not a calm person (usually). Normal Caitlin would have cursed her out and mentioned how just because she chose a job to settle and be miserable at for most of her life doesn’t mean I have to follow suit. But again, of all the nice encouraging things she has done, said, and showed, for a while, I couldn’t think of it. 

So I pray I let go of this nasty behavior in 2018; it’s going to be hard but it is dire.

***Saying I’m Not Enough

Alright, now put the combination of the two above in a bowl and what do you get? A Caitlin who struggles in interviews and applying for jobs because I let comparisons and negative comments rule my thoughts. This stopped me from applying to jobs I would have been perfect for; internships that could have helped me; posting art online.

We (including me) have to stop thinking that in order to be an illustrator means we have to pass a certain threshold of struggle, success, and a huge number of followers. That isn’t the job description. NO JOB DESCRIPTION has ”must have at least 10K followers on Instagram or Twitter.” nOnE. 

So we (including me) need to stop treating ourselves this way. Period.

7) Three things you’re looking forward to in 2019.

*Going to move conventions.

**Adding pieces to my portfolio to try again at job hunting.

***Becoming content with the fact that my current situation isn’t my permanent situation. Unless I laze around and make it so.

Alright, so this was basically me calling myself out on my noise. Lashing out my demons and putting it in writing what I want to accomplish. I hope this inspires you to write yours, even if you keep it private. I hope it guides you and maintains your vision.

I’ll see you in 2019

A new wave

Caitlin xx

[aaronmascoll]

Chapter 31- Jackson

The night went as such. Jackson joined the girls and their family for dinner. They had over two hundred family members. Besides Alyssa and her sisters, everyone was more or less related to Gunnr and Hildr, Sigrun's sisters, two more Valkyrie queens.

After he was introduced to everyone, Jackson sat at the end of the table, and Clarissa sat next to him. They ate outside at large rustic farm tables. The tables were covered with roasted turkeys, smoked hams, steamed vegetables, and garden green salads. All throughout dinner, Jackson couldn't decide whether or not to accept Sigrun's offer. His indecisiveness caused his knee to violently shake, angrily hitting the table with every rise and fall. Clarissa put a reassuring hand on it and he settled down.

Before dinner was over, Sigrun made announcement. She announced how happy she was to finally have her daughters back, and that they could return home or visit whenever they wanted. Jackson also had an announcement to make. He announced that he had come to a decision, and would accept Sigrun's marriage proposal in hopes that he could help her unite the Valkyrie realms. The moment he was finished, everyone cheered. Clarissa, on the other hand, took him by the wrist and dragged him back inside the house. When they were alone, she kissed him, pressing her lips softly against his, and began to cry. "Is it wrong that I don't want to share you?" She whispered to him.

Before Jackson could respond, she shoved home away. "I'll be fine," she said with a smile. "I just wanted you to myself, if only for a second. Now go, be my mother's knight in shinning armor."

Jackson tried but didnt make it all back his table, Sigrun stopped him just before he could walk outside. "It's okay if your having second thoughts," Sigrun said in a sympathetic voice. "I've seen how my daughter looks at you."

"It's ok," Jackson said as he took hold of Sigrun's hand. "I wouldn't have said yes if I knew it would hurt any of your girls."

Sigrun look up at Jackson with a bright smile. "Well, the sun is beginning to set, and the air is still young. Shall we turn in and make this marriage official?"

"Yes, I think we should."

"Then follow me, and I'll lead you to my- I mean our, bedroom."

Jackson followed Sigrun as she walked in front of him to their bedroom. Jackson was nervous, It had been six years since he had last had sex. Something inside told him that he should be faithful to Leila, but she had slept with another person. So, why couldn't he? Jackson pushed those thoughts away to the farthest corner of his mind. He knew knew if he thought that way, right now, then he would be helping Sigrun for the wrong reasons. Instead, he thought of Sigrun and how this would help her, but his mind kept going back to her dress and its transparency. It left her completely exposed. From her her perky breast and precious pink nipples, to her ample buttocks and the way they gloriously jiggled from side to side. Jackson had a hard time not staring at her during dinner, and now he couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe, she wore that dress with intention of persuading him to marry her.

As they reached the door to the bedroom where they would spending the night together, Jackson tried to remove his coat and remembered he left it outside on his chair. He made a note to retrieve it in the morning. Sigrun's room was very large. A fire pit with a roaring fire took up the left side of the room. A large emperor bed, covered with a white fur comforter sat on elevated platform to the right side of the room. And a half balcony, half pool, took up the back of the room. Sigrun walked across the marble floor of her room with the gracefulness of a ballerina. Jackson stopped at the bottom of the platform as Sigrun sat down on her bed and faced him. "Jackson," she said nervously. "I should tell you this will be my first time laying with a man. I do hope you will have patience with me as you coach me through this... experience."

"It's going to be ok," Jackson said as he stepped up onto the platform and sat down next to Sigrun. "Actually, this will be the first time I've had sex in about six years. If the makes you feel any better."

Sigrun laughed and tried hide it with her hands. "It doesn't," she said as she giggled.

Jackson leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on Sigrun's lips and that's what got them started. They started slowly, kissing, and groping at each other's bodies. Then they hurriedly ripped off each other's clothes. Jackson didn't last very long, the first time. After they first had sex, the two of them started to talk. Sigrun poured Jackson and herself, a glass of red wine she kept on a series of shelves next to the door that Jackson seemingly missed when he entered the room. As they drank he told her about his childhood back on earth, and about all his friends and their wild and crazy adventures. After a brief recollection of that night's events, they ended up having sex again by fire pit, and after a break, again in the pool under the stars, and again on the bed where each of them finally fell asleep.

In the morning when Jackson woke up, Sigrun was gone. After getting dressed Jackson found the bathroom. It was designed like a Roman bathhouse. Jackson was able to find a spare razor and decided to shave. His goatee wasn't a problem for him, he just preferred the clean shaven look. Down the stairs and on one of the thrones, Jackson found his coat nicely folded. As he put it on he heard the soft pitter patter of Sigrun's bare feet approaching him. "Good morning darling husband," she said cheerfully as she greeted him with a kiss on the cheek.

Sigrun was wearing yet another transparent dress. This one was orange with flowers made of lace down the side of it. "Good morning," Jackson said. "You look very beautiful this morning."

"Thank you. You look more handsome than I remember. Are you really the man that I slept with last night?"

"Very funny. Shall we take a seat and see if last night was all for nothing?"

"Oh, I wouldn't say nothing. I happened to have enjoyed my self last night, and even if this doesn't work I will gladly think of you as my husband and king."

After Sigrun sat down on the left throne, Jackson sat down on the right one. After a brief headache, a river of information suddenly began to flow through his mind. The names of every Valkyrie from all of their realms were now inside his head. And he could see all of them. He could see all the Valkyrie realms as Sigrun molded them into one. Thirty two islands, big and small, now surrounded the one he was on. The power to alter everything in the Valkyrie homeland was something Jackson thought he'd use. He had some ideas he thought they could benefit from.

Something else happened when Jackson sat on the throne. The only way to describe it was to say peices of his soul embedded themselves into every Valkyrie in the realm. He could see each Valkyrie drawing power from them, making themselves stronger. The same feat also made him stronger, it was like his body was producing a lot more anomali energy now.

Jackson stood up. His new found powers to see and control everything in the Valkyrie homeland was something he would use only if Sigrun was okay with it. Which she was, he somehow knew. He knew everything about her. From the day she was born, up until this moment between them. He also knew she could suddenly knew everything about him. "Thank you," Sigrun said as wrapped her arms around him. "With this, no more Valkyries will suffer at the hands of the elders. As we are now husband and wife, what's mine is now yours. But first, you might want to go and check on your silver haired friend."

With a kiss on the cheek, Jackson was glad Sigrun hadn't mentioned his past. He knew she would keep his secrets. So, Jackson gave her a large hug as a silent thank you. He then used another one of his new found powers to teleport directly to Silver. She was in a barn arguing with Anise, a cow farmer with five daughters and a sixth on the way. When Jackson arrived, Anise immediately went down on one knee. "My king," she said.

Silver glanced at Jackson and did a slight curtsey. "King Jackson," Silver said with a hint of anger. "Thank you for coming. Last night, Anise and I arranged a deal for her to sell me her king pegasus. Now, she wants to change the price to something I'm certainly not going to pay."

"Stand up," Jackson said to Anise. "What's she talking about?"

"My king," Anise began. "My wife and I already have five beautiful daughters, and as I have already bore my three, I cannot have any more. Though we Valkyries cannot directly be impregnated by men, when ingested, the semen of a man can promote fertility in a Valkyrie that has already bore her three. Valkyries often would travel to one of the human cities to find a suitable male to provide the needed semen, but with my wife due any day now, and the cows in heat, I cannot leave. That's why I told her that I would graciously give her my pegasus if she acquired some male sperm for me."

"And I told her, she's fucking crazy," Silver said matter-of-factly.

Jackson smiled and said, "That's easily fixable. You can use mine."

[calvinlepesh]

Purpose? Purpose.

My life was perfect til that day. I didn't even have a clue of how good off I was. Disrespectful, ungrateful, angry, but truly, sad. "From the beginning of my time or from the realization of the universe?" Very bold question I ask myself currently. How do I want to convey my knowledge? How do I want people to percieve what i will tell them? How will I word my stories and thoughts in a way that is too hard for normal people to understand? Can I? From the beginning it is! Now, Born Valentines day 1999 was chubby cheeked enthusiastically loved and cherished Lepesh. Born in Minnesota cold. Raised in Minnesota cold. Lepesh knew hot summer fun, running through the sprinklers, water balloon fights, Football, Basketball, Ice cream trucks, Chalk on the side walk/driveway, Biking with neighbors around our nitche. Biking by myself to the gasstation for candy. Waking up in the middle of the night to play video games in the basement, Getting caught waking up in the middle of the night to play video games in the basement. Lepesh knew winter fun. Snowboarding, Snowfuckingshoeing, Sleding, Snow tubing, Snowball fights, Huge snowmen, Snow forts along the cul-de-sac snowwall created by the huge cool snow plow! Wow! I thought to myself  mouth wide open with a smile, as the large plow on the front of the truck bursted through large mountainous snow mounds with ease. Creating wonderous mounds of snow in every frontyard across the neighborhood. Building snow forts and then having a war with snow balls. The point is my childhood was filled with fucking joy and happiness. It rocked man and Im super happy that it happened. I couldn't imagine this shit happening to me before.. Well before it happened. Its 2008. Its december as I sit on the couch with my brother and my parents..... well wait here theres a little more first. February 14th 2008 Im nine years old today. Im in Mr.Larsons fourth grade class. I enjoy creative writing, recess and lunch. although I didn't write much. I really love football and sports around this time. I decided to be a cowboys football fan when my dad said I could choose cause hes too nice to force me into being a Vikings fan. My parents especially my mom but definitely my dad aswell. Let us choose what we wanted. Which I disagree with now and will certainly not allow my childeren to decide what is right. Although Im sure I will at some point definitely not in elementary what the fuck?! Anyways. Decieded to be a cowboys fan cause my dad hates them and loves the Vikings. Which I now love today. Anyways. Im in the car with my whole immediate family driving. I ask where we're going or what we're doing. While heading west in the car my dad tells me we're going to Wisconsin and we're gonna stay the night at a hotel. The entire car ride their my dad is messing with me and im furious. Im certain today if I was in the passenger seat during the exchanges between my father and I I'd be laughing my ass off. But almost at the same time sad and angry of how ungrateful and disrespectful I probably was to my father. Idk maybe I just pouted, which I did alot lol.. anyways We finally arrive after probably an hour or so drive west, not infact in the direction of Wisconsin to a large farm in eastern Minnesota. 'There's nothing here' I thought to myself. It wasn't a desolate farm but damn near close. Large housing for live stock aswell as people. My father then reveals that im going to be getting my own dog for my birthday. I immediately light with excitement and smiles. Joy pulsing in my heart. Ive always wanted a dOG' i think to myself as I turn to my brother with excitement. I can only imagine how wide and big my smile and cheeks were to this day. Entering into the large barn with my family. Me, my brother, mother , and father all enter the barn to the amazement of dogs and insulation lol. From the outside it almost looks like a overly large stereotypical red barn, however the inside has another side to the story. Carpeted floors off to the left held the petting area with already free roaming dogs. while the right side of the room looked as if they did paper work and forms and whatnot. Going right wasn't even a thought in my head. LEFT. Headed for the dogs im stopped by my mom who is greeted by the worker/farmer. Im not even listening to her. I want a fucking dog. Moments go and my patience already thin is thinner. It takes alot for me to blow up even as a child. The problem was the things building up my 'meter of rage' as a child shouldn't have been. Anyway. Finally I head over to the dogs climbing the little fence even a little small for me already tall for my age. Immediately I spot an adorable smaller black dog. I kneel down to sit with it and attempt to hold it. Only to kneel right into a huge carpet puddle newly accompanied by its main ingredient dog piss. Nice. As i tell my mom she just laughs and tells me to be careful. Its what I did worst and least often. Unfortunately that was one of my biggest issues. After looking for awhile. I now realize my dad was probably ready to leave after 10-15 minutes definitely longer than that but Understandable nonetheless. After probably 35-45 minutes of trying to find a dog that didnt shed and was actually good looking. My mom had been carrying this one dog in paticular for a decent amount of time. Asleep in her arms as if a child beautifully sleeps my savior..... The car ride home Hank held the dog the entire time. Almost sinisterly which him being an older brother. acceptable, however frowned upon. Uncharacteristically careful I am as I hold my new dog. Smile from cheek to cheek and thats a long distance lol. Still carefully holding her i slowly bring her and a blanket along with hank to the basement. Where I lay out the fluffy green blanket and set Katy ever so gentely down. Standing next to my brother stareing almost in a daze like trance. We have a dog!' We were so happy. Hank and Lep happy? Together? very rare nowadays. I would certainly come to forget of such times even now almost a foriegn concept of us being so happy together. Now back to the OG storayyy............ Holding katy close weilding her support almost as a weapon to defend myself from such an awful thing. Its happening' I feel it' i just know' its happening' We are able to create our own reality because we (humans) designed a very primitive (in comparison to the universe) way to communicate how we feel. Speech. Speech is very important. Its our first amendment here in the US. say whatever u want. Pretty much. our speech is primitive because it doesn't describe things that we are uncertain of. We have to choose in our speech whether to Have no Idea Agree disagree yes no. Now of course there are exceptions to that. But not to normal people. Normal people can't understand this. If you are reading this right now and are lost for words but think you're 'awake' so to speak. just listen. This is a huge secret to life. Huge. It may change ur life over night. The best part about it is you get to decide. Ask yourself. Am I going to be open minded to what this man has to say? Ask yourself do I want whatever he says to be true in my life?... Just so I can touch as many people as possible and help the (working class which im apart of} hear me out. You may think im fucking crazy or that idk what life even is either and you're right I don't but all you have to do IS ACCEPT THAT WHATEVER IS/WILL/HAS EVER HAPPENED, Happened because you decided it was going to happen. Before you were even born. Before anybody way born. The best part about it. Is that it is unpredictable and it is fueled and directed DIRECTLY from our speech. Whatever you speak out loud for example say I said and I have. I want to fucking die. and I meant it. I really mean it. If you don't mean what you say then learn to do that before anything. Before u start this really take the time to realize ur worth not as a person but as you. Cause you created everything in your world. The best part you created it that way cause thats the way it turns out best for you. I hope atleast. Think about it. You get through everything. most things people kill themselves over. You're trying to make yourself strong for some reason possibly? or maybe catching myself up to everyone else cause I had such a nice and spoiled childhood? Past karma current karma. Thats what gets me. Theres no way a god created this world. But i could've created this world. Maybe im evil just like the world a little bit deep down. I am. Definitely a little evil. Its apart of my soul. Its apart of everyones soul in my world maybe not as much on some people and Ill never know why that is and I don't need to cause, I trust my judgement. It may be wrong sometimes but im still alive today for some reason that I decieded. thats the beauty of myself I truly never know what im gonna do each day specifically. Ill know if im gonna be tired or up for another 5 hours. Cause I will be and Ill feel it. Ill know when i need to fucking pee. But I never know what mindset is right or true for me. partially cause i have shitty short term memory and bad hearing and vision and a bad liver. im 19 lol. Anyway. Basically the secret is speak what you want and mean it everyday. You'll know if you dont want it as badly some days. you might even miss a day. All you're trying to do for yourself by doing this is getting yourself into a routine where you put those '(vibes) or Speech and words/ Communication. Communicate with your universe. Speak how you feel. Speak what you want. Speak how you're going to get it. Even if you're thinking theres no fucking way thatll happen. Theres no fucking way im ever going to pass through college. theres no fucking way id be able to get through law school. I can't be a chef I've hardly cooked. are my common misfires. Misfires however very common after the first few days to weeks will disapate if you PUSH ON! Just like you always have! This is what you were waiting to find. You created the world it is today for yourself today to see this and reconize for yourself today. That you're doing this wrong. Since starting my program I live with partial contentment as a human being. However I personally keep myself open to negative thoughts and wishes periodically to balance my life. However as for most of u assume this is rather stupid but selfless nonetheless. The reason I hold dark as I hold light is because this is what I decieded and this was meant to happen. The decision made by the creator of my universe which is me to write this to you and share what I have learned to help better your lifes for the benefit of them I do not know what I or they gain from this because it is beyond my comprehension aswell as yours. It could be for something of the lines of in 200 years cause I told you these secrets and my experiences and helped you better your life over time and you benefitted and you passed onto your childeren. that no your family lives on in the future 200 years from now. and they're good people. maybe not all. But if taught correctly and this isnt a cureall for everybody. But it significantly helps better improve overall mood and life tolerance in your life. It doesn't work immediately. It isn't gonna take it easy on you just cause you know now. In fact. If you are not open minded currently do not read because this idea sent and recieved and read and processed by a closed mind. Blocks the process from ever having the ability for your mind to hear and read properly as an openminded individual would.

[somedaypast-thesunset]

this weekend was actually okay and something i needed. on saturday i spoke to my landlord who was very aggressive about our deal and it gave me alot f anxiety. i attempted to share this with.. well.. anyone, and it was really isolating. the day before i had spent just a few hours with him and another friend and i felt isolated. saturday evening he decided he wanted to hang out and was really, really excited to share that he had found a cottage he could use this summer. neither me nor my friend was that enthused. both of us have lives that dont reallt include cottages and who knows if he will still be our friend by then. honestly. and he presented this with such excitement, like it would be good news for me. like i would care. like i was supposed to care. i think in a way both my friend and i thought good news wouldve been him wanting to move out of his mothers house. like he had a change of heart and realized what was actually for the best. he stuck on the cottage, repeatedly asking me over the next day or so if i was excited. he said i could go fishing. if i dont, does he bring someone else? but having him in a good mood was much better than usual and made him much more affectionate and nice, which is what i needed to overcome some of my anxiety. not all anxiety can truly be solved on its own. he kept touching me and held my hand and was overall just really nice. it made me comfortable enough to share my landlord situation and surprisingly he had a similar reaction to my own - they had been nice before, they set out the rules im following, theyre just angry they arent getting anything right now by definition of their own rules. he told me it was okay and i didnt need to worry about it because they had resolved to threats and aggression when i never once acted inappropriately. i felt alot better hearing that. weve been very careful not to comment on each others choices but still offer passive opinions. he doesnt like me living with anyone and hes negative about all of my options. but he doesnt tell me outright what to do / what im doing wrong in his eyes. but it felt better to feel justified in my belief that i wasnt crazy for thinking that i was in fact following their rules and procedures. a bit later on he mentioned that i should try for my native status and to me its a very sketchy subject based on almost 100 years of people with a very flimsy story which i imagine is mostly true but there could be serious false parts. thats why i just accept the ancestry my father believed in but dont indulge in it. but its gratifying to hear a random opinion which someone came to on their own regarding my ancestry and their belief in my belief. but he added that i should seek out an aboriginal center that could help me through the process and they should be more than willing to help because ive experienced so much abusive trauma. i felt a bit thrown back by this observation and didnt really reply. i mean, im not insulted or offended. im more genuinely surprised that within his own thoughts he believed i had abusive trauma and he wanted a way for me to cope easier in life. and it wasnt just oh u had trauma, it was 'so much abusive trauma' - very specific, indicating belief that not onlt had i experienced trauma on its own but that it had been willfully inflicted on me in my past. i believe in a way this also refers to the fact i told him what has been unsaid between us but most obvious in our last fight. he is a contributing factor on a semi regular basis to my anxieties and depression because he chooses to be as close as he is in the type of 'relationship' we have but does things like randomly break up or blame things on me. but its up and down, putting me through a cycle and my trust and patience, as thin as it was to begin with, is hanging on by a thread. i do believe he could leave at any moment without deep thought into how it would affect me. and he tries to remain naive or ignorant to the damage he caused; he asks me if i know where random things are or why i havent taken care of our herb garden and i remind him that im not here and im not welcome to do these things or know these things. he pushed me away for almost two weeks and expected things to be exactly as they were like i had left yesterday. i believe, like my ex, my trauma is too large for him. like, its a hard thing to completely encapsulate and see on a single level at once. and its complex emotional abuse - whether purposeful or not by people that may or may not have had control over the situation. i have felt like an observer since i was a baby. like im just watching crazy shit go down over and over again without a real period of content in between it all. in the afternoon, i felt a bit better. i didnt need sympathy or a shoulder to cry on necessarily, but when you feel very isolated, having your existence acknowledged is good. someone knows. they thought about it. i didnt implant it or bring it up. i roller skated for a bit - im sure its like literally 5-10 minutes of skating at a time but to me its kind of amazing im outside on rollerskates at all. and i think its kind of unbelievable to others as well - not that im too lazy, just that ive made an active choice to emerge from things at the best of mt abilities. later i began looking for jobs and apartments, repeating the same routine of the last few weeks but grateful to be in comfort doing it instead of at the library. i began narrowing down my search - i know, i know, i should take all the jobs. any job. put myself on a production line, hand bomb boxes, cut up chicken - but i cant. i cant do it at this point in my psyche. i cannot physically or mentally bare the process of living that way. its incomprehensible to me - im not above it. im not stubborn. im not lazy. but when you barely have the desire to get out of bed and feed yourself and bathe, to create the desire from nothing to go to a factory and pack boxes for eight hours of the day is so much time alone with my mind. its not distracting or challenging enough and ive see. these terrible jobs make normal people depressed so to me it seems like a death sentence. so i began to narrow it down - its been a long journey, acrually. it started months ago when i sat down and sincerely though about the very few things i could believe or want in my life thriugh all the fog and trauma and stress. it was very basic - im kind of a simple person. or maybe im simple among my turmoil. i like animals - but they also can trigger alot of anxiety and emotions that i dont want to deal with on a regular basis on top of having employment to maintain. i like cooking and baking; but all job environments with this are very high stress fast paced places and i am a sloth. not lazy, again, but currently moving at a pace that is the best of my abilities. i like computers but my skills are from 2008 and i dont have the patience or attention span to upgrade them right now. i like, in some ways, cleaning but i dont think its something id want to do everyday of my life. i like caring for the elderly, but again, its a complex job with alot of mental stress. so for the past month or so ive settled on essentially something in horticulture. i like growing things. it brings me a little joy on the inside. i like herb gardens and flowers, i like being outside, i like learning about plants. i began looking for a job in a garden center but they were few and far between and i began to realize that it was still mainly retail. so i applied to landscaping - i could cut grass and weed gardens but its male dominated industry and i dont think my few years of experience doing well, nothing, makes me a their first choice. plus its back breaking and the weather conditions can be terrible. so i looked for jobs as a florist or in a flower shop or maybe just the flower department in a grocery store. it seemed relatively low stress, not incredibly fast paced but something that was always in demand and flowers and maintaining flowers is great. but i began to learn that it required experience, as most jobs do, but as i thought about it i realized perhaps i could be a floral designer. it sounds really.. meh. like a super unimportant job with no real purpose and may e thats okay. it has alot of options; floral shops, weddings, funerals - its an oddly versatile thing that also allows for creativity and an experience of art and a little bit of science. its not complex, but it could be. and it allows for expansion - i could run my own flower shop. its not the most useful trade but its something thats always useable. i hesistantly looked into schooling. it seemed like a random course you took once and they gave you a paper. but a neaeby college has an entire 2 semester course that includes fundamentals of color and design and business plus floral design and other similae things. i say near but its a 2 hr bus ride away. however, its only on saturdays. one day a week for eight months. for curiousitys sake i looked into student loans. my last experience was uncomfortable. despite my best efforts, including calling multiole financial aid offices and sending paper work, i was still messed around and had no idea what to do to fix it. in rhe end i was told it was unlikely student loans would cover my choice; it was an online course in criminal psychology. i felt defeated and turned away from it but looking back now it was a poor attempt to alleviate pressures. so i was weary that osap would cover this course. apparantly school was sketchier than i thiught and the websites were utterly confusing and just asking for money up front. but i continued on, certain that it must work - everyone else manages it. i found the loan calculator and inputted the data. it would be the bare minimum course load thst would count towards getting a loan. it seemed impossible, a course that only happened saturdays that would be covered by a loan. but it recognized the course and calculated based on my assistance i get now, which i know is possible and i know assistance encourages you to do so. it came back as covering my books as well as 9000$+ for living & travelling expenses for the eight months. right now, assistance would allow me a little over 5000$ provided i dont get a job. and thats for living and eating, 300$ a month for rent, 300$ for basic living. at 9000$ i could afford 500-600$ in rent, possibly more if i really wanted to stretch it more so as a loan, when i work, my money isnt deducted. so my shelter costs are covered and at an even higher amount of rent for 700$, i have 300$ still to live on. if i wanted to live alone, that is. having 500-600$ to offer in a roommate situation or towards anything in my future is better than the 300-400$ im looking at now. so i think i want to do this. im going to ask assistance to cover the application fee and im rly hoping i have the one pre requisite course they ask for. it doesnt solve anything right now at all. this is long term think over the next 6-8 months, whicb honestly is scary. im scared by planning so far ahead for myself. and its hard because what if what if what if. but i think its the right thing to do. i dont know if it is. was i ever going to be a famous chef or doctor or office person? probably not. im lucky to exist as i am now. its a reachable goal just outside of my comfortzone and despite the meager amount it seems like theyre giving me, its more than i have had for almost a year now. i believe im ready to handle this, which is funny because its thrown on 18 yr olds eith no life experience but it doesnt matter. a friend has been sort of wanting to be my roommate. its hard to trust her though. and its a really sketchy situation to enter into but financially it would make sense and it would allow me to keep a majority of my comforts. she said she drove around and looked for apartments yesterday and called a few, which is more than ive done. she did show me a few but they were just out of my price range and i wonder if i just wont have enough money to even have a roommate. i also havent had any calls or opportunties for jobs or cash and half of it is my fault. today i could go to contract testing andearn 20$. but ill spend 4$ to get there. i wanted to make it a trip and go to the assistance office too and submit paper work for my application but my desire is not there and im frustrated st myself because i was given a fine weekend. and i need the money; im nearlt short of first & last for 400$ worth of rent, which means i cant even look at 500$ places. i can, however, afford 450$ which is not so bad and i guess i could borrow 100$ from someone if it came down to it, considering my efforts. so 20$ today would sort of go towards living expenses right now and i guess i just.. dont care. i also have to call hydro because i have a past due notice im hoping doesnr translate to final notice? im past due on mt past due and even making the phone call seems daunting. my mornings have become battlefields, mental acrobats of havinf set a plan - even a simple task and fighting myself for several hours about doing it or why or for what purpose. i commend myself, sadly, on the three consecutive days at the library last week. thats actually unheard of in my world, getting up, getting ready and goinf out at almost the same time for three days in a row. then it was the weekend. and now im here. and the weeke d didnt bother me. it didnt cause this, or maybe it did but it doesnt feel like it. im glad to have spent time with him in such a positive way but i guess i have a looming feeling of "well tomorrow i know i wont see him" and ill work out my day alone and eat alone and sleep alone and have all this time because i barely have wifi and no cable and no tv and no movies. its not his fault though. its mt fault. he doesnt have to share his time eith me because i couldnt manage to have wifi. or that i sold my tv. it would be best for me to do the things i planned today. i also havent began cleaning or packing any of my things. i could use boxes. but i kind of want to sleep; i didnt sleep well last night and felt ljke i was up most of the night, having slept alone, and being woken up pretty uncemermoniously at 630am. he explained he was up until 3am working on his project and managed some niceties but dropped me a block from my apt for no real reason. i do scorn myself for not taking initative. these tasks are really fucking simple and crucial to my well being but ill comfort myself with "well, its only this time of day, i can still do this and this later" and its such a poor cop out. i could do it now. the two hours ive been sitting here, couldve done it. but i didnt and i honestlt probably wont and that really makes me such a bucket. its hard feeling down about your depression. but i guess unfortunately im going to start this day again in a few hours and im sure ill be much better off.. or atleast well enough to move from my bed.

[topreview2016]

Does Claire Goodall’s Everyday Roots Work or Not? – Shocking Review

Learn home remedies, DIY beauty recipes, and more, using ingredients you probably already have in your kitchen.

As a DIY addict whos been known to spend an entire Sunday or 5 on Pinterest, I was really excited to read this book. Who wouldnt want to have access to easy to make remedies that can usually be thrown together with stuff that you dont have to search high and low for?

Speaking of searching high and low, this is an eBook instantly available for download, so its really convenient to keep on hand in your tablet or smart phone. That way, the next time you need to stock up on ingredients at the grocery store, you can just flip through the book and find what you need.

No, the book is not available in paper form, which is not an issue for me, but that is really the only possible con I can think of when it comes to Everyday Roots.

What I love about this book is that it really does have something for everyone.

Its jam-packed with over 250 pages of recipes for pretty much anything you can think of. I dont know about you, but when I look at DIY stuff on Pinterest or wherever, I cringe thinking about all the things that could spontaneously combust when my clumsy self is haphazardly mixing ingredients today.

One of my favorite things about this book is its layout. Its got a bright, clean design with a clickable Table of Contents, which makes it super convenient if I need to find a recipe quickly. The pictures are gorgeous, and make me want to get some beautiful Mason jars and milk in a glass instead of the ho-hum carton were all so used to seeing.

The book has solutions for gas, bloating, dandruff, toothaches, sore throatthe list goes on. When I was reading through this section, I realized that about a year ago, I had pinned Claires sore throat remedy on Pinterest and made it for my husband last year when he got sick. He was miserable for days until I mixed that up for him. It took him only about a day to fully bounce back after making that for him.

As someone who is always on the lookout for ways to make our laundry smell as clean and fresh as possible, I really appreciated all her recipes for detergents and fabric softeners. No more spending $10 for a tiny container of Tide!

Are you a beauty product junkie, who, like me, cringes at how expensive everything is at Sephora and Ulta?

You will love the book for their beauty remedies then. Youll save so much money using ingredients like coconut oil, olive oil, honey, and strawberries. It makes grocery shopping more fun for me because now I know Im not just looking at certain produce and oils and what not just for cooking. Like I have an extra dimension of usefulness for them.

I didnt realize how moisturizing an oatmeal face mask would be. That one will be my go-to in the dry, flaky skin stage we all know and love in the dead of winter.

If you love Lush or bath bombs in general, youll be excited to know that Claire shows you how to make your own bath bombs. She breaks down the recipes in a clear and concise manner, so I never felt like I would be getting way in over my head if I were to try one.

I know, I know. The GMOs, pesticides and random 27-syllable chemicals are everywhere these days and theres nothing we can do to avoid this.

Au contraire! The author, Claire Goodall, admits that she used to feel the same way, eating neon-orange Cheetos and not thinking twice about using the same deodorant shes been using since her teenage years.

That is, until in 2009, a medication she was taking stopped working. She was tired of that sluggish feeling, like youre just treating the symptoms and not the cause. She started thinking about just how widespread the use of additives and preservatives has become in todays world, which is what inspired her to write this book.

She started gathering recipes with the ingredients youll find in Everyday Roots. After she realized that she had such an enthusiastic response from people when she mentioned natural remedies, with many contributing their own DIY solutions, she decided to put a book together. And thank goodness she did!

Youll love how Claire makes the recipes easy to understand, but she also gives context for why she uses or tries not to use certain ingredients.

For example, she says she tries not to use alcohol if she can help it, and sometimes desperate toothaches call for desperate relief. She explains that while its easy to think of alcohol as numbing, the reason its beneficial when dealing with tooth pain is because it slows down the nervous systems response to pain.

I like that she provided these types of explanations because it can help me form an In case ofUse list in my head.

Stop being a slave to hard-to-pronounce chemicals with harmful side effects!

If nothing else, just imagine how good youll feel, knowing that you have a clear head because youre not ingesting tons of weird medications with who-knows-what kind of side effects. And youll be saving so much money from not having to buy this stuff at the store any more.

You might be like me, thinking Oh, Im a klutz (or lazy, or have upside down eyes or insert-your-excuse-here), I cant make this stuff. Trust me, I know the feeling. My husband has the patience of a saint, because any time I have to use flour when baking, the kitchen gets dusted in a flour shower.

And you know what? Even with my klutziness, I was able to try several of these recipes and they were super easy (and no, just in case youre wondering, no flour was harmed during any of these incidents). So yes, you can do this. And you will see so many benefits from taking control and making your own recipes.

Who knows, you might even be inspired to come up with a few DIY remedies yourself.

In addition to Everyday Roots, youll get Everyday Herbs (a guide to healing with over 24 different herbs) and the Coconut Oil Book. I love coconut oil. Whats that joke? Just pour coconut oil on your entire life.

Well, thankfully Claire shows us the way to do just that, with 107 different benefits we can get out of coconut oil. So yes, youll want to keep a vat of it around to pour on your life when things start going south.

While I havent started growing any herbs yet, that is my next plan and I will be doing so using the tips from Everyday Herbs. Aah, my mouth is watering at the thought of growing my own peppermint.

Start walking on the natural path today with Everyday Roots and change your life!

For Instant Access To Everyday Roots, Click Here

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[tumblunni]

Alright I guess I’m watching the two-parter first cos lol I cant just let that spoiler stew in my head for half an hour. Bunni’s commentary below the cut, woooo!!

* I love steven’s postman song * Oh so maybe this is the thing we saw in the mysterious promos where the human characters suddenly go missing for some reason? But i’d think if Jamie didnt show up to work then they’d just send a different postman to deliver steven’s route, I mean we’ve seen that sadie’s mom sometimes delivers instead of him. * where did amethyst even get soda can beans * damn i hate beans and i still really want soda can beans now * PEARL AND GARNET MADE A SANDCASTLE HOUSE FOR CRABS, THIS IS THE SINGLE MOST ADORABLE SCENE IN THIS WHOLE SHOW GODDAMMIT * THEYRE JUST SO HAPPY ABOUT IT * AAAAAAAAAAA * anyway, continuing on... * or not, here have a pic first

* NOW, CONTINUING ON! * OH NOOOOO. man, that scene with sour cream putting up missing posters for his brother is so sad! I’m not a massive onion fan but still, he’s just a lil kid T_T * Okay, i do like that they did actually bring back sadie’s mom the postman, even if it was in a different way than I expected. I dont like the joke about her making secret copies of sadie’s keys though, thats just not funny when we had a whole episode about her being an abusive mother and now its like we’re saying she didnt actually learn her lesson after all. I know it was meant to be a joke tho, but it wasnt very funny so its easy to take it as serious... * I also liked that they brought up the island adventure episode as an idea for where sadie might be. Man that thing was still one of the darkest things ever, yikes... * Tho I do like that sadie’s mom is the first one to take steven’s concerns seriously, and she clearly has changed a bit cos she’s so fired up to save her daughter now. I hope you continue appearing more and continue with this good character development, sadie’s mom! Less dumb abusive parent jokes plz! * I really like aquamarine’s design, yo! She seems kinda like onion’s unique art style? and its cool to see that she’s clearly of the same kind of ‘caste’ as lapis and even shares the same colourscheme but she’s also a very unique variation. Its a shame that the ‘my dad’ thing was what got spoiled for me tho, cos I could imagine I woulda got attatched to her and assumed she was a lil kid if I hadnt seen that part first. * HAPPY MUSHY STEVEN AND CONNIE FRIENDSHIP TIME! while surrounded by the growing dread of all their friends potentially being dead! HOORAY? * okay i laughed way too much at Connie: *crumples up a leaf and watches it blow away* well, we know there’s wind just the overdramatic way it was animated, lol these two really arent very good at detectiving, this episode probably aint gonna end well.. * I also like how much empathy they both had for aquamarine even though they know nothing about her. and the various silly theories of how she has a dad, I totes agree that I’d wanna see a movie about aquamarine as batman! * Steven: *leaning into a tree* JAMIE! You in here delivering packages to some peat moss? WHY AM I LAUGHING SO MUCH * Also a bit late but let me say I loved everyone’s bad attempts at drawing aquamarine. Connie’s super anime version was ADORABLE, and omg pearl doing this uber complex Mucha style thing and going ‘oh im so bad at drawing lol’ * CONNIE YOU ARE MAYBE NOT HOLDING THE CORRECT AMOUNT OF SUSPICION HERE. “Jump down and I’ll shield your fall with my body!” connie please stop being so kind and perfect for once in your life * also its a bit silly that connie is the one who starts to cotton on that this is a tad confusing and suspicious, when steven just had the whole episode with Ruby. You’d think he’d know now not to assume that childlike gems are all instantly good :P * okay NOW he gets suspicious! after he somehow got himself stuck in a tree and connie is right in the grasp of this potentially evil gem. BAD SENSE OF TIMING, DUDE * I know she’s kinda meant to be terrifying but I LOVE TOPAZ ALREADY. Can we plz get like.. a large buff gem who isnt evil for once? Its starting to become an odd pattern. But yeah topaz/topazes hasnt even got a line yet and we dont know anything about her or how that weaponized fusion thing works but its just REALLY COOL and she looks really cute and I would love to hug her if she didnt absorb me into her skin like a horrifying death monster. That SLIGHTLY lowers the huggability factor! Slightly! But seriously she’s like a silent mook to a boss thats really rude to her, so i can totally see a big opportunity for her joining the hero side, yo. * also i like that aquamarine’s weapon is a magical wand that can turn into a hair ribbon. thats just very neat! also reminds me of syndrome from the incredibles * SO YEAH! DAT TWIST! Its cook that they made a callback AAAAAALLLL the way to a stray line of dialogue in peridot’s very first episode! Apparantly steven accidentally caused them to target his friends, cos he talked about them once and homeworld was receiving peridot’s logs back then. And the whole ‘are you my dad’ thing was just because they literally thought greg’s name was ‘my dad’. * Topaz using the captured friends as shields against the heroes = further proof that topaz is more smart than her jerk boss gives her credit for. But also a total dick move, yo! It was funny having the callback to jamie’s crush on garnet tho * same as I said with Navy-ruby, I LOVE that we’re getting more actually detestable villains to root for our heroes to defeat and all. the show was slowing down for a bit when we didnt have any villains or any threats left for like half a whole season. Aquamarine is SO SCARY! ‘they didnt specify the humans have to be alive~ hee hee~’ Yes I am 100% for cliche ‘innocent’ looking characters being evil villains, now can we please have the cliche ‘barbarian mook’ ones be good guys too. PLEASE GIV ME TOPAZ REDEMPTION. I dont know why i want this so much when she’s only been onscreen for 4 dialogueless minutes!!! * okay she’s kinda gonna crush jamie’s skull in the palm of her hand but im still gonna hope for dat redemption yo *STUBBORN TIL THE DAY I DIE* *PROBABLY BY ALSO BEING CRUSHED BY TOPAZ* *BUT WHATEVER* * I cant believe ‘her body is so thicc’ was actually said. Wonder how long until people take that out of context, lol? * I love that the bigger threat than topaz is apparantly jamie’s poetry about being killed by topaz. HURRY UP STEVEN!! * LARS U PIECE OF SHIT! can we just fuckin kill him off already? i’ve had SO much patience for this guy, I just hate how they keep cockteasing us with him learning a lesson or being sympathetic in some way and then keep taking it back and making him EVEN WORSE. Now he’s literally running off and leaving sadie to die! JUST STOP, SHOW. Or at least stop giving him so much screentime if NOTHING IS EVER GONNA HAPPEN IN IT. I started off amoungst the people who thought he was potentially redeemable, yo! >_< * Okay, very good cliffhanger that everyone else escapes but they take steven back to homeworld. Again. Well, hopefully this time will be quite different to the zoo episode? Also it seems lars running away was just a plot device to get lars stuck on the ship too in the end, which *UGH* means he’ll probably get more screentime next episode :P fuckin hell ive given up all hope you’re gonna make him an interesting, fully rounded character ever :P * still hoping for topaz redemption arc * seriously kill lars and bring her back in his place * or just give me a whole episode of topaz slapping him til he becomes a better person * same for aquamarine * everything is solved by topaz’s backhand