#i changed my mind i'd rather share the story

[taylor-titmouse]

"Kenta?"

"Hm?"

He turned toward the sound of Taki's voice, sitting beside him in the old shrine. A sudden spring rain fell in sheets through the open doors, and pelted the roof. The pair of them were safe and mostly dry, between Taki's mastery over the water, and the care of the small, shy spirit housed within. Though the roof leaked, none of it landed on its guests.

Kenta felt light fingertips graze his forehead and push the hair from his eyes. He'd let it grow too long, but it so rarely bothered him anyway.

"Why have you never asked me to grant you sight?" Taki asked, rather suddenly. "I am a god. I could do it any time, if you only asked."

Kenta was taken aback. He tilted his head. "Why should I ask you to do that?"

"Why? So you could see! So you could see me, and the world, and everything! Why shouldn't you ask me to do it?" Taki replied. He added, somewhat abashed: "That is why I asked. Why haven't you?"

Kenta turned forward again, to the cool air of the doors. It was morning. The smell of wet grass filled the air, and the mist of rain kissed his skin and clung to his hair. He listened to the para-para of water on the roof, and the shifting of Taki's robes, and his breath. He felt the physicality of his presence as an extension of his own body, sitting as close as they were, and there was that ever present something about Taki that set him apart from men, that could draw Kenta to him through any crowded street.

He reached for Taki's chest, and traced his way up to his neck, and his cheek. Taki leaned against his touch, warm and alive and soft.

"I don't know. I've never thought to," said Kenta. "Why don't you ask me again, fifty years from now? I should have an answer for you then."

[divinesangel]

— 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞

pm me for a personal reading!

— 𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐚 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞!

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏

my dearest,

as i write this letter to you, my heart is filled with excitement and anticipation for the life we will share together. every word i write comes from a place of genuine affection and admiration. there's nothing i would love more than to shower you with my affection in love, the love that i've been saving to myself for many years now. i've been waiting for you for such a long time and i still am. i can't wait for the day that we get to do endless things together, visit, many places, and do many things together. you inspire me to grow and to expand myself in ways i haven't been able to before. i'm quite eager to see our future together unfolding in abundance and prosperity. i'm pretty sure we will build a life filled with stability, harmony, and security, which is more than i could ever ask for. i will protect our connection and our home will be like a sanctuary, a place where love and joy will be present, and where we will be able to create our own family.

you need to know that i will always stick by you through thick and thin, to support you in anything that you need, in your endeavors and your dreams, and to always work to make our connection happen and for our future family to thrive. i'm pretty sure that we will be able to any storm that comes our way. although sometimes i'd rather keep the bad news to myself so you don't have to experience any negativity, i promise to always communicate with you and show you my commitment to honesty and transparency, even when the truth may be difficult to face.

i will always cherish you and take care of you. my love for you knows no bounds, and i am thankful for every moment we share. your happiness is my greatest priority, and i will do everything in my power to ensure that you feel loved, cherished, and appreciated each and every day. with you as my partner, i know that anything is possible.

until we meet again, know that you hold my heart in your hands, now and forever.

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐

my love,

my heart overflows with warmth and anticipation for the journey that lies ahead of us. it's as if fate itself has brought us together and knew that we were always meant to be together. even if we haven't met yet, i just know that our connection will be instant as i feel the sparks even now. it's all gonna be magical, reminding me that our story is guided by something greater than ourselves. i'm impatient for the day we will get to experience that. my soul fell for you the moment it entered my body.

every time i think of you, my mind drifts back to the innocence and purity of childhood, like the sweet nostalgia. you remind me of something sweet, although distant. it's probably due to our souls knowing each other for lifetimes, finding solace and comfort in the familiarity of our bond.

my greatest desire is to see you happy, to witness the glow of joy radiating from your being and being there by your side to see you overflow with happiness; being there for you every time you need me. i know you'll be there for me as well, and it such a comfort for my heart. hand in hand, we can make anything possible.

with all my love, your future spouse

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑

my most precious,

i find myself grappling with the complexities of life, feeling torn between the various paths laid out before me. there are moments when i question whether i am truly ready for what lies ahead, whether i possess the strength and clarity to navigate the challenges that await. the truth is, my love, there are aspects of my life that i am still coming to terms with, aspects that fill me with uncertainty and doubt. i am confronted with decisions that demand my attention, choices that require me to confront my deepest fears and desires.

but then, amidst the chaos of my mind, there is you. with you, my love, everything changes. in your presence, i find a sense of peace and clarity that i have never known before. it's as if the weight of the world is lifted from my shoulders, and suddenly, everything feels possible. you have this remarkable way of making me feel like everything will be alright. your unwavering faith in me, your boundless love and support—it fills me with a sense of courage and conviction that i never knew i possessed.

there are many things i'd like to talk to you about that have to do with how i've been feeling. things that i've never dared to tell anyone else out of fear they might not get it as well as you will. i've experienced dark times in the past that i'm trying to come into terms with, and i will tell you all about it.

it's as if you are my guiding light, leading me through the darkness and showing me the way forward. yes, there may still be moments of doubt and uncertainty, but with you, my love, i know that i am not alone. with you, i feel as though i can face whatever the future may hold with courage and grace.

yours always, x

𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭

hi! it's daphne here.

i'm currently offering personal readings for €5 ($5.43) so don't hesitate to send me a private message if you're interested!

thank you for being here!

[cordeliawhohung]

Real Talk.

Hi. I wish I had good news, but I don't. This is going to get very venty and probably triggering, so I apologize in advance, but I don't want to just vanish.

I've made the decision to private pretty much everything on my account here on tumblr, and I am heavily fighting the urge to delete everything off of my AO3. I realize that I'm sort of self destructing, in a way, and I'm trying very hard not to just toss everything into the void lest I come to regret it later, but here we are.

Things in my IRL have not been great, and they haven't been good for a long while. I started up this blog a little over a year ago at the crux of my depression, fighting off extreme suicidal ideation and untreated PTSD. On top of that, I had to support my mother through marrying her abuser and watching her slowly lose herself while I helped assisted in taking care of my kid brother, and helped my other brothers through their battles with addiction. Like everyone else in the world, I've had a lot on my plate. So much so to the point that my anxiety and stress is making me sick.

For the first time in a very long time, I had picked up writing again and found it to be a wonderful outlet to really get my feelings out in a safe way. It was so freeing being able to be in control of everything, and explore the very real and scary emotions that people have otherwise wanted me to snuff out. I wish I could snuff it out. I have had no choice but to feel everything I wish I could run away from, but at least this way I was the one dictating everything. Even through the pain and the last few months of pure disassociation, this was mine.

Now, I hate it. I hate it all. I can hardly stand looking at these stories or anything I write.

I am not going to share names; and please do not go looking for this person or harass them as I'd quite frankly rather kill myself than have another glimimp situation and would probably just actually delete all my works; but something that really kicked this up was someone plagiarizing one of my works. While not exactly copy and pasted, I could compare pretty much every line they wrote to my own work. I do not mind people taking inspiration from my works, but the fact someone took it upon themselves to essentially create a "fix-it-fic" of my work was honestly the last straw for me, I think. And to just regurgitate half of what I had written like some high schooler summarizing a story?

"Kore, did you try talking to them?" The idea of confrontation actually makes me want to throw up and considering the actual issues I have going on in my real life, I don't see how it's worth getting up in arms over fanfiction. Believe it or not, I'm not really good with words, and I end up making a fool of myself and coming off way different than I intend to half the time (blame the autism I guess). And I know for a fact that it won't change the fact that I still hate it. My works. Everything I write. I want it gone. I want to purge it.

I hate The Prowl and TMTIV. I can't see myself writing for them anymore. I've tried. I had to force out the last chapter of The Prowl only to just not even be able to edit it. (Yeah when that anon sent me that ask about The Prowl? "When are you updating it next?" I literally had the rough draft finished when they sent that and was trying to edit it, and now I don't even want to look at it anymore).

And this sucks because I really do enjoy sharing my stories with you guys, but it's just not fun anymore. And if it's not fun, then why do I keep doing it? And I feel bad, especially to my patreon supporters because I definitely didn't deserve the support when I started that up, and I certainly don't deserve it anymore, but I really need to step away. For a good, long while.

I don't like dealing in certainties, which is why I'm privating everything on here rather than deleting my blog, because maybe one day I'll come back and continue. But right now it's really not healthy for me. This place has grown to become so toxic. I think I'll start focusing on original works instead. Ones I may or may not post to Patreon just... depending, I guess. Writing is still so lovely and I don't want to lose it, but I certainly can't keep it here for now.

I want to apologize to my followers, and my mutals. I cherish every kind message you all have sent to me. I appreciate how considerate you all are, and I'm sorry I don't have the energy to respond half the time. I've deleted tumblr off of my phone, so to the mutuals who want to keep in contact with me, feel free to ask for my discord or something. I'll try to get on to check tumblr every now and then for that.

In the end, I really hope this is just me having some stupid mental breakdown, and that this isn't a forever goodbye, but we'll see.

I'll hopefully be back someday (: if not, I'm sorry and I still love you.

[doctorbunny]

MILGRAM Hallucination Booklet Translation pt.1 (Yamanaka and DECO*27 Interview)

Context: This interview was from a booklet handed out at the MILGRAM Hallucination live show on the 21st January 2024 (if you want a copy you can buy it here) This translation was made possible by the generosity of @maxpawb sharing images of his booklet with me This translation is mostly my own, but @maristelina helped me with some sections. Now without further ado:

Q.01 Introduce Yourself. I'm Takuya Yamanaka. I'm the creator/planner/screenwriter for MILGRAM. I'm DECO*27. I work as the music producer for MILGRAM. I like Hatsune Miku.

Q.02 What reactions from the guards have been the most surprising so far? Yamanaka: There are a lot of guards that were born overseas, aren't there? Even though it's created with rather Japanese sensibilities, overseas audiences didn't seem to mind at all. Though the countries and sensibilities are different than what I anticipated, votes have become more multifaceted, it's very interesting, isn't it? DECO: To forgive or not forgive the prisoners what do you do, whether it goes as you expected or the result turns out to be quite the opposite, its fascinating. Maybe your nationality affects the kind of criteria you use to make judgements? I've been thinking about something like that.

Q.03 Is there anything you didn't imagine would happen at the start of the trial? Yamanaka: I didn't write it with a large overseas audience in mind, because from the start I wasn't worrying about popularity at all, I simply didn't think I'd be watching over so many guards. Milgram was developed as a more underground project, but it's popularity is a good surprise, isn't it. DECO: There were more people who got into MILGRAM without already caring about my music than I imagined, it was surprising. I feel like MILGRAM has spread further beyond than what I thought it would. I'm very grateful!

Q.04 So far, what's made you the happiest? Yamanaka: Everything. As a creator it brings me great joy to see a work that existed in my mind, take shape and be enjoyed by so many people. Other than that, because I also love the characters I've birthed, seeing all the guards talking about them and sharing their thoughts, both positive and negative, has to be the best feeling. DECO: It makes me happy to see lots of people analysing the meanings I put in my songs! The theories get pretty close to the truth too, I think... the power of all the guards is really cool.

Q.05 So far, what has been the most challenging? Yamanaka: Because I have to change the script in accordance with the audience's decisions, I can't create the entire story in advance. Furthermore, as of the second trial, there aren't only individual character storylines, the prisoner's verdicts begin to emerge and they influence each other. That is to say, I can't start writing until after everyone's results are out. Willingly subjecting myself to doing something this unreasonable, is what I feel is difficult for me. But because DECO*27 is also going through the same hell, we're holding on to some semblance of sanity. DECO: The story changes in accordance to all the guards' choices, and the music has to be written to match. I think this is harder for Yamanaka-P, who writes the script, than it is for me... But though its tough, I feel its really worthwhile, It makes me really happy to be able to communicate with everyone through my songs!

Q.06 Do you have any regrets like "I wish I had done it differently back then!"? Yamanaka: I've thought it over quite carefully, but there's nothing in particular. I think everyone involved in the project is giving it their all and its a really passionate environment. DECO: Nope! I've been able to put all the things I've thought of into my songs.

Q.07 Which prisoners are the easiest to write dialogue/music for? Yamanaka: If I had to pick one, it'd be Fuuta. He's the type of person that's pretty easy to write because his brain never shuts up. Other than him, Yuno and Shidou are relatively academic kids in theory, so they're easy to write because they're very clear when it comes to what they want to convey. [TL note just because its funny, the idiom Yamanaka uses is lit. "There is barking in the inside [of Fuuta's] head] DECO: It went smoothly for all of them!

Q.08 Which prisoners are the most fun to write dialogue/music for? Yamanaka: Muu's lines were the very fun to write~. I'm fascinated by her approach to life and can't help but envy how fun it must be to behave like that. Yuno and Amane are my runners up. I enjoy writing the kinds of characters who plainly state their ideas and speak eloquently. DECO: Mahiru! From the start writing about the relationships between men and women has been what you might call my forte, its enjoyable to make. I feel like this is also why I find Yuno easy to write for.

Q.09 Which prisoners are the hardest to write dialogue/music for? Yamanaka: Overwhelmingly, Haruka's dialogue takes me the longest to write. I have to use the parts of my brain that I wouldn't normally use to figure out how to not just directly convey what he wants to say. DECO: None of them!

Q.10 What's your favourite combination of characters? Yamanaka: Amane and Shidou. They're on completely different wavelengths about everything, and the best part is that there's no getting around it. My second pick might go to Yuno and Muu. They don't get along at all so their fights are never just superficial squabbling. DECO: I always like the interactions between Es and the prisoners. I'm liking how over the course of the voice drama interrogations, Es seems to be gradually coming to understand the prisoner's humanity. Especially Es + Mahiru!

Q.11 Do you want to be friends with any of the prisoners? Yamanaka: Shidou and Kazui. I like the idea of being friends with professional people. I think that people who choose to go into something specialized, its clear they have a kind of resolve and that's charming, isn't it? DECO: Yuno! I feel like she'd be easy to talk to. She seems like she's used to friends who maintain a good distance from each other. [note: while 'good' here can mean a fair amount of distance, in Japanese relationships the concept of boundaries is also built into the idea of distance, so in English you might talk about someone who is a close friend but still has good boundaries, but in Japanese this is someone who has the 'right amount'/ちょうどいい of distance from you, so this could mean Yuno doesn't have any close friends or that Yuno is just a good friend because she isn't going to turn up to your house unexpectedly and eat all the food in your fridge]

Q.12 Do you want to date any of the prisoners? Yamanaka: I love all of my characters a lot, but, well... how should I say it... I don't think I would date any of them. [TL note: I had to shift the wording to be more natural in English but the Japanese Q is more like 'which prisoner would you want to be your boy/girlfriend?' curse english for not having an exact equivalent to koibito, so Yamanaka's answer is more like 'I think would break up with all of them' its a nominal difference but my friend said to mention it bc its funny] DECO: I'm sorry.

Q.13 What's your favourite line/phrase? Yamanaka:

[Scene from Muu's first voice drama Crying B, TL taken from MILGRAMMER]

Es: Judging from your facial features, are you what they call “half-Japanese”? [lit. haafu/Half] Muu: Yeah… I’m biracial. [lit. daburu/Double]

It would have to be that wouldn't it? I got goosebumps when I wrote it it. DECO:

"It's not my fault"

I think that single phrase was able to represent Muu's character really well, if I do say so myself.

Q.14 Are there any prisoners that you think its good they're in MILGRAM? Yamanaka: All of them. Without these 10 people, this Milgram would be a complete failure. DECO: Without these 10 people, MILGRAM wouldn't exist!

Q.15 Is there anything the guards aren't aware of yet? Yamanaka: Of course, there may be some minor details, but I don't think there are any major points missing. The mysteries have already disseminated, I feel the full picture will be clearly revealed if the theories and wild speculations, which have been shared around the world, come together. As expected. DECO: There are! I hope you look forward to the gimmicks I wanted to put in my songs that will come out in the third trial!

Q.16 Is there anything you haven't been able to do up to now, but you want to try doing after this? Yamanaka: I want to do a stageplay. Every performance would be a different story set in Milgram. If anyone reading this is involved with stage productions, please contact me. [I can't find it now but I swear a while ago Yamanaka tweeted something similar like "I'm interested in doing stage adaptations of Caligula Effect or MILGRAM, if anyone is involved with stage production please contact me" I hope he does it, a MILGRAM stage play would be awesome] DECO: Fortunately, I'm already doing everything I want to do! Writing the trial 3 songs couldn't be more fun.

Q.17 Represent "MILGRAM" in one word. Yamanaka: 『人』 "People" DECO: 『噓』 "Lies" [This one is both simple and interesting so as a preview I'll share how akka and DMYM answered] akka: 『幻』 "Illusions" DMYM: 『信』 "Faith"

Q.18 Give a brief comment about the future of "MILGRAM". Yamanaka: There have already been plot developments that I personally wish I didn't have to write. The guards have all chosen a very intense path. It's frightening. I've also been ready to obey these choices since the start of MILGRAM, so I think we all should enjoy this story that can only be told once together. DECO: I've already started writing the prisoner's songs. It's hell. Please prepare yourselves. Q.19 A message for the guards. Yamanaka: Thank you for always looking after the prisoners. Milgram is a work that involves the participation of everyone, including yourself. The thoughts you had, the actions you took, the joy, and resentment you felt towards this prison, all this became a part of Milgram too. I would like you all to please live healthily in your realities alongside Milgram. DECO: Thank you for your hard work as guards. Although MILGRAM is full of troublemakers, we would be grateful if you could continue to watch over us for a long time to come. We will do our best to meet your expectations.

[A link to part 2 will be posted here when its ready]

(Japanese transcript under the cut)

Q.01 自己紹介を。 山中拓也です。 ミルグラムでは企画・原作・脚本をしています。 DECO*27です。 MILGRAMのサウンドプロデ��ーサーを務めています。 初音ミクが好きです。

Q.02 これまでの看守たちからの反応で驚いたことは？ Yamanaka: 海外にもたくさんの看守が生まれるていったことですね。とっても日本的な感性で創っているので、海外ウケとかきにしていませんでした。やはり国が違うと感性も違うものだと思うので、より多面的な投票がされて、とても面白いですね。 DECO: 囚人が赦すor 赦さないのどっちになるか、と自分で予想していたりもしたのですが、結構それが逆の結果になっていることがあって興味深ったです。もしかして国民性で判断基準が違ってくるのかな？とか考えたりしました。

Q.03 審判開始時点では思い描いていなかったことはあるか？ Yamanaka: 海外ウケ気にしたことないと書きましたが、そもそもウケ自体あまり気にしていなかったので、シンプルにこんなにたくさんの看守の方に見守っていただけるコンテンツになるとは思っていませんでした。もっと、アンダーグラウンドで展開するつもりだったんですが、嬉しい悲鳴ですね。 DECO: 想像以上にDECO*27を知らない方にもMILGRAMを観てもらえたことに驚きました。自分の思っていた以上にMILGRAMが広がったなと感じています。ありがとうございます！

Q.04 これまでで一番嬉しかったことは？ Yamanaka: 全部です。自分の脳内にしかなかった作品が、形になり、たくさんの人に楽しんでもらえること自体がクリエイターとしては大きな喜ぶです。あとはやはり僕は自分が産んだ登場人物のことが大好きなので、プラスでもマイナスでも看守の皆様が彼らについて語って、想いをぶつけてくれいることが最高に嬉しいです。 DECO: たくさんの方に自分が音楽に込めた意味考察してもらえた嬉しいです！かなり正解に近い考察もあって、看守の皆さんのパワーすごいな…と思っています。

Q.05 これまでで一番大変だったことは？ Yamanaka: ユーザーの選択によって、シナリオを変更をするので、あらかじめ制作することができないということです。しかも二審からは個人のストーリーラインだけでなく、他の囚人の結果による影響も出てくる。ということは全員の結果出てからじゃないと制作できないということです。そんな無茶を勝手に自分でやりはじめて、勝手に自分で大変な思いをしています。同じ地獄をDECO27も味わっているので、なんとか正気を保っています。 DECO: 看守の皆さんの選択に応じてストーリー変化し、それに合うように音楽を書くことです。これは僕よりもシナリオを書く山中Pのほうが大変だろうな…と思います���…大変ではありますがとてもやりがいをかんじていますし、曲を通じて皆さんとコミュニケーションが取れていることが嬉しいです！

Q.06　「今思えばやっておけばよかった！」のような後悔はあるか？ Yamanaka: よくよく考えてみたんですが、特に無いです。制作に関わる全員がベストを尽くしてくれているとてもアツい現場だと思います。 DECO: ないです！思いついたことはすべて楽曲で出力できています。

Q.07 シナリオや音楽の制作がスムーズな囚人は？ Yamanaka: 一人あげるとすればフータでしょうか。頭の中でわんわん言ってるので、かなり書きやすいタイプです。あとはユノや、シドウあたりの比較的理論的で偏差値高めな子たちは何が伝えたいかが明確なので書きやすいです。 DECO: みんなすんなりでした！

Q.08 シナリオや音楽の制作が一番楽しい囚人は？ Yamanaka: セリフを書いていて一番楽しいのはムウですかねぇ~。こんなふうにふるまえたち人生楽しいだろうという憧れすあります。次点でユノやアマネでしょうか。思想がはっきりしてて、弁の立つタイプは書くのが楽しいです。 DECO: マヒルです！自分が元々男女間の関係性を描くのが得意ということもあって、楽しく制作しています。そういった意味ではユノも書きやすいなと感じます。

Q.09 シナリオや音楽の制作に苦労する囚人は？ Yamanaka: 圧倒的にセリフを書くのに時間がかかるのはハルカです。彼が伝えたいことを、伝わらないようにする調整に普段は使わない脳を使います。 DECO: いないです！

Q.10 お気に入りの組み合わせはあるか？ Yamanaka: アマネとシドウ。すべての要素が噛み合わなさすぎて、どうしようもないところが良いです。次点でユノとムウかもです。表面的なケンカにならないだけでかなり気が合わないので。 DECO: エス対囚人の絡みは須く好きです。ボイスドラマの尋問によって段々とエスが囚人の人間性を掴んでいく様が気に入っています。特にエス＋マヒル！

Q.11 囚人を友達にするなら誰か？ Yamanaka: シドウとカズイ。友達にいてほしい職業の人たちです。なにかのスペシャリストを選択する人たちというのは、何かしらの覚悟が決まっている人だと思うのでそれだけで魅力的ですね。 DECO: ユノです！話していて気楽そうだなと感じます。お互い良い距離感を保てる友達になれそう。

Q.12 囚人を恋人にするなら誰か？ Yamanaka: 僕は登場人物のことを全員最高に愛してますが、まぁ、なんというか、全員やめとこうと思います。 DECO: ごめんなさい。

Q.13 お気に入りのセルフやフレーズは？ Yamanaka: 「その顔立ち、ハーフというやつか？」「うん...…ダブル」ですね。書いてて鳥肌でした。 DECO: 「悪くないもん」 1フレーズでムウのキャラクターを上手に表現できたなと我ながら思っています。

Q.14 ミルグラムにいてくれてよかった、と思う囚人は？ Yamanaka: 全員です。この10人でなければ、このミルグラムになっていないので。 DECO: MILGRAMはこの10人がいなければ成立しません！

Q.15 看守たちにまだ感づかれていないことはあるか？ Yamanaka: もちろん、些末な部分はあるかと思いますが、大きいところだとないんじゃないですかねぇ。既に問題はバラまいたし、世界中に発信された考察や妄想を組み合わせたらきっちり全貌が明らかになる気がします。さすがです。 DECO: あります！第三審で僕が楽曲を通じてやりたかったギミックが出てくるので楽しみにしていてください！

Q.16 今できていないが、今後やってみたいことはあるか？ Yamanaka: 舞台がやりたいです。毎公演、コンセプトの異なるミルグラムで行われる舞台。舞台制作に関わる方が、読んでおられましたら是非山中まで。 DECO: 有り難いことに、やりたいことは全部やれています！第三審の曲を書くのが楽しくてしょうがないです。

Q.17 「ミルグラム」を一文字で表せ。 Yamanaka: 『人』 DECO: 『噓』

Q.18 今後の「ミルグラム」について一言。 Yamanaka: 既に僕が個人的には書かないでいたかった展開が確定しています。看守の皆さんなかなか強烈な道筋を選びました。恐ろしい。自分もその選択に従う覚悟をしてミルグラムをスタートしているので、一度きりの物語を皆さんと一緒に楽しもうと思います。 DECO: 既に楽曲を書き始めている囚人もいます。地獄です。覚悟しててください。

Q.19 看守たちへメッセージを。 Yamanaka: いつも囚人たちのことを世話してくださってありがとうございます。ミルグラムとは、参加する皆さん自身を含めてミルグラムという作品です。この監獄に対して感じた思い、起こした行動、喜び、 憤り 、それらすべてが作品の一部になります。是非ミルグラムと共にある皆さんの現実を健やかに生きてくださいませ。 DECO: いつも看守としてのお勤めご苦労さまです。曲者ばかりのMILGRAMですが、これからも末永く見守っていただけると幸いです。期待に応えられるよう、尽力してまいります。

[sweet-s0rr0w]

Vintage Drarry Fics

Thought I'd put together a list of some of the old Drarry 'classics' of my teenage years, for anyone interested. All posted between 2001-2006, compiled using my (bad) memory, a lot of googling, fanlore.org and numerous different LJ rec accounts (including the incredible @capiturecs). I checked as best I could, but if anyone knows of any fics that their author doesn't want to be shared, please let me know and I will of course remove.

Please also note that these fics are of their era, when attitudes may have been different, and they may not all be grammatically perfect. I haven't reread all, as my own tastes have changed, but most importantly do note that they may not be tagged - don't blame me when, for example, Harry dies tragically on a rooftop at sunrise...

Hogwarts Era (mostly 5th-7th year)

A Thousand Beautiful Things by Duinn Fionn/geoviki (M, 105k)

Draco Malfoy struggles with changed fortunes, shifted alliances, an ugly war, and an unusual spell, with the help of a concerned professor, an insightful house-elf, and an unexpected Gryffindor friend.

All Bets Are Off by Allegra (R, 53k)

I am SICK of Good-little-innocent!Harry...Enter Playboy!Harry and his Overinflated Ego, a challenge, a bet, a couple of Really Cunning Plans - and there you have it, "Forty days and forty nights", Hogwarts style. Mayhem ensues! 

Angels and Devils by beren (E, 52k)

Harry defeated Voldemort and his act of heroism is famous throughout the wizarding world. He's trying to finish his final year at Hogwarts in peace, but, thanks to the method he chose to destroy The Dark Lord, something peculiar is happening to him, something he never would have expected. It's all rather embarrassing and making his life very complicated.

Artful Facade by Sky Sorceress (T, 66k)

Sometimes you fly too close to the sun and lose your wings. With sixth year approaching, the danger Harry seeks can be found only in the form of Draco Malfoy. What follows is a twist in the line between hatred, love, and need.

Beautiful World by Cinnamon/Lissadiane (M, 70k)

Harry finds out he's going to die on his 16th birthday. He embarks on a journey of self-destructive behaviour and drags Draco along for the ride. 

Beneath You by Cinnamon/Lissadiane (M, 113k)

Draco had no idea that the repercussions of stealing Potter's journal and shoving it down the back of his trousers would be so extreme.

Bond by AnnaFugazzi (M, 173k)

It seems 95% of H/D writers feel compelled to write a "Harry And Draco Are Forced To Be Together By Something Beyond Their Control And Then Unlikely Stuff Happens That Leads To Twoo Wuv" story. Count me among the 95% ;)

Checkmate by Naadi Moonfeather (T, 245k)

Draco has the perfect plan to get Harry Potter and challenges him to a game of Dare Chess. But is it love, or betrayal, he has in mind?

The Cicatrix Cycle by Ivy Blossom (NC-17, long!)

Three parts: Origins, Haven, Belong

Draco In Darkness by Plumeria (T, 41k)

Following an accident in his seventh year, Draco loses his eyesight. After Harry elbows his way into Draco's dark world, both boys find themselves in a strange new friendship, and they each learn new ways to see each other … and themselves.

Eclipse by PhoenixSong/Mijan (T, 287k)

"You're dead, Potter... I'm going to make you pay..." Draco swore his revenge on Harry for Lucius's imprisonment, and Harry all but laughed at him. But Draco is planning more than schoolyard pranks this time. The old rivalry turns deadly when Draco abducts Harry for Voldemort. It's the perfect plan, guaranteeing revenge, power, and prestige, all in one blow. But, when Draco's world turns upside down, the fight to save himself and Harry begins, and the battle will take them both through hell and back. If they come back. 

Friend Like Me by Lady Vader (M, 11k)

Draco's rendition of the love story that never was.

How Harry Potter Got His Groove Back by Durendal/Eleveninches (R, 12k)

Snape tries to hang himself, Draco enters an alternate reality, and Harry Gets a Clue. Humor, SLASH, naughty language, and other Evil Things. Harry/Draco, Snape/James/Lucius.

Irresistible Poison by Rhysenn (PG-13, 124k)

Under the influence of a love potion, Draco learns that poison doesn't always bring death -- there are other ways to suffer and live. Chemical emotion runs feverish as Harry and Draco discover the intoxication of love.

Lettered by pir8fancier (M, 7.8k)

Harry has a secret penpal, whose identity is as plain as the nose on his face. Except he's not wearing his glasses.

Love Under Will by Aja (R, 116k)

In their 5th year, Harry and Draco choose to be with one another; but the story--and the battle-- is just beginning...

playing the game, living the lie by Abaddon (R, 159k)

Set in Sixth Year, both the wizarding and Muggle worlds are threatened as Voldemort plans a final revenge. Past, present and future collide as all must consider where their loyalties lie; who they are, and who they want to be. Amidst it all, Harry and Draco begin a dangerous journey of understanding. Is it possible to leave everything you thought you were behind?

Resolution by Frances Potter (R, 322k)

When you've spent six years fighting evil, all you really want is a quiet time. But when your name is Harry Potter the chances of that are very slim. A series of vignettes chronicling Harry's final six months at Hogwarts. Exams, friends, lovers, Quidditch, the war and Draco all conspire to make the year end seem a very long way away.

Seamus is Seamus and You are Yourself by Ari Munami (PG-13, 31k)

Harry goes through some er... changes in his Sixth Year and everyone, including Draco Malfoy, sits up and takes notice.

Snakes and Lions by GatewayGirl (M, 139k)

When Ron and Hermione get together, they notice only each other. A nightmare prompts Harry to return alone to the empty Chamber of Secrets, and leads to a new look at an old enemy. Harry enjoys the company, but with Bellatrix Lestrange actively hunting him, how far can he trust a Death Eater's son?

Something Impossible by epicylical/Cassandra Claire (PG, 6.4k)

As punishment for an act of vandalism, Draco is forced to perform three tasks to win Harry's forgiveness - only they don't turn out to be exactly the kind of tasks he'd been expecting. With wet shirtless Draco, paint-covered Harry, and Proust-reading Goyle.

Transformation by amalin (E, 98k)

In Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts, he must face the consequences of the attack on the Department of Mysteries and the effects of Voldemort's return. And in doing so, he finds that even your enemies can teach you valuable lessons—about the world, and about yourself.

Walking the Line by SilentAuror (E, 179k)

Sixth year is over and Draco Malfoy is on the run. The war is on and an unwanted assignment is forced upon him by the only people he trusts - and a one-time arch-enemy just may be out to kill him.

Post-Hogwarts

Adagio in G Minor by furiosity (NC-17, 18k)

Seven years after Hogwarts and the war, life continues in the wizarding world. Draco Malfoy is rich, bored, and slightly jaded. Harry Potter is famous, busy, and somewhat disillusioned. They've not seen each other since school ended. What would happen if they were to cross paths again? What if it involved music?

Big Dick, Come Quick [PDF] by Calanthe (NC-17, 204k)

Draco’s got a theory. About sex. And after much searching for the right candidate, it appears that only Harry Potter, his life long enemy, can help him test it out.

Draco's Escort Service by Cheryl Dyson/dysonrules (15, 12k)

Draco's job is to escort travelers through the dangerous, war-torn countryside. Harry Potter is forced to hire him, but his destination isn't quite what Draco expected.

Left My Heart by Emma Grant (E, 85k)

Auror Draco Malfoy has disappeared, and Harry Potter has been sent to San Francisco to find him. 

Malfoy, P.I. by Nancy (R, 60k)

"I'm Draco Malfoy, private investigator. I've seen a lot--I mean a lot, and I'm like sweet seventeen a lot. I thought I'd seen it all, until a pair of green eyes stepped into my office." A noir AU set in L.A. where passion and magic collide. Slashy and sexy.

Queen of Hearts by scoradh (E, 65k)

A spectre is haunting Harry - the responsibility of his destiny. It looms over his future and, more importantly, over the future of his friends. Harry is determined to exorcise this spectre for the greater good, but on the way, he enters into a few unholy alliances.

Tissue of Silver by fearlessdiva (R, 76k)

A love story concerning possessed furniture, black silk pyjamas, courtroom drama, premonitions of doom, assassination attempts, Death Eater yoga, absinthe, bare feet and a sensible werewolf.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by November Snowflake (M, 58k)

When the long-missing Draco Malfoy turns up at a Ministry field hospital with amnesia, bitter Auror Harry Potter must confront the shadows of their shared past to shed light on a potentially deadly mystery.

Transfigurations by Resonant (E, 71k)

Five years after Voldemort's defeat, Harry returns to England to help re-open Hogwarts.

[evertidings]

Hello! I'm thinking of starting an IF story later this year, and am completely new to coding and how to organise a chose-your-own-adventure. I was wondering whether you could share how you organise each route/the story of WTS, please. Love your work!

hi!! if you're overwhelmed by formatting and you're writing in twine, i'd actually recommend writing directly in the twine app. it has a great mind-map aesthetic that can help you visualize things.

but if you're curious as to how i write, i've attached some screenshots below. i believe i've talked about this before, but i'll go over it again because why not?

example #1: sections

one of the most important steps for me when organizing a document is having headers. it allows me to jump from section to section, rather than scrolling through for ages trying to find something. it also helps me break the chapter into smaller sections, which makes things less overwhelming for me.

example #2: choices.

in terms of the document itself, i make sure to differentiate texts with various colours to make things easier on the eyes. i also make sure they are visually different. for example, in chapter ten, i wrote my choices in a purple colour and indented them slightly. i also write each line with bullet points, just so i know the text that follows is part of that choice and not general text.

example #3: if statements.

similar to my choices, i colour my "if statements" in a different colour than the general text. i also indent them further than the choices and change the bullet point that it's written on, just so i can further differentiate the two. for those who don't know, if statements act like flavour text, which show up only if you've completed or met a certain requirement prior to the scene. in the picture below, the flavour text reveals itself if you've been rude to Blane seven times or more. otherwise, you get the general text.

overall: aside from those two formatting decisions, my word document is really standard. luckily, i'm able to keep track of a my branches in my head, so this system works for me, but it goes without saying that it won't be for everyone. as i said at the beginning of the post, if you're more visual, twine (or some sort of mindmap tool) might be useful. hopefully this is (slightly) helpful. if anyone has more questions on this, please let me know! i'm always happy to answer them :)))

p.s. if anyone is confused about all the "<" and ">" symbols, that's just part of my twine coding. i usually copy and paste what i write in word into my code, so this just saves me from typing it.

[zexapher]

Weiss: You know… I’ve been thinking back to when you asked me to the dance.

Jaune: You – ah, you have? I’m sorry if I was a bit… much, back then.

Weiss: Don’t worry, you weren’t so bad. It certainly frustrated me to no end back then, but now it seems cute. Something personal, and heartfelt. I had all these ideas in my head and, well…

Jaune: I shouldn’t have kept at it like that.

Weiss: No, but now things are different. Things have changed – we have changed. And I wouldn’t mind you trying your hand at another serenade.

Jaune: Really?

Weiss: You know I like music. And I have a collection of instruments back home. Perhaps we could put on our own little duet. You can… you can grab one of the guitars, finger a few of my strings.

Thought I'd share a little excerpt from the fanfic I published today, titled "Pastry Pandemonium." I threw a chunk of innuendo in, but that last line is about the most risqué it's gonna get. But I know what the people want, so I added a little arm in arm hand-holding action. You animals!

It's really all fluff and humor for a White Knight date night set in Mantle. 2k+ words, so it's a quick read. I figured it rates K+ on FF.net, so PG if you want to be careful. Originally planned to just make it as another edit, but then I got rather taken with the idea and turned it into a nice little story. I'll come back around to make that edit eventually.

Anyway, here are the links if you're interested in reading:

FF.Net

AO3

[friendlybowlofsoup]

Another Update

Hello Friends,

I have a rather long (but optimistic!) update to share with you all today. As many of you are probably tired of reading these kind of posts, I have a TL;DR here, but I did want to share what has been on my mind in that past half-year that I haven't been here.

It has been rough, and busy as always, but I think I'm finally facing myself and my project for the first time in a very long time.

TL;DR (it's actually long, I have a lot to say (*_ _)人)

I soul-searched and decided to stop compromising on my own feelings with regards to this project. I gave in to everything I wanted to do.

Plot changes, which means some character changes, which means some of the demo is outdated.

GotRM will be switching over to Twine.

----

OH MAN DID I SUFFER THE LAST FEW MONTHS

After my previous update, I hunkered down and really analyzed how I wanted to proceed with GotRM as a project. Because even prior to that post, I had already been going through long periods of hiatuses (which you are all aware of), and while I didn't lie about school taking up my time, I was also harboring a growing dissatisfaction with my own writing that really killed my progress for a long time.

So after everything had settled, I sat down and forced myself to peel apart my work. I know I said I would answer asks, but I uninstalled all of my social media and put aside this blog to focus. I made a note of all the things I liked and didn't like, and I made a list of things I wanted to change or improve on. The biggest point was that I also looked at my efficiency during actual writing sessions: how much of my time was spent writing vs. fighting with code? How could I change that?

And after a lot of deliberation, I figured there were a few things I had to change from the ground up, summed up in four points:

My working style was super incompatible with grad school. I can't spend 20-30 minutes scrolling up and down CSIDE checking code or looking for narratives while also jumping between chapters to make sure events line up. As this story grows, the more difficult it becomes to keep track of all the branches, so I needed an alternative working method, which I am adhering to now, and it prioritizes efficiency.

I hated the way I was tracking and coding stats in-game. I have griped so much about coding stats, and I have adhered to such a rigid style that I really felt trapped whenever I was confronted with balancing them out. So I'm throwing that to the wind and redoing how I utilize and convey them. Player-side, this decision doesn't change much since I never fully utilized stats in the demo anyway, and the stats page with indicators will still exist, but I'm getting rid of stat bars and how I treat stat checks.

The story I want to write now is different from the one I started out with. I've known for a while that GotRM was becoming far more than the tiny, wishful novella that I wrote as a teenager. I held onto that old story for a long time, but there's just so much I want to change that I realized I'd been clinging to a story I no longer enjoyed writing. So I spent the majority of the last few months rewriting GotRM from scratch. I redid some worldbuilding, I changed a lot of plot points, and I fixed a lot of characters' backstories accordingly. This meant scrapping stuff from even the demo, but that turned out to not be the biggest issue because:

I wanted to branch away from ChoiceScript. Honestly, I never really cared about getting officially published, but the camaraderie in the forums and on Tumblr were why I committed to CS and CoG. However, ultimately, I really want the functionality that other tools can offer GotRM, and so after a long internal debate, I will be switching over to Twine. Fortunately, since I was rewriting everything anyways, this has been relatively painless, and passage mapping has made everything so much neater. I am trying my best to make it up to chapter 2 before I release the new demo, so please look forwards to that!

And so yes, I am still here, chugging along.

I love this game and this story: it's been my creative escape for as long as I could remember, and you can imagine how frustrated I was when I realized I was starting to dread working on it.

I am forever learning more about myself and my writing style, and this is simply more of that journey. Thank you everyone for sticking around, for joining the discord, and for checking up on me--that I have all of you has truly been a dream.

Hopefully more updates to come soon! I understand that there may be questions about these new changes, so please ask away! I will (try) to release some asks that I've been working on in the drafts too, but I will wait until at least tomorrow to release them so that this post doesn't get drowned out immediately.

And as always, with a lot of love,

FriendlyBowlofSoup (Mei)

[wonuwrites]

We Can't Be Friends Song Reaction

Inspired by Ariana Grande's song: "We Can't Be Friends (Wait For Your Love)

Hyung Line Version. maknae line version

Warning: This is angsty and sad af, slight cursing, mentions alcohol, Seungcheol's is devastatingly fluffy, some suggestive things in Jeonghan's so minors dni.

A/N: using a song lyric as a prompt for each of the members. Decided to break this up from Hyung Line (Seungcheol - Jihoon) to Maknae Line (Seokmin - Chan). Keep an eye out for the Maknae Line part. The parts are written in order from where the song lyrics show up. I hope you enjoy.

✫ Jun: "I didn't think you'd understand me. How could you ever even try?"

You and Jun come from two different worlds. That's what made the relationship so exciting when you first decided to date. You thought it would be fun. However, there was a lot of cultural differences and just things that neither of you could never understand no matter how hard you both would try. You even tried to learn each others languages and cultures but it was just too difficult. Plus the pressures of being a secret lover just never set right with you. You understood why you had to love in secret but it still didn't mean it didn't hurt. When you made the unfortunate decision to break things off with Jun, he pleaded with you and even said he understood how difficult things are but you already made up your mind. No amount of tears from either of you could change your mind.

✫ Joshua: "Just wanna let this story die. And I'll be alright."

When Jisoo and you began dating, you never imagined getting to this part. You imagined getting married to him. You imagined having a family with him. You imagined a beautiful life with him. That's why these last few months have felt like such major whiplash. The constant fighting, the snide remarks, the tension, it was exhausting. You just were waiting almost impatiently for him to end things with you already. However, he was stubborn and he still loved you. You are everything to him and the thought of losing you is a nightmare. That's why you had to do it. At 2:13 am you both were screaming at each other on the phone over who knows what when you finally chose to end it." "Jisoo, we are done," you finally shouted causing him to quiet down and realize the gravity of the situation. "What do you mean we are done?" He asked while trying to choke back tears. "I mean we are done. We are broken up. I am tired of this fighting over nothing. It's time to let our love story end." Before he could say anything you hung up and blocked his number. It hurt like hell but you felt a little lighter and less stressed out. You knew you would be alright and one day you would find someone to live the happy life you imagined with Jisoo.

✫ Hoshi: "We can't be friends. But I'd like to just pre-etend."

The days where you would come home to Soonyoung were a distant memory at this point. You both were just so busy with everything that you both came to a mutual agreement to break up and just try to remain friends. However, little did you realize how hard it would be just friends. Whenever you were out with mutual friends, you both would both try your best but there was still some tension and longing glances even though neither of you would ever admit it. Your friends would beg you both to just grow up and get back together but both of you were just stubborn and rather live in delusion and pretend that being friends was the smartest choice. It was for the best.

✫ Wonwoo: "Me and my truth, we sit in silence. Mmm baby girl it's just me and you."

You felt delusional. You were being delusional. When Wonwoo walked out your once shared apartment you sat like a lost puppy thinking surely he would ignore your words to get lost. However he listened. He got lost and left everything you built together. He was hurt, he was upset. Everything he did was for you, and to watch you just throw everything you both built was devastating. However, he would do anything for you. That includes walking away when you ask. After two weeks of waiting for any sign of Wonwoo, you realized it was just you. You realized what you did and you regretted it but you also knew that it was for the best. He was amazing and deserves someone who could love him the way he loved. Maybe in another life you both could try again.

✫ S. Coups: "Cause I don't wanna argue but I don't wanna bite my tongue yeah I think I'd rather die."

Fighting with Seungcheol was one of your least favorite things to do. It took all your energy and just made you feel sick. Normally, if he was being irrational or bothered you, you would just bite your tongue and just pray it would be over soon. However, after months of doing this you realized staying silent was killing you. You wanted to express what was bothering you in hopes you both could mend your almost deteriorating relationship. You had texted him earlier that you wanted to talk when he got home. This caused Seungcheol to hurry home to see you. He thought you were hurt. He was left in the dark about your angers and wanted to make sure the love of his life was okay. When he got home he saw you sat at the kitchen table with a worried face and that's when he was nervous. "What's wrong, baby?" "I um, we need to talk about us. I don't want to argue about it but I wanna talk about how I am feeling and have been feeling for a little while." He nodded and pulled out the chair next to you and gave you his full attention. Once you let out all your concerns, worries, and grievances you were worried about, Seungcheol just held your hand and then together you made a game plan on where to go.

✫ Jeonghan: "You got me misunderstood but at least I look this good."

"What do you think you are doing (Y/N)?" you heard someone behind you ask causing your heart to race as if you were a kid who was caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar. You felt guilty but deep down you knew you had NO reason to feel guilty whatsoever. It had been over three weeks since you and Jeonghan decided to call it quits and tonight you decided was the night to wear a little black dress and try to move on. What was the occasion? Saint Laurent had invited you to a party in Seoul and you decided it was a good opportunity to dress up and feel pretty. You knew Jeonghan would most likely also be invited but to be honest, you could care less. He was not yours to worry about anymore. Tonight it was only about you and supporting Saint Laurent. You sighed as you turned around and saw Jeonghan staring at you with mixed emotions across his face. This caused you to smirk at him before shrugging. "Same reason you are here, I was invited." "But why the short dress?" "Since when were my legs offensive?" This made Jeonghan shut up and just look at you. After what seemed like an eternity you waved goodbye to your former lover and walked away into the party.

✫ Woozi: "You cling to your papers and pens. Wait until you like me again."

When Jihoon and you both started to talk, you knew that he was a workaholic. You knew he'd spend countless hours in the studio and you had sworn up and down that you were okay with it. However, after him being at the studio while you waited at a restaurant on your one year anniversary happened you were angry. He didn't even apologize really, he just was like "you know I need to get this album out." It hurt. When he got back to your shared apartment, he noticed how empty it was. He noticed there was not a trace of you. He called out for you and he heard nothing. He looked everywhere and when he realized you were gone. He quickly took his phone out to call but the call went straight to voicemail. He then found a letter addressed to him saying that you were done being second best to him. You said you would love and support him forever but for your sake you couldn't do this anymore. The note broke him and he couldn't help but breakdown crying.

ahh this was emotional im sorry. maknae version coming soon <3 maknae verion is here! x

[zoeykallus]

heya! I'm not sure if your requests are closed, and by no means do I hope to overwhelm you further with more requests :'D feel free to ignore this especially bc it's more of a negative request aaa

so as context: sometimes I zone out and due to my childhood I will flinch if I see a movement coming at me which at the time I thought was understandable/normal but my bf has already expressed his disappointment every time I flinched or denied physical affection and left me being the one who apologizes for a reflex and I was wondering how the batch (platonically) would react to the reader (preferably female) telling them that story if the reader was the batch's bffs or smth? :'D (plus Cody if that's okay!) I'd be curious to know if they would just try to calm me down or if they would try to encourage me to get that specific thing fixed maybe?

argh I'm so sorry for the long ass text cRIES

again no pressure whatsoever with this waaah

Aloha! 😊

Interesting question. Personally, I think personal space should always be respected, no matter how close we are with someone. In a relationship, most people tend to loving physical contact in many different forms, and I see how this reaction can be surprising or off-putting for some. But with a little empathy and patience, that really shouldn't be a problem for a partner to get used to and accept. If my partner is jumpy with such reflex reactions, I should be able to adjust. There is a reason for this reaction and I think you shouldn't be, or feel pressured to apologize for it. All in all, communication (and an understanding, open mind) is key, as it almost always is. Then there is also the option to try and get that out of your system, so to speak. Therapy might help, it's worth a try or two. After all, it would possibly make things easier for you as well, giving you more comfort in everyday life. Easier said than done, I know. But that's just my two cents. Either way, I'm wishing you all the best 😊 Let's see...

The Bad Batch/Cody x Reader HCs - The Flinch

Warnings: Implied Trauma / Traumatic Reflex Reaction

_________

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

_________

>Masterlist<

Hunter

It can happen casually, maybe he doesn't really think about it, just wants your attention for a moment, but you are busy, and your mind is elsewhere. A brief touch on the shoulder, innocent, gentle, without ulterior motives. Still, you flinch and turn around so quickly, startled, that he flinches briefly himself.

Hunter in no way intended to scare you or offend you, he would never do that consciously. Of course, he apologizes, you are close friends, he knows your past that you confided in him.

"I should have known better, I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

He is patient, gentle and forgiving. Hunter tries his best to be sensitive to you and respect your boundaries. He is careful in his interactions with you, considerate.

Echo

The first time it happens, he is so startled by your reaction that he backs away and looks at his hand as if he expects to see it red-hot, or spiked. He blinks a few times, then says, "Sorry, did I scare you?"

Whether you confide in him or not, Echo will never hold it against you. He can understand that your reaction has a background, and he can respect that you don't want to share it with him. This does not change the fact that he will take it into consideration.

He sometimes seems strict and so serious, but he has an antenna for the sensitivities of others. It is in his nature to be considerate.

Wrecker

He is a bit impetuous and very affectionate. Scaring you or triggering a reaction is never his intention, but it can still happen quite a few times. You can speak openly with Wrecker, he is happy to listen to you, he is understanding even if you don't tell him everything.

He will always apologize if it still happens accidentally, and he will never blame you for these reactions. He will rather make sure that others around you respect your personal space as well.

Tech

He is not a particularly physical guy. On the contrary, Tech values his personal space and usually respects that of others around him. In combat, this may not be possible at times, but in general everyday life, Tech tends to keep a polite distance.

If he does trigger that automatic flight or defensive reaction, he apologizes immediately, and you can assume it won't happen again. He himself is not a fan of surprising touches, which is why he doesn't like Wreckers' little nudges at all and usually lets them pass with rolling eyes or critically furrowed brows.

Crosshair

As almost always, his first reaction is a bit grumpy. He doesn't immediately understand what's going on, but he's a good observer and a bright guy. Of course, he notices that you have these reactions more often, even with other people.

Crosshair reads your body language and realizes that this is a learned, habitual reflex reaction. He understands that there is a real, possibly deep-seated reason behind it. Of course, he adapts, even if he doesn't like to admit it, he can be considerate and very understanding.

So you don't have to worry about him. He certainly doesn't respect or appreciate you less than before because of that. In fact, it awakens a certain protective instinct in him.

Cody

At first, he is surprised, but he is neither offended nor annoyed. But he is attentive. As a soldier, he's learned to read body language, to interpret reactions, and even though you might not say anything about it, Cody understands pretty quickly what makes you tick.

You can count on him to pay attention to that in the future. You don't have to apologize to him, you can just be yourself and relax. Cody is always a safe haven.

He also won't let other people maybe cause you problems because of it. Anyone who teases you about it or makes fun of you should be prepared to get in trouble.

[madamepestilence]

Go Fund Gaza - Palestinians that have reached out to me

Don't have money to donate? Head over to arab.org/click-to-help, they'll convert every click you have into one Lebanese Lira, which are converted at a rate of 15 Lira to 1 USD donation regardless of the Lebanese economic crash and other economic exchange rate changes

I offer my deepest and most sincere apologies to the countless families whom I've been unable to help and were left not responded to in my inbox. I should've shared these months ago. I hope that sharing these now can at least help some.

Folks of Tumblr, some of these haven't received donations in months and/or have less than 1% fulfilled. If you have any funds to spare, donate at least something. Even just a single euro. Please.

If you want verification, I advise you find a different person to ask or reach out to people who have the energy and means to verify them. I'm not qualified to attempt that, and I'd rather be scammed than subject someone to genocide, especially given GoFundMe has a scam protection policy that refunds donators.

Please keep in mind that names/grammar may be slightly different in some places: some names anglicize multiple different ways (for instance, shonen being anglicized from Japanese) and English is a complicated second language.

Thank you in advance. I expect to see both the Arab.org Daily Clicks (I DO MONITOR THIS. WHY IS LESS THAN THE EQUIVALENT OF 0.05% OF THE POPULATION OF THE UNITED STATES DOING THEM. 15000 PEOPLE ON AVERAGE? WHAT THE FUCK.) and donations go up.

I'll be posting these in threads of messages I've received at a time because there's a lot, and Tumblr doesn't care for posts with large quantities of links/@'s. 7 September 2024: Ahmed Khalil Tumblr: @ahmed0khalil GFM:

7 September 2024: Esraa Ayyad (with Maram Rafat) Tumblr: @esraayyad14 GFM:

7 September 2024: Muhammad Al-Sir Tumblr: @mohmadelser GFM:

7 September 2024: Ola Ahel Tumblr: @olagaza, @olagaza1, @olagaza2 GFM:

8 September 2024: Ahmad Salem Tumblr: @saveahmad2468 GFM:

8 September 2024: Ali Muqdad Tumblr: @alimeq92 GFM:

8 September 2024: Ahmed Al-Agha Tumblr: @ahmed-gaza12 GFM:

8 September 2024: Ahmed Zor Tumblr: @ahmedabuzuorfamily GFM:

8 September 2024: Jumana Hassan Tumblr: @mohmoud-j GFM:

9 September 2024: Noha Abed Tumblr: @nohabed GFM:

[kingaegond]

Mean! Aemond x Chubby! Martell! Wife (Elilla)

Warnings: Inacurate hotd, Possessiveness, Jealousy, P in V, +18

-

Y/N had been in King's Landing for a few months already, since her betrothal to prince Aemond Targaryen. Y/N was ready to fight her parents and go back to Dorne as soon as she stepped foot on King's Landing, as it was a tradition in Dorne to marry for love and not for duty. But as soon as she saw him, she felt in love. He was misterious and knightly but cold and sometimes he had glow in his eye when he saw her that she didn't know if it was lust, hate or what it meant.

He was different from what she had heard back in Dorne, she had heard of the one-eye prince, a monster, terribly cruel. She didn't know him that much but she knew the stories were not true. He was absolutely beautiful and in the short time since their betrothal, he had been nothing but knightly to her, perhaps even, a bit cold, but he took her for shorts walks on the garden or acompany her to read books in the Library. He didn't talk much and Y/N didn't know if he liked her, much less if he loved her. But she tried to let her doubts go as she loved him and Aemond would be her husband rather soon.

-

A few days before the wedding, it was decided to hold a feast to celebrate the union of house Targaryen and house Martell, as Y/N's family would come to Kings Landing for the wedding.

Y/N recevived her family happily, she had missed them terribly. Her sister brought her a beautiful dress from Dorne, it was golden, translucent and shined with the light of the sun. Y/N put on the dress and went to the Feast.

-

Aemond wasn't particularly fond of these feasts but had to entertain them for the sake of his station, he reminded himself. He sat next to his brother, the King. Aegon had already diminished the wine refills, but his cup kept getting emptied and full again and again. He tried to remain stoic, but then he saw her... His fiance wearing a dress that left little to nothing to the imagination, the way it embraced her curves, the curve of her breast to her belly to her tights, her dark hair falling to her waistline. All the lord of Westeros staring at her, taking advantage of any chance they could to touch her slightly. Aemond was enraged. But Aegon interrupted his thoughts.

-Seven hells, brother. I never thought I'd say this, but I envy you. Would you mind if we share?- Aegon said with a cheeky laugh.

That only made Aemond's blood boil even more. He stood up and walked to her and her family. He greeted them fastly and took his fiance's arm.

-May i have a word, my lady- He said as he took her arm in his hand firmly and cover her with his body as they made their way out of the Great Hall.

As they went out of the Hall, Queen Helaena greeted them as she was just entering the feast.

-Queen Helaena- said Y/N with a smile. Helaena had been absolutely kind and lovely to her.

-Brother, Y/N. Are you already leaving the feast?- asked Helaena.

-We just wanted to walk in the Garden- Aemond said coldly as he kept walking.

Helaena went into the Great Hall and Aemond and Y/N kept walking passing the Gardens.

-Prince Aemond, but we just passed the Garden... -said Y/N.

-Be still Y/N.

With a few more steps, they made their way to Aemond's chamber.

-Leave- said Aemond to the guards. And so they did.

Aemond took Y/N to his chamber and closed the door. He pinned to her to the wall and put his hand around her neck.

-I didn't know I was to marry a whore- He said with coldness in his eye.

-I... What do you mean?... Prince Aemond?

-Can't you see the ways the others stare at you? As they try to touch you? or grace you skin or you hair?- He said looking at her, as his blue eye was growing black.- Can't you see you're exposed?- He said as he ghosted his hands close to her waist.

-I... Its just what we wear in Dorne, it's nothing. I'll change and we can go back to the Feast.

-We're not going back to the Feast.

Aemond's blue eye look almost entirely black. He was looking at her with the same expression she couldn't decipher.

-I must have you- He whispered in her ear.

His voice sending vibrations through her.

-But the wedding...

-I must have you now- He said again, as he kissed her neck and move to her breast.- ābrazȳrys (wife)- He whispered at her bossom.

All this time, she didn't know if he cared about her, loved her or wanted her, as much as she did, but she knew now, she knew the word he spoke, as she had been studying high valyrian all the time she had spend in the library. He had called her his wife.

-Kessa, valzȳrys (yes, husband)- She said between breaths.

That's was all Aemond needed to take her right then and there. Her sweet voice in high valyrian as her breaths became more raggedy only enticing him more. He kissed her hungrily, biting her lower lip.

-Elilla (honey)- He whispered as he tasted her lips, that had been coated with a honey balm. He kept kissing her as she opened her mouth and he started exploring her with his tongue.

Aemond pulled the knife out of his coat and open the dress with a swift cut. Her breast pouring out of the fabric, he threw the knife to the floor and put his right hand on her breast, as he caressed the perk nipple between his fingers, his other hand squeezing the flesh of her waistline. As the fabric of the dress kept falling to the ground, she put her thights around his waistline and he started lapping at her breast sucking and biting softly, making her whimper and moan at his ministrations.

Aemond then moved her to his bed and bare himself before her.

She had read the books in Dorne and King's Landing as to prepare herself, but he was big, too big.

-It's too big...- She said between breaths.

-It's alright, Elilla (honey), trust me- He said as he put his fingers inside her core. Her wetness oozing out of her. She moaned as she felts his long fingers caressing her, making the pleasure pile up in the pit or her belly. But just before she could cum, he removed his fingers.

-Please, valzȳrys, please...

Then, she felt him enter her, she could swear she felt him all the way into her stomach. A burning pain and a burning pleasure mixing together.

Aemond felt her wetness... tight, so tight around him, it felt magnificent. He then moved his hips to pull out and enter her again.

Y/N she felt every part of him as the pain went away and only the pleasure remained. His cock wrapped in her arousal and her blood, as she moaned his name again and again, only making him want her even more. Aemond and Y/N were lost to pleasure as he sucked at her breast and his hand squeezed the flesh of her waistline, as their hips moved in tandem to reach their peak.

[666writingcafe]

An Interview With Simeon

Part Six

Question One: How do you feel right now?

A little tired, but otherwise okay.

Question Two: Would you rather live in the city or in the woods?

I find a lot more inspiration in the woods, plus there aren't nearly as many people. MC says that I'm an introvert because I get my energy from being alone, and I think they might be right. Not that there's anything wrong with groups of people; they just can be draining at times.

Question Three: Do you believe in soulmates?

Absolutely. But I don't believe in exclusivity. There are many types of soulmates, not just the romantic kind. Like, Luke and I are familial soulmates. I was meant to be his guardian, and he was meant to be my kid. *pauses* Don't tell Luke I said that. He hates it when I call him that.

Question Four: Who is the first person you call when you are happy or sad?

When I want to express good news, I call Raphael. He and I have grown fairly close since the war. But he's what I would call a fair-weather friend. He's made it clear that he doesn't want to hear about my struggles, and I've made peace with that. (So who do you call when you need to vent about something?) It depends on what it is. If I just want to gossip, then I reach out to Solomon, but if it's deeper and more existential, I call either MC or Mammon. MC is a great listener, and Mammon's been through a lot of the same things I have. Plus, he's actually willing to share his emotions with me, unlike a certain dark-haired demon I know.

Question Five: What makes you smile on bad days?

Luke and MC doing something together. They're quite cute.

Question Six: How would you feel if your daydreams became real?

In some ways, they already have. Unfortunately, I can't reveal much more than that, or I'd be in a lot of trouble.

Question Seven: What are you proud of right now?

I recently overcame a really bad case of writer's block.

Question Eight: What are you scared about not accomplishing in life?

Contentment.

Question Nine: What do you think about casual relationships and long-term relationships?

I think it's important to communicate those kind of boundaries upfront and check back in frequently to see if they need to change. Otherwise, the relationship isn't going to last, and one or both parties are going to be unhappy.

Question Ten: What do people say about you that you like?

Do you mind if I go on a bit of a tangent? (Does it pertain to the question?) Yes. (Then go ahead.) So, MC gives the best compliments. They have a way of looking deep inside someone's soul and saying what they need to hear. It can get very specific. (Give me an example.) MC once told me that the words I write rival the greatest pieces of art in the human world. They were reading a short story I wrote about nature, except nature was a metaphor for something--or rather, someone else. *pauses* Just thinking about it is making it hard for me to focus on this interview, and I'm sure you have more questions to ask, so we should move on.

Question Eleven: How would you define love?

What an...interesting question. *clears throat* I'd say love consumes you. You can feel it from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet, but its pull is strongest inside your heart. (Have you felt that way about someone before?) I feel that way about someone now, but to reveal who it is would cause an uproar. (Do they at least know how you feel?) Yes, and they've agreed to keep it private.

Question Twelve: How much value do you place on other people’s appreciation?

A lot more than I should. I'm not supposed to care too much about people's opinion of me, because my relationship with Father is suppose to supersede all of that.

Question Thirteen: Have you broken someone’s heart?

Yes.

Question Fourteen: What do you think about “love at first sight?”

I've seen it happen once. A bunch of us did, actually. (Was it during the initial exchange program?) *smiles* It was.

Question Fifteen: If you woke up tomorrow as a person of the opposite gender, what would you do?

The same stuff that I do now. I know, not very exciting. Technically, I could change my physical form to a person of the opposite gender if I wanted to. We only look this way as to not scare off humans. But I like my current appearance. I feel it matches how I feel on the inside.

Question Sixteen: What is the most ridiculous thing you have ever bought for yourself?

A 200 pack of glitter gel pens.

Question Seventeen: What was your last Doogle search?

As soon as I say it, you'll know exactly why I searched for it: "how to put out a magically-induced fire".

Question Eighteen: What do you think attracts people to you?

I'm able to appear calm and peaceful. It doesn't always reflect what I'm feeling, but that's a whole other story.

Question Nineteen: What color is your aura?

A light shade of baby blue.

Question Twenty: If the world ended tomorrow, would you survive?

With help, yes. If I was by myself, however...I don't think I'd last very long.

Question Twenty-One: If your house was on fire, what is the first thing you're grabbing?

Luke. Objects can be replaced. He can't.

Question Twenty-Two: If you could take your favorite celebrity on a date, where would you go?

They enjoy late-night picnics at the park. (You say that as though you've already been on a date with your favorite celebrity.) That's because I have. Several times, as a matter of fact. Although, their fame is subjective. They're not nearly as famous where they come from as they are here in the Devildom.

Question Twenty-Three: If you could shapeshift into an animal, which one would you be?

A human world Arctic fox.

Question Twenty-Four: If you could do anything without any judgment, what would you do right now?

It would require a hotel room with a magical lock on it, soundproof walls, and lots of...shall we say, supplies.

Question Twenty-Five: Do you easily get scared?

Not anymore. I used to, and then the war happened.

Question Twenty-Six: Can you keep a secret?

Can you? *awkward silence* (We should wrap this up.) Good idea.

Question Twenty-Seven: Have you ever felt tongue-tied on a date?

Yes.

Question Twenty-Eight: Can you spend a whole night awake?

I have many times before, and I probably will do many more times in the future.

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr, @tenkobitch, @budbuddnbuddy

[flymetosnarryland]

A little progress.

I'm working on "Infraction." My precious baby, uh. This art is part of it in a way. Eileen Prince and Tobias Snape. When people are falling in love everything seems easy, but then life happen.

(I'd like to talk about how things are going with Infraction.)

I'm back on it since couple of weeks and working on it is intense (my brain is literally boiling). I don't think I ever planned a story for that long. The first idea has born 6th January this year. I was writing down (like crazy) everything I wanted to be in this fic. During first months it was chaotic and messy, but brought me so much joy. When I've had everything that (I thought) I needed, I wrote first chapters, yeah. And then shared them, because was so excited about all of it and just couldn't wait. Gosh.

Now I... hm... well, maybe not "regret" it, but I think, I totally should have wait. Why is that? First thing first, this story is not ready yet for being written in, you know, final version. It's too fat, lol.

I may want too much from it. There is a lot, like, seriously, A LOT of things to cover. First notes took me around 80 pages and it had many gaps in it (too much if you ask me). Things I needed to figure out and fill in, in the same time making everything work together. Because this Snarry is not sprinkled with crime. It's filled with murder, political shenanigans, family shiteshow and tough, not always appropriate, love. There are secrets and lies, blackmails and history that matter. Backstory of many people, whose actions over the years supposed to bring us to the point where we are now. And, you know, all of it gives me the thrill. First time in my life I feel like a true Puppet Master.

So, couple weeks ago I started to write a proper outline, if I can call it like that. To put everything in order and, going from the very beginning, to fill all the gaps. To answer all the questions I was asking myself in notes. To figure out the missing clues, some details without I couldn't go further and with that - to find out how characters will change facing new situations. How they will grow (I really love this part). Sometimes I think, "why am I even doing it?" I could just write some cosy, little fic where Harry and Severus' silly problems would be the main goal of the story. Like, focusing on them should be enough, right? Why am I going for all the other things, if I just want them to shag and have their happy end after all? 😂

Well, if it's not for fun, I don't know the other reason. The level of excitement is just incredible. I don't know, if what I'm writing is good or bad. If it really has sense, because I've always seen myself rather as a potato, not as a great mastermind who can plot some good shite, you know. That said, "Infraction" feels even more challenging that I ever thought it will be. But I feel deep inside that I can do it. Going step by step where the main plan leads and... it just feels good.

I've started in October 1989. Now I'm in January 2011. It means that I managed to finish everything that happen before the fic starts, lol. And, actually, I almost covered the first part of the book. So, two more to go? Hehe. It'll take time, yes. It's crazy how much I want to continue writing the main chapters, not only swim in the plan-phase. Drawing the series of "Muggle London" art helped me a lot with easing this itch. However, it's still there. I know, though, that I have to finish it. The whole outline, I mean. Without it, things can go south.

That said, I can't tell how long it will take. Couple weeks? Maybe months. This is really... a lot of work and I want to be proud of it. Even more so, because this fic means a lot to me. I know it may not be, you know, mind blowing or something. But I hope that giving it all my love, it could be, you know, not that bad for reading, hehe.

[themadknightuniverse]

The Passenger (2023) : COMPOSITION, ENVIRONMENTS & PARALLELS ANALYSIS

In this couple of post I'll share all the things I noticed and conclusions I came to while watching and re-watching The Passenger (2023).

[Find part 2 : "color theory" here.]

disclaimer:

I will not go too deep in the story per say, but rather point out things about the imagery and what it tells us about the characters, their mental state, and the events past and present. This is all a very personal interpretation of this movie I found to love the more I watch it, so of course you make what you will of all the things I'll develop under this post.

Warning: Spoilers ahead!

-

One of the things that is absolutely impeccable about this movie is the photography. Colors, composition, lights, environments, treated with so much care I can only see symbolism and meaning through it all. And once I started to gather some elements, I also started to discover some kind of patterns. Of course, I'll say it again, but there is a chance this analysis will eventually go too far, so please keep in mind that all this is just the result of my mind drifting back to this movie again and again and finding some sense where it probably wasn't intended. I also didn't dive into the numerous tumblr posts analyzing this movie much, so I'm sorry if all this is just a repeat of what's all been already said.

-

I only wanted to point a few details I found interesting and/or fun through the movie. It won't be as heavy as the color theory section, but I thought these to be interesting to bring up still.

The first element I'd like to bring up is the text panels.

The firs tone we encounter is “No trespassing; the violators will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.” over Benson's head. So, of course we can make a direct parallel with Benson's mass killing a few minutes later. And what are Benson and Randy if not survivors? And they both get shot by the end of the movie.

Second one is “thank you” written on the bin, perfectly captured along with Benson right after the kills. A friend of mine said it looked like a literal thank you from the restaurant itself, which I found hilarious, but it also may be interpreted like a thank you from Randy.

Third we have “it's not just wrong, it's illegal.”, like a statement to what's happening throughout the whole movie, all of Benson's choices. Bonus for the EXIT on the back, with Benson standing between it and Randy. Nice.

Fourth one is my favorite. “Pick your pal” on the plushies store wall got me laughing a bit. It's a cute sentence. And what is it if not a complete summary of how Benson's and Randy's relationship evolves? Benson chose to take Randy under his wing, to help him, to fix him without giving him a choice (like they're about to pick the plushy they want and decorate it as they wish to make them look like actual plushies? Like so far Randy was all but a bland plushy? Like Benson picked Randy's change of clothes in his desire to start his change to make him look and be more human? (I told you this would stretch too far at some point)).

The last panel, or rather panelS, that caught my eyes on second watch were the ones I spotted in the mall. Every single other shops are closed, empty. Panels indicating “liquidation” everywhere, “rent this place”, and so on. This mall is also in a poor state, like you can see how damaged the ceiling is. The only other people we see are ghost like presences sitting in the background, in a place were there is literally nothing to do but sit there.

Besides the liminal places vibe that brings the uncanny feelings with it, I see this choice like such a significant one. This is a deserted place were only one thing still stands in a splash of colors; the plushies store. This feels so much like a visit to their childhood, like some sort of transportation in a mind palace. A return into an abandoned place, where they felt so alone already, and the store stand like the materialization of their childhood. And there is so much green everywhere (it makes sense with the color theory, just keep it in mind for now). If we see this as the materialization of childhood, all those empty stores being memories or missed occasions to spend a nice time, avoided after the trauma (am I pushing this too far? You tell me (no don't, I already know)). Not to mention it's the first time we actually get the first clue to Benson's trauma thanks to his plushies customization skills. All of this, among faceless and bland plushies that I find quite uncanny. And that giant teddy bear, damn, well I would rather sit next to Benson. Also, big up to the green girafe on the wall.

There is an interesting thing regarding the places. They are all in some degree of deterioration. The burger fastfood's facade looking old and worn, sitting next to a ruin on the other side of the road (At first I thought it was a boat, which would have been a damn nice metaphor for Benson and Randy). Benson's home. The mall with all its empty shops. The school with its deserted cafeteria. Benson's car interior a mess. The restaurant they stop by is in a okay shape, the facade is a bit dirty, but the inside is just fine.

Speaking of Benson's house, we don't see much yet it's such an interesting set. The only pictures we can see are all behind the glass of the dresser, memories tucked away, barely discernible. Then we have the hallway leading further inside the house. Of course we have that very pretty shot of Randy standing there, alone, caged. And a detail that I especially love about this shot is how we cannot discern any of the frames hung on the walls. It gives such a special feeling about the place. I can't really pinpoint how it makes me feel, but there sure is uneasiness.

And finally, we have miss Beard's house, which is impeccable, and being renovated, clean and in order. This is SUCH a smart detail. She could only have been chilling at home, but no, she's painting the walls inside of her perfect house. And she's painting them in green, which takes a bigger meaning with the color analysis (to say it quick here, it could be interpreted as her being fine enough with her trauma to live with it. It's tamed, even brought her happiness, she feels lucky as she said it). I like to see places as characters and/or a representation of the state of mind of the people living in it. Here, seeing miss Beard -also being the victim of a heavy past trauma- being incredibly sweet and nice to the very person who rattled her life, recovering from this past event (and all it unfurled) so well, living a nice life, is such a huge contrast to all the places we visited before and Randy and Benson state. She's the embodiment of recovery. She's a spark of hope.

In comparison, the restaurant they go back to at the end is the perfect place, the perfect middle ground for what will happen. A bit worn but clean and nice. A place where change can happen.

A detail I enjoyed too, was the way Benson and Randy look at themselves in a mirror to gather themselves after a short breakdown. It tells us yet again, how alike they can be.

Quick rewind ! I also don't know what to do with a short shot at the beginning of the movie. Benson looks our way for a few seconds. This is the kind of choices that sets my brain in overdrive a bit. This is so eerie. Is it a break of the 4th wall? Are we too, being seen and judged by Benson?

The last scene gives us some interesting things to see too.

Randy is doing better, the contrast is so vivid. I only noticed that Randy kept Benson's jacket on my second watch. It's showed to us with no real insistance, and I love it. I address this more in the color theory section.

A parallel that I did love a lot was the very last shot with the two plushies. Look at them, enjoying tea together. Just like Randy and miss Beard earlier. I see it as a return to peace of mind between Benson and Randy after all that happened, Benson the “necessary evil” in Randy's life to change it for the best, like Randy was for miss Beard.

And this will end the first part! I hope you enjoyed and all this wasn't just absurd or lacking sense.

Check part 2 -> Color theory

[purplenidoqueen]

not to mention tme/tma is no fucking gender binary, the groups “transfems” and “non transfems; cis men, cis women, trans men, some nonbinary people, etc” is not a binary at all. if you don’t know what the terms mean or aren’t experienced with transfeminism, that’s fine, but don’t act like i hate men because you misunderstood my feminism.

The reblog that garnered these messages can be found here, and part one is here. Sorry if the tone was too sharp; I'm not super comfy playing defense for those who aren't here to defend themselves, but I'm sure as heck willing to do my best. I'd explained at the end of the post that garnered these responses that I am also a trans woman, but I don't mind that you missed it; I just feel that said experience is something to keep in mind.

Since this was split into two messages I'll have to respond in two parts, so bear with me. While I don't have much of an audience, it's important to me to head this off, so I'd appreciate it if anyone who reads this and agrees with my stances here also walks away with the message of patience and solidarity, and doesn't send messages her way for whatever reason. This isn't a callout and I don't believe in callouts; this is just how the inbox function works.

Anyway! Second:

"If you don't know what the terms mean"… I understand that some find comfort in the terms, but "transmisogyny exempt" and "transmisogyny affected" are years old and have gone through a number of phases. While they were well-intentioned at first, TMA and TME swiftly changed from inclusive terms to exclusive ones, used not only by trans women to exclude others from our struggle, but by others to exclude us from their own struggles. In many ways they are bullshit terms adopted and adapted by terfs and their allies, and when I say they are used to reinforce the gender binary, I mean it. They've been used at length to pit trans men, trans mascs, and AFAB nonbinary folk against us in an attempt to make detransition look more practical.

As for whether TMA/TME has any weight: Do you understand how many cis women have been hurt by transmisogyny? You can find stories about women ranging from Michelle Obama and Lady Gaga to Marie MacGowan, an eighty-six-year-old Irish cis woman with dementia who was assaulted and beaten by a transphobe for over forty minutes straight. Even men and mascs, cis or trans, can be hit by forms of transmisogyny if they don't meet the standards of masculinity to which society holds them! Trans men are routinely mistaken to be trans women and attacked by people who misunderstand the situation because only trans women have the spotlight in this patriarchal society! That's not to mention the complexities of growing up intersex, whether or not their lives were changed without their consent by "corrective" surgeries as infants. The binary of "affected" or "exempt" is too tidy to have much use. Fear-based hatred is too complicated.

Transmisogyny is a form of transphobia, which is at its root a form of homophobia, and we have to understand that segregating each other's experiences into exclusionary groups rather than inclusive ones is incredibly unproductive -- and exactly what the terfs, traditionalists, and other fascists are trying to enforce.

On the subject of transphobia as a whole vs transmisogyny, I was trying not to bring this up, but it's the only way I can think of to boil down my point in a way that matters. This is the post that convinced me to respond, in the hopes of sharing some thoughts and perspective.

Okay. This is important for one main reason: Why do you think it would be bizarre or noteworthy for trans men to react negatively to this tweet? I get the point of it, but it's phrased so poorly. Surely you can understand -- maybe you've experienced for yourself -- the feeling that arises when you try to live your happiest life as your chosen gender, only for terfs and their allies to say "You only feel like a X because you're a failed Y." Where does that stem from? Where does it lead? "Trans women are just men who are super gay." "Trans men are just women trying to climb the patriarchal ladder." It's disgusting! Maybe that's not a perspective that occurred to you in the moment, but that's why queer folk from all corners of the community should communicate our experiences to each other, isn't it? If your feminism includes seeing trans men "react bizarrely" to something you didn't understand, and giving them the squinty eyes instead of asking why, then it can't truly be feminism, because it can't truly be about equality.

This whole TME/TMA thing reminds me of the transmedicalist discourse, or of a decade ago when in some circles you weren't considered trans enough and "made the rest of us look bad" if you couldn't, or didn't care to, pass. Butch transfems, a cornerstone of the culture, used to get run out of social groups for being "fake women". It's all about finding the weakest link and cutting them out, over and over until the solidarity of a cohesive queer community becomes a more manageable series of dogpiles against smaller and smaller fragments of GSR minorities. Fuck that. None of us is worth sacrificing, not ace nor kinky nor enby nor queer.

It's been a long pair of long responses. Sorry for the wait, and for the attention. In any case, to boil my thoughts down in the least productive way possible:

"Individually we are weak like a single twig, but as a bundle we form a mighty faggot!"