#i care not for the potential 'new villain' nonsense i just Want My Dad

[glambots]

Okay, so I know this is probably NOT how it's going to go at all, but I think a really, really interesting take for the Ruins DLC (or just A Post-Fire AU in-general), would be for the fire itself to have snapped the animatronics out of the viruses hold. Like, the sheer damage or security/self-preservation protocols it instills straight up is enough to short circuit the virus and snap them all back to reality.

Imagine the horror of finding out what they've done, what they've been forced to endure, and what's happened to their home all because someone had control over their bodies and minds and it took an entire fucking fire bringing the building down to free them from it. Ouugh.

[rubykgrant]

All those years ago, when I wrote my first Danny Phantom fan-fiction story (I started with a sequel to the Ultimate Enemy and then moved into making up episodes I wanted to exist), I wasn’t really sure what to do with Vlad... I mean, I wrote stuff for him to do, he did stuff, he was there and doing things, but like... I didn’t have a lot of thought-process or a way to articulate what my purpose was with him. Thinking about Danny Phantom stuff again has finally helped it click in my head; see, I wanted him to not be so “evil”, because that just got old. It was pointless, too (the way the show kept pushing him in the super-villain direction past the point of any motivations for himself really irked me). I couldn’t imagine him being “nice” exactly, but just not EVIL. 

Also, in the one future where Danny became bad, we actually do get to see a less jerk-version of Vlad; he evidently started taking care of Danny, and not in a “get close to your parents so I can kill your dad and steal your mom” kind of way (because uhh... yeah, they were GONE). He also regretted not taking very good care of that version of Danny, and when he met the Danny from a new time-line, Vlad helped him return and stop the bad outcome from happening. So, he obviously doesn’t HAVE to suck. The trick is, how to make him suck less in a different context, because that time-line doesn’t happen anymore. Without giving away too much from my nonsense story (I’ll eventually re-write the whole thing and share it then), there is this new problem of a greater enemy appearing, and it will probably destroy EVERYTHING. Danny somehow finds a way to defeat this problem, and for a moment he’s like super-duper-extra-mega-ultra-turbo POWERFUL. This fades away slightly, it isn’t a power-up that can last (because it would probably tear him apart), but it unlocks a lot of potential. He will eventually be able to get about half that strong on his own, which is still pretty dang strong. Vlad sees this all go down, and he realizes 2 important things; 1, he is not even on the Threat Radar anymore. He just got down-graded from Major Villain to Annoying Antagonist. 2, if he can’t figure something out, nobody is going to pay any attention to him again. EVER. He has no hope of trying to push Danny around, or even try to pull the “I can teach you how to use your powers” trick, because Danny is on a whole other level. Vlad doesn’t NOT care for feeling like he isn’t important, so now he’s on a trip again where he’s constantly trying to be involved with the Fenton’s lives, which means he has to deal with Jack on a regular basis (and that is always hilarious). The opens up to all the fun potential of him trying to be “helpful”, when nobody really wants or needs him around, and this means he throws many a hissy-fit over that, BUT ALSO; he has to actually THINK about why he cares so much about these people. Yeah, he’s had a one-sided love for Maddie, blamed Jack for his accident, and has complicated feelings over how he finds the kids very frustrating, but also wishes Danny and Jazz were his own children. He also has to think about the fact that as far as Jack cares, they are still best friends. Oh, also his clone-baby, and how maybe if he wants to be a dad, he SHOULD START THERE. I also want him to have a few opportunities to do something bad again. Like, he really has a chance or two where, depending on his decisions, he could really WRECK things for the other characters... wouldn’t that put things back the way they had been, the status-quo? Isn’t that what he wants? Or maybe, just MAYBE, he actually gives a heck? Anyway, yeah, I like the idea of totally taking away his ability to be threatening, and then he has to figure out how he fits into things on his own

[adinosaurnamedmittens]

Alright so I can’t stop thinking of RVB Zero and how much potential it has so I wanna rework it a bit to work better.

So first I’m gonna talk about the new characters and what I’d change before breaking down the individual episodes for critique and suggested rewrites. At this point, I’ve only seen up to episode 4, Encounter. So spoilers till that ep. 

West - Honestly great! He doesn’t have a ton of character, but what he has is solid. He works very well as the gruff, no-nonsense leader who’s a tiny bit of a dad.

Raymond - Also great! He’s the most classic RVB character, as he’s an underdog who’s not the best at fighting, but has a lot of heart. My fav new character, right next to Tiny.

One - I want to change her to 2nd in command and drop the whole “can’t work within a team” thing. Keep the confidence and slight rudeness, but drop all the lines referencing anti-teamwork. It hasn’t factored into the story so far, One has been successfully working as part of the team for all the episodes. This would make her dynamic with Axel more interesting, being in a higher position of power. Especially considering how her healthy relationship with her dad contrasts with East and West’s relationship. This would reinforce the tension with East, since One now has an actual position of power over her. Also, she should have the exact same powers as Zero, but maybe less powerful. This would help foreshadow that reveal, and help us understand how the enhancements work. While One is a bit of a shit, and thinks she knows best, she’s willing to take the fall when her ideas fail or get them in trouble.

Axel - Imma be honest: totally forgot he was One’s adopted dad until I rewatched the episodes prepping for this. You could drop it totally, as it gets a bit redundant with West and East’s relationship, but I think there’s more fun in working with it. Also, if One’s 2nd in command and Axel isn’t insecure about it at all? Instantly makes him a more likable guy. I also think he parallels to Wash very well (bit of a kid at heart, weapons guy, team dad, emotional heart) so we’re gonna expand on that too.

East - Her and One’s relationship is the driving force of conflict within the strike team. With the changes made to One, East can stay pretty much unchanged. Before they were too similar. Now, with One being abrasive but willing to work together, and East being more reserved and distant, they’re great foils for each other. Also she parallels early Carolina, which I love (speed is her ability, prefers working alone, competitive as hell, dad runs team)

Villains: On characterization, they’re all good! Villains are allowed to be a bit more shallow, and they all seem to have understandable motives for what they’re doing: Zero wants revenge and power, Phase wants revenge especially against West, and Diesel just seems like he’s having fun. I do want to change Zero’s power tho, with Phase already having a teleport with a cool gimmick, and Diesel having a strength/tank ability, Zero should have a unique ability. Maybe gravity because of the sword? It would allow him some cool movement tricks while still being visually distinct from Diesel and Phase’s abilities. Or something inspired by his “ghost” line from Duo.

EP 1: Viper

The Good: The introduction to the villains and their abilities was amazing. I love Phase’s knife and it’s honestly one of the coolest things I’ve seen in the show. And the intro to the Strike team? Hilarious. Great character work. You can tell that One and Axel are close, that Raymond is hesitant and new, East and One have a very competitive relationship, and West is the tough love dad.

The Bad: Don’t violate the 180 camera rule. The intro fight scene was cool, but the camera moved way too much and made it hard to keep track of everything happening. And with the new, shiny art style we need a bit more time to absorb what’s happening since the detail level went up. Also y’all healed Wash’s brain damage with a throwaway line, and then immediately fridged him? Not cool. I mean, if you wanted to show how tough the villains are, you already had them beat up Carolina.

Story Changes: - Zero gets name dropped this ep so we get a scene next ep where Axel recognizes his name. - Either replace Wash with a high ranking soldier and completely scrub him from the episode, or give a different reason why he can’t help, maybe exactly Carolina’s reason of “you’re recovering”. I’m not committing to totally removing Wash bc in Recovery Carolina’s line of “That I-that we thought was a medium risk asset” hints that Wash knew exactly what they were carrying and I’m excited to see where they take that. - Mainly I want scenes of Wash talking to Axel and expanding on his characterization as they are both Nice Boys Who Have Been Through It. - I also think a scene after we meet Strike where Axel asks Raymond “You like riding with East?” and Ray goes “You two stuck me with her on purpose!” and One goes “Yup!” all cheerfully. Just reinforce those team dynamics and friendships before it goes to shit!

EP 2: Recovery

The Good: The garage scene was perfect. Tiny is amazing, love her so much! And Axel got such great characterization during this ep. What a dork. West and Raymond also work super well together, their interactions are great.

The Bad:You know it’s a problem when the villains have a better dynamic than the heroes. The scene where Carolina explains all the strike member’s abilities and personalities? Bad. Also a little OOC for her. And redundant, since we also get Raymond asking West about East, and Axel’s explanation of the girls to Carolina.

Story Changes: - Have Axel, the emotional heart, waiting outside the recovery room for Carolina. Honestly, this isn’t that big, but I think it’d suit his character. - Carolina’s exposition is changed to solely history and abilities, no commenting on their personalities. Maybe East gets a little “has shown difficulty in working with others” but that’s it. The physical acting for these scenes really shines through, so let it stand alone. Even watching without sound, you can pick up that West is a no-nonsense leader, that Axel isn’t a flashy fighter but gets the job done, that East is fairly young and doesn’t take fighting seriously, and that One is willing to leave others behind if she thinks she can do it better. - For Carolina’s convo with One this ep about her “not willing to work on a team” either swap One with East or change it to “you need to listen to your team more. Don’t assume that you immediately now what’s best” - At the end of training, when Axel says “the guards were priority #1″ One should say “I knew you could handle it.” and Axel could respond with “Well, it’d be nice if you let me know that.” to show that One can work well as 2nd in command, but needs to communicate and stop assuming things. -Also should change Axel’s warning line about her enhancements to “Don’t push yourself. Remember what happened last time?” to enforce that this is a habit, and that while he cares about her, he’s not trying to boss her around as much. -Don’t reveal that East is West’s daughter until Raymond and West talk. That way, there’s a bit more emotional weight, and Ray’s line of “I was digging through the team files” makes more sense if Carolina doesn’t drop that info in the previous scene. - When Axel talks about the experiments East went through, he should mention that he was there for some of them. Dropping more foreshadowing for the Axel/Zero reveal! - Carolina drops Zero’s name in their convo, and we get a shot of Axel’s hand tightening on his weapon, showing the audience that the name means something to him, but we don’t know why.

EP 3: Duo

The Good: First 3rd of the ep? Really good. I love One being rude to Carolina, and then gaining a grudging respect. West and Raymond are, again, the best dynamic. How? I honestly have no idea. The car looks so stupid in the funniest way, I hate it but I love it. Also god yes Axel and Zero’s relationship is so wholesome and could be the best thing in this season. One’s warning call to the facility? The funniest shit. And Zero’s dialogue is hella cliched, but it works bc he’s obv such a dramatic bitch.

The Bad: HOLY HELL THE DIALOGUE. First, One and East’s fight? garbage. Very forced. Super hard to believe these two are real people. Carolina and West literally repeat the exact same line, less than 5 seconds apart. The dishwasher joke West makes does NOT at all work, it’s too tonally dissonant.

Story Changes: - Obv. need to change One and East’s convo. End it with “Without your power, you wouldn’t even be on this team!” East should storm off or almost attack One, requiring Axel to diffuse. - It’d also be really nice to get a line where One acknowledges that she went too far with that, but puts off apologizing to East. It’d be a nod that she’s good at reflecting and assessing, but too proud to actually take her words back. - I’d like to make Raymond more panicked when they find Wash. It’d help sell that he’s in bad shape and add more weight to “He’s got a heartbeat!” - Maybe re-work Phase and Zero’s conversation a bit. The dialogue is definitely not this season’s strong suit. - Pull Carolina’s “I’m just trying to help, East.” since it’s more impactful for East to storm off immediately and West says the line a couple seconds later. And change East’s dialogue to “You may be my CO, but don’t try to be my dad. Not after what you’ve done.” Or something similar. - For the dishwasher gag in the meeting, either pull it or double down. It’d work so much better if someone asks “Are you serious about this? Aren’t there more important things to discuss?” and West just deadpans. “This is of the upmost importance. If we can’t keep this base clean, how can we be expected to do anything else?!” and then Carolina clears her throat super loud and West goes “...Right. Rookie? Take it from here.” - Rework the “Carolina stay behind” dialogue. Even just a “Carolina. You’re still recovering. If you get hurt again, it’ll just be longer till you can take these bastards down. Keep an eye on Wash, will you?” I just couldn’t get behind the wording of “we need you here. With wash” It sounds like every cliched “woman must stay behind while the manly men save everyone!” Might be personal preference but just ew. - Add a scene where One notices Axel being a bit off (bc he’s worried about Zero being a part of the bad guy team) and she asks if he’s okay. He brushes her off, says its nothing. She goes “alright, i trust you.” - Maybe make the flashback a bit more apparent? There was a moment in the middle where I questioned whether or not it was a flashback. Again, could be a me problem.

EP 4: Encounter

The Good: The fight scenes continue to be absolute standouts. The varied environments, the movement, the dynamics on point. Wish we could’ve saw a bit more from Axel, but as is the scene worked well. The framing of the ep was good too, cutting between the mission and the fallout. And Ray, resident coward, immediately squaring up without a thought after West got injured? *chef’s kiss*. THAT is good character development. THAT is an amazing way to establish their relationship without telling us outright. Go feral, my boy! And Tiny and Raymond’s convo was so cute. I love how, despite what he says, Ray is there for his team and always willing to help. Carolina and One’s convo was also pretty decent. It got a bit long and over-explainy on Carolina’s end, but there were some pretty good moments.

The Bad: The fight after the mission failure was SO over-acted. Too much motion, to many camera angles. It changed what should have been tense arguments to hilarious melodrama. This has been a consistent problem, but it REALLY affects this scene in particular. And the second Axel enters the scene it just immediately goes downhill.

Story Changes: - Add a line from West in the beginning scene like “I’ll cut them off!” to explain why he isn’t in the car too. This also means it’s not as out-of-nowhere when West shows up to trash the car. - One should call out Axel instead of East. If she’s his daughter, she should be able to tell when he’s acting off. And she would have an easier time connecting the dots between Axel and Zero. - Instead of “I trusted you.” One should say “You lied to me.” 1) He’s her dad. One lie isn’t gonna break her total trust. 2) This would imply it’s the first time he’s lied to her, adding more weight to the whole situation 3) It’s way more accusatory and less cliched (if only a bit) - Add in a “One, wait!” bc I am a sucker for it and we could hear the guilt in his voice, rather than the weird scene where the girls make him spin around by bumping into him. - It’d also be nice if Ray stayed back for a bit before leaving, so we got a bit of his feelings on the matter. I mean, obviously he cares a lot about West, but does he blame Axel for not being there to help? It’d be nice to know!

TL;DR The best parts of the episodes are the fight scenes, and when they focus on the fun team dynamics. The worst parts are dialogue (mostly the serious bits) and over-animating, as this takes away from the drama.

I don’t mind the cheesy villains, but that may not be the case for everyone.

The best part of RVB has always been the rag-tag found family dynamics. While the fight scenes are cool, they have always been supplemental to the real meat of the show. The writers are trying something new with the whole “actual family” but you have got to focus on and develop these relationships if you want fans to care.

Mostly, I see a lot of potential in these characters, but there are GLARING issues in this season that are holding them back.

[regrettablewritings]

Podcasts, Youtubes, and TV Shows to Distract Yourself With Because Why Not, and Also Because I Wanna Blab About Some of These

Since I can’t go to work and horrify my coworkers/make them realize I’m a mess and/or nerd by telling them about the type of media I’m into, I’m foisting my recommendations on all of y’all who choose to read this. I frankly do not care how many people have actually heard of these things because I’m also sure there’s plenty of people who, like me, are very slow and oblivious to entertainment, or who have heard of the property but were never that convinced.

Kipo and the Age of the Wonderbeasts

Type: TV series

200 years after a mysterious yet earth-shattering event, much of humanity has taken to living beneath the surface in communities called burrows, wherein life goes on, if effected somewhat by the bizarre fauna that exists above them (referred to as “mutes”, short for “mutant”). One burrow girl, Kipo, founds her world turned almost literally inside-out when she finds herself not only separated from her father and the only world she’s ever known, but on the surface, no less. What ensues is her trying to find her way back home with the help of a stony-faced little girl with a massive chip on her shoulder; a music enthusiast and his literal gadfly friend; and some . . . unusual allies that only an oblivious optimist like Kipo could make. All to a kickass soundtrack, a beautiful backdrop of art, and a world where animals have basically evolved into gangs under a looming threat known as Scarlemagne. If you can’t already tell, I love this series to bits and now is the perfect time for people to get into it and encourage another season of it. Just . . . don’t think too hard that whatever happened to cause the Event in the show happened in October 2020 . . .

Available on: Netflix

My Dad Wrote a Porno

Type: Podcast

This should go without saying, but this podcast is definitely meant for more mature audiences. Or somebody with a strong stomach. Not that it’ll always be easy to tell with the type of content this series gives. When Jamie Morton’s father handed him his manuscripts for his self-published books, he had no idea he was being given a pinnacle of a polished turd: It was erotica. Really, really, really bad erotica. But the ear’s trash is the heart’s pleasure with this bad girl, as Jamie enlists the company of friends Alice and James to provide commentary on “Rocky Flintstone”’s series Belinda Blinked, a drama chronicling the sexcapades of Belinda Blumenthal as she climbs the ladders (and men and women) both in and out of the cut-throat world of pots and pans sales. What follows is a goldmine of awkward metaphors, strange bedmates, and just an overall stampede of whiplashing events that somehow exceed expectations. Listen in if you dare . . . And make sure you’re in good company for it. Fun Fact, though: Daisy Ridley, Ben Barnes, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Michael Sheen, Mara Wilson, Elijah Wood are but a few well-known fans of this series! Nobody is safe . . .

Available on: Wherever podcasts can be found

Lore

Type: Podcast

Sometimes, truth is stranger than fiction. And what better way to be reminded of that, then to have the dulcet tones of Aaron Mahnke tell you about the lighthouse incident that the 2016 movie The Lighthouse was loosely inspired by? Suffice to say, this podcast could also be interpreted with some advised discretion, but definitely in a way that’s different from My Dad Wrote a Porno. In the centuries humankind has existed, we’ve managed to create a menagerie of beasts, both fictional and in ourselves. Lore explores all the many different kinds of events and persons and creatures we have to offer. In any given episode, we could be talking about anything from the bizarre story of a lady who convinced 18th century physicians that she was giving birth to rabbits, to something more disturbing like the life of H.H. Holmes. Or something as relatively innocuous as the relationship between gremlins and flight. Regardless of the subject, however, you’ll definitely walk away knowing something new, if bizarre. And perhaps slightly terrifying.

Available on: Wherever podcasts can be found

The Amelia Project

Type: Podcast

Congratulations: You have been made aware of The Amelia Project. If you’re not interested in this, exit the page. Now. If you continue, there’s no unhearing it. Good choice! A new interest awaits. If you don’t enjoy it, please consider the whole thing a hoax. Okay but in all seriousness, there’s no way to do The Amelia Project justice in just a simple description. The plot sounds quite simple, really: People want to disappear and start a new life, The Amelia Project is there to help – with a price. And that’s if you can actually get a hold of them! What really makes the show, however, are the people and the writing, and I’m not just talking about the almost childlike Interviewer with an obsession for hot cocoa. I’m talking about the clientele: I’m talking about the macabre-obsessed theme park owner who’s out for revenge; the cult leader who’s in way over his head; a Santa impersonator stuck in a miserable marriage with his own manager; an actual podcast character trying to outrun his creators. And obviously this would all be nowhere without the spectacular writing! I really can explain this series without blabbing on and potentially spoiling things; The Amelia Project is an experience!

Available on: Wherever podcasts can be found

LegalEagle

Type: Youtube channel

To be frank, I just like learning for the sake of learning, even if I may not always necessarily understand the topic or have any plans to use it in the foreseeable future. The big difference here being that at least this channel makes learning about the law fun and breaks it down. Headed by a certified lawyer (because what an age we live in, where professionals actually take time out of their lives to teach us common folk), there’s a multitude of series D.J. Stone uses to help break down the complex world of law, from reviewing the realism of procedural favorites (Law & Order, The Good Wife, HTGAWM, etc), to analyzing real-life situations, to even watching childhood media that has nothing to do with the law and determining how much money, say, Willy Wonka would owe in a lawsuit. In short, it is one of my worst subjects done in one of my favorite ways to learn! Plus, Stone hates business students and is perfectly willing to poke fun at law students so it’s all fun, frankly.

Available on: Youtube

Nando v Movies

Type: Youtube channel

Sometimes, movies are bad. Sometimes, they’re good. And sometimes, they could use a few adjustments in hindsight. Especially the nerdier movies where the directors may or may not have tried way too hard or way too little. And that’s where Nando comes in: Whether it’s explaining why a different villain might have worked better for a hero’s origin story movie, or analyzing how one seemingly small adjustment could’ve potentially made more sense in explaining characterization, this channel is always providing a new perspective on a movie or show you’ve probably seen and maybe weren’t necessarily too pleased with. (Or maybe you were – I enjoyed Justice League okay but I love the version he rewrote more.) Oh, yeah: Sometimes he does rewrites of movies or even series. So if you’re anything like me and you’re way into that, this is a channel you don’t want to miss out on.

Available on: Youtube

DEATH BATTLE!

Type: Youtube channel

Does anyone remember Deadliest Warrior? No? . . . How about that one time during lunch where you and your friend got into it over who would win in a death match between Superman and Goku? Good news: A buncha geeks did the math for you and have come out with the results! Specifically, hosts Wiz and Boomstick have analyzed the weapons, armor, and skills of each combatant in every episode, resulting in an ongoing series of absolute nonsense and satiation of bloodshed. The description is admittedly nothing crazy, but the amount of detail applied is honestly where it’s at: From calculating how loud Black Canary’s screams are to approximating Scrooge McDuck’s speed (I’m not kidding you), there’s actual thought put into the characters being assembled and how they might fair with their respective combatant. And it all comes together for an actual fight, often animated but always amazing. So if you’ve ever wondered if Thor could beat Wonder Woman, or if McGruff the Crime Dog stands a chance against Smokey the Bear (I’m…I’m being honest), then this is the show for you!

Available on: Youtube

Sideways

Type: Youtube channel

If there is music in that movie or show, it will be analyzed to a degree that, unless you’ve been trained in music, you would’ve probably never thought about. There isn’t necessarily much rhyme or reason to Sideways’ videos in terms of themes beyond music, but really, must they? Is it not enough that this man is screaming to the internet these wack and awesome trends he’s noticed in certain pieces associated with movies and musicals and the genius behind them? Could life not just be him explaining the symbolism of the instruments associated with the Crystal Gems of Steven Universe, or breaking down the cultures explored by way of the Black Panther soundtrack? Also, here’s a fun drinking game: Take a shot every time he mentions leitmotifs or the Dies Irae.

Available on: Youtube

Craig of the Creek

Type: TV show

In the woods of suburban Maryland, there exists a kid’s utopia: A place where horse girls are free to roam the fields, where a boy can be a king of garbage, and where children travel the sewers completely unsupervised. That is, until the dinner horn rings; then they have to go home until the next time they can return to The Creek. The show focuses on one specific trio (Craig, JP, and Kelsey) as every day, The Creek (and their own childish naivete) brings them new hijinks to experience. There’s a blissful lightheartedness to the show, in addition to a lot of creativity that feels like it was ripped straight out of your own imagination as a child (robots made from cardboard boxes, building portals using lights, etc). But beneath it all, there’s something just plain wild brewing. I don’t want to spoil anything, but CotC has some G-rated GOT shit going on the further along the series goes and I can’t wait to see how it all unfolds!

Available on: CN app, wcostream.com

And that’s probably enough for now, I think. Lemme know if you want any other suggestions, or how you’re findin’ ‘em if you take any of them up! Stay safe, stay healthy my dudes!

[slumberinglabyrinth]

A fun game to play is asking “How many main/secondary characters from a given fire emblem game can you remove (redistributing their role(s)/action(s) to other characters if needed) before the game’s plot either diverges too heavily from what it was, becomes needlessly contrived, or can’t happen at all” because it gives insight into the roles they play and into the overall narrative design process (since adding characters is a deliberate change on a order of magnitude greater than just assigning those roles to existing characters)

There are some obvious choices like Echoes’ original characters, but let’s look at Seth as an example.

Seth is a secondary/supporting character. He’s present during the entire game, is Eirika’s babysitter, but most of the things he does are minor.

Probably the most notable Seth Action that could be cut out without changing the plot would be helping Eirika escape Renais. Him taking a blow from Valter, it just being the two of them for the prologue and the start of Chapter 1, and them barely escaping on time adds to the tension of earlygame, but is there anything stopping Eirika from escaping on her own? If she grabbed a random horse to flee, narrowly dodged Valter’s attack, and lost her horse during the prologue map because it’s not one she’s used to (and one that’s not used to her), would the sequence of events be any different aside from it lacking Seth and some narrative tension (which is made up for by her being Completely Alone)? Valter could (and would!) decide to mess with Eirika and not pursue because he’s absolutely the kind of villain who would want to toy with his prey, the horse would explain how Eirika covers enough distance in enough time to actually escape, and her losing the unfamiliar horse because it freaked out isn’t outside of the realm of possibility and would also serve to explain why she’s unmounted and increase the tension of that sequence.

The only thing that’s even remotely contrived about that alternative sequence is Valter not landing a hit, but even that could be chalked up to Valter wanting to ‘have fun’. If we choose to have him land a hit instead and she takes damage during that cutscene, in-game it could say he’s wielding like. an iron lance or some other weaksauce weapon, which he’s, again, using to toy with her (incidentally, this could which in turn could be used for Eirika to springboard into telling the player about the weapon triangle (”I had trouble with that Lance user, but I should fare better against these Axe users!”) should and having her be the Heal Your Units before they die tutorial instead of Seth).

Similar minor changes can be used to explain away the other things he had done.

Eirika wasn’t willing to hunt down Colm after he stole her bracelet thing because saving her brother came first. You could have her choose to pursue upon learning from the locals that there’s a whole group of bandits in the area (which was the tipping point for her in the original game; Seth had simply been the one to ask the locals, not Eirika or Franz or whoever) or from Neimi’s appeal to save her childhood “friend” who went to the bandits’ hideout to fight them or steal stuff or whatever (and happens to be the person who stole her bracelet).

Seth provides tactical advice to Eirika at several points. Gilliam (among others) could easily fill this role instead.

When Orson tries to trick Eirika into handing over The Bracelet, she already begins to express doubt (’Your reasoning is sound, and yet-’) before Seth goes full detective mode on Orson. It’s already within the realm of possibility that Eirika would back Orson into a corner and force him to reveal himself (which isn’t even needed: all she needs to do is ask enough questions like “okay but why didn’t you let Ephraim escape?” until Tirado comes over and destroys the bridge, shattering Orson’s ruse), but while I don’t think that she would have in Seth’s absence, for the sake of argument, what if she had surrendered it to Orson?

Orson wouldn’t hold onto it because he genuinely doesn’t care about it, so he’d hand it off to Tirado and they’d they could recover it from him once he’s defeated.

If Lyon teleports in, grabs it, and teleports out (creating the plot hole of “why didn’t he deal with the twins?”, but let’s ignore that for the moment), the fate of the world wouldn’t be at risk because both bracelets are needed to do anything, and it would just necessitate them recovering at some point in the future (Lyon’s visit to Orson before the twins retake Renais would be a prime opportunity for him to hand it off to him so they both have it, and would want to uncover the stone so Lyon will then have access to it; alternately, Vigarde could be holding onto it and regardless of the outcome of that battle, both bracelets will be together (an ideal situation for Lyon, and one that doesn’t potentially reveal his hand like leaving it with Orson would)).

But! Seth also does one thing that nobody else could do: inform The Twins of how to access Renais’ Sacred Stone. Orson mentions The Bracelets being needed, but it’s not until Renais is retaken that Seth reveals the words Fado entrusted him with, and until then nobody else knows how to access Renais’ Stone.

So why does it have to be Seth that he tells?

It can’t be anyone outside of Renais because that defeats the point of having such a convoluted security system in place: the moment that information leaves Renais it’s out of his control who knows it, and people who are loyal to other countries are ultimately not loyal to the interests of Renais.

There are a dozen potential reasons why Grado finds out the bracelets are important anyway (mostly involving anybody using any amount of deductive reasoning, probably either Orson through “oh hey he gave The Twins these bracelets out of the blue, they’re probably important” or Lyon through The Twins mentioning whatever little their dad had told them about the bracelets being important pre-posession (not realizing that it was an Important Secret because their dad didn’t tell them)), but the game makes a point out of Seth being the only person who knows how to use them, and Grado making basically no attempt to take them back (or stop the Twins from retaking Renais beyond the token resistance put up by Grado’s soldiers during because Lyon wanted/needed to keep up the ruse of “My Dad Isn’t Dead”) during act two all but spells out that they intended for the twins to uncover the stone on their own because they didn’t know how to do it themselves, just that the bracelets were involved.

Anywho

Grado strikes quick and Renais had no real time to prepare. Fado was probably expecting to share the truth of the bracelets with Eirika and Ephraim on his deathbed, since he had no real reason to expect to need them to know any sooner than that. Ephraim, Kyle, Forde, and Orson are off on a field trip, so even if Fado would have told them, has no means doing so.

If she was the only person available, Fado probably would have told Eirika, but! If Eirika knew the danger Ephraim was in, she’d probably choose to forgo heading to Freila to regroup once she met up with Franz, Gilliam, and Tana in order to warn Ephraim of the danger.

By doing this, we (among other things):

skip the establishing scenes for Riev (and by extension ‘new’ Grado) and Selena (and by extension ‘old’ Grado)

skip several scenes that establish that Renais has gone to hell (which includes the introduction of Neimi, Colm, Ross, and Garcia)

skip the scenes that establish that monsters walk the land (and that they shouldn’t)

skip the scenes that establish Freila as an entity that is willing to/going to aid Renais

Have Eirika rush straight back into the jaws of a beast that is chasing her, a beast that only stopped its pursuit when she entered Freila and it couldn’t continue to keep track of her

Most of those are relatively inconsequential in terms of altering the plot (she’s taking a different route through Renais, but there’s nothing that says you can’t move those events from the old route onto the new one), but that last one could and would conceivably result in her directly running into one of Grado’s Imperial Generals, which would alter the plot. Eirika isn’t equipped to beat any of them at this stage in the game, but regarding specific encounters:

Eirika encounters Valter again. Amused by her apparent death wish, he fights her seriously this time and wins. She is either captured or dies, which results in a different sequence of events.

Eirika encounters Caellach. He fights her seriously because his sole goal is to rise in the ranks and gain power. She is either captured or dies (probably the latter).

Eirika directly encounters Riev. Riev, knowing the importance of The Bracelets, would aim to capture her and use her as a lure for Ephraim, who is also sorely unequipped to beat Grado’s main army if they actually tried. He succeeds because Eirika wouldn’t be able to beat him.

Eirika encounters Duessel. Duessel hasn’t started to have major misgivings yet, but an encounter with Eirika could (and would) ignite those feelings due to her ways of appealing to emotion. Duessel would either defect immediately or return to Grado to consult with Vigarde about the validity of this war, where he will likely be executed for treason (or at least thrown in a dungeon) by Lyon using Vigarde as a proxy because he 1) let Eirika escape and 2) questioned the judgement of The King. Oops.

Eirika encounters Glen. Like in the main game, Glen is persuaded by Eirika to stop this nonsense. He’d pursue the same options as Duessel, and if he joins Eirika he’d survive (a departure from the original plot). If he returns to Grado, he’d be executed/thrown in dungeon, and since Vigarde(/Lyon) don’t care for subterfuge in the same ways that Valter does, they’d make no attempt to conceal what happened to him. Cormag finds out, rejects the rule of Vigarde, is captured by Grado and suffers the same fate. Since they either both survive (and are recused by Ephraim after he fights Vigarde, perhaps) or both die in this scenerio, it departs from the established events of the game.

Eirika encounters Selena. While her circumstances are different this time around (Duessel and Glen are still alive and part of Grado, placing less pressure on her), she’d be likely to fight Eirika and (of course) beat her. However, in the event that she is swayed by Eirika’s chivalry, she’d be more liable than not to join Eirika than Glen/Duessel due to her steadfast loyalty to the king making her more liable to question if Vigarde is really the same man he used to be.

So it can’t be Eirika. Franz remains a possibility, but given the choice between him -a relatively recent recruit- and Eirika -his own flesh and blood-, why wouldn’t Fado go with Eirika?

So it has to be Seth, and from this we learn what Seth contributes to the narrative: acting as a voice of reason that prevents Eirika from (probably) getting herself killed, and he tells her and Ephraim what The Bracelets do.

Okay.

Maybe we already knew that.

I’ve neglected to address one thing, which is that I’ve made up most of the “facts” that I’ve used to support my “argument”. But that’s okay. It’s a big, ultimately inconsequential game of ‘what if’ since the game already came out and its not going to change. The end goal is less of having a clear-cut, unshakable thesis or proving some point to the world and more of the actual reasoning that goes into reaching whatever your conclusion is, and that’s what makes it fun.

[ettadunham]

A Buffy rewatch 6x04 Flooded

aka doubling down and not paying rent

Welcome to this dailyish text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and go on an impromptu rant about it for an hour. Is it about one hyperspecific thing or twenty observations? 10 or 3k words? You don’t know! I don’t know!!! In this house we don’t know things.

And today’s lukewarm take is that Willow and Tara should be paying rent, and Anya has a point. About everything.

(Okay, so I think that the Save draft button is actually broken on this website? Luckily I only got into a few paragraphs this time around, but I can’t believe that I’ll need to write out these posts in Word now. What’s next? Spellchecking? Proofreading? Planning and thought? Give me a break.)

Flooded among many other things is the first appearance of the Trio, our supposed Big Bad of the season, and… can I just say… I hate them so fucking much. Like, they truly and honestly make my skin crawl.

Of course, Warren is the worst of them, as we see even now, but they all joke about rape at least three times in this episode alone? And I’m calling those “jokes”, because the show is playing it for a comedic effect, as part of their ridiculous supervillain fantasy, which only makes it all worse.

On the other hand, I also kind of appreciate that these guys are our villains. Villains, who we will actually see put these words to action later on, and it’ll be sufficiently horrifying and repulsing. Which would be especially effective for an audience member who laughed at those earlier scenes before.

Now, while I feel like in today’s society, most of us don’t need that reminder, as we already know all too well what these groups of entitled young men insecure in their own masculinity are capable of, and how easy it is to radicalize them… I can see the argument that this might still come as a shocking revelation to some and a chance at self-evaluation. For me though, seeing the Trio’s plans of hypnotizing Buffy and making her their “sex bunny” played as some ridiculous gag is almost worse than their attempted rape and ensuing murder of Katrina in Dead Things.

Almost.

Speaking of Big Bads, villains and uncomfortable rape analogies… Willow is really out there, waving a red flag in Giles’ face now, huh. Giles blows off at her, sure. (And with good reason if we’re being honest.) But Willow threatens him. Giles’ face is a mix of a lot of things, but one of them is caution, and maybe even a bit of fear. He knows all too well where Willow could be headed.

(And then he just fucks right off to England without even leaving a note like “PS: Keep an eye on Willow, and don’t let her murder anyone. Unless it’s Warren. That bloke had it coming.”)

It’s not all bad though. Willow tries to support Buffy after her failed loan, and makes some terrible attempts to piss her off, just to make her feel something. Except that part of Willow’s concern for Buffy also comes from her unexamined guilt, and it only puts more pressure on Buffy to try and pretend that she’s fine in front of her friends.

Buffy is exhausted, and she tells Spike as much. She also asks why he’s always there when she’s miserable, which… girl… that’s called stalking. That’s why he’s always there when you’re alone and miserable. He’s been stalking you for a season now, and hasn’t even been subtle about it.

But for better or worse, it’s what Buffy needs right now. Not the stalking, but someone who she doesn’t feel any pressure with to pretend like she’s okay. Like she’s the old Buffy from before.

Previously with After Life, Buffy was asking for Giles and talked about missing him. Then, I commented that she might be thinking of him as someone that she could confide in. I think that that may still hold up, although it appears that once Giles is actually there, Buffy quickly assumes the same pretend position with him as the rest of the gang.

(Plus she already relieved that burden off her chest with Spike.)

It’s hard to explain Buffy’s logic here, because it’s something that I feel with her, rather than have the words to describe it. Part of it is surely that Buffy wants to protect her friends from the truth, but it’s also part of a larger narrative that she surrounded herself with. She also knows that she’s not the same, and that her friends noticed it. But if she doesn’t talk to them about it, that leaves her space to ignore it, ignore her trauma, her detachment, just as she’s trying to ignore her financial issues.

It’s classic self-sabotage and depression. At that stage where you don’t even want to admit that you have depression, because that implies that something’s wrong with you. And we are just not going to deal with that. Quick, let’s self-depreciate and make a joke about burning down the house for insurance.

Of course those financial issues would be better if someone paid rent for living there for potentially over 4 months now. Or at the very least had a discussion with Buffy about whether or not they should still live there.

Yes, we circled back to Willow again, but also Tara. This is certainly not a new hot take, but it is sort of baffling that these two don’t seem to contribute anything to Buffy’s financial situation despite living in her damn house. I get that most of Joyce’s insurance money just about covered the medical bills, but they also comment about the cost of living and… Those costs should have been covered by the adults living in the house, not by a finite and apparently very little amount of money Joyce left her daughters??

You definitely get the idea that the gang, and specifically Willow and Tara in this case, had absolutely no plans whatsoever beyond bringing Buffy back. They apparently expected Buffy to magically solve those finance issues when she was brought back, instead of… you know… thinking ahead about the teenager in the house, whose well-being they moved in for, I assume.

I initially was also just somewhat confused by the fact that they thought that pretending that Buffy was still alive was better than sending Dawn to live with her dad… But this rewatch reminded me that Hank Summers absolutely can’t be trusted to actually take in his own daughter, and Buffy even says so in an episode in season 5. They actually worry about how Dawn might be put into foster care if Buffy’s deemed unreliable as a guardian.

So, alright, I get it, they hoped that they could bring Buffy back anyway, but I can’t believe that apparently they didn’t even pay the bills out of their own pockets? They’re college students, sure, and that Tara obviously won’t get support from her family… But maybe, you know, take on a part-time job? And what about Willow’s family? Weird as a relationship she has with her parents, it’s still a relationship, so she could probably explain that she needs money to pay rent.

It’s just baffling. Even more so the fact that none of this is ever addressed, and Buffy keeps making increasingly sarcastic remarks about how everyone’s living in her house. Which points to her, Willow and Tara never having a discussion about whether or not they should move out or stay, now that she’s back.

On the other hand, there’s Dawn, and having three adults parenting her is probably better for now. Especially when she wants to do the research with them. Tara’s face is entirely too smug when Dawn opens a book despite her mom efforts, and is immediately greeted with some weird demon horn penis shit, or whatever.

(Which also reminds me of a s7 scene, where Dawn is having a slow epiphany of what Willow’s TMI involving tongue piercings imply, and Buffy’s like “Dawn needs to do a research thing!” How the turntables.)

Arguably the most reasonable person in this whole bunch is Anya though. When she proposes that Buffy should be charging for saving lives, everyone boos her. But you know what, that’s just a load of crap. And not just because that’s the entire premise of Angel the series.

Maybe there’s an idea here about how altruism can’t be done for profit, but if that’s the intention, then I’m once again calling bullshit. Apparently you either have a 9 to 5 job in order to pay the bills, and have food to eat – after which you’re happy to watch one (1) episode of television and write a nonsense text post about it, and definitely not go out to save the world if you also want to sleep. OR you can do the whole saving the world thing but also starve and lose your house to debt, I guess.

(The Spider-man comparison is also just weak, man. Peter Parker is a high school student for most of his stories. He has an aunt to take care of his finances, just like Buffy didn’t have to worry about finances in high school either.)

This also comes right back to the whole idea of how the Watcher’s Council is paying Watchers but not Slayers. Like, you know what, Giles. You could actually take care of this.

After all, you’re the one getting paid for Buffy’s work.

Oh, and bless Anya too for calling out Xander’s stalling and bullshit about their engagement. She’s right and she should say it.

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #138 & #139

Sun Jul 28 2019 [02:24 PM] Wack'd: So apparently the whole "60s issues colored Wyatt white so as a compromise let's give him a slight tan" was not an invention of John Bryne

[02:24 PM] Aleph Null: that's supposed to be a tan? [02:25 PM] Wack'd: That or he's covered himself in strawberry yogurt [02:25 PM] ThreeOfFour: maybe its the widows peak but is that Namor? [02:25 PM] Wack'd: Nope! It's Wyatt Wingfoot! [02:26 PM] Aleph Null: dang, you're a wing, and you have feet? [02:27 PM] Wack'd: Under Kirby's pen Wyatt's hair varied from a standard close cut to something vaguely Clark Kent-ish [02:27 PM] Bocaj: Wait. [02:27 PM] Bocaj: Namor has wing feet [02:27 PM] Bocaj: HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM [02:27 PM] Wack'd: His hairline's receding a bit, though I have no idea if this is intentional or just how Buscema draws him [02:27 PM] Bocaj: HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM [02:27 PM] Wack'd: *Anyway* [02:28 PM] Wack'd: So wait--I have questions

[02:28 PM] Wack'd: 1. Did Johnny drop out of school? Probably, right? I mean, he’s not graduating today [02:28 PM] Bocaj: Damn johnny is a drop out [02:30 PM] Wack'd: 2. Metro College is nearby? And has phones? Besides "Stan forgot about me" there's no good reason why he hasn't spoken to Johnny or the rest of the Four in, uh--five years [02:31 PM] Wack'd: I get the idea that if he's going to return you want to make it kind of a big deal, but I'm far more comfortable with the idea that he's still been around and just not doing anything superheroey? [02:31 PM] Wack'd: Because now it's just like "oh, I've moved on with my life but I should probably invite my old best friend who's also a drop out to my graduation ceremony" [02:32 PM] Wack'd: "By breaking into his apartment" [02:32 PM] Umbramatic: oh [02:33 PM] Wack'd: Anyway, Reed decides to give the ceremony (and subsequent chill sesh at Wyatt's place) a miss in case Sue comes back [02:33 PM] Wack'd: Look, dude, I'm sure she does she'll call first? Or leave a note? [02:33 PM] Wack'd: Whatever [02:34 PM] Bocaj: When you refuse to make the first move it involves a lot of sitting by the telephone [02:34 PM] Wack'd: In fairness she's deliberately gone off the grid with his infant child and asked that no one tell Reed‏ where she is [02:35 PM] Wack'd: Not really a lot of opportunities for first moves here [02:35 PM] Bocaj: Has he asked [02:35 PM] Wack'd: Also fair [02:35 PM] Wack'd: But I'm pretty sure when someone doesn't want you to know where they are, going out of your way to find out is stalking, and that's generally frowned upon [02:36 PM] Bocaj: Well like he could have asked someone to send her a message saying he wanted to talk [02:36 PM] Wack'd: True [02:36 PM] Wack'd: You make a lot of good points [02:36 PM] maxwellelvis: True, but the problem is this is Reed Richards we're talking about here. [02:36 PM] Bocaj: Since Reed Is Never Wrong in Reed's Mind he's stuck in limbo waiting for her to come crawling back [02:36 PM] maxwellelvis: He'd have to delegate it entirely to someone else [02:36 PM] maxwellelvis: because aside from what Bocaj just said, Reed tends to make a big production out of everything. [02:37 PM] Wack'd: John Buscema awakes with a start and realizes that nothing about the team's civvie fashion sense has changed in thirteen years

[02:38 PM] Umbramatic: shameful [02:38 PM] Bocaj: "Oh shit, fashion changes" [02:40 PM] Wack'd: 1. Humphrey Bogart was a major movie star and *definitely* has folks fussing over his hair.  2. I'm finding a *lot* of photos of Lloyd Nolan with immaculately trimmed facial hair.  3. Oh god Ben's a "what about the troops" guy

[02:41 PM] maxwellelvis: Just change the references to 'Nam-era stuff and he sounds like Walter Sobchak [02:41 PM] Umbramatic: yufoufgtpit;u;jo'piop [02:41 PM] Wack'd: I'm starting to think that last issue all of his talk about being old wasn't him being brainwashed, that's just how Gerry Conway thinks he should behave [02:42 PM] Wack'd: Which is not exactly endearing me to his run [02:42 PM] Umbramatic: rip [02:42 PM] Wack'd: Well that's ominous

[02:42 PM] Umbramatic: eeeep [02:45 PM] Wack'd: So, Wyatt's tribe has a name now. "Keewazi" (EDITOR’S NOTE: I’d apparently forgotten Lee and Kirby explicitly made him Comanche.) [02:46 PM] Wack'd: I'm sure that was talked over with a lot of Native Americans not just a bunch of randomly-picked syllables [02:47 PM] Aleph Null: marvel bad [02:47 PM] Umbramatic: marvel no [02:48 PM] Wack'd: "I haven't seen Johnny in about five years, so it's definitely socially acceptable to laugh at him"

[02:48 PM] Wack'd: That said, he looks like a friggin Brady [02:48 PM] Bocaj: Which is weird because Marvel Avengers tended to leave it vague and Claremont X Men picked specific real tribes [02:49 PM] Umbramatic: now i'm just imagining a laugh track at all mentions of johnny's hair [02:49 PM] Umbramatic: and it's the Tidus Laugh [02:52 PM] Wack'd: I will say this, to Buscema's credit (and maybe Conway's?)--there's definitely still in "old west" aesthetic here, but the outfits are not nearly as "I watched a movie once" as they were last time we saw these dudes. Also: smart move avoiding teepees. It's the 70s! People want efficient heating!

[02:52 PM] Wack'd: (We didn't actually see any dwellings last time. Mostly just Wyatt's dad sitting on a carpet in the middle of an open field) [02:53 PM] Wack'd: Uuuuuuh "kings" yeah sure

[02:54 PM] Umbramatic: big mountain boi [02:56 PM] Wack'd: And with regards to "warriors" [02:58 PM] Wack'd: Oh no, Johnny did drop out!

[02:59 PM] Umbramatic: poor johnny [02:59 PM] Wack'd: So the Keewazi are in Oklahoma so jot that down [02:59 PM] Umbramatic: oh [03:00 PM] Wack'd: Wyatt traveled a long way to go to a state school! [03:01 PM] Wack'd: That explains nothing, thank you

[03:01 PM] Aleph Null: this is just what men are like [03:02 PM] Wack'd: Also last time we saw this joker he was just Mysterio but earlier and worse [03:02 PM] Wack'd: So this should honestly be a cakewalk [03:02 PM] Umbramatic: good [03:04 PM] Wack'd: nerts

[03:05 PM] Wack'd: Fortunately it turns out that attacking Miracle Man himself breaks his concentration, so no more rock man [03:05 PM] Wack'd: Coming out to gloat--*always* a bad idea [03:08 PM] Wack'd: Oh wow so Miracle Man's new backstory sure is something [03:08 PM] Wack'd: He sought out a tribe of Native Americans who'd mastered "total mental control" and had dwindled to seven despite never having interacted with a white guy before [03:09 PM] Umbramatic: oh [03:09 PM] Wack'd: They agree to a free and equal trade of information, but once Miracle Man has learned all he cares to he murders them all [03:10 PM] Wack'd: Nice of Conway to leave future writers an escape hatch in case this one day turns out to be problematic

[03:11 PM] Wack'd: Which it did, I'm pretty sure, the second it was written [03:11 PM] Umbramatic: yes [03:12 PM] Wack'd: If nothing else this is all fairly on brand for a white guy.

[03:12 PM] maxwellelvis: Well, the next time we see Miracle Man is in Marvel Two-In-One #8, written by Steve Gerber, and he doubles down on the weirdness, as I've said before. [03:13 PM] Wack'd: That's cool so long as he doesn't also double down on the racism

[03:15 PM] Wack'd: ...sure

[03:16 PM] maxwellelvis: To paraphrase Rifftrax, "Either the laws of physics no longer apply, or [Johnny] is playing Halo 2" [03:17 PM] Umbramatic: these are superhero comics, physics are just a suggesstion [03:18 PM] Wack'd: Okay, so the philosophy at play here is kind of nonsense bonkers, but I really want to hone in on the "city he has created on these barren sands." The sands weren't barren! People lived here! They were using it! Christ, Conway!

[03:19 PM] maxwellelvis: Not by choice, mind you. Though I'm not sure if Wyatt's living on a reservation or not. [03:20 PM] Wack'd: Lee and Kirby certainly seemed to think so. Conway and Buscema have issued no statement on the matter [03:20 PM] maxwellelvis: And IIRC most reservations were deliberately placed in the most desolate areas the feds could find. [03:21 PM] Wack'd: But still, it's super shitty to talk about someone's home as though you could be using this land better. [03:21 PM] Wack'd: It tends to be a big anti-Palestinian talking point--"it's good the Jews came in because it's not like those idiots were doing anything worthwhile"--so I'm a little sensitive to it [03:22 PM] Umbramatic: ah, geez [03:22 PM] maxwellelvis: Gotcha [03:23 PM] Wack'd: Anyway, Johnny, Ben, and Medusa make their way back to the surface, and Miracle Man conjures some monsters for them to fight [03:24 PM] Wack'd: And then when things start going south he summons a cyclone to wipe them all away [03:25 PM] Wack'd: Reed Richards Is Useless™

[03:26 PM] Umbramatic: LOOK BEHIND YOU REED [03:26 PM] Wack'd: We're going to find out about that next issue, apparently [03:26 PM] Wack'd: And meanwhile, in Pennsylvania, Franklin without a high-pitched scream and then passes out [03:27 PM] Wack'd: Sue decides not to send for a doctor because "somehow I know he's alright" [03:27 PM] Wack'd: Good instincts, Sue [03:28 PM] Wack'd: Back to the main story! The cyclone harmlessly drops everyone off a few miles away from Miracle Man's city [03:28 PM] Wack'd: And yeah, the Keewazi live on a reservation [03:29 PM] Wack'd: And so Wyatt, Johnny, Ben, and Medusa build a raft and head upstream back towards the reservation, with Johnny using his fire powers as a "motor" for the boat [03:29 PM] Wack'd: I'm sure that much open flame next to a wooden raft is definitely a good idea [03:30 PM] Wack'd: I think Miracle Man might actually be the most morally reprehensible villain in *Fantastic Four* yet

[03:30 PM] Wack'd: A genocidal colonist and a potential rapist to boot [03:30 PM] Umbramatic: ew [03:31 PM] maxwellelvis: Next time we see him, he'll start trying to become God. Not hyperbole [03:32 PM] Wack'd: Apparently Miracle Man is planning on destroying the entire earth! Jesus!

[03:33 PM] Umbramatic: ah yes, the classic supervillain plan, blow up ze earth [03:33 PM] Wack'd: More mook fights. Medusa is kicking some serious ass this issue, effortlessly flinging around three at a time [03:35 PM] Wack'd: Ben, meanwhile, has gone after the Man himself--and this fight is too fucking good to deprive you of

[03:35 PM] Umbramatic: BALOOM! [03:35 PM] Wack'd: God I love me some Buscema punches [03:37 PM] Wack'd: Anyway, Miracle Man tries to get up one last time, but is spirited away by the ghosts of the Cheemuzwa tribe he wiped out, who hope they can cure him of his megalomania. Awfully magnanimous of them. [03:37 PM] Wack'd: Why didn't they do this earlier? shrug [03:38 PM] Bocaj: There was a character from Fairy Tail who was raised by a first nations esque tribe but then it turned out They Were Ghosts All Along so character was free to join the main cast [03:38 PM] Bocaj: Also I hate Fairy Tail [03:38 PM] Wack'd: Anyway, we go out on a cliffhanger, the thing Reed should've looked behind him that was a Negative Zone alarm light

[kabutoraiger]

usually i type up “final thoughts” posts like, immediately after i finish a show. usually i’ve already made up my mind about how i feel, i guess. but kr build is... a tough one to wrap my head around.

i went into build needing it to be really good. for me personally, rider hasn’t been truly great since fourze. i’ve definitely liked certain seasons in between. but i haven’t loved them. and so this was me kinda placing all my hopes on this 1 show to tell me that rider still had the potential to be incredible.

and... it was, in some ways. mainly in terms of character - it’s been a while since i’ve loved a main rider OR a secondary as much as i love our best match boys. their relationship is something i hadn’t realized how much we’d been missing in this franchise. we hadn’t had that powerful main/secondary romance fated connection since... decade, i guess, and nothing quite like ryuga & sento since kagami & tendou. even then, there’s only so far i can take that comparison. bc ryusen really is pretty incomparable to the rest of heisei rider relationships. build has a lot of showa leanings but it’s the main duo that reminds me the most of the olden days.

i mean tell me this isn’t some build lads dialogue right here:

and the rest of the cast has so many other standouts - sawa, who despite being severely underutilized is still wildly interesting and unlike any lady in rider in the past few years. gentoku and his several weird phases each of them iconic in their own way. evolt, who entertained me more than any central villain in rider ever has. (thank you papa dan the capitalist man for paving the road for more genuinely fun big bads. your contribution was invaluable)

soichi. though why i love him so much i’ll get into in a moment.

the way the relationships & connections are woven together in build is astonishing to me. the way misora’s childhood interests informed the fullbottles (ok, sure, a lot of That was half-assed as far as explanations go, but on the base level there are some affecting ideas in there). the way the best match ft. her favorite animal then named sento. the way sento & ryuga were seemingly destined to meet from early on. the way sento was built by evolt, and the way that was all slowly erased as he was rebuilt by people who loved him. the way evolt’s manipulation of his “proteges” so to speak mirrors nanba and his “children.” all these themes of being put on a preset path by some dark or terrible power or person, and having to fight to free yourself from it.

there are so many beautifully complex things going on in build. the ties into real world politics. the way the pandora box doesn’t turn people berserker violent but instead makes them lose their human empathy, makes them scheming and cruel. gives them imperialist notions of the ultimate satisfaction being war and conquest. the blatant “here, see for yourself, kids” about why wars happen - not for the greater good but because people in power want them to - and how innocent people will always get caught in the crossfire and be turned into little more than weapons to be disposed of at someone’s whim.

there is so much happening in build.

there is too much happening in build.

in the end, it throws so much at the screen that it was never all going to stick. you could make entire shows out of minor parts of kr build. the nanba children, ryuga’s origins, vernage and the dead civilization of fcking mars!! these could all be entire premises on their own. in build, these things are almost an afterthought. it’s dizzying, at best. frustrating, at worst. even moreso when you consider that clearly mr muto needed to burn time somehow before the endgame, which is the only explanation i can come up with for the collecting lost bottles nonsense and all that ungodly boring shit with sento’s dad.

how do you look at this show you’ve made, which has about 50 incredibly interesting ideas too many, and decide to ignore all of those in favor of dad drama, toku’s favorite dull as dirt oft-recycled plot concept? it’s mind boggling to me. and to think that time could’ve been spent deepening characters & relationships, too. letting sawa talk to utsumi. doing Anything with utsumi to establish some kind of consistent personality, to make us actually care when he’s revealed to have technically died in the human sense and had his free will stripped from him many episodes prior. letting misora & kazumi have a normal goddamn conversation for once. treating misora as a person with wants of her own and not just a cute little prop to stand around and cry over others.

letting soichi wake the fuck up!!

the intriguing tragedy of soichi is something that i kept hoping and wishing that build might address. being trapped inside your own body for a decade, watching someone pose as you, and with such a spot-on impression that no one notices at all. the helplessness, knowing that this entity is plotting something terrible for everyone on earth and just. not being able to do a thing about it. but the emotions most of all - what did he feel for sento & ryuga & sawa while he was trapped? was it real, if he had no say in it, if he could hear them but they couldn’t hear him? and what did he really feel towards evolt, his only actual 2-sided conversation partner for 10 whole years? how well did he know him? what wild knowledge of evolt’s weaknesses could he have imparted if he’d just WOKEN UP!!

and now, with the ending, it’s like it never happened at all. i suppose the idea going around is that someday they might remember. but that’s just... so nebulous. it’s not a merge of worlds if one is just gone. i’d hoped so much that certain outcomes might have carried over, just with different causes. gentoku’s father still being dead, for example. in the new world he wouldn’t have been killed by evolt but instead in, say, a political assassination.

it just all feels too simple. all that pain and strife just wiped away. maybe it’s hypocritical to complain about this as a ryuki fan, but. in ryuki, resets were established as a thing that could happen. and via the setup of the rider battle, what other option was there to end the series satisfactorily?

here in build, we were told that the worlds would combine, and that evolt would never have existed. but evolt was not the singular source of villainy in all the universe. this show which took so many thought-provoking risks early on is now apparently telling me that in a world without evolt, humanity is totally at peace. nanba was never affected by the pandora box’s light. he was just goddamn evil, because sometimes people are. i loved that about his portrayal. in a world with no war to profit off of, this man should by all accounts probably be trying to start one himself.

but that’s not the world we see in the final ep of build. instead, everyone is simply normal and happy, the terrible things that shaped them in another reality seemingly having never occurred at all, even the things (re: nanba children) that by all accounts still should have.

it’s a disappointment. it feels like the easy way out.

but at the same time holy shit that ryuga & sento romance ending and the idea of the others even just potentially getting their memories back is like my IDEAL tropey shit i am so into that stuff oh my god dude!!! i cried so fucking hard just thinking about it!!

... so. yeah. conflicted might be the word for all of this.

i wish build had been better. i’m not sure what exactly happened, in that 2nd half. rewrites, i guess? the command that it now had to be compliant with the setting of the next rider, and so whoops time to do a little reality smushing & for some reason throw out all the other plot points? demands to toss in even more fucking merch like it didn’t have enough collectibles and upgrades already, good lord, even kids can’t possibly keep up with toy schedules like this, can they, like by the time you convince your parents to buy you [x] it’s already goddamn obsolete in the show --

but it’s hard to deny that build affected me in a big way. i got tired of it, near the end. but i’m glad i watched it all the way through. and i’ll never forget the absolute euphoria i felt watching, like, ep 12 to ep 30 or so. that stretch was a highlight of this entire franchise for me. it was like i was watching something made specifically for me. it was beautiful.

beautiful just like the suits in this show. damn. 

if only sawa had gotten one.

[duhragonball]

The dumbest part of Terminator Genisys is also the most memorable, because it’s a title drop repeated several times in the movie.  Personally, I like this movie.   Watching T4, I couldn’t help but look forward to watching this one, because I knew it would be more fun.   But T5 was a commercial and critical failure, so I guess I’m in the minority.  I read an article yesterday that talked about how no one even understands why the movie wasn’t more successful, but I think the whole “Genisys is Skynet” thing sums it up pretty well.  I’ll unpack that under the cut.

So in the article I read, it talked about how there was a lot of “chaos” behind the scenes, but no one seems to know exactly what that “chaos” was.   I like to imagine a 67-year-old Schwarzenegger exchanging catty comments with Emilia Clarke, or maybe Matt Smith’s weird face frightened the child actors on set.  The article suggested that maybe T5′s convoluted plot might have been a source of contention, but that’s ridiculous.   Arnold was in Total Recall and Last Action Hero, and Emelia Clarke was in HBO’s Game of Thrones TV series.  They’re used to dealing with nonsense storylines.   Besides, they film these things out of order, and with a big budget sci-fi like this, half the shots would be in front of a green curtain, so they probably had no idea what the plot even was, good or bad.

I think the bigger issue is that they made a fifth movie 31 years after the first one.  How many movie franchises even make it to a fourth sequel?   James Bond, Star Trek, Star Wars, Batman, Superman, Spider-Man.   Some horror movie characrers.    There’s a decent list, sure, but they’re still pretty exceptional franchises.   Also, the thing I notice about a lot of these examples is that the rights to the characters were kept under firm control.   One of Terminator’s problems was that the rights kept shifting from one company to another, and all these legal hassles had to get ironed out before a new movie could be made.  I don’t think that hurt the quality of the films too much, but it spaced the movies out further apart.   T3 was supposed to cash in on the red-hot success of T2, except the movies came out 12 years apart.   That’s a long drought.   Long enough that a lot of potential fans would have moved on to other things. 

T4 was probably supposed to rebuild the franchise, alongside the Sarah Connor Chronicles TV series, but they were trying to do this without Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, or James Cameron.   But why?   T3 and T4 weren’t that big a draw, so why keep at this?   Someone thought that the rights to this series was still worth something, and if they just kept making Terminator content it would bring back the glory days of 1991.   And then the rightsholders would go bankrupt and someone else would purchase the hot potato and try all over again.

Somewhere around the late 2000′s, all these big shot movie people decided that everything needed to be a trilogy.   Maybe the success of Star Wars had something to do with that.  My biggest gripe with the 2011 Green Lantern movie was that they could have made Sinestro the main villain, but they waited until the very end of the movie to show him turning evil, all to set up a tease for the sequel.   Except there would be no sequel because the movie they made wasn’t successful enough.    So instead of putting everything they had into the one movie, they deliberately held back for the sake of two or three movies, only to sabotage the one movie they actually got to make.   T4 was supposed to be the first part of a trilogy, but it flopped, and then someone new started over with T5, which was also supposed to be the first part of a new trilogy.   Except it flopped too, which led us to T6.   I don’t know if Dark Fate is supposed to be the first part of a new trilogy, but it doesn’t matter, because now it can be part of the “Failed Trilogy” Trilogy with T4 and T5.

I think about this sort of thing a lot.   Entertainment marketing is always in your face, always trying to convince you that this new product matters, and you need to get invested in it, because it’ll be worth your time.   That’s why people were so pissed off about the final season of Game of Thrones.   They went into the series expecting everything to follow some sort of big plan with a huge payoff, and then the showrunners just improvised a bunch of stuff at the end.  So all the time they put into the early seasons just feels like a big waste.   The entertainment industry is aware of that phenomenon, but they don’t understand how to deal with it.   The solution is to make solid storytelling plans, well in advance.   The industry thinks the solution is to pretend they did that, and hope the customer believes it long enough to pay for admission.

I don’t know if the general public thinks about this stuff as much as I do.   Maybe they think about it even more, but either way, I think it’s possible to catch on to the game without being fully aware of it.   They made T5 hoping to remind people of how much they enjoyed T2, and people watched the trailer and saw Old Man Arnold and thought “This looks like that T3 movie my dad made me watch as a kid.    Pass.”    Or they were like me and thought “They made a fifth one?”   Or they thought “Where’s Christian Bale?” because they enjoyed T4 and wondered why the sequel had nothing to do with T4. 

A big problem with T5 was how they refused to call it “T5″.  They wanted to do a “reboot”, kind of like how T4 was a “reboot”, except that one didn’t do the trick, so now they were going to reboot it again.  That should have been their first clue that this wasn’t going to work, but instead they went in the opposite direction from T4.   “Okay, the new cast and new direction wasn’t what people wanted, so we’re bringing back the old characters from T1 and all the big special effects from T2, and we’re going to make nonstop callbacks to all the classic movies.   But it’s not a sequel!  No, this is a whole new story!  We’re starting fresh, which is why we cast the guy who starred in the original movie!”

Let’s be clear: Using Arnold Shwarzenegger in your Terminator reboot is like casting Adam West to star in Batman Begins.   I don’t care if he still looks good for his age, and I don’t care if he’s the only actor who can do the character justice, and I don’t care if they came up with a plot device to explain why the cyborg looks like an old man.    His age isn’t the issue.  The issue is that you keep putting the same guy in every movie and expecting people to think this is a clean break from the previous movies.   Well it isn’t.   Terminator Genisys is Terminator 5.   The screenwriters supposedly made a big whiteboard with all the timelines, and they didn’t count T3 and T4 in their “canon”, and the fans can make all the multiverse diagrams they want, but it doesn’t matter.   The only timeline in this franchise is a straight line that counts 1, 2, 3..., and this is 5. 

You can say, “Well it has to be hard reboot, because of all the things that contradict the previous movies!”   But to that I say “This whole series is about altering the past to change the future.   Literally any discontinuity can be handwaved as a change in history.   Kyle’s backstory in T5 is very different from his backstory in T4, but it doesn’t matter, because I can just say that these were alternate timelines, or it’s the same timeline that’s been mutated by all the time traveling.  Terminator Genisys embraces that concept, because Kyle’s childhood gets altered within this movie, so it’s impossible to suggest that T4 and T5 are incompatible with each other. 

And that’s what went wrong with this movie.  They were so determined to present it as multiple, contradictory solutions to the same problem.   They wanted this movie to be a reboot, but they also wanted it to be a back-to-basics approach, while at the same time they wanted to go in a bold new direction, while simultaneously making the whole thing nostalgic.   And in trying to check off all of those boxes, they wound up satisfying none of those objectives.  Audiences got confused.   If the plot didn’t confuse them, then the branding of the movie certainly did. 

The plot reads like a fan theory: The whole series has involved this cycle spanning 1984 to 2029.   Kyle leaves 2029 to travel back to 1984, and every movie happens in between those years.   Okay.   So what if someone from after 2029 sent a Terminator back in time to before 1984?  All bets are off, now, right?   John Connor won’t expect this because he only knows about things up to 2029.   And everyone has assumed that world history up to 1984 has been static.  

T5 introduces “Pops” a T-800 sent back to 1973 to protect Sarah Connor as a child.   He becomes her surrogate father, and they plot to prevent Judgment Day.    So when Kyle Reese goes back to 1984 to save her, he finds a completely different situation, because history’s already been changed. 

Back in 2029, just as Kyle leaves for his trip to the past, John Connor gets assimilated by The Borg  Doctor Who   a T-5000 Skynet.  I guess it was just waiting for him to think he won the war before making its move.   Skynet converts John into a T-3000, an experimental model that replaces and duplicates human tissue at a cellular level.    The result is a black sand monster that looks and acts like John, with all of John’s memories and personality, but now it’s loyal to Skynet.  Skynet sends T-John back in time to ensure that Judgment Day proceeds without a hitch.  

So after that, it’s basically just the standard formula from T2, 3, and 4.   The good guys have to infiltrate and destroy a building to kill Skynet, while a Terminator hunts them down.   Except this time the Terminator is John Connor, and he’s actively fighting to protect the infant Skynet.   They defeat him, blow up the building, and everything seems pretty cool, except Skynet’s still backed up in the basement, so if anyone digs it up we’ll be right back where we started.  

I don’t think this is too awfully complicated.  I mean, it’s a time travel story, like every other movie in this series.  The goofy part is that this movie tries to account for alternate timelines, and characters being aware of changes in history, and that’s a tricky thing to do.   For example, T5!Sarah is very different from the original version played by Linda Hamilton, but she knows what was supposed to happen to T1!Sarah, even though that version of Sarah no longer exists.  

And this is where that screenshot comes in.    See, Kyle has no idea what’s going on when he arrives in 1984, but he had a vision of his younger self during his time trip.   He somehow remembers things that didn’t happen to him, but his alternate timeline self.  This never gets adequately explained; Pops just says “Yeah, that’s a thing that could happen, I guess,” and everyone moves on.    The point is, Kyle sees his younger self reciting “Genisys is Skynet,” and “Judgement Day is in 2017″, and that’s how he knows when and where to go to defeat Skynet.  Sarah wants to time travel to 1997, because that’s when Judgment Day was originally supposed to happen, but Kyle convinces her that they need to go to 2017 instead, and it works.   Then at the end of the movie, they have to track down Kid Kyle and ask him to recite the same message over and over again.   That way, Kyle can hear it when he makes the trip from 2029 to 1984.  

And... that’s pretty dumb.   The whole movie insists that everything has changed and nothing in history is static.   We never find out who sent Pops to 1973, or who sent the T-1000 to kill Sarah and Kyle, but the point is that history got completely overhauled because of these things.   And yet, Kyle seems to think that he can arrange a predestination paradox to ensure his victory over Skynet.   Why would that work?  John was trying to arrange a predestination paradox to ensure his victory over Skynet, and then T-John was trying to arrange another predestination paradox to ensure Skynet’s victory over him.  But none of it worked because history is apparently too fluid for that to matter.   It worked in the earlier movies (or at least it seemed to work) because those films didn’t push too hard on the idea of changing history.    John and Skynet could nudge fate, but they could never push things too far.  T5 declares all bets are off, but it keeps laying odds anyway. 

I think that self-contradiction is what bothered movie-goers in 2015.   It’s a reboot starring the old guy who was in the first movie, and it tells a story of altered timelines while also insisting that certain events can be made permanent.   So people leave the theater wondering what the hell the point was supposed to be, and word-of-mouth convinces audiences to steer clear.   There’s also a lot of plot danglers in the movie, like the question of who sent Pops back to 1973, or how he knows so damn much, but the answers were left for a future movie, one that never got made.   I think audiences in 2015 knew that they’d never get their answers in T6.   They knew T5 had nothing to do with T4, and they didn’t trust the studio to follow through on any of this. 

Oh, and “Genisys” is just the name of a fictional operating system, one that promised to do a lot of the same things Skynet was designed to do in T3.   It just had a different name, probably to keep nosy time travelers from finding it until it was too late.  T-John didn’t count on Kyle having that weird vision during his trip.  Like so many other elements of T5, the title was just slapping a new coat of paint on an old idea.   It looked mysterious and intriguing on a movie poster, but you go to the theater and find out it’s just Skynet again, and we know how Skynet operates by this point.   

With all that said, I do like this movie in spite of the marketing arrogance that fueled it.   They wanted to fix up the franchise and failed, but the movie itself is fun to watch.   T4 takes a friggin’ hour to get started, but T5 opens with a big future battle with lots of robots, and then you see two T-800′s wrassle, and then you see a T-1000 kick ass until it gets corroded to death with hydrochloric acid.  John turning into a T-3000 is kind of bizarre to me, but he works as a villain, and his black sand body makes for some cool effects.   Magnets seem to be his main weakness, and the movie does a lot of cool stuff with that.   There’s also a part in the hospital fight where he whacks off the valve on a pressurized gas cylinder, and it flies all over the place like a rocket.   And there’s a helicopter chase.   I’m not hard to please.  

I think the big problem with T4 was that most of its action sequences were too grounded in reality.   There are parts of T4 that look like a present-day war movie, or some other sci-fi film, like Independence Day, or Starship Troopers.  The Terminator movies were all about cyborgs hitting each other with present-day stuff, like trucks and toilets and school buses.   T4 can’t deliver on that, but T5 can, which is why I like 5 better than 4.  It also does a better job at holding my attention.   Both movies use the same twist and reveal it at the same time.   Marcus Wright finds out he’s a cyborg about halfway into T4, and John Connor reveals himself to be a T-3000 about halfway into T5.    But when T5 makes its play, I feel like I’ve seen a lot more stuff happen up to that point.   It helps that they didn’t give away the Evil John twist in the trailer. 

[the-desolated-quill]

Nightmare In Silver - Doctor Who blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

Neil Gaiman writing a Cyberman story? What could possibly go wrong?

...

Fucking EVERYTHING!

I... You... Wha... What the hell happened?! This came from the same guy that wrote The Doctor’s Wife, Coraline, The Sandman and American Gods? This piece of shit came from him?... THIS?!?!

Look, the Cybermen are very precious to me. They’re my all time favourite Who baddies due to their timeless themes and limitless potential. Which is why it breaks my heart whenever I see them mistreated like this. I mean... Jesus Christ!

Nightmare In Silver picks up where The Crimson Horror left off with those two kids blackmailing Clara into getting a free ride in the TARDIS (yeah, that didn’t make sense in and of itself. The girl Angie says she’ll tell her dad that Clara is a time traveller, but what are the chances of her dad actually believing her? Come off it!). Normally I despise children (both in real life and in fiction) and this episode very handily reminds me of all the reasons why. God I hate these brats! The little boy (Arty I think his name was) is this big wooden dork and Angie is quite possibly the most spoilt, arrogant, ungrateful little shit I think I’ve ever seen. She’s travelled to another planet in a spaceship that’s bigger on the inside, and what’s her reaction? ‘Oh this is so boooooooring! Oh Clara you’re so stupid! You always spoil everything! I want to go home!’ Oh go fuck yourself, you moaning little bastard! What’s worse is that these kids don’t actually play any sort of role other than needing to be rescued. You know characterisation has gone seriously wrong when their personalities are actually improved by Cyberfication.

Speaking of which, let’s talk about the new Cybermen. While I do prefer the RTD Cybermen in terms of design, these new ones are quite cool. More robotic looking this time around and I’m fascinated by the suggestion that at this point in their history they’re less cyborgs and more biomechanical, converting flesh directly into metal. It’s been a running thing that each new Cyber design in the series represents another advancement in their evolution, and this feels like a very logical leap to me. I also really like the Cybermites. Much prefer them to the Cybermats, which I’ve never liked. What I really don’t like however are the superpowers. My jaw hit the floor when that Cyberman started running at super speed like the Bionic Man, not just because the effect looks like shit and there’s no way Angie would have survived being hit with such speed and velocity, but because it’s a leap too far. Same goes for Cyber body parts detaching and operating by themselves, as well as Cybermen being immune to lasers and upgrading themselves so that they can’t be electrocuted. They’ve effectively become an army of Cyber-Supermans. They can just do anything now. They’re way too overpowered to the point where it all starts to become laughably absurd, and because we no longer know what their limitations are, they become more vague as a threat, and therefore more dull. (Also how come the Cybermen never use their super speed ever again? That ability could have come in useful multiple times).

Actually I tell a lie. They do bring back one limitation from the classic series. It’s... hmph... their weakness against gold.

For those of you who don’t know, in the classic series they introduced the idiotic and nonsensical idea that the Cybermen were vulnerable to gold because it’s a non-corrosive substance that can clog up their breathing apparatus and suffocate them. First of all, since when did Cybermen need to breathe? Second, what does being non-corrosive got to do with clogging up anything? And third, why specifically gold? Couldn’t you clog up their breathing apparatus with something else? Like water for instance? And it just got worse and worse when it developed from gold suffocating them to gold just affecting them in general. Despite being bulletproof, apparently you can kill a Cyberman with golden arrows. Rubbing Adric’s gold badge on the Cyberleader’s chest plate in Earthshock was enough to hinder it, and there was one really low moment in Silver Nemesis where the Cybermen were destroyed by Ace using some gold coins and a slingshot. It’s quite possibly the most embarrassing aspect of Cyber lore and it makes me cringe whenever I think about it, so you can probably imagine my relief when the Cybermen first arrived in New Who back in 2006 and there wasn’t a single mention of gold anywhere.

Now imagine my horror and disappointment when the Doctor is able to briefly incapacitate the Cyber-Planner inside his head by slapping a golden ticket on his face. And somehow Gaiman managed to make it even worse by implying that cleaning fluid can have the same effect. Yes. Cleaning fluid. So the Cybermen are an unstoppable force that will not rest until they’ve hunted you down and converted you, and you should be very afraid of them... unless you’ve got a bottle of Toilet Duck to hand, in which case you’re basically fine.

Yes the Cyber-Planner makes its first appearance since The Invasion way back in the 1960s. It’s no longer a brain inside a giant metal apparatus however. It’s now a Cyber hive mind/network that assimilates other beings into its consciousness, mostly children in order to use their imaginations for military strategies. Until it catches sight of the Doctor that is and tries to assimilate him. Which leads to quite possibly the worst thing about this episode. Mr. Clever. 

The Doctor being cyber-converted could be legitimately frightening, seeing this manic, warm hearted adventurer become a cold, calculating menace. Unfortunately that’s not what we end up getting. Instead we end up getting more of Matt Smith’s goofy bollocks. Mr. Clever (ugh) is just too emotional. He’s not his own character. He’s just the Doctor but evil. What’s even weirder is that the Cyber-Planner talks about how emotions are useless and that everyone is better off without them whilst it’s displaying emotion. It’s really inconsistent. I was astounded by the number of critics at the time praising Matt Smith for his performance because I honestly thought it was one of the worst things I’ve ever seen. Watching him yelling and gurning his lines like an insecure pantomime villain was just embarrassing, and it shows a complete lack of understanding of who the Cybermen are (and I don’t just mean the whole emotions thing). As I’ve said numerous times in the past, the Cybermen aren’t evil like the Daleks. They’re altruistic foes. They honestly believe what they’re doing is helping us. That’s what makes them so frightening. By making the Cyber-Planner the default cackling baddie who’s evil just because, it makes the Cybermen less interesting and, as a result, less scary.

Speaking of actors giving bad performances, Jenna Coleman, I know you’ve been lumbered with a really shit character, but can you at least try to deliver your lines in a manner that isn’t smug or smarmy. Every single line has this air of snugness about it, which is irritating in and of itself, but there are occasions where it becomes really inappropriate. There are Cybermen about to breach the comical castle and the kids are in danger, and yet Clara is wandering around without a care in the world. Um Clara, shouldn’t you be panicking? Just a little? And there’s one really shocking moment where one of the soldiers informs her that someone has died, and Clara doesn’t even so much as react. In fact she’s surprisingly glib about the whole thing. I don’t know if it’s bad acting or bad directing. All I know is somebody fucked up. (Also I could have done without the bit at the end where the Doctor describes Clara as a mystery inside an enigma wrapped in a skirt that’s a bit too tight. Just... ew).

Beyond that, there isn’t really a whole lot to discuss. The theme park setting is nice, but we don’t really get to explore much of it. Jason Watkins is always good in everything he’s in, but he’s barely in this before he gets converted and is left to stand silently in the background with the kids. In fact the whole thing feels really rushed and under-developed. The punishment squad could have been interesting to explore, particularly in the context of the setting. It’s 1000 years after the Cyber Wars. The Cybermen have become the equivalent of mythological bogeymen, and now this rag tag group of failures and rejects are about to come face to face with their worst fear. The return of the long thought extinct Cybermen, now more powerful than ever. Think of the drama you could wring out of that. Instead they barely get a look in. They’re just a bunch of nameless redshirts that we don’t give a shit about. Same goes for Porridge. Warrick Davis gives a decent performance, but his character just isn’t very well developed. You could have expanded his character greatly. Given him a whole arc with him coming to terms with the horrible decisions he made in order to end the Cyber Wars (wait. He’s over a 1000 years old? Well I suppose if Liz 10 can survive well past 300 years in The Beast Below, I guess it’s possible) and finally reaccepting his position as Emperor. Instead it just feels like he’s going through the motions. He never actually changes or evolves. He just returns to being Emperor because... the script said so.

Nightmare In Silver is bad. Like Revenge Of The Cybermen/Silver Nemesis bad. The plot is weak, the characters are under-developed, the kids are annoying, the Doctor and Clara are still just as obnoxious as ever, and they completely botch the Cybermen. I pity anyone who tries to write a Cyberman story in the future after this disaster.

[snarktheater]

Carve the Mark — Part 3 (Chapters 17-20)

We finally have what looks like a plot started, maybe we can actually…do something useful?

She was wearing a muted blue dress with sleeves that stopped just above the elbow, so when Akos’s hand swung forward to grab her arm, he made sure his grip settled where the fabric stopped. […] there wasn’t much Cyra Noavek could do to take away from her looks, and he was pretty sure she knew that. No point in denying the obvious, after all.

And if you thought I was kidding…no, really, this is going to be mostly romance with very little plot thrown in. For instance, we have our protagonists going into the cockpit to watch as their spaceship goes straight into the current, which is a religious experience for the Shotet. And it's basically…this scene from Final Fantasy X.

Except that scene was a villain trying to woo Yuna, where this is the protagonists bonding? Make of that what you will.

Also, angst. Can't go anywhere without angst.

[Akos] felt separate, though—not just because he was Thuvhesit and they were Shotet, but because they could feel the hum-buzz of the current and he couldn’t. […] And then she said something strange. Breathlessly, and with reverence: “You feel like silence.”

The book hasn't even committed to Akos's angst regarding being cut off from the current, so…okay? I don't really feel much about that.

But there's yet more angst to be had, as they go back to her room and Akos watches the news while Cyra showers, and sees a gathering of oracles on Tepes, which includes his mom. Yeah, turns out I misread earlier (or the book wasn't specific enough; I don't care enough to check for sure) and the oracle who killed herself isn't Sifa, it's the old Thuvhesit oracle. Remember how there are three, one rising, one sitting, one falling? Yeah, it's the last one. She wasn't even dignified with a name, so you'll excuse my confusion.

Anyway, Sifa's the only oracle from Thuvhe left since Eijeh is a little busy being brainwashed and all. And the reason for this gathering is that the Assembly wants more transparency from the oracles.

It was an old complaint of his mother’s, that the Assembly was always trying to interfere with the oracles, that they couldn’t stand that there was one thing left in the galaxy they couldn’t regulate.

Which is…an interesting point if we actually got to see that interference. As it stands, though, it mostly sounds like the (presumably elected) government just wants the people with the massively useful power of knowing the future to show some transparency.

Akos himself is pretty bitter that Sifa let her family be torn apart, which…yeah, makes sense.

She had let her husband die, let the falling oracle sacrifice herself, let a son—now Ryzek’s very best weapon—be kidnapped, instead of offering herself in his place. Fates be damned, Akos thought. She was supposed to be their mother.

Cyra sees him watching the news, just long enough to show some sympathy and to get this nonsense:

Cyra ducked back into the bathroom. He watched her lean close to the mirror to poke at a pimple on her chin. Dab water from her forehead and neck. The same thing she always did, only now he noticed—noticed that he knew it, that was; knew her routines, knew her. And liked her.

I know, shocking, right.

Now, there is also actual plot in there. Specifically, with Cyra and Otega tracking down that renegade, who turns out to be named Teka Surukta. She's a technician whose currentgift lets her interfere with all current-based tech, and that's how she turned out the lights.

Cyra explains to her that Ryzek will kill innocents if he doesn't find the renegades soon.

“Presumably you all knew the potential consequences of your actions when you signed up for your cause, whatever it is,” I said, ignoring her comment. “Whoever my brother selects to take the fall will not have made that calculated risk. They will die because you wanted to pull a prank on Ryzek Noavek.” “A prank?” Teka said. “Is that what you call acknowledging the truth? Destabilizing your brother’s regime? Showing that we can control the movement of the ship itself?”

In news that will shock no one, Cyra still sucks at being heroic. Even as the book tries to have other characters tell us that she cares, she just…doesn't.

Teka takes her somewhere remote, which could easily be a trap.

“Would she bring back a horde of renegades to finish the work she had begun during the attack?”

Because Cyra (and the author) doesn't realize that there are much easier and more effective ways to kill someone without violence, especially someone you basically cannot touch.

But…no, instead Teka leads Cyra to her mother, Zosita, who's the person behind that renegade operation. And even though Zosita knows surrendering will lead to her execution, she surrenders, because she doesn't want innocents to die.

“He’ll want to get whatever information he can out of you before he . . .” The word execute stuck in my throat. “Kills me,” Zosita said. “My, my, Miss Noavek. You can’t even say the words? Are you so soft?” Her eyes shifted to the armor that covered my marked arm. “No,” I snapped. “It’s not an insult,” Zosita said, a little more gently. “Soft hearts make the universe worth living in.”

Well you haven't done a very good job selling that philosophy in your books so far, Ms Roth.

They have a moment of humanizing each other as Cyra bringing up her dead mother, and then Zosita comes with Cyra, but with the promise that neither of them will betray the renegades.

“To answer your question, yes, I can endure an interrogation,” Zosita said. “Can you tell lies?” She smirked again. “I suppose that’s a silly question. Will you tell lies?”

She will, although, by her own admission in narration, she…doesn't seem to really know why. But hey, why does a protagonist need a reason to be a hero, right? It's much easier to have her be a complete authorial puppet!

But…off they go. And we switch PoV to Akos, because of course. Don't worry, it's not a very big piece of stalling—merely him finalizing his plan with Jorek on drugging his father. Specifically, Akos has already drugged him once, and he wants to do it again a couple of days before the scavenge starts to reinforce that it's not an isolated incident and really drive Suzao up the walls.

Also, more ship tease.

“You really don’t sleep in the same bed,” Jorek said. Cheeks hot, Akos scowled at him. “No. Why?” “Rumors.” Jorek shrugged. “I mean, you do live together. Touch each other.”

I hate you and your heteronormativity.

For the record: I didn't mention it earlier, but the book does have a token gay couple. It's Cyra's cousin Vakrez, who's married to a man. But the thing is…how do I put it…your one token is a bad guy. He spent two years "teaching" Akos, which we can infer wasn't a very good time. So that's not very progressive of you. But that should in theory dispel claims of heteronormativity, since no one bats an eye at it…except comments like these still happen. So…no.

Anyway. Vas comes fetch Akos from Cyra's room, along with Eijeh. He notices the drugs Akos is brewing and makes the connection with Suzao getting drugged, but Akos is able to say it's a painkiller for Cyra, and I guess Vas doesn't want to test it. Also, Eijeh is bitter at their mom for not preparing him for his fate but preparing Akos for his, which…again fair enough.

But he's also bitter at their dad, which makes Akos realize that Ryzek took his memories of their dad away.

Of course, of course Ryzek had taken Eijeh’s memories of their dad—he had to have been so horrified by his own father that he’d stolen theirs instead.

So um…I thought the memory remained even after the trade? I guess not. This whole thing is very confusing. Does that mean Ryzek is also losing memories of his own past? Wouldn't that…you know, change his personality, if he forgot about his dad's abuse?

Suddenly Akos’s hands were in fists in Eijeh’s shirt, and he was shoving his brother against the wall, knocking over a row of vials.

And Vas…does nothing about it? He's not very good at his job, is he.

Anyway, they're here for two reasons. One, Eijeh needs a brew to make his visions clearer, which Akos won't make.

“So Ryzek doesn’t have your currentgift yet.” “I think he’s satisfied with my work thus far.” “You’re kidding yourself if you think he’ll settle for trusting you over just taking your power for himself,” Akos said, quiet.

I mean…is he? If trading memories make Eijeh so blindly devoted to Ryzek, wouldn't it work in reverse too and make Ryzek empathize with Eijeh as well? I kind of assume that Akos is right, but it would be much more interesting if that's how it unfolded instead, wouldn't it?

The other reason…they want him to be around for Zosita's interrogation. Why, you ask? Well, Ryzek wants Cyra to torture her, and since she's rebelled against him in spite of his earlier blackmail material, he needs some more. By which he means Akos. Because he thinks Cyra likes/loves/cares about him and so he has Vas beat him up.

Eijeh had flinched that time.

Is…this supposed to matter? You're not consistent enough about how much of Eijeh's personality remains, and he's probably not going to rebel anyway.

But anyway, Cyra complies, and Akos passes out so we can skip the interrogation process. Zosita didn't give Ryzek anything, however (maybe because torture doesn't actually work, which Ryzek should know?), but now Cyra is feeling guilty about Akos being used.

“You’ll never be safe again. You know that? Neither of us will.” […] “I was never safe. You were never safe.” He didn’t understand why she was so rattled. It wasn’t like Ryzek doing something terrible was a new thing. “I don’t understand why he made a point to use me—”

Yes, Akos is still clueless, because of course. So Cyra kisses him.

“Don’t worry,” she said softly. “I won’t do that again.” She backed away, and shut herself in the bathroom.

Yeah. At least we've got that first kiss out of the way…but apparently not all of the romance nonsense, since she says it won't happen again.

And indeed, after we basically skim over Zosita's execution, with more focus on Cyra's guilt than on the actual death, because of course the book makes it all about her. More importantly…

It was a relief, to still be able to feel that.

Yeah, that doesn't really sell the idea that she thinks of herself as a monster, does it?

And with that we just happily skip to the start of the sojourn proper as they reach Pitha's orbit. And no, they haven't sorted out their sexual tension yet. Or even talked about it, by the looks of it.

I shivered at [Akos's] voice alone. I thought that when I kissed him, days ago, it would free me from feelings like those, by taking away the mystery of what it would be like, but it had only made things worse. Now I knew what he felt like—what he tasted like—and I ached with want.

Just TALK TO HIM. It's not that hard!

I don't know, maybe the book is trying to avoid Stockholm Syndrome, but…the feelings are already there, so that's not really working.

From that, we move on to a bunch of exposition about how Lazmet taught Cyra how to pilot (because…of course she knows how to pilot a spacecraft), and that Lazmet died during a sojourn in a pirate attack where only Ryzek and Vas were present. So…I think it's safe to assume there's more to that story, right? There's about a fifty percent chance that Ryzek killed his dad.

Then Cyra sees Teka from afar, and…randomly decides she wants to do something against Ryzek. Not something specific, mind you, nor does it have any particular motivation behind it, just…something. I guess this is our replacement plot since the renegade investigation is already over, and it's…not very satisfying, is it?

So she goes talk to Teka, and says she wants to meet the rest of the renegades. Teka apparently agrees, even though it could be a trap.

“How are we supposed to trust you?” she said in a low voice. “You’re desperate, and so am I,” I said. “Desperate people make stupid decisions all the time.”

Great argument.

But that's not going to happen now, because now is time to head to one of Pitha's underwater cities. And to remind us that the current really "chose" Ogra as a destination for the sojourn, which…is that relevant? No, really, I want to know. You can't just bring it up constantly and do nothing with it. That's what editing is for.

Oh, and this trip brings us another piece of information:

“Yes, you’ll find I have a high tolerance for disgusting things,” I replied. “I employ it regularly. I’m sure you do, too.” Yma closed her eyes rather than answer. But before she did, I thought I saw her glance at Ryzek. One of the disgusting things she tolerated, I was sure. I had to admire her talent for survival.

I don't, since apparently she can't even hide her emotions enough not to look at Ryzek. But yeah, apparently Yma isn't quite as faithful to Ryzek as she looks. Hopefully this'll lead somewhere, but who knows.

Anyway, Pitha's surface. Or…well, they're not on the surface, because it's an ocean planet, but you get the point. Ryzek's party meets with dignitaries, because he's revived his mother's tradition, while their dad sucked at diplomacy. Which is particularly important here, since, shall I remind you, Ryzek wants an alliance to invade Thuvhe.

And even though we're told Ryzek inherited his mother's gift for diplomacy…it doesn't show.

“We are all fluent in Othyrian,” Ryzek said testily. The Shotet had a reputation for only speaking our own language, thanks to my father’s—and now my brother’s—policy of keeping our people ignorant of the galaxy’s true workings, but Ryzek had always been sensitive about the insinuation that he wasn’t multilingual, as if it meant people thought he was stupid.

Yeah, how dare people judge your anti-intellectual policies and assume you are anti-intellectual yourself as a result? Clearly this is a good thing to get "testy" about when you're trying to secure an alliance.

As they're being shown around the place, Cyra gets another urge to "do something". In this case, run away. But she doesn't, because…boy.

But I couldn’t leave Akos here, and Akos’s eyes were currently fixed on the back of his brother’s head.

Yeah, and he can't be convinced, no, it's you who has to change your ways to fit his needs. Again.

And then…the shitty world building strikes.

Every culture worshipped something: Othyr, comfort; Ogra, mystery; Thuvhe, iceflowers; Shotet, the current; Pitha, practicality, and so on.

Yep. The cultures of this world are basically the factions, except with more nebulous objects of worship than five randomly-chose human virtues. I should not be surprised.

Anyway. If you think Ryzek is the only one who sucks at diplomacy, you're giving Roth too much credit.

The room I was sharing with Akos—the dignitary had given us a suggestive look when he offered it to me, and I had ignored him.

Yes, that's totally a respectful way to treat guests who you're considering an alliance with. Again, good job.

So they get to a "party", except worshipping practicality apparently means "no fun allowed", so everyone just stands still and talks. But on the other hand, they have drinks that might be alcohol?

“Dulls the senses, lifts the spirits. Sweet and sour, both.”

That's my best guess, anyway. Cyra and Akos hate it, though, because…I don't know, some kind of alcohol PSA. They also banter for a while, because it's not like the sovereign's sister might have anything else to do at a political function. But Ryzek does eventually call her so she can testify about the children that the Shotet "reclaim" during their sojourn. Yeah, remember the kids who can speak Shotet? They're still kidnapping those!

Cyra agrees, mostly because Ryzek threatens Akos again.

“My servant has shown himself to be a natural Shotet,” I said. “A good fighter, with a good eye for what makes our people distinct. His ability to adapt to our culture is . . . shocking.” “Surely a sign of what I was telling you, sir,” Yma chimed in. “That there is evidence of a cultural, historical memory in Shotet blood that ensures that all so-called ‘kidnapped’ people—people with the gift of Shotet language—who make it to our land find true belonging there.”

…And? Just because they can adapt to the culture who kidnapped them doesn't justify the kidnapping. It's not like the culture they're born into is any less their culture. What the fuck kind of argument is that?

Well, a winning one, I guess, because it gets the diplomat Ryzek was talking to on his side. Ryzek also dismisses the claims that hey kidnapped an oracle by saying…"no I didn't". More or less.

“As to the reason the oldest Thuvhesit oracle took her own life, we can’t know it. We don’t know the reasons for anything the oracles do, do we?” He was appealing to Vek’s Pithar practicality. The oracles held no importance here; they were just madmen shouting over the waves.

…Do you not know what "practicality" is? How is it impractical to see the future? Does this book understand the meaning of words?

And so Cyra excuses herself, feeling bad that she helped Ryzek's plans for an alliance, even though she knew exactly what his purpose was and should therefore have realized he was calling her to help on that.

Without meaning to, I found Akos in the crowd, still holding two glasses, both now empty. He smiled a little. I have to get you out of here, I thought, as if he could hear me. And I will.

Well that's a…weird transition, but okay. I guess that really is our plot now. Hopefully it'll stick for a little longer.

[tumblunni]

Okay, the game's writing just took a dramatic upswing with the introduction of Kara and Caesar! I don't think Kara's redemption arc is very well handled though, she just suddenly trusts the heroes and they trust her after her boss battle ends. I mean for all they knew she was lying about her sister being kidnapped, and she really has no reason to tell them that and believe they'd hell her after she'd been a villain against them for the last twenty minutes. And then the heroes have no choice but to fail to save her sister's life, and she joins them anyway, and it all goes by super quick and she only gets to mourn for like one line of dialogue. BUT SHE IS A BADASS CHARACTER So I don't frickin care how we got her, I'm just glad that we did! Its a nice change after so much of princess cisna's generic damselness, yknow? And then when Kara gets a role in Caesar's recruitment quest their combined awesome somehow makes the writing actually BREAK CLICHES and BE GENUINELY FUNNY She literally kicks a fetch quest in the balls! You get like three fetch quests in a row and then at the end the auction keeper is like 'aha but you won't really get my rare statue, I'm gonna be a boss battle now-' and then she just fucking beats the shit out of him with a bunch of way more self aware dialogue than usual, and finally ends the damn quest. You end up getting the statue for free, even! Oh and then we have our introduction to Caesar and his dialogue is 100% super casual jokey man having fun with his own playboy prince archetype. Its so refreshing cos everyone else is SO formal and stiff and cliche! He like.. Actually uses contractions and slang and stuff! I hadn't even noticed how formal everyone was until now! Its ridiculous that natural dialogue is something exceptional here, seriously there's nothing 'fantasy-ish' about talking like ye olde proper englishe textbook! And he's super friendly to our heroes and again just discards a potential fetch quest in a comical way. It looks like we're gonna have to prove the statue in the palace is a fake and we have the real one, but the prince is just like 'lol yeah I made the fake, they're right. Come in guys, pull up a seat on my fancy ass sofa in this room full of portraits of me!' And he's a lazy loafing comical jerk but he's already showing a load of character development and actual REASONS for being who he is! FULLY ROUNDED PERSONALITY! IN THIS GAME! HOLY SHIT! Cos the party remarks how the statue looks so real and he clearly put effort into it even if he's trying to play it off like he didn't. And he only wanted the statue cos it was a reminder to his dad of his deceased mom. His dad yells at him for not caring about it cos he tried to lie, but the party knows how they had to fight a giant mountain dragon just to get one of these gemstones so Caesar must have done that twice over on his own, just for his pops! And he just generally seems like a nice guy who pretends to be aloof to distance himself, and a sad guy who pretends to be too dumb to even care. His dad is really sick and he's clearly scared, so he keeps distracting himself with booze and nonsense which only makes his dad mad at him. I already care so much about this socially awkward family AAAA I hope the dad doesn't die, seriously it would be RIGHT AFTER our other new party member lost family too! Give these poor kids a break! Also: Kara and Caesar are ridiculously handsome. Just thought I'd acknowledge that! I wish this LP would do a bonus feature showing everyone's alternate outfits, yo.

[kinetic-elaboration]

February 24: Thoughts on 4x04 and Clarke’s List

I tried to write something short and then it turned into 2.5k+ of ramble and now it’s 1 am. Forget Clarke it is I who am, in fact, The Worst.

tl;dr: Obviously Monty should have been on the list but I’m not that angry; I enjoyed the story line regardless. I’m glad we’re back to moral debates that don’t revolve around war and I think this latest complication to an old S1 debate about leadership provides a worthy twist. The fandom’s reaction to the list, at least as I saw it, was particularly interesting to me. The reactions of the Arkadians were reasonable but so, unfortunately, is the list. The list is still in existence and thus still (potentially) in play. I love Jaha.

*

I wanted to write up my thoughts on 4x04 but I’m tired and I want to sleep and I have a feeling that it would get very rambly very fast so… I’m going to try to restrain myself and just talk about the Arkadia plot.

So I didn’t hate it, like I feel a lot of other people did? I thought it was interesting, I liked (actually really loved) a lot of the individual scenes that made up the plot, including every millisecond Jasper and Monty were on screen because you know I have my biases too. Also, even though I fully admit there was some lazy artificial-drama-creating fuckery, the underlying issues in the plot were meaningful to me and I think there were an equal number of subtleties there to offset, for me at least, the lazy bits.

It’s obviously very lazy to keep Monty off the list. It was clearly done to spur along the plot, to give these particular characters very immediate motives to do very dramatic things, and no, that’s not usually a writing method I’m going to praise. Not that I’m praising it here, I’m just being (uncharacteristically?) forgiving. I guess my general policy is that I’ll forgive plot holes if I feel like the bigger picture is compelling, entertaining, and generally well done (like the wonky faux-science in the Mt. Weather story line or, to use an example from another show, the reveal of the Big Bad in S2 of Dollhouse). The Monty plot hole here falls into that category for me. I just can’t get worked up about it even though it falls apart at the slightest inspection and immediately draws one out of the story.

Because it was clearly a plot hole. I think KS did a decent enough job explaining why he was off the list, but it’s not quite enough because, quite frankly, nothing will be. The Monty omission is jarring initially because he’s a member of The 100 but that’s not why it’s a plot hole. Harper not being on the list is also jarring and if Kane and Miller aren’t on it (and I kinda doubt they are, because I think Kane would be high enough on the list to have been read off by Monty if he were there and Miller…it’s just a feeling I have?), then that is jarring too. But it’s not hard to understand when you consider that Clarke’s in-universe view of the situation is VERY different from ours as audience members. We could easily list off every single still-living named Arkadian character and still not be anywhere near 100 names. Lol, we could probably save all the corpses too and still have room for some Grounders. And it’s always going to seem more important to the viewer to save the knowns than the unknowns (this is also the basis of my theory as to why Bellamy/Harper/Bryan’s decision to save the slaves in 4x02 was met with so much resistance—because we literally have never seen these enslaved characters before so it’s hard to care about them as individuals). But within the universe, from Clarke’s POV, mere allegiance to former delinquents, mere personal preference for her friends, isn’t going to be enough, nor really should it be.

(Another aside because this is a major sticking point for me with me right now: the insistence of prioritizing a few named Arkadians over everyone else is really working against the show right now imo. It’s very hard to get a handle on the larger community when it’s filled almost entirely by extras. There’s no sense of proportion. Why do the Arcadians accept Clarke as a leader when she has no moral authority whatsoever? Who are all of these names Monty is reading out and why are they important? How much information do the people actually have and what do they think is going on here? Everything we know about the Sky People comes from elites like Abby or Kane, or delinquents, whose experiences in this society are not representative at all given their incarceration and the events of the first two season. The show is desperately lacking a “grunt worker” perspective, a character like Gina or even Bryan, to balance this out. But they’re too busy introducing new Grounders every other day so I guess that won’t ever happen.)

Anyway, my point is that it’s easy enough to understand why Clarke would cut Harper, for example. (Even without the sick-Dad revelation, I still don’t really see what skill set she has that makes her high priority tbh…she barely has a personality imo. Sorry to abuse these parentheticals I have a lot of thoughts.) And I think, like I said, that a valiant effort was made to explain why Monty wasn’t on the list. But it absolutely doesn’t hold up. Yeah, he’s an apprentice engineer, but has Clarke forgotten everything he’s already accomplished, even with barely any training, even at 15, even after uncounted months spent in lock up instead of learning new skills? Boy’s a genius. He pretty much single-handedly took down Mt. Weather. He came up with the idea to use the Ark in the first place. He’s from Farm Station—a trait Clarke herself emphasized all the way back in 1x02—which is even more important now than it was before considering we have possibly as few as three Farm Station survivors and at least one of the others isn’t on the list either. I mean there’s literally no way around the nonsense of this omission so believe me I am 100% with people who are calling bullshit on this.

That said, it’s a reasonable price for me to pay for an entertaining and thought-provoking plot so I’m not that upset about it.

There are three things I really liked about this story line. Well, four, but the fourth is all of the opportunities to shine that Jasper and Monty had but that’s not a point of ~analysis.

The first is the parallel to the situation on the Ark in S1, which is obviously an ongoing one that became all the more obvious here, with Jasper and Monty taking on the roles of the Griffins in spreading the information. What I think is fascinating about this is that in S1, Jake, and later Abby’s, position was clearly portrayed as the morally right one. Jaha/Kane and their desire to keep things quiet was seen as the villainous position, and when Abby ultimately let everyone know just what was happening, the best of humanity immediately came forward in a tear-jerking moment of self-sacrifice that still makes me feel misty-eyed now, long after I first saw it.

But I don’t think the situation is as clear this time around. Yes, the narrative does push you to have an initial gut reaction that Jasper and Monty are right and Clarke is wrong, and that is generally the reaction I’ve seen among the fandom. It’s not that simple, though, because while no one rioted, man, they were pretty close. There is no way Clarke would have been able to hold back a rebellion against her illegitimate power if Jaha hadn’t stepped up when he did. I don’t think anyone would have sacrificed themselves; I think they would have destroyed each other. That doesn’t mean she was right to hide the information; maybe the problem isn’t even centered in the list, it’s centered in the secrecy. That’s a valid possibility. (It’s Monty’s position in fact: “Do you really think that’s what I’m mad about?) And, too, this isn’t the first time when the reckless sharing of information with the rabble has caused harm or potential harm: 1x04 Murphy’s Law happened, after all.

What I’m saying, or trying to say, is that this is another example of the leadership-problem ‘what information do I share, and what do I keep’ that I personally find interesting, a moral dilemma of the sort I initially fell in love with the show for, and which was pushed aside as the episodes went on in favor of story line after story line after story line about war. So I’m glad to be getting back to these debates about leadership/government/civic structure because this is my Area of Interest to the nth degree.

The second thing I liked about this story line is actually more about the fandom/viewer reaction I’ve seen in the last 24 hours. I think how people watching the show reacted to Clarke and her list was really interesting: suddenly it’s The Worst thing and she’s a Bad Person for writing it and oh gosh it was So Obvious this was Capital-B-Bad and it was inevitable that it was going to blow up in her face and we’re all in agreement it’s Morally Unconscionable to Play God and choose who lives and dies I mean wow Clarke the Fucking Nerve on you. Correct me if I’m missing something but I saw absolutely zero outrage about the list last week—you know, when she actually wrote it? I saw absolutely no anger toward Raven last week when she not only first mentioned the list but hounded Clarke about it, all but forcing her to write it (Clarke basically bargained for Raven’s blessing to go on the Jaha trip, promising to write the list if the mission didn’t pan out). In fact, I STILL don’t see anyone getting on Raven’s back about the list even though she was the one who, incredibly pragmatically and logically, insisted it would be a good idea. Not a single peep until we see the consequences of it, which, if they were so obvious, probably should have been foreseen. Similarly, Bellamy probably had some hand in writing it and while I know today would be a bad time to be outraged at Bellamy, given that both he as a person in-universe and he as a character were totally shafted this week, but he hasn’t exactly been the recipient of any flak either.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not necessarily defending Clarke here. She is pretty much The Worst at PR and this episode really showed off her most obnoxious character trait: her frankly astounding arrogance, which has always been the hardest Clarke trait for me to stomach personally. (Pride is the worst sin for a reason you know.) From a writing perspective, it’s good that Clarke continues to struggle with her more negative traits, but from a personal-investment-in-the-universe standard, yeah, it’s frustrating to watch. Jasper, Monty, and the rest of the Arkadians definitely have a reasonable reaction to the revelation of the list and I don’t fault them for it at all, nor do I fault viewers for revolting too. I just think it’s really interesting how the list looked so logical and unobjectionable a mere week ago, and now it’s becoming more real, all the emotions are welling up, and Clarke isn’t just doing something hard to stomach, she’s doing something Inarguably Morally Wrong.

The third reason I liked this story line is because the list isn’t wrong. It is, at most, ambiguous. IMO the best way to describe it is using Clarke’s response to the Arkadians: “It’s not fair, it’s logical.” I’ve seen some responses along the lines of ‘well everyone should have a say in who’s on the list,’ to which I can only say ‘lol are you for real?’ Everyone’s going to vote for themselves first, their friends second, and the list will never actually be written. Have you ever seen that Parks and Rec episode with the time capsule? It will be like that except instead of Twilight and pictures of people’s pets it will be real humans. If the list is to be made it has to be made by a few people alone (I will concede that maybe putting it on one or two people is a mistake—both because their biases might come through too much and because it’s unfair to put that pressure on even two individuals alone). It HAS to be top-down and it HAS to be secret.

And if the list doesn’t exist at all, what are your other options? With no system at all, it will be a free for all. Not only does that run the risk of a ship without doctors or engineers or fertile women, it also runs the risk of a ship without even a hundred people, because everyone just killed each other on the way in. The lottery system is possible but as Clarke points out, you’re not going to get a logical bunch. You could get a surplus of men or not enough farmers or whatever. If your interest is in using cold hard logic to give humanity as a whole the best chance of survival, the list as Clarke made it, dispassionate and practical and focused on the big picture, is absolutely your best bet and the fact that this startlingly unfair and even cruel to the people as individuals doesn’t really matter. Because no matter how you slice it 500 people are going to work together to save 100; there’s no fairness here.

Also as an aside: guess what other governmental structure was specifically created to save the human race as a whole even at the expense of imposing outrageously cruel and unfair conditions on individuals? That would be the Ark in case we’ve all forgotten.

Again, if I were Jasper or Monty or Harper or Riley I would be ready to depose Clarke too. Jaha’s statements to Clarke were 100% right: you can’t run this situation with logic; you need to understand the emotion at play.

But what I find absolutely the most interesting about the whole thing is Jaha’s solution and the subsequent exchange with Clarke. He saved her from being deposed, essentially, and he kept the camp going and he appeared to use transparency to do it but really that’s not what happened at all. The illusion of transparency was itself a trick. The list is still in play. I only watched the episode once but I caught a few very interesting phrases from Jaha. For example, when he takes the list from Clarke he tells the Arcadians to “consider it shredded” but he doesn’t shred it. Then he gives it back to her during their conversation. He doesn’t argue with her about the lottery being risky. He talks exclusively in terms of what the people need to believe and how a leader handles people. Jaha’s plan I am 100% certain is to pretend transparency while continuing to lie for the greater good: everyone will believe in the lottery, which (Jaha’s so fucking smart and pragmatic I love him) not only gives them a reason not to riot but an actual positive incentive to work, and hopefully a different solution is found in the meantime but if it’s not, when the time comes to close those doors, the option remains to pull Clarke’s 100 inside and leave all those other expendables out. Because what will they be able to do about it then?

I don’t mean this as an insult at all but Jaha was the same person who could give a speech about unity and working together one minute and in the next say ‘oh btw we don’t have space for all of you on the exodus ship whoops’ under his breath so no one can hear it. He is intensely pragmatic and a great liar with a really spot on sense of people and an excellent persuasive tone. If the lottery isn’t the best idea, and I think he knows it’s not, it’s not going into operation. It’s a tool, not an endgame.

…Not that I think the list is actually going to determine the end of the season. There is absolutely no way that any named character is going to be left outside whatever shelter/ship/machine/etc. ends up representing safety at the end of the season unless (1) that character is already dead or (2) it’s a cliffhanger situation along the lines of 1x13 and there’s at least some chance that the outside character(s) will be back next season.

Tl;dr: Clarke should have hid that list better.

[immoralrpg-blog]

Congratulations, GRAY, you have been accepted for the role of JAMES POTTER, with the faceclaim of JORDAN FISHER. James’ ambition is what really drives his character, and you knew precisely how to play to that strength without making him seem entirely like the villain. I like the way you played up his ego a little --- he’s a teenager, and those flaws made him seem all the more fleshed out as a character. His loyalty also made him rather endearing, too. Nice job! Please head along to the CHECKLIST for your next steps.

IC

CHARACTER NAME: James Fleamont Potter GENDER & PRONOUNS: Cismale & he/him pronouns (I do have some interest in him exploring his gender identity as things go on, if that’s alright) FACECLAIM: Jordan Fisher, John Boyega, Keiynan Lonsdale 

BIOGRAPHY:Born to older parents, who had always wanted a child and nearly given up hope of it ever happening, James was treated like a little miracle from the start. He never wanted for anything. Though he was taught he deserved the world, his parents also did their best to instill a deep sense of right and wrong in James to… mixed success. They were certainly able to teach him how to love and feel and want with his whole heart, without hesitation.

From his first steps into Hogwarts, James found himself surrounded by all the friends he could want, though he was still careful to pick and choose who he let closest. There’s a difference between friends and fans after all. And while the adoring smiles and cheers from most of the school were nice, James knew without a doubt who he’d want at his side should the world ever turn on him. He befriended Sirius and them Remus and Peter in his first year and the four of them were inseparable from that point on.

While school was interesting enough, James’ interests lay more with bending the rules or finding ways around them with what he learned in class. While his first love would always be quidditch, he was always looking for a new project to keep him busy. Mapping the castle was one such endeavor.

Then of course came the discovery of Remus’ secret. James would always beat himself up later for not realizing sooner. From the very start, it was clear there was something off with one of his closest friends. Sneaking out on one full moon toward the beginning of third year and hearing the howls just confirmed what he had suspected for ages. There had to be a way to help Remus… or at least something to do to keep him company. He was never sure just how the book of animagi found its way to him, but James wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. The process was a long, complicated one, and there were plenty of false steps and nearly disastrous mistakes, but eventually, he, Sirius, and Peter managed it.

Of course, it wasn’t all sneaking around after hours or running through the woods on four legs. James still had plenty of time to fawn over dear, sweet Lily. She was perfect, the girl of his dreams, and–naturally–one of the only people in school who wouldn’t give him the time of day. Still, James kept up the playful flirting, eventually growing enough to deflate his ego just a bit, just enough for Lily to let him in a little closer.

Though for years, he was sure the one and only obstacle between him and Lily was one Severus Snape. The animosity there was brewing from day one. James would push and Snape would shove. He was a worthy adversary, that much was certain, though James couldn’t pretend there wasn’t a touch of jealousy spurring him on. But as long as they stood on even ground, it was alright, then he wasn’t just a bully. They were more rivals than anything else. It was easier to think of it that way. Then he wasn’t the bad guy. Though the more he pushed, the more he wondered… what would be too much?

Sirius would be the one to answer that for him.

The night of the full moon, when he yanked Snape away from werewolf claws and dragged him from the Shrieking Shack changed things. They had been running unchecked for too long, he needed to change, to get better. James was no killer, and he would be damned if he let any of his friends end up there either. So he began pulling back, reining himself in a bit more. That left more time for quidditch anyway, something he needed as much as possible if he was going to make the international team once he left school.

Injuries here and there, including a particularly nasty one that left him bedridden for weeks, weren’t going to hold him back. For as long as he could remember, being a star quidditch player was all he wanted to be. Being an auror like his mother would’ve been nice, but his heart was always on the pitch. So imagine his disappointment when the talent seeker arrived and told him no before so much as letting him off the ground. They weren’t looking for chasers that year, the seeker told him, and really hadn’t James had too many injuries this year? That didn’t look good for a potential pro.

So James acted without thinking. There was no one else around to see, no one who could’ve possibly overheard him cast the spell. Like a switch had been flipped, the talent seeker changed his tune, guaranteeing James a spot on the team. James had accepted with a wide grin and taken the man’s hand, doing his best to ignore the strange hollow feeling in his chest. This was his dream, what he had always wanted, but… but he hadn’t earned it. Not really. Not yet. James did his best to force all that down. He could prove himself in time. Of course he would. And as long as no one else was the wiser, his dream was his for the taking. Now, if he could just make it that far before the guilt swallowed him whole.

QUESTIONAIRE

describe your secret in your own way.

James shifts in his seat, discomfort creeping along the line of his shoulders, though he does his best to fix a smile into place. “Alright, I know how it looks. And I’ll admit to it. I confunded him, yeah. He wasn’t going to even give me a shot otherwise. Said they weren’t looking for chasers this season, can you believe that shite?”

Scoffing, he shakes his head, sitting up a little straighter now. “Once I get out there with the team, it won’t even matter, now will it? I’ll earn my spot, same as any of them. I just… I just needed a chance, alright? But I’ll prove I deserve to be there and then it won’t matter how I got there. No one needs to know. It… it doesn’t matter.”

Maybe if he says it enough time, he’ll start believing it himself.

your family life. how’s it like?

“My family? They’re great.” James’ smile is easy and fond as he crosses his arms behind his head. “My mum’s a bit strict, but she’s the toughest witch you’ll ever meet. She worked as an auror for ages, only retired a few years ago and I still reckon she could take down any dark wizard who crossed her. Very proud, my mum, doesn’t take anyone’s nonsense, y’know? But she’s softer than she’ll admit. I think she was about ready to adopt Sirius on the spot the first time he came to visit, Remus and Peter too.

“My dad’s well… a bit more like me. But I’ll be damned if I end up as forgetful as him. Mum says he’d lose his head if it weren’t screwed on, and I think she’s got it right there. He’s brilliant though, a potions genius. I think he’s always been a little disappointed I didn’t take after him there. It’s not that I’m bad at potions or anything, I just… I get a bit carried away sometimes and add a bit more than the book says I ought to or change something to what dad’s taught me. Sometimes it works… sometimes it doesn’t. But I know he’s proud of me. If I end up half the man he is, I’ll be happy.”

expand on one ( or more ) of your connections. tell us about them. your relationship with them.

“Sirius is my best mate. I don’t have siblings and… I had friends growing up, but it was always a little lonely. It’s not like that now. Hasn’t been since I met Sirius. I expected him to be a right prick at first, all that blood purity his family goes on and on about. I never cared for any of that shite. But Sirius… he’s not like that. I know he can be a bit much sometimes, but he’s a good person. Don’t care what anyone says, he is.”

Grinning, James cocks his head to one side, his eyes warm as he thinks back. “We’ve been friends since we met just about. Sirius just… he understands me, y’know? I know I can be a bit of an arse sometimes, but he knows when I’m joking and I don’t have to hold anything back around him. He’s been living at my place for a while and I can’t believe I didn’t make him stay sooner. It’s gonna be brilliant once we’ve got our own place. Just the two of us, no rules–and we’ll have the best parties. Sounds a bit sappy, but… he’s my other half. Dunno what I’d do without him.”

why were you sorted into your house? do you think you belong there?

“Damn right I belong in Gryffindor. I mean, I’ll do the hard work when I have to and I’m not an idiot, but if there’s anyone out there braver than me, I’ll eat my broom. There was no other place I could go really. It only makes sense.”

worst moment of your life?

James fidgets, playing with the end of his sleeve, trying to force a smile, but he can’t make it stick. “It uh… it’d have to be that night when Sirius convinced Snape to go out to the Shrieking Shack. I never thought he’d pull something like that. I mean, we pull pranks on Snape and I’ve landed him in the hospital wing a few times myself, but… that was too far.”

He swallows hard and shakes his head. “Just knowing that he could do that to Snape and to Remus… I-I dunno. But the worst bit wasn’t until I got out there to stop him. For a second I thought… I thought I was too late. If Remus had hurt him or… or worse… I dunno what they would’ve done to him. And I can’t stand Snape, but I’ve never wanted him dead. He’s a prick, but he doesn’t deserve that…”

what can you see yourself doing in the future? what side are you on? order of the phoenix? death eaters? neutral? Why?

“Order of the Phoenix, obviously. I expect I’ll get wrapped up in the fighting eventually… seems like everyone does, but of course I’m fighting that load of tossers. You don’t just get to go around saying who should have magic and who shouldn’t. It’s not right. They’re a bunch of cowards if you ask me, too afraid to move with the times. The Order’s got it right, working from the shadows to take care of them. The ministry isn’t doing enough and that’s not likely to change, can’t be rocking the boat and losing the old pureblood money. Once I’ve had a few good years on the International team, I reckon I’ll join up with the Order, it’s the only thing to do really.”

what do you smell in amortentia?

“Made that in potions last year, mine came out a little weak cause I over did it with the stirring, but I remember smelling the ones from the next table over. Evans and Sniv–Snape made it perfectly, of course,” he says, failing to resist the urge to roll his eyes.

He closes his eyes, trying to think back, an absent smile spreading over his face. “It smelled like the quidditch pitch on the first day of practice, when the grass is fresh and the air’s clear. And a bit like the forest, old trees and kicked up dirt. Like those cakes my mum makes when Peter and Remus are over and that old leather jacket Sirius won’t get rid of. And… flowers, soft and sweet, and clean robes fresh out of the laundry and… something that’s a bit like the potions classroom, the smell of a fire under a cauldron…”

A slight frown replaces the smile as his eyes flick open. “Although… that part could’ve just been being in the classroom. It’s sort of hard to tell. I wonder if it smells different as you get older. I might have to try whipping up a batch again and see if it’s any different this time around.”

what’s your boggart?

James frowns, suddenly uncomfortable. The room feels a bit colder and his stomach turns unpleasantly. “Oh, that? It’s uh… it’s always different for me. Sometimes it’ll change a few times before I can beat it. Usually it’s my mates dead or… or dying. Or my parents. I know they’re older. Never uh… never really know how much time they’ve got left. Don’t like thinking about it, but I know they won’t be around forever.”

He blows a breath out his nose and drags a hand through his already unruly hair, sending his curls a dozen different directions. “Suppose that’s nothing too shocking, there is a war on after all. People die… doesn’t make thinking about it any easier. I dunno what I’d do if… if–y’know, it doesn’t matter, cause it’s not gonna happen. I won’t let it.”

[the-desolated-quill]

Uncharted: The Lost Legacy - Video Game blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t played this video game yet and wish to remain spoiler free, stop reading now)

Why can’t video game developers and studios leave well enough alone? Batman: Arkham City was a decent ending to the Batman/Joker arc, but then Rocksteady made Batman: Arkham Knight, which effectively took a massive dump over what made the Arkham series so good to begin with. The Last Of Us was an extremely good standalone story that ended perfectly, but now we’re getting a sequel that could severely undermine all the good stuff that came before. And now, despite Naughty Dog initially claiming that Uncharted 4 was going to be the last game in the franchise, we’re getting a fifth bloody Uncharted game. Oh but Uncharted 4 was only the last game in Nathan Drake’s story. Doesn’t mean they can’t make games starring other characters. Christ, have these guys ever heard the expression ‘quit while you’re ahead?’

So here we are. Uncharted: The Lost Legacy. A sequel/expansion type thing starring Chloe Frazer from Uncharted 2 and Nadine Ross from Uncharted 4 as they travel to India to find the Tusk of Ganesh while a bloodthirsty warlord called Asav is in hot pursuit. 

Some of you may recall I’ve always found the Uncharted series to be a tad overrated. Uncharted 4 is probably my favourite as it has by far the most intelligent and mature story of the franchise. I thought Uncharted 2 was pretty decent and found the first Uncharted to be okay at best. The only game I actively dislike is Uncharted 3, partly because of the number of elements it rips off from Uncharted 2, but mostly because of how bloody stupid it was even by Uncharted’s standards. Where does The Lost Legacy fit in? Sadly I have to rate this down there with Uncharted 3, although there are some praiseworthy elements.

The gameplay is pretty much the same as Uncharted 4. The puzzles are still inventive (although that match the shadows puzzle can go to hell. If the skip button didn’t show up when it did, I probably would have thrown the controller at my TV). These puzzles even extend to the combat to a certain degree. In two levels you have to deal with an armoured tank and a helicopter respectively. You could start a gunfight, but that will only put you at risk, so you’re required to take out any stray soldiers and plan accordingly before attacking the vehicles with explosives. It’s pretty tense and finally puts the stealth system to good use, which has often felt like a pointless addition in previous games. 

There’s also the additions of a new lockpicking mechanic, which is simple but fun, and a kinda, sorta open world hub area where you can collect these tokens for a special prize. Unfortunately this isn’t quite as fun. For one thing you can’t mark waypoints on your map, so you effectively have to keep stopping and starting to check that you’re going in the right direction, and the special prize turns out to be a bracelet and tells you when collectable treasure is nearby by making an incredibly annoying noise at you. Other than that, not much has changed from Uncharted 4. The graphics are still gorgeous, the gunfights are still serviceable, the melee combat is still shit and driving a car still feels clunky and awkward as though you’ve got an elephant strapped to the roof rack.

The main issue I have with Uncharted: The Lost Legacy is that it just feels like the franchise has outstayed its welcome at this point. As much as I loved Uncharted 4, I mentioned in my review how some of the franchise’s tropes and cliches were starting to wear thin and that maybe it was just as well this was the last game because if they carried on, it would have started to get on my nerves. Well, that’s precisely what happened here. Just when you think you’ve reached the top of a building, the ground crumbles and you fall back down. Just when you think you’re near a goal, you’re ambushed by enemies blocking your path. Just when you think the protagonists have defeated the villain, they then do something really stupid that allows the villain to escape. It was all starting to become incredibly annoying for me. At one point, after climbing a bunch of tricky terrain and swinging to the opposite ledge, Nadine actually pushed me in the water, making me do all of that again. Nadine thought this was amusing. I most certainly did not.

I suppose if we have to put up with more of these bloody games, you could do a lot worse than Chloe Frazer. I really liked her in Uncharted 2 and she’s just as good here, injecting a lot of sardonic wit into the proceedings. Wish I could say the same about Nadine. 

For the record I actually quite liked her in Uncharted 4. She made a good villain, plus she wasn’t constantly hounding me 24/7. Here it’s a different story. Nadine has got to be quite possibly the most annoying character in this game. I already feel uncomfortable enough knowing that this is a black character voiced by a white woman, but it’s her no nonsense, bull in a china shop attitude that really grated on my nerves. And it only got worse once Sam Drake entered the picture. I can understand why there would be bad blood between the two, but this game just takes the piss. She sees Sam through her binoculars and assumes he’s working for Asav... even though he’s clearly in handcuffs. What, does Nadine think Sam usually works in handcuffs? Is it like a part of his process or something? And then she finds out that he’s Chloe’s ‘expert.’ Now I’m sure this would justify mild irritation on Nadine’s part due to what happened in Uncharted 4, but instead she promptly throws a hissy fit. She punches Chloe, calls her a traitor and abandons her. Talk about an overreaction, made worse by the fact that the two make up and carry on 10 minutes later as though nothing had happened. Well then what was the point of all that then? And then when Sam becomes another follower, the rest of the game is spent being forced to listen to these two bicker and argue like tiny children over lost crayons. At one point I actually threw a grenade at them in the hopes that it would shut them up, but all that happened was the game glitched, causing Nadine to stand there frozen with her arms outstretched like Jesus on the cross.

What I especially don’t get about Nadine’s inclusion is why we’re expected to care about her. She was the bad guy in the previous game. And her main motivation throughout this game is to use the Tusk of Ganesh to win back control over Shoreline (you know? The bad guys?). Why should I support this? I suppose you could argue this is Nadine’s redemption story with her rejecting the mercenary lifestyle and becoming Chloe’s partner (so now I’m potentially going to have to put up with more of her in the future. Oh what a delight), but it’s not done very well. There’s no subtle change or gradual development. She pretty much jumps from hardened mercenary to amateur treasure hunter at the drop of a hat.

And that’s not the only thing. Why does Chloe want the Tusk of Ganesh? All the stuff about her dad is interesting and occasionally touching (one nitpick though. If he made it as far as Balur, where’s his body? And why didn’t the bandits get the Tusk for themselves?), but why is she choosing NOW to look for the Tusk of Ganesh? It’s never really addressed or explored. It’s just a random convenience to get the plot moving forward. And what’s so special about the Tusk anyway? In my review of Uncharted 4, I praised the game for not including a supernatural element and instead allowing the human drama and conflict to take centre stage. Here I was actually praying for a supernatural element to show up because the whole thing was becoming really monotonous and I didn’t fully understand why everyone was so desperate to claim the Tusk. I kept expecting some big twist about the Tusk to show up, but it turns out the big twist is that there is no twist. The Tusk is just a really shiny thing worth lots of money. Tad underwhelming by Uncharted’s standards. Even the game itself seems to be aware of what a throwaway macguffin the Tusk is because the game literally throws it away at the end. Turns out the reason Asav wanted the Tusk was so that he could use the money to buy a bomb. That’s it. Why did it need to be specifically the Tusk? Surely there are easier ways to get the money if you’re a criminal. Rob a bank, for instance.

Let’s quickly talk about Asav. A villain so bland and uninspired that he makes cardboard cutouts look three dimensional by comparison. Asav is the worst kind of villain in that he has no depth or proper motivation, and spends most of his time monologuing rather than getting on with the job in hand. It’s like playing Uncharted 1 again. I thought we moved past these shitty cartoon villains years ago. I haven’t the faintest idea what his goal was. He keeps mentioning something about a civil war and his birthright, but it’s never fully explored or developed. And I lost count of the number of times Chloe could have just killed him instead of just listening to him rabbit on. Chloe often makes fun of how insufferable Asav, but I’d much rather the developers put in that same amount of effort to create a villain that’s not insufferable, thank you very much.

Despite all my moaning and complaining, I suppose I have to admit Uncharted: The Lost Legacy isn’t a bad game. It’s not like Uncharted 3 where it seemed to go out of its way to insult your intelligence. And it is possible to have a good time with this game if you close your eyes and cover your ears during the stupid and annoying bits. The only crime this game really commits is that it’s just another Uncharted game. The problem, in my opinion, is that it’s one Uncharted game too many. Uncharted 4 was a good ending. Let’s just leave it at that. It was fun while it lasted, but it’s time to move on.