#i cant stress enough that i do not have dreams about fictional characters

[scalpelsister]

I think I've dreamt of her more times this past week than I have dreamt about all fictional character Ive liked over the past 5 years

neve gallus....

[novieight]

TW // DEREALIZATION, MENTIONS OF RELIGION

holy fuck. as the days go by, it gets harder and harder to tell the difference between dreams and reality. i have this constant feeling that nothing is real. i dont deny reality; reality denies me. i can try to keep myself as physical and awake-feeling as possible, but i just cant fight the derealization. at this point its normal for me to hear voices and see things and even FEEL things that arent there. whispering. tapping on my shoulder. shadow figures and even fictional characters. and they NEVER. GO. AWAY.

i cant tell anyone about it other than my friends, though. my parents would either call me insane or put me in even more derealizing religious therapy. and ive already been called insane and out of my mind by nearly every adult at that damn school. my relatives dont interact with me, period.

theres only one person who can sort of help, and thats marie. for example, i find the h0loc4ust a very triggering topic because of all the religion. we had to go over it in history and watch a video. marie held my hand the whole time, and i cant thank them enough for that. but still, religion gets me to think too hard about everything and leads me into derealization episodes.

when religion is mentioned, i start thinking more of whats really behind it. and then it progresses until i lose myself. and were not even gonna mention the shadow figures and voices i hear when im forced into that damn church. and how everything gets brighter and louder and more overwhelming, worsening the situation.

why should i even call them episodes anymore. its all the time at this point. its chronic. not even gonna lie, sometimes derealization isnt bad. sometimes it feels nice to feel like nothing is real, and to let things go. but most of the time its PAINFUL AS HELL. especially since im also autistic and i get overstimulated VERY EASY, sometimes derealization will end in me hitting myself scratching my skin open c*tting etc etc.

i think its something my mind did from a young age because its kinda always been like this. its only recently as my brain continues to develop and i start to wake up and realize ive been abused my whole life that its turned into a bad thing.

something i will readily admit: sometimes i cant help but worsen my own derealization. do i want to get better? yes. but do i use it almost as a form of self h*rm because i know it can hurt? also yes. and sometimes things i enjoy (omori, liminal music, backrooms, etc.) can, depending on my mood and how things have been recently (if ive been overworked or stressed, etc), be triggering.

the worst thing is i cant do anything about it, i cant get any help for it either. im just stuck like this. all i can say is im SO happy my friends dont deal with derealization. because if they had to suffer through it too, id feel so much worse about my derealization disorder.

i wish i could put a stop to the derealization. but at the same time, i wish i could indulge in it forever.

[lover-of-skellies]

just cause your brain wrote something that may not fit your morals doesnt make you a bad person, esp when you're writing for a character. Sometimes your characters just have different morals than you do, or sometimes you just have to write a character breaking morals so they can learn something. There's nothing wrong with that! I have a lot of murderous characters, but id never go and murder someone. Thats why we have tags n warnings stuff though, cause sometimes even if it is fiction people dont wanna think about a topic, but a lot of times, people recognize that a storys not real and read it for the sake of the story, not for how they should base their life. I know a lot of people dont have this mindset but i know i do, in that, when reading something, you cant associate the words and beliefs of the story with the author directly, because, well, like i said, sometimes your characters just have different morals than you

Idk if this made you feel any better but i hope youre at least less stressed. Of course do what your gut says! Do whats best for you💞💚💞💚

Hhhhhhhhhh

Thanks for that, dude XP that does kinda help a little, actually. If I do end up posting it, I did plan on adding tags and whatnot ^^" without a doubt

Ima put some explanation stuff under a cut to give a little more context (Y'know,, without having people that'd wanna read it see any spoilers or anything ^^")

There's some moderately suggestive, possibly slightly taboo stuff that's being hinted at, so just be warned, I guess

I guess my whole hangup is that the majority of it's stuff that happens with Conquest and Nightmare. He, according to the story, enjoys doing things to make people experience a bunch of negative feelings so that he can feed off of them. He goes after Connie because she's a reincarnation of some alternate version of Dream, and he finds the most satisfaction in Dream's aura (literally any version of Dream) becoming tainted with negativity

Connie usually has really good judgement, but because he's got her cornered and is bringing up every sensitive subject that she'd rather not be thinking about (examples being how Death left her for someone else, how Nightmare made her son blind in one eye, so on and so forth), she ends up cracking. Then once he's done hitting every single icky subject, he starts making a bunch of points that, to her at the time, seemed logical enough

There's some uhhh,, maybe slightly taboo (?) stuff going on. He somehow knows that she has a particular interest in Retribution's tentacles (on the rare occasion that he shows them), and Retribution happens to be not just her first incarnation's brother, but also an alternate version of Nightmare himself. She'd never act on said interests, of course, but Night continues pushing her, saying all the right things to her while her mind's clouded with all these different thoughts and feelings at once

By the time they're done and he's held his end of their bargain, he's managed to pull back the veil and makes it finally dawn on her that what happened was wrong. She's freaked out, in disbelief, disgusted, and ashamed of herself, and while that's happening with her, he's feeding from it, clearly pleased with himself since that's what his entire goal was

Toward the end, Nyx (another character that's his daughter) talks about going to visit Retribution's dreamscape, and Night has some fatherly concerns on what that visit might consist of. Nyx doesn't hesitate to call him out and tell him that the implications of what he's worried about are gross. She might've lied when she said she wasn't a bit interested in Killer, but she was entirely truthful in saying she has nothing weird planned for Ret, at least

Because,, she's not a complete bastard like her dad is. She might've been raised to be like him, but now that she's older, she has her own set of morals and her aspirations are almost completely opposite of his. She's a decent person, despite having his snarky attitude and temper

[officialjimmybuffett]

Hi! Hope you’re doing well! Just wanted to ask how you come up/brainstorm your novel concepts and ideas because they’re all amazing!

hey anon!!! this is a great question and hopefully i can help alksdj

making something from nothing

recently i came out of a funk where i had zero (0) ideas for wips which was really frustrating because all i wanted to do was write but i had nothing to go off of

i’m gonna be frank with you - i have no idea what pulled me out of that rut.  a lot of my concepts come from experiences ive been through or weird ass dreams or media i consume.  an important part of coming up with novel ideas is opening yourself up to being inspired by anything and everything.  some of my wip ideas have come from the strangest places.  so listen to a new band, watch a shitty movie, and for the love of god read read read read read. if you’re not writing then read. read fantasy, read non-fiction, read plays, read comedy, read adult and middle grade. READ!!!!

another part is thinking about what you’re interested in writing. what are your favorite tropes to read?? your favorite scenes to watch??? your favorite genres?? now take some of those and combine them!!!! you’ll be surprised what you come up with

if all else fails, writing prompts!!! i know what you’re thinking: “i cant base my own original wip off of someone else’s prompt!” yes BUT it’ll get your mind going!!! maybe the prompt is about skipping family brunch. what if the protag is skipping brunch because they feel like the black sheep of the family? what if they feel like the black sheep because the rest of the family has superpowers and they dont? what if there was a world in which everyone had superpowers? if you need a starting point to brainstorm, writing prompts are your friend!!! 

turning that something into a novel

(a second part that no one asked for)

okay, let’s say you have a vague concept. now what??

wip ideas almost NEVER come consistently.  instead of having an actual plot, your brain will supply you with an Aesthetic, a few vivid settings, and if you’re lucky, a character or two.

to be honest, this part is worse than not having an idea at all

i’m going to share the best advice i’ve received: word vomit. open up a blank document and write down everything you can think of. characters, settings, scenes, dialogue, personalities EVERYTHING. it doesnt matter if it all conflicts or if it makes no sense just write down every. single. thing. everytime you think of something new (whether it be in the shower or in bed or at school or whatever) open up this document and put it down!!!!

it normally takes me a week or so to get enough down in this document to have enough to work with.  now look at what you have and find a problem with it.  how can that problem be solved?? what character should solve it? why them and not someone else??? what is stopping them from solving this??

once you have a decent grasp on your plot, decide how you want to outline.for that, use this pdf (i owe it my life!!!!!). complete with over ten different outlining and plotting techniques, use trial and error to see which one works best for you*. (my favorite formula is dan well’s 7 point story structure mixed with elements of the iconic joseph campbell’s hero’s journey.)

above all, don’t make it a chore!! writing is supposed to be fun!!! don’t stress if you can’t come up with a concept or plot, it’ll sort itself out! i have a ton of tags for outlining and plotting tips if you need them and writeblr is full of people willing to help you brainstorm and to offer advice. don’t hesitate to ask if you need more help! best of luck!!

*it helps if you apply it to a book you know well (ie. harry potter) to see how the formula works before you use it. not necessary but it’s definitely helped me!!

[scripttorture]

Sleep Deprivation

It’s really past time we talked about sleep deprivation. It’s a mainstay of modern torture and it’s been used for hundreds of years.

It’s also one of the clean (non-scarring) tortures that’s most regularly dismissed. The damage it causes is downplayed. And we often don’t even recognise it when it’s shown in fiction.

Sleep is a physiological need, like eating, drinking and breathing. Deprived of it we start to become ill and eventually die.

I’m breaking this down into sections, we’ll start with ‘normal’ sleep, talk about what sleep deprivation does to physical and mental health and then talk about how torturers deprive victims of sleep.

I’ll finish up by talking about how the long term symptoms of torture can impact sleep.

How much sleep is enough and what is normal sleep?

There is some variation in sleep patterns between individuals but if you let someone sleep for as long as they like most people sleep for around 7-9 hours a night. When we’re ill we tend to sleep more.

If you plot life expectancy against average hours of sleep a night you get a sort of U shaped graph. People who routinely sleep less then 7-9 hours a night have shorter lives and so do people who sleep more.

But there’s no evidence that sleeping too much actually causes poor health. People who sleep more on average may have underlying health conditions that shorten their lives.

And we have a lot of evidence that sleeping less causes poor health.

Sleep is divided into two types, REM and NREM sleep. That stands for Rapid Eye Movement sleep and Non Rapid Eye Movement sleep. Most people know REM sleep as dreaming sleep. Both are essential for human health.

All animals that have been tested sleep but only birds and mammals have been shown to dream. There’s also considerable variation in how long different species need to sleep for, most animals seem to need more than humans.

We sleep in cycles, chunks of time roughly an hour and a half long when we go through different stages of sleep. The initial cycles focus heavily on NREM sleep and as the night goes on we have more REM sleep, but every cycle contains a little of both.

The time of day we’re most likely to naturally fall asleep and naturally wake up varies with age in a non-linear fashion. Young children wake up early and tire early. Teenagers famously stay up late and sleep in late. The elderly wake up incredibly early and sleep incredibly early. This variation, along with individual variation, is thought to serve a protective function: humans are pack animals and varied sleep patterns within a group ensure that someone is awake most of the time in case of emergency.

It’s perfectly healthy for the time we want to go to sleep to vary, but the amount we need to sleep is more or less consistent after infancy.

Drugs, including caffeine, may effect our ability to fall asleep or our perception of how sleepy we are but they do not fulfil our need for sleep.

Keep in mind that even a character who is voluntarily depriving themselves of sleep will feel the effects. Repeated experiments have shown that we can be consciously aware we’re sleep deprived and aware of the effects of sleep deprivation but can not compensate for them.

Your character can’t get around the effects of sleep deprivation by willpower any more then a drunk can get around the effects of alcohol. Stimulants might keep them awake and raise their reaction time but they don’t effect other symptoms and may make some symptoms worse.

We need sleep after roughly sixteen hours of being awake. After that point our ability to function well starts to drop.

Effects of sleep deprivation

We’re still in the process of pinning down all the effects of sleep deprivation. Some of these effects are things we know happen but we don’t know why.

The more sleep deprived a character is the more symptoms they’d have, both physical and mental. Some of these symptoms are apparent after just one night of poor sleep (for the purposes of this post five hours sleep the previous night). I’m going to mark these early symptoms with an asterix (*) so you can easily recognise them.

Keep in mind that these effects are cumulative.

A character who gets into a pattern of not sleeping enough will get worse rather then staying at a steady level. The longer the character isn’t sleeping the more symptoms they should develop.

Physical symptoms

Shakes

Headaches*

Muscular pain

Increased blood pressure*

Reduced alertness*

Lower immune response leading to:

Increased infections

Longer recovery times

Longer reaction times*

Worse reflexes*

Lower natural testosterone levels and lower sperm counts

Abnormal menstrual cycles and lower fertility levels

Hunger*

Poor coordination*

Increased chance of accidents*

Subtle changes to physical appearance that cause a character to appear unhealthy*

Microsleeps (short periods of unconsciousness)

Psychological symptoms

Agitation

Reduced ability to interpret other people’s emotions*

Increased feelings of distrust towards other people*

Paranoia

Hallucinations

Increased chance of substance abuse

Confusion*

Memory loss*

Impaired ability to learn*

Increased risk of developing false memories

Suicidal thoughts and urges

Delirium

Markedly reduced concentration*

Consistently underestimating their level of impairment*

Impaired ability to think logically*

Increase in depressive and anxious symptoms, possibly inducing depression and anxiety

Reduced creativity*

Reduced problem solving ability*

Reduced ability to plan*

Increased risk of violent behaviour

Symptoms similar to psychosis in the long term

Long term effects

These aren’t symptoms exactly, these are a list of conditions people who are chronically sleep deprived are more likely to get. They develop several years later, usually in the 40-50s at the earliest.

Any amount of sleep deprivation is thought to increase the chances of these conditions but the longer and more consistently a character is sleep deprived the more likely they are.

Diabetes

Cancer (various kinds)

Heart failure (and coronary heart disease)

Strokes

Dementia, especially Alzheimer’s

Higher miscarriage rates

Vaccines may be less effective if the person was sleep deprived before the vaccine was administered because the immune response is suppressed. Research on this isn’t quite as thorough yet and it isn’t clear if the smaller immune response actually equates to less immunity against the real disease.

Sleep deprivation is also thought to increase weight gain. It makes people feel hungrier and crave unhealthy foods. While not nearly as serious as the other effects here it is a noted long term effect and as such I felt it needed to be included. Especially since there is a correlation between higher weight and sleep disorders.

How torturers deprive people of sleep.

Sleep deprivation is sometimes portrayed as a ‘modern’ innovation. This is untrue. Scottish witch trials used it heavily in attempts to force confessions and the Spanish Inquisition explicitly forbid its use (they thought the delirium and hallucinations would prevent victims from truly confessing and repenting their sins).

Not all of these methods would result in total sleep deprivation (ie absolutely no sleep in 24 hours). Some of them would lead to less sleep, poor sleep or disrupted sleep. This is still profoundly harmful.

Some of these methods could fit easily with a historical setting. Some wouldn’t. Some would work better in a pseudo-interrogation or forced confession scenario. If you’re planning on using sleep deprivation in your story pick a method that you feel fits your plot and setting best.

And if you’re not planning on using sleep deprivation but you see something you have used on this list take a moment to think about what you might be implying.  

Poor cell conditions including:

-Constant light

-Constant noise

-Insufficient room to sleep

-Wet cells

-Extreme temperatures in cells

-Lack of beds and bedding

Stress positions such as forced standing. These are generally used for between 24-48 hours continuously meaning they’re automatically combined with sleep deprivation.

Constant use of restraints, especially if the restraints stop the character from fully extending their limbs or fully lowering their limbs.

Forced exercise such as forced walking (this was used in Scottish witch trials).

Forced labour for prolonged periods.

Guards disturbing the sleep of prisoners. For example shaking people awake every few minutes.

Prolonged interrogation without rest such as relay interrogation. Relay interrogation involves switching interrogators regularly so that prisoners can be kept in interrogation for over 24 hours at a time.

Starvation, hunger reduces our ability to sleep well and get as much sleep as we need. When combined with poor cell conditions poor sleep becomes inevitable.

Denying medical treatment to injured characters.

Poor sleep in survivors

Most of the long term symptoms of torture have the potential to disrupt sleep.

Depression, anxiety, hypervigilance and suicidal thoughts can all prevent survivors getting to sleep and disrupt sleep.

PTSD often involves intense nightmares which can both disturb sleep and make a survivor dread falling asleep. The majority of PTSD sufferers have difficulty sleeping.

Chronic pain can prevent sleep and many of the drugs commonly used to treat it can also lead to disturbed sleep. Like commonly abused addictive drugs pain medication can lead to poor quality sleep.

This doesn’t necessarily mean every survivor will have trouble sleep or be sleep deprived. While a lot of people with mental health problems have poorer sleep not everyone does. Medication for depression and anxiety can sometimes help people sleep and this in turn can reduce the intensity of symptoms.

Think about the combination of symptoms you’ve chosen for your character and consider whether they could lead to long term sleep loss.

Our need for sleep isn’t something we can debate, bribe or drug away. It’s a fundamental part of our biology.

Losing sleep is serious, being actively deprived of it is abusive. Be aware of what your story is doing and be prepared to show the consequences.

Sources

Why Torture doesn’t work: The Neuroscience of Interrogation by S O’Mara, Harvard University Press, 2015

Why We Sleep by M Walker, Penguin, 2017 - This book contains references to a lot of sleep research papers and is a very good introduction to the subject. Walker and Jagust conducted research together on the link between lack of sleep and Alzheimer’s. He also recommends D Dinges’ (University of Pennsylvania) body of work on sleep and concentration, response time and car accidents.

The Mystery of Sleep by M Kryger, Yale University Press, 2017

Available on Wordpress.

Disclaimer

[dxmagedrose]

GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER!

Tagged by: my lover @hammurabicomplex​ I’m tagging: anyone and everyone who wants to pick this one up! share with the class if you feel like it! tag me in it!!

PRESENTING. RANDOM DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO-MUN AT 2AM ;

FIRST NAME Good fucking question… It’s (sort-of) currently Dylann! I was Kieran before that, though; it’s still used as one of my first names and I’m not used to Dylann quite yet bc I’ve just started using it. 

Indigo is one of my middle names though, and I’ve used it as an online handle elsewhere forever so I use it here now!  [ Fun etymology facts: Dylan(n) is a mythology name generally meaning “born of the wave” (aspiring diver & a water witch at heart). Kieran means “little dark one” bc of my love for horror, && I chose Indigo bc as a kid to be it was neither boy (blue) or purple (girl) and was both and neither as well as my absolute favorite color as this vibrant ass mystical color. ]

STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF hmmmmm…. I’m a horror lover at heart, so as a child (I wanna say 12), I was walking through an antique store (I have a few cool finds, I considered putting my other one as the fact tbh) and I turned the corner and I saw these two dolls staring back at me at the foot of the stairs of this antique building. my blood froze, and i felt my stomach drop. i got actual, physical goosebumps stumbling across these two creepy dolls staring back at me in the corner, and i couldn’t leave the store without them. perhaps the little painted porcelain boy would be somewhat spooky by himself if it wasn’t for the terrifying lidded gaze of the porcelain girl with the hairline fractures and slightly open lips. i cant look at her. i dont really find dolls scary, I like to find the spookier ones ones, and she makes me paranoid as hell. i keep her face covered and her up in my closet except for when i bring her out to show her off proudly as the spookiest thing I have but……. i dont really collect dolls anymore.  even thinking about her brings a fearful tear to my eye.  i don’t like to think about her for very long, but that’s why I’m so fucking proud to own her. ( YES — I’m THAT white person in the horror film )

TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON hhhhh a beardy jawline, high cheekbones, crooked canine teeth >:3c

A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF b.l.t.’s with avocado. ahhhh. my mouth is watering just thinking about it, oh my god. just a bit of salt and pepper???

A FOOD YOU HATE barbecue anything, i hate the taste of bbq sauce, you keep your nasty black goo to yourselves at the grill. twice in my life i have presented with barbecue pizza and both times i cried literal tears. why would you do such a horrible thing to a person? what kind of a monster are you? how do you sleep at night?!

GUILTY PLEASURE the sims. constantly. always. i’ve sunk thousands of hours into my households. oh also uhhhhhh i run two 80s horror blogs, one being a shitpost blog with occasional art of mine and one gremlin fanfic ship blog for horrible, terrible self indulgent fanfics i’ll get the courage to finish writing & post so i can be cancelled on tumblr for at some point. NO, i won’t link them. as i pretend they’re even all that hard to find, within a day i was found on both by someone i admire here a lot :’) ilu bby thnk u eternally for supporting ur local horrifying dumbass wtf

WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN the same clothes i’ve been wearing all day usually, my sweats & long sleeve raglans or my hoodies. i like being cozy day & and out. and ugh. efoort. just throw me in a blanket in a cool room and im out.

SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS serious relationships with some openness or poly. i wish i could fling! just not exactly easy for demisexual autistics lmao.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE I think I would be adopted by my grandma as a kid. It would save me some trauma but mostly I think it would get my autism diagnosed way earlier and save me angsting all these years of wondering why & thinking it’s my fault I’m struggling so much and so loud and affectionate and different in a world that i didnt fit in the same way. 

ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON when i get drunk i text people how much they mean to me in my life. does that answer your question? ahhh. i’m sometimes a cuddle monster with friends, i message people with long texts about how much they mean to me, but I sometimes really don’t like to be touched at all. 

A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN FLYPAPER.  F L Y P A P E R.  FLYPAPER.  FLY, and, I can’t stress this enough, fucking PAPER. ( Though also Whole Nine Yards and both Re-Animator & Bride ). I have watched Flypaper already like, 5 times this week and I’m still not done, and the other movies have been on repeat for days in this household within the last year. In the past it has also been Donnie Darko & the new Nightmare on Elm Street.  roast me.

FAVORITE BOOK White Fang by Jack London. Have I actually ever finished it? No. Do I still own a copy I’ve had since childhood thru multiple dogs eating it, taking it to and from school, and highlighting and circling all the best parts of chapter one ever since I was a kid and it was too hard of a book for me to read? You bet your ass. If I ever need inspiration I just reread chapter 1. Although one of my other favorites was Broken Monsters by Lauren Beukes. But White Fang is like, a weirdly personal text. We stan London’s writing in this household.

YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE FENNEC FOX!! I used to daydream about having my own named Shiloh when I was a lil kid. they’re adorable little things and i am obsessed. i mean, gimme any fox and im happy, marble foxes, red foxes… but I was obsessed with fennec foxes. Also tbh ferrets. I want a ferret.

TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL] Rosa & @ninetyscnds‘s Luke, Rosa & @iimpulsivity is already screaming my name, Rosa & Constantine, Jesse & Andrea from Breaking Bad, and the joker and harley of 80s sci-fi Dan & Herbert from Re-Ani.  I am but a simple opossum. 

PIE OR CAKE Pie! I’ll take both pumpkin & melty apple over cake. also, cheesecake is more pie than cake soooo, pie wins.

FAVORITE SCENT my dogs / my blanket. :’)  It’s the most grounding smell in the world. 

CELEBRITY CRUSH oliver jackson-cohen, i’m fucking GAY and im angry about it. there i was, minding my own business, and i saw that asshole in a certain SHIRTLESS GIF and it AWOKE SOMETHING IN ME. dont talk to me about it, holy shit im obsessed with beardy men now god fuckkdafjaask i hate him why did he make me this gay i was perfectly fine being into girls but NOOOOOO him and his dumb hairy chest and sweet rugged face and I——  I also am obsessed with the archaeologist & television personality Josh Gates and may or may not be considering making a fan blog for him bc idk if my anthropology docuseries host is Dad or Daddy but i love him lots

IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO I would go on a dive with anthropologists and archaeologists doing fieldwork research in the ancient cenotes of the Yucatán Peninsula. My actual dream job, catch me crying & fantasizing about being underwater documenting Mayan skulls given as offerings. Fuckkkk, I love anthropology so much!!  take me anywhere in the world to immerse myself into culture & archaeology.

INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT Introvert. I have a real life friend I see roughly once a month, and that’s it. Plenty of online relationships, I’m chatty, message me all day every day. but i dont do people well.

DO YOU SCARE EASILY I used to! Really bad. I don’t as much anymore. I do get paranoia a lot still. Having therapists telling you that the FBI could be outside your house watching you through your windows will kind of nervous. ( no google results for: yes hello fbi i am a writer please dont put me on watchlists i just have research i need to do for this idea im working on, would you like to try again? ) I have nightmares nightly but not they never make me afraid, they just make me feel like crap. jumpscares and loud noises and seeing people reaching into their pockets dont set off as many brain alarms anymore tho!! progress haha.

IPHONE OR ANDROID I like my android better bc of capabilities but meh

DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES My mom, her husband & I play COD for family game night, and Silent Hill is my life’s blood. I’ve sunken hours into Sims & Skyrim, and Norman Jayden from Heavy Rain is my #1 fictional character in existence, why do i love the druggie babies

DREAM JOB Oh… You’re asking me to pick? I’d love to be an anthropologist doing work out in the field. Underwater archaeology is peak, but I’m also heavily considering being a body recovery diver or police diver. I’d love to see myself in uniform someday, if possible. Just the thought makes me teary eyed & proud.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS fund my person creative & educational endeavors. get myself a spooky ass abandoned house to make my own home to create in, and travel to the world’s best dive sites. just live a mild life of education, creation & exploration. that’s the dream TM.

FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE dr. hill is a gross and whiny lil bitch this post brought to u by the miskatonic crew, how is everyone here an even worse bad guy than herbert west precious dan excluded talk shit get hit tho john winchester from spn and both walter white & todd from breaking bad are all in my crew of hated characters. i jusT…   the reani novel is difficult to read because i have to deal with this old sack of shit.

FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER Supernatural :-)

… AND THIS CONCLUDES A DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO!! //

[fatrainbowmermaidunicorn]

Lost In Japan (Jimin x You)

A/N: this idea just popped in my head while I am taking a bath, and I rushed through my skincare routine just so I can jot this down 😂 anyway, I am going to combined this request with another. This being part one and the other part two. but it can also be read as a oneshot. I had wanted to do a story based on this song ever since I heard it (Lost In Japan by Shawn Mendes) bcs it just reminds me of the feeling you get at night on your holidays when you are just strolling around after a long day of exploring the city and met someone exciting ❤ and I dont know from what country you are anon, and I am not from Japan either, its just based on this song so you can imagine elsewhere ❤ Sorry if this is not what you have in mind

MASTERLIST

A/N : And also, I’m trying a new thing here and you are in no way obligated to do it but if any of you like my stories and want to give some support, why not buy me a coffee? ☕💜

A/N: I cant just keep a good thing to myself, so for those who are looking for a variety and affordable BTS and KPOP merchandise. visit this link right here okay

"Ahhh finally!" Jimin dropped his carry on on the floor and lie down in the middle of the bed, spreading out as wide as he can after taking off his stuffy jacket and mask. Airport arrivals are fun. Fun seeing their fans coming out all the way just to catch a glimpse of them and to welcomed them to their country. But as much as it is fun, it is also damn tiring. Especially when they are mobbed by crazy fans. Jimin is thankful he and his brothers managed to get out from the commotion as fast as they could and arrived safely at the hotel. And he is more thankful that they  have individual rooms now.

Dont get him wrong. Sharing a room with Taehyung or Jungkook or even one of his hyungs are fun. Theres someone he can talk to and do fun vlive clips with, but sometimes he needs some space without anyone breathing down his neck too. Times like this, where he juat want to rest his tired body.

Japan.

A country they are so familiar with already.

Two days of concert here and three days of free days for him and his brothers to roam about before they fly back to Korea for their other schedules.

Jimin cant wait to shop, sightsee and of course eat. He had learn long ago to treat every tour like a vacation in order to make the whole journey less tiring, more fun and less stressed. Just like what the others told him, it doesnt matter as long as they have fun performing, their fans will surely have fun with them too.

But Jimin can feel that something more exciting is going to happen this time.

He can just feel it.

/////

"Y/N, YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS!"

Y/N calmly look up from the table shes wiping. Shes so used to her bestfriend yapping around like crazy. She used to get excited at first, but now, she learns that its better fir her to actually hear the news first. Mika can get super excited about a rock for all she knows.

"What is it that I wont believe Mika?" Y/N laughs. Thank god the cafe she works in has less customer today.

"BTS is coming! For a two days concert!" Mika shrieked.

"Okay... and?" She give her friend a short glimpse and turn back to her task.

"And?! What do you mean and?!" Mika went around and shakes her shoulders.

"Mika, they come here fir a concert every year! Sometimes even twice a year. Its not really a huge news," Y/N rolls her eyes.

"Oh right, I forgot," she giggles.

"You forgot they have a tour here every year? Every year that you become crazy everytime its announced?" Y/N eyed her friend, tapping her foot.

"No. I forgot about the news that you will not believe. The great news is...." she paused for dramatic effect before jumping and yelling, almost breaking Y/N's eardrum. "I got us two VIP tickets and a special fansign invite for both days! Both! Aaaahhhhhh!"

"Oh, thats great Mika! No wonder you are excited!" Y/N's smile grew. Mika has been trying to get tickets every year but she never made it. Online or physically lining up, she never gets the chance to get one. Y/N wonders how hard she work to get the tickets this time.

"Well, arent you?" Mika looks at her weirdly. "I know you are an ARMY too. And arent you excited? You can actually meet them, and converse with them! What if they fall in love with one of us?!" Mika exclaimed, already excited at the thought.

"Well, I am an ARMY," Y/N laughs at her friends cuteness. "But I only like them as a talented idol Mika. I dont even know what to talk to them about. And falling in love?" She giggles. "That only happens in fan fictions my friend. They will most probably already forget about you once the next fan came in view," she shakes her head and continue to clean the table, making Mika pouts.

"Sometimes I hate how practical you are. Cant you just let me dream a little?" She crosses her arm across her chest. "But still, you are coming with me right? Riggght?"

"Well, if you are willing to take me, then of course Mika," Y/N grins. "Of course I'll go with you. Who knows, maybe one of them will really fall in love with me," she giggles at the ridiculous statement.

Or she thought so.

/////

"Lets go people. We can do this!" Namjoon calls out behind the curtains, a few minutes before they are meeting their lucky fans who won the fansign event. After some peptalk and group hugs they went out and start the event.

The crowd is packed and loud, as usual. Girls screaming out their names and waving, trying to get their attention. Each of them did they usual routine, smiling, asking basic questions, answering the questions given to them, making aegyo, handshakes, posing for photos, wearing cute headbands and all sorts of fan service. Jimin is enjoying his time meeting his fan. He loves the attention they gives him and he appreciate all the support they gave to him all these years.

"Next!" The security calls out so the line will move as the fans switched to the next members. Jimin reaches out for the album and booklet in front of him, still looking down at thr album, flipping to the post-it where he should place his signature. But the post-it came empty, its just there as a mark to where he should place his signature. Iy seems the fan has no questions for him, which is a first. Their fans always have multiple questions for them to answer

"No question?" He looks up and immediately stopped blinking. In front of him stood the most beautiful angel he has ever since. Well, shes an angel to him, at least as everyone else seems to be perfectly normal.

"N-no question to ask?" He stuttered and mentally slapping himself. Shit, what is wrong with me. You are Park Jimin, composed yourself!

"Oh," she laughs, the most beautiful sound Jimin has ever heard. "No. Just an autograph will do,"

"Uh.. o-okay," with shaky hands Jimin put down his signature. God, what is wrong with me. I have met so many girls before and I am never like this. Calm down Park Jimin, composed yourself before she thinks you are weird. Come on, say something!

Jimin look around at the laughing fans by around him, talking to to the other members, talking to Taehyung and Jungkook, who is on his right and left side and he realized how quiet and awkward he is with this fan.

"O-oh right. I am Jimin. Whats your name?" Introducing yourself at your own fansign? Are you stupid Park Jimin?

She giggles.

And Jimin's heart skipped a beat. How unusual.

"I know you are Jimin. How can I come here and not know you," she leans forward to a whispering gesture, making Jimin's heart thumped faster at her close proximity. "ARMYs will kill me if I dont," she giggles more and leans back to her normal position in front of him. "And my name is Y/N,"

Jimin smile. How bold. How interesting. And what a name. Beautiful. Just like her.

"And Y/N.. how come you have no questions to ask? Arent ARMYs always curious?" He taps her post it to show the blank paper and Y/N shakes her head.

"No. Not really," she smiles. "Nothing that I want to know,"

"Just nothing for me or for everyone?" Jimin feels the need to ask. He felt like he needs to know if Y/N is just not interested in him or she really doesnt have a question for everyone.

"Well, its not just you. I dont have a question for everyone," Y/N's smile got bigger. Jimin raised an eyebrow curiously.

"Oh? And why is that?"

"Well, because everything you are allowed to tell me, it will be published in the news, or articles or something anyway. And if I asked you a real question, you wont be allowed to answer truthfully anyway. Isnt that right?" she laughs. "So no. No questions,"

Jimin was stunt. Never has anyone ever throw that cold hard truth to his face. Its true. Whatever they are showing and potraying in public, the character that they show, all of it is something that they want their fans to see. There are still parts of them that their fans doesnt know. A part of them, rhat is the real them that they didnt show the world. Mouth agape, Jimin looks at Y/N's face, not knowing what else to say.

His gut js right. Jimin is right, fron the moment he looks up to her face, he knew theres definitely something special about her.

"Well, whats your real question?" Jimin finally find his voice and the bravery he needed.

"When you are allowed to answer it, then I'll ask about it," she giggles, just in time for the security to shout next, and Y/N waves a hand and move aside before Jimin could say anything else. Y/N move to Taehyung, leaving Jimin speechless, and fascinated.

Y/N... hmmm.. his feelings is right then. Japan is going to be interesting this time around.

/////

Jimin knew he is going to see Y/N again at the concert. Everyone who attends the fanmeet has a VIP ticket, which is a particularly small section that is made special for them right in front of the stage. He is sure if he look hard enough, he will see her. Shes too beautiful, and too special to him now for Jimin not to notice.

And sure enough, the moment their went on stage, Jimin saw her face, smiling brightly with her Army bomb in hand, giggling with her friend. A surge or energy runs through him. Jimin suddenly feels like he needs to do the very best tonight, no, extra best tonight. He needs to show her that he is Jimin, and he is up here, looking at her  and apprently, only at her.

Jimin never kept her eyes off her, which is a little hard to do considering he needs to sing and dance and converse with his fans, well, other fans too. And its a stranger feeling for him, when a pang of jealousy hits him hard when he saw Y/N waving and taking photos of Taehyung, jumping and singing along to the other members' part.

What the hell is wrong with me? Shes a fan! She didnt pay for the tickets only to see you alone Jimin.

Without realizing, Jimin suddenly feek the need to futher make his existabce known. Known to Y/N. And keeping his eyes only on her, he starts to show off his dancing skills, making extra sexy moves and flirty gestures, which of course, make the packed stadium roared with cheers but reveiving weird looks from the other members.

It doesnt matter.

The crowd. The music. The members.

What matters is that if this will make Y/N looks at him, it was all worth it.

At least he hope she understand the sign hes trying to tell her.

/////

"Woah, what is wrong with Chim today?" Mika stares at the satge, mouth dropped opened. "I mean, I know he is sexy and all, but thats like being possesed with a sexy spirit or something," she points to Jimin who was grinding on the stage floor. "I dont remember the cheography being like that,"

Y/N shrugs.

"Maybe its a concert only special performance," Y/N justified.

"How are you so calm? He is even looking at you while doing all that. Oh my god, he really is!" Mika jumped, waving her Army bomb with excitement.

"Not at me Mika. My direction. Our direction. He cant even see the crowd with all those blinding lights. And look around you, theres thousand of people here," she laughs. "You think he wouls pick me out from the crowd?"

"Hey, you never know. You personally met him at the fansign. Maybe he remembers you," Mika giggles at how practical her friend. Girl, dream a little!

"Hello," Y/N rolls her eyes. "Everybody here went to the fansign Mika. This is the VIP section!"

"Oh my god. I forgot! Maybe you are right. But hey, its not wrong to imagine!" Mika laughs, Y/N joining her.

"Stop imagining useless things and just enjoy the rest of the concert!" Y/N yells through the noise, laughing. "Besides, its Park Jimin, being sexy and flirty on stage is his thing. I dont think thats anything extra anyway,"

"Okay, okay, you are right. Lets just enjoy this!" Mika grab her shoulders and starts bouncing, waving her Army bomb around. Y/N joins in, singinf along and recording videons of her and Mika, totally not realizing how hard Jimin is trying to wink her way.

/////

"I did everything I can, and she still dont even acknowledge me!" Jimin huffed.

"Are you serious? Shes a fan and you still cant get her to even look at you? Wow Chim, you really have no jams," Namjoon laughs.

"Hyung, its not funny! What do I do?" Jimin grumbled.

"Okay, okay. Lets think. The whole two days. She didnt look at you? At all?" Namjoon inquired, trying to help the younger man.

"Well, she does look at me..," Jimin ponders.

"Okay. Then whats the problem? You did talk to her at the fansign yesterday right? And today? Did you guys hit it off? Did you two share any interest? Maybe you are just not her type. What did you two talked about? Tell me everything from A to Z," Namjoon pulls a chair and sits in front of him, giving Jimin his full attention.

"T-talk?"

"Yeah. Talk. Like what we are doing right now. Hi I'm Jimin, I like you, can I have your number so I can take you out sometime, that kind of thing," Namjoon eyed him carefully.

"W-well... I didnt really talk to her hyung.." Jimin trailed off.

"What do you mean? You get her name. What else did you ask her? You met her twice at a fan sign Chim," Namjoon eyed him curiously.

"Well, at the first meef, I asked her for her name, so I can sign her album. And she explained to me why she dont asks any questiona, and then I blanked out and before I know it, it was already Taehyung's turn," Jimin pouted. "The time is too short for each person!"

"Well, you never complain before!" Namjoon roll her eyes. "Them what about today?"

"T-today?" Jimin stutter nervously as the memory of today's fansign entered his mind.

He was in no mood at all today After the concert on the first day, Jimin was frustrated. Y/N didnt notice him. After the concert she went back like everyone else. She went out so fast he didnt even get the chance to ask security or his managers to call her out. Jimin knew that he wont evenr see her again. Having that in his mind ruin his whole mood.

He went by fan by fan, signing their album and giving small smiles when required. When asked, he only says hes a bit tired and his fans will express their worry and tell him to get some rest. Never would have thought that he would hear the voice again as a a flatten box of their offical light stick and the photocarda were slide in front of him.

"You already sign all my albums and posters yesterday, so this is all I have left for you to sign," Jimin look up to the smiling face of Y/N and he thought hes dreaming.

"Y/N?"

"Yeah," she smile. "Wow, you remembered me!"

"O-of course I do!" Jimin tries to calm himself. "I didnt think you would come again, and both fansigns? Wow,"

"Well," she giggles. "I guess I am your biggest fan. All of you were great last night,"

"Yeah? But you went off so fast!" Jimin pouts and cursed himself for saying that when Y/N gives him a weird look. Now he sounds like a stalker.

"So fast? How did you know?" Y/N asked him curiously. Did Jimin really saw her in the crowd?

"Uh well.. call it intituition," he laughs awkwardly and Y/N just nodded.

"Well..." Y/N looks around, feeling awkward as she waits for the fan in front of Taehyung to move and lets a breath if relief when she does. "Okay, I'll go now,"

"Wait!" Jimin panics. This might be his last chance to have any sort if way to contact her. "Do-you-think-you-can-give-me-"

"And oh, good luck for tonight," Y/N suddenly say at the same time as his word jumble and patted his hand. The moment her hand touched his, eventhough its just a pat and for a second, Jimin blanked out, all his senses gone, heart pumping so rapidly it almost burst out. Bedore he can calm himself down and find words again, the security already shouted next and Y/N quicy waved and move on to Taehyung.

"Both times? Seriously? You blanked out both times??" Namjoon is shrieking out now. "God, you are hopeless!"

"Y-yeah..." Jimin look at his hyung, scared. "Its not my fault she touched my hand hyung!" Jimin try to defend himself.

"Touch Chim. Not even hold. And you have done this with countless fans! Girl fans!" Namjoon is at the brink of giving up.

"But hyunggg," Jimin wailed. "Thise firls are not Y/N! She's so pretty and smart, and not startruck and everything she said to Tae and Kookie are funny and smart then I'm the one who kinda got starstruck..."

"Oh my god, you are a bigger idiot than I thought," Namjoon hissed and slap Jimin's forehead, making him rubbed it  "Okay, fine. But if you barely even talked to her, why are you saying she didnt acknowledge you? I mean... even if she does, which I think she should with your stupidity, she didnt even have a chance to say it, right?"

"But hyungggg, even if I didnt directly say it, its obvious I am flirting with her. And only her!" Jimin answered as if his effort is the most obvious thing in the world.

"Flirt? How?" Namjoon asked, curious on what Jimin meant by flirting if they never even have a proper conversation.

"Didnt you see my extra sexy moves on stage? My winks, my flying kisses, my hip thrusts, how many times I run my hand through my hair, and seductively too if I might add, during these two concert?" Jimin smile proudly.

"Wait, are you saying your little cabaret show this past two nights is you flirting with her?" Namjoon rubs his chin.

"Duhh, of course hyung. What else? I am not a man slut like Kookie who do it for fun hyung,"

"Idiot!" Namjoon slap his head hard this time.  "That is what you call flirting? We thought you were possesed by some strip club ghost or something!"

"Ow hyungg, what the hell??" Jimin rubbed his forehead.

"How the fuck is Y/N supposed to know you are flirting with her when you do that in front of a packed stadium you dimwit? A stadium full of screaming girls too! And you always do those shit, yeah, its a little extra this time, but she will just think you are doing your typical flirting with the crowd thing," Namjoon hissed

"W-what?" Jimin panics. "Do you really think she thinks like that? That I am justsome big flirt to my fans?"

"Duhhh," Namjoon roll his eyes.

"But its all for her!" Jimin wailed.

"She didnt know that dumbass. You should have shown your interest during the fanmeet. Both freaking times!" Namjoon sighed and stands up.

"Wait, where are you going hyung? We are not done yet!" Jimin stands up and follow his hyung like a puppy.

"I am not entertaining this dumb shit. Im going,"

"But what am I going to do?!" Jimin wailed for help.

"Nothing. The concert is over Chim. Just pray that you will see her again," Namjoon shrugs before he leaves the room. "You have three days before we fly back home. Make it count,"

/////

Their free day was filled with sight seeing, shopping and eating. Jimin had fun, yes, but he cant help but feeling down whenever he thought about his lost chance of getting to know Y/N more. He has never been this interested in a woman before, nor has he even felt this kind of amazing chemistry towards a girl. Y/N is special, Jimin know she is. And although he doesnt know for sure if she really is the one for him, but he is sure that he atleast wants to get to know her better. And he wants to see where they will go from there.

"Cheer up hyung! Its only a girl. You will forget her soon. I am sure of it," Jungkook smile and roughly hug his shoulder, dragging him into the anime store. "Atleast your amazing favorite maknae is still here with you,"

"Yeah. Annoying maknae," he laughs. "I am in no mood to look at animes abd robots Kook, and also in no mood to hear you and Tae arguing about whos the better hero or whatever," he looks around the street. "I am going to head there, the coffee shop. Meet me there okay?"

Jungkook shrugs and pulls Taehyung to the store instead as Jimin make his way to the coffeeshop. Securing his mask and cap, he enters and nothing surprised him more than seeing the perfect girl smiling at a customer behind the cashier counter.

Y/N.

/////

"Okay.. if thats Y/N.. why are the three of us hiding behind this huge flower pot like some criminal?" Jungkook asks Jimin in confusion. His hyung rans in panics and drags both him and Taehyung to the coffee shop. And with panting breath, he nervously points towards a girl and only one word comes out from his mouth. "Y/N" and they have been hiding behind a huge flower pot in the coffee shop since then.

"Well, because I dont want her to see us. See me. What do I say?" Jimin wioes his sweaty forehead.

"Thats it? Thats the reason you ran all the way, drag me and Tae-hyung here, and hides behind this pot for 40 minutes now?!" Jungkook looks at his hyung, not believing his reason. "Thats it, I'm going in and introducing us and getting you her number!"

"Wait. What?? No!" Jimin drags Jungkook back behind the pot.

"Why? Isbt that what you want hyung? Her number? You have been moping since last night!"

"Y-yeah.. but how can I just ask her. Thats Y/N. Y/N! What if she say no? O-or she laughs at me? Or thinks I'm weird?" Jimin is freaking out and even he hinself doesnt know why he is like this.

"Well, we dont know if we dont try Chim. Let me and Kookie go and ask for you," Taehyung speaks up and stands up, revealing himself. Jimin panics and pulls him back behind the pot.

"What the hell! No! Sit Tae. Let me just think of something okay? I need to impress her somehow. So she would never ever say no," Jimin rubs her chin and the three sits behind the pot for a while longer, all in silence before Jimin suddenly shouted. "Okay, I got it! She will say yes to be my girlfriend after this! I am sure of it!"

/////

"From Park Jimin? The Korean idol Park Jimin?" Y/N eyed the flower delivery man curiously as he smile and nods. "Is this a prank? Tell me, who put you up to this? Its a girl right?"

"Uh no.. its really Park Jimin. He came to the shop. With Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook. I know its them because I am a fan and also," he taps the note on the flower, "Park Jimin put his name there,"

"So right now... you are saying.. that the world famous idol, Jimin, Jungkook and Taehyung, just walk into your store, in broad daylight, and ordered flowers.. for me?" She points to herself.

"Uh.. yeah. Thats about right," the deliveryman nods again and smile. Y/N lets out a loud sarcastic laugh.

"Okay, good one. I am pretty sure this is a prank now," she received the flowers and sniff it. "Atleast I get flowers, prank or not. Thanks,"

The delivery guy shrugs and leaves, but not before looking at Y/N as if shes crazy.

"It must be Mika. Shes the only one who thinks Jimin is looking at me at the concert," Y/N shrugs and continue her work, the flowers forgotten.

Or so she thought.

Throughout the day, many more weird deliveries were made. More flowers, big, expensive ones too, cupcakes, balloons, choclates, chocolates bouquets, and even a puppy, which Y/N immediately asked to be sent back. At this rate she knows it couldnt be Mika. Is it really Jimin?

But why?

How does he knows where she works?

Even if he did finds out, did he really remember her?

And even if he did remember, why is he sending her all this stuff?

Y/N was confused for the whole day, and shes also embarassed when the customers and even her supervisor keeps complimenting how sweet her boyfriend is. Truth is, shes nor even sure if its really Jimin whos sending her all this stuff.

The gifts continue for the next three days, and Y/N just accept and places it all at the store room, even fivinf out the food to her colleagues and loyal customers. After a long hard shift, its finally time to close up. And deciding to leave everything she receives today at the shop, she cleans up and cloaed up the shop. While locking the door suddenly someone tapped her back.

"A delivery for Miss Y/N..."

"Seriously?!" With a frustrated and tired sighed she turns around. "Its almost 12 am at- J-Jimin?"

Y/N couldnt ever imagine thats its really Park Jimin standing in front of her, holding a huge bouquet of flowers. His face is covered with a mask, yes, but theres no doubt that its him.

"Well.. yeah. Are you expecting someone else?" Jimin cocks his head. Even he is nor sure where he gets his sudden confidence.

"Well... no. But I didnt expect it to be you either. Is it safe for you to roam around Japan like this? Are you lost?" Y/N furrowed her brows. How can he be lost? Where is manager?

"No. I am not lost. Unless you count loss of words everytime I see you," he smile.

"Huh?"

"Uh.. no, no, nothing. Uh.. you dont sound excited to be receiving all the gifts I sent you?" Jimin suddenly remembered hows frustrated she sound earlier when she thought he ia the delivery man.

"Well, to be honest. Not really. I mean.. I am not even sure it its really from you. And even though it is, I am still curious as to why? I mean... you dont really know me... and we are not really friends. Right?" Y/N looks at him.

Jimin is speechless. Doesnt girls like that kind of stuff? Especially from someone like him? But as he look at Y/N who is standing in front of him, face full of confusion, he realizes, Y/N is not like normal girls. thats why he felt attracted to her. Look at her right now, standing in front of him bur isnt starstruck at all.

"Uh.. to be honest, I kinda feel a chemistry between us when we first met at the first fansign..." Jimin takes a deep breath. Courage dont leave me now. "And.. I uh.. would like to talk more with you. To get to know you,"

"Okay..m so you decide to stalk me?" Y/n take a step back, a little scared. Jimin raised his hands up defensively.

"No, no! Its not like that. I didnt stalk you to find out where you work. I accidentally found out where you work 3 days ago, so I thought I could send you gifts, as a way to break the ice-"

"Wait, so you had known where I work for three days, and instead of coming in and say hi, like a normal person, you decide to flaunt your money and buy me stuff?" Y/N is trying to understabd what is the man trying to do.

"Well.. uh.. it sounds bad when you put it like that...but-but I thought you knew about my interest in you!" Jimin tries to safe whatever dignity he has left as Y/N eyes him carefully. "I have been flirting with you for the two whole concert days!"

"Flirting? When??" Y/n questioned him. "You barely even talk to me during the fansign Jimin-ssi," Y/N reminds him.

"D-dont you see me malong eye contact with you on stage? All those dance moves? Those extra stuff I did?"

"Huh?" Y/N looks straight at him. "Are you telling me that is you flirting?" Y/N didnt know if she should laugh or be pissed right now. "Thats the way to show me that you want to talk to me?"

"Y-yes,"

"Jimin... If you want to talk to me you can just ask. To be honest, I find you interesting to talk to too," Y/N smile.

"Really?!"

"Yeah... but after this weird gift giving thing... I am not sure..."

"What? No! I am not weird! Uh actually," Jimin panics. Is Y/N really going to just shut him away now? He has to do something. The thing that he planned to do when he came here. "Actually, I'm flying back to Korea tomorrow but before I leave... I just uh... wanted to ask you to be my girlfriend," he quickly pulls out a box with a white gold diamond bracelet inside. "And give you this,"

Y/N was silenced for a moment and Jimin hope that thats a good sign. He knows its rash, but hes leaving to Korea tomorrow and he needs a way to stay in touch with her. To just... make her his.

"Are you seriously kidding me right now?" Was Y/N's answer after the silenced.

"N-no?"

Y/N scoff.

"You never even introduce yourself properly to me. Or get to know me. Or even talk to me for the matter! How do you know you even really like me? If its only a blind atttaction, only because you like how I look, then I dont want any of it! Yes, I am your fan and I kmow mostly everything about you, but I dont want to know you as BTS' Park Jimin, I want to know you as Park Jimin... do you get it? And giving me ridiculous expensive gifts for three days is flirting and a way to talk to me?? And please know that hip thrusting and swiping your hair back on stage doesnt count either. What are you trying to do? Do you think I am that kind of girl Jimin?" Y/N look softly at him.

"I want a guy to ask me out, to ask me if I have plans and take his time to know me. I dont need your money or your fame Jimin. If you really like me, you would know thats the kind of girl I am. I am leaving, I am sorry, I have to declined. Have a safe flight back to Korea," Y/N bows and walks away, leaving Jimin alone.

Jimin was silenced by her unexpected outburst. He really didnt think ahe would say all this, nor did he think about how stupid his plans are. Taehyung and Jungkook has warned him, even suggested to just greet her and ask for her number, but noooo, he has to feel like he needs to impress her with expensive gifts. Now look what happen.Everything she says just make Jimin realized that she is excatly what he wants, who he needs in a woman. In a life partner. He wants to get to know her, all of her, but it seems like hes too late now.

/////

"Hyung? You okay?" Jungkook sat beside him on the bed. Its been a few days after the tour, and Jimin has been sad and locking himself in his rooms ever since.

"Yeah.. I guess?" Jimin answered lifelessly.

"You dont look okay Chim. You look... lost?" Taehyung sat at the other side of him.

"I am lost Tae. I have never been this lost in my entire life. I think I lost myself in Japan, I acted the way I would never have, and because of it, I lost my love,"

"Well.. if you lost something in Japan... I guess you have to go and get it back. Simple Chim," Taehyung grins and pat his back, hoping his best friend will understand what he meant.

/////

What happened last week is still a blur to Y/N. Did Park Jimin really sent her gifts for three days straight? The Park Jimin? Worldwide idol Park Jimin? And did he really showed up to her coffee shop and tell her he lijes ber, and wanted her to be his girlfriend? And did she rejected him, just like that?

Everything is like a dream to her. She is not even sure if it really happened it shes just imagining it all. But the wilted flowers and uneaten chocolate bars proves that all of it is too real.

She cant lie to herself. Her heart did do a little flip at the sight of Jimin that night. Yes, shes practical, but theres still a part of her that wants a fairy tale ending for herself too. She almost say yes, her heart is beating out from her chest. She cant believe its happening, Park Jimin likes her... but then her practical side takes over. Reminding her that they barely knew each other, what if Jimin ends up not liking her? And what she told Jimin is true, she wants someone who will ask her out, who will take his time to learn about her, just as mich as she will learn about him.

Maybe Jimin is only a drean afterall.

As she walks along the sakura covered park, Y/N sighed. Shes at her happy place. Her beautiful home, but she has never felt so lost.

/////

"Thank god I found you here," the voice behind her pants. Y/N immediately turns around only to see Park Jimin panting, holding his knees. Is she hallucinating in broad daylight now?

"Jimin? Is that really you?" She looks at the figure closely. Jimin looks up after catching his breath

"H-hi. I'm Park Jimin, and I came all the way from Korea just to find you, and someone told me that you are at a sakira park, but theres a lot of sakura park during during spring in Japan and I went to like 30 of them and then I got lost all over Japan, but I dont care, because I can handle being lost in Japan, but I cant handle losing myself again and worse, losing a chance to know you," he smile at her stunt reaction. "Y/N.. I got lost all over Japan, just so I can ask you..," Jimin wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans as Y/N smile at his stuttering form.

"Yes, Park Jimin?" Y/N flashed him a wide smile, easing his mind and making all his doubts dissappear, a surge of confidence suddenly surfacing in him.

"Do you... do you perhaps have any plans tonight? Because I want to take you out. I want to spend the whole night getting to know you, all about you," He took a step forward and bravely hold her waist, grinning widely.

"And why would you want to do that when you just met me three times Park Jimin?" Y/N hide her smile any longer.

"Because I.. well, because honestly Y/N..." he tuxks a stray hair behind her ears and look straight into her eyes, "I cant get you out of my mind,"

[zebrashavestrips]

oooooh all the q's

Hello anon! I’m guessing you mean the wlw + mlm asks so here it is!

1. describe your crush / partner.

I’m not really crushing anyone right now tbh, just hanging out with friends and trying new things.

2. describe your perfect date.

The simple answer, going to a brewery and playing board games. I love any competitive activity tbh but with the right vibes, we could also go walk around the streets and have deep talks. maybe lay down at the beach or a park and look at the sky.

3. describe your dream house.

I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS SOOOO MUCH but thats also because its a near life goal right now. Anyways room#1 a game/ hangout room to watch tv, read, play board or console games, and work lol cant forget about working. Then room#2 would be a guest room with a murphy bed to save space. Room#3 would be my bedroom with a closet with enough space to separate my clothes and gear. The livign room would have what i like to call a scream box, basically these like conference call soundproof phonebooths but could also be used to scream the stress. Bc i have a whole bunch of stuffed animals from family and friends, i want to build a claw machine to store them and thats like another gaming device in my house. The kitchen i actually havent thought that much about but i think i want a lot of counterspace and idk how else it would look like rn. The garage would store all my gear and the camper van i would use for adventures. I would also like a grass patch in the front but theres no more space in the bay area so the park will do. OHHH and a straight roof or patio to watch the skies.

4. describe your dream life.

i see my life with two lifestyles: one like a day job, where most of the week I'd work during the day and hang out with friends afterwards or chill at home and wind down; another full of adventure - hikes, climbing, camping, some day trips to hang out somewhere. some combination of that with friends and we kinda just keep doing that.

5. describe your ideal partner.

Someone to do most of my hobbies with, to challenge and grow together. Kinda someone that I can continuously learn from in any aspect. I really enjoy having people around me just doing our own things together so things like that.

6. morning cuddles or night cuddles?

Night cuddles

7. big spoon or little spoon?

Little spoon

8. hugs or kisses?

Hugs

9. walks on the beach or walks in the forest?

Walks in the forest

10. sitting on your partner’s lap or them on yours?

Them sitting on my lap

11. favourite lgbt movie?

Imagine me & you… soooo cute

12. favourite lgbt book?

I actually don’t really read that many books but I love a good enemies to lovers, fake dating, soulmates angst. I’m in the middle of We Are Okay by Nina Lacour. But I did read a lot of fanfic and there was this soulmate AU with a name tattooed on each wrist and you don’t know which one is a platonic soulmate and which one is a romantic soulmate.

13. favourite lgbt character?

Fictional, Laura Hollis. Real, Hayley Kiyoko

14. favourite lgbt ship?

The og hollstein! Ughhh I miss them so much

15. favourite lgbt song?

Oooo this is hard, I actually have a few… can I give top 3? Whatever, it’s my blog. Top 3 are sleepover by hayley kiyoko, kiss the boy by keiynan lonsdale, and sick of losing soulmates by dodie

16. what’s your favourite thing about your partner / crush?

I don’t have one to talk about

17. what’s the best thing to do with your partner / crush?

I don’t have one to talk about

18. how did you meet your partner / crush?

I don’t have one to talk about

19. what first attracted you to your partner / crush?

I don’t have one to talk about

20. what’s something that reminds you of your partner / crush?

I don’t have one to talk about

21. what’s your lgbt identity?

les be honest

22. when did you realise you’re lgbt?

After I broke up with my boyfriend in high school I started questioning my sexuality and the thoughts followed through in college. Tbh that phase in college really helped me realize I wasn’t into men like how I thought I was in high school.

23. do you fit any stereotypes for your sexuality?

obsessed with hayley kiyoko, carabiners oh so many carabiners, can’t sit in chairs properly, tucked shirt cuffed jeans, always short nails, super athletic, climbing, loves building things like I just helped my best friend move in so we had hella furniture to put together

24. have you ever been to pride?

I think I went twice? I remember who I went with the first time going but I don’t remember the second. All I recall was being able to buy a drink.

25. how did you / do you plan to come out?

Family wise, I came out to my sister first waaay back when, she kinda found out looking at pictures on my phone and asked me about it. My little brother is my best friend so I told him a bit after I started dating. I came out to my parents 2 years ago bc I was dating someone during the pandemic and I wanted to do a small trip to/with her. Their reactions were a lot better than I expected actually - a lecture about queer relationship and safe sex, and a Confucius quote… so not bad? My older brother knows that I know that he knows I’m gay but I never explicitly told him lol that’s just our dynamic.

26. do you remember the name of your first crush?

I do but I shall not say

27. how did you first kiss go?

My very first kiss was super sweet and awkward. This guy I dated in high school walked me home and as we were saying bye, we hugged and stood for what felt like 5 minutes before we did like a small kiss. And then he walked me closer to my door and left to catch the bus

28. what did you do on your first date?

My very first date was super basic, we went to watch a movie and have dinner, got dessert and talked at bart waiting to go home

29. who was the first person you came out to?

I think, like it’s been a long time, I think the first person or even people I came out to was my group of friends from high school on a camping trip after graduation

30. pick a question of your choice + answer it.

I’ve answered all these questions but these were fun. Thanks anon! Hope you have a good one!!

[tumblunni]

Oh! And also how ghosts are great!

Like thats not just me being morbid about the suicidalness, i mean ive always thought that a ghost's particular superpowers would be like the biggest healing thing for all my anxieties!

Being able to turn invisible AND fly AND walk thru the wall to escape?? I could essentially be alone even when im in a crowd of people! And it was just relaxing to sit down and think "hey what would i do in this place if i had absolutely no fear of social embarassment?" Like how i'd actually be able to look at all the things on every single shelf in a shop, without being on a countdown fuse until i get overwhelmed. And i wouldnt be constantly looking over my shoulder so much i cant focus on what im taking in! I could look around all the scenery instead of eyes glued to my feet to avoid eye contact. And i could lay down on the nice looking grass at the park! I could climb trees! I could collect acorns! I could do old stress relief childhood things that randomly become not allowed when you hit a certain age, cos people are judgmental jerks! I could take my plush animals out with me and photograph them in different places! I could wear whatever wild style i want! I could however much i want to order, without worrying people would judge me for it! I could take off my socks when i have a blister on my foot and treat the blister on my foot and then reapply the sock to my foot! (Oh man my dreams are very mundane aint they.. This blister is real annoyin...) I could go to the beach again! The beach is like maximum crowd and maximum embarassment i havent been there for yeaaaars. And i could go out and explore all the places i havent been! And all the places i couldnt be, like interesting looking roofs or go visit the cute birds when all the stuff down there in the human world is too overwhelming. And i could fly all the way to all the countries all you guys live in, and give you a big bunni hug! I could help you out with chores with my amazing new powers and repay you for all your kindness!

Awaaaaaaaa GHOST POWERRS

And yo i could also chill out in relaxing old houses or cool haunted forests and nobody would give me shit for it. Take a nap in a bog! Go explore a sunken pirate ship!

Woooooooooo!!!

And oh man lol my first childhood self insert oc was kinda like.. A contrived way to have these powers while not being a ghost, so nobody would realize i was suicidal? I had actual wings to fly with, and the power of 'shadow portals' to go through walls. And i was a demon because i still identified greatly with the idea of being a misunderstood monster, yeah.

The shadow portals also had an even bigger wish fullfillment tho? Like, i always found darkness comforting as something that concealed me. And whenever i was being beaten by my parents i would sorta disassociate by imagining falling through the floor into my shadow. The idea for the portals was that it was like a pocket dimension inside that you could hide in. And absoluteky nobody could ever break down the door! But also it kinda had simular appeal to walking thru walls cos when i opened the door again i could manifest out of any other shadow, not just the one i came in through. So i could make it past any obstacles and travel to new and exciting parts of the world in an instant! And funnily enough even though this was a wish fullfillment and the rules i set out for this power were so badly written that it was mary sue powerful, i never actually wanted to be the main character. I was just the goofy comic relief sidekick to my friends and i always wrote about myself still failing at everything in the fictional world.the difference was just that people found it funny like in cartoons, and they always forgave me and still wanted to be friends. Like that was one of Dan's powers, just 'everyone either wants to be my friend or ay least doesnt hate me if they dont'. Mary sue ocs are pretty much always just a manifestation of people who are abused or bullied in real life wishing for a world where people would like them. And yeah often it leads to bad writing but honestly those kids and teens are writing it for themselves rather than you, yknow? Its what they need right now.

So umm anyway that was my one of those bad ocs and im not ashamed of any of it, cos i still think ghost shadow powers are fuckin awesome and it would be rad to meet a bunch of superhero friends. And if you dont agree then youre probably lying! We call these kids's stuff "cringe" cos its just so unapologetically what everyone wants to be, and theyre not old enough to learn the shame that kept the rest of us from making stuff like that. And that sucks cos honestly when a passionately over the top wonderful thing is actually written with fully developed writing skills and all, its the best of the best! So many of my friends's passion projects are just BEYOND AMAZING and i hate seeing how they have so little confidence simply because the thing is something important and cathartic to their real life worries or wishes and tehyve just been taught that putting any emotion at ALL into fiction is somehow cringe. And man im exactly the same way, ive quit so many projects cos im totally crushed by my anxiety about them! So yeah lets all just hope for good project luck in the future and all support each other's awesome ideas okay?

ALSO GHOST SHADOW POWERS ARE AWESOME

And yo seriously i really need to revive that idea and give it to a new oc or something.

[helloamhere]

i just started reading symphony hall and im too lazy and engrossed to stop reading to figure this out but what city are they in? please help me since i cant stop reading but must know

another anon: what city is ssh take place in? I know it’s not London but is there a particular one?Oh….yeah. I am both DELIGHTED and HIDING MY FACE at this question, because I’ve been wondering if I would ever get called out for this. It’s a composite city, so you can’t actually figure out which it is. It sits in between a couple of different places. There are multiple reasons I did that, all of which are silly and all of which made me happy. 

I’m sure it wasn’t your intention to unlock an essay but it’s saturday and I had a mocha for the first time since December! 

- I love it when you read or watch an entire story and realize you don’t know where it took place. This is sort of a genre feature in certain styles of film and mystery, like noir, where “The City” becomes this psychological character all on its own. Louis is dislocated in his own life, so I wanted a dislocated story. All the characters have had to move to this new place at some point, with more or less difficulty. 

- I love the feeling you get when something happens on the street in front of you and you lock eyes with a stranger and you say, “this place!” and the other person is like “YEAH” and you’re all like, craziest place in the world, our city, and yet that happens everywhere. I like that it happens anywhere.- So I talk about “the city” a lot of times in the story, but I didn’t want that to totally crowd out the other themes. Some threads in here are about how…honestly, how fucking hard our current economic realities are. Cities are hard to live in, you could live near work but not near your friends, nobody can afford an apartment let alone a house…I was thinking about how all of my friends in these different cities have the same worries and stresses no matter which city we’re in. 

- It’s got a lot of San Francisco in it! It’s on a coast with a mild climate where you can drive to a beach, it’s got a tech scene, it’s got a business scene that’s important but small enough for people to have really knee-cap-breaking politics. But I didn’t want to write A Silicon Valley Story because woof, it’s got so many associations for people unrelated to my story here. Writing a Story In a Place means invoking all kinds of specificity and I didn’t want to do that and distract from the other stuff I wanted to write about! 

- It’s got a little Brooklyn and a little New York in it; couldn’t write about the glamour of a performance hall without thinking about Lincoln Center and the MET (the paper cups and the chandeliers are straight out of the MET). It’s got a little Philadelphia: rising business scene, gentrification, although that’s also happening everywhere.

- but these are American places! Yeah! I’m really not committed to upholding British-ness in AU fics and I really like mixing and melding between US and brit, in language. This is….just….a thing I like to do. I know some people hate that, but my family is multinational and holds multiple citizenships and I feel like somehow, my fantasy dream world is always hanging between different countries. I wanted Liam to have left a Big Symphony like London for a Small City that had a growing orchestra, but I didn’t want to tell a whole immigration story because frankly, for me, immigration is not the most fun topic and I didn’t feel like I could just bring it up without ever dealing with how loaded it was. So this city sits in a dreamspace between the US and England.

- thinking about how to even answer this question reminds me of a good twitter thread I saw on this about the demand to make fiction hyper-literal ! I try to resist this pressure, personally, to make the details in my work a puzzle box. They’re deliberate, but sometimes the intention is to be thematically resonant or be truthful to the emotional story instead of literal rules. NK Jemison also wrote something about this a long time ago!  A/B/O verse is inherently a little fantastical? So I decided to bust that location rule a little.

[rain-line]

i had such a really sad, fucked up dream yalls

i dont remember wat happened in most of it, i just remember the ending/climax of it. even tho it was fictional i feel devastated

basically me and two friends were being chased by this really determined, wildly angry dude out for revenge. this dude was like on a strategic mind plane of zero escape or komaeda levels. so im gonna call him komaeda. one of the friends with me was some rando blondie so ill just call her kaede (bc she was sweet and very motivated n cute). the other friend,,, was literally just chihiro.

(this is p long so its under cut)

 like im only calling the villain of this dream komaeda bc of how crazy strategic n wild he was, he wasnt literally komaeda. and im calling the other friend kaede just based on looks. but this other person i was escaping with was actually just chihiro. we called them chihiro and everything. just a random dangan ronpa character for no reason lol.

we were on a high floor of a multi-storied building (like a hotel or apartment or something) and komaeda guy cornered us in a room and he sprays some sleeping gas stuff in the air so we cant run from him, like, he even sprays it within HIS own vicinity. thats how confident he was i guess he knew/was counting on that he would be the first to wake up and then he could kill kaede and chihiro (he didnt really care about me, he just wanted kaede n chihiro ded bc he felt they wronged him or watev. even tho i wasnt on his hit-list he was still dangerous so i was still scared tho and wanted to help my friends 😔 )

so kaede chihiro n komaede fall asleep bc of the sleep gas and i dont bc i held my breathe (mind blown amirite) and first thing i do is drag komaeda away into another room and try to think wat i can do with this opportunity since hes knocked out. but im weak and theres nothing i can use as a weapon to maim or kill him. (and thinking back on it, i shouldve at least tied him up to buy time but that never occured to dream me lol) the whole time while i was trying to figure out wat to do, he kept drifting in and out of the gas sleep mumbling incoherently about his plans and even trying to weakly get away from me. i just left him alone in that room and went back to the other room where kaede n chihiro were still knocked out.

i couldnt get them to wake up so i try my best to help them get away. the only other escape from the room was through the balcony. so one by one i drag and toss (GENTLY AS I CAN) their bodies from current balcony to next balcony on the floor beneath. a random gardener dude notices me and helps after quick explanation of the dire situation. having the extra manpower makes this go by way smoother and easier. we’re on the last couple floors of the building, chihiro wakes up after i move him to the next balcony. (gr8!) i climb up to the previous balcony to check to see if kaede is waking up yet and to move her to the next balcony as well, but just as i climb up both me and the rando gardener see sleepy kaede being dragged away by komaeda from a nearby vent system or watever. we’re shook.

i start to immediately climb through the vent to go after them and save her but the scenery in the building is extremely scary, like in this video exactly (probably bc i had just watched that vid for the first time about 2 nights ago). so as much as i wanted to go in and save her i was terrified. U_U 

me, gardener and chihiro try to discuss and brainstorm thingsg we could do. we weren't gonna run off to save ourselves or go look for help bc we didnt want to leave kaede  behind, but also we we were all just too scared to go in there. i tried one more time to go in and i didnt get too far bc it just kept getting scarier the more u went in so i crawled back out.

we spent maybe an hour or two trying our best to brainstorm and venture (unsuccessfully) through the vent system. finally i built up enough courage and determination for kaede and hatred for komaeda that i was ready to face fears and enter the vents again. my plan was to just run through it loud and screaming- so that rather than being jumpscared and caught off guard myself, i’d already alert or scare watever is in there so i would see them coming and it wouldnt be so scary. we still didnt have any weapons or anything, but the gardener gave me this dull gardening tool that kinda looked like one of those tools u see people pick up cake slices on to serve, u kno?

so just as i was ready to burst in, a mega bruised up, beaten, komaeda gets kicked from a window and lands in front of us. we’re all like ‘yay! kaede finally managed to best him!’ i think for a second, where is kaede tho? but i get too overwhelmed seeing komaeda there, this is finally the chance to stop him and make sure he doesnt hurt us or anyone else ever again. he has been a nightmare and i just hope he didnt hurt kaede too much. komaeda is just sittin there and seems to have already accepted his fate. doesnt say anything but it just warmly smiling and waiting for us to end it.

i wasnt gonna miss another oppurtunity like back when he pulled the sleeping gas stunt so i stab him with the  blunt  tool over and over in the face, in his eye, chest, heart- thats wen he falls over n dies. but i keep stabbing him in the back bc this whole dream hes been after us and causing so much stress and anxiety and i want to MAKE SURE he cant get back up somehow through some sneaky tricks up his sleeve or something.

after that ordeal we make our way out the building. we somehow knew that kaede would meet us down there (dream logic i guess). the weather turns into heavy, almost sideways rain. we see kaede made it to the roof of a building across the street via zip line. shes wearing a yellow raincoat bc of the weather (lol.) we’re like yay katie made it out safe. but the gardener is like ‘i dunno, doesnt it kinda look like shes way too spotless, unscratched, untouched for having winning a struggle with komaeda?’ i dont respond and ignore his comment, but it makes a very frightening feeling and thought itch at my mind that something indeed isnt right.

heres the fuckin kick

we meet up withi kaede on the roof only for her to remove the hood of the raincoat and speak to us to reveal that this is actually komaeda with his hair dyed blonde and dressed in kaede’s clothes. hes laughing in our faces and tells us what he did and watches the despair on my face. 

after he snatched kaede from the vent, he beat her the fuck up enough to make up for the fact that he wasnt able to get chihiro too. then he cut and dyed her hair (as well as dyeing his) and switched their clothes (which he actually probably did first since kaedes clothes were spotless remember) that would explain why they were in there for hours while we outside too afraid to go in, deliberating on wat to do. he actually finished setting up with time to spare, but he used that time to just wait, so that our tensions (mainly mine) would build up so much that i would feel fed up and reach the height of my anger, so thats wen he decided it was time to t hrow the disguised kaede at us from the window. he knew the mere sight of “him” would flare up my rage. 

poor katie was so beaten n rekt that she could barely move or even speak, which is why she didnt do anything to fight back or speak. she  couldnt. thats why she, as “komaeda” just sat there and smiled. that was honestly all she could do, just smile at us and accept her fate ;-;  i fucking murdered her.

so the dream ended with komaeda dressed as kaede laughing maniacally at us in the rain with the occasional lightning strikes, like a stereotypical villain ending.

that was the end. i woke up sooooooooooooooo  shookened.

tbh tho, as bad as that dream made me feel im also in love bc ive always liked tragic stories- tragic heroes, sad endings, tearjerker movies, etc, anything sad i love it. so on one hand, im devastated this happened, but on another hand im like- this is a genius storyline. a masterpiece. i love it.

[lebilliam]

111 questions with @imaginationisendless3

001: What is your biggest dream? uhhh. that depends on how you define dream. im gonna go ahead and say that the dream is to be able to wake up and go to the airport and just travel all around and come back home to the same old home at the end of the day

002: What is the bravest thing you've ever done? this q is quite a doozy. i really dont keep track of this kind of stuff

003: Is it hard for you to show your feelings? hell ye

004: What is your dream job? What was your dream job when you were little? when i was little i thought looking at space and being an astronaut would be really cool but now its just being able to travel

005: What is your favorite sound? mechanical keyboard clicking hands down

006: Would you rather be in front of the camera or behind it? wait this q seems familiar but im gonna say in front

007: What do you notice first when you meet a new person? (Both in real and on the internet): what kind of memes they like

008: Is there anybody you *fully* trust?: sure theres a list

009: Do you like / love someone? If yes, who?: there was this cute girl once but i never mustered the courage to really talk to her rip 

010: Have you ever received / sent hate? How do you deal with it?: i flame brian and logan all the time but i dont think that constitutes hate mail. tbh i dont recall an instance of being perturbed by excessive hate

011: What are you going to spend money on next?: food in martinique (or maybe some chacos here)

012: What are three things you never leave your house without?: phone, wallet, jacket

013: What is your favorite place?: ive had a lot of favorite places over the last few years but now that im being asked i cant recall any of them. all my favorite places have this one thing that i dont like about them and thats why i have so many

014: Do you sing and/or dance in front of people? nah not earnestly

015: Have you ever cheated on a test?: have YOU? i say i want to cheat on tests all the time bc itd be so easy but im just too lazy to enact a foolproof cheat strategy

016: What is your current desktop background?: last time it was a bunch of functional groups for Ochem, but now its specific reagents and pathways!

017: How would you describe yourself in 3 words? indecisive, unpredictable, decisive (i thnk)

018: What does make you happy?: honestly?? knowing im appreciated

019: What time were you born? uhh i dont know off the top of my head atm but i can check

020: Do you give second chances? Why? why the fuck NOT? well i say that but all the second chances ive given have been disappointments. trying to find someone to surprise me i guess? xd

021: Name your biggest turn ons and turn offs: serious turn offs are lacking empathy for the struggles of others (i say stop being poor ironically, but there are people who really dont get it which is scary to me). turn ons? Jacinda asked me this and my answer still hasnt changed-- the neck. i ALWAYS go for the jugular

022: When was the last time you hugged someone?: hmmmmm probably last month or so?

023: What is your favorite food? GOD dang it i know i say a lot of things are my favorite but now i cant think of anything. something im always down for is KFC though

024: Do you save money or spend it right away? FUCK i try to save it but money just has a way of leaving my hands

025: Do you have any tattoos? If yes, what are their meanings? If no, would you get any?: id love to get tattoos. sleeves and all those seem really neat but also i know im just rash with decisions like that sometimes

026: Name five things you find beautiful: ooo hair in sunlight, pure moments of unadulterated laughter, crafts that people work on, technology, and mechanical keyboards

027: What is your favorite clothing style? (Both in you and others): lately ive been joking about the CLOUT a lot with champion and supreme branded stuff but its ironic. tbh i like buttonups with nice colors.

028: How do you cheer yourself up? i slid into this girl’s dms with this very question and then i linked her a minecraft song parody so i guess minecraft song parodies and stupid things

029: Do you show affection in public?: i would IF I COULD

030: What is one thing you are looking forward to?: martinique, being refreshed enough to actually care about school bc this last semester was a shitshow

031: Have you ever been to other countries? If yes, where?: france, spain, italy, canada, (japan when i was uber young), vietnam, fircrest

032: What was the last lie you told and why? ill start on this at 2pm. i was still in bed at 2

033: Who are the people you can always turn to? mo, lo

034: Have you ever done drugs? If not, would you ever try them?: it sounds like itd be a cool experience but im also scared all of those horror stories where the drugs were laced with other stuff that turns you into a 4 year old

035: What is your favorite word? i think about the word obsequious a lot but i think my favorite word has to go to discord

036: Do you consider yourself a romantic? sure why not

037: What are 3 objects that are *very* important to you and why?: notes section in my phone ( i write a lot of my thoughts and weird dreams in there), my laptop ( i use it literally every single day), my dice ( bc dnd has been uber helpful to me and its a great pastime)  

038: Have you ever met someone famous? If so, who?: nope! not special

039: What would you like to change, mentally and physically, about yourself? id like to start working out but i say that all the time. id like to be more dedicated to school stuff but honestly its whatever. idk jsut trying to be more confident in myself and smiling more

040: Have you ever won a contest/competition? What for? i won a smash tournament once and i got fourth or third in another one but that was a long time ago

041: What is one illegal thing you would do if there were no consequences? steal, armed robbery. 

042: Who are your favorite fictional characters? borutos dad seems kind of cool, they should make an anime about him or something

043: Do you ever wish you were somebody else? yea i wish i was me but better

044: What is your favorite store to shop at? FUEGO and the runway fashion exchange and idk some other cool store but it doesnt come to mind

045: Do you want to have children one day? How many? How would you name them?: i think about it. having children would be cool but also NOT having kids would be cool

046: How do you cope with stress? How do you vent your anger? i say reee unironically but then it makes me feel better 

047: What do you want for your birthday? honestly? lots of money but idk a new set of dice would be nice ore maybe a new computer

048: Have you ever had an imaginary friend? yea probably

049: Have you ever said "I love you" even though you didn't mean it? in the times ive said it i feel like i have meant it but you can never be too sure

050: What is the best advice anyone has ever given you? starting to write down all your feelings and stuff that happens

051: Do you have any regrets? If yes, what do you regret the most? not taking the opportunity to go to high school/ college early / skipping grades / trying harder on admissions tests

052: Do you find tattoos and/or piercings attractive? theyre pretty neat imo i like them

053: Do you want to get married? What are your views on marriage? marriage is such an old concept but also it seems kind of cool

054: Who are you most comfortable around? tbh its been myself for the last few weeks 

055: What are you wearing right now? What do you wear to bed? i am wearing shorts. i try not to wear too much when i sleep bc i overheat but if i have someone else in bed with me ill wear a thin shirt and shorts

056: When is your birthday? feb 26!

057: What is love to you? love is being able to send memes to each other and being able to go from 2 blobs watching videos to a fancy date and 

058: Are you a jealous person? i can be jealous if i dont trust whatever is happening

059: Would you rather go to a party or stay at home? hmm tbh id probably party if my friends were there or if not id stay at home 

060: How many relationships have you had? quite a few

061: Are you a positive person? sure, i guess ;)

062: What kind of people do you feel attracted to? smart people who are smart but also dumb and cute

063: What is the longest time you've stayed awake? oooowee i think 21 hours or so?

064: Have you ever been told "I don't want to lose you"? yep! proceeded to then lose me!

065: What is your favorite genre when it comes to movies? action comedy

066: Do you collect anything? memories and dust and trinkets

067: In your opinion, what is your best quality? i can make you laugh

068: Have you ever changed for someone?yep! it happens and its sad but it happens

069: What is your idea of a perfect date? a date is the entire day, starting out with waking up next to the person, eating breakfast together, maybe do some errands / work out, netflix and chill, chill, go out for a nice dinner and night out, come back, netflix and chill, chill, go to bed.

070: Are you shy or outgoing? i would love to say im outgoing but idk!

071: In your opinion, what is the secret for a great relationship? surprises everywhere

072: Are you the kind of person who breaks rules? hm im sure i did at some point. maybe i still do?

073: Is it hard for you to trust people? yea it can get a lil hard

074: What does your dream house look like? fat front yard, lots of plants, lots of green grass

075: Do you feel attracted to people your age, younger or older? hmm im at the ripe age of 19 where options younger than me are a lil sketch. idk according to the historia older people have been quality

076: How much have you changed over the past year? a LOT boii

077: Longest friendship you've ever had? hmm about 6 or 7 or 8 years

078: Do you have pets? If not, what animal would you like to have? no pets, id love dogs

079: Are you left or right handed? ambidextrous

080: What talent do you wish you’d been born with? perfect pitch would help a lot with what i like to do

081: Where do you get motivation and inspiration? minecraft parody songs, also seeing professionals doing what they do

082: Do you know how to swim? If yes, when did you learn? yea, i learned when i was in bellingham and then i learned more when i was in kent

083: You are given one wish: What do you wish for? i wish for 100 million dollars with no inflation, no taxes, no debts, no one filing a lawsuit or slandering my name (this is all a part of getting the 100 mil. ive thought about getting money a lot)

084: Do you like to give / receive flowers? What is your favorite flower? i like giving flowers bc i feel like if i receive them,  i dont know what to do. its now ur problem if i get you flowers

085: Would you rather travel to a cold forest or a warm beach? warm beach if its not in the early morning when the sun rises, otherwise, forest

086: What is one thing you can't forgive, that can destroy a friendship or relationship beyond repair? if u kill me i dont think i could get over that

087: What is the last thing you purchased? corsair mouse

088: Have you ever broken someone's heart? Ever gotten your heart broken? yep and yep

089: Have you ever cheated on someone? Ever been cheated on? no and yes

090: Do you believe in soulmates? uhhh its possible. theres 8 billion people on this planet, what are the odds that soulmates DOnt exist

091: Is there anybody you would do absolutely *anything* for? If yes, who? hmmmm not anything, but id do a fair bit for my friends

092: Share three facts about your life.: i like to eat, make friends, and travel/experience other cultures

093: Do you believe in love at first sight? i do, but most of the time it isnt reciprocated ;p

094: Would you date someone who smokes / drinks / does drugs / has a mental illness? yea, i dont see why that would stop me from dating them

095: You are given 15 minutes of fame: What would you do? ask for money

096: How is your dream partner like? shes funny, makes me laugh, smells good, etc

097: Would you rather commit to one person or have several relationships? id rather have several relationships so i know exactly what im looking for in a person.

098: What are some of your hobbies? league, hearthstone, watching people play league and hearthstone, french, etc

099: What kind of person do you want to be? i want to be the cool old person when im old

100: What did you have for breakfast? i had some vietnamese cuisine

101: What is your Top 3 favorite shows? What was your Top 3 favorite shows when you were a kid? the office is something i enjoy, mythbusters, uh scooby doo? idk 

102: What are three places you *really* would like to visit one day? hmmm maybe the trevi fountain, il duomo, totally la sagrada familia 

103: What was your last meal? What was your last beverage? breakfast, water

104: Who is the last person you had a deep conversation with? hmm probably anastasia

105: What is one thing that made you smile today? thinking about martinique

106: Do you like taking photos? If yes, what do you photograph the most?i love taking photos, but i never have subjects so i dont really take photos too often

107: Has anyone ever written a poem or a song dedicated to you? Have you? FHCk man i wish. wait there was a 100 things i like about you and i think about it all the time. i actually have written poems and stuff but tis been a  long time and i dont think my creative juices are back from that yet (but trust me, it was straight fire)

108: Do you remember your dreams? If yes, what was the last dream you remember about?: i remember almost all of my dreams because i always tell someone about them and idk talking helps me remember things 

109: If you could go back in the past, would you change anything? If yes, what? i would start learning things so much earlier and stick with theme

110: If you were given 3 million dollars, what would you do with them? invest 2 mill in the bank, get that monthly interest coming back in the mail, use that mill to pay off all my and my friends debts, live life the way i wished i could when i was little

111: What are a few facts about you that not many people know of? i like learning languages but its not profitable in this day and age i feel

'111 Questions': by Ira V. Simon (priveting)

[grassepi]

tagged by @jamthedingus, who always somehow gets her hands on these before I do and then tags me in them rip (ilu dion) Rules: Answer 20 Questions and tag 20 amazing followers you would like to get to know better. Name: Hazel Grace Nickname: gracie, hazelnut, DIB Birthmonth: November Height: 5″1! im a short kiddo Ethnicity: white 

Orientation: harold, shes a lesbian

Fruit: strawberries Season: Fall makes me feel happy n warm

Books: Howl’s Moving Castle, Carry On, basically any Rick Riordan book, this real edgy book called ‘Girl In Pieces’ that i read in 8 hours straight and cried for the last 100 pages,, probably a thousand more i cant even remember right now Flowers: forget-me-nots and lilies

Scent: pine, a forest after rain, lavender, hibiscus Animals: panthers, brittle stars, spotted skunks (theres a story behind that one) Beverage: pink grapefruit tea with a bit of sugar makes me very warm n happy Hours of sleep: it varies depending how stressed i am//how i particularly feel about sleep atm? right now its like 8-9 but sometimes its like 4-6 lmao Fictional Characters: screams at this question yuri plisetsky, killua zoldyck, teruki hanazawa, oikawa tooru, (is it obvious yet that i have a type) taako taco, lup taco,, why arent there more woman on this list i thought i was gayer than this

Number of blankets you sleep with: in summer probably 1 sheet at best and during winter like 3 blankets, all of them fuzzy Dream Trip: i could say somewhere cool or fun like london or japan but honestly my favourite place in the world is this tiny little town called Boundary Bay and if i had the chance to go there at any point ever i would take it. I’d collect sand dollars and paint the beach like my grandma once did and finally be brave enough to go down that path in the woods that leads to a place i’ve never seen

Blog created:  idunno??? sometime late 2015 i think Number of Followers: 415 right now!! i only started regulating like spambots and stuff around 200 tho so idk how many arent even real people ngl

im not gonna tag anyone just for the sheer fact that my mom is yelling at me to come clean the kitchen and i DONT HAVE TIME RIP

do this if u want!! @ anyone <33333

[sirivs-bl4cks]

Tagged by: @nachodiablo​ (this was so nice, thank you! ヽ(´ー`)ﾉ ) rules : answer the 20 questions and tag 20 amazing followers you’d like to get to know better! (i don’t have that many *sighs*)

Name: K (let’s stick to that,okay?). I have pretty... distinctive Slavic name, which may sound weird (and also be difficult to pronounce) in other languages so I’ll keep it for myself :)

Nicknames: keru 

Zodiac Sign: pathetic-ass Virgo here

Height: 5′4-sth, almost 5′5 if I’m not mistaken

Orientation: I don’t know??? That stress me out because I’m almost 22 and really confused because I sometimes feel like I’m pansexual and the other days like and asexual and ?? 

Ethnicity: Polish 

Favourite fruit: I like vegetables more to be honest, but if I had to choose, I’d probably say watermelon and wild strawberries

Favourite Season: the best of Autumn a.k.a September and October

Favourite Book: (besides of HP which is pretty obvious) The Lord of the Rings + The Silmarillion, Master and Margaret (if you haven’t read it yet, go and do it NOW), Sherlock Holmes (I only read Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s works, I dont accept other writers’ Sherlock Holmes books i’m sorry). Moreover, I really appreciate some Polish writers of previous century (the ones that wrote mostly weird, psychedelic shit)

Favourite Flower: artificial :’) I’m not good with plants and flowers aren’t really my thing (so I don’t really care/have one)

Favourite Scent: coconut, watermelon, coniferous forest in Summer

Favourite Animal: I love reptiles

Coffee, tea or hot cocoa: coffee. I’m a 100% coffee person and if I could, I’d drink probably like dozen cups a day. I’m a huge sucker for hot chocolate too

Average sleep hours: 6-ish? Sometimes even less. I can’t get enough sleep E V E R. But once in a while, very, very rarely, there are days that I could sleep for like 14 hours, so-

Cat or dog person: neither. I’m at this point of my life when I’d say that I love both equally. I had cats almost all my life (my last cat passed away in December 2016), and now I have two amazingly dorky doggos (since 2011) that are the loves of my life, so I’d say it’s 50/50

Favourite fictional character:      ( ................ O N E ?) Okay, uhm... Toothless, Bilbo Baggins (because I’m a LOTR trash) and I don’t know I cant just pick one that’s unfair because almost all of the characters in the books I read are my faves, so, ugh, this question just doesn’t count, okay?

Dream trip: Norway, every season. Just take me there now, please. Any trip out of Poland will do to be honest because this country sucks

Blog created: this particular account was created in 2015 I believe, but It was a trash blog (literally). It became what it is right now like... what? three weeks ago? same url was previously a side-blog (quite briefly tbh) but it was the one I used the most so I cleaned up the mess at main, move all the shit here, and created literall hell

Number of followers: 20-something (probably with addition of some blocked porn blogs). Ya know, three weeks

What do i post about: idk, astronomy probably? (it was sarcastic and unintended but quite good actually *self-five*). Really, It’s mostly just me crying over Marauders, nothing special.

Do i get asks on a regular basis: nope, not at all. someone fix this as soon as possible please

Aesthetic: oversized sweathirts, cold coffee, Autumn forest, foggy mountains, books + blankets + hot chocolate

Favourite band/artist: Arctic Monkeys (yes I’m that person), indie and alternative music in general (The Kooks, The Strokes, etc). I also lowkey love 80′s glam bands. and visual kei Oh and Marina Diamandis is my queen. Who would’ve expect that.

Fictional characters I’d date: Sirius Black, Flynn Rider/ Eugene Fitzherbert , probably Killian Jones from OUAT

Hogwarts house: proud Ravenclaw I tag anyone who want to do this because I suck at such things and there are probably like 5 people that actually follow me so Idk what’s the point of tagging in my case anyway :’)

[haretakouri-blog]

some rambling/hcs about yuuri and his mental illness and how strong he is!

the thing about yuuri and his season where he got last in the GPF is that he wasnt just at the lowest of his career, he was probably in his worst mental state like, ever. and thats honestly one of the worst feelings, knowing youre miserable but youre just so lost you dont know what to do, and you know its your mental illness but it doesnt help to know that.

he probably had a time that before this GPF he saw as his ‘absolute worst’ mental health wise and whenever he was feeling bad, at least it wasnt as bad as that. but then he ended up being worse than that because of everything that happened. he was skating in front of thousands of people (which is already anxiety inducing), he had super low self confidence and pretty much assumed failure was the only option, and had the general stress of college on top of professional skating, social life, and everything else you need to do as an adult. 

and then his dog, who was probably his rock for many years in his life and would help him through his depression and anxiety and general feelings like he wasn’t worth anything, died without much warning, and he hadnt seen him for 5 years already. his anxiety and depression probably got horrible after that, and then he had to skate one of the most important events of his life. tbh, he probably had an anxiety attack while skating and barely stopped himself from breaking down! he had so much stress and anxiety built up, theres no way he wasnt super overwhelmed by it all

and, as i said before, its probably the worst hes ever been in his life. hes overwhelmed, theres so much to do and he doesnt know how he can do it all and do it well. and he knows he needs to do something about his mental health, but that just adds on even more and hes just so, so lost and he doesnt even know where to start on anything. he doesnt know how hes supposed to keep on living at this point, he doesnt even know if he’ll be able to convince himself to get out of bed. and when you get that overwhelmed and lost and confused, you just sob uncontrollably. you dont know what to do and youre in so much pain that you just cry for what seems like forever, and it just makes you feel more lost. you sit there crying so hard you can barely breathe and the only thing youre thinking is ‘i dont know what to do. i cant do this. i dont know what to do’ over and over

and the only thing he can even think to do is to quit skating, because he cant do it anymore. not if it means feeling like that. he knows there were a lot of other factors, but the thought skating in competition and possibly ending up like that again gave him anxiety attacks. he couldnt do it then, so he went home.

viktor shows up, and having the best skater alive see so much potential in you that he drops everything to help you become even better and coach you helps with self esteem. but it also makes him feel guilty about ‘stealing viktor’, and it doesnt magically cure his fears of competing again. he barely manages to do hasetsu on ice without having a panic attack (right before he goes on we’re seeing through yuuris eyes; it goes blurry-ish and starts swirling, because hes about to cry). viktor manages to distract him enough that yuuri gets through the first competition fine, and having an experience where yuuri doesnt fail miserably or have a panic attack helps, but hes still afraid before competitions. 

hes slowly getting better and more confident; less afraid of having panic attacks, more towards where he was before. but then he cries before his SP in china and hes terrified hes going back to that mental state where he was helpless. viktor again helps him through it by believing in him and yuuri calms down enough to skate really well. this boosts his confidence even more-- he could break down right before skating, but he was strong enough now that he could skate an amazing performance after, without having a panic attack

there arent any big anxiety-inducing moments after makkachin and viktor leaving him for his FS, and his mental state continues to improve slowly. but, the guilt of taking viktor grows and results in the end of ep 11, where he tells viktor he wants to stop skating. this time its not a decision made from panic and helplessness, but out of guilt and sadness. he’s not necessarily upset; more melancholy. sure, he was a little sad to end his career, but he felt happy with what he achieved and he was happy to let viktor skate again. he never thought viktor wouldve reacted the way he did, that viktor wanted him to keep skating to badly. sure, he knew viktor loved him and his skating (i mean, they got engaged!) but he didnt understand how much it meant to viktor (and to him; he didnt really realize how upset he was, too focused on his guilt)

he doesnt skate his SP in the GPF like he imagined, and he feels like he disappointed everyone. especially viktor; especially himself. his anxiety threatens to ruin his FS, but hes grown so much now and hes able to acknowledge his mistakes (though he doesnt realize that he was actually quite amazing; it wasnt exactly as he imagined, but it was good) without ruining his next performance. he breaks viktors record, something he hadnt spent a second even dreaming about, because it had seemed pointless. something impossible, an unattainable dream, so why bother even dreaming. he beat the living skating legend who he’s also marrying at ithe GPF. and he realizes that he doesnt want to stop. he wants to let viktor skate, because he loves him and loves his skating, but he was so close to winning. hes confident now, confident that given just one more year he could get gold, and confident enough to ask viktor for more of his time

this was long and ramble-y but... this is how i view yuuris mental health throughout the series. and theres definitely a lot of projection happening, but i dont think any of it is that far off from what happened in canon. i am so immensely proud and amazed at how strong yuuri is. coming back from such a low point where he felt helpless and miserable, to becoming as confident as he is at the end of the series. its honestly one of the hardest things to do in life. if you have anxiety and/or depression and youve had a low, low time like that, you know. its absolute hell to get anywhere when you feel like that. and yuuri went so, so far. he inspires me honestly, to keep on going in life, even though hes fictional. ive connected to him so much, and thats why i love to see him happy, because he reminds me that i can be like him. itll suck, but ill make it there. and ill forever be grateful to yuri on ice for giving me this character

that got really deep and personal um... i didnt mean for this. i was supposed to be playing overwatch.... side note: this is obviously very personal so please dont reblog ;;

[griffther]

💗🐹🌠☀️😘🌟💙🐇🌻🍓✈️☕️🎵💛💚🌺🍀🍄😣🍪🍑☔️🐝🎨🙊🐶👑🐴(opinion on me)🍋📚😌🐧🎀🍦🐼

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be? {Aleena of course}🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?{Vulpix and Ninetales because they're beautiful, oddish because it's adorable, and lapras because it reminds me of like a business woman that could stab me with her stiletto heel and i have no explanation for that}🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?{A lot of gays. (Jk like equality for everyone and a lot more public aid and just basically the exact 100% opposite of Donald Trump)}☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend?{Uh Well I'm still not sure if I'm allowed to say my girlfriend is my best friend? So if I am then it's her ability to take care of me and make me happy. If not than I guess it would be my friend Jeffrey and I like the fact that we can just sit in a room hanging out and there's no pressure}😘 talk about your crush or partner{Aleena! She's tall and gorgeous and she really likes me I think and she kisses my face a lot which is nice. She's really funny which I appreciate. She's just A+ in general}🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!){oh god. My hair is nice, I have soft hands, and sometimes my eyes are a decent color?}💙 what annoys you about some people? {Immaturity and when people are agressive}🐇 what do you always daydream about?{What my life will be like some day. I've had a lot of people telling me recently that becoming a social worker isn't worth it and I'll just end up working at Starbucks or something and I'm just really stressed out about it. So mostly I've been daydreaming about marrying someone who has a well paying (enough) job that I won't have to quit what I love}🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change? {Poverty/hunger, lack of health care, and inequality}🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?{??? 4 names did not come with this one so I don't know what to do here?}✈️ what is your dream city and why?{It's a tie between Boston and Asheville, NC. Boston is amazing and so diverse and inclusive! Asheville is closer to my family though and is still pretty diverse and inclusive. (I was going to include San Fran but I'm fucking terrified of earth quakes)}☕️ talk about your ideal day{I would like it to be raining, maybe a little chilly. I'd sit out on my screened in porch in my hammock with Aleena and draw and read and watch dumb shows on my phone/laptop}🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment{Breezeblocks by Alt-j, Everlasting Light by The Black Keys, Bite Down by Bastille and HAIM, Avalanche by Walk the Moon, and In One Ear by Cage the Elephant}💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?{Draw more, practice more, and wear more bug spray}💚 who are you jealous of and why? {Just about anyone who has their life together because I'm failing}🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?{I know French and English, and I would love to learn Spanish}🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?{Either Victor or Yuuri, I still can't decide which one I like more}🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike{I really fucking hate spicy foods. Like? Why would you purposefully hurt yourself??? You're all a bunch of masochists}😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately{All the people I care about are distant, I'm going into a profession that has an insane burn out rate and very little pay, I want to be a mom but what if I'm not financially sound enough, I hate school so much, AAAAHHHHHHHHH}🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?{I wanted to be a vet because I love animals but then I learned that I would have to put animals down and noped out of that one real quick. Now I want to be a social worker}🍑 what are you obsessed with?{Totally not Yuri on Ice....}☔️ would you consider yourself a good person?{Not really, no}🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?{Forgetfulness. Hopefully by taking my meds and writing things down. (Did you pick this one just because it had a bee? Because if so than I approve)}🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?{I color in the corners of my pages with various line designs. I'll also doodle characters from whatever I'm currently interested in}🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?{(I can't find the 🙊 emoji so I'm guessing it's this one?) Uh procrastination due to anxiety and forgetfulness due to Lyme Disease}🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!{.....uh just like the other one, this wasn't sent with 3 characters so....?}👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why? {oh fuck you cant make me choose this. If they don't have to be living then definitely Carrie Fisher.}🐴 opinion on __?{Cute and amazing. Solid 10/10}🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person?{FUCK YES}📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.{The Captive Prince series- "And if you want a personal message," said Laurent, "You can tell my uncle boykiller that he can cut the head off every child from here to the capital. It won't make him into a king, it will simply mean he has no one left to fuck."Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe- "Words were different when they lived inside of you.” (I have this entire book annotated cover to cover so this was very hard for me)Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children- "Stars, too, were time travelers. How many of those ancient points of light were the last echoes of suns now dead? How many had been born but their light not yet come this far? If all the suns but ours collapsed tonight, how many lifetimes would it take us to realize we were alone? I had always known the sky was full of mysteries—but not until now had I realized how full of them the earth was."}😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?{I have people who love me and my cat would be devastated if I disappeared}🐧 describe yourself in 3 words{Short, sad, tired}🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?{Can you just call a fashion sense "Forever 21"?}🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?{Uhhh running around my backyard with my cousin(s) playing make believe or soccer or playmobiles}🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?{oh god uh probably Michelle Obama because she's perfect and amazing}