#i cant remember it exacly now but i know ive felt better
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god i am not doing well
#its hard for me to even type this shit out because it scares me to acknowledge it#ive written a lot and deleted it over and over because it makes it too real#but to be honest i cant imagine a future for myself#its not like i WANT to die im too scared for that but im also too scared to do any real living so whats the point#im not gonna do anything. of course im not gonna do anything#i just wish i could give shit about myself in a way other than just terror at the thought of dying#i know im capable of it ive had great times andmade great progress in the last few years. i know i have#i cant remember it exacly now but i know ive felt better#but ive lost a lot of progress i feel like#and i knowwww i know its not linear like that its not REALLY like im 14 again but it feels like it#my meds havent fully kicked in yet. once they do it will get easier#it has to
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