#i cant ignore that amazing chemistry

[justmeinadaze]

I was gonna message @icallhimjoey when I was done watching Hoard but i just have so much to say I'm putting it here lol some spoilers, my own trauma, and interpretation under the cut.

Everytime I see people talk about this movie I see them say things like "If you dont get it be glad you've never felt grief or pain like this." I hate it because its said as if you should feel bad because you've never experienced trauma like this.

You shouldnt ever compare trauma whether you have it or not. Pain is pain. Now as someone who HAS experienced grief, loss, and heavy mother wounds this movie hits home for me and if you dont know what Maria and Michael are going through on this level... it really is a blessing.

And yes I'm including Michael. Both characters have unresolved mother trauma and it shows. Maria and Michael are not a "couple" anyone should aspire to be. As a boy who was abandoned by his mom from birth hes not only looking for someone to love him unconditionally but someone to take care of. Like me I assume he believes "If I take care of her and please her she'll finally accept me and I'll be worthy of love."

For Maria, Michael and even her best friend remind her of the "happy" memories she has with her mom. Because shes ignored them so to speak for 10 years shes being bombarded and doesnt know how to handle all those emotions. Essentially Maria is still in that 8 year old mind set.

Both are perfect for each other in a toxic way and feed off that energy negatively.

As some one who left my abusive biological parent at 13 I ignored that trauma to until my dads sudden death knocked all those memories back into my conscious and I had to learn how to handle them. I didnt do it well at first pushing myself to almost unaliving myself.

It took almost 7 years and another death in my life to trigger the need to fully heal. I'm still healing. The hardest bit for me is still clinging to those "good memories". Memories where my bio mom made me feel loved and happy mixed in my sea of chaos and abuse.

If I have those memories... it must mean she loved me at one time right? That my experience wasnt THAT bad. I think that's why this last scene hits so hard. A part of me wants to just live in the "good" memories and continue to scream "Why cant you love me?! Is it that hard to love me?!"

Jesus... thankfully I found a Michelle of my own who helps with that mother wound and I have no problem being any of yall surrogate mama❤. You are not alone.

It's ok to feel what you're feeling and it's ok to heal at your own pace. Your feelings are valid.

I love this movie. Saura and Joseph are absolutely amazing and their chemistry really works so well with the material. I geniuenly hope this helped Luna heal❤.

[daphnebowen]

hsmtmts season four episode five

WHY ARE ALL OF THEM IGNORING RICHARD even though it’s LITERALLY RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS FACE still that’s really rude what happened to being nice to people??? If people are genuinely like that in college I am scared

“Richard Bowen.”

”Elton John.” I LOVE THESE TWO!!!!

why does the principal care omg like stay out of her business not everyone can make every rehearsal what do you expect??

kourtneys hero is her mom! That’s the most wholesome and sweetest thing ever 🥰

if kourtneys college trip was a casual visit how come miss girl is wearing four inch heels a miniskirt and a turtleneck 🥸 not that I’m complaining, she looks amazing, but I’m just saying my feet would be KILLIN ME

”wait wait wait… YOURE working??”

ok can we talk about ej for a min?? Man has four jobs, full class schedule, is on the PING PONG TEAM (is that a thing?), is an acapella group called the blindorphins (blind orphans? Help?), has no parental support (srsly, where is his mama?) has a beard much more prominent than the one in season two, is the dork of his friend group (how????), is talking to Val (I totally ship, ngl, so if it’s just a friend thing ima hurt someone) and wears Birkenstocks. He’s a hippie. Someone help my matty poo. But good for him! Proud of ya eej!

”you do look good.” “You look… terrible.”

okay, plot hole, ej says he’s been dabbling in playing the guitar yet in season three he’s literally playing the guitar for the song “ballad of Susan fine.” So is he dabbling in other types of guitars or is a plot hole??? Because if it’s a plot hole it’s the first one I’ve noticed. and now it’s bugging me. And I can’t unsee it.

”I do not break my promises” NO YOU DONT

”for my leading lady thirty seconds.” Welp

”g force” I cant

”no is a complete sentence” thanks Quinn that’s my senior quote

YES GINA

”I’m hearing awards buzz” the only line from Mack I haven’t absolutely hated

“ all songs might be terrible, Elton.”

they’re such brothers it hurts knowing that this is like their last season together :( I wish we’d gotten more of their friendship “ooh, a capo? Fancy.” Ricky said with a proud smile 🤩 his big bro is all grown up (which is backwards, but you know what I mean)

I absolutely love this song! It’s everything we’ve ever needed and more

ricky looks so intently focused on ej he’s into it

AWWW THEYRE DUETING TOGETHER

that song really hit Ricky home huh. That’s just what he needed. I can totally see why people ship Ricky and ej because their chemistry and like, playfulness was really cute but I still see it as more of a bromance and brother relationship.

man Siri is really working miss Jenn dang

The fact that Siri is still going and recording all while miss Jenn and Carlos are talking has me bawling what if it sent the text to the theater group lmao

no Mack. You and Gina are not “best friends.” Yall are barely friends imo. Ashlyn is Gina’s best friend. Kourtney is Gina’s best friend. Ricky is Gina’s best friend (plus a lil smth else 😏😉)

the fact that she’s looking at a picture of Ricky to help her nail the chemistry 😚 true love right there

EW NASTY MACK STOP KISSING GINA Gina looks like she does not wanna be there but Mack is all in and I wanna slap him

omg big red. What happened…. Cairo… changed him?

Aw his grandma is 100! That’s so sweet

stopppp I still can’t believe it was BIG FREAKING RED

”fantastic. My girlfriend is kissing her childhood crush”

THE CAPTION HAS ME DEAD

ejs little noises “mmm.. mmmm… mmMMMMmm.” He totally disapproves huh

i love how Ricky is ranting to ej even though Gina and ej dated and ej is pretty cool with it, he’s so supportive in this season

man Ricky cannot sit still boy is constantly moving

“everyone’s only allowed to be okay, for like, ten seconds” yup pretty much sucks but true

”todd” says it like it’s the worst word ever

im tired of you losing people too Ricky - don’t worry I’m HERE FOR YOU :((

I love how big red was just like SURPRISE!! even tho Carlos is literally dying of heartbreak and he’s just like “eh it’s cool, whatever” COME ON BIG RED YOURE BETTER THAN THAT

i can’t freaking believe that big reds coming out moment was with Sebastian

I love how Ashlyn doesn’t even care herself she’s just worried about Carlos mostly TELL HIM ASH TELL HIM

bug red is so supportive 😍 he’s a number one madlyn fan I swear

honestly redlyn was one of the most non toxic couples in the show, they constantly supported each other and were there for each other, but they knew that there just wasn’t something final about them together, yes they clicked and they clicked well and so they’re better off as friends now that both of their storylines have explored other sides of their feelings and broadened “their dating pools” as Ashlyn said. So I’m glad that they’re staying friends. And were able to come to a mutual breakup. “Or maybe growing towards this” 🥹

”but what if I got it wrong?” GIRL SHE JUST TRIED TO KISS YOU ON HALLOWEEN!!! SHE WAS THE ONE TO INITIATE IT!!!

”we are 24 cups?!” The instant panic is so real

Carlos: “do you know what it’s like to be gay?” Miss Jenn: *shakes her head* 😭😭😭😭

”hiding is never the answer” yess!! This all the way

baby steps Carlos you got this hun

kourtney really is glowing , she’s so happy at Lewis

harpers shoes are super cute!

”how heavy can a steadicam be?” The steadicam guy: really heavy 😒

“you missed every one of my opening nights!” “Hollywood is different” GIRL I hate you if it weren’t for those opening nights Gina probably wouldn’t be in hollywood hate to admit it but I did

I hate Gina’s mom so much why does she feel the need to push Gina towards Mack and invite him over for dinner and make her miss rehearsals when clearly she wants to go rehearse like what? Gina doesn’t even like Mack that way!

ginas mother… I thought you said “no boys.” And here she is

the last time Carlos is gonna smile at big red “spill the international tea”

YOU KISSED MY BOYFRIEND?!?!?

”im very fond of you “ AWWW sad considering the circumstances but it’s still a sweet thing to say..

oh- mad and mad are back on again

i love how ej aaid “no” when the thunder cracked 💀

TIME FOR SOME BIG BRO EJ TOUGH LOVE AHHHH ALL FOR IT 💗

see the fact that Ricky didn’t even know about ejs dad problems and everything going on with him and Gina and still waited respectfully until Gina was ready shows his character growth. In season one he was actively interfering with nini and ejs relationship but in season three he saw Gina was happy and let her have her happiness. This is what I love about him ❤️

”you will never meet another family like the Wildcats” HITS LIKE HOME CUZ ITS OVER

”cause I miss it every single day” literally me rewatching this knowing I will never be able to go back and rewatch seasons 1 and 2 ever again 😢

Matt Cornett king of voice cracks

”she would be be with you if she didn’t see the guy you could be” YES EJ PREACH MY MAN

”if you hurt her… I will never forgive you.” The way Ricky looks up in alarm ‼️

Ej is the freaking best at pep talks man all that time with Val really taught him a lot, he’s being tough on Ricky and honest with him but he’s also being caring and gentle and I love that for the two of them, we need more bromances like this!

YES RICKY GO SPEAK YOUR MIND TO GINA PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF HEAVEN AND EARTH

YESSS A HUG

”why didn’t we hang out more in high school?” “Well maybe because you were always stealing my girlfriends” HAHAHA

awww ej is giving him his guitar!!! (He’s got good instincts)

ugh mark and spark are literally on the table

part 2 tk!

[sightofsea]

Jumpscare anon! Its a random person asking for advice on a situation without a lot of context and also the situation is tense (hello its me u dont have to answer this I just like how u see people and community and would like some perspective)

Basically fucked love triangle with fucked dynamics because youre all friends like really good friends. Lets say person A is the common denominator that me and person B are into. You (I) love both these people though, and since you (I) dont distinguish between types of love you just kind of love them equally. But you and person A have an amount of chemistry (sexual chemistry btw) that is borderline destructive. Intoxicating. You spent 3 years in a relationship with someone else ignoring it which obviously only made it worse and now you're fresh out of a relationship and everytime you and person A accidently brush arms or whatever its like they are setting you on fire (this is mutual). Problem is person B really likes person A for romance reasons and theyre kinda together kinda not.

The answer is really simple. You know the chemistry is not going away (its been 5 years) and u know eventually youre going to break and even if u dont, its morally sketchy to spend time with someone just so u can sit in the same couch to smell each other or something, so you have to get some distance. But you live together for at least 6 more months. And also. Youve never felt this way with someone and need to know what kissing them would be like. But also. You cant be a dick to your friend B. But also You really really wanna do it.

Should I explode? Would that solve it?

Ok well. I wanna preface this by saying I've never been in a relationship for very long sooooo idk if I'm the person to talk to about this.

the way I see it, there's a few things I wanna discuss/go over here:

Let's talk about A's feelings for a second. The way you write they feel less like a person and more like an idea. You say you've got insane sexual chemistry--what is it that you want out of this? You wanna sleep with them, and that's it? Are they the type of person who sleeps with somebody and doesn't catch feelings? Do you want feelings? I'm all for sleeping with your friends, it's a lot of fun, but you gotta set some ground rules with the other person and consider what their whole deal is. And if it isn't compatible to your wants, then that's another thing to reckon with. Which brings me to my next point:

You say A and B are kinda together, kinda not. That sounds like they are together. And unless they're open/poly, that's going to be an issue here. If they are open/poly, then yeah I think maybe posing the question/sleeping with them is a good idea! Again, sleeping with friends is fun, relieving tension is good. But if they are in a monogamous relationship, or tend towards monogamy, and you feel like you're too turned on by this person to respect that boundary, then it might be good to just talk it out without the expectation of anything happening/grinning bearing and jacking your way through 6 months until you get some distance/find someone else you have chemistry with. They exist in a lot of places! Trust me, I've been in a similar situation to where you are now, and distance does wonders on helping you get over people.

the thing is that even though I've said everything up here, you do seem pretty set on telling them/fucking them. it's pretty obvious where you're leaning, but you feel about it. the thing is, I can't give you absolution over it. the other thing is, I don't actually know you or your friend group all that much. if you think confessing your attraction/fucking it out with this person is going to end up in a net positive, then yeah! go for it! if you're other friend hasn't made their move, then maybe it would be good to instigate something and it'll all work out! that would be amazing. to me, that doesn't sound to be the case, but again: I don't know you.

this is all to say: it looks like you need to talk out/clarify some things with your friends and what their relationship is before you make a move. boring answer, I know, maybe not the one you're looking for. don't explode, just talk it out.

[dynamicduoofstackie]

Seb/Bucky stan here, I'm not into shipping real people, that include evanstan & stackie, cuz I think it can get too awkward & there's always people who don't know boundaries. Also, people are too much into Seb's business as it is, wanking over his gf. But I agree that the connection & closeness shippers want Seb to have with Chris he has it with Anthony. I think one of the reason Evanstan was big was because of Stucky. People projected the ship into the actors.

You have your opinions. I have mine when it comes to shipping real people. But when it comes to double-standards with Evanstan and Stackie fans it's ridiculous because Sebastian talks about and interacts with Mackie more even though all three are close.

As for shipping Stackie... It's not like I'm going to walk up to Sebastian or Anthony irl and go, 'I know you dont know me, but you should totally bone your close friend. Do it for the content and tell me all the juicy details.'

Lol, I wouldn't do it to the people I actually knew irl. But gossip rags make their bread and butter on digging into famous people's lives. I'm just occasionally fascinated by these two fine actors and the characthers they play. Never involved or spoke ill of their love interests or family. Just loved all aspects of their relationship whether platonic or romantic; imaginary or real.

I do love SamBucky and Stackie. But when even the actors themselves admit to acting like their characthers, well damn, that's good content. ��

[bookcub]

Lizzie Bennet Diaries and Fire Island Character Comparisons (1/3)

my mind cant stop comparing fire island and the lizzie bennet diaries so here are some character comparisons starting with the bennet family (minus lizzie and noah, who will get a later post):

disclaimer, i love both these adaptations so i say all of this with love. i couldn't stop thinking about these two stories so i had to write something down.

while i absolutely approve of the merging of jane and charlotte into howie (very logical considering the time restraints), i did miss charlotte and jane from lbd. i like our mc having a wider variety of opinions they need to listen to and consider. however, the friendship chemistry between noah and howie was off the charts. i love how we see noah prioritize howie, while still ignoring his actual needs because it is very loving, but clearly a place noah needs to grow and learn from, setting up a nice arc for both noah learning to listen and howie learning his self worth. lizzie has a similar arc with charlotte in lbd but her relationship with jane is a little more stagnent from what i recall. all three of these relationships are at the core of the stories, an aspect other p and p adaptations often spend less time on. and while we have more time with jane and charlotte than howie, somehow howie feels just as fleshed out as them, a testament to the amazing writing and acting.

lydia and luke. .. heres the thing. luke is at such a disadvantage because lydia has sooooo much more development (she literally had her own set of video diaries!!). and her relationship with lizzie feels much stronger than lukes with noah does (again, movies have so much less time!). i connected to lydias emotions way more than i did with lukes. her motivations always made sense to me and we literally see her heart break on screen. i also found the end of her arc more complete than lukes, seeing far more growth on her end vs luke who doesn't really have the screen time to show how he has grown over the course of the movie. i did like how luke was clearly jealous of noah and led to some of his cattier moments, as well as all his moments within the found family (esp with keegan, they were adorable dramatic nerds). both of them ending up on unconsenting sex tapes felt like a fantastic and terrifying update to the elopement. i really enjoyed watching both those storylines play out in a rewarding manner, even if in fire island there was slightly less resolution on luke's emotional growth, the end confrontation with dex was cathartic to watch.

kitty and keegan. .. . look im a cat person but keegan was an absolute riot and much needed comedic relief. and his makeup???? a work of art, honestly. he made me laugh a lot and his casual intimacy and how he was always searching for fun and physical comfort, which really fleshed out a character who is literally reduced to a cat on other adaptations (i mean, i am all for lbd kitty bennet, i just can't pass up keegan making me laugh constantly)

again, with mary and max, i never liked in lbd how lizzie straight up forgot about mary although i didn't find her particular memorable. max made me laugh, but i really would have liked a little arc for him, i found him quite endearing. both characters were underused in the story (yeah yeah they ensemble shows) and more of each of them in their respective stories would have only improved. i wanted more of max, exploring the fatphobia and racism towards Black men on fire island some more, but again, only so much time in a movie.

erin was a shockingly well balanced combination of mr and mrs bennet. despite their contrasting personalities in p and p as well as lbd, one would imagine that the mixing of two characters would be cheesy, over the top, and simply a joke. however, erins theratrics instead felt like a protective cover, a coping mechanism she used as a front to prevent her from getting hurt. when she lets herself be vulnerable with noah. . .it feels authentic and earned to her character, instead of a heel face turn. while i love the costumes and imitations of lizzies parents, their lacking presence cant compare to margaret chos compelling and hilarious performance.

every place where i prefer lbd over fire island almost always has to do with time, since lbd had so much more than fire island. both were true to the heart of the story (the relationships) and put their own spin on an old and familiar tale.

stay tuned for parts 2 and 3!!!

[sarcasmandships]

honey and glass ~ spencer reid

i am in love with spencer reid but he only has eyes for jennifer jareau

spencer reid x reader angst + hurt/comfort (sorta, it’s all in first person but with no names/no specific descrptions)

song fic inspired by ‘honey and glass’ by peyton cardoza

word count: 4.8k

disclaimer: i do not ship jeid or think they had any chemistry but it’s a good opportunity for angst x

you know those kinds of girls who look like they're made of honey and glass like sticky sweet ash

it’s a summers night in california and i’m on the beach at sunset.

the sand is rough under my toes and a warm, gentle breeze blows a strand of my hair across my face; he lifts his hand to brush it away. tucking it behind my ear he stares down at me and the sun hits his face at a perfect angle, illuminating his hazel eyes like pools of honey. he leans in and i-

“ow!” i yelp, as morgan launches the volleyball at my head, “what was that for?”  

“come and play,” he laughs, waving me over to where he stands with emily and hotch.

i shake my head, “no, i don’t feel like it,” i mumble, massaging my left temple where the ball bounced off my skull.

morgan rolls his eyes and jogs past where i’m sitting to collect the ball, “what’s up with you then?” he teases.

i shrug, “nothing. I’m just tired,” i say feigning an unconvincing yawn, “ask one of them to play.”  

i motion with my head towards spencer and jj, they’re down by the edge of the waves and she throws her head back and laughs at something he says. her sheets of blonde hair ripple through the wind and he looks at her in pure awe and amazement as she giggles at something he said.

“nah, don’t wanna interrupt the kid when he’s trying to make a move,” morgan shrugs, “come play with us, we need an extra person.”

an extra person.

right.

because what else am i but another body to fill the space?

“i don’t want to,” i say, forcing myself to tear my eyes away from jj and spencer as i stand up, “hotch said the jet is leaving first thing tomorrow, i’m gonna head back to the hotel and get some sleep.”

morgan says something, but i don’t register it as i allow myself one last glance at spencer and jj. she is trying to convince him to paddle in the waves with her, he shakes his head but when she takes his hand in hers i can tell he’s melting inside as he follows her into the water.

and i just know that he’d follow her so far out to sea that his head was underwater as long as she kept their hands intertwined.

i turn away from morgan so he doesn’t see the tears burning in my eyes.

and you can't get the taste off your tongue burnt sugar and a little bit of rum

we’re in a dimly lit bar somewhere.

hotch left hours ago, he wanted to take advantage of one of the rare nights he would be there to read jack a bedtime story.

rossi is at a table in the corner, sitting with a woman who has not-so-subtly draped her leg over him.

derek is out of my line of sight and i’m thankful for that.

emily, garcia, and jj are dancing.

i sit at the table with spencer, he’s drunk.

more tipsy than drunk i think, but he so rarely drinks anything that the sight of him swaying along to the music was an anomaly. i can’t ignore the fact that his eyes are firmly fixed on jj as she dances, and i grip my wine glass so tightly i half expect it to shatter in my hand.

he leans across to me and my heart skips a beat as i inhale the alcohol on his breath, “i’m in love with her, y’know,” he slurs.

“i know, spencer,” i smile sadly and down the rest of my wine.

he doesn’t even notice when i grab my coat from behind him and shuffle towards the door.

and she dances in the rain with her clothes on drenched to the bone never knows when she's all gone, she's the life of the party

spencer and i are watching the big bang theory.

neither of us particularly like it, but there aren’t many channels on our hotel room tv and spencer enjoys the physics references at least. i watch his face light up as a character mentions something about quantum theory that i cant understand, and spencer launches into a rant about the universe and the stars.

i don’t have the knowledge to keep up with him or the heart to tell him to stop so i sit and listen, admiring the way his eyes sparkle and his hands gesticulate when no one interrupts him with a deprecating comment.

we sit there like that for the rest of the night, in our respective twin beds with him telling me the secrets of the universe and me wondering how on earth i will ever get over him.

and deep down I know that nobody flinches when she takes off her clothes

“anything you like?” emily asks me through the dressing room curtain.

“i’m not sure…” i mumble in response, biting down on my lip as i stare at myself in the mirror, “i-i don’t think this is my colour.”

the dress looked so beautiful on the hanger, but now that it’s on my body the fabric bunches up in all the wrong places and i can’t recall a time that i’ve looked worse.

the lights are just washing you out, i tell myself.

you’re having a bad hair day, it would look better with your hair down, i tell myself.

you just need some lipstick, i tell myself.

but when jj announces she has found the perfect dress and i stick my head out of the curtain to see her, i am slapped in the face with the realisation that it isn’t the lighting or my lack of makeup it’s just me.

because jj looks beautiful as always, her dress hugs her waist and the skirt fans out around her as emily demands she gives us a spin. she isn’t wearing makeup, her hair is in a ponytail too, the lights don’t wash her out because she is radiant and flawless, and the lights aren’t the problem.

i am.

i cry in my car as i drive home from the mall, and when i get home i tear everything out of my fridge and fling it into the trashcan. i vow to go to the store and stock up on salad and chicken.

i go to the store but i don’t buy salad.

and I wonder what it's like to be one of those girls to sit in the sun and look at the world and never think, "wow, am i enough?" ‘cause life is easy when you know that you're the main character

i’m in hotch’s office as he grills me about a stupid mistake i made in the field. i can hardly focus on his words as i shrink back in the chair, counting all the reasons that i don’t deserve to be in this job.

i’m not as smart or fast or strong as the others. i don’t have an eidetic memory or hacker skills and i can’t even maintain myself as a solid average agent because i keep fucking up.

“i’m not going to write you up,” he says, and my heart soars a little in my chest, “but i need you to understand that if you do something like that again i won’t have any choice, you were lucky no one got hurt today.”

i nod silently and blink back the tears that threaten to spill over.

“go home, get some rest,” he says and i don’t hang around for a second longer, darting out of his office i crash headfirst into a tall frame.

“wow, slow down,” he chuckles, resting a hand on my shoulder to steady me.

“spencer,” i gasp, looking up at his sympathetic smile, “what are you still doing here? we landed hours ago….”

he shrugs, “i waited for you.”

my heart skips a beat.

“you didn’t have to do that.”

he shakes his head, “you’re my best friend, i wanted to. plus i thought you might need someone after being in there with hotch.”

i swallow and offer him a slightly forced smile.

best friend.

“thanks, spence, that means a lot.”

he looks at me quizzically.

“what’s wrong?”

“nothing, just only jj calls me spence…anyways” he holds out his arm for me, “shall we go?”

i have to restrain myself from seizing his arm, and settle for tentatively wrapping my own around it, “thanks spencer…you’re such a good friend.”

he smiles down at me and its almost enough to melt away the icy feeling in my heart as i call him a friend. the coldness in my chest in my chest is a feeling i’ve grown accustomed to but when i’m with him everything is warm and bright again.

he feels like yellow.

and i feel like maybe i am enough.

and I'm sitting here thinking this is not fair

i feel like blue.

i’m alone in my apartment flicking through tv channels, trying to find something that isn’t a medical or crime drama. because after my day at work i can’t look at any more blood or dead bodies, even if its as fake as the pep in my voice when jj calls to ask if i’m okay.

“hotch grilled you pretty bad, huh? you sure you’re okay?”

“yeah, spence – spencer – waited for me and we went to get milkshakes after.”

“aww that’s so nice, you know i think he has a soft spot for you,” she teases.

something acidic bubbles in my throat, but i can’t tell her that i know she’s wrong because he spent half the night telling me how much he loves her. i have to gather the strength to respond without the venom in my heart poisoning my voice.

“oh, i don’t think so,” i laugh, “anyways, i should go – my movie is about to start.”

jj tells me to have a good night before she hangs up, and i switch off the tv. at this time there’s noting but romcoms and i don’t want to sit through hours of pining when its on replay every day at the office.

i watch my own reflection in the blank tv screen as sobs wrack my body.

but her smile makes it hard to be mad it's not her fault that I'm so fucking sad

jj holds me in her arms as i cry into her chest, “it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay,” she coos, rubbing soft circles on my back.

i sniffle against her and i just know that my eyes are puffy and red but i can’t switch off the floods of tears that fall from them.

“do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” she asks.

i shake my head against her because how could i tell her?

how could I tell her that the man i love is in love with her?

and that i want to resent her for it but i can’t because she’s such a good fucking friend that she’s sitting here with me, unknowingly wiping the tears that i can’t stop shedding because i can’t be her.

she gives me one of those heart warming smiles that could bring peace to a dying man, and in that moment i am reminded again of why he loves her. there are worse people to love, i suppose. if spencer is going to cut out his heart and give it to someone it might as well be someone like her.

but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

and i hate myself for the part of me that hates her. she’s done nothing wrong. it’s not her fault that that spencer loves her, and its not her fault that she doesn’t realise.

so I'll sit here and look at these girls in the sun dancing in the rain and just having their fun

i hate alaska.

my teeth chatter as we trudge through the snow filled field, and i pull the cuffs of my coat over my glove cladded hands. i hate the cold. i hate alaska. i hate the serial killer who dragged us all out here. i hate the impending snowstorm that was keeping the jet grounded for another night.

“should we even be out here?” i groan, “i mean if it’s not safe for the plane, then surely its not safe for us.”

“we aren’t 50,000 feet up in the sky though,” morgan says and i roll my eyes at him.

“it’s cold enough to make me feel like we are,” i huff.

spencer nods sympathetically at me, “i don’t like the cold either, not much snow in vegas.”

“i think we should have two behavioural analysis units,” i begin, “one to catch serial killers in cold climates, and the other in hot ones.”

he laughs, “i’d like that, but i think it’d just be us and garcia on the hot team.”

“we’d get by.”

he’s grinning at me, his messy brown curls are squashed down under his bobble hat but a few of them still manage to peak out. he’s wearing a multicoloured striped scarf and mismatched gloves.

a snowflake lands on his eyelash and i reach out to brush it off.

“thanks.”

“anytime.”

morgan launches a snowball at us, and it hits me in the back of the head, “hey! what is it with you and throwing things?” i snap.

morgan roars with laughter.

“not funny derek!”

he resumes his snowball fight with emily and jj and i draw my arms across my chest. i watch as they prance about in the snow, falling to avoid the snowballs launched by the others and laughing when they get hit. the sun is just starting to set, and it’s rays catch jj’s hair at the perfect angle, bouncing off the golden blonde strands as she dances around morgan. her and emily have joined forces to pelt him with snowballs.

i look up at spencer to see him starting at her in awe. his nose and cheeks are flushed from the cold, and the sun reflects against his own face, illuminating his eyes. they’re beautiful. like honey and glass.

“guys! come join us!” jj calls.

i shake my head, “there’s not enough money in the world.”

she pouts at me, “spence, please,” she says sweetly and before i know it he’s by her side and scooping up snow.

i watch from the side-lines.

spencer roars with laughter when emily hits morgan square in the face with a snowball, he wraps an arm around jj as she nearly collapses from laughter, something twinges in my stomach.

but he looks so happy, and that melts my glacier heart slightly.

maybe alaska wasn’t so bad after all.

and maybe one day, i can forget the past and be one of those girls of honey and glass

“nice to meet you, agent,” agent fitz says, holding out his hand, “we’ve heard good things about you up in the new york office.”

“really?” i say, shaking his hand and i can’t fight the smile that creeps across my face.

“really. give me a call if you ever fancy a change of scenery.”

“i’ll keep that in mind, agent fitz,” i give him a nod and a smile as he walks away.

new york was cold in the winter, but it didn’t seem like the worst place in the world.

but I think that it's hard for people to see that I love all these girls, and honestly it doesn't matter what you look like or how much you weigh

i wondered once how i’d ever get over my love for spencer reid, and now as he sits and sobs on my couch i realise that i don’t want to. it hurts me to love him, and something stabs my heart every time i catch him staring at her, but he deserves someone to love him like he loves her.

“i guess i’m just starting to realise that she’ll never love me back, and i don’t know why or what’s wrong with me,” he says and looks up at me, his eyes filled with tears and his face blotchy and red.

“there’s nothing wrong with you,” i say, wrapping an arm around him and wiping his tears, “sometimes the people you love just don’t love you back, but that’s not a reflection of you or your self-worth,” i reiterate to him the mantra i say in my mirror every morning.

he whimpers and my heart breaks for him.

“it doesn’t feel that way, it feels like i’m dying inside every time she talks about him or tells me about their dates, and i try to be a good friend but-”

his voice cracks and another sob escapes his chest and i tighten my grip around him; heartbreak doesn’t seem to get easier with age, because here we are, two fbi agents in our late twenties crying over our crushes like we are in junior high.

because before i know it the tears are flowing down my face faster than his and when he breaks away from our embrace to ask me why i’m crying, i can’t tell him it’s because i am feeling everything he is.

“i just don’t like seeing you like this,” is all i can muster up.

it's just that these girls know they're okay there's a beauty in knowing your place in the world in loving yourself and knowing your worth

“hey!” spencer greets me as he steps into the elevator with me.

“hi,” i mumble back, taking another sip of coffee from my travel cup.

we’ve been called in on a case, but i’ve barely had any sleep and i’m struggling to keep my eyes open.

“you look tired, are you okay?”

you look tired.

so the bags under my eyes were obvious then.

“yeah,” i say, swallowing the lump in my throat, “just a late night, y’know.”

“oh…oh! is that your way of saying your date went well?” he says with a coy grin.

“what?”

oh! something clicks in my brain and i understand what he means.

“no! not like that no…actually it didn’t go well at all, he turned out to be a total misogynistic creep,” i say with a bitter laugh.

“oh, i’m sorry….”

i shrug and take another swig of coffee, “it’s okay, you didn’t know. to be honest i’ll probably end up calling him again anyways.”

spencer stares at me, confused, “why would you do that?”

“well, i don’t exactly have guys falling over themselves for me, do i?”

spencer frowns and i can see his brain working overtime behind his eyes, “so you’re just going to settle for less than you deserve?”

“i don’t have many other options do i?”

he reaches out an arm to place a comforting hand on my shoulder, “don’t worry, you’ll find the right guy for you soon. it’s only a matter of time, you’re worth more than a misogynistic creep,” he squeezes my shoulder and before i know it we’ve already reached our floor and he’s gone.

you’ll meet the right guy for you soon.

what if i already have?

you don't have to be perfect or never get sad that's not what it means to be honey and glass

it’s late and i sit at my desk, sorting through piles of paperwork.

my eyes blur as i enter the gruesome details of our latest case, from fatigue or tears i can’t tell. i think emily and hotch are still hanging around the office somewhere, but the others had gone to dinner as soon as we landed, promising that they would do their paperwork tomorrow.

i knew i would have no appetite sitting across a table from spencer and jj so i had sat silently in the back of the suv as hotch drove us back to the office.

a singular tear rolls down my cheek and splatters on my page, smudging the not-quite-dry-yet ink. i let out a shaky breath and wipe my eyes, i don’t know why i’m crying really.

no one had necessarily done anything wrong. only when we were in the field and the unsub had detonated the bomb, spencer chose to push jj out of the way instead of me. i was lucky that one of the s.w.a.t agents had grabbed my arm in time and pulled me back to safety.

it had been hours and my ears were still ringing from the explosion.

maybe spencer thought he was closer to jj, that he had a better chance of saving her, we are trained to make difficult choices based on survival odds, i told myself.

only spencer hadn’t been closer to jj, and she was surrounded by three s.w.a.t agents whilst i only had one next to me. but no one had really done anything wrong, no one died, no one even broke a bone. and it pains me to admit to myself but had i been in spencer’s position and had to chose between saving him or morgan, i know that would pull spencer out of the way every single time.

i jump as emily creeps up behind me, “hey, you okay?”

i don’t even try and disguise my puffy, red eyes or tear tracks as i look up at her, “no. but i think that’s okay.”

and everyone has their highs and their lows the nights you spend crying, believe me, I know

it’s roslyn’s birthday.

i don’t think anyone else in the team knows because they keep exchanging looks whenever jj snaps at one of them and i can see the annoyance in their eyes.

when jj barks at spencer and snaps her pencil within the space of five minutes i drag her into a storage closet and wrap my arms around her.

“shhh,” i say soothingly, “it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay.”

jj shakes her head, “i don’t think so, i thought this day would get easier with time but it’s just getting worse,” she sniffles.

i stroke her hair, “i know, i know its horrible and you deserve to cry as much as you want to. but you are so strong, and i know you can get through this-”

“i’m not,” jj shakes her head, “i’m not strong or brave or anything that you all think i am, i’m not like you I-”

“like me?” i question.

“you always hold yourself together, whenever there’s a case with a kid i’m falling to pieces but you keep it together. i mean i’m the one crying in a storage closet….”

i stare at her in disbelief, because jj is the strongest woman i know and i don’t understand how she can’t see that.

“i don’t have a sister who killed herself jj,” i say slowly, “you have survived 100% of the bad things that have happened to you because you’re a fighter, that makes you strong.”

she shakes her head and clings to me, “but i’ve lost pieces of myself, i’m not the same person i could’ve been if life had been kinder to me and that makes me sad. my sister is dead and that makes me sad, everyone thinks i’m this strong and perfect person and that makes me feel guilty because i can’t be that person.”

in a turn of events, she is crying into my chest, her hair is greasy, and her mascara runs and i realise that my best friend was never truly on the pedestal i placed her on. and i realise i am part of the problem, treating jj like she is the be all and all of perfection and unattainablity when i should just be treating her like a friend.

spencer loves her and that kills me but it’s not what’s important right now. i’ve spent too long inside my own head, struggling to view her as my best friend or the other woman but now i see that she is someone that needs my help.

i know what it’s like to cry myself to sleep so i don’t want jj to go through something like that alone. so i vow there and then, to push my own feelings aside and be whatever she needs me to be.

i don't want to be these girls for beauty or fame but for the confidence they have in their own damn name

“smile!” garcia says as she appears with a camera.

emily, jj, and morgan turn to face her and pose but i duck out of the frame. garcia pouts and morgan grabs onto my forearm to pull me back into shot. i wish that i had the self-confidence to let him, to fall in next to him and make a silly pose at the camera and not worry if my hair was sitting nicely or if i was breathing in enough.

“come on! i need pictures for my scrapbook and you’ve been dodging me all night!” she whines.

i stare down at my feet, “garcia i’m not photoshoot ready like these guys,” i say, trying to make my voice light and floaty but it just sounds like im choking back tears.

“come on, just one picture,” jj says kindly, waving for me to come and stand next to her.

i shake my head again and wring my hands. the last thing i need is another photograph of jj and i to compare myself to every time i’m feeling extra low and self-destructive.

i try and remember the vow i made, to be there for my friend despite my own feelings. but she isn’t sad anymore, she’s happy and smiling and drinking wine, me squeezing in between her and emily for a stupid photograph isn’t going to make or break her.

it’s just a stupid photograph.

“no thanks,” i choke, “i’m going to get another drink,” i scurry away to the kitchen before anyone can object.

i shut the door quickly behind me and press my back up against it, taking a deep breath. i can’t quite believe i was successful in escaping garcia again.

“are you avoid garcia and her camera too?”

“spencer!” i laugh shrilly, “i didn’t even see you there.”

“yeah, i’ve been hiding in here for a half hour,” he smiles sadly, “i hate having my picture taken, especially next to morgan. he makes me look even lankier if possible.”

i frown, spencer had no reason to feel insecure.

“why don’t we get garcia to take a picture of just us two?” i suggest nervously, “you won’t have any reason to feel insecure next to me….”

he looks at me quizzically, “what do you mean?”

i wring my hands again, “just that you’ll automatically look even better if i’m next to you…cos’ i’m…well y’know,” i say awkwardly motioning to my face and body.

he cocks his head to the side, “are you trying to tell me you think you’re ugly, so i’ll look better by comparison?”

i shrug.

“well, i think you look beautiful.”

so I'll sit here and look at these girls in the sun dancing in the rain and just having their fun

we’re on the plane journey home.

spencer and jj sit next to each other, their arms pressed together as they share the arm rest. spencer is reading a book; his eyes scan down the pages at lightening speed and i know he’ll be finished soon.

i am on the opposite side of the plane, i sit by myself, i like the space.

i keep my eye on them throughout the flight; just as i predicted, it doesn’t take long for spencer to finish his book and he places it down on the table in front of him. jj picks it up and teases him for the long-winded title, i don’t catch what she says, something about astrophysics.

he starts to ramble, and she interrupts him with another teasing remark, he flushes when she gently nudges his chest. i turn my head to stare out of the window, biting my lip.

they aren’t even doing anything, jj is just being friendly. and i still can’t handle it. i lie my head back against the headrest as i gaze out of the window, admiring the new york skyline as it fades into the distance.

a nervous chuckle from spencer snaps me out of my trance, and i look back over to see him and jj giggling secretively as she whispers something into his ear.

 “where are you going?” emily grumbles, she’s half asleep with her legs splayed out across two chairs when i accidently bump her foot.

 “bathroom,” i say quietly with a forced smile as i shuffle past jj and spencer, my heart seizing in my chest as she teases him about how long his hair is getting, brushing her hand through the curls.

i’m already silently sobbing in the bathroom so i miss the pitiful look that emily and morgan exchange.

and I know it doesn't make sense to forget the past but I promise, one day, you'll be honey and glass

“agent fitz?” i say, clutching my phone tight in my hand.

“ahh, i’ve been wondering when i’d be hearing from you.”

i laugh quietly, “yes, well i’ve been thinking about what you said, and i think i could do with that change of scenery now.”

i wrote this in a couple hours and didnt proof read so apologies for an errors :))

part 2

[one-deranged-idiot]

So I recently watched Encanto and now I am going to rate each character

Abuela: her going from all controlling and living through isabela to accepting that mirabel is worthy of affection and taking better care of her family`s needs, amazing arc, i wish i could see more of her reconciling or realizing what she did wrong tho, still 10 / 10

Pepa: her constantly being stressed makes sense, she has to suppress all her negative emotions (or any emotions that might be bothersome to others), also is her yellow outfit chosen by abuela to try and encourage her being positive??? 10 / 10

Felix: my man, my guy, absolute perfection, he has really nice chemistry with his kids and pepa, i hope pepa married him because he could keep her calm through jokes rather than her suppressing everything all the time. 10 / 10

Juileta: [Insert emotional speech on a mothers love healing anything] jk, she`s a awesome mom character, trys to help mirabel, overall pretty cool. i like how she`s the only one of her siblings who has sanity to spare (bruno lost all his and pepa is on her last straw eternally). 10 / 10

Agustin: he`s just rlly funny??? i wish they included one of the deleted scenes where he, felix and mirabel are doing chores and they all just play off eachother in a straight man, kooky and kookier kind of way. 10 / 10

Bruno: R A T M AN. Tbh, i really like him, i can see why everyone literally is obsessed with him. Also, him staying within the house so he can be near the family is just???? too much??? when pepa, juileta, and him reunited, it was amazing. bruno constantly attempting to apologize to his sisters and mother is just too much, 12 / 10

Isabela: I know a lot of people hc her as lesbian, but i just dont see that. for me its more a "she`s literally 21, she barely knows herself, give her some time to learn her own needs before she falls in love" also the black and blue dresses she gets??? i want that, 10 / 10

Luisa: great to see a female character being emotionally strong (and have a bigger body type)! i feel any older siblings can relate to her, or just anyone who feels the need to live up to others needs and ignore their own. 10 / 10

Mirabel: a really nice protagonist, i really like her crafty outfit, she probably made it herself, with all the time she spends in her old room rather than practicing a gift. the hair tho- perfect. 10 / 10

Camilo: camilo! i like him a lot, i really love the angsty hc that he was pulled into the "forever silly and goofy jokester" personality as soon as he got his gift, and is pretty edgy when alone. peak millenial vibes from him, 11 / 10

Dolores: she`s my brothers fav, so i cant say anything bad (its okay i love her as well <3). her always talking in whispers is a good touch as whispering loud enough for others to hear would be quite loud for her. also her squeaking is adorable, 10 / 10

Antonio: h i m. best boi. absolute muffin cake bean baby child man. i love the older version where he`s mute and talks through his animals, but i love all of him. 11 / 10

[some-days-we-get-sundays]

notes/things i loved 2.13

-WILDMOORE. (duh. obvi.) 

-I loveeee that we get to see the cool side of Sophie and I love the contrast of the audience getting to see Sophie be cool and Ryan still “hating” her guts. 

-Sophie randomly saying she is a lesbian and Ryan being like... I thought you were bi (like why was that relevant Ryannnn huhhh?) but at the same time i’ve had friends say they were gay and i’ll be like I thought you were bi so it really wasn’t that noteworthy but I thought it was curious of Ryan to be... curious. Why do you care babe 👀 

-When Ryan walked into the apartment and saw Sophie and Mary chillin and then Mary being like why are you giving me the 3rd degree I can have guests over, I lowww key got Mary/Sophie more than friends vibes. But I honestly think that’s because all the women on this show have amazing chemistry 

-I didn’t ship Mary/Ryan but this episode made me ship it or at least see what the hell yall be talkin bout when you bring up Mary/Ryan cuz I def never saw it before tonight

-ALICE BABY LET ME LOVE YOU. I’m pretty sure me loving Alice is only because I love Rachel but goshhhhh give her all the awards. I love sooo much the way she plays Alice. She’s so likeable sorryyyy not sorry. She kills me guys, like kills me. I couldn’t handle when she got tortured and when she called her dad and he hung up and last ep too when Ryan left her hanging to fend for herself. Which fyi Ryan has every right to treat Alice like shit. But it still hurts me to see because I love Alice, but I digress. I just wanna love Alice. She needs love and I am right here.

-Rachel’s facial expressions and little mannerisms while she plays Alice are DELICIOUS. 

-Rachel and Wallis have amazing chemistry. It is so believable that they are sisters/twins. THANK YOU CASTING GAWDS. 

-Alice protecting Ryan. She is pretending that’s not what she’s doing but she totally is. I think she’s trying to make up for Ryan’s mom getting killed. I think she wants to be friends with Ryan but doesn’t know how. I don’t think Ryan would ever forgive Alice though. But I really like their dynamic. 

-Sophie gets hotter and hotter every episode. I don’t make the rules. I mean COME ON. How hot was that scene “now back up” and then she cocks the gun and hits all the targets with perfect aim. “Any questions?” BXTCH YES CAN YOU FUK ME. 

-I need more girls nights with Soph/Ryan/Mary. I love to see them just hanging with each other. The question about making out with Batwoman was hilarious. Soph’s face was like well I made out with one Batwoman, I wouldn’t mind making out with the other one. 

-I wasn’t happy to hear that Ryan was getting it on with Imani but I guess at least she getting sum. But I need it to be with Sophie k thanks. I’m glad they aren’t showing it on screen though. This leads me to believe that relationship isn’t serious and the door is still open for others. 

-Soph asking Ryan who Imani is and Ryan ignoring the question lol. Soph wants to be part of Ryan’s life so badly. HELP ME. I CANT. And Ryan is just like fuk off Crowphie. 

-I’m curious to see Meagan and Wallis on screen being romantic. From their insta posts they seem to have chemistry but I just am wondering if I’m gonna be shipping them or still shipping Wildmoore. Most likely i’ll be shipping both.

-I was living for the bickering between Ryan and Soph. Mary was over it lmao. I was waiting for her to be like “maybe you two can get a room later but right now we’re trying to keep from being dead.” 

I like Luke getting scenes and a life outside of Ryan/Mary/Soph. He is like the little brother who gets roped into all his sister shenanigans. I liked him having his own little thing. 

The ending reveal of Kate’s face was EVERYTHING! Others have said it but I love that they aren’t dragging shit out. While it would have been fun to see one or two more eps of Soph trying to get Ryan to tell her she’s Batwoman and making side comments it would have got old fast and Ryan’s lying to her was cringe. Glad the cat is out of the bag. So now it can bring a different dynamic of everyone knows but let’s keep it from the crows still. And I also wasn’t looking forward to them dragging out Kate’s reveal either so I’m happy that was fast. They did both things just long enough.

-I like that Ryan now at least knows that Soph knows because now all that Soph does to protect Ryan and keep her secret and Ryan protecting Soph is out in the open. It’s not like oh Batwoman did that, it’s Ryan did that. Someone said it but I def can see Ryan and Soph falling for each other as Ryan and Soph not as Batwoman and Crowphie. 

-More scenes of Wildmoore debriefing at the bar please. That was hella intimate. Can we get jealous Imani please?

[atsumiye]

hey hey!! i’m pretty sure this is my first time interacting w you and we’re moots 😩BUT i’m here to say HAPPY 300 my friend!!!! you deserve all that and much more. i absolutely love your works (um, wrong number hooked me but now i’m here to stay) and i can’t wait to read more from ya!

for your event, if i may, my fav color is periwinkle or baby yellow and one of my fav tropes is enemies to lovers!!

again, happy 300 babes! you deserve it :)

hiiii!! im so glad we finally got to interact though, so hopefully there is many more heheh thank you <333

okay okay okay its def matsukawa issei yeah. actor au!!!!!! pls

you are both actors and you've just been cast in this amazing movie. the director is so well known and you know this will help push your career to the next level. so after accepting the role, you begin to memorize the script and all that. but they failed to inform you that your coworker would be the man who made your life a living hell 3 years ago on a different set. matsukawa. the one actor you wish you could avoid for the entirety of your career and maybe also forever.

he had caused so much drama and so many issues last time that it was hard to believe anyone would want to work with him,,,,then again he did publicly blame you for all the issues that arose during filming. giving you the title of bossiest actress and leaving you struggling to find someone to hire you for 3 years.

but you cant give up this opportunity so you suck it up and choose to just do your job on set and ignore him off set.

once you both meet again, he seems different....and he promises he has matured and changed his behavior from the last time you two worked together. and when things start to take a turn for the worse you are worried he might put the blame on you again and ruin your career, yet again. but this time he takes the blame. hmmm.

the last movie you worked on together did well (besides the slander to your name bc of a certain co worker) and for a reason too. your on screen chemistry was AMAZING. it was almost hard to believe that you two weren't really together. everyone noticed that, the fans, directors, other actors.

so it was super weird when that on screen chemistry started to bleed into off screen interactions as well. and you start to realize maybe he has changed. and maybe you kinda like him. and maybe he kinda likes you too.

things start to work out better between you two during filming and even during promotional interviews when the incident from the last movie was brought up. bc matsukawa decided to explain how it was actually his fault and you had nothing to do with it. he really did mature into a better person.

after a few scheduled interviews and working to clear your name, he confesses <333 he explains how sorry he feels and how he truly likes you and hopes he can prove it to you soon.

and you accept his confession two days later during your red carpet premier when you slide your hand into his during photos.

[ccowchop]

I cant tell you how hard it is growing up with watching Aleks and James and seeing how much they did for each other for all of that to just stop. I understand some youtubers are coworkers, and they were, but they seemed to be genuine friends. It’s weird longing for two people who are youtubers but lmao I miss seeing their friendship and dynamic with each other

same holy shit omg okay every ask i get is going to definitely get a 100 mile long ramble from me. are you prepared.

let me tell you this: there will never, ever, ever be a friendship quite like james and aleks’ on youtube. never.

of course there are so many people who are besties on their channels, but you never really watch them grow with each other. it’s rather their chemistry is off-screen, like they grew up together (rhett & link style) or they met through a collaborative event with many others (kinda lunch club esque), or even you don’t know how they met exactly, they just kinda happened to pop up (dan & arin)

with james and aleks you can literally watch their development since 2012. you can watch how they became acquaintanced through mutual friends, collab partners, co-workers, friends, good friends, a duo, to (this is just my take) platonic soulmates.

legit the fact that they decided to run away and create a whole ass youtube channel featuring their chemistry, because they knew their chemistry was good and they worked so well together, is something fucking else.

james said all those years ago that every night he thinks about if he stayed neck-to-neck with felix, he would’ve never met aleks. and just assuming a reason why he’d say that, i’m thinking that he and aleks really changed each other’s lives. it was such a specific thing to say and the fact he thought about it so frequently fucked me up back then.

aleks could’ve strung cow chop along ‘til the bitter end. he could’ve pulled a game grumps and just declare another person his next co-partner, like brett or jakob, really anyone. he didn’t though. he knew cow chop was the idea of james and aleks’ chemistry, their banter, their ideas and creative efforts, and cow chop wasn’t cow chop without his other 50%.

i’m not trying to ignore the other members. they’re all amazing, james and aleks chose wonderful people to help with cow chop.

but to me, cow chop will always be that “what if” idea that came from aleks and james— what if there was an ‘us’. 

you’re right, some youtubers are co-workers. but to me, if aleks and james were Just coworkers, they would’ve separated a long time ago when they left the creatures individually. they still put their heart and soul into cow chop when it wasn’t even making money and james pulled all the funds out of his own pocket.

there was something more here.

there will never be another james & aleks. if there is, they’ve still got years to go to get to their level of synergy.

[smediumsmeatbae]

Try Me (Requested)

PAIRING: Chris Evans x Reader SUMMARY: You have a rule about not dating coworkers. Chris aims to change your mind.  WORDS: ~1895 WARNINGS: Brief smut, mentions of a shitty relationship/relationship going sour, drinking, reader doing stupid shit, swearing  A/N: This was requested by a person that shall remain anonymous at their request. This was a fun one to do and I hope they enjoy it!  “Hi! Can you do one where reader worked on mcu too and Chris wanted her for a very long time but she was not having it and then a party happens and finally gets her.” I hadn’t done a POV from Chris yet so the format was a little weird to get used to at first but I wanted to challenge myself a bit.  This was loosely edited so I apologize for any mistakes.  You do not have my permission to post this outside of Tumblr.  Likes are amazing. Comments and reblogs are even better.  Tags will be in a reblog since Tumblr’s being really weird about it. 

--------****--------

Chris couldn't believe that you were there, in his arms. Your soft lips against his own. He felt like his chest was going to explode. He thought how lucky he was to be there, how happenstance and chance led you two together. 

***

He met you on the set of the first Avengers movie. You had been cast as the new assistant to Tony Stark and quickly became a fan favorite. While Chris and you didn't have a ton of scenes together, it was enough for him to feel the chemistry between the two of you. You were vibrant and funny, always making jokes with everyone on set, making the time in between shooting go by. Beautiful and soft, he found himself longing to place his mouth on your shoulders and neck, feel the swell of your breasts. Chris wanted to put his hand on the small of your back, to hold you close to him, to smell your subtle perfume mixed with your citrus shampoo. He had a crush. He hadn’t had one of those in a long time. 

He found himself looking forward to getting onto set when you two worked together, even through six in the morning call times. Chris would bring you coffee and when you went to thank him, he flashed that boyish grin at you. "I was goin’ anyway." When you were out of earshot, Mackie and Seb teased him that you were the only one that he brought coffee for. They would tell him to ask you out already, they knew he wanted to. If they only knew that he had tried a few times already. 

The first time Chris had asked you, it had been after a long day on set and he was tired but he had finally worked up the nerve. He knocked on your trailer with a nervousness and waited for you to open the door. Once you did, you looked like you had been taking a nap- your hair was messy, eyes half opened. You were wearing a large baggy t-shirt that hit your knees. You still looked adorable. When he asked you out, you turned him down as gently as you could. Your beautiful bright eyes held a small sadness in them. “I’m sorry, Chris. I don’t date co-workers.” 

He was disappointed and, he had to admit, a little crushed by the confession. He had to respect your decision, though. He told you before he asked that it would not negatively affect your relationship and he meant it. You had become one of his best friends on set. He loved talking to you, sharing inside jokes with you, loved getting tacos with you late at night after a long work day. He didn’t want to lose that.

The second time Chris asked you out, it happened under the influence of a few beers after work. You two had gone out with Seb, Scarlette, Mackie, and Renner to a dive bar on the outskirts of New York City where you all wouldn’t be bothered. You had gone outside to get some fresh air and Chris had followed you, needing the same thing. Back leaning against the wall, you looked up at Chris and smiled, whiskey flowing in your blood. He leaned his shoulder on the wall close to you and looked down at you, skin glowing from the lamp light, looking every bit like an angel. And he just… said it. “Go out with me.” He murmured in your ear. You didn’t answer, but pulled him by his t-shirt towards you and kissed him. It was sloppy and sweet, the kind of kiss that happens when two people have had a little too much. Fire igniting in his belly, he stood his body over yours, hands at your hips and kissed you good, nipping your bottom lip. Wolf whistles and shrieks of laughter broke the kiss where he spotted Mackie and Scarlett grinning at the both of you. 

The day after, he had received a text from you, apologizing. The kiss was a mistake and you asked him to forgive you. And he did, but after having that kiss, after having you pulled so close to him, he couldn’t just give up on you. He wouldn’t make that mistake again. Chris knew that you felt something for him, that kiss didn’t mean nothing. 

The last time he asked you out, it was more of a question. It was after the wrap party for Infinity War. You were dancing and laughing, having a good time with Scarlett, Elizabeth, and Danai. Chris came up from behind and talked into your ear so that you could hear him over the music. He wanted you to follow him outside. 

“I’m so glad shooting is over!” You laughed as you went outside. There was a nice breeze out and it played with the edges of your dress as you twirled around, seeming to dance to the music in your head. Chris smiled at you, loving you so care free. “Do you like me?” Chris asked, his blue eyes boring into you.  “You know I do, Chris. You’re, like, my best friend.” You giggled at him. “People have been calling you my husband on set.”  “But, do you feel anything else for me?” 

You stopped twirling, looking at Chris, eyes wide. He had never outright asked you before how you felt about him. He was hoping that he could catch you into revealing something. 

“I…”  You trailed.  “I know you said the kiss was a mistake, but I can’t help but keep thinking that you felt something.” Chris walked towards you and took your hand. “So, I have to ask. Do you?” 

You sighed, dipping your head down but you didn’t try to pull away or move your hands. Chris thought maybe he had made it through. He waited for you to speak. 

“I do. I do like you, Chris.” You admitted. “But I still can’t compromise my standards that I’ve set for myself and go out with you.”  “Why not?” Chris let out an almost exasperated breath.  “A few years ago, I went out with one of my coworkers. It was one of my first sets where I had gotten a role that wasn’t background. I was still so new to the industry and so naive… Anyway. We went out for a couple of months, almost got serious. And then we broke up. It wasn’t amicable and got pretty nasty. He made set a living hell for me. It got so bad that I almost quit acting all together.” You paused, shaking your head. “It was then that I decided that I would never date another coworker again. It just complicates things too much.” 

Chris nodded his head. He understood then that it wasn’t about him, but about her experiences. He would never want to put her in a position where she felt uncomfortable  or where anything he did had the potential to ruin something she loved so dearly such as acting. 

“And I’m not saying that you would be like him, I know you wouldn’t. But I could see myself…” You paused at this, trying to find the right words. “Falling for you. You’re so sweet and gorgeous and funny. I just cant…” “It’s okay.” Chris stopped you with a sad smile. “I get it, really.” “Thank you, Chris.” You smiled at him and stepped away, still holding his hand. “Let’s go get shots.”

After that night, he did as you asked and stayed your constant friend. Though he also didn’t stop himself from being interested in other people either. If you wanted to be friends, that was fine, but he had to try to get over you. Maybe he did it slightly out of spite, maybe he wanted to make you a bit jealous. If he was truthful, he was trying to fill in the ache of not being with you with someone else. He also didn’t miss the hurt look on your face when he told you of his weekend plans of dates with different people, though he tried to ignore it. You didn’t get to be mad at him about dating other people.

You were about two and a half months into a five month shoot for Endgame. Chris was walking you back to your trailer after some reshoots between your two characters had taken longer than expected. He asked you if you wanted to go for tacos and before he knew it, you were yelling. Yelling at him. About dating all those women and flaunting it, flaunting it all over, flaunting it in front of you. And he could see the hurt in your eyes, the tears that you were trying not to slip out, whether it was from anger or sadness, he did not know. 

“You can’t have it both ways, sweetheart.” Chris said calmly, wiping a stray tear from your cheek with the pad of his thumb.  “And THAT.” You continued on with your tirade. “I’m yelling at you and you’re just being so calm and sweet and… and…” 

Chris heard you mutter a ‘goddamnit’ under your breath as you pulled his shirt towards you and landed a bruising kiss on his lips. It took him by surprise for only a second, then he was grabbing you by your hips pulling your body into him in turn.  His one hand swept up your waist while the other grabbed your butt. You moaned into Chris’s mouth, grinding your hips into him. You pulled away, eyes lust blown, lips wet with kisses. Grabbing Chris’s hand, you led him up the couple of steps to your trailer and slammed the door shut behind you. You began kissing him again before he was backing you off of him. 

“Wait, wait.” Breathless, he looked into your eyes. “Are you sure you want this? I don’t want another text later that this was a mistake. I’ve just wanted you for so long. I need you to be sure.”  “Yes, I want this.” You whispered and nodded. “I want this so much.” 

***

You had led him to the bedroom and kissed him softly, his chest still beating fast, a heated blush on your cheeks. There was a tangle of clothing and limbs, kisses on exposed skin, moans and whimpers. Every emotion that you two had wanted to convey for so long was flowing out. He said ‘ have me’ in the way that he held your body under him. You said ‘I’m yours’ with the fingers you carded through his hair. You called out his name as you exploded in ecstasy, a flash of brilliant light in your eyes that had squeezed tight. Watching you fall apart under him was the most beautiful thing Chris had ever seen. He buried his face in your neck as he came as well and he thought his soul had left his body. 

As you laid there in the quiet, in the afterglow of your lovemaking, Chris held you in his arms and stroked your hand lazily as it laid motionless on his chest. He vowed to never make you regret this night, to always have you next to him. He was so lucky, lucky you had chosen him and he felt like a king in that moment. He bent down and gently kissed the top of your head as he drifted off to sleep. 

[maariarogers]

flash review for episode 11

the whole thing? was near perfect

i wished?? for some reason?? seyeon could’ve had more dialogues? or could’ve played bigger scenes because i do believe their chemistry as friends were believable and they should’ve used it as their advantage

didn’t really like how they shifted the blame for suho’s dad??? like, oh? his dad didn’t orchestra’ed everything so all the foreshadowing was just a misdirection and his dad was actually “nice”

the thing about suho’s family life that’s always been interesting has been that they didn’t really “villainies” suho’s dad, but they didn’t make him a saint either.

he was just a flawed father, and that’d affected his children in ways that, suho and selena were still bound to him to an extend that, when he was injured, it’d become his children’s responsibilities — never mind that he was an absent parent this whole time, and had majorly lied to them previously — to take care of him

i felt like, as someone from an asian background, that really represented how most of us are bound to our parents because it’s become a societal and normalised expectation that, when our parents are ill or their wellbeing are threatened later on, it’d automatically become our responsibility to care for them, regardless if they were truly good to us as parents or otherwise

but mr. cha eunwoo’s acting? PHEW........ I KNEW HE WAS GONNA DELIVER, Y’ALL, I TOLD YOUUUU

suho won the entire episode, equal only to my king Lim Juyeong 👑

i love that they’ve taken seojun’s “nosy/unabashed” characteristics from webtoon and incorporated it into this episode (i.e. his whole bit with suho helping him): he seems more playful, more open, and he honestly lights up all the scenes

i am now convinced kim chorong is in love with han seojun, yes im taking votes

still didn’t like how they made suho a songwriter, so imma ignore that

SEOJUN KNOWS SUHO HAS A SISTER OK, also not up for discussion thanksies :-)

going into my suhoxjugyeong brainrot for a second but the way jugyeong lunges at her mans, lee suho, so instinctively and naturally when they were protecting her face? amazing. the way she brings him horror comic books? incredible. how she got all doki doki pressed against her man’s chest? chef’s kiss. THE WAY SHE TIPTOES AND GOES TO KISS SUHO THIS TIME? WOW, BRILLIANT, ENCHANTING, AWARD-WINNING

another suhoxjugyeong brainrot: “you come here everyday” “suho doesn’t have his phone, and i’m worried.” they’re only in love, ur honour

park semi can go fuck herself i dont fuck with bullies

i know people were disappointed with how jugyeong acted in the last episode but honestly? jugyeong’s writing has been the most consistent and most endearing because every time she makes a mistake, or lunges into something without considering others (suho, for instance); she almost always rectifies and realises it and corrects it, and she asks for forgiveness, and if u cant tell by now i am a #teamjugyeong only, then now u know

mama!lim giving suho food 😭😭😭

mama!han feeding her baby meal 😭😭

heegyeong is honestly such a good older sister. like,,, she comes thru in the webtoon, and she comes through here. i am, once again, announcing how i am a lim family stan and thats it

seojun checkin if suho’s breathin 😭😭😭😭 this is fine im not crying

anyway overall, a solid 9.2/10 would recommend: everybody was super cute, mr. cha eunwoo sir u are incredible, solid fucking work SIR WE RESPECT YOU, sujin im waiting for u to shine as one of the most complex love rival queen like do u need me to play halsey’s “nightmare” as u walk in? cause i will

[baekhyuq]

“Chemistry!” Baekhyun (m)

Part Two

—Word count: 2k

—Genre: Smut, Angst, Fluff, Thriller(?), Horror

—Playlist: I never told you what I do for a living-MCR///Science Fiction-Arctic Monkeys

—Inspired by: “I never told you what I do for a living by MCR, please read the lyrics for this song it will influence how you read this story.

<< Prev — Next >>

Baekhyun laughs nervously at your joke, “I’m making soap.” He plays it off cooly.

“You make soap? I’ve always wanted to try making soap, there are so many videos on youtube to follow...” You follow him closely as he walks down different aisles to find the product.

“Free samples!” You pull Baekhyun’s jacket and lead him to the lady with steaming cups of hot chocolate. You take two cups handing one to Baekhyun. Baekhyun takes it as a shot letting out a “hckk” sound while you sip on yours.

Baekhyun sighs, “It’s a gift for my mother.” He lies, he hasn’t seen his mother in months. He spots the product and grabs eight bags. Is it enough?

“Woah, thats a lot of soap.” Your eyes widen at how many bags he’s carrying.

“Yeah, I’ve got a lot of soap to make. Aha, see you around.” He leaves you standing at the doors when he checks out and exits the store.

“Good luck!” You call to him, you grin as you turn to go back into the store.

Baekhyun’s bombarded with work now that he’s over his stupid cold. He’s got orders coming in left and right. Now that’s it’s gotten colder outside everyone wants medicine for colds. He couldn’t blame them.

He makes thousands in the past week and it’s all thanks to the medicines. The wolf has been sad, he hasn’t been able to see you for the past week either. Baekhyun’s keeping him cooped in the house, like an actual pet. Baekhyun’s strict with the wolf, not wanting him to cause trouble when he’s busy with work. Baekhyun wanted nothing to do with the wolf’s killings.

You walk into the library, book in hand, you’re finally returning it. You thoroughly enjoyed it from start to end, it made you think back to Baekhyun letting you check it out. The memory makes you blush, covering your face.

You scan the romance aisle curiously, you were never one to read romance personally. It wasn’t your thing, you never were invested in the characters. But one book caught your eye, your finders slide over the spine of the book. It was a bright red book, nothing special but the color called to you. You plucked it, turning to the back to read the synopsis.

“She never felt a sensation like this before. She put her pleasure in the hands of this man. He made her feel this way, with his tongue, fingers, his c-“

“Did you return that book?”

Baekhyun’s voice makes you jump and drop the book from your hands. Your eyes are wide with surprise.

“Woah, jumpy?” His voice startled you by how deep it is. He bends at his waist to pick up the book from the floor. He reads the title and looks back at you with a smirk.

“You’ve moved to the romance genre now? Science fiction not doing it for you?” His teasing voice causes your cheeks to redden.

“I-I was just curious.” You grab the book from his hands putting it back on the shelf. His eyes follow your hand.

“What are you doing in this aisle.” You furrow your brows at him. He cant tease you for being here if he’s here too!

“I saw you and thought i’d ask about the book.” He shrugs, putting his hands in his pants pockets.

You can’t deny how good he looks right now. Your eyes shift to his eyes, it’s just a soft gaze. He looks so relaxed, you could just reach out to pet his head and he would start purring.

“Looks like you got over your cold.” You try to keep the conversation going. Baekhyun can sense your desperation to speak. He finds it amusing.

“Yeah It really sucked.” Baekhyun grins and tilts his head at you. Your eyes glance down at his to see he’s carrying a book of his own.

“And what do you have, hm?” You ask curiously referring to his book.

Baekhyun holds it out to you for you to see the cover. “Electroconvulsive therapy.” He reads for you.

“What’s up with that?”

“I’m just interested in many things nowadays. Got to stay knowledgeable right?” He laughs, leaning on the book shelf. Before you know it Baekhyun has gotten extremely close to you, you can feel his breath on your cheek.

You clear your throat before telling Baekhyun you have to go. But you aren’t able to escape before he grabs your arm to stop you.

“Hey, can I get your number?” He says almost flirtatiously. He can see your eyes widen and he almost backtracks right away. “For book recommendations and stuff, you know?” His cheeks are reddening by the second.

A small smile grows on your lips before you take his phone and add your number to his contacts.

“Be sure to send me the best recommendations.” You say while walking away, waving toward him.

“Sure thing.”Baekhyun nods waving back.

***

It’s been a week and you and Baekhyun have been texting almost nonstop. He would send you a book to read and you would reply enthusiastically that you’re excited to read it.

There was times when you didn’t know how to respond and Baekhyun would naturally keep the conversation going. It felt nice talking to someone other than yourself. It was as if Baekhyun had became your friend. The famous chemist Baekhyun and you bonding over books. Who would’ve thought?

You’re cooking spaghetti when your doorbell rings, you raise an eyebrow at the sound. Who would be here so late? It’s almost 7. You rush to the door, opening it curiously. It reveals a smiley Byun Baekhyun.

“Oh, Baekhyun? Hello!” Your eyes are wide with surprise. What’s he here for?

Baekhyun greets you with a hello in return, and you invite him in. “I have my book with me.” He gestures to his backpack on his back. It looks heavy.

“Oh what for?”

“For our book club, don’t you remember?”

Your eyes go wide again, you completely forgot about you two meeting up to read together. You were the one who even came up with the idea in the first place, how could you forget?

“Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry, I actually did forget.” You wipe your hands on your apron, it makes Baekhyun’s eyes travel down your figure.

“Why are you wearing an apron?” He asks, it’s obvious you were busy before answering the door.

“Oh i’m cooking spaghetti.” Your eyes go to the kitchen, “Want some? It will be done in a few minutes.” You offer.

Baekhyun’s mouth opens for a second but it shuts abruptly. “I’d love some.”

You’re both sat at your dinning table, plates of spaghetti almost finished. The heaters on making a low humming noise to fill the silence. Baekhyun chews slowly, savoring the taste of the meal.

“This is so good, Y/n.” He says your name for the first time and you almost gasp, being taken aback for a few seconds. You thank him when you regain yourself.

“It’s my mothers recipe.” You say, twirling your fork in the spaghetti. “When she passed she left me a book full of her recipes. And that’s basically all I eat.” You laugh lightly to not down the mood.

“Your mothers a saint. This is the best spaghetti I ever had.” Baekhyun compliments.

Once you two are done you do both of your dishes. You both move to the living room and get settled into the couch for a long reading session.

“I’ve never been in a book club.” Baekhyun says randomly.

“Really? Not even in college?” You peer at him over your book. You’re sitting across from each other. You shake your head in response.

Baekhyun’s company fed your heart happiness. His presence was nice to have around from time to time, your guys book club became a every week thing. He would bring his books and you would cook dinner for the two of you. But Baekhyun stopped coming to the book club meetings, for three weeks straight. You tried contacting him and he didn’t respond, you felt as if you did something wrong. Your mind drifted to him during the day when you were at school. It drifted to him while you were working. It drifted to him when you were in the shower or cooking dinner or right before bed. He plagued your thoughts. You couldn’t ignore him just dropping you like that. You would find this man, no matter what.

“His name is Byun Baekhyun, he has one of my books but I cant seem to contact him.” You smile to the librarian. You couldn’t think of any other place that would have Baekhyun’s address.

“Oh dear, i’ll write the address on this paper for you sweetheart.” The lady said sweetly, after scribbling the address down. You thank her before exiting the library reading the address.

“Oh, so you’re that rich?” You think as you recognize the address as one of the wealthiest spots in the town.

You arrive at the address and your amazed by how huge his house is. Byun Baekhyun, you better be here.

You see a black beetle car parked out front. But not in the garage, is it a visitor? Nonetheless you exit your car and stroll up to Baekhyun’s door. You notice a man exiting the black beetle and you raise an eyebrow at him.

“Oh, hello. Are you a friend of Baekhyun as well?” His smile is kind and his eyes are catlike. He’s strikingly handsome.

You nod shaking his hand. “Ah yes, my name is Y/n.”

His eyes widen for a second before he introduces himself as well. “I’m Minseok . Pleased to meet you.”

You turn to knock on the door, waiting for a response but you don’t get one. “He hasn’t texted me in almost a month. And now he can’t even answer the door?” You mutter to yourself, but Minseok hears you.

“He’s ignoring you? That’s unlike Baekhyun.” He frowns, he tries knocking on the door and shouts Baekhyun’s name. When he didn’t answer Minseok tries opening the door. It’s obviously locked, he looks around for a second before picking up a potted plant by the door and retrieving a key under it.

Minseok unlocks the door and you both enter. The house is a bit of a mess, the entrance anyways. You close the door behind you, following Minseok deeper into the house. You can hear a T.V playing, so you’re assuming you’re heading toward the living room. You find Baekhyun on the couch wrapped in a blanket, his cheeks are hallow and his eyes are tired with bags under them. Your heart instantly drops.

“B-Baekhyun!” You call out, rushing toward him. Baekhyun’s eyes widen at the sight of the two of you.

“How’d you get in?” Is all he says. He sounds so tired, your heart strings are being pulled at.

“The key under the plant.” Minseok rolls his eyes, his hand on his hip. “Now why are you in here looking like this?” He gestures to his mess of a living room, and Baekhyun.

“It’s my house.” Baekhyun deadpans.

Minseok scoffs. You can see their dynamic and how they’re friends.

“Baekhyun why did you ignore me for almost a month?” You confront him boldly. You’re never one for confrontation but this is insane.

“Y/n, I was taking a break from work and everything..” Baekhyun’s eyes dart over to Minseok, he then looks at you.

Your brows furrow and pinch together. “But did you have to ignore me as well? With no warning or heads up like ‘Hey i’m going on vacation.’ or something?”

“I-I’m sorry Y/n, It was for a good reason trust me.” He pleads with his eyes, he adjusts himself on his couch and stands up. “I didn’t do this for me.” He holds your hands in his. “I just need you to not question me, it’s for your good.” He whispers.

You’re confused by Baekhyun’s words they make almost no sense. But you’re too worried about how Baekhyun is to dwell on them. Maybe his head is tired and is making things up.

“Baekhyun how are you feeling?” You say taking your hands out of his to feel his forehead. He’s radiating warmth and his foreheads burning your palm.

“Baek you’re so warm, I think you have a fever.” You frown, “You should take some medicine and be in bed.” Pushing him upstairs where you think his room is. Minseok’s trailing behind with his arms cross, amused by the sight before him.

He never sees Baekhyun like this.

[aphony-cree]

I have 2 vent real quick, feel free 2 ignore 😘im just confused cause i keep seeing pissed off antidestiel folks write these monologs about how spn is ""NOT about romance in any way shape or form""... yet for ~some reason~ dont have a problem w Sam nd Eileen? Like huh???(home of fobia perhaps...)

All im saying! Is that i have yet to see the individuals so adamantly opposed to canon destihell who cite "spn is not abt romance" as their reason, provide any explanation as to why they arent similarly opposed to the m/f romantic pairing involving the other main character.

Also, sorry for bringing fandom wank to ur inbox, but i keep seeing that exact argument and i just Do Not Understand.

(....cant believe im clowning for this ship for the first time in years. where am i????? what year is this????)

The same people who use “Supernatural isn’t about romance” had no problem with Charlie having love interests in most of her episodes. They had no problem with Bobby having a flirtation with Jody, or AU Bobby full on dating Mary. They had no problem with the numerous queer couples that have appeared in various episodes, or any of the other romances on the show

The anti’s are against romantic interests for Dean and Sam, just them. They’ve made horrible, hate filled comments about all of Sam’s other love interests. There was even a pre-season 12 anti-Tony Bevel crowd because she shot Sam in the season 11 finale and, because she’s female, people started saying there’d be an enemies to lovers trope (there wasn’t)

When Eileen was first introduced and she and Sam had chemistry I remember thinking “she’s the only potential love interest that Sam could have because the anti’s know if they start a hate campaign toward her they’ll be accused of ablism.” This in no way diminishes the Sam and Eileen pairing, or Shoshannah’s fantastic acting. I absolutely adore them and think they’re amazing together. But I fully believe that the only reason there isn’t more hate for that ship is because Eileen is deaf-representation and running a hate campaign against her character would be like campaigning against that representation

It’s not an anti-queer thing, they’re against anyone they see as “coming between” the brothers. Eileen is the only exception and it would look ablist if they advocated for her being written off the show. But they’ve always felt safe in advocating against Dean and Cas because they weren’t canon

[searchingforbucky]

Fic Rec List (Part 9) :)

Hello! I’ve gotten MANY many requests for Mobster!Bucky, which is one of my favorite AU’s! (I say that about almost every AU, I know, I’m sorry, I cant help it) I just really like AUs obviously. ANYWAYS, on this list are some of my favorite mobster stories in no specific order! Yet again this is long, I hope you lovelies enjoy! If their are any mistakes im sorry!

Run to Me by @sgtjbuccky​

I fell in love with this story immediately. The dynamic Bucky and the reader have is wonderful. She doesn’t take any nonsense, and boy is he just smitten. The way the story represents Bucky is awesome, he is cocky and full of himself, but you see the west side, the insecurities and his heart. Its not one of those fics with a whole lot of angst, its just a genuinely good read. It makes you happy, and the DRABBLES oh god the drabbles that come along with it were so cute. Also, Salina has another spectacular Mobster Bucky story called **Disbarred https://sgtjbuccky.tumblr.com/post/180246739540/disbarred which a very, very good fic as well. Makes me want to get a mobster of my own lol.

Black Serpent Universe by @invisibleanonymousmonsters

LOVE love this series. This is the first mobster AU I think I ever read, and it is literally flawless. The universe is basically on every long oneshot and accompanying drabbles/HCs. The one shot is everything I could’ve asked for in a fic, its long, well thought out, detailed, exciting, heartbreaking, fluffy, and so so realistic. I know what you’re thinking, a mobster story realistic? Okay, so maybe not the mob aspect, but the real reactions and the slow burn, its true to life, they don’t just jump into things, they live through the build up. The emotions are practical and real and I feel like they were people and not characters. Its just, really freaking good.

Petals & Bullets by @revengingbarnes

This one is really unique, and it talks about sex slave so you know that's a trigger warning. anyways it's just really well done. And like I said I've never really read anything like it and I think that's what makes it great. And when you go into reading it you really think that it's going to be dark and hard to read because it's such heavy material, but the way it's written is really good because it gives that white and makes it worth it to read. It really makes you feel a lot of emotions that I couldn't honestly pinpoint because I was angry at the situation but I loved the characters, so all in all it was just a genuinely good read, and it was really really well done. Not many people could take that subject and turn it into a really good story like that.

Stay, Gold by @the-canary

You want some angst with a side of pain? Well heres the fic for you. This one HURT. There is not a happy ending, not even close. But with all of that being said, it was beautiful. As you read, you realize whats happening and you just hurt for them, they deserve better and you want them to have better, but thats not their fate. They are a pair of lovers unfortunately a part of a tragic story, but oh sort they make the most of what time that had. I cried, a lot, but I also loved the characters. They loved each other, so much, and you could feel it in your bones. Fantastic story. 

Tangier & Redux by @softlybarnes

Theres something about this one that I love, something so unique about the reader. She’s… mysterious, ethereal, and kinda sinister but most importantly damn powerful. The way she speaks, and talks, it reminds me of a witch. Its something that you don’t see a lot in stories like these, the reader being anything but ‘innocent’. She doesn’t take any less than she knows she deserves, and he fiercely wants whats best for her. Sometimes they don’t think those are the same thing. But the chemistry they have, its so nice to read. And the scene setting in this, its perfect, you can picture exactly what it would look like. And the personification of Bucky as well, he’s no wannabe mobster, he’s ruthless, and they fit together so well. 

Someday by @221bshrlocked

This one is really good, it's Rough and violent but like that's the whole point he's a mobster he's ruthless Yet it's perfectly balanced with the fluff that's in there because at first you don't really see it but as time goes on you see all of the small nuances to how much he really likes her and how soft he is actually on the inside and it's one of those stories that you can tell was just written naturally like there wasn't a lot of structured to it and I think that's some of the best stories because it's like real life you know it just happens and you go with the flow and there's nothing jarring that pulls you out of reading. The smut scenes are also perfectly balanced between being sexy yet sensual and sweet. Really awesome fic.

Truth Set Free by @propertyofpoeandbucky

It was so hard picking one of Leilanis story to focus on, because they’ve done some absolutely spectacular ones such as “Missin’ My Girl”, “Soft To The Core”, “Burst Of Anger”, “Maybe This Time”, “How Unlikely”, and of course a fan favorite “Good Business”. However, I decided to focus on the first one I read of theirs. Its such a cool piece, the way its set up is super good I the way that its picking up sort of like in the middle of the story but you’re not lost, you gather details as you go that forms the whole picture in your head. I love the whole secretive thing it has in it, it makes it kinda mysterious to read. Then you get to the second part, and besides the drama, its sweet, he knew they were gonna be together from the beginning. And this sweetness isnt even like explicitly said, you can just see the nuances from his actions. Really good fic, and so are all of the others. 

Lil’ Anthony by @tranquil--heart

My favorite part of the mobster Trope is the whole big bad mob boss who would do anything for those he loves. And this is a perfect example of that, because he's so hard and tough and a bad guy, but when he's with her he's soft and he just melts. the violence in this is the perfect mix of descriptive without being gory, it's realistic yet not exaggerated or too much to handle. it represents the truth well because it's not  ignoring the truth to mobsters. The way they use the other characters and it is why I was awesome because you get to see the comparison between who they are in the Fic and who they are in the movies. The sexy scenes are nice too lol, and knife kink alert lol, That must be said. 

World On Fire by @beckzorz

Alright so this one is super awesome, it's not done yet but what is done of it is too amazing to not include. it's like the perfect combination of two AUs: its mob boss Bucky, and 40s Bucky all in one. What else could you want honestly?The story keeps you on your toes, you know he's secretive she's in love with him oh, you don't really know what's happening next until it happens and then you think we'll of course that's the perfect way to take the story. the way she writes to is just so amazing, it feels like you're back in time and the way she uses those sensory details is just spectacular. In the reader has secrets to so it's like as your reading your findings these things out And it's just really interesting there is no boring aspect to it.

The White Wolf by @captain-ariel-barnes

Okay so this is the first like long mobster fix that I read and it was a really good introduction to that universe. The way every aspect of this story comes together is just really amazing the plot, the dynamic between the characters, the details, the emotion it makes you feel, it's just the perfect combination of pain and fluff in it just is a really good read. it was a roller coaster of emotions, but it was worth it there wasn't just any angst to have angst it was all plot driven and necessary. Also the way it circles back to the beginning at the end is just an example of really good writing it was believable and true to mobster universe is but it also really reference to the Cinematic Universe really well because it brought in those little details and twists from the movie. And I really really love the flower aspect of it, I just really like flowers, and the fact that he loved her so much from the beginning and you could just see that throughout the whole story was just beautiful. 

His Favorite Gal by @mycupoffanfiction

Okay so there's probably nothing in the world I love more than tough guy and the waitress trope.  and this is just a really good rendition of that, it was one of those stories that like was so good that you read it all in one go and then you get to the end and you're kind of like well damn now it's over and I don't really know what to do. He loved her so much and it was one of those stories that made you feel really powerful to be a woman because it wasn't ever demeaning and it was really empowering to see her go from being a waitress to the queen of New York like that, I really like how it represented how if you have a healthy relationship then you'll both grow to be better people (besides the whole mob aspect lol) 

A Business Deal by @em-imagines

So this one was super interesting, I really loved seeing as the story went on how they were falling for each other. And honestly just like the beginning of the story that plot twist was absolutely amazing, I really like how it showed how powerful the reader can be. Because a lot of the times and fix complex where he has all the power over her, but I really like seeing them on that sort of equal plane. The dynamic between the two was also really awesome because there wasn't ever any Real damsel-in-distress moment oh, they were both really independent and capable people who came together to form that's really nice relationship. It was just a really good story to read, and there are many like it out there.

Should’ve Listened by @becs-bunker

You know as I've been saying I really like the stories where the reader isn't just completely helpless, and this is another really good example because you know like it says the reader is truly a bad ass. When you think the world that she's in the middle of and how she reacts to it it's really empowering, and the way her and Bucky interact is really nice to see. And it's really interesting to read because you can literally feel the tension between them and when is it going to happen when is it going to happen oh, and I really hope there's another part to it lol. Its really well done, and a nice funread.

Kings by @kaunis-sielu

So this one I'm going to be honest and say I didn't know if I was going to like it because I'm not a huge fan of really helpless readers but the way this was done is just really sweet. because she's not just completely helpless like she's not incapable, she just needs help because this isn't the world she's used to being in. and you know the relationship moves fast but you never get the feeling of like that went so fast, you just really feel the love in their relationship. And you see her grow into the position she got put into as his girlfriend, because you feel her gain her confidence and she becomes a real badass in the end and I love how much he loves her it was a really sweet story.

Also check out some awesome drabbles at @empyreanwritings under #Mob Monday, and at @bucky-plums-barnes under #Mobster!Bucky

Thank you guys for reading until the end, i hope you love these as much as I do!💖💖

[chalamcavoy]

Little Women 2019 thoughts

Noah Bambauch and Greta Gerwig killed it this year with both of their films, they really are a power couple!!

LITTLE WOMEN

I absolutely love this book so I had very high expectations for this adaptation and it did not disappoint one bit!

Saoirse as Jo: She's my favourite version of Jo I have seen on screen. In the book, Jo is such a rich character which has been beautifully displayed in this film. As a writer myself, I relate the most with Jo or is someone I aspire to be like. She stands up for what she truly believes in and shes stubborn, sometimes too stubborn. Saoirse's acting in this film is so raw and so gripping. I'm in awe of Saoirse's Jo March

Emma as Meg: Emma Watson makes Meg likeable and quite honest. What I didnt like however, is that if you dont know, you probably wont realise that she is meant to be the eldest March sister but she doesn't act like it one bit! At least her accent was better in this film.

Florence as Amy: I will praise Florence Pugh for as long as I shall live. Amy is a lovable brat who turns into a beautiful and a wise woman. Apart from Saoirse, Pugh really stands out in the film. Shes a brilliant actress and her chemistry with all the characters is superb (especially with timothee chalamet)

Timothee as Laurie: Laurie Laurence is one of my favourite Male characters and it just so happens that one of my favourite actors plays him . I love everything about Laurie and I cant believe Greta introduced him in slow mo. His love for Jo is obvious from the get-go and you cannot ignore the electricity between Timothee and Saoirse, it's just something else. Jo and Laurie swap items of clothing thought the film and I noticed that Jo wears Laurie's waistcoats. Yes Laurie is a little whiny in the film but who doesn't love a man who pines for love? He stands out like a sore thumb; he is a March sister at heart!

Eliza as Beth: I really wish Eliza gets more credit for playing Beth. She is the quiet one but the most likeable. I had tears in my eyes for half of the film because of Beth.

Laura Dern and Meryl Streep as supporting characters are amazing of course!

I'm a little biased as I love the book but honestly this film is so wholesome and lovely. It makes you smile and cry at the same time. The cast is wonderful and 100% YES Little Women is still relevant and a necessary film. Greta Gerwig manages to make this 19th century classic feel like you're in America in the 19th century, as well as making it modern and relevant. I find it interesting that Greta chose to blend the girls' childhood and their adult lives in the film, starting with Jo in New York and using flashbacks but I'm not mad about it. I am just in awe of this movie.