#i cant form words for shit
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Mmm thinking about genderqueer Sirius experimenting with his style and things alike while he figures it out
He doesn't care what other people think, of course, and it's another big 'fuck you' to his parents if they just so happen to see his new articles of clothing, aside from the entire wardrobe they already don't approve of
He cares what the marauders think, though
But he doesn't have to worry about that too long because they'd definitely hype him up the entire time
He'd definitely be nervous at first even though he knows it realistically wouldn't be that big of a deal with them, but the relief and absolute euphoria when they started vocally supporting him is something else
He'd definitely get bolder, wearing skirts and dresses more often but still keeping to what he'd wear before as well
The others would ask questions to make sure he's comfortable (like new pronouns or preferred descriptive words)
And he'd just be over the moon(y).
I personally feel he wouldn't care too much about the pronouns people use for him but will get giddy if one of them used something other than just "he". And a compliment is a compliment no matter what, regardless if it was traditionally femme or masc. (Though I imagine he gets a shy smile when he's called pretty)
#sirius black#the marauders#genderqueer sirius#parents be damned#walburga would have a fit#bro im tired#naptime me thinks#ignore the fact that its 4 am#its naptime when its naptime#i cant form words for shit
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Ppl: Destigmatize mental illness!!!
Ppl when some1 is selfish: OMG a fucking filthy narcissist
Ppl when anything mildly weird happens: Schizo moment. Absolute sociopathic behavior. You're so delulu LOL. U should be put in a rubber room
Ppl when some1 they personally don't like exists: Let's armchair diagnose them with a personality disorder for no real reason other than I don't like them
#going to become the sociopath stereotype & fucking stab u to death if u ppl dont stop saying shit like this#just like gaslighting u ppl should never have learnt words#amazing thought: not everyone that does something bad or weird is mentally disordered#amazing thought: weird behavior thats harmless to others aside from being cringe doesnt mean some1 should be institutionalized#i have aspd. when ppl use the word sociopath in settings where it doesnt even fucking mean what sociopath means it makes me sick#a sociopath doesnt mean some1 that goes around killing ppl it just means some1 that cant form connections/feel empathy like other ppl can#plenty of sociopaths just go about their day while “mentally normal” ppl kill & torture sociopaths just 4 existing the way we do#I'm tired
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Another year flew by and I'm turning 28 in five days.
So uh yeah Time makes u bolder children get older I'm getting older too and all that other shit Stevie Nicks said that's literally haunted me since childhood, even when I was too young to fully grasp just how fast the years would pass me by while simultaneously always knowing those lyrics would one day resonate heavily with me.
#is there a specific word for that feeling btw? i never knew how to write it out until now but ive felt it with several other things#it feels somewhat related to nostalgia and deja vu except it's with things you always knew would happen/become relatable in time#like you were self-aware enough to know at a young age that it didnt apply to you right now but it literally will someday without a doubt#I'm gonna feel so fucking stupid if theres a common term for this that my shit ass brain just cant remember for the life of me#last thing: it's the feeling of being oddly present and introspective as a young child#and having the hyper-awareness to know that you literally just created a formative memory that'll stick with you for life#Idk if this in particular counts but i remember a very specific instance when I was rly young#I was falling alseep on my childhood home's living room couch#And while laying there I vividly remember thinking 'im gonna take a mental photograph and remember all the things I see in eye view rn'#I still have that exact image saved in my head to this day#thoughts
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i feel like this site leaning heavily into the "pedophilia and incest and rape kinks are good" angle lately can be attributed to the mass expulsion of sex workers and black ppl on here ngl
#like gonna be honest these r the two groups that have far more of an understanding of how these r linked to colonialism and exploitation -#to be able to wholeheartedly oppose them w/out hesitation#like if youre a sex worker you'll likely see farrrrr more clients who are total strangers specifically seeking out children#by virtue of trying to protect said children in whatever way that you can#its easy to form opinions in the abstract if you straight up do not witness these events time and time and time again#and thinking about my ancestry + history of black exploitation especially against black children ...#i dont fully buy into the idea of 'these are exclusively issues of the nuclear family structure'. FAR more nuanced than that#as of the current society we live in.. the very family dynamic is one of inescapable relationships#if you can imagine how hard it can be when two people in a relationship have a lot of overlaps in friends have an awful break up#a relationship within the family would be much harder to reckon with. you cant just pack it up and walk away so easy#most of the ppl on here defending this shit do not even buy into it for themselves. it is entirely for roleplay purposes#they can put it away when theyre done#no disgust isnt always a good moral informant. but i will say i felt appauled reading the words 'incest fans' said in a cutesy way#ppl seem to misunderstand when black bloggers say incest kinks are a white ppl thing#what they mean is white ppl never have to reckon with the TRUE magnitude of power imbalances. it's treated like a fucking game#you never had to stand and feel the weight of knowing your ancestors are lighter than before because of the countless times white slave -#- owners raped them
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Do u think Karkat and Jade share some sense of loneliness? With both of them not really being able to connect with other people for the first 13 years of their lives because of outsides forces (Being a mutant in Alternia and living in an island alone)
yea
i like to imagine they connect like that, just a small detail. its nice and really depressing, they turned out very differently.
though yes jades isolation is a bit more important (plot wise-ish) than karkats, but its still a very interesting parallel
With both of them not really being able to connect with other people for the first 13 years of their lives
i mean for karkat it was probably a nightmare, not being able to connect with anybody physically for years and just having to deal with yourself and just... with self loathing a part of it? yeah probably really lonely. though karkats life pre-sgrub is a bit more vague than jades, its kind of obvious that he didnt have any physical interactions (other than crabdad) due to the fact that he needed to be protected by well, alternias whole.. everything system. i think about karkats life pre-sgrub a lot, actually
and jade? loneliest girl on earth. she didnt really have anybody (except for her grandpa but .. You know. Dead. taxidermized. or after she was a toddler. i say 2 years old) and she was left on prospit wondering and the only time she was with another person was with a sleeping john in the other tower. and all the prospitians. but that was her main physical interactions (were not using bec because .. Dog. woof bark woof bark)
because of outsides forces (Being a mutant in Alternia and living in an island alone)
and thats the saddest part, it really isnt either of their faults for any form of isolation.
anyways sorry if i got anything incorrect or just kind of got things straight up wrong. its 1:20 am (as im currently re-vising) and i am too tired to correct myself
now i know this is more of a fully canon analysis. but i do want to give my opinions on how it would effect them after the game
using the fact in the credits that they do live together (with d*ve. why am i even censoring his name? because its funny) i think they would prefer to be close to each other. for karkat its more of the fact that i think he still would feel a bit sorry (not in the sense that he didnt feel all that sorry during the game when he was harassing jade, but i mean that the feeling still lingers from time to time) and would try to just stay near her to make sure shes alright
and jade would be near karkat because of the fact of their relationship during the game. i feel like after she did forgive him during the game she did get more curious. like the reactions he had with the passwords. probably just wanting to have someone around that was talking to her for so long and was bothering her while she was still alone, just the concept of someone who was bullying you for maybe.. MONTHS (i.e "CG: HI AGAIN, IDIOT.") (emphasis on again) .. YEARS?? (or on her part) is just.. near you. physically. it brings an awkwardness between them. from how they were isolated and bothering each other and now just... together ??? physically?? it probably is so strange to them . strange to me mostly but it is a strange concept in itself
but i digress this part, i just started rambling about it
#rganswer#its 12am i cant really put my mind to things im sorry#though i do think about how karkat made a secret in the meteor (alterniabound)#but then everyone dumped their shit into his room.. haha loser#but.. maybe im reading too into it but it could be seen as a form of coping (i do not want to use that word but it feels the most correct)#to just remind him of his life pre-sgrub#with how he bootlicked alternia? yeah he probably was taking it all in that he was just being reminded of how he just was stuck in his->#->hive to not get killed for being a mutant#i mean the fact it was 'to cope' feels like a bit too much of a read-in. he probably got in there just to calm down for a minute and get->#->back out#but jade? yeah she does not want to be alone i think thats obvious#yes she self entertains herself pre-sburb with well.. everything#she lives in the perfect place to be isolated#in your own little world to yourself#and a isolated island? its just like some classic fairytale#but instead of there being a prince you just kind of stay there#only communicating with some people online you've never seen#the best connections with humans#sad#isnt it??
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This will probably get looks from performative and ultimately harmful non-transfems despite my being transfem but-
Some y'alls only interaction with feminist history and theories, radical feminism regardless of its intersectionality and really any feminism deeper and louder and meaner than blatant choice feminism like the barbie movie and whatever TF taylor swift thinks shes got going on is through your occasional and short interactions with terfs and it shows. You call vagina art terfy and it fucking isnt. Its feminist art. Your brainrot is making you a fucking mra. The fact y'all think talking about the man vs bear situation is about/started/ran by terfs (and encouraged some really questionable other transfems shitting on it despite it clearly just being about women's safety and yes all men, not transphobia.), everything from questioning wether certain groups belong in our community to thinking a word is a slur or having a lesbian icon (I have sources don't test me) or not to not liking a certain band has been called "terf rhetoric". I'm all for us Transmascs talking about how terfs affect us cause they absolutely do and their harm to the transmasc community can not be understated but like.... Y'all are not allowed to call Jack shit terf rhetoric anymore. Like nothing. You don't know what it means, you litterally call transmedicalism and sysmedicalism terf rhetoric. Do you mean exclusionist? Say exclusionist. Terfs are not the end all be all hate group. They have a very specific complex mindset that affects so many people in specific ways. Someone hating Neopronouns is not fucking terf rhetoric. It's nbphobia. Holy fuck. Learn what words mean.
(intersectional trans radfems exist, radical feminism isn't terfs and swerfs and historical radfems would laugh in their faces for their idiocy)
#clover speaks#clover vents#hating bi lesbians is not terf rhetoric vagina art is not terf rhetoric medical sexism is not a terf topic#everytime you call some form or bigotry or some form of deep cut feminism you dont know shit about terf rhetoric#another trans person loses their wings#terfs harm people via certain avenues in specific ways#you've turned it into a fucking meaningless buzzword to decribe everything from opinions you dont like to actual bigotry#its basically gotten the exclusionist radical regressive gatekeep gaslight terreatmemt#words that mean very specific real things but gets so overused it means fuck all now#if your explanation for why something is supposed terf rhetoric is just something something splitting the community#something something exclusionary something something heard one say it once then you dont have the authority to fucking talk about it#I've been in the trenches fighting terfs and learning about their veiws and mindsets to accurately fight and rehabilite them#the hell they've actively put me and many other trans people through can not be understated#one called you a name one sent you a hate anon and sudeenly your the master of knowledge? gtfo#the specifics and deep rooted hate and history of that group is serious and every time you call some fucking#meaningless community discourse about if some inane insult is a slur like stupid or freak and call it terf rhetoric#you give terfs more fog to hide in you obscure the enemy that much more#you make it harder to find real actual terfs and their nazi friends when you call a fucking antikin a terf for being antikin#stop comparing other groups to terfs and heres a quick ajd easy way to identify if something is actually fucking terf rhetoric#dose the topic specifically talk about terfs or terfism or transmysogny/transandrophobia in the context of exclusionary radical feminism?#if the answer is yes then their might KEY WORD MIGHT be terf rhetoric involved.#if the answer is no then its not fucking terf rhetoric plain and fucking simple#find another buzzword milo because transmedicalism by definition cant BE FUCKING TRANS EXCLUSIONARY RADICAL FEMINIST RHETORIC#God this fucking community sometimes is so fucking exhausting#reminding me yet again that its mostly young and mostly people who lose their minds when i bring up terfs and racism#and yes you perisex afab trans person who thinks this isnt about you and the random shit youve false flagged as terfy#this is about you and your misusage of a serious allegation and association to falsely claim some terminally online take is terfy#You just make me hold my head in my hands and sigh really loud and try not to send you to the shadow realm#Not everything an alleged terf believes makes something terfism or terfy#please actually learn what words mean before you use them and make an ass of yourself called some tranfem exclusionist a fucking terf psyop
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poem recitation and spoken word is actually awesome. whaat
#slam poetry ruined this art form i cant even say that i guess i mean the idea of slam poetry in like tv shows and cartoons LOL#anyway yesterday i was just listening to spoken word songs not on purpose they just appeared into my world#shoutout ruth white.. shoudout......tom waits#and shoutout that one recording of boots from like 1905 i just heard this shit are you hearing this shit
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non paralive moots im begging yuo listen to my wife singing
#i was behind the camera nd i never blinked once lookinf at him i will jeffthge killer style burnoff my eyelids so th better i can lookathimw#i need to put My oil in his pores#i woudl fry my food w his face oil i'll let him feed me cockroaches and set me on fire like the one vid of the guy w the cockroach as long#s i get to set him on fire back i hope they project this on time square toe curlinf music tha t makes me gag if i was a vampire and he was#n his period. strawberry jam im in the background of all the shots just watching him itmust be crazy goinf from ibuki imperialism#sitch to kenta character focus all rise for the anthem of every country ever united under one stupid greenfHIS EXTRA VERSE IS PLAYOING OAOO#kenta shimeji that deletes all my shit and only plays his songs#gonna recite thi slike a mantra to myself rock myself back and forth in a corner if i get out of a parakive concert itll look like attempte#murder but i did it all myself in will be the guardian angel to everyone who worked on this everything after gokuluck is opposite of peak#poo. opposite of peak is poodoodoo. imagine having to ppost yer music after peakuluck kenta solved all my problems ever I LOVE WHEN YOU#CAN HEAR KENTAS SNARKY SMILE his little Alrights and okays and buu!If the sneezing when someones talking ab you myth was true#he would be sneezy bc of me HANDSOME HIII HANDSOME how am i gonna talk to non paralive moots what do i even say Hello! How ar e you!#i cant do that anymore im the surprise man from freak month are you sure its alright are you sure UUGUHHHH THE LITTLE wikaioaiugh at beginn#ng i love music thanks for inventing music guys thanks for inventing handsome Lockjaw Parvo Tetnis Botfly kenta tetnis eerm i thought yousa#tetris ☝️‼️‼️‼️ EVERYONE SHUT UP HES SPEAKING. LISTEN LISTENthe world will be like that one scen e in the one movie where they all stop tal#EXTRA VERSE CUTIEBEAR I LOV E YOU YOU SOUND SO PRETTYYY WE FINALLY GOT PRETTY SOUNDING KENTA AWROOO BOW WOW !!!!!! ing when he heads upstai#and just look at him when claudio went how cute how fun how SWEET and also when claudio went i spit in it my saliva is now inside all of th#se peoples bodies thats me when kenta leaves his energy drinks unattended but dw itll add extra fizz Hi ryog A the only way to describe how#i feel about kenta is like claudio gregory shawn mendes you cast a Spell on me Spell on me! STILL ALIVE okau HES SO CUUUTE kenta i will hel#you dispose of every other groups bodies okau man i gotta draw salkenta after this day 1 of scarface I already feel my beast form taking p#HIIIIE KENTA RIDE ON RIDE ON INDEED WAUAUUAA WAUUAUAUUAUA WAUAUAUAUAU kachi toru made lets be like UTV and the archiver babydoll my face is#n fire and SOOOO ARE YOUUUU KENTA COVER OF EVERYTHING FOR APRIL FOOLS CROSSING MY FINGERSS NO POINT IN ACTIN LIKE I DONT LIKE HIM I FOOOOLD#IM YOURS cozmez long forgotten they can be locked in the dome forever for all i care salkenta time im going to sweep kenta off his feet pri#cess style MY PRINCESS YOU DID SO WELL I'LL REWARD YUOUUU youre right youre a musical genius my god my savior my everything you are light y#u are like a fallen angel to me im gonna go kiss him sloppy now and listen to His Own music and draw him GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE IM A GOKULU#K GIRL thank you for reading so far i really love kenta and he straight up changed my life i got rid of my ocd opened tabs so i could#watch the stream and i started drawing after 3 years and got back into music and made friends bc of him genuinely i love this guy so much#and no amount of content creation or words could ever convey it but i'll do s o either way i love this community i love my friends i lvoe m#paralive friends i love kenta. i lov ekneta i love kenta
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i HATE writing poetry
#i dont mind poems in general. no strong opinions.#but WRITING poetry feels like eating glass and then shitting it out in word form i HATE this#its like. too serious but also too like. metaphorical. like this isnt my thing.#i like. cant take writing it seriously bc its not me. everything i write feels like a joke bc it kind of is#anyway.. poetry lowk my least favorite part of english. just let me write an essay bbg..
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I was looking up some stuff about hegemony and Google thought maybe I was curious if hegemony was A Marxist lmao
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#its like they left out a word#like 'a marxist concept'#god and i still have ppl irl who dont understand why i dont trust AI shit for anything!!!#it cant even form a coherent question!!!#t: wench.txt
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thinking about dirgethara post urge nightmare cuddles and being so fucking mad i cant just psionically imprint words onto the page 😡🤬
#what do you mean my ass thinks primarily in fully formed sentences and not visuals or otherwise but i still cant fuckin write this shit#the WORDS are RIGHT!!!! THERE!!!! TRANSCRIBE THEM#but then. i forgor :////
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Nghhh chewing on finweans and realizing how self-sacraficial is so deeply instilled in that family, and that that particular trait is prevalent in each generation.
Finwe knew he couldnt win against Morgoth, but he could try and protect his grandchildren. He fought regardless.
Fingolfin knew he couldnt twin against Morgoth in 1-on-1. He fought regardless.
Finrod knew he would die on his quest for Beren, and still fought the wolf to save his friend. He did.
Celebrimbor knew he could protect others by dying, protecting the knowledge about the rings. He did.
It stands to reason that Elladan, Elrohir or Arwen, would have come upon a similar fate.
#sometimes it just hits me with a sledgehammer like that family (esp the feanorian side) is portrayed as selfish a lot#(instert 'justice for caranthir for tslling Angrod to fucking stick with the people who arent hiding in Menegroth from Morgoth'-agenda)#(insert 'feanor was a selfish prick by abandoning the others in aman and forcing his sons to re-swear the oath upon his death' rant)#but i still think they are actually more opputunistic when you REALLY want to put a word ending with -istic there#feanor saw the opportunity to leave aman. fuck the brother he never liked. feanor only needs the people who'll be loyal to his family anyway#curufin saw the opportunity to get support form those of nagothrongld after he and celegorm had to flee like cowards from the dragons#which. for two people who i think have immense pride in their battle skill and strength must have been a HUGE ego blow#celegorm saw the opportunity to either: fuck over doriath and thingol by keeping luthien as political leverage (i dont think he's have#forced himself on her intimately. so fuck that. idc man. leave that shit away from me. he's an asshole but not a rapist imo anyway)#or: get a silmaril out of this mess SOMEHOW.#maedhros saw the opportunity of a possibly successful assault on angband after the silmaril quest of B+L and immediately began warplanning#and realistically speaking you cant tell me that maedhros didn't see the opportunity to casually drop the fact that it was HIS brothers and#HIMSELF holding basically all the eastern lands of beleriand in safety by closing off the Gap of Maglor while... where have you heard vague#rumours of turgon and ⅓ of the nolofinwean people maybe possibly not having died after suddenly disappearing? yeah. thought so.#just the opportunity to make slight political jibes available to shut anyone up about them being selfish#this is a weird post idk where this is going i stopped thinkig halfway though the second sentence#somehow that tag rant veered from self-sacraficial to opportunistic. didnt have that on my bingo card
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Was really excited today cause I bought a nice treat for myself and was about to post about it with a translated name for the food but my guardian angel stopped me like "don't post I CANT WAUT TO GULP DOWN SOME KNOTS"
#how do you even translates nózinho#little knots feels weird#and just knot is akward#english doesnt have a good diminutivo form of words#it has uwufication but thats not good#i guess cheese knots is best option#doesnt hit the same tho#same shit with melzinho. you cant translate that to lil honey fuck off
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HOLY SHIT?????
HOLY FUCK?????????????????
#I AM GOING FUCKING FERAL H#TH#I CANT EVEN FORM WORDS WHAT THE FUCKIK#THIS IS FUCKING CRAZY DUDE AGRJWGQHGWISVEKWVWOEHDKGWKS#THE SUCKENING OST IS TOO FUCKING GOOD HOW THE HELL DID HE DO THIS SHIT#THIS IS FUVKING WILD IM LOSING MY MINDDD
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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over
Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰
#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually#very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds#like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd#but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga#and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit#and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road#its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control#which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way#like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health#i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to#be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game#is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me#cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused#but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone#like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways#and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed#but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child#shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING#HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY#like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work#apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs#his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be#better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy#and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad#how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel#makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired
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is there anything worse than having to train someone at work when you're the biggest idiot in the world :-|
#i cannot explain shit to save my life hsjsjsjsldh#IT MAKES SENSE IN MY HEAD I JUST CANT FORM WORDS 😭😭😭😭😭
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