#i cant draw but this is always how i imagine it
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thinking about the first few times andreil kiss and it's neil closing his eyes and melting into it because he's found someone he can trust and lean on but andrew always keeps his open past the first few moments because he needs to prove to himself that neil is real and not just a pipedream.
#aftg#neil josten#andrew minyard#andreil#also by reversing their normal positions (neil staring and andrew ignoring him) it emphasizes the like#impossibility of them finding each other#i cant draw but this is always how i imagine it
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smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.
#jrwi show#jrwi fanart#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying#nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess#ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so#i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little.#AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair.#AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair#both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother.#GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home#but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns.#he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again#not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO#i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED#all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis#but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum#and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it#youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales.#YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!!#you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound.#elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now.#this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes#BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply
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FINISHED WATCHING MHA MOVIE 2: HEROES RISING!!! SPOILERS AHEAD IF YOU HAVENT WATCHED IT
OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS WAS SO GOOD YO HOLY FUCK I LOVE IT AAAAAAAAAAAAA
This was truly My Bakudeku Academia. Watching that final battle felt like a religious experience- as if I was watching the birth of Christ. Holy fuck if that really was the original ending, with Deku passing OFA to Kacchan, and the whole "Oh it actually stayed with Deku and Bkg got amnesia" didn't happen, this would have been a dramatically different story moving forward.
Horikoshi really loves Bakugou- like absolutely no question. The story following this kind of ending would be about him continuing OFA's legacy with the guilt of a thousand suns on his shoulders for "taking away" Izuku's dream. Izuku would have continued the hero course as an actual quirkless student. I would love to see aus of this being canon and continuing their story from there.
I'm guessing Nine here was supposed to be AFO, and he would basically be gone too. Katsuma is perfectly set up to be the next protagonist (I can already imagine him using Cell Regeneration as Super Regeneration- he could become invincible while also healing others. Incredibly amazing quirk).
NUMBER ONE COMPLAINT I HAD WAS ADDRESSED. THE REST OF THE CLASS ACTUALLY DO FEEL STRONG AND USEFUL AND EVERYTHING AS SHIT I LOVE IT AAAAAAAA
YES MY GIRL OCHAKO FINALLY HAS HER BIG MOMENT FLOATING SO MUCH DEBRIS!!! I'M SO HAPPY- EVEN JIRO, AOYAMA, SHOJI, TOKOYAMI AND MORE HAD LEGIT GOOD SCENES AND FIGHTS I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY YEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH THEY ARE SOOO COOLLLLL THEY GENUINELY GAVE IT THEIR ALL FUCK YEAHHHHH
(note. THAT WOLF GUY CALLED SHOJI UGLY- A FELLOW HETEROMORPH, CUS HE WAS PROJECTING HIS "MONSTER" ISSUES ON HIM HOW FUCKING DARE YOUUUUU)
THEY ALSO MAKE IT ACTUALLY MAKE MORE SENSE HOW THE WHOLE CLASS IS SEPARATED ON AN ISLAND TOGETHER AS A WHOLE CLASS THIS TIME TOO (and not just half like last movie). They even managed to tie it in to AFO, the LoV, and Hero Society. Like it actually feels more grounded and reasonable why the class would be here alone with supervision.
They even add hints of Touya Todoroki with him having a short battle with Endeavor, Hawks spying in the LoV, the HSPC head cameo, and other little things too. Man I loved this fucking movie I would watch it 10 more times right now.
#THIS WAS SRSLY MY BKDK ACADEMIA#I CANT IMAGINE HOW INSANE HORIKOSHI IS FOR IMAGINING THIS AS AN OG ENDING???#CUS WTF. IZUKU GENUINELY TRUSTS BKG SO MUCH IN WANTING TO BE THE NUMBER 1 HERO HES FINE WITH HIM HAVING OFA. WHAT#BKG WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED AND WOULD DO THE SAME THING HE DID IN THE CANON ENDING NGL IF THIS HAPPENED#HE WOULD N O T LOSE IZUKU BY HIS SIDE BRO#IZUKU WOULD CONTINUE AND GRADUATE AS A LEGIT QUIRKLESS HERO EVEN EARLIER IN THE SERIES- WHAT THE FUCK LSKFJKJSD#OK IM JUST SO FUCKING HAPPY THEY GAVE OCHAKO MORE SHIT TO FLOAT LIKE GODDAMN#SHE WORKS SO WELL WITH TSU AND SERO HELL YEAH!!! IM SURPRSIED NO ONE DRAWS THEM TOGETHER MORE AS FRIENDS!!!#(guess I'm doing that now. tsk.)#I have moved on so much from my younger years bkg hate that seeing him succeed and do shit legit makes me so fucking happy-#thATS MY WINNING FIGHTING FUCKING KINGGGGGG#and Izuku being the absolutely selfless and darling sunshine he is and being so deranged in beating this dudes ass. always beautiful.#ily sm izukuuuu#also. brief TODOIIDA YAYYYYY THEY WERE SO BACK TO BACK IN BEATING THE CHIMERA DUDE LKSFLKSJK#yes kiri and tsu were also there and were Awesome- but u can tell its these two back to back#when iida reminds shoto to prioritize saving civilians with his hand on his shoulder yeAHHH thats their THEME RIGHT THEREEE#they both learned that together from deku and now are always fighting side by side fuck yeAHHHH#ok thats enough. i fucking love these movies. idc if theyre basic big selling fight scene crap and are shallow to most ppl#i care abt these kids and this world and its fucking heroes and villains n jackshit so much#if anyone stops me from enjoying this they can go suck their own dick and crack their neck trying. ha.#evelynpr bnha#bnha#mha#my hero academia#heroes rising#bkdk#bakudeku#izuku midoriya#bakugou katsuki
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The Midoriya Twins from Singularity by WinterMoonlight
I've been wanted to draw fanart for this fic for a while now, especially as an excuse to draw Satoru with his eye scars, and I figured it's one year anniversary (and Satoru's canon birthday lol) was a good occasion for a little sketch. Both Izuku and Satoru benefit from having a brother so much and I weep at how wholesome they are.
(By the way Singularity is a great JJK x MHA fic where several JJK characters get reincarnated in MHA and it's so good and I cannot recommend it enough. We get fun new character dynamics AND it does canon character dynamics so well. Consider this the tip of the iceberg of my propaganda.)
#jjk x mha#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#my hero academia#mha#gojo satoru#midoriya satoru#technically lol#midoriya izuku#singularity by wintermoonlight#fic rec#fic fanart#pencil's art tag#ill admit I was mostly drawing satoru as satoru as a teenager but#i do think it's so cool how he also takes after his new uncle iykyk#while izuku of course is the spitting image of inko#that said I couldn't resist giving satoru a bit of freckles too#he deserves them#as a treat (to me)#also I wasn't sure which direction his eyes got sliced but I always imagined it horizontal so here we are#also to keep rambling about my one-night-drawing art choices the shirt thing was too good to pass up#my favorite izuku tshirt kinda matches satoru's hair so I returned the favor#it was weird to put satoru in green but he's a midoriya now he's gotta live up to the name#anyways cant believe Ive been following this fic for a year now#how time flies
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come... join me... give ur elves antlers... do it
#fantasy high#dimension 20#d20#potatart#adaine abernant#riz gukgak#IM GIVING IN!!!!!!!! i like drawing elven characters with antlers and i will never apologize 4 this#im getting close to that point where im drawing adaine & riz close to how i envision them in my mind#like. properly#adaine in particular i cant see her without glasses bc when i think of adaine irl i imagine the real life Siobhan Thompson#they always look so strange when i draw them 4 the first time. i accidentally made adaine look like elsa my first time drawing her#and i refuse to show it because it was like 5 am when i drew that and iam Embarrassed#i <3 the bad kids. i am working on drawing them more
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i come check ur blog everytime my friends slander shane to my face. its a type of shane palette cleanser. ur the only mf who gets me
Im glad you can feel some sort of sanctuary in my blog bcz shane fans r always going through the fucking trenches in this fandom
#i just went through facebook looking at a page that did not ask for permission posting my art (i gave up) and im reading thru the comments#and most of them r just slandering shane left and right like CAN U GET OUT#i know that old man is stinky!!! now GET OUT OF MY HOUSE 👉🚪#i keep getting shit in reddit too everytime i post shane. this never happens w the other characters 😂#they all complain abt me drawing shane “handsome” like idk how to tell these ppl but can u fuckin imagine if i drew shane more poorly than#everyone else LMFAOOOOOOOOOO#like even if im not a fan of a character i wouldnt draw them intentionally 'ugly' 😭😂 there would always be someone who loved that person#ppl r entitled to their own opinion ofc and we cant stop them for not liking shane but they dont have to rub it in our face either 😭😂#i normally just avoid/ignore ppl who dont like shane (obviously. incredibly normal thing to do.) but shane haters will go to shane fans#and shit right in their front yard and personal spaces lmfaooo 😭😂 good lord#sorry for the yelling in the tags
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hhhhh
#sth#sonic the hedgehog#miles tails prower#tails the fox#messy tails doodle rn is all ur getting from me#im useless for anything else#trying to get more comfortable leaving shit more messy#i dont understand why i cant just do that normally#its how i always get tricked into doing line art#then i dont draw as much as i want#'lemme just clean this up'#<- the line art demons talking#its so hard for me to draw anything but a full body too#cus im already imagining the full pose it looks weird if i stop#hhhhh kneecaping myself#spend all day wanting to draw still dont draw till like 1 am#sogjndjns how the fuck do people think of something to do and just sit down and and DO it#dunkinsart
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Jean Yves Moreau
#aftg#all for the game#the sunshine court#tsc#jean moreau#aftg fanart#tsc fanart#mailob#fig art#my art#idk why tumblr always changes the quality idk how to stop it from happening#i still dont know how i picture jean at all so i cant draw his face i have absolutely 0 headcannons on how him and jeramy look since tsc#to be fair i still am not positive on how i imagine neil ive imagined him dozens of different ways from eyeshape to hair texture etc
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can i ask.how u guys practice ur creativity <3 how u practice ur imagination or like.. how u experiment with ur art, how u come to ideas and how u develop them.<3 pretty please <3
#smthing i have always struggled w.is feeling like i can only draw things that r handed 2 me.#as in.an idea or concept that already exists#chara or conflict that already exists.Scene that alr exists.#and i think it can be soo limiting bc when i have that sort of creative desire but nothing 2 reflect off of it#i feel like im unable to do anything/get anywhere bc im unable to do that mental legwork myself ykwim#like comic artists r SOOO JAW DROP INSPIRING TO MEE bc not only are u envisioning ur own sequences/situations#but u are able to imagine even the most MUNDANE interactions within those scenarios u know#like the transitory panels and the quiet moments and the every day stillness#and i feel like.its not even a poor attempt on my behalf its like.i cant Even attempt it.like my brain is soo empty#and soo static and noiseless that i am like gauhh......#i can practice lines all day long and practice colors and practice anatomy or Whatever bc its something concrete#and its in front of me and i can pry apart the physical technicalities until i understand it better#but my MIND???ABSTRACTION>? THOUGHTS .ough its so hard#and i really want to push past that but i dont know how and its so .. demoralizing to think that ill get there One Day but i feel#one million and two days away.and not making active process towards it.#i know the first step is to build ur visual library and i feel liek. idk i FEEL LIKEEE theres more 2 it that im missing#but also im depressed as hell n my job is killing my creative drive and the seasonal stuff isnt helping#so maybe i just need 2 give it time (true) but i also like.man i dont know. i want 2 do something w my hands#but everything ive been doing so far has felt soo .hard and fruitless and i definitely dont want 2 turn art into such a stressful thing#fruitless as in like.i dont get any personal satisfaction w it.idgaf abt monetization or algorithms or any of tht#but smtimes thats just what happens and i have 2 weather through and know ill be more equipped 4 this some other time#SAWRYYY IM ALWAYS GOING ON AND ONNN im nromal im normal<3 i just rly like art and it sucks balls whn it feels out of reach#sigh cry fart scroll.(:salute:)
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The weekend isn't enough I've literally been passing out on the bus.
#ive had a teacher encourage us to protest cause my school is so big. Like a very small town level of big.#may it be that I dont eat or sleep or drink water or water based things?#Maybe but like.#School is draining my energy to be a person.#Failure after failure ans I cant fix it.#Ugh#I need years of sleep#or just time to myself#Every minute of my day is overtaken with assignments and worrying#I already have enough to deal with.#I cant keep doing this and yet limitations do not bind me.#Sigj#I know I keep sayinf “Ill reach my limit and snap one day” but im a liar#Sadly Im infinately adaptable to any situation no matter the gravity.#I just keep living like the specter I am.#Odd how living feels most like death. I imagine death is quite beautiful.#In another life I would be a poet. To bad my understanding of whatever composition is is nonecistany#Would be fun to dabble in poetry. How many things are you allowed to do?#Cause I write and draw and I want to learn music so I think learning poetry would be excessive.#And I dislike the formats#Haiku are to short.#Sonnets are actual hell on my brain I nearly killed someone trying to write one#Sigh.#If only random musings could get mw somewhere.#i feel so joyless#manic's joyless rants#Please dont tell me how being positive would help me I will straight up kill you#Positive thinking evades me and always has faking a smile and acting happy is not a thing I have energy for.
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trying to keep all my clemviminnie thoughts contained until i get to episode 3 but
its hard
#telltale was CRAZY for this btw!! the drama of it all ALWAYS gets me#violet blaming herself for her gf/minnies death. clem helps her open up again. starts dating clem. finds out minnie is still alive?#saved violet telling clem she has nothing to worry about and she'll fight minnie if she has to to keep clem and her loved ones safe#kidnapped violet getting brain poisoned by minnie into turning against clem after feeling betrayed and abandoned by her#saved vi shooting minnie to save clem!!!!!!!!! but cant leave minnie behind because she already left her once and she cant do it again#vi begging minnie to stop trying to fucking kill them but shes too far gone. the 3 of them fight to the DEATH!!!#now add all that to the parallels and dark mirrors going on between clem and minnie in the A plot like the tension is off the charts#plus the parallels you can draw between clem and vi but those are less “you are my dark mirror” and more “we are the same i understand you”#HOW are the girlies not still talking about this#you know what i partially blame myself i dont talk about it enough either. i forget how many things ive left in my wips folder sometimes#UGH its all so good violets route just ads so much Flavor to the clem/minnie plotline its Delicious i couldnt imagine it Not being there#i neeeeeeeed to draw them fighting and being gay and maybe bloody even#if u cant tell i really want to get back to that wip i posted a few weeks ago but im Trying to Restrain Myself#i love forcing myself to take things slow sometimes really makes the brain shift into overdrive#twdg#violentine#it speaks
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seeing so many ppl getting into one piece for the first time is so exciting and so much fun AHH
#i cant wait til we get a whole wave of ppl suffering thru the marineford saga <3#sol.txt#its legit wild 2 me how many ppl r going in completely blind tho#that one post w the op that didnt know luffys made out of rubber like thats just INSANE to me kdjskfg#i try to imagine what it must be like and its like. trying to imagine not knowing sonic goes fast#for me its like. idk. luffys just always been There#i dont even remember when was the first time i ever watched one piece!!!#i still got some drawings i made back when enies lobby was airing and by then i was already beyond obsessed with it kghskfghd#anyways i really hope everyone has fun with it ahhhh <333
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I’m fairly new to the fandom, but I do have a question if you can answer it! Why do people ship Daigo with Aoki / Masato? I tried looking to see if they’ve interacted before, but couldn’t find anything! Sorry for asking I’m just </3 dumb AND I LOVE YOUR ART OF THEM!!! Nerd looking ahhhhhh
hi ! welcome to the community i hope you're having a lovely time so far and ty for enjoyin my stuff :) no need for apologies it's a very fair question to have :]
i cant speak for everyone (all. ten people into masadai anyway) but Personally To Me i just think the idea of them together is very funny. thats quite literally it im afraid..
#snap chats#//twenty page google doc in the background// ignore that. it's mostly for comedic purposes#might also be my fault idk sorry about that. allegedly. idk ive had like three people tell me they started to ship them cause of me 🧍♂️#@mementoasts is another person who's drawn masadai and whose stuff i love and am inspod by .. i love their disneyland fic sm ...#there was another artist on twitter who posted a neat drawing of them but i cant remember who they were and i didnt bookmark it //screams//#recently there's been ANOTHER masadai artist ive started following on twitter - @wifekiryu. his account's n/s/f/w fyi before you go looking#he has a tumblr too @foxdies. i say cause i realized as much recently vjeaKLGJALKGJ#oh but I GUESS ill get deeper into why. /i/ personally ship masadai or whatever#first off they're opposing factions yet their character alignments Do Not Match their roles. stereotypically anyway#aoki who leads the 'surface' of society and is meant to be an admirable figure and someone 'just' when really. he sucks LMAO#though that's not atypical of politicians but just from a stereotypical This Is A Respectable Individual perspective of his role#daigo on the other hand leads the 'underbelly' of society- yk comprised of dangerous criminals and outcasts and whatnot#yet as we know him daigo's compassionate and considerate of his men- he doesnt treat them like tools like aoki does#if put in a room with the two daigo would be most people's choice of person to hang out with. probably open a trapdoor on aoki tbh#and i think thats really cool and epic i always love that kinda Subverting Expectations thing#theres also the fact they both started off like. edgy/angsty in the franchise and then brush up down the line#masato does a stronger 180. publicly. obviously but its still really funny they both have to get their act together#if you wanna talk about in-text reasons. there really is none LMAO I TELLS YOU masadai is pure crack#but if i wanted to pull a muscle reaching then there's daigo being on aoki's side while everyone else is on arakawa's during the funeral#im lying of course. mitsu was behind him. rgg tryna make me forget mitsu exist .... put him back in y8 ....#and ofc ichi joins that side to even out the seating but moving on another Goofy Reason is arakawa being like#'the chairman and my son are like p much the same age Surely he knows how he thinks :)'#and then i just think daigo being all smarmy about outsmarting aoki is really goofy and im choosing to interpret that as personal#they both also have issues with their dad. s. dad/s/. anyway.#tbh the google doc tag was a joke but i really could sit here and list every dumb reason why i think theyre funny together#like i started going over the tag limit so uhhhh yeah needless to say i have a lot of. dumb reasons 💀💀💀💀#one day ill use the main text for long rambles like this but todays not that day Point Is my imagination is rampant im afraid#so the short and sweet of it is I Think It's Funny. And They'd Be Terrible Together. Which Is Why It's Funny.#and the unfortunate part is anything i find funny i obsess over for a year so. //gestures to the mountain of bullshit thats my masadai tag/
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Tell me about your pokemon OCs please :D?
[took forever to get to this cause I didn't get a notif for it???] I didn't think I'd get this far...
most of the "ocs" are the customizable protags from the newer games BUT...I do have one (1) original with their own little backstory
say hi to auria !! (image made with this picrew)
uh-ohhh arceus fucked up! when sending the legends protag back to hisui, a few others got warped around in time! and auria was no exception!
auria is originally from hisui, but was sent forward in time (a couple years after ethan/lyra would become champion) and now lives in the woods around ecruteak city in johto. she's now found herself with nothing but a book full of pokemon sketches and notes (her pokedex), the clothes on her back, and her first name...
and her team of course!
in order: sage, spark, splash, sprout, sneaks, scout
but who knows how the people of johto would react to seeing such a strange typhlosion...
(more backstory under the cut) [cw for pokemon death and a lil bit of violence]
auria was always very interested in pokemon and loved researching them and studying them before she was ever discovered and brought in by the survey corps (NOT the galaxy team. it's the team rocket equivalent basically). she had run away from home at a very young age in order to join an expedition team cause it was her live-long dream of finding out what these pokemon were all about. at her age, however, pokemon were more feared than anything else, so she was relied on heavily to do most of the research given her bravery around them. she even made pokeballs by herself, though not nearly as stable or useful as they were once she was taught how to make them properly, but it was basically enough to make others trust her to get the job done
auria put ALL of her time and energy into pokemon, up to the point of barely speaking with other humans over the years, only communicating with her team and other wild pokemon. one of the last pokemon she caught for her team was...a shy, terrified teddiursa. auria didn't want to force it to be a part of her team, so she offered it food and let it be afterwards. with this act of kindness, the teddiursa started coming back for more food, and eventually learned to trust auria and stay with her. auria decided to name the little teddiursa "sweetie"
she did everything for her team, though sweetie was basically the runt of the team...it hardly fought due to its fear and anxiety, but that didn't stop auria from loving it as much as the rest of her pokemon. while the others evolved and got stronger...sweetie stayed at a lower level and continued to be small. auria was basically carrying it around like a baby for a majority of their time together, but this wasn't necessarily a bad thing by any means
one day, while auria and her team were sound asleep at their campsite, some researchers from the survey corps had snuck up on them. auria was bonding with these "dangerous beasts" WAY too easily, and it led a lot of the team to not trust her anymore, especially considering her lack of communication once she were given the resources to continue her own catching and research on her own terms. so...they had approached the camp with weapons and some of their own pokemon, and sweetie was the only one awake at the time, and jumped out to protect auria. and in its moment of heroism...it evolved into ursaring, letting out a terrifying roar that scared the researchers and woke up auria, just in time for her to witness her precious sweetie...get killed in front of her very eyes.
the anguish she felt...it sent auria over the edge and she screamed, attacking the researchers with her pokemon. they were begging and attempting to say it was a misunderstanding, or that they were just trying to help save her from the dangers of her team...but she didn't give them a chance. after the survey corps members retreated, auria ran off as well with the rest of her team, leaving herself with only her pokemon for comfort, never to be found by the expedition team again
originally, she had planned on getting revenge. she trained her team until all of them were fully evolved and powerful, she found and caught a very high level garchomp and trained it to attack without mercy...it was going scarily well. but then she suddenly found herself feeling dizzy, light-headed...and she woke up in the middle of some unfamiliar woods. she was not in hisui anymore
now, fearful of the unknown, she survives in the woods with her pokemon, and tries to learn about the modern world without being noticed so she can eventually show herself confidently...or find a way back to hisui so she can finish what she started
whatever comes first...
#i can only do so much with picrews cause i cant draw for the life of me but imagine the survey corps uniform. the blue default one#thats what shes wearing and she hates it lol#this character used to be muuuuch different but then i said. nah imma be cringe who cares!!!!#i guess my thought process when making auria was like. if theres a team galactic equivalent whos to say there isnt a team rocket equivalent#and those guys suck pretty bad so. what if they Always sucked. and were mean. and stupid#but also i love johto and even though i never finished it pokemon gold is my fave...so fuck it! put the hisuian in modern times!#arcues voice oops! oh well! lets see how it goes! (it goes badly)#busy.🐝
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in 2023 i will stop speedrunning art
#i cant keep drawing fast i have to go SLOW i have to take my TIME#u kno back when i was in hs outside of my art my teachers were always like lan ur always rushing this is why u make dumb mistakes#i should take their advice LOL#listen guys i think i improved a lot this yr but when i look at my art i can tell i just skipped out on the small details#can u imagine how powerful id be if i didnt pressure myself into finishing shit in like a day#i could achieve world domination
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#the burdent of not being understood. its annoying and i dont like it. also its my fault#because if u say something serious in a light tone ppl dont kno wtf to do. prob bc they dont kno if ur delusional or not and like dont#wanna upset u. but then its like annoying bc they still walk away worried and im like ok neither of us r happy bc u dont get how serious#thjs is but i cant tell u how serious it is without making u worried. and y should i make u worry if u can't fuckinf do anything abt it?#so its just annoying. which is to say i went to a retirement lunch today and it was as awkward as i imagined#bc it was me and my boss and a couple professors and i dont do well in these group situations anything so i spent a lotta time spaced out#not hearing anyone bc the noise in the room was messy and my brain was peeling away from my body. but whatever i was there. and my boss#drove us both and on the way back she started the. im worried abt u talk. which i feel like she was too hesitant abt it. which like i get#bc its awkward to bring up but like i dont give a fuck so idk i feel like u gotta start those conversations like. this is how watching u#makes me feel. idk whatever. and i was honest but like it was a 5min car ride so i didnt have thr time to be like ok heres the deal. ya#kno? so now im all annoyed bc my brain is fucking unbearable when i feel like i havent made my thoughts clear. and now its like. do i bring#it back up? or just let it go? whats to be gained by talking abt it? all that i have to say is upsetting bc im very aware im being self#destructive. thats the point. i get boried and my brain only lets me do like 2 things so i use those things to make myself insane. bc at#least then i can observe the symptoms of the stress im exherting on myself. and i kno that not good bc idk how to stop and ppl r always#like u gotta relax. what will help u relax? and im like u dont fucking understand. i cant regulate thr amount i like things. if i like#something i like it so much it becomes stressful. and i like drawing but its not relaxing. its a thing i have to do and its stressful bc im#constantly thinking abt making things perfect and never meeting thst mark. my happiest memories arent even happy moments theyre just times#where my brain stopped for a second and i could just breathe for a minute. so like i cant relax. i dont like anything a normal amount so#the solution must be medication. but my brain has decided im not allowed to fix this problem until i move away so like 🙃 and like i was#giving little bits of this in the car but its like lady i kno its a problem. ive known its a problem for years. the self awareness doesnt#help. except that it keeps me from doing anything extremely bad bc for me if i at least kno where it comes from i can b like ah yes. this#is fucking stupid lol. but i dunno how me sharing all this helps bc im sure it only raises the worry. but like its fine. i mean its not but#like ya kno. and i was kinda explaining how upsetting it is for me to have my schedule changed without warning even if its for things other#ppl would see as good and i wasnt thst firm abt it so it was: but i can't just do nothing for u! and i was like ugh fuck it fine whatever.#and like do i bring that back up bc it is like a respect my boundaries thing but like i feel like if i were anyone else it would be good#to drag someone out of their comfort zone but im being dragged into situations i find profoundly isolating bc i cant seem to function in#groups. ugh its just fucking annoying bc i dont want her to feel bad. i appreciate the effort but like ugh its exhausting. whatever. it was#anyway. im just annoyed thst i should have explained things better. also im annoyed thst i constantly forget most things taste bland and#then im annoyed when i hsve to eat bland things. i think my nose doesnt work right bc i csnt smell much either#unrelated
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