#i cant believe an artist i was obsessed with so long ago is back in my life like this

[tiredenigma]

Time to add yet another fucked up little guy to my bucket of fucked up little guys. He's neat. And of course, I had to make a self-indulgent mc insert.

[heavcnslyre]

ricky bowen x reader series! part one

— starstruck au!

series masterlist, part one, part two, part three, part four, part five, part six, part seven, part eight, part nine, part ten

IN WHICH you reunite with your cousin, ashlyn, and the rest of your family in california, and your sister plots to find a way to meet the one and only ricky bowen.

WARNINGS swearing

NOTES you are 17, camilla (your sister) is 19, ashlyn caswell is your cousin and she is 17, your aunt debbie is your moms sister and you’re visiting your moms mom in california. this is very NOT CANON! not all of the mcs know each other and they don’t live in the same city. also my writing isn’t the best but i hope you enjoy anyways! let me know if you wanna be tagged in the next parts :)) also STREAM LIE LIE LIE

(y/n) = your name

text dividers from @writeyourmindaway !!

lowercase intended.

“are you really watching this movie again?” you ask your older sister, camilla. she groans.

“yes! now move, it’s almost ricky’s scene.”

you roll your eyes and move out of her way, keeping your eyes on the screen. the movie was cheesy and you felt like you’ve seen it hundreds of times, since your sister was constantly watching it. she had an obsession with this guy— ricky bowen. he was an actor and a singer and any teenage girl you talk to loves him, but you didn’t really understand the hype. sure, he was attractive and talented but….

“i can’t wait to meet him, i’m sure he’s even nicer in person,” camilla gushed, staring at the screen.

“what do you mean meet him? we live in new york. he lives in california. not really someone you can just run into on the street.”

camilla rolled her eyes, not looking away from the screen. “we’re going to california in a couple weeks, dumbass. and i’m going to meet him, i just know it.”

“we’re going so we can visit grandma in glendale. you can’t just go running off to los angeles by yourself to somehow find him.”

“i’ll... figure it out. i’m nineteen anyways, i can do what i want. and glendale is really close to la, only like a 15 minute drive.”

“yeah, okay. good luck with that.” you watch another minute of the movie before turning away to go into the kitchen. you’re making yourself a snack when your mom comes in.

“hi hun,” she said, setting some groceries down on the counter.

“hi mom. what are these? i thought you went grocery shopping on saturday.”

“i did,” she said, starting to put a few groceries away. “this is stuff for california, i wanted to start shopping early. we also have to go find christmas gifts for your grandma, aunt, uncle, and cousin. easier if we get them here rather than there.”

“oh, aunt debbie is going? last time i texted ashlyn she said they weren’t going to make it out there this year,” ashlyn was your cousin, and she was 17, just like you. you and her had been close your whole life, but when your aunt, uncle and her moved to minnesota a few years ago, you drifted a bit. seeing her for holidays was one of your favorite things, you loved having your whole family together.

“yeah, well, apparently my mom has a new boyfriend and debbie decided she wanted to meet him so they made it work.”

you hum. “also heard that ashlyn’s still talking to the guy she met last summer in california.”

“that was probably also a deciding factor.” you and your mom laughed and you helped her put away the groceries.

ashlyn: plane just landed!! when r u getting here?

you: leaving in about an hour!! see u soon omg

ashlyn: CANT WAIT!!!!

you heart her message and slip your phone into your pocket, excusing yourself to go find some last minute snacks from the shops at the airport. you had been sitting next to camilla and she was blasting ricky’s music in her headphones. she was so obsessed with him it was tiring.

eventually, your flight was called and you boarded the plane. you texted ashlyn that you were boarding and she sent back a party emoji, then proceeded to tell you to hurry up. luckily, the plane ride was only around four hours, and you had a really nice playlist that was the perfect length. your current favorite artist was nini salazar-roberts, who had recently released new music. she also happened to be ricky bowen’s girlfriend, and camilla refused to listen to her for whatever reason. you couldn’t really care less, nini had good music.

‘drivers license’ began to play and you drifted off to sleep. you woke to camilla shaking you harshly.

“c’mon, we’re landed,” she said and you nodded, stretching. she stood up and left her seat, not even waiting for you to catch up. you scoff and grab your things before jogging to catch up to her and your parents who she had rushed to. you were already feeling the change of time zones, leaving new york at one then arriving in california at two after a four hour flight.... super trippy.

as your parents went off to rent a car, you and camilla sat by each other. she went on her phone and was scrolling through ricky’s instagram. you rolled your eyes.

“have a plan on how to meet him yet?” you ask. she sighs.

“sort of. he’s performing tonight. at nini’s birthday party. i just need to find a way into the party.”

“yeah, because a random girl is going to be allowed into a famous persons party.”

camilla scoffs. “you don’t know, they don’t always have great security. i just have to convince mom and dad to let me go.”

“go where?” your dad asked as the two of them return, car keys in hand. camilla’s eyes widened slightly.

“go to the different malls. and beaches. with (y/n) and ashlyn. girl time,” she lied quickly. your mom nodded.

“not a bad idea, spend some time with your family. we’ll think about it. grandma mentioned having a car for you to take.”

“awesome!” camilla squealed. she turned to you and made a ‘i-can’t-believe-they-just-agreed-to-that face’ and you laughed.

“c’mon girls. time to get going, everyone’s waiting for us.”

“(y/n)!” ashlyn squealed, running out of your grandmas house as soon as you closed your car door. you grinned and ran towards her, hugging her tight.

“ashlyn i’ve missed you so much!”

“i’ve missed you! i have so much to tell you!”

you raised your eyebrow at her. “about the boy you’re talking to?”

she blushed and mumbled a maybe before your grandma came out of her house, her boyfriend following close behind. today was the first time anyone was meeting him, and you were pretty excited.

you hugged your grandma tight and she introduced you to her boyfriend, kevin. he greeted you all and although he seemed a bit awkward at first, he seemed like a good guy.

soon enough, you were in the room you were sharing with both camilla and ashlyn. camilla was not excited to hear that the three of you were sharing, but your grandma assured her that the room was more big enough for all of you, and it would be nice for you all to spend time together — get into the christmas spirit. camilla mumbled under her breath that that was bullshit, but your grandma didn’t seem to hear her.

as camilla was out in the kitchen with your family, you and ashlyn sat on your bed as she scrolled through social media.

“ashlyn! tell me about this boy you’re talking to!” you exclaimed suddenly. she laughed at your sudden outburst but put her phone away immediately and turned towards you with a big smile on her face.

“oh my gosh (y/n) he’s the best. we’ve been texting and facetiming everyday this year. i honestly can’t wait to see him later, i feel like i’ve been waiting years to finally see him again.”

you grinned. you don’t think you’d seen ashlyn this happy in a long time. “when are you seeing him tonight? what are you doing? do you know what you’re going to wear?”

“oh, jeez (y/n). one at a time,” she teased. “i’m meeting him at this club. it’s his best friends girlfriends birthday, and he invited me to her party. and i do have a few ideas but i wanted you to help me out.”

“absolutely i’ll help!! am i going to be able to meet him while we’re here?”

“yeah, i don’t see why not. he’s talking about going to vienna to go to the beach, i’m sure it’d be fine if you tagged along.”

“if i tag along and third wheel,” you both laughed. “kidding. i’d love to go!”

“good. because i wasn’t going to let you say no.” she stands up and stretched. “now help me figure out what to wear tonight.”

[kpurereactions]

ca you do a bts or nct version of the got7 (a member yells at you) imagine you did a while ago :) thank you

PT. 1

Your stomach was a never ending pit of nerves. All day circling the web were pictures of H/N smiling as he whispered in some girl you didn't recognized ear. You paced, constantly checking his location as you waited for him to get home. You had a plan, to ask him about the pictured rationally, and not jump to any conclusions until you had a chance to talk to him. It was the right thing to do, and for all you knew it was one of his make up artists and she was fixing something on his face. You knew not to believe the comments on line.  ‘We need to talk.’   

Your heart stopped at his text, and everything you did to try to get yourself to calm down and think rationally. He showed up guns a blazing, throwing his backpack on the ground and kicking off his shoes. Seeing the way he was reacting made your blood boil. He had no right to be the mad one in this situation. 

“What is your deal?” You asked as he completely ignored you to open your fridge. 

“My deal? Why, do you think your special enough to know everything that is going through my head?” He snapped back. 

“Um, no? I guess? But I definitely think Im special enough to get an answer to something as drastic as this?” You said with a sarcastic tone as you slid your phone with the picture on it across the counter at him. 

“God, you really are crazy, aren't you.” He started, his voice raising. “You know, maybe instead of obsessing over me, and trying to keep your relevance through me you should grow up and get a life of your own!”

He watched you with hateful eyes as tears started to well up. He knew the one thing you were the most insecure about was the perception that you were only with him for his fame. 

You turned and walked into your bedroom, locking the door behind you. What ever was going on in the photo didn't matter anymore. He went somewhere you never thought he would go, and the thought that he felt like you were only with him to stay ‘relevant’ broke your heart. 

Taeyong:

He must have left after his blow up because there was no attempt to come after you. You laid in your room crying for hours, and when the tears finally seemed to stop you left your room to a dark apartment. It wasn't hard to notice the things he brought with him were all gone, and he was no where to be found. You sat in your dark apartment not doing anything for a long time, not really sure what to do. Or where you stood with Taeyong. It wasn't until your phone lit up did your eyes leave the window you stared out of. It was him.  You contemplated not answering, but deciding to be the bigger person you answered and put the phone on speaker, but didn't say anything. 

“Y/n?” He said. His voice completely different from before. You didn't answer.  “Im sorry.” He started, you could imagine him hunched over picking at his nails as he spoke. You thought about biting back but chose against it, not wanting to cause anymore damage.  “That picture was a set up, if you will. My make up artist wanted a picture that made it look like we were in a relationship to show he friends but when her friends posted it it became a huge problem. I spent all day being yelled at for something I didn't realize was happening. I shouldn't have taken it out on you. 

You could hear the sadness in his voice, so you had to forgive him, but you made it very clear that you were not okay, and he would spend how ever long it took to make it up to you. 

Kun:

He’d be quick to realize just how out of place he was and would quickly run after you, stopping to door before it could fully lock. He’d just grab you and hug you tightly. He wouldn't say anything, because he wouldn't know what to say, but you could tell by the way he hugged you he wanted to take back everything he said. He’d hold you until you eventually wrapped your arms around him too, and once you did a tear would roll down his cheek.  “I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have taken my bad day out on you.” He said, a sad smile on his lips as he tucked a stray hair or two of yours behind your ear. 

He’d tell you all about his day and how he got ripped for falling into a trap set for him by a stylist. He wouldn't ignore what it was he said either, and make it very clear that he didn't think at all that you were in anyway only with him because he was famous. 

By the time night rolled around the two of you had slumped into the bed and laid there giggling, as he got around to telling you about the good things that happened during his day. 

Taeil:

Speaking to anyone like this was so out of character for him, and it shocked him just as much as it shocked you that he exploded like that. He’d stand there, staring at your door, not sure what to do, and he’d stand there, staring as he listened to your sobs, completely frozen. He’d eventually move to the couch, and sit there with his head in his hands, completely confused as to what it was he was going to do to make this situation better. 

When you finally came out, the sight of youre red face made him break down. You were shocked to see he was still there. You were also confused as to why he didnt try to talk to you in the hours past. He would just look at you with the saddest eyes and and when you sat next to him hed turn his head into your shoulder and whisper ‘im sorry’ as you stroked his hair. 

You wouldnt be able to bring up the photo again. Youd hear from other members about the situation and how the picture looked 100x worse than it actually was. Theyd also tell you that you werent the only one accusing him of something he would never do in a hundred years, and how he came to your place right after Johnny and Jaehyun ripped him for it looking like he was being unfaithful. 

Johnny:

You would hear the front door slam right after you slammed your own door, and you wouldn't hear from him until the next day. You had spent alright feeling sick to your stomach, convinced now that your relationship was over. He had never yelled at you like that, so to be in this situation you feared the worse. The next day you laid on your couch, still softly crying at the thought of loosing him, and the last words he would have said to you. 

You got up only when there was a knock on your door. Lifelessly you walked to it and slowly open it. Only to turn around and walk away when you saw Johnny standing there looking just a rough as you probably did. You turned to walk away but the feeling of him quickly grabbing you from behind and holding you tight made you tense up. 

You honestly didnt know if you could forgive him, but as he held you tightly he spoke into your shoulder a sincere apology. You turned when he was finished to see he had started to cry and when you walked away slightly he let out a soft sob. 

“You cant treat me like that.” You said sternly, tears forming in your own eyes. You watched as he nodded and sighed before wrapping your blanket around him and accepting him as he wrapped you in his arms. The two of you stood like that for a while, and once he was finally ready to talk again he explained everything and how it was just one big misunderstanding. 

Yuta:

He wouldnt take you storming off as an answer. He would be fully aware of his actions and he would act fast to fix it. He’d grab your hand before you could turn to close the door and pull you back out to the kitchen. He’d point at your phone and tell you quickly that this photo was a misunderstanding and the person who took it posted it with malicious intent. As soon as that was out his tone would soften. He would explain where he was coming from. How he had just got out of a five hour meeting where he had to convince people who didnt believe him the truth and then help identify the person who posted the photo. 

When that was done explaining that he acknowledge what he said. But by the time he had gotten to that you were already holding his hand and had already made up your mind to forgive him. Hed sigh, feeling bad now for ruining the evening, but things would get back to normal when you suggested food, and the two of you would be able to unwind on the couch

Doyoung:

Doyoung would be in shock at your reaction, and then what he said would really settle in. Hed sit at your door, knocking and pleading for you to open the door. Hed send apologies your way through the door as he desperately tried to get you to open it. When you finally did, hed just look at you and when the tear you were trying to hold back finally broke hed sigh and wrap you in a hug. Hed tell you he didnt mean what he said. He’d apologize for taking his hard day out on you and ask you if you wanted to hear about the picture. 

The look on his face though had already confirmed that it was all a miss understanding, so when you shook your head he would nod and pull you into a soft, sweet kiss. Hed ask you if you forgave him and you would see the world lift off his shoulders when you nodded. Seeing how hard he fought to get you to understand was more than enough. 

 I was going to do all 23 members but... its alot. So heres part one. 

Kitty

[swingxilly]

20 random facts about yourself that might surprise people

I got tagged by @sapphicmadameumbralis, thanks friend!

Do you make your bed? Uh, I didnt use to but I tend to now. Its fairly new, I think I only started a bit over a year ago, when I moved away for half a year. But nothing fancy. Like. Only folding the blanket a bit usually. Bc I think its annoying if you have to remove all the pillows etc before being able to go to bed and stuff

What's your favourite number? Easy. 5. The story behind it is: I used to read a lot of manga. And usually they put like a character on the cover of the volumes. And very very often, not always but most of the time, on volume 5 was my favourite character. So I decided its my lucky number and it stuck

What's your job? Well its not really a job yet? More of a voluntary year? Its a thing in Germany, you get a bit of money and go to a few seminars and stuff. Mostly its to pass time until getting into university or whatever and getting a bit of experience. I work in a little library in town. Pretty sure it helped with my application business :D

If you could, would you go back to school? Oh, Id love to. Im a very nostalgic person, like... VERY. So. Idk! I miss my friends and how things were between us bc we all have changed and yknow kinda lost a few. I miss a lot and Im not gonna list it all bc I could probably write pages about this. Dont miss the less pleasant parts tho

Can you parallel park? Not yet but I hope I will in the future bc Im currently working on getting my drivers license. :') Lots of anxiety involved in that

A job you had which would surprise people? Im not sure if anything like that exists? At least not for me since I dont have a lot of life experience yet, so I cant think of anything rn. Im just 20 dude and Im scared of shit, so I'm not trying a lot of new stuff

Do you think aliens are real? Yeah. Universe is big, so why not 🤷‍♀️ Sounds reasonable to me

Can you drive a manual car? Im gonna go with yes. Dont have a license yet but as long as Im not in a crazy situation or inside a city, I should be fine. Country roads are fun. And manual cars, well we learn with manual ones here. Automatic isnt as common in Germany as far as I know. My aunts struggling to get a new one bc hers (its automatic) isnt in such a great shape anymore. And its not easy to find automatic cars that arent super expensive I believe? Idk, just what I heard

What's your guilty pleasure? Uh... Idk, everything I do? Does procrastinating count? Bc everything I do always feels like procrastinating all the time

Tattoos? Nope, I have commitment issues

Favourite colour? Yellow, orange and green

Things people do that drive you crazy? A lot. My mom and brother both smh love to not respond when you ask them sth. My brother especially loves to answer sth vague that doesnt answer anything at all. Idk, just one example, Im always annoyed about everything probably

Any phobias? Idk about phobias, just assume Im scared of everything. People, animals, being perceived, mistakes, the future, etc etc

Favourite childhood sport? There was a time when I was watching this volley ball anime and I REALLY loved volley ball. Batminton was also fun

Do you talk to yourself? All the time, constantly

What movie do you adore? Most Ghibli movies... Tangled I also really like and plan on rewatching.. Hmmm, I dont have an absolute favourite tho I think

Do you like doing puzzles? A few months ago I was a little obsessed with it. I had an app on my phone and would do puzzles while listening to some podcasts and it was a lot of fun. I kinda lost interest now tho

Favourite music? Oh boy, a lot of different things. A few soundtracks here and there, some bands here some there, its a mix

Tea or coffee? I hate both, but I drink tea when Im sick sometimes. I hate it tho

The first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up? An author?? I used to write stories and then I wrote together with a friend and now I dont write anymore. Also an artist probably? Aaalso a librarian bc my mom is one. (librarian is awfully close to barbarian and I love this actually? Just noticed it). The latter one Im currently actually going for

Im tagging... @rottentidepod and @hedwigs-art if you want to! Have fun if you do :D

[voracious-pumpkira-starr]

VORE COMMUNITY PSA

False information was spread about me with very little truth. While some is truth, others are either taken from untrustworthy sources or were said by people whom are enemies i made in the past to make me more hated. I dont know if all of you know the post im refering to, i wont link it here but it has been causing me a lot if stress

Now I’m not going to deny some parts of the post because they are factual. But other parts are false. I havent blackmailed people for roleplay, and I dont charge back payments. The charging back of commissioned artwork is only from the artists point of view. And even then its heavily exxagerated. What happened was I spent too much money on porn commissions using a family members credit card on my own paypal, i paid this family member to do this of course bit they didnt know what i was buying. After i spent over $1000 CAD they realized I was spending it on porn and called paypal to charge it back. Paypal charged it back. I tried and tried to get paypal to send the money back but they locked me out of the account and the family member refused to let me send the money to them. Since then I was only able to pay back one artist of many, its not just artists. Paypal took back all payments and I even lost some of my art programs such as Clip studio EX because of this. Ive also lost many mobile apps and more. This caused me a lot of stress and I wasn’t allowed to use a credit card for a long time. Now, You know who. A certain artist who made these claims. Yes I admit I tried to roleplay with them but I will be honest. This is a honest statement from my own mouth. There is many many people in the community who KNOW I’m sumlur and are of age who roleplay with me and I wont name them to keep them same from harassment. Im not innocent but neither are the people like YOU who spread this information. And I will send you this post privately. Yes it is not my place to be in the vore community but because I have it helped with my depression and I learned many things that made me better as a person. I know my mistakes and I understand even when 2021 comes I will be hated in the community or even not let back in at all. But all I’m going to say. Is that yes I was immature and regret a lot of my decisions. But i stopped ban evading and all that long ago. It is now 3 years since this ekas portal drama has started with me, I, because of outdated or false information spread by you and many others have been Doxxed and had my info leaked on 8chan by a user named cloud runner teeny on 12/24/2018. Its been over a year since i was doxxed and I have been struggiling with depression and at multiple times even was suicidal. I nearly killed myself on lean (purple drank). Im not asking for pity because we both know I did aome messed up shit but making a PSA about me and spreading things from your point of view is only half the story. Many people have harassed my social media because of this or even turned me into a laughing stock. So here, if it makes you happy Cham. I’ll make a statement right here right now publically for all to see. If i lose friends for this then whatever it is what it is. It took me a lot of guts and a long time to say this but the stress has gotten to much for me. for the sake of peace I’ll admit to everything Chammy was correct about me ane everything that was false along with some misconceptions about me: so firstly Chammy is right about my age. My birthday is 01/30/2003. I am nearly 17 years old. Chammy is also correct about me asking him for roleplay stuff. However many adults i know who know my age are fine roleplaying with me and I will make this very clear for all of tumblr and the world. Yes I know the underage law and why you think you would be at risk of becoming a sex offender. But hear me out, I’ve actually talked to online lawyers about this and there was never a statement in US Federal law about roleplaying with minors being wrong. The only thing that is bad is if your doing it with malicious intent or send real nudes. As for the age of consent, that is 16 and as far as I know you can legally have sex with anyone within 5 years apart from you as long as its not recorded at that age. So I would assume roleplay would be legal unless its recorded or screenshotted just the same. So yes although it might be risky there is almost a 100% gaurentee your not at risk unless you go bragging about it or the minors parents

Report you. And I don’t have parents, my birth parents abandoned me for a life of crime and my grandparents had custody over me since i was 2 years old. My grandparents know about my vore fetish and although they think its weird they are fine with it to some extent. I can assure you for a fact they won’t report you unless your asking me for literal nudes, which I’d never even give away. Secondly I wanted to bring up the fact I did NOT try to sneak into Cham’s server I was asking if somebody could vouch to let me in so at 18 my friend Andy (WHO KNOWS MY AGE) could vouch for me since he/you closed all invites because of people insulting male predators.

Nextly I want to say this, Chameleonette is not a bad person. They aren’t spreading lies about me on purpose they are only saying what they were told which was spread around by many people who hate me such as aljenserp, AlluringPredation, Reffles, Cloudrunnerteeny, and artists who think i charged back on purpose. Now I also want to bring up the accusations of blackmailing adults who roleplayed with me. This is false, the only adults i ever blackmailed where ones who knew my age and asked for nudes, or were ACTUAL MINORS pretending to be adults which i know for fact.

Now I will admit I exposed some of these friends as minors out of anger and lost friends for this. I regret this so i wont say which ones, But I blackmailed them about exposing their age for some fights in the past.

But I will also admit again I did some stupid shit in the past and I understand the hate I have but its been causing me lots of stress and Harassment on social media. Look cham, if you actually take the time to read this I’m sorry for everything ive done to you and the vore community but I want to say that the adults arent entirely innocent either. I caused these problems by lying about my age, joining ekas, ban evading, manipulating people, and buying art when I shouldnt have. All of it has come back to bite me in the ass. Combined with the stress from real life I couldn’t take things anymore and essentially ruined my life. As of now I dropped out of highschool because the stress was too much and couldn’t work anymore. Now I’m educationless and most likely won’t get a job. For those who are curious in one year and 29 days is when I will be 18. And if any of my friends whom dont know my age read this I want to say I’m sorry for lying. I strongly have issues and am really clingy to people I like so I end up lying to make friends. And i know many people are going to block me for this so in turn I will end up more stressed but its the most mature thing i could think to do. I would love it if nobody blocked me and we just talked like friends and save the vore stuff for when I’m 18, which I do with many of my friends already. As stated before the whole reason i joined ekas in the first place was to join a community i felt like i fit in with after getting depression from losing a friend i really cared about named anatoily

Many times in the past i used anatoily as an excuse for my actions but thats not what im doing. Anatoily if you see this i want to know im sorry for using your name as an excuse for my wrong actions. I originally joined Ekas for that purpose and used that as an excuse, on there i made many friends some of which i have even today. At one point i planned on leaving ekas but then I found somebody who reminded me of anatoily. I had an obsession with them and it led me to well ruin that friendship. Around this time i was exposed underage by Reffles on a minecraft server who had a incorectly dated birth date from a Enjin server about me claiming i was 14 when i was 15 which now i am 16 turning 17 and that link would display 15 turning 16. To explain this I want to say when I made this enjin account I mistyped the age and never bothered fixing it because I rarely used Enjin. I just used it to apply for minecraft admin positions.

I regret many of the things ive done and cant stress this enough that I’m sorry but in all honesty this is the true story of what happened with me and the vore community

In 2017 I joined ekas because my mind didn’t care about the consequences I was upset about anatoily, which isnt an excuse for my actions. I lied about my age and all was fine i was getting away with it. I met the person who reminded me of anatoily in February of 2018 whom helped me grow as an artist. I started working as a artist practicing for when I’m 18. When reffles found me out i was upset and was banned from ekas and the discord Work to Feed. I was upset for many reasons, one even being that i just got the first person ever to commission me and even today was never able to do the art or send it to them making me feel like a thief

So a lot of ban evading and ruined friendships later some problems happened with me and a friend named Aljenserp who like me was a minor. I was watching one of Silent_E’s streams and got banned because Tyrion13 recognized me. I betrayed Aljenserp like an asshole saying he was underage (i dont think he is underage anymore but he was at the time this happened) because he was a staff nobody believed me and i was banned from the stream and lost all trust aljenserp had in me. He became my enemy. Now after this a lot of people started hating me more and more, there was some drama on 8chan about me which i posted on being some idiot as i was younger and didnt know what i was doing.

This caused many people to not even feel any pity for me thinking i was stupid and deserved what i got. This was shortly before the problem happened with paypal. After that i was hated immensely more and many people startee saying some stupid rumors about me

One really dumb one was from the ekas user ExplosiveWaifu who has a Dragon OC named Lydia. Goes by DragonWaifu on discord. In one instance i was talking to Lydia about how one of my friends was a Maoist communist and his beliefs and how i support him because he is my friend. She believed because he had communist beliefs and i supported him that i was a terrorist and ceased all Communication with me for this. Another false rumor about me was spreaded by a friend of Explosivewaifu who i cant name as they are always changing their name. she is a trans woman, me and her used to talk a lot and whenever she got drunk she would well... be really irl lewd with me so i started calling her a pedophille (which is where the blackmail stuff ties in partially though i didnt blackmail her it was somebody else)

Many times this friend while sober would claim that i act to mature and that I couldnt be a minor, thus a rumor spread around that inwas a adult pretending to be a minor to get kicked out of the community for purposfully causing drama to make people think im a believable minor so i could easily prey on minors like a pedophille... honestly this is a really dumb rumor and dunno why it was believed by anybody at all

Next I want to talk about the ID theft accusations. Mettra Tonic gave me a health band from the hospital which in July of 2018 i tried to use as a ID to get me unbanned and it failed, this led to trust issues with Mettra who also spread false information about me which is mostly well known for the accusations of blackmail against her friends who were minors. There was another ID issue with a man named worthylightning and Kobayashi whom I tried to. Let them both help me get unbanned because friendship. It didnt work and i felt bad.

Lastly the only true case of ID theft is the one with reffles. Reffles gave somebody her ID who gave me the ID and I cropped out the age part of her ID and tried to use it. I since regret this action but i wouldnt concider the age part alone to be ID theft.

There was also accusations that I steal artwork which i dont own which is false. All artwork of Pumpkira is owned by me, either drawn by me, won in a raffle, requested, or given to me as a gift.

Moving on later in the year CloudRunnerTeeny doxxed me and made a group on discord called the Sumlur eradication squad where he blackmailed me and threatened to leak my info (which he did on christmas onto 8chan before it was taken down for breaking ToS) me and my friend tried to mislead him do he wouldnt Dox me and dox a fake person but this failed, made things worse infact. After that me and teeny came to a truce to leave eachother alone if i stay away from him and his friends. A promise I Semi-kept to today.

I already explained the whole issue with the art charged back, false rumors, and blackmail.

But I want to say this. Please stop sending information that is outdated or just speculation about me. Hear both sides of the story.

And yes when I turn 18 in 2021 I know I’ll still be hated and I have come to terms and accept that is my punishment for my mistakes. But please stop sending drama my way as I am very tempted to just delete all my social media at this point. Its gotten really stressful and I just cant...

Also Chammy again you aren’t a bad person i dont blame you for my hate as Its deserved. Although some of your claims were wrong or from your point of view, others were true and It is good you made a statement about me. But please tell people not to harass me and just block me. I’m going to make this post Private for a while before making it public. I want you to read this before it goes public on my Tumblr.

Lastly I heard you were feeling sick and hope you get better.

From artist to artist I have been improving my art and stories which like you one thing i hope for when im 18 is to be a successful artist or writer. Im already planning a large scale SFW webcomic as many people know. Though I feel like it is going to have a negative impact because Pumpkira is the protagonist and i gaurentee at least one person from the vore community would expost past me to everyone who reads future me’s work

Anyways thats all.

Update 2020: now 17

Update: 2021 now 18 as of January 30th 2021

[anastasiaskarsgard]

Hydrangea - Chapter 1

The home was large and imposing. Located on the second largest island, in the Stockholm archipelago, it was connected to Stockholm by a bridge, which meant it was in the perfect location to quickly reach the rest of civilization whenever the moment was required -- but was enough out of the way that I didn't have to be bothered by anyone. The quiet location of the home allowed me the peace and privacy recent events, had made so valuable.

Upon stepping inside, I noted the dust that covered every single surface within the home; and on the kitchen table -- sat a magazine from six years ago. It had been a while since anyone used this place. It had been in our family for several generations, and although it was grand and beautiful in the summer, it was a hard place to live in the winter. Just heating it, was a small fortune, especially considering it had no protection or barriers to help shield it from the ferocious frozen winds, that relentlessly lasted the coldest months of an already savage cold.

 My tiny Pomeranian, Max, took a moment to sniff around. He was as fearless as he was adorable, and I could only pray that he managed to stay out of trouble. Max was my loyal little man, and when i was at my lowest, he really helped me keep going. I had given up on myself, but I couldnt let my little Max down. I leaned down and gave him a quick back rub, before he trotted off to sniff around some more. I could only imagine the sensory overload all this was to a little city dog, that now had an entire new world to investigate.

I walked around the house, going from room to room, opening up windows to let in the fresh air. I peeked over at my neighbors house, and was pleased to see people were there.

Back when I was growing up, I would come here every summer, without fail. During that time, I had managed to develop amazing friendships with the children who had lived next door -- Bill and Eija Skarsgard. Bill was the tall and lanky boy who would always have scrapes and bruises, and absolutely zero fear whatsoever. Eija, was just as bold as her older brother. She never failed to be confident in any situation -- even when I was hesitant about something. In fact, if I tried to chicken out, or god forbid, not even try, she always found a way to change my mind. I was a naturally timid child, but they would have none of it. There were 3 older brothers, and although theyd often humor us, they were too old to play our silly games of pretend.  But looking back on the events that led me here, I couldn't help but wish I’d stayed that sweet timid girl, that cried when i caught a fish, because id made its mouth bleed. Being fearless and passionate hadnt gone well for me.

These days, from what I'd seen online and read about in articles, it seemed that almost all of the Skarsgard brothers were actors. I remembered the father was some sort of artistic type, and was shocked his sons had followed suit, all but one of them, got so embarrassed by his unapologetic nudity. The boys I grew up playing "make believe" with as children, were now critically acclaimed actors. Not only that but beautiful ones at that! Bill had grown into quite the looker. He was handsome by anyone's standards,  with his rich and dark brown hair, sinful full lips, chiseled facial features and penetrating green eyes. Looking at him in magazines, it was mind-blowing that this was the same boy that helped me build dams out of stones, or dig in the dirt for hours. I was sorry I'd lost touch with them but was too shy to reach out to them now that they were famous. That wasn't why I missed them, although I'm sure that's what they'd think. I hoped that the fame hadn't gone to their heads and that they were still the friendly, free-spirited family that I had always remembered them to be before I couldn't find the time to come back to this place.

When you're a teenager, you don't want to escape the rat race; you want to be in the thick of it. I was by no means a party girl, but I did enjoy an active social life in my teens, and all through college. I was obsessed with getting good grades and was a bit of an overachiever, so I kept myself busy. I was always aloof with boys because frankly, they all seemed more trouble than they were worth. I had high standards and was of the mindset that I would rather be alone than settle for someone perfect for me. Then I met Adam.

Adam appeared perfect, at least at the surface. He was naturally athletic and tall, attractive by conventional standards; and very funny -- as well as charismatic and successful. He honestly had it all, or so I thought. People, myself included, were instinctively drawn in by him. Adam could always be counted upon for a good time with a great story. He was your typical all-american boy next door that you wanted to do bad things with. It’d actually flattered me, when he took an interest in me, and tirelessly pursued me.

If I had to describe myself, physically, I was fortunate enough to be naturally conventionally attractive as well. However, I had a standoffish vibe. In my defense, resting bitch face is a thing that can’t be fixed for some people, but with every cloud, there's a silver lining. Especially since it's saved me from numerous creeps approaching me, and at least gave me the illusion that I blended in, and didn't draw much notice.  I HATED being the center of attention. On a Friday night, you're more likely to find me at home curled up on my couch engrossed in a good novel -- rather than dealing with strangers and drunk people.

I had a very secure career as a  business analyst, for a big utility company; so I was not the person you ever wanted to see. I analyzed our various departments and employees, to always be sure, we work at our most financial efficiency, and if I did come to see you, it wasn’t because to give you a high five. As long as I kept us out of the red, and looked professional and clean, they really couldn't have cared less about aging or being fashionable.

As time progressed within our relationship, I thought nothing of it when Adam got a new assistant at work named Alexis. Alexis had a lovely face and Victoria's Secret body. She was slender, and never appeared to have a single strand of hair out of place. A few friends made comments, but I defended her, annoyed people only looked at her superficially, and didn't take her seriously. I had suffered this same plight, my entire life, so I refused to acknowledge her beauty as anything suspicious. She was brilliant and tenacious, and her organizational skills were spectacular, and coming from me, that's quite a compliment.  She also knew a lot about healthy eating habits and managed to share diet and exercise tips with Adam when he started to find it difficult to fit in some of his suits. I thought it was sweet of him to make a new friend, and treat her like a peer and looking back, I want to choke myself.  I was, quite frankly, the most naive, trusting idiot on the planet.

It started simply; she would occasionally "forget" to give him some messages from me and once in a while laughing a little too much at one of his jokes that just wasn't as funny, or always would touch his arm or back or shoulder. Honestly, it was a tint bit annoying, but he had always been a handsome, charming guy, that made people feel comfortable. She wasn't the first one to be a bit too familiar, but at the end of the day, he loved me and wanted to marry me. I had no reason to not trust him because of her actions. If I'm honest, I probably should confess I am a bit of a reclusive type and am not very attentive or needy. Alone time is right up there with oxygen, for me, so I have to trust completely, or I’ll drive myself nuts.

If I’d paid closer attention, id have questioned why he started staying later and later at the office. I just assumed he was taking on more cases, that he had gained from all the free publicity when he had represented a notorious South American cartel crime lords son, and saved him from what was thought to be a certain a guaranteed death sentence. He’d still received a life sentence, but considering the 74 crimes had been guilty of, that was damn near a miracle! So, I didn’t mind when he had to cancel several dates with me. In fact, I was proud of him for getting more work, rising in the ranks of the legal hierarchy as well. Then there was his sudden disinterest in looking at houses with me. One of the most significant conflicts in our relationship had always been that I refused to move in together until we were married. Since we were going to be getting married at the end of summer, he had been foaming at the mouth to pick out our future home, but now it was like he planned on buying a house after we were married. I didn't let it bother me though, I figured that because of his busy work schedule, it would just be easier for me to take photos of the houses for him, and put them all in an online portfolio for him to review at his convenience. I even went as far as completely buying his bullshit excuse of "needing something to hold back his hair out of his eyes, while he was at the gym" when I found a woman's hair tye in his fucking bathroom. (Believe me, if I could go back and slap the shit out of myself --) :

It wasn’t until I received a call from my gynecologist with the results from my yearly pap smear -- that I was doused in the cold hard reality of what was going on. I had chlamydia, and quite frankly -- I wanted to cut his manhood off and make him eat it, I was so mad. I stormed into his office and burst through the doors dramatically slamming the test results on his desk in front of him. And you want to know the embarrassing part? I still didn't think it was Alexis.

“What dirty ass whore, have you been sticking your dick in? Who was worth throwing us away, because its fucking over.” I said menacingly enough, he scooted back a bit.

“I dont think you should talk about her like she cant hear you, for fucks sake,” he said looking over at Alexis who continued to work quietly and avoid eye contact with me; almost pretending as if nothing were wrong and she could not in fact hear me.

I was at a complete loss. I stood there with my mouth agape, trying to process this information, and when I could feel the lump in my throat rise, and the tears threatened to fall, I turned on my heel and left, without saying another word.

Looking back, I should have noticed several signs that something was amiss.

About six months ago, he became very concerned with his appearance; hitting the gym, eating healthy, buying anti-aging products, investing in several expensive wardrobe pieces, getting a new hairstyle. I had found it funny that at 30 years old, he was having a mid-life crisis. I’d tease him about it a little bit, and he’d just roll his eyes and say he wasn’t a natural stunner like me.

I’ve always been very low maintenance, but that’s because my body knows it has to keep it together because I’m not doing a bunch of crazy stuff to stay young. I’m totally fine with gray hairs, wrinkles and wearing my Juicy tracksuits that haven’t been in style, for a decade. There were better odds that I’d get superpowers than I’d get Botox.

I had been so blind. Such a fool.

When Adam came by my home to pick up his possessions he’d left there over the years, she came along and even had the audacity to come inside with him. She had this smug look on her face, and kept whispering to Adam and giggling. I knew she was trying to get a rise out of me but was a lady dammit... I held it together until they finally left, and as I closed the door and locked it behind them, I pressed my forehead to the door, willing myself to stay strong, but my legs got so weak, and the air felt like it’d been knocked out of me. And I suddenly felt far too heavy to stand. I crumpled to the floor, and curled myself into the fetal position, and cried like I, ve never cried in my entire life. Hysterical, slobberyface, sobbing with boogers, till my throat and diaphragm hurt, and then I cried some more.

My heart was broken. I felt like my life was over, and my chance at happiness had left with him. I sunk into a pretty deep depression and stopped cleaning the house and speaking to anyone outside of work. If it hadn't been for my loyalty to Max, I don't know if I would of left my house. I had to take care of Max tho, so I pressed on although I was a shell of my old self.

I’d torture myself looking at their social media accounts, with all their cute little pictures and sappy comments. I’d never been one to post 1000 pictures of my life or write to my boyfriend. I saw every day, professions of my love for all the world to see. I updated my Instagram maybe once a month, unlike Alexis, who seemed to update hers about once an hour. It was disgusting.

That’s how I saw the hydrangea bushes.

I always loved hydrangeas and had asked Adam if I could plant some at his office, and he’d always said they were too problematic. I’m an analyst, so rather than argue, I gathered various varieties and strains, what their strengths and weaknesses were, what colors were offered, how often they bloomed and what was required to keep them alive. I had presented Adam with the top 3 hydrangea candidates in folders that were the color they’d bloom to be, and was rather pleased with myself. He’d been busy at the time and handed the folders off to Alexis, promising to look them over later. I asked him a few times if he’d gotten a chance to look them over and he’d get annoyed, so I just let it go.

Now I was sitting here, seething with rage, looking at Alexis, posing next to a sizeable Bloomstruck hydrangea bush holding my motherfucking folder.

I don’t know what came over me, but I had to destroy that bush.: I stayed up all night, figuring out the best strategy. Finally, I decided to go by his office before sunrise, since no one would be around, for me to douse said bush in lighter fluid and walk away to let it soak in. Eventually, once they had arrived at the office a little bit later, I would wait for them to all be inside and then casually stroll on by and toss a lit match in the bush.

 Burn baby, burn! 

His office building was made out of bricks and the flowering bed was also encased in bricks; there was no risk of it getting out of control.

I jogged by, splashing the contents all over the bush, and then crossed the street to the parking garage, where I took the stairs up to the sixth floor, where I could see them arrive without being seen. People never look up.

It didn't take long before I saw Adam’s shiny black Mercedes pull into his reserved parking space, and imagine my surprise when Alexis got out the passenger side. I guess he was giving her rides to work now too, or maybe they even lived together. Frankly, I didn't care, but they were not getting happily ever after, with my favorite fucking flowers!

They kissed and held hands, in front of God and everybody. It was repulsive and so unprofessional. He pulled her into a deep kiss and then went inside, leaving her outside. What was she doing? I bet she was going to take some fucking selfies. She walked over to MY bush, digging in her purse. More pictures with the bush, but when she pulled something out of her purse, my stomach dropped. In her hand, she had a cigarette and a lighter. She tried to light her cigarette, but it was a windy day. Thank God, I breathed a sigh of relief until she huddled down into the bush, using it to block the wind and lit her cigarette. I'm not exaggerating when I say; she quite literally burst into flames.

 I watched in horror, as she ran around flailing her arms and screaming completely engulfed in flames. Then I turned around, and I ran as fast and as far as my legs would take me in the opposite direction.

I want to give a huge thank you for helping me with editing @imaginationlane. She is such a good writer, and she took the time to help point me in the right direction and I'm very thankful. I actually edited something!!!! Yeah!!!

If I should keep going, like or comment or reblog. I welcome any comments, good or bad.

[wildfangz]

@liliithvatore tagged me in that simself thing thats been goin around DAYS ago but here it finally is! also thank you for the tag this was fun :-]

I tag @slythersim @thelurgoyf @seoulchii @weicyn @solitasims @daisydezem @raha-plays-the-sims if they want to do it & anyone that just wants to do it in general! message me and I’ll even @ u directly if u want. 

anyway lets DO THIS shitload of questions under the cut u’ve been warned!!!

1. what is your name?

julian

2. what is your nickname?

jewel, jules

3. birthday?

oct 26th

4. what is your favorite book series?

percy jackson and the olympians will probably always own my heart & soul

5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

yes & yes. tho i do think a lot of alien sightings and conspiracy theories and what not are bullshit

6. who is your favorite author?

maggie stiefvater probably? also cornelia funke but its been years since ive read anything by her so i cant be sure BUT i loved inkheart & the thief lord so much

7. what is your favorite radio station?

ummm when i listen to the radio at all i kinda just switch between two rock stations and our popular music station.

8. what is your favorite flavor of anything?

blue raspberry !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tasty and i love a blue tongue

9. what word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful?

cool. or bitchin’.  i play it simple

10. what is your current favorite song?

hands like houses - revive

11. what is your favorite word?

roulette and inhibition which i never get to use either as much as i want !

12. what was the last song you listened to?

emarosa - givin’ up ! its a bop!

13. what tv show would you recommend for everybody to watch?

the new she-ra on netflix its so good. and gay

14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down?

moana. its also like the only movie i dont have trouble getting thru despite how many times ive already seen it

15. do you play video games?

16. what is your biggest fear?

idk... being inherently unlovable i guess n ending up alone? also spiders !

17. what is your best quality, in your opinion?

im fairly open-minded and laid back. Unless someones being like, purposely nasty or something I generally don’t get defensive or aggressive. also a lot of little quirks that piss others off dont bother me im very u do u as long as its not actually harming anyone and ive had people tell me this makes it easier to open up to me so thats probably my best quality....

18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion?

....at the same time though i do get very sensitive when faced w/ criticism even if its of the fair variety when its not phrased really gently for various reasons and i dont like that. especially since I have a tendency to not even talk to people about it. I’ll just immediately start distancing myself. also other than that i think overall I have a really high tolerance lvl but if you cross that line I hold a grudge like a motherfucker

9. do you like cats or dogs better?

cats! dogs are good too but cats are a lot easier for me to handle...and quieter generally but even when they’re loud cat sounds dont get to me quite as much as barks do

20. what is your favorite season?

autumn but im starting to really like summer for some reason? wack :/

21. are you in a relationship?

nope

22. what is something you miss from your childhood?

the lack of responsibility, probably. that sounds real bad lmao but for me its like...I know I’ve grown in various ways over the years but I also feel like so many of my experiences, my trauma, my mental health has held me back and I don’t think I’m mentally where I should be for my age. so all the responsibility of adulthood is just..really overwhelming for me sometimes, even though ive been given a pass from certain aspects of it and the rest is pretty simple its the idea!!!!

23. who is your best friend?

my ex

24. what is your eye color?

25. what is your hair color?

26. who is someone you love?

my mom

27. who is someone you trust?

not really anyone rn unfortunately...would like 2 work on that

28. who is someone you think about often?

are my OCs a fair answer because i am always thinking about my babies.....

29. are you currently excited about/for something?

my favorite webcomic (that also has two of my all time favorite characters in it) just came back!! the artist disappeared back in 2015 like the day after I binge-read the whole fucking thing & i was so disappointed but its BACK and 2018 has been redeemed

30. what is your biggest obsession?

sims probably! i could talk about anything relating to it for hours

31. what was your favorite tv show as a child?

there were so damn many its hard to even think and figure out the most notable ones...i really, really liked teen titans though?

32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone?

my ex, again

33. are you superstitious?

not terribly so but somewhat. I take certain things as signs and I mean I do believe in astrology & such to a degree

34. do you have any unusual phobias?

i used to be afraid of mirrors but thats all i can think of and its not even a thing anymore...the only other thing is tornadoes but i dont think its unusual. but it definitely sucks for me ‘cause i live in tornado alley!

35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

behind it....like taking pretty pictures and dont like ppl capturing my image 2 film

36. what is your favorite hobby?

sims.....also singing!!! and drawing!!!! video editing!!!!!!!!! the works

37. what was the last book you read?

The Dream Thieves....havent finished it though because last time i went to read it a spider was lying in wait and im traumatized

38. what was the last movie you watched?

coco i think???

39. what musical instruments do you play, if any?

drums, various other percussion instruments, and violin mainly

40. what is your favorite animal?

ferrets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

41. what are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow?

uhhhhh @bratsims @liliithvatore @cabsim @wildlyminiaturesandwich @keysims pls dont feel bad if i didnt include u these were just the first to pop into my head and ive been following some of them since I first made my blog!! and have kept up with their stories completely and enjoy them etc check them OUT !

42. what superpower do you wish you had?

shapeshifting!!! dysphoria? gone. ugliness? gone. want to morph into a fucked up clown and scare people when they realize all the classic clown features are a real actual part of my face? possible!

43. when and where do you feel most at peace?

chillin’ at the pool in summer during the part of the day when no ones there.... swimming is always relaxing 2 me then i love just resting under the sun and drying off afterwards especially since we have a little pond nearby and i can hear the water! its nice

44. what makes you smile?

always and without fail? interacting with anyone i have a crush on. i’ll look like a dope the whole time

45. what sports do you play, if any?

i used 2 play basketball a lot. Like not seriously but it was a thing

46. what is your favorite drink?

dr pepper and monster energy (original flavor) pumps through my veins at this point. we love a carbonated beverage

47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody?

two years ago for my ex and I’s first year anniversary... I never got it mailed but I did at least take a picture of it (with included caption because my handwriting is atrocious). i was very up front about being a romantic and see heres the PROOF

48. are you afraid of heights?

nope! very excited by them actually

49. what is your biggest pet peeve?

i cant stand passive aggressive behavior. my stance is either get over it or quit acting like a bitch because otherwise im just going to ignore you thats the scorpio way (in all seriousness I really, really do recommend not putting up with it and ignoring it until they decide to be up front with you. it can be exhausting constantly reading into conversations and its not healthy for you or them. if they have something to say they need to learn to talk about it properly, and that lack of social skills is not ever on you)

50. have you ever been to a concert?

yep! i think about....six or so? i love them...which is really funny im autistic and EVERYTHING about them should freak me out and they do in other circumstances but at a show i just live for it

51. are you vegan/vegetarian?

nope! ive thought before id like to go vegetarian...but i couldnt do it with my health problems. also i love shrimp too much

52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

ive always wanted to do something creative! when i was rlly young I thought a lot about singing and acting and writing in particular...all things im still interested in.... also i wanted to be a dictator ages 4-7 because i told my mom i wanted to be president of the world and make people do what i say and she said “honey thats a dictator not a president”. i then made that known at school and that turned into a situation!

53. what fictional world would you like to live in?

pokemon universe or bust. 

54. what is something you worry about?

never being able to do things i want to do or catching up with others because of my disabilities

55. are you scared of the dark?

yes but a reasonable amount i think

56. do you like to sing?

yes :]

57. have you ever skipped school?

yes i used to play sick a LOT and as my parents caught onto it id even go all out to convince them. i was good at school but i hated it so much

58. what is your favorite place on the planet?

dunno! malls maybe i love shopping and looking at material objects i wish to own

59. where would you like to live?

oregon! portland in particular thats been my dream for a few years now

60. do you have any pets?

a cat! he lives with my dad & grandma though...hes grown up there and likes going outside so I felt bad about taking him with me when i moved out but anyway this is him hes fat and stupid and i love him his name is coffee

61. are you more of an early bird or a night owl?

night owl because my rhythm is all fucked up but in my heart....an early bird...if i get a good nights sleep i’ll be up early yacking your ear off and so excited for the day

62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better?

sunsets are prettier...but sunrises feel more refreshing

63. do you know how to drive?

nope ! im gay !

64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones?

headphones. better sound quality also discourages people from talking to me slightly more

65. have you ever had braces?

nope! but i need them

66. what is your favorite genre of music?

post-hardcore maybe?

67. who is your hero?

every trans person living their truth and being open and loud about who they are past present & future. the worlds not particularly kind to us and our existence alone is considered a radical act, so its always given me hope to see others refusing to pretend to be someone they’re not in this environment and I’ll always have mad respect for that

68. do you read comic books?

i read manga and webcomics...ive always wanted to get into superhero comics but the amount of issues and different versions is ridiculous and makes it inaccessible 2 me 

69. what makes you the most angry?

i mean its hard to pinpoint what makes me angry the MOST...but a contender is definitely how some people feel free to treat others with cruelty and think its their god given right to deny or attack someones existence in some way, & how acts of kindness, even the most basic are branded as liberal bullshit or whatever....it goes against everything i was taught growing up

70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book?

real book! electronic device can be easier but....rough on the eyes after a while and nothing beats the real thing for me

71. what was your favorite subject in school?

language arts...at least when we did creative writing stuff

72. do you have any siblings?

two older sisters & an older brother that passed away years ago but. still my brother u kno

73. what was the last thing you bought?

mocha frappe baby!!!!!

74. how tall are you?

5′4″

75. can you cook?

a little bit....not as much as id like to though but im learning

76. what are three things that you love?

storms, cheesy breadsticks, and cat purrs

77. what are three things that you hate?

unnecessary rudeness, being talked down to or generally treated like im stupid, grapefruit which is the worst thing on this list

78. do you have more female friends or more male friends?

female i think?

79. what is your sexual orientation?

im the big bad promiscuous bisexual your parents warned you about

80. where do you currently live?

oklahoma. gofundme campaign to get me out

81. who was the last person you texted?

my friend jojo! just Now!

82. when was the last time you cried?

yesterday afternoon but im a changed man now thats behind me. i will cry about different things soon

83. who is your favorite youtuber?

the mcelroy brothers. also super best friends play. matt, pat & woolie are all great tbh

84. do you like to take selfies?

depends on whether i feel ugly or terribly dysphoric that day or not

85. what is your favorite app?

ummmm....love live school idol festival ive been playin for years its an addiction

86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like?

dad = bad mom = okay. theres some issues that strain it but its not too bad

87. what is your favorite foreign accent?

i have no idea what the fuck australians are talking about half the time but i dig it anyway 

88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit?

Italy, Greece, Germany, Japan, Mexico, various other states (ive only been out of state three times. twice to texas and then once to kansas. for five minutes)

89. what is your favorite number?

6!! 26 also

90. can you juggle?

ive always wanted to but alas.... :-[

91. are you religious?

i suppose...but im rlly not into organized religion

92. do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting?

space probably theres so fucking much of it man!

93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil?

not to brag but sometimes i eat my mcdonalds hamburgers cold from the fridge so you can figure that one out yourself B)

94. are you allergic to anything?

pecans. not deathly allergic though so catch me eating turtle pie anyway! 

95. can you curl your tongue?

nope :[

96. can you wiggle your ears?

nope :[

97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something?

usually as soon as i realize....unless someones being real smug and annoying then i might be stubborn about it

98. do you prefer the forest or the beach?

ive never been to the beach but i love her!!!

99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?

probably that you have to look at your accomplishments differently when you’re disabled or just struggling, to not be so down on yourself because its a fact that what might be a mole hill to someone else is a mountain to you and you have to judge yourself accordingly. Like maybe you weren’t able to clean the whole house, but washing the dishes and tidying your desk doesn’t usually get done but you did it. That that should be celebrated because while it would also feel good if you did more, you still did something and thats great all things considered.

100. are you a good liar?

sometimes, really depends what im lying about and if im like....into it at all. If my guts against it for whatever reason I’ll have trouble

101. what is your hogwarts house?

i always get slytherin or hufflepuff! usually with like 1 point difference

102. do you talk to yourself?

i am talking to myself right now as i fill this out

103. are you an introvert or an extrovert?

extrovert mainly! i used to think i was more introverted but now i think a lot of exhaustion when theres any comes from me just going the extra mile and actively trying to read people and pick up on social ques.... if I just chill im fine

104. do you keep a journal/diary?

nope...ive tried but i just cant keep up with it so i do the next best thing. shouting into the void on the internet to a bunch of strangers

105. do you believe in second chances?

depends on what you did the first time. Some people just don’t deserve taking that risk imo...but i can be a little guarded so maybe thats a bit too harsh

106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?

turn it in, unless there was no identifying things in it & it was found somewhere kinda random. Then I’d maybe hold onto it unless my gut challenged that

107. do you believe that people are capable of change?

absolutely. i mean thats all we do throughout our lives is change and evolve...that being said I think extremely drastic changes are maybe not entirely impossible, but extremely rare, and the residue of the former self usually sticks around in some form

108. are you ticklish?

yes, dangerously so

109. have you ever been on a plane?

nope

110. do you have any piercings?

one day hopefully!

111. what fictional character do you wish was real?

asra from the arcana.....even if he wasn’t my boyfriend thats just a dude u could chill and eat some pomegranates with u know. Before I downloaded the app my friends kept telling me he was made for me and he really was he ticks like everything on my Favorite Characters Feature List except villain but he has that particular allure & attitude i like so much in villains so thats not a single point off hes perfect

112. do you have any tattoos?

nope...one day! hopefully!

113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far?

accepting my genderqueerness and bisexuality definitely. Self Love hasn’t been perfected just yet but that was such a huge step in the right direction

114. do you believe in karma?

yes! she doesn’t get shit done as much as id like however

115. do you wear glasses or contacts?

glasses. not contacts yet because my eye doctor is a bitch

116. do you want children?

I do....just not sure if id be a good parent. Its really important to me if I had a child itd be for the right reason and I could raise them well in a healthy environment & be able to take care of all their needs yknow

117. who is the smartest person you know?

probably my friend jojo

118. what is your most embarrassing memory?

one time i looked outside and the sunset was really pretty and i wanted to get a photo of it so i walked out.....and stood like right by the street so there weren’t trees in my way...and then i realized mid-pic 1) i am not wearing pants & my shirt is full of holes 2) id been depressed for days so my hair was a tangled mess. I tailed it back inside so i didnt even get a nice pic it was blurry!

119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter?

120. what colour are most of you clothes?

black i didnt even have to think about that one

121. do you like adventures?

they are pretty swell

122. have you ever been on tv?

a few times when i was little. always photobombing the news reporters 4 what i thought would eventually lead 2 fame & fortune

123. how old are you?

21

124. what is your favorite movie quote?

this is technically lyrics to that lil song in moana at the end but

“ They have stolen the heart from inside you. But this does not define you.”

hits me hard every time! emotional impact? i know her

125. sweet or savory?

sweet!!!!!!!! gotta balance out my bitter somehow

[v-le]

Kmusic: My artists in 4 months

Foreword: PHEW this one took a while.... but I have really had so much on my mind lately that i knew i just HAD to churn this one out asap... I also would’ve tried to include videos rather than images but it’s a pain in the butt... I guess my vids will be top secret for now hehe. But really. a true blessing, these 4 months. Ah, I still really cant believe it..

--

If you were to ask me how I felt about my first semester at Yonsei and simply the past 4 months in Korea, from August 21st to December 23rd, I would probably just emphasize how grateful I am. But to narrow down this deep affection for all the happenings, I would have to do so in a music context. It is such a fascinating and seemingly mundane thing to go on about: Why does my music mean what it means to me to this day? How have those values shaped my experiences in Korea so far? What does it mean for me going forward? These are questions I want to ask myself, reflect upon, and continue to explore as I await to begin another journey in Korea once again.

If I rewind to when I first started listening to Korean music, it would be when I was… I don’t even know. I was exposed to it since I was about 7 or 8 years old, when my sister was sucked into the very beginnings of OG K-pop: Wonder Girls, Big Bang, 2NE1, Super Junior, SNSD, SHINee, you name ‘em all. I’ve talked about this a lot, but during those days I was never particularly interested in that side of music. It didn’t make much sense to me and it just sounded mreh. But after several years of this exposure, I fell into my own K-pop obsession-hole starting with LEDApple, a very unassuming, catchy-music-making band. I was in it for the music. At first.

Okay, now fast forward past my kpop era: you can read all about it in my very extensive post from about a year ago here. But yes, lets leave that chunk of my life behind and think about where I stand from a “music maturation” perspective. Right here. Right now.

I cannot pinpoint the exact moment or day or time in which I fell into the “deeper” side of Korean music. I am pretty certain that it simply occurred naturally, gradually. What I know for a fact is that I owe so much of myself to my music. At any given point in my life thus far, my music has defined a large portion of my identity: it really does mean a lot to me. I am constantly listening to music. To narrow this down into my current self’s context, my music mostly consists of Roy Kim, Sam Kim, DAY6, Kim Feel, Fromm, Jung Sewoon, Eddy Kim, Kwon Jin Ah, and many many many others.

These artists, the music that they make, is not K-pop. It never will be. I don’t care what those stupid Spotify playlists call some of the songs from these musicians, but they are not and never will be K-pop. (At most DAY6 could come closest to fitting). My discovery of each and every one of these artists varies from person to person of course, but most of my sentiments remain the same all throughout. I would give my everything for these people. But I want to make it very very very clear: it is not necessarily these PEOPLE, these faces, these appearances, these artists themselves that I am oh-so enthusiastic about. It is their voice & music. That is honestly all it really comes down to at the end of day. It is and has always been about the music.

I owe my deep appreciation for my music to several various factors ranging from emotionally & mentally detached parents & family, my somewhat introverted personality, and my incessantly over-analytical mindset. However, what exactly constitutes this deep appreciation is what I want to explore. A certain fact is that I hated high school. As I grew up through the ages of 13 to 17, I completely despised the American public education system that was high school. Without getting into the complex details about my community that was the heart of Silicon Valley and the various cultural pushes, I just have to say that high school felt like a sort of mental torture for me.

And during all those times, when I needed it the most, when I felt so completely lost, when I felt like no one would listen to me, nothing could console my distressed heart and mind, I always fell back to many of those artists listed above. Particularly to Roy and Sam. I owe them SO MUCH. They literally changed my life.

Home. 영원한 건 없지만. Your Song. These three songs, my life songs. Their lyrics literally saved my life. They mean everything to me. Without these songs from Roy & Sam, I would not be where I am today.

All my artists that I mentioned make their own music. They write, compose, produce, everything. They are the true masters of their voices (see, not K-pop). And so, when I listen to them, when I absorb their voices & melodies, I can sometimes really feel their sincerity, their yearning. I am so thankful for what they have produced for this world and for my ears to hear. However, within the past 4 months, I got to see, know, understand, and FEEL these artists on a whole new level.

In chronological order, here is a list of the artists I saw live &/or in person during my time in Korea thus far:

08/31 Roy Kim & Son Seungyeon @ Picnic Concert

09/01 Monogram, Baek Yerin, Kwak Jineon, Paul Kim, Bol4, Crush, Urban Zakapa @ Someday Festival (Day 1)

09/02 Fromm, Jo Hyunah, Jung Sewoon, Roy Kim, Yong Junhyung & Yang Yoseob, K. Will @ Someday Festival (Day 2)

09/08 DAY6 @ You Made My Day Fanmeeting

09/20 Roy Kim @ SNU Fall Festival

11/02 Roy Kim & Kim Haon @ Daellim Univ. Halloween Festival

11/04 Nam Woohyun (& Jang Dongwoo, Kim Sunggyu, Lee Sungyeol) @ 식목일 (Day 3)

11/10 Fromm @ Seoul Music Forum Mini Concert & Free Fansigning

11/11 Eddy Kim @ Miles Apart Album Fansigning

11/22 Sam Kim @ "Sun And Moon" 1st Album Release Showcase

12/01 Sam Kim @ "Sun And Moon" 1st Album Fansigning

12/09 Fromm @ "Midnight Candy" Mini Album Release Concert

12/16 Roy Kim @ ROchestra Live Tour 2018 (Seoul Day 2)

12/21 Sam Kim @ Lotte Tower World Park Christmas Busking

12/22 DAY6 @ "The Present" Christmas Special Concert (Day 1)

Breakdown:

Free: 5 events

Paid Tix: 6 events

Album Purchase & Application: 4 events

🌹 Roy Kim: 5 times

🌚 Sam Kim: 3 times

🌓 Fromm: 3 times

🎸 DAY6: 2 times

As an avid fan of many of these artists for YEARS, like Infinite for 8 years, Roy for 5, Sam since his debut in Apr. 2016, DAY6 since their debut in Sept. 2015, Fromm for over 4 years, Eddy for over 5 years, etc etc. I NEVER thought I would actually get to see or hear these people live. Okay, granted I saw DAY6 live back in Oct. 2017 as well as Sam & the entire Antenna fam in Sept. 2017, both in LA. But doing 3 fansignings????? Meeting and talking with Fromm, Eddy Kim, AND Sam Kim???? Seeing Roy FIVE TIMES??????????? Three times for FREE, once at a festival, and then even being able to go his end-of-the-year solo concert???????? Y’all…. It was literally a dream come true. A stroke of luck tenfold. Twelvefold. I saw at least one treasured artist a total of fifteen times. Whether it was at a college busking event, the Someday music festival, a fansigning, a fanmeeting, or even a solo concert. I was somehow there.

Seeing Roy live was something I thought I would never ever ever in my lifetime get to do. As I explained in my 1st semester wrap-up post found here, Roy’s situation with school made my hopes seem very bleak from the get-go. But still, my luck persisted 5 times throughout. I almost, nearly, COMPLETELY failed to acquire a ticket for his ROchestra solo concert, Seoul Day 2 show. It was probably the most energy-draining, stressful, painful and TERRIBLE ticketing experience I have ever experienced. And trust me, I’ve done lots of ticketing before (unfortunately). But after 1 hour of staying glued to that PC bang computer screen, I managed. And I went. And maybe I’ll have to do a separate post for it, but Roy Kim’s concert on December 16th, 2018, was the best concert I have ever been to in my life. Easily. It was so breath-taking.

But yes, enough with Roy. Fromm is my ultimate indie goddess and she has a charm that is so indescribably perfect. She decided to release a mini album over a year since her last one, in the middle of November while I was there and I wanted to DIE. It was suchhhhh a solid release, and I even got to attend a free fansigning with her as well for her solo concert for the album release. I LOVE her cheeky personality so much. And she really is just sooooo kind. I couldn’t have much of a conversation with her due to the time constraint, but I at least got to snap a quick selfie heh (which i wont exposed bc privacy ya feel??). Her solo concert was gorgeous in every single way; I honestly would be willing to pay any price to go to it again in a heartbeat. Even though it was for her “Midnight Candy” album release, it was basically a Fromm discography concert because she sang EVERYTHING and I was THIS close to wanting to cry because I just felt so grateful & happy in those moments. I love her I really do. Ah, also, 2 out of the 3 times I saw her, I wrote to her & posted on Instagram and she liked both posts for me :”).

Sam…. My luck with Sam was out of this world honestly…. I still get goosebumps thinking about how blessed I was to see Sam 3 times, 2 times in very special instances. First off. He announced the release of his FIRST FULL album after a TWO YEAR & A HALF HIATUS. Y’all. This boy hadn’t released anything for 2.5 entire years since his debut and then suddenly WHAM he does it. Somehow right when I was in Korea. AH… I still….. I’m still screaming inside. I screamed aloud in my room for a good 5 minutes straight when I first saw the news, and yes, to this day I am still screaming. His three pre-release tracks were GORGEOUS & Sun And Moon, track 1, literally brought me to tears without even trying. I had been missing his voice and presence for so long…

And then, for the full album release, Antenna announced a post in which if you pre-order his album when it comes out & email the Antenna staff with the receipt showing proof, you will be put in a drawing to attend his live showcase on the night of its release. OHMYGOSH. I knew I had to do it. I struggled a little bit & even felt like I was doing everything so untimely, but I am SO blessed that I really was able to order & pay for it, shoot Antenna an email real quick, and then nervously await my results for like a week. That one Friday the results were to be emailed out, I remembering feeling extremely anxious all throughout the day. I desperately wanted to go…. And at 6:00PM…. I got the email!!!!! I was literally shaking, hands & knees trembling and everything. I actually got invited to the ‘Sun And Moon’ 1st Album Showcase!!! Y’all!!! It was so amazing. It was the night before I had to leave to Taiwan early in the morning so it was quite stressful, but still!!!!! I felt so honored to be there that night: the venue was extremely intimate and Sam was soooososoooo gooooddd and the tracks he sang were sooo beautiful and just… everything about it was like a dream. I was truly blessed.

A week later…. Antenna announced Sam’s first FANSIGNING & once again I was overwhelmed with this “OMG I WANT TO GO, but how, should I really, but what about….??”. It was a physical album-purchase-based application process which means I had to go to this specific bookstore in Gangnam, buy x-amount of albums, and based on that amount, my name will be put into a drawing that many times. Very basic fansigning grounds. I already pre-ordered his album for the showcase, so I honestly didn’t really need another one… but I decided to test my luck & just purchase 1 measly album & see if that ONE album will help me get chosen. And o boy. I GOT IN :”)). When I saw my name on that list in the official fancafe post, I couldn’t believe it….

On the day of the fansigning which was happening inside a mall, starting at a certain time I was able to walk in and choose a random number from 1-100 and since I arrived early, I got to choose pretty early as well. When I saw my number I literally gasped aloud: #7. I know it’s a corny & cliché favorite number but only bc infinite ok. Being #7 meant that I literally say FRONT & CENTER of the stage…not even stage. There wasn’t a stage... it was just an open area. My turn came around very quickly because I was early and let’s just say I was a fking mess, repeating thank you over and over & literally, incessantly telling him how thankful I am for his music and how grateful that after all that time he took to came back, he came right when I was in Korea and how I was at Antenna in LA & his showcase too and thank you thank you, yadda yadda. Yeah…..I suck at these things I really do. Then, at the end of it all, he took a picture with the crowd of fans and ended up sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME LMAOOOOOOO. Okay here is a picture of maybe my biggest life accomplishment??? jk but no rly LOL.

look ma, i made it :”)

But really, the fact that I actually got to talk to Sam & just try to relay all my thanks that I have been owing to him for many years… wow… I’m still in shock and I am just so eternally thankful. I used to think to myself “damn, I wish I could talk to Sam one day” and damn…. I really did do it…

Eddy Kim was also another meeting that I could have only dreamed of before coming to Korea… His last release was 4 goddamn years ago oh my gosh… This fansign application was not a random drawing like Sam’s but just a “buy his album at this bookstore & u get in” sort of thing. To be honest I could blatantly tell that Eddy’s popularity is definitely not as comparable to the other artists that I cherish & I was quite shocked by this revelation. I knew for sure in America, who the hell would ever know him. But even in Korea, he seemed… just really not that well-known, especially from a music perspective. It was interesting and even a little disheartening to see. He was very kind & cutely impressed with my Korean skills and we literally just talked in a bunch of Konglish & once again I just kept repeating how thankful I was for his music in my life. How I waited for so long and his release literally matched up with my time there as well. Even though I never got to hear Eddy sing live, I am more than happy with the fact that I simply got to chat with him & relay my heart as best as possible.

After doing 3 full fansignings I have fully realized that as grateful for the opportunities I am, they are so difficult and stressful… To be given such a short amount of time to spill out my heart is essentially impossible for me LOL. I’d rather much LOVE to just to sit down with these artists not to fangirl or cry, but to have a real, genuine conversation about their music and why it holds so much sentiment for me. I would love to ask questions about their music and I would love to share with them how much it means me & why I am so thankful at the end of the day. That’s what I really wish I could do. Because even as I hurriedly expressed my countless thanks and probably sounded like a hot mess, I feel like I still just came off as a surface-level fan saying their thanks. But noo! In reality, I just wanted to relay how much their music means to me (I literally just typed this wow repetition is gr8). Which I feel like I really couldn’t do properly… I couldn’t get my heart across all the way ☹ but it’s okay because as I’ve been repeating, I am infinitely thankful nonetheless.

My first DAY6 event, their 3rd year anniversary 1st fanmeeting, was a bit of a flop for me simply because they talked wayyyyy to much & played stupid games & everything… and it was cute, but not what I was there for. I kinda wished I heard more of them singing, but it’s okay. In no way am I undermining this monumental day because I know it meant a lot to the boys & fans collectively. Jae could not participate due to health reasons & it definitely put a huge damper on the entire atmosphere, but the members tried their best and the entire audience even consistently sang aloud all of Jae’s parts during the songs when his voice was not there. They also sang a never-before-released track with Jae and they all just cried a bunch and me, sitting there, watching those light-wrist-band-thingies glow & beam & shine in-sync with the music, all sorts of colors, in a massive wave of lights & fanchants & music sewn together… wow it was honestly stunning & one of the most awesome spectacles I’ve ever experienced. Korean fans are really something else….

Speaking of which, attending 15 events during my 4 months there taught me many things about Korean concerts & fans that I find so extremely fascinating.

For most concerts, whether they are super hype-y & K-pop-y or a ballad one with minimal need for movement, when there are seats, fans with stay seated for the most part. In America, I feel like all fans tend to automatically stand (for basically all K-pop acts) regardless of the seating. But in Korea, at my experiences with DAY6 in particular (I also have heard that BTS in Seoul was the same), fans stayed sitting basically all throughout. The most like bodily movements they require would be the waving of their lightsticks. It was honestly pretty refreshing to see a generally calm & collected audience, at least where there was seating.

The fanchants are out of this world !!!!! Especially for the 2 times I saw DAY6, the fans were so on point with their fanchants: they were loud and clear and crisp AND THEY MATCHED WITH THE LIGHTS ON THEIR WRISTBANDS AND EVERYTHING wow was that so cool to see… The fans are super in unison & it honestly adds such a new level of energy to the experience.

SINGING !! Of course, since all these fans are Korean, they can actually sing all of these songs at concerts, unparalleled to international fans lol. One really cool moment at DAY6 that I will probably remember forever simply because this song is gorgeous & means a lot to me… but at day 1 of DAY6’s ‘The Present’ xmas concert series, Wonpil said “We’ve been on world tour for a while now and I’ve been wanting to try this out… if I play this song, can you sing for me?” and of course we all unconditionally said yes. And he started to play 그렇더라고요 on the keyboard & the ENTIRE AUDIENCE caught on immediately & we all sang the entire intro & first verse together in unison, as loud as we could, as the members joined in one by one w/ their own instruments, just watching us as we SANG FOR THEM. It was so cute & we even did it again with 장난 아닌데. This sort of stuff…. Wow…. Can only really happen at a domestic concert, which was honestly so so so beautiful. I LOVED IT!!!

No crazy, constant screaming during every part of the performance. Fans in Korea honestly only scream when necessary… ya feel? Sometimes at concerts, I feel like fans are just screaming at the top of the lungs the entire time, during every second of a song. But Korean fans chant when there is a chant, and cheer & scream when it really fits the situation. I really liked this more toned-down atmosphere from the Korean audiences.

I think that’s all I can really narrow down from my various experiences at Korean concerts compared to the ones in America… It really is quite different though, and I feel so honored to have witnessed this comparison countless times. I am really just honored to be there at those moments in general.

Which brings back around to this… upgraded level of connection towards my artists. After seeing so many of them in person and more than once for that matter, when listening to their music now… something definitely sounds different. When I listened to these artists before I saw them right in front of my eyes, their real, authentic voices blasting into my ears, I still felt moved, I still felt goosebumps, choked up, a bulging affection sometimes. And not that I have lost those feelings, no, definitely not. Now… now, when I listen to these artists through my earbuds or through my laptop… I can literally hear them in my ear. Does that even make sense? Well, duh… of course I can hear them. But like… it’s like… I can hear them on a much more intimate level than ever before. Now, I can really imagine & sense these voices in my head. I can pick up the sound of their breaths, picture their expressions, and really just HEAR their voices as if they were physically singing into my ear right there in that moment, in person. It’s such a peculiar and special and unique feeling that is honestly so hard to describe with just words…

But to be honest like… to this day I still cannot wrap my head around everything. I can barely count and keep track of all the artists I saw and when I saw them and what they sang. I feel like SO MUCH happened that my mind can barely grasp it all, as much as it wants to do so so badly… I still can barely comprehend it… years ago I would cry to Sam Kim, ponder how amazing he would be live… and then literally somehow, he sang two songs like 7 feet in front of me, and even sat right next to me. I thought Fromm was a goddess from another world: but I somehow got to talk to her & even take a selfie?? What?? I thought the world would never let me see Roy who always has his school life to manage as well…. But I got to see him live 5 times?? And even go to his solo concert?? WHAT??????? HOW????????? YOU GUYS, I could honestly go on and on and on because it still all feels like a dream…

In particular with Roy Kim… I say this to myself all the time, the irony is just… wow. Who would’ve known that after years of watching countless fancams, effortlessly memorizing his scarce yet existent fanchants, also memorizing set-lists without even trying, becoming all-too-familiar with things like the way he talks, addresses the crowd, sings specific songs, even all the way down to the way he does adlibs for certain songs… I unknowingly picked up & knew these performance aspects SO WELL through pure admiration, enthusiasm and just LOVE for every song he sings. And who would’ve known, that years later, I would have my very own fancams to cry over. After years of literally watching almost EVERY fancam of him on youtube, at all the various events he performed at, some years more frequently than others, today I can proudly say that I have my very own fancams of him, too. Ohmygosh, it’s still so hard for me to believe…

It really just….. *breathes deeply & tries to recollect self for the 24980164th time*…. It just goes to show… No, okay I don’t really know what it goes to show… But one thing is a fact: loving, cherishing, being thankful for, dedicating so much of my emotional & mental strength towards these seemingly-no-one artists has paid off tenfold. No, billionfold. I don’t even know. I just…. I just never thought I could do and see and hear and experience the things that I did. Never. These people…. These people have given me so much, and although I tucked them deep into the folds of my heart for years, I never thought I could truly open up these treasured feelings one day & TRULY support them with my very own eyes & ears & heart. IN person. I am just so so so blessed. So thankful. Really. Always.

Now, it’s time to bring myself to reality & to think about what this means for me going forward. I don’t want to believe in my passion for my music as a phase: Infinite & all things K-pop wasn’t simply a phase for me. It literally was a maturation, a self-realization, a loss of support for the things I never really knew or understood until time started to pass. I don’t think I grew out of K-pop. I think I simply grew with K-pop & got to understand more about it. And with that understanding came a change of heart. Which is literally the title of my post from years ago: “why I fell out of love with K-pop”. It’s not just “Oh, I am older now. So, I don’t want to like this seemingly childish stuff”. No, it was never about K-pop’s image or whatever. I can’t emphasize more, but it always comes down to the music for me.

Infinite has been and is a piece of my life that I will never forget. A piece of my life that has literally brought me to where I am today. I sit here, with my experiences and knowledge and feelings, in part, due to Infinite. I can guarantee anyone that much. And so, no, they really weren’t just a phase. Things change, people grow older, time flows. That’s just how it works. Does my heart ache over old K-pop like every day? Hell yeah it does LOL. But there’s nothing I can do about it. I can only thank old & 2nd-gen K-pop for the amazing memories that it has given me.

And so, with my music and my artists today, is this all a phase? Will I stop being as enthusiastic years later, like I did with Infinite? You see, with Infinite, I was always apprehensive. At the age of 12, I KNEW that time would eventually take its toll & my blatant love would not necessarily transcend the years that will drag on in the future. But that never made my appreciation for them dim: it only grew stronger as the days went by. I think I am always apprehensive. I think I always fear losing the feelings that I feel with great passion & love at this moment in time. Just as Roy says, 영원한 건 없지만. Nothing lasts forever (but...). I literally think about this all the time. It is such an important concept to me, and it is how I motivate myself to be thankful for everything and everyone and to just take things one step at a time. And so, to really answer my question: is this all just a phase?

I really, honestly, hope… No, I just think not. I really do not think so. At the age of say, 24, five years from now, will I still be loving Roy & Sam & DAY6 & Fromm & everyone else? I really honestly hope so. For as long as they can make music, I can keep loving them, right? Just as Infinite has done since I was 11, 8 years ago, up until today, I firmly believe that my artists can continue this long-lasting impression on my life. They instill a sort of magic & sentiment in my life that almost nothing else in this world can do for me. And for that, I will stay grateful for & only hope for the best.

Roy is currently back in school right now, finishing up his last semester before he finally gets to graduate! I am excited and proud and a bit sad all at the same time. But honestly, it really just comes down to the humanness of these people. When I first saw Infinite back in 2013 as a lil 14 year-old, I guess you could say I was starstruck. I was like “that’s them??!?? Those dudes ive spent countless hours watching through the computer screen?????? THEY ARE RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF ME?”. I had similar thoughts at the LA K-pop Festival in Apr. 2014 when I saw many many many of the big, og k-pop groups at that time. It was hard to believe that these people are real. I would say that my experience with the “With Antenna” in LA concert back in Sept. 2017 made me come to this important realization. That was the first concert where I actually spent the entire time sitting down and just listening. Listening to these wonderful musicians playing their instruments & singing gorgeous songs & just absorbing all that godly magic in the air at that place in time.

I really got to feel how human artists are at the end of the day. K-pop is always built up to be this larger-than-life dynamic, but real artists… No, they’re so much more different. They are simply people, like you and me, with a passion for their music & they wish to share that passion with the rest of the world. That’s it. The sincerity & genuineness that goes into my artists’ music can literally be felt from all the way across the world, just through a few audio snippets, fancams, and grainy Instagram videos. And that is seriously so beautiful. They are so amazing at what they do, they truly are.

Roy’s last two songs from 2018 were purely love song ballads, and I am not complaining or anything. As solid and classic as these tracks were, I still miss that acoustic, healing tone from him. Before he left for school again, he mentioned several times that he wants to come back with music that will console listeners. I was honestly so genuinely happy to hear this. He knows, he honestly, really does. He has even said it before, but he knows that his music can literally lift people back up from the dead. He wants to do that for them. For you and me, who struggle in life when the going gets rough, he wants to be of some sort of help, no matter how minuscule. He knows, he really does. And that is just so beautiful. I am so proud of him & I can’t wait to see what he will have in store for us in the coming months (after his grad, that is).

To all my artists that made these 4 months feel like a literal dream: Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Sincerely. Thank you. Always.

늘 고마워요.

[inawickedlittletown]

Walking The Wire (109/?)

Summary: Tony Stark always knew about Peter Parker. He didn’t know that Peter was going to get superpowers and become Spider-Man, but he always knew about Peter because Peter was his son.

This will span from pre-Iron Man up through the rest of the MCU (eventually including Infinity War) and will be for the most part canon compliant except where I’ve taken some liberties and interpreted canon a certain way.

Pairings: Pepper/Tony, Tony/Steve (endgame), Tony/Mary (past)

A/N: If you want me to tag you when I post new chapters let me know. This fic is also on AO3

I used Collider’s MCU timeline to stay canon and the title of this fic is an Imagine Dragons song that is just so fitting for Peter and Tony

@findmeinthestarss

Masterpost

Chapter One Hundred Eight

2018

Ben & Jerry’s came out with a whole bunch of new flavors that were Avengers inspired. Peter found out when Ned texted him and MJ about it in a group text. Later, when he got home from school, he found out that not only were there new flavors, but that Ben & Jerry had gone ahead and sent them at the tower a few pints of each of the new flavors.

“This is amazing,” Peter said when he peered into the freezer. “Did you know this was happening?”

“Despite your metabolism, I don’t expect that eating all of it at once would be wise,” his dad said. “And no, I didn’t.”

“How long do you think they’ve been working on this?” Sam asked. He was leaning against one of the counters and already digging into a pint box of the A Hunka-Hulka-Burning Fudge. “Don’t they take years creating flavors?”

“Not sure. Don’t care,” Tony said and reached into the freezer to pull out Cap-ilicious Triple Berry.  “All I know is that apparently I’m not off dairy and that this is delicious.”

“I would have thought they’d do a more patriotic look to Cap’s ice cream,” Sam said.

Peter reached blindly for one of the containers so he wouldn’t have to make a choice and he saw his dad shrug as he took a bite of the Cap inspired ice cream. Peter had wound up with Stark Raving Hazelnuts which really was not all bad. It was certainly a nice thing to come home to. He took another bite and then took a picture of the ice cream to send to Ned.

“You know, I’m really glad we got a wedding planner,” Tony said as he looked through a few cake design options.

Steve who was in the middle of painting something laughed. “You mean, you’re glad Pepper got us a wedding planner even though this whole thing was supposed to be a small thing because Peter despite his excitement is still just a teenage boy that knows next to nothing about weddings.”

Tony shrugged. “Sure, what you said. But I’m still glad. Anyway, people like parties. And at this rate we just really have to make a few choices and then just show up. We can even leave early if you really want. What are you painting anyway?”

“The view,” Steve said and sure enough he was. Everything outside the window had been transferred to the canvas. It wasn’t exact -- more of an abstract, but that didn’t make it any less beautiful. Tony had never really understood art or even bothered to like it -- but that didn’t mean he didn’t appreciate everything that Steve created.

His art room had filled up with more and more art since Steve had finally focused on his hobby. He wasn’t obsessive, but he spent hours painting away or sketching. It kept him entertained and Tony was happy about it. He liked that Steve had something to do that was all his own. Tony also loved watching him do it -- the concentration that he put into his art was unlike anything else. In another lifetime, it was possible that Steve would have just become some artist that everyone admired.

Tony got up. “I’ll leave you to it. I have a bit of work to finish up in the lab.”

Steve nodded. Tony pressed a kiss to his temple and walked out of the room. He found Sam and Wanda watching some odd cartoon and then spotted Vision in the kitchen.

“Hey, Viz.”

Vision and Wanda spent a lot of time on their own on their floor but it wasn’t odd to find them up in the penthouse some days. What Tony found weird about it was that Vision seemed to be more and more human-like these days. He had started dressing like a regular person a long time ago but now he seemed to not mind changing his appearance to look human. It was a little strange.  

“A letter arrived for you,” Vision said.

“That’s odd,” Tony said. “We usually don’t get any mail sent up here.”

“It is possible someone brought it up and left it in the kitchen for you to find,” Vision said.

“Right,” Tony said but it all still sounded a bit odd.

Vision didn’t respond and he picked up the bowl of popcorn and went to join Wanda and Sam in the living room. The letter was in a manila envelope and Tony figured he’d take it with him, but his mind was already turning to the new designs he’d been working on. Natasha was already out of her house arrest unlike the rest of them and she’d been cleared to rejoin The Avengers officially. It also meant that she was free to do whatever Fury wanted from her and Tony wanted to give her the best gear to do that with.

The heater in the Spider-Man suit was one of the best things ever. It meant that Peter could actually patrol without feeling the brisk cold air. It had snowed a few days earlier and there was gray and dark dirty snow on the edges of most streets. Peter also found that most rooftops were covered and useless to him. But he was still out and about for a few hours.

But it turned out that when it was cold out that there wasn’t a lot of crime to go after. Not a lot of people were out unless they needed to be. Peter did save a woman from slipping on ice.

“Anything going on, Karen? I’m kind of getting bored.”

“Not that I can tell,” Karen said.

“I should have just gone and trained with Steve. I guess it’s a good thing, right, that nothing is happening.”

“I believe so, Peter.”

He swung off of a fire escape and headed towards the tower. Maybe he’d just go and actually work on his homework. There was an essay due in a few days that he should get on top of. His junior year of high school had brought along a ton more work and college was a thing that everyone was starting to get worried about. Tony liked to mention MIT in passing all the time and then May brought it up in her own way too, always hinting at how Peter would need to give up Spider-Man for it and Peter just -- he didn’t want to think about that.

He got back to the tower to find Natasha was back from a mission and sitting in the living room with Sam, Steve, Wanda, and Vision.

“Hey, Peter,” Natasha said. She had a split lip and yet she still smiled at him.

“We left you food in the kitchen,” Steve said. “We also left food for Tony if you want to bring some to him.”

“Cool. Thanks. I will.”

Food turned out to be sub sandwiches so after getting back into his normal clothes, Peter just grabbed both and went to the workshop. He was expecting to find Tony working, but instead his dad was looking at paperwork.

“Hungry?” Peter asked.

His dad turned to look at him. “Oh, you’re home. I -- I must have lost track of time.”

“What are you working on?” Peter asked.

“Nothing. Nothing. Just something that got in the mail today got me a bit distracted.” He waved his hand and the display disappeared. “Anyway, food. How was school today? Patrol?”

“Same. Not much going on.”

Tony nodded. He was oddly distracted. It made Peter worry a little. His dad only tended to get weird when something was happening.

“Did I ever tell you that I can’t actually have kids,” Tony said after they’d sat in silence eating for a while.

“No,” Peter said, not sure where the conversation was going. “I mean, maybe. I kind of think I knew that already.”

Tony nodded. “I -- it was to do with the arc reactor. Anyway, there was a time when I didn’t think that I would ever meet you or that it would make a difference because you were growing so fast and I never needed my parents when I was your age -- well, I probably did but I didn’t really have them. I guess that’s what makes more sense.”

“What are you getting at?” Peter asked. He was so confused.

Tony sighed and he wiped his mouth with a napkin and then he got up and grabbed a few sheets of paper. “A while back I applied to adopt. Sort of on a whim. Sort of because I really wanted to be a dad since at the time I couldn’t really be yours. I thought I’d never get to meet you. It takes time to adopt and I had forgotten about it just because of everything that happened. Actually -- I don’t remember if I told Steve about it. Thing is, nothing came of it and then I met you.”

Peter remembered a conversation about his dad possibly wanting other kids and how much Peter just -- he didn’t know how to feel about it. He hadn’t really let himself think about any of it especially since Tony had said he wasn’t sure if anything might happen.

“But why are you -- what’s that paper?” Peter motioned to the papers that Tony was holding.

“They want to know if I’m still interested,” Tony said.

“Oh,” Peter said.

Tony let out a breath. “I don’t think this is the right time,” Tony said. “Not for any of us.”

“Oh,” Peter said again and it was as if he didn’t know how to say anything else. He just -- he didn’t know if his dad wanted his opinion or if he was just telling Peter about it to tell him. Peter was also quite sure that he didn’t know how to feel.

It was getting closer to the end of the school year when a school trip was announced and Peter was dismayed to hear that it was a tour of SI. MJ cackled and laughed for a solid minute once she found out and just wouldn’t let it go all throughout lunch and then later when they were walking out of Midtown. Ned on the other hand seemed as excited as everyone else. The trip wasn’t for another few weeks, but Peter was already dreading it. He just knew that it wasn’t going to go well. He had kept the fact that he was living at the tower a secret from everyone including Ned and Michelle for over a year and this was going to be thing that finally revealed that to them -- he could just feel it.

“Aha, so we finally get to find out that Penis Parker has been lying about that internship all this time,” Flash said when he walked past them.

Peter rolled his eyes.

“Or prove Flash wrong,” Ned said. “This is actually really awesome. Do you think any of the Avengers will show up?”

Peter shook his head. “It’s not a trip to the living floors. Just the labs and SI. They don’t usually go down there.”

“But wouldn’t it be awesome if Flash saw you talking to them and they ignored him.”

Peter settled him with a look. “That’s not going to happen, Ned.”

When he got back home, he almost hesitated to mention the whole thing. He was going to have to get May to sign the permission slip since she was still his guardian, but if Peter was going to go -- and he really couldn’t not without giving ammunition to Flash to make fun of him with -- he was going to have to make sure that he did appear to be an intern at SI. Peter couldn’t remember the last time he had gone down to those floors of the building. He assumed that the trip was going to be geared towards the R&D rooms. Maybe he could get Pepper to help him out with making his story seem legitimate.

He ran into Steve as he was getting out of the elevator.

“Hey, Peter,” Steve said. “Not patrolling today?”

“I might go out later,” Peter said and followed Steve to the kitchen where Sam was in the middle of taking cookies out of the oven.

“Well we were planning on a movie if you want to join,” Sam said.

“Yeah, I will,” Peter said. It offered for the perfect distraction. He would figure out what he was going to do about the trip later.

Chapter One Hundred Ten

[hopesanpedro]

Createurs - We Exist

I have the pleasure of being in the presence of talented and passionate artists and musicians most of the time and it’s, for me, is one of the best things in my life. Friends, I call these people.

Last Saturday, one of the bands I looked out for in the past years launched their first album – We Exist. Createurs, which is apparently the French word of creators which is already so beautiful when you think about it in itself, is a collaborative band telling the stories of the monsters not just under our beds but also the ones inside our heads, even the ones that are chasing us, through the music of different people. They have also collaborated with different visual artists for each of their song and those artworks were also featured in the lyrics booklet with their CD.

We Exist album has 12 well-written tracks that speaks of the eerie, the enchanting, the damned, and the mystery of the entirety of life. Yes, life.

Now, I’m not going to pretend like I’m some music expert and give you guys a review of their album. I am, however, going to share with you my thoughts on each and favorite lyrics from the tracks in it.

1. Pancake (Re)Mix

This one’s a little too close to my heart. Remember the artworks I’ve mentioned earlier? I made one for them and it was for this song. I think this is the most outright cheesy song they have in their album. But even so, it wasn’t the corny kind. I described this one as “colorful” when I first heard it. It’s exactly the reason why I was careful on putting too much color in the artwork, I didn’t want to take the colors from the song – I wanted it to be as serene and innocent as the song.

“Flying with time just to witness your smile. And I, oh I’m falling down tonight”

We all know the feeling of being all chummy giddy soft inside like we swallowed a whole damn litter of puppies and they won’t stop making you melt from the inside and that’s what this song makes you feel like – kilig. Oh young, new, love.

2. Tides and Lifelines

Okay, just reading the title you’d get an idea of what this song is about. This song reminds me of a lyric from one of my most favorite band ever ever; “love is watching someone die”. (fine it’s from What Sarah Said by Death Cab For Cutie). I think this is one of the songs Createurs wrote and it speaks about mortality and how we deal with it.

“We’re the bullet in each other’s gun, shoot the angels that would take us apart”

Just read those lines. I don’t want to even think how hard it is to be so desperate and helpless in trying to help someone so dear in the brink of death. Ouch, I’m just gonna go and cry for a while.

3. Teragram Carnivale

“Shadows fall on rooms like this, where the sun and the moon collide, with your eyes that once were my carousel rides”

I feel like we all can relate to this song in some way. It has to be relevant to every one of us at some point in our lives. We all wanted to believe in something that has grew its root around our hearts and got a little too caught up in the roller coaster rides. I think this song brings you back to that particular time to make you realize that the past never changes and they never go away. Definitely in my top 3.

4. Facemask

I think I’ve played this song one too many times when they uploaded this on spotify before. Mostly because of its catchiness and its angst. Lol sorry I know, I can’t think of a better way to describe it. You can actually feel the song’s anger and disappointment wrapped in some sort of vengeful feeling.

I liked the lines “You’re only fooling yourself, messing everyone’s head.  A catfish, a sly dish, the culprit, gets blown kiss”

In this digital era, anything and everything can be edited or lied about and it gets sickening when someone or a group of people manipulate others by lying to them about important things.  Technology is a beautiful thing if used for good, but there is some greed in humanity that uses it for something else entirely.

5. Trigger Warning

“It’s the beginning and it’s the end. When all the light has been set, a warning when night is at best.”

I feel like this song was supposed to be in the beginning? It would have been nice to have heard this intro to all their haunting songs, both in a good and eerie way. It’s like the ones you hear when you watch a horror movie that gives you chicken skin and cool fog kinda vibes. It’s a mood setter, a look into the mirror of our own self. It asks you to look inside and acknowledge that you are one of these monsters you are so scared of.

6. The Curious Life of Mr. Hyde II: The Mexicat

This song is still in my everyday playlist. It’s been there since I’ve met Rain the night they played for WAT Up the first time and I got sucked into their music. Oh god I have so many favorite lines from this song!! It’s about mental issues and it perfectly sings the chaos that is in one’s head. They wrote this to try and explain how complicated it is to be in the state of unstable mental health in a very poetic way.

Here are my top 3 lines (YESS BECAUSE I CANT CHOOSE OKAY?? ☹ ); “The colorful imagery of dancing audacity”, “Conversing with my demons, addicted to the tone”, “I haven’t got a martini or any kind of whiskey, But baby you’re my margarita, drunk in love with you”.

Welp. Let’s just say I love the entire lyrics ugh

7. Pianocktail

OH THIS! I love this one. This reminds me of my other favoritest band forever – Panic! At The Disco. The story within and the sophistication in this one is something that’s imprinted into my fanatic heart (awow).

“The taste has never been this condescending. A drink to be made by the one and only pianocktail!”

Ah, there’s nothing more tripping than an uncertainty for something you’ve had for so long.

8. Chat Box From Alaska

“She’s a part-time lover and a beautiful liar, plagued with her broken words and empty promises. Cornered by the pillars of her comfort and embrace, making out with someone better, someone smoother, someone tastier”

I feel like this song is basically for fuck girls who manipulates people for sex by leading people on and leaving them just as fast. I think the last part of this song was written by Rain as a poem years and years ago? Nevertheless, it ended the song so smoothly.

9. Awful Things the Moon Saw

This song makes me think of obsessive lovers or past ones that refuses to let it go. Maybe it’s also us when we hold on a little too tight on something that’s already slipping away.

“Well you know you’ve got me haunted by your scent, Now I find myself begging and falling for you more and more.”

It is also kind of a lullaby to me for some reason, I can sleep soundly with this one playing hehe

10. St. Cecille

This one’s also in my playlist since I’ve first heard it. I think I read the story behind (or at least heavily connected) this song, written by the vocalist. He has a lot of passion, idk ask him. JK!!!!

"Rhyme our thoughts in this waltzing dreams. Time stops when you are around. You’re the one I’ve been talking about on the song of roads and hearts”

I wish I can share with you guys the link to the story but I’m not sure if he’d like that. Anyway, this love song is right up my alley – mysterious, magic, and love? Hell yas.

11. Bloodstream

All I can say about this is that I am so excited for the story to come out because I want to look more into it. Twilight’s werewolves just left the building.

“Chaotic, poetic, and overly narcissistic. Hypnotic, agnostic, but slightly optimistic. Out of the forest to Manila fucking buses. It’s a tale about a man who waltzed among carcasses.”

It’s a midnight story!

12. Stellar Memories

The first song, besides the ones I’ve already heard before of course, that caught my attention in the album was this one. It’s a desperate attempt to preserve something we believe in and wish for its memories to last up to our end.

“Set up the fire and let’s dance around the house. Then watch it burn down like the dreams we fought so hard to get. If this is it, hope higher, ‘cause we’ll hide from the world and never make a….”

I feel like this is the best song to end the album with because I didn’t want it to end and I just kept it on loop for all its entirety because I liked each song.

I’ve already wrote a (lengthy) Instagram post about their well thought branding and packaging but I also want to commend them for the bomb line up and organized launch! Page Four Production reminded me so much of the first gigs of WAT UP and made me miss the team. From promotions to media exposures, to the materials! I look forward to attending gigs they’d come up with!

I won’t ask for more releases so soon because I want to savor this album and all its stories. I’ve already heard the Part I of Mr. Hyde and it’s Createurs’ gift to everyone who attended their launch so if you are curious, wait for the next album maybe it’d be included there.

This album will always have a special place in my heart. It’s definitely worth the long wait. Congrats, Createurs!

Listen to them on Spotify and follow them on their social media pages to be updated!

[vkinkantation]

ok so imma just answer all of these except for 10, 20, 30, 40, and 50 bc those are variable

answers under the cut!

1. i do not have a lighter

2. i guess pepsi box blue?

3. as long as there's no sauce

4. very often

5. yes

6. that tends to vary

7. yes! but i can only swim underwater, i cant seem to keep myself above water very long

8. if juice counts as water, then i've had at least 4 glasses (plus a bowl of cereal so that adds the milk)

9. i guess cotton candy? never had funnel cake so

11. if we're talking about playing instruments, i'm definitely going for bass, especially if it's bass violin

12. i havent watched many tv commercials so idk

13. sure! as long as you're not like. a bigot or anything.

14. i love going outside early morning to watch the sunrise :>

15. one time when i was in kindergarten, i took the bus home even though i shouldve gone to aftercare since my mom was at the doctors. arrived to the bus stop, got off the bus, no one was there. i figured that hey, maybe they're at the other house! so i walked my little kindergarten girl ass over to the other house. well i WOULD have, had i not took a wrong turn and ended up slightly lost. i actually got "saved" by a cop car that drove up, pulled over, the two cops came up and asked me where i was going, i told them i was trying to head back home but i thought i'd gotten a little lost. told them the address and they got me in the car and drove me back to home. and because of that, the school i was at now requires that all pre-k/kindergarten students wear purple uniform shirts and cannot get off the bus unless there's an adult there to pick them up

16. i... do not watch netflix

17. my earliest obsession? when i was very VERY young, i loved to watch the weather channel, and my dad actually calls me the weather witch because of that

18. i play a few! dragon city, mitrasphere, skullgirls, masketeers, alice legends, and one piece treasure cruise. i used to play sweet sins superstars but i kinda lost interest in it

19. zombies over vampires. theyre not realistically possible, but god i love the idea of the dead rising to attack the living!!!

21. surprisingly, i never had a celebrity crush

22. i have a collection of various stones from a rockfinding kit!

23. insane, imaginative, neurodivergent, cat-loving artist

24. i have learned many things about myself this past year. the two most notable ones are that i am neurodivergent and that i actually enjoy my alone time!

25. what does that even mean

26. well of course i believe they're real! i definitely don't think i'll ever meet one myself, and i have a feeling that they don't look like our stereotypes of aliens, but never in the lifespan of the entire universe have we been alone!

27: uhhhhhh

28. it's probably not super out there, but i really like leeandlie's english cover of both the pmmm opening and pmmm ending songs! i dont think i listen to any really unusual songs tbh

29. pretzel sticks :>

31. indeed i have! the most recent occurrence was about 3 years ago, when my best friend's poodle (the doggo's name is riley) jumped up at me, mouth open, and bit me right in the ass! didnt cause any serious damage tho, thankfully

32. my handwriting is shitty whether i use pen or pencil

33. the pmmm opening has been stuck in my head ever since i first heard it. same with calamari inkantation.

34. i think of being burrito'd in blankets on a very cold night as a friend feeds me marshmallows bc my hands are within the blanket burrito

35. im pretty good with science and math! im not a huge fan of math tho, not enough of a challenge for adhd brain :(

36. none. literally none.

37. i only go shopping in general if i absolutely HAVE to. i HATE shopping with a PASSION. mainly because if i go shopping with my mom, she takes f o r e v e r . when i shop, i get what i need and i leave.

38. vk is my internet handle and the name of my sona. originally my sona's name was vera komeya, but eventually it was changed to vk and no it does not stand for vera komeya. the inkantation part is a reference to calamari inkantation, aka a song that i still love even like 3 years after composing my internet handle.

39. the wise words i live by are those of mewtwo from the first pokemon movie, meowth from the same movie, and madoka from pmmm. in order:

"i see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. it is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are."

"we do share a lot in common. the same earth, the same air, the same sky. maybe if we started looking at what's the same instead of always looking at what's different... well, who knows?"

"there're awful, horrible things in this world, i know that now. but there're a lot of things worth protecting too."

41. i have never listened to anything by the beatles. sorry.

42. i make do with speaker usually, but during car rides i use headphones

43. not much tbh. i do remember some stuff tho.

44. i like collecting songs if that makes any sense!

45. earl gray tea, with a spoonful of sugar and enough milk that it's sort of a light caramel-y color

46. i actually cant think of any christmas songs i tolerate, much less like

47. i... really dont go to either...

48. not too weird!

49: i love the smell of strawberry icecream and cookies! subtler flowery scents are nice too :>

weird asks because i’m bored

if you have a lighter, what color is it?

pepsi box blue or cheetos bag orange?

do you like pasta?

how often are you on tumblr?

are you only doing this because you’re bored?

what blogs do you mostly interact with?

can you swim?

have you had water today?

which do you prefer, cotton candy or funnel cake?

have you ever [insert question]?

bass or drums?

favorite tv commercial?

can we be friends?

do you admire the clouds and color of the sky?

what’s the weirdest thing that’s happened to you?

a netflix series that’s your favorite?

an earliest obsession you remember?

do you play video games?

zombies or vampires?

have you listened to [insert musician/band]?

your first celebrity crush?

do you have a collection of cool rocks?

five words that describe you?

what have you learned about yourself?

can you tie a cherry stem with your tongue?

do you believe in aliens?

books or films?

an unusual song that’s your favorite?

the last thing you ate?

do you have a favorite [insert question]?

have you gotten bit by a dog?

do you write better with a pen or a pencil?

a song that gets stuck in your head?

when you hear “ peace ” what do you think of?

a school subject your good with?

how many alarms do you have set?

do you shop at thrift stores?

what’s the meaning behind your url?

is there wise words you live by?

what’s your favorite [insert question]?

you gotta have a favorite beatles song, what is it?

earphones or a speaker?

what do you remember from your childhood?

do you collect anything?

favorite tea?

a christmas song you secretly like?

book stores or record stores?

how weird were these questions?

what scents do you like?

is there [insert question]?

send me some!

[caitie-lou98]

Wedding Planning - Week Seven

Wednesday 20th December, 191 Days till ‘I Do’

Currently feeling like week seven is incredibly inaccurate and that its more realistically week ten but my blogs haven't been that frequent... oops! Firstly want to apologise for the lack of a post last week, I was having a pretty rubbish week and didn't have a lot to say, plus I had an interview on the Thursday so spent the Wednesday evening relaxing and trying to prepare. But I am back now and it is less than 200 days to go and wow does that not feel like a lot of time. Back in October, 11 months to plan a wedding seemed like waaaay too long so we moved it forward... now we are six months away and I am thinking oh my life there is still so much to do and so much to plan how on earth are we ever going to get it all done!?! 

In case you were living under a rock, AKA anywhere in South Wales you wouldn't have experienced any troubles with Snow... in Birmingham however it was an extremely different story and this couldn't have caused more problems if it tried. Two weeks ago my engagement ring broke and I was absolutely devastated... so we had to take it to the jewellers, which was in Birmingham Jewellery Quarter (the best place to go if you are looking for an engagement/wedding ring - we specifically went to Warstone Jewellers). Normally they would have done it there and then and I would have had my ring back within a few hours or at very least the next day, but because of the snow their technician was stuck in Gloucester and couldn't get to work until the Tuesday after I had already gone home. This is what we woke up to on Sunday morning, so not only was my ring not being fixed but I certainly wasn't getting home that night!

Luckily the ring has now been fixed and was completely ready to be picked up, but of course that would have been too easy right?! So Kurtis was supposed to be picking it up on Friday before coming down for the weekend so I could have it back, however due to working stoooopidly late he didn't get a chance to pick it up. I have been left ringless for three whole weeks now and I am missing it like mad. Isn't it strange how you can go from never wearing any jewellery and not really liking wearing jewellery to missing a ring on your finger after just a few months of wearing it? Either way I get my ring back on Friday and I am super excited to have it back. 

We have finally had confirmation from our venue that the booking is secured and we have sorted our deposits so thats one thing not to worry about... just trying to sort out budgeting the right amount to save each month for each thing which is surprisingly not as daunting as I had originally thought it would be. We also finally decided on a cake and the design, flavours etc... which again is exciting. 

The most exciting part for me is actually believe it or not making the decision to do my own makeup on the big day... so the past two weeks I have been compiling a list of the various items I will need and how much they cost, where they can be bought from and the shades etc needed. For people who don't really enjoy doing makeup this sounds like their worst nightmare but I LOVE spending time on my makeup and watching beauty gurus on youtube etc... I have been bingewatching wedding makeup tutorials and looking for tips on what products work well together for a face that will look natural(ish) and last all day, so if any of you makeup lovers have any tips or tricks please do share them with me as I am genuinely interested and open to any suggestions currently. I by pure luck/chance met a makeup artist for Bobbi Brown on my train home from work the other night after a particularly rubbish day and was so very pleased when she looked through the list of different products I had compiled and reassured me that the list was good and should work okay. She did have a few suggestions like instead of a contour maybe try a colour matched bronzer, and that if you are planning on getting a spray tan for the big day make sure you get one months in advance as well so you can colour match your foundation as well as possible to how your face will look on the day so as to not have any harsh lines or orange tones. Really don't fancy looking like an Oompa Loompa in all my wedding photos yanno!? 

That being said the artist that I met had one main tip really and it was to practice and try to avoid anything too adventurous on the day because you want to feel yourself on the day and I couldn't have agreed more. The list is hella expensive though so I think I am going to start off practising with makeup I already have and just trying to achieve something similar to the style that I want to have on the day and then when I have saved up a bit of money to pay for the products I will be doing a Debenhams/House of Fraser/Selfridges/John Lewis haul and my debit card will be feeling the pain that day.... I CANT WAIT :D.

Thats all that has really happened this week, with the end of the year coming up and a lot of things being booked snd deposits having been paid it kind of feels like we can sit back, relax and enjoy the holidays as we have lots going on and travelling between Birmingham and Cardiff since I don't have time off work and Kurtis does. Planning on going fabric shopping before the end of January so that dress making can commence, but that isn't really something I will be able to update on because I don't want to give any spoilers away. 

I was really really poorly this weekend just gone and my lovely lovely Fiancé put together my new desk because my makeup obsession and collection was weighing down the drawer bottom in the old desk to breaking point (lol oops). Was a lot of fun sorting through my makeup drawer and organising it into three new drawers and deciding on some stuff to throw away which I no longer use/need.... I did however find a highlighter from Primark of all places that I had forgotten about and it is absolutely gorgeous.. Shall be making far more use of that one in the days to come. 

Due to being ill and stuff we haven’t really done anything selfie worthy... so here are some pictures of my now organised makeup drawers and the list of products I plan on using for my makeup on the big day. Hopefully next weeks blog will be more interesting and less about makeup, because I realise that most people aren't interested in my excessive makeup addiction. 

Thank you all for reading, 

Cait x 

[uniformbravo]

time for... a story

back in 9th grade art class i had this painting assignment & i decided to do fanart for a fic i was obsessed w/ at the time and this painting was coming out so good i was literally so proud of it, i didn’t finish it in time for the due date but i took it home to finish it on my own bc i just loved it that much

my room was incredibly messy at the time, i would have these giant piles of papers & notebooks n shit all over my bed and the floor surrounding, and that’s where this painting went. which was completely fine with me because i’m an “organized mess” kind of person (i literally still remember years later exactly where the painting was in that particular mess) but my mom is distinctly the opposite so she made me clean the whole disaster eventually, and i somehow lost track of the painting

several months and multiple fruitless searches later i resigned myself to the fact that i’d probably accidentally thrown it out in my big cleanup and would never see it again (though i was still intensely confused about how i managed to lose it because i literally just had no memory of moving it, it just. straight up disappeared)

years have passed since then and every now and again i remember that painting and feel regretfully wistful (and still very confused) and wonder what happened to it and wish i could see it just one more time, because at this point i only really have a vague recollection of what was on it- a composition divided into quadrants illustrating different parts of the fic i was basing it on, a torn piece of lined paper in the center (because the fic’s title was “lined paper”), and in the top right corner this tree that i was super proud of, i remember thinking it was the best tree i’d drawn in my entire life

so honestly whenever i remember this painting i mostly think of that tree and my strong feelings towards it and that’s the main thing i’m curious about, wanting to see that damn tree again to find out what was so special about it, because like. i’m a better artist now, i’ve improved so much, if i saw it again it probably wouldn’t even be that good, right? but i think this tree in particular was the first one that i was like “hell yeah” about and influenced the way i’ve drawn trees ever since then, so like it’s a big deal right. i really miss this tree

the last time i thought about it (before right now, i mean) was actually earlier this week, on my way home from my painting class? usually painting in general reminds me of this painting because the last time i actually painted with, like, acrylics was in high school for this class, so i just have that strong association built in, so when i think of painting i think of the painting so i was thinking about that on my way home from class and feeling the regret that comes with it like man if only i could just see it again, what even happened to it, etc. etc.

anyway, my sister is working on a drawing right now, she says she suddenly got struck with inspiration and wants to hold onto it for as long as possible to finish this piece she’s working on (which is honestly very pretty, it’s a sunset scene and the colors are so soft and vibrant)

she started it the other day, and she wanted to work with colored pencils, but she couldn’t find the big box of colored pencils that we keep around for people to use, so instead she went and got out this, like... one of those big ol’ art boxes that have a myriad of random supplies like colored pencils & oil pastels & shit like that?? we’ve had this one literally forever and it’s just kind of been sitting around for most of that time, but it’s finally gotten some use because our colored pencil shoebox happens to be mia atm

this morning i noticed a notebook on the floor by the couch (my sister’s workspace) with some, like, papers sticking out? and on top of the notebook is some mail addressed to my sister, and i don’t recognize this sketchbook at all, so obviously it’s hers. from what i’ve seen in the past, her art style is is pretty... eccentric? is that the right word? lemme google this

ok that sounds meaner than i meant ghhdg uhh idk, the best way i can think of to explain it is that her people look like they’d work really well as illustrations for scary stories? there’s something almost creepy or unsettling about them, but in a good way, like i’m pretty sure she’s doing it on purpose

anyway, i bring it up because there’s this drawing sticking out of the notebook and it looks like her style because there’s this creepy-lookin dude that totally matches her types of drawings so im like “cool” and go back to what im doing

then, later, i happen to look at it again, and fuckin..... it’s the top of the page that’s sticking out. and there’s this..... tree. in the top right corner. and im like

Huh

so i pull out the drawing, which actually turns out to be a half-finished painting, and sure e-fuckin-nough it is The painting

needless to say i was losing my shit on this fine sunday morning like goddamn i haven’t seen this thing in like 7 years i thought it was gone forever and that i’d never see it again i mourned this painting so many times and here it is, literally holding it in my hands, back from the fucking dead like a zombie (which is thematically appropriate because “lined paper” was a horror story)

like, that’s why i thought it was my sister’s drawing? because it was creepy-lookin? i didn’t even recognize my own style smh. on the back there’s a little color key and i had forgotten about this but the reason it was divided into four sections was because the assignment was color harmonies! we were supposed to paint a single image but in each quadrant use different colors for different harmonies, like complementary, triadic, cool, and some other shit that im too lazy to look at but u get the picture

so after i got over being reunited with my fuckin long-lost painting i had to wonder why my sister had it, right. back in the day she used to steal our stuff, like all the time? she doesn’t do it anymore so we’re cool lol dw but like since this was so long ago i wondered if maybe she had taken it back then & just forgotten about it?

so i asked her abt it when she got home (i had to wait a few hours but honestly?? whats a few hours to several years) and she said the notebook was fuckin.... in the art box. just like. in there. this entire time it was in this goddamn shitty art supply box that nobody ever uses bc we have better art supplies around and the only reason it got pulled out of its cobweb-ridden corner of the house was because said superior art supplies were missing. so if my sister had been able to find the colored pencils i never would have found this fucking painting, we probably would have just eventually donated the box w/o checking inside & someone somewhere out there would’ve gotten this extra half-finished creepy fuckin painting w/ my name written in huge letters across the back in their new box of art supplies oh god

anyway i wasn’t gonna do this but i’d feel bad if i didn’t include a picture of the damn thing at this point so here it is

warnings for blood, gore, implied suicide imagery, & general spooky horror story type stuff

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i drew this 7 yrs ago dont judge ok

the fic itself has long since been deleted from ffn (rip) but from what i remember: it was a south park fic & focused on slenderman? i was completely new to horror & had never heard of slenderman before so the story rly spooked me lol he would like show up through any reflective surface so i was scared of mirrors for a while

i wish i could remember the significance of all the shit i included here lol i mean we got slendy in there a couple times, that much is obvious... i don’t even know what the tree is supposed to mean it’s just some random tree at this point

im p sure that’s stan & kyle in the bottom right, and that’s probably stan again in the top left? he’s like bleeding kenny’s initials tho idk why that’s happening (those are kenny’s initials right. kenneth james or smth). that’s gotta be tweek in the mirror at top middle just look at his shirt, and as for bottom left uhhh i think that’s craig?? i actually specifically remember that chapter, something about a baseball game & craig was pissed off and went off to the bathroom alone & then black tentacles happened, so that’s what’s happening in the drawing

anyway. aaanyway. that’s a fuckin mystery solved now, right. i cant believe it was in that dumbass case the whole time i stg??? thank u for listening 2 my story i spent too long on it & now it’s 2:45 am bye

[grlatarockshow]

*  DISCLAIMER: at this point we have spoken to neither party involved with this case, and are merely reporting from publicly available references. As always, we remain unbiased. We will attempt to get in contact with both parties for direct statements. Never believe everything you read on the internet. *

A Brisbane-based rapper called Zheani Sparkes has released a track called The Question on YouTube, accusing Die Antwoord‘s Ninja of rape, pedophilia and distributing explicit images, and naming his bandmate Yo-landi Visser as an accomplice, grooming her online before bringing her to South Africa.

This is a difficult story to get one’s head around.

Yo-landi posted the following to her Instagram a week ago – this was the first we had heard of the accusations:

View this post on Instagram

CLOUT CHASER part 1 It has come to my attention that a DA fan girl called ZHEANI has accused me of some really horrible things. I dont usually respond to these things as people say shit abt me all the time. But this time she has attacked my family including my daughter. Me and ninja broke up in 2013- I started seeing someone else. And Ninja had a bunch of girlfriends at the time. One of them was a fangirl from Australia called Zheani, who Ninja invited to south africa to visit him. She accepted the invite and came to visit shortly after. i think she stayed in SA a total of 4 days or something… (might of been bit longer.. cant remember) i only saw them once during her visit. As you can imagine it was a lil awkward cos our break up was still kinda fresh. I bumped into Ninja and this girl and she asked me for a foto. My first impression of her was she seemed like an obsessive DA fan girl – her hair was cut exactly like mine but she also seemed sweet. Ninja told me aside that after meeting her in person, he didnt really have chemistry with her. Shortly after this he cut the trip short an she returned to Australia. But Ninja felt bad because he said she was a nice person. And they stayed friends on txt. A year or so later (cant remember exact dates) we played at the Big Day out Festival in Australia. Zheani hit us up and asked us if she could help us get Vegan food on tour. We said yes as i thought that was a cool idea. So our management hired her as a PA for our crew. She brought me vegan food every morning on tour – she was really sweet and knew her food well. But when we were backstage i did notice she was trying very hard to hit on 2CHAINZ the rapper who was touring with us. she gave him her number 10 seconds after meeting him and kept hitting on him and his crew the whole time. I thought this was kind of lame – but not a big deal. Anyway the tour ended and the last time i saw this girl she brought me a vegan burger in my hotel room. I said good bye, gave her a a hug and I never heard from her again. ninja told me he stopped speaking to her after the tour because he said she was irritating. (tbc see nxt post)

A post shared by ¥O-LANDI VI$$ER (@prawn_star) on Mar 11, 2019 at 3:13am PDT

View this post on Instagram

CLOUT CHASER prt2 5 years later this fan girl Zheani comes out with an insane story saying she was ‘trafficked out’ to africa by me 😂 (trafficking involes kidnapping btw). She also said i tortured her and put her in a satanic ritual🤪. (just for the record me and ninja are Buddhists, we practise yoga, meditate and are vegetarian. Yes our music and videos are crazy as we are Surreal Artists) this girl is ticking all the boxes of a Crazy Person here. She said ninja dated her cus she looks like my daughter ❓❓❓I mean… WTF??? i know during the 4 days ninja “dated” her, they took a nude selfie together that Zheani sent to Ninja afterwards. Ninja never posted this foto. He’s had so many girlfriends ever since and Zheani was long gone and deleted. this was 5 or 6 years ago and now she comes creeping out the woodwork, with this mental story she’s made up in her head to try launch a music career. This is a typical case of Clout Chasing (google that shit) plz let this be a lesson to y’all. Be careful who you let into your space, escially IG thots . love all but trust no one!!! Women are very powerful. But women who get dumped can turn sour and sour and more sour. It is dangerous when they start making up lies and believing their own bullshit to get back at whoever dumped them. Dont abuse your power girls. “You can fool some people sometimes, but you cant fool all the people all the time” -Bob Marley This is the last time I’m mentioning this girl. I wish her good luck with music, but it would have been stronger to set her career off with good energy, instead of shooting herself in the foot. Anyway, back to reality. Love you all xx ¥

A post shared by ¥O-LANDI VI$$ER (@prawn_star) on Mar 11, 2019 at 3:16am PDT

Here’s what we do know: Die Antwoord/Yo-landi did have images of Zheani on their social media accounts when this all allegedly went down in 2013. One commenter on Zheani’s Instagram said: “Just casually seeing you on DIE ANTWOORD’S Facebook page omg!!!🙀🙀🙀” You can see the post they commented on here. From the looks of it, though, all traces of the posts (and Zheani) have been removed from Die Antwoord’s social media accounts.

Okay, so that’s a bit weird. But understandable given the current situation.

Zheani posted the following to her Instagram in 2013, evidently right before she got on the plane to South Africa:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by ᴢʜᴇᴀɴɪ (@askulloffoxes) on Aug 15, 2013 at 11:46pm PDT

She doesn’t look like she was in any way coerced to get on the plane. But, she was a fan, had been contacted by the band on social media (we’ve seen screen shots that place the initial contact from Yo-Landi on Instagram) and had been flirting with Ninja online. Any fan would be excited by having flights and passports organised by a band they look up to – right?

Okay – so what happened?

We’re going to use screenshots from The Question (so titled because Die Antwoord means ‘The Answer’) to help explain this one.

‘Watkin’ refers to Ninja’s real name – Watkin Tudor Jones.

According to the video, here’s some of the conversation between Zheani and Ninja ahead of her trip:

Whilst in South Africa, Zheani was tattooed by Ninja, in a traditional stick and poke style, with ‘Stoner’ and ‘Witch’ inside her elbows:

View this post on Instagram

$✝☯N€R ✡ WI✝∁H

A post shared by ᴢʜᴇᴀɴɪ (@askulloffoxes) on Aug 24, 2013 at 4:44am PDT

Ninja had referred to Zheani as his ‘stoner witch’ in previous communication:

Ninja later referred to the tattoos as a ‘spell’ he had cast on her:

It definitely appears that the band were following Zheani’s socials. About a year after returning from South Africa and having no contact with the band, Zheani was flown to New York to model with Cara Delevingne. Then, this happened:

Yo-landi alluded in her Instagram post to ‘nude selfies’ taken by Ninja and Zheani (who, by the way, was 20 when all of this happened) – in the clip she shows screenshots of emails between Ninja and District 9 actor Sharlto Copely, whom Ninja met on the Johannesburg film set for Chappie:

This email exchange appears to back up tabloid claims from 2014 (as published in full here): “It is claimed by two sources that Ninja sent explicit photos – in the act of having fellatio performed on himself – to at least one female member of the set. Several sources say he hit on female cast and crew, even in front of his partner Yo-landi. He invited them to Cape Town “telling them they would get a hotel room and hire prostitutes to join them”, said a source.”

Yo-landi also said she only met Zheani in passing, taking a selfie together which could be this one posted on Zheani’s Instagram page:

View this post on Instagram

real bad idea 2 fuk wif us.. @prawn_star ☽☯☾

A post shared by ᴢʜᴇᴀɴɪ (@askulloffoxes) on Aug 30, 2013 at 10:28pm PDT

However, Yo-landi was following and commenting on Zheani’s Instagram account before Die Antwoord was in contact with her – and there’s screen shots:

Yo-landi followed up with an email:

It’s also alleged Ninja wrote the songs Sex and Ugly Boy about Zheani. Zheani posts, among others, these screenshots in her video – apparently imposed over video featuring handwritten notes/lyrics:

There is plenty more to this story. And, obviously, there are two sides. We aren’t saying Zheani has fabricated anything to kick start her career, nor are we saying the allegations against Ninja or Yo-landi are true. The fact is we just don’t know, at this stage. A source close to Zheani, who knew her around the 2013/14 period when she went to South Africa and worked with Die Antwoord as a PA on their Big Day Out appearances (something confirmed by Yo-landi in her Instagram post) has told Girl the allegations have been brought forward after hearing rumours of the band being booked to perform at this year’s Splendour In The Grass festival. There is nothing (that we can find) to back up this rumoured booking.

We’ll keep you in the loop as this story develops. In the meantime, you can watch Zheani’s video here:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JY6hCE2D-cc#dialog

Aussie Rapper Zheani Sparkes Accuses Die Antwoord of Sex Trafficking & Rape, Releases Video of ‘Evidence’ * DISCLAIMER: at this point we have spoken to neither party involved with this case, and are merely reporting from publicly available references.

[pi-romantic-artdump]

6/26/17

ok ok ok i think i designed everyone. idk how. still don’t have names for most of them but i’m working on it..... im working on it

edit: i cant believe i didn’t make any of them memelords. kate is ur character a memelord if not i will make it one of the kids i think

edit 2: fixed caphag’s symbol

edit 3: ACTUALLY fixed caphag’s symbol i chose the wrong picture ugh

ummmm yeah the blue guy kinda looks like a mishmash of the striders and er*dan, i know, i think part of his character arc is that he has a lot more self-esteem issues than he lets on and mimics the qualities of the strider bros that he finds ‘cool’ because he doesn’t know how to just be himself (the irony, given how they really were....). hence the alt hairstyle. later on he starts putting his hair in a ponytail zuko style, when he’s trying to figure out who he is. im thinking that he could be the constellation corvus (raven), partially because idk ravens are cool, and partially as a reference to poe’s story, because this guy wants to write deep stuff. he kinda sucks tho

he will correct your grammar, even though he doesn’t always have flawless grammar himself and/or it’s part of your typing quirk. everyone lowkey hates him for it but know he’s taking out frustrations on pointless stuff so they don’t get too mad

if i go with the raven constellation i’ll probably make him and cygnia foils? brainstorming here:

he and cygnia are the two trolls who most look up to some of the creators of their universe (dave and rose, respectively), but don’t really know much about who they really are (since they disappeared centuries ago). they’re both kinda pretentious and think they know better than others

girl on the far left is a gamer, she acts laid-back but is competitive as fuck she is in this game to win it, despite it not even having a real prize. practiced with both strategy and actual fighting, but will default to the latter in a crisis. yeah i could see her being a player of rage or doom tbh, but i need to think about it more

cygnia loves puzzles, history, and the intersection of those things is what the fuck happened during the game session which created this universe?? so of course when she hears there’s a version of flarp which mimics it she drags everyone into this game with her. there’s a lot of info on human/troll society on this earth because of the batterwitch’s presence and remaining documents, but since the creators didn’t stick around long there’s only bits and pieces of what actually happened with them. she thinks for certain she’ll be a player of light, but gets something else (breath maybe, since she thinks it’s useless) and is super pissed

(since she’s obsessed with solving puzzles, when things don’t go the way she thought they would she gets really upset/unsure of what to do next)

she plans to be a diplomat between different realms (later to become kingdoms) when she gets older, so she puts aside her issues to help others out, even when it hurts her

the snek dude is cheerful, but has a very... morbid sense of humor. colorblind, hunts stuff (similar to nepeta), either olive or lime blood, likes collecting sparkly/shiny things in his caves, also keeps trying to convince caphag to combine certain chemicals together ‘to see what would happen’, even though both of them know it would create poison.

yellow dude is.... ugh idk yet. i keep accidentally making him a knockoff of luci0 (and by extension, the pink person on the top right similar in personality to tracer, and the third human i had to steer away from making a dva copy... dammit 0verwatch). i think he’s a pretty dynamic and energetic person, not necessarily working to motivate people, but his presence just tends to inspire people. confident in himself, confident in others. not sure about hobbies yet, as with pink person. he might lean towards artistic stuff

caphag is kate’s, and she has a description of her somewhere. from what i remember she likes animals!! and chemistry stuff!!! and is a mess lol. i got nothing else to add except kate if u see this is it ok if i make her moirails with cygnia, i think they’d balance each other out well

triangle person is named almiza, she/they (interchangeable) like to create gadgets and mechanical contraptions that are mostly pointless. her ability to move metal around with her mind (thanks to blood color) helps with delicate operations for this stuff. probably uses this to make booby traps and such later on, discovers how much they like architecture while spending time with carapacians. she is pretty strong bc she lifts heavy tools and materials by herself a lot. she also lost part of a leg at one point during an accident with her contraptions, and built herself her own leg (not robotic) which she now stores tools n shit in. does not get along with cygnia at a personality level, though i’m not exactly sure what hers is yet. cygnia starts out with a one-sided caliginous crush on her, but idk where it goes from there. ∆_∆

and again, pink person idk much about but their design felt right. so yeah. with her hairstyle.... im trying to not make her either a tracer rip-off or a stereotypical Tumblr User™ so. yeah. ideas would be great for both her and yellow guy. i think their name is gonna be sage

[reactingtosomething]

Reacting to Orphan Black: 101-103

WHO IS TRYING TO KILL THEM AND WHAT IS THIS CLONE STUFF AHHHH!?

The Setup: Miri has seen all available seasons of Orphan Black and is lowkey obsessed. Liz has been interested for a while but has never watched an episode until now! Kris has seen the first season (and will eventually finish) and Marchae has seen everything.

As always, notes after the fact are in italics. Up next: Miri and Marchae react to Issa Rae’s Insecure.

MIRI: Ok, so what did you think about the glory that is Orphan Black??

LIZ: I think I have so MUCH ahead of me (I’ve watched 2.5 episodes as of now)! I also feel like I have more questions than comments, but don’t give into my thirst for spoilers.. I don’t really mean it, but DAMNNNN!

MIRI: Hahahah I will do my best not to give in

LIZ: Felix is amazing and I want to go to his apartment and paint with him

MIRI: because they really unfold the mystery of it all so damn well

Felix!!! ❤️

LIZ: Right, this is an interesting show to REACT to because I know that there is so much MORE!

MIRI: DON’T snap towels at me, Bobby! I had a very traumatic childhood!

LIZ: Maybe I should lay out my main questions to just get them out of my system/

MIRI: Do it

LIZ: 1. Sarah, how are you going to keep up this “pretending to be a cop” thing!? The second hand stress from this.. good grief.

2. WHAT’S UP WITH HER KID? I am mad at her, but I know something redeeming about why she had to leave (I hope) is coming...?

MARCHAE: Liz, you have no idea! She definitely redeems herself in many ways and it gets more screwy as the series goes on. I definitely think giving her a kid also makes her so much more nuanced!!

MIRI: Sarah Manning thrives on stress. Sarah Manning eats stress for breakfast. Sarah Manning also has poor planning skills

MARCHAE: @miri this is perfect!

LIZ: 3. I can’t see her being with that vick the dick.. she makes bad decisions, obviously, but she is smart and strong and to me, that didn’t add up, but I do appreciate his interactions with felix

MARCHAE: I felt the same way for a long time Liz and it is quite incongruent with the character that they create. But I think it definitely shows that strong women can make bad mistakes. I also think that Sarah thinks she wants to be bad… like it’s her default.

MIRI: This is genuinely just the tip of the WHAT’S UP WITH HER KID iceberg in many ways

LIZ: 4. WHO IS TRYING TO KILL THEM? HOW MANY CLONES ARE THERE? AHHHHH!

She clearly has poor planning skills

MIRI: 3) Honestly, that is a slight flaw in the show for me. They don’t make him appealing/charming enough to justify it

LIZ: The shit that Elizabeth Childs was into seems to be pretty sinister.. some dirty cop cover up stuff I suspect?

MIRI: 3a) But Sarah is wicked self-destructive, so that does make some sense on that score

4) HAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHA I’m not telling

LIZ: I feel like the clones and their vastly different personalities (btw.. she deserves ALL the emmys) are so interesting as far as the different types of femininity that one person could end up taking on.. does that make sense?

MARCHAE: **PREACH**

MIRI: Beth is a source of a lot of questions. They actually do an amazing job of spooling that out over a long stretch

That makes total sense!

LIZ: This is hard to comment on, because I KNOW that I don’t know the half of it and I don’t want to GUESS

MIRI: It’s one of my favorite things about the show

It’s inherently feminist by the sheer fact that there are so many different types of women playing significant roles

And Tatiana Mislay does deserve all the Emmys

Thanks, autocorrect

She has one from last season

LIZ: I know she has the one!

MIRI: Just wait, though--you haven’t even seen her being a clone pretending to be another clone that we already know as a character. It’s just incredible

She uses music to get into the headspace of each clone, which I find really interesting

LIZ: Wow!

KRIS: Everyone should read this New York Times piece from a few years ago, The Many Faces of Tatiana Maslany. “Stephen Lynch, the show’s makeup artist, told me that he is often asked what prosthetic piece he uses for a particular clone’s nose. (The answer: none.) Once, Maslany’s mother was on set watching her own daughter and wondered aloud when Tatiana would be back.”

MIRI: They also do some really cool production stuff to differentiate the clones--i.e. they use more expensive makeup on a clone with more money than they do when she’s playing Sarah

LIZ: Yeah, I should’ve done this after watching a full season! That’s amazing.. something I found refreshing (even in the lovely age of tv that we are in now) was that it has strong female characters that are flawed and driving the action (duh) and that it is unapologetically (from day 1) not putting any of them into traditional femininity boxes... even the soccer mom is a gun wielding bad ass and there’s no focus on her domestic role as far as the plot of the show is concerned (so far)

MIRI: There is an official podcast that I recommend for anyone wanting to know more behind the scenes info! (Don’t listen ahead of the episodes you’ve seen though!)

We can talk again after the first season!

Wine Mom Allyson Alison Hendrix! Love her

Her domestic life does come into play later, but it’s in really lovely ways

MARCHAE: I’m sorry Miri, I feel like our friendship has ended… HOW HAVE YOU NOT TOLD ME THERE WAS A PODCAST!!!

MIRI: OH MY GOD I’M SO SORRY MARCHAE PLEASE COME BACK I LOVE YOU

KRIS: I’ve only seen the first season but Alison is probably my favorite, maybe because I identify strongly with uptight characters whom everyone else thinks needs to Goddamn Relax. DON’T RELAX IF IT’S NOT RELAXING, ALISON, YOU DO YOU. I also had my own weird “which Maslany is this” moment when I caught myself thinking, later in the season when Felix and Alison have scenes together, that these actors had more fun chemistry than Felix and Sarah.

LIZ: Sarah’s role as a mother is so gloriously screwed up and we also aren’t concerned AT ALL about her romantic life and there are so many seemingly progressive shows that CAN’T HELP but make a romantic storyline at least a PART of the leading lady’s life!

MIRI: I love that she and Sarah both have fierce/protective love for their children but in SUCH different ways

Very true!

We all know that I am a SUCKER for sibling dynamics and the Sarah/Felix relationship is just killer

LIZ: I love how she slips into different accents. Each clone feels like an actual different person.. I am in awe of that

I agree!

So far, I think I’ve met the detective (right before she killed herself.. but i don’t even buy that), the scientist, the mother, the “whatever sarah is”, and the german (just because I feel like there will be more)

MIRI: Hahahahhaa

Just to get the names out there:

LIZ: Thank you! Hahaha

MIRI: The Detective is Beth, the scientist is Cosima, the mother is Allyson Alison, Sarah is basically a con artist (at least at the moment), and the German is Katya (though she mostly gets referred to as the German)

So you actually have not met one of my favorites yet and I will say nothing more than that at this point

LIZ: I am excited to meet her.

MIRI: I was actually talking with Andrew the other day and he brought up a really interesting point--the pilot is an amazing and effective standalone, but it’s also kind of a three part intro.

The pilot hooks you completely, but you don’t learn about some of the huge building blocks of this world until the second and third eps

It’s really interesting

LIZ: Oh another reaction I had was that these HUGE traumatic things are happening to and around these women, (seeing the german be shot in the head and having to bury her, seeing Beth die.. and more) and they aren’t crumbling and crying with some wine and ice cream (tv sad woman who CANT DEAL trope)but they kind of go into fight mode and become MORE active and bad ass, which I love.

MARCHAE:  I actually hadn’t thought about it this way which I say is to the shows credit. We are introduced into this world where being a strong woman (even as an Alison Hendrix who you would assume is docile) is a given. I don’t expect them not to be badassess. I think it’s the set up. We meet Beth who offs herself and then Sarah’s already planning from that moment how to work this from the beginning. So the show assumes we already believe we live in a world where “them females are strong as hell” and strong can be different for each woman. Cosima’s strength is in her mind. Beth’s is physical and strategy, Alison’s is legitimately the personification of craftiness.  It is awesome. ( I won’t spoil who has yet to come) but they all offer and personify these areas of feminism that are often overlooked or given a negative connotation when they are assigned to us.

MIRI: I was going to say that Cosima’s strength is also her love, but then I realized that is also true for Sarah. And Alison. And then I dissolved into a puddle of my feelings about Orphan Black.

MIRI: Yes!

LIZ: I agree.. the word clone isn’t used in the pilot at all!

I think not until the 3rd ep maybe?

MIRI: Exactly! Which you forget once you’ve seen it. They really string out the tension beautifully

LIZ: This kind of reaction to trauma is more realistic to me than the wine cry.

MIRI: In the interest of honesty, I have had a few wine cries in my life, but all of them have been related to the crushing existential dread of job searching after grad school, rather than major life traumas

MIRI: Totally! They get shit done when they have to

LIZ: The women I know in my real life get shit done when bad things happen

yesss!

jink

jinx

hahaha

MIRI: And then later on in the run, they are given the chance to fall apart

which is also realistic!

LIZ: Yeah, they need to at some point!

MIRI: Again, through the sheer presence of so many women (and having to work hard to differentiate them!) the show does so much showing of women as different

which is what I think we really need!

LIZ: It’s so hard to focus my brain to stick to the episodes I’ve watched and explore those thoughts because they build the suspense so well that i just want to know more and more!

MIRI: Well, put your questions out there! I won’t answer but they’re a nice reminder of what is revealed when and how well they raise all of those questions

LIZ: The more female driven amazing shows I watch, the more infuriated I get when I see more of the same from other shows (which is not really fair, but when you know that something like this is out there.. it’s so hard to accept stereotypes and weak or sexualized female roles which are still so rampant)

MIRI: It is fair! Keep your anger! Let it fuel you to make more amazing and female driven content!!!!

LIZ: My main question is WHEN IS SARAH GOING TO BE FOUND OUT TO NOT BE A COP AT WORK? Are they like the worst detectives or what?  Then.... WHO IS TRYING TO KILL THEM AND WHAT IS THIS CLONE STUFF AHHHH!?

MIRI: It clearly can be done AND BE SUCCESSFUL so there are no more excuses for shitty 5:1 ratios, sorry

Are they bad detectives or is she just a super awesome con woman?!

Seriously, that sequence of her destroying the credit card and learning how to play Beth is amazing in so many ways

LIZ: She kept saying she needed the money mostly because of a domestic issue and her male partner didn’t seem to give a shit about her safety and that really upset me and lead me to believe that he is either so principled that it is his fault or he is bad news bears...that is kind of a question ha

MIRI: Oh Art

LIZ: She’s a good con woman, but she doesn’t know how to talk or act like a cop and she’s stumbled in front of them so many times that I am confused.

MIRI: That is fair

LIZ: I agree about the Beth stuff.. she did study how to be her in that way so watch some damn detective stuff so you know what the lingo is, girl!

MIRI: Hahahahaha

Sarah Manning does not do her due diligence of tv watching

That is a valid criticism

LIZ: She can’t be still

she may have ADHD

I also have questions about the science of cloning

MIRI: I may not have answers but let’s not let that stop us

LIZ: and about how easily felix faked her death and funeral, while being the closest person to her and obviously not sad that she is dead and doing things like taking HER call during HER funeral.. that was hilarious, but how dumb are people!?

MIRI: DO NOT INSULT STEAMPUNK BOB THAT WAY

(was that his name? I feel like I’ve gotten it wrong but the enthusiasm is what should be counted)

MIRI: His name is Rockabilly Bob and I am ashamed to have forgotten it

LIZ: Well, I have questions about how similar each of them are and the whole nature v nurture thing.. am I going to figure out that each of these drastically different ladies have the same core personality flaw that manifests in various ways ORRRRR are we meant to believe (seems like this is more likely right now) that their personalities are a product of their environment and they really are so different and it is creepy that they share the same genetic makeup and have nothing else in common?!!!?!

I am not sure, but AHAHAH about Bob .. so sorry

MIRI: Well my non-answer to that would be look at siblings

Obviously less closely genetically related than clones

But--even growing up in the same house!--can be very different while sharing significant portions of DNA

So every little change changes a lot, is my opinion

LIZ: Also, are any of the clones suffering from anything that is hereditary?

MIRI: I also think gene expression is a factor--even two genetically identical people will have physical differences because the same genes are not always expressed the same way

LIZ: Also, do you think the show is making any statements about anything I’ve grabbed onto from these first episodes, whether that is femininity, nurture v nature, family, crime, or literally anything?

MIRI: You see that with identical twins who have physical differences

Oh! Identical twins are a much better illustration of my earlier point

Same DNA, different people

LIZ: Yeah environmental factors can cause genes to mutate faster (if at all)

WE ARE SUCH SCIENTISTS RIGHT NOW

MIRI: SCIENCE, BITCHES

I definitely think the show is making statements

I will not comment on what they are yet

I will say that sometimes they find the statements as they go

LIZ: here to save the world with pure conjecture and a lot of blind confidence (that is the rest of the song.. SCIENCE BITCHES)

I have a lot to do today... but I must keep watching.. honestly, I’m shocked that i am not halfway through season 3 right now with my binging practices

I knew I saved this show (which I knew I’d love because I trust my friends and their tastes) for a great reason haha

MIRI: My favorite example of finding the meaning as they go is a clone you see in passing in one season and do not meet until the next season. She was designed as kind of a joke--how totally crazy a version of Tat can we put together--and then they took that very one dimensional person and went deeper to find a genuine character beneath her. It wasn’t necessary and it really works

Yay for the right show at the right time!

LIZ: Ooo I am so excited

is that your favorite character?

or is that just another

MIRI: Nope!

LIZ: how many clones are there?

MIRI: Although I do adore her

NOT TELLING

LIZ: ha

MIRI: Also i don’t think I know definitively yet

LIZ: This show must be a bitch to edit and to make in general, but I SO appreciate the efforts

MIRI: Yes!

Omg can we talk about the scenes with more than one clone in them

MARCHAE: Liz there is a great video out there where they show how they edit with TM dancing and they edit each one in and out of the scene :) it’s a delight.

KRIS: Here it is! There may be a mild to moderate spoiler in this about character allegiances but there’s no dialogue so I’ll leave it to Miri and Marchae to decide if Lemon can watch it (I haven’t seen this season).

MIRI: LEMON IS NOT ALLOWED TO WATCH IT, nor is anyone else who hasn’t seen OB yet. The relationships between some of the characters change pretty drastically between first meeting and this, and they play that change out so beautifully that I don’t want it ruined for anyone. Come back later! The video will still be here!

LIZ: of course!

MIRI: because the more you learn about how they actually do it the more in awe you will be

So there is an actress named Lexi Kathryn Alexandre

MIRI: Did I genuinely not question thinking that someone had named their child Lexi Alexandre? That is a comic book villain’s name.

KRIS: Actually I assumed you were thinking of Lexi Alexander, the director of Punisher War Zone and a few episodes of superhero TV.

MIRI: Oh no (pronounce that in your head like Phoebe on Friends for full effect). Now I am both forgetful and a little mean to Lexi Alexander/her parents. And of course you’re right.

And she is the primary stand in

So she acts as all of the clones too

KRIS: Here’s a profile of Kathryn Alexandre in Variety! (photo by Chris Woods for Variety)

LIZ: wow

MIRI: She and Tatiana Maslany have to sync their performances to such an insane level

And of course there are other stand ins for multi clone scenes

but basically they both act both parts of the scenes

LIZ: 😱

MIRI: and in different takes the camera (with a preprogrammed set of shots/moves) records both

LIZ: Does the other actress appear on the show? Imagine being an actress and never being seen but doing all that work!

MIRI: And then they digitally combine different shots

Yes! She has a small role later on

LIZ: continuity is a bitch when filming something super basic

their team is probably so good

MIRI: But the bulk of her work in never actually seen

LIZ: I always look at the makeup when I watch stuff (sorry, but can’t help it) and I am in awe of how that is used to create character and personality (or to enhance it at least)

MIRI: Gosh, I wonder why?

KRIS: Liz’s version of Marchae’s self-censoring is unnecessary apologizing.

MIRI: Tatiana Maslany brings that up in a lot of interviews--it is way more than just her own (INCREDIBLE) work

YEs!

LIZ: thats very nice of her

MIRI: They do such cool things with makeup and making it particular to the clones

Without it becoming cartoonish

LIZ: I’ve seen Tatiana be interviewed a lot and I really liked her before I ever watched

MIRI: She’s super charming

MARCHAE: Fast Fact about Marchae: She really REALLY wants to write a script for Tatiana because she is easily one of the best actresses of our time.

KRIS: I am not disputing that Tatiana Maslany is very very great, but I want to suggest that many more actresses have the ability to do what she does -- Jessica Chastain is a different person in every movie, Keri Russell was Felicity and a pie baker/waitress before she was a stone cold KGB officer, Aubrey Plaza has gone from being an adorably sullen intern on Parks and Rec to being a TERRIFYING FORCE OF NATURE on Legion -- and the problem is that the VAST majority of actresses aren’t given the opportunity to show their range. Maslany is up there with all of them, but she’s also (and I’m sure she’d be the first to say this) tremendously lucky that this has been her breakout show, because now she can’t be typecast.

LIZ: I want someone to come to my house so I can do 5 looks on them right now hahaha

yeah it is NOT cartoonish

MARCHAE: Pick me… Choose me…  

KRIS: Lemon (yes we call her Lemon, we’re super original like that, but also it fits we swear), you also have several actor friends and acquaintances, some with quite excellent cheekbones, who might not hate having a little portfolio of radically different looks.

MIRI: Come to LA and make me beautiful

LIZ: I think that the wrong actress could’ve made this show horrible (since she is like a billion people in it..that is obvious, but girl had it going on since the PILOT)

I’m not convinced that people aren’t being cloned somewhere for real btw

you are already beautiful!

MIRI: Completely! You can see her improve later as she settles into all of this insanity, but honestly she is KILLING IT from the first sequence

OH let’s talk about that opening sequence

Thoughts before I excitedly monologue?

I genuinely think it is one of the best opening sequences I’ve ever seen. And (according to the creators) it was pretty much set from the beginning

LIZ: no go ahead!

MIRI: They started with that idea--a woman waking up on a train, going down onto the platform, and seeing an identical stranger kill herself

And it’s just perfect. You know so much about Sarah by the end of it, even if you have next to no details on her life

LIZ: I have like no negative or nit picky or annoyed thoughts about this show (compared to how I feel about so many things I watch) which is a statement of some sort I’m sure, but go on!

MIRI: hahahaha you will eventually question some things

LIZ: Yeah I agree that Sarah is a defined character within seconds of first seeing her!

MIRI: But overall, it’s incredible work and I just adore it

This is making me want to rewatch the entire run in preparation for next season

LIZ: Yeah I have questions and there are some things that are a stretch!

Ha

MIRI: I think they do a phenomenal job of creating little, significant moments/choices. Like, I’m so curious as to why Beth takes off and folds her jacket before her suicide. I don’t know if there’s anything we’re supposed to glean from it but it’s so specific and personal

Ok, what else is a stretch to you so far?

LIZ: Beth seems like a neat, organized, and meticulous person so maybe that is just a nod to that

MIRI: totally could be

LIZ: Her being a detective and the fact that anyone bought that funeral hahaha i guess those are the biggest stretches for me in a show about clones and a conspiracy to murder them all

Is her boyfriend, Paul, gone forever?

MIRI: I just like that it’s a small,r realistic detail that is there because she’s a person who would do that, not because the plot demanded it

hahahahahah

LIZ: YES!

MIRI: Paul is not gone forever

he will eventually give birth to an amazing meme, which I will link here for people who have already seen all the episodes. You should not click on it if you haven’t. SPOILERS

LIZ: Ok haha although I have enjoyed some shows with spoilers in mind (like the sopranos, Lost, and probably a lot more)

MIRI: Nope, I forbid it in this case

LIZ: ok

I WILL LISTEN

MIRI: THANK YOU

LIZ: Crying doggies are going to have to go out soon.. the whining is increasing in volume and frequency!

They have zero respect

MIRI: Hahahah how dare they

Ok, a few quick things:

Do you have a favorite character yet?

LIZ: Yes ask me things and tell me things

Felix

but as far as the clones, I adore the one with the glasses (scientist)

MIRI: Cosima

***Marchae’s comment below the photo has minor SPOILERS proceed at your own risk!!!****

MARCHAE: Cosima is so REMARKABLE  and I love her relationship so much. And it is great that she falls in love with Delphine adding yet another layer to these remarkable female character and them doing whatever the F*** they want with their lives!

KRIS: I remember being deeply frustrated with Sarah more than once (in the one season I’ve seen) but never more so than when she disagreed with Cosima about something science-y.

LIZ: amazing name

MIRI: Do you have any theories about who is hunting them or why?

LIZ: zilch

MIRI: (Yeah, Cos is awesome!)

LIZ: why.. bc its illegal and they could be caught bc the clones are so spread out and have real lives and are smart/ found out about each other

MIRI: Not a question, but I want to put it out there that I miss Sarah’s Peak Punk look

LIZ: so whoever made them i think is trying to do it

MIRI: How many clones do you think you will meet this season?

LIZ: like 10? but i am sure there are a lot more

MIRI: Ok, do you have any final comments/thoughts/questions/exclamations?

LIZ: I should point out that in the notes app, I was jotting down a few things while I watched the pilot and one of them is “VICK IS A BUTTHOLE”

MIRI: Accurate

LIZ: umm I just have so many questions, but in an excited way, not in an annoyed way

MIRI: That’s good!

LIZ: Like i am pumped to figure it out and for once, I don’t know pretty much how the show is going to unfold (Aaron is always laughing at my ability to ruin shows by saying.. well clearly they are going to do this this and this)

MIRI: #filmschoolproblems

LIZ: Final comments are that I want to do this again when I am in much deeper so I can laugh at myself now for knowing SOO LITTLE

MIRI: Yes!!! We definitely should

LIZ: I do love it and I am here for it and I thank you for having me watch (or inspiring me to watch sooner than I may have on my own)

MIRI: Yay!

LIZ: ❤️

Anything else from your end that I should know or that you thought when you first watched?

MIRI: Oh I binged the hell out of the first two seasons in like a weekend the first time I watched. No coherent thoughts survived

LIZ: hahaha

MIRI: It was really interesting to go back and watch and remember just how long it takes to learn some of the basic facts of the universe

Basically, it’s one of those shows that does an amazing job of taking the viewer on the same(ish) journey as the characters--you’re only going to get in deeper as more shit reveals itself.

LIZ: so it must get really detailed and much bigger!

I can’t wait

We all hope to check back in with Liz when she makes it further in the season. And maybe Miri and Marchae will have some season 5 premiere reactions.