#i cant be the only one to have notice this weird shift in how ppl consume these show

[angstics]

I have many thoughts about les mis live, and they are all beautiful and complex.

to get it out of the way, things that sucked: the face spotlights were RIDICULOUSLY distracting and ugly use wide spots. the context tidbits are so useless lmao everything is explained in the main songs. it kind of made eponine irritating because she would always appear in these ugly sounding tidbits just to yearn. The surprise is kind of the point. The video effects were kinda distracting BUT also really good which i will expand on later. The tempo was so off, at least to how im used to it. I really dislike how they elongated the notes (though it was impressive tbf). I dislike the weird pauses that were obviously not mistakes. I HATE the line changes. They removed my favorite part of paris look down when the ppl go “whens it gonna end somethings gotta happen now somethings gotta give itll come itll come” then the FANTASTIC fanfare. GOD. Watching it live, i felt act 1 was so rushed — i do think it had abnormally fast tempo… this one’s silly bc it depends on actor intuition but i wish they laughed at the points the characters laugh in the 2010 recording (theres like 3 points that just so perfectly punctuate the sadness). Noticeably awkward staging during rain will help flowers grow. I wish grantaire fell with enjolras SORRY.

Also i wish everyone who talked went to hell, everyone who coughed endlessly took some PILLS, everyone who went up and down the stairs pissed in their seat -_- the worst was when the idiots in front of me (WHO WERE TALKING THE WHOLE SHOOOOOW they were shushed by the usher Three times I need them to be tried for this) were whispering during To love another person is to see the face of god and i wanted to STRANGLE them

anyway, onto the good. And be sure it far outweighs the bad. Great casting, great singing, SUCH a good band, good lighting (spots otherwise). There were no obvious acting missteps that i hear in recordings which was a nice surprise

The set was SOOOOOOOO dynamic and fluid and lighting was used in a simple but CRAZY effective way to morph and splinter the setting. Augh. When the set pushed in during paris, i fell to my kneeeeessss (in my brain). The gate, the barricade, the houses were GORGEOUS

Lighting during the final battle. I wanted to die it was so good. I didnt know or forgot grantaire dies last. I remembered it was voluntary but not like that. Jesus god

There were a lot of surprises in staging acting etc that had me genuinely jump in my seat from shock and delight. I have never acted like that in a theatre, much less for a show ive seen and listened to a MILLION times. Some moments like this: enjolras falling over in the cart and being Dragged out, heart full of love starting so reluctantly (i was DELIGHTED by this it was a nice surprise laugh), the wigs (love), the staging during one day more (god when enjolras is dead center stage haloed by light).... there are so many other moments that had me shook i cant recall rn...

gavroche was so Present in the set, which you really miss in the audio. His little added dialogue bit was my favorite of those. His relationship w grantaire was particularly pronounced, which kinda shifted the source of grantaire’s sacrifice. Ofc there are many reasons he chose to die for the cause, but i hadnt thought one being grantaire seeing the police state for the robbing force it was. Hard yes, but evil. He didnt know it was *evil*. I think that realization was pushed by Gavroche’s killing and something so interesting in the discussion of how sheltered these kids were (or not). Rich boy’s game to play… what did enjloras know…

On the same line, i felt the “message” very strongly seeing it sung at me. Is there a world you long to see… i also felt the faith themes distinctly. Vaguely christian ending lol ill lead you to salvation, the only survivors being a couple. Wait the thenadiers are also a couple. Lol?

On that lot, they were fun and good lol. They changed one of his beggar at the feast lines and it was kind of silly. “this one’s a queer but what can you do” to “this one’s a queer, i might try it too” ????? I dont know if we want to wokeify this guy in particular

There was a part duringggg i think drink with me before grantaire’s verse where both he and enjolras are in the shadows on literal opposite sides of the stage (e is high right upstage, g is low left downstage) and grantaire is staring Right at enjolras. And enjolras turns to him through the first verse. I was watching this going crazy that they actually fanfictionified them i didnt think they would more than ive already seen. There is one movement in particular ive never seen and would have Definitely been in the compilations i watched (lol). This will have its own seperate joke post

Speaking of, watching it live made me realize how Present enjolras and grantaire’s relationship is. Besides the lovey dovey achilles-and-patroclus slash thing, i loooovveeeee their ideological conflict SOOOO much. It is so genuis. So i love that it was center stage when it isnt really in the lyrics (or 2012 film or other adaptations)

And they were both blond. Which was crazy

Javert at the end made me so crazy. Again, the staging — mourning Gavroche, seeing valjean carry marius — shifted how i thought of his suicide as well. I think maybe he had the same awakening as grantaire

Hey guys maybe the police state and prison complex is bad lmfao

The candlesticks at the end ❤️ (this is a bit of hater moment but i was watching the ramin 14 boot and the moment the bishop walks away from him at the end he does the same thing fredric march does where there is a pause and jean is kneeling infront of the bishop and he holds the bishop’s hands to his head in silence and. It is so vulnerable and meaningful and i adore it. And i wish theyd kept that staging)

I always found it weird that eponine is for some reason fantine’s right hand man in heaven. If we’re being haters i still dont like the caricatured costumes and behaviours of “the poor” and “whores” companies. AND they shouldve really tried harder on boy eponine. cut her hair at the very least and mirror her further w fantine -_- well that makes make me like heaven more

This also really made me think about how valjean saw javert as Just A Man, while javert saw himself as The Law. Which they literally say but seeing how they acted around each other cemented it. Javert was so very humanized by his sadness and anger and all that emotion Destroyed him because there is no compassion in the law lol. Maybe there is something wrong with our governments Lol

for a bit that kinda meanders and strays from the main action, they made "heart full of love" et al. really really wonderful. the staging was so great, like marius actually climbing the gate and throwing rocks at her window, cosette running to him, marius and eponine hiding along the gate in times i didnt think they were listing. the thenadier climbs the house set it's so fun

i love that eponine is consistently black. it adds. so much. and i will always judge a production if their eponine is white. this one had a great black actor play her -- her voice was nicely different from the recordings

i liked the video sets, especially when it emphasized character mvmt. sometimes it was bright and looked kind of bad, so the darker the better lol. there was a moment when we dip in the sewers where thenadier enters from upstage center from the darkness of the sewer in the backdrop and it was AWESOME.

OH MY GOD turning -> empty chairs. GOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. turning is such an underrated song and they just so beautifully staged it. the all female cast who communicated such different perspectives on the massacre that was a nice change from a monolithic company. and the lights. when i saw theyd set them down, i knew what was coming. and then it came. God. empty chairs. so good. So good.

the choreo during the wedding was great

Enjolras had the red vest. W

god i feel im missing so much. hope i get another cheapo ticket. Eek. im so glad i get to see it at all. limit hit <3

[ghostlypawn]

the way quarantine changed the way a large chunk of people consume tv is so obvious to me and it needs to change asap

[tobi-momo]

Cuddling With Them While They Game PT 2

a/n: kasjsdhakdjs pls- when i got this req i sqealed srsly i love it ty for this :p

Type: Headcanons

Genre: Fluff, crack???

Warnings: none :)

i made a part one with bakugou, kirishima, and todoroki!

he doesnt usually play games but when he does he tries his best and its so cute🥺

feel like he has game rage, but its like him trying to smile through the pain and act like he isnt mad💀

HE PLAYS CONSOLE KASKDJSAKD BUT NOT LIKE THE BEANBAG LIKE KIRI ITS CONSOLE WHERE HES ON THE FLOOR RIGHT UP CLOSE TO HIS TV SITTING AT THE FOOT OF HIS BED

KASSDSKHGDAK THATS SO CUTE PLS-

so imagine: you walking in his dorm room, expecting him to be studying or working on his technique, but instead you find him on the floor in front of his bed, a blanket covering his head as he presses the buttons ruthelessly while he whispers little curses at himself starting to get mad

you closing the door got his attention, so he invited you to sit next to him, so you do

at first it was a little awkward bc he wasnt sharing the blanket (you cant convince me he isnt a blanket hog you cant) and his eyes were glued to the tv screen like he forgot you were there

you started to get tired, your head drooping on his shoulder- his body goes absolutely stiff- like- midoryia.exe has stopped working youre gonna have to wait for him to windows 8 reboot

once he finally looks at you and youre like this close to falling asleep he turns your body away rq to move the blanket off his shoulder so your head can rest on his actual shoulder and the blanket is around you too

he usually doesnt have his mic on at all, and if it is he usually doesnt talk unless hes going along w a joke? iykwim?

i feel like he plays games like call of duty and halo (he loves animal crossing and sucks at among us) but he doesnt like when he sees them actually die? like the gore and stuff? idk he just gives those vibes yk? i feel like hed feel really bad kaskjdshad hed get over it tho

i cant really see him play minecraft, tho, i mean unless youre playing w him, i dont think he would play it by himself unless he was like building a fucking castle for you or sum-

but ya you start to go to his room more when he games to hang out and every. single. time. you. fall. asleep. he isnt complaining tho he loves your sleeping face :p

when you sleep on him he usually wrapss an arm around you and when he can presses little butterfly kisses on the top of your head and takes his hand to rub your arm up and down oml kdajsd pls-

he plays both computer and console i just think he plays he console a bit more?

ok this is a lil soft and maybe a bit ooc but i like if you were to come in while hes playing games you would sit down between his legs, your back to his chest while he plays

he would either rest his head on whatever is behind him or he would rest it on your shoulder (if youre more on the taller side)

and okokok i feel like if you were curious ab how the game works he would def let you play for him for a sec, he would guide yu on what the buttons do and what your tasks are yk? (again w the soft shi im sorry kasjhsdfjf *cri*)

he would keep an arm around your waist while letting you play or he would rub your thigh (maybe both kasdjshd) while he watches you play

if you get a lil frustrated he would totally tease you ab it then tell you how to do it right oml

if you get tired he would take the controller from you and let you sit back on him chest, resting on him while he games

he might turn the volume down a lil, but i also think he doesnt care that much LMFAO

i feel like he would rub your side a lil its almost tickly but hes a lil more firm than that yk?

he would keep his curses at a minimum although he doesnt have that much game rage at all bc again, he doesnt care, but ppl are stupid so he might get frustrated sometimes

once you fall asleep and hes been playing for a while he might just leave the game hes in and carry you to bed and get in with you

i dont think hes much of a cuddler at all but a little bit of contact is ok w him

but then you start to shift and scoot towards him in your sleep

until you are either completely ontop of him or your head is in the crook of his neck and hes just sitting there like 😐😤😒

but he warms up to it bc he wuvs you (read: hes fucking whipped)

ao he lazily puts an arm around you and bears it for a couple more hours

but when yall wake up he finds himself literally clinging to you KASDJHSALKDJ

he. plays. computer. end of conversation

he got the wasd game iykwim😩 (ill shut the door on my way out)

he absolutely loves it when you come to sit on his lap while he just- he loves it sm

he plays all types of games (except overwatch. you will not catch this man playing overwatch pls-)

i feel like you wouldnt run into him playing games he would always play them once youre with him in the room

he wants you to be w him while he games, he wants you to watch him or just be there

youd be laying on his bed, hust doing whatever, scrolling on your phone while you hear him set up

you love to cuddle him- i just KNOW hes amazing at it

so when you hear him clicking away and see him sit down you stand up and walk to him

he doesnt even have t look at you before he opens himself up to you to sit on his lap

you watch him play (and his hands kasjlsdh) and sometimes you ask him questions ab it- hed be happy to walk you through it and explain

if you wanna play he'll let you play, teaching you everything ab the character and shit

he is the most patient person on earth i KNOW

he doesnt get game rage

he is literally so stoic- so calm i swear

he doesnt use his mic like at all

HE LOVES PLAYING WITH YOU

teasing to the max th- its cute tho he isnt being a meanie

loves playing among us and animal crossing (he def plays)

yall usually go to your island bc he likes it more kasdslahd

and when hes the imposter? hes like fucking corpse i swear

if youre sleep he's literally a perfect pillow, plus the sound of him breathing while he rubs your back is-

momo.exe has stopped working

HE PLAYS BOTH COMPUTER AND CONSOLE EQUALLY

he uses the mic constantly and is kinda loud- but you dont hate it

he laughs a lot, and gets some game rage but its pretty controlle, he just gets butthurt sometimes :/

when you walk into his room he is getting so into it like he doesnt even notice even notice you come in

he only notices your presence when when you put your hand on his shoulder- he literally jumps

when he plays console he's on his bed, just laying there chillin so when you walk in and say hi he is sooo happy youre there w him omg

he just loves you presence

i imagine you climbing into bed w him and he continues to play his game although he loves it when you touch him (not to sound sexual at all he genuienly loves your touch)

and you up to his side- he wraps an arm around you, telling you how he missed you how mych he loves you (ksadksjhaksd)

when you fall asleep he turns the volume down and probably tones down his voice, although sometimes he jolts bc of some kind of mess up

but he manages to keep you asleep on him until he gets tired too- turning everything off and just wrapping you in arms (he'd prolly end up on your chest ngl)

on the computer when he plays you hesitate o cuddle ONLY bc od how much he moves, like you arent gonna be there comfortable for a while but eventually he calms down

he just gets nervous- his heart starts to beat rapidly and his leg bounces (same kaskh) espECIALLY when you straddle him oml he BREAKS

but he eventually calms down so its more comfy

when you fall asleep he will constantly press kisses on your head omggg

so soft kasdjhksajf pls-

i feel like he plays longer when hes on the computer so he would prlly still be on there when you wake up- looking absolutely dead insode aksjdshadl but you convince him to go to bed, bribing him with a 'i'll go too'

hes literally whipped for you :)

~.~.~.~

hope yall enjoyed a part 2-

taglist: @combat-wombatus @toosharkinternet @alpha3113 @flattykawadoorusmilkbread @zerohawks @hitosushi @katsuhera (sry my tags are being weird)

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket,Se03, Ep 8 (part 1)

“ I hate myself, so much, so intensely, so completely, I wish I just go away, disappear for good, & yet in the end, I always protect myself, instead of taking responsibility, I run away every damn time, like now, I’m too scared to even look at your face”. The real kyo under the layers of trauma.

This quotation is why this ep is not abt romance. Instead it is abt: Extreme self-loath, faulty coping mechanism, self-awareness & inability to make correct decisions due to suicidal thoughts & non-existent self-worth.  

This is a guy who’s literally seen death TWICE at the age of 4 & 15 (his mom & kyoko), is trying to avoid the THIRD (tohru’s) & is questioning why the FOURTH isnt happening (his own death).

-The layers of a broken self: Excellent writing:

I applaud the writer for choosing fitting methods to portray her characters’ own trauma. Yuki “ prince” mask & tohru’s “i’m okay” mask were fitting to hide their trauma & uncover the real personalities. However, since kyo would be the character to hide secrets & carry guilt, the viewers need to feel he’s hiding sth w/o knowing what it is. It was done cleverly to (a) tie the plot together, (b) build kyo’s character, (c) fit the climax, (d) suit his trauma of severe guilt & self-loath. Some of the things he does can fit two genuine layers: Both layers are true:

His initial refusal to open up to tohru in early se01. (Surface layer): he doesn't know how to interact with ppl who accept him as he confessed to shigure, (Deeper layer): he avoided tohru cuz he knew her!

He initially refused to join leisure activities & trips: hot spring & kyoto trip (Surface layer): he didn’t want to go with yuki (Deeper layer) he didnt want to spend time with tohru as he was unconsciously feeling that he’s stealing from her.

It killed him to see her true lonely self behind her fake mask & approached her with advice. se1, ep5 (grandpa house), se1, ep23 (sick tohru), se2, ep 8 (hiro’s remarks) & other instances.  (Surface layer): he was noticing her issues, & genuinely wanted to help her cuz he’s kind (Deeper layer) he was falling in love w/her & unconsciously wanted her to be happy with HIM.

There were times when there was ONE layer, such as: kyoko’s 1st grave visit. He was so off, rigid, unresponsive, & completely shut down. Everybody read him. Yuki, tohru, Arisa & hana. they just don’t know why he behaving like that. his trauma manifested itself deeply that he apologized to tohru in her sleep cuz he was “ too scared to even look at your face”.

- Kyo’s trauma takes physical shape: (Clutching his heart: PAIN, clutching his stomach : DISGUST) :

While confessing to tohru, kyo’s features spoke volumes. You can see disrepair, guilt, broken soul, sadness & surrender. His body reflected his emotions:

wide eyes (disbelief), Cat eyes (utter fear)

trembling body (overwhelmed with toxic emotions)

clutching his fists (anger at self) , opening fists (surrender to darkness)

hand covering face (shame), Hand around neck as he finished confessing abt kyoko & yuki (desire for death: the final judgement)

The most focused physical appearance was his fist clutching his heart: he was in so much pain as he narrated how he loved kyoko & found a friend in her, desired to make her happy, to find tohru for her, how his his mom withered away out of fear of him & how pitiful & sad he felt towards tohru for loving someone like him. It broke his heart to see them all suffer after knowing him. All the love he felt for them squeezed his heart tight, he wanted to pull it & rip it away. Above all, he was sad to loose them all. Sad he can’t be wit them.

Then he clutched his stomach: representing the pure disgust he felt at himself. As he realized that there is no escape from being responsible for their death, as he admitted he illogically blamed yuki, his disgust with himself boiled in his stomach. What kind of disgusting horrible person does that? blame someone illogically? I’m horrible, hateful & utterly undeserving to be forgiven. Being disgusted with one’s own self! oof! it was so well-done with animation!

-Tying Mature Themes with Child Trauma:

Through kyo’s story, there were different mature themes that excellently dictate his behavior, mentality & emotional well-being: Excellent writing!

(1) The desperate need for self-worth: To be good for once!

by constantly destroying his self-worth thro contempt (the sohmas), rejection (his mom), hate (his father), pity (kazuma/ kagura, initially), kyo searched for an outlet to be a worthy human. Someone who deserves to be loved for who he is. He found that in kyoko. It is brilliant that kyo didn’t look for a mom in kyoko. He called her “ old hag”, she told him unflattering facts abt herself “ neglecting her daughter”. she was his first real friend. He found comfort being with her. He wanted to return the intimate feeling he felt deep down, kyo is so hung up on giving as much as taking as it contradicts the notion of pity. The opportunity came! Helping her find her daughter! being someone who does good! Return the daughter & feel worthy of being a true friend, a man (aka a person). “ i’ll help her, I’ll protect her for sure! it’s a man’s promise” The promise in its core is abt kyo wanting to be a person. Not a monster, or a cat. A true real boy. Away from all the toxic past emotions. Being a man: means being a big boy (person) with good achievements! All this shattered when a better boy beats him to it. The boy who was always praised, loved & respected! kyo’s self-worth diminished greatly & all the toxic emotions came back!

(2) The downfall of faulty coping mechanism: Creating a Bad Guy:

I stated before that one of my fave scenes of kyo was in se02, ep23 when kyo lashed out at yuki on the stairs upon seeing the hat & how yuki felt nothing but pity towards kyo as he was stuck in the past while yuki moved on. Brilliant scene that explains why one moved on & the other didn;t. Yuki’s faulty coping mechanism was being withdrawn & shutting himself. This coping mechanism didnt make him feel better at all!!! Also, he doesn’t have regrets nor sins, he dealt with his faulty coping mechanism with tohru’s help & the school council & healed gradually. Forever loving the writer for writing the distinction between kyo & yuki logically without painting any as monster in reality. Kyo couldn’t do as yuki for the following reasons: ( remember the old theme of everybody heals on their own pace? love it )

(a) He was addicted to shifting the blame as it made him feel better abt himself!! he shifted his thoughts from “ I wanna go away for good” “ mom, why didn’t you kill me instead” to “ it’s not my fault at all, it’s yuki” No match between the two feelings! one leads to suicide, the other leads to feeling like a mere victim. The two feelings are wrong tho & He knows that! he isn’t ready to stop the drug. He can’t face himself. “ the bad guy, if he isn’t as awful as you think, who you’re left to blame”.

(b) nothing around him can make him feel better. Tohru? but she’s kyoko’s daughter! she’s a lonely orphan, carrying her mommy’s pic taking to it! why? cuz you didn't save her! Loving tohru? is good & I wish we can run away far & be together always! wake up! why would she wanna be with a disgusting monster like you?!! You dont deserve her! you who caused his mom to die, caused her mom to die, blamed an innocent guy! Yuki? yeah, look at yuki, you can never be like him, watch as his true kindness gets noticed by tohru, the school & everybody!! he’s everything you cant be!! he should be with tohru! not you!! Master kazuma? poor guy! you brought him nothing but misery! you see his sad smile, don’t you? he’s disappoint in you. Kagura? she pities you!

(b) Kyo can’t fix his mistakes. kyo watched as yuki got back with his brother, befriended haru again, goes back to the sohma estate for the holidays. he feels he cant have similar reweds as he cant bring the things he needed. his mom, kyoko, his bio dad’s affection, kazuma’s pride in him, tohru’s love & his own satisfaction at himself. kyo just hates kyo “so much, so intensely, so completely”

(c) his fault coping mechanism mirrors his dad’s. Kids pick up toxic habits from parents all the time. Even his suicidal thoughts mirrors his mom’s! brilliant writing!

3- running away from responsibilities: perfectly constructed theme!

Who didn’t? I’m guilty! ugh! one of the best themes in furuba hands down! Any other writer would have made kyo do it once, or twice & have him face it in climax & then deal with it. but NOT takaya-san! She excellently took her time with kyo repeating this exact mistakes over & over to better portray the theme & take it out from the boundaries of story-telling to realistic depiction & logical gradual progression:

kyo ran away from being accused of killing his mom (he’s completely innocent & isn’t responsible for his birth’s deformity/curse nor his mom’s suicide)

kyo ran away from accepting kyoko’s words that yuki isnt bad & most importantly that kyo is good. He had found relief in blaming yuki, now you wanna tell me I should look into myself? I’m bad! i dont wanna look. your words are weird “ no bad or good”  Everybody says otherwise, the sohmas, dad & mom! kyo angrily ran away (completely guilty but excused as child would be).

kyo ran away from facing kyoko’s body & wanted to punish himself with death. Depression took over him as “ master tried to get me to keep living”. (completely guilty in his own eyes, if only he tried to safe her, even if he transformed, Even if she still died regardless!!! he hates himself for choosing the disgusting kyo over the kind kyoko)

kyo ran away from telling tohru the truth upon seeing her, pretended not to know her, slowly dying each time she smiles, slowly falling in love & wishing for a chance with her, a chance he believes doesn't deserve.

Kyo ran away in se01, ep14 when remembering the accident as shigure  triggered him. Tohru consoled him & he lost the chance to come clean.

kyo is running away now. Unable to face her “ too scared to even look at your face”. “ I cant forgive me! I dont want you to fogive me either”

So, after running away the first time, kyo should’ve learned better, right? now in the climax, he shouldn’t  have run away? Yes, he should. cuz simply, he isnt ready. We dont learn from our mistakes cuz someone told us. we learn when we fix the core issue. A guy who thinks he deserves a chance in life would stand tall, confess his sins, argues, talks, tells the story unbiased,  then waits for verdict. kyo thinks he doesn’t deserve to be alive, thus, tells the story with server bias towards judging himself as unworthy. HE decided the verdict & didnt wait for tohru: “ I cant forgive ME! I dont want you to forgive me either” That’s why toru’s words fall flat. “ why cant you see the truth: I love you” he can’t tohru!! cuz right now it is NOT abt love. It is abt trauma!

4- Sever guilt & desire for disappearance (death):

As adults our mistakes loom over us & we’re constantly reminded of the “ what if I had acted differently”. This ties with kyo witnessing his mom’s horrible death at 4 years old. Death in itself is scary. A loved ones death is devastating. Watching it unfold in shocking unprepared way is destructive. kyo was destroyed. Not enough: he gotta carry the guilt as his dad & the sohma hammer the accusations. He gets another chance & loves another person. Only to watch the blood splash reach his shoes. “Guilty” whispers the past. “Guilty” confirms the present. He stands in front of the most precious person to him. Now what? If tohru forgives you, the pain goes away???? You wouldn’t repeat the ultimate mistake of killing her, would you? you ominous creature. Her mom warned you. The nightmare stands hovering over kyo’s head, waiting to come true. IT WILL COME TRUE!!! OMG!!!

if Akito does it. It wouldn’t be kyo’s fault, right?  If the car hit kyoko, it’s not my fault, right? if my mom did it herself, it wouldn’t be my fault, right?

But if only kyo didnt ran away, tohru would be alive. If only I pulled kyoko, she wouldn’t have died. If only I wasn’t born, mom wouldn't have killed herself.

The “ if only “ that killed kyo’s mom as she lamented “ if only I gave birth to the rat” will eventually destroy kyo! ugh!!! AMAZING WRITING!!!

5- The Right Time to Heal (self-desire or outside help?):

When yuki was trapped in Akito’s room, haru visited to help. did yuki accept it? NO. yuki didnt even remember much of it. Why? cuz it wasn’t the right time & yuki was too deep into darkness to notice, to accept & to change. It wasnt until he was out, in co-ed school, rebelling against akito, when tohru came, he accepted her, then it lead him to accept School Council & haru. Tohru had Arisa & hana, but never went to them in her darkest moment, hiding she was living in a tent, they were hurt & confronted her, still she kept hiding her fears, sadness & darkest thoughts, interfering in Arisa’s life to provide help, but never allowing them to interfere, until kyo came & broke her mask, she started to complain, talk, show true emotions & want things! She opened up to Isuzu, too. Arisa & hana weren’t the right ppl at the right time for tohru to heal. Kyo had kazuma to teach him better, kyoko to make him notice his mistakes, tohru to love him unconditionally, the right ppl, but all that was in the wrong time cuz he’s in his darkest moment now like yuki was, unable to see or accept. Healing requires self-desire & outside help, but it gotta be in the right moment, when you can see beyond the abyss & into the faint light of dawn. That’s when words will reach the heart. Kyo need to fall so hard, in order to stand up again. Today, he unloaded his burden, threw up the disgust he felt towards himself, spewed all the hate against the real bad guy: himself! Kyo is kyo’s bad guy, has always been. He needs to let go of hating himself & accept the kind gentle kyo that kyoko & tohru saw ~

Side Notes:

This ep is why furuba wins & deserves 20 years of recognition among manga-readers! this story is real! it is NO sweet fairy tale of two lovers. It is abt one’s self & desire to live. All of them struggle with  this particular desire: kyo, tohru, yuki & the rest.

kid kyo was looking for young tohru all night! T_T

this ep of kyo confessing/ narrating his past , reminded me of yuki’s 3 eps of him confessing/ narrating his past!!! ugh! I wish tohru had that! ahhhh.

The 4 months in the mountains weren’t training!!!!! they were depression & suicidal thoughts! ouch!!

Perspectives are what dictate our feelings: Through yuki’s eyes, kyo was so happy with a loving father, friends around him & a house outside the sohmas. Thus, yuki envied him & wished to die not knowing kyo was living in trauma & feeling utter contempt & self-loath. Through kyo’s eyes, yuki was so happy with a living loving family, friends around him & a house with respect. Thus, kyo envied him & wished to die Not knowing that yuki was suffering abuse & neglect!

I love the pacing of this ep!!! It gives room to feel pain & understand the situation!!! I didn’t feel the headache of the bullet train!! THANK GOD!!! SO SATISFIED!!! I was invested all the time!

kyoko’s “ I’ll never forgive you” really destroyed kyo & went beyond it to destroy her own daughter! AAAAAAHHHH ~ T_T

I have some issues with the “ I forgot” part. It makes no sense that they make him forget the accident only to do the cheap cliff hanger in ep 6, then lazily weave it into his confession to tohru in ep. 8. He always remembered the accident. Apologized to tohru in her sleep in se01. ep14 for that exact accident, Then in se02, ep 9. It was ALWAYS in his mind! ALWAYS. Sorry Mr. Director. very lame try. lol.

The only thing I didn’t like is the music! very weird choices throughout the ep! especially at the end. Why a happy music over kyo’s “ I’m disappointed in you? lol!! its sad & tragic?! weird!!!!

I will talk abt Tohru will be in part 2. (her choice, kyo’s answer to her & the need to let go of her mom, the sohmas & of... kyo.

[ao3gingerswag]

Sammy has experience stealing things. He knows Dean will only take his help when he’s desperate, but he’s used to sneaking and stealing things for Dean. When he was little, he saw Dean being hurt for coming home without enough coin, so he tried stealing coin from John to give to Dean while Dean was wandering outside trying to make money. He was caught and Dean came home to Sam hurt badly and Sam was so little that he caved and told Dean all that had happened. Dean held him and cried and cried and made Sam promise not to do it again and Sam did promise, but the temptation is always there.

When market day comes, Sam is given a penny and has a great time buying a fun treat and doesn’t even think until they’re headed home that he could have held on to the penny for Dean to get out of punishment later. He could have saved Dean from a future beating without even stealing. He feels so selfish and short sighted. Now that the thought is in his mind, it feels like any day now Cas will tell Dean to go make money and Dean won’t make enough. So Sam decides to steal a few coins from Cas, slipping them into his pocket after a customer pays for food and finding a good place to hide it. It’s not much, but it gives him a feeling of a little safety until he can trust Cas.

-Ace

omggggg ;~; yes yes baby ;~; he wants to help dean!!! oh no the idea of him trying to steal money for dean to give to john is </3 ! and dean would be fucking hysterical if he came back to find sam hurt because he’d been trying to help dean. maybe sam does Get It that he cant steal from john bc if he gets caught dean will fucking lose it again just be so so fucking sad and scared. and he hates seeing dean like that so he doesnt do that again (breaking dean’s heart is scarier to him than getting hurt on his behalf ;~;). but hes like. ok i cant steal from JOHN. what about other ppl. and maybe thats how he starts pickpocketing. but ofc dean wouldn’t accept that money to give to john, bc he didnt Earn It, and bc he’s too loyal and obedient to even consider lying to him ;~; so instead sam slips the coins he steals into dean’s pockets, so when he goes to give john the $$ hes just like ?? huh i dont remember making that much? weird! (its never enough anyway though ;~; john is always mad. and then dean feels like he failed, but secretly so does sam, bc he didnt manage to steal enough to placate john. and he cant even talk about his guilt to dean bc he doesnt want dean to know!!! oh no ive made myself sad)

thief/pickpocket!sam has a very special place in my heart.

ok i love this idea about market day. i think i mentioned somewhere else that both dean and sam are 100% gonna buy something for each other as like a ~surprise~ come market day. so sam def gets something for dean, but whatever it is, its not just literal coin. and then yes ;~; theyre heading home and sam is happy w/ whatever little toy dean got him, and hes happy watching dean eat whatever sweet sam got him <3 and then hes suddenly like. wait. i should have saved that. dean might need that, to give back to cas later ;~;

so then yes!! he steals some coin from cas. he wants to have a good stash so that maybe it will be enough to appease cas later, but he’s smart so he doesnt just grab a whole bunch of money, bc he knows cas will notice. instead he like. does what u said. he just like pockets the money when he brings someone a cup of ale or something. and he does this like once every few days for a while, and hides the money under a floorboard or something.

(i think cas is way more meticulous than sam realizes tho, partially bc he’s autistic, he likes keeping track of things and having everything be very organized, he’s very detail oriented. so i think he does notice that they’re missing a penny or 2 here and there, whenever sam is on shift. but i also don’t think he thinks sam is stealing, i think he just thinks he’s 10 and distracted sometimes and still learning how to do the job effectively. after all, cas gets short changed sometimes too, when things r really busy. so he doesnt bring it up, bc he doesnt want to discourage sam or make him feel like hes doing a bad job ;~; <3)

anyway now i feel like this could go two directions- either at some point, sam realizes that cas is a good person who does his best to take care of them, and he’s overwhelmed by guilt. he returns the coins, crying bc he feels so bad, is still half convinced cas is gonna hit him, but he’s so repentant that he feels like he would deserve it. ofc cas does nothing of the sort and just comforts him, and sam gets to spill his heart out about how awful it was to watch dean scramble to make money for john and still get hurt, and how he used to steal to try to help him, and how he was scared he would have to do the same thing here ;~; and cas is like i will never ever make ur brother whore again, and i will never hurt him or u for not making money. ;~;

OR! over time he trusts cas more and more, but he still keeps his stash just in case. years go by tho, and he doesnt need it, and he never even thinks about it, bc eventually he’s at the point where he doesnt even question that cas is safe. so he totally forgets about the stash of coins. until one day like 20 years later he finds it again on accident. and hes like a full grown adult in his 30 whos married and hasnt been afraid for his safety in years and years. and he’s like. oh my god. ;~; and he remembers how scared he was back then and how big of a burden he had on his little shoulders. and maybe he sees his childhood self objectively and understands that he was trying so hard to protect himself and dean, even if he came off as spiteful and full of rage. and maybe he lets go of that last tiny leftover bit of self hatred, and forgives himself for the things he had to do to survive <3 ;~;

[kendrixtermina]

To this I would say that productivity & the density of busy inner dialogue chatter associated with being a mental type are veeery different, not necessarily related things.

Doesnt have to be anything useful (recall that 7 asker with the random song lyrics) it just has to be active.

3 or 1 (or a person with a pronounced 3 wing like this one) could have a lot of productivity precisely cause don't waste energy on over-processing but are just focussed on the next useful thing to do.

Notice that all they mention is useful stuff with a purpose (even the "fun" activities) not random speculation/daydreams.

Perhaps what this asker is describing 3-esque "polyphasic/polycentric" thinking, the often thinking of the next thing you'll do (show here combined with the Ni typical pattern of planning the thing completely in your mind & then writing it down exactly like that)

Though I guess they're right to point out that "busy mental activity" isn't a specific enough description of the head-type specific thing.

It's hard to find words that can't be read as implying something that's not *quite* what one means, especially once one has been hit with the realization that some ppl connect/relate much more easily to generic-enough descriptions

Though I suppose this is precisely why discussions like this are valuable to hash out the territory in an increasingly precise way.

Hence also why I've found it interesting to have internet discussions with INTPs of other core types, cause, that's one variable controlled for.

Also makes one aware of how little we really know, day to day, of what goes on behund the eyes of the ppl that surround us.

It would generally be considered too weird to ask bluntly.

I guess in the end it is only relevant to a degree.

Cant speak to the 6 flipflopping/ paradigmn shift thing. Its a little confounding from the outside in that the same ppl do it again & again, and its ppl who are otherwise among the most discerning clever ones around.

If I notice some little discrepancy or non-matching commonality I guess my tendency would be to look for an explanation to resolve it, a finer distinction or how it stacks up with preexisting data.

I'd need to see all the "legs" that a conclusion rests on to get disproven or reexplained differently before I'd discard it, so it takes more to make me consider upending my entire opinion/understanding on something. Idk if thats always a good thing, prolly makes me stubborn some of the time.

Often times the furthest you can get me in an argument is "Hm ill have to look this up & reconsider it" & only after further googling or mulling it over by myself do I realize the other person was, in fact, right.

I've had to deliberately cultivate the skill of checking & reexamining. I've had this phase where I was all into fallacies snd biases and arguing methodology and I'm glad I did.

Though I dont wish to dismiss the difficulty involved when you cant stop double checking every step. Thats something that didn't even occur to me as a possible problem until I heard of that in a typology context & society made much more sense once I did. Perhaps being able to say "Nope I've tested that already, I'm 99% confident" is also one of those things thats a skill that you dont realize is a skill.

I'd be more focussed on how it could be a trap - keeping you from discarding what out to be discarded, being biased by previous notions..

I guess its a reminder that all of us have super glaring neon arrow biases obvious to everyone but outselbes. Its just that those of 6 and 9 are especially visible in the specific task of "decisively sort yourself into one of N categories"

Scary thought, really. That everyone is seeing stuff I can't. Then again if yi think it over reasonably, I likely already know what it is and always have, it's prolly the missing of pll related cues or the environment due to the whole content focus thing.

I recall this convo with this 1w2 redditor who seemed positively shocked by the notion that someone would/ could barely ever look ppl in the face.

He would of course be paying very close attention to his surroundings & ppl's expressions, body language & responses, looking for subtle signs of feedback & evaluation & said he'd feel practically blind without that.

To him this sort of direct focus on surroundings etc. probably is the whole world - Existing in nonoverlapping slices of reality.

I've just read this post and I have a question. Wouldn't having a certain dominant function (Ni and Ti come to my mind) even without being a head type make someone constantly mentally active?

My dominant function is Ni and my brain is in constant effortless working mode. I manage to read one book every two or three days, write at least 1000 words a day and pass all my exams with success. It has nothing to do with being a head type, just Ni. I am literally constantly plotting a story in my head all the time, it's something I can't turn off and fun for me is reading science books and writing my head to toe abstract novel.

One INFP 6w7 I know is spending large portion of her time frantically studying because her brain is constantly panicking she will fail, but beyond that nothing much mentally stimulating. She says her mind is always thinking what could go wrong but she just doesn't have mental energy to do what I can do.

So, I think that what you are talking about are people with certain dominant function and (but not necessarily) a head type (you for example Ne dom with 6 or that person who replied on that post, a Ti dom 5).

I am a Ni with 2w3 and I want to be all-knowing mentor to others but also with a strong desire to learn about things my Ni is interested in on it's own.

And someone like my INFP friend will do all the work her 6 demands but then she does what her Fi wants her to do (things she loves that aren't necessarily something brainy).

I think that if we say that only certain type of people do something without thinking in wider context we could make people mistype themselves (like my friend who immediately started to doubt she's a 6 when I gave her that post to read).

Yes, it would. Thank you for clarifying. The more intellectual your dominant function, the more busy-minded you will be even without being a head type (and it will double-down on busy brain if you ARE a head type -- as an ENFP 6, my brain never shuts off).

It's hard to know where and how to help people with typology, because people want you to narrow things down for them so they can pinpoint themselves... but in doing so, inevitably someone else claims they also do this, so you can't only ascribe it to that type, and then you wind up back where you started -- with "humans are far too complex to fit into narrow type parameters." Which is true, but that does not stop us from trying.

In a perfect world, I would always have an in-depth explanation and answer that gives people clarity about their type rather than confusion, but this is not a perfect world, and I am not perfect. I deal in generalizations and sometimes they are wrong. I am willing to admit it, but my readers are going to have to do some work to sift through everything I say and think about what makes sense to them and seems real.

I feel for the 6s that second-guess themselves when they read something that doesn't apply to them, but they also need to learn to stop doing that and find their grounding in themselves. If anything said by any random person can cause them to doubt themselves, that's just proof of their 6-ness. As someone who deals with the hell of being a 6 myself, I understand and empathize. It's like you can't exist as separate from the opinions of others, and the default is to assume they know more than you do, so they are right and you are wrong, even if you are right. It's HELL.

[poisonouskunoichi-blog]

Field Trip || Cheren&Janine

“Are you fucking kidding me.”

The purple kunoichi stood in stark contrast to the flow of people moving around her on the streets of Virbank City. A growing complex of production and innovation, Janine almost seemed like a sideshow performer as she shifted her weight, toes of her tabi boots curling in frustration. She didn’t even seem to notice how out of place she looked, too busy staring at her phone. The light of the phone glared back at her until suddenly new messages popped up.

roxie: [sorry, babe]

roxie: [it was a last minute gig. cant say no to nicky’s ppl]

roxie: [just hang out for the day and we’ll chill tmrw k?]

roxie: [sorry 💀]

Janine scoffed, sucking on the back of her teeth. Yeah, she’d just “hang” in this city on the other side of the world in a region she didn’t know very well. It wasn’t like this was her first time to Unova, or Virbank City for that matter, but she was always here with someone else--usually Roxie. Who coincidentally just ditched her for some show, which she wasn’t even invited to! She fiddled with the phone before sighing deeply and typing back.

janine: [😑😑😑]

janine: [fine. u o me big time tmrw tho]

roxie: [yes! i will rock ur world 🤘]

She didn’t even bother responding to that, just shoving the phone into her pocket angrily. Great. Now what was she supposed to do? She looked up and for the first time seemed to realize how much she stood out. Normally she would never care but normally, she had someone by her side as if to say, ‘See? This person hangs out with me, so maybe you’re the weird looking one for walking by yourself and staring at people. Yeah, that’s right, keep moving.’

But well, now she was the weirdo alone staring at people who she presumed were staring at her. So she just had to keep moving. She shoved her hands in her pocket and turned on a heel, starting to head back towards the hotel that she was staying at for the weekend. Yeah, here she’d given up her whole weekend to travel to a different continent and already the first day was wasted. Why did she bother even gracing these people with her presence? She’d cancelled visiting her Dad for this!

The more she mulled on it, the tenser she became, her shoulders hunching together. Now what was she supposed to do, just waste the day away channel surfing between crappy Unovan soap operas and shitty Poffin informercials? 

Fuck that! As she reached the hotel, she veered away from the main entrance and spun around. With a huff, she moodily shoved her shoulder blades against the nearest wall and propped up a leg up there as well. Fishing through the endless fabric of her pants, she finally pulled out her phone again and opened her contacts to peruse her options.

‘Yeah, Roxie, turns out you’re not the only friend I have here in Unova,’ she thought to herself bitterly, as if the girl might be listening to her mind. However, to be fair, as she was going down her list, she realized most of the people she could contact weren’t actually friends she’d made here--they were colleagues. Other Gym Leaders she’d met at the various conferences held over the years, people introduced to her by her father, but no one she’d want to hang out with. Like who was she going to call? Brycen? Burgh? Her stomach churned just imagining it.

Then a name caught her eye. Oh shit, she’d nearly forgotten all about him! Which, how could she, really? Besides Roxie, he was pretty much the one she clung to whenever she came to this Arceus-forsaken land. She didn’t know what had originally drawn her to him--maybe it’s because they were the same age in a convention of old farts, maybe she just knew he’d be fun to tease, or maybe they just had some energy that drew themselves together. Somehow or another, they always ended up in each other’s presence, and he ended up being the first person she’d contact in a crisis like this. She opened up the messenger app.

janine: [cheren]

janine: [how fast can u get to virbank city?]

She paused, letting just enough time pass to make the text seem pretty alarming. But just as it was getting on the verge of a real emergency, she made her true intentions clear.

janine: [roxie ditched. stuck in city alone. dying of boredom 💀]

janine: [save me prince of pups ur my only hope]

janine: [srsly tho its a saturday dont even tell me ur busy]

janine: [if i die here and the police are looking at my phone let it be known this is cherens fault]

janine: [he let this happen]

janine: [and now my dad is coming to avenge me and go all ninja on ur ass]

janine: [why didnt u just come hang w/ me? i even offered to come meet u at the subway station and pay 4 ur fare]

janine: [i was nothing but a good friend and now i am dead. and ur about to be ninja’d on]

janine: [if only we could have prevented this]

janine: [goodbye cruel world 😩😩😩]

In all likelihood, three dots have been dancing this entire time, letting her know that Cheren was typing a response. But she did not stop the onslaught of messages. Out of all the skills best honed by a lifetime of hand-eye coordination training, fast texting was definitely the most important out of all of them.

@theidealofstrength

[i-sveikata]

Gabby liveblogs the new teen wolf ep

i mean technically it’s not liveblogging since I’m in australia and the delay obvs but here we go guys prepare for death:

-lololololololo the fuck they always gotta start it at the school cause they cant afford another set anymore

-whut scott is the assistant coach???!!!!!

-omg hayden left?????? why do they literally just remove all of their female characters with nonsense explanations??? hello kira???? havent seen her in a while. do females not exist in beacon hills?? apparently even being a love interest isn’t a good enough reason to keep the gals around anymore dear god.

-’you want my whistle? who gave you a whistle???’ omfg coach finstock is the best

-the fuck was that supposed to be a wolf on the field or a coyote??? or malia???? legit can’t even tell, oh nvmind scott and liam followed it into the woods found a pack of dead wolves with weird bugs that are crawling out of their eyes, naturally.

-malia heading out to paris and not wanting to help anyone with the problem is goals. but you know there are other ways to write female characters without making their only interest being climbing dick you know, we can have depth.

-liam and scott bonding, lol, they cute and feels, scotty all worried he’s losing control, making him repeat the werewolf mantra dear god this is dorky. giving it instrumental impressive music wont change that friends.

-lol, ‘i got ducktape’ this is me.

-oh goody more mental asylum stuff and weird frozen mummified rock shit, is this a throwback to pompeii or what?

-yeah touch the petrified ashy human corpse thing, that’s a great idea obvs like what is even happening right now.

-of course some dude exploded out of it, why are we even surprised people? oh that’s right we’re not. wait who the fuck is that? no wait, i can guess, it’s another mediocre white guy.

-’i like latin’ liam you dork, oh poor kid ‘this has been a really hard year for me’ ‘if you want to talk about your girlfriend guidance hours are posted’ damn girl that’s brutal.

-interesting that all the youngins are getting a senior registration and applying to colleges scenes talking about their futures at school but for the veteran characters we barely got a sentence about it.

-’you can see me right’ omg lol corey are you having some visibility issues.

-who wants to guess this new college guidance lady is probably not human- lol the music just changed and went all sinister like bruh we already got this, literally every new character we meet ends up being evil like cmon.

-who the fuck is this nolan kid- yet another mediocre white boy!!!!!- are they going for the olympics in white boys what is this shit- oh god she wants to talk about the animal attack on the field.

-lol him being like ‘that was no animal’ jesus fucking christ honestly am i in deja vu land are we just repeating tired drama from the first season now.

-liam how do you not know what a scarab is????? have you not seen the mummy what kind of kid are you??

-haha that girl screaming ‘why does this keep happening to our school’ when all the rats show up is the real shit.

-mediocre other mummy white boy appears in the classroom, stares a bit and tries to look interesting and then leaves. wow lifechanging moment.

-naturally liam and mason end up in the pipes again, because where else would teen wolf film things that happen.

-lydia making a bestiary yeah girl. Her mama isn’t being very smart saying no to that- who’s guess is it she dies almost immediately??? yeah girl leave that paperwork in mamas desk. 

-scott trying out his weird electrocution kink with his mum, i am uncomfortable, but also teaching her the ways of electrocution is vaguely sweet.

-mama mccall gonna cover all the werewolf shit when scott is gone i love it. family bonding stuff yeaaaaaahh. oh shit she electrocuted him whilst hugging. family fun times.

-’i held the button, didn’t I?’ ‘you held the buttton’ BEST

-rat king ew is that what they said. gross. lol malia making liam smell the gross dead rat.

-REROUTED. malia is determined to get on a plane to get that french dick apparently.

-how the fuck did mummy white guy end up in the sheriff station???? do the deputies no longer exist?? wheres papa stilinski???

-parrish on the creepy white dude, all is well apparently.

-liam and mason bringing mama mccall a nice dead rat. bring her dinner you sick bastards.

-the fuck??? hallways in flames, parrish meeting another possible hellhound??? what is trying to be said here, fucked if i know.

-weird white guy has some kind of blood kink, sniffing all the injured people in the hospital because of reasons.

-idiot dudes punched liam in the face and he lost his shit. some mantra kid. use the werewolf force. freaky white mummy guy looming in the hallway behind him, cue demon suspense music while he chases for liam now in a closing elevator.

-ANDDDDDD the door closes before mummy white dude can get to him. shocker. i am on the edge of my seat with surprise and  anguish obvs

-lydia showing up to get scott? i thought in the last ep stiles said hed be driving down to campus with lydia together???? does that mean she did and came back for some reason?? or stiles miraculously teleported there on his own. wow i love continuity. good thing im watching teen wolf huh.

-all the lights go out, because its lydia this is teen wolf and EVERYTHING MUST BE DARK AND HARD TO SEE AT ALL TIMES.

-phones ringing are always the most suspenseful thing to happen to me as well, love hearing that dialtone and having a wind machine suddenly blowing hair out of my face before appearing back in... wow you guessed it- the school!!!

-ohhhhhh spideyweb time. love it. gotta touched those creepy webs because otherwise what else could lydias banshee powers possibly do. lots of screaming. love that. was that gunfire? idk here this is stupid. 

-ah yes, lydia miraculously finds the perfect bit of web to touch because of unexplainable reasons.’ YOU LET IT OUT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO RIDE WITH THE HUNT FOREVER’ k thanks im hanging up the web now byeeeeeee.

-how does nobody lock the fucking school doors at this point. parrish and mummy white dude just walked straight in.

-’what are you?’ ‘you know what i am im the same as you’ lololololololololl this is gonna be some weird hellhound pissing contest.

-’something you let out, something that needs to be stopped’ oh goody something new an differernt for us. so innovative.

-ah yes, the pissing contest begins. or fire contest i guess? idk?/ and oh hey the guidance counsellor lady was not as she seemed!!! wow, i never would have seen that coming in my life. thanks

-hey guys when you take away the fire, it’s just two shirtless dudes homoerotically wrestling with each other.

-oh well time for parrish to sleep it off,

-’if the wild hunt couldn’t keep you nothing can’ this is literally sounds like the fucked up adage ‘if i cant have you no one can’ and i am uncomfortable.

-oh boy white mummy guy isn’t after liam- i could never have guess that would happen.

-’it must be stopped nothing else matters’ wow, no, because here I was thinking just let the monster run free and kill people and pile up bodies and stuff. isnt that what teen wolf is about.

-OMG SCOTT GOT INTO THE JEEP  AND FOUND A ‘BE GENTLE’ LETTER FROM STILES THIS IS THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE EP I SWEAR

-what the fuck lydia, popping your ass up in the middle of the headlights like some kind of ghost haunting, ‘we cantt leave’ bruh you need to chill. 

-of course they need some scene with mason giving liam a pep talk like hes the most important character in this show, yeah id totally believe that. hey heres an idea instead of making it about comforting him for losing his girlfriend, how bout you dont write his girlfriend out, there i fixed it.

-malia’s flight no longer delayed!!! haha that squeal of excitement, omg she yelled ‘Oui Oui’ i gotchu girl leave this hellhole while you can.

-opp and heres scott and lydia out to ruin her fun. ofc.

-”no, no nonononono  no, its just rats and wolves- and maybe a little bug problem’ see shes got the spirit. let her get french dick in peace. but also, how the fuck are they gonna explain her and scott hooking up in the future because idk what a fucking ride.

-goes to the window instead because her friends are trying to cockblock her- shes DETERMINED PPL U CANT STOP THE DICK.

-lol scott steps aside and then lydia moves into malias way MY GOD before scott pulls her back out, fuckin i cannot.

-two seconds of disappointed looks but cmon guys lets not pretend that malias an independent person who can make decisions outside of the group- aaaannnnnn shes back. wow. quelle surprise.

-but hey at least she hit scott in the face with her bag, get it girl.

-injured white mummy hellhound staggering through the woods then shift to lydia, malia and scott in the car ‘we opened a door to another world and something came out with us’ THIS IS LITERALLY THE PLOT FOR SEASON 3? 4? THE ONE WITH THE NOGITSUNE CMON PPL.

-of course guidance counsellor college lady is gonna kill white mummy hellhound boy. i support her.

-’what kind of price a big price?” ‘big’ wow, A+ dialogue here, someone give them an emmy for this shit.

-oh no guidance counsellor lady in trouble. bu t of course when push comes to shove, shoot white mummy hellhound boy in the head. but white guy actually died for once???? props. lets see how long hell stay dead before theres a reason that makes no sense to bring him back. cough cough theo.

-two seconds later cause apparently thats enough time for her to escape without the Gang sans stiles noticing. even though two of them have increased hearing and sense of smell?!!!??!! because it wouldnt be teen wolf otherwise.

-lydia ‘i thought you couldnt kill a hellhound’ WHEN WAS THAT EVER SAID??? I LITERALLY DO NOT REMEMBER THAT BEING STATED???

-scott, picking up the bullet casing which apparently killed an unkillable hellhound but hes just so good its not an issue. oh hey, is that a fleur de lis?

-’argent’ ooooooooohhh more suspense. dont think i can take it.

-’the sound of someone who’s never lifted a hand against a human being’ you can says shes a hunter lydia, her trunk was full of murdery shit we get it.

-also whats with teen wolfs repetitive need to make girls have an emotional distressing response to something before they go all ‘i kill you, ill kill everyone, ill kill myself idgaf’ and their expression goes all Tough Girl. like cmon. u realise girls dont all react the same way to the same things right?

-but hey props to guidance lady for not dying, though i mean she’s a girl and shes not white so lets assume her chances arent strong for future eps.

-lol all three of them sitting on scotts bed together. is it just me or should they all just make out, im just saying.

-’can we say we forgot?’ omg lydia PHRASING, u literally forgot stiles barely a few eps ago, dont crush him already.

-’we almost lost him last time’ i just love how the girls have all the emotional lines and scott just gets to sit there a nod like stiles hasnt been his best friend for years and years. but apparently connection on teen wolf means only if you want to fuck each other since scott magically forgot stiles without much effort and the entire season was about lydia getting him back even though they literally werent even dating and theyd given no indication shed even liked him when he was taken. but suddenly shes magically interested in him and the connection with scott, his best fucking friend for life somehow wasnt strong enough and I AM SALTY.

-malia- ’if this turns out to be somthing big and we don’t call him-’ ‘he would kill us’ hey look Scott got to say something accurate about his best friend, yay!

-’you guys didn’t hear his voice, he was really excited to be there’ aww scott, but seriously you asshole writers are still telling me their connection wasn’t enough for scott to bring him back? for shame.

-’lets just play the voicemail’ lol here comes the swelling emotional music.

-but seriously fuck you guys, heres stiles telling scott to leave beacon hills behind him and that its not his responsibility and not to worry about it and take stiles’ jeep (which we know he loves more than anything) and drive, and the instrumentals are getting really emotional showing stiles at the fbi and youre still trying to tell me that scott wouldnt have remembered his best friend without lydia???? fuck off.

-omg the nerd stopped at the fbi seal and straightened his tie i fucking love it.

-seriously whats with this music??? like stiles just won the damn noble peace prize or something just for showing up. its no wonder ppl think scott isnt the main when the writers give stiles all these storylines and attention, like this is not subtle ppl.

-stiles constantly interrupting the fbi dude in the middle of the presentation gives me life omg.

-’one recent manhunt had our crisis response team chasing down a bizarrely feral unsub in the wilderness of north carolina-”

-OFMG LOL ITS DEREK 

-STILES SPAT WATER EVERYWHERE THIS IS GREAT

-are they literally trying to sell that this is current??? like that is clearly season 1 footage of derek what the fuck is happening right now. why cant he just have a vacation for fun, why do the writers have to ruin everything for him but nope, mass hunting derek time ofc,

-the way stiles put his hand over his mouth as if that would cover up the fact that he literally spat water everywhere. smooth stilinski.

-omg the presenter dude look down at the list of names seeing Mieczyslaw Stilinski and legit being like ‘uh... young man’ thats awesome.

-’just got a little excited’ honestly what the fuck teen wolf. you baiting sterek fans or what?

-stiles trying to find out what they’re after him for- ‘Murder’ but what type of murder. “Mass murder’

-suspenseful music AGAIN jesus fucking c h r i s t.

-OMG now they’re just zooming in on dereks tattoo, increasing the music. dude we fucking get it, thats derek hale and you, the writers, fucking hate him. chill.

[moidse]

Okay so, I need to open up about a few things... and its been difficult to find the words. It really resonated with me the other week when you said you just don't want to disappoint me when it comes to sex, i really felt that and wanted to make you feel like i do not see you as a disappointment because i don't-- but it is complicated because i am disappointed that we aren't as sexually compatible as I'd hope-- but i this is something that is outside of either of our control and so i hate to think you are mentally punishing yourself for something that just is. I think thats why this is so hard for me to talk about, because im so scared of hurting you. I just really don't want to hurt you and i feel like i have a wall up when im around you more so then i have with past ppl I've dated-- specifically a wall up about my own sexuality and sexual desires, i notice i do tend to hold back my thoughts and feelings because I worry i would turn you off or just make you uncomfortable and so i just dont say much in regards to you or honestly just my sexual thoughts in general not towards you--i just worry if i shared my sexual desires it would push you away somehow... idk its a tricky situation and ive struggled with how to even discuss it.

Like for example, this is kind of embarrassing to talk about but whatever its not really a secret, so like when i get turned on and overwhelmed i just kinda get quiet and shut down a bit, thats just a thing ive down before ive met you, but like, when this does happen with you I dont know how to even express what is going on through my head because im so worried about making you uncomfortable-- like for instance any party we've gone to together i do get super overwhelmed seeing you in these super hot outfits and i have to constantly tell myself to like keep my eyes looking at your eyes and not wandering and i just dont even know if it would make you feel uncomfortable if i were to say hey i think x body part looks super hot in that.. like or if you'd just laugh at me saying that like when i said i was turned on when we were making out, i just fear the reaction wouldn't be good so i just stay quiet about my thoughts and desires and sometimes it does get to me. When i see you in those outfits when we went to the party, when i see you in those black lacey underwear its like, my brain freezes and is no longer in the present, my consciousness has shifted into all of my fantasy thoughts of how I'd to touch you and everything i wish i could do to you because you look so hot and i cant stop thinking about it and my mind goes off in a daze, like a trance and i feel like normally i would be more vocal about my wants and desires when this happens but with you im like you probably do not wanna hear my thoughts and fantasizes because it would make you uncomfortable/ you are zero percent interested in doing these things and it isnt something hot for you so i just need to not say anything-- and that sometimes does get to me and makes me feel sad a bit... like tbh i do masturbate thinking about you, i mean i have for quite sometime now, and its just like at first i would try not to think about my fantasizes that i felt like you wouldnt be into, i would police fantasizes and be like no leah you can't even think about wanting to do these things... then not super long ago i was like fuck it i can think about whatever i want, i can think about all the things i wish i could do with you... and so i started fantasizing and masturbating to the thought of all the things i wish we would do but im pretty sure are outside of your comfort zone and that's now almost making me sad too-- its like after i cum im just like man that sucks that this is just a fantasy that i can't actually do.

And the thing is is its like, sex is a two way thing, like hypothetically if you were okay with some of the things i want to do its just like not the same if you are just neutral/lukewarm about it and actually turned on and want these things to happen as well. Like thats way hotter and i dont wanna just do the motions of sex while you arent invested or engaged because that's depressing and id rather not do it at all. Which is why ive never mentioned these things. Sometimes i think well we can work on this and other times i worry that we cant change just how we are very different sexually tho, like yes i can teach you how to touch me, i can teach you how to pretend to be into it but deep down I'll just be focused on how its you pretending to be engaged and you aren't actually interested in doing any of this-- it takes me out of it and its just hard to let go and relax, im worried about so many things and sex is only good when you're truly relaxed and trust the other person.

It just sucks. I often get overwhelmed and just want to touch you SO BAD. I just want it so bad and i have to pause and hold back and it just is soooo sexually frustrating!! But at the same time i want to touch you i want to go down on you i want to do all these things because i want to make you feel good and its like if these things cause anxiety and shit and make you uncomfortable then i don't wanna do it. It sucks. I just want to touch you, i want to feel you up, i want to hear you moan-- i just want to please you and make you feel good in these intimate ways... i wish you wanted to touch me and feel me up and hear me moan too tho, i wish you craved these things for me and its like at times i can feel you don't and it does take me out of it. I want you to want to touch me, i want you to fantasize about me like how i do for you but i know you just dont operate that way, its like what do you find hot about me? What turns you on about me? Because i can go on about all my fantasizes and stuff but it just feels weird to share when i dont even know what you think is hot about me.

And tbh the other day when we were talking about sex, i said i enjoyed you grinding on me and you did that after i said that and it made me realize i shouldve specified-- it wasnt just you grinding on me that was so hot-- tbh that time we had sex after i traveled back from Cleveland was the hottest time we've fucked for me and it made me really happy & hopeful, although i was so tired my memory was splotchy so i could even be misremembering what made it the hottest for me. I just remember you being on top of me and being like the most aggressive I'd experienced without me even asking, which was so hot and it made me feel like you weren't just lukewarm but were truly enjoying yourself and we were both into it which was so hot and what i want. I just remember you on top of me being aggressive and i was super into it and like moaning like crazy and quickly asked you to finger me. And as you were fingering me i remember feeling you grinding against my leg while wearing those super hot lacey black underwear-- and now idk if this was sweat or what, but tbh i could feel wetness as you were grinding against me and THAT was why it was so SO hot for me. That was the FIRST and really only time i had evidence that you were turned on and into it and thought i was hot and fucking me was hot and it just felt reassuring that you are into it and arent just doing the motions of sex. I didnt ask you to grind against me. You were just acting and doing what felt right and pleasing yourself rubbing against me and it was so hot.

Usually, i don't really get any evidence that you're turned on. I don't get an auditory moans or sighs. I dont get to feel you being wet, i dont get to feel ur nips being hard or anything. I dont get any signs that you are turned on besides you later telling me you are but i don't get any signs or validation in the moment and that time was so hot because i didnt even have to ask but you were just rubbing urself against me and i could feel you being wet which only turned me on more. Its like i want you to be enjoying yourself too. I dont want it to be one sided. A lot of the part that turns me on is seeing/hearing my partner being arousing and into it and i don't get that from you and its hard to get into it when it just feels like youre helping me masturbate rather then we are fucking... like i want to feel that you are invested, present, and into & engaged--but that one time when werr you being aggressive and rubbing yourself against me i felt for the first and only time that we were both into it and it wasnt just you touching me.

It sucks because i dont want you to feel bad. I understand we are just different and it is what it is. This isn't something that is a big deal that i want to like break up with you. Sex isnt everything and i feel we are compatible in so many ways-- it just is something i wish was different and more satisfying but it is what it is.

Another thing thats hard for me to speak on-- so i do have bottom Dysphoria and i feel very nervous about talking about it and my desires that validate my bottom Dysphoria because im like 99% sure you are zero percent interested in doing any of the things and it would just hurt me to have that confirmed so i just dont even vocalize it. It sucks cuz in the past year ive realized i do have bottom Dysphoria and i shouldnt feel ashamed and embarrassed by it and its something im still working on... but its like I've realized its hard for me to cum and be really turned on when i don't get to express my transexual desires. I think its especially hard because i still feel shy about it. The last person i was with was the first time i had ever been open about my bottom Dysphoria and it taught me a lot about myself. It sucks that i feel pretty confident that these desires that would validate my bottom dysphoria are off the table and would make you uncomfortable. Its hard and im too afraid to even ask and have that confirmed because it would hurt me too much.

But i guess i need to be brave and have this tough conversation and express my desires that I'm holding back just to know if any of them are something you'd be down to do and if not its fine. It probably would just be better for me to know rather then continuously wonder and feel sad about it.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, SE02, Ep22

I was pleasantly surprised that this was one of the best balanced eps concerning tohru as of yet!! They touched upon her being mom-figure in the first half but proceeded to humanize her afterward, depicting her as normal girl!, frustrated, vulnerable & somewhat silently struggling. I was right in my prediction that the moment yuki lets go of mom-tohru image, the show will too!! I’m happy!! finally, No more angels in the sky. But only real tohru with flaws, ugliness & humanity.

-Yuki’s acceptance of past feelings & change towards new ones:

The show is aware that they’ve been using the fake love-triangle initially but it actually has an explanation within the story. Yuki is attracted to tohru, so much, but it isn’t romantic at all. his attempts in “correcting” how he perceived her didn’t set right with him & he felt weirded out more! The show brilliantly depicted these “flirty scenes” with a hint of uneasiness. Yuki’s lines/ moves felt cringey & artificial “do you like my act, princess”,”I’ll kidnap you”, being encouraged by Aya to compliment tohru as a boy should. The signs are all there except not in your face, & the writer deserves praise!! Yuki, being perceptive, was able to reach such conclusion, not only by looking into himself, but by also at looking how kyo interacted with her, differently from him. Kyo sees tohru as a woman & is attracted to her romantically & altho kyo’s words & interactions with tohru lacks princely smoothness & have a hint of awkwardness, it was natural, genuine & spontaneous. Kyo didn’t put on an act or forced himself to flirt or deliberately chose words to impress tohru. Yuki was able to notice tohru only looked romantically towards kyo. Yuki used all his observations to reach another conclusion abt himself too!!! What he wants in a relationship is sth similar to kyo/tohru!! Mutual & equal relationship. He won’t be satisfied by one-sidedly giving or taking.

-The Author’s brilliance in writing traumatic-based behavior ( Kyo/yuki’s best interaction!! ) :

-an anon cryptically warned me that I’ll be disappointed in kyo this ep cuz of a certain scene with yuki. After watching it, I can tell you without a doubt I’m not disappointed at all!! Rather I’m beyond satisfied that I’ve decided to trust the author. Ms. Takya is genius in depicting traumatic-based behavior! Any other writer, would write the scene less raw, yuki would still shine defeating his inner demos, but kyo would only grunt, or say sth mild. cuz the writer might fear that it might risk showing kyo as the stupid guy behind in his growth compared to the successful yuki ,or annoy the readers/viewers who are so eager for these boys to reach mutual ground. Only a great writer will be brave enough to write kyo as his trauma/ faulty copying mechanism logically dictates!

-We spent an entire season with yuki, saw him yell at kakeru’s insensitive hurtful remarks, cry knowing he was saved cuz a friend risked freeing him, it took a locked dark room, paint fumes, PTSD, tons of monologues before yuki finally let it all out! & you want such brilliant writer to make kyo turn around & be nice to yuki all of a sudden after episodes of fights & no perspective insight? You bet such amazing writer will give kyo’s perspective its time & his development the logical progress he needs. This writer is all abt logical & realistic progression! whether positive or even negative, the characters will come across human, raw, realistic & real during & after their journey.

- Going through kyo/yuki’s dialogue, it will tell you that furuba is NOT abt friendship saving the day, or abt successful growth. It is abt the journey these traumatized children are undergoing now that they are nearly becoming young adults. Yuki’s journey was amazing not cuz he succeeded (as amazingly as this is) but cuz it made sense from his perspective, was realistic, logical, matched his coping mechanism & character traits & it took the needed time. Now for kyo, all his reactions should match his perspective, & make sense giving his coping mechanism. He wasn’t given time yet. so, he won’t grow much yet. “Making a fool of me?” kyo didn’t see yuki’s perspective abt the hat. he thinks yuki did it on purpose to taunt him.That HE saved tohru while kyo fails as always. “Praised by others, needed by them” Kyo like everybody in school, always thought yuki is a prince, loved, & admired. Kyo is not the audience, he didn’t see yuki’s struggle.”surpass me easily while I struggle” kyo may train for years with tears & blood, but the rat will beat him always cuz he is superiors. “an idiot that never gets anything, wants an idiotic impossible thing” “if only I gave birth to the rat, I’d ve been happier” kyo’s mom wished or the impossible. So did kyo. He wished that he’d prove to her that he can be the rat’s equal. She shouldn't have died becuz of him. An impossible wish.

-I personally think that kyo’s journey will take a different path from yuki’s. Unlike yuki, kyo’s been accused & proved to harm others somehow, intentionally or unintentionally. Some not even in this world anymore. So there are things in kyo’s journey that can’t be fixed. Nothing will bring his mom or kyoko back to life. He can’t apologize to them. There is NO forgiveness here as kyoko said!. Hence, the writer will brilliantly make kyo fall so hard & reach rock bottom so bad before he stands up again!! It matches his personality too!! He’s a person who struggles in expressing himself verbally, gets overwhelmed with emotions, stubborn, hard on himself & fiery in nature. Moreover, due to his trauma, he harbors very low self-esteem & due to his guilt, he is drenched in self-loath.

-The addiction of destructive coping mechanism ( Writing Brilliancy):

Kyo has one of the most destructive coping mechanism in the show. Similarly to what his father did by illogically dumping all the blame of the mom’s suicide on 4 year old child, which resulted in hurting kyo, kyo adopted his dad’s ways & dumped it all on yuki. Illogical. wrong. but it works!! it numbs this tingling sense of guilt, it puts the voice that goes “ you’re unforgivable” temporarily to sleep. All the hate is on someone else. not me. I’m not a monster. does it work all the time? NO. cuz NO drug does! All drugs has this temporary effect, that unless you break away from, will end up destroying you. “don’t you want it that way? you wouldn’t want to have anyone to hate?“  I’m still confused if this is kyoko or his mom. It has kyoko’s hair, the words are very harsh. Kyoko from kyo’s perspective shifts between extremely kind & cruelly harsh! but regardless, the truth has been spoken. Kyo’s eyes are opened. He can’t force blind himself anymore. he does NOT hate yuki. he “ acts like hating yuki is sth you needs to do”, as shigure said! hating yuki is his way to escape from his destructive self-loath. He hasn’t been hating or fighting yuki for a long while, he tries now, one more fight, one more dose of the drug, let the pain go away! Nope. Yuki is not participating, yuki is in the light now. You are drenched in the darkness, as unforgivable as you are. Monster eyes & all. Kyo breaks the window to break away from the memory. from this point on, it escalates to rock bottom as the drug is no longer working & hating himself with no escape is all he’s left with.

-Protecting leading to hurting:

yuki brings kyo attention that while he’s been hard on himself & resisting change, he is hurting tohru. Sth kyo chose confinement in oder to NOT do. Kyo being distant from class activities “life” is his choice. Tohru suffering is a consequence to that choice. Kyo, once again, overwhelmed by tohru’s desire to include him in their activities “ life”. Helplessly & painfully looking at her & acknowledging yuki’s words. Kyo in one of his most vulnerable moments, matched only by true form hug scene, is desperate for a hug. Not only cuz he loves her, but cuz he needs her, cuz he’s so tried of himself, cuz she’s so endearingly stupid waiting for him all by herself when she could’ve easily caught him home!! Ugh! tohru! T_T. Except this time, kyo is aware of his surroundings, it’s school, no place for transformation. As kyo decides to change his position from hug to head rest, he stares so intently in her eyes. Embracing her with his presence. For a moment there I felt weird. Like I was intruding on a personal moment between two ppl. XD. This moment was this excellently weird mix of tenderly romantic, bittersweet cuz they cant be together hug, & sexually tensed! one of the most successful kyoru moment that truly depicted emotions visually without needing much dialogue!

Side Notes:

kyo/yuki interaction was their most honest, filter-free & raw moment! each said what he really felt. yuki’s directly telling kyo to complain to him, which kyo did. yuki urging kyo to see that punishing himself hurts tohru.

I appreciate that Yuki won’t tell tohru now, cuz it will ruin their progress towards a better balanced relationship. Tohru’s lid hasn’t even been touched, so she would be cautious interacting with him. But once she opens her lid, her self-worth increase & her desire to focus on herself more is ignited!, she’ll listen to him without taking his burden as hers. just like kakeru did. Equal friends.

I wanted to talk deeper abt machi & yuki, but didn’t want it to be overshadowed by kyo’s analysis. Next time for sure!

I love how the writer included the most spontaneous flirting moment between kyo & tohru right after yuki explained that he saw her non-romantically. The writer wants the comparison to be clear cutting ties to any love-triangle misunderstanding that might linger from previous scenes. Moreover, it showed yuki fully & genuinely accepting kyoru!!

I’ll never be over tohru acting like normal teenager & chasing kyo, trying to catch the script!!!! These small moments while having not much effect on the grand plot, help depict tohru with her own feisty style of stubbornness beyond the one-sided kind image we always see.

This ep has well-written & visually appealing scenes. Visual imagery were well-implemented in kyo/yuki scene & kyo/tohru last scene.

Thank you anime for drawing tohru older, pretty & more mature in the final scene. She looked like a woman in love & silently in pain. My baby is growing!

Why is kyoko holding the hat in KYO’s flashback!!!! she’s wearing the same white dress from yuki’s memory?? What the heck is the hat’s story?!!!