#i cant accept reality
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I still wish my art was known
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Someone save mona from these fags
#art#digitalart#p5#persona#persona 5#p5r#persona 5 royal#shuake#akeshu#goro akechi#akira kurusu#ren amamiya#akiren#my art#i cant draw rhem happy without thinking of the ending where you accept marukis reality 😭#am i the only one who sees akechi as blonde in their head
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never change, man !
#phantom of the paradise#potp#swan potp#nightmaretheater#65 layers and about 24 hours . Eeeyyuppp#Look into my beautiful mind boy#Its a bit unusual to what i usually draw#but i had to push a specific look for this piece#hopefully you all are picking up on the corperate look . the advertisment look#Sneeze. Anyways my point is industry destroys creative people. This includes swan#I feel like phrases like these ; how he was put on a pedistal…. it lead him to be Like That#as awful as he is he desperately needed help#it might seem like vanity on the surface#but i think its… more than that#long story short: we need to destroy the beauty industry. the skincare industry. the anti-aging industry#It ruined his psyche forever and he cant let go of the ideal version of himself he will never truly be again#i dont think he can at this point. hes in too deep and hes suffering for it no matter how much he feels hes fixed his problems#he cant accept a version of himself that isnt that perfect young man. because he never confronted his problems. he just ran away#anyways . Hi swath *punches him**kicks him*#i dont care if nobody gets me lalalalla my truths and headcanons are awesome forever and i live in my own reality lallaallal#sorry i think im gonna be posting about swan alot for a few months hes making me sick#i wass gonna post this earlier but my internet was real bad#*lays down in my pile of pillows* eat up boys. haha#sidenote: drawing white blond people is horrifiying. Boy your skin and hair are the same color. Introduce some contrast to yourself. Please#adding on: its inportant to note this focuses on him looking st himself in the mirror alot on purpouse#to remind himself what he ‘’’’really’’’’ looks like#the 4 middle pannels all represent that too . u have to be in my brain ri get this#sorry for unleashijg another swan essay in my tags. will happen again lol
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no one told me that the simone-karl plot from why women kill would rip my heart out and stomp it into little itty bitty pieces
#why women kill#im so late to this#but they mean so much to me#people talk about the beth ann plot being the best but like...#"please youre my best friend”... “its not enough”#turning into#“i want only you here”... “you're the love of my life”#but still in a plaTONIC WAY#where simone accepts the reality of their love and puts aside her pride and chooses to show up for karl#because hes her favorite person in the whole wide world even if they dont love each other romantically#and she cant imagine life without him#and then ends up...#and her devoting her life to...#bahhhhh im dead#literally deceased#~~like karl~~
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As much as I love fleshing out Thranduil's character and family history and I enjoy worldbuilding for Eryn Galen and the Silvan Elves, it's also often a disheartening past time because.
Upon observation of the fandom, you often get that sense that most Thranduil lovers just want writers to quit yapping about pesky details and give them the one-shot Reader Insert smut.
#this could be true for other characters#but i think its especially true for characters like Thranduil#he IS sexy so i guess it cant be helped??#check the notes on Thranduil x Reader fics if you dont believe me#it's just....i just dont... even write smut#so i must make my peace with this reality#and ive mostly come to accept it i guess#im just gonna keep going#by the way if you're one of the few who DO like the character development worldbuilding and headcanons#and engage with me#you are precious beyond words#i do this for me AND YOU#Thranduil
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I think when you want to talk about silco's emotionally abusive parenting then you HAVE to acknowledge that he genuinely cares about jinx and lack of love and care isn't why he fails her, he fails her specifically because he loves her for her AND as an extension of himself. and he is ALSO abnormal, if jinx straight up went 'hey father figure I'm seeing demons and my deceased family members whisper abuse into my ears all hours of night and day' he would be like oh yes that's the shadow demon ralph who attaches to our family and conjures up images of our past regrets, my father saw one too before he threw himself off the bridge. like of course he failed her as a parent, he's delulu in a way that he thinks they are both doing fine
#arcane#silco and jinx#silco#mine#i jest but i do think that the belief that love cant coexist with abuse is wishful thinking for simplicity of human dynamics#the reality that you can be loved and still mistreated is just a hard contradiction to accept
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Real for this
I just want to say that... TSAMS has given us some trauma we can never heal from, they let us get good and attached to a character for a YEAR and then ripped Solar away.
Im always going to remember him as the one who actually made me cry (no thanks to Kat and her amazing work at Earth crying, broke me honestly. Especially the "i was going to ask him to be my brother instead of cousin" thing, and Lunar asking if he was having another nightmare?? Im never healing from this.
Some parts of me want to know what BloodMoon's reaction will be to Solars' death, because if i remember properly... Solar is the only person who never betrayed them, woukd they did not care? Would they be slightly upset?
And Jack! Jack has no idea what to even do with himself, freshly given free will the day his creator died. Does he understand the extent of this? Probably, but lets be mentally ill here and say Jack just... doesnt know what to do, lost without his creator. What if *he* snaps and attacks Ruin?
So many possibilities
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it was just going to be a few warmup doodles but then she infected the rest of the page like the ever eternal and spreading spores. hod!!! hod. hod :)
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#hod#hod lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#I GUESS i almost forgot i drew her box form#lobcorp spoilers#and michelle actually. ..#both very tiny. itty bitty. microscopic#other sephirah there too as normal. i cant have her alone. and Angelina as well on the top patting her#i have a hard time fully capturing her for some reason. in my mind. maybe its because is the disconnected period!!! mentally#she genuinely wishes to care and be kind yet theres a dissonance with what she does..? or how it ends up being taken or what she does to en#up bringing those actions into reality. she can be forceful? wanting to have employees attend therapy sessions and meetings for suppression#tactics. which i think is also something the safety team is incharge of iirc. so that means shes doing way more that what she needs to on#her job as a sephirah. just for the sake of employees#she really does care as shes one of the only to Directly attempt to change their circumstances and quality of life and health#sure chesed doesnt punish employees when they dont do their work assigned or stress them out with work#but he doesnt actively push to attempt to make changes to aid employees besides the research perks which is to the manager#yesod IS right next to her and does also genuinely care but when it comes to employees hes distant at best when it comes to them and the#way he tries to protect them is by enforcing rules but he doesnt really create or attempt to help them like hod does#yesod is sort of a passive? way of doing it. yes he doesn make a push to enforce said rules but he doesnt make new ones. just follows what#is already there in place. hod tries to make new ways and not just for the safety of people like how yesod's has them physically fine and#not letting them over a certain threshold of mental corruption but she tries to have a program to Directly Address such a thing#its born out of care but the genuine worry of being a good person and her naivety ends up having it do more harm than good#sure there may be some employees that actually like and find it useful but so many are just accepting to their fate of Dying to where#her care seems pointless. shes a sephirah and to them a literal metal box why would they go ahead and feel bad for what an 'ai' is feeling#as she is interrupting their free time in the company#which is rude. and shit. iirc the counseling is compulsory but people go because shes a sephirah and their superior. the thought was there#but again it comes off wrong and ends up not working because shes their superior in the end#EEK!!! yeah... hod. the hod. there is WAY more but i can't fit it all here and i already typed enough
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Bela realising she's bi and coming out to her immigrant mom in like two days by holding hands with a girl and her being completely fine with it is...not a brown experience.
Idc what people say, that shit doesn't happen. I get it's a comedy and they already had Leighton's coming out arc but this Bela storyline could have had legs to speak on the homophobia in desi culture.
#tslocg#i know people were so happy with the scene but i cant help but bring that down to reality#the sex lives of college girls#bela malhotra#people say that its refreshing to have a desi mom accept it but if you want your show to be about experiences and growing pains then show ot#it*
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it is not controversial to say that if you cannot finacially, emotionally provide for a child and/or your genetics would lead to them suffering then you should not have said child.
#anti natalism#anti natalist#antinatalism#antinatalist#seriously the amount of people who scream eugenics.#you have no fucking clue what eugenics is#you are screaming your support for children being born into already negelctful and abusive situations just for your own liberalism.#And guess what--animals in the wild who have genetic disorders dont get to pass on their faulty genes either#it isnt rude for me to say it. it's reality#and if you cant accept reality than thats even more reason you should nto be allowed to breed#i myself have endless genetic predisposures. schizophrenia diabetes heart disease arthritis.#even if i had the finances and wanted a child i know it would be COMPLETELY unethical to gamble with their life.#you all have gambling addictions and are control freaks
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Cant stop fucking thinking about Jean when Neil was spending christmas at evermore. Do you think for a fleeting moment he felt hope that Neil came to evermore and thought that his promised forever partner was finally coming to stand by his side in the face of Riko's cruelty? To have someone share the burden with him?
Do you think he felt SICK with guilt at thinking this of Neil? Do you think he forced himself to push down any kind of hope at Neil staying by his side, again and again, until Riko let Neil go? Do you think he forced himself not to get used to a supportive presence by his side so he could spare himself the grief and heartbreak when, inevitably, he would be alone again when Neil left? Do you think despite all of it, he still lingered as he watched Neil get driven out of evermore, when he was being left behind again?
#I am SICK to my stomach with these thoughts#i cant stop thinking about how jean#who accepted evermore as his reality forever#instead of hoping he would one day be free#he started hoping someone would be in the same shoes as he is#just so he could find comfort in that person#and i would NEVER blame him for it#because this is THE ONLY SOLACE HE IS CAPABLE OF IMAGINING#GOD WHATHEFUCK#aftg#the sunshine court#tsc#neil josten#all for the game#jean moreau#andrew minyard#andreil#jeremy knox
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byeeee
#me literally thia afternoon discarding anime and posting about how i wish i had never gotten into it and how no one should watch anime but#really it was just about me slipping on seperating the fictional horrors from my actual horrors so watchong yuji claw at the ground#wasnt a “off gege ur horrible” it wS more of a#“i cant breathe im going to die i cant handle this life this is too much there is too much pain i wish i never put this visual in my mind”#and “genuinely i cant stop sobbing im so fucked up by this i remember reality now this is not good for me im going to fucking break”#but then i went back to “damn rhere are some good paralells i can make from this” and then saving the parallels in my to do list#so#shoutout mental illness#but really shoutout the terrifying ordeal of exostence and feelings i cant wait for my brain to get back to the usual compartmentalizing#and by compartmentalizing i mean detaching from reality bc i wont lie its great and it works and it does get better you just#have to get better at actively disociating. like fr practice stepping away from your feelings and accepting that nothing matter except what#u want to matter. and only let things that dont hurt matter.#once u get good at that its smooth sailing#❤️#mind over matter and manifest away ur mental illness#a.k.a. dont think just blank out the present until a treat shows up and then when that treat is done exit back into the blankness#fr im still alive bc of this srs theres nothing wrong with erasing the bad stuff#repression gets a bad hype bc ppl always confuse it with shit that will “come back to get u later lol thats only if ur not good enough at it#ive had minimal problems bc of this so far i rarely get triggered like that yuji thing came and went#forget everything until you want to absorb things that u want to absorb. repress if it keeps u alive. actually repress is a bad word for it#i feel “delete it” works better bc u shouldnt push it down#just delete it#teru mikami style#proof that light yagami did nothing wrong#gremlin hours#no. motivation quotes and life advice hours
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i have horrible second hand embarrassment issues that make it hard to do literally anything but other than that my autisms empathy is LOW
#pov i have little patience for things that i think have simple solutions (which is not even reality#emotions and conflict are never black and white)#(i had to learn to not be an asshole)#but the second there is even the slightest bit of awkwardness to a situation i want to cry and scream and throw up#even just earlier i was listening to my peers accept their awards and when i could tell they were a lil embarrassed/nervous i felt it x10#i was up there talking like shaking and shit but ill be damned if i cant mask every emotion with my voice at least#i get kinda animated with reading/storytelling anyways even if im scared of so many eyes
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MARVIN ALWAYS GETS THE THINGSSS HE WANTS EXCEPT THE THINGS HE WANTS EXCEPT THE THINGS EXCEPT THE THINGS MARVIN ALWAYS GETS THE THINGS HE WANTS EXCEPT THE THINGS HE WANTS
#gotham#edward nygma#kristen kringle#im not explaining this. you either get it or you dont#i will clarify edward is marvin though why would kristen be marvin#tbh their relationship feels similar to marvin and goldberg like when ur not seeing goldberg as a groomer this is them#edwards selfishness leading to the death of a innocent woman but ed deludes and rationizes his actions so he doesnt have to face the realit#of what hes truly done. this is his ass got isabellaed he forced himself to stop seeing her as a human being right after he started seeing#her as one. he cant accept a reality where he is capable of hurting people so he finds a way to justify it
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Bellumbeck is such an interesting final boss, because not only is it your ally, some of the bosses actions/details make it clear that Linebeck is fighting back. Retraining Ciela instead of killing her, using moves he's seen Link do, and more darkly in the manga - willing to destroy himself if it protects Link. Link is forced to fight not just an ancient evil - but one of the closest friends he's ever made besides Tetra, and one of the few adult figures he respects. To fight Linebeck is to potientially lose another mentor as was with The King of Red Lions
Bellumbeck is so… he really stands out from pretty much all of the other final bosses and its so cool- and it’s like you say, Bellumbeck is not just some final form of varying flavors of Evil Thing or a dangerous character whose defeat the world would benefit from, that’s your fucking friend. It doesn't feel heroic like other final bosses, it feels like a desperate fight for the survival of you and your friends.
Linebeck being capable of fighting back or otherwise resisting Bellum is an interesting one; definitely a fun way to give him some sort of agency or role to play, suggesting that he may be fighting against Bellum just as hard as Link is. I think I've seen some people suggest that the slight hesitation or pause before some of Bellumbeck's attacks may be caused by Linebeck trying to stop himself (like the manga shows him doing).
I absolutely ADORE the idea that Bellumbeck uses a spin attack because it's something that Linebeck has seen Link do. The idea that it might be unconscious, or something Bellum just happened to pick up on from Linebeck's memories... UGH it's good no matter how you justify it.
On the other hand, I personally don't see how Linebeck fighting back would've had an effect on Bellum restraining rather than killing Ciela. I understand stuff like a hitch in the attacks or unconsciously influencing what attacks are made, since all of that is stuff that Linebeck has a direct (though unwilling) hand in, but Bellum grabbing Ciela is something that... Bellum individually does. I don't imagine that Linebeck would be able to have any ability to influence what Bellum himself does, especially considering that even if he can affect the part he's directly involved in it's only ever a small effect. Bellum restraining rather than killing Ciela is, I think, a deliberate choice on Bellum's part without any input from Linebeck, and honestly even that way it's still interesting to think about.
The manga's take on events is interesting, especially with the idea that, to some degree, Linebeck was able to overpower Bellum in order to move how he wanted (even though it was clearly limited to only specific parts and with clear difficulty) and the idea that he'd do... well, anything he can to ensure Link's safety is pretty good.
The general concept of a Link having to fight a possessed person isn't really new and wasn't new when Phantom Hourglass rolled around, but I honestly think ph did it best, holy shit. Link having to fight a close friend and someone in a role akin to a mentor to him is already one hell of a devastating setup, but one extra thing I've seen others point out is that the Bellumbeck fight is the second time Link's be faced with a sword fight with another human, and he ended the first one by killing his opponent. So, that's a fun correlation for Link to make during this fight!
Bellumbeck is just... it's such a cool, unique battle even compared to the other final bosses, and while it may fall short in difficulty or gameplay, it has some fantastic music and all of the story and character surrounding it is honestly amazing.
#asks#anon#loz#legend of zelda#phantom hourglass#bellumbeck#bellum#linebeck#going to upfront admit that i'm actually a bigger fan of linebeck being helpless during bellumbeck#that he's so vulnerable to bellum's control that he is completely unable to muster up the strength to do anything#giving this a 'keep reading' bc its long#anyways free bellumbeck fight headcanon that i think is cool :))))#link gets so upset and frightened by the visual/concept of linebeck getting possessed and forced to fight him that for the first few#minutes of the fight he's in denial having himself convinced that it's just a bad dream and that he's waiting to wake up now#and he doesn't fight back or accept that it's actual reality until he gets hit really bad and realizes he's not waking up as he's in pain#i have not played all of wind waker i cant say anything cool abt the king of red lions or that whole ganondorf fight#salty talks#ty for the ask btw!
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Hngngng my ADP apointment isn't thorough another fortnight but I just realised what a FANTATSIC birthday present thst getting sorted would be bc the first payout would be backdated *months*
#im not entirely sure how its calculated tho so idk how much ill hypothetically get#it seems to be based entirely on perdonal response and description of difficulties#which is SO refreshing but makes me question how much they'll actually offer even for the most debilitating of disabilities#when theoretically anyone could just go in and say oh nah yeah i can never do anything without assitence#perhaps having the interviews to verify documents is a part of that? idk#im autistic and desperately scrabbling at the poverty line man getting any additional funding would be a gamechanger#im. gradually coming around to the reality that we pretty much depend on fast food in order to est consistently#and thats okay. its a lil difficult for me to accept bc i was raised on takeout being a treat#but. like. this month has been easier in part bc we *can* afford takeout a couple times a week#even if its just grabbing breakfast from greggs or something#like sure we can both cook but. adhd time blindness#keeping the kitchen clean enough#having the fucking energy to prepare a meal after work??#i manage sometimes but its a major drain and alfie basically cant#so yeah no havint extra money to buy meals means we're actually eating every day lmao#a bag of chips is better than nothing
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