#i cannot believe this i got called deadpool

[zerobaseonefics]

calling yourself venom but you remind me of deadpool

NOT THIS MF????????

I CAN SEE WHY YOU SAID THAT BUT I'M TAKING IT AS AN INSULT

[hannibals-favourite-meal]

How about #2 with Thor,Arthur, or Deadpool? 🙃💛

.⋆｡Put Some Clothes On You Slut ｡⋆.

Arthur Curry x plus size reader

Arthur loves to tease you when you have things to do but you can give it as good as you get

Warnings: nudity, teasing, fluff, implied smut, reader calls Arthur a slut (like we all know he is)

WC: 1.1k

Minors DNI

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

3000 Follower Celebration

“Ok so we have dinner with your parents tonight but we’re in charge of drinks and dessert so I was thinking that you could run into town to get a nice bottle of wine while I made a pie. And then oh yummy just so- Arthur!” You looked up from where you had been folding the long overdue laundry only to see your fiancé wander into the bedroom dressed only in a towel that did nothing to hide the way his ‘gift’ swung as he moved. Your thoughts quickly trailed off to a place you had no time to go before you caught yourself.

“What?” He asked but the smirk on his stupid face gave him away. You angrily pointed at him.

“No. This is not happening.” 

Arthur dramatically put his hand on his bare chest like he was offended. “What’s not happening? Dinner? That’s disappointing, I was looking forward to it.” You glared at him.

“Fine, if that’s how we’re playing it.” You sucked your teeth and turned back to the laundry, folding the last remaining shirt and then moving over to the closet. Arthur’s light footfalls followed you, keeping just enough distance to keep you interested. “Tomorrow, I’m meeting up with Lois, and Clark but I really think he just invited himself. He’s got some serious fomo.”

Your fiancé reached around you and plucked up a pair of underwear from his pile as you were putting everything away. You fought the urge to look back at him, knowing that if you did, you would just be giving him what he wanted. You cleared your throat and kept talking. “So you’re welcome to come along if you want, I doubt Clark will want to listen to me and his wife having girl talk.”

There came a muffled thud from behind you, and out of the corner of your eye, you caught sight of his white towel now a heap on the floor. You could vaguely see his naked legs out of your peripheral vision, you were tempted, dear god were you tempted to just look up a couple more inches. Your grip on the now empty laundry basket got tighter. “And um, your mom wanted to go wedding dress shopping this weekend but- fuck.” 

You made the mistake of turning around once you believed it was safe but instead you were met with the glorious view of Arthur’s mostly naked tattooed body, wearing only the tightest, smallest boxers you had ever seen. That bastard knew you were close to breaking.

“Out!” He actually jumped at your outburst. “Go on get! We absolutely cannot be late tonight and I cannot show up to your parents’ house smelling like sex. So go get a bottle of wine, a nice one, and leave me alone until we have to go.” Looking like a kicked puppy, Arthur whined and left the room, shooting you a sad look over his shoulder.

You huffed. “And put on some clothes you slut!”

Arthur had homework, and as pathetic as that sounded, it was resoundingly true. In order to get the Atlantean king more involved in Justice League business, Bruce had given him a stack of files on various villains to read through. Begrudgingly, Arthur had complied, of course with a little motivation from you but Batman didn’t need to know that.

So once a week, he would hole himself up in your little office at the back of the house and study. As soon as the door shut behind him, you set your plan into motion.

Making sure the shower was extra hot, you stepped into the stream of water. You stayed in just long enough to quickly scrub your body in your extra fancy body wash and to make sure you were completely soaked. You grabbed the smallest towel you could find (coincidentally it was the same one Arthur used only three days ago) and wrapped it around yourself as best you could while not completely drying off. Most of your naked body was still visible though, including your entire right side, but it covered just enough that Arthur wouldn’t be suspicious.

The grumbling coming from behind the office door told you all you needed to know. You smothered the smirk on your face behind a concerned expression and quietly entered. His huge figure was hunched over your desk, a large pile of paper in front of him, his unruly hair tied up messily out of his face, exposing the way his nose scrunched in confusion.

“How’s your work going Art?” His shoulders visibly relaxed at the sound of your voice. 

“It’s going,” he responded with a grumble, turning in his seat to face you but froze quickly, “Queenie, what are you wearing?” Playing dumb, you looked down at your scantily covered body, still wet and warm from the shower, then back up to your fiancé.

“Oh I just took a shower, is that a problem?” He furiously shook his head.

“Nope, nada. You take allllll the showers you want lovey.” He looked at you and it seemed like he was about to get up from the desk to attack you but the files caught his eye once more and he deflated. You grinned victoriously. “Except maybe not today,” Arthur winced, “I have a lot of stuff I have to get done.”

“How would me being all wet and steamy be a problem for you my king?” Your voice took on a sultry tone, one you only used in the bedroom and it had an immediate effect on him. His eyes instantly went dark with lust and his fingers curled into a fist.

With a herculean effort, Arthur forced himself to turn away from you and focus back on his work. “This has to get done so can you put on some clothes? I can’t concentrate.” 

“Oh baby, I’m so sorry. Let me get out of your way, I know how important all this is and how you can’t be distracted.” You purred as you walked back to the door, making sure your hips swayed sensually, just the way he liked. “Come find me when you’re done.” And then you dropped the towel.

There was a beat of silence and then.

“Fuck this.” Huge hands were suddenly wrapped around your thick waist and you were spun around, coming face-to-face with the man you had promised to spend your life with. “You are an evil evil woman.” He snarled.

“And yet, I got the King of Atlantis to crack.” You smugly responded.

“Then let me show you what riling up a king gets you.” And Arthur learned that day that you gave as good as you got.

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[frankensaint]

but doesn't days of future past retroactively decide that x1 through x3 and origins: wolverine are all in that "deleted" universe too? bc the beginning of dofp took place in the future of the main xmcu and then they split the timeline. every xmen movie that came out afterward should then be in the new xmen timeline (10005), including logan. and assuming logan is in that new timeline, i have no issue believing that the dp movies take place there too.

but also, dp2 ends with time travel shit that literally erases basically all the events of the movie so realistically dp1 and 2 should be separate from dp3. i assume that since dp3 outright says wade is in the 616 when he interviews to be part of the avengers, and THEN says he's in 10005 later, that the jump there was over the events of dp2, and that his time shenanigans directly caused that split.

but ALSO... despite being namedropped in dp3, the way that the loki show handles the multiverse and the TVA is not consistent with the TVA/multiverse lore within the movie. so there's honestly multi-multiverse shit going on here to the degree that i think it's all just... whatever

Starting this off with saying I haven’t see the Loki show and never plan to. I’m here for the X-men and X-men only. Also it’s 3:30am so this might not make sense. Anyway.

There’s a few reasons I think DFP is separate from the main trilogy + the Wolverine movie universe:

In the first X-Men, Xavier says he met Erik when he was 17, and that’s not the case in First Class

Xavier lost the use of his legs as a young man in FC, but in a flashback in the original movie series, he’s an older man walking with Erik when they first meet Jean.

Moira MacTaggert is a woman in her early 30s both in FC, and is mid 30s in The Final Stand

Jubilee is in Rogue’s class in the first X-men, but then is the same age as Jean and Cyclops in Dark Phoenix

Task is in either X2 or Last Stand, as a middle age man, and then is in DFP as well as a middle age man

Jean joins the school differently

Also First Class was intended to be a reboot of the entire X-Men movie verse, until they made Days of Futures Past

Deadpool, meanwhile cannot be in either the main X-Men movie series universe, Logan, nor the Reboot series- which I will be calling the ‘prequels’- also for a few reasons:

Colossus, in both the original X-men universe, and the reboot, is an American young man, no accent. In Deadpool he has a thick accent.

According to the movie Logan, no mutant has been born since 2004. In Deadpool 2 (2018) we see mutant kids younger than 14, meaning they were born after 2004

Yukio is an adult women in The Wolverine, and a teenage girl in Deadpool

Different Jaugernauts (not talking about casting) in Last Stand as well as Deadpool 2

As for Deadpool 1&2 being a different universe from Deadpool and the Wolverine…I think that’s mostly, yes, D1&2 are a separate universe, bc that universe was the one where Vanessa is dead. However that universe sorta got deleted when he went back in time and saved her (all the other stuff like shooting various pasts him I’m ignoring bc that’s just for fun fourth wall breaking and not actual Canon Movie Stuff)

So Deadpool one and the beginning and end of Deadpool 2 are the same universe, as well as Deadpool & Wolverine.

The stuff with him traveling to different universes with Cable’s watch doesn’t make sense to me bc he’s fully going to another universe, not changing the past to *make* one. So that doesn’t make sense, and is why they’re not connected in my correct universe timeline. So I’m calling that, along with having Logan be the same universe , on the sliding scale of ‘marvel wanted an excuse to have more multiverse stuff’ to ‘talk about a Macgruffin’.

[babybatscreationsv2]

I watched Deadpool and Wolverine and I have thoughts

Spoiler buffer for people with notifications on

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First of all

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ELEKTRA

I cannot believe I saw my girl Elektra again and yes I would have cried and thrown up if they killed her. If Blade and Gambit are both getting a new movie where's Elektra's?? I say we riot. And I'm only a little bit kidding. Spider-Man needs a new mother figure after all. How about an Elektra/Jessica Drew team up? OMG I'm just realizing they could have put her in the canceled Shang-Chi film. Does the Hand never face off with the Ten Rings? You would think a couple of a martial artist gangs would have a rivalry. We could have been shipping Elektra and Xialing 😭

Okay actual movie thoughts

Yes the car scene was in fact a sex scene and I don't even think that's even debatable. You can't tell me Hugh Jackman threw his head back like that and groaned like he was fucking cumming and it wasn't an analogy for sex and then following it up with a pan away/sunset shot? It was 100% an ode to the many gay writers who hid their desire to penetrate another man through swords, guns, and fangs. Bram Stoker would be proud

Do not watch this movie if you're uncomfortable with inappropriate sexual touching, or language for that matter. Everyone's getting sexually assaulted and it's a joke every time, but at least they call it what it is I guess?

I feel like the amount of graphic sex jokes was to cover for the fact that they were told not to joke too much about drug use. Although choosing to joke about how they can't do coke was possibly my favorite joke, don't ask me why

They sure did let that little people joke in there though... yikes. Disney is really begging people with dwarfism to jump their asses this year

The weakest part of the film was definitely the villain dialog. I guess they didn't want any big plot twisty reveals because man these dudes came out monologing and like who asked? Nobody. Why are they talking so much?

I have a genuine love for Happy becoming the new Stan Lee cameo. I just love that man as a character and it feels right that he has a hand in everything.

I saw someone on here pouting about the photo of Tony and Peter together and how Peter's face was covered BUT ACTUALLY it's a running gag in the comics that Deadpool can't see Spider-Man's face or hear his name. Even if Peter takes his mask off right in front of him the "Marvel censors" hide it from Wade and I hope to god that's why they covered it because it'll be so damn funny if and when they're both in a film together

Speaking of funny, the comedy in this film was so well done. They poured most of the jokes out in the first act and left room for the movie and the characters to be taken seriously. I'm here praying that the other Marvel writers take notes because while I'm a very emotional person who requires comic relief to get through most movies without crying, we all know the humor in Marvel films is getting to be a bit much.

I was holding my breath during the big team up thinking it was going to be Deadpool 2/Suicide Squad all over again, but they actually got to have their hero moment and it was beautiful.

But WTF? Why did Blade and Gambit get a big moment where they show off their skills but Elektra gets half the screen time during the fight and her moment is just her kicking someone? She has magic ninja abilities?? She could have also done something cool?? The martial arts stuff was cool in her stand alone film, it doesn't impress in a crowd of people who know how to fight. At least let her skillfully throw her sais or something, damn.

And how good is Channing Tatum as Gambit? I'm not a Channing Tatum fan or anything, but damn does he nail it.

NICEPOOL I love Nicepool, I have no idea what Deadpool variants exist in the comics because I actually hate multiverse stuff that isn't spiderverse, BUT it's canon that if Deadpool were to stop killing people that he would become pretty again and I love that there's a universe where's he just insanely nice and handsome mostly because I don't think they would ever make a Spider-Man/Deadpool film so at least we acknowledged that this happens, sorta, they don't really talk about why he's pretty and our Deadpool isn't

I love how it was a Deadpool film, but also everyone got their moment. It was barely even about him. He was the vehicle through which Wolverine and Nova and Laura got to tell their stories and it worked really well

I also feel like Wade getting Johnny killed felt weird and mildly out of character. He's an asshole, not a sadist. There's a big difference. If they wanted him dead to get rid of Chris Evans and still have their cameo, it didn't have to be Wade's fault

Wade and Logan recognizing Chris's face as belonging to Steve also sets a precedent for RDJ playing Doom. (It also means that yes people in universe will recognize him and angst will happen, I'm still crossing my fingers that there's multiple Dooms)

I give the whole thing a 4/5 had a good time, few complaints

[survivedxavier]

SURVIVEDXAVIER  is  a  private , mutuals  only  CASSANDRA  NOVA  XAVIER  inspired  by  the  marvel  x - men  comics , deadpool  films , and  my  own  lore.  blog  is  HEAVILY  CANON  DIVERGENT  and  will  be  ignoring  much  of  the  comic  canon.  this  blog  will  be  specializing  in  taking  a  character  and  exploring  a  completely  new  take.  mun  &  muse  are  30+.  this  blog  will  contain  extremely  triggering  content.  must  be  21+  to  interact.  personal  blogs  dni.  reimagined  by  jj.

IMPORTANT  DISCLAIMER!!!    cassandra  has  a  VERY  TAINTED  OUTLOOK  ON  MORALS , that  being  said ... the  mun  does  not  support  any  of  her  actions.  she's  also  going  to  be  written  as  a  villain  much  of  the  time , so  please  keep  in  mind  some  important  notes  on  her.  she  does  not  care  about  your  character.  not  really.  she  also  DOES  NOT  UNDERSTAND  RIGHT  AND  WRONG  as  this  will  be  using  the  lore  brought  by  the  deapool  films  where  she  was  placed  in  the  void  when  she  was  a  baby , and  left  to  her  own  devices.  please  keep  all  of  this  in  mind  when  interacting.  ( please  come  to  me  if  you  have  triggers  that  need  to  be  avoided. )

THE  KID  HAS  GOT  THE  DARKSIDE , BEST  BELIEVE  IT.

reinventing  in  the  name  of ... surviving , betrayal , power , rage , hatred , being reborn , evolution , trauma , being  expected  to  know  everything  without  being  taught , the  concequences  of  neglect , you  were  supposed  to  protect  me , being  someone  else's  problem , what  happens  when  the  glove  comes  off.

RULES  FOUND  BELOW  CUT.

this blog is mutuals only. that means i will only be writing with people that i am mutuals with from this blog. keep in mind that this blog uses sideblogs for most muses , and cannot follow back from them. you must be following this hubb blog to write with any of my muses.

this blog will be writing heavily mature and triggering content. that being said , this blog has a mature rating , and will only be writing with people 21+. this is for my own comfort , and i will not be making any exceptions. i'm also going to get out of the way that i am open to shipping , but no smut will be written with any muse under 18.

i will be using icons , small text , and formatting of various types on this blog. THIS IS NOT A REQUIRMENT TO WRITE WITH ME. i do this stuff for my own amusement. i base whether or not i follow someone based on if i think our writing is compatible.

this is not my only blog. i also am disabled , and have days where for one reason or another , i just can't be here all the time. i will do my best to make sure that i am here and keep up with things. most of my replies will be in a queue.

i'm open to shipping , but please check with me before assuming a ship. i don't ship every canon ship so please don't assume i ship anything that might be canon. most of the time i'm open to giving it a shot ... but it's best to check with me first.

no drama. it's really that simple. i don't have the time for it anymore , and refuse to engage in any of that. drama , toxic behavior , calling people out. not here for my blog. do not bring it to me. we're all here to have fun , so let me have my space be chill and drama free.

[usermischief]

Do you ever think about how rough of a time Isaac is having in Riddled? He gets woken up before the sun is even out and the first thing he learns is that something is wrong with Stiles but Scott’s got no clue what. Then, Stiles calls and says he’s injured and also he thinks someone is in the room with him, and he hangs up the phone so now Isaac and Scott have to be afraid that someone is responsible for harming Stiles and that someone is currently with Stiles. They head to his room and learn that Stiles apparently thinks he’s at the center of several unsolved cases and has stabbed his bed and now they have to inform the sheriff his son has gone missing somehow. Also, their death omen friend has a bad feeling about this and these feelings only occur when someone is about to die, so it’s less than good that she felt herself drawn to their missing friend’s room. They learn he’s driven to the hospital but of course, things are never that simple in that town so Stiles isn’t there but was for some reason up on the roof. Derek tells them that Stiles was having some sort of an internal struggle with himself and really, all Isaac wanted to do was get some sleep, not deal with a packmate being at the center of some weird problem. Isaac has to go find Allison who has evidently decided to go incommunicado. They finally locate Stiles and Isaac learns that Allison’s phone was very suspiciously off like someone didn’t want her to get in touch with the others, and then Isaac heads off to the hospital and gets electrocuted badly enough he stops breathing and doesn’t heal for quite a while. He gets possessed by one of those freaking flies and only actually comes to later. Isaac was having a real bad time in the Nogitsune arc, it’s entirely possible he doesn’t know what’s going on for like half of it. He’s never told on-screen that Stiles is the one possessed, maybe he didn’t know until he actually saw Void Stiles or he heard others say it; he could’ve asked why they weren’t asking Stiles for help, got the shortest explanation in history, and said that that was less than ideal but was a good reason not to ask Stiles for help, all while internally panicking over the fact that this time, the enemy would be wearing the face of a friend and they can’t even hurt the enemy because that means hurting Stiles (sidenote, the Nogitsune really did hobble everyone in the town by possessing Stiles: the police via the sheriff, the hospital with Meredith, the werewolves via pack and wanting to protect Stiles)

Dude, Isaac wasn't having a good time since the show started. Let's be honest here. But yeah, 3b really must've stressed the poor guy out. Especially when he wakes up to learn that Stiles is evil... but also not really. And then he is suddenly evil because there's two of them.

Which reminds me... they had the chance to go for a "who is the real Stiles" plotline. I cannot believe the nogitsune didn't do that??? He tricked Melissa... I mean, seriously. Let nogi stay in s4. They have to deal with the Deadpool and the fact that there are two Stiles' running around. So Stiles is targeted too, and the viewer is never really sure was that really Stiles? Sorry.... that... was not part of your ask, but the thought hit me, and I couldn't stop it 😂

[kingexpl0sionmurder]

Date The Hell Out Of You - Kaminari Denki

Author: @kingexpl0sionmurder​ Pairing: Kaminari Denki/F!Reader Rating: 16+ (Fluff) Words:  1,575 Warnings: I have opinions about comic books so don’t come at me. I think it’s a very mild argument anyway so it shouldn’t be a big deal, but if you feel offended pls know it wasn’t my intention to bash on Batman lol. AN: Hellooo here is my contribution to this months bnharem collab! The theme is Co-Workers and I just wanted Denki and a bookstore so you get this short and fluffy little thing. You’re welcome! Please check the masterlist below for everyone else’s works and heed each pieces warnings before you dive in!

Collab Masterlist My Masterlist My Ko-Fi

---

“You cannot sit there and tell me that you think Batman is better than Iron Man. I refuse to believe it.” You huffed, crossing your arms across your chest and glaring daggers at his best friend.

This had become like a routine to Kaminari, ever since he’d started working at the bookstore, which had been almost a year ago.

He took his lunch break at the same time most days, anxiously hoping you had a break at the same time as well. It wasn’t because he thought you were cute (he totally did, honestly), he just enjoyed your company. You had some loud and unique opinions on a lot of things, and he was thoroughly entertained when you went off like this. 

“Well they’re both billionaires with no special powers, just a lot of cool gadgets, right?” Sero pointed out, leaning back in his chair with his arms folded behind his head, his bento sitting forgotten on the table.

“You’re right. But Tony Stark has a sense of humor. Batman is such a stick in the mud.” You made a face from your spot across from them, your chopsticks resting over your cup noodles, the utensil keeping the lid closed so they would cook. 

“Yeah, but in terms of physical strength, Bruce Wayne has got Tony beat.” Sero sat forward, picking up his chopsticks again. “Tony relies on his tech. In a hand to hand fight, Batman wins every time.”

“Tony is smarter, though.” You sighed. “Look, do I need to direct you to read the Civil War series? It’s only like 7 issues. I can lend them to you.”

“It’s got Spider-Man in it.” Kaminari supplied helpfully. “He’s your favorite.”

Sero chuckled. “Yeah, okay. Maybe it’ll change my mind.”

“Trust me. Batman is lame, he’s got some interesting villains though.” You finally moved to eat your ramen. “What about you, Kaminari? Any opinions?”

Shrugging, he finished off the last bit of rice in his bento. “I don’t know, I’m not huge into comic books. I like Deadpool, though.”

“That’s so on brand.” Sero chuckled. “He’s a ridiculous dumbass, just like you.”

“Hey!”

“Listen, Deadpool is probably one of the funniest antiheroes. He breaks the fourth wall so often, it’s my favorite thing.” You grinned at him. “I think it’s a perfect choice.”

Kaminari could feel the blush creeping up his neck at your words. You thought he was funny. “Thanks, Y/N.”

Clearing his throat, Sero stood up. “My break’s over. Can you check on the YA section when you’re back on, Kami? Some kids were in here earlier and I think they moved all the Twilight books around.” His teasing grin told him that Sero had not missed the way he’d reacted to what you’d said to him. 

“Sure thing, boss.” He gave him a salute. “I’ve got like 10 minutes left.”

Sero packed up his bento and shoved it back in the breakroom fridge and left, leaving Kaminari alone with you. 

Kaminari opened his mouth, spitting out the first thing that came to his mind. “But here’s the real question.” He pointed at you with his chopsticks. “Team Edward or Team Jacob?”

--

Kaminari was crouching down, putting the last copies of ‘Breaking Dawn’ back on the shelf when someone walked up to him.  

“If she’s Team Edward you’re going to have to call up Aoyama and ask him to hook you up with some body glitter.” 

He glanced towards his right, smiling at the scuffed black boots belonging to his other best friend, Shinsou.

Kaminari stood, staring at the cat sticker stuck to the side of the reusable coffee cup that his perpetually tired friend always had with him. His gaze then flicked to his face, his customary grin back on his lips. “You think he can help?”

Rolling his eyes, the purple haired man shifted on his feet. “Of course. He works for some makeup place, I bet they have loads of glittery shit.” 

Humming, Denki let his gaze move back to the shelf, making sure everything looked okay. He threw his arm around Shinsou and began walking back to his own section (he was in charge of The Classics, okay?) leaning into the taller man. “I’ll pick you up some black eyeliner while I’m at it.”

“Please do, I’m almost out.” He snarked, before his smirk fell and he sighed. “Look, you need to do something about this crush you have on Y/N.”

“I do not have to do a thing, my friend. I am happily content sitting over here and pining away quietly.” Kaminari threw his arm out dramatically. “Leave me be.”

“Quietly?” Shinsou snorted. “Look, man, I just mean, I’ve been seeing Monoma hanging around her a lot, I just don’t want you to miss your chance.”

Kaminari stopped walking. “Monoma? But he works in the reference section, where they sell those ‘for dummies’ books!”

“Maybe he read ‘Flirting for Dummies’ and now he has a clue. You should look into it yourself.” Shinsou’s raised eyebrow caused Kaminari’s frown to deepen. 

“I know how to flirt, Shinsou.” Huffing, he crossed his arms over his chest. “Don’t you need to go back to Science Fiction and get some work done?”

Sipping his coffee, he fixed Kaminari with a look. “Since I am such a wonderful friend, you’re going to swap me on Saturday and work my section, which is conveniently right next to Manga and Comics, where Y/N will be. You are going to make a move or so help me, I am going to beat you over the head with a copy of ‘Wuthering Heights’.”

“Why that one? Why not something longer, like ‘Don Quixote’?”

“Do you want it to hurt?” Shinsou asked, looking entirely done with his shit. “You’re ridiculous. Just do something, otherwise Monoma might get a date before you do.”

Kaminari cursed under his breath. The thought of you laughing and smiling at Monoma’s terrible jokes rubbed him the wrong way. “Fine. I’ll think of something.”

Seemingly satisfied, Shinsou patted him on the shoulder. “I believe in you.”

—

“How come you and Sero always have these fancy looking bentos for lunch?” You asked, sliding into the seat across from him.

Kaminari paused with his rice halfway to his mouth and looked up. “Our roommate. He’s like a mother hen, he always packs us lunch.”  

Looking impressed, you raised an eyebrow. “He sounds like a keeper.”

Chuckling, Kaminari sat back in his chair. “Yeah, he’s a handful, but under his extremely aggressive exterior he’s a good guy.” He gestured to your ramen. “Maybe I can get him to make you one. All I have to do is tell him you eat cup noodles for lunch every day and he’ll have a heart attack.”

“I like my ramen, okay? It makes me feel like Naruto.” You raised your arms and grinned. “Believe it!”

Rolling his eyes fondly, he turned back to his lunch, poking at his tamagoyaki. He’d been working in the section beside you all day, listening to you gush over the newest shipment of manga you’d received, shoving books at him and making recommendations. He’d been trying to work up the courage all day to get off his ass and ask you out, and he was failing spectacularly.

“You know, if you want to be like Naruto, you should be eating tonkatsu miso with the little narutomaki in it.”

You blinked at him, looking surprised. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

This was it. His chance. “We should go get the real thing sometime.” He swallowed thickly, his palms sweating. “Like, maybe tomorrow night?” He closed his eyes, waiting for you to respond.

“Kaminari, are you asking me on a date?”

The fondness in your tone had him opening his eyes to see your expression. You were blushing, biting on your bottom lip as you stared at him.

“I mean, yeah. A date. If you want to, I mean.”

He was seconds away from backpedaling, his heart climbing up his throat and on the verge of escaping his body. The anticipation was killing him. 

His nervousness and fear of rejection was all for naught. Your face lit up, a genuine smile gracing your lips. It was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“I would love that.”

A breath he didn’t realize he was holding escaped his lips. “Yeah, okay. Awesome.”

You giggled, leaning your elbow on the table, resting your cheek against your palm. “Did you think I’d say no?”

Feeling a little ridiculous, he blushed and nodded. “I was worried you might. I’m an idiot and you’re...you.”

You scoffed, kicking him under the table lightly. “You’re not an idiot, Kaminari. To be honest, I thought you’d never ask. I guess Shinsou wasn’t lying.”

“About what?” He sat up straight, frowning. “I’m going to kick his ass. What did he say?”

Snorting, you shook your head. “He might have mentioned that you liked me. I wasn’t sure though.”

“Are you kidding? Was I not being obvious enough?”

“You flirt with everyone, I didn’t think I was special.” You teased. “I’m glad he was right, though.” You turned back to your noodles.

“You are though. At least you are to me.” Grinning, he nudged your foot with his. “I’m going to date the hell out of you, Y/N. Just wait and see.”

His heart swooped in his chest when you looked back at him across the table. “I’m looking forward to it.”

[painted-piggy-ships-archive]

Deadpool 3 - Coming to theaters near you! - Soundtrack

@ghostlyvenus-selfships​

(a/n: A hypothetical playlist of music if Wade and I got a hypothetical film together, and let’s say that film was Deadpool 3 that’s currently in the works- obviously, it’s not, but for the sake of fan fiction... Other than that, I’m actually not going to use my main s/i for this, and I’m not even incorporate their backstory. This is just me, in the Marvel universe, and I eventually gain powers, that’s it.)

The Logical Song, Supertramp ~ Opening Scene Several parallel scenes of how different Wade and I’s lives are. Wade doing solo mercenary shit, and myself being a struggling artist going about their morning routine. Wade narrates, discussing how his life has gone since the ending of Deadpool 2. Some lines are reworked from the first Deadpool movie: You know, I once said some of the best love stories start with a murder. And that’s exactly what this is: A love story. Again. But we’re going to do it right this time.

What’s This Shit Called Love?, The Pagans The first time Wade and I meet, I’ve accidentally stumbled into his mission and something inside of him compels him to save me, leading to a car chase backed by this song.

Immigrant Song, covered by Karen O, Trent Reznor, and Atticus Ross My mutation is activated for the first time, and the power trip leads me to seek revenge on my abusive ex. Unfortunately, I’m not very good at covering my tracks, and the authorities hand me over to the X-Men to deal with as they aren’t comfortable with my new, unstable powers.

Everybody’s Happy Nowadays, Buzzcocks Plays after Colossus and Deadpool convince me to join the X-Force. Colossus believes it’ll have a more positive impact on me than the X-Men, and Deadpool just wants an excuse to hang out with me after recognizing me as “the guy that owes him from that one mission.” Owes you?? Yeah, I saved your ass, you’ve gotta do something in return, that’s how this works!

The Humpty Dance, Digital Underground My time with X-Force is shown through a training/mission montage, followed by a scene where Wade and I are training together and cannot deny the sexual tension in the room any longer... leading to this song over a sex montage similar to the one in the first movie, but not over the course of holidays.

My Name Is Thunder, The Bloody Beetroots, Jet Fight with the BBEG of the film, likely someone who learns of my powers and wants to use them for themself.

The Spins, Mac Miller The final song that leads into the credits. Wade and I truly confess our love, officialize ourself as an item, and I am honored as an official member of X-Force.

Dead Meat, Johnny Polygon Another credits song, possibly linked to an after-credits scene?

[nobodiesheartlessshitblog45]

My headcanons For Gojo Satoru

This Dingus right here is a huge movie fan. Loves pretty much anything, the old classics black and white movies, foreign films, main stream movies and so bad that it’s good movies. He loves TV shows, he’s big Supernatural fanboy. Loves Dean  Winchester and strong shipper of Deancel, Walking Dead fan all the way. Both the comics, Tv show and games. (He only played the first season and balled his eyes out for a weeks, and refuses to play rest of the games) Dose have a soft spot of horror movies, Like The Screams, Halloween, The Saw  franchise, classic monster movies of course. Gotta respect the classics.

His favorite movies of all time are  Beetlejuice (Satoru’s roll model) Corpse Bride, Frankenweenie, Edward scissors hand The Princess Bride , all the old George Romero zombie movies, again classic monster movies, The Lord Of The Rings and Hobbit  franchise. He’s a big Bruce Campbell fan, and loves, loves all the Evil Dead movies and show. Loves Deadpool and has a huge man crush Ran Reynolds. Loves all Marvel Movies. Big Spider Man fanboy.

His favorite Disney movies are Princess and the frog, disney’s Atlantis, Tangrled, 101 Dalmatians, Emperors new groove, Hercules, Toy Story, but he can’t watch the 3rd because he will cry for ours.

He wasn’t a sorcerer, he would have loved to be an actor or  film Director.

Dose play videos games, Pretty much played all the telltale games, Loves Red Dead redemption games The second one is his favorite, and loves Arthur Morgan. He’s only played Season 1 of the Walking Dead and still not over Lee’s death. Loves Stardew Valley, Pokemon and Animal Crossing.

Our boy loves his sweets, but hates eating his veggies. Trying to get this grown ass man to eat veggies is like a small fish trying fight a great white shark. It’s fight everyone is going to lose.

His favorite Tv shows’s are the Walking Dead, Game of Throwns, The Office both American and British, Big Big Doctor Who fan, loves the 10th Doctor (David Tennen is his boy) Watched Pokémon Anime that has come out the years, knows the lore like that back of his hand.

This man loves to crossdress, love to wear fancy ballgown dress, sundress and  skirts. He can walk around in high heels with easy. He owns a lot high heels shoes.

Drinks a lot of coffee, 5-8 cups a day. Cannot stand the bitterness plane coffee. He adds 12 spoonful of sugar and milk to each cup. Hell is coffee isn’t really coffee pure sugar and milk or as Nanami dubs a cup of diabetes and tooth decay.

This man has the maturity of a 6 year old. He still think fart jokes are hilarious, it you say the word ‘booger’ this man child will start laughing uncontrollably, and he makes a lot dick jokes whenever he can and innuendos. He will even go into random empty classrooms and draw a lot of stupid doodles of random shit, like you would see in kids notebook if they were bored in class, and he draws lot of that penises. For some reason he draw dicks all over the chock bored. He’s been doing this since meddle and high school, he still thinks it funny. No body else dose. ... possibly Yuji.

He will out no where will start singing show toons. He just dose. Weather he’s in a meeting, doing a mission, teaching a class or singing in the shower, he will hum or sing out right of no where. Disney songs he knows by heart, themes of anime he’s into or watching. It helps him to relax... Or annoyed the shit of the others. 

He dose not care spots but he dose enjoy baseball.

Gojo Satour’s ideal s/o

This man is a huge tease and jokester. He need someone who can match or almost his Energy.  Humor is a very important thing to him, help deal with some shit that he had to go through. Someone with a good sence of humor is one attraction to him.

He’s a patien guy, and understands that it some people take getting out their shells, and he’s very excepting, but as long as you don’t try to kill or hurt is students things should be fine.

He is very overprotective lover. His s/o could very powerful sorcerer, capable of handling themselves in battle with curses or evil sorcerers, still doesn’t change that this man will worry and will step in if things will get hairy for liking. But al the same time of s/o a very strong sorcerer and knows how to care of themselves in n a battle it dose put Satoru’a mind at ease in away, still hate the idea of being away from his lover is something to them or they get hurt. If his s/o got badly injured or his s/o was about the brink of dying. HELL. HAVE. NO. FURY. TO. THIS. MAN’S. ANGER. He kill without think twice. No mercy, no secret changes, just death. He’ll rushed over to help his S/o and take them to Dr. Shoko, and will not leave until they are taken care and healed.

He’s his overprotective of his s/o and students so don’t fuck with any of them and no has to die. This man kill with thinking twice about it.

This man is loaded. As cash, and would give Yuji, Megumi and Nobara some money to enjoy themselves with. But this man dose love to spoil his s/o when he could. Somethings he will go overboard and his s/o tells him but it’s not necessarily to spend all this money on them. Which makes him love them even more because they not love him for his money. However Gojo being, well, Gojo will randomly get bouquets of flowers for his lovely s/o I will bring it to them randomly. It doesn’t matter if they’re teaching a class or and a very important meeting with Yaga-San, he’ll ust pop out of nowhere with a big goofy grin on his face and give his s/o the flowers kiss them and disappears, there is an awkward and annoying silence from from the students or the principal. And his s/o mildly embarrassed, but flattered shall go on as if nothing happened. And it becomes has become a running joke around in the school.

Hugs, Kissses and Cuddles are a must.  Again Satour doesn’t give a shit there is a meeting or A class being taught when this man wants affection, he’s going to get affection. He’ll come from behind and rest his head on his s/o’s chin on his s/o’s head. (Because the guy’s freakishly tall) And will just annoyin the shit out of then until he gets what he wants. Then he will leave them alone, maybe not. He’s Hot mess of chaotic energy after all. Plus he thinks it’s adorable When they get a little annoyed with him.

Being Married To Gojo Satoru or just have a  domestic life with him

This man never really saw himself getting married. It’s something that he was rather against for a while, until he meets his s/o. Nothings really changed in their relationship after they got married, did a few years and they just try to not have nowhere Most of everyone at the school cannot believe that someone would actually marry this maniac. Either his s/o is as as patient as a saint, just as bad shit crazy as Gojo Satour himself.

He dose everything in his power too make this work, and so dose his s/o. The two of them being power for sorcerers is basically a couple goal, The ultimate couple. At least Satour says. That being said working as a Jujutsu Sorcerer is both a mental, emotional and sometimes a physical strain on people. When things get too much for S/O, this man will stop what he’s doing, and will will be there his s/o, and his will be there for him when he the most. Having someone being there each is the most important thing in a relationships.

His clan was very against their relationship from the beginning. But Satour did not care, he loves who he loves so his clan/family can suck it.

His favorite nicknames for s/o are Sweetness, cutiepie, pumpkin, sugar, sweetheart, honeybuns and to get cringy Pookie. So weird one’s like Mochi cheeks, and beautiful or handsome. 

His favorite nickname that his s/o calls sweetie, honey, goofball, goober and  whackadoodle, knucklehead and dingus

When s/o are going away for a mission for a few a few days or few month, or Vice versa they would text, FaceTime pretty everyday. They talk about they day, and talk about the missions that had. Satour would have his students in the background who would say hello, and he and Yuji would make stupid jokes, and Nobara would laugh a bit and Megumi would roll his eyes in the background. And when his s/o get back from a mission this man is a very clingy little shit, he will hug the hell out his s/o when they get back. And would pout and whin if you have to a meeting or don’t have to see him. He’s a big a baby like that.

Over all this man is just big goofball, sure he’s annoying as fuck sometimes, but he dose cares about other’s. He’s a hot chaotic mess of a man, by God we love him for it.

[420technoblazeit]

the best deadpool jokes to me are the ones that you dont expect so every time he turns to the camera and goes ooh that one got me in my naughty bits! i have a boner 😉 it's like ok it's getting old dude. you cant just make 500 jokes about getting turned on and call it a day it's just not that funny

what was that quote from the second movie where he got his legs cut off and they were growing back??? "it's like he's a muppet from the waist down but this time you can see the muppet's dick" i cannot BELIEVE that made it into the movie it's so ass. did anybody actually laugh at that

i have this weird thing w deadpool where i love wade as a character but fucking HATE the way the movie writers seem to be fistfighting each other to try to b the most out of pocket person in the room. like they try so hard sometimes it gives me secondhand embarrassment

[kdtheghostwriter]

The Dust Up in Jaku

You sure are!

Okay, housekeeping first. I don’t often go here. In fact, this is my first proper visit. I’m caught up with the manga entirely to be clear. I just don’t always go looking for feedback. This blog is miscellaneous, tailored mostly to my whims at the time, but it’s known primarily for its monthly posts on Shingeki no Kyojin. That series is ending soon. These posts have been for practice primarily. A way for me to keep my writing chops warm for other projects. They’ve been incredibly helpful in that regard. I’m not sure yet what I’ll do to supplement that practice after the series conclusion. I don’t see myself doing monthly meta posts anymore. I started doing One Punch Man write ups a couple years ago and doing the occasional meta for big plot developments is probably the ticket. But then there’s BNHA.

My Hero Academia is a bit more…shall we say ‘aggressive’ in its storytelling. That’s what I’ve seen in this latest arc anyway. I’m a fan. And I figured, hey, I can dip a pinky toe in the fandom for a bit. So, before reading any further, please note that this will read as the perspective of a reader that has one eye on the story and doesn’t spend a great amount of time in the discourse.

Okay so let’s start with the obvious or what should be the obvious. Bakugo isn’t dead just yet. If for no other reason than Gran Torino getting spiked by Shigaraki only to supply a sassy quip moments later. You don’t die in a shonen series without permission. Besides that, though, no one I’ve seen seems to be asking the important question here.

What is All For One’s idea?

We saw him reach out to Tomura who was himself on the verge of death and took full control of his body. Those telltale black tendrils have seldom caused bodily harm on their own and there’s little evidence to believe they’d start now. We then can make one of two assumptions.

Quirk theft: AFO has the ability to steal and redistribute quirks and Shigaraki made clear that stealing One For All was his main goal in this fight outside of surviving. Bakugo is one of the few people who know about this secret war and he more than anyone there would recognize that losing OFA to Tomura would be in the nicest terms a disaster.

Forced Quirk Activation: Considering that Kacchan is a walking napalm bomb, this is another possible disaster. Using a massive explosion to escape the battlefield at this moment has some very “I’ll get you next time, Gadget!” energy.

And Tomura has to escape this. I’ll explain that later. But first I must laugh.

No, that’s not Garou after his first hour in the Monster Association. Tomura has been annihilated over the course of this fight. He’d probably be dead two or three times over if it weren’t for his fancy Deadpool Healing Factor which itself wouldn’t be working if Eraser Head wasn’t out of commission.

Shout-outs to Aizawa by the way. There’s a reason Tomura stopped in the middle of the battle to tell him how cool he was.

Anyway, more to the point: Shigaraki can’t beef it here. Don’t get me wrong, as tragic as his story is, there really is no other option currently than to destroy him. The only other course of action is to say, “Please, Tomura, don’t make this entire city and the innocent people living there disappear into dust.” Which…yea. On top of that, he’s the series antagonist and the clear foil for our hero Deku. Narratively it just wouldn’t make sense to have him climb that mountain before he’s ready. And he’s still not ready. His arms are thrashed yet again from his current onslaught.

For anyone having trouble visualizing this, imagine Shiggy as a red rubber ball and Deku is a paddle, smacking him repeatedly. I have this great picture in my head of the news chopper zoomed in on Deku as he calls out every state and major city in the contiguous United States. Jokes aside, the art is phenomenal. This panel in particular really hammers home the aforementioned duality like so many haymakers to the face. The damage is stacking up faster than his regeneration can supply but All For One has stepped in to take the reins, surely saving his neck but that isn’t the only reason Shiggy will see his way out of this spot.

Yeah! Remember him? This big fucker is still on his way. And he’s got the League of Villains in tow. Why is that detail important?

The only thing more important than a major plot event like this is the aftermath. You can easily develop your characters through the way they react to the events that occur to them. Somebody has to break it to Tomura that Twice is gone and I don’t envy the one who gets that job.

Also…lol okay, I don’t wanna do the trolly thing of “oooh Dabi’s a Todoroki!” but c’mon man Dabi’s a Todoroki. I’ve barely paid attention to this subplot and even I know that. Shonen series are by their nature very melodramatic and it would only make sense for such a massive bombshell to be dropped now, in the midst of life-or-death struggle, with direct implications for the Number One Hero and his children – one on each side of the law. Point is! None of that can happen if Shigaraki bites the big one so I’d expect the dusty lad to keep kicking for now.

The same goes for Bakugo, although, he may have early retirement in his future. The main reason Kacchan can’t die here is because, despite what you may think of him as a character – and I’ve seen enough discourse to know that many many people are not fans, such is your right – having a teenaged bully redeem himself by sacrificing his life is a bit much. Especially when you consider this little nugget.

All Might has him pegged here. I would never endorse someone telling another person to kill themselves even when done ironically but Katsuki was a child and children say any manner of dumb, reckless things. More than that, children lash out when they’re scared, and nothing scared him more than being surpassed by Midoriya. All Might goes on to point out that Bakugo earnestly helping with Izuku’s training is his way of atoning for his past behavior. I agree with that stance and I think it’s more than enough. He knows he was wrong and more recently he’s discovered that he knows he wants no harm to come to Deku. Bakugo learned a big lesson in this chapter; by extension, Deku must learn a lesson as well.

Then there’s this geek.

Disclaimer: I don’t hate Endeavor so much as I’m apathetic towards him. He’s the Number One hero by default and it shows throughout this arc. Even here, we see the rookie Kacchan barking orders at him and Shoto and coming up with a pretty solid plan to finally end this damn fight. It didn’t work, but that has more to do with outside interference than inexperience, and it’s not like Endeavor was rapt with ideas to begin with.

I will defend him slightly, however. Some people have gone so far as to call him useless in this fight and I wouldn’t. Shigaraki got a massive buff even if he’s only at 75% capacity. Enhanced speed and strength, plus a healing factor means he has a threshold that Endeavor just can’t overcome. The days of one guy taking on the Final Boss is long past gone. Even so, this must be pretty mortifying for a guy so obsessed with climbing the ladder. His second real test as the top hero and he gets his ass kicked for an hour or more by a shaggy kid who forgot his lip balm at home. LOL is what I’m saying.

Thanks for indulging that aside. Back to Deku. The very first panel of this chapter is a nurse warning him that repeated injuries could result in him losing the use of his arms. Naturally, this follows with Deku smashing Shigaraki in the face five or six times in a row. The combination of Float and Black Whip is keeping the villain suspended in the air where his disintegration    quirk can’t reach the support team below. A fact that Deku points out when Bakugo shouts at him to disengage. This is a great bit of dramatic tension, because neither one is wrong. Izuku’s body is falling apart. I mean, Tomura’s is too, but Tomura can lowkey ignore that and if he reaches the ground, everyone is screwed anyway.

This plays into Bakugo forming the plan with the Todorokis in the first place and then intercepting AFO’s attack on behalf of the helpless Deku. He sees One For All as a cursed power, but he’s smart enough to know that this power is the only chance they have of winning. He then saves his friend to help them win.

Now we come to the bit that has me more interested than even Kacchan’s fate. That being Izuku’s reaction, both in the moment and after the battle is done. As previously noted, Deku is not in less danger now. He’s emptying the tank right here despite possible long-term damage to his body.

The implications of that statement are terrifying. More so coming from a teenaged boy that hasn’t even made it through a third of his life yet. The legacy of OFA is dark and bloody. It was Bakugo who pointed out that the previous holders of the super strength quirk all died young – all murdered at the hands of Tall, Dark and Faceless. Toshinori would have suffered the same fate if it weren’t for a time sensitive cocktail of rage, survival instinct and adrenaline. Deku is sipping from that same cocktail right now and he’s in better shape than All Might was (barely) but it’s clear that he cannot 1v1 a boss with a replenishing health bar. Perhaps if he could sustain an attack without his limbs exploding like Squidward after too many Krabby Patties? Oh well.

My Hero Academia is an origin story. The story of the hero Deku and his journey to number one. With that in mind, we know he can’t lose but he doesn’t necessarily have to win. Not here at the very least. I have no clue how this arc resolves itself but finding out is going to be much fun.

[dragonrajafanfiction]

The Red Well: (Part 4) Merry Christmas

Here we go yo. Thanks for reading

You really thought you had Herzog pinned. But Herzog knew you too well. Even though he wasn’t sure how you’d escape the well, he had calculated that you would and prepared not a deadly trap, but a non-lethal but extremely strong net. He knew your Soul Skill and he likely attracted you up here intentionally, to get you out of the way.

In fact, he was so prepared that you saw a massive wall of large dump trucks that you figured were full of deadpool. While you were down in the well with Ruri, these trucks were already parked as a barricade for any further escape. 

You smile up at him, completely bound in super strong and extremely sharp nanofiber. It was engineered to tighten as you struggle. If you wanted, you could probably break it but only at severe injury. Already the near invisible threads were cutting off your circulation. If you continued to struggle, you would probably lose limbs as the threads cut through completely.

You smile up at him peacefully. “Ahh… you got me.” You say in a soft voice.

Herzog was wearing a slim-fitting tuxedo with straight suit pants and a bright purple shirt, a white silk bow tie, and black and white brogue shoes. Herzog crouched next to you and stroked your hair. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you. I hope you can have a bit of a chat!”

“Of course!” You say brightly. Your heart is beating but you feel a weird mix of joy and chagrin. You wanted to kill him but he’d knocked you flat, and you weren’t even angry.

Herzog put away the gun, pulled a knife and neatly cut the fiber. You glanced at the blade but didn’t say anything. Something strong enough and sharp enough to cut these strings wasn’t ordinary. Cutting those threads was a clear threat not to misbehave. You sit up and he helps you up with one hand behind his back like a gentleman.

A table was already set up on the engineering lift platform. There were candlelights on a white table cloth and a bottle of Red Label vodka with two glasses and ice. “For me? You shouldn’t have!”

“My work took me away from the wedding! I had to make it up to you somehow. I had a friend record it for me. It was quite beautiful.” Herzog pulls out a chair and you sit down smoothing what was left of your dress. Herzog sits across from you.

He had a front row seat over the heart of the storm, but the scene below was so calm. A curtain of huge raindrops hit the bloody battlefield and make ripples on the red lake.

Chisei Gen and Ruri Kazama walk slowly around in a circle, as if this is the stage where the actors say their long-written dialogues. Ruri Kazama walks silently, the wind pulling his robes away from him like a frail maiden, while the dragon-type Emperor Gen Chisei makes a heavy sound like an armored warrior.

You take a sip of the vodka and feel its warmth radiate down your throat. Herzog was relaxed, tranquil as a Buddha. Right now, you could ask Herzog anything you wanted and he’d probably answer honestly. He’s won and you were going to die. So you switch to your familiar home Russian language and call him softly, like you used to in Black Swan Bay. “Doctor.”

He turned to you. His face was still covered in the white mask.

“Why… do this? You’re so smart. You could do anything. You could change the world in countless ways. You could stop everything now and … go cure cancer or end world hunger… or something”

He closed his eyes and laughed, speaking to you in that voice from your childhood. “Those are all very high level aspirations… but the world is very basic, my dear. Dragons ruled thousands of thousands of years and, even though they were defeated, they are so enduring that they will rise again eventually. When that end of humanity comes, only those who are on the dragon’s side will endure.” He replied.

“So you … want to endure. Then… When humans win, will you go back to human’s side?”

He picked up a cigar and lit it. “If humans win again. Once the Black King rises, he might do with them what he did with the White King. Or… attempted to do. Now… more to your point about … stopping now.” He breathed in and let out a puff of smoke. “Let me ask you this. If I did stop now. Let’s say, I decide that I don’t want what I’ve pursued all my life. What then? Would you let me live my life peacefully? Just walk away and cure cancer?”

You’re silent for a moment. It was unlikely. Even if you didn’t pursue him and forgot he existed, there was no doubt that Cassell and the Japan Branch wouldn’t forget and pursue him.

“You see, you could pass a merciful judgment, but the people over you.” He pointed up to the sky. “They feel differently, so your judgement has no standing. You do not make the rules or the decisions here because you don’t have the power. Only those with the power can make the rules. So no, I cannot stop until I am over all and no one can challenge me. That is the way of evolution.”

“I disagree with your views on evolution…”

“Go on.” He puffed again.

You’re getting suspicious of his lack of urgency. Wasn’t he watching the clock a minute ago? “You say that Evolution is just the weak against the strong, that it’s just the strong devouring the weak. But even the weak have strategies or else they would die out. If the strong stop adapting to the strategies of the weak, they die out. If the strong become too strong and devour everything, they die out. Evolution is about balance and equal competition. Your theory of evolution has no balance. Your way of thinking, this one way pursuit of greater strength, will not destroy the world or devour the weak. You will just die out once you run out of food. Surely, you’ve considered this.”

He smiled. “It feels good to discuss these topics with you. You’ve always been possessed of great spirit and intelligence.” 

“You’re changing the subject.” You grumble.

“If I die out, then it means I have been unable to change the world, and it will be a fitting end for me. Now, I have a question for you, my dear.” He reached up and took off his mask. 

You gasp. “Bondarev? … w...wait.” Under the mask was not Herzog, like you expected but the face of Tachibana! You tilt your head. “I figured you escaped the fire…” It hits you again, harder this time.

Herzog waits, smiling watching the magic unravel in your mind.

“At Tokyo tower. The other body was a fake. No… it was a real body but a different person. Wearing a mask. You were controlling a body double? To make them pretend to be you? You did that from up here too? You never entered the Red Well yourself.”

“Body doubles are a common spy practice. After I escaped the fire that killed the identity of Tachibana and Bondarev in the mind of Hydra, I was able to suppress Ruri while I completed my preparations.” He said. “I see you weren’t quite fooled. But you still believed Bondarev was alive as an individual. No… I killed Bondarev long ago and assumed his identity.”

“I see. So you were aware of Hydra’s and The Devil Clan’s activities.” You say, sinking into your chair.

“Indeed, I created both organizations to complete my work. Now I need to ask my question. How did you do it? How did you escape Black Swan Bay?”

Your mind was still flipping through your memories. Herzog knew from the beginning, from the moment you arrived in Japan, that you were here, that you were alive. Through his Hydra contacts, he knew your every move. When you met Ruri, he tracked you again through the Devil Clan. No wonder he knew where you were to send Hydra operatives after Chance in the park. He knew ...everything. Everything was his fault. All the pain, all the sorrow and loss and danger and struggle. He was behind all of it. One hundred percent.

You answer his question. “I wish I could tell you how I came here today. But I don’t know. I fell into the ocean.” You said. “Even though the ocean was frozen solid that time of year, there was a gap in the frigid water that I fell through that was created when the Lenin ship arrived to take the dragon specimen away. I must have been encased in ice for those 20 years. But I don’t know how anyone found me and I don’t know how I lived.”

“So there’s someone else out there who knows about the unnamed port?” He looked at you. 

You nod. “He’s been pulling my strings from beginning to end. To this day, I don't know what his aim is.”

Herzog was silent and his face grew serious. “Is he here?”

You answer. “Probably.”

An unnamed piece of the puzzle, another variable!

There’s an explosive boom and you’re suddenly pushed out of your chair and launched back. Pain explodes in your abdomen and you’re surrounded by a cloud of poisonous mercury vapor! Herzog rises again, his mask over his face. He snuffs out the cigar. “I’m going to miss you.”

Herzog is carrying Western Watch, the pistol with a huge muzzle that could fire explosive mercury rounds and is extremely effective against Deadpool.

You stagger to your feet, gasping. You try to summon your abilities through the blood of Ruri Kazama. Your eyes flicker, but that surge of power never comes. Surrounded by mercury gas, you’re weakened. The wound in your stomach is gaping and pouring blood. The skin around it is turning white and the scales are falling off! A cough stings your lungs and splatters your dress with red. 

Ruri’s blood was only a temporary solution. Ruri had warned you. You couldn’t stay apart from him for long without your condition deteriorating. It seemed that while you chatted with Herzog, you were weakening rapidly.

A low chuckle came from the fog of mercury. It seemed to come from left, from right. Like he was moving so fast to keep you guessing where he would appear. But you didn’t need to rely on your ears. Those spiritual tendrils were still in the ground. You could feel the vibration of his steps.

Behind you! You whirl and you’re suddenly gripped in a hug. But this wasn’t a friendly, loving hug of a father. This hug shoved a dagger in your back. It squeezed you so tightly you couldn’t breathe. It squeezed so tightly your bones were starting to strain!

Something hard was pressing against your chest and shoulder. They weren’t the King’s bones, but something under his jacket. Your eyes widen and turn bloodshot and then they turn bright fiery gold! Snakes slither about in your mind and reveal piercing golden eyes!

If you used blood rage now, there would be no turning back. But it was fine since you were going to die anyway. You would die on your terms and take Herzog with you!  Your dragon blood surged rapidly. Your whole body becomes covered in fine scales one by one, your knotted muscles protrude like iron bars. 

Had Chu Zihang been here to help you, he would have told you that Blood Rage comes in degrees.  You’d never be able to ascend to be a pure blooded dragon this way, but you would come very close. He would have told you that, like a very fine grain of sand, your humanity cannot be crushed and, as a result, you will be a Deadpool, not a dragon. He would say you ascended from nothing to the highest level, Third Degree of Rage!

But that was more than you needed to tear through Herzog’s fine suit. Your bones fractured to twice their normal joints and those bones all move independently. Hundreds of barb-like bone spikes penetrate his body all at once!

He pushes you away with a mighty yell and kicks you so you skid across the dirt. He’s bleeding in countless places. The whole front of his suit is stained red. But those wounds rapidly heal and the bleeding stops.

He’s frowning, irritated, and a bit disappointed in you for sacrificing your life so pointlessly.

But you’re laughing as you stagger to your feet. Your heart is gleeful, so gleeful that you shout. “Merrry! Christmas! Merry Christmas, Father Frost!” in Russian.

Herzog scowls but then he smiles brightly, looking like the Herzog he always was. “My, my… you’re quite the powerful deadpool aren’t you! It’s been a pleasure. Now. I must go. Time is short!”

He reached into his jacket and frowns. He pats his jacket and pants and then stares with horror as you stand there holding those two dark colored pieces of wood in your hands.

Tap. Tap. Tap. 

You’re laughing, your hot dragon breath coming in a fog.  “MERRY GODDAMN CHRISTMAS!”

Tap. Tap. Tap.

The trucks that surround you come alive with the sounds of babies crying. But these babies were big and strong enough to rock these 10 ton vehicles off their wheels. Gigantic serrated claws tear through the metal like they were tearing fine linen and hundreds of eyes glow golden in the dark and the rain. Every single truck was filled with deadpool nearly a hundred each! With at least 10 trucks they were about a thousand! These were the last of Herzog’s creations. After today, he wouldn’t need them any more and he had wanted to use them on you. But you had stolen that power.

The deadpool fall over each other in a mad dash, tumbling out of the trucks in a pile and rushing towards the cliff, dragging their heavy snake-like bodies on the ground, driven by the sound of the clapper. You back into the crowd of them as they rush Herzog. Herzog himself doesn’t bother to run. He knows there’s no escape from the trap that he himself set.

He looked at you and smiled one last time. “Perfect. Merry Christmas, MC.”

Then he was engulfed by the seething mass of golden bodies. They shredded his suit, dismantled his bones and ate his flesh. They took the mask and shattered it like it was so much pottery. Herzog could not come back from this. You smile and watch, filling with triumph and a bit of sadness.

Your time was up. You were going to lose your mind any minute. Even now, the strong pull of the blood of Herzog was drawing you to see what it might taste like. But you had a feeling that once you started licking that blood you could never go back. You tapped the woodblocks in a second pattern, one you were familiar with that was used to control the children, and the deadpool were seized with epilepsy, wailing and hissing and screaming until they fell silent, flopped to the ground all at once like empty wooden dolls.

You staggered over to the lift elevator and pressed the button. The mental tendrils of your Soul Skill are telling you that no one was moving in the well. In fact, Chisei and Ruri Kazama were just staring each other down, but you didn’t hear voices other than Ruri’s soft singing.

“Ruri… Herzog is dead. I killed him for real…” You say once you’re at the maintenance platform again.

Ruri is standing there, his smile stretched in horrible joy. Chisei faced him. He didn’t move or speak or acknowledge your presence. You step around them looking between them. Ruri’s eyes were spinning with bright gold mandalas. When you look into Ruri Kazama’s eyes, the Red Well disappears and you’re plunged into darkness.

You feel paralysed. You can’t move. Your eyes roll around in fear and you startle as you see at least 12 women. They were beautiful but they were frozen like statues and dressed in elaborate kabuki costumes. You count twelve of them. You were the thirteenth statue.

You seem to be in some sort of basement. Discarded equipment sat dusty against the wall. And there were old dirty gym mats on the floor. It smelled horrible and that horrible smell was coming from a cast iron tub in the center of the room that was filled with chemicals. And in front of that tub, Chisei sat, looking human again, looking much younger, wearing the black trenchcoat of the Executive board, with his Spider Fang sword in his hand. He was staring at the door of the basement, as though waiting for someone.

[bakusoftie]

What would the LOV's reactions be to Kurogiri warping in a new recruit for the League and when she sees them all she whispers over to Kurogiri (quite loudly), "Sir, I'm sorry but I don't want to join your f*cking circus."

I FUCKING LOVR THIS REQUEST PFFFTTTT

Kurogiri

Giran was the one who found you and recruited you for the league and since he never let the league down, he thought you’d be a good fit

But

The moment you got warped into some broke ass ‘Bar Rescue’ reject

You just straight up was like

“Hell the fuck nah”

“Y’all bitches ugly as fuck”

“There’s no fucking way I’m going this freak show”

“Please say sike”

Kurogiri was so offended like he care out here to have a good time and

You call his bar

uGLy?!?

He’s so tempted to slap you upside the head with his $1000 Versace shoes but

You ain’t even worth it

He’ll give you one more try

“Bruh why that man look like Barney fucked a oil diffuser”

kurogiri : 😲

Dabi

He’s a Todoroki so of course he’s gonna clap back

Dabi: I thought we asked for a villain but it seems like you’re just a clown

“Bitch, who the fuck are you called a clown? You look like the burnt McDonald’s French fry that nobody wants to eat so they just leave it when they go to throw it away. I bet you’re used to being thrown away though lmao”

bitch

you did not have to expose him

I mean you right

his face says ‘daddy issues’ all over it

He kinda likes you though

You call shit out like it is and don’t hold anything back

He kind wants to burn you alive for that last comment tho

All the league members know not to bring up the topic of fathers but you out here trying to say his eyes remind you of Endeavwhore

Um

Take it back a notch, sweaty

he’ll make you the burnt French fry

She thinks you’re cute at first

and then you open your mouth

And now she wants to make you even cuter by spreading your blood all over face

“Why is this blonde bitch staring at me like a fucking cat? Y’all get your fucking nico nico nee THOT out my face.

aw you said she looks like a cat

cats = cute

awww you called her cute !!!

Now she really wants to get her knife and go to work on you

especially if you struggle

nothing you say will offend her because she just thinks that your way of wanting to be best friends

“I will pull your raggedy ass buns out your hair if you don’t stop pointing that knife at my asscheeks, little bitch

Shigaraki

he thinks you’re an annoying pest

he wants to lay all five fingers to your throat and watch you shut the fuck up forever

you took one look at him and said “ew.”

“Is that a fucking hand on your face? Damn you must be mad ugly if you have to put that nasty ass rotting flesh over it like how the fuck do you breathe?”

how dare you insult Father?!?

that’s his job, bitch

If he ever decides to take it off,,well

“HAHAHA I WAS RIGHT YOU ARE SO UGLY OH MY KAMISAMA PUT IT BACK ON AND PUT SOME DAMN CHAPSTICK AND LOTION ON WHILE YOURE AT IT”

kurogiri warp this ignorant slut away from his sight before he attacc

he honestly cannot believe someone can be so stupid to call the leader of the League of Villains ugly

“Crusty, you ain’t the leader...All For One is.”

he about to end your whole life

R U N

Twice

(this is the first time I’ve written for him ugh this is cringe)

“wow that person is really mean...fucking bitch”

“Who the fuck are you calling a bitch, you Great Value Deadpool wanna-be”

you hurt his feelings

like he cry 😢

he’s baby and he sensitive

don’t do this to him

“And your costume looks like the fucking leather suit from American Horror Story like I’m kinky but you’re on a whole new level”

UM

BITCH

HE MADE THIS COSTUME HIMSELF

just

get the fuck out of his sight, peasant

[queercbc]

Birds of Prey

I loved it! This movie continues the fun, bright direction for this universe while bringing something entirely new to comic book-based films.

[Spoilers for Birds of Prey below]

Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) is FUN. I know literally every review for this film uses that word, but after watching the movie a couple of times that is the word that stays with you through most every scene. Unlike Suicide Squad, BoP keeps all the promises made by the trailer and more. Cathy Yan and Christina Hodson help bring some of the most important characters in comics to life in a pulsating film about orphans overcoming misogyny.

I have waited for this film ever since I first saw Harley Quinn in Suicide Squad.

Suicide Squad failed to translate what made the comic book team so compelling, and insisted on shipping Harley with an abusive psychopath. (I still can’t believe Ayer had Margot Robbie unironically say the line ‘Normal’s just a setting n a dryer.’ Ugh) I remember feeling betrayed when the film ended with her and the Joker riding off into the sunset. Despite all this, Robbie had obviously done her research and was able to bring a charismatic distillation of New 52 Harley to the big screen.

Then, the WB announced that along with their planned Gotham City Sirens film there would be a romantic film about The Joker and Harley, which sounded horrible and cliche. Luckily, Suicide Squad was critically-panned and Wonder Woman was the first clear-cut success for the DCEU (Sorry Snyder diehards.) WW proved that nearly everyone would go to the theater to watch a superhero film that was not only centered around a woman, but was directed by one as well. Ultimately, this film is what happens when R-rated and female-led films are proven to be successful. Yan and Hodson had nothing to prove, but they definitely proved that they could create a team of women who everyone could relate to.

Robbie was able to help convince the studio that the Birds of Prey was the right direction to take the franchise in. This way she could use the notoriety and appeal of Harley Quinn to shine a light on lesser known characters. Through the narration device we have Quinn literally introducing us to lesser known DC characters like Renee Montoya and Cassandra Cain.

Renee Montoya was created for Batman: The Animated Series, just like Harley Quinn. Unlike Harley it took a bit for Montoya’s character to be developed once she was introduced in the comics. In Gotham Central we got to see more of Renee’s life as a queer, Latina woman in law enforcement. Later in 52 we saw her recovering from the trauma of being framed and publicly outed, and then beginning her journey to becoming a vigilante.

In BoP, Renee Montoya is still a badass, queer Latina woman. She has tried to work within the patriarchal, authoritative system for decades but she never got the credit she deserved. We see her journey from hard-drinking tough detective stereotype to member of the Birds of Prey. Rosie Perez is great and it is nice to see a woman that Hollywood might consider old getting to have action set pieces and be just as much a part of the team as the rest of the women. 

Cassandra Cain (the Batgirl everyone forgets) is another character who deserves more recognition. A girl who was raised to be an assassin, but cannot bear to kill another human being. She does not speak and can only communicate through body language.

Cassandra Cain is a completely different character. She is not a trained assassin, she is more a Jason Todd or Mia Dearden analog for Harley: an abandoned child doing what they have to in order to survive. Ella Jay Bosco is fantastic and this interpretation of the character would not work if Bosco’s comedic timing were not as good as it is. She and Robbie bounce off of each other perfectly.

Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn is just as incredible as you expect her to be.  She is obviously great with the slapstick comedy that Harley is known for, but the emotion is always there on her face, ready to bubble to the surface. I wish the film focused less on her relationship with the clown, but it does allow Robbie to play with a heartbroken Harley, a woman trying so hard to hide the pain in her life behind a painted smile. (Please stop calling her the female Deadpool, She-Hulk smashed the fourth wall first and better anyway.)

Helena is the woman who is least served by the story, but there isn’t much to her character. I understand that it is part of her that she has no social skills and has been singularly focused since she was a child. If this franchise continues it would be nice to see her grow beyond her need for vengeance. The role really only works because Mary Elizabeth Winstead brings her wry smirk and deadpan performance to the role.

Ewan McGregor and Chris Messina are also excellent in the roles they are given. The characters are obviously queer-coded, being just as campy and fun as the rest of the film, but their role in the film is mostly to personify the toxicity and abuses of power that have hurt these women in the past. 

Dinah is the one of the only characters aside from Harley that gets explored through the narrative and not by the narration alone. Through Montoya we learn that, like in the early comics, Dinah’s mother (presumably Dinah Drake) was a vigilante whose death caused Dinah to lose faith in the kindness of the world. I’ve already discussed Dinah’s difficult journey to the big screen. This Black Canary is a songstress and fighter, we see that Dinah is willing to work for Roman and keep her head down, until she sees women being assaulted. As jaded as she appears she is always ready to throw down to protect those around her, and is ready to open her heart to other people, especially Helena. Jurnee is incredible at delivering emotion one second, and then a great comedic line less than one minute later. Her ability to emote is exceptional, every look Dinah gives is filled with clear emotion and meaning.

The action in this film is also grounded and dynamic. The action scenes are less influenced by previous superhero films, but by John Wick, even going so far as to bring in the film’s director to punch up the fighting sequences. Each woman has their own style, and to praise Robbie once again, she obviously trained and performed many of the Harley choreography.

Birds of Prey is beautiful, fun, powerful and exactly the kind of film DC should be making.

[P.S. I could not stop listening to the amazing soundtrack while writing this.]

[ask-marcus-cally-and-ari]

Only Human

Chapter 8: Licking Their Wounds 

"What do you think happened to them?" 

“I don’t know. Are they dead?” 

“I don’t know. Check the boy’s pulse.” 

The first thing Marcus felt upon regaining consciousness was a cold hand on his neck, and given the events of the previous day, one could hardly blame him for freaking out. And opening his eyes to see someone in an oddly dressed face mask and a Sniper outfit? That just worsened his mood. He drove a foot into the man’s gut, rolled away, and drew his gun, pointing it at the man, who also had a very large companion wearing a pot. 

“My friends and I had a very bad day yesterday. If you don’t want me to take it out on you, you’ll tell me who you are, what you’re doing here, and why you were touching me,” he hissed, glaring. 

“Gah-!” The masked figure grunted, falling on his back. “F_cking OW! I was just checking your pulse, kid!” 

“Like hell you were!” came the reply. “You with them? You here to kill us, too?!” 

“What? No! We just stumbled across you a few minutes ago!” The man with a pot on his head exclaimed. 

Marcus looked at him. “Who are you two?” 

“I’m Spyper,” The masked man grunted, stumbling to his feet. “This is my friend, Intelligent Heavy.” 

“Let me guess. Freaks?” Marcus asked, keeping the gun trained on Spyper. 

“Yeah, we’re Freaks. Why?” 

Marcus took a step to the side, shielding Cally and Ari’s sleeping forms. “Wanna guess why we had a bad day yesterday?” 

“I can guess. Run in with hostile Freaks?” 

“Yeah. Tried to kill us and gassed a room full of choir girls. And apparently all this is over something that someone wrote or said would happen in the future.” 

Spyper and Intelligent Heavy glanced at each other, then back at the trio. 

“Ok, that just sounds bad. But look, we’re not here to hurt you,” Spyper said, raising his hands. 

Marcus opened his mouth to respond, but a quiet groan interrupted him. “Marcus? Who are you talking to? Where are we?” 

Marcus tensed. “Don’t worry about it, Ar.” 

Spyper frowned and leaned to look past Marcus to Cally and Ari, and then winced. “Your friend doesn’t look too good,” He grimaced, pointing out the wound on Callys head. 

“We fell off that,” Marcus replied, indicating the ledge. 

“I have bandages in my van,” Spyper said carefully. “I’m just going to get them. You stay here.” 

Marcus moved to shield Cally, then nodded, equally cautious. 

Ari, not cautious at all, approached Intelligent Heavy. “Hi! I’m Ari! What’s your name?” 

“I’m Intelligent Heavy,” The big Freak replied. 

“Nice to meet you!” Ari smiled and stuck their hand out. 

“Sounds like you three had a rough day yesterday,” Intelligent said, shaking his hand. 

“Oh, yeah. I got really bad superpowers that let me feel other people’s emotions, and the first time it was used, that Australian guy and his French buddy were putting gas in a room of choir girls to turn them into Freaks,” Ari whined, her eyes shimmering blue. “It hurt so much.” 

“That sounds awful - Wait, an Australian and a French man?”

“Yeah. The Australian guy tricked me into telling him where we were, and then he tried to kill us. And the weird thing is, apparently Marcus killed him earlier! Tricked him into lowering his guard and shot him twice.” 

Marcus nodded, grumbling. “And I’d do it again.” 

Intelligent turned pale, looking over the Trio with a sort of sickly concern. “Oh no...You three were attacked by Christian Brutal Sniper and Gentlespy, two of the most infamous Freaks around.” 

Ari hesitated. “Wait, he’s a Christian? But Cally is a Christian, and she’s a good person! She’d never try to kill one of us!” 

Marcus swore under his breath. “Most infamous Freaks, huh? I guess we really do have to be important if they came after us.” 

Intelligent rubbed his neck. “I don’t know why Brutal calls himself Christian. None of us do, actually. We think he just picked the name at random. Either that or he did it to mock one of our friends, Christian Pure Spy.” 

“Sounds like that kinda @sshole,” Marcus bit out. “So do you know anything about the turning people into Freaks deal?” 

“A little. We know Brutal’s been out with Freaks like Doc Jarate to create something that could do that, but we didn’t realize that he’d already started the process.” 

“Any idea why?” Marcus asked. “And how the three of us are supposed to make that not happen?” 

“I’m not entirely sure why. All Brutal ever said was that it was for payback or something.” 

“Payback? Did someone else, like, torture him to make him a Freak? I’d gladly help him find that guy if that was the case,” Marcus said, leaning back. “No need to take out three teenagers.” 

“Well...I mean his team left him to die in a fire before he became a Freak, but he never really showed any interest in getting revenge against them. I think he wants payback against all of humanity for… something.” 

Ari whimpered. “Aw. Whatever happened to him, it must have been real bad for him to hate the world over it.” 

“Team?” Marcus asked. “He play sports?” 

“No, he was a mercenary before becoming a Freak. His team was made up of other mercenaries.” 

“Mercenary? Like Deadpool?” Ari asked. 

“What? No, a contract killer.” 

A third voice joined the conversation. “Oh, great. A hitman. I- Augh, my head is killing me.” 

“Cally’s awake!” Ari exclaimed. He ran over and knelt down beside Cally. “You ok?” 

“We ran in a magic hamster ball off a cliff. I don’t think I’m- OH MY GOSH WHO ARE YOU?!” Cally jumped upon seeing Intelligent. 

“Don’t freak out! I’m not here to hurt you!” 

Ari giggled. “Heh, freak out.” 

“My friend Spyper went to get bandages for you. Just take it easy,” Intelligent said. 

“Spyper…” Cally thought. “Another Freak. You’re another one?” 

“I am, but we’re not here to cause trouble.” 

“That’s good. We could use a breather.” Cally sat up, hissing in pain, then put her hand to her forehead. The moment she felt the sticky, wet gash on her face, she gagged. “WHEN?!” 

Marcus shrugged. “Hell if I know.” 

Ari waved at Spyper as he came back. “Hi! I’m Ari!” 

“Hey, I’m Spyper,” he waved. He crouched down next to Cally and unpacked the medkit he had. “Now just hold still, this may sting a little.” 

***

Meanwhile, at the hotel, Gentlespy was on the phone, looking very uneasy. “Uh, yes, they got away, sir.” 

“How? You are a trained assassin, how did three teenagers with no grasp on their powers get away from you?” A demonic voice hissed on the other end of the line. 

Gentle hesitated. “Would you believe me if I said the boy formed a magic hamster ball around him and his friends?” 

“...You cannot be serious.” 

“I know that sounds crazy, but that’s what happened. And given his reaction, I believe his powers did that on their own.” Gentle sighed. “I’m as confused as you are. Brutal is just angry.” 

There was a moment of silence, and painful screams echoed somewhere in the background on the other end for several minutes before the archdemon was finally back on the line.

“Did you at least convert the choir?�� 

“That we did. Brutal says he can tell it hurt by both the screams and how the Heart reacted. They’re probably going to wake up in a few minutes.” 

“Find the three. Get the choir acquainted with their situation, and then find the three. Get help if you have to.” 

“Understood.” 

The person hung up, leaving Gentle to get up and head to see how the choir girls were doing. 

Passing the lobby, the Freak allowed his mouth to twitch into an amused smile upon seeing the receptionist with his eyes gouged out, a smile carved into his face, and his heart cut out, chains and hooks coming out of the hole. “Brutal clearly didn’t take losing well, did he? Eh, you’ll wake up soon anyway.” 

Coming to the room the choir girls had been locked in, Gentle was greeted with a rather disturbing sight. Each of the girls were still unconscious, and their bodies were twisted and mangled into insectoid-like forms. Gentle came up to one of the girls and dragged her to her feet before attempting to shake her awake. 

“Wake up, you have work to do,” He ordered sharply. 

The girl opened her eyes, which now looked like insect eyes. Panicked, she moved so she was crouched and a fair distance away from him. “Who are you? Where am I?” her now-monstrous voice came out in a blend of horror and rage. 

“Now just calm down, no good in freaking out,” Gentle said smoothly, raising his hands. “Me and my friend just...Made a few tweaks to you are your little choir group here.” 

The girl looked at her friends and gagged. “You did this to them? To me?! They look like... they look horrible!” 

“You actually look quite normal. For Freaks, at least.” 

“Freaks? What are those?” 

“...Of course, the people we infect don’t even know what a Freak is,” Gentle sighed, throwing up his hands. 

Another voice came in from above them. “We’re superbeings, kid.” 

“Wait, who are you?!” the girl shouted, jumping back as Brutal dropped from the ceiling. 

“Christian Brutal Sniper. You?” The Australian asked, cracking his neck. 

“...Alicia. What did you do to us?” 

“Turned you all into Freaks. I thought that was obvious,” Brutal said, looking over the choir girls, who were now coming to. 

“Wh-” Alicia blinked, holding her head and stumbling back as the other girls sat up, groaning. “What am I hearing?” 

“What am I seeing?” another girl asked, speaking in unison with her. 

“What happened to us?!” a third joined in. 

Brutal peered at the girls, a glint of creepily gleeful curiosity flickering in his eyes. “A hivemind. That’s the best Freak development yet.” 

“Hive mind?!” the girls managed, blinking as their vision and senses returned. “What are you talking about? How did- why- when-” Questions rushed out of the girls’ mouths as they looked at themselves and each other. 

“We could use this,” Gentle said pointedly, pulling Brutal aside.

“You think that I don’t know that? Give Doc Jarate a call. He’ll know how to put these girls to use.” 

Gentle grabbed his phone. “Where’s the adult that came with them?” 

“Not sure. She must have ran out before we got here.” 

Gentle shrugged. “She’s probably gonna end up causing trouble. We can bring her in then.” 

Suddenly, a horrified scream reached everyone’s ears. 

“The chains were overkill, you know,” Gentle commented. 

“Just had to be safe. Bring him here.” 

There was the sound of crashing and fighting, and then the receptionist was pulled in by the chains coming from his chest, snarling like a vicious animal. 

“Seems like an intense little bugger. What do you think his powers are?” Brutal asked, looking the mangled receptionist over. 

“I don’t know. You’ve never gouged out someone’s eyes before.” 

The receptionist moved to bite Brutal’s hand, hissing as black slime dripped from the holes where his eyes had been, falling to the floor and burning through it. 

“Never seen that before…” Brutal mused, peering at the black ooze. 

“Neither have I. He attacked with these things,” Gentle informed, holding up the chains. “And if you get his mouth open the whole way, there are so many teeth in there. Ugh.” 

“Different forms of torture lead to different results...I like this new development,” Brutal chuckled, giving a wry, unhinged grin. 

The receptionist growled, then pulled at the chains as if asking to be let go. 

“Hurry up and give Doc Jarate a call. He’ll want to hear about this.” 

** 

At Spyper’s van, Marcus, Cally, and Ari were eating scrambled eggs. 

Marcus was still watching Spyper and Intelligent like a hawk, his sharp gaze warning them away. Ari was sewing some clothes Spyper had torn, whistling cheerfully. Cally was playing chess with Intelligent. “I still can’t believe you’re so good at chess. You know how many people there are at my school who can play?” 

“How many?” The pot wearing Freak asked, moving his Rook. 

“One,” Cally grumbled. “Just one. Her name is Cally.” 

“Must suck not having anyone to play with,” Intelligent chuckled. 

“Absolutely. I had to play with a computer. Marcus keeps promising to learn, but never does.” 

“Because it’s boring,” Marcus quipped. 

"It is not!" Cally shot back. 

“It’s an acquired hobby,” Intelligent shrugged. 

“I don’t see why you don’t just change out of this,” Ari complained after poking Spyper again. “Don’t you have another outfit?” 

“Why? I look good in this!” Spyper protested. 

“I’ve poked you 4 times.” 

“I can handle it,” Spyper replied. 

“And it smells like pee.” 

“That’s one of my weapons.” 

“You use pee as a weapon?” 

Spyper grinned. “I’ll explain on the way to… where do you want to go?” 

“Anywhere,” Marcus replied. “Anywhere we can get help.” 

“You got it,” Spyper replied, heading to the wheel once Ari was finished. 

** 

The receptionist watched with nonexistent eyes as the girls asked Brutal and Gentle, “So you want to do this to everyone else?” All of them looked at the two with an intrigued, uneasy look. It was as if it was one person. 

“Yes. When everyone’s like this, it means you can do whatever you want without consequences,” Gentle grinned, looking over the new Freaks with sadistic glee. 

“Like, go out late at night?” One asked, and they all tilted their heads. 

“You poor, sweet, innocent souls,” Brutal laughed, shaking his head. “No. We Freaks have had our fun ruined by organizations like HECU for too long. It's time we got rid of them and make this world a sandbox for Freaks like us to run amuck in.” 

“Fun?” 

“Like what?” 

The girls, as one, leaned in, curious. 

“Doing what we used to do. Destroy and maim whatever and whoever we want. To have that rush of adrenaline whenever we want!” Gentle grinned crazily. 

“You kill people?” the girls asked, matching looks of worry crossing their faces. 

The receptionist scoffed decisively, indicating himself. 

“Yes. But afterwards, they’ll wake up with their own superpowers. It’s a win-win situation.”

The receptionist grabbed a Sharpie and drew an eyeroll on a wall. 

The girls tensed. “So we’re dead?” 

The receptionist growled and stormed out of the room. 

“Basically,” Gentle shrugged. 

The girls paused and closed their eyes, as if talking amongst each other mentally, then decided, “You know what? This isn’t too bad. We’re in.” 

Gentle grinned. “Good. Now, here’s what you have to do…” 

As he talked, Brutal went out to get the receptionist and found him in another room sitting in a corner in silence. 

He growled lowly when he heard Brutal approach, and the chains slowly rose in warning. 

“Oh, don’t be like that,” Brutal leered. “It’s not all bad. You’ve got powers now. That’s gotta count for something.” 

The receptionist indicated the hole in his chest and his mouth, hissing. Then he stood up, angrily pointing to himself and out a window, at the town. 

“Now just calm down. Think about this for a second. You won’t be accepted by them anymore, but you’re perfectly welcome with us Freaks.” 

The receptionist tilted his head, snarling, then went back to looking outside. The chains formed the words: I belong out there. 

“Not anymore you don’t,” Brutal said sternly. “You belong here. With us Freaks.” 

You did this to me. How am I supposed to just go with you? 

“Where else are you supposed to go? The people out there will fear you, and they’ll run the moment they see you. Us Freaks are just about the only place you can go.” 

Why do you want to do this? What did I ever do to you? What do you want? 

“Didn’t you hear my friend out there? We want to turn everyone into a Freak, because when everyone’s a Freak, no one will be able to stop us from doing what we used to do. I don’t have to worry about my fun being ruined by HECU or some other organization that decides to pop up.” 

So, anarchy? And you expect me to not only be okay with this, but help you? 

“It is your only option now,” Brutal grinned. 

The receptionist growled, but bowed his head in a silent admission that the Freak who had stripped him of his humanity and turned him into this… thing was right. 

“It’s not all bad. You’ve got powers now,” Brutal assured slyly. “Come on. Let's get you acquainted with some of the Freaks that are helping me with this plan.” 

The receptionist nodded and approached, handing Brutal the chains like a dog handing his owner his leash. 

“Doc Jarate will find a job for you. Trust me, you’ll come to love this life.” 

The receptionist nodded. 

Outside a window, a hooded figure watched the scene with a scowl, then stormed away. “Son of a b@#$h,” she muttered as she headed to a motorcycle. With a pin and scissors, she hotwired it and started it up before driving away. 

[banjodanger]

X-Men: Days Of Future Past(2014);or, How To Squander Potential Without Really Trying

Yes, I should absolutely have posted this by now. However, what I actually did was doomscroll twitter and refresh three news websites constantly for a week and a half and give myself anxiety attacks.

We live in a country where seventy million people thought Trump was anything more than dogshit in semi-human form. Three turds in a poorly-tailored suit. Ugh. Can we please get just have a candidate that supports UBI and M4A? Like, basic human rights?

Anyway.

Let’s get something out of the way. The Rogue Cut is the best version of this movie. Hell, it’s the best of the core X-Men movies. They made a mistake not releasing this in theatres, because I can easily say this movie has everything that make the X-Men team great. It’s dramatic, there are fights, the movie is horny...it is everything you would want out of this movie. It builds off of what made First Class great and continues that story, while still bringing in the characters that made the first three two movies enjoyable.

Even things that didn’t work in previous movies comes back here and get a chance to succeed. Ellen Page was used as a dramatic tool in the(ugh) third one and her version of Kitty Pryde really suffered as a result. I won’t act like she’s given much more to do in this film, but she’s a bit more clearly defined. Her conversation with Logan involves more characterization than the entirety of the third movie. And by bringing in Rogue as Kitty’s salvation at Bobby’s expense, you get a dramatic tension that Ratner either isn’t capable or has never bothered to try.

I think what really makes this movie, and The Rogue Cut specifically, distinct is the amount of world-building it does. The expanded cut gives time to suggest Quicksilver’s mother is a alcoholic, which goes to explain his own risk-taking behavior. It suggests a world that exists beyond his moments in the movie, and that’s something this series has been extremely lacking in. A flaw in this series, and indeed in the entire superhero genre, is a fear of showing these characters as anything other than ON. It’s ok to allow these characters to breathe. Do we need to see his mother’s frustration and coping mechanism? No. But it brings us further into this world

Specifically, take a look at when Beast asks Logan if he makes it in the future. In the theatrical moment it’s a brief aside during the final battle. It’s not a bad choice, Hoult has played Beast as someone who is conflicted and not extremely self-assured; it makes sense that his character would look for encouragement before running off. However, in the Rogue Cut it’s placed before any excitement. We still get the character beat but here it is allowed to breathe, given it’s own room and it’s own focus. It’s seperate and distinct and much better as a result.

All of which makes everything that comes after this movie all the more frustrating. This movie goes out of its way to put the franchise in a new spot, and then it does nothing with it. Hugh Jackman and Ryan Reynolds give us some great solo movies but Hugh Jackman has continuously been the highlight of this franchise, and Ryan Reynolds has basically been auditioning for Deadpool his whole career. There’s a reason he’s the only actor making the transition to Marvel from this series.

While I do still consider this the high point of the franchise, I do wonder if, in hindsight, the movie deserves a little reconsideration. Obviously hard work was put into making this movie, but where does the hard work go? Assume for a second Disney hadn’t consumed Fox into its gaping maw, as to go all intellectual property on its own sullen death march. Apocalypse had certain moments of fun but still brought nothing new to the series, and everything after Deadpool 2 was bogged down in reshoots and delayed releases(Dark Phoenix was originally scheduled for 2018, hardly the delay New Mutants got but by no means did it help.)

Which leads us into problematic stuff. You can’t make an X-Men movie at Fox without some problematic stuff, there’s an ancient incantation in the first movie or something. I mentioned this in the last post, but let’s go through it again. Days of Future Past is a Kitty Pryde story, not a Wolverine story. I get not introducing Rachel Summers and in fact I’m glad they didn’t. And before you get mad, Rachel Summers is a great character. But this movie introduces a half-dozen characters for their “film debuts,” and apart from Quicksilver it wastes every single one of them. Fox does this throughout the entire series too, and I’d rather they not introduce a character than use them for a cameo. This series introduced Jubilee three separate times to literally forget about it in the next scene, so yea, we should be happy they left this character for the inevitable Marvel reboot.

But they had already introduced Kitty. She’s supposed to be the main character in this story. Days of Future Past, in the comics, was Kitty Pryde’s first major story. She was coming in as the brand new character right after the Dark Phoenix Saga which(in case you somehow didn’t know) saw Jean Grey’s death and Cyclops leave the X-Men. It’s not a huge arc but it gave a brand new character a memorable introduction. And in the movie, she’s pushed to a supporting role. This isn’t to say Jackman isn’t great in his role, but that’s something that has been proven time and again. If the movie as a whole was about acknowledging the mistakes, then it stands out that they’re unable to cede the spotlight to another character. People have devoted time and energy to documenting all the ways female superheroes have gotten neglected and pushed to the side, and a lot of those thinkpieces are done by better writers than I. So I’ll just say that Kitty Pryde is absolutely a character that deserves better than this treatment. 

This movie does play fast and loose with history and I’d be remiss if I didn’t make notice here. The Paris Accords were signed in January of 1973, so Peter’s Dark Side of the Moon shirt and Hello Hooray are anachronistic by about a month’s time. Though RFK stadium was there, Washington did not currently have a baseball team in 1973. So, it’s nice that guy is maintaining the baseball diamond but he’s probably doing it for free, and Erik’s probably better off not accepting his help. It deserves mention, however, that this movie doesn’t gloss over the fact that the US decisively lost the Vietnam war. It’s not a huge leap but considering Hollywood in the eighties made “winning the Vietnam War” its own subgenre the change is respectable. The advent of examining DNA is also anachronistic by about forty years. As the last two core films in this series are both set up as period pieces I believe it becomes more necessary to call out these mistakes.

Throughout all of this I feel like this is an essential movie in the franchise. I also don’t think it would have the same impact without watching the six previous movies in the franchise. Not to say people wouldn’t enjoy it, but there’s some jokes and plot beats that I don’t think would hit the same. It’s nothing compared to where the MCU is now(in half the time no less), but I think Marvel as a studio had the benefit of seeing other studios screw up. Fox, in 2000, had no blueprint. I think a move like DOFP was always going to become inevitable, but that it would turn out so well was not. In the end, this movie proves that a launching pad does nothing if you cannot grab that next rung.

Up Next: Ryan Reynolds ensures this franchise will have a second legacy, and finishes out the longest streak of solid movies in this whole franchise.