#i can't watch it without tearing up
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"i would love to create the story and finish the story and everything with mclaren. i really would love that."
#why does it feel like someone is violently stabbing me in the heart over and over and over#baby lando saying he needs to be stronger and make less mistakes over adult lando gazing out the window looking sad... god.#i've watched this so many times but i still can't get through it without tearing up#drive to survive i will never say anything bad about you ever again#lando norris#drive to survive#zak brown#dts spoilers
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I will find you every time(?)
(check all my Reverse 4 You edits)
#reverse 4 you#thai gl#gl series#four x jattawa#my post#original post#reverse 4 you edit#my edit#I can't watch this scene without tearing up 😢
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Qualia sisters designs GO (ft shitty mockups of their donut designs)
#i wanted to do more with the comic thingie but i soooo eepyyyy#adhoc labs#fandroid#melody qualia#harmony qualia#rhythm qualia#treble qualia#i randomly started thinking about them and now i need to develop all of them and their relationships#harmony is the eldest and falls into the trap of becoming really overprotective and overbearing#especially after humanity collapsed or whatever the fuck happened in the timeskip#she knows melody had been sneaking off to adhoc for a while and was NOT happy about it#but melody is a slippery one and kept sneaking out anyway#after or sometime during the timeskip she started to spend more and more time at adhoc waiting for fandroid to wake up#harmony couldn't leave qualia because. shes the eldest. she's got rhythm and treble to watch after her.#harmony argues with beepo to let her call through adhoc for a while before he lets her#and melody isnt happy about this (on top of the whole my best friend is in a coma deal)#she gets into a nasty fucking argument with harmony that ends in tears and a blocked contact#after a while the radio silence from melody DOES start to get to her#but beepo won't let her back in as per melody's request#(i also hc melody and bpo friendship real during the timeskip hehehaha)#and when 404 starts being 404#beepo cant even deny her requests to access because hes too focused on the bot raising hell#which starts to freak harmony out AGAIN because now shes getting radio silence from basically the embodiment of adhoc#i just think this character with little to no canonical content is neat#together they can make wonderful music but melody doesn't need them because fandroid can compose just fine#but the other three can't without melody#a choir never complete#anyway treble is transfem aaaand post
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ID in alt
alternatively
#toh#the owl house#luz noceda#i literally can't watch this scene without tearing up#“The only thing i've ever wanted...was to be understood” scene#the not spoiler house
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*blows a kiss somewhere in the general direction of the sky, and therefore space*
For HAL
#2001 a space odyssey#hal 9000#i finished reading the first book today#first things first: beautifully written book! absolute masterpiece! 10/10 highly recommend!#but also#i'm still tearing up thinking about the murder scene (which is what it was) even though i read it a day ago#it was Not any easier in written form. not at all. still Extremely painful.#i love him and i hate what happened to him#can't wait to start 2010 so i can see him alive and well again#(sidenote: last time me and my mum watched 2001 i genuinely did blow a kiss at hal without thinking about it...#it's cool though#my mum understands#i told her before the first time we watched it: 'listen i'm Absolutely gonna fall in love with hal'#(and she expected that from me anyway)#and so my very immediate falling in love has been no surprise to her whatsoever ALSMSLXNSNXN)
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POOKIE'S DEAD. :( CRODE.
They went and showed his whole backstory too like?!?! His whole point to live is to die in battle!?! FUCKKK WHAT THE HELL TIT.E KUBO WHY'D YOU HAVE TO GO SO HARD ON THIS UGLY SEXIST MOTHERFUCKER
.......can I even finish Bleach with him gone...... I'm much more devastated than I thought I'd be...... They went so hard on his death...... Like oh man you didn't have to rip my heart out......
#that's Precisely why he died and kenpachi lived. Kenpachi didn't like dying. and Nnoitra's whole purpose was to die.#oh okay I'm tearing up again as i write this that's fine.#he's fucking dead. i thought it'd be like the others where it's just like. That's a wrap! NO THEY DOVE INTO HIM.#HIS ONLY GOAL IS TO DIE IN THE BATTLEFIELD. HE SHOWS NO MERCY TO ANYONE.#ALSO THE CUT TO NNOITRA AND NEL MEETING EYES FOR ONE FINAL MOMENT BEFORE HIS DEATH#?#TESSRA CRYING AS NNOITRA DIED?? LIKE I THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD BUT HE WAS SO :( HE WAS CRYING BEYOND HIS GRAVE????#NNOITRA. NNOITRA YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME NNOITRA.#i cant save him guys his whole life is to die in battle. can i even convince him out of that.#He's doomed himself. Oh My Fucking God. NNOITRAAAAA#FROWNING EMOOOJI. NNOITRA.#i dont know if i can save him guys i think he doomed himself. he's so stubborn. He's the most stubborn motherfucker alive.#Nel and Kenpachi both wanted to stop when he was 'defeated' but he was still breathing. to him a battle isn't over till someone's dead.#he doesn't want to be seen as weak. he hates pity. his inferiority complex goes so fucking hard.??#maybe not inferiority but. Insecurity. he's so. o my Fucking Lord.#head in hands.#can i even watch bleach after this.#THE MOST. FUNNY PART. IS THAT. WITHOUT KNOWING. I'M PRETTY SURE I BOUGHT THE VOLUME HE DIES.#PAST ME BOUGHT THE VOLUME HE DIES IN. I'M PRETTY SURE. OR AT LEAST.#THE VOLUME RIGHT BEFORE HE DIES.#OKAY I SKIMMED. HE TOTALLY DIES IN THIS ONE#OH MY GOD. PAST ME. PAST ME. FUCK YOU PAST ME. YOU GOT THE VOLUME HE FUCKING DIES IN.#YOU IDIOT. YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW NNOITRA EXISTED AT THAT POINT. YOU GOT THE VOLUME HE FUCKING DIES IN.#FUUUUUUUUCKK#I'm gonna kill him one million times over I fucking hate this guy#writers on ao3 i beg that you made him happy i hope you made him happy please give him joy in his life ao3 writers please i need him happy.#sobbing.#not drinking bleach#spoon cloak
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I'm so excited (and so scared) for Sam and Darlin to have The Talk. Like it's so interesting because Darlin has been a wolf their whole life. Being a wolf is so integral to who they are as a person because it has shaped them so much. Not only would they lose their shfited form, but they'd lose their connection to the pack. Sure, they'd always be welcomed, but they'd lose the ability to shift, to talk to their packmates while shifted, to participate in pack runs the way they always have. They wouldn't be able to shift at all because their core would be replaced completely by a vampiric one. And would Sam even be willing to turn them? Would he ask someone else to do it? Could Darlin stand someone having That Much Power over them?
And then from a creating standpoint, we've already gotten a listener turned into a vampire. is erik gonna do that storyline again? ugh its so interesting.
#like maybe its me projecting but i feel like thats such a difficult ask for darlin#like lovely we never got to see what their family was like#but we see and *know* darlins family#we've seen them reform those relationships#they'd have to watch everyone they love grow old without them#but then on the otherhand i can't see them ever wanting to leave sam#ahhh its just so heartbreaking their genuinely is no good answer here#every outcome will lead to someone hurt i and just know that'll tear darlin up#redacted spoilers#redacted audio#redacted sam#redacted darlin#redacted [redacted]
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i'm so angry and heartbroken and i think this is all i will ever be
#no it's not pms :( Jeremy is still missing and i haven't slept well waiting for him#it's getting so cold too#all my ''''progress'''' this year means nothing to me#also my sister is here because she didn't have to work yesterday and today and my brother video called her not knowing she was here#and when she picked up he was all cheerful and happy and it sounded like they video call often#(he texted me only a few times when he moved to the north and not a single time since he moved to Argentina)#and when he realized she was here he sort of got quiet and asked if i was around and she pointed the camera at me which always makes me sic#so i didn't look or wave and i didn't say anything and he said “she's got he headphones on” and my sister said no lol and it was awkward#then she told him we are all sad about Jeremy and said me in particular#i've been so sad and moody and angry#i can't do anything because of this anguish i feel#can't read or watch movies because i can't concentrate#i watched the emperor's new groove the other day to cheer up a little but it made sad#nostalgia doesn't work for me when i'm down like this because i see through it lol and i remember i spent my whole childhood scared#i remember i was certain something bad would happen to me (and it did but not as tragic as what i was scared of)#i'm rambling. i should be journaling instead#...#Keanu is with me now and i can't even look at him without tearing up because i start thinking about Jeremy#it's so cold and he's probably hungry. if he's even alive#the cats are all i have. i spend more time with them than with the only 2 humans i can interact with without throwing up (mom and sister)#you know how they say cats mirror twhe personality of their humans :( Jeremy is exactly like me. my mom and siblings used to joke about it#he hides when people come over to the house:( he pees himself when strangers touch him :(#we have the vet come over so we don't have to take him out of the house#and the vet is the only person he's forced to see. he pees himself when she touches him too#i can't stop thinking about how he's doing if he's still alive because he gets scared so easily and he's so anxious#i'm so angry because i should go outside and look for him but i can't even picture myself out of this house#i feel so betrayed too. because one thing is my stupid sick head thinking there's no amount of therapy or meds that could work for me#but why is my family listening to me when i say these things. why don't they get me lobotomized or something#maybe it is a bit of pms#📓
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thinking about Thorin and Bilbo, remembering Battle of the Five Armies and how that movie fucking destroyed me at the theater, had me trapped in an hour long crying and sobbing hellscape, tears and snot running down my face after it ended
#even just remembering them and how it all ended is making me tear up again lmao#never gonna be over their tragic end NEVER#looking back it's kinda funny how i was the guardian person at 18 for all my other friends who hadn't turned 18 yet#so we could all watch the evening showing at the theater without getting into legal trouble for staying out too late#but i was the one who needed to be hugged and patted on the head and comforted because one part of my otp died#and i even KNEW it was coming. i read the novel beforehand. and even before that i got spoilered by a classmate (still mad about it)#like i KNEW there would be death but it still hurt my fragile little bagginshield shipper heart lmao#can't believe that it's been almost a decade now
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Screenshots from 8:11 that make me so gut wrenchingly sad
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:(((
#Vents 🌧️#sorry in advance for venting on here. I just... sort of want a kind person to listen to me#and you all are quite nice to me#I don't think my friends at school care about me very much#I mean. of course they find me annoying#because there's only so much time you can spend with me before I become so grating you have to take breaks from me#everyone at school finds me annoying. that's just how it is#but I feel like it's been getting worse#they're hiding things from me now... they're making plans without me and won't tell me about them#I'm not stupid I know they're setting up time together#I guess they didn't want me to know so I can't insert myself into it#I think they're going to leave me soon.#this is how it always happens. we start out and we click and I get comfortable around them and I stop masking as much#and then I watch as their liking for me diminishes#I know I've got my friends online but I wish I could get a hug from a friend who really actually wants to hug me#oh#<- they thought about a hug from one of their f/os and started tearing up#sometimes I worry that my f/os wouldn't really want me around#I know they're not real and I can do whatever I want with them but sometimes it's hard to picture them loving me as myself#I never think about myself unmasked around my f/os. I only think about them with the perfect version of me#maybe it's because I'm scared they wouldn't like the real me. like everybody else#I wish I could hear them tell me that.
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WITCHER CONTENT
I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE (FINAL) SEASON OMG!!!!!!
ALSO THEM TALKING ABOUT HENRY LEAVING AND HENRY'S SPEECH... I CRIED
youtube
#I'm so emotional about this#way more than I thought I would be#probs cause henry's the reason I started this show and got into it#and without him campiagning for things I feel like it's gonna be shit#I will watch some clips of joey and anya mainly#but I can't bring myself to watch it after this#this is MY final season#and it's actually making me tear up#I've missed this show anyway#way more than I thought#the witcher#the witcher netflix#the witcher season 3#Youtube
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working in fast food will give you eating disorders you’ve never even heard of
#eating disorder tw#ednos tw#almost 6 full months out of Ch*potle#where the manager worked us for 10 hour shifts without breaks#which isn't illegal where I lived! (:#the hunger the nausea the hunger that turns back into nausea#the total emptiness in your stomach#the way that you stop feeling hunger#the way that the nausea stays#the way that you can't tell whether you're hungry or full when you do actually eat#shoving a meal into your mouth while your stomach revolts against it#keeping food on the line and keeping food from coming back up#the dread of work making you too nauseous to eat breakfast#the awareness that something is becoming radically wrong with your body#getting 10 hours of fitful sleep and watching your hair fall out in the shower#not remembering to eat on your days off because your circadian rhythm is so thoroughly ruined#months later waking up in a sweat#having nightmares that you're at work again#the first time that you notice you're hungry again#your stomach growls and your eyes fill with tears because here it is#audible proof that my body is relearning its sensations again#phantom memories of shoving chips in your mouth while scrubbing the grill just so that you can feel something#shaking your fist at the store when you drive by#random intrusive memories of the crap that your manager pulled#and the sunrise of the smile that cracks across your face as you realize that he has no power over you#not now and not ever again
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RANKING (VAGUELY-)LEFTIST YOUTUBER #CANCELLATIONS ON A 2-AXIS GRAPH BASED ON THEIR "EXTREMETY OF THE #CANCELLED GRIEVANCE ITSELF" (i.e. did the single "event" merit that reaction blablabla) VERSUS "BROADER AURA OF DOOM, DESPAIR, ANGER, BEGRUDGEMENT, ET AL. PRIOR TO THE EVENT" (i.e. how much prior kindling there was for the #cancellation)
NUMBER O-
youtube
#one of those things that IS actually like. interesting. to me. and i think has merit to discuss. but is also like sticking your hand in a#giant fan#i bring this up because i got 'lindsay ellis talking about The Incident' jumpscared in the comments to a video about the lion king#and like. god that one was a fucking mess#like the main thing that got her 'cancelled' is relatively 'al capone tax evasion' on the severity-to-punishment-o-meter but like the gener#general reputational climate surrounding her in particular was just so much fucking messier than that makes it sound. she didn't have any#particular 'knowingly says a slur with the intent to disparaige' moments tmk but theres so many just fucking wierd minor things that i'm no#SURPRISED shit just conflagrated like that. just little one-off bits of bullshit (plus the stephanie meyer thing ig#but like i didn't watch the video and i need to be more vigilant about that. not even sure its fair to say LE STARTED the twilight rennaisa#rennaisance's bull. not saying i support *gestures* but i really can't judge her directly or anything)#(hell the fact my primary artistic project is a fucking homestuck fan*comic is. ghuh. stones and glass houses but i can't really do anythin#with that ip without the involuntary urge to shout 'ITS STILL FUCKING RACIST AND STEEPED IN ENOUGH ABLEISM TO KILL A HORSE' even when#critically engaging with its GOOD points. never see that level of 'this thing i like is a piece of shit' from the mormon vampires crowd. )#(thats a generalization you totally do if you dig enough)#sorry. my brains been on a tear. i have a doc's appointment tomorrow and i've been braindead from stress abt it all week but#finding out the details abt nicalis shutting down CSE2 just put my brain in complete fucking avalanche mode#oh if you wanna be spicy you could add a z-axis for 'how affective WAS the airquotes hashtag cancellation at shutting the damn hell up'#Youtube
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what does your life look like -- without me there ?? without me there ?? do I still cross your mind -- without me there ?? without me there ??
is heaven all we thought it'd be ?? can you still hear my voice now ?? are you watching down on me ?? when all i see is stars ??
what does your life look like -- without me there ??
𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 .
#✦ { ooc. }#mmm thinking about seiros and sothis and mmmm#this song always makes me tear up. i can't watch the music video without crying. just really hits hard.#cl singing about her mom's sudden death and being a few months out and still trying to make sense of it... hits ME hard. i love cl.#missing a parent is such a particularly hollowing kind of grief especially when you're still in that first part of your life#i think often about HOW young seiros was when sothis was killed and i really feel for her because that's gotta make you feel *lost*#people rag on how rhea can't let go and that's TRUE but idk ig as someone who also lost a parent i can see how she become to caught up in i#its weird when someone you spent your whole life with goes away because when you are a child your life revolves around your parent#when that gets disturbed before you are fully your own person... that's got to affect you really hardcore#it doesn't excuse any of what she's done obvi but i get why seiros did what she did regarding sitri after losing sothis#its like her dragon hoard is her loved ones#she visits them. asks how they are. wonders if their bones know she's still there with them. its sad... and she sits in that sad place ofte#i am going OFF but i got caught with a feeling and am running with it.#Spotify
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man i'd really like for revallen to encounter the ghost of his father but with his skillset it's just not likely
#revallen lavellan#now nessie on the other hand is a dreamer. she could very easily meet dirennen. but she wouldn't know him from any other elvhen spirit#unless she straight up said 'im revallen's daughter!' and dirennen just latched onto her as kin to protect#revallen would have questions. he would have closure to get. he'd be able to speak to his father as equals#and ask to hear the tales that only the dead can tell#but without nessie's help or even solas' he can't do it purposefully. he would love to. but he can't#it would wreck him tbh. dirennen would say 'you've grown well‚ my son' and revallen would just collapse#the survivors guilt of watching his father die. the guilt of failing his clan. the grief at losing his family‚ his wife. the self loathing.#it would all hit at once and all of a sudden he's right back to being the teenage boy who's scared to face more loss#he covers his face to hide the tears and dirennen pulls him into a comforting embrace. 'know and mourn the past‚ my son‚' he says#'but look always towards the future.'#if nessie is there she hugs him and it's a little father-daughter bonding moment#if solas is there it's kind of awkward. but he comes up on one side and puts an arm around revallen's shoulders and supports him anyways#half carrying half leading him back to the edge of sleep when dirennen fades#when he's less actively agitated he asks if he's all right. and instead of answering revallen just Vanishes#because dorian woke him up#because something woke dorian up. and when he turned to look at revallen's sleeping face (which he is fond of doing) there were tears#when dorian wiped them away there were more. so he shook revallen awake. 'amatus!' and revallen startled back to consciousness#eyes wide and confused with lingering hurt. another tear falls and dorian wipes it away‚ cupping his cheek. 'you were dreaming‚ amatus.'#'are you all right?' and revallen blinks. then sighs deeply and nods‚ closing the distance between him and dorian.#''m ok' he mutters sleepily. 'w's just old ghosts. sorry I woke you.'#etc etc cute sleepy bed shit im running out of tags#i do think dirennen and nessie would have a spirit mentor/acolyte thing going on. he could teach her adahl'era and give her guidance#'let me go ask granddad rq' * conks the fuck out*#i think he'd also be naturally drawn to/protective of her. like as a dreamer yeah but also she's naturally receptive to spirits
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