#i can't put it down. like i almost stayed up to binge read it and the only thing that stopped me was the fact that it was Sunday night

[precioustarkey]

journalism at its finest

summary: you have made a career for yourself by interviewing celebrities, but are feeling a little uncomfortable when one hits close to home.

warnings: none

i nervously climbed into my car. the engine only makes my nerves rattle more. growing up, i was infatuated with actors and musicians. i found myself watching movies for the actors instead of the plot. listening to songs for the singers instead of the message. i can't explain my relationship with the media. i guess being online a lot as a teenager is to blame.

regardless, i knew from an early age that i wanted to work in the industry. not as an entertainer, but in the background. i wanted to observe the lifestyle up close. going to college for journalism was the best decision i have made for myself because now i get to live out my fantasy. 

i get paid to interview these people. and though i find a lot of them uptight and spoiled, the nosy side of me loves picking them apart. because of my job, i try my best to stay neutral on these celebrities so that they don't feel uncomfortable. apart from the research i do in order to come up with my questions, of course.

today is different. there is a show called "outer banks" that came around during quarantine, so with my free time, i binge-watched the entire first season. as i mentioned, normally i watch tv shows and movies for the actors, but i hadn't seen anyone in this show. 

however, when i delved deeper into google, i found the name of one of the actors to be familiar. drew starkey. i quickly found out that he grew up in north carolina, as did i. confused, i pulled myself from my cocoon on my couch to find my old high school yearbooks. grabbing one at random, i see him grinning in his senior photo. how could i forget? 

ever since i discovered this, i avoided the show like the plague. even though i had been surrounded by celebrities for years now, i had never known one of them personally. it almost ruined the glamorous aura surrounding them. imagining him as a regular teenage boy in the classes we shared was humbling. he wasn't mean in high school, not at all. if anything, i remember finding it odd that he hung around the theater kids because he was a total jock.

because of quarantine, i knew that press would be difficult for the actors, and because of this, i never anticipated having to interview them. which helped ease my nerves. moving to los angeles meant that i would interview every celebrity on the new up-and-coming shows. part of me hoped the hype surrounding the show would die down before the lockdown did.

the entire ride to the studio, i told myself over and over again that there was no way he would remember me. he was a jock, and i barely spoke. it wasn't the fact that i was shy, high school just wasn't for me. i counted down the days to graduation. i was only there because i had to be. i put more focus on my studies than my social life. 

in the back of my mind, i can't help but fear that seeing him will bring back memories of being the closed-off kid i was back then. as long as no one mentions it, everything will be okay. i repeated that to myself a few times before parking my car in the lot. removing my seatbelt as slowly as possible to buy time.

my hands are shaking as i walk to my studio. i send passing smiles to my coworkers as i make my way to the bathroom. i confirm that my hair, face, and outfit look presentable, and read over my questions one last time. 

the cameraman walks up to me as i take my seat to wait for the cast to arrive. "i just got a call; austin and drew are going to be the only ones you're interviewing today. madelyn, rudy, and  madison will be interviewed tomorrow," he says, looking for any sort of confirmation. "that sounds perfect," i say, smiling, still looking at my cards. 

i hear footsteps coming from the hallway and quickly stand up. austin and drew emerged into the room with their crew. "hello! so nice to meet you, my name is y/n," i say with a grin as i hold out my hand to them. they do the same, introducing themselves as they take turns shaking my hand. 

all three seats are now filled, so we can begin the questions. the first fifteen minutes go perfectly; we're laughing, they're thoroughly interested in the questions, and they're giving great answers. turning my attention to drew, i ask, "has this sudden change in lifestyle been difficult for you at all? to go from putting your all into basketball, to then deciding on theater in college?" 

he looks taken aback by my question. that nervous feeling in my stomach is slowly creeping back. i made sure that his sports background was easy to find online, so i was confident he wouldn't be too surprised. "wait a second. y/n? y/n y/l/n?" i can feel my cheeks flush at his realization. 

"can i be honest? i was hoping you wouldn't notice," i said, covering my face with my note cards. we are now sharing smiles. "oh my god. i sat behind you in algebra, you're the only reason i passed that class," he says in between laughs. seeing him in person has brought all of those little memories flooding back. 

after a minute or so of catching up, their team urges us on. "we've got other interviews, guys," the man says impatiently. we carry on for an additional fifteen minutes or so before i have run out of questions to ask. we said our farewells, and i thanked them for coming.

just as they were leaving, drew turned around, brushing past the guys they had walked in with. "y/n can i get your number? i would love to catch up properly whenever we both have time," he says, pulling out his phone. "yes, of course!" i smile, quickly typing in the numbers before they are once again rushed away. 

it felt like no time before my phone started dinging.

part two is here!

[bteezxyewriter12]

Where's Your Clothes?

Pairing- San x Named Reader

Word count- 5.4k

Includes- Oral, pussy eating, blow job, deepthroating, cum eating, cock riding, missionary, dirty talk, squirting, multiple orgasms, fluff

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxminnie @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@yeosxxx @seokwoosmole @jjongsbebe @wisejudgedragonhairdo @meowmeowminnie @woo-stars @borntowalkaway @usagionthered @san-realblkwife @seonghwasstar @jejeyeppeo @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @prayerofthehaim @realisticnotes @pinkies-things @insomniacatiny @stephy-nicole13

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Masterlist 📝ATEEZ Masterlist 📝San Masterlist

J POV

Getting out of my shower, I turn to the towel bar and frown

Fucking hell

I forgot to put new towels before my shower

That is if I even have any more

I've slacked on my laundry

It's just that it's so goddamn hot outside and I'd rather stay inside in my air condition apartment than go out

And that means pj's all day

I'm so thankful I chose being a teacher

Paid summers off and I get to slack off in my AC home, napping, TV show binging, reading, YouTube binging and whatever else I feel like doing

But being in PJs means laundry isn't getting full with clothes, the towels pile up and I forget all about it

I don't want to leave the bathroom because I'm soaking wet and the AC is gonna make me freeze

I have it on in my bedroom and my living room

My best friend San is coming over today to hang today and we switch between hanging in my room and the living room

And he will complain if he has to wait for either to get cool

I check the time on my phone, groaning

He's coming in like ten minutes

I have to brave the cold to get dressed before he comes

Opening the bathroom door, I sprint to the linen closet, the cool air from the living room making me shiver, goosebumps rising on my skin

When I look in the closet I sigh

No towels

Great

How am I supposed to dry my damn hair?

Fuck

Whatever

Scrolling on my phone, I walk to my bedroom, opening the door as I walk in

I close the door, look up and shriek, jumping back

"Where the fuck are your clothes?", San gapes from my bed at the same time I land on my foot wrong, fall backwards, my back and head hitting the door as I land on my ass

All while naked

Fucking perfect

"Shit, Jo are you ok?", San asks, running over to me

"When the fuck did you get here?", I ask, rubbing the back of my head, as his arms move around me, helping me up

"Like fifteen minutes ago", he says, "I used my key when you wouldn't answer the bell and I heard the shower running. I just didn't think you'd walk around with no clothes on"

Right

I'm naked

With his arms around me, holding me

I see in his eyes when he realizes the same thing, his arms moving away, his gaze looking down

"Fuck", he says as he gets an eye full of my boobs, then averts his gaze to the ceiling

I stand frozen not sure of what to do

His gaze flits back to my boobs, slowly moving down more, biting his bottom lip hard

My brain is screaming to move, put fucking clothes on but I can't make my body move

I don't know what spot his eyes are looking at, I just know he's looking at my skin intensely

Almost as if he's in a trance, his hand moves, his cool fingers running softly down my tattoo that runs from my ribs to my hip

My skin shivers where he touches and I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little turned on

His gaze moves to my sternum tattoo, his fingers following, tracing the lines slowly in barely there touches

I notice his breathing changes, becoming more labored with every piece of skin he touches

His other hand moves to my hip, trailing behind me and gently up my back, feeling good

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing

I should tell him to stop, move away from him but I can't

More than can't, I don't fucking want to

I want his hands on me, touching me

It's something I've longed for awhile

So I let him touch me, his hands moving around my boobs, squeezing softly then running up over my shoulders, down my back, over my hips

His hand moves to my lower stomach, then slowly slides up

"So soft", he murmurs, his hand now in-between my boobs

It's taking everything in me to keep standing up right

He leans forward and I wonder what he's going to do when his lips land on my collarbone, pressing a kiss into my skin

I breathe hard, warmth and tingles exploding on the skin under his lips

His lips move to another spot, then another, peppering kisses all over my chest, collarbones and neck

"Should I stop?", he murmurs

"No", I whimper

It's like now that I have his kisses, I need them

His kisses travel down, around my boob until he gets to my nipple

His tongue moves out of his mouth, licking across my nipple, a moan coming from my mouth as I feel it get hard

His tongue licks again and again, soft groans coming from him

He likes this too

It's a shock

Moving to my other nipple, he tugs it into his mouth, sucking softly while his fingers play with my other one

My pussy floods with juice, throbbing as he keeps going, turning me on so much

He plays with my boobs for a bit and I just stand there letting him

His mouth starts it's descent down my body again, this time his tongue licking my skin before he kisses it

Fuck me, who knew San could be this soft?

When he gets to my belly button, he bites on my ring, tugging it softly then giving another kiss

He moves dangerously lower, his hands following the downward path on my back

He kneels as he goes down, his hands now squeezing my ass, his mouth kissing right above my pussy

And fuck I need him

When he's right in front of my pussy, I push my hips forward just as he leans forward, his tongue licking my clit, pleasure running up my spine, a moan escaping

He sucks my clit in his mouth, tugging and playing, my pussy even more soaked

"Fuck", I whimper, my legs shaking as he sucks on me, his hands kneading my booty and pushing me forward more, keeping me right against his mouth, my hands on his shoulder and in his hair, holding on to stay upright

He switches to circling my clit with the tip of his tongue, the pleasure insane

I had no idea San knew how to eat pussy

I don't see him much because he's an idol and we don't really talk about our sex lives

So all this is a surprise to me

"Mmm so good", he murmurs, "Pretty little throbbing clit, love it in my mouth"

That's so fucking hot

His tongue swipes a few more times, then he's back to sucking, my fingers twisting in his hair from the intense bliss

His eyes look up at me, watching me watch him, not tearing his gaze from mine

Goddamn, this is so fucking erotic

Her slurps on my clit repeatedly, making sure his tongue is right against my bump, licking at the same time

It's all so much and I'm right there

He slurps once more and I fall over the edge right into an amazing orgasm

"San", I whimper, his eyes never moving from my face as he sucks as fast as he can, pleasure running through ever nerve, getting me through it

I pull his hair, holding him against my cunt until I finish

When I do, he kisses my clit once, then stands, his face a mess of juice and cum, making me blush

He takes my hand, leading me to my bed

I sit at the edge and he gently pushes me back, opening my legs slowly

He moans, getting back down on his knees, his tongue licking right up my pussy

"Sannie", I cry, my body arching as he keeps sliding his tongue up

"So fucking good", he murmurs, "You taste so good. Sweet cream. Better than I thought you'd be"

Wait what?

What did he- oh god

All thoughts leave my head as his tongue buries in my cunt, swirling everywhere, touching all the right places

"Yes Sannie", I moan

His tongue dips into my hole, wiggling in, making me gasp out in bliss

So good, so fucking good

He gently fucks his tongue into me, making sure he gets as much as he can inside, swiping in my pussy before he pulls out again

God, I never had this much pleasure from a tongue before

My hips move on their own, grinding into his face, his tongue not stopping

"Mm yeah baby", he whimpers between thrusts, "Fuck my face. God, you're fucking perfect"

Yeah right

No way

He's perfect

I'd argue but I'm in too much pleasure to speak

His hands hold my legs open, gripping hard on my thighs as he eats my cunt fucking perfectly

His tongue slips up, playing with my clit, his two fingers sliding in my cunt at the same time and I clench around them hard

"Yeah baby", he praises, moving his fingers in and out, his mouth sucking on my clit again, upping the pleasure

My hips still move on their own, fucking his fingers, taking them deeper

His fingers rub against a spot inside me that has me gasping and crying out, my body shivering

"Found it baby", he says, his fingers pressing and rubbing my spot

I feel another orgasm building and I'm shocked I'm gonna cum again

Normally once is enough or it'll take awhile

His fingers pound in and out and he murmurs against my clit, "Cum against my face baby. All over my fingers. Lemme swallow your sweet cream"

He sucks once more, his fingers pressing my spot and I lose it, bliss blinding me, my body shaking hard as I cum, shouting his name

My body arches as his fingers pull out, his tongue replacing them

I clench down hard on his tongue, the beautiful moan he lets out bouncing in my brain, adding to the pleasure

His tongue moves in and out as he swallows, the pleasure slowly tapering off as I finish

He gives me one long lick, then presses a kiss to my pussy, sitting back on his knees

I struggle to sit up, looking down at him in amazement

He meets my gaze, a small smile on his lips

I don't think, moving to the floor and kneeling in front of him

Moving my hand to his face, I softly stroke his skin, finally able to feel how soft it is under my fingers

His head leans into my touch, lips pressing a kiss to my palm, his eyes still on mine

There are a swirl of emotions in his eyes that I can't place right now but I also see want in them

And I want him

I move my hands to the hem of his shirt, pulling it slowly up his body, giving him time to stop me

But he does the opposite, eagerly helping me like he can't wait to get out of his clothes

The shirt is tossed away and I'm left with the San from the music videos

The hard muscular chest, the fucking abs, the muscley arms

I place my hands on his chest, the power and strength in him like a tangible thing

I slowly trail my hands down his body, feeling every muscle, his skin so soft, so perfect

I touch his abs, running my fingers over them, a look of pleasure on his beautiful face, his teeth biting his bottom lip

Moving my hands around his wrists, I trail up his arms to his shoulders then slip on his back

Leaning forward I kiss his chest again and again, soft whimpers coming from him, my fingers trailing up and down his back at the same time

His skin is baby soft, smooth, perfect

I kiss everywhere on his chest, then move to his shoulders, just wanting to kiss him absolutely everywhere

Placing my hands on either side of his neck, I move them up, cupping his face, his eyes moving to mine

I run my thumb over his lip and I can't stop myself

I lean forward, my lips against his in a world altering kiss

The floor tilts under me, butterflies burst in my stomach, my head dizzy and in the clouds

It's so much more than I expected, blowing me away

We move our mouths at the same time, our tongues against each other's, deepening the kiss

I'm on cloud fucking nine, wanting nothing more than to kiss him forever

I slide my arms around his neck, my fingers sliding in his silky black hair, his arms moving around my waist, pulling me against him

He turns us, laying me on the carpet, his lips never leaving mine as he moves on top of me

I fall into his kiss, never wanting to stop

This is the best kiss of my life

And my best friend is giving it to me

I should be surprised but I'm not

Not with the way I feel for him

His hands move down my body, fingers igniting a fire in every cell he touches

My legs move around him as he presses himself against me, his dick hard under his sweatpants

Oh shit, I made him hard

Or well, doing this with me made him hard

Either way, I've never thought this would ever happen

He moves his hips as his tongue plays with mine, rubbing his hard cock against my pussy

I moan in his mouth, feeling so fucking good

He leans on his arm by my head, his other hand gripping my thigh hard, holding my leg against him as he rolls his hips into me

"Naekkeo", he whines, my heart soaring at the nickname, "Can I take my pants off baby? Please?"

I nod, moving my hands down, starting to push them and his boxers off

He moves on his knees then stands, pulling everything down and kicking them off

I get my first look at his cock and oh my god, it's so big

Holy shit

He moves back down on his knees, his mouth against mine as he goes on top of me again

His hard dick is right against my pussy, rubbing against me, making me more wet

Fuck, I just want him inside me but I'm not sure he wants that

There is something else I can do though

Breaking the kiss, I push him back gently, panic in his eyes

"I'm sor-", he starts

"Let me taste you Sannie", I tell him

His eyes widen in surprise, "You want..."

"To suck your dick Sannie", I assure him, moving my hand down, wrapping around his hard cock, stroking him slowly, "Will you let me?"

He nods slowly, almost like he doesn't believe I'm going to do it

"Lay back baby", I tell him, softly pushing him down on the carpet

I kiss his soft lips then move to his neck, pressing kiss after kiss, trailing them down his hot as fuck body

I get to his huge dick, kissing all around his base then licking slowly up

Fuck, his skin is so soft but he's so hard at the same time

Getting to his head, I waste no time in wrapping my mouth around it, sucking softly

"Oh god"

I look up at him, finding his gaze already on me, watching me suck his dick, the pleasure on his face so satisfying

I'm making him feel good

Hopefully he'll remember this

Moving my tongue by his slit, I lick up the cum he's leaking in my mouth, moaning at how good he tastes

Like really, cum shouldn't taste this good

I take as much of him in my mouth as I can at the moment, sucking harder, faster, wrapping my hand around the rest of his cock

I squeeze gently, then move my hand up and down as I move my mouth on him, his gorgeous sounds so fucking erotic

I breathe in through my nose, preparing myself

Letting go of his cock, I slide all the way down, gagging but getting him all in my throat

"Oh my fucking god", he pants, his chest rising and falling so rapidly

My throat spasms around him and I swallow on his length to try and get under control

I've deepthroated before, it just takes me a minute to get used to a cock in my throat

Once I feel like I'm steady, I start to bob up and down his shaft, taking him all the way in again and again

His dick is so thick, stretching my mouth wide but he really does feel so good in my throat

"Baby, fuck. You're mouth", he pants, "So good. Fuck"

I smirk because yeah, I'm good at blow jobs

And I already like sucking his dick way too much

Bobbing up and down, I bottom him out each time, tears in my eyes, spit everywhere, the taste of his leaking cum taking over

Swallowing on his entire shaft has him yelling out in pleasure and I continue to do it when I have him all in my throat again and again

His cock throbs hard in my mouth and I think he's gonna cum

"Baby please", he begs, pulling me off his dick suddenly

Why?

Did I do something wrong?

Was it not good?

Why did he stop?

His fingers brush against my cheek, my gaze meeting his

"I...I think I need to be in your pussy. Can I?", he asks quietly

He what?

"Please?", he repeats and it hits me that he wants to have sex

With me

Oh my god, yes

"You can baby", I answer, nodding

He pulls me into his lap and I go willingly, straddling him

"Can you ride me?", he asks, his brown eyes gazing pleadingly at me, "Like you rode Yeosang and Wooyoung?"

I stare at him in shock

How the fuck does he know I slept with them?

I didn't tell anyone

It was once each

And it just happened

Yeosang happened during a practice break and Wooyoung happened when I was waiting for San to get back from the gym

It was nothing, just some fun

"They told me Jo", he says, softly, "They...they told me all about it. What you did with them. I...I want you to be like that with me. Want me like you wanted them"

I do want him like that

He's the only one I ever wanted

My whole life, it's only been him

"Can you?"

I nod, "Yeah Sannie"

I kiss him with him eagerly kissing me back as I gently push him back down on the carpet, going with him

Breaking the kiss, I run my fingers from his chest down to his abs, feeling his skin tremble and move under my touch

I like that a lot

Moving in his lap, I watch him watch me move his big dick under me, his breathing getting harder

Sitting down on him, I slide his head inside me, my pussy immediately clenching around him

"Fff .. fuck", he murmurs

Leaning back on his legs, I sink down on more of him, his cock so thick, stretching me wide open

Fuck me, he's massive

I wiggle my hips as I slide him in inch by inch, the feel of his cock gliding inside so fucking pleasurable

"Sannie, oh fuck baby", I moan, drenching his cock with every slip down

"Yes naekkeo yes. Feels so good, fuck", he murmurs, his eyes on my pussy taking his dick, "Pretty pussy opening for me. Fuck so good"

"How much more?", I moan

It feels like he's all the way in my stomach but if there's more, I can take all of him

I want to take all of him

"A little more baby", he pants

I nod, moving his hands to my hips

"Help me Sannie"

He nods, pushing me down his length, going in so much deeper

"All of you baby", I whimper, "Want all of you"

"Yeah naekkeo", he murmurs, stopping his movements, "There baby. All of me"

I clench down around him involuntarily, feeling him inside me, feeling him fill me to the brim

Feels so satisfying

"Fuck, you're pussy looks so good on my cock", he praises as I move my hips, rocking on him, his fat head rubbing my spot, "Fuck, wanted this pussy for a long time"

Wait what?

I look down at him in surprise but he's looking at my pussy around him

"Wanted to see how those pretty lips looked around my cock. Beautiful baby"

I raise my eyebrow in shock

He thought about us before?

He wanted me like this before?

When?

How?

"Fuck Jo, you look so pretty on my dick", he murmurs, his hands slowly sliding up my body, "So perfect, like you belong here, on top of me"

My head is spinning, dumbfounded at what he's saying

And wondering if he even realizes what he's saying

Or if it's just in the moment

"Ride me naekkeo"

"Yeah Sannie", I answer, pushing everything he said away

I can't obsess about it now

I'm finally with him and I'm going to make the most of it

Leaning on his stomach, I start moving, small bounces first to get used to him

"Oh fuck", he moans, "Fuck, so good"

He's right, it is so good

"You can cream my cock for me?", he asks as I slide slowly up and down his cock, "Please? Cream my cock baby, I know you can do it"

"Mmm", I moan, his cock hitting all the right places, head against my spot, feeling so fucking good

Best cock I've been on

"I know you can naekkeo. I heard Yeosang and Wooyoung talk about your pussy. How good you creamed them. You can do that for me?"

"Yes", I moan, moving faster on him

Every bounce I move further up his dick, bottoming him out until I slip all the way up to his head

"Down baby, please", he groans as my cunt squeezes his head

Dropping down, I take him all in one shot, his head slamming into my spot, stars blasting in my vision as bliss hits me hard

Oh my fucking god

"There we go", he murmurs, "So pretty"

I keep sliding up and down his length, my legs burning but fuck if I'm gonna stop

"Good girl. So much cream, your pussy is pouring it out. So pretty all over me"

"Uh-huh", I murmur, riding him harder

"The guys said it took you awhile for you to cream them like this. They had to work for it", he says, his eyes solely on my pussy swallowing his cock, "You're already creaming my cock so much baby. Do you like my cock better than theirs?"

"Yes", I pant

His cock is so big I can feel every inch drag out of me, then every inch spreading me open again, his head hitting my spot each time, sending shivers of pleasure through every cell of my body

His cock is better, hands down

"Does my cock feel better?", he asks, his hips lifting slowly as I come down, shoving himself in deeper than before

I can't, it's fucking amazing

I nod, taking his perfect cock inside me over and over, my mind starting to turn off

All I can feel is San

His dick inside me, his hands gripping my hips so hard, his sweaty but soft skin under my hands

He's taking over me and I'm letting him

"Don't you wish you creamed and rode my dick first?"

"Yes! Yes baby!", I shout, so fucking close, my entire body shaking

A few more bounces is all it takes, my body exploding in ecstasy as an all consuming orgasm wracks my body

"San!", I scream, "San! San!"

My brain shuts off, intense pleasure flowing everywhere and I know I'm squirting all over him

"Fuck, yes! Yes baby! Fuck don't stop", he cries, "Please naekkeo. It feels so fucking good, don't stop"

I can't even if I wanted to

Which I don't

The pleasure leaves my body slowly, shivers running through me as I come back to my senses

When I do, San is smiling so widely at me and I feel my face heat up

"That was so hot baby", he says, gleefully

I lower my gaze to his body, finding him completely drenched

His lap, his stomach, even some of his chest is soaking wet with squirt

"Sss....sorry you're all wet"

He raises his eyebrow as he sits up

"What? Don't be sorry baby. I loved it"

"You did?"

He nods, "Yeah. It was so hot. And you....you looked so beautiful coming on me. It's something I wanted to see for a long time"

Before I can even say anything, he pulls me to him, his lips against mine

I kiss him back immediately, his arms wrapping around me as mine move around his neck

He moves so he's sitting against my bed, his hands running up and down my back, his fingers heating every nerve inside my body

My hips move on their own, grinding and rocking on his hard cock still buried inside me

"Mmm naekkeo. Keep going baby", he murmurs, moving his kisses to my neck, "Love my cock this much huh?"

"Yes", I admit, trembling from his head rubbing my spot over and over

"Should of been on my dick first. Bad girl"

"Yeah", I agree

I should of

His hand touches my chin, making me look at him

"I forgive you for letting other cocks in here before me", he says, smirking, "But from now on this creamy pussy is mine"

My eyes widen at his words, wondering what they could possibly mean

Is he...saying he wants to keep sleeping with me?

"This pussy takes my cock only. Creams my cock only. Squirts on my cock only. Cums around my cock and no one else's. Understand?"

"Yes", I nod, shocked he's saying this and even more dumbfounded that he sounds like he means it

His hand moves down between us, his thumb pressing onto my clit and rubbing softly

Pleasure blasts in my brain and body, my hips automatically grinding faster on him

"My mouth is the only one who can eat your pussy. Suck on your clit. Swallow your cum. Drink your squirt"

I can't answer, the intense look on his face as he says these words adding to everything I'm feeling

"My fingers are the only ones allowed in your pussy. The only ones who can play with your little throbbing clit"

I nod, moaning softly

"If anyone asks, you tell them this is San's pussy. Understand?"

"Yes", I cry, my legs shaking hard around him, "Your pussy"

"Who's?"

"Yours!"

"What's my name?"

"San!", I cry, my orgasm washing over me, clenching repeatedly around his rock hard cock, bliss taking over, "San! San's pussy. Only San's"

"Good girl", he grunts, his fingers rubbing me through my orgasm

When it's over, I slump against him, his chuckle washing over me

"Aww naekkeo. I'm not done with you yet baby"

Holding me to him, he stands up, laying me on my bed

He moves on top of me, my legs wrapping around him on their own

His cock slides back inside, the pleasure making me arch off the bed, moaning until he bottoms out

My pussy takes him easily, gripping him hard, keeping him inside, pulsing around him

"Fuck", he murmurs, pleasure all over his face, "My perfect baby"

His arms slips around my waist, holding me against him as he starts moving

"I'm yours naekkeo", he tells me, "I promise my cock is only for your cunt. Fucks only your cunt. Cums inside your pussy only"

"Yeah baby", I nod, wanting that more than anything

Wanting him to just be mine

He keeps a slow steady pace, spreading me open so pleasurably on his cock, driving himself deep inside, his pelvis rubbing against my clit

His lips press kisses all over my skin, his free hand softly groping my boobs, playing with my nipples, sending even more ecstasy into my body

"Please baby, can your mouth be just for my cock too? Can you only suck my cock from now on, swallow my cum from now on?", he asks

"Yes Sannie. Yes", I promise him, keeping one hand on his back, the other on his side, feeling his muscles move as he fucks me

God, that's so fucking erotic and I love it

"And you're pretty hands are for my cock too? Only to be wrapped around me?", he pleads, "Only touch me?"

"Yes Sannie, only you"

He groans into my neck, thrusting just a touch faster

My hips have a mind of their own, moving with him, meeting his thrusts, making the bliss even more intense

"Can...can your lips only kiss me? Please naekkeo, I want your kisses to be only for me. Please?"

"Is...is that what you want?", I ask through the pleasure, wondering if he realizes what he's saying

"Yes. Fuck yes"

"Then yes Sannie. My kisses are only for you"

He lifts his head from my neck, looking down at me with an expression I can't place, "Are you mine? My girl? My Jo? My naekkeo? My girlfriend? Only mine?"

Is he...asking me to be his?

Like romantically?

Is he being serious?

"Yes", I answer

Of course it's yes

It wouldn't never be anything but yes

And even if it's just an in the moment thing, it's always yes

"Are you my one and only Sannie?", I ask nervously, hoping this is real, "My boyfriend. My baby? You're the idol who can have anyone you want"

He shakes his head, "You're the only one I want Jo. The only one for me. You"

His hand moves to my face, fingers softly stroking my cheek

"I love you", he says, gazing in my eyes

His words slam into my head, shock taking over

"Fuck Jo, I love you so much", he confessed, "I've been waiting for you for so long naekkeo"

Oh my god

He loves me

Happiness pounds into my body and I can't help the smile that bursts on my face

"I love you Sannie", I tell him, "I love you more than anything. You're mine"

He smiles as he nods, his adorable dimples on display, "I am. I am baby. All yours"

I pull him to me, our lips crashing against each other's in a passionate wild kiss

We cling onto each other, kissing desperately as we resume moving together, bliss roaring back in my body

"I love you", I tell him between kisses, moving my hips to meet him, taking his cock deep inside, feeling the pleasure of his head against my spot

"I love you", he murmurs, "I love you"

He moves faster, plunging inside, my pussy clenching him, soaking him, feeling him throb hard

"San", I moan, right there

He slams into my pussy hard, both of us screaming each other's names against our lips as we both cum

Stars blast in my eyes, my body wracked in ecstasy against his

His hands grip me tightly, holding me to him as his warm cum shoots inside my pussy

My cunt latches onto him, milking him for all of his cum

I want it all, the feeling of him filling me so fucking satisfying

"Yes Sannie", I cry, "All your cum baby. Give me all of it"

It takes awhile but when the pleasure finally tapers off, we're both breathing hard, melting against each other

"Mine", he whispers, "My naekkeo"

"Yours Sannie", I agree, "Always yours"

His eyes meet mine and I hold back a gasp at the love I see in them

He really does love me

It wasn't an in the moment thing

He really feels this way

His hand moves in my hair, running through the strands, his eyes on mine, a soft smile on his face

"I love you"

"I love you San"

He pulls me to him, kissing me softly

When the kiss ends, he smiles, "Can we cuddle? Nap maybe?"

That sounds absolutely perfect

"Yeah baby. Always"

Laying down in his arms, we settle in together, holding each other tightly

His fingers play in my hair while I softly rub mine up and down his side

His kisses the top of my hair, making me smile

As we snuggle together, I can't help but think that I'm so glad I never did my laundry

[mochamvgz]

home dates💽hyung line

; hyung line x reader

; genre: headcanon, plain silly fluff, can be read as idol or non idol au

; warnings: none really, unless you count mexican food, legos and hoon having second lead syndrome as warnings 乁⁠[⁠ ⁠◕⁠ ⁠ᴥ⁠ ⁠◕⁠ ⁠]⁠ㄏ

; 0.85k words

; perm taglist: @inkelea @bunreis

heeseung || decorating your appartment

you and heeseung had just moved into your new appartment and you wanted to decorate it yourself instead of hiring someone. heeseung was totally on board with the idea and you guys started browsing for home decor on amazon and looking for inspo on pinterest. you also took a trip to your local craft store for paint and other supplies.

when you had all the stuff, heeseung played some music on his phone and you guys got started! you had never imagined having a date of this kind but you weren't complaining!

first thing you did was change into some old clothes and start painting the walls. it got pretty messy, especially after that mini paint fight you had. some of the rogue paint ended up of the wall where the paint was still drying but you didn't mind, it was a nice touch.

next up on your agenda was setting up furniture and placing the decor items like picture frames, a clock, lamps, etc.

you observed the finished result and were left in awe. you swear you've never had more fun.

jay || cooking

c'mon you can't tell me you weren't expecting that from enhypen's personal chef.

the plan was to make enchiladas since you mentioned how you were craving mexican food that morning (he isn't gonna tell you that tho ofc).

you guys had gone grocery shopping for the ingredients beforehand. you weren't the most experienced cook, more into baking, but you had jay by your side so there was nothing to worry about. you were more than glad to play sous chef.

he had assigned you the task of preparing the stuffing, giving some basic instructions he headed over to the stove to prepare the sauce.

ding! that meant the enchiladas were ready! putting on some mitts, jay took your dinner out if the oven and the smell almost had you drooling. when it was time to eat, however, your impatient ass dug in too quickly and burned your tongue. jay immediately got up to get you a glass of water but you knew he was gonna laugh at you for it later.

the enchiladas tasted heavenly after they had cooled down enough to eat.

jake || lego building

"darling i don't think that piece is supposed to go there" you looked back and forth between the manual in your hands and the unfinished model on the floor.

you had ordered a new lego set for jake for your 6 month anniversary. his eyes had lit up instantly, letting out a gasp with his mouth wide open making the ':0' face which quickly gave way to the puppy smile you adored, as you looked at him affectionately.

"do you like it?" "ARE YOU KIDDING??? I LOVE IT!! AND I LOVE YOU EVEN MORE!!! i've had my eye on this particular set for a while now!" your own smile widening at this reaction "i'm glad".

"let's do build it together!" "r-right now?" "why not?" you were caught slightly off-guard by his eagerness but went along with it regardless, finding him too adorable to resist.

and that was how you had ended up here. you weren't objecting tho. "are you sure?" you detached the piece and repositioned it at a different angle like how you had seen it in the manual, and gestured towards it after you were done to answer his question, "oh".

you stood up, dusting your hands as you surveyed the finished result, jake mirroring your actions. "i think we did a pretty good job" turning to look at him expectantly. "we did more than a good job sweetie". with that he picked up the model and placed it beside your tv and you knew it was staying there for a while, not that you mind of course.

sunghoon || movie marathon/tv shows

your favourite thing to do after a long day was curl up and binge netflix. after meeting sunghoon however, the activity was no longer something you did alone. being in his comforting embrace while watching some random kdrama or movie was the coziest and nothing short of therapeutic.

"what're we watching next?" you flipped through the various shows, you and sunghoon were clad in your comfiest pair of pjs with your blanket such that it covered both of you perfectly, you head nestled on his warm chest "i saw a clip from that one on youtube yesterday!" "okay! let's watch it!" you pressed play.

one thing you found out about sunghoon from these dates was that he had MAJOR second lead syndrome. you would often bicker over which male lead was better or in the rare case that you agreed over it, the two of you were just yelling at the screen.

"NONONONO!!!! GET AWAY FROM HIM! JUNGWOO IS SO MUCH BETTER!!!" "YES!! KISS KISS KISS KISS"

remarks like these were always flying about.

turning into an ugly sobbing mess while watching 20th century and twenty five-twenty one, laughing at shin hari's antics till your stomachs ached while re-watching business proposal for the millionth time, whatever it be, you could always rely on these evenings to take away the stress of even the worst day at work.

; a/n: hello there! hope you enjoyed the hc!💌 i'm still overwhelmed by the insane amount of love my previous hc received 😭 i literally can't thank y'all enough!! even tho ik I can definitely do better so here's me having another go! lmk if you would like a maknae line ver!

© mochamvgz on tumblr | all rights reserved | do not plagiarise, repost or translate

[junnieverse]

9:37 am ➳ S. HANBIN

➙ synopsis: mornings with your boyfriend

Hanbin

pairings: sung hanbin x gn!reader

genre: teeth rotting fluff

word count: 0.7k

warnings: not proofread so there might be typos. prepare to melt because this was too cute.

a/n: hello my angels! here's a little something new for you guys to read, my writing is a little rusty since it's been awhile but it feels great to get back at it after so long. I didn't know whether to make this a headcannon or timestamp and in the end it was the latter. :)

You're soon woken up feeling the light from the morning sun peeping through the window introducing yet another sunny summer day and you couldn't help to think what better way to spend it than with with your boyfriend Hanbin.

You both had been working tirelessly the entire week and the night before you dedicated the evening to binge watching your favourite shows and movies while snuggled up to each other.

Twisting yourself to turn to the other side of the bed which your boyfriend usually occupies, you're met with an empty bedside with nothing but his pillow and scrunched up sheets.

Looking around the room in confusion, you're left worried not knowing where Hanbin could be considering as far as you were concerned, he wouldn't be working today and even if he was going to go somewhere without saying anything, he would've left you a message or stuck a note on the pillow before leaving.

You're soon pulled out of your thoughts as a pan hitting against another pot is heard and Hanbin's cooking playlist is playing.

Quickly putting on a hoodie, you make your way to the kitchen as the relaxing music fills your ears and the light scent of coffee and bacon hits your nose.

Standing by the door, you can't help but admire Hanbin's figure as his back faces you, too focused on cooking to have noticed your arrival and it's moments like this where you thank the universe for such a perfect boyfriend.

Making your way up to him, you gently wrap your arms around his waist, feeling him slightly jump in suprise but he soon lets out his cute laugh enjoying your affection as you engulf him in a back hug.

"Well good morning to you my love," he says glancing behind at you as he continues to cook with you holding onto him.

"Good morning," you mumble tiredly as you shut your eyes enjoying just staying close to your boyfriend.

"Breakfast is almost ready so you can go take a seat by the island and your boyfriend will be serving you soon," he soon responds adding the pancakes to the plate.

You then let go of his figure but just as you do, Hanbin turns around to face you engulfing you in another tight hug before he places a soft kiss to your forehead.

"You look pretty," he compliments showing his whisker smile.

Looking at him, you immediately break eye contact feeling shy at his sudden compliment.

No matter how long you've been dating Hanbin, he always found a way to bring back the butterflies in your stomach and make you blush and smile like a madman.

Taking a seat by the island bar stool, you continue to silently admire your boyfriend who was making breakfast.

Before you knew it, he was in front of you with a cup of coffee that not only smelt like heaven but you knew it tasted just as amazing.

His mom owning a cafe and him having worked part time there as a barista and earning his license to be one meant Hanbin knew alot about how to make a good beverage and he knew exactly how to make you a good drink with a cutely designed heart in the foam.

Placing the food down on the counter, Hanbin quickly grabs the necessary utensils making sure to cut a peace of the pancake he made, dipping it in some syrup and brings it to your mouth.

At this gesture you lean in closer to try the food as it melts on your palette leaving you feeling a sense of peace.

"This is amazing," you say and Hanbin can't help but smile as you compliment his food and he feels proud for being able to satisfy your taste buds.

Taking a seat beside you, Hanbin begins to eat his own food as he tells you about his members crazy antics from the day before when he found Gyuvin and Yujin in a box.

Knowing the two boys, you knew it was better not to ask about that madness.

At some point everything else he said became a blur as you simply took the time to admire how the sun coming through the kitchen window was hitting his skin making him glow especially more and his laughter was music to your ears.

Everything about this moment was perfect, nothing felt more special than being able to spend a relaxing morning with breakfast being served to you and the great company of your boyfriend Hanbin.

Those were your favourite mornings.

[anangelcried111]

MY HUGE SUCCESS STORY

I literally can't believe this y'all, I'm shaking and I'm crying right now. There are tears on my phone as i write this.

I successfully manifested my school cancelling and my not going 😭😭😭😭

This is the hugest manifestation I have ever made. All the odds were against me and I was in shock and disbelief myself. No one was willing to let me stay home but my school cancelled because of weather conditions.

CONTEXT:

for a little context I've been manifesting not going to school since Wednesday and I was literally having a huge panic attack cause no one told me I'm going to school until the very last minute ( I just moved to another town so I'm gonna transfer to a different school). I freaked out and didn't know what to do. I was so anxious I almost burst into tears because the circumstances around me made me think (at the time) that my manifestation wouldn't work out.

I was literally so hopeless and broken, my mind was literally racing and I didn't know what to do. I binged countless blogs on tumblr about loa but I still felt empty. But as my last hope I went on YouTube to listen to a Neville Goddard lecture to calm me down and I stumbled upon this video about a manifestation method Neville created : ( heres the link)

And I put it into practice mind you, I was so anxious that I doubted myself so damn much but I still tried the method AND IT ACTUALLY WORKED.

https://youtu.be/JsgLXzYsbCk

You guys have no idea how important this is to me. This is something I never thought I would be able to do. I always knew what loa was and who Neville Goddard was but I dont think I ever practiced what he teached and the fact that my wish came true is still extremely surreal to me, i feel like I'm gonna choke on my tears right now and I'm not making anything up, as someone who had intrusive thoughts before saying success stories are lying, I swear on my mom this is completely true.

I never thought I would make it but I did.

As someone who probably like you, was always on tumblr reading countless success stories and reading through millions of posts and doubting them and filling my brain with too much information, the one thing I can tell you if you used to be like me, PUT LOA INTO PRACTICE. ACTUALLY USE IT AND DO WHAT NEVILLE SAYS. IF I CAN DOUBT MYSELF, HAVE PANIC ATTACKS AND 𝗦𝗧𝗜𝗟𝗟 GET EXACTLY WHAT I WANT YOU CAN TOO.

Seriously if this post isn't enough to prove you that loa actually works and to actually start manifesting, I dont know what will.

[gettingjiggly]

Doctor's Orders Pt 1

I had been seeing Dr. Sisemor for most of my adult life, in fact she has known me since I was in high school when I first started putting on weight. It's been years since then and I am still toying around with weight gain. Feeding and stuffing myself until I feel like I'm going to tear at the seams, even a few little stretch marks here and there. But I have also tried to keep it within reason. That all changed over the course of a few weeks.

You see, I had recently sprained my ankle in a soccer game when I stepped on the ball and my chubby little butt flew into the air and bounced down, everyone laughing. At first the embarrassment hurt a little, but later I found myself kinda turned on that everyone laughed at me. Anyways, I had to go to the clinic and get it checked out. Dr. Pheobe Sisemor looked as attractive as ever. She always knew how to keep it professional but still make your imagination go wild. And I never could figure out if she ever wore a bra. She had to be pushing 40 years old now but looked at least 10 years younger than that.

"Well, I haven't seen you in awhile." She smiled very friendly almost like she had been expecting me. "Let's take a look at that ankle. But first things first." She pointed me toward the scale and I stepped on, making a sudden loud 'Ka-Chunk' noise. "Looks like someone has been building some muscle mass," she continued smiling and sliding the large weights over, "and maybe more than that." She always liked teasing me whenever I put on a few extra pounds. "165. Let's get a few measurements, so we can get an accurate bmi reading." She pulled out a soft silky tailor's measuring tool and said, "Alright then, off with the shirt. Can't get a good measurement with that on!"

The feeling of the cool silky measuring tape going over the curves of my body tickled but felt so good. I couldn't help but think she was doing it on purpose. "Looks like you're getting a bit chubby. I thought last time you were here we agreed you would try to get in shape again?" We had agreed on that. And I had binged eaten my way two sizes larger since then. Somehow I felt like she knew that and could see right through my excuses.

"You know," she said as she locked the examination room door making sure we were completely alone. "If I had known you wanted to be fat, I wouldn't have wasted all this time giving you advice on how to lose weight." I could feel my face starting to blush. "If I had known you wanted to be a fat pig, then I would have given you these instead." She opened her purse and pulled out a bottle like prescription medicine but there was no label on it. "I don't want to ruin the surprise for you but trust me, if you enjoy putting pounds on, you'll love these."

I examined the bottle, 14 pills. "One a day, see me in two weeks. Oh and stay off that leg for awhile, the ankle needs time to heal." I limped out of the room and just as I walked out the door she gave me one last little pinch on my side as I walked by. It gave me goosebumps, and I turned to see her shoot me a fast wink right before leaving to the next patient.

I went home, took one of the pills and drank a glass of water. The medicine made the water taste really good. That was kind of a cool side effect I thought. I drank another glass, mmmm, and another glass. Finally I decided to pour myself a glass of milk and chugged it down. It was unlike anything I had ever tasted, but I was feeling very tired and decided to lay down for a nap.

I slept for 7 hours, and woke up at nearly midnight! I felt tired still and groggy but my first thought was, "oh no I slept through dinner. I better eat something before I fall back asleep." I opened the fridge and started tasting everything. It didn't matter what I took a bite of, it was so good! I headed back to bed after what felt like only a short while but as I flopped on the bed I saw the clock on the nightstand said 2am. "I must be really tired." I thought to myself, "I can't even keep track of time and my whole body feels lethargic."

I woke up a little after 11am the next day, still tired and very hungry. I walked to the bathroom and stepped on the scale, still rubbing the sleep from my eyes. "196.2." Huh? No way. I stepped off and stepped on again. "196.8." I looked up in the mirror and my face was huge, my arms and hands, the definition was gone and it was all covered in soft smooth squishy fat. What has she done to me? I called Dr. Sisemor's office and stood staring at myself in the mirror while I waited for her to pick up the phone.

"What are these things?" I blurted out as soon as I heard her voice. "Mmmhmm," she laughed "You like that don't you?"

I mean I didn't, not like it. But still what the hell.

"I tried to keep you in shape, but you couldn't help yourself. You're just a fat pig aren't you? You've always wanted to be a fat pig, so I just gave you something to help you along."

I don't know why but the words coming from her mouth were shocking and yet oh so arousing at the same time. I couldn't do anything I just stood there and listening to what she would say next.

"You need to finish up that bottle, like a good pig. 13 days left. Then and only then will I give you something to reverse the effect. I took the liberty of sending over a feeding nurse to help you so you won't have to get out of bed. Just keep those pills nearby and get plenty of rest."

After she hung up the phone I realized my ankle was extremely painful under the weight I had gained from last night. I laid down on the bed and fell asleep, not waking until I heard the doorbell.

I tried to jump up out of bed but I just sat halfway up and fell back against my pillow again. What the hell? I tried again, and fail. So I scooched to the edge of the bed, and painfully limped to the door, greeting a nice young nurse by the name of Celeste. She helped me get back to my bed and said, "Don't worry I'm on doctor's orders to bring you anything you want!"

[lianahayze]

Shadow and the Midnight Misery: Chapter 14

Masterlist

Nothing to say; let's get to it!

Chapter 14. Then... nothing

With it being common for celebrities to seek treatment, there is little surprise at seeing the twenty-two-year-old rockstar turn herself in. Her father, lead singer of the 90s alt-band The Nixers, did his own stint in rehab for a slew of drugs, including heroin. It is unknown why she checked herself in, but according to its website, the Garver Institute “specializes in alcohol and drug addictions.” At the time of publication, Shadow Greere has declined to comment.

Bottle pressed to my lips, I chug. The more I drink, the more I can forget. And boy am I trying to forget.

The article came out yesterday, and I can’t even begin to guess how many times I've already read it. It starts out great. There is a piece about the new studio, a section about how I want the band to go our own way. But then Garver was brought up and it got real bad real fast.

The pictures are slightly grainy and had clearly been taken at a distance. However, they're not grainy enough for me to even pretend that that it’s not me. Everything in the pictures give it away: my hair, the clothes I'm wearing, a general scowl. All of it is one hundred percent me, and anyone is going to be able to tell.

The guys have seen it. I’m certain they have. They've called me a couple of times, but I haven't picked up. I'd rather wallow in self-pity. Dean’s not big on social media, so he probably hasn’t seen it yet. Always a day or two beyond, I have some time before he finds it. Either way, I'm fucked.

I did not want this to get out. I'd been hoping I could just sweep it under the rug and be done with it. Continuing to meet with Dr. Norris is fine, but having all of my dirty laundry aired out for anyone to see? No, it's an absolute nightmare.

I should have said something to Larissa. I could have made up any bullshit excuse. Hell, I could have said I was visiting or even fucking volunteering and that last paragraph would sound completely different. But, instead, I'd freaked out. I’d done this to myself.

I stop drinking for a moment. I haven't binged like this in a while and my body knows it. There's going to be hell to pay in a few hours, but, right now, I don’t care. Right now, I desperate to forget.

I switch to another bottle. It's new and takes me several seconds to open. I sway before I finally break the seal. The bottle firmly attached to my mouth, I walk out of the kitchen and into the living room.

Though I don't plan on staying in here, I turn on the TV. I need noise. The silence in the house is killing me. I turn up the volume before tossing the remote onto the couch. I walk out into the hallway.

Ugh, has there ever been a time when I haven't fucked something up? Maybe that's why the guys wanted me to put away: not because I'm a danger, but because I'm such a massive fuck up. I get it now.

I go upstairs. Not bothering to turn the lights on, I crawl into bed. I almost drop the bottle in my hand but catch it at the last moment. I continue drinking from it, chugging so quickly that it makes my brain hurt.

Everyone is going to be talking shit about me. Even more than they already do. I can't face the internet right now, but part of me is curious. I need to know what they're saying, and I need to know what I'm up against. I'm not the first celebrity whose mental health issues have been exposed, but it still hurts. I’ve been reduced to a headline and a cheap article?

My phone dings but I don't bother checking it. I want to smoke a joint. I want to smoke and drink and pass out. I don't know where my purse is, though, and that's where all my weed is. Is probably in the room somewhere, but I don't care enough to try to find it. Instead, I just keep drinking.

My phone goes off again. I follow the light from the screen, reaching across the bed to grab it. I squint as I look down.

Oh, I have missed calls. And a lot of texts. It's a good thing I have all my notifications turned off for social media because that would probably be blowing up my phone now too.

I look at the text notifications but don't actually open the messages. Most of them are from the guys, but, as I expected, there's nothing from Dean. Good. I should reach out to him and just tell him myself, but I don't think I'm going to. After all, I already had my chance to tell him; instead, I’d spent the entire time complaining about the band.

I check the calls. Most of them are from Wyatt. He's called me five times in total, the last one coming just a few minutes ago when I'd been downstairs deciding which liquor to get into. Maybe they’ve decided that he's the one who’s going to fire me.

I go through my texts from him. There are a lot of them with just one or two words, but it's the last one that really catches me off-guard.

About 5 mins away. At your house soon.

I stare at it. Not trusting my eyes, I read over it again, but still don’t think it’s right. There’s no way he’s trying to come see me right now.

Putting the bottle on the floor, I text him back:

Not here.

I stare down at the screen. A second later he says,

Yeah u are. Pulling up your street

I frown. Seriously, can't this wait until tomorrow?

Knowing that my front door's locked, I decide to get comfortable. He won't be able to talk to me if he can't get in, and there's no way I'm answering the door.

My phone goes off again. I groan and read.

He's here. Great. Just great.

When I don't respond, he sends,

Open the front door.

I huff. I don't want to talk to him; is that really so hard to understand?

Busy.

No you're not. Open the door.

Not interested.

Shadow, don't make me call the cops. I NEED to see that you're okay.

I bolt up. If he calls the cops, I’ll be back at Garver in a heartbeat, only this time it probably won’t be so easy to get out. "Fuck’s sake," I mutter, "fine." Standing up, I drop my phone on the pillow, pick the bottle back up, and slowly head downstairs.

Wyatt's finger is firmly on the doorbell when I answer. He looks down at me, surprised. I move out of the way, letting him in.

He shuts the door behind himself. "You're drinking right now?" he asks, louder than he needs to be. "Shadow, what the hell are you doing?"

"Feeling sorry for myself." I smile up at him. Feeling light on my feet, I lean against the wall. "Throwing myself a party. Whatever you want to call it, but you weren't invited."

"So, you know about the article then?"

"Hmm."

"I can't believe they printed that without telling you." When I tell him that I knew, he gasps. "You just let them?"

"No. But I didn't tell them no."

He stares at me. I can tell that he knows he in over his head and doesn't know what to do. Pissed off, angry Shadow he can deal with; pitiful pathetic Shadow he cannot.

I take another drink.

"Can you... Can you not do that right now?" He yanks the bottle from my hand. Some of the vodka spills onto the floor, causing me to say,

"Hey! Stop making a mess!"

He walks into the kitchen. I follow behind but it takes a while because my legs feel like jelly. When I finally do get to him, he's opening up all the cabinets, saying, "Where's all your booze?" I giggle. "Fuck, Shadow, I'm serious. Now is not the time to go on a bender."

"Oops." Seeing him freak out makes me laugh. It's actually very funny. Him and the other guys have been trying to control my narrative for so long and he's panicking now that he can't. It's the ultimate karma.

He walks over to me. I'm swaying as I look up at him, and he puts his hands on my arms. As he steadies me, I realize I don’t want to be standing up; laying down would be so much better.

"How much did you drink?" he says. It's a good question, but I don't answer. He gives me a slight shake. "Shadow. How much?"

He's acting like he's never seen me drunk before, but nothing could be further from the truth. How many late nights did we have after concerts, passing around bottle after bottle? I have a pretty good tolerance, but he could drink me under the table. Maybe I'm not the one who should have gone to Garver.

"You're not supposed to drink when you're depressed."

Depressed? Who said anything about being depressed? I am finnnnnne.

"Have you still been drinking and doing drugs this entire time?"

Holding back a laugh, I say, "My body, my choice."

"This is not a joke! You're going to hurt yourself!"

"My doctor thinks I'm not a danger, and we can trust my doctor. Right? After all, everyone wanted me to go see one. Remember?"

Leading me over to the table, he sighs. He tried to get me to sit in one of the chairs, but I instead choose the floor. "We wanted you to see a doctor because we were worried about you. Your cocaine habit has gone through the roof." Then, almost so quietly that I can't hear, he adds, "Apparently we should have been more worried about your drinking."

Having been kneeling in front of me, he stands back up. Continuing to go through my cabinets, he says, "We already spoke with the label. As soon as we saw it, we got on the phone with them. We wanted you to join the conversation, but you never answered your phone." He looks over his shoulder at me. "Now I can see why."

He's judging me and I can't decide whether to let it go or complain about it. Stomach pressed against the tile, I spread out on the floor like a starfish. It gets uncomfortable really quick, though, and I flip to my back. The sudden motion makes the contents of my stomach slosh around.

"I don't know what to do with you." I look over at him. "We want you to get better. When we rescheduled that interview, we thought..." I see him shake his head. "I know it's important for you--We know talking about the band is important to you." He pauses. "Even if the spread was entirely about you."

"So, you're not mad about the studio?"

He shakes his head, and I'm surprised. This is the most honest conversation we've had in a while without yelling. I should say something but can’t come up with anything.

"We just want to know what was wrong with your dad's studio, but other than that it's fine."

"Too many bad memories. Can't go there anymore."

"Because we told you that you needed help?"

"And cornered me with a doctor." I turn onto my other cheek so that I'm facing away from him. "It wasn't fair."

I hear him sigh, but he doesn't say anything. I hear the heels of his boots walking across the tile, coming towards me. A few seconds later, arms crossed, he stands over me. I don't move but look up at him out of the corner of my eye.

"Look," he says, "you can be pissed about it. I get that you're pissed about it. But we tried to bring it up before and you just weren't listening."

I frown. "No, you never brought it up."

"Yes. We did. Several times. You might have just been high, and we couldn’t tell. But we did bring it up."

He walks away, leaving on my own. I wonder if what he's said is true. Had they actually mentioned it before? If they had, why don't I remember it? And if he was right and I had been high, what does that say about me?

It means I have a problem.

Standing up, I go over to the counter. Wyatt's placed the bottle of vodka that I'd had earlier by the sink. I look around but don't see him. I'm not sure where he's gone, but, not wanting to wait for him to return, I pick up the bottle, bring it to my lips, and drink. I'm so engrossed in getting as much alcohol in my system as possible that I don't hear him return until,

"Shadow!" He yanks the bottle away. Before I can stop him, he tips it upside down and the vodka pours down the sink.

"Hey!" I start to reach for it, but he holds me back.

"Do not try my patience right now."

He's being obnoxious; why won’t he let me have a little fun?

"Why are you even here?" I ask him. "I didn't ask you to come." Plus, I'd been doing fine on my own. I'd been enjoying sitting in the dark; it made my head hurt less.

"I'm here to take care of you, apparently, because you weren't answering your phone."

"I don't need a babysitter."

"I beg to differ. When did you eat last?"

I frown. "Why, do I look fat, or something?"

"You've never looked fat a day in your life." He sounds annoyed as he speaks. "But you need to eat." I tell him I'm not hungry. "I don't care," he replies. "You need food in your system."

"Usually, I just do cocaine when I'm hungry." He looks at me like I'm crazy. "What? I don't have to stop what I'm doing to eat, and it keeps me in shape." He gives me a look over. "Duh."

"Shadow, when people talk about ‘getting in shape,’ that’s not code for developing a drug habit."

He goes to open the fridge, but he won't have much to work with. I haven't gone grocery shopping in a while, so everything that's in there is probably at least a few weeks old.

"Wow, slim pickin’s around here, huh?" He closes the fridge. Pulling out his phone, he says, "What do you want to eat? I'm going to have Ethan stop."

"Stop where?"

"Stop at the store or get takeout. He's on his way over here. So is Dave."

My heart stops. They're coming over here, too? Right now? I shake my head in disbelief. "Tell them not to come."

"They're already on their way."

I continue to shake my head. "No! I do not need a fucking intervention in my own home!" I'm panicking, ready to kick or punch him.

He puts his hands up, saying, "Shadow, we're not trying to intervene on anything. We're just checking on you."

But I don't believe it.

Abruptly turning away from him, I storm out of the kitchen. Well, I storm out the best I can. My legs are wobbly and my head is spinning and my breathing is shallow, but I storm off. Wyatt calls for me, but I ignore him. Maybe if I barricade myself in my room before the other two get here, they'll eventually just give up and leave. Can't have an intervention if they can't see me.

I stumble into my room. I press my body against the door for a moment, blinking slowly. Why is the room spinning? Doing my best to disregard the movements, I lock the door and go straight over to my bed.

I fall onto it face first. It’s pretty comfortable, so I don't move. It's only when I realize that I'm having trouble breathing that I shift onto my side.

My stomach doesn't feel so great. When I rub my hands over my middle, it only makes it worse. I close my eyes and groan. I curl up and lay like that for who knows how long. It's probably just a couple of seconds, but it's enough for me almost to fall asleep.

The only reason I don't is because of a loud thump at the door.

"Shadow! Unlock the door!"

I cover my ears. Why is he shouting? Doesn't he know it's making me feel even worse?

Wyatt keeps pounding on the door. "I seriously just came over here to check on you! The other guys just want to check on you too. We're not kicking you out of the band or whatever other conspiracy theory you have in your head."

If I do have any conspiracy theories, it's because they put them there.

"Seriously. You don't need to be alone right now."

He's wrong. Being alone is exactly what I need.

I continue to try my best to ignore him. He makes it hard, though, and I eventually grab onto a pillow, pressing it over my head. It makes my skull hurt, but I'd rather feel that than listen to Wyatt.

Eventually, though, the pounding stops. I pull down the pillow and look cautiously over at the door. I sit up; there's complete silence. Being as quiet as I can, I get out of bed and tiptoe over to the door. I lean forward and listen, but still, I hear nothing.

Maybe he's just pretending he's not there anymore to trick me into opening the door. "Wyatt?" I say. He doesn't answer. Slowly, I unlock the door, crack it open just an inch, and look outside.

He's not there. Opening the door all the way, I step out into the hallway. Wyatt is nowhere to be found. Confused, I lean against the wall. Where did he go? Did he just give up? It that's the case, the least he could have done is said goodbye.

"Wyatt?"

He doesn't respond. When I toddle down the hall, I suddenly realize why.

Standing at the top of the stairs, I hear the front door opening, Wyatt standing in front of it. In walk Ethan and Dave.

I start to make my way down the stairs.

"Get out of my house!" I yell, causing them to look up. They’re alarmed, but I don't care. "I'll call the police!"

Dave, smug as ever, doesn't buy it. "You're going to call the police on the people who came to check on you?"

"Not now Dave," says Wyatt.

"Fuck off!" I yell at them. "I didn't ask you to come here; I don't want you here. Leave. Me. Alone!"

"You don't mean that, Shadow."

I turn to Ethan. I'm still on the stairs, gripping the banister, so I have to look down at him. He looks tired, more tired than I feel. "Ethan, if you had any common sense, you'd ditch these two. All they're going to do is complain and gang up on you and ruin your whole entire life."

Dave starts to say something, but Wyatt stops him.

"No, go head. What did you want to tell me?"

"He doesn't want to tell you anything," says Wyatt. "We just came to see how you were after the article."

"I feel like shit. I think it's obvious." I start to walk towards them. I'm about halfway down the stairs now, and, looking at all of them in turn, I say, "I need a drink."

None of them seem amused. They move to block the way. I get down to the bottom step and try to push passed them but they're stronger and I fail.

"Move," I say. When they don't, I repeat myself, this time with more force. "Move!"

Ethan asks me how much I've had to drink but I ignore him. They're not my parents; I don't have to answer to them.

Wyatt attempts to reach for me, but I push his hands away. I almost lose my footing, but Dave catches me. I yank myself out of his grasp.

"Shadow," says Wyatt, "you need to calm down. Let's find a place to relax. You're going to drink water and I'm going to order you food."

I don't like his plan--and not just because he's talking to me like I'm a child.

I shake my head. "No."

I start back up the stairs, but he reaches for me. This time his grasp is strong, and I can feel a bruise forming on my wrist. I try to wriggle away but can't. Either he's been working out or I'm way more inebriated than I thought.

It doesn't stop me from continuing to pull away. I tell him to let me go, but he doesn't. I try to push him away, but he doesn't budge. All the while, he's asking me to stop moving but all I want to do is run away. It gets so bad, that, as I'm yelling and pulling, my foot slips, I lose my footing, and go flying.

Only this time, no one catches me.

I crash against the stairs, first my arms, then my shoulder. I cry out in pain, looking up at the guys. They look horrified, but I can't keep my focus on them for too long. Soon, everything goes blurry and my vision cuts in and out.

Then... nothing.

-

This is probably one of my favorite chapters I've written for this story so far. Thanks for reading.

-L.H.

[certifiedcoffeeaddict]

Don't worry, there were no spoilers that I hadn't already predicted myself

It only took me until episode 5 (when HC actually properly showed up for the first time. He appeared in episode one but it was just the bridal scene so there wasn't much to go on given we couldn't see his face)

As soon as I reached the 'what does he look like?' 'what would be ideal?' Scene, I started to suspect it was a romance and double checked the series' genres with the friend.

I finished season 1 yesterday. The funniest thing about the lack of subtlety is that HC thought he was more subtle that he was

He straight up asked how XL could figure it out because he was so good at hiding it

My instant reaction to this was to shout 'YOU WERE NOT!'

Also his flirting in the special episode puts his flirting in episode 5 to shame.

Can't wait for season 2 (which was apparently announced recently)

I would read the manhua (and do intend to) however bilibili's manhua app has cool downs between chapters and I can't afford to buy chapters so season 2 will probably be out before I catch up with season 1's ending in the manhua (which I think is chapter 50ish

that's def good! also asking about the genre. smart (!!!). we are worlds apart

i honestly forgot that happened omfg hua cheng you were NOT subtle. if you'd put a neon sign like "ghost king here ->" on your head it would've been no less obvious

s2 was announced?? i didn't know! that's great, i was even thinking of rewatching s1 recently bc i miss those fools in love. even more excited to see more of the story in animated form!

same same, i also have the cooldown periods but i almost appreciate them because knowing myself i'd otherwise binge-read the whole thing and fail to properly enjoy it. at least with having the manhua, you'll stay in the loop/interested until s2 :)

[the-solar-panel]

@traincarsandstars asked: "Can't sleep." This was the only explanation Stelle gave before dragging in her mint green bean bag into the archives and shoving it into the right corner near the door. Stelle then pulled in her lilac sleeping bag in she had gotten during her last trip to Herta's. Once everything was inside, Stelle curled up on the bean bag with her sleeping bag like a disgruntled cat. "I'll clear out soon, I just need to sleep for a bit." Stelle was having nightmares again, this time about Cocolia. The icy madness, the blood - it was almost to much to bare. Usually when this happened she would stay up reading, or binge watch something on her her laptop. But since Dan Heng and her confessed their feelings... She figured, why not nap in the archives? It's warm, it's safe, and Dan Heng is there. Besides, she'll only be a sleep for a few hours; just enough to function. ((to dan heng))

Dan Heng is familiar with this sort of routine. He's done it himself many times over the years. He watches as Stelle sets herself up in the corner on the opposite end of the archives, the book in his hands promptly forgotten and closed so he can put it aside.

He doesn't say anything as he gets up from his own 'bed', wanders over to the bean bag, and climbs in behind Stelle so he can settle down. Both arms slip around the middle of her waist, while his long tail manifests itself purely to curl around her topmost leg.

"Stay as long as you like," he murmurs, his voice quiet against her ear after he rests his head directly behind her own.

[chronicrealnesscushings]

Symptom Log Day 1

It's a warm spring day here in the Great Lakes region. 73 degrees when I woke up. I got about 5 hours of sleep but I feel better than I usually do. Not even as tired as I usually feel. Today is a good day. I'm not in a flare up, my body seems to be calming down, and I'm not binge eating. Mentally, I feel a bit weird. I wonder if I have pseudo cushings. Ever since I found an answer to how I feel, I haven't had a flare up. But my mind likes to gaslight itself a bit. Most of my symptoms align with episodic or cyclical Cushing's. It could be a different reason. I tend to feel better when I get out into the sun, which we've had more of lately. My endocrinologist has ordered pretty much all the test. 24 pee test, dex test, and another round of cortisol swabs. I love how when I finally get the testing I need to get answers, things calm down. Funny how that works. Almost like it knows that I'm on to it. My therapist told me not to personify it, but for me, Cushing's is like a little goblin that sneaks up and puts a bag over your head. You feel around, blind, trying to get the damn bag off and when you finally figure it out, and get it off your head, the little damn goblin is nowhere to be seen.

I've been trying to find more information on cyclical and pseudo, but everything is in academic language and my brain isn't really good at paying attention to that. I mean, I love reading, but it's hard to keep going when the text is so dry. It's also bit a hard to remember all the of definitions for each different thing. I used to be awesome at stuff like that, but then again, my brain is like half functioning nowadays.

I'm starting to get a bit agitated, so maybe my cool period is starting to come to an end. This time, it's welcome. I need the test results to get any treatment.

At my last doctors appointment, I hit the dreaded number I was trying to avoid. 225. I can't say my eatings been all that great, but 15 lbs since last month? Insane. When I look in the mirror, I don't recognize myself. I am huge. My arms and tummy especially. I don't feel right in this body. Growing up, I was always bigger. Taller than the boys, thicker than girls. I grew a chest way before any of my friends. But I lost the weight eventually. I had been riding 145 for almost 5-6 years. I was healthy. I was in shape. I was doing well at my job. I had a career. Now I just sit at home watching Scooby doo and feeling like this. No career. No friends. No health,

I have a wonderful fiancé. I have two beautiful dogs. Our nephew is coming to stay the summer with us and I'm excited to have him. But I am tired and depressed and I don't want to go outside in a pair of shorts. My thighs are like tree trunks. I am all for body acceptance... except when it comes to mine. It's not even just about the size. It's about not being able to walk up steps or hike like I used to. Kayaking, rock climbing, river rafting... I am a liability. That hurts me more than anything.

[hiccstridshipper19]

Oh wow what an answer! I love that you put all this time and thought into it. I'm really glad this gave you the opportunity to write and process your thoughts on something so emotional, so absolutely do NOT apologize for taking all the space you need.

Similarly, I also binged the whole season in one day (actually half of season 1 and then season 2, I tried to not binge but it's just not my style) and finished at almost 2 am. I was so in shock I did not sleep.

I see a lot of people defending Aziraphale saying he doesn't deserve hate, but I actually have not seen anyone directing hate at him. Honestly, it never once occurred to me that any of this isn't how it should be. I felt that it was tragically beautiful, hitting the most rightfully painful spot of how angst comes. I'm not sure if this makes sense, maybe I'm just too much of an angst enjoyer 😅 When the ending was approaching and things started going south, I knew there isn't enough time left in the episode for a reconciliation scene (unless we have another episode or something, which there isn't). And even though my head was screaming "NOOOONONONOOONOO", somewhere in the back of my mind I was also like, "yeah, it just HAS to be this way. Of course it does."

Anyway, I also took to the internet immediately after and got scrolling, reading every meta post I can find. It took me a bit of time to settle back down from my state of internally-shrieking-24/7, and I'm only just starting to feel my brain return. I agree with a lot of the posts I'm reading explaining the whole situation. Honestly, these people put it into words better than I ever could. They reminded me of all the little bits and moments where I picked up something not quite smooth in Aziraphale and Crowley's dynamic, but didn't have the time to give it space while binge watching (I really should give not-binging a try shouldn't I? It all went by so fast that I didn't get to savor the experience of each episode and its own sort of Feel. Having seen the finale, I will never be able to take my mind off of it again whenever thinking about the other parts, whereas if I'd given myself time to breathe between each episode, I could've had more chances to enjoy the happy stuff before the finale inevitably puts a whole twist on it all).

It was very easy for me to understand why Aziraphale would choose heaven, since he's always been, at least verbally, fiercely on that side, which he believes to be fundamentally good. He seems to have never stopped denying being away from the side of heaven/goodness. I've seen several posts going in-depth about the different philosophies Crowley and Aziraphale have regarding the system and what their solution to all this should be, and you did a wonderful job as well sorting out how the two perceives each other and their relationship. These are all really good points and very well put discussions. For me myself, I can very much relate to Aziraphale here, the struggle of still choosing to align with something despite clearly knowing it isn't all good, simply because there are some parts that are still believed to be salvageable, and that others are just not seeing those bits. Yes there are flaws and there are toxic people around, but steer clear of those people and we'll be fine! So it makes total sense to me that of course Aziraphale would take up the offering to fix things, since "I must do good and be righteous" is at his core, and what he believes to be also at the core of heaven's operations.

Now I am a bit hung up on the part where Aziraphale originally was not going to accept the proposition unless he can be with Crowley, but Crowley isn't going, and Aziraphale went ahead with it anyway. Yeah I'm not really seeing that. Perhaps it's just a heat-of-the-moment kind of thing because he was so upset, and he almost, ALMOST, stayed.

So that's where I'm at for now, 48 hours into recovery. I can't say I'm normal yet, and I don't know how long, if ever, when I will be again. I'm just gonna have to live with it until it becomes the new normal. I'm not usually the type to write meta-analyses, so I'm not sure if any of this is actually good input. Yours or anyone's further discussion is always welcomed! Would love to message about this as well. I do hope we can all tough through this and live to see season 3, whenever that is. I think I'm at an okay place with all the logic behind the storyline, it's just all So. Damn. Emotional, and that's the main part I'm grappling with.

And yeah, Neil really got the jump on us calling it "quiet, gentle, and romantic". 🖕(affectionate)

Hiya! I've been following your blog for a while and can't help but notice that we share at least two fandoms. As a fellow suffering soul at the mercy of GO's season 2 finale, how are you doing?

First of all, know this ask made me smile and thank you so much for asking that. It's not every day in fandom life that we get a finale as heartbreaking and devastating as that and I love the people who have asked me how I'm doing about it. I love that this is a fandom where we're all supporting each other through all the heavy emotions.

I'm... I'm okay. Mostly. Probably. I think?

If you don't mind, I'm just genuinely gonna tell you how I feel about it. (Edit from the future, this got long, I'm so sorry lol) I went into this season expecting quiet, gentle, and romantic, and therefore, on that first watch-through, I was looking for quiet, gentle, and romantic. I didn't know what the season was going to be about other than that. I thought I was looking for the ways in which Crowley and Aziraphale were growing closer, and they did! But in that, I didn't know I was also supposed to be looking at the ways that they weren't communicating. I didn't know I was supposed to be looking at all the ways they clearly haven't healed from their traumas.

And so, when we got to that scene in the end, I was incredibly confused by Aziraphale. Crowley has always been my favorite character in this story, I relate to him most and I feel I always understand him. So I pretty quickly got his side of things. But Aziraphale... it just felt out of nowhere (and a little bit, it was. The Metatron really did just kinda show up and offer Az all of that) and it felt like I'd been betrayed a bit.

I thought Aziraphale had learned better about all of this at the end of season 1. That Crowley doesn't need to be an angel, he doesn't need to change. That Heaven is just as bad as Hell. That Heaven isn't exactly a system one person can just... fix. And for the first 5 episodes of this new season, I didn't recognize him struggling with any of this in the present day. He was happy and in love and he was okay with moving on.

And I was so confused why he was considering this, especially after seeing Crowley's reaction. And then after the kiss, Aziraphale still didn't really want to go to Heaven, he was gonna turn back. And he didn't because the Metatron rushed him. He went too fast. And I was so pained by it. Michael Sheen just ripped me apart with how he portrayed all the emotions Aziraphale was feeling. The microexpressions moved so fast it felt like I couldn't hold on to any one emotion any better than he could.

And so my heart was broken for Crowley, and I was confused and betrayed by Aziraphale. But I binged the entire season in one night, it was early morning when I finished it. I was tired, and I watched the season not actually knowing what I should have been looking for. And so I knew that it wasn't that Aziraphale was suddenly a bad character or something. I'm quite shocked by the people hating on Aziraphale's character. My first thought after I finished the season was literally, "I missed something. It's not Aziraphale's fault that I don't understand where that came from. I'm gonna have to rewatch this entire season when I'm more rested and watch it much slower. I'm gonna have to read all the meta written by people who still love and understand Aziraphale after this."

And that's what I did. I haven't rewatched the season yet, but I have been reading a lot of meta about Aziraphale's character written by people who genuinely seem to understand him. It highlighted a lot of things I'd missed the first time. The parallel between Lindsay and Nina and Heaven and Aziraphale. The fear that Aziraphale has been living in ever since Job, where he thinks he's crossed the line and deserves to fall. How his greatest temptation, in the eyes of Heaven, wasn't the food or giving away his sword, or lying. It was his relationship with Crowley.

I didn't realize how the purpose of the creation of the universe scene was that Aziraphale saw how happy Crowley was. And that he's willing to risk everything, his freedom and his beautiful life in the bookshop so that Crowley can be happy like that again. Because Aziraphale spent 6,000 years watching Crowley reject his own kind nature, his own impulse to do good, for the fear of Hell's punishment. It's not exactly that Aziraphale wants to change Crowley. It's that if Crowley was an angel, he could go back to freely being nice, and doing good. They could be together because there wouldn't be the threat of the Other Side coming for them and ripping them apart.

Aziraphale doesn't want to change Crowley. He loves Crowley. But he is still scared of what Heaven thinks of it. Heaven still thinks that angels and demons can't be together because they're on opposite sides. And the powers greater than them who believe this will always try to rip them apart.

He just wants a better world for Crowley. He wants Crowley happy and safe. Is this the way to do it, no. I think Crowley is right that Aziraphale can't change Heaven. I think Crowley is probably scared out of his mind right now that Aziraphale is going back into the lion's den. Because Crowley watched for 6,000 years as Aziraphale was manipulated by Heaven, he saw how scared his angel was. And now he's going back under some misguided understanding that it'll be different this time.

I think that's what Crowley was thinking about in the car in the end credits. I think it was part "I can't believe he chose Heaven over me, because he wants to fix Heaven FOR me, the idiot." and part "He's gonna be manipulated again. And when he realizes it, he's gonna be so scared."

All Crowley wants in this world is for Aziraphale to be okay. Wants him to be free and safe. Free to eat whatever he wants without guilt. Free to do good because he wants to, not because he's had his orders. Free to dance with a demon. Free to be an us. Because he watched Aziraphle be scared of these things for millennia. He watched his angel think he deserved to be a demon for it. And he doesn't. And now Aziraphale's gone back to a place where there is no food, he won't have the opportunity to do clever good deeds in human's lives (he'll be running heaven), and Crowley simply can't follow him back there.

But then, I also believe the metas that have noticed that both plans are unsustainable. Aziraphale won't be able to change the system. And Crowley couldn't keep them running forever. They'll have to find the secret third option to be free to be together safely for eternity, and that's what season 3 is gonna be about.

So, to circle back to your question, I'm not okay lol. But I will be. I believe that this is one of the best stories ever told, and the more I understand Aziraphale and Crowley's characters, the more the ending makes sense, and the more intrigued I am about what else I might have missed that I'll need to rewatch to figure out. The kiss still breaks my heart, but I wouldn't change a thing about it because it makes sense and it played out perfectly for their situations and who they are. It's beautiful in a heartbreaking way.

And I do have a sense of peace about all of it. Even when I had just finished the episode, I knew it was all going to be okay because that divorce was literally about how much they love each other. Crowley loves Aziraphale unconditionally. Neither of them have much experience with that. So Aziraphale struggles to accept it, and he's scared to show it back because what if it costs them everything. But Crowley doesn't struggle like that. He's been left behind on earth, for now. But I have no doubt that as soon as his angel needs him, he'll be there.

Aziraphale will probably say he's sorry. And Crowley's just gonna give him a hug, tell him he loves him, that he's not gonna say I forgive you because neither of them need forgiveness. Not anymore.

It actually feels really good having written all this out like this, I've not talked about good omens much, even though I've been reblogging a lot. I'd love to talk to you more about all of it, if you want. And of course, I want to ask you how are YOU doing? What are your thoughts on all of this? How are you holding up? My ask box and my messages are always open!

[jayeeintheclouds-inactive]

hi omg i just binged your child kazuha x child reader and my heart is so warm 😭 could i possibly request for you to write ab the wedding and how it goes 😭💞 tysm and no pressure if you don’t wanna write it :D

(view full masterlist here)

HI FIRST REQUEST <3

anyway you have such a big brain bestie 🙆‍♀️ i wasn't sure if you wanted a child wedding (as in they pretend to get married) or an actual wedding after they grow up so i did both

Notes: YOU AND KAZUHA GET MARRIED (thrice) UGH CONGRATS, fem! reader, child! reader x child! kazuha, fluff, timeskip, adult reader x adult kazuha, reader is still very sassy 😦, tw cursing

Summary: Kazuha keeps his promise.

a/n: i think i made it a little too long but 🤠 whatever more fluff

a/n 2: THIS IS SO SELF INDULGENT HELP

a/n 3: unedited because it's long and i'm going to burst into tears from simping

The first time you and Kazuha get married, the both of you are barely eight years old, with little to no idea of marriage.

It was merely meant to be pretend, playful, with no deep meanings or intentions. Yet to Kazuha, it felt like all he ever wanted.

He's taking this too seriously, you scoff to yourself as Yoimiya giggles and tries to comb your hair, despite your hand constantly swatting hers away.

"He's joking," You try to convince her, only to receive more giggles, "He's not being serious. Stop playing along, Miya-chan."

You finally realise he's serious when Yoimiya pushes you down the leaf-filled, makeshift aisle, only to see Kazuha dressed in his favourite yukata standing at the other end.

He's smiling, stupidly too. You don't know why he's smiling, and you don't know why you are smiling too. The both of you eventually break down into giggles, forgetting how you were so opposed to this pretend marriage in the first place.

Yoimiya excitedly takes her place beside the both of you. She clears her throat, and pretends to read off from a storybook. "Hello, uh, fellow soft toys! Today, we will be watching Kazuha-kun and Y/N-chan get married! Yay!!"

"Just like I promised," Kazuha grins, and you almost punch him. You don't because you don't want to ruin the yukata Yoimiya put on you. Also because it would not be normal for the bride to punch the groom on the wedding day.

"So uh," Yoimiya scratches her head, seemingly pondering on something before deciding the toss the book away, "Whatever. Just say your vows and kiss!"

"What the hell," You mutter under your breath.

Kazuha ignores you, but takes your hands in his and squeezes them, bringing a blush to your face. "Y/N-chan, you are the love of my life, and I will love you forever and ever. I will never stop reading my haikus to you and I will always stay by your side."

You blush furiously, and click your tongue. Who allowed this kid to be this smooth for an eight year old?

Unlike Kazuha, you fumble over your words. "I, uh, I agree to marry you, Kazu-kun, and I uh, will also love you forever. I think."

"You stole my lines," Kazuha teases you. You kick his foot.

Yoimiya jumps up and down. "Anyway! You may now kiss the bride."

"What about the rings?" Tomo pipes up from his audience seat.

"Oh my god the rings, the rings, THE RINGS!" Yoimiya screams and jumps around again, and you and Kazuha sweatdrop as you watch her run around your "wedding venue" trying to find makeshift rings.

Yoimiya ends up making two rings out of long leaves.

You look at the leaf ring Kazuha put on you not too long ago, and you think it's not actually half bad. Huh. Who thought firegirl was this skilled at crafts?

"Is it time to kiss the bride now?" Kazuha asks cheekily, and you snap your head up. You are extremely appalled at his cheeky audacity, and the fact that Yoimiya is enthusiastically nodding her head and granting Kazuha permission.

Kazuha smiles, and you can't breathe. His smile is beautiful, so so beautiful, and you would've stared at his pretty lips more, if they weren't already in contact with your pink cheeks.

-

The second time you and Kazuha get married, it is impromptu and the both of you are alone.

Kazuha twirls you around in his arms, and grabs your hands again with a soft smile on his lips. It has been quite a while since the two of you have been alone together, and Kazuha had suggested spending this precious alone time by dancing with you barefoot on a grassy field under the moonlight, all isolated and alone where no one would disturb the both of you.

There was just something about the feeling of excitement, pure adrenaline rushing through the both of your veins knowing that you could potentially get caught or have someone witness the private, intimate moment between the two of you, yet it was that feeling that kept you and Kazuha's friendship-relationship alive.

Speaking of your relationship with Kazuha, who really were you to him? Were you still his best friend, his childhood crush, or just someone he probably lost feelings for? Was he still being your friend out of pity? Did he just feel too guilty about leaving you?

"You're overthinking again," Kazuha whispers, and pulls you close to his chest. "I know you are."

You look away. Your eyebrows are furrowed, and anyone would've mistaken it for annoyance, but not Kazuha, because he knows you too well.

Kazuha sighs, and gives you a small smile that almost looks sad. He deftly intertwines your fingers, which makes you look at him. His gaze towards you is so sincere, and you feel your heart race; as if it didn't already before.

"Were you worried about what you meant to me?" Kazuha says, his voice getting low and sending shivers down your spine, "Don't be. I promised to marry you in the past, and I don't intend on breaking that promise any time soon, or ever."

"Smooth fucker," You curse with hot cheeks. Kazuha only chuckles, and kisses your forehead.

When he pulls away, his right hand lets go of your hand to cup your cheek. He's smiling, and you resist the urge to smile with him.

You do so eventually.

Kazuha lets out a soft laugh, and you curse the gods for making him so angelic. "Will you, L/N Y/N, take me as your lawfully wedded husband?"

You snort, and he twirls you around again. You play along anyway. "The hell is this impromptu marriage vow? I do. Will you, Kaedehara Kazuha, take me as your amazing, beautiful, narcissistic wife?"

The both of you are only teenagers when you say this, and yet it feels like a real wedding. "I do," Kazuha replies without hesitation.

He leans in, painstakingly slow if I may add, as if building suspense. Your eyes close, waiting for his lips to meet yours. With how long he takes to initiate the kiss, you almost think he's trolling you.

"I'm starting to think you're pranking me," You grumble, eyes still closed, and you hear him snicker.

A second later, his lips are on yours. He stole your first kiss, and you were completely okay with that.

-

The third time you and Kazuha get married, it is the actual, official day of your marriage.

It is the day the both of you have looked forward to, even more so since Kazuha got down on one knee and slipped a ring 100 times better than that leaf ring years ago onto your finger.

Kazuha was a man who had a good command of language. Some called him poetic; others called him a hopeless romantic who always had a way with words. He always prided in the fact that in no matter what situation he faced, he could always find the right words to get the exact reaction he wanted.

Yet, why was it that when he saw you walking down the aisle in your traditional kimono, he couldn't form a single sentence to describe your beauty?

You would've laughed at the sight of seeing Kazuha wordless and dumbfounded (in a good way) for once, had it not been your wedding day.

"You look beautiful," Is all Kazuha can say to you when you stand next to him, but from his misty eyes and his expression, you know he's more than sincere when he says so.

You choke, and fail to stop your tears from flowing out. "I know."

Yoimiya is the wedding officiant, hired by Kazuha just for reminiscing. For once, you have never seen Yoimiya look so calm, peaceful, much less emotional ever.

The blonde girl stuggles to hold back tears of joy as she reads out the actual, not-at-all-joking opening ceremony script. "Dear friends and family of the b-bride and groom, we are gathered here today to witness and celebrate the marriage of L/N Y/N and Kaedehara Kazuha."

When it is time to say your vows, Kazuha forgets all his nervousness, and surprisingly belts out the vow he practiced countless times yesterday.

"Y/N," He begins tearfully, "I kept my promise."

You don't need to hear the rest of his speech to burst into tears.

[moririki]

⤷ AN EIGHT-LEGGED PROBLEM

OIKAWA TOORU & SAKUSA KIYOOMI & HAIBA LEV & MIYA ATSUMU X READER -> 1.8K
you save your boyfriend from a massive problem which is currently in the corner of your bathroom )

REQUEST -> n/a
CONTAINS -> spiders, bugs, you picking up said creepy crawlies, hq boys being no! help! at! all! (but that's ok bc we love them for it), fanon-ish sakusa cos i haven't read the manga and he had like 5 seconds of screen time so i'm just going off of what i've read + seen, clear favouritism despite the fact that i know basically nothing about sakusa, manga timeskip spoilers in sakusa's
MORI'S THOUGHTS -> haven't seen one where the reader is the one in the relationship who takes care of bugs so since i'm a #girlboss who throws spiders out of my room whenever i see them without breaking a sweat i'm writing that into a fun lil thing with the haikyuu boys that i strongly believe are scared of bugs. also besides the point but look at the pretty colour palette that their banners make fjfjfjdj will go back to writing the requests after this! inspiration just struck

❍ OIKAWA TOORU

-> omg this fucking guy

-> don't let his pride fool you this man HATES bugs with a burning passion

-> he'll never admit it though

-> between you and the aoba johsai team he would never hear the end of how the great king oikawa would cower at the sight of a moth doing laps around a lightbulb

-> so when you pretended not to hear the shriek that left your boyfriend when he saw something flying around the bathroom light and he declined your offer to get rid of the moth for him, this left oikawa in a pretty difficult situation

-> it was just him alone in the bathroom, trying to brush his teeth while eyeing the bug warily

-> you came in a few minutes later, getting ready to go to bed as well

-> "you know, babe, that moth's been there for quite a while," you teased him

-> oikawa hummed in response, his eyes never leaving it as it continued its circumnavigation of the light fixture

-> "oh, you know. who am i to kick someone out of their home? i'm no monster"

-> you almost snorted at how poor of an excuse that was, but ruffled your boyfriend's hair anyway

-> "i'll take care of it, ru, you just finish getting ready"

-> "but y/n-chan, that moth has feelings! don't be mean to it!"

-> you gave tooru a very blank stare at that

-> "so do you want me to leave you alone with your new friend?"

-> "......no"

-> "that's what i thought"

-> you went up to the moth, managing to trap it in your hands before releasing it from a window

-> oikawa shuddered as you came back to the sink, giving your hands a quick rinse before resuming with brushing your teeth like nothing had happened

-> "you're so brave, my love"

-> "anything for you, babe"

❍ SAKUSA KIYOOMI

-> bless this poor boy

-> so it's no secret that sakusa isn't the fondest of germs

-> and that extends to bugs and spiders too

-> besides a normal amount of disgust that he held for them, the thought of where the insects had been or placed one of their many feet on never failed to make his skin crawl

-> that's where you, his wonderful significant other, comes in

-> as much as he loves you, he just can't understand how you always stared at bugs with wonder in your eyes

-> you'd even pick them up, cooing at the way they crawled up your arm while sakusa just stared at you in disbelief with a can of bug spray in hand

-> tonight was one of those swelteringly hot summer nights

-> you know, the ones where the air seems to be still no matter how many windows you open and every insect in a mile radius is actively trying to enter your home

-> you were spending the night at your boyfriend's apartment, ready to have a relaxing night in with him since your schedules had finally synced up and allowed you both to enjoy a day off at the same time

-> it took months of trust before sakusa finally admitted to you how much he enjoyed doing skincare

-> so whenever you two spent the night together, you decided to start the evening with some face masks and idle binging of a tv show

-> against his half-hearted protests, you had insisted that sakusa wore a headband while this happened (one that had a very cute duck face printed on it)

-> just to keep the curls out of his face, of course

-> whenever he caught you sneaking a candid of him with facemask and duck headband on, he just shot you a halfhearted glare and threatened you to never send that to atsumu or the rest of the msby team

-> (you set it as your home screen instead)

-> anyways, i digress

-> so tonight you decided to cool down from the heat with a few facemasks and cuddling in your boyfriend's heavily air conditioned living room

-> but he kept all his skincare stuff in the bathroom, so you went to go get them as he set up a show to watch along with some snacks

-> you flicked on the light, going to his cabinet when something in the corner of the room caught your eye

-> there was a fairly large spider, desperately trying to crawl up the smooth tile wall

-> you decided to take pity on it and release it

-> but when you had it cupped safely in your hands, you decided to terrorise your poor boyfriend just a little

-> "hey, omi, look what i found!"

-> your boyfriend perked up at your signature nickname for him, though his eyes narrowed as he saw your clasped hands held in front of you

-> "no"

-> "but baby, you haven't even seen-"

-> "no"

-> you giggled at how defensive he had become

-> "come on, don't you want to name it? it's very cute"

-> "i want you to throw it out, y/n"

-> "alright, alright"

-> you took the spider to a window, releasing it back outside before heading back to the bathroom and grabbing a few masks for real this time

-> sakusa gave you the cold shoulder as you sat down next to him, humming as you gave him a face mask and putting it on without a word

-> "aww, baby, i'm sorry"

-> "..."

-> "i'll give you a head massage if you stop ignoring me?"

-> sakusa turned to you, his eyes narrowed in thought as he stared you down

-> the act soon broke, though, and he smiled against the sheet mask that was on his face

-> "it better be a good one," he huffed as he tugged the duck headband off, already sighing at the sensation of your fingers against his scalp

-> "omi, come on, what do you take me for?"

❍ HAIBA LEV

-> ngl lev gives off equal amounts of being terrified of like the tiniest spider or just finding bugs insanely cool vibes

-> it's funnier to imagine this 6-foot-something guy scramble away from a fucking crane fly in terror though so this is how it's going to play out

-> when you invited your giant of a boyfriend to your flat, you didn't anticipate just how small he made everything appear

-> he even towered in your doorway, having to stoop to step through into your hall

-> "woahh, i love your place!"

-> it was his first time staying over for the night, and lev was making sure to drink in every aspect of your interior design

-> you found it sweet of him, and watched as he stared in wide-eyed wonder at the little trinkets you had collected over the years to make your small apartment seem more like a home

-> you didn't expect him to scream at the top of his lungs and practically run back to you, though

-> you jumped at the sound, watching as he scrambled away from your lamp and pointed back at it with a shaking finger

-> you squinted at it, making out the very menacing form of a crane fly as it bumped into the lampshade and continued on its path

-> "lev, you big baby," you giggled, heading to the kitchen to grab a glass and trap it

-> "y/n, don't leave me alone with it!" he yelped, and you rolled your eyes at his antics

-> you came back, smoothly capturing the insect and throwing it out of a nearby window

-> lev was sat on your couch the whole time, hands covering his eyes as he curled in a ball

-> "is it gone?" he asked, and you you giggled at how childlike he was acting at the moment

-> "it's all good, baby" you smoothed his hair and lev gratefully leaned into your touch, a sigh of relief leaving him

-> "thank you, y/n"

-> "i'll get rid of all the bugs in the world for you, lev"

❍ MIYA ATSUMU

-> gives off the vibes that he used to eat bugs as a child i'm sorry but

-> have mercy on his soul lmao

-> so twins are supposed to be identical right?

-> anyone who spends more than a few minutes around the miya twins know that that's a complete fucking lie

-> and you've had the misfortune of being friends with them for a very long time

-> like your mums were friends and you were all born around the same time

-> you've been pulled into their shit before you could walk or talk

-> so you're well aware of just how different these mfs are

-> even though they were both absolute bastards, osamu always had a slightly more mellowed out approach which would always end up with atsumu getting the blame for what they got up to

-> especially as a child, osamu loved to terrorise his twin with the unwilling help of you

-> one of the ways was through osamu exploiting one of his twins' fears

-> that being bugs and spiders

-> he always cackled at the sight of atsumu screaming and trying to run away from him due to the spider he was holding

-> as they both grew up, this became less of a frequent thing for osamu to do

-> you also somehow started dating atsumu, but nobody could exactly pinpoint a moment that signified a beginning to your relationship

-> but since you're dating the world's biggest manchild in disguise, and osamu gets annoyed with atsumu quite easily, you would have to swoop in to rescue him from time to time

-> recently the twins had been getting a little snappy with each other, and it had yet to sort itself out

-> from what you had heard your boyfriend was in the wrong this time, but you still listened to him whine and rant about it

-> you were going to the inarizaki school gym to say hi to your boyfriend and best friend before practice started, only to see absolute chaos unfolding

-> with kita yet to arrive, the twins were effectively unleashed and that much was clear with the way atsumu was practically screaming his head off as he ran around the gym

-> your eyes took in the rest of the players- aran had his head in his hands, suna was snickering with his phone out to record the newest miya twin fight, and osamu's deranged laugh could be heard above everything else as he chased his brother, hand held out in front of him

-> only one thing was capable of making atsumu scream like that, so you already knew what was happening

-> atsumu quickly spotted you hovering in the doorway, and made a beeline to where you were

-> his eyes were panicked, and you were quick to wrap him in a hug as you shot osamu a nasty glare over his shoulder

-> literally this lmfao

-> "that's enough, 'samu"

-> your best friend paused, before a smile spread across his face as he dangled the centipede in front of him

-> "you know it was rubber, right?"

-> you felt your boyfriend tense in your arms and you bit your lip to stifle a small giggle

-> but at least they would be back to normal by the end of today

back to the menu - ,, 🕷 ·˚ ༘ ꒱

[lokis-army-77]

If You Please

Chapter Sixteen

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 4790

This is technically a reader insert but without the (y/n) and all that. She also has no name mentioned so feel free to imagine as you please.

Follow the reader through the events of the Captain America movies and experience her love for Bucky Barnes.

Warnings: Alcohol, abuse, angst I think.

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We had been living in Romania for two months since that first night, and it wasn't easy, especially for Bucky. The nightmares still plagued him and in the hopes of warding them off, he would stay up days on end, only to crash out in the quiet dark hours of the night. I would always wake up when he started to thrash about and shout, always ready to comfort him. I wish I could say they are getting better but that would be a lie.

I had finally gotten the mattress cleaned a few weeks into our stay and tried to get Bucky's to sleep on it, instead of the hard floor, but he refused, only giving a curt response saying that he brought it for me. If I fell asleep anywhere other than on that mattress, I would wake up on it later on.

Bucky wouldn’t stay away for as long now, only choosing to leave the apartment when we needed food or other necessities. I saw this as him building trust with me, which I was glad to have. He even started to ask me questions, writing everything I would tell him down into the small notebook I gave him a few weeks back. I knew writing things helped when Steve and I came out of the ice so I thought that it may help him to uncover some of his memories. From the questions he would ask me and the short stories he would sporadically recall, I knew something had to be working.

Today had been like any other day, we both went out to gather some things that we might need and then quickly made our way back to the apartment. I was lounging out on the raggedy loveseat we had brought back about three weeks ago, reading a book when my attention was pulled away from it by the sound of my name.

“Uh-huh?” I confirmed while flipping the page.

“Can you come here for a second?”

And that's when it clicked, Bucky said my name. “Wait a second, you just said my name,” I observed astonished, slamming the book closed and looking at him.

“I know, I need you to come here” he replied back, turning his body in the dining chair to look at me in annoyance.

“No, hang on. You’ve been calling me ‘hey’ for the past two months.” The only time he called me by my name was when he was deep in a nightmare, he never consciously said it.

“I-” he stopped to think. “I think I just remembered it, it just came out.”

“That's great, Buck. It’ll take a little time but I know soon you’ll be remembering things that I can't even recall.” He gave a faint smile at that. “Now what is it that you needed?”

“Uh.. never mind, I think I’ll ask you about it later.” He said, withdrawing back into his shell somewhat.

“Are you sure?” I asked. He didn’t answer, just turned back to scribble in his notebook. I gave him a soft look before opening my book back up and continued to read.

Later on that same week I was humming a song while cooking some eggs and bacon on the stove. Bucky was still somewhat peacefully asleep on his floor pallet. Carefully I grabbed the bright green spatula on my right and scooped up the crispy bacon from the pan to place it on two plates. After dumping most of the grease out I turned the heat to low and cracked a few eggs into the pan, scrambling them as soon as they started to turn white. Thankfully they didn’t take that long and I was able to scoop them up and plate them in just over a minute. I wiped my hands off on the small towel on the counter. Picking up both plates and their silverware, I quietly made my way to where Bucky was sleeping and knelt down. I sat the plate in my left hand on the floor beside his head and he slowly opened his eyes. Groaning, he lifted the heels of his palms to rub the sleep from them.

“Good morning Buck, I made your favorite.” I waited for him to sit up before handing him the plate in my right hand.

“What was that song you were humming earlier? It sounded familiar,” he said as he carefully took the plate of food. I grabbed mine off the floor and maneuvered myself so I was sitting on the ground beside him.

“It was ‘If You Please’, a Bing Crosby song. We used to dance to it during the war.” I watched him as he nodded while also shoveling eggs into his mouth.

“Oh,” he looked at his now empty fork, “I don’t remember how to dance.

An idea came to me as I picked up a piece of bacon. “What if, after we eat breakfast, I show you.” Then I bit into the piece of bacon, chewing as he looked at me with wide eyes, almost as if he thought I were being crazy.

“But-” He started.

“No buts, I think this will be good, it may help you remember if you can do something that you used to do, maybe it will help to jog your memory,” I said as I started on my eggs.

“Okay.” he let out, sounding very unsure.

After we had eaten and the dishes had been stacked into the sink, we both worked on moving the mattress and his cot out of the middle of the floor. When the floor was clear of anything that we could somehow trip over I dragged him into the middle and placed my hands onto his shoulders.

“Okay, now you put your hands on my waist,” I instructed. He hesitantly placed his hands a little high on my hips, I smiled at him before moving my hands down to correct his placement. “Let's move them down a little. There,” I said, as I brought my hands back up to his shoulders.

“Um, now what?” He questioned, looking everywhere but at me. I could see a tinge of pink rising to his cheeks.

“Now, I’ll sing the song and lead the dance, you just follow my movements,” I told him softly before straightening my back and hooking my arms around his neck. I then began to quietly sing the words to the song, humming at the parts where words were not needed.

The dance started off slow as Bucky looked at both of our feet and copied each step that I took. He took small unconfident steps, but he was still as graceful as he was in the past. Looking up at his face I noticed how concentrated he was. His brow was pulled in tight, looking almost like he was angry, and the very tip of his tongue was visible through his lips as he bit down on it.

We danced until I was finished with the song, but Bucky kept going. I felt the shift of when he took control of the dance and I was no longer leading him. His left hand removed itself from my waist and up to grab my right one from around his neck. His right hand wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer to him. My heart sped up a little at this, we haven't been this close in years and it almost felt like the forest time we went dancing together.

I started to hum another slow song as Bucky led me around the living room, through a series of spins. At some point, my head came to rest on his chest while my left arm wrapped itself under his as we held each other close. His chin was barely resting on the top of my head.

“Thank you.” I heard him barely whisper. I faltered in my steps and hummed, but he kept me from tripping.

“What are you thanking me for?”

“Just- thank you for helping me remember some of the good things.” he choked out. “This,” he moves his head to reference what we were doing, “this has helped. I don’t remember it all, but flashes of us dancing are coming to mind. There’s someone with you in a stunning blue dress in a bar somewhere, I think it’s in London, I could be remembering wrong.”

I smiled widely, knowing exactly what he was remembering. “You're right, it was London. That was right after we found you-” I trailed off, realizing that if I said more about finding him in the HYDRA base it might ruin the moment.

The dancing slowed until we were just standing in the middle of the room completely still. Bucky coughed awkwardly and then let me go before walking over to the dining table and snatching up his backpack. “I’m- I’m uh going- out. I’ll be back in a while.” He let out before quickly rushing to the front door and down the stairs. I watched after him with a woeful look.

It had been almost six hours since Bucky had left and the apartment was getting more boring by the minute. I had already put the mattress and Bucky’s pallet back in their spots, I had cleaned and even showered. When I realized he wasn’t going to be home any time soon, I decided to go on a run. Something I hadn’t done in a while.

Bucky and I had decided that until the news of what had happened with SHIELD and the fact that all of their secrets were out in the open, including ones that had both of us included in them, died down, we probably both shouldn't leave the apartment at the same time. That way it would be less likely for us to be spotted.

It had only been two months but it had been a while since I had seen any news or heard any talk of us or the events in January. So I quickly got dressed in some warm running clothes and a blue beanie to keep my hair hidden, in hopes that it would help keep people from recognizing me.

Then I was off, bounding down the several flights of stairs and out the side door of the very old apartment building. It was almost one-thirty and the streets were busy, so I wasn’t able to go at full sprint. But the average run was wonderful. The cool air hitting my face was just what I had needed after being cooped up all day.

I had only been running for maybe twenty or thirty minutes when I started to feel the hairs on the back of my neck start to stand and goosebumps started to cover my arms. Nothing ever crossed my mind other than it being super cold out, so I paid no attention to it. Running some more I came to a long dark alleyway between several tall buildings. Right as I turned off of the sidewalk and into the alley I felt something grab my hand.

I turned in surprise, swinging my free arm to try and take out whoever had placed their hands on me. The attempted punch was futile as that hand was caught by a large gray metal hand. Looking up at the person, I recognized Bucky. His hood was up over his ball cap and his hair was dangling in his face.

“Oh, it's just you,” I let out a sigh of relief. I tried to take my hands out of his grasp but he only held on tighter.

“What the hell are you doing out here?” he almost yelled.

“I went on a run because I was bored and alone.”

“We agreed to not go out at the same time.” He was looking at me furiously and I swore if he were any madder, smoke would be billowing from his ears.

“I’m sorry but you have been gone for six hours.”

“I came back and you weren't there. I looked everywhere and then I spotted you, running.” He softened for a second.

“It’s okay, I wasn’t leaving you. I just needed to get out of there for a while. I was being careful, nothing would have happened.” I smiled up at him, but it quickly fell when turned away from me quickly.

“YOU DON’T KNOW THAT,” he bellowed out, slamming his metal hand into the bricks right next to us. I flinched at that as old memories flashed behind my eyes. “You don’t know that,” he said more calmly. He reached out for my hand and started to lead me back to the apartment. “Come on, let's get off the street.” I just followed him silently.

After getting back to the apartment, I went straight into the bathroom without a word and started running the water for a shower. When the water was scalding hot I took my clothes off and stepped in. The water hit my chest and neck before I turned around to wet my hair. I stood under the running water for what felt like forever before I felt my eyes start to burn and tears started to spring out and mix with the shower water.

I hated how I felt at the moment like I was back to being the helpless little kid that I used to be. Huddled under the dining room table, clinging onto Steve as I cried. I hadn’t had the slightest relapse in years and just the way that Bucky had yelled and slammed into the wall had flung back to when I was five.

I slowly washed myself off and continued to let the water rush over me until it began to run cold. When I finally got the tears to stop flowing, I turned the water off and stepped out, grabbing one of the towels off of the rack and drying off. I dressed in a sweater and a pair of sweatpants I had grabbed before coming into the bathroom. After that, I wrapped the towel I had used around my wet hair and then stepped out into the cold air of the living area.

I slowly padded my way to the fridge, I paid no mind to Bucky, who was sitting across the love seat. Opening the fridge door I rummaged through what we had before settling on grabbing the milk container. I sat it on the counter beside me as I reached above me to grab the box of half-empty cereal from the top of the fridge. Then I went over to the sink to wash one of the two bowls we had before making my dinner.

When I had finally finished making my bowl of cereal, I noticed it getting darker, which made me realize the earlier event had drained me more than I thought.

Settling down into the mattress, I laid on my side and gathered the extra length of the blanket into my arms. Bucky was fast asleep behind me on his pallet and pretty soon I fell asleep as well.

I opened my eyes to the sun shining straight into them. I could hear loud banging noises coming through the door of the tiny room I was in. I realized quickly that it was my childhood room back in New York. Steadily I flung the covers off of me and slid myself off the bed and onto the ground. Looking over at the mirror next to the bed I noticed I was a child again, I paid it no mind as I fixed my nightgown before walking to the door of my room. Gently I reached up to grab hold of the knob and twisted. As soon as the door was open, the banging sounds became louder. Sticking my head out into the hall I looked down to the kitchen where the noise was coming from before completely stepping out of my room.

Tentatively I walked down the hall to the barely closed kitchen door. Before I could place my hand on the door to push it open, Steve stopped me. He bent down to my height and looked me in the eyes, shaking his head. I didn’t really understand what he was trying to convey so I rushed forward past him and into the kitchen, only to stop short. There, laid out in the middle of the kitchen floor was our mother with blood dripping down her face onto the wooden floor. Father stood over her with a bottle in one hand and blood covering his other fist. My heart pounded as I ran to my mother's side, crying loudly. As I came to her side I felt a large hand snatch my upper arm and a second later I was flying into one of the kitchen chairs. The tears came faster after that. They blurred my vision so much that I hadn't noticed Steve coming into the kitchen as well until he was helping me sit up.

“Shh, it’s okay, let's hurry and get back to bed.” He tried lifting me to my feet, but I fought.

“Mommy,” I cried. Escaping from Steve's hold I crawled my way back to her. And that's when I felt the hand slapping my face.

“Oh stop crying. You aren’t a baby.” I heard my father say as I brought my hands up to cup the side of my face and just cried more. He didn’t like this so in a fit of anger he threw his beer bottle across the room and into the wall. It shattered into hundreds of tiny brown glass pieces. Then he took his belt off and wrapped the buckled end of it around his hand and then headed straight for me. I blurted out of his way when he took his first steps towards me, but soon I was backed up into a corner. “Come here, so I can give you a whooping for not listing.”

“No Daddy please.” I cried harder as he came closer. That’s when Steve ran in between us.

“Dad stop, she's only five.”

“You get out of the way Steve or I’ll give you one too.” He took another step forward but Steve stood still. Through my tears, I could see Father's eyes becoming darker with anger at each passing second. When Steve still didn’t move out of his way after the next few steps, he started swinging the belt, catching Steve violently on the left cheek then back again across his right arm and around to his back. The force of the blow knocked him away just long enough for Father to reach me in the corner and take me up and start walking. The pain I felt all around my body from the sting of the belt was excruciating. I cried even more which in turn made Father angrier.

I let out a relieved sob when Mother grabbed hold of the hand that was wielding the belt, halting the onslaught of whips.

“Joseph, stop it, please. They’re both just children, leave them out of this.” she pleaded with him, which only made him turn back to beating her. I ran to hide under the table, soon after that Steve came to hide with me. I calmed my tears but I was left numb, the only thing I could hear were the sounds of Father hurting Mother. And then finally they stopped. Slowly crawling out from under the table we were met with the swollen, bloodied face of our Mother and Father was nowhere to be found.

“It’s okay children, he’s gone to bed now,” she said calmly as I made my way into her lap.

“Mom, why did you get back up?” I heard Steve ask shakily.

“Because, and both of you listen well because you always get back up. No matter how much it hurts, you stand up. Stand up for yourself, for those weaker and even stronger than you, and for each other.” She said as she gently rubbed my back.

I woke up with a start after that. Chest heaving for air, sweat covering every inch of my body, despite the room being freezing cold. There was shuffling behind me and then something cold was placed on my shoulder, I flinched away from it and turned around quickly, fear clouding my vision. I relaxed when I noticed that it was only Bucky. Letting out a shaky breath I let the dam of tears break away.

Bucky hesitantly scooted closer to where I was sitting and gently, but hesitantly, placed both his hands on the upper part of my arms and rubbed up and down.

“Are you okay? You were screaming in your sleep and then you just shot up out of nowhere,” he asked, concern dripping from his words.

“I’m okay now,” I replied shakily. “It was just a bad dream.”

“Do you- do you want to talk about it?”

I nodded slightly, knowing it would be best to get it off my chest than to keep what had happened bottled up. So for the next little while, I related to Bucky what had happened in my dream and told him bits and pieces of the abuse that had happened in my childhood before my father passed away in nineteen twenty-six.

“I’ve been in violent situations before and was fine, like in the world war, but when you slammed your hand into the wall today it triggered something in me that hadn't been triggered in a very long time,” I said, wiping the now drying tears from my cheeks. After the words left my mouth I felt Bucky slowly remove himself from his spot on my mattress and back onto the floor. “Thanks for listening, we should go back to bed now,” I yawned.

“Good night.” He whispered.

I reached down my bed to grab at the covers that were bunched up on the floor. Dragging them up, I laid back down as I covered myself with them. “Good night,” I whispered back to him. I closed my eyes, but I never did go back to sleep.

Over the next few days, after I had had the nightmare, I saw Bucky less and less. He would avoid me all day, the only time he was ever really directly next to me was when we would lay down for bed. I honestly had no clue as to why he was so diligently keeping me at a distance, but it was starting to worry me a bit. We had worked so hard to get to the place we were and now it was falling away.

He had left early in the morning like he had been but when he came home I had made a peace offering of sorts, hoping that food would be the way to stop avoiding me. I had spent quite a while flipping through a Romanian cookbook trying to figure out what I was going to make for dinner before settling on creamed chicken, which looked a lot more appetizing than it sounded.

I gathered all the ingredients I would need and then got to work. While the oven was preheating I chopped all the vegetables and placed them in a large dutch oven along with the chicken. After that I covered it with the lid and placed it in the bottom rack of the oven, I left it there for an hour.

While the vegetables and chicken were cooking slowly, I pan-cooked the mushrooms I had chopped earlier until they were nice and browned. This didn’t take long so when I had finished with the mushrooms, I sat down to read while I waited on the food in the oven to finish.

After the hour was up I took the chicken and vegetables out of the oven and poured a mixture of two cups of cream and a few tablespoons of flowers into the pot, along with the mushrooms from before and a tablespoon of paprika. I mixed it up a little with my wooden spoon to make sure everything was well incorporated, then I stuck the lid back on and placed the pot back in the oven for another thirty minutes.

When the thirty minutes were up, I took the food out of the coven and turned it off. I spooned some of the chicken and creamy broth into two separate bowls just as Buckey walked through the door. I looked up and smiled at him as he sat his backpack down on the dining table.

“Hey, I’m glad you got here when you did. I just finished making dinner, but I’ll only let you have it if you promise to tell me why you keep avoiding me.” I said jokingly as I walked to place our bowls down on the table. He just looked at me then turned, heading into the bathroom.

Seconds later I heard the shower turn on and I let out a huff. I sat down and ate my serving of food while I waited on him to finish up in the bathroom. It felt like hours before he finally opened the door. I abruptly stood up from my spot on the dining chair, determined to get some sort of answer from him.

“Bucky, why do you keep avoiding me?” My question was met with silence as he strode his way to his pallet and laid down like he was going to bed, even though it wasn’t even seven yet. “Bucky, please answer me. It’s been almost a week”. I paced my way to stand directly behind him, he turned his back to me. I bent down and slowly placed my hand on his arm. He jerked it away from me and scooted away.

“Don’t touch me.” He let out in almost a warning tone.

“Okay, I won’t, but I just want to know why you’re ignoring my existence completely.” I backed away from him. “I deserve even the smallest of explanations.” But still, nothing came. I stood up then and went back to the table to pick up my empty bowl and his full one and headed over to the kitchen. I dumped the contents of Bucky's bowl back into the pot and then covered the lid so I could place it in the fridge to eat later.

“Dinner’s in the fridge whenever you decide you want some.” I paused for a second, “Can you at least say something?”

He let out an exasperated breath, shooting up to look at me. “Fine you want to know why I’m avoiding you, then here it is. You shouldn’t have followed me here. I’m dangerous, I could hurt you or anyone else for that matter. The other day was testament enough of that. So just stay away from me.”

I stood there silently, a little confused by his words. “Bucky you could never hurt me, I know you wouldn’t.”

“Maybe not knowingly, but I could. Like you said, I scared you the other day, made you remember things your father did. It wasn’t physical but I still hurt you.”

“So that's why you were avoiding me? Because you thought that I was scared of you? Bucky I would never be scared of you, you’ve never given me a reason to be. All I said was that it triggered something, I was caught off guard. Someone else could have easily been the one to trigger it instead of you.” I said as I made my way back over to him.

“You don’t know that. You don't know that I wouldn’t hurt you.” He said shakily.

“Yes I do, Buck. I know you wouldn't, because two months ago when you were the Winter Soldier, you had plenty of chances to finish me off, to hurt me, and you didn’t. I know you, and I know you would never seriously hurt me. There is some part of your past still alive in you that's why you’re afraid you’ll hurt me now and that's why you wouldn't hurt me then.” I assured him as I tentatively placed my hand on his and gripped it tight. “I trust you Bucky, whether you trust yourself or not.”

His head bent down to look at our hands and then he looked back at me, his lips twitching into an almost unnoticeable smile. I felt him grip my hand tightly before letting it go. “I think I’ll take some of that chicken now,” he said as he heaved himself up off the floor.

I backed away up onto the loveseat behind me in order to let him pass by me. I said nothing as I picked up my book from the cushion beside me and started to read where I had left off earlier in the day.

Authors note: If you are confused, Steve's father was an abuser in the comics so that's what's going on. I don't think he was one in the MCU, but the MCU version died in WW1 right after Steve was born, so I added the comic version to fit in with the timeline of Reader's birth and some other plot stuff for this chapter.

Tag List: @ginger-swag-rapunzel @underc0vercryptid-reads @geek-and-proud @intothesoul @leyannrae @starkleila @andy-is-gay

[sukirichi]

もしもし！I hope you're fine and better now, please get a lot of rest and stay healthy. I just came from binge reading (did I use the word correctly?) your fics, and can't get over the "aunt Suki is now back as Naoya's trophy wife" in your father!Megumi fic. Although this is late but I want to help you smile.

I don't know if tsundere Naoya is a thing, but I thought of him having a slight tsundere side, not the blushy type but a teeny tiny almost non existent soft side type.

Naoya who's pride is higher than a 50m wall, he has a reputation to uphold and it all crumbles down in your shared bedroom. In the middle of the night, aunt Suki woke up to hear grumbling and growling and also maybe the feeling of combing and braiding of your locks.

You think your husband is summoning demons and curses upon you only to catch upon his complaints about his work and being tired.

He didn't want anyone seeing him complain and tired from work, not even you, his wife. So, seeing you awake surprised him, he expected you to be asleep or was he too loud.

As prideful he is, the man might just need some pat on the head or a thank you for working so hard. Though a pat in the head might not be good idea, so you retorted in thanking him and maybe offering him a massage or lullaby to help him calm down.

He might just tell you, "You should be so you better do your work as a wife properly." and then lays down with his back towards you, unable to face you in this weak state of his. Physical affection might not be his thing, so you retorted into patting or stroking his back.

I'm horrible at giving ideas and descriptions but I hope this will at least make your day. ♡*｡.🐙.｡*♡

Lots of love for you! 💕

MY BABY HELLOOOO IM SORRY I TOOK SO LONG TO RESPOND TO THIS, I JUST WANTED TO WRITE MY RESPONSE ON LAPTOP WHERE I CAN TYPE BETTER SPSPSPS BUT LIKE IM NOT KIDDING YOU, I READ THIS SO MANY TIMES - WHEN I WAKE UP, BEFORE I SLEEP - THIS NEVER FAILS TO PUT A SMILE ON MY FACE AND THIS MADE ME SO HAPPY THANK YOU SO MUCH BLESS YOUR EXISTENCE WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE YOUR SWEET KIND SELF CMERE LEMME GIVE YOU ALL THE KITHESSSS

TSUNDERE NAOYA!!! IM LEVITATING WEEEEE

AND OMG YES I CAN PICTURE THIS SO WELL, TSUNDERE NAOYA WHO KEEPS GRUMBLING UNDER HIS BREATH AND FINDS COMFORT IN BRUSHING HIS WIFE’S HAIR AND JUST COMPLAINING ABOUT ELDERS AND SHIZ BUT WHEN WIFE WAKES UP HE JUST GOES “HMPH” AND ACTS LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED LIKE DUDE PLEASE NAOYA JUST NEEDS LOVE AND I HAVE SO MUCH OF THAT TO GIVE TO HIM AND OMG NAOYA WONDERING IF HE WAS TOO LOUD AND IMMEDIATELY SHUTTING UP UGHHH MY HEART IS GOING DOKI DOKIIII PLEASEEEE

DUDE DUDE OKAY!! HEAD PATS WITH NAOYA AND LULLABIES?! HES GONNA ACT LIKE HE HATES IT BUT DEEP DOWN HE LOVES THEM AND IF YOU GIVE HIM HEAD PATS HES LIKE HOW DARE YOU, I AM A MAN, BUT IF YOU KISS HIM HE MELTS AND HE GOES, “...do that again...or else...” UGH FRICK CAN YOU TELL I LOVE HIM WITH MY WHOLE SELF?!

“He might just tell you, "You should be so you better do your work as a wife properly." and then lays down with his back towards you, unable to face you in this weak state of his. Physical affection might not be his thing, so you retorted into patting or stroking his back.” 

I LOVED THIS SM YOU HAVE NO IDEA, NAOYA BEING TSUN TSUN GIVES ME LIFEEEEE LIKE HES GONNA PRETEND HE HATES YOU BUT IS 100% A SIMP ANYWAY, I SAID WHAT I SAID! NAOYA LOVES HIS WIFE LMFAOOOO. and omg naoya turning with his back just screams “i need hugs” AND WHO AM I TO SAY NO TO THAT?! AS HIS WIFE, ITS MY JOB TO LOVE HIM AND THAT I WILL! yes i do think physical affection isn’t his thing not because he hates it but i think he’s just not used to it? like people serve him and act so careful with him that he’s just not used to being held so lovingly but URGHH NAOYA I WOULD BE YOUR CUDDLE BUDDY EVEN THO I HATE BEING TOUCHED TOO, I’D DO ANYTHING FOR YOU NAOYA BAEEEE! AND STROKING NAOYA’S BACK WOULD MAKE HIM FEEL SO UWU BECAUSE HE FEELS SAFE AND COMFORTED AND POOR BB JUST NEEDS A BREAK 

YES YES THIS DEFINITELY MADE MY DAY AND WILL CONTINUE TO MAKE MY ENTIRE WEEK, MAYBE MONTH, HELL I’LL HAVE THIS TATTOOED ON MY THIGHS SPSPSPSP THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS NONNIE, I LOVED EVERY SINGLE PART OF IT THANK YOU SO MUCHHH I LOVE YOU! LOTS OF LOVE FOR YOU AS WELL BB!!! PLEASE DO COME BY AGAIN, I WANT TO SHOWER YOU WITH MORE LOVE THIS TIME AROUND OMG I TREASURE YOU SPSPSPSP

[pastafossa]

I've just binged all of the red thread and I can't even form into words how good it is.

The other day I stayed up to 1:30 in the morning, even when I had to wake up in 4 hours because I just couldn't put it down. Few fics have ever had me in such a tight grip, and this is definitely one of the best ones I've ever read (and I've read a lot).

You write Matt so well, and create such a compelling relationship (I genuinely want to jump through the screen and murder White Coat so those two idiots can smush their stupid faces together) that's very realistic and so profoundly emotive.

The way you write is also incredible. You manage to describe emotions so fully it's almost like I am literally in the story, feeling everything the characters feel. Even the way you simply describe scenery is awesome - the language is beautiful and flowery without being too flowery (a balance few authors can manage like you).

I also checked the word count and it's only a fee chapters or so from being equal with Order of the Phoenix. Like???? That is a monster of a book, and the fact that you've ben able to do that so, so well is fucking amazing. Not to mention the fact you've not even been paid to do this.

So I just want to thank you for sharing your talent and putting so much hard work into this story that I have (and will continue) to enjoy so much. <3

This was AMAZING to come back to after a hellish week, so thank you! 😭 I care about this fic and these characters so much, so I try to put everything I've learned about writing into practice, along with slipping in all the love I have for the Daredevil series. I'm overjoyed to hear it's coming through!

And the wordcount is truly massive! My longest fanfic before this was 30k words I think? I had no idea I was closing in on Order of the Phoenix territory, which actually makes me REALLY EXCITED, LOOK AT MY BIG BOOK!

Just know I'm equally thankful for you sharing your thoughts! It makes me feel so, so happy to read all this. ❤️