#i can't even consider the ML as straight

[kdramaxoxo]

Okay so you’re telling me... in Love To Hate You...I’m supposed to ship the two leads???

[imthepunchlord]

So, out of curiosity, what's Zoe's set up in the Zodiac Heroes story? Is she still Chloe's half-sister, or are they full siblings? Is she a stepkid, an affair baby, or maybe an orphan/adopted kid the Bourgeois family adopted for good PR and only really picked her specifically because she just happened to look like she could fit in with family (appearance wise)

So, this answer will also extend into the future Rewrite, as Zoe's whole thing is (from what I've heard and gathered) is really vague, confusing, and inconsistent.

But Zoe I'm ultimately going to go with being a stepsister, as, ultimately, it really feels like Audrey and Andre should just straight up be divorced. And Zoe just wants to keep and get along with her stepsister, which is why she joins her stepmom to Paris to connect with this extended family.

I think that's the best solution working off them being sisters, and the messy relationship that is Andre and Audrey, and working off Audrey being gone for so long. Especially as the wife of the mayor of Paris, I would expect the spouse of a big political figure to be more present. So them being divorced just makes sense, and it can work off Andre spoiling Chloe even more to make up for it, plus she's now the remaining precious family member in his life.

I will say, I did consider having Chloe and Zoe being cousins, having Audrey's last name be Lee and Mr Lee is her brother; but wasn't really sold on the idea. I think I'd rather do that for the Couffaines, especially as I did think Jagged was potentially Anarka's younger brother and he just felt younger than her (so canon's choice of making him the dad was so awkward, and from the little I've seen, I don't really like it so I'd rather skip out on that romantic history from Anarka and Jagged, just overhaul it).

And, yeah, recently, adoption came to mind, given what I learned recently on how s5 ends. Only thing, by set up, that can give Zoe a lot of attention and investment plot wise, and this is a character I just don't really have strong feelings for, and I'm not that interested in her at all. I also don't like the outcome of Andre adopting Zoe.

Like, wth ML crew.

I know Mr Lee isn't really brought up much, and we don't know anything about him as a person or parent, but he was established. But you can't just hand wave away his existence so Andre can adopt her. If this is keeping Zoe in Paris, just have her attend school abroad.

And I also call bs on Andre dropping the monster of his own creation for a "better" child. I know Audrey gets a lot of rightful blame for how Chloe turned out, but between the two, I blame Andre more as he's the active parent in her life, and we see he spoils and enables her. To me, he's more at fault for how Chloe came out as he actually raised her. He can't just wash his hands of her and have a different kid. That's not how it works.

Especially when this show confirms over and over again how terrible he is as a person. Honestly, this whole family sucks. Andre should've just ended up in jail for corruption. I don't like this route of him being a victim/the good Bourgeois cause no, he's terrible. He's freaking ending s5 kidnapping a kid. And given his history of parenting, I'm not sure I'm going to like where Zoe ends up.

Anyway, the adoption thing could've been better if Mr Lee didn't exist and Zoe was an orphan and picked for publicity and because she looked like she could fit in, but they didn't plan far enough ahead for that. And I guess decided they liked Andre enough to be officially adopt Zoe?

But that set up does mean she should get a lot of attention for her situation and I am just not invested in her that much.

So, stepsisters it is!

Attending school in Paris for at least a year (for ZH anyway, not for Rewrite as Zoe is not going to stay) and to get a chance to bond with her sister. It just makes the most sense to me given her initial intro, Audrey and Andre's relationship and them being divorced just makes more sense, and you can still get that same sort of drama you expect between the two very suddenly now sisters.

[pruneunfair]

" My feelings on" part 3, today's episode: For my derelict favorite and how it fails at being a feminist empowerment story.

So this OI had an interesting title and a ML that didn't have the same cold Duke of the north look, some characters named after Greek gods, and it sounded relatable at first since I'm sure all of us had a fictional crush we obsessed over.

Dear God how this one flopped. Put some respect on the true Hestia, the actual goddess of the hearth in Greek mythology mostly known for staying out of conflict as one of the kindest goddesses because this version of Hestia is the absolute opposite.

The plot is basically Hestia is a rich woman possessed by another transmigrated soul who was a big fan of the story she read in her first life, she is obsessed with the 2nd male lead Caelus and fangirls over him whenever she can but Cael is going through severe depression after the og fl Diana rejected him even after he gave her so much including murdering 2 people for her, he's so distraught by this that he kills himself and Hestia places the blame on Diana and her fiance Helios for not doing enough and makes it her goal to ruin them for Cael.

So first of all, Hestia goes from a little funny to flat out grating to follow as the lead. She's basically a manhwa insert of those OI commenter's who shit on every woman who is too feminine or emotional and thinks they can do better by being a badass or the white lotus villainess who purposely provokes the lead and damage her reputation by acting like Diana was the aggressor. A flawed protagonist would be amazing but it becomes clear that the narrative claims Hestia in the right for all the times she purposely provokes Diana for numerous sins but it mostly centers around not getting with Caelus.

Here are some examples of Hestia being a dream girl for an Andrew Tate fan.

Honestly can't tell if she was written by a pick me girl or by a loser who's butthurt that he got rejected and Hestia is just his ideal girlfriend.

Caelus is not nearly as terrible but the way they try to make him sympathetic just feels like an ass pull you'd see in a 2018 depressing gacha life video

I like his design since we really need more long haired male leads but ehh.. that's it. As I said above Cael gives up a lot for Diana including land for a temple and killing 2 former villains for her even though she never asked. Naturally Diana did not fall for him just because he did great things for her especially after he killed 2 people. Not knowing what to do without her he falls into depression and kills himself in one timeline. Despite the common agreement that suicide is no one's fault, The blame is shifted onto his ex and her fiancé for cutting him off. While Helios and Diana are no angels Cael is treated like he can do wrong and while that it is the point since Hestia is his biggest fan, the narrative plays into this as well, mostly in shitting on Diana for "leading him on." And playing him for not becoming his bride. Feels straight out of a nice guy subreddit. His suicidal arc also just feels so weird.. it's there for sympathetic points and it's immediately solved when Hestia blows money on a title so she can marry him, no real work, just the good ol power of the boss babe to cure depression and suicidal thoughts. Frankly if I were him, I'd be extremely uncomfortable and upset if my current partner made it their entire personality to attack my ex, I feel like most people would rather continue their journey with their new partner if they want to go on a healthier path, and your ex constantly being brought up by the current partner for petty revenge would make that harder.

Diana is honestly more suited to be the protagonist then Hestia, ironic considering she was og fl

Shes everything the average "baddass babe" would hate, feminine, graceful, and dainty. She's a saintess who used to heal the common folk before she gets engaged to Helios and becomes the crown princess, from there she stops helping the commoners and works to be a noble. That would honestly be a better reason to call her out instead of "You didn't throw yourself to my baby boy Cael!!" Regardless she isn't as evil as described by Hestia. She's definitely not a perfect sweetheart but rejecting a man is not on her. Imagine if she stayed the protagonist and she had an arc dedicated to her betraying the people to be a perfect noblewoman where she is called out and learns to find a balance or make things a little more fair. Diana needed to be called out on a lot of things but shitting on her for not accepting a man's feelings is just stupid. Diana barely even knew Hestia and already this woman who married an ex friend of hers is making her entire life into being a dick to her.

I can't really see how I'm supposed to hate her when Hestia is just as much of a hypocrite. Here she judges Diana for wearing a fancier dress at a ball

Hestia aren't you throwing money everywhere you go to satisfy your own superficial goals? You seem more concerned about using that money to buy a title and marry a man you fanboy over instead of being the saintess you think you are. The pot calling the kettle black indeed.

they do try to explain why Hestia hates Diana so much aside from Cael but even then.. it's not really Diana's fault, just the rude priest who kicked her out, for all we know Diana was busy or never even told that Hestia showed up to be healed

That sounds more like a problem with the kingdom and not a single woman.

But ofc, the comments are dumb and see everything through the lense of what they would consider a "trashta" as the one true gospel, here's one comment that really got me.

Damn, I guess that means secret Santa or donations must be canceled since you don't share feelings for those random people who give you gifts.

I feel like if this one was surrounded about the biases we feel about the characters we like and how to actually move on and grow, you need to work on yourself instead of focusing on shifting the blame, this could be a great story on how all the characters better themselves with their own arcs.

Conclusion: For my derelict favorite claims to be a feminist alternative of a typical story when it's basically just taking the usual two faced obsessive villainess, not bothering to add some nuance to said character to make her likeable, putting her in the protagonist seat, and pushing the narrative that her pathetic revenge is totally right, with the plot basically being a self insert fanfiction you'd find on wattpad.

[weebsinstash]

Consider reading Steel Under Silk and The Ghost's Nocturne. Both are BL manhwa. Both are kinda similar to Painter of the Night (on the pairing being a Huge Strong Guy With Issues and a Massive Dick X Petite Man) and yet completeley different. Both have noncon. Both are available on bato. to! Steel Under Silk is legit so good, I dont even wanna pitch it to you. The ML is *MWHAH* chefs kiss. You just have to read it and see for yourself. The art style on both are TOP TIER.

Man so like I was kind of indulging in this conversation with someone else earlier but, you know how there was like that cultural movement in like the 2000s onward where a lot of young women were uncritically consuming yaoi content and yeah there were definitely a lot of people being homophobic and fetishistic about it (legit I think the whole "yaoi is fine but yuri is gross" that was common for a lot of young girls was just internalized misogyny bc I was one of those kids and now I'm literally a queer person with a gender identity of Girl But Also Who Gives a Fuck) but like at the core of it it was younger folks being completely unbothered by queer media and even seeking it out, and then there was this reverse whiplash of "oh no only gay men can read these, if you read these you are gross/homophobic/racist" and it's like. I literally turned 26 the other week and even sometimes when im in YouTube shorts watching manhwa clips (believe it or not this can actually be a really good way to find more stories, some people make very high quality edits or clip and the algorithm will just eventually feed you manhwa shit nonstop) and whenever a BL story comes up, there's like, a sense of shame in my heart, like I gotta look away? "Like oh, better avoid that, consuming this media with gay men in it surely makes me fetishistic and creepy" and it's like, the queer community has not clawed its way to having some rights for us to pull this kinds inter-group othering like this 🤦‍♀️ im a fucking adult and im going to read these stories where dudes are gonna fuck and it doesn't mean a damn thing besides me wanting to see people getting Freak Nasty

But anyways yeah I will definitely add those to my recommended 👀 I think one thing I've been having to watch out for is that I will see a series and then I'll read the comments and it might be something like "dont read this, its extremely unhappy, the mc suffers constantly and the ending is sad" and its like. Yeah I like dark content but I have to be careful when it comes to stories that are kind of just straight up tragedy porn? Idk. Like. When I write dark content its kind of contained into like a one-shot or a story with a few chapters, it isn't extremely drawn out to the extent ive seen with a lot of manhwa. I had my eyes on "Broken Promise: Married Man" or whatever the fuck its called bwcause it looked like it had some kinky stuff in it and then I look into it a little and almost everyone was saying "oh no dude don't read this unless you have a strong heart, bad shit CONSTANTLY happens, this man SUFFERS"

Idk its just, sometimes it can be hard to find my personal limits with that kind of thing 🥺 I don't think I've ever dropped anything for messing me up or anything but there are times I've read fanfictions and it made me like depressed the whole day 😅 the hunt for good stories constantly continues!

Also. It isn't a BL but ive heard Finding Camelia is good? It's a manhwa about a girl who is forced to live as a boy because she's the only heir to her family or something and she has to go through a journey of self growth and learn to feel good as herself and a girl again? I dunno, i don't know many details about it but ive seen a lot of people recommend it. Honestly I'm trying not to start too many stories at once but like I can't stop, I find a good story, start reading, oh wait it isn't complete, better find a another story, oh wait it isn't complete, wash rinse repeat ykwim

[cutel3wdstuffz]

I'll never understood what happened to dark romances for them to go from evil villain falls in love and either corrupts the other person or starts together better for them, or like two people in a really terrible situation who gradually fall for eachother, and many other examples I can't be bothered to listing, to them now somehow only being considered dark romances by "booktok" if the ML is a goddamn rapist, like bro that's not dark romance that's horror. Why tf are you getting all giggly and gooey over the main character being raped? Like yes you're allowed to enjoy the whole story and I understand some people have like cnc kinks and stuff and may just find the scene hot based on that but you also have to remember to acknowledge that it's not cnc in the book, the scene itself was legit rape. I've literally seen people get bullied for saying certain characters from certain books are rapists because they raped the mc, like wtf is wrong with booktok 💀💀 this is why I'll never take book suggestions from booktok readers cause that shit is fucked up and they NEVER give content warnings about it in the suggestions so people may not know to look out for them (some of us don't read every single page before the first chapter, some of us skip straight to it so won't notice content warnings if there are any until its too late) but seriously booktok went from suggesting good books to suggesting books that are genuinely worse than wattpad stories. Like I'd rather read wattpad stories over some of the books suggested on there. One example is haunted adeline constantly gets recommended on there and everyone I've seen says it's a sweet but dark romance, and how it's such a good example of dark romances, only for me to find out the ML is a goddamn rapist and even the author has stated it as rape, its acknowledged even in the book as rape 💀💀💀💀 yet so many people will say shit like "oh it wasn't rape she wanted it in the end" when apparently in the scenes she was begging him to stop? Wtf are you lot on????? So yea a note to my followers to never take booktok suggestions without checking content warnings online because wtf. Like I've read a dark romance before that had some dubcon in it, none of it was glorified, both the ML and FL are using eachother the entire time, manipulating eachother to their advantage, where I got to before I got distracted they'd just started to realise that they may actually need to help eachother rather than manipulate eschother cause of everything they'd found out, it's toxic, its not glorified, honestly debatable about the romance part so far wouldn't say the first 2 books are exactly romance in the slightest, but the story is good, I can't remember the name but I can acknowledge both ML and FL are toxic af and its nothing to be glorified like what booktok is doing with their recommendations. Like I said before, you can enjoy the overall story with content such as that but you have to remember not to glorify stuff like rape/dubcon.

[tabaciberez]

Unfortunately, you've activated my Battletech trap card, and I can now yell deranged battle tactics at you. The Catapult K2, while mostly memed as a toaster oven egg on legg, is actually pretty good once you understand how it iterates on the concept of a mid-range cavalry design as scooped from the shell of the one good cavalry LRM boat.

To start for all the non-BT guys, the OG Catapult is a 4/6/4 ride or die cavalry mech running a pair of LRM-15 launchers, four Medium Lasers, and exactly enough ammo to make sure you use all of it and go in for lasers. It's a little toasty, but nothing you can't handle. The K2 swaps this out for two PPCs, two ML, and two machine guns to Remove The Damn Infantry, plus some extra sinks.

"But Tabac," I hear the oddly well informed audience member yell, "this sounds really familiar!" That's because it should. After all, what is a Warhammer, a very well regarded mech, but a 4/6 slugger with two PPCs, two ML, an SRM-6, and two machine guns? Outside Kuritan service it'll even get an extra pair of Small Lasers to waste weight, too.

Is this similarity in armament intentional? I believe so. The only real difference is four jump versus an SRM-6, and of those options I'll take the former every time. Four jump may not look like a lot, but it's a strong positional tool in maps with verticality that punish traditional PPC brawlers like the Awesome and the Warhammer. Considering the Whammy and K2 Catapult both also share the 2-1-2 salvo pattern on their guns, it's quite clear to me what happened here.

The Catapult was- rather cleverly- taken and given a rework into a straight brawler, where it could stand in the line of battle as a more mobile option to traditional double-PPC platforms. And in that, I say it succeeds in the role as I bring it to help fill the line of cavalry lances in Introtech games. Few things make players regret their ML spam strategy than a mech that can clean their clocks from outside their engagement range, and even fewer of them teach that Battletech isn't a WYSIWYG game- second only to the Banshee and it's two swinging fists of fury.

We need more ugly mechs.

I want to see the ugly mechs. The terrible mechs. The ones with blatant conversions having been done to make a perfectly sane design do something completely fucking different.

These things need to look like mechanical cancer, and not the vaguely sexy flesh-turned-machine type. No, I mean "what the fuck the mechanical body doesn't work like that" type of cancer, where you can clearly see what should have been and sawzaw surgery looks like a reasonable alternative to letting this poor benighted beast live in pain any longer.

We are looking at designs where there was a god here, who then left in disgust at the works of man. This is not where a Zaku holds a Feddy beam rifle or a Nachtreiher slings a Stun Needle, no. Those are but mere impersonators to the depths of terrible we need to hit.

Mecha is fundamentally about exploring the human condition, and humans are fucked-up little critters. Let's show that off for once without such limiting factors as "grace" and "beauty" and "dignity" getting in the way.

[emsylcatac]

About Chloé, Zoé, the bee Miraculous & character arc

I didn't really want to touch this subject but I think I will because even before we've really seen Zoé on-screen, I see lots of people already voicing their dislike for a character we know nothing about, mostly because they see her as a replacement for Chloé.

My opinion on this might change after the release of Zoé's introduction episodes.

I don't think I need to discuss again why Chloé getting redeemed thanks to her being the bee holder would have been bad, or why what happened in the season 3 finale and her switching side is a good way to build her character and is logical considering what we've seen of her character so far. A lot of analysis on it have been done by plenty fo people already, so that's not the point I want to bring here.

The announce of a new bee holder and even more of said holder being Chloé's sister (or half sister) have upset a lot of people who straight up refuse to see it happening in the show before even having an inkling of how things are gonna go.

Most of the time, it's either because:

They think Chloé 'deserves better' and was made dirty by the writers

They think this means Chloé will never be redeemed

They see Zoé as an easy way for the writers to 'justify' why they -according to them- won't redeem Chloé, by showing us the "good sister" vs the "bad sister", and it upsets them

Maybe, for all I know, the last point will turn out to be true. Except that's not at all how I feel it.

Chloé is right now as a crossroad where she messed up big time during the last season's finale. If she wants, genuinely wants to get better and be a good person, she has to do it without the bee miraculous. She has to stop being a selfish, self-centered person who only feels like shining or doing good deeds if it means she can have a crumb of attention and mostly admiration. Throughout last season, despite being Queen Bee, she has shown that she was incapable of overcoming it to the point of turning her back on Ladybug, and still treating her classmates with disrespect (and no, I will say it again, but her not being akumatised in the Ladybug episode isn't because she believed in Marinette over Lila, but because she literally couldn't care less about Marinette's problems with Lila here). She has the potential, but not the will.

Which, on one hand, for a potential redemption arc, is good: she should want to get back on Ladybug's side not to get attention from Ladybug and the power she wants, but because she genuinely wants to help and protect the city selflessly. Her not getting the bee back in that regard is the perfect way for her to redeem herself if she chooses to do so.

Now back to Zoé. We don't know yet what the place her character will take from now on, how often we'll see her, etc, so I can't discuss about Zoé's personal character arc. But Zoé regarding Chloé?

Zoé represents a challenge for Chloé's character arc. Zoé will come -from what we can see of Banana Queen spoilers - as a good, likable person to the ML cast - which Chloé isn't because she has been bullying them since before the show started.

For Chloé, having her sister suddenly (back?) in her life, and as a new bee holder, will force her to face some of her greatest character flaws that have kept her from choosing the right path until now: jealousy, envy, and selfishness.

If Chloé wants to grow, if we want her character to actually start to redeem herself, she needs to pass these tests successfully or at least manage to overcome them. She'll need to control her jealousy and learn to act selflessly. She'll need to recognise how she went wrong about being a hero, and accept someone else with better intents replaces her in this role. She'll need to accept that it's not the miraculous that makes someone admirable or deserving to be called a hero, but the way you act and chose to act.

And what better way to test all this in the most cruel way than having a sibling getting the attention from others (I can't talk about her parents yet, but from the classmates and the super-hero team) that she's always wanted? A sister who, when in possession of the bee miraculous, contributes to save Chloé from her newly akumatised self - which can be perceived by Chloé as humiliating? How is she going to react and chose to act faced with these challenges? If done correctly, that's interesting for her character, in my opinion.

To sum up, Zoé isn't here as a replacement of Chloé, but she's here to contribute to Chloé's character arc and challenge her. Chloé might this season either become better or worse first depending on it. Redemption is never easy and never happens fast, it takes time. And ML is a show centered around slowburn and taking its time.

Furthermore, now that we have the confirmation of 7 seasons, we have plenty of time to see Chloé's character evolving and growing out of her self-centered self. But she will have to work for that and the road won't be straight forward.

So we'll see how it'll all turn out but that's my thoughts on the matter!

[solradguy]

would be an easy choice, and someone else is probably going to do it, so how about Ky?

No Sol for the Sol blogger 🥺🥺🥺🥺 jk Ky's good haha

⚡ Overall opinion of them:

Tbh I really didn't like Ky when I first got into Guilty Gear because he was the "stick in the mud law abiding citizen" guy at first glance, but his lore is so complex and his character is a lot deeper than that now that I know him better. He's probably not in my top 5 favorite GG characters or anything, though I don't dislike him. He's neat. I'm looking forward to getting to work on his novel and learning more about him.

⚡ Gender/sexuality headcanons:

It's hilariously easy to make gay jokes about him and Sol because of the official art from X thru XX but, if I had to put Ky on the Kinsey scale, I think he'd be either a 1 or 2. Straight for the most part with the occasional gay/bi moment. I also think that if you asked Ky about his sexuality (assuming the person asking him was someone he was comfortable opening up with) he wouldn't have an answer right away, like sex/sexualities aren't something he dedicates a lot of time thinking about. Heteroflexible-romantic with asexual leanings, or something like that? He would NEVER. EVER. even SLIGHTLY consider cheating on Dizzy.

⚡ Favorite moment in canon:

It was raw af the first time I watched the Xrd story and Elphelt shoots him and he just gets back up because he had the Gear stuff going on at that point. I think that was the scene where my opinion of him started changing because him being a Gear went against like EVERYTHING I thought I knew about him up til then.

⚡ Favorite moment in a fanwork:

I'm gonna skip this question because I don't read fanfiction and don't really have anything to put for it dngkd

⚡ Favorite line, in canon or otherwise:

The change in Ky's match dialog with Sol throughout the series is really cool. Starting with Missing Link, his dialog has a lot of self-doubt in it up until about Rev where he starts getting some confidence in himself: [ML] "Sol! Why did you hold back!? Am I not worthy..?" [X] "That look you're giving me...I feel as if I haven't won." [Xrd] "Sol... Victory is mine." [Strive] "You were supposed to give it your all."

With the Strive quote especially, he says the line with a lot of force/annoyance, not in a way where he doesn't feel like he deserves to have won. I know this isn't like a single quote/what this prompt asks for, I just really like this part of his character development.

⚡ Characters I love seeing them interact with:

Sol, obviously lmfao. I have to admit that I'm not really familiar with his interactions with many of the other characters... It would be interesting seeing some healing with his relationship with Sin in the future.

⚡ Last thing before sleeping headcanons:

Oh you just know this man's got a whole bedtime ritual haha. Brushed teeth, mouthwash, face wash, and a quick comb through his hair before bed. Maybe he reads a little from a (non-work related) book before lights out too.

⚡ Sleeping habits headcanons:

I can imagine Ky's bed and pillows being so perfectly comfortable that he doesn't move like at all once he gets into it. I do think he owns multiple pairs of matching light blue and white pajamas with his initials monogrammed onto the chest pocket, though (and comfortable soft brown leather house moccasins).

⚡ First thing after waking up headcanons:

Good morning smooch for Dizzy <3 Ky seems like the kind of person who wakes up and then immediately gets dressed and ready for the day, but also skips breakfast and has only coffee more often than he'd like to admit...

⚡ Favorite locations headcanon:

Hmm... I don't know Ky well enough to get a feel for the kinds of locations he seems like he would enjoy... Maybe sneaking down to the farmer's market with Dizzy when he can to buy little baked treats that he normally can't get the chefs at the Illyria castle to make? He seems like he might enjoy walks in nature parks too but doesn't ever have the time to get away to go on one...

[walks-the-ages]

Ml vs Bleach: Am I the only one why thinks that the zanpakuto, the weapons of the shinigami and arrancars(if that's how you write it) have more agency than the kwamies? Like, at least the zanpakuto require some level of positive rapport between the weapon's spirit and their weilders to get their names and learn bankais. The kwamies meanwhile are forced to obey without any choice.

yep! Even as a not good example because Zangetsu isn't by any stretch of the definition a "normal" Zanpakuto spirit, Zangetsu has more character, motivation, and agency than any of the kwami do, including Tikki.

BLEACH VS MIRACULOUS LADYBUG ROUND 4: Kwami Vs Zanpakuto!

Tikki, who is meant to be our main representation of the kwami, was at first framed as this mysterious, all-powerful, wise mentor to Marinette... who then got retconned into an immature toddler like the rest of the kwami, who then was randomly given an eating disorder/addiction that was framed as both comedy and turned her into a horror show because the writers really want to take credit for writing 'deep subject matter' while still shielding themselves from criticism by saying "it's a kids show! Don't take it so seriously!"

Even after the writers have casually brushed attempted suicide under the rug for Adrien's sympathy points, present Rose as inspiration porn for the *parents* of children with terminal illnesses instead of actually giving any meaningful message to kids themselves, child abuse is regularly swept under the rug in favor of making Gabriel sympathetic, Marinette's ADHD and anxiety are commonly framed as character flaws used to mock and humiliate her, and Tikki is randomly given an addiction/eating disorder (the writers can't even make up their mind about what it's a metaphor for) that for the entire episode is framed as being humorous or making Tikki scary because as we all know, people who suffer from eating disorders and addiction are scary scary violent people!/sarcasm

📷

[ID: A screenshot from Miraculous Ladybug season 4 episode "dearest family", showing Tikki glaring darkly at the screen, her teeth gritted in anger. She is a small, alien-looking being with a large head, big eyes, and small paws or flippers for hands and feet. She has is mainly red, with a large black circle on her forehead, blue eyes, and red antennae. end ID]

Anyways, yes, Zanpakuto spirits are more characters than the kwami are, which is pretty sad considering we see the kwami every single episode, but their characterization is constantly being retconned and walked back on and contradict themselves because the writers don't care about keeping continuity.

Tikki exists to scold Marinette, and occasionally give her wise-sounding advice that either doesn't actually mean anything or actively harms Marinette by presenting a 'solution' that is teaching both Marinette and the audience a completely wrong lesson-- which we know from the writer's is 100% purposeful.

Tikki has no real motivations for what she does outside of the fact that she is bound to whoever wields her Miraculous, she supposedly cares about Marinette but not enough to ever do anything in her own power to help Marinette in any meaningful way in both her personal and superhero lives such as actually helping her plan how to beat or find Hawkmoth, doesn't give her any information about the butterfly and peacock Miraculous, doesn't give her any guidence on anything that is actually meaningful or a lesson that actively harms Marienette (and the audience) to absorb than it is any actual life lesson like the show enjoys framing them as; things like:

"don't stand up to your bullies",

"Don't hurt a bullies' feelings to keep your friends safe, it's better to allow the people you love be hurt than it is to hurt a bully",

"You should always be nice to the people that have hurt you [for 4 years straight] so you can make them a better person, no matter how long it takes and no matter how much they're continuing to hurt you" aka "It's better to stay in an abusive reletionship so you can "fix them" than it is to get out and protect yourself from further abuse"

etc.

Tikki exists solely as a character to be cute and teach Marinette a lesson, no matter how fucked up and flawed those lessons are. She doesn't actually care about Marinette or her duties because she is constantly retconned from a mentor to a toddler as it suits the plot and even then she has no real motivation to beat hawkmoth because she's never made any effort to advance their fight against him, and she's never thought to use her own powers against Hawkmoth, but the writers are perfectly willing to have her use them to get cake as part of her addiction/eating disorder metaphor that's portrayed as comical the entire time up until the writers are scolding you for seeing it as comical.

And then, there's Zangetsu:

[ID: A screenshot from the Bleach anime, showing Zangetsu smirking at the camera, with a sideways blue sky behind him with the clouds floating sideways. Zangetsu is a mirror image of Ichigo Kurosaki, a teenage boy with short spikey hair, except Zangetsu's skin and hair are bone-white, his clothes are the inverted version of Ichigo's clothing so they are mainly white, and the whites of his eyes are pitch black, while his irises are a deep amber color. end ID]

Zangetsu is also known in fandom by a few different names, mainly because of the length of time we did not know/didn't believe his real name lol ["Weren't you listening before? I already told you, my name is Zangetsu!"] , such as Hichigo ( short for Hollow Ichigo), Shiro, (meaning White) or Shirosaki, and more, but his true canonical name is now known and accepted to be the real Zangetsu.

Zangetsu is both Ichigo's true Zanpakuto spirit and his inner Hollow that Ichigo was born with; Zangetsu's motivation in life to to protect Ichigo and to make him strong enough to defend himself, and as such, he is not afraid to challenge, scare, and threaten Ichigo to motivate him into getting strong enough to survive the impossible-- even if it means Ichigo hates and fears him to begin with. Zangetsu loves to fight and is determined to protect Ichigo, even going as far to manifest his hollow mask to physically shield Ichigo from wounds that would have been fatal, and is more than willing to take over Ichigo's body during fights where he belives Ichigo cannot win to defeat the enemy on his own, which Ichigo misconstrues as sabotauge or an annoying interruption in a battle for honor-- aka he wants to kick Byakuya's ass himself without "his hollow" interfering.

Zangetsu has actively saved Ichigo's life more times than I can count, and doesn't mind having to play the bad guy (threatening to take over and hurt Ichigo's friends and family) if it means Ichigo is properly motivated to get strong enough to fight him and claim his powers, therefore making him strong enough to survive his fights against Aizen's army and all the filler villains in between.

...

and Zangetsu No Ossan / Old Man Zangetsu:

[ID: A screenshot from the Bleach anime, showing Zangetsu No Ossan. Ossan has the appearance of an older man with long, dark brown hair, a goatee, and sunglasses with brown eyes. He is wearing a black cloak that has a ragged white collar, his hair and cloak are constantly moving in an unseen breeze. There are storm clouds behind him, and the edge of a building is barely visible. end ID]

Then, there's Zangetsu no Ossan, who is also commonly referred to as just "Ossan" for short. Ossan is the spirit that represent's Ichigo's Quincy powers (that Ichigo inherited from his mother, Masaki) and throughout the beginning of the series, Ossan is posing as Ichigo's zampakuto spirit, and is actively sabotaging Ichigo's progress with his Shinigami powers, because like Zangetsu, Ossan wishes to protect Ichigo above all else, but his methods are the opposite to Zangetsu's-- Ossan does not want Ichigo to become a Shinigami because it would make him a bigger target for danger, until Ossan saw the straight of Ichigo's character in his struggles to protect the ones he loves, and decideds to finally help Ichigo get stronger instead of hindering him.

While both Zangetsu and Ossan's goals revolve around protecting Ichigo, their methods and motivations often go against Ichigo's own wishes, and they often find themselves fighting each other as their interests throw them into conflict... which only makes them stronger as they learn and bond and grow together in understanding each other.

Ichigo, Zangetsu, and Ossan all bond over the course of the series, and as they come to understand each other their bond only becomes stronger, and their powers and abilities grow stronger as they learn to trust each other.

and then meanwhile.... Marinette and Tikki are at worse relationship status than they were in season one, purely because Tikki has been retconned and downgraded from a wise centuries-old mentor to a squabbling, irresponsible child; Marinette and Tikki's only bond is the one they have from Marinette wielding the Miraculous, and the Kwagatama Marinette was gifted by Tikki on her birthday in s2 has been completely forgotten about by the writers and might as well not exist for all the fact that is means and does nothing for the characters and story.

Marinette and Tikki do not grow stronger as their relationship grows because their relationship cannot grow, and her entire personality changes episode by episodes by the whims of the current writers who don't care about continuity.

[omgbookjunkielovetodance]

Hold up I love reading so I got a few,

Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao:

scifi fantasy, inspired by a lot of traditional chinese elements, (authors super cool), love triangle but actually a triangle not that angle shit, definitely has bite

Upright women wanted by Sarah Gailey:

Western, Novella, queer

The Foxhole Court by Nora Skaovic:

Definitely read the trigger warnings for this one, no in your face romance till the third book, Plenty of bite, I personally have brain rot for these characters but I get that not everyone will

Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia

1920's (? I've forgotten tbh), Horror/suspense, super spooky and cool

If we were Villains by ML Rio:

Shakespearean actors get wild in a dark academia type of way

The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee:

A tad more on the hallmark side than the other recs but def not without a bit of nibble to it, 1800's I think dudes go on a trip around europe and shenanigans occur, what shenanigans? I honestly can't remember it's been a while since I read it but I did enjoy it

Neon Gods by Kater Robert:

Personally not one of my favs but they do genuinely fuck and a lot of other folks like it so I added it, Hades/Persephone retelling

Cut and Run by Madeline Urban and Abigail Roux:

Kinda hard to find at the library but if you look up the title and "free" there's a couple websites that have it on there, buddy cop smut sorta deal, one of my fav quick reads (each book is kinda short even though the actual series is pretty long)

Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat:

might wanna look up the trigger warnings for this one as well, rival king 1 got sold to rival king 2 as a slave but king 2 doesn't know and now they have to be sneaky while dodging political plays, also a fav, also could be a good balance for romance but some solid plot

Covenant by explodikid:

Graphic novel, very cool religious themes they play with, everyone is smoking hot

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir:

People call it a romance and kinda? I guess? more scifi/fantasy than anything else, necromancers in space, fantastic read, it's okay if you read it and get confused almost everyone does

Prince of the Sorrows by Kellen Graves:

complicated magic system, heavy romance but not Hallmark style of that makes sense?, kindle unlimited only I think

The Lost Girls by Sonia Hartl:

perhaps a tad more fluffy than the others, a gaggle of vampire exes from one asshole fuckboy vampire band together to kill him, modernish day

A taste of gold and iron by Alexandra Rowland:

10/10 panic attack disorder rep, fantasy prince has to solve a crime that happened in the kingdom with the help of his guard, truly a great read it's on this years top favorite books for me

Plain bad Heroines by Emily M Danforth and Sara Lautman:

biting is in fact part of the story funnily enough, horror, great read, if you're skeeved out by bugs consider skipping it though (I have a massive phobia but I was able to get though it after putting it down a few times)

I do love my queer bitches so most of these are some form of queer couple with a few straights thrown in there. Honestly can't remember which of these have sex in them and which don't so I hope you're ready for a surprise.

lowkey i think i do wanna get more into the romance genre but like i sorta cant stand the softer hallmarkier stuff even if its like Queer Lit tm. i need romance that BITES i need romance that FUCKS.

[rip-a-dip-dip-you-potato-chip]

what have I created?

idk if yall like this, but they just exist not i guess :/

ok the the first one is Royalty AU

first things first, when I say Royalty AU, I don't mean the classic shit we've all become accustomed to. Im talking about the good old Chinese royalty! And I want to emphasize that these guys will/should be dressed in century appropriate attire. As someone thats read a handful of 'marinette, princess of china' fics from the ML Fandom, I've noticed a common trend. Marinette wouldn't be in the culturally appropriate clothes, always ballgowns. Not that there's something wrong with it, its just most of if not all these fic are set in China, so I'd expect Chinese royalty to dress as THERE dress code calls for. And since this AU takes place far in the past like, it won't make sense for any of the characters to be in royal clothing that wasn't from there region. I'm not trying to white knight/gatekeeping. Im Guyanese not Chinese. But since JTTW and Monkie Kid take place in China, it's only right. In my opinion that it. You don't have to outright agree with me.

With out of the way, it's time for that good old AU crack

- Wukong is the king of the Flower Fruit kingdom(or a different one if you'd like, again I'm only familiar with what western culture has taught me, but I'll try my hardest) 

- he’s single but rumor has it he used to/still is dating the Vigilante/thief The Six Eared Macaque

- *chants ShadowPeach violently* 

- no one know whether it true or not

- On of his wanders around the kingdom he finds an abandoned baby in a basket. 

- and no shit sherlock it's fucking baby Xiaotian 

- I think we all know where this is going because i'm a simp for Monkey Dad & Monkie Son shenanigans

- Xiaotian becomes prince

Shit, ill be referring to Xiaotian as Mk from now on, I mentioned this before in a fic I wrote for lmk that Mk's a nickname for Xiaotian for some reason- wait i don't have to explain my self to you people!

- Sun loves his son

- MK is treated differently by staff and others because he's not blood related to the king

- no one mistreats MK per say, because there King loved his adopted son, but words are said behind his back

- Sometimes MK hears what’s said, and he feels as if he won't live up to his dad’s legacy.

- He meets Mei during a festival

- Mei is from a noble family, that wouldn't mind if they got a connection into the royal family.

- but it becomes hella clear to Mei’s family very fast that the two are just friends, and will always will be. but hey there daughter is bffs with the prince so that's a plus.       

_

- the Demon Bull Family is rules a kingdom as well, I dont/am not creative enough to think of a name I leave that to you.

- It's a common misconception that DBK is a tyrant, when he’s not. 

- most of the time...

- they have been at war with the Monkey King for some time now and settled for a peace agreement.

- that agreement being there sons to marry

- oooo original i know

- MK and Red Son are roughly the same age, Mk being 20 and RS 22

- RS is revolted/disgusted at the idea of being wed to the Monkey Kings child, even more so when he realizes MK is adopted,

- but, that all changes the second he meets MK while he meets him by accident when he gets kinda lost in the palace when he and his parents go to discuss the arrangements.

- the second he looks at MK, he's instantly in love. MK less so, he's nervous and honestly kinda bummed he's not marrying someone he loves but it's for the good of his ppl, and he'll do anything for them.

- RS isn't even aware that MK is Suns adopted son until MK walks him back to the meeting room.

"Oh There you are MK! I was about to have a servant go fetch you!" Sun Wukong says, gesturing for his boy to come sit with him.

"S-sorry for keeping you waiting I got caught up in my lessons with Mr. Tang" MK responds, sitting next to his father. Red Son looked gobsmacked. The beautiful young man he had bumped into, was the prince of this land? Damn, life truly blessed him. Or cursed him depending on how you looked at it.

- the two are left alone in a separate room for a while.

- And MK straight up tells RS why he's agreeing to this union.

"Look Red Son. I've dreamed about meeting my one true love for a while. And I would give almost anything for that dram to be real. But I wouldn't ever dare give up my people, for as there price they mean more to me. I'm doing this for them, no other reason" MK says, his back straight and hands folded neatly in his lap. The look in his eyes was a mix of sadness, but that was drowned out by loyalty and determination. It just made Red Son fall for him even harder. Clearing his throat Red spoke.

"I understand, for im doing this for the betterment of my people to. But I propose a wager"

"A wager?"

"Yes, if i can make you fall in love with me by years end, before our marriage, we can live together like in the fairy tales from far away. But if I fail, in a years time afterwards you will be permitted to find your own path in life" Red Son stated. MK took a moment to process what was happening.

"So, if you succeed in making me fall in love with you, before our marriage we can live happily ever after?" Red Son nodded in response, letting the younger continue.

"And if I shouldn't fall for you, in a years time after our union, im free to leave?" Red Son nodded once more.

"So, what do you say?"

...

"Deal"

In the end, your free to choose their fate, should Red Son win the hart of Mk? Will he fail? Or will he let him go, and let him travel the country, after all Mk's a free spirit and keeping him trapped in a big house is like keeping a cannery trapped in a cage only for its song, only for it to dul. Or will the unthinkable happen and will both boys find their freedom? together or appart? I don't know, because that's all up to you 😉

personally, I’m partial to where MK and Red Son both find freedom together. Like they straight up run away together to somewhere far away and just live out there lives together. 

this could also be genderbent thing as well. MK or Red as their respective counterparts. Again it doesn't have to be, but it’s whatever bro. im just spitting out the idea. 

Also, there is a main side plot that they fight the WBS throughout the year as well, along with other shenanigans you wanna throw in.

____

The second is a My Hero Academia/BNH/MHA AU

truth be told i'm not a big fan of MHA i think it to over hyped(this is also coming from the same person that’s a Fairy Tail fan lol), and the fandom i don't even know how to describe that mess, but I will admit not the whole of its toxic since every fandom has some toxic members, some even more so. 

I just sometimes find myself enjoying MHA AUs like the Fullmetal Alchemist, Danny Phantom, Evil!Deuk AU and several others. 

to make it clear I don't see this AU taking place the same time as the main plot of the actual Anime/Manga. This could be either like 6-10 years before or after the plot idk bro. But i’ll do this after the main story plot of MHA, so keep that in mind ya? another thing, the gang is still in China, the top hero school in the world just so happens to be in Japan, and it’s only ever mentioned by Sun wukong and other pro heros. So MK never attended AU. in short it’s only ever mention/ reference.  

_

- Mk was considered Quirkless as a kid. 

- he was just a late blumer, i swear  

- Mai’s Quirk is called Dragon. 

- it pretty much works the same way as it does in the show(duh)

- Tang’s got a knowledge Quirk, 

- my man can retain information and he’s basically an archive of information drawback being his personality lol 

- Piggsy is a Animal that gained a Quirk

- in cannon to my current knowledge, there are two other characters that can confirm animals can become sentient. the characters being Fumikage Tokoyami, & Nezu the principal at the school UA.  

- Sandy is just Conner Kent, aka he like superman but can't fly, or shoot lasers from his eyes. And blue.  

I have two scenarios for Macaque and Wukong  

*- The first one is that, Sun Wukong & Macaque are brothers. twins to be exact. 

- they where legit people, but have mutation quirks that made them too like monkeys. 

- the added powers were just a boues. 

- Sun and Mac are close growing up, like there brothers but also best friends.

- the draw back to there quirks could honestly be whatever you want bro idk, same with the others tbh. Personally I like to think Sun just has lack of motivation, and Macaque needs to draw on other people's energy.

- Sun is a hero, Monkey KIng and Mac is a villain Six Eared.

- Sun was always treated has the golden child in the family, Mac always resented that, but there shitty up bring didn’t stop the two from being good brothers to one another.

- soon tho the resentment became hatred when Sun was able to attend UA in Japan, while Mac didn't.

- Mac be angy 

- so he became a villain, and joined the Chinese branch of the LOV(league of villains)

- Sun doesn't know this till he finds out during the all out war during the main story. and by that time he’s a full on hero with is own agency(The Flower Fruit agency)    

- when the hero's ultimately win and Mac is arrested 

- This ultimately hurts Sun a lot, his brother was in jail now, arrested for his involvement and wrong doings, he knew nothing about this! this brother, his blood. A bad guy? why? he hadn't seen his brother since he left for UA, he hadn’t seen him when he came home, and started his agency. 

- this just puts Sun into a funk so he’s not as active as he used to be, and he starts thinking he might need a successor 

*- The second one is that they were two separate people that had similar quirks and both attended UA but Sun ended up in the hero corse. so 1A.

- Both Macaque and Sun have similar quirks, Sun’s is obviously more light based while Macaque’s is more shadow based(this applies to the first one as well)    

- Macaque was placed in class 1B, U.A.’s High's Heroics Department, I believe, you can correct me. 

- In cannon Class 1A and 1B both went to the training camp. I can see the teachers pinning Sun and Macaque against each other to hone their skills. 

- And because of that they become great friends    

- In fact when they graduate they both co-found there hero agency together in China and are a duo.

- But due to Monkey King’s popularity and Six Eared's association with shadows(people sometimes saying he has more of a villains quirk than a heros) the public see’s Macaque as Sun’s sidekick when thats far from the truth. 

- now it’s up to you whether you think that Wukong and Macaque would be in a relationship together, but knowing how cooked we all are, ShadowPeach is a thing here more than likely. 

- If you do or don’t support/ like the ShadowPeach aspect, the two would be living together regardless since its more cost efficient. 

- They my be heroes but living costs are expensive!   

- I would imagine there would have been a huge fight/argument between the two in privet of course, at there home.(or in there shared office if you want the extra angst of the other people they work with hearing them fight)   

- If the two are dating, then this would either lead to an out right breakup, or Macaque just up and leaving with Wukong thinking he’ll come back once he’s cooled off. But after a week, with no sign of his partner, or him answering texts or calls, not even coming into work. Wukong gets worried that something might have happened to him. so there wouldn't be a confirmation if they were still a thing or not. 

- But Wukong remains hopeful, despite the nagging at the back of his head, and gut telling him to go find Macaque, or atleast make a public statement, or even just tell another pro hero about it.   

- on the not so shippy side, Macaque and Wukong still have there argument, and much like the ShadowPeach esc side, Macaque up and leaves, and isn't seen for weeks. the only difference here is that when Wukong comes home one night to there flat, most if not all of Macaques stuff is gone. 

- where as if this was the ShadowPeach side, Macaque leaves all of his possession in the flat he and wukong share. for the simple reason being, he still loves him and wants to go back, but Macaque being Macaque can’t bring himself to do it, especially after seeing just how hurt Wukong looked when he yelled at him just before he left.  

- in other words, ANGST DIALED UP TO A 10 BABY  

- in either case, its a news report that confirms Wukong's suspicions that he desperately didn’t want to believe, and that is Macaque turning into a villain.

- much like if the two were brothers, Wukong just can’t take it and is no longer as active as he once was, and is thinking about, either A) Retirement  B) Saying, “Fuck Society, Be Gay Do Crime” and join Macaque as a villain himself, or C) find a successor, and a way to bring Macaque back to there side, but most importantly, back to him.    

- also extra points if you're after people's hearts and want to make them suffer;  - If there dating, Wukong curle’s up in the bed he and Macaque shared, holding/wearing something of great value to Macaque and just crying himself to sleep, where as Macaque is getting wasted on alcohol, as he stumbles out of the bar he’s in, he either see’s something that reminds him of Wukong or while he’s trying to put his wallet back into his pocket, a photo of them on their first date fall’s out. and Macaque just cries in a nearby alley way. And it’s there where he gets indoctrinated into the League.

       - If there just friends, macaque heads to the nearest forest and just levels it, where as Wukong just gets engrossed into his work, trying not to think about it. you could add you own spin on this, again i'm just spitballing.             

- NOW BACK TO MK! :D     

- Obviously MK is a huge Monkey King fan     

- at Twenty MK has come to terms he's quirkless (HE’S NOT)

-for ANGST reasons MKs fokes kicked him out at this realization at 13.

- he works at Piggsy's Noodle shop, and has been since he was 14.

- don't need a quirk to drive or cook!

- the boy lives a content life with his new family, till DBK happens :D

- DBK runs a Mafia(in conjunction with TLOV) and has been in jail for like 5 years thanks to Monkey King, PIF and RS brake him out one night when MK's out making a late night delivery since Piggsy had the bright idea to go 24/7 service!

- one thing leads to another and Mk somehow manifest what looks like the Monkey King's staff, but its not, it’s MKs powers, it just so happens to be the same power the Monkey King has. And it practically goes down the same way in the pilot. 

- but unlike the pilot Mk and Mei go straight to the FF Agency, after making a panicked call to Pigsy and Tang.

- one way or another Mk are lead into Wukongs office. Mei being forced to stay in the lobby.

- they have there convo, butterfly monkey squishing included.

- "And so, I want you do be my success-" BOOM 💥

- from there they rush downstairs and see that the lobby has been infiltrated by the DB fam, and you know fight.

- once the DB family seems like there down, PIF wisks them away. Much to Monkey King’s displeasure.

From there stuff kind plays out like cannon, the calabash ep is just a conjoint quirk the Demon bros have. As for EP9, ill have to script that one out myself lol. I'll get onto it as soon as my will to commit stabs me in the face. Till then have a dancing Kermit the frog.

Now if you'll excuse me, am about to Kermit a felony :D

(For legal reasons thats a joke)

Psst @writingamongther0ses its done

[silentglow88]

I'm sorry ok. I don't read the novel as you've noticed so my theories can be go down the trash *goes in the trashbin and collects them for future ideas*

He has a sister?! (Listen, isn't that clothing the same thing he's been wearing since we first saw him? Was he also going to a cosplay center or something? I just noticed that now)

Did this happen in November?? Almost everyone is in a costume when we first see them. Oh wait, they're items. *Knocks on head*

OMG She looks just like him how cute!!!!!!!!!!! Just remove the twin tails and you have a younger version of the original ML 🥰

But how did she survive the first round? Did she kill her pet fish or something??? Where are her parents???

Hmmm... Their genes must be amazing. The perception of ugly is different in all works of writing and even in real life.

Did you know that being chubby is considered beautiful (in some foreign country I can't remember) but here, we have different kinds of "beautiful" in physical attraction.

Boys like:

light colored skin, straight long hair, small lips, singkit (the ones with slanted eyes) These people are called "Chinita"

(and warning: these aren't really foreigners there are actual people in my country that look like this.)

Morena colored skin, curly hair or straight hair don't matter, with big eyes and lips.

Dark colored skin, short and curly hair, with lots of tattoos, big eyes, lips don't particularly matter (when you go to the provinces in the mountain, this is usually what you see with the locals, but this doesn't apply to all mountain provinces)

Etc. I'm lazy

Girls like:

Simple. Tall, Dark/White, Handsome, Rich :)

Chinito (check the first of Boy's like)

Smart XD

As you may have noticed, boys don't get much physical traits because when the girls talk, it's either about the attitude, the brains, and the money XD But I've met some that like Korean looking boys.

I sometimes hang out and obtain info about anime from the boys (I got none, I already knew it all) so it was kinda easy to figure out what they like. (The weirdest one was the guy who liked girls who keep on blinking :P)

Actually no, he's still good. The weirdest one was the one who wanted to get a massage (also ugly, OLD, and dumb) from me ugh. Fortunately, I have high level of ignorance and sassyness (if that's a word)

Huh?

Wait what?

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH brush your teeth afterwards ok? 😱

To get things easier, you sometimes need to be too smart.... Or too dumb for anyone to think about it 😂

So which do you prefer to get hit by?

YJH Kick?

Or KDJ's Punch?

[bangtancentricsblog]

hell hath no fury

↳ they say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned God was not an exception

❒ pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

❒ genre: angst, some fluff maybe, re-imagined bible story

❒ alternative universe: biblical, modern, married

❒ rating: NC 17

❒ word count: 2.8 k

warnings/disclosures: this isn't meant to mock religion or anything so please don't see it that way!, a whole lot of other gods/goddesses that i don't know enough about but decided to use for this fic, LUCIFER JUNGKOOK, GOD MC, APHRODITE SEOKJIN, BES YOONGI, MICHAEL TAEHYUNG, talks of war, Jungkook and MC have a daughter, they talk in circles lmao, mc doesn't let things go….nothing too bad though so i hope you enjoy it…..

main ml • AO3

It’s bright, so uncomfortably bright. Jungkook likes to think that maybe the white monotone and the open concept of the living room isn't because you held onto that disgusting idea of purity. To be honest he’s absolutely positive you’ve never known purity in your life, but he’s not one to judge. He’s not quite sure why he’s here but he supposed it's a good sign when his wife finally decides she wants to see him, especially of her own volition. There’s something about the solitude of your house that makes his skin tingle almost as if one of his brothers were near. Though one can never be certain when it comes to you, especially considering those horny bastards had been after you way before you two had even gotten married.

His leg has begun to bounce, a nervous tick he picked up from one of his human friends, but to say he’s nervous is a long shot. In truth he’s excited, the last time he’d seen you was during the wildfires of 2017 and that already seemed so long ago. Sure he’d caused it but what other choice did he really have? It’s not everyday one so easily gets to see their wife, especially one who has gone out of her way to make it known that although they were indeed still married they were in fact separated. He sighs heavily, manspreading while leaning his head against the back of the couch, he can’t wait, he thinks allowing his eyes to flutter closed.

*

Jin stares at you, eyes half lidded the way they always are when he can smell the love in the air. Though it's not just in the air, the scent of love has heavily wrapped itself to your being like a second skin and he finds that not for the first time he wants to know who exactly had such an effect on you. His cheek rests in his open palm, his stare taking in every bit of you in search of a possible answer, but alas he can’t seem to find a crack in your hand crafted mask. The garden you sit in is like that of a fairytale, Jin would know he’s read his fair share, but he digresses, he’s not quite sure why he’s here though. Sure he loved having tea with you but recently something had changed and when the goddess of love and beauty says he wished he could have tea with you in a beautiful garden he hadn’t expected you to make one in mere seconds. Surely something had to be wrong for you to build an entire garden just to appease his whims.

“____, honey, is there something you wanted to talk about?” he asks, eyes still trained on your face, still searching.

“I’m not sure what you mean Aphrodite, can’t I simply want to have tea with you?”

“You would never take me for a fool, just as I would never dream to take you for one. So I’ll ask once more and you know I don't usually ask love. Is there something you wanted to talk about?” he waits, his nose twitching as the beautiful sweet fragrance of love so unique to you is tainted by the bitter scent of smoke and iron. He wants to gag but he won’t because it seems your little mask has begun to crumble unknowingly.

“I’ve summoned my husband.” you whisper cupping the teacup in both hands. He doesn’t mean to gasp, it just slips out the seams of his lips. He knows of all the things your husband has done and he knows that they hurt you deeply, even now.

“What can I do to help?” he asks instead of ‘Do you want my husband to beat him up?’

“How do you, I mean how can I, well I'm not too sure honestly.” you chuckle bringing your teacup to your lips and the look in your eyes is far away, one Jin has never had the pleasure of knowing especially in one as young as yourself.

“Honey, you can't force someone to love you, love is something that just is or isn't.” He knows it's cryptic and yeah all the old gods spoke in riddles like this but he knows you, and he knows you’ll understand.

“I hate riddles, you old gods should keep up with the times.” you say, and suddenly he’s reminded of Bes who despite being slightly younger than him is much more in tune with the ways of humans and the current ruling god. His brows twitch, the smooth expanse of his unwrinkled face twisting as he feels the words slide onto his tongue, “You should talk to Yoongi then, he seems like a better candidate than this old goddess.” Your laughter fills the air, a sound so joyous that the garden around him seems to grow bigger and brighter. Oh, he thinks as he watches the garden evolve past anything he can imagine. Mortals were so dumb to think that a man could do anything much less create all that they have, even now as you sit before him he’s completely in awe of your true powers. There’s that scent again, the smell of love but much more different, yours is sweet and warm this one is cool and soothing almost like the scent of rain. It washes over him and mingles with yours twisting up in a way that compliments one other.

He’s turning his gaze away from you in search of the scent and finds himself staring straight at Lucifer. It’s not a surprise really, he knew that Lucifer was handsome, dare he say rivailed the looks of many of his friends and yet he was a different kind of handsome. Though right now he finds himself equal parts intrigued and disgusted because there was no way this was your husband.

*

Jungkook is roused from his nap by the sound of laughter, more accurately your laughter. It's such a sweet sound, he can't help but feel slightly upset that you sound so happy giggling up a storm with someone that isn't him. He knows the difference between your laugh, can easily tell, before you’d decided to separate he’d spent the better part of 7 millenia with you. He can see the way the shrubbery just outside a window is blooming, the once small buds blossoming into the full grown flowers as your laughter continues. He’s off the couch and following the sound like a bloodhound to a scent, he doesn't remember the cobblestone path nor the fountains of water nymphs that shy away from him as he passes. He doesn’t remember what used to be his home being so vast, the land is green, small rose bushes growing taller and taller into a hedge maze. He’s walking through it blindly, it’s bizarre really, because he’s sure he’d never gone through it before, almost as if it had grown in an instant.

He can see the trees that line the outsides of the hedge maze, can smell the sweet scent of honey suckles hidden from his view. All of these things are new to him but you aren’t one of them. Your laughter has died down to mere gasps and he’s rounding a corner when he finally finds you, though to his surprise it’s not just you. His gaze is quick to fall on Aphrodite, as his aura fluctuates from a soft pink to a dark raspberry his dislike for Jungkook is clear. The sun prickles at the back of his neck as you turn your gaze to meet his, a strange comforting warmth spreads through him. One he is accustomed to, something else he’s missed since you’d forced him from his place by your side. He watches your eyes grow wide as if you’ve just now remembered that you’d summoned him. A slow itch finds its way to his palms, he has to clench his fists to get rid of the sensation, blunt fingernails digging into the skin. He hides the slight wince well face falling into one of indifference as you continue to gaze at him.

“I’ll take my leave now, but I expect to hear from you soon.” Aphrodite says to you smiling in a way that annoys Jungkook. You seem to hesitate to tear your gaze from Jungkook’s, there’s that sparkle he missed, the one that shines brighter than all the galaxies in creation. He knows it sounds like an exaggeration but it’s not, your eyes really do hold stardust and shine just as bright. The breeze carries your scent to him and he takes a deep breath relishing in the indescribable smell, he sighs, fingers twitching at the thought that he’s finally this close to you.

“Wife.” he says.

“Jungkook.” you parrot his tone, but he can see the way your lips twitch in a failed attempt to hide a smile. He can feel his own pull upwards, his cheeks heating the longer you smile at him.

“May I take a seat?” he asks motioning to the chair opposite you. You nod your head gaze trained on his form as he easily closes the distance. The sun shines beautifully off his hair bathing him in a golden glow that makes him just that much more handsome, and it further reminds you just how breathtaking he is.

“How have you been Jungkook?” You ask as he takes a seat, the sun once warm now feels slightly uncomfortable against your skin, the dress you wear doing nothing to protect you from its suddenly harsh rays.

“Could be better, I do rule over hell after all. How about you, how is heaven going for you?” He says, moving to rest his cheek in an open palm.

“It’s going well, the death rate has gone down significantly. Nothing I can really complain about. I would like it if you stopped threatening to stir up trouble though.”

“I do no such thing, if my brothers have lied to you that’s on them. I would also love to not see you flirting with them at family functions.”

“I don’t flirt with them.” You say appalled at the thought.

“You do, you just don’t know you’re doing it.” He laughs taking your hand that rests on the table. His skin is warm against yours, your fingers twitch in his hold as he moves to intertwine them. His eyes are lidded, a soft smile playing at his lips the longer the silence grows. A breeze blows past carrying with it the faintest scent of salt and heat, one that comes to mind when you think of one person. You pull your hand away from his just barely catching the way his face falls at the loss of contact. It makes your heart ache, the loss of contact with him when he’s just returned to your side. But you have to be strong, it was you after all that had chosen to separate.

“Mama!” Your daughter squeals bounding over to you before she throws herself into your hold. Her skin is warm, the scent of salt just that much stronger now that she’s sitting in your lap. Her gaze falls to Jungkook quickly as she squeals again quickly squirming off your lap and towards him.

“Papa, I missed you! Did you miss me?” She asks as he moves to hold her close.

“Papa always misses you, my precious girl.”

“Mama said she had a surprise for me, are you staying over?” She asks excitedly before she begins to play with his fingers comparing her little hand to his.

“I don’t know, what do you think mama?” He asks around a grin that makes your heart flutter and your cheeks heat.

“I think your papa is busy honey. Why don’t you go play with your toys while we finish talking and then we can do something else.” You ask eyes hopeful that she’ll agree easily.

“Okay.” She sighs sliding off his lap but not before she kisses his cheek and bounds off towards the house. Both of you watch her go, gaze reflecting the adoration you hold for her.

“She’s gotten so big, how do you handle her?”

“With a lot of work, look I called you here because for some reason Yoongi has convinced me to try and work things out with you.”

“I’ve always liked Yoongi, he’s a very reasonable god.”

“We have our daughter to think about so I figured we should at least try for her.”

“And what about us?”

“What of it?”

“Are we not going to try and fix our relationship?”

“Jungkook, I know you don’t love me. You’ve proven it many times over and I don't want to force any of my feelings on you.”

“Why do you think that?” He asks, the annoyance is clear as he sticks his tongue into his cheek crossing his arms at his chest.

“You cheated on me, more than once.” You grit out.

“For the last time, it was a misunderstanding. You never let me explain, but of course you wouldn’t because you’re god and you’re always right.”

“I didn’t need to hear a lie about how that minor goddess came to be in our bed.”

“It wouldn’t have been a lie, because I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Just like you did nothing wrong with Lilith?”

“Exactly, Lilith is a liar she wanted to get away from Adam. I had nothing to do with that!”

“Surely you think me a fool.”

“I don’t but I do think you’re being foolish. I have never and will never be unfaithful to you. I love you, even after you cast me out of heaven, even when you refuse to believe me, I love you.” He says so earnestly your heart skips a beat. In his eyes you see nothing but truth, they glitter like they did all those years as if they’d been sprinkled with only the purest of stardust. They’re just as beautiful, just as lethal, but still beautiful and yet there’s something different.

“What aren’t you telling me?” You ask, the lightness in your tone is gone, replaced with something firm, something unyielding.

“What makes you think I’m hiding something, if I’m hiding anything at all.”

“I know you, and you are most definitely hiding something. So what is it?”

“The years have made you cynical, I don’t spend all my time plotting just so I can see you again.”

“Of course not, you spend the rest of your time bedding demons and corrupting the minds of humans.” You laugh a hollow empty sound, it’s unpleasant and makes his stomach twist.

“Must we have this conversation again? We’re talking in circles love, I have not done anything wrong….recently anyways.”

“Jungkook,” you start only to be startled by the appearance of Michael “Taehyung what brings you?”

“Pardon me my lord, I bring news of the human realm.” he says, shooting a glance at Jungkook.

“Tell me.”

“There are whispers of war, amongst the humans and the celestial realms.”

“War is common amongst humans, but higher beings have not been at war for millenia. What has changed?”

“Witnesses have said a serpent has whispered into the ears of many creating tensions between once peaceful beings.” Your gaze falls to Jungkook who sits quietly; his suit lacks any creases, crisp even as his brother delivers this sudden news. He lacks the surprise that one would usually witness when hearing this information.

“You did this.” you whisper resigned to the inevitable fact that he has stirred up trouble yet again but somehow this is worse than anything you could have imagined.

“I might’ve lost sight of the serpent who whispered in Eve’s ear some time ago, however I had no part in this. I am the king of hell, despite how the world sees me I do not relish in the useless spilling of blood human or otherwise.” He breathes picking lint off his sleeve, gaze meeting yours once more. His eyes are ablaze at the mere thought of war especially when he has something he wishes to protect whether you’d want to be protected or not. You and your daughter are his most precious treasures and if this war comes, he will surely die to make sure that the two of you are safe.

“Go to the general, prepare for war and make sure my daughter is safe at all costs.” you speak, and this version of you is the one Jungkook loves the most. The one who easily takes command of her domain, the one and only God.

“I’ll fight with you, I will always fight with you my love.” he reminds you, taking your hand once more, moving to kneel before you as he pledges his life to you again for all eternity in life or death he would be yours.

[365footballorg-blog]

Armchair Analyst: Zlatan's taekwongolazo can't save LA & more from Week 29

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September 16, 20187:35PM EDT

Let’s just get it out of the way at the top: This is absurd:

That goal, the fourth of eight total that were scored on Saturday night in Toronto in TFC’s 5-3 win over the Galaxy, is maybe the greatest goal in MLS history. It’s probably the goal of the year, and the only other contender is Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s first goal, that spectacular 45-yard volley against LAFC in the first ever El Trafico.

It was not enough. Zlatan has 17g/8a in a shade under 1700 minutes, and that hasn’t been enough, either. The Galaxy have spent tens of millions on their roster, and it’s both too much and not enough. Dom Kinnear took charge this week after Sigi Schmid found the door, and that wasn’t enough.

LA are a team in crisis, and a team certain to face another overhaul this offseason, and a team likely to have their fifth new head coach in two years once camp opens in January. I hope Zlatan will be there as well, because he’s been worth the price of admission week after week. Nobody else on the Galaxy can say the same.

The above isn’t precisely true for TFC, who are nonetheless having one of the most disappointing seasons in MLS history. They took a 3-0 lead in this one and looked like they were cruising, then took the foot off the gas and let the Galaxy bring it back to 3-3. Then they found the pedal again with two late goals, and their season is nominally still alive.

But only nominally, because no matter what formation they put out there (they were in a 4-4-2 diamond on Saturday), and no matter how much of the ball they get when all their wonderful attackers are healthy, they still can’t defend.

TFC have shipped 55 goals this year, the same number as Minnesota United. Only San Jose, the Galaxy and Orlando City have been worse.

There is a path to the playoffs for the Reds, who are nine points behind the Impact and with a game in hand. But it’s a path that involves winning at the Red Bulls, at D.C., at Montreal and at home against Atlanta, and it’s a path that involves jumping three teams in the standings. Even if they get Chris Mavinga and Drew Moor back – and we’ve been talking about that particular “if” for four months now so let’s not hold our collective breath – it’s too narrow to traverse unless they score five goals a game.

But they have to score five goals a game, and I think they know it. So what we’re headed for right now: A TFC team with a healthy and motivated Sebastian Giovinco, Jozy Altidore, Victor Vazquez and Jonathan Osorio out there every week trying to drop five. It’s not gonna work, but god I am so here for that.

Runnin’ Down a Dream

As I said, TFC’s charge (if they really do conjure one) isn’t going to work and the biggest reason is because of what Montreal did on Saturday night. It’s conceivable that both New England and D.C. United could flatline and leave the door open for the Reds, but all three teams directly ahead of them in the standings? Nah.

And there’s no mystery here, as what Montreal did is what Montreal does: They sat deep, they got out in space on the counterattack, and they used their dynamism to kill the Union in the open field. I sort of casually dismissed Montreal’s 3-0 win over the Red Bulls two weeks ago, as it was against a RBNY team playing their fifth game in 15 days. I will not make the same mistake of dismissing Saturday night’s 4-1 win over Philly. It was:

A come-from-behind win, and

A multi-goal win

On the road

Against a playoff team

That had been playing well

You could see Philly ease off a little bit when they took a 1-0 lead via Auston Trusty’s header. And you could see them get a little bit sloppy on the ball. And at that point, if you’re on the field, the only thing you can see is Ignacio Piatti running away from you and either creating or scoring a goal (he had a foot in all four Impact tallies and is now the King of Chester).

There is an X-factor these days for Montreal, though – one that didn’t exist in Quebec a month back:

I’m not talking about Saphir Taider, who did a nice job of sniffing out the chance to poach a rebound goal. No, I’m talking about journeyman veteran center forward Quincy Amarikwa, whose rugged work in the attacking third – selfless runs, contesting every header, hold-up play, making opposing CBs feel him for basically the full 90 minutes – has given Montreal a focal point and a bit extra ball security in the attacking third. You can play to his feet, and he can create something.

He can also get out and run on the break with the likes of Piatti and Alejandro Silva, and he draws a ton of fouls, and all of that makes a difference.

“Maybe it doesn’t show directly on the stat sheet but I feel like the guys are learning about me, and through that seeing they’re going to get a lot of opportunities off second chances and second balls,” Amarikwa said to our Dave Zeitlin. “I think Saphir does a great job to follow up my shot. That’s him anticipating it’s going to be on frame … and he’s there to put it away. It’s great to see us come together and figure it out, especially with this run into the playoffs here.”

He’s 30 years old and he’s never been a great finisher, and he’s never going to be a great finisher. But he’s a snug fit for the role Remi Garde is asking him to fill, and through two starts it’s absolutely impossible to quibble with the results.

And the defense is mostly holding up, too (another new arrival, d-mid Micheal Azira, has a lot to do with that). They’ve allowed just a single goal in five of their past six games, and while nobody’s going to confuse them for a versatile, dynamic defensive bunch, they certainly seem to have clarity as to what they’re trying to do, and as of late they’re doing it very well. 

Learning to Fly

Real Salt Lake got let off the hook in a big way on Saturday against Minnesota United, 1) whose 2nd goal was correctly ruled offside, but 2) probably deserved the full three points anyway. They pretty thoroughly dominated RSL in the second half, and only their own lack of finishing (boy they could’ve used a Christian Ramirez-type!) kept it level:

#RSLvMIN xG. The Loons were dominant in the 2nd half and were one offside call from winning. pic.twitter.com/AzWxsFVU0e

— Ben Baer (@BenBaer89) September 16, 2018

Via my colleague Bobby Warshaw: “Damn, RSL. All your fans wanted us to show more respect. This is why were remained hesitant. There’s still a level of naivety to their game, that creates a level of unpredictability. Yeah, they are the team that can be the most fun to watch. But they are also the team most likely to have this weekend happen to them.”

RSL head coach Mike Petke was similarly blunt:

“I’m at a little bit of a loss. In reality I didn’t see this coming and we allowed them to walk out of here with a point. All the good that these players have done in these last three games, with really going for the jugular, we just didn’t seem to have that tonight. We controlled the game still; did well against Quintero which was a main focal point considering how good he is. We didn’t finish them off when we had opportunities and even before that I think our transition was sloppy. We’ll take the point and now we have to find two points on the road, two more points than we were planning on getting.”

That naivety expressed itself via defensive recognition and an overall lack of compactness – i.e., Minnesota actually got more dangerous after subbing out an attacker (Abu Danladi) for a central midfielder (Rasmus Schuller) and starting their attacks deeper. RSL’s backline came out to meet them, the fullbacks in particular played high and a little detached from the rest of the team, and that created the types of gaps or opportunities for overloads that Darwin Quintero et al have feasted upon.

This is a hugely damaging result for the hosts, who desperately need homefield advantage in the Knockout Round. Does anybody think they could go to Seattle or Portland or LA and win a playoff game?

A few more things to ponder…

8. I’m not even sure what to say about D.C. United after the week they had. Somehow they went 1-0 down against Minnesota United on Wednesday, then rallied back for a 2-1 win. Somehow they went one-goal up three times against the Red Bulls on Sunday, but each time squandered the lead – Bradley Wright-Phillips is a legend – en route to a 3-3 draw. 

Do they end the week happy? Well, I’d guess the answer is “kind of,” because they just plowed through the toughest, busiest part of their schedule (six games since August 26), one in which they were missing players via injury and international duty almost constantly, with a 2-2-2 record, which probably falls under “good enough.” They are four points back of the Impact with a game in hand, and are staring at five straight at home, then a trip to Chicago to end the season.

All those games are winnable. The biggest one is the next one, which is almost certain to be the tipping-point game in the Eastern Conference playoff race this season: Montreal’s trip to Audi Field on September 29. 

7. If Colorado’s going to play the diamond, they have to get the basics right. They did not get the basics right in their 3-0 loss to Atlanta United on Saturday:

That basically ended the game, and officially ended Colorado’s season.

6. Columbus went to Frisco and played FC Dallas to a very credible scoreless draw, keeping themselves solidly in fourth place in the East.

Both of these teams have, in theory, another gear they can hit. Dallas haven’t shown it in months, though – they’re just 4-4-3 since July 4 – and Crew SC’s really does only exist “in theory.” Justin Meram’s had his moments since arrival but hasn’t entirely clicked, and on the other wing Pedro Santos continues to get into great spots then fail at turning them into end product.

Columbus have scored 35 goals in 28 games, which is the worst of any team in the playoff hunt.

Two notes from FCD:

Matt Hedges was subbed at halftime with an injury. That’s potentially huge.

Maxi Urruti was good as a No. 10 against San Jose and Houston two weeks ago, but he struggled to find the ball against Columbus, and the few times he did get on it he couldn’t do anything with it.

5. We used to talk about Sporting KC’s goalscoring woes at this time of year, but 2018 is a very, very different time. They went to San Jose and just drilled the Quakes, winning 5-1 via combination play and set pieces and 1v1s and yeah of course this throughball from Felipe Gutierrez is our Pass of the Week:

They have 54 goals through 28 games. That’s their most goals since 1997, when they scored 57 over the course of the entire season.

Sporting are now atop the West, the first time anybody’s jumped ahead of Dallas since mid-June. I feel pretty confident in saying that, for the first time since 2013, they won’t have to go on the road in the Knockout Round.

San Jose’s miserable season beats on, and the fans are calling for changes from the front office on down. It’s understandable.

4. Portland, on the other hand, might end up being out on the road during the Knockout Round as their stop-start form continued on Saturday with a 4-1 loss at Houston. The Timbers got an early lead, then kind of lost their shape, their intensity and their minds – why are you bringing your backline up at Houston? – as the Dynamo put together four unanswered by absorbing pressure, then getting out on the break.

It was a really strange game from Portland, who are now 2-5-1 since their 15-game unbeaten streak came to an end in early August.

Houston, meanwhile, ended their 10-game winless skid. It’s too late to save their season, but this rediscovery of their identity is useful in the week before they host the U.S. Open Cup final against the Union on Sept. 26.

3. Let’s stay on the “home field in the West” theme: LAFC had what should’ve been three points beaten out of them by an, um, physical Revs team in a 1-1 draw in downtown LA on Saturday night:

Effectively disrupted #LAFC, but as a neutral I really didn’t like #NERevs approach to #LAFCvNE. 27 fouls committed, nearly twice many as their #MLS leading 14.4 fouls/gm. Every time one of LAFC’s skill players had the ball in midfield, they were cynically fouled. Tough to watch. pic.twitter.com/Al7YTRQHdI

— #ThankYouDeuce (@JogaBonito_USA) September 16, 2018

It’s easier to destroy than to create, and New England have fully embraced that ethos this year even as they’ve had constant personnel turnover in goal, in defense, in midfield and up top. Truth is they had their chances to win this one, and forced LAFC to scramble like hell over the final 15 minutes of the match.

That the Revs have won just once in their last 11 games, and just five times in the past five months and are still in the hunt for the sixth spot in the East should tell you all you need to know about that race.

LAFC have five straight games in which they should be heavy favorites before finishing the season at Sporting. These were two points dropped, but don’t count them out of that top spot in the West just yet.

2. Don’t count out the Sounders, either! They weren’t great at Vancouver on Saturday night, but they picked up their post-shootout single-season record-extending ninth straight win, taking a 2-1 out of BC Place. They were able to mostly keep the ‘Caps counterattack under wraps – Seattle’s biggest strength is that they tend not to commit bad turnovers – and got some help from a very friendly post.

Seattle are seven points off of SKC’s pace atop the West, but have a game in hand (Wednesday vs. Philly) and the league’s best defense. You could make a case for them finishing atop the conference, and you could make a case for them finishing sixth. The West is a glorious mess and I love it.

1. Chicago came back from Munich and ended their nine-game winless skid with Sunday evening’s 4-0 stroll past Orlando City, who’ve now taken 5 of the last 57 points available to them.

The Purple Lions have now conceded 66 goals on the season. The league record for defensive futility is 70, set by last year’s Minnesota United expansion side.

And let’s bring it back to the top for a bonus Face of the Week, courtesy of the one and only Zlatan…

Usually other players quickly back down from confrontations with Zlatan, and he became quite angry when Michael Bradley refused to be intimidated.

Fascinating interchange between two extremely intense characters. I’d love for that to be mic’d up!#TORvLA #TFCLive #LAGalaxy #MLS pic.twitter.com/tJ8LE1ftyx

— #ThankYouDeuce (@JogaBonito_USA) September 16, 2018

They were, in fact, mic’d up after the game. Bradley said “I’m not worried about perfect. I’m not worried about Zlatan. I’m worried about three points tonight.”

Zlatan, however, gave us a hell of a quote: “He thinks he’s a philosopher of football. I have more goals than he has [played] games, so he should follow my rules.”

For the record: Bradley has 566 pro games, and Zlatan has 500 goals.

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Armchair Analyst: Zlatan's taekwongolazo can't save LA & more from Week 29 was originally published on 365 Football