#i can't enjoy anything else because of it

[cupcakedieabetes]

Dumpster Baby Part 1

I AM ON A ROLL, I THOUGHT OF THIS AND LOVED WHAT MY HEAD PRODUCED, SO I DECIDED TO WRITE IT OUT IN WORDS SO I DON’T FORGET IT! This is going to be long so sit back and enjoy.

This story is inspired by this, and I love it. Thanks @emacrow for letting me use your story as an inspo!!!!

Tw: mentions of csa/child trafficking, mentions of child death, child abandonment, neglect, etc

Hector blew out his cigarette, bored out of his mind as he's manning the cash register currently.

There was no customers, so nobody was going to complain if he was smoking in the store, right?

Then, the door to his store opened with a bang. He fingered the gun under his counter, looking towards the door, only to find a young man looking harried, half-naked and bloodied. His shirt in a bundle, and seemed to be originating from there.

"B-B-BABY! I found a baby in the dumpster!" The poor kid stuttered, his face full of tears as he stared horrifiedly.

Hector took one glance and realised the kid was telling the truth. He took a puff of his cigarette, inhaling it slowly before he exhaled it exhaustively.

"Kid, you must be new in Gotham. Dumpster babies aren’t all that rare in Gotham. Gotham's a complete shithole. If you can't even feed yourself, how can you feed another?" Hector told the kid harshly. The kid held the baby tightly.

"B-but.."

"It's reality in Gotham. Go put back the baby where you found it. In a place where child trafficking and prostitution and such are common, it's best to let it die. It's the greatest mercy you can give it."

The kid became eerily calm and quiet. Hector noticed that his hiccups from sobbing had just gone entirely silent. Then his form starts to glitch as if whatever made him keep his form was struggling to retain itself.

"Ņ̴͉͖̄͐̊͐͒̽̆͗́̅̾̈́̾ǫ̵͈̠̱̱̯̹̳̜̓́͊̚t̶̢̛̛̤̰̦̜̙̲̪̺̬̉̇̍̃̏͐̽̂͊͋̕̕ ̵̡̑͑̏i̷̡̢̡̨̛̦͚̱̝͓̰͈̞̭͔͚̇̑͊̏͊͜f̷̡͔̫̭͉̳͖̰͈͒̌͒̽̔̈̔͋̋͐́́̎̓̑͆ ̸̨̢̟͕͕̫̬̱͍̙̻͉̈́́̐͜I̷̛͕̟̻͗̒̂͌̔͆̾̑̃͘͜͠͝ ̴̨̼͉̘͚̹̙̥̟̀̈͌̑̎́͑̓̉̈́͑̆̑͘̚c̴̣͙̖͙͙̜̠̩̟͍͉̤̮͚͖͉̒̉̾̽̈́̀̒͆͊͛̽͐̂̚͘͝͝a̶̲̤̼͒̒͒̔̌̈́̇͌͝n̷̡̙̻̈́̂̀̈̓̀̄̊̐͆͘͠ ̵̨͔̼̤̮̍̌h̶̬̝̫͖͚̰̹̲̮̮̬͓̙͔̆̈̓̅̑͊͐̆̍͌͘͜͜ȩ̷̳͖̹͓̞̬̟̥̼͎̰͇̑̅͑̽̔̅͆͂̑̏͝l̶͚̜͔̮̯̼̝̿͜p̷̳̯̦͓͔̩͕̈́̀̆́́͑̄̈́̕��͔ ̸̦̏̂̍̉͗͂͗̂͂́̉̚͝ȋ̶̛͕̠̟̦̈́̏̾̾͊͑̂͠t̸̡̡̡̛̼̺͚̜͖̫̼̲̪̫̗̜̓̒̿̾͂́̊̃͜͜.̷̡̛͚̱̫̰͕̳͖͙̾̀̓̓̀̈́̓͑́̾̚͠ͅ "

And without a trace, the kid and the baby disappeared, leaving nothing but the memories.

Hector stared at the place where the kid was once was, putting out his cigarette to rub his face tiredly.

What has he just done?

__________________________________________________________

Danny stared at the baby as he flew back into his hotel room. He had only gone to Gotham because he was initially visiting the Capital Crime City to scout out a new place for Jazz, who was planning to move here for residency at Arkham.

He decided to volunteer to scout ahead bc why would he be scared of crime when he's already dead?

But how did he get to this?

The baby girl mewled in his arms, still red and wrinkled, with their umbilical cord still attached. She was wrapped up in his shirt, having been found naked in a trash bag in a dumpster.

While walking past an alleyway, he heard something in the trash. And something else. So he decided to investigate. He was flying invisibly in ghost form, so there was no way anything would injure him.

So he opened the dumpster lid and saw a suspicious trashbag. In it was a newborn baby girl.

He bawled his eyes right out there bc he couldn't fathom why anyone would just abandon a baby in the dumpster. According to Jazz, multiple baby boxes were scattered across the city, a helpline was available for scared mothers/mothers-to-be, and many other options exist to prevent this.

It was cruel to the baby, but it was also cruel to the mother too. He only realised this according to what the man said. Gotham was a shithole. Who knows if your baby will end up being in the worst position ever, and if you don't have the resources, it's best to kill it to give them mercy. It was the only thing one can do when they're powerless. The best and only gift you could give to your child.

He lay on the bed with the baby sleeping on his chest. He was skin-to-skin with the baby as she was so cold to touch that he raised his own temperature despite the discomfort, as he was naturally cold.

And despite the discomfort, his core purred at having fulfilled his Obsession with Protecting.

She wiggled in his arms, and then a dawning thought of horror came to his mind. She wasn't the only baby that was abandoned, was she?

He carefully got up slowly, ensuring the baby wasn't woken up by the movement. She had a big day today; she should get a lot of sleep.

He placed her on the hotel bed and, for the first time, used his power as King to enact an order.

Protect the abandoned children. If nobody wants them, then he'll take them. One man's trash is another man's treasure, and he shall treat them like they deserve to.

Aw, he would have to get a place for them, wouldn't he?

He gave the baby girl a name to start her new life: Portia.

Then, he found another child who was abandoned by his parents. They neglected and beat him, so wouldn't he be considered abandoned? The boy willingly went when Danny offered Bennett, or Benny, to take him away. He was only 5.

Then the two became four when he found twin children all dirty and covered in dirt, sleeping under a cardboard box as they shared a ratty blanket. Blake and Harper were 10.

He got some Ghosts to help, like Lunch Lady, who loved cooking for those old enough to eat solids. She went all out cooking nutritious food for starving children.

He found a good enough warehouse and took it over from a drug den, which he got rid of. He then began renovating to make it a habitable place for the children.

But sometimes, it felt like he didn't have enough hands to hold them all.

But he was moldable. He could shapeshift into anything he can of his own will.

He grew many hands to carry them. He could hold his new children in his arms.

Four became Eight, then Eight became Thirteen. Thirteen became Twenty.

He wasn't big enough, so he grew and grew. They could all ride on his back together so there would be no fighting.

He didn't have enough eyes, so thinking of how to better observe, his mind suddenly thought of the Observants and how they're basically just eyeballs.

With duplication, he only just duplicates his eyes and lets them float around. Then, he could see e̷̩͈̙̘̗̅̽̾̎̑̉̇̈́͋͋̐͘̕͝v̷̤͙͈̓̂̽ë̸̡̠̩̠̠̟͍̭͙͈̫́̈́ͅr̵̢̨̻̩̰̼̝̞̙̜͙̈́̈́̉̌̾̀͊͊̚y̸̢̧̪̯͕̼̘̗̦͚̙̱̳̙̪͓̍͂̂̽̉̋̀̈́̔̓͝t̶̟̱̽̄́̉̈́̿̍͒̑̓͂͠͝ḩ̴̣̲̬̤͇͍̞̺̥͉̔̓̓̐̄̐̋́͘͜ͅì̴̳̳̭͆͗̈́̒̆̀͒̆̄̕͝͝ņ̸̛͍̳̣̦̲͔̼̝̪̲̗̩̤͋̈̾ͅģ̴̛̼̥̫̰̻͑̑̍͋́͂͌̎̎̈́̈́̏͒͆͠͠.

Despite this form, no children had ever been scared of him. His core would always rumble with protection, so they instinctively knew they were safe with him.

Twenty became Twenty-Three, then Twenty-Seven. Then Thirty-Two.

He loved it. He could make a difference. Even the children who weren't his would come running to him for protection. He would feed them and care for them like his own before sending them off to their parents, who actually cared for them.

He couldn't stop those who stayed before going back out. He did offer to take them in as his children, but some had refused, as they've always been independent.

But at least they would always have a place to go to.

[generallemarc]

"You have to listen to my opinions on [issue], or else you don't care about [issue]. (Constantly talks about how people like you are the absolute worst.)"

Anything that's functionally like, "you have to let me tear you down over things you can't control or you're a bad person."

Anything that's functionally like, "you have to let me vent to you whenever and however I want or else you're a bad person."

"If you enjoy X media/trope, you just hate Y people."

"Everyone knows that X thing is harmful/hateful; if you engaged in it, it's just because you were fine with perpetuating hate/harm."

"You should have just known better/should know this already!"

See, I don't see any of this as "moral OCD", I see it as just "having morals", with almost all of them also being "not letting other people treat you like shit" which is something you should always practice. Yes, that includes y'all mf's like me who're retarded in the medical sense(instead of just the being-on-tumblr sense) who have depression/self-worth issues; we're starting from zero in our teen/adult years, but that just means we have to put in the legwork to build ourselves up consciously, and that means learning not to needlessly take this kind of crap from people. You have the exact same inherent worth as they do, as anyone does, and they need to learn to respect that if they want you to continue to interact with them.

"Saw traps for people with moral OCD" is a phrase that has embedded myself into my brain because, well, Saw traps for people with moral OCD are everywhere.

Stuff that basically amounts to...

"You have to listen to my opinions on [issue], or else you don't care about [issue]. (Constantly talks about how people like you are the absolute worst.)"

Anything that's functionally like, "you have to let me tear you down over things you can't control or you're a bad person."

Anything that's functionally like, "you have to let me vent to you whenever and however I want or else you're a bad person."

"If you enjoy X media/trope, you just hate Y people."

"Everyone knows that X thing is harmful/hateful; if you engaged in it, it's just because you were fine with perpetuating hate/harm."

"You should have just known better/should know this already!"

This thread over here talks about the inherent issues of putting this kind of stuff out there. The TL;DR is that it really only works on people who are mentally unwell and have poor boundaries, while just pissing off everyone else. It really doesn't matter if you're technically correct; you're still attacking people, and that means they're not wrong to block you.

I think that many of these Saw traps are created when people effectively write posts directed toward people who don't want to help, rather than the ones who do. Like, if you catch yourself writing an angry, shame-laden post, ask yourself: who are you writing it for and what are the odds you're going to change their minds? If your mental image is some smug fuck or angry reactionary, you're writing for the wrong person. Write for the person who's curious, who's willing to learn.

Also? Work on figuring out how to transmute negative feelings into positive, encouraging rhetoric. EG:

"Why is there no X positivity?" -> "Let's hear it for X!"

"No one cares about Y problem!" -> "Hey, we need more recognition of Y problem" or "I haven't seen many people talking about Y problem, so here's some info on what's up."

"If you don't reblog this, you don't care about [group]" -> "Please reblog this, it would mean a lot for us [group]."

And if you're really super duper frustrated and want to vent with a lot of nasty words and sentiments? Consider taking it to a private vent channel or a journal or somewhere that a stranger with moral OCD/scrupulosity isn't likely to run across it.

Remember, most people don't want to hurt anyone. More people are ignorant than malicious. People naturally want to do the right thing, so if you feel like you have to guilt them or shame them into it, there's probably a fundamental communication issue somewhere, or they simply lack the context to understand why what you're saying is so important.

[olderthannetfic]

Hi OTNF and everyone,

I am finding that it's harder and harder and harder to get into anything - book, show, movie... most things seem, you know, to just not be doing it for me, be it fanfic or original stuff.

In part, I think, it's a general restlessness and that it's become harder to give anything enough time to get into the stories, the characters, the settings, the narrative voices... I guess you can call it attention deficit on my part, just a need for stories to deliver those sweet, sweet hits quickly, but they're not.

I'm not currently ficcing but I did for years (might again in the future, who knows), and it's made reading, specifically, harder. It's like I've become more aware of what goes on behind the scene, I guess? I feel like I can see the writer giving up on a sentence, skipping a scene because fuck this, trying hard to not repeat a word although it's the only one that fits, etc.

Or maybe it's just the *everything* around us in the world that is weighing on me too much? I could say it's adult life, but then again I have more free time than most (and boy do I need hours of doing nothing to survive the other hours), and no family/partner (all that would put even more pressure on me): what is wrong, to make everything so UGHHH?

I feel like I'm stuck in a rut with a brain moaning feed me, feeeed me, and whatever I try to give it, it spits everything out. (Yes, I've tried hobbies, and nothing sticks there either. I've never really found rewards or satisfaction there, so...)

Decades ago as a kid, I was a voracious reader, although studying literature took the pleasure of it away from me. It took time and discovering fanfic that brought me back to reading, but at the time the internet was starting to be a thing, too, and it can't have helped the attention thing. AFAIK I'm not ADHD but then again, I couldn't get a proper diagnosis (the therapists I saw were either dismissive or just about The Talking, which was pointless for me).

I just wonder how it all disappeared, you know? Sometimes I find something that catches my attention for a while - a book (but I read quite quickly when motivated), a fandom... but it's been a while now, and it's just so frustrating! When is it going to come back? Will it ever? *gulp*

I know that books were escapism when I was a child, and then fandom was escapism, but at the moment I find myself grabbing at air and my empty hands are mocking me. Give me my escapism baaaaack!

So, uh. Anyone here with me?

--

Yes.

I felt like that during part of lockdown. Anhedonia is common in those kinds of circumstances.

Getting your mojo back is certainly possible, but you may need to go see a professional about depression and have some chemical assistance (yes, even if you don't feel sad per se), or you may need to change your lifestyle to one that doesn't have the thing causing you to need eleventy billion hours of downtime.

Aside from serious interventions like that, you can consider a social media detox. Remove every source of doomscrolling and time wasting of that type. When the attention span is zero and nothing brings joy, the tiny and useless hits from finishing a game of solitaire or seeing one more instagram post become very attractive. This is a trap. It will suck what little energy and joy you have and make your muscles flabby for the work of getting into an in-depth book/hobby/experience.

I know the feeling of being able to see how the sausage is made, but... well... first, being in a better mental state will make that matter less, and second, reading prose that is more competent will make that less of an issue. A lot of mainstream tradpub genre fiction is not, in my opinion, very well written these days. Obviously, people are still enjoying it, and that's fine, but if you're noticing writers fumbling around, it might be time to check out some literary fiction or some other category known more for prose quality than anything else.

It's also important to have some structure and some things to look forward to. Even if you feel tired, overwhelmed, and busy, sometimes, the answer is to do more... But it must be things that are distinct and significant and that get you off of the couch, like going to one museum every weekend.

I saw some advice once about this kind of thing that phrased it as "One big adventure; one small adventure."

Every week, you should have those two things to look forward to that matter. Check out a new coffee shop. That could be the small one. Go to an event: a gallery opening, a concert, whatever.

Physical exercise and doing some things that aren't as verbal and conscious thought-involving is important too. Painting is a better hobby for zoning out than writing is. Taking long walks in nature is good for most people.

--

The kind of intense, obsessive love I had for reading as a child and that I sometimes have for fandom requires a lot of attention and some time. It's escapist, but that masks how much work it actually was. It didn't feel like work only because we were in training.

If you've filled your brain and your day up with a thousand petty annoyances or minor and useless attempts to feel something, you won't have the capacity for those deeper things.

Because you are already at a point that's equivalent to a bad sprained ankle, trying to get back to running right now won't work. You have to stay off of the ankle for a bit, then build your strength and stamina back up.

[isagispuzzle]

Hihi, congrats on 200 followers!! I'm a relatively new follower, and im absolutely OBSESSED with your writing (speaking of which, I apologize if I have been spam liking. I try not to but damn I really need your work injected into my brain or something)

Anyways, could I request childhood friends to lovers for your event? I don't know how or why but one day something just clicked in my brain and it's been my favorite troupe for years

thank you so much for your support!! i love it when people spam like my stuff because i just imagine someone sitting down to read what i've written, and it makes me so happy to know my writing is letting someone enjoy a few minutes of their day hehe, i hope you'll enjoy this little piece too!

itoshi rin is bad news. at least, that's what your classmates tell you in the stands of the u-20 match.

even though you've known him since he was barely a metre tall, it's the first time you've seen him like this. rin is darting across the field with crazed eyes and his tongue out, engulfed by a desperation that puts the despair he felt on the night sae came home to shame.

you can't jump to his defence this time, though. ever since you were kids, rin would smash his toys together so hard the plastic crumbled in his hands and tell you how and when he wants to die, although kids that age have barely started to think about living. so you keep your mouth shut but your heart hopeful, because despite his destructive tendencies, rin is still your friend, and deep in his eyes, you still see his seven year old self.

it's hard not to blame sae for this. you know how much rin respected his brother when they were younger, but you also know how their relationship soured, at least on rin's side of the story. you tamp down the resentment. no matter how much blame you want to throw around, it doesn't change that what rin needs is reprieve.

days later when rin hugs you at the dock, he thanks you. it's rare for a sixteen year old boy to speak so vulnerably, what's more if said teenage boy is itoshi rin, so you listen silently, lest the moment breaks.

rin doesn't elaborate further, but he hopes his heart gets through to you. he hopes you know how grateful he is for your tenderness, even when he's anything but. he hopes you continue to welcome him into your arms and trace featherlight circles on his back, and hopes you continue to come to his matches and never look away no matter what ugly side of him comes out on the field. he hopes you know how terrified he is right now, placing his heart in your palms and his neck to your blade.

it's only when rin feels your fingers in his hair that he realises he's mistaken. you've never held a knife to his pulse. instead, you give him your toys when he breaks his, you bring your friends to amplify your cheers for him in the crowd, and you're the one with your heart in his cold, calloused hands.

you've always been the salvation to his destruction, and unlike everything else he's ever laid his hands on, rin swears to never break your heart.

[ignis-sama]

For my canon self (I mean Yotsuyu)

Gluttony

Lychee (Rokakaka and spicy food too, but he absolutely loves lychee)

2. Rokakacake (yes, you read that right), anything spicy and, obviously, lychee

3. If it's lychee, don't count on him to share it. If it's anything else, he'd let others have it.

4. He doesn't eat a lot.

5. He doesn't care about food that much.

6. Only 1

7. Cherry coke (obviously) and tea

8. Tomoki gives him silicon-infused water. Whether or not Yotsuyu actually drinks it is up to interpretation.

9. Cherry coke... just the thought of it makes him drool.

10. Let's say he enjoys sake a normal amount.

11. No.

12. Maybe?

Greed

He has a manga collection. Most are horror-related (Junji Ito, Shintaro Kago, Usamaru Furuya, ...)

2. No.

3. His job is rather well paid so his financial situation would be considered good.

4. His species don't really care about money (Damo's an exception, but well... it's Damo so it's not surprising)

5. Wu manages his account so...

6. He keeps it a secret because Damo tends to steal money from him.

7. He sometimes goes to the mall with Mitsuba so they can buy stuff for their respective partners. No need to say they always end up carrying bags full of various things (clothes, food, drinks, books, ...)

8. No.

9. Possibly.

10. Would he steal money? No. Would he steal a victim from Damo? Absolutely.

Wrath

cw: sh & sa mention

Only if it's someone he'd really enjoy to make suffer.

2. He doesn't show when he's angry but tends to harm himself a lot, saying it's not that bad since he can't feel pain. If he's really furious, only Tomoki's able to calm him down.

3. Karma? Pff, he believes in calamity and nature. If nature wants to get rid of someone, good or evil, it'll do it.

4. He doesn't like to fight. His methods are more... elaborated.

5. He becomes extremely violent if someone tries to sexually assault him just to "see what's in his pants".

6. Depends on his mood.

7. He makes people suffer for fun, yes.

8. None.

9. Oh, he killed a lot of people.

10. He's a huge sadist. In fact, he's even worse than Damo.

Pride

No.

2. Architecture, obviously, and tormenting humans.

3. No, but only because he doesn't understand human morals.

4. Only with people he likes.

5. If he hurts someone he doesn't like, or even know, he doesn't feel remorse. Rock humans are sociopaths after all.

6. No.

7. He doesn't like to brag.

8. He looks down on humans because they're humans. To him, rock humans will always be better.

Sloth

He doesn't feel lazy, only tired when he's about to start hibernating.

2. No.

3. If it counts : washing Damo's clothes. Couldn't he do it himself?

4. His hibernation period often lasts a month, though he sometimes has to sleep longer.

5. He's a perfectionist so...

6. Depends on his mood and whether his boyfriend's at home.

7. Indifferent

8. He's not the type to complain anyway...

9. Non applicable (he hibernates)

Envy

If someone tries to steal his boyfriend from him, he turns Yukako-mode.

2. Tomoki belongs to him and him alone.

3. No

Lust

Tomoki and him often enjoy intimate moments together, mostly after work when they're both home.

2. Gay and demisexual

3. He's extremely kinky. Between oculolinctus, choking, eye penetration, dollification and medical play, he wouldn't be able to choose his favorite.

4. He doesn't care about words. With how silent he is in the bed...

5. He's unable to (the rock boy has no genitalia, y'see?)

6. Low

7. If his partner doesn't want to have sex, he'd understand. He's not the kind to ask for it anyway.

8. He actively avoids talking about it. To him, it's a human thing he'd never be able to understand.

9. His first time was with Wu Tomoki, when they started dating. Yotsuyu was extremely nervous but it went well.

seven deadly sins headcanons

because i'm tired of sinday memes being all about sex. send a category + a number. warning: some of the questions in the lust section are nsft. that's why it's at the bottom.

gluttony - - -

what could your muse eat all the time without ever getting tired of it?

a feast of all your muse's favorite foods is laid out in front of them. what's on the menu?

is your muse the type to leave the last bit of food for someone else, or to take it for themselves before someone else can claim it?

does your muse frequently overeat?

does your muse go back for seconds? thirds? fourths?

how many meals and snacks does your muse eat in a day?

what are your muse's go-to beverages?

does your muse drink enough water?

does your muse drink many sugary drinks, like soda or juice?

is your muse a heavy (alcohol) drinker? if so, what do they drink? in what situations do they drink? do they know their limits? do they stop at their limit, or go past it?

is your muse addicted to caffeine? if so, what is their preferred caffeinated beverage?

does your muse have a sweet tooth?

greed - - -

what does your muse collect, if anything?

is your muse prone to hoarding anything?

what is your muse's financial situation? what are their financial goals?

is money important to your muse? why or why not?

how much money does your muse keep in their checking account at any given time? if your muse keeps cash, how much do they usually have in their wallet? does your muse carry coins around? what is the limit on their credit card, if they have one? do they have multiple credit cards?

does your muse have good savings habits? how much do they currently have saved up?

is your muse prone to shopping sprees? if so, what do they usually indulge in buying?

is your muse in debt? if so, are they managing it well, or are they struggling?

would your muse throw others under the bus/step on others if it meant they could find more success/make more money?

would your muse steal anything?

wrath - - -

does your muse like to get revenge on those they feel have wronged them?

how does your muse handle anger? do they have anger issues? how do they manage or vent their anger?

does your muse believe in karma?

did your muse get into fights as a kid? do they get into fights as an adult? if your muse never got into fights before, would they in the name of self defense?

what, if anything, provokes your muse to violence?

does your muse believe that violence can solve some problems? or are they more a "violence is never the answer" type? somewhere in-between?

does your muse destroy things for fun, or to let off steam?

was your muse a bully? or were they bullied themselves?

has your muse ever considered murdering someone? or have they actually gone through with murdering someone?

does your muse enjoy hurting others, whether it be physically or emotionally?

pride - - -

does your muse believe they are the best at everything, even if that belief is unwarranted?

in what areas might your muse be a little overconfident? are they overconfident in the sense that they don't have the skills to back it up, or in the sense that they do have the skills but they are obnoxious in their confidence?

does your muse accept responsibility for their actions when they have done something wrong?

is your muse comfortable with apologizing to others?

does your muse feel remorse? if so, how do they express it?

has your muse every blown off preparing for something because they were confident they could complete the task without preparation? if so, what was the situation?

is your muse prone to bragging? what do they brag about?

does your muse look down on others they perceive as being "not as good" at things as they are?

sloth - - -

on what day(s) does your muse feel most lazy? at a specific time of day, or all day?

is your muse prone to procrastination?

what chores/responsibilities does your muse avoid doing at all costs?

how many hours of sleep does your muse get? do they feel rested after, or are they still tired?

once your muse gets started doing something important, do they drag their feet, take many breaks, and ultimately prolong the task? or do they work as quickly as possible, at the sacrifice of a quality job? or do they work efficiently without sacrificing quality?

does your muse put on real clothes every day, or only if they have to go out?

if your muse could get away with wearing pajamas all day every day, would they?

does your muse complain about responsibilities a lot?

is your muse the type to get up on time on their own or with an alarm? are they the type to hit snooze over and over?

envy - - -

does your muse get jealous easily, or does it take a lot for them to feel it?

what kinds of things does your muse get jealous about?

does your muse compare themselves to others often? if so, how does it affect them?

lust - - -

is your muse sexually active? if so, how often do they have sex? how many partners do they typically have at one time? if not, why not?

what is your muse's sexuality? if asexual, are they sex favorable, sex indifferent, or sex repulsed?

is your muse vanilla, or are they kinky? if kinky, what are their top three kinks, and why do they like them? if vanilla, what position(s) does your muse have sex in?

what sex-related words turn your muse on? what words make them cringe?

does your muse masturbate? if so, how often, and how do they get themselves off? if not, why not?

does your muse have high, medium, or low libido?

is sex compatibility a dealbreaker for your muse in a relationship? why or why not?

how does your muse feel about one-night-stands?

what was your muse's first time having sex like? who was it with, why did they choose that person, where did it take place, how old were they, and what happened?

[womenl0verr]

𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞! (𝐆𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠... 𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠)

|| 𝐂𝐡𝐨 𝐇𝐲𝐮𝐧-𝐣𝐮 𝐱 𝐟!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

|| 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬!: 𝐒𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐡𝐨𝐛𝐢𝐚, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐨𝐩𝐡𝐨𝐛𝐢𝐚 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟!

|| 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐞! 𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐭 𝐲𝐞𝐭, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝!

|| 𝐀/𝐧: 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐞𝐫!! 𝐈 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐦 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲! 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐍𝐀𝐖𝐓 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐬𝐨... 𝐈 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭. 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐟-𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝! 𝐋/𝐧 𝐢𝐬 “𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞“ 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐅/𝐧 𝐢𝐬 “𝐅𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝’𝐬 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞“

You stood in-front of the mirror with shaky hands as you fixed your over-sized gray blazer. You fiddled with the hem of the black mini skirt you wore, soon tying up the laces of black worn-out convers you wore.

Sure, it wasn’t your first time on a date with a woman, but it's your first time asking out a woman. Usually it had been them, with you giving them subtle hints. But after two months of waiting patiently, you did the first move.

And that's how you got here, trying to somewhat fix the poorly tied tie, and your wrinkled white button up. You tried to dress fancy, given that you want this to end up well.

Though you didn't have the right clothes for it, so you stole some from your good ole' brother. The trousers couldn't fit on you so, you went for the black skirt instead.

In other words, you tried your very best. You picked up the bouquet of flowers that sat on your table, picking out your fanciest-looking purse and left your apartment.

The reason you went all out on your outfit was, that was because you had nothing else to impress her with. Your apartment was shit, one kick away from crumbling. You had no car, not even a drivers license. You had nothing, nothing at all.

You just had your crazy-good fashion sense and a smart mind. You fiddled with your glasses, fixing them and your hair. You rang the doorbell to her house, breathing deep but steady breaths before hiding the bouquet behind your back.

You stood there patiently waiting for her to open the gate, or do anything. Nervously mumbling words of praises under your breath. "You can do this.", "you look beautiful and she will love you.".

Then she opened the door, you instantly look up from your feet. Even if she wore something casual—wait, she's wearing something casual.

First wrong of the date: "hey, beautiful." You tried to flirt with her, keyword: tried. But you still desperately failed so bad. And with a wide blush coming up on your cheeks looked down on your feet again. "Sorry." You mumble giving her the hidden bouquet of flowers from behind your back.

"This is really pretty." She smiled and took the flowers on your hands and smelled them. "You look really pretty." She looked up from the flowers and her eyes met yours. "T-thank you, you look beautiful, Hyun-ju." You grin before grabbing her hand in yours.

"Sorry, i thought we were going for something casual." She said looking down at her casual outfit. "No, it's alright. I should've asked you beforehand. You still look really beautiful."

The walk to the restaurant was near but there was still a distance. "Sorry, i don't have a car. And plus the restaurant's parking is shitty." You tell her with a small smile, which she just let smiles at.

"It's fine. This is actually the best date ever." She chuckles, brushing a piece of her hair behind her ear. "Don't worry too much about this date, i want you to enjoy." She said as she subtly intertwines her fingers with hers.

Second wrong of the date: "Uhm, hi. Reservation for L/n, please." You smile. "Oh, uhm. I'm sorry, i can't find your name in here." She scrolls through the book. "Uhm, what?" You nervously chuckle, though you just send an already worried Hyun-ju a smile.

"Can i talk to F/n, please?" You say with an irritated smile as your friend walks over to you. "So...?" She trails off. "What the hell!" You whisper shout at her as she pulls you behind a car. "Look, i'm sorry. I didn't have time to put you on the reservation list. I'm really busy, and we're filled with people."

"What am i gonna do now?" You huff in annoyance as you rub your temples. "Uhm, there's this other really nice restaurant. It's just a couple blocks from here." Your friend suggests. "Fine, but i'll never let you live down this moment ever again."

And with that you walk away. You force a smile as you walk on over to her, but it seems she already knows it. "So, we search for other restaurants?" She smiles as she intertwines her fingers with yours once again.

"Are you sure? You can go back home, i'll just reschedule this date." You look up at her with sad eyes. "No, i want this date to continue." She smiled looking at your eyes, before hesitantly pressing a kiss to your forehead.

Fireworks. You felt fireworks erupting inside of you as she pressed her soft lips on your forehead. "Sorry, am i moving too fast?" She asks with worried eyes, but you shake your head with a wide smile and a blush on your cheeks. "No."

Third wrong of the date: as the both of you talk and walk towards the restaurant, people who walks by, stare at the both of you with disgust planted on their face. The way they would walk slowly just to whisper something, then walk away like nothing happened.

It made you sick to your stomach. You would never except people to be like this. You hated that. You hated how they would stare at the both of you with such disgust, as if they're perfect people.

Your hands ball up into a fist as you tried your best not to glare at them. You snap out of your thoughts as Hyun-ju stopped walking. You looked at her with confusion. "I'm sorry." She apologized turning to look at you. "I'm sorry, you're getting all these looks because of me."

"It's okay. I-i'm used to it." You grab her cold hands and try to warm it with yours. "I don't mind." You smile. "Do you want me to cook for you instead?" You offer, brushing your thumb over her knuckles. "I promise, i make decent food."

"I would love that." She smiles. "Your apartment closer, right? Let's go there instead." She says, you and Hyun-ju walk to your apartment, talking and laughing once again. This time with no one to interrupt the two of you.

Since it was night, the streets near your apartment are usually quiet. So all the sounds that you could only hear was the sounds of her giggles and laugh at your stupid jokes.

Stupid jokes that at least made her laugh.

Once the both of you reach your apartment, you turn on the dim lights, preparing dinner whilst she sat on the very uncomfortable couch. "Sorry, i'm not the richest." You spoke up from the kitchen. "Don't worry. I'm touring myself instead."

She looked at the portraits and family pictures you had set up on the shelf, it was clear that you loved your family. The shelves were filled with books, occupying most of the shelves. You loved to read. She kept that in mind.

And, you also loved to cook. She guessed that from the row of cook books you had. "You're not gonna find any gold in there, that's for sure." And she chuckled at that as you set up your dinner and hers.

After eating dinner, the both of you decided to sit on the couch and watch tv instead. After a few minutes, despite your desperate fighting, sleep won over you. Your head slowly leaning towards her shoulder, she didn't mind. In fact, she liked it.

She admired you whilst you slept, the moon light seeping through the windows as you slept, lighting up your face perfectly. "Best date ever." She whispered under her breath before pressing a kiss on your forehead.

"Best date ever." You whisper back, waking up from her kiss. "So, let's do this again?" You asked with eyes full of hope. "I would love that. Now go to sleep."

The next morning, you woke up with a goddess laying next to you, admiring your features. And it was truly the best date ever despite all the things that happened.

[phoenixblaze1412]

Could i ask for fem!reader and dottore having a smoking 🚬 session and a few kissing if that's alright I can't get this scenario out of my head😭😭 ty!! love all your works🫶🫶

Very well anon!

Little warning: smoking, I do not condone minors to the habit of smoking, this is only a fanfiction, not reality.

The lab was unusually quiet, the hum of machines and the soft shuffle of papers the only sounds breaking the stillness. Dottore sat behind his desk, his gaze intent on the research in front of him but there was an unspoken tension in the air. He had been working nonstop for hours and you had come to check on him, mostly because you knew he would never take a break unless someone made him.

The lab smelled faintly of chemicals, but tonight, there was something else in the air: the sharp, alluring scent of tobacco. You had slipped a pack of cigarettes into your bag earlier, knowing exactly what would coax him out of his perpetual work frenzy. The idea of a quiet, shared moment between the two of you, away from the madness of experiments, had seemed perfect.

You walked over to his desk, setting the pack down in front of him. Dottore glanced up, his sharp gaze scanning your face as if trying to figure out your intentions. There was a flicker of curiosity in his eyes, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he raised an eyebrow, his lips curling into a small, almost amused smile.

“You’ve been smoking again?” he asked, his tone a mixture of teasing and intrigue.

You shrugged, leaning against the desk with a sly grin. “Just thought we could share a moment. A break from the madness. You’ve been working nonstop.”

Dottore exhaled sharply, obviously aware of how deep in his work he had been, but also not one to back down from a challenge or a bit of relaxation. He tapped his fingers on the edge of the desk, contemplating for a moment before reaching for the pack. “Fine. I’ll indulge you. But don’t think this means I’ll make a habit of it.”

You handed him a lighter, your fingers brushing against his as he took it from your hand. There was something about those small touches that always sent a strange flutter through your chest, though you’d never admit it aloud. He lit the cigarette with expert ease, the flame briefly illuminating the sharp planes of his face before he took a long drag.

The smoke curled upward, thick and heavy, and you followed suit, lighting your own cigarette. The two of you sat there in a comfortable silence for a while, the smoke swirling between you, mingling in the dimly lit room. Dottore’s usually cold demeanor softened just a little in these moments, and you enjoyed the quiet companionship more than you let on.

After a while, Dottore looked over at you, his lips curling slightly as he observed the way you exhaled, your eyes momentarily closed in contentment. “You enjoy this more than I expected.”

You smirked, taking another drag. “You’d be surprised. Sometimes, it’s nice to step back, to just breathe for once.”

His eyes darkened with something unreadable, and for a brief moment, the weight of his gaze seemed to linger just a little longer than usual. You weren’t sure if it was the smoke, the dim light, or just the shared silence, but something between you felt different now.. more intimate, more present.

You leaned closer to him, the space between you shrinking, and caught his gaze. “You should relax more often, Dottore,” you murmured, your voice quiet but steady.

Dottore’s eyes flickered down to your lips, a flash of something deeper crossing his expression, something that felt a little like longing, though he quickly masked it with a smirk. “I don’t need your advice on relaxation, (Y/N).”

But there was no bite in his words. In fact, there was a softness to his tone that you hadn’t heard before.

“Then what do you need?” you asked, your voice dropping to a whisper, your eyes never leaving his.

Before he could respond, you closed the small distance between you, your lips brushing against his in a soft, teasing kiss. The moment was fleeting, almost as if testing the waters. His lips were warm, and the slight taste of tobacco lingered between you as you pulled away just enough to look at him.

Dottore was silent for a beat, and then, with a small, almost amused chuckle, he leaned forward, capturing your lips in a deeper kiss. This one was not tentative, but full of purpose, as if he had been waiting for just the right moment to finally give in. His hand found its way to the back of your neck, pulling you closer, his breath mingling with yours as he deepened the kiss, his lips moving against yours with a fervor that surprised you.

The cigarette in your hand was long forgotten, the smoke curling aimlessly in the air as your senses were consumed by him. You melted into the kiss, his warmth and the quiet pressure of his hands on your body igniting something within you. For a moment, the rest of the world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you, wrapped in the intimacy of the moment.

When the kiss finally broke, both of you were breathing a little heavier, the taste of each other lingering on your lips. Dottore pulled back just enough to look at you, his usual cold exterior momentarily slipping away, leaving only a softness you hadn’t seen before.

“You’re reckless,” he murmured, his voice rough, but there was an undeniable warmth to it now. “You always manage to make things more complicated than they need to be.”

You smiled, your eyes still locked on his. “Maybe. But isn’t that part of the fun?”

Dottore smirked, but there was a tenderness in his eyes that he couldn’t hide. “You’re impossible,” he muttered, taking one more drag from his cigarette before flicking it into the ashtray. “But I suppose… that’s what I find most interesting about you.”

You leaned in again, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, just beside the scar that ran down his face. “I like to think I keep you on your toes,” you whispered, a playful glint in your eyes.

Dottore’s lips curled into a rare, genuine smile. “Indeed. It’s almost like you’re trying to make me lose my mind.”

“Maybe,” you teased, leaning against him a little more comfortably now. “But you seem to like it, don’t you?”

His fingers brushed against your hand, his usual stoic demeanor slipping back into place, though now with a quiet affection in his gaze. “I suppose I do.”

And in that moment, the world outside the lab faded away, leaving only the two of you, sharing a quiet moment of tenderness amidst the chaos. The smoke hung thick in the air, but it was the warmth between you that truly lingered.

[mythicmanuscripts]

Sweet, subby boy Aemond would love full body massages. I know it.

You're so right Anon, so right.

Happy, sweet, kinda fluffy and non-explicit NSFW sub!Aemond below the cut. Enjoy lads!

I'm convinced that Aemond actually just ADORES being pampered and treated very softly? But only from you of course. If anyone else tried to help him or pamper him he would see it as insulting and like the person is belittling him.

But when you do it he just feels so nice? Once he starts to relax around you and you start to guide him more when you're alone then he really starts to unwind with you.

(Sidenote: a big part about Aemond finding that comfort and safety with you is actually about ensuring protection and security for him from others? You stop servants from entering your chambers with him unless they are scheduled or are called, you get sheer fabric to hang over the windows so people can't see in from outside, maybe even move your quarters to the most remote part of the keep. For him, especially because of the brothel incident, his emotional security stems from physical security in the sense of not feeling vulnerable when he starts to let his guard down. Okay anyway back to the point of the ask...)

It takes you a while to realise that Aemond enjoys being pampered because of how closed off he tends to be? For the longest time Aemond would stiffen the moment you touched him and almost seemed touch averse. So for the first part of your relationship with him you focused on a lot on ensuring not to touch him unnecessarily and always asking for consent every time, even when it's very obvious he expects and wants that touch.

You respecting him like that, always letting him come to you, always offering yourself but never taking from him unless you've expressly asked and even then being as gentle as you can, that's what makes a world of difference to him. Because Aemond actually craves touch and warmth and the feeling of being able to hold onto someone at night and know they'll be there when he wakes.

Once you start to see him seeking those touches from you and he starts to allow certain things much more often, then you start to push it a little to see how much Aemond wants. To your surprise, you never met any pushback at all. You would offer him something, like brushing his hair or massaging his back or even just helping him get dressed or undressed, and sometimes you could swear that you could actually see the tension relax in his shoulders. He always seemed so much more content then, like once you got your hands on him he would just allow himself to become plaint in your arms, allowing you to do whatever you want.

That's how you learn how much he likes body massages. You first offer him a back massage after a long ride on Vhagar followed by a long meeting with Aegon when he arrived back to your chambers in a godawful mood. At first you think you may have fucked up by offering him a massage because of the way he goes stiff and quiet, stopping himself in his step and for a moment you think he may walk out the door.

He looks down then, unable to look you in the eye. He mumbles the 'yes please' so soft that you almost don't hear it and when he looks up his cheeks are flushed. He's clearly all embarrassed and uncomfortable actually saying yes but it's so clear that he really wants it.

Once you have his permission, the trick is to not make it seem like a big deal. Just lead him to bed, slowly remove his shirt and pants and let him lay on his stomach. If you talk or ask him anything or even compliment him then he'll get tense again and uncomfortable. You have to just be nonchalant about it to let him enjoy this without having to give you any input.

Over time as your relationship progresses the massages get longer and you get to massage more of his body. He still won't ever openly ask, but he will remove his own clothes and lay on his stomach in bed, nodding his head when you ask if he'd like a massage (even though you both know he does want one, you always just check anyway).

Interestingly though he doesn't actually fall asleep while you massage him, not even when he's so tired he's practically dead on his feet. The massages can definitely help him sleep better and fall asleep faster, but only once the massage has ended and you climb into bed with him. Often you're certain he's fallen asleep but then once you move away he's mumbling thank you and turning onto his bed with his one arm held out resting on the bed, a clear invitation to join him. He falls asleep almost instantly then, but only once you've come to bed.

Maybe what really changes things is when he gets to give you a massage? It's not the type of thing Aemond would think of randomly, not because he doesn't want to (he will take any and every excuse to serve or touch you, always) but because he doesn't think you'd agree if he offered.

But then one day you come to bed after him and he can say by the way you walk that your muscles are stiff. Maybe it was from training or dragon riding or even a fall but whatever it was made your muscles sore. Aemond wants to fix this of course, though he's not sure how he could help.

You can see how he's starting to get antsy about this and how he's not going to settle until he knows you're feeling better. So you ask him to run you a bath, which he does of course. After that Aemond is just standing around, clearly trying to figure out what to do next. You suggest the massage mostly as a joke really because you ended up laying on your stomach the same way he does when you massage him.

To your surprise, his eyes light up? And well, you certainly arent going to turn that down. He's so gentle with it too, like he's afraid he may break you if he's too rough. Honestly it's not as much a massage as it just getting your back rubbed but you arent complaining, it still feels good and relaxing.

It's after that incident that the massages become more commonplace and more sexual. Pretty soon one of your favourite ways to spend a night with Aemond is first to bathe together, then for you to massage Aemond until he's completely relaxed. You often ride him then, just flipping him over and letting him grip your hips and watch you. After that you'll lay together for a little bit and the moment Aemond has recovered he gives you a massage before you both go to bed.

[rekino2114]

Type of dates the p:e.g. girls like

A/n:here is the eden's garden fluff post hope you enjoy and that it's not too late to at least ease a bit of the trauma

Eva tsunaka

She likes board games date

She has a lot of tabletop games that she likes to play with you, and so she just invites you to her dorm, and you two do a board game night

She prepares snacks and everything so you can go on for a long while, and she's actually amazing at explaining the rules

Sometimes you also invite some other of your classmates to play together (mostly Damon because no one else wants to hang out with him)

Her favorite game is monopoly cause she knows all the strategies and doesn't mind how long it gets (it's more time she gets to spend with you) and her least favorite is uno simply because it brings out her more competitive and angry side like it does in everyone

"W-wait no that's illegal! You can't put a plus 2 on a plus 4....I'm gonna look it up!"

Cassidy amber

This one's pretty obvious but video games date

She has basically almost every video game in existence so of course she would share them with her lovers

This girl has a terrible sleeping schedule, so sometimes she'll just call you in the middle of the night cause she has this new really cool game she wants you to try

She likes playing co-op games most of the time because when she plays games against you, she absolutely destroys you. She lets you win sometimes because she loves you, though

Sometimes you also play together on stream and Cassidy's chat loves you

"Come on, babe, don't be upset that you lost. I'm the ultimate pro gamer after all, it was pretty obvious I would have won. Wanna do another round? I promise I'll go easy on you this time"

Eloise taulner

After watching her train, you two go take a walk in a park

The whole ambiance is really relaxing, and that's what Eloise likes the most in dates, especially after a hard day of fencing

You two sit at a bench, and sometimes she talks about what's on her mind, and other times, she just silently lays her head on your shoulder and relaxes

She likes to pet the animals she sees there

You often pick flowers for her along the way so that at the end you can give them to her, she always blushes but her heart just melts at how cute the gesture is

"O-oh are those......for me? T-thanks they look really pretty.......I love you.....t-them I-i meant I love them!"

Wenona

Shopping dates all the way

It's more like she buys anything you even look at while you just wander around the store

She already is basically your sugar mommy, and in her words, spending her money on you is the best thing she could use it for

Even with how much she reassures you that it's fine you still feel kinda guilty about using her money sometimes so you buy stuff for her too, which she appreciates

If anyone has anything to say about that or is just rude to you in general her attitude and a few comments about being able to buy the entire shop quickly shuts them up

"What's that y/n? Do you want that? Oh no don't worry, that's just pocket change to me"

Grace madison

She can't be bothered to plan a date so you often just follow her around for what she does for fun, which is mostly playing golf and working out

Working out with grace is kinda awkward cause she won't pay attention to you at all while exercising, and any conversation you try to strike up with her is mostly ignored

She does appreciate it when you help her though, like bringing her a water bottle or a towel later. If she's in a good mood she might even kiss you and then immensely go back to her aggressive self

She'll yell at you a lot if she catches you, staring a bit too much at her while she works out.....But she's not stopping you don't tell anyone that, but she actually kinda likes when you watch her. It's nice to know you think she's attractive

Which is the reason why she occasionally sends you gym pics when you don't come with her. If you dare mention it to her, she'll just call you a dumbass while blushing

"Oi, what are you looking at? Tch damn soybean, just go and get me my water or something instead of ogling me, idiot"

Diana venicia

Diana is down for basically any date you want to go together, she just really loves being with you no matter what you're doing

But if you ask her to pick a date, she usually resorts to very simple and cozy home dates

You stay and cuddle on the couch while watching some movie that fits the season. she usually likes corny romance movies cause she actually believes in true love, she has you after all

When the movie ends you talk about whatever you want, mostly about classes or your classmates or how much you love each other. Diana could rant for hours about how amazing you are

If you're OK with that she'd love to do your make-up, or just do her own make-up while you watch, she asks you what kinds look good on her (you think she looks beautiful with anything)

"So baby, what do you think of this? It's a new color I didn't try before. Awww, thanks so much. You look even better than me, hehe I love you so much"

Ingrid grimwall

Like Diana Ingrid doesn't really mind what dates you go on, she just likes being with you

She'd probably be into more thrilling dates like going to amusement parks or walks in the woods

If you're scared to go on the roller coaster she'll hold you the whole way through and that makes everything better

Even if it's not really a date she also likes to bring you to watch her work, especially if she's crafting something for you, she wants you to see how it's made with all her love

"So how do ya like it sugar? Is it good? I tried my best I really hope you like it, if ya want I can make another one for me so we can match"

[genderqueerdykes]

Hey hello! this is probably a weird ask but I'm having a bit of a moral dilemma? when I've heard stuff like "you might gain weight going on T" it's been giving me nothing but joy for the future. Like I actively Want To Get Bigger? I'm really skinny now, and have been all my life, and I keep getting comments from people being like "woahh you're so thin I wish I was as skinny as you" and like. I feel bad for wanting to be larger? I know fat people face a LOT of problems and discrimination due to their size, and it's not like I'm not aware of that, but I'm worried this is some weird fetishizing thing I need to unpack. me wanting to be fat that is, and loving the idea of gaining weight on T. like, going from skinny hairless girl > fat hairy man is something I really really want, and is basically a transition goal atp. But I haven't said anything about this bc I'm worried this is disrespectful to fat folk or just downright gross?? idk

that is not fetishizing, you're okay, you should never be made to feel bad for wanting to be bigger, i'm so sorry people are treating you that way

they are objectifying your body and i am so sorry. your body is yours, not theirs. the thing a lot of people don't want to accept is that some people genuinely want to be larger, chubby, fat, and so on. some people genuinely want to be a weight that's higher than what's considered "normal" and that's genuinely not a problem. like i don't get how people don't understand that someone's weight impacts them and them alone. and no it doesn't impact their doctors, because doctors need to be open to working with all body types

people are so possessive and weird about body weight. people feel so entitled to each others' bodies that they will take someone else's weight gain personally. as if it's an affront to them. (or are they upset because this affects whether or not they're attracted to you...?) even people who claim to be fat liberation will get pissed off at people who want to gain weight on purpose. there's nothing wrong with gaining weight on purpose. it's not going to inherently cause health problems for you, and if it does, you can tackle that when it comes. but people are so weirdly possessive of others' bodies. like. i don't think this behavior comes from a standpoint of concern for that person's health.

we are so fucked up about weight that i genuinely think that when they see a well fed fat person they get pissed off because that can't be them. that person is too concerned about dieting and losing weight and toning up and cutting back calories and going without and skipping meals and ignoring cravings. like. it's a projection of how that person feels about their own weight. their taking out their issues about not being able to eat what they want and be the size they want. so much of this comes from internalized fatphobia. most people who get pissed off when fat people enjoy being fat and enjoy eating are people who desperately want to be able to eat what they want, too, but get mad when they see someone who's doing it because they just don't have the courage. a lot of the time it's jealousy

also keep in mind that a lot of people actually like being "overweight" "obese" and so on because they have issues with disordered eating, gastrointestinal issues, anxiety, personality disorders, cancer, chronic illness, or anything else that might lead someone to struggle to keep on weight. for some people, being fat is actually safer.

a lot of people who go on T do so with the goal in mind to be a big fat hairy guy. i was already fat, but i that was my goal as well. i wanted to stay fat. i wanted to add some muscle and then stay fat, which is what i'm doing. so many other trans guys want this. i'm sure many will speak up on this post!

anyways, i'm sorry people have made you feel like that. it's your body you get to choose what weight you feel the most comfortable at. ive never been bothered by my weight. i don't feel held back by it. this is just the weight ive been for almost my entire life. i don't care if the way i look offends someone else, i'm the one who sees me all day long, not them. i'm gonna look the way i want for me, not for anyone else. good luck anon, feel free to come back any time. you are allowed to do whatever you want with your body

[doublel27]

I heasitate to do anything that will give this incredibly toxic, bullying tantrum of a post more views, but I also don't think this is okay and people should say so.

It is not an essay, it is a lambasting of someone who disagrees not with just you, but the general discourse that exists around some shows in the BL world because there were over 8 different people's ideas referenced in that post and you focused on you and @lurkingshan. Spending the time to type in 30 tags in the actual post, and another 5 in the comments lambasting someone, offering to pass to anyone screenshots of DMs, utilzing different sizes of script for emphasis that is considered yelling in the written word, and encouraging others to discuss how toxic they are and then demand your boundaries are that they don't respond after flooding someone else's inbox is very rude and inappropriate. I want to applaud @technicallyverycowboy and @lugarn who I have never spoken to before for also calling it out.

I would like to start by saying it's very clear you're incredibly upset and chose to yell at a person who never mentioned you that you perceived as attacking you. Your feelings are okay and should be felt, this response is not. Particularly because there is a whole lot of projection and defensiveness in this post, both in acting like MBDL doesn't understand fandom ettiquite, being disingenous about MBDL's actions and claim to be entirely misread and misunderstood, but let's take a look at what you and lurkingshan actually said in that post, what you misrepresented and misunderstood, and what words were used that might have suggested you were acting as an authority and dismissing other perspectives.

While you value being tagged, when Maybe-Boys-Do-Love says not "everyone enjoys being tagged" could be referring to previous interactions MBDL has had with people who asked him not to (I know i've had that or have been asked to DM) or his own personal feelings of not wanting to be tagged. I don't know, you'd have to ask him rather than assume. You feel a way about what you refer to as vague posting, but not everyone feels the way that you do. Some people prefer to not have an @ shoved at them and prefer to see stuff that could be about them and just say that if someone cared about them enough to say something to their face they would, and move about their day. You are deeply upset by other's possbily vaguely referring to your thoughts on tumblr.com and that's a valid feeling. Bullying a person due to your big feelings however, is not acceptable, and the limited number of reblogs from a specific circle of people, shows exactly how unacceptable the overall community finds this stuff.

You can ask people to @ you in posts that refer to yours and link to them. That's how you feel. On your blog. And you don't have to like how other people act on their blog, but that's also THEIR blog. They can behave how they want, just like you do. Perhaps this whole post is the opposite of what someone would want to have happen to them, in the same way MBDL's was the opposite of what you wanted to have happen.

I want to be very clear that I have seen the post that @maybe-boys-do-love made and your response. Your response is still visible to me on the post and I have reblogged the version of the post on my blog where you responded to MBLD and where MBDL responded to you because I value the fullness of the discourse. I can still see it. Anyone who goes to my blog can still see it. I'm very mystified by the fact that you can't see your response when everyone else can, but I think it should be acknowledged publicly that your point about them deleting your response is a lie you could have fact-checked by asking someone outside of your circle. You have not edited this post to reflect that was a mistake on your part and was the crucx of you deciding to stop engaging in conversation with MBDL in the first place.

However, your quick nature to dismiss criticisms of your posts both above, and in other posts, as "you attacking their faves" or "other fans who only watch shows for shipping" is as dismissive and gaslighting as the work you accuse MBDL of. This Nov. 5 post of yours includes the following quote:

ULTIMATELY, Nihilistic: what we are dealing with regarding your concern, as fans and/or critics of Series Y shows, is a conflict of values, among critical fans like ourselves, other fans who only watch shows for romance and shipping, and the economic bottom lines of the studios/agencies themselves. Some of us just want narratively good scripts, like Bad Buddy or He's Coming To Me. Others are content with having a show end with their fave pairs confirmed together in the end, no matter the process of how they got there.

This dismissal of people who disagree with your definition of good writing and good scripts is the kind of historical conversation and tone from your posts that suggests that you are a critical consumer of content and others who have different opinions are not. Much like you accused MBDL of using "we" to deflect from his own opinion, your use of "us" and "others" repeatedly in that piece gives an us/them perspective. Other is a very othering word, when others is used as a pronoun. Us lets you know you're in the in group, with the taste makers, others lets you know you're not allowed.

From the post that you're concerned was vague-blogged on, which is part of a lager conversation of Spare Me Your Mercy, and Thai writing in general, you said the following:

It seems to me that the fantasies of the fans are worth more, as an investment by GMMTV and other studios in Thailand, than actual artistic material that focuses on queerness at this point. Capitalism and mainstreaming go very well hand-in-hand when there's money to be made, and this, to me, speaks loudly to the excellent points that Shan has made above about really great queer art being anathema to center- and conservative-mainstreams. We're getting less of really great queer art in Thailand, because the dampening of queerness in Thai shows might very well mean more bucks for the studios. Finally, a last point about capitalism that I'd like to make. I've been seeing a rising number of posts and comments taking Tumblr bloggers to task for being critical (like, objectively critical) of bad shows. Many folks don't want to read criticism of their fave shows and stars. I want to note that if one takes this position -- the capitalists have won again. If you're someone who's trying to prevent critical takes from being published, well, you got got by the capitalists -- the studios, the managers who want you to be so in love with your faves that you will ponder asking a writer to censor themselves from making a critical take. You might feel ownership of your blorbo, protective of your favorite star. Those critical takes may feel, to you, like a takedown of your fave.

Again this is highly dismissive and rejects any critism of your takes as people who are just into shipping or faves. Similar to your criticism of the use of the term we in MBDL's post, here you use the term "one" here is short for anyone or everyone. You're claming anyone who disagrees with YOUR version of good writing and good scripts has been "got" by capitalism. (To be fair, I still don't know what your definition of good writing and good scripts are, and I've read all of your posts, as well as Ben's and Shan's and Twig-Tea's. So far I've got a list of common Thai tropes and themes that you don't approve of, and a tonality that is bothersome to you. Which is fair that you don't like it, but you catagorize those as bad and others as good.) Some people enjoyed the shows you didn't, and that's fine. Some of it they thought the scripts were good. Some of it they thought they weren't but enjoyed it anyway. As you stated in the above post this is your opinion and your blog, which is fair. But dismissing people who disagree with you as being got by capitalism and saying things like "ownership of your blorbo" which is to say that that's the only reason someone might like something, or that the only thing that people can like is high art and good scripts is frankly rude. And it's not even like you live up to your own standard. As you stated in the November 5th post:

Now, out of even MORE transparency, I am watching the MESS that is Kidnap right now, and listen, it's NOT GOOD. I'm fucking not even writing about it anymore, I'm just reblogging the sessy gifs. I am watching it to support Ohm Pawat, and am hoping that this partnership with Leng Thanaphon will hopefully lead to better scripts.... somewhere. (Or at least, better scripts for Ohm at a place like One31 or Channel 3. I also hope Ohm keeps up his anti-branded pair stance, but if GMMTV forces him to pair permanently with Leng, it won't be a fucking surprise, and more on that below.)

We're going to ignore that One31 is also owned by the same corporation as GMMTV here for a second, the money flows to the same overlord. We will also ignore that Jes Jespipat has stated that he wanted to leave Channel 3 for BOC, which his managment team, who is also owned by the same corporation as GMMTV and One31, because he felt BOC was full of like-minded people when it came to quality and production. Those are all easily serchable facts as is the fact that One31 and Channel 3 are mass market channels while GMMTV is a teen/ya market channel.

Those facts aside, I think it's really disingenous to suggest that you as a person are capable of distingishing between good writing and bad writing, because you a person with values, and then sometimes watch bad writing for your love of Ohm Pawat, (and who are we kidding, we all tuned in to Kidnap originally because Ohm Pawat had been returned to us). But the idea that you are capable of this thought, and actively choosing, and the way you stated above that anyone who rebutts your takes "got got by the capitalists" (bold is yours, see above and the post) if they tuned into a show for their faves that you didn't like, or thought was bad, that means they weren't doing the same kind of thinking you did around Kidnap. Or that the only way to distinguish what is good and what isn't is your way.

And the worst part of all of this is, lurkingshan and you, misrepresented the article that interviewed the screen writer, Lux and Sammon, and even @benkaben's essay for your own agenda in the post you're referring to. The exact stuff you're accusing MBDL of doing.

Benkaben's initial post that's also linked in lurnkingshan's post, focuses on the fact that there's a comment in the interview that conflates Shipping, Romance, Fanservice with NC scenes and suggests that it makes a work less serious. For those of you who won't link through to the original article, here's benkaben's words:

And hey, you don't need NC scenes for that! No, sexual intimacy is not the only thing that "proves" a romance exist. I mean heck, you could even go all the way around and have all the NC scenes in the world and still present a story where the characters aren't in love with each other, because sex ≠ romance. Absolutely. But also I'm, really tired™, of this idea that any kind of sex portrayed in media is only going to "taint" the final composition. As If sex and love stories were some dirty stain that automatically made the work lesser: Less serious, less formal, less dramatic. I don't agree with the idea that you have to sacrifice intimacy in order to be taken seriously. I don't agree with the idea that sex is by default, just fanservice and therefore it's portrayal subtracts automatically from the story.

The quote that Benkaben is referring to from the original translation is as follows, just in case you're wondering: (I am not fluent in thai and am trusting the translator understood the majority of what was said)

“Sammon's novels are primarily BL and include numerous love scenes. However, we deliberately chose not to present it as a BL story. While the characters are two men in love, we approached it with a dark drama style. The characters are gay, but we don’t offer fan service in every episode or include NC (explicit) scenes. This has been the plan from the beginning. Our decision to omit NC scenes wasn’t influenced by censorship, airtime, or the actors. It’s because the themes we are addressing are heavy and serious. NC scenes would detract from the story’s focus, which is the dark drama and euthanasia. Some fans of the novel might be disappointed, but we believe there’s other enjoyment to be found in the series, even without NC scenes.

The screenwriter states very clearly and explicitly that this was not censorship, airtime or the actors. It was not for the audience or what you can do on Thai television or giving in to the conservatives as lurkingshan argued. Lux said because the themes they were focusing on were heavy and serious, she felt fanserivce and sex detracted from the concept of euthenasia and dark drama.

In fact, I am going to pull out and highlight this line again:

The characters are gay, but we don’t offer fan service in every episode or include NC (explicit) scenes. This has been the plan from the beginning.

In this way, the screenwriter of Spare Me Your Mercy agrees with your main complaint about Thai BL in general that you spent a solid time going in on, that shows are focused on fan service over storytelling. The decision to remove the NC scenes and anything very romatnic, in the directors view, was to comply with your argument of removing fanservice in favor of storytelling.

Additionally, in this post, which prompted lurkingshan's post, you stated:

And — I believe it was also disingenuous to the two previously adapted Sammon stories of Manner of Death and Triage as well, as both of those dramas were able to hold both mystery and romantic storylines to excellent ends, with wonderful touches of intimacy along the way (MaxTul couch scene, my beloved).

Meanwhile, in the translated interview, that @slayerkitty posted Lux did discuss Sammon's thoughts:

When we spoke with the original author, she was also very supportive of this shift because she also wants to highlight the theme of euthanasia. While she herself is a Sao Y and a writer of BL novels, she understands the adaptation’s focus.

And I was honestly very confused by your post this week adding fan service is the downfall and the cause of censorship (which the director of Spare Me Your Mercy said it was not as stated above), because the director of Spare Me Your Mercy ultimately agreed that shows deserve to have a good script and not be beholden to fanservice. You disagree that his script is good. But that's his argument here.

I was even deeper horrified by this line in lurkingshan's post, which ties back to a previous post of yours:

I appreciated her clarity that despite the show receiving strong ratings and finding popularity with the mainstream domestic audience, that doesn't actually make it a success as a piece of narrative storytelling. And if anything, its popularity underlines why it was a failure as a queer narrative, in particular.

The overwhelming Western paternalism here that suggests that if something is popular in conservative countries and not in the greater queer world means it's a failure as a queer story...That's the statement there: It's popularity underlines why it was a faiulre as a queer narrative.

I think a lot about Casey McQuiston's work, a queer author in America who was raised in some of the most conservative parts of this country. Their work, specifically I Kissed Shara Wheeler is a love letter to queer folx who grew up in conservative communties who LOVE the communties they were raised in, even if that community couldn't fully love them back. I think a lot about all of the boy loves that were turned into bromances in Korea to make the bottom line so that something like Love in the Big City could get made. I think a lot about the amount of money and capital and power it takes to get a story made that a country doesn't want to get told: Saint mortgaged his house to open an entirely QL production house and make the first major GL in Thailand because no one would finance it, The author and director of Meet Me at the Blossom also put her house, and frankly her freedom, on the line to make that show. Because while we'd like to separate the art from capitalist structures, as long as we are living in a captialist world, we are going to have to find ways to both work within the system and resist it. There's a lot of jokes made about how to keep the serious tone of The Eclipse in it's serious true art vibe of telling a very serious story about the deadly nature of the closet and internalized homophobia, that Vice Versa had to have Lay's rain from the sky, because someone had to bring in the money to the company from advertisments to have The Eclipse have the cleaner vibe.

To quote the post by lurkingshan again:

High quality, well-executed, honest and authentic queer art is more likely to be protested than celebrated in places where real queer people are not safe to live free lives.

What makes queer art high-quality, well-executed, honest and authentic? What makes a place safe to live free lives?

In the US? Pose was a beautiful love letter to the Black and latinx trans community, looking at the history of Ballroom in the US in the 1980s. It was succesful in this country, as much of Ryan Murphy's work is. However, it is not safe for the Black and latinx trans communtiy to live in the United States of America. We've got the anti-trans legislation tracker and the HRC had identified 36 murders of Trans and Non-Binary people as of November 30th 2024, disproportionately Black trans women. They acknowldge this is an incomplete account due to: many deaths often go unreported or misreported, or misgendering of victims leads to delays in their identification. This does not even get into the systematic ways in which the queer community as a whole, but the Black queer community in general, is prevented from accessing key resources like housing and jobs with a livable wage.

The US is not a safe country for queer people to live free lives, not as a whole. I live in a Blue state, and am queer and a married to my queer partner. We are not fully out. We are not fully realized as queer humans. Very few queer people in this world live fully out, fully realized lives, due to colonialism and Imperialism. And that's what your argument largely fails to do, is account for the overlay of Western ideals onto non-Western media.

You state loudly that you want good Asian art, like Asian art should be a monolith. It is not for people who are not Thai to decide what good Thai art is, which is why you and lurkingshan do with quotes like this:

I appreciated her clarity that despite the show receiving strong ratings and finding popularity with the mainstream domestic audience, that doesn't actually make it a success as a piece of narrative storytelling. And if anything, its popularity underlines why it was a failure as a queer narrative, in particular.

This is, in my opinion, but you'd have to ask MBDL because he's not allowed to reply to this without violating your wishes, what he was responding to by the following:

"I just wanted to create a post that made people whose queer tastes diverge from others feel welcome to their own preferences and appreciate that there’s not a single stance in the queer BL fandom about what qualifies as good and/or queer work."

People like MBDL and @le-trash-prince, who are also queer, enjoyed the allegorical queer storytelling of Spare Me Your Mercy. The three gay men who you referenced above did not. That's...fine. that's the whole point of MBDL's message, queer people are not a monolith that all agree.

The people of Thailand, overall, enjoyed Spare Me Your Mercy. There is no way to poll what straight or queer Thai people specifically thought, but it's a key piece of the puzzle that Thai people enjoyed this show. Because that's the base audience. That's who they made it for.

But when you say, and I quote this post again: We're getting less of really great queer art in Thailand, because the dampening of queerness in Thai shows might very well mean more bucks for the studios.

You have decided that Thai shows are not great queer art any longer, and that they are dampening queerness off of the critisms of We Are and Perfect 10 Liners, that have been prevalent from your circle. I'll link this one @twig-tea wrote and another one @bengiyo wrote specifically, which comment on shows created by a queer Thai man, and the writing decisions for Spare Me Your Mercy, which were made using an argument you yourself use to suggest that shows shouldn't engage with imagined couples and fan-service. And while these are your opinions, you also, as I have quoted above, stated that:

Finally, a last point about capitalism that I'd like to make. I've been seeing a rising number of posts and comments taking Tumblr bloggers to task for being critical (like, objectively critical) of bad shows. Many folks don't want to read criticism of their fave shows and stars. I want to note that if one takes this position -- the capitalists have won again. If you're someone who's trying to prevent critical takes from being published, well, you got got by the capitalists -- the studios, the managers who want you to be so in love with your faves that you will ponder asking a writer to censor themselves from making a critical take.

I want to be clear, that MBDL writing a statement about how there are many ways to depict and appreciate queer stories is not saying you can't be critical. It's saying that there are alternative views. People saying if you hate GMMTV, maybe don't watch, are saying you seem to be miserable watching this, you can stop any time.

The thing people are rejecting in your critiques are not that you did not like something, that's fine. It is the sweeping statements that there is a right and a good way to make queer art, and everything else shouldn't be engaged with because it's ruining the genre or selling out to capitalist interests (as stated in the above linked Spare Me Your Mercy post by lurkingshan and yourself, and We Are posts twig-tea and bengiyo). Your words across all of these posts, and this one directed at MBDL are about policing other peoples actions and putting your values onto them. That is the core of toxic fandom. Expecting everyone to engage with it exactly the way you want to.

I'm of the opinion that what's good for queer Thai television is not for foriegn audiences to decide, ultimately. That's for queer Thai people to decide. And some of them may not want to make the greatest queer Thai television, some people may want to make fun queer Thai television, or silly queer Television. And that's also a wonderful thing.

Which is at the core of the argument that Dr. Thomas Baudinette started. Dr. Thomas Baudinette stated the following:

He does not state fully what those anti-social practices are. Are some of them likely toxic shipping, yes. But there's also toxic solo stans. (I do take Dr. Thomas Baudinette with a grain of salt because I also know he's a white academic speaking about a community he's not actually fully part of, and I would like to learn more about what Thai and Japanese and Korean fans think.) But his wording suggests that Thai fans are being influenced by fans of other markets: in your post you discuss the TayGun kiss of it all and there's this quote:

In this case, I would like to note that while we see GMMTV reducing blatant queer perspectives and frameworks from their shows, and promoting friend-ships or bro-ships, in the case of High School Frenemy and the SkyNani branded pair, we see GMMTV's (and Thai BL's) rise continue to grow in certain Asian countries (like China, Malaysia, and Indonesia, among others) that do not allow for public displays of queerness, among other restrictions. GMMTV does not hold branded pair fan meetings in these countries, and yet, these countries are some of the channel's biggest markets for its queer shows and pairs. As well, these countries (I am part-Malaysian myself) do not have public programs of sex education. Thus, if I am to assume that the majority fan bases of these shows are young folks in countries that do not offer robust sex education, then these young folks (of any gender) might not be inclined to join in and participate in conversations about queer equality. We, thus, get the outcry that occurred after Tay and Gun smooched. God forbid fantasies were to have been destroyed because two real-life people kissed. Two men, kissing, outside of the context of their branded pairs and outside the context of a drama. Some people have never been to the club before.

To the first part, GMMTV is not reducing their blatant queer perspectives in their shows. That is factually untrue. They've added more QLs (which at GMMTV are always romances) and queer strands in their non-BLs. In fact, the number of queer shows in 2019 was 3 (2 QL and 3 Will Be Free). The number of shows with QL in 2024 was 12 plus queer themes in an aditional 3 shows. That is an increase of 5 times more queer content in 2024 than in 2019. (source: MyDramaList - filtered for GMM25 and then removing anything not produced through GMMTV). This does not touch on how many of the writers and directors for GMMTV are queer people under the age of 40 sharing their perspectives. Now you don't have to like those queer perspectives but they're not getting less queer. In fact, for the 2025 wave, which did not show a reduction in queer perspectives, but in fact showed a proposed total of 15 BLs, 2 GLs, 1 het (oh Nanon's never coming back), 1 mixed stories with some VERY explicitly queer sections, 1 SkyNani bromance, with 4 BL still outstanding, 1 GL set to air in two weeks, and 6 outstanding non-BLs from the 2024 Up and Above announcements. Second, You conflate the lack of acess to public programs of sexual education to a lack of inclination to join and participate in discussions around queer equity. You then use the word Thus to show causation from lack of access to public programs of sex education and repression of queer people to people having meltdowns over TayGun kissing. Lack of education is not why fans don't have boundaries and can't accept their fantasy bubble being broken. I promise you, Taylor Swift fans yelling at her ex boyfriends over her songs are not doing so because of lack of education about sexual ethics. It's about ownership, which is the heart of the anti-capitalist message you espouse. We allow fans worldwide, not just in specific Asian countries to behave badly becaues they've bought a product of a brand.

The concept of toxic fans is not new nor singular to Thai BL media. @chaos0pikachu has one of my favorite rundowns ever on how the tin hats existed in bandom (and GLEE) before Thai BL was ever a thing. I didn't survive Glee and the loss of Chris Colfer as an actor for us to pretend that the people who do this kind of toxic shit for us to pretend that CPs are the cause. I certainly didn't watch Once Upon A Time fans tweet @ Colin O'Donoghue they hoped his pregnant wife would just die so he could be free to be with Jennifer Morrison for us to pretend this is a BL problem. I definitely didn't watch people harrass Rafael Silva and Ronen Rubenstein out of posting their friendship as a gay and a bi man acting together because the assumption was they were having an affiar behind Ronen's partner's back for us to pretend this was a Thai BL problem due to CPs. I did not watch a bunch of people use interviews promoting the show and the fact that they kiss well to say that Jacob Anderson and Sam Reid are having an affair for us to pretend CPs make this problem.

This problem exists with or without branded pairings, but is entirely tied to idol culture and the objectification of celebrity brand and the intrenchment in being a "Stan" and we've completely lost the plot, Eminem. I still think about regularly Katy Perry asking Stevie Nicks who her rivals were, and Stevie Nicks saying she didn't have rivals but contemporaries. Modern fan culture, globally, in the social media era is set up for rivals: the Swifties, the Bey-Hive, the Katy-Cats, the Barbs, Army etc. Fan culture is like this, and without fans participating in the isolation and ignoring of these people they will continue to harrass and attack people, because as Wicked reminds us, the best way to unite people is to give them a common enemy.

I don't know if you watched the disaster that was Korean netizens sending funeral wreaths to be set up in front of SM building for the member of RII7E who tried to return after fans stalked him to catch him engaging in inappropriate behavior and dug up a middle school girlfriend, which was allowed by the company. I do believe some of this is what he's referring to by anti-social behavior. One of the most horrifying acts of behavior against a GMMTV artist was someone getting into Fluke Nattanon's car and refusing to get out. Like...that's the scariest shit. That shit should be handled. That had nothing to do with shipping culture, and everything to do with a company not enforcing boundaries.

Any time and I mean any time, a person feels that they have the right to objectify a person and control them, that is both NEVER okay and is also NEVER the fault of the person who is being treated that way. No amount of branded pairing is responsible for toxic fans who don't have boundaries. Should the companies do something about them, yes, and that's what Dr. Baudinette is referring to.

To quote @wen-kexing-apologist's essay on objectification of Asian men which you linked in the post on Spare Me Your Mercy:

We all need to, but white Westerners especially, be extremely careful and introspective with the ways we are engaging with queer Asian media

And I take this very seriously. I think it applies not just to the objectification and commodification of the actors, as wen-kexing-apologist wrote about, but also applies to the infantilization and removal of agency of the writers, directors, actors and audiences in Asian countries who are engaging in the process of making and enjoying queer Asian art, suggesting they are not active participants in the process. It is not for interfans to talk over Thai writers, directors, actors and fans of what is and is not true for them and their country's work around queer Thai art.

The long and the short of it, is if you're going to post opinions as facts and undercut anyone who disagrees with you: on what is and what isn't good Asian media, what is and isn't good Thai media, what is and is not queer media, and how people should measure it, and other queer people say out loud: we don't have to all measure queer media the same way and we can have different opinions, and this is your response...I honestly wish you peace.

Clearing The Air On This Wack-Ass Event Of Toxic Fandom That My Brown Ass Was Recently Dragged Into

(*References and endnotes are posted in the comments.)

This past weekend, I was unwittingly brought into an event of toxic fandom instigated by @maybe-boys-do-love. The following is an account of that event, and a rebuttal to misrepresentations that he made in his posts.

1) Chronology of Events and Clarification of Communication, Connections, and Blocks

Late last week, @lurkingshan posted a thought piece about separating art and commerce in discussions of queer shows, and talked, in part, about Spare Me Your Mercy and the show's ratings popularity in Thailand as compared to its narrative shortcomings. The piece also talks about the artistic success, versus the public outcry, of the South Korean queer show, Love In The Big City. I, and a few others, reblogged the post with thought pieces of our own. (If you are interested in following along, reading the second link is a necessity.)

Tumblr user @maybe-boys-do-love subsequently posted, separately on his blog, a reaction post to Shan's post and my reblog of her post (1). His reaction contained misreads and dangerous misrepresentations of Shan's and my writing.

Shan and @maybe-boys-do-love had previously mutually blocked each other (2). Therefore, @maybe-boys-do-love went around the block to react to Shan's post.

He did not make clear to his audience that he was reacting to Shan's post. He wrote his reaction post without citing or linking to Shan's post, and did not tag me as well, thus removing both myself and Shan from a discourse that we had instigated, and prevented his audience from knowing or understanding his reference point for his reaction.

Mutuals reached out to me with @maybe-boys-do-love's piece, having previously read Shan's and my posts.

I DMed @maybe-boys-do-love to note to him that I had seen his post, and that I preferred to be tagged directly in discourse. I wrote that I would write today's post as a means of correcting the incorrect assumptions he made about my opinions. I also checked with @lurkingshan to make her aware of the post and ask if she wanted to be included in a response. Shan stated that she had already blocked @maybe-boys-do-love for previous instances where he indirectly vague-posted about her and misrepresented her writing, and that she had no interest in responding, but was fine with me doing so.

I then publicly reblogged @maybe-boys-do-love's reaction post with a clarifying note, sharing the link to Shan's original post and my reblog of our original SMYM discourse. I noted publicly that his reaction post contained misreads and inaccuracies that I will be clarifying today.

@maybe-boys-do-love deleted my reblog. I do not see my original reblog of his reaction post in his reblog notes. Mutuals confirmed, from their blogs, that they also cannot see my original reblog of his reaction post.

I requested to him by DM that he reinstate my reblog. He did not. He reblogged my reblog from my own blog (sorry, y'all) with a response to me and a general defense of his original reaction post.

He denied in DMs that he had deleted my reblog. I stated that I didn't believe him, and requested for our DM conversation to end (3).

2) Toxic Fandom and Expectations of Personal Accountability in Public Forums

Before I get into the nitty-gritty of responding to @maybe-boys-do-love's reaction post, I want to take a quick second to talk about toxic fandom and accountability, because it's been a topic bubbling up particularly in the world of the fandom of Asian, and specifically Thai, QLs. My public and private conversations with @maybe-boys-do-love about this reaction incident, prior to this post's publication, have been filled with a kind of noxious disingenuousness and deceit that has given me the damn creeps.

I've had tussles with other bloggers before about our disagreements of the art and economics of Asian QLs. The discourse has been almost always so much fun, often argumentative, sometimes gritty, sometimes passive aggressive, and sometimes parasocial involving the celebrities and creators of these shows.

I have always kept discourse respectful, and I pride myself with integrity on responding to any point that has been shot my way. I have been blocked for my takes, and I have encouraged others to block me if my takes are not to their liking, and they attack me for them. I encourage folks who don't like my takes to curate their Tumblr experiences, and take agency for what they agree with and want to read.

If I rant about someone's potential faves -- someone's fave shows or couples -- I put trigger warnings on those posts (here and here are two examples, and the most immediate link above also has a TW), knowing there's a lot of sensitivity out there over content. I trust the judgement of readers to read those trigger warnings and to skedaddle.

In other words, I take full responsibility and accountability for my writing, and I expect my readers to engage with me in good faith in return. I'm proud of the critical posts I've made over the last two and a half years here on Tumblr, especially my exploration of the history of the Thai BL genre through my Old GMMTV Challenge project.

I posted recently that the Asian QL scholar, Dr. Thomas Baudinette, believes that the number one threat to the growth of the Thai BL industry is toxic fandom and the prioritization of problematic markets.

It's funny that I posted that a few days before this incident happened. The specific elements of toxic behavior as demonstrated by @maybe-boys-do-love, as stated above, are that he

a) subverted blocks to read and respond to Shan's post without citing her, b) he did not clarify for his audience what he was reacting to, thus rendering untruthful his real intentions in writing his post, and c) his actual reaction post contained misreads and misinterpretations of Shan's and my analysis.

I'd like to name some elements of toxic behavior and fandom that occurred in the public communication I had with @maybe-boys-do-love to highlight them in order to emphasize the disrespectful nature of this incident.

In his reblog of my clarification post to his original reaction post, @maybe-boys-do-love writes,

"I also want to respect that not everyone wants to get involved in a back-and-forth on here."

Because of previous DMs, reblogs, tags, and comments on and of my work that @maybe-boys-do-love has made, I know that he is very familiar with my blog and my writing. We have previously communicated publicly and privately. I do not know why he would make an assumption that I would not have wanted to be tagged in his original reaction post, reacting inaccurately to points I made in my Spare Me Your Mercy post, considering that he and I have a public history of prior engagement. 

This assumption (remember the adage about assuming…) makes so little sense to me that I can only conclude he is coming from a stance of a disingenuous and untruthful defense.

More concerning, @maybe-boys-do-love follows with:

"I just wanted to create a post that made people whose queer tastes diverge from others feel welcome to their own preferences and appreciate that there’s not a single stance in the queer BL fandom about what qualifies as good and/or queer work."

Again, as @maybe-boys-do-love is familiar with my blog, I do not know why he would assume that my work is insular so as to not welcome different perspectives and discourse on my opinions -- as he and I had actually engaged, in the past, on our opinions of other content, and that there is overwhelming proof on my blog that I love engaging in discourse with others.

The statement that "there's not a single stance in the queer BL fandom" about my work is disingenuous, disrespectful, and toxic.

If it's not clear in the most obvious way -- and it may not be clear to some -- I am a personal blogger, posting my opinions and analysis, on a personal blog. My blog isn't Encyclopedia fucking Brittanica.

@maybe-boys-do-love indicates in his reblog that his mutuals helped him get around his and Shan's blocks. 

He also identifies as a "flaming gay guy" to characterize his position for his love of Spare Me Your Mercy, leading him to go around the blocks to comment on Shan's original post.

"Friends of mine shared the post with me knowing the love I, as a flaming gay guy, had for Spare Me Your Mercy."

I want to note that in the context of this characterization, I myself reached out to three gay male friends (one Asian friend, and two white friends married to each other). (There's nothing that IRL people love more than an Internet beef.) These three individuals range on the flaming spectrum, and assured me that @maybe-boys-do-love's position does not count as spoken monolithically for the gay male community (4).

Which leads me to my last point (for now) about toxic fandom. As iterated above: these Tumblr blogs we write on are personal blogs, homes to personal opinions, created by individuals.

The danger of trying to leverage group-think or group-speak to validate toxic opinions and toxic engagement with others is high within fandom discourse. I see it all the time on X in BL shipper circles. Maybe @maybe-boys-do-love's friends were too cowardly to write reaction posts of their own, and asked their friend to write one on their behalf. If that's the case, @maybe-boys-do-love can show us the receipts. But I'm guessing that didn't happen.

Within group and family therapy arenas, and human relations and business environments, counseling often focuses on "I-speak" -- the practice of using the "I" pronoun to claim accountability for facts, opinions, recounting of details, and so on. Using the "we" pronoun to justify a position -- without identifying who your "we" is -- weakens a stance, and at the same time, creates panic and fear within a group or community. It's a tactic often used in gaslighting or supremacist situations to generate collective fear over incorrect facts and threats.

This tactic is useless in a scenario like this, when there is ample published proof that @maybe-boys-do-love published a misrepresentative reaction post that did not link to the original source, deceiving his audience; he subsequently tried to monolithically speak for others, and to leverage and claim community to justify his doing so. It's wrong, it's disingenuous, and it's toxic.

I wouldn't want this guy speaking for me, and I hope readers of this post wouldn't want him to, either.

3) Responding to Misrepresented Points in MBDL's Reaction Post

Note: Much of @maybe-boys-do-love's reaction post reacted to points that @lurkingshan made about Spare Me Your Mercy and the Asian QL genre. I have consulted with Shan on my responses and she has approved them.

My entire rebuttal is long. An abridged version is below, and the entire rebuttal is linked here at this private link.

I want to start my response to misrepresented points in @maybe-boys-do-love's reaction post by highlighting the most noxious misread he made. He writes,

"and just a friendly reminder that a simple BL romcom is equally as queer of a story as a story about HIV."

Much of @maybe-boys-do-love's reaction post seemed magically conjured out of his ass to assume or imply that certain points were made by @lurkingshan when they were most certainly not.

NOT ONCE IN @lurkingshan's POST WAS LOVE IN THE BIG CITY DESCRIBED AS A "STORY ABOUT HIV." IN FACT, HIV WAS NEVER MENTIONED AT ALL, BY ANYONE, IN THE ORIGINAL POST, OR ANY OF THE REBLOGS AND ADDITIONS.

That was a heinous and noxious misread and reduction of @lurkingshan's post, wholly inaccurate and misrepresentative of the tone and content of Shan's original writing, and more revealing about him and his perspectives about the shows, than anyone he was pretending to fight.

And nowhere in @lurkingshan's original post did she claim that a BL romcom was not as "equally as queer" as any other story.

I want to respond specifically to an analysis of capitalism and markets that I made in my reblog of Shan's post, that @maybe-boys-do-love then reacted to.

"just a reminder, if we wanna talk about capitalism, that the whole idea of a work being better or worse, queerer or less queer, more valuable or less valuable based on it’s reception in numbers (either higher or lower) is not something Marx and Engels would be into, since they ascribed to exchange value over use value. The labor put into the work is where it’s at—and all of these shows had plentiful hours of (queer) labor put into them! But not everyone who talks about the wrongs of capitalism on here is actually interested in the finer details of how capitalism operates, the full political and economic realities of the companies making these shows, nor the individuals who are forced to fight for change within capitalism’s global structure."

This was such a convoluted, random, and inaccurate reaction to my post that I had to send it to a family member who is an actual professional economist (again, remember, IRL people love internet beefs) (5). He assured me that Karl Marx and Fredreich Engels would NOT have wanted to get tangled up in this beef.

But, anyway. I'm not a communist, and when I speak about capitalism and the markets to which Asian QL content is marketed to, I'm not analyzing the quantity of labor put into these shows that needs to be exchanged on the various Asian markets in order for the shows to be made. That's a very specific sightline into production budgets that maybe tingles @maybe-boys-do-love's brain. I think he was just trying to sound smart.

I want to be clear that he reacted to nothing I wrote in my post. This was a made-up stream of something that only established how he watches and judges shows.

But because I used the word "capitalism" in my post to talk about how GMMTV and other studios are addressing queerness and queer perspectives in their shows, @maybe-boys-do-love found reason to take issue with my writing, and to assume an air of intellectualism to establish a false sense of superiority -- by posting drivel.

All responses can be found at this link.

4) Conclusion and a Public Request to Respect Boundaries

As I wrote above: I wrote this post to make a public record of rebuttal against misinterpretations made about my writing by @maybe-boys-do-love.

I will publicly request that @maybe-boys-do-love do not contact me again. Do not reblog, tag, or comment on my posts.

If I have to block @maybe-boys-do-love, I will. However, I want the ability to read any further reaction he might have to this rebuttal, especially if he continues to besmirch my writing inaccurately and disingenuously.

As he demonstrated that he could not respect Shan's boundaries prior to this incident, I will say publicly now:

RESPECT MY BOUNDARIES.

And I want to thank the many mutuals who reached out to me during this incident to offer your support, and to notify me that this public incident of misrepresentation was taking place.

[lady-olive-oil]

Prologue: Me & You

Note: I caved in🤣. Here we goo! let know if ya wanna be tagged in anything.

(inspired by the song Me & You By Cassie)

Word count: 1675 (I got a tad bit carried away)

Warnings: None....for now

Charcters

Prologue: Me & You

Rushing past the sea of multicolored scrubs; balloons & flowers for loved one's and the sound of phones going off from patients or guardians, this has been my life since I graduated. There's never a dull moment in the hospital. Some would say it’s tedious, while others would say it’s stressful. Yet there are those who tell us that their copay is too high.

Today was just like any other day except I had a little kid, no older than 12, going in for cast removal. And boy was she happy to see me.

“Nurse Ronnie!” Her voice chirped as she saw me walk in, with her parents in the room. 

“Sophia. I’m glad I was called in to be here with you today.” I gave her a quick hug after greeting her parents first and foremost. The two were antsy the first time we met because their daughter fell off her skateboard and didn't know what to do. Luckily, they weren’t too panicked as some parents would be.

“I am too. I am getting my cast off, and I wanted you to help Dr. Tyler.” She had a bright grin on her face while telling me the big news.

I smiled back and then got prepared for the event. “Well I’m happy to help in any way I can. Ready?”

Cynthia Tyler was the best doctor when it came to children, and a college roommate of mine at Evergreen Southern. Knowing her skill set and drive made the job easier to come in everyday. Plus she’s engaged to one of my brothers, which is an added bonus. 

Sophia nodded eagerly and took a deep breath like we practiced all those times before. She even enjoyed my singing when I would check her vitals, and called me the singing nurse. The nickname stuck with me, and took off at company gatherings for karaoke. 

As I grabbed the instruments I needed, she asked me, “Can you sing with me as you move the tiny saw?”

“Sure can.” A gentle smile was etched on my face, then I began to sing while moving the saw along her right lw. “Brown skinned, girl. Your skin just like pearls.”

With a toothy grin, she joined. “The most beautiful thing in the world. Never trade you for anybody else. Singin’ brown skin girl, your skin just like pearls.”

Moving further down, I continued with the saw to crack the top half open. “The best thing in the world. I never trade you for anybody else, singin’. She said she really grew up poor like me. Don't believe in nothin' but the Almighty. Just a likkle jeans and a pure white tee, She never did forever be nobody wifey, yeah. So while I may not pretty boy, your heart is amiss.”

“Play it like a villain 'cause she caught in a wave. Tonight I am walkin' away 9 to 5 mind, on the grind, yeah, yeah.” She smiled and giggled gently as she felt the cool air hit her leg for first time in a year.

“Tonight I might fall in love, dependin' on how you hold me. I'm glad that I'm calmin' down, can't let no one come control me. Keep dancin' and call it love, she fightin' but fallin' slowly. If ever you are in doubt, remember what mama told me.”

Then we both joined together as I got to the bottom of the cast. “Brown skin girl, ya skin just like pearls. Your back against the world. I never trade you for anybody else, say. Brown skin girl, ya skin just like pearls, The best thing inna di world. I never trade you for anybody else, say.”

“I can finally see my leg!” Sophia had cheered happily as she looked down at it. “Thank you!” She was happier than a Junebug in the summer.

“You’re very welcome my dear. Just make sure to wear your knee pads next time, like your parents tell you to. Ok?” I nodded towards her parents and her father chimed in.

“You hear that ladybug? Make sure you wear all your gear next time, all the time even. We aren’t saying it for our health and safety but yours.” Her mother nodded in agreement.

“Alright, sounds like an even front for all. I’ll let Dr. Tyler asses everything, get you settled on what you need to do and let you head on home.” Discarding my gloves in the waste bin, I headed out the room to see a few folks standing out in the hallway.

“Who was that singing?” One of the nurses, Ciara, asked me.

“Me and my patient, who I helped get her cast off.” I answered with a smile. “She had always asked me to sing whenever she came in.”

“Well keep up the good work then.” She chuckled and went on about her business.

“Oh I plan to.” Sending a wink in her direction, I headed back to my station to gather my stuff for the day. But I still had the song in my head. So knowing me, I kept singing.

“Pose like a trophy when Naomi's walk in. She need an Oscar for that pretty dark skin. Pretty like Lupita when the cameras close in. Drip broke the levee when my Kellys roll in. I think tonight she might braid her braids, Melanin too dark to throw her shade. She minds her business and wines her waist. Gold like 24k, okay.” Singing gently to myself, feeling the soul within the song just made my day better.

That is until I got an update on a patient that we had gotten a few days ago. “Dupree! I got an update on that one patient, I had you help out a bit ago.” Denise had pulled me to the side and typed away on the keyboard.

The files were flooding the screen, popping up left and right, until she found the right one. “Samaritan Hospital, miles away from us. Luckily the small hospital keeps others informed anyway just in case.” She continued. “Mike Simmons, right?”

“Yeah that’s him, from what you told me.” I racked through the notes myself, looking for answers. “Damn it. He got stabbed in prison; taken to Samaritan and passed there.” 

The nerves I had coursing through me were on edge. It’s a shame what happened to him, given the injustice going on. The more I looked at his picture, the more familiar he seemed.

“And this happened weeks ago?” I deeply sighed as I sat down next to her. “Any family listed on his file? Visitation records.” I couldn’t figure it out for the life of me, where else I had seen his face from. Sometimes relatives do look like, depending on which side they’re on.

Denise went typing away like the detective she is at times. “Just one person.” She stated clearly, and kept typing. Before she could start her sentence, I looked up and saw someone talking to one of the doctors that looked all too familiar. 

“Terrance Richmond.” I stated plainly, with a gentle smile on my face. He turned around and flashed his million dollar smile back at me. 

“Veronica Dupree. Long time no see.” His voice sounded like it was coated in honey, and smooth as whiskey. Something that brought back memories, and haunted my dreams.

Denise was still eying her screen. “Yeah, that’s him. How’d you know that?” I nudged her slightly, she looked up and uttered a gentle “Damn, that man is fine.” Luckily only I heard her. Was she lying though?

“Likewise.” I made my way around the counter and stood by him, gesturing to him to follow me to talk. “We’ll talk later Denise.”

“We better!” She shouted towards me with a chuckle.  

“So what brings you to Evergreen Medical?” Asking an obvious question, towards the gentle giant. His tall 6 '3 frame, made my 5' 9 seem shorter than normal.

“I wanted to thank the person who tried to help my cousin. And when the doctors told me it was you, I was thrilled actually.” We sat in the little outdoor corridor that was open in the hospital. I couldn't tell you the last time I had been entranced by his eyes. They just draw anybody in, without remorse to lose focus.

“Especially since it was someone who knows my family.” He started his sentence with a deep baritone breath, then shifted his gaze to mine. “Who I still care about.” 

And there it was, the same old Terry. Lord this man was something else. “I'm glad I could help. So when is the homegoing, if there is one.” I wanted to keep the topic at hand and not shift towards me and our past. 

“Yea there is. My parents, aunt and uncle are handling it. I also wanted to extend an invite to you and yours.” He passed me the obituary with the date set on it, and I graciously accepted.

“I will make sure that we will be there.” With a gentle smile, I looked into his eyes softly. Abort mission, Dupree! I thought to myself. Don’t you dare get lost in his hazel green eyes.

He checked his watch and sighs awkwardly. “Well uh, I gotta get going. Gotta help out with the service and all.” He got up and held his hand out to help me up. Which I took and felt a surge of electricity race through me.

“You still have my number. It never changed when you left.” A sly smirk painted on my face, as I graciously took my hand back. 

He chucked a little himself. “Fair enough. I just may call you later if you don’t mind talking to an old friend.”

“Not at all. I’m free to talk later.” Confirming the unofficial date, knowing damn well I don’t need it.

“Hope to see you around.” He waved softly and made his way back to the entrance of the hospital.

I waved back and headed back inside.“You just might.” I whispered to myself. “You just might.”

[cheeseceli]

When you marry someone else

Pairing: ot5 TXT × Gn! reader (individually)

Genre: angst, unrequited love, a bit bittersweet, reactions

Prompt: they attend your wedding, but you are the love of his life, and he is not the groom.

Warnings: no happy ending for now, reader wears a wedding dress on Yeonjun's, Kai has mentions of food, mentions of tears and crying

A/n: had this entire idea when showering, so enjoy the angst! | Daily click

Yeonjun

He is so conflicted

He is genuinely happy at the thought of you finding the love of your life, but he is sad because it's not him

He is happy when he sees you in that beautiful dress, but he is sad when he sees that you didn't dress up with him on your mind

He wants to sit down on the first row to see you closer, but he also wants to stand on the end of the room so it doesn't hurt that much

He loves you but he wished he didn't

At the party, he would try his best to avoid both you and your now husband

He wants to be there for you, but it seems unfair that he needs to watch it in so many details

He tries to distract himself from the fact that this night is all about you dedicating your life to someone else

And he tries to ignore his mind telling him that this someone else was so not worth of you

His vows seemed shallow, and it was ridiculous how he didn't cry when he saw you walking down the aisle. It outraged Yeonjun to see him talking with his friends instead of being with you

Everything that the groom did, Yeonjun knew he could do ten times better

But he was trying to ignore it. For the sake of your night

And when you come to him, handing him the bouquet, he can't help but feel defeated

"I want you to be the next one to find everlasting happiness" is what you said to him

So Yeonjun took the bouquet, hoping and praying that it actually meant something

Soobin

He genuinely thought on not going

The moment he received the invitation, he threw it away

And since he refused to talk to you ever since, you thought you'd be missing your best friend on your wedding day

But in the end, he couldn't help but to go to the ceremony

It wasn't fair on you if he missed one of the most important days of your life

Especially since you had no idea Soobin has been in love with you for decades

So he attends the wedding

And he regrets it the moment he gets there

Why were you so beautiful?

And why were you so happy?

He talks to all your friends and family members throughout the day

He is searching for any hint that your fiance doesn't deserve you

Anything that could give him a reason to stand up and object

But there is nothing

The man you fell in love with was nothing but a kind and generous person

And Soobin can't recall a day where you had smiled that much before

So he just sits down in defeat when you start to say your vows, wondering what he could've done in the past so today would've been different

Beomgyu

He is trying his best to act like your best friend

Like yes, he's so happy for you!!

He'll cry tears of joy and he'll party all night!!

He's doing his best to just be happy for you

Because that's what he's supposed to be

Happy for you, not happy with you

So he buys you the greatest gift you could ever imagine

He talks with every single person in the party

He is the first to go to the dance floor and he doesn't hesitate on playing with the kids

He is trying to be happy

And when your groom comes to him, thanking him for taking care of you until now, Beomgyu cries a bit

Especially when the groom vows that he will love and protect you from now on

He cries in the ceremony and cries even more when you hug him by the end of it

But as your best friend, he promises he'll always do his best to be happy for you

Taehyun

He won't be there

I'm so sorry, but I don't think he would be able to endure the pain

Every time he saw you guys on a date, or the photos you post, or the messages you sent with "I'm with my boyfriend right now, can we talk later?" always felt like a dagger in his heart

So to see everything come to life was not something he could do

He'll come see you a day before the wedding though

And in his plan, he would try to convince you to give up

He never liked your boyfriend anyways, he didn't feel like too good of a person

So he tries to hint on the topic

But you're so blindly in love that you don't notice

And he's so in love with you that he simply gives up

So he just smiles at your content and announces that he needs to go, that he will get some things ready for tomorrow

But he doesn't

He tells you that there was an accident on the road, that he was suddenly required on his work, or that there was a family emergency

Something happened, and he couldn't make it to your wedding

And upon seeing your smile on the photos, he's glad he didn't

Hueningkai

The moment you tell him you're getting married, he is volunteering to help you in anything and everything

He is there when you choose your clothes for the day

He finds the best florist in town

He helps you decide on the cake, on the place, on the date, everything

Because he knows this is the last time you'll be relying on him for help

From now on, your soon to be husband will be the one who is supposed to be by your side

Till death do you apart

And as much as it hurts, Kai won't let the sorrow be on the way

If he has this last opportunity to help you and be with you, that's precisely what he'll do

So when the big day ends up being more beautiful than your dreams

And both you and your now husband come to him to thank him

He can't help but smile through teary eyes, which he reassures you that it's because of happiness

Now he knows that he at least tried his best until the end

Masterlist | you'll probably like: moving on

Reminder this is just fiction!! I'm not trying to portray real life and you shouldn't believe that this is how the members actually are. This is just for the vibe and the delulu!

Thank you for reading <3

Taglist (open!): @yuyubeans @zzzzzwicked @sheraayasherrecs

Dividers by @enchanthings | images 1 , 2 and 3

[snakeredbirdbatkatana]

Help do you know that one fic where ra's keeps stalking/kidnapping Tim not for anything creepy but just to kind of hang out and spend time with him because he really enjoys talking with the detective and everyone else is freaked out about it but Tim is like meh just another day ig

I wish I did I will totally look though because that sounds killer!!!!!

*I have went through almost the entire Ra and Tim tag platonic ofc and anything tagged with both characters and I am honestly stumped I can't find it for the life of me

[we-stan-the-stans-27]

Sleeping Beauty AU?

@sixerstanley Here had this HUGE big brain idea and I immediately sprung into action to write a little something about it.

Basically, they read a merlin fic where a spell made it seem like Merlin was dead, but he was basically asleep and aware of everything going on. Arthur was not having a good time. (trauma and pain ensues) I'm going to replicate it, based on the idea alone.

(Also, I had no idea this would turn into an almost 4k oneshot, oops! Color me inspired, I guess! I can do this, but not my actual fan fiction. LMAO!)

Suffer with me. (JK, enjoy. XD )

For the first time in weeks, Ford had allowed himself a full night's rest downstairs. Why not reward himself, just this once? The rift is sealed, the universe is safe, and things are slowly getting back to normal. Or as normal as they get in the pathetic excuse for what used to be his home.

Ford still has a hard time calling it what it is, 'The Mystery Shack' is a little on the nose, isn't it? The exhibits are hardly anything close to a mystery. They're botched taxidermy projects.

Insults. That's what they are.

A slap in the face to his life's work.

Whatever, that's not his problem right now. Coffee is the first order of business.

It's early and no one else is awake, but the coffee pot is still hot with a fresh pot. One cup appears to be missing. Stanley must be awake then.

Ford takes his time pouring the life-bringing liquid into his favorite cup (it is amazing Stanley didn't break it or lose it after all these years) and adding in ample sugar, and a dash of cream for color.

He adds a single ice cube to cool it faster, listening to the sounds of the house. It's silent, too quiet.

Ford can't help that even in a peaceful environment it puts him on edge.

The TV is off and a walk through the living room reveals Stanley isn't sitting on the couch. The first-floor bathroom light is off, door is slightly ajar, but empty.

That's weird.

He really shouldn't be looking for his brother anyway since the only good that will do is start another fight. It's too early for that.

Ford settles back in the kitchen, hovering near the window and sipping his cup watching the clock on the wall tic on. Minutes pass.

The silence is no longer just putting him on edge, it's sounding alarms.

Why? There is nothing dangerous here in the house, they are perfectly safe here now that Bill has been dealt with.

What then?

To put his own stupid mind to rest he leaves the empty cup in the sink and goes upstairs to the attic, checking on Dipper and Mabel.

They are both still fast asleep in their beds. Dipper, drooling on his pillow with half the blanket on the floor. Mabel, hair stuck up in all directions, clutching one of her many stuffed animals like it might try to escape.

Waddles is here too, curled up on its makeshift bed on the floor.

He stays just long enough to ensure they are all breathing, and sleeping soundly, before noiselessly going back downstairs.

The second floor is as empty as the first, including Stanley's poor excuse for a room. It is a mess of half-packed boxes, several trash bags, and the always-unmade bed.

Soon enough the house will be normal again.

Stanley will be gone, the kids will go home- (Perhaps they'll visit again next summer? It's a shame Dipper can't stay) and the Mystery Shack business will be over forever.

This once secluded corner of the valley will be that way again, his haven away from prying eyes. And tourists.

With the interior of the house cleared that only leaves the yard and porch.

Ford makes his way out onto the one Stanley finds the most use out of and the worry he hadn't realized to be carrying vanishes. There he is, sitting back dead asleep on the disgusting couch. How old is that thing? It appears to be growing several kinds of mold along the bottom because of the constant rain this region gets.

One hand is barely holding onto Stan's coffee cup, the arm of the couch holding it up while its owner sleeps.

"Seriously, Stanley? Being old doesn't give you an excuse to sleep anywhere, much less flash the local wildlife in little more than boxers." It's a good dig, in his opinion, and he speaks loud enough to rouse Stanley despite how hard of hearing he has become over the years.

Except no quick response comes.

Stanley doesn't so much as twitch in his spot on the couch.

The fear comes back-

Oh, don't be ridiculous!

"Very funny, Stanley." He lets the door close, quietly, before moving to stand in front of his brother, hands on either hip.

He looks, really looks, at Stan.

And sees nothing good.

The first notable, and most concerning finding, is that his brother isn't breathing. He waits, watching, assuming this to be a breath hold.

A joke.

But that isn't the only concerning evidence. Stanley's eyes are also halfway open, looking over the yard. Empty.

Not funny anymore, very much NOT funny!

Ford does not panic, not yet. He moves and picks up the cup, plucking it out of his brother's hand- It lacks any strength, like taking a toy from a child.

"Stanley? Wake up. Very good joke, you got me. Stop it now." He kneels on the couch, next to him, after setting the cup aside on the porch by their feet.

For the second time since coming home, Ford touches Stanley. This time with a kinder hold, reaching up to press two fingers along the pulse point between the jaw and collar bone, off to the side of the Adam's apple.

Nothing.

'One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten-'

He could count on one hand the number of times true panic has overtaken him in his lifetime. It isn't a luxury one can often afford when coming face to face with death constantly in the multiverse-

But what harm can come of it when someone is already dead?

His hand stays right where it is, tucked into the still-warm skin-

"No, this isn't funny-" But Ford's voice shakes and he snatches the hand away quickly. If he can't feel the lack of pulse, it's not there. Simple.

How didn't he notice? When did this happen?

What happened?

No- Ford turns, looking around the peaceful yard. Dew covers the grass, the sun peaked up about half an hour ago basking the clearing in pink and yellow hues.

There isn't any blood.

Death is messy. He has seen it countless times, but it is never, ever, peaceful. Knives, guns, cracking bones, broken bodies...

Looking back at Stanley none of that is present. The skin is still pink, and warm, eyes open but- Dead.

No. That can't be. It just can't.

Stanley looks almost peaceful, asleep. His coffee, barely a sip or two taken from the looks of it. "No."

Panic takes many different forms. Initially, instinctively, Ford looked for the cause. It had to be someone, something, who did this. Who took his brother?

But there is nothing, no one, in sight. No blood.

"Stanley, who-" His feet stop, body stalling, in the middle of turning back from the yard to look at the corpse...

He had been about to ask, to question who did this. But a dead body can't answer. A dead body, a corpse.

There is a distinction between a vessel and a person, or so Ford had always thought.

Everyone dies and until then you live inside and pilot your body. Someday, it becomes a corpse and you leave it behind.

That is such a cold and callous way to look at it, in retrospect. Because this, is Stanley. He's just- Gone.

With quick hands, Ford begins looking, almost in a frenzy, for the cause.

No blunt force trauma to the back of the head. No perforations to the abdomen, arms, nothing. There is nothing.

But that's not possible, people don't just-

Except they do. Sometimes-

No. NO! Not them, not him! Stanley Pines wouldn't just die, not without a fight!

Death doesn't play favorites, anyone can go, anytime-

"Shut up! No, he wouldn't! He wouldn't leave me!" It comes out in a shout and shakes him.

It wasn't supposed to end like this.

He never allowed himself to think very far into the future, how could he? Everything was always changing and it was better to live in the now anyway. So long as you were safe now, other things could be handled later-

Except later doesn't always wait for you to be ready. Time has its own plans and you have to work around it or something-

Stanley wasn't supposed to die. Isn't! he can't be-

Except-

There are no obvious injuries, but then again there don't have to be. They may not be old, but they're old enough. Brain aneurysms take hold suddenly, killing the affected almost instantly.

Leaving barely enough time to set down a cup of coffee-

Or a heart attack?

No, Stanley would have come inside, asked for help-

Wouldn't he?

"You idiot!" It comes out in a hiss from where Ford has shifted. He's kneeling right next to Stanley, hand on either shoulder, looking at his half-open but- Dead. Dead eyes. Empty. Gone.

Soulless.

Ford isn't sure who he's talking to. Himself? or Stanley? Both?

"I would have helped you, we could have called someone, I-" He has to pull away, sinking down into the empty space of the couch to hide the tears springing up without permission.

This can't be happening. Things weren't supposed to end like this-

Oh yeah, how was it supposed to go then?

With you, kicking him out next week? Leaving him homeless, again, just like Pa?

"Stop it! I don't know, not like this!" Stanley was always the stronger between them, persevering through everything no matter what happened.

Is this my fault?

What a stupid question.

It forces him to sit up again, one hand covering his face while half peering out at Stanley.

Of course it is. What did you expect? That he would take his life being uprooted lying down?

Did he do this on purpose?

In the rush to pick up the cup of coffee Ford almost knocks it over but finds he can't hold it without spilling some of it over the sides, down onto the porch, anyway. He is left with no choice but to set it back down to avoid wasting the sample.

Maybe.

Ford takes both a physical and mental step back, leaning against one of the columns holding up the roof over the porch, to look around.

Breathing is getting a little more difficult, coming in tight short inhales and smaller and smaller exhales.

What better way to get back at me? Thirty years of a life spent learning math, science, and engineering skills well beyond any normal human's comprehension, for what?

To get a brother back who first chance he got told him to pack it up and get out?

"What kind of brother am I?"

The kind who would rather be right than-

Then apologize. Forgive. Make up. Let go.

And now, it's too late. The train left the station, Stanley is gone, and its all my fault.

"He died thinking I hated him." That realization is what breaks the decade-old dam, tears finally escaping. Ford closes the distance, sitting on the stupid couch and pulling Stanley over into a hug, even if he's not here to feel it.

The lack of strong, still buff, arms encircling him, returning the sentiment only makes him cry harder into the thin and crappy tank top Stanley must have worn to bed.

"I'm sorry." He chokes out between sobs, "I thought I'd have more time, you'd have more time. I didn't think- How could I?" Nothing he's saying is making much sense.

The ramblings of a heartbroken lunatic.

As if we really deserve to be upset, like you'd of cared if it wasn't life or death-

Maybe his own thoughts are right. If Stanley had been alive, sitting here, having his morning coffee they would have traded morning insults before going their separate ways.

But that's not the reality they live in. This one is much worse, much darker.

I spent so much time running away, trying to break apart, and be unique. No longer part of a broken pair, or what I saw as one, I-

"I never expected to miss it when the other half was gone." He is still shaking, refusing to let go, with thoughts still scrambled in a million different directions.

CPR wouldn't do any good now, although it's a nice thought. If Stanley came out here directly after preparing his coffee then that was almost twenty minutes ago, give or take-

Oh god. What about the kids?

Without letting go Ford checks the time on his watch, wincing. A few hours at most, but he'll have to call the coroner-

What does he do?

For the first time, possibly ever, Ford feels lost.

Not only because his twin is currently dead, which is already world-ending, but everything that comes with it.

Who does he say the corpse belongs to? Stanley Pines has been dead for decades-

Is that why he did this? So that Ford could slot right back into his old life, fixing the broken and shattered history? No. This had to be an accident-

Only the testing of the coffee will confirm it or not.

Ford has never had to stick around and deal with a dead body before. Moving on was easier, and necessary. He can't remember attending a funeral, other than their great aunts when they were barely seven.

That's not the same. He'll have to make arrangements, put together pictures, and give a speech-

About a life he knows nothing about.

"God, I'm sorry Stanley. I'm so sorry." It feels safe to let his voice break here. No one is around to see how completely destroyed he feels. "All you ever did was love me, and I pushed you away. I crushed it, refused, and now..."

"Now you're gone. I can't even remember the last time I told you that I love you, but I do. So much, more than I could ever handle." Ford can't let go, but he does shift back to look at his brother's face, holding his limp body with one hand and clearing his own tears with the other.

"For what it's worth, I'm glad I'm here. Thank you, for bringing me back." He has to close his eyes, fresh tear tracks spilling across both cheeks, "Even if only so I could say goodbye. I'm glad I got that, at least. If only you were here-"

With a broken voice, Ford can't stand looking at Stan like this anymore. He reaches up, closing both eyes with feather-light fingers, before leaning close to press them forehead to forehead. Just like when they were young. Before everything.

It's odd. How fast do corpses cool? Not that Ford is going to complain. It lets him pretend, just for a few more moments, that Stanley isn't gone. That they could have this again.

Too little, too late.

"I love you, Stanley." It comes out broken and cruel, like the universe is mocking him. What was the point in protecting them from Bill if death came knocking anyway?

For the first time since coming home, Ford understands.

Finally, he can see why Stanley wasted so much of his life trying to bring him back. Because he loves so much, so big. To his own detriment.

He would do anything, even destroy the world, to have Ford by his side again.

"I'm so sorry, you deserved so much better." How different could things of been?

What would Stanley of done instead? Gotten married? Had kids?

A better family, that's for sure.

Ford knows he can't stay here forever. He needs to let go, head inside, and make some phone calls. To tell Soos to close the shack for the day, get an ambulance to bring Stanley to the morgue.

He needs to prepare for when the kids wake up and figure out what to tell them.

But first, he indulges himself a little bit more by leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Stanley's lips. It smells of coffee, cigars, and denture cream, but Ford can't detect any sort of drug or chemical from close proximity alone. It's nice.

Not what you'd expect from a corpse, but it's enough.

A goodbye, a real one in a weird broken way. Just their luck.

The absolute last thing Ford expects, upon starting to pull away, is to feel the body still pressed very tight to his own take in a very deep breath followed by Stanley's discarded hands coming up to grab at him.

"Stanley!" His voice is still broken, mixed with anger and joy in a typhoon of confusion.

And Stanley? He has the nerve to laugh!

"Don't think you're walking away from that so easily!" No longer locked inside his own body without the ability to do anything it's a relief to be able to breathe. But even better, he can pull Ford over on top of his lap, locking one leg in place against the side of the couch.

"Excuse me! I thought you were dead! What the fuck, Stanley! You can't just go around pretending to be dead to mess with people! What if the kids had found you, or Soos, or Wendy?! You would have scared them half to death, you scared me half to death!"

Truly, it's a complicated story. One Stan is pretty sure Ford doesn't want to hear right now when his mind is running a mile a minute.

He has other things that need to be said instead of explaining whoever that weird wizard was who came out of the forest.

Forcibly Stanley grabs Ford's face, bringing him down so they are face to face again, leaving no room for argument in their close proximity. "Shut up, will you?"

Being locked in was sort of a blessing because participating in the conversation is so much harder than he thought it would be moments ago. He steals his nerves anyway, "I love you too, I'm not dead, and I'm pretty sure forty years should have made you a better kisser than that. Otherwise, I've got my work cut out for me. Try again."

By now Ford's face is bright red both out of anger at being tricked and embarrassment at their current position. But Stanley's hands are no longer weak, holding him tightly in place. Not that he seriously wants to argue anyway.

Stan waits, but the longer Ford stares, the more unsure he becomes. Maybe he misunderstood? Or maybe Ford just has a thing for corpses and now that he isn't one, the interest is gone.

Fair enough, Stan knows he isn't much to look at. Age wasn't as kind to him as it was to Ford. All lean muscles, few wrinkles, and barely greying hair. It's stupid, really.

It would be hypocritical to go right back to being mad, wouldn't it?

Just because Stanley isn't dead now, doesn't mean he won't be next time. Or the time after that.

Anything could happen.

Ford knows he should pull away. They should talk about what the hell just happened. He should move off his brother's damn lap!

Or, he could give in to the very thing he's spent two-thirds of their lives running from. The details and tough conversation can be hashed out later, right?

It's the hold on his jaw loosening that yanks Ford out of his spinning thoughts back to the present. Stanley is pulling away, looking down-

How long was he lost in thought? It couldn't have been more than twenty seconds. Did he change his mind? No, then why does he look so-

Well. Stanley looks the same as he always does.

Oh. Briefly, for a few seconds, Stanley was being brave. He opened up and showed his hand. Let himself be vulnerable.

Idiot!

His hands had never fully left Stan's shoulders, but he tightens their grip now, shifting one up to cup along the underside of his jaw. He doesn't feel the need to say anything, because neither of them has ever really been good with words.

He leans down, surprising them both, with a much more insistent kiss.

A hello. And maybe? A new beginning.

[multi-fandomsfreak]

Hey imagine a Folly X Reader were It like this

Reader is like a dream entity like her Unlike Folly who is like a nightmare entity Reader is like a positive dreams entity and always give positive vibes tô Evreyone,Folly hated Reader......but does she Really hate him she Can't stop thinking about him

Folly With A Dream Entity!Reader

Hey there! Thanks for the ask!

Finally got a Regretevator ask and it’s with my favourite Folly. Really enjoyed writing this since I love Folly a lot. Anyways hope you enjoy it. ~Dawn

Pronouns: Not Mentioned

Warnings: ⚠️Slight Spoilers For Folly’s Background⚠️

Requested: Yes/No

Characters: Folly

Proofread: ❌

Credits: Art by Cubon_pins on Pinterest + Banner by Faelynn_x (Edited by me) on Pinterest

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- It isn’t really a secret that Folly hates you. Well she is known for being hateful to everything and everyone in general but I’m pretty sure it was obvious that she has a quote on quote hatred for you. Most people kind of assumed the hatred comes from with her being a nightmare entity and you being a dream entity. One being considered good and one considered bad.

- But in all honesty I think her ‘hatred’ she has for you isn’t really that much of actual anger or anything of the sort. The thing is I’d think she’d mostly see herself in you a bit at least her old self. She wasn’t always like this she was like you, innocent and caring then she got corrupted into what she is now destroying all trust she has for anyone so seeing you having all these positive interactions with everyone it’s like looking in a mirror of the past for her. She hates it. She hates how kind you were to everyone even her. She knows that there are bad people out there yet here you are still treating them with kindness.

- She honestly doesn’t understand why you’re so insistent on keeping her company, you treating her with kindness despite her being the complete opposite of you. The fact you always see the best in people to your own detriment. Despite the fact she keeps pushing you away, telling you that there’s no kindness in the world you dispute what she says with a chuckle and just treat her nicely. It’s something she hasn’t experienced in a while and she honestly doesn’t know if she likes it or hates it. Despite this she hasn’t pushed you away or at least fully because for some strange reason she still wants to be around you.

- The feelings she has for you are weird. To her at least. She claims to not only herself but everyone else that she hates you with every fibre and being possibly inside of her but yet when she sees you interact with anyone else she feels something in her that she wouldn’t even dare to admit. Was it jealousy? Maybe. Not towards you but towards the others surprisingly. But as I said she wouldn’t dare admit that she’s jealous.

- I’d like to think that somehow despite her ‘hatred’ always found herself unconsciously being around you or wanting to be around you. Even she doesn’t know why. If you just so happen to mention something you’d like that she heard from someone else she immediately associates that thing to you. If she ever needed to talk to someone regarding the content of conversation she immediately goes to you, whether it being in a taunting way or a genuine conversation. It’s definitely obvious to the other characters. There definitely will be teasing coming from them, joking that she’s having an enemies to lovers momen moment with you. Even with Folly protesting their comments threatening them to quit if they still do it. Though mostly through subtle comments since they don’t actually want to face her.

- I do think you may be able to at least have a somewhat civil friendship around you at some point like seen in her interactions with Wallter. Having common interests in things like music, books etc. But it will take a while for it to reach that point though. Even if you do don’t expect her to be all buddy with you she’ll still be like herself just being more calm and civil.

- Honestly I’d be surprised if you managed to get her to be civil with you. Even with the unknown link bounding you and her together especially with the two of you being similar beings, she’s very stubborn so please be patient with her. You’ll be able to get her to let her guard down. Thanks to your kind hearted and empathetic personality.

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